MUTUAL ADMIRATION

Scripture Reading

I liken you, my darling, to a mare

among Pharaoh’s chariot horses.
Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings,
your neck with strings of jewels.
We will make you earrings of gold,
studded with silver.

While the king was at his table,

my perfume spread its fragrance.
My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
resting between my breasts.
My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
from the vineyards of En Gedi.

How beautiful you are, my darling!

Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes are doves.

How handsome you are, my beloved!

Oh, how charming!
And our bed is verdant.
The beams of our house are cedars;
our rafters are firs.

Song of Songs 1:9-17

DUETS
1
Back in 2018, a movie called A Star is Born was released. It’s a story about an
accomplished country music singer by the name Jack who discovers and falls in
love with a talented but struggling singer by the name Ally. Jack sees Ally
performing in a back-alley bar and is amazed by her and they become romantically
involved. It’s a good movie, a tragic love story with really great music. One of my
favourite songs from the movie is called, SHALLOW. It’s a beautiful DUET with
Jack, played by Bradley Cooper, and Ally, played by Lady Gaga. It’s a song about
two people telling each other about their need to dive into things that are much
deeper than surface things. It’s a beautiful DUET and I want to play it for us today.
[CUE VIDEO]

We’re continuing our sermon series in the Song of Songs and today we’re in week
3 of an 11-week series through this strange and wonderful book called the greatest
of all Songs, the Song of Songs. In Hebrew, whenever you get a doubling of two
words it’s a way of emphasising or amplifying that word or idea. So similar to the
way the Bible speaks about the Holy of Holies as the Most Holy Place, the Song of
Songs is the Song above all Songs, similar to saying the King of all kings, or the
Lord of all lords. It’s the greatest of all songs.

We’re diving into the last 9 verses of chapter 1. After hearing the initiating voice of
the WOMAN in verses 2-8, we hear for the first time the voice of the MAN,
singing HIS love song for his lover friend. I’ve titled this sermon, “Mutual
Admiration,” because as you’ll see in this section of the Song, we’re drawn into a
DUET OF PRAISE that SWELLS and CRESCENDOS as these two lovers
ADMIRE the BEAUTY and STRENGTH of the other. It’s a beautiful text where
you can sense the LOVE and ADMIRATION they have for one another, even if the
language and images seem foreign to modern readers.

BEHOLDING BEAUTY

I liken you, my darling, to a mare

among Pharaoh’s chariot horses.
Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings,
your neck with strings of jewels.

2
Here we hear the MAN’S VOICE for the FIRST TIME. He’s heard his lover call
out to him, calling for him to come quickly, to come and KISS me with the KISSES
of your lips, this LONGING to be CLOSE and INTIMATE with her beloved. She
knows that she’s DARKENED by the SCORCHING SUN, forced to labour in a
vineyard not her own and has all the markings of someone who would naturally
question if she’s WORTHY OF LOVE. Yet, she calls out to her beloved, “Why
should I be like a veiled woman? Why should I be unseen, unknown, unloved? Why
must I stand here at a distance? Come to me my beloved. Come to me!” Her
INITIATIVE TURNS HIS HEAD. He’s STUNNED by HER BEAUTY and
SPEAKS,

I liken you, my darling, to a MARE

among Pharaoh’s chariot horses.
Your CHEEKS are beautiful with EARRINGS,
your NECK with strings of JEWELS.

