FM The Art of Communication

THE ART OF
COMMUNICAT0IN
FACILIT AT OR MAN UAL

Version: 1.0
FACILITATOR MANUAL VERSION: 1.0
TABLE OF CONTENTS
AGENDA 3
WELCOME AND
4 CONTEXT SETTING
ICEBREAKER AND
INTRODUCTIONS 6
8 COMMUNICATIONS THEORY
EXERCISE ON
BARRIERS AND FILTERS 12
18 COMMUNICATIONS WRAP-UP
BODY LANGUAGE 20
NON-VERBAL BEHAVIOR
24 INTERPRETATION
ACTIVITY AND QUESTIONS 26
28 ACTIVE LISTENING
ACTIVE LISTENING EXERCISE 34
ACTIVITY & ACTIVE
36 LISTENING QUIZ
FEEDBACK 40
44 EXERCISE ON FEEDBACK
RECEIVING OF FEEDBACK 48
50 PROGRAM CLOSURE
THE ART OF COMMUNICATION
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AGENDA
9.00 am to 9.15 am - Welcome and context setting.
9.15 am to 9.40 am - Icebreaker and introductions.
9.40 am to 10.15 am - Communications theory.
10.15 am to 10.30 am - Tea Break.
10.30 am to 11.20 am - Exercise on Barriers and Filters.
11.20 am to 11.30 am - Communications Wrap-up.
11.30 am to 12 noon - Body Language.
12 noon to 12.15 pm - Activity and questions.
12.15 pm to 1.15 pm - Lunch.
1.15 pm to 2.15 pm - Active Listening.
2.15 pm to 3.00 pm - Active Listening Exercise.
3.00 pm to 3.15 pm - Tea Break.
3.15 pm to 3.45 pm - Activity & Active Listening Quiz.
3.45 pm to 4.00 pm - Feedback.
4.00 pm to 4.40 pm - Exercise on Feedback.
4.40 pm to 4.50 pm - Receiving of Feedback.
4.50 pm to 5.00 pm - Program Closure.
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1.1 THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

À 9.00 am – 9.15 am
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to this program on
“The art of Communication.
”My name is .................................................................................................................
From childhood onwards, as we come into contact with other people, our aim is to let
them know what our thoughts, feelings and perceptions are. At the same time, we listen
to them to find out theirs. As we grow older, and take up a job, this process becomes
even more important. Plans must be carried out, job assignments must be completed,
group goals must be achieved. Other people must perforce be involved in all these
activities. For all this interpersonal behaviour, it is necessary for us to interact with
people, and to share with them our thoughts, feelings and perceptions. This art of
sharing with other people is called communication.
So, if we are to be effective interpersonally, we should
Have effective communication,

Be effective in face-to-face communication,
Avoid, or remove, the misunderstandings that arise in any communication situation.
So, basically, in this program, we try to understand the following:
1. What do we mean by communication?

2. What is the role of body language in communication?
3. How should we listen to people – importance of active listening.
4. How to convey our perceptions about actions/behaviour - feedback.
Before any program starts, it is customary to lay down some ground rules:
1. Please keep your cell-phones on silent mode, or switch them off.

2. Please return from the breaks on time.
3. Do not hesitate to make mistakes.
4. Never think that you are asking a dumb question.
5. Always ‘cheat.’
6. Above all, at all times, have fun.
Let’s start with the last ground rule first. Are you all ready for a bit of fun?
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1.2 ICE BREAKER

À 9.15 am – 9.40 am
Materials required: Nil.
Time required: About 25 minutes.
Procedure: (Brief each participant as follows)
Think of three questions you would ask another person if you met him for the first
time.
Avoid the question “What is your name.”
Now, I want you to get up and move around the room. Meet the person nearest to
you, and ask your three questions. Remember the answers.
At the same time, answer the three questions that the other person asks.
Then move on to the next person.
Keep up this activity for 10 minutes, and meet as many persons as you can, and find
out about them.
(Let them finish this activity. After 10 minutes)
Now please return to your seats.
Let the first person stand up, and give his name and the place where he comes
from. (After he does it)
Can the others give me at least one point about him that you have gathered from his
answers?
(Continue these till all the members have introduced themselves, and the ice has been
broken.)
Thank you all for introducing yourselves, and welcome once again to this program.
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Notes:
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1.3 COMMUNICATIONS THEORY

À 9.40 am – 10.15 am
Let’s now understand the meaning of Communication.
What is communication?
(Invite responses, and write down the responses on the board. Pick out the ones you
want after they finish, and say)
So we see that you define communication as
The sharing or exchange
Of information (i.e. thoughts, ideas, and opinions)
Between two or more persons.
Is this a sufficient definition? Anything else required? The last sentence of this definition
should be “…so that there is common understanding between them.”
In the above definition, the most important features are:
Sharing – This is an integral part of communication. In fact, it is the foundation of

communication. Some even go so far as to say that sharing itself is communication.
Common Understanding – Why is it important? Because words mean different things to

different cultures. Suppose I make the statement:
“Mysore is a dry city.” What do I mean? (After the responses) So you see, when I say
‘dry’ I may mean a lack of water, or rainfall, or liquor, or life itself. I have to be very
specific if you have to understand me. Such examples are galore.
The boss says to the secretary: “This will be a very important meeting. Keep an
accurate account of the minutes.” After the meeting he asks her: “Have you kept
accurate minutes?”
Her reply: “Yes sir. 53 minutes and 23 seconds.”
The boss tells the secretary: “Take this paper and burn it.” She shreds the paper, and
burns the pieces. When she reports back to her boss, he says: “Now give me the
original back.” So what is she going to give him? Who is at fault – the boss or the
secretary? (Get responses) Both are at fault – the boss for not being clear, and the
secretary for not clarifying what he meant.
Let us also consider this aspect – do we really require 2 persons to communicate? (Get
responses) Then what about the dialogue that is always going on inside our heads at
every moment (even now when I am speaking to you) and to which we actively, though
silently, respond? When we are young, we respond to this dialogue silently. As we grow
older, we find that we tend to respond to it actively – hence the number of senior citizens
who seem to be talking to themselves. In this program, however, communication is
between two or more persons.
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How does communication start? When someone wants to say something. Let us call
him the sender. This sender should have someone to listen to him. Let us call this
second person the receiver. When the sender talks, and the receiver listens,
communication has taken place. If we restrict ourselves to only this, then we have One-
way communication. How effective is one-way communication? Let’s try an experiment.
One Way Communication

Materials Required: A geometrical figure on a sheet of paper, which should not be
shown or be visible to the participants.
Procedure: Give the following instructions to the participants. Either the facilitator can
do the dictation, or use a volunteer for the activity.
I shall be dictating a geometrical figure to you.

