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NESA NUMBER

2023 TRIAL HIGHER SCHOOL CERTIFICATE EXAMINATION

English Advanced
Paper 1 – Texts and Human Experiences

General Instructions
- Reading time - 10 minutes
- Working time – 1 hour and 30 minutes
- Write using black or blue pen
- A Stimulus Booklet is provided separately

Total Marks: 40

Section I - 20 marks (pages 2-7)


- Attempt Questions 1-5
- Allow about 45 minutes for this section

Section II – 20 marks (page 8)


- Attempt Question 6
- Allow about 45 minutes for this section
Section I

20 marks
Attempt Questions 1-5
Allow about 45 minutes for this section

Read the texts on pages 3-7 of the Stimulus Booklet carefully and then answer the questions in the spaces
provided. These spaces provide guidance for the expected length of the responses.

In your answer you will be assessed on how well you:


• demonstrate understanding of human experiences in texts
• analyse, explain and assess the ways human experiences are represented in texts

Question 1 (3 marks)

Text 1 – Image

In what way does this text represent the diverse nature of human experiences?

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Question 2 (5 marks)

Text 2 – Poem

How does Popa explore suffering through the use of poetic devices and language?

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Question 3 (3 marks)

Text 3 – Non-fiction

Analyse how Mamecher represents literature as a valuable aspect of the human experience.

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Question 4 (4 marks)

Text 4 – Fiction Extract

How does Au explore the complex nature of relationships as a human experience?

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Question 5 (5 marks)

Using two of the texts provided, compare the ways that the composers have used textual form to shape
our understanding of human experiences.

In your response, refer to TWO of the texts in the stimulus booklet.

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End of Section I

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Section II

20 marks
Attempt Question 6
Allow about 45 minutes for this section

Answer the question in the Writing Booklet. Extra writing booklets are available.

In your answer you will be assessed on how well you:


• demonstrate understanding of human experiences in texts
• analyse, explain and assess the ways human experiences are represented in texts
• organise, develop and express ideas using language appropriate to audience, purpose and context

Question 6 (20 marks)

How does the representation of human experiences in your prescribed text invite you to reconsider
your understanding of desire?

End of Section II

END OF PAPER 1

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2023 TRIAL HIGHER SCHOOL CERTIFICATE EXAMINATION

English Advanced
Paper 1 – Texts and Human Experiences

Stimulus booklet for Section I

and

List of prescribed texts for Section II

Section I Pages

- Text 1 Image………...…………………………………………….…. 3

- Text 2 Poem ………….…………………………………………..….. 4

- Text 3 Feature Article……………….………………………............. 5-6

- Text 4 Fiction Extract …………….........………….……..……….... 7

Section II

- List of prescribed texts……………………………………………… .8


Blank Page

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Section I

Text One – Image

GIANLUCA COSTANTINI
published in Mekong Review

End of Text One

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Text Two – Poem
All That Is Made

The trees were on the verge of rebirth so sudden


you’d miss it from one day to the next,

would be suddenly alive in it, the pale green bending open


to reveal what we’d always suspected was the case:

that every bright thing has at its heart a hiddenness


it offers when you’ve just about stopped looking.

In her thirtieth year, Julian1 was dying. No other way


to describe the proceeding of events, the widening gap

between two kinds of life: the one lived and the one
remembered. And Christ came to where she lay

fevered and helpless, sat by her bedside in velvet robes,


and opened his palm to show her a hazelnut

saying this is all that is made. I wouldn’t know mercy


unless it looked like this, and I’d mistake it for love,

though that, too, is what it is. I understand


if you’re not prepared to believe in miracles,

the hours passed from one invisible hand to the next,


but Julian lived to seventy-three in the fourteenth century.

Maybe life’s little more than our own blindness easing;


look, he said, keep looking. How small and round our suffering.

MAYA C. POPA

End of Text Two

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Julian: Julian of Norwich (1342-1416) a mediaeval nun who locked herself in a cell as an act of devotion to God. In a serious
illness at the age of 30 she had a deathbed vision of Jesus, who showed her a hazelnut and reassured her that even the littlest things
will last forever because they are made by a loving God. He also told her that all sins would be forgiven and ‘all manner of thing
shall be well.’ Her account of her vision, Revelations of Divine Love, is the earliest surviving text in English written by a woman. She
survived her illness and lived another four decades.

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Text Three – Feature Article

Local Bookstores Offer ‘Mystery Bags’ of Quarantine Reading

With the majority of nonessential businesses closed due to COVID-19, book lovers can no longer
walk through a local bookstore, scan the crowded shelves for an interesting title, and pick out a
book—or four—to take home. But not all book browsing trips include a specific shopping list.
Many times, the fun is in finding something new.

As independent bookstores pivot to online sales, some are continuing to surprise readers by offering
“mystery bags” of books. For between roughly $15 and $100, depending on the store and size of the
trove, buyers can request a mix of their favorite genre or titles chosen by the seller.

Capitol Hill Books in Washington, D.C. began offering the service in mid-March at a customer’s
request.

“Favorite email of the day so far: ‘If I give you guys $100 can you send me a mystery bag of
books?’” the bookstore tweeted on March 21. “Yes. Yes we can.”

