Power And Influence

How to Intervene When a

Manager Is Gaslighting Their
Employees
by Mita Mallick

September 16, 2021

Chris Clor/Getty Images

Summary. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where an individual tries

to gain power and control over you by instilling self-doubt. Allowing managers who
continue to gaslight to thrive in your company will only drive good employees
away. Leadership training is only... more

“We missed you at the leadership team meeting,” our executive

vice president messaged me. “Your manager shared an
excellent proposal. He said you weren’t available to present.
Look forward to connecting soon.”

In our last one-on-one meeting, my manager had

enthusiastically said that I, of course, should present the
proposal I had labored over for weeks. I double-checked my
inbox and texts for my requests to have that meeting invite sent
to me. He had never responded. He went on to present the
proposal without me.

Excluding me from meetings, keeping me off the list for

company leadership programs, and telling me I was on track for
a promotion — all while speaking negatively about my
performance to his peers and senior leadership — were all red
flags in my relationship with this manager. The gaslighting
continued and intensified until the day I finally resigned.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where an individual

tries to gain power and control over you. They will lie to you and
intentionally set you up to fail. They will say and do things and
later deny they ever happened. They will undermine you,
manipulate you, and convince you that you are the problem. As
in my case, at work, the “they” is often a manager who will
abuse their position of power to gaslight their employees.

Organizations of all sizes are racing to develop their leaders,

spending over $370 billion a year globally on leadership
training. Yet research shows that almost 30% of bosses are toxic.
Leadership training is only part of the solution — we need
leaders to act and hold the managers who report to them
accountable when they see gaslighting in action. Here are five
things leaders can do when they suspect their managers are
gaslighting employees.

Believe employees when they share what’s happening.

The point of gaslighting is to instill self-doubt, so when an

employee has the courage to come forward to share their
experiences, leaders must start by actively listening and
believing them. The employee may be coming to you because
they feel safe with you. Their manager might be skilled at
managing up, presenting themselves as an inclusive leader
while verbally abusing employees. Or they may be coming to
you because they feel they’ve exhausted all other options.

Do not minimize, deny, or invalidate what they tell you. Thank

them for trusting you enough to share their experiences. Ask
them how you can support them moving forward.

Be on the lookout for signs of gaslighting.

“When high performers become quiet and disinterested and are

then labeled as low performers, we as leaders of our
organizations must understand why,” says Lan Phan, founder
and CEO of community of SEVEN, who coaches executives in
her curated core community groups. “Being gaslighted by their
manager can be a key driver of why someone’s performance is
suddenly declining. Over time, gaslighting will slowly erode
their sense of confidence and self-worth.”

As a leader, while you won’t always be present to witness

gaslighting occurring on your team, you can still look for signs.
If an employee has shared their experiences, you can be on high
alert to catch subtle signals. Watch for patterns of gaslighting
occurring during conversations, in written communication, and
activities outside of work hours.

Here are some potential warning signs: A manager who is

gaslighting may exclude their employees from meetings. They
may deny them opportunities to present their own work. They
may exclude them from networking opportunities, work events,
and leadership and development programs. They may gossip or
joke about them. Finally, they may create a negative narrative of
their performance, seeding it with their peers and senior
leaders in private and public forums.

Intervene in the moments that matter.

“Intervening in those moments when gaslighting occurs is

critical,” says Dee C. Marshall, CEO of Diverse & Engaged LLC,
who advises Fortune 100 companies on diversity, equity, and
inclusion strategies. “As a leader, you can use your position of
power to destabilize the manager who is gaslighting. By doing
so, you signal to the gaslighter that you are watching and aware
of their actions, and putting them on notice.”

If you see that a manager has excluded one of their employees

from a meeting, make sure to invite them and be clear that you
extended the invitation. If a manager is creating a negative
narrative of an employee’s performance in talent planning
sessions, speak up in the moment and ask them for evidence-
based examples. Enlist the help of others who have examples of
their strong performance. Document what you’re observing on
behalf of the employee who is the target of gaslighting.

Isolate the manager who is gaslighting.

If this manager is gaslighting now, this likely isn’t their first

time. Enlist the help of human resources and have them review
the manager’s team’s attrition rates and exit interview data.
Support the employee who is experiencing gaslighting when
they share their experiences with HR, including providing your
own documentation.

In smaller, more nimble organizations, restructuring happens

often and is necessary to scale and respond to the market. Use
restructuring as an opportunity to isolate the manager by
decreasing their span of control and ultimately making them an
individual contributor with no oversight of employees. Ensure
that their performance review reflects the themes you and
others have documented (and make any feedback from others
anonymous). The manager may eventually leave on their own
as their responsibilities decrease and their span of control is
minimized. In parallel, work with human resources to develop
an exit plan for the manager.

Assist employees in finding a new opportunity.

In the meantime, help the targeted employee find a new

opportunity. Start with using your social and political capital to
endorse them for opportunities on other teams. In my case, the
manager gaslighting me had a significant span of control, and
my options to leave his team were limited. He blocked me from
leaving to go work for other managers when I applied for
internal roles. I didn’t have any leaders who could advocate for
me and move me to another team. I was ultimately forced to
leave the company.

In some cases, even if you can find an internal opportunity for

the employee, they won’t stay. They will take an external
opportunity to have a fresh start and heal from the gaslighting
they experienced from their manager. Stay in touch and be
open to rehiring them when the timing is right for them. If you
rehire them in the future, make sure that this time they work
for a manager who will not only nurture and develop their
careers, but one who will treat them with the kindness they
deserve.

During the “Great Resignation,” people have had the time and
space to think about what’s important to them. Allowing
managers who continue to gaslight to thrive in your company
will only drive your employees away. They’ll choose to work for
organizations that not only value their contributions, but that
also respect them as individuals.