*

THANDO:
BOSSLADY*

Epi
sode1

Wewal kedint
otheclubt hatnightandi twaspacked.
Luckil
ywehadmadear eservationearli
erthatweek.
Wegott othedoor,gotourtagsandwer eleadtoour
seatsint heVIPsecti
on.Awai tr
esscamet oour
tabl
et otakeourorder,andt onightIfeltli
kegett
ing
drunk.Wor kwashect i
candIhadj ustbrokenupwith
myboy fr
iendsoIneededt ol etmyhai rdown.
Me:
CanIgetabot
tl
eofHendr
ick’
sGinandpink
t
oni
c,wi
thsomegr
apef
rui
tandcucumbersl
ices.
Khany
i:Hay
igi
rl
,you’
rei
nthatki
ndofmood?
Me:
Def
ini
tel
y!
!
Thegir
lsor
deredchampagne,
wineandvodka.The
tabl
ewaspacked,wegotahubbl
yandthenight
offi
ciall
yst arted.Wedanced, wedr ank,wesmoked…
i
twaswonder ful nostresses, j
ustast r
essfree
Fri
dayni ghtandi twasonl yladies.Wet ookacoupl e
ofselfiesandi fImustsaysomy self,welooked
awesome.Wehadguy slookingatusandt r
y i
ngtheir
l
uckwi thusbutwewer en’thav ingit.Bythet i
mei t
wasmi dnightIwast i
redoft hegi nandswi t
chedt o
champagne.Weor deredt womor ebot tl
es,itdi
dn’t
seem l i
ket hi
sni ghtwasendi nganyt i
mesoon.I t
washotashel landIneededt obreat heabit.I
si
gnal edforSam t hatIwasgoi ngt osmokeandshe
gavemet humbsup.Ist eppedoutt hebackoft he
cl
ubandi nst antlyf el
tbetter
, Istumbl edabi tandthe
bouncerwal kedt owardsme.Iputmyhandout ,
“Si
r
I’
mf i
ne.Ij ustmi ssedmyst ep.I ’
m ok. ”
Hewentbackt ohispostandst oodthere.Iwas
weari
ngabl acklingeri
eliket
opwi t
ht i
ghttornjeans
andanudepoi nt
yheel,Ihadtakemybl azeroff
becauseoft heheat.Il
itmycigarett
eandsmoked,
wasoutt hereforabout3mi nutesthenamancame
outtosmoke.Hegr eetedandIgreetedback, t
hrew
mycigaretteonthef l
oorandstompedi twi t
hmy
heel
.
Hi
m:Don’
trunawaybecauseofmenow.
Me:
I’
m not
;Iwasj
ustdonewi
thmyci
gar
ett
e.
It
urnedar
oundt
owal
kinsi
de,
hehel
dmyhand.
Hi
m:Letmebuyy
ouadr
ink.
Me:
Letgoofmyar
m,andnot
hanks.
Ipull
edmyhandawayf rom hi
sandwalkedback
i
nside.Thegir
lswerest
il
latit
.AndIt
ookoneofthe
shotonthetableIdi
dn’
tevenknowwhatitwasbut
i
twasni ce.
Me:
Canwegetmor
eoft
hese?
?
Sam:
Whoa!Hel
lyeah!
!

Myfeetwerestar
tingtoachesoIsatdown.The
wait
resswal
kedtowar dsuswith3bott
lesof
champagne,andtheywereli
tupwithfi
recracker
s.
Sheplacedt
hedrinksinfr
ontofusandl ookedatme.
Shehandedmeacar dandpoint
edtoat ableatt
he
VIPsecti
ononthehigherlev
eltous.Il
ookedupand
sawt heguyf r
om outsi
de, hewavedatmeandI
didn’
twav eback.It
urnedbackt othegir
lsandtook
anothershot.Iputt
hecar dinmycl ut
chwithout
evenr eadi
ngit.Wecontinuedparty
ingandI
compl etel
yfor
gotaboutt hemysteri
ousmanwho
boughtusal lt
hatchampagne.Itwas2h30andIwas
ti
red,drunkandhungr y
.
Me:
Ladi
es,
let
sgetoutofher
e,I
’
m st
arv
ed.
Khany
i:Seconded.
Pi
nky
:McDeez

Wewerefi
nishi
ngoffourl
astdr
inkswhent
he
wai
tr
esscameby .
Her
:canIgety
ouany
thi
ngel
se?
Me:
Canwegett
hebi
l
lpl
ease?
Her
:Yourbi
l
lhasbeenset
tl
edma’
am.
Me:
Whatdoy
oumeanset
tl
ed?
Her
:MrDeCost
aset
tl
edy
ourbi
l
l.
Me:
Uhm?Who?
Shepoi ntedov ert othegent l
emant hatIhadmet
outsidesmoki ng, thesamegent lemenwhosentov er
thebot tl
esofchampagne.Hewast alkingt osome
men…Ij ustr olledmyey esandt oldthel adi eswe
shouldgo.Wet ookanUbert oMcDonal d’ s,wewer e
drunkandr owdy .Wewer et heonl yonest her e;we
orderedsomuchf ood,satdownandst uff edour
faces.Af t
ert hat ,weal ll
eftf ormyhouset hegi rl
s
woul dbesl eepi ngov ertoni ght.Wegotanot herUber
there,byt het imewear r
ivedi twas5am andt he
alcohol hadst artedt owearof f
.Thegi rl
swent
upstairstosl eep.Iwasn’ tfeel i
ngverysl eepysoI
wentt omyr oom andt ookashower .Icompl etely
sober edupaf t
ert hat.Ichangedi ntoy ogapant sand
alazyv est ;Igr abmyl aptopandwal kdownst airs.I
brewedaf reshpotofcof feeandsetupmyl apt op
ont hecouch.Imadeal argemugofcof feeandsat
downt ost artwor king.Iopenedmyemai lsandt here
wasanemai l f
rom anaddr esst hatIdidn’ trecogni ze.
Theemai lr ead:
Goodmor
ningMi
ssKhumal
o,
Ihopey ouhadawonder f
ulni
ght/morning.Youlef
t
beforeIcouldevensaygoodbye.Youandy our
fr
iendsseemedt ohavehadahect i
cnight,get
enoughr estIwi
l
l t
alkt
oyoulat
er .

Hopet
oseey
ouagai
nsoon.

Regar
ds,

K.DeCost
a
[
11/
23,
15:
43]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode2

Mbal
i
:Whoi
sMrDeCost
a?
Me:
Mbal
iman,
whyungi
thusa?
Mbal
i
:Whyy
ousoj
umpy
?
Me:Becausey
ou’
recr
eepi
nguponmei
nmyown
house!
Mbal
i
:Wel
l
,whoi
she?
Me:Don’tknowreal
l
y,butheset
tl
edourbi
l
latt
he
cl
ublastnight
.
Mbal
i:Wel
lhowdi
dhegety
ouremai
laddr
ess
t
hough?
Me:
Idon’
tknow,
may
beourwai
tr
essgav
eitt
ohi
m?
Mbal
i
:Di
dyoumaket
her
eser
vat
ionswi
thy
ouremai
l
?
Me:
Yeah
Mbali
:Wel lbingo!Weknowhowhegotyouremail
,
buti
st hatevenallowed?Shei
sn’
tal
l
owedtogiv
e
outcl
ientinformation.
Me:Idon’
tknowMbali;Iguesshegaveheraheft
y
t
iptogeti
t.Idon’
tcar
eIam notenter
tai
ninganyof
t
his.

Icl
osedmyl apt op,wasal it
tlebitannoyedreall
y.
Howcoul dhej usttakemyper sonali
nformati
on
withoutaskingf ormyper mi ssion?Nxatypi
cal men!
Igotup, Ineededaci gar
ette,Iopenedmycl utchand
gotaci garet
teandIsawt hecar d“MrDeCosta”sent
overlastnight.Itread:Youl ookawesomet onight,
cal
lmesomet
ime0835479855.
Si
gnedK.

Thismanwasf ullofhimsel fyer

r,Iwentout sideby
thepat i
osatont hecouchandl i
tmyci garette.What
didthismanwant ?Whyme?Hay iIwasn’tinterested
i
nst arti
nganewr el
ati
onshi pmanj enotafter
everythi
ngt hathadhappenedwi t
hSpha, Icoul dn’
t
deal.Ismokedmyci garetteandwentbacki nside.
Theweat herwasst art
ingt ogetchill
y,andaf ter
receivi
ngt hatemai l
IknewIwasn’ tgoingtogetany
wor kdone.SoIwenti ntot hekit
chent ofi
xusup
somebr eakfast.Mbalijoinedmeshor tlyaftershe
fi
nishedt akingashower ."Needsomehel pchef ?"
Webot hgiggled.
Me:
Nobabe,
Igott
his.
Mbali
:WellI
’
llsi
ther
eandwat
cht
hen.Gotanycol
d
champagne?
Me:
Checkt
hef
ri
dge.
Mbal
iopenedt
hef
ri
dge,
gotoutchampagneand
or
angejui
ceandf i
xedusupsomemi mosas.Well
wi
ththesegir
lsi
t’
snevert
ooearl
yforal
cohol,
plus
wewereallof
ftodaysowhynot.

Mbal
i
:Sowhaty
ougoi
ngt
odoaboutMrDeCost
a?
Me:Mbali
Iam notreadytobeinar
elat
ionship
any
timesoon.Ineedtofocusonmybusinesses.
Khany
i:Wel
lIt
hinkhei
scut
e!Beer
?
Me:Youdon’
tev
enknowwhowear
etal
ki
ngabout
!
(
Ipoint
edtot
hefri
dge)
Khany
i:Theguyatt
hecl
ub,
he’
shot
!!
Me:
Wel
lIam noti
nter
est
ed.
Mbali
:Maybehewi llhelpyougetoverSpha,I
’
m not
sayi
ngmarrytheguy .Justhangoutwithhi
m, t
otake
yourmindof
fthings.It’
sbeennearl
yay earsi
nce
ever
ythi
nghappenedwi thyouandSpha.
Me:Notreadyf
orthat,Khany
ipl
easepassmemy
ci
gar
ett
esbymyl aptop.
Icont
inuedwi
tht
hescr
abbl
edeggsasal
lthegi
rl
s
camedownonebyone.Wel aughedaboutt
he
event
sofl
astnight,
drankal
il
bit
,thensati
nthe
l
oungetohavebreakfast
.

Pi
nky
:Canwegetsomeheatpl
ease,
it’
scol
dinher
e.
Me:
Oni
t.
Mbali:Wel
lfoundhim.Soapparent
lyMrHi m owns
theclubwewer eatl
astni
ghtwithseveralot
her
clubsher
e,i
nDur banandJohannesburg.Heis
l
oaded.
Khany
i:Okay
,and?
Mbal i
:Heismar ri
edthough….Butwi festaysin
Londonwi ththechil
dren.St or
iesonl
inesaythatthe
chi
ldrenareinschool overseasthat’
swhyt hefamil
y
i
st hereandher unshisclubsandbusi nessesfrom
SouthAf r
ica,
howev ertherewer erumorsabouta
separati
on.Wow, checkt hisout…(Pause)
Me:
Wel
l
?
Mbali:
Hasanetwor
thof2.5bi
l
li
on.Known
associ
ates,
Toky
oSexwal
eandSiphoNkosi
.
Sam:Yout
alkshit
,howcomenoneofusknow
any
thi
ngaboutthi
sguy?
Me:
Exact
ly.
Mbali:Ican’
tanswert hat
,butdudethisguyis
l
oaded.Andseemst obeveryimport
ant,ther
ear
e
hundredsofarti
clesabouthim.Idon’tknowif
getti
ngintoarel
at i
onshipwit
ht hi
sguywoul d
actual
lybeagoodi dea.
Me:
Wel
lgoodt
hingIwasn’
tpl
anni
ngoni
tany
way
.

Wehadourbreakfastandcleanedup,
theladi
esleft
onebyone.ThenitwasjustmeandMbal i
.We
watchedamovieandf el
lasl
eeponthecouch.Woke
uponlyar
ound15H00, Iguesswewereti
redafteral
l.

Mbali andIweret heclosestoutofthewholegr

oup.
Wehav ebeenf r
iendssincet hi
rdgr
adewhenI
changedschool s.Iremembert hefi
rstdayImether
l
ikeitwasy esterday.Mymom hadpastawayaf ew
mont hsbefore,mydadmov edustoanewt own
wher eIdi dn’
tknowany one.Hehadj ustgota
promot ionatmyuncl escompanyandwasheadi ng
somedepar t
ment,sothatiswhyweneededt omove.
Hehadt obecl osert
owor k.Hedr oppedmeof ft
hat
mor ningandl eftmeintheof f
ice.Mrs.Taylorcame
formeandt ookmet oherclass.Shei nt
roducedme
tothecl assandmademesi tnexttoMbal i
;wewer e
theonl yblackpeopleintheclass,actual
lyinthe
whol egr ade.I
twaswei rd,
Ifeltweir
d.Shepassed
meanot eandr ol
l
edherey es.
Iopenedt
henot
e,i
tread:Ri
chbl
ackkidhey
,
welcometot
hegang.Iam t
hegang.
IlaughedwhenIr eadt henote.Andwehav ebeen
i
nsepar ableev ersince.Af t
erthedeathofmyf at
her,
sheconv i
ncedherpar entstoadoptme.Butt he
socialwor kerwasagai nstitforsomer eason.Iwas
senttost aywi thaf ami l
yinCapeTown, andwel ost
allcontact.Itwasonl yaf t
erwemat r
iculateddidwe
reunit
e.Sheaskedherpar enttosendhert o
universit
yinCapeTownbecauseshehadhear dI
wast hisside.WhenIbecameanadul tImov edout
ofmyf osterparentshomet ostaybymy self
,my
fatherhadl eftmemoneysoIwasabl etoaccessi t
andl iveonmyownsi nceIwasanadul t
.Ittook
Mbal i7mont hst ofindme, andwehav epromi sed
nott oleteachot hergoev eragai
n.Andt il
lthisday,7
year slaterwehav ekeptt oourpromise.Wet alkon
thephoneatl east3t i
mesaday ,
wet extthroughout
thedayandseeeachot her3timesaweek.Wear e
pract i
callysi
st er
s.Herpar entstr
eatmeast heirown
child,theyaremyf ami ly
.Theonlyf amil
yI’veev er
knownsi ncet hepassi ngofmyf ather.

Wehadact uallydonewel lforourselves;Mbal iwas

i
nchar geofherf ami l
ybusinessi nCapeTownand
shehadherownaccount ingf ir
m.Meont heot her
hand,Iowned2r estaurants,acul i
naryschool and
myowncooki ngshow.Ir anapr ogram t hatassists
star
tupbusinesses.Ev er
y t
hingwaswor ki
ngwel l
for
usbusinesswi se,butlovel i
fe.Wesuckedi nthat
depart
ment ;i
tislikewewer ecursed.Wej ust
coul
dn’tfi
ndlov e.Allthemenwemeetdon’ tseem
tobeseriousenough.Wel lwear eonly25y earsof
age,butsti
ll
comeon!Notev enonesi nglegood
man?Thi
sisn’
tli
fe,
butatl
eastwehadeachot
her
.
[
11/
23,
15:
44]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode3

Myphoner
ang,
itwast
her
est
aur
ant
.
Me:
Peggy
,isev
ery
thi
ngok?
Peggy :
Wellchef,Chr
isisn’tf
eel
ingwel l
andIdon’
t
trusthi
m handli
ngthefoodt oni
ght.Sandrai
soff
thiswholeweekandIcan’ tseem t
ogetahol dof
Thabang.Dinnerserv
iceisabouttost ar
t,wear
e
full
ybookedandwedon’ thaveaheadchef .
Me:Ok,r
elax
.Lettheki
tchenconti
nuewi
thprep.I
’
ll
bet
herein15mins.Hasthelunchcr
owddieddown?
Peggy
:Yesma’
am.
Me:Alr
ighttel
lNombusot ohol
ddownt hefort
i
ncasethereareanylastl
unchorder
sI’
l
l bether
ein
t
imefordinnerser
vice.
Peggy
:Thanky
ouchef
.
Me:
Seey
oui
nabi
t.
Igotupf
rom t
hecouch,
wentout
sidef
oraqui
ck
smoke.
Mbal
i
:Andnow?
Me:
Ineedt
ogoi
ntot
her
est
aur
ant
,noheadchef
.
Mbal
i
:Whi
chr
est
aur
ant
?
Me:
Jamai
caMeCr
azy
i
Mbal
i
:Pl
easecanIcome,
pleasepl
ease.I
’
llbehav
e.
Me:
Whyy
ouwantt
ocomesodesper
atel
y?
Mbali
:Al
lthehotguy
scomet her
e.I
’
llj
ustsi
tatt
he
barandwaitf
oryouti
ll
youdone.
Me:
Okf
ine,
getr
eadywel
eav
enow.

Weheadupstai
rs,showerandgetr
eady
.I’
m
downst
air
swait
ingforMbali
.
Me:
I’
mleav
ing
Mbal
i
:I’
m comi
ng.
Me:
Noy
ou’
renot
Shewalksdownthestai
rslooki
ngall
kindsofhot
.
Whati
sf unnyi
ssheisdressedinof
fi
cewear,but
shest
il
llookshot
.
Me:
Real
l
y,ev
enal
apt
opbag?
Her:
Wel l
themenneedt
oseethatIam aworki
ng
i
ndiv
idual
.Guysli
ket
hat
.Lookatyour
sel
f;y
oulook
l
ikeascull
erymai
d.
Me:
Bit
chy
oudi
dn’
t!
Her
:Ahotscul
l
erymai
d.

Wel aughandheadtotherestaurant
.Idropheroff
atthef r
ontoft
herest
aurantanddr i
vetotheback.I
getthereandever
yonelooksreli
evedbymy
entrance.
Me:
Eveni
ngev
ery
one
Them:
Eveni
ngChef
.
Me: Nombuso, greatj
ob.Every
thi
ngseemst obe
goinggreat.Okguy s,
outsi
deisbuzzing.I
tis
Saturdaynightsandwear eful
lybookedsowearei
n
foranight.Isall
theprepdone?
Ev
ery
one:
YesChef
.
Me:
Peggy
,how’
sev
ery
thi
ngi
nthef
ront
?
Peggy
:Ev
ery
thi
ngi
sfi
neman.
Me:PleaseaskSiphot
omakemeamoj i
to,
cany
ou
pouri
tinthewaterbot
tl
einmyof
fi
ceandbri
ngi
tto
meplease.
Peggy
:Sur
ethi
ngma’
am.
Me:Thanks…ev
ery
onebackt
owor
k,l
et’
sfi
nishpr
ep
anddothis!
Ev
ery
one:
Yeschef
.

Iwentout si
detohaveaci garett
e;Idon’ tr
emember
whenwast hel
asttimeIwasi ntheki t
chenact
ual
ly
cooking.Iwasfeel
ingal it
tl
ebitnerv ous.I
twas
monthend, andaSat urday.Totopi tallof
fwewere
ful
lybooked,sothepr essurewasr eal.

Peggy
:Her
eisy
ourmoj
i
toChef
Me:
ThanksPeg,
I’
ll
bei
nshor
tl
y.
Ifi
nishedmycigaret
teandwalkedi
n.putonmy
apron,lai
doutmyknivesandtookadeepbreat
he.
Justthenoneofthewaitr
essescameinwit
han
orderandhandedittome.
Me: Ok,
ourfi
rstor
derfortheni
ght.St
art
ers:2
ConchFrit
ter
s,3Jerkwings,1j
erkmeatball
sand5
bakedshri
mp.
Ev
ery
one:
yeschef
.

Theor der
skeptcomi ng.Somesmal l
,butt
hebig
tabl
ekeptor deri
ngandIcoul dn’
thelpbutnot
icei
t
wasthesamet able.I
twasTabl e44;Iwasso
temptedtoaskPeggywhowassi t
ti
ngatthetabl
e.
Whati fi
twasi mportantpeople,
Ineededtomake
surethateveryt
hingwasper fect
.

Me:
Peggy
,pl
easecheckTabl
e44f
orme.Pl
easet
ell
mewhoar
eourguests?
Peggy
:Yeschef
.
Justasshel ef
tanorderf
ordessertcamefrom t
he
tabl
e,buttherewereonl
y5dessertorder
s.Idothe
mathinmyhead; 11st
art
ers,
11mai nsbutonl
y5
dessert
s.Iwast hi
nki
ngtohardwhenPeggycamei n.
Peggy
:Chef
,uhm…
Me:
Wel
lcomeoutwi
thi
t.
Peggy:Icoul
dn’
tmakeoutthewholet abl
e,butthere
i
sMr .Kennedy;
CEOofKennedyCor p.Mr.Chan; CFO
ofSinopecandthei
rwi
ves.Idon’
trecognizetherest
ofthem.But…
Me:
Butwhat
?
Peggy
:Wel
ltheyaskedt
ospeakt
othechef
.
Me:
Ser
iousl
yPeggy
?

Shejustst
oodthereandnodded.Ohgosh, Iwasin
suchamess.Iwasf i
lthy
,Itookasi pofmymoj it
o,
wipedmyhandsandt ookadeepbr eat
he.Iwalked
outoftheki
tchen,
IsawMbal i att
hebartalki
ngtoa
handsomeman.Shel ookedlikeshewashav inga
bl
ast
,laughi
ngwi
thadr
inki
nherhandobv
iousl
y.
Iwalkedt otabl
e44andt herewere10peopleseated,
whichwaswei r
dbecauseIwassur eIhadcounted
11.Igreetedeveryone;t
heyalli
ntr
oduced
themselvesandt heirwi
ves,t
heycomplimentedmy
food.Ithankedthem andhadal i
tt
lesmallt
alk,j
ust
asIwasaboutt oleaveIhearavoi
cebehindme.
Hi
m:Sot
hisi
sourChef
?
Hecomesaroundandstandsnextt
ome, heput
s
outhi
shandandIputoutmine.Hekissesmyhand.
Hi
m:Wel
l
,damngi
rly
oucancookt
hatJamai
can.
Me:
Thanky
ou,
Itr
y.(
Noti
mpr
essedatal
l
)
Him:TrustmeIknow,
whenIwaseati
ngitIwas
conv
inceditwasfl
owninst
rai
ghtf
rom t
her
e.
Me:
Thanky
ou,
I’
m gl
ady
ouenj
oyed.
Ipul
ledmyhandaway
;Ineededt
ogetoutoft
her
e
asap.
Me:
I’
m sor
ryImustgo,
theki
tchenneedsme.
Hi
m:Comeon,
hav
eadr
inkwi
thus.
Me:
I’
dlov
etobutI
’
m ondut
y.Sonocando.
Hi
m:Youownt
hepl
ace;
youcandowhaty
ouwant
.
Me: Iknow,andIwantt oservemycl ient
sclear
headedsot heyenjoyjustasyouhav e,haha.(It
hink
Ipull
edoffthatfakelaughperfectl
y)Ihavetoget
going;doenjoytherestofyournight.

Iwalkedawayfrom t
hetabl
eandsi gnal
edforMbal
i
tocome.Iwalkedint
omyof f
ice,andpouredmysel
f
awhi skey
.It
ookitbackal
latonce.
Mbal
i:Di
dyounotjustseethehunkIwaswi
th?The
oney
oujustaskedmet oleav
esoIcancomehere?
Me:Heishere.Mr.DeCost
aisher
e,andheknowsI
owntherest
aurant.
Mbal
i
:Howdoesheknowt
hat
?
Me:Idon’tknowhecall
edformespecif
ical
l
yfr
om
theki
tchen.It
’sal
mostl
ikeheknewthatIwas
cooki
ngt oni
ght.
Ther
ewasaknockatt
hedoor
,Peggypeepedi
n.
Me:
Yes.
Peggy
:Wehav
easi
tuat
ioni
ntheki
tchenChef
.
Me:
I’
ll
bet
her
e.

Ipour
edanot
herdr
inkandt
ooki
tal
latonce.
Me:
getbackt
oyourhunk,
we’
l
ltal
klat
er.
Mbal
i
:Ar
eyouok?
ME:I’
mfi
ne,
we’
reaboutt
ocl
ose,
wil
lbedonei
na
bi
t.
Iheadtothekit
chentofindoutwhatisup,wasn’t
real
lymuchofasi t
uati
on.Ihandl
editin5minutes.
Thecrowdhaddi eddown, j
ustaf
ewt abl
eslef
t.It
wasafter22h00Iwast i
red,
Me: Greatj
obguys,
Nombusoy oucantakeoverfor
therestoftheni
ght
.Ithi
nkitwi
llonl
ybedessert
s
l
eft.Youalldi
dwell
,wasgreatworki
ngwit
hy ou
guys.
Itookmymoj i
toandsteppedoutsi
de,Il
i
tmy
cigar
ett
e.Andtherehewas,intheal
lyal
mostas
thoughhewaswai ti
ngforme.Iwouldbely
ingi
fI
saidIwasn’
tstar
tl
ed.
Me:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngbackher
e?
Hi
m:Ineededt
ohav
eaci
gar
ett
e.
Me:
Wehav
easmoki
ngar
eai
nsi
de.
Hi
m:Wel
lhonest
ly,
Iwant
edt
otal
ktoy
ou.
Me:
Ok,
howcanIhel
p?
Hi
m:Hav
edi
nnerwi
thme.
Me:
No.
Hi
m:Justonce.
Me:
Howdi
dyouf
indoutIownt
hispl
ace?
Hi
m:Not
handopl
ease.
Me:
Howdi
dyougetmycont
actdet
ail
s?
Hi
m:havedi
nnerwi
thmeandI
’
llexpl
ainev
ery
thi
ng
t
oyou.
Me:
NoMr
.DeCost
a.
Hi
m:Pl
easecal
lmeKhenan.
Me:
OkKhenan,
whatdoy
ouwantf
rom me?
Him:Not
handopl
ease,
don’
tdot
his.Canwesi
t
downandtal
k.
Me:I
’mtir
ed;Ij
ustdi
daf
ull
dinnerser
vice,
abusy
oneatt
hat.
Hi
m:Tomor
rowni
ght
.I’
l
lcook,
comet
omyhouse.
Me:
I’
m notcomi
ngt
oyourhouse.
Him:Sothat
’say
es.Gr
eat
,youpi
ckt
hepl
aceandI
’
ll
bether
e.
Me:
Fine.Tomor
rowni
ght
,Iwi
l
lemai
lyout
hedet
ail
s.
Hi
m:Thanky
ou.I
’
lll
ety
oube.
Me:
Thanky
ou.

Heleanedinandkissedmeont hecheekandwalked
away.Iwasl ef
tst
andingt
here,
notexactl
ysur
eof
howIfeltorwhyIevenagreedtodi
nnerwitht
his
man.Gosh, howcouldIbesostupi
d?
[
11/
23,
15:
48]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode4

If i
nishedmyci garet
teandwentinsi
de.Thekit
chen
staffwasscr ubbi
ngthekitchen,
andthewait
resses
wer ecleaningupthefront
.Mbaliwasnowheretobe
seen.Idi al
edher.
Mbal
i
:Babe
Me:
Wher
ear
eyou?
Mbal
i
:Mdui
sdr
ivi
ngmehome.
Me:
Mdu?
Mbal
i
:We’
l
ltal
ktomor
row.
Me:
Besaf
e.Lov
eyou.
Mbal
i
:Lov
eyou.

Icutt
hephoneandsai dgoodbyetoev ery
one.
Jumpedi nt
omycarandheadedhome.Iwast ir
ed,I
gothomet ookof
fmyuni f
orm andjustlefti
tther
e
onthefloorandj
umpedintotheshower .Iwasdone
i
n15mi nsandgotint
obed, It
houghtaboutt he
event soft hedayandIwasact ual l
yal it
tlebit
excitedaboutbei ngi ntheki tchenagai n.Ithadbeen
av eryl ongt imesi nceIcookedi napr ofessional
kit
chen, Imissedi t
.Igotexci ted; Igotoutofbedand
headeddownst air
s.Igotabot tleofwi ne, aglass
andmyl aptop.Iheadedbackupst airs.Isatont he
bedopent hewi neandt ookasi p; Iopenedmy
l
apt opandst art
edwi thmyemai l
s, not hing
i
mpor tant .Butsomet hingcaughtmyey e, Mr.
DeCost awasonl i
ne.Iignor edt hatandwentont o
theint ernet ;Ineedaspacef oranewr est aurant.But
notinCTmay beJHBorDur ban, Dur banseemedl ike
thebet teropt ion.It’
sneart hebeach; lordknowsI
cannotbel andl ocked.Thatwoul dmeanIwoul dbe
ablet ogetf reshpr oduce, especi allyseaf ood.I
searchedf orabout15mi nutesbef oref indingone
optionIwoul dconsi der,Itookdownt hedet ail
sand
cont i
nued.AsIwassear chingt heweb, Iwas
thi
nki ngoft hemenu.Whatcui sinewoul ditbe?
Whatt hecol orschemewoul dbe, t
hesetup.Oh
gosh; Iwasl osti nthoughtwhenmyphoner ang; I
l
ookedatt het imeanddi dn’tnot i
cei thadgot t
enso
l
ate, wel l earl
y .I
twas4am andIwasst il
latit,I
di
dn’
trecogni
zet
henumberbutanswer
edany
way
s.
Me:
Not
handohel
l
o.
Hi
m:Sof
ormal
att
hishour
?
Me:
Hi,
howcanIhel
p?
Hi
m:I
t’
sKhenan.
Myheartski
ppedabeat
,whywashecal
l
ingmeso
ear
lyi
nthemor ni
ng?
Him:Iam sor
rytodi
sturb,
Ijustsawthatyouwer
e
onl
ineandIassumedy ouwerestil
laway.
Me:
yesIam.
Hi
m: Iknowt
hissoundsabsur
d,butwoul
dyouwant
t
otakeamorningrunwit
hme?
Me:
Run?
Hi
m:Yes,
rumorhasi
tyouar
equi
tet
her
unner
.
Me:Haha,Iwonderwhoi
sspr
eadi
ngt
hesehor
ri
ble
l
iesaboutme.
Hi
m:Letusj
ustsayal
i
ttl
ebi
rdi
etol
dme.
Me:
LiesIt
ell
you.Iam busy
;Icannotgoout
r
unni
ngIwi
l
llosemymoment
um.
Hi
m:Any
thi
ngIcanhel
pwi
th?
Me: Wel
li
fyouknowofanyavai
labl
erest
aur
ant
spacesi
nDurbantol
et,
other
wisenope!
Him:Wel
lyou’
rej
ustinl
uck;
Ithi
nkIhavetheperf
ect
spotf
ory
ou.WellIhadpl
ansfori
t,butmaybe,
never
mind.
Me:
May
be?
Him:Imi
ghtbej
umpingthegunher
ebutmay
bewe
cancombi
nebusi
nesses.
Me:
I’
m notsur
eaboutt
hat
.
Hi
m:I’
m notsayi
ngyes,butcanIj
ustpi
tchmyi
dea
t
oyou.Youwill
lovei
t!
Me:
Conf
identmuch?
Hi
m:Al
way
s,Ial
way
sgetmyway
.
Me:
Wel
lgoodl
uck.
Hi
m:Soy
ouwi
l
lhearmeout
?
Me:
Yeah,
shoot
.
Hi
m:Notov
ert
hephone,
I’
ll
bet
her
ein20.
Me:
wher
e?

