Relationship Checklist Workbook - 2

FREE WORKBOOK
YOUR
RELATIONSHIP
CHECKLIST
COUNSELING RECOVERY.COM
A NOTE FROM
THE AUTHOR
WELCOME! I"M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE!
You've just taken a huge step in your healing!
My name is Michelle Farris, and I'm a psychotherapist in San Jose, CA.
Relationships are hard when you don't know how to take care of
yourself. Thinking of others first is a lovely trait but can bite you in the
who-know-what later.
This checklist will uncover the health of your relationships and will
likely identify relationship patterns that may surprise you. Remember -
no one including me has perfect relationships - we are all in the
process of learning and growing.
The goal is to identify areas of strength and challenges that you may
not be aware of right now. This is how we grow - by being willing to
dig a little deeper into what may need to change.
Change doesn't have to take years. Don't worry, you are not alone in
this process, I'm right here doing the work along side you!
So let's begin!
r is
le Far
l
M ich e
MICHELLE FARRIS
Licensed Psychotherapist
2
LET'S BEGIN!
Before you begin this exercise, start with the

videos that go along with this exercise.
Who Is In Your Life?

Think about the most important
relationships in your life right now (you can
always go back and use this exercise to think
about other relationships later).
These might be your relationships with:
Romantic partners or spouses,

Family members,
Friends, or
Bosses or co-workers.
With those relationships in mind, complete

the following pages for each relationship you
want to assess. For instance, write down each
person that comes to mind in the lines. Don't
second guess yourself! Remember, the value
here will be in learning how certain people
show up in your life. Certain traits and
challenges may stand out, that's where you
will learn the most.
The Supportive Relationship Checklist

and The Challenging Relationship
Checklist will assess your relationships,
The Relationship Behaviors will assess
your own behaviors.
Growth isn't easy. Sometimes seeing the truth

of what's happening is painful. But that
doesn't mean you have to end the
relationship. Pain is a signal that shows you
WWW.COUNSELINGRECOVERY.COM 3 areas in your life that need your attention.
YOUR SUPPORTIVE
RELATIONSHIPS
C H E C K L I S T
Go through each item on the checklist. If you have a person in your life that fits the
description, place a checkmark in the box and add the person's name next to that
description.
makes me feel good about myself.
listens to me when I am struggling.
respects my boundaries and my need for self-care.
helps me even when it's not convenient.
doesn't expect me to give up my needs for theirs.
respects my opinions even when we don't agree.
supports my having interests of my own.
doesn't need me to do things their way all the time.
shows me that my feelings matter to them.
talks things out when issues between us come up.
COUNSELINGRECOVERY.COM | © 2021
4
RESULTS FROM YOUR
SUPPORTIVE RELATIONSHIPS
CHECKLIST
Remember these results are meant to highlight relationships that work. Be gentle with
yourself: if you don't have a lot of people in your support system, building up your support
system may be something you need to work on.
Who are you able to count on from your supportive relationship checklist?
Are there others who support you that don't fit those descriptions? How do they support you?
5
YOUR SUPPORTIVE
RELATIONSHIPS CHECKLIST
What does this checklist tell you about your relationships?
6
YOUR CHALLENGING
RELATIONSHIPS
C H E C K L I S T
Go through each item on the checklist. If you have a person in your life that fits the
description, place a checkmark in the box and add that person's name next to the
description.
makes me doubt myself and my abilities.
expects my support but rarely supports me.
has trouble respecting my boundaries or

hearing me when I say "no."
gets frustrated when I need time and attention.
wants to control things and have the final say.
doesn't contact me unless they need something.
expects me to take care of them (so they don't have to).
has different values that make me uncomfortable.
dismisses my feelings instead of supporting them.
avoids working things out when problems come up.
7
RESULTS FROM
YOUR CHALLENGING
RELATIONSHIPS CHECKLIST
Again, remember that these results are not a judgment against you. If you have several people
that are challenging for you, this may be something you need to work on.
What relationships are the most challenging for you? What can you learn from these
relationships?
Are there other people you struggle with who don't fit those descriptions? In what ways are
these relationships difficult for you?
8
REFLECTIONS
What did you learn from your challenging relationships list?
Are there any changes you might like to make as a result of this list?
9
YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
B E H A V I O R C H E C K L I S T
Go through each item on the checklist, Place a checkmark in the box next to any traits that describe
your relationship behaviors. Rate each trait from 1-10. If you rate something a 2, it's likely not a big issue,
but anything over a 5 is likely signifiant.
A gentle warning: not checking off boxes doesn't mean you're defective. When you can see and
acknowledge your own actions, you show bravery and your willingness to move past old patterns.
I balance helping others with helping myself.
I often recognize when a relationship isn't working.
I know my own boundaries and how to set them.
I make time to practice self-care on a somewhat regular basis.
I honor what I need instead of giving up my values.
I do not please others at my own expense or when it hurts me.
I can speak up when my feelings are hurt.
I trust my perceptions when things don't feel right.
I address potential conflicts as they come up, rather than waiting.
I express my own anger directly instead of stuffing it down.
10
YOUR REFLECTIONS
What did you learn about your own relationship behaviors?
Which relationship behaviors do you find the most challenging?
How can you show yourself compassion while you deal with these challenges?
11
HOW DO THE PEOPLE IN
YOUR LIFE MAKE YOU FEEL?
JOY
D
S
IA
DA
FA R
ES
RT
RP I
U
TS
US R
ANGER
EMOTIONAL INTENSITY SCALE
Serenity - Joy - Ecstasy

Acceptance - Trust - Admiration
Apprehension - Fear - Terror
Distraction - Surprise - Amazement
Pensive - Sadness - Grief
Boredom - Disguist - Loathing
Annoyance - Anger - Rage
12
HOW PEOPLE MAKE YOU FEEL
WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY?
WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL SCARED?
WHO MAKES YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF?
WHO MAKES YOU FEEL ANGRY, ANNOYED OR RESENTFUL?
WHO DO YOU REALLY TRUST IN YOUR LIFE?
13
REFLECTIONS
Who consistently gives you support in your life?
Who is supportive of you, but didn't make the list?
What surprised you when you made this list? Were there any ah-ha moments?
14
WHAT'S NEXT?
What are your next steps that would help you to improve your relationships?
What skills would help you feel more confident in your relationships? Example:
communication skills, managing anger, setting boundaries, trusting yourself, etc.
How have you attempted to work on these issues? What's worked and what hasn't?
15
WHERE DO YOU NEED HELP?
SELF-TRUST
When you struggle with doubt, relationships are
harder to navigate because you can't trust your
own perceptions.
Trusting others can't happen unless you know

how to trust others.
SETTING BOUNDARIES
Relationships need boundaries in order to stay
healthy. Without them, it's difficult to advocate
for yourself.
Setting healthy boundaries decreases

resentment and gives your back your time.
MANAGING EMOTIONS
When you can't manage emotions effectively,
you won't be able to cope with life on life's
terms.
Managing emotions makes resolving issues

possible and stress is easier to handle.
16
Relationships
INTRODUCING
That Work
- ONLINE COURSE -
Learn how to create healthy relationships

without sacrificing yourself
GET STARTED
17
MEET THE AUTHOR “If you can remember
MICHELLE FARRIS
what happened without
Michelle Farris is a licensed psychotherapist and
anger management specialist in San Jose,
anger or resentment, it's
California. Her mission? To teach people how to
create healthy and satisfying relationships without
healed.”
sacrificing themselves.
Her practical skills are easy to implement quickly. HA V E Q U E S T I O N S ?

You can do this!
408-800-5736
6105 Snell Ave Su 101
She would LOVE to connect with you on Facebook, San Jose CA 96123
Instagram or Pinterest. Click the links below! mft@counselingrecovery.com
www.counselingrecovery.com
/COUNSELINGRECOVERY /MSHELLMFT COUNSELINGRECOVERY.COM

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FREE WORKBOOK

You've just taken a huge step in your healing!

My name is Michelle Farris, and I'm a psychotherapist in San Jose, CA.

Before you begin this exercise, start with the

Who Is In Your Life?

These might be your relationships with:

Romantic partners or spouses,

With those relationships in mind, complete

The Supportive Relationship Checklist

Growth isn't easy. Sometimes seeing the truth

makes me feel good about myself.

listens to me when I am struggling.

respects my boundaries and my need for self-care.

helps me even when it's not convenient.

doesn't expect me to give up my needs for theirs.

respects my opinions even when we don't agree.

supports my having interests of my own.

doesn't need me to do things their way all the time.

shows me that my feelings matter to them.

talks things out when issues between us come up.

What does this checklist tell you about your relationships?

makes me doubt myself and my abilities.

expects my support but rarely supports me.

has trouble respecting my boundaries or

gets frustrated when I need time and attention.

wants to control things and have the final say.

doesn't contact me unless they need something.

expects me to take care of them (so they don't have to).

has different values that make me uncomfortable.

dismisses my feelings instead of supporting them.

avoids working things out when problems come up.

What did you learn from your challenging relationships list?

I balance helping others with helping myself.

I often recognize when a relationship isn't working.

I know my own boundaries and how to set them.

I make time to practice self-care on a somewhat regular basis.

I honor what I need instead of giving up my values.

I do not please others at my own expense or when it hurts me.

I can speak up when my feelings are hurt.

I trust my perceptions when things don't feel right.

I address potential conflicts as they come up, rather than waiting.

I express my own anger directly instead of stuffing it down.

What did you learn about your own relationship behaviors?

Which relationship behaviors do you find the most challenging?

EMOTIONAL INTENSITY SCALE

Serenity - Joy - Ecstasy

WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL HAPPY?

WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL SCARED?

WHO MAKES YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF?

WHO MAKES YOU FEEL ANGRY, ANNOYED OR RESENTFUL?

WHO DO YOU REALLY TRUST IN YOUR LIFE?

Who consistently gives you support in your life?

Who is supportive of you, but didn't make the list?

Trusting others can't happen unless you know

Setting healthy boundaries decreases

Managing emotions makes resolving issues

Learn how to create healthy relationships

Her practical skills are easy to implement quickly. HA V E Q U E S T I O N S ?

/COUNSELINGRECOVERY /MSHELLMFT COUNSELINGRECOVERY.COM

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