Your Undeniable Gaze

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/45234502.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Category: M/M
Fandom: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Relationships: L/Yagami Light, Matt | Mail Jeevas/Mello | Mihael Keehl, Amane Misa
& Yagami Light, Yagami Light & Yagami Sayu, Yagami Light & Yagami
Sachiko, Yagami Light & Yagami Soichiro, Amane Misa/Takada Kiyomi
Characters: Yagami Light, L (Death Note), Matt | Mail Jeevas, Mello | Mihael Keehl,
Amane Misa, Takada Kiyomi, Mikami Teru, Beyond Birthday but he's
unalive, Yagami Sayu, Yagami Sachiko, Yagami Soichiro, Akemi
Hanamaki (Oc), Makoto Chiyo (Oc), Watari | Quillsh Wammy, Raye
Penber
Additional Tags: Lesbian Takada Kiyomi, Modern Royalty, Crown Prince L, Assassin
Light Yagami, Alternate Universe - Yagami Light Is Not Kira (Death
Note), Yagami Light is Not Okay, Angst with a Happy Ending, Takada is
in love with Misa, Ballroom Dancing, Enemies to Lovers, Teru Mikami
is King, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, Quest, Revenge, Light
Yagami villian arc, Character Death, Murder, Blood and Violence,
coming of age ball
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2023-02-21 Updated: 2023-03-11 Words: 5,378 Chapters: 2/?
 Your Undeniable Gaze
by lenitawrites

Summary

Light Yagami is a star student studying at Shini Academy. Disaster was in the air as he goes
home to his whole family murdered. Now he must figure out who did this, the individual who
cursed his life. As he goes on with no reason to live, he meets an underground society that
wants to erase evil from the world.

Light is so close to finishing his quest until a mysterious prince gets in his way.

(Or) Light Yagami is an assassin on his way to murder the King, Teru Mikami, and runs into
Crown Prince L. They begin to provoke strange feelings in one another, but Light has no time
for love, especially when L is supposed to be his enemy.

Notes

HII WELCOME I HOPE U ENJOY THIS <3 PLS LEAVE SOME FEEDBACK IN THE
COMMENTS FOR ME TYY:DD
 Justice

Pin Number Required

1 2 3 4 5

6 7 8 9 0

012810

My fingers reentered my pin number on the touchpad attached to my locker. Phew. That was
definitely a match. Sensei Hiroshi is good.. I pat my face with a small towel and swung it
around my shoulders. I don’t need to worry though, it’s only a matter of time until I get as
good!

I shift my body to head out until I was met with a girl. She had long brown hair that was all
over her shoulders and walnut-brown eyes. Her hands held one of those candy bars from the
vending machine. I surely hope that bar was for me. I’ve been craving one of those all day…

“Great work today, Light!” She exclaimed, holding out the bar to me. “This is for you. I bet
you’re exhausted from the match.” She smiled, a dimple on the left side of her mouth
bloomed. Ah, I know who she is. I think I recall her name is Hanamaki. I think? I’m really
bad at remembering names… I definitely remember complimenting her dimples before.

“Thank you.. Hanamaki.. right?” I say hesitantly, slowly taking the bar off her hands. If I’m
wrong, I’m never going to show my face on campus again.

She chuckled, “Yep! And no problem!”

I smiled nervously, my right arm scratching the back of my head.

“Well, I’ll see you after break Light! Have a good rest of your day!” Hanamaki shouted,
waving as she left the locker room.

As soon as she left, I ripped open the candy bar and stuffed it into my mouth. Man, it was
delicious. I chewed the bite of candy, humming a random song that was stuck in my head as I
strolled out of the locker room.

Okay, so.. I need to stop by my dorm to get my stuff (Obviously) and to grab the cake sitting
in my freezer. Sayu will physically attack me if I made a whole ass cake and didn’t bring it
home. Really though, I’m glad to see her and Mom and Dad again. Especially after so long.
Studying at Shini Academy was a dream come true. I’ll do whatever it takes to see their teary
faces when I show them my results. Best part of the whole thing.