Wast oolatehehadal readycutt hecal

l.Washe
comi ngher e?Ididn’tunder stand.Howdoeshe
knowwher eIst ay?Hehadonl yseenmeonceand
thatwas2day sago, howdi dheknowal lthi
s
i
nf ormati
onaboutme?Ipi ckedupmygl assandi t
wasempt y, Ipouredmor ewel lonlytofi
ndoutt her
e
wer etwodr opsofwi nelefti nthebottl
e.HadIj ust
fi
nishedabot tl
eofwi neint het i
meIhadsatt here.I
stoodupanddi dn’tknowwhatt ograbfirst,
thisman
said20mi nutesandIwasi nmypy j
amas.Iwentt o
mybat hr
oom; Iwashedmyf aceandbrushedmy
teeth.Iti
edmyhai ri
namessyhi ghbunand
changedi ntoy ogapant s.
“Thi
sistoomuch,”Isaidtomy sel
f.Itookthem off
andtossedt
hem aside.Iputongreyjoggersand
vest
,putonapairofsocksandgr abbedmyl apt
op.
AsIwaswalkingdownst ai
rsthebuzzerwentof f
,I
knewthatwashim.Igott otheint
ercom andbuzzed
himin.Isetupmyl apt
opinthelounge, forsome
reasonmyl oungewasmycomf ortzone, myhappy
space.Myf avorit
epartwasthehuger ug,fl
uffyand
grey;andthemat eri
alcoff
eetables,twooft hem
blueincolor.Il
ovedsitt
ingonther ugwhi l
eIwor ked,
i
twasj ustper f
ect.

Thedoorbel lrangandIwentt oopenit.Forthefir

st
ti
meIact ual
lylookedatKhenan, Hewascasual ,
khaki j
oggersandagr eyroundneckj ersey;t
hewhi te
t-shirthewaswear ingunder neathwasshowi ng
ar oundt heneckandar msbecausehehadpul l
edup
hissl eeves.Hewasi nsocksandsl ippers.Youcan
tell t
hathespentsomet imei nthegym; hewast al
l
andmascul i
ne,darki ncompl exi
on.Hehada
chi seledjaw,hehadl i
ghtbrowney eswi t
hthe
l
ongestl ashesev er
; andIswearheshapedhi s
ey ebrows.Thi smanwasgor geous.

Me:
Comei
n,i
t’
swar
minher
e.
Hi
m:Thanks.
Il
edhimt otheloungeandtol
dhimtosetupwhi
l
eI
gotussomet hi
ngtodri
nk.Ishout
edfr
om the
ki
tchen,
“Iscoff
eef i
ne?
”
Hi
m: Noneedt
oshout
,I’
mri
ghther
e.Andy
escof
fee
i
sgreat
.
Me:
Sor
ry,
mybad.
Hi
m: Whatabeaut
if
ulhousey
ouhav
e.Busi
ness
mustbegoi
nggreat.
Me:
No,
I’
m at
rustf
undbaby
.

Webot
hlaughed,
Imadet
hecof
feeandweheaded
t
othel
ounge.
[
11/
23,
15:
48]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode5

Me:
Wel
ltel
lmeaboutt
hisspace.
Hi
m:Wel
ll
etmeshowy
ou.
Hemov
edcl
osert
omeast
oshowmehi
slapt
op.I
coul
dsmel lhiscol
ogne.Ashetal
kedallIcoul
ddo
waslookatt hi
sperf
ectcreat
urei
nfrom ofme.I
di
dn’thearhalft
hethi
ngshesaid.Iqui
cklysnapped
outofit
.

Me:
It’
sbeaut
if
ul.Whathady
ouenv
isi
onedf
ori
t?
Him:Well,
Iam inthecl ubindustr
ysoIwast hinking
ofsomethingalongt hosel i
nes.ButIthinkthisar ea
woulddowi t
hsomet hingnewsomet hingdiff
er ent.I
t
i
sper f
ectbecausei toverlooksthebeach, and
Durbanpeoplelovet hebeach.Thi sareais
surr
oundedbygol fhousi ngestateandy ouknow
whatthatmeansr ight?
Me:
Housewi
ves?
Hi
m:y
ousai
dit
.
Wel aughed;heshowedmemor epictur
esanda3D
planoftheproper t
yandthesurroundingar ea.We
didsomer esearchontherestaurantsaroundsot o
fi
ndoutwhatcui sineIwouldgof or.Iwassoexci t
ed
andIkeptr ambli
ngonandj ot
t i
ngdowni deas,I
real
izedIwast alki
ngtomyself.Ilookedupand
f
oundKhenanst
ari
ngatmeandsmi
l
ing.

Me:
What
?
Him:Your
eall
ylov
efooddon’
tyou?You’
regl
owi
ng
r
ightnowandseei
ngyouhappymakesmehappy.
Me:WellIlovetocook,it
’salwaysbeenapassionof
mineandt oseemydr eamscomet ruei
sthebest
t
hingever.SoyeahI’
m excited.Iguessal
lthat
’sl
eft
i
sformet ov i
ewtheplaceandt alkmoney.
Hi
m:Wel
laboutt
hat,
Iwashopi
ngwecoul
dcome
upt
osomekindofanagr
eement
.
Me:
Iknewt
hiswast
oogoodt
obet
rue.
Him: Not
hando,
pleasedon’tbel
iket
hat
.Hearme
out.Don’
tjumptoconcl
usions.
Me:
Gosh.What
,whatdoy
ouwantf
rom me?
Him: Nothando,i
t’
snotl i
kethat.Here’sthething.I
havehadt hi
sspaceforsomet i
menow; ithasbeen
vacantev ersi
nceIboughtit.Sowheny ousaidy ou
arelookingforspace,Iknewt hatgiv
ingittoy ou
wouldn’tbeami stake.Andmeet ingwithy ounow
j
ustconfi
rmedthat
,y ourpassi
onandloveforfood
andcooki
ng.I
twoul djustmakebett
ersenseifyou
hadit
;youhaveavisionandapl anf
oritt
hatIdidn’
t
have.
Me:
Sowhati
sthecat
ch?
Hi
m:Don’
tmakemeseem l
i
ket
hebadguy
.
Me:
Tel
lme.
Him:Wellt
hereisapi
eceofpropertyi
n
Mpumalangathatwearedev
eloping.Her
eiti
s(he
openedhi
slaptop)
Sowear ebuil
dingacasinoandhotel
,soIwas
wonder
ingifyouwant ed,onl
yify
ouwant.Youcoul
d
openupar est
aurantatthehotel
?Butyouwoul
dbe
payi
nghereofcourse.Haha.
Me:ok.Uhm,I’
m goingtohav et
othi
nkaboutt
his
whol
edeal.I
tjustseemst oogoodtobetr
ueandI
don’
tknowifIam readyforthi
s.
Him:Howaboutt hi
s,Igetmyatt
orneytodraf
tupa
cont
ract.Theny
oucangety ourl
awy ert
otakealook
ati
t,andthenwecant akei
tfr
om there.
Me:Ok,t
hatsoundsli
keapl
an.Ij
ustdon’
twantto
agr
eetosomethingandt
hengetbur
ntintheend.
Hi
m: Iunderst
andthat
.Iwouldneverhurty
ou
Nothando.Thati
sthelastt
hingIwanttodo,pl
ease
j
usttrustme.

Idi
dn’
tknowhowtorespondtothatst
atementandI
thi
nkhegott
hehi
nt.Hechangedthetopic.

Him:Sowhenwoul dyoubeavail
abletovi
ewt
he
space?Letusnotgetaheadofoursel
ves.
Me: Uhm;l
etmesee…I
’mfr
eeWednesdayt
il
lFri
day
actual
ly
.Sowhenev
ery
ourr
eal
estat
eagentis
avail
abl
e.
Hi
m:I
’
llcal
lherandl
ety
ouknow,
how’
sthat
?
Me:
Finebyme.

Wehadn’
treal
i
zedhowmucht
imewespentt
alki
ng.
I
twasalr
eadymidday
.
Me:Ok,enoughbusi
nessnow.CanImakey
ou
somet
hingtoeat?
Him:It
houghty
ou’
dnev
erask.I
’
vemi
ssedy
our
cooki
ng.
Me:
Please,
youwer
eatt
her
est
aur
antj
usty
est
erday
.
Hi
m:Wel
l
,It
hinkt
hat
’sl
ongenough.
Me:
Fol
l
owme.

Wewal kedint
ot heki
tchen.Hesatatthecounter
whil
eIwentt othefri
dgetoseewhatIcouldfixup
qui
ck.Ipeepedmyheadf rom t
hefr
idge,“
CanIget
youanythi
ngtodr i
nk?”
Hi
m:Yougotbeer
?
Me:
Comi
ngup.

Iopenedupacor
onaandhandedi
ttohi
m.
Hi
m:Thanks
Me:
Arey
oual
l
ergi
ctoany
thi
ng?
Hi
m:NopeIeatev
ery
thi
ng.
Me:
Good.
Hi
m:Howl
onghav
eyoubeencooki
ngf
or?
Me:Nobuddy,Ihav
espokenaboutmysel
fwaytoo
muchforoneday,y
ourt
urn.What’
syourdeal
?
Hi
m:Whatdoy
oumean?
Me:Don’tpl
aydumbwithmey
ouknowwhatImean.
Whatareyouplay
ingat
?
Him:Well,
NothandowhenIsawy ouatt
heclubI
j
usthadtot al
ktoyou.Yougrabbedmyattent
ionand
Itr
iedtoi
gnoreyoubutIkeptcatchi
ngaglimpseof
youfrom t
hecornerofmyeye.
Me:
Soy
oudeci
dedt
ost
alkme?
Him:Notstalkpersay,
Iwantedtomeetyouagai
n
andIdidn’
tknowhow.WhenIf oundoutyouhavea
Jamaicanrestaur
antIj
ustknewthatwasmychance.
Imovedourwhol eenti
remeeti
ngtoyourspot
.I
coul
dn’
tlett
hechancepassmeby
.
Me:
Real
l
ynow?
Him:WhenIt ast
edyoufoodIjustknewy ouwere
theone.Yourcooki
ngisjustl
i
keKalisa’
sifnot
bett
er;andnobodycooksbett
erthanKali
sa.
Me:
Ist
haty
ourwi
fe?
Him:Nothati
smymother.She’
sJamai
can,asam I
,
sobestbel
iev
eIknowal
laboutJamai
canfood.
Me:
Andy
ourwi
fe?Sheknowsy
ou’
reher
e?
Him:
Not
handoy
our
eal
l
ywantt
ogeti
ntot
hisr
ight
now?

Iwalkedovertothefri
dgeandgotabott
leof
champagne, Igavei
ttohimtoopenandpourforme.
Itookasip,grabbedmyknif
eandconti
nuedcooking.

Me:wel
lyesIdo.Iwantt
oknowyouri
ntent
ions,and
Iwantt
oknowaboutheraswel
l.Youcan’
tsithere
i
nmyhouseandsayI ’
mtheonewhenthewhol e
wor
ldknowst
haty
ouar
emar
ri
ed.
Him: NothandoIwantyou,Iam notgoingt otell
you
thatIloveyou;i
tist
oosoonf orthat.ButIknowI
wantt omakey oumine,andexplorepossibil
i
tiesof
usfalli
nginlove.
Me:
Uhm….Iheary
ou.
Him:Withmywif
eitiscompl
icated.Wear
e
separ
ated,
butwearenotdi
vorcedandwewil
lnot
begett
ingadi
vorceanyt
imesoon.
Me:
andwhyi
sthat
?
Hi
m:i
t’
scompl
i
cat
ed.
Me:
Thati
snotgoodenough.
Hi
m:Ify
ouj
ustgi
vemeachanceIwi
l
lexpl
ain
ev
ery
thi
ngt
oyouall
induet
ime.
Me:
Ok.
Hi
m:Okwhat
?
Me:
Justok.
Hi
m:I
’
llpr
ovei
ttoy
ouj
ustwat
chandsee.
[
11/
23,
15:
48]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode6

Igavehi
mt hel
ookandputt hetr
ayint
heov en.I
don’
tknowifIhadagreedtostar
tseei
ngthi
sman.I
don’
tknowwhatjusthappened.Hewasjustsit
ti
ng
ther
esmil
ing.

Hi
m:CanIsmokei
nsi
de?
Me:
yeah,
int
heki
tchen.
Hi
m:shoul
dIl
i
ghty
ouone?
Me:
Sur
e.

Ther estoftheev eni

ngwasqui et;wespokeand
watchedamov i
e.Theweat herwast oocol dtodo
anythingoutside.Sowesati nt heloungewat chi
ng
TheAv enger
s.Iactuall
yenjoy edthis;ithadbeena
whil
esi nceIhadact uall
yspentt i
mewi t
hamanon
myown.Apar tfrom businessmeet i
ngsbutt hose
don’tcountreally
.Sphahadr eall
yhur tmeandI
don’tknowi fIwasabl etotrustaman, especi
all
ya
marriedman.Ididn’tneedhim, whatv aluecouldhe
possibleaddtomyl if
e?Idintneedhi mf i
nanci
all
y,
myf athermadesur eofthat.Ididn’
tneedhi m
emot i
onall
yei
ther;IhadMbal iforthatalso.
Physicall
ymaybe,butithadbeenmont hssinceIhad
beenwi thaman.Di dIreal
lyneedt hat?Idon’tknow.
Hebr ushedmyhair, “
Whatar eyout hi
nki ngabout?
”
Me:
Not
hing.
Hi
m:youhaven’
tsaidawor
dinmay
beanhour
.
What
’sonyourmind?
Me:
Wecant
alkaboutt
hatanot
hert
ime.
Hi
m:Al
ri
ght
.It
’sget
ti
ngl
ate,
may
beIshoul
dleav
e.
ForsomereasonIwasenjoy
inghav i
nghi
m ar
ound
anddidn’
twanthi
mt ogo.SoIlookedupathi
m wi
th
asadlookonmyf aceandIt
hinkhegotthe
message.
Hi
m:I
’
llst
ayal
i
ttl
ebi
tlonger
.
Ismi
l
edathi
m;Isatupandl
ookedathi
m.

Me:
Ok,
let
’ssayIagr
eet
o“get
ti
ngt
oknoweach
ot
her
”wewi
lneedt
ohav
esomer
ules.
Hi
m:ok,
andwhatdoy
ouhav
einmi
nd?
Me:Idon’
tknow,
butIt
hinkIneedt
hem t
opr
otect
mysel
f.
Hi
m:Well
,i
fyoufeely
ouneedrul
esthenthati
sok
wi
thme.I
t’
sastart
,nowwearegoingsomewhere.
Me:Ihaven’
tagr
eedt
oany
thi
ng,
justaskeda
quest
ion.
Hi
m:haha,
Iknowy
ouwantme!
Me:
Mxm,
youf
ull
ofy
our
sel
f.

Justthenthebuzzerwentoff
.Idi
dn’
twanttobe
i
nterr
upted,butt
hebuzzerwaspersi
stent
.Igotup
fr
om thecouchtoanswer.ItwasAyandaandPinky
.
Il
etthem in.

Me:Myfr
iendsarehere.Idon’
tthi
nky
ouwi
l
lwantt
o
bear
oundthecrazi
ness.
Hi
m:Whatar
eyouembar
rassedofme?
Me:
Ther
eisnot
hingt
obeembar
rassedabout
,ha.
Hi
m:t
henwhyar
eyouchasi
ngmeaway
?
Me:
Fine,
sui
tyour
sel
f.

Icl
earedouttheempt ybeerbot
tl
es,andthegi
rl
s
camei n.andwasn’
tjustthe2ofthem,thewhol
e
squadwasher e.

Me:
Guy
s,what
’sgoi
ngon?
Mbal
i
:Comecome,
wewi
l
ltel
lyoual
labouti
t.
Shetur
nedawayandshout
ed,
“Br
ingchampagne
gl
asses.
”
GoshIcouldn’
tevenwarnthem thatIhadavi
si
tor
.I
j
ustheardwithashoutfrom Mbali
,“WhyisMr.
DeCostainyourhouse?
”
Ididn’tanswer,
Icont i
nuedwi thwhatIwasdoingas
i
fIdi dn’
thearanything.Iheardapop, t
henanother
one.Thesegi r
lshadopenedt hechampagnebef or
eI
evenbr oughtt
hegl asses.Icouldheargiggl
i
ngand
l
aughter
,If
eltsorr
yforKhenan.Iwal
kedinandthe
gi
rl
swereallsit
ti
ngaroundhiminter
rogat
ingt
he
poorman.
Me:
Ladi
es,
glasses.
Ihandedhi
m abeerandsatatadist
ance,
Idon’
t
knowwhatwasgoingonhere,andIwasn’
tgoi
ngto
beapartofi
t.

Khany
i:Whatdoesi
tmean?
Hi
m:I
tmeanst
her
isi
ngsun.
Phume:
Soy
ou’
reor
igi
nal
l
yfr
om Jamai
ca?
Hi
m:Yes
Phume:
andhowl
onghav
eyoubeeni
nSout
hAf
ri
ca?
Hi
m:Wel
labout10y
ear
snow.
Mbal
i
:Sowhatar
eyoudoi
ngwi
thThando?
Me:
Hay
iMbal
i
.
Mbal
i
:Nochomi
eIneedt
oknow.
Hi
m:Wel
lwehav
en’
tgott
hatf
ary
et,
Iwantt
ogett
o
knowher
.Iwanthert
obeapar
tofmyl
i
fe.
Mbal
i
:Butar
eyounotmar
ri
ed?
Him:Iam,butIthi
nkthati
saconv
ersat
ionIwi
l
l
haveNothando,
inourti
me.
Mbal
i:Well
thatdoesn’tmeanyouar enotmarr
ied,
andyouhavi
ngar omanticr
elat
ionshipwit
hThando
woul
dmeany ouar ecommitt
ingadulter
y,r
ight
?
Hi
m:Yesi
twould,butagai
nthati
saconv
ersat
ion
f
ormeandNothando.
Ay
anda:
Sowhatdoy
oudof
oral
i
ving?
Hi
m: Iownnightclubsar
oundSA,I
’mi nt
opr
oper
ty,
mi
ning…let
’sjustsayIdoalotoft
hings.
Ay
anda:
Andhowmanychi
l
drendoy
ouhav
e?
Hi
m:2,
aboyandagi
rl
.
Ay
anda:
Andwhyar
etheynotl
i
vingwi
thy
ou?
Me:Ok,
that
’senough.It
hinkt
hati
senoughf
ort
he
day
.What’
swrongwi t
hyouguys?
Ay
anda:
Goshy
ou’
resuchabor
e.
Me:
Wantt
otel
lmewhyy
ouar
eal
lher
e?
Phume:Wellyouarelooki
ngatthenewname
par
tneratMkhize,
Dladlaandassoci
ates.
Me:
What
!!
Phume:Nocorr
ect
ion,
Mkhi
ze,
Dladl
a,Si
thol
eand
associ
ates.

Weal lscr
eamedandhadagr ouphug.Thiswas
greatnewsIcouldn’
tev encontainmyhappiness.A
tearescapedmyey es,Iwasbey ondhappybecauseI
knewhowhar dshehadt oproveherselfi
nthatmale
dominatedfir
m.Shewasagoodl awyerand
deservedthi
s,ever
ylit
tlebi
tofit.

Me:
Sowhendi
dyouf
indout
?
Phume:
Thi
saf
ter
noon
Me:
Andy
out
oldal
loft
hem f
ir
st.
Phume:Wel
lIguessyouweret
oobusywi
thMr.
Jamai
caoverher
e,cozIt
ri
edyouafewti
mesbut
y
ouwer
en’
tpi
cki
ngup.

Wehugged, andjoinedt herestofthegir

ls.Wespent
therestoftheev eningt alki
ngandKhenanwasgr eat
withthegirl
s,hegav er elati
onshi
padvice,business
advice.Theywer etakenbyhi m,andwatchinghow
hehandl edthem mademel i
kehim.Wellmay be,
kindoflikehim.Ididn’twantt ogetaheadofmy self;
thegirl
sgotal ongwi t
hSphat ooandlookhowt hat
ended.

Thegir
lsl
eftandKhenanstay
edbehi
ndtohelpme
cl
eanup.Heputtheglassesi
nthewasherwhi
leI
cl
eanedupthesnacksandwipeddownthesurf
aces.

Me:
Thanky
ouf
orhel
pingwi
tht
het
idy
ingup.
Him:I
t’
salri
ght.IguessIhavet
ogetgoing,I
’m sur
e
youhaveabusymor ni
ngtomor
row.Iti
sMonday
aft
eral
l;I
’
llcal
lyoutosetuptheDurbantri
plat
eron
i
ntheweek.
Me:
Soundsgood.

Iwal kedhimt othedoor .Hegav emeahug; Icould

feelhismuscl esashi shugt i
ght enedar oundme
gently.Ijustst oodt heref oral i
ttlewhile;myhands
wer earoundhi swai standmyheadonhi schest .He
kissedt hetopofmyheadandl etgo.Ihel donal i
tt
le
whi l
elonger ,andt henev entuallyletgo.Heki ssed
mycheekandwal kedawayt ohi scaranddr oveof f
.I
closedt hedoorandwal kedt ot hekitchen.Igota
glassanddr anksomewat er;Iwai t
edbyt hebuzzer
soIwoul dlethi m out .Thebuzzerdi dn’tgoof f
;he
shoul dbeatt hegat enow.Iwal kt owardst hedoor
togocheckwhat ’shappeni ng.Iopenedt hedoorand
Khenani sstandi ngt here.
Me:
What
’swr
ong,
didy
ouf
orgetsomet
hing?
Hedi dn’
tsayawor d,
hesteppedtowardsmeandmy
heartstart
edbeati
ngfast
er.Hegotri
ghtuptomy
face;helookeddownatmeandpaused.Thenhe
l
eanedi nandkissedme,Ididn’
tmove.Heputhi
s
handsar oundmywaistandIputminearoundhi
s
neck, andki ssedhi m backpassionatel
y.Hepicked
meupandIwr appedmyl egsaroundhiswaist.If
elt
hi
sonehandmov etowar dsmybut t
;hewalkedwi t
h
met illwehi tthewal k.Ifeltmybackwasona
paintingthatwashangi ngi nmyf oyer;
hemov edme
acrosst hewal l andplacedmeont helit
tl
etable.He
cameupf orairandj ustlookedatme, Icoul
df eelhi
s
manhoodt hroughhi spant sandIwantedhim.I
want edhi m sobad.Thev einsonhisarmsandhead
wer estickingout .Hekissedmeagai n,t
histi
me
gently.Thenhet ookast epback,heletmegoand
walkedout .
[
11/
23,
15:
49]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode7

*
***
***
***
***
***Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***

Isatinmycartr
yingtocatchmybreat
handthi
nk
aboutwhatIhadjustdone.Whycoul
dn’
tIj
ust
contr
olmysel
f?Whydi dIhavetol
etmyphysi
cal
att
racti
ont
ohergett hebett
erofme?
Imessedup;
shewon’
tev
erwantt
otal
ktomeagai
n.
Butshedidn’tst
opme; perhapssheenj
oyeditas
muchasIdi d.ButIdi
dn’twanttopushi
t;Idi
dn’t
wanttocomeont ost
rong.

Ist
art
edmycarandheadedhome.

*
***
***
***
***
**Not
hando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Ididn’tknowwhatjusthappened,whydidhestop?
DidIwanthi mtocarryonthough?Ididn’
tknow,I
wasj ustlef
tsi
tt
ingther
eont hetablewit
h
Goosebumpsal lovermybody .Thebuzzerwentof
f
andIopenedf orhim.Iwalkedupstair
s,t
ooka
showerandwentt osleep.

Iwokeuptothebeepofamessageonmyphone.I t
wasamessage.IassumeditwasNont osoIj ust
i
gnoredi
tandjumpedint
otheshower .Todaywasn’ t
adaytobeformal;
Iworeapairofanklegrazerjeans
wit
hawhiteshir
tandanavyroundneckj er
sey .Iput
onapai rofblackal l-
star s,If
eltt
oocasual butI
honest lydidn’thavet heener gytodr essup.No
makeup, hi
ghbun.Igr abbedmyphoneandwent
downst ai
rs;Iputfruitandy oghurti
nt hebl ender.My
phonebeepedagai n,Icheckedandi twasKhenan,
twomessages.Fi rstone; Goodmor ningbeaut i
ful
,I
hopey ousleptwel l.Ijustwantt oapol ogizef orl
ast
night,Ididn’tmeanf ort hattohappen.Iknowy ou
haven’ tdecidedwhaty ouwantbet weenusandI
promi sedIwoul dgi v
ey outime.Pleasef orgiveme; I
willcont r
ol my sel
fnextt i
me.
Secondmessage;
Ilef
tmyl apt
opther
elastnight
.
I
’m goi
ngtogetmyassist
anttocomepickitup
duri
ngtheday
.

Ismiledt
omysel
f.Ipackedbot
hthel
aptops,
grabbedmysmoothi
eandheadedtotheoffi
ce.
Nonto:Morni
ngma’
am,
thesecamef
ory
out
his
morning.
Me:
Ist
her
eacar
d?
Nont
o:Yes,
andIputt
hegi
fti
nyourof
fi
ce.
Me:
Thanks,
wheni
sthef
ir
stpr
esent
ati
on?
Nont
o:he’
sov
ert
her
ema’
am.
Il
ookedatmywat
ch;
itwasonl
y07h20.Thi
sguyi
s
punct
ual
.
Me:Tel
lhi
mtosetupi
ntheboar
droom;
I’
ll
bewi
th
hi
min10.

Iwalkedint
omyof fi
ceandt hereweremoreflower
s,
whit
et i
gerl
il
ies,
anov er
sizedteddybearand
chocolat
ehamper .
Ipi
ckedupt
hephoneanddi
aledhi
snumber
.

Hi
m:Whatasur
pri
se.
Me:Wel
lasurpr
iseismewalki
ngintomyof
fi
ceand
f
indi
ngf
lowerbouti
quesev
erywhere.
Hi
m:Doy
oul
i
ket
hem?
Me:
ILov
ethem!
Hi
m:IguessIam f
orgi
ven?
Me:
Def
ini
tel
y.
Hi
m:waswor
ri
edt
her
eabi
t.
Me: Worr
ynot,wearegood.Ipackedyourl
apt
op,
so
yourassi
stantcangeti
ther
e.Ithi
nkthatwoul
dbe
easi
er.
Hi
m:Thanky
ou.
Me:
Ihav
etor
un,
myf
ir
stappoi
ntmenti
sher
e.
Hi
m:By
ebabe.
Me:
Babe?Haha…Hav
eagooddayKhenan.

Idroppedt hecall;Iwentt otheboardroom and

start
edwi ththepr esentati
ons.Ther estoft heday
wentbysl owl y
,itwasbor i
ng.Butther estofthe
weekwasev enlonger .Khenanhadconf i
rmedour
tri
pforDur banThur sdaynight.Iwasexcitedabout
that,andthatwasal lthatkeptmegoi ngt hatweek.I
wasr eadyandpackedonWednesday ,butst i
l
lone
mor esleep.Ihadn’ tseenhi m al
lweek, Imissedhim
funnyenough.Iwentonaboutmyweekt ill
Thursday.
Ididn’thaveanypl ansf orthatday.Iwentt oMbali’
s
off
icetohavelunchwithher,andboughtsomel ast
minutetr
avelsnacksandblankets.Khenani nsi
sted
wedr i
veup,l
ordknowswhy .ButIagr eed.Wewer e
bothoffthewholeweekendandi tseemedl ikefun.
WhenIwasdonewi tht
heshoppi ngIheadedback
homet owaitforhi
m.Hear ri
vedat17: 45;punctual
,I
l
ikethat.

Me:
Real
l
y?I
sn’
tthi
sabi
ttoomuch?
Hi
m:What
?
Me:Thecar
,li
kecoul
dwenotj
usthav
egot
ten
somethi
ngsi
mple.
Him:Babe,I
t’
sthelat
estaddi
ti
ont
othef
ami
l
y.I
needtotakeherf
oraspin.
Me:
Aspinisaroundt
hebl
ock,
notf
rom CapeTown
t
oDurbanKhenan.
Hi
m:Comeseei
nsi
de,
yougoi
ngt
olov
ethi
s.

