Date: 28/1/2024

Dear diary,

Another chapter in my journey from Kook to Pogue begins today. This transformation has
changed not just who I am, but also every aspect of my existence.

Life in the Outer Banks, where I grew up as a Kook, seemed to be a well maintained
appearance, a world of privilege and luxury. I appeared to have everything. The fancy clothes,
the respected family name, and the luxurious life. But I knew deep down, I felt like something
was missing, I did not feel like myself.

I didn't start to have a new perspective on the world until I got to know John B, JJ, Kiara, and the
other Pogues. Theirs was a world of adventure and freedom, where friendship and loyalty were
the only essentials. I also felt something burning inside of me as I entered their world, a sense
of self-discovery and freedom I had never known before.

My family did not like this transformation at all. Ward, who has a strong commitment to society
and tradition, has found it difficult to accept my growing independence and disobedience for
him. He saw my change from the privileged and prestigious road he had planned for me, one
that would have guaranteed my future.

Rafe, meanwhile, has responded with a conflicted sense of desire and disapproval. He is my
brother, and he has seen immediately the change I've experienced. Rafe's desire for power and
his insecurities, however, have led to a darker turn in his journey. There are deeper issues in our
relationship because, although he might admire my growing independence, he sees it as a
challenge to his own authority.

My journey from Kook to Pogue has only made the obvious difference between my family and
me even more obvious. I find myself becoming more and more disgusted with the world they
live in, a world defined by appearances, luxury, and power every day. I feel as though this world
is suffocating me, choking out my identity and filling my soul with discomfort.

I feel like an outsider in my own house when Ward and Rafe are around, a prisoner trapped.
Their expectations are a burden to me because they serve as a constant reminder of the part
they think I should play, an obedient daughter who is quiet and cooperative and who blindly
follows the standards of society.

However, I'm not going to let their expectations control me any more. For the purpose of
maintaining appearances, I will not give up my independence. I've been living under their
expectations for far too long, neglecting my own goals in order to satisfy their egos.

I discover myself withdrawing more and more into the Pogues' arms, finding comfort in the
warmth of their company. With them, I'm free to be who I am without worrying about criticism or
shame, freed from a sense of responsibility and expectation.
However, despite my need for comfort in my friends' company, a part of me wants for my family
and I to be back together. I know deep down that there is more separating us than just moral
differences. It's a reflection of the wounds that have grown in our family for far too long.

Maybe one day we'll have the guts to face our wounds together and heal those wounds that
may easily separate us. I'll continue to handle the complexity of our family with bravery until
then, knowing that the Pogues' energy will always be a part of me.