Now, before we go on any further, it’s important to acknowledge that many of the
images and metaphors used in the Song of Songs may seem a little FOREIGN to us
modern readers. Here in this text, other than the image of the woman’s NECK being
adorned with a string of JEWELS, the images may get lost in translation. First the
man likens her to a FEMALE HORSE and then he says her CHEEKS are beautiful
with EARRINGS. It’s a STRANGE IMAGE isn’t it, unless THIS IS YOUR IDEA
OF BEAUTY. “Your face is like a horse and your cheek piercings are a thing of
beauty.” Ok, maybe for the horse lovers or the body mod lovers among us, this
might be appealing, but really, are we to read these images literally? Of course not.
Yes, these are the physical features of a woman that a man finds beautiful, but the
point of the Song of Songs is not about casting some universal standard of beauty
that’s supposed to fit for all people at all times. Beauty standards change over
time. What one generation says is beautiful, the next will say is ugly and what one
says is ugly the next will say it’s beautiful. Beauty is truly in the eye of the one
beholding it and the reality is, our definition of what is beautiful, not only changes
over time, but is always bound by the specifics of the culture we live in. It’s
important to remember this when reading the Song of Songs, because even though
you may find it hard to connect with all the images and metaphors, there’s a
tenderness and joy and delight we can still appreciate in this text. And really, the
point of all of these images is to celebrate the beauty and strength of the one your
eyes are captivated by. This has nothing to do with beauty standards, and everything
3
to do with a man ADMIRING the BEAUTY and STRENGTH of his beloved. It’s
her STRENGTH and BEAUTY that COMPELS him to SPEAK.

The KEY PHRASE here is in verse 9 when the man likens his love to a MARE
among the Pharaoh's chariots horses. The context for this image comes from a
common MILITARY STRATEGY of sending a female horse in heat to run among
the male horses pulling chariots. The PURPOSE was to cause all the male horses to
STOP pulling their chariots in formation and START running wild after the mare.
So the image being used here is an expression of the man’s sheer delight in his
lover’s BEAUTY and STRENGTH, a beauty that causes him to STOP in his tracks,
STOP whatever he’s doing, and RUN WILD after his beloved. Her’s is a LOVE
that has the POWER to END WARS. “You make me lay down arms and run wild
after you.”
Strong language, isn’t it?

It’s language that matches the strength of the one he loves. You see, nowhere in
the man’s description of his beloved is there a reference to the woman being the
weaker sex. She’s a MIGHTY MARE running with the strength of WAR
HORSES, in verse 9. She’s like a BEAM of CEDAR that holds up the structures
of their house, their temple garden, in verse 17. She’s BEAUTIFUL, yes, delicate
like a cluster of flowers, but she’s STRONG and COMPETENT, able to withstand
the STRESS of the HOME their LOVE BUILT.

The woman who is praised is STRONG and BEAUTIFUL. We can see this in
another KEY WORD in this passage. The man calls her RA’YAH which means
FRIEND or COMPANION or COMRADE. The picture here is of EQUAL
PARTNERSHIP, SIDE by SIDE, labouring and working TOGETHER. Seeing the
SAME TRUTH. Having the SAME VISION. Pursuing the SAME GOAL. Here we
have an ECHO of another Hebrew word used in Genesis 2:18 to describe the
woman, when God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a
HELPER suitable for him.” The Hebrew word for HELPER is EZER and was
never intended to be a statement about subordination but of INTIMATE
ALLIANCE, an ESSENTIAL PARTNER in life and service for God. In fact, other
than this reference, the word “HELPER” is only ever used to describe God as my
HELPER, meaning without the women, the man can do nothing.

So what we have here is a man, beholding the strength and beauty of his dearly
4
beloved, admiring her, celebrating her, praising her. She is his most intimate ally,
trustworthy, dependable, worthy of praise and oh is she so beautiful. The erotic
love expressed in this poem is also firmly grounded in strong and sturdy
friendship.

This is one of the great themes of the Song of Songs. Unlike some romantic stories
that only celebrate the erotic side of human love and intimacy, the Song of Songs
implicitly asserts that EROTIC LOVE is never fully complete if there isn’t
FRIENDSHIP LOVE as well. Healthy intimate relationships will always have both
EROS love and PHILEO love. A MARRIAGE where the HUSBAND and WIFE
are both LOVERS and FRIENDS is the GOLD STANDARD in my humble
opinion. So if you want a THRIVING ROMANCE then make sure to build it upon
a STRONG and ROBUST FRIENDSHIP.
[Ask a volunteer couple to help me with a VISUAL ILLUSTRATION of what it
means to be INTIMATE ALLIES. Illustrate the FACE-to-FACE nature of being
LOVERS. Illustrate the SIDE-by-SIDE nature of being FRIENDS. Illustrate the
BACK-to-BACK nature of ALLIES]

