CHAPTER 9: CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVES ON SOCIAL LIFE

INTRODUCTION

A worldview shapes a people’s social relationships. Christian worldview informs Christian

conduct in various spheres of life. In this chapter we explore Christian ideals with regard to
marriage, family life and sexuality.

Courtship and engagement

Youth of every generation eventually find themselves reaching age for marriage. This is an
exciting time of physical and emotional development. It is also a time of risks that may spoil
them through selfish indulgence or simple ignorance. The role of the extended family in
instructing youth has now diminished; but the Bible offers adequate direction to the youth
regarding courtship.

The story of Rebecca in Genesis 24 illustrates much about the selection of a mate. Abraham
believed that God would supply a woman for his son. He did not want his son to marry from a
heathen group. Paul in 2 Corinthians 6:14, also advises, “do not be bound together with
unbelievers”. It is important for people to pray when looking for a mate. There must be physical
attraction (Gen 24:15-16). Rebecca was beautiful. The mate must also have certain social
qualities like Hospitality that was shown by Rebecca.

Other factors to consider when preparing for marriage are: Economic maturity; Spiritual
qualities; Compatibility in the selection process: Age, education; Religion; Medical examination
and Role of parents among others.

Dating and Courting lead to engagement. In engagement, a man and a woman commit
themselves exclusively to each other. They also declare publicly that they wish to be united as
husband and wife. During engagement a man and a woman are in idealistic romance. This is a
time when one does not detect any faults in a lover. But for many couples, engagement is a
time for growth and development. It allows the couple to discover new aspects of their own
adult identities and patterns of thinking. It is a time when one can cautiously disclose some
private thoughts and desires to a person of the opposite sex. The quality of engagement can
determine the quality of marriage. Strong successful marriages have their foundations built
during engagement period. On the other hand, the danger of not recognizing faults and
potential problems during engagement is real and common. However engagement must be
handled by constant prayers and continuously seeking advice from trusted friends and relatives.
It is therefore important that people take their time to court, engage, and commit to each other
in God’s will and timing.
Marriage

Marriage is the agreement between a man and a woman to establish a permanent community
of life for mutual comfort and support and for the production and upbringing of children. It
begins with the establishment of relationships between husband and wife and their families.
Human beings were created in such a way that the coming of a man and a woman in a personal
bondage is a normal experience. The love between the husband and the wife is the central
factor in encouraging family stability. It receives public recognition. It is performed before God
in the presence of Christian witnesses. It is usually accompanied by some form of ceremony.
Sexual faithfulness between husband and wife is recognized as desirable. The marriage couple
needs to be of mature age. The couple plays complementary roles, one makes the other
complete. Marriage is meant to be permanent until death makes the couple part. Christian
marriage must be monogamous, which means that the right to sexual intercourse is mutual and
exclusive to both partners. A lifelong loyalty is promised, divorce is highly discouraged.

It is also possible for Christians to remain unmarried. Matthew 19:11-12, refers to people who
renounce marriage and family life in order to serve God in a better position in which they have
been called. This is celibacy and it is practiced by Roman Catholic priests and members of
religious orders. It can also be practiced by anyone who believes that he/she is called to this
kind of life. It is however a gift of God and not just a matter of personal preference. Even if
romance and excitement may disappear from marriage, a couple must remain true to their
vows.

Marriage performs two main roles: first, it provides a setting for the full personal development
of each partner in self-giving and affords a deep sense of security and acceptance. Secondly, it
provides a supportive structure for the birth and nurture of children. It is true that some
children are born and reared outside marriage and not all married couples have children. Yet
socially and religiously marriage is regarded as the best setting for parenthood.

Christian marriage by design is monogamous, unifying, and indissoluble. In Kenya, African

Christian marriage law may allow polygamy but majority of the churches do not accept it. There
are also high rates of divorce and this means that monogamy is not necessarily permanent. The
growing emphasis on the equality of women and men is consistent with monogamy. Ideally
monogamy leaves no room for one person to oppress the other. Monogamy is an exclusive and
mutual commitment of two persons to each other.

Unity in marriage does not mean loss of individual identity. Marriage should nurture each
partner so that the personality of each can be developed to the fullest. Personality never
develops in isolation, but through interaction with others. The concept of unity in marriage
means that a husband and wife contribute to the development of each other in such a way that
their lives grow together. They depend upon each other and they support each other. They are
always in tension between me and us, and in their efforts to resolve that tension they try to see
the one in the light of the other.

