Dennerlein 1

Teresa Dennerlein

Professor Jacob Martens

TWRT 112

1 March 2019

Parents and the Destabilizing Force of Academic Performance Pressure:

How to “Let It Go”

As children, many have found themselves dreaming of a future in which they were so

valued for their unique gifts and merits that they found themselves the king or queen of a

magnificent kingdom. Princess Elsa from Disney’s 2013 hit animated cartoon “Frozen” grew up

to achieve both stardom and a sophisticated job as queen of Arendelle. Elsa plays the role of a

misunderstood, brilliant, gifted young woman who, after mistakenly turning her entire kingdom

to an icy wasteland, returns to save the kingdom from an evil prince who would destroy both her

sister and the Kingdom of Arendelle. Before Elsa became this beloved icon, however, she lived

an isolated life, pressured to contain her magnificently powerful and sometimes destructive

ability to create ice and snow from her fingertips. After her disastrous coronation in which her

panicked anxiety led her accidentally to bewitch all of Arendelle, her breakout song “Let It Go”

is Elsa’s character-defining anthem in which she lets go of the external pressure to control her

gifting. She laments the constant inner dialogue that she has played in her mind on repeat since

childhood: “Don’t let them in, don’t let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be”

(Anderson-Lopez and Lopez). This dialogue had defined her thought life since childhood. While

a hopeful conclusion shows that Elsa will heroically keep her own promise to prevent “the fears

that once controlled [her]… get to [her] at all,” it is worth exploring why she developed such a

debilitating inner dialogue in the first place (Anderson-Lopez and Lopez). How did an
 Dennerlein 2

immensely gifted, responsible young woman get shackled with the pressure to avoid even a

single mistake in navigating life with this rare gifting?

In an interview with NPR’s Joseph Shapiro, “Let It Go” songwriters Kristen Anderson-

Lopez and Robert Lopez shed light on the meaning behind the now iconic song. They were

intending to write “about the pressure to be perfect… for Lopez, it was memories of being a

student and needing to get the best grades.” From the authors’ perspective, Elsa’s crucial turning

point was about more than one fictional girl with unattainable powers. Elsa’s anthem to “Let It

Go” was a call to recognize and shake off the pressure levied upon capable young people to be

perfect—the unrealistic pressure to achieve great things without ever making mistakes.

Introduction: Parents’ Effect on Performance Pressure

Mistakes are a necessary and common aspects of human existence, whether or not a

person is unusually gifted. People need a safe environment to be able to fail in a healthy way. In

a society obsessed with success, does performance pressure have an effect on gifted children like

Elsa, specifically academically gifted children? What part do parents play in contributing to or

assuaging the performance pressure levied upon their gifted children? Research shows that

parents of gifted children have an extraordinary influence on the either healthy or dysfunctional

way in which their children navigate education and the anxieties that accompany it. Whether

intentional or not, the environment parents create, goals they communicate, and level child-based

worth have a significant impact on a child’s ability to cope with mental health issues and thrive

in school.

This piece will begin by defining what constitutes the recognizable characteristics of

gifted children. We will then explore concerns over common debilitating attributes in gifted

children, namely associated with dysfunctional perfectionism. Next we will look at some of the
 Dennerlein 3

healthy and unhealthy motivations and actions of parents that can lead to children feeling guilty,

anxious, and incapable—discussing the ramifications of learning-goal versus performance-goal

oriented approaches and the power of parents’ response to failures, and noting that parents’

child-based worth can lead to fear of failure in children and a belief that their worth is contingent

upon academic success. We will conclude with a discussion of possible solutions and techniques

parents of gifted children can utilize avoid overburdening and pressuring their children past the

breaking point.

Gifted Students: How to Recognize Them

While a general definition of intellectually gifted students is difficult to pinpoint, there

are some key indicators to look for, says Sandra Manning, Associate Director for The Frances A.

