Step 1: Share the Problem

- I was excited to give this one a try. I am in the market for some new living room furniture,
specifically couches. My parents are also in the process of deciding what they want for the,
somewhat new, living room add-on that they have had a random collection of furniture in. Being
that I have no opinion of what I want as far as couch and love seat versus sectional, I thought I
would use this exercise to be a non-bias party and really extract all the pros and cons while also
trying to reach a solution. Selfishly, I want to see one or the other so I could decide whether I
like it or not. Currently my parents have a set of couches that I grew up with. Brown leather,
larger than life, comfy pillow couches. I think they were purchased around 2004-2005. My Dad is
vying for a sectional, whereas my mom is pushing for two love seats and some additional
armchairs. When I asked them to both come up with a list of reasons and even possible
candidates that they were leaning towards, my dad was finished within 5 minutes; my mom
took about 20-30 minutes to screenshot all her options with dimensions as well. My moms list
held both functional reasons and aesthetic reasons. She wanted a total of four armchairs and
two love seats that had hideaway beds for when family came to visit. She had a color scheme
appropriate with the current colors in the room, which would also be neutral if the room colors
were to ever change. My dads’ reason, singular, was purely comfort. He wanted to be able to lie
down and comfortably fall asleep.

Step 2: Alternative Approach

- Before we delved into the conversation, I was clear on the fact that I wanted to help reach a
positive “WIN/WIN” outcome. I had asked the day before if they had time, and the answer was a
“no.” I was told that Friday would be a good day because it was after work and before a calm
weekend. I asked for a clear and positive mindset towards the exercise; I also may have
vindictively mentioned that it was for a school final and upped the level of importance. From
there, the commitment was certain. They had been both going back and forth on the couches
for months, so when I said that I wanted to reach a peaceful resolution where they both got
what they wanted, there was a tone of relief and appreciation.

Step 3: Your Ground Rules

- This was a bit difficult, because while I was clear on the exercise, The questions that came
flowing in were a bit overwhelming. I began to write some of the rules that they wanted to be
implemented, but it got too detailed, and I was losing time. I eventually had to pull back on all
the rules and give a clear and concise list of 3. I wanted the exercise to remain positive. I wanted
to bridge a gap so that both parties were able to understand each other without getting
“hooked.” Lastly, I wanted to reach a positive “WIN/WIN.” After I stated the 3 Rules, they
agreed. I think keeping the rules short allowed for a more open discussion. I could almost feel
the tension rising as they were voicing their opinions on rules. Reflecting back on Step 3, I
noticed that there was a focus on frustration or keeping the tone positive and calm. We were all
 on the same page that this was a step towards a productive solution. I think that if there was a
topic or a situation that needed mediation for a sensitive or emotionally charged situation,
stronger and clear ground rules would seem a bit more necessary.

Step 4: You Listen to their Wants

- Being that I know both parties quite well, I was able to smooth over certain situations and also
keep the topic on track. I had to (respectfully) reign my mom in a few times; she kept getting off
topic and talking more in depth about her reasons that were not too pertinent to the
conversation. My mom wanted a room that had a “comfortable lounge” environment. She
voiced how she wanted to have an arm rest wherever she sat. Her design was a 6-piece
assortment of two love seats and four armchairs. She wanted the furniture in a “U” shape with
the occasional side table between chairs for her tea. She also communicated how she wanted
the love seats to have a hideaway bed so that there were more options for when company came
to visit. At this point, we reached an agreement on the hideaway bed. From here, we
transitioned into my dad’s wants. He often fell asleep while watching movies in the living room.
He wanted a sectional so that he would be able to stretch out and comfortably fall asleep
wherever he was. He had agreed on the hideaway concern and communicated that some
sectionals had hideaway options as well. His vision of the living room was an “L” shaped
sectional with an additional two armchairs or love seat. He communicated that he was not
looking forward to so many pieces of furniture that might need to be rearranged in the future.
As I was expecting after this comment, my mom attempted to intervene, I asked her to hold that
thought, and then I also asked my dad to refrain from any comments that could be taken
offensively or negatively, and then I held up rule #1 which was on a post-it and it said, “KEEP IT
POSITIVE!!!!!” Luckily, they both laughed, and we resumed. There were many points or wants
expressed by both sides that prompted questions. I felt that step 4 and 5 were able to blend
together pretty seamlessly due to the fact that the active listening allowed for a more clear
understanding of what each person wanted. From there the questions became a bit more
compromising. They both had an extraordinarily strong opinion of what the other wanted and
they would not budge. After they were able to listen to what each other had to say, my mom
was able to see a bigger picture and a possible solution. My dad also remained in the living room
the entire time, which was interesting, because he usually likes to keep any sensitive topics at a
short conversation time frame.

Step 5: Expected Results

- Wanting to be a helpful mediator, I began to ask questions that I felt would help each party
better understand the wants of the other. My mom was previously “hooked” on the thought
that my dad wanted a giant sectional that was planted and unmovable. I asked him if he would
be happy with a couch that he could lay on and claim as his. He was hesitant with his answer,
but eventually my mom and I landed on the fact that he wanted his own spot. I pointed out the
fact that the house has always been aesthetically pleasing and that the comfort piece was not
always a focus. I brought up a reclining chair that I have at my house, which my dad always sits
in. BINGO! We found it. My dad communicated how he had always wanted a comfortable
 reclining armchair but was under the impression that they were too large and that it was “not
what joe-mama likes,” (That was his response when I asked why he never brought up his want
for a recliner.) From here, I lost my mom. She was on the computer researching recliners and
showing my dad chairs that they could place in the room that they would both like. They were
creating the end results up until the time I left. My dad had the measuring tape out and my
mom was listing off measurements and they were both trying to vision different furniture
pieces.

Step 6: Steps Forward (Create an Action Plan)

- I am finishing this up on the Sunday after the Friday that we all had our “SAY YES” mediation
session. They have rearranged the existing furniture in attempts to game plan future possibilities
and are now discussing color and fabric texture. Definitely an enjoyable Father’s Day
“WIN/WIN” environment to be in. My dad is the quiet type, but I know he is happy with his
future recliner that he can have all to himself. My mom and I did a bit of reflection and talked
about the conversation and even the conversations that they had had prior to our mediation
session. There were some moments where the conversations became heated and ended up in
anger and frustration where the outcome was just to leave it the way it was. My mom pointed
out that she was upset with the fact that she did not know that he wanted a recliner. She was
appreciative that I helped them reach their outcome. My mom also asked that if there were
some future conversations that were difficult, if she could “pick my brain,” about what to say or
how to approach the topic differently. “WIN/WIN/WIN?”