I shall repeat each sentence twice.
You cannot ask me any questions or clarifications; just draw the diagram as I dictate
it. (Start and end dictation)
Now how many persons got that right? (Show them the original diagram)
Debrief: Why has your drawing deviated from mine? (Get responses like lack of
clarification, no questioning etc.)
But what do you think was the main problem? Is dictating the best way to reproduce a
geometrical figure? What should I have done? Either hang it up, or project it on a screen.
Now do you see the truth of the ancient Chinese proverb: “One picture is worth a
thousand words?”
We thus see that one-way communication does not elicit the best results.
So what else is required? If the communication is to be meaningful, then the receiver

must give a response. He must acknowledge that he has heard the message, and
understood it. Lack of response can be a really frustrating thing. Suppose you are telling
your friend about the latest book that you read, and he just keeps staring at you without
any reactions whatsoever, then what are you to conclude? You are confused, and after a
time become angry at being ignored. It is only when a response is given that the
dialogue can continue.
How many of you have heard the term ‘feedback?’ What does it mean? Is it also a
response, or does it mean anything more? Well, feedback is first of all an
acknowledgement that the message has been received, and then it goes on to tell the
sender how successfully he has transmitted his message, and what is the effect of his
message either on the receiver or on anybody else. It is one step above a response.
There can be good communication, and there can be effective communication. What is
the difference? In good communication, the receiver understands the sender. In effective
communication, the sender achieves the intended results from the receiver. Effective
communication implies good communication, whereas vice versa need not be true.
What is the ingredient that makes all the difference? It is nothing but “Clarity.” Not only
the sender but also the listener should be clear. Let me give you an example.
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The Shoe-Less Alien
Materials required: One shoe with lace (do not use laceless shoe), one sock. Lady
facilitators may have to bring a shoe, a sock, and a lace with them for this exercise.
Time required: About 10-15 minutes.
Procedure: Facilitator shall sit in a chair in front of the participants, facing them. On the
floor, or for better visibility on the table, keep the shoe, the sock, and the lace separately.
Then brief the participants:
We shall play a game called “The Shoe-less Alien.”
I am an alien from another galaxy. I wanted to study this world, and so I came here
dressed as an Earthling. Initially, I was fully dressed. But in my curiosity, I have taken off
one shoe, its sock, and the lace of the shoe. Now I do not know how to put them on. You,
the ever-helpful Earth-people, will help me put on my shoe.
But I have some limitations.
My understanding of English is very basic. I can hear only one person at a time – I
stop functioning if too many people talk at the same time.
My eyesight is poor, and I cannot see gestures.
No one can touch me or my shoe etc. if they do, they will be vaporized.
Now, will you people help me to put on my shoe?
(There will be a lot of voices giving directions. Ignore them.
When one voice starts, do exactly as instructed. For example, if the instructions are:
“Put the sock on your foot,” pick up the sock and place it on your leg. If they say: “Pick
up the lace,” pick it up by the middle.
React only to very clear and precise directions. All should have a lot of fun.)
Debrief: Because communication is as old as time itself, we all labor under a

misconception that we are excellent communicators. What did this game show? (Get
responses.)
So you see, you may communicate well, but if you do not have clarity there will be a lot
of problems, and your communication will not be effective. That is why you should be
even more careful when talking over a phone.
Okay, so now we have learnt all that is to be learnt about communication. Can we
therefore, theoretically at least, call ourselves masters of communication? Alas, not yet!
There is an English proverb which says: ‘The path of true love never runs smooth.’ The
same holds good for communication. Its path is mined with external and internal
obstacles which hinder effective communication.
The external obstacles are distractions which exist outside both the sender and receiver,
and prevent effective communication. These are called as Barriers. Can you give me
some examples? Noise, language, cross-talk, distance, mechanical failure, jargon,
visual distraction etc.
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The internal obstacles are those which exist within the sender and the receiver. These
prevent the undistorted flow of communication. In other words, they tend to distort
communication, and hence they are called as Filters. These are the feelings that exist
inside both parties, like shyness, superiority complex, disinterest, pre-conceived notions
or opinions, rigid attitudes, anger, disappointment, sorrow etc.
Let us now have a short 15 minute break. When we re-assemble, we shall be doing an
exercise on barriers and filters to help us understand more about them.
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1.4 EXERCISE ON BARRIERS AND FILTERS

À 10.30 am – 11.20 am
Materials required: Refer to corresponding page in Participant Manual.
Time required: About 10 minutes for the brainstorming, and 5 minutes for each group
to give its response – total 40 minutes. Add another 10 minutes for questions and
contributions by other groups. Facilitator should keep telling the participants to keep time
schedules, else they will go on for too long.
Procedure: (Divide the group into 6 teams. Give instructions as follows)
Let us now do a very interesting exercise on barriers and filters. Given below are six
situations. Each group will take up one situation (clarify which group will take up which
situation.)
Find out the barriers and filters in each situation by brainstorming in your group.
Do not restrict yourself to the most obvious ones; go beyond them to imagined
circumstances also.
(Correct the participants if they cannot pick out all the barriers and filters)
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Situation 1: Rohan is speaking to his friend Rakshak about an interesting book that he
read recently. Rakshak has to appear for an on-line test tomorrow, which may help him
to go abroad for further studies. He wants some help from Rohan. Just then, Rehana,
the most beautiful girl in the college passes by and waves to both of them.
Barriers and Filters:
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Situation 2: Your Professor has been given the task of selecting one person from your
class to represent your college in the Inter-college debate competition. He selects
Rashmi. You are the best debater in the class, and feel that you should have been
selected, but you feel that the Professor has chosen impartially. Then you come to know
that Rashmi’s father is a friend of the Professor’s!
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Situation 3: Sharmila , your friend and classmate, has borrowed books from you
several times. She returned them on all occasions, but some of them were not in the
same good condition in which they were when she borrowed them. She is now asking
you to lend her your Scooty since she has to run an urgent errand.
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Situation 4: You are discussing some difficult problem with your Maths Professor in the
Staff Room, when suddenly a crowd of students bursts into the room. They are led by
the Students Union Secretary, who is an uncouth person, and bad-mouths everybody.
He starts to yell at the Professor for failing one of his friends during the last semester.
You intervene and try to calm matters. But the leader and the others turn on you and call
you a chamcha of the Professor. You are itching to tell them to get lost, but you find that
you cannot.
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Situation 5: You and your friend Rajesh are discussing the latest Hindi movie. Sheela,
who overhears your conversation, butts in with her views. It is her normal habit to
interrupt other people’s conversations. Rajesh looks at her, and then turns his back on
her. He ignores Sheela’s remarks, as if she had never uttered them, and continues his
discussion with you.
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Situation 6: You know that a particular friend of yours is prejudiced against every
community other than his own. Suddenly, one day, you hear him giving a lecture about
all human beings equal in the eyes of God!
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1.5 COMMUNICATIONS WRAP-UP