The unity begins during the courting process and develops as the marriage progresses.
Everything that the couple does together is part of the unifying process, both before the
ceremony and after it. The consummation of marriage in the act of sexual intercourse plays a
central role if realizing the unity of the couple.

Ideally marriage is for a lifetime. But some factors can bring it down. In the Roman Catholic
Church no marriage that was valid and consummated can be dissolved (Mark 10:11-12, Luke
16:18). However, marriages that were done in violation of regulations can be annulled. But the
protestants allow possibility of divorce on the ground of unfaithfulness (Mat 5:31-32, 19:3-9).
Protestant churches uphold the principle of permanence of marriage but they also allow
divorce and remarriage of divorced persons.

The family

The family is the basic human community. It consists of the father, mother, and children and
other adopted members. It is an environment in which children are born and raised, personal
fulfilment of members is realized. Daily provisions of food, shelter, security are provided in the
context of family. Every family has authority structure. Both parents have authority over
children. The parents have complementary roles. They are equal in having the same basic
nature with the same human rights and responsibilities. Man is the head of the family. He is
also husband, protector, leader, initiator, outward looking, analytical. The woman is the
mistress of the home and her other roles include: wife, mother, homemaker, sympathetic,
intuitive, inward looking, interested in detail.

There should be mutual help, every member of the family needs to promote the welfare of the
family. The legal system recognizes the family as a unit and helps to ensure the welfare of
children by making parents legally responsible for not neglecting or mistreating children.
Children help to bond the husband and wife. A family life should have religious foundation
(Deut 6:4-9) although there may be conflict for a Christian in a non-Christian family (Matt
10:21).

Headship of the family

Genesis 1 teaches sexual equality while Genesis 2 teaches sexual complementarily. To these
concepts, however, the apostle Paul adds the idea of masculine headship. In Ephesians 5:23,
Paul states that the husband is the head of the wife. In 1 Corinthians 11:3, he states that the
head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
What does the headship of man over the wife mean?

Several views have been championed. Among other things, headship means not chief or ruler
but rather source of beginning and that Paul was describing man as woman’s origin, referring to
the priority of creation. The headship of the husband has to do with responsibility, not control.
The traditional and hard- line view is that headship equals lordship because the husband is said
to be the head of his wife as Christ is head of the church. People who believe in this view hold
that decision making in both the church and the family is the prerogative of the men.

Equality

Throughout human civilizations, women have been perceived as lesser beings than men. In
many cultures women have been despised and demeaned by men. While men have been seen
as breadwinners, women have been treated as sex objects, house keepers, cooks, child minders
and people without brains and incapable of rational thinking. Their gifts have not been well
appreciated, their freedom has been curtailed and in some areas they have been exploited.

However, according to Genesis 1:26-28, God made them in his own image, He created male and
female with a blessing to multiply and both were given dominion over the earth and other
creatures. There is therefore no suggestion that either sex is more like God than the other.
There is no indication that either sex has more dominion on earth than the other. Their
resemblance of God and their stewardship of his earth were from the very beginning shared
equally since all sexes were equally created by God and like God. Whatever is essentially human
in both male and female reflects the divine image in which we are all made. Male and female
are equally called upon to have dominion over other creatures and to share in the development
of resources.

The primeval sexual equality was however affected by the fall. As a consequence of the original
sin, woman was to have a desire for her husband who would rule over her. Sin led to alienation
between woman and man. Thus the dominion of woman by man is due to the fall but not to
creation. The coming of Jesus restored the dignity that women lost as a result of sin. The birth
of Jesus through a woman and his attitude to women signify that women are complete in the
eyes of God. In addition to his apostles, who were all men, Jesus was accompanied on his
travels by a group of women who were his disciples. Jesus refused to join in condemnation of a
woman who had been caught in adultery (John 8). He also allowed a prostitute to come near
him as he reclined at table, to wet his feet with her tears, wipe them with her hair, and cover
them with kisses (John 12:1-8).

A Jewish man was forbidden to talk to a woman in the street even if she were his wife, sister or
daughter. It was also regarded as impervious to teach a woman the law; it would be better for
the words of the law to be burned than for them to be entrusted to a woman. But Jesus broke
these rules of tradition and convention. Later on, Paul also taught that there is neither male nor
female because all are one in Christ (Gal 3:28). This does not mean however that men have lost
their maleness and women their femaleness. It only means that as far as our standing before
God is concerned, social distinctions are irrelevant because we are one in Christ and enjoy a
common relationship with God. We are all equal before Christ.