By the next day, more than 50 people had contacted the store with similar orders, according to Mary
Tyler March of WAMU. Prior to the mystery bag suggestion, Capitol Hill Books had essentially
closed its doors, limiting opening hours to 60-minute slots in which four people at a time were
allowed to wander the store’s narrow, book-lined aisles.

More recently, the shop has been sharing customers’ photos of their mystery book hauls. One
patron’s six-book bag featured Wolf Hall, The Vineyard and Career of Evil; another
customer’s stack of ten included Aristotle’s Politics and Ernest Hemingway’s The Nick Adams
Stories.

“It’s been stressful and we’ve had to think on our feet and adapt. Everything changes every day,”
Kyle Burk, one of Capitol Hill Books’ owners, told WAMU last month. “We’re really grateful for
everyone’s support. People that reach out are making a huge difference right now.”

Trident Booksellers and Café in Boulder, Colorado, began offering a similar service in late March,
reports Micah Ling for Atlas Obscura. Trident is the oldest café on Boulder’s downtown Pearl
Street, but without foot traffic from locals and University of Colorado students, its owners have had
to pivot the business online. The store delivers local orders placed online by bike. These mystery
bags include not just books, but a packet of coffee or tea.

By early April, the store had sold more than 300 bags, half of which were sent by mail to locations
around the world. The store has run out of science fiction titles to share, and certain specific
requests have become difficult to fill.

“Keeping up with demand is something we haven’t been used to,” Trident co-owner Andrew Hyde
says to Atlas Obscura. “We ran out of delivery bags and coffee bags. Then we ran out of shipping
envelopes three times.”

But, he adds, “It’s so much fun to pick great books for people. Lots of obscure things.”

Text Three continues on the following page

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Melinda Jones, owner of Second Read Books in Decatur, Alabama, also started offering mystery
bags after reading about a D.C. bookstore’s success with the idea, reports Michael Wetzel for
the Decatur Daily. Like Trident, Jones has had a mix of orders from local buyers and individuals
from across or outside of the state.

“A $25 mystery bag, for example, the buyer will receive probably four or five books of their
favorite genre,” Jones tells the Decatur Daily. “It’s working very well. Last week, we sold about
125 mystery bags.”

THERESA MACHEMER
End of Text Three

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Text Four – Fiction Extract

At dinner, my mother had asked about my own life. I had said that Laurie and I were wondering
about whether or not to have children. My mother said that we should, that children were a good
thing. At the time, I had agreed. But what I really wanted to say was that we talked about it often,
while cooking dinner or walking to the shops or making coffee. We talked about every aspect over
and over, each of us adding tiny life-like details, or going over hundreds of different possibilities,
like physicists in endless conjecture. How hurtful would we be when we were both exhausted and
sleep-deprived? How would we go for money? How would we stay fulfilled while at the same time
caring so completely for another?

We asked our friends, all of whom were frank and honest. Some of them said that it was possible to
find a way through, especially as their children got older. Others said that all the weakest points of
our relationship would be laid bare. Others, still, said that it was a euphoric experience, if only you
surrendered yourself to it. And yet, really, these thoughtful offerings meant nothing, because it was
impossible, ultimately, to compare one life to another, and we always ended up essentially in the
same place where we had begun. I wondered if my mother had ever asked these questions, if she’d
ever had the luxury of them. I had never particularly wanted children, but somehow I felt the
possibility of it now, as lovely and elusive as a poem. Another part of me wondered if it was okay
either way, not to know, not be sure. That I could let life happen to me in a sense, and that perhaps
this was the deeper truth all along, that we controlled nothing and no one, though really I didn’t
know that either.

JESSICA AU

From Cold Enough for Snow (2022)

End of Text Four

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Section II

The prescribed texts for Section II are:

• Prose fiction – Anthony Doerr, All the Light We Cannot See

– Amanda Lohrey, Vertigo

– George Orwell, Nineteen Eighty-Four

– Favel Parrett, Past the Shallows

• Poetry – Rosemary Dobson, Rosemary Dobson Collected

The prescribed poems are:

o Young Girl at a Window


o Over the Hill
o Summer’s End
o The Conversation
o Cock Crow
o Amy Caroline
o Canberra Morning

– Kenneth Slessor, Selected Poems

The prescribed poems are:

o Wild Grapes
o Gulliver
o Out of Time
o Vesper-Song of the reverend and Samuel Marsden
o William Street
o Beach Burial

• Drama – Jane Harrison, Rainbows’s End

– Arthur Miller, The Crucible

• Shakespearean – William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice


Drama

• Nonfiction – Tim Winton, The Boy Behind the Curtain

– Malala Yousafzai and Christine Lamb, I am Malala

• Film – Stephen Daldry, Billy Elliot

• Media – Ivan O’Mahoney, Go Back to Where You Came From

– Lucy Walker, Waste Land

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NESA Number:

2023 Fort Street High School Trial


Marking Criteria – Paper 1, Section 1

1. In what way does this text represent the diverse nature of human experiences? (3 marks)

Criteria Marks
Explains effectively how the text represents the diverse nature of human experiences 3
Explains how the text represents the diverse nature of human experiences 2
Provides some relevant information about the diverse nature of human experiences in the image 1

