MARRIAGE IS

10.1.4
A VOCATION

This chapter presents the following key learning points:

• Jesus restored God’s original plan for marriage
• The Sacrament of Marriage strengthens and guides
people in their life together
• Baptised people confer the Sacrament of Marriage
upon one another

Jesus restored God’s original plan for marriage

Jesus revealed that the basic reason for every human being’s existence is to be loved by God
and to return that love in the service of God and others. In the context of love for others, Jesus
restored God’s original plan for marriage.

In ancient times, when some men had multiple wives and concubines, marriage was not
thought of as a relationship of love. In the course of time, God revealed that marriage was
meant to be a loving and life-giving relationship between one man and one woman for the rest
of their lives. Marriage and love should go together. This was the foundation of the marriage as
God intended it between the first parents of the human race. The second creation story of the
Bible states:

This is why a man leaves his father and mother and becomes attached to his wife,
and they become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

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Original sin destroyed God’s original plan. A weakened will and other human limitations made
it hard for people to love in marriage as God had planned. Women were often promised to men
through arranged marriages for political, business and financial reasons.

God’s teaching went firmly against the accepted ideas in the ancient world.

The world into which Jesus was born accepted divorce. Under the law of Moses, all that a man
had to do to divorce his wife was to present her with a written statement:

‘... he has therefore made out a writ of divorce and handed it to her and then
dismissed her from his house ...’ (Deuteronomy 24:1)

This was not what God wanted for those who marry. God wants the hopes of couples entering
into marriage to be fulfilled. The Church today continues to uphold what God has revealed
about love and marriage and cannot give in to some of the present commonly-held ideas
about marriage.

God also wants children to have the foundation of a secure relationship between their parents.
Then their own relationships with their parents can be completely secure.

God’s two purposes for marriage

Jesus came to restore God’s original purpose for marriage.

… from the beginning of creation he made them male and female. This is why a man
leaves his father and mother, and the two become one flesh. They are no longer two,
therefore, but one flesh. So then, what God has united, human beings must not divide.
(Mark 10:6-8)

God, the Creator of human nature, began revealing the meaning of marriage so that married
couples could have their love completely fulfilled.

Through Jesus’ teachings people have come

to understand that there are two purposes for
marriage:
• the sexual expression of married love for
one another
• the procreation of children.

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The sexual expression of the married love
for one another
God revealed that marriage should be a special communion
of life-long love between a man and a woman. Once a couple
marries, God intends for them to develop their married love
for the rest of their lives. This love differs from the other kinds
of love created by God, such as the love between parents and
children, brothers and sisters, grandparents and friends.

The first time this teaching on marriage is revealed is in the

second creation story in the Bible (Genesis 2:4-25). In this story,
God is portrayed as creating the man from the soil and the
woman from his rib. In the culture of the time, being created
from the man’s rib rather than the soil symbolised the idea that
the woman was of the same nature and dignity as the man. She
is not like the rest of creation. Nothing else in creation shared
the dignity of human beings.

God intended sexual intercourse to be used exclusively to express married love between
husband and wife. The sixth and ninth commandments summarise God’s laws intended to
preserve the dignity of marriage.

The procreation of children

In the creation story placed first in the Bible, the
Priestly account teaches that one purpose for people
marrying is to bring children into the world.

Though children are conceived in marriage, wives

and husbands do not ‘create’ them. It is God who
created the human powers of reproduction and
parents who use them. It is God who creates the
spiritual soul that is the source of life for every
conceived child.

What ‘procreation’ means

To say that parents ‘pro-create’ their children means
that they co-operate in God’s creation of their
children. Since parents do not ‘create’ them, parents and children are of equal dignity in the
sight of God.

Procreation includes parents’ responsibility for the care and development of children until they
reach adulthood. It requires the stable emotional environment that is not possible without
marital stability, trust and reliability.

In God’s plan, therefore, couples need to work at developing their married love so that it is
strong enough to provide the stability needed by their children.

