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Lesson Six

Creating Breathing Spaces

A breathing space or „having a breather‟ is simply taking a break from

what we are doing. We usually do this when we are switching tasks, such as
leaving your work station to go and make a cup of tea, or daydreaming out of the
window while waiting for your client to answer your phone call.

A breathing space can also be a „time out‟ to have a rest, such as drivers having
a lunchtime snooze in their parked car, or a busy mum sitting down to read her
favourite magazine after a morning of housework and childcare. In fact, we are
probably completely unaware how often we snatch these little breaks during our
day.

A Mindful breathing space gives us the opportunity to focus entirely on

ourselves, leaving us refreshed, calm and more level headed. Mindful breathing
spaces can be taken anywhere, at any time, using common sense of course.

Three Minute Breathing Space

The first place to start is the 3 minute breathing space. Sadly, when we are
anxious, stressed or panicking, it is all too easy to forget our mindfulness skills.
Our frazzled brains much prefer the comfort of old thinking patterns, rather than
being mindful.

This mini meditation is designed to offer a quick fix, a link between the stresses
of everyday life and the opportunity to take an hour to yourself and complete a
full Body scan.

A mindful breathing space is broken down into three parts of around one minute
each. These parts are based on the three core elements already covered.

The first minute is spent checking over yourself. We direct our full awareness to
our current state.

 We begin by focusing our attention on our breathing. Don‟t try to alter

its pattern, just pay attention.
 Whilst breathing, check your body, noticing any sensations
 What thoughts are going through your mind? Acknowledge these
thoughts and try to let them go.
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 What feelings are here? Turn towards any feelings of discomfort or tension
and acknowledge them without trying to judge or worry about them.
 What body sensations are here right now? Acknowledge them but, once
again, try not to change them in any way.

The second minute is focused entirely on our breathing.

Direct your attention to the physical sensation of your breathing. Feel your rib
cage rise as you breathe in . . . and fall as the breath goes out. Follow your breath
all the way in and all the way out. Ignore everything else, your mind, the rest of
your body, your emotions, and just focus fully on the sensations of breathing. If
your mind wanders, gently bring the attention back to your breath.

The third minute is similar to the first, but without checking. We bring our focus,
our awareness back into our body, our thoughts, and our emotions. Each breath
we take moves our awareness back to ourselves.

In the first minute we have acknowledged and accepted all we were thinking and
feeling. During the second minute, by focusing on our breathing, we let go of all
that we were thinking and feeling. In the third and final minute, we returned to
ourselves but calmer and slightly detached from the stresses and worries of our
day.

The more we practise the 3 minute breathing space, the more it becomes part of
our daily routine. We may choose to use the exercise formally, by making a
conscious effort to practise at a particular time, e.g. just before you leave for work
each morning, or informally, as and when we need to, such as before leading a
meeting.

Benefits of the 3 Minute Breathing Space

 Helps us maintain a compassionate and mindful state.

 Dissolves our negative thought patterns before they gain control over our
life.
 Allows us to see clearly what is happening from moment to moment.
 Allows us to pause when thoughts and feelings threaten to overwhelm us.
 Helps us to regain a sense of perspective and grounding in the present
moment.
 Helps reduce stress and anxiety.
 Can lead to positive changes in the physical structure of our brains.

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Body Scan

When living on autopilot, living as human Doings, it is easy to lose touch

with your body. Although the body is essential, as one can only interact with the
external world using it, very rarely do we listen to it.

When we experience an emotional thought or feeling, we feel it physically too. It

is common to physically feel emotions in the throat, neck, shoulders and stomach.
Each person will have their own set of physical responses. Emotions also create
psychological responses from the body such as an increased heart rate or changes
in blood pressure.

During a body scan you will relax, breathe, and move the breath around the body
in a set order, allowing yourself to experience how each part feels, without
judging your body, without trying to change anything. Try to keep totally focused
on the breath.

Allow plenty of time for your body scan. Read through the entire instructions
before you start. You will find that your attention will wander, just bring it back
to the exercise in a kind manner – no criticising.