Karnes Center for Gifted Studies at The University of Southern Mississippi. Manning breaks

some of these characteristics into two key categories: cognitive and affective. Cognitive

indicators include the ability to think abstractly, process complex language, develop novel ideas,

and apply learning to other disciplines or topics. Intellectually gifted students may enjoy working

alone, display intense curiosity for their particular interests, pursue challenging assignments, and

display longer periods of concentration than their peers (Manning 66).

Affective characteristics relate to attitude and approach. Displaying unique affective

characteristics, gifted students “routinely exhibit academic and emotional traits that may be

described as intense and, at times, even extreme. They are more curious, demanding, and

sensitive than their typical developing peers” (Manning 67). Specific characteristics include

heightened ability to make moral judgments, early idealism, self-control, informed emotional

responses, and emotional sensitivity. They are more likely to have high expectations of both

themselves and others (Manning 66). These expectations may lead them to struggle with
 Dennerlein 4

debilitating perfectionism to the point that they may sacrifice significant time for family and

friends, extracurriculars, and sleep in order to try to ensure perfection on assignments (Wilson

and Adelson 10). They also may set unrealistic standards for themselves leading them to

consider “scoring 89% on a spelling test ‘failing’” (Wilson and Adelson 10).

Gifted Students and Perfectionism

Manning also hints at other possible natural ramifications of giftedness, revealing that

“[s]ensitivity to the attitudes and perceptions of others may cause gifted students to fall into the

perfectionism trap or to fear failure” (67). It may be no wonder that much is expected of these

children who display such self-control, mental processing skills, and passionate interests. We can

observe from these common characteristics that at least some of the pressure gifted students

experience may be internally derived. Perhaps even without parental pressure, there is a naturally

occurring internal drive common to many gifted students, regardless of how they perform in a

school setting. In fact, Manning indicates that even poor performance in gifted students can

simply be the result of a feeling of prior mastery, lack of particularly intense interest, or

difficulty in narrowing their interests to fit a particular project, rather than a reflection on their

intellectual giftedness (67). In a particularly jarring observation, Manning warns that “[g]ifted

students' high expectations of themselves and others can lead to perfectionism, personal

dissatisfaction, or feelings of hopelessness” (66). Given that perfectionism can be a significant

academic and emotional hindrance, does perfectionism pose a special threat to gifted children,

and if so, what are the ramifications?

Writing for the National Association for Gifted Children, professors of educational

psychology Dr. Hope E. Wilson and Dr. Jill L. Adelson warn that “[a]lthough perfectionism,

both healthy and unhealthy, affects many populations (notably athletes, musicians, and
 Dennerlein 5

performers), it poses special concerns for gifted students” (9). Wilson and Adelson clearly

indicate that not all perfectionism is unhealthy. Healthy perfectionism can lead to high levels of

motivation, self-confidence, and exceptional academic performance (Wilson and Adelson 9). On

the contrary, researchers have shown that the ramifications of unhealthy perfectionism can be

“depression and anxiety disorders, greater levels of violence and substance abuse, and eating

disorders” (Wilson and Adelson 9). Even though not all perfectionism is unhealthy, given that

the consequences of dysfunctional perfectionism can be so dire for gifted students, it is of urgent

importance to investigate possible reasons that gifted students may fall into the trap of this

unhealthy form of perfectionism.

Parental Influence on Dysfunctional Perfectionism

Peer-reviewed research has revealed critical insight into at least one aspect of the

development of dysfunctional perfectionism in gifted students, showing that parental goals can

play a big part in determining the perfectionism outcome for a child. Researchers Karen E.

Ablard and Wayne D. Parker from the Institute for the Academic Advancement of Youth at The

John Hopkins University found that “[c]hildren of performance goal parents were significantly

more likely to exhibit dysfunctional perfectionism than children of learning goal parents,

reporting a combination of high concern about mistakes, doubts about actions, parental

expectations, and parental criticism” (651). The high stakes and negative consequences of

dysfunctional perfectionism offer an urgent impetus to better understand these determinative

parental goals.