2. How does Popa explore suffering through the use of poetic devices and language? (5 marks)

Criteria Marks
Insightfully explains how the composer explores suffering through use of poetic devices and language 5
Effectively explains how the composer explores suffering through use of poetic devices and language 4
Competently explains how the composer explores suffering through use of poetic devices and language 3
Demonstrates some understanding of suffering explored through use of poetic devices or language 2
Demonstrates some knowledge of how suffering is explored in the poem 1

3. Analyse how Mamecher represents literature as a valuable aspect of the human experience. (3 marks)

Criteria Marks
Effectively analyses how literature is represented as a valuable aspect of the human experience 3
Explains how literature is represented as a valuable aspect of the human experience 2
Provides some relevant information about literature as a valuable aspect of the human experience in the text 1

4. How does Au explore the complex nature of relationships as a human experience? (4 marks)

Criteria Marks
Demonstrates a thorough exploration of the complex nature of relationships as a human experience 4
Demonstrates an exploration of the complex nature of relationships as a human experience 3
Demonstrates some exploration of the complex nature of relationships as a human experience 2
Provides some relevant information about relationships as a human experience in the text 1

5. Using two of the texts provided, compare the ways that the composers have used textual form to shape our
understanding of human experiences. (6 marks)

Criteria Marks
Insightfully compares the way two composers have used textual form to shape our understanding of human
5
experiences
Effectively compares the way two composers have used textual form to shape our understanding of human
4
experiences
Competently compares the way two composers have used textual form to shape our understanding of human
3
experiences
Shows some understanding of the way one composer has used textual form to shape our understanding of
2
human experiences
Shows some understanding of how one composer explores ideas about human experiences
OR 1
Includes some relevant information about human experience in one or two texts
Fort Street High School English Faculty
Trial HSC 2023
General Feedback – Paper 1, Section 1 ‘Human Experiences’ Short Answer

This was a deliberately challenging examination, so it was good to see that most students
showed a good general insight into the meaning conveyed in each text. The main areas for
improvement are as follows:
Metalanguage: It is important that you use precise language to quickly and efficiently label
techniques. This was particularly the case when it came to the question focused on textual
form. Revise the way that specific forms employ distinctive devices – e.g. the fiction extract
uses a reflective first person narrative voice to explore a the emotional dilemmas within
relationships, while the poem employs two line stanzas making heavy use of enjambment to
create a sense of fragmentary insight and the newspaper article uses a headline, statistics and
quotes from interviewed sources to explore a collective human experience.
If you need to expand your repertoire of metalanguage, see the list at this site:
https://www.virtuallibrary.info/uploads/2/6/9/3/26930678/a_comprehensive_list_of_literary_
techniques.pdf. Many students especially struggled to analyse the picture. Some revision of
visual grammar terms (e.g. composition, salience, reading pathways, vectors) will be
necessary. This is a useful resource: https://visual-literacy-skills.weebly.com/visual-
techniques.html
Concision: Students were often too wordy when they explained how techniques produced
their effects on meaning. Experiment with the ‘this does that, doing this, doing that’ sentence
structure described here: https://education.nsw.gov.au/teaching-and-
learning/curriculum/literacy-and-numeracy/teaching-and-learning-
resources/literacy/secondary-literacy#%3Cspan1
Time Management: Although most students made a good attempt at all questions, it was
clear that some struggled to manage the time available. Many wrote more than was required
for three marks in the early questions and were not able to achieve the depth and density of
analysis required for the final five mark question. Before you start writing, calculate how
long you can spend on each question, on the basis of 2 minutes per mark.
Practice with past papers and remember to view this section in the light of the whole paper –
there is no point spending 10 extra minutes getting 2 more marks in this section if it means
you will lose 6 marks in the essay.
Structuring responses: Students need to structure their responses more carefully. In the
comparative section, students need to make more effective use of comparative language such
as
- ‘While Text 2 does X, Text 4 does Y.’
- ‘Although both texts are A, Text 1 is B and Text 2 is C.’
- ‘Text 1 concludes that P; by contrast Text 2 implies that Q.
One mnemonic you can use to structure your answers is PETAL.
Point: Answer the question. What is the human experience represented here and what
is the text saying about it?
Elaboration: What further points can you make about the general features and
meaning of the text?
Technique: Name a key technique used.
Analysis: Analyse its effect, explaining how the effect is created by the technique.
Link: Recap how this answers the question.

For questions worth 3 or more marks, you’ll need to analyse two or more techniques. So
PETAL will become PETAETAL or – for a 6-mark question – PETAETAETAL.

EXERCISE 1. DECONSTRUCTING MODEL ANSWERS


The responses below each received full marks. Use a different colour to highlight points,
elaboration, techniques, analysis and explanation. (Note that each element of the answer will
not necessarily appear in this precise order.)
Question 1
Sample a) The image represents the extremely diverse nature of human experience through its complex
portrayal of varying experiences combined together. The large and salient image of a woman raising an
outstretched arm for help is juxtaposed with the celebratory raised arms of the person behind her, highlighting
the complexity of [illegible] and emotion with the human experience. The two people kissing with masks on
also represents the diverse nature of human experience through the oxymoron of love and protection against
disease (COVID-19) showing how some emotions and experiences can override others, representing the
diverse nature of human experiences. Finally, the text showcases people sitting around the ‘table of
experiences’ and viewing it inconsequentially as a visual metaphoric dinner, which explores the complex nature
of human experiences as despite being nuanced and multifaceted , can be consumed regularly by every
individual, highlighting the diverse nature of human experiences.