À 11.20 am – 11.30 am
(Facilitator will then address the participants)
Just listen to me. (Read out the following very slowly, with long pauses between
sentences)
It is .................... a very serious .................... Situation if the .................... rains do not

come .................... in time to sow .................... the crops in the fields .................... The
farmers .................... will be totally .................... worried, and the .................... district
administration in .................... total panic.
Debrief: What was wrong with this situation? (Get responses) I thought that by reading
it so slowly and clearly, you would understand it better. (There will normally be protests)
Ok, tell me, what is the normal speed at which a normal English speaker speaks
English, i.e. the number of words per minute? (Ask them to guess). The normal speed is
125 to 175 words per minute.
What is the speed at which the mind understands, ie how many words per minute?
(Guess) Well, the speed at which the mind processes is 400 to 500 words per minute!!
This difference between the speed of speaking and the speed of understanding is called
the ‘word lag.’ To the listener, it appears as if there are spaces between each word even
the normal speaker speaks. We tend to fill up this bandwidth by doing things other than
listening. If our distraction is momentary, we come back quickly, and don’t lose anything.
If we don’t, we miss quite a lot of what is said to us.
So you see that communication is a very difficult process. With all the difficulties
involved, it is a wonder that we can understand each other at all.
Murphy’s Laws of Communication say:
1. Communication usually fails – except by chance.

2. If any message can be understood in many ways, it will usually be understood in the
way that can cause the most harm.
In fact, studies have shown that if seven messages are sent, only one gets through
effectively!
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1.6 BODY LANGUAGE

À 11.30 am – 12.00 noon
Let us now move on to a new area. Before that, let’s have a small exercise.
Body Language
Procedure: (Facilitator will stand before the participants and say)
All of you, please stand up. Now, I want all of you to follow me. All of you look at me,
and stand straight.
Now, lift up your right arm and point it at the ceiling. (Facilitator will perform the same
action, and also do all the following actions as he says them aloud.)
Next, keeping your index finger pointing at the ceiling, bunch the other fingers into a
fist.
Bend your right elbow, and take your right index finger slowly down so as to touch the
centre of your forehead.
Again point your finger at the ceiling. Take a deep breath.
Again bending your right elbow, move your finger slowly downwards to touch your
chin (Start moving your right hand downwards while saying this, and touch your
NOSE.
Most of them will do the same, and some will say, Chin, Chin. Then ask them to
return to their seats.)
Debrief: So what happened? How many of you touched your nose? Why did you do
this? Because you did what I did, but not what I said. That is why this caused confusion.
This same confusion is present in communication. If the words, the tone, and the body
language are all in step, in synchronization, then the communication is said to be
CONGRUENT. If any of the above elements is in dissonance, or not in synch, then the
communication becomes non- congruent. The message becomes unclear to the
listener, and a wrong meaning is carried away because of this non-congruent message.
There is one more aspect that I would like to point out to you. What percentage of the
message is conveyed by words, what percentage by tone, and what percentage by body
language? (Ask them to guess) Research has been carried out on this aspect, and it
has been found that only 7 % of the message is conveyed by words, 38% by tone, and
as much as 55 % by body language! Isn’t this an eye-opener? Do you think its true?
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Let me give you an example.
(Facilitator will do the following, taking the help of one volunteer.)
(Ask someone to come to you, hand you a book, and say: “This is a very good book. You
must read it!” This will be done 3 different times, and your response, though using the
same words, will be different each time.)
I think that this is a very interesting book. (Just look at the book. Then stare straight
ahead, speak in a bored voice, don’t move any part of your body)
I think that this is a very interesting book ( Don’t even look at the book. Look down, speak
in a very nervous voice, as if you are ready to cry)
I think that this is a very interesting book (Glance through the book, meet the eyes of the
lender, make your tone suitably pleasant, and move your head in an assenting gesture)
Now, which message did you find the most believable? Obviously the third one, because
all the components were in step, isn’t it?
So do you agree that body language is a very important part of communication. As the
ancient Chinese proverb says: “The body never lies, and the body never keeps quiet.”
We have said that up to 93 % of communication is non-verbal. This includes tone of

