Personal Statement

My name is Isaiah Newson I am a mixed raced kid and I live in merced CA ,I will graduate
in june of 2024 and then i will i try and make something of myself .Growing up I never really had
a hard life, I grew up in a mansion,had lots of friends, played outside never asked any questions
about the way.I lived i thought it was normal.Getting older(10-12)years old I realized why we had
so much money.My grandpa had won the lottery way before i was born and gave my mom some
money with it.This always messed with my head as a child because I never saw my
grandpa,didn't even know he was alive.My mom sat me down one day and told me and my twin
sister about my grandpa.She told us about how my grandpa and how he abandoned my mom
Because she married and had Black kids with a Black man. My grandpa is a racist,I didn't know
how to deal with that as a child Because in my mind I thought “who wouldn't love me and my
sister?”.
As we grew older I started to realize things more like money struggles and my parents
secrets.Also i started to notice i was a lot different from the people around me.I was the only
black kid in a down full of mexican people.but I was mexican too But kids from my school kept
teasing me about how i'm not a real mexican or how dark my skin is.so this made me hate who I
was from a young age.Also me and my twin sister were born 3 months premature.This came
with a lot of problems like eczema,psoriasis,autoimmune diseases,and lung problems etc.so
with all that it made my skin really dry and cracked and i hated it.i started treatment for all these
and it worked but then 2019 covid hit.my parents couldn't work and we already had money
problems.We lost our home and this took a hit to my heart. Left all my friends and family behind
to live in a small house and a room i don't like.this all created really bad anxiety and I felt like
running or escaping felt like ripping my skin off.this caused me to do bad in my first years of
highschool because i couldn't focus I was just so sad with so much anger at the world and so
mad at my grandpa because he couldn't save my house and my life.

I tried to overcome this feeling that I can't describe or even explain all I know is I feel like
hiding and I sweating.so one day the summer of my junior year I studied it.I tried to focus on
when i get this anxiety feeling.overtime i realized that when i'm in a environment that i feel i don't
belong in a panic which is basically anywhere but my room.soIi figured I had to learn to
overcome that feeling of missing my home start making new friends.so I started talking more
and going out more.this made me a better person by showing me I can overcome things and be
better.but then I started to break out in really bad acne and acne and eczema is the worst skin
combination ever.so for alone time people made fun of that and this made me a bitter person
and just made the hate that I already had in my heart so much worse.I was mean to everyone
around me and stopped caring about school.I cared so much about the way people saw me and
it gave me even worse anxiety.During all this I started to develop envy for people that had cleary
skin then me and better hair,clothes,height,muscle, and even better looking people.My heart
would always hurt because i would always see people staring at my face looking at all the
details.Somethings I would hear people walk past me and say”eww did you see his face”.I felt
like i was incapable of winning like as if my family is cursed because everytime we seem to be
good it gets so much worse.
 Again I studied my problems like I always do over analyzing my situation.I found out one
thing about when my life started to go bad.I never prayed to God i never thanked him for at least
having a roof over my head when we were almost homeless all i did was blame him and get
mad because my “perfect” life was crumbling.I never looked at the positives of things I just
looked at the past and all the old things I loved.people focus to much on what was and not on
what can be and i think that's were a lot of peoples depression or anxiety comes from.So in all
this realization i started to thank God and let him know how grateful I am for living still and
breathing.I became better person and stopped looking at people with envy and started
living.Now my skin is getting better and my eczema is now as bad feels like my karma is fading
and i'm ready to start living.People need events for character development and that's what
happened to me and i'm glad.