In conclusion, Christianity holds that sexual equality was established by creation, perverted by
the fall but reclaimed by the redemption that is in Jesus Christ. Jesus has redeemed the lost
status of women. Thus, women and men are once more equal. In the new community of Jesus
we are equal sharers of the image of God, equal participants in God’s grace, and equally indwelt
by the Holy Spirit.

Complementarily

Although men and women are equal, they are not the same. Equality and identity should not be
confused. Men and women are different from one another in the distinctive qualities of
sexuality and psycho-social and physical make up. These differences influence our different and
appropriate roles in society. Whereas Genesis 1 affirms the equality of men and women,
Genesis 2 clarifies that equality does not mean identity but complementarily. Because men and
women are equal (by creation and in Christ), there can be no question of the inferiority of
either to the other. But because they are complimentary, there can be no question of the
identity of one with the other. This truth throws light on male-female relationships and roles.
Because they have been created by God with equal dignity, men and women must respect,
love, serve and not despise one another (cf. Eph 5:22ff). Because they have been created
complementary to each other, men and women must recognize their differences and not try to
eliminate them or usurp one another’s identities.

Sexuality

Scriptures recognize sex as a normal and important part of human life. The Bible presents many
aspects of sex life of the community of God which include the following:

1. First, sex is a part of God-given nature. It was created by God. Creation of humankind
was not complete until woman was created as a complement for man (Gen 2:7, 18-22).
The climax of the creation story was the statement of the couple’s unity (Gen 2:24). In
the first creation account, humankind was made male and female (Gen 1:27) and was
commanded, like other creatures, to be fruitful and multiply. Sexuality therefore is a
characteristic of human beings.
2. Secondly, sexuality is good, not evil. God made us the way we are, and all of God’s work
is good. Like everything else that God made, we can abuse and corrupt it. We can even
 use it to destroy ourselves, doing something evil with what God has created as good.
The goodness of sexuality is spoiled through premarital sex, rape, defilement, incest,
adultery, bestiality, sodomy, and all forms of homosexuality. The church affirms that
sexual intercourse is good and it should be within a properly constituted marriage.
3. Third, sexual intercourse is understood as a relationship rather than as something that
two people do. It is not merely an act that one person does to the other. The most
common biblical term for the legitimate sexual relationship, ‘to know’, conveys a very
different attitude. Knowledge in this case does not simply mean an awareness of facts,
an intellectual acknowledgement that something is true; it is an experience of reality. To
know someone is to be involved with that person at the deepest possible level. A man
and a woman who know each other sexually enter into a communion that is far more
than physical. From a Christian perspective, the mutuality of this relationship is of major
significance. It is implied in man’s need for a companion (Gen 2:18-25). As Paul notes in
1 Corinthians 7:2-4, each man should have his own wife and each wife should have her
own husband and the two should give themselves to each other. In other words, sexual
intercourse is an expression of mutual submission to one another.
4. Fourth, Sexual relationship has two basic functions (reproduction and companionship).
The first one is reproduction. This function is affirmed in the command “be fruitful and
multiply”. The other is companionship. Sexual intercourse creates some kind of unity
between two people who come together to express their love and their acceptance for
each other. When a man and woman who love each other come together sexually they
do not merely satisfy sexual desire. They come together because their lives are united,
and coition is the most meaningful expression of that ones.
5. Fifth, sex drive needs to be regulated. Both sexual repression and licentiousness are not
acceptable. The Christian must find ways of making a sexual relationship a positive and
creative force in life. Scripture provides the guidelines for acceptable sexual intercourse.
In this case casual and promiscuous sexual encounters are prohibited. Sexual
intercourse is only for married people. Any kind of forced relationship is a violation of a
person and therefore a violation of the will of God.
6. Finally, personal integrity in sexual matters is not so much a matter of action as one of
motive and attitude. Jesus employed this principle interpreting the commandments
concerned with murder, adultery, divorce, honesty, and justice (Matt. 5:21-48). This
means that it is persons rather than actions that are moral or immoral. But actions also
matter because as Jesus said “you will know them by their fruits” (Matt. 7:20).