Isett
heal
arm andsteppedi
ntot
hecarandImust
admiti
twasgorgeous.Hewasexpl
aini
ngt
ome
whatwasi nthecarandwhatnot .AllIgotwas; it
’sa
Mer cedesV- classBar bus,ther estdidn’ treally
mat ter.Ther ewer efourseat sint heback, f
aci ng
eachot her ,i
nter i
orwaswhi tewi that rim ofbr own.I
t
wast hedef i
nitionofcomf ortablereal l
y .Il
ov edi t
,
theseat swer eheatedandt heyr eclined.May be
didn’tneedt hebl anket safterall.Wewer eal lsett
led
andst artedmov i
ng.Khenanst ar t
edof fsitt
ing
acrossme.Wespokeal otaboutbusi ness, and
gener alst uff.Ididn’
twantt opr essur et heper sonal
sideoft hingsj ustyetIwant edt oenj oyus.Wedr ank,
wel aughedImustadmi tIwashav ingf un.We
stoppedf orat oil
etbreakandgotsomef ood,
Khenanwassosweet .Hewai t
edf ormeout si
det he
toil
et; i
twasal mostlikeIhadmyownbodyguar d.
Wewenti ntothegar ageandhest ockeduponj unk,
especi allymar shmallows.Igav ehi mt hel ook.
Hi
m:What
?
Me:
Not
hing,
Idi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ng.
Hi
m:Ij
ustl
i
kemar
shmal
l
owsbabe,
pleasej
ustl
et
mebe.
Hepout edalitt
lebit,Igrabbedhisarm andputi t
overmyshoul derandIhuggedhi m ar
oundhi swai st
andhesmi led.Wepai dandwer ebackont heroad.
Thisti
mehecamet ositnexttome.Heopeneda
packetofmar shmal l
ows, off
eredmesomeI
decli
ned.Thoset hingswer enasty,
Ioptedf orchi
ps.
Hepour edmeagl assofbubbl yandheopeneda
beerforhimselfandl ookedatmeal mosttosay
something.

Hi
m:Not
hando,
I’
m hav
ingagr
eatt
ime.Thi
sisni
ce.
Me:
Met
oohey
,youar
en’
thal
fbad.
Hi
m:Well
Itoldy
oubutyouwouldn’
tbel
i
eveme.Tel
l
mesomethi
ngabouty
oursel
f.
Me:
Somet
hingl
i
kewhat
?
Hi
m:Any
thi
ng,
somet
hingabouty
ourchi
l
dhood.
Me:
Uhm,
Idon’
tli
ket
alki
ngaboutt
hat
.
Hi
m:Ohk,
any
thi
ngt
hen.Howdi
dyoumeett
hegi
rl
s?
Me: Ha,Mbal
iandIhavebeenf
riendssincePr
imar
y
school,
andtherestwemetinvarsi
ty.
Hi
m:AndIthoughty
ouguyshav
eknowneachother
f
orev
er.Theyl
oveyou,
andwantthebestf
ory
ou.
Me:
Iknow.
Hi
m:Iwantt
obewhati
sbestf
ory
ou.
Me:
Dowehav
etodi
scusst
hisr
ightnow?
Him:Iwanttogeti toutoft
heway,sowecanenj
oy
eachotherwithouthavingt
ogobackandfi
ghtov
er
thesamet hi
ngov erandoveragai
n.
Me:
Fine,
tel
lme.
Hi
m:Whatwoul
dyouwantt
oknowf
ir
st?
Me:
Howl
onghav
eyoubeenmar
ri
ed?
Him:It
’sbeen9y
ear
s;wehav
ebeensepar
atedf
or5
year
s.
Me:
Whyar
eyouguy
snotdi
vor
ced?
Hi
m:Ifwegetdivorcedshewil
lrui
nme,shewi l
ltake
mychil
drenandeveryt
hingI
’
vewor kedf
or.Icannot
l
osemybabies.
Me:
Butcanshedot
hat
?
Him:Shehassomet hi
ngonme, fr
om manyy ears
agothatshei
swill
ingtouseshouldIgothrough
wit
hthedivor
ce.Sheiscrazy
;Idon’twantt
ot r
yher.
Me:
Butwhydi
dyousepar
atei
nthef
ir
stpl
ace?
Heclear
edhist
hroatandt
ookasi
pofhi
sbeer
.He
keptqui
et.
Me:
Wasi
tbecauseofanot
herwoman?
Him: I
t’scompli
cat
edNothando;yesi
tisbecauseof
anotherwoman.ButIdidnotcheatonmywi fe.I
havenev erbeenwit
hanyotherwomansincewegot
married,andthi
sisthef
ir
stti
meIhaveev erdone
anyt
hi ngli
kethi
s.
Me: Whythen?Whynow, whywouldyouwanttori
sk
l
osingyourchil
dren?Whatifsheweretofi
ndout
aboutthi
sandnev erl
etyouseethem agai
n?
Him:Shewoul dn’
tdothat.Shewoul dn’
tdivorceme
becausesheknowsIwoul dfightitandgetcust ody
ofthechi
ldren.Shewantst okeept his‘marri
age’
goingsothatshecanliv
et hef ancylif
estyl
e.You
knowhowt hesehousewiv esar e,
sitatthegol fcl
ub
al
ldaygossipinganddri
nki ng.
Me:
Doy
oust
il
ll
oveher
?
Hi
m:No.ast
hemot
herofmychi
l
dren?Yes,
butas
mywi
fe?No.
Me: Thisi
sal ottotakei
nKhenan.ThenifIsayyes
tothisrel
ati
onship,howlongdowehav etorun
aroundplayi
nghi deandseek?WhatifIwanttoget
mar r
ied?Whati fIwantt
ohav echi
l
dren?Ican’
tdo
allt
hosethingswi t
hamar ri
edman.
Him:Not
hando,pl
easej
ustgivemet
ime.Justsay
yes,
andI’
l
ltakecar
eoftherest.
Me:
Canwet
alkaboutt
hiswhenwegett
oDur
ban?
Him:NothandoKhumalo,pl
easejustl
ist
entoyour
hear
t.Youfeelt
hisconnect
ionbetweenus,
don’t
denyit
.

Ikeptqui
et,andthoughttomy self
.Ididfeeli
t;he
mademyhear tski
pabeat .Andhewassowar m so
gentl
ewithme, heseemedsosi ncere.Butthen
againIal
way sdothistomy sel
f,al
waysfallforaguy
atfi
rstsi
ghtwithoutgett
ingtoknowhi m.ButI
coul
dn'
thel
pmy
sel
f.
..

Me:Ok,letusgi
veitat
ry;
butwehavetotaket
hings
sl
owly.Idon’
twanttor
ushint
othi
ngsandendup
get
ti
ngbur nt
.
Hi
m:Iwi
l
lnev
erhur
tyou.Il
ovey
ou.
Me:
Ijustsai
dweneedt
otaket
hingssl
ow.
Hel
if
tedmeupof
fmyseatandi
ntohi
slap;
he
smi
l
edatmeandkissedme.
Hi
m:y
ouwi
l
lnotr
egr
ett
his!
!
Me:
Ihopenot
Hehandedmemygl
ass,
“at
oast
,tous!Tol
ove.
”
Wegi
ggl
edanddr
anksomemor
e.
[
11/
23,
15:
49]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode8

Wemadeanot herst
op,wegrabbedbreakf
astwit
h
Charl
ie.Hel
ookedsoexhausted,
buthesaidhewas
fi
ne.Heaskedtostr
etchhi
slegsabit
; wewait
edin
thecarforhim cuddl
i
ngandki ssing.Wewere3
hoursfrom Durbanandwehadn’ tgottenawi
nkof
sleep.Ourmeetingwasat15h00sowehadenough
ti
met orestwhenwegott here.Iwaswokenupby
Khenan, “
Wakeuppr i
ncess,we’rehere.”
Iyawnedandscr at
chedmyhead.Wewer
eata
beaut
ifulhouse;
wewal kedi
nandwer
egreet
edbya
l
adyatt hedoor.
Her:Mr.DeCost
ani
cet
ohav
eyoubackwehav
e
missedyou.
Him:SorryMah,ithasbeenhecti
c.(Heki
ssedheron
thecheek)Mah,thisi
sNothando,shewil
lbeour
guestfortheweekend.
Her:
Iwasn’tawareyouwer
ebr
ingi
ngcompany
;we
di
dn’tsetupanextr
aroom.
Hi
m:Shewi
l
lbei
nmyr
oom.
Her
:But
…
Hi
m:Butnot
hingMar
tha.
Shewal
kedi
nanddisappear
edi
ntothehugehouse.
Iwast
ir
edandj
ustwantedtosl
eep.
Him:Letmeshowy out
other
oom,
youcanshower
andgetproperr
est
.

Hel edmeupst airstoabedr oom ov erl

ookingthe
beach.Heshowedmear oundt her oom andhel eft
met ogogetmyl uggage.Isteppedoutont othe
balcony;hi
shousewasl i
teral
lyast onethrowaway
from thebeach.Nowt hatexci t
edme, Ican’t
remembert helasttimeIswam i nt hewar m Durban
Ocean.Ididn’tnot i
cehim walki nandst andbehind
me; heleaneddownandki ssedmyhead.Andt old
memyst uffwasi nt heroom, hel i
tmeaci garette
andhi mselfone.HesatdownandIsatonhi slap.
Af t
erthatIshower ed,gotintoapai rofjammi esand
gotintobed.Idi dn’
tknowwher ehewas, butwas
toot i
redtoev enthinkaboutt hat.Idri
ft
edof fto
sleep.

Iwokeuphoursl
aterandKhenanwassleepingnext
tomewithonearm ar
oundme.Hewast oplessand
i
napairofboxer
s.Igotupandcheckedmyphone.It
was14h30whichmeantwewer el
ateforour
appoi
ntment
,IshookKhenanawake,“
it
stwothi
rt
y,
andwearegoingtobelat
e.”
Him:
Uhm?Getbacktobed;I
’
v eschedul
edthe
meet
ingf
oral
it
tl
ebitl
ater
.Pleasegetbacktobed
now.
Me:
It’
shott
hough.
Her eachedf ortheremoteandswitchedontheair
conditi
oner,“Getbacktobednow. ”Hetappedthe
empt ysideoft hebed,andIcr
awledinandhet ur
ned
aroundtof aceme.
Him:Let
’sgetonemor
ehourofsl
eep,andt
henwe
cangetup.I
’mtaki
ngy
ououtfordi
nner.
Me:
andt
hespace?Weneedt
ovi
ewt
hat
.
Him:Babyi
t’
smyspace,Iownit
.Thatmeanswe
canvi
ewitatany
time.Weareher
ethewhole
weekendwecangowheneverwewant.
Me:
Arey
ousur
e?
Hi
m:Ssshhh…
Hegav
emeababyki
ssonmyl
i
ps,
andki
ssedme
againt henhewenti nt oadeepki ss.Nextt hi
ngI
knewIwasunderhi m, andhi sl ipswer eonneckand
downmyshoul der.Thehai rsont hebackofmyneck
stoodup, Icouldfeel hismanhoodagai nstmypeach.
Hewashar dandcoul df eelhewant edmebyt he
wayheki ssedme, hewasbi tingmyl ips.Iwas
alr
eadywetandIwant edhi m asbadl y…hesl i
pped
myt opof fandwor kedonmyt its, hekissedme
downmybel ly.Het urnedmear oundont omy
stomachandki ssedev er yinchofmybackf rom my
neckr ightdownt othemybut t…hesl i
ppedof fmy
pant sandgav emybut terfl
yki ssesonmybut t.He
l
iftedmeupont omykneesandl i
ckedmypeach; i
t
fel
tlikeashockwav ewentt hroughmybody .Heat e
mypeachgent l
yfrom behi ndIcoul dfeel mysel f
readyt oexpl odeandhest opped, turnedmeback
aroundont omybackandcont inuedeat ingaway .I
grippedt hesheet ,bitmyl owerl ipandar chedmy
back, andt henmybodywenti nt oaspasm andIl et
outamoan.Il ookeddownathi m andsawhewas
l
ooki ngupatmesmi l
ing; heki ssedhi swayupt omy
l
ips.Heki ssedmesogent l
y ,andt henwhi sper edin
myear ,“Hhmmm…Fucky out ast esosweet .
”
Me:
Iwanty
ou…
Wewer
ewhi
sper
ing.
Hi
m:Ar
eyousur
e?
Me:
Yeah.
Hi
m:Letmegetacondom.
Hegotupandopenedt hedrawersoneachsi deof
thebed,andnothi
ng.Hewenti ntothebathr
oom,
andnothing.Hewalkedintothecloset
,andIfigur
ed
hedidn’
tfindanyt
hinginther
e.
Hi
m:Wel
lIguesswear
eshi
toutofl
uck.
Me:
Youdon’
thav
eacondom i
nthehouse?
Hi
m: Baby
,comeone.Ihav
en’
thadsexi
n5y
ear
s,
whatdoyouthi
nk?
Me:
Haha,
sor
ry.
Hi
m:I
t’
sal
ri
ght
.

Hekissedmeont
hef
orehead,
“Letmer
uny
oua
bat
h.”
Ibathedwhi leheshower ed;hefini
shedbef oreme
andl eftmei nthebath.Isatt heresmili
ngt omy sel
f
aboutwhathadhappened.Ev enthoughIwant edt o
bewi thhim somuch, Iwasgl adthathedi dn’thav e
anypr otecti
oninthehouse, whichjustconfirmed
thathewasn’ thavingsexwi t
hany body.Idried
my selfup,brushedmyt eethandwentt ogetr eady.
WhenIgott othebedr oom Khenanwasn’ tther e,
therewasadr essont hebedandanot ethatr eady:I
wouldn’ tbeseendeadwi thyouwear ingthecl othes
youpackedf orthi
stri
p.Putt hisonandacarwi l
l
picky ouupi nanhour .LoveK.

Igiggl edandst art

edt ogetr eady,howwasIt oknow
hewoul dwantt ogosomewher efancy?Ithoughtwe
wer ej ustheretov i
ewt hespaceandheadback.He
hadpi ckedar eall
ybaddayt otakemeonadat e,my
hairwasmi sbehaving.Isatdownanddi dmyf ace
fi
rst,kepti tsimplethenbr ushedt hehairi
ntoabun,
av eryf ri
zzybun.Thedr esswasal i
tt
leblackdress,
backl essandal i
ttl
epouf y.Icouldn’
twearabr awi t
h
thi
s, soIputonabl ackthongandsl i
dintothedress
andtomysur priseitf
it
tedli
keagl ove.Ilookedabi
t
l
ikeaball
eri
na, butanelegantone.Iwor eblack
heel
sandcarriedanudecl utch.JustasIwas
appl
yingmylipst i
ckmyphoner ang.
Hi
m:Ihopey
ou’
rer
eady
,thecari
sdownst
air
s.
Me:
I’
ll
bedowni
nami
nut
e.

Hecutt hecall
.Ilookedinthemi r
rorandwentdown,
thedriv
eropenedt hedoorf ormeandwel ef
t.I
thoughthewoul dbewi t
hme, butIguessIwas
meetinghimt here.Thedri
verst oppedandIsaw
Khenan, hewalkedtowardst hecarsmi l
ing;he
openedt hedoorandhelpedmeout .
Hi
m: Wel
lIt
houghtwecouldcheckoutt
hepl
ace
f
ir
stbef
oregoi
ngtograbsupper.
Me:
Ok,
nopr
obl
em.

Thebuil
dingwasnicefrom t
heout
side,cl
osetothe
beach,
highglasssl
idi
ngdoors.Wewalkedinsi
de
andtheplacewasli
tupwi t
hcandl
es,100sof
candl
esevery
wher eandat ablefort
wosetupinthe
middle.Al
adydressedasawai tr
esswai
tedwit
htwo
champagneglasses,Khenanhandedoneov ert
ome
andtookoneforhim.Hewal kedmeovertothe
tabl
eandopenedt hechairforme.
Me:
Khenan,
whati
sthi
s?
Hi
m:Thi
sisy
ourr
est
aur
ant
.
Me:
Imeanwhati
sal
lthi
s?
Hi
m:I
t’
sdi
nner
,aty
ourr
est
aur
ant
.
Me:
Khenan…
Him: Nothandowear eher et
ocelebr
atenew
beginnings;ourrel
ati
onshipandyournewr estaurant.
I
’mr eall
yexcitedthatI
’m abl
etohelpyouopent his
newpl ace,tohelpyourdreamscomet rue.AndIam
l
ookingf orwardtobeingabletodomanygr eat
thi
ngst ogether.
Me: I
’m exci
tedtoo,butl
etusnotgetaheadof
oursel
ves.Thelawyerssti
ll
needtodot hei
rthi
ng,
needtogett henecessar
yli
censi
ng,therei
salot.
Hi
m:Yes,
andwear
egoi
ngt
odoi
ttoget
her
.Just
st
opov
ert
hinki
ng,
enj
oyt
hemoment
.
Il
etoutasi
ghandt ookasi
p.Heraisedhisgl
ass,
“to
us!Weshal
lconquerthewor
ld;
together
!”
Me:
Toget
her(
giggl
i
ng)

Wehaddi nnerandwal kedt hebeach.Ther estofour

tri
pwasgr eat;wecaughtasoccermat ch,metwi t
h
someofhi sfriends.Wef l
ewbackhomeonSunday .
Thesef oll
owingweekswer egoi ngt obev erybusy ;I
woul dhavet obet rav ell
ingbet weenDur banand
CapeTown.Ineededt osel ectdécor ,hirest aff,buy
furni
ture,getamenu, andhi reachef .Thel i
stwas
endless,andwasf eelingsoov erwhelmed.Khenan
gotmeanassi stant,ev enthoughIconv i
ncedhi mI
didn’tneedonehest i
ll i
nsistedIgetone.Af t
eraf ew
weeksofhav ingLer atoar ound, Ireali
zedt hat
Khenanwasr ight ;
butIwasnev ergoingt oadmi t
thattohim.Wewor kedf orDur banmai nly
, west ay ed
i
nKhenan’ shouseandMar thawasn’ tv erypl ease
withhav i
ngusar ound.Idi dn’ tunder standwhyshe
disli
kedmesomuch, butIdi dn’thavet imet ot hink
aboutt hat .Thi ngswer ecomi ngt ogetherwel l
, I
want edt ohav et her estaur antopenbyOct ober .I
neededpeopl et oknowaboutust ohelpboostour
Christmasr eser vations.Thi ngswer ecomi ng
togetherv erywel l
, thesetupatt her estaurantwas
perfect;thespacewasbi genought of it70t ables
comf ortabl y.Iwaschuf fed, allourwor kf orthepast
coupl eofmont hswascomi ngal lt
oget her,thev isi
on
wasal mostcompl et e;all weneededt odowast o
poli
shupt hemenuandwewer egoodt ogo.Ihad
beeni nDur banf oraf ullst raighttwoweeksand
hadn’tseenKhenani nt het i
meIwasher e,we
skypedal mostev er yday .ButonTuesdayIwasf l
y i
ng
toCapeTownf oraf ewday st henbackt oDur banf or
theopeni ngpar tyonSundayev ening.Iwast iredI
wasexci tedbutIwant edi tal ltobeov er,Imi ssed
myhouse, Imi ssedmyf riends.Tuesdaycameby
quicklyandIwasgoi ngt oCT, fli
ghtwasat12h00
andIt hinkKhenanwasmor eexci tedt hanme.He
bookedt hef l
ight, organi zedt het r
anspor ttot he
air
por t,heev enar rangedf ortranspor ttomyhouse
whenIl anded.IwokeuponTuesdayear ly;IthinkI
wast ooexci t
edIcoul dn’ tsleep.Igotoutofbedand
wentf orarunonthebeach.Br eakfastwasbeing
preparedbythetimeIgotbackf rom myr un.I
greetedMar t
haandshej ustgruntedbutIwast oo
excit
edt oevennoti
cehermoodysel f
.Iwentand
tookashower .Iworeblackyogapant sandablack
vestwi t
hblacksneaker
s.WhenIwentdownst ai
rs
andLer atowashavingbreakfastalready.
Me:
Mor
ningsweet
y.
Her
:Hi
boss,
yougood?
Me:
Yeah,
exci
tedaboutgoi
nghome,
you?
Her
:Well
Iwasget
ti
ngusedtobei
ngt
hissi
deand
wasst
art
ingt
oact
uall
yenj
oyit
.
Me:
Youdon’
tmi
sshome?
Her:Wel l
,nonotr eall
y.Iwasmeaningt oasky ouifI
canstayher eandmanaget herest
aurantseei ngwe
haven’tfi
ll
edt hatpositi
onyet
.Thestaffalready
knowsme; Ihavebeenheresincewest art
edt hi
s
proj
ect6mont hsago.Ithi
nkIam t
hebestcandi dat
e
forthejob,Iknowmor eaboutthebusinesst han
anybodyel se.Well,besi
desyouofcour se.
Me:youhaveapoi
ntthere.Haveyoubeensi
tt
ing
her
ewaiti
ngtopr
esentthisinf
ormati
ontome?
Her
:Haha,ki
ndof
.Icametoyourr
oom butyou
wer
en’
tther
esoIf
igur
edIwouldwai
tforyouhere.
Me:
Welll
etushav
ebr eakf
astandIwi
l
llety
ouknow
t
omorr
ow,soundf
air
?
Her
:Thatsoundsf
air
.
Me:
Nowt
ell
met
hati
sor
angej
uice.
Her
:yi
p

Iwenttot hefr
idgeandgr abbedabot t
leof
champagne, Ifi
xedmy sel
fami mosa.Ithadbeen
almost3mont hssi nceIhadn’ ttouchedalcohol.And
forthefi
rstti
mesi ncewest art ed,Iwasabletor el
ax.
Luckil
yIhadpackedt hepreviousni ght,wasn’
tmuch
packingbecauseIwoul dbeleav ingsomeofmy
stuf
fheresinceIwasst ayi
ngher ewhenIwasi n
Durban.Wel ef
tfort heair
port, wecheckedi nandI
call
edKhenanbef or eweboar ded.
Me:
Babe,
we’
rej
ustaboutt
oboar
d.
Him:al
ri
ghtbabe,
Charl
i
ewil
lbetherewhenyoul
and
andhewill
dri
veyouhome.I
’
llseeyoulat
er.
Me:
Alr
ighthoney
,I’
l
lseey
oul
ater
.
[
11/
23,
15:
49]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode9

Hecutt hecall,wasabi tsad.WhatIr eall

yhopedf or
wasf orhimt osayhewi l
lpickmeupatt heai r
por t
,I
wasbummed.Ihadaci garettebeforeweboar ded.
Thef l
ightwasqui ck.Wegotourl uggageandt hen
wentt olookforChar l
ie,Igotacal l
.Iwasscr ambl i
ng
formyphonei nmyhandbagandi tstoppedr i
nging
beforeIcouldanswer ,itwasKhenan.I ’m surehe
waschecki ngi fwehadl andedsaf el
y, Iputthe
phonei nmybag.JustasIl ookedbackupIsawhi m
standingthere, Idroppedmybagsandr ant ohim.I
putmyar m aroundhi sneckandhel i
ftedmeupand
swirl
edmear ound.Heev entual
lyputmedown, he
l
eanedi nandgav emeaki ssandst eppedback.
Me:
Baby
….(
Ipunchedhi
m pl
ayf
ull
y)
Hi
m:What
?Igoty
oudi
dn’
tI?
Me:
Mxm…what
everl
etsgohome.

Leratohadpickedupmybags, Khenantookthem
from herandwewal kedtot
hecar.Wedr opped
Leratooffatherapart
mentandwentt omypl ace.
Homesweethome…goshIwashappyt obeher e.
Khenanwal kedinfi
rst,
hedr
oppedt hebagsint he
foyerandturnedaroundtof
aceme.
Hi
m:I
’
vemi
ssedy
ou.
Heleanedi
nandkissedme;
heswoopedmeupi
nto
hi
sarmsandcarr
iedmeupstai
rs.
Hi
m:I
thasbeenal
ong2weeks.
Me:
Hasi
tbeent
hatl
ong?(
Irol
l
edmyey
esj
oki
ngl
y)
Hel aidmeont hebedandst art
edst r
ippi
ngme
hungr il
y.Wewer enakedi nseconds, atthismoment
wedi dn’tneedforepl
ay.Hegr abbedacondom f rom
thesi dedrawerandputi ton;het r
iedt oenterbut
didn’tsli
pinthateasi
ly.Iwasal itt
letight;he
event ual
lyent
eredmeandst artedt hr
ustingslowl y
.I
couldf eelhi
m deepinmehi sstrokeswer eget t
ing
fast
erandfast
er.Icoul
dfeelmy sel
freadyto
expl
ode,butKhenancamef i
rstandcollapsedonmy
chest.Hewasbreathi
ngheavy.
Me:
Real
l
y?
Hi
m:I’
m sor
rybaby
,Ij
ustmi
ssedy
ou.I
’
llmakei
tup
t
oyou.
Hegiggl
edandlif
tedhi
msel
fsl
i
ght
lyof
fmy
,he
smi
ledandkissedmynose.
Him:Baby
,wehavebeendat
ingf
or6monthsnow
andwearest
il
lusi
ngacondom.Don’
tyouthi
nki
tis
aboutt
imewedit
chit
?
Me:
Wehav
etobesaf
e.
Hi
m: Safef
rom what
?Wehav edonethr
eet est
s
al
ready;
you’
reonyourpr
event
ioninj
ect
ion.How
muchsafercanwebe?
Me:
Baby
,I’
mjustnotr
eadyy
et.
Hi
m:Ok.
Hegotupf r
om t
hebedandwalkedint
othe
bathr
oom,Iknewhewassulki
ng.AndIwasn’
tgoing
toenter
tai
nhim,nopenott
oday
.Itwasmyfir
stday
backandwewer en’
tgoingtospenditar
guingov er
condoms.Igotupf rom bedandwalkedintothe
shower,Igav
ehi m ahugf r
om behi
nd;hedidn’t
mov ehewasi gnori
ngme.Istoodthereforami nut
e
andthenspoke, “
soy ou’
regoi
ngtosulk?”
Hi
m:I
’
mjustt
aki
ngashower
,notsul
ki
ng.
Me:Baby,youdon’
tevenwantt
ohearmyreason,
youj
uststormedoff
.Nowthati
sabitchi
l
dish
woul
dn’ty
ousay ?
Him:I’m sorr
ybutit
’sj
ustfr
ustr
ati
ngthatwecan’
t
takeourr el
ati
onshi
ptothenextl
evel
andIdon’t
understandwhy .
Me:Ial
sodon’tunder
standwhyy
ouf
eel
theneedf
or
ust
ostopusingcondoms?
Het
urnedar
oundt
ofaceme.
Him:Baby,Ineedtobuycondomsf ormyhouse, for
yourhouseandalsot hehouseinDurban.Iam a
busymanandhav i
ngt ostoptobuycondomsi s
suchami ssi
on.AndifIforgettobuythem thenwe
won’thavesex,orIhavetodashoutt othegarageto
gobuy .Doyounotthinkthati
ssomuchwor k,
just
f
ormet
obei
nti
mat
ewi
tht
hewomanIl
ove?
Me:ButK,
youarest
il
lmar
ri
ed.Icannotr
isk
any
thi
nghappeni
ng.
Hi
m:any
thi
ngl
i
kewhat
?
Me:Whati fIfal
lpregnant
?Iwi
llhaveabastar
dchi
l
d
wit
hamar ri
edman?I ’l
lbeasi
nglepar
ent?Thi
nk
abouti
t,howf ai
rthatisonme.
Hi
m: Sot
hisisaboutmebei
ngmarr
ied?Not
hando
wespokeaboutthi
s.Nowyouar
egoingt
okeep
br
ingi
ngitup?
Me:
Didwespeakabouti
tK?

Hewasangr y;hegotoutt heshowerandleftme

standingtherealone.Iquicklyshower
ed;whenIgot
outhewasn’ tthere.Thebedwasf i
xedup,Iwent
downst ai
rsandnot hing.Thecarwasgone, I
checkedmyphoneandt herewasamessagef r
om
hi
m.I tread;Ihadt ogot otheclub,wi
l
ltal
ktoyou
l
ater.
Ir
oll
edmyey
es.Ical
l
edMbal
i
Her
:heybabe.
Me:
Imi
ssy
ou.
Her:Luckyf
ory
ouI
’
m of
fwor
kint
henext30
minutes.
Me:
Yay
,Hudson’
s?
Her
:Per
fectt
herebett
erbeadr
inkwai
ti
ngf
ormeby
t
heti
meIgetthere.
Me:
cool
.Seey
oui
nabi
t.
Ichangedandwentt oHudson’ s.Ior dereduscr af
t
ci
ders,andhadaci garett
ewhilewai t
ingf orMbal i
.I
waswonder ingtot extKhenanornot ,Iopt ednotto.
Hejustlef
tmei ntheshowerandonl ysentat ext,
so
whymustIbet hegi r
lfr
iendexplainingher
whereabouts?Nott oday ….Iwassi tti
ngt hereforan
hourbeforeMbal i
came.Wehadl unchandt alkedtil
l
i
twas19h00.Wesai dgoodby es; Iwoul donlysee
herinDurbanforthel aunchofmyr est aurant.When
IgothomeKhenanwasn’ tt
her
e, hehadn’ ttr
ied
cal
li
ngorsendi ngamessage; not hi
ng.Ichanged
i
nt omyni ghtdresssatont hecouchandwor kedon
thef ini
shingtouchesoft her estaurant;Ipour eda
glassofwi neandkeptwor king.Igott ir
edar ound
mi dnightandst i
llnot hingf rom Khenan.Ideci dedt o
bet hebi ggerper sonandcal lhim.Firsttimet he
phonewentt ov oicemai l
,secondt i
mei twas
answer edbuthedi dn’ tspeak.Ther ewasanoi sei n
thebackgr ound, woment alkingl oudly,musicpl ay i
ng
l
oud.Icutt hecal l;hedi dsayhewoul dbeatt hecl ub,
soIj ustlefthim.Iwentupst air
sandgoti ntobed, I
feltsoal one.KhenanandIhadbeent ogetherf or
about6mont hsnowandi thadbeengr eat,hewas
helpingmeachi evemydr eams, wewer ewor king
toget herli
keawel l oiledshi p.Ihav en’tseenhi mf or
twowhol eweeks; It houghthewoul dbehappyt hatI
washome.Heshoul dbewi thmespendi ngt imewi t
h
me, notoutatt hecl ubhangi ngar oundwi thgi rls.
Washedoi ngt histogetbackatmebecauseI
woul dn’tstopusi ngt hecondom?Hewasbei ngv ery
childish.Isil
ent l
ycr iedmy sel ftosleepandwas
wokenupbyacal lat3am.I twasKhenan, Iignor edit
andt ri
edtosl eepbuthej ustkeptcal l
ing.Iswi tched
myphoneof fandwentbackt osl eep.
[
11/
23,
15:
49]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode10

Iwokeupat6am t henextmorningwi t
haheadache
andpuffyeyes,Il
ookedl i
keshi
t.AfterashowerIdid
l
ookedal it
tl
ebitbetter
.Iwentdownst air
stofi
x
my sel
fbreakf
ast,butendedupoptingf oranappl
e.
Thebuzzerwentof f,
whowoul dbeher esoearlyi
n
themor ni
ng.
Me:
Hel
l
o
Hi
m:Thandopl
easeopenupf
orme.
Really,washebei ngser iousrightnow.Hewasout
partyinglastnightandi snowcomi ngtomyhouse.
Nxa, hehadhi sownpl acewhycoul dn’thej ustgo
there?Nonet hel essIbuzzedhi mi n.Hewal kedin
thedoorl ookinglikehehadbeenr unov erbyat rain.
Ijustlookedathi m andwentt ot helounge.I
switchedont heTVandwat ched.Hedi dn’tbother
comi ngtome, hej ustwentupst air
s.Iassumedhe
wasgoi ngt osleep; Igotupqui cklyandwentt othe
studyIwant edt oseet hesecur it
yf ootagef rom last
night.Iwentbackt ot het i
mehecal l
edme, andsaw
thathi
scarwasparkedatt hegatetheti
mehe
call
ed,at4am hewasfastasleepinthecar,
fast
forwar
d5am hewasst i
llasleepi
nt hedr
iver
’sseat
.I
wasbusyl aughi
ngt
omy selfwhenhewal kedin.
Hi
m:What
’ssof
unny
?
Me:
Not
hing.
Hi
m:Canwet
alk?
Me:Notnow,Ihavepeopl
ecomingtothehouseany
mi
nutenow.Pleasecanwetal
klat
er?
Igotupandwal
kedoutoft
hest
udy
,Icoul
dfeel
him
fol
lowi
ngme.
Hi
m: Not
handodon’
twalkawayfr
om mepl
ease.I
j
ustwanttosor
tthi
sthi
ngout.
Me:Haha, y
ouwanttot al
know?Yest er
dayy ouleft
meint heshowertogopartywit
hy ourwhoresall
ni
ghtlong?AndnowImustsi thereand‘tal
k’ Haha,
Khenanthatisn’
thowitworks.
Hi
m:Not
handol
etmej
ustexpl
ainwhathappened.
Me:
Idon’
twantt
oheari
t.
Luckilythebuzzerwentof f;i
twasmy“ glam team”I
neededt olookgoodf ortheopeni ng.Iletthem i
n
andt heysetupi nthespar er
oom downst air
s.I
hadn’tpamper edmy selfi nalongt i
me; myhai r
neededi tthemostsoIgotaBr azili
anbl owout,they
didmynai ls,waxedmywhol ebodyandgotf ake
eyelashes.Fourhour slaterwasawhol enewper son,
Iactuall
yfeltprett
y;gettingpamper edal ways
workedi ncheeringmeup.Il ettheladiesoutand
foundKhenanpaci ngar oundner v
ously.
Me:
Hav
eyoueat
en?
Hi
m:Canwet
alknow?
Me:
I’
m hungr
ymustImakey
ousomet
hingt
oeat
?
Hi
m:uhm,
sur
e.