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Tony – husband, father and
Pastoral Care Worker at
St John of God Hospital
Tony’s working day begins with prayer and
then his ward rounds at St John of God
Hospital in Subiaco. His title of Pastoral Care
Worker often causes confusion amongst
older patients and clients at the hospital who
wonder what a man who looks after grazing
animals and who mends fences is doing in a
hospital. Tony says that younger patients have
often had the experience of pastoral care at
school and they recognise what he does and
how he can assist them.
The average stay for patients in St John’s is
four to seven days. During their stay, Tony
and others offer a range of support to the
patients. The hospital has a multi-
disciplinary approach where the
Pastoral Care Worker is part of
a team with physiotherapists,
nursing staff and other health
professionals who provide
the range of support that the
patients need.
Tony says that the Pastoral
Care Workers consider the level
of family and other support
for patients when
prioritising their
tasks for
the day.
Whether
someone
is from
the
country
or local,
the
level of
treatment or surgery that they are to
undergo, their age and marital status are all
taken into consideration: “Even if our contact
with people is only 5 to 10 minutes, it is very
important to leave people feeling supported
in what they need.” Tony also describes his
job as ‘propping up people in a crisis’ and
‘journeying with people’ especially if their
diagnosis is not positive.
He aims to affirm people and to get them
to work at understanding their situation
even though that may involve such diverse
experiences as pain, fear, mystery and
wonder.
So how did someone who was running a
successful landscape business make such
a vastly different career change? Tony puts
it down to “marrying the right woman”
– his wife, Anne. Although he was not
actually looking for a career change, Anne
encouraged Tony to apply for the position
as Pastoral Care Worker. In some ways, his
present work has similarities to landscaping
as it involves building and creating. Instead
of gardens Tony builds relationships with
people.
He feels that people trust him in his work and
that barriers come down, particularly at times
of great trauma. When asked how he gains
people’s trust, Tony says he sits, listens and
takes the cues from the people with whom
he is working. ‘It is spiritual. If the mind and
spirit are free, the body heals.’ At times of
crisis in their lives, he finds that people look
for inner peace, acceptance, resolution, God,
or all of those things.
When asked about the most important things
in his life Tony says: “My family is my life. Work
is not dominant. We had our children and
that was the big thing in my life.” Getting
married and becoming a parent meant
learning new ways of looking at the world
and adapting to a marriage relationship. He
says that he and Anne try to work together
in an area of changing roles as they care for
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their family of seven children and pursue their a sense of peace and harmony that he tries
own careers. Early on as a parent, Tony felt to bring to the lives of those in his care.
that he had to unlearn things he thought he
He has a strong sense of the need for
knew about parenting. He learned not to be
recreation in people’s lives and feels that
threatened by his children being and acting
he came to appreciate this partly through
differently from his expectations. Children
working with nature in his landscaping
‘not toeing the line’ was something that he
business. As a child Tony enjoyed the activities
and Anne came to accept. In dealing with it
offered in his parish and in particular, the
they tried not to crush the child’s spirit. He
support and interest of the parish priest. His
hopes that when life as a parent is difficult,
mother also figures as an important person
he responds with an openness that allows
who encouraged and supported him in his
his children to grow as people even though
faith.
he and Anne may not necessarily agree
with the choices the children make. He says For Tony, his work as a landscaper gave
that he has tried to encourage his children him an appreciation of nature and beauty.
to be servant-leaders when they have held Working outside, often by himself, gave him
positions of responsibility in their lives. time to reflect, to see the role of creativeness
in his life. He says that it taught him that life is
What sustains Tony and nurtures him so that
not just about knowledge and work. This has
he can follow his vocation of working with
given him an awareness of the role of grief in
people at some of the most difficult times in
people’s lives and appreciation of the depths
their lives? At the centre of Tony’s life are his
to which people can feel pain, shock and an
family and the love and support that Anne
inability to cope. These life experiences and
and the children give him. This keeps him
his family support him in his work and sustain
focussed and motivated.
him in a job focussed very much on the care
From his own religious experience and of people in crisis.
upbringing, Tony feels that he has achieved

