Pump Boys and Dinettes A Country Music Review by John Foley Mark Hardwick Debra Monk Cass Morgan John Schimmel Jim Wann [BSincrr anc Acie ios | SAMUELFRENCH.COMIMPORTANT ADVERTISING NOTE ALL producers of PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES shall an- nounce the names of John Foley, Mark Hardwick, Debra Monk, Cass Morgan, John Schimmel, and Jim Wann as original authors/composers of the play on all programs, posters, and other paid advertising matter under the producers? control. The credit to the authors/composers shall be not less than fifty per- Cent (50%) of the size of type used for the title of the play. Said billing shall appear on separate lines following the title of the lay and shall be in the following form: (Name of Producer) Presents PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES Conceived and written by JOHN FOLEY MARK HARDWICK DEBRA MONK CASS MORGAN JOHN SCHIMMEL JIM WANN Original stage production by Dodger Productions, Printed in U.S.A (ISBN 0573 681767MUSICAL NUMBERS ACTI “Highway 57". Wann)... “ “Taking It Slow” (J. Foley, M. Hardwick, J. Schimmel, J. Wann) «1... “Serve Yourself” (J. Wann)... “Menu Song” (C, Morgan and Monk) “The Best Man” (J. Wann) in) “Fisherman's Prayer" (J.Wann) .... “Caifish” (5. Wann and B. Simpson) “Mamaw” (J. Wann) “Be Good or Be Gone” (J. Wann) “Drinkin’ Shoes” (M. Hardwick, C. Morgan, D. Monk)... 00... ceecee ACT IL “Pump Boys" (J. Wana) . “Mona” (J. Wann) 7 .D.P.W.A.M.” (J. Wann) ..- ips” (D. Monk and C. Morgan) “Sister” (C. Morgan) ..... “Vacation” (J. Wann). “No Holds Barred” (J, Wann and C. Morgan) . “Farmer Tan” (J. Wann) z “Highway $7” Reprise (J. Wann) -. “Closing Time” (J. Wann) ...... “Greatest Hits" (Medley) = 2.PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES was conceived and written by John Foley, Mark Hardwick, Debra Monk, Cass Morgan, John Schimmel and Jim Wann with scenery by Doug Johnson and Christopher Nowak, costumes by Patricia MeGourty, lighting by Fred Buchholz and sound by Bill Dreisbach. It was presented ‘by Dodger Productions, Louis Busch Hager, Marilyn Strauss, Kate Studley, Warner Theaire Productions Inc., and Max ‘Weitzenhoffer at the Colonnades Theatre, NYC, October 1, 1981 and subsequently moved to the Princess’ Theatre on February 4, 1982, CAST OF CHARACTERS Jackson (Lead Guitar) ... L.M. (Piano/ Accordian) Prupie Cupp (Percussion) . Ruerra Curr (Percussion) ‘Eppig (Bass) Jne (Rhythm, ‘Tae Tum: the present ‘Tur Ptace: Highway 57 — somewhere between Frog Level and ‘Smyrna, ‘The original production (off-off Broadway) was staged and per- formed concert style (with standing mikes) where the piano defined the gas station and the counter defined the diner.STAGING NOTES ‘The stage is divided into two halves. L.M. and JIM's gas station is SR. and the Double Cupp Diner is S... There are billboards on either side of the stage. In the gas station is an upright piano with an open / closed sign (on it and a beat up old office chair. The upright bass stores in the phone booth, ‘The diner counter and four stools are a castered unit with a pivot point atthe 8.t. end. During half-hour cast members are free to appear onstage ‘uning instruments, checking props, reading newspapers, et ‘The Pump Boys can go into the diner for coffee. The Dinettes can pay a visit to the gas station. All the while right up until the scripted show begins, prerecorded country music should be playing. Conversation is fine, but should not be milked or projected. It is not the intention of the authors that the activity onstage be played for the audience. The purpose of the pre-show, aside from the obvious prop checking and instrument tuning, is to establish a very casual and relaxed atmogphere, and to blur the line between hanging out and performance mode. We are casing into the show.Pump Boys and Dinettes ACT ONE (When the stage manager has received word from the house ‘manager that the audience is all in, the phone in the gas station should ring. A cast member should answer it, and whomever is onstage should exit, leaving the stage empty for a few moments. At ‘places’, everyone walks onstage. LM. sits at the piano. PRUDIE and RHETTA cross 10 the diner. JACKSON, JIM and EDDIE put on their instruments. JIM and EDDIE— who has the air freshener card turned away from the audience—walk D8. and the prerecorded music fades.) iM. Good evening. When all of ya'll came into the theatre tonight, you got tickets to sce the show. I want to tell you that those tickets serve a double purpose. They are also chances for the Pump Boys raffle. Now, afer intermission, we're going to be raffling off (EDDIE mrs the card around.) an ait freshener! ‘That's right. And if you should be the lucky winner, you have your choice—Christmas, skunk, or bikini. Whatever you want. So hang on to those tickets. HIGHWAY 57 JM. HIGHWAY 37, PLACE WHERE I WAS BORN RIGHT DOWN THE ROAD APIECE TO THE SOUND OF A CAR HORN GOT NO USE FOR THE BIG TOWN, TOO MANY STRINGS ATTACHED TO STRINGS I BELONG TO THE HIGHWAY AND WHAT THE HIGH- WAY BRINGS. 78 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 1 RUN THIS GAS STATION WITH MY PARTNER L.M. BEEN NINE YEARS TOGETHER, THATS HIM WE CALL OURSELVES THE PUMP BOYS, L.M. AND JIM (spoken:) Say somethin’ LLM. M. WELL WE'VE HAD OUR UPS AND DOWNS, BUT IT’S ALL RIGHT WORKING WITH JIM Dinertes. COME ON IN JIM, WHAT YOU SAY L.M.? L.M./Jine: HOW ’BOUT SOME COFFEE, YOU MAKE IT SO GOOD ‘DINETTES. NOW BOYS, HAVE YOU BEEN EATING LIKE YOU SHOULD? LM./In4, WE AIN'T BEEN TO THE DINER IN A DAY OR TWO. Diverres. YOU GOT BEHIND ON YOUR BARBECUE L.M./Jim, That's true. Jn, THAT'S PRUDIE AND RHETTA CUPP, SISTERS WITH ‘A MENU TO FILL A MAN UP. THEIR DOUBLE CUPP DINER. Dinerres. DOUBLE CUPP! In IS HOME-COOKED HEAYEN. Diners. SUNDAY BREAKFAST, SIX TO ELEVEN Jn, IT'S RIGHT ACROSS FROM THE PUMP BOYS ON HIGH- WAY 57 (lead guitar break) JACKSON. CALL ME JACKSON, | PUMP WITH GOOD SPEED AND ILL GET YOU ANYTHING YOU NEED (bass break) JACKSON. NOW EDDIE'S EDSEL IS ABOUT HALF GONEPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 9 WHEN | GET HIM SOME NEW CAR PARTS HE’LL BE MOVING ON Au. DOWN THE HIGHWAY Pump Boys. NO REGRETS Dinertes. DOWN THE HIGHWAY, NO REGRETS ALL HIGHWAY 57 Puup Boys. PUMP BOYS DINETTES. AND DINETTES Dimertes. Pomp Bors. WE'RE HERE TO SERVE FILL 'ER UP YOU YOU WON'T HAVE TO CHECK UNDER THE WAIT HOOD ALL PURPOSE MENU CARD OR