Reflection

The recent lecture session led me to take a further look within, only to come to the realization that
there’s no particular philosophy leading the charge other than “Strive for balance in all areas of life”.

As the firstborn, I had the pleasure of growing up under the strict and protective roof of two
lovely individuals. From the start of my days, till the end of my classes, and sometimes even up until
my bedtime, I followed my scheduled outline. Not to say that I couldn’t play during my childhood, it
was just difficult to find the time when I constantly had to go from one appointment to another.
Whether that may be Kumon classes, drama classes, or whatever else my dearest mother fancied at
the moment. Those days may have been grueling and stressful, but they are the reason for my current
interests. Take musicals, for example. I would find myself humming songs from Six the Musical and
Firebringer for days on end. Another thing would be my love for fountain pens. Due to my penchant
for writing To-Do lists and planning out my days, I ended up falling into the rabbit hole of fountain
pens, inks, and papers. I have folders and list of compatible inks and papers best suited to show my
inks’ shading properties or shimmering goodness. Surprisingly, despite all that, I cannot for the life of
me follow my schedules and outline to the T. I may end up writing one for the upcoming month but
still rewrite it afterwards on impulse.

So why is my philosophy to strive for balance in all areas of my life? Well, with all the influences
and plans laid out for me until recently, I couldn’t determine whether I was simply going along with
my parents’ wishes or my own. Striving for balance has helped me out to think more carefully and
understand what it is I truly care for. Quite a bit on the nose, but this philosophy wouldn’t be
achievable without knowing myself — a phrase the great Greek philosopher Socrates used as a
cornerstone of his theories. By examining myself, I’ll be able to know the areas in which I’m lacking
and strive for a better version of myself — the ideal me, which brings me to another philosopher,
Carl Rogers.

Reading about Carl Rogers and his self-theory of Real and Ideal hit a bit too close for comfort.
Growing up, I had all these majestic plans about my future. I would be a doctor, an engineer, or a
lawyer! I pursued Chemical Engineering in Mapua at my parents’ behest, thinking that there’s no
other path but that. I chased this ideal version that others and I had of myself, thinking that no one
else knew me better than them. I hid the part of me that they’d deemed an abnormality, suppressing
any ideas of relationship with the same sex. And then reality struck. My ideal and real selves were far
too incongruent. I was hiding all the parts that made me who I am and I felt empty. It brough endless
nights of crying, anxiety, and panic attacks. The candle had burned at both ends. And I was just tired
of it all.
 I learned the hard way that it’s best to model your ideal self from your real self. The closer the
two are aligned, the more achievable it is to gain happiness and a fulfilling life. No one knows you
better than you do. A little introspection goes a long way.

As for my goals? I might go ahead and create applications or games in the future. I don’t really
know. I suppose I still need to do some thinking. Perhaps finishing my goal of creating that website
after relaxing in Elyu might just do the trick.

Whatever life has in store in the future, my real self and ideal self are more congruent than ever.
I’ll just have to remember to breathe.