University of Nebraska at Omaha

What Isn’t There:

An Exhibition on Loss and Grief

Alastair Friedrichsen

ART4900: Contemporary Art History

Dr. Adrian Duran

19 May 2023
 Exhibition Overview

Over the course of everyone’s lives, losing out on identity, experiences, people, and feelings is

inevitable. Grief is a difficult part of that process, and every person in this world handles it in

their own way. In this series, I hope to capture some moments where I have encountered loss or

capture some common feelings of loss that others may also go through. As a part of this project, I

try to express my thoughts and emotions to have a better understanding of myself and the people

around me. The concept of what makes us human has always fascinated me, so finding

“humanness” in everyday life is something that many people do not think about. Humanity is

incredibly complex, and I want to come out of all these situations where I have lost as a person

who can extend compassion and empathy wherever I can in my personal life. We live for the

small things, even if we do not realize it; usually, we only realize when those things are gone.

Eventually, you will be able to continue to move forward, even if parts of your life are missing.
 Never Meant to Be, 2023, edited.
This is for the “feminine” childhood I was never really supposed to have. Looking at it through a
heteronormative lens, my family did expect me to wear dresses and love pink instead of wanting
to play with my brothers on the half-pipe my oldest brother built. Before entering the later stages
of elementary school, my mother kind of cut me off from activities that were dangerous (in
reality, they were for boys). At some point, I remember she told me to stop watching wrestling,
and the only “boy-ish” thing I had left was Pokémon. Here, I’m using a sharper filter to represent
what I clearly remember and that I have moved past it. The colors in this photo are important to
my identity as a transmasculine person, and I now understand why I’ve always had a balance
between my masculine and feminine interests. However, I still love being perceived as a boy. I
feel grateful that having both experiences has made me a well-rounded person, but I do feel as if
I lost out on a lot of formative experiences while being socialized as a girl. Thankfully, my
passion for video games brings some of those nostalgic and child-like feelings back.
 Silent Purrs, 2023
For this one, I have lost a majority of my childhood pets within the last few years. Growing up, I
had five cats and three dogs; only one of each remain to this day. They supported me as I
continued my journey through primary school and were my main companions when I felt I didn’t
have other people to turn to. They were there to comfort me during some of my worst
experiences. My actions in the photo are both references to what you typically do with dogs and
cats. The leash is for when my dogs and I would walk around the neighborhood while the curled
hand and open lap represent how my cats were calm lap cats. I tried to keep a somber facial
expression because their presence cannot be replaced with other pets. Each one of my pets were
family, and they all had their own personalities that I will not forget. The book in my hand is one
that is riddled with references to death, and it felt appropriate to include an element of the
supernatural here. They’ll always be with me even if they are not around physically anymore.
 Our Daily Talks, 2023, edited
Moving on from friendships and relationships is a natural part of life, but there are some people
who will stick in your mind no matter how much time passes. This photo is about sharing your
space and time with someone, and it’s about sharing a moment where both parties are simply
enjoying the conversation. I’m smiling as if they have told me a joke, one that has been lost to
time except for that one moment. Of course, a fry is offered in return to show care and the casual
nature of the situation. The person is meant to be sitting close to me, as if they have been my
friend for years. To lose a bond like that means that you will have to rebuild it with someone
else, but it won’t be quite the same. What’s important is that you shared this place in time
together, and that you can fondly look back on what was once there. It reminds me of the times
that people go to an old spot they used to hang out at and reminisce on all of the memories that
were formed there. This photo begins the series of subtle edits I did where there’s a haze around
the photo; these experiences are ones that I’m still working through.
 What’s My Identity Again?, 2023, edited
With the title as a subtle nod to a Blink-182 song, this represents my struggle in high school and
freshman year of college with my gender identity. Going back to my childhood and what I knew
was true felt like I was betraying the people who expected me to feminine and preferred me that
way. Despite the compliments I got from it, it always felt horrifically wrong. Something at the
very core of my being was yelling at me to stop dressing and acting for other people. I felt shame
whenever I’d talk about my interests, and people wouldn’t expect me to enjoy certain activities
or pieces of media. This gives off the vibe of an old renaissance piece where I’m contemplating
my choices up until that point. There were many times where I questioned if I was faking it, but
after digging deep into my childhood experiences, I knew that the path of femininity wasn’t truly