In Class Work
Parenthood and family
1. How important do you think it is for couples to share or support one
another in their vocations?
2. What challenges do parents face when bringing up their children?
3. Create a chapter of a self-help manual that will help parents and children fulfil
their vocation of developing a Christian family. The manual should include such
things as:
– what parents need to do in order to ensure that their married love and
relationship is as stable and strong as possible
– what children, especially adolescents, need to do in order to support their
parents in their marriage
– any useful tips for either parents or children as to how each can contribute
to the on-going creation of the other.

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The Sacrament of Marriage strengthens and guides
people in their life together
Jesus, the Son of God, renewed God’s original plan for marriage (Matthew 19:4-6). To help
people overcome the difficulties of original sin that undermined this plan, Jesus raised
marriage to the dignity of a sacrament.

The purpose of this sacrament is to help restore the relationship God originally intended
between husband and wife. Husbands and wives relate with God in this Sacrament, the
married love that is needed to deepen the communion of their special life-long love, grows.

God seeks to strengthen and guide a married couple in their life together
When two baptised people commit themselves publicly to married love within the Church
community, Jesus consecrates their love. This means that:

‘… (Jesus) himself gives the strength and grace to live marriage in the new dimension of the
Reign of God.’ (Catechism 1615)

Through the Sacrament of Marriage, Jesus strengthens married people so that, for example,
they can:
• face the daily problems that arise in marriage
• reopen communication when there is tension
• renew their marriage commitment
• forgive each other
• support each other
• overcome temptations to be unfaithful, such as a sexual attraction to someone else.

Jesus also guides them when, for example, they need to:
• work out any problems they may be facing
• make decisions about their home and family life
• address issues related to parenting
• make decisions about finance, moving house, the necessity for both to work
outside the home
• what to do if their marriage seems unhappy.

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Baptised people confer the Sacrament of Marriage
upon one another
Baptised couples confer the Sacrament of Marriage upon one another when they exchange
the vows of marriage before a priest or deacon and two other witnesses. It is then that Christ
consecrates the love between them.

To receive the Sacrament of Marriage, people firstly need to accept Christian faith and Baptism.
All who have done so can receive the gifts of this sacrament.

A man or a woman may feel close before they marry, and deeply in love: however, married love
is fulfilled in them when they commit themselves to each other by exchanging the vows of
marriage.

Most people have been present at – or at least have seen on TV – a marriage ceremony. There
are different forms of ceremonies across the world, but what is common to all is the statement
of consent by each spouse. A baptised couple marrying in the Catholic Church celebrates the
Sacrament of Marriage as they exchange the following vows:

I … take you … to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times or in bad,

in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.

OR

I … take you … for my lawful husband/wife to have and to hold from this day forward, for
better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part.

This consent is completed and the marriage bond sealed by God when the couple express their
total self-giving love for each other through sexual intercourse.

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The Sacrament of Marriage involves a three-way relationship between the
two marriage partners and between each marriage partner and Jesus.

Married couples need to develop their personal relationship with Jesus

A marriage begins with a ceremony. However, much more is needed for marriage as a life-
long relationship. Just because a couple has received the Sacrament of marriage there is no
guarantee of success. Rather, they need to continually draw upon what Jesus offers through
this sacrament.

The Sacrament of Marriage involves a three-way relationship between the two marriage
partners and between each marriage partner and Jesus. To experience what is offered through
this Sacrament, the couple individually and together needs to keep developing their personal
relationship with Jesus. They do so by:
• praying daily
• worshipping together
• receiving Jesus personally in Holy Communion
• getting to know Jesus and striving to live as he taught, especially the commandments.

To help married couples, Jesus raised marriage to the dignity of a sacrament. Like other
sacraments, the special spiritual gifts that baptised husbands and wives receive, need to be
developed to achieve their purpose. Married couples develop these gifts through their mutual
love for one another. They also develop the spiritual gifts of sacramental marriage through
their daily prayer and worship, and by striving to live each day as Jesus taught.

