How I Found God Again

Beatrice-Virginia Tuhari
Translated from Romanian: Monica Becheriu

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 Contents

The translator’s word

The Glory of Light
Introduction
Chapter 1 “The laws of thought are the laws of the Universe”
Chapter 2 “And all you will ask for, is going to be given to you if you pray for it”(Matthew 20:22)
Chapter 3 Talking to my grandparents
Chapter 4 Messages from the Light Beings
Chapter 5 Following God
Chapter 6 “If you can believe, everything is possible for the one who believes.” (Marcus 9:24)
Chapter 7 Saying “Good- bye”

The translator’s word

Once I finished reading this book, I immediately felt the need to read it again. Only when I read it
twice, I realized it was a real awakening for my soul. In fact, I read it several times and every time I found
out new things. Beatrice taught me, as a friend and as a writer that the beginning can be very difficult if
the light does not guide you and you do not always have faith.
The book helped me FIND GOD AGAIN and I am sure many people, who let their spiritual gates
wide open, will feel that, too. Here is my translation of the book in English, together with my most sincere
thanks to the writer.
May all the Light and Love of the Universe be always with her! Her book showed me the right
way in life.
With infinite love and admiration.
Monica Becheriu

The Glory of Light

Nothing can be more elevating than glorifying the light. This is what “my sister in Light”-
Beatrice-Virginia Tuhari did when she wrote the lines you are going to read after this Foreword.
When I started to read the manuscript of this book called ”How I found God again”-the first steps
of the author on the way of her spiritual wakening and her becoming conscious of it-I should be honest
about that, after the first pages I was almost regretting my promise to write an Introduction for it. It
seemed to me like an intimate and valuable family diary.
Nevertheless, after the first chapter, I felt the author’s vibrational change, a gradual one and why
should not I admit, my own vibrational transformation. In that way, I was able to revise my patience and
start reading the entire manuscript. Reading, I began to feel the writer’s frame of mind, a real crescendo, a
frequency that changed in the same time with the steps she made climbing a “Golgotha” in a personal and
karmic way. That is the feeling the readers also have to perceive and they do, without even trying.
When I felt that frame of mind very deeply, I had already been covered and impregnated with the
holiness of her meetings with the Light Beings, who marked very deeply the places of worship where the
author had made pilgrimages and where those spirits had lived once. The mark of high and sacred
vibration of those spirits is transposed now in what she had written with so much devotion and candid
sincerity, about the Light Beings who had let their relics on Earth, in order to help people who want to
rise spiritually, to get closer to the Father of Lights.
It is wonderful that the author managed to conquer again the Fortress of Inner Light, who opened
for her the gates of all possibilities, here on Earth and also on a subtle-metaphysical level, getting the key
of wonders, the key we call FAITH, FAITH IN GOD. When this key is given to us, all fulfillments bring
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Light and Inner Peace to our soul, reinforcing and completing the fact that we always have to kneel and
pray to get FAITH by the WILL of HOLY FATHER.
Reading this book, I also lived, in the same time with the writer, the meetings with the Light
Beings. Although I have not arrived to the relics of Saint Martyr Parascheva yet, through this book I had
the opportunity of contacting the Saint in a vibrational way, to visualize her and to find out that over her
sacred relics there is always the Image of The Holy Virgin, who cries and cries and her tears touch the
sacred relics, offering them the power of transmitting the Divine Desire. I had been profoundly moved by
what I saw and I understood that the author is indeed chosen by the Divinity to spread Light from Light.
The author, Beatrice-Virginia Tuhari also helped me feel and visualize Julie Hasdeu and then I
accompanied the writer to the sacred places, living with her the meeting with the vibrations of that land
and the High Light Beings who had lived there 2000 years ago. I saw the Descent of the Divine Light in
the Holy Home in Jerusalem and I had many other feelings and visualizations because of the high
vibrations. Saint Archangel Gabriel had let his own Light Being to be seen by me with the help of this
vibration inoculated in his book.
When I finished reading the book, my soul was full of vivid Light and true joy. I deeply regretted
the thoughts I imagined at the beginning.
I want to ask the readers to have patience and to start this book like entering into a church, piously
and patiently and to attend the whole vibrational ceremony, to pass easier than I did over the first steps of
the author made to the Divine Light, because we all have an introductory period or state, from nothing to
Light and Faith.
This book can also be called ”Confession”, because it really is a confession in front of God, the
One that is in every of us, through the divine spark hidden inside.
We have to realize we have in front of us a new divine author-messenger, who passed a few
limits, the most difficult ones to fight with and to outrun. She is on a certain way on the stair that goes
Home to Our Divine Father. The path is still very long and where she is now is a level for resting a little
and then, new steps are to be made and they need infinite efforts.
Beatrice-Virginia Tuhari will discover the next steps when she is prepared to, as if she had
discovered the first one. When you have the code, the key and the trust that you can do it and the calling
of Light are your guides and when you let yourself guided by your inner side, then nothing is difficult to
get. We are the perfect creation; we do not need any kind of machine to cross the sky. Our creator is
Unique and the persons who find Him have an opened way back Home and the author of this book has it,
too.
I am happy for the showing up of this Light, which is under the covert of this book, through which
The Divine Light works and manifests.
Welcome on Golgotha, Beatrice-Virginia! Be welcome and blessed forever! The Light may
always be with you!
Melfior Ra
Deva, 23.08.2000

My dear readers,
Since I was born, I have always liked to write and the desire to leave something behind was
always there, in my soul. Maybe this is the proper time to put my thoughts to work, hoping that everyone
who reads will borrow some of my experience, a bit of knowledge.
Here is the time when my inside sends me the message to get to work. I wish to write all that I
think, the steps that I made on the way to my spiritual evolution, my experiences.
I have always run away from banalities, plagiarism, and ridiculous literature. There are people
who write for the money, others for the glory, but most of them do it in order to express their feelings,
emotions, knowing that by words they can transmit thoughts.
The title of the book came suddenly into my ears and I only take it from the one that sent it to me.

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 The mission I was endowed with is not easy and I
know that I have not been chosen at random.
The idea that - in world we live in, nothing is by
mistake – is verified day by day. It may sound like
advertising, but it is so true!
If you will enjoy and you will have patience, you
will find out “How I found God again” and surely, some
of you will rediscover yourselves in the pages of the book.

Why do I offer you a rose, my dear readers?

BECAUSE THE ROSE MEANS LOVE…

The most beautiful explanation given to the purity

of the rose is the fact that it symbolizes spiritual love.
Therefore, master Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov says:
“Generally, the person who sees a flower
observes its appearance: the shape, the color, its
perfume; he doesn’t ask himself what region does it come from, what creatures made it, what can it
teach us.
Let’s take the example of the rose... what we call a rose is the body of an entity that lives far
away, very high...
Creatures and objects of the visible world will allow the one who is capable to work with the
power of mind-- to enter into a relation-ship with spiritual entities that they correspond to, in a
material manner. Let us take gold, for example, it is a condensation of the sunlight; if you take an
object in your hand, you can touch the entities that live in the sun. In the same way, breathing, in a
conscious way, the essence of a rose, watching it, touching it petals, you will get in contact with the
entities of the spiritual love, and your love will be purified, ennobled”.

Chapter 1
“The laws of thought are the laws of the Universe”

I have discovered this notes after my grandmother’s death, a wonderful grandmother who raised
me with great love and affection
As a good being, wise and brilliant, a great teacher who taught generations of pupils in the region
of Neamt, Paraschiva Iliescu (1902-1991) is the one who introduces us in the “Laws of Mentalism”.
These can be notes from a book or originals, conceived by her, but we cannot know for
sure...Because they are very old and because the persons who were preoccupied with the problems of the
spirit were very a few, I considered the writing these notes as a duty. Please, consider the whole chapter
as a big quotation.
From up there, my good and my kinder Picuta, is a valuable spiritual guide for me. I wish you to
enjoy them and to taste the old nuances of the language, but mostly to understand the wisdom of the notes
However, through mentalism we are reaching another step on the way of spiritual knowledge.

1. What is the mentalism?

The mentalism is the base of all knowledge. It is the base of all intelligence, of every progress:
physical, social, mental, spiritual, scientific, artistic or technical, it is the cause of every happiness or
unhappiness, health or disease, victory or failure.
The powers of the human being can be truly magic; the power that the human mind has over its
body, is now superior to a virus of illness; if man can be over his disease (which is proven) then who can
doubt that he will be a master over the powers of nature? Human Being has three powerful faculties:
reflection, energy and will.
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 Reflection is the intelligence from a part of the brain, to be used by the mind; it contains the
judgment, deep feelings, various feelings and unknown feelings.
Ethereal energy is the power that appears in the brain, helped by reflection and it is the force that
makes the thoughts to pass from the cerebral corpuscle to their destination.
Will is the operative and guiding system. It transmits and guides reflection to the main points. It is
such a great power that neither the matter, nor the distance can stop its communication
Reflection moves the atoms in the sky; they meet the body and in this way giving birth to waves
of thought in the atmosphere.
A bad reflection on a glorifying one, sent by someone, through will, is a power that cannot be lost
in the mass of words, sounds and vibrations; it goes straight to the human being it was sent to, in his favor
or against him. These kinds of reflections hit the person with a power that can harm him or be good for
him. The impression of the mind is so powerful that you will better see with the eyes of the mind rather
than of the body.
A weak reflection produces also a weak transmission, but strong thoughts move the atoms from
the space more intensely. That is why a reflection from the brain of a person travels over all obstacles,
until one or many brains receive it, those being in harmony with the sending spirit. To control this
precious power, which is consumed very often without reason, the will must control and guide it fully. In
this way, vapors and electricity are useful agents to fulfill human being’s desires; but they are far to be as
useful as mentalism, because without reflection nobody could have ever become master over this power.
The senses unguided by will travel in all directions and may touch the ones that they are not even directed
to.
Uncontrolled reflections are very dangerous. The will determines one degree of influence over
other people; the superiority of individual over all powers is only one to his spirit. When the will gets
enough power to be able to take the decisions, all by itself, then you can concentrate to attract the
thoughts and opinions of other spirits.
There is a great truth. It says that we cannot feel or know what do not exist, but we have this
power to perceive it. The knowledge is called telepathy and that shows another faculty than the five
senses used in it. Reflections that cannot be born or compared by human experiences are called
imagination. These reflections are sent to a person through mentalism, are not original, nor imagined, they
are real and a part of the big intelligence and we perceive parts of this intelligence.
Others had used before the Reflection that we think, and others will think them again after we die,
after our little sun is down.
Mentalism is opposite to matter and surpasses every space; it is the highest type of power whose
mysteries have been called:
Nature, Life, Spirit, Soul, God.
The mentalism is:
-the source of every intelligence, and of every physical, social, mental, spiritual, scientifically,
artistically or mechanical progress;
-the cause of any happiness or unhappiness;
-the cause of health and illness;
-the cause of success and failure.
Reflection must be the base of every human activity. Human body possesses all the features of
moving matter, adding the highest form, which is the intelligence.

2. What is the use of mentalism?

Three big things govern human being’s life: personnel reflections, others' reflections and circumstances.
The power or mentalism over the physical texture is proved and the remedy that gives this result is the
power of reflection and a strong will.
All people are made from the same material and are governed by the same law. The oppositions
and physical features that are different in every individual–are only the result of the influence produced
by his own thoughts, as the thoughts of the ones he is related to. The human being is what he thinks. The
personality of a person can be also seen on the body.
The individual, who had a dirty life, full of mean and immoral thoughts, cannot hide these signs.

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 As long as the human being does not try to change it, he will remain the slave of others (or of
circumstances). Every individual must get his mental force going, in orders to avoid others influence that
rules them and their career.
Reflections are to be touched and if they are good, they can be useful for the humanity. If
everybody thought well, everybody would live in happiness and the harm would be swept away.
If vibrations of love are send away, these will come back and be very kind to you.
It is a nice thing to be in harmony with others, but it is much better for your feelings to be
controlled by the brain, in the same manner or with the same vibrations. We are in a continuous
communication with the ones that are like us. Reflection moves the atoms in the space, they come around
the body and they form vibrations or waves of thinking.
Anyone can get all the information he needs to fulfill his plans, but nobody should allow the
reflections of others to come over his own.
Everyone should be capable to choose and decide all by himself, because otherwise he might be
forced to accomplish someone else’s ideas, even opposed to his own ideas. We talk about the influence of
other ideas that we must filter through our own.
The reason I am much attached to this science is that I believe men and women are gods through
their mental, spiritual and physical powers. In this moment, when you read these lines, your life is in
mental contact with mine. If there is a part of this work that you do not understand, you will learn it from
me by concentration. Follow instructions as much as you can, and you will be very close to me. The
reflections I use are a part of me:
After you practice, you will be very easy to communicate with me through mentalism. It is as if
you would call me by the phone. Do not forget that the distance is not an obstacle!
The vibrations of my thoughts are all around the world. You cannot be far away from them! If you
vibrations are not good, then I shall send you my best reflections instead!

3. Solitude and concentration

In solitude and silence, the saint soul progresses with quick steps and learns the hidden meanings
of Divinity. The meaning of solitude must be valued, because all great deeds were born in isolation and in
the same place the great personalities appeared.
Why did the solitude in the countryside give birth to so many great personalities? Because life in
the countryside is calm and solitary and this is the way reflection and the personality of a human being is
formed. These people were not just simple parrots imitating others; they had a special life through their
reflections, instead of being ruled by others (by their reflections)
All good counsels are stimulated in a wise solitude and by reflection, thinking. Let us take Newton
for example, who studied his problems an away from the crowd and there he got all his inspiration and
knowledge; Edison also had a solitary life and many others did the same.
In St Mark’s Gospel, it is said: “In the morning, once with the raise of the sun, he woke up and
went into a lonely place and there he prayed (to God)”. Spending some time in the society of others is
good, but you should not do it very often. In the same way, you must not abuse of solitude, because any
abuse is a bad thing. Man must see his friends, to listen and understand their opinions but to spend at least
an hour thinking and watching he thinking for many hours.
Concentration will perfect his mind quicker than any other method.
We should teach our children to think! We must state the value of good reflections and the bad
effect of the evil ones; this fact must not be neglected!
If the mind needs concentration for a little moment, even for the things that are not of major
importance, it (the mind) will need concentration when we have a big problem.
By meditation in solitude, man will be able to use mentalism; under his immediate control, he will
be capable to end something he thought he could not end by himself. He will get this result through the
power of concentration in solitude. He has to run away from noise, to look for the quietness of this room,
where he can rest his body and he can focus his thoughts on one thing that he wants to fulfill.
In solitude, the man shouts at his own nature: “I am a master over myself! I have all the power and
control over myself, I am on the right way with the help of You, Holly God!”

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 Conjuring up the power of creation, man asks for a piece of it. A pray is cleaner when it is made in
solitude. Jesus is the thought of man like an open book he knew, he felt; he shared joys and pains of the
world. The waves of thinking, produced through the pray, can get to the dying man and give him a new
hope, stimulate the beating of the heart and move the wheels of life.
In these circumstances, we should know very well that every function of our body is subjected to
the spirit and it is our duty to learn every function to be subjected to our desires.
The truest example is in friendship and pure love. Happiness and harmony will always exist
between two spirits that understand one another. Through concentration and reflection our life changes,
we begin to feel and understand.
When you want to send or receive a communication, you have to sit in a comfortable chair. Keep
your head right in order not to interrupt the circulation of the blood to the brain, and then close your eyes
for a few moments to rest. After that, focus your eyes on a small object not far than 1 meter and a half,
then start thinking to the subject that you want to know about, or to the person you want to influence or to
communicate with. In this proper condition, you can send mental vibrations that arrive in the brain of the
great people that are in harmony with your reflections.
In this way, you stimulate their research and in the end, by mentalism, you will get the results you
want. After sending away reflections, from a quarter to half an hour, you must let your brain in a passive
mood and you must be put out of tune, so as the new thoughts to come easy as they show up.
In this manner, the spirits of great people will send to you the distinct thoughts that will be
successful for you.
You may have a notebook close to you, so that to write new ideas, as they came along the line of
thoughts. That is how the ideas and plans of a work show up. You only need at least an hour meditating,
preferably in the evening, before sleep.
When the will discipline the brain enough to remove the confusing thoughts, when you could be
able to keep your eyes and reflection focused on the aim you follow, only then you are going to be totally
concentrated and you will use your mentalism fully, being sure you will be victorious.
Here it is an experiment:
A person is given a pack of cards and he is turned with the face to the wall; another person--the
receiver of the communication--is given a chair turned in the opposite direction, and his eyes are covered.
He (the second person) will be given a pen and a paper to note the mental communication that is
receiving. The first person will take a card from the pack and he will concentrate the reflection upon the
color and number of the card. He keeps only a card in his hand. The second person will note the
communication received in the mental way. After few trials, the communications will be increasingly
exact.
As soon as the mental organization of the two persons is in harmony, they are able to use coins
instead, or isolated words, short phrases, and later--longer communications.
The distance cannot be considered an obstacle in sending reflections between two harmonized
spirits and accorded to the same wavelength.