The Scan

 Loosen any tight clothing, especially around your waist or neck and
remove your shoes.
 Lie down on your bed (you can use a mat, chair etc.) with your arms by
your sides, palms facing up, and legs gently apart. Make yourself
comfortable and feel the weight of your body on the bed.
 Notice the points of contact between the bed and your body. Each time you
breathe out, allow yourself to sink a little deeper into the bed.
 Become aware of the sensations of your breath. Focus on your breathing.
 When you‟re ready, move your awareness down into the big toe of your
left foot. Mentally allow your next in breath to travel down to the toe.
Imagine any toxins leaving with each out breath. Notice the sensations in
your big toe. Is it warm or cold? Stiff or relaxed? Is it touching any
material? Or the next toe?
 When you are ready move to the next toe. Repeat the process, breathing
into each toe, keeping your awareness there when you breathe out.

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 Expand your awareness to the sole of your foot. Focus on the ball and heel
of the foot. The weight of the heel. The sides and upper part of the foot.
The ankle. Breathe into the whole of the left foot. Then, when you‟re ready,
let go of the left foot.
 Repeat this process of gentle, kind, curious, accepting awareness with the
lower part of the left leg, the knee, and the upper part of the left leg. Notice
how your left leg may now feel different to your right leg. Gently shift your
awareness around and down the right leg, to the toes in your right foot.
 Move your awareness up the right leg in the same way as before. Then let
it go. Become aware of your pelvis, hips, buttocks and the organs around
here. Breathe into them and imagine you‟re filling them with nourishing
oxygen. Ignore any judgemental thoughts that may arise here.
 Move up to the lower torso, the lower abdomen and lower back. Notice the
movement of the lower abdomen as you breathe in and out. Notice any
emotions you feel here. Acknowledge and accept your feelings as they are.
 Bring your attention to your chest and upper back. Feel your rib cage rising
and falling as you breathe in and out. Be mindful of any emotions arising
from your heart area. Remember to gently breathe into these emotions.
 Go to both arms together, beginning with the fingertips and moving up to
the shoulders. Remember to take your time. Breathe into and out of each
body part before you move to the next one. Focus on your neck.
 Move your mindful attention to your jaw, noticing if it‟s clenched. Feel
your lips, inside your mouth, your cheeks, your nose, your eyelids and eyes,
your temples, your forehead and checking if it‟s frowning, your
eyes, the back of your head, and finally the top of your head. Take your
time with this complicated area. Take your time to be with each part of
your head in a mindful way.
 Imagine a space in the top of your head and soles of your feet. Imagine
your breath sweeping up and down your body as you breathe in and out.
Feel the breath sweeping up and down your body, and get a sense of each
cell in your body being nourished with energy and oxygen. Continue this
for a few minutes.
 Now let go of all effort to practice mindfulness. Just allow yourself to be
carried by the rhythm of your breathing. Allow yourself to float – to just
be.

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 When you are ready, become aware of your body as a whole. Feel yourself
as complete, just as you are. Slowly and gently open your eyes and take a
few moments to return to full awareness.

Benefits of the Body Scan

Although the body scan is not a relaxation exercise per se, it often has the
side-effect of physical relaxation. The combination of this physical relaxation and
stillness of the mind will often leave us feeling peaceful and with a sense of well-
being. This may not happen every time but, when it does, enjoy it.

If we perform this body scan regularly we will learn to listen to it and gain a better
understanding of our body and how it works. The body scan allows the unity of
your mind and your body, showing it as a whole.

We may often feel an emotional release. This is nothing to worry about as, once
the stored emotions are released, we will feel lighter and have more energy.

Regular practice of body scans will go a long way towards living mindfully.

Loving Kindness

Loving kindness and compassion are two important parts of basic human
kindness. While we generally relate the acts of loving kindness and compassion
to others, they are also essential qualities for achieving peace and happiness
within ourselves. The practice of loving kindness begins with extending love and
compassion to yourself.

Many people develop a sense of not being whole, of not being worthy, or good
enough. To try and fill this void, people will identify with things such as material
possessions, money, fame, power, or a certain relationship. However, even when
all these things have been gained, you will find the hole is still there. It may go
for a brief time when a craving has just been satisfied, but it will return, along
with all the usual negative chatter. Loving kindness is a practice to strengthen our
sense of connection to all of life. It enables us to get rid of the mind-made sense
of self that can leave us feeling isolated, cut off and even afraid. Loving kindness
is making friends with yourself.

“Friendship with one’s self is all important, because without it one

cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
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Wishing for happiness isn't a problem or wrong. The problem is we don‟t know
where true happiness can be found. It is because of this we seek to fill our life
externally, causing so much pain for ourselves and for others. Wishing for
happiness in itself is right and entirely appropriate.