Knowing them, they’re definitely going to try to pull the most shock-worthy welcome back
home surprise party. Here’s a little secret, I exaggerate my reaction just a little bit, so they
fully believe I was really shocked.. They don’t have to know that…

I let out a content sigh. I really love them.

I soon arrived in front of the door of my dorm. The door was wooden and had an overhead
arch on top. Light Yagami, my name, is carved neatly into the wood. I push the handle out,
revealing my dorm.

The walls were also wooden and a bit dusted – my bed was already made, a few plushies
crowded together in front of my pillows, which Sayu gave me in tears before I left for Shini
Academy. Silly Sayu. She thought I was going to forget her existence when I arrived at the
academy, so she gave me her plushies to remind me of her. I never needed those to remember
her, but I’ll tell her it did just to see her lit up.

I turn a corner to grab the luggage off the floor sitting near my closet and wore it on my back.
I went to my mini freezer and took out the black box with my strawberry cake inside.
Looking at the cake through the clear cover makes my mouth drool. I don’t care what anyone
says, strawberry cake solos. A fact about me is that I hate chocolate cake. It gets in between
my teeth and I hate the aftertaste.
With my shoulders and hands stuffed with items, I ambled out of my dorm and headed for the
train.

––

The train ride was about two hours long. To be honest, it was quite boring, but it was really
satisfying to watch the window view slowly fade from the city atmosphere of Justin, busy
shops and scattered people, into a calm town like Taskice, filled with nothing but green
fields, small shoe shops, and a peak of the ocean. And of course, my family’s bakery – a
small, but big enough building with a nailed-down wooden plank of an apple. We used to be
a pretty small business since we were out of Justin, but our baked goods have been the talk of
the town, especially our apple treats. Now, even citizens from Justin come all the way out
here to buy our

treats. It’s such a wonderful sight.

The train suddenly shakes my seat and finally comes to a stop, I grab my things and head out
through the bright red doors.

––

I didn’t notice how windy it was today. A breeze from my left ruffles up my bangs, it feels
like evaporated ice, cool and refreshing. As much as I love the wind, it messes up my perfect
bangs. Although..who else will butcher up my hair more than my mom.

Huh?..

A small ball of snow lands in the palm of my hand like dust, many more coat my head.

It’s snowing. Seriously? In the middle of fall? By the time it reaches December, there will be
no more snow left to fall. As I enter my childhood neighborhood, more snow clouds the
ground in small uneven circles, I notice them on the roofs of people’s houses. Not much has
changed in the neighborhood since I left, other than the aging of houses, flowers slowly
drifting to death, and the leaves on trees shifting from a deep green into a mix of orange, red,
and yellow. All pretty colors. Although, I prefer cooler color tones, like navy blue and
lavender.
Soon, I reach my home. It’s very small, but it’s enough for us four. Before I reach the worn
stairs leading to my home, a fresh trail of footprints in the snow appear. I lean down to touch
it – it’s new, especially since it had only started snowing a few minutes ago. Strange. It
doesn’t seem like these footprints are in a hurry. Maybe, Sayu or Mom went outside to see if
I arrived? Probably.. I trudge up the stairs, it creaks as I step on each stair.

I knock on the door 3 times, “Hello? Mom, Dad? Sayu?”

There was no response.

I knock again. “It’s me, Light!”

The silence almost mocks me as it is around me again. I decide to just go in.

––

It’s dark and quiet. It almost sends me shivers, yet I remind myself that this could be a
surprise party for me. Maybe this time I’ll be stunned. I aim for the kitchen, despite being
unable to see anything. My fingers feel for the light switch, they keep on missing until..
bingo.

Thud.

The cake box slips out of my hands like smooth butter as distress enters my eyes like drops of
snow.

“..Mom?”

Her body lies on the floor, a puddle of blood spilled beside her – her face was pale like a
ghost. Her body was as still as time itself, it seemed to go on and sneak off just under my
grasp.
“Mom..” I crept beside her, my body was shaking so slightly it terrifies me – cold sweat
breaks out on my face rolling down my cheekbones. I hold her body in my arms. It’s cold like
every bit of that home feeling I feel with her...is gone.