Ablard and Parker define performance goals as prioritization of their gifted student’s

“competence and attainment of socially set standards” (657). These included a focus on end-

goals and discernable metrics such as achieving good grades, ranking at the top of the class,
 Dennerlein 6

completing higher education, and earning high wages in a socially distinguished field (Ablard

and Parker 657). Learning goals, in contrast, put value in the process of the learning and

development of the child, including valuing traits such as self-direction, challenge-seeking, and

enjoyment of education (Ablard and Parker 657).

Ablard and Parker also found that within academically gifted students, 32.8% were

nonperfectionists, 41.7% were healthy perfectionists, and 25.5% were dysfunctional

perfectionists (654). These figures comport with the work of Wilson and Adelson, showing that

although not all gifted students are perfectionists, 67.2% of gifted students display perfectionistic

tendencies, and of those 25.5% experience perfectionism in a detrimental, dysfunctional way.

These dysfunctions include anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional instability that prevent students

from taking academic risks or embracing new educational strategies, hindering their ability to

achieve full intellectual potential (654). A notable finding concerning the correlation between

parental attitudes and dysfunctional perfectionism is that “children of performance goal parents

were significantly more likely to be in the dysfunctional perfectionism group than children of

learning goal parents” and that they were “more likely than children of learning goal parents to

have a combination of high concern about mistakes, parental expectations, parental criticism, and

doubts about actions” (Ablard and Parker 660-661). Having discussed the significant link

between dysfunction in gifted students and performance goal attitudes in parents, it is worth

noting particulars of the research conducted.

The Ablard and Parker study looked at 460 sets of parents of sixth-grade gifted students

who had scored at an unusually high level on the Secondary School Admissions Test (SSAT)

and ranked in the 97th percentile for standardized school testing. Both parents and students were

rated on their answers regarding education goals and the Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale

(MPS) which measures a student’s level and type of perfectionism, including “Concern over
 Dennerlein 7

Mistakes, Personal Standards, Parental Expectations, Parental Criticism, Doubts about Actions,

and Organization” (Ablard and Parker 656). While the researchers found no significant variation

for performance goals and parents’ education level, they did find that ethnicity played a role in

determining the type of goal a parent possessed, suggesting an opportunity for further research to

better understand the ethnic elements that play a part in harmful parental goals. Ablard and

Parker conclude that understanding the causal link between performance goals and dysfunctional

perfectionism can help parents and educators to foresee and help prevent the weighty burdens

that develop from the pressure of performance-based education goals (664-665).

Parental Performance-Based Affective Responses

In the area of parental warmth towards children, research shows an unfortunate link

between the amount of personal worth a parent holds in their child and the hostility a parent

displays when that child fails academically. Combining two separate studies supported by the

National Institute of Mental Health, peer-reviewed research completed by Florrie Fei-Yin Ng et

al. makes a clear link between child-based worth and affective responses. The first study relied

on daily interviews with children and parents. In the second study, children’s cognitive testing

scores were carefully manipulated in a laboratory setting, and parents’ subsequent affective

responses were recorded and meticulously divided into categories of warmth or hostility (Ng et

al. 165). Worth noting is that both studies only studied mothers’ affective responses but included

significant numbers of both Chinese and American test subjects, hinting at a possible universality

of this phenomenon in mothers (Ng et al. 165).

Ng et al. find that mothers with higher levels of child-based worth tend to treat their

children with more hostility when they fail than mothers with lower levels of child-based worth

(Ng et al. 165). In fact, although almost all mothers were found to be less warm towards their
 Dennerlein 8

children on days that they failed in school, mothers with higher child-based worth “became even

less warm (vs. hostile) toward children the next day compared to the day failure occurred” (171).

