ISSUE 78 DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING £5.99 Follow your compass Get curious about the familiar places calling your heart home Peer tae Ray ~ =Anxiety-got your heart racing? Staats Cck ty this expert tip“Each of us is more than the worst thing we've ever done TEVENSON, JlLive for the moment Have you ever had a vision of where you want to see yourself, and become so focused on that future image that it, practically consumes you? You tell yourself youll finally have the answers to all your problems. When you achieve it, then youll be happy. But what if you reach your goal, and it’s not this earth-shattering moment where everything falls perfectly into place? What if the moment passes, and youte left thinking: what next? Ita concept Ive heard athletes, in particular, discussing. The devotion to training, ving for an ambition, your every thought occupied by it. But whether its ‘a gold medal, a world championship, or raising 2 cup toa cheering crowd, when you're at the top of a podium it can feel ike the only way is down. All this to say, there's nothing wrong with having a long-term dream, But don't let that desire for a picture-perfect future stop you from enjoying the beauty in front of you right now. The disillusionment of delayed happiness is the idea thet denying ourselves joy now will give a greater reward down the line. But one thing that is certainin life is that time is never guaranteed, You never know what tomorrow will bring, so don't waste a second, Allow yourself to feel, to breathe, to live, to love. To enjoy doing nothing. To relish doing something. To appreciate the process. To value the journey. That's not to say you need to deny your ‘emotions or pretend to feel something youdont. Just that happiness is fleeting, ‘and doesnt have to be ‘eamed I's an ‘emotion, a moment, a person, a place. So, when it enters your life, clasp it tightly ‘and hold on as ong as you can. From our feature on deferred happiness ‘on p16, to embracing the comfort of 2 familar place on p80, we're all about appreciating the moment, and folowing your heart. (Our piece on grieving through pet loss (on p54 is a supportive reminder to not shy away from your unconditional ove. ‘And in those moments when emotions take over, our p51 article on heart rate anxiety offers practical tips to help you regain control a ‘At Happiful, inclusivity, representation, and creating a happier, healthier society are at the forefront of our mission. To find out more about our social and environmental pledges, Time is the most precious thing we have. Allow yourself to be present, and remember that ‘this too shall pass’ Whatever pain, hurt, anguish, or sorrow is in your heart, know that you are seen. ‘And you still deserve a moment of joy a rae raceas Happy reading, W| happifulcom EDITORSIN-CHIEF 1 | @happifu_magazineDoing it differently 16 Do you put off happiness? ‘You may be experiencing ‘deferred happiness syndrome! 29 The choice to go sober 18 months down the tne, podcaster Luke Clark shares his story 54 The rainbow bridge 8 myths about pet bereavement 61 Should we de-influence? It may be time we question how social media influences our spending 69 On the big screen Movie tropes that have to stop Wellbeing 12 What is anhedonia? Did you know there's a scientific explanation behind feeling ‘men? 22 Remote connections How to settle into a new WFH job 38 Recipe for relaxation Try these home-made bath bombs 43 Atime for reflection What questions about life and wellbeing does autumn raise? 77 Living with psychosis A first-hand account reveals the realty Culture 7.Good news 11 The wellbeing wrap 37 Books that inspire 58 Things to try this monthRelationships 25 Getting the ick What could the things putting us off romantic interests be teling us? 40 Family dynamics How do they influence our ives? (Our expert answers your questions 46 Meeting milestones Michelle Elman explores feelings around turning 30 72 Put yourself in their shoes Could mentalisation help us form deeper relationships? 74 No more Mr nice guy Isit time to let people-pleasing go? Positive pointers 20 Pass it on The sharing economy may be the answer to curbing consumerism. 48 The power of colour Can colours help us find balance? 64 In case you didn't know. 80 Back again Exploring why our heart longs to retuin to familiar places Try this at home 15 Shield your empath energy 28 A lesson in micro-learning 57 Escape with a puzzle 76 Phrases to avoid. Food & health 32 Autumnal spice Keep it cosy with these healthy recipes 34 Navigating GP appointments How to get the most out of them 51 Racing heart? Learn techniques to help you reclaim control over an anxious heart 65 Eating for IBD Find a diet that works for you Expert review Every issue of Happifulis reviewed by an accredited counsellor, to ensure we deliver the highest quality content while handling topics sensitively Too often in life, we become attached to a goal that we think will bring us happiness and success, only to discover that the feeling was short-lived or unfuffiling. Check out p16 for a wonderful exploration of this concept, and how to nurture a more fulfilled life The true path is connecting with life, in each moment, and being present. Life is much more than a goal- driven existence. tis a process to be experienced and felt. RAV SEKHON BANAMBACP coc) Ravisa counselor and psychotherapist with more than experience,Happiful Community Meet the team of experts providing information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue Aan UPAC HEA Kieranis @ youth evelopment coach KATIE EDWARDS medicine practioner ana ‘embodiment coach. pol erenaeny Stephanie ia princioa Counseling psychologist speciaising in trauma. CLEMMIE OLIVER rutetonist, CHLOE GOSIEWSKI Chicaiea travel and KIERAN TOWNSEND Kati is a nutrtons, functional DR STEPHANIE OKWU Cemmieis an 80 spaciaist professional marketing coach, helping people meet their goa ) GORDON MCCRORIE SC HONSINLP Gordon isle coach speciaising nhappiness and wellbeing ANITA GOHIL-THORP civersty Coach mentor, nd JULIET HOLLINGswoRTH NScOpCnitim Jule hyp GEMMA HOLMES Gemma sa QCH ther and confidence coa NINA JELLINEK [Nina ian aut and young person's counsellor anda Counseling supervisor. Join the Happiful Expert Panel ‘Are you a wellbeing expert with valuable insight to share? Happiful professional membership includes opportunities to be featured in our award-winning magazine. Discover how to join by emailing us at professionals@happiful.com Anta iga personal career, and Our team EDITORIAL, Rebecca Tha | Eltorsi-Chief Kathryn Wheeler| Features Editor Laueen Bomiey-Bia| Etrial Assistant Bonne Eve Gifford, Kat Nichol, ‘Samenthe Redgrove-Ho9g | Senior Writers Becky Banham | Content & Marketing Officer Michele Eimar Kieran Townsend | Columists Elen Leos | Hoadof Content Natale Hotes | Sub-Etor av Sokan [Export Advisor ART DESIGN ‘AmyJean Burs | Head of Product & Markating CCharotte Noo | Creative ead Roson Mogar| hastrator ‘COMMUNICATIONS ‘Alice Greedus| PR Manager Emily Whitton | Marketing Coordinator ‘CONTRIBUTORS Tanith Carey, Caaine Butterick FronaFletoer Red Lute Cla Rosie Cappuccino, Georgina Sturmer, Nia Jetne, Noah Galenesh let Hotingswrorth Rachele Hanson, ‘enna Farmer, Matvia Pain, Katie Conibear ‘SPECIALTHANKS, Gordon MeCrore, Gorn Helmes, ‘AeitaGohl-Terp, Kate awards, Clerrie Ofer, (Georgia Stuer, O Stophanie Ok, (Choe Gosewnle, Keth Howitt MANAGEMENT ‘ir Manders | Director & Co-Founder Enna Hursey | Director & Co-Founder Paul Maundars|Drector & Co-Founder ‘SUBSCRIPTIONS For new orders and back order, vist shophappifulcom,oreall Newsstand on 244 (0)1227 277 248 or eral subenquires@newsstendcouk contac Hppitul clo Merah, Building 8 Riverside Way, Camberey, Surrey, GUIS 3YL Emallusat helio@happituicom HAPPIFUL FAMILY Helping you fir the hap you eee. Counseling Directory, ite Coach Directory, Hypnotherapy Directory Nutrlonist Resource, Therapy Diectory WORLD LAND. TRUST™ wwarbonblanedpepersomThe Uplift ‘SPORT Study finds Brits have an appetite for women’s sport From the Lionesses’ Euro 2022 victory to the London Lions’ tour de force of a season, women's sport has seen phenomenal success lately. Now, a new study by the London Lions Basketball Club reveals the exciting effect that women's sports are having on the nation, with a breathtaking 5 million Brits trying a new sport, and 4.2 million attending a women's sports game for the first time this past year. So, is it any surprise that 56% of those surveyed also believe there needs to be equal coverage of men’s and women's sports on TV? ‘That said, its not quite a slam dunk for women’s sports yet. One in five of the women surveyed reveal they've come up against discrimination or exclusion which deterred them from taking part, and one in four feel that progressing ina sport isn't realistic due to a lack of relatable role models. But the manager of the Lions’ women’s team, Vanja Gernivec, seeks to remedy this, with grassroots initiatives, such as a series of female-only basketball clinics, each aiming to inspire young girls across the country to take part in basketball. “'m really proud of the London Lions and 777 for their commitment to not only elevate women’s sport, but to invest in women, period,” Vanja