(Half bell)

(Bell)

Dear Thay, my question is...

Since I was younger growing up

I felt I was always

being compared

to someone who was better than myself.

I have experienced that

since I was little up until now.

It causes me to seek affirmation

for my own decisions

in someone else's opinion,

whether what I did

is a good decision or a bad decision.

And I feel when someone speaks

good of me or compliments me

I feel very happy about it.

But if someone speaks negatively of me

I feel like I am not good enough

and it makes me feel

like I am always second,

always a shadow of something

I cannot attain.

I feel sometimes I lose ground

of my own self.

My question is
how do I become more stable

so I don't need
to seek affirmations outside of myself.

(Sister) Dear Thay, dear Sangha,

our friend's question

is about how to be solid in herself.

When she makes decisions,

she may look for compliments

or approval from others
for decisions or actions
that she has taken.

When she is praised,

then she feels good about herself.

But if there is some criticism,

she feels like she is not good enough,

that she is second best, and falls short,

that she is a shadow

of what she could be.

So her question is

how she can be more solid

in those situations,

and practice with that.

The practice of mindfulness

can help you

to have faith in yourself.

If you look deeply at things,

we have our own way of understanding.

In our daily life that kind of insight

that we get
concerning people and things,

is confirmed by your life,

by your daily experiences,

and you believe in your insight.

If you really believe in your insight,

then you have confidence in yourself.

If you practice
mindful breathing well enough,

and you find it helpful,

you get the joy,

the happiness, the peace

while practicing

and then you believe

in the effectiveness of the practice.

Then even if one thousand people

would say that is useless,

that it does not make sense

to practice mindful breathing,

you would still smile.

Because you know

by your own experience

that mindful breathing helps you

to be fresh, to be peaceful, to be happy.

So the opinions of other people

cannot make you abandon your conviction,

your belief.

You know that the notion of beauty

differs with every person.

Something can be
very beautiful to someone

but not beautiful to other people.

The notions of beauty, or ugliness,

they are notions,

and you are not affected

by their opinions.

You are a flower

in the garden of humanity.

You are not something less

than a flower in the garden of humanity.

You belong to the kingdom of God,

like any other wonder of life.

If you have that insight,

if you know that you have

the seed of compassion,

of joy, of happiness in you,

then you know that you have a value.

If you believe in the existence

of these qualities,

transmitted by your parents and ancestors,

and you are a continuation of them,

then the opinions people have on you

will have no effect.

You still continue.

During the war in Vietnam

I worked for peace.

My community did not

take sides in the war,

we wanted reconciliation.

We did not want the North and the South

fighting and killing each other.

And we believed that

to be the truth,

the best, most beautiful path to go:

the path of compassion.

People in the warring parties

looked upon us with suspicion.

They thought that we were stupid.

If you take side with one warring party,

you are at least protected

by that warring party.

If you don't take the side

of any warring party,

then you are exposed

to be attacked by both warring parties.

But if you believe

that your path

is the path of compassion,

the path of humanity, you continue.

Millions of people believed

that we were Communists.

They were afraid of communism,

they wanted to kill communists.
We put ourselves in danger.

And other people thought

that we were pro-American.

Many millions of people misunderstood us

and yet we still continued with our path,

because we had belief in our values.

I think if you continue

to practice like that

you will be solid as a mountain.

You will not be assaulted

by any kind of opinions.

Good luck!

(Laughter)

(Half bell)

(Bell)