voice, eye movement, posture, hand gestures, facial expressions and more. The
pressure of body language can especially be felt in emotional situations. Body language
usually prevails over words.
Head position is a great one to play around with, with yourself and others.
When you want to feel confident and self-assured, keep your head level both
horizontally and vertically.
You can also use this straight head position when you want to be authoritative and
what you’re saying to be taken seriously.
Conversely, when you want to be friendly and in the listening, receptive mode, tilt
your head just a little to one side or other. You can shift the tilt from left to right at
different points in the conversation.
The eyes communicate more that any other part of the human anatomy. The ancient
Chinese proverb says: “The eyes are the windows, the mirrors of the soul.”
Staring or gazing at others can create pressure and tension in the room.
Maintained eye contact can show if a person is trustworthy, sincere or caring.
Shifty eyes, too much blinking can suggest deception.
People with eye movements that are relaxed and comfortable, yet attentive to the
person they are conversing with, are seen as more sincere and honest.
Eyebrow muscles draw the eyebrows down and toward the center of the face if
someone is annoyed. If someone is empathetic and caring during dialogue the
eyebrows will not show the annoyed facial grimace.
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The nose doesn’t move much, but when you wrinkle your nose, it means that you don’t
like something; it expresses disgust or distaste more than words can do.
The smile. There are 50 or so different types of human smiles. By analyzing the
movements of over 80 facial muscles involved in smiling, researchers can tell when a
smile is true. Authentic smiles are smiles that “crest” or change rapidly from a small
facial movement to a broad open expression. The smile is often reflected in the eyes if it
is a heartfelt one.
Mouth movements can give away all sorts of clues. We purse our lips and sometimes
twist them to the side when we’re thinking. Another occasion we might use this
movement is to hold back an angry comment we don’t wish to reveal. Nevertheless, it
will probably be spotted by other people and although they may not know the comment,
they will get a feeling you were not too pleased.
Vocal cues can predict deception. More and lengthier pauses during conversation; a lot
of such sounds as “uh,” “um,” word repetitions; intruding sounds not part of the actual
speech, less lengthy answers or explanations where they would be expected to be.
Ears play a vital role in communication with others, even though in general terms most
people can’t move them much, if at all. However, you’ve got two ears and only one
mouth, so try to use them in that order. If you listen twice as much as you talk you come
across as a good communicator who knows how to strike up a balanced conversation
without being me, me, me or the wallflower.
Posture is the next thing to master; get your posture right and you’ll automatically start
feeling better, as it makes you feel good almost instantly. An erect posture shows that
you are confident and alert and ready for anything. A drooping posture shows that you
have admitted defeat.
Angle of the body in relation to others gives an indication of our attitudes and feelings
towards them. We angle toward people we find attractive, friendly and interesting and
angle ourselves away from those we don’t, it’s that simple!
Bodily cues are the most reliable of all nonverbal signals of deception. This is because a
person generally has less conscious control over these than other signals. Hand-to-
face gestures and shrugs are strong markers of deception. Playing with or touching
things nearby during conversations has been found to be associated with deception.
Deceivers also are likely to have increased, quick and animated use of hands/arms
during speech.
Gestures communicate. Hand signals can communicate without the use of any speech.
Touching communicates. Touching can be friendly or it can be aggressive. The way a
person stands reflects their level of confidence and comfort level. When you want to
come across in the best possible light, crossing the arms is a no, no in front of others.
Obviously if someone says something that gets your goat, then by all means show your
disapproval by crossing them !
22
Palms slightly up and outward is seen as open and friendly. Palm down gestures are
generally seen as dominant, emphasizing and possibly aggressive, especially when
there is no movement or bending between the wrist and the forearm. This palm up, palm
down is very important when it comes to handshaking and where appropriate we
suggest you always offer a handshake upright and vertical, which should convey
equality.
Legs are the farthest away from the brain, consequently they’re the hardest bits of our
bodies to consciously control. They tend to move around a lot more than normal when
we are nervous, stressed or being deceptive. So best to keep them as still as possible
in most situations, especially at interviews or work meetings. Be careful, too, in the way
you cross your legs. Do you cross at the knees, ankles or bring your leg up to rest on
the knee of the other? This is more a question of comfort than anything else. Just be
aware that the last position mentioned is known as the “Figure Four” and is generally
perceived as the most defensive leg cross, especially if it happens as someone tells you
something that might be of a slightly dubious nature, or moments after. (As always, look
for a sequence)
Space is important. Personal space is needed and if it is invaded intentionally and at

times by oversight can cause an individual to feel uncomfortable or threatened. Studies
have shown that individuals that do not respect others space are less popular and often
rejected by others.
When you interact socially develop your listening and observations skills. The above are
a guide for looking for the clues to deception, but they are not fool proof.
In your Participant Manual is a ready-reckoner for body language. However, be careful

not to consider each body language signal in isolation; they must be seen in clusters,
and also in context. For example, if a person is scratching his head, it does not
necessarily mean that he has not understood you; he may simply be having dandruff!
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1.7 NON-VERBAL BEHAVIOR INTERPRETATION
NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR INTERPRETATION
Brisk, erect walk Confidence
Standing with hands on hips Readiness, aggression
Sitting with legs crossed,

foot kicking slightly Boredom
Sitting, legs apart Open, relaxed
Arms crossed on chest Defensiveness
Walking with hands in pockets,

shoulders hunched Dejection
Hand to cheek Evaluation, thinking
Touching, slightly rubbing nose Rejection, doubt, lying
Rubbing the eye Doubt, disbelief
Hands clasped behind back Anger, frustration, apprehension
Locked ankles Apprehension
Head resting in hand, eyes downcast Boredom
Rubbing hands Anticipation
Sitting with hands clasped

behind head, legs crossed Confidence, superiority
Open palm Sincerity, openness, innocence
Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed Negative evaluation
Tapping or drumming fingers Impatience
Steepling fingers Authoritative
Patting/fondling hair Lack of self-confidence; insecurity
Tilted head Interest
Stroking chin Trying to make a decision
Looking down, face turned away Disbelief
Biting nails Insecurity, nervousness
Pulling or tugging at ear Indecision
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1.8 ACTIVITY AND QUESTIONS