commented. ‘Campaigns like these give ‘women the courage and confidence needed to break down barriers and achieve greater parity in sports. Game on! hhappitulcom | issue 78 |7HEALTH Should you be dancing for your bone health? When you think of ways to create strong bones, is your first port of call calcium? It may be our go-to, but it turns out that this isn't the only thing that can help. To raise awareness, and get us moving, the Royal Osteoporosis Society (ROS) has partnered up with experts from Scottish Ballet to bring the incredible world of dance to those with osteoporosis - and those without ~ spreading joy and promoting the importance of bone health. This partnership resulted in an innovative exercise programme called ‘Dance for Your Bones, which combines the beauty of dance with weight-bearing exercises to help enhance and sustain bone health, The accompanying film offers step- by'step instructions for a series of moderate-impact graceful and energetic ‘moments, with low-impact alternatives, that can be followed at your own pace, regardless of your ability. These exercises encourage your bones to work harder to support the body’s weight, helping to strengthen bones and slow bone loss. Sarah Leyland, clinical adviser at the ROS is thrilled about the potential impact of the programme, She says, “Our hope is that ‘Dance for Your Bones’ will motivate more people to take action to improve their bone health through physical activity, and make ita lifelong habit? Ifyou're ready to embark on a journey towards stronger bones and a healthier, happier you, head to theros.org.ukto find out more. happitulcor issue 78 9‘SUPPORT Nurse uses personal experience to support others Ifyou ever doubt that one person can make a difference, consider this Coventry University student who has been nominated for a national award in recognition of her inspirational wellbeing resources for ‘young mental health patients. Leanne Howlett retrained asa ‘mental health nurse after leaving her job asa solicitor due to postnatal depression. While on placement with RISE, Coventry and Warwickshire’s mental health service for children and ‘young people, Leanne developed a resource pack with sleep tips, grounding skills, and coping ‘WORK strategies to ease the discharge process, empowering patients to feel ready to take the next steps. ‘This move was inspired by her own experience of being discharged. "I was worried about being on my own and what was next, because I wanted that security blanket of the health practitioner,” she reflects. Going that extra mile during what can feel like an unsettling time of change for patients, Leanne actively put into practice what she'd learnt while studying, to make a change in the lives of so ‘many young people. Honouring Employers are stepping up for our mental health ‘Workplace wellbeing’ has become somewhat of a buzzphrase in recent years, as we're increasingly aware of the ways that our work lives affect our health and happiness. Now anew study from wellbeing app Headspace has found that 839% of UK employees believe that their employer is doing enough to support their mental health - increasing from 65% in 2022. Today, the marketing, media, and advertising sector boast the highest levels of satisfaction, with 92% of employees stating that their employers are supporting their mental health at work. 10 issue 78 |happifulcom But other sectors have also seen arise in satisfaction. In fact, 56% of retail employees reported fecling better about their mental health compared to last year, and 66% of construction workers said that the things on offer were ng a positive impact on their mental health, “Workplace mental health continues to be a top three business priority, with employees and CEOs experiencing frequent levels of stress due to market uncertainty and growing workplace pressures,” explains Russell Glass, CEO at Headspace. “In response, companies must not only ensure they have robust the achievement, RISE lead nurse Nicola Evans says, “The RISE Discharge Wellbeing Pack will transform daily nursing practice, Itwill support in celebrating the progress and futures of the children and young people who have accessed our service.” Making footprints for others to follow, Leanne hopes she can spur students to know they can bring about a change because of their actions. A good reminder for usall to have the courage to make a difference in the world ~ no matter how big or small. ‘mental health and wellbeing programmes in place, but that their leaders are tending to their own mental health, fostering open conversations with their ‘teams, and helping to reduce stigma in the workplace.” Let's continue the conversation, and make workplace wellbeing schemes work for us. 1wellbein TO INFINITY & BEYOND ‘There's been some welcome news in the fight against plastic pollution, as scientists from the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory in Califor, have developed a revolutionary new plastic that can be recycled an infinite amount of times! Whereas the majority oftracitional plastics cant be recycledat all and can take up to 500 years to decompose, the new material, called poly(ciketoenamine) ‘or PDK is predominantty ‘bio- based, which is what alowsit to be deconstructed and reproduced repeatedly, without impacting the ‘quality ofthe material It sounds ike it might be time to recycle the old ine ‘about hope being on the horizon. reer’ reacted fordancing, cute pet videos, EU eMC Die Ou A peut Tet range of grueling challenges Petes ca eed ea Toa) Ce ead ee eeu nats) Ce eae 2,000 push-ups in 12 hours, pee nena ares hours, helping him raise more eee ect BS g thats no joke. Did you know that having a dark sense of humour has been scientifically proven to bea sign of high intelligence? The study in Cognitive Processing revealed tht alongside a high 1G, those who found ‘Sick jokes’ the funniest also scored lower for tests ‘on aggression and low mood, So next time you laugh at something inappropriate, dont feel too ‘quit. A little laughter could be the best way to release pent-up emotions and keep you calm and, wrap ing What would be your relationship deal-breaker? Are you good at spotting red fiags, or do you mysteriously avert your gaze? In case it helps, a survey of 2,000 Brits by BonusFinder has revealed our top dating red flags, with 79% voting a lack of independence’ as the top concem. In second, 76% see warning signs when ‘a person only speaks about themselves, followed closely by 75% bothered by a date talking about their ex too much. So we can gather green fiags would be independent, interested in others, and not hung up on the past. Now you just need to find them! @ WEEKEND AWAY? Aclass act Astudy by The Social Following her own Hub has named heartbreaking experience of Copenhagen, in four miscarriages, musician Denmark, asthe best Myleene Klass has successfully European city to ‘campaigned alongside MP boost yourwellbeing, via Blake and charity thanks toitsaverage Tommy's for the government. sunshine, walking trails, to pledge better support for and low prevalence of depression, Time to pack your bags for along those who miscarry. The rules ‘could be changed, so that ‘women will no longer have Weekend jaunt? to endure three consecutive . miscarriages before receiving ‘Working hours ‘any medical intervention, and dace instead can rely on support a ing immediately upon a first renee a nteitang miscarriage. Aftercare is such 0 ee ee © _avital thing, and this historic oon = a ‘change finally shows a step in sitios the right direction in terms of Secagreatshowor _P*iortising womeris health. support for worn & sport, encouraging more people to get into the MANY WAGGY beautiful game. RETURNS How do you celebrate a milestone like turning 100? How about by hosting ‘adog parade? That's exactly what Alison Moore, from California, did for her father Robert's big day, knowing his love of furry friends but not expecting the event to ‘set quite so many tails wagging, More than 200 woofers showed up, some ‘sporting costumes, and each received a special pat from the birthday boy himsetf,What jen you are asked how you are, and you say ‘Fine’, do you ‘mean you're neither happy nor sad — just a bit ‘blah? You may not have heard of the word yet, but it turns out theresa scientific name for feeling ‘meh’ all the time: anhedonia. What is anhedonia? Derived from the Greek words for ‘without pleasure’, anhedonia isused by clinicians to describe the reduced ability to enjoy your life. Itcan surface as feelings of numbness, being ‘stuck, and as if your emotions have flatlined, For instance, you may notice things that used to make you feel good no longer do the trick. The joyful feelings you expect to hit you when you get good news, during celebrations, or go on holiday may simply not come. You might also find that senses, like taste and smell, are less intense. Anhedonia can also affect your sex life because touch, and even orgasms, don't feel as good. Another clue may be that you may no longer fee! the ‘chills’ from ‘music you love. It may even dial down your vision so the world looks more grey. 12 | Issue 78 | happitulcom is anhedonia? If you're feeling stuck in a state of ‘meh’, missing the joy in