In their daily prayer couples need to bring before Jesus their real life challenges, questions
and difficulties such as:
• relationship and communication issues
• concerns about their children
• financial and other pressures
• fears
• temptations to be unfaithful
• employment problems.

Those sharing the Sacrament of Marriage have been bonded together by God. Their prayer
needs to reflect the openness of those who approached Jesus in the Gospel. Christian married
couples have found that they need to develop their special relationship further.

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‘Love is a decision – the greatest
gift of self to another person.’
The vocation to married life – one couple’s story.

Peter and Jan married in 1974. They have two children,

a daughter and a son. They became involved in
Marriage Encounter in 1994 and they are now the
Western Australian co-ordinators. (Marriage Encounter
is a world-wide organisation, which assists couples to
develop closeness and commitment in their marriage
through participation in weekend seminars.)

Peter jokes that they first met one another in the

strong room of the bank in which they both used to
work. They knew one another for about twelve months
before they became engaged. During the year prior to
their engagement, Jan lived and worked in Melbourne
and New Zealand. Despite distance and time apart, their romance blossomed. Peter tells of
how Jan would phone him from Melbourne and New Zealand. The thought that she made
such an effort to phone him regularly, even though they were so far apart, made him feel ‘very
special’. Communication and commitment are guiding principles in their marriage. These are
some of their reflections on marriage…

Marriage is a commitment to the one you love. It is a covenant rather than a contract. It is
unconditional, the greatest gift of self to another person.

You have to work at it. Love is a decision it is not just about ‘falling in love’. You make a decision
to love and to do the hard things and die to self. It means going out of your comfort zone to
do things you do not want to do, so as to be present for the other, but this should not be one
sided. Both partners need to do this.

When we were first married we had expectations influenced by our parents, friends and
what we saw around us. We thought that we were smart enough to avoid the hurts and
disillusionment we saw in other marriages. There were times when we had to learn to modify
our expectations, to try to heal hurts and see things in a positive light.

It all comes down to attitude. Take bringing in the washing for example. When Peter brings in
the washing, the majority of the time I (Jan), would see it as a positive and helpful thing. But
during periods of disillusionment, I would think that instead of being helpful, he had created
more work – I now had more ironing to do because he had just thrown everything into the
basket.

All marriages have periods of disillusionment. That is normal but it seems to be almost unheard
of in society to recognise this. It is at these times that ‘opting out’ seems more attractive than
working at it. Marriages are cyclical – they have periods of disillusionment, romance and joy
and couples have to be creative about recovering and nurturing the romance that leads to joy.

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 To be married is a truly wonderful vocation and a way of life that
allows us to know God everyday through our love for each other.

The Church calls us to be romantic. It is part of our spirituality. It is God’s plan for us to be
romantic and make the effects of our romance visible to others. Romance in our lives does
not just happen. It is a result of making an effort to do something out of the ordinary to spark
a feeling in the other that brings about a loving response. It is a discipline and we have to
continually work at it.

Each partner has to make a decision to expend energy and effort daily in order to benefit the
relationship with the other, knowing that the other person will feel loved and their life will be
enriched by the love and attention. We get less stressed about daily hassles when we focus on
each other. The challenges that we face during the day, (often with teenage children), do not
always seem so tough. The greatest gift a couple can give their children is to love one another
unconditionally.

Marriage is not an outdated institution. Many people who have made other choices – living
together and having children without being married, eventually want the deep sense of
commitment that marriage brings. Unfortunately many people, including teenagers, are put
off marriage by what they see around them. They need to look beyond their personal pain and
media representations of marriage and relationships.

If they live the experience of a marriage breakdown it is understandable that they develop
such attitudes, but the reality is that most Australian marriages are successful and couples
stay together. Teenagers need opportunities to see the richness that a committed and loving
marriage can bring to the lives of a couple and their children.

