A Much-Needed Break

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/52950841.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M
Fandom: The Empyrean - Rebecca Yarros
Relationship: Xaden Riorson/Violet Sorrengail
Characters: Xaden Riorson, Violet Sorrengail, Bodhi Durran, Catriona Cordella
Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Love Confessions, Book 2: Iron
Flame (Empyrean), Spoilers for Book 2: Iron Flame (Empyrean),
Complicated Relationships
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2024-01-10 Words: 2,688 Chapters: 1/1
 A Much-Needed Break
by oywiththepoodlz

Summary

Xaden and Violet have a conversation about Cat.

Notes

So the throne scene in Iron Flame was super hot, but I wanted a little more emotional heft in
the follow-up conversation. I hope you like my take. This is my first fanfic, so be gentle! :)
“Hey Violence take a break” Xaden hooks a finger over the top edge of my book and pulls it
toward him.

We’re spread out on our bed–I still can’t get used to the idea of ours, but it’s starting to feel
real. Xaden’s catching up on reports before an Assembly meeting, while I’m reading up on
Tyrrish history before my next class.

“No!” I try to sound stern, but the adorable pleading look on his face convinces me to lean in
and brush a soft kiss to his lips, “I told you, no “breaks” until I’m done with this chapter!”

Over the course of the past hour, we’ve taken quite a few breaks, unable, as always to keep
our hands to ourselves. But I was determined to get through at least a single chapter, so
boundaries had to be drawn.

Encouraged by my kiss, Xaden slides up the bed until he’s laying between my legs, his
beautiful face looking up into mine as I lean back against the wall.

“I never agreed to that” he replies, arching his scarred eyebrow in mock consternation. Then
he shakes his head, “But that’s not what I’m after”

“Oh? Then what is it you’re after?” My smile grows as I brush my fingers through his hair, so
completely in love that I can barely think straight. What are we even talking about?

He gives a tiny sigh and leans his head against my arm as he looks up at me.

“Bodhi said Cat has been giving you a rough time–can I help?”

My smile slips as I tense against him. It’s always about Cat, she’s like the gift that keeps on
giving.

“Bodhi should mind his own business.” But he’s still looking up at me, concerned, so I go on,
“It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Oh I know you can handle just about anything” Xaden insists, tugging at the end of my
loose braid, “but since we’re in this together” he gestures back and forth between us, “why
don’t you talk to me and let me help?”

He’s gentle about it, but I know he’s not planning to give it up. His beautiful onyx eyes
sparkle up at me with so much love, so much patience that it makes me want to cry. I’ve
avoided any mention of Cat, not wanting to add more to his already very full plate. And if
I’m being honest, I’ve avoided mention of her to preserve my own sanity as well. Her
persistent taunts have taken up full-time residence in my mind and I have to work hard to
clear out her words on how he tastes, how he feels above her, how his fingers feel inside her,
and how I’m nothing but a convenient body to fuck.

I know it’s not true. Xaden loves me, he has not only said it, but proven it over and over
again over the last few months. But somewhere deep inside, there’s a nagging sliver of doubt
that will not go away. He hasn’t told me about his deal with my mother, has kept so much
information from me about his life before. What if Cat is another inconvenient truth that he
hasn’t unleashed on me yet? What if there really is more to their relationship than he’s let on?

“I can see the gears working in that beautiful brain of yours” Xaden smiles, his fingers
tracing the curve of my lip, his eyes following the trail closely, his gaze warming. “Tell me
what’s going on.” Then, softly pleading “Please?”

He’s asking to be let in and how can I deny him when all I want is for us to be closer, for
there to be no secrets between us.

I sigh, gathering my thoughts.

“She’s basically thrown everything she’s got at me” I start cautiously, already feeling tears
rising behind my eyes.

“Let’s see–she’s told me about your sex life, in great detail, taunted that I’ll never understand
you and that I’m just a convenient body for you to fuck. Oh and how could I forget, she
dropped a mention of how you were engaged and that it’s only a matter of time before you’re
back in her arms. I think that about covers it.”

I work hard to keep my voice light and sarcastic, as if these are just silly lunchtime
conversations that go in one ear and out the other, instead of the jagged shards that they are,
buried deep in my heart.

But Xaden’s not buying it. He pulls himself up and out of my lap, shifting so that he sits next
to me, his shoulder brushing against mine.

“First of all, we were betrothed, not engaged” he starts, then, before I can interrupt with
something snarky, he adds, “it’s different, believe me. I didn’t exactly have a choice in the
matter seeing as it happened when I was all of fifteen.”

My eyes jump to his quickly, surprised. Fifteen? It was an arrangement? That’s certainly not
how Cat made it sound.

Xaden sees my surprise, and nods, “My father sat me down and explained it to me at the
time–he said that the betrothal didn’t mean that we had to get married, only that when the
time came, it was something we both had to consider. For our people.”

He looks down at his lap where he shuffles his fingers restlessly. This is not a comfortable
topic for him, I can tell, but he’s sharing, he’s letting me in. So I look on and let the story spill
out of him.

“The betrothal kicked in when she turned twenty, three years ago, and we did give it a shot.”
He pushes out a heavy breath and shakes his head, as if to clear away a bad thought. “It was a
disaster.” His eyes find mine so that I can see the truth of his words, “we could barely stand
to be around each other without fighting. I promise, there was no great love story there.”

But that doesn’t quite sit right with me.

“That’s not what she thinks” I counter, gently but firmly.

“She wanted it to work” Xaden concedes, “but not for any good reason.”

He’s still not saying something, but he’s the one that pushed for this conversation, so I’m not
letting him slide.

“What was her reason?”

“She wanted to marry the heir of Tyrrendor”

The words hang between us like icicles, ready to drop and shatter around us at any minute.

“Technically” he puts a heavy emphasis on the word, “I’m the heir to the Tyrrish throne.”

He shakes his head when he sees the incredulity in my eyes and goes on.

“Tyrrendor has not had an actual king in six hundred years, as you well know. I’m not going
to be sitting on any throne anytime soon, but Tecarus was convinced it was a possibility. So
when it came time to make a deal for the luminary, that was the deal they struck–linking our
bloodlines and war efforts, and everything in between.”

“You’re a prince?”

That’s not a tidbit you just slide past.

“Yes” he confirms with a bit of impatience.

“And Cat wants to be your queen?”

“Yes.”

He rolls his eyes and tugs my arm to pull me closer, teasing “but there’s only one person in
the running” his lips brush the top of my hand and he gives me a warm, reassuring smile. But
I’m not done asking questions yet.

“So…you didn’t like each other? That was the end of the betrothal?”

“Pretty much” he confirms, “We also discovered that Tecarus had no intention of giving us
the luminary, but instead wanted us to use it in Cordyn…” he shakes his head in annoyance,
“I made the call to break the betrothal and, as you can tell, that’s caused a bit of backlash.”

“That’s an understatement” I huff.

The background context helps a bit, but I still feel the bitter sting of jealousy in my throat and
Xaden can read me like a book.

“What else is bothering you?” He prods gently, tightening his grip on my hand.

I follow the movement of my fingers as they stroke the fringe on the coverlet absently, trying
to find the right words.
“She knows you” I finally let out, softly. I’m surprised to feel the sting of tears behind my
eyes, this wasn’t supposed to be that kind of conversation. I wasn’t planning to fall apart in
tears, but when it comes to Xaden, nothing is how I plan it.

He’s looking at me with so much love and concern and I feel like I might just shatter into a
million pieces from all the emotions roiling inside me.

“She has a piece of you, of your past, that I’ll never have” I continue quietly, “and that hurts”
I admit.

Xaden’s hands cup my cheeks, pulling my gaze to his. His thumbs stroke along my face
gently as he brings his forehead to mine.

“Violet” he intones, drawing all my attention to the deep feeling in his voice, “I can’t help
that I knew her first, that our lives were intertwined when we were children.”

I know that, but when it comes to him, logic isn’t exactly my strong suit.

“But I didn’t choose her,” he continues, “I didn’t choose her back when we were kids and the
betrothal was agreed upon, and I didn’t choose her later when it came time to act on it. And
yes, there were other factors involved, but the bottom line is that I didn’t love her, didn’t even
like her, and couldn’t imagine sharing my life, my throne, my bed with her long-term.”

I’m rapt with attention as the words continue to pour out of him.

“I chose you, Violet. I will always choose you.” He pulls me into his chest, brushing kisses
along my forehead and temple. “You’ll never know how sorry I am that I’ve made you doubt
that, made you doubt that I love you, made you question how well you know me–you may
not know every detail, but you know me. Better than Cat, hell better than anyone else in my
life.”

I practically attack him as I launch my body against him, bowling both of us over onto the
mattress. He grunts in surprise, then wraps his arms tightly around me, drawing me into his
chest, his hands rubbing up and down my back and kissing the top of my head.

“How do you do that?” I mumble against his chest, trying not to make too much of a mess of
his tunic with my tears, “How do you just make everything inside me melt?”

He chuckles and I feel the comforting rumble deep in his chest.

“What can I say? You bring out the romantic in me.”

Propping himself up on his elbows, he raises his head prompting me to raise mine to hear
what he has to say.

“I need you to tell me when you feel like this, Violet” his gaze is intense and serious, “I can’t
help if I don’t know.”

My gaze slips away from his as I nod reluctantly, “it’s just…”

“Just what..?” He pushes.

“It’s embarrassing, I guess” I admit, “I mean here you are trying to pull off a whole
revolution, saving the world from dark wielders and all that, and meanwhile I’m worrying
about how I stack up against your ex. It’s not exactly the stuff that epic love stories are made
of.”

Xaden looks at me as if I’ve grown a whole other head.

“Violet, do you know what you are to me?”

He says it quietly, almost shyly. The question seems so out of context that I shake my head,
confused, trying to follow the thread of his thought. He doesn’t continue right away and I
watch carefully as he tries to parse out exactly what it is he wants to tell me.

“There are things…things that I’ve seen, things that I’ve done, awful things, that never leave
me. Sometimes” he pauses, closing his eyes as if in pain, “sometimes, I think those things
stained me, marked me in a much deeper, much more fucked up way than this ever could” his
fingers brush against the rebellion relic on his neck, “But you…gods, Violet you light me up
inside.”

The gold specks in his eyes shine like jewels as his gaze bores deeply into mine. He’s not
speaking through our bond, but I feel his words deep inside me, reverberating through every
cell, every molecule in my body.

“Back at Basgiath, I fought so hard to stay away from you, to not fall for you” he scoffs,
shaking his head, “what a crazy waste of time that turned out to be” he laughs, mirthlessly.
“But do you know why I did it?” He goes on without waiting for me to answer, “because I
knew…I knew, deep down, that if you let me…if you wanted me, I would never let you go,
that I’d risk my life, the lives of anyone and everyone, the fate of all of Tyrrendor, just to
keep you safe. To keep you with me.”

His breathing is uneven now. He runs a hand through his hair and I notice a slight tremor go
through it. He’s thrumming with emotion and I can hardly breath I’m so full with love for
him, full to bursting.

“I love you so much it…honestly, sometimes it terrifies me” His words cut through my
stupor, surprising me with how close they are to my thoughts. “The idea that you think…that
you…that any thought or feeling of yours is less important than literally anything else in my
life feels absolutely absurd to me. I want all of you all the time. I crave all of you Every nook
and cranny, every stray thought and insecurity. I’m here for it, Violence. Everything you want
to give me.”

Just in case I wasn’t a complete puddle by then, he goes on, pushing me fully into mindless
gushing territory.

“You’re the sun…you’re…gods, you’re everything.” He runs a frustrated hand through his
hair and I watch him carefully, closely, again hanging on his every word. “When I’m with
you, it’s like all of that other shit disappears. You make me feel like maybe it can be erased.
Like maybe I can be a good person in spite of it all.”

Tears are streaming down my face, uncontrolled now. Xaden’s words make my heart ache.
My hands are itching to touch him, my body yearning to wrap around him and hold him close
enough to feel the love pounding inside me.

“Xaden” I whisper, “You’re the best person.” My voice thick with tears, and I have to work
hard to get the words out, to control myself enough to speak. Can he really not know this?
“What you’ve seen, what you’ve done…you did it all to help people, to save lives.”

I grab his face and bring it close to my own.

“You’re a hero” I say, feeling the deep truth of that statement like never before, “you’re my
hero.”

“You’re my hero, too, Violet” his voice cracks with emotion as he flashes me the most
dazzling smile. If I wasn’t already head over heels in love with him, I definitely would be a
goner now.

I give in to the temptation that is Xaden as we collapse into each others’ arms.

“I love you so much” I say against the collar of his tunic.

“Oh Violet, you have no idea.”

His hand cups the back of my head and his lips stroke a slow, luxurious path across my own,
his tongue seeking entry. I’m putty in his hands. I open my mouth to let him in and slip my
knee between his thighs, pushing myself further up his body, closer.

“Is it time to take the break yet?” Xaden teases when we finally pull apart, his fingers toying
with the top button of my tunic.

I throw up my hands in mock defeat, “Definitely.”

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