4. How can we form and control the personality and destiny through mentalism

Man is the highest product of the animal kingdom. Physically, man is the superior type of life that
populates the earth. To the human being, the organic functions of material reach the most complete
developing, but what is more important in man’s life is his mental features. Without the guidance of
divine power, of soul or of spirit, man would not be more than an animal. People are very different.
Heredity is still very important in the people’s life, but the influences of medium and of mentalism
had the power to change it.
If all the people think the same, they, will be very much alike and they will work in the same way.
Mentalism gives man every physical feature or mental feature or rules, in this way, the entire creature.
Man cannot escape from this dominant power, that is all around him!
Mentalism is the inside power that operates in man without asking. It is an unseen power that
planes and guides life, and decides the destiny.
The form is like the spirit. The reflections indicate the nature of man, so, man is the slave of
thoughts and by using them he creates a destiny. The personality and destiny of man are made through the

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union of his own reflection and the reflections all around him. Man is a free element, capable to form his
personality and destiny, he can choose good influences, well used, but he can let himself be dominated by
evil reflections from the lower space, too.
The features of personality, the talent of a child are the results of the parents’ reflections. The
mentalism of the parents forms the embryo of the children’s personality. Everything has a cause. Nothing
existed and can exit without being first created by reflection. Where there is no reflection, there is no
plan, no model to serve as a guidebook.
Nobody can work without having a mental model as a guide. Any thing is the achievement of a
mental command of man.
Reflection is before any action. Our medium is the result of the reflections of the people around
us. Reflection enlightens and transforms the material. Our circle is a vivid view, an expression of the
thoughts we have in mind.
The society we live in must influence our reflections more and less. The thought of the persons we
are in a relationship with, has a great influence on the pattern of our personality and talent, which are
together making our fate. When we are not successful in life it is because the mental influence of the ones
we are with, is not favorable. Therefore, we have to associate with persons that are kind and nice and we
will get the victory by becoming masters on our destinies.
When we are not close to the model that we need, then we have to search, through mentalism,
further and to enlist the spirit of people that are in harmony with us. Every man is a free element. Testing
his will all the time, he can form unique life, being the master of his fate. The spirit works on spirit. That
is why it is very important to learn how to speak in our mind and all intelligence that ever lived--will be
with us.

5. What is the genius?

It is sure that in the constitution of the genius exists an overfull filled development of intelligence and a
faculty to understand and see things that others cannot perceive or receive. The genius is an expert
because he is dedicated to a single reflection, but in other subjects, his knowledge is limited. The most
important thing is to know where does the genius receive this special science from and how. The law of
mentalism will solve this mystery. It is good to know that every effect has a cause.
The Law of mentalism is the law that guides any intelligence. Every mental organization is
accorded to a certain tone, to a certain wave length, and every spirit of every tone or wave length respond
immediately to others, as the tone responds to another tone.
The genius man is the one whose mental organization is accorded in the same tone with the tone
of other people, great people who live or had lived on earth, devoting themselves to the same thought,
word or art.
Therefore, the genius only has to have the desire to obtain all the intelligence that these great
people dispose of, because strong thoughts are and will always be immortal. The genius uses mentalism
without knowing it, in his hours of concentration and he is a thinker. In this way, he gets the knowledge
from the high spirits; he uses them only as a go-between, but only his qualities opened the road to get the
science elaborated by the others.
Those people’s reflections entered their brain, without any other science that the one of
concentration and thinking.
Let us give all the attention to the reflections that come to us in the hours of solitarily
concentration! That is how we shall discover that every day we enrich our knowledge that we considered
impossible to get before! Let us continue believing and we shall get the victory!
The motto is: ”Courage, Insistence, Decision!”
We should not forget that the world opens its way only to the people who were persistent and
remained like that in their work and activity!

6. The illness and its remedy through mentalism

Those who suffer of a mental or physical illness, true or imagined, can be quickly cured, following
the advices conscientiously. Any disease can be removed through mentalism. Firstly, you should stop

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being worried, because this is like maintaining a fire with a high blaze. When people are preoccupied
about many things they call up the thoughts of others that are having the same problems.
After you decide firmly the position to send away the cause of you worries, the first thing you do
is to try re-establishing the reflections, to think healthy thoughts, encouraging and generous.
Everybody can improve the health through the power of will. Many infirmities or deficiencies can
be guided or cured. Man must not let himself be overwhelmed by fatality. Through a sustained effort of
will, he can get a sturdy health, sending away the disordering thoughts. The power that man has over his
own body is superior to any virus or disease.
The harming reflections can be governed by placing a permanent obstacle before them. The brain
will be filled up with good and healthy thoughts and the annoying ones will stop hurting, even if they still
exist. Every man is ruled by thoughts, but he has to save the good ones about health, gratitude, and more
than that, he has to mentally command to the blood from his body to circulate with all its forces, in order
to remove the dead texture and which poison the vivid corpuscles of the body.
Man can and must order his organs to fulfill their natural functions and to get together all the
necessary materials to build healthy textures.
When people worry very much, they attract other person’s reflections that are worried, too.
The power of this deep and bad mentalism always enriches until the spirit is so overwhelmed that
it cannot be able to face to daily improvements of the body. After you have decided your firm position to
remove the cause of these circumstances, the first thing to do is to guide your thoughts to recovering, to
think healthy thoughts, encouraging, generous and those should fill up every moment in your life.
If man has a firm faith in the power to order, then all these will be solved. If man does not own
these secret forces, because he did not preoccupy with this important problem in his life, then he will
create them using self-control, through which man forms an indispensable system of life. In these
conditions, it is to be known that every function of the body is much subjected to the spirit. It is our duty
to teach our every faculty to be under the rule of our desires.
As a man does everything he wants in the house, everything he believes to be good or necessary
and as everyone there agrees to his plans, in the same way man uses the faculties he is endowed with and
that have to be governed by him so as to get the needed target. To help nature remove disease, one has to
eat with measure, to sleep enough during the night, to move daily without spending the power and not to
be incapable of regaining the forces by sleeping. Firm will to control the attitude towards food must be
governed, corrected. "Many years but also good years!” The food influences our physical and psychical
state of the body. The energy is also given by food.
If your spirit has continuous lines of interesting reflections and encouraging, in short time you will
stop being in harmony with the thoughts of others who are worried and sick.
When you are able to do that, you will be in harmony with the people whose spirits are full of
hope and gratitude. The mental influence of these people will contribute to the forming of the happiness
of your soul and you will get health and power. All the conditions that tend to bring the happiness of the
spirit are the best remedies for the illness.
As soon as you start ordering the body to remove the disease and build up new textures, healthy
ones, you will discover that avoiding it, you will be weak and the mental energy will not be vigorous and
its action will be rare and with no continuity. Then, you will be helped by endowed persons (with strong
will and masters over their spirit). These persons should understand and apply mentalism, to know the
situation you are involved in and to feel interest and affection for you. The conscience of the person who
is helping has to be good and honest.

7. Every day advises

Do not try to do too many things in the same time. This is the place where failure
starts!
To breathe means to live! To breathe deeply means to live more and even better!
Optimism brings sun, light, happiness; the friendship of optimist people is a true
condenser of energy. Pessimists are never happy or pleased with anything; we have to run

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away from all those because they maintain a contagious atmosphere of discouragement and
sadness.
If you are deprived of trust, you will be able to believe that others' opinions value
more than yours. To put this opinions above your own and to use them in such circumstances,
that would be a misfortune, not only for the plans you are making, but also for the
development of will and of individuality of your personality.
Through harmony, everything that is alike is going to be together. Do not forget that
the harm can change in good and vice-versa.
The mental power is over the material one. The world is guided by reflection.
The power of will is to demonstrate until what point mentalism or circumstances will
have the faculty to govern a man.
The cure of any disease is not the medicine, but the reflection guided by a strong
will.
The difference between the build and the physical features of every man is only the
finding of influence produced by his own thoughts, or the thoughts of those involved in a
relationship with him.
With the help of mentalism, everybody will be capable to obtain all the information
needed, in order to use it to be victorious in his plans, but nobody should allow someone else
to impose his reflections or opinions
Everyone should be able to choose and to decide by himself, free to accomplish his
own ideas, not others even if that is against him. This is about the influence of others and they
should be filtered through our own conscience and reflections.

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 Chapter 2
“And all you will ask for, is going to be given to you if you pray for it”
(Matthew 20:22)

I shall start like Ion Creanga, the greatest Romanian storyteller, because I myself also ”stay and
remember the times and people that had existed in our regions”, places that are very closely related to the
land of Neamt.
I am not trying to compare myself with the famous narrator, but I know there is the influence of
the native town, an influence that marks your life and manner of being. For me, the sun in Neamt shines
more intense, the sky is even bluer and all the land is so dear to me! I can see that the nostalgia about my
native place came over me suddenly, without even mentioning its name. It is the old citadel Petrodava,
Piatra-Neamt. I shall try not to be boring with the description of the place I was raised in, because my self
would start working on his own, easily describing the image of my native place. I wish you know that this
"home" is the best place for every person.
There have been 40 years since I successfully entered the field of life; at least I think they were
full of success.
I spent my childhood at the foot of Pietricica Mountain and my grandmother raised me. I am not
allowed to avoid dedicating this book to her, because I "learned how to speak from her", as Creanga said,
and I drank from the spring of her vivid wisdom. Moreover, it is not only that. She was a wonderful
teacher, together with my grandfather-they raised up many generations of children; they were called the
Mister and the Madam, and that seems to be all... I used to call my grandmother Picuta. They all loved her
and as the years passed away, when she retired, they all came to see her (neighbors, old students, friends,
people she met all her life as a teacher). For every one of them she had a good word, a wise word, and a
smile. I was so amazed when I saw that everybody loved her. It is a moral duty for me to write these lines,
because my good and kind Picuta gave me a part of her soul, even if I found that out only after she died.
Even now, I am guided by her, from where she is, and I know that she is happy to see my literary (more
or less) attempt.
When I write these limes, I have in mind the image of an evening – home – with my grandparents.
Picuta used to loose her long hair and before sleep, she started her prayers. As a child, I was amazed,
watching her with big eyes. In fact, there were not many prayers, just the regular, evening ones, but for
me it was surprising that she knew so many.
The little girl (myself) used to modestly say the "Little Angel". I remember that once I did not
sleep all night long in order to see my angel coming. Picuta told me that the angel comes every night to
take care of me in my sleep, enters through the corner of the room and I, with a crazy curiosity, wanted
very much to see it, although I was sure it exists. In the morning, angry I had fallen asleep without seeing
it, my grandfather – whom I believed entirely – encouraged me that my Angel was there, that he was the
one who had seen it. I know now that my angel, everybody's angel, is always there where it is needed and
I have in mind its image from the childhood – because I am sure I saw and felt it, more than just once.
The purity of your age (when you are a child) makes you more sensitive regarding the unseen world; you
only have to stop doubting. What a great thing to always remain pure!
Sometimes I asked my grandparents: "Where is God?" All children ask such questions and most
of them receive the same answer: "In the sky". Nevertheless, how can you imagine God sitting on the
clouds, how can you imagine His look? These are the questions that will always worry a child's mind and
will involuntary estrange him from God.
For a child, God is too far, too big, too old (an old man with white hair and beard sitting on
clouds) and especially hard to touch. I do not think that the person who gives such an answer to his child
can see the effect; otherwise, God would be described, as everybody perceives Him.
I do not really remember my first meeting with the Church. There are images that cross my mind
from time to time.
The Holy Virgin Church was the closest to the Hope Street where we used to live. I see a naughty
girl; in the middle of the old women wearing head kerchiefs and I remember that those women were not
so nervous when seeing an eager child--as women are today.

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 Now I wonder: "Why do the change of malicious looks and direct (not delicate) words take place
between children and the old persons-especially into a Church? The old persons, who come in the House
of Lord to search for peace and silence, are not capable to be kind and loving with the young ones, and
they push them or force them to do things they hate. It is so difficult to remember that you were once a
child, too, even if you are at the end of your life?"
I feel the atmosphere in the Church in our times. The same soured faces like when I was a child
tell you: "Shut up!” "Stop moving!” "Take your hands out of your pockets!” or even worse, they push you
saying: "Under knees!"
The smiling little children twist an ugly face as a reply. In addition, more than this, the "religious"
education extends over teenagers and even young adults, in the same brutal way. Nothing changed in the
dispute between young and old people. It is a pity that it happens like that! Instead of living harmonious
moments and peaceful ones, you are increasingly nervous by the time the religious education is applied
with force.
When your memory is full with such scenes, it is difficult to pass over the fence they had created,
over the negative programme, which works in you without asking. Only time and will are able to dissolve
these obstructions, but the environment also contributes to their strengthening or scattering. I think this is
the proper time for me to address a kindly request to those that recognized themselves in my descriptions,
persons that have a good heart and a strong faith, asking them not to forget the Savior's words: "Let the
children come to me!" Let them come to the Church and do not send them away with your criticism, your
angry looks and your tough and severe impulses! Faith must be favored at children since they are very
small, with patience and love, otherwise they will be parts of the generation disfigured by the syndrome:
"Thinking one thing, but doing another". Those 50 years of communism had maltreated too many souls!
It is time to fight for the change inside us, and the change to be reflected in our outside, too!
Now I remember the face of a little girl who deserves to be extolled@@ for her maturity and
wisdom. Since not very long ago, we got used to go to a new church. Here I have met a little human
being, of 5 years old, who takes part in all the service, without being a torture for her or for the others
around her. Serious and profound, the girl lives the ritual, being a moral support for the adults and for her
father, one of the priests. You might say that the education is the cause of this serious attitude, but I must
contradict you. This girl has only 5 years old; others at her age do not even speak correctly and coherent.
It is about the inner structure! The child is a model even for the adults that move chaotically and speak
with the others, and if we change the roles just for a while, she may show them that they are incapable of
respecting the ritual. They use to do that with the other children or teenagers... Do you see that it can
happen in a different manner? So, remember, "You shouldn't do something that you hate to be done to
you!" This is my message for the believers who came to church convinced of their faith or not.
Forgive this long parenthesis, but I felt like emphasizing the fact that is necessary for us, as a
national entity, to strengthen our faith and to teach our children to do so, without removing them from
God, through some exaggerate manners of teaching.
However, let me come back to my childhood. After my first meeting with the Little Angel and the
Church, I remember with emotions an event that meant a lot to me. I think it was a day of prayer for the
dead persons when my good Picuta showed me that I could feel how I could help them (the dead ones).
We all know that alms that we shared for the dead persons' souls can help them where they are,
but the one that helps them in reality is our thought, not the food, the vessels, the clothes.
For many times I asked my grandmother to tell me about her first born little boy – George Emil –
who came on earth just for 10 days. When I remember him I can't stop the tears from falling, because I
know that soul needs a lot of loving up there. Picuta remembered this first born and I received a small,
white pot full of dainties – for his soul. I cannot describe the happiness, the importance, and my
seriousness... All these feelings meant something unique. My 5 years old soul understood then the bridge
through our mind that we can build between us and the dead, which ended their mission of earth even
premature, as we believe.
I should let you know that this small, white pot, with or without water, it was my dear pot for
George Emil and it was there with me all my childhood.
Every one of us has dear memories, with their special place in his heart. Let's be carefully what
memories we leave behind to the souls of our children and grandchildren, because, as they say: "What

