Pony Musical Fringenyc 2015 Submission

Pony & Pony: Ponies at Law: The Musical
[The sexiest musical comedy staring puppet ponies that you are likely to see in your
lifetime!]
A play in 2 acts
By Cara Parmigiani
Lyrics by Brian Katona & Cara Parmigiani
© 2014 by Cara Parmigiani

355 Route 46
Mountain Lakes, NJ 07046
973-722-7655
cara.parmigiani@gmail.com

CHARACTERS
TRISTAN
A fun loving puppet pony who practices law out of a feeling of obligation
to his brother. He is very much in love with art, which is represented by
MUSE. He runs out of the office to the post office to have an affair with
the sexy seductress. He is not the most clever of the two ponies (brothers).
He frequently zones in and out of conversation, he is sort of clumsy, and a
little accident-prone. He is typically wearing a clip on tie and a colorful
button down shirt.
PASCAL
A serious puppet pony attorney who enjoys the law and all things stuffy
and boring. He is obsessed with trying to “fit in” with the world of people.
He is the more clever of the two ponies. He seems to still be as naive and
child-like as Tristan, but more attentive. He is wearing a clip on tie, a
colorful button down shirt and a suit jacket. He is often busy reading some
papers at his desk.
LOUISE / LIBRARIAN
Louise is a female attorney in her mid 40’s who is brilliant, well dressed,
aggressive go-getter who knows what she wants, but has to stop feeling to
get there. She feels pressured into being a bitch to get things done. She
walks very intensely and when she turns she makes sharp, 90-degree
angles. When she plays the Librarian in the opening
MUSE / CLOTHIER
The embodiment of art, Muse is a seductress who works her whiles on
Tristan who starts an office affair with her. Typically dressed as a
showgirl, Muse is character similar Julia Roberts' character in Pretty
Woman, she is a deep down she is a lady.
OLD GUY/CLOTHIER/ LAUNDRY GUY

Old Guy, is the other Clothier. He looks well to do, established. He looks
like he has “made it”. He is too important to notice a pony. He is also
Louise’s client, the owner of the Squeaky Cleaners.
JUAN/BYRNE
Juan is a really buff young man. A tough guy, who has a soft spot in his
heart for his bear stuffed animal that he dropped off at the Squeaky
Cleaners. He hires the puppet ponies to help him with his case. As
BYRNE he is a man of the 1860’s who is walking down the street when a
flour barrel falls on his head.
DELORIS
The receptionist for the Ponies. She is a middle-aged woman with almost
PONIES AT LAW by Cara Parmigiani Page 2 of 61

no fashion sense or sense of humor. She is completely oblivious to the fact

that she is employed by ponies. She is just there to do her job, and by do
her job, she just makes personal calls.

SETTING
City street
Pony Office
1860’s England street
Farm
TIME
Over three days in the present, and one short day in the 1860’s.
MUSIC
See attached musical score in progress at appendix of script.

ACT 1
SCENE 1
(The opening theme music starts to play with the trumpet of the
call to the races and it continues through the first scene. The
music is an original score full of adrenaline announcing Pony
and Pony, Ponies at Law!)
(The curtains open. The stage is empty but for two totally naked
puppet ponies, Tristan and Pascal. A background of a picture of
a farm is projected behind them using a rear projector.)
PONIES
(The puppets stand there at center stage quietly; as ponies do.

Naked as jaybirds; just looking around.)
STEREOTYPICAL LIBRARIAN
(A woman in thick glasses, hair pulled back, and a knee length

skirt, and heels walks up to the ponies and holds open some law
textbooks.)
PONIES
(Start to read interestedly.)
STEREOTYPICAL LIBRARIAN
(Gently closes the book and walks off upstage left).
PONIES
(Start to walk downstage slowly.)
[BACKGROUND: picture of the city street is projected behind them.]
CLOTHIERS (MUSE and OLD GUY)
(Enter from upstage right, behind the puppets. They are two
fashionistas pushing wardrobe racks who push the racks in front
of the puppets to hide them from the audience. This happens
quickly and then they wheel their racks away revealing the
puppets dressed in suits/ties/button-shirts (they actually switch
the puppets with dressed ones). When they first encounter the

puppets they look disapprovingly at their pony-nakedness. After

they are dressed they look approvingly at the ponies and exit
upstage left.)
PONIES
(Stand next to each other checking out each other’s new look.
They seem pleased. They start to walk downstage slowly or
walk in place looking around.)
[AT THE SAME TIME THE PUPPETS, TRISTAN AND PASCAL, ARE PULLED IN
DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. TRISTAN IS LURED AWAY BY MUSE, AND PASCAL
IS LURED AWAY BY LOUISE. ONE GROUP IS ILLUMINATED AT A TIME
(Allows puppeteer to rest arm.)]
MUSE
(A woman in a trench coat (one of the Clothiers) walks up to

Tristan, the puppet who is standing stage right. She is flirting
with him, touching him under the chin.)
Tristan, why don’t you love me?
TRISTAN
(Is very interested in the mystery woman. And wonders off a

little more stage right away from his brother. )
Of course I love you!
(He becomes head-over-heels for her as she continues to dance.)
MUSE
(Continues to flirt with Tristan, opens her trench coat to reveal

that she is wearing a skimpy show-girl type outfit. She tosses
the coat off stage and starts to dance seductively around Tristan
who is crazy for her.)
If you loved me, you would run away with me. Me! Your Muse of Art. Your only love!
TRISTAN
I can’t. I promised Pascal I would leave the farm and be a lawyer.

MUSE
Will you get bored with me?
TRISTAN
Never.
(Tristan and Muse are on each other like white on rice. As the
lights on them turn out.)
[STAGE LIGHTS TURN OFF ON TRISTAN AND MUSE AND COME ON LOUISE
AND PASCAL.]
LOUISE
(A beautiful woman in her mid 40’s dressed in a smart-looking

pants suit holding a briefcase, and a newspaper. She enters from
upstage left, and walks downstage and stands even with Pascal,
but doesn’t seem to notice him. She is checking her phone and
her watch.)
PASCAL
(Tries to look important. When that fails he tries to be more

assertive)
COUGH!
(clears his throat. Then taps her on the shoulder.)
LOUISE
(Turns around and looks at him condescendingly.)
PASCAL
Hi… I mean, hello…. You look like you’re going somewhere important…
LOUISE
(Looks at him incredulously.)
PASCAL

Yes… I am going somewhere too. I have an office and everything. I’m an attorney. My
ad is in that newspaper.
LOUISE
No. I’m an attorney. You’re a pony, or something… I have to get out of here.
(Louise looking putout drops the newspaper and exits upstage

left.)
PASCAL
(Looking like he has been shot. Puts his head down and
wonders over to Tristan who is stage right with MUSE.)
(STAGE FULLY ILLUMINATED. TRISTAN AND MUSE HAVE BEEN ACTING

LIKE TEENAGERS IN LOVE. PASCAL NOW JOINS THEM.)
PASCAL
(Does not seem to notice how happy Tristan is, or notice Muse,
because he is caught up in his own problems.)
Hey. Let’s go. We have work to do.
(Grabs Tristan and walks away stage left.)
TRISTAN
(Has to be pulled away from Muse. Waives good-bye to Muse.)
MUSE
(Blows kisses to Tristan and then runs to catch up with him).

SCENE II
[EXT of a street PROJECTED BACKGROUND.]
JUAN
(A buff young man wonders on stage from upstage right. He
moves aimlessly around stage looking around, pacing.
Eventually stands holding a paper bag looking like he just lost
his best friend in a tragic accident. Lost and alone; he’s
screwed.)
DAMN IT!
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE SCREWED?

EVERY ONE SAID TO GO HERE.
(Points behind him to the drycleaner.)
EVERY ONE SAID IT WAS FINE.

WELL THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SHIT HAPPENS
TO STUFF THAT’S MINE.
(Holds up the bag.)
WHAT DO I DO?
WHO CAN I SUE?
(Picks up the newspaper that Louise dropped.)
THESE GUYS?
WHAT CAN THEY DO?
(Studies the paper.)
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE SCREWED?

