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Peyton Stroud

Isabell Hope Garcia

ENGL 134

18 January 2024

Rising from the Crutches: A Tale of Adversity and Perseverance on the Court

In Santa Rosa, California, a place where the sun casts long, dramatic shadows

across our basketball courts, my story really starts. As team captain, I wasn't just

another high school player. I was the one they all looked to, the one who held the

dreams that stretched way beyond the glossy floors of our gym. It wasn't just about

playing ball for me; it was about being the best I could be, pushing limits, setting

records. Commented [RW1]: Very strong opening. Perfect use

of imagery to open the scene and demonstrate how
important this story is to you.

Then came that summer game – a game that was supposed to be like any other. I

made my move, leapt for the basket in what felt like a moment of glory, only to come

crashing down to a harsh reality. My patella tendon gave way. Just like that, I went
from being a key player to a sidelined dreamer, watching the season start without me.
Commented [RW2]: Good use of putting the traumatic
moment near the beginning of your story. This allows
for space for your character to rebuild throughout the
rest of the story. Maybe expand this paragraph slightly,
setting up the event as more of a climax with vivid
description of the game.

Being away from the court, it messed with me more than I thought it would. It

wasn't just the physical pain, which was bad enough, but the mental battle that really

got to me. Basketball was my thing, you know? It was a part of who I was, and sitting Commented [RW3]: Asking questions to the reader is
a great way to get them invested in the story. I used
this in mine as well and it works great here.
out, watching my team struggle, felt like a piece of me was missing.

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 Recovery was a whole journey in itself. It wasn't just about getting back on my

feet; it was about getting my head and heart back in the game. Every time I thought I

was making progress, something would set me back. I began to wonder if I'd ever get

back to where I was. Commented [RW4]: Moment of doubt is very

important. Maybe combine this paragraph with the one
below it?

When I finally got back on the court, it wasn't with the success I'd imagined. It was

tough, humbling. Every move I made was tinged with hesitation. My knee wasn't just

a physical injury; it had become this mental block I couldn't shake off.

The game that changed everything was against our biggest rivals. We'd never

beaten them, and here I was, trying to find my feet again. But as the game went on,

something shifted. My confidence started creeping back. By the fourth quarter, I was

hitting shots I'd hesitated on before. It was like I was breaking free from this mental

cage I'd put myself in.

The game came down to the wire. With just seconds left and the score tied, I drew

a foul. Standing at the free-throw line, it felt like more than just a game on the line. It

was every early morning practice, every moment of doubt, every bit of pain I'd pushed

through. I took those shots, and they went in. We won, and it felt like I'd won a battle

with myself. Commented [RW5]: Awesome climax of your story.

Expand this paragraph with even more detail. Make it
the most beautiful and impactful part of your story as it
seems it was the most impactful moment for you. This
will make the punchline hit much harder for readers.
From there, each game was a step in my comeback. My knee, once a symbol of my

vulnerability, became proof of my strength. I wasn't alone in this – my team, coaches,

family, they were all there, pushing me, supporting me.

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 This season taught me more than just basketball. It was about facing up to

challenges, about finding strength I didn't know I had. We ended up winning the

league, and I got MVP, but those achievements were just the icing on the cake. The

real victory was much deeper, more personal. Commented [RW6]: This paragraph has really nice
tempo. It is fast paced, showing the quickness of your
recovery once your mental blockage was cleared.

Looking back, that injury, as tough as it was, it forced me to grow. It taught me

that life's challenges aren't just obstacles; they're opportunities to become stronger,

more resilient.

Now, as I look ahead, I'm taking everything I learned from that court in Santa

Rosa. That journey from injury to triumph wasn't just about basketball. It was a lesson

for life, a foundation that's prepared me to face whatever comes next, with a

determination that's stronger than ever. Commented [RW7]: Great concluding message. His
ties the story and importance together nicely.
. Commented [RW8]: Overall, your narrative had many
great qualities. You used imagery to grasp the reader’s
attention right off the bat and kept us invested by
showing a traumatic moment so early. The message
was clear throughout and concluded perfectly. I would
expand the middle of your story more. Give it more
substance to better demonstrate the impact that this
event had on you. Go into detail of each game and
show what changed over time to help you recover. I
also liked your title ‘Rising from the Crutches.’