Toaz - Info Social Superstar by Bobby Rio PR 156 232-1-50

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Jack didn’t become a leader because he was the best politician on the
island. He didn’t get the girl because he sold her on his ideas through
long winded speeches and debates. He did it through purpose and action.
He obtained the respect of everyone on the island because while they
were standing around waiting to be saved… he was saving other people.
In a world so obsessed with “self help” I think we often neglect the fact
that the best form of “self help” is the selfless act of helping others. I
can’t speak for anyone but myself but there are times in my life that I feel
an overwhelming sense of being unfulfilled. And I’ve had more than I
ever dreamed I would. I’ve got more friends than I can count, slept with
more women than I care to admit, visited more countries than most
people could name, and generally lived on the edge and survived to tell
about it. I don’t have any regrets. Yet, watching Lost last night I still felt
as if I were missing something important.
I had been following a blog, Rooshv.com where he detailed his six
month trip across the continent of South America. And for the longest
time that was my dream. I followed his journey religiously, wishing badly
it was me trekking on a bus through the Peruvian Andes, having three
week flings with Chilean beauties. He’s back now and I recently posed a
question to him in a comment, something along the lines of “did you
find what you were looking for?” Because I’m starting to believe that
even the soul searching trip I felt destined to make…. still won’t be
enough.
I realize that part of the reason I wanted to take the trip was for some
form of escape. Some way to convince myself that I was free. To prove
to myself that I wasn’t wasting my life away in the rat race, waiting for my
slice of the cheese. I was going to take it. I was going to finally live.
But I’m not so sure escape is that easy. I’m not sure freedom is as simple
as throwing on a backpack, growing a beard, and waking up in strange
places with strange people. Because when it comes down to it, my
motives for the trip are still entirely selfish. And when you’re living
completely self centered, I think it is impossible to be free.
Many books talk about living on purpose. I recently wrote a list of 5
Must Have Self Help Books and that list included two books by Wayne
Dyer. Dyer has written many books about living on purpose. But even
with all the books that I’ve read on the subject, it took watching seven
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straight hours of Lost to make me finally understand what living on
purpose is all about.
Living on purpose means getting lost in the moment because there is
something greater than your personal desire that needs to be achieved.
That is why my South American trip would not have been the escape I
was looking for. I would still be stuck in my mind, comparing and
contrasting, analyzing, pursuing, judging, and rationalizing the trip’s every
minute. I would be waiting for something to happen that would make me
think “now I’m really living” but more than likely I would spend six
months waiting, and then wake up and decide it was time to go home.
Maybe it was the deliriousness of staring at a television screen until the
wee hours of the night, or realizing that the girl sitting next to me was
seeing something in Dr. Jack that she knew she would never see in me, or
maybe it was me seeing something in Dr. Jack that was inside of me
waiting to be released, but I woke up this morning feeling a little
different. A little lost.
So understanding that I will more than likely never be trapped on
deserted island and have to play the role of savior to a group of stranded
castaways, how can I experience a sense of purpose in my life? Take on
the role of leader? What kind of higher goal will transcend me to the next
level of living?
I think that my problem with the Dyer books I’ve read about purpose
driven life, or the previous movies such as Gandhi, or Braveheart is that I
always sort of believed you needed to be inspired by notions like ending
world hunger, peace in the Middle East, worldwide democracy, global
warming, curing cancer, or national independence. While these are all
noble causes, to date, none of them have swept me away in inspiration.
And because of that, I felt it was ‘beyond me’ to live selflessly. I figured
maybe I was doomed to a world of ego domination.
But I think many of us have been mislead to believe that to “be great”
you must do great things. Most of us will never have the opportunity to
deliver a speech like William Wallace gives in Braveheart or liberate a
nation through self sacrifice like Gandhi did, but does that mean we have
no choice but to view ourselves as less significant, less “great?”
I was at wake this afternoon. The father of my friend’s girlfriend passed
away and as I listened to the various eulogies, each speaker recollecting a
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particular time in their life when the deceased impacted their life for the
positive. One of the speakers quoted a line from "It’s a Wonderful Life"
saying “no man is a failure who has friends.” It's funny how when you’re
running on a few hours sleep, your heads a little messed up from too
many episodes of Lost, and you get swept away in the emotion of a wake,
how clearly something so elusive can suddenly appear.
Standing there in the funeral parlor I realized we all have the choice on a
daily basis to be great. We can be great friends, great role models, great
listeners, leaders, and heroes. We don’t need our plane to crash in the
South Pacific (if that's really where they are) to give us our moments to
shine.
A few of the speakers had given heartfelt thank you to my friend who
had stepped in to pull the family together as it became more and more
certain that his girlfriend’s dad was going to lose his battle with cancer.
He took days off from work, he had long intense conversations with the
dying man, and acted as a sense of strength for his girlfriend and her
mother when the two of them would continually break down. Everyone
in that room viewed my friend as a hero.
Everyday each one of us is presented with situations where we can be a
leader and a hero. It's not about waiting for that moment where you can
“look like a hero.” It's about deciding to be great this very minute. It's
about deciding that every action you take from here on out will serve a
greater purpose.
It's been said over and over again that those who live on purpose and
relinquish their personal wants and desires, are those who ultimately see
the most of life’s bounty.
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Integrity Makes a Man

Written by Bobby Rio
Original Published: 02/14/2008
There is more to life than how much money you can make or how
many girls you can sleep with.
These are the artificial indicators of achievement in our society. Most of
us are not above striving for them. I included.
But the real depth of your character and what ultimately makes you a
man, is living within a set of core values and beliefs that you set for
yourself.
We addressed integrity in our “The Lost Art of Being a Man” podcast,
and how it relates to the way you interact with women. The reason
women have no respect for “nice guys” is because these nice guys often
lack integrity. Their lack of integrity stems from the fact that they hold
beautiful women to different standards then they hold the rest of the
world. The set of values they define for themselves gets pushed aside for
the opportunity to be with a beautiful woman.
But integrity goes further than your dealings with the opposite sex. It is
equally important in how you live your life. I am by no means a perfect
person. We have all most likely been a role where we’ve acted in a way
that is not congruent with our core set of values… but watching Roger
Clemens at the Congressional hearings yesterday reminded me of the
importance of living with integrity.
Roger Clemens was my favorite sports figure since 1986. I religiously
followed his career and collected his memorabilia. Even after I began to
lose interest in baseball I still made an attempt to keep track of his career.
It was to the point where my friends laughed because I changed favorite
teams every time he signed a new contract. I’m the only guy in NJ who
walked around in an Astros hat. Part of my fascination with him was
based on childhood nostalgia; the other part of it was that I was
completely impressed with the stories of his unparalleled will and
determination. I was envious of the motivation he possessed that got him
out of bed at 4:30 am every morning to work his body to peak
performance.
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That being said Roger Clemens choice to have himself injected with
steroids is something I could forgive him for. Human beings make
mistakes. Period. I relate it similarly to mistakes I’ve made where I’ve
cheated on girls that I loved. Something at that point in time (mainly my
dick) made me feel it was necessary to sleep with a woman outside of my
relationship. It's not something I’m proud of. But life is too short for
regrets so I move on. The same can be said for Roger Clemens use of
steroids. Something at that point of his life (mainly his fierce drive to be
the best) made him feel it was necessary to use performance enhancing
drugs. Shit happens. People fuck up.
But watching Clemens blatantly lying over and over again to save his
chances for the Hall and his endorsement deals, has left me with the
feeling that the man lacks a sense of integrity. While making a mistake is
human nature. Owning up to a mistake is what separates the men from
the boys.
I don’t think any of us are above lying. If you’ve ever used someone
else’s canned routine in the field… you’ve lied. If you’ve ever told a girl
you were going for a friend's luncheon but really had sex with an
Argentine prostitute in back alley brothel…. you’ve lied. There is a
certain shame in these types of lies. But most of us have defined our core
set of values to let these sorts of lies slip by. Once again, we are human
beings.
My definition of living with integrity means owning up to your mistakes.
Or doing everything in your power to correct them in the future. I’ve lied
to girls and cheated on them. But when I eventually got caught I laid all
of my cards on the table. I told them EXACTLY how I felt and why I
did it. It wasn’t always easy. It would have been easier to continue the lies
(as OJ showed us deny deny deny) but to me there is a difference
between situational lying and lying about something you’ve been accused
of.
If someone casually asks me how many girls I’ve slept with, I may lie as
to not appear a slut in that particular situation. It is my personal business
and I may not feel the need to be completely open. And if someone
casually asked Roger Clemens if he’s ever used steroids I would not
condemn him for lying in that situation. It is his personal business.
But if a girl claims to have slept with me, and I know full well that I did, I
will not deny it. Because when you deny something you’ve done against
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someone else’s word… you’re, in fact, calling them a liar. This is where
Roger Clemens has crossed the line of simply making a “human mistake”
and gone on to show an utter lack of integrity.
The problem with Clemens choice of action is that the only person he is
looking out for is himself. He is calling numerous people liars, using his
wife as a scapegoat, questioning his best friend’s story, and wasting the
time of a whole lot of people who would just like to move on from this
shit. In the face of adversity that Clemens is facing you always have two
choices: You can lie and manipulate and play the self serving “if I deny
long enough they’ll forget about it” card or you can own up to your
mistake. In essence; be a man and move forward.
In every situation in life you have these same two choices: You make
excuses, take the self serving route, blame everyone else… or you own
up your mistakes and BECOME A MAN.
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The Great Gatsby Complex