Some aspects of family life today

The ideal family of past generations is often sentimentalized. The man is portrayed as the
breadwinner and the woman as the homemaker. They married because they were in love.
They entered into marriage knowing what would be expected of them and what they would
expect from their mates. As mates they were loving and faithful; as parents they were wise
and kind. Their children were dutiful, they accepted the values their parents passed on to
them, and they had a bright future. However, this portrait is a caricature.

Families are of different characteristics. There are different types of families: male
dominated female dominated, black, white, childless couples, single parent by choice
families, single parent by divorce, single parent by death, and extended families living in the
same household. Some families are legalized while others are not yet. In marriage, the
income of women is becoming more and more important for the family to have all the
things they consider important.

Furthermore, no longer economically dependent upon men, an increasing number of

married women are deciding not to remain in marriages that they find unsatisfactory. No
longer therefore do women identify themselves exclusively, or even primarily, in terms of
their families. The possibility of contracting AIDS has reintroduced the element of fear. The
danger of contracting aids and the absence of effective cure affect the way spouses relate to
each other.

In this new atmosphere, people still live and function as sexual beings, and many do so
without any sense of certainty about their sexual nature. They are subject to the pressures
of the sex drive, to the influence of their peers, to the concepts presented by the media, to
the teachings of their family, and to the ideals enunciated by the church. Since most people
are not accustomed to thinking philosophically, most never arrive at a rational and morally
defensible position on sexual behaviour.

The establishment of one however is an integral element in the formation of a Christian

ethics. Our understanding of our sexuality must be developed in the context in which we
live. Sexuality is not isolated from other aspects of life; it is involved in all our relationships
with other people, and thus it affects our political, business, educational, religious, and
recreational activities. While it is not the determining factor in all that we do, we don’t
cease to be sexual beings when we do business or play or pray or engage in political
activities. One aspect of our sexuality is the biological factor. Indeed one can think of sex as
a biological function only.

In that sense, the sex drive, like hunger or thirst is a physically based need. It is oriented
immediately toward pleasure and the release of tensions and ultimately toward
procreation. For the satisfaction of this sex drive, sex partners may be interchangeable. In
this regard, sex functions among human beings as it functions among animals. Although an
adequate understanding of sex cannot stop with this biological aspect, no discussion of
human sexuality can ignore it. Augustine expressed negative attitude toward sexuality.
Because of his own personal spiritual struggle, he came to believe that sex drive was in itself
evil. He admitted that sexual relations were permitted for couples who wanted children but
he insisted that celibacy is the holiest way of life. Until quite recently, his negative views
influenced the church thinking about sex. Sex became a taboo subject, not to be discussed
openly. Children were taught nothing about sex, neither at home nor at school and certainly
not at church.

