NKANYEZI

..001

I don't know why I am here but my feet keep walking till I come to a halt facing a bed. The place smells
horrible it has that lingering smell of urine and blood but I can't turn back not now.

I walked past a young girl probably fourteen or fifteen looking scared and out of place, she's too young
to be stuck in this dingy place or to be even faced with such a huge decision.

I look around and I wish I had told Nolwazi about my plan but she wouldn't understand.she doesn't
know my plight for survival the internal war I am at nor the nightmares I am faced with daily.

I release a deep sigh and lie back on the small bed.

A guy wearing a white doctor's coat walks in followed by another male they exchange words and I can't
hear nothing I guess that's what I get for going the nigerian route.

My heart is pounding and the tears keep falling,I am scared and despite being here I have prayed a
thousand times. Am I even worthy of praying knowing the road I am about to take but nonetheless I
prayed for forgiveness and then to forget.

The one guy stands over me and looks at his friend.

"Are you ready" The one wearing the coat asks.

I nod pursing my lips there's not much to say.

"Don't cry this will be quick quick" he says.

"Why is he standing over me" I ask.

"Don't worry he will just help ease things by holding you down" he says casually.

I might die and just like that I will be known as another girl who took the back route, I know the risk but
going to a public clinic is no option the judgmental looks these nurses give can shame anyone.

Those snide and hurtful remarks they make would break even the strongest of people.

I snapp out of my thoughts when I feel his hands on my thighs and immediately tense up shaking,I feel
that overwhelming flutter and the baby move.

"Stop please stop" I say.

He looks at me and shakes his head.

"I will not give your money back" he says.

I nod clasping up my legs then fixing myself up.

I open my eyes gasping for air,I look at the time and it's past midnight. I haven't had this dream for such
a long time.

I have been there before you know this is the same guy who gave me the pills and I took them. I
remember the day very well I woke up feeling angry and resentful and so I made the call.

We met at some backstreet coner and the exchange happened, I remember taking one on my way to
Nolwazi's house and another the moment I got there. I couldn't go to my room it wasn't ideal so
Nolwazi's home was perfect.

I can recall the pain vividly the cramps and pain feeling like my uterus was being teared apart, being
pulled out of me and squeezed.

I wanted the pain to stop but it didn't it kept on and on till I passed out.

I woke up to nothing but some spotting it didn't work the Misoprostol known as cytotec didn't work, I
was ready to carry this cross for the rest of my life I was ready to know that I was a sinner.

I looked at Nolwazi who gave me a pitiful look I curled up and cried my eyes out.

I was twenty and alone back then doing my final year in teaching, I had wanted to be a scientist or a
pediatrician but instilling knowledge and nurturing kids took over instead.

I make my way to Qiniso's room and stand by the door looking at him, there was a time I hated him a
time I didn't want him.

But all that changed when I felt that flutter and imagined holding him, I named him Qiniso Uhuru Thwala
because he is my truth and freedom. I freed myself from hating him and that's why we are here today.

He's all I have and that's okay I lost my family a long time ago but that's a story for another day.

My name is Nkanyezi and just like that it's said that once upon a time my father looked up into the sky
and the most beautiful and brightest of stars shinned upon him.

And that's how my name came about I don't know how true this is but its one story my mother always
told to make me feel better.

I slowly make my way inside and snuggle up against Qiniso holding him tight.

Its funny how life pans out he wasn't part of my plans but he fought so hard to be and now we have this
life thing on lockdown.

.......
Welcome to our new house hopefully we will respect one another as always. I will do my part so long as
you guys do yours...I will appreciate the likes on inserts to match those of the page hahaha....

As always if it ain't your cuppa coffee or wine then go seek brant (brandy)

NKANYEZI

..002

Fridays are are supposed to be great right the long awaited road to the weekend, well wrong all that
doesn't apply to me.

Although I would like to go out and unwind, I simply can't leave or trust anyone with Qiniso other than
Lwandle and Nolwazi.

And another thing is I hate Fridays for my own selfish reasons,and the fact that he was conceived on a
Friday doesn't help, I sometimes look at him and tears just stream down.

I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, I shouldn't be dating back to that day but when it happens I can't
seem to help it.

And then there are days where he has difficulties breathing, those are the worst I know I caused that
and that's something I can never forgive myself for.

Back to why I have a bittersweet relationship with Friday.

I had been home for the holidays visiting and suddenly one Friday my parents got invited to one of those
high profile dinners and for the first time ever I was home alone.

My parents never left me in the house alone but this time they did and maybe that's why I blame them
too for what took place.

I remember I had just switched off all the lights and headed to bed, but before I could dose off and have
my all time favourite dream about my crush Khumo my worst nightmare happened.

They were already inside and my bedroom door was being opened.

I tried getting away but he already had his grip on me and was pinning me down.

I couldn't see his face but I felt his breath and hands all over me he kissed me and ran his tongue all over
my face.

I tried fighting back but he overpowered me and started caressing my body till his hands landed on my
privates, he parted my legs and within a blink of an eye he was pushing his hard shaft inside me.

I screamed but no one came he tore me up and the pain tore through me.

I cried begging him to stop but he didn't he kept on and on stealing a part of me.
"I am sorry ngiyaxolisa" I was hoping my plea would make him stop,I was sorry but still he was hurting
me.

"Ujehova ungumalusi wami

angiyikuswela.

Uyangisa emadlelweni aluhlaza uyangisa ngasemanzini okuphumula.

Ubuyisa umphefumulo wam.

Uyangihola ezindleleni zokulunga ngenxa yegama lakhe.

Noma ngihamba esigodini sethunzi lokufa angesabi okubi,ngokuba wena unami" I found myself praying
but stopped because the same God I was praying so hard to had deserted me.

I wanted to scream but I couldn't anymore I wanted it to stop I wanted him to stop hurting me but he
couldn't, he wouldn't and so I stopped fighting back.

This stranger was having his way with me painfully so but my mind drifted away taking me to my
childhood. I smiled through the tears and thought of a happy place.

Once he was done he got off trashed my room and walked out leaving me there. I was bleeding and
deep down I had hoped it would lead to my death, Huh what a joke if only I knew I would have slit my
wrist right there and there.

That night my parents came back and found me hugging my knees.My mother cried and held me so tight
but It was too late. I think that's the day I lost both my parents in a way they failed me.

"Thwala call the police can't you see someone hurt our child" Mama said.

"Mangubane this stays between these walls think about what the people would say and the media" my
father said.

I could hear them even though their voices were low.

"How could you say that our daughter has just been raped and our house broken into and you are telling
me about peoole" she said.

"I am the man in this house and I am telling you Nkanyezi is not going to the police,I will not have our
family name dragged and shamed do you hear me" my father said.

I knew that this was going to be swept under the rug,my own father had failed to protect me.

I stayed for the remaining holidays and that was the last time I stepped foot home.

I lost my parents the day they chose the Thwala name over their own daughter.

All the priced possessions that were taken were replaced but a part of me was gone forever and they
couldn't replace that.

I was saving myself for marriage and now I am just damaged goods.
I snap out of my thoughts and take a few deep breaths going to the kitchen.

Everything is packed and ready the only thing left is to wake Qiniso.

I slowly make my way to his bedroom and he's already up.

"Morning my angel" I say.

He frowns giving me that disapproving look of his.

"Okay mommy's little man" I say shrugging my shoulders.

The kid is this many five yet he hates it when I call him angel.

"Morning mama" he says giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Ready for today" I ask.

He shakes his head deeply sighing

"Mhmm what's wrong" I ask.

I know his tactics they usually work on Lwazi but not me.

"Our teacher said we could stay home" he says.

I give him a blank stare but he isn't fazed at all.

"Uhuru don't start with me not today" I say.

"But I am sick" he says.

"I thought you said your teacher told you to stay home" I say folding my arms.

"But I don't want to go school" he says.

"Come on today is friday meaning there's no school tomorrow" I say.

I have to have this talk eveyday Uhuru hates waking up in the morning.

"Mama" he says in his most cute voice.

"Yes baby" I say cheerfully.

"I don't like you sometimes" he says in a serious tone.

"And mommy loves you" I say.

.
I don't know if working with your best friend is the brightest idea or not but for Lwazi and me it's proving
to be fruitful.

I met Nolwazi Mthembu back in varsity and we hit it off, I swear from that orientation day we have been
inseparable.

She knows me like I know her and we happen to have another friend Lwandle, he is the bubbly and
sparkle in the group and living his best life.

I wasn't thinking of lunch till she came to my class, Lwazi and Lwandle are my best friends but none of
them know the real truth about Qiniso's father.

To them he died in the fire with everything that he had and that's okay with me.

"Want to share" Lwazi says.

"Huh" she shakes her head smiling.

"You seem miles away what's going on" she asks.

"Nothing I am just thinking about your Godson" I say.

"What has he done now" she asks.

"Tried to smooth talk me into allowing him to stay home" I say.

"Was wondering when he would try that with you" she says.

She looks at me and tilts her head.

"Nkanyezi when are you getting yourself a man and a father for Qiniso" she asks.

"Lwazi not now" I say. .

"I know you loved his father but mana it's been long dry years you need to be happy" she says.

Love? I loath the man and long to have him castrated that's how deep my hate goes.

"I am happy seriously and I have you guys" I say.

Does life get lonely? sure. Am I scared of men? yes with everything in me and the most terrifying part is
that I too gave birth to a man.

"I know you probably don't see this or you probably choose to turn a blind eye, but that boy needs a
father a strong male figure in his life and you my friend need a man. Someone who will take care off and
love you the way you deserve" she says.

My phone saves the day by ringing I look at the screen and it's an unknown number.

I decline the call and look at Lwazi who calls using a private number huh, don't they know that black
people don't answer 011,012 or a private number we all know those are debts mxm.

"You know that I am right and I have just the man for you" she says siping her juice..
I think I better start drinking because being a teatotaller is not cutting it, the last time I went on a date
set by this one I had to pay supposedly because he forgot his wallet at home. That's the weakest excuse
in the leeching game and then I had to call the guy a cab because he was so sloshed he could barely
open his eyes.

The same guy had the nerve to call about a week later to ask for another date, I quickly blocked his
blood sucking arse and prayed to never bump into him again.

Now why is she doing this to me again Lord help me.

.......

Let's share the page bakithi..

NKANYEZI

003

I have been having flash backs and dreams lately that I have started wetting my bed again. I don't know
why because during everything that happened I seeked help and the counselling at varsity helped.

I may not have healed entirely but I have been living and my son being the reason.

Last night I couldn't sleep I spent the entire night looking at Uhuru and thinking,my son is cute probably
the most beautiful little human being I have ever laid my eyes on.

But I can't seem not look at him and think about his father,the only thing he has of mine are his eyes and
that's it.

He doesn't even look like my parents so that leaves his father and I wonder if he has that monstrous
behaviour inside him.

I love my son and I would do anything for him that's what mothers do right.

I remember when he scrapped his knee and my heart broke,I didn't want him playing for a whole month
which resulted to us having a huge fight.

I was planning on taking him out just the two of us,but Lwandle came over early in the morning drunk as
fish.

I had to cancel and nurse him back to the sober land.

"Why can't you just be like me" I ask.

"You mean boring and miserable" Lwandle says.

"Really Lwandle" I say.

"Mana I love you very much but you're boring and Qiniso is probably the only exciting thing in your life
right now" he says dramatically.

Trust Lwandle to say that.

"When was the last time you had good great steamy sex" he asks.

I open my mouth but quickly shut it when nothing comes to mind.

"Exactly that's what I thought but you see me last night this rich daddy had me begging for mercy" he
says with a grin.

"You dirty thing" I say slightly slapping his shoulder.

"I think he's the one you better start shopping for wedding clothes" he says.

I shake my head laughing Lwandle though.

"That's what you said about Desmond the first time you met him" I say raising my eye brows.

Lwandle does this all the time meets a guy falls for him later finding out the guy is just trash and gets his
heart broken.

"Oh my word I am ruined mana this is serious these men will be the death of me" he says.

"It's not that bad you know" I say with a silly smile.

I mean his worst default is falling In love easily.

He looks at me and tilts his head.

"Want some coffee" I ask standing up.

"Don't you have something stronger" he asks.

I give him a baffled look really after the heavy night he had.

"Coffee will just do" he says.

Oh wow you know I sometimes think he's more in touch with his feeling and dramatic than Lwazi and I
combined, but we love him just as he is

Lwandle decided to spend the rest of his day here playing with Qiniso,that's what I appreciate most
about him being around when he's needed.

"He's so adorable" Lwandle says.

"Thank you" I say.

I walk towards Qiniso who has been awfully quiet.

"What's wrong you've been skulking since yesterday" I say.

This is why I planned park day because I wanted to cheer him up.

"I don't have a daddy but Khaya has one" he says dropping his shoulders.

Oh so that's the problem.

"But I also don't have a daddy but we have each other" I say.

Lwandle looks at me sipping on his coffee.

"You want a daddy" Lwandle asks.

Alas why is he asking such a question.

"Yes" Qiniso says in a rather sad tone.

"Mama why don't we have daddies" Qiniso asks looking at me.

I don't know what to say but I am not about to answer him

"Hayi niyazala Nkanyezi nizala izifundiswa omabuza njalo" Lwandle says laughing.

I sit Qiniso down and cup his face.

"You know that mommy loves you right" he nods.

"I want you to know that not everyone has a daddy okay some people have mommy's only and that's
still fine" I say.

He stands up and walks away.

"Qiniso" I call out but he keeps walking to his room.

"Let him be he's just a child" Lwandle says patting the empty space next to him.

"He needs to know that his father is in heaven but watching over him and please show the poor kid
photos of his father maan" he says.

I nod resting my head on his shoulder. Am I selfish for keeping this away from him I mean he's too young
to understand the intricacies of this matter.

I made a vow that I would never tell him the truth and I think I should have a new rule in the house,one
that states that we don't talk about his father.

I rather he grow up knowing that I am one of those bitter mothers suits me just fine.

.
Making up to Qiniso means going all out baking him cookies and bringing out the big guns playing
games.

I let him win most of the time and the smile on his face is just priceless.

I really must take him out maybe his mood will lighten up or maybe I should just call Lwazi to deal with
him.

A knock comes through the door and I know it's not Lwandle because he just left.

It persists till I stop with the dough and get the door.

I almost don't believe my eyes when I see my mother standing on my doorstep,I start breathing heavily
balancing myself on the wall.

This can't be it's not possible I cut ties with them a long time ago.

"Mama" I say.

My voice comes out in a whisper and I think I say this more to myself than her.

"Nkanyezi" she says.

She still looks beautiful as the day I said goodbye.

"What are you doing here? How did you find me" I ask.

She says nothing and that gives me a chance to carry on.

"Leave" I say.

My breathing becomes uncontrollable and I fear a panic attack taking over.

"Nkanyezi please hear me out" she says.

"Five years Ma,five years wonke and you need me to hear you out please leave" I shout louder than
intended.

"I am your mother" she says breaking down.

"I don't have a mother" I say.

Qiniso comes running to the door and stops on his tracks when he sees my mother.

"Mommy" he says looking at me.

"Go to your room" I say.

"Mama who is this and why are you crying" he asks.

"Qiniso go to your room now" He shakes his head frowning.

There it is that stubborn streak of his and where the hell does he get that from.

My mother puts a hand over her mouth looking at Qiniso then back at me.
"I am so sorry" she says softly.

"Its too late for that" I shake my head sniffling.

"Ma don't ever come back to this house again" I say closing the door on her face.

I sink to the floor realising how seeing her just opened up old wounds.

I cover my face with both my hands and silently cry.

"Mama please don't cry" Qiniso says hugging me

I still can't believe I just saw my mother standing right here,Her presence will ruin everything and drag
me to the past.

I don't want my life to be turned upside down I can't allow that...

....

I hope we are settling well into the new house...

NKANYEZI

004

I had to put Qiniso back to sleep because he was already helping me cry. My mother visit had steered up
something in me and that also upset my son.

I sat down and thought about my mother it took her five years to come and apologise. It took her five
years to come and face me why now? that's all I could say.

When I left home I didn't know I was pregnant and no one from family knew about Qiniso, I wanted
nothing to do with that horrible day but as I said Qiniso fought to stay.

If I could react that way after seeing my mother then how will I act when I come face to face with my
father.

It turns out that my older brother Zweli has been back for a while now and he tracked me down,In all
honesty it took my brother coming back for my own mother to show up at my dootstep.

I never said anything about my brother because he was barely there. One day he uprooted and left for
london and that was the last we heared from him.

Nolwazi came to check up on me and the only thing I could do was pour my heart out.

I was going to tell her everything but the most important thing was telling her about my mother,Lwazi
knows that I had a fall out with my parents so venting to her was easy.
"Zweli is back" I said.

"Your brother Zweli" She asked.

I nodded biting my lower lip.

"And the worse thing is he led my mother here who the hell does he think he is" I asked.

"Calm down Nkanyezi" she said calmly.

"Calm down Lwazi those people hurt me and I want nothing to do with them" I said.

"Well sooner or later you will have to face them and Zweli will come here himself you know him" she
said.

I looked at her and her calmness sparked something.

"You called him right? it was you" I said in disbelief.

"Nkanyezi you haven't been yourself lately so I had to do something" I couldn't believe my ears she
brought them back into my life.

"Lwazi no no" I said.

"You have been having nightmare and been overly protective of Qiniso lately" she said.

"Remember the suicide attempts the failed terminations I was there and I can't let you go back to that
state" she said.

"Why do you hate them so much they are your parents" she said.

"Parents those people don't deserve to be called that,I don't want them near me or Qiniso and that is
that" I said.

I couldn't hold myself because my voice kept reaching.

"That's not fair on Qiniso though he needs his people and what happens you die, what will become of
him" she asked.

I don't think Lwazi realises that I thought about all those things and I decided to do what's best for me.

"You know why I cut ties with these people huh,why I chose you as Qiniso's godmother, why I lied about
his father" she looked at me squinting her eyes.

"You lied" she said.

"You know why because I was raped five years ago I was raped and Qiniso came out of it, I don't know
his father but I carry his evidence and truth with me everyday.

Those people you are bringing into my life did nothing to protect me nothing,they left me that night and
gave those criminals a chance to come ruin my life" I said.

"And not once have you ever told me this wow Nkanyezi" she said taking her bag.
"And I thought I was your best friend" she said walking away.

I know she's hurt and maybe walking away is what's best.

Today isn't one of my best days and Lwazi is still not answering my calls,I understand she's angry and
rightfully so.

I have been looking at my mother's picture for a while now it's the only thing I took from home.This
woman was amazing, beautiful and kindhearted the only person who had my back.

My father has always been strict but looking back my mother brought out the soft side of him. They
complemented each other and our house was a home warm and full of love.

Zweli and I grew up with both parents who loved us but that one night changed everything, nothing
hurts than knowing that the man who you looked up too failed you.

In all my years I thought of him as my superhero,a warrior and protector.

People may find this hard to believe but I was once his little princess.

Qiniso puts his tiny hands on my face and kisses me.

"I love you mommy" he says softly.

"I love you too my boy" I say lifting him up.

"Can we play side and seek" he says.

I nod starting the count this never gets boring he's really good at hiding.

"Mommy's coming" I say.

I hear him giggling and start my search.

I look everywhere but his room he barely goes there, I look under the bed behind the door.

"Qiniso where are you" I shout.

My motherly protective instincts kick in immediately.

I open his door and I can hear him drawing in his breath,I immediately panic and search under the bed
then the wardrobe finding him holding his chest.

I pull him and out and place place him between my legs.

"How many times have I told you not hide in closed space" I say.

"Breathe Qiniso breathe" I say.

He keeps trying but nothing I lift him up rushing out.

.
.

My worst biggest fear has manifested and I am scared for my baby. He needs me and I need him more.

I spent a whole year going in and out of the hospital because of his breathing problems,and when he
was born he had to be in a cast and the nurses were quick tell me it's my fault.

I called Lwazi and Lwandle letting them know that I am in the hospital.

"Lwandle why does it feel like my life is falling apart" I ask.

"Hey everything is going to be okay the doctor's here are good" Lwandle says.

"What if he doesn't make it" I ask.

"Qiniso is strong just like his mother Nkanyezi stop worrying" he says wrapping his arm around me.

"Lwazi is here" he says.

I wipe my tears looking up.

"Zweli wouldn't take no for an answer" Lwazi says giving me a hug.

I don't know what to say my parents are standing here and so is Zweli.

This whole thing feels so unreal I want it stop, I want this whole movie to pause so that I can catch my
breath.

"Punky" My father says.

I look at Zweli then back at him, he opens his arms and the little Punky inside takes a few step towards
him.

He closes me in and brushes my back.

"Its okay daddy's here" he says.

I want to fight this bucket load of emotions and pull away but I just can't.

I want to scream and blame him for everything thing that has happened to me,I want to blame him for
finding myself without a home or family for the past years.

I want to look at him and ask him why?but I allow him to hold and comfort me.

I cry even more when my mother joins in and gives me hug.

"He's going to be okay" My mother says.

I don't have the energy to fight and today isn't about me but my son.

.....

NKANYEZI
005

I don't know what to say but to just sit here and listen to them try and justify what happened. I truly
believed that I was over everything but it turns out not to be true.

I always thought I was living my best life and being the best mother not realising I was harbouring pain
and hurt.

Seeing my family made me realise I still have a long way to go when it comes to my healing.

I had convinced myself that all was buried and long forgotten, but now it feels like I am revisiting and
reliving my pain.

It feels like someone is reaping off the bandage and removing the scabs.

I don't know how people do it but it's harder than I thought,I have met people who looked me in the eye
and told me that they survived.

But what about the flash backs and the nightmares,the one thought that keeps creeping in the one that
says "I am damaged and that I am unlovable".

Last night I had to stay in one room with the people same who deserted me when I needed them most.

I looked at all of them and saw a part of me in them, a glimpse of where I come from.

Today is no different I invited them over because no matter how far I run, I can never get away from
them.

I need to find some healing and not from that faceless monster but from my family.

"Nyezi ka baba we wronged you please forgive us" he says.

I look at him and I can tell he means this but another part of me feels like it's too late.

"I should have protected you but as your father I failed you and I am sorry. I never gave your mother a
chance to choose and that was wrong of me, I know that there's nothing in this world that make up for
what we did but find it in your heart to forgive us" he says.

"I wanted to look for you but knowing what I did I couldn't" he says clenching his jaws

"Please come home" My mother says wiping her tears.

"I don't think that's a great idea" Zweli says looking at me.

He looks livid and the more my parents say something the more the vein on his forehead looks like it will
pop.

"Zweli stay out this this is my daughter" My father says.

"The same daughter who was raped in your house and you did nothing" Zweli shouts.
Right now I am glad Qiniso is not home.

"You are here acting like you care but you don't Nyezi suffered because of you two" He says standing up.

I know he's about to confront my father but Mama stands between them.

"Ufuna ukungishaya Zweli huh is that it you want to do hit your own father" My father asks.

I am over here watching all of this unfold.

"Zweli please calm down" My mother says.

"And wena ma you watched her hurt and did nothing, didn't you feel her pain at all what kind of a
mother are you" he asks.

I know he's hurting but he was also not here.

My mother slaps him so hard her tears streaming down.

"You don't know what you're talking about Zweli seeing her in that state hurt,I am her mother and yes I
felt her pain and yes I did her wrong so you don't know what you're talking about" she says pointing her
finger at her..

Her hands are trembling clearly Zweli touched a nerve.

"That's enough all of you" I say standing up. "I am the one who was raped not you guys I am the one
who gave birth all alone with no one to help me. All I want to know is why why did you allow that to
happen to me" I ask.

"Had you called the police they would have caught him,he would have been in prison right now. What if
he is out there doing what he did to me to someone else" I ask.

"I hate you all of you and I don't think I can ever forgive you that easily" I shout.

"He hurt me granted but you guys broke me when you were supposed to protect me" I say.

"Nyezi" My father says.

"Let her speak she needs to let it all out" My mother says.

"You have no idea the amount of pain I have been through and carrying " I say fighting the tears but
they threaten to fall.

"I needed you to tell me that it wasn't my fault that I did nothing wrong and that you loved me still" I
say.

"We do love you so much my baby and it was never your fault and don't you ever think that" My mother
says

Zweli gives me a hug shaking his head.

"I am sorry I wasn't here for you" He says.

I look at my father and he's in tears.

"Nkanyezi please forgive me and your mother for what I did" he says wiping his tears.

Because of one night we have become a broken family.

I feel lighter and more at peace. I needed this so much to tell them how I feel without sounding like I am
crazy or still holding on to the past.

"I have a son his name is Qiniso Uhuru Thwala" I say with a smile.

"How old is he" Zweli asks.

"He is five" I say.

My father closes his eyes releasing a sigh.

"After I left home I found out I was pregnant and I tried getting rid of him,and will all those attempts I
ended up in the hospital but I ended up keeping him" I say.

"We would love to meet him" My mother says.

I say nothing because I don't know what this means and I am not sure if I want them in our lives.

My parents left and I asked Lwazi to lunch and she showed up just as I had sat down.

We both had coffee and for the first time ever we had nothing to say to each other.

"Nkanyezi ngiyaxolisa" she said.

"I don't appreciate what you did Nolwazi the least you could have done was come to me before bringing
my family to the hospital" I said.

"I was trying to help" she said reaching for my hand.

"I know it seems bad right now but seeing them must have helped in a way" she said.

"I guess so because now I can finally talk about my parents without feeling like I am suffocating" I said.

Before I came here my mother called and asked to come by the hospital and see Qiniso.

"Nkayezi I am sorry for what you went through, I am sorry for the way I reacted when you told me about
Qiniso. I love you guys and I am sorry that monster hurt you but mana you need professional help" she
said.

I looked at her tilting my head to the side.

"I know what you're about to say but you need help" she said.

"Zweli said he would find me help" I said.

"Lwazi they want to meet Qiniso and I don't know what to do" I said.

Nolwazi has been there for me and seeking advise is natural,I could call her my clide my ride and die
person.
She would do anything for me and mostly her love for Qiniso runs deep, Lwazi can't have her own kids
and that has always been the key issue when it comes to all her relationships.

"Follow your heart and think of what's best for him, I know it will take time but allow yourself to look at
the good that could come out of this whole thing" she said.

"Thank you for everything" I said.

"Anytime and to make sure that my apology is welcomed I am taking you for some shopping" she said
excitedly.

I know the struggle of having to work on a tight budget so I can never so no to some shopping.

There's just something about shopping and carrying those bags with a smile on your face. I had to dent
Lwazi's bank account just a little and I got my baby thee cutest sneakers.

Lwazi even drove me to the hospital saw Qiniso before leaving.

My mother did show up and we watced Qiniso in his sleep till he woke up.

"Mommy who is this" he asks rubbing his eyes.

I have been dreading this question since he opened his eyes.

"Baby this is my mother your meaning she's your grandmother" I say.

"So you have a mommy but you don't have a daddy" he asks.

I don't know how to respond so I divert and introduce him to my mother.

"Say hello to granny" I say.

He looks at my mother and smiles.

"You look like my mommy" he says.

"And you are such a beautiful boy" Ma says kissing his cheek.

He is excited and already he's thinking about sleeping over at his grandmother's place.

"I want to go home" he says.

"A few more days and then you can come home with me" I say.

"I don't like this place" he says.

"I know my baby" I say holding his hand.

Nothing warms my hearr than seeing him awake and talking, although a few things will change when he
comes home like the environment he stays in the amount of germs he comes in contact with.I am
grateful and this is definitely a start of great things for us I am ready to leave the past where it belongs.

.....

NKANYEZI

006

This is probably the first time in such a long one that I feel free. I feel like some heavy weight has been
lifted off my shoulders, I remember being in church once being delivered from all the pain and sorrow
that man caused. I was told to forgive and then I would be fully free and that was true.

These past few weeks have neen really hard, I didn't know whether I was coming or going or if all the
trouble was worth it.

Qiniso is back from the hospital and I am carefully to the kind of things and people I expose him too, he's
fragile at the moment and the doctor's warned me that his immune system is weak.

I can't help but blame myself for all that he's going through,no matter what people say to try and make
me feel better these are the consequences of my actions.

My mother just called to let me know she's at the gate.

She has been begging me to see Qiniso an spend sometime with him, I wasn't keen at first but then
Lwandle and Lwazi are taking me out and I couldn't say no.

She knocks a few times before entering shuu talk about feeling comfy.

"I am sorry I just couldn't wait" she says making her way in.

She stands there contemplating whether to give me a hug or not.

"It's okay I was packing up a few of his things" I say.

Qiniso comes running towards her.

"Gogo" he says wrapping his arms around her.

"Oh my boy how are today" she asks lifting him up.

"Mommy says I am better but I don't think so" he says looking at me.

"Of course you will say that because you don't want to go to school" I say.

he laughs hiding his face.

"As smart as your mother is she too hated school" Mama says.
"Hawu Ma that's not entirely true I felt like I knew all the stuff we were taught" I say.

I remember I dreaded going to school and I always wanted to go with Zweli to his school.

I didn't know I was that much of a genius till I was made to skip a class, but my parents refused to let
that happen again because they wanted me to experience school like a normal child would and should.

"Mommy are we going with gogo" Qiniso asks.

"I am staying behind but you are going to spend the night with your grandparents" I say.

His eyes light up and the smile on his face assures me that I am doing the right thing.

"Will malume be there" he asks.

"Ma" I say.

"Yes and he brought you lots and lots of games and mkhulu is going to take you fishing" Mama says
putting him down.

"Ma I don't think fishing is a great idea" I say.

The water might be contaminated and he might catch some diseases.

"I understand" she says nodding her head.

"I have everything he will need and if something goes wrong please call me" I say.

"I am planning cooking don't you want to join us" she asks.

"I am giving you guys my son and I think that's enough" I say.

"Thank you and I am sorry for pushing" she says.

"Nkanyezi I made a mistake when I couldn't support you but I promise with Qiniso I will be the best
grandmother ever" she says.

"Can I have a hug please" I nodd.

She holds me so tight before letting go with a smile on her face.

"I love you Nkanyezi" she says.

I nod picking up Qiniso.

"I love you so much and remember no sugar past six. I will call to check up on you okay" he nods putting
his hands on either side of my.

"I love you too mama" he says kissing me.

"Good and baby please behave" I say.

"Ma if you need anything call I will come straight away" I say.

"I raised two kids and they turned out great" she says.
I walk them out to the car and come back to an empty house.

I must have read a book baked and still I my house was empty. I am so used to being with Qiniso him
being away feels strange.

I look at my phone and I it has about four missed calls from Zweli I quickly call him back.

"Bhuti" I say the moment he picks up.

"How are you feeling" he asks.

"I am good just worried about Qiniso this is the first time he's with strangers" I say.

I quickly bite my tongue I shouldn't have said that.

"We are family Nkanyezi" he says deeply sighing.

"You know what I mean, I am greatful that you guys are in my life but its going to take some getting used
too " I say..

"I don't want to fight with you and the relax Qiniso will have a good time and baba jas these outdoor
activities planned so he's in good hands" he says.

The word outdoor makes me cringe but I know mama will talk to him.

"Have you thought about what I said" he asks.

"Can we not talk about this please" I say.

"Nyezi I am trying to help and by doing this you will get justice please" he says.

Zweli asked me to go the police and open a rape case despite not knowing the perpetrator.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea it's been years" I say.

"Tell you what just think about this more and we will visit the topic soon" he says.

"I hear you and thank you for doing this" I say ending the call.

I spent the rest of my day mopping around till it was time to get ready for our outing. I barely do this and
I just didn't know what to wear but Lwazi hooked me up and I look pretty good.

I thought they would take me to a club or something but we are attending a party.

The house is huge and it looks amazing great architectural skils.

I could definitely see myself living here but of course I would change it to more child friendly.
"Are you fine" Lwazi asks.

"Yes I just need the bathroom" I say.

"Come let me show you" she says standing up.

"Just tell me where it is I am sure I will find it myself" I say.

"Are you sure though" she asks.

"Yeka lononkroyi ayofuna itoilet" Lwandle says.

"Just keep your phone on okay I don't want to go all manly on these people looking for you" he says.

I grunt walking away all I want is too pee and already they are thinking the worst.

I have my bottle of water in hand walking around this beautiful house.

I find myself walking up the staircase I swear I wasn't but the line of paintings going up catches my eye.

I am out of sight and only one picture grabs my full attention, its a painting of a woman and her
beautiful eyes tell a lot and the colours around her which are contrasting making it tell a story.

I look close and realise that the glistening moist in her eyes is what makes this painting look beautiful. I
don't know if should say the painting is incomplete but she's reaching for something and I can't tell
what.

I eventually settle on just looking and falling in love.

This reminds me of the Great Gatsby and how Nick and Jordan went about Jay's house only I am not
seeking the host but the toilet.

That book broke my heart in pieces and I hate Daisey.

"I hate Daisy for hurting and leading Jay on" I say out loud and it feels good saying it.

"You hate Daisey" A voice behind me says.

I turn around and see the most gorgeous man here. I lose my words for a moment there he's handsome
and light in complexion.

"I was just thinking out loud" I say.

He smiles and I feel this tugging feeling.

"Lord I have beem sleeping on you and your people making skills" I say louder than I should.

He laughs shaking his head I swear I am ready to let a light skin guy ruin my life.

"Melusi Sibiya" he says extending his hand.

"Nkanyezi Thwala" I say.

"I know" he says with a smile.

I tilt my head maintaining my smile.

"You do" I say.

He nods his head.

"I am Khaya's father our son's go to the same school" he says.

I want to bang my head to the wall so this is the famous Khaya's dad.

"I am sorry I..." he laughs putting his hand up.

"We've never met but I always see you when you pick up your son" he says.

My mind says stalker alert but his eyes are gentle and warm and Qiniso is very fond of this khaya.

"Pleased to meet you khaya's dad" I say.

"Can I offer you something to drink" he asks.

"No thank you but I don't drink" I say.

He looks surprised but quickly masks it off.

"I just never saw the need to drink" I say.

"Would you like a tour around of the house" he asks.

"This is your house" I ask.

"Yes now will you do me the honour of walking with him" he says extending his arms.

I hook mine around his and look up oh man this gets better he owns the house.

He smells so great I get drunk in his cologne,I want to stay close like gum on shoe because it feels good.

My phone rings I look at and it's a text from from Lwazi.

"Come back or we are sending a search party" It says.

I look at this caramel drink and get lost in his eyes.

"I need to go" I say.

"So soon" he says. "Uhm can I get your number's to find out if you arrived home safe" he says clearing
his throat.

"My friends probably want to leave" I say shrugging my shoulders.

I think we should plan a play date or is that too soon,I chuck that thought to the back of my mind and
smile giving him my numbers.

.....
NKANYEZI

007

I think giving Melusi my numbers was probably the best thing ever. He has been so great and no we
haven't met only on talking on the phone bases.

He calls in the mornings, afternoons and before I go to sleep,this man checks up on me more than I
check on myself.

After the night of the party I thought he wouldn't bother calling or checking up on me, but I was wrong
because lately I have been receiving flowers.

In all my life the only flowers I have ever received are complimentary flowers and for my birthday.

All this is foreign to me but it sure feels good having someone to talk other than family and friends.

My parents took Qiniso again and that gave me time to be with my people.

"Mana tell us what did you do to this guy huh did you perhaps give him a taste of the forbidden fruit"
Lwandle asks.

Trust Lwandle to think that everyone gives it up on a first time base.

"No" I say.

"Then what did you do to him because the guy has been calling" He says.

"Yini ushimile is that why he's calling like udlisiwe" he asks laughing.

"No" I say with a smile.

"Oh my word you are blushing you like him" Lwazi says.

"Is that a bad thing" I ask looking at her.

"No not at all but are you ready for something like this" she asks.

"I don't know but each time I think about him I get this feeling I can't explain,he respects me and the
way he speaks to me" I say getting ahead of myself.

"Our own Nyezi is finally feeling something for someone isn't that cute" Lwandle says.

"He asked me on a date" I say before squeeling with joy.

"And what did you say" Lwandle asks.

"I said I would think about it and I just can't leave Qiniso" I say.

"Yes you can because we are here" Lwazi says.

"Just tell the guy that you're available and we will take care of the rest" she says.

We lie on the ned facing the ceiling this is what happens when we have nothing to say,call it our
comfortable silence moments.

Lwandle and Lwazi are spending the night and I have already started cooking,Zweli is should be on his
way here with Qiniso.

I look at my beeping phone and its a text from Melusi.

*I miss you* Him

I quickly wipe my hands and start typing.

*I miss you too* Me

I don't know if missing someone you barely know makes sense but here I am missing him.

*I hope you and Qiniso are good I can't wait to see* him.

I blush holding my phone close. I feel like a teenager right now.

*We are fine thanks for asking I hope the same goes for you and Khaya* Me

*I also can't wait to see you* Me

*I have to go but can I call you later on just to hear your voice* Him

I would be a fool if I said no.

*Yes you can call* I say.

He sends a few heart emojis and I cant help but hold the phone close to my heart.

I think I will give whatever this is a try it can't feel this good and be wrong.

I rush to the door the moment I hear Qiniso voice. I open the door and not only is Zweli carrying toys but
he's alsot carrying someisome.

I hope his grandparents aren't buying him using gifts.

My brother gives me a hug and Qiniso does not even acknowledge me.

"Qiniso" I say.

"Ma" he says settling on the couch taking out a car toy.

"Is that how we great each other in this house" I ask.

He shakes his head standing up while Zweli goes through my pots, I might not be a pro when it comes to
cooking but I know my way in the kitchen.

"Hello mommy, how are you? are you good did you miss me" he asks tiling his head.
"I missed you so much" I say giving him a hug.

"I want to visit gogo all the time" he says.

I look at Zweli who shrugs his shoulders.

"Oh really so you don't love me anymore" I ask.

"I love you but gogo makes me soft porridge in the morning and and I help mkhulu shine his shoes and
he takes ms fishing" he says.

"Oh so you want to leave me alone" I say.

"No we can all live together right malume" he says looking at Zweli.

"That's right" Zweli says.

"Go say hi to uncle Lwandle and aunt Lwazi in my bedroom" I say.

He runs off taking some of the toys with him

"So your friends are here" Zweli says nodding his head.

He hasn't gotten used to the three of us being friends.

"Yes" I say.

"Mom gave me this well its from both of them" he says taking out an envelope.

"I don't need their money" I say.

"It's not for you uyaphapha it's for Qiniso's medical bills" he says.

I release sigh this will going a long way.

"Thank you" I say.

"How about you thank them yourself by coming around the house" he says.

"I don't know" I say hesitantly.

He nods reaching his hand inside his pockets.

"Here take this she's a really good friend of mine. I told her about you and I was hoping you could make
some time and see her just for a talk" he says.

I look at the card and it's written Doctor Pearl Zondo.

"She helps trauma patients and rape victims, I know I said I would back off but just give this a try" he
says.

"I will" I say.

He gives me a hug.

"I love you sis so much" he says

"I love you too bhuti" I say.

He clears his throat pulling away I turn and find Lwandle,Lwazi and their minion just standing there.

"Aw isibabane madoda" Lwandle says snapping his tongue.

"I don't like this" Zweli says getting close to me.

I don't want to laugh he might just run.

"Zweli" Lwazi says ogling at my brother.

"I am scared" Zweli says nudging me.

"Hey behave you two you're scaring my brother" I say.

"Grr relax I don't bite" Lwandle says winking.

"I also don't bite mommy says biting people is wrong" Qiniso says innocently.

"Yes bitting is wrong" I say

"But I do" Lwazi says.

Oh my word I give up these two hoes just can't help themselves.

"Malume please stay so you can tuck me in" Qiniso says.

"And you can stay for supper" I say.

"What about these two" he asks.

"I will handle them" I say.

"I am staying for my sister and nephew you two stay away from me" he says.

This is going to be one hell of a night.

Lwazi offered to babysit seeing that my parents have a commitment. My car broke down so Zweli drove
me to my destination I was going to take a taxi but he insisted after seeing the address Melusi sent me.

Melusi did an outside garden picnic in his house and the I fell inlove with the place and setting at first
sight.

The place looks both beautiful and romantic

We got to know each and yes he truly is Khaya's father,he is a single Dad and Khaya's mother is in the
picture they share custody.
I don't know but he seems and sounds distant.

"You look beautiful and thank you for coming" he says.

"Thank you" I say.

He just looks at me and forces a smile.

"Is everything okay" I ask.

"I don't know if I should ask or not but because I really like you I.."I cut him short.

"You like me" I say.

"Yes and I would like for this be something" he says.

"I feel a but coming" I say disappointed.

"Nkanyezi was that your husband is he Qiniso's father" he asks.

So that's why he's been like this poor thing.

"No that's my brother and I am not married" I say raising up both hands.

He takes one hand and kisses it,I almost pull away but his touch is gentle and assuring.

"Great because I would love to get to know you better and maybe we can be more than just friends" he
says.

"I don't know what to say" I say looking into his eyes.

And why is he not blinking man he's handsome.

"Just give me a chance to make you happy and if it doesn't work out then that's okay" he says.

I nod like a fool drowning in love, he stands on his feet and helps me up.

He smells so good just like the first time I saw him,his hand settles rightfully on my back the other one
caressing my face.

"Just give me a chance" he says.

I feel his breath on my neck and I can't help wonder how his lips taste like.

I haven't been this close to a man being this close scares me.

I try pulling away but his doesn't let go my body eventually relaxes and hearing him breathe calms me
down.

I want to give him a chance but giving him one means opening up and being honest, will he still hold me
like this when he finds out truth. I doubt he will still look at me like he is right now and that's my reality.

.......
NKANYEZI

008

I took sometime to think things through and decided to give Melusi a chance. Zweli thinks it's too soon
but I haven't felt like about anyone ever and I know whatever this is is good. I believe I am at that place
where peace comes naturally and I owe that to seeing my family and letting go.

I might be inexperienced in this love field thing but he makes me laugh and I can tell he's a great guy.

We are yet to tell the most important people in our lives about us which are the boys, he wants to do
things probably and introduce me to the important people in his life being his family. I tell you this I have
never been introduced to anyone's family or child for that matter, Lwazi is happy that I am living and
loving and Lwandle shares Zweli's sentiments.

I am warning up to my family and having them around Qiniso.

My parents have always been good parents and that's something I can never take away from them,sure
they failed me and thats still hurts but truthfully speaking that's the only time I have ever been
disappointed by them.

Having my brother back home is great finally I have one of own,although things are still rocky between
him and my father but they are getting there.

To prove that I am getting there I can now call my mother without feeling irritated because of her
overbearing,or angry with her for not fighting for me.

All this positivity sterms from calling and seeing Pearl. I must say Zweli was right about the lady she's
really good.

Accordingly to her the one thing holding me back from fully healing is not knowing my abuser,and
seeking his identity in all the man I come across in my daily life.

That is true but I see a part of him every day in Qiniso.

Today is the third time meaning its my third appointment seeing her.

I am nervous because she always has an ace up her sleave and with that two things always happen, I
either leave her office in tears or livid questioning her methods. But when I get home I realise that I am
few years of hate and anger lighter.

"You look calm today" Pearl says.

She has a notepad and pen in paper looking at me through her glases. I also see that recoding device of
hers.

"I just had the most heart warming phone call with my son" I say.

She looks at me and smiles.

"I am glad you brought him up because thats what we are going to talk about today" she says.

I shift uncomfortably from my chair and clear my throat.

"What about him" I ask.

"I just want you to tell me about your son. Nkanyezi we have talked about everyone else family, friends
and work but your son" she says.

I take a deep breath and nod.

"Good you can start" she says.

"My son's name is Qiniso Uhuru Thwala he's five years old" I say my face beeming

"He is truly a blessing in my life he's the one thing that has been making sense in such a long time. he's
such a beautiful soul my heart in a human form and I love him more than anything else in this world.

I don't see my life without him and I want nothing but the best for him. I love my son and he loves me
it's the two of us against the world" I say.

"But that's not how you have always felt right" I nod twiddling my thumbs.

"Tell about how you felt during that confusing time" she says.

"I was angry,hurt and disgusted with myself for carrying him inside me. I wanted to abort him and then
all my attempts failed" I say shaking my head.

"Why were you angry" she asks.

"Because I was stuck with him inside me, but as time went by I was fine with that and there were the
bad days" I say letting the tears fall.

She offers me a box of tissues and clears her throat.

"Tell me about the bad days" she says.

"I hated him.I hated my own son and I would ask why he chose me and why didn't he die during child
birth" I say putting a hand over my mouth.

"Tell me when was this" she asks.

"A month after he was born and he had complications, I would look at him and ask why make me fall in
love with you or make peace with the fact that he was in my life only for him to leave me. But he fought
and he survived to stay and I love him I feel bad and terrible for ever hating him" I say.

"Am I a horrible person" I ask sniffling through the snorts.

"No but you were in a different space back then which is understandable" she says.

"Take a few deep breaths and tell me about the night he was conceived" she says.

I look at her and I don't understand why she's asking about that night.
"I want you to close your eyes and recall all the details about that night and just tell me about it" she
says.

"I was alone that night and the next i know he was already in my room holding me down,there was
someone with him and they didn't even help me he was raping me and they were standing guard
outside my bedroom" I say wiping the tears..

I am reliving that moment and it's still a wound that refuses to heal.

"Was he brutal" she asks.

"I was still pure and it hurt but as he was ontop it.." I don't want to say it.

I have been in battle with my emotions with this one.

"This is a safe space just talk" she says.

"He got gentler and my body reacted" I say biting my lip.

"And that's not your fault your body reacted which is nature, naturally your body communicated with
your brain hence that reaction you don't have to feel bad or disgusted" she says.

I nod my head calming down.

"Is he the only man you know" she asks.

I nod again.

"Take a few deep breaths close your eyes open them and tell me how you feel" she says.

I do as she tells me and open my eyes.

"I feel lighter and more at peace" I say.

"That's what opening and letting your emotions be does to the soul, you are strong and trust me when I
say its not easy to get a break through from patients but because you are willing we are getting there"
she says with a smile.

"Thank you" I say.

"I am just doing my job" she says.

I tell me about Melusi before wrapping up our session.

"Try being honest and see where that lands you" she says.

"I want you to be ready for our next session because you are going to confront your perpetrator" she
says.

"But how? I..I don't think I am.." she smiles stopping me from my rambling.

"It's called the empty chair exercise don't worry its harmless" she says closing her note pad.

"This is it for today you did good" she says.

"Thank you" I say.

After my session with pearl I took a drive and found myself parked outside my parents house.

This is long overdue and I have to do it.

I have been parked here for a while now planning my next move.

I finally kill the engine after I have starting it for the firth time

"I can do this" I say getting out of the car.

I make my way inside the house and knock, My mother is the one welcoming me by the door.

I know she was called and told someone was parked outside their gate.

"Nkanyezi" she says opening her arms.

I smile slowly making my to her.

"Akabongwe ongaphezulu" She says crushing me into her arms.

"I missed you mama" I say holding her back.

"I missed you so much you don't even know" she says.

I let her hold me and some things don't change.

"I love you Nkanyezi ngane yami" she says kissing me.

"Where's Dad" I ask.

"He's in the garden with a business partner come let me call him" she says.

"I will wait here ma it's okay" I say.

She steps out and comes back with my father who looks emotional and nevours.

"Baba" I say.

He gives me a hug and deeply sighs.

"I forgive you both of you" I say holding him back.

"Thank you" he says.

I am doing this for me and my sanity.

"Thwala" A male voice says behind us.

My father tenses up but doesn't let go of me.

"I didn't realise you had company" the man says

"I will be right there" My father says still holding me.

I pull away but it's already late because the man disappears to the outside.

"Let me wrap up my meeting and come back to you guys" he says still holding my hand.

"I love you Baba" I say smiling.

"I love you Nkanyezi yami" he says looking at mother.

"Hamba Thwala Zothile might just come back here and drag you" she says.

I spend the rest of my day here and mama faffing over me like a child, Baba not letting me out if his side
and Zweli playing with Qiniso.

He offered to fetch him and brought him here,they are not the perfect but they are still family.

I had planned an early night but Melusi called and asked to see me. he parked just across the road and
we have been sitting in his car talking.

I love the fact that he's attentive and talking to him comes easily.

"Melusi I have something to tell you and if you don't feel the same anyone about me it's okay" I say.

"I doubt anything will change Nkanyezi, you see when I asked you out I knew and still know what I want
and that is you" he says.

"Whatever it is it can't be tha bad and if you want me to wait for you I will" he says.

I want him to stop talking because he's making this hard for me to say.

"Melusi I was raped and I have never been with a man" I blurt out.

He looks shocked and pool of emotions washes over his face.

I hold his hand squeezing it.

"Qiniso is mine but he's also his" I say.

He lets out a deep sigh and clenches his jaw.

He opens his side of the door stepping out he comes to my side and opens for me.

I can't look him in the eye not when I don't know what he's thinking.

"Look at me" he comands.

I look up and see a smile on his face, his eyes teary but the smile on his face means a lot.

"You did nothing, I am sorry about what happened to you but that doesn't change the woman you are"
he says bringing me into a hug.
"So you still like me" I say.

"Nkanyezi I love you and I am honoured that you shared this me with" he says holding me close.

He said he loves me Melusi loves me.

"If you need time then that's okay I am going anywhere" he says kissing my forehead.

Whatever factory he was made in they should supply more of him.

........

NKANYEZI

009

Who knew that paying and talking to a stanger would help like this. I believe I am far with the help that I
am getting far more than I would have been if I was doing this on my own.

Work is going great and my kids are doing good. I have been spending time with Khaya but not officially
as his father's girlfriend but Qiniso's mom.

He's such a lovely child and well disciplined I think both his parents are doing a great job in raising him.

They really do get along so well with Qiniso the sight makes me broody. I wouldn't mind bringing in
someone else into world just for him.

Mama called me yesterday and asked if I could bring Qiniso over for a sleep over and I agreed, because I
also have plans of my own Melusi asked if I could spend the night over at his place.

We won't be doing much just watching movies and getting to know each other on a more intimate level.

Lwandle and Lwazi are planning a night out and I had to decline.

"So you're choosing dick over us" Lwandle says.

"Are seriously going to ask me that Lwandle" I say.

"What you're the one going out nje one kiss nyana on the forehead and you're already sleeping over" he
says looking amused

That happened a week ago and he's still on that.

"Have you seen his dick though" Lwazi asks stifling a laugh.

"No I haven't and even if I did I wouldn't tell" I say.

"You are so grown maka Qiniso usukwazi nokulala ama sleep out" Lwandle says.
"I hope you shaved and bought new pyjamas" Lwazi says.

"We aren't going have sex" I say.

"Is that what he told you" Lwazi asks.

"No but Melusi is a gentleman and he said he would wait" I say.

"Does he have a brother" Lwandle asks.

"No and you two better stay away from my brother" I say pointing at them.

The Zweli topic works because they squeal and clap hands.

"Your brother is so hot he can have us both" Lwazi says.

"Oh wow and he's supposed to come here willingly knowing that I have perverts for friends" I say.

"Don't judge okay life isn't pap n vleis and we are still looking for mr right" Lwandle says.

"And that's supposed to make me feel better" I say tilting my head..

"Well it supposed to help you sleep better come on we are harmless, and we wouldn't do anything he
doesn't what us to do" Lwazi winks. .

I look at them and laugh.

"My brother is not safe shame" I say.

"Keep your phone on we want to know all the details" Lwazi says.

"Qiniso" I call out but he doesn't respond.

"Qiniso Uhuru Thwala" I call again.

"Ma" he shouts back.

Oh wow the type of kids we are raising these days.

"We need to leave" I say.

"Ngiyeza" he says.

"I sometimes wonder where he gets that stubborn streak from" Lwazis says shaking her head.

He gives everyone a hug and kisses Lwazi on the cheek.

"I am going to my grandparents house and we are going to have fun" he says.

"Can we leave now" I say.

"Sure" he says leading the way.

He just said "Sure" a whole sure to his mother wow.

My son wants to spend more time with Khaya and his father. I like his thinking because I would also love
to spend time with those people and one of these days we might tell the boys about us.

"Mommy I like Khaya's dad" he says.

"And I like him too" I say.

"Can we have Khaya" he asks.

"What" I ask.

"Baby we can't have Khaya you know why because he is not ours. Khaya has a mom and dad just like you
have me and no one can take you away from me" I say.

"But I don't have a dad" he says frustrated.

I deeply sigh and park the car outside my parents driveway.

I open the car and the first thing he does is run inside the house.

I find both my parents already on their feet looking down on him,I greet both of them giving them hugs.

"Uhuru" I say.

He folds his arms and sits with his grandfather.

"Why is he angry" Ma asks.

"I think we had a fight about him not having a dad" I say.

"Its okay we will talk to him" Baba says.

"Thank you for looking after him I will come get him in the morning" I say.

"I am leaving" I say hoping he gives me hug.

"Give your mother a hug boy" Baba says.

He looks at his grandfather and slams into my open arms.

"I love you so much okay" I say whispering in his ear.

"I love you too mommy" he whispers back holding me tight.

I give my mother his bag that has everything he might need including his medicine.

I hate driving at night but I was not going to ask Zweli to give me a lift to my man,that would have been
both embarrassing and awkward.

I arrived at his house and his longue was beautifully transformed, pillows on the floor a bottle of wine
snacks and chick flick movies.
He was already wearing his pyjamas and all I had to do was to take a quick shower freshening up and get
dressed.

"I have popcorn nail polish and everything you can ever think off" he says smiling.

"Nail polish" I say amused.

"I want to make you feel better and this will definitely cheer you up" he says.

I am shamelessly blushing and drooling over here this man is a walking sin.

"How was your day sthandwa sam" he asks settling next to me.

Heat alert we so close I feel every muscle I don't think I will make it to morning.

I tell him about Qiniso and Lwandle and Lwazi keep harassing my brother, he laughs and I taken by his
beautiful laugh and the sparkle in his eyes.

"Sthandwa are you okay can I get you anything" he asks.

"Everything is okay this is perfect thank you" I say.

He smiles closing his eyes and the more I take my time looking at him, the more I fall for this man.

He removes my socks and kisses my feet making me giggle.

"Are you happy" he asks starring at me.

I nod with a huge smile on my face.

"That's all I ever want to do is to make you happy and make you see that there's still hope for this world
and it's people" he says.

"Melusi you are giving me hope and all these other things. You are amazing and I don't want this to stop
I love the way you make me feel and look at me" I say.

"If I could look at you the same way your eyes look at me" he says.

"And how is that" I ask.

"Like I am the only man you have eyes for" he says.

I could hang on to his every word all day everyday.

"Would you hurt me" I ask.

He caresses my face and smiles.

"I would never hurt you I would probably cut myself before I hurt you" he says.

I nod staring only into his eyes.

"Nkanyezi do you believe me" he says.

"Yes I do" I say.

"Then believe in us too" he says leaning in for a kiss.

He rests his lips on mine and takes a moment before he parts my lips using his.

His lips are warm and a bit salty from the popcorn, he wants to pull away but I hold him pulling him
close.

"I don't want you to stop" I say.

Mbuso Thwala

I am the happiest man on earth right now having both my kids in sight. And the glue to all this being my
grandson that little man has turned out to be the light at the end of the tunnel.

I remember the look Nkanyezi gave me when I refused to have her go to the police.

It broke me and it left a never healing wound.

I have already put Qiniso to sleep he's perfect and I believe Nkanyezi allowed us back in her life for his
sake. For the child to belong and be with his people.