Practicing loving kindness helps us to feel more positive, accepting, kind, and
patient toward ourselves. In doing so, we can be more compassionate and loving
toward others. Our attitude towards our self conditions our attitude towards
others. The more we come to accept that we truly are worthy of kindness, the
more calm and comfortable we begin to feel in our own skin.

Loving Kindness to Others

In today‟s highly technological life, it‟s easy to feel separate from other
people. By practicing loving kindness, you can learn to see the lives of others as
related to your own. Of course this doesn‟t mean you will like everybody, or
agree with everything they do. It means you can open up to the idea of caring for
others not just because you like them, but because our lives are all linked.

Loving kindness towards others refers to an unconditional love. This is not „I

love you because...‟ or „I can only love you if...‟

Let's look at a typical experience in everyday life, and how using loving kindness
can radically change it:

 You are driving down the road, partly paying attention to where you're
going but mostly focused on what you have to do that day, when suddenly
someone cuts in front of you. Your automatic response is to blast the horn
and yell something like “watch where you're going!” or “what do you think
you are doing?” or perhaps think to yourself „I can't believe she just did
that‟ or „she‟s such a jerk‟. We've all had experiences like this. Our mind
and brain, already in auto-pilot, are left wide open to responding
automatically in ways that only increase our stress and could even escalate
into violent confrontations. We really don't know why the person cut in
front of us, but our distracted and stressed mind thinks only of ill intent,
sees a threat which must be defended against, and reacts by directing anger
toward the other person and/or our self.
 Now let‟s look at this day mindfully, with loving kindness. You are driving
down the road, feeling calm and happy, enjoying the sights and sounds,
when suddenly someone cuts in front of you.

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As you watch the car pull away from you, you notice how your body has
tensed up and how the thought, „watch where you're going‟ automatically
arose in your mind and how quickly we look for attempts at an explanation
with thoughts like, “what a pushy person,” “maybe she's in a hurry,”
“maybe she's distracted and stressed.”
By mindfully observing the automatic responses of our body and mind, we
maintain calmness and acceptance and, with an attitude of loving kindness,
simply notice that our body has tensed and our mind is attempting to find
meaning and blame. We can then go back to enjoying the sights and sounds of
driving down the road. You might even look at the person in their car and
think, „I hope you have a nice day‟.

Compassion

To have compassion for others you must first notice that they are suffering.
If you ignore the homeless people in your city centre, you are unable to feel
compassion for how difficult their experience is. Compassion involves feeling
moved by another‟s suffering, making your heart respond to their pain. When this
happens, you feel a warmth and strong desire to help those suffering.
Compassion is also offering understanding and kindness to others when they
make mistakes, rather than judging or criticising them.

When our heart responds compassionately we are engaging with pain, gently and
with acceptance, whilst not being overwhelmed. Most of us have first-hand
experience of being over-whelmed by pain and know it can lead to depression
and despair, or anxiety and fear. These responses are understandable but must not
be confused with compassion.

Self-compassion involves behaving in the same way towards yourself when you
are having a difficult time. Instead of just ignoring your pain and assuming it is
normal, you acknowledge that this is difficult right now, and find how you can
show kindness towards yourself at that moment.

Compassion for yourself means that you acknowledge and accept your
humanness. Things will not always go the way you would like them to. You will
experience heartache, you will make mistakes, and you will discover your
shortcomings. This is part of being human and is inevitable. The more we practice
Mindfulness and accept these things, the more you will be able to feel compassion
for yourself and others.

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Questions on Lesson Six

Please answer the following questions using no more than 75 words for each.
Incorporate the questions within your answers
(eg. the number of days in the year is 365)

Q1. What is a breathing space?

Q2. Carry out the 3 minute breathing space. Report your findings.

Q3. List some of the benefits of the 3 minute breathing space.

Q4. Carry out the body scan. Report your findings.

Q5. Why is loving-kindness towards our-self important?

Q6. How can we be compassionate to ourselves?

Return your answers to either:

Dr.neetaparate9@gmail.com

Do not send any attachments; just type your answers into the body of the
email, some formatting required.

Please complete the subject box of every email exactly as follows

(This has to be machine read and is Case Sensitive):

Your Name – Mindfulness (tutored) – Lesson Number

Leave at least one blank line between each answer.

Don’t forget to keep a copy for your own records