life, and you don’t know why, anhedonia might just be the answer Why haven't [heard of anhedonia before? Anhedonia was first coined by philosopher Théodule-Armand Ribot in his book The Psychology of Sentiments in 1896. Its long been recognised as a symptom of major depression, but, more recently, a growing amount of research has found that it can exist as a standalone condition in a range of forms. So, you can be functioning and ‘getting on’ with life, but without the ability to really enjoy it. What happens to your brain in anhedonia? Inanhedonia, the brain’ reward circuit, the mesolimbic reward pathway, stops working as wel To feel pleasure, dopamine needs to circulate smoothly around this circuit, which connects the regions such as the prefrontal cortex (which regulates behaviour), the amygdala (which processes incoming signals), and the nucleus accumbens (the ‘pleasure centre’. Studies investigating this have found there can be a breakdown in communication between the different imbs along the way, as seen in research by Felger et al. in Molecular Psychiatry. For instance, illnesses that trigger a strong immune response ~ like Covid, lupus, and diabetes ~can prompt inflammation in regions of the brain's reward circuit, making itmore difficult to feel pleasure. Good feelings triggered by dopamine can also be dampened by cortisol if you are under constant stress. What else can contribute to anhedonia? Lack of sleep has been found to interrupt the release of dopamine into the reward system, along with life history. People who have had chaotic, unpredictable, or ‘traumatic childhoods may learn not to trust good feelings, even when they are safe in adulthood. Plus, there's diet. Modern diets are high in sugar and preservatives, which can cause inflammation in the gut, and kill off the microbiota that help make feel-good chemicals, such as serotonin, Hormonal changes can also contribute. As oestrogen declines over the month, and over the years moving towards menopause, it can have a knock- (on effect on the production of feel-good chemicals such as,dopamine and serotonin, ‘making women feel more flat. A drop in testosterone as men age can have a similar effect. How do you know if you have anhedonia? Consider your answers tothe following statements, Ifthere are ‘more yeses than nos, think about what might be causing your ‘blah, and how to get your brain’s reward circuit back ‘online’ When asked how I am, Tofien struggle to articulate it. can’t easily remember a time recently when I really enjoyed myself. Idon’t enjoy my favourite food or music as much as I used to, When other people rave about things, Loften find it hard to join in or see what they are appreciating. eel I have to fake having. fun. Leet I'm holding myself back or distancing myself during emotional moments. [eel irritated by other people around me being too lively and having fun. I struggle to remember the last time I realy laughed. often plan my escape and think about the life I really ‘want to live. CY HANS INS 14|ssue78 |happitulcom How common is anhedonia? In surveys of people in a similar state of languishing’, an Ipsos ‘mental health report found that 21% were in this state, with millennials, age 26+, most likely to be languishing (3096). Next were Gen Z (26%), Gen X (219) and, lastly, baby boomers (1496). ‘And standalone anhedonia is becoming more prevalent too. Our brains were designed to get measured releases of dopamine to motivate us to meet our basic needs, Since convenience became the currency of modern culture, every product and service we use is designed to keep dopamine coming in deluges. But when everything is provided for you, its not surprising that this very primal pleasure system gets overloaded - and metaphorically short-circuit Over time, your reward system becomes less sensitive, and more blunted, Gradually, your brain's neurons can lose their dopamine receptors, 50 itno longer circulates as easily. The resultis that it can get harder to hit the highs, and feel excitement or real pleasure. When everything is designed to be pleasurable, nothing is. How can you address anhedonia? ‘There are lots of lifestyle tweaks you can make to improve the working of your brain's rewards system. These range from always having something in the diary to look forward to (to build up dopamine in more measured doses), to spending more time away from your phone - which constantly spikes it -to eating an antiinflammatory diet ‘to encourage the growth of microbiota that help produce serotonin, Another research-based approach is ‘behavioural activation’ The principle is that doing something you once enjoyed, no matter how small, is, always better than doing nothing, even if you don't feel the good effects right away. So, if you used to enjoy painting before you fell into blah, make a date with ‘yourself to paint alittle regularly, say twice a week, until the good feelings start to flow again. It may take time to get your reward circuits running at full capacity again - or to get your feel-good chemicals back in balance. But, by starting to make lifestyle tweaks, changing ‘your priorities, and deliberately feeding your brain more positive inputs, the small changes will gradually add up. asm ce Tanith Carey's book, ‘Feeling ‘Blah’? ‘Why Anhedonia Has Left You Joyless and How to Recapture Life's Highs’ is out now (Welbeck Balance, £16,99 hardback).Empath shielding techniques While empaths are highly compassionate people, there are times when this sensitivity to others’ emotions can become too much. In those overwhelming moments, here are four techniques to try USING CRYSTALS ‘They may not be for everyone, but crystals are believed by some to be able to absorb energy, so keeping one close could be a way to syphon off negative energy accumulated through the day. Some recommended ones include clear quartz, citrine, and amethyst. But bear in mind that crystals need to be cleansed too, which could be done through leaving them on a windowsill in moonlight while you sleep. VISUALISING This can be a helpful option, requiring nothing more than your own thoughts. Visualising is about imagining various scenarios to guide your subconscious to an end goal, and lead to relaxation or reduced stress, In this instance, as an empath, you may want to envision a protective bubble around yourself if someone is venting to you, so that you're present, but their negativity is bouncing off rather than connecting with you. It can take time to practise to feel more natural and reap the benefits, but it's well worth the effort. RELAXING One of the most effective methods to counter the emotional weight you might be carrying, or secondhand stress, can be to allow yourself the time and space to decompress and relax. This can be through whatever means appeals to you most, so listen to your body. Do you need alone-time with a good book? Do you want creativity and mindfulness by baking or crafting something? Do you want distraction and laughter with a comedy show? GROUNDING Reconnecting with yourself through nature can be a great way of re-centring, and reducing feelings of overwhelm. Take a break outside in the fresh air, and, if you can, allow your bare feet to connect with the grass or earth. Pay attention to how it feels, ‘what you can hear, and the scent in the air. Be in ‘the moment. happitulcom | issue 78 | 15TWILL BE HAPPY WHEN... Is happiness something you see waiting for you on the horizon — always slightly out of reach, something you'll get around to achieving someday? You may relate to the concept of Deferred Happiness Syndrome dream job. [will be happy when I find ‘the one’, Iwill be happy when I've finished my home renovation. I will be happy when I get a new car. Iwill be happy when I have lost enough weight. Do any of these sound familiar? Back in 2004, Australian author and public intellectual Clive Hamilton wrote a paper published by The Australian Institute on the concept of ‘Deferred Happiness Syndrome. In the introduction to the paper, he nods towards the context ofa national debate that was happening at the time: what leads to a happy life, material aspiration or intrinsic rewards? | will be happy when I get my 16| Issue 78 | happitulcom ‘writing | Kathryn Wheeler ‘The tendency to endure work that was unsatisfying in order to pursue long-term happiness (perhaps a peaceful retirement, ora promotion) was dubbed ‘Deferred Happiness Syndrome’, and almost 20 years down the line, it still feeis relevant today. Inhis paper, Clive Hamilton concludes with this thought: “Ithas been known for centuries that money does not buy happiness. It has also been known that a fulfilled life depends on feeling that we have contributed to society and to family, and that paid work is an important way of doing so. [..1 The question posed by the Deferred Happiness Syndrome jow much we are willing to sacrifice to have more asingly, many of us are turning our backs on, or becoming critical of, ‘hustle culture’ a culture that encourages us to take on more and more in order to achieve financial success, But money isnt the only area in which ‘we can see people deferring their happiness. There are ‘many scenarios where we may make choices that delay our happiness for the time