CASH EVERYTHING IS GOOD AL. A FULL TANK AND A FULL BELLY, ENERGY DUET L.M./PauDE, DUET Jim & Ruerta, I'S THE BEST YET Jackson/ Prune. PLACE ALL BETS ALL. ON HIGHWAY 57 Pomp Boys. PUMP BOYS Divertes, AND DINETTES. MEET THE PUMP BOYS Au. MEET THE DINETTES (L.M. turns the OPEN/CLOSED sign around. JACKSON and EDDIE underscore the following with “Highway 57” vamp until phone rings.) Jn, Thank you and welcome to Highway 57. Now we've all10 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES lived around here for a long time and we've developed a Philosophy of life. Here's how it goes— Work won't kill you but worry will. Yeah, worry is like a rocking chair, gives you some thing to do but it don’t get you nowhere. IacKSON. That's right. (PRUDIE makes the kitchen timer in her hand ring.) Dinettes. Oh! The pies! Prupie. We gotta 0. RHETTA, Well be right back. (DINETTES go behind counter.) Jin, Well see y'all later. Jackson, Bye-bye girls. ‘Jum. Y’now sometimes the best thing about working is that it szives you something to look forward to. JACKSON. Yeah, like not working. (phone rings) Int. Scuse me. (into phone) Pump Boys—Oh, hi Uncle Bob. (to JACKSON) He wants to know when his vehicle is gonna be ready? Jackson. Yeah, that’s that Winnebago; needs a new valve job. LM. It’s up on some blocks out back Ji, Oh yeah, the Winnebago on blocks. JACKSON. He wants to know when it’s gonna be ready does he? Jim, When's it gonna be ready? JACKSON, Ready? TAKIN’ IT SLOW Jnu/Tackson/L.M. MAYBE NEXT WEEK, MAYBE COULD BE LONGER, IT'S HARD TO TELL GOT TO GO SLOW WITH A REBUILT WINNEBAGO TAKES TIME TO DO THE JOB WELL Jn JACKSON JACKSON. Yeah? dim. ABOUT THIS JOB WE GOT TO HELP UNCLE BOB WE COULD WORK TOO FAST—REPAIR MIGHT NOT LAST.PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES u Jnu/ JAcKson/L.M. TAKIN’ IT SLOW WE GOT TO KEEP ON TAKIN’ IT SLOW WELL I BEEN THERE BEFORE AND I GOT THERE TAKIN’ IT SLOW JACKSON. JIM Ina. Uh-huh? WE DON'T KNOW WHY THAT VEHICLE WONT GO BENEFICIAL ALTERATION REQUIRES OBSERVATION Jnw/JacKson/L.M. TAKIN IT SLOW WE GOT TO KEEP ON TAKIN’ IT SLOW WELL I BEEN THERE BEFORE AND I GOT THERE TAKIN’ IT SLOW (piano soto) Jnt/Jackson/L.M. EDDIE'S EDSEL, HE COULDN'T GET IT TO START HE BEGAN TO WORRY, AND GOT IN A HURRY AND PUT IN VOLKSWAGEN PARTS (bass solo) Jnu/JAcKsON/L.M. ‘TAKIN IT SLOW WE GOT TO KEEP ON TAKIN’ IT SLOW WELL I BEEN THERE BEFORE AND I GOT THERE TAKIN IT SLOW TAKIN’ IT SLOW WE GOT TO KEEP ON TAKIN’ IT SLOW WELL | BEEN THERE BEFORE AND I GOT THERE TAKIN’ IT SLOW (L.M. hangs up phone on last beat of song, DINETTES move fo stools, with fans.) Jn One of the best things about working at this station is that women drive right up and talk to us. Now generally Jackson ‘gets to'em first. Some of them call him Lover Boy. (JACKSON salutes.) Now me, P'm kind of a friendly guy and some women2 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES will ike a friendly guy (JIM and RHETTA wave at each other.) ‘But Jet me tell you about Eddic. One time this Hollywood actress drove up in a Maserati, took Eddie away for a whole week. (ED- DIE plays o bass glissando.) But by and large, most of the ‘women seem to gravitate towards L.M. (IM. looks at audience. CAST looks at L.M.) Now, you think he likes this? Hell no, it only makes him suspicious. SERVE YOURSELF LM. STAYED UP ALL NIGHT WORKING ON THE BOOKS ‘YOU DRIVE UP THIS MORNING GIVE ME ONE OF YOUR LOOKS YOUR TANK IS EMPTY YOU NEED SOME AIR WOMAN ‘THE HOSE IS OVER THERE SERVE YOURSELF, YOU CAN SERVE YOURSELF YOU SERVE YOURSELF BETTER THAN YOU SERVE ME (DINETTES begin to fan themselves to music.) YOU GOT ME STARTED THEN YOU RAN ME AROUND GOT ME UNDER YOUR HOOD THEN YOU SLAMMED IT DOWN I COULD BE LYING IN YOUR TRUNK FOR ALL YOU CARE WELL I MAY BE A RETREAD BUT I AIN'T NO SPARE SERVE YOURSELF, YOU CAN SERVE YOURSELF YOU SERVE YOURSELF BETTER THAN YOU SERVE ME LUBE JOB, I AVOID TAINT YOUR STARTER OR YOUR SOLENOIDPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 3 YOU'RE OVERHEATING AND YOU STILL WANT MORE 1 AIN'T GEARED FOR FOUR ON THE FLOOR, (ead guitar solo) YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I RECOMMEND FOR THAT SHIMMY IN YOUR REAR END I SAY, FIND MR. GOODWRENCH ASK HIM: ‘CAUSE YOU'VE GOTTEN ALL YOU'RE GONNA GET FROM MR. LM. SERVE YOURSELF, YOU CAN SERVE YOURSELF’ YOU SERVE YOURSELF BETTER THAN YOU SERVE ME ‘SERVE YOURSELF, YOU CAN SERVE YOURSELF YOU SERVE YOURSELF BETTER BETTER BETTER THAN YOU SERVE ME (RHETTA crosses v.c. PRUDIE gets pies. JIM and JACKSON ‘cross 10 diner.) Ruzrra, Now maybe sometimes you might want to drive up to a gas station and serve yourself. But that isthe last thing you want to do when you come into a diner. You wanna set down, you want somebody to talk real nice to you—Hey Jackson. JACKSON. Hey Rhetta Ruetra, And you want somebody to serve you. (PRUDIE shows pies.) Well, here at the Double Cupp me and Prudie are real proud of our service, we're real proud of our coffee, but we are especially proud of our pie, See, we always try to have plenty of pie. In fact, we're famous for it. The boys at the station can’t Bet enough of our pic. MENU SONG RuETTA, Goop FoopD14 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES PRUDE. AND ATMOSPHERE Dinerres. WE GOT SWEET POTATO FRIES AND HOME MADE BEER RueTTA, SPOON BREAD PRUDIE. BUTTER BEANS AND CORN Dinertss. YOU'VE BEEN LIVING ON THEM SINCE YOU WERE, BORN Y'ALL COME DOWN TO THE DOUBLE CUPP YOU'LL WANT EVERYTHING YOU SEE YALL COME DOWN TO THE DOUBLE CUPP WHERE THE SECOND CUP’S ON ME. WE GOT PECAN PIE AND BISCUITS FRESH FISH FROM OVER YONDER COME ON DOWN TO THE DOUBLE CUPP WHERE YOU KNOW WE'LL TREAT YOU NICE YOU COME DOWN WE'LL FILL YOU UP IT'S A HIGHWAY 57 PARADISE Paupis. Cheese grits. RHETTA. How "bout some barbecue? Dinerres. MY SIS AND I WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU Ruerta, You want some suesotash? Prupie. Cup of soup to start? Dmerres, OUR MENU IS THE ROAD MAP TO YOUR HEART WE KEEP THE WHOLE PLACE SPIC AND SPAN, BY SCRUBBING IT ON OUR KNEES WE WASH OUR HANDS BEFORE WE LEAVE THE RESTROOM IF YOU PLEASE WE MAKE PANCAKES AND FRY THE STEAKS TO GRANDMA'S RECIPES WE KNEAD THE DOUGH AND EVEN GROW OUR OWN TURNIP GREENS RHETTA, ITS 4 AM Paupie. Y'all still awake?PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 1s Dinerres. COME ON DOWN TO THE DOUBLE CUPP AND WATCH US BAKE Ruerta. HOT BREAD Prupi, DOUGHNUTS AND