I find Mangubane making some of her camomile tea.

"You look stressed" She says giving me a smile.

"I don't know what to do Mangubane this is weighing heavy on me" I say.

"Don't be like that please the last time you got like this your heart stopped" she says.

The last heart scare I had was when Nkanyezi got raped and stopped coming home.

"How can I not be worried when things are going to fall apart" I say.

"Talk to me Mbuso what's eating you up" she asks.

"Things were easier knowing that she was safe even though it was from a distance but I knew she was
okay" I say.

She looks at me accusingly.

"Uthini Mbuso are saying you knew about Nkanyezi's whereabouts all along" she asks.

"If you knew then you would have long gone to her house just look at what happened the moment Zweli
told you about her, didn't you find yourself at her door step" I say.

"Mbuso how could you,how many times have come to into this house only to tell me you couldn't find
her what else are you hiding from me" she asks.
"Mangubane not now please" I say standing up.

"I don't know what's going on with you but if something happens to my daughter or grandson I will
never forgive you Mbuso" she says walking away.

"Zweli might as well kill me now" I say to myself.

......

010

NKANYEZI

Ever been treated so good you don't what it to stop. You don't want the moment to end all you need is
for it to keep going on and on that's me right now. I don't want Melusi to stop doing whatever this is, I
swear he's a gentleman loving and has this big beautiful heart.

Yesterday I couldn't go all the way I felt like a teenager who wasn't ready for her first time. But he was
fine with it and just held me which wasn't bad at all.

We talked about family,work and kids well let's just say he doesn't like my family.

And I found out that he is into mining heading his father's company basically he's monied but doesn't
going around showing it.

He's a modest guy humble and down to earth and not to mention he's handsome.

I love how he talks about Khaya it's how a parent should talk about their kids.

How can I not fall in love with this man when he's absolutely amazing.

We watched all those soppy movies and fed each other, he did my nails which was the highlight of the
night because he looked cute or maybe the highlight of the night was him kissing me. Yeah the kiss was
definitely the best and it stood out and it awoken sleepinh things.

I can say my man is gifted apart from feeling him,we took a shower together and yes the hoe hoe in me
jumped at the opportunity.

Last night was amazing though especially when he played some music and started dancing with and for
me. He's got moves more than me which is not fair.

I woke to some breakfast in bed fresh fruit and juice and I appreciated the gesture after the night we
had.

I am proud of myself this means a lot for someone like me.

I am laying on his chest listening to his heart with my hand on his chest.

He called the office and askes them to cancel all his meetings,although his father questioned him he
agreed to let him be.

"Baby" I say.

"Mhmm" he mumbles.

I look at him and his eyes are still closed.

"I love think I love" I say.

That's how excited I can't even hide my feelings.

"You think" he says laughing.

"I love you Sotobe" I say.

"Well I loved you the moment you I saw you and hearing you say these words makes me happy" he says
kissing my forehead.

"I just want you to heal and be okay seeing you in turmoil doesn't sit well with me" he says.

"I know" I say.

"And as from today I will be driving you to your sessions and I can pick up the boys on days you can't" he
says.

"Thank you" I say.

"I think this is fate somehow just look at Khaya and Qiniso going to the same school and being friends,
us meeting like that clearly the universe and God are working some overtime" he says.

I couldn't agree more he is in my life for a reason.

"I guess good things do come to those who wait" I say.

"And it's time we told the boys about us they need to know" he says.

"Ngivumelana nawe sthandwa sami" I say.

"Awuphinde futhi" he says smiling.

"Ngivumelana nawe sthandwa sami" I say.

"Now that sounds great" he says kissing me.

"But what about Khaya's mother" I ask.

His phone rings in the middle of our conversation.

"Hold that thought" he says taking it.

He exchanges a few words and clicks his tongue.

"What's wrong" I ask.

"Sbahle is at the door" he says taking a deep breath.

"Want some back up" I say.

He looks at me smiling.

"Yes please" he says.

"AAhh no" I say.

He gives me this mischievous look and picks me up.

"Melusi put me down" I say giggling.

I am not ready for some baby mama drama I still need the Lwandle and Lwazi couching school.

He puts me down once we are at the door, he opens up and Sbahle walks beaming but her face quickly
goes sour when she sees me.

I met her when I dropped off the Qiniso and Khaya ran to me I don't think she liked that, or maybe she
doesn't like me because when Melusi introduced me to her she was throwing all kinds of shade.

"Sbahle" We both says.

She looks at me from head to toe then looks at Melusi.

"I didn't know you had company" she says clearing her throat.

"Is there something wrong with Khaya" he asks.

"No I just came to see if you're fine seeing that last night you weren't responding to my texts" she says.

Yaz this chick doesn't see me akangiboni.

"As you can see I am fine and well taken care off so please" Melusi says opening the door.

"Baby" I say nudging him.

"Firstly she walks in here doesn't recognise your presence completely disrespecting you in our home and
you say Baby. Baby wam" he says.

"Melusi" I say looking at Sbahle who is now tongue tied.

"Sbahle I am sure your fiance is looking for you somewhere please excuse us sisayolala" he says.

His tone might be calm but the harshness is there. .

She looks at me and turns on her heals,I close the door on her behind and look at Melusi..

"Abanye abantu banesicefe" he says looking irritated.

I pull him all the way to the lounge and sit on his lap wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Don't be mad she was just fishing and reaching" I say kissing him.

he wraps his arms resting his head on my chest.

Melusi is parked right outside waiting to drop me off at my parents place. I appreciate him doing this
and walking this journey with me.

Pearl had been asking me questions about my perpetrator to the point where I couldn't hold tears. She
says I have to cry it all out till I reach a point where I can about what I went through without shedding
tears.

I believe that she's right it hurts yes but that's because I have keeping it inside.

"I am proud of you this break though is significant" she says smiling.

"You are strong and throughout these sessions I have see the strong resilient woman you are, Nkanyezi
you have this burning fire inside you and I tell you this your son is lucky to have you" she says.

"I thought you weren't supposed to get personal" I say laughing through the tears.

"I am just telling you my observations" she says.

I nod wiping my tears.

"I hope you're ready for today's session" she says.

She stands up anf takes one take placing it in front of me.

"I want you to take as much time as you need breathe and look at the chair. Picture him sitting there
facing you and you alone" she says.

I don't think she understands what she asking of me.

"What would you say to him, tell him everything and nothing but say something" she says standing afar.

I look at the chair and shake my head.

"I hate him" I say.

"Tell that to him" she says.

Now I have to talk to an empty chair.

"I hate you and I would love to see you die" I say.

I shake my head standing up.

"I can't do this I am sorry" I say.

"Tell him about his son" she says.

What this lady clearly has been smoking today.

"He is my son mine alone" I say through gritted teeth.

"Tell that to him" she says.

I look at the chair my hands sweating and chest heaving.

"He will be nothing like you nothing. My son is innocent and pure and he will never be anything like you"
I say.

I can't have Qiniso be like his monster of a father.

Pearl looks at me and nods I can see the sympathy in her eyes.

"I believe that's it for today but Nkanyezi please use the techniques I taught you to breathe and control
your anger" she says.

I look at her swallow hard.

Mulusi meets me from the door and opens his arms calming me down.

"She's pushing and pushing" I say still in his hold.

"Its okay you don't have to say anything" He says brushing my back.

I hold him tight wetting his shirt.

"Come let me take you home" he says walking me to the car.

He drives while holding my hand and kissing it. I thought the road was leading home but he parks his car
the park.

"I thought we were going home" I say.

I just need to be in his arms and have him tell me his work stories.

He takes my hand as we walk to one of the benches and settle down.

I rest my head on his shoulder with him holding close.

Its a bit windy and the trees are telling its own tales.

"Listen to the trees being blown" he says softy.

"This one of my favourite places it's quiet and I often come here to think and calm down" he says.

"Nkanyezi this will not be an easy journey but I am here and trust me I am not leaving you,I love you
Mathwala and that's the honest truth" he says releasing a deep sigh.

.
Melusi drove me home and parked just a few blocks away so we could talk.

"Just remember you're beautiful,strong and one of a kind" he says.

"Thank you for taking me to the park and sharing your favourite place with me" I say.

"Its now our favourite place" he says.

"I should get going and you should go prepare for your meeting tomorrow" I say.

"I promise to call before I sleep" he says.

"And I promise to answer on the first ring" I say.

He looks at me and smiles.

"Yeah right" he says.

We both step out of the car and he pulls me close to him smashing his lips on to mine.

I am enjoying his kisses they are becoming addictive.

He watches till I get inside the house.

I find Mama and Qiniso baking and the whole smell of vanilla and baking dough.

"Mommy" Qiniso says.

I lift him up and kiss him all over he giggles touching me with hands full of dough.

"Hayi Uhuru you're making me dirty" I say putting him down.

"Hello my baby" Ma says kissing my cheek.

"Hey mama" I say smiling.

"How was your day" she asks.

"It was long and tiring and I missed my little man" I say.

she nods taking out the pans.

"Would you like to join us" she asks.

The door bell goes off just as I am about to wash my hands.

I open the door and find a man standing there.

"Who is it" Ma asks.

"May I come in" he says.

I move out of the way letting him in.

"Mangubane" he says looking at ma.

Some people have good genes even in their matured years but there's something sinister about him.
"Zothile how are you" Ma asks.

"I am good" He says moving his eyes from mama to me.

"Mbuso is not here but you can wait in study" Mama says with a smile on her face.

I don't know if something is amiss with my makeup but this man creeps me out his aura is dark and
unsettling.

"You must be Zweli's fiance" he says extending his hand.

I hesitate but end up giving him my hand my heart beats rapidly and then settles on a faint beat making
me slowly breathe through my mouth.

"Hayi Zothile this is my daughter Nkanyezi, Nyezi this is your father's business partner" Ma says.

"Your daughter but I thought she was.." Qiniso comes running holding mama's slippers.

"Mommy here put these on gogo doesn't mind" he says.

My father walks in and stops on his tracks when he sees his friend.

....

Mbuso Thwala.

I couldn't believe my eyes seeing Zothile and Nkanyezi in the same room. I knew this day would come
but it seems to soon and I still don't have a plan.

Zothile wouldn't hesitate turning my life upside down to get whe he wants,the man has no regard for
anything let alone the human like.

Zothini might have been a bastard but he was so much better than his brother.

Facing Zothile is like coming face to face with the devil himself,I regret getting in bed with him.

I took him to my study and judging by his frown he already knows Nkanyezi is my daughter

"You told me your daughter died Mbuso" he says clenching his jaw.

"Zothile come down" I say.

"You lied to me Mbuso and you know how much I hate liars, ngabhonga emswaneni thinking she was
dead but you were hiding her" he says.

Zothile is a dangerous ruthless man and that goes for all his family members.

A man powerful his hand reaches the highest of places and ranks.
"I had to protect my daughter I did what any father in my position would do" I say.

He looks livid and yes he hates being double crossed.

"Nc nc nc nc biggest mistake you have ever done in your life" he says.

"I see she even has a child" he says.

He has a smirk on his face.

"Now you're taking this too far stay away from my family" I say.

His smile breaks into a laugh.

"Udlala ngegeja kuziliwe Thwala qaphela ungalimali" he says.

"I think it's time we all sat down don't you think" he says.

Where do I begin telling them the truth without losing all of them, I can't lose my family twice I just
can't.

....

NKANYEZI

011

Last night my father wanted us to have this huge feast together as a family. Everything was fine till that
visit from that friend of his and he completely changed.

I guess whatever business they had been discussing didn't go down to well.

last night made me realise how important family is and that my son needs strong men in his life. I love
the way my son is around his grandfather and uncle it's so amazing.

I also believe that this will have a positive impact on him and I won't have to keep wondering how he
will turn out.

My mother on the other hand is amazing and yes she's making up for the last years she hasn't been
around.

So many good things are happening in my life right now its feels like all this is happening too fast.

I told my mother about Melusi and how he makes me feel, the way he looks at me like I mean more than
I should. She's happy for me and wishes to meet him one of these days.

I don't know where Melusi and I are headed but he makes me happy and right now that's all that
matters.
A man who loves you and your child a rare bread, a man who looks past my shady and unresolved past is
even amazing.

I reach for my phone and call him he was supoosed to let me know how things are going at the office.

He picks up on the third ring.

"Hello my love" he says.

A huge smiles creeps up my face that's how much of an effect he has on me.

"Hello sthandwa sami how are you"I ask.

"Everything is okay I am not touching ground though things are hectic I hope you got my text" he says.

"I did and yes I love you too but I just wanted to hear your voice" I say.

He chuckles releasing a deep sigh.

"Are you still attending that thing wiith Lwandle or do you want me to rescue you" he asks

"I can't drop him not on the last minute" I say.

"But can I see you before you guys leave just to give you some love" He says softly

How can I say no when he asks so nicely.

"Sotobe" I say.

He chuckles and I find myself laughing.

"Now that's a first" he says sounding surprised.

"I love you yezwa Babaka Khaya" he chuckles even more.

"I love you too Maka Qiniso" he says.

I end the call with a smile on my face. I would have loved to spend more time with him but Lwandle has
this high profile thing and I happen to be his partner.

He is up for a junior partner position in one of the biggest law firms and if he makes a good impression
tonight he might just be set for life. Regardless of his sexual preferences he's really good at what he
does,Lwandle is a beast when it comes to his work and I couldn't be more proud.

So tonight I will be dining with the elite of this country rubbing shoulders with the rich and rooting for
my friend all in one.

I had to drive down to Nolwazi's place and drop Qiniso as my father's request. He called a family
meeting and asked that Uhuru not be present seeing that it would drag.

He hasn't been himself all afternoon and that bugs my mother, the woman even threatened to murder
my dad if he's cheating or scheming behind her back.
I have this un easy feeling the moment my father settles down next to mama.

"Are you sick Mbuso this silence of yours is scarring everyone" Ma says.

She's right my father has a heart problem and we are worried about him.

"I hope you're not dying this family has been through a lot" Zweli says

He looks at me and smiles.

"I love you all, having a family is the greatest gift any man can have" he says.

"Baba what's wrong" I ask.

"Mangubane please forgive me" he says.

"Baba are you cheating on ma seriously" Zweli says.

I put my hand on his shoulder and calm him down.

I look at my father and he's just torn whatever he has to tell us is just tearing him apart.

I have this sinking feeling in my stomach as I blink away the tears and bite my lower lip.

"A few years ago I was in business with a man named Zothini Khanyile" he says.

"Why are you telling us about a dead man didn't you say this is a family meeting" Ma asks.

"Wasn't Zothini uncle Zothile's twin" Zweli asks.

"Yes he was" My father says.

"He is back from the dead" I say trying to lighten up the situation.

"I wish he was because then I wouldn't be having to do this" he says.

"Wenzeni Mbuso" Ma asks.

"Things were never supposed to get out of control but he got greedy and impulsive, I wasn't willing to go
down with him and when he threatened my family.I had to do something to protect all of you" he says.

"You killed him" I say.

My mother gasp putting a hand over her mouth.

"What I didn't know is that he was working for his brother Zothile. killing him meant Zothile coming after
me with all he had" he says clenching his jaw.

"Baba what are saying" Zweli asks.

"I was at Zothile's mercy and blood for blood he said" my father says.

I don't know where this is going but I am not liking it one bit.

"What business were you in because Zothile is rumoured to have his hand in all the pies baba. Drug
trafficking, human trafficking and the black market is basically his home " he says
"You were involved in all these sick and inhumane practises" Zweli says sounding defeated.

"Mbuso what have you done" My mother says shaking her head.

"You are still alive meaning he wanted something in return what? what did he want" Zweli shouts

He looks at me and tears fall from his eyes.

"No" I say.

"Mbuso tell me you didn't do what I think you did" Ma says breathing heavily.

"Despite his differences with his brother he wanted to avenge his death and so It was either he sold
Nkanyezi to the highest bidder or have her marry his eldest son. When I didn't deliver on many accounts
that when he decided to teach me a lesson and have Nkanyezi raped" he says.

"He saw Nkanyezi and he wants to collect" he says

I shake my head tears streaming me down my own father sold me to the highest bidder.

"I only found out when it already too late I had agree the marrying you to his son, but then I realised his
son is sick and twisted like him and I couldn't throw you to the wolves" he says.

"You're lying this is not true" I say looking at this man who is supposed to be my father.

"I am so sorry" He says.

Why is he doing this, why is he telling us all this now when things are finally okay in our family.

I look at my mother hold her chest and Zweli get to her side.

"Mbuso ungibulele" she says struggling to breathe.

"Ma" Zweli says.

I am by her side in seconds helping Zweli.

"Mama breathe" I say using my hands to give her some air.

"Mangubane" my father says trying to help.

"Stay away from her you did this" Zweli says pushing him aside.

"Mama please" I plead.

I can't lose her not when I have just lost a father.

"Zweli call an ambulance" I say.

My mother has always been fragile but she has been able to hold her ground.

We drove to the hospital and the doctor told us they will be admitting her. Her breathing was shallow
and she looked pale.
She had a severe panic attack which could have led to a minor stroke had we not called the ambulance.

My father walks inside her ward and Zweli is quick to throw him out.

"Zweli wait" I say.

My father looks at me and I don't know what I am supposed to feel towards him.

"I love you but I will never forgive you. Now I know that it wasn't my fault it's not because you didn't
love me. But I also know that you didn't love me enough to go to the police,you weren't protecting me
or us you were a coward and chose yourself over me" I say.

"Nkanyezi.." I raise my hand up shaking my head.

"If you weren't greedy none of this would've happended" I look at my mother and wipe the tears. "If
anything happens to our mother just know I will never forgive you" I say.

"You sold me baba" I say this hurts more than I can explain.

Zweli holds me before I hit the ground.

"You are not welcome here" Zweli says.

"Everything is going to be okay I am here and I will protect you" he says.

I left the hospital an hour ago and parked in the middle lf nowhere,I think I cried till my head hurt and
the pain felt less.

I found myself at Melusi's door step all dried out from tears or maybe that's what I told myself.

He opened up and gave me the biggest hug ever.That what I needed and he gave me just that,he led me
into the house and just like that I was all over him.

I needed him to make me feel anything other than the pain I was feeling.

I wanted him to love me and tell me that he would never hurt me like my father did.

"Nkanyezi what's going" he asked pulling away.

I pulled him close giving him a wet sloppy kiss.

He pulled away and held both my hands.

"Baby what wrong I thought you wanted to wait" he said looking into my eye.

"What?you don't want me I am not attractive enough for you" I asked yanking my hands from his hold.

He looked at me shocked and slightly tilted his head

"I can tell something is something is wrong baby talk to me" he said calmly.

"You men are all the same" I said.

He tried pulling me into his arms but I fought him and pushed him away.

"You will love me and then hurt me in the process, you will hurt both me and my son and that's because
you're man" I said.

"I shouldn't have allowed you into my life or my heart" I said.

His face was already turning red and I wasn't yet done.

"Nkanyezi what are you saying" he asked.

"I don't love you and all my faith in men is lost" I said.

He shook his head.

"You're a good man but I am not the woman for you" I said turning on my heels.

He held my arms turning me to face me.

"Nkanyezi don't don't this to me please we can talk about this" he pleaded.

"You deserve someone who is worthy of your love not me" I said walking away.

I said all those things in the heat of the moment,I didn't mean none of them but there's so much going
on I don't know if I am coming or going. Melusi is too good to be dragged into my family mess or have
him resent ever looking my way.

I think I am losing my mind today, I should have been home with my son or beside my mother holding
her hand.

But I haven't done all that instead I am here hand in hand with Lwandle.

I am wearing a body hugging black dress with diamond sequences that has an open back as well as a slit
that goes all the way up my thigh.

This hotel is grand and glam it's out of this world,everyone looks like money and the place smells like
money to be honest.

"Thank you for coming here with me" Lwandle says.

I put up a smile and kiss his cheek.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world this is your night" I say.

I am hurting inside and when on of the waitresses passes by with a tray of champagne,I take two glasses
and gulp them down it taste bad but the bar seems far for me.

"Whoa when did you start drinking" he asks taking the glasses from me.
"I just need something to take shake the nerves off" I say.

He looks at me and gives me a side hug.

"I love you more for doing this for me" he says.

"Now tell me about these people" I say.

The place is highly secured but that's understandable seeing that it has all the big players of this country.
from the deputy president to high ranking politicians, officials you name them

Business tycoons and and mining moguls.

My eyes settle on this one man who who has been starring at us for the longest time since we got here.

"And who is that" I ask.

"Don't even look his way, you've never seen him he doesn't exist okay" Lwandle says.

I nod my head glancing at the guy only to find an empty chair.

"Let's mingle and who knows you might meet the right people" He says.

"You mingle I need the ladies and yes I will keep my phone on" I say.

He kisses my cheek and squeezes my hand.

I move over to the bar and order whisky neat no ice.

I pray on it and gulp it down faster than I said amen, now I know I made the right decision by abstaining
from alcohol this thing taste awful.

I order another glass and gulp it down before standing up, Lwandle looks like he's in his element and
everyone here thinks we are an item.

You see a family man is everything in these type of circles hence these man have steady homes
household, I mean who in their right mind would accuse a family man right. Take my father he's a
monster, murder and the gutting thing is that he used to or is still trafficking kids.

I make my way to the bathroom with the help of one of the waiter.

He looks nice shame and is kind enough to stand guard not far from the ladies.

I locate the nearest toilet and start throwing up.

I stand up and walk towards the basin. I look at myself in the mirror and laugh before rinsing my face.

I sink to the floor and silently cry holding my chest.

"Mam are you okay can I call your husband" My kind lad asks.

I am not okay I shouldn't even be here but I won't say that.

I stand up and fix myself taking one huge deep breathe then stepping out.
Poor guy comes to my rescue and helps me stand.

I shouldn't have bought that wine bottle now look at me embarrassing myself.

"I am going to be fine" I say.

"I will take it from here" Someone says.

"Sir I just can't .." he doesn't finish his sentence as he lift his eyes up.

"I am sorry sir" he says walking away.

I look up squinting my eyes for a better view.

"And you are" I ask.

"Msizi take Lilitha home I have to take care of this" he says giving the guy he's with some keys.

"And you are just going to walk away while he kidnaps me" I say.

Before I know it I am being swept up my feet and taken to a hotel room.

"You're bald" I say placing my hand on his head.

He clicks his tongue and I cant help giggle.

"I want to throw up" I say.

He puts me down and balances my hands on the toilet seat.

I throw up and get some on his shoes.

"Dammit" he says.

And the whole bathroom vibrates yikes that voice can turn a whole nun into a sinner.

He helps me up and I can't help but look at him.

He's the guy I was asking about and man he's dreamy and hot.

I tilt my head and look at him look at God blessing me with another hot man.

He lets go of me and with just one step I trip and fall flat on my arse.

It starts with a snif and ends up with a whole load of tears.

I don't think he knows what to do because he's just starring at me.

"Aren't you going to hold me" I say.

He looks at me and says nothing walking back to the bathroom.

"You're mean" I say standing up.

He comes back and lifts me up and places me inside the bath.

"This should help you calm down" he says pouring some over me.
I look at him and burp.

"I hope you are not the likes of Ted Bundy" I say.

I may be drunk but I can still run my mouth.

"Do I look like a serial killer to you" he asks.

"They don't go around with stamps on their foreheads stating that now do they" I say.

"I have never placed knifes over my aunts head while she was asleep" he says.

"Oh so you know about Ted" I say.

"Did you know that men are the most ruthless killers out there, and that most women who kill tend to
use poison works slow and no one would suspect them" I say

He goes silent on me and helps me out of the bath tub.

I could listen to him all day his voice has that deep hoarse yet mellow feel.

"Your hands are shaking" I say.

He backs away and allows me to stand on my own.

"You should get out of this or you will catch a cold" he says.

He stands behind me and helps me out of my dress his hands still shaking.

"Would you sell your daughter" I ask chuckling.

His hands stop on my waist and I am left closing my eyes.

He eventually moves them sliding the dress down.

I turn and look at him with tears in my eyes, I should be running for my life because of what I have been
through but I am glued to this man.

I can't see his face properly and when I catched his eyes they were the most beautiful thing,dark
mysterious and longing for something

"My name is Nkanyezi" I say.

"Nyota my shining star" he says.

I wish I could see him well but between the booze and tears he's just a man.

"Your name is Nyota in swahili" he says.

He reaches for a robe and helps me wear it.

"Nothing will ever be the same" I say.

"What's your name in case you kill me in my sleep and I want to remember you in the after life" I say.
"Mthandeni Sbopho Khanyile although I doubt you will remember it in the morning" he says placing me
on the bed.

"Ngwane" I say.

I close my eyes thinking about Melusi I miss him and I need his warm touch not this cold one.

.....

NKANYEZI

012

Last night felt like someone had opened all the windows and let the cold air in. It was cold and that
Khanyile man stood afar just looking at me.

I needed my man to hold me and tell me that everything was going to okay, I missed my son and wanted
his tiny hands on my face telliing me he loves me.

I know this probably doesn't make sense but I believe Uhuru is the only person that loves me
wholeheartedly. He is the only person that loves me with all my faults and that's enough for me.

I would rather live with his love than anyone else's.

Last night was the worst day of my life and to top it all I walked out on a man who loves me.

I am never touching alcohol ever again last night was the first and last time.

If something makes you throw up then it's definitely not for you.

I finally decide to open my eyes and see a note next to me. The shower is running meaning he is taking
one.

*Drink up* the note says.

The stuff looks gooey and disgusting but I gulp it down in one go.

"Your friend should be up any minute now" he says emerging from the bathroom door.

I look up and he is putting on his shirt his back facing me.

"Why did you help me" I ask.

He says nothing.

"Do you ever say more than five sentences in a conversation" I ask.

"I am not a man of many words but action" he says grabbing his jacket walking towards the door.
"Mthandeni" I say before he reaches the door.

"Yes" he says.

I think I want to borrow his voice and keep it as a souvenir.

"Thank you for taking care of me last night" I say.

He turns and looks at me.

"Have you ever been pricked by a rose" he asks making his way towards the bed.

I catch a whiff of his cologne and my senses become alive. I want his smell to linger the whole room and
have me float in it.

I swallow hard and look at him not breaking eye contact.

"No" I say

"Well it's a beautiful and delicate flower but it's one you should be careful of its torn, I once met a rose
and it pricked me and you know what I did in return" I shake my head.

"I tried to pluck it out and broke it in the process" he says.

"Now I walk around knowing I tainted and danced with mother nature" he says looking away.

I can't fault him in the way he looks, he is not light skinned nor is he too dark skinned. He was perfectly
dipped in all the right chocolate colours till the right brown shade came out.

His head is bald and his beard is nicely trimmed suiting him perfectly, his eyes are black and shiny
making them glimmer when they have tears.

He may have beautiful eyes and thick eye brows but they are cold and lack that warmth.

"You're a cold man" I say.

He frowns backing away.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way just that your aura is dark conflicted and cold" I say.

He walks away and closes the door behind him.

I am left confused that whole rose speech threw me off.

A few minutes after him the door opens and Lwandle walks in.

He gives a tight hug and pulls away.

"Why would you disappear like that" he asks.

"Nkanyezi what could be so bad you had to turn to alcohol, you don't drink so what happened" he asks.

"I need to call Melusi" I say.

He looks at me and shakes his head.

"Nkanyezi you can't sleep with that man and then want Melusi all of a suuden" he says.

"I didn't sleep with him what do you take me for" I say.

"I don't know Nkanyezi last night you were acting weird and now you wake up in another man's private
suite" He says.

"I wasn't myself okay but I didn't sleep with him" I say.

"Get yourself cleaned up I will call and ask him to come around" he says.

I nod getting out of the bed.

"Unqunu Nkanyezi seriously though what the hell and what if that man did something to you" he asks.

"Lwandle please call Melusi for me please" I say.

I get to the shower and take a cold one, its takes me longer than I had intended and partly because I
don't want to face the world.

Turning off the water and walking out means everything starts all over again.

I wrap a towel around me walking out.

"Hey" He says giving me a smile.

I bite my lip shrugging my shoulders.

"Come here" he says

"I am sorry" I say running into his arms.

Lwandle looks at me and nods walking out.

He holds me tight brushing my back.

"I called your brother and he told me everything" he says pulling away.

"Nyezi why didn't you tell me the truth" he asks.

I can't give him an answer. I was wrong, selfish and inconsiderate and I hurt him.

He looks around slightly nodding.

"You spent the night here" he says.

There's doubt in his voice and the look in his eyes isn't one that I like.

"Yes but nothing happened I promise" I say searching his eyes for some sign of him believing me.

"Nkanyezi do you love me" he asks.

I nod tears welling up.

"Yes I do" I say.

"Then stop pushing me away and allow me to carry this cross with you" he says.

"And what happens if you get tired of holding my hand" I ask.

"I can never get tired of holding your hand but what I will get tired off is you walking away from us. I
love you and I am here giving you my heart and everything on a silver plater do with them as you will"
he says.

"We don't walk away we talk things through okay and we fix them" he says.

"I didn't mean all those things" I say.

"I know because the Nkanyezi I saw last night was angry, broken, hurt and disappointed" he says pulling
me back into his arms.

"Maka Qiniso mina ngiyakuthanda" he says giving me a kiss.

"We should go home so I can run you a hot bath and make you something to eat and maybe we can go
visit your mother" he says.

"Thank you" I say.

"I think Lwandle bought you some clothes you should put them on" he says.

I look on the bed and its a bag with a pair of black tracksuits.

*These should be comfortable* the note says.

I crunch it and shove it back in the bag.

Melusi took me past the hospital to check on my mother and she's okay. The doctor said he is going to
keep her for a week to monitor her condition.

I am just glad that everything is okay.

My father has been calling but I don't have the strength to answer any of his calls.

Lwandle told Lwazi everything that took place and how I chose to spend the night with a stranger.

"Really you slept with someone else" she says.

"Nolwazi I didn't sleep with him" I say.

she looks at me and reaches for my hand.

"I know things are hard but we are going to be okay, you are going to be okay and just allow Melusi to
love you he's really a good person" she says.

"I know" I say.

"Now go be with your man" she says.

Melusi is in my bedroom he didn't want to leave me alone although I told him Lwazi was around.

"I really messed up with you know" I say.

"We all make mistakes and yours was being impulsive and taking out all your anger on the wrong
person" she says.

I nod looking at Qiniso who is smiling.

"You have been looking at him for quite a while now what's going on" she asks.

"I don't know" I say still looking at him.

Seeing him feels like dejavu like I have seen hin before, but here's the thing I am so used to seeing him
but today feels different.

I move closer and join him on the floor.

"What did you do today" I ask.

"Aunty Lwazi took me to the park and for ice cream" he says.

"Did you have fun" I ask.

He nods with smile on his face and wraps his arms around me.

"I love you mommy" he says.

"I love you my boy" I say holding him.

"Lwazi you guys are leaving right" I say.

She gives me a look and laughs.

"Qiniso my boy come tonight we're sleeping at my place" she says

"Can I say goodbye to Khaya's dad" he says standing up.

I look at Lwazi here I was thinking we are keeping things low key.

"You can see him tomorrow okay" he nods going to his room.

I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body,Melusi cooked and the man is really good in
the kitchen.

I walk out of the bathroom and find him sitting on the egde of the bed.

He seems miles away or maybe he's just thinking if I am worthy of all the trouble.

I slowly make my way to him and kneel down holding his hand.

He looks up and smiles taking a deep breath.

"I know what I did was hurtful but I am worth it. I am worth you believing in me and us" I say kissing his
hand.

"I don't want to lose you" he says helping me up.

"I am a mess but atleast a beautiful one" I say.

He laughs showing off his beautiful smile making me smile.

He leans for a kiss and soon things get heated when he picks me up. I have my legs wrapped around his
waists rubbing myself on him.

Melusi taught me how to trust him and he learned how my body reacts to his touch.

We built trust and respect first before anything else,and that's why giving myself to him feels so natural

He places me on the bed and catches his breath.

"Are you sure" he asks whispering.

I nod pulling him for a kiss pulling his top.

He gently runs his hands up and down my thighs before taking off the towel.

"You're beautiful" he says leaving wet kisses all the way down to my stomach.

I close my eyes thinking of him and only him.

His mouth finally reaches my pussy lips.I feel his warm breath blow me before his lips devour and eat
the life out of me.

Lwazi once talked about this but I didn't know it was really this good.

I place my hands on his head moaning his name louder than I should.

I feel myself let loose and this need to pee consumes me.

"Let go sthandwa sam" he says removing his tongue from my hole to my clit.

He comes up with a smile of satisfaction on his face and I can't even look at him.

"Look at me" he says.

I peek through my fingers and look at him.

That was mind blowing and I want more of it.

Lwazi is such a hoe for not telling me about this trust her to keep the good things to herself.

We are left naked and longing for each other,he kisses my neck having his hand on my waist.

He positions himself entwining our hands, he kisses me again and smiles.

"I love you" he says.

He rubs himself on my entrance letting out this deep moan.

He slowly thrusts pushing himself in tearing me.

"Melusi" I say feeling the pain.

I dig my nails on his back.

He kisses my forehead fulling thrusting in.

I feel walls accommodating his cock.

He starts moving slowly till we both find the rhythm.

He looks at me while making love to me,He gives it to me slowly stroking and thrusting and sharing a
wet sloppy kiss in between.

I don't want this to stop him being on top of me,he moves his waist side ways making pull the sheets so
close.

He pulls out just as I am about to explode and rubs his cock on my clit before sliding it back inside.

I clasp my legs closing him in and meeting his each stroke and thrust.

"I love you Nkanyezi" he says kissing me.

Last night was just beautiful and I woke up to flowers next to me and the most loving and carrying man
in this world.

He held me all night making feel safe in his arms.

"I want us to tell the kids about us its long overdue" I say.

He pulls me close to his chest.

"How about we have a picnic take them out and tell them" he suggests.

"As long as I will be doing it with you by my side" I say giving him a kiss.

"You cheat I murder you" I say.

he laughs pulling away to look at me properly.

"Baby sex shouldn't make you crazy" he says.

"I think it's the way you handled me" I say perking his lips.

He gets off the bed and pick me up walking with me all the way to the kitchen. Its a good thing his t shirt
covers me up decently.

"Breakfast" he says putting me down.

I look at the table and it's a full spread, Melusi had the time to buy me flowers and still prepare
breakfast for us Lord your son wants me to pay Lobola for him.

"I didn't want you standing up making breakfast in your condition" He says with a mischievous smile on
his face.

"I don't know what to say" I say giving him a kiss

"Mhmm hold that thought" he says making his way to the door.

People should learn to stay in their homes especially early in the morning.

He comes back totally a different person,I look behind him and my heart starts racing.

Melusi moves over and holds my waist.

"Morning" He says.

"I see koti lami is not a morning person" he says.

I am lost for words what is this man doing in my house and the nerve to call me his daughter in law.

"I am not sure if we've been properly introduced Zothile Khanyile Nkanyezi's father in law and
grandfather to her son" he says.

I feel faint almost losing my balance but Melusi holds me steadily.

The surname Khanyile I met a certain Khanyile yesterday and the odds of them being related are slim
right.

I want to say that man's name but I am afraid of what this old crazy man might say.

"What" Melusi says.

I am as much shocked as he is.

"I don't know what you talking about please leave" I say not even recognising my own voice.

It can't be that I with him all night and I didn't realise.

He looks around then looks at Melusi shaking his head.

"Nc nc nc nc Sibiya omncane stay away" he says before walking away.

I look at Melusi and the confusion on his face.

"I need to leave I need to get away from that man" I say.

If this means running away then so be it

.......

NKANYEZI
013

A week ago I was packed ready to leave everything behind and start over somewhere. I was ready to
leave my life, family, work and friends behind but Melusi talked me out of it.

He's afraid of losing me that he will do the most craziest thing ever and that is keeping me here.

I had to tell him everything about that night and and the look he gave me is one I will never forget.

I too am sorely disappointed and disgusted by myself, he touched me and I allowed him too. He held me
and took in every scent of me as much as he could and I still couldn't tell. He saw me naked and
probably lusted away and I didn't know.

Yes I didn't see his face that night but I was supposed to recognise his touch the moment he ran his
hands on me.

My mother says it must have been the alcohol or my mind just didn't want to go back there.

"Udungeke umqondo thats all" she said.

But the heart sinking feeling is that maybe I loved it when he ran his hands down my thighs. That's how
sick I am I enjoyed being touched by that man and I am so angry at myself. I hate that by closing my eyes
I see him and feel him he's everywhere.

Melusi says I shouldn't beat myself up for it, but he doesn't understand its hard knowing that now I can
put a face to that monster.

I was okay not knowing who he was because then I could walk by the street just wondering, now I will
live in fear knowing his face might pop up in the crowd.

Pearl says this is still my healing journey the only difference is that it's no longer on my terms.

I should have been asleep by now but I decided to stay with Uhuru and just look at him. He looks like his
rapist of a father and that beautiful charming smile of his he got from him.

My son has that old crazy man's genes and there's nothing I can do about it.

I dread telling him the truth, am I even supposed to tell him or should I just suger coat things.

I kiss him on the forehead and tuck him well walking out.

I see the light and hear voices come out of Melusi's study. I walk up to his study and stop when I hear his
father shouting at him.

I hear the creaking sound of the door and their voices lower down.

"I have guests baba please lower your voice" Melusi says.
"Melusi I am your father so please hear me out" His father says.

"I won't throw her to the wolves I am sorry" Melusi says.

"This is not your fight to fight just stay away from the girl please" his father says.

"Baba I love Nkanyezi and she loves me too for the longest time I have someone who loves me for me
and not for the money or status. Nkanyezi is genuine kind and the most loving person I know" he says.

I can't believe he's defending me to his father.

"But she's not worth you losing your life, she's not worth me losing my son think about your son" his
father says.

"I have thought about all that and I am going to stand by her side" he says sternly.

"Melusi she's a curse a bloody curse for ever having a Khanyile look her way, she will drown and she will
take you down with her" his father says.

I silently gasp upon hearing him call me a curse, I know he's trying to protect his son but to go as far as
calling me that.

"Walk away from her and find someone else she will never be yours, If she's really Mthandeni's she will
never leave that house on her accord but in a coffin" tears well up and spill.

What have I done to deserve such a thing.

"Have you ever loved someone baba and wanted nothing but to protect them, she never asked for this
so why should I leave for something she has no control over" Melusi says.

"You are my son and I love you but the truth is even I can't protect you from Zothile,that man is
powerful his hand reaches everywhere and you are stepping on toes. Melusi get back together with
Sbahle uhlukane nabafazi babantu please" his father says.

I tiptoe back to our bedroom I have heard enough.

What am I doing? Who am I fooling his father is right being here will only put Melusi's life and Khaya's in
danger.

I should pack my things and get back to my place or just hide home, better the devil you know than the
one you don't that being my dad.

He comes to bed after an hour smelling of his expensive cognac, he kisses my neck and snuggles up
against me.

Something feels different and I know he knows it too, I know he's having doubts about us and the
decisions he's been taking lately.

"Baby" he says.

I pretend to be asleep and throw in a little snore to the mix.

"I love you and I am never letting you go. I wish I was there to love and protect you and maybe none of
this would have happened" he says.

"I won't let them break you again it's not fair" his voice keeps breaking.

I let my own tears fall wetting the pillow.

"I just don't know what to do" he says breaking down.

I should let him go and spare him the pain, that's the right to do right but I can't it's hard.

He eventually falls asleep giving me time to look at him and kiss him in his sleep.

He's a perfect gentleman and yes he deserves better than me.

It's funny how my mind agrees with everything his father said but my heart refuses to listen.

Tomorrow I am meeting up with my family and the Khanyile's.

I don't know what's going to happen but it's time things got sorted out.

I will be facing my demons and putting them to rest.

I lay my head of his head and pray we make it out of this stronger.

Today feels like what any judgement day would feel like, be it the heaven and hell judgement day where
you anxiously await your punishment. To burn for eternity or to have the afterlife either way your
nerves are shot as a circuit.

I dropped off Uhuru at my place and and asked Lwazi to look after him, I have inconvenienced my
friends for so long it feels like I am taking advantage.

I didn't want to leave my son at Melusi's house, his family is around and let's just say his sisters didn't
show any signs of love.

Let's just say now I know why some people are called cows.

They didn't fall short of letting me know how I am not good enough for their brother, his mother is kind
just like him. But I didn't want my son hearing things he shouldn't.

I still don't know how to feel about my father.

I have been sitting here with my brother just looking at my mother's flowers, I should water them one of
these days but I fear they might wither away.

"I am sorry" Zweli says.

He keeps blaming himself for what's happening.

"It's not your fault" I say.

"If I didn't go looking for you then we wouldn't be here" he says bringing me into his arms.
"This was going to happen either way, Uhuru would have grown up and started seeking his family" I say.

"How are you feeling have you told him about all this" he asks.

Dr Pearl is the only person who has asked me this question.

"I don't know and I haven't told him anything but he does ask what's going on, why can't we go home" I
say.

"I am sorry that you're going through this" he says.

"Maybe this is how my life should be" I say forcing a smile.

"Don't you ever say that okay" he says.

We sit there and till mama calls us inside.

Things between her and my father will never be the same, it's hard seeing her like this because my
father is the only man she has ever known.

She doesn't look at him the same anymore.

We all settle down and to my surprise Mr Khanyile is alone.

"Angeke silokhu sigudla iguma we all know why we are here" he says looking at my father.

"Zothile how can you still set your foot here knowing what you did to my daughter what kind of devil are
you" My mother asks.

"I believe you should take that up with you husband" he says still looking at my father.

"Zothile I believe I have paid my debt over the years" my father says.

"That's where you are sorely mistaken you killed my brother and stole from me and we had a deal" he
says getting impatient.

"You had my daughter raped in my own house Zothile and that is unforgivable" my father says.

"And you think lying to me and killing my brother is forgivable Mbuso don't mess with me, you know we
pay our debts and it's time to pay yours" he says.

"Either she marries Mthandeni as per say or we take my grandson" he says.

"Ma" I say.

"You can't do that you don't have a grandson or any claims over Uhure" Zweli says.

He smiles clearly amused.

"Oh but i do and your daughter carried him for full nine months" he says with a smile

"Zothile please don't do this you can't take my grandson please" Ma begs.

"You and your monster son will rot in jail before you get my son" I say.
"Mbuso I see you haven't schooled your children how disappointing" he says.

"Baba please do something he can't take him away right" I say.

"Take everything and spare Nkanyezi" my father says.

"Baba we don't owe this man anything he should leave us alone" Zweli says.

"Watch your tone boy" he says turning to look at my father. "I have everything I want you of all people
know that" he says standing up.

"We are family and family looks out for each other" he says.

"I will not let you come near my son" I say standing up.

"Try me and you will come second best and I will take him away from you in the worst and most painful
way" he says.

"Mangubane teach your daughter some manners and Mbuso get your house in order" he says walking
away.

That man has no soul whatsoever.

"Mama he wants to take my son away from me" I say looking at my father.

Tears spill uncontrollably I just can't help it.

"You did this you sold me and my son. How could you do this to me baba" he looks at me and wipes her
tears.

"I am sorry" he says.

My mother helps me to my room.

I had a nap before driving home and to see Uhuru. I thanked Lwazi for her help and told her she could go
home.

She insisted on staying and we called Lwandle to come over.

I was supposed to go back to Melusi's house and see Khaya but I just couldn't, not in the mood I am in.

"What do I do" I ask looking at Lwazi.

"We fight for him Qiniso is ours and they won't take him away from us" she says.

"Anything you need I will be next to you" Lwandle says.

"I am sacred what about Melusi huh what about my life" I say with hiccups and snorts.

"We can run and they will never find us" Lwazi says wiping her tears.

"I was the first person to hold him after you he is mine as much as he is yours" I pull her in for a hug
embracing her.

Lwazi is Qiniso's second mother and this is tearing her apart.

A knock comes through and Lwandle gets up to get the door.

He comes back looking like he's seen a ghost.

"Nyezi" he says looking behind him.

"Phuma" Lwazi says charging at him.

I can't believe he's here standing in front of me,I had dreams about this day and in my my dreams I
would repeatedly stab him ro death.

Lwandle holds her from doing anything.

"Calm down" he says.

I start shivering and let the tears fall.

"You see what you have done leave you are not welcome here" Lwazi says.

I am tongue tied I don't know what to say.

He makes his way towards me and stops right before me.

Now that I can put a face to that night it all comes back, me begging him to stop pleading with him but
he didn't stop still I heard him groan and growl ontop of me.

"I am sorry" he says.

I look up and there's no emotion in his eyes he's not sorry.

He's a monster just like his father.

"You didn't stop, I said I was sorry but you didn't stop" I say.

It feels like it's just the two of us here like I am back to my old room scared and alone.

"Msizi" he calls out.

Msizi walks in and stands next to him.

"Please escort these ladies" he says looking at Lwandle and Lwazi.

They protest but Msizi walks them out.

I am silently praying Uhuru doesn't come out of his room.

"You forced yourself on me" I say

He looks at me and takes a few steps towards me, I back away taking a few steps till I reach the kitchen
counter and grab the kitchen scissors.

"Stay away" I say pointing them at him.

"Mnyamande I .."

"Don't you dare call me that uyangizwa" I say hands trembling.

"You don't know what you did to me, you're a monster an evil man who ruined my life and now you
want to take my life away from me" I say shaking my head.

I don't even think he knows why he's here in the first place.

"My s.. so.. son" He says.

Hearing him call Uhuru his son infuriates the hell out of me.

I charge towards him aiming for his chest but he holds both my hands causing me to crash into his very
chest.

"You don't have son you will never have a son" I shout.

"Mama leave my mommy alone" Uhuru says coming to my rescue.

He let's go of me and looks at Uhuru his eyes glimmering with tears.

He looks at me then back at Uhuru backing away.

"He's is not your son he's mine and I will kill you if come anywhere near us ever again" I say.

"Mama why are you crying" he asks on the verge of crying himself.

I lift him up and and hold him tight.

......

NKANYEZI

014

Things are spiralling out of control and I don't know what to do. The thought of taking my own life
crossed my mind.

After Mthandeni left I sank down to the floor and held my son like it was the last time.

I cried when he cried, even through he tried wiping my tears and I tried stopping myself from crying I
just couldn't.
Uhuru saw me in a state I wish he never sees me in.

He's so young he doesn't understand what's going all he wants to see Khaya and his Dad.

I also felt bad that he kicked my friends out the nerve of that man.

Mama moved into my place the afternoon I came back from the police station. I was beside myself and
thats when I thought maybe if I slit my wrists things would be better.

What happened is that Melusi and Zweli accompanied me to the station to lay a charge against
Mthandeni Khanyile.

I was specifically directed to the station captain or is it commissioner. Seeing that my case happened a
long time I was asked to give a statement and they told me that it would take time and be hard to
convict my perpetrator.

Well that was before I told them who raped me and the whole police station came to a stand still.

I was asked what took me so long so come and report? Am I sure it wasn't consensual seeing that I have
child with my "Alleged perpetrator".

Am I sure that we were not in a relationship and this is my way of retaliation.

Do I know who I am pressing charges against. These are the types of questions I was asked and they
made me feel like I had done something wrong.

A week after me pressing charges I received a letter from the children's court Mthandeni is suing me for
full custody of my son.

"I told you I would take him away just to teach you a lesson" A message followed soon after

It turns out his father is friends with the station commander, you didn't see me walking back into that
police precinct to drop all charges.

Do I believe in the justice system I don't know anymore.

All I know is they can never protect me from that man. I can finally say I have seen the devil with my
own eyes and he name is Zothile Khanyile.

Lwandle agreed to help me with the case and that's my main focus right now.

I have been talking to my mother about Melusi and what to do.

I don't want to put him in a difficult position already things are hard between us.

He can't deal with the fact that there's another man after me,infact that drives him crazy and the worst
part is that his father's words keep coming back to me.

"She will drown and she will take you down with her

She's a bloody curse for ever having a Khanyile look her way" he said.
"Nyezi let him go this isn't good for either one of you" she says.

"But mama he loves me and I love him too" I say.

"But sometimes love isn't enough" she says.

"By being with this boy you are putting his life in danger think about his son" she says.

I look at her and shake my head

"Now you're starting to sound like Melusi's father" I say.

"You know I am right nothing good will come out of this" she says.

"I know it hurts but if anything were to happen to him you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself" she
says.

I know she right but I can't keep hurting Melusi like this.

He said we would come out of this stronger and I choose to believe him.

"I love you Nkanyezi more than you will ever know and I am fighting this with you but don't be selfish
and risk that boy's life" she says.

"I would die for you should the time come because you my baby girl" she says reaching for hand.

"I love you mama" I say.

"I love you too" she says smiling.

A knock comes through and I have to get up and get it.

"Hello my name is Sthandile Khanyile I am looking for Nkanyezi Thwala" she says stil standing at the
door.

"Let her in" Ma says behind me.

"I don't want these people in my house mama" I say.

"He is sending his wife now to intimidate me" I say.

"That's his sister" Ma says.

I look at her and there's some resemblance.

I move aside making way for her to come through.

We all settle down and the young lady also has a teddy bear in her hand.

"I should have called but I don't have your numbers" she says.

"Sthandile does your father know that you are here" Ma asks.
"No but my brother does, I don't know why but he didn't want to come but he's the one who gave me
the address" she says looking around.

"You have a lovely home" she says.

Oh yes like a true princess had throw a compliment.

"How can we help you what do you want in my house" I ask.

She looks shocked and looks at my mother for a save.

"I don't know" she says shrugging her shoulders.

"Sthandile I think you should go now is not a good time" Ma says.

"I know my brother can be hard headed but he doesn't mean too. He told me about Uhuru and I
couldn't stay away I wanted to bring him this" she says.

I don't think she knows half of the story.

"Nyezi let her see the child" Ma says.

I call Qiniso to come join us and the look on Sthandile's face makes melts my heart.

"He's grown up and he looks like bhuti Mtha so much" she says standing up.

Uhuru clings on to me looking confused,I go down to his level and give him the biggest smile ever.

"Uhuru remember when mommy told you that we are going to lots and lots of people in our lives" He
nods.

"Well don't be afraid okay this is Aunty Sthandile and she's going to be on our lives" I say.

Ma looks at me nodding her head with a smile.

"Is she going to be my second mommy like Aunty Lwazi" he asks.

"She's just your aunt my baby and she brought you a gift" I say.

"So she's not a stranger" he asks tilting his head.

"No" I say.

He turns and looks at Sthandile.

"My name is Qiniso Uhuru Thwala and I am five years old" he says extending his hand.

I am so proud

"Five" Sthandile say with a smile.

"Yes I am this many" he say raising up his tiny hand.

"I brought you a gift I hope you like it" she says giving him the bear.

He looks at me and I can't afford to the party poop.

He takes the bear and shows it to my mother.

"Thank you" he say giving her a hug.

She's warm and happy total opposite of her father and brother.

I bet she lives in her own happy bubble and no one is ready to burst it,her family is just like mine ridden
with secrets.

I thought things were slowing down but I was just fooling myself. Lwandle lost out of being partner since
he took up my case.

I know how much that meant to him but he's still willing to go all the way and fight this with me.

But I begged him to stop fighting for me it's not fair.

Ma took Qiniso to the park and I called Mthandeni to come so we could talk.

I hate him but that doesn't take away the fact that he's still Uhuru's father.

He looks around but doesn't dare look me in the face.

My phone rings and I have no choice but to get it.

"My love" I say.

Mthandeni looks at me clenching his jaws.

"How are you I miss you so much" Melusi says.

I smiles comes out to play.

"I miss you too" I say looking at Mthandeni.

"Uhm baby can I call you back later I am in a middle of something" I say.

"Okay ngiyakuthanda Nkanyezi" he says.

"Ngiyakuthanda nam Sotobe and I will see you later okay" I say ending the call.

He looks at me and smiles

"Nc nc nc you love him and you're sure he loves you too" he says.

"What do you want from me" I ask.

"Marry me thats all" he says moving closer to me.

"And if I don't then what" I ask.

He rubs his forehead and sighs.

"Mnyamande I am sorry" he says softly making me look up.

His eyes are glistening with tears while he forces a smile.

"I am so sorry for ever hurting you" he says biting his lower lip.

"Marry me or my father will never stop" he say whispering in my ear.

"I don't want to marry you" I say.

"The give me my son" he says.

"You don't have a claim over him" I say swallowing hard.

He breathes in and out heavily his warm breathe hitting my neck.

I can't seem to move my body is stuck in this place.

"I will never forgive myself what I did to you,your screams wake me up at night and your cry is what
torments me even in broad day light" he says.

"I am not asking you to love me or give yourself to me" he says.

"Don't make me take away please" he says.

"I will die before I let you raise him or even see him,your father may pull all his stunts but no court in
hell with grant a rapist custody" I say backing away.

He looks at me and smiles nodding his head.

"Then have it your way" he says walking away.

Melusi said he would look for a lawyer that will take my case and win it.

If this fails I have two choices either I marry him and kill him in his sleep or I lose my son.

.....

NKANYEZI

015

Having a boss that understand is probably the greatest thing ever. I spoke with the school principal and
he was kind enough to give me as much time as I need.
I though I could do this but I can't nothing makes sense and everyone around me seems to be facing
some man made difficulties.

I can't carry on being selfish not after what happened in court.

The first day the matter was being brought before the court and that was it, we were given another date
and that was when I realised that Zothile meant what he said about taking my boy away from me.

I was ready for the battle I tried my best and gave it my all but when Lwazi was called to the stand. I
couldn't believe it they used my own bestfriend to bring me down.

The presiding officer (Judge) is a woman and I thought maybe she would side with me,I know that
sounds stupid but I had hoped.

I couldn't believe my eyes when she took to the stand and swore to tell the truth and nothing but.

I looked at Mthandeni's lawyer standing up and approaching Lwazi.

"Miss Mthembu is that correct" He asked looking at Lwazi.

"Yes sir" she said swallowing hard.

"What's going on" I asked my lawyer.

"Calm down she's a witness" he said.

"Your witness Mr Ndlovu" the presiding officer said.

"How long have you known miss Thwala" the lawyer asked.

"For nine years now" she said.

"And you can say you know her better than anyone right" he said.

"Yes" Lwazi said looking my way.

"Is it true that miss Thwala tried on many accounts to terminate her pregnancy" he asked.

"He can't ask that can he " I asked my lawyer.

"Objection" Nkosi said partially standing up.

"Overruled carry on" the presiding officer said.

"Nkanyezi he's trying to discredit your character as a mother" Nkosi said.

Lwazi looked at me then back at the judge.

"Miss Mthembu please answer the question" the presiding officer said.

"Yes" Lwazi said before mouthing a sorry.

"That will be all thank you miss Mthembu" the lawyer said.

"Your honour may I please call miss Thwala to the stand "
I have never seen court proceedings before and this was my first time.

I took the stand and my was the first to cross examine me.

"Miss Thwala if I may ask who is the primary giver of the child in question" Nkosi asked.

"I am" I said.

"Do you love your son" the lawyer asked.

"What type of a question is that" I asked.

"Miss Thwala please answer the question" the presiding officer said.

"Yes I love him" I said.

"Yet you wanted to kill him and not once but twice" he said getting closer to me.

"That's not true I love my son and I was still young and not thinking straight" I said shouting.

"Mr Nkosi please calm your client down" The presiding officer said.