As the closeness of our marriage relationship has grown, it has had a very positive effect on our
spiritual growth. As our relationship with each other has deepened, so too has the desire to
deepen our relationship with God. Each of us is more aware of God in our lives and the graces
God gives us.

To be married is a truly wonderful vocation and a way of life that allows us to know God
everyday through our love for each other. There are things that happen to us on most days
that bring us joy and a special look at how God loves us.

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Married love needs developing
Marriage is one of the most challenging of human relationships. It requires husband and wife
to work hard to develop their relationship. At first this is easy, while they feel emotionally in
love. However, for the marriage to strengthen, the love between the wife and husband needs to
go beyond emotions to ever-deeper total personal commitment.

A relationship of mutual service

For married love to develop, people need to support and care for each other. This includes
being concerned for each other’s needs, helping and encouraging each other and supporting
each other’s interests and efforts.

People who marry need to be prepared to put themselves out for each other. They need also to
be willing to talk with each other about their feelings, their hopes, their disappointments, their
worries and their fears. They need to share what happens during the day, their work and any
problems that they are facing.

A relationship of shared responsibility

Usually, married people have children. Family life requires new
responsibilities from husband and wife. Children have to be cared
for, teenagers need support and love, and these needs can be very
demanding.

As parents, the couple needs to provide for their children in many

ways. However, as wives and husbands, they need also to support
each other in their efforts to provide for their children. It is maturing
married love that enables them to give this mutual support.

At times, the husband and wife may become stressed or exhausted

by the demands of family and work obligations. Clashes may occur
about the roles each has in caring for children, the household, or
about pursuing a career. One spouse may have personality clashes
with one or more of the children, and the other may make mistakes
in handling discipline in the family.

Not all married people have children. Their marriage is no less wonderful or complete than
those marriages with children and they too must continually work at their relationship
together.

These are a few examples of why married couples need to keep supporting each other
continually, serving and helping each other. Many find it hard to live the demands of marriage.
They can succeed in doing so provided they continue to work at their marriage relationship
together.

Some who marry find it difficult to remain committed to their marriages. They have not
reached sufficient maturity to relate deeply enough or to accept the ‘give and take’ that
marriage requires. There are those who allow their employment, their careers and their
ambitions to take over their lives so that they find it hard to give sufficient time and energy to
their marriages. Others again fail to respect the rights of their spouses and enter into sexual
relationships with people to whom they are not married.

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 In Class Work
1. Describe how marriage is portrayed in the media today.
2. What pressures do couples face in keeping true to their marriage
commitment?
3. In groups or with a partner discuss why it is important that couples work at
their marriages.
4. Research Australian statistics on:
– the number of church weddings per year
– the number of couples who lived together before marriage
– the number of couples living in de facto relationships
– the number of divorces and remarriages.
6. Outline what you think is needed to help young people recognise the vocation
of Christian marriage.
7. What can Christians who share in the role of Jesus as prophet do to promote
the values of the Sacrament of Marriage?

In Class Work
Use the information from Chapters 3 and 4 to answer these questions.

1. Catholics believe that at Mass the bread and wine are changed into Jesus’ body
and blood through the action of the ______ and by the power of the ______
2. What is a simple way a Christian can offer their life to God as a spiritual sacrifice
each day?
3. A prophet is one who:
a) offers sacrifice to God b) foretells the future
c) speaks on behalf of the powerless d) is a sacrificial victim
4. Catholics believe the greatest of all prayers that people can offer to God is ______
5. The Christian vocation is to ______ ______ over all creation as Jesus did when he
fulfilled his mission as king.
6. What are the two main purposes God has for marriage?
7. Who confers the Sacrament of Marriage?
8. Name two ways married couples can develop their relationship with Jesus.
9. Explain the symbolism of the rib in the Yahwist Creation Story.
10. Jesus raised marriage to the dignity of a:
a) Sacrifice b) Sacrament
c) Celebration d) Union

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