PIES Dinerrss, MAY YOUR STOMACH ALWAYS BE BIGGER THAN YOUR EYES Y'ALL COME DOWN THE DOUBLE CUPP YOU'LL WANT EVERYTHING YOU SEE. Y'ALL COME DOWN TO THE DOUBLE CUPP WHERE THE SECOND CUP'S ON ME WE GOT PECAN PIE AND BISCUITS FRESH FISH FROM OVER YONDER COME ON DOWN TO THE DOUBLE CUPP WHERE YOU KNOW WE'LL TREAT YOU NICE YOU COME DOWN, WE'LL FILL YOU UP IT'S A HIGHWAY 57 PARADISE Diverres AND Pump Boys. COME ON DOWN TO THE DOUBLE CUPP WHERE YOU KNOW WE'LL TREAT YOU NICE YOU COME DOWN WE'LL FILL YOU UP IT'S A HIGHWAY 57 PARADISE Paupe. Thank you. Well by now you've probably figured it ‘out. If you come to visit us on the highway you can eat and you can get gas. RUETTA, Or you can just e Pare. That's right Rhetta, or you can just get gas, whatever Yall want. (RHETTA crosses us.t. behind counter.) But y'know, there's something else that’s really special about the highway, and well, that’s our men. Yeah, we have ourselves whole bunch of good looking (She looks at JACKSON.), able- bodied (She /ooks ar J1M.), virile (She looks a EDDIE:), Sexy men (She looks at L.M.). Uh-huh, Not only that, but on this lit- tle stretch of the highway where we are . . . two men to every one woman. Show 'em Rhetta honey (RHETTA shows the au- dience.) Now, y'all go up to Smyrna. That’s a little town about fifteen miles up the road right up here. You drop right into ‘Smyrna . . . three men to every one woman. Now most of them16 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES are inbreds, but I’m talking facts and figures here and that’s just a whole bunch of men. Now I'm personally interested in all of this stuff because I'm looking for the best man. Oh! And | gotta say right now, an honorable mention for best man has got to go to Eddie, our bass player. (EDDIE joins PRUDIE b.s.) Let’s hear it for Eddie yall, He almost made it, but, well, he's from ‘Smyrna. Yeah, I'm sorry about that darlin’, However, the best man is here. Somwhere in this room right now is the best man, BEST MAN Prupie. YOU'RE THE BEST MAN FOR MILES AROUND. ‘THE BEST IN SIX COUNTIES YOU'RE JESSE JAMES COME BACK TO LIFE YOU'RE CAPTAIN OF THE MOUNTIES YOU'RE ALL THEY SAY, YOU'RE JUST THAT GOOD AND A RIGHTEOUS KIND OF BAD YOU'RE THE BEST MAN NEVER HAD, YOU'RE THE BEST MAN I NEVER HAD YOU GOT AN EASY WAY WITH A SEARCHING LOOK THAT MAKES MY SECRETS TINGLE IT PUTS MY EMOTIONS INTO PLAY 1 WANT OUR LOVES TO MINGLE IF YOU WOULD ONLY WANT ME TOO OH, I WOULD BE SO GLAD YOU'RE THE BEST MAN I NEVER HAD, YOU'RE THE BEST MAN I NEVER HAD Prupig, wits RHETT. BUT OH, SWEETHEART, IT'S TOO UNFAIR TO MAKE ME WAIT FOREVER, WHEN I KNOW YOU CARE BUT SO SLOW YOU CARE PRUDIE. 1 USED TO HAVE A CRUSH ON A TV STAR TILL HE GOT INTO MOVIES ONCE I WENT OUT WITH A GUY WITH A VAN THAT BELONGED TO THE FLAMIN’ GROOVIES, BUT HE RAN OFF WITH A BURGER QUEENPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 7 AND I WAS OH SO MAD BUT YOU'RE THE BEST MAN I NEVER HAD Paupie with RHETTA. YOU'RE THE BEST MAN I NEVER HAD YOU'RE THE BEST MAN I NEVER HAD | NEVER HAD Jus, Prudie Cupp—she's somethin’ and her sister Rhetta Cupp—she’s something else. Now you would think a guy with brains in his head would not forget that he had a date with Rhetta Cupp. Jackson. Yeah, Jim, that's what I would think. Int, Last week, I was going to take her and her two boys to the ballgame. (PRUDIE crosses to behind Counter, as L.M, plays baseball music on accordion.) Opening Day at Frog Level, it was a twi-night double header: Frog Level Fighting Frogs vs. ‘The Smyrna Close Encounters. (£.M. plays “Charge!” on ac- cordion.) Yeah, Rhetta was really looking forward to it, But y'know that afternoon the postman came up the road with some- thing we'd been looking forward to a longer time and it changed everything. This year’s fishing license. (PUMP BOYS put on Sishing hats.) FISHERMAN'S PRAYER Jo. 1 WAS LURED BY THE MOON TO THE COAST OF CAROLINA 1 WAS HOOKED BY THE CRYSTAL MOTEL I FLOPPED OUT ON THE NIGHT FISHING PIER WHERE I SURVIVED IN A BUCKET OF BEER FOUR DOZEN FISHIN’ POLES ROSE AND FELL IN THE SWELLS WHERE THE BLUEFISH AND MACKEREL DWELL IN THE SWELLS WHERE THE KING MACKEREL DWELLS. (DINETTES start setting percussion.) fadding) Tacksow, OH, THE LIGHTNING CRACKED OPEN THE DARK MIDNIGHT OCEAN AND THE WIND RAISED HELL WITH THE LINES18 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES AND THE THUNDERSTORM POURED AND DROVE US. INDOORS. ‘TO THE PINBALL AND MORE BALLANTINE'S Jos. AND THE WEE HOURS PASSED, FACES PRESSED TO THE GLASS AND SOME GAVE UP AND WENT ON BUT THE FAITHFUL THEY STAYED, AND DRANK AS THEY PRAYED ‘THAT IN THE MORNING THE STORM WOULD BE GONE (adding) JAcKsON/L.M. OH, WE DRANK AS WE PRAYED AND PRAYED AS WE DRANK AND THE MONSOON SEEMED NOTHING BY THEN AND THE DEPUTIES CAME TO PUT TWO IN THE TANK AND THEY FLOUNDERED OFF INTO THE WIND Sint. NOW SOME FOLKS OUT THERE SPEND THEIR WHOLE LIVES IN PRAYER. GOOD LUCK HAS GOT TO COME FROM SOMEWHERE WE IMBIBED TO THE DREGS ON WOBBLY LEGS AND PRAYED THIS FISHERMAN'S PRAYER Jim, Let us bow our heads. Ine/Tacxsow/L.M GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO GET UP AT DAWN HELP ME GET OUT OF BED GIVE ME THE VISION TO FIND MY ROD AND REEL SHOW ME THE RIGHTEOUS WAY TO MY SHOES PARDON THE PATH I TREAD. BLESS © LORD THY FISH, MY EVENING MEAL CATFISH aim, WELL IT'S SPRINGTIME CAROLINA GOING FISHING ON THE RIVER | DON'T WANT NO BREAM OR CRAPPIE ONLY ONE THING THAT MAKES ME HAPPY IS CATFISH, ON MY LINE, CATFISH, TASTE SO FINE CATFISH, ALL NIGHT LONG, CATFISH, WHAT I WANTPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES ty JACKSON. OLD MAN BASS HIT PRETTY GOOD, THAT AIN'T NO SURPRISE ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE CATFISH JUST TO MAKE MY NATURE RISE Im. WHEN IT’S MIDNIGHT, WE'LL BE COOKING IN THE MOONLIGHT, NOBODY LOOKING WELL THERE'S ONLY ONE KIND OF FISH I CHASE THE ONE WITH THE MOUSTACHE ON HIS FACE Inw/ Jackson. LWANT CATFISH ON MY LINE: CATFISH TASTE SO FINE CATFISH ALL NIGHT LONG: CATFISH WHAT I WANT (DINETTE percussion solo with pots and pans) Ine/ Jackson. 1 WANT CATFISH Jn, ON MY LINE: Jim/IACKSON. CATFISH In TASTE SO FINE Jit/ JACKSON. CATFISH Jos. ALL NIGHT LONG: JiW/ JACKSON. CATFISH J. WHAT I WANT (DINETTE percussion solo with pots and pans; diner pivots D.S.) Juw/JAcKson. 