me. Red, being a color of stress and anger, is the focal point as I look disappointed that I lost out
on so many years doing a performance for others. What’s nice is that I still wear this skirt, but I
do so in a more masculine way. It still has a place in my life even when the history of it doesn’t.
It’s a promise to make new and better memories. I lost and found myself again.
 You’re Similar to Me, 2023, edited
Losing out on time with a family member who’s still around means that there’s still time to fix it.
It’s hard to breach the subject without feeling some level of guilt and grief about the time you’ve
already lost. This photo replicates one that I have of me and my nephew when he was younger; I
was teaching him how to play a video game that I grew up playing. He and I have many
similarities in terms of our personalities and how we were raised. It’s a memory that I hold dear
to my heart since I don’t get to see him very often, but I talk with his mom sometimes. She’s
trying her best to keep in contact with me, and we need to find time for all of us to hang out. I
can only hope that I can rebuild my bond with my nephew; he’s incredibly important to me, and
he'll always have his uncle to rely on since we’ve been through a lot of the same experiences
with our dads. I remind myself that with him, it isn’t too late to change. He’s a bright kid with a
bright future ahead of him, and this is my attempt to show how proud I am watching him from
afar.
 ACCESS DENIED, 2023, edited
COVID and the climate crisis have thrown the world into a state where it feels like everything is
suspended in air. This is for the loss of opportunities right now, especially as demands for
education and experience rise. It’s for the people who have an even harder time than I finding
opportunities that they are interested in and qualifies. Many people are stuck in a monotonous
cycle under a capitalist society, and it has never been sustainable or what humans should be
doing. Human beings should not have to work overtime and abandon their creative endeavors
and enrichments to survive. They should not work until they’re one foot in the grave. It’ll only
continue to get harder as we push through this pandemic, and it’s hard to come to terms with all
you could’ve been if all of this never happened. It feels like there is wasted potential here, but I
don’t want to give into nihilism because that’s what people in power want us to do. Loss of
opportunity and chances, but there’s always time to start again instead of giving up. You have to
keep fighting for other people.
 Driving Lessons for the Heart, 2023, edited
Most teenagers get their license at 16, but that wasn’t me. I was always terrified of it because I
didn’t really have anyone to teach me, and my relationship with my dad wasn’t the best. It was
supposed to be his job to do that, but after his passing, I had to rely on my friends to help me out.
I grieve my dad and what our relationship should have been, but I work through it by
remembering what he did teach me. Sometimes I listen to a playlist I made for him while driving
that has all of his old 60s-80s tunes on there. I look incredibly tense because of the uncertainty of
my life without my dad, but with the passengers seat cut out, he could be there. The grief of
losing a parental figure doesn’t go away, but it does get easier with time. Someone once told me
that the grief of losing a person permanently is like a ball in a box with a button in it. The ball
shrinks with time, but there will still be days where the ball manages to hit the button; that’s okay
though. There will be opportunities to honor the times that were good.
 Rot, 2023, edited
I sit, in my desolate room… now out of song form. I tried to express how it feels some days
when grief and loss gets to be a bit too much. It’ll paralyze you when you least expect it, so you
feel demotivated to actually get up and face the world and face reality. The mess in the room is
meant to be what happens after a new experience with loss; sometimes your energy is depleted,
and you don’t know how to deal with things. You think that you’re alone even when you’re not.
The book on the floor is a well-known final goodbye for the author, and during those times,
people feel like there’s no other way out. It’s an acknowledgement that there’re ups and downs to
grief, and this is one of the down times. Isolation as you fight against everything around you.
Every day is a new chance to stand up and pull yourself out of the mess.
 Closing and A Final Bow

This is a reminder to not give up on yourself in times of hardship, even when life has done what

life does. Everything you lose in life does not define who you will be tomorrow. It’s essential to

remember who you used to be and the people who have left you, but new things are waiting.

Love the mundane experiences in your life when you can because they may be gone in an

instant. Go hug your cat, sit outside under a tree, or rewatch your favorite series for the seventh

time. You go do what makes you happiest. Explore your passions and never stop learning about

things with an open mind; you never know when someone might need you. Fight for others and

keep fighting for their futures when they can’t continue fighting. Cherish all your emotions, good

and bad, and never give up on the “humanness” of it all. You may stumble and fall, but that never

stopped you as a kid whenever you skinned your knees; you always got back up, so why not do

that now? This doubles as a message for my future self to come back to when he needs it.

It’ll be okay.