Istar
tedwithl
unch,
bur
gers.Iwantedsomet hi
ng
easytomakebutalsof
att
y,justasIfi
nishedmaking
theburgerpat
ti
esMbal
icall
ed.
Me:
Babe,
howy
ou?
Her
:Wher
eisy
ourman?
IlookedupandKhenanwasl
ooki
ngatmener
vousl
y,
“he’sri
ghti
nfr
ontofmewhy?”
Her:
I’
vejustsentyouanemai
l
,It
hinky
ougoi
ngt
o
wanttoseethis.
Me:
Youscar
ingme.
Iopenedmyl apt
opandwentt omyemai l
s.Icouldn’
t
beli
evemyey es,t
hereitwas.Api ctureofKhenan
andhisChinesebusinesspartner
, bothofthem wit
h
thei
rwivesontheirarms.Ididn’
tbot herr
eadingthe
capti
on,“BabeI’
l
ltalktoyoulater
.”Igotupf rom my
seatandKhenanwasst andi
ngbehi ndme.
Hi
m:Babe,
Ica-
Me:Yougotadeat
hwi
sh?Gett
hef
uckoutofmy
house!
!
Hi
m:Letmeexpl
ain.
Me:
Isai
dgetout
,bef
oreIt
hrowy
ouout
.
Hi
m:Not
handopl
easedon’
tdot
his.
Ipi
ckedupt
hephoneandcal
l
edsecur
it
y.Theywer
e
atmydoori
n3minutes.
Me:
Gethi
m outofher
e.
Theyescor
tedhi
m outandof
fthepr
emi
ses.

Hest i
llkepttryi
ngt ocal l,overandov er.Igotmy
l
apt opandbookedaf l
ighttoDur banf ort onight, and
bookedar oom f ort heweek.Ipackedqui ckly;my
fl
ightwasi n2hour s.Ical l
edLer atot
ot ellherthatI
washeadi ngbackear l
y ,
Iaskedhert opi ckupmy
out f
itsandbr i
ngt hem whenshecomes.Mbal i came
topi ckmeupanddr ov emet otheairpor t,wedr ove
i
nsi lence; sheunder stoodt hatIdidn’twantt ot alk
ri
ghtnowandsher espect edmydeci sion.She
huggedmeandIl ef t,whenIgott oDur banIgota
shut tl
et othehot el.WhenIgott omyr oom Iopened
myl apt opandsawt hepi ctureagainandt hetear s
camedown.Ihadal lsortsofi deasrunni ngt hrough
myhead, butwhatdi dIexpect ?Hewasmar r
ied,
theynev erleavet heirwi ves.Whyonear thwoul dI
thinkhewasanydi f ferent?Ther estoft heweek
wentbyswi ftl
y,Fridayni ghtIhadameet ingwi tht he
team t opr eparef ort hef oll
owingday .Weal lwentt o
getsomer est,tomor rowwasabi gdayandIwas
nervous.Halfther estaur
antwasbookedandhad
donear adiointerviewpromot i
ngt heopening,al
lmy
fr
iendswer egoi ngt obethere.Igotintobedand
staredatthecei l
ingIletoutasi gh.Ihadn’
tspoken
toKhenanev ersinceIsawt hepi ct
ure,hehad
stoppedtryi
ngt ocal landIhonest l
ydidn’
tknowhow
Ifel
taboutt hat.Heknewt hattomor r
owmeantal ot
tome, andthel easthecoul dhav edonewast osend
amessaget oshowhi ssuppor t
.Isoondosedof f
andwaswokenupbyaknockatmydoor ,
itwas
Mbal i
.
Me:
It’
s6:
30,
whatt
hef
uck.Howdi
dyougether
e?
Mbal
i:
Remembert heguyImetatt
herestaur
anta
f
ewmont hsback?Well
webeental
kingandwef l
ew
wi
thhi
s‘pri
vatej
et’t
ocometoyouropeni
ng.
Me:
We?
Mbal
i
:Shutup!
!Howar
ethi
ngs?
If
loppedont
hebedf
acedown!
Mbal
i
:Thatbaduhm?
Me:
Wor
se,
hehasn’
tcont
act
edmesi
nceIgother
e.
Nocall
s,nomessagesnot
hing.Iguesshi
swi
fei
s
keepi
nghim busy
.
Mbal
i
:Wel
li
fhehadcal
l
edwer
eyougoi
ngt
oanswer
?
Me:
Probabl
ynot
.
Mbali:Wellhecalledmet henightyoul ef
t.He
wantedt ofi
ndouthowy ouwer e.Itoldhi
my ouwere
i
nDur ban;hecalledthenextdayt ofindoutwhere
youwer estayi
ng.Iguesshef iguredoutthatyou
weren’tathishouse.Idi
dn’ttellhi
mt hough.
Me:Mxm.Ijustwantt
ogetthi
sopeni
ngdoneandI
t
hinkIdeser
veaholi
dayaf
tert
oni
ght.
Mbali
:Wel
lIhopeyouarei
napartymoodbecause
af
tert
heopeningwearepar
tyi
ngDurbanst
yle!
Me:
No!
Mbali
:yes,nowgobathyoust
ink.I
’
llmeety
ou
downstai
rsforbr
eakf
asti
nsay30?
Me:
Fine.
[
11/
23,
15:
50]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode11
*
***
***
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Ihadn’tspokent oNot handoi nday s,andthiswasn’ t

normal.Itwasl i
keapi eceofmewasmi ssingIf el
t
soincompl ete.Hav i
ngKhensani aroundwasnot
makingmat ter
swor se,forsomer easonshet hought
thatwecoul dwor kthingsout .Shewaswal king
aroundplay i
ngwi fe,t
ryi
ngt ogeti ntomybed.Ihad
tospendaf ewnightsatahot elbecausei twasbad.
Idon’tcareabouther ,allIknewi sthattodayIhadt o
beinDur banorel seNot handowoul dhatemef orthe
restofmyl ife.

Igotoutofbedandwentt othest udy;Ihadtomake

trav elarrangement s.Ibookedaf li
ghtanddi aled
Char l
ie,Khensani walkedinwhi l
eIwasont hephone
andIj ustlookedatherst andinginf r
ontofmei njust
herl ingerie.Imustadmi t,shewasst il
lsexyashel l
ev enaf terhav i
ngtwobabi es.Butmymi ndwasn’ t
ther eany mor e,myhear twasn’tthereanymor e.Idid
l
ov eheronce, butIonlyhaveey esforonewoman
now.

Khensani
:Yougoi
ngt
oDur
banf
orherar
en’
tyou?
Me: Soear
lyi
nthemor
ningy
ou’
regoi
ngt
ost
artwi
th
yourshi
t?
Khensani:Ij
ustdon’
tgetyou,Igav eyouev ery
thing,
myl i
febutitwasn’
tenough.Youf elli
nlovewi t
ha
womany ouhadn'
tseeninyears,neverspokent of or
howl ong?WhyKhenan,whati ssospeci alabouther
thatyouwouldbewi l
l
ingtoleavey ourwife?
Me:
Didy
ouneedany
thi
ng?
Shej
ustl
ookedatme;
shecl
i
ckedhert
ongueand
st
ormedoff
.

Goshthi
swomanknewhowt ogetonmyl astnerve.
Sheannoysmet othemax.Ifshewasn’ tthemot her
ofmychildr
enIwoul dhavedealtwit
hheral ong
ti
meago.Myf li
ghtwasinafewhour st i
me; Ihadt o
pi
ckupNot hando’
sgift
.Butfi
rstIhadtof i
ndouti f
ever
ythi
ngwasgoi ngsmoothl
yatt herestaurant.So
Idial
edLer atot oseei ftheyneededany t
hing,she
saidev eryt
hingwasundercont rol.Ir
eservedat abl
e
butunderaf alsename, tablefor16Ihadsome
fri
endsi nDur bant hatIhadi nvitedandaspeci al
surpriseforher .IgotreadyandChar li
etookmet o
theairport.WhatKhensani saidt omehi tmehar d;I
hadf all
enoutofl ovewithherf orawomanIdi dnot
reall
yknow.Idi dn’tevenunder st anditei
ther,
butI
wasnoti nlov ewi thKhensani any more,andthe
womanIwasi nlov ewit
hhat edme.GoshIhadt o
sortthisout .IhopewhatIhadpl annedfortoday
wouldhel pmewi nherov er.

*
***
***
***
***
***
***Not
hando*
***
***
***
***
*

Thepr epwasalldoneandwewer ewai ti

ngt oopen
ourdoor s,t
her
ewasal argecrowdoutsideandal l
I
couldhearwaschat t
eringandexcitement .Thatgot
meex ci
ted.Weopenedt hedoorsandt hepl acewas
buzzing.Iwasinbetweent hekit
chenandt hef l
oor,
makingsur eourguestswer ehappyandt hatt he
ki
tchenwasproduci
ngquali
tyfood.If
rozewhen
Khenanwalkedi
ntotheki
tchenwhileIwasshout
ing
andgivi
ngorder
s.
Me:
Hi.
Hi
m:How’
sitgoi
ng?
Me:
Good,
thepl
acei
sbuzzi
ng.
Hi
m:Icant
ell
.Ihav
easur
pri
sef
ory
ou.
Me:
NotnowKhenan,
Idon’
thav
eti
mef
ort
his.
Him:Somebodywant
stomeety
ou;
wel
lsome
peopl
ewanttomeetyou.

Iwentoutt omeett hesemy steriousguest s.Tomy

surpri
setherewer eaf ewofmyf av ori
techefs;Siba,
JackieCamer onandVanessaMar x.Iwassoexci t
ed,
l
ikeaf atchi
ldinacandyst ore.Wespokef orawhi le,
exchangeddet ai
ls.I
tmustbet hehi ghli
ghtofmy
night
.Thegi rl
swer ethereandt heywer ehav i
nga
greatti
me, t
heplacewaspacked.Ev eryoneseemed
happy;theyseemedt obeenj oy i
ngt hef ood.Desert
wasser ved,onthehouseandt het ablesstarted
clear i
ngup.Peopl ewer el eav i
ng.Theni ghtwasa
success, Isaidgoodby et oourl astguests.We
cashedup.Khenanandt hegi rl
sst ayedbehindaf ter
ever yone, whenIcameoutoft heki t
chentheywer e
allwai tingformecl appingwi t
hbouquet soff lower s
andchampagne.Mbal itoast edt omeandweal l
drank, theplanwast ogocel ebratebutallIwant ed
todowassl eep.Khenancal l
edoneofhi scl
ubsand
theypr eparedforus.Wepar t
ied,butIwast oot i
red.
Ihadt wodr inksandl eft.Khenanaskedt odriveme
home, andIwast oot ir
edt of i
ghtwi thhim.The
mi nut eIgoti nt
ot hecarIt ookmyheel soffand
reclinedt hechai r.Wedr ov etot hehot eli
nsilence,
andIf ellasleepal ongtheway .Iwokeupj ustas
Khenanputmedownont hebed; hewentintot he
bat hroom andr anabat hf orme.WhenIcameoutof
thebat hhewassi tt
ingont hebedandmy
night dresswasl aidoutont hebedf orme.Hel ooked
atmewhi l
eIputonl otionandchanged.Igoti nto
bed.
Hi
m:Wantmet
oruby
ourf
eet
?
Me:
Please.
Heputmyfeetonhi
slapandst
art
edr
ubbing.I
tfel
t
sogoodIcoul
dn’
thel
pbutmaketi
nymoansashe
workedonmysmallf
eet.
Hi
m:Todaywasgr
eat
,Iam sopr
oudofy
ou.
Me: Thanky ou,Idi
dn’tact ual
lythi
nkitwouldbet hat
packed.Andt hechef s,thatmustbet hehighl
ightof
myni ght.Buttheteam wasgr eat;
theyworkedso
welltogetherIcouldn’tbeliev
eit.I
’m ecst
ati
c…
Him:YoudidagreatjobandI’
mv er
yproudofy
ou.I
knewy oucoul
dpullt
hisoff
,al
lyourhar
dworkpai
d
offandIthi
nkitmayhaveopenedupmor e
opport
uniti
esf
oryou.
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
Him:NothandoIwantwhatisbestf
oryou,Iwantt
o
seeally
ourdreamscomet r
ue.Andift
hereis
anyt
hingIcandotohelpIwil
l.
Me:
Khenan,
thatdoesn’
tanswermyquest
ion.
Hi
m:Soonev
ery
thi
ngwi
l
lbeanswer
ed.
Wesati
nsil
encef
orali
tt
lewhi
l
eandIwasstar
ti
ng
t
odoseoff
.Iwaswokenupbyhimv
oice,
“Canwe
t
alkaboutKhensani
?”
Wasthismanseri
ousri
ghtnow?Washet r
yingto
rui
ntheper
fect
lygoodni
ghtIjusthad?Ii
gnoredhim
andIthi
nkhegotthemessage.

*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
**

Iwantedt oexpl aint oher ,

Ineededhert o
understandthatnot hingwasgoi ngonbet weenme
andKhensani .Ihadt ogett hingsbackt onor mal
beforeIlostherf or ever .Iwat chedhersl eep;she
seemedatpeace, al mostl ikeshehadnowor ri
esi n
thewor l
d.ButIknewshewasunhappy ,andIwas
thecauseoft hat .It uckedheri npr operl
yandt ooka
shower; Ir
eali
z edIdi dn’thav eanyofmycl othes
heresoIwor eoneoft herobes.Iwentov ertothe
minibarandf oundaf ewmi niaturebottlesofwhi sky.
Icheckedi nthef ridgeandf oundsomei ce.I
empt i
edt wobot tlesi nt oagl asswi thabl ockofice.I
satinthechai randdr ank,Ifinishedal l
thel i
tt
le
bottl
esandIwasf eelingabi ttipsy.Idon’tknow
whatIwast hi
nkingbutIgoti ntobednextt o
Nothando,Ikeptmyr obeont hough.Ijustneededto
benextt oher;Iputmyar m ar oundherandpulled
herclosertomei naspooni ngposit
ion.She
adj
ust edherselfalmostast ogetcomf ort
able,I
don’
tknowi fshediditintenti
onall
ybutitfel
tgood
andIwasn’ tcompl ai
ning.Isoondosedof faswel l
.

Iwokeupi nt hemor ni
ngandNot handowasn’ tin
bedwi thme, Ilookedatt hetimeandi twas07h15.I
tri
edhercel landi trangint heroom, whyshel eftitI
didn’
tknow.Igotoutofbedandf oundal l herbags
werest i
llinther oom, soshehadn’ tl
ef t.Isati nbed
andt houghtaboutcal li
ngMbal i,butfigur editwas
tooear l
yandt heypr obablydrankal lnightl ong.Igot
outofbedandf oundmycl ot
hesl yi
ngont hef loor;I
neededt ogett hem tothehot elLaundr omat
becauseIhadnot hi
ngtowear .Iputt hem i nt he
packetpr ovidedandt ookashower ;Iwasi nt heref or
about30mi ns.WhenIwasdoneIf oundsomeof
Nothando’ slotions,theysmel ttoogi rl
yandIopt ed
out.Iwasaboutt ocallroom serv i
cewhenshe
wal
kedthr
ought
hedoor
,putt
hephonedownasifI
wasdoi
ngsomethi
ngwr
ong.Idon’
tknowwhyIdi
d
t
hat.

Nothando:Morni
ng,Igotyoucof
fee.It
hinkyouwill
needit,
Iassumey oustay
edupdrinki
ngafterIf
ell
asl
eep?
Me:
Uhm,
abi
t.Thanks.
Her:Iwenttoyouplaceandpickedupafewclothes
fory
ou.Ifigur
esinceyouslepther
eyoudidn’
thave
anyt
hingtowear.
Me:Wasactual
l
yabouttocal
ltheLaundr
omatt
o
washwhatIworey
ester
day.
Her
:Wel
ll
uckyf
ory
ouIal
way
sthi
nkahead.

Shetossedmemytoil
etr
ybag,andputt
hebagon
thebedandshest
art
edpacki
ngherstuf
f.
[
11/
23,
15:
50]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode12
*
***
***
***
***
***Not
hando*
***
***
***
***
***
***

Ipackedsil
entlywhi
leKhenanwaschanging.WhenI
wasdoneIpl acedmybagsbyt hedoorandstood
overhim wi
thmyar mscrossed.
Me:Myfl
ightisinafewhour
s.Lastni
ghtyousai
d
youwant
edt otal
k,somaybeyoucandri
vemet o
t
heair
portandwewi ll
tal
kontheway?
Hi
m:Uhm,
ok.Nopr
obl
em.
Me:
I’
ll
checkoutandwai
tfory
oui
nthecar
.
Heanswer edwi t
hj ustanod.Khenanal way shad
somethingt osay ,alwaysacheekyanswer .Butthis
morninghewasnothi msel
f,heseemedner vous.
Justli
kehewast hedayIf oundoutabouthi m bei
ng
wit
hhi swife, hehast hesamef eari
nhisey eswhenI
ki
ckedhi m outofmyhouse.It hinkhefearedme
endi
ngt hi
ngsbet weenus.Idi dn’tevenknowwhatI
wantedtodo; Iwasi nlovewitht hemanev ent hough
hewasmar ried.Wel l
,wil
lhavet ohearwhathesay s.
Khenantookmybagst ot hecarwhi l
eIcheckedout.
Wedr oveinsi
lenceatf i
rst.Thenhebr okethe
si
lence,“
Didyougetenoughr est?”Icouldfeel
that
myey eswereheav y,Iwasst i
llt
ir
ed.“Whydoy ou
ask?DoIlookt hatbad?”Ijoked.Wel aughedabit.
Him:No,youdolookti
redt
hough.Youhav
en’t
rest
edproper
lyt
hepast6monthsandmay beyou
deserv
ealit
tl
ebreak.
Me:I’
dl ovet
hat.Howevert
herestauranthasj ust
openedandIhav enotbeenhandsonwi th
ever
ythingel
se.Ineedtomakesur eeveryt
hingelse
i
sont rackbefor
ethinki
ngaboutt
akingahol iday.
Khenan:
Solet
’ssayy
ouhav
ethi
sweekandthent
he
fol
l
owingweekwecangoawaysomewher
e?
Me:
Whyar
eyoupushi
ngf
ort
his?
Him:I
’
m notpushi
ng;
Ijustt
houghti
twoul
dbea
goodi
dea.
Me:
I’
ll
see.
Hi
m:Ok,
that
’ssoundposi
ti
ve.
Me:
Soy
ouwant
edt
otal
k?
Him: Yeah,I
t’
saboutKhensani.Idi
dn’tgetachance
toexplaintoyouwhathappened.Ijustwanttoclear
thatupwi t
hyou;Idon’twantyoutobemadatme
andcont i
nuousl
ybringingupthewholemar r
iage
thi
ng.SoIwantt otellyouever
ythi
ng.
Me:
Alr
ight
,I’
m al
lear
s.
Him:AfewyearsbackIwasi nvolvedinsomeill
egal
deal
i
ngswhichKhensani knewabout .WhenI
wantedtodi
vorcehershet hr
eatenedtotest
if
y
agai
nstme.SoIhadt ostaymar ri
edtohersothat
shewouldnotbreakspousalpri
v i
l
ege.
Me:Ok,
soyouar
eonl
ymar
ri
edt
ohersoy
oudon’
t
got
ojai
l.
Hi
m: Yes,butnowIcannotdi
scl
osethat
i
nfor
mat i
ontomybusinesspar
tner
s.
Me:Sothatmeansshehastobeonyourar
min
publ
i
c.Youhavetoplayhappyf
ami
ly
?
Hi
m:Pr
ett
ymuch.
Me:
Sowhydi
dn’
tyout
ell
met
his?I
fIhadnotseen
t
hatpict
urewoul
dwebehav
ingt
hisconv
ersat
ion
r
ightnow?
Him:(
sigh)Nothando,
Ihonest
lydon’
tknow.Idi
dn’
t
knowhowt otel
lyou.
Me:
Whendi
dyouf
indoutshewascomi
ngt
oSA?
Hi
m:Bef
oref
etchi
ngy
ouf
rom t
heai
rpor
t.
Me:
Andy
ouspendt
heni
ghtwi
thher
?
Iknewverywel
lthathesl
eptatmygat
ethatni
ght
.
ButIj
ustcoul
dn’
tgiveint
hateasi
l
y.
Him: Ididnotsleepwi thher.Ispentt
henighti
nt he
carout si
dey ourhouse.Ihav ebeenrunni
ngaway
from herev ersi
ncet hemeet i
ng.AndIwon’tli
e,she
stil
lisn’
thappyaboutmydeci si
onandshestil
l
thinkswecanf i
xthings.I’
vehadt obookahotel
room, orsleepattheof fi
cejusttoavoi
dgoinghome.
Me:Ihearyou,sowhatnowKhenan?WhatmustIdo
wi
ththisi
nformati
onyou’
regi
vi
ngme?
Him: Iwanty
outofor
giv
emef ornottell
i
ngyouthe
tr
uth,Iwantfory
outounder
standthatIdonotl
ove
her,Ilov
eyou.
Me:Andt henextt
imether
eisameeti
ngandyour
wif
eneedst obether
e?WhatmustIdo?Smil
eand
under
stand?
Him:Baby,I
’
vebeentryi
ngt ofi
ndawayaroundthis
andIhaven’
tfigur
edi
tallout.I
’
m aski
ngf
ory outo
bepati
entwithmewhil
eIf i
gureitout
.

Ikeptquietandfacedtheotherway
;wedrovei
n
si
lencefortherestoftheway.Hehelpedmewi
th
myl uggage,andcheckedi
n.
Hi
m:Pl
easet
akeal
ookatt
his.
HehandedmeanA4env
elope.Heki
ssedmeont
he
f
orehead.
Hi
m: I
’
llseey
oui
nacoupleofday
s.Wecant
alk
morewhenI’
minCapeTown.
Heturnedandwal kedaway .Idon’tknowwhatt hat
was;i
fhewast r
yingtoguiltt
ripme, i
fthatwast he
i
ntent
ionitwaswor king.Fuckhim; Iwillnotgivein
soeasil
y.Imissedhimt hough, al
ot .Wakingupi n
hi
sarmsf el
tgreat,butIcouldn’tl
ethi m seethat.He
needstounderstandthatIhavef
eel
ings,
andthatI
hurtt
oo.Iboardedtheplaneandheadedhome.The
gi
rlsweresti
l
lsleepingandtheywouldal
lfol
l
ow
l
ater.

Theweekwaspr ettybor ing;Ididn’thav emucht odo.

Igott otheofficeev erythingwasundercont rol;the
team wasscout i
ngnewpot entialcompani esto
i
nt erv i
ewandnopr esent at i
onsf orthenextmont h.
Thebooksatbot hr estaur antswer egr eat,websit es
runni ngsmoot hlyi tseemedast houghIwasnot
needed, whichmademef eel useless.Thechi l
dren
wer ewr i
ti
ngexams, sother ewer enocl assesf orme
att heschool .Ispentt heweekathome, andI
thoughtaboutwhatKhenanhadsai d.Iwast hi
nki ng
may begoi ngawayf orabi tandl ear ninganew
cuisi ne,I
’vealway swant edt ogot oI ndia.Nowt hat
wasani dea…Igotexci ted.Ineededmydi arytot ake
downaf ewdet ails,whenIopenmybagIf oundt he
env elopeKhenanhadgi venmeatt heai rportI
placedi tont hedeskwher eIwaswor kingandj ust
star edatit.Igotupt ogetsomewi ne, Ihadaf eel ing
Iwoul dneeditforwhatIwasaboutt oread.Isat
backdownandopenedt heenv elopeandr ead
throughit,
myey eswer ej ustgl uedt othepages, and
Iwasr eadingthroughi t
.If i
nishedandcoul dn’t
believewhatIjustr ead;itwasamar ri
agecont ract
forKhenanandKhensani .Itwasbad, hecticrather.
Thet ermsofthei rmar r
iage, herli
vinginLondonand
themoneyshewoul dbeget tingfrom him.Icoul dn’
t
evenr eadthewhol et hi
ng; someofi twasr eall
y
harsh.Iwonderwhatgott heirrelati
onshipt othis
point.Iact
uall
yf eltsorr
yf orKhensani ;
itfel
talmost
ast houghsher eceivedt heshor tendoft hest i
ck.

Iwentoutsi
deandhadaci garett
e.GoshIdi dn’
teven
knowhowt or eacttowhatIj ustread;Ididn’tknow
whatIwasgoi ngt osayt oKhenani fIsawhi m.The
wholeweekwej usttextedandhav en’tspokenov er
thephoneandhehadn’ ttriedtocal l
,Ithinkhewas
givi
ngmemyspace.Wel lsinceitwast heweekend
may beIwouldseehi m.Butt henagai nhei salways
busyattheclub,soseei nghi m wasn’tr eal
ly
guarant
eed.Idecidedt hatIwoul dcal lhim Sunday
andhav
eluncht
hendi
scussev
ery
thi
ng.
Isatbackinmychairandsi
ppedmywi ne,i
twas
gett
inglat
e.Ij
ustwaslosti
nthoughtwhenmy
phonerang,i
twashim.
Khenan:
Heybabe,
youbeenqui
et.
Me:
Ihadabusyweek…sor
ryhowar
eyou.
Hi
m: I
’m good,
want
edtoseeifyouwoul
dhav
e
di
nnerwithmetomorr
ownight
?
Me:
Ok,
thatsoundsgood.
Hi
m:I
’
m cooki
ng.
Me:
What
?
Him:Youhear
dme.I’
l
lgetChar
li
etopi
cky
ouup.
19h00don’
tdr
essup.
Me:Hahaha,
ohok.I
’
llseey
out
omor
rowMr
.
DeCost
a.
Hi
m:Goodni
ght
.
[
11/
23,
15:
50]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode13
*
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
*

Ihadonehourbef oreNot handoar ri

ved,and
everythi
ngwasr eady .Thel ambandv egewer einthe
oven,desertwaschi l
lingint hefri
dgealongwi ththe
wine.Allthatwasl eftwasf ormet ogetr eady.Itook
aquickshoweranddr essedcasual ;
Iwent
downst ai
rstosetup.I twasachi l
lynightsoIsetup
i
nt helounge;Istartedt hef i
reandgotext r
ascat t
er
cushionsandbl anket .Perfect….Itookonel astlook
attheov enandi tseemedper fect
.Char l
i
et ext
edme
thathehadj ustpickedherup.SoIopenedabeert o
waitforher.

*
***
***
***
***
**Not
hando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

Me:
Char
li
eyoudon’
thav
etoopent
hedoorf
orme.
Char
li
e:Onl
ythebestf
ory
ou.
Wedr
oveof
fandwer
echat
ti
ngal
ongt
heway
.
Char
li
e:Mr
.DeCost
ahasbeenner
vousal
lweekf
or
t
oni
ght
.
Me:
Hashebeenpl
anni
ngt
hisal
lweek?
Charl
i
e:Yes,
Ihaven’tseenhimthi
snervoussi
nce
theni
ghthehear
dy ouwer eatt
heclub.Nowthat
’sa
dayhehadbeenwai t
ingmanyyearsfor.
Me:
Manyy
ear
s?Whaty
oumean?
Char
li
e:For
getIsai
dany
thi
ng.
Me:
Char
li
e,whatdoy
oumean?
Char
li
e:We’
reher
enow…

Igotoutthecarsoconfused.Khenanwasst andi
ng
atthedoorwithahugegrinonhisface.Iwentupto
hi
m andwehugged, Igavehim aki
ssont hecheek
andwewenti nsi
de.