Sample b) Text One represents the diverse nature of human experiences through its manipulation fo salience,
its use of colour and its use of symbolism. Text one manipulates the visual technique of salience to draw the
reader’s eye to the centre of the image, the plates of food. However, by having many different images
occupying the plates, it highlights the diverse nature of experience by refusing to have a single salient point,
rather drawing attention to a multitude of images in the centre. Furthermore, the use of colour further
represents the diverse nature of human experience as the different black and white clothing is used to contrast
the different experience and highlight their differences, for example, contrast a walk home in the rain with a
kiss. Finally, the symbolism of placing each different experience on a different plate highlights how, like
different means, each experience is different and unique.
Question 2
Sample a) Popa uses poetic devices to reveal suffering as an intrinsic human experience and a force
uncontrollable by humans. Popa uses the paradox in the line ‘that every bright thing has its heart a hiddenness’
to capture how suffering is a universal experience, despite the attempts of individuals to hide it. Further, Popa
uses the blunt narrative voice ‘in her thirtieth year, Julian was dying’ to capture how suffering is an inevitable
and unchangeable part of our shared humanity. Additionally, Popa’s religious allusion to Jesus Christ in ‘Christa
came to her where she lay, fevered and helpless’, captures how it is in these moments of weakness and
suffering that we attain the strength to carry on and we attain divine assistance. Through the symbol of the
hazelnut, ‘opened his palm to show her a hazelnut, saying “this is all that is made”’, Popa reveals human
experience and life as fragile and temporal as a small nut, encapsulating the insignificance of humanity in a
world of suffering.

Sample b) Popa utilises poetic and language forms and features to display the individual power to overcome
suffering through faith. Initially, Popa explores the harsh reality of suffering by emphasising Julian’s death
through truncated sentences in ‘In her thirtieth year, Julian was dying’. This depicts the gruelling reality that
certain individuals will experience suffering earlier than others. Popa, however, utilises the biblical allusion in
‘Christ came to where she lay’ to depict how through the individual’s faith in religion, suffering can be
prevented. This serves as the main motif within the poem. Popa uses an allegory through the ‘hazelnut’ which
shows that in spite of suffering even the littlest things will last because they are made by a loving God. Finally,
through metaphorising ‘suffering’ as ‘small and round’, Popa diminishes the human experience of suffering to
display further the embrace and trust of God.

Question 3
Sample a) Mamecher uses real-world examples and evidence to appeal to the pathos and logos of readers,
leaving an enduring appreciation of the importance of literature to the human experience. The use of statistics
such as ‘By early April, the store had sold more than 300 bags’ intensifies the idea that humans, when given the
opportunity, rely on literature to experience new perspectives and ideas, a valuable aspect of human
experience. The use of quotations from store owners, ‘It’s so much fun to pick great books for people’ instills
another perspective, from those providing the literature of the enjoyment it provides, adding value to their
individual human experiences.

Sample b) In her feature article, Mamecher represents the importance of literature in sharing and creating
enjoyable human experiences. Her utilisation of quotations, such as ‘It’s been so much fun’, help illustrate the
personal impact of literature on individuals, while her use of cumulative listing of book titles, ‘Wolf Hall, The
Vineyard and Career of Evil’ showcases the wide and varied meanings and importance that can be experienced
through literature. The inclusion of numerical data, with the store having sold ‘more than 300 bags’ establishes
this experience as a vast and shared one by illustrating a concrete portrayal of literature’s reach.’

Question 4
The use of first person perspective, and a distinct lack of dialogue underscores the text with uncertainty. In
lines such as ‘I had saidt hat Laurie and I were wondering about whether or not to have children’ this reflects
the uncertainty and complexity of human relations, both present and to come. Furthermore, the past tense
perspective creates an atmosphere of reflection, inviting us into the complex workings of the author’s mind in
considering relationships as exemplified in the final line ‘though I didn’t really know that either’. Rhetorical
questions further show the inner complexities created by the prospect of human experience of having children
and creating a deep relationship, as in ‘how would we go for money?’ The repetition of ‘others’ in the final
paragraph contrasts the different effects the human experience of relationships can have, while also
highlighting the complexity of the author’s relationships, by alienating them from their friends This complexity
is illuminated in the line ‘it was impossible, ultimately, to compare one life to another’, which in itself, questions
the worth of the text itself, exploring the complex relationship of the author to the reader.
Question 5
While Au uses the prose form to characterise her persona’s uncertainty about having children, Popa uses the
poetic form to depict the raw emotions in suffering and yet the hope intrinsic within suffering.

Au uses the simile, ‘going over hundreds of different possibilities, like physicists in endless conjecture to
capture the human desire to control one’s uncertain fate, and know the inner workings behind one’s destiny,
like the attempts of physicists to explore the universe. Contrastingly, Popa uses the poetic form through
paradox ‘every bright thing has in its heart a hiddenness’ to unveil the fundamental truth that all individuals
are plagued with the future of suffering regardless of their circumstances. Au uses the rhetorical question,
‘How would we go for money? How hurtful would we be… when sleep deprived?’ to capture our uncertainty in
determining the impacts of stress on one’s emotional state, unveiling how this experience of having children
could be detrimental, contrasting to our assumptions about the pleasure of having children.

