NOTE: THESE CAN BE WRONG.

FOR REFERENCE ONLY

Ex1: Direct Respones

5 weaknesses:
- Unclear subject
- Poor readability: not answer the given questions in bullet points.
- Did not leave a phone number/contact information at the end of the email
- Long lead-ins: We have received your inquiry, which has been directed to me for
response.
- We view: We assure you that we can give discreet…….
-
To: dr.jeremy.chen@valleyinternists.com
From: w.e.vance@securityspecialists.com
Subject: Your December 12th Inquiry about Data Breaches

Dear Dr. Jeremy Chen:

You can know more about cyber security, data breach response, and incident analysis
solutions from our specialists. Here are 5 answers to your questions about how to protect
patients’ medical information:

1. We have experience with smaller medical establishments. Despite limited resources,

small companies will benefit from.......

2. If any wrongdoing is found out, it will be notified to applicable government or law

enforcement.

3. We are experienced at investigating incidents that may have already occured,

analyzing clues, quickly and defensively uncovering critical information

4. You can customise prompt discreet breach information

Our security website was designed to provide you with specific categories for protecting
patients’ information. You can look up information easily via our search bar.

If you want to discuss more about this service, please call us at 8433997397. Our
specialists are eager to help you weekdays from 8am to 8pm.

Best regards,
Warren E.Vance
[Full contact information]

Ex2: Negative message: 9.6

7 weaknesses
- The name of reciever, sender and subject line are out of alignment
- Long lead-ins: this is just to let you know that
- We view: we were trying to use to make the customer log-in process faster for you
and our other customers
- Direct bad news in the beginning: recent unfortunate security breach
- Fails to present the reasons logically and positively
- Having no pleasant closing
- Negative subject line
- Slang/idiom: around the clock
- Having no effort to soften the blow
- Dangling modifier: Taking your privacy very seriously, email addresses are
heavily
To:
From
Subject: Security Alert at Westport Payment Systems

Thank you for trusting in Westport Payment Systems’ service. Companies and
individuals’ private information and payments security are always our top priorities.

While log-in process for payment was being made faster last week, an unfortunate
security breach happened. We immediately prevented hackers from getting access to
more customers addresses at Westport by disabling the log-in mechanism. You can rest
assured that the account information and other personal information were safely secured.
We also established a new procedure that requires users to enter their email address and
password before log-in are to reinforce security.

You can recieve a letter about the incident from US postal service when you register to
this form [link]. We also provide some consequences of phising scams helping you raise
the awareness of safeguarding your privacy, please go to [link].

We appreciate your understanding and we are sure to guard your privacy relentless.

Sincerely,
Ex3: Bad news to

To: Selena Gomez selenagomez@gmail.com

From: J.Crew j.crew.staff@hm.com
Subject: Cashmere Sweater Order Adjustment

Dear Ms Selena Gomez,

Thank you for trusting and using our brand products. Products’ quality and customer
services are always our top priority.

Though it took a while to design a youthful and trendy cashmere sweater, your support
makes it worthwhile. We chose the best materials for all our products including this
sweater. You can feel how comfortable it is when you wear it. Since we were eager to
have you try this amazing product, an unexpected error occured when we were updating
the sweater’s price on the website. We regret that this item has been removed from your
recent order.

Although we are not able to sell this cashmere sweater at your expected price, you can
have discount up to 50% by reordering this product for $128 to $140 depending on the
size via this special website [link]. You can also receive a cute pin for your sweater
which has not been out yet.

To prepare carefully for a large upcoming orders, the given link will be closed at 9pm on
Friday, December 20th.

Sincerely,
J.Crew

HM clothes,
193 Ngo Gia Tu, Duc Giang, Long Bien, Ha Noi | +84 79438273

Ex4: The following letter from a program chair strives to persuade a well-known chef to
make a presentation before a local restaurant association. But the letter is not very
persuasive. How could this message be more persuasive? What reader benefits could it
offer? What arguments could be made to overcome resistance? How should a persuasive
message conclude?
YOUR TASK Analyze the following invitation and list its weaknesses. If your instructor
directs, revise the letter.

Current date

Ms. Danielle Watkins The Beverly Hills Hotel 9641 Sunset Boulevard Beverly Hills, CA
90210

Dear Ms. Watkins:

We know you are a very busy hospitality professional as chef at the Beverly Hills Hotel,
but we would like you to make a presentation to the San Francisco chapter of the
National Restaurant Association. I was asked to write you since I am program chair.

I heard that you made a really good presentation at your local chapter in Los Angeles
recently. I think you gave a talk called “Avoiding the Seven Cardinal Sins in Food
Service” or something like that. Whatever it was, I’m sure we would like to hear the same
or a similar presentation. All restaurant operators are interested in doing what we can to
avoid potential problems involving discrimination, safety at work, how we hire people,
etc. As you well know, operating a fast-paced restaurant is frustrating—even on a good
day. We are all in a gigantic rush from opening the door early in the morning to shutting
it again after the last customer has gone. It’s a rat race and easy to fall into the trap with
food service faults that push a big operation into trouble.

Enclosed please find a list of questions that our members listed. We would like you to
talk in the neighborhood of 45 minutes. Our June 10 meeting will be in the Oak Room of
the Westin St. Francis Hotel in San Francisco and dinner begins at 7 p.m.

How can we get you to come to San Francisco? We can only offer you an honorarium of
$200, but we would pay for any travel expenses. You can expect a large crowd of
restaura- teurs who are known for hooting and hollering when they hear good stuff! As
you can see, we are a rather informal group. Hope you can join us!

Sincerely,

EX5: 5 weaknesses

- Inappropriate passive voice: I was asked to write you since I am program chair.

- Long-leadins: We know you are a very busy hospitality professional as chef at the
Beverly Hills Hotel

- Lack of gaining attention in the beginning

 - Unprofessional and discourteous message: I think you gave a talk called
“Avoiding the Seven Cardinal Sins in Food Service” or something like that

- Did not have contact information

- Using slang/idiom: a rat race,

Current date

Ms. Danielle Watkins The Beverly Hills Hotel 9641 Sunset Boulevard Beverly Hills, CA
90210

Dear Ms. Watkins:

Subject: Asking for a presentation at National Restaurant Association

I am literally inspired by your talk called “Avoiding the Seven Cardinal Sins in Food
Service” at your local chapter in Los Angeles. Such an amazing speech about potential
ethical problems at restaurant workplace deserves to be spread. All restaurant operations,
especially fast-paced ones will be improved positively if you make a presentation to the
San Francisco chapter of the National Restaurant Association on June 10th meeting.

All restaurant operators are interested in doing what we can to avoid potential problems
involving discrimination, safety at work, how we hire people, etc. As you well know,
operating a fast-paced restaurant isn’t easy. Since everything is in a rush from opening
the door early in the morning to closing it again after the last customer has gone , making
mistakes in food services is inevitable but push a big operation into trouble. Listening to
your presentation can help all employers and employees avoid such mistakes and develop
the food and beverages field in general.

You can receive an honorarium of $200 for a 45-minute speech, Ms Watkins. After your
speech, you can have time for your own. To provide the most comfortable conditions,
you don’t need to pay any fees, including accommodation, meals and travel expenses.
Our June 10 meeting will be in the Oak Room of the Westin St. Francis Hotel in San
Francisco, your presentation begins from 4 p.m to 4.45 pm and dinner starts at 7 p.m.

If you have questions, please contact us at 838478222 before June 1st so we can support
you for your presentation carefully in San Francisco. Your appearance will make a huge
difference to all restaurant operations.

Sincerely,
[Sign]

Peter Pan

NRA Vice President,

193 Steiner, San Francisco, California, US, SF 38473

EX6:

You saw an interesting article describing a Suitable Suits program at Barnard College. Its
College of Career Development kept a closet filled with 21 crisp black suits that students
could borrow for job interviews. Students made an appointment with the office and
agreed to dry clean the suits before returning them. At Barnard the program was paid for
with a grant from a prominent financial firm. You think that a Suitable Suits program is
worth exploring with your dean.

YOUR TASK Write a persuasive message requesting an appointment with your dean to
discuss a Suitable Suits program at your school. You don’t have all the answers and you
are not sure how such a program would operate, but you think the idea is worth
discussing. Can you convince the dean to see you? Should you write an e-mail or a letter?

To: Viet Nguyen [vietnguyen123@gmail.com]

From: Alice Pham [alicepham@gmail.com]

Subject: Suitable Suits Program Discussion

Dear Mr. Viet Nguyen:

I saw an interesting article describing a Suitable Suits program which was successfully
carried out at Barnard College. More than 1000 students participated in this program,
gaining 10000$ for only 3 months after operating and it got many good reviews about its
convenience. [Gain attention: Related Fact]

Based on College of Career Development strategy, we can keep a closet filled with 21
crisp black suits that students could borrow for job interviews. Students made an
appointment with the office and agreed to dry clean the suits before returning them. To
make sure students return clean suits back on time, we can require them to deposit a fixed
amount of money. This program will help students who do not have enough money to
own a suit wear it at their important job interview. The profit from this program can be
partially distributed to improve the university and faculties’ facilities, assist students who
has financial difficulties, or underprivileged people in the neighborhood. I need your help
to make this program become more cost-effective for both parties since I really admire
your professional in Finance Management. [direct, indirect benefits]

Our program will be paid for with a grant form a prominent financial firm called Financé
Corporation which was the company invested in Barnard College’s program. Therefore,
you can be rest assured about the program’s capital, Mr Viet Nguyen. You may wonder
what if there won’t be enough students engaging to this program to make profit. I
conducted a survey on our university’s forum, 4000 students are eager to join in and
some even booked a date to rent the suit because they thought the program is being
implemented. [Reduce resistance]

Please contact me via alicepham@gmail.com or at number 24873857 before Friday, July

1st so that we can carry out this program before upcoming recruitment seasons in August.
Your participation will help students having financial difficulties a lot. [Motivate action]

Sincerely,

Alice Pham

Ex 7:

To: Doug Goodwin [doug.goodwin@mediaresources.com]

From: Alice Pham [alicepham@homecenter.com]

Subject: Consultation For Social Media Specialist Position At Homepage

Dear Mr. Goodwin:

Please suggest and consult hiring a Social Media Expert for our organization Home
Center.

Our organization is looking into hiring a Social Media Specialist to manage and improve
our presence on various social media platforms. We haven’t hired for this role before, so
we need your suggestions to carry out this recruitment process better. Please answers the
following questions about how to recruit a Social Media Specialist:

Skills

 What kinds of technical skills should HomeCenter be looking at in a candidate?

 What kind of educational background and work experience should we prefer?

Position
  Which department is appropriate the most for a Social Media Specialist?
 Who is ideal to be the Social Media Specialist's reporting manager?

Compensation

 What will be an ideal compensation package for a Social Media Specialist in an

organization like Home Center?

Please answer us via alicepham@homecenter.com before Friday, December 12th since we plan
to open our social media platforms on December 25th.

Sincerely,

Alice Pham

Director of Corporate Communication

Alice Pham | alicepham@homecenter.com | 1130 Scottsdale Road, Apt. B | Tempe, AZ

85821 | 320-5591

Ex8 ADJUSTMENT: Compose an e-mail adjustment message that regains the customer’s
confidence. Send it to Henry M. Heinz at hmheinz@heinzproperty.com.

To: Henry M. Heinz [hmheinz@heinzproperty.com]

From: Alice Pham [alicepham@masterint.com]

Subject: Your 17th December Email About Your Purchase Order

Your oil painting arriving on 16th December can be taken to a local framing shop for
restretching at my expense.

I always double check both the paintings and packaging before delivering. As you can see, the
painting is wrapped in two layers of convoluted foam and one layer of Perf-Pack foam, which
should be sufficient to withstand any bumps and scrapes that negligent shipping may cause. The
shippers also receive explicit instructions that large paintings must be shipped standing up, not
lying down. I also decide to immediately review my packing requirements with my shippers.
Although we are unable to give refunds or replace paintings that the receiver found acceptable
when delivered, you can be sure that our company will pay for restretching your painting when
you take it to your local framing shop. You could send the restretching bill to Masterpiece
International at 438 West 84th Street, New York, NY 10024.

Your confidence is important to us, Mr. Heinz. Over the years, our customers’ trust has made us
successful, and we hope that restretching this painting will retain your confidence.
Sincerely,

Alice Pham

Director of Management

Alice Pham | alicepham@masterint.com | 438 West 84th Street, New York, NY 10024

Ex 9: Write a refusal letter that maintains good relations with your client. Address it to Ms.
Elliana Larios, 8569 East 39th Street, Phoenix, AZ 85730.

--------

Logo Bill Finance

50 Lake Street, New York, NY 1234

May 7, 2022

Ms. Elliana Larios

CASA volunteer

8569 East 39th Street, Phoenix, AZ 85730.

Dear Ms. Larios:

Subject: Your Invitation to Become Key Contributor to CASA

I sincerely appreciate CASA activities to support abused children in our town. And you are one
of the most dedicated volunteers that I have ever met, Ms. Larios.

You have told me about CASA programs to recruit, train, and support volunteers in their work
with neglected children. Due to recent economic downturn, I have to minimize our company’s
budget to maintain the business. Although I am not able to become your key contributor this
year, I know a person who likely want to be in this role. I would like to recommend Ms Anna
Smiths, who is the Director of Finance for ABC Finance Corporation. Ms Anna Smiths often
pays attention to charities for the homeless, the elderly, and expecially underprivileged children.
I spoke with her about CASA, and she indicated that she would be happy to consider your
invitation, with a pledge of $2500.

It’s good to learn that you always have a soft spot in your heart for children and especially for
those who are mistreated. Please call Ms. Anna Smiths at 749247474 if you would like to invite
her to become your key contributor.

Sincerely,

[Signature]

Alice Pham,

Vice President of Bill Finance

213 West Street, New York, NY 1234

Ex10: As employee relations manager of Prudential Financial, one of your tasks is to promote Project H.E.L.P.
(Higher Education Learning Program), an on-the-job learning opportunity. Project H.E.L.P. is a combined effort of
major corporations and the Newark Unified School District. You must recruit 12 employees who will volunteer as
instructors for 50 or more students. The students will spend four hours a week at the Prudential Newark facility
earning an average of five units of credit a semester.

This semester the students will be serving in the Claims, Word Processing, Corporate Media Services, Marketing,
Communications, Library, and Administrative Support departments. Your task is to convince employees in these
departments to volunteer. They will be expected to supervise and instruct the students. In return, employees will
receive two hours of release time per week to work with the students. The program has been very success- ful thus
far. School officials, students, and employees alike express satisfaction with the experience and the outcomes.

YOUR TASK Write a persuasive memo or e-mail with convincing appeals that will bring you 12 volunteers to work
with Project H.E.L.P. Add any necessary information.

May 12, 2023

To: All Members At Prudential Financial

From: Alice Pham, Employee Relations Manager [alicepham@prudentialfinancial.com]

Subject: Volunteer Recruitment For Project H.E.L.P

Dear Prudential Financial Members,

Thanks to the support of many dedicated volunteers for project H.E.L.P in previous seasons, a huge number of
school students in the neighborhood have an opportunity to experience internships in different positions at
Prudential Finance. To extend the success of the previous seasons, this volunteer opportunity will be available on
November 10 and last for 60 days at Prudential Newark. [gain attention]

Project H.E.L.P. is a combined effort of major corporations and the Newark Unified School District. The students
will spend four hours a week at the Prudential Newark facility earning an average of five units of credit a semester.
You can be the part of 12 volunteers to supervise and instruct 50 or more students to enhance their understanding of
office profession for 2 months. In return, you will receive two hours of release time per week to work with the
student. This semester the students will be serving in 6 departments: [Interest]

 Claims, Word Processing

 Corporate Media Services

 Marketing

 Communications

 Library

 Administrative Support departments

Many volunteers have responded that they had many new experiences as being a instructor and even developed their
skills for work. When participating in this project, volunteers can receive a certificate and special gifts from
Prudential Finance. Furthermore, this is a plus point for your advancement and salary increases within the company.
[Desire]

To become a volunteer of project H.E.L.P starting from November 10th, just register at [link] before 2pm, October
25th and follow the instructions attached [link]. If you have any questions, contact me via
alicepham@prudentialfinancial.com. We look forward to your contribution and growth through this project.
[ACTION]

Alice Pham

Employee Relations Manager

213 West Street, New York, NY 1234

Ex11:

Always seeking out efficiencies, Omni Hotels looked for ways to slice expenses. Omni operates 43 luxury hotels
and resorts in leading business gateways and leisure destina- tions across North America. From exceptional golf and
spa retreats to dynamic business settings, each Omni show- cases the local flavor of the destination while featuring
four-diamond services.
Omni Hotels ranks at the top in “Highest in Guest Satisfac- tion Among Upscale Hotel Chains,” according to J. D.
Power. One signature amenity it has offered for years is a bowl of free apples in its lobbies. However, providing
apples costs hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. They have to cut costs somewhere, and executives are debating
whether to cut out apples as a way to save money with minimal impact on guests.

Omni Hotels prides itself on delivering superior service through The Power of One, a service program that provides
associates the training and authority to make decisions that exceed the expectations of guests. The entire culture of
the hotel creates a positive, supportive environment that rewards associates through the Omni Service Champions
program. As an Omni associate, you are disturbed that the hotel is considering giving up its free apples. You hope
that executives will find other ways to cut expenses, such as purchasing food in smaller amounts or reducing the
hours of its lobby cafes.77

YOUR TASK In the true sense of The Power of One, you decide to express your views to management. Write a
persuasive message to Richard Johnson (rjohnson@omni. com), Vice President, Operations, Omni Hotels, 420
Decker Drive, Irving, TX 75062. Should you write a letter or an e-mail? In a separate note to your instructor, explain
your rationale for your channel choice and your message strategy.

Logo

April 15th, 2023

Richard Johnson

Vice President

Operations, Omni Hotels,

420 Decker Drive, Irving, TX 75062

Dear Mr. Johnson:

Subject: Proposal About Cost Reduction Strategy

Omni Hotels prides itself on delivering superior service through The Power of One, a service
program that provides associates the training and authority to make decisions that exceed the
expectations of guests. Omni Hotels ranks at the top in “Highest in Guest Satisfaction Among
Upscale Hotel Chains,” according to J. D. Power. A bowl of free apples in its lobbies was our
signature amenity for years, which more than 50% of our clients found it interesting and unique
in their reviews when staying at the hotel. I believe that eliminating this small but impactful
gesture may inadvertently compromise the special guest experience we strive to provide.
[Attention: related fact]

While I understand the necessity of seeking efficiencies and cutting costs, I would like to
propose alternative methods that would allow us to maintain our unique customer services. For
example, we can purchase food in smaller amounts by creating a key menu to that most
customers love instead of serving many different dishes in the menu. This not only maximizes
the profits but also affects barely on the customer experiences at our hotel. Another way is to
reduce the hours of hotel’s lobby cafes. The cafe can be closed at 10 pm instead of 2 am the next
day to cut down on the hourly salary paid for the batenders. [Interest: direct benefits]

You may wonder what if the reduction of salary paid or purchasing food in smaller amounts
aren’t as effective as eliminate the free bowl of apples in the lobbies. To give you a better
scenario, here is the link of my cost-effective analysis for this situation [link]. You can see that
these two alternatives are more efficient compared to the original strategy. [Desire: reduce
resistance]

Please call me at 38295258 if you have questions. Implementing one of these 2 ways proposed
will make a huge difference to our hotel. We don’t have to sacrifice the famous signature
amenity but still cut down expenses effectively and retain the number of clients. With your
approval before May 15th, we can soon carry out this plan to reduce the operating costs. [Action:
repeat key benefit, take action]

Sincerely,

[Signature]

Alice Pham

Omni associate,

22 Decker Drive, Irving, TX 75062

Sửa lỗi sai

Câu 1:

1. on top of the world: idiom/cliché

We were happy when we could win the the contract from Apple

2. Less courteous: You must

Please complete the enclosed questionnaire and then we can....

3. Ineffective passive voice: the client needs to be called

You need to call the client about the meeting and ask her whether the time will work for her

4. Cliché

This milestone is huge

5. Dangling modifier

She saw a puppy and a kitten when she was on the way to the store

6. Grammar error: relatives clause: when he saw a little girl was cross

He saw a little girl who was crossing

7. Trite business phrase: hoping to excuse my lateness, inappropriate passive voice: the note was
written

I wrote and gave the note to my teacher

8. Long lead-ins: i am sending this email

We will have a camping trip this weekend

9. Negative message

You will be able to lose weight if you change your eating habits

10. cliché: on a monthly basis

We plan to schedule meeting every month

1. flabby: in a very few cases  some

2. idiom/cliché: stay ahead of the pack  If we want to lead, we’ll have to increase….

3. parallelism: lowering  lower

4. Before mounting your new Super Air Flow fan, read the following helpful recommendations.
5. Ineffective passive voice, exuberance: extremely, unfamiliar word: meticulous -> careful 
Our talented and careful customer representatives will facilitate your project

6. Dangling modifier: Originally written for children, Peter Pan has enchanted many adults

7. Long lead-ins: it is perfectly clear that; Opening fillers: there are

Our company should go public for many reasons

8. Not conversational tone of voice: the hope of the undersigned

 Can you contribute to the success of our next conference?

9. Run on sentence; noun habit: gain an understanding of the reason

To trace the missing payment, we need to carry out a review of the Agency’s accounts, so we can
understand why the error occurred

10. Fragment; opening fillers: there are

We need to negotiate the start date and title