Me:
Smel
l
ssogood.Whatdi
dyouor
der
?
Hi
m:Baby
,Icooked.
Me:
Youdi
d?Idon’
twantt
odi
e.
Hi
m:Mxm,
wine?
Me:
Please.

Hepour edmewi neandl edmet othefir

epl ace.He
wental lout ,andIwasi mpr essed.Weat e, drank
l
aughed.Hi scooki ngwasn’ thalfbadact ually;we
talkedabouthi swi feandt hecont ract
.Wet alked
aboutev erythi
ng.Wewer esillydrunkbyt heendof
theni ghtandt herewasnowayIwoul dbegoi ng
home, pluswehadmadeupsospendi ngt henight
wasn’ tsuchabadi dea.Imi ssedhi m andt heal cohol
didn’ thel pmuch, Iwashor ny .Wemadel ov eont he
fl
oori nf rontoft hef ir
e,ont hecouch, thechai r,
cof feet abl eagainstt hewal l.Itwasmagi cal reall
y;i
t
wasdi f
fer entfrom anyot hert i
me.Weconnect edon
anot herl ev el
,andIf ell
deeperi nlovewithhi m at
thatmoment .Wel aydowni nf rontofthef ir
e, j
ust
l
ooki ngi ntoeachot hersey es.Wedosedof fi
nt he
weehour softhemor ning,wewokeupt ot hebuzzer
goi ngof f.IshookKhenan, “Baby ,someonei s
buzzi ngi n. ”
Hi
m:Theywi
l
lgoaway
.
Herol
ledontopofmeandstart
edkissi
ngmyneck,
heseparat
edmylegsandst
art
edfeeli
ngmeup.
Gent
lyenter
edmeandhisphonerang.
Hi
m:Ser
iousl
y.
Me:
May
bei
t’
ssomet
hingi
mpor
tant
.
Hi
m:Noi
t’
snot
.
Hedidn’
tstopunti
lthehousephoner
ang.“
These
peopl
ejustdon’
tgiveup.
”
Hegotup,
“Wai
tri
ghtt
her
eforme.
”
Me:Wheream Igoi
ngt
ogo?
(rol
l
ingmyey
es
sar
cast
ical
l
y)
Hecamebackaminutelat
er,
“That
’smybr
otherat
t
hegate,
he’
sdri
vi
ngin.”

Iqui
cklyranupstai
rs,coul
dn’thavehisfami l
yseei
ng
melikethisf
orthefir
sttime.Khenanst ayed
downstair
stocleanupandopenf orhisbrother
…I
j
umpedi ntotheshowerandcl eanedmy selfup.
*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
**

Tareckwal
kedin,
andIwashappytoseehi
mithad
beenawhil
esinceweweret
ogether
.

Tar
eck:
Whatt
ooky
ousol
ongt
oopenupf
orme?
Me:Iwasbusy
;Ican’
tjumpev
eryt
imey
oucal
l
.Ha
haha.
Tar
eck:
Whoi
sshe?
Me:
Youdon’
thav
etoknowev
ery
thi
ng.
Tar
eck:
Youf
oundherdi
dn’
tyou?
Inodded,
andsmi
l
ed.
Tareck:YouBast
ard,
howthefuckdi
dyoufi
ndher?
Howl onghaveyoubeenl
ooki
ngfort
hisgi
rl
,5year
s
orso?
Me:
Ssshh….Shedoesn’
tknowany
thi
ng.AndIwant
t
okeepi
tthatway.
Tar
eck:
Whatshedoesn’
tknow?Ar
eyoucr
azy
?

Not handowalkedinandIcouldn’
ttel
lhowmuchof
theconv ersat
ionsheheard.Shewaslookingall
kindsofcut e,
herhairt
iedupinabun,shewasi nmy
vestandl eggi
ngs.Shewaswal ki
ngbarefooted,
I
thinkbecausehershoeswer einthel
ounge.

Me:Tar
eck,meetNothando.Not
hando,
thi
sismy
ol
derbr
otherTar
eck.
Sheputherhandouttoshakehi
sbutTar
eckgav
e
herahug,whichl
ast
edquiteawhil
e.
Tar
eck:Wel
lI’
vehear
dsomuchabouty
ou;
it’
sgr
eat
tof
inal
l
ymeety oui
nper
son.
Her
:Ni
cet
omeety
out
oo.
Shetur
nedar
oundt
olookatme,
“Ineedt
oget
goi
ng.”
Me:Butbaby,
Tareckonlyjustgother
eandI
’
vebeen
t
ell
i
nghim aboutyourcooking.
Her
: Wel
llet
’ssetupadatedur
ingt
heweekandI
’
ll
def
ini
tel
ymakei thappen.
Tar
eck:Letusnotkeepy
ou.We’
l
lseey
oudur
ingt
he
week.

*
***
***
***
***
**Not
hando*
***
***
***
***
***
*

Khenangav emeoneofhi scar sandIheadedhome.

NowIwasdef i
nit
elywor r
iedaboutwhatwasgoi ng
on.FirstwhatCharl
iesai d,andnowov erheardt he
conversati
onbetweenKhenanandhi sbr other, Iwas
confused.Iwenthomeandwasonmycomput er
try
ingt ofi
ndanyconnect i
onbet weenmeand
Khenan.Hehadbeenl ookingformef orqui tesome
ti
me, andhewant edust omeet ?Whydi dhewant
mesobad?WasIt her easonhewant edt odiv orce
hiswife?Iwasconf used; Iresear chedev erything
thatcouldli
nkmet ohi m andnot hing…Idi dn’twant
toshar et
hiswit
hany bodyasy etsoIpr etendedl i
ke
everyt
hingwasf i
ne, Ievenkeptt hisawayf rom Mbal i
.
Wehadsupperwi thTar eckandi twaswonder ful
get ti
ngt oknowhi m.Iwasupanddownbet ween
Dur banandCPTsoIwasn’ tspendi ngal otoft ime
withKhenanort hegirls.Hewasspendi ngal otof
ti
meawayaswel lbecauseoft hehot el,
casi no
busi nesshewasst ar
tingup.SoImanagedt of i
nd
somet hingandi tseemedl i
keol dpi cturesofKhenan
andhi sfami l
y,hewasv eryy oungi nt heimages, I
l
ookedt hroughmor eandmor epi cturesandf ounda
pictureofKhanen’ sdadwi thmydad, andt heywer e
wear i
ngt hesameuni form.Idi dn’tunder stand, our
par entskneweachot herandt heywor kedf ort he
samecompany .Butwhywoul dn’thet el
lmeabout
this?Ev eni ftheywer ewor kingtoget herwhatdi d
thathav etodowi thus?Ourpar entswer ebot hno
l
ongeral ive.Iwasmor econf usedandIcoul dn’ t
keept hisfrom Mbal i
anymor esoIt ookpict ur esof
thephot ographssot opr intthem andst udyt hem
further .
[
11/
23,
15:
51]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode14

I
twasal
mostChr
ist
masandIhadn’
tgot
tenv
eryf
ar
withmycase, Ideci dedt hatIwoul dputi tasidefor
therestofthey earandf ocusonot herthings.I
hadn’tspokent omyf osterpar ent sinforeverand
theywant edmehomef orChr istmas, butMbal i’
s
parentsalsowant edmeatt heirhouse, Khenan
want edmet ospendChr istmaswi thhim andhi s
familyandmeethi schi l
dr en.SoIdeci dedt ohosta
dinnerpartytwoday sbef oreChr i
stmas, thatwayI
wouldhav eal lthepeopl eundert hesamer oof.Iwas
kil
li
ngnumer ousbi rdswi t honest one.Thepr epwas
goingaccor dingt opl an,andmyt eam hadput
everythi
ngt oget her.Theywer est arti
ngt osetout
thefood;Iwentupst airstogetr eady.Khenan
walkedintot her oom j usti nti
me, Ineededsomeone
tozipupmydr ess.
Hi
m:Gor
geousasev
er.
Me:
You’
rej
usti
nti
me,
zipmeup.
Hi
m:Ij
ustwantt
odot
hecompl
eteopposi
te.
Me:
BabyI
’
m ser
ious,
myguest
sar
ear
ri
vi
ngshor
tl
y.
Hi
m:Wellt
hat
’swhyIwant
edtocomeherebef
ore
ev
ery
one.Mymom wil
lbearr
ivi
ngwi
thTar
eck;
Ijust
wantedt
ogiv
eyouaheadsup.I
’
vetol
dherabout
youandshei
sexci
tedt
omeetyou.
Me:
Tol
dheraboutme?Whatabouty
ourwi
fe?
Him:Mymom under
stands,
andshei
sinl
ovewi
th
youal
ready
.
Me: Nowyoujustmadememor
ener
vous,
zipmeup
Ineedtogetadrink.
Him:Babyther
eissomet
hingel
seIwantt
otal
kto
youabout
.Canwet al
kali
ttl
ebi
t?
Thebuzzerwentof
f,“
Sor
rybaby
,we’
l
ltal
klat
er.
”
Iwentdownst airstoacceptmyf i
rstguest s.Mor e
andmor epeopl ecameandt healcohol wasf l
owing,
peopleseemedt obeenjoy i
ngthef ood.I twas
nothingformal sopeopl ewer esit
tingar ound
throughoutthehouse, andt heweat herwasonour
sidesot hegar denwasl ookedgr eat ;
therewer e
fl
ower severywher e.Therewher ewhi tegar dentea
tablesandchai rs,i
twasbeaut i
ful
.Iwasenj oying,
wal ki
ngaroundandgr eetingeveryone.Peopl e
boughtgi f
ts,whi chwast oosweet .Iwassmi l
i
ngt o
my selfwhenKhenanwal kedupt ome, “
Mymom i s
dr
ivi
ngi
n.”
Me:
Uhm?
Hi
m:Rel
ax,
sheal
readyl
ovesy
ou.
Me:
Ineedadr
ink,
somet
hingst
rong.

Itookhisglassoutofhishandsandfi
nishedthe
wholethinginonegulp.Wewalkedtothedoorhand
i
nhand.West oodatthedoorwhil
eTareckwal ked
towardsuswi t
hhismom’ shandonhisar m.

Khenan:Mom I
’dl
ikey
outomeetNothando.
Nothando,
thi
sismymother
;MrsDeCosta.
Her
:Don’
tbesi
l
lyman,
cal
lmeKal
i
sa.
Me:Nicet omeetyou.(Shegavemethewarmest
hug)Pleasedocomei n,canIgety
ouanyt
hingt
o
dri
nk?Wi ne,
Whisky?
Khenan:
Rel
axI
’
llgeti
t.
Wewal kedi ntot hehouseandIl edhert ooneoft he
empt yt ablesout side.Wehadsmal ltalkabouther
tri
pt oSout hAfrica, howshemi ssedherboy sand
hast oal way schaseaf tert hem t oseet hem, we
wer elaughi ngandgi gglingt il
loneoft hest affcame
tomewi thapr obl em andIhadt oleav eKal isaalone.
Shedi dn’ tseem t omi nd, theal cohol seemedt obe
sinkingi n,andt hatwast hecasef oral lofmyguest s.
Thewai tresscal l
edbecauset hechampagnewas
runningout ;l
uckyf ormeKhenansor tedt hatout .As
theev eni ngwentonsomeguest swer est ar ti
ngto
l
eav eandonl yaf ewofmyf ri
endswer eleft.Kalisa
wast alkingt oMbal i andt heyseemedt obehav inga
blasted, theybot ht alkal otsoIdi dn’
twantt oev en
beany wher eneart hem.Igotabot tl
eofchampagne
andsatdowni nsi debyt hesl i
di ngdoor .It ookasi p
andf el tahandonmyshoul der,“Youdi dgr eatthis
wasawonder fulev eni ng.”
Me: I
’
m gl
adit
’sov
er,
nowIcanspendt
her
estoft
he
yearbymysel
f.
Tareck:Yout
hinkthati
sgoi
ngtohappenwit
hKali
sa
around?Shel
ov esyou,
andIknowwhereyou’
re
spendi
ngChr
ist
mast
hisy
ear
,ha.
Me:Youcan’
tbeser
ious?Ihonestl
ywantt
obe
al
onethi
syear
;Ihav
et hi
ngstotakecar
eof.
Tar
eck:Whatcoul
dyoupossi
blyhav
etodoon
Chr
ist
mas?Goodlucksayi
ngnotoKali
sa.

TareckandIchatt
edf oral
i
ttlewhil
e,Ihadtosay
goodby et
omyguest s.MyfeetwereachingIwanted
everyonetogo;
Kali
sawast ipsyassheheldmy
handaswewal kedtowardsthedoor.
Her
:Whatabeaut
if
ulpar
ty,Idon’
tknowi
fIwi
llbe
abl
etomakei
toutofbedtomor r
owmorni
ng.
Me:
I’
m gl
ady
ouenj
oyed.Hopet
oseey
ousoon.
Her:Ohhoneyy ouwil
l
.Lunchtomorrow;
Ineedy
ou
tohelpmebuyChr i
stmaspresentsf
ormy
grandchi
l
dren.Goodnighthoney.
Me:
Goodni
ght
,we’
l
ltal
ktomor
row.

Khenanst
oodnextt
omesmi
l
ing,
andwav
edby
eto
hismot her.Theydr ov eof fandwewal kedi nside.I
i
mmedi atelytookmyshoesof f
.Iputmyhandsout
signali
ngf orKhenant opi ckmeup; hewal kedupt he
stair
swi t
hmei nhisar ms.Hepl acedmeont hebed
andwenti ntot hebathroom, Iheardt hewat er
runningandi mmedi atelyknewhewasr unningmea
bath.Hecamebacki ntot heroom andIwasst i
l
lin
thesameposi ti
onhel eftmei n,heunzi ppedmy
dressandpul leditovermyhead, undi dmybr aand
carri
edmet othebat hroom.Noneoft hatwas
necessary ,butIlethim doi tanyway s.Hegoti nto
thebathwi t
hmeandsatopposi temer ubbi ngmy
feetandt ell
ingmehowmuchhi smom l ikesme.I
wasnotbuy i
nganyofi t,soIjusti
gnor edi t.Wegot
outoft hebat handgotr eadyt osleep, Khenanput
hisarm aroundme.
Hi
m:What
’swr
ong?
Me:
Not
hing,
justt
ir
ed.
Hi
m:Nope,
don’
tli
etome.I
sitaboutmymot
her
?
Me:Wel
lyes,
whywoul
dshel
i
keme?Youhav
eyour
wi
fe.
Him:Not hando,mymotherunder
standsthatIf
ell
outoflovewi t
hmywife.Shedoesn’that
eKhensani;
theyactuall
ygetal
ongverywell
.
Me:
Sohowwi l
lIf
iti
n?Tar
ecksai
dyourmom want
s
meoverf
orChr
ist
mas.
Hi
m:Yeah,shedoes;
you’regoi
ngt
obet
her
enex
tto
meri
ghtwhereyoubelong.
Me:
Whatabouty
ourwi
feandki
ds?
Him:I’l
lexplai
ntothechi l
drenwhent hetimei sri
ght,
every
onei nmyf amilyknowsabouty oualready.And
Khensani knowsabouty out oo.Babel i
sten,the
famil
ylov esyouandt heyunder standmyagr eement
withKhensani andtheyrespectt hat.Every
onest il
l
considersherasfami l
y,butnotmywi f
e.Sheknows
herplace;youhavenot hi
ngt owor r
yabout.
Wecuddl
edal
lni
ght
.

Ididshoppingwi
thKal
isathenextday.Ihadt
obuy
gif
tsforthewhol
efamily
,anddamnt heyhadahuge
famil
y.Bytheti
meIdroppedKalisaoffi
twasalmost
di
nnertime.Iwentpassthewat
chshoptofetch
Khenan’sChri
stmasgif
t.Hewasgoi
ngtoloveit
,he
bet
terlovei
t.
[
11/
23,
15:
51]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode15

Thenextmor ningIwokeupandwentt ohav e

breakfastwi t
hmyf osterpar ent s.Istay edwi tht hem
forawhi l
eandheadedhomet ochangef orThe
DeCost aChr i
stmasAf f
air.Kal isasai dImust n’tbr i
ng
anything,sojustwentempt yhandedwi thjustt he
presents;thethemewaspast el colors.Liker eal l
y,a
colortheme, wellwhatcoul dIsay ,thegr eatKal isa
hadspoken.Iar ri
vedatKhenan’ shouse; hewas
waiti
ngf ormeatt hedoor .Hehel pedmewi tht he
gift
s,andpl acedt hem undert het reeandj oined
everyone;Kalisatookmear oundi ntroducingmet o
thefami l
ywi thagl assofwhi skyi nherhand.Lucky
formeKhenancamet omyr escue, andt ookme
away .Het ookmet ohischi l
dr en, Iinstantl
ygot
nervous.Hei ntroducedt hem t omeashi sf r
iend,
whichIwasv eryhappywi th.Iwasbadwi t
hki dssoI
didn’
tknowwhatt osay ,butt heywer et ooexci ted
aboutthei
rcousi nssotheyranoff.Wet alked,ate
anddrank, i
twasf un.Weexchangedpr esent s,
Kali
sagotmegol dsilkli
nensurpri
si
nglyTar eckgot
mesomet hi
ngt oo;t
heywer eal
l t
oosweetandIf el
t
welcomed.ButKhenandi dn’
tbuyany t
hi ng,andI
wasal i
ttl
ebitdisappointedIwon’tl
ie,Ihadbought
hi
sgi f
tawhi lebackbuthecouldn’thav edonet he
same.Hemanagedt obuyhiswi f
esomet hing; Iwas
somadandj ustwant edtogetthehelloutoft here.
Kal i
saaskedmet ohel pcleanup, wewer eint he
ki
t chent alki
ng;shewaswat chingmecl eanupwhi le
shesi ppedonherwi ne.Khensani walkedint othe
ki
t chenwi thapi l
eofpl ates,Ihadn’ tspokent oherall
day ;andhonest lyIhadbeenav oidingher.Butt her
e
wewer ei nthekitchent ogether,andIj ustsmi l
edat
her ,
“Hi.”Shedi dn’tgreetbackshej ustplacedt he
platesont hecount erandwal kedaway ,beforeshe
coul dleavet hekitchenKal i
sast oppedher ,“and
wher edoy outhinky ou’regoing?Youcan’ texpect
hert owasht hesedi shesallbyher self.
”
Khensani
:HawuMah,Khenanhaspeopl
etowash
thedi
shes.Andpl
ussheseemsli
keshecanhandl
e
i
t.
Kali
sa:Youdon’tberudenow;youknowIdon’t
tol
erat
ethatbehavi
or.(HerJamai
canaccent
seemedsost r
ong,andshewasal mostshout
ing.
)
Nowgr abaclot
handdr ythosepl
ates.
Khensani
:YesMah.
Shest
art
edwi
pingt
hedi
shesandpacki
ngt
hem
away.
Kali
sa:
Nowy outwoneedt ogetalong,I
’m not
aski
ngyoutobef riendsbuti
fNothandoisgoi ngto
beinKhenan’sli
fethenyourpathswill
becr ossi
ng
moreoftenthanjustChri
stmases.
Me:Nopr obl
em, It
hinkwe’
reol
denought
oputour
di
ff
erencesaside.
Khensani:I
t’
snotf airMah.Iam t heonewhohast o
suf
fer;shebrokemymar ri
age,
forwhat ?Becauseof
hi
sstupidchildhoodcr ush?Anddaddy ’
spr omise?
YouknowwhatIt hinkMah?It hinkit
’sstupid,
allofi
t
andIwi l
lnotbeapar tofit
.
Kal
i
sa:
That
’senough.
Khensanist
ormedoutandKal i
saj
ustlookedatme,
whatthehellwasthat?Whatwasshegoingon
about;
thi
sisthethir
dment i
onofKhenanknowing
mepr i
ort
oourmeet .
Me:
Kal
i
sa,
whati
ssheonabout
?
Kal
isa:
It’
snotmypl
acet
otal
kaboutt
his.Khenan
hastoexplai
n.
Iwal kedoutonKal i
sat of i
ndhi m, Ineededanswer s.
Icoul dn’thimf i
ndhi m any wher e;appar ent l
yhewas
droppi ngof fsomef ami l
y.Igoti ntomycarwi thout
sayinggoodby eanddr ov ehome.Iwasf urious,I
call
edMbal iandshedi dn’tpickup.Igotal l t
heinfoI
haddugupandgott owor k,Ineededanswer snow.I
hadl etitgof ort oolong.Il ookedatal lthepi cturesI
hadgot t
enathi sDur banhouse, andnot hing.I
l
ookedatt hepi ctur
eofmydadandhi sf ather,was
thi
st heconnect i
on?Ilookedupt hecompanyt hey
werewor ki
ngf orandf oundt heowner soft he
companyandmyuncl ewasn’ toneoft hem.Mydad
hadal way ssaidhewaswor kingf orUncl eJerry,but
hewasnowher eont her ecor d.Iwentt osear chf or
newsont hecompany ,andnot hing.Ever ythingwas
mar kedascl assi
fied,nowt hiswasl ookingdodgy .
Whywer ethecompanyr ecor dsandnewscl osedof
f?
IlookedupMrDeCost aanddi dn’tfindmuch; hewas
arrestedt hesamey earmyf atherdi ed,alongwi t
h
anot herempl oyee.Theydi dn’trev ealthenameor
ther easonwhyt heywer ear rested.Di dthisman
hav esomet hingtodowi thmyf ather ’
sdeat h?But
myf at herwassi ck,therewasnowayhecoul dhave
beenki l
ledormur dered.

Mymemor ywasf ai
l
ingme, Icouldn’ tremembermy
fatherbei ngsick.Hewasal r
ightwhenIl eftfor
school ,andwhenIgothomeIwast oldhewasn’ t
wel l
andIcoul dn’tseehim.Ir emembert hefuner al
,
butnot hingmor e.Ther eweresomanygaps, Iwasn’
t
thaty oung,andIshoul dbeabl et
or emember .Iwas
nowst arti
ngt opanicandt earswer er oll
ingdown
myey es.Iwassoconf used, myhear twasbeat i
ng
fast,Iwasshaki ngandt hetearsjustkeptr olling
downmycheeks.Myphonewasr ingi ng,Iwasn’t
evenbot hered.Isatthereinthestat eIwasi nnot
knowi ngwhatwasgoi ngon.Nextt hingIknew
someonewasshaki ngme, “
Thando, arey oualri
ght?
”
Itwasn’tstopping, allIfeltwasasmal lpr i
ckinmy
arm andIcal meddown.Iwasn’ tasleep, butIwasn’t
i
ncont rolofmybody .Iwasawar eofmy
surr
ounding, andIcoul df eelmyselfbeingpi ckedup
andplacedont ot hecouch.Het ookmyshoesof f
andlaidmeont hecouchwi thacushi onundermy
head.Ithoughti twasKhenanbuthowwoul dhe
havebeenabl etogeti n;Istayedinthisdazef or
somet i
meanddr ift
edof f.Iwokeupst il
l onthe
couchandf oundSphasi tti
ngatmydi ningroom
tabl
elookingatt hephot osl aidout.
Me:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Hegotupandwal kedtowardsme,“Pleasesitdown,
youshouldbeluckyIgotherewhenIdi d.”He
openedupachai rformeandIsatdown, hegota
glassofwaterandplaceditinf
rontofme.
Hewasinuni f
orm,Ididn’
tunderst
andbecausei t
wasChrist
mas.Iwasj ustallt
ooconfused,butI
wasn’
tworriedaboutthatr
ightnow.Icheckedmy
phoneandIhadov er50mi ssedcal
ls,messages,
andvoi
cemai l
severyt
hingandallfr
om Khenan.I
di
dn’
twantt
ospeakt
ohi
m,soIswi
tchedmyphone
of
f.
Spha:
Yourbuzzerhasbeengoingoff,
andsome
manhasbeenparkedatyourgateforaboutanhour
now.
Me:Spha,don’
tgolooki
ngatmyst
uff
.Iti
snolonger
anyofyourconcer
n.Whatar
eyoudoi
nghere?
Him:It
’sChrist
mas,andIjustgotbacksoIassumed
youcooked.ButIfoundyouinapanicat t
ackor
whatevert
hatwas; your
eali
zedyouwer en’
teven
breat
hingproperl
y.Whathappened?
Me:
Soy
oudeci
dedt
odr
ugme.
Hi
m:Thandothi
sisnottheti
metobest
ubborn.
Nowwhatisal
lthi
sandwhatisgoi
ngonwit
hy ou?
(
Hepoint
edtothepict
ures)
Ishowedhi mthepicturesandexplai
nwhatIf ound
out.Ithenexpl
ainedthedeathofmyf atherandhow
thi
ngswer en’
tmakingsense.Iexplai
nedabout
Khenan, hi
sfat
herandt heweirdtal
kI’
vebeen
heari
ngaboutt hepossibi
li
tyofKhenanknowi ngme
beforewemet .Iexpl
ainedeveryt
hingtohim,Spha
hadr esour cesIdi dn’thav esohewoul dbeabl eto
gettot hebot t
om oft his, especi allywi tht he
classif
iedr eports.SoIwasgl adt hathewaswi l
li
ng
tohelp.Hedi dn’thav eany t
hingwi t hhim sohe
woul donlyl ookatt hei nmor ning; Imadeus
somet hingt oeatf rom t hepar tylef tovers.Wesat
outsideont hepat iohel itaf i
reandwedr ank,Iwas
hav i
ngsomuchf unact ual l
y.Ihadn’ tseenSphai n
foreverandsi nceourbr eakupt hi
swast hef i
rstti
me
weact uallyhadadecentconv ersat ion.Thi ngs
endedsobadl ybet weenus, It houghtIwasnev er
goingt obeabl etof or givehi m, buther ewewer eon
Chr i
stmas, j
ustthet woofus.Thel astChr i
stmaswe
spentt oget herwasabout4y ear sagobef orehegot
depor t
ed, andbyf art hatwast hebestChr istmas
ever.Wespokeaboutev eryt
hi ng, mynewr estaurant
,
thenextseasonoft hecooki ngshowandhi s
promot ion.Hewoul dn’tbedepor tedany mor eand
woul dbebasedi nCapeTownper manent l
y.He
seemedt obesuggest ingt hatwegetbackt ogether
event houghhedi dn’ tsayi tout ,butIknowt hatis
wher eitwasl eadingt o.ButIwasnothav i
ngi t
;I
nippedt hatconv er sationi nt hebudbef orei twent
anywher e.Byt heendoft henightwewer ebotha
l
itt
ledr unk, soweheadedupst airst osl eep…I
switchedmyphoneonandgotaf ewmor e
messagesf rom Khenan, Ili
stenedt ot hev oi
cemails
andhewasbeggi ngmet oopenupf orhi m.Some
messagesheseemeddr unk,other sheseemed
angryandi nother sheseemedast houghhewas
cryi
ng.Igotup, putonagownandwal ked
downst airs;checkedt hecamer asi nt hest udyand
therehewasi nhi scar
.Gosht hismanwasst ubborn,
hedon’ tgeti tthatIdon’twantt oseehi m.Iwal ked
outsidet ohiscarandknockedonhi swi ndow;he
wasst artledandwokeupi nstantl
y .Heopenedt he
doorandst umbl edout.Hewasdr unk, abottl
eof
beerr olledoutt hecar,andIwasnoti mpr essed,
“Whatar ey oudoi nghere? ”
Hi
m:Baby
,Ineedt
otal
ktoy
ou.
Me: Youdo,don’ty
ou?Whathav
eyoubeenwaiti
ng
f
orthiswholetime?Whynowspeci
fi
cal
l
y,because
yourli
tt
lesecr
etisout
?
Him:Pl
easel
etmej
ustexpl
ainIj
ustneedy
out
o
hearmeout.
Me:
Comei
n.
[
11/
23,
15:
51]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode16

Hegr abbedaduf f
lebagandf oll
owedmei n.Itwas
kindoff unnyseei nghi m stumbl ingbehi ndme, andI
knewt herewasnot hingwewoul ddi scussi nhis
state.ButIcoul dn’tlethim sl eepouti nhi scar ;
it
wasal ittl
ebi tcold.Idi dn’
ttal ktohi m; hecl osedt he
doorbehi ndhi m andf oll
owedmei ntot heki tchen.I
madehi m dr inkwat erandt henmadehi m acupof
cof f
ee, hesatont heki t
chenst oolsjustl ookingat
me, andIj uststoodacr osshi m wi thmyar msf olded.
Heopenedt heduf f
lebagandt ookoutaboxandsl i
d
i
tt owar dsme, “allt
heanswer sy ouneedar et here.”I
didn’tmov e,het henr eachedf orhi spocketandgot
outasmal lboxandpl acedi tont opoft heboxwi th
anenv elope, “MerryChr i
stmasbaby .”Then
cont i
nueddr inki
nghi scof fee, Isteppedt owar dst he
count ert otheboxes.Iopenedt hef i
r stbox, and
therewasar i
ng;Ihav en’tseenany thingl ikeit
mar quisecut ,i
twasr osegol dwi thabl ackdi amond.
Ididn’tknowwhatt hiswas; hegotmet hisfor
Chri
stmas?Ireadt
henotethatcamewi
tht
her
ing,
anditwastoosweet,
itr
ead:
Igott hisr
ingmadef ory outhefi
rstti
meIl aideyes
ony ouagai n;IknewIj usthadtomakey oumi ne.I
don’tknowwhenIwi ll
gett heopportunit
ytogive
yout hisri
ng, butIhopewhenIdo, youwi l
laccepti
t.
I’
vebeeni nl ovewithyousi ncewewer eyoungandI
don’tknowhowIsur vi
v edsolongwi thoutyouinmy
l
ife.ButIwi llnotl
oseagai n;Iwantyout obemi ne.
Forev er
.
Lov
eK….