Popa captures the emotions of being comforted during suffering, using the juxtaposition between the divine
Christ and the helpless mortal, ‘Christ came to her where she lay, fevered and helpless’ to capture how people
find help in every kind of suffering and how this sparks emotions of relief. However, Au reveals how being
uncertain is an intrinsic part of the human experience, using the ambiguous tone of the persona ‘another part
of me wondered if it was okay either way, not to be sure’ to reveal how uncertainty in these situations is
natural and instead it is what makes this experience of having children exciting. Popa uses the hopeful tone in
‘prepared to believe in miracles’ to capture that even in the midst of suffering there is hope of glory.

Thus Popa and Au use the poetica and novel form respectively to capture the emotions in suffering and
uncertainty with having children respectively.
EXERCISE 2. ‘FIND AND FIX’

The responses below did NOT receive full marks. Work in pairs to identify areas for
improvement and rewrite to improve the specificity of the answer, the logic of the reasoning,
the density of the analysis and the structure of the argument.
Question 1
Sample a) Gianluca Constantini utilise visual and language features to represent the diverse nature of
individual and collective human experiences. Through the symbolisation of the banquet setting, Gianluca
utilises the different dishes to display a multitude of individual and collective human experiences. These delve
into the personal nature of human experiences as each individual is in the midst of ‘consuming’ a different one.
Furthermore, through positioning each person at a different seat, Gianluca emphasises the personal nature of
human experiences even if multiple people are able to go through similar experiences. By differentiating the
experience individuals face, Gianluca displays the personal nature of human experiences.

Sample b) The cluttered image full of familial meaning represents the diversity of human experiences is to be
shared through the motif of food. Set out in a traditional Chinese meal setting, the placement of all the dishes
are to be shared with each individual, portraying that the personal human experience is also part of the
collective. The different types of dishes also contain different and unique memories ranging from freedom to
love and care most likely to reflect these moments had due to lockdowns in 2020 and 2021. Thus, through the
motif of food and shared experiences that is a diversity of memories.

Question 2
Popa explores suffering as inherent to humans, yet capable of providing joy and comfort. The personification of
‘every bright thing’ which ‘offers’ a ‘hiddenness when you’ve stopped looking’ shows the continual nature of
suffering to humans. The uncharacteristic bluntness of ‘no other way to describe the […] events’, reflects upon
the nature of suffering as known and obtrusive. However, Popa explores this as a positive, indicating the joys of
life are only obvious when one has suffered. The metaphor of our suffering as being part of the hazelnut
furthers the universality of suffering, as it is “all that is made” but the following ‘I wouldn’t know your mercy
unless it looked like this and I’d mistake it for love’ shows that only through the acknowledge of eternal
suffering are we able to find joy.

Question 3

Mamecher represents literature as a valuable aspect of human experience by showcasing its ability
to bring people together in th pandemic. By highlighting people’s willingness to get random books
that they don’t even get to choose, Mamecher explores the idea of literature as providing a
fundamental aspect of community and satisfaction for curiosity as part of the human experience.

Question 4

The complex nature of parenthood in this text by Jessica Au shows the advantages and disadvantages
[illegible] of becoming a parent. The constant use of rhetorical questions shows the author’s
uncertainty and how vulnerable she can be when met which such an important topic. This is further
shown in the constant argument she has with herself and her undecisiveness after ‘interviewing’
people she knows on the topic. The juxtaposition of ‘it was a euphoric expeience’ and ‘hurtful… both
exhausted’ implies the author’s complex understanding. Furrthermore, complex nature of
relationships is shown through the human experience of anxiety and stress.

Question 5

Text two and text four uses different form, language and techniques to shape the reader’s
understanding of human experiences on ideas such as death, mercy and suffering in ‘All that is
Made’ and birth and the complex nature of relationships in Jessica Au. All that is Well utilises the
textual for of a poem in order to present the idea of death, suffering and mercy when we are faced
with tribulations and the urgent ‘needs’. This is done through personification and rhetoric which
allows the reader to understand human experiences through tis likened nature to trees showing that
despite our suffering we are likened the hazelnut that even mortal things such as humans will last
forever, allowing readers to connect and relate to this statement. On the other hand, Jessica Au
utilises the form of a short story and incorporates techniques such as rhetoric, however, similarly
shapes the reader’s understanding of human experiences in regards to the complex nature of human
relationships. This is shown in her repetition of how and the question mark where her worried
thought process can be related to by the reader. Both composers have utilised their textual form and
incorporated similar techniques such as rhetoric, personification and repetition to shape the reader’s
knowledge of human experiences through the use of a variety of perspectives and ‘depictions’.
Paper 1, Section 2
Texts and Human Experiences
General Marker Feedback
How does the representation of human experiences in your prescribed text invite you to
reconsider your understanding of desire?

Higher marks went to:


● Students who wrote more. Students in the high A range are writing around 10 page
responses.
● Students who answered the question explicitly and in a sustained fashion, engaging
meaningfully with the text to support their ideas.
● Students who used precise expression and clearly constructed analytical sentences.