EVERY ONE SAID TO GO HERE…
SO I’LL GO THERE.
(Points to newspaper ad. Then, with a renewed look of

determination, he runs off stage left.)
SCENE III
[RECEPTION AREA/OFFICE projected from behind. There is a tiny desk, a chair, and a
receptionist.]
DELORIS
Is a middle-aged woman with almost no fashion sense or sense

of humor. She is completely oblivious to the fact that she is
employed by ponies. She is just there to do her job. She is
typing feverishly and filing papers. The phone rings.)
PONY AND PONY, PONIES AT LAW...

YES, MY CAR IS FOR SALE...
ONLY IN THREE COUNTIES,
NOT ALASKA...
IF THAT REALLY IS A STATE...
WELL PLUTO ISN’T ANY MORE...
(Juan Carlos throws himself into the room exhausted. Deloris

stops what she is doing for a moment, looks at him and then
continues...)
DELORIS
I HAVE TO GO, A CLIENT WALKED IN...

WELL I THINK HE IS...
NO IT’S CALLED CLIMATE CHANGE NOT EL NINO...
OK BYE.
JUAN
(Gasping for air.)

Can I see…
DELORIS
Have a seat.
JUAN
(Juan shuffles off to the seating area and sits nervously. Deloris
resumes her work shuffling papers and typing. He reaches into
his pocket pulls out a wad of singles.)
SIGH!

(Juan then balls the money back up and forces it into his pocket.
He has never stopped squeezing the brown paper bag to his
chest.)
DELORIS
The phone rings again and Deloris answers.
PONY & PONY; PONIES AT LAW...

OH.
NO. NO.
I SAID IT WAS AT THE BACK...
THE BRIGHT RED SHOES?
YES.
OH I KNOW THEY’RE SO
EXPENSIVE BUT
SO CUTE.
I’M HERE UNTIL FIVE.
TGIF
RIGHT? I CAN’T LATER...
LOOK, YOU CUT IT INTO CUBES.
YES. NO. WAIT.
BOILING IS WHAT YOU DO
WITH THE OTHER,
YOU DEFINITELY NEED TO BAKE THIS.
I GOTTA GO.
YES, FOR REAL.
DELORIS
(Shakes her head disapprovingly.)
Deloris then hangs up and motions for Juan Carlos to go into the adjoining office. All the
actors leave the stage.

SCENE IV
[INTERIOR OF THE OFFICE – projected picture of office is the same as reception.

Another tiny desk is added to the room.]
PONIES
(Sitting at their desks. Looking busy. Then they both break out
singing)
PONY AND PONY AT LAW
PASCAL AND TRISTAN

PASCAL
WE’RE NEVER PHONY
TRISTAN
THIS AIN’T NO BOLOGNA
PASCAL AND TRISTAN

WE’RE PONY AND PONY AT LAW
(Advertisement dialogue pitch)
PASCAL AND TRISTAN

PASCAL
THE FIRST VISIT’S ALL-FREE!
TRISTAN
UNLESS YOU’RE A BRONY!
PASCAL AND TRISTAN

WE’RE PONY AND PONY AT LAW
PASCAL
YES WE ARE!
PASCAL AND TRISTAN


PASCAL
One more time!
PASCAL AND TRISTAN

JUAN
(Hurriedly enters the room stage left. Still holding the

newspaper with the ad.)
Are you the guys in the newspaper ad?
PASCAL
We certainly are.
JUAN
Really…
(Sitting at their desks. Looking busy.)
PASCAL
Hello, I’m Pascal, and this is my brother Tristan. How may we help you?
TRISTAN
(Straightens his clip on tie)
JUAN
(Sighs, looks at them incredulously and then slowly begins.)
My name is Juan…I have a teddy bear... and, well, really he’s my best friend...And you
guys are really small horses?
TRISTAN
(He answers gushing excitement.)
No, we’re ponies!
JUAN

ummm right. So I wanted to get my teddy bear clean because he was starting to smell
funny. Are you guys really lawyers? Did you have to pass some kind of test or
something?
TRISTAN
Yup! We really passed.
(He spills the contents of his mug.)
PASCAL
(Looks at Tristan for a second, and then back to Juan Carlos.)
Please continue.
JUAN
Ok... so because my bear, that I love so much, smelled so bad, I took him to the Squeaky
Cleaners, drycleaners to have him cleaned...
[LIGHT ON JUAN ONLY. PUPPETEERS REST THEIR ARMS.]
I PICKED UP MY SHIRTS FROM LAST WEEK,

AND DROPPED OFF MY BEAR.
THE OWNER SAID HE WOULD TAKE GOOD CARE.
THEY GAVE ME A TICKET.

IT SAID NUMBER ONE
AND I LEFT.
I WAS DONE.
WHEN I CAME BACK TO THE STORE

THE VERY NEXT DAY,
THE OWNER GAVE ME THIS BAG.
I OPENED IT RIGHT AWAY
AND I SAW MY BEAR,
IT WAS SAWED APART!
JUST A PILE OF FLUFF AND FUZZ

AND IT BROKE MY HEART!
I SCREAMED LIKE SOMEONE

WHO GOT HIS HAND CAUGHT IN A DRAWER,
AND RAN OUT OF THE STORE.

EVENTUALLY I WOUND UP HERE...
AND I SAW MY BEAR,

(Reaches in the bag and produces a pile of fluff).
JUST A PILE OF FLUFF AND FUZZ

[WHOLE STAGE IS ILLUMINATED.]
TRISTAN
Wow! That was a horrible experience but a great song! Can you sing it again? This time
on key and with more feeling. One and a-two- and a-three...
PASCAL
That’s, well it’s on key enough.
JUAN
Do you guys… ummm ponies, think you can help me?
PASCAL
What do you specifically want us to do?
JUAN
(Frustrated and desperate. Trying not to be emotional.)
WELL, I’M NOT SURE. IT JUST SEEMS WRONG

THAT MY BEAR WOUND UP LIKE THIS.
IT SHOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED,
AND I DON’T HAVE ANY PROOF.
THAT THE DRY CLEANER DID ANYTHING WRONG,
BUT... I’VE DROPPED THINGS OFF THERE

AND I’VE PICKED THINGS UP.
AND THEY’VE CLEANED MY T-SHIRTS

AND LAUNDERED OTHER STUFF.

AND EVERYTHING IS NORMAL.

AND EVERYTHING IS FINE.
EVERYTHING HAS ALWAYS BEEN ALRIGHT...

MY FRIENDS GO THERE, TOO
AND EVERYTHING IS NORMAL.
AND EVERYTHING IS FINE
I’VE NEVER SEEN THIS HAPPEN BEFORE,

BUT I KNOW THAT SOMEHOW.
SOMETHING HERE IS WRONG.

SOMETHING HERE IS WRONG NOW.
AND SQUEAKY CLEANER IS SOME-HOW

RESPONSIBLE.
AND SQUEAKY CLEANER IS SOME-HOW

RESPONSIBLE.
PASCAL
If we could somehow figure out how to prove that the Squeaky Cleaners were responsible
for damaging your bear, then what? Would you like to have your bear fixed?
JUAN
(Trying to regain composure.)
Yes...
PASCAL
I think we can help you to get them to fix your bear.
(Pounds table with hoof.)
TRISTAN
(Offers Juan some tissues.)
JUAN
Thank you... allergies you know...

(Exits stage left holding the bag to his chest tightly, sniffling a
little.)
TRISTAN
What do we do now?
PASCAL
Want to go law library and see if we can find a case to help us?
TRISTAN
Not really… I was thinking of going to the post office…
[LIGHTS GO OFF ON PONIES. JUAN RE-ENTERS WITH LIGHT ONLY ON HIM]
THEY SAID THEY COULD

I HOPE THEY WOULD.
BUT IT’S MY LIFE ALRIGHT
AND I’M JUST BROKE TONIGHT.

I HOPE THEY WOULD.
AND A HEART AND A MIND AREN’T RIGHT ALL OF THE TIME

NOT EVEN SOME OF THE TIME,
AND IT SEEMS, LIKE I’M GONNA BE WRONG AGAIN.