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you spread is what you get!" that is why, my dear readers, let's all try to saw seeds that will happily bear
fruits, with much light for everybody, not just for our relatives.
From my childhood, I now remember the holidays that we honored like Christians, with good
things only. We were not rich, the money was so hard to get and the people were poor; some of them had
a double life – they felt something but they showed another.
Every Easter and Christmas, the new clothes, the cleanliness all around, and the joy – all these
made you rise again, no matter if you were a child or an adult. I remember when the priest came to our
house in the Eve, or with christening – all these entire all were special holidays. He was lovingly expected
and treated right. My grandfather was also a pious man! The Mister, as I said in the beginning, was a
personality for the village. He christened, married, helped poor men, but mostly he opened for young
people the taste to learn. He was a true "Mister Trandafir" written by our famous writer Sadoveanu. In
fact, I believed in those times, all the teachers had as a common feature the love for children and they
taught them everything from their souls.
Grandfather had also a pretty voice and he used to sing in the lectern at the Church, and he liked to
visit the monasteries around our village, every time discovering a new thing.
I also remember how upset I was when my mother went to see Agapia, Varatec and Horaita
Monasteries and I, a 5 or 6 years old girl, remained home. I cried and cried for a whole afternoon and I
hardly forgave them for not taking me there too. It was hard for me to understand that a child is a burden
for the adults when they go on pilgrimage.
Now, as I write, I can see my dear grandfather’s face, which had a special love for me. In a letter
conceived when I was 9 years old, he wrote: "This girl will get very far!" Now, I am wondering "How far,
when and how?"
Nevertheless, let us get back to our story.
After some time I left grandparents' house and I started losing my Christian customs. I kept on
saying "Little Angel" prayer, but that was it, and I do not remember going to church in my first years of
study in Bucharest. I was marveled and began to say my "Little Angel”, only in my holidays when I saw
Picuta in the evening, saying her prayers with such faith…Once in the Easter's Eve, grandfather came to
Bucharest. It was a great surprise, especially for me because he was very dear to me. He wanted to go to
the Patriarch ate on the Resurrection night, but my father, who had drunken a few glasses of wine before
that, thought the way was too long and he took my grandfather to Saint Spiridon Church instead, saying:
"This is the Patriarch ate, grandfather!" Not long time after that, grandfather got sick and in the end died
without seeing the real Patriachate.
That was the year when I first really discovered God. I was almost 10. Picuta was in Bucharest
with us and grandfather was at their country house. My grandparents kept a house in the country, where
my grandfather was happy to stay on the porch, to sleep in the hay and to feel the earth under his feet, to
walk barefoot through the snow.
A phone call announced us that grandfather was in the hospital, dying. My mother and Picuta left
to Piatra Neamt in a hurry. It was Christmas’ Eve. At the hospital, grandfather was in a serious condition
when I found that out I instantly remembered of God. I begged him from my childish soul to save his life.
Large tears were falling from my eyes and my prayers could not stop. "God, I was saying, help my dear
grandfather to stay alive!" Then, I saw, for the first time in my life, the pain, the helplessness in front of
death and I asked for help from the sky.
God listened to my prayer and gave my grandfather the chance to live but not the one to be
healthy. I had only asked for "life..." Grandfather remained paralyzed in bed, for 2 years. That was a
tough trial for him, but also for the others, and now I am sure that was a lesson for all of us.
Let us be careful what we ask for, because God gives us everything if we do it faithfully, and with
perseverance! We do not always know what we really need. Now I believe that we should let Him do, as
He knows, because He knows better than we do, and in this way, we shall never be wrong. He will know
what to offer us, when and how much...
During the 2 years my grandfather had been paralyzed, Picuta was there with him and her
unlimited faith was a great support.
On a spring vacation, on Easter, there I was in Piatra Neamt-- when something from inside sent
me to the Resurrection. I went with Picuta at the same church as when I was a child and now I went
without being forced this time, I went because I felt like it. It was the first time I went to a Resurrection

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and a part of my soul revived, and even more, I myself brought the light in my house, for my grandfather.
Light started shyly to enter my life but until my real and total enlightenment, there were still many years
left. Even now, I work on myself, because the light has to be kept inside, but it has to be spread outside,
too.
The next year, in March, my grandfather passed away. My grief had no words to be expressed,
and most of it because this fact was hidden from me. God wanted me to find out and to be there when he
said "good-bye" to the earth. I still remember these moments although there had been 30 years since then.
The cold and turned to stone face is still in my mind and the good-bye kiss freezes my lips. I saw death as
an ugly thing, because it turned a healthy and strong man into an ice statue. I did not know that death does
not exist. I did not know that it is only a gate. Our soul is immortal.
What does death really mean, I am wondering now. That is like a sort of aggregation of matter.
We pass when we finish our duties on earth in another form. Because I do not consider it ugly and cold, it
does not scare me or fills me with joy either. It is the continuing of life under another form; it depends on
how you live rather than how long...
"A young boy or an old man
Dying is the only thing you can
Different is but when you die
Dog in chains
Or free like lions."
These are Cosbuc's lines and the comparison must be seen as symbolic, because they refer to our
behavior in life. The lion is always a winner and the dog in chains is always a loser. We have to know
what we want to be – winners or losers. As much we come closer to God in life, we will be closer to Him
after our mission on earth ends.
There are many people looking for God because each one of us is a piece of Him, but it is such a
pity that we do not realize that when we have to! In fact, everybody has his time, when he wakes up and
says: "Good morning!" after a long spiritual night.
It is so good to know how to ask for Light and Love in your prayers, because there is nothing
more beautiful than receiving and giving back Light to anybody, anytime, anywhere!
My childhood continued without special events. There were the 70's. I entered the church very
rarely and I almost stopped saying prayers. In school, they taught us that God did not exist, that Science
was everything that we were the ape's heirs and the dialectics were the most important things.
Christmas was an admitted holiday. There were patriotic actions, they said Santa Claus was
coming, the Easter holiday existed only for red eggs and sponge cake and most of the people went to the
Resurrection just out of habit or to get away from monotony. They did not know what the Light was and
why was it brought in everybody's house. The most important Christian holidays were indefinite notions,
and the Savior was forgiven almost entirely. I do think that the souls were mutilated by the communist
educational system! In the city, the faith was lost almost totally. The adults did not teach their children
about religion, did not event use the sign of the cross. I know there were people praying deeply in their
souls but they were afraid of planting faith in the hearts of their children. I do not want to generalize or to
judge, it is a personal opinion that makes me very sad.
The fear is man's most powerful enemy, it dehumanizes him. Whether it is about the fear of
authorities or of water, darkness, solitude, fear is a killer of character and personality, destroying with
cruelty everything is in front of it.
In the countryside, I think that the communism, or the society without God, was not so strong. The
peasants respected their customs and holidays, honored them and thanked God for everything they got.
The children in the country had a great trump in the continuing of faith, taking the example of their
parents. The city children and mostly the ones in Bucharest had been much tormented. I do not want to
make a rule, but I am sure that there were children in the city-from my generation-educated in the spirit of
God. In this period (the 70’s), I lost God.
I remember now the behavior of some people, with important functions, in the army or in state
ruling. When they were said: "Jesus revived!" they used to answer: "Sure He had revived” and they
stuffed with sponge cake, red eggs and lamb. It may seem funny, but it is more than sad.
We did not own books of prayers or even the Bible. My parents were not members of the
communist party, but still they had no icons in the house, even if they were nice persons, intellectuals. I

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do not remember them telling me something about Jesus, saints or holidays. I ask them now to forgive me
because I am not trying to judge them. I just remember, with no resentments.
I think I was in high school when I first entered together with my mother, in Saint Spiridon
Cathedral, where a religious marriage was taking place. I was very impressed to participate. I could not
understand a thing and I was not curious to find out something. The same year I made a trip in the north
of Moldavia. My mind retained only the blue in Voronet, a maze with milk eaten at Sucevita and that is
about it. We went very often to Agapia monastery, because my grandparents had a house in the village, at
that time being replaced with the village surgery.
I do not remember something to have impressed me there. I was just looking on the walls,
admiring pictures and I did not even use the sign of the cross. I might seem an ice floe, because I was
convinced man came from monkeys and I could not understand what was the role of so many churches
and monasteries.
But, when I was in trouble I used to say "God help me!" When I went to pass my faculty exams, I
needed God, so I prayed and over crossed myself. God listened to my prayers and I succeeded, but when I
saw my problems solved, I forgot about Him very quickly.
The only book of prayers I had seen was the one of Picuta. Very old and tired of being read, this
book still exists. I wondered what was the use of so many prayers if God did not exist.
Do you think it is a greater sin than denying the Divinity? I believe not! Even some of us thought
so, God forgave us when we returned to our faith in the last minute. We only have much to gain if we try
to be faithful, long before our end (before, it is too late), because by our change, we are closer to God.
My first year of faculty ended and in the second, I got married. It was something very sudden
because as we all know Love does not ask when, why or how. It just comes. After my civilian marriage,
the religious one came. I was very nervous because I was not a spectator any longer, but the main actor.
The ceremony took place in the same cathedral in which a few years before I had participated to a
religious marriage for the first time in my life. From the ceremony I remember the "Isaiah’s dance" and
Kissing the Holy Gospel. I did not know what the Holy Gospel contained. Still that was the most
important step in my life and it was made right. I could not understand the importance of the religious act,
I did not understand the significance of this ritual, but I know that God was with me, in fact with us as we
were a family.
Then I have to pass my exams, to spend my vacations, to go to work, and then holidays came and
went away. Once, I went to a church to take some Holy water and it spilled in my bag. My notebook
wears the marks, but it looks like it was useful because I had only tens at my exams.
I my 5th year of faculty our little girl was born. I wanted a girl so much and I was sure it would be
so; our little sunshine had come to lighten our life. This was another religious moment in our life. A few
months later, we christened her. I was again a spectator and my daughter the main actor. The novelty was
complete. I do not remember the ceremonial but the emotion is here with me now, after all these years. I
recall one of my mother's remarks: "Only the priest shouldn't let our girl slip in the water!" Moreover, the
time passed away. The distance from God was getting larger and larger; I started to deny everything was
related to God. One year, the Christmas was in a Friday and I was knitting.
I rise now against the memory of my pagan behavior. It is more terrible that I was knitting a dress
for my little girl1! I am lucky that God is so good, loving, forgiving and that He does not punish, and He
makes you turn your face to Him.
Three more years passed and there I was going to be a mother again. It did not work so easy that
time. After some investigations, I am found a virus that attacks the baby. There were two options, as the
doctors said: the baby could die when he was born or to be born abnormal. I cannot express the feelings
of a mother when hearing such a verdict. The way had no turning back because the political system had
this policy of growing the birth rate.
In these unfavorable circumstances, my mother, enlightened by a thought, that was not accidental,
encouraged me saying: "God's will!" In addition, God wanted to give me a healthy young boy, who now
makes our life happier, together with his sister. As you see, the two choices, predicted by the doctors, had
been refuted by the reality. During the birth, something strange happened to me: I went There, on the
other side of the earth, for a few moments. After my child went into reality I was happy to find out he was
safe and I flew away on other lands. I was not sorry to leave, it was a pleasant sensation, of peace and my

15
entire life crossed my mind through its most important images: I saw images from my childhood,
adolescence passing quickly.
The doctor tried very hard to make me stay alive and with God's help, he did so. My boy's name is
after Saint Michael's name-who was there with me- and he has the name of the doctor, too, the doctor
who helped me stay alive.
I did not understand what had happened with me then, in fact I could not, I was not ready. All
information needed, come to you when you are ready to understand it and to use it in a proper manner.
I should thank God for all the lovely gifts He gave me and I am sure he will – in the future,
because life itself is the most wonderful gift that we should appreciate! God did not take me from the
earth, because I have many other things to do here and I must do them right!
The christening of my both took place at home, but I cannot remember something special about
this event, because I was a spectator again. The time passed by and I began to change, in my inside
something was happening, something slow, but I was becoming more sensitive.
I was very impressed when I heard the first prayer of my little girl! I myself did not know it, but
my good friend, Picuta continued her mission to teach, showing my girl the faith in God. This prayer was
called: "God, Heavenly Father" and it was full of love, the love of a 4 years old girl towards God. Then
Picuta taught her "Our Father" and from my girl I learned it myself.
I realize now that my grandmother created a huge spiritual universe in our family: love, hope and
faith. She had never placed herself over anybody; she only planted the seeds of light and love with much
simplicity and modesty. Although I was mother of two children, Picuta continued to educate me easily,
help me be better, more sensitive, and to have trust in the power of God. She used to tell me sometimes:
"Be a good, kind mother, not a rebel one!" and she was right saying that... She advised me to speak less
and only when necessary, but only after 10 years I was able to use her advice, even now I forget about
them and I keep on talking ... and talking.
My life started to be clearer to me. It was not so much against faith; I tried to humanize my own
self. At the Christian holidays, I was participating with my heart, being convinced that we were not
created from monkeys and my atheism-so deeply planted by the communist society-left me step by step.
The year 1989 brought into my life great changes. The revolution showed me qualities I did not
know I owned. I was determined to fight in the Revolution to conquer the ideals of my generation without
thinking that my two kids could remain orphans. God considered that our sacrifice was not needed there
and at that moment. The lesson of our awakening of conscience is still here in me; more powerful than
ever its consequences are obvious today. No matter what some people might say, the Revolution had the
main part in the reconstructing the communist ill-treating of souls.
The Christmas in 1989 left me a painful memory. That execution was made when the Christians
were celebrating The Born of the Savior and for me it had a terrible effect. The holiday has been defiled.
The message of the event was double for me: I understood the holiday has a major significance for the
humanity and I realized that something horrible happened because some people were killed by others.
Maybe the Romanians had to learn something from this sad experience.
The 90's meant a great change in all the social areas. If God was almost unknown until then, in the
90's an advertising campaign for the rebuilding of faith started. Everywhere you looked there were
priests, consecrations and the hallowing, but this was an exaggeration after all the atheist years.
Soon I started to ask myself questions about the conceiving of the entire world, I began to read –
an outburst of religious, paranormal, and metaphysical literature happened. I was not very convinced by
the evolutionist theories, but I did not consider that God created us either. This was not a good thing to
doubt. I seemed to walk on zigzag, getting a few ideas from here, some from there- especially what I
liked best, without having a certain conviction.
In May 1991, Picuta died. Last autumn a hopeless disease appeared, as everybody needs a reason
to leave earth. Although her pains were terrible and her body suffered, her spirit was strong and healthy,
because faith was always with her. We should know that God keeps us in his arms even when we think
we are falling.
She wished to celebrate the Resurrection of God once more, although she was staying in bad for
days. God offered her the chance to be with us and to tell us "Jesus revived!” A few days after that, we
took her home to Piatra Neamt.

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 In the beginning, I was talking about the energy of the native place. Here is an example that
confirms the fact that the place where you were born, where you stood for many years-gives you a good
energy, that makes you stronger.
The energy from home kept Picuta alive for about 2 weeks. It may be a short period, but it is
enough to analyze your life to admit your mistakes and to ask God to forgive you. Suffering purifies. It
takes you a second to be saved. My grandmother finished her mission on earth when she was 89 years
old, discretely disappearing discrete and being covered with light.
The minute Picuta "left", at a distance of 360 kilometers a strong sensation of stifling woke me up.
My soul knew that the time of saying good-bye came, that my kind Picuta had left this world and maybe
what I felt was a sign from her.
In five minutes, a phone call announced me that my feelings were right. It was on May the 6-th. A
day before that my girl had turned 7 years old. I know that Picuta had tried not to die on her birthday. She
had been a great lady all her life, as her old students called her and she remained a Lady until the end of
her life. I left to Piatra Neamt. I felt different from the moment my grandfather died. Almost 20 years had
passed between the two sad events. The fear of death disappeared for me, as I knew that we all "owe God
a death". I still had the impression that the soul was eternal.
Picuta was sitting there, cold and pale, but so calm and peaceful! The suffering was obvious, she
was very small and tired, but that little body had played host to such a great soul! I looked at her with love
and respect and I know that she would always be with me. It was a new feeling for me. Before the
funeral, I went to the graveyard, where my grandfather was to be exhumed. I arrived there later and there
he was -my grandfather-in a white cloth bag. I may look like a grizzly person, but I want you to know, by
these facts, how I had been influenced by different situations and what we can learn from them. We
always learn from the others, but also teach the others, even if we do not realize that all the time. I shall
come back now to the bag with bones, when I started wondering if man was only earth. What about the
soul? We are all made in a divine manner and our soul is the divine spark that we wear inside us. If we all
understand the importance we had been given and if we try to find out our mission on earth and try to
finish it successfully, the world will be different-we shall be better every day, cleaner, more honest.
Moreover, God would not turn His face from us.
I shall come back to my story now. It is usual that the funerary convoy to stop for a while at street
corners where bridges of white tissue are laid and money are thrown above them-these stops being the
customhouses through which the soul has to pass. I saw the funeral in a different way because I did not
have the feeling of fear anymore, as 20 years ago. I was an adult – physically and mostly spiritually. I was
trying to find as a support the faith in God. After my grandmother's death, my mother started to go to
church very often. This made me judge her, because I could not see the reason. I thought she exaggerated,
that she had moved into the church. She was going to many services during the week and every Sunday.
She started to fast and to read prayers (from Picuta's book of prayers). I was terrified, but I was so wrong
feeling that way. I ask her now to forgive my thoughts, words and deeds as I hadn’t been awaken yet, but
"anaesthetized" in faith, because as the Bible says: "Don't judge and you won't be judged either!" I know
now that only the faith and prayers made her healthy in a difficult moment of her life. I shall never forget
the time I went to the doctors' with her, when I stood there in the front of surgery- feeling the minutes like
centuries but also feeling very close to God, through the prayers I said, begging for the health of my
mother. Moreover, God listen to me again...
When my mother came out of the surgery, she was happy and peaceful. "I'm all right,” she said
embracing me with tears in her eyes.
I am crying now because I remember that; you have to know and be sure there are miracles!
There were not suppositions about the gravity of the illness, but medical proves. There have
passed away to many years since then and my mother is a healthy and strong in her faith and that made
me follow her advice. The light started to come down on my soul. Very slowly, the closed flower-my
heart- began to open in the light of Love. You should not think that the change happened very quickly,
because the light that comes too sudden can be dangerous for the eyes that are used with darkness.
In 1992, I had some arguments, philosophical ones I might say, with a colleague of work and I
realized a new thing- that the soul is immortal, that it evolves every day to come closer to God. That time
I bought a very special book "Seeing immortality" and I was very fond reading it. I considered most of
the information as known, although my spiritual knowledge was inexistent back then. "Seeing

