Searching For Myself in Hong Kong - Re-Evaluating What It Means To Be Asian American - UCEAP Blog

3/29/24, 8:05 PM Searching for Myself in Hong Kong: Re-Evaluating What it Means to be Asian American - UCEAP Blog
TRAVEL LEARN LIVE 
SEARCHING FOR
MYSELF IN HONG
KONG: RE-
EVALUATING WHAT IT
MEANS TO BE ASIAN
AMERICAN
November
15, 2023
BY ANNA NGUYEN
FROM UC LOS ANGELES TO HONG KONG AND VIETNAM
My maternal Chinese grandparents lived in Vietnam until the Vietnam War. They then fled
to Hong Kong, where they lived in a refugee camp for a year with all seven of their
children, before being sponsored to come to the US.
My mother and grandparents never returned to Hong Kong or Vietnam after coming to
the US. Growing up, they never spoke about these places. I had little opportunity to learn
more about the places my family once called home.
It was only in my early twenties that I started wanting to understand what it meant for me
to be Asian. My cultural identity became pushed to the forefront of my mind because of
https://blog.uceap.universityofcalifornia.edu/searching-asian-identity-hong-kong-anna-nguyen/ 1/13
the formative time in my life. I wanted to carve out a sense of self.
MY RACIAL IDENTITY WAS THE FIRST THING OTHERS SAW AND IT HAD
SHAPED MY PERSONALITY AND UPBRINGING, BUT I felt disconnected
FROM WHAT IT MEANT TO BE ASIAN.
While I didn’t know exactly what it meant to be Asian—one thing I did know: I wasn’t Asian
enough.
As a first-generation Asian American, I had the notion that being Asian meant speaking
Cantonese fluently. I thought that this would somehow make up for what I lacked. My
family spoke a mixture of Cantonese and English, and I had some basic understanding of
Cantonese, but my comprehension and use of the language diminished upon starting
elementary school.
MY JOURNEY TO BECOME ‘ASIAN ENOUGH’

Hong Kong, in my eyes, was a significant key to learning more about my family and my
Asian heritage.
While I was an undergraduate student at UCLA, I chose to study abroad at the University
of Hong Kong (HKU). The program provided a vital opportunity to learn Cantonese in one
of the largest regions where its spoken. That was deeply attractive to me, because I
believed that speaking Cantonese would help me to feel more Asian.
I took a Cantonese class at HKU and hoped it would bridge the disconnect I felt with my
Chinese culture. By the end of the class, my Cantonese was at a toddler’s level, but
nonetheless, I was proud of my ability to haggle with merchants for fish at wet markets
and looked forward to impressing my grandparents when I returned to the US.
BUT something was still missing. SPEAKING CANTONESE DIDN’T FILL THE
CHASM I FELT. I STILL DIDN’T FEEL ASIAN ENOUGH.
CONTINUING MY SEARCH FOR IDENTITY

I tried eating more Chinese food to help me feel more Asian. But no amount of dim sum,
pineapple buns, or BBQ pork could make me feel more Chinese. Perhaps I needed to be
closer to my family connections to finally feel Chinese.
I visited Sham Shui Po—the neighborhood my grandparents and their kids lived in when
they were refugees in Hong Kong. I walked the city after classes, spoke to new people in
my broken Cantonese, and wandered the busy outdoor markets to find a version of
myself that was Chinese enough. I imagined that version would feel whole, confident, and
grounded in what being Asian meant.
I met extended family who decided to stay in Hong Kong after arriving as refugees. My
uncles and their families were generous enough to let me interview them for my Hong
Kong Popular Culture final class project on what it meant to be a Hong Konger.
THE VISIT WAS PIVOTAL FOR ME TO LEARN WHAT MAKES SOMEONE A

PART OF THE COLLECTIVE HONG KONG IDENTITY—what it meant to be
Asian.
I learned that being a Hong Konger is defined by colonization, democracy, Cantonese, and
immigration.
The national and ethnic identity of the Hong Kong person is primarily Chinese. Most of its
residents are immigrants who fled communism in mainland China or are descendants of
immigrants. The collective Hong Kong identity is in flux though, due to changes in
immigration and the handover of Hong Kong to China that has led to challenges in
democracy.
A DIVE INTO MY FAMILY’S HERITAGE