being, pethaps throughout parenthood, as caregivers, and through education - or pethaps against other markers, like health goals, specific possessions, or even age.doing it differently rh happitulcom | ssue 78 17So why might we do this to ourselves? Gordon McCrorie, a life coach with an interest in happiness, has some ideas. “Itstarts with evolution,” he says. “Humans are not designed to be happy, because then we wouldn't evolve. We're designed to progress and push forward, and to do that there’s a dissatisfaction that often exists? Gordon explains how human beings get a hit of feel-good hormones when we achieve something, or move forward in some way, which reinforces our 18 Issue 78 | happitulcom ssi ie Coy eee CCoemnMitee nto) (ore ine not something that we ¢an desire to continue the pattern, and leads us to chase these smaller moments of pleasure, rather than the larger concept of ‘happiness. Returning to Clive Hamilton's example in the workplace, this could look like working towards promotion. You'll ean more money and gain higher social status and, once you've got it, ‘you might feel good for a while. ‘This is what you're ‘meant’ to do, this is progress. But, in time, that large paycheck doesn't feel so large, and the short-lived peak in good feelings fizzle out. predict inthe futu So, its on to the next thing - you'll finally be happy when... Precisely what that next goal will look like is less about biology and much more about something tly modern. “Marketing’ ‘0 highlight pain points to get us to take action to solve that particular problem, so we are bombarded by stories and images of those things,” Gordon explains, “Humans navigate the world in relation to ‘where am Lin the hierarchy? If you think about today, and the group that we are in comparison to, its Hollywood stars and people who aregenetically great in the gym. If we go back not that far, we would have had small tribes, and we could be the best at something. Whereas, now, we are comparing ourselves to people who are the best in the world ~ people who are in the 1% of the 1%.” So, not only do we have this natural inclination to always be looking to the next thing, but our culture is pointing us in the direction of what we should be chasing, And this can creep into our lives in sneaky ways. Gordon highlights the example of going to the gym. Taking care of our body isa great thing to do, and can have a real impact on our happiness, But if, after a hard day at work, you force yourself to doa hard workout because you're pursuing a particular body standard, you're driven right back into the deferred happiness mindset (you'll be happy when you can lifta certain amount, or tun a certain distance, or look a certain way). ‘When it comes to a solution to all this, similarly to Clive Hamilton, Gordon acknowledges that theres balance to be struck between finding that sense of happiness and still progressing in the ways that we need to in order to getby. “We think that we will lose our drive if we become too “zen,” Gordon reflects. “Technically, thatis true. I've been there, and that's not ideal either because you do have to make money. There's balance to be had between achieving, pursuing and working, and resting and being at peace. ‘When we dontt acknowledge that balance, we harm ourselves because we're in overdrive and we'll burn out” But what does it even mean to be happy’? “Happiness only really exists in the moment,” says Gordon. “It's not something that we can predict in the future. So, therefore, I think we start by thinking, when have I been happiest? Success needs clues.” So, how might someone begin to find happiness now? Gordon has some suggestions: + Do things that relate to your purpose. People who have a purpose will be happier. doing it differently Gordon McCrorie isa life coach ‘specialising in happiness and wellbeing. Find out more by visiting the Life Coach Directory + Learn to enjoy the process rather than the anticipation of the outcome. + Learn to live in the moment. + Atthe end of the day, look for two things you did well and praise yourself genuinely. Learning to look for the good will help you to be happier, and build a better relationship with yourself, + Create your own ‘sanctuary time’ in your week where you remove distractions and focus on doing things you really enjoy to nourish you in some ‘way, shape, or form, We will all have our own version of what this will involve, So, think about what happiness looks like for you, not what it looks like for others, or the people you see on social media. There's nothing wrong with having goals, they can be great things, and there is so much out there to achieve. But while you're working away, know that happiness is still something that you can have, right now. EY happifulcom | issue 78 | 19mas hesharinmuccon omar “iio NS Could the phrase ‘sharing is caring’ really encapsulate hese days, who hasn't | called an Uber, stayed in an Airbnb, or tried out a co-working space at some point? But, as helpful a service as they might offer, have you ever paused to contemplate what the ‘concept behind these businesses could teach us about the future of ‘consumerism? With the cost of living a constant shadow over our shoulders, along with a deeper awareness of our environmental impact and a desire for less waste, its perhaps unsurprising that people are more conscious of their spending, with a drive for owning less stuff’ and acall for more minimalist living. With that in mind, collaborative ‘consumption could offer an interesting alternative. Various companies, such as those previously mentioned, along with other big names like Vinted and Poshmark, are utilising a community feel to facilitate the sharing of services for your convenience, From ride- sharing, to re-selling, co-working and peer-to-peer lending, these businesses allow members of the public to profit from sharing what they have, while providing a service to others in need, without 20 |Issue 78 | happitulcom the future of consumerism? is the intimidating commitment of long-term costs. A great example of this is, companies opening up more flexible and remote working opportunities post-pandemic, saving money on long-term large office leases, and instead utilising hot-desking policies and co-working space memberships to give employees more freedom. Or with sites such as Borrow My Doggy connecting those with pets, who need walking or company, with people who love animals and either cant have their own, or dontt want a full-time commitment. Both examples demonstrate opportunities of sharing what we have asa community to the benefit of all involved. But you may have also seen a tise {n rental transport, with bikes and e-scooters for hire in cities, more options for renting occasionwear to avoid splashing out on something fancy you might only wear once such as with By Rotation or even Selfridges’ scheme, and apps like Too Good To Go and Olio helping to reduce food waste. The idea of sharing products, using only as needed, and focusing on community values is certainly seeping more and more into every aspect of our modern lives, perhaps in ways you weren't even conscious of, Beyond specific organisations, what we can take away from this, evolving sharing economy isthe power we all have to do good and share with our neighbours. And ‘you dont have to use an app to take part. It’s about being conscious of your choices, lending a hand to those in need, and looking for ways to contribute to those around you in a positive way. ‘A few simple ways you can take this message offline and into the world might be: Starta little library No matter how much you loved a book, there'll always be another tale calling your name from the unread pile on your bedside table. ‘Why not share the stories that captured your curiosity, and hold a place in your heart, with your community? From repurposing red telephone boxes, to brightly coloured sheds, or a handmade box, quirky Tittle libraries’ are a lovely way to connect and spread inspirational words out wide. Get tips on howto start your own at littefreelibrary.org and share a love of reading with your neighbours.IVs about being conscious of your choices, lending a hand to those in need, and looking for ways to contribute to those around you ina positive way Open up your wardrobes If the thought of more formally renting out your clothes seems a little daunting, you could establish amore open wardrobe policy with friends you trust! So, if youre always complimenting each others’ latest fit, or share a similar style, you could make the most of this and help each other save some cash by lending each other outfits for events, holidays, or just for a wardrobe refresh. positive pointers Give blood ‘Taking just one hour of your time, and with the NHS in England alone needing 5,000 donations a day, giving some of yours if you're able to really can make a huge difference and genuinely save lives. Our own blood stores will naturally replenish in time, with red blood cells replaced within four to six weeks, which is why yout required to wait at east eight weeks between donations, but tis something you can keep giving and supporting to help those with critical illnesses. Organise a food shop rota Particularly if you have any