17
immortality" was a book that opened the way to the spirit. I thank God for the knowledge I got through
Prentice Mulford's book, and I thank to the author's evolved spirit. I sincerely confess that I had given
dozens of copies of this book because I saw it as a key from God’ s realm.
For about 2 years, I could not stop buying everything about metaphysics, religion, paranormal. My
head was a hullabaloo. I wanted to correct that very fast and without knowing very well, what I was
doing. I did not know that you could not find God in books, but inside you with patience and love. At that
time, I had read the books written by mother Veronica from Vladimiresti, and I learned about the
confessor of the nuns in that monastery. I found out later that the place where this man was -it was called
Recea Monastery, near Targu Mures. The desire to meet this priest had grown inside me and was even
fulfilled. I shall make a parenthesis: Let us all is careful what we wish for, because God gives us the
chance to obtain all we want with power. There are cases when we ask and we desire what we need and
consider right and when we get it, we do not like it anymore or we do not need it, but we still have to
learn the lesson and to support the consequences.
I am such rigmarole! As the Romanians usually say in these circumstances – "let's come back to
our sheep!" I shall tell you about the role of this priest in my life. In that period, I usually traveled a lot as
a delegate from work and I thought of using such an occasion -to combine pleasure with work- and going
to Targu Mures. After I solved my work problems, I went straight to Recea Monastery. It was the day of
Saints Constantin and Elena. I took the bus from the center of the town and I arrived to the monastery.
There were many people, from all the regions of the country, mostly simple men, from the countryside,
who remained faithful to their religion. In that May morning and because it was an important holiday I
took a big step to found God again. I met father John very easy, because he had a kind and open face and
felt like I was rediscovering him, although I had never met him before.
In that day, the miracle showed up again. I confessed myself for the first time and I received the
Eucharist. A large gate opened in my heart. I had found God again! For the start, I saw Him from outside
but it was so great to see your own light, to feel it and to try giving some of it to others. The Eucharist is a
holy secret. I wish to remind the fact that my greatest sin – the disloyalty of faith and the denial of God-
were forgiven. The resentments and tears were torturing me. I finally realized that God is there, kind and
loving, that He forgives us if we are sorry for our mistakes. When I remember that I feel like thanking our
Creator that He turned my face to Him! Moreover, because God works through people I have to thank
father John who helped me find the light and saved my soul when its time came.
Now I am sure that God does not punish. He sends you tests to help you, to make you stronger and
to raise you. If we are not capable of passing the tests, it is only our fault; it means that we are weak and
cowards. We must always be fighters to become winners and as the poet says:
"The life is fight
So, go on fighting
loving it,
no matter what its end might be
You must keep fighting to be free!
The ones who fight
Do stay alive
The coward ones do cry and die!"
("The fight of life"- George Cosbuc)
In addition, I know something else too. We all have chances to change but most of the time we are
blind and deaf. Maybe our time has not come yet or maybe it passed. Our mind should always be awake
and we have to do little steps to God every day. His hand is always stretched towards us- we only see it
and raise...
My story continues in an astonishing manner. In fact, the entire life is a surprise. I left Recea
Monastery with my soul wide open, full of love, sharing good words and smiles to all men. When you are
happy you wish the others to be like that, too, you feel the need of giving, of communicating.
On my way to Bucharest, I was going to go by plane and I was not afraid of flying. We all
received the well-known candy and after that, we were announced we would not take off anymore
because in Bucharest a tempest had started.
It was a Friday evening and the last plane was next Monday. We all got off and entered the
waiting room. In the airport, a confused group of four persons was walking back and forth. They seemed

18
to be foreigners. They could not understand what was going on. Suddenly, one of them came smiling
towards me and he asked me something in English. I was very nervous because, although there have been
three days since the political ruling changed in our country, I had never had the opportunity to talk to a
foreigner. I must say that my English was not as fresh as I wanted it to be and my French even worse.
Nevertheless, there I was placed in a position of giving some information in English- about the weather
forecast, about politics; to a nice foreigner who tried to translate to his friend what he could understand of
my words. I am sure that our communication developed more on a telepathic plane, as my vocabulary was
not so rich. Finally, after two hours of waiting, we have been invited to take our sits in the plane. There I
decided to give the lady from the group I had met an icon of the Holy Saints-Constantin and Elena. I
knew they have a different religion but I also knew God was only one and I felt like giving something,
mostly because that day was very important for me. I had started a new way.
The lady was very amazed when receiving my gift and then asked if I knew a nice restaurant
where they could dine in Bucharest.
They were from Switzerland and they were for the first time in Romania. Then, my guardian angel
whispered to me something and I said in a loud voice:
"Come to my place!"
"But, we are four!" they said, some in English, some in French.
At the airport, a bus of a touring agency was waiting for them. We accompanied them and talked
for a while. We settled to meet again, later at Aurel Vlaicu station.
When I arrived home, I went straight to my husband telling him very happy: "The Swiss are
coming!” Because my state was a very agitated one, my husband could not understand a thing. I
explained him my adventures step by step and I continued by telling him we are having guests. They were
very punctual to the place where we met and we brought them home. It was very dark outside, raining and
a lot of mud. When we got home, we dined and talked until three in the morning. They had to leave
because they had a plane course at 6 o'clock. We felt great and we became friends forever. They were
admirable friends... The smiling bearded man was a reformed minister, the lady was an archaeologist, one
of them was an electrician and the last one a farmer.
They were very used with Romania’s image presented by the international mass media: poverty,
handicapped children, harlots, thieves and beggars, eaters of swans. Talking with us, they were surprised
by our hospitality and friendship. When we said good-bye they asked: "What should we send you?" as if
we had asked for something... Our answer was prompt and short: "We don't need anything more than
your friendship!"
I thought that God gave me a couple of good friends because I had turned my face to Him.
Moreover, one of the foreigners was a priest, a servant of God... I should stress that out: nothing is a
random in our lives!
In the next years, I visited Switzerland, I crossed the Alps, they came in Romania with their
families, and we spent our holidays together. We seemed to know each other even if we did not speak the
same language or having the same religion. This was a wonderful gift for life, full of love and faith.
In addition, I was sure my life took a different way, God began to reveal to me as often as possible
that I could not deny the existence anymore.
Back then I was very preoccupied with all it was related to the paranormal and I used to buy every
book I found interesting and I was reading in a selective manner. I was not able to understand everything,
as my spiritual level did not allow me to.
One of the books that opened new ways of knowledge was "Dialogues with invisible entities" by
Diana Voievozeanu -an engineer, like me – who lived some authentic spiritual experiences, discovering
God and the immortality of soul. The lines of the book came to me as a confirmation of my experiences
and they assured me that the person who dies, does not disappear forever just like that, they continue to
guide us from up there... I found out that the advanced human spirit must have two qualities: abnegation
and unselfish love towards the others.
The change inside me happened in the autumn of 1993. My life received new dimensions:
religious books, icons, prayers started to be my preoccupations. The verb "to be" had become stronger
than "to have" and "to give" was even more important.
I do not say that it was easy to offer but you have to keep on doing that. The most important thing
is to offer love as most of us are unhappy because they are deprived of love (or they think they are).

19
 "To love" is the key that opens the chest with treasures. Many of us use the word "to love" without
discrimination and we say it automatically. It is very difficult to really love in a simple, unconditioned
way, without expecting rewards or reciprocity. In fact, if you do something thinking that somebody will
reward you it will not have any effect, because love is not a deal.
First, we have to love ourselves entirely, to accept us to forgive our own mistakes and then to love
the other human beings and this will be the way we love God. The one who does not offer love is not
offered love either, because love comes and goes, it depends on us to know how to keep it. God loves us
all, as we are His sons, but we do not want to admit that all the time.
Here is a new episode that impressed me and showed me that the alphabet I started to see- of love
and faith- had a meaning. All of us dream many things at night that we sometimes forget in the morning.
Nevertheless, there are dreams that remain imprinted in your memory for many years, having a
significance that we do not always understand. I have a dream that I have always in my mind: I was in a
church with a winding staircase, blackened walls (because of the smoke) and many, many burning
candles. It may seem banal. Some time after this dream, my heart sent me to Iasi, where, at the
Metropolitan Cathedral, the relics of Saint Martyr Parascheva have been resting for about 160 years. It
was on 14-th of October 1993.
At that time I did not know many things about saints and holidays, but because my dear
grandmother’s name was Parascheva, and my grand grandmother’s name also, I considered to be a moral
duty to honor this holiday, so I decided to go to Iasi, to bring Picuta my respects on hers name day and to
take part at the great holiday of the Saint who protects the entire Moldavia.
I was in Iasi for my first time. Very many people, well – dressed, many peasants in national
costumes, nuns, priests, citizens, and pupils with satchels in their bags, beggars, gypsies, and itinerant
vendors. The icon of Saint Martyr Parascheva was everywhere in the town. It was not hard for me to find
the Metropolitan Church, because the wave of people carried me there.
In the yard of the Church – a crowd: one of them standing at a disorganized queue, others rushing
inside the church and on the stairs, thousands of candles were burning with vivid flames, shining the faces
of the believers.
Through the crowd I managed to get into the church and, by accident, I entered through an
auxiliary door. I stopped inside and I stood completely amazed. The words have no power to describe the
feelings I had. The winding stair, the walls and the burning candles – this was the image from my dream
and I was there in the
place I dreamed
about. In my dream,
Saint Martyr
Paracheva had
invited me to meet
her, to honor and
love her although she
had always been with
me (without me
knowing it).

This holiday
had started with a
great surprise for me.
I had received a
message from the
Divinity – and as I
rediscovered faith – I
could be able to
decode it. I felt like
flying. I felt wonderful. Although the cathedral was large, it became narrow for the thousands of
believers. On one side, there was an empty cataphalque – the place where the coffin with the relics of the

20
saint had stood for the entire year. As the custom is, the coffin had been carried outside and the people
came one after another to honor the Saint, maybe to ask her something.
I did not know very well what the relics were. I only imagined some strange things about it. I went
out of the cathedral, the mass of people pushed me, and through a miracle, I reached at the coffin. I
discovered a coffin of silver posted on a cataphalque, covered with flowers, in which the body of the
Saint rested. When I finally reached in front of the coffin, I saw a body in the clothes of priest, with a kind
of silver mask on her face. I kissed the silver face piously and I gently touched the hands that were like
prepared for a prayer. A soft and sweet smell came to me and I could not compare it with any other
perfume of a flower. I can feel, even now, an ecstasy – when I remember that. Tears knitted with prayer
came out of my soul.
Some of my readers might think that these were illusions or that I exaggerate. Let everybody think
what he wants, although I wish you to live such a wonderful moment when the light starts to overcome
you and when the senses are activated and the stone from our heart is thrown away.
This was a limit that God made me pass and then to add a brick to the wall of faith. Saints, no
matter what their religion is, are very close to God, they help to the saving of souls and in many ways
they are like our advocates in front of God. However, the miraculous day did not end there. I was there
with all my soul, at the ceremony that honored the Saint. I looked amazed around me. Very many young
men and children piously participated at that ceremony, together with many peasants from all parts of
Romania, to celebrate that great day. I heard of some miraculous healings, about wonders performed by
Saint Martyr Parascheva. I could see people openly talking about their problems, about their healing, but
they also mentioned they believe…Some of them came only to bring thanks to the Saint.
I was living in a dream, because the events were in a great hurry and everything was unusual. Still,
the reality proved me that the important thing is to believe. Even if we do not always get what we ask for,
we have to thank God for what He is giving us, as He knows what and how much we are going to get, to
give or to take with us.
I try to show my steps to rediscover God, in a chronological way. I can say that this is like writing
a diary but instead of writing it day by day and page-by-page, I am trying now to remember everything I
can and reconstitute it. At that time, when my awakening took place, I could not even imagine that I
would share these things with somebody. Now I know I should do that, because God lets us to find our
ways alone and when we find Him, He is happy and that makes us happy, too.
Saint Martyr Parascheva was always with me and she is now too, many times without me
knowing it. Nevertheless, from time to time, she sent me a sign to wake up, to remind me that I am not
alone. A sign like that I received through a dream. The image from my dream is still in my mind, after all
these years. I can see Her in the silver coffin, a young and a pretty girl, but without life and then,
suddenly, she raises, puts her arms around me and speaks to me…I still feel the warm and the love that
she had sent to me.
Her kind look, her beauty, the big blue eyes keep on following me. In my dream, my little girl
appeared too and she told me something about her. I woke up with great joy in my soul because this high
light being protected me, and she transmitted something to my subconscious. And if I told you about my
first encounter with Saint Martyr Parascheva, I want to insert here a little “story” about this Saint,
although it had taken place later, in 1998.
In the summer of 1998, in my family great changes in conscience and attitude happened. I had the
feeling that the glass was filled, that our place was no longer in Romania; we had been enough with
everything and the only solution we saw, was to immigrate to Canada. We went to the Embassy, took the
forms, studied them and we noticed that our specializations were much quoted, but …still something
stopped us. It was a strange state; we were decided to leave and then we dropped the idea, saying that we
should do something for our country. We knew we loved our country. However, how can you stand
against your anxieties? When I saw that my mind would not give me the solution, I asked the faith to do
that. I simply asked with all my heart that God should show us the way. Do not imagine that God gives
answers just like that, it does not come written or by the phone, you have to discover them alone. I
remembered to say: “God, your wish is my wish!” Therefore, I did. A few months passed and we could
not reach to a decision. One day I entered at random, into a large and beautiful church on Nicolae
Titulescu avenue. When I got at the altar, I saw two icons – one of the Savior and the other one of Saint
Martyr Parascheva. I crossed myself to the first icon and when I kissed the icon of my dear Saint, I heard:

21
“Stay in your country! Stay in your country! Stay in your country!” I had not asked anything then, but
God had given me the answer through Saint Martyr Parascheva. It was for the first time in my life that I
heard inside me a message came from Above. You might doubt saying it was my imagination. It does not
matter! Wait until you have the same experience as I did. It is normal to doubt, I did it too!
Then the peace covered my soul, I went home crying of happiness. At home, I did not know how
to tell my husband the story. I had all chances to be considered a little crazy, but the effect was
unexpected. After telling my husband the story, he said: “ I did not want to leave Romania, either!” Then
we hugged, kissed, and cried. We went stronger in our beliefs and we gave up the idea of going away. I
can feel that my home is here, as I have a duty for my land. After that I noticed that most of he people
leave their countries, running away from misery and unhappiness, but they do not know the happiness is
all inside, ready to be discovered. Many people carry their unhappiness with them even if they change
their life. Something is no going all right, something related to the lack of faith, because the balance is in
God’s help.
In June 1993, another adventure came to my life. I had never left my country until then, but I
received a “gift”-a voyage to Germany, together with the karate national group. The joy and the emotion
were great, even if the voyage was for only 3 days and the way was even longer than the staying.
There I was, leaving Romania for the first time and thanking God for that gift. From the bus, I
could see Budapest at night, Vienna – in a hurry, we arrived into a small town, in Germany, with beautiful
houses and red geraniums at the windows, and then we came back home. After we left the small town,
our bus-a little too old for such a trip-went out of order. We tried to push it on a plugged way that took us
to a dog asylum. Do not imagine a German helping us to get out of the trouble! A cold night followed and
even the moon looked in high amusement at the adventures of the Romanians. Under the bus, the driver
continued to fix the engine. Then I remembered about God and started to pray from my heart to be helped
and be able to leave, as the situation was not too cheerful. If the bus had not been fixed up, we could not
have come back home because we needed the money. (At that moment, I was reading the life of the
American visionary – Edgar Cayce.) I began to look at the sky, maybe waiting for some help. Suddenly,
beneath the trees, I saw a circle of light-as big as a regular ball – moving in circles. I mentally asked the
circle to come closer and then a game started. Then I felt that we were going to be saved. It had not
passed too long and the driver fixed the car.
The cold had covered us all and we used the curtains as blankets. In my soul, there was warm and
peace, given by the satisfaction of a wish came true.
Before the engine got down, most of the passengers decided to avoid passing through Vienna
again, as they were enough seeing it. My soul was very sad because I wanted very much to see the lands
of waltz and of Strauss, but nobody seemed to care about me. Nevertheless, I was lucky because of the
bad luck having the opportunity to see Vienna.
From this little adventure, something remained inside me: the lesson with the broken bus, the
circle of light and the joy that I felt seeing Vienna. I regret the fact that I did not ask the others about the
light in circles.
I was going to see this kind of circles again in 1997, in Piatra Neamt. Then I had the chance of
“communicating” with a whole system of circles of light. There were two large circles-one inside the
other and on their edges; there were twelve small circles with almost the same speed, moving in the same
way. I played with them for almost half an hour, I hide myself, but they kept on following me. I repeated
the same mistake – not asking another person if what I saw was real. Maybe it should remain like that – a
mystery. The feeling of love, protection and friendship was the same in both cases, because as we know
the Light is friendly, loving and it cures and helps us. Light comes only from God.
The year 1994 brought me some new lessons and knowledge, too. In the Easter’s Eve, I read in a
magazine that at the Bishopric in Buzau there is an icon of the Holy Virgin that cried. I decided to go and
to see it. Two tears just stood there ready to fall down slowly, under the windowpane. Then I decided to
confess myself to one of the priests. It was a very difficult exam, because all the monks–priests are very
severe and they give penance for every encroach upon the law. From this servant of church I learnt that
every word has a meaning and effect. If we start saying bad words, they can be as strong as a curse and if
we do not realize it-they might as well destroy us. “What you give is what you get.”
Some time after that I had to pass another exam. I suddenly got ill and I had a terrible headache.
Until then, I had never believed in spells, the evil’s eyes, curses or charms. I considered them old

22
women’s inventions, SF stories. However, the power of thought, word and look, were about to show me
that those bad reflections are there and there are alive. Something from inside me told me I was the victim
of such an aggression. At work some of my colleagues tried to exorcise the pain, but with no effect. The
headache was even worse, unbearable. At home, I took the book of Iana Teiu and asked my husband to
exorcise the pain, reading the words from the book. The embers sizzled and they fell on the bottom of the
glass of water, but still nothing else.
I started the medical investigations: cranial X-rays, tablets. I was proposed tomography. Because I
had no money, I have decided to borrow some from my mother, who, at that time, was a teacher at the
Dinu Lipatti High Musical School, near the Patriachate. It was the day of the “Spring of Healing” and I
knew I would meet her at the Patriarchate. I was walking with difficulty, my head was whizzing, but my
husband was there to support me, although he was more than scared. I had never heard about “The Spring
of Healing”, but with this occasion, I was offered my healing. The yard of the Patriarchate was crowded
and the atmosphere was very much alike the one in Iasi. Many people, different people, even curious
people and myself looking for my mother.
For me, there was a new opportunity to make another step in my life. The moment I entered the
yard, the relics of Saint Dimitrie were taken out of the church. There, I met another great saint, who
taught me that faith makes you healthy. Going with the crowd and forgetting about the reason I was there,
I suddenly saw myself in front of the silver coffin, where the relics were resting. With my hands on the
coffin, I prayed desperately for my recovery (we all remember God when we are ill, not when we are
healthy and able to thank Him) and I participated with all my heart at the ritual. I completely forgot about
my husband and I thought he might have lost in that “sea” of people, but looking around me, I noticed
him right at my back.
When the ceremony was almost over, the water was hallowed and, the believers were christened.
The drops of water washed the people’s faces, being a Healing Spring, and myself was cured, a miracle
had passed through my body, the pain disappeared and I was myself again, healthy and happy. I am by
definition a very optimist and vivid person, invigorating the others, but the strange disease had put me
down. God raised me and showed me that Life is fight and we should be fighters. I kept my X-rays for a
long time and they had become the opportunity for my family to amuse themselves, but none knew how
much pain they hide. The change that appeared inside me reflected also outside me-in my physique, and
the people looked at me in a different way.
My optimism started to be guided and the huge mass of energy, I had been endowed with, had a
sense.
Many times, I started some philosophical or religious discussions and I noticed that something
seemed to change around me. Some people began to ask questions about the existence and the mission in
their life. Others remembered that God was there. I planted faith in the souls of others-as I could-through
thought or words. Do not consider me as not being modest, because it is so great to do something for the
souls of others, to give them hope, to give them faith.
My life continued in a calm way. My passion, the reading, had become so powerful that in the
uncommon situations I took a book out of my bag and threw myself inside the story. I used to read in the
bus, in the kitchen, in the bathroom. It even happened to read while walking on the street…In the same
period I begun to offer the books I had read and which opened new spiritual ways for me. I remember “X-
rays about success” written by Silvia Cinca and all the works of master Omraam Michkael Aivanhov, a
wise man, whom I consider one of my spiritual teachers. I was offering books to everyone I felt he was in
need. Maybe some of those people will remember that life is a school and we, the people, are always
pupils, even if we consider ourselves teachers or great masters.
In the spring of 1995 in the Easter’s Eve, I received a letter from Switzerland, from the farmer
who had been my guest two years before. He invited me there, for ten days, together with my husband.
When I read his letter, I was so nervous and excited that the lines were like waves under my eyes. That
was a true gift from God – a free trip to Switzerland. The seeds planted on the 21-st of May 1993 bore
fruits.
Until I arrived to Switzerland, I had to pass another challenge. On the 29-th of June, the day of
Saints Apostles Peter and Paul, I was in Buzau – as a delegate, making some tests to an energetic
equipment, into a factory. Suddenly, my breath broke off and I felt like lightened by a thunder. I had the
feeling of leaving this world. They took me to the hospital and I was given the verdict: water in my lungs.

23
All this time I kept praying and begging God with all the power and despair-to come back home, even if I
was to die.
I did not die because the Saints took care of me, but the fight with the disease started. In less than
a month, I was going to leave to Switzerland, to cross the Alps, but I was still sick. I kept my optimism
and prayed to God to help me become strong again, in order to see Switzerland with my own eyes. God
listened to me, saved my lungs and then brought me the joy of seeing the iceberg in the Alps. The doctors
were very surprised to see my quick recovery, thinking they were my healers, without knowing that God
gave me the greatest help.
I thanked God for all He gave me and I stepped into the country of the cantons. For me, staying in
Switzerland was a miracle. Two years before I had seen Germany (a little town there), then Austria,
through Vienna-an hour and a half, Hungary, with Budapest at night. There were different images,
separated like images from a screen. Now, in front of me, there was Switzerland, for 10 days, something
organized, free and with familiarly people.
I try not to be taken too much by the wave remembering and telling you all about it. I had the
opportunity to see Lausanne, Yverdon, and Geneve and to spend their national day, the 1-st of August, in
the Alps, to cross the iceberg, to visit the Polytechnic School from Yverdon, to participate to the Sunday
ceremony, to a christening. I managed to know all Chene Paquier Parish, in a very short time, with merry
people in the countryside, meeting each other and spending together many beautiful moments. There are
no sacred relics or lents, except for the Good Friday, and the ceremony was in fact the preach of the
priest. The parishioners were sitting quietly on little banks, they were singing to praise God. I returned so
enriched and vivid from this trip. The period that followed – I started to go to church, monasteries more
often, to give more, and especially to pray. Then, another gift was given to me. In the summer of the same
year, I found through the books of my childhood, in Piatra Neamt, an old notebook, turned yellow by the
time. I was ready to throw it away, when suddenly I opened it and I saw some underlined notes. I started
reading them in a hurry. There were written by my grandmother Picuta, many years before (I couldn’t see
when exactly). They were about nature, spirit, soul, God. I could not stop reading “The Laws of
Mentalism”.
I understood that God had sent me that gift when I needed it most and when I could see clearly.
My grandmother, from where she is, opened new ways for me, by her wise notes: I know now that
everything comes when it is meant to be-at the proper time. I don’t know for how long those notes had
been there, but I know that in my family there was no one ready for them, not even myself.
I considered it as a duty to rewrite the notes, although nobody could tell where they come from, if
they are original or words taken from another book.
What is important is that they bring knowledge and they have a unique message. I hope they were
useful to you, as they were in my first chapter.
The year 1996 brought many important changes. On the Day of Saint Ilie, I started the course
Silva Method-mind control and fight against the stress. This course helped me to become stronger.
Then, on the Day of Saint Dumitru I started the Course of Radiant Technique, the first level, and
then on the Day of Saints Michael and Gabriel-I started the second level. I could notice that I only met
people like myself, who passed through the same changes in conscience, as I did and there I was making
new friends, feeling that my spiritual family became larger. The techniques I learned in these schools
work, in fact, with the help of faith even if that was not declared to us in a loud voice. Every person
perceives the teachings depending on his spiritual evolution.
January 1997 brought me a new teacher-professor Gral. Everything started when I first went to the
course of Sermotheraphy, a science discovered and then spread by this special man. The therapy through
words, the Sermotheraphy, created, improved and then taught by this remarkable teacher-is based on the
saying “The Word was first”. This person was blind but his spiritual view was fascinating. I stood in front
of him, amazed, feeding myself with his words and feeling his eyes all over me, although it was his
spiritual power that made me feel so. He taught me a lot, especially the fact that we all have eyes but we
do not see it all and we just live in a shallow way. It is important that our inside eye to be deep and vivid,
to communicate with the soul, but also with God. This man, by a few words he told me, he changed my
entire life. I told him that I was going to Suceava for a computer course and he advised me to learn
Universal Energy. I did not know what it meant, but I started it immediately. It was in March 1998 and I
was still looking for myself.

24
 I had graduated some schools of complementary therapies, having a special line that guided my
life, characterized through “faith”, “love”, “hope”, “forgiveness”, but I was still groping. I prayed to God
to show me my way, but I could not see it yet though He tried very hard to open my eyes.
Suceava was a new miracle for me. Although it was not the first time for me to be in the Princely
Fortress of Moldavia and I had seen the Saint Ioan the New Monastery from Suceava before, but I felt
like being there for my first time.
Months before I had had another dream that
followed me for a long time. I was present, there in my
dream, to the canonization of a young and beautiful
saint, with blue eyes, dark hair and long beard. I had felt
wonderful and that feeling was transferred into the real
world. Although I was awake, I kept on looking for the
beautiful and kind Saint from my dream, I wanted to
know him, feel it, thank him for his advises. The dream
seemed so real…
I entered Saint Ioan the New Monastery in
Suceava and I stood there speechless. In the right side of
the church, in the shadow of a large silvered icon-there
he was-resting, my dear saint. The connection took place
instantly as my heart was beating very fast, the joy came
all over me and the reality overwhelmed me. For the
second time I had been shown by a dream, a being of
light, and a servant of God, whom I was to meet for real,
later. Although the relics are resting in the House of
God-as they are traces of the real life of the saint-the
high vibrations of the place prove the celestial
emissaries are very close to us. My joy had no words. I
felt so close to the Saint and then, when I discovered
Saint Parascheva I felt complete, because I saw her
there, too. They were my two spiritual protectors. These
were the first I met among many others I met later on.
The Universal Energy School, which I had started in that special month of March, changed my life
in every ways, showing me the path. I learned to help people
without expecting any reward, without being interested where
they came from, what they are, how much they earn. I
became stronger in my faith, seeing we are not alone on the
earth and that its how I had made important steps on the
spiritual way. I still see myself in the beginning of my
spiritual climbing, as the way is very long and steep and a
lifetime is not enough to cross it.
During my inner change, I had to face failures and
success, doubt and certainties, all type of experiences,
lessons. God proved me that He was there for real, but also
that He loves all His children, that He suffers seeing us get
lost and He showed me that I can have an “appointment” with
Him and simply talk about my problems or my joys.
My dear friends, do not be amazed, I received
answers and I still do. God answers straight or by His
messengers that can be light beings, angels, saints or simple
people from around us, playing sometimes very important
parts in our spiritual climbing. I cannot stop telling you are an
experience of mine that marked me, made me risk and go
further, to the Light.

25
 In the same period when I had met Saint Ioan the New, in Suceava, I had the opportunity to meet
many people preoccupied with paranormal activities. I heard them talking about their successes, about the
cured diseases, about the messages received from different entities. I was fascinated because I had read
many books, but never talked to such people before. I was listening about traveling in time, about
communications with God, I was amazed, but I also felt sorry as I could not see or hear a thing. I felt
myself very small, a beginner, but very eager to know more. One afternoon, the sensational I was looking
for, showed up in my life, too. A new acquaintance of mine, Iulian, asked me if I wanted to come back in
the time to the period of pyramids. I was excited by such a proposal and I accepted it; suddenly he
changed the destination and I had to turn to the time when the Savior came on the Earth.
After a short ritual of purifying, asking for the protection oh a high entity – Saint Martyr
Parascheva-although I perceived it first as a game, an image crossed my mind. I could not believe it. I
saw, like in a painting, surrounded by frog, Jesus crucified, with the head in one side and a Roman soldier
was there, with a metal visor cap and a weapon in his hand.
I tried to tell what I saw through lots of tears. I kept crying for a long time. The great pain I had
felt and the guilt are now as present as back then. I felt ravished. A very important moment had been
revealed to me, to change my destiny. I had many times asked to see in order to believe and there I was
present to the punishment of the Light of the World. No one expected such a thing to happen and many of
the people I told about my experience did not trust me.
Every time I asked for God’s help, He had given it to me. Therefore, I started to communicate
with the light beings that are always near us, but they are very delicate, they do not break into our lives
suddenly, to guide us or to save us from different situations. We are the ones who have to decide upon
that, as it is said, “Ask and you will be given, look for and you will find out, knock and the door will be
opened to you!” (Matthew 7:7)
My dear readers, you saw how in crucial moments, different saints showed up into my life-Saint
Parascheva, Saint Dumitru, Saint Ioan the New from Suceava, Saints Emperors Constantin and Elena, the
Saint Archangels Michael and Gabriel, and also Peter and Paul, Saint Ilie and other superior beings,
whom I forgot by mistake or I don’t know their names and I shall ask all those to forgive me. All light
beings had played a great part in my life, helped my spiritual level. I thank all the Celeste entities for
being here with me, guiding me to Light and Truth, though I am not always aware of that. In the first
place, I want to thank Jesus and the Holy Virgin, who guide the seen and unseen world and I dedicate my
entire life to them.
“As long as you have the Light, believe in It, so as to be in it.”(John 12:36)

Chapter 3
Talking to my grandparents

21.08.1997 – Bucharest
At night, I had a dream about Picuta and then I felt the need to grab a pencil and some paper. I
knew very well I was going to get a message. Here are some significant messages.

“I dreamed about you last night, you were ill, having fever and I was very worried. I felt you so
close and I loved you as much as I always did. Do you want to tell me something?”
“Yes, I do. You know that I always come when something important is going on. Do not go to
Piatra Neamt by car, stay in Bucharest with the children. That is better for you all!”
“All right, so I will. Do you need something?”
“No, I feel fine. I am always taking care of you. Nevertheless, you have to take care of yourselves,
too! Drink many liquids and eat raw vegetables and fruits! Avoid being nervous and avoid the noises.
You should be more calm, balanced!“
“Tell me, the alms are getting to you?”
“Sure they are; they enjoy me and I am satisfied with them “
“What can I do to mobilize myself? I don’t feel like doing anything.”

26
 “It is simple. Use the prayer of the mind, learn the Credo. Do you remember the prayers I used to
tell you? Do learn them! Your thought will then be cleared. Change your life style! Walk more; eat easy
food, liquids and joy! Do not hate a grudge to people who made you sad, just laugh and be vivid-as I
know you are. Joy is the best medicine one can use!”
“What I am writing now, is it real? Are they my thoughts?”
“I am your thought. I am near you. You know that whenever you need me, your thought brings me
to you. Put your hand to your forehead. Can you feel the shiver after taking the hand away?”
“You are right. Forgive my doubts. I believe in your existence and I know you love me. I am sorry
I was not enlightened when you were alive, because your wiseness made me feeling the joy then, too. “
“It wasn’t the proper time for you. Every fruit has its time to ripen!”
“I shall do as you told me. I shall try to respect and honor advices.”
“Be guided by my advices and try to teach the rest of the family to do the same. It is for your own
good. Be united and love each other. Take care mostly of your family! Forgive those who harmed you
and ignore them “
“Thank you!”