SCENE V
ON THE STREET WITH LOUISE – projected street scene
LOUISE
(Walking briskly about the stage making sharp turns at 90

degree angles as OLD GUY, DELORIS, and MUSE mill
around the stage looking like they are busy.)
I can’t believe I lost my newspaper. This is all I need!
DIFFERENT
LOUISE
NOT THIS!
NOT NOW !
I’M LOSING THINGS
BOTH LEFT AND RIGHT
I MUST BE CALM AND FIGHT THE FIGHT
WHY ME?
WHY NOW?
I CAN’T BELIEVE I TOOK A CASE
ABOUT A BEAR WITHOUT A FACE
I’M SICK AND TIRED
OF ALL THE STRESS
I NEED SOMETHING MORE
I MUST CONFESS
WHAT I NEED AND WHAT I WANT

IS DIFFERENT.
I WANT SO MUCH MORE
I’M DIFFERENT
WHAT I REALLY NEED
IS NOT THE LIFE I LEAD
THERE’S MORE TO ME THAN JUST MY NAME
WHAT I NEED AND WHAT I WANT

IS DIFFERENT
TO BE HEARD AND NOT JUST SEEN
QUITE DIFFERENT
BUT I CAN’T BE WEAK I MUST BE STRONG
THEY COUNT ON ME TO RIGHT THEIR WRONG
SO I SIMPLY GO ALONG

AND PLAY THE GAME
WOMEN IN THE WORLD

HAVE ONLY THREE PARTS THEY CAN PLAY
YOU’RE EITHER SEXY
STUPID
OR A WITCH.
WELL I KNOW I’M NOT THAT PRETTY

AND I’VE LEARNED A THING OR TWO
SO IF THAT MAKE ME A WITCH
BETTER WATCH OUT FOR THIS BITCH!
BUT I’M SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT

I’M DIFFERENT
HIDING DEEP INSIDE
THERE’S A SPECIAL VOICE
BUT TO MAKE IT IN THIS LIFE
YOU MUST MAKE A CHOICE
MY CHOICE WAS NOT TO BE

SO DIFFERENT
BE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
NOT THAT DIFFERENT
PLAIN AND ORDINARY

THAT’S THE WAY TO BE
I’LL BE A BITCH
I’LL FIGHT THE FIGHT
I’LL WIN THE CASE
WHETHER WRONG OR RIGHT
THEN MAYBE THEY WILL SEE

THAT DIFFERENT GIRL INSIDE OF ME

ARRR! Great! I’m late to meet with the drycleaners. Squeaky-Cleaners? Ugggg! I don’t
know why I’m representing them. Who would ever think that those idiot ponies would
sue!
I’M A BITCH AND I’M NOT

THROUGH!
(Storms off stage.)
DELORIS, OLD GUY and MUSE
(All three of them dressed like show-girls including OLD GUY

do burlesque dancing. MUSE is the lead and they all
awkwardly follow her lead.)

SCENE VI
[POST OFFICE – SAME STREET FOR SCENE VI – all actors are gone. Only Tristan
and Pascal are there.]
PONIES
(Just standing there by the left center second entrance)
PASCAL
Come on Tristan. Quit dragging your feet! We have to go do research on Juan’s case!
TRISTAN
Yea, yea…I’ll meet you there. I just have to go to the post office.
(Tristan looks to extreme stage right where Muse is just

entering)
MUSE
(Slightly enters stage right, waiving and blowing kisses at

Tristan.)
PASCAL
(Not noticing Muse at all)
Fine. I’ll see you later. Honestly, I have no idea why you spend all your time at the post
office.
TRISTAN
Yea. I… I play chess by mail.
PASCAL
You can play chess?! I have never seen you even touch a chessboard.
TRISTAN
(Speaking largely to Muse.)
I am passionate about chess. I love it... chess is so busty.

PASCAL
I’m not impressed. I’ll see you later.
(Pascal walks off stage left)
MUSE AND TRISTAN
(Run to each other and embrace.)
PAINT ME THE SKY
TRISTAN
Thank God he’s gone. I’m sick and tired of all this…work. It’s just not me.
MUSE
YOU KNOW WHERE YOU BELONG
YOU NEED TO BE WITH ME
TRISTAN CAN’T YOU SEE HOW I MAKE YOU
HAPPY
TRISTAN
SO HAPPY…
I can’t.
MUSE
WHY SIT AROUND AND WAIT?
WHEN YOU AND I CREATE
SUCH BEAUTIFUL ART
TRISTAN
I said I can’t.
MUSE
WHAT GLORIOUS ART!
TRISTAN
No!
THE LAW IS WHERE I WIN!

MAKING MONEY AIN’T A SIN
YES, I HATE THE NINE-TO-FIVE
BUT IT HELPS ME STAY ALIVE

MUSE
YOU CALL THAT LIVING?
YOU THINK YOU’RE WINNING?
IN THE END YOU COULD LOSE
SO PLEASE DO NOT REFUSE
TRISTAN
My perfect Muse…
MUSE
PAINT ME THE SKY
AND A BRIGHT GOLDEN RAINBOW
PAINT ME A SUN
FULL OF WARM
LOVING GLOW
DRAW ME A FIELD
REACHING FAR IN THE DISANCE
DRAW US A HOME
A SAFE PLACE WE CAN GO
TRISTAN
WHEN MY HEART ACHES
WHEN MY HEART BREAKS
ALL OF MY LIFE FEELS SO BLUE
MUSE
HEARTS SOMETIMES ACHE
HEARTS THEY DO BREAK
BUT KNOW THAT I’LL ALWAYS BE THERE
FOR YOU
TRISTAN
I’LL BE THERE FOR YOU TOO
MUSE
PAINT ME THE SKY
AND THE STARS HIGH ABOVE
AND THEN PAINT ME A PLACE
WHERE THE CALM WATERS FLOW
COME LET US FLY

AND WE’LL RUN ON FOREVER
A MOMENT IN TIME
TRISTAN

MOMENT IN TIME
MUSE
A MOMENT IN TIME
MUSE AND TRISTAN

WITH YOU
TRISTAN
WHEN MY TEARS FALL
WHEN MY HEART ACHES
I FEEL SO LOST AND NEVER WISE
MUSE
TEARS THEY WILL FALL
BUT THEN THE DAY BREAKS
THE SUN SHINES ABOVE
AND WILL DRY YOUR EYES
TRISTAN
I’LL LOOK TO THE SKIES
THEN I’LL PAINT THE STARS

AND A BEAUTIFUL RAINBOW
MUSE
DRAW ME A FIELD
AND A HOME HIGH ABOVE
MUSE AND TRISTAN

ALL IT TAKES IS
MUSE
A LITTLE PAINT
TRISTAN
A LITTLE TIME.
MUSE AND TRISTAN

AND THE WORLD IS YOURS
AND WHAT’S YOURS IS MINE.
JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES TO LAST

FOREVER.

PAINT ME THE SKY…
TRISTAN
Do you know how to play chess?
MUSE
No.
TRISTAN
Neither do I.
MUSE AND TRISTAN
(Laugh and kiss. Then exit stage right)
PASCAL
(Wonders in from stage left.)
OLD GUY
(Walks in from stage left like he is someone important.)
PASCAL AND OLD GUY
(Bump into each other)
PASCAL
Excuse me.
OLD GUY
Excuse you.
PASCAL
Yes, well. Hey, aren’t you that guy, the old guy? The multizillionaire who has it all?
OLD GUY
Yes. Now go away. I make it a habit not to talk to nobodies. And you are a pony nobody.

(Walks off stage.)
PASCAL
(Yells after him.)
Yea! Well! I’m a pony-nobody-ATTORNEY! You just remember…that… right…
I may be a pony, but he’s an ass! “Anything too stupid to be said is sung.” So I’m going
to sing!
(DIFFERENT reprise.)
NOT HIM. NOT NOW.

ONE MORE JERK IN A SEA OF JERKS.
WHO KNOWS WHERE THE NEXT ONE LURKS!
BECAUSE WHAT PEOPLE WANT

AND WHAT I WANT IS SO DIFFERENT.