1 WANT CATFISH Sm. ON MY LINE~» PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES JaW/ JACKSON. CATFISH Joe. TASTE SO FINE Tua/TacKson. CATFISH Jn. ALL NIGHT LONG Jnu/ JACKSON. CATFISH Jn WHAT I WANT. Jin/SACKSON. CATFISH Jim, ON MY LINE Inw/Jacson. CATFISH Jo. TASTE SO FINE JEW JACKSON. CATFISH sms, ALL NIGHT LONG ‘Jim/IAcKsoN. CATFISH Jos. WHAT I WANT, NOW Jin/ Jackson. CATFISH Jn, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! Juw/Tacksow, CATFISH In. THAT'S MY FISH! JBW/ JACKSON. CATFISH Ju. SO DELISH! Sow JACKSON, CATFISH CATFISH!PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES a Jn4, When 1 was growing up there was one person who could cook fish better than anybody else~my grandmama, Often as not itd just be a little perch or something we'd take out of a pond but she always had @ way of making it seem like a big din- ner. MAMAW Jn YOU NEVER LACKED FOR NOTHING AND YOU KEPT ME THE SAME I WAS A CHILD AND YOU WERE GROWING OLD MAMA LET YOU LOVE ME AND YOU STAKED YOUR CLAIM 1 WAS A CHILD IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD. I HEARD YOU ONCE DRANK SOME WHISKEY AND YOU LET ME FALL I COULDN'T BEEN MORE'N A YEAR OLD. AFTER THAT YOU DIDN'T TOUCH NO WHISKEY AT ALL 1 WAS A CHILD IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD ON A WINTER HILLSIDE WE ALL RECITE THE SCRIP- TURES OF BELIEF MY BROTHER'S STANDING BY MY SIDE, HIS SHOULDERS ARE SHAKING IN HIS GRIEF FOR MAMAW __ MAMAW GOD HAS MANY MANSIONS OR SO I'M TOLD 1 WAS A CHILD IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD 1 GOT THE NEWS BY MESSAGE ON THE STATION PHONE MOTHER OF MY MOTHER, SHE WAS GRANDPA'S BRIDE THEY NEEDED ME BESIDE THEM, SAYING “LIFE GOES ON" ‘THE LOVE SHE GAVE US, IT WILL ABIDE (ON A WINTER HILLSIDE I POUR OUT NOW A FOUNTAIN OF MY GRIEF MY BROTHER'S STANDING BY MY SIDE, PASSING THROUGH US THERE IS ONE BELIEF INMAMAW MAMAW IS YOUR SOUL AT HOME NOW WITHIN THE FOLD? TWAS A CHILD IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD2 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES DIDNT YOU FIND MY SHERIFF'S BADGE WHEN I WAS DIDN'T YOU LET ME DRIVE YOUR CAR WHEN I WAS ELEVEN AND A HALF? DIDN'T WE LAUGH, DIDN'T WE LAUGH, DIDN'T WE LAUGH? GRANDPA GETS UP AND MAMA HELPS HIM STAND IT’S HIT HER SO HARD SHE CAN'T TALK EVERYONE MOVES OFF AS IF BY SILENT COMMAND OH LORD, WHAT A LONESOME ROAD TO WALK ON A WINTER HILLSIDE TWO GRAVEDIGGERS LOUNGE UPON THE LAWN ‘THEY WAIT THERE SO POLITELY TILL THE LAST ONE IN THE FAMILY ISGONE MAMAW MAMAW THERE'S A CHANGE IN THE LIGHT, AND NOW THE DAY GROWS OLD WAS A CHILD IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD GOD HAS MANY MANSIONS OR SO I'M TOLD 1 WAS A CHILD IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD MAMAW =MAMAW = MAMAW Jum. Thank you. I still got one catfish left over from that trip. (JIM beckons to RHETTA.) Now these days, the person who cooks it up the best is Rhetta Cupp. Hey Rhetta. Ruta. (crossing over to JIM) Hey yourself. Tell me some- thing, Jim, how come you think you can forget all about our date and then expect me to cook that litle fish? BE GOOD OR BE GONE Ruerta, YOU WENT OUT FOR A LITTLE FUN I KNOW THE BARS ALL CLOSE AT ONE THE MORNING SUN AND I ARE TRUE IT’S TIME TO MAKE IT DAWN ON YOU. BE GOOD OR BE GONE, I BEEN GOOD TOO LONG TO BE DONE WRONG, SO BE GOOD OR BE GONE BE GOOD OR BE GONE, I BEEN GOOD TOO LONG TO BE DONE WRONG, SO BE GOOD OR BE GONEPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 2B YOU'RE A MEAN MISTREATER, AN OLD FIRE EATER A BUNDLE OF LOW DOWN CHARM BUT I CAN'T GET USED TO YOUR BEING SUCH A ROOSTER I WASN'T BORN ON A FARM I'VE GOT A STANDARD OF LIVING THAT DEMANDS YOUR GIVING ME EVERYTHING I'M GIVING TO YOU | KNOW WHAT I'M MISSING ,.. SO DARLING, YOU BETTER LISTEN BE GOOD OR BE GONE, I BEEN GOOD TOO LONG TO BE DONE WRONG, SO BE GOOD OR BE GONE BE GOOD OR BE GONE LIKE A WILD GOOSE, A.NO-HOMING PIGEON, I'LL BE TURNING YOU LOOSE YOU CAN FLY TO THE EAST, YOU CAN SOAR TO THE. WEST BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE FOR ‘YOUR NEST (viano solo) ‘YOU'RE AN OLD WILD TURKEY AND YOU BEEN LURKING . WHERE TURKEYS ARE EASY TO FLUSH BUT I DON'T HAVE A SHOTGUN, AND YOU KNOW I'M NOT ONE TO WANDER OUT IN THE BRUSH I'M GONNA TAKE A STAND ON MY OWN PATCH OF LAND AND I'LL POST YOUR NAME ON A SIGN I'M GONNA HANG IT HIGH AND PROUD. NO TURKEYS ALLOWED. BE GOOD OR BE GONE, I BEEN GOOD TOO LONG TO BE DONE WRONG, SO BE GOOD OR BE GONE BE GOOD OR BE GONE, I BEEN GOOD TOO LONG TO BE DONE WRONG, SO BE GOOD OR BE GONE BE GOOD OR BE GONE BE GOOD OR BE GONE BE GOOD OR BE GONE YOU BETTER BE GOOD OR GONEm4 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES Ruerta. Thank you. I'm glad to hear that y’all agree with me. (She waiks away.) Jn. (holding rose) | got this for you. (L.M. plays romantic, schmaitzy music. RHETTA takes the rose and smells it.) Oh no, you feel it. RuBTTA. Oh yeah, this is made out of silk, Jim, That's so ir'l last forever. Ruerta. Oh. Thanks. (She walks away.) Jn, Rhetta, Fil clean up all the beer cans in my car if you'll go out with me. Ruetta. Ohbhhhh, I'm gonna go think about it. (DINETTES cross behind counter and put on tap shoes and Janey aprons.) DRINKIN’ SHOES Jackson. WELL I BEEN WORKING ALL DAY AND MAN IM, ALMOST DONE. 1GOT TO HEAD OUT ON THE HIGHWAY AND HAVE ME SOME FUN, IF THAT SOUNDS GOOD TO YOU, THEN ALL YOU GOT To DO 1S PUT ON YOUR DRINKIN’ SHOES Jing. THEY GOT A JUKEBOX OVER AT WILL’S PLACE WITH ALL THE HITS HE DON'T LIKE TO TURN NOBODY AWAY, SO EVERYBODY FITS IF THAT SOUNDS GOOD TO YOU, THEN ALL YOU GOT TO DOIS PUT ON YOUR DRINKIN’ SHOES Jin/Jackson/L.M. PUT ON YOUR DRINKIN’ SHOES FORGET YOUR DON'TS AND DO'S IF YOU CAN FOLLOW THAT, THEN GRAB YOUR PARTY HAT AND TIE ON THOSE DRINKIN’ SHOES Diverres. AT WILL’S PLACE YOU'RE GONNA RUN INTO EVERYBODY YOU KNOWPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 25 THERE'S L.M. IN THE CORNER WITH A BOTTLE OF ‘CUERVO GOLD HE BROKE THE RECORD LAST WEEK BUT HE'S STILL ON HIS FEET CAUSE HE'S GOT ON HIS DRINKIN’ SHOES ALL. PUT ON YOUR DRINKIN’ SHOES FORGET YOUR DON'TS AND DO'S. IF YOU CAN FOLLOW THAT, THEN GRAB YOUR PARTY HAT. AND TIE ON THOSE DRINKIN’ SHOES (instrumental break: LM. (with tap shoes & accordion), PRUDIE and RHETTA perform a tap dance.) L.M./Dmvertes. WHEN IT'S FIVE A.M. AND ALMOST TIME TO SWEEP THE FLOOR WE LIKE TO GO OUT FOR BREAKFAST AND COME BACK WHEN THEY OPEN THE DOOR IF THAT SOUNDS GOOD TO YOU, THEN ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS PUT ON YOUR DRINKIN’ SHOES Au, PUT ON YOUR DRINKIN’ SHOES FORGET YOUR DON'TS AND DO'S DON'T LET THE BEER GO FLAT, DON'T MISS YOUR TURN AT BAT PUT ON YOUR DRINKIN’ SHOES (L.M., PRUDIE and RHETTA perform a second tap dance.) L.M./Dinerres. PUT ON YOUR DRINKIN’ SHOES, FORGET YOUR DON'TS AND DO'S DONT LET THE BEER GO FLAT, DON'T MISS YOUR TURN AT BAT PUT ON THOSE DRINKIN’, PUT ON THOSE DRINKIN’ GET ON THOSE DRINKIN’, GET ON THOSE DRINKIN’ TIE ON THOSE DRINKIN’, TIE ON THOSE DRINKIN’ OES!