Comments:
I had this dialogue for about 30 minutes. Although I knew the recommendations that Picuta had
given me through the Laws of Mentalism, I did not use them in this communication in a conscious
manner.
I was awake, in a normal state and I was even interrupted several times. It was my first written
communication. I kept telling her “you”(as “Madam”) as I used to, in my childhood, because I have
always respected her.
I followed the advices she gave me as much as I could and I learned the Credo

01.09.1997 – Bucharest
“Your birthday is very close. I am thinking of you and I think we should talk. I read books about
communications to get used to it. Tell me, please, do you have something to tell me?”
“Yes, I do. Keep on believe. You are making progresses. Work with your mind, do not let it
empty. Few words, but with a reason. Today you started all right. Keep the energy for another time when
you will need it. The power is inside you. Do not forget that if you do nothing, your mind is torpid. Make
large and quick steps, exercises of concentration, prayers.”
“Do you think I can ask you about USA?” (I had written to the Visa lottery.)
“Yes, but it is not the good choice for you now. Your waiting is in vain, forget it! The postman is
not coming to get you the news you are expecting for. “
“It is O.K. What is going on with Mihaela?
“The lack of faith, the curses and especially the lack of love. She needs the love and God. Pray for
her. “
“You are right, I have almost forgotten her. Are you satisfied by our progresses?”
“Yes, I am happy to see you clear, but you can do more than that. Try to go beyond your own
limits, in a spiritual way, of course. Read the Bible and then experience.”
“I think that Saint Parascheva and Saint Anthony the Great are my protectors. In fact, I can feel it.
Can I talk to them?”
“Yes, but you must have a special reason to call them, as they are high spirits and they have
“superior” works to solve up there.”
“I was wrong not making any steps, in the past, isn’t it?”
“We all make mistakes. It is important to stop doing them. The Father forgives those with clear
and true heart, after they admit their mistakes. You have to teach yourself how to forgive! The Light is
there with all of you. Open your eyes! The spiritual light is so strong and you have to see it and make the
others see it, too.”
“Thank you so much. Do you need anything else?”
“A peeled apple, you eat it!”

Comments:

27
 I became closer to her and I addressed her with “you”. The curiosity made me ask about the
future. I was hoping to win at the Visa Lottery, but then I forgot about it.
Mihaela is a friend of mine, who, at that time, had a strange behavior, being very difficult for her
to adapt herself. The explanations I received were so real-because the lack of love from her life destroyed
her personality. I was communicated for my first time how good it is to love and to forgive.

07.10.1997 – Piatra Neamt

“You know, I feel like crying. I think about how good you were and you still are!”
“Do not cry! I am here with you. Have courage, faith! You had a good start. Do not give up! You
will meet many obstacles, be sure, but it is important not to give up!”
“What can you tell me about the kids?“
“Everything will be all right. It is all going to change-your children, your work, but in a good way.
Teach them to believe! Insist upon that! Do not give up, no matter how tired you are!
“Picuta, do you need something?”
“Yes, your love and faith. Be happy
and don’t ever give up!”
“I am sorry I didn’t bring you any
flowers at the cemetery!”
“The flowers are in your heart and
mind. I have already received them. Do not
give up! The health is the most important.
Do not eat tins, but vegetables and fruits,
water no coffee. You are forgetting. Come
to your senses!”

“Grandfather, long time ago, when

I was a child, you wrote me that I would
get very far. Isn’t that so?”
“Dear girl, you are right. I advice
you to go to the church and think of me
when you sing because I enjoyed very much to sing in the lectern. Don’t give up, you can go wherever
you want to!”
“Do you need something?”
“Some bread, salt, eggs and wine. Some red wine…”
“You will have them. I love you my dear grandparent. Good-bye!”

Comments:
At that time, I did not know I was going to change my work and that happened until the end of that
month. I was not very healthy either and I needed the diet, although I did not use it, as I should have.
After the communication, I shared the things my grandfather had asked for. Then I felt relieved I
had kept my promise.

09.02.1998 Piatra Neamţ

“I do not wish to disturb you for no reason. Tell me if you are here …”
“Of course I am. I am very glad that you are not forgetting your past. You talk too much, too
much wasted energy. Try to get it back!”
“I still make mistakes. I know we all have to pay, but…”
“We all make mistakes. Work for you and in the favor of the ones, you love The good will turn to
you and the mistakes will be forgotten. It is IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHEN YOU ARE WRONG
AND TO CORRECT YOURSELF! You have a mission and a few stages to pass. Do not be scared. Love
is everything. Give more love, kindness, light and the way will be more clear and easy to you.”
“What should I do about Ph. D.? Shall I go on? Does it worth?
“It is profitable to fight. Wait until you come back from Suceava (I was going to a seminar of
computers for two weeks). You will have new ideas and the good thought. Don’t hurry in any way!”

28
 “What shall I do with the kids? They make me angry…”
“That will pass. They are changing and the influences of the environment are very difficult to
understand. But they will succeed…”
“Today became tomorrow. I shall go to Iasi to Saint Parascheva. Are you coming with me?”
“What do you think? You are not on your own as you might think! The good thoughts are sending
you there. Work with them, send them away, and amplify them! Do only good to everyone FORGIVE
and LOVE! You will get very far…(but not on Earth). Be always watchful at new information. Send
away the false information. Select and do not let you be captured! PRAY! Patience, patience. Be modest,
do not flatter yourself. All is dust in the wind. The mind is eternal. Work with your mind all the time, with
things that are useful for you and your friends.
Learn things that do attract you. All the things you do with pleasure are more powerful in every
ways. The perfunctory things must be thrown away. Preach THE LOVE. But first of all, take care of you,
be kind and calm.”
“Thank you. I remember that seven years have passed since you went away…”
“Time doesn’t matter. It is only for you, the time. Don’t think about the time!”
“On what level are you?”
“Ten, if you think that matters. Take care of your own level for when you will leave. Be as higher
as you can!”

Comments:
All the underlined words and those written with capital letters do not belong to me, I received
them like that. As I wanted, I arrived to Iasi, to the relics of Saint Parascheva. My two days trip in Piatra
Neamt and Iasi were more than enjoying for my soul. Besides the gift of those lines, I had regained my
native energy.
After I came back from Suceava in March 1999, I was more balanced. I graduated The Universal
Energy course, I gave up the Ph. D. degree that indeed had flattered me and I found my inner peace. I
thank God and the Sons of Light, for the chance to be here and now on Earth.

Note
All these notes had a funny destiny. I kept them in a small and old notebook, which could have
never attracted someone, but one day it simply disappeared. I had never read them again (after I wrote
them) and I had forgotten about them. One day I noticed a notebook that looked very much like it, in the
hands of my little boy. It is true, it looked a little different, and it was my son's notebook for drawings.
Still, the pages very dear to me remained there, a little maimed, but on their way to the garbage,
something stopped them.
I tried very hard to put them back together. I read them again, but I had never thought they would
be published. The notes are very true and I realized that a little later.

Chapter 4
Messages from the Light Beings

For many times I spoke in my mind, with the light beings, saints, angels, spiritual masters, but as
we well know “the words we say are not forever, but the writing is”. I used to forget the messages, the
advices, very often. At the beginning, I tried it with shyness, because I thought I was too small and too
much a sinner to talk with those entities, but there was a moment when I took the decision of trying.
Of course, I have never asked them if I was going to win the Lottery, about the marks of the kids
at school, or other trifles. When I do not know what to do, when I need a real support for the things I want
to do, with the will of God, I ask for help. I can’t say I have a great experience or that I have preferences,
I just know that the Light Being are very close to us and every time we ask for their support, they come
and guide us kindly. In order not to be mistaken or to disturb an entity, I often ask the Saint Trinity to
send me the saint or the light being disposed to help me in that particular moment of time.

29
 Here there are some messages I received in different circumstances. Every time I read them, I
thank Good God for the opportunity He gave me to hear through my soul, the Divine Voice.
It is a miracle, everyone can do it, but we have to believe that we are not alone, that seen and
unseen forces help we grow up in Light and Love. If we always listen to the voice of our soul, that never
lies, then the true way opens in front of us and what some of us might consider as wonders, will be in fact
usual things.
The more I wanted to do something great, to imitate, to look for sensation, I was going further
from the target. I can’t give you a prescription to get closer to God, but I can remind you some
ingredients: positive thinking, trust in the inner power,
perseverance, simplicity, modesty, patience, calm,
acceptance, consistency, hope and why not…joy.
Every one of these is melted together in everyone’s
personality, as everyone chooses to, because we are
unique. The result is in each of us and if we do not like
it, we have to change quantities, if we really wish to go
further and if we know where we want to reach.
Please, forgive my culinary and funny introduction,
but I had to say that before I began some serious
matters.

May 1999 Campina

Julie Hasdeu

I was aware that I communicated, in the spring

of 1999, with Julie Hasdeu. I was visiting the Castle
named after her, in Campina, and that was not my first
time. Years before, I had a special experience there,
too. The castle was in reconstruction and the access of
visitors was not allowed, but the museographer
allowed me to come in. The rooms had no furniture
and in the main room, there was a statue of the Savior, having the size of a real man. The statue was going
to be disposed on a ladder with the shape of a chalice. After crossing the whole room, I stopped just in
front of this statue. We were face to face. Suddenly the eyes of the statue flashed my mind. I can feel right
now the power of that look. I became a “statue” myself. He looked at me with anger. I was not as He
expected me to be. I took some deep breath and I looked at His face again. He stopped staring at me; His
eyes were cold, like a stone, with no expression at all.
At the beginning I doubted, I thought I had an illusion. Then I understood the message: His eyes
were after me, I was not allowed to make mistakes anymore, I had to find a new and right way.
Every time I could, I came back to the Castle. The statue of Jesus was up there, at its place and I
could not see the look, but I could feel it. It was warmer and kinder as I myself had progressed spiritually.
The atmosphere in the Castle is always full of mystery. Julie’s piano, the books, Hasdeu's office,
the room of spiritism–bring a different way of feeling–like a mystery novel.
Then I felt a special thing. When looking at Julie’s doll, that she certainly had loved very much,
my tears began to fall. A deep pain grew in my chest and I felt Julie there, with me, suffering. With tears
in my eyes, I went into the room of spiritism. Under a glass I saw the manuscripts written by Hasdeu, the
mechanic writing, the messages received from Julie, beyond reality. I prayed for their spirits and then I
left in deep sorrow.
The car was driving me to Bucharest, but my mind remained in Campina. I felt that Julie wanted
to tell me something. I was covered with emotion. I took a pen and put it easily on a piece of paper. I did
not look at the paper and I emptied my mind. I had the feeling that my hand was moving. The car was
running very fast. Some signs appeared on my paper. A short, sharp but incredible handwriting:
“BELIEVE! GOD LOVES US ALL!” I looked at it, amazed and my heart started to beat faster. Julie
was for me a divine messenger!

30
 It was my first and single experience of this kind. I know that Julie’s spirit is full of light and very
close the Holy Father and she came to me, crossing space and time (these are limits only for the people),
to wake me up. TO BELIEVE is the most important thing in life! These are not just words. This light
being, a pioneer of communications had chosen the easiest way to make her be understood. I saw that her
communications with her father were also real. Generally, every thing you cannot understand seems
incredible, but the more you understand, the more doubt disappears.
Dear Julie, get all my love and gratitude, there, where you are, in the Ocean of Love of Holy
Father!

Note:
Julie Hasdeu was a Romanian genius. Daughter of a great scientist and writer – Bogdan Petriceicu
Hasdeu – Julie lived only 19 years and she let her ”heirs” a valuable literary work. Because she spent her
studying years in Paris, her poems are written mostly in French. After her premature death, her father
been guided by her spirit to build the castle from Campina, a real temple of spiritualism, and her grave in
Bellu cemetery, in Bucharest. Through the messages she had sent beyond death, Julie revealed many
truths that the human being cannot know on a rational way, proving once more that the soul is immortal
and that space and time are limits that can be passed.

07.12.1999 Targoviste
Saint Martyr Filofteea

“Saint Filofteea, today is your birthday. I want to ask you something. Can you communicate with
me for 10 minutes?”
“Forget about counting and don’t doubt!”
“Tell me, please, what can I do for Vasile? Has he got enough light inside him?”
“Of course he does. You had a good start. Pray for him alone, love him. He needs love and he
needs it from ancient times. Love him with all your heart as he is and do not try to change him or tease
him. He needs you and his soul knows that. Dress him always in light. The time when he will shine is
very close.”
“Saint Filofteea, what do you say about my kids?”
“They are good, too. They have all the doors opened. They are both growing up and the third one,
as you call Vasile, will flourish, you will see. Use a lot of love and do not expect immediate effects. You
are in a hurry. Take a break.”
“Is measuring with the radiesthesy wire correct, is the information real?”
“It doesn’t matter. You have to learn from the information you receive; it does not matter if they
are real. Your life is in
fact a great illusion! “
“The 10 minutes
are over. Please, tell me
about what else should I
know.”
“There are lots
of things, but the most
important for you, right
now, is to keep the path.
Pray, be good, love, do
not look for rational
explanations! Do what
the soul tells you to do
and it is never wrong.
Trust us, all the light
beings that are near you
and inside you. Let
yourself be guided by us and fight with the reason: do not let it be over you! Tomorrow at Dealu

31
monastery, you will have a confirmation; you will feel or see something. If you do not see it right away,
wait, it will come!
You are not alone! We are with you. We are very many.
LOVE! BE PATIENT! WAIT AND BELIEVE!
Teach others with patience!
I must go now. I am happy you have been thinking about me. Thank you for reading my prayer. I
shall be always waiting for you! You are the light! I love you!”

Comments:
I know about Saint Martyr Filofteea that she had been a girl of 12 years old, a Holy Bride of
Jesus and she came closer to God through her faith and noble deeds. I “met” her at Curtea de Arges
Monastery, where, for almost 8 centuries, her relics are resting in peace. I was impressed by the little
coffin that is the prove of the saint’s life on earth and I was surprised by the wonderful smell I felt there,
in that part of the monastery.
On the 7-th of December, it is celebrated the day of this saint, whose relics are here, in Romania. I
felt like honoring her and I read a prayer.
My questions might seem childish, but the answers I received cleared my mind. For instances,
Vasile-an adolescent I care very much about, is a soul that tries many temptations in these times. In order
to help him I have to use a single key, Unconditional Love, but it is so difficult to give, to learn to offer
such a Love!
After you learn to love without any other reason, then you have to try it, to be strong and to stop
waiting for rewards or without judging your neighbor. Life is a permanent school, but the lessons are not
only theoretical, the practical exercises are sometimes very hard, too. The next day I was getting the
confirmation of the message. You will have the occasion to see what surprise I had to meet at Dealu
Monastery. I thank this wonderful entity for everything!

08.12.1999 Dealu Monastery

Mihai Voievode the Hero

A day before, Saint Martyr Filofteea had prepared me for

something very special. I could not have known what it would
happen next. In the afternoon, I arrived to Dealu Monastery; I had
not been there for 25 years and I could not remember much of it.
Although the sun was going down in silence and the sky was all
red, the monastery was covered with an unusual light-shining
white. The nuns were saying prayers and a few peasants were
praying under knees. I entered the monastery with emotion and I
was very anxious to see the magical message. Nothing happened.
Three candles were burning, one in the front of the altar and the
others in front of the icons; they were flickering, but no “waves” of
air existed there. I thought this was a sign, but I was still waiting. I
prayed and then went out.
Outside, there was a small group guided by a nun that was
going to the museum. I went together with the group and entered
there very quickly. I was drawn next to a picture that represented
the skull of Mihai Voivode the Hero. I felt a terrible pain in my
soul, my eyes were full with tears and I stood there, incapable to
move. Then I walked a few steps and came back and so on, until we left the museum. I wanted so much to
get to the hotel. There, I took a pen in my hand and start writing and was surprised! I have read this
message to many people and all of them felt the same, truth and sadness.
“Dear Mihai the Hero, I feel that you have something to tell me. If not so, please forgive me.”
“Yes, I do. You felt me suffering. Thank you for your help. God sent you. I wandered a lot. Your
helplessness hurts me. (He was referring to the Romanian people.) I am hurt to see that are not united.
The union is the power. Put your souls together in faith.”