elderly or vulnerable neighbours, but equally useful for those who might be working long shifts or unsociable hours, or jugglinga household of children, having someone check in and see if you need a few things picked up from the shop could be a huge relief. ‘This could be on an ad hoc basis, or you may consider a rota for those willing to help out on the street, to share the load and align existing shopping habits. So, if someone is running low on loo roll, they know which person is doing their weekly shop, and who they should drop atext to. ‘The sharing economy might bea business construct, but it’ still all of our businesses to make the lives of those in our communities a little easier where we can. Finding ways to share and support each other in times of need could pave the ‘way for a happier, and healthier, society for the long-haul. happifulcom | issue 78 | 216 tips for settling into a new job when working remotely From dealing with virtual meetings to setting boundaries, here's how you can make a new remote job work for you tarting a new job can be stressful, and doing so ‘when it a remote role can bring added challenges. Many ‘more jobs are now either fully remote or hybrid, meaning a fair chunk of us are working from home at least part of the time. Of course, remote working can bring lots of benefits - many love ditching the commute, and having the freedom to choose roles where we arentt wedded to a geographical location. But the lack of water cooler chats and office community can be hard, especially when you're new. Here, we look at what you can do to settle into a new role while working from home, 1, GET TO KNOW YOUR COLLEAGUES Not sitting beside your colleagues can feel like a barrier when starting a new job, but there are still ways to connect remotely. “Attend any online training or other meetings that your team holds, even if they are optional,” says coach Anita Gohil-Thorp. “This will not only help you to 22 [Issue 78 | happifuicom get to know others, but it will also help you build trust and your own. reputation. Contribute, and let the team getto know you. You may well find you click with certain colleagues. Ask about ‘meeting up, whether at a Zoom chat or in-person coffee where you can, Take up the offer of any social events or in-person sessions too to help make connections. 2. COMMUNICATE WITH CONFIDENCE “Bye contact is still relevant,” says confidence coach Gemma Holmes. “Ialways encourage my clients to talk into their webcam asif the camera is the eyes of their audience. This will appear to your colleagues as if youre talking straight to them and can help with building a connection and instilling a sense of confidence” That said, its best not to stare down the lens constantly, as this can feel uncomfortable or unnatural. ‘To boost your confidence outside of meetings, Anita suggests using affirmations such as “Iam competent in my new role,’ “I excel at this task,” and “I choose to ‘move outside my comfort zone for career growth.” 3. UNDERSTAND YOUR ROLE One of the challenges of starting anew job is learning exactly what ‘your day-to-day wall look like. “To be clear about your role and responsibilities, talk to your line manager regularly so they are aware of your capacity and whether you're fulfilling tasks that support the development you want in relation to the job you applied for.” says Anita. Asking what your priorities should be can help you both get on the same page. Look back through the job description for your role to understand what's expected of you. Anita emphasises the importance of boundaries to ensure you don't work longer hours or beyond your job description too often, 4, UNDERSTAND YOUR WORKPLACE ‘Working remotely can mean it takes a little longer to understand your workplace and how peoplelike to communicate. See if your organisation provides things like diagrams that show the teams structure. “You can initiate, and maintain, conversations with current team ‘members and your line manager, suggests Anita, “Express that you are keen to integrate seamlessly, and that understanding how they like to work will help not just you but them, too. For example, you will be less likely to interrupt them if they keep 12-2pm asa time to go through emails, or if they are working in a time zone that means they are six hours ahead of yours.” 5. SHOW YOUR ENGAGEMENT “If you feel able to, keep your camera on during meetings,” advises Gemma. “If you turn your camera off, even ifitsa meeting you're not required to do ‘much talking in, itcan come across as disinterested,” she says. “Keep your camera on and remain focused on the content. You're far more likely to pick up on (1) «Mt opportunities to engage with the conversation and add value.” She also suggests being mindful of your posture ~ not just for the sake of your spine. Having an open posture can increase your sense of confidence, and shows you're interested and engaged. 6. LOOK AFTER YOUR WELLBEING Looking after yourselfis essential in any role. “If you are feeling the ‘workload is too much, consider practising how you will talkabout this with your line manager,” advises Anita, “If you are feeling demotivated, reflect on what is that is missing for you in the role.” Ifyou have a mental health condition or other health concern, *B wellbeing MEET THE EXPERTS a @ Anita Gohil-Thorp is ‘personal, career, ‘and diversity coach, ‘mentor, and trainer. Gemma Holmes isa therapist and confidence coach Find out more at the Life Coach Directory. consider letting your line manager knows, so that reasonable adjustments can be put in place, or so you can access things like counselling through ‘occupational health. Introducing simple techniques like going for a lunchtime walk, listening to music, and making time to meet with friends after work can all help, too. And ifyou're ina better mindset overall, you'll be in the best position to settle into your new venture. hhappifulcom | ssue 78 | 23GOT “THE ICK’? Exploring the phenomenon that spells dating disaster, and what relationship ‘icks’ are really all about started dating last year after I my marriage ended and, let me tell you, there was a lotto learn. From which photos to use on my dating profile, to figuring out who pays the bill on the first date, Iwas bamboozled by this new world. But one concept I didn't have to learn about was ‘the ick, because even though I'd never heard the term itself, I soon experienced it ona date, and learned that ita gut feeling you cannot ignore. My experience was with a gorgeous brunette who had a great job, interesting chat, and cool taste in music. Our first date was in a bar where we had a drink to see if we vibed. Sparks were flying, but about an hour into our conversation, I started to notice something. She looked familiar, As she took a sip of her gin and licked her lips I realised: she looked exactly like my ex- husband's sister. In that instant, any romantic feelings I had towards this beautiful woman vanished, because there was just no way I could be attracted to someone who looks like a person who I, until very recently, considered family. What is the ick? I spoke to Dr Sara Tookey, clinical psychologist and founder of True North Psychology, who explained that the ick is “a term commonly used to describe a sudden feeling of discomfort or repulsion that can arise in the early stages of a romantic relationship. It might manifest as finding small habits or behaviours unattractive, or feeling a general aversion towards the person.” Itcould be something about their appearance, such as choosing to wear a tracksuit to dinner or having really long nails, On the other hand, it could be something that you feel crosses a boundary, such as being too touchy-feely, or asking extremely personal questions too early on. Whatever the ick, it’s something that tends to turn you off and make you cringe. “If you notice a significant shift in your feelings towards someone, where you feel repelled or consistently bothered by their presence or actions,” says Dr Tookey, “it could be a sign that you've caught the ick.”Why do we get the ick? The interesting thing about icks is that they can be an opportunity to learn a lot about yourself. Jacques Lacan's mirror theory says that the things we dislike in a partner are things that need attention within ourselves. For example, if you get the {ck because your love interest speaks too loudly in public, it may highlight that you despise that same trait in yourself, even 26 |1ssue 78 | happifulcom ifyoure not conscious of it. The inverse can also be true: you may have a deep-rooted fear of being the centre of attention, and this, ick is an invitation to address your tendency to be quiet, instead of expressing yourself authentically. ‘When we dig deeper, the icks you have can tell you a lot about your capacity to even be ina relationship. According to Dr Tookey, “The ick can sometimes bea sign of unresolved personal issues, unmet needs, or fears about intimacy and vulnerability” Dealing with icks It's common for icks to appear when the shine of a new romance ‘wears off. Something that may have seemed ike acute quik i in the beginning becomes an irritation, and the more irritable you become, the more icks appear, and so the spiral