Mr. Johnson went to his doctor’s office to have a physical exam done.

The nurse
asked, “How tall are you?”
“I’m about six foot two,” said Mr. Johnson. The nurse measured him and found that he
was only five foot six.
“How much do you weigh?” asked the nurse.
“Around 150 pounds.” The nurse weighed him and found that he weighed 200 pounds.
Then she took his blood pressure. “Your blood pressure is incredibly high,” she said.
“What do you expect?” sputtered Mr. Johnson. “Before I came here I was tall and thin.
Now I’m short and fat!”
The doctor told his 92-year-old patient, “You’ve got a heart murmur. Be careful.”
A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous
young lady on his arm.
Upon seeing his doctor, the old man said, “Just doing what you said Doctor, “Get a hot
mamma and be cheerful.”
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.
Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
I played hide-and-seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.
Why did the doctor laugh at the xray?
Because it was humerus.
I’ve got a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says its terminal.
Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
“Doctor! Doctor! My son just swallowed a roll of film.”
“Let’s hope nothing develops!”
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
A little joke when you’re sick never hurt antibody.
I woke up this morning coughing badly, think I may have
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but it’s hard to say.
You must go to the foot doctor to get heeled!
I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong. It
didn't go viral.
The new doctor is very sweet, have you met Doctor Pepper?
Did you hear the one about the germ?
Never mind; I don’t want to spread it around.
A bicycle rolls into the doctor’s office. It says, “Doc, you gotta help
me! I can’t keep from yawning all day long.”
The doctor says, “Well, I think it’s because you’re two tired.”