Happy as being

A five-year-old’s voice came to my mind,

Her thoughts seemed to entwine;

Acted like a soothsayer but said we have something to find,

Ambitious like an ongoing fierce wind;

Looked as if she’d never look back on time,

Then Why did she suggest to rewind?

She asked me if I loved my life

I said it’s going alright;

Then a strong wind blew

And I lost my sight.

I was trapped that was for sure;

For a fraction of a second, I wondered if it was a nightmare

Where I am waiting for my jump scare.

I shouted and shouted for some help,

Then the mystifying voice reappeared;

Blamed me That I did this to myself,

But I just prayed and prayed for her to disappear.

Then the wind blew again,

Now I witnessed time being rewound;

To all the highlights of my life,

But the people I care the most about;

Are nowhere in sight or to be found,

It’s just me existing just like now.

The ones I cared for are disappointed as usual,

Cause I considered their feelings as nothing but casual.

Then in a flash of light,

Everything disappeared and reappeared at the same time;

Making me feel surreal,

But this time the tale of being was different;

Where I was happy for real,

My smile and laughs touched the sky;

Eyes squished while I tried to smile,

I feel like the heavens on earth;

Wait! Wait! But where on earth was this mirth?

“In the moment!” screamed my claustrophobic inner soul.

It took me years to realize:

That all my happy moments consisted of those people,

While some others were comforting, aggrieved;

Sentimental, denial yet nostalgic with a touch of warmth,

But what was common in all of them;

Is the fact they were never just me,

But all I carried was my ego well that’s petty.

For the longest time, I wished for everything to end,

But this was the moment;

I wished for life to replay again and again,

Nonetheless, they say some wishes don’t come true;

It was indeed one of them too.

At last, I wished to see and thank my guiding light;

And wanted to know who exactly she was,

Well this was approved;

But the revelation shock me to death,

It was no one else but me;

The five-year-old me who was trapped,

And was desperate for help.

I cried and cried for the longest in this lifetime,

But the five-year-old strangely just smiled;

“be happy as being that’s all I want “,

She wanted to complete her line;

Alas! That was left as an unfinished wish too,

But I believe I understood it all ;

And when I wanted to say goodbye,

Beep-beep-beep!! Was all I could hear by that time.

-Lubhani( 16/01/2024)