This suggests that high levels of child-based worth may result in long-term and ongoing hostility

towards a child and possible grave effects for the child’s mental well-being. Additionally,

mothers with high child-based worth do not appear to be encouraged by their children’s

successes. These mothers “feel threatened by children’s failure without being assured by their

success, which seeps into their affect in interacting with children” (Ng et al. 176). The

unfortunate consequence of this finding is that no matter how well a child performs, he or she

still may not receive warmth and praise from their mothers. The children become hamsters

running on their wheels, endlessly fighting to earn their mothers’ affection with little real

possibility of achieving it.

The researchers also found mothers with high child-based worth to be highly controlling

even when the child was succeeding (Ng et al. 177). Although Ng et al. conclude that while these

parents may effectively boost their child’s grades by withholding their affection and love after

failures, this comes at a significant cost to the child’s well-being. Children of mothers with high

child-based worth are likely to feel guilty that they are disappointing their mothers; many not

only have severe anxiety over failure but are also likely to believe that their worth is determined

by their academic success (Ng et al. 179). Even if subconscious and unintentional, withholding

warmth from a child due to their academic performance can have serious and long-lasting

effects. High child-based worth is a subtle and possibly sinister attitude in parenting that can

develop emotional instability in students and prevent them from developing a healthy

relationship with their intellectually gifted mind.

 Dennerlein 9

Possible Parental Solutions

Although parents can hinder the academic and emotional health and development of their

gifted child, researchers have developed promising methods and strategies for parents to help to

promote a child’s healthy relationship with educational performance. In “The Carpenter vs. the

Gardener: Two Models of Modern Parenting,” Shankar Vedantam, national social science and

human behavior reporter for NPR, explores pertinent answers to these questions with Alison

Gopnik, professor of philosophy and psychology at the University of California, Berkeley.

Gopnik’s analogy of the gardener and the carpenter represents two opposing methods of

parenting and illustrates the type of mental shift required for parenting healthy students.

The carpenter method focuses on parents’ end goals for the child, relying on the belief

that “if you just do the right things, get the right skills, read the right books, you're going to be

able to shape your child into a particular kind of adult” (qtd. in Vedantam). This requires simply

planning out what the parents want the child to be and then molding the child’s every experience

to further that goal. The problem is that life is much more nuanced and complex that the

carpenter model considers.

The gardener expects life to throw curveballs and recognizes that a parent cannot usually

control outcomes. This methodology is much more like giving a child “protected space in which

unexpected things can happen than it is like shaping a child to come out to be a particular kind of

desirable adult” (qtd. in Vedantam). This model considers the nuances and unpredictability of

life, and allows children to explore and fail in a safe environment.

On the contrary, Gopnik explains, carpenter parents create a lot of stress for their children

by creating unrealistic expectations (Vedantam). Kids can be molded, yes. But trying to fit them

into a particular mold, devoid of autonomy, exploration, creativity—importantly devoid of the

opportunity to fail in a safe and loving environment—will doubtlessly create the type of self-
 Dennerlein 10

doubting, highly stressed student is headed down the path towards dysfunctional perfectionism.

Gopnik warns that “high levels of anxiety, high levels of fear…is… what you would predict

from the carpentry story” (qtd. in Vedantam). Gopnik’s advice is to create a safe environment for

a gifted child to play and explore; that is the best way to ensure success. Trying to shape the

child into a desirable mold will more likely backfire than achieve the desired results. Although a

general shift in parental attitude can have tangible effects, what are some specific techniques that

parents can use to help their gifted children?

Wilson and Adelson recommend a number of approaches to counteract the debilitating

perfectionism that gifted students may carry. Much like the concept of learning-based goals

Ablard and Parker promote, Wilson and Adelson advise that parents can help students with

academic performance anxiety by working to “deemphasize grades and external evaluations,

focusing instead on growth, learning, and the satisfaction from completing projects and

homework—before the grades are returned or work is evaluated” (10). In this regard, the

learning process becomes the essential and worthy goal of education. It also shifts the goal from

external social metrics for success and realigns the focus to learning enjoyment and internal

satisfaction. This helps the student to be able to act out of self-motivation and curiosity rather

than a set of strict and looming goals of performance. Wilson and Adelson also recommend that

parents model imperfection and failure with calm grace. Invite and encourage the child to engage

with characters in books and movies that exemplify imperfection (10). Applaud them, discuss

their bravery, deemphasize the negatives and show how failure can be a valuable learning

experience. Emphasize that Queen Elsa consistently struggled and that it was the way that she

handled failure that made her a great queen, not her perfection. The key in these suggestions is to

reorient education towards the learning process and accept and encourage failure and

exploration. This will help combat the gifted child’s natural tendency to obsess over achieving a
 Dennerlein 11

specific grade and to believe that his or her value lies in external achievement. Ultimately the

student should be able to separate their conception of personal worth from their academic

performance.

Conclusion

Much as Elsa struggled with her unique and complex identity as a gifted individual, so

too do academically gifted children struggle with a complex set of pressures and anxieties.

Although some of these are natural, internal instincts like a drive towards perfectionism, studies

have shown that parents also play a role in encouraging dysfunctional perfection, a tendency

detrimental to the health and well-being of the child. Although parents can exacerbate these

issues, they can also be their child’s greatest advocate. We have seen that learning goal parents

are significantly more likely to cause healthy perfectionism than performance goal parents. We

have also noted that high levels of child-based worth can actually cause hostility towards the

child and result in the child feeling guilty, to fear failure, and to judge their own worth by their

academic performance. Creating a safe environment for a gifted child to fail and explore—even

encouraging examples of healthy failure—can help a child to adjust to their own intelligence in a

healthy way, and to develop the skills to become an accomplished, self-motivated, highly

competent adult who is well suited to navigate a complicated world.

 Dennerlein 12

Works Cited

Ablard, Karen E. and Wayne D. Parker. “Parents' Achievement Goals and Perfectionism in Their

Academically Talented Children.” Journal of Youth and Adolescence, vol. 26, no. 6,

Kluwer Academic Publishers-Plenum Publishers, 1997, pp. 651–667. SpingerLink, doi-

org.offcampus.lib.washington.edu/10.1023/A:1022392524554. Accessed 13 Feb. 2019.

Anderson-Lopez, Kristen and Robert Lopez. “Let It Go.” Frozen, Walt Disney Music Company,

2013. Spotify¸ open.spotify.com/album/4bRSnKtjnZzzDTvZuGIsqb. Accessed 27 Jan.

2019.

Manning, Sandra. “Recognizing Gifted Students: A Practical Guide for Teachers.” Kappa Delta

Pi Record, vol. 42, no. 2, 2006, pp. 64–68. EBSCOhost,

eds.b.ebscohost.com.offcampus.lib.washington.edu/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?

vid=1&sid=60891ad4-894f-4a81-9d85-2207d36b3465%40sessionmgr120. Accessed 12.

Feb. 2019.

Ng, Florrie Fei-Yin, et al. “The Role of Mothers' Child-Based Worth in Their Affective

Responses to Children's Performance.” Child Development, vol. 90, no. 1, 2019, pp.

e165–e181. Wiley Online Library,

doi-org.offcampus.lib.washington.edu/10.1111/cdev.12881. Accessed 13 Feb. 2019.

Shapiro, Joseph. “For Many with Disabilities, ‘Let It Go’ is an Anthem of Acceptance.” NPR, 22

Jan. 2019, www.npr.org/2019/01/22/686690655/frozen-let-it-go-disabilities-american-

anthem. Accessed 13 Jan. 2019.

Vedantam, Shankar. “The Carpenter vs. the Gardener: Two Models of Modern Parenting.”

Hidden Brain from NPR, 11 Dec. 2017, www.npr.org/templates/transcript/transcript.php?

storyId=569907638. Accessed 13 Feb. 2019.

 Dennerlein 13

Wilson, Hope E., and Adelson, Jill L. “Perfectionism: Helping Gifted Children Learn Healthy

Strategies and Create Realistic Expectations.” Parenting for High Potential, vol. 7, no. 3,

2018, pp. 8–11.