She feels like a complete stranger – like somebody who I was imaginining being with me my
whole entire life. I..

“Somebody please.. talk to me?..”

“This is a prank, right? Heh, I didn’t think you guys would go this far..”

Tears began to blur my vision as they drip down my cheeks. “I.. think this is a prank. So,
why.. am I crying..?”

Everything inside me throbs like earthquakes, my eyes sting from the salt filled tears. Bile
suddenly rises up in my throat, I quickly swallow it down, only for it to return.

I find myself yeilding for air, making me choke on nothing but the disappearing bile
shrinking.

My eyes frantically look around the kitchen, where’s Dad and Sayu?!..

I hestiantly leave Mom’s body and ran to check the bedrooms.

My fingers quickly swung open the door of Sayu’s bedroom.

My insides shake again, making it unbearable to breath, stand, or do anything. I fall to my

knees, unable to control the tears streaming down my cheeks – as if it had a mind of its own.
“Sayu…Dad…” They are both on the floor, more blood is everywhere, it’s in my sight
everytime I look at anything, I can’t escape it. Dad’s black glasses are soaked in blood and
tipped over beside him. A paper-made card is set near Sayu.

My hands are trembling as I slowly pick up the card from the floor. Most of the paper is
splattered with the blood of my precious sister. The sister that I failed to protect.

Welcome back home Light!

I really missed you during those few months.. I’m really glad you’re coming to stay with us
for as long as the academy lets you. Damn, a stupid school is stealing my brother away
from me >:( OH! AND DID MY PLUSHIES DO THE JOB?? They better did. They had
one job..

Anyways, love you! Let’s bake something together, yeah?

-Sayu ♡

“I am.. so.. so..sorry, Sayu.. I wasn’t there..”

“I wasn’t there for any of you…”

The only things in motion are the thoughts spiraling inside my head, and the brawling from
me, my mouth is wide open, still desiring air as much as wanting this to be a dream. Please.. I
just want to wake up. Somebody please, wake me up. Tell me this is a dream. Tell me it was
all just in my head!.. I must be in a horror movie. Haha.. funny.. Light, wake up. WAKE UP!..

Sobs are escaping from me so easily like walking, such a basic thing, but instead of walking,
I feel like I am running a never ending marathon.

“Someone must.. have done.. this..”

“WHO DID THIS?!” I shouted as hard as I could -- as if no one else was left on this earth. I
was now all alone.

“Whoever… did this will..pay.. I will make sure of it.” I say these words so firmly, yet I am
shaking so much.

“Mom.. Dad..Sayu..”

I… will become justice.”

 Fucked Everything Up
Chapter Notes

HEYYY CHAPTER TWO LETS GOOOOOOO!! THE LAST TWO WEEKS WERE
CRAZY BC OF SCHOOL AS ALWAYS SO IT TOOK A BIT FOR ME TO UPDATE...
BUT ANYWAYS ENJOY!!!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Questions swarm around in my head like my brain was a home to bees, fluttering in my head
and stomping on any type of answer I quickly put together.

What happened?

Do you have any other family?

What were they doing, what were you doing?

The officer stands there clueless, tilting his head as he notices I haven’t spoken a word.

Then, the taunting question came flying out of his mouth.

Are you okay?

No! Of course not. My whole family was murdered right in front of me, their lifeless bodies
are right there, they don’t exist. To anyone and they’re no longer here for me. But I should be
okay. I’ll get through it like every other obstacle in my life, I have to. I don’t have time to
scream, shout, and cry for hours with no end. That’s impossible to do.
My hands tremble and I find my teeth digging into my lower lip. Why am I acting this way?
Get it together, Light. Please..

I felt a strike of dizziness to my head like someone punched me across the face. My legs
slowly formed into noodles and so did my arms — the dizziness affecting my brain and
vision. Black clumps of darkness filled my sight, one cluster by another and soon, I lost
control of my body and everything.

At that moment, I became nothing.

––

I awoke in a white room, lying in a bed. A white comforter was wrapped around me, it kept
me warm and cozy. I admit I didn’t want to leave this bed.. but I had to figure out where I
was. The last thing I remember is feeling a wave of instability in my legs and after that, the
world around me was black.

I slowly lift myself up from the bed to see an officer sitting in a chair beside me. His soft blue
eyes drift up and gaze upon me, a glimpse of relief seeped through his glossy eyes.

“You’re awake.” He says, picking his head up. “Are you feeling okay? You fainted in the
middle of the questioning.”

“Yeah, I’m alright. I think.” My fingers reach up to scratch my head, “Am I at a hospital?”

“No, you’re at the station. One of our officers had experience with this type of thing and
informed us you only needed rest. Too many people might have caused this reaction, which is
completely understandable. I prepared a room where you are comfortable and with only
myself in your presence to continue my questioning.”

The officer added, “Only if you are ready to talk. I wouldn’t want to rush you since you have
just woken up.”
“No, it’s alright. Feel free to ask me the questions you need.” I replied as I let out a quiet
sigh.

“Alright.”

“First of all, I don’t think I have introduced myself.” The officer smiled, “I’m Raye Penber,
and you are?” He questioned.

“Yagami Light,” I say, “Pleased to meet you, Penber-san.”

“Likewise, Light.”

Penber-san cleared his throat before speaking again, “Tell me what happened when you came
home.”

I was taken back to the scene, my breathing tensed up and each breath I took was more

frequent than the next. My fingers were shaking once again as I looked back up to Penber-
san’s eyes, before instantly looking back down. I didn’t know how to calm myself down. I
can’t just break right in front of a stranger, especially a police officer.

Tears are sprinkling in my eyes so quickly that it starts to ache disruptively. I am trying so
hard to hold everything inside me, but it’s so fucking hard.

I gasp for air while struggling to talk and breathe at the same time. “I..”

“I.. was.. on.. my way home from…Shini Academy.. and I came home to-”

I felt as if God had robbed me of air at this moment, I couldn’t go on. I couldn’t say it. Yeah
Light, your whole family was murdered. Dead. Can’t you say that? I can’t.
“I’m.. sorry. I can’t say.” I say, feeling so ashamed of myself. I’m a star student and good at
everything I do, so why can’t I just tell an officer what clearly happened? I’m supposed to be
strong. I’m Light. I can do anything. I can endure anything. It should be easy. But, yet why is
it so hard to even breathe?

Penber-san’s expression softens, a small frown playing on his lips. I don’t like the way he’s
looking at me. He’s pitying me.

“Don’t worry about it, Light.”

“I just have one more question for you and I’ll leave you to rest, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Did you notice anything strange before you entered your home? Or anything out of the
ordinary.”

Huh. I was just so caught up with everything that happened and trying to process it that I
didn’t really remember much of anything.

Then suddenly, my eyes flashed back to the footprints I saw before entering my home. They
were fresh..

“I just saw some footsteps that looked relatively new. I thought it was just Sayu or my mom
checking if I had arrived. They didn’t look like they were in a hurry.”

Penber-san hummed in response, nodding his head. “I see.. I’ll have the other officers closely
investigate the area again and look into that. Thank you, Light. I really appreciate your
willingness to talk to me right now, especially after what you went through. I’m so sorry for
your loss.”

I force out a smile, “It’s no problem.”

Penber-san’s face was filled with tenderness as he got up from his chair. “As I’ve said, I will
now leave you to rest. Feel better soon, Light.” He soon leaves the room, sliding the door
shut.

I am now left with nothing but silence. I dread that more than anything.

––

I keep a collected face on as I stare at the woman on my left weeping – her brown hair was
long and swept into a low ponytail over her shoulder. Her lips were coated in a dark reddish
brown lipstick, her eyes were weary and swollen. Her hands held a mascara-smudged
handkerchief.

She looks.. just like Mom. That thought alone sends me out cold, No. I can’t do that right
now. It’s getting harder and harder to control myself. I just want to scream and cry, for hours
on end, but I can’t. I just can’t do that.

I avert my gaze away from the woman, the gravestones of my cherished family are now in
sight. I find myself focusing on the carved letters, Yagami Sayu, Yagami Soichiro, and
Yagami Sachiko. The family that I couldn’t protect. I have failed them. The longer I look at
them, the more I feel the guilt washing over me like a crashing tide. I immediately look
away.

“I’m sorry.” I feel my breathing cutting short again, my eyes throbbing like they are the heart
inside me that was crushed and stepped on by someone who was too much of a coward to
show themselves.

After that, I just walked away, walked away in shame. I couldn’t even say goodbye.

––

I stand with a small suitcase in my hand as I nervously reach the surface of the door to
knock.
Knock. Knock.

For some reason, this reminds me of the time I entered my home so oblivious to what
obviously happened. Of course, this is different. I am not at that terror of a home. I mean, I
wouldn’t even call it my home anymore… It doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t feel like
anything, yet I seem to feel everything. The feeling leaves me frozen like I’m stuck in an ice
cube or a never-ending blizzard trapped in a snow globe.

I snapped back to life as soon as the door opened, revealing Hanamaki in a gray sweatshirt
and sweats. Her hair is down and her face is wiped clean of makeup.

“Hey, Light! Welcome.” Hanamaki greets me, stepping aside for me to come in.

I smile. “Hey, Hanamaki.” I step inside, coming into view of her living room.

My eyes swarm around the room. It’s very different. There’s a giant TV mounted on a gray
brick wall, and below is an average white console table. It isn’t used for anything but the
table sits there, with only the flower-filled colorful vases sitting on its surface. A dark gray
couch is set near my right, it is stuffed with pillows and a singular white fluffy blanket
hanging from the edge. The couch has an extension that allows you to fully lay down.

“Do you live alone?” I say, still looking around the room. There was a white coffee table in
the middle, and a picture frame sat in the corner of the table.

I hear Hanamaki shut the door behind her and stroll ahead of me, “No, I live with my mom.
But, she’s going to be out of town for a few days.. She says I could bring anyone over in the
meantime.” She explained.

“Oh, did you want anything to drink, Light? I have literally everything.” Hanamaki added,
her face fading to a deadpan; “I’m serious. My mom buys all kinds of juices, milk, you name
it.”

I let out a chuckle to that, “I’ll have strawberry milk if you really are sticking to your word.”
“Of course.” She winked before leaving for the kitchen connected to the living room. I settle
on the couch, fidgeting with a single ring on my index finger. Soon, Hanamaki returned with
a glass of strawberry milk.

“Here you go.” She says as her hands pass the glass to me.

It really is strawberry milk. I smile to myself. “You kept your word, Hanamaki.” The smile
that was plastered on my lips was now directed to her, taking a sip of the milk from the rim of
the glass. It was amazing.

She grinned, “You seem really happy with the milk.” Hanamaki sits down next to me on the
couch as I chug the rest of the milk down my throat.

“By the way.. Hanamaki starts, “You don’t have to call me Hanamaki. I kind of dislike it a lot
because it seems so formal, even if it is my first name.. Call me Maki instead.”

I hummed in reply, nodding my head. “Okay, Maki.”

The smile returns to Maki’s lips, “You know, a funny thing is that I actually tell people a
different name that I prefer to be called each time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I like to think my full first name is two different names, Hana and Maki. I told you to
call me Maki, but others may call me Hana.” She smiles nervously; “Sometimes I wonder
how I can respond to two different names… But! You can call me either Maki or Hana, it’s
your choice Light.”

“No no, I wouldn’t want to trouble you by calling you two different names.. I’ll stick with
Maki! Honestly, it feels like you have two identities, but not really.. you know?”
“It can be like that sometimes.. But I like to think that these are not two different identities,
but more of different parts that make up me.”

“That’s really cool.” I smile, “Thank you, by the way. For letting me stay for a while.. I hope
it wasn’t too much trouble..” I plaster a weak smile.

“Oh, don’t worry about it Light! Honestly, I’m glad you needed to stay with me since I would
be quite lonely..” Maki sighs, tucking her hands behind her head like pillows.

I push out a smile, “Mhm.. Although, I wish it wasn’t the reason I had to stay with you,
Maki.”

Her eyes were flooded with worries, her body was as if it was startled by my words, but in
the most respectful way possible. I don’t think Maki would mean it like that. She’s a sweet
girl.

“Oh, no, no! Of course not!” She waves her hands in the air, “I’m sorry for saying that, I
didn’t mean it that way, I promise.”

“It’s okay Maki. I know you didn’t.” I add, “I’m also glad I’m here. Your house is comfy.”

That was half a lie. It was a truth that I liked Maki’s home, but I really wished that I wasn’t
here and instead I would be eating dinner with Mom, Dad, and Sayu. Laughing and Sayu
would gossip all about her latest idol obsession. It was in those moments that I really felt that
home feeling. That moment was my life, every single day. It’s not that I didn’t like that. I just
wish that I had cherished the moment more and done everything in my power to play it over
and over again like a forever-ending video.

All of a sudden, I just felt like I couldn’t talk, more like I didn’t want to. I was starting to
display those parts inside me that I thought I had locked away from others a long time ago. I
guess it never went away. I just got better at hiding it. Now, I sit in silence with Maki, my
head resting at a high angle against the couch head. With eyes weighing tons, I slowly drift
into a deep sleep.

––
I awoke in a black room that seemed to have no end. My feet can feel the slimy gray liquid
beneath me, and my eyes look down, making a face.

There was absolutely nothing around me except for the silhouette reflecting from me against
the milky gray liquid. Why am I here? What is this place? I turn to my right and sprinted as
fast as I could, hoping to find an exit out of this madness of a place.

I ran what left like hours until I reach a wide open door, more of that slimy gunk is spilling
through like a hurricane rushing in. Even though the slimy gunk is really gross, it was

astonishing that it had no smell. I couldn’t smell anything at all, it was really starting to creep
me out. Am I in an alien ship or perhaps territory? What the actual hell is this place?

I cautiously wander into the door, ready to strike if anyone or anything appears out of
nowhere. Instead, I am faced with the liquid drowning Sayu with incredible force, her face is
held by an almost arm-like form of liquid, a single tear rolls down Sayu’s terrified face.

“Light, please help me! This thing is going to eat me alive!”

No.. Sayu!

“It’s going to be okay, Sayu. I’m coming to help.”

She nods, smiling at me softly.

I begin to run toward Sayu, until a liquified arm flew from under and tugged on my leg,
pulling me down to meet the liquid face to face. “Sayu!”

“Fuck, I can’t move!”

“SHIT!” The liquid silhouette arm had a tough grip on me, it starts to make my whole body
sink. In the corner of my eye, I saw Sayu’s head slowly sinking down, she mutters, “Help..”

“No. No. No. No.”

“Light dear, save us!” I could hear two voices, a male and a female voice, it was Mom and
Dad. Fuck, they also need help. God, what is this thing?! Fuck, I can’t fail them again. No.
No. Never again. This is my only chance.

My arms reach as high as they could, trying to find something to grip on. I manage to bring

myself up, only for my fingers to slip, causing my body to collapse. It felt like I was
suffocated, drowning, but not drowning at the same time. It’s hot and sweaty, making me
want to rip my skin off, a large chunk after another. I need to get up. My family needs me!

I..

can’t .. breathe.

No no no no no! I need to-

My limbs felt as if they were deflating, one by one, like my whole existence and my body
were all just balloons.

I was sinking and sinking and sinking and sinking and sink-

“AHHH!” I scream, my upper body flung up instantly, tears rolling down my cheeks
uncontrollably as if my eyes are a leaking ceiling.

It was a dream. It was a dream. I was so afraid, yet why did I want it to be a reality? The fact
that I was given a chance.. I was there that time. I could finally be there to do whatever it
takes to save my family. Yet, I failed them. I failed them in my dream. How can I even
forgive myself? Or even take me seriously?!

Maki comes running towards me in her gray sweatshirt and sweats, a pink sleeping mask on
her head like sunglasses, “Light?! Are you okay?!” Her eyes were corrupted with shock and
concern. For me?..

She ran to me, her arms open to me and for some reason, this moment was going in slow
motion. My body tensed up as she came closer, my palms sweaty, eyes glued onto my face
like I couldn’t even relax to blink, breathe, or do anything that was humanly natural.

As soon she hugged me, I instantly pushed her away, her body slamming onto the floor.

“Oh- oh my god, I’m so sorry, Maki!” I say almost immediately.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you I just-

She said something to me, but I couldn’t catch it.

“What?..”

“I said.. get out of my house!” Her voice was straining and loud, yelling with anger. Her face
was covered with her thick brown hair, her body sprawled on the wooden floor.

She feels unreachable like an invisible wall is around her. It is small but invincible against
anything I do. My breathing is taken away again — This moment feels like a version of my
nightmare, except that I was the one who did wrong. It’s awful to wish for this, but I wish I
actually meant to hurt Maki, at least in the slightest, because then, I would actually be at
fault. I would actually be able to do what I mean to do. Not be controlled by my
unconsciousness or a figure above the skies!
“Shit, Maki I didn’t mean to, please..” I say with every part of my body trembling, a drop of
sweat rolling down my cheek out of nowhere.

“Please leave.”

That invisible wall was still around her as she gave me my bags and shut the door in my face.
That was all she said to me that night and I was once again left with silence, my hands
clutching the handle of my bag as I lower myself into tears, my body shivering.

I made another stranger.. Didn’t I?..

––

My legs felt like they were submerged in water as I trudged down the streets of Justin, my
face dry of tears. I never had the chance to see the city at night. The way the moon shined its
rays on the empty crosswalk, the sound of the asleep birds resting in their nests, and people
wiped clean from the streets and inside of the nearby shops.

I was always cramming in study time for exams, alone in my dorm while my friends went out
for a drink. It seemed that no one else understood my drive for success because no one else
had that feeling more than I did. But, that caused me to be ignorant of times like these, where
you absolutely feel like you’re free just like an eagle. Maybe that’s how my friends felt. They
didn’t understand me, and I couldn’t understand them either.

I kept on walking, I realized that these streets really went on for eternity. Usually in broad
daylight, people are around, and everything is so-called alive. You had a destination to go to.
Everyone did. I guess every moment in peoples’ everyday lives showed that they had that
drive for success as well. Wanting to get to work on time, land a promotion, get that A+ on
that exam, or just simply wanting a day to be great. I can’t believe I missed all of this.

I was always wrapped in my whole head, grades, effort, class participation, projects, and
being a leader. I wanted so badly to be in control. Sometimes I wished that I was a
puppetmaster, where I could control everything, everyone, and myself. But, that would be
extremely unacceptable if I could do that. It’s just a wish. Nothing more.
 A breeze flows from behind and sends my hair flying abruptly, the brown strands are ticklish
on the rim of my nose and cheeks. My eyes spot a dark alleyway, it is empty and the facades

of buildings have been tampered with by bright marks from spray cans. An empty spray can
is left on the ground, it moves on its own as if someone was here not long ago and had fled
from the place.

I move closer into the alleyway, my legs suddenly flinching like they were fresh out of water
after being submerged for decades. As I enter the alleyway, I neared the brick red facade.
That’s when I noticed these imprints were more than just random marks..

“Save us?..”

My hands were grabbed in an instant, my back crumpled as it was slammed on the brick
facade. I heard a click, but to my brain at that moment, it sounded like a bomb about to crash
on me. A black polished gun was forcibly pointed at the side of my forehead, all happening
in a bright eye-blinding flash.

“Who do we have here!” A deep, almost mocking, and scratchy voice shoots up to my ears
like a firework.

Fuck.

Chapter End Notes

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