WHAT’S A PONY-GUY GOT TO DO

TO BE AN ORDINARY GUY?
I LIKE HAY AND CARROTS.
A SUGAR CUBE, OR TWO.
I’M REALLY A WHOLE LOT LIKE YOU!
BUT PONIES IN THIS WORLD HAVE NO PART TO PLAY

YOU EITHER CUTE
YOU CAN COUNT
OR YOU’RE GLUE!
AND I GUESS IF THAT’S MY CHOICE THEN I CHOOSE GLUE!

WAIT, NO. I MEAN!
AND I GUESS IF THAT’S MY CHOICE THEN I CHOOSE NEITHER.
LOUISE
(Wonders on stage making geometric, rigid, turns, from the

opposite side listening but trying to be ice cold as usual)
PASCAL
(Pascal doesn’t notice Louise and continues to sing)


AND I WANT TO BE A PERSON TOO!
LOUISE
(Walks past Pascal.)
PASCAL
Hi Louise.
LOUISE
(Stops walking and slowly turns around, acting put out and
pretending not to know who he is.)
Hello.
PASCAL
It’s me, Pascal.

LOUISE
Yea. I recall from the first scene. I’ve got to go to see my client. You know, the Squeaky
Cleaner. The guy you’re suing.
PASCAL
Oh… Sorry about that.

LOUISE
I’ll bet you are.
PASCAL
I’m going to the law library to pick up some books. Want to join me?
LOUISE
Not really.
(Walks away in a huff.)
PASCAL


AND I WANT TO BE A PERSON TOO!
(Walks off stage dejected.)

ACT II
SCENE I
[TRISTAN AND PASCAL AT OFFICE – Pascal brought books back from library.]
TRISTAN
This is boring.
PASCAL
Keep looking. We need to find something in these books that looks like what’s going on
here.
TRISTAN
Going on! Nothing’s going on...
PASCAL
I meant with the case, but now that you mention it… I go to the post office and I’m back
in 20 minutes. What do you do there for three hours?
TRISTAN
It’s hardly three hours. And I eat lunch while I’m there.
PASCAL
You eat lunch in the post office?
TRISTAN
Yes. Yes I do. Now that you’ve forced it out of me. They love me there. I often dine with
them. It’s kind of our little thing. They didn’t want you to know. They didn’t want to tell
you, but they don’t like you or this crummy little law firm. Thankfully they adore me and
so, they’ve decided to let us receive and send mail. This is my team contribution.
PASCAL
This is absurd. You sometimes eat lunch with me. You’re eating lunch sometimes twice a
day?
TRISTAN

I had no idea you were the lunch police.
PASCAL
Yes I am the lunch police. I was sworn in while you were at the post office! This is
stupid.
TRISTAN
There’s nothing wrong with what I do. I’m not the one trying to be normal.
PASCAL
I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. Let’s just find that case. OK?
PUPPETS
(Stare at books for a reasonable amount of time.)
TRISTAN
I think I found something!
(Points at book.)
Byrne v. Boadle. A case out of the 1860’s, England...
[LIGHTS GO OUT ON STAGE. PUPPETEERS EXIT AND DESKS REMOVED. A

SINGLE LIGHT FOLLOWS MUSE ON STAGE AND AS SHE PREFORMS.]
MUSE
(Comes onstage holding a large card that says “1860’s” and

prances around waving the card passing in between her legs
being sexy with it. This goes on and on forever, or a minute
and a half, whichever seems more practical. The whole time
she is making burlesque/porn music noises.)
Tss-tsss-ta-tisss-ta-ta-tisss! Bada-baaa-ba-ba-booo! Tss-tsss-ta-tisss-ta-ta-tisss! Bow-

chica-bow-wow! 1860’s! WEEEEEEE! Tss-tsss-ta-tisss-ta-ta-tisss! BA-DA-BOOOM!
DELORIS
(Eventually Deloris comes out on stage.)

Knock it off already you slut!
MUSE
I’m not a slut, I’m a MUSE!
(She makes a raspberry noise and chorus line kicks her way
offstage.)
DELORIS
(Leaves the stage unceremoniously.)

SCENE III
[BACKGROUND OF 1860’S STREET PROJECTED]

[It is comical that BYRNE is JUAN in another outfit.]
PONIES
(Walking down the street from stage right toward stage left
wearing top hats, chit-chatting among themselves.)
BYRNE
(Walks hurriedly past them traveling in the same direction

toward stage left.)
Excuse me gentlemen.
PONIES
(Pause and then continue walking and chit-chatting among

themselves.)
BYRNE
(When he is nearly off stage, a barrel is thrown at him (it’s

made out of cardboard for safety reasons). Byrne collapses to
the ground knocked out.)
[Lights slowly go off and then on slowly twice simulating Byrne passing out and waking
back up.]
BYRNE
(Struggling to wake up and understand where he is.)
Who, are? Are you? No. Ponies? Wait. What happened? ARRRRRGGG! And why does
my head hurt?
TRISTAN
IT WAS AMAZING!
THERE WAS A BARREL AND A WINDOW.

NOT THROUGH BUT OUT.

PONIES
OUT OF A WINDOW.
PASCAL
WAIT BUT FIRST YOU WERE WALKING!
BYRNE
WALKING? WHERE WAS I WALKING TO?
TRISTAN
NOT TO, BUT PAST,
PASCAL
PAST A FLOUR FACTORY AND A BARREL,
TRISTAN
THAT FLEW!
PASCAL
AND WHO KNOWS HOW IT HAPPENED?
ALL
I DON’T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED!

I KNOW IT SHOULDN’T HAPPEN!
ALL WE KNOW. IS THAT WALKING

DOESN’T CAUSE BARRELS TO FALL.

BYRNE
THE OWNER OF THIS BUILDING

HE SHOULD BE IN CONTROL
HE SHOULD MAKE SURE ALL HIS BARRELS
ARE NOT IN A POSITION TO FALL!

LOUISE
(Joins the group dressed in 1860’s attire.)
WELL BOYS YOU’RE OUT OF LUCK.

THE LAW DOESN’T GIVE A FLYING F-BARREL
HE’S GOING TO HAVE TO PROVE
HOW THIS BARREL WAS MADE TO MOVE
OUT OF A WINDOW.
OUT OF A WINDOW.
ALL (INCLUDING LOUISE)



LOUISE
Sometimes the law isn’t fair.
BYRNE
I don’t care. The thing speaks for itself! Barrels don’t just fly out of windows without
carelessness. That should count for something! I am going to try to go to court anyway!
I’m going to take Mr. Bodel to court to pay for my hospital visit.
PASCAL
You have quite a road ahead of you.
TRISTAN

Good luck. We’re rooting for you!
PONIES
(Leave the stage.)
BYRNE
Are you going to come to court?
LOUISE
Someday I will do more than that.

SCENE IV
BYRNE
(Walking hurriedly onto an empty stage. Byrne addresses the

audience.)
Fellows! You’ll never believe this! The law! It works!
The thing speaks for itself! I told you! The judge recognized that I was right! Boadle was
found to be careless as a matter of law! And the law now is that the thing speaks for itself
and it’s called res ipsa loquitur.
I DID NOT HAVE TO HAVE TO PROVE

EXACTLY HOW
OUT OF A WINDOW.



AND THAT’S ENOUGH.

BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED
IF BODEL HAD TAKEN CARE.
AND FROM HERE ON OUT INTO FOREVER

IF A CASE LIKE THIS SHOULD HAPPEN
YOU DON’T HAVE TO NOW OR EVER
PROVE EXACTLY HOW.


OUT OF A WINDOW.





SCENE V
MUSE
(Comes onstage holding a large card that says “BACK IN THE

PRESENT” and prances around waving the card passing in
between her legs being incredibly sexy with it. This goes on
and on forever, or a minute and a half, whichever seems more
practical. The whole time she is making burlesque porn music
noises.)
Tss-tsss-ta-tisss-ta-ta-tisss! Bada-baaa-ba-ba-booo! Tss-tsss-ta-tisss-ta-ta-tisss! Bow-

chica-bow-wow! 2000’s! WEEEEEEE! Tss-tsss-ta-tisss-ta-ta-tisss! BA-DA-BOOOM!
DELORIS
(From the side of the stage!)