ECHOING PRAISE

Now the key to becoming STRONG INTIMATE ALLIES, is to first MINIMISE,

as much as you can, the FREQUENCY and INTENSITY of FRIENDLY FIRE we
experience in a relationship. What I mean by that is our natural propensity to point
out all the negative character traits in our partner. It’s one of the occupational
hazards of intimate relationships. The CLOSER two people get to one another, the
more sides of the other person they see, sides that become ANNOYANCES,
THORNS in the side of the flesh. What FIRST ATTRACTED you to your beloved,
can easily become the things that FRUSTRATE you the most as the years go by,
and if you can’t find a way to communicate those GRIEVANCES in a HEALTHY
way, then whatever LOVE you may have had at the BEGINNING will quickly DIE
on the altar of BITTERNESS, RESENTMENT and CONTEMPT.

So if you want a STRONG INTIMATE ALLY in front of you and beside you,
you’ll need to put into practise consistent, honest, heartfelt praise and
appreciation for your LOVER and FRIEND. This is not to say that we’re never to
say anything critical or negative to our partner. Of course not, as the Proverbs says,
Wounds from a friend can be trusted but an enemy multiplies kisses, meaning a
5
true friend is able to share feedback with you that’s in your best interest, even if it
hurts, while an enemy is only about empty flattery. So of course, being an
INTIMATE ALLY means telling each other HARD THINGS, things that we don’t
always want to hear, BUT if the Song of Songs are teaching us anything today, it’s
teaching us to PRACTISE MUTUAL PRAISE and ADORATION of your lover
and friend. It’s about beholding the other, celebrating who they are and marvelling
at how God has made her fearfully and wonderfully.

How beautiful you are, my darling!

Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes are doves.
How handsome you are, my beloved!
Oh, how charming!
And our bed is verdant.
The beams of our house are cedars;
our rafters are firs.
Song of Songs 1:15-17

Here we have a DUET OF PRAISE swelling to a crescendo, with the TWO

LOVERS ECHOING PRAISE and ADORATION of the OTHER. “How
beautiful you are my sweetheart, my love, my intimate friend. Oh, how beautiful
you are! Your eyes are like doves, communicating love with every gaze.” “How
handsome you are, my lover, my beloved, my greatest treasure. Oh, how charming,
how delightful, how pleasing you are! Our bed is like lush foliage, a canopy of
vibrant life, a garden of delight.” Here we have both lovers EQUALLY
EXPRESSING their admiration of the other. It’s not just the MAN chasing a
WOMAN who’s playing hard to get or a WOMAN trying to get the attention of a
MAN who’s not interested. No, this is the MUTUAL ADMIRATION that comes
FREELY from each of them as they BEHOLD the beauty and glory of the other.
This isn’t a portrait of 50-50 but of each giving 100% for the other.

You see, MUTUAL PRAISE is essential to the FLOURISHING of LIFE. Like the
sunlight that causes a little green shoot to grow, so too the PRACTICE of PRAISE
causes LOVE to FLOURISH and HOMES to be STRENGTHENED. Which is why
we see in verse 16 and 17 language full of GARDEN TEMPLE IMAGERY. “Our
BED is a lush GREEN GARDEN, with stunning CEDAR BEAMS stretching high
above us holding up RAFTERS built with beautiful EVERGREEN TREES.” The
6
blurring of OUTDOOR and INDOOR language points to both the GARDEN and
the TEMPLE and PRESENCE of our LIFE GIVING GOD.
Praise increases the flourishing of life. So, learn to Practise the Life Giving Power
of Praise whether you're in a romantic relationship or not, whether you're married or
not. Practise it with your spouse, with your children, with your friends and with
your family. Practise it with your colleagues, with your congregation and in your
community. Practice praise wherever you go, because where there is praise there
will be life.