"I apologise your honour my client is just not usued to being on the stand" Nkosi said looking at me

"Your honour this woman deprived my client years in their child's life. She tried to kill the child in
question countless times,she's not financially fit to look after the child and my client on the other hand
has more than enough resources to take care of the child.

The child will grow up in a warm loving home which this woman hasn't been able to provide." He said
arrogantly.

"That's bullshit I love my son, I provide for him and you can't take him away from me. Tell them why I
didn't tell you about him tell them that you raped me you sick bastard" I said looking at Mthandeni.

I could see his mother's tears falling.

"Miss Thwala this isn't the brothel or the street" The woman said looking at with her glasses handing on
her nose.

"As you can see your honour miss Thwala is not stable and is a danger to herself and those around her"
the lawyer said.

"Objection that's hearsay" Nkosi said.

"Ndlovu get to the point" She said in a bores tone.

"This woman tried to kill herself and her own child now will the court allow such a woman to raise a
child" the lawyer said.

"That's a lie please don't take my son away from me,this man is a monster and a walking devil. He raped
me surely you won't give him custody of my son" I said already in tears.

"Mr Nkosi your clisn't is being disruptive" she said.

"My apologise" Nkosi said.

Mthandeni's lawyer moped the floor with me and made sure I lookes like crazy.

Nkosi tried his best to make me lool good after that stunt but my emotions were all over the place. I
cried most of the time and my mother was also crying.

It was a nightmare from hell.

The door opens and Melusi walks in.

"You're not dressed yet" he says settling next to me.

Today is the last day of court and we get to hear what the judge says..

"If you don't get ready we will be late" he says helping me up.

"I don't want to go" I say looking at him.

"I know you don't but we need to do this" he says.

I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss me.

He responds but eventually pulls away.

"We can't do this" he says.

"Just a little while we won't be long" I say.

"You can't use sex as a coping mechanism" he says.

"Melusi" I say.

"That's all you've been doing sex and we both know the feeling is only temporary, I don't want you doing
this" he says.

I nod standing up. He's right lately I have been using him as a coping mechanism and wanting the sex as
rough at it can be.

I get ready with his help and pray the day doesn't end up with me in the hospital or in prison.

We get court and the Khanyile's are here except for Sthandile. Now that we are here I regret ever taking
them on.

I should have ran while I still could or maybe taken up his marriage proposal.

I am scared but my mother has been holding my hand. I have the biggest support from my family and
friends its amazing.

I don't think I have ever hated a man like I hate Zothile, even my hatred for Mthandeni doesn't go this
deep.

Both lawyers say close the arguments and say their prayers.
Mthandeni is portrayed as this good man and a good example to the public, while I am said to be bitter
and crazy and the worse part being that I hate Uhuru.

"With all that has been said and presented before the court. I have taken to consideration all the
arguments and evidence provided. I believe it's in the best interest of the child to be with a more stable
parent, who will provide financially as well as emotionally. The father of the child lost out on the primary
years of the child but it is not too late to be part of the child's life.

Although the father hasn't established a relationship with the child its of out most important he does.

The court here by awards Mthandeni Khanyile full custody of the child and visitation rights to the
mother Nkanyezi Thwala provided these visits are supervised" she says clearing her throat.

"No no you can't do that, he bought right that's why you giving them my son"I say shouting.

"Miss Thwala don't make me throw you out of my courtroom" she says.

"Nkanyezi please" my mother says.

I look at Zothile who is smiling proudly.

"You will die a slow painful death and I will be there to watch" I say.

Melusi holds me tight while the judge carries on and on about her judgement...

I think my heart just got ripped into two and it hurts.

I walk out in the middle of her ruling and head to the car.

Melusi comes after me and gets into the drivers seat driving off.

"I am sorry" he says taking my hand into his.

"Nkanyezi" he says softly.

I can't say anything because I am afraid of breaking down to a point of no return.

He drives till we reach the park just the place I wanted to go to.

"Its so peaceful out here" I say taking in the dry clear air..

"We can appeal the decision" he says.

I look at him and bite my lip.

I can't keep doing this not after today.

Everyone was right he deserves better and he needs to be alive for his child.

"I love you but I also need you alive and happy" I say.

"I am not hearing this not today" he says.

"Its the truth and we have to face It, this won't end well and I am done being selfish with you. I am
letting you go" I say.
He uses his hand to rub his forehead shaking his head.

"Nkanyezi don't do this to me what about Khaya" he asks.

I wipe his tears and take his hand.

"I am thinking of him and by letting you go that means him having a father and more quality time with
you" I say.

"We can run and I will protect you" he says.

"No I want you to stop fighting for me its no longer your fight. I love you so much more than you will
ever know. Thank you for everything you have done for me, I will never forget any of them" I say.

"You can't give up on us not like this" he says.

I shake my head preparing myself for what I am about to say. It's hard because I love him being with him
feels right in so many ways.

"Its over and I am going to marry Mthandeni" I say.

The hurt in his eyes says I have broken him.

"Nkanyezi please" he says begging me.

"Take care of yourself Sotobe" I say standing up kissing his cheek.

"I will wait for you not matter how long it takes" he says.

He's hurt but I know he means every word because that's the kind of man he is true to his word.

Today is friday making this a week after the ruling and Uhuru didn't go to school, it's not like he's missing
anything important by staying home.

He has been asking if we can go back to Melusi's so he can play with Khaya.

He doesn't understand why I am constantly crying my eyes out and always hogging him.

I call him to seat next to me on the cough and kiss him all over his face..

"Mama" he says wiping his face off.

"Can we talk" I say.

He nods with a curious look on his face.

"Mommy has something to tell you" I say.

"Are we having a new baby" he asks excited.

"What no but I have something big to tell you" I say.

"Remember when mommy said you only have me because you don't have a daddy" he nods although I
am not sure if he gets me.

"Well mommy didn't tell the truth" I say.

He frowns blinking.

"But mommy always says telling a lie is wrong" he says.

"I know and I am sorry" I say.

"What would you say if I told you that you have a dad, a real one that loves you just like I do and he
wants to meet you" I say.

He jumps up excitedly giving me a hug.

"We both have dad's" he says.

"Yes we do and your daddy want to meet you and you know what's supper cool" I ask.

"What" he says.

"You look like him" I say.

He squeezes my neck giggling.

My father hasn't heard from Zothile and I couldn't care less because he's not welcomed into this house
or anywhere near us.

A knock comes through the making me stand to go get it.

I have been avoiding everyone lately including their phone calls.

I open the door and find Msizo togetgt with Zothile and some lady.

I know that's not Mthandeni's mother, I try closing the door in their faces but Msizi uses his foot to block
it from closing..

"You are not welcome here" I say.

"We come in peace" Zothile says.

"Lalela khehla ndini this is my house now leave" I say.

He looks at me and the expression on his face changes.

"I believe the time we gave you to spend with him is enough" he says.

"Time what are you talking about" I ask.

"I am here to fetch the boy and take him home" he says.
I look at Uhuru then back at Zothile. I find myself begging him even though I said I would never do it.

"Zipho thathi ingane" he says to the young lady they are with.

She pulls a clingy Uhuru off me taking him away.

"No please I will do anything just don't take him" I say.

"Mama" Uhuru says fighting to get back to me.

"Msizi take them to the car" Zothile says.

I sink to the floor sobbing.

"I hope this teaches you a lesson which is obedience and knowing your place" he says walking away.

"He hasn't eaten" I say before reaches the door

He shuts the door behind him. I can't even thrash the place so I just remain on the floor crying for my
son.

I didn't hear the door open or him coming in. I was still in a daze when he picked me up from the floor
and put me on the couch and wiped my tears.

He takes one of the blankets and covers me up with it walking away.

How can a handsome man like him be so cruel and cold.

"He hates sleeping alone so you will have to keep him company till he falls asleep.

He takes his milk warm with a dash of honey.

Don't call him baby he really hates that.

If he wakes up in the middle of the night then you have no choice but read and stay with him" I say.

"Would you believe me if I said I am truly sorry for everything" he says.

The tone of his voice is gentler.

"I will marry you" I say.

"But one day you will be at my mercy and I will kill you" I say.

"Mnyamande" he says walking away.

....

Till we meet on Monday

Any errors I will fix

NKANYEZI

016

I never thought one person could be broken down like this for real. I have always seen these things
happen in the movies,heard about them in a taxi or just passsing by of women being treated like trash
and cast aside

Women being told what to do and dismissed all because we are too emotional.

You know what I used to do pray for them but most of all I used to tell myself that it would never be me.
That I wouldn't allow these men to trample over me, but look at me now scared and intimidated.

Who would have thought, I am at the mercy of these people being held at ransom.

I am a mother first above anything else and I vowed to protect my son but I failed him, they took him
and it hurts.

This is longest I have been away from him, this weekend was pretty tough. Alas I cried all Friday night
wanting only my son.

I know he's not dead and I shouldn't be crying like this, but he's away from home and me the only things
he knows.

How can Zothile take my child away from like that, how can that man be so cruel.

I heared that he owns people and that almost everyone is in his pocket. I also heard through the
vineyards that he has one of the most powerful and dangerous healers by his side.

The devil has nothing on this man and he should just sit down and take notes.

My father begged me to marry him after he had tried talking to Zothile,he said the man wouldn't
hesitate hurting me.

Men like Zothile love to instill fear and discipline in people,consume ownership and control of their lives
and I hate him.

See that's what he's done with me bought me, instilled fear and disciplined me by taking my child away.

He feeds of people's fears and that's what makes him a monster.

My son is under the same roof as that man, that thought alone is what drove me insane and caused the
tears to keep falling.

I said I would marry into that family and be Mthandeni Sbopho Khanyile's wife.

I think that's why I cried throughout the weekend know, by marrying into that family I am walking inside
the Lion's den.
My mother was here and so was Lwazi and Lwandle to comfort me. But I would be lying if I said I didn't
get through this weekend without the help of Melusi.

He spent his entire weekend making me feel good making love to me.

I know we shouldn't have gone far but we couldn't help it.

I was hurting and he was making it feel all better.

I was in his arms my legs wide open for him to thrust in and deep stroke to his desire.

I am being selfish for wanting him even though I shouldn't, but my mother used to say love always
prevails that love conquers so why can't it win now.

"Sthandwa sami I have to go" he says kissing my neck.

I turn to face him and come to see his beautiful perfect smile.

This caramel is sure tasty and darn handsome.

"Do you have too" I ask.

"I have back to back meetings and I need to make up for the weekend" he says.

"I understand and thank you for coming over" I say.

He kisses my forehhead and just looks at me.

"I am glad you didn't throw me out when I showed up at your door step" he says.

"I am glad you came for me" I say.

Honestly speaking I needed him in more ways than one.

"Nkanyezi I don't want this feeling to end, I don't want to look back and realise I lost out on a chance at
being happy and loved" he says.

"Melusi what are you saying" I ask sitting up straight.

"I don't care if you belong to him on paper but you belong with me. I want you for as long as I can have
and I know you want this too" he says going for my lips.

I am ready to have him in between my thighs but he pulls away.

"I have to marry him" I say..

"I know but even if it's these stolen unexpected moments I don't care, I just want them with you and
only you. I will be here till we figure out a way to get you out of that house" he says.

"You want to love me" I say.

He smiles making me giggle.

"Yes I want to love you" he says kissing my forehead.

He gets out of the bed and walks to the shower.

I bring the covers up and hug my knees what happens if we love these moments so much we can't stop
and things turn ugly.

Why can't I think with my head and not clit, he comes back dropping hot and wet using the towelto wipe
off some of the water.

I must have wondered off there for a moment,he puts on his clothes gradually looking at me and I can't
help but smile.

I get and fix him up this is what I want,a husband who will look at me like this and love me despite
everything.

"Don't think about it much please let me lead" he says.

"I love you" he says.

"I love you too" I say wrapping my arms around him.

Why would a man like Melusi stick around for someone like me, why must I know his love only to have it
snatched away from me.

I must say having Sotobe over really helped. He's still keen on appealing the case and getting someone
stronger who's not afraid to play dirty when needs be.

I even had a chanve to wake up bath and clean incase he decides to come back.

I slump on the couch and go through my phone,I want to call my mother but none of this is sitting well
with her. She blames herself and each time we speak she ends up tearing.

I need her to be strong for me. I know that I will never come back from that house the same person.

I toss my phone to the side get up to get the door.

The first I feel and see is Qiniso hugging my legs.I lift him up and tightly squeeze him so hard tears
welling up.

I look at Mthandeni's mother and mouth a thank you stepping out of the way.

It's a good thing I bathed or I would be reeking of sex.

I put him on the couch and to me this feels like a dream.

"My boy" I say squeezing him one more time.

I am emotional but I don't want to cry in front of him..

"You're okay" I say nodding my head followed by a deep sigh

"I missed you so much you have no idea" I say.

"I missed you too mommy but you didn't come get me" he says with that frown of his.
My heart sinks he believes I didn't come for him.

"I am sorry but mommy wasn't feeling well and I didn't want to get you sick" I say.

He looks at me for amd tilts his head.

"Guess what mommy" he says excitedly.

"What" I ask looking at his new grandmother for answers.

"I was with my daddy" he says going on and on about how his weekend was amazing with his dad...

"That's good now why don't you go to your room and get your story book, mommy wants to read to
you" I say.

"I love you Nkanyezi" he says.

I tilt my head and smile at him. Qiniso calls me Mama or Mommy but never my name.

"This is the only time I could take him out without my husband asking questions" she says looking at me.

"Thank you this means a lot I will never forget it" I say.

"I am a mother too and I am sorry that you are going through this" she says.

This woman came up to me in court held my hand and gave me hug.."I know what you're going through"
she said.

She's beautiful kind and humble it makes me wonder what that mam did to keep her.

"I hope he wasn't much trouble" I say.

"He was a darling and you raised him well a child that can say please and thank you" she says..

"How can a such a loving woman give birth to a monster of a son and marry the devil" I ask..

She looks at me and smiles.

"Life" she says.

"But I will not let it destroy you and your family like it did mine, I am sorry that my son hurt you no
women deserves to go through what you went through.

But don't be like me fight tooth and nail to be a part of your son's life" she says.

"Ma are you okay" I ask.

"I am sorry I just get emotional sometimes when I speak about Mtha" she says.

This woman loves her son I saw the way she looked at him when I screamed "Rape" she was torn and
that is a mothers love.

We bore children and hope that they turn out to be what we prayed and hoped for, and even when they
stir off the right path you will still love them regardless.
"You have come a long way despite of what my husband has been throwing at you" she says with a
smile.

"You know what that tells me" she asks.

I shake me head not taking my eyes off her.

"That you are strong" she says giving me a smile..

I feel like she needs a hug, I stand up and give it to her also thanking her or bringing Qiniso by.

She's just taken a huge risk for me to see my son.

I spent the rest of my day falling in love with my son. I didn't want them to leave but she promised to
bring him back again till we sort out things.

I have visitation rights but they are meant to supervised since I am supposedly a danger to myself and
those around me.

Mthandeni's mother came with an old photo album of so I could see the resembles between the two.

I must say they are twins.

"Mommy when did I have birthday party" Qiniso asked when we stumbled upon pictures of Mthandeni
celebrating his birthday.

"Thats not you that's your day" I said.

He looked at me then his grandmother.

"I am angry" he said folding folding his arms.

"Why" his grandmother asked.

"Because daddy didn't invite me to his party" he said.

I swear I couldn't stop laughing he's was adamant that his dad did him wrong. They left the album
behind and I looked through it, some of the pictures showed me a sad child or may my imagination was
running wild as always.

After they left I cooked some chops, chakalaka and butter pap.

I hear the knock and qquickly get up going to open. To my surprise it's not Melusi but Mthandeni with
Msizi by his side.
They are both wearing black but Mthandeni is in black track suits and white sneakers.

"May we come in" he says.

I move out of the way letting them in.

"I hope we are not disturbing you" he says the moment they settle down.

I look at him and the once nicely trimmed beard seems to be growing.

I don't know what to say, what do I say in a situation like this.

"I am sorry about about the other day" Msizi says.

"Thank you" I say.

"Ma told me forgot her album and asked me to fetch it" Mthandeni says.

I nod looking at Msizi, this one is sincere and not that cold.

"Would you like a plate" I ask still looking at him.

He looks at his brother and nods with a smile.

I stand up walking to the kitchen with Mthandeni following me.

"Nkanyezi" he says.

I turn and look at him, he looks at my hand and back away a little.

He damn right back away this one should be careful around me especially when I have knives close by.

"Ufunani" I ask.

He lifts his eyes up and looks at me stepping forward.

"For you to know how sorry I am" he says.

"You're not sorry" I say.

He reaches for my hand and takes me to my bedroom.

He closes the door behind him and takes off his hood and vest.

"I did this to always remind myself of what I did to you the pain I caused you. I am sorry for raping you
for taking a part of you in the most cruel way" he says.

"Each time I look at the mirror I am reminded of the man I am,it wasn't fault I am the monster here the
sick twisted one and I am sorry you had to leave your life angry and hurt because of me" he says
clenching his jaw.

I put my hand on his tattoo it's my name and a cut off falling rose.

He closes his eyes as soon as my shaking hand touches the left side of his chest.

Nothing eats you up like a conscious at least he has one.

He opens them and uses his finger to wipe my tears.

His fingers are warm and soft.

"Thank you for Qiniso" he says softly.

"He's the only good thing about you" I say.

"Mnyamande" he says.

He places his one hand on my waist and like a bolt of lightning I find myself pushing him away.

"Don't you ever ever touch me, a tatoo changes nothing you're a monster and you don't even deserve
Qiniso's love" I say.

....

NKANYEZI

017

I kicked that loser out of my house and packed Msizi some food. I couldn't believe I was that taken by
just a tattoo so what if he marked his chest to remind himself of what he did to me.

A leopard never changes its spots and Mthandeni is just that his father's son.

I spoke to my parents about a way forward and it's decided that my family will take me to the khanyile
household on the weekend. By then I should be Mthandeni's wife and their daughter inlaw by tradition.

I am way past fighting this whole thing and I have told myself that by being in that house, I can protect
my son and make sure he doesn't turn out like his father.

You know what they say about curiosity killing the cat, well I decided to follow news about Mthandeni
and beside being a Cassanova of note he's plain cruel and feard.

He is rumoured to be involved in illegal dealings although nothing has been pinned on him, I believe
everything I read on line and on the papers.

A few days ago I couldn't even get out of bed and so I called pearl and asked to talk.

I know we shouldn't cross boundaries but talking to helps me, even when she's not on call she lends me
an ear.

"What's wrong now" she asked the moment she walked through my bedroom.

"I don't know" I said.

"So why did you call me here just to stare at me" she said.
I like that she's a straight talker but most of all that her methods work.

"You are stuck between love and lust" she said looking at me.

"What no" I said.

"You said your rapist touched you and you felt something yet you hate him" she said.

I shouldn't have told her about that now she's going to use this against me

"You know there's a thin line between love and hate right" she said settling next to me.

"I want to look at him and see him as Qiniso's father a man that can take care of our son when I am
gone. I don't want to look at him and see my pain or rapist or monster but when I look at him that's all I
see" I said.

"And what about Melusi and this back and forth secret relationship of yours" she asked tilting her head.

"I love him and he's been so good to me but keeping him is a recipe for disaster I know that, but I can't
help it when I think about him my heart skips a beat and everything around me seems better. Even
though I believe that he deserves better than me but I know he loves me so much" I said.

"And what about you tell me about you. what Nkanyezi wants and needs not what you think these
people deserve and should become at your expense" she said.

"I want to to forget and put everything behind me,I want to stop crying and hurting I want peace and a
goodnights rest that's what I want" I said.

She held my hand and nodded her head.

"You say Melusi deserves better why is it because you know you're not good enough. Is it because you
know you're are damaged and broken not worthy to be loved and all these people don't love you" She
said standing up.

"No" I said shaking my head.

"You're weak and Mthandeni is going to break you once again,you don't even deserve your son" She
said.

Her words were spiteful and hurting I had tears streaming down my chest heaving heavily.

"Thats not true and you know it. I deserve to be to loved just like the next person should,I am strong and
I sure deserve Qiniso more than anyone in this world.

I am not a victim, I am not weak and I am not a prisoner not now and not ever" I said wiping my tears,
saying all that felt good.

"If you can say these words then why is so hard to believe them, didn't that feel good huh knowing you
are more than just what people say you are" I nodded my head.

"You and I have come a long way don't let Mthandeni hold you back from healing,and that starts with
forgiving okay" she said giving me a hug
"I love you Nkanyezi and I believe we have established a more deeper relation than that of doctor and
patient" she said.

"You know we have and thank you for everything" I said pulling away..

"Even if things don't make sense at the time don't be to haste to make a decision, let everything simmer
and allow yourself to feel everything okay"

I want to allow myself to feel, but I am angry at myself for meeting him that night.

I am angry that I inhaled his cologne like it was air to me, that even when he looked at me with those
cold eyes I wanted to know more about him.

I wished I had known him before he caressed my body and slipped that dress down my body.

Before I felt his breath on my neck and gasped at how his cold grip had me pinned against his body.

"You seem far away what's going on Mana" Lwazi asks bringing me back.

I came back to work this week and it feels good being around my munchkins.

"I was just thinking about our girls trip that's all" I say.

"Are you sure you're not stressing about Qiniso" she says.

"No I know he's in good hands with Mamzobe by his side" I say.

Mamzobe is Mthandeni's mother that's what everyone calls her.

"I don't know if I should say this but you look great and the glow is doing you good" she says.

I can't help blush Melusi has been doing the things.

"Oh my word this means Melusi knows his stuff in the bedroom" she says.

"Mana you don't know half of it especially when he goes down there" I say closing my eyes.

"But you know this won't end well right" she says giving me the look.

"Lwazi I am happy and I am walking into this whole marriege thing knowing someone has my back" I say.

"I love you but Mthandeni is not a man you should be messing with" she says.

"Awume Lwazi if you didn't come here to say anything about our trip then go to your class" I say.

"I am trying to make you see reason tell me how is this thing going to work huh. You're going to sleep
with Mthandeni at night and shag Melusi on weekends or when you have an opening, and where are
you going to meet huh in some dingy hotel" she says looking at me.

"Lwazi" I say.
I am not planning on sleeping with Mthandeni not in this lifetime.

"No not only are you putting his life in danger but yours too vuka emaqandeni and leave this guy alone.
He might be sexing you nice and you come till the heavens open but he's going to die and it will be your
fault" she says

"Lwandle called and the girls trip is going to happen before you give yourself up to that handsome
devilish baldy" she says with a smile.

"Promise you're going to visit and that you are going to drink wine on my behalf on the bad days" I say.

"I will even move in if that will make you feel better" she says.

"And we can say Qiniso needs you" I say.

"And I can poision Zothile saving us all" she says laughing.

"Now let's get you some sexy lingerie you can parade in and show Melusi some meat" she says.

"Wena futhi" I say.

"Well he is hot and one can never say no to d*ck. Trust me I have been there and I would be begging
and stalking the poor guy just for a few stokes" she says shaking her head..

"Dick can make you do crazy things remember when I travelled to KZN just for some and I had to hike
back to Jozi" she says making me laugh.

"What is it with us and broke guys,I have had to pay the bill more than I can count" I say.

"Oh don't get me started on that" she says dramatically.

She pulls me into a hug.

"I love and I will always tell you the truth no matter how bitter and sour it taste" she says.

"I know" I say.

I was hoping that Lwazi would join me and we could mark the books, put those tiny gold stars and smiley
faces but she ditched me. I know she's entertaining some guy and I am going to let it slide.I plan on
binge watching "HOUSE" the so ever charming Dr Gregory House one man who believes everyone lies
including his patients.

I love him and I guess tonight it's just me and him.

"I am about to watch HOUSE" I text to Lwazi.

The door bell goes off,I get up put on my slippers and head for the door.
Melusi's father walts in slightly pushing me to the side.

I close the door and follow him to the kitchen.

"Bab Sotobe" I say.

He turns and looks at me.

"What is it with you" he asks.

"Baba I don't know what you mean" I say.

"Don't you dare baba me what the hell did you do to my son" he asks.

"If you love him as you claim then stay away. I don't care what you do or how you do it but leave my son
alone" he says.

"He's not thinking straight so please lift whatever spell you cast on him" he says.

"I didn't do anything" I say.

"I tried talking to him but he refuses to stay away why" he says.

"Because we love each other" I say.

He grabs me by my arm shaking me.

"Maybe I should teach you a lesson clearly that Khanyile boy didn't" he says turning me then pining me
on the table.

For a moment everything comes to a stand still till I hear my shirt rip and his belt being undone.

"No no.." I say.

"Maybe this will make you come to your sense Melusi deserves better than a whore like you" he says
using his hand to pin my face.

I try freeing myself by biting him before he doesn't anything.

"You slut" he says slapping me.

My whole body comes in contact with the floor.

I crawl till my back is against the fridge.

"Please don't hurt me" I say.

"I will never look at Melusi ever again I promise just don't hurt me" I say my lips trembling.

"If you ever say a word you will rue the day you were born" he says fixing himself up.

I rush to the door and close it behind him sinking to the floor.

A silent sob comes out of my mouth till it turns into loud trembling uncontrollable sobs.

I stand up and slip on the tile, I stand up again and reach for my phone dialling my mother.
"Mama I need you" I say.

"Nyezi what's wrong" she says sounding panicked.

"Ma please come" I say.

"I am on my way lock the door, your brother and I are on our way" she says before ending the call.

A scream escapes my mouth when I hear a knock on the door.

I put a hand over my mouth stopping myself from crying out loud.

"Nkanyezi" The voice says.

I stay quiet till another knock comes through.

"Its me Mthandeni" he says

"Mnyamande I know you're inside please open the door" He says.

"I am breaking this door" he says.

I remain still hugging my knees,I don't want to close my eyes because I might see his face and the look
he had.

The manages to open the door and makes his way in.

He crouches next to me.

"Don't touch me" I say.

"Look at me Mnyamande I won't hurt you" he says.

I wanted to hear those words five years ago not now.

He uses his hand to lift my chin up.

"Who did this" he asks.

"I don't know" I say letting the tears fall.

"Did he.." he can't even get the words out.

"No but be wanted to" I say breaking down.

He takes me into his arms and holds me tight.

"I am sorry" he says lifting me up.

"He wanted to hurt me like you did, he wanted to teach me a lesson" I say.

He walks with me to the couch and puts me down walking off.

He comes back holding my medi kit and takes out a disinfectant and cotton, he daps on my cut lip
running his finger down my cheek.

He then uses a damp cloth on my cheek.

"You're lucky because you know the kind of man your father is" I say.

He looks at me and I know he pities me,his eyes are warm and that could only mean one thing he feels
sorry for me.

I feel his hands on mine and it's only now I realise I have been holding on to my ripped shirt.

"Focus on my eyes only" he says helping me take it off.

He takes one the blankets on the couch and covers me up.

He leans foward and whispers in my ear.

"I will find whoever did this and they will pay" he says.

His cheek touches mine and before I know it his lips touch mine.

He breathes inside my mouth and pulls away.

"You bastard" Zweli says pulling him of me.

"What did you do to my baby girl wena" Ma says touching my face.

Zweli takes him down to the floor and starts punching him.

"Hurting my sister wasn't enough back then huh" he says punching him even more.

"Zweli stop it" I say.

"Mama he didn't do anything he was just helping" I say.

Msizi walks in and pulls Zweli off Mthandeni.

"Deda mfana uzolimala" Msizi says standing toe to toe with Zweli.

"Get out" Zweli says.

Mthandeni looks at me looking livid.

"I didn't hurt her" he says walking away.

.....

NKANYEZI

018
I had to cancel the girls trip because Mthandeni and his family changed their mind and requested I be
brought early.

It didn't make any difference to me, I have already mad peace with the fact that I am paying for my
father's sins and the fact that I kept the baby.

They will always have a hold over me because of Qiniso. Speaking of my baby he went for his first father
and son haircut and he came back so happy.

He couldn't stop talking about how his dad had him on his lap and assured him the blade wouldn't cut
him.

He wants to do this more often cut his hair that is. Mthandeni might be a monster but when he looks at
Qiniso he becomes a totally different person. He laughs smiles and makes jokes he becomes human
when our son is around.

I still can't believe Melusi's father tried to rape me, that moment erupted buried emotions of
helplessness.

I thought I would lose my voice but I didn't, it's not my fault he wanted to violate he's a sick twisted
man.

I have cut ties with Melusi and it was hard I won't lie.

He begged and begged for us to talk but I just couldn't let him in. He came over to my house the other
day and made so much noise I had to call his mother.

I didn't even want to walk out and see him because I knew it wouldn't end well.

I think it's best we part ways even if its like this his father made it crystal clear that I don't have a future
with him.

I was looking forward to going out with Lwandle and Lwazi but I had to prepare for umgcagco(Zulu
wedding).

I had tears in my eyes knowing this wasn't my dream wedding nor the kind of family I wanted to marry
in.

I had on isdwaba and he was wearing ibheshu to anyone watching the wedding looked beautiful,And I
was crying because I was happy marrying the mab of dreams a man amongst men.

Zothile insisted that we do things accordingly and that I be introduced to their ancestors.

My young prince looked so cute by his father's side.

Mthandeni's family was more than welcoming even though there were whispers here and there, his
family was just wondeful.

I even got those glossy eyes companied by pity and well to some of them this is normal.
I say this because rape in our communities is normalised as being a part of us, its fast becoming a culture
in our society and it no longer scares people when they learn of such situations.

I even read up somewhere that some of these man have sexual relationships with young children
minors,especially those of child headed household making them pregnant and some even groom them
to be their wives.

I believe we live in a sick twisted world on its own and the same people who are supposed to protect us
are the ones tormenting us.

Everything was going fine till Bab Khanyile called me to the side and introduced me to their family healer
Ngitheni.

I just didn't like the way he looked at me and the way he smelled or herbs almost making me throw up.

Mthandeni appeared in time to rescue ne away from his father and his crazy friend.

I went back to the crowd and look by as Mthandeni danced with Qiniso while the crowd cheered on.

"Never make the mistake of thinking you and Mthandeni have a future, that you can run to the sunset
and live happily ever after" Zothile said settling next me.

"He will always be machine a monster and to him you will only serve one purpose and that is bearing
this family children" he said that last sentence with a smile on his face.

I stood up and looked at him..

"And what if I teach him how to love to and to be nothing like you,what if I reprogram him and undo
whatever you did" I said glaring at him.

He stood up and tightly held my hand.

"You don't know who you're messing with I see" he said.

I subtly got off his hold and walked towards Qiniso and started dancing with him.

We got back from the homestead and Mthandeni had already made plans for us to go and sign. I am
officially his wife both lawfully and traditionally, his mother is happy to have another female in this
house.

Sthandile doesn't spend that much time home because of her music and painting gigs.

We sleep in separate bedrooms and I share my room with Qiniso even though he has his own.

A knock comes through and before I respond Mthandeni walks in.

"Can I come in" he asks stil standing at the door.

"Come on in" I say.

He walks in closing the door behind him.

"Did you sleep okay" he asks.

I look at am squint my eyes ever since I stepped foot in this house, this is the first time he has been to
my room or asked how I slept.

"Is there something wrong" I asks folding my clothes.

He looks at me and clears his throat.

"I wasn't going to ask but there's this important galla dinner I need to attend so would you come with
me please" he says running his hands over his bald head.

It's funny because he can say please and thank you.

"Me" I ask.

He lifts his head up looking at me.

"I know I am asking for a lot, you hate me and you can't even stand me but I wouldn't be asking if it
wasn't important" he says digging inside his pockets.

He takes out his credit card and puts it on my dressing table.

"You can get anything you want" he says.

I look at the card and think of the things I could do.

He said I would be having my own cards soon,cards that can open any door with just flashing it.

"When is this thing" I ask moving closer to get the card.

"It's tonight" he says.

I almost scream his head off but quickly compose myself.

"And on what time are we supposed to leave the house" I ask.

"Six" he says.

Now I want to wring his neck does he know the effort that goes into looking good!! Clearly he doesn't.

"Ngiyabonga Mnyamande" his deep voice says.

He walks out giving me a chance to call Lwazi.

"Mana we're going shopping" I say.

"We can't asinamali" she says.

"We don't need money not when we have Sbopho's card" I say.

She screams on my ear and starts laughing.

"He gave you his card does he know who you are" she asks still laughing.
"Lwazi have some faith" I say.

"That husband of yours will regret ever giving you his card" she says.

I am the type to buy everything my eyes fall in love with.

And I happen to always get something for the people around me. I don't want to say I am a shop aholic
because that's a strong word but I do sludge more than I should.

"Are you coming or not" I ask.

"Who am I to say no to free money" she says.

"Great" I say.

I must have dented Mthandeni's card with the shoes and hand bags I got . I got a few things for his
mother as well as Sthandile, I also came back with Lwazi so she could do my make up.

"You guys sleep In separate bedrooms" Lwazi says while helping me into my dress.

"Yes" I say.

"And what happens when he wants more kids surely that's going to mean sex" she says.

"Wait I need the bathroom" I say running off.

I come back wiping my mouth the thought of sex with Mthandeni made me puke.

"You've been doing this for quite a while are you sure there's no bun in the oven" she says.

"What no" I say brushing her off.

"Back to your husband what do you think of him" she asks.

I shrug my shoulders.

"Can we not talk about him today I need to be on my best behaviour, less grumpy and disgusted to a
loving supporting wife" I say rolling my eyes.

"How is he treating you though" she asks.

"Okay he keeps his distance and that's okay with me" I say.

"If he tries anything Nkanyezi and I mean anything take Qiniso and run" she says.

I nod with a smile.

"You are beautiful" she says helping me up.

I went for a simple look a black evening gown that has an open back. My weave is tied up beautifully and
the make up we went for a more natural look.

I make my way down stairs and the first person to give me a hug is Qiniso.

"Mommy you look beautiful" he says not letting go.

"Thank you my baby" I say.

I would lift him up but he might make me dirty.

I give him a kiss on the cheek while his father looks on, he has on a black suit with a waist coat and he
looks good.

"Hey champ" Mthandeni says lifting him up.

As I predicted Qiniso's feet touch his expensive tailored suit.

"Baba give mommy a kiss she looks beautiful" he says.

"I don't think mommy wants to ruin her make up" Mthandeni says.

"Mommy please I promise I will close my eyes and ears" he says.

His grandmother smiles looking at us and takes Qiniso away from Mthandeni.

He doesn't look me in the eye but kisses my cheek and pulls away.

"Done" I say.

"Gogo I love my mommy and daddy" Qiniso says wrapping his arms around Mamzobe's neck.

"I love them too" she says.

"Have a great evening you two" she says.

I turn and look at Mthandeni giving him my cluch bag.

I take one of my wipes and remove an any traces of his son's feet.

"You shouldn't have picked him up now look at what you two did and I have to clean after you two no
Mthandeni" I say fixing him up.

He lets out this gentle roaring laughs makingt me stop and notice the twinkle in his eyes.

"You sound just like Mamzobe" he says laughing even more.

He looks different when he laughs like a life was added to me.

I usually attend a teachers conference but this is different from the arrival at the door to being ushered
to out table. The place looks glamorous and I am starting to feel too plain,the photographers took a few
snaps us together and the way he swooped his hand on my bare back caught me off guard.

"Mr Khanyile is this your lady friend, Is she someone special" one reporter asked.

"Mr Khanyile who dressed you" they asked.

"Mam is that one of the stones auctioned from the crown jewel" one asked.

I looked at my necklace and looked at Mthandeni a whole crown jewel and he didn't say anything.

I found this diamond necklace on my bed a with note written "This will look perfect on you" it said.

There was a bracelet with the piece and earrings two.

I am seeing familiar faces well people I see on the news and magazines,people who are making a
difference in people's lives.

Mostly doctors and people who hold PhD's and doctorates.

"Welcome to the sixth annual event of most influential people in the game" I doubt that's a names but
hey who am I to judge.

"We never really got to name these events but the most important thing is that we are always landing a
helping a hand and raising money to help those in need" the speaker says.

"I would like to welcome doctor Khanyile on stage the man who has been making all this possible" the
speaker says.

The light shines on us and my dear husband stands up leaving me shocked.

He walks to the podium and starts addressing all these man and women.

I didn't even know he's a doctor and I heard one of the ladies next to me say he stopped practising and
focused more on building clinics and hospitals donating huge amounts of money.

He speaks about improving public hospitals and the services offered, He hates the lack of resources to
help patients and plans on building another hospital for kids with different diagnosis and a need of
transplants.

He gets an applause and I am left stunned he comes back and kisses my cheek settlinhy down.

There is so much that I want to ask I just don't know when and how.

"Sbopho who is this beautiful lady" one gentleman at our table asks.

He looks at me and smiles.

"This is my wife" He says.

"Wife" the whole table roars.

"Yes I am his wife" I say.

"When how we didn't know he was seeing someone other than Lilitha" One woman says.

I take my hand and place it on his.

"Ngwane is a private person a we didn't want the whole world prying on our special day" I didn't mean
to call him Ngwane it just happened.

He looks at our hands and then me.

"She's beautiful isn't she" he says with a smile.

"That she is" that one genlteman again.

"And when did you guys meet" one of the ladies asks.

I see Melusi striding towards our table just as I am about spin a story.

I stand up meeting him half way.

"So this is why you dumped me for him" Melusi says.

I try pulling him away but he roughly shrugs me off.

Mthandeni is by my side within seconds.

"Walk away" he says in a warning tone.

"Nkanyezi this man raped you how can you be with him after everything he has done to you" he says.

I want to telm him everything that happened but what's the use of hurting him by telling him the true
about his father, what's the use of destroying their relationship know well I can't be with him.

"I owe you nothing and I have nothing to say to you" I say.

"I can't believe this after everything we have been through" he says looking at me.

"Melusi just go there's nothing here for you" I say softly.

He looks at me and nods his head.

"You don't deserve her not all" he says.

"And you think I don't know that now walk away"Mthandeni say looking ready to take him on.

He looks at me and walks away.

"I need some air" I ssy rushing out.

Mthandeni follows me and grabs me by my arm.

"I can call Msizi to take you home" he says towering over me.

He wraps his arm around my waist settling it on the opem part of the dress.
"You look beautiful" he whispers bringing me close to him.

My heart quickly does a 180.

"Thank you for coming here with me" he says still against me.

He looks me in the eyes caressing my cheek.

He uses his fingers to trace me lips parting them.

I drop my eyes looking down on his feet he pulls away after kissing my forehead.

"I will ask Msizi to drop you home" he says looking at his phone.

I clear my throat looking away and wonder would I have pulled away had he kissed me.

....

NKANYEZI

019

I waited till Msizi arrived all this while Mthandeni was just holding me, he only let me go when his
brother arrived.

These two are always together and they have each other's back.

I didn't want him to let me go I just wanted to feel anything other than think about the look Melusi gave
me. He looked disgusted with me and that's understandable. I myself don't know what's going on.

I can't seem to keep away from his touch, each time he does I want to think about that night but it never
happens on my term.

I had to call Pearl and seek answers but I got nothing and it was just the usual "You need to figure it out
Nkanyezi you have always hated an unknown man you only saw through yourt child. He was faceless till
he wasn't when you met him he wasn't a monster nor a rapist he was just a stranger that helped you
out" she said.

"Then why do I hate him with everything in me and then feel sorry for him, why do I want to see the
good in a person who hurt me and violated me. I was young I should be harbouring raging hate inside
me" I said.

"Nkanyezi it doesn't work like you are on a healing journey and part of that consists forgiving and letting
go, maybe this is you letting go and freeing yourself taking back your freedom" she said.

"But I made a promise to make him pay for what he did to me" I said.

I made a promise that Mthandeni would one day feel my pain even if it's not physically but emotionally.
"Is revenge worth your healing and letting go, is it worth you letting down your child and taking away
the one thing he has always wanted" she asked.

"And what happens if he hates me for being with his father. I know I would hate my mother for having
me under the same roof as the man who raped her" I said.

"Doesn't he love his son" she asked.

"He does" I said.

He may not be father of the year but he loves Qiniso and he's trying by all means to make it up for being
absent.

"Then don't think so much about it" she said.

I couldn't sleep through knowing he wasn't home.

I don't trust his father one bit so I locked all doors to my bedroom and snuggled up next to my son.

I wasn't going to go downstairs but Qiniso woke up early and decided he wanted to see his dad before
he goes out.

We made our way to the dining table and ate breakfast with the family. Zothile obviously occupying the
head chair and Mthandeni wasn't around.

Sitting In the same table as Mthandeni's father is never easy even the food doesn't go down that well.

"Makoti I was thinking of taking Qiniso out maybe to the park" he said.

"Baba I was think of taking to see my mother" I said.

He looked at me with clenched his jaws clearing his throat.

"Nkanyezi I will take Qiniso with me today so we can spend some time together" he said more sternly

I looked at MaNkzobe and she nodded her head.

"Kulungile baba I will get him ready" I said standing up.

I had already lost my appetite and knowing that he was going to spend the entire day with my son didn't
sit well with me.

I went to the toilet threw up then took out some clothes for Qiniso.

Its been hours since they left and it's only now that Mthandeni walks in.

He looks and smells fresh clearly he wasn't missing.

He greets us and I am already set for war.

"Where were you,didn't you say you would take Qiniso bike ridding" I ask.
He looks at me tilting his head.

"Is this what you call being a father going awol and when your son needs you" I say.

"Nkanyezi calm down" His mother says.

"No he wasn't here and now your father took him" I says shaking my head.

He face quickly changes into this monstrous look.

"He what" he says looking at his mother.

"Your father asked to spend the day with him" she says.

"Wathula ma while he took my child" he says.

"I told him not to go anywhere near my son" he says.

"Mthandeni please calm down" his mother says.

I have never seen him this angry and his mother pleading with him.

He looks at me breathing heavily.

"I am Qiniso's father not that man niyangizwa" he says rushing to his room.

His mother hurriedly stands up following him I may be a bit slow today but I know something is up.

"Ma what's going on" I ask follow behind.

We get to Mthandeni's room and its the first time I have walked in here.

It's white with a touch of black here and there and his room is spacious.

He opens his wardrobe then the safe taking out a gun.

I look at his mother who closes her eyes at the sight of the gun.

"If he tries anything with my son I swear Ma I will kill him" he says breathing fire.

"Mthandeni please don't do this,don't upset your father he won't hurt him" his mother says blocking the
door.

"Nkanyezi please talk to him" she says looking at me.

I don't know what to say, I don't know Mthandeni like that and what if he hurts me instead.

He starts breathing in and out heavily.

"He's just looking for a reaction don't give him one" his mother says looking at me.

"Mthandeni why are you this scared what will your father do to our son" I ask fighting the tears.

He makes his way towards me and all this while my eyes haven't moved from the hand that's holding
the gun.
He places it behind him and looks at me.

"Ngiyaxolisa Mnyamande" he says not looking at me in the eye.

"What for" I ask.

"For hurting you and allowing my father to hurt you by bringing you into this house" he says.

"He won't hurt our son right" I ask.

"Mthandeni lool at me he wouldn't hurt him right" I ask.

He lifts his eyes up and they are red and teary.

I shake my head fighting the tears.

"What kind of a monster is your father huh" I ask.

"Ma call him and ask him to bring my son home" I say.

Mthandeni turns walking out.

"You should have been here then he wouldn't have had the chance" I say.

Soon after Mthandeni left I felt light headed and passed out It's a good thing Mamzobe was around.

I woke up to Lwazi next to me and Mamzobe beautifully smiling on me.

Mthandeni called and aske of he could take Qiniso to my mother's place, I had no choice but to agree
seeing that I am not feeling well.

"How far along are you" Mamzobe asked.

I looked at her and smiled surely she doesn't think I am sleeping with Mathandeni.

"When was your last period" Lwazi asked.

I felt like a teenager this conversation took me back to the time I found out I was pregnant with Qiniso.

"I can't be" I said

I know I can be but not now, not when I don't know whether I am coming or going.

"Its okay we are here" Mamzobe said.

I shook my head this could be a mess.

"We did it with Qiniso and if there's a baby growing in there then we can do it again" Lwazi said.

"I need to go to the doctor I need to be sure" I said trying to stand up.

"No you need your rest forget about this and get some sleep" Ma said holding my hand.

I still had so much to ask but the time didn't seem right, I want to know why is this family still here and
holding up while the head of this house breaks each of them.

"I didn't mean to wake you" he says standing up.

He was sitting next to me on my bed looking at me.

I look at him and he looks exhausted.

"How are you feeling" he asks.

I shrug my shoulders and close my eyes releasing a deep sigh.

"Mthandeni I need to tell you something" I say.

He shake's his head stopping me.

"Ma told me about the possibility of you being pregnant" he says scrunching his nose like Qiniso doesn't
when he doesn't quite get something.

"You don't owe me anything Mnyamande" he says turning.

"Mthandeni" I say.

He looks at me sighs.

"Tell me how to do this, tell me how to behave around you because I really don't know. I hurt you and I
will forever be sorry and I know you were forced into this whole thing but just tell me how to do this
whole thing. If I could I would say tell me how to make it better bit I know I can't" he says.

"You can" I say.

He looks hopefully the moment these words leave my lips.

"Tell me you will protect me and children" I say.

If there's a possibility of me being pregnant then I need to know.

"I hate living here your father is a bad person and he thrives on tormenting me, so I need you by my side
tell my that if I am indeed with a child you will protect me" I say.

He looks at me and I don't know what he's thinking, I may be reaching here grasping at straws but I am
praying he agrees.

"Mthandeni tell me you will" I say.

"Give me your word Ngwane" I say.

"I give you my word that nothing will happen to you or Qiniso" he says sounding true to his word.

"Thank you" I say.

"I can stay up until you fall alseep if that's okay with you" he says unsure.

"I would appreciate that" I say looking at him make his way to me.

"What happened to you" I ask.

He looks at me and smiles.

"Somethings are better left unsaid and buried" he says.

.......

It might be short but don't kill me

NKANYEZI

020

We decided to put the doctor's appointment off for a whole week and it's only today that Mthandeni is
available the whole day.

I wanted my mom to accompany me but he insisted on going with me.

This whole pregnancy scare has been making me sick on its own, on the other hand I have been avoiding
Zothile all week.

Mthandeni's mother on the other has been a true godsend.

The woman has been looking after Uhuru and making sure he gets to school on time when I can't wake
up.

I am afraid of what the doctor might tell us, I know I can financially sustain all three of us but what will
Zothile say.

I know he will not want another man's child in his house. This is just a mess and Mthandeni hasn't been
vocal much about this whole thing.

I woke up early and prepared Uhuru for school and then Msizi dropped him off. I took another day off
and thingst keep on like this I might lose my job.

For the first time ever Mthandeni and I were going out together.

I know people will look but I have learned that this family rarely makes it to the news, that's how private
they are.
The night I accomp him to the gala dinner a few guests were mentioned but he wasn't.

"You look stressed" His mother said giving me a cup of tea.

"I don't want to be pregnant this baby will only cause war and conflict" I said deeply sighing.

"So you don't want the child of the man you love" she asked.

I have told her about Melusi and she understood where I was coming from.

"I do I really do but when Melusi finds out about the baby he will want to a part of it" I said.

"You know what's the problem with you" she asked.

I shook my head taking a sip of my tea.

"You over think things and think about everyone except yourself, try being selfish for once in your life"
she said.

"Nkanyezi when last did you pray" she asked.

I shrugged my shoulders because truly speaking,I had lost all hope and things prayer and partly because
when I prayed I felt like my prayers fell on deaf ears.

"Try praying and see what happens" she said reaching for my hand.

"I know this isn't my place but I want you know that forgiveness is a rare gift" she said standing up.

"My son may be all that but I want you to look at him" she said.

"I do look at him Ma" I said.

"Then you will see that he's not bad at all he's not a monster, he's my son and inside him is a young boy
that is still hurting. He protects all those around him and will do anything for those he loves" she said.

"Ma did something happen to him when he was young" I asked.

"Nkanyezi there was a time I left my children with Zothile" she says fighting the tears.

"Why" I ask.

"Zothile was once a good man but money, power and greed changed him" she said letting the tears fall.

I moved closer to her and gave her a hug.

"I failed to protect my children,I should have fought to stay by their side I should have left with my
children but I didn't" she said crying.

"Ma" Mthandeni said behind me.

Mamzobe pulled away and wiped her tears.

"Is everthing okay" Mthandeni asked.

"Yes everything is fine I was just telling Nkanyezi that it's good having her around, finally I can tell the
ladies that I have a beautiful daughter Inlaw" she said wearing a sad smile.

"Mnyamande are you ready to go" he asked.

I nodded my head taking my bag.

He drove us straight to the doctor and i didn't even have to make an appointment. I got there and we
were ushered into the consultation room.

The doctor happens to be Mthandeni's friend and personal doctor.

He asked me a few questions about my sexual life and when last I saw my period, did a urine test
followed by my blood pressure.

I changed into their pink gown and settled on their bed while he prepared the ultrasound.

He put the jelly and started running the machine, it took a while before we could hear any sound.

"I think I should give you some privacy" Mthandeni said standing up.

"Stay" I said.

We listened to the heartbeat and I swear that wave sound brought tears to my eyes, it's sound like
music the enchanting beautiful kind.

The doctor also did some blood work to see how far along I am exactly but the home test showed that I
am twelve weeks

"Mthandeni" I say after wiping my tears.

He hasn't said much since we left the doctors.

"We are going to raise this child together" he says.

"What" I ask.

"I will raise this child as mine if you want" he says.

"Thank you but it won't work I mean we haven't slept together and we don't share the same bedroom" I
say.

"Mnyamande akekho owazi izindaba zam' nawe zase kamelweni" he says.

"Your father will not let you raise you another man's child" I say.

"He doesn't have to know that the child is not mine" he says.

"And what about Melusi" I ask

"He deserves to know but if you tell him then he will want to be a part of the child's life" he says.
"And if I don't he will hate me for keeping this away from him" I say

He starts the car and drives off.

"Then let's go find him" he says.

"Why are you doing this" I ask.

He looks at me and forces a smile.

"It's bad enough that you were forced into this marriage so might aswell make it less horrible" he says.

"I know you think being married to your rapist is worse but trust me its better than being six feet under
or being sold as a sex slave" he says.

"Your father" I ask

He nods focusing on the road.

He drops me off at Melusi's house and parks a few houses away.

The guys at the gate don't give me much problem with letting me through.

He opens the door and stands there looking at me.

"What do you want" he asks.

"May I come in please" I say.

He looks at me and raise his eyebrow.

"Can we talk I need to tell you something" I say.

"What has your husband started cheating on you? Oh let me guess he forced himself on you again" he
says leaving my mouth agape.

"Melusi please hear me out" I say.

"No you made your choice now live with it" He says.

"If you could just let me speak" I say holding my bag close to me.

"My father was right about you,you're too broken you don't even see it. You will leap from one man to
another seeking love just to make yourself feel whole" he says.

"You don't mean that" I say biting my lower lip.

"I do. Nkanyezi you chose him over me the same man who hurt you in the worst possible way, no sane
woman would do that" he says.

"Clearly coming here was a mistake" I say looking at him.

"I love you Melusi" I say before walking away.

.

MTHANDENI

I don't know what happened between Mnyamande and Sotobe but she came out of that house crying,
she could barely see the way and I had to usher inside the car.

She's been through so much yet she's still alive and still going at it.

She's so beautiful that even when tears stream down her face, her skin is so smooth and delicate if she
was mine I wouldn't want to share her with the world.

And my son is the most precious gift in the world,the only untainted and good thing about me.

Coming home I had to make sure Nkanyezi was okay before heading out to my father's office.

I asked Msizi to accompany me being in the same space as my father suffocates me.

"I heard you took makoti to the doctor is everything okay" My father asks.

I look at him and shake my head.

"Yes everything is okay" I say looking at Msizi.

"Mthandeni don't tell me you're falling for her" he says.

"Baba why did you call me here because if it's not business then I am not interested" I say.

He looks at and laughs.

"You are falling for her but the thing is she will never love you and to me she's disposable" he says.

"You wouldn't dare touch her" I say standing up.

"Mtha" Msizi says.

"Maybe I should remind you who's in charge" he says giving me a deadlyt stare.

"There's a buyer looking for someone young and still sealed" he says.

"You leave Sthandile out of this" I say breathing heavily.

"You are weak and pathetic Sbopho you denied your brother the chance to be something great, to be a
leader like you" He shouts.
"I don't care what you say but if saving my family from you makes me weak then fine, if it means Msizi
not going through what I went through then fine call me weak but you are a coward for using innocent
people to fight your battles and keeping me on a tight leash" I say holding my chest.

Msizi gives me my inhaler.

"I don't need it" I say trying to breathe.

"Take it or you will die" he says holding it up against my mouth.

I start inhaling looking at my father.

"You touch Mnyamande or anyone else I care about I swear not even Ngtheni will help you" I say.

He would never touch Qiniso because he sees him as an heir to his empire.

"I dare you baba this monster you created is baying for blood" I say.

He looks at Msizi and shakes his head.

"Nc nc nc and you look up to him" he says.

"Atleast he doesn't threaten to sell his own flesh and blood and He's more of father than you ever will
be" Msizi says.

If I could I would end it all but how when he's covered all his tracks.

NKANYEZI

I woke up late with everyone already asleep, I wasn't going to but my stomach kept me up.

I made my way to the kitchen and ate but didn't finish the plate

I heard somethings shattering and the noise coming from Mthandeni's bedroom.

I went up and have been watching him, he's shirtless and on his knees breathing heavily. He breathes till
it gets to a point where he struggles reaching for something, I think he's asthmatic and if I could just
stand here for a few more seconds it might be over.

He gasp and falls and for the life of me I don't have it in me to watch a man die.

I rush in and placing his head on my lap reaching for his inhaler.

He holds my hand inhaling deeply.

"That's it you're doing just fine" I say holding is head bringing him close to my chest.

His body is a work of art but his upper body is a master piece,but I notice marks on his left wrist, back
and neck.

"Don't" he says stopping me from touching him.

The lights are off but the moon and outside lights provide enough light to see the tears in his eyes.

"I am sorry" he says

My hand settles on his neck and down his back to his hand.

It settles there for a while till I entwine my hand with his.

"She was only seventeen when my father took her to a gentlemen's club for a meet and great, she didn't
know anything till this day she doesn't know that her own father was going to sell her" he says holding
the tears.

"I am sorry that it was you but I had no choice I had to save my little sister,I had to protect her from
becoming a man's slave. If I chose you she would have disappeared into thin air and that would have
killed my mother. Nkanyezi she was already grieving one child and I couldn't let her grief kill her" he
says.

What kind of a father does this to his children.

"I hate him Nkanyezi. I hate my father" he says trembling in an emotional tone.

.....

NKANYEZI

021

We stayed like that till the early hours of the morning with a small blanket covering us.

He tried not to seem weak but he couldn't hold it anymore he just cried. I don't know half the pain he's
been through but it sure seems much.

I haven't forgiven not forgotten but he said he sorry that it had to me, I can't imagine another woman
going what I went

The pleading and fear that comes with being held dowm against your will.

I will never fully bring myself to understand why he did it.

Sure I was a stranger to him but didn't he think of the scars he would inflict, the fact that I hate the dark
and being touched for too long, I avoid elevators and prefer the staircase.
I keep a Peper spray in my bag and hate confined spaces.

But what about that seventeen year old that waa going to sold as a slave, pumped drugs till she
wouldn't even know who she was.