WHORE!
MUSE
(Makes a raspberry noise and drags her and her sign off the
stage.)
[OFFICE BACKGROUND PROJECTED. Two small desks.]
PASCAL
Tristan! This is great! Do you know what this means?
TRISTAN
Yea, it means that I should wear a helmet in case of rogue barrels flying out of windows.
PASCAL
Ummm. Well…res ipsa loquitur.
TRISTAN
Rest of the licorice? Sounds good to me.

JUAN

(Suddenly bursts through the door with his paper bag.)
Ummm hi ponies. Listen, I was just thinking… well. You’re ponies. And uhhh I think I
could get some more money and go to a real firm. You guys are great. And uhhh super
cute, but I need someone…
PASCAL
(Interrupting him.)
Juan, you’re just getting cold feet. Relax. We have the case clincher right here.
(Pascal taps the book in front of him.)
TRISTAN
Rest of the licorice.
(Taps the book in front of him.)
JUAN
What do sugary treats have to do with any of this?
PASCAL
Let me tell you something about barrels…
(Pascal talks about the law with Juan without noticing what is
happening with Muse and Tristan.)
MUSE
Tristan… Tssss-ta-ta-tsssss….
TRISTAN
(Doesn’t notice her.)
MUSE
(Seductively walks up to him.)
Tristan!!!
TRISTAN

Oh. This isn’t a good time.

MUSE
What are you doing?
TRISTAN
Trying to focus.
MUSE
Let’s draw
A little paper!
A little time!
And the world for now is yours and mine!
TRISTAN
I can’t…
MUSE
(Storms off.)
JUAN
I don’t think my case is anything like a flour barrel going out of a window. That guy is
nothing like me. I don’t see any connection; we are completely different people.
PASCAL
Look, before Byrne won his case, you would have to prove precisely HOW the accident
happened. Now, under certain, rare, circumstances, you don’t have to.
JUAN
Ok. I get it. So wait. Everyone knows that when a teddy bear is dropped off at the dry
cleaners, it does not come back as a pile of fuzz.
PASCAL
Exactly! And although you can’t say exactly how it happened, ordinarily if the Squeaky
Cleaners had been taking care of your bear as they could have, and should have, this
wouldn’t have happened!

TRISTAN
(Finally paying attention again.)
And you did nothing to cause your bear to be shredded and no way of determining how it
happened.
JUAN
(Relaxing his grip on the bag slightly and breathing better.)
Wow! You ponies are amazing. What do you call this law thing?
PASCAL
Thank you.
TRISTAN
It’s called rest... res ipsa loquitur.
PASCAL
Very good Tristan.
JUAN
(Walks out of the office and off stage feeling confident.)
TRISTAN
I gotta go.
(Tristan runs out of the room)
PASCAL
Sure. Go. I’ll do all the work…

I’m tired of trying; of faking it until I make it. I just want to make it…

SCENE VI
[OUTSIDE ON THE STREET.]
JUAN
(Wondering around stage as he sings. Reprise of Juan’s earlier

lament)

I HOPE THEY WOULD.

I HOPE THEY WOULD.
AND A HEART AND A MIND AREN’T RIGHT ALL OF THE TIME

NOT EVEN SOME OF THE TIME,
AND IT SEEMS, LIKE THEY’RE GONNA’ WIN THIS CASE.
(Not paying attention, Juan bumps into Muse who has

wondered on stage with an easel.)
Excuse me.
MUSE
It’s ok.
It’s not the first
Shitty thing to happen to me today.
JUAN
I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve had some bad luck too. I’ve lost my best
friend.
(Squeezes the paper bag containing his bear, which is now

fuzz.)
MUSE
You know, Art can be therapy. It can help you get through your problems.

JUAN
I could use all the help I can get. But I haven’t drawn anything since I was a kid… and I
really wasn’t that good at it.
MUSE
That doesn’t matter. I can help you.
JUAN
Ok. My name is Juan.
MUSE
I’m Muse of Art. You can call me your Muse.
TRISTAN
(Along the side of the stage when she says “call me your
Muse.” Looks very upset.)
JUAN/MUSE (Reprise of PAINT ME THE SKY)
OH WHAT WILL YOU MAKE WITH ME TODAY!

LET’S HIDE HERE FOREVER AND JUST PLAY!
A LITTLE PAINT!
A LITTLE TIME!
AND THE WORLD FOR NOW IS YOURS AND MINE!
LET’S TAKE THE ORDINARY AND LET’S MAKE IT EXTRAORDINARY

YOU AND ME.
ART IS FREE.
TRISTAN
NO!
JUAN
(Juan mutters and walks off stage)

Uh yea…I’m going to go. I’m not going to get involved in a pony love triangle.
TRISTAN
What are you doing?
MUSE
I’m a muse. I’m inspiring…
TRISTAN
Someone else!
MUSE
You need me to create art, but the truth is, I don’t need you. Art will go on without you. I
can inspire other people. Get off your high horse! You’re cheating on me with the law!
TRISTAN
You know I need to help my brother!
MUSE
Help? What help are you? You can’t have your carrots and eat them too Tristan Pony. As
far as I’m concerned, you’re a sugar CUBE!
(Muse makes the shape of a square with her hands and then
tries to sexy storm off stage but kind of fails.)
TRISTAN
(Storms off stage frustrated.)
PASCAL
(Walks on stage.)
Have you seen my brother?
OLD GUY
(Walks on stage.)
Are you talking to me?

PASCAL
Yes. Have you seen him? I went to the post office and he isn’t there.
OLD GUY
I don’t care. I don’t care about you or your pony friends. I have no idea why you insist on
talking to me.
PASCAL
Because I guess I hope you can be polite.
OLD GUY
Oh please. You are the rude one. You talk to people who want nothing to do with you.
You have no boundaries. No one wants to talk to a pony, understand? Beat it!
(Walks away off stage, unaffected by how hurtful he is.)
TRISTAN
(Storms back on stage not seeing his brother standing on the

opposite side of the stage.)
TRISTAN/PASCAL (Reprise of DIFFERENT)
NOT HIM. NOT NOW. (TRISTAN SINGS “NOT HER”)

ONE MORE JERK IN A SEA OF JERKS.
WHO KNOWS WHERE THE NEXT ONE LURKS!


WHAT’S A PONY-GUY GOT TO DO

TO BE AN ORDINARY GUY?
I LIKE HAY AND CARROTS.
A SUGAR CUBE, OR TWO.
I’M REALLY A WHOLE LOT LIKE YOU!
BUT PONIES IN THIS WORLD HAVE NO PART TO PLAY

YOU EITHER CUTE

YOU CAN COUNT

OR YOU’RE GLUE!
AND I GUESS IF THAT’S MY CHOICE THEN I CHOOSE GLUE!

WAIT, NO. I MEAN!
AND I GUESS IF THAT’S MY CHOICE THEN I CHOOSE NEITHER.

AND I WANT TO BE A PERSON TOO! (PASCAL)

AND I WANT TO BE A LAWYER TOO! (TRISTAN)
ARRRRRRR! (Yells)
(Both storm off and exit the stage from opposite sides)

SCENE VII
[STREET, TRIAL PREP]
LOUISE
I need to focus for trial… Prepare my mind, body and spirit.
(Louise sits at a low Japanese table with her briefcase at her

side. Traditional style Japanese music plays as she slowly puts
on a white headband with the scales of justice on it.
DELORIS, OLD GUY, and MUSE walk on stage in suits like
lawyers and wearing headbands. They are dancing with
briefcases and yellow legal notepads. Louise dances with
them, seriously and making right angle turns. Eventually,
DELORIS, OLD GUY, and MUSE hold briefcases and yellow
legal notepads as though she is going to kick and punch them
like in karate breaking boards. She misses all the targets
intentionally and pops OLD GUY in the groin with a kick, and
MUSE and DELORIS get punched in the face. LOUISE then
takes off her headband, puts on high heels and begins to walk
off stage.)
I’m ready for anything!
PONIES
(Walk on stage.)
JUAN
(Walk on stage with ponies and carrying that paper bag as

usual.)
TRISTAN
When I get nervous…I ummm…sing…
(Nervously sings.)
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels

Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
PASCAL

I can’t stand that song. Why are you nervous? We have the law on our side. When we get
to court, the judge will see “the thing speaks for itself”, res ipsa loquitur, and we’ll win.
No problem.
JUAN
So wait… if I understand you… You’re dating that hot art chick?
TRISTAN
It’s complicated.
PASCAL
Can you two focus? We need to focus our bodies, minds, and spirits…
PASCAL, TRISTAN AND JUAN
(All try to look like they’re mediating. They look up at the

ceiling with their eyes closed and their hands slightly out.)
OHMMMMMMMM…
LOUISE and OLD GUY
(Walk on stage together purposefully looking strong and

ready.)
OLD GUY
(Looking at them like they are garbage.)
LOUISE
Ummm what are you doing?
PASCAL
Focusing.
LOUISE
Yea, you’re going to need it.
PASCAL
Please, this is an open and shut case. Rest of the licorice.