32
 “Where are you now?”
“I am on my way to the Light. My steps are in order.”
“Where is your body?”
“Does it matter? I have a body of light now. “
“Great Voivode, you meant a lot for this country. Helps us find you again and be united!”
“Yes, you want my help, but whom do you help? You harm each other; you are not better than my
traders Fight with yourselves and you will succeed. Do you want a message? None will believe you! All
of you are getting messages every day. You do not even hear them. How much do you think the chaos
will go on? Very little. The selection is being made! Pray that God helps you! You have to wake up!
Where is your trust? What about your courage?“
“Did you suffer a lot?”
Suffering is an illusion. I had to. Thank you. You felt me and helped me. Something moved inside
you when you were at the museum. You are building the future! Your thoughts, your faith-this is the
future!”
“Do you need something?”
“Your love. Remember me more often. I shall help you. I am sad with all your lack of trust and
hope. I do not need food, alms. I am going to new heights. For about 400 I have been running around.”
“When you showed up at the Army’s museum, what did you want to send us?”
“I wanted to tell you to be united. Nothing is easy to get. This country needs something new! Do
not forget me! Forgetting means pain, no matter where you are. Injustice and forgetting …Give love and
that is what you will get. I feel pity for you. You (the people) are so helpless!”

Note:
Mihai Voivode the Hero is a great Romanian ruler; he was the first one who firstly united the 3
Romanian lands- Moldavia, Ardeal and the Romanian Land, in 1601. The nobility had betrayed him and
his traders took off his head. His body disappeared and his head is at Dealu Monastery. A few years ago,
when a movie was shot at the Army Museum, the cameras recorded the appearance of the voivode’s head,
without its image to be seen with the physical eyes. In that situation, the great patriot, who suffers when
seeing his People miserable, wanted to make them pay attention, to wake them up, to be united in love
and faith.

31.12.1999 Bucharest
Saint Martyr Parascheva

“My guarding saint, please, what message do you wish to

send me now, when we are very close to the year 2000?”
“I wish you to be strong. Big changes will come. We are not
anticipating them. Maybe that your behavior will change that, it is
up to you, your thoughts, and your acts.
Love the people!
Pray for them! Respect the laws! Do not doubt yourself or
us! Have positive thoughts! Everything depends on you! You are
the key, remember it! Everyone makes his own life! Faith is no
empty word! You should always have an ideal to aim at! You have
to give your mind and soul every day task! The lack of activity,
being lazy-is everybody’s enemy. Fight to spread the Light you are
receiving! With love and a Happy New Year!”

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 12.02.2000 Bucharest
Saint Ioan the New from Suceava

“I miss you!”
“I am right here. Thank you for missing me. I care
about you and help you as I can, but I cannot tell anything
about the future. Wait, be strong in your faith and you will
succeed. The power is inside you, we come when we have to,
you are not alone. The seeds are germinated and soon the
blades are showing up. Enjoy it! Follow your dreams with
calm and patience, modesty. All you seed is going to have
fruits, if you add true love. When offering you will be
offered! I embrace you!”

19.02.2000 Bucharest
The Guardian Angel

“Saint Trinity, please send me a messenger to help me

clear my mind, to find out what I should do.”
“I am your guardian angel, Mariel.”
“Thank you. It is for the first time I am aware to
contact you. It is a real joy. What is going on with me, why
am I so determined to do something for my people?”
“It is the voice of your conscience, of your invisible
helps and you started to know your duty. Do not give up!
Keep on walking! Write, write, and write everywhere. Talk to the people, you know you can do miracles.
You are not alone. The ones who help you are coming and they are very many. Be careful! Do not look
for the glory! Be modest! Do not be too much bend on success. This is a trap. Do not wish for a social
position, do not involve into politics, and do not give up in front of the temptations. Be yourself-simple,
patient, but always a fighter. Take it slowly! Write, write, and write! Through writing, you will do many
things. Don’t be discouraged in any domain and by anybody!”
“Thank you, my angel and you have all my love!”

Comments:
The dialogue was not premeditated. A day before I had
read in a newspaper a comment about the accident that polluted
with cyanide, in Baia Mare. Something moved then inside me, I
felt the need of addressing to the people, in order to save the
nature, and to wake them up until it is too late, as the misery
attracts moral and spiritual miseries, also.
Therefore, I conceived two opened letters for all my
brothers in Romania and I sent them to two successful
newspapers. Although I haven’t received any answer by now, the
seeds I threw by these letters, will certainly give fruits!
It was true that my book was expecting me for almost a
year. The message I received meant so much to me, that I focused
all my forces to finish the mission I had been given by the
invisible, a year before.

25.03.2000 Bucharest
The Annunciation

Saint Archangel Gabriel-The Archangel of Joy

34
 “Saint Archangel Gabriel, you are the messenger of Joy. I dedicate you my book, today. Thank
you for the joy you seed into my soul every day! Please, send me your message, for me and for the
readers!”
“May the joy be always with you, to seed the joy and to be happy doing that!

“Here is my message for you:

The world is changing, is coming back to the faith and makes it stronger. The lessons that life
wants to teach have to be learned in order to evolve. By your way of being, playful and vivid, you bring
joy but do not be too sure that is it.
Everyone has to let the change come and be happy to see it. You are not allowed to change people
and, in fact, you cannot do that. Write, speak, plant the seeds, but do not wait for the fruits immediately.
Do not be angry when someone you write or you speak to, do not react. You have planted
something with the help of the light beings, but the moment when that person will “pick up the fruits”
only depends on him!
Do not stop, keep walking! Love and friendship are noble feelings and they have to be
perpetuated. Listen to your inner voice and pray to walk on your path to the Truth and Light, with Faith
and Patience.

To the readers of this book:

Open your soul in front of God. Pray to be strong and to follow your right way. Only the Divine
light can show you the path, but you must ask God that!

As fast as you find your path in life and are close to your spiritual aim, not material one, the more
you are achieving and successes will be bigger.

Have faith in God, as God can give everything.

LIGHT, LOVE, FORGIVENESS, seed that and you will get more!
The Annunciation may always be in your souls!”

Chapter 5
Following God

I do not know how many of us dreamed of going where the Savior lived, to become pilgrims in
the Holy Land, but I know that this desire changes something inside us. Even if you are an atheist,
uneducated or a real sinner, when you arrive to these places full of spirituality, it is impossible not to
change-to become much brighter and to wonder: ”Who am I?”
Following God, you walk on the ways He walked, you can see with your own eyes the
Jerusalem’s fortress-the cradle of the Holy Scriptures, and you live with your own senses on the Holy
Land.
God offered me a great gift-to be a humble pilgrim for 10 days during the Easter’s Holidays of the
year 2000. I entered Israel prepared to live unique moments, to have revelations and to write, because I
had taken two thick notebooks with me. The notebooks remained unwritten, as the revelations do not
come when you wish them to, but my soul is full of memories, anyway.
I considered it a real pilgrimage. For thousands of years, the same places reveal the realities of the
Old and New Testament, of Savior’s presence, of His miracles, of the tragedy…it would be absurd to take
back the route that many others described so well and completely. The places speak themselves through
their vibrations.
I shall tell you a few impressions, anyway.
For 8 years I had been looking for a book whose title remained into my mind, without knowing its
contents:” Jesus Christ’s Disciple”, by Sotirios Crotos. The image of the white cross, in the middle of a
white circle, all on a black cover-persisted into my mind. Before my leaving to Israel, I was very happy to
find this book. When I left, I put it into my bag and at the airport; I started reading it with my eyes and
35
soul. This special book was a valuable guide into the Holy Land; it is a sort of a New Testament, simply
written by a contemporary and a disciple of the Savior. The Greek doctor, named Sotirios Crotos, helped
me understand, feel and live with pleasure my visit in this special country. It seems very strange to me
that when I came back in Romania, this book was everywhere I looked. I know now that everything
comes when it is meant to be, when you are ready!
The group of pilgrims was various. There were a few nuns, cheerful and vivid, there were
disciples from the monasteries, very sad, dull and all dressed in black, simple women, country women
with head kerchiefs and golden teeth, two managers of a firm, with many rings and with mobile phones
ringing and ringing, old men with walking-sticks, a troublesome priest, whom we were always loosing on
our ways-this man was coming from the North of Moldavia and he was wearing a funny cloche on his
head. Then, it was a Romanian woman who had lived in Canada for 10 years and she wanted to bring
home all the holiness of the places; she was always unhappy and she argued a lot. There were also a few
dizzy young girls, who seemed to come from another world; there were reporters with cameras, a family
with an authentic Mister Goe, who could make Caragiale himself be proud of. In the same group, there
was a family of bigoted doctors, with a daughter (also a doctor) moving without life and a son (an
engineer in electronics), always too severe. The strangest character was a serious and rigid woman,
always dressed in clothes with black polka dots, with her head covered with some black kerchief (I heard
she was a teacher) and she only wanted to pray…She was always saying she was not interested in
something else and argued with everybody; when the Jewish guide described the paces, she started
singing all by herself, religious and sad songs, defying everybody and everything that was “lay”. It was a
diverse, colorful group, with many nuances of religious extremes.
I presented you only some of my partners in this voyage, as their behavior and reactions taught me
a new lesson. Watching them and listening to them, I became sad, even if I did not want. To I even tried
to understand them, but it was more that I could do, sometimes.
Sacred places-everywhere. The priest who guided this ”flock” was a young and vivid man, who
represented the Romanian Patriarchate; he wore a camera always with him, but he prayed with us a few
times a day. Most of the pilgrims fell under knees, kissed any religious object, laid clothes, glasses and
other things on the sacred graves, above the relics, on the biblical places or even on the Moslem’s places
or of the Bahai religion. There was a crowd hard to describe…humble faces in front of the icons, relics
and graves, trampling at the springs of the Holy Virgin, filled bottles with water from Jordan river, where
most of them pushed one another to get a new christening, little rocks pulled out from the caves, the
flowers that hardly grow from that arid land-were simply picked up and taken home. It happened
something even more surprising: on the Way of the Cross (on Via Dolorosa), there are a few original
rocks, very old and situated in the middle of the street. In the crowd, where the Arabians and the Jewish
met our Christians and other guests from different countries, I noticed a few people kneeling all of a
sudden and kissing piously the road. They were from our group. At first, I started laughing, but then I
realized I should better cry.
I was looking at that crazy thing and wondering: “ Is this faith?” I know that faith cannot be
obtained by touching, it does not come from outside. I felt my soul crying when I saw the others were
desperate and troubled because they tried to
take home a part of this holiness, to take the
divinity impregnated in their clothes, in water
and other things. Hearing some comments
like: “ The ones that do not do that are not
faithful”, I remember the old saying “the ones
that are not with us are against us”. Moreover,
I think it is very sad.
It is the year 2000. In addition, I
wonder if the faith means head kerchiefs, long
skirts, black clothes, a sad look or rosaries, or
the length of the prayer. I do not want to
judge, I am just an observer. I regretfully
notice that some people are running from
themselves, they close themselves into a circle

36
of rules, some of them self-taxied living in a different world with artificial, false faith. Nevertheless, God
loves the beauty, life, and people who are made after Him. To be preoccupied with your looks, to be
vivid, to laugh, to enjoy life, is not a sin, I believe!

Nazareth

The small town in Galileea remained for ages the testimony of the news that Holy Virgin received
from the Archangel Gabriel:” Be happy, Mary, as you are very gifted and God is always with you. Be
blessed among the other women!”
The Orthodox Church of the Archangel Gabriel is built near the spring that has murmured for
2000 years and where Holy Virgin walked to get water from. The small church is full of joy, you can
even feel the presence of the great messenger, and you can live intensely every minute. There are no
limits in communication; the vibrations of the place go inside you, without you knowing it.
In my mind, I was always speaking with the Archangel, asking Him to row rays of joy over the
whole humanity, to wake it up from the deep sleep of 2000 years. I said good-bye to the place, knowing
that the Archangel Always comes when He has to and spreads the joy all over. The water from the Saint’s
spring refreshed me in every way. I felt that every pilgrim received a sign of annunciation from the
Archangel and I did believe that the sign would change their life at the right moment.

The picture above represents Holy Virgin’s spring from Nazareth

The Church of God’s Birth in Bethlehem

Bethlehem is the famous place where the Old and New Testament are “meeting each other” over
the years by fulfilling the prophecies:
“Bethlehem, the Land of Judah, from you
will come, the Master who will guide my people,
Israel.” The name of the city is translated in
Hebrew like “ The House of Bread”
Although in our times, Bethlehem is
occupied by Arabians-this is the most visited place
by the pilgrims on the sacred land of Israel.
In the Church of the Native, the entrance is
very close to the ground, as a sign of devoutness
(as everybody has to enter bending. Under the
Altar, there is the cave where Jesus was born and
it is made up of two small rooms, one of them
with a star with 14 angles representing the number
of the races of Israel’s relatives until the birth of
the Savior. In the other side, there is the manger in
which the Sacred Family lived. In that place, 2000
years ago, the Holy Father allowed His Son to
become a human being. I felt my entire body and
soul living the moment. The tears fell without
stopping. A true prayer came from my inside and
went straight to the sky: “God, please, wake all the
souls up, enlighten them and make them
understand you are not outside them, but INSIDE
themselves! Open their soul and mind and help
them find you again!” Some of my companions
were very anxious to have another picture taken
from the sacred place, touching it and crossing
them; they were all speaking in a loud voice and
they pushed one another…

37
 The deep prayer was getting out of my soul, moved by something unearthly, and I said to myself:”
God, I wonder, if you were now, here with us, how many of us would recognize you or believe you? How
many of us would push you away to take pictures with the holy places, Your places, and Your images?
Why are so many hypocrites still on Earth? May your sacred Light wake them up!”

Wadi Kelt Desert

I never knew how the iceberg is, but I found out. The same happened with the desert. However, I
finally saw it: stone as much as you can image. Here and there a few tufts of green-oleanders, very nice
colored but poisoned, and a few savage goats. Walking on the way through the desert that lies between
Jericho and Jerusalem and where the story of the Good Samaritan is said to have happened I reached
Saint Gheorghe of Hozeva Monastery-founded in 420A.C. by 5 monks.

Suddenly, we all became very proud and patriots. The Saint who was recently canonized by the
Romanian Orthodox Church rested there, after he was many years kept in the cave of a mountain. Saint
Joan Jacob the Hozeist from Neamt, dressed in new clothes, guides the monastery that is situated in a spur
of rock.

In the transparent coffin, He sleeps the sleep of holiness, seeming to give all the believers the
urge:” Believe, for God everything is possible!” Crowded and hurried by the other pilgrims I looked at
the Romanian saint with my heart and my eyes and asked Him to help us find the Light.

38
 Capernaum

The old Capernaum Fortress is known from the teachings of the Savior and the wonders that had
been made there. “When He came in Capernaum and He entered into the synagogue on Saturdays, He
taught them as one that has power, but not like old scholars.”

This place impregnated with history and

traditions and vestiges is dominated by the high
presence of Jesus, who had been there for many
times. Here, you have the feeling you are a witness to
the joy of the Apostle Peter’s mother-In-law healing;
you feel like a small disciple learning the teachings
spread by the World’s Light.
The ruins of the old synagogue, built over the
one which Jesus used to preach, in show that every
stone has its story. As a sign of appreciation, along
the years, people built churches. On the places where
the house of saint Peter used to be, a high Catholic
Church took its place. After you walk on a dusty
road, you pass near some very well-known trees with
thorns that formed Jesus’ crown (jojoba, as their
name is), you arrive to the Orthodox Church in
Capernaum, on the shore of the Tiberiada Lake. The
church welcomes you in a cheerful way, because its
roofs are red like blood and its walls are white.
However, when you come in, you joy disappears. You feel the need to meditate, to thank God for
everything He had given you, still gives you and will give and because you are on the way of the Savior.
It is something very special with the church-the icon of Holy Virgin is adorned with hundreds of offerings
that the pilgrims had given for years, as a content for the help they received. Around the icon are watches,
pens, little icons, beads and other personal things, together with hundreds of pictures. The icon is vivid
because it lives through the power of the faith of all the people (who came here) and the objects make it
even more vivid.
Under the kind look of Our Mother, you feel very small,
unimportant, but also protected by a love beyond compare. Every object
that had been brought here, is a history, but a victory of good, love and
light, too. Nevertheless, with his small gift, the Christian “climbed” on a
new spiritual level…he asked and then he admitted that the help of the
Divinity was real, but mostly he thanked for it.
I left Capernaum more powerful, taking with me the image of the
adorned icon-with all those banal human things and also “wearing”
something divine, and this is called love. The love “flew” all over those. A
similar icon I was going to see on Tabor Mountain, in the church of the
Change in Face. There, on Tabor Mountain, Jesus “changed His colors and
His face shone like the sun and His clothes became white like the light”
and “His disciples fell to the ground and were very much afraid.”

Jerusalem Fortress

Jerusalem has as a territory the mountainous lands of Judeea. In the

beginning, it was a Canaanite fortress, called Jebus-until its conquering by
the armies of David, around the year 1000 BC, King Solomon built there
the first temple where the kings of Judeea, who followed him, were buried. The Babylonians destroyed
the town in 586 BC. After a long period of exile, the Jews came back home, rebuilt the temple,
embellished it and used it until it was destroyed again by the Romans in the year 70 AD

39
 For four thousands years, Jerusalem has stood up and it is the same fortress with thick walls, gates
and oriental air. Narrow streets paved with golden stone walk you into a large labyrinth. Churches,
synagogues, mosques call you to pray. Oriental shops invite you to stop, at least to look. An exotic air
flows…spice, flavors…Colored faces of Arabians, dressed in white, young girls with covered faces,
traditional Jews dressed in black with curls that come out of their huge black hats, Jews with their head
covered with colored caps, western men who look around very curiously, Philippines-pilgrims withered
by the warm they have to endure every day. You stay there and look amazed at the variety of faces and
customs. A thought crosses my mind. God left on Earth different types of people, in order not to get
bored. Although we are very different at looking, with different beliefs, we all have in common
something-the divine drop-the soul that animates bodies, which are sometimes strange and funny, In fact,
no matter how we look or whom we believe in, we are all brothers, even if we do not know or do not want
to admit that.
Although I never wrote poems, recently a few lines came into my mind. It seems that the light
beings helped me. I discovered the answer to the question that some of us ask very often:

“Who am I?”

A sunshine
An aimless soul
Aimlessly through love
That came on Earth to plant
The wonderful seeds
Given in the sky.
I do not despair.
I am not angry.
Our way is normal
It is simple, earthly
Drawn in the sky
By Holy Father.
The parting is a leaf in the wind,
Illusion.
Space and time are for us
Confusion.
Love is a divine gift
40
 When kept clear
Make you serene.
You stand with power
Trouble and pain
In silence
And you forgive.”

Now, I go back. All the conquers from Assure, Babylon, Greece, Rome, Bezant, Arabia and the
crusaders considered Jerusalem as a precious Jowl. Every conquest brought changes and enriched the
fortress, made it stronger, although its history was written with blood on the stones. Here, in Jerusalem,
you can feel without age, you enjoy every moment, you live the present and the past in the same time, you
feel you belong there forever and that you are not a foreigner from somewhere else and you finally
understand the Bible is no story…You feel yourself closer to God. The vibration of the place covers you
and you take it home with you.
7 gates allow the communication of the old fortress with the outside. Every one has its own
architecture and a different history. The Gate of Lyons, of Damascus, of Sion, of Irod, Jaffa, the Dung
Gate-these being still used and the Golden Gate, that is called “Solomon’s portal” in the New Testament-
the place of the first Christian meetings, is walled up and it will remain that way until the second arrival
of the Savior.
Although my pilgrimage had not stopped, the thought of coming back woke up inside me.
Jerusalem brings you an inner waking up, you seem to be a part of it and it is a part of you, too. I cannot
give you the rational explanation but the urge: “Wish to “taste” the joy of meeting Jerusalem and you
certainly will step into it, one day, feeling like home and a man with no age!”

The Descending of the Sacred Light into the Church of the Holy Grave from Jerusalem, in
the year 2000

I many times heard stories about the Sacred Grave in Jerusalem. This can be found into a large
church that is made up of many churches; Greek, Coptic, Armenian, Ethiopian and a small catholic one.
Easter is something very special for the city, especially for the Orthodox. Every year, in Easter’s Eve
(nobody knows when this wonder had been firstly seen) between 12 and 15, in the middle of the day, the
Sacred Light comes inside the Holy Grave. Although this year I was there, it was impossible for me to see
the wonder, but I never doubted it was real, so I did not wait 36 hours like some of my comrades.
I admire these people who had been given the strength to stand all the difficult conditions-the
crowd, the cruel weather, the hunger, the thirst and others and to those God proved they were like Tomas
The Faithless before that.
Maybe the persons who saw the miracle would change in time, finding God again, in themselves
and they would stop thinking that holiness and faith can be taken through a touch or a photo, who knows?
Everybody has his way and his spiritual level and Light enters on the door, if it is opened and it
matters how much the door is opened…
Let me tell you now about the Sacred Light, as I was told by someone who was actually inside the
Church of the Holy Grave! Dozens of believers, especially orthodox, had waited for the miracle for
almost two days. Do not imagine that a certain time to wait is requested, but the space was limited and the
people entered the Church very early and they did not walk anyway, not to lose their seat. Many of them
were there for the first time and they did not know what was about to happen.
At almost 15 minutes past 2 o’clock in the afternoon, from the large cupola of the church, a blue
cloud and also transparent, went down and entered into the Holy Grave, spitted into 2 parts and came out
through the 2 holes of the grave. Then it crashed to the wall and little sparkles appeared and crossed the
church. The people cheered in all languages. Thirty-three candles (the years of Jesus on Earth) were
pushed through the holes of the Holy Grave and when they were taken out, they were burning.
Here and there, some candles burned all of a sudden. An Armenian monk, in the balcony of the
Armenian Church kept the first ones. For a few minutes, the flame does not hurt and the people touch
their face, clothes and then share the light to others. The ceremony started after the great orthodox priests
started to pray, together with the Orthodox Patriarch of Jerusalem.

41
 At 14:30, while the sun was burning, the Light from the inside the Grave spread all over the
streets of Jerusalem. The pilgrims came enlightened from the Church holding the light in their hands, on
their faces and inside their souls.
I heard this story from the priest who accompanied us, who recorded the descending of the Holy
Light on a video camera and showed it to us when we turned to the bus. In that way, we could see the
wonder too and the others saw it again. In the bus, an old lady told us with emotion how her candles
started to burn all of a sudden in her own hand.
One of the pilgrims, who were a reporter, told us he could not see anything, although he had been
inside the church. I wonder if this does not depend on how much
we believe…I am afraid the question has no answer yet…
After the Sacred Holidays of Easter finished, I visited the
Church of the Holy Grave myself. Some remembered the place
where they stood and what they saw, other looked for other
surprises.
Golgotha, in my mind and many others might think the
same, was a mountain, or a hill. In fact, it was a 5 meters high
rock. At its base, it was the split from the Crucifying Day.

This is an image of the top of Golgotha, the place where

the Cross was thrusted and Jesus was crucified on it.

„It was like the sixth hour and the darkness covered the
earth till nine o’clock, when the sun went down and the
iconostasis of the temple teared in the middle.”
(Luca 23:44, 23:45)

This is the image of the crack at the base of Golgotha.

In the back of Golgotha, there can be seen marks of

graves for 2000 years, deeply dug into the rock, candles for the
death…. The photos speak from themselves.

The Church of the Holy Virgin’s Grave:

About the raising of the Holy Virgin to the sky,

I first heard now, in Israel. Near the Gethsemane
garden, where the olive trees grow, there is a Church of
the Holy Virgin’s Grave. Being under the level of the
sea, the church looks like a cave. Descending many
stairs, passing near graves of Saint parents Joachim
and Ana and Saint Joseph, I arrived to the church that has the shape of a cross. The two wings of the cross
are also making up a cross and in the middle of the right cross there is a small cave with a stone upon
which The Holy Virgin rested after finishing her life. It is a very old stone and it was the support for the
Saint for three days until She was taken to the sky. Her body was never found and that stone represents
the grave. Sitting there, you receive waves of divine love that makes you good and understanding. I

42
started to look very kindly at my companions. There I understood the great love that Saint Mary has for
us, the children of God, She suffers for our mistakes, and She prays for us to be enlightened.

There are many other things to say, as every stone has its story, every place has its history, faith
and tradition. Pages from the Old Testament, the New Testament, from Lives of the saints, legends are
enriching the images of the present places, historical monuments and modern life. Christianity, Moslems,
Islamism seem to be arguing but they only prove that there is only one God, The Supreme Intelligence
and Absolute Qualities and that are LIGHT and LOVE.
The chaotic moment of the people will certainly be cleared one day. Then we shall hold hands and
feel ourselves like real brothers, sons of the Holy Father.

My dears readers, please forgive me bothering you with my story about the Holy Land. Although
in the beginning I just wanted to say a few things, here I am still very impressed by the wonderful places I
have seen and I hardly stop myself from telling…But please, consider my advice: if you want to follow
the Savior just want it, because from wanting to succeeding there is a small step. I started the pilgrimage
with a deep desire and no money, but the trip proved me that the impossible is possible. God brought me
the money (and you should know it means nothing compared to the spiritual richness I got). I considered
the trip as a divine gift.

The spiritual steps cannot be evaluated with money! Money is not forever. What you have inside
is eternal and nobody can rob you! Do not be a miser with the things that bring you joy, be wise! Leave
yourselves in the hand of God and believe; listen to your hearts and do not allow rationality master you. If
you listen to the rational, you walk towards a blind road and in the end you will get to what your soul tells
you. Nevertheless, be careful… time passes.

Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov, the spiritual master, in his book called “ Thoughts for everyday”-
dedicated to the year 2000, for 14-th of May, the day when I finished the book, he says:

“Dozens of offers come from everywhere, you are proposed objects that have to bring you
comfort, wealth and even happiness! Even if people will one day have all they are showed, and maybe
more, that will never solve their real needs. On the other side, the spiritual teaching will say:
Learn to rise through prayers, through meditation, up to the spiritual levels, where you will get
a subtle element, impossible to see, that will bring you everything, because it makes you feel the taste of
43
things. When you receive that element, you feel your entire nature vibrating and your life will be rich
and beautiful. Without this element, that seems unimportant in the beginning (and that is obtained
only through spiritual discipline), you gathered all things, you will always remain unfulfilled and
deceived.”

Chapter 6
“If you can believe,
everything is possible for the one who believes.”(Marcus 9:24)

Prayers that open the ways

I thought of finishing this book with a selection of prayers, which arrived to me from different
places. The persons who told them and considered them useful, wanted to offer them to others in order
that they enjoy their benefice result. Although the form and the contents of the prayer does not matter too
much, as the thought is the most important, your request or your thanks, I consider that by their beautiful
words, these prayers invite us to use them and to honor the Creator, because “ All you ask for, when you
pray, to believe that you already received it and you will.” (Marcus 11:24)

The prayer of the last abbot of Optino

God, let me get all the things that tomorrow brings with a peaceful soul.
Allow me to give myself entirely to your Sacred Will.
All day, today, advice me and support me,
No matter how the news I get today is,
Teach me to receive it calm and strong in faith
Because over everything there is your sacred will.
In all my acts and words, You guide my thoughts and feelings.
When something unexpected comes,
Do not let me forget that everything comes from You
Teach me to be opened and wise with each members of the family of confessors,
Making nobody miserable or sad.
God, give me the power to stand the tiredness of this day
Moreover, all the happiness it contains.
Guide my will and
Teach me how to pray, to hope, to believe, to love, to be patient and to forgive.

Morning Prayer

God, in the quietness of this new day,

I ask you for the peace, wisdom,
The power to see the world today with eyes full of joy,
To be patient, understanding, kind and wise,
To see your children beyond the appearances, as you see them Yourself
In addition, in that way I have to see only their good parts.
Close my ears to all slanders,
Keep my tongue away from bad things,
And may my blessing thoughts remain into my spirit.
To be as good and cheerful
That everybody around me to feel your presence.
Cover me, God, with all your beauty
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And may along this day I honor you and worship you!

Thanks

In the morning

I thank you God for giving me life and health.

Fill my heart with love and give me the power to follow your Will up to the end,
And my actions to be for Your Glory and Your name.

In the evening

God IS and His power to cure runs into myself making me completely healthy, peaceful, balanced,
endowed with divine beauty and understanding.

The prayer of LOVE

God, Give us Your Divine Gift and give us Your power

To love You and Your entire Creation.
Give us the happiness to feel You inside ourselves
Moreover, make us capable to communicate with You.
Without You, God, nothing is possible
Only by your Will, we are light from light,
Love from love, truth from truth, will from will,
Knowledge from knowledge, thinking from thinking.
And in this way You give us, Your creation,
The quality to be free creatures, to be ourselves.
Help us be worthy of everything You put in us
And guide us to all we want, to think, to feel and do.
We, through Your Gift, can destroy the fear,
Hate, selfishness, vanity and ignorance inside us,
In order to have the ways of eternity wide open.
Allow us, God, to raise to You,
Free, through art, science, philosophy and faith,
Because they are four, but also one.
And the fruit of our activity, like ourselves, to be
A hymn of success honoring You.
Listen, God to our requests and give us the
Wisdom of not wanting something wrong and
That is not good for us.
Forgive God, our mistakes and wanderings
In addition, give us the strength to forgive the mistakes of others, too.
Courageous and strong because we are protected by You,
Make us not to give up in front of the obstacles and hardships of life,
Or our weaknesses.
But to receive Your decisions serene and piously
In addition, may your wish come true.

The prayer of the angels of the four elements

God The Almighty, The Creator of Sky and Earth,

Kind and forgiving Father, send me Your four Angels:

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The Angel of Earth, The Angel of Water,
The Angel of Air, The Angel of Fire,
That Your will to be manifested through me.

May The Angel of Earth come and get all the offal from my body
And they have to be taken by the Earth
And send back transformed in health and purity.
May He clean my entire body,
That my lives to be like an engine inside me.
May my entire person feels relived, freed, relaxed
In order that the Justice and God’s Land to come on the Earth.

May The Angel of Water come and wash my heart’s stains.

May unselfish love enter my heart and bring me joy and happiness.
May my heart be clear, clean as crystal and transparent as the Justice
In addition, God’s Land to manifest on Earth.

May The Angel of Air come and purify the metal,

Enriching it with wisdom and light.
May my thinking become deep, clear,
And radiant for God’s Land and Justice to be on Earth.

May The Angel of Fire, The Angel of Sun,

To come and hallow my soul and spirit.
May absolute Truth come over me entirely.
May my Soul and Spirit know eternal life
And be the place for divine power,
In order that God’s Land and Justice to come on Earth.

“God, give me the power to be quiet and peaceful

When facing tomorrow.

Give me power to let myself to You, Holy Will

Moreover, every moment be with me and make me strong.

Any news tomorrow might bring, good or bad,

Teach me to get it with a pacified heart and to be sure
That Your Will is over everybody.

May what I do or say Your Will to govern my mind and heart,

And when unexpected happiness will come over me
Help me fulfill them, as You want them to.

Give me the power to work hard and with wisdom

Without bothering or harming the other one.

Help me, God, to pass over tomorrow

In addition, everything this day will bring.
Teach my will and teach me
How to pray, to hope, to endure, to love and forgive.

And when I pray, You should be the One who prays inside me.”

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 Chapter 7
Saying “Good- bye”

My story ended, but my life goes on and the miracles show up every day. I almost got used to
them, but also got used to the limits I run to, and I raise and go on, full of trust, faith and love.

Thank you my dear readers, for having the patience to read this story. Every life is a novel, every
destiny has a way and we always learn from our and others experiences. Have courage and write your
thoughts and experiences, every one of us is Unique, so we cannot be bored reading.
Moreover, as you know, we are not alone, the light beings are very close to us, we only have to
think about them and ask for their help.
Why should we believe we do not have talent or to feel that our thoughts are banal? Everything
matters and Life, this great Gift, has to be honored and glorified. From mistakes, sufferance, but from
happiness too, we learn to be better, more faithful and we discover our mission that God settled for us,
here and now, on Earth.
To live on Earth the value of “here” and “now” and to do a holiday of everything, that is the thing!
Faith and Love are not abstract notions, they are parts of our Life, and even many times, we do not
understand that. The power and help are not outside us, but inside us!

I embrace you, my dears readers, I send you all my love and please, remember always that God
exists, He loves us all in the same manner and help us when we ask Him, to. He works through people
and for the people and Heaven are on Earth, is in our soul, in our Life, it is what we build, the people, the
thoughts, the words and our deeds.

“Exiled sons of my country

Sad between strangers
Do not forget your mission
To Be Romanians and Christians!”

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That is the message that this icon transmits. It is in the Romanian Establishment in Jerusalem.

“It seems so strange to me

That we have time to hate
That life is only a drop
Between this moment and the other one.
And it is hard and sad to understand
Why don’t we pick up flowers?
Why don’t we look at the sky more often?
Why don’t we love?
We, who die so fast.”

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