In better responses, students were able to:


● Analyse the place of desire in the representation of human experiences in the
text in a sustained and meaningful manner. Desire was discussed not only in
the introduction, topic sentences and conclusions but also within the paragraph
as evidence was presented.
● Consider not only the representation of the desire but also what qualities of the
poetry or play invited your/the audience’s reconsideration.
● Support their argument with succinct and relevant contextual understanding.
● Express their ideas using a consistent academic register.
● Use the appropriate analytical verb (ask yourself if the device indeed suggests,
highlights, accentuates…or even this year’s favourite: promulgates).
● Understand that connectives (the words and phrases that join your points) are
an invaluable aspect of building an argument. ‘Additionally’ is not the only
connective.
● Showed personal engagement and understanding rather than rote learning or
regurgitation of another’s ideas.

Areas of improvement include:


● Not overloading your thesis with rubric terms that do not connect to the
question: use your understanding of the rubric to inform your argument, not
get in the way of it.
● Consistent, clear, effective expression.
● Not listing evidence, assuming your marker will join the dots. Use connectives
and shell concepts (‘This concern…’, ‘The play’s exploration of the desire for
freedom is furthered….’) to draw connections between each of your points.
Paper 1, Section 2
Texts and Human Experiences
Dobson Marker Feedback
How does the representation of human experiences in your prescribed text invite you to
reconsider your understanding of desire?

Higher marks went to:


● Students who wrote more. Students in the high A range are writing around 10 page
responses.
● Students who answered the question explicitly and in a sustained fashion, engaging
meaninflully with the text to support their ideas.
● Students who used precise expression and clearly constructed analytical sentences.

In better responses, students were able to:


● Analyse the place of desire in the representation of human experiences in the
text in a sustained and meaningful manner. Desire was discussed not only in
the introduction, topic sentences and conclusions but also within the paragraph
as evidence was presented.
● Consider not only the representation of the desire but also what qualities of
Dobson’s poetry invited your/the audience’s reconsideration.
● Discuss the work of Dobson holistically. Better responses drew conceptual
and stylistic connections between the poems in a meaningful and informed
manner.
● Consider the ambiguity inherent in interpretation of Dobson’s poetry. It is
okay to acknowledge the ambiguity of elements of the poem.
● Support their argument with succinct and relevant contextual understanding.
● Express their ideas using a consistent academic register.
● Use the appropriate analytical verb (ask yourself if the device indeed suggests,
highlights, accentuates…or even this year’s favourite: promulgates).
● Understand that connectives (the words and phrases that join your points) are
an invaluable aspect of building an argument. ‘Additionally’ is not the only
connective.
● Showed personal engagement and understanding rather than rote learning or
regurgitation of another’s ideas.

Areas of improvement include


● Not overloading your thesis with rubric terms that do not connect to the
question: use your understanding of the rubric to inform your argument, not
get in the way of it.
● Consistent, clear, effective expression.
● Not assuming that the poetry of Dobson is autobiographical. Yes, there may be
a cross-over with Dobson’s personal life experiences, but it is reductive and
limited to discuss the poetry as memoir. Dobson is the poet not the subject.
● Providing only personal context. Know the poetic movements that Dobson
was part of, know the philosophical forces, know the political climate.
● Not listing evidence, assuming your marker will join the dots. Use connectives
and shell concepts (‘This concern…’, ‘The poet’s exploration of the desire for
freedom is furthered….’) to draw connections between each of your points.
2023 Trial Exam Texts and Human Experiences, Paper 1, Section 2.
Shakespeare, Dobson
Marker Feedback Dobson. Ms Lawson
How does the representation of human experiences in your prescribed text invite you to
reconsider your understanding of desire?

Higher marks went to:


● Students who wrote more. Students in the high A range are writing around 10-page
responses.
● Students who answered the question explicitly and in a sustained fashion, engaging
meaningfully with the text to support their ideas.
● Students who used precise expression and clearly constructed analytical sentences.

In better responses, students were able to:


● Analyse the place of desire in the representation of human experiences in the
text in a sustained and meaningful manner. Desire was discussed not only in
the introduction, topic sentences and conclusions but also within the paragraph
as evidence was presented.
● Consider not only the representation of the desire but also what qualities of
Dobson’s poetry invited your/the audience’s reconsideration.
● Discuss the work of Dobson holistically. Better responses drew conceptual
and stylistic connections between the poems in a meaningful and informed
manner.
● Consider the ambiguity inherent in interpretation of Dobson’s poetry. It is
okay to acknowledge the ambiguity of elements of the poem.
● Support their argument with succinct and relevant contextual understanding.
● Express their ideas using a consistent academic register.
● Use the appropriate analytical verb (ask yourself if the device indeed suggests,
highlights, accentuates…or even this year’s favourite: promulgates).
● Understand that connectives (the words and phrases that join your points) are
an invaluable aspect of building an argument. ‘Additionally’ is not the only
connective.
● Showed personal engagement and understanding rather than rote learning or
regurgitation of another’s ideas.