Men taking turns on her till she would pass out and bleed till the next day, only to have another bunch
do the same thing to her over and over again.

Sold from one rich disgusting bastard to the other molested and subjected to everyday pain that would
have been her fate had Mthandeni not chose.

I asked about his family but he closed off. I then tried asking about the scars on his body and his whole
body tensed up and he just held me tight.

I held him close to me allowing him to be vulnarable. But the curiosity it in me asked about Lilitha I have
been hearing about her it was only fair that I ask.

He told me they met a few years ago and that Lilitha was just the most beautiful thing on that day. Their
relationship has been on and off since they started.

"So she's your personal booty call" I said.

He managed to laugh and slightly pulled away looking at me.

"No but I haven't seen her since you moved here" he said.

"Do you love her" I asked.

He remained quite and said nothing.

"Does she love you then" I asked.

"I don't know" he said

"The only affection I have ever known is that of my mother at young age" he said.

I kept quiet and allowed him to speak.

"I tried fighting for her but she had already had enough and she couldn't stay so she left. She left and I
made peace with it but my father always reminded me how unloved we were" he said chuckling.

His deep voice laced witht sorrow and pain.

"I tried my best to raise Msizi the way I would have wanted and I am proud of how he turned out" He
said.

"And Sthandile" I asked.

He looked at me his face so close I coukdy feel his warm breath on my face.

"She's my baby girl" he said.

He looked me in the eye and I could feel the intensitiy or his stare,I couldn't look away and miss the pain
his black eyes told.
"Now I have you and Qiniso to protect" he said running his cold finheey down my cheek.

"You are beautiful Mnyamande" he said.

"Ngwane" I said closing my eyes.

He kept his thumb on my lip parting it.

"One night I was looking up in the sky and I saw the beauty of the it but the stars made it mystical. In
that very moment you crossed my mind and I knew you were my shinning star" he said.

I opened my eyes and he had already pulled away just staring at me.

"It wouldn't be fair on you" he said shaking his head.

I woke up to an empty bed with a note written "I am sorry about last night" It said.

He must have put me to bed and saw it best to leave.

I was hoping to see him I don't know why but that's what I was hoping for.

The door opened and Sthandile walked in with a tray of toast and tea.

I haven't been able to stomach anything other than this.

"Morning and here's your breakfast" she said settling next to me.

"Thank you" I said smiling.

"Oh don't thank me this is all bhuti's hansyy work he just left" she said.

"And he didn't say goodbye" I said louder than I should have.

"He's like that especially when he has rush somewhere" she said.

"Now I truly believe that you are his wife, he doesn't like people in his personal space" she said.

"And what about Lilitha" asked.

She looked at me tilting her head.

"She used to visit during the day but never spent the night" she said.

"Sis Nkanyezi how did you meet my brother and why did you keep Qiniso a secret, Ma says it was a
family decision but I don't believe it" she said shaking her head.

"Sthandile you're just imagining things" I said.

It's clear that Sthandile is a princess who believes in the good in everyone. She's in the dark and I am not
about to bring her in her in the light.

She should just stay in her happy clouds.

"All I know is that the tension in this is too much and my brother is'nt himself" she said.
I held her hand and smiled.

"Your brother loves you and why you don't you take Qiniso out for icecream" I said.

She smiled and gave me a hug.

ZOTHILE

I took time and went to see Ngtheni I haven't been to him since the wedding. I trust this man with my
life and I owe almost everything to him.

Many have tried to take me down only to come second best, I have had hits on my life but with
Ngetheni by my side all my enemies have perished.

"I was expecting you" he says.

I remove my should and settle down.

"Then you must know why I am here" he say.

He looks at me and shakes his head.

"Sbopho useyaphuma emgqeni" I say.

"And what were you expecting bringing that girl into your house" he says looking calm.

"I thought seeing her everyday would remind him of what he did,that he would be reminded of the
monster he is" I say

"And if you keep pushing you will lose your son forever" he says.

"He still regards you as his fatywet despite all you have done but that woman has hold over him" he
says.

"He feels indebted to her for what he did" I say.

"No but she has his heart" he says.

"That's impossible" I say

"And she's with a child,I saw that on their wedding day" he says.

I look at him and say nothing. This is impossible she can't be pregnant not unless the child is that lf her
lover.
"Is Sbopho the father" I ask.

"That I don't know but listen to me Zothile if you touch her even I won't be able to help you and your
son will your downfall" he says.

"I know you are keeping him on a tight leash using Mamzobe and the kids but there's only so much that
he can take. You keep feeling his heart with and you are warned" he says.

"Ngtheni you know I hate riddles" I say.

"Beware of the wrath of the ancestors they can only turn their a blind eye for so long" he says

I look at him and think about the baby Nkanyezi is carrying. My gut feeling tells me that Mthandeni is
not father and that the Sotobe boy is the father.

If that's the case then word needs reach him, I know he will want to be a part of the child's life messing
with what's Mthandeni's.

I know my son because I made him and he doesn't not take kindly to completion, if what Ngtheni says is
true then he will definitely kill that Sotobe boy and Nkanyezi will be left heartbroken.

It will be the end or whatever is going on between the two of them.

NKANYEZI

Lwazi decide to pay me a visit and take me out for dinner, I wasn't expecting her visit all I was looking
foward too was spending the night in bed and reading a book.

I was hoping to spend some time my son and maybe tell him about the baby.

As of this morning I moved into Mthandeni's bedroom. I don't think I have ever seen such a organised
and clean room before.

I should have worn something thicker this dress Isn't doing me any justice, it's cold and Lwazi over here
has on the sexiest leather skirt on with ankel boots.

My outfit is a black short loose dress topped up with thigh high boots.

Lwazi's man the rich one had booked them into this beautiful expensive restaurant but he couldn't make
it. So he told her to take a friend as everything has already been paid for.

We get to our table and it's set beautifully clearly this was meant to be a romantic night.

"This place looks grand" I say.

"Sibonga ubaby mana that man knows how to spoil a woman" Lwazi says.

"Thank you for taking me out" I say.

"You needed to get some air and what better way than a girls night out" she says.

I would have loved for Lwandle to be here but he's in a new relationship and we all know how the
honeymoon faze is.

"I think we should use this to pay for the most expensive bottle of wine in this joint" I say taking out
Mthandeni's card.

Lwazi loves her wine it would be a sin not to spoil her.

"So you haven't given back the card" she says with a mischievous smile.

I am too embarrassed to say anything that's how much I love money.

"It is your husband's money mana asiyidle" she says laughing.

"I have fallen in love with this card it's my second baby" I say kissing.

"In that case we can go shopping tomorrow after work" she says.

"Hayi Lwazi uthanda imali" I say.

she looks at me laughs.

"Says the person holding someone's card hostage" she says raising up her hand snapping her fingers.

"Look at you acting all spoilt and maintenance" I say.

"It's not me it the rich people energy In here rubbing off me" she says laughing.

"Oh my word don't look but third table on your right is Mthandeni and some fine arse nonkroyi" she
says.

The waiter gives me my card.

"He's looking around oh my word he's looking this way" she says using one of the menus to hide herself.

Trust Lwazi to be dramatic even when it's not necessary.

I take a leap of faith and subtly turn looking, I find him already talking to our waiter and looking at ou
table.

Our eyes meet till I move them to the lady dinning with him.

She's pretty gorgeous and those legs are long,she looks like just walked out of a photo shoot. I think
she's a model and the way she's smiling at him.

I turn and look at Lwazi.

"Are you okay" she asks.

"Of course why wouldn't I be" I say taking a look at my plate.

"I will be right back" I say rushing out.

I get to the outside and breathe taking in the clean air.

I hate being pregnant either I can't stomach anything or everything smells bad.

"You shouldn't be drinking Mnyamande" he says behind me.

I don't want to look at him he probably thinks I am stalking him.

"I am not following you if that's what's you think" I say.

"I know" he says breathing down my neck.

I turn and face him almost bumping into his face.

He looks at me from head to toe and takes off his jacket.

"Awugcokile Mnyamande" he says shaking his head.

I want him to say that again it sounds bettwe coming from him.

He looks at my chest and keeps his eyes there. I follow his eyes and my nipples seem to have a life of its
own fighting to be seen and released.

"My body is just reacting to the cold" I say.

He gives me a side smile moving closer placing his jacket over my shoulders.

"Should I take you home" he asks still standing close to me.

I will never get used to his cologne it always cripples me into doing nothing and allowing him to reel me
in.

"No" I say.

"Why" he asks placing both his hands on my waist.

"I don't want to leave Lwazi behind" I say.

He chuckles and nods.

"I never pictured you as the restaurant type" I say.

He looks at me intensely starring at me running his one hand down till it reaches my thigh.

"I am sorry" he says moving his hand from my thigh.

He almost took me back to that place but looking into his eyes pulled me back.

"Nkanyezi" Lwazi calls out

He pulls away clearing his throat.

"I will see you home" I say.

......

NKANYEZI

022

I don't know if this is good but Mthandeni and I have been sharing his bedroom, I have moved in and he
even made space for me In his closet and bathroom.

We share his bedroom but not his bed, he sleeps on the floor and I make sure that's it's comfy enough
for him to be able to wake up early in the morning.

I appreciate his efforts and if this keeps Zothile out of my business then I am fine by it.

He wakes up earlier than me and always leaves a note behind. I am getting used to this note thing of his,
this one morning I woke up and there was nothing next to me literally nothing.

I spent my entire morning sulking and on a war path, these hormones have me going from a zero to a
hundred instantly.

It's funny how the little things he does make me appreciate him.

He's an amazing father to my son and the human better part of me appreciates him.

Qiniso has a solid father figure in his life,he has all that he's ever wanted a mommy and daddy together
in one room.

We are having breakfast together and I am sitting next to Mthandeni.

I have been wearing loose clothes to accomodate my growing belly.

"You two look happy this morning" his mother says.

I woke up to a whole bouquet of white roses next to me.

"How can I not be happy when I wake up next to the most beautiful woman In the world" Mthandeni
says looking at me.

"Please don't start its bad enough that you two act like teenagers outside now you bring these
tendencies to the table" Msizi says.

"Let them be can't you see he's happy" Sthandile says.

"I didn't know you two were this happy" Zothile says
"I guess I was tired of sneaking around to my wife's bedroom" Mthandeni says kissing my hand.

I look at him and smile.

"You try being this happy baba its good for the soul" Mthandeni says.

Zothile doesn't have a soul Mthandeni is just wasting his time.

I feel this sharp pain from my abdomen placing my hand there.

"My love" he says kneeling next to me putting his hand where mine is.

We share a stare till another truck load of pain hits me.

"Mthandeni" I say gasping.

Mamzobe stands up coming next to me.

"Breathe sis just breathe" she says.

I nod squeezing Mthandeni's hand till the pain subsides.

He looks at his father and I know this evil man already knows what's going on.

"I was going to wait till Mnyamande was in a better space but seeing that the right time will never
come" he says clearing his throat.

"Mnyamande is expecting my second child" he says convincingly.

"How and far along is she" Zothile asks.

"Hawu baba even I know how it's called human reproduction" Sthandile says.

"That's not important but all you need to know is that you're going to be a grandfather" Mthandeni says
helping me up.

He gives his father a stern look before we walk away.

Mthandeni drove me to work and walked me class making sure that I was okay.

By the time he left with Qiniso who chose not to go school. All my female colleagues were gathered in
my class asking about the bald man who just left.

Lwazi had to escort them out of class.

I am not used to being center of attention especially when it involves Mthandeni.

The smell of expensive perfume and the clinging sound of stilettos makes me lift up my head.

I only realise when she moves closer that it's Lilitha.

"Lilitha" she says extending her hand.

I don't know if this is a new way of greeting.

I look at her hand and stand up.

"Hello my name is Nkanyezi,may I help you with something" I ask.

"I just wanted to look at the woman sleeping with my man" she says.

My mouth drops at her statement.

"Excuse me" I say blinking.

"How do you sleep at night knowing you are stealing him from me" she says.

I am lost for words this has never happened to me before.

"I know the likes of you reeling in men with your innocent looks and beauty" she says.

I will take the latter as a compliment rather than an insult.

"Yey wena nonkroyi" Lwazi says.

See I might be ghetto(ish) but Lwazi is down low ghetto ghetto.

"Lwazi" I say.

Lilitha looks at me and shakes her.

"Stay away from him" she says.

"How can she stay away from her husband" Lwazi asks.

"I wasn't speaking to you this is between me and this man stealer" Lilitha says.

Oh wow her claws are sharpened and she's not afraid to run her mouth.

"Nkanyezi hold me before I sit on her skinny behind" Lwazi says.

I want to laugh but this is serious.

"I don't know what you and Ngwane have going on but you can't come into my class and insult me" I
say.

"I was hoping that we talk woman to woman but clearly you know nothing about class" she says.

Wait she's the one who walked in here and demanded I stay away from her man.

"Yey awukahle Shirley Brown" I say raising up my hand..

"Tell her mana this is not the suburb I will mop this floor with you uswabe" Lwazi says.

I am glad the kids are out for lunch this just keeps escalating.

"You don't know half of things I have been through with that man" she says.

She shakes her head walking away.

.

I had a long day full of surprises. After Lilitha's visit I was called to the principal's office and asked if I still
loved my job.

I knew this day would come with the days off work that I have been taking.

I got home and hit the shower and took a nap but this was before I offloading to Mamzobe who laughed
and blamed it on the hormones.

I still can't believe she came to my office and I have always pictured him as a meaty type.

The bedroom door opens and his cologne immediately fills the room.

I close my eyes pretending to be asleep this usually doesn't work on Qiniso, that kid will probe and prod
till I am fully awake.

I feel the weight on the bed meaning he just sat next to me.

"Nkanyezi" he says.

I like the tone of his voice and the way it comes, I could listen to him everyday.

"Mnyamande are you asleep" he asks.

Darn it like father like son he just won't go away.

I says nothing for a while till I hear a camera sound go off.

Sly dog is taking pictures of me in my sleep, well pretend sleep but he's doing it.

I feel a blanket cover me up and a kiss on the cheek.

"I guess I will give you your gift later then" he says getting off.

Now all I want is to open up my eyes and see my gift.

I hear the shower run and the sound of him whistling, I want to know what's going on till I hear his belt
being undone.

Dammit I should have walked out of here when I had the chance, am I even allowed to take a peak and
why is my bladder suddenly getting full.

I moan just enough for to get his attention.

"Ubungalele kwasekuqaleni" he says laughing.

I rub my eyes thereafter I am not about to betray the struggle like that.
I sit up straight and look at him only left with his briefs on.

I swallow hard trying my best not to look at him but fail immensely.

He looks at me and smile.

"I thought you were asleep" he says wrapping a towel around his lower body, okay there goes my view
and those thigs and calves this man is friends with the gym.

"I was but now I am awake" I say.

He nods with a smile coming closer to me.

"I got you something" he says giving me a black bag.

I open it up and find a journal shucks I thought it was something sparkly or foody.

"Don't be disappointed this is to jot down everything and nothing about your pregnancy" he says.

I never thought of that and the gesture makes me happy.

"Thank you" I say.

"I am sorry about Lilitha" he says.

I look at him shocked this man doesn't owe me any explanations.

"She's your girlfriend and she has every right to fight for you" I say.

"Is there something to fight about" he asks.

I shake my head not looking at him.

"I won't be sleeping home tonight" he says clearing his throat.

This is the first time he's told me he won't be sleeping home.

"I will also sleep at Lwazi's" I say.

He scrunchies his nose just like Qiniso,his not hearing this in fact he doesn't want to get it.

"Angiyizwa kahle lento yakho" he says shaking his head.

I give him a blank stare what!!

"You can't we have an early morning tomorrow" he says.

"Its okay I will attend the doctor's meeting alone" I say.

"You know what neither of us should sleep outside tonight I will cancel" he says.

"Are you sure" I ask.

He nods standing up.

"I was hoping to catch up on my series" I say.

He gives me a questioning look.

"House or The Blacklist" I ask.

"You choice of series is questionable" he says.

"Ngwane" I say.

He smiles nervously running his hand over his heard.

"Awuphinde futhi just for the sake of us being parents" he says.

I never realised that I used his clan name much till Mamzobe called me out on it.

"Ngwane" I say standing up.

"Where are you going" he asks.

"You will need some privacy so I will down in the kitchen in Ma" I say.

He walks up to me making me sweat.

"You can't walk out like this Mamzobe might think I was doing something to you" he says fixing up my
blouse.

His hands trail off from my shoulders to my belly and settle there.

"I know he's not mine but he's a part of you and Qiniso" he says looking me in the air.

"I should go now" I say.

My hands are breathing water he's too close and naked,couldn't he chose a struggle between the two.

..........

Was supposed to be yesterday's second dose but I fell asleep sorry.....

NKANYEZI

023

Things have been happening so fast between Mthandeni and I that I don't even know where we stand.
Are we turning this farce of a marriage into a real thing or we are just co-parenting and co-existing.

I don't even trust myself around this man anymore the way he looks at me makes me tremble.

I have so many thoughts going through my mind its scary what if he's doing all this just to make me
forgive him. I have seen the better human side of him but what if it's all an act and I am being
blindsided.
Last week we visited his family and those people are loving just like his mother and Sthandile. Even
though I was asked how can I look at him in the eye after what he has done to me let alone have him
touch me.

And the answer is simple I don't know, I asked Pearl what this whole thing means and she was quick to
says " Don't you want to heal and be able to look at man without hating them" she said.

The truth in all this is that I will never look at men the same. There will always be that terrified little girl
inside me wary of men.

We decided to tell Uhuru about his coming brother or sister and he was so excited.

I called him to our bedroom after I had laughed my lungs out at how nervously Mthandeni was pacing
up and down.

I couldn't help notice the way his shirt looked like it was ready to rip and I would be exposed to all that.

The popped veins on his arms and how I pictured myself being in those strong arms.

Uhuru walked in and went straight to his father.

"Sawbona baba" my son said in the most cutest voice ever.

I looked at the poor man who had sweat on his forehead.

What's so hard about telling your son there is another baby coming.

"See he's making it hard for me you tell him" he said.

I had to laugh for a moment and compose myself.

"Uhuru your dad has something to tell you" I said looking at his father.

"Okay" he said coming to sit next to me.

Mthandeni made his way to us and went lm his knee looking at Uhuru.

"So mommy has a surprise for us" he said looking at me.

"Vula Mnymande" he said.

I looked at him flushed the way he said "Vula" had me experiencing a moment.

He gave me a side smile and lifted up my blouse.

"Mommy is carrying someone special in here" he said.

"Really" Uhuru said with a smile.

"Yes and you are going to be a big brother" Mthandeni said.

Uhuru looked at him then back at me.

"Daddy are we having a baby" he asked.

Mthandeni nodded.

"But I don't want a new baby he's going to take you away from" Uhuru said.

He turned and looked at me.

"Who put you there mama get it out" he said poking my belly.

What the kid is only this many five and he speaks like this.

"Uhuru" Mthandeni called out.

He looked at his father with a scrunched nose.

"No one is going to take us away from you okay we love you" he said looking at me.

"And the new baby" Uhuru asked.

"We also love the baby" Mthandeni said.

"Can I count on you to look out for the new baby"Mthandeni asked.

Uhuru nodded his head While his father gave him a hug.

"I am sorry baby" he said looking at my belly.

"I am never doing this again" Mthandeni said shaking his head.

Today we're seeing the doctor I couldn't ask for time off so I used my lunch break as an escape.

I am getting used to Mthandeni's doctor friend he's slowly becoming family.

I already know the procedure and things go smoothly my baby is growing and there's nothing with her
so far.

I am excited about this baby despite the circumstances I have a feeling she's going to bring about peace
in my life.

I will protect this baby with everything in me do what my father failed to do.

I won't leave my kids like Mamzobe did.

"All done the baby is doing well which is great and your blood pressure is stable" The doctor says with a
smile.

He gives me copies of the baby scan before walking out.

"I think you should have one" I say handing him a copy.

He looks at it and smiles.

"I have never had this" he says looking at me.

"What about Lilitha didn't you guys ever talk about having a baby" I ask.

"I never saw myself fathering anyone's child not when I have my own demons" he says.

"We should go home and show your son this and watch him have a fit" he says laughing.

"He takes after you" I say standing up.

He takes my bag and opens the door for me.

We walk out and the first person I see on the parking lort is Melusi leaning on his car the sun is doing
justice to his skin he looks good.

Mthandeni wraps his arm around my waist walking towards our car.

Melusi strides towards meeting us half way.

"Nkanyezi" he says.

"What do you want" Mthandeni asks.

He looks at my belly and deeply sighs.

"I am sorry about the other day" he says.

I know he. That day was unfortunate and he wasn't himself so I understand.

Mthandeni looks irritated and judging by the way he's breathing things are about to go sour.

"Can we speak in private" he asks.

Mthandeni laughs shaking his head.

"You lost that right the day you kicked her out of your house" Mthandeni says.

"Stay out of this Khanyile she's my woman and the mother of my child" Melusi says.

Mthandeni steps foward standing head to head with him.

"Lalela ungizwe ung'zwisie Nkanyezi is my wife and this child is mine" He says.

"Is this true" Melusi asks

I have to think about my child Mthandeni did say something of this sort would happen now that Zothile
knows about my pregnancy.

"Melusi just leave" I say.

"Nkanyezi I deserve to know if this is my child. I need to know" he says begging me.

"Awuzwa yin kuthiwe haaag ay'gubhe" Mthandeni says taking my hand.

I look at him and walk past.

"This is not over if the child is mine I will take him or her away I will not let my child be raised by a rapist"
Melusi says.

"As if your family is any better your father tried to rape me Melusi, he pinned me down and tried to rape
me so I could stay away from you that's your father. Now tell me when you take my child you think I will
stand by and watch think again" I say.

He looks at me and shakes his head.

"No he wouldn't" he says.

"Yes he would because he did and so please just let me be" I say.

I see the tears in his eyes seeing him this hurt hurts me I wasn't planning on telling him but he forced my
hand by threatening to take my child.

I no longer felt like going to work and Mthandeni drove me straight home.

I objected to him walking me inside the house it wasn't necessary and so he didn't

Not that it made an difference he barely said a word when we got inside the car.

I bumped into Zothile on my way to my bedroom he roughly grabbed me by my arm and slammed me
against the wall.

"What game are playing with my son" he asked seething.

"I am not playing anything now leave me alone" I said trying to get or his tight painful grip.

His grip tightened making me wince in pain.

"You're hurting me" I said.

He let go of my arm breathing heavily.

"I know that the child is not his and trust me no bastard child is welcome in my house" He said.

"Then I guess we should move out of your house" I said.

I was tired and this conversation was just dragging draining the life out of me.

"I will make your life a living hell you will be sorry" he said walking away.

I wake up to Mthandeni sitting next to me.

"Why didn't you tell me" he asks.

"You did it and no one hunted you down" I say.

I shouldn't have said that but it just slipped my tongue.

He nods running his eyes on me till they settle on my arm.

"What happened" he asks touching my arm.

I look at him and shrug my shoulders.

"I don't know" I say.

"Don't lie to me Mnyamande who did this" he shouts.

"Your father" I say.

He rushes out with me following behind.

"Mthandeni calm down" I say.

His steps grow further till he reaches the dinning finding his father reading a newspaper.

He grabs his father by the collar slamming him against the wall.

"Mthandeni" his mother says.

"Stay out of this ma" Mthandeni says not letting go.

His father looks livid and shocked at the turn of events.

"Nkanyezi khuluma naye" his mother says looking at me.

"Ngwane please don't do this" I say.

Msizi is standing next to me holding me back.

"I warned you" Mthandeni says.

"Do it hit your own father because of a woman" Zothile says.

He looks at me a smile whispering something to Mthandeni.

He let's Zothile go and collapses to the floor landing on his knees.

I watch him kneel in front of his father like a slave to a master.

"Ngwane" I say my voice coming out in a whisper.

He looks vulnerable and at his father's mercy.

"What did you do to him umenzeni" I ask.

"I can break you anytime I want" Zothile says moving out of the way.

I rush to Mthandeni's side and find him in tears his eyes cast to the ground.
"Msizi please help me" I say.

Msizi helps me get him to our bedroom with his mother following behind.

"Mthandeni" she says.

"No you don't get to say that you left them Ma I would never leave my kids behind but you did. look at
him Lord knows what your husband did to him" I say wiping my tears.

I close the door behind them helping him into the shower I have always thought a cold shower brings
things into perspective.

He doesn't fight me but obliges to my every move.

He sits on the cold shower and breaks down.

I bite my lower lip this is the first time I have seen him break down like thi.

"Ngwane please don't cry" I say letting my own tears fall.

He can't even lift his face up to look at me I pull him close to my chest and after a few minutes into me
holding him he wraps his arms around me.

I pull away and place both my hands on his face making him look at me.

"I promise I will free you from that man even if it's the last thing I do" I say.

The warm water drips down his face and it's hard to see the tears.

The colour of his eyes right now is the only thing telling me he's In pain.

I leave wet kisses all over his face hoping it soothes his pain.

I close my eyes locating his lips with mine I find them warm and wet with a dash of fading salt from his
falling tears.

"Mnyamande" he says breathing heavily running his hands up my thighs.

I am comfortably sitting ontop of him with my hands resting on his head.

He swifly stands up with him and gentle pins me against the cold tile.

His lips brush against mine and I can't help it anymore I lean close showing him want this.

He gives me a soft gentle kiss that soon turns into a steamy passionate kiss that has me grinding on him.

He bites and pulls my lower lip pressing himself against me.

........

NKANYEZI
024

Things almost went too far when he lifted my shirt up and gently started sucking on my boobs and then
played with my nipple.

I could feel his teeth grazing on my hard nipples and his hard manhood pressing up against me.

I couldn't help but keep grinding on him while he held me still against the wall. My hands held his head
while he kissed my neck nibbling on my ear.

He stopped and looked at me devouring my lips like they were his source of life.

I didn't think he would be able to hold me up that long but he did and saw it best to walk out with him
still holding me.

He placed me on the bed wet as we were and took off my pants leaving wet kisses down my thighs.

He came up running his hands up my thighs till they reached my arse lifting me up.

I felt his teeth tug at my undies making me gasp he used them to pull down my panties all the way to my
toes.

I didn't know he has a foot fetish but he got stuck on my toes sucked them turning me on completely.

I ended up pulling him up to my head and giving him a kiss, he snuck his hand under my shirt and
massaged my boobs making me moan.

He moved on and parted my legs and settled his hand on my private seething.

I closed my eyes gasping for air when I felt his tongue finding it's way around my walls.

I grabbed on the covers and ended up holding down his head because of the pleasure he was giving me.

He moved his tongue from my hole to my clit using his finger to rub on my throbbing clit.

I moaned spreading my legs a bit more while his one hand held my arse so close to his face. He bit on my
labia sending me to the edge and then blew some air pulling on it.

He stopped and came up for air kissing me we hadn't said anything to each only ourt emotions and
bodies were doing the talking.

He looked into my eyes and just stared at me slowly pushing finger inside me then muffling gasp with a
kiss.

He went down on me againg and the used both his finger and tongue, he moved his tongue from my clit
to my but hole and that intensified things.

"Ngwa... Ngwane oh Ngwane" I said trembling.

This was different more amazing and intense it felt like I had just had my first orgasim ever.

I thought he was done with me but I was wrong I did cum over and over again with just his tongue.

He cleaned me up using his tongue and for the life of me I wanted more, I tried going his bulging pants
but he stopped him and pulled away.

"What's wrong" I asked catching my breath.

He stood there and looked at me in just his pants giving me time to appreciate his body.

The sacars giving him the warrior look and God of some sort them Achilles came to mind.

I stood up clasping my legs and and stood behind him.

Mthandeni is tall so I kissed his back and and held his wrists. I heard him sigh and try to pull away but I
tightened my hold and he wasn't about to push a pregnant woman away.

I moved my hands and placed them on his chest resting my head on his back.

"What ever that man says you have me and Qiniso and that's what's important okay" I said.

"I don't know what he did but I am sorry I hate him Ngwane I hate that man" I found myself saying.

He turned and looked at me cupping my chin.

I looked into his teary eyes and he kissed my forehead.

"Nyota my shinning star" he said kissing my eyes.

"Say the word and I will do it" he said.

I know he was referring to his father but killing him won't work.

"You need to heal from whatever he has done to you make him see that he didn't create a monster.
That he didn't break you so please don't allow him to hurt you any further" I said.

"I don't know how" he said clenching his jaw.

I put my hand his jaw and kissed him.

"Well you have me and we will figure it out" I said.

I couldn't allow him to sleep on the floor so we shared the bed.

Qiniso came home with Sthandile and I was glad they missed all that drama.

He saw that his father was sleeping and decided to go to his uncle Msizi.

And I stayed next to Mthandeni watching him he looks so at peace less conflicted when sleeping.
I have been watching him like a creep but he's so handsome his thick eye brows and long lashes make
him sexy.

I notice the sweat on his forehead and decide against it wiping it.

I move to the window and call my mother.

"Hello my baby" she says.

Hearing her voice makes me want to cry.

"Nkanyezi what's wrong is the baby fine" she asks.

"Mama I miss you" I say.

She deeply sigh and I hear some shuffling going on.

"I am coming to get you is that okay" she asks.

I quickly shake my head and say "No"

"Then talk to me what's wrong" she says.

I tell her what transpired between Mamzobe and I and she gives me an earful before coming down.

"Where are you know" she asks.

"In my bedroom" I say.

"I want you to get out of that bedroom go look for Mamzobe and apologies. I didn't raise like this
Mnyamande to disrespectful hayi" she says.

"But mama she's the.." she cut me short.

"We all have our faults Nkanyezi and the bible says we shouldn't judge" she says softly.

"Can Qiniso and I come over" I say.

"What kind of a question is that of course you can come I miss you guys" she says .

"I love you mama" I say.

"I love you now go and apologies" she says.

I end the call and look at Mthandeni he's fast asleep and maybe that's when he finds peace only when
his eyes are closed.

I get my sleepers and head to the kitchen I find Mamzobe already preparing the pots.

"Ma I am sorry I didn't mean what I said I was angry and just slipped" I say.

She looks at me and shakes her head.

"I forgive you but I want you to know that I didn't leave my kids behind because I wanted too. Zothile
made my life a living hell and I tried fighting for them I truly did and Mthandeni he fought for me and
Zothile fought back" she says woping her tears.

"Zothile did things to him that he won't talk about and I only heard them from Msizi. Nkanyezi I can't
even ask what happened because I am afraid of what he might tell me" she says.

I feel my own tears nearing.

"You care about him and thank you" she says smiling.

"Ma you go rest I will cook" I say.

"Are you sure" she asks.

"Yes you can sit down while I make you a nice cup of tea" I say.

"Thank you" she says.

Yesterday was hectic but we got through the day but what puzzled me was how Zothile was able to sit
on that table and eat like nothing happened.

I wanted to shove my steak knife on his chest and twist the damn thing.

Mthandeni ate then took his son for a drive I don't know why and I did not ask.

I just saw how his face lit up when he saw Qiniso and I knew I shouldn't say anything.

The door opens and shuts bringing me back. Mthandeni walks in and opens his safe taking out the gun.

I don't know what's going on or how to ask seeing that we haven't spoken about the shower or bed
incident.

He changes clothes and puts on his track suits.

"What's going on" I ask standing up.

"I have to take care of something" he says.

"And when are you coming back" I ask.

He looks at me saying nothing.

"Mthandeni when we you be back" I ask.

"I will be back before you know it" he says.

"Msizi is waiting for me" he says looking at me.

"Bengicela ukulala nawe namuhla" he says.

"You will find your side of the bed waiting for you" I say.

He nods and hesitate giving me hug and he settles for a kiss on the forehead.

Moments after him the door opens and Qiniso walks in.

"Mommy" he says.

"Yes my boy" I say.

"Baba says I should come protect you and the baby" he says jumping on the bed.

I look at him smile he looks so much like his father you would swear he was denying him.

I just pray and hope that he's going to be okay wherever he is.

"Please come home safe and thank you for the bodyguard"

I press send and shove my phone under the pillow.

Its late in the night when I hear the bathroom door shuts and Qiniso being taken.

"Mthandeni" I say.

"Sshhh go back to sleep" he says.

I can smell his shower jell meaning he took one.

He comes back and cuddles me placing his hand on my breast.

"You're so warm" he says.

I guide his hand to my cookie close my eyes

"I am glad that you okay" I say.

He moves his hand inside my pants and holds me tight.

............

NKANYEZI

025
These past months have been both trying and hard on me not that anything much has changed but
things are getting better.

I am slowly finding my feet in all this and trying so hard not to lose myself and drown.

The pregnancy is going so well that the doctor is impressed with my progress.

I am way past the morning sickness atage but I am always tired and I feel like an ugly whale.

My feet are constantly aching and swollen but at least I get a foot rub once in a while.

Qiniso has fully fallen inlobe with the baby and is taking his big brother duties very seriously. While him
and Sthandile are close Msizi feels like he's losing his football partner.

I never thought I would say this but having the Khanyile's been a blessing of its own, o have a new family
that loves each other well beside that monster Zothile of course.

Apart from seeing that man all the time this house is liveable, speaking of the devil he is out of town for
business.

And in his absence the whole house feels at peace and everyone is happy.

Mtha laughs more and that's huge because he rarely laughs.

Although he hasn't made any sexual advance after that whole shower scene he holds my hand more and
beside the morning note I also get a kiss.

I am still torn when it comes to this man he's complex difficult he's just an enigma yet I find myself
wanting every piece of him.

He listens and comforts and he's the best dad for our son.

Comparing pregnancies this is the smoothest and most easiest the support I am getting is over
whelming.

Mtha might not be the father but he plays the part so well he caters to my every need making sure he
feeds all my cravings anytime of the day.

He makes time to ask if I am okay now can I not be conflicted when it comes to him.

I told my mother about my feelings and she wouldn't hear none of it.

"Ungangilingi Nkanyezi you will not utter those words with your mouth not after what him, his father
and yours did" she said.

I decided to steer away from that topic and talked about the baby.

Her best comes out each time I talk about Qiniso or the baby.

I love that woman and lately she's been talking divorce but my father refuses to give her one. Things
between me and my father are still rocky but he's still my father and he has been remorseful. I haven't
cut him out of my life which is huge but Zweli still blames him for everything.

Back to Mthandeni a week ago he took me to one of the buildings he owns and we went to the rooftop.
We watched the stars without saying anything just our hands entwined.

We were in the comfort of silence and that alone spoke volumes.

"I used come here and look at the stars searching for that one that would shine bright" he said.

"And did you ever find it" I asked looking at him.

"Yes I did. Its you it has always been you Mnyamande" he said.

I didn't know what to say so I said nothing and looked to the sky.

"Will you ever look at me without thinking about that night" he asked.

I said nothing and I heard him sigh.

"Ngwane" I said.

"Yes" he said looking at me.

"Stars can never be without the sky they can never shine bright or to their fullest without the darkness
of the sky.

You are that sky and for now that should be enough" I said.

I saw hope in his eyes and he held me tight.

The following day he took me to his favourite restaurant and we had the best steak ever.

"Cha uyadla last born" he said.

I look at him giggling I had just finished the best plate of shortribs that fell off the bone.

"Why that" I asked.

He smiled and shook his head.

"Ngimdala Mnyamande kakhulu futhi" he said still looking at me.

"Age is just that a number" I said.

He couldn't stop laughing and I couldn't stop blushing.

"I should get you home before you eat the whole restaurant" he said.

"Oh maybe I could just eat you" I found myself saying.

His eyes grew wide in amusement and desire.

I woke up craving pickles, pickled beetroot and some wings and those juicy ribs with a tub of vanilla
icecream.

My husband took it up himself to go to the shops and still make his way to the market for my beetroot.
I walk out of the bathroom lotion up and wear my undergarments settling on the bed.

This little munchkin just won't let up she's been on my right side for a few minutes now.

The door opens before o could reach for my robe.

"I am sorry I didn't know you're naked" he says starring.

I am in my bra and undies so scratch naked.

"Its okay" I say rubbing my belly.

He puts the bags down and makes his way to me.

"Still at it again" he asks.

I nod my head avoiding eye contact.

"Let me kiss it better" he says kissing my forehead then my belly.

He gets behind me and uses the pillow to lean on giving me a back and belly belly rub.

I close my eyes picturing him running his hands down my thighs and kissing my neck.

"Nkanyezi" he says.

"Mmmm" he laughs at my response but Lord this son of yours has magic hands.

"What would you as if I asked you to stay home" he says.

"Stay home" I say.

"I mean leave your job" he says clearing his throat.

"Ngwane I can't you know I love my job" I say turning to look at him.

"I am not saying forever but till the baby is old enough" he says.

"You know I have the means and I promise I will take care of you" he says.

"I don't want to depend on a man that's not how I was raised" I say.

His offer sounds tempting but I will go mad staying home doing nothing.

"I don't know" I say.

"Just think about it" he says kissing my cheek.

He has a point Qiniso knows me as the drop off and pick up mom then we spend the weekends
together. He knows that mommy works hard for us to have a good life but now we have a rich daddy.

"I am not against you working I just want you to know that I can take care of you and the kids" he says.

You know I was thinking of giving his card back but on second thoughts I will keep it.
Mthandeni dropped me of the restaurant to meet the girls that was two hours ago but the trips I have
been making to the toilet this pregnancy is showing me flames.

I haven't seen Lwandle and Lwazi in such a long time and today has to count.

"You look great Mana this pregnancy is doing you good" Lwandle says.

"That's not what Mtha thinks" I say sipping on my water.

"What has he seen that arse clearly not" Lwandle says.

"What you should be saying is Nkanyezi why do you even care what that man thinks" Lwazi says.

"Does it matter though" Lwandle asks.

"Of course because this one is falling for him" she says.

They are talking as if I am not here.

"I really think I am" I say.

"Are you crazy or just horny because if it's the latter then I will understand you need some dick" she
says. .

"I want him to make love to me" I say looking down.

"I give up" she says.

"So wanting his dick is okay but falling for him is wrong okay" Lwandle says.

"We're not fighting right" I say.

"No" they both say.

"If I were you I would have long cut his balls in his sleep and fed them to him but you are dreaming of
sucking him till he comes" Lwazi says.

"Aren't you afraid of him anymore" she asked.

"Apart from the past he hasn't given me any reason to be" I said.

"But isn't the past what defines us and paves our way to the future" I looked at her and smiled.

"The beauty of life is that the future is not known to man and you can't allow your past to cripple you. I
don't know what the future holds for me or Ngwane but I want to know and maybe he does too" I say.

"Let the Nonkroyi be if she's happy then so am I" Lwandle says.

"Are you happy" Lwazi asks.

I nod with a smile.

"Alas child this good heart of yours will land you in trouble one day but if you're happy then so are we"
She says.
I smile taking out Mthandeni's card.

"The perks of being married" I say with a huge smile.

"Poor man will go bankrupt faster than he can say Mnyamande" Lwazi says..

"Ladies" Melusi's voice says from behind me.

I feel my heart race and my palms sweat.

He grabs a chair and joins us.

"May I have moment please" he says looking at me.

"Yazi Melusi anikusabi ukufa" Lwandle says standing up together with Lwazi.

He moves closer and reaches for my hand before I can retract it.

"Are you following me" I ask.

"You were not taking my calls I had to do something" he says. .

"You can't be here" I say looking around.

This is Ngwane's favourite place.

"We need to talk" he says.

"I have nothing to say to you" I say.

"I have a way to solve everything if this is my baby then I can hire a hit man that will kill Khanyile and we
can move on with our lives" he says.

There was a time in this whole year I would have jumped at his offer but now things are different.

"If the child is yours" I say baffled.

Could he be thinking the child is not his.

"That's not what I meant Nkanyezi" he says.

I stand up and grab my bag suddenly emotional and ready to burst.

"Stay away from me okay and I mean it" I say.

He grabs my arm pulling me close to him.

I see the manager make its way to us.

"Mam is everything okay" the manager asks looking at Melusi.

"Yes everything is okay thank you" I say

The manager nods walking away.

"Look me in the eye and tell me, tell me that you don't love me anymore" he says.

I still love him and he knows that.

"Melusi just stop" I say"

He leans close making me pull away.

"And what's your father's take in all this" I ask.

He says nothing..

"Did you confront him about what he did to me did you even ask" I say.

He says nothing and right there I have my answer.

"The child is yours but she already has a father" I say making my way to Lwandle and Lwazi's table.

I thought he was going to apologise and ask if the baby is okay but he didn't.

I had to call Msizi to come pick me up because his brother wasn't available. I called but his phone put me
straight to voice mail.

I was disappointed because I was hopping he would be the one picking me up and we would drive
around to be together before going home.

And I couldn't ask neither Lwandle nor Lwazi to drop me off not after the therapy shopping we did.

I wanted to ask Msizi where his brother is but he told me way before I had the chance.

"He's at the gym" he said when taking the bags.

"You're good for him and thank you" He said.

"You don't have to thank me he's not that bad" I said.

"Now he has someone in his corner a family of his own and maybe be will start living" he said.

"You know people think baba is my father but what they don't know is that Mtha is my dad he plays that
role more than Zothile does" he said.

I knew that this was an opportunity for me to ask about their life when their mother was absent.

"Our father wants to leave a legacy behind by all means and he's trying to turn Mtha into him that way
even when he dies he will know his evil spirit lives on" he said shaking his head.
"Msizi what happened to him"

"I don't think it's my place to say anything sis Nkanyezi when he's ready he will tell you" he said.

"Our father used to beat our mother into a pulp till she couldn't so anything and I remember the first
time Mtha fought for her. He was beaten up and thrown outside in the cold sis Nkanyezi he was young
and didn't deserve to be kicked out he was only defending our mother" he said.

"And the second time he stood in front of my father defending our mother and that's when he
repeatedly slammed him against the wall and the worst part is that I couldn't anything because he askes
me to hide. When I called for help and took him to the hospital he had a concussion and a punctured
lung" he said subtly wiping his tears.

All this while I bit my lower lip from crying my eyes out.

"And the scars" I ask.

"Sis Nkanyezi please don't ask me" I nodded and looked to the road.

We got home and the first thing I did was going looking for him.

I found him in the gym going at it and looking all kinds of tempting his hard toned abs and the veins
popping on his arms and the V line to his torso had me drooling.

I haven't moved an inch since standing here just appreciating his body.

"It's rude to stare" he says hugging the punching bag.

"I didn't mean too" I say making my way to the towels then taking one.

"I didn't know you're back" he says drinking water.

I close the gap between us and use the towel to wipe his sweat.

I look at his chest and I can't imagine him lying helples in a pool of his own blood.

He's distant and I don't know why he pulls away.

"How was your day" he asks.

"It was okay thank you it was lovely seeing them" I say.

He nods his eyes still on me.

"And was it nice seeing Melusi" he finally says oh so this is why he's distant.

"Nothing happened we just ran into each other" I say.

"Did he touch you" he asks rubbing his forehead.

"It didn't mean anything" I say.

He shakes his head deeply inhaling.

"Were you going to tell me if I didn't say anything" he says.

I shake my head I wasn't.

"No" I say.

He nods and carries on punching the bag.

"Ngwane" I say.

"It's okay you don't owe me nothing" he says.

I turn before he sees the tears spilling.

"I love you" he says just before I reach the door.

I stop on my tracks and hesitate turning.

"I know it's not fair and I know I shouldn't but I really do" he says.

I turn and the tears are already falling

"I want to make love to you till the sun comes out. I want to make love to you under the sky
Mnyamande I love you" he says.

"I am putting myself on the spot here" he says nervously.

*You will not utter those words with your mouth not after what him, his father and yours did to you*
My mother's words come to mind and I am left saying nothing

"I shouldn't have said anything forgive me" he says clearing his throat.

He goes back to carelessly punching the bag.

*I don't know any other love beside that of my mother's from a young age* the conversation we had
when I asked if Lilitha loved him and he said these exact words.

I move closer and stand stand to him he immediately stops and looks at me with clenched jaws.

"Uzolima Nkanyezi" he says.

I crash into his chest and start weeping these hormones are playing me.

"I want to hear you say it again" I say.

"Huh" he says
"Say it" I say.

He chuckles and holds me tight.

"Nkanyezi Khanyile ngiyakuthanda" he says.

"I love you too" I say.

He pulls away and looks at me squinting his eyes.

"You do" he says.

"I do ngiyakuthanda Ngwane I really do" I say.

He puts his hands on either side of my cheek and kisses me.

.......

I haven't gone awol just that my phone has been at it again and school...

Thank you for the inboxes

NKANYEZI

026

I couldn't believe what I had just said to him. I had uttered those forbidden words and they felt good
telling him that I love him did things to me.

He looked surprised and his eyes got teary when he kissed me. I think we both didn't understand what
was going on and that alone made things intense.

He just told me he loves me and that he wanted to make love to me.

He wasn't expecting me to say anything but I did and to him it seemed and felt like a dream.

I don't know if I made the right call by telling him that I love him. Doesn't this put me in a compromising
position considering our situation I mean he wasn't supposed to tell me.

I think he was supposed to let us be till we figured ourselves out now things are in the open and we both
know we love each other.

He held both my hands and kissed them I had my head looking at his feet.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him not after what I had just said.

"Look at me Mnyamande" he said.

I lifted my head up and looked at him.

"I love you even though it's wrong in so many ways" he said.

"Ngwane ngiyesaba" I said.

"I know but I am here" he said.

I looked at him and I knew that if things were different I would have been a proud woman right now..

"Qiniso must never know how he came to this world" I said.

He shook his head

"That's impossible too many people know" he said.

"I know but no one would be that heartless as to tell him" I said.

He pulled me close and kissed me slowly and longingly.

I wouldn't pull away and he wouldn't too till we heard someone clear their throat.

"Sbopho" his father said making his way in.

He wasn't supposed to be back but I guess he cut his trip shot.

He looked at me then at our entwined hands.

"May I have a word" he said looking at Mtha.

"I'll wait for you in the bedroom" I say kissing his cheek.

"Makoti" his father said nodding his head.

I walked out and stood close to the door listening on their conversation.

"You have fallen for her" Zothile said angrily.

"Baba say your peace and leave" Mtha said sounding annoyed.

"After everything I have done you fall in love" his father said shouting.

"You are not supposed to love Sbopho and definitely not fall for her" he continued.

"I groomed you into being something great superior and I will not let this girl mess everything up" he
said.

"You mean locking me up in a cage was grooming me" Mthandeni aaid.

I couldn't believe my ears what kind of a father does that.

"All I ever did was protect the people I love from you. All I ever wanted was your love but all you ever
did was talk down on me and break me at every chance yoh got" Mtha said.

"You told me that no one could love me well you're wrong Nkanyezi loves me and I love her there's
nothing you can do about it" Mtha said.
"I am your father and I love you" his father said.

"If you did love me then you wouldn't have put me in that situation. You wouldn't have asked made me
to choose between saving Sthandile or raping another man's child but you did because you're a
heartless man. You hurt my mother and chased her out otd home why!! Why!!" his father says nothing.

"A father loves his children and protects them you say you love me but you don't love me baba,you love
what I can become which is a mini you I wish I had killed you the first time you laid your hand on my
mother" Mtha said.

"You don't mean that Mthandeni" his father said.

"I really do ngiyakuzonda baba I don't sleep well at night because of what I did. Her screams keep me up
and her begging tears me apart you did that to me.

My son will hate me when he learns what I did to his mother I wish I wasn't your son"

Mtha said.

I wiped my tears after hearing all this and walked to my bedroom upon hearing footsteps headed
towards the door.

An hour passed before I heard my door open and shut. .

He made his way inside the bed and cuddled me.

"I didn't find you in our bedroom" he said.

I didn't say anything I wanted to forget about their conversation.

"Tell me your truth tell me everything Ngwane"

"Will you stay even after you know my truth" he asked

"I won't know till you tell me" I said.

"Can we go to our bedroom please" he said.

I shook my head.

"Just hold me" I said.

Waking up I couldn't take being in the same room as Zothile so I asked Mthandeni to drop me off at my
mother's place.

And it would make going to my next destination easier which is Melusi's house he called and asked to
see me.

The woman hasn't said anything since Mthandeni left and that has been bugging me.

Well I think she saw Ngwane kissed me and it was a long one.
"Ma would you like some tea" I ask standing you.

"You want to penguin your way to my kitchen and avoid telling me the truth" she says.

"Hlala phansi uyeke ukuphapha" she says.

I quickly put my fat arse back on the couch and twiddle my thumbs.

"I am sorry mama" I say..

"No Nkanyezi you can't love that boy it's not right" she says..

"But mama I do and he loves me how can that be wrong" I ask.

"He raped you Nkanyezi took your innocence in the most inhumane way how can you love him" she
asks.

"I don't know I just do" I say.

she shakes her head..

"Putting you in that house was the biggest mistake now look what's happening you're falling for
him.Nkanyezi what if this is all a plot to lure you in so that you can forgive him what if he's trying to ease
his guilt by saying he loves you" she says.

"Ma things aren't as they seem his father is the evil one he's also a victim" I say.

"He's broken just like me and maybe this is God bringing us together so we can heal" o say.

"Don't you dare bring God into this madness it's these hormones of your playing tricks on you" she says.

"Ma" I say..

"No Nkanyezi that boy might have been through a lot but that has nothing to do with you. A man who
hasn't healed is a wounded man remember that, you can't carry your pain as well as his something has
to give in the end" she says.

"This is one of the things I have prided myself in that my daughter has a good heart, that she looks past
people's mistakes and forgives because her heart allows her not to hold a grudge" she says.

"But in in this case I can't be happy for you and I will never like him" she says.

"I love you Nkanyezi so much but the depth of this relationship is toxic and you know it" she says.

She stands up and heads to the kitchen mumbling to herself.

"You want some food" she asks.

Wow she gives me an earful and then offers me her food this woman.

I made it in time to Melusi's place and I had to switch off my phone to avoid lying about my
whereabouts incase Mthandeni called.
I wasn't going to come but when he mentioned the baby I knew I owed him that at least.

"Why did you call" I asked looking around he cooked and everything.

The second I walked in the smell of his signature dish hit my nostrils and had my mouth watering.

"I asked you here because I wanted to apologise for everything" he said sounding sincere.

"Oh and what changed" I asked.

"I had a talk with my father and and he admitted to everything I want to be a part of our child's life and
see him or her grow" he said moving closer to me.

"But you doubted me" I said.

The thought of him inwardly denying our child didn't sit well with me.

"And I am sorry that I doubted you I just wasn't thinking straight" he said taking my hand into his.

"I never stopped loving you and that's the truth" he said leaning over.

"Melusi" I said swallowing hard.

He put his hand on my cheek our foreheads touching.

"Just this once" he said kissing me.

His hands ran up on my arm till they reached the strip of my tip bringing it down.

Coming home I found Mamzobe in the kitchen singing while cooking.

I had to stand there and just look at her glide through the kitchen happily and at freely.

I also helped her peel the veggies even though she protested at first telling me to sit down.

I asked if we were alone and yes we were Msizi took Sthandile and Uhuru out.

And my husband went out with his father to a business meeting.

I tried calling him and he didn't answer so I sent a text telling him we needed to talk and that was an
hour ago.

I walk out of the bathroom and find him seated on the edge of the bed.
"Ngwane " I say.

He lifts his head up and looks at me I notice the sight of his eyes.

"I didn't hear you come in" I say.

He nods standing up and I notice the glass in his hand.

He gulps down his drink and takes out his phone.

"Here go through my messages" he says.

"Ngwane what's wrong" I ask biting my lip.

"Read the one I got today" He says looking ready to murder someone.

I don't think I have ever since him this angry before because his shaking but trying so hard not to show
it.

"Ngwane you're scarring me" I say.

He throws the phone on the bed and pours himself another drink.

I move slowly to the bed taking his phone my hands shaking.

*She may be your wife but her heart belongs to me and there's nothing you can do about it she's mine*
A text followed by pictures of Melusi and I kissing.

The phone hits the floor when I hear the glass smash against the wall.

"Ungijwayeza ngoskhotheni Nkanyezi" he says breathing heavily.

How could Melusi do this to me and how did he find Mthandeni's number.

"You slept with him" he says..

I shake my head stepping back.

"Is that why you took a bath" he says clenching his fists.

"I didn't I swear I didn't sleep with him" I say.

He scatters everything that's on the table making me scream.

"It was just a kiss nothing more" I say.

The door opens and his mother walks in.

He grabs his jacket and picks up his phone.

"Mthandeni nothing happened please just hear me out" I say moving closer.
He raises his hands up stepping back.

"Don't" he says in a warning tone.

"Ngwane ngiyacela ungahambi Ma talk to him" I say looking at Mamzobe.

"Let him leave he needs to cool down" Mamzobe says.

"He needs to believe me ma I didn't sleep with Melusi azange" I say..

"Thula sis I know you didn't" she says.

She wipes my tears and helps to bed.

"You rest I will bring you something to calm you down" she says.

A sharp pain surges through me making me scream.

"Ma" I say placing my hand on my belly.

I shake my head feeling this indescribable pain.

.....

NKANYEZI

027

MTHANDENI

I don't know what came over me but I had to get out of that house just to breathe and collect myself.

The same woman who spent her her night telling me that she loves me kissed another man.

I didn't want to belive it but the pictures were starring me in the eyes and there was no denying it

Mnyamande was in the hands of another man and there was nothing I could do about it.

She was with the same man whom I know she still loves, the same mab whose child she's carrying and
given the change of circumstances she would be with him.

I wanted to go down there and rearrange Melusi's face but knowing myself it wouldn't have ended
there. And a child would be without a father and Mnyamande would never look at me the same.

Her love and hate relationship towards me would only consist of hate..

I left my job because I took an oath to save lives but in the line of business that I am in I take lives like
they are nothing going against everything I swore to.
I felt my chest tightening and I had to grab my inhaler when I saw those pictures and I knew this woman
will be the death of me.

I remember seeing her that night and I told Msizi that she was the most beautiful thing I had ever since
in this world. Her smile and eyes captured everyone in that room and only she captured my heart.

Her smile can bring any man to their knees but she doesn't even know it.

I feel like the captain of the lost ship a man who loved so dearly he took out his own heart put in a chest
and buried it by the sea.Only mine isn't buried by the sea it in the hands on the hands of the woman I
love

Nkanyezi has my heart in the palm of her hands she could do with it whatever she wants and it would
bleed but still long for her and only her.

I gulp down my drink looking at Lilitha doing an enticing lap dance while taking off her every piece of
clothing.

I guess bumping into her has just come in handy after all.

I decided to go straight to the hotel and just drink till I could face Mnyamande.

She makes her way to me and kneels between my legs brushing her hands. I lay my head back deeply
exhaling while her hands unzip my trousers.

I grunt before holding both her hands and stop her from pulking out my cock.

"What's wrong don't you want me" she asks.

I do,her body can do unspeakable things but a temporary release isn't worth me losing my wife or
breaking her heart.

I zip up my pants and standing up.

"It's her right you're thinking about her after she kissed another man" she says.

I give her a warning look and tilt my head.

"If I wanted your opinion I would have asked" I say.

"You haven't touched me or made love to me since you got married" she says.

"Lilitha i take care of you, you live the best life every woman dreams off now I am warning you don't
mess it up" I say

"But I want you Mthandeni" she says

I asked her to leave her job a while ago and now.

"Well you can't have me" I say.

"And she can why" she asks.

"She's the mother of my child and my wife Litha stay away from her" I say.