I’ve always said you can learn more from certain novels about human
nature than you can from some of the most celebrated self help books. F.
Scott Fitzgerald’s famous novel The Great Gatsby serves to constantly
remind me about the art of letting go.
In the novel, the main character Jay Gatsby has one of the strongest
cases of “oneitis” I’ve ever seen. He is full throttle into “the sickness”
over an ex lover Daisy Buchanan. The two fall in love and date for awhile
before circumstance prevents the two from continuing their love affair.
Daisy goes on to marry someone else, and Gatsby spends the next five
years building an empire to impress her with his new wealth. He also
throws party after party in his mansion in hopes of her showing up
without the realization that it was her old lover throwing the party.
The reason that I decided to write about this is because the other night I
realized that I still suffer from what I call The Great Gatsby Complex.
The Great Gatsby Complex is an inward hope of meeting someone from
your past that drives you to make decisions in your present life. It is the
guy who is struggling through law school so that he can show up at his
high school reunion and impress a girl he had a crush on ten years ago…
it is the guy that is at the gym seven days a week building the perfect
body in hope that he runs into an old flame and she’s blown away by his
chiseled abs.
We all have those girls from our past that still haunt us. They are usually
not ex girlfriends, but instead they are usually girls that we have
unfinished business with… girls that “slipped away” or circumstance
prevented things from going further.
For me there are three that pop into my head:
Jackie- The whore. Jackie was a girl I worked with a few years back. We
clicked on many different levels… and we both were insanely attracted to
each other… but Jackie was “on the promiscuous side.” She fucked just
about every guy I knew. And discussed the details with me. That was part
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of our friendship… helping each other get laid. We avoided the
temptation of hooking up with each other for over a year… until one
night we couldn’t take it anymore and dragged each other into a
bathroom during a party and made out like our life depended on it. The
chemistry was so unbelievably hot... but there was one big problem.
Jackie was a known slut... and there was no way I could be caught dating
her. So after that night we went back to being friends... until we gradually
disappeared from each other’s lives.
Jaime- The 17 year old. I met Jaime at her older sister’s birthday party. I
had hooked up with her sister in the past and felt a little weird at the
party because her sister was there with her boyfriend (who she was with
when we had our fun) so to keep myself occupied I flirted with her
younger sister Jaime. Later that night Jaime came back to a friend's place
and we kept talking. Soon I found myself standing on his porch telling
her how cute she was… then we kissed. I tried to avoid her after (she
wasn’t exactly street legal) but a week later she called me up and asked
me to go down the shore with her and her friend. We got down the shore
and rented a hotel… her friend quickly disappeared and left us alone in
the room. Jaime was the most adorable girl I had ever seen and soon we
were laying on the bed making out… she’s telling me how we’re going to
get married… how much she likes me… and I’m enjoying it like I
haven’t with any girl in a long time… I resist having sex with her for
most of the night despite her constant begging... finally I give in. Later
I’m so confused over what I did that I never talk to her again.
Kryptonite- The soul mate. I’ve written about her before. She’s the
friend that after five years of unbearable sexual tension we explode
during a ski trip and spent a week in a hotel barely ever leaving the bed.
We were both in relationships at the time with other people, and when
the trip ends -so does our brief romance…and our friendship.
I mention these girls because they still haunt me. I don’t consider myself
as having oneitis over any one of them… but I do find myself hoping
that they’ll show up at the bar I’m at more often that I’d like to. I do
have fantasies of running into one of them and instantly rekindling the
old unfinished feelings.
What is so dangerous about The Great Gatsby Complex is that it can
begin to control your present moment. I’ve found myself suggesting
certain bars to my friends because of the slight chance one of these three
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might show up there. I’ve found myself constantly looking around
hoping to spot one of them…
Holding onto the past like this ruins the opportunities that are presented
to you in the present. Each of these three girls had a quality about them
that separated them from the hundreds of other girls I was with during
that time frame. I don’t deny that they hold a special place in my mind…
but holding on the past in this way can prevent you from meeting new
girls who may have similar qualities.
I think that the reason it's the girls that we have unfinished business with
that haunt us the most is because we only have the memories of the
intense attraction, chemistry, and connection. These feeling never got a
chance to mature so they are still burning strong… unlike ex girlfriends
who we went full circle with and our feeling had a chance to run their
course leaving us with both good and bad memories.
How to Rid Your Self of the Great Gatsby Complex
I think the first step in ridding yourself of the complex is the acceptance
of all things past for what they were. Any of the three girls I mentioned
could easily have been the love of my life… but they weren’t. They were
brief romances that ended prematurely. AND THAT'S ALL THEY
WERE.
The second step of ridding yourself of the complex is the expression of
gratitude. Each of these experiences made you the person you are today.
Each of the three girls I mentioned added excitement and adventure to
my life during the time I knew them. And I am thankful for that
opportunity.
The third step of ridding yourself of the complex is the act of
forgiveness. You have to forgive yourself for anything you did to
contribute to ruining the romance. I know some of my actions back then
weren’t stemming from my best self. I know I made mistakes that might
have cost me a chance at a great love affair… but what is done is done. It
is time to forgive yourself and move on.
The final step of ridding yourself of the complex is the expression of
faith. Part of the reason we hold onto these ghosts from our past is
because we don’t believe that we’ll meet anyone better. You have to
know that you have all the qualities and characteristics to meet and attract
an even more special girl. You have to have faith that she is out there…
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Once you develop a sense of faith that you’ve yet to meet your ideal
girl… the chains from your past are released and you begin to grow
excited for what you may find in your future.
If you are being held back by ghosts from your pasts I suggest following
the four step plan to rid yourself of the complex.
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Build it and They will Come

Written by Justin B.
Original Published: -4/03/2008
Build it and They Will Come by Justin B

In the very popular and successful 1989 movie Field of Dreams, starring
Kevin Costner and Ray Liotta, protagonist Ray Kinsella played by
Costner is told early in the movie by a mysterious voice “Build it and he
will come” as he walks through the cornfield on his large farm. After this,
Kinsella gets a very clear vision of a baseball field in his cornfield and
believes deep inside of himself that there is a connection between the
“build it” part of what he heard and the vision of the baseball field. His
wife is skeptical but tells him to follow his vision and build the field.
After several months, some of the deceased ballplayers from the shamed
1919 Chicago White Sox baseball team show up on his field and now he
more deeply understands the message that he chose to have faith in: to
“build it” and trust that they “will come.” If you have seen this excellent
movie you know it teaches many life lessons and has some great
underlying messages and themes to it. What I would like to focus on
today, though for our purposes is this key phrase “Build it and he will
come” and how it can be applied to your own life with women. For our
purposes, let us translate this phrase into “Build it and they will come.”
As a motivational Life Coach I often deal with men that tell me that they
have a difficult time attracting and dealing with quality women. I often
tell them that one of their main problems I see is that they are too
focused on getting women and not focused enough on building their
own life and their own self-confidence and self-esteem, which will easily
translate into attracting women. When you are being fulfilled in multiple
areas of your life, and you build your life up to a point where you feel
good about it and, as they say, “have your shit together”, women will
pick up on the very confident and responsible vibe you give off. I think
you all intuitively understand that what I am saying is that you have to
have a strong basis for your self-esteem outside of your success with
women and that, ironically, this will attract women.
Many men often note that men that seem to land a quantity of quality
women into their beds give off a vibe that they “don’t really care.” It is
not that they don’t really care; it is rather that they are so fulfilled and
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focused on the other parts of their lives that they don’t have a lot of time
to worry about how they are doing with women. Women pick up on
their vibe of independence and self-fulfillment and this is very attractive-
both emotionally and sexually- for women. A woman I was talking with
recently told me that it is very sexy for a guy to be very into his job, his
friends, his family, sports, etc. because she said that it expresses a sense
of confidence and fulfillment that he is strong and that he could “be
strong for her.” Remember that a personality trait that women often get
frustrated with about themselves is the fact that their self-esteem is too
much based on what the opposite sex thinks; the last thing that they want
is to be with a man that has the same issue. The men who have mastered
this principle have inadvertently taught themselves and us a valuable
lesson about the connection between their own lives and their success
with women: “Build it and they will come.” So how can you apply this
philosophy to your life and “build” your own life up to make room for
them to “come”? Here are some starting points although by now I am
sure you get the idea.
1) Find a cause, purpose, or career that you are passionate about.
If you can identify your core passions and pursue them you will find
yourself much more fulfilled in a holistic and overall way. Hopefully, this
is your career but if not find something that interests you, besides women
of course, and become passionate about it. Become charismatic and
excited about it. Men find themselves best when they are happy with
their work. Being this way will put your much more in touch with your
own masculine energy and will make you very appealing.
2) Lift weights.
I am not just saying this for the reason you might be thinking: that
women like muscles. When you lift weights you are going to be getting in
touch with and expressing your masculinity even outside of the gym.
While you release endorphins and build your emotional and physical
muscles, you will attract attention with your very masculine vibe.
3) Practice meditation or some form of relaxation
You may have never considered meditation or consider it something for
New Age weirdoes. You may even consider it something for women.
Learning to meditate, though, will build your self-confidence because you
will slowly get in touch with the negative thoughts that are holding back
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your success with women and other areas of your life. As you become
more content and build your self confidence at a deep level, they will
come in droves because you too “will not care.” Find a local meditation
class or buy a book or CD on meditation. I usually recommend to clients
anything by Steven Halpern or Deepak Chopra.
Do not get into the trap of doing these things solely to attract women.
See the value in them because you will feel better and therefore will not
need women to make you feel good about yourself. Then watch how as
you “build” your life, “they” will come.
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Why You Shouldn’t String Girls Along

It was actually Ross Jeffries who originally coined the phrase “Leave
them better then you found them.” He was talking about the women that
come in and out of your life. As you get better with women, this phrase
will hold as much importance as anything you’ve been taught before.
I got involved in my first serious relationship my freshman year of
college. Like most young couples, naive to the reality of relationships, my
girlfriend Jillian and I rushed in full throttle, spending every waking hour
together, and had the names of our future babies already picked out. The
thrill of this relationship lasted about 6 months. By our ninth month
together I desperately wanted to be single again.
I was a naive boy at the time, and thought that by ending the relationship
with this girl I would break her heart into a million pieces - forever
ruining her for other men. The more I hinted that I was looking to end
the relationship the more she clung closer to me. I had no idea how to
break free from her.
So for the next six months I stayed in a relationship I was miserable in.
As time went by I became more and more resentful of Jillian. Soon the
resentment grew to anger. I became a completely different person. I was
bitter towards her. I criticized everything she did. I made her feel small
by talking about her insecurities. I barely paid attention when she spoke
to me. I denied most of her attempts at sexual activity. Little by little I
was ruining her.
I think my plan was to treat her so badly she would end it with me. And
finally she did. But the whole ordeal took a giant toll on the both of us.
She was a mess. I heard from friends that she actually had to go for
counseling. I wasn’t much better. I hated the person that I became. I was
no longer the charming man that won her over; I was now this bitter,
mean, non-sexual, asshole.
After this I avoided relationships altogether for awhile.
But later in life when I became better with women, and was dating more
and more women, I found myself falling back into this trap.
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I had been dating this girl Kate for like four months, and knew it wasn’t
going to go anywhere. But I was too lazy to end it, as our relationship
was very low maintenance. It was apparent to me that Kate thought
things were more serious than they were. Soon I became the same person
I was years earlier with Jillian. I was deliberately saying things that I knew
would make Kate feel insecure. I would openly stare at other girls. I
wouldn’t call Kate for days at a time. I avoided sex with her.
I hated the person I was once again becoming. Luckily for me, Kate
figured things out on her own and suddenly stopped calling me. She was
probably waiting for me to make the apology call, but I never did.
The repercussions of the way you treat a woman echoes throughout your
life. The way I felt as a person during those times with Jillian and Kate
was less than human. I felt like a soulless monster. My integrity was all
but drained, and my self esteem was shot. I no longer viewed myself as
the kind of guy who attracts women. I viewed myself as the kind of guy
women should stay away from.
Since Kate I have changed my ways. I have realized that it is much less
cruel to end a relationship than it is to stay involved with a girl you don’t
have feelings for. A few months after Kate I started dating a girl Nancy.
Nancy was a fun girl who I enjoyed fucking. A couple months into the
relationship I sensed Nancy was looking for more. We sat down and had
the talk. I explained that I didn’t want anything more than what we had.
She was a bit upset, but was appreciative that I was honest with her.
Nancy and I are still friends to this day, and have even fucked from time
to time.
I felt good about the way things ended with Nancy, and it carried over
into the rest of my life. I didn’t have that dark cloud surrounding me that
I had a few months earlier with Kate. The lesson I learned was that I was
much better off being honest with a girl about how I felt, than I was to
string a girl along. You can’t avoid the pain of a breakup… but by
delaying it you can make it much worse.
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The Anatomy of the Sickness

Mike, Justin, and I coined the phrase “the sickness” back in college.
The “sickness” is like oneitis on steroids. Mack Tight referred to it as
when “guys become a needy pile of shit after they become obsessed over
a woman.”
We call it “the sickness” because once it infects you’re almost powerless
against its control. It corrupts your mind first, but then usually brings
about physical symptoms like nausea, vomiting, weight loss, depression,
insomnia. It happens to the best of us… and even though we most likely
know we’ve been infected, it is still near impossible to battle. Even as our
closest friends tell us to “move on” “play it cool” “forget about her”
their words go in one ear and out the other.
While the only cure for “the sickness” is time… I thought that if I wrote
a detailed description of how the sickness infects (using my last battle
with it as an example) you guys might be able to keep this as a guide to
compare against when you feel it coming on. Although I won’t pretend
that you’ll be able to rid yourself of your obsession, at the very least, you
may be able to avoid some of the classic mistakes that I made.
The Anatomy of the Sickness
After slowly falling for one of my female friends over the course of a
year, everything came to a boil on a ski trip. I knew in my head that it was
now or never time for making my move. Weeks before the ski trip I
began avoiding her before heading up to the mountain. I wanted to
create a fresh persona, and distance myself from the friend zone that I
had previously been regulated to.
The first night of the ski trip I made a dramatic change in the way I
interacted with her. I became more sexual, alluded to her attractiveness,
and got more touchy feely. Although initially she seemed a little taken
back, slowly she responded to my escalation. By the end of the night we
were lying on my bed making out. The next day she told me it was a
mistake and that she liked me too much as a friend to continue. But I
persisted again that night, and once again she wound up on my bed with
me making out. We spent the rest of the trip basically locked in my
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bedroom. To be completely honest, it was like nothing I had experienced
before. I don’t know if it was the sexual tension that had built up over
the last year, our strong connection as friends, or just my flat out physical
attraction to her, but I was in a state that I had never previously
experienced.
Although I left the week in the mountains feeling quite vulnerable, I was
fairly confident that she felt the same way. In fact, I would say my
confidence was sky high. I was on top of my game. I had just completed
my crowning achievement as a player.
The first couple nights back home went ok. The girl and I exchanged
evening text messages. I was in “play it cool” mode so I figured I would
wait a few days to call her. Friday afternoon I could hardly contain my
excitement to possibly spend time with her. While still at work I sent her
a text “I want to see you. Bad!” I expected an immediate response with
her echoing the sentiment. I waited and waited… but the response never
came.
I was still in “play it cool” mode so I decided to hit the bar with a couple
of my friends. My mind was on the girl a bit, but I wasn’t too worried as
she had a habit of flaking throughout our friendship. After the bar closed
I have an after party back at my house. Quite drunk at this point, I went
against my better instinct and called her. And when she didn’t answer I
left a message. I fell asleep that night with the phone in my hand, still
waiting for the call.
Saturday morning is when I went into panic mode. The realization that
she didn’t call set in. I began scanning my brain for reasons why she
would be blowing me off. I began asking the opinion of a few of my
friends. They all reassured me telling me “it's only been a day.” I would
momentarily feel better, and then remember our wonderful week
together in the mountains and get stuck in my mind trying to figure out
what went wrong.
Somewhere in between Saturday and Sunday I convinced myself the
reason that she’s avoiding me is because she doesn’t trust that I’m really
into her. It made sense in my mind. She knows I’m a player. I figured
that what I needed to do was to prove to her that I was really into her. So
I went against my better instinct and headed to the flower shop on
Monday morning. I bought the biggest baddest most expensive bouquet
of flowers they had, and had arranged for them to be delivered to her
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work Tuesday night… complete with a really embarrassing card basically
professing my love.
Monday night she calls me at one in the morning. My “wet friend” tells
me not to answer the phone and give her a taste of her own medicine…
but “dry friend” intervenes and I wind up talking her into coming over.
When she gets to my house she acts nonchalant about not calling… and I
forgive her immediately. We make out a little while… I eat her pussy...
then she leaves.
The next morning I debate whether or not to cancel the flowers. I decide
to still send them. Later in the night I get a call from her thanking me for
the flowers. I ask her to hang out but she says she’s tired and is just going
to sleep.
I wait till Friday to call her again. Once again… no answer. I proceed to
go out with a friend, get extremely drunk… and take home some 18 year
old hostess I worked with. But even a fresh young 18 year old couldn’t
deter me from the beginning of “the sickness.”
The next two months are a blur. They basically consist of me checking
my phone every three minutes to see if she called. The few times she
actually does call or text… I am too weak to play the game. For a minute
or two I tell myself I’m not going to call her back… but then I give in
and call. She keeps avoiding seeing me. I try to play it cool and act like I
don’t care. Then later in moments of weakness I send her text messages
asking “what's going on with us” and other shit I get nauseous thinking
about.
Finally two months later I get really drunk and show up at her work. She
is almost frightened to see me. I am plastered but somehow talk her into
heading out for a couple drinks with me. I’ve finally got her in front of
me after two months of playing phone tag… but it's nothing like I
imagined. In my mind… she was going to confess her love to me, tell me
how much she’s missed me… and wind up cuddled next to me on my
bed.
How the night ended- was me completely shit faced handing her a love
letter I wrote her… her taking the letter and leaving… never even calling
me to acknowledge it. As time went by I gave up hope of her calling.
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The mess that Bobby Rio had become was finally starting to put the
pieces of his life back together. He was dating a new girl… finally starting
to get over “the sickness.”
But I couldn’t leave well enough alone. I knew that there would be an
annual Christmas party at the place she worked. I had friends that still
worked there. So once again, I go out get completely shit faced and show
up at her work party with one of my friends.
The night started out pleasant enough… I spent time catching up with a
handful of old friends… chatting with her whenever the occasion would
allow. But as I got drunker the cool guy shell I had been putting on was
slowly cracking. I began asking her questions alluding to “the weekend
we spent together.” It was clear she didn’t want to talk about it.
Then I began noticing that she and one of her co-workers were awfully
close. I didn’t feel threatened because I knew the guy, and never would
imagine her to be into him… but as I got drunker it made more and
more sense. Everything was becoming crystal clear… (In my drunken
distorted mind) SHE WAS FUCKING THIS GUY.
So I did the only thing a drunken sick bastard could do… I followed him
into the bathroom and punched him square in his jaw. The next thing I
know we’re ushered out to the parking lot… We’re rolling on the
pavement pounding on each other’s skulls… sticking fingers in our eyes...
I think I may have even bit him.
Finally the rest of the party breaks up the fight… they put me in a cab
and send my sad sick drunk ass home.
Bobby Rio woke up the next morning at Rock Bottom.
I’m going to leave this story without commentary. It is simply meant to
show how the sickness can take hold of anyone. At that point in my life I
already knew everything there was too know. I was banging chicks left
and right... always the one with the control and calling the shots…
And I fell like a toy soldier.
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Living with Passion

The first time I heard that phrase it was from an Anthony Robbins CD.
At the time, although I found it motivating, I didn’t truly grasp the
concept of living with passion.
At first I tried to artificially create a sense of passion in my life. I used
body language, physiology, and voice tonality to present a passionate
looking man to the world. And as Sebastian Drake talked about in our
recent interview with him, improving these things will create a sense of
“passive value” for you… and eventually you might even begin to feel a
bit more passionate in your day to day activities.
While improving areas of your non verbal communication may make you
look and feel like a more passionate person, and is an excellent place to
start… ultimately you still won’t be living with passion.
You may be asking; “what does living with passion have to do with
improving my skills at attracting women?”
My answer is; everything.
The greatest pickup artists in the world usually have a passion in their life
greater than seducing women.
For Mystery it is his love of magic and showmanship, for Neil Strauss it's
his love of journalism, for Cajun and Mehow its theatre, for Tyler
Durden its adventure, for Christian Hudson its entrepreneurship, for
Extramask its comedy…
What living with a higher passion does for each of these PUAs is it gives
them a reason to exist other than picking up women. It gives them
something to get excited about every morning. It gives them something
fascinating to talk to about. It gives them something to strive for,
something that gives meaning to their existence.
Six years ago I headed down to Buenos Aires, Argentina for a couple
weeks to visit a friend. That trip ignited a passion in me that burns
strongly to this day. Bobby Rio’s passion in life is traveling the world.
My desire to see the world is stronger than my desire for any girl or to
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make any amount of money. In fact, it defines a lot of my criteria for jobs
and relationships. I will never work a job that does not give me the
flexibility to travel often (2 weeks vacation a year won’t cut it) nor will I
date a girl who won’t just get up and go on a wild adventure with me.
How this relates to pickup and seduction
Since no one can ever take my love of travel away from me… I never
attach excess meaning to winning or losing with a particular girl. My
happiness is never defined by how many notches I’ve added to my belt. I
live with a willingness to walk away from any girl…
And like Life Coach Justin says in his Build it and they will Come article,
“this will help you have a strong basis for your self-esteem outside of
your success with women, and that, ironically, this will attract women.”
Discovering and cultivating your passion is an area that we are going to
discuss in much more detail during our Mansformation Weekend Retreat.
I think that the first step in cultivating your passion is to ask yourself, “If
money wasn’t an issue, what would I be doing with my life?”
Really taking time to think about this question will begin to give you a
deeper understanding into what internally drives you.
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7 Secrets for Getting out of a Slump

Slumps are a part of human nature. We all go through them. Sometimes

we get in a financial slump where we just can’t get caught up on bills.
Other times we go through a dating slump (draught) where it seems like
we’ll never kiss a girl again. And other times we go through a health
slump where we seem to just entirely let ourselves go.
The most frustrating thing about slumps is that more you try to get out
of one; the further along you seem to fall into it. Effectively removing
yourself from a slump can be a struggle, but with the right motivation
you can get right back on track in no time.
Here are 7 Ways to Motivate You Out of a Slump
1. Start Small. One of the biggest obstacles people face in overcoming
slumps is they become intimidated by the task at hand. For instance, if
you’ve been single for a long time, the mere thought of the time and
energy involved in starting a relationship can scare the crap out of you.
This prevents people from making any effort at all to interact with new
people. Instead of focusing on building a relationship; focus on just
talking to a couple new people a day. If you’re dreading putting seven
days a week in at the gym- instead commit to taking one long walk
around your block every night. If you want to get your finances in order
don’t dwell on how you’re going to pay off that $15,000 credit card
debt… just focus on paying off $25 a month.
2. Use Small Successes to Build Momentum. Once you’ve started
small you should be able to develop a new routine. Now that you’ve been
talking to two new people a day for a week… challenge yourself a bit and
start flirting with those two new people. Once you’ve got in the habit of
taking a walk every night; do a few crunches when you get home from it.
Once you’re no longer missing the $25 a month… start saving $35. The
trick is to gradually build momentum based on small accomplishments.
3. Focus on One Goal. Many times the reasons we fall into slumps is
because we’ve so over whelmed by everything going on in our life that
we choose to negate it all. And then when we try to get back on track, we
can’t figure out where to even start. It is impossible to stay energized and
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focused on improving too many areas at once. It is much better to just
pick one goal that you are committed to achieving right away. If you’re
lonely, out of shape, and broke… pick the goal that you think will be the
best catalyst for improving the other areas later on. It’s quite possible that
you’ll find the mere habit of working out daily will motivate you to meet
more people and get your finances in order.
4. Get Inspired. If you’re piss poor and think it’s impossible to change
your situation read blogs and books from people who were in similar
financial states and gone on to make millions. If you’re not having luck
meeting a significant other, read the hundreds of stories of guys who
were 30 year old virgins who went on to date some of the most beautiful
women in the world. The point is you need to continually inspire yourself
and at the same time remind yourself that it is completely possible.
5. Carry your Goal Around With You. Write your goal on an index
card and put it in your pocket. Every day, everywhere you go, that goal
will be right beside you. When you find yourself losing focus or
motivation… pull out the index card and reread your goal. When you
read over your goal make sure you’re visualizing yourself as having
achieved it. Stare at it and visualize it for however long it takes to snap
you back into the right frame of mind.
6. Find some Good Wingmen and Avoid the Negative. It is pretty
hard to accomplish something completely on your own. I find its best to
let a few select people in on your planned outcome… and ask for their
help in achieving it. If you’re looking to get into better shape find a good
workout buddy. Find someone who will push you through the rough
times. If you’re goal is to get better talking to women; hang around guys
who have already improved that area. And ask for advice… Or hang out
with guys in the process of changing themselves as well. You really need
to avoid the people in your life who bring about a negative influence.
There are some people out there who just don’t like seeing other people
succeed. These are not the kind of people you want to associate yourself
with.
7. Realize Motivation Comes and Goes. You’re not always going to be
100% motivated. Motivation comes and goes. The trick is that when
you’re feeling that gust of motivation to ride it out as long as possible.
And when that gust dies down… to know that it will arrive again shortly.
In the time where you’re motivation is lacking, its best to spend that time
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reading up on your goals, revising your plan, and talking to your
wingmen. This will prevent you from falling back into the slump.
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Can You Control Your Emotions Like Arod?

Inner game is not about succeeding every time.
In order to be as good a baseball player as Alex Rodriguez, I think we

would all agree he must have rock solid inner game.
Alex Rodriguez does not get a hit every time he goes up to the plate. In
fact, there are times the bases are loaded, the game is on the line… and
he strikes out. He does this in front of 50,000 people live, and millions of
people watching on television. He does this knowing that journalists
around the country are going to talk about it, and fans are going to
discuss it, and the manager, teammates, and owners are going to share
their opinion on it.
Can you imagine any more possible pressure?
My point is you’re not good or bad based on one experience. Or even a

collection of experiences. Alex Rodriguez is as good as he is because he is
able to learn to master his emotions. If every time he went up to the plate
he reminded himself how much pressure was on him… how would he
ever possibly hit the ball?
If every time he struck out or grounded into a double play he dwelled in

the emotion of frustration or disappointment… how would he ever
gather the courage to walk back up to the plate.
He is as good as he is because he is able to acknowledge the emotion of

disappointment or frustration. He then looks for the lesson that was
offered from the situation. Maybe he is swinging for fences instead of
just trying to make contact, maybe he took his eye off the ball for a split
second too long, or maybe the pitcher was just having a damn good day.
Once he realizes what action causes the frustration he can move on. He
can move on because he knows that in the past he’s overcome slumps.
So there is no reason he can’t overcome them in the future. Once he
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knows that he is certain of his ability to overcome it again, he goes and
works with the hitting coach to fix the flaw in his artillery.
Chances are you don’t face anywhere near the kind of pressure Arod
does. No one is paying attention to whether you’re striking out every
night, or scoring home runs.
This mean you can play the game and have as much fun with it as
possible.
You don’t face the wrath of millions of fans, an angry manager,

disappointed teammates, and pessimistic critics.
The only wraths you face are your emotions. If you learn to control
them… you’re on your way to inner game.
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Going Down in Flames

Written by Alex Strandberg
We all care way too much what a complete stranger that knows nothing
about us thinks. Fear of rejection is the underlying emotion in most
approaches.
The thought of a beautiful woman sitting there and calling you a loser in
front of the entire club makes most guys stomachs turn in knots. Sort or
ironically, being rejected will bring the most success with women into
your life. Let me explain
Internally most guys think that they are complete lonely losers that no
one could love. They greatly fear that women will find this out and have
no desire for them. They learn all these cool lines and tricks but that fear
of being thought of as a loser by women and confirming their already
held beliefs is still strong. It carries so much weight that it cripples them
from being comfortable in interactions or EVEN APPROACHING
WOMEN.
They try their hardest to avoid getting “rejected” in order to avoid facing
their own belief system. They try their very best to do everything “right
"and LOOK COOL but by the very act of trying they are doing
everything wrong. From this they place way too much importance on
getting a good re-action from the girl and becoming very outcome
dependent and needy. If the interaction goes well they get a false sense of
self esteem from the girl and feel good. If it goes badly then that fear of
actually being a loser is triggered and they feel terrible.
When you are outcome dependent you become very attached to what the
girl thinks of you. This just breeds of insecurity and neediness which if
you hadn’t guessed is a HUGE TURN OFF for women. Women are
attracted to men who could take or leave any woman. Not caring
whether the woman comes, stays, lays or prays seems very counter
intuitive but it's what will get you the “best” results and lead to a happier
and more peaceful life.
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In addition to this fear of being rejected is a fear of the unknown. If you
are just starting out in approaching or have done a couple of approaches
the fear of the unknown is still lingering in the background.
This fear makes your mind race at a hundred miles per hour with a
million
Questions: “what if she pours a drink on me?” “What if she rejects me
and all the people in the club laugh at me and I am humiliated?” “What if
this happens?” “What if that happens?” And so on. The only way around
fear of the unknown is to go straight through it and become comfortable
with ambiguity of approaching and life.
When you get rejected badly and the initial sting wears down you will
find it hilarious how some girls will treat a complete stranger who was
just saying Hi to them and being friendly. Part of the reason why they felt
the need to reject you badly is how annoyed they are at being hit on all
day by guys who haven’t a clue. Another part of it is the pleasure they get
from rejecting guys. They love the feeling of having the power to control
another person's state of emotions through their own actions.
One of the biggest fears that guys carry around with them is a fear of
going back to who they were before they learned of the seduction
community or any self help stuff. They remember how they felt before
knowing any better, the loneliness, the feeling or being powerless and
useless in driving the direction of their own lives.
Guy’s develop a debilitating fear of being rejected because they fear that
they will go back to who they were in the past. As a result, they avoid
rejection at all costs.
My suggestion: Go out with the intention of getting rejected HARD.
Like any fear, the only way around it is to go through it. Getting rejected,
laughed at, drink thrown in face is NOT A BIG DEAL. It’s not a big
deal but you need to go through harsh and “embarrassing” rejection in
order to realize that it doesn’t matter what some anorexic club ho who
has NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE thinks of you.
Hypnotica walked around for two months unshowered, unshaven, in a
dress with a dildo strapped to his head in order to get over caring about
what other people think. This is a great thing to do but it’s not very
practical to people with jobs and obligations. Alternatively, you can go
out as many times as needed with the intention of getting rejected.
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Here are a couple of things you can do to go down in flames:
-Go up to a girl or a group of girls and ask them “hey, do you like salads?
I like croutons that come with salads” It’s a very stupid and ridiculous
question to ask to girls in a club but it will help you get over trying to
look cool and caring what they think of you.
-Go up to a girl and in a suave and cheesy way say “Daddy’s home” but
try not to crack up laughing before you deliver the line.
After you say these two things or make up your own, DON’T try and
recover and get the girl-just make the approach as bad as you can
possibly make it. You might feel uneasy and dumb saying these things
but those feelings will eventually go away.
Each time you get rejected badly you will get closer and closer to not
giving a shit what other people think about you and you will stop caring
about the outcome of the situation. Releasing attachment and concern
for other’s opinion of you will GREATLY improve your success with
women and all other areas of your life.
After a while you will actually begin to enjoy being rejected because of
how funny it will become to you. Your skin will be so thick that nothing
she does will be any concern of yours. It will no longer send you down a
spiral of depression and completely ruin your night.
I’m sort of sadistic in nature; I’m not sure what I enjoy more, being
rejected badly or getting the girl. I’m leaning towards to former because
getting the girl is enjoyable but getting rejected harshly in a hilarious way
is damn entertaining.
-Alex
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Bust Through Your Comfort Zone

I´m sitting here at an outdoor internet cafe in Medellin, Colombia staring

at the beautiful city surrounded by mountains, and all I can think is ¨just
three years ago I used to shit myself at the thought of vacationing to
Colombia.¨
I would literally freeze up imagining myself alone in Colombia. I had
visions of corrupt police, rampant drug wars, kidnappings, violence, and
theft. Although I had visited Brazil and Argentina on several occasions,
Colombia was on a short list of places that I was too scared to venture.
Well, all it took was the persuasion of one hot Colombian girl, and here I
am. It's my third day here and I feel this incredible weight lifted off of my
shoulders. I have always prided myself in my sense of adventure... and I
cringed at the thought that there were places I was avoiding out of fear.
Well, I broke through my fear... only to find that they were completely
unwarranted.
Yes, completely unwarranted. Like most of our fears.
I´ve been giving a lot of thought about what contributes to that stealth
inner game that some guys seem to have. I´ve actually been building a list
of traits and actions we can make our own to slowly reach that
unstoppable confidence we all want.
And on that list is: THE DRIVE AND ABILITY TO BREAK
THROUGH OUR COMFORT ZONES
We all have comfort zones. We are comfortable with a certain group of
friends. We are comfortable at certain bars and clubs. We are
comfortable dating a certain scale of girls. We are comfortable
performing a certain type of job. We are comfortable making a certain
income...
But what I´ve come to realize is that the truly confident and successful
people rarely stay in their comfort zone long. Confident, successful
people are always looking to push and challenge themselves. They are
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always on the lookout for new opportunities that will inspire them to be
an even better person.
The main reason that most of us stay in our comfort zone is fear. Sure,
we will claim to really like hooking up with chubby girls. Or really love
that townie bar around the corner from our house.... but what we are
really saying is ¨We are not willing to take the risk to find out if
something better exists.¨
But the fact remains: Something better does exist. But we won´t ever
attain it if we aren´t willing to sacrifice comfort for a little while.
Here is my advice: Take Action
Make a list of people, places, and actions that are a part of your comfort
zone. Do you go to the same hair stylist because you love their haircut, or
are you afraid to try someone else? Do you find yourself heading to the
same bar? Buying the same polo t-shirts? Hitting on the same scale of
girls? Going for the same type of job? Make a list of everything that falls
within your comfort zone.
Once you´ve created a list of things that make up your comfort zone;
make another list. This is your Action List. On this list write down one
step you can take towards breaking out of your comfort zone. Write the
name of a bar you´ve always wanted to check out. Write the image
change you´ve been dying to make. Write down the job you´ve always
wanted to apply for.
Now look at that list. And do everything on it. You want unstoppable
inner game? Then do it. Do it.
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10 Ways to Immediately Make Yourself More

Attractive
You want to see immediate results? You want to start getting more
phone numbers, more looks, more compliments? Then implement these
simple ten steps now and you’ll have more dates than you can handle.
Tip #1- Improve your Posture
Most people don’t realize the importance of posture. But it says more
about you than anything that comes out of your mouth. Bad posture can
make you look bored, depressed, or just plain homely.
Improving your posture starts with becoming aware of it. Just being
aware of excessive slouching will force you to take action right then.
Toning your muscles through exercise will also help enhance posture.
Place your head squarely on top of your neck, make sure your shoulders
are upright and your back is arched forward. This will make you appear
taller and more confident. Be sure to leave your arms relaxed and loose.
A great way to improve posture is to remain active throughout the day.
This will prevent your body from being molded the wrong way.
Tip #2- Smile
A smile can literally light up a room. A man or woman who walks around
flashing a smile will always be perceived to be more attractive. With a
healthy smile, we are able to transmit the emotions within our hearts. It is
very true that our smile reflects our mood, personality and even our inner
health. Smiling makes you seem warmer, more inviting, confident,
happy… but the best part is that a great smile can make someone else
feel all of these same emotions and attach them to you.
The best way to improve your smile is by practicing in front of a mirror.
Make sure that what you're intending as a smile isn’t coming off as a
smirk. Also pay attention to your teeth. Nice teeth are a cornerstone of a
good smile. If you’re teeth are yellow consider getting them whitened. It
is also important to stay on top of dentist visits.
Tip #3- Tanning
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Don’t misunderstand this tip as a call for you to turn yourself into an
orange oompa loompa. Orange skin is not attractive. But some healthy
looking color can benefit anyone, especially in the winter time when our
complexions tend to get pale.
I would generally recommend tanning a few times a month. I usually go
just enough to have color, but not so much that people can recognize
that I’ve been tanning. Tan skin makes you look thinner, healthier, and
tends to make your clothes look better against your skin. It also helps
hide imperfections in your complexion.
Tip #4- Be Flirtatious
Someone who knows how to flirt effectively will always attract more of
the opposite sex than someone who solely relies on their looks. Flirting is
an art form that if you can master you will be a few steps ahead of the
competition. Flirting is essential in creating sexual tension.
They key to flirting is achieving a sense of relaxed playfulness. Teasing is
a great way to flirt. As is competitive flirting which takes the form of
slight sarcasm and dry wit. Cooperative flirting is different. Rather than
jabbing her, you pull her into your reality and create an “us against the
world” dynamic. Flirting is a mix of pushing away with words and pulling
in with actions.
In the game of flirting think back to how you acted towards that
classmate you had a crush on in the fourth grade… and act the same
exact way.
Tip #5- Get an Expensive Haircut
The haircut needs to be great. It is very easy to go the cheap route when
it comes to getting your haircut and head to the local Supercuts. This
won’t cut it if your goal is to immediately make yourself more attractive.
The key here is going to a salon that has a great reputation. These salons
will usually cost you much more than your local barber… but it's worth
it.
Movie stars look like movie stars because they have the best that money
can by making them look that way. Even if it is only a one time deal you
deserve to get a “movie star” haircut. Stylists at these salons know how
to shape a haircut around your particular face, head size, and personal
style. There will be a huge difference. Even if you can’t afford to
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continually get your hair cut at these more expensive salons, at least you
can take some pictures of yourself and plaster your MySpace profile with
them!
Tip #6- Hang Around Attractive People
Humans look for short cuts when it comes to forming their own
opinions. It is much easier to let others guide us. We tend to look for
reasons that will support our reality. So if we see an average looking girl
hanging around a bunch of models we will tend to look for her better
qualities to justify her being there. The same can be said for an average
looking guy who walks into a bar with a beautiful woman… everyone in
the bar will look for his positive qualities to reason it.
On the other end if you’re an above average looking person but you hang
out with the local riff raft people will look for your negative qualities to
explain why you’re slumming. People like to make opinions quickly. And
one of the easiest ways to do this is to lump you in with the company you
keep. Therefore, the more attractive the company you keep, the more
attractive you will be perceived to be.
Tip #7- Stay Well Kept and Well Groomed
There are grooming tips that you can implement immediately that will
drastically increase your attractiveness. The first is getting rid of all
unwanted hair. This includes nose hair, ear hair, facial hair (especially if
you’re a girl), and inappropriate body hair. And pluck your eye brows.
Eliminating a unibrow alone can change the look of your face.
Others actions that you can take is cutting your nails, cleaning wax out of
your ears, controlling dandruff, acne, or other skin conditions.
Tip #8- Learn how to Dance
If you want to attract the attention of the opposite sex during a night on
the town you should consider learning how to dance. A good dancer is
immediately perceived to be more sexual, thus increasing their perceived
attraction.
If you are not a naturally good dancer I would recommend taking some
dance lessons. You can usually find dance lessons locally. The lessons are
usually available in group form and individual form. I would usually
recommend taking a few individual lessons before you jump into the
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group classes. It may cost a few dollars but you will be amazed to see
what kind of response you get next time you're asked out onto the dance
floor.
Tip #9- Add Accessories to your Wardrobe
If you take notice of most celebrities the one thing you’ll find in common
with all of them is that they all make use of accessories. Accessories are
items you can add to your outfit to give you some added flash.
Accessories include belts, earrings, watches, hats, bracelets, necklaces,
glasses, and scarves. Adding these things to an outfit shows that you put
thought into the way you look, and that you are confident in your ability
to pull off wearing these things.
Good use of accessories will make you more noticeable in a crowd.
There is a term called “peacocking” which means purposely dressing in a
way to draw attention to you. While you may not choose to go that
extreme, you should seriously consider added some flash to your look.
Tip #10- Smell Good
Smell is one of the brain’s strongest senses. It is the sense that provokes
the most intense emotions. And can spark animal like sexual attraction.
There is a theory that pheromones play a huge part in sexual attraction
and I would not argue with that at all. One thing is for certain, the better
you smell; the more attractive you will be appear to the opposite sex.
Although taste is subjective, the purchase of a good cologne or perfume
is a great investment. My recommendation is to sample a few different
brands and ask a member of the opposite sex to judge. Ideally you can
have several different men or women give you their opinions on which
one is the best. Once you purchase a fragrance make sure you put just
the right amount of it on. Too much of a good thing can be a turn off.
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3 Tips for Abs of Steel

Abs are like a prized possession. They seem almost elusive at times. What
makes abs so desirable is that most people aren’t willing to put in the
effort it takes to get them. This makes people fascinated with them,
which in turn bring up the value of anyone who takes off their shirt to
display a six pack.
For me though, the periods in my life where I’ve had abs… have always
been more about the sense of personal accomplishment then about how
they looked…. although they looked SWEET!
Unfortunately I let myself go over the last year… and we all know that
while abs take awhile to build... they disappear in an instant.
Here are three tips that I’ve found helpful during the times in my life that
I’ve reached my desired outcome. These are no secrets… Because there
is no short cut. But sometimes it's good to remember how basic it can be
to get what we want… with the proper discipline.
1. Cardio, Cardio, and Cardio: You can do a million crunches a day…
but if you’ve got a solid layer of fat covering your abs you’ll never see
them. Everyone knows that the trick to getting rid of fat is cardio. What
people fail to realize is that the cardio needs to be intense. 20 minutes on
the treadmill while reading a magazine and chatting on the phone won’t
cut it.
Three to four sessions a week of intense jogging, running, the
Stairmaster, the elliptical, jumping rope, or biking should be enough to
get the process in gear. Swimming, hiking, and taking aerobics classes are
beneficial as well. Nothing beats jogging or running. It is the most
intense, efficient, and effective method of burning calories.
It will take a minimum of three to four days a week of intense cardio to
burn the amount of calories needed to shed fat around your gut.
2. Proper Nutrition: I think a problem many people have is that once
they start working out and burning calories they look at it as a free pass
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to pig out. I seriously know girls who finish their workouts and head to
Hagen Daz for a Sundae.
The whole point of spending all that time burning calories is to start
burning the excess fat. If you’re filling yourself up with shitty foods,
you’ll never get to the point where you’re body starts converting fat into
energy.
But it is important to get something in you. Not eating on time or at all is
almost as bad as eating too much. You should keep protein intake high
(approximately 50% of daily calories), carbs moderate (40%), and fats
minimal (10%).
Drink at least a gallon of clean water each day as well. It will help in
nutrient absorption and digestion and will help flush toxins from the
body.
Working out Your Abs: The biggest mistake that most people make
when trying to build abdominal muscle is that they do sets of crunches or
sit ups without any resistance. Would you work your biceps out with no
resistance? Or your chest?
Here’s an important key. If you want proper abs development, you need
to add resistance (weight) to your abs exercises. Abs are muscles just like
biceps, triceps, pecs, and glutes. You need resistance to properly
strengthen and build them. The same goes for abdominals.
The Five Best Abs Exercises
Weighted Crunches - Grab a dumbbell, either hold it in front of your
face, or let it lie on your upper chest, under your chin, and perform
regular crunches. You are now using your abs more to work against the
leverage the dumbbell has created. Stick with a heavy enough weight
where you can handle 10-15 reps, but no more. Remember, you need to
create enough resistance where your abs are forced to work.
Cable Rope Crunches - Grab the triceps rope; kneel on your knees, and
bend downwards, forcefully contracting your abs on the way down. It’s
basically a crunch; only, you are on your knees. But the contraction is the
same. Don’t swing with the hips, you are not using the abs very much if
you do. Just a slight, 30 degree contraction until you feel the abs contract,
hold for a couple seconds, then back up.
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Weighted Leg Raises - Lie flat on your back, with your hands tucked
under your butt. Wrap your feet around a small dumbbell, and perform
leg raises. Start with your feet about 6 inches from the ground, then raise
them about 12-16 inches from the ground and then back down slowly.
These can be done on the end of a bench as well.
Seated Abs Machine - Once again, do not swing all the way down, just
far enough (30 degrees) to fully contract the abs, hold for a couple
seconds, then back up. This is very similar to Cable rope crunches.
Stability Ball Crunches - Working on the stability ball will incorporate
balance into your abdominal work. They are effective at strengthening
your core region, which is your abs and lower back.
As you can see doing these exercises while adding some resistance will
build muscle much quicker and in larger gains. If at the same time you’re
eating healthy and burning calories you should be seeing results in a
couple months.
A couple months of intense workouts are a small price to pay for abs of
steel.
If you’re unsure of proper nutrition or just need a good plan to follow
Bodybuilding.com has a really great free personal trainer course that will
set you in the right direction.
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A Manly Guide to Choosing Your Drink

There is a dirty rumor in the pick-up community claiming it is better to

stay sober when gaming women in bars and clubs. We can argue
semantics… but I’ll just say you’ll never see Bobby Rio clinging to a club
soda. Yea… you’re game tends to be a little tighter when you’re not red
faced, wobbly, and slurring your words… but you don’t have as much
fun, do you? I mean all of my most memorable nights have involved me
waking up, looking at the girl next to me and thinking, “what the hell
happened last night?”
So the real question isn’t should you or shouldn’t you drink when you hit
the bars… the real question is what kind of drink will best serve your
purpose.
Your drink always serves two purposes: to get you hammered, and to
make you look cool in the process.
You don’t think I actually enjoy the endless rounds of SoCo and lime
shots I guzzle down, or the unnecessary twelve packs I always grab for
the after party.
No, these are all part of the show. Shit I hate the taste of booze. If I
drank alone I’d probably be sipping Bay Breezes or some kind of Dairies,
maybe a Pina Coloda… but there are certain rules you need to follow in
social environments.
The rules bend a little depending on the location… but certain ones are
set in stone.
Never order anything they are going to serve you in a plastic cup.
You tend to find this atrocity at bars that are near college campuses.
These plastic cup drinks are usually reserved for the drink special of the
night. You know… the $1 Miller Light draft or the $3 Margarita.
These drinks not only taste like shit as they’re usually stale beer, or
bottom shelf tequila drowned in sour mix… but you look cheap drinking
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them. What does it say to everyone that you will sacrifice the enjoyment
of your drink to save a buck?
Hell, even if I planned on drinking Miller anyway, I would pay extra to
have them pour it in a pint glass.
Never order anything frozen or served in a novelty glass with a
funny straw… unless you’re sitting on a beach in the Caribbean.
You think this one would be self explanatory but I never fail to see some
schlep slurping on Mudslide wondering why he hasn’t been laid in a year.
Drinking one of the “vacation” drinks sends out the vibe that you don’t
get out often. In fact it says that your life sucks so bad that trolling
around this shitty bar is actually an “event” for you.
The only exception to this rule is ordering a Margarita at a Mexican joint.
Anything ordered on the rocks looks cool. Let’s face it. Rocks glasses
are cool. It doesn’t much matter what’s in the glass so long as it’s clear or
brown.
Remember clear or brown… I don’t care how much you liked the Big
Lebowski it’s never acceptable to order a White Russian.
The name of the drink is more important than what is inside it.
Because someone is going to hear you order it, or inevitably some girl
will ask you what you’re drinking, and you don’t want to have to respond
“Fuzzy Navel.”
Generally, anything with a novelty name like Alabama Slammer, Sex on
the Beach, Malibu Bay Breeze, Buttery Nipple, or Kamikaze is off limits.
And I don’t care how good you think it taste… you are never ever to
order a Cosmo. Never. Never.
A safe bet is to order something your grandfather would have
drank. There will be times when you freeze like a deer in headlights
when the bartender asks “what you drinking.” Your first reaction may be
to spit out “Michelob Ultra” but you need to regroup and imagine what
your grandfather would have ordered.
Back in his day, men were men, and they drank scotch on the rocks, rye
and coke, Manhattan, rusty nail… they didn’t ruin the integrity of their
vodka by splashing cranberry juice in it.
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So remember it is quite alright to get a little sauced when you hit the
bars… in fact I even encourage it. But you must look cool in the process.
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7 Steps to 5aturally Boost Testosterone

There seems to be a huge fascination with guys taking steroids lately.

Obviously the major reason being that the increase in testosterone most
anabolic steroids produce causes extraordinary gains in muscle mass. In
addition to the gains in muscle mass many guys become addicted to the
adrenaline rush of having excess testosterone flowing through their veins.
To put it bluntly; Taking steroids is a coward’s way out that leads
nowhere fast. I’ve seen many of my friends succumb to the lure of
steroids. While they would tell themselves it was going to be only one
time… soon they became reliant on them and were doing cycle after
cycle.
Not only are steroids an expensive habit, the side effects can be brutal in
the short term… and deadly in the long term.
This is not to say that your body couldn’t benefit from extra testosterone.
Testosterone is the most important muscle building hormone in your
body, and even a slight increase in its level will provide many amazing
benefits.
Benefits of increased testosterone’
* Increase in strength and muscle size
* Body fat decrease
* Increased sex drive and endurance
* More energized and motivated
* Decrease in bad cholesterol
* Makes you more attractive to women
Increasing testosterone can be a huge benefit to you. Instead of cheating
and doing it the artificial way that will drain your wallet and health; I’m
going to give you tips to naturally increase your testosterone.
Here’s the biology behind testosterone:
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First, the brain releases a substance called Luteinizing Hormone, or “LH”
for short. LH basically “tells” the body to start producing testosterone.
Once this occurs, the adrenal glands release DHEA into the
bloodstream. LH and DHEA then travel together to the testes where
testosterone production begins. Testosterone can now be released into
the bloodstream to perform its magic.
1. Fill your work out with compound exercises. Exercises that put your
muscles under the most amount of stress will force your body to produce
more testosterone. These exercises include squats, dead lifts, bench
presses, dips, lunges, and military presses.
2. Push yourself 110% at the gym. True gains in muscle and testosterone
come when you push yourself to the limit at the gym.
3. Increase consumption of Essential Fatty Acids. The EFAs found in
peanuts, avocadoes, fish, olives, flaxseed, and canola are a proven natural
way to boost testosterone.
4. Reduce Estrogen levels. Reducing the levels of estrogen (the main
female hormone) will greatly increase your testosterone. You can reduce
estrogen by eating more cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, cauliflower,
cabbage, radishes, and turnips. You can also reduce estrogen by limiting
the amount of soy protein you take in. Soy has been known to raise
estrogen levels which decrease testosterone levels.
5. Limit Cortisol production. Cortisol is a catabolic hormone that will
cause testosterone to plummet. Cortisol is produced during times of high
stress or anxiety. It is also produced during times of lack of sleep.
6. Eliminate Binge Drinking. Excessive alcohol consumption can
drastically reduce testosterone levels. It is best to keep your drinking to a
minimum and try not to exceed more than three drinks in a night.
7. Have more sex. Sexual stimulation causes the body to increase the
production of oxytocin which increases endorphin production (the “feel-
good” chemical), and this also raises testosterone.
If you follow these 7 steps you can avoid having to resort to sticking
needles in your ass a couple days a week.
These 7 steps will provide that natural boost in testosterone that will
leave you feeling more healthy, vibrant, sexual, and attractive.
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How to 5aturally Increase Energy Levels

Last night I took my girl to the Bon Jovi concert at MSG. We got home
extremely late, and it took me another hour to wind down enough to
sleep. Needless to say, I was exhausted this morning. After struggling to
find the motivation to begin writing … I decided to hit 7-11 for my
second Red Bull of the day.
After guzzling the Red Bull and feeling that instant, but short lived, jolt
of energy I decided to do some research into how I can naturally increase
my energy level.
Energy is the fuel we all run on. Without it we are virtually useless. Think
about how much more you would accomplish in life if you had an
endless supply of energy.
5 Ways to Naturally Increase Your Energy
As easy as it seems to pop a Stacker 3, down a Red Bull, or hit Dunkin
Donuts for your fourth cup of coffee… these are all temporary fixes that
will leave you even more depleted in the long run. Everything listed
below will increase your energy level for the long term. You might not
get that instant gratification that a Red Bull will give you, but over time
you’ll slowly find you no longer need to flood your body with caffeine.
1. Nutrition.
Make sure you get enough fruits, vegetables, proteins and complex
carbohydrates in your everyday diet. Make sure you consume complex
carbohydrates and not just simple carbohydrates. Examples of simple
carbohydrates would be candy, soda, cake and table sugar. Simple
carbohydrates create a short burst of energy that will simply wear off and
leave you depressed. Don’t feed your body junk. You’ll simply get fat and
become lazier than before.
The carbs that you should be taking into your body should be complex
carbohydrates such as whole grain bread, whole grain rice or even apples.
Continuously feed your body small amounts of complex carbohydrates to
get the most out of your diet.
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In addition to proper diet you should be taking a multi vitamin every day.
Modern diets are usually void of many of the key vitamins and minerals
our bodies need. By taking a daily multi vitamin you can be sure you’ll be
getting the daily recommended amount of all of them.
If you live an exceptionally active life style you might want to supplement
with an additional B complex. The B vitamins act as coenzymes,
compounds that unite with a protein component called an apoenzyme to
form an active enzyme. The enzyme then acts as a catalyst in the
chemical reactions that transfer energy from the basic food elements to
the body.
Another great way to get bursts of nutrients that your body needs is by
using a juicer. I actually went through a period of about six months
where I had completely given up caffeine and replaced morning coffee
with a homemade juice. It gets messy and expensive, but it truly works
wonders for energy. I would advice picking up a decent juicer along with
a book on good juicing recipes.
2. Conditioning
Conditioning is your efficiency to move oxygen and blood to needed
parts of the body. It includes:
* Strengthening the muscles involved in respiration in order to better
move oxygen in and out of the lungs.
* Working the body’s muscles which support healthy circulation and
blood pressure.
* Increases the number of red blood cells in the body, to better
transport oxygen throughout the body.
Conditioning takes place through daily exercise. The fact is; most of us
don’t exercise nearly as much as we should be. Even if you hate the idea
of spending time in the gym, you can be taking a jog at the track, joining
in a game of basketball or ultimate Frisbee, or just taking a morning
power walk around the park.
3. Get the right amount of sleep
Everyone’s body is different, but on average we need about 7-8 hours of
sleep a night. What most people fail to realize is that even though you’ve
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been lying in your bed for 8 hours does not mean you got 8 hours of
solid sleep.
Using myself as an example, last night after lying in bed at about 1:00 am,
I tossed and turned, got up several times to use the bathroom, found
myself too hot, and then too cold, adjusting the pillow every 3 minutes…
before finally falling asleep at about 2:30.
You need to make sure that you are getting 8 hours of restorative sleep.
If you know you have a tendency to toss and turn for an hour before
finally falling asleep- lie down an hour earlier. If you find you have to
continually go to the bathroom throughout the night, limit your beverage
intake to two hours before bedtime.
If you still find that you’re having trouble getting a thorough night sleep
you might want to take some supplements that support sleep patterns
such as ZMA and Melatonin. Remember, I said supplements, not
sleeping pills.
You also want to avoid getting too much sleep. I find that when I stay in
bed an extra hour or two in the morning, I tend to be lifeless the rest of
the day. I would advise you to avoid sleeping more than the
recommended 8 hours.
4. Motivation
One of the surest ways to get you pumped full of energy is to get yourself
in a completely motivated state.
One of the ways that I’ve been doing that lately is by writing all of my
goals on index cards. I’ve taped the index cards to my computer, to my
bathroom mirror, and to my television. Everywhere I look from the
minute I wake up; I am forced to stare at my goals. There is no hiding
from them. Being forced to look at your goals forces you to think about
what you have to do to achieve them.
Knowing what your goals are is not always enough to motivate some of
us. Sometimes we need to be motivated by the promise of extreme
pleasure or the fear of extreme pain. A good way to stay motivated is to
create a picture album or collage of your goals. In this photo album or
collage paste pictures of things you’re striving for. These pictures can
include pictures of the car you want, the body you want, the girl you
201
want, the career you want… Anything that will inspire you and get your
mind racing.
On the opposite side of that, you can post a picture of yourself with your
less than ideal body weight. If you’re trying to lose weight, take a picture
of yourself in a swim suit, and force yourself to see it daily. For some
people the pain of seeing themselves look less than desirable will
motivate them to get off their ass.
5. Anchoring
This is something that I’ve been using lately to great success. I have been
flooding my mind with motivational audio programs like Tony Robbins,
Jim Rohn, and Jack Canfield.
Every morning, the first thing I do is listen to one hour of one of these
speakers on my IPod. These speakers, especially Tony Robbins, do a
great job of pumping me up. I’ve found that since I’ve gotten used to
being pumped up in the morning from the audio… that now, even on
days I skip listening to the audio, I am naturally more energized in the
morning.
Music is another great way to create an anchor. If you listen to a certain
song continually during times you feel completely motivated… you’ll be
able to recreate that feeling just by hearing the song.
I’ve done this with working out. There are a couple songs I listen to over
and over again at the gym. I will make sure I play these songs while I’m
busting my butt on cardio as they always push me to go the extra mile.
What has been remarkable is that even away from the gym, when I hear
these songs I get that burst of motivation I usually feel on the treadmill.
If you follow these 5 tips you should be able to slowly wean yourself off
the Red Bull.
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How to Redo Your Wardrobe

Written by Michael Stoute
This is a 3 part series I am writing about how to redo your wardrobe.

One of the biggest problems I see when I look at what guys wear, or
better yet their closet; is that there is little or no synergy with the entire
wardrobe. This makes things hard for a number of reasons.
• They always wear (piece of clothing) because it goes with

everything
• A majority of their wardrobe is the med to their personal interests
• Most of the stuff is old and anything new was a onetime purchase
(event)
You Need Some Clarity
So you want to dress cool and be hip? It all starts with understanding
what you’re working with and getting rid of what you don’t wear. Yes,
this article is about how to throw away your clothes to get ready to redo
your wardrobe. There is a reason that you do this first and you will
understand by the next article in the series.
Organize by Type
Get all your clothes together, I mean all of them. Go down stairs or in
the attic and pull out everything you own for all seasons and events. Now
organize everything by type, not season.
A common problem is that men put things away because it’s “winter”
clothes and then forget about them over time. You have to manage your
wardrobe just like your food supply. When you’re running out of
something, replace it with more so you can stay style fat!
After you have everything organized; pants, shorts, shirts, t-shirts, shoes,
hats, jackets, sport coats, suits and underwear, never forget the
underwear…
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Throw it Out!
Go through each pile and start throwing out everything you don’t wear.
If you are looking at something and saying “but I have always had this”
or “this is my lucky t-shirt”, dump it or wash it and put it in a box
somewhere that you will bury as a time capsule for aliens to find in the
future.
The only way this will work is if you get rid of everything you don’t wear
so that you can see what you actively have to work with. Most people
only wear 15-25 different items on a regular basis yet everyone has a
closet full of crap.
What’s’ Left?
If you haven’t been clothes shopping too much lately then you are
probably left over with a relatively small amount of clothing. These are
your staple outfits that you currently wear.
Now I want you to either write down or take pictures (preferred) of what
you currently have and wear on a regular basis. If you take digital
pictures, then print them out on a cheap color printer so that you can just
cut them out like photos.
Homework
Study the remaining clothes or pictures of them and get ready for Part 2.
Part 2
If you read the previous post in this series “The Throw Away”, then you
have already gone through your entire wardrobe and thrown away what
you didn’t need following the process I outlined. You have also looked at
all the remaining items and studied them, either with photos, pen and
paper or in your head
Now it’s time to move into the second phase.
Mix and Match
I want you to go through all your remaining clothes and see what actually
goes together. Let’s start with colors first. If you don’t wear too many
colors (like most men) this will not be hard and may not even be
necessary.
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Look at what you currently have and see what your outfit possibilities
are. Try to make 5 different outfits out of what you have. If you used any
of the clothing items in more than one outfit, then this is a clue where
the weakest part of your wardrobe lies.
The reason I wanted you to make 5 different outfits is because you want
to be able to “recycle” what you wear every week so that you are not
wearing the same thing every day and for laundry reasons as well. The
ideal set of different outfits is 10 in my opinion. This way you can wear
something different for 10 days and do laundry every 5 days, always
leaving you with clean clothes!
(+ $250)
Now that you have thrown away unused clothes and picked out some
outfits with the remaining, it’s time to put on the finishing touch on your
new wardrobe. The reason this part requires money is simple, clothes
cost money and you will always have to invest money into your wardrobe
to keep it updated. $250 is a fair amount for a man to spend on his
wardrobe in one day, but just think of it as a kick start to your new
image. Your initial investment…
Take some of your hard earned money and get ready to shop, but before
you go I want you to remember the 5 outfits that you are working with
already and/or take pictures of them with you. Think about the weaker
points of your wardrobe and what you need most.
Men can typically wear the same or similar jeans over and over without
any problem so my guess is that you probably are going to take a bulk of
this money and spend it on tops. If you don’t have any decent jeans, I
suggest going to the GAP and buying 2 nice pairs of boot cut jeans to
add to your current wardrobe. The jeans should run you about $50-
$75…
Shirts and Tops
To start things off you want to pick up 3-4 new shirts/sweaters or some
kind of top. I would say go to Marshalls or some other “Yesterdays
Fashion” outlet and look through the clearance racks. I rarely buy things
full price and I always visit the clearance section of every store I go to
first. You should be able to find 3-4 or more nice things for around $75-
$100.
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