SEND MY LOVE TO HEAVEN

What can I say about a girl I loved since I was ten... that I love the way she laughs at me when I
commit mistakes, the way she fusses over silly things, and even the way she cries over some sad silly late-
night show...
She was my best friend and I have known her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which
reveals my feelings for her, that I love her not only because she's pretty and smart but also the way she
laughs at everything and the way she sees life and love. I could still remember the first time we met; I was
five years old then. It was one windy afternoon having no one to play with except for my best friend, Troy.
He and his family just moved out to a neighboring state at transfer because his father got promoted. And
so, I climbed up our tree house, I saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and
noticed a family station wagon following it. It stopped in front of the house and out came a family. I was
about to glance away when came out the loveliest girl I've ever seen.
She was four years old that time but then even at an early age she was a beauty. She had long
curly hair, which reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes which could make a man
lose his heart into them. I continued to watch her when suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them
in the tree house window. I was about to duck when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved back and
then watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree house. So, I went to the edge of the
ladder and said, "Would you like to come up?" she answered, "May I?" So, I helped her climb up and when
she reached the top, she then turned to me and said, "By the way, my name's Sam, what's yours?" I
answered, "My name is Christopher but then you can call me Chris." She smiled and said, "Well I like your
name. Hey, your tree house's neat!" then I replied, "Thanks! Troy and I made this. This used to be our hide
out. We used to goof around, play ball and go biking together. He was my best friend and I kind of miss him
you know." She smiled and said "I'm here now, we could do things you do with Troy, and I could be your
new best friend too. I never had a boy for a friend before so it could be exciting to have one. I could learn
how to play ball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking together. Now how does that sound to you?" I
smiled and said, "Well that sounds good enough." Then she held her hand and said, "It's a deal then!"
So that's how it started. So, we became best friends, and it was kind of strange at first because she
was a girl and there were things which I was a little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming
in the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a
time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had, and I was the one who
bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when
we were playing baseball and it was I who talked to Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage,
which meant having to lose a week's allowance. I remembered the time when I fell off the tree when I tried
to rescue a little kitten because Sam was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a
branch. I even fought with the tough guy when they teased Sam and made her cry, and I ended up having a
black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye
and later gave it a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires.
The lake was our favorite hangout. We had our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and
later eat it under the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us could sit together and
tell each other's dreams. She dreams of being a Ballerina and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor.
She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me like her even
more.
As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought
it was just a simple crush case. But when I started thinking about her at night, dreaming of her and having
the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made
me feel strange, but then it was an exhilarating feeling. It made me feel so alive. Whenever our hands
touch, I could feel the tingling sensation in my spine. Once when we were at the lake having our Saturday
swim routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling of not wanting to let go. I just
wanted that moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with
my best friend.
 Many times, I tried to deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I'd try
to tell her how I felt about her. I was scared because she might think that I was taking advantage of her and
our friendship. I was afraid of losing her, so I just kept my feelings hidden.
We reached the age of fifteen and I noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches
wherever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I watch them talking to her giving
compliments, flowers, and chocolates. There were times when I watched her at a distance with mixed
feelings of anger and hurt! Because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things, I wanted to
tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many presents which I longed to give her but then I could
not for she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I felt about her as
much as losing her.
Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to
convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob
of the campus. She, being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team to which Mark was the captain.
When I saw them walking together in the parking lot that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly
breaking into pieces. I saw her wave at me, but I just pretended not to see her for I was scared that she
might see in my eyes the pain I was feeling inside because of seeing her with another guy. Those days that
followed were the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by me with him at her
side. Every time we meet in the hallways, and I see him around her, there's a feeling inside me that makes
me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I long possessed was now owned by
somebody else. That special smile I longed for her to cast on me was now cast on him. As she passes by
me, she doesn't know that I whisper the words "God how I love you."