"I was also the mother of your child" she shouts.

"Don't you dare Lilitha uyangizwa wabulala ingane yami" I say.

"And I am sorry why can't you forgive me" she says.

"You don't talk to my wife, you don't even look her way siyezwana Litha"

"You're hurting me" she says.

"Are we clear Lilitha" she nods her head..

"Is that how we speak now" I ask.

"I am sorry" she says.

A knock comes through and I am not no choice but to let go of her arm.

I grab one of the hotel robes on the bed and toss it her way.

"Get dressed"

I open the door and find Msizi standing at the door.

"Why is your phone off" he asks barging in.

"Msizi I am not in the mood" I say.

He looks at Litha then back at me .

"Are you serious your wife is in the hospital and you're snagging your ex" he says.

"What" he shakes his head.

"I don't know what happened but mama says she started bleeding right after you left" he says..

"You will see your self out" I say grabbing my phone and keys.

....

NKANYEZI

I don't know what happened but one moment I was pleading my case to Mamzobe and the next I was
bleeding heavily.

I couldn't understand what was going on but I kept praying for my baby.

The thought of losing my baby girl tore me apart but the pains tore through me even more.
It felt like I was being ripped apart and for some odd reason I felt hot.

By the time I got to the hospital I was completely out of it.

So many things ran through my mind Melusi, the baby and how Ngwane was feeling after seeing those
pictures.

I saw both mama and Mamzobe beside me.

"Mama" I said feeling my throat patched.

She was next to me in seconds holding my hand.

I looked at my belly and relief washed over me.

"How's my baby" I asked.

She looked at Mamzobe and forced a smile

"We are still waiting for the doctor" she said.

I wanted to protest someone had to knew something but I was too tired to fight.

"Ma where is Ngwane" I asked looking at Mamzobe .

"He just called and he's on his way" she said.

I nodded my head and placed my hand on my belly.

"Mama please pray for my baby" I said.

My mother goes to church she's a God fearing woman and knowing that she prayed made me feel
better.

She prayed and I listened heard her prayer and all along I was hoping my husband walked through the
door.

....

MTHANDENI

Msizi led me to where I would find Mamzobe and Mnyamande's mother.

I found the doctor talking to them and rushed there.

"Ndodana" her mother said.

I didn't know what to say because the woman doesn't like me.
"Mthandeni where have you been" Mamzobe asked..

"This is my son inlaw" Mnyamande's mother said.

"Sir I am afraid we did all we could but it was already too late" the doctor said.

"Do you know what could be the cause" I asked.

He shook his head and that made me fume.

"You imbecile my wife just lost our baby and you don't know why" I said grabbing him by his coat.

"Mthandeni stop it" Mamzobe said.

"I want you to screen her blood for toxins, poison or anything because I have been consulting with her
doctor and nothing was wrong with her" I said.

"I understand but as her next of kin we need you to sign giving us permission to operate" the doctor
said.

"Make room for another doctor I will assit" I said.

He looked at me gobsmacked till Msizi mentioned that I am a qualified doctor.

"Still you can't just ."

"I own half this this joint and if you have a problem with me being there when my wife is on that table
then take it up with your superiors" I said.

"Yes sir" he nodded walking away.

"You have to tell we couldn't even the doctors failed she was hysterical and so they sedated her"
Mamzobe said.

"I don't know how" I said

"She's been asking for you and you're her husband please" her mother said.

I have been standing by her door just looking at her not knowing what I will say or how to say it.

We got here and the doctor told us that by the time they got here it was already too late they had
already lost the heartbeat.

I slowly make my way inside and kiss her forehead lately she's been doing this natural look and her afro
is braided back.

If I didn't know better I would say she just gave birth the tiny drops of sweat on her forehead and nose.

Her lips are pouted I deeply sigh wipe my tears and run my hands over my head.

Her eyes flicker before she opens them.

She smiles and take my hand placing it on her belly.

"Our baby girl is fine" she says.

"I am sorry" she says.

I am lost for words she's hopeful.

"It's okay you did nothing wrong" I say.

"I didn't sleep with him" she says shaking her head.

"Ssh I know you didn't" I say brushing her hair.

I scrunch my nose clenching my jaws.

"Ngwane what's wrong" she asks trying to sit up straight..

"You know that I love you right" she nods.

"The doctors couldn't save the our baby" I say. .

She quickly shakes her head.

"No that's not true" she says.

"I am sorry" I say.

"Ngwane no not my baby no" she says.

"When you got here it was already late" she screams her chest heaving.

"Hayi ingane yami" she says.

I try holding her but she pushes me away.

The door opens and her mother walks in followed by my mother.

"Mama tell him that my baby is alive" she says hugging her belly.

She ripps off the IV on her arm and heads for the door.

I block the door and have her crush into my chest.

"Ngwane let me go" she says pulling away from me.

"Ngiy'khaya mina" she says.

I move closer while she hits my chest pushing me away till she collapses to the floor.

"I am sorry I wasn't home when you needed me" I say wrapping my arms around her.

She holds on to my shirt while her cries turn into loud painful sobs. I let my own tears fall exhaling this
wasn't supposed to be like this.

"God wouldn't hurt me like this" she says holding her chest.

I don't know what to say we needed this baby and now it's gone.
She stops fighting and slightly pulls away looking at me.

"It's true isn't it" she says her voice coming out in a whisper.

I lift her up and place her back on the bed still holding her.

.....

NKANYEZI

028

I wish I could wake up and all this would be a dream a horrible terrifying one but it's not its real. I lost my
baby and no one could give me answers even the great Mthandeni didn't have answers.

I was fine and in just a blink of an eye everything was lost.

I was looking foward to being a mother again to having sleepless nights and changing diapers.

I was looking forward to seeing Mthandeni being a father not only to Uhuru but another man's child.

The doctors claim that my blood pressure was shooting through the roof and they are yet to find out
why.

Going home felt like a huge blow to the gut. I didn't even know that Mthandeni had fixed a nursery it
was meant to be a surprise.

He went all out for the baby and I didn't even know. I also heard Sthandile telling him about the baby
shower cancellation.

He had already given Sthandile and Lwazi free reign on his card. He was doing all this for us because he
cards and he was looking foward to seeing the baby.

Well everyone was and telling them that there is no baby hurts.

Uhuru was the worst and I had to fight my tears when Mthandeni explained to him.

I was sleeping and he just stormed into my room and started looking around even under the bed.

"Uhuru what are you looking for" Mthandeni asked.

"I am looking for mommy's baby" He said.

"Come let's talk" Mthandeni said picking him up.

"Is mommy sick" he asked..

"Yes and she needs some rest" Mtha said.

"Baba where is mommy's baby the one in her belly" he asked.

I wiped my tears and looked at Mthandeni.

"We didn't bring the baby home" he said.

"But why" my poor baby asked.

"Mommy had an accident and the baby didn't make it" Mthandeni said.

"So there is no new baby" Uhuru said tilting his head.

"Remember when I told you about heaven that where the baby is and she's going to watch over mommy
and all of us" Mtha said with a smile..

"I am sorry mommy" Uhuru said kissing my cheek.

He pulled away and looked at his father.

"Baba who am I going to protect now" He asked folding his arms.

"You are going to protect mommy when I am not around" Mthandeni said.

He took off his shoes pulled the blanket and got inside with me.

"I will be right back I just need to take care of a few things" he said.

"Ngwane has had called" I asked.

"Not yet I don't think he hasn't heard the news" he said.

I nodded my head even though I knew he was lying..

Although it wasn't leaked why I was in the hospital the papers ran with the story.

*MTHANDENI KHANYILE'S IN HOSPITAL FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE*

Trust me I was also stunned by the headlines.

He kissed my forehead before heading out.

Zothile left the night I got hospitalised and I was greatful because I could leave the house and go stay
with my mother.

Mthandeni refused at first but Mamzobe talked to him and he finally gave in.

He's amazing and gentle when given the chance.

He's the one whose been cleaning my wound and and helping me take my pills.

He's been my doctor, husband and friend in one that's how great he is right now.

Zweli and my father have also been great support this one night I cried in my father's arms and despite
everything else I felt safe in his arms.
I forgot all about the bad things he has put us through.

And the women in my life have been so amazing.

I untie my robe and look at myself through the mirror and wipe the tears.

I quickly close up when I hear the door open.

My mother walks in holding a one plate stove with a metal plate ontop.

She's been doing this for the past two morning the pills Mthandeni gave me to dry my milk haven't been
helping.

"Woza sisi" she says.

I remove my robe and press my breast on the hot plate.

Most woman usually stop breastfeeding due to work and other reasons and back in the day or rather
most black people believe that this is the fastest way to dry milk.

"Someone's here to see you" She says once we're done.

"I don't want to see anyone" I say.

"Nkanyezi hiding here and avoiding people won't make this go away" she says.

"I never thought I would say this but that boy cares about you deeply" she says.

A knock comes through followed by the door opening.

I look up and Mthandeni walks in I haven't seen him in two days.

That was after I refused to see him and chased him away.

"I will be in the kitchen if you need me" she says standing up.

"Ndodana" she says to Mthandeni before walking out.

He makes his way to the bed and settles next to me saying nothing.

That's the thing about Ngwane he can say nothing but you can feel him. I've never felt like before with
anyone else but him.

His silence speaks volumes and the way carries himself does things to me.

"Mnyamande" he finally says.

I look at him bite my lip shaking mu head this happens all the time he's next to me.

I become weak emotional and need only him to lean on.

He brings me into his arms and holds me close.

"It won't go away Ngwane the pain just won't go" I say.

Its beeb weeks but the pain is still raw.

"I know sthandwa sam and I am sorry" the says.

"I just want my baby to hold her we were looking forward to being parents" I say.

He pulls away and looks at me wiping my tears.

"I know this is hard but you're strong and I know you will pull through with time everything is going to
be okay. I am here and I am not going anywhere because u love you and I have seen a glimpse of the
woman you are and can be" he says.

"A scar but no baby" I say.

He places his hand on my belly and smiles.

"One day it won't just be a scar,one day we will bring home our many babies and this will be a reminder
of what we went through" he says.

"You've been amazing thank you Ngwane" I say kissing his cheek..

"You are my wife and whatever hurts you hurts me" he says.

"I am not going back to work" I say.

He looks surprised.

"I don't want them asking about the baby I won't make it or handle their looks" I say.

He doesn't look convinced but nod nonetheless.

"I understand" he say.

I throw myself into his arms and deep exhale.

"I love you" I say.

"I love you maka Uhuru more than you'll ever know and once we heal from this I will tell you my truth"
He says.

God knows I have been waiting to hear him say these words.

I want to know him beyond his money status and power. I want to know him beyond the voice that
captures everyone.

I want to know his truth and past now that's the man I want.

"I want to know and feel your pain Ngwane" I say whispering in his ear.

He closes his eyes and runs his hands up my thigh.

"Ngwane" I say.

If there was ever a time I need him its now right here.

"You are my part of my pain" he says brushing his lips against mine.
I close my eyes waiting for him to kiss me.

"Buya ekhaya Mnyamande" he says whispering.

His voice goes straight to my clit leaving me wet.

He's already hard and my emotions are allover and I want to get ontop of him.

I decide to lay back and pull his neck kissing him.

He looks down on me and kisses me using his one hand to untie my robe.

"The things I want to do to you" he says running his eyes over my body.

I take my hand and put it inside his pants.

I gasp at the size of his manhood and try taking my hand out.

He chuckles having me blush I can't even look him in the eye.

"I want you to spend the night" I find myselft saying.

He opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

"Please Ngwane" I say.

If it were up to me I would be digging my nails into his back scream moaning his name.

He makes me sleep on his chest and sighs.

"Your father will not like this Mnyamande" he says.

I start sniffing hoping it gets to him.

"Fine but only if you promise to see Pearl" he says.

I quickly nod resting my head on his chest.

"We are going to be okay" he says.

I know he means it and he is a man of his word.

The days goes faster than I had anticipated my mother says that's because I was with Ngwane and
seeing him cheered me up.
His just called and asked if I was okay and that was it. He prefers being home with his father and I have
made peace with that. I made Ngwane some food before he left and ete in the garden just listening to
the birds.

Mom left and Zweli had a meeting to get to Leaving me alone.

I still can't believe that Melusi hasn't called or checked up on me since I came back from the hospital.

I don't know how to feel about him and truth be told my love for him is fading by the day.

I lost our baby but he said and did nothing absolutely nothing Alas what kind of a man is he.

I snap out of my heavy thought when the kettle switches off and my mother walks in followed by Melusi
then Zweli wow this keeps getting better and better. In the morning it was Ngwane now it's Melusi this
woman has two son's in law thatha Mangubane.

"We found him by the gate" Ma says walking past.

"I will be in my bedroom" Zweli says.

"Leave" I say once everyone is out if sight.

He looks worse than me seems like he hasn't had sleep in such a long time.

"Please hear me out" he says.

I shake my head standing up.

"I lost our baby and you didn't even visit me in the hospital" I say.

"Please forgive me" he says.

"I never want see you again Melusi whatever we had is over" I say.

"Nkanyezi I didn't know that things would end like this I didn't mean to hurt you" he says.

I turn and look at him.

"What did you do" I ask.

He looks at me tears spilling from his eyes.

"You poisoned me" I say.

He says nothing.

"Melusi ubelele ingane yami"

I hold my chest tears falling.

"You bastard" I say charging towards him.

"I am so sorry" he says.

I look at my mother's kettle and pull it off the plug.

"Nkanyezi no" Zweli says the moment the boiling water pours over Melusi.

He screams so loud

"Phuma and don't you ever come back or I swear my husband will kill" I say.

"He killed my baby girl he did it" I say crushing into Zweli's arms.

"He's the evil one to kill an innocent baby why" I ask trying to kick his burnt arse.

"Uzoboshwa if you keep behaving like this" My mother says.

"Zweli call an ambulance" she says attending to Melusi.

I don't even feel sorry even if he getst scared fo life then this shall be a reminder of what he did to us.

"You're dead to me" I say.

"Why Melusi why would you hurt me like" I say.

I am exhausted this hurts more than words can express.

I can't wait to see Ngwane so he can hold me my day was horrible and by the time the ambulance
arrived he was no longer screaming. He was able to duck and only his arm and back were affected.

I excuse myself when my phone rings my father hates phones during dinner time but I cany ignore mine
Ngwane could be the one calling. My husband hates waiting or being kept and I miss him.

"Hello" I say.

"Koti lami" Zothile's voice says.

My heat almost stops.

"Bab Khanyile" I say.

Hee stays silent for a while till I hear him deeply exhale.

"It wasn't supposed to come to this but I told you to step back" he says.

"You did this" I say.

He laughs infuriating me.

"You're in the big boys arena now and everything is fair game" he says.

"You've just declared war" I say.

He chuckles then goes quiet.

"You declared war the moment you stepped on my toes and forgot your place. You know it only took a
little manipulation and persuasion on my side the rest was up to him what seemed to be a harmful love
potion turned into a deadly potion" He says.

"You won't get away with this and I promise you won't get the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I will tak
your son away from you I will be the serpent that whispers to him everyday all night you won't even
recognise him" I say.

"These threats are the reason we are in this situation" he says.

I laugh so loud masking the pain.

"This is a promise not a threat you will beg me for mercy Zothile and my husband will be by my side" I
say.

He ends the call and it's only then that I breath and sink to the floor.

I need Lwazi and her kwaNongoma or Kwamhlaba uyalingana contacts Zothile will reap what he sow.

I rinse my face and walk out back to the kitchen finding my father on his feet talking to two gentlemen.

"You can't take my daughter please she's been through a lot" Ma says.

"Mangubane calm down" Baba says looking my way.

"What's going on" I ask.

"Mrs Khanyile" one of the gentleman asks

"Yes" I say.

"You're under arrest for the assault on Melusi Sibiya with the intention to cause serious bodly harm" he
says cuffing me.

I look at my mother my chest heaving I didn't plan this. I shake my head looking at my father to do
something.

"Baba call Mthandeni" I say.

"Anything you say will be used against you in the court of law" they say dragging me out.

This feels like a bad dream I am about to wake up in a stinky cell.

.......

I hope you're all good

NKANYEZI

029

I am happy to say that I survived my three hours of detention with a few slaps here and there because I
wouldn't pipe down.

I would have been quiet trust me I would have but I was sp angry after the pain Melusi just put me
through he ran to his father.

I learned that he persuaded Melusi to open a case against me. I don't know why God keeps bringing
these trype of men in my life men who listen to their fathers and I end up taking the heat.

It's official the man hates me but with the pace I am going at he might aswell join the queue or better
yet form a Nkanyezi hate group. I know Zothile would join the club glady and try by all means to bring
me down.

Mthandeni and my parents were quick to the rescue and a with just a few nods and handshakes by my
husband I was out just like that.

I pray that Sibiya senior gets hit by a truck struck by lighting and dies. As for Zothile though I have bigger
plans for that one I am willing to go down thr dark path just to see him pay for all his wrong deeds.

My parents left soon after my realise and I was left with MthandenI who was still talking to the man in
charge of the precinct I was being held at.

As soon as he was done he walked past the bench I was sitting and I had no choice but I run after him.
See I would have walked but his pace kept growing wider and wider despite knowing he was angry I ran
straight to the lions den.

He did open the door for me though got into the driver's seat and drove off.

His phone just as I was about apologise and he quickly got it

"Bafo" Mtha said putting the phone on speaker.

"How did it go were you able to get Mnyamande out" the person on the other end asked.

His voice sounded similar to that of Mthandeni.

"Yes I did I owe you" Mtha said.

"I am glad I could help you know I would do anything to help you out bafo" the person said.

"How are the kids and MamButhelezi doing" Mtha asked.

For some reason I felt left out and I didn't like him asking about other women while I was next to him.

"Apart from spending my money and being feisty she's doing fine" the man said.

Mthandeni looked at me and smiled.

"I know someone who's spending my money like there's no tomorrow" Mtha said.

"MamButhelezi uyayithanda imali Ngwane and I have this fear Aphile will take after her" He said
followed by a beautiful laugh.

I won't lie these two men were making me drip down there the car was staring to feel hot very hot.

"MamButhelezi never gave you this much gray hair Mnyamande will be the death of me I tell you" Mtha
said deeply exhaling.

The man laughed and I am convinced he's a walking sin.

"MamButhelezi would love to see you again but with Mnyamande and Qiniso this time remember you're
no longer a bachelor Ngwane" the man said.

"Zibulo ..Nyambose...Bushy bear where are you" A sweet voice emerged.

"MamButhelezi you can't use all there not when I am talking to Ngwane kanti unjani wena" the man
said.

I want to laugh they sound so cute I look at Mthandeni and wonder if we'll ever reach this point.

"And you didn't call me he's my friend too" the woman said.

"Ngwane sawbona" the woman said.

I swear I think I heard an angel sing her voice is everything.

"MamButhelezi" Mtha said smiling.

He smiled clearly this woman means a lot Mthandeni is not friendly to anyone.

"I want you to say hello to someone" he continued.

"Don't tell me" She said screaming from the top of her lungs.

"Ngwane waba njani singahleba ingane yabantu ikhona khona la" the man said.

I thought Ngwane's Zulu did things but this guy made me want to compare them.

"Nyamobose he's really married see God answered my prayers" the lady said sounding emotional.

Mthandeni introduced us and let's say Ziphoszenkosi and I talked and they invited us over to their
house.

"Izobuye ikhulume Nyambose" Mthandeni said.

"Ngwane" his friend said before the phone call ended.

I looked outside the window and we were now on the high way this wasn't the way leading home.

"What were you thinking" he asked.

I wanted to ask about his friends but he had completely switched.

To be honest I wasn't thinking I just poured water over him

"Ngikhuluma nawe Mnyamande" he said.

How am I supposed to think and answer him when he's his scent has filled this whole car and his voice
keeps turning me on.

I shrugged my shoulder and looked at him.

"No don't do that" he said shaking his head.

I had my lips pouted and my eyes did the work.

"You knew and you didn't tell me all of you are just the same hurting me" I said.

"This is why I didn't tell you because you believe all the man in your life just hurt you and I knew you
would react this way" he said.

He was trying by all means to be calm and my facial expression wasn't helping at all.

"To you Melusi is just another reminder that men are trash and all they do is take right" he was right
about one thing though about men being trash.

"You were wrong for keeping the truth away from me wrong Ngwane she was mine too" I said.

"I am sorry" he said reaching for my hand.

I had long lost interest in where we were going after seeing that we had left Gauteng and on the high
way leading to KZN.

He carried on driving and and my eyes wouldn't leave him he's so handsome you wouldn't think ill of
him.

"In fact I was aiming for his face" I said.

He stopped the car and killed the engine.

"Usuyashisana manje wena" I looked at him and folded my arms.

"Phuma uthi ukushaywa umoya uhluze umqondo" he said.

My eyes popped but he was being dead serious.

I opened the door and stood outside taking in the cold breeze.

He also joined me after a while and gave me his jacket.

"You can't go around saying stuff like this you getting in trouble means me cleaning up and sometimes
taking out some people" he said calmly.

"I want to know that when I turn my back you're okay and protected but I won't be able to do that if you
keep this up please" he said.

"Can I count on you to stay out of trouble let me handle this" I nodded my head tears stinging my eyes.

He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me.

"You will be the death of me woman" he said.

We got into the car and drove off holding hands that's how cheesy things became. I had to put on the
radio to complement the whole serene situation.

I fell asleep and only woke up when we had arrived I was too tired to look around and so we headed
straight to bed.

I woke up early just to see the place and have a feel of it. I have never seen anything this beautiful in my
life mother nature at her best.

The beautiful dam and small bridge crossing over it the trees surrounding the whole place the sprouting
grass and wild flowers make me want to run and trample over them like a child.

I only realise after I have taken in all this that the place is actually a farm and we are in a cabin it even
has snuggly warm feeling to it.

This is a white people farm and it's breathtakingly beautiful I can see myself leaving here and raising my
kids right here.

"It's beautiful isn't it" Mthandeni says behind me.

I look at him and smile.

"Who doesn't it belong to" I ask.

"Its a family farm" he says.

He's never mentioned this place before.

"Put on your shoes I want you to meet someone" he says putting on his shirt.

I put on my shoes and go wait for him outside.

There's a house peaking in the far end and Mthandeni tells me we have to walk.

I don't know why we can't just use the car but the walk will do me fine.
He takes my hand and leads the way the look on his face tells me lot he's calm and happy.

By the time we pass the bridge I am tired call me spoiled or what not but walking isn't for me.

I look at Ngwane and stop on my tracks wiping my none existing sweat.

He gives me a smile and laughs looking at me like I just made his day.

"Come I will give you a piggy ride" he says.

I look at him stunned is he for real.

"Either that or I carry you over my shoulder" he says giving me a side smile.

Being carried over my shoulder will most definitely be uncomfortable.

I settle for the piggy back ride and my word this much contact isn't good for me.

I gentle wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his chest.

He firmly puts his hands on my thighs and walks.

We finally reach the house and it's big and well kept.

I am fascinated by this place I could just put it in my pocket and run away with it.

I take a good look at it and it's acres and acres of wonder.

A woman comes out screaming and throws herself in Mthandeni's arms. She pulls away and looks at me
with a huge smile then gives me a hug.

"She's so beautiful" she says looking at Mthandeni.

She has the same features as Zothile but a pretty vesion.

"Aunty this is Nkanyezi my wife and the mother of my son" he says.

He said that with so much love.

"I know who she is and it's finally good to see you" she says giving me another hug.

She's warm and happy she pinches Mthandeni's cheeks and sighs.

She leads us inside the house and the smell of bacon,eggs pork bangers hit my nostrils

The sight of maple syrup pan cakes with blueberries makes me swoon.

He's never told me about his aunt nor this place.

I am seeing a whole different side to him and I wish he could remain like this.

The smell of fresh baked chocolate muffins hit me and my stomach starts grumbling.

"Please eat and don't be scared he told me he was bringing you here" she says.

"We need to shower first" I say embarrassed seeing that I already gawking at this feast fit for a kind.
"We will do that just eat okay and enjoy my aunt's hospitality" he says kissing my cheek.

It's a good thing I brushed my teeth and rinsed my face.

"He's never said anything about this sanctuary or you" I say giving Ngwane a look.

"That's understandable me and my brother don't see eye to eye" she says freely.

"But you are brother and sister" I say.

"I just don't agree with his methods and I long cut tires with him" she says.

I nod well this explains why I haven't heard about her or seen her at my wedding.

"And let's not ruin the moment talking about my evil brother thinking about him gives me a headache"
she says laughing.

This woman right here could be my alley.

She tells me that the farm belonged to their parents and Mthandeni would visit on holidays.

She tells me stories about Ngwane growing up and I have been laughing since.

He also shares stories about his grandparents and his eyes magically light up.

He excuses himself when his phone rings and I am only left with his Aunt.

"What are you doing with Mthandeni" she asks

"I am not following" I say.

She shakes her head and sighs.

"He raped you and I know my brother forced you to marry him paying your father's debt but you are
here willingly why" she asks.

"I love him" I say.

She looks at me and nods.

"But that's not the real question what I should be asking you is have you forgiven him" she asks.

I take time pondering her question now I feel like I am in Pearl's office.

"I am asking this because I know and I can see that he loves you but don't give him hope if you know you
are not in it for the long run" she says.

"Nkanyezi sisi if you haven't forgiven him then walk away and trust me he will fight his father tooth and
nail just to see you free" she says.

He walks in the middle of our conversation and sits next to his Aunt.

I wish I could see him like this with Mamzobe right now he is a child in a candy store and his Aunty is the
candy maker. Mthandeni loves his mother dearly this man would die for that woman but I feel like he
partly blames her for what he went through as a child.
.

I spent most of my day admiring the whole farm not walkinh of course Ngwene drove and when I would
see a beautiful spot he would stop the car. He might not complain but he I put him to task and asked
him to take pictures of me I even took some of him.

Aunt Thandekile offered us the house but we declined the cabin is too perfect and I have never been to
one.

If Mthandeni hadn't told me this is his family house I would have said it's a guest house slash small
resort.

I decided to use the outside shower just to see the stars dancing in this cold night.

This spur of the moment trip has been worth it.

The door opens and Mthandeni walks in stark naked and stands behind me.

He turns the warm water to cold making me gasp.

I want to turn around but the thought of seeing him naked scares me.

"This has always been my safe place" he says.

The cold water suddenly feels warm.

"I wanted to share what's beautiful in my eyes with you before my father sells this place" he says.

I want to know why but him being this close has shut down every thinking sense and ability I have.

"He wants to teach me a lesson by taking away one thing that ever made sense to me when I was young
and even if I tried buying this land he would know and block my every move" He says.

I am thinking about his Aunt where will she go and why is that old man being bitter and petty huh words
keep forming and scrambling but nothing comes out.

He moves closer and plants wet kisses on from my neck to my shoulder using his fingers to trace my
waist.

I close my eyes when his hands start massaging my boobs. I throw my head head back letting kiss my
neck I can feel his hard cock poking me.

He turns me around and looks into my eyes smiling I have both my hands on his chest longing for him.

He presses his lips on mine giving a long wet kiss he pulls away making me grunt in frustration.
He gives me smirk while I catch my breath he goes goes down on one knee and lifts my one leg up his his
shoulder the other balancing me.

I hope I don't fall that would be embarrassing.

He uses his tongue to devour me like there's no tomorrow.

He soft lick of his tongue and soft pull of his lips leaves me begging and praying in tongues. I push his
head when his tongue starts going in and out of my hole then my clits. By the time he's done I feel weak
and my legs are shaking but being me Lwazi's words pop in well more like gate crash.

If he goes down on you then he also desrves some blowing.

I go on my knees and I think that's both amusement and shock on his face. I admire his thick black long
cock and pray I don't choke you heard right I said pray.

Even with the water coming down on us like rain I can see the veins on his dick.

I lick the the top part thank God this man is cut.

He let's out a moan and I know I must be doing something right. I swirl my tongue around his cock and
start sucking like I was made for this he grabs my braids my pushes me against him. I take it like a
woman or is it man which ever way I take it till he comes shooting straight inside my mouth. There's no
point in spitting it out so I swallow up and give him one last lick on that mushroom hat looking part.

Then lick my lips giving him a smile,he helps me up and allowing the water to hit us one more time
before lifting me up.

He place's me on the bed and gives me one robe matching his.

I don't know what to say what happened in there was mind blowing and now I want him all of him. He
said he would wait for me till I was ready and I think I am today, tonight just me and him alone in this old
cabin.

He us still hard and I can't even look at him I can't believe he walks around with that thing. He comes
closer to the bed gives me a kiss and walks out.

I want to call home and ask Lwazi what to do now but knowing her she will just say "Mana open those
legs wide let him have you just don't lie there like a dead chicken okay" I quickly chuck that crazy
thought out of my mind and put on the robe walking out.

I find him by the fire place with a box of pizza and a bottle beer in hand and a glass of wine for me.

Mthandeni is trying me he knows I don't touch the stuff.

"Its alcohol defused" he says.

See I told you this whole place has some white type of vibe couldn't he just say it's a non alcoholic
beverage.

"Thank you Ngwane" I say settling next to him.

He smiles leaving me no choice but to blush.

"Is everything okay" he asks.

I reach for his hand and nod.

"Being with you makes everything okay and thank you for putting up with me even though I pushed you
away many times" I say.

"I would rather do it with you than anyone else" he says.

"Look at what I found in the car" he says showing me Sthandile's speaker.

"I will play something he says" I shake my head no.

"I will play something" I say putting on Sabrina's album till the song Wanna Know comes up.

"I don't want you to wait no more" I say putting my glass aside.

His black eyes fully blaze with lust, desire longing and love.

He turns on the the volume from from phone connecting to the speaker moving closer.

"I am yours and you are mine" he whispers in my ear.

"I am yours and you are mine" I felt the need to say these words too.

He smiles and my clit starts having a life of it's own throbbing for a release.

I get onto of him and and give him a kiss the fire and dim light provide the perfect ambiance. I start
grinding on him closing my eyes I need him I need my husband.

He places his hands in my waist and untie my robe helping himself to my boobs.

I am glad Mama's techniques paid off or this man would be drinking drink milk while having the cookie
talk about living the life.

The music plays and I feel the beat inside my head.

* I wanna know if you care for me

If you feel my touch as heavenly

I wanna know if you feel this too

If you don't I can't be in love with you.

A million miles between you and I

I wanna know if you feel it too

If you don't I can't be in love with you.

I wanna know when you look at me

Do you feel the voice of angels start to sing

I wanna know if you hear them too

If you don't I can't be in love with you.

A million nights of loveless quiet

I need to know if you hear this too

If you don't I can't be in love with you.

A million times I'lI keep om trying I'm gonna know if you love me too

if you don't I can't be in love with you*

By the time the song repeats I am lost in Mthandeni's eyes and long kisses.

The way he gently caresses my body with his trembling hands.

I feel like this song is from him to me after what I did with Melusi he needs to know.

"I love you" I say out of breath

He runs his hand up and down my thigh taking my leg and putting it on his waist positioning himself.

He's eyes glisten with moist I have my legs open and his ontop admiring my body.

"I don't deserve you Mnyamande but I can't stay away too" he says.

I feel the tip of his cock on my entrance slowly pushing in.

I gasp feeling the pains of him pushing in till he stops and kisses my forehead.

I shut down every negative thought and focus only on Baldy.

"Are you okay tell me if you want me to stop" he says deeply exhaling.

"I am okay" I say pulling him close.

He starts moving in slow a pace making love to me till up decides to up his pace.

I feel him drill and thrust in while holding me tight. He is multitasking deep stroking while his thumb
massage my been. I think the angles start to sing when I feel this explosive feeling about to leave me.

My nails dig into his skin while my moans turn into loud yes screams.

He takes out his cock and before I know it he slaps and rubs it against my clit sliding it inside my hole
then taking it out.
My toes curl and I bite my lip releasing all the tension and reaching this mind blowing orgasm.

He goes back inside and picks me up him still inside. I wrapp my legs around him till we reach the
bedroom having him gently me to the wall.

"Are you sure you're okay" I nod helping myself to his cock by pushing myself against him riding him
from the air.

His hands firmly hold my arse while he pounds on me.

I feel another orgasm build up and this one intensifies with each deep thrust.

We both come holding on to each other for dear life.

I don't if this is appropriate but this man is addictive and hits all the right spots.

We take things to the bed and he takes me from behind kissing my back and shoulders.

"Ngiyakuthanda Nkanyezi" he says.

......

I made it just in time and I do apologise for the late post or any errors.

NKANYEZI

030

I can't begin to explain the moments we shared at the farm everything came together and we were one
under beside the fire and under the sky. Things were just magical and I fell in love with this man over
and over again without doubt or fail.

The way he touched me and made love to me left me hating his father even more he turned him into an
ice cold man. He hurt him and made took advantage of him instead ot protecting like a father should.

The last day we spent cooped up in the cabin just making love and for the first time he has ever touched
me his hands stopped trembling and tears fell down his cheeks.

We both slept but he woke up screaming, sweating and begging I had to hold him down and assure him
that we were alone.

He even took out his gun and placed it next to him that things terrifies me but I am slowly getting used
to him carrying it.

If it were up to me we would have stayed longer and just talked about everything and nothing but he
got a call about work that n needed him and only him.

I know that means him using his fists and taking someone out well that's what I heard.
Qiniso called and asked that we bring him a new baby brother the shock I had clearly someone put him
up to this and I bet it's Sthandile.

Zothile is still not back yet and I wonder what he will say or do coming home to this change.

"Nkanyezi" My father said.

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at him.

"What's wrong" He asked.

I hadn't said anything since I walked through that door. This whole situation took me way back to when I
was young and I would through that same door and look at him work.

He stopped working stood up and came over to my side.

"Talk to me what's wrong" He said.

I sighed before opening my mouth.

"Baba I need your help I want to buy land" I said.

He looked at me titling his head.

"Land,what kind of land Nkanyezi and who does it belong to" he asked.

"Promise you won't get mad" He looked at me raising his eyebrow.

"No now talk" he said.

"The land belongs to the Khanyile's but Zothile is selling it and I want to buy it" I say.

"No don't even think about it stay out of that man's business" he said.

"Baba all I need is money and someone to help me buy it. I would use the money Mthandeni gives me
but it will draw at tenting to me" I say.

I tell him where the land is situated and that it is a good business investment on my part if I buy it.

"Does Mthandeni know" I shook my head.

If told him he would have shut me down without even hearing my plan.

"No" he said adamant that I will get hurt in the process especially when Zothile finds out.

"Baba please do this for me" I said In my most angelic voice and puppy eyes.

"This obsession of yours with Zothile will kill you Nkanyezi please just let it go" he said.

I shook my head with a smile on face.

"I made a promise and I always keep them Zothile will wish he never messed with our family. Baba
please do this for me I know it's a lot of money but once all is done I will give you your money back" I
said.

"I don't need the money back I just want you safe" he said.

"I will take care of everything find the money and buy this land for you" he said.

"Thank you baba this means so much to me" I said.

"I pray to God everything that you forgive me and that you don't lose your self in this vengeance path
you're taking" He said.

"Everything us going to be okay trust me" I said.

He gave me a hug and suggested taking me to lunch. I know my father will get me this land and I can't
wait to see Zothile's face when he finds out about the new owner.

This conversation took place a week ago and according to my father things are rolling.

I make my way into Mthandeni's study knock and close the door behind me.

He has been working all night and somthing tells me there a lot bothering him.

I find him on the couch holding a glass in one hand his tie loosened up.

"I will join you now Mnyamnde" he says without even looking at me.

Walking in here I had a mission and that is to take his mind off things.

I slowly make my way to him take the glass and put it on the table sitting ontop of him.

I am not wearing any undies which is perfect for what I am planning to do. I wrapp my arms around his
neck and kiss him biting his lip till I taste some blood.

I know he likes it when I channel my kinky side.

"My father is coming back in three days time" he says.

"Shh let's not talk about him" I say shutting him up with a kiss.

I move my hands down his belt and pull it then undoing his pants button. His hands squeeze my breast
and rub on my nipples.

His hard rod keeps getting harder and harder making him want to take control but I don't let him.

I slightly move up pulling his pants down and taking his cock into my hands gently massaging it.

He deeply exhales closing eyes till I slowly slide his cock inside me.

"Mnyamnde" he says ruinning out of breath.

He takes each breast into his mouth and grazing at my nipples.

I moan slowly moving my hips. He pulls my braids while deeply kissing me and running his tongue up my
cheek. He gets dirty like this sometimes and I like it he moves to kissing my neck while his finger dig
around my waist the pain and pleasure of him inside me makes me sway my hips like I was made for
this.

He moans in pleasure bringing me close to his chest slightly bringing my arse up in th air and doing all
the hard work.

He's a beast and he seems to like this position more.

He looks at me and smiles.

"I love you" He says taking of my nightie followed by his pants.

He lifts me up and lays me down on the couch getting ontop.

"Baba" Qiniso says behind the door.

Mthandeni jumps and heads to the door.

I quickly put on my nightie and pass him pants.

"Baba I can't sleep open the door" he says.

"Your son" Mthandeni says opening the door.

Qiniso walks in and looks behind the door starring at me and his father.

I want to pick him but not after I was holding his father's cock.

He goes straight to the couch and settles their oh my poor baby that couch is evil.

Mthandeni clears his throat and holds my waist I look at his pants and he's still hard.

"Deal with him" he says excusing himself.

"Why aren't you sleeping" I ask picking up my silk gown.

He looks around the place is a mess but this one is young and he doesn't know anything.

I join him on the couch and and just look at him couldn't he have chosen another day to disturb us.

"Why was mommy screaming" he asks.

I look at the door and Mthandeni is about to run away.

"Your father will explain" I say quickly pointing at the door.

He makes his way in and sits on the edge of the table.

This is uncomfortable and for some odd reason I want to laugh.

"Your mother wasn't screaming she was laughing we know she has a terrible laugh" Mthandeni says.

"Baba where is your shirt" He asks.

Mthandeni gets tongue tied and looks at me for a save.

"Uhm I was giving daddy a chest rub he hasn't been feeling well" I say clearing my throat.

I see Mthandeni smile oh he's finding this funny.

"Baba are you sick" Qiniso asks.

Mthandeni nods his head.

"Don't worry mommy gives the best chest rubs and I am going to sleep with tonight okay" he says
sweetly.

He stands up and walks out just like that.

"What just happened" Mthandeni asks looking dumbfounded.

"I don't know" I say wearing the same expression.

"Sthandwa sam we are not sleeping with him. No not after what you did to me" he says.

"Then what do we do" I say stifling a laugh.

"Tell Mamzobe to take him that should do" he says.

"But he just wants to make sure you're okay" I say.

He presses himself against me and smiles.

"And I want you to make me all better" he says.

I perk his lips and smile.

"Fine but tomorrow he's sleeping with us" I say.

He spanks my arse and licks his lips.

"Whatever you want my love" he says.

I was supposed to go down to Kwamhlaba uyalingana a week ago but this man is said to busy and so I
couldn't see him. But things worked out in my favour this time around and I got a chance to see him.

We drove through the night and I had to lie to Mthandeni about a spur of the moment girls trip.

I had use my womanly skills to get him to let me go without any hassles.
The place is surrounded by trees it's basically a forest. I thought it would be like any other household but
coming here you live your car behind and walk by foot this man's gate.

The place is surrounded by mostly huts and not far there's a house said to be his also.

Everything is scary about this place or maybe it because we got here in the middle of the night.

I think I saw owls around and I kept hearing some hissing which made this whole process scary.

"You come along way" the man says looking at me.

I think we are in the wrong place this man looks nothing like a witch doctor. Yes he's scary but nothing
screams sangoma or nyanga except the beads and cloth around his shoulders.

"I need your help makhosi" I say.

The incense smoke is making it hard for me to breathe or sew clear but all this while I am holding Lwazi's
hand.

The man goes into a powerful trance that changes his voice and colour of his eyes.

"You seek vengeance on man" he says.

"Makhosi" I say.

"The man reeks havoc and destroys people" he says.

"Makhosi" I say.

"The elders tell me that he's one of your own" he says roaring.

"He's nothing to me and never will be" I say.

"Very well what can I do for you" he asks sti in a tracnce.

"I want him dead ngifuna am'phambanise nezulu" I say.

"You know there's no coming back from this every decision has its own consequences" he says.

"Makhosi" I say.

He looks at me and shakes his head.

"He's coming home soon and I want him to have an accident that kills him instantly" I say.

"Are you sure about this" Lwazi asks her eyes popping.

"Can you do it" I ask.

He laughs and nods his head.

"It will cost you though" he says.

"Money is no object" I say.

He gives me a knife and tell me to find a black chicken in his yard kill it and bring it to him.
I get up walk out side till I find the chiken. This is disgusting but it needs to be done he takes the chickens
blood and mixes with somthing still chanting to himself.

He calles for a child and askes them to prepare the drums anf beat them till the sun comes up.

He tells Lwazi to excuse us and looks at me.

"You will say everything that needs to happen to him but say It as if you are talking to him" he says
giving me the bowl that has the chicken blood Zothile's picture and onr of his favourite ties.

I look at the bowl with his photo inside and start cursing him.

"I want you to pay for what you did to Ngwane I want him free from you and your clutches" I say.

"Very well you did good" he says.

He takes the photo and shreds it up.

"Kufeziwe on the day if his return your wish shall be done" he says.

The sky starts rumbling and the drums beat faster and till loud thunder roars and the rains comes
pouring.

Not even his ancestors will save him from this one. He shouldn't have messed with no he shall bare
brunt and it all.

.....

NKANYEZI

031

I don't know what came over me or what I was thinking but things are getting real.

I can't even look at Ngwane without feeling guilty about what I have done. I want to tell him the truth
but the fear of him looking at me differently scares me.

I love Mthandeni and as much as I am doing this for him I am also doing it for myself. It's time for
Zothiles reign of terror to come to an end and this might just be it.

Mthandeni asked me to accompany him to a business meeting which was a first.

He finished his meeting and we went to his private suite to spend the night.

We took a shower getting here and settled on the bed. He read a book while I sat there watching the
blacklist we do this when we want to get away from the house and everyone. This place has turned into
our little cocoon away from prying eyes and away from Qiniso who disturbs our moment when he feels
like it.
He puts the book away and closes the laptop deeply sighing.

I think he knows maybe that's why he asked we come here.

"Lord please don't make me ask me" I say to myself.

I have learned that even if I hid things from him but when he asks I fold and confess to everything.

He takes my hand and kisses it smiling at me..

"The first time I knew I wanted to be a doctor was when my mother almost bled to death and there was
nothing I could. My father bashed her head because she spoke to the gardener" he says exhaling.

Mamzobe is beautiful and Zithile is possessive of her.

I hold his hand assuring him that's it okay.

"The first time I killed a man was in my mother's kitchen. My father had left me with a business
associate of his and the man started touching me inappropriate" he says looking disgusted.

"I don't know what happened but he pinned me down and started pulling my pants down.I got out of his
hold and ran to the kitchen and took the sharpest knife and plunged it through his chest. I stabbed him
to death Nkanyezi and I was angry at my father for leaving me with him" he says shutting his the eyes.

His tears fall wetting my thigh. I don't know what to say I am even afraid of asking if he that man hurt
him.

"And the first time I stood up for my mother I was kicked out of the house. I remember the day
perfectly because it was raining and at the time I tarried of thunder. I cried but stopped knowing that no
one would come for me I toughened up that day" he says.

I can't imagine the trauma that he went through.

"The second time I ended up with fractured ribs, punctured lungs and a head injury that left me in
intensive unit care" he says followed by a chuckle.

I use my thumbs to wipe his tears anf I couldn't care less about mine.

"I never wanted to hurt you and I am so sorry" he says breaking down.

He shows me his wrist about to feed my curiosity.

"You wanted my truth this is a part of it" he says.

I shake my head wiping my own tears.

"I don't want to know" I say.

It's enough information for one day. This makes me wonder how he would have turned out like had he
grown up with a loving father.

"These are marks from the shackles and chains I was tired up to" he says nodding his head.
I put a hand over my mouth feeling this burning lump on my throat.

He moves his hand to his neck.

"This is also from the shackle. I was confined in a small cage and if Msizi dared to give me food he would
get a beating" he says.

"Ngwane stop I don't want to hear it" I say.

"I was starved for days urinated on myself and spoiled myself in that cage" he says groaning fighting the
tears back.

"He would bring my mother and beat her in front of me knowing I couldn't do anything" he says using
his thumb and index finger to wipe his tears.

"I was a dog and he was my master. For the longest time I was his slave and he was my master" he says.

"No don't say that you are not his slave" I say.

Zothile has been getting inside his head messing with him.

"Every slave wants to be free from its master but I don't know how" he says looking down.

I am a crying mess feeling everything he just told me.

"If anything happens to me just know that you and our son will taken care off" he says kissing me.

"Don't say that" I say making him face me.

I smile at him and kiss his lips.

"You are not going anywhere" I say.

He smiles back at me exhaling.

"I love you Mnyamande" he whispers in my ear undoing my robe running his hands down my thigh then
bringing it to my private. I close my eyes feeling his warm hands grab my arse.

I gasp when I feel his finger enter me and move.

Last night was amazing and I can't stop thinking about. My heart on the other end aches knowing what
Zothile did to his family which is my family now. I know I did the right thing and there's no going back.

Mamzobe walks in smiling and kisses my cheek.

"First it was the massage now you're cooking" she says.

"I just want you to relax today and clear your mind" I say.

"Having you in this family has made me relax in ways you don't know" she says.

"I hope those ladies got rid of all the knots and left you feeling rejuvenated" she smiles exhaling.

"Thank you I truly needed this, let me go rest please wake me up when the food is ready or when my
tyrant of a husband gets here" she says.

My cheeks heat up and am left clearing my throat.

"Nkanyezi is everything okay if you're worried about Zothile don't be" she says assuringly.

"I think this heat is getting to me" I say.

"Or maybe there's a bun in the oven and I am going to be a grandmother again" she says laughing.

"Mthandeni would love that" I say smiling.

He really would love again to be a father.

The table is set and everyone is seated beside my husband. I keep looking at the time and wondering
where he is.

"This smells amazing mama you should aly off the pots and allow sis Nkanyezi to cook" Msizi says.

"And I should start taking cooking lessons fron her" Sthandile says.

"Yey Nkanyezi did not come to this house to be your maid" Mamzobe says.

"Ma did Mthandeni say anything about being late" I say.

"No he just mentioned an important meeting" she says.

I try calling him but he's phone doesn't go through. I cooked this meal for him and so he can't disappoint
me this is supposed to be the make him feel okay meal.

I look at Msizi waiting for an answer.

"Baba called and asked him to pick him up at the airport then they were going to head to their meeting"
he says.

My blood instantly goes cold and tears come close to falling.

A call comes through and Msizi gets up to get the door.

Two police officers make their way in and ask to see Mrs Khanyile.

Mamzobe stands up and soon collapses to the floor.

They converse with Msizi who looks at me and nods.

I let the tears fall what have I done.

Everything happened so fast I didn't even hear half of Msizi's speech.

I ran out of the house and drove to my mother's house in tears and all.

She gives me a glass of water and helps me drink.

"Mama I did something terrible" I say.

"Your hands are shaking" she says.

"Mama I killed Ngwane I killed him" I say.

She looks at me tilting her head.

"Nkanyezi what did you do" she asks looking horrid.

"Mama I messed up" I say.

She brings me close and hushes me down.

"Tell me what happened" she says softly.

I tell her everything from begging to end.

Her chest starts heaving and she slaps me senseless.

"Usuwazi umuthi wena(You know witchcraft now)" she says.

"No" I say.

She slaps me again and clicks her tongue.

"I never taught you witchcraft Nkanyezi" she says defeated.

"I am sorry mama" I say.

"What's going on with you, where is my sweet baby girl the one who wouldn't hurt a fly" she says.

"The guts to kill a man where does that come from" she asks.

I am crying things weren't supposed to be like this, he wasn't supposed to be in that car I can't lose
Ngwane I just can't.
"You said Zothile is trying to turn him into a monster but from where I am standing you are slowly
turning into what he wanted for his son" I shake my head trying to wipe the tears.

"To bring him down I need to think like him" I say.

"No you don't,you need to pray and trust in God's timing because he is a faithful God" she says.

"Zothile is a monster mama and if we didn't have people like like him the world would be a better place"
I say.

"He's the one who started all this. He's the orchestrator mama because of him I can never be whole
again. Rape doesn't leave you despite being a survivor it stays with you and I have to live with that for
the rest of my life" I say breaking down.

She puts a hand over her mouth muffling her cry.

"Uyena umsusa wayo yonke lento (he's the one who started this whole thing)" I say.

"I know but look at yourself and the consequences of your actions" she says.

"I am sorry" I say.

She holds me close rocking me back and forth.

"I can't lose him mama I won't survive" I say biting my lower lip.

She stands up takes her phone making a phone call.

"Nyezi look at me" she says.

"What will I tell Qiniso mama" I say.

"He's alive barely though we need to get to the hospital now" she says.

"And Zothile" I ask.

"Him too this means you're not a murder" she says helping me stand.

"Your husband needs you" she says.

......

Happy birthday Sybil Kgosi hope you enjoyed your day

NKANYEZI

032
My mother drives to the hospital and all I can think about is my son losing his father. I should have
planned this properly but I was tired of constantly breathing the same air with Zothile. I still want him to
be punished for his sins and for him to burn.

If he wakes up and starts sniffing around I am dead and I can't rely on Ngwane because he is fighting for
his life and it's all because of me.

How will I look at Mamzobe knowing that I tried to kill both her son and husband.

This is a mess and I feel like I am losing myself in all this. I allowed my emotions to get the better of me
and look what happened.

The car comes to a hault and my mother helps me out of the car.

"Pull yourself together Nkanyezi now is not the time to be fighting your conscious" she says kissing my
forehead.

We walk inside and locate his ward finding Msizi standing by his door.

My mother gives him a hug and asks where Mamzobe is.

"She is in one of the wards" he says.

"Why what happened" I am the first one to ask.

"The doctor says it's the shock from seeing Mthandeni" he says clenching his jaw.

I look at mother pursing my lips.

The doctor comes out of Mthandeni's ward followed by two nurses.

"How is he" Msizi asks.

"The next 24 hours are critical he suffered a severe impact from the accident because he was on the
driver's seat" the doctor says.

"Is my husband going to make it" I ask.

"Mam we are trying everything in our power" I shake my head.

"Is he going to make it" I shout.

"Nkanyezi" My mother reprimands.

"No mama that's my husband in there" I say.

"Nkanyezi is right mama" Msizi says

The doctor sighs.

"We don't know" the doctor says.

I look at my mother and deeply exhale.

"Can I see him" He nods.

"It is advisable that you remain calm when you see him" I nod letting go of my mother's hand.

I open the door and walk in covering my mouth at the sight of Ngwane.

I swallow hard slowly making my way to him.

This is not my husband his face is swollen, cut and bruised.

This is my doing my chest starts heaving. I grab a chair and settle next to him holding his hand.

"Oh God what have I done" I kiss his hand letting the tears fall.

He is wearing a neck brace and there's a pipe in his mouth and only the machine is making noise.

The doctor said these beeping machines are helping him breath because his lungs were affected.

"I am so sorry" I say.

"Ngwane please don't leave me, please don't leave me I am begging you" I say.

I am hoping his hand or eyes twitch but nothing.

"We didn't plan this it just happened and I fell for you hard now you can't leave not when we have so
much to do and achieve. Think about our son please just find your way back to me, your mother needs
you we need you" I say.

I wipe the tears closing my eyes.

"You can't do this to us" I say shaking my head.

"Ngwane your father will kill me I know he will" I break down uncontrollable.

The door opens and my mother walks in.

"Its okay sis he's going to be okay just trust that God will not forsake you" she says.

"Mama look at him, I did this me and my selfish ways did this" I say..

"Nkanyezi stop it walls have ears and I am not ready to lose my daughter" she says.

"Its time to go your son needs one of you" she says.

"Sthandile will take care of him I have to make sure Mamzobe and Mthandeni are fine" I say.

She sighs shaking her head walking out.

It's been a week and Mthandeni is still in the hospital and hasn't woken up. Zothile on the other hand is
slowly recovering and that makes me shit scared for my life.
When Mamzobe told me the news I immediately knew that this man is the devil himself and the
terminator he doesn't die.

"When last did you eat" Ma asks.

I haven't been able to stomach anything lately everything comes back up.

My nerves are short and I am moody as hell even Qiniso stays out of my way.

I take a few bites of the toasted cheese sandwich that she made me and gulp down some water.

"The doctor's are hopeful" she says.

"The doctor's are useless and Mamzobe's health is deitaraiting in just a week" I say.

This whole situation is frustrating and with Mthandeni Injured I am left vulnerable.

"We spoke about this" she says.

I look at her and smile.

My mother arrived here early in the morning with hopes of driving Mamzobe to the hospital. But no
she's busy bugging me instead of going about her way.

I hear some shouting and rush downstairs my mother following behind me.

I come to a hault almost pissing my pants when I see Zothile standing with Ngitheni in the living room.

"Leave me alone Mamzobe" he says limping his way in.

"Zothile calm down this is not a brothel" Mamzobe says sternly.

"My son is half dead in that hospital and you are here barking noise in my house don't test me Zothile
please not today" she says.

"This has never happened before clearly someone is messing with me" he says breathing fire.

"I couldn't care less about you and your conspiracies uyangizwa even if you did die I wouldn't have
cared. I would have rejoiced and thanked the heavens but here you are standing while my son is still
there" she says.

"Mamzobe" he says.

"Don't try me not when I am at the verge of losing my son you will come second best" she says.

Ngithen starts doing an incantation shaking his head.

"It can't be I refuse" he says looking at me then at Zothile.

"Ngiyavuma khulumani nami bantu abadala" he says nodding his head.

"I hear you all is well" he says coming back to land of the living.

"Are you ready for us to start" he asks looking at Zothile.

Ngitheni keeps his eyes on me till he disappears.

Zothile must have discharged himself meaning he suspects foul play.

My mother ushers Mamzobe to the kitchen probably for a cup of tea. No disrespect but my mother
believes that there's nothing a cup of tea good company and some prayer can't fix.

Ngitheni comes back after an hour of driving myself crazy and almost drilling a hole in the floor.

"Walk with me" he says.

I reluctantly stand and follow him to the garden.

"I know it was you" he says.

I don't say nor deny anything this could be a trap for all I know.

He looks at me smiles.

"You look horrible consequences of dealing with things beyond your gasp and imagination" he says.

"Fine I will do the talking and you master the art of listening young lady" he says.

"I had a dream of you consulting one of the best and I saw the whole accident play out the
disadvantages of having this gift" he says.

I am slowly warming up to him even though I won't admit it.

"Then why didn't he die and why was Mthandeni in that car" I ask.

"This was a lesson that every decision you take has consequences" he says.

"That's not fair" I say.

"Life is not fair I had to choose between letting your husband die or save him and his father in the
process" he says.

"I chose the latter knowing his death wouldn't have sat well with you" he says.

"Good always wins against evil and love triumphs over hate let his ancestors to deal with him" he says.

"Will Mthandeni come back to us" I ask.

"With you being his shinning star trust me he will" he says.

He walks away and turns before reaching the door.

"Tread carefully he suspects you and he won't let this go in fact he refuses" he says.

I swallow hard Mthandeni has to wake up no matter what.

