Class code: 223_71ENG610063_12

Student’s name: Đỗ Thị Ngọc Điệp

Peer editor’s name: Đới Nguyễn Bảo Trang
Date: 17/06/2023

WRITING ASSIGNMENT – LESSON 11

Unit: 8
Topic: 3

Some people think that parents have a great influence on their children. Others
believe that the media is a bigger influence.

• 1st draft

It is frequently argued that parents affect their children's behavior, while some
contend that media has a significant role in how they develop as people. This essay will
discuss both points of view and then I will give my perspective.

On the one hand, parents are the ones who gave birth to their children, and since they
are like their first teachers in life, they have a significant influence on them. This is why
relatives are so influential on children. Firstly, parents will make their children better if
they know how to educate their children and lead a completely healthy, non-negative
lifestyle. For example, better discipline will be practiced by children if parents instill the
habit of getting up early to exercise and eat breakfast, or when parents often help those
around them, their children will also learn how to love and respect others. On the
contrary, if parents have a bad character and do many wrong things, their kids will also
be affected in that negative direction. For instance, if your parents were social vices,
your upbringing will be marred by unpleasant memories, which will have a detrimental
impact on how you view life and society. Besides, parents are the closest people to their
children, so they will see and learn from their parents' good and bad sides.

On the other side, there are several arguments in favor of media having a greater
influence. Parents are unable to be at home with their kids 24/7, so media that appears
on television or a cellphone can lead them to believe incorrect information. For
example, if they watch a scary movie about killers or poor behavior by other children,
many things happen. If the youngster realizes that the conduct is false, they will know
how to avoid it or they will refrain from doing improperly when their parents are
absent.

In conclusion, parents have a significant impact on children's lives. However, the media
should also be considered as another element that shapes a child's character.

• Self-assessment (checklist)

• Peer assessment (checklist)

Content Y/N Comments/ Suggestions
Task Response
Does the essay contain at least 250 words? Y 334 words
Is the topic addressed in the introduction? Y
Does the thesis statement discuss both questions
Y
as required?
Is each of the paragraphs related to the topic? Y
Does the conclusion summarize the both views and
Y
give the author’s final opinion?
Coherence & Cohesion
Does the essay have an introduction, two body
Y
paragraphs, and a conclusion?
Is there a clear topic sentence in each paragraph? Y
Does the author include any relevant examples
and/or other supporting details (explanation, Y
reasons, etc.)?
Are there at least 4 transitional expressions used Firstly, For example, For
Y
correctly (First, Moreover, However, etc.)? instance, Besides, However, etc.
Lexical Resource
Has the question been paraphrased properly? Y
Does the author avoid repeating vocabulary? Y
Have spelling and word-choice errors been
Y
checked?
Does the author use academic vocabulary
Y
sufficiently?
Does the essay contain vocabulary specific to the
Y
topic?
Grammar Range and Accuracy
Does the author use a range of simple, compound,
Y
and complex sentences?
Have the verb tenses and subject-verb agreement
Y
been checked?
Has punctuation been used correctly? Y
Time management Y
Was the task completed within 40 minutes? N

• Final version

It is frequently argued that parents affect their children's behavior, while some
contend that media has a significant role in how they develop as people. This essay will
discuss both points of view and then I will give my perspective.

On the one hand, parents are the ones who gave birth to their children, and since they
are like their first teachers in life, they have a significant influence on them. This is why
relatives are so influential on children. Firstly, parents will make their children better if
they know how to educate their children and lead a completely healthy, non-negative
lifestyle. For example, better discipline will be practiced by children if parents instill the
habit of getting up early to exercise and eat breakfast, or when parents often help those
around them, their children will also learn how to love and respect others. On the
contrary, if parents have a bad character and do many wrong things, their kids will also
be affected in that negative direction. For instance, if your parents were social vices,
your upbringing will be marred by unpleasant memories, which will have a detrimental
impact on how you view life and society. Besides, parents are the closest people to their
children, so they will see and learn from their parents' good and bad sides.

On the other side, there are several arguments in favor of media having a greater
influence. Parents are unable to be at home with their kids 24/7, so media that appears
on television or a cellphone can lead them to believe incorrect information. For
example, if they watch a scary movie about killers or poor behavior by other children,
many things happen. If the youngster realizes that the conduct is false, they will know
how to avoid it or they will refrain from doing improperly when their parents are
absent.
 In conclusion, parents have a significant impact on children's lives. However, the media
should also be considered as another element that shapes a child's character.

• Rubric for grading

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