Then one faithful day they broke up. She came to me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had
a big fight and it ended up with their breakup. Mixed feelings were scaring me inside. I was happy because
she was free and maybe I would have the chance to tell her about my true feelings for her but then I was
feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just for him. At that time, I was not quite sure of what I
wanted to do.
So, we found ourselves doing what we did in the old days with our Saturday swim routine, spending
time in our tree house. We still enjoyed doing childish pranks for we still are both young at heart. So many
chances I had to confess my feelings for her but still I couldn't bring myself to her for I feared losing her
once more. I once lost her, now I could not bear of losing her again by telling her, "I love her". So, I just kept
my feelings even if it was bursting to be expressed from my aching heart.
It was a week from our JS Prom, we were seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after
our afternoon swim when she said, "I was wondering Chris if you would like to be my partner?" It just got
out of my wits for it was like a dream I never thought would happen. It took me a while to answer her, "I
thought there were so many boys who would die for you to be their partner?" So, she turned away and
quietly said, "Well I just thought I would like to spend that night with my best friend." Then she continued in
a whisper I could barely hear, "Don't you want to die just like them to be my partner, Chris?" I was too
stunned to speak for it came close for me to blurt my feelings for her. We? we were silent for a while until I
finally whispered, "I would be happy to be your partner Sam. "Then she smiled and suddenly kissed my
cheek. I could hardly contain the joy I felt at that time. I saw her turn red and bowed her head. Suddenly
she stood up and ran towards the water saying, "Last one to reach the water treats to sundae fudge!?I ran
slowed up so that I would lose which meant having to have her with me for another three hours or more.
Our Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost the entire bottle of perfume. I went
to fetch Sam. Sam's mother greeted me and I went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I
was talking to her father when I heard her say, "How do I look?" I look up and saw her lovelier than ever in
a strapless white dress with her hair flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found
out I could not find my voice. Then I got her hand shakily fastened the corsage around her wrist and
whispered, "To the loveliest girl in the whole world." She then asked, "Is that true?" I nodded and she
smiled, and I smiled back then I turned to open the door for her. When we arrived at the gymnasium, we
hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxedos and
gowns. Then I held out her hand bowed and said, "Would you give me the honor of your first dance?" She
laughed and curtseyed. Then I led her to the dance floor. It was like a dream coming true, a moment of
enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. She was smiling up to me, as we were
slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I found myself lost as I stared down to her sparkling eyes. The
curls of her long hair were like waves enhancing her beautiful face. There were so many things I wanted to
tell her that moment. I wanted to tell that she was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell her that
she would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but what I wanted to tell her the most was that I
love her. I drew up all my courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music stopped, and the
magic was gone. I came close to telling her, but still haven't done it.
We walked towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends. I asked her if she wanted
a drink, she nodded and so I went to get one. It took me a long time to get one and when I returned to our
table, she was gone. I asked her friend, Katie, where she was but she told me that she didn't know. So, I
went to search for her. As I was searching for her, I reached the garden. There I saw two silhouette figures
outlined by the moon's silvery light. They were so close to each other that I could never describe the feeling
I had when I recognized the white dress that Sam was wearing that night. I just turned and left the
gymnasium.
Since that night, I avoided her. Many times, she tried talking to me, but I never gave her the chance
to do so. I was afraid to hear her say that she loved Mark and not me. I would rather have left in ignorance
of her true feelings for me than to hear those dreaded words and feel my hope crushed and my heart
break. I didn't return her calls. I will not see her if she comes into our house. In the hallways, as she
approached, I would go to another direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the
best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still, I kept my pride.
The day of our graduation came. I was planning to take up medicine in a neighboring state and was
to move out the next day. As the program ended, she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared
at me, there was something in her eyes I couldn't describe. There was sadness in them and when she
smiled it wasn't the same smile she had. I wanted to hug her at that moment and tell her that I love her but
then she turned and walked away from me.
So, I moved out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the university. I concentrated
on my studies but still, I think of her at night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not
to think of her but still, I could not stop myself from loving her. Each achievement I have was done for her. I
thought that if I were successful one day, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I'm
worthy of having her.