(Whips around and looks at Tristan)

Res ipsa loquitur!
LOUISE
Ahhhhh yes... but maybe this time the thing does not speak for itself.
TRISTAN
PFFFFFFF!
LOUISE
Yes. If you claim that the Squeaky Cleaner
(Points to OLD GUY)
Could and should have been able to prevent the harm caused to the bear, and that without
the cleaner taking care the bear would not have been harmed, then for the Cleaner to win,
I would have to prove the opposite.
PASCAL
Huh?
LOUISE
If I can prove there is a 50/50 chance that my client could not have controlled the
situation that caused the bear to be harmed and that my client, even taking care could not
have prevented the harm; I could win. The bear was old, it was on the edge of falling
apart, even if the Squeaky Cleaners had taken care to clean the bear, it would have fallen
apart.
TRISTAN
But would a jury believe that?
LOUISE
A reasonable jury may. We’ll see...
LOUISE and OLD GUY
(Turn on their heels and walk away severely.)

TRISTAN
Wow. She’s good.
JUAN
Any chance I can still hire her?
PASCAL
Come on guys. We can do it!
JUAN
(Uninspired)
Go team…
JUAN, TRISTAN, PASCAL, and DELORIS have a dance-off against LOUISE, OLD
GUY, and MUSE
(Dance off like West Side Story meets White Chicks Eventually
the PONIES side wins with some seriously awesome moves.
At random intervals they yell out key points of their case, like
“The bear was old!” and “the cleaners should have taken
care!”)
LOUISE
Curses!
(Strides off stage with dignity intact.)
OLD GUY
(Still looks at them like garbage. Leaves with Louise.)
MUSE
(Stays around and looks longingly at TRISTAN.)
JUAN, TRISTAN, PASCAL, and DELORIS

(Congratulate each other.)
TRISTAN
(Looks longingly at MUSE.)

SCENE VIII
[PONY OFFICE]
DELORIS
(At her desk as the phone rings constantly. She answers the phones.)
Pony and Pony, Ponies at law, please hold!
(Phone ringing)
Pony and Pony, Ponies at law… oh it’s you. I’ll call you back Marge, but ...it’s none of
my business. I don’t care how tall he is, he’s going to need a ladder to get those cookies...
(Phone ringing)
That case really has started something.
PONIES
(Walk into the room talking to each other.)
TRISTAN
Hi Deloris!
DELORIS
(Phone ringing)
The phone’s been ringing off the hook!
PASCAL
This is indeed a glorious moment! Finally people appreciate our talents.
JUAN
(Runs into the room with the paper bag in hand.)

LOOK! My bear is fixed! It’s better than ever!
(Reaches into the bag and pulls out his bear completely
restored.)
PONIES
[adlib congratulations!]
TRISTAN
(Thrilled at first and then sad.)
I… I have to go to the post office…
MUSE
No you don’t!
(Muse strides across the stage, office, confidently.)
Look, Tristan I …
PASCAL
(Interrupts)
Who is she?
JUAN
Seriously, you didn’t know he has been seeing this hot chick the whole time?
PASCAL
Well, I suspected the whole “chess by mail” thing was a façade…
TRISTAN
What are you doing here?
MUSE
I’m trying’a tell you already! Look Tristan, I just want to say…
LOUISE
(Storms into the office holding a newspaper. Interrupting.)

Seriously!? I lost this case to some ponies? Who the hell is writing this crap?
PASCAL
Sorry Louise; tough break. The thing speaks for it…
LOUISE
(Interrupting.)
Oh shut up!
TRISTAN
It’s about licorice…
MUSE
Why don’t you all shut up!
LOUISE
Who the hell is she?
PASCAL
I think it’s my brother’s secret girl friend, or chess by mail partner. I really don’t know.
TRISTAN
It’s complicated… you see she’s my muse, and uhhh my muse…
JUAN
Yea and she was hitting on me…
DELORIS
(Still on the phone)
She’s a slut alright. Look at the outfit. You don’t have to be a brain surgeon to know that.
And yea the one in the show-girl costume isn’t too much better…
LOUISE

What was that?
MUSE
Tristan! This is like a dinner with my mother! Stop interrupting me!
TRISTAN
No. I am going to interrupt you. Pascal, you’re my brother and you want to do this whole
law-thing. I get it. But it’s not for me. I have to do what I love and I have to do art!
MUSE
OH TRISTAN! That was so poetic!
TRISTAN and MUSE
(Embrace and smooch like only a puppet and a woman can.)
PASCAL
Well, great. Now it’s the law firm of just Pony…
LOUISE
If you can’t beat’um join ‘um. I’ll join your firm and you won’t have to change the name.
EVERYONE
What?!
LOUSE
Seriously? You didn’t know? My last name is Pony. Louise Pony.
TRISTAN
(Stops making out with Muse for a minute.)
UNCANNY!
JUAN
I’m stunned. Do you hear that bear? This is stunning.

(Juan talks to his now restored bear-best-friend.)
DELORIS
Harriet, you’ll never believe this. The slut…no the one in the suit…her last name is Pony.
I’m going to die over here…
PASCAL
Well, Louise, I’m happy to have you aboard!
OLD GUY
(Bursts on stage. Out of breath)
Hold on! I’m going to marry your receptionist because I want to make her the wealthiest
woman on this stage for no real reason!
DELORIS
Oh my god. This whole place is a real shit show now. I’m going to have to call you
back… yes, no, the key is in the flowerpot. No, the third shelf…
(Puts phone down and runs to OLD GUY)
PASCAL
Ummm congratulations?
LOUISE
Seriously? WTF?
ALL
(Song and dance number like the one Louise did earlier but
without the karate.)
AMAZING!
ALL
IT WAS AMAZING!

THERE WAS A BEAR AND A CLEANER

WITH A REALLY BAD DEMEANOR
BUT THE PONIES THEY WERE KEENER
THAN ANYONE KNEW
WHAT A FIGHT
WHAT A DANCE!
A GRAND PLIÉ AND THEN A PRANCE!
WE WERE THROWN IN A DEEP TRANCE
BY THE PONIES
PONY AND PONY

PONY AND PONY
PONY AND PONY
AT LAW!
PONY AND PONY

PONY AND PONY
PONY AND PONY
PASCAL
THAT’S ME!
ALL
IT WAS AMAZING!
THE LITTLE BEAR WAS MADE BETTER
JUAN
EVEN GOT A BRAND NEW SWEATER!
PASCAL
FOUGHT THE LAW RIGHT TO THE LETTER
TRISTAN
WELL, THAT’S ONE POINT OF VIEW…
ALL
AND WHO KNOWS HOW IT HAPPENED
YES, IT PROBABLY SHOULDN’T HAPPEN
LITTLE BEARS DON’T TURN TO FUZZ
JUAN
NO MATTER WHAT DRY CLEANING DOES
BUT IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER
THEY’RE AMAZING!