WhenIl ookeduphewasst andi

ngr i
ghtthereinfront
ofme.Hel ookedatmewi t
hsadness, “NothandoI’m
sorryIwasn’thonestwit
hyouf rom thewordgetgo.
Ididn’
tknowhowt osaythi
st oy ou,
Itri
edsohar d.I
didn’
twanty outofindoutfrom anyoneelse,
especial
lyKhensani.”
Iwasi ntear
sanddidn’
tknowwhattosay,andhow
tofeelaboutthi
s.Heputhi
shandsaroundmeand
kissedthetopofmyhead,“Askmeanythi
ng
Nothando,any
thingandIwi
llt
ell
y out
het r
uth.
Pleasej
ustdon’tleav
eme;Iwon’tsur
viv
eloosing
youagain.
”
Somuchwaspl ayingthroughmyhead, andIwas
tr
yingtopieceev erythi
nginmyhead, andIf el
tIwas
confusi
ngmy selfevenmor e.SoIst
oppedt hinki
ng
aboutitf
orasecondandt ookadeepbr eath,“t
ell
meev ery
thing.”
Hi
m:Wantt
ogoupst
air
s?
Me:
Don’
ttr
yany
thi
ng.

Wewentupst air
s, t
hef i
rstthi
ngheshowedmewas
apictureofuspl ayingatsomepar k.Andt hen
anotherpictur
eofourmot herstoget her,he
explainedhowourf ather sworkedt ogetherandwe
all
li
v edinthehousi ngpr ovi
dedbyt hecompanyt hey
workedf or.Apparent l
ywewer ever ycloseand
woul dplayeveryday, butnoneoft hiswascomi ng
backt omeandIdi dn’ trememberanyofi t
.He
continuedtospeakaboutourf at
her s’arrest,
and
tol
dmet hathedi dn’tdieunt i
llater.Hisdadf elt
responsi bleformyf ather’
sdeat h,andhadbeen
l
ookingf ormef ory ear sbeforehispassi ng.Khenan
promi sedhi sdadt hathewoul df i
ndme.Andhehas
beensear chingf ort hepast5y ears.Therewer e
twistsandIwasn’ tt akingitalli
nIcoul dn’t
under standandgr aspev erythi
ngsoIaskedf ora
l
ittl
ebr eakandwentoutont othebal conyf ora
cigarette.Iwasn’ tev engonef ortwomi nutesand
therewasar acketandnoi secomi ngfrom t heroom
Iwalkedbackandf oundKhenanonhi skneeswi t
h
Spha’sar m ar oundhi sneck.Hel ookedl i
kehewas
aboutt opassout .
Me:WHATTHEFUCKI
SGOI
NGONHERE!
!!
!!Spha
l
ethi
m gonow!
!!
Sphal
etgoandKhenanf
ell
tot
hegr
oundcoughi
ng.
Me:
Whati
swr
ongwi
thy
ouguy
s?
Spha:
Hest
art
ed!
Khenan:
Whydoy
ouhav
eamani
nyourhouse?
Me:Youguysbet
tergety
ourshi
ttoget
hernow.
Sphapl
easeputonsomethi
ngdecent,
meetus
downst
air
sin5minut
es.
Spha:Whyam Iget
ti
ngshout
edatwhenIdi
dn’
tdo
anyt
hingwr
ong.
Me:
Don’
tst
artwi
thme.
Hel eftandIgav eKhenant helookandwalkedoutto
fi
nishmyci gar
ette.Hefoll
owedme, “
Nothandoyou
aren’tgoingtoexplaint
omewhyt her
eisanother
manwal kingaroundtoplessinthehouse?
Me: Myhouseyoumean?Sodon’ tev
enst art
,may be
youshouldhaveaskedt hatbefor
estart
ingsome
shit
.Hecouldhav ekil
l
edy ouhey.Idon’
tunder stand
whyy ouaresowor r
iedmay beifhewasi nmybed
thenyoucanstressbutthis,pl
ease.Nowy outoo,
downstai
rs!!

*
***
***
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

Whatthehell
wasthis,Nothandohadanothermanin
thehouse,
howcouldshedot hi
stomejustbecause
ofwhatKhensani
said?Thiswasn’tri
ght
,Iwas
seri
ousl
ymadandt hisboywasn’tgoi
ngtogetaway
wit
ht hi
s.Not
handoi
smi
neandi
fIhav
etof
ightf
or
herthensobeit
.

Iwal
keddownstai
rsandfoundthisguysit
ti
ngatthe
cof
feetabl
e,Iwal
kedpassstr
aighttotheki
tchen
andgotsomewater.
Spha:
How’
syourneck?
Me:Shutt
hefuckup,
youj
ustgotl
ucky
,I’
l
lsnapy
our
spi
nnextt
ime.
Spha:
Keept
ell
i
ngy
our
sel
fthat
.

Nothandowalkeddownthestair
swithboxandSpha
gottoherbefor
eIcouldtohelpherwit
hthebox.
Shedeniedhishel
pandor der
edustothedini
ng
room.Wesatdownacr osseachotherandgave
eachothernast
ylooks.

Imustadmitt
houghthatNothandowassocuteand
ki
ndofsexyorder
ingusaround.I
t’
sfunnyhowshe
coul
dgetsuchbigguystobehaveanddoasshe
say
s.Shepl
acest
heboxont
het
abl
eandl
ookedat
usbot
h.
[
11/
23,
15:
51]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode17

(Ther
e'sali
tt
lebitofsexscenesint
hisinser
t.Be
warned,don'
treadifyouaren'
tcomf
ortablewit
h
such.
)

*
***
***
***
***
***Not
hando*
***
***
***
***
***
Thesemensatt
heregiv
ingeachot
herdeat
hst
ares,
l
ikethi
swassostupi
dofthem.
Me:
Sphat
hisi
sKhenan,
andKhenant
hati
sSpha.
Khenan:
Butwhat
….
Me: Ididn’taskanyquest i
ons.SoKhenanIhav e
beenf ollowinguponmypastbef or
etodayandt hat
i
sbecausey ouandy ourstaffandbrot
herhavebeen
sosneaky .Idi
dn’
tgetv eryfarbutther
eisali
t t
lebit
ofprogr ess,nowSphawor ksinthenavyandhehas
resourcest hatwi
llassisti
nget ti
ngsomeoft he
i
nf or
mat ionIneed.
AndSpha, Khenanhassomei nf
ormat
ionthatwil
l
help.Wearelinkedsomehowandallt
heinformati
on
hehasi si
nthisbox,soIneedyouguystowork
togethert
ohelpmef igur
eevery
thi
ngout.
I
fy ouguy scan’tdot hat
,thenpleasegetoutofmy
housenow.I fy
ouchooset ostayIwi ll
nothav eyou
guyst ryi
ngtokill
eachot heratev erygivenmoment .
Soy ouguy scansither eandsor titoutamongst
your sel
ves.Oncey ouhavedeci dedIwi l
l beoutsi
de.
Anddon’ ttaketool ongbecauseI ’
llj
ustki ckt
heboth
ofy ouout.

Il
ef tthem t hereandwenttot hekitchenIpour eda
cupofcof f
eeandwentt othepatioandhadmy
ci
gar ette.JustasIputt hecigarett
eoutKhenan.He
satnextt ome, “Babe,
wear esorr
yf orbehavingli
ke
l
ittl
echi ldren.Thatwon’thappenagai n,wewi llt
ry
ourbestt owor ktoget
herandf indoutev er
y t
hing.So
pleasest opbeingmadatus, especial
lyatthi
shour
ofthemor ning.
”
Me:
I’
m gl
adt
oheart
hat
.Nowcanweal
lj
ustget
somer
est
?
Hi
m:Okay
.
Igotupandwal kedupst air
s,Idon’
tknowwhatt hey
stayedbehi
nddiscussi ngbut20mi nslaterKhenan
openedthedoor.Hecamear oundtomysi deoft he
bedandswi t
chedont helamp.Heknel tdownand
tookouttheri
ng,“Baby ,Iknowthisisn’
ttheri
ght
ti
mebutIwashopi ngy oucouldputt hi
sonand
may beanswermet omor r
ow.”
Ifel
tli
keshout ingathim becauser eall
yhisti
ming
wasshi t
ty,buthehadt hislookinhiseyesso
desperate.Iknewt hatmomenti fIsai
dnoIwoul d
breakhim, Iputoutmyl efthandandhesl i
ppedthe
ri
ngont omyf i
nger.At earescapedhiseye,“t
hank
you.CanIgeti nbed? ”Inoddedandhet ookoffhis
clot
hesandl aynexttome, Itur
nedaroundandlay
onhischest .Ifel
lasleepsoonaf t
erbecausehewas
playi
ngwi thmyhai r.

Fort
henextcoupleofmont
hsever
ythi
ngseemedto
begoingwel
l.If
oundoutsomuchstuf
faboutmy
fatherthatIdi dn’ tknow.Myf atherwasi mpr i
soned
foracr imehedi dn’tcommi tandwasmur deredi n
prisonbyt hev erysamepeopl ewhof ramedhi m.He
wasn’ tsickt heyl i
ed; theywant edtocov erupt hei
r
tracksandcutal l t
hel ooseends.SphaandKhenan
wer egettingal ongv erywel lImustsaygat heringall
theinformat i
on; theymanagedt ospeakt oaf ew
peopleandf oundoutwher ehewasbur i
ed.They
alsomanagedt ogetmedi calrepor tsshowi ngcause
ofdeat h,pr ovi
ngt hatIhadbeenl i
edt obef ore.
Khenanmanagedt ofindoutsomet hingabouthi s
fathertoo, buti twasdi ff
erentf orhim becausehi s
fathercameoutofpr ison.Allinall hewasdoi ngt hi
s
forme.Idi dn’tev enknowwhatt odowi ththis
i
nf ormation, it
’snotl ikeIcoul dr evenget hem.Ij ust
neededt oknowev er
y thi
ng

Mybirt
hdaywascomi ngupandIwasplanni
ngat
ri
p
awaywi t
hthegir
ls,
Khenanwal
kedinasIwas
sear
chingdest
inati
ons.
Hi
m:Goi
ngsomewher
e?
Me:
Iwast
hinki
ngofgoi
ngawayf
ormybi
rt
hday
.
Hi
m:Wher
eto?
Me:
Uhm wast
hinki
ngZanzi
bar
.
Hi
m:whataboutJamai
ca?
Me:
Wel
l
,hadn’
tthoughtofi
t.
Him:
Baby ,y
ouhavebeenput
ti
ngthi
sofff
ormont
hs
now,andKali
sai
sonmycase.It’
sbeenmont
hsmy
l
ove,
please.
Me:
I’
ll
thi
nkabouti
t.
Him: Thi
nkaboutthi
s,youdon’thav
et opayf
or
accommodat i
on,andyouwillhaveyourown
personalt
ourgui
de.
Me:
Baby
,whosai
dyou’
rei
nvi
ted?
Hi
m: I
’
m hur
t…butIguesst
hatmeansJamai
cai
tis.
WhoopWhoop!
!
Hepi
ckedmeupandspunmear
ound.
Me:
You’
remaki
ngmedi
zzy
.
Hepl
acedmeont
hecouchandknel
tinf
rontofme,
“Thankyou.Thismeansal
ott
ome. ”Hekissedme
ontheforehead,andt
henmyl
ips,
hemov edt omy
neck.
Me:
Baby
,wel
eav
ingf
ordi
nnersoonnot
imef
ort
hat
.
Heundi dthebeltonmydr ess, “
hhmmm…ohk. ”He
didn’tstop,mov edhi shandt omyt highsandl i
ft
ed
thedr esstomyhi ps,“nopant i
es?”Hel ookedupat
meandIcoul dn’thelpbutbl ush,“stop!”that
’sal
lI
managedt osaybef oreIfelthislipsonmyi nner
thigh,whichsentshockwav esrightthroughmy
body .Hespr eadmyl egsapar t
,Ifel
thiswar m
tongueonmycl it,
Iletoutal i
tt
lemoan.He
cont i
nuedgent lybeforepicki ngupt hepace, I
grabbedont ot hecouchandar chmyback…Iwas
neart heedgewhenIhear dSpha’ svoice.
Spha:Reall
yguy
s,canwenotbehav
eli
kehor
ny
teenager
s.
Me:
Fuck.
Ipul
leddownmydressandst
oodup;Khenangotup
l
icki
nghisl
ipsandgav
eSphaawink.
Spha:
I’
ll
leav
ethi
sher
e.
Heputanenv
elopeont
hesmallt
abl
eandwal
ked
out
.Igav
eKhenanthel
ookandheshr
ug.
Me:
Baby
,di
dyouhav
etodot
hat
?
Hi
m:Whatdi
dIdo?
Me:Wi
nkathi
m,don’
tthi
nkIdi
dn’
tseet
hat
.I’
m
goi
ngt
oshower.
Hef
oll
owedme,“
SoBabey ouangr
yatmebecauseI
l
ett
heguyknowt
hatIhav
et hegi
rl
?”
Me:Healr
eadyknowsthat
,I’
m madbecausey
ou’
re
r
ubbingi
tinhi
sface.
Hi
m:Baby
,I’
m sor
ryIwon’
tdoi
tagai
n.Don’
tbemad.
Iwal kedtothebedroom andst art
edtakingmydress
off
, het ookhiscl
othesoffandf ol
lowedmei nt
othe
bathr oom andstoppedmej ustasIopenedt he
showerdoor .“
BabyIsaidI’
m sor r
y,Iwon’tdoi
t
again. ”
Me:It
’sf
ine.Ij
ustwantt
oshowersowecanget
goi
ng.
Hi
m:Ki
ssme
Me:
Arewegoi
ngt
odot
his?
Het urnedmear oundandl eanedmeagai nstthe
showerdoor ,hisnakedbodyt ower edov erme.I
didn’tmov e,Ijustst aredi ntohisey es, Ifelthis
manhoodonmyt ummy .Ilookeddownandbackat
him.Iknewhewant edt of i
nishof fwhatwest ar t
ed,
sodi dIbuthewasbei ngmean.Ist eppedt ot hesi de,
that’
swhenhepul ledmebacki nfrontofhi m, he
l
eaneddownandki ssedmyl ips,Ikissedhi m back
andhel if
tedmeup.Ihadmyl egsar oundhi swai st,
hemov edt othesi nkandputmedownandputhi s
fi
ngeronmypeachandf eltIwasst i
llwetherpl ayed
aroundwi thmycl it
, til
l Istoppedhi m, “Iwanty ou.”
Het ookhi sfingersawayandputt hem i nmymout h
andIl i
ckedt hem.If elthi m ent ermer oughl yandI
bitdownonhi sfi
nger s, hel etoutal aughand
continuedt opoundi ntome.Hepi ckedmeupand
satont het oi
letseatandl etmet akecont rol,
hewas
l
ickingmyneckandki ssi ngmybr eastIfel thewas
aboutexpl ode.Henev erlast edwhenIwasont op.
Hewashol di
ngont omyhi pst i
ghtlyandsuckl ingon
myl eftbreast.Ifeltmy selfnear i
ngt heedgebuthe
l
etoutacr yfi
rst,
hehel dmet i
ght
lybreat
hingheavy
andIfoll
owedsoonaf termybodyshookinan
orgasm,heletoutamoanwhenmywal l
stight
ened
aroundhismanhood.Myor gasm l
astedawhi l
e,my
bodyjustkepttwit
chingandmywal lskept
ti
ghteni
ngandl ooseninguparoundhisshaft.
Wheni
tal
lfi
nal
l
yst
oppedheki
ssedmyl
i
ps,
“Hel
l
o.”
Il
aidmyheadonhi
sshoul
der
,“hi
”
Weshoweredandgotreadytomeetupwith
ev
ery
one,wegotther
eov eranhourl
ate.
Mbal
i
:Busymuch?
Me:
No,
traf
fi
c.
Her
:Thi
str
aff
icher
e?
Shet ouchedmyneck, andl aughedt ohersel
f.Fuck
thisman, Itol
dhi mtost opwi ththat.Weallsat
downandhaddi nner,t
hegi rl
sf el
tthatour
signif
icantot hersdidn’tknowmuchabouteach
otherandi twasonl yfairforthem toallmeet.Itwas
af unev ening;theboy sseemedt oreall
yenjoyeach
other’
scompany .Soitwentwel lal
linall
,especial
l
y
becauseforoneMbal iandIwer
en’
teachothersplus
one.Shewasst i
lldati
ngthemanfrom t
he
rest
aurantandhewasagoodguy ,
Ireal
lyli
kehim
andhegotal ongwithKhenansoIwashappywi th
him.Nevermar r
ied,nochi
ldr
en;
abonusi fyouask
me.
[
11/
23,
15:
52]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode18

Itwasonl yaweekt il
lthegir
lsandIjett
edoffto
Jamai caandIwasexci t
ed,Ihadboughtover20
swimsui ts.Khenant houghtitwastoomuch, butI
didn’
tr eall
ycare.Iwashal fwayt hr
oughpacking,
we
weregoi ngawayf orjustaweekbutIalreadyhad
twosui tcasesfull,
Khenanwal kedinasIwas
start
ingt opackt hethirdone,“Babyyouhavegotto
bekiddi ngme.”
Me:
What
?
Hi
m: Areyouplanni
ngonst
ayi
ngi
nJamai
cawi
thmy
motherful
lti
me?
Me:
Nev
er.Yout
hinki
t’
stoomuch?
Hi
m:Uhm,
yeah.
Myphoner angandi twasKal i
sa,whichwasthethi
rd
ti
met hi
sweek.Iignor edthecall
.Thenshecall
edon
Khenan’sphone,Ijustgavehimt hel
ookbuthe
answeredanyway s.Shebar el
yspoketohi
m she
wantedme.Idon’ tunderstandwhatthi
swoman
wanted;Ihadconf i
rmedov er6ti
mesaboutus
comingwhatmor edi dshewant ?
Me:
Hel
l
oMa.
Kal
i
sa:
Mybabyhowar
eyou.
Me:
I’
m goodt
hanks.
Kali
sa:Wel
l,Iwaswonder
ingar
eanyofy
ougi
rl
s
al
ler
gictoanythi
ng?
Me:
No,
weeatev
ery
thi
ng.Don’
twor
ryaboutt
hat
.
Kal
i
sa:
Whatt
imewi
l
lyoul
and?
Me:
Wewi
l
llandat13h00y
ourt
ime.
Kal
isa:
okaygr
eat
,soy
oushoul
dgett
othei
sl
and
ar
ound15h00.
Me:
Isl
and?
Kal
i
sa:
gott
ogo,
seey
ounextweek,
lov
eyou.

Shecutt hecal
lsofast,t
hiswomanwaswei r
dtoday.
IlookedupatKhenanandshr ug.Hesatdownnext
tome, “l
eaveKali
sa,youknowshecanbet oomuch.
Bestwayt odealwit
hheri stojustsmi
leandnod,
youdon’treal
lyhavetoli
sten.”
Me:Hawowandhowwil
lIev
ert
akey
ourmot
her
ser
iousl
yaf
tert
his?
Khenan:That
’swhyIt ol
dy ou,sothatyoudon’
ttake
herser
iousl
y.Bytheway ,Tareckoffer
edhisj
et.SoI
guessyouaretr
av el
l
ingtoJamai caVIPstyl
e.
Me:That’
sgreat,
Iwonthavet
owor ryaboutpay
ing
ext
raforbaggage(st
icki
ngmytongueout)
Hi
m:I
’
llbi
tet
hatof
f,dar
eme.
Hecametowardsmeast obit
eme, herol
l
edme
ont
othefl
oor
,“where’
sthatt
ongue?”hewast
ickl
i
ng
me,It
ri
edtobestr
ongbutIcouldn’
t.
Me:
Khenanst
opi
t!
Hewasn’
tst
oppi
ngsoIpul
l
edoutmyt
ongue.And
hebi
tmeplay
ful
l
y,andst
art
edki
ssi
ngme.He
st
opped.
Hi
m:It
hinkweshoul
dmov
eint
oget
her
.
Me:
Ithi
nknot
.
Him:Baby
,Iam her
ehal
ftheti
me.AndwhenI’
m not
heret
henyou’
reatmyhouse.Thi
sisst
upi
d.
Me:
You’
remar
ri
ed.Ican’
tli
vewi
thy
ou.
Him:Ar
eyougoi
ngtostartwi
tht
hatbul
l
shi
tagai
n?
Don’
tyoudar
eNothando.
Me: Butyouare,sowheny ourwi
fecomeswi t
hy our
chi
ldrenwherewi l
ltheyst
ay?At‘
our’house?Think
aboutit…yourideadoesn’
tmakesense.Wesl eep
nexttoeachotherandwakeupnextt oeachot her
,
whatmor ewoul dyouwant?
Hi
m:Iwantust
ohav
ethi
ngst
oget
her
,li
keacoupl
e.
Me:
I’
m notmov
ingi
nwi
thy
ou.
Hi
m:WhatdoIhav
etodot
ochangey
ourmi
nd?
Me:
Mar
ryme.
Hi
m:Not
handoy
ouknowIcan’
tdot
hatr
ightnow.
Me:
Fine.Getof
fme!
!!
Ipushedhi m of
fandl eftt
her oom.Ilockedmy sel
fin
myr oom Ididn’
twanthi mt oseemecr yi
ng.IknowI
wasbei ngstupi
dbecauseheexpl ai
nedittome, and
actuall
ywentasf arasshowi ngmet hemar r
iage
contract.Buti
tsti
llwasn’tenoughsomet i
me.I
wantedal lofhi
m.Hebangedont hedoor ,
“Nothandodon’tdot hisplease,anddon’tshutme
outrightnow.”
Ididn’tanswerhim;hecontinuedbangi ngonthe
door.Ijustsatther
ecrying,
Ididn’twantt odealwit
h
hi
m.Iwant edhim outofmyhousebuthewasn’ t
hearinganyofit.Aft
ersomet imehest opped, and
l
eft;thankgod.Isatthereandt henthedoort othe
balconyopenedandhewal kedi n.Wast hi
sman
crazy,didhejustcl
imbupont ot hebalcony?There
wasnost oppi
nghim.
Me:
Goaway
Hi
m:BabyI
’
m notgoi
ngany
wher
e.
Hesatdownnextt
omeandputhisarm ar
oundme.
Wesatther
eforawhi
l
eti
l
lhebrokethesil
ence.
Him:NothandoIhavewai
tedtool
ongfory
outobe
i
nmyl i
fe.Iam notgoi
ngt
oletthi
sst
upidt
hingr
uin
us.
Me:
It’
snotst
upi
d.
Hi
m: I
tisbaby, youknowmymar riagei
sn’
treali
tis
j
ustacontractual agreement
.Ifi
twereuptomeI
woul
dhav emar riedy ouyear
sago.ButIwil
lfi
xthis,
wewil
lbet ogether .
Ididn’trespondandwesatunt i
l i
tgotdar k.Heput
meont hebed, undert hecov ersandl eft.Iwasn’
t
botheredwher ehewent ,
Itri
edt ogetsl eepbutI
couldn’t.Iwasthinkingofcancel li
ngthewhol etri
p
andj ustspendingmybi rthdayal one.Itextedthe
gir
lsweshoul dgooutt omor rowni ght,andtheyall
agreedasperusual .Forsomer easont heychose
oneofKhenan’ sclubs.IguessIwoul dusehi mto
makeal astminuter eservation.Hewal kedi nt
othe
room andswi t
chedt hel i
ghtson, Ipr
etendedtobe
asleep.
Khenan:
Iknowy
ounotsl
eepi
ng;
don’
ttr
yyourt
ri
cks
wit
hme.
Iwantedtolaugh,butwasmad.It urnedaroundand
hewashol di
ngat rayinhishands.Hemadef ood,
andIsmiled.Heplacedt hetr
ayont hebedand
walkedtothedoor, hecameinwi t
habot t
leofred
wineandtwogl asses.
Me:
What
’st
his?
Hi
m: Food,appar
entl
ywomenl
ovef
oodespeci
all
y
af
terpi
ssingheroff
.
Me:
Ha,
ist
hatr
ight
?
Hi
m:I
sitnot
?Imadepast
a,eatup.
Isatupandtookthebowlofpastaandstar
ted
eati
ng.I
twasgood,secondti
meIwasbl ownaway
byhiscooki
ng.Hepouredmewi neandsatnextt
o
meandweat e.
Me:
CanIasky
ouf
oraf
avor
?
Hi
m:Fory
ouany
thi
ng.
Me:Wel
lthegir
lsandIwantt
ogoouttomorr
owand
waswonderi
ngifwecoul
dmakealastminut
e
r
eser
vat
ion?
Hi
m:Not
hando,
youguy
swi
l
lgoouti
nJamai
canext
weekwhydoy
ouguy
shav
etopar
tyt
hisweek.
Me:BecauseIj
ustneedi
t,Iwantt
ohav
efunaf
ter
t
oday.
Igav
ehim puppydogeyes,
andheagr
eed.Heputon
amov i
eandwef el
lasl
eepwat
chi
ngit
.

Mbaliwal
kedi
nwi
thacl
othi
ngr
ail
,shel
ooked
f
lushed.
Me:
Whati
sal
lthi
s?
Mbal
i
:Weneedtol
ookhott
onightsoever
yoneis
comi
ng;
wehir
edali
mototakeust ot
heclub.
Me:
Whyt
hebi
gdeal
?
Her
:Angazi,
Ayandaj
ustwant
edtogoallout.So
whynot?Let
’spi
ckdr
essesbefor
ethesebi
tchesget
her
e!!
!
Wel ookedthroughall
thedressesandnonewer emy
styl
e.Iwasnotsmal ll
iketherestofthegir
lsandall
thesedressesweresupersmal l
.Ihadtogoi ntomy
owncl osett
of i
ndsomet hi
ng.Isett
ledforatight
highwaistski
rtallt
hewaydownt omyankl es,anda
sl
eev
edcr
opt
op.

Thecl ubwashappeni ng;t

herewassomeki ndof
event ,
redcarpetattheent r
ance,phot ogr
aphers.We
walkedi nandwer esentt oourVIPt ableandordered
dri
nks.Khenancamei nlooki
ngal lki
ndsofsexy ,he
obv i
ouslygroomedwel lf
ortheev ent,andhegota
haircutandshaved.Iwant edhimr i
ghtthereand
then.Hecamet ous, satforalit
tl
ewhi leandkissed
mewhenhel ef
t.Hekeptcomi ngtocheckuponus
allnight,
wedanced.
Itwasaf unni ghtunt i
lthecopsst oppedt hepar ty
,
somedr ugraid,Khenanwasar rest
edandt heclub
shutdown.Idi dn’tknowwhatwasgoi ngon, hejust
tol
dmet ogohomehewi llcomet omel ater.Ididn’
t
evenknowwhi chhomehemeant ,Iwenttomy
house.Itookaqui ckshowerandputonpant i
esand
avestwithar obe.Mbal i hadcomehomewi thme,
butshewasdr unkandpassedoutont hecouch.I
madecof feeandhadaci garett
e.Iswitchedonmy
l
aptopandi twasal r
eadyal lovertwi
tter,i
nstagram
andfacebook.Pi cturesofhi mincuffs…Iwasso
str
essedandst art
edpacingt heroom.Icoul dn’ttake
thi
s;Iwenttothebarandpour edawhi sky.Itooki t
all
backinonego, t
hentri
edhi scell
phoneagai n; and
nothi
ng!Itr
iedtocallCharl
ie,buthewasn’ tpicking
up.Idi
dn’tevenknowi fTareckwasi nthecount r
y
butIcal
ledhim, heseemedt obesl eeping.
Me:Tarecksor
ryt
owakey
ou,
butKhenanhasbeen
ar
rest
ed!
Hi
m:What
?Wher
e?
Me:Att
hecl
ub,
LongSt
reet
.Theyar
esay
ingi
tis
dr
ugs.
Hi
m:I
’
llcal
lyouback
Me:
Thanks.
Iwait
edaboutanhourti
l
lthedooropen,Tareckand
Khenanwalkedi
nlaughi
ngaboutsomething.
Me:
Iwaswor
ri
edsi
ck,
arey
oual
ri
ght
?
Him:Yes,
youdi
dn’
thav
etogetTar
eckup.Ihadt
his
handl
ed!
Me:Welli
fitwer
ehandledyouwouldn’thavebeeni
n
cuf
fs.Whatwasthatal
labout
?It
’salloversoci
al
medi
a,i
t’
scr
azy
.
Tar
eck:Youknowhowthesecopsar
e,f
orei
gncl
ub
ownerequal
sdrugs.
HelookedatKhenanandt
henatme,
“doy
ouhav
e
any
thingtodr
ink?”
Me:
Yeah,
int
hebar
.
KhenanandIwerelef
tstandi
ngther
e,“
Babydon’
t
worryi
t’
snot
hing,Iwoul
dn’tbeher
eifi
twasn’
t.
”
Me:Khenan,
Ijustf
eel
thaty
ou’
rehi
dingsomet
hing
f
rom me.
Hi
m: Baby,
I’
mtir
edpleasecanwer
estsoIcanwake
upandtakecar
eofthismess.

Iwasn’thappywit
ht heanswerIwasget ti
ng,butIl
et
i
tgo.Itwasahect i
cni ght.Andfortherestofthe
weekhedi dn’
tbr
ingi tup.Khenanleftt
woday s
befor
eusf orJamaica.Iwasv eryexcit
edaboutt hi
s
tr
ip.
[
11/
23,
15:
52]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode19
Welanded, andKhenanwast her
et opickusup.It
wasgr eathav i
ngaf amili
arfacepickingusupatthe
ai
rport.Ihatedseei ngmynameonaboar dheldup
byatot alst
ranger.Wet ravel
edintwocar s,t
his
pl
acewasbeaut i
ful.West oppedatahar bor,Idi
dn’t
understand.Thegent l
emenputourl uggageontoa
boatandweboar ded, t
ravell
edforabout30mi nutes
unti
lwegott oani sland.
Me:
Babyy
oucoul
dn’
twar
nusaboutt
his?
Wehadsandi nourshoes;heledust
oahugehouse.
Andi
talladdedup,Iunder
stoodwhatKal
i
sameant
byi
sland.

Sam:
Whaty
ourhousei
sonani
sl
and?
Khenan:
Wel
l
,thei
slandi
sour
stoo.
Me:
Real
l
ynow?I
sn’
tthatabi
text
reme?