%6 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES (L.M. crosses to piano; DINETTES get pies and cross back D.s.) Dinettes. (jive-chanting) Now you don't need any shoes ‘To eat some pie and drink some booze We're gonna take fifteen and be back on the scene For PUMP BOYS—DINETTES PART TWO. (DINETTES tap offstage; PUMP BOYS finish musical tag and exit while house lights are coming up.)ACT TWO (At the top of Act Two everyone walks onstage. L.M. crosses 0 the piano; the DINETTES cross to the diner. JIM, after putting his instrument on, and EDDIE— who has the air Sreshener card and the hat with tickets— walk p.s.) Jn. Alright folks! It’s time for the raffle. Yeah! Now re- member, your ticket for the show is your ticket for the raffle— so go ahead and get out those tickets—and while you're doing that we're gonna explain a litte bit more about the raffle. Now this here's Eddie. You all remember Eddie, Eddie is our legal ad- visor, he’s had some legal training at night over to Smyrna Ever ing College and he'll be officiating at the raffle. Now, like 1 said before, if you should be the iueky winner, you have your choice of (EDDIE turns the air-freshener card around.) Christmas, skunk, the unknown model or Betty Lee Bivens. We know Bett Lec, she was a Dinette before she went into show business, Doin’ real good too. Well, 1 guess that about covers it. (40 L.M.) Maestro (L.M. plays while EDDIE pulls the winning ticket out Of the hat.) Ete. Row __ Scat __ Jaw, Row Seat _ (L.M, plays victory music. Once the winner is located he or she is escorted up to the stage where EDDIE meets him or her with the air-freshener card. The winner picks one and poses for photo w/EDDIE & one DINETTE while other DINETTE rakes picture, and then is escorted back to his or her seat. DINETTES exit thru kitchen door.) Jia, All right! We're the Pump Boys and we play Pump Rock! PUMP BOYS JiM/ JACKSON/L.M. TUNE UPS, TUNE UPS, GAS FOR LESS COLD BEER, GOLD REEFER, YOUR CHOICE YOUR OIL IS FINE, COULD YOU USE A LITTLE MOONSHINE? 728 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES WE KEEP AMERICA ROLLIN’, WE’RE THE PUMP BOYS Jot. OH, WE'RE THE PUMP BOYS FROM HIGHWAY 57 Jackson, A LITTLE ROADSIDE GAS STATION IS WHAT WE RUN Si. GIVE YOUR CAR A SMOOTHER RIDE LM, ALITTLE ACTION ON THE SIDE Jiut./Jacksow/L.M. PUMP BOYS KNOW HOW TO HAVE SOME FUN Jn. "CAUSE WE GOT TUNE UPS, TUNE UPS, GAS FOR LESS COLD BEER, GOLD REEFER, YOUR CHOICE (IT'S UP TO YOU) ‘YOUR OIL IS FINE, COULD YOU USE A LITTLE MOONSHINE? WE KEEP AMERICA ROLLIN’, WE'RE THE PUMP BOYS (piano soto) Jn, WE GOT A TOM'S CANDY STAND, PEANUTS AND. CHEWING GUM BANANAS WEIGHED BY HAND, SO YOU BETTER WATCH OUT FOR MY THUMB Jnw/Jacksow/L.M. TUNE UPS, TUNE UPS, WE REJOICE WE KEEP AMERICA ROLLIN’, WE'RE THE PUMP BOYS Jou, SO LET’S PUMP IT UP Jacksox/L.M. LET'S PUMP IT UP Jn. LETS PUMP IT UP Jackson/L.M, LETS PUMP IT UP Jia. DROP YOUR MUFFLER AND MAKE SOME NOISE COLD BEER AND WINE, GOOD SMOKE AND MOONSHINE.PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES a Juw/Jackson/L.M. WE KEEP AMERICA ROLLIN’, WERE THE PUMP BOYS WE KEEP AMERICA ROLLIN’, WE'RE THE PUMP BOYS COLD BEER AND WINE, COULD YOU USE A LITTLE MOONSHINE WE KEEP AMERICA ROLLIN’, WE'RE THE PUMP BOYS (DINETTES re-enter behind counter and set up percussion.) JacKSON. Thank you very much. Yes indeed we are the Pump Boys and you can find us working hard at this station every Monday through Thursday which is why Friday is my favorite day. Because Friday at this station is payday and I for one know exactly what to do with my paycheck. 1 go over to Frog Level and I go to the mail. They got everything at that mall. If they don’t have it, you don't need it. Now I start out my Friday night by going to the Pancake Cottage where I have myself a big old #4 with a little extra boysenberry syrup om the side. And then I 80 right across the street to Woolworth’s and I go in the front door, go all the way to the back of the store, turn left, and there's the automotive section—right next to the personal hy- sgiene section. Now these two sections happen to share the same register and at that register they have got a woman I have got to. tell you about right now. 1-2-3-4 (JACKSON flings hat and tie, and tears open shirt. He leps down on one knee for music intro.) MONA JACKSON. MONA, MONA, MONA, MISS CASHIER 1 GO INTO WOOLWORTH'S JUST TO BE NEAR YOU IN YOUR CHECK-OUT LINE TO CHECK YOU OUT IS MY SCHEME Ju/ LM. CHECKING HER OUT, THAT'S HIS SCHEME Jackson. "CAUSE YOU'RE A. JAcKSON/JIM/L.M. GUM-POPPING, BE-BOPPING, HEART-STOPPING DIMESTORE DREAM30 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES Jackson. THEY DRESS YOU IN BLUE LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING ‘TO HIDE. MONA, I KNOW WHAT YOU GOT INSIDE I'VE BOUGHT THIRTY CANS OF DISCOUNT SHAVING CREAM Jo/LM. LOADING UP ON SHAVING CREAM Jackson. "CAUSE YOU'RE A. JACKSON/JtM/L.M. GUM-POPPING, BE-BOPPING, HEART-STOPPING DIMESTORE DREAM JACKSON. 1 HOPE YOU LIKE A GUY WHO LIKES A CLOSE SHAVE “CAUSE MONA I'LL BE BACK FOR MORE IF | ONLY KNEW WHAT BRAND YOU CHEW. I'D BUY A TEN-PACK OF THAT GUM YOU ADORE JACKSON/Jme/L.M, MONA, MONA, MONA, WHAT FLAVOR IS BEST? IF YOU WOULD ONLY KISS ME I'D BE ABLE TO GUESS JACKSON, WHEN YOU RING UP MY CHANGE EVEN THE REGISTER GIVES OFF STEAM Jnw/L.M. CHING CHING. PSSSSS~ STEAM JACKSON. "CAUSE YOU'RE A. JACKSON/JIW/L.M. GUM-POPPING, BE-BOPPING, HEART-STOPPING. DIMESTORE DREAM (L.M. does Piano Soto.) JACKSON. 