And to that end, I want to humbly suggest 4 RULES to practise when we’re giving
praise. The FIRST RULE is to “Focus on the good qualities you see in others.”
This requires us to pay attention to the people closest to us, to take a few moments
and ponder this person in front of you. Take notice of the good things they do.
Shine a light on the positive contributions they make. Celebrate the victories they
have. Pay attention to the joy you feel when you see the person in front of you do
something good and make sure to let them know. This leads to the SECOND RULE
of praise, which is to make sure we “Base our praise in reality.” The worst thing
to do is offer empty flattery and wishful thinking on our part. It does no one any
good if we aren’t giving praise to the things that we actually see with our eyes and
wholeheartedly believe to be true. Praise needs to be based on the truth otherwise
it’s simply empty words. So acknowledge the good things that people actually do,
the honourable things, the noble things, the praiseworthy things that people do,
however great or small. And if you can’t find anything concrete to point to, then
point to the fact that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. This leads to the
THIRD RULE of praise and that’s to “Express appreciation freely and with
variety. Don’t hold back. If you see it, say it. Offer it freely without being asked
and offer it with variety, in whatever form you can, whether it be through words of
encouragement, or a pat on the back, with a gift of appreciation or with the gift of
service. And when it’s all said and done, make sure to put the FOURTH RULE into
practice, which is to “Repeat as often as you can.”

ENHANCING GLORY

Now, the last thing I want to say about this text is that there’s a sense that all of this
mutual admiration is intended to INCREASE the STRENGTH and BEAUTY of the
two lovers. In verse 11, we get the sense that the man commits himself to
enhancing his lover’s beauty. “We will make you earrings of gold studded with
7
silver.” He sees the beauty of his beloved’s face and neck adorned with jewellery
and using the royal “WE,” he commits to making more jewellery to give her,
earrings made of gold and studded with silver.

Now, of course, this is about more than making jewellery or buying more things to
give as gifts to his beloved. It’s about making his beloved more beautiful than she
already is. It’s about enhancing her beauty, enhancing her glory. And if we’re to
also read the Song of Songs as a parable about the love of CHRIST for his
BRIDE, the church, then what we have here is Christ our bridegroom who loves us
the church, who gave himself up for us to make us his people more beautiful, more
holy, and more radiant, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemishes, as the
Apostle Paul says in Ephesians 5. The picture here is of God INCREASING his
GLORY in us, making us more beautiful as we BEHOLD the beauty of CHRIST.

The history of interpretation has always read the Song of Songs with multiple layers
of meaning. On one level we have two lovers delighting in the love of one another,
but on another level, we have the love of God and his people on full display. One of
the examples of this is how verse 13 is sometimes read.

My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh

resting between my breasts.
Song of Songs 1:13

On one level it's about a sachet fragrant myrrh hanging like a necklace around her
neck, dangling close to her heart, wafting in her nose as a reminder of her beloved.

On another level it points to Christ. Myrrh was used as burial spice, oil to anoint a
dead body before it goes into the grave, and so historically the church has read this
our need to keep Christ Crucified at the heart of our life and witness.

Some have even pushed this allegorical reading to its limits to suggest that the two
breasts of the woman represent the Two Testaments of the Bible, the old and the
new and Christ, who is the sachet of myrrh, is nestled at the center of the story,
holding both together, fulfilling the old and beginning the new.

8
However, you choose to read the Song of Songs, the image is quite clear and
evocative and always pointing to someone greater. We are to treasure our beloved,
holding him close to our hearts, remembering his self-emptying love, delighting in
the fragrance of this good news, longing for his coming again.

And if we’re to hold to that reading, let us all be transformed in the way the Apostle
Paul speaks of in 2 Corinthians 3, And we all, who with unveiled faces
contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-
increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. - 2 Corinthians
3:18.