Wewentupt
ot hehouseandKali
sawast heret
o
gr
eetus,
wegreetedandwenti
nside.Sheledusto
t
hepati
oandt
herewasat
abl
esetoutwi
thf
ood,
t
hiswomanwasovert
het
op.
Kal
i
sa:
Sitdown;
eatupsoy
ouguy
scanr
est
.
Wehadl unchandshel edust oourrooms.Her
housewasbeaut iful
,andneat l
ykept.Nowondershe
wasl onely,thisplacei shugeandit’
sonl yhereand
thest aff.Igott omyr oom anditwasbi g,even
biggert hanmyr oom i nmyhouse.I thadanensui t
e
andabal conyashar edbal conywithther oom next
door .Iwentoutt oseewhomynei ghborwasand
ther oom wasempt y
; bummer .It
ookashowerand
goti ntobed.Jet lagisnoj oke,Idri
ft
edof ftosleep.I
wokeupi nt hemi ddleofthenightwithKhenan
wr appedar oundme.Wast hisboyserious?Inhis
mot her’
shouse?Ishookhi m awake,“Whatar ey ou
doi nginmyr oom? ”
Hi
m:BabeI
’
m sl
eepi
ng.
Me:
Wecan’
tdot
his;
thi
sisdi
srespect
ful
toy
our
mot
her
.
Hi
m:Shewon’
tfi
ndout
.I’
l
lbegonebyt
hemor
ning.
Ilefthim,wentdownst airstogetsomet hingtodr i
nk.
Iwentbackupandhewast her estil
linbed.It ri
edto
getsomesl eepbutwasnotwi nning.Iwentonmy
phone, checkedmysoci al medi a,boring.Iwent
throughmyemai l
s,andnot hingi mportant.Isatup
unt i
l4am andIcoul dn’
tt akei tanymor e.Igotup
tookashowerandwentdownst air
s;thest af
fhad
alreadystartedtocleanupandst arti
ngt omake
breakfast.SoIhadnopl acet here,Iwentback
upst ai
rsandchangedi ntomygy m gear ,andwent
forar un.Ididn’
tknowt hepl acesodi dn’
tgov er
yfar,
wasont hebeachmai nly.Igotbackandev eryone
washav i
ngbr eakfast,whenIgotupst air
st oshower
Khenanwasst i
lli
nbed.
Me:
Baby
,ar
eyoual
ri
ght
?
Hi
m:YeahI
’
m good,
justt
ir
ed.
Me:Al
ri
ghtl
etmeshowert
henwi
l
lbr
ingy
ouup
somet
hingt
oeat
.
Hewalkedint
othebathr
oom,
“Soy
oudeci
dedwhat
youwanttodotoday
?”
Me:
Wast
hinki
ngwecangot
otheBobMar
ley
Museum,andmaybet
heHeroesPar
k?How’
sthat
,
wearecl
osetoKi
ngst
onri
ght?
Hi
m:Youdi
dyourr
esear
ch,
I’
mimpr
essed.
Me:
Mxm what
ever
.
Thedaywasgr eat,
andsowast hetri
p.Wespent
mostofitonthebeach,Igotatan.Wehadasmall
supperonmybi r
thdaywit
hev er
yone,
Imetmoreof
Khenan’
sfri
endsandf amil
yitwasafunni
ght.
Wewer eleav
ingthenextdayandIhadabl ast,
honestl
yIwantedtostayali
tt
lewhi
lelonger.Iwas
tal
kingtoKal
isawhenKhenancall
ed,“
Whaty ou
doing?”
Me:
I’
mtal
ki
ngt
oyourmot
her
,what
’sup?
Khenan:
Bereadyby04h30,
casual
please.Wewi
l
l
bewalki
ng.
Me:
Ok,
I’
ll
seey
oul
ater
.
Iwassi
tt
ingontheporchwit
hKal
isawhenKhenan
camecarr
yingabagpack,“
your
eady?”
Me,
“yi
p,l
et’
sgo”
Wewal kedintotheisland,therewasaj unglefeelt
o
i
tbuttherewasapat h.Thesunwasst arti
ngtoset
butitwasstil
lashot .Wet alkedaboutsomeoft he
thi
ngswedi dovertheweek, andaboutgoi nghome.
Wegott othehighestpoi ntont heisl
and, andthere
wasapi cni
csetup.Thesunwasj ustsetting,
itwas
beauti
ful
.
Hi
m:Come,
let
’ssi
t.
Me:
Thi
sisbeaut
if
ul.
Him:It
’smyfavor
it
espotontheisl
and,
youcansee
ever
ythi
ng.Andwhenthesuntouchest
heedgeof
theocean;
it’
ssomethi
ngwordscannotexpl
ain.
Wesatwat chingthesunset
,eat
inganddr i
nking
champagne.I twasmagi cal
,i
twasstarti
ngt oget
darkandhel i
tthelampshewascar r
ying,hehad
thisall
preparedtot het
ee.Westayedal i
ttl
ewhile
l
ongerbef oreheadingback.Hegavemea
piggybackridetil
lwegottothehouse.

Thetr
ipwasf
unandl eavingwasbi
tt
ersweet
,Kal
i
sa
andIhadr
eal
lyconnected.Isawadi
ffer
entsi
deto
her,
whichIact
ual
l
yli
ked.Buthadt
ogohome,
I
missedmyhouse,mybed.
WelandedinSouthAf ri
caandallwentourseparat
e
ways,Khenaninsi
stedIspendthenightwit
hhim.He
l
oadedthecarwhi l
eIwai t
edi
nsideforhi
m; he
j
umpedi nandsaid,“Canwestopsomewher eplease,
j
ustfor5mi nut
es?”
Me:
Ok,
cool
.
Wedroveforawhileanddroveint
oadr i
vewayof
somehouse,thegatesopenedandhesignaledfor
metogetout.Wewal kedtothedoorofthehouse.
Hi
m: IknowIdi
dn’tgety
ouanythi
ngfory
our
bi
rt
hday;Iwant
edt owai
tunt
ilwecameback.Happy
Bi
rt
hdaymyl ov
e..
.

Hehandedmeasetofkey
s,“
Baby
,what
’st
his?
”
Hi
m:Yournewhouse.
Me:
What
?
Henodded,
Ithi
nkIscr
eamedabitandjumpedon
hi
m!!Thi
shousewassomethi
ngelse,
wasaglass
house,biggerthanmi ne.Itwastoogorgeous, t
he
gardenatt hebackwashuge, andtheentert
ainment
areawasoutoft hi
swor ld,br
aaiandpool ar
ea,
ci
nema.Iwasl ostforwor ds;
Ilovedi
tandcoul dn’
t
waittofurnishitup.
Iwasov ert
hemoon, Icouldn’tcontainmy sel
f.We
l
eftt hehouseandheadedt ohishouse.We
shower edandthenhewentt ot hestudytogeta
l
itt
lewor kdone.Ihadaf ewmi nutestosetupt he
room, andgivehim aproperthanky ou.Iputont he
redlightbul
bs,li
tafewcandl es.Iplacedachai r
facingthebedandputonmysexyl inger
ie.Hecame
i
nj ustasIfini
shed,“Nothandowhat ’
sthi
s.”
Me:
Ssshhh…t
akeaseat
.

HesatdownandIwal kedupbehi ndhim and

whi
speredinhisear,“
Thisist hankyou.”Inibbled
hi
searseducti
velyandwor keddownt ohisneck.I
wal
kedaroundt hechairandsatonhi slapfacing
hi
m andkissedhim hungril
y,andthenstopped.He
l
eanedforwardformor eandIpul l
edmyheadback.I
stoodupagai nandwal kedt othesi dedr awer ,“take
yourtopoff.”Hedi dj ustt hat, “
Si tdown. ”Agai nhe
foll
owedmyi nstruction,Iwal kedov ertohi m andsat
backonhi slapandki ssedhi m, onhi slips, hisear s,
anddownhi schest .Iwasi nasquat tingposi t
ion
andpulledhi spantsdownt ohi sknees.Hi s
manhoodst oodsohar d,andIl i
ckedt het ip, hel et
outasmal lmoan.Il ookedupathi m andhi sey es
wer ecl
osed, Iputhimi nmymout handwor kedon
him.Heputhi shandonmyhead, andIst opped,
“youdon’tgett otouch. ”Icont i
nuedwor ki ngonhi m;
hewasmoani ngandl ookingdownatme, “BabyI ’
m
goingtocome. ”Iwor kedf asterandheexpl odedi n
mymout handIswal lowedev er ybitofi t.Hewas
sti
llhar
dandIknewhest illwant edtogoon, Iwas
drippi
ngwet .Igotupandsatont hebedf acinghi m,
Ispreadmyl egsforhi mt osee, pull
edmypant yt o
thesideandst ar
tedpl ayingwi thmycl i
t,unt ilI
reachedmypeekandcol lapsedonmyback.Af ew
secondlaterIsatbackupandputmyf i
nger si nmy
mout h,“
wantsome? ”Henodded, Isignal edf orhi m
tocomeov er.Hest oodup, wal kedt owar dsmeI
heldoutmyhandandhesuckedonmyf inger s,knelt
i
nf rontofmeandl ickedmypeach.Iwasv er y
sensitiveandsqui rmedabi t,buthedi dn’tst opunt ilI
wasscr eami ngoutandmywhol ebodywasv ibrati
ng.
Heki ssedmyl i
pshungr il
yandst opped, hel ooked
downatmei nmyt inyl i
nger ie.Het oremypant i
es,
andl i
ftedmeupandposi ti
onedmeont ohi sshaf t.
Hedi dn’tev enbot herst artingof fsl owly; hewent
deepi nont hef i
rstt imeandcont inuedwi thdeep
hardt hrusts.Hehadmei nt heai r, t
henmov edmet o
thebedl aidmedownandknel tov ermeandt oremy
braof f.Ihadl ostcont r
ol,hewasi ncont rol now.He
turnedmeov eront omykneesandent eredmef rom
behind, hegr abbedmyhai rbackandwhi sper edi n
myear ,“Idon’ tgett ot ouchuh? ”hespankedme,
“How’ sthat ?Youl iket hat?”Inodded, andhe
spankedmehar der ,heputhi shandar oundmyneck
andst artedchoki ngme.I twasn’ tt oohar dbutj ust
roughenough, “Spankme. ”Hel aidonehar dspank
onmyl ef tcheek, If elthim andIl etoutascr eam, I
couldf eel my sel faboutt ocome, hewhi sper edi nmy
ear,“Comef ormebaby .
”Andst ar tedt hrust ing
fasterandf ast er,Ir eachedmypeakandmywal l
s
clenchedt i
ght lyar oundhi sshaf tunt i
lher eachedhi s
peak,“OhfuckNot hando,aaah.”Hel etgoofmy
neckandIf el
ltothebedf acedown, andhe
coll
apsedont opofme.Wel ayt herebreathi
ng
heavyandtryi
ngt ocatchourbr eaths.Her ol
ledoff
me, “
Thatwasamazi ng,babyyouar eamazi ng.”I
l
ookedathi m,“Iknow”Iwal kedt othebathroom to
shower,hefoll
owed.Weshower edandcl eanedup
themesswehadmade.
Me:
I’
m hungr
y.
Hi
m:Copyt
hat
.
Hepi
ckedmeupandcarri
edmedownstai
rs,
heput
meonthecount
erandopenedt
hef
ri
dge,“
Drink?
”
Me:
Please.
Hi
m:Sowhatmustumake?
Me:
any
thi
ngf
att
yandcheesy
.
Hemadebaconandcheeset oastedsandwiches
whil
eIsatonthecount
erwatchinghim anddrinki
ng
champagne.Wewentouttothepatioforacigaret
te
ti
ll
weheardshouti
ngcomingfrom insi
de,“Khenan!!
Khenan!
!”
Wegetbacki
nsi
deandf
indKhensani
int
hel
ounge.
Khenan:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Her
:Weneedt
otal
k.
Hi
m:Real
l
yatt
hist
ime?Ar
eyoucr
azy
?
Her:Khenan,
it’
simpor
tant
.Ineedt
otal
ktoy
oui
n
pr
ivate.
Shegav
emet
hel
ook.
Khenan:Nothandoi
sn’
tgoi
ngany
wher
e;wecant
alk
i
nfrontofher.
Her
:It
’saboutMar
ques.
Helookedshocked;hest
oodtherequi
etf
orabit
.He
t
urnedaroundtofaceme,“Baby
,canyouwai
tforme
i
nbed.I’l
lbej
ustup.”
Inodded,
heki
ssedmyf
oreheadandIwentupst
air
s.
[
11/
23,
15:
53]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode20

*
***
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
**
Her
:Howt
hef
uckcany
oubesost
upi
dKhenan!
Me:
Noneedt
oshout
,comei
ntot
hest
udy
.

Iwassoconfused;
Idi
dn’
tknowwhatwas
happeni
ng.
Her:
Khenan,
howcany
ouputourl
i
vesi
ndangerl
i
ke
t
his?
Me:
canyoujustcal
m downandtell
mewhat
Mar
queshastodowi t
hanyt
hing?
Her
:hecamet
othehouseKhenan!
!
Me:
How,
Itookcar
eofhi
myear
sago.
Her:Wellmaybei
fyouwer
en’
trunni
ngaroundaf
ter
yourl
it
tl
ewhor et
henyouwer
egoingtogetthej
ob
doneproper
ly!
Me:
Whatdoeshewant
?
Her
:Hedi
dn’
tsay
,hej
ustgav
emet
his.
Shehandedmeat ar
otcar
dwi
thadaggeroni
t,and
abloodspl
att
er.
Me:
Fuck!
!Getout
!!
Her:
Iam notgoinganywheret
il
lyout
ell
mehowy
ou
ar
egoingtosortoutthi
sprobl
em.
Ipi
ckedupthephone,
“Whereareyou?
”(Pause)“
I
needyouhereboy
,shi
tisaboutt
ohitt
hefan.”
Me:
Wher
ear
etheki
ds?
Her :Theyareinschool.Khenanhowdi dthishappen,
thisfuckerissupposedt obedead,you’
rebusy
playinghousewi thyourgir
lf
ri
endandI ’
m being
threatenedatgunpoi ntbecauseyoufai
ledto
eli
mi natetheproblem.Ihopehesmokesy ourass;
youdeser veitforbeingthi
scarel
ess.
Me:
Khensani
,getoutofmyhouseIneedt
othi
nk!
!

Ipouredawhisky
, Iwassomad.Thisguyshoul dbe
rot
ti
ngatthebottom oftheocean,
buty etherehei
s
thr
eateni
ngme.It hr
ewtheglassatthewal landi
t
shatt
ered,
andheldmyheadi nmyhands.If elt
Nothando’
sarmsar oundmef r
om behind.
Her
:Baby
,what
’swr
ong.
Me:
don’
twor
ryabouti
t.Ihav
eithandl
ed.
Her
:Itdoesn’
tlookl
i
kei
t.Tal
ktome.
Me:Ican’
t,
it’
scompl
i
cat
ed.Ij
ustneedt
othi
nkand
f
igur
eitout.
Her
:I’
l
llety
oube.

Sheletgoofmeandwalkedoutoft
hestudy.I
pouredanot
herdr
inkandmadeacall
,“Paul
,gather
thegangandmeetmeatthewarehousein30.”
Ipacedtheroom andli
tacigaret
te;Ipouredanother
dri
nkandsatdown.ThenIt houghtIhadbeencol d
toNothandoandshedi dn’
ttakethatverywell
.I
walkedupst
airstocheckonherandshewasn’ t
ther
e,eveni
nt hebathr
oom nothi
ng.Idialedher
numberandshepi ckedup,“Baby
, whereareyou.
”
Her
:I’
m atmyhouse.It
houghty
ouneededspace.
Me:
Baby
,Idi
dn’
tmeanl
eav
e.
Her:
Don’twor
ryabouti
t;y
ouandy
ourwi
fecansor
t
outyourpr
obl
em.
Shecutthecall.Shi
tIdidn’thav eti
mef orthis,
not
nowr eal
ly
.Igotdressedandheadedoutt omeet
withthegang.Igotthereandt heywerealready
waiti
ngforme.Iwal kedstraightupt oTinyand
grabbedhim byhisshirtandpi nnedhim againstt
he
wall,
withmyhandsar oundhi sneck.
Ti
ny:
Boss,
whatdi
dIdo?
Me:
Wel
lwhatdi
dn’
tyoudo?
Ti
ny:
Idon’
tknowwhaty
ou’
ret
alki
ngabout
.
Me:
Wel
ll
etmesee,
Mar
ques.
Hisey eswi dened,andIlethim downandhestar
ted
coughi ng.RightthereandthenIknewthathewas
guil
ty!Whatt hefuck,howcouldInotknow?
Me:Seri
ouslyTi
ny?Iaskedy
out
ohandl
ehi
m,what
thef
uckhappened?Howmuch?Howmuchdidhe
payyoutolethi
m go?
Ti
ny:
Bosshet
hreat
enedmyf
ami
l
y?
Me:Howwashegoi
nggett
oyourf
ami
l
yifhewas
dead?
Ti
ny:
Hehaspeopl
e!!
Me:IHAVEPEOPLE!
!!
!Ohbuddyyoufuckedup,y
ou
f
uckedupgood.Nowgett
hefuckoutofhereand
f
indwherehei
s.
Hescr abbledaway ,andIli
tacigarett
e.“IthoughtI
wasdonewi thallthi
sshit?Comeonguy s,I’
ma
busi
nessman.Ican’ tberunni
ngthest r
eet,kil
li
ng
people.Notsol ongagoIal mostspenttheni ghti
n
pri
son, somebodyi ssleepi
ngont hejob.May beit’
s
becauseIhav en’tbeenhandson, youguy sthinkyou
candoasy ouplease.Ther ul
eshav en’
tchanged, so
whyar ewesl i
ppingup? ”
Theyallj
ustlookedatme, “
Guy swej uststicktothe
pl
an.Weneedt obecar ef ulbecauseMar quesi ssti
ll
al
iveandIt hi
nkhei sgoingt owantourt erri
tor
y,and
wecan’thav eanyoft hat.Youguy sknowhi scats;
hi
tmeupi fanythi
nghappens.Andmakesur eyou’r
e
al
waysstrapped, thereisawarcomi ng.Fr om now
onI’
m goingt obear oundmor eoften,ti
l
l wehav e
deal
twiththisissue.”
Justaswefi
nishedupTareckcal
l
ed,
“….Al
ri
ghtI
’
ll
meetyoubackatthehouse.”
Tar
eckwassitti
ngatt
hekit
chencount
erwhenI
walkedi
n,wit
habottl
eofwhiskyandt
woglasses,
“What’
swrongnowbabybrother
?”
Me:
IfuckedupReck!
!
Hi
m:Whathappened?
Me:
Mar
ques.
Hi
m:Whatabouthi
m?
Me:
He’
sal
i
ve.
Hi
m:Al
i
vewher
e?Whatdoy
oumean?
Me:Tinywasboughtoffanddi
dn’
tfol
l
owthrough,
hecontact
edKhensani
.Thatmeansheknowswhere
mykidsare,andmaybeknowsaboutNot
handotoo…
Him:Howcouldyoul
etthishappenthough?How
canyoutr
ustoneofyouremployeeswithsomet
hing
l
iket
his?Ishoul
dhav
et akencareofthi
s.

Hewasmad,
andIdidn’
tbl
amehi m.Isai
dIwoul
d
t
akecar
eofi
tbutIwasbusychasi
ngaroundwit
h
Nothando, butnowherlif
emaybei ndanger.Idid
fuckupandIhadt ofixi
t,Ihadt omakesur emy
fami l
yissafefir
stbefor
ebei ngabletodealwi t
hit.I
gotKhensani togetthechildrenoutofschool t
ot he
housei nItal
y,t
heywouldbesaf ether
e.Ineededt o
distancemy sel
ffrom Nothandot okeephersaf eand
prayt hatMarquesdoesn’tknowabouther .SoI
didn’tspeaktoherandav oidedhercall
s.

*
***
***
***
***
***Not
hando*
***
***
***
***
***
**

Ihadn’ tspokent oKhenani nweeks,Iwasmi serable.

Ihadn’ tl
eftthehousei nday s,
andIr eal
l
ywasn’ t
planningongoi ngany wher eanyt
imesoon.Ihadt he
curtainsdrawnandwasi ncompletedarkness.Ionl y
wentdownst air
sf orfoodormor ealcohol,abat h?
Wel lIcan’tevenr ememberwhenl astIhadt aken
one.Iwasmad; IwashurtandIwasangr y
.Ihad
event akenoft her i
ngKhenangav emeonChr istmas.
Thedoorsqueakedopen, andIburi
edmyhead
undert hecov ers.Afewsecondsl aterIheardt he
curt
ainsopenandnextt
hingt
hecov
erswer
efl
unked
offt
hebed.
Spha:
Youst
ink!
!
Me:
Goaway
.
Spha:Whatthehel
li
sgoingonwithyouIhavebeen
tr
yingtogetahol
dofyouallweekandnothi
ng,you
don’tr
espondtomessages,
evenemail
s.Getup!
Me:
No!
!!Howdoy
oukeepget
ti
ngi
nher
e?
Spha:
Please,
youshoul
dn’
taskst
upi
dquest
ions.
Hewenti
ntot
hebat
hroom,
“Smel
l
sli
keapi
gst
y
her
e.”
Hewentt or unmeabat hinoneoftheotherrooms;I
couldhearhi m onthephonewi
thsomeone.Ipaid
him nomi nd;hedraggedmeoutofbedandl eftme
i
nt hebathroom tocleanmysel
fup.Ij
ustsatinthe
bathandsoakedmyhai rinhewat
erandl oweredmy
faceundert hewater.
Spha:Whatthef
uckar
eyoudoi
ng?DoIhav
eto
super
visey
oubathi
ng?
Me:
Iwasn’
ttr
yingany
thi
ng.
Lucki
l
yMbaliwal
kedin,
“thatbadhey?”shepushed
hi
m outandcl
osedthedoor.“Babe,
Ileav
efor10
daysandcomebacktothis?
”
Ikeptqui
etandj
ustsatther
e.Shelookedatme,
“Gi
rl
I’
m suret
herei
sanexplanat
ionforthi
s,aval
i
done
too.
”
Me:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Mbali
:Sphacall
edme.Wearegoi
ngouttoni
ght;y
ou
needtolookhotsot
hismancanseewhatheis
missi
ngouton.
Me:Idon’
tthi
nkIwanttogooutact
ual
l
y.Iwantt
o
st
ayindoor
s,al
onepref
erabl
y.
Mbali
:Iti
sn’
taquest
ion,fi
nishbathi
ngandI’l
lmake
yousomethi
ngtoeat.You’
reskinny,i
tdoesn’
tsui
t
youbabe.
Shel eftmeandIst ayedinthebathtil
lthewat ergot
cold.WhenIgott omybedr oom i
twascl eanandt he
beddi ngwaschanged.Iputont racksuitpant
sanda
topthenheadeddownst ai
rs.SphaandMbal iwer e
whisper ingtoeachotheri
nt heki
tchenandIcoul dn’
t
bebot hered.Iwal
kedinandwentf orthefri
dge, all
theal
coholwasgone.“
Iwast
hinki
ngmay
bey
oucan
havecof
fee,
”sai
dSpha.
Me:Youwer
ethi
nki
ng?I
nmyhouse?Howdoest
hat
wor
k?
Spha:Youjustneedtocleary
ourheadal
i
ttl
ebi
t,I
foundthi
sundery ourbed.
Hehandedmet heri
ngKhenanhadgotf ormeon
Chri
stmas.Iputitdownonthecounterandwentto
thestudyandcamebackwi thabott
leofgin.Igot
toni
candagr apefr
uitfr
om t
hefr
idgeandmi xedmy
dri
nk,“Sowhatarey oumaki
ng?”

Mbal
i:
Ithi
nkSphaisri
ghtmay
bey
ouneedt
osl
ow
downontheal
cohol
.
Me:
Spha?Whywoul
dhehav
easayi
nany
thi
ngher
e?
Mbal
i
:Becausehei
sher
efory
ouwhennobodyel
se
i
s.
Me:
Idi
dn’
taskhi
mtobe.
Mbal
i:
LookaroundTee,wearehere.Don’
tbeabi
tch
t
othepeopl
ewhoar etr
yingt
ohelp.
Me: Her
e?Youj et
tedof fsomewher
eandlef tmein
thi
sstatethatI
’
mi n.Somuchforyoukeepingthe
promisetoneverleaveme.Wel l
IguessIcan’tr
ely
onyout her
e.

OkIr eal
i
zedaftersayi
ngthatoutl
oudt hatIwas
beingabitbit
chy.Nextthi
ngMbalislapsmeacross
theface,Il
ookupatherandshei steari
ngup.
Mbali:
Tee, Ididn’
tleavey ou;Ihadwor k.Iknowy ou
arehurti
ngbutt hatisnowayt ospeakt oy ouroldest
fr
iend,yoursister
.Ididn’tleaveyou,Iwasawayf or
workandnowIam back.Sost opbehav inglikea5
yearol
dandgety ourf uckenactt oget
her .Khenanis
j
ustaf uckenman, youdidn’tl
oseaki dney .

Ididn’
tknowhowt oreactorrespondandIj ust
start
edcryi
ngtoo.Shehuggedmeandwest ood
thereforwhatseemedlikeet
ernit
y,“
Uhm, sor r
yto
cutthecuddli
ngshortbutsomethingisburning
[
11/
23,
16:
15]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode21
Idecidedt hegirlsmayhav eapoi ntIcan’ tstay
l
ockedi njustbecauseofaman.Sowewentoutt hat
night,andbecauseoft hebur ntf oodwest artedwi t
h
supper .Thenheadedt othecl ub, Ididn’tknowt hey
bookedat ableatKhenan’ scl ub.It ookadeep
breathandwewal kedi nweor der edourdr inksand
chill
ed.Khenanwasnowher et obeseen, andt hat
wasagoodt hing.Toni ghtIj ustst uckt othe
champagnewhi l
et hegirl
swer emi xi
ngand
mat ching.Whenmybot t
lesofchampagnecame
thewai tresshandedmeabox, agol dbox, may be
thesizeofamat chbox.Shegav emeawi nkandI
wasl eftconf used; Idi
dn’tknowwhati twas.When
theladyl eftIopenedt heboxandt herewer e5pi ll
s
i
nt hebox.Il ookedatt het ablenextt ousandt he
girl
swer ehol di
ngagol dbox, t heseboxeswer e
everywher e.Whatt hehell,wer et heysel l
i
ngdr ugs
throught hecl ub, didKhenanknowaboutt his?Ileft
thegi r
lst ogoseei fKhenanwasar oundandwhenI
gott ohisof ficehewasn’ tt her e.WhenIgotbackt o
thegi r
lsIcaughtagl i
mpseofhi m goingoutt hrough
theback,andIf i
guredhewouldbebacksoon.I
j
oinedthegi rl
sandkeptchecki ngatthedoortosee
i
fhei scomi ngi n.anhourwentbyandnot hi
ng.It
old
thegirl
sIwoul dbebackandIwentoutback, I
steppedoutandsawKhenani nav estandagunin
hishand.Hewasst andi
ngoveradeadbody ;hehad
bloodsplat
ter edalloverhi
sface.Therewere3other
guysthere,Ijustf r
oze.
*
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

Itur
nedaroundandshi t
!Nothandowasstandi
ng
ri
ghtther
e.Shedidn’tmoveshewasjuststi
ll
.Idi
dn’
t
knowwhatt odo,Itookasteptowar
dsherand
real
iz
edIsti
llhadtheguninmyhandandIst opped,
“Baby…”
Iwasatal ostf
orwor dsIdidn’
tevenknowhowI
wasgoi ngtostar
texplai
ningwhyIwasst anding
overadeadbody .HowwasIgoi ngtoexplainthatI
hadjustkil
ledaman?It ookonemor estepclosert
o
her,
“Pleasegohome, myhouse, andwaitforme
ther
e.Wi l
lcomeinthenext30mi nutes”Shestood
ther
ewit
houtsay
ingawordforawhi
l
e;shet
hrewa
boxatmeandwalkedaway.
Gosh,
Ihadj
ustmessedt
hingsup.Itur
nedar
ound
t
heguyswer
ejustst
andi
ngaroundlooki
ngatme.
Me:
Cleant
hismessup
Bukhosi
:Whatmustwedowi
tht
hebody
?
Me:
doy
ouwantabul
l
eti
nyourheadt
oo?