continues, But you dont have to write someone off immediately because ofan ick. Its worth being patient and seeing how things play out, because you may have found something ick-worthy for entirely separate reasons, such as work stress, lack of sleep, or perhaps you were just having a bad day. ‘When the ick is smalland seemingly insignificant, it can be tempting to brush it under the rug. But bringing tto light either inyour journal, with friends, a therapist, or with your partner can be enough to dismantle the ick, and move forward positively. Self-reflection It’s normal to get the ick now and again, after all, you're only human and can't possibly click with every person you date, However, if you notice a pattern of getting the ickThe ick can sometimes be a sign of unresolved personal issues, unmet needs, or fears about intimacy and vulnerabsility” with every connection, it may bea sign that you've formed the habit as a way to distance yourself from getting into a committed relationship. Look back on your dating history. Do you have a list of very specific flaws about every person you've been involved with? Did these icks appear as soon as you hit a relationship milestone, e.g. at the one-year mark, or when you became ‘official? ‘The hard question to ask here is: what is this ick really about? And is it triggering something in me that needs attention? It’s worth pondering, also, whether you have unconsciously chosen to set the bar so high for your potential partner that, realistically, no one could ever make the grade. Using perfectionism as a defence mechanism is normal, and unpicking this can lead to self growth and happy relationships. Dr Tookey says self-reflection is key. “Examining your beliefs about intimacy, past relationships, and fears related to vulnerability can provide insights into whether the ickis actingas.a barrier to deeper emotional connections. Engaging in therapy, particularly focusing on interpersonal relationships, can help explore these patterns and develop strategies to overcome term relationship icks? There's no doubt that getting the ickwhen you're in the early stages ‘What about long: relationships of dating is way easier to deal with than ina long-term relationship. Afterall, the whole point of dating is to get to know each other and find out if you're compatible, But, if you've been ina committed partnership with someone for years, getting the ick can be unnerving. It doesn't necessarily mean things are over, and how you approach the situation will be unique to your own experience and circumstances. “It crucial to differentiate between temporary phases of discontent ment that can be addressed, and deeper, persistent issues,” says Dr Tookey. “Open and honest communication is essential in discussing your feelings and concerns. Exploring the source of the discomfort, seeking couples therapy, or individual therapy, can help to identify and work through underlying issues.” So, instead of ending your relationship straight offthe bat, use icks as an opportunity to nurture yourself first. Then make an informed choice about how to ‘move forward, with or without your partner. Fiona Fletcher Reid isa freelance writer and author, whose book, “Work It Out, is available now (Welbeck Balance, £9.99). Visit {fionalikestoblog.com for more. hhappifulcom | ssue 78 | 27A mini guide to micro-learning Rather than mindless scrolling, why not treat yourself to some mindful learning instead? Miro le it's all too easy to get caught up in eyeles of procrastinating, reaching for your phoneto scroll social ‘media whenever you have a spare ‘moment just to fill the time, there is another option that could still give ‘you a break while also providing a bite-sized brain boost! Micro-learning is all about broadening your skillset, with ‘mini lessons at your leisure. While this might not be best for complex subjects, it'.a means of filling up your cup of knowledge a litle bit ata time, without itbecoming overwhelming or time-consuming. It actually believed that this approach of short bursts of learning could even improve your retention, as you can focus on the key pieces of information, rather than trying to recall huge volumes of facts, or decipher the essentials from an encyclopedia on the subject. Intrigued? Here's a mini guide on howto get started: 1. Pick a topic or subject that you want to learn. This could be anything from a new language, to practical activities like 28 | Issue 78 | happifulcom howto draws, or knitting, or simply a subject you'd like to discover more about - such as astronomy, mythology, or a sport. 2. Define your goal. Create some motivation by focusing on what you want to achieve, complete, or gain by fulfilling this learning. Knowing what you're working towards can help keep you on track when its tempting to fall back into old habits. 3. Decide your method of learning. Consider how you best retain information, or what would be ‘most engaging for you. Ifyou want to learn on the go, you might want a podcast you can dip in and out of at convenient times. Like rewards or tracking progress? Perhaps there's an app for you, ingo for learning ral learner? Search for YouTube videos on your subject matter, or a TiKTok series. Or, if you want to get away from screens, you could carry a book with you for opportune moments. 4. Create the habi You might want to schedule in time each day to devote to this specifically, popping it in your calendar with a reminder notification - particularly helpful for practical activities. Or, perhaps its about habit stacking and deciding to pair your learning with going for a walk, doing the washing up, or cooking dinner, Alternatively, it could be consciously swapping scrolling time for learning, implementing ‘time restrictions on certain apps, or when you get the impulse to pick up your phone, using that as a promptto learn, 5, Reflect on your progress. ‘What works best for you? This could be a tracker to see your commitment, regular check-ins, progress pictures or recordings, or self-reflection upon reaching ‘your goal! When you take note of the progress you're making, you might just surprise and inspire yourself further. 1doing it differently A story of sobriety 18 months down the line from making the decision to go sober, mental health advocate and podcaster Luke Clark shares the highs and lows, along with his words of wisdom for anyone else who is sober curious can pinpoint the exact moment when I swigged my last alcoholic beverage. ‘And think most sober people do, as we find solace in counting the number of days, weeks, months, and years since we made that massive choice. Because every day is a huge achievement. My turning point came around Christmas in 2020. Still mentally recovering from a traumatic experience the previous year, 1 found myself drowning my emotions in shots, pints, and cocktails during a night out with friends. I wanted to escape the pain I was feeling. A few drinks too many, and the night spiralled out of control. I ended up passed out in a doorway, causing my wife to worry and search for me ina state of distress. This wasnt the first time something like this, had happened, but it had to be the last. On reflection, itbecame clear that my poor mental health and alcohol - on top of the anti-depressants Iwas taking at the time - were not a good mix, Deciding to go sober was a decision that had been brewing within me for quite some time, I had attempted to give up drinking before, after blacking out, but it never stuck. The appeal of pints at the pub, sharing a bottle of wine with takeout, or necking the unlimited booze on all-inclusive holidays made it seem almost impossible to give up. In the past, Iwas doing it for others, not for ‘myself, and I imagine that's why it failed. But, the morning after my last booze fest made me realise that really needed to prioritise my ‘mental health and wellbeing. Alcohol was not helping, and it was time to make a genuine change ~ for me, sober terrified me, especially ina society where drinking is deeply ingrained in every social interaction. “Fancy going for a pint?” was a regular phrase from mates on WhatsApp. And at that point, I knew just one other person who didn't drink, Overcoming this fear was one of the most significant early struggles, particularly for someone like me who also battles social anxiety. I won't sugarcoat it- it was tough, and incredibly awkward, But embracing sobriety isa journey you must own, You're making that choice for a reason, so hold onto those reasons, and remember why you made that decision in the first place. Picturing myself slumped ina doorway, vulnerable and motionless while my wife tried lifting my dead weight into the passenger seat of our Nissan happitulcor | Issue 78 | 28&: “The next morning, as I woke up without a hangover, I felt like a winner § Juke always springs to mind, 1 After a while (and dont want to put myself or her this really surprised through that ever again. I don't me) I found a whole want to put myself in that much _load of other people danger ever again. that had made that A few months down the line same decision, And from committing to sober by finding those living, I began to realise that people, youcan build asupport _to the coping mechanisms I I didn't need alcohol to have network around yourself. 