1 HOPE YOU LIKE A GUY WHO LIKES A CLOSE SHAVE "CAUSE MONA I'LL BE BACK FOR MORE IF 1 ONLY KNEW WHAT BRAND YOU CHEW I'D BUY A TEN-PACK OF THAT GUM YOU ADORE JACKSON/Ji/L.M. MONA, MONA, MONA, WHAT FLAVOR IS BEST? IF YOU WOULD ONLY KISS ME I'D BE ABLE TO GUESSPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 3 WHEN YOU RING UP MY CHANGE EVEN THE REGISTER GIVES OFF STEAM Sov LM. CHING CHING. PSSSss~STEAM Jackson. "CAUSE YOU'RE A Jackson/Ju/L.M. GUM-POPPING, BE-BOPPING, HEART-STOPPING DIMESTORE DREAM Jackson. "CAUSE YOU'RE A. JacKsoN/Jne/L.M, GUM-POPPING, BE-BOPPING, HEART-STOPPING DIMESTORE DREAM JACKSON. (shouting) Mona, I mean!! (DINETTES exit through kitchen door. JIM & JACKSON fare seated at counter.) Ine. We had a dry spell last summer. It was bad all around, Gas went up. JACKSON. Mona went to Myrtle Beach. Jux. Rhetta’s youngest boy dumped a whole jar full of newts {into the fountain at the mall—said we told him to do it. Sheriff come by the station, confiscated our entire batch of white lie quor, said he'd sell it back after election. Jackson. Clyde Wood’s cow got out, ate all thirty six marie Juana plants we had growing behind the station, ‘Int. Sheriff confiscated the cow. JACKSON. Said he'd sell the milk back after election. Ji. Temperature got up over 100 degrees, bananas went from green to rotten overnight. Jackson. There was just no way for us to make a buck Jn, Jackson and I went out back, started to work on Uncle Bob's Winnebago. Jackson. It had come to that, Jn. We started in to reseal the hot tub on the fold out back porch when here comes L.M. JacKsoN. Out of his office. Jind, He never comes out of his office. And he had on a back pack.32 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES JACKSON. A pair of hiking boots, Jim. And a clean shirt tucked in to stay. JACKSON. And he said— L.M. Boys, I'm going out. Jackson, Where you goin' L.M.? Jog, Well, he just half smiled and walked off. Jackson. We thought he was going to visit his mother at the Lone Star Grinding Company. Jug, But we found out there was a concert in the area and, days later, he came back with this tale to tell... . THE NIGHT DOLLY PARTON WAS ALMOST MINE LM. IT WAS LATE, AFTER THE SHOW 1 WAS IN LOVE, i COULDN'T GO I WAITED BY THE STAGE DOOR FOR HER SECURITY WAS TIGHT. BUT SOMEHOW I KNEW IT WAS MY NIGHT OUR MEETING WAS DESTINED TO OCCUR AND SUDDENLY THERE SHE WAS FLASHBULBS FLASHING OFF HER SMILE FULL FIGURED IN A LOW CUT GOWN GOOD GOLLY, SHE HAD STYLE THEN IT WAS ME SHE SMILED UPON IN THAT LINE, AND I FELT DOLLY PARTON WAS ALMOST MINE 1 DON'T KNOW HOW I HAD THE STRENGTH TO SPEAK, BUT I SAID, “YOU WERE FINE” L.M./Jina/ JACKSON. THE NIGHT DOLLY PARTON WAS ALMOST MINE SHE WAS MY FIRST LOVE IN COUNTRY MUSIC MY FIRST AND ONLY ONE TRUE LOVE LM. COME ON MARK, SHE SAID MARK I GUESS SHE READ MY NAME FROM OFF MY SHIRT COME ON MARK, THE BUS IS WAITING WE'LL HAVE A PRIVATE CONCERT. NO ONE HAD TO PAINT ME A SIGN I KNEWPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 3 L.M./Jim/ Jackson. DOLLY PARTON WAS ALMOST MINE 1 PLUGGED IN MY ACCORDIAN, SHE BROUGHT THE FRENCH WHITE WINE L.M//Jim/Jacksox. THE NIGHT DOLLY PARTON WAS ALMOST MINE SHE WAS MY FIRST LOVE IN COUNTRY MUSIC MY FIRST AND ONLY ONE TRUE LOVE (piano soto) LL.M. Iknew it had toend, I got offat hickory bend. Sometimes ‘a man has got to live with being just a friend. THOUGH I ONLY KISSED HER CHEEK, IT WAS SWEETER THAN THE WINE L.M./Jim/ Jackson THE NIGHT DOLLY PARTON WAS ALMOST MINE LM. WE WERE CLOSE ENOUGH TO TOUCH, THE MEMORY MAKES ME SHINE. L.M./Jim/ Jackson. THE NIGHT DOLLY PARTON WAS ALMOST MINE SHE WAS MY FIRST LOVE IN COUNTRY MUSIC, MY FIRST AND ONLY ONE TRUE LOVE (DINETTES enter from s.t. wearing work aprons.) Prupie, Well, out there. pa RHETT: Party, party—Oh, I'd party with you but my back rts, PRupte. And my feet are killing me. Ruzrta, I know but, well, isn’t there something about a clean plate that just kinda warms up your heart? Pauprs. Yeah, I guess a clean plate warms up my heart a little bit but y’know, there’s something that really warmsit up. Y'know what that is? Rugrra. Yeah. Prupiz. Well, count it off. Ruwerra, Alright. 1-2-3-4 (They rip off aprons.) 'm glad you all are having such a good time34 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES TIPS Diverres. TIPS... . JUST LEAVE ME A TIP DON'T WANT NO LIP, JUST A BIG FAT TIP Pau. NOW YOU MAY BE GOOD-LOOKING AND HAVE LOTS OF CHARM AND I FEEL HOT AND SEXY WHEN YOU TOUCH MY ARM BUT I'M WARNING YOU NOW I'LL TURN FROM HOT TO COLD QUICK IF WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED AT THE TABLE YOU HAVEN'T LEFT THIS CHICK A TIP Ruerra. I'M TALKING COLD CASH Dinerres, I WANT A TIP NOW DON'T YOU GIVE ME NO SH... .. IT BETTER BE A REAL BIG TIP GIVE IT TO ME QUICK OR DROP IT IN A DISH SLIP IT IN MY POCKET I WON'T MIND THAT A BIT LEAVE IT ON THE TABLE I KNOW JUST WHERE YOU SIT DON'T YOU BOTHER COMING BACK IF YOU HAVEN'T LEFT A TIP TEELETLLLP TIPS Ruerra. CAUSE I'M ALL DAY ON MY FEET I NEED A Paupie, TIP RHETTA. OH YEAH Prope. WHEN YOU LEAVE A TWENTY PER CENT. Ruerra, 1p Paupiz. YOU'LL ALWAYS FIND ME SWEET SO LEAVE A Dinertes. TIPPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 35 Ruerta, THANK YOU FOR THAT SCARF YOU BROUGHT ME FROM YOUR TRIP YOUR GRANDMA'S PEACH PRESERVES JUST MADE ME ‘SMACK MY LIPS 1 FLIPPED FOR THE TICKETS TO SEE GLADYS AND THE PIPS BUT THERE'S ONE THING I LIKE BETTER THAN GIFTS Dinettes. TIPS. OH HONEY, TIP ME, TIP TIP TIP TIP TIP TIP TIPSSSSS PUT YOUR HAND IN YOUR POCKET AND FIND MY TIP GIVE IT TO ME QUICK OR DROP IT IN A DISH SLIP IT IN MY POCKET I WONT MIND THAT A BIT LEAVE ITON THE TABLE I KNOW JUST WHERE YOU SIT DON'T YOU BOTHER COMING BACK IF YOU HAVEN'T LEFT A TIP TLEELLILLP Ruerra, Hey, hey, hey, don’t you want a nice big piece of pie? Prue. How about that double cup of coffee? Ruerra. Oh, wait a minute, isn’t this your hat? Prupie. Well, where’s my tip? Dwerres. TSAID MY TIP. 'M TALKIN’ ABOUT TIPS. ANICE BIG TIP. I NEED A TIP, TIP, TIP! (Counter moves v.s, L.M. plays intro to “Sisters” as PRUDIE crosses to Diner and sits on stool. RHETTA remains ¢,) SISTERS Ruerra. WE GREW UP TOGETHER IN THE SAME LITTLE TOWN ON THE SAME STREET, IN THE SAME HOUSE, IN THE SAME HAND-ME-DOWNS, WE SHARED THE SAME ROOM AND WE PLAYED THE SAME GAMES BUT I NEVER KNEW YOU OUR DADDY WAS GONE AND OUR MAMA WORKED HARD36 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES SO WE ACTED OUT DREAMS IN OUR LITTLE BACK YARD Ruerra/PRupis, WE WERE COWGIRLS AND PIRATES AND GYPSIES AND QUEENS BUT I NEVER KNEW YOU RHETTA. COULD WE GO BACK TO WHEN WE WERE CHILDREN ‘THE BEST OF SISTERS, BUT NEVER FRIENDS YOU WERE A STRANGER THEN, YOU ARE A STRANGER NOW COULD WE EVER BE CHILDREN AGAIN? (RHETTA crosses to counter and sits next to PRUDIE.) Paupis. WHEN MAMA WOULD SPANK 'CAUSE SHE THOUGHT WE DID WRONG I'D KEEP MY TEARS TO MYSELF—I THOUGHT I HAD TO BE STRONG BUT SOMETIMES I'D HURT YOU, JUST TO MAKE YOU cRY SO THAT SOMEONE WOULD NEED ME Diertes. YOUR EYES WOULD BETRAY WHAT YOUR HEART HELD INSIDE 1 WANTED TO LOVE YOU, BUT INSTEAD . . . 