......
NKANYEZI

033

Another week and still he hasn't woken up. Another week of me sleeping in this huge bed tossing and
turning without my husband.

I am slowly close to losing my mind and I mean literally. I cry in the morning and before I go to sleep
that's how much I miss him.

My father tells me everything is on track and that the land will be in my name in a day.

I can't wait to see Ngwane's face when u show him the deed to the land.

The swelling has gone downa and by God's grace he is now able to breathe on his own.

He looks better and I am hopeful that he will pull through.

Ngitheni said I should stop blaming myself and he was kind enough to do a cleansing ceremony for me.

He said I danced with the devil and got tainted with black magic.

I am glad that's out of the way because ever since I got back from that healer I haven't been feeling like
myself.

I took Qiniso to my mother's. Things have been tense around the house with Zithole suspecting
everyone especially me I believe my son needs warmth and stability. My mother can give him that at
this moment. It's times like this I wish I was still working and seeing those cute smiles and rehearsed
"Good morning teacher".

I heave a sigh and settle on the bed contemplating my next move. Don't get any ideas I am not talking
about Zothile I have decided to let his dead underground people to deal with him.

Right now I should be heading out and meeting up with Lwazi but here here I am with a picture of me
and Ngwane. He looks alive and nothing like that man lying in that hospital bedd.

I hug the frame and sigh I was going to give this to him on the night of this accident.

And I was going to tell him about the land seeing it's a done deal. But he got into that darn car and now I
can't stop blaming myself.

My mother says I should keep my shut if I don't want to die. But the guilt of knowing I almost killed two
men kills me, I just want Ngwane to wake up so I could see his beautiful smile and tell him that I love
him.

"Pull yourself together Nkanyezi" I say to myself but it's not working instead tears well up and fall.

"I miss you so much it hurts and it doesn't make sense" I say still hugging the picture.
I let go and put it back on his side table getting up no use feeling sorry for myself. I have a luncheon to
get too and despite my situation I need to look good.

I fix myself up take Ngwane's keys and rush out.

I walk past Zothile in the living room this man has been making things unbearable or maybe that's my
guilt talking.

I even lock my bedroom and keep the lights on at night trust me anything is possible with this man.

I know Ngitheni played a huge role in the unfolding events but still I can't believe that he survived and
sustained minor injuries.

Lwazi is already here looking sexy and breathtaking I think the green monster is coming out to play. She
looks healthy and slim while I look like terrible and a bit on the fat side.

I have been picking up some weight lately that my favourite jeans the one Ngwane loves so much seem
not to fit.

We share a hug before I grab a chair and settle down opposite her.

"Lwazi" I say.

"Tell me you're not in one of your moods please" she says.

I feel bad for being this cranky but why does it seem like I am being left behind when it comes body
goals.

"Lwazi am I fat" I ask.

She looks at me dumbfounded and chokes on her drink.

"What" she says.

"Lwazi be honest" I say.

She looks at me from head to toe and sighs.

"Well things have been hard and we both know you're a stress eater so maybe" she says honestly.

"You look amazing and I am happy that at least one of us is representating" I say.

She laughs shaking her head

"Don't be dramatic Nkanyezi you look sexy and I would go through hoops just to have your body" she
says.

We both oder ribs but I have end up getting a burger and large fries with a glass of water with lemon.

She looks at me suspiciously and focuses on her plate.

"I didn't have breakfast" I say.

"I am sorry Nkanyezi" she says.

"What for" I ask.

"For not talking you out of that's crazy decision I should have know better" she says reaching for my
hand.

"You did nothing wrong look at me I am a married women and a mother" She laughs.

"I should have known better" I say.

"Yeah you should have but you're stubborn" she says.

I look at my plate and my mouth waters the sight of this burger and ribs makes me want to cry.

"How is Ngwane holding up" she asks.

"I have been taking Qiniso to the hospital and I hope gearing his son's voice helps him in a way" I say.

"And how are feeling with everything that's been going on" she asks.

"I don't know Lwazi you know. I feel like the doctor are afraid to tell us the worst that he might not wake
up" I say.

She reaches for my hand and squeezes it.

"Everything is going to be okay just look at the positive side" I look at her and nod.

"He's healing and looking stronger breathing on his own now that's something you should be greatful
for" she says.

"I know you lost your faith in God a long time ago but just trust that he's by your side. You've come a
longt way to give up now and the Nkanyezi I know fights till the end" she says.

"Thank you Lwazi for being there for me and never giving up on me. For loving my son as if he was yours
for taking care of us when I couldn't. You are not just my friend but my sister and a second mother to
Qiniso I love you" I say.

"Don't you make me cry woman" she says fanning her face.

"How about you spend the night at my place I will cook and pamper you up, we will watch a good series
and have some icecream with lots and lots of chocolate toppings anything you want" she says.

"Now if only Zweli could see what I see and marry you" I say.

"That one is scared of women but ngizomthola and he won't know what hit him" she says winking her
eye.

"But I need to tell Mamzobe first and then go see Ngwane just to make sure he's okay" I say.

She nods rolling her eyes.

"Sifelani ukuthi asishadile thina" she says laughing.

We finish up then head to the hospital. Lwazi is busy ogling at the doctors and making obvious eye
contact trust my friend to look for a man even in the strangest of places.

I make my way to Mthandeni's room. I stop on my tracks and blink a few times when I see Lilitha coming
out of his room. You know when the devil is trying you this is me being tried by the devil himself.

She slowly passes by giving me a rather disgusted look.

I grab her arm and pull her close to me.

"I wasn't going to do this trust me my mama raised me better than this" I say shaking my head.

"Kodwa ungijwayela kabi wena I know a vulture when I see one and that's you" I say.

She tries wiggling her way out of my hold but I tighten it.

"I don't care what or who you are to Ngwane but stay away from husband. If he wants to talk or lay on
someone's chest I am here you know why because I am his wife. If he wants some pussy he will get it
from me don't try or test me stay the hell away from him" I say.

"This is the nice me the ugly me carries a knife and gun and is not afraid to use them. I will claw away at
that cute little face of yours and not even Ngwane will look your way" I let her go and deeply exhale.

She fixes herself up and scurries away she better be scared.

"You better run" Lwazi says.

"Go see your man I will wait for you here" she says giving me a hug.

I open the door and walk in taking off my shoes and laying next to him.

"You look good today" I say placing my hand on his chest.

"I was hoping you would have been awake by now. I miss you sthandwa sam and I need you but take
your time okay because I am not going anywhere" I say.

He really does look good and I think getting the sun also helps him.

"I don't know what to say so I am just going to lay here and listen to your heartbeat" I say.

I take his arm and place it on my waist.

"I want us to start afresh when you wake up. I want to give you as many kids as possible I hope this gives
you enough motivation to wake up" I get off the bed put o my shoes and kiss his lips.

That taut probably kissed him too but I won't let that thought mess with me.

"I love you" I say walking out.

.
.

Last night was just relaxing Lwazi had those people who do massages to come over and pamper us.

We even watched all three Sex and the City movies something I hadn't watched in such a long time.

Lwazi called Qiniso and we had the longest conversation in such a long time. My son misses seeing
dadddy around and seeing mommy happy.

Enough about last night early in the morning Mamzobe called me to come over to the hospital.

I have been pacing up and down not knowing what to expect. I mean the woman was vague or maybe
she didn't want to scare me but something is definitely wrong.

Lwazi grabs her keys and ushers me to the door..

"Let's not go let's wait for Mamzobe to call and tell us what's going on, or maybe you go and come to tell
me the news" I say.

She looks at me like I am crazy and goes back the house coming back with last's nights full chicken I
guess we didn't get to this one.

"This will calm you down" she says.

It will but I am going to feel bad after eating it.

I am not even dressed for going out.

"Jesus one would swear you are pregnant" she says sounding annoyed.

I do the chicken bad with her looking at me through the mirror.

We finally arrive at the hospital and the first thing I spot is the press hovering all over the place.

It feels like the first time he was admitted in the hospital and they were waiting to hear if he was dead.

"Lwazi" I say.

"Don't even think about it" she says.

I look at Lwazi stopping myself from being a cry baby. Lucky the security helps us get in without any
hassles.

I am dreading this walk and it shows with the slow pace I am going at.

Lwazi holds my hand walking with me.

"Whatever happens I am here" she says.

I nod this might be the worst day of my life or the happiest.

We stand in the corridor corner looking at Ngwane's door its open and I don't know what to expect.

Mamzobe comes out wiping her tears while talking on the phone.

I put a hand over my mouth and slowly make my way to her everything in me won't believe it .

She sees me and gives me a hug.

"Mama" I say pulling away.

"My son is awake" She says moving from the door.

I bite my lip facing the door.

"The nurses called and I didn't want to tell anyone in case he has a set back" she says.

"I think you should go through" Lwazi says gently giving me a push.

I am scared and my hands and lips are quivering from relief.

He turns his head at the sound of the door shutting.

"Mnyamande" he says in a husky voice.

I am both angry and happy that he's okay to many emotions are going through me.

He stretches his hand and smiles.

"Woza" he says.

I reluctantly make my way to him tears streaming down.

"Ngwane" I say in disbelief.

He lets his own tears fall making me feel bad for even being angry.

He's awake and looking at me like he wasn't even gone.

"I thought you were gone I truly thought you left me" I say.

"Its okay I am here and I am not going anywhere" he says.

I kiss him all over and properly look at him this could be a dream.

"Never do this to me ever again promise that this won't happen again" I say.

He chuckles giving me a side smile.

"I promise sthandwa sam" he says.

I take off my shoes and lay next to him at his request of course.

He moves his hand to my arse and grabs it deeply exhaling.

"Where's my son" he asks.

"With my mom but I will bring him tomorrow he misses you" I say.

"I can't believe I was out for so long" he says.

"I am glad you're back" I say.

A moment passes with me giving thanks to God for bringing this man back to the land of the living.

"Ngwane" I say.

I look up when I don't get a response and he's gone fast asleep.

I kept him talking for my own selfish reason because I am afraid he might slip back into his deep sleep.

"This is all my fault I am sorry Ngwane" I say kissing his cheek.

Time does fly when you're at peace whatever the saying but time does fly.

Lwazi and Mamzobe left together living me mama's car behind for me to get home.

"You don't even know how much I love your bald arse" I say looking at him one more time. I just need
him home so I can sit on his face and have him pleasure me till I see heaven on earth.

His beard grew so much since his hospitalisation and is not so bald anymore.

I close the door behind me walking out its already late.

I make my way to the parking lot and spot Mamzobe's car just at the back.

I look up and find a man standing next to the car whistling. I could swear a minute ago he wasn't there
or maybe I am just too drunk in Ngwane vile that I am starting to lose.

"Excuse me" I say snapping out of thoughts.

He turns and its one huge scary looking dude I turn hoping to run but bump into another one's chest.

I am between these two men both armed the one I have my back against uses a damp chemical smelling
cloth to cover both my mouth and nose.

I scratch his hands with using every last strength till my body gives in and my eyes shut.

"She's a feisty one" he says scooping me up.

I want to show them what's feisty but I can't it.

.....

Iyioke Chizoba this one's for you although late but happy birthday hun.

NKANYEZI
034

I don't recall much about what happened after the parking incident. I have been out probably for hours
my head hurts to the point of exploding.

I don't know where I am this place looks old more like a basement of some sort.

I scan my surrounding and there's only a table here nothing else.

I try moving but my hand and feet are bound the chair. I feel this sting on my arm and notice a bruise I
must have been injected with something.

I try screaming but my voice ends up being the only thing echoing around.

Fear settles in when I realise no one is coming and I doubt they can hear me.

I see a pile of clothes and realise they are mine, I look at myself and I am only left with my emerald
green lingerie shorts and a matching top.

Ngwane's favourite dammit I shouldn't be here I should be with my husband nursing him back to health.

A moment passes before my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. I clasp my thighs together
contracting my vigina but nothing no soreness or discomfort. Relief washes over me they haven't done
anything to me but why am I here.

My family must ne worried and Ngwane must be going crazy not knowing where I am.

I shouldn't have walked to the car alone maybe if I waited for Ngwane to wake up then I wouldn't be
here. Maybe he was going to call Msizi to come fetch me now look what happened.

I close my eyes trying to think of my enemies and I can't pin point one. My life is messed up ever since I
became I Khanyile I have been making enemies along the way.

My breathing changes and my heart starts pounding when I some chortling outside.

I don't know what to say and so I turn to the only thing my mother believes in prayer.

I have never been this scared in my life not knowing what to expect or whom could walk through that
door.

I take a deep breath before closing my eyes.

"Heavenly father I don't know what to do but Mama says you are a faithfull God and you forgive all
those who sin when they acknowledge and repent from their ways. Please be with me Lord I don't want
to die please save me" The door opens and the two gentlemen who took me walk in.

I hope my prayer reaches the right ears and that someone finds me in time.

The scary looking one makes his way to me while the other one walks to the table.
"Please let me go" I say.

He looks at me and laughs to my face making me feel like a fool for even saying anything.

"My husband has a lot of money I promise if you let me go he will reward you. I swear I won't say
anything please" He shakes his head looking at his partner.

" You think we can be bought" he says raising his hand about to hit me.

"Remember the rules we don't touch her" The one at the table says.

What is he saying "You think we can be bought" come on these guys are criminals and I am kidnapped
for godsake.

"I have a son please let me go" I plead.

It seems right to beg for my life I don't want to die. There's so much I still need to do and I need to see
my son one more time.

The scary mean looking one takes out his phone.

"She's awake you can come in Mhlonishwa" he says.

Who the hell is this Mhlonishwa and what does he want with me.

I wish my heart would stop beating and pounding at the entrance of my ear.

I close my eyes this definitely can't be my end right.

The footsteps stop and I am forced to open my eyes.

I literally pee on myself when I see Zothile standing in front of me.

"Dammit Nkanyezi" he says shaking his head.

I am tongue tied this is not happening.

He looks like one of those powerful man we see in movies he's a walking Godfather right now.

"Bab' Khanyile" I say.

He slaps me so hard my ear starts ringing so much is going through my mind it all over the place infact.

"Now that's out of the way lets talk" he says.

I nod my head so fast my neck would snap.

"Set up the machine" he says.

I look at the table and an electrifying machine is being set up.

"Badla kamnandi oMthandeni" he says using his finger to pull at my top taking a peak of my breast.

He lets go and grabs a chair sitting opposite me.

He places his hands on my thighs and closes his eyes deeply inhaling and exhaling.
"I have a few questions for you" he says.

I nod just maybe my corporation will be my saving grace.

I have noticed that faced with death yoi can say anything just to save your skin.

"Did you temper with my car" I shake my head.

"Okay let's try this did you try to kill me" he says.

"No I didn't" I say.

He nods his head looking at his men.

"Boys this is my son's wife" he says smiling.

"I see why Sbopho can't get enough of you" he says.

"I didn't do anything and I don't know what you're talking about" I say.

He nods signalling his men to bring the machine closer.

"He sees a warrior in you but it's a shame I am going to break you" he says.

I beg and plead but all that falls on deaf ears.

"Mthandeni will find me" I say.

"You think after finding out that you tried to kill his father he will still come" he says.

He's planting doubt in my mind and I should stick to I don't know.

"I didn't try to kill you and I know he will" I say.

"You are naive Mthandeni is my son I know him better than anyone" he says.

"Why are you doing this" I ask.

"I just want the truth that's all" he says.

"But I don't know anything" I say.

"You know forcing Mthandeni to marry you was the biggest mistake of my life. I will not allow you to
take my son away from me not now not ever" he says.

"I am not taking him away from you he's mu husband" I say.

"You have this hold over him which makes him weak and I can't have that. Spobho is different he was
born to lead not to be led. He was born to never leave an enemy behind he's my son and no matter
what happens he sees me as his father" he says.

"He has never turned his back on me because I am his father and I love my son" he says the last softly I
almost believe him or maybe he's telling the truth.

He raises his hand signalling the mean one to bring the machine closer.
Zothile takes off his coat and rolls up his sleeves bringing a bucket closer.

He puts my feet inside the bucket the cold calms me down.

"I didn't want this to get ugly but then again you forced my hand" he says.

"Do you see this machine" I nod my head.

"Great because we are going to find out how many volts it can give" he says drapping some wiring
around me and on the chains holding my wrist to the chair.

"Did you try to kill me" I shake my head my eyes on the table then back at him I can't concentrate.

"Oh well I don't believe you" he says turning on the machine.

This electrifying shock surges through my whole body hurting me.

I close my eyes hoping the pain stops and that it goes away.

He stops and sighs looking at me..

"Let's try this again was it you" he asks.

I can't say anything my mouth is dry and fingers hurt but legs on the other hand feel like I have niddles
on them.

He raises his hand once again and I swear this one kills and brings me back to the land of the living.

I bite my lip feeling the shock burn everything in I have never felt such pains before..

My tears stream down when the machine stops. I think about my baby boy's angelic face and smile and
that seems to set me off real bad.

I remember saying this man would never have the satisfaction of seeing my tears but here I am crying
and begging him.

"Its okay I know it hurts but one way or the other I will get the truth out of you" he says.

"Think about my son" My voice is hoarse and burning out.

"Unenkani umthetho wakho" he says signalling one more time.

I tighten my teeth together hoping to take it but he ups the dosage and this one jerks me up tilll the
chair falls over.

Memories flash before my eyes and then Ngwane's face constantly pops up. I see him making love to
me. I see him happy at peace and then I see myself walking away from all this before I close my eyes.

"If I can't break you then maybe someone will buy you" he says.

"I don't know who hurt you or who turned you into such a monster but I am sorry" I manage to say.
I wake up to a splash of water all over me. I come about and notice I am no longer on the floor but
sitting up straight.

"I am sorry I had to do that" The one who has been following orders without saying anything says.

"Where is he" I ask.

"He left but he's coming back" he says.

I nod my speech sounds different and my whole body hurts.

"The shock will wear off don't worry" he says.

He offers me water and I can't drink greedily I have to take small sips.

"Please help me" I say.

He wipes blood off my lip and sighs.

"I am sorry I can't" he says.

"I am a mother and a daughter please I am begging you" I say.

"I know your husband he has always been good to me" he says.

"You know him then please call him and tell him wherr I am" I say hopeful.

You see that's the problem with hope it creates longing and hope on it's own.

"If I do anything my family is dead" he says.

I nod.

"Okay I understand" I say.

Just like that my hope dies with my understanding.

"I don't know what you did to end up but it must big, people who end up here never make it out" he
says rubbing his forehead.

"Please give him a massage" I say.

He looks at the coners my eyes following his the place has cameras.

"Please don't be too obvious" he says placing his phone on the table.

I know he is taking a huge risk and if someone walks in on my speach we are both dead.

I look at him and I just hope Ngwane gets this in time and that should anything happen to him. I don't
want him to blame himself none if this is his fault.

.
.

Mthandeni

I have been cooped up in this bloody hosoital for way to long this walls are starting to get to me.

I hate the people in this place and being stuck here will only send out the wrong impression on my
peers.

I can't bee seen as a weakling I need to out there with my family making love to my wife. I head some of
her speach in my sleep that woman wants to give me more babies. She wants kids with me just imagine
this beautiful woman strong and feisty, resilient and amazing wanting more kids with me.

I know most woman would have ran after being told "You're free there's the door walk away and I will
make sure ky father never touches you. Go find the love, warmth and happiness you deserve" these are
the words I said to her at the farm but she stayed.

I still can't believe she looks at me like that, like I am a saint like I don't have blood on my hands.
Mnyamande looks at me like the father of her son not the man who violated.

I love her so much I would give my life for her over and over again without thinking twice. I would kill
whoever wishes to take her away from me or harms her in any way.

And my son that boy looks so much like me it's mindblowing. I want to do better for him and for his
mother I want my son to be proud of me.

Mnyamande's mother is slowly warming up to me which is another blessing. That women hates my guts
but because of her daughter she's tolerating me.

"All done sir" The nurse says.

I look at her and nod my head.

"Thank you and please close the door behind you" I say.

I asked one of the nurses to plack my bag seeing that I am leaving this hell.

Her face drops showing how disappointed she is.

"I am married" I say rasing my hand up.

She smiles walking out, now this is also another reason I want to leave this place these women have
been ogling at me.

I reach for my phone and call Mnyamande but it goes straight to voicemail. Her phone has been doing
this a day long and I am starting to get worried.

I look at the time and it 7 pm tomorrow morning I am leaving this dammed placed.

The door opens and my mother followed by Msizi walk in.

"Bafo" Msizi says giving me a hug.

"Mama where's Mnyamande" I ask.

She looks at MsizI and closes the door.

"Mthandeni" she says clasping her hands.

I abruptly stand get up from the bed putting strain on my leg.

The doctor warned me it would take time to heal.

"What happened is she here" I ask.

"Bafo Nkanyezi went missing last night and no one knows where she is" He says.

"What" I ask tilting my head.

"And you didn't tell me this because" I ask.

"I thought she was at her parents place or Lwazi but now I don't know any more" Mamzobe says.

"Do you know how vital a dau is when a person is missing" I ask breathing heavily.

Msizi passes me my inhaler.

"Where's your father Msizi" I ask.

"I don't know" He says.

I look at my mother her eyes begging me.

"If he took her then I am going to kill him" I say.

"Mthandeni don't say that" she says.

"I swear to God if he touches her ngizombulala" I say trying my best to control my breathing.

I reach for my phone trying to call him but he doesn't pick up.

I sink to the floor he wouldn't do this to me not after I have been nothing but loyal to him.

Baba wouldn't kill me noy like this not by taking Mnyamande away from me.

"Will find her" My mother says bringing me into her arms.

"Kwakumele ungiminye ngiseswini than to have me be raised by that man" I say.

"Mthandeni no don't say that" she says.

"It's true you should have killed me" I say standing up.

This leg hurts but the anger and pain I feel right now masks it.

I call Zibulo and he immediately picks.

"Mkhulu" he says.
"Nyambose I need your help" I say.

"Anything bafo" he says.

"I need you and Qhawe to help me find Mnyamande" I say.

"What happened Ngwane" he asks.

"He took my wife and I am going to kill him Nyambose this time he has went to far. I won't even spare
him" I say.

"We should be there before midnight" he says.

I end the call and grab my bag.

"Mthandeni what are you doing" Mamzobe asks.

"I am going to find my wife" I say.

The doctor walks in followed by a nurse.

"Sir we heard some commotion" The doctor says.

I look at the man and clench my jaw.

"Out of my way" I say shoving him out of my path.

A ping comes through my phone making me stop on my tracks.

I look at the phone and it a message and audio to be precise.

"Ngwane" her angelic voice comes making me feel so weak.

"I don't know if this will get to you with me still alive or not. I am so sorry I pray that when you learn the
truth you will forgive me. I love you more than you will ever know I am happy that you got to experience
my love for you. Please take care of our son love him and for the both of us. Ngiyakuthanda Khanyile
ngikthanda kakhuku Ngwane" it says.

By the time I am done listening to this tears fall from eyes.

I try calling the number but it says it doesn't exist..

My mother put her hand on my shoulder.

She sounded weak and in tears what are they doing my baby.

....

My apologise for neglecting you guys but the moment I get a new phone things will be back on track

NKANYEZI
035

I must have dozed off a long time ago because I wake up to the splash of water on my face.

I look up and find Zothile standing before me. I am tired drained and slowly giving up that's how broken I
am. This man has finally broken me although I won't admit it but he has. I miss my son so much he's the
only thing I have been thinking. I miss seeing Ngwane's beautiful gentle smile, I remember the first time
I saw him in that hotel. We talked about Ted Bundy the serial killer I had already drwan my assumptions
about the him. I had already told myself that he was nothing but a cold hearted man. I can still feel his
hands trace my waist and drop my dress from the shoulders down. I can still feel his cold breath hit my
neck and his cold hands settling on my back.

Underneath all that roughness and cold facade he's truly a gentle soul broken but making the best of the
situation.

I wanted to give him more kids and make love to him every day of my life but I doubt that's going to
happen.

I wanted to grow old with and have him raise our son the way he wasn't.

See at the beginning of this whole marriage I had one thing in mind and that was to destory the
Khanyile's. But things turned out differently and I ended up falling for them all but still my hatred for
Zothile consumed me and here we are.

I never wanted all of this my heart only wanted one thing and that has always been peace.

I knew peace once you know and that was a long time ago.

I can feel my soul slowly drift away from my cold shaking body.

If only my mother could see me now how strong I have been througout this whole thing. I vowed never
to give him the satisfaction and I think I have succeeded so far.

Zothile can kill me for alm I care it doesn't matter anymore.

He places the gun on my chin lifting my face up.

I smile and that furiates him even more, I mean what better way to die with a smile on my face right.

"You are stubborn" He says.

"Well blame my mother for that she raised a king and I don't bow down to anyone" I say.

I wish he would just get this over and done with.

"You slut" he says furiously.

"If I didn't know better I would say you want me. But I know better and beside Mthandeni would
definitely kill you if that were the case" I say.

He clenches his jaws and places the gun on the table.

He turns grabs me by my neck slamming against the wall.

I think this is it my final hour. I close my eyes not wanting to see his face he's an older version of
Ngwane.

My feet are dangling while his hold tightens around my neck.

I wish I could fight back but I can't it's too much, the crying , the begging and the negotiating everything
is just too much.

"He won't even miss you and I am sure Lilitha would love to warm his bed" he says.

I am not angry just sad that things had to end here.

I pray Ngwane doesn't blame himself for all this none of this was ever his fault.

If given the chance I would tell him that I love him and that he's been the light to my gloomy days. And
oh my poor baby I don't know how he's going to handle this or how life is going to treat him.

My mother I hope she finds closure and solace in God and her tea.

I hope Zweli will be there for Nolwazi she's fragile that one she just doesn't show it. And my fabulous
Lwandle he will be okay he might drown himself in gin for days to come but I know he's going to okay.

The first man to break my heart my father I pray he forgives himself.I pray he doesn't blame himself I
have long forgiven him.

Finally the Khanyile's I hope they heal together as a family and that Mamzobe finally find courage to
walk away from this man. I hope she finally stands up not only for herself but her kids too.

And maybe one of them will tell Sthandile the truth the poor child can't walk around with her head
buried in the sand.

I close my eyes and it's the best feeling ever knowing in a few minutes it will all be over. I will be rid of
the pain and mu body will stop aching and my teeth will stop gashing and my heart will be free from the
pains of this world.

The door burst open and Zothile let's go dropping me.

This feels like a dream but it's not Ngwane is here. I don't want to get excited God knows I have been
dreaming and hallucinating about this day.

"I will kill you" Tears stream down from eyes when I hear his voice.

I knew he would come for me I just didn't think he would find me alive.

He grabs his father by his collar dragging him across the room.

This one overly bushed man tries to pull him ogf but the other one they are with stops him.

"Myeke Mkhulu this was long over due" he says.

Ngwane starts punching Zothile till he's bloodied and unable to speak.

I have never seen him this angry and by the looks of it no one can stop him.

"Mthandeni stop" his father says.

I don't know where he finds the strength to speak but he does.

The overly bushed covers my exposed body with a jacket.

I can't seem to move this feels so unreal and I am afraid if I close my eyes this might all be a dream.

His hands are dripping blood and now he's strangling his father.

"Ngwane that's enough uzombulala" The bushy one says.

"Let him be this old creep should have thought before taking Mnyamande" The other one says.

"Ngwane please stop" I say.

He looks my way his jaws clenched shaking his head.

"Don't ask that of me" he says.

"Don't allow him to reel you in don't kill him" I say.

He shakes his head letting go of him, he pulls out a gun and and shoots him on the keens.

I put a hand over my mouth closing my eyes I shouldn't be seeing this.

"Mthandeni please forgive me" his father says.

"She tried to kill me" Zothile says.

"Liar Mnyamande would never do that" he says defending me.

He doesn't know all the facts yet he's defending me.

He looks at me while dragging him to the window.

"Ngwane no" I say trying to stand but the these men hold me back.

Mthandeni limps to the window and drops his father like a bag potatoes.

He takes his hoody off wiping his hands with it making his way to me.

"I am sorry" I say.

"I am so sorry Ngwane this is all my fault" I say.

He kneels in front of me letting his own tears fall.

"Nkanyezi don't close your eyes" he shouts.

Seeing him should be enough to see me through to the next life.

I wake up the beeping machine and blinding light with an IV on my arm.

I close my eyes and pinch myself making sure this is real.

I look to my side and Ngwane is just looking at me. I don't know what he's thinking maybe he regrets
coming for me in the first place.

Tears well up I survived and I think I killed my husband in the process.

"You shouldn't have come" I say.

He stands up from the chair and settles in the bed holding ny hand.

"He's not dead something broke his fall" he says sounding relieved.

I break down clasping his hand.

"Tell me what he said is not true" he says.

I can't lie to him not after what happened.

"Nkanyezi was it you" he asks.

I nod my head shamelessly.

He runs his hands over his bald haead and sighs bringing me into a hug.

"I didn't mean to do it but I was angry Ngwane I was so angry" I say trying to justify my doing.

He says nothing and that worries me.

"Say something" I say.

He kisses my forehead and tightens his hold over me.

"Mtha" I say.

I can hear him sniffle and deeply exhale.

I know I hurt him but I am truly sorry.

"I love you" he says.

The doctor walks in holding a chart.

"I called the authorities Mr Khanyile such a case can't go un reported" The doctor says.

"I am not pressing any charges" I say.

The doctor looks at me and nods his head.

"The moment your wife was brought In we did a few tests, she was highly dehydrated and starved we
also noticed some spotting which could have been caused by a number of thing" He says.

"Are you saying she was assaulted" Mthandeni asks

"No sir but the bleeding could have been caused by a lot of things like the shocks administered to her
body. The bruises on her face and body and the fact that your wife sir is pregnant" he says.

I think the wind passed and time slowed down.

"She's what" Mthandeni asks.

"Your wife is pregnant and by the looks of things she's in her first trimester" he says.

"What does that mean" Mthandeni asks.

"In layman term she's three months pregnant" he says..

"I will ask one of the nurses to come check on you" the doctor says walking out.

I can't wrap my head around this.

Ngwane stands up and stands against the wall looking at me.

I don't think I want to be pregnant Infact I don't know how to feel right now.

Silence passes through us I guess each one of us trying to digest the news.

He moves closer and places his hand on belly then followed by his head.

"I am going to be a father" he says breaking down..

I put my hand on his head so many things are happening at once can't I just breathe.

He still smells of his father's blood and that makes me sick but my body is too tired to move.

Ngwane didn't go home last night he stayed with me his hands never moving from my belly.

I met his friends and it turns out that was Qhawe and Zibulo and maan they are handsome. I couldn't
keep my eyes from them some ladies are lucky out there.

I promised Zibulo that once things have settled down I will persuade Ngwane to come visit.

I want to go and sleep in my own see my son and maybe I will much better.

The door opens and the whole family walks in with gifts and treats in hand.

I appreciate everyone coming but I just want my mother.

"Mama" she titls her head and nods.

"I know sthandwa sam I know" she says.

"He tried to kill mama" she puts her hand over her mouth.

"Hayi sisi" she says.

"He electrified me mama till I peed myself" she pulls me into a hug hushing me down.
"Everything is going to be okay" she says.

I pull away shaking my head..

"I want to come home" I say.

She looks at me shock written all over her face.

"Mama I am pregnant" I say.

"I know and I am here now everything is going to be okay" she says.

"Mthandeni knows the truth and I think he hates me mama" I say.

She pulls away and smiles.

"He would never hate you that boy loves you" she says.

Frankly I think he is herr because of the baby but I know he's angry.

I have caused more harm than good just when I thought I was doing the right thing.

Its been two days since I got back from the hospital. I couldn't stay there any longer I figured the
brusises and aching would go away with time.

I haven't heard anything about Zithole but he's still alive fighting for his life in hospital.

If his ancestors don't deal with him then I will finish him off and nothing will stand in my way this time.

I saw my baby boy and the warm hugs and kisses he gave me were worth it all.

I asked my mother to take him home with so I could handle a few things.

Mthandeni hasn't said anything much to me since that night.

I feel like he's shutting me out and that hurts I want to get in his head but he's shut everything and
everyone out.

"This will calm you down" he says pouring the water over my shoulders.

I am inside the bathtub taking a bath, he's the one who suggested it and put all these different oils and
salts.

This whole process is soothing and relaxing I am trying by all means not to think about what happened,
but my minds keeps drifting back to that place.
I feel his hand wipe my cheek snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I am sorry that he took you" he says.

He can't even look at me in the eye.

"I know you can't get over the fact that I tried to kill your father. I can't forgive myself for what I did and
knowing I almost lost you in that car still kills me" I say.

"Can we not talk about this please let's focus on building our family" he says.

I take his hand and kiss it.

"All I kept think about was you and oir son and the family we could have" I say.

"Could Nkanyezi where is this going" he says.

"Ngwane it's all too much" I say.

He shakes his head and stands up.

"Sthandwa sam you are just tired that's all" he says.

I shake my head biting my lower lip.

"I love you but I can't do this anymore" I say.

"Mnyamande please" he says.

"I am sorry but it's all too much I can't stay in this house not anymore" I say.

"You can't do this Nkanyezi you can't take away my son away from me please" he says.

"Wow so much for vowing to stay no matter what" he says walking away.

This is hard but it needs to be done I am losing my self and that was never part of the plan.

I was left with Mamzobe after Ngwane stormed out of this place. I had to tell her that I am leaving and I
don't know if I will be coming back.

She couldn't stop her tears and we shared a moment there while she poured her heart out to me.

It's funny how woman are always subjected to pain and misery by these men all because woman are
deemed to be strong and that the endure. All that is what we have been told and raised to believe but
these men are good are just good at breaking us.

"Now is your chance to reclaim your life and fight back" I said.

She looked at me and smiled.

"You are kind beautiful and wise my son is luck to have you" she said.
"Ma your husband is powerless and if there's ever anything you wanted to do to him this is your time" I
said.

"Zothile will wish that the fall had killed him" she said.

"He has taken so much away from my son including you and now he has to pay " she said..

"I will make sure he begs me to set him free because I will show him hell on earth" she said offering me
a cup of tea.

"I want you to take care of yourself and I want you to know that you will always be welcomed" she said.

"And I promise you can still see Qiniso whenever you want" I said.

I have been waiting for Ngwane to come back home but he hasn't. My father came by to take my stuff
and dropped my tittle deed.

I can't believe we were able to pull this off and buy this land from right under his nose without him
knowing.

He walks in and settles on the edge of the bed.

I join him and clear my throat trying to hold his hand but he retracts it.

I take his hand and place it on my belly.

"Thank you for yet another gift" I say

"The nights we spent at the farm you were happy free and the kind of man want tl raise our son" I say.

"Don't leave me" he says.

"I am not leaving you ,I just need to be away" I say.

He nods but I don't think he understands anyt of this.

I give him the tittle deed with a faint smile on my face.

"Happy birthday Ngwane" I say.

He goes through the papers and then looks at me.

"Because I love you so much" I say.

He looks at me through glossy eyes.

"Spend one more night with me,let me make love to you one more time" he says kissing me..

He pulls away allowing me to catch my breath.

I nod all of me wants him and there's no denying it.

.....

The end is near bakithi and I will finish the story come rain or high waters.

Excuse the errors..

NKANYEZI

036

Mthandeni

It took forever to sink in that Mnyamande left and went to her parents leaving me. I know she needs
some time to herself but what about me. Don't I deserve to be in my children's life and wake up to her
all the days of my life. I thought we were going to get past this together like all the times she cried in my
arms and never wanted me to let go.

l know I don't deserve her but my heart yearns for her and only her.

She's beautiful inside and out and my kids are lucky to have her.

I don't regret throwing my father out the window he deserves all that I did to him and so much more.

I can't believe he wanted to kill Nkanyezi, I know she crossed the line when she tried to kill him but my
father has caused enough damage and pain in people's lives.

And even when Nkanyezi was faced with the devil himself and was so close to death she could smell it
that never fazed her. Nkanyezi held on and fought to stay alive she had hope I would walk through that
door if that isn't faith and trust then I don't know.

My mother some how persuaded the doctors to let go of my father and have him heal home.

The man woke up three days after his fall and luckily nothing much was broken if only his fall wasn't
broken then I would be singing another tune. The only thing I managed was to paralyse him and the fall
played a huge role.

I know having him here is all just a front my mother has something planned for the man.

I decided that Sthandile and Msizi leave for KZN and go stay with my aunt. It's enough that one child
bears the scars of the past but I can't have Sthandile and Msizi go through what I did.

I love those two and I would do anything to protect them even if it means putting up a front.

I walk inside my father's bedroom and it's been transformed into a state of the art home hospital.

I walk to the window slightly opening it bringing in the sunlight.

I turn having my back against him not that it matters he is asleep or is it heavily medicated I don't know.

"Aunty Thandekile told me that growing things went easy for you but I never deserved what you put me
through" I say.

"All I ever wanted was your approval and love as your son. I wanted a family and you took that away
from me without even caring. I hate that I still regard you as my father and deep down inside me I still
have hope but I know that's just the kid in me" I sigh looking at him.

"All I wanted was that you be a father to me that's all but you just couldn't. I would have been the best
son but you denied us both that chance" I say.

"I wish I could feel sorry for you and beg Mama to stop her madness but I don't and I won't. You took
away so much from that woman I think it's time she took what's left of you" I am hoping he wakes up
and says something but he doesn't.

"I forgive you baba and I love you I wish things were different. I am not doing for you but for myself
Nkanyezi says forgiveness sets you free and it's a step towards healing" I say.

I walk towards the door and deeply sigh. Saying these words and meaning them has just set me free and
my heart feels at peace.

All I can think about is Mnyamande and the good that she has inside her.

I join my mother in the living room and go straight on my knees resting my head on her lap.

She puts her cup of tea down placing her hands on my head.

I used to stay like this whenever things got to much and I didn't know what to do.

My mother had a way of calming me down a way of healing my heart with just one touch.

"I am sorry" she says rubbing my back.

"I am sorry that I failed you as your mother that I watched by while your father abused you. I am sorry
that you had to growp up before your time that you had to take care of me. I am so sorry Mthandeni
that I couldn't protect you ungixolele" she says breaking down.

I stay on my knees thinking back to all those night she would hold me and apologise.

And then there were days I would apologise for what my father did to her.

"I know nothing makes sense right now but Nkanyezi loves you so much" she says.

"But she left and it hurts she walked out on me" I say.

"That's not true and you know it" She says.

"What if she doesn't come back to me" I ask.

"Even if she doesn't come back to you which I highly doubt but she made a difference in your life and
you should be greatful. I know that God brought her into your life for a reason for you to heal one
another and to be the man that you are today. Despite what happened in the past that girl has done
nothing but love and respect you with all your faults" she says.

"This has been a year of healing for you and Nkanyezi played a huge role in it, she's a strong woman and
having her by your side will make me happy" she says.

"I love you ma" she lifts my head up and smiles.

"I love you so much Mthandeni" she says.

I wipe her tears and kiss her cheek.

"You are my queen and I don't like seeing you cry mama" I say.

"The day Nkanyezi walked through that door I stopped crying and seeing the way she looked at you
knowing that someone loves you as much as I do wiped my tears away" she says.

"The way she looks at me" I say with smile.

"She looks at you and sees you for what you are her past, today and future she loves you" she says.

A smile spreads across my lips.

"I love her mama so much" I say.

"I know mfana wam" she says giving me a hug.

Nyambose called and asked we meet for drinks which didn't form part of my day.

Nyambose is what you call a brother and best friend in one he knows everything about my past and
what I have been through.

I park outside the restaurant and walk towards them. I hope Msiszi grows up to be fine young man like
Qhawe and that our relationships remains solid till the end.

"You took your time" Zibulo says standing up.

We share a hug and Qhawe gives me a handshake.

"Give the man a break he's going through a lot" Qhawe says.

"I had to do a few things before coming here" I say settling down.

The table already has glasses and the finest whisky with a few beers on the side.

I gulp down a glass and grab a beer.

"Easy this is the strong stuff" Zibulo says.

"She's still not back" Qhawe says.

I nod gulping down the bottle.

"Yet you are here and not running after her" he says.

"We don't run after women we hunt" Zibulo says making me laugh.

He's a fine one to talk now not so long ago he was in the papers and MaButhelezi was taking him to the
cleaners.

"You're the last person to talk" I say.

"True Zenkosi showed him flames so he shouldn't even be saying anything" Qhawe says .

"I still can't believe you were taken for a p**s" I say.

Who in their right minds gets framed for cheating.

"I was drugged and we are not talking about me here but you" Zibulo says defensively.

"Kahle Nyambose besengiy'sholo mina" I say.

"So what's the plan how are you going to win her back" Qhawe says.

I look at him and shake my head.

"I don't know she's fragile at the moment and I don't want to seem aggressive" I say.

"I had to fight for Zenkosi even though she wanted nothing to do with me because I knew she was the
one still is" Zibulo says.

"I know Nkanyezi is the one but she's been through a lot and I am afraid if I push to hard she might close
off" They look at me and I can't tell what they are thinking.

"Since when did you become this soft" Zibulo asks.

"Its called being inlove" I say not sure If the words just came out of my mouth.

"You two complicate this love thing and I swear when I find the right I will leave everything behind just
for her" Qhawe says.

Nyambose's phone rings,he gets it amd by the smile on his face its his wife.

They share pleasantries and suddenly he puts the phone on the table.

"You may speak my love" he says warmly.

I miss Nkanyezi and seeing Zibulo this happy makes me want to fight for my wife.

"Baby my gran wants to say Hi" Zenkosi says.

"Ngwane" Gogo says.

I clear my throat holding back my laughter.

"Gogo" I say.

She laughs together with Zenkosi.

"I just wanted to tell you that I found myself a young thing seeing that you boys are getting married left
right and centre" Gogo says.

"You know no one can ever take your place" I say.

"Kodwa Ngwane how can you get married without trying me first huh first it was Zibulo and his uncle
now it's you" she says..

I am in stitches this woman always has something to say.

"I hope she treats you right and that she's nothing like Zenkosi and her white people baby making
tendencies" she says.

"Hau gogo" Zenkosi says on the other end.

"You two are rabbits phela kwento eniyaziyo ukumithisana" she says.

"That's enough ladies sthandwa sam I will call you back I love you" Zibulo says.

"Qhawe when are you getting married" I ask.

He looks at me and raises his eyebrow.

"Does it look like I want to do die" he asks.

"Getting married should be considered as part of a thousand ways to die" He says grabbing a beer.

I look at my ring finger and smile marriage has been good to me.

Nkanyezi

Things haven't felt the same since I left the house and came back home.

I miss him so much it hurts and when I have cravings he's all I think about.

I look at Qiniso and see him that's how much being without him is tormenting me.

Mama says I should take all the time I need but I shouldn't forget that he's a man and that there are
many hoe hoes waiting to snacth him.

Can you believe my church going mother used those words.

I had to pack up for the day and go to Lwazi's place I can't deal with my mother and her nagging and
making me drink tea.

I have my off shoulder dress on with sandals Lwazi is taking me out for lunch.

She comes back with a tub of icecream strutting her stuff.

"But then again she's right Ngwane is a catch and someone who is right upstairs will snatch him from
right under your nose" she says putting on her lacey thong.

I am being subjected to live porn and there's nothing I can do lately I have been attentive it's not even
funny.

"Ngwane would never do that to us" I say taking a spoonful.

She looks at me and laughs.

"I bet that's what Beyonce said about JayZ only to have him cheat with Becky with the good hair" she
says..

I don't like where this is going.

I reach for my phone and this man of mine hasn't called.

I need something stronger maybe some dark chocolate cake would do right now.

"You do know Lilitha is lurking in the background waiting to pounce" she says.

"Lwazi don't even mention her yazi ngizoboshwa" I say.

She laughs shaking her head.

"We wouldn't be having this conversation if you hadn't left him, Mana come on its clear that you love
him and yes you need some space but call the man" she says.

I look at her tilting my head.

"Come lets get going Lwandle must be blowing a gasket" she says giving me my bag.

I no longer feel like going out now not after what Lwazi has been saying.

We get to the restaurant and Lwandle is already on his second drink.

I know he's about to say something these drinks have gone up to his head.

"Yanina bononkroyi" he says standing up.

"It's her fault we are late" Lwazi points at me.

What is she for real, she's the one who took long to get dressed and she wouldn't close her mouth.

"I see being manless has turned you into a boring prune" he says looking at me.
"Come on we aren't that late" I say giving him a hug.

Three good looking gentlemen decide to join our table and these two bitches seem to be having a ball.

I am smiling but my heart isn't at this table and beside I am pregnant.

"Don't look but Ngwane is here" Lwazi says hiding her face.

My stomach fills with butterflies and my palms start sweating.

I want to look so bad I can't help it, I haven't seen him in such a long time.

"Oh my word he's heading this way" Lwazi says clearing her throat.

I feel his presence behind me and my heart goes from zero to hundred instantly.

"Khwesha mfana"

I have an orgasim right there and there from just hearing his voice.

He places his hand on my arm and my whole body reacts to his touch.

"Boys you better leave" Lwazi says.

"I thought we were having a good time" One of them says.

"Mnyamande awukhulume nalabo popayi benu basuke la" he says in a warning tone.

I see them get up and scatter to their table.

I love how this man talks and people start shaking.

"Sukuma" he says.

I look at these two who have their eyes on the table where Mthandeni was.

"The bushy one is married and the other one single asambe Mnyamande" he says.

I get my bag having his him place his hand on my back.

He takes me to the car and drives out.

I wish he would say something anything but he keeps his eyes on the road and says nothing to me.

We finally reach our destination It's a house more like a beautiful fortress.

He takes my hand I don't even know what all this means. He leads me to the back and the garden is so
beautiful it takes my breath away.

I could see Qiniso running around and my baby taking her clumsy steps in this place.

He lets go of my hand giving me the chance to admire the place I did say it's beautiful right.

There's a small old bench under one tree and I can already picture Ngwane and I setting there having
our morning cups.
I look at him pleased but still confused.

"I wanted to do this right I wanted it to be a surprise but things happened so fast I couldn't" he says.

If this conversation is headed where I think it is then to me this still constitutes a surprise my poor man
just doesn't know it.

"I bought you this the morning after we came back from the farm. I knew the moment I made love to
you that you are my past,today and tomorrow I knew I didn't want to lose you" he says.

I think I am going to cry no one has ever bought a whole house for me.

"Ngwane" he smiles shrugging his shoulders.

"I love you Mnyamande and I know we still have a long way to go but I want to do it with you no one
else" he says.

"This is mine" I ask.

He looks at me trying to grapple my question.

"Is that all you head" he asks

I nod pulling his leg.

"Just know I won't say all that again" he says scrunching his nose.

I move close to him and take his hand.

"You love me and you don't see a future without me. I mean the world to you and you just bought me a
house without me having to ask" he smiles running his hand over his head.

"I am sorry" I say.

He kisses my cheek and I was hoping he would aim for the mouth.

He takes my hand walking me into house.

"I want to show you something" he says.

The house is fully furnished except for the kitchen.

"You once told me the kitchen is the heart of a home hence I left it like this" he says..

He listens the man listens when I talk.

"I was hoping you would share your heart with this kitchen" he says wrapping his hands around my
belly.

He sighs kissing my neck.

"I am not perfect Mnyamande but I am trying. I love you and I hope my love is enough for you not walk
away from us" he says.

I am happy but the most excited part is my throbbing clit.

He kisses my shoulders using his fingers to pull the dress down undoing my bra exposing my breast.

I close my eyes when I feel his hands play with them.

"Don't you want us to christen your kitchen" he whispers.

I turn and look into his moist eyes.

"I forgive you Ngwane" I say.

He stares at me and the warmth of his gaze just tugs away at my heart.

"Because I love you and you keep blessing me with precious gifts money can't buy" I say placing his hand
on my belly.

"Marry me for real this time,Nkanyezi Thwala will you marry me" he says.

I try pulling up my dress he just proposed and I feel inappropriate.

He gets ahold of my hands and chuckles.

"Don't this view looks amazing its perfect in fact" he says cupping them then taking them into his mouth.

It's not long till I find myself in one of the bedrooms moaning his name and screaming out loud when he
gives me slow gentle stokes.

He pulls out and cuddles me catching his breath.

"I meant what I said marry me" he says pressing himself against me.

Marrying him means starting over it means a cleane slate. Marrying him again means having my own
family raising our own kids.

........

I will post on friday hope you're all good.

NKANYEZI

037

Mamzobe

For the first time in such a long one I can sleep peacefully without having to worry about my son or what
Zothile might be up too.

I know my family blames me for everything that has happened in my home and I don't blame them.
I failed as a mother and I failed all three of my kids,Sthandile lives in her own happy world and doesn't
know half the things that are going on around her. Msizi hates me for standing by and watching their
father abuse them. And my world Mthandeni loves me but deep down resents me and I don't blame
him.

I should have done more and fought harder to keep my children safe but I didn't.

I remember the first time I saw Zothile I was on my way to fetch water and he was herding cows to their
drinking place.

He was different from all the other boys and he had a smooth tongue.

I remember falling in love with his eyes and the way he would play with words.

Going home that morning I had butterflies in my stomach and he was all I could think about.

I remember looking forward to go fetch water because I knew he would be waiting for me.

He would walk me home and carry my bucket for me all those little things made me fall for him.

He would talk about great things that we only heard off from the radio. He was a dreamer and a doer he
wanted so much more and leaving the rural area was one of them.

He wanted to give me the best life and he did but it was never enough.

I loved Zothile I still do but my love wasn't enough for him to let go of all the hurt and pain he went
through as a child.

His father was a wicked man and I guess what's happening to me was a circle of what he went through.

He saw his father brutally murder his mother and he never got psychological help for it.

I tried being there and offered all the help and love but it wasn't enough. I believe deep down he
wanted to keep hurting he wanted to be angry so that he could justify all the bad he was doing.

I would hear him cry himself to sleep after beating up Mthandeni and I couldn't understand why he
wouldn't stop.

I make my way to his bedroom and stand by the door watching him.

He's still handsome but what good is the outside beauty if the inside is rotten.

I remove my slippers and get next to him this man was once my whole world.

"What went wrong Khanyile" I say.

"I am angry so angry and not for what you did to me no. I am angry for what you did to our son you
forced him to commit the most hurtful act ever to a woman" I say.

"I gave up everything for you, followed you everywhere and made sure you were well taken care off. I
made sure your dreams came true and I gave you two son's and one daughter but all that wasn't
enough" I say.
"You were so angry at life that you ended up being cold and the man I fell I inlove with vanished just like
that" I say.

"Mamzobe" he says.

I look up and wipe my tears.

"I am sorry Mkami for everything" he says.

I asked the doctor to keep him sedated most of the time.

"It's too late for that Khanyile this is it of us" I say.

"You are leaving me" he asks.

"I want you to pay for your sins" I say.

The doctor said he would be bound to a wheelchair and he's not sure for how long.

I want to make him pay his legs have been taken away from him what more can I take.

He's lost everything his family and I know his pride and ego have taken a knock.

I stand up and put on my shoes and look at him.

"The nurse will bring you your food" I say.

"Mamzobe please stay" he says.

"My place is no longer with you" I say.

"Last night you asked them not plate for me you said I was asleep" he says.

"What I do or say to my staff in my house is none of your business" I say.

"Please don't sedate me tonight I can't take this feeling it's just not right" he says.

I walk out and have my back against the wall catching my breath. This man will have me committing
murder maybe I should have him taken back to the hospital. I am afraid I will do something stupid or
maybe I will overdose him and have his blood on my hands.

Nkanyezi

I don't think happiness decribes what I am feeling right now.

This man can make the things that happen in the bedroom and I love every moment of it.

He makes me see things and say things I never thought I would.

I have been spending time with him in our house with our son and bun in the oven.

Life is just bliss and I am greatful for having this man in my life. Last night I had my legs wrapped around
him trimming his beard. At first he didn't want me touching the beard claiming I would mess it up I
don't blame him my barber skills aren't that great.

But I did a great job he looks sharp and handsome if there's one thing I never really took to mind was his
looks.

Hayibo this man is handsome and those lips of his and his beautiful eyes. I drown in them and when he
looks at me all my pain goes away.

I look at Qiniso and say he's the greatest gift ever. I thank God every day for not taking him away when I
didn't want him.

I am yet to tell my mother about the house or should I say my castle.

I can't wait to design my kitchen now that's where all the magic will happen where I will spend my time
cooking for my family.

Mthandeni says he can't wait to see me in the kitchen strutting my stuff and bending. The way he said
that made me believe it wasn't at all innocent I know Ngwane and he loves getting some.

I reach for my phone and there's a text from Lwazi. This one has been bugging me about Qhawe's
numbers and when I ask about my brother she claims you save the best for last.

I hear some noise coming from downstairs I quickly get up slip into my robe and rush down.

I find Sthandile standing and howling insults at Ngwane. At first this image doesn't faze me at all till I
notice the disappointment on his face.

I can't believe he's just sitting there listen to this crap doing nothing.

"I can't believe you would do something like this you're evil" she says.

"Yey that's enough" I say behind her.

She snubs me and looks at her big brother.

"Stay out of this sis Nkanyezi this is between me and my brother me" she says.

Okay at least she's a little bit respectful but she's gone too far.

"You're a monster I can't believe you're my brother" she says sounding disgusted.

I grab her arm and slap her plump cheek.

Her big brown eyes widen and flicker I didn't mean too but that's the only way to shut someone up.
Trust me I know my mother has given me enough slaps to last me a lifetime.

"This is my house and you've just disrespected your own brother" I say.

"Sthandwa sam calm down" Mthandeni says.

"Stay out of this Ngwane you sat there while she screamed her lungs out" he looks shocked by my
sudden change.

"I know Mamzobe raised you better than this now get out of my house and come back when you know
how to speak with your elders" I say.

"Sis Nkanyezi I am sorry" she says.

I look at her and smile..

"Phuma Sthandile" I say showing her the way out and closing the door behind her.

We have been through a lot and I can't allow Ngwane to be stressed not when we have a wedding to
plan.

I turn and look at him and he pulls me into his arms.

"I love you" he says.

I pull away and look at him giving him a kiss.

"I love you Ngwane" I say.

A knock comes through forcing us to let go.

I open the door and Sthandile walks in.

"Sis Nkanyezi may I speak to bhuti please" I nod letting her in.

She walks in and settles on the couch.

"What's wrong Sthandile" I ask.

She swallows hard wiping her tears.

"I heard Mama talking to baba and they said you're a killer and a rapist" she says closing her eyes.

Poor child got the wrong end of the stick and I here I was being extra on her.

I look at Mthandeni hoping he sets the record straight but what's to set right because everything she
just said is true.

"How could you bhuti tell me what I heard is not true" she says.

The looks she's giving him is that of hurt uncertainty and needing to know the truth.

I hold Mthandeni's hand and clear my throat.

Mthandeni doesn't do well with confrontations especially one coming from Msizi or Sthandile. He just
closes off because he fears they will reject him and hate him. For so long he has seen them as his world
and I don't know what will happen if he loses them.

"Hayi Sthandile what you heard is a lie I mean sure your brother has his mistakes but he would never" I
say.
She looks at me and nods.

"I promise sisi your brother is none of that right Ngwane" I say.

He looks at me and forces a smile.

"I am sorry bhuti I don't know what to believe anymore " she says.

I stand up and give her a hug, I just bought us some time sooner or later I need to sit her down and tell
her what's what.

"Come let me show you to your room I will wake you up when its time to eat" I say.