PONY AND PONY

PONY AND PONY
PONY AND PONY
AT LAW!
PONY AND PONY

PONY AND PONY
PONY AND PONY…
PASCAL
AT LAW
I’M SO HAPPY!
TRISTAN
THIS SHOW IS GETTING CRAPPY
PASCAL
THE LAW’S NOT ALWAYS FAIR
BUT IT RINGS TRUE
TRISTAN
WELL IT’S ART THAT I CHOOSE
JUST ME AND MY SWEET MUSE
PASCAL
WELL I NEVER WILL LOSE
(To LOUISE)
SINCE I HAVE YOU
LOUISE
YES YOU DO!
PASCAL
WE’LL DO THIS THING TOGETHER
THROUGH AND THROUGH!
LOUISE
TRIED AND TRUE!
ALL
PONIES WE LOVE…!
OLD MAN (Interrupting the celebration)

Stop all this bullshit!
DELORES

Don’t you mean horse-shit?...
ALL
AND WE ALL SING…

PASCAL
IF YOU NEED TO GO TO TRIAL
LOUISE
WHY NOT GO TO COURT IN STYLE
PASCAL AND LOUISE

AND CALL PONY AND PONY AT LAW!
ALL
TRISTAN
SO COME ON EVERY BRONIE!
BRONIES
OH WE HOPE YOU WIN THE TONY!
PASCAL AND LOUISE

WE’RE PONY AND PONY…
BRONIES
RIDIN’ THAT PONY
MUSE
STICK A FEATHER IN MY CAP AND CALL IT…
BRONIES:
MACARONI!
PASCAL AND TRISTAN

PONY AND PONY
ALL
AT LAW!
That’s all!

(The opening theme music starts to play with the trumpet of the
call to the races and it continues score is full of adrenaline
announcing Pony and Pony, Ponies at Law!)
[END. Curtain falls.]

APPENDIX I
MUSICAL SCORES

Different Lyrics by Cara Parmigiani
and Brian Katona
From the New Musical, Music by Brian Katona
"Pony & Pony: Ponies at Law"
1 Agitated 2 3 4
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Brian Katona, EMLA PRODUCTIONS, February 2015
__ 2 __
Pony & Pony: Ponies at Law: The Musical "Different"
15 Freely 16 17 18 19
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heard and not just seen. Quite diff ere - ent. But I can't be weak I must be strong, they count on me to
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right their wrong. So I sim-ply go a-long and play the game.
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Pony and Pony Jingle Lyrics by Cara Parmigiani
and Brian Katona
"Pony & Pony: Ponies at Law""
1 2 3 4 5 TRISTAN:
° 4
&b 4 ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ œ œ œ œ œœ œ
Po-ny and Po - ny at
PASCAL:
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4
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law. Po - ny and Po - ny at law. We're ne-ver pho - ny
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law. Po - ny and Po - ny at law. This
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Pony & Pony: Ponies at Law: The Musical "Jingle"
10 11 12 13 14
° œ œ œ œ ˙™
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We're Po-ny and Po - ny at law.
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Po-ny and Po - ny at law. Po-ny and Po - ny at law. The
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Un - less you're a Bro - ny! We're Po -ny and Po - ny at law.
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24 25 26 27 28 29
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Po-ny and Po - ny at law. Po -ny and Po -ny at law!
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NO. ?
Paint Me The Sky Lyrics by Cara Parmigiani
From the New Musical, and Brian Katona
TRISTAN: "Pony & Pony: Ponies at Law" Music by Brian Katona
Thank God he’s gone.
I’m sick and tired of all this…work.
It’s just not me. MUSE:
1 2 3 4
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Youknow where you be-long you need to be with me
bb4 ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ 5
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Tris- tan, can't you see how I make you hap - py? Why sit a-round and wait when
TRISTAN: I just can't...

TRISTAN:
bb5 ∑ 4Œ ‰œ œ œ 2 ∑ 4 ∑
¢ & 4 4 J 4 4
So happ - y...
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Pony & Pony: Ponies at Law: The Musical "Paint Me The Sky"
9 10 11 12 13
3
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you and I cre-ate such beau -ti - ful art. What glo - ri - ous art!
TRISTAN: I said I can't! TRISTAN: No!
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14 15 16 17
° b œ œ bœ œ œ œ œ œœœ
¢& b œ œ bœ œ œ œ œ œ œ bœ œ œ œ ˙
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law is where I'm win. Mak -ing mon-ey ain't a sin. Yes,I hate the nine-to-five but it helps me stay a- live!
b bœœ œœ œœ œœ
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18 MUSE: 19 20 21
° b 3
2 4 3
2 4
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You call that liv - ing? You think you're winn - ing? In the
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rit.
22 23 24
° b4 3
&b 4 œ nœ œ œ œ œ œ #œ n˙ ∑ 4
end you could lose, so please don't re - fuse...
TRISTAN:
bb4 ∑ ∑ ‰ n¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ Œ 3
¢ & 4 J 4
My per - fect Muse!
b4 3
& b 4 n˙˙ œ œœ ˙˙ ˙˙ ∑ 4
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25 Meno mosso
MUSE: 26 27 28 29 30 31 32
° b3
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Paint me the sky and a bright gol-den rain - bow Paint me a sun full of warm lov-ing glow
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Draw me a field reach - ing far in the dis - tance draw us a home a safe place we can go.
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41 42 43 44
° TRISTAN:
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¢ & b œ b˙ ™ œ b˙ ™
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When my heart aches when my heart breaks
b bœ œœ bœ bœ œ œ œ bœ
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bœ œ bœ œ œ œ
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bœ #œ
bœ bœ
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45 46 47 48
° b bœ œ bœ
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bœ #˙ ™
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All of my life feels so blue.
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49 MUSE: 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58
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Heartssometimes ache Heartsthey do break but knowthat I al - ways be there foryou.
TRISTAN:
bb ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ ∑ Œ œœ œ œ œ ˙™
¢ &
I'll be thereforyou too!
b œ bœ nœ œ ˙˙˙ ™™™
& b œ œ œ #œ œ œ#œœœ œ œ œ œœ œ œœ nœ œ#œ œnœ œ œ#œ œ œ œœ n˙˙ œ nœ œ œ œœ œ œœ
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59
MUSE: 60 61 62 63 64 65 66
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Paint me the sky and thestars high a - bove and thenpaint me a place where the calm wat - ers flow.
b
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67 68 69 70 71
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Come let us fly and we'll run on for - ev - er a mo - ment in
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time. A mo - ment in time with you.
TRISTAN:
bb Œ Ó bœ ˙™ ∑
¢ & #œ #œ #œ n˙
Mo - ment in time. With you.
b #œ ˙˙ œ ˙ œ œ bœœ bœ
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¢ & b œ bœ œ b˙ ™ œ bœ œ
b˙ ™
bœ ˙™
When my tears fall. When my heart aches I feel so lost ne - ver wise.
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Tears they will fall but then the day breaks. The sun shines a - bove and will dry your
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Pony and Pony Jingle Lyrics by Cara Parmigiani
and Brian Katona
"Pony & Pony: Ponies at Law""
1 2 3 4 5 TRISTAN:
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law. Po - ny and Po - ny at law. We're ne-ver pho - ny
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We're Po-ny and Po - ny at law.
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and Brian Katona
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need some - thing more, I must con - fess. What I
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not the life I lead. There's more to me than just my name. What I need and what I want is diff -erent. To be
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heard and not just seen. Quite diff ere - ent. But I can't be weak I must be strong, they count on me to
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when I start to twitch bett - er watch out for this bitch. But I'm
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NO. ?
Paint Me The Sky Lyrics by Cara Parmigiani
From the New Musical, and Brian Katona
TRISTAN: "Pony & Pony: Ponies at Law" Music by Brian Katona
Thank God he’s gone.
I’m sick and tired of all this…work.
It’s just not me. MUSE:
1 2 3 4
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Youknow where you be-long you need to be with me
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Tris- tan, can't you see how I make you hap - py? Why sit a-round and wait when
TRISTAN: I just can't...