1 learned in counselling (such as fun or connect with others. sought out and connected with 47-8breathing, and the 5-4-3-2- Surprisingly, I found that I others who were also on the 1 grounding exercise using my could be more present and path to sobriety through support _ senses), and leaned on those engaged in conversations when _—_groups and online communities. _around me who I knew would I wasn't under the influence. Discovering that I wasnt alone make me feel at ease. In times And for the first time in my in my struggles was a game- like these, it’ good to surround life, [ was fully in control of changer. And being able to yourself with people who ‘my thoughts and actions. Itfelt _share experiences, offering and understand and support what really good. receiving support, and knowing _—_you're doing. As I grew more comfortable that others understood what I ‘The next morning, as I woke inmynewskin, I ventured into was goingthrough madea world —_—_up without a hangover, I felt exploring new hobbies and of difference. like a winner, Knowing that activities that brought genuine But my firstreal challenge was Thad got through my first joy and fulfilment into my life. yettocome: my brother-in-laws ever wedding sober filled me [tried indoor bouldering, wild wedding, My first sober wedding. _ with pride. Oh, and talking swimming has becomea partof _Surrounded by intoxicated to drunk people can be quite my weekly routine, and I even people, I couldn't help but feel entertaining. That night I went to my first solo music gig uneasy. It seemed like everyone _ discovered a whole trove of sober. Pre-sober Luke would ‘was raising their glasses, having _ family secrets and rumours! have never even dreamed of a greattime, and I realy felt like ‘Today, I'm 18 months sober. doing those things. Iwas missing out, But Istuck ‘And I can honestly say that its 20 | Issue 78 | happtuicomone of the best decisions I've ever made, My mental health has seen a massive turnaround, and I feel so much more in control of my emotions and actions, I feel so proud. But as a society, we still have a lot of learning to do and discussions to have to dismantle the stigmas that surround choosing to go alcohol-free. You don't need to do shot after shot of tequila with your friends to have a good time. And it doesn't make you more fun being the one draining that pint at a party with people around you chanting “Down it, down it”, Going sober doesn't make you boring. But it does save you a ton of money, stops you from those awful hangovers, and allows you to remember what happened the night before. Ifyou've tried giving up alcohol before, couldn't, or experienced a relapse, don't be too hard on yourself. Its not an easy path, but do keep trying because the positives far outweigh the negatives. Choosing a sober lifestyle has transformed my life. I's been a journey of self-discovery, allowing me to confront my struggles head-on, and develop healthier ways of coping with the anxiety and depression I've suffered with for more than 15 years, My mental health has never been better. Ifyoure reading this and are sober curious, or are at the beginning of your journey, why not give it a go? There will be doing it differently It’s not an easy path, but the positives far outweigh the negatives many challenges along the way, but you've got absolutely nothing to lose - and so much to gain. 0 Luke Clark is an award-winning mental health podcaster and the host of “The Stress Sessions’, Follow him on Instagram @stresssessions hhappitulcom | Issue 78 | 31All treats, Acomforting but deliciously spiced recipe that is perfect for autumn ith that autumnal feelin the air and the nights drawing in, there's a natural inclination to seek out foods that are more ‘comforting. This is instinctive; just like the seasons, our bodies follow a cyclical pattern too, While we thrive on lighter foods during the warmth of the summer months, we have different nutritional needs as the weather cools down, Itsimportantto honour these natural cycles. There's a good reason you don't feel like eating cold salad on a wet, windy October day! The key isto treat your body with nutrient-rich foods that feel satisfying, as well as provide the nourishment your cells are craving, This naturally curbs the temptation for the false treats that, while fun at the time, can leave you feeling worse afterwards. This tasty flapjack recipe hits the spot on both counts. It's so delicious and comforting, you 32 |Isue 78 | happitulcorn wouldn't know it’s free from gluten, dairy, and refined sugar, plus it’s super easy to make for a crowd. The ideal Halloween treat ~ in the truest sense! Gingernut flapjacks Serves 12 Ingredients 60g hazelnuts 60g almonds 150g rolled gluten-free oats 50g dried unsweetened cranberries/mulberries/raisins 2tsp baking powder tsp ground ginger 1 tsp cinnamon 2em fresh ginger Sdates 75g coconut oil 3 tbsp maple syrup Method Preheat the oven to 160°C. Chop the hazelnuts and almonds, and place into a large bowl with the oats, dried fruit, baking powder, ground ginger, and cinnamon. Remove the skin from the fresh ginger and grate. Add to the lange bowl, Mix until well combined. Remove the stone from the dates and chop roughly. Add them tothe bowl, Inasmall pan, gently heat the coconut oil before adding the maple syrup. Mix ‘well and remove from the heat. Combine with the dry ingredients. Line a 20x20em baking tin with baking paper. Spoon in the mixture, pressing it into the edges. Bake for approximately 25-30 ‘mins until golden brown around the edges. Leave to cool. Remove from the tin and cut into 12 equal squares. Serve immediately, or pack away ahead of time. ‘They keep in the fridge fora few days.food & health The healthy bit Ginger and cinnamon are spices that encourage contentment and ignite your inner glow. Ginger ‘fires up’ your metabolism, and helps soothe digestive issues, such as indigestion, bloating, and nausea. Cinnamon is nature's blood-sugar balancer. While naturally sweet tasting, itactually improves insulin sensitivity and prevents blood sugar spikes - one of the leading causes of hormone imbalance. ‘The hazelnuts and almonds are tasty sources of plant-based protein that help to offset the naturally occurring sugars, and keep energy levels stable. They are rich, vitamin E (great for nourishing parched skin), and contain ‘magnesium, a calming mineral. Similarly, coconut oil has been shown to support mental wellbeing and enhance mood. It also supports healthy immune function, reduces inflammation, improves memory, and encourages healthy hormone balance. Due to its high smoke point, its a good option for baking, Finally, oats contain beta-glucans, a soluble fibre that strengthens immunity and supports healthy digestion. They provide a steady, slow-release source of fuel for your body to help avoid the blood sugar crash that’ all too common after traditional sugary snacks, making these flapjacks all treat and no tricks for your health this season! Katie Fawards isa registered nutritionist, functional ‘medicine practitioner and embodiment coach, Find out more on her profile at the Nutritionist Resource. happituicom | Issue 78 | 33TIPS FOR GETTING THE MOST OUT OF GP APPOINTMENTS Long waiting times and competition for appointments can amp up the stress before you reach the surgery. Here, we're exploring tips for staying calm, and getting the most out of your appointment oo ettinga GP appointment triggers or emerging patterns that __ fears and memories that are G [can be a challenge in you notice. triggered, and advises focusing itself at the moment ItSonly natural to want to know on staying present. Validate dueto demand, so its becoming more aboutyour situation inthe _yourself using statements ‘more essential than ever to run-up to your appointment, such as: ‘It's understandable make the most ofit, and ensure _buttake care to use reputable to be anxious about seeing that you leave the consultation and compassionate sources. If someone nev? And, ‘My health with your needs met. Given you have to waita long time to is important, so it's valid to feel that appointments may already _get an appointment, try gentle concerned about getting my be anxiety-provoking due to distractions or self-soothing to needs met? their possibly sensitive nature, calm any health anxiety that Sitting in a waiting room or this desire to maximise every arises. As counsellor Georgina being poised by the phone can moment can add another layer of Sturmer advises, “If youre be especially unsettling, so it pressure. With thisin mind, here _catastrophising about the may be useful to use relaxation are five tips that can help you get outcome of your visit, tryto notice _ techniques. Some options include the most out of a consultation, when this happens, and see ifyou _solving puzzles, breathing while taking care of your can ‘catch the catastrophe’” exercises such as ‘five finger wellbeing at the same time. breathing, or a mindfulness 2. GROUND AND practice (such as noticing all the 1. BE PREPARED VALIDATE colours in the room). It's helpful Make alist of what's troubling Itsunderstandable to be anxious to practise ahead of time so you you ahead of time. Not only will about GP appointments for a are comfortable doing these this be a helpful aide-memoire whole host of reasons. Pethaps techniques on the day. ifyou become overwhelmed ‘you haven't been able to book in during the appointment, but the with your usual doctor, havehad = 3. REMEMBER, THE act of writing may clarify what along wait foran appointment, GP HAS SEEN IT ALL. you want to share with the doctor. or need to discuss something BEFORE If your symptoms have been personal that you've never talked Stay mindful that a doctor is not present for a while, make a log about before. there to be judgmental, but to of what you experience, when, Georgina explains that our guide you towards better health and for how long, aswell as any _anxiety is often tied up in old in an impartial manner. If you're 34 Issue 78 | nappifuicomfeeling embarrassed, try to speak openly by remembering that doctors are highly trained, and will have seen patients with similar difficulties before. Georgina recommends telling the doctor if you're feeling anxious so they can help you to feel more comfortable. 