"Bhuti ngiyaxolisa" she says looking at Mthandeni.

I walk her up then come back to settle next to my husband resting my head on his shoulder.

"She's going to hate me" he says.

"Sooner or later she was going to find out and we need to tell her the truth" I say.

I know we could have said yes but she's angry and confused right now.

"Did you see how she looked at me how do I tell her that she's got the wrong idea of me. That I hurt you
and that I am this man who violated you" he says.

I deeply sigh.

"I will be here Sthandwa sam holding your hand every step of the way. Sthandile loves you and when
she finds out the truth and I mean the whole truth she will understand" I say.

"You asked me to marry you and I said yes. I don't care what people say because I know you and you
shouldn't care either" I say.

"Your father should just accept defeat and let us be" I say.

He sighs and places his hand on my belly.

"You have been the shinning star in my life my beautiful Nyota" he says.

"Nakupenda" He chuckles shaking his head.

I think Nyota nd Nakupenda are the only swahili words I know.

"I promise to be the best husband and father ever" he says.

That's music to my ears and that puts a smile on my face.

"I think we should go somewhere for a trip just the three of us" he says.

I nod and I think I have just the place but Qiniso is staying behind I can't be a duckling and on the other
hand chase after him.
......

This is for all those 2k likes you are guys are loved and appreciated

NKANYEZI

038

Mthandeni

I never thought I would find myself In such a place and not try to fight it because well everything that's
ever been good to me has always been taken away from me.

Coming home to my wife and son after a long day is everything and more. Waking up next to her and
seeing her soft lips slightly open and her snoring makes my heart want to beat forever just to see these
rare moments.

I am a married a man soon to renew my vows and I am the luckiest man on earth to have such a woman
by my side.

I have been with a lot of woman fairly enchanting and beautiful in the own ways but Nkanyezi's beauty
runs beyond.

All I want is to protect her with everything I have and be the father she wants me to be to our kids.

I was never there for her and Qiniso in the begging and that's going to change, I told myself that I don't
want a day to go by with me missing anything in their lives.

My father always told me that nothing good was for me and that I was born to lead with a fist and heavy
hand. For the longest time in my life I believed that and I was so close to fully loosing myself but when I
met Nkanyezi. I knew the must be more to life than just killing and not feeling anything.

I remember seeing my son and I didn't want him growing up with a monster of a father like me.

I wanted to be a great example to my son and now there's someone else on the way.

I was excited about the last pregnancy but this one has me up on my toes. I am hoping for a baby girl
someone who looks like their mother.

I want Nknayezi to give me a baby girl that looks just like her and my whole world will be complete.

This whole wedding planning stuff has been tiring and I am close to losing all my taste buds and senses
but I would do anything for my wife.

I love seeing her happy and the way she looks at me smiles and then breaks out into a laugh.

I love how she spends money and then comes back to turn on the puppy eyes making me fall even
harder.
I love how my whole body reacts to just seeing her and how I want to explode when she touches me.

I love how she makes me feel all the things I thought I had buried long ago.

I love how she sings beautifully in the kitchen while preparing breakfast, how her eyes light up when she
sees Qiniso and how her lavender and lily smell feels up the room when she enters. I love everything
about her and that's what scares me the most.

I fear losing her and that one day she's going to wake up from all this and decide to end us.

Now that's my worst fear losing her and our kids and not being able to do anything about it.

I woke up early today and made her breakfast then dropped Qiniso off at Lwazi's place she's been
talking about how she misses him.

I know Nkanyezi like I know myself and there's something bothering her but she won't say anything.

I know with a few phone calls and someone tailing her I would know but lately I have been doing things
by the book.

I walk back to our bedroom and find her still in bed I get in joining her.

She turns to face me and rests her head on my shoulder now these are some of the moments I would
never trade for anything.

I wrap my arm around her and close my eyes kissing the top part of her head.

"I love you Sbopho" she says.

Now I am convinced something is definitely wrong she never uses this name.

"What's wrong Nkanyezi" I ask.

She shakes her head.

"Nothing I just want you to know that you are loved and appreciated" she says softly.

Anyone can tell this woman loves me with everything she has done for me.

"What do you want name it and I will give it to you" I say.

She looks up and smiles.

"Anything" I nod my head waiting in anticipation.

"I have everything I need right here but I would love your blessing to go see your father" she says.

"Ngwane" she says softly.

My silence should be enough for her.

"Don't you want to know the truth why he did all those horrible things" she says...

"Even if I say no you will still go because you've already made up your mind" I say.
"I just want to move on from all this once and for all" she says.

"I don't know why you would want to do this but I know my father and he's playing you. If you go to that
man and something happens to you or my child I won't forgive you Nkanyezi" I say.

Her eyes widen in shock.

"The truth will free both of us Ngwane the nightmares the looking over our shoulders please" she says.

We are both standing on out feet and this is slowly heating up.

"I should be the one worrying about my father not you now stay the hell away from the man" I say.

"You are not the one who was electrified and couldn't feel anything. I am the one who was on that chair
pleading and begging for him to set me free praying that I get another chance to see you and Qiniso. I
was in that chair praying that my soul never departs from my weak body so I could tell you that I love
you just one more time. So forgive me for wanting some closure and a way to move on" she says.

"I am sorry but I can't say yes" I say.

No one knows the man better than I do and this is probably his last move to go out with a bang.

"Nkanyezi look at me" she does and her pretty eyes draw me in.

"Are you telling me that if that stupid ex of yours called so you could hear his side of the story would you
go" I ask.

she ramains still and just parts her mouth saying nothing.

"I guess you would" I say.

"You know that's one of the things I love about you your heart but some people don't deserve the time
of the day" I say.

"I love you so much Mnyamnande but I want nothing to do with that man" I say.

She looks at me and smiles.

"But you are his son and his blood runs through your veins each time you breathe" she says.

"And you think I don't know that I don't hate every moment of it. That no matter what he does he's still
my father and there's nothing I can do about it" I say.

If I could I would switch places just not to have Zothile as my father.

"I am going out probably for the rest of the day" I say grabbing my jacket.

"Ngwane" she calls out.

I think this is the forst time I have turned my back on her and walked away and it breaks my heart.

.
Nkanyezi.

I decided to take a bath and process everything that took place earlier in the morning.

Ngwane walked out and not because he was angry but because he was disappointed. I know he's trying
his best to stay away from Zothile but truth is even he wants to know the reasons behind his father's
doing.

I don't buy this act of tough love and turning his son into a monster something is wrong with that man.

No parent can ever hate their child like that and make them do despicable things and still claim to love
them.

He's human and surely deep down there's some conscious and heart.

I drove to their house and was welcomed by Mamzobe was seemed to be in a very good mood.

I think she's slowly becoming the woman she was before Zothile turned her into a punching bag.

I know it will take time to undo all the work Zothile did but I trust Pearl and her work is excellent. I am
yet to book my own appointment and this time Mthandeni tags along. I never wanted to use this words
but he's a broken man and the little boy inside him is still crying for help.

If I leave this earth I want to know I changed lives and that I was the star that kept shinning in their lives.

I want Mtanndeni to know what unconditional love is and that when a good thing comes your way you
just run with it.

I deeply sighed as I made my way to his room and found him reading a book.

Mamzobe has made his stay in this house as comfortable as she could. A few weeks back I could have
sworn she wanted to take him out the "Diary of a mad black woman" way but her good heart fought
against those thoughts.

He put down the book and looked up seeing me as I settled not far from him.

"I didn't think you would come thank you" he said.

I looked at him and realised he was regaining his strength and getting back to his old self.

I closed my eyes and in my hearts of hearts wished he never get his legs back.

Was that horrible of me yes but he's still the same man who wanted to kill me without even thinking
twice.

"Does he know that you here" I nodded my head.

I wasn't here for small talk I need him to get to the point.

"Why am I here" I asked.

He nodded his head and took a huge deep breath.

He asked me to pass him an album that had already been placed far from his bed.

I took the old torn on the side album and gave it to him.

He paged through the book and different emotions evoked on his face.

I couldn't tell it that was a good thing till he stopped and fixed his eyes on the book.

"I am sorry" he said.

I didn't know if that was meant for me or the person behind.

"Mamzobe told me about the baby you're carrying and well I can see for myself congratulations" he
said.

"I guess it's truth what they say every dog has its day" he laughed and nodded his head.

"I do want to apologise to my but he won't see me and I have done so much to hurt him that I am even
ashamed" he said.

"I also wronged you and almost took your life. I orchestrated what happened to you all those years ago
and I am sorry" He said leaving my jaws ajar.

He took out a picture from the album and passed in on to me.

"I didn't know you kept Mthandeni's pictures" I said.

He shook his head.

"Look closely that's not my son" he said.

Indeed I looked closely and carefully to realise this was a version of Mthandeni an exact replica but this
wasn't possible.

"Who is this" I asked.

Could Mthandeni have been a twin and he never knew or maybe he did but didn't tell me.

"That's my father" he said.

My eyes widen in shock this man was Mthandeni now.

"Even I don't look much like my father but Mthandeni does" he said.

"How is this possible" I asked still looking at the photo.

"My father came back from the dead through my son" he said.

"I fell in love with him the first I held and laid my eyes on him" he says in a softer tone.

"Then what went wrong" I asked.

"I saw my father in him and as he grew up he started resembling him more and more. I knew then that
the past wasn't done with him. I was supposed to do right by him love him and protect him but when he
would laugh my father would come to mind" he said.
"You hated him because he looks like your father"I asked in disbelief.

"Nkanyezi I wasn't done with the past and it wasn't done with me. I remember the first time I hit him he
stood there and said nothing and I saw defiance on his side that's when I went hard on him" he said in a
shaky voice.

"Once I had started I couldn't stop in my head my father was paying for his sins" he said his voice trailing
off.

"I hated my father and I couldn't understand why my son had to look like him, why he had to be him I
just couldn't" he said.

"You avenged yourself on the wrong person all because you wouldn't let go of the past" I said.

"You made him believe that there was something wrong with him that he was at fault but it was all you"
I said standing up.

"I am sorry" he said.

"Your sorry will not take away his nightmare or the look he has when he just woke up from a terrible
nightmare. It won't make up for the past or the fact that you broke him and never once tried to make
him whole" I said.

"I wish I could turn back time and be the father I was supposed to be but I can't" he said.

"I hope that one day you two forgive me for all I have done" he said.

I didn't know what to say I just took my handbag and walked out.

See what holding on and not letting go does to people, he hated a dead man held pain and hatred for a
bloody dead man.

I believe there was a reason why Mthandeni looks like his grandfather, this was Zothile's chance to let go
and heal but he chose to fight dead demons and his son was on the receiving end.

I drove home and the most unexpected happened. I found my uncle having lunch with my parents and
Zweli and I couldn't believe my eyes.

I haven't seen this man in a long time that I didn't know what to say or do.

We were once close and when my father wasn't around he would be my go to guy but one day he
decided to uproot and leave. I was hurt because the man never even said goodbye or why he was
leaving.

I stood there and he stood up opening his arms.

"You are not going to just stand there are you" he said with a huge smile on his face.

I looked at my parents and slowly made my way to him.

"You have grown so much princess" he said.

He wasn't even at my wedding and now he's here.

"I missed you so much" he said still holding me.

My father cleared his throat and we broke the hug.

"Mama why did you tell me bab'mkhulu is here" I asked.

"He only get here yesterday and your father was going to call you" she said.

I gave them all hugs and sat next to my father resting my head on his shoulder.

Despite what we have been through he's my father and I love him.

"I am sorry I couldn't make it to your first wedding but Zweli told me about the coming one and I will be
there" My uncle said.

"How's the little munchkin coming along" My dad asked.

I looked at him and smiled.

"She's coming along fine baba and the doctors said everything is okay" I said holding his hand.

"Zweli" he looked up and raised his eyesbrows.

The moment he found out Mthandeni bought me a house and that we were planning on getting married
again he flipped.

"Are you okay" I asked.

"Why wouldn't I be okay Nkanyezi" he asked looking at me.

"Zweli" my mother reprimanded.

"I think I should leave before I say something" he said standing up.

I watched him leave the room while mumbling to himself.

"Mbuso what's going" my uncle asked

"Nothing bafo just a silly siblings tiff right Nkanyezi" I nodded my head and asked my mother to cut me a
slice of her carrot cake.

It was good seeing my uncle but something was a bit off and my parents were acting strange probably
because my uncle doesn't know much about my husband. Can you believe that my parents have been
able to keep this away from the family for so long. I swear they are pros when it comes to keeping
secrets.

"I still can't believe that you a have son and that you are soon to be a mother again" My uncle said..

"Why did you leave" I asked.

"Nkanyezi not now" My father said.

"So no one wants to know why bab'mkhhulu decided to just leave when everything was fine. Baba you
two were close are telling me the fact that your older brother left doesn't bother you" I asked.

"I left because of work" my uncle said.

"And you never called nor said goodbye" I said.

There was a time I needed him when I left home and he wasn't there.

"You know what I think I should also leave Mthandeni is probably worried" I said standing up.

"Nkanyezi" Mama said.

"Why don't you spend the night here and you can leave in the morning" she said.

"Maybe another time mama" I said.

"We love you okay" she said.

I know they do but right now I need to see my husband and have him hold me.

My father walked me out to my car and kissed my cheek before pulling me into his arms.

"Don't be too hard in your uncle okay,just know that he never abandoned any of us and that he loves
you" he said.

"Please bring him over to my house so I can cook something delicious" I said.

"I will and hopefully Zweli will come along too" he said opening the car for me.

I get home and I am all kinds of excited seeing my uncle was great and deep down I am glad he's here.
He's the only person that can talk sense into my father and the thought of having both of them at me
wedding makes me happy.

My mood dampens when it dawns on me that I had what you might call a fall out with Ngwane.

He didn't even check up on me and or the baby oh yes I am dead serous. The least he could have done
was check up on his baby not me seeing that he doesn't care about me.

I make my way inside the house and the smell of curry hits my nostrils making me salivate.

I follow the whistling that leads me to the kitchen giving me a full view of my husband.

I watching him stir his pots like a true chef and this is what I want to come too everyday.

He's even wearing an apron and it sure looks sexy on him the things I can do to this man.

I make my way to him and wrap my arms around his waist resting my head on his back.

I can't really hug him because of my bump so a side hug it is.

"I am sorry" I say.

He turns to face me and lifts my chin up.

"I am the one who's sorry I shouldn't have walked out like that" he says.

"Promise we will never stay angry at each not even for a day" I say.

He smiles kissing me. I missed his cold soft lip and they taste salty I can't stop myself.

"You cooked" I say.

The only things he's ever done was spaghetti and fry eggs but this is great.

"I wanted to apologise sthandwa sam" he says kissing my nose.

"I love you" I say.

"I love you too mommy" he says gently lifting me up and placing me on counter.

"I can't decide which one to taste first you or desert" he says checking the oven.

"You baked for me" I say.

"Yes and let this be the last time I hear of it" he says.

I pull him close clasping my thighs around him.

This day keeps getting better and better.

"Baby you won't believe this my uncle is around and he's staying for the wedding" I say.

He pulls away and clears his throat.

"The one who left " he says

"Yes and I am happy that he's here my father will never admit this but he missed him" I say.

"And I invited them over for dinner" I say.

"You what" I smile shrugging my shoulder.

"Here I was about to give you a strip show" he says shaking his head.

"Baby no please do it for me" I say.

He gives me a goofy smile putting on some music.

He takes of his apron first then his shirt I run my eye on his abs damn this man has got moves.

"Yes wena baby dance for me" I say.

He stops and bursts out laughing.

"I feel exploited" he says hiding his chest

I can't help laugh grabbing my purse taking out a few notes.

"Wow now you want to buy me" he says.

He is making all this hilarious and find him cute and sexy he's just too much.

He reaches for his belt slowly taking it off.

"Yes sway those hips Ngwane" I say.

"Yazi ngizoyeka" he says.

I hide my face when he hits the floor with his belt.

"Yes ...yes..." I keep saying.

I use an imaginary rope and throw it around him then reel him in.

He even acts the part making coming home worth it..

I wrap my arms around him and kiss him.

"Indlela engikuthanda ngayo Mthandeni" he pulls away and smile.

"Uthandwa yimina Nkanyezi" he says moving his hands up my thighs.

.......

NKANYEZI

039

I ended up postponing my dinner plans so I could invite everyone including Sthandile who has been
taking things badly.

We sat her down and told her the whole truth leaving her in tears and devastated, I know how she feels
well not exactly but finding out the person you love is not who you thought they were can really break
you.

She couldn't stand being with us or her parents and so she has been staying with Msizi.

I had to make her understand that sometimes things aren't always as thy seem. That her brother was
still same man she knew and nothing really changed. I believe that their relationship will be okay along
the way and I plan to see this through.

I don't want my kids growing up in the midst of hate, revenge and the past I don't want that for them
too.

I must say although she wasn't okay dinner was smooth sailing my parents were there and so were
Khanyile's. We were pleasant and everyone got along just fine my uncle approved of Mthandeni and my
father was more than happy to share his finest bottle.

I couldn't keep my eyes off husband all the dirty thoughts I had about him consumed me.
He could tell I wanted him and only him and so he made sure to excuse ourselves.

We used one of the spare bedrooms and within seconds he was inside me pleasuring him. We all know
how a quickie goes blood runs hot and things happen amazing things especially when your man knows
all the right spots. He even had time to give me a belly run because his baby wasn't moving.

He cleaned me up then we both walked out holding hands.

Okay I didn't plan to have sex with my husband under my roof with my parents around somewhere in
the house. See when I put it like that I shouldn't even be apologising but trust me when I say I did the
walk of shame.

For the life of me I wanted to apologise and for the ground to open up and swallow me.

But everything went well and Zweli was at least civil for my sake that is.

Qiniso is smitten with having another grandfather added to his collection.

Just the other day I took him for a walk in the park and all he could speak was how his dad is cool and
how much he loved us.

If I am not the luckiest parent on earth then I don't know, this was before he drew attention on us
demanding his father be there. See we are past the terrible two's so I don't know what was happening
with him.

I wanted to spank his tiny buttocks and put him to sleep right on that bench but I chose to be the better
person. I stood up and walked back to the car with him following behind crying and all.

We got home and luckily his father was home working.

"You guys are back so fast" he said closing his laptop" I looked at his son who had his thump inside his
mouth.

"Ask your son he's ungreaful and he doesn't want me" I said suddenly feeling emotional.

Mthandeni stood up gave me a kiss and picked his son up.

"What's wrong talk to me" he said.

"I missed you daddy and I love you" he said wrapping his tiny hands around his father's neck.

I couldn't hold the tears they just came pouring down.

He placed him down and the child just ran back to his room leaving me and his fafter who led me to take
lounge.

"He's growing up and soon he won't need me" I said .

Mthandeni looked at me and laughed.

"He is six I don't know what growing up you are talking about" he said making fun of me.

"You know I am one of the luckiest man on earth to have you" he said taking off my shoes giving me a
foot rub.
I know he thinks he's the lucky one but come on I am the lucky one to have bagged such a man.

"I am the lucky one for having you in my life Mthandeni I don't ever want to be without you" I said.

He stopped rubbing my feet and settled next to me taking my hands into his.

"You know what I did when you told me you forgive me" I shook my head because I didn't have the
slightest idea.

"I went to church and prayed to God that he keeps you and that he blesses your in everything you do. I
prayed for your happiness and that your life only consist of peace and love. I prayed that even if things
didn't work out between us that you be happy and that you love with your whole heart. I prayed that
your heart remains the same and that whenever you looked at me these eyes would see my soul" he
said kissing my eyes.

"And I prayed that I be the man you dreamed off and that I spend the rest of days loving you the right
way" He said.

I had tears welling up.

"I don't know what to say" I said giving him a tight hug.

We have come a long way with this man.

I pulled away and looked at him with a smile on my face.

"You pray" I asked stifling a laugh.

"Really Mnyamande konje unjalo wena" he said standing up.

I don't know how many times he has told me that I ruin moments..

"Ngwane,I did again didn't I" he nodded his head letting out a soft laugh.

"I am sorry" I said.

"It's okay sthandwa sam you will get there one day" he said kissing my cheek.

I followed him and watched him work and this urge to tell him that I loved him came.

But I said nothing and reached for his hand and smiled.

"I know you do" he said bringing my hand to his lips.

Mthandeni
Ever since Nkanyezi's uncle came to town I have been having this itch that needed to be scratched.
Something just didn't feel right and I had to get to the bottom of it.

The man seems like he has an agenda or maybe he's hiding something or maybe I am being paranoid.

I asked Qhawe to do some digging up and the answers I got I wished I hadn't gone looking.

"Are you sure this information is acurate Mkhulu " I asked Qhawe.

"You have never doubted my work before Mkhulu and you will not start now" he said on the other end.

"I know your work Khehla but this is my wife we're talking about" I said.

"I know but the truth always has a way of coming out" he said.

"I owe you Mkhulu" I said.

"You know I have your back no matter what Ngwane" he said ending the call.

I ended the call and looked at the information in front of me.

A few minutes pass before a knock comes through the door with Nkanyezi's father making his way in.

I stretch my hand showing him a chair.

"I don't appreciate being summoned ndodana" he says.

"And I don't appreciate my wife being lied too" I say placing the file in front of him.

He takes it and goes through each page hardening his face.

"Tell me what's in that life is a complete lie, tell me that you are Nkanyezi's father and not her uncle" I
say.

He looks at me clenching his fists.

"You had no right to dig up my past or that of my family's" he says standing up.

"So it's true he's the father and what are you" I ask.

"I am her father the man who raised her and loves her that's who I am" he says.

"You don't know how hard it is to be a man and not be able to give your wife kids, I had to follow
tradition and allow my brother to father my kids while I pretended not to know anything" he says
standing up.

"You don't know and you will never know because you have kids and my daughter will never know the
shame of sleeping with your brother" he says.

I did say I wish I hadn't gone looking.

"You had no right Mthandeni and you will stay out this and let sleeping dogs be" he says.
"I don't keep secrets from my wife and with all due respect baba she deserves to know the truth, after
everything she's been through I don't think she will survive this kind of betrayal" I say.

"It's not your secret to keep in the first place, you are my daughter's husband and I regard you as my son
so please stay out of it" he pleads.

"How do you do it" I ask.

"I loved those kids before they were born and believe it or not I am greatful to my brother" he says.

"As I said you will never understand" he says taking the file with him.

If Mnyamande finds out the truth and fact that I knew then she won't forgive me.

I can't humiliate the man and strip him of his pride and dignity but then again I can't keep something like
this from my wife.

I grab my phone and call my mother she might know what to do.

Nkanyezi

Mthandeni has been behaving strangely more attentive and possessive as if I someone told him I would
disappear.

last night I couldn't even throw my legs out or spread my arms don't get me wrong I love him like this.
But I do need some me time and he just wouldn't let go.

I ended up letting him and wished the moment could last forever.

We woke up early today and he asked that I join him for a run.

I looked at myself and the thought of falling and hurting my baby crippled me, I cringed on the thought
and asked to sit this one out but he promised to look after me.

I have been jogging behind him gradually stopping to catch my breath.

"Ngwane" I call out.

He turns and comes running towards me.

"What's wrong is it the baby"he asks.

"No" I say.

"Then what" he asks grunting.

If he was a woman I swear he would be rolling his eyes at me.

"Don't look at me like that Ngwane ngilambile" I say.

He shuts his eyes and deeply breathes out.

"You are hungry" he says.

I nod with a smile on face.

"Look around you" he says.

I look around and finally settle on his eyes.

"Do you see your house" I shake my head confidently.

"Good" he says taking my hand and walking.

"What's that supposed to mean" I ask.

"I know you're slow but I swear this pregnancy makes you worse" he says.

I smile biting my lower lip.

"You know what I feel like croissants with some chocolate spread" I say.

He smiles and pulls me for a lingering kiss that leaves me wanting more.

"I know just a place ahead of here" he says.

"Ngwane I am also tired" I say.

He looks at me laughs hard.

"You are full of jokes muntu wam" he says walking ahead.

I stomp my feet like a two year old and scrunch my nose following behind.

We finally reach this cosy place that draws me in with their brewing coffee. I want to cry because the
last time I was seeing the doctor he told me to stay off caffeine.

We find a nice spot just outside and watching the sun as it rises. The mist fizzling out with each ray
making this whole run worth it.

The owner of the place seves us, Ngwane his full breakfast and me my warm chocolate croissants.

He looks at me while I take a huge bite of this deliciousness.

"You are perfect sthandwa sam" he says.

"This is perfect" I say.

He smiles and moves close to me.

"You have something on your lip" he says.

It must be the delicious spread.

"You want to do something about it" I ask biting my lip.

"Would you allow me to" he whispers.

I nod closing my eyes darn it this man keeps doing me wrong.

"Is that a yes" he asks brushing his lips against mine.

"Yes" I say.

He bites my lip breathing inside my mouth slowly kissing me.

He pulls away licking the chocolate spead then licking his own lips.

"I think we should go home there's so much I need to do to you" he says clearing his throat.

"Ngempela Ngwane" I ask.

He takes my hand and places it on his bulging manhood.

"Ngempela Mnyamande" he says giving me a smirk.

I want to scream and say yes Lord this son of yours deserves a spot in heaven right next to you.

I want to yes baldy have me now but I know better than to display public indecency and be arrested for
that.

He takes my hand and looks at me like the best thing that has ever happened to him.

I hope this baby is a girl so I can watch the kind of man he will evolve too while raising a princess.

......

I had to capitalise on my brother's offer hope you guys are having a warm afternoon

NKANYEZI

040

Mthandeni

I decided to stay out of Mbuso's business as he is both a family man and my father in law. I had to
respect his decision as I would not have liked someone poking their nose on my personal affairs.

I still haven't told my wife and that has been weighing down on me, we made a promise to never lie to
each other no matter how bad or ugly the truth was we would always remain honest and truthful.
I stayed up all night just looking at her and loving her with my eyes. The woman of dreams the mother of
my kids and the only person who can me vulnerable and not fight it.

The only person who has seen my tears and wiped them without ever looking at me differently. The one
person who knows my past and the ugly truth inside me but has never turned her back on me.

I know women are string this one is just phenomenal and that's what's amazing about her.

She made me feel and see the world differently I saw life through her eyes and I must say it's quite a
beautiful breathtaking view.

I can't wait to hold my baby girl and in my arms ten toes and ten little fingers perfection at its best.

I can't wait to see Qiniso around the baby my son can't wait to see his sister. I may be getting ahead of
myself but I have been praying for a girl. I somehow want to do things differently I want to protect and
love my family. I want to be the man and dad my father failed to be but all this I want with Nkanyezi and
no one else.

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think she would fall for me but she did and I selfishly fell for her
too.

Her lips drew me in the moment I saw her and her eyes hypnotised me and I knew there and there she
was the one.

I kiss her forehead, nose and the partially parted lips closing my eyes. I don't think there's a man lucky
as I am out there oh except for Nyambose ofcouse he's one lucky bastard that one.

I remember we used to party hard and slept will all the woman we could but none of them ever
captured our hearts like Nkanyezi and Zenkosi.

I have a feeling one of these days we might be celebrating Qhawe finding the right woman.

I look at the time and it's 5am in the morning in the next hour we should be waking up and going for our
run.

I reach for my phone switching it on and number of notifications comes through.

I get out of the bed as to not wake Nkanyezi up and almost drop my phone when I go through the
messages.

*Ngwane I have been trying to get ahold of you check the news and social feeds* that one from
Nyambose.

*Mthandeni please call me* that one from my mother.

*Bafo everyone knows I don't know how but its out there* that one from Msizi.

*Bhuti I am so sorry please forgive me I didn't know lucky would do this. I told him in confidence
because I needed someone to talk too please call me* that one from Sthandile.

I decided to look at the social platforms and my sinks when I see the headlines making the rounds.

*Mthandeni Khanyile the loving husband or the rapist*

*We are yet to get a statement from the Khanyile's more especially the wife. Last night we received
news from a reliable trusted source said to be close to the family. It is said that the former bachelor's
marriage to his wife Nkanyezi is a hoax. The most shocking of all is the chilling statement made by the
source is that Nkanyezi Thwala now known as Mrs Khanyile was indeed raped by her own husband and
father their first child. Not only that but the source goes on to say that Khanyile senior wasn't in an
accident as the family claimed but his own heir Mthandeni Khanyile tried to kill him*

I look at Nkanyezi and my hearts beats rapidly this can't be happening not when we are a week away to
our wedding.

I go through twitter and all the relevant social media platforms I can think off.

#NameAndShameYourAbuser

*I knew something was wrong the moment I heard Mthandeni was married he forced the poor girl to
marry him sies*

*There's no such thing this woman is a gold digger and now that she sees that marriage isn't pap and
vleis she cries raped mxm*

*If she was raped then why didn't she report the crime why didn't she go to the police kungazodlalwa
ngathi*
*So he's a rapist if that the case he should burn and pay for his sin*

*I don't know all the facts but no person in their right mind would marry and love her rapist, something
is wrong with her and I believe she need an evaluation.

I was once there and if I had the chance I would kill my rapist and feed him to the dogs*

*I don't know the couple personally but I have seen them countless times doing their morning run. I
have seen the way they look at each and that's love right there*

*Stay out of this wena gogo and give the land back then just maybe you can contribute your two cents*

I read almost all the tweets from these woman and my heart continues to sink knowing my biggest fear
just manifested. I mean who were we foolinh thinking this could take hidden nothing stays hidden and
we all know that.

*Then she calls herself a women while harbouring a rapist*

I know she won't survive this and I fear being pushed away.

*Never say you know person. I always thought he was a nice guy but turns out he's just like all these
monster's heartless and inhumane. Just imagine the child going to school and learning he was a product
of rape. Is there even any ounce of truth in all this I am just waiting for the wife to set the record
straight*

*There's no way your own husband can rape you its his conjugal rights to have you whenever he wants*

*These might have been false allegations but where there's smoke there's fire people*

My son is the only thing that comes to mind how do I protect him from all these vicious and merciless
trolls.

I hear her softly yawn and look my side giving me a smile.

"Ngwane" she says sitting up properly.

"Sthandwa sam" I say.

She looks at me and tilts her head squinting her eyes.

"Come back to bed" she says.

"Ngwane where's my phone" she says looking under her pillow.

Last night my mother asked for Qiniso and we decided to spend the night cooped up our room
completely cut off from the world.

She looks at my hand and points at it.

"Baby you're holding my phone" she says getting out the bed making her way to me.

"Forgive me" I say.

She puts her warm hand on my cheek.

"We can fix it you know we can whatever it is" she says.

I shake my head closing my eyes.

"Talk to me" she says.

I look at her belly and fear creeps in what it something happens to the baby.

I hold her hand and walk her back to ou bed.

"I think I should brush me teeth then eat before you feast on me" she says laughing softy.

I give her my phone and look at her face move from being happy to horrified then tears start falling.

I try pulling her into a hug but she fights me till she gives in.

"Ngwane who would do this" she says.

"These people don't even know me but they are calling me names" she says.

I don't have all the answers but all I know is that I am too blame.

"Sthandile" I say.

She pulls away and shakes her head.

"She wouldn't do that to us" I say.

"Well it wasn't her but that stupid boyfriend of hers" I say.

I am sure the boy got paid handsomely to dish out all the dirt on my family.

She reaches for the phone and start all over crying.

"Don't do this to yourself Mnyamande" I say.

"Why are the dragging my son into this he didn't do anything" she says with hiccups.

"My son has nothing to do with this Ngwane these people are calling my son all kinds of names" she says
breaking down .

I saw the names and jaws tightened my fists clenched and all I wanted was to hunt all these people
down and teach thema a lesson. But my priority right now is my family and keeping them together.

I take the phone away from her and pull her into a close hug letting her cry in my arms.

"I am going to sue whoever broke the story" she says softly.

"Why now" she says looking at me.

"Everything is going to be okay" I lie even I don't know if things are ever going to be fine.

"Do you regret us" I ask.

She says nothing I know this isn't the right time to ask.

"Mnyamande" I say.

She looks up and the moist I see in her eyes breaks my heart.

"No" she says holding on to me tightly.

"Let go get you some water" I say.

"Please don't go just hold me" she says.

I rub her belly and wish things were different maybe if we met at a different time.

She finally falls asleep giving me time to head down strairs..

I hear a knock loud enough to wake Nkanyezi up.

I hurriedly head for the door and almost fall over due to the force being used.

I look up and find her uncle standing in front of me.

He grabs me by my collar and throws me against the wall.

I try moving his hands but he tightens his hold and strangles me.

I manage to elbow his arms freeing myself from his hold.

"You want to fight me you piece of shit" he says punching me.

I have never been in such a situation before do I fight back or just take them as they come.

"You raped her you son of a b*@#$" He says throwing steady punches.

"You raped my baby girl" he says.

I let him be this man is angry and rightfully so.

"I am sorry" I manage to say.

He drags me across the room all the way to the kitchen.

"I want you to beg me to stop just like she did" he says closing up the sink and putting my head inside.

I feel the physical pain but it's nothing compared to the emotional pain I feel.

"You raped her you hurt my baby girl" he says pulling me out for air.

"Bab'mkhulu" Nkanyezi says coming to my rescue.

She fights pulling him off me.

"Baba please stop" she says.

I know that's what she calls him because he's her elder and her father's brother, but hearing these word
come from her mouth make him stop.

He looks at Nkanyezi and shake his head.

She comes to my side and helps me up.

"How could you hurt him like this you have absolutely no right" she says trying by all means not shout.

Her tears keeping falling and I know it's not just seeing me hurt her heart is aching.

I wish I could take her pain away wipe all the hurt she's ever been through.

"Why didn't you tell me" her uncle asks.

"Because you were never there remember you upped and left. You know nothing about my life nothing"
Nkanyezi says helping me up.

"I am sorry but you can't marry this man Nkanyezi you can't stay with him" he says.

"He's my husband I love him" she says.

"Look at me Nkanyezi Thwala" he says.

She looks at him and wipes her years.

"I know it still hurts, I knoww deep down this isn't what you wanted and I can see the pain in your eyes
princes it runs deep" he says.

"You will not marry this boy" he says.

"With all due respect baba only my father will tell me what to do" she says.

He opens his mouth and closes it tightening his jaw.

"If you love her that much then turn yourself in be a man and own up to your crimes" he says walking
out.
Nkanyezi looks at me and slumps to the floor wrapping her arms around her huge belly.

"How much of that did you hear"I ask.

"All of it" she says.

"Ngwane I don't want to believe it but something inside me says he meant every word in every sense"
she says soflty.

"What if he's telling the truth" she asks.

"It's doesn't matter sthandwa sam because I am here" I say.

"I need to see my mom I need to know" she says standing up.

I don't know what's going on inside her head because she's slowly shutting me out and taking everything
more calmly.

Nkanyezi

I woke up to the whole country up in arms having all kinds of opinions in my life.

I can't even leave my owm house because the gate is crowded with news people and reporters.

I asked Mamzobe to keep Qiniso for the time being till things cleared on our side.

I can't even face my parents because I don't know if I want to know the truth and if that's the case
whose truth am I to hear.

"He said I am his babu girl that I am his daughter" I say.

Zweli looks at me and sighs.

I haven't had the strenth to talk about what's on everyone's lips.

I don't even want to think about it right now I need ZwelI to tell me that it's all in my imagination.

"How's the baby doing you know you shouldn't be stressing" he says.

"The baby is fine Mthandeni called doctor" I say.

"And how are you holding up" he asks.

"I don't know Zwe" I say honesty I nolonger know what to feel.

"Promise me that you will take things one step at a time" he says.

I nod my head.
"I have always had my suspicions but it was confirmed when I ran a DNA test on the three of us" he
saya.

I hold my chest feeling lighthead.

"Are you okay should I call Mthandeni" I shake my head.

"Ans what were the results" I ask.

He looks at me a shrugs his shoulders and smile.

"99.9 percent he's our biological father" he says.

"And you kept this from me" I say.

"Nkanyezi I didn't want to upset you and if mom and dad kept this then must have been a reason" he
says.

I can't believe what I am hearing.

"What do we do now" I ask.

He looks at me holds my hand.

"We carry on Nyezi and let the past be this changes nothing baba is still our father okay" he says.

I look at him and wonder if he even believes what he's sating because to me this changes everything.

"Is that why he never looked for me why he sold me to the Khanyile's" I ask.

I hate what my mind is think, I hate the dark place its taking me too.

"Nkanyezi no" he says.

"Zwe what if it's truth" I say.

He makes me face him and cups my chin.

"What happened was a mistake and I am sorry but baba loves us with all his heart" he says.

I look at him and for the first time in a long one I don't feel like screaming or breaking down. I just want
it all to stop all this to go away and for everything to be as it were.

"All this will blow over okay and soon everything is fine. Mama loves you so much and remember that all
that they have ever done is for us" he says.

It's easier for him to say so I mean he had years to digest the news and leave with the fact that our uncle
is our father.

"I have to go okay Ngwane asked me to fix this mess and I need to first find that Lucky boy" he says.

He kisses my forehead and stands up.

"I love you Nkanyezi" he says.

"I love you too bhuti" I say.

....

Narrated

Nkanyezi's day started off horribly with the Internet and all social platforms going crazu over the rape
allegations.

Everything weighed heavily on her and the fact that her uncle was her biological father made her head
spin but the most terrifying part was that she didn't know how to feel and how to handle this.

All she could think about was her son and the effect all this would have on him.

All she knew was that what was put on the Internet would stay there and forever haunt them.

But then again all this made sense her uncle loved her to much to a point where people thought he was
her father.

Her heart had been aching all day and the only person who could numb her pain was her husband.

She sat on their bed wearing only her silk night gown. The door opened and Ngwane made his way in
only to settle on the edge of the bed, he believed that he had put Nkanyezi through so much and like
her father said the least he could do was be a man and turn himself in.

"Ngwane" she said softly makinh her way to him and kisssed his neck only a language they spoke when
they were together.

Her father's words had been eating him up all day and Nkanyezi on the other hand didn't want to lose
her husband.

"Make me forget Ngwane" she whispered in his ear.

If there was one thing Ngwane never feard was loving and appreciating his wife the right way.

He knew her body like the back his hand and he loved how she would come screaming just for him.

"I think we both been to rest sthandwa sam today was long day" he says looking down.

Nkanyezi knew thay even though she was with a child Ngwane could never resist her.

She knelt in front of him and kissed his cold lips running her hands up to his belt.

"Nkanyezi" he said reluctantly yet knowing very he wanted her in every way possible.

"I don't want to feel anything but you" she said proceeding to kiss him.

"I know it hurts buy sex won't make it go away" he said.

Nkanyezi dropped her silk robe and all of her was exposed only for her husband's eyes.
He looked at her full breast and wider hips and the thought of his hands landing on her arse is what
drove him crazy.

Nkanyezi knew the pleasure would be temporary but she needed this and so did Ngwane.

She wanted all the thoughts that had consumed her to stop and leave her alone. She could feel herself
going crazy see the walls long started to close up on her and today they were closing in fast and she
couldn't breath.

She couldn't bring herself to call her mother earlier on because she feared whay would come out of the
mouth had she called.

And her father she was angry and hurt on behalf of Mbuso and the people on the receiving end would
be the perpetrators her mother and uncle.

Ngwane looked at his wife and she saw that the burning light she had a few days ago was dying out.

"I don't know what to do or how to feel everything is just too much" she says undoing his shirt buttons.

He lifted her up in hope off putting he to sleep but the urge to love his wife was too great.

"Please don't deny me this" Nkanyezi said wiping her tears.

He layed her back and got a full view of what his seed had done to his woman and that is makinh her
breathtakingly beautiful, he kisses her chin moving up to her lips while his fingers played with her
honeypot.

Nkanyezi moved her hands around till they settled oh his manhood.

"Mnyamande" he groaned her warm hands were getting him excited.

He got on his knees and looked at his wife close her eyes while her legs her spread and her moist
dripping honeypot ready to welcome him.

He held her thighs and slowly thrusted feeling that blood rushing feeling he got each time he would be
one with Mnyamande.

He pulled out and rubbed Nkanyezi's delicate part with his tip and slowly thrusted back in groaning and
digging his fingers on her soft thighs.

Nkanyezi grabbed on the sheeets meeting every thrust and stroke Ngwane would give.

For a moment she forgot about everything and focused on the moment.

"Don't stop Ngwane" she murmured reaching for his arms just to hold him.

The rain started to heavily pour and they could only hear the beat and rhythms of it beautifully chanting
for them.

"No matter what happens I want yoi to know that I love you" Nkanyezi said..

......
I did say the end ia near right I think we are left we one or two chapters.

I apologise for any errors you came across.

NKANYEZI

041

I dont know when I will snap out of it as people usually say, not because I don't want too but because I
don't know how too. It's easy for someone watching in from a distance to say she should get over it life
goes or atleast she isn't dead.

Well that's not how it goes although I am old the hurting still hurts like when I was young.

I told Ngwane everything and being the most understanding husband that he is, he has been supportive
in his own way.

I still haven't called my mother because I don't know what to say to her. I have so many questions I can
literally feel myself crumble and not being able to do anything about it.

I am a mother, a daughter and wife and it is my duty to keep this family standing and protected at all
times.

My uncle said he wouldn't leave till we fixed things between us and I appreciate his trying but for now I
still need time.

I also asked Lwandle and Lwazi to give me a few days to myself even though my wedding is in the
coming days.

I appreciate my two best friends for always being there for me but sometimes one needs to face
demons alone.

Just the other day I looked at our family album and teas rolled down "how can they do this to my father"
that's what came to mind and I just couldn't stop crying.

I wondered if this was a decision taken by the whole family or by my mother and uncle.

And if it's the first or latter they had absolutely no right to do that to him, my mother had not right to
ask my uncle and humiliate my father like that.

I wonderd if he was ever ridiculed without him, if he was ever disrespected or not afforded the respect
and dignity he deserved because of all this.

I am angry on his behalf and deeply hurt all my identity has been all lies.

I know I shouldn't be bothered much we still have the Thwala blood running deep in our veins but my
dad isn't my dad anymore.

These are some of the things I have been thinking about and this one specific memory flooded my mind.
Ma was away on work and I was left with Zwe and Dad and I got my period scary I know.

I remember how hysterical I was not know why I bleeding and my father stepped up.

He ran me a bath called my mother and went to the store to buy me all kinds and of sanitary towels.

We talked about the birds and the bees and I realised I wouldn't have had it any other way.

After that day he became both a mother and father to me nursing me on my not so okay days.

Now this secret poses to take everything away from me all that I believed in and that's not fair.

And then there's this leaked story that has caused quite a stir and isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Everyone is doing their bit trying to put out fires even the mighty Zothile has been exhausting the
powers that might be to put out all the fires.

And then last night the most unexpected thing happened Sthandile stood on my door step.

She asked to stay a few days till she sortes out her herself, I didn't even waste my breath I just nodded
and walked back to my bedroom.

I only cane downstairs when I heard shouting and banging of my furniture.

I found Ngwane shouting at an already crying Sthandile and I somehow felt bad for her.

"I want you out of my house Sthandile" he said pointing a finger at her.

"Bhuti please don't kick me out I am sorry" she pleaded.

"You see Mnyamande is pregnant and I can't have you stressing her out by being here" he said.

okay I never said I wouldn't be able to handle having her around but I let him be.

"Mam cancelled all my cards and Msizi barely talks to me he doesn't like me bhuti please let me stay"
she continued.

So Mamzobe called and told me how she clapped Sthandile and cancelled all her cards all because of her
naivety. Apparently not only did she share information with the boy but she also loaned him some
money.

She can't even ask Zothile for help because that one promised to give her a hiding she would never
forget hence she's here.

"How many times have I been warning you about this boy huh, where is he right now" Mthandeni asked.

Sthandile shrugged her shoulders shame poor baby her boyfriend did a number on her and ran.

"Awuzwa Sthandile kuthi angikusakaze nje manje" he said.

I stood in front of him and shook my head he wasn't about to panelbeat the child not in my kitchen.

"Do you hate me" she asked.

Ngwane stood there and said nothing poor child went down on her knees and begged.
See right there I thought she was being extra but she was genuine and knowing my husband and the
love he has for his siblings he wanted to pull her into a hug and assure her everything was going to be
okay.

"Khuluma noma Ka Qiniso and if she says no ungiphumele nge gate" he said walking away.

"Sis Nka please let me stay I promise I will clean, cook and take care of Qiniso" she said clasping her
hands together.

"You know Sthandile I am not angry at you just disappointed that would do something like this, share
such sensitive information with a stranger guaranteed he's your boyfriend. But to us he is a stranger and
you betrayed my trust as well as your brother's.

Because of your actions Qniniso always be know as a product of rape, his life won't be the same
anymore and he will either grow up hating or doubting his father.

I wish you had come to me and talked to me as this whole thing doesn't concern you but me.

And your brother doesn't hate you he's just going through so much" I said.

"I don't have a problem with you staying here so long as keep out of Ngwane's way till he comes down" I
said.

"Thank sis Nkanyezi and I am sorry for what I put you guys through" she said looking down.

"If there's anything you must know is that loyalty means everything to your brother, to him family
means everything and blood is thicker than water. You don't throw family to the wolves or under the
bus" I said.

I left and went to the bedroom and heard the shower running, I took off my all my clothes and joined
him wrapping my arms around his waist resting my head on his broad back.

Memories started to flock and I remembered all the moments we shared in showers, the intense kisses
he would give me the way his hands would run dowm my back and I would close my eyes.

The way he would whisper and his lips would brush against mine.

We haven't spoken much since the news broke and there's been talks of him turning himself over to the
police.

I don't think he understands what this means because I do and that means jail time.

I can't believe he is even considering the matter what about me and the kids did he even think about us.

I want to ask him but a part of me wants him to be honest and upfront. I deserve to know if he's
planning on leaving us right I am with wife after all.

He finally turns and cups my cheeks kissing me.

The water delicately pours over us as we just stare into each others eyes.

"Talk to me Ngwane let me be your peace" I said.

He smiled and shook his head.

"For once in your life let me be your peace and the calm to your war" he said kissing my lips.

"And of what use will that be if the peace and calm to my war is what started it in the first place" I
asked.

He looked taken aback by my words but it's true right now he's the one stirring up war inside me.

"Then tell me what to do" he said holding my hands.

"Stay that's all just stay" I said.

He shut his eyes and deeply sighed.

"I love you sthandwa sam" he said kissing my forehead.

"I love you bambolwami" he said kissing my nose.

"I love you sbopho sam" he said kissing my lips and then placing my hand on his chest.

I know he does but is it enough to stay and fight for our family.

He gentle lifted me up and walked out of the shower if it was any other other I would complain about
wetting my floors.

He placed me on the bed dried the both of us and we cuddled.

I came about and he wasn't asleep but wide awake and had his hands my belly.

I decided to close my eyes and listen believe it or not Ngwane's voice is ome you can never get used.

"Hello munchkin" he said rubbing my belly.

"I don't know what to say but one day you will know that daddy isn't a man of many words but he's a big
softie just don't tell anyone about this. I don't know if you hear me but I love you so much and I can't
wait to meet you" he said laughing softly.

"Everyone is waiting anxiously to meet you. I have been praying for a princess but either way anything is
fine with me. I wish you take after mommy and be the most beautiful baby girl in the world, looking like
a daddy would be a disaster imagine a he/she munchkin running around in nappies we can't have that"
he said laughing softly but I caught a glint of his shaky voice.

He was silently crying and I could not hold him because he was opening up to his baby girl.

"I will probably not be here to hold you and kiss the booboos away because daddy needs to do right by
mommy. But I can't wait for you to meet mommy she's absolutely the best and most kind and loving
person I know. She's a mean cook, decent singer but oohy she's a terrible dancer but she can bend and
that drives daddy crazy" I think I heard some irish eccent there wow wonders shall never end.

"I am sorry daddy shouldn't be saying stuff like that its just that I love mommy. You and your brother are
the greatest gifts has given me don't tell mommy this but she's second best to you guys. I loved you the
moment I knew your mother welcomed my seed and that her womb was nurturing you" he said kissing
my belly.

"I am glad mommy has you guys she may act all tough but she needs someone in her corner. I love you
so much munchkin ka babakhe more thaj you will ever know " he said rubbing my belly making more
comfortable to a point of me feeling sleep draw close.

I don't know if I told you that things are bad if I didn't well I am telling you now.

If it's not the stares and whispers its the prolonged looks and I can't take it anymore.

I did issue a brief and tight statement telling everyone that these are all lies and it's yet to be publicly
publishedm I just want this matter put to bed so we can carry on with our lives.

And most importantly I want Qiniso to have his life back, just the other day I went to pick him from his
grandmother's place and the media pounded me like bees on honey.

I don't want him exposed to the media and taken pictures of only to have him being called names.

And the allegations and speculating surround him as he is currently the main topic. According to the
media the news must be true seeing that no one knew about Qiniso and I till a year ago.

And I guess I should be relieved that the long awaited call from the principal came through and she
asked to see us.

Mthandeni and I had different meetings today and so we couldn't travel together but agreed to meet
here.

I have been waiting for him and he's a few minutes late.

"Would you like some tea while we wait" the principal asks.

"No thank you" I say looking at the time.

Just as I am about to reach inside my handbag for my phone to call him, a knock comes through and the
door opens.

I almost jump from my chair for a second I thought he ditched me.

He kisses my cheek and extends his hand to the principal throwing a nod in the mix.

"Sbopho Khanyile Uhuru's father" he says.

I don't know why that turned me on but then again he does have that rude streak to him.

He settles next to me and hold my hands.

"What happened" I ask.

He looks a bit on the roughed up sude his shirt a tad bit stained and his sleeves rolled up.

"I had a flat tire I apologise for being late" he says.

"I am sorry that I called you here unexpectedly but I thought we should address the rumours at hand"
she said.

I see Mthandeni shake his head and let out a chuckle.

"I don't see how what happens in my house have anything to do with you" he says raising his eyebrow.

"Sir we are here to discuss your son's wellbeing here in school" she says.

"If having my son here happens to inconvenience you then tell us we will gladly take him out" he says.

"Ngwane" I say trying my best to stay calm.

"Clearly this school has had enough of our donations" he says.

"Ngwane please this is about our son who might be called names at the end of the day" I say.

I look at the principal and smile.

"I would like to assure you that there's no truth in any of the slanderous things said about my husband.
And I would appreciate if my son is treated the same way he was before" I say.

"I am glad to hear that and Mr Khanyile I am sorry if I came across insensitive but trust me when I say I
have my learner's best interest at heart. And I will sure take care of your should he need assistance" she
says still looking at Mthandeni.

I know what she's seeing this is th first time she's seen him up close and personal.

"Is that all" I ask.

She looks at me and nods taking her eyes from me back to Ngwane.

"It would be great to have you come to some of our meetings" she says.

"He will and I will make sure of it" I say.

We walk out holding hands to the parking and he pulls me close.

"Uze ubehlaza pho" I say.

He raises an eyebrow and smiles.

"I am sorry sthandwa sam " he says.

"Will we drive together" he asks.

I shake my head.

"I have to go past the church and meet my father" I say.

"And yes I am okay but I need to do this alone" I say.

He gives me a tight hug and rubs himself against me.

"Nazoke usunuka indoda" he says letting go.

"I will see you home okay and please don't kill the child" I say.

"Which one huh the one that borrows people money and gossips" he says.

"Yes that one" I say blowing him a kiss.

He opens and the closes the door for me then walks back to his car.

He drives behind me because in his words he doesn't trust these churches anymore.

He turns back and drives out after seeing me walk in the big church door.

I walk inside and this overwhelming feeling consumes to a point where I can't hold back the tears.

They come falling till a loud sob escapes my mouth another lump builds up and let it all out.

I find a seat and settle down thinking about a song a heard on a video of two ladies singing.

The words come and I find my voice singing the song.

*Noma kubuhlungu nkosi yami.

Inhlizoyo yami iyaqaqamba

Ngiphe isibindi baba wam ukuze ngikwazi ukuthethelela.

Jehova Eloyi Jehova Shalom*

My heart aches and I need to set it free. I feel a hand over my shoulder and look up seeing my father.

I stand up and give him a tight hug not letting go.

"It's okay I am here now" he says.

I finally let go and we both settle down letting some time pass before we say anything.

"Hoow are you feeling baba" I ask.

He looks at me and laughs.

"You know this old man I am okay" he says. "I should be asking you that question" he says.

"I am breathing and taking it one step at a time" I say.

"You were never supposed to find out" he says.

"When did you find out" I ask.

"Many years ago when I consulted a doctor. After Zwe was born it took longer for us to conceive and
since your mother was able to give me a child. I thought the problem was with me and so I consulted
only to find that I couldn't have kids" he says deeply sighing.

"I learned that your brother wasn't mine and it hurt so I went to your grandfather and he wasn't
surprised. I was angry and so I left home with the intentions of never to return but when she told me
she was expecting a girl. Honey I was over the mood but still my anger clouded my judgement I left but
met a wise man who made me see what I stood to lose my family" he says.

"I realised your mother did nothing but love, respect and protect me and not forgetting how she gave
me you guys" he says.

"I don't want you to think that this changes anything. I love you and your brother so much because you
are my life.

I know I failed to protect you and I will never forgive myself for that" He says.

I take huge deep breaths noddinh my head.

I feel a bit better knowing he still loves me no matter what.

"How's mama" I ask.

"She's waiting for you to walk through that door and tell her that you need her" he says.

Knowing my mother she has a cup of tea on standby.

"Baba is there something wrong with me" I ask the one question I have always wanted to ask.

"No" he says softly.

"Then why am I still with him, why do I love him so much when I should be angry and standing with
other women demanding justice" I say.

He shakes his head.

"I am a women baba and I should be fighting back" I say.

He pulls me into a a hug.

"This is the only thing making us human and you have it all" he says pointing at my chest.

"This betrays baba" I say pointing to my left side when my heart pumps.

"It loves and it forgives" he says.

"And I don't want you to ever forget that" he says wiping my tears.

"Ice cream" he says.

"With all the toppings" I say.

"Anything for you Mnyamande" he says.

I need time but one of these days I will have to go see my mother.
....

I am happy that I met with my father because after having that conversation with him, I felt as if a heavy
burden had been lifted off my shoulders.

He called right on time just when I arrived home.

I made my way inside and the house was squeaky clean as promised Sthandile was keeping her word.

Msizi was the firts to give me a hug while his sister greeted me from the kitchen.

"I did know you are here" I said to Msizi.

"I wanted to surprise you guys and I didn't know she's here" he said looking at Sthandile.

"Msizi" I said.

"Msizi can you please help me plate up" she said.

"Why don't you ask your boyfriend oh wait he took your money and ran" he said.

"Sis Nkanyezi you see what I meant" she said dropping her shoulders.

"Hey play nice" I said walking to my room.

I have been playing referee so much I think I should I get paid for this .

I find Ngwane in bed reading a book, he quickly puts it aside the moment his eyes land on me.

He takes my shoes off and starts rubbing my feet.

"Mthandeni" I say.

He looks up and smiles.

"I want us to postpone the wedding" I say.

He let's go of my feets and raises his eyebrows.

"Cha" he says.

"Then do turn your self in" I say.

"Don't even try to deny it because I know your plan,what about me and the kids huh what about me" I
ask

"You will be taken care off" he says.

"I want you to take care of us not anyone else. I am happy with you please don't take that away from
me" I say.
"You're a powerful man and they will make an example out of you. This case will drag and I will have to
relive every moment of that night.