While abroad, I was also able to meet my extended aunt’s family who stayed in Vietnam
after the Vietnam War. They lived in Ho Chi Minh City, where my family had lived and
owned a business as one of the largest suppliers of rice in the city.
I remember feeling scared that my aunt would find me out as an imposter based on my
imperfect Cantonese; but to my relief, my lack of fluency didn’t impede our ability to
connect. She understood some English, and her daughter translated to fill in the gaps.
We visited the Cu Chi Tunnels used in the Vietnam War by the Viet Minh. I thought of my
paternal grandfather, who was drafted as a soldier for the Viet Minh. Had he used those
tunnels? Where had he been stationed during the war? I visited the building that once
housed my family’s rice business and the old family home next door.
IT WAS A RELIEF TO REALIZE THAT my ancestors’ past influences my

present. THROUGH UNDERSTANDING THE PAST, I CAN BETTER
UNDERSTAND MYSELF AS A CULMINATION OF ALL THESE EVENTS.
REFLECTING ON STUDY ABROAD – AN

IMPOSSIBLE MISSION
Meeting extended family was the cultural homecoming that I had expected and wanted
from my study abroad experience. I remain grateful for that. But when my trip was over, I
didn’t feel any different or more Asian than when I started my journey.
I was trying to fill the missing spots of my Asian identity that I deemed insufficient. This
was an impossible mission from the start because of my black-and-white thinking. I am
Asian American. The broken Cantonese, the lost customs, and the yearning to be whole
are a part of the experience of being a first-generation Asian American.
MY MISSION TO FEEL OR BECOME MORE ASIAN WAS IMPOSSIBLE FROM

THE START BECAUSE I was already Asian enough!
No amount of Cantonese classes, Chinese food, or walking the streets of Hong Kong
would ever be enough because my concept of what it meant to be Asian was flawed.
My cultural identity isn’t one or the other; it is both Asian and American. And finally, I
understand. I am Asian enough, exactly as I am.
ANNA NGUYEN
Study Abroad Program: University of Hong Kong
Program Location: Hong Kong
Other Countries Visited: Cambodia, Japan, Korea,
Macau, Thailand, and Vietnam
Home University: UC Los Angeles
Major: Psychology
Year: Senior (class of 2019)
Anna is a social worker and freelance artist from Orange

County, California. She’s a first-gen Chinese/Vietnamese
American from a low-income background and proud to be
the first person in her family to study abroad. She received
a UCEAP Promise Award to study abroad in the fall of 2018
and graduated with a master’s degree in social welfare
from UC Berkeley. Anna currently works as an Associate
Governmental Program Analyst with a focus on early
childhood welfare for the California Department of Social
Services in San Francisco. She has created illustrations and
comics for UC Berkeley, Mills College, Eastwind Books of
Berkeley, Yale Child Study Center, and various
publications. Anna is passionate about child welfare, early
childhood development, mental health, racial equity, and
social justice. Her work and her art reflect these values
and uplift these topics.
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3/29/24, 8:05 PM Searching for Myself in Hong Kong: Re-Evaluating What it Means to be Asian American - UCEAP Blog

TRAVEL LEARN LIVE 

the formative time in my life. I wanted to carve out a sense of self.

MY JOURNEY TO BECOME ‘ASIAN ENOUGH’

CONTINUING MY SEARCH FOR IDENTITY

THE VISIT WAS PIVOTAL FOR ME TO LEARN WHAT MAKES SOMEONE A

A DIVE INTO MY FAMILY’S HERITAGE

IT WAS A RELIEF TO REALIZE THAT my ancestors’ past influences my

REFLECTING ON STUDY ABROAD – AN

MY MISSION TO FEEL OR BECOME MORE ASIAN WAS IMPOSSIBLE FROM

Anna is a social worker and freelance artist from Orange

Name (required) Email (required) Website

ABOUT | TRAVEL | LEARN | LIVE |

Copyright © 2024 University of California Education Abroad Program

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