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MEDICINE
Candidate sample response 2
Assessor scores / comments:
Script: WMED 1_Sample2 Profession: MED – William McGuire

Purpose (0 – 3)
1 The standard referral opening immediately outlines the medical concern, (“Thank you … for
seeing…progressively worsening clinical picture of his diagnosis of chronic obstructive pulmonary
disease”) but then states that “further assessment and management…” is needed. Assessment is
needed but management is to be advised upon, and the candidate has not made this distinction.
Further final expansion of purpose is given as “provide with further management, including an
optimisation of his medication regimen as well as considering home oxygen therapy, if indicated…”.
The final phrase demonstrates that the intended reader needs to determine whether these options
are recommended but the repeated overstating of the request for management impacts the score.
Content (0 – 7)
4 The content is mostly appropriate to the reader, mostly addresses what is needed to continue care
and generally represents the case notes accurately. However, the repeated request for
management noted above detracts from what is otherwise very well presented. Apart from this,
this response presents an accurate clinical picture of the current situation, and the history of the
COPD. A clear progression is shown with the timeline easily identified, although the recent
hospitalisation was three months ago, not two, and we are not told when the first was. Some
useful detail in the past medical history is omitted, such as that he was an ex-smoker, had the
Fluvax, that he had undergone pulmonary rehabilitation after hospitalisation, and has family
history of similar conditions.
Conciseness & Clarity (0 – 7)
7 The candidate has summarised the case highly effectively, showing excellent condensing of detail
to keep the reader’s focus on the COPD progression and the details of the most recent
appointment. In particular, the writer directs the reader to the detail of today’s appointment and
pulmonary investigation first, and then condenses the other detail neatly with “The remainder of
his examination is unremarkable, as are his other laboratory test results…”. The omission of less
crucial information (e.g. details of the first hospitalisation, the history of gout) allows the reader to
cover the most important detail and skim over the other. The mention of the psychologist referral
is an instance of less critical information inclusion. This response is of an appropriate length.
Genre/ Style (0 – 7)
7 The writer shows excellent familiarity with genre and style, using a polite, professional, and
appropriate tone, with no lapses into informality or judgemental vocabulary choice. The tone
remains clinical and factual. The use of abbreviations and acronyms e.g. FEV1% and PEFR, are
appropriate to the intended reader, as they would be understood by a specialist of the respiratory
system.
Organisation & Layout (0 – 7)
6 Organisation and paragraphing are appropriate, logical and clear, with a standard layout for the
task. At a whole -text level, it reads well. The writer has prioritised today’s appointment and COPD
history first, after the introduction, followed by a brief other history paragraph and then the final
expansion of purpose and closing remarks. Paragraphs and their sub-sections are generally well
organised, although the mental health details might have been better ordered following the
pulmonary observations. Layout is standard for the task.
Language (0 – 7)
7 This writer demonstrates excellent control of a range of highly accurate grammatical structures of
varying complexity. It reads effortlessly. Reference and substitution are used to good effect, as are
word choice and vocabulary. An unnecessary article is seen, i.e. “a slowly progressing dyspnoea”,
but it is a low impact slip. There are no lapses or inconsistencies noted in either spelling or
punctuation.
*These scores were provided as a training example for this candidate’s response to a particular set of case notes. Copying the
language used in response to a di erent set of case notes will not produce the same scores and is strongly discouraged.