À 12.00 noon - 12.15 pm
Sort of Glad to Meet You

Materials: Nil
Procedure: (Address the participants)
Let’s now have a game called “Sort of glad to meet you.”
Can I have 8 volunteers please, 4 ladies and 4 gentlemen.
(Make them into 4 pairs, with a lady and a gentleman in each pair. Take them outside the
room, and brief each pair as follows:
Each pair will come into the room one after the other. Inside the room, the lady and the
gentleman will meet and greet each other, and enact the situations shown below. The
situation for each pair is as follows.
1st pair – Each person does not really want to meet the other person.
2nd pair – Each person is afraid that the other may reject his/her greeting.
3rd pair – They already know that they are friends.
4th pair – They know each other, but only a little.
After briefing the pairs, leave them to prepare for their situations. Come back into the
room, and address the participants).
The persons in each pair will be meeting and greeting each other, one after the other. I
would like you to guess from the body language what the situation is.
(Call the pairs in one after the other, and ask them to enact their greetings. After each
pair finishes, ask the audience what was the situation, and get their responses. Correct
them if wrong.
After the game is over, ask them)
Is this not reinforcement that body language is a very important part of communication?
After we return from lunch, let us consider the very important skill of Active Listening.
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1.9 LISTENING
À 1.15 pm – 2.15 pm
A Zen riddle asks the question: “Is there a sound in the forest if a tree crashes to the
ground and there is no one to hear it?” What is your answer to this riddle?
The answer is that no, there is no sound. That is because there can be no sound till the
act of hearing it is completed.
In the same way, there is a common misconception that communication is about talking
to people. So, by logic, more communication means more talking. The problem is that
this doesn’t work that way. Communication is not merely about talking to people. The
people also have to listen.
So communication is not complete until the listener registers the message. For this,
barriers have to be overcome, and filters should not block out the message. All this can
be achieved only by a skill known as Active Listening.
First of all, let us understand what is the difference between hearing and listening. (Ask
for audience response. Give the example of the husband having his breakfast, and
reading the paper at the same time while in a hurry to go to work, and the wife wants to
tell him all the gossip. Is he hearing or listening, and how to find out?)
What is the difference between listening and active listening?
Listening refers to the process of hearing a person, with attention being paid to his
words, tone, and body language. However, in this process, there will not be any
interaction, especially if we are listening to the radio, TV etc.
Active listening is listening carefully, with the added effort of trying to understand the
speaker’s thoughts and feelings. And then, showing to him that you understand him.
So, active listening means showing or telling the other person that you have understood
his message or his feelings. While doing so, you do not give any advice, you do not
analyze the speech, nor do you question the speaker.
In short, you set aside your own thoughts, feelings, wishes and needs to start talking. Do
not try to solve any problems. Just try to understand
what the speaker wants to say, and show him that you understand him. By this process,
you are telling the speaker that you value his words.
Active listening is quite difficult. You must listen carefully to what the speaker says, and
at the same time understand him correctly. This requires concentration and discipline.
28
Passing Information
Time required: About 10-15 minutes.
Procedure: (Say) Let us now have an exercise called “Passing Information,” which will
show how actively we listen.
(Ask for 5 volunteers, and give them serial numbers from 1 to 5.
The first volunteer is asked to stay back in the room, and the others are requested to
wait outside the room where they cannot hear what is being said inside.
Now ask the first volunteer to listen carefully to you.)
I shall be telling you something. Please listen carefully. “ Mr. Bejan Daruwalla, his wife
Roshni, and his two children Reshma and Rashmi are arriving at Bangalore from
Mumbai by flight number IC 370 at 7.30 am. They are being met at the airport by their
estate manager Rustom Shapurji, who will take them in the Mercedes to the estate at
10.30 via Cunningham Road, Trinity Circle, Langford Town, and Adugodi to celebrate
Rashmi’s birthday.” (You can repeat the sentence once more)
Now please call volunteer 2 inside the room, close the door, and repeat this sentence to
him quietly near the door. You ask him to repeat this sentence to the class, and return to
your seat. (While the first volunteer goes to call the second, tell the class what is the
sentence.)
(The second volunteer comes in, is briefed by the first volunteer, and then tells the class
what the first volunteer has told him.
He then goes out to call the third volunteer, and briefs him accordingly. This continues till
the last volunteer has finished repeating the message.)
Debrief: (Ask the participants) Is this the message that was given to the first person?
What happened, and why did it happen? (Get responses, and discuss the distortions,
deletions, and additions that have taken place.)
How could this have been avoided? By each person actively listening to the message!
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There are some skills which help you to be proficient in active listening. They are:-
1. Suspending Judgement: This skill consists of

a) Keeping an open mind. You do not have any pre-conceived notions about the
speaker or the subject, and filter out any likes or dislikes about the style, delivery
etc.
b) Concentrate on understanding the speaker.
c) Hear his complete message without interrupting him.
d) Make him aware that you have understood him.
So, while suspending judgement,
i. You do not agree or disagree with the speaker.
ii. You do not ask him questions.
iii. You do not give advice.
iv. You do not start solving problems.
v. You do not speak, but let the other person speak.
While not doing so many things, should you just be staring at the speaker? No, you use
the next skill of active listening.
2. Attending Skills: This consists of giving a response to the speaker, while he is

speaking, by doing the following
(a) By maintaining eye-contact.
(b) By head nods.
(c) By making suitable sounds.
(d) By making verbal responses.
3. Clarification: This means doing two things
I) Checking the meaning of words you do not understand.
II) Checking with the speaker whether you have followed the subject correctly.
During technical discussions, this skill should be used extensively for both the words
and the subject matter.
4. Summarization: After the speaker finishes speaking, you repeat back to him, in a
very short manner, the main points of what he has said to you.
Apart from the skills mentioned above, there is one more skill which is undoubtedly
the most important skill of active listening. It is called
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5. Paraphrasing: A person is speaking to you. While doing so, he pauses to find out
your reaction. At that time, if you repeat back to him shortly, in your own words, what
you have understood him to say, then you have paraphrased him.
So, in paraphrasing, you capture, in a short statement, the essence of what he has
said. In active listening, you paraphrase for two reasons
1. To check whether you have understood what the person has said.
2. To show him that you are trying to understand him. At the same time, he comes
to know that you are paying attention to him.
Paraphrasing has two positive uses:
a) Even if you have paraphrased the other person wrongly, he will have the
opportunity to correct you, and the misunderstanding will be removed.
b) If someone asks you a difficult or unclear question, and you cannot answer at
once, paraphrasing will give you time to think and answer.
So how to paraphrase? Let us take an example.
You are working in a factory for two years. Another person has joined the factory two
months ago, and has become your friend. One day, as the two of you are having tea
together, the other person says to you:
“My boss, Mr. Raghavan, is a real tyrant. I have to work daily from 6 am to 9 pm. I am
not able to pay any attention to my children. I am sick and tired of working in this
factory.”
Let us analyze each sentence.
1. “My boss, Mr. Raghavan, is a real tyrant” – contains a Name, Criticism, and Hard
Words.
2. “I have to work from 6 am to 9 pm” – contains Facts.
3. “I am not able to pay attention to my children” – contains Facts.
4. “I am sick and tired of working in this factory” – contains Criticism, Hard Words,
and Controversy.
While paraphrasing, you avoid Names, Criticisms, Hard/harsh words, and Controversy.
You only stick firmly to the facts. You avoid the emotional content of the statement. You
start the paraphrase by using the words “In other words,” “I understand that,” “It appears
that” etc, and repeat the facts shortly to the speaker.
“It appears that your working hours do not allow you to pay attention to your children, is
that right?”
You will also observe that the above question is a close-ended question, i.e. the other
person can only reply ‘yes’ or ‘no.’
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1.10 ACTIVE LISTENING RESPONSE