Although some Christians tried to talk about sex openly, they could not alter the thinking of
the church as a whole. But in the middle of the 20th century, a sexual revolution took place
and the church was ill prepared to offer direction. Yet the Bible is quite open about sex.
Scriptures recognize sex as a normal and important part of human life. Without titillating, it
reports many facets of sex life of the people of the Bible. Without any hint of naughtiness it
reports their immoralities. On the basis of biblical teachings, we can reiterate several
observations which have been mentioned about human sexuality. First, sex is a part of our
God-given nature. In biblical terms, all creation is the work of God and God has made us the
way we are. In the older creation account, God’s creation of humankind was not complete
until woman was created as a complement to man (2:7, 18-22), and the climax of the story
is the statement of the couple’s unity (2:24). In the later creation account, humankind was
made ‘male and female” (Genesis 1:27), and was commanded as were the other creatures
to be fruitful and multiply. Sexuality is therefore a characteristic of all humanity. The power
of one’s sex drive is unrelated to one’s attractiveness. A physical or mental handicap does
not make one immune to the sex drive. Older people do not cease to be sexual beings, nor
do those who take religious vows. The strength of the sex drive is unrelated to marital
status. We are all human beings whose sex drive is affected by circumstances but not
destroyed by it. Sexuality is good, not evil. God made us the way we are and all of God’s
work is good. Like everything else that God made, we can abuse and corrupt it. We can even
use it to destroy ourselves, doing something evil with what God has created as good. The
importance of this affirmation lies partly in the fact that it stands in sharp contrast to the
view long held by the church. It also lies in the fact that although the present generation is
quite open and free in its enjoyment of sex, the sad consequences of the abuse of our
sexual nature are all too common. Sexual intercourse is best understood as a relationship
rather than as something that two people do together. The Bible refers to this act as
“knowing”. Knowledge is not simply awareness of facts, an intellectual acknowledgement
that something is true. It is an experience of reality. To know someone is to be involved with
that person at the deepest level possible. A man and a woman who know each other
sexually enter into a communion that is far more than physical. From a Christian
perspective, the mutuality of this relationship is of major significance. The mutual
relationship is implied in the creation narrative which focuses on the man’s need for
companionship (Genesis 2:18- 25). Paul talks about this issue more candidly in 1 Corinthians
7:2-4. He also adds, “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians
5:21). This includes submission in sexual relationship. Sexual relationship has two basic
functions. One is reproduction. This function is affirmed in the command to be fruitful and
multiply. The other is the creation and the maintenance of the personal union of two
individuals. While other factors are involved, such unity is incomplete without coition. The
two become one flesh (Gen 2:24, Mk 10:7-8). Once a man and woman have come together
in coition, their relationship can never be the same as before. For this reason Paul warned
that whoever is united with a prostitute becomes one body with her (1 Corinthians 6:16).
Coition does create some identity between two people who have sex. Man and woman do
sex as one of their expressions of being united. Sex drive needs to be regulated. Just as
there are good and legitimate means of satisfying the hunger for food, so are there good
and legitimate means for satisfying the sex drive. As hunger can be satisfied in ways that
harm, so the sex can be satisfied in ways that harm. Though sex is God- given, it has its own
limits. The voluntary establishment of limits and the exercise of restraint are sound ways of
dealing with sex drive.

Homosexuality and Christian faith

Homosexuality is the Opposite of heterosexuality. A homosexual is a person who is

attracted to a person of same sex, has ability to be sexually aroused by members of the
same sex, and prefers to engage in sexual activity with members of the same sex. It is
currently debatable whether one can be exclusively homosexual or heterosexual.

The question is whether this is natural. Some people in the west have argued that one can
be born with a natural inclination to having sexual relations with people of the same
gender. Others argue that homosexual disposition is psychologically caused. It is a
consequent of arrested or distorted psychosexual development, which is the result of
abnormal relationship with one of the parents. Still other people regard it as a mental
illness.

Finally, homosexuality is also thought to develop as a result of frustrated sexual experience.

Children of parents whose attitudes to sex are negative may develop abnormal sexual
behaviour. Christian scholars are divided as to whether or not homosexuality is a sin.
Whereas some consider it a sinful act, others think that it is a fact of life within which some
persons can function as Christians, just as heterosexuality is a fact within which other
people can function as Christians. Sexual orientation is not regarded as a determinant factor
for spirituality. In their view, no one is justified by his goodness but by the grace of God.
However the Bible forbids homosexuality. In Genesis 19:1-11, the city of Sodom was
destroyed because of its sinfulness. The men of the city attempted to rape God’s emissaries
who were visiting Lot. Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13: “If a man lies with a male as with a
woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their
blood is upon them.” Leviticus 18:22 “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an
abomination”.

In the New Testament, Romans 1:16- 2:29 discusses homosexuality as a consequence of

idolatry. Living together arrangements (Come we stay) It is common these days to find
couples living together before they officially celebrate their marriage. The trend is growing.
Cohabitation is generally regarded as a relationship preferred by people who do not want
the degree of personal and social commitment that marriage represents. It is preferred for
social and economic reasons. Partners benefit in terms of sex, shared rent and food. It also
gives room for exit when things don’t work. But the most important reason for cohabitation
is the human need for intimacy and companionship. After two or so years, the couple is
likely to separate or formalize their marriage. Christianity does not allow this type of
relationship. The come we stay marriage is not acceptable in the church.

Review Questions

1. What is the Christian teaching on family roles?

2. Explain contemporary challenges to the institution of the family and suggest ways of
overcoming them.

3. What is the Christian view on sexuality?

4. Discuss the role of sexuality into marriage as a gift from God

5. Discuss the Christian understanding of equality between man and woman. What would
you suggest towards the challenges thereof?

6. Explain some of the issues that that young Christians ought to consider in preparation for
marriage.

7. Discuss the pros and cons of “come we stay” arrangement as a form of marriage. 8.
Discuss the phenomenon of homosexuality in the church.