1 WOULD HIDE (instrumental break) Ruerta. NOW THE YEARS HAVE FLOWN BY AND ALL OUR LIES HAVE BEEN TOLD MY CHILDREN GROWN STRONGER, WHILE WE'VE JUST GROWN OLD Daverres. I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I PRAY IT’S NOT TRUE THAT YOU'LL NEVER KNOW ME COULD WE GO BACK TO WHEN WE WERE CHILDREN ‘THE BEST OF SISTERS, BUT NEVER FRIENDSPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 3” YOU WERE A STRANGER THEN, YOU ARE ASTRANGER NOW COULD WE EVER BE CHILDREN AGAIN? COULD WE EVER BE CHILDREN AGAIN? COULD WE EVER BE CHILDREN AGAIN? (DINETTES embrace. Counter moves back U.S.) VACATION RuETTA. OH PRUDIE Prupie. Yes, honey. Ruerta. LET'S NOT GO BACK TO WORK TODAY Prupie. But we got things to do back here... Ruerta, OH, NO, NO, NO, PRUDIE Prupig. I hate it when you do that. Ruerta, CMON. LET'S CLOSE UP THE DOUBLE CUPP Prupte. But Uncle Bob’s out there waiting for his pie RMETTA, UNCLE BOB CAN GET HIS OWN PIE, HE KNOWS WHERE IT IS AND HE KNOWS WHAT IT IS, BUT I Paupte. Yeah. Ruerra, OHI Paupig. Yeah. Ruerra. OH, FELL Pruig, Yeah. Ruerra, I NEED A VACATION LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS, | NEED A VACATION FROM MORE OF THE SAME OLD THING AF | COULD ONLY DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT, SOMEWHERE ELSE WHAT A JOY, A MIGHTY JOY, THAT WOULD BRING MY DOGS ARE PLUMB WORE OUT38 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES THE BACK OF MY NECK IS LIKE A CABLE A NICE BIG BRUISE IS TURNING SAFFRON FROM WHERE I SLAMMED INTO THAT TABLE Y'KNOW I CAN'T POUR THE COFFEE STRAIGHT THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW PLL BE DROPPING THE PLATES. ‘THERE'S NO ONE'S FACE I LIKE IM DISASTER READY TO STRIKE 1 NEED A VACATION LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS, I NEED A VACATION FROM MORE OF THE SAME OLD THING IF 1 COULD ONLY. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT, SOMEWHERE ELSE WHAT A JOY, A MIGHTY JOY, THAT WOULD BRING IF 1 COULD ONLY DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT, SOMEWHERE ELSE WHAT A JOY, A MIGHTY JOY, THAT WOULD BRING OH YEAH—1 SAID—BRING (PRUDIE crosses to L.M. L.M. puts flip-up sun glasses on.) NO HOLDS BARRED Jn. Hey Rhetta (RHETTA crosses over to him.) WE'LL BRING SOME ICE FOR THE COOLER AND TAPES FOR THE SONY CASSETTE WE'LL HAVE BUD IN THE BOTTLE GEORGE JONES AND TAMMY WYNETTE, Ruerta. LOVE TAMMY WYNETTE Jin, A BUNCH OF COLD FRIED CHICKEN AND A COUPLE OF NICE FRESH PIES Rugrra. MMMMMMM THAT SOUNDS GOOD mu, 1 GOT MY MIND ON THE BLUE SOUTHERN SKIES RHETTA. OH YEAH Joe. NO HOLDS BARRED, RHETTA, I'M GOING TO FLORIDA WON'T YOU COME ALONG WITH MEPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES » WELL GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE AND FIND SUITABLE LODGING ON THE BEACH AT YOUR FAVORITE KEY WE'LL CAVORT LIKE PORPOISES, SNORKEL ON THE CORAL REEF OF THE DEEP BLUE SEA Jim/RuETTA. AND IF THE WEATHER IS HELL, WE’LL HANG AROUND. THE MOTEL MAKING LOVE AND WATCHING COLOR TY (DINETTES put on sport hats.) Jit/ Jackson/L.M. UNCLE BOB'S WINNEBAGO HAS 99,221 MILES WE'LL TURN IT OVER TO ZERO JUST ABOUT THE TIME WE GET TO ALL. VALDOSTA, GEORGIA Jiw/RHETTA. WELL, GOODBYE TALLAHASSEE, WE'RE PASSING THROUGH, THAT'S ALL, HIGHBALLING AT THE CRACK OF DAWN Prupie/Fackson/L.M. DOWN DEEPER IN DIXIE AND I DON'T NEED A ROAD MAP TO KNOW WHERE THE LINES ARE DRAWN sm. WE'RE GONE Au. NO HOLDS BARRED, BABY, I'M GOING TO FLORIDA WON'T YOU COME ALONG WITH ME WE'LL GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE AND FIND SUITABLE LODGING ON THE BEACH AT YOUR FAVORITE KEY WE'LL CAVORT LIKE PORPOISES, SNORKEL ON THE CORAL REEF OF THE DEEP BLUE SEA AND IF THE WEATHER IS HELL, WE'LL HANG AROUND. THE MOTEL MAKING LOVE AND WATCHING COLOR TV LM. YM GONNA COVER YOU ALL OVER WITH OIL ALL DAY LONG40 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES Paupic. WE'LL BE JUST LIKE TOURISTS IN A JIMMY BUFFET SONG RHETTA, IM GONNA SEND HOME POSTCARDS, THE CUTEST ONES I CAN FIND Teollect the ones with little animals on ‘em, y'know? Jne/ JACKSON/L.M. ESPECIALLY THE ONES WHERE THE ALLIGATOR 1S ABOUT TO BITE THE PRETTY WOMAN'S BEHIND. ‘ALL. NO HOLDS BARRED, BABY, IM GOING TO FLORIDA WON'T YOU COME ALONG WITH ME WE'LL GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE AND FIND SUITABLE LODGING ON THE BEACH AT YOUR FAVORITE KEY WE'LL CAVORT LIKE PORPOISES, SNORKEL ON THE CORAL REEF OF THE DEEP BLUE SEA AND IF THE WEATHER IS HELL, WE’LL HANG AROUND THE MOTEL MAKING LOVE AND WATCHING COLOR TV AND IF THE WEATHER IS HELL, WE'LL HANG AROUND THE MOTEL MAKING LOVE AND WATCHING AND IF THE WEATHER IS HELL, Wi THE MOTEL MAKING LOVE AND WATCHING COLOR TV LOR TV HANG AROUND FARMER TAN LL.M. (with sunglasses) Un, deux, trois, quatre! (L.M. gets ac- cordion and runs ps.c. to join DINETTES.) THE SUN IS HOT, IT BURNS ALL DAY BUT I DON'T NEED NO BAIN DE SOLEIL I'M ON THE SAND, GIRLS AT HAND. I'VE GOT A SECRET PLAN Dinertes, (with sunglasses) WHAT'S YOUR SECRET PLAN?PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES a LM. THE SUN DON'T HURT CAUSE I GOT ON A T-SHIRT 1 GOT A FARMER TAN L.M./DINETIES. FARMER TAN, ON MY NECK AND ARMS FARMER TAN, THE SECRET OF MY CHARMS EVERY GIRL WANTS A MAN WITH A FARMER TAN LM. WHEN I GO SWIMMING WITH BROWN YOUNG WOMEN THEY FALL OVER THEMSELVES JUST TO GET TO ME TWO TONE BICEPS, IVORY CHEST FURTHER BELOW, THE BEST YOU'VE YET TO SEE L.M./Dinerres. FARMER TAN ON MY NECK AND ARMS FARMER TAN THE SECRET OF MY CHARMS, EVERY GIRL WANTS A MAN WITH A FARMER TAN (instrumental break. DINETTES dance around L.M.) LM. FARMER TAN ON MY NECK AND ARMS FARMER TAN THE SECRET OF MY CHARMS. EVERY GIRL WANTS A MAN Dinerres. EVERY GIRL WANTS HIM L.M. EVERY GIRL WANTS A MAN DINETTE, EVERY GIRL WANTS HIM LM. EVERY GIRL WANTS A MAN Doverres. EVERY GIRL WANTS A FARMER TAN ON HIS NECK AND ARMS. FARMER TAN THE SECRET OF HIS CHARMS FARMER TAN ON HIS NECK AND ARMS FARMER TAN THE SECRET LM. BROWN ARMS Dinerres. 