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Beginning of Psycho Gods
Beginning of Psycho Gods
“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a
monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
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1. Therapy
Aran
Clinomania–present
The hands on the clock moved unnaturally slow as flaps of yellow wallpaper
It had been that way ever since we’d learned the truth about the war against the
Ungodly.
Sweat dripped down my ribcage as the air conditioner spewed cold air onto the
top of my head. Rain battered against the cramped office’s single window.
My teeth chattered.
Outside the climate was dreary; inside the climate was lachrymose.
The sky was bloated with water and the room was overflowing with regret,
shame, anger, and every other unsavory emotion that no one wanted to talk about.
Feelings
that
destroyed.
A reprieve from war; lately words were the guns and lies the enchanted bullets.
“Aran, are you paying attention to me?” Dr. Palmer snapped her fingers in front
of my face. Unfortunately one person didn’t get the ‘sit quietly and mope’ memo.
I blinked.
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She snapped her fingers again.
My therapist breathed deeply. “The High Court says that you’re their fated soul
mates and you need to cooperate for the war effort.” She pointed her pen at the three
“But you said last week that you loathe them?” She asked with confusion. “Then
It should have been a statement with a period: a form of punctuation used to end
a complete sentence. For some reason no one wanted to accept my hatred as final.
The Kings.
Dr. Palmer.
Ice traveled down my limbs until I was completely numb, sitting still while
Space buckled.
Dr. Palmer pursed her lips. “Aran. Could you answer the question?”
I stared back at her blankly, the ice had frozen my eyelids and embalmed my
corneas.
“You hate these men?” She pointed again like I needed the reminder that I was
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Malum fidgeted and we all rocked.
I refused to turn my head because I’d seen enough: freakishly wide shoulders,
captivating features, callous demeanors, warm brown eyes, long graceful fingers, cheeks
I would have been embarrassed but I’d stopped feeling anything meaningful ten
years ago.
I’d stopped feeling anything at all last week in the war camp.
Now Dr. Palmer handed me a half-filled cup of lukewarm water and I gulped it
Orion patted my back and I flinched away from his touch. He made a soft
A gust of wind slammed rain against the side of the building with splatter.
carpet I pretended not to notice that Dr. Palmer scowled at it like she knew I was going
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Coughed.
Wet my lips.
“Aran, please take all the time that you need.” Her mouth said one thing but her
I sighed and said, “Yep. I hate my mates. In fact they disgust me.” I stuck my
tongue out and gagged just in case she wasn’t picking up what I was putting down.
The good (annoying) doctor wrote something down on her clipboard and nodded
Every second of the last three weeks had been filled with endless meetings on
The High Court had perfected the art of giving information while saying nothing
at all. They didn’t know how or why the Ungodly had taken over Planet 003FX, and the
realm’s landscape was treacherous and inaccessible, so they didn’t even know what
Only once had Dick stopped dancing around the truth and given us something
substantial.
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It had torn our psyche to shreds.
“Your soul mates disgust you. You hate them.” She spoke slowly and
over-enunciated ‘disgust’ and ‘hate’. “That is what you just said. Correct?”
I rolled my eyes, brought my fingers back to my lip, and ripped off a juicy chunk
of skin.
“I told you not to pick,” Scropius growled. “Orion, pull her hand away.”
I wasn’t the type of person to play favorites, especially not when it came to my
enemies, but Orion was my favorite and Malum was my least favorite. One hundred
percent.
I was grateful the quiet man was a buffer between me and Scorpius and the two of
them blocked my view of Malum. The Kings were seated in order of descending
awfulness.
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We were both wearing sweatpants but pain streaked down my back.
It was funny how pain felt sharper in certain situations. Sometimes adrenaline
and depression masked the hurt. Other times they amplified the agony.
“Lean back.” Dr. Palmer glared at Scorpius until he settled back against the couch
with a huff.
“I want to remind you all that these sessions are for your benefits.” She scowled
at each of us. “I’m not the one the High Court forced into therapy. I’m not the one
suffering from bond sickness with the people who I have to lead a war beside.” She
scoffed, like if it was up to her she would never have chosen us as leaders. “But you do.”
If it was up to me, I would name Dr. Palmer as the sole champion of the gods. If I
complained about the High Court’s lies, she’d probably say my emotional state allowed
me to be manipulated.
I was all about fostering a crippling victim complex and blaming everything on
men.
I tugged off another loose flap of skin on my lip and Scorpius barked out a string
of profanities.
E.x.h.a.u.s.t.i.o.n.
It pulled me apart.
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“You should join the military—” I said at the same time she asked, “—Aran, how
do you feel?”
Time passed, did it still count as being spoken too if I didn’t respond
immediately. “So can I speak now, or is there a time limit?” There was a million
permutations that could arise that would negate the purpose of—
“Aran,” she said my name like a curse and took a deep breath. “Moving on, how
“Do you not like when he orders you around?” She pointedly looked at the blood
“Obviously not.” I tried to wipe the copper taste off my tongue with the arm of my
sweatshirt.
“The fact that he told you not to pick at your lip.” Dr. Palmer nodded her head
like she was realizing something. “Is making you act out of spite. Spite is an intense
Rain streaked drearily across the window; cold air blew on the top of my head;
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I only laughed at them.
Still, a voice in my head cackled with laughter, like a monster that didn’t exist;
It's fine,
I’m fine,
The paradox of the liar—you couldn’t lie if you knew it was false, but if it was false
I rubbed at my temples.
space inside my brain and I couldn’t understand. There was an emptiness where
knowledge fizzled.
An abyss.
Perhaps it was the little sister I’d never had who’d stolen my memories.
I itched at the back of my head as I fought to not slam my skull against the wall
and bludgeon my bone against peeling yellow wallpaper until everything went silent.
“Your emotions make sense and are valid, especially if you feel betrayed,” Dr.
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“Perhaps you’re feeling spiteful because of your own deep sense of hurt based on
their actions.” She nodded. “Have they done anything to make you feel especially
disappointed?”
Black-ice scorched my throat and I needed to wipe the patronizing smirk off her
face.
I had a list.
“Malum set me on fire until my face melted off and he never apologized for it.”
Both eyes twitched. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven times. A new record.
Dr. Palmer opened and shut her mouth a few times, when she finally spoke she
over-enunciated each word. “You’re telling me, that your.” She cleared her throat and
checked her clipboard. “Ignis, set you on fire? The mate whose role is to love and cherish
you?”
She showed more emotion now, then when I’d told her the High Court mandated
therapy sessions. She hadn’t blinked when she’d learned I’d been disguised as a male
because I was the wanted Fae Princess who’d murdered her mother.
Now her eyes rounded with horror. She understood why the last three therapy
Scorpius scoffed loudly in the quiet, “An Ignis does not just love and cherish his
Revered. That’s a provincial and pathetic description. His life's purpose is to worship,
provide, shelter, and obsess over his Revered. It is nothing as menial as love.”
“It is disrespectful to insinuate that I would only love her,” Malum growled
roughly.
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Ever completely miss the point of a conversation?
Dr. Palmer gaped at the Kings with incredulity and her complexion paled.
I smiled.
Everyone knew the point of couple’s therapy was to make your therapist like you
I’d won.
“You want to talk about caring for your Revered, yet you set Aran on fire?” Her
He shifted.
Abruptly, a picture on the wall burst into red flames and two shifters frolicking in
Dramatic irony.
Dr. Palmer’s voice climbed up another octave. “You’re telling me that Aran is your
Revered?” She didn’t even glance at the flaming wall, all her attention was on the leader
“Yet you lit her on fire until her face melted off?”
He grunted again.
She scribbled furiously on her clipboard and pushed her glasses against the top of
her nose with so much force the wire bent. “Don’t you think that is something you
Orion grimaced and pressed his leg harder against mine. Scorpius muttered
something under his breath. I put my hand into my pockets and fondled my pipe.
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Making the leader of the Kings apologize was like trying to have a healthy
Exploded.
Sometimes communication was not the solution, it was the problem. It was better
Malum gnashed his teeth. “She was disguised as a male at the time. I didn’t know
she was my Revered. It was different.” His voice was harsh and gritty.
The doctor turned her chair towards me. “How do Malum’s words make you feel,
Aran?”
For the first time since I saw her with Sadie months ago, she didn’t comment on
my smoking addiction. She stared at the pipe between my lips like she wanted to ask for
a drag.
“I feel like I want to light him on fire until his skin melts off,” I said in a
monotone voice.
“Then do it,” Malum snarled and I was jostled as he leaned forward to glare at
me. “Stop whining about it and light me on fire. Then we’ll be even. I don’t understand
why you keep fucking bringing this up. Let me care for you. We need to move past this
because we have enough to worry about with this fucking war.” Steel gray eyes pinned
me to my seat.
Flames cackled and the awful scent of burning rug filled the room.
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I leaned forward and glared back. “Exactly. Since we’re already doomed, why
should I care about your pathetic bid for forgiveness. Have you ever thought that maybe
“How does holding a grudge make you feel,” Dr. Palmer cut in.
me. I already said you could light me on fire.” Silver eyes softened. “I don’t know if it’s
possible.” Malum cleared his throat. “But I will try to reject my abilities and let flames
I gaped at my arch nemesis, and his cheekbones flushed red the longer I stared.
“Okay, we’ll try it.” I nodded. “Get me a match and kerosene and I’ll do it. Right
“I’ll start.” I smirked at Malum. “He’s sitting on the couch looking like a coward.
Molten silver hardened into steel. “I already fucking said you could do.” He
spread his arms wide. “I’m waiting. Between us I’m not the coward.”
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“STOP!” Dr. Palmer’s shrill voice made all four of us wince. “No one.” She
breathed deeply like she was trying to get control of herself. “Is lighting anyone on fire in
this room.”
Knuckles whitened against a clipboard and she stared at the ceiling like she was
Extremely relatable.
With a fluid movement she sat up straight and smiled at us. Her voice was honey
She held her clipboard tight to her chest. “Get out of my office.”
I let my hand drop and nodded as I took a long drag from my pipe. “You are truly
a goddess at your craft. Great stuff. I really liked how you just repeated the same
phrases.”
“I’ll let you know how lighting him on fire works.” I covered my mouth as I
yawned.
informing all of you right now, that I will report you to the relevant authorities if any of
We all knew there were no authorities that would punish the Champions of the
Gods. We were the appointed authorities. Further proof that lunatics ran the realms.
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The kings stood up and all three of them crowded my space.
I pulled the RJE device with “therapy” engraved on its surface out of my pocket
and grabbed Orion’s wrist. Scorpius and Malum wrapped their fingers around my
forearm.
They could have just grabbed Orion, but in the last three weeks they pointedly
It was.
I sucked on my pipe, squeezed my eyes shut, and pretended I didn’t know the
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