TRISTAN:
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So happ - y...
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you and I cre-ate such beau -ti - ful art. What glo - ri - ous art!
TRISTAN: I said I can't! TRISTAN: No!
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law is where I'm win. Mak -ing mon-ey ain't a sin. Yes,I hate the nine-to-five but it helps me stay a- live!
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18 MUSE: 19 20 21
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You call that liv - ing? You think you're winn - ing? In the
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end you could lose, so please don't re - fuse...
TRISTAN:
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My per - fect Muse!
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Draw me a field reach - ing far in the dis - tance draw us a home a safe place we can go.
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° TRISTAN:
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œ bœ œ bœ
When my heart aches when my heart breaks
b bœ œœ bœ bœ œ œ œ bœ
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bœ œ bœ œ œ œ
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bœ #œ
bœ bœ
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45 46 47 48
° b bœ œ bœ
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All of my life feels so blue.
b bœ
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49 MUSE: 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58
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Heartssometimes ache Heartsthey do break but knowthat I al - ways be there foryou.
TRISTAN:
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I'll be thereforyou too!
b œ bœ nœ œ ˙˙˙ ™™™
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MUSE: 60 61 62 63 64 65 66
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Paint me the sky and thestars high a - bove and thenpaint me a place where the calm wat - ers flow.
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time. A mo - ment in time with you.
TRISTAN:
bb Œ Ó bœ ˙™ ∑
¢ & #œ #œ #œ n˙
Mo - ment in time. With you.
b #œ ˙˙ œ ˙ œ œ bœœ bœ
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¢ & b œ bœ œ b˙ ™ œ bœ œ
b˙ ™
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When my tears fall. When my heart aches I feel so lost ne - ver wise.
b bœ œ œ œ œ bœ œ œ œ œ œ bœbœ œ œ œ
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84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91
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Just a few more min-utes to last for - ev - er.
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Finale Lyrics by Cara Parmagiani
and Brian Katona
1 2 3
° #4
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reall y bad de mean or but the pon ies they were keen er than an-y one knew! What a
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Pony & Pony: Ponies at Law: The Musical "Amazing!"
12 13 14
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fight! What a dance! A grande pli - e and then a prance! We were thrown in a deep trance by the
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Pon - ies!
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Po-ny and Po - ny Po-ny and Po - ny Po-ny and Po - ny at law! Po-ny and Po - ny Po-ny and Po - ny
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18 19 20 21 JUAN:
PASCAL: ALL:
° #### # Ó Œ œ œ Œ Œ ‰
& # j #œ œœ œœ ‰ j œ #œ œ #œ œ œ œ œ œ
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That's me! It was a - maz - ing! The litt-le bear was made better! Ev en
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¢ & # ## œ œ œ œ nœ Œ Œ ∑ ‰ œœœ ‰ œœœ ‰ œœœ ‰ œœœ ‰ œœœ ‰ œœœ ‰ œœœ ‰ œœœ
Po-ny and Po ny
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œ BrianœKatona,œEMLA œPRODUCTIONS,
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__ 3 __
TRISTAN:
22 PASCAL: 23 24
° #### # œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ #œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ
¢& # #œ œ Œ
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got a brand new sweater! Fought the law right to the lett - er! Well that's one point of view!
#### # œ œ # œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ # œ œ œ œ nœ j ‰ j ‰ j
& # œ œn œ #œ œ œ nœ #œ œ œn œ #œ œ œ ‰ œj ‰ œœ nœœ #œœ
n œœ œ œ œ
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25 ALL: 26 27
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¢& # œ œ œœ œœ nœ #œœ
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And who knows how it happ-ened Yes, it prob-ably should-n't happen. Litt - le
#### # ‰ j j j œ œœ œœ œœ
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28 JUAN: 29 30
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bears don't turn to fuzz. No matt - er what dry clean-ing does! But it rea - lly does -n't matt - er they're a -
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31 32 33
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maz - ing!
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At law I'm so happ- y! Thelaw's not al-ways fair but it rings
TRISTAN:
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¢ & # œ œ œ œ nœ Œ Œ Ó Œ ‰ œJ œœ ∑
Po-ny and Po-ny ˙˙ This show is gett-ing crappy...
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true! Well I will ne-ver lose since I have
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Well it's art that I choose, just me and my sweet muse!
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42 43 44 ALL: 45 46
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you... We'll do this thing to-geth-er through and through. Oh Pon-ies we love you!
LOUISE:
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Yes, you do! Tried and true
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OLD MAN: Stop all this bullshit!

47 DELORES: Don't you mean, horse-shit?...
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And we all sing...
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__ 6 __
49 50 51 52 PASCAL:
° # œ œ œœ œœ œ œ
¢& œœ œ œ œ œ ˙˙ Ó œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ ˙˙ Œ œ œ
Po - ny and Po - ny at law. Po - ny and po - ny at law. If you
# ‰ œœ ‰ œj ‰ œœ ‰ œœj ‰ œœ ‰ œœj ‰ œœ ‰ œœj œ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ ‰ œœœ ‰ œœœ ‰ œœœ œ #œ

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œ œ œ œ œ LOUISE:
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Ó bbbb
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need to go to tri - al Why not go to court in sty - le And call Po - ny and Po - ny at law!
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Po-ny and Po - ny at law. Po-ny and Po - ny at law. So come on ev-ery Bro-nie
BRONIES:
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62 PASCAL and LOUISE: 63 64 MUSE: 65

° bb
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We're Po-ny and Po - ny! Stick a feath-er in my cap and call it...
BRONIES:
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hope you win the To- ny! Ri- din' that Po - ny!
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Pony Musical Fringenyc 2015 Submission

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Pony & Pony: Ponies at Law: The Musical

Lyrics by Brian Katona & Cara Parmigiani

© 2014 by Cara Parmigiani

OLD GUY/CLOTHIER/ LAUNDRY GUY

PONIES AT LAW by Cara Parmigiani Page 2 of 61

no fashion sense or sense of humor. She is completely oblivious to the fact

PONIES AT LAW by Cara Parmigiani Page 3 of 61

See attached musical score in progress at appendix of script.

PONIES AT LAW by Cara Parmigiani Page 4 of 61

(The puppets stand there at center stage quietly; as ponies do.

(A woman in thick glasses, hair pulled back, and a knee length

(Start to read interestedly.)

(Gently closes the book and walks off upstage left).

(Start to walk downstage slowly.)

[BACKGROUND: picture of the city street is projected behind them.]

CLOTHIERS (MUSE and OLD GUY)

puppets they look disapprovingly at their pony-nakedness. After

(A woman in a trench coat (one of the Clothiers) walks up to

Tristan, why don’t you love me?

(Is very interested in the mystery woman. And wonders off a

Of course I love you!

(He becomes head-over-heels for her as she continues to dance.)

(Continues to flirt with Tristan, opens her trench coat to reveal

I can’t. I promised Pascal I would leave the farm and be a lawyer.

PONIES AT LAW by Cara Parmigiani Page 6 of 61

Will you get bored with me?

(A beautiful woman in her mid 40’s dressed in a smart-looking

(Tries to look important. When that fails he tries to be more

(Turns around and looks at him condescendingly.)

(Looks at him incredulously.)

PONIES AT LAW by Cara Parmigiani Page 7 of 61

(Louise looking putout drops the newspaper and exits upstage

(STAGE FULLY ILLUMINATED. TRISTAN AND MUSE HAVE BEEN ACTING

Hey. Let’s go. We have work to do.

(Grabs Tristan and walks away stage left.)

(Blows kisses to Tristan and then runs to catch up with him).

PONIES AT LAW by Cara Parmigiani Page 8 of 61

[EXT of a street PROJECTED BACKGROUND.]

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE SCREWED?

(Points behind him to the drycleaner.)

EVERY ONE SAID IT WAS FINE.

(Holds up the bag.)

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE SCREWED?

(Points to newspaper ad. Then, with a renewed look of

Is a middle-aged woman with almost no fashion sense or sense

PONY AND PONY, PONIES AT LAW...

(Juan Carlos throws himself into the room exhausted. Deloris

I HAVE TO GO, A CLIENT WALKED IN...

(Gasping for air.)

The phone rings again and Deloris answers.

PONY & PONY; PONIES AT LAW...

(Shakes her head disapprovingly.)

PONIES AT LAW by Cara Parmigiani Page 11 of 61

[INTERIOR OF THE OFFICE – projected picture of office is the same as reception.

PONY AND PONY AT LAW

PASCAL AND TRISTAN

PASCAL AND TRISTAN

(Advertisement dialogue pitch)

PASCAL AND TRISTAN

PASCAL AND TRISTAN

PASCAL AND TRISTAN

PASCAL AND TRISTAN