À 2.15 pm – 3.00 pm
Materials: Corresponding page in the Participant Manual.
Time required: About 10 minutes for brainstorming, and then about 5 minutes for each
group, including corrections etc – total 40 minutes.
Procedure: (Divide the group into 6 teams. Brief them)
We shall now try the six situations given in your manual. Each group will brainstorm for
10 minutes, and make out the paraphrased statement for its situation.
(After they finish, make each team read out its statement, correct them if required, and
ask the other teams for their contributions also.)
What you are told Active Listening response
1. I wasted a lot of time in attempting

the first question, and as a result I had
to hurry while answering the other
questions. I don’t know if the answers
are good enough for me to pass the exam.
2. Jyotsna came to my house, and said to
me:”Amita, I would love to have lunch with
you, but after the last fiasco I think I won’t
take the risk again.” I’ll never speak to her
again.
3. My parents interfere a lot with whatever I
want to do. They always keep advising me
about everything. It’s as if parents never
want us to do what makes us happy.
4. Younger brother to elder brother: “You
are much more intelligent than I am, and
that’s why mother is ashamed of me. She
loves you more than she loves me, and I
hate this.”
5. Arjun is jealous of my getting higher
grades than him. He is such a poor sport
that he shows it openly in the class. He tries
to cut me out of so many activities. I think
that’s why he doesn’t lend me his notes
when I ask him to.
6. These union meetings are a real pain in
the neck. They never start on time. They
give some time, but everyone strolls in as
if they are doing us a favour. I am really mad
at being the only punctual person at these
meetings.
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1.11 ACTIVITY & ACTIVE LISTENING QUIZ