It was a year after our graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a year
is too much for me not to see her and during the past year I felt like a person lost in the desert and only the
sight of her could quench the thirst I had inside. As I got off the plane, I went home directly, desperate to get
to her house desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I had loved
her for a long time. This time I am determined to let her know my true feelings for her and I could not
contain anymore the love I have for her. I reached their house; I saw her elder sister and I approached her.
I smiled at her, but I noticed she didn't smile back. I was confused for she used to be a cheerful lady just
like my dear Sam. I then asked, "Hi Jen! I guess you're surprised why I'm here. Well, I just want to visit you
and I was also hoping to see Sam. I kind of miss her you know. Mmm? By the way, have you seen her?" All
I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly "Come follow me."
I was confused by the way she was acting but still, I followed her. As we were walking, I was trying
to indulge her in a conversation, but she just answered my question briefly. Then I realized that she was
leading me to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the same oak tree, Sam and I
used to climb up. I smiled upon remembering the kiss Sam gave me when I agreed to be her partner. It's
been one of the happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Sam more than I thought. Then Jen
stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then whispered, "There's Sam."
I looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved.
I could not believe what I saw and desperately tried convincing myself that this was all just a nightmare,
and I would soon wake up. I stared at Jenny in disbelief with her eyes searching for explanations and she
slowly started saying, "It has been a week since she died. She died of Leukemia, but even though she was
sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked
us to bury her here for she always regards this place as a place of LOVE. She said that this is where she
had spent the happiest days and that was when she was with you. By the way, she also asked me to give
you this." She handed me a parcel and with that, she left.
I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for
our prom. Then at the bottom, I saw a letter. It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking hands and
started reading........

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I know? by the time you read this letter I'm gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky and
thankful to God that I had a friend like you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside,
something I kept from you all these years. I love you, Chris, not in a friendly way but as one who would feel
like spending the rest of my life with you. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess it just
bloomed each day that's why the happiest days of my life were when you were by my side. You just don't
know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the morning and dream no more for you were with me.
When you were away, I couldn't stop crying because I was afraid to think that you were with another girl. I
just can't bear to see you with another girl. I just want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that's how I
feel.
Each time, you held me close to you, was like a dream coming true, for to be close to you and feel
your heart beating next to mine was like heaven. So many things I did so that you would learn to love me,
but I NEVER saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to fool
myself that you're in love with me too. So many nights I've cried when I think of myself unloved by you.
Well, you might think that what I'm saying are lies but, I tell you, my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear
telling a lie to the one I love. I know you might be thinking of Mark; but I just did that to make you jealous, to
make you see me as a young woman, capable of loving and not as the little girl you used to play with.
Sometimes I imagined that you were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you felt something for
me too. When Mark and I broke up and I came crying, I just did that to know? how you would react and with
that I'll know that you love me too. But I failed for you didn't give me any clue. When our prom night came,
you just didn't know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and said that I was the loveliest girl
in the whole world. While we were dancing, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me too,
but you NEVER did. When Mark came and pleaded with me to give him a second chance, I was scared
that you might see us talking. I didn't want you to get the wrong impression so I told him we would talk in
the garden. There I explained to him that it's you whom I love.
What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that you were searching for me,
I just concluded that you saw us together. The next day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me a
chance to do so. You continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I'd experienced at that time.
I felt the world crushing on me. In our Graduation Day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you? how
much I loved you, but I decided that I just couldn't do it. I could not bear to hear that all you feel for me is
just a brotherly hand of love. For I want you to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So, I just
turned away and left.
Now saying I LOVE YOU might be too late, but still, I want you to know that I will always love you
and my heart has always been and will be yours alone.
P.S.: Think of me sometimes... and always remember that loving you was the best thing that ever
happened in my life.
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I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to let her know that I love her, if not
as much, but more than she did for me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the soil
of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and whispered, "Oh God, send my love to
heaven.