Areas of improvement include


● Not overloading your thesis with rubric terms that do not connect to the
question: use your understanding of the rubric to inform your argument, not
get in the way of it.
● Consistent, clear, effective expression.
● Not assuming that the poetry of Dobson is autobiographical. Yes, there may be
a cross-over with Dobson’s personal life experiences, but it is reductive and
limited to discuss the poetry as memoir. Dobson is the poet not the subject.
● Providing only personal context. Know the poetic movements that Dobson
was part of, know the philosophical forces, know the political climate.
● Not listing evidence, assuming your marker will join the dots. Use connectives
and shell concepts (‘This concern…’, ‘The poet’s exploration of the desire for
freedom is furthered….’) to draw connections between each of your points.
William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice; Rosemary Dobson, Selected Poetry
Mr. Scudds

How does the representation of human experiences in your prescribed text invite you to
reconsider your understanding of desire?

The highlights, and I use that word with intent, show that there are three requirements
shaping your discussion. To score highly in any section of the English exams, you must
address all parts of the question / topic.
It is not necessary for every sentence to contain all three parts, but better responses addressed
each of them in each paragraph, concluding with a point about their reconsideration of desire
The first step is to connect acts of representation and desire

THESIS AND INTRODUCTIO.N


Do not repeat the wording of the question.
Respond to the question > connect your thesis to the text + date the text + identify its form >
global comment about what happens in the text > global comment about how the question
can be connected to text form and language > final sentence about what we learn about
desire. Writing a concluding sentence about what we learn as the conclusion to the
introduction allows you assess or evaluate the impact of a text’s representation of a concept
as a result of your thesis. (You can also do this for questions that ask “To what extent …”.)
For example:

Desire, then, springs from complex responses to social codes of behaviour which may clash
with the passion of personal desires and thus any assumption that desire is simply a
subjective expression of what we want must be reconsidered.

[The composer], thereby, shows that desire is not necessarily an unfiltered passion but a
calculated expression of what we think other people expect from us or might want to hear,
thus deepening our understanding of the psychology of desire.

In this way, [the composer] compels us to see desire as the result of seeing the world
differently.
In doing so, [the composer] challenges us to re-think where desire might come from.

BODY PARAGRAPHS
Many students seem to have forgotten what is meant by representation. Many identified the
representation of desire, which, if you think about it, was not the question, and wrote solely
about that. A majority of essays made no reference to “invite you to reconsider your
understanding [of desire].” The relevance or enduring appeal of a text was not part of the
question.
Successful discussions used paragraphs structured something like this:
Topic sentence about the writer’s representation of a human experience.
Explanatory sentence about representation of the experience at a moment in the text.
Explanatory sentence about desire in this experience.
[Possible connection to the writer’s literary or cultural context]
Analysis sentences using relevant textual evidence.
[Alternative place for possible connection to the writer’s literary or cultural context]
Concluding sentence about how our understanding of desire has shifted.

There were, of course, variations on this structure, the most common being that the topic
sentence was about desire in the poem/play, followed by explanatory sentences about its
connection to the representation of a human experience.

A word about CONTEXT


With only a few exceptions, Dobson’s personal or biographical context was used to account
for the way that she wrote poetry and/or the world of the poem, leading to, as Ms. Lawson
notes above, conflation of the speaker with Dobson herself. Connections between Dobson’s
context and her poetry, beyond her experiences as a mother or a woman, drew the reader’s
attention to the literary context of her career or the prevailing ways of thinking that
influenced Australian society over the course of her long life. Her death in 2012, however,
does not make her a post-modern writer. Alternatively, I was often given the impression that
the 1590s of Elizabeth I’s reign were populated by zealous antisemitic, misogynists (good
luck with that at court) who all thought the same thing at the same time for the same reason.
So far as I recall, no-one referred to the sheer popularity of ‘play-going’ in Shakespeare’s
time that made drama an effective vehicle for representing human experiences. The
conventions of comedy were identified uneasily and the dramatic conventions of using blank
verse and rhetoric as devices of spoken language were not carefully analysed. It isn’t difficult
to hear and see why the play is often (but not always) labelled a ‘tragicomedy’ but very few
essays showed why. Judaism, Christianity and contextual attitudes to conversion, were not so
much connected to desire or human experiences as they were taken for granted.
The Common Module does not foreground the study of context as significantly as
Module A or Module B. If a reference to context assists, augments, clarifies, supports your
discussion of the ways that human experiences are represented in texts, then by all means
include it, but do not feel that a ‘context point’ must be part of every paragraph.

A word about ANALYSIS


Here are the most common sentence structures used for analysis:
This [desire] is revealed through “quotation from text”, where the [technique] of …
elucidates/illuminates/highlights [all manner of things].

[composer] depicts [desire], highlighting [all manner of things]through the use of


[technique].

Thus, through showcasing [something], [Dobson/Shakespeare] showcases [something else]

None of these sentences is analytical. You have to show the reader/marker HOW the
language allows you to deduce this result. Telling the marker that “…” symbolises
[something] is not analysis. Show the marker how the words in the quotation function.

The word where is locative, avoid writing “… where the [example] is …”. Use in which.
If you want to say “Through grass and sheaves and, lastly, snow.” is a metaphor for
journeying through life, then show it. Identifying significant moments in a text is a good idea
but you’ll get nothing if you then gloss over them.