4. TAKE YOUR TIME, YOUR NEEDS MATTER! With the ever-growing awareness of how busy doctors are, itcan be easy to feel like you have to rush through the consultation. Not only does this make appointments feel unduly stressful, but it can lead to skipping over important aspects of your experience, or not fully absorbing what the doctor is telling you. This may be especially true during remote consultations, where body language is not present or less visible. Regardless of the time, it's essential to remember that your needs matter. GPs require a full picture of your situation, and they want to make sure each patient leaves with their concerns addressed and questions answered. If you feel under pressure, become flustered or forgetful, use phrases like ‘Can Ihave a moment please?’ Or, 'I just need second to check my notes. Remember, you deserve to take up space! If you are feeling undeserving then Georgina suggests asking yourself, ‘What would you tell a friend if they were feeling anxious about seeing. a doctor because they didnt feel worthy?” MAKE A LOG O| EXPERIENCE, FOR HOW LONG, AS WELL ANY TRIGGERS OR EMERGI' PATTERNS THAT YOU NOTICE Make notes during the consultation so that you can review key information later. If the GP is making a referral, find out when and how you will be contacted, and set a reminder to follow up if needed. Similarly, ifyou have been prescribed medication or given a treatment plan, ask how long it will be before you feel the impact, and what to do ifitisn't working, Dont be afraid to go back and ask for more help if you are still struggling. Above all, remember that your health is the most important thing you have, and it deserves to be looked after. I hhappifulcom | ssue 78 | 35Ready to transform your wellbeing? When you're ready to take the first step, Happiful is by your side, Use our guided search tool to find the right person for you e Hypnotherapy Complementary BUT cy (1) Visit happiful.com to start your journey Search for professional help at happifulcom. The Happiful family of wellbeing directories are Counseling Directory, Hypnotherapy Directory, Nutritionist Resource, Life Coach Directory, and Therapy Directory. Professionals and ‘organisations listed are individually verified and approved by our team to mest our directory policy requirements.Happiful ; reads... From a sustainable travel handbook to a memoir about embracing differences, here are four books to add to your reading list this month Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird in the days that we are struggling, sometimes all we need is a friend to help us to feel more like ourselves again, And what better friend is there to help us through these challenging times than mental health advocate Matilda Heindow? Inher book The Art of Feeling Better, the talented illustrator uses tools from her own mental health. Must reads Fascinated by animals and how they interact with the world around them? Within the pages of this extraordinary book, you will unlock the mysteries of how tthe animal kingdom truly experiences our planet through a tapestry of sights, sounds, textures, smells, and tastes. experiences to help you become the friend that you deserve in times of need. Afterall, no one knows your mind better than you. ‘With more than 50 informative illustrations and pages packed Go Lightly: How to Travel Without Hurting the Planet by Nina Karnikowski & The world is such a magnificent place to explore, but how can we discover it without causing harm? This travel handbook is your gateway to conscious exploration, revealing the greatest of tools to help you discover the globe while ‘reading lightly, from choosing the less impactful methods of travel to eco-friendly activities. The Art of Feeling Better: How I Heal ‘My Mental Health (And You Gan Too) by Matilda Heindow Art of ae Crit with practical advice, Matilda's hope is that this toolkit will leave you feeling inspired, empowered, and validated. 2 Not AllHeroes sc, Wear Capes by Jono Lancaster Jono was born with Treacher Collins Syndrome —a rare, genetic condition that affects how the face develops. In his moving memoir, Jono reveals how he found self-worth and self-love in his differences, and draws on his personal experiences to help you embrace your own and find the hero within. [1 happitulcom | Issue 78 [37We hate to burst the luxurious bubble, but creating your own bath bombs is a lot more simple than it sounds. Ready for some fun crafting? It’s time to soak it in icture this: the gentle lapping of water filling the tub, steam rising and dancing in the light of candles flickering, You take a bath bomb, and feel the powder crumble slightly in your fingers, before the fizzing erupts and bubbles are unleashed as it descends beneath the surface. ‘The soothing aromas combine and create a heavenly scent, as you slip into the warmth of the ‘water, and feel your muscles immediately relax. It'sa divine daydream, but the art of bathing goes further than providing an opportunity for some tranquil self-care, as it’s been scientifically proven 38 | Issue 78 |happifulcom to support our wellbeing too. For example, a study from the University of Freiburg, in Germany, found that a 30-minute soak in a 40°C bath provided ‘a mood boost for participants with depression, Researchers went even further to conclude that regular baths could be more effective at addressing depression than aerobic exercise. Plus, for those who struggle with sleep, the warm water could help set your body temperature up for a good night’s rest, soothing muscles and helping to release some stress before you tum in as well. One way to level up your bath game is by enchanting your various senses through adding abath bomb! And making your own at home provides a mindful and fun crafting activity during the day, with the added reward of getting to enjoy the results with an indulgent soak at night. Tempted to give it a whirl? Top tip! Want to show someone you truly care? The thought and effort put into homemade gifts is unparalleled, so perhaps you could create a special bath bomb or bundle for someone you love.You will need: + 100g bicarbonate of soda + 25g comflour + 50g citric acid + 2tbsp of oil (sunflower, olive, or coconut) + 1/4tsp essential oil + Liquid food colouring Optional: + Eco-friendly cosmetic glitter + Dried flowers (e.g. rose petals, lavender, or camomile) + Spray bottle (optional) + Moulds (can buy online, or use muffin baking trays, or round ice cube moulds) Method 1. Mix the dry ingredients and citric acid together in a bowl, and whisk until combined. 2. Add your oils and food colouring of choice into a separate bowl, and mix together. Liquid food colouring will work better, as gel could get clumpy! 3. Gradually add your coloured oil mix into the main mixing bowl, whisking well. If you ‘want an extra bit of pizzazz, include your cosmetic glitter here so it’s mixed through, 4. Once all the ingredients are added, you'll want to add a few drops of water to help turn wellbeing your mixture into almost a dough so it holds its shape. You can just add water drops directly, or you may find a spray bottle helpful as you work it into a ball. Use your hands to create the desired round bath bomb shape, ensuring you don't get it too wet in the process. . If you want to add any petals, now is the time to include them. Pop them into the bottom of your mould (could be a makeshift one mentioned previously) and add your mixture on top, patting it down so it's firm. With muffin cases, most will create half spheres that you ‘can combine when set, 50 be sure to smooth the flat surface as much as possible so they're easier to connect if that's your plan, Ifyou don't have a mould option, you could just leave your hand-shaped ones on. a baking tray, lined with parchment paper, and press decorative elements on the top. Your shape might not be quite a perfect sphere, but its uniqueness will still be beautiful. >. Allow your bath bombs to dry out for up to 4 hours in cool, dry space, before carefully removing them from the moulds. Then, enjoy a luxurious soak at your leisure! [1 hhappifulcom | ssue 78 | 39