Ical
l
edCharl
ietocomeoutbackandpi
ckmeup.I
goti
nthecarandwedrov
eoff,“
Tiny
?”
Me:
(Il
etoutasi
gh)notnowChar
li
e.
Char
li
e:Thenwhen?Shef
oundoutdi
dn’
tshe?
Me:
Who?
Charl
i
e: Shestormedoutthecl
ub;
Iknowsomethi
ng
musthav egottentoher
.Andnowseei
ngyoul
ike
thi
s,i
tjustconfir
mssheknows.
Me:
Ihadjustpoppedhi
m.Ididn’
tev
enknowwhat
t
osay.If
roze,
andIneverf
reeze.
Char
li
e:Justt
ell
herev
ery
thi
ng.
Me:Iti
sn’tthateasy .Shedoesn’tknowany thi
ng
aboutt
hislife,withKhensaniitwaseasi er
.Wewent
i
ntothi
st ogether,Nothandowi l
lnev erunderstand.
Shewon’tgeti t
,shewasmadatmebef or
ebutnowI
knowforaf actshewon’ twantanythi ngtodowi t
h
me.I’
m amur derer;
shecannev erlov emenow.
FuckTinyandMar ques!!IfTi
nyhadj ustdonehisjob
noneofthiswoul dev enbehappeni ng.
Charl
i
e:Shei
sstr
ongert
hany
out
hink,
shemi
ght
act
uall
ysur
pri
seyou.
Me:Surpr
iseme?Andacceptthatshei
sdeal
i
ngwith
adruglor
d,whomur der
speoplewhent
heycr
oss
hi
m?Shewi llf
earme;shewil
lfeart
hemonst
ersI
havetodealwit
h.Iwantout
!
Charli
edroppedmeof fathome; t
heli
ghtswer
eall
offexceptinthel
ounge.Nothandomustbewaiti
ng
forme.Iwal kedi
nonlytofi
ndTarecksit
ti
ngwit
ha
bottl
eofv odkaandanicebucket.
Me:
Tar
eckwhatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Hi
m:Hect
icni
ght
?Di
dyouf
inal
l
ypopt
hef
uckerwho
i
spoisoni
ngouror
ganizat
ion?Wel
ldonebabybro,
t
hat
’sthesmart
estthi
ngyouhavedoneinavery
l
ongtime.
Me:
IsNot
handoher
e?
Him: Oh,wehav easi nkingshipandal lyouare
wor r
iedaboutisy ourpussy !Noniggersheisn’there,
whichi sagoodt hing.Eversincehery ourheadhas
beeni nthecloudsandy ouf uckingaround.Ican’t
cleanupaf teryouev er
yt i
me.Idon’thav eti
mef or
thatIhav ebusinesst otakecar eof.
Me:
I’
m noti
nthemoodf
ory
ourshi
tri
ghtnow.
Hi
m:Welltel
lmeKenny
,whatar
eyoui
nthemood
f
orbabyKenny?
Me:FuckofReck,
Iwantout
.Tel
lmenowhowmuch
andI’
mthroughwit
hthi
sshi
t!
Him: What ?Youthi
nky oucanbr i
ngusashi tstor
m
andt henwal kawayfrom thi
s?Kennyify oudonot
reali
zeMar quesissti
lloutthereandhewant s
revenge.Whaty outhoughty oucoul
dt akehis
businessandt ryki
l
lhim andhewi ll
justchil
l
?
Mot herfuckerwantsblood.Sosomebodyhast odie
beforeyoucanwal
kaway
,andIdon’
thav
eal
i
fet
o
spare.
Me:
Fine,
aft
erMar
quesI
’
m out
.
Him:Youwil
lbehappytoknowthatourconnecti
s
pi
ssedoff
,sowearefly
ingforCubainacoupleof
days,
sothi
sprobl
em needstogoaway,andsoon!
Me:
Howdi
dtheyf
indoutaboutMar
ques?
Him:Thatisn’
tanyofyourbusiness,Idon’
tknow
andIdon’tcar
e.Butwhenwel andi nCubawebet t
er
haveMarques’headorelsetheSer bi
ansarein,
and
youknowwecan’ tbemessingwi ththeSerbi
ans.
Ineedtoshower ,
“arewedoneher e?”Idi dn’teven
waitforananswerIj ustlefthimthere; Igrabbeda
beerandheadedupst air
s.Istoodintheshowerand
watchedther edwat ergoingdownt hedr ain.The
ski
nonmyknuckl eswasof f
,Icoul
dseet heflesh.I
wantedout ,
Ineededt otakecareofMar quesonce
andforallandIhadt obet heonetodoi t.I’
dt aken
careofthescum whohadmessedev erythingup,
andhadal it
tleinfotowor kwi t
h;Ineedt of ind
Marquesbef orewewentt oCubaorel semyhead
wouldbetheoneonaspi t.Af
termyshowerItr
ied
Thando,butasIsuspect
edshedidn’
tpickupsoI
cal
ledtheonlyper
sonwhocoul dhel
pme.
Kal
i
sa:
Hel
l
omysweetboyhow’
smommy
’sangel
?
Me:
Ineedy
ourhel
p.
Kal
isa:Any
thi
ngfory
ousweet
y.I
sitNot
hando,
what
hav
ey oudone?
Me:
Sheknows.
Her:Whatdoy
oumeanchi
l
d?(
Heraccentcameout
st
rong)
Me:Shesawmekil
l
ingTi
ny.Wel
lshedi
dn’
tseei
t,
butsheknows.
Her
:Sot
hatr
ati
sdead?Thankgod!
!
Me:
Mom,
Ineedy
our
ightnow.
Her
:Okaymybaby
,I’
l
ltal
ktoher
.
Me:
Thanksmom.
Her:YoubesttakecareofMar ques;Tar
ecktol
dme
thattheSer
biansmightgetinvolv
ed.YouknowI
don’twantt
ogeteatenbyt hosefreaks.
Me: Mom,
don’
tworr
yabouti
t.Pl
easej
ustt
alkt
oher
.
I
’l
ltal
ktoy
ousoon.

*
***
***
***
***
**Not
hando*
***
***
***
***
Isatont heshowerf l
oorst i
l
l shaking.Ihadn’ tseena
deadbody ,ever.Tomakei twor se,themanIl ov ed
hadmur deredhi m.Howdi dIf allforthismanIdon’ t
know?Dr ugs,kil
li
ng?What ,Iwasi nlov ewi t
ha
gangster?Ishoul dn’thav egoneoutt onight;thi swas
allabigmi stake.Ev ery t
hingwasal labi gmi stake; I
neededt ocutal ltieswi thKhenan.Khensani
probablyknowsandshecanhandl eit,butIcan’ t
.I
hadsomanyt hought sandquest i
onsi nmyhead,
Khensani mustobv i
ousl yknow.Thi swaspr obabl y
whyKhenancoul dn’tdi vorceher ,shewoul dexpose
him.Sot hear restatt heni ghtcl ubbackt henwasn’ t
j
ustpol i
cet ryi
ngt heirluck.Hewasgui l
tyandnowhe
hadki l
l
edaman, buthowmanydi dheki llbef ore
tonight
?Myphonewasr ingingi nmyr oom andI
assumedi twasj usthi m.Igotout ,andf ound4
missedcal lsfrom Kal isa.Ilookedatt het i
me; does
thi
swomannothav eanyconsi derationf ortime
di
ff
erence?Ical
l
edherback,
“Hi
Mah,
howar
eyou?
”
Her
:I’
m gooddear
,howar
eyou?
Me:
I’
m al
ri
ght
.Isawy
ourmi
ssedcal
l
s.Sor
rywasi
n
t
hebat
h.
Her
:Khenant
oldmeaboutt
oday
.
Me:
canwet
alkaboutt
hist
omor
row?
Her
:Not
hando,
please.
Me:Mah,
sorr
ytoberude,buti
tissol
ateandal
lI
wantt
odoissl
eep.I
’
llcal
lyoutomorr
ow.
Her
:Al
ri
ght
,goodby
enow.
Me:
Bye-
bye.

Icutt
hecall
,sowasKhenangett
inghismothert
o
dohisdi
rt
ywor k?Whatt
hefuckhadIgott
enmy sel
f
i
nto?Idi
aledSpha,“
Areyousl
eeping.
”
Hi
m:Wellt
hatiswhatpeopl
enor
mal
l
ydoatt
his
t
imeoft
henight.
Me:
I’
m sor
ry;
Ineedt
oseey
out
omor
row.CanI
comeov
er?
Hi
m:Sur
e,t
hatwi
l
lbef
ine.Seey
out
omor
row.

Hecutt hecall,If
eltbadbecausehewasal ways
ther
ef ormeandIonl ycontactedhi
m whenIwanted
somet hi
ngfrom hi m.Igoti
ntobedandt r
iedtosl
eep,
buteveryti
meIcl osedmyey es,al
lIcoul
dseewas
Khenancov eredinblood.Ionlymanagedt oget
aboutanhour ’ssleepbeforeIwaswokenupbya
call
from anumberIdi dn’
trecogni
ze.Ii
gnoredi
tbut
i
twasper sist
ent ,
“Hello.
”
Awomanspokeont heot
hersi
de,“Oh,didIwake
you?I’
l
lbeaty
ourhousei
n45mi nutes,
justaheads
up.”
Shet hencutt hecal
l;ohgoshwhatdi dIdeser
veto
getacal l
from thisdevi
l?Itri
edtogetmor esl
eep
butsleepjustwasn’tcomi ng,soIgotupand
fr
eshenedup.NowaywasIbat hi
ngforher,I
brushedmyt eethandtiedmyhairasneatasIcould
andwentt omakeaf reshpotofcoffee.Iwas
dreadingthis,andaft
ermysl eepl
essnightIwasin
theshi
ttiestofmoods.Ididn’
tknowifIhadtofeed
hersoIjustgotoutbiscui
ts.Isatandwait
edforher
arr
ival
.ShecameandIpour edhercoff
eeandwesat
atthediningroom t
able.
Me:
Wel
lwhati
sthi
sal
labout
?
Her
:Pl
easedon’
thav
eanat
ti
tude;
Ijustwantt
otal
k
t
oyou.
Me:
I’
mli
steni
ng.
Her:
Iknowwehav en’
tbeent
hebestofbuddi
esbut
nowtherear
ecer
tainthi
ngsyouneedt
oknowabout
whatisgoi
ngoni
nt hi
sfamil
y.
Me:
Oh,
soIguessKal
i
sasenty
ououtt
otal
ktome?
Her:
Itdoesn’
tmatt
erwhosentwho.Ihav
ethef
act
s
andyouneedtol
ist
enthati
swhatthi
sis.
Me:
Fine,
I’
mli
steni
ng.
Her:KhenanandIhavebeentogethervarsit
yaf t
er
hisfat
herwenttopri
sonTareckandKhenanhadt o
takecareoft
hefamily
.SoTareckgotinvol v
edwi th
somebadguy sandaf amil
yfri
endhadt opul l
him
outofthemess,inr
eturnhehadtowor kf orhim.
Workingf orhimi nvol
v edselli
ngdope.Sohewor ked
thest
r eetupt i
llKhenanwasdonewi thschool and
Khenansoonhadt of oll
owi nhisbrother
’sfootsteps.
Theybot hwor kedupt heladderandmadei ttothe
l
evelwher etheyar enow.Howdoy outhinktheycan
aff
ordal lofthesefancyt hings;thecars,houses,jets?
Iti
sall dr
ugmoney ;thebusi nessesarejustaf r
ont .
Me:Sothatiswhatyouhav
ehangi
ngov
erKhenan
t
hathecan’tleav
eyou?
Her:Ohhun,youarest
ill
ther
e?Thisisbi
ggerthan
marri
age,t
henloveandadult
ery.Babygi
rlI
’
mt alki
ng
aboutdeath,
wecouldallbedeadsoonifKhenan
doesn’
tkil
lMarquesfi
rst
.
Me:
Whoi
sMar
ques?
Her
:Mar
quesi
stheguywhohel
pedReckst
artup.
Me:
Thenwhymusthedi
e
Her:ReckandKhenanwereworkingtheirwayupthe
l
adder.AfewyearsbackMarqueswant edtoswit
ch
fr
om theCubansandgettheproductfr
om the
Serbi
ans.
Me:
Ohk.
Her
: WhentheCubansf oundouttheyor
deredf
or
Marques’death.ThatwayKhenanandTareckwoul
d
bet
het opdogs.Khenansaidhecouldhandlei
tand
hewashandl i
ngit.
Me:
Unt
il
?
Her:Unti
lyoucameal ong.Youf uckedupev erything.
Khenanmayhav ebeenoutofl ov ewi t
hmebuthe
st
illhadhisheadint hegame, whenhewasr unning
aroundlookingforyouhest artedsl acking.I
nstead
ofhim poppingMar queshegotoneofhi sworthless
workerstodot hejob.Stupi
dgr eedyboywaspai d
offbyMar questosethi mfree, andt hat’
swhy
Khenanhadt oki
llhi
ml astnight .
Me:
Sot
hat
’swhatl
astni
ghtwasal
labout
?
Her:Yeah,
Marquescamebackandthr
eatenedtoki
l
l
ever
yonehenceKhenanwenti
ntoapanicthatt
imeI
cameby .
Me:
Whyar
eyout
ell
i
ngmeal
loft
his?
Her
:Soy
oucankeepy
ourt
rapshut
,don’
ttel
lyour
soldierboy f
ri
end.Alsotomakesur eweallstayali
ve,
every bodyhastoplaytheirroletogett hehappy
ending.Khenanget stokeept hegirlhehasdr eamed
ofsi ncelordknowswhen( sherolledhereyes)
Kalisakeepst heisl
and;yougett ostaywiththeman
yousupposedl ylove.Wellthent hereisme, Ikeep
thelifestyl
e.Butmostimpor tantlyweal l
stayaliv
e.
Me:
Uhm.
Her:
Nowy ouneedt otal
ktomyhusband, y
ourli
tt
le
f
ight
ingisn’tgood.Youarehi
sdist
ract
ionandwhen
youguysarei nagoodspacethat’
sbestforal
lofus.
Me:
Soy
ouwantmet
…
Her:Don’tt
ellmeyoursobstory
.NowMar ques
mightcontactyousoon.Wedon’tknowifhehasany
knowledgeabouttherel
ati
onshi
p.Butyousti
ll
need
tobev i
gil
ant.Cal
lmeifyouneedanythi
ng.
[
11/
23,
16:
15]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode22

Iwasl
eftt
herewithanswer
sandquest
ions.Ididn’
t
knowwhattothi
nkapartf
rom t
hef
actthatIdidn’
t
wanttodie.Idi dn’tevenknowwhatthisMar ques
guylookedl i
ke, butIneededt
ostayawayf rom him.
Howdi dthatev enmakeanysense?Idi dn’thav et
he
answertot hat.Didt hi
smeanIhadt oplayhappy
couplewithKhenan?HowwasIgoi ngtobeabl et
o
dosucht hough?Ihadnoanswert othateither.My
phonerang, i
twasLer ato,
“Morni
ng,i
sev er
y t
hing
ok?”
Lerato:Morni
ngma’am,ev
ery
thi
ngisgoi
nggreat
.I
j
usthav eacli
entwhowantst
ospeaktoyou
personall
y.Hewantst
odoaweddingatthe
restaur
ant.
Me: Butwhydoeshewanttospeaktome
specif
ical
l
y?tel
lhi
m Iam notav
ail
abl
e.
Her:Wel
l,
heisper
sist
ent
.Hehasabudgetof500
000.SoIt
hinkhei
ssomebigshot
.
Me:
Ok,
for
war
dmehi
sdet
ail
sI’
l
lcal
lhi
m.

Iwentupstai
rst
oshower,
okseemslikeIhadalot
todotodayandIdi
dn’
tknowwhereIwasev engoi
ng
tost
art.WhenIcamebackdownst
air
sSphawasat
t
hegat
e,Ibuzzedhi
min.
Me:
Sincewhendoy
oubuzz?
Spha:
Lastt
imey
oual
mostbi
tmyheadof
f.
Me:
Iwasgoi
ngt
hroughsomeshi
t.
Spha:Ibr
oughtbreakfast
;I’
m goingawayforafew
weeks.Lastmi
nutet hi
ng,soIthoughtIwoul
dstop
byandwecandi scusswhaty ouwantedtotal
k
about
.
Me:
Uhm,
it’
snot
hing.Iwasal
i
ttl
ebi
tdr
unk.

Ijustl
iedtohi
mt oprot
ectKhenan.WhydidIdothat
?
Fuck,ifSphaeverf
oundouthewoul dki
llme!I
changedt het
opic,
“Sowherearetheysendi
ngyou
thisti
me? ”
Him: Gosh,don’
tgetmest
arted.OfftoMozambi
que
againandthismightt
akeawhi l
e.Theyar
esayi
ng
thi
sisthelastti
menow,butIknowi ti
sn’
t.
Me: Whataboutthepr
omoti
on?Didthatnot
guarant
eethatyouwouldbebasedhere
permanentl
y?
Him:It
houghjustt
hatt
oo,i
twasbet
weenmeand
Kyl
e.Butt
heysentmebecausehei
smarri
edand
hasafamil
y.
Me:
Real
l
y,i
sthatwhati
tisbasedon?
Hi
m:Wel
l
,ify
oumar
rymet
henIwoul
dnev
erl
eav
e!
Me:
haha,
funnymuch.
Hi
m: Butonthereal
Thando,
Iam hereshowingyouI
st
il
ll
ovey ouandyoucan’
tevengi
vemeachancet o
pr
ovethat.If
uckedupandIunder
standthat
,butlet
memakei tri
ght.
Me:
Sphapl
easedon’
tdot
his.Notnow.
Him:Whycan’
tyouforgi
vemef
orsomet
hingIdi
d
year
sago?Ihavechanged.
Me:
It’
snott
hateasy
,your
eal
l
yhur
tme.
Hi
m:HowcanIf
ixi
t?
Me:Youcan’
tfi
xit
;youfuckedshi
tupwhenl ef
tme
t
oimpregnat
eanotherwomaninaf or
eigncountr
y.
Hi
m:Thando,
Iwashur
ting.Youshutmeoutand
t
hent
heydeport
edme,Icouldn’
tst
ay.
Me:Hurti
ng?Youwer etheonehur
ti
ng?SphaIwas
t
heonewhomi scarr
iedwhi
leyouwereoutsavi
ng
t
hewor l
d.Youwer enother
ewhenIneededy outhe
most.
Hi
m:ButIcameback.
Me:Withanot
herwoman’schi
ld!
!Fuckar
eyou
hear
ingyour
sel
fri
ghtnow??!
!
Him:ThandoIneedf ory
outoforgi
veme.Ihurty
ou,
yes.ButIhavetr
iedever
ythi
ngtoshowyouthatI
wanttofixthi
s,f
ixus.

Iwasshaki
ngandmycheekswereheat
ingupandI
fel
tthel
umpinmythr
oat;
thent
hetearsstar
ted
fl
owing.
Me:SphaIdon’
twanttotal
kaboutt
hisr
ightnow.
Youcanlety
oursel
fout
.
Il
efthi
m standi
ngandwalkedupstai
rstomyroom.I
don’
tknowwhyhehadt obringthatupagai
n.Ihad
beendoingsowellwi
thhandli
ngandgetti
ngoveri
t.
Iwasmad.Icr i
edmysel
ftosleepIdon’
tknowhow
l
ongIwasasl eepf or,butIwokeupandt hesunwas
start
ingt oset .Iwashungr ybecauseIhadn’ teaten
anything.Imadesomet hingt oeatandgotwi neand
satont hef loori nt hel ounge, gotmyl aptopand
checkedmyemai ls.Themi nut eIsawanemai lfr
om
LeratoIi nstantlyr emember edt hatIhadt ocont act
theclientwhowant edhi sweddi ngatther estaurant
.
Shititwast ool atenow; Icheckedt heemai lfrom
Leratowi thall hisdet ai l
s.Iopt edinsendi nghi m an
emai lapologizingf orthel ater esponseandIl efthim
mycont actdet ails.Iwentt hroughot heremai lsand
repli
edt hoset hatneededr espondi ng.Iwat chedan
episodeoft hegoodf ight ,whi l
ehav i
ngwi ne.Thi s
wasni ce, spendi ngt i
meal one; butIstil
lhaven’ t
fi
guredouthowIwasgoi ngt ohandl et heKhenan
sit
uat i
onandmyphoner ang.WasanumberIdi dn’t
recognize, “
Not hando, hello.”
Hi
m:Mi
ssKhumal
o,howar
eyou?
Me:
I’
m goodt
hanks,
your
sel
f?
Hi
m:Good.Ij
ustr
ecei
vedy
ouremai
l
,Mr
.Powel
l
.
Me:
Ohhi
,sor
ryf
ort
hel
ater
esponseIhadapr
ett
y
busyday
.
Him:Notapr obl
em, I
’
vedonemyr esear
chonyou
andIlov
ey ourrest
aurantandIthoughti
twoul
dbe
perf
ectformysummerweddi ng.
Me:Thati
sgreat
,whatIcandoisIcansetupa
meeti
ngforyout
omeetLeratoatourDurban
r
estaur
antandgoovermenuideas.
Hi
m:Youar
en’
tbasedi
nDur
ban.
Me:Ha,unfort
unat
elynot.Butyoushoul
dn’
tworr
y
aboutany
thingsheisthebest.Youarei
ngood
hands.
Hi
m:ButIwant
edy
ouper
sonal
l
y.
Me:
Wel l
,wecanhavesky
pemeet
ings,andwhenI
’
m
i
nDurbanI’
l
lmakeitapoi
ntwemeet.
Hi
m:Ar
eyour
unni
ngev
ery
thi
ngf
rom CapeTown?
Me:
Yessi
r.
Hi
m:Wel
lyouknowwhatI
’
llcomet
oyou.
Me:Thatwon’
tbenecessar
y;Idon’
twantt
o
i
nconveni
enty
ou.
Hi
m:No,
don’
tyouwor
ryaboutat
hing.Tomor
row?
Me:
I’
ll
hav
etocheckmyschedul
e.
Hi
m:Seey
out
omor
row.

Hecutt hecall,
andsentamessagest rai
ghtaf
ter
that:Gr
eattalki
ngtoy ou,Ican’
twai
ttomeetup.I
willmakear eserv
ationatthepotl
uckclubfor
dinnert
omor row.Sleepti
ght..

Thisdidn’tsitwell
withme, Inev
eragreedt o
tomorrow.Andwhywashesoadamantt omeetme.
Whatift hi
sist hemanIam supposedt obest ayi
ng
awayfr om?Whati ft
hisi
sthemant ryi
ngt okil
l
Khenanandhi sfamily
?Idialedt
herestaurant,
“Ler
ato, whendi dMr.Powellcomeint
ot he
rest
aurant ?
”
Ler
ato:
Yest
erday
,why
?
Me:Pleasesendmethesecur
it
yfoot
ager
ightnow
ofwhenhewast her
e.
Her
:Al
ri
ghtma’
am.
Il
eftherli
kethat
,nowthatIneededSphabutI
coul
dn’tcal
lhim,notaf
terourf
ight
.SoIcal
led
Phumei nst
ead,“
Babe,Ineedyourhel
p.”
Phume:
I’
mfi
nehoney
,howar
eyou?
Me:Imi
ghtbedeadt
omor
rowi
fyoudon’
thel
pme
out
.
Phume:
Whatt
hef
uck,
youcan’
tjokel
i
ket
hat
.
Me:Iam notj
oki
ng.Yourf
ir
m hasani
nvest
igat
or
r
ight
?
Her
:Yeah,
you’
rescar
ingme.
Me:okI’
m sendi
ngyouf
ootagefr
om Dur
ban
r
est
aurantIneedaman’
sident
it
y.
Her
:Whati
sgoi
ngon?
Me:Longstor
ywewi
l
ltal
k,pl
easecany
out
ell
him
i
t’
surgent
.
Her
:Al
ri
ght
,I’
l
lgetbackt
oyouwhenIgetsomet
hing.
Me:
Thankshoney
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I
'
dstoppedposti
ngbecauseIwasn'tget
ti
ngthe
r
esponseIhopedso.ButI
'l
lcont
inuetopostwi
th
f
ait
hthatyouwil
lshar
eandl i
ke.
..
Loadsmor
etocomet
hisweekend.
HappyFr
iday
[
11/
23,
16:
17]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode23

Isatther
estar
ingatmyphonewait
ingf
ora
responseandsippi
ngonwi
ne.Iwasoutsi
dehav
ing
acigaret
tewhenmyphoner ang, buti
twasKhenan.I
didn’
tknowwhet hertopickup.Ihadn’tdecided
whatIwasgoi ngtodoaboutt hiswholesituati
on,
so
Idecidednottopickup.Ifi
nishedsmoki ngandhe
call
edagain,“
Hello.
”
Hi
m:Baby
,howar
eyou?
Me:
I’
m al
ri
ght
.
Hi
m:CanIseey
ou?
Me:
It’
slat
eKhenanandIneedt
osl
eepIhav
est
uff
t
odotomorrow.
Hi
m:Iwon’
tst
ayl
ong.
Me:
Uhm,
alr
ight
.
Hi
m:CanIbr
ingy
ouany
thi
ng?
Me:
NoI
’
m good.

Lastti
meIsawhim hewascov eredinbl
ood
standi
ngoveradeadman.Idon’tknowhowIwas
goingtof
acehim;itwasal
ltoomuchf orme.
Hegotther
eandwewentint
othel
ounge,
hesat
downandIsatatt
hef
arend.
Hi
m:Babyyoudon’
thav
etobescar
edofme,
I’
m not
amonst
er.
Me:
Ok.
Hi
m:Howar
eyou?
Me:
I’
m al
ri
ght
.
Him:I
’
m sorryaboutwhaty
ousaw,
letmeexpl
aint
o
youwhathappened.
Me:
Noneed.
Hi
m:BabyIneedy
out
ounder
standwhyIdi
dwhatI
di
d.
Me:
Ial
readyknowev
ery
thi
ng.
Hi
m:What
?
Me:
Khensani
.
Hi
m:Youspoket
oher
?When?
Me:Thatdoesn’
tmatt
erIj
ustknow.Idon’
t
under
standwhyyoukeptt
hisawayfrom me.
Him:BabyIt
houghtIwasgoingtobedonewitht
his
l
ongtimeago.ButTareckwon’
tletmego;ev
ery
ti
meIwanttoleavehealwayshasawayofkeepi
ng
me.Hewantsmeher e,thi
sist
heonlywayhecan
cont
rolme.

Myphonerangandint
err
upt
edhi
m,“
Phumepl
ease
t
ell
mey ouhavesomethi
ng?
”
Phume:
Checky
ouremai
l
s,ev
ery
thi
ngi
sther
e.
ME:
Thanksbabe.

Iopenedmylaptop,“
What’
swrong?”Khenanasked
me,buthedidn’
tneedananswer,
hewasst andi
ng
behi
ndmel ooki
ngatthescr
eenwithMarques
Powell
’smugshot,“Whydoyouhavethi
s?”
Me:Igotacal
lfr
om amanwhowantedtomeetme,
i
twassuspici
oussoIgotPhumet
olooki
ntoi
t.
Hi
m:Whendoeshewantt
omeet
?
Me:
Ist
hishi
m?
Hi
m:Whendoeshewantt
omeety
ouNot
hando?
Me:Tomor
rowfordi
nner,
Idon’
tknowthet
ime.But
hesai
dhewil
lmakereser
vat
ionsatt
hepot
lockcl
ub.
Hi
m:Wai
ther
e.

Hegotupandmadeacall,“
Gat
hert
hegang,we
haveMarques.Meetmei
n30minut
esatthebeach
house.“

Me:
Whatar
eyougoi
ngt
odo?
Hi
m:St
ayher
e;Iwi
l
lcomebackwhenI
’
m done.
Me:
I’
m comi
ngwi
th.
Him:Thandoy
ouar en’
tcomingwi
thme.Iwi
ll
come
backandwewill
discussthepl
anfory
ourmeet.
Me:
ButIf
oundhi
m.
Him:Youdon’
tknowhowdanger
oust
hismani s,I
needtocomeupwithapl
antotr
aphi
m, butensur
e
youaresaf
etoo.
Isatdownsulki
ng;
heknel
tinfrontofme.“ Thando
j
ustletmetakecar
eofyouandpr otectyou.Il
ove
youandIneedtomakesurethatMar quesdoesn’t
hurtyou.
”
Il
ookedawayandhel
eft
.

Igotsomewi neandlookedatt hismanonmy

screen,helookedsoangr y.Acoupl et at
toosonhis
neckandar ms, andpier
cingsonhi sf ace.Nodoubt
hewasat hug,butthenagainsowatt hemanIwas
i
nlov ewith.Hemaynotber unningt hest r
eet
,buthe
wasst i
l
l athug,justi
nhissuit
,sot heywer et
he
same.
Iwentont otheinter
nettosear chaboutKhenan’s
arr
est,andIf oundhislawyer,JamesSmi t
.Ir ol
l
ed
myey es,reall
yawhi t
eguy .Jameshadr epresented
Tareckwhenhewasi ntroublewit
hthelaw, andhe
al
sor epresentedanotherinfamousdrugdeal er
,
Zenon.Ihadhear dthenamebef ore;
hewasar r
ested
about8y earsagowi th21consecut i
veli
fe
sentences.Ther ewasnowayhewascomi ngout
anyti
mesoon.Jameshadl ostthecaseandappeal
i
nt heSupr emeCour t.Idon’tknowwhyal lofa
suddent hisdr ugthinggotmyat tent
ion.SoItri
ed
remember ingnamest hatKhenanmayhav ement i
on
andseei ftheywer er elatedinanydr ugcases,butI
didn’
tfindany thing.If i
nishedmywi newentupst air
s
andshower ed, buyt het i
meIwentbackdownst air
s
Khenanwaswal ki
ngi n.hewassweat i
ng,andlooked
angrylikehewasr eadyt oki l
lsomeone.Butnotme,
hejustwaspumpi ngofadr enal
ineandIdidn’tknow
whatwashappeni ng.It houghtt omy sel
f,dodrug
dealerstaket heirowndr ugs?May behewasj ust
high;hewal kedt ot heki t
chenandgotsomewat er
beforehepai danyat t
ent i
ont ome.
Him: Okbabe, Ineedy outotextMar quesandask
himt omeetat6pm not hi
nglater.Ihavemadea
reservat
ioniny ourname.Ther estaurantwil
lbe
empt y,t
hest affwi l
lbemyguy sandsowi llt
he
customer s.Youwi l
lneedtomeethi m asyouguys
planned;oncey ouhav ehi
m seatedmyguy swill
comei nandt akehim.Tar eckwilltakeyou
somewher
esaf
eandIwi
l
lmeety
ouwhenI
’
vedeal
t
wit
hhim.
Me:
Aft
erki
l
li
nghi
myoumean?
Hi
m: That
’sri
ght
;Iwi
l
lfeedhi
mtomyshar
k.Buty
ou
wi
llbeali
ve.
Me:
Youar
eaf
ucki
ngsav
age.
Hi
m: Hewoulddoworset
oy ou;
Iam notgoi
ngaf
ter
hi
sfamil
y.Soact
ual
lyIam t
hesainther
e!
Me:
Andy
our
eal
l
ybel
i
evet
hat
?
Heignor edmeandpour edhimselfawhiskeyand
satdown.Idi dn’
tknowwhattodoatt hatpointsoI
j
ustt urnedandwalkedaway.“ThandoIloveyou,
aft
ert omorrowthiswi
ll
allbebehindusandwewi l
l
befineagain.”
Idi
dn’tstop;Ij
ustwalkedtomyr oom andgotint
o
bed.Icouldn’
tsleep;
Iwast ossi
ngandt ur
ning
worri
edaboutt omorrow.

Iworeawhit
e,l
ongsl
eevedtur
tl
eneckdr
esswit
h
nudeheel
s,r
edli
psandIti
edmyhairi
nahighbun.I
hatedmyhai rreall
y;Icouldn’tmanageitandnot i
me
togot othesalonev eryweek.Igotmyl aptopand
folders,andthenheadedt othepot l
ock.Therewasa
blackSUVf ol
lowingme, Icoul dn’
tmaket hedri
ver.I
pulledupatagar agetoseewhathewoul ddoand
hepul ledupalso.Iwenti nsidetothebathroom and