00000! FARMER TAN, THE SECRETa PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES LM. WHITE CHEST Dinerres. OOHHHH! FARMER TAN THE SECRET LM. RED NECK Dinerres. AAAAHHHH! L.M./DiNeTTEs. FARMER TAN, 000 00 000 00 00 FARMER T-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N (LM, crosses 10 plano. JACKSON & EDDIE play “Highway 57 Vamp” underscore. The phone rings.) Ine, Beach. Uncle Bob? Uncle Bob! Did you get our post card? Uncle Bob got our postcard. You wanna say hi to him? (They all say hi to Uncle Bob.) Yeah, | know Florida’s a long way to take it for a test drive but we got the hot tub all warmed up for you. Now, listen, don’t you worry about a thing, we'll be rollin’ your way real soon, HIGHWAY 57 REPRISE Duverres. HIGHWAY 57, CALLIN’ ME HOME NO MATTER HOW FAR I MAY ROAM (DINETTES take off sunglasses) 1 BELONG TO THE HIGHWAY Jnw/Jackson/L.M. HIGHWAY DiNertEs. NO REGRETS Jist/ JAcKsN/L.M. ‘TO THE HIGHWAY, NO REGRETS Au. HIGHWAY 57 Ji/JACKSON/L.M. PUMP BOYS DINETTES. AND DINETTESPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 43 Dinerres. Pump Boys. WE'RE HERE TO SERVE YOU FILLER UP YOU WON'T HAVE TO. WAIT CHECK UNDER THE HOOD ALL PURPOSE MENU CARD OR CASH EVERYTHING IS GOOD Au. A FULL TANK AND A FULL BELLY, ENERGY DUET L.M./PRUDE. DUET Jnw/RuETTA. ITS THE BEST YET JACKSON/PRUDIE, PLACE ALL BETS Au. ON HIGHWAY 57 Puwp Boys. PUMP BOYS. Divertes. AND DINETTES Au. WE'RE THE PUMP BOYS AND THE DINETTES ON HIGHWAY 57, PUMP BOYS. Dinerres. AND DINETTES Au. WE'RE THE PUMP BOYS AND THE DINETTES BLACKOUT. BOW LIGHTS (After one bow the cast returns to the microphones to sing an encore. L.M. crosses (o PRUDIE, RHETTA crosses (0 to JIM.) CLOSING TIME Sm. PULL THE TWIN GARAGE DOORS DOWN4 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES COIL THE AIRHOSE TIGHT FILL THE SUGARS, MOP THE FLOOR LEAVE A LIGHT ON, LEAVE ON A LIGHT CLOSING TIME, CLOSING TIME CLOSING FOR THE EVENING SEE YOU WHEN YOU STOP THIS WAY AGAIN ALL. CLOSING TIME~ CLOSING FOR THE EVENING CLOSING TIME ~ CLOSING FOR THE EVENING CLOSING FOR THE EVENING, SEE YOU WHEN YOU STOP THIS WAY AGAIN Dmerres. MM, KNOCKING OFF GOT TWENTY TWO DOLLARS AND ONE DIME. WHATLL THAT BUY? JiM/JACKSON/L.M. A TANK OF GAS. BUT YOU CAN PAY TOMORROW CAUSE IT'S CLOSING TIME AL. CLOSING TIME—CLOSING FOR THE EVENING CLOSING TIME~—CLOSING FOR THE EVENING CLOSING FOR THE EVENING SEE YOU WHEN YOU STOP THIS WAY AGAIN Jim. I'M SO THANKFUL TO LIGHTEN UP MY LOAD WHEN YOU ABIDE BY THE ROADSIDE IT SURE FEELS GOOD TO HIT THE ROAD Au. GARAGE DOORS DOWN~ CLOSING TIME LOCKED UP TIGHT—CLOSING TIME CLOSING FOR THE EVENING Jom. LEAVING ON A LIGHT TILL YOU COME AGAIN Dmerres. LEAVING ON A LIGHT TILL YOU COME AGAIN Jackson/L.M. LEAVING ON A LIGHT TILL YOU COME AGAIN sm, LEAVING ON A LIGHT TILL YOU COME AGAIN Au. LEAVING ON A LIGHT— GOOD NIGHTPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 45 (L.M. crosses back (o piano.) “GREATEST HITS" Pump Boys. TAKIN IT SLOW, GOT TO KEEP ON TAKIN IT SLOW WELL I BEEN THERE BEFORE AND I GOT THERE TAKIN IT SLOW TAKIN IT SLOW, GOT TO KEEP ON TAKIN IT SLOW WELL I BEEN THERE BEFORE AND 1 GOT THERE TAKIN T- Dinerres. TIPS—JUST LEAVE ME A TIP GIVE IT TO ME QUICK OR DROP IT IN A DISH SLIP IT IN MY POCKET, [ WON'T MIND THAT A BIT LEAVE IT ON THE TABLE, 1 KNOW JUST WHERE YOU SIT. DON'T YOU BOTHER COMING BACK IF YOU HAVEN'T LEFT A TIP TLLLELLLP IacKson/Jiw/L.M. MONA, MONA, MONA WHAT FLAVOR IS BEST? TacKSON, WHEN YOU RING UP MY CHANGE EVEN THE REGISTER GIVES OFF STEAM Juw/L.M. CHING CHING, PSSSSS~STEAM Jackson. *CAUSE YOU'RE A JAcKSON/JIM/L.M, GUM-POPPING, BE-BOPPING, HEART-STOPPING DIMESTORE DREAM. LM SHE WAS MY L.M. Pius Rest of Cast, FIRST LOVE IN COUNTRY MUSIC MY FIRST AND ONLY ONE TRUE LOVE Dinertes, Pome Bors. WE'RE HERE TO SERVE FILLER UP YOU CHECK UNDER THE YOU WON'T HAVE TO HOOD46 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES waIT CARD OR CASH ALL PURPOSE MENU EVERYTHING IS GOOD ALL A FULL TANK AND A FULL BELLY, ENERGY DUET L.M./PaupiE. DUET Jow/Ruerra. IT’S THE BEST YET Jackson/PRUDEE. PLACE ALL BETS ALL, ON HIGHWAY 57 Puur Boys. PUMP BOYS Dinerres. AND DINETTES Au. WE'RE THE PUMP BOYS AND THE DINETTES ON HIGHWAY $7, PUMP BOYS. Diverres. AND DINETTES Au. WE'RE THE PUMP BOYS AND THE DINETTES BLACKOUT CALL LIGHTS FOR FINAL BOWPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 47 COSTUMES: The Dinettes wear waitress uniforms. They have tap shoes and fancy aprons for DRINKIN SHOES and sunglasses for FARMER TAN. ‘The Pump Boys wear gas station attendant uniforms. L.M. has tap cowboy boots for DRINKIN SHOES. And all the Pump Boys have fishing hats for CATFISH and FISHERMAN’S PRAYER, PROPS: IN THE GAS STATION: air freshener card hat for raffle tickets fishing hats ‘cowboy boots {lip on sunglasses silk rose tambouris high hat 2 baseball hats for Dinettes ON THE PIANO: open-close sign telephone clipboard with papers IN THE DINER: 2 pairs of sunglasses 2 hand fans 2 cotton work aprons 2 pr. tap shoes 2 fancy aprons 2 pies 2 pr. rubber gloves 2 bandanas kitchen timer 2 tea towels 2 pot holders polaroid camera48 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES DINETTE PERCUSSION: tambourine drumsticks ‘coffee can/shaker 4 long spoons 2 short spoons rolling pin and cowbell ot & scraper circular canister metal pitcher coffee cups napkin container (metal) grater colander assortment of pots & pansPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 000s u2poom sa mo sm suea 9 0d worpiomy uy aN TON wu sakes seus seus sua snp remo 99 24999, coves suoa ani a 188 ova aan over smoot SB 203 200g ma3yy eH ta 0a za m9 woud = sun Suma SmaSy—_spuinog anog peta ea sen) sen aig sods ova nancy asmeoy —anmasy aig Sure, pourriay eine) sens suuogum, coum sseg ureg—animooy 5 Aon pay viaHy aan WT wads NOSIOWE Wr Tv ‘NOLLVLNSWNYISNE (ALSF99NSPUMP BOYS AND DINETTES 1H WO seg sen) poung ano ansnooy say. ssog se) omg susta ansnooy woud se rus ae soon sng, sano) MHD deg peg —oumg sa Supe onsnaoy oy seg a9) rein ours omsnooy 2uD9 asa skog ng Wow a amino, sen woprosy suet, sug ousmosy sous Bury a Bumoy eH Wa seeg san pean, 2009 a iN tqwoy wg ouN uncer ouData onsnoay 40 poop >a, seg ammo, sen, outa sussoia oust onsnoay amar vague — anya WT aay ——NOSYOWr wr (pemuwo3) | BY31 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES eng suumoqare, our sens suunowue, ou, wmpiony aun onsno>y pouaiuy sennp ansnooy payycury seang spsnosy Pauncuy senap ansn09y Pouydury sme suse sea asnooy sang, onsnooy sang, nsnooy SH 210929 aay, BHO prudoy, es Seu, wey s9uung pauee SPIOH ON one sg52 PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES a) telephon booth SCENE DESIGN FOR PUMP BOYS AND DINETTES Diner <— Gas Station