I can't and I won't so please stop" I say.

He s

He kisses my forehead and walks towards the door.

"Sbopho" I call out.

He turns and looks at me.

"Lalale ke it's up to you now the wedding or turning yourself in. I won't be jail birds wife and my children
will definitely not set foot on prison grounds I say.

"Khetha Ngawe marriage which is me, you and the kids or jail which is you losing us" I say heading to the
bathroom.

He looks shocked but he will survive.

"Ngeke sidlale nina thina" I mumble to

....

Don't be alarmed we are carrying on excuse any errors.

NKANYEZI

042

I came to a decision and decided to postpone the wedding just as right because we hadn't even sent out
the invitations yet.

Mamzobe was first to tell me that it's not done in our culture as it is said that a wedding is not
postponed.

I wasn't going to go through with it but when Ngwane didn't sleep home just after I gave him an
ultimatum.

I saw right there that he wasn't ready to stay and that hurt knowing he would rather be without me.

We have been walking past each other lately and to be honest I am slowly getting used to this.

Last night he came home late when I was already asleep and this morning he woke up early and left for
work.

I fold the last of his tracksuits and deeply sigh. I really miss my husband the one who put us his family
first and didn't care what anyone else said.
I remember moving in to his home this man did everything for himself and when he didn't have time
Mamzobe would glady do it for him. But as soon as I became his wife things changed and I started taking
care of him and loving him even when I didn't realise.

The house is dead quiet because Msizi and Sthandile decided to leave and join Qiniso at Mamzobe's
house.

I miss my son and lately it feels like I haven't been spending much time with him.

A knock comes through bringing me out of my thoughts.

I find my mother standing clutching at her beautiful brown leather bag.

"Nkanyezi" she says.

I moved aside letting her walk in I wasn't expecting to see her..

"Mama" I say.

"I am sorry for coming without letting you know but sisi we need to talk" she says.

I know we do but I thought this would happen when I was clear headed.

I lead her to the kitchen and put on the kettle then settling down.

"I tried calling but you aren't taking my calls" she says..

Baba did say she wasn't taking this well and now that I see her I feal bad for behaving like one spoilt
brat.

"I am sorry Nkanyezi" she says breathing out.

"I know this came as a shock but Nyezi this changes nothing. I am still your mother and I love you guys
not being able to talk to you has been killing me" she says.

"Did you ever love baba" she looks at me shocked.

"I love your father and I did this because I love him and I wanted to only see him happy" she says.

"By sleeping with his brother" I ask.

I don't know where all these questions are coming from but I am getting worked up.

"Nkanyezi" she says.

"Mama you hurt him do you know that" I say.

My father may seem okay but deep down this has been eating him up for years and probably for the rest
of his life.

"I know but I don't regret what I did because I gave him you guys and he's been the happiest man I
know" she says.

"Is that what makes you sleep at night that he's happy" she opens her mouth and quickly closes it
nodding her head.
"I know you will never understand my reasons but I am sorry" she says..

"Was there a time you wanted to be with uncle" I ask.

"Yes" she says softly.

"Do you love him" I ask the one question that has been messing me up.

"Loved there was a time I loved him" she says.

I think I appreciate her honesty.

"I miss you Nkanyezi and I miss my grandson" she says.

"I miss you too mama" I say.

She stands up and gives me a tight hug.

"Were you ever forced into doing this mama" I ask.

"No" she says softly..

I pull away from her hug when I feel some pain from my abdomen.

"What's wrong" she asks.

I shake my head letting out some air.

"Mama" I say through gritted teeth.

She grabs her handbag and reaches for her phone.

"Let me call Ngwane" she says.

I quickly shake my head no.

"Mama something is wrong" I say feeling sharp pains attack me..

She calls my father and helps me to the door.

"Mama the baby can't come it's too early" I say.

She holds my hand and steps on the car taking me to the hospital.

By the time we arrive I am drapped in nothing but sweat and I feel damp down there as if I am bleeding..

I am eight months into this well I have just entered my eighth month and I don't want anything going
wrong.

The nurses wheel me into a private room and attend to me till the doctor comes through.

"Doctor what's wrong with my baby" Mama asks.

I look at the doctor and I don't know what they did to me but the pain has subsided.
"I am sorry that I took so long but I had to check a few things" The doctor says.

"Is there something wrong with my child" I ask.

He looks at me and smile.

"Mrs Khanyile there is nothing wrong but I do have news" the doctor says

"Mama please call Ngwane" I say when panic hits me.

"Don't worry he's on his way" My mother says.

See why they say mothers now best she called Ngwane even when I said no.

The door opens and baldy walks in rushing to my side.

He takes my hand and looks at the doctor.

"As I was telling Mrs Khanyile nothing is wrong with the babies" he says looking at us.

"Babies" I say.

"Mrs Khanyile when last did you attend an ultrasound" he asks.

I look at Mthandeni and shrug my shoulders things have been so busy I have been neglecting my
appointments.

"Well apart from your highblood sky rocketing and the babies turning everything is okay" the doctor
says.

I feel a headache coming till I feel Ngwane's hand brushe my hand.

"If you keep on stressing and not eating properly I am afraid you won't make it to the next month and
your triplets might not make it" he says.

"What" I say.

"Congratulations Mr and Mrs Khanyile you are having triplets" he says.

"Are you sure about this" Ngwane asks.

The doctor nods before heading out.

"Thank you ma" Ngwane says to my mother.

"It's a pleasure Ndodana" she says kissing my cheek following the doctor.

He looks at me and scrunchies his nose.

"We are having triplets" he says still in shock mode.

I swear he grows handsome each and every day.

Zothile did say something like this was going to happen. Phela that one is a triplet he didn't come to this
earth alone you know. He came with his two roommates and companions Zothini and Thandekile now
those people know him better.

I am still in shock not only is it one but three people inside me now...

People have been wondering why my belly is this huge while I hadn't even reached eight months. Here I
was thinking it was normal kanti lutho I am carrying three humans each with two legs, hands and a head
probably a bald one at it.

I place my hand over my bell and close my eyes this has to be enough...

"I am so sorry for being jerk" he says.

"I miss my husband" I say..

"I am here Sthandwa sam" he says.

"No you're not this person right here looks like my husband,speaks like him, moves like him but he's
not" I say.

"I think you need time to yourself and that's okay we all need that sometimes" I say.

He tries speaking but I shake my head.

"Days Ngwane and you haven't touched me nor looked me in the eye yet we share the same bed" I say..

"It hurts knowing one night of me trying to make you see reason has pushed you away from me" I say

I take my hand back and smile.

"The ball is in your court Sbopho and should you remember that you have a wife and kids that need you
then you know where to find me" I say.

"Nkanyezi don't do this" he says.

I look at the hurt in his eyes and I know we should be celebrating the news of our babies but he's been
hurting me.

"You are trying to prove a point to all the wrong people doing all this for them to see that you're not this
monster they say you are" I say.

"I love you as you are and for me that's enough" I say .

"I wish I could say I understand but I don't and I never will" I say.

Mama walks in with my bag and Ngwane turns to look at her.

"I was going to call you but now that you are here I might as well tell you" I say.

"I am going to my mother's for a few days" I say.

He raises his eyebrow and shakes his head..

"Ma what happened to talking things out now you're taking my wife" he says.
"No one is taking me anywhere you did this" I say.

He nods clenching his jaws looking at me.

He kisses my forehead and brushes my belly.

"I love you so much" he whispers.

"But not enough" I say.

He takes my hand and places on his chest.

"Let me fix this all of this" he says turning and heading for the door.

Mama makes her way to me with open arms bringing me into a hug.

"You heard the doctor Mnyamande think about the babies" she says.

"I don't want to lose him mama" I say.

"You won't because he's not going anywhere you two will be happy and raise these kids together" she
says.

"I love you mama so much" I say.

I am getting emotional all over again and the tears just won't stop.

"You know what you need some tea and fozen icecream" she says.

....

I went to my mother's for a few days but then I got a call from Zenkosi asking me visit.

I ended up agreeing she had been begging me to come down and see her.

I took the leap of faith with my heavy bump and asked Zweli to drive me there.

I immediately felt home when I stepped foot in this house.

"You seem far away" Zenkosi says.

She's truly amazing and one of the best people I know.

"I am just think about Qiniso and his father" that's half a lie.

I saw my son before I left and he was happy and well taken care off.

"Have you thought about leaving him just to set him straight" she asks with a silly smile on her pretty
face.

"I don't like playing games Zen" I say.

She laughs shaking her head.

"Its a just a nudge in the right direction these men aren't all that you know" she says rubbing her belly.

"Don't you listen to that one she's on her third pregnancy now by that bushy husband of her's" Gogo
says.

"Gogo that's not fair" ZenkosI says hiding her face.

" I don't want to push him into a corner Zen and besides he should choose us because he loves us. We
should be enough for he should forget what the world says and focus on us" I say.

I know Ngwane and once pushed he closes up.

"Does he even know that you're here" Gogo asks..

I shake my head.

"I swear you're Zenkosi number two hot headed confused" she says drinking her tea.

"You see the only sane person in this house is me. I don't have a man and I only gamble to keep myself
busy" she says nodding her head.

I am in stiches and I am strarting to think there's more to that tea.

"Gogo don't you want to take a nap" Zenkosi asks..

"I only take adult naps that involve two people of different species if you know what I mean" she says
winning..

"Gogo" I say.

"You haven't seen nothing" Zenkosi says.

"So how many babies are in there" Gogo asks.

I feel embarrassed but say the number still.

"What type of soldiers does Ngwane have huh" she asks..

Zenkosi and I laugh.

"You realise the boy makes babies by three not one right so I suggest you run and never look back" she
says..

"Gogo what is wrong with you" Zenkosi asks.

"I remember in our days we never popped babies like this" she says.

She looks at me and laughs.

"Yah neh so you're the one who took Ngwane away from huh" She says like she's in deep thought.

"I like you gogo" I say.

"I should school you girls on how to treat a man properly and I am not talking about the 'a way to a
man's heart is through his stomach' no I am taking about the dinner is me on me lesson" she says.

"Wayedla kamnandi phela ubaba ka Sphelele" she says standing up from her seat.

I wish my grandmother was a bit like Zenkosi's I swear like was going to be complete.

....

NKANYEZI

043

Things seem to have been happening at a every fast pace that I can't keep up.

Nkanyezileft and that tore me apart I don't know how many times I have stopped myself from going to
Nyambose's house and getting her.

That was a week ago yet it feels like she's been gone for so long.

I can't cope without her and this house feels cold without her warm presence.

I turn and look at her side of the bed I don't want to get used to this feeling of emptiness and longing.

I know why she left she was tired and truthfully speaking I would have left my sorry ungrateful ass long
ago.

I wish she could see things from my perspective and realise just how I scared I am of losing her.

I took time the other day and read up on the rape stats of this country. South Africa may one of the fast
developing countries in the world but its one unsafe country for women and children. I learned that not
everyone gets justice well because the law favours the rich hell I know all about that.

What broke my heart is the number of unreported cases all because these young women are afraid and
because they have lost all hope in the justice system.

To them one women getting justice is still a victory and that's what I want to afford Nkanuezi justice.

I know she says one thing but deep down I feel like if don't do this then I would have failed in being the
man she wants me to be.

I sometimes watch her sleep and wonder if she ever wakes up and does the same. I sometimes wonder
what did I do to have her in my life she's everything a man would want and I still can't believe she's
mine.

As angry as she is at me she left me food and containers just so I don't go hungry.

Yesterday I was home visiting my son I wanted to spend some time with him.
I know Nkanyezi says he looks like me but the boy has his mother's eyes.

I was about to walk past the garden when my father called for me.

I didn't want to join him but it would have been disrespectful had I not and my son would have asked
endless questions.

"May I speak with you" he said.

I titled my head in shock my father has never been one to be calm.

"Your mother told me about Nkanyezi" he said.

I chuckled and tried standing up.

"And you just couldn't wait to gloat and tell me how I didn't deserve her in the first place" I said.

"Hlala phansi Sbopho" he said warningly.

"I don't need your sympathy baba" I said.

"I wasn't going to give you one but you need to hear this" he said getting my attention.

"I know you feel the need to do the right thing but sometimes doing nothing is the right thing to do. I
didn't raise you to be an emotional weakling so you will not start now. Turning yourself in is a very
stupid and selfish move especially when your wife is heavily pregnant and needs you I don't want you to
make the same mistakes that I made and rob yourself the chance of being a wonderful husband and
father. Nkanyezi loves you she's proven that so many times she's forgiven you and you shouldn't care
what people say. This plan of yours will not work because I know Nkanyezi hasn't opened a case and she
will never testify against you in court. Just think about this who will help her with the kids huh, who will
protect her when you loaf around in prison and she's having iy hard at 2am in the morning. Don't throw
away something this rare and beautiful" he said making me rethink my decisions lately I have been so
emotional I let logic fly through the window.

"I am afraid baba that I will mess this up that deep down I am just like you" I said.

"I love her so much I can't hurt her baba a part of me is doing this because I fear that if don't one day
she will wake up and not want us anymore. I am doing this so that I can protect her from me because I
fear that I am you" I said.

"You are nothing like me, I did all those things to you because I wanted the monster that I thought was
buried inside you to come alive. I was wrong and I am sorry that you suffered at your own father's
hands." he said trying to stand using his cane.

"Believe it or not you are my son and I love you and your siblings. I will make things right with your
mother even if takes the last remaining miserable years of my life" he says.

I laughed because there's nothing miserable about this old man's life.

"I am also greatful that you haven't stopped bringing Qiniso to see me I hope that when the tripplets
you won't shut me out of their lives" he said.
"I know you love the kids" I said.

"Mkhulu gogo is cooking can I not eat my veggies" Qiniso said whispering in his grandfather's ear.

My father smiled and whispered back something I couldn't hear.

"Haa mkhulu" my son scrunching his nose..

"Take it or leave it" Baba said still laughing.

"I will eat one for each spoon of icecream" Qiniso said folding his arms.

"Then gogo better fill that plate with veggies" Baba said looking at me.

"And you want to miss out on such moments" he said softly.

What my father said made sense in so many ways that I can't ignore his word. I look at the letter
Mnyamande left me and deeply sigh. I have been dreading this with fears of what might be inside this
letter.

I open the letter and her horrible handwriting appears.

I don't know if I should be reading this alone maybe I should have called Msizi I don't want my heart to
stop and there's no one to help.

Women are so unpredictable and my wife is the worst for instance she left without saying anything. I
wipe my sweaty hands and start reading.

*I didn't think there would come a time where I had to pen my words down except on that baby journal
you gave me. Ever since I met you things have been different the good kind though but today my heart
is heavy.

I really don't know what to say or what this letter will achieve but it's worth a try right.

I know you're scared of so many things but that's why I am here to be by your side.

I remember the first time I met you and looked into your cold eyes anyone would have been scared but i
wasn't instead I let you navigate my body and travel all its corner.

And I remember the first time I learned who you are and vowed that I would never fall for you..I
remember when I stepped foot in your father's house and I made a promise to hurt you the most. I
wanted nothing more than for you to fall for me and to give you kids only to take them away from you.

I wanted to hurt you so bad that you would realise the hurt and pain you put me through and you would
walk to the ends of the earth looking and seeking for peace and forgiveness. I had imagined you going
down on your knees begging me for forgiveness but I wouldn't even give you that.

Trust me I was angry and a part of me hated you so forgiving you didn't just happen over night.

But then I got to know you for the person you are and as the father of my son.
The man who read him bedtime stories and comforted him when he had nightmares.

I got to know you as the great man you are one who loves and would do anything for his family.

Slowly but surely my heart fell for you and my initial plan was no more because love found me when I
wasn't even looking. But I guess the joke is on me right I stayed and you leaving how ironic.

I know you won't listen to the song so I took the liberty of writing them down.

Wish I could I could have said goodbye

I would have said what I wanted too maybe even cried for you

If I knew it would be the last time I would have broke my heart in two trying to save a part of you

Don't wanna feel another touch

Don't wanna start another fire don't wanna know another kiss no other name falling off my lips

Don't wanna give my heart away to another stranger or let another day begin won't even let the
sunlight in no I will never love again.

Oh when we first met I never thought I would fall

I never thought that I'd find myself laying in your arms and I wanna pretend that it's not true oh baby let
you go

Cause my world keeps turning and turning and I am not moving on.

Don't wanna feel another touch

Don't wanna start another fire don't wanna know another kiss no other name falling off my lips

I don't wanna know this feeling unless it's you and me

I don't wanna waste no moment

I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me

I would rather wait for you.

I believe the song sums up everything I wanted to say.

I truly believed that we could over come anything and still come up tops, I truly thought we were a team
but here you are giving up on us.
I thought I would be be enough for you to stay and that the kids would be reason enough for you to
want to stay but I was wrong.

I won't lie Ngwane it hurts so much I can't even think straight.

Why did you make me fall in love with you only to walk out on me the most painful thing is it's not just
me.

The last health scare made me realise just how selfish I have been towards my babies. You heard what
the doctor said if I carry on like this I won't nake it and neither will my babies.

I don't want to leave them in this cruel world or the other way round.

When a child loses a parent they are orphaned but when a mother loses her child there's no word for
that.

I have been through that before and I don't want to walk through that path ever again.

I am choosing peace and sanity for my kids and that's why I won't stand in your way.

I am scared that I will do this alone but I have done it before and this time I won't be entirely alone.

I love you so much Khanyile and maybe we were never meant to be but if there's one thing I know is
that our love was never tainted.

I want you and nobody else Ngwane and so I would rather wait for you.

Love

Nyota*

I fold the letter back and stand up knowing my wife she must have been in tears writing this.

I realy messed up this time and I don't know if she will forgive me.

I don't want my kids growing up without a father and I don't want Mnyamande's eyes looking at another
man the way they do me.

I don't want to lose my family and I won't.

Nkanyezi
Things have been so great I am thinking I should stay longer but then I can't because I have a family back
home. And I have a son who needs me seeing that his father will soon be friends with orange.

I can't picture Ngwane saying yes and following another man's orders.

I had the best in house massage organised by Zenkosi and the talks we had were just out of this world
and funny.

It was only us the girls, gogo and Zenkosi's mother.

Gogo had her famous tea in hands looking lively and in her element.

We were talking all things marriage, career and men.

I applaud Zenkosi for keeping and running BLACK ZEN with so much efficiency.

"So when last did you speak to Ngwane" Zenkosi asked.

"Its been a while and he hasn't called meaning he has decided" I said not giving much away.

"So you expect him to call" Zenkosi's mother asked.

"Its only fair he's the man and he's probably in the wrong" Luyanda said.

"And what about you Nkanyezi why haven't you called you miss him right" Gogo said.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"And have her look desperate no ways gogo" Zenkosi said shaking her head.

"Thula wena" Gogo said making us laugh.

"I don't get what's so hard with just picking up the phone and calling him I swear you wont die. You kids
of today chant equality and going 50 -50 but expect the man put all the work when it comes to
relationships. You must know that akuncengwa kuyancengiswana" she said looking at us.

"Tell me what do men value more when it comes to relationships Love, sex or respect" she asked.

We looked at MamButhelezi senior who shook her head telling us she's staying out of this.

"That obvious sex" We said simultaneously before cracking up.

"I think it time for a little lesson on then male specie book 101" She said taking a sip at her cup..

"Why is always 101" Zenkosi asked laughing.

"Because that's how far and complex they go trust me men aren't that complicated" Gogo said laughing.

"Every man loves sex but there's nothing new there every one knows that and well everyone women has
a vigina. But not every woman knows how to be their husband's peace and home , see I believe a man
values respect more and then the rest can follow. I remember when Zenkosi got married and we shared
words of wisdom she was told what not to allow and most importantly not to lose herself. In all that she
was also told be respect her husband and give him his rightful place. I am not saying be a walkover and
not ask but chose your word wisely. Love and protect him in public but call him out on his crap behind
closed door.

These days love and sex alone isn't enough you need you to empower yourself and be able to stand your
ground be able to hold a conversation with man and women of a walks.

You can't simply rely on just lying on your back and popping out babies trust me that gets tiring and men
get bored" She said.

"Why do you think men would rather marry the plain Janes of this world" she asked.

"Well I will tell you these pretty little plain Janes that's what you call them right,they respect their
husbands and and they turn houses into homes" she said.

"I love you girls and I want nothing but the best for you. Nkanyezi if your mother has never told you this
emndweni kuyadunuswa hayi kancane sisi" We erupted into laughter.

"I just don't want you to be the bunch that is ready for weddings but not the actual marriage. And
should your man lay his hand on you or ever bring a third party then you take him to the cleaner for all
his got" she said laughing.

Zenkosi hid her face in her soft palms.

"And then" I asked.

"She once took Zibulo to the cleaners and she would have succeeded had she not folded"Gogo said.

"Ma don't corrupt these kids please" Zenkosi's mother said.

"Hayi Sphelele they shouldn't be fooled by what's dangling between these men's legs" She said shaking
her head.

"And if Mncedisi was to ever do that to then what gogo" Luu asked.

"Then we shoot him take him all he's got and leave him to his father to sort him out" she said laughing.

"Ma that's my son" Zenkosi's mother said.

"Then he better tread carefully I don't play like that eveb if he's family" Gogo said.

We all laughed and enjoyed the talk well Gogo in particular.

Luyanda and Thobile have been going up and down preparing for the outdoor dinner we will be having.

I asked what the occasion was and Zibulo said its just dinner between family.

Zenkosi and I made the salads it's the least we could do considering our state.

We all gather to the table outside and for some weird reason I feel like the stars are shining brighter
tonight.

The sliding door leading to the outside opens and Lwandle walks in.
"What a long drive" he says dramatically exhaling.

"Mana" Lwazi says excitedly.

I think she and Luu have a lot of things in common especially their "phuma silwe" protective behaviour.

My heart skips a few beats when Zweli follows then Ngwane.

I want to run into his arms and feel at home but I don't know what to do.

He looks okay but I wonder if he's been eating and if his leg hasn't been giving him problems.

Ever since the accident his leg has not completely healed.

We great each other and everyone settles down while I dish up for Ngwane.

I look at Zenkosi who smiles blowing me a kiss.

"You knew" I ask.

"He asked us not to tell" She says.

"Mkhulu" Zibulo says giving him a handshake.

"Mkhulu" Ngwane says.

"When we heard that you were living it up here we came to offer our support" Lwazi says.

Trust my friends to be dramatic all for nothing.

"And my soul wouldn't allow me to let these two drive together" Lwandle says.

I need to talk to these two about the animosity between them.

"Oh Lord father of Jesus why do you do this to me such temptations" Lwandle says looking around the
table.

Everyone laughs and looks at him its a good thing Zenkosi introduced everyone.

"What's wrong Lwandle" Gogo asks.

"Isilingo gogo the sin" he says fanning himself.

"I think I have found my other half" Gogo says.

"Qhawe how are you" Lwande says.

"Lwandle" Qhawe says.

"Is that your way of saying I see you Lwande take me Lwandle" he says making everyone around the
table laugh.

"You do know that I am straight as they come right" Qhawe says.

"Oh honey don't worry I got you covered deep inside I am a he she woman and even rulers bend" he
says winking.
"Mkhulu you better lock your door tonight" Zibulo says.

I keep stealing glances at Ngwane who hasn't even touched his food.

"It's good having you kids here" Gogo says.

"Nkanyezi sisi will you please make me some tea" she says.

I excuse myself and head back to the house.

It's not long till I hear footsteps behind me.

I put on the kettle and stand next to the sink not wanting to face him.

"Nkanyezi" he says.

I remain still saying nothing.

"So it's not enough that you pushed me away now you want show the whole world that we aren't okay"
I say.

"Ngibuke Mnyamande" he says softly whispering in my ear.

He tries touching my arm but I gently withdraw and move away from him.

"I know I should have called or came earlier but I didn't know what to say" he says.

"I was foolish to even think of being away from you when I found out you left I almost lost my mind" He
says.

I want to say something but there's a lump on my throat.

"Sthandwa sam I am sorry for everything I put you through these last few weeks. I wasn't thinking
clearly and I know I messes up but I don't want to lose you" he says.

"I was so focused on doing what I thought was right and totally forgot that you need me now more than
ever. I forgot to be a husband and friend and kept hurting you in the process. I am afraid that one day
you will wake up and regret us and I don't want that. I am afraid that one day you will get tired of fixing
me and give up on us, that you will one day hate my kids because they have a part of me in them. I am
afraid that one day you will wake you see just how unworthy I am of your love. I am scared that I will
mess my kids up the same way my dad did" he says subtly wiping the tear that falls off his cheek.

"I love you and if you may please take me back" he says.

We were never over but I won't tell him that.

"Say something" he says nervously.

"You made it seem like you didn't care about us and that hurt" I say.

"I know and I am sorry" he says.

I fling into his arms and bolt into a cry holding him tightly.

"I am not going anywhere I promise" he says.

"Promise" I say.

"I promise muntu wam" he says brushing my belly.

He pulls away and gives me a kiss leaving me wanting more.

"Likhandwa ngamatshe letiya" Gogo says behind us.

I pull away from Ngwane and clear my throat.

Now we look like two kids caught stealing candy.

"You two remind me of my husband and I" she says smiling.

"I looked at him the same way you do now and he was my world till he wasn't anymore" she says.

I have learned so much from this woman I think she's a fountain of both beauty and wisdom.

"You know the kind of love that takes you as you are with your scars and all" he says looking at
Mthandeni.

"Your love is the I will die for you type but I pray it remains the I will live for you type" she says smiling.

"I wish you nothing but happiness" she says walking away.

"We are going to be okay right" I say.

He looks at me and kisses my forehead.

"We are going to be just fine" he says bringing me into a hug.

"I love you Mnyamande and thank you" he says.

"I think we should get married after I give birth" he shakes his head.

"No we are getting married as soon as we get home" he says.

I nod my head it's settled then I am getting married as soon as we get home.

.....

I hope you guys are good

NKANYEZI

044

Things are slowly but surely coming together although I haven't gotten married as planned because of
my health I can pretty much say things are good.

I have the most loving and caring husband well in his own way but he's amazing.
Things got derailed when I was admitted and put to best rest for two weeks.

I swear my wedding planner was driving me up the wall and I was this close to murdering his posh
behind.

I am glad I didn't though because he's really good at his job and this wedding has to be absolutely
beautiful and I have people that need to be served some humble pie .

I think the wedding being on hold was a some sign from the universe that I should mend broken fences
and move on.

I can say that I am in good terms with my uncle who happens to be my father,I love the man and made
that clear but I also told him that Mbuso is my dad and will always be no matter what.

I think he understood where I was coming from and said he would take whatever I offered and well its
official now I have two dad's.

Another daunting issue I was running from was Melusi the man I once loved and cared about.

The man who charmed his way into my heart and was about to give me the greatest gift on earth and
that was being a mother to a baby girl. But he took it away killing any chance we had of ever being
together.

I know we would have made great parents but life happened and a part of us was gone just like that.

He came around not so long ago looking like a shadow of himself and his caramel skin lookin ashy and
pale.

I won't lie seeing him like that broke my heart and made me think about his son.

He asked for forgiveness and the pain in his eyes couldn't be missed. I am no God and judging isn't for
me so I forgave the man who was once good to me.

I forgave the man to took my baby girl away from me and closed that chapter forever.

I know he will be happy one day he at least deserves that.

Ngwane said there are two types of men in this world one who live with the guilt which eats away at
them.

And then there's one that can't live with the guilt and chooses the easy way out being death.

He said amongst the two nothing is better than the other and no man is better than the other.

Speaking of Ngwane he took some time from work to take care of me well that what he said. But the
truth is I have been running after him and Qiniso when they should be the ones running after me.

I enjoy these moments but soon I will have my hands full with the triplets and that alone gives me
sleepless nights.

This past year and a couple of months has been testing but worth it in every sense.
I step out of the shower lotion up and wear Ngwane's robe I get like that sometimes and he loves the
smell of scent all it.

I walk out and find Qiniso going through my baby journal quietly sitting on the bed with his hand on his
cheek.

"Q" I say making my way to the bed joining him.

He looks up and does the nose thing making me think something is amiss.

"Uhuru Qiniso Khanyile what's wrong" I ask.

"You are not dad" he says unfazed.

Wow so that stunt only works when his father uses it.

"Okay so what's talk to mommy" I say.

He looks at the baby scabs and sighs.

"Mama how many babies are in there" he asks softly pointing at my belly.

"Well three" I say not knowing where this is going.

He sighs again and nods.

"Mommy are you still going to love me even when your babies come" he asks.

"Qiniso where is this coming from" I ask.

He says nothing and just stares at me with his father's eyes.

"Remember how it was just the two of us and we met daddy" he nods smiling.

"Well our family is growing again and soon you will be a big brother looking after the babies" I say.

"I love you so much and nothing and no one will take your place in my heart and daddy loves you too
and you should never forget that" he smiles wrapping his arms around me.

"I love you" I say.

He pulls away and kisses my cheek.

"I love you too Mnyamande" he says running off.

"Qiniso" I call him.

"Don't worry about it sweetheart" he says making me laugh.

And where did that come from this child always leaves my mouth hanging.

For the longest time I have lived for only for my son and I was fine with that..

I am was okay with just waking and breathing on my to a smile on his face till I met his father and started
living for me.
If only he knew how much I love him more than anything in this world my son, the little man who taught
me so much and loving him came with me acknowledging and accepting how he came into this world.

The door opens with Ngwane making his way in.

He takes off his shoes and joins me in the bed placing his hand on my belly.

"How are we feeling today" he asks..

It's funny how they use the term "We" but we are the one's carrying the baby and pushing them out.

"We are doing just fine" That's half a lie well a white one at that.

I have been having contractions but nothing hectic.

"Was Uhuru with you" he asks scratching his head.

"Yes why" I ask.

"He's been asking weird qustions" he says shaking his head.

"Your son is dramatic let's leave it at that" I say laughing.

He looks at me and bites his lip going for the knot.

"I am tired Ngwane" I say.

"I just want to look at you" he says already breathing heavily.

Ngwane has this thing of wanting to see me naked and drool while growing hard.

"I don't feel like it today" I say my mind tracing back to when I bumped into Lilitha who wasn't shy to let
me know just how much of a hippo I looked like.

"Get away from you you perfect looking person" I find myself saying.

He has been putting the hours at the gym and it shows after the accident he laid off but now he's
looking sexier than before.

"You have been acting weird lately like your son so talk to me" he says paying all his attention to me.

"Do you think I look like a hippo" I ask twiddling my thumbs.

"Okay I didn't see that one coming" he says.

"Ngwane just look at me I am huge and nothing fits even my wedding dress looks like a curtain. I look
ugly and I don't want to look ugly and I don't want you to leave me for someone with perky breast
because my boobs are saggy" he keeps nodding while I continue.

"I know how you men are and how quickly you loose interest and now I have strech marks and one day
you will no longer love me and leave me for a pretty girl" I say bitting my lip.

We all know pregnancy tends to change so much in a woman's body.

"Firstly I am not most man and you know that and secondly you look nothing like a hippo. You are very
much pregnant with three little people which is mind blowing and amazing and I made that possible" he
says with a huge grin on..

"Saggy boobs or not which I highly doubt they will you know I love you and you know I love my tigress
claws and all" he says squeezing my arse making me giggle.

"Sthandwa sam your body is nurturing three human lives and it is bound to change. I want you and no
one else so you're stuck with me and that's that" He says.

"I have never seen something this beautiful in my life and every time I see you or think about you this
happens" he says moving his eyes to his bulging pants.

"So you don't find my disgustingly huge and unattractive" I ask..

"Clearly you didn't hear me" he says shutting his eyes.

Oh I heard everything and I just wanted to make sure his heart and the right head were talking.

"I love you Ngwane" I say.

"I love you too now let me see you woman" he says laughing.

Today happens to be sunday and I woke filled with the holy spirit okay that may be taking it far. But the
good thing is I called my mother and told her I would be joining her to church with my family.

That bubble got burst when Ngwane looked me in the eye and said "The only thing you can never shove
down my throat is church and my father" he said before giving me a long wet kiss.

He dropped me off at my parents house and said he would pick us up later so much for praying
together.

When I got home Zweli wasn't there and according to a little birdy he's been spending a lot of time at
Lwazi's.

My brother is either hitting that or he's planning too Lord it sounds so wrong when I say it out loud.

Baba drove us to church and I nearly coughed out my heart because of anxiety sweaty palms and all.

It had been a long time since I stepped foot at a church, I used to go here I grew up here and one night
changed everything for me.

I stopped believing and turned my back on God because I believed all my prayers fell on deaf ears.

All eyes were on us and my dad was holding my hand all the way while mama held Qiniso's.

No asked If what the papers said was truth or not, and where my husband was but I could feel they
wanted too.

Heavily pregnant and no husband in sight that raises a lot of questions but mama said she has my back.
The worship teams starst praising as soon as the pastor takes to the podium I haven't seen this man in
years and the man of God is aging in the direction of salt.

He looks to where I am seated and smiles looking at my father.

"Once again God has proven that with him nothing is impossible" he says looking at my father once
more

"Today just like any other day I had prepared a sermon. But when I walked into this place I felt a
different kind of energy and the spirit of forgiveness fell upon this place, the spirit of healing and letting
go fell upon this place. The spirit of pain and sorrow fell upon this place and I felt all your cries and
despairs.

Today I don't want to preach but to speak and I pray to God we all find healing.

This year alone has been tough on everyone, this year has taken so much from us all as I call it the year
of loss.

This year alone has broken families and has taken loved one's in the most cruellest of ways yet we are
still standing.

This year has has torn and broke and stole from the mothers and daughter of this soil yet they are still
standing scars and all because they have hope.

This year has shown us how the devil works and that he lives amongst us, you will never see the devil
face to face because he uses those around us.

The friend that takes you out for drinks only to sell you to the highest bidder is the devil in human flesh.

The man you walk past everyday on your way to work who has sinister thoughts about you is the devil in
human form.

Man is the devil walking in human flesh pain has been inflicted by men, violence has been instigated by
men and killings that take the daughters of this soil happen at the hands of men.

With all that has happened God says do not lose hope and to not despair but trust in him.

The book of Roman's chapter 8 verse 35 to 39 speaks to us all.

>Who shall separate us from the love of christ, shall tribulations or distress or persecution or femine or
nakedness or peril or sword.

>Nay In a these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

>For I am persuaded that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor powers nor things
present nor things to come.

>Nor height nor depth nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is
in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I know all of you are in pain and some of you are losing your faith but God says I am here bring all your
burdens and troubles.

I for one had lost all hope and faith in God but this book asks us all.

What shall be able to separate us from the love of God and I say nothing because here we are still
standing.

I speak healing and letting go in your lives today" I let the tears fall when it darns on me that we have
been through so much yet we are still standing. We have hope and that's what's been carrying us all
along.

"Sis Nkanyezi would you like to lead our worship team for old time sake" he says looking to where I am.

"Ma" I say softy.

"Hamba sisi" Mama says nudging me.

I look at my belly bump and soft laugh she stands and helps me up.

The congregation must be wondering why and how but I used to be part of the worship team and when
I left I asked for this man standing next to me to pray my soul finds peace and that was the last I saw
him.

"It's good to see you Nkanyezi" he says smiling.

I look back and take a deep breath before nodding my head to the choir.

'Dipelo Di Robehile

Le Moya Edubehile

Empa Jehova Re tshepile Re tshepile wena.

Dipotso Di Ngata

Empa Dikarabo Dinyenyane

Fela Jehova Re tshepile wena Re tshepile wena

Rona Jehova Re tshepile wena

Ka matsatsi le matsatsi

Jehova Re tshepile Re tshepile wena

Ka matsatsi le matsatsi

Jehova Re tshepile wena Re tshepile wena

Lefatshe la sisinyeha

Le meleko ha e fele

Fela Johova Re tshepile wena'

We are doing justice to the song and it's felt all over the place.

I look up and see my baldy making his way and settling at the back.

I thought I couldn't shove church down his throat but here he is looking dapper as ever.

I said I wouldn't cry but seeing him here makes me cry and the song itself brings out different emotions.

He stands up when he sees me about to walk to my seat.

All eyes are on him when he stretches his hand reaching for mine.

"I love you so much" he whispers in ear before leading me to my seat.

"Ndodana" Mama says proudly with a smile on her face.

I don't know how Mama convinced Ngwane for us to spend the day with them and stay for her famous
Sunday lunch.

I am seated next to my dad who has Qiniso on his lap while he baby talks my belly crazy huh.

Ngwane keep glancing my way and I can't wait to get home so I can kiss him.

"Is everything okay Nyezi" Mama asks making her way towards me.

"It's nothing mama but these babies seem to be having a field day" I say rubbing my belly with a smile.

I don't know if I should be worried or not but the contractions are too close apart.

"I have an announcement to make" Zweli says out of the blue.

"Please don't tell us you knocked over someone's child" Baba says.

"Well I am seeing someone and it's getting serious" Zwe says.

"Okay then who is it" Mama asks.

"Its Lwazi" he says not looking at me clearing his throat.

"Congratulations bhuti" I say smiling.

"Usebenzile bafo" Ngwane says giving him a handshake.

"I am so happy for you my baby" Mama says giving him a kiss on the cheek.

I asked to be excused with Ngwane following behind me.

We reach the kitchen and he holds me close kissing me.

"I miss you" he says.

"I miss you too" I say.

We haven't been having sex due to a lot of factors and it's hard on him.

My water breaks and my heart starts racing while I hold on to the kitchen counter.

"Haa baby first it was the scream and now it's peeing on the floor I think you're over doing this
pregnancy thing" he says making me laugh.

I laugh because my baby is clueless as to what's happening phela he's new to all this.

"Baby" I say.

He nods slowly and I think he's only getting it now.

"No it's too soon" he says.

"Yes the babies are coming" I say.

He runs his hands over his head and starts breathing.

"Ma" I shout when another load of pain hits me.

Everyone comes running in and mama rushes to my side.

"It's time" she says excitedly.

"Mama did you pee on yourself" Qiniso asks.

"What do I do" Ngwane asks.

"You go home and get the bags then meet us at the hospital" Mama says.

"Mbuso help Nkanyezi to the car" she says.

"Mama what's wrong" Qiniso asks in a shaky voice.

"Nothing mommy is going to the hospital and she will be back okay" I say being helped to the car.

"Baba the munchkins are coming" I say breathing out.

We get to the hospital and I immediately get wheeled in and soon prepped.
Ngwane walks in already geared up and ready to assist.

"You did this to me" I say trying to calm down but the pain shoots through me.

"Any normal person would have put one baby but no not my Khanyile you had to put three" I say.

"Mama" I scream when it hurts like hell.

With Qiniso it wasn't this painful but this is the mother of all pains.

"I am sorry muntu wam doctor do something can't you see she's in pain" he says.

"Leave the poor man alone he didn't do this to me" I say.

"Ahhaa" I scream.

He says nothing and just hold my hand.

"I love you but I am never doing this ever again" I say.

"Ngwane I am scared" I say.

He kisses my forehead and tightly holds my hand.

"Everything is going to be okay" he says.

"Will you still love me after this"I know it's silly of me but I can't think straight.

"I love you now, I love you tomorrow and I love you always Sthandwa sam" he says kissing me before
the doctor instructs the nurse that its time.

I spend an hour pushing and crying with my mother cheering me on.

I hear the first cry followed by two more and I feel drained and tired my body wants to give in.

Ngwane walks in after the nurse cleans me up and places all three of them on my chest.

Everything falls into place when I hear each of them let out a cry of their own.

"My babies" I say.

"You did it Mnyamande" he says wiping the sweat of my forehead.

"I did it" I say.

"Two boys and one beautiful baby girl" he says taking them.

"Ngwane I am sorry I didn't mean all those things" I say.

"All is forgotten sthandwa sam thank you so much for making me the happiest man alive" he says.

The last time he was this supper happy was when he saw Qiniso.

"We don't even have names" I say.

"I do and I hope you love them" he says.

I named Qiniso and it's only fair he gets the honour of naming these three.

"I would like that we call our first son Mpandeyokuphila because he shall be the root of life and bring life
every where he goes" he says with a huge smile.

"And for my princess I say we name her Babusisiwe because we are blessed to have her out of three
boys" he says looking at Babu tears welling up.

"And for our second son we should name him Ngceboyenkosi because God has been so good to us he
deserves all the glory" he says.

"And our first born son will forever be our truth and he shall carry my name with pride and protect his
siblings" he says.

I reach for his hand and nod.

"I love the names but I love you and our kids so much" I say.

"I want to be your forever Mnyamande" he says.

I close my eyes once I am done feeding.

.....

One more insert to go with regards to the last post the lady hasn't contacted me for more information.

You guys are much loved and appreciated

NKANYEZI

045

So much has happened that I can't say it all without shedding a few tears or getting
goosebumps.

Life has dealt me both good and bad cards but mostly good.

I have everything I never dreamed of and that scares me the most because I fear that I might
wake up one day and all this would have been a dream.

These past few months have been hard, challenging yet fulfilling at the same time. I still can't
believe I pushed all three and survived I told Ngwane though that I am never doing it again.

I had to be stitched up and the process of cleaning them was exhausting not to mention walking
or peeing.
I am not complaining though Ngwane has been amazing and doing almost everything during
that period.

I have the most amazing support system in him something I lacked over the years.

I feel blessed for all I have and I am many words of excited but the word undeserving keeps
dampening my mood.

I can't help feel like am betraying the good fight by still staying and stand with Ngwane. I may
be sounding like a broken record but it's true he hurt me and then loved me.

Despite all that I can't help feel like a hypocrite walking and chanting for justice while I sleep
next to my own demon.

The truth in all this is that rape never leaves you it stays and lingers in your life. It's that staunch
that has a way of coming back when you least expect and you never forget.

I guess this will always be that inner war I have with myself that I will never win and maybe I
don't want to and that's okay.

Things are looking up for everyone and I think that's why I say things haven't been that bad.

Lwandle is up for partner at his firm and I know it's a done deal he's really good at his job.

And things between Lwazi and Zwe are getting serious which makes my mother happy that her
son finally has someone in his life.

Mamzobe is getting her house in order which is amazing to see and as for Zothile he is trying
his best to mend broken fences and it's working with everyone else except my husband.

I doubt they will ever have a proper relationship he doesn't even want him near the kids.

I know Zothile is a monster but he really loves his grandchildren but then I do respect Ngwane's
decisions.

We finally have stability in our lives although it took long with the trio gracing us with their
presence.

I have been having difficulty with being a full time mother, wife and having to make sure my
house runs like a well oiled machine.

I don't know how many times I have had those tiny breakdowns in the toilet not because I don't
have any support well I have plenty of that, but because I would feel like a failure of a mother
and that only happened when Ngwane was away on business and I realised how much I needed
him.
The kids are amazing and if Mpande isn't biting on my nipple he's burping on them. And then
my angel Ngcebo he only cries when he can't see me or hear my voice and I have to peak in his
cot then he will show his gummy smile and I drown in his giggles.

Oh last but not least Babusisiwe daddy's princess Khanyile is a diva and has everyone wrapped
around her fingers.

I swear she loves and adores the attention so much and she's always on her father's chest
everywhere we go.

But my growing man well that's what he thinks and goes around telling people that he's a man. I
won't burst his bubble shame because he's such a good big brother and he helps around the
house.

With having to deal with all this I had to push the wedding to a much later stage and I had to
work ten times harder than the average person at the gym.

I mean Ngwane said he loves me regardless but I bet he loves me more now that I have shed off
the baby weight and I must say I look the part.

Eight months down the line and here we are getting married. I must be one lucky woman to get
lucky twice and to the same man.

I look at myself in the mirror and see the once 17 year old Nkanyezi whose life changed after
one night.

I want to cry but I don't want to ruin my makeup.

I feel my mother's hand on my shoulder and smile when she plants a kiss on my cheek.

"I am so proud of you" she says.

"What's wrong you don't seem so excited anymore" she says.

"I hope you're not planning on changing your mind not after we put in so much work" Lwandle
says..

"Don't even put that idea in her brain Ngwane will chop you up" Lwazi says..

"And Nyambose will assist" Zenkosi says.

"I am anything but not excited and I am happy that it's finally happening. I am finally getting
married mama and it's on my own free will" I say.

"You have been through so much you deserve to be happy Nkanyezi" Lwazi says.
"I haven't know you for that long but I see how much you love him and he does too" Zenkosi
says smiling at her baby girl Phiwayinkosi who has her hand up clearly enjoying her feed.

"Are you happy Nkanyezi" My mother asks and I am baffled where this is coming from.

"If someone were to ask me if my daughter is happy or not I would yes hell yes she's happy,but
because I am your mother I need to ask" she says

I look at the ladies and smile.

"I am happy mama so much" I say deeply exhaling.

"Good because your happiness comes first and I have seen how you stood by him even when I
hated his guts. I saw how strong you were for him and fought his battles honey he's lucky to
have you.

Please continue loving and respecting him and always invite God into your lives like I taught
you.

I love you and always remember you have a home with two parents who love you so much" she
says wiping her tears.

"Mama don't cry" I say.

"I am not these are tears of happiness" she says laughing.

I look to Lwazi's side and she's wiping her tears.

She's been my bestie from the day we met my ride or die. She was Qiniso's mother and father
when I couldn't pitch in and support my son..

I stand up and go to her side pulling her for a hug.

"I love you mana you will always be Qiniso's number one and my bestie" I say..

"This is different from the first one you have your own family now and I need to let go" she says.

"What never you are part of my family and Ngwane and I decide to make Godmother to the
trio" I whisper.

"You trust me that much" she says pulling away..

"I trust you with my life and that of my kids" I say.

"Enough you today we aren't crying but celebrating" Lwandle say blowing a kiss.

A knock comes through and Zibulo walks in followed by Ngwane who has Babu in his arm see
what I meant.

"Sorry ma we didn't know that you're here" Zibulo says.

"It's okay ndodana I will go check on your father nana he's probably worried about his walk
men" she says dramatically before closing the door behind her.

"Don't you two know it's bad luck to see the bride and shame on you Nathan Mthethwa for
dragging Ngwane here" Zenkosi says smiling.

I look at these two exchange looks and it's obvious they are head over heals in love with each
other.

"I think we should leave" Lwazi says.

I am soon left with Ngwane who hasn't said anything but just look at me.

Babu has her hands out making that "If you don't I will cry" look.

It's quite intimidating I tell you so I give in and kiss her plump cheeks going crazy over her
giggles.

I look at my handsome person smile.

"What's wrong" I ask putting Babu on my lap.

She pokes and pulls my robe wanting her breast but once she latches on she doesn't let go.

"Let me take her" he says and the small traitor goes willingly.

"She looks just like you" he says looking at Babu.

"Even if I leave this earth a part of me will always live on and you will never be alone" I say.

"Usuqalile lezinto zakho" he says.

Ngwane hates the idea of me dying as if I am immortal but we all know death is a part of us an
inevitable event.

"I am sorry" I say throwing a laugh in the mix

"You know I love you right" he says nervously.

"You changed your mind" I say softly.

"What! No I love you but if you're having doubts then I will understand" he says.

"Sthandwa sam I need to be sure there are no regrets" he says.

"We are doing this and you're not getting rid of me" I say.

He pulls me for a kiss and stands up walking to the door only to stand and stare back at me.

"Is that all Mr Khanyile because if that's the case then please excuse me my husband is waiting
for me" I say confidently.
He laughs and that laugh makes me weak in the knees, he's the one for Godsake and I just know
it.

"Nkanyezi" he says looking back at me.

"Yes" I say.

"No regrets" he says.

I shake me head smiling..

"I love you woman" he says..

"You do" I ask.

"With all of this" he says pointing to his heart.

"I love you more" I say.

"You look beautiful by the way" he says like he just remembered something.

"You are not bad yourself" I wink at him then blow a kiss.

The makeup crew talks my head off for smudging my face but that's what they get paid for right
to make me look extra.

My father walks in and the old man still has it no wonder my mother goes crazy over him.

"You are beautiful Mathwala" he says smiling.

I am wearing a tight fitting embroidered white gown that has an open back with a trail.

"Thank you baba" I say.

He takes my hand and kisses it..

"I am so proud of you" he says nodding his head..

I attack him with a hug not letting go.

"I love you baba and I want you to know that you will always be my dad no matter what. I am
you daughter you raised me and I love you and I will never stop" I say.

I hear him sniff and I know he needed to hear that but I needed to say it.

"I love you so much and you're right you will always be my little girl" he says.

I hook my arm around his as we walk to the open field, the fresh air hits my face as I close my
eyes letting it all in.
The place looks beautiful crystal chairs on either side of the aisle with a touch of white and white
lilies to complete the whole look.

The dam on this side makes the place look breathtaking and the wild flowers and greenery not
so far makes me realise we made the right choice by getting married here on the farm.

I see a piano on the side and my heart melts at the sight of Ngwane and Qiniso standing there
looking handsome.

'I'll fix the strings and play my part

I know the pain that's in your heart

I've tread the distance near or far

Just wanna be right where you are.

I know love has been stranger to you

Maybe I'm the one to change it for you

Won't be easy cause the lessons feel new but the writing's on the wall.

Love is easy, easy

So don't you make it hard

Can't you see me, see me, see me

Be easy with my heart.

All we got is here and now

Why won't you let your gaurd down

I'm just tryna show you how love is easy

So don't you make it hard.

I'll chase the wind,I'll face your dark

I'll make a wish upon your star

Although you're afraid I'll break your heart

Just let my hand erase your scars.

Oh take your time no need for rushing things

Baby don't you know that with me you're safe

The easy option is to run away

To hide from love oh baby what would it change

I been thinking 'bout some better days not to pressure all I'm saying is.

Love is easy, easy

So don't you make it hard

Can't you see me, see me,see me

Be easy with my heart.

All we got is here and now

Why won't you let your gaurd down

I'm just tryna show you love is easy

So don't you make it hard'

I feel my father's lips on cheeks and it's only now that I realise that he's handing me over to
Ngwane..

"Take care of my daughter Ngwane"he says shaking his hand.

Ngwane puts a hand over his eyes subtly wiping his tears my big baby is crying.

I look back to our guests and this is what I wanted a small ceremony between two people
shared with family and friends.

"Dear beloved we are gathered here to witness the love between Nkanyezi and Mthandeni
Khanyile" The pastor says.

"The young couple asked me to bless their union but also asked to say their own vows" he says.
"Mthandeni you may go first" he says.

Ngwane clears his throat and looks at me.

"Sthandwa sam,Bambolwami,Sbopho senhliziyo yam, Ma wez'ngane zam I love you" he says in a

shaky voice.

I see his hands shaking and I reach for them bringing them up to my lips.

"You've got this" I whisper.

"Going to that hotel that night I didn't know I would meet the love of my life but I did and I have
been the happiest man alive" He says.

"Mnyamande you are not just the mother of my kids but you're my life. I sometimes wake up at
night and look at you praying to God he doesn't take you away from me.

I am not a good man but you make me want to be one, they make me want to be a better man"
he says looking at our babies.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you but it must be something big because I don't see my life
without you in it.

You are the only woman who has my heart and I don't regret her having it.

The only woman whose snores don't scare me anymore and trust me muntu wam you're loud"
he says laughing wow talk about exposing.

"You the only woman who I want to spend the rest of my days with, the only woman I want to
wake up next to.

I love the way you look at me and the way you perfectly fit in arms like God created you there. I
love how you giggle and hide your face when I tease your french fies like alike toes and fingers"
I wipe my tears thinking he loves them and he knows it.

"You are beautiful inside and out and you have one of the most kindest and loving heart that
forgives and sees beyond.

I love you Nkanyezi and thank you for choosing me and for being the mother of my kids and
loving them and a part of me in them.

I love how you take care of us without getting tired" I laugh at the last part because these
people are messy.

"I promise to be the best husband, Dad and man you can be proud of. I promise to love you till
all the days of my life.

I love you Mnyamande" he says getting emotional.

"I would die for this woman bab' mfundisi" he says exhaling.

I hope he knows that if I look ugly it's all on him.

"I would die for you too mommy" Qiniso pipes up making our guests laugh.

"It won't come to that my son trust me" The pastor comments.

"That's was indeed beautiful and spoken like a truth man,Nkanyezi would you like to say
something" The man of God says.

"Ngwane" I say looking into his eyes.

"Your are handsome and sexy" The guests laugh and the pastor looks at me questionable. "I am
sorry but I had to get that out of the way" I say.

"I know a lot of people know you as many words some not nice but I know you as my husband
the father of my kids and my biggest supporter.

Today I am not marrying just any man but my best friend and confidante, I am marrying a man
who loves me and is my biggest cheerleader the only man my heart beats for.

I love you so much Ngwane that is scares me sometimes.

Not only are you an amazing father but a great husband too,I love how you love and protect us
without ceasing.

How you make me feel by just looking at me and telling me that I am your world.

I love how you stepped up the moment I came home and nursed ke back to health.

I love all of you Ngwane even those late night visits to the kitchen for that peanut butter and
jam sandwich of yours.

I love the man you are today the only man who has wiped my tears and soothed my pains more
times than I can count" I wipe my tears feeling overwhelmed.

"I know you say my heart is all that but we both know between the two of us yours is the
greatest.

You allowed me to heal your pain and soothe your scars and thank you for not shutting me out.

You are the first person I want to share any news with good or bad because in you I have
everything I need" Mpande starts crying and soon the whole squad is making noise.

Mama gives me Ngcebo and my baby quietens down and sighs calming down.

Ngwane take Babusisiwe and Mpande while Qiniso takes a stand next to me.

I look at my little family and my heart feels content this is it happiness.

"Baba are we done can we take pictures now" Qiniso asks.

I swear someone is ruining my child for me his mouth keeps shocking me.

"No mommy is not done" Ngwane says.

"Thank you for loving me and for waking up in the late and early hours of the night to attend to
the kids. I have so much to say but if I do this ladies will still you and I don't want" I say shaking
my head.

"No, we don't want that daddy" Qiniso says making me drop my mouth this child.

I laugh looking down on him.

"Ngwane I promise to love you and respect you for rest of my days. You no longer know your
mother's love only but that of your kids and mine too. Look at us because we are not going
anywhere we love you Ngwane so much

We started rough but baby now we're smooth" He shuts his eyes and smiles.

"This is beautiful and I wish you happiness in your marriage. What God has put together let no
man or woman break apart I know pronounce you husband, wife and kids you may kiss your
bride Ndodana" The man says.

Ngwane gives the kids to Msizi and Zibulo and pulls me for a lingering kiss and you would think
Ngcebo would remind of his presence but nothing.

"They also do this at home" My son says nodding his head making the guest laugh and cheer.

Mama and Mamzobe start singing and dancing with everyone joining in.

"This is it till death do us apart" he says taking Ngcebo.

"I will still love you even in the after life" I say.

I look around me then back at my man.

"If you wish to fulfil your dream and uproot just know the answer is yes" I say walking to the
ladies.

I look at him dance with his eyes on me if only he knew I would never look at another man the
way I do him.

Marriage is putting in the work and reaping the rewards and people don't realise that it's not
the big things that break us up but the little ones.

People don't change they adjust differently and with Ngwane I learnt that.
....End...

.....

It's been a good one but it has come to an end.

Your love and support has been amazing from the get go and thank you.

If there ever was a time I came across as insensitive to the rape matter it was never my intention.

I hope we all heal from whatever pain that riddles us.

Till we meet again in our new home I can't wait.

Nosipho Ngwenya