The poem’s final line, “Through grass and sheaves and, lastly, snow”, represents the seasons
of summer, autumn and winter progressively as growth, harvest and the covered earth, which
in turn visualise the landscape of “ the journey” the young girl “must go”, that is referred to
in the preceding line. The analogy to a life’s journey from adulthood, or summer, to maturity
and death, or winter, is secured by rhyming ‘go’ with ‘snow’, thus connecting the two lines,
the high modality “must go’ to express obligation, the repetition of ‘and’, which lengthens the
line and Dobson’s inclusion of the adverb ‘lastly’ as a signal of finality. ‘Young Girl at a
Window’ may express desire as reluctance, hesitancy or even unwillingness but the poem’s
conclusion argues that there is only one desire the ‘young girl’ can reasonably feel and that is
to choose life. In this way, Dobson’s representation of the experience of transition from one
phase of growth to another, expands my understanding of desire by putting immediate
feelings of anxiety about change into perspective, showing that it is wiser to project desire
into the future, rather than cultivate desires that are founded on the past.

Shakespeare’s use of blank verse monologue to represent the desire for success is nowhere
better demonstrated than in the court room scene, when Portia, disguised as a man, concedes
the strength of Shylock’s case and that therefore he “must be merciful”. The strict
conventions governing the metre of blank verse compress rhetorical devices like metaphor to
yield persuasive effect as Portia reminds the court, and us, that mercy “becomes the thron-ed
monarch better than his crown” and is an “attribute unto God himself” in an impressive
display of the power of language in conveying an argument. Deftly connecting the
administration of justice to Christian values of compassion and humility, mercy is “mightiest
in the mightiest” and only Shakespeare could successfully conclude such an appeal to both
logos and pathos with a metaphor taken from food to argue that mankind is most like God
“when mercy seasons justice”. But this is a play in which nothing is as it seems to be, and
Portia’s desire to show that she is as good at law as any man is soon clouded by her
vindictive, merciless treatment of Shylock later in the scene. Shakespeare catches his
audience off-guard, manipulating our reaction to Portia. Her desire to break free from the
constraints applied to her as a woman are understandable but her desire to reduce Shylock to
poverty and make him plead for his life is likely to be interpreted by a modern audience as
antisemitism. Shakespeare, however, is no ordinary playwright and by the time Antonio has
demanded that Shylock deny his culture and his God by “presently” converting to
Christianity, we suspect that Portia’s motivating desire throughout this long climactic scene
has been to bind Bassanio closer to herself and draw him away from Antonio. Shakespeare,
thereby, challenges my understanding of desire by showing that our desires are not
immediately apparent when we are dealing with others and that what we desire may be
revealed unexpectedly, exposing our motivation or showing others a side of our personality
they did not know existed. I can go on like this because I know no-one is reading it.

CONCLUSION
If mercy seasons justice, then conclusions season an essay. You’ll get nothing if you restate
what you have already said. Save that kind of conclusion for the boardroom. Begin by
thinking globally about what the text does and by returning to the key concept in the
question. Extend by saying something meaningful about how poetry/drama expands our
understanding of possibilities that may not be in our range of personal experience. Forget
about what is “inherent”, just recognise that through representation we learn what is human
about our experiences.

NOTES
Ditch “provides understanding”, deepens or heightens or shifts are all better. Only use “states
that” if you are referring to a statement.

Through through through through “Through the portrayal of …, through the exploration of
…, the composer depicts … through the use of …” was read more than once. Avoid
“Dobson solidifies this through the epithet”. The word by is entirely legitimate.

The deictics [never mind the meaning] This and That are not usually useful in academic
writing. Forget using This shows as the beginning of every sentence. To be used very
sparingly. Much more informative to say what this is. Especially meaningless when a
sentence begins “Through this”.

If you are quoting a line that has enjambment, then you must supply the forward slash, / , to
show where the enjambment occurs.

Poems can have a ‘narrator’ but more often do not. The speaker is the voice that delivers the
poem. If the speaker is characterised (as they are in a dramatic monologue) then they are the
persona.

The swords that guard Eden are flaming and they turn. They are not ‘mortal swords’. (please
let me know if you know otherwise)

The ‘young girl’ is not ‘aging’, an adjective that is used for the advent of ‘grievous eld’. I am
aging, you are maturing.

As a title, ‘Cock Crow’ can just as easily refer to the dawn as to the sign that Peter has denied
Christ. Whatever way you want to think of the rooster, the biblical reference does not come
until late in the poem and it is not a sign of betrayal, it is a signal of denial. The significance
of the biblical story is that the denial comes from the man’s best and most trusted friend.

The purpose of Shylock’s “Hath not a Jew eyes” prose monologue is not “to evoke sympathy
in the audience” (an infelicitous expression). Shakespeare’s purpose is to shift the audience’s
perspective, to make us see the world as Shylock sees the world. There are two moments in
the play when Shakespeare lulls his audience into a false sense of complacency in order to
shock us into recognition. This is one of them and it occurs at the structural centre of the
action. The other is in Act IV, in the courtroom, a radical subversion of comic resolution.
Taken together, they constitute the reason for labelling the play a ‘tragicomedy’.

Phrasal verbs: ‘Phrasal verbs’ is the term used to describe verbs that have an added
preposition, such as ‘wake up’ and they are surely a source of exasperation for any student of
English. People have studied these verbs and their conclusion is, unfortunately, that there is
no set of rules governing their formation. They just have to be learned – or not.
Desire for [not ‘of’ and not ‘toward’] also, when used with a verb desire to
Loyalty to [not ‘for’]

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