À 2.15 pm – 3.00 pm
Let us now try out paraphrasing in a group discussion situation. (Make a group of eight
people, four girls and four boys, and seat them alternately in a semi-circle, starting with
a boy and ending with a girl. Then you tell them)
Now I am going to give you a topic which you will discuss. The boys will speak in support
of the topic, and the girls will speak against the topic.
Are you ready? Ok, the topic is….(Give them some provocative topic)
Remember, the boys will speak for the topic, and the girls against.
The discussion will go this way.
After the first person speaks, the second person will paraphrase him, and then speak
against the topic.
The third person will paraphrase the second person, and so on.
The fourth and eighth persons will first summarize what the persons before them
have said, then paraphrase the previous person, and then discuss the topic.
The first person, at the end, will summarize the whole discussion.
(Let them finish the exercise, and correct them where required. After they finish, ask the
others to give them a big hand. Then ask them whether they have followed paraphrasing
completely, and invite any questions they may have.)
Let us now take up a questionnaire which will show you most of the elements of active
listening. It will also show you that active listening is not only a methodology but also an
attitude, a way of life that you should develop.
Active Listening Quiz
Materials required: Corresponding page in Participant Manual
Try this simple self-scoring quiz to find out if you actively listen. If you usually practice
the skills mentioned below, score yourself with “2.” If you sometimes practice the skill,
give yourself “1.” If you don’t practice it at all, give yourself “0.”
Keep this quiz with you, and refer to it from time to time, so as to find out whether you
have improved in areas where you were lacking, and have become a really active
listener.
Above all, be very honest in scoring yourself. Ideal answers are not required. This quiz is
your own confidential one, so rate yourself honestly to find out how you can improve.
I talk with others personally.
I’m asked my advice by other people.
I’m the kind of person whom people feel easy to talk to
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I don’t talk with someone else unless I have something I have to talk about.
I’m willing to say something to others usually.
When I can’t follow what the other person is talking about, I ask him to clarify.
I listen to the other person, putting myself in his/her shoes.
I listen to the other person, summarizing in my mind what he/she has said.
I sometimes give the other person a brief summary of what he/she has said.
I can mutually understand anybody.
I can take an interest in anybody.
I tend to listen to others seriously.
I can keep listening to the other person, even if I’m not interested in his/her talk.
I can listen to the other person, even if he/she has a different opinion from mine.
I tend to talk in a direct and persuasive way, while talking with others.
When I begin to talk at the same time as the other person did, I let him/her talk.
When the other person is hesitating, I wait for him/her to begin talking.
I listen to the other person, paying attention to his/her unexpressed feelings.
While listening, I’m careful not to interrupt the otherperson’s talk.
I don’t get tired from listening to others.
I ignore phones or other distractions while listening to a person.
If I don’t know the answer to a problem or question, I say “I don’t know.”
While talking to someone, I use the person’s name often.
In emotional conversations, I paraphrase the speaker at key points.
In case I have an important meeting to attend, I tell the speaker before he starts so as to
forewarn him, but I don’t distract him by looking at my watch from time to time, or asking
him to hurry up.
I thank the speaker for sharing his feelings with me.
I am not irritated even if he repeats himself often.
I am good at all the attending skills.
I speak slowly and carefully so as not to make offensive statements.
As far as possible, I avoid speaking during the conversation, unless the speaker
explicitly asks me to.
Debrief: About any point which, in your personal experience, most people neglect,
or commit a mistake in, while listening to other people.
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1.12 FEEDBACK
À 3.45 pm – 4.00 pm
A person, a group, or an organization may do something or behave in a particular
manner. This action or behaviour may either have good effects or bad effects.
Information to the concerned persons regarding the good or bad effects is called
Feedback.
If the effects are good, the behaviour or action will be continued. If the effects are bad,
then the behaviour or action will either be changed or even stopped.
Feedback has three characteristics:
1. Feedback to any person is always given by any other person. That is to say,
feedback is always given by an outside source. Self assessment is not feedback,
since it is bound to be biased. If I conducted a test, and gave you your papers for
correction, you are bound to get better marks.
2. Persons or organizations may act or behave in a particular way with the best of
intentions, but the effects may be really bad. Feedback points out the gap existing
between the intentions and the effects. Once this information is given, the concerned
will make efforts to improve, grow, and develop. (Eg: Give the examples of how DDT
as a pesticide eradicated malaria initially, but then poisoned the environment very
badly. Second example of the drug Thalidomide, which was a good sedative, but
when given to pregnant women produced horribly deformed babies. Any more
examples from personal life.)
3. No two persons see anything from the same angle. So feedback from a variety of
persons produces a variety of perspectives, each giving a fresh idea. All these
different streams of thought can be collated and discussed, and finally a correct and
holistic decision taken.
Now tell me, from the morning till now, what are the different sources from which you got
feedback? (Invite responses like geyser, switch, toaster, traffic signals, telephone) And
what is the one thing whose feedback is absolutely essential to you at any time, and you
can’t do without? Especially the ladies? The mirror.
What would happen if everyone stopped feedback to one another? (Invite responses)
If you have the ability to give and receive feedback freely, then you will have the best
personal and professional relationships. Why do we give feedback? Do we want to
criticize the other person, or pull his leg, or be happy over his failure? No, we want to be
very impartial and fair in correcting something which we perceive to be not quite right.
So, objectivity is the key parameter for successful feedback.
Unfortunately, though it is a very important skill, feedback is the least used or practiced
skill, for obvious reasons.
40
While giving feedback, the following three things should be kept in mind:
1. Make your intentions for giving feedback very clear. You are giving feedback only to
remove any misunderstandings or grey areas in the communication, so as to make
communication more effective.
2. Always use words that have common meaning to both of you, so that there is no gap
in the understanding.
3. Check to see that what is received by the other person is exactly what you wanted
him to receive.
Negative feedback is normally given in the sandwich method. In the sandwich, you have
a slice of bread on top, then the stuff in between, and then another slice of bread at the
bottom. In the same way, when giving negative feedback, you first give good feedback,
then the negative feedback, and then finally good feedback again. For example: “You are
all very intelligent people. But you have the bad habit of coming late from the breaks.
However, I am sure that you will get over this habit soon.”
The tool we use for giving feedback is called the Feedback Response. It is a four-step
model, and can be used for all situations, whether negative or positive feedback is to be
given. The four steps are as follows:
1. Behaviour description – In this step we tell the other person exactly what he said
or did.
2. Feelings – In this step we tell the other person what we felt because of his action or
behaviour.
3. Impact – In this step we tell the other person what was, or would be, the effect of his
action or behaviour.
4. Request – In this step we request the other person for a change in his action or
behaviour which would correct the situation.
Let us take a practical example to illustrate this. Let us say that you belong to a team of
five persons, and one of you is being sent abroad by your company. Each member of
the team is hoping to be that person. Your boss quietly lets you know that you will go
abroad, and tells you to keep it confidential till it is announced. Another friend of yours,
Ashok, who is also close to the boss, comes to know this. He rushes to your cubicle to
congratulate you. He stands at the cubicle door and says loudly: “Congrats! I heard that
you are going abroad!” You silently motion to him to keep quiet, and take him out of the
office to the coffee machine. There, you give him feedback as per the four-step model.
Behaviour description: Ashok, when you said congrats loudly in the Office,
Feelings : I really felt embarrassed, since my team-mates don’t know

about it yet.
Impact : My friends will think that I’m cheating them in some manner.
Request : Could you please keep the matter a secret till it is announced
by the boss?
(Give one or two more simple examples so that the model is made clear.)
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1.13 EXERCISE ON FEEDBACK RESPONSE

À 4.00 pm – 4.40 pm
Materials required: Corresponding page in Participant Manual.
Time required: About 20 minutes for brainstorming, and 5 minutes for each group to
act it out – total time about 40 minutes.
Procedure: (Break up the group into 4 teams. Give each one of them one situation.
Then brief them.)
Let us now try to form feedback responses in the four cases given in the handout. After
brainstorming about the response statement, each team will act out the situation in a
‘before-after’ scenario.
Case 1
Your mathematics department is the last room in the corridor. The new annex of the
college is being constructed just next to the classroom. Work is going on day and night
so as to finish the new building on time. Sometimes the construction work disturbs your
class, but you are putting up with minor disturbances.
From the past three days, the contractor is doing concreting of the various areas of the
new wing. He has the habit of dragging the concrete mixer in the passage next to your
class room every day for the work. There is a loud noise every time. Sometimes the
mixer is taken past the room 3 to 4 times a day. Everyone is getting disturbed because
of this.
You want to give the contractor feedback regarding this matter.
Beh. Des : When you drag the concrete mixer past the class-room,
Feelings : All of us are feeling annoyed.
Impact : The noise is disturbing everyone’s concentration.
Request : Can you please take another route to the site?
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Case 2
Your room-mate in the hostel is Rohan. He is a very good person, and does not create
any problems for you. He is quiet and studious, and does not disturb you when you are
studying. He does not bring his friends to the room without first asking you.
However, Rohan does have a small habit that really irritates you. When he comes out of
the bathroom after having his bath, he tends to leave his clothes and towel thrown about
on the floor. Since this is a minor thing, and he is good in all other ways, you just put his
clothes and towel in the clothes basket, and not tell him anything.
Recently, he has also started to leave the soap, not in its case, also on the floor, which is
a really dangerous thing, especially in the dark. Now you are getting really irritated, and
you want to give him feedback regarding his habit.
Beh. Des : Rohan, when you leave your clothes and soap on the bathroom floor,
Feelings : I feel really upset.
Impact : Not only does the bathroom look shabby, but the soap may cause
someone to slip and break his leg.
Request : Could you please keep your clothes and soap carefully in the places
meant for them?
Case 3
Ramola is one of the members of your debating team of 5 people, and all the rest are
boys. She is a very quiet person, and doesn’t speak much; in fact, rarely speaks at all. The
other boys are all very fluent with their facts and figures, and have been on the team for a
long time. Ramola has been put on the team because of the English Professor, who is her
uncle. The others don’t like it, but keep quiet because they can’t do anything about it.
The debating team wins during the preliminary contests, with Ramola being just
satisfactory, and then travels to Delhi, for the finals, where they meet the debating team
from St. Stephens College. That particular debating team is of a very high quality, and
your team somehow manages to keep a balance. It is Ramola’s turn to speak last. Only
by being extraordinarily good can she make your team win. You curse the English
Professor for having put Ramola on the team.
When Ramola starts to speak, you and your team-mates are amazed. She is not only
very fluent, but her marshalling of facts, figures, and research material shows that she is
a real intellectual. Her performance is so good that the judges have no hesitation in
awarding the trophy to your team.
You want to give feedback to Ramola on her performance.
Beh. Des : Ramola, when you started quoting facts and figures with such fluency,
Feelings : All of us felt simply amazed at how intellectual you are.
Impact : Because of your performance we have won the trophy.
Request : All of us request you to accept our heartfelt thanks for the great effort
that you have put in.
45
Case 4
You and four of your friends belong to a Project team, and your Project Leader is Anil.
Anil is an efficient worker, and he also enthuses the other persons of the team to deliver
their best. But there is a problem. For some reason, Anil seems to be indifferent towards
you and your ideas. You have been ignoring this aspect of his behaviour for some time.
Lately, however, Anil has been showing his attitude to you in the project meetings also.
He allows everyone else to speak freely, but when you want to speak or give your ideas
which will really save time and money for the project, he raises his hand in a “Wait”
gesture. You feel quite angry and demoralized because of this, You are also not able to
put up your really good ideas because of his attitude.
You want to give feedback to Anil about how you feel.
Beh. Des : Anil, when you raise your hand to stop me from speaking,
Feelings : I feel disturbed and demoralized.
Impact : Some of my really good ideas to save time and money are going
to waste because of this.
Request : May I request you to give me a little time to discuss and sort out
differences, if any.
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1.14 RECEIVING FEEDBACK

À 4.40 pm – 4.50 pm
Giving feedback is easy enough, but the receiving of feedback is a slightly more difficult
matter, especially if it is negative. However objective we may be, receiving feedback is
tough, since we feel that the other person is criticizing us, and attacking our pet
positions. So, here are some tips for receiving feedback.
Accept the feedback gracefully. Do not start giving the other person reasons why you
did or said something, and why it was correct. The other person is only stating his
impressions, which may be right or wrong. So clarify the matter further before you
start explaining.
Paraphrase the feedback, using the method that was told to you earlier. Ask him
whether you have understood him correctly.
While paraphrasing, do not appear either defensive or aggressive. Maintain a neutral
body language, or even a positive body language.
Ask the other person for the specific and exact description of your action or
behaviour which he wants you to change. Feedback will normally be over some
portions of your work, not the entire thing. So ask him what is bothering him.
While asking for the above, make sure to reassure him that you are asking for this
information so that you can take corrective action, and not because you are angry or
anything like that.
Then, and only then, explain your point of view and actions. Ask him further what
change would make him more comfortable, or has your explanation satisfied him.
Thank the other person for his feedback.
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1.15 PROGRAM CLOSURE

À 4.50 pm – 5.00 pm
With this we come to the end of this program. I hope you have enjoyed the set of
activities that you carried out for the last few hours.
(Get feedback from them on
which portions they liked most,

what they would like more information on, and
what would be of most use to them in the future.)
Thank you very much for your participation. I really had a great time with all of you. Good
bye, and good luck!
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54

FM The Art of Communication

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THE ART OF

FACILIT AT OR MAN UAL

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

9.00 am to 9.15 am - Welcome and context setting.

9.15 am to 9.40 am - Icebreaker and introductions.

9.40 am to 10.15 am - Communications theory.

10.15 am to 10.30 am - Tea Break.

10.30 am to 11.20 am - Exercise on Barriers and Filters.

11.20 am to 11.30 am - Communications Wrap-up.

11.30 am to 12 noon - Body Language.

12 noon to 12.15 pm - Activity and questions.

12.15 pm to 1.15 pm - Lunch.

1.15 pm to 2.15 pm - Active Listening.

2.15 pm to 3.00 pm - Active Listening Exercise.

3.00 pm to 3.15 pm - Tea Break.

3.15 pm to 3.45 pm - Activity & Active Listening Quiz.

3.45 pm to 4.00 pm - Feedback.

4.00 pm to 4.40 pm - Exercise on Feedback.

4.40 pm to 4.50 pm - Receiving of Feedback.

4.50 pm to 5.00 pm - Program Closure.

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

1.1 THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

”My name is .................................................................................................................

So, if we are to be effective interpersonally, we should

Have effective communication,

1. What do we mean by communication?

1. Please keep your cell-phones on silent mode, or switch them off.

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

1.2 ICE BREAKER

Time required: About 25 minutes.

Procedure: (Brief each participant as follows)

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

1.3 COMMUNICATIONS THEORY

So we see that you define communication as

The sharing or exchange

Of information (i.e. thoughts, ideas, and opinions)

Between two or more persons.

In the above definition, the most important features are:

Sharing – This is an integral part of communication. In fact, it is the foundation of

Common Understanding – Why is it important? Because words mean different things to

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

One Way Communication

Time required: About 10 minutes.

I shall be dictating a geometrical figure to you.

So what else is required? If the communication is to be meaningful, then the receiver

The Shoe-Less Alien

Time required: About 10-15 minutes.

We shall play a game called “The Shoe-less Alien.”

But I have some limitations.

(There will be a lot of voices giving directions. Ignore them.

Debrief: Because communication is as old as time itself, we all labor under a

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

1.4 EXERCISE ON BARRIERS AND FILTERS

Procedure: (Divide the group into 6 teams. Give instructions as follows)

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

Barriers and Filters:

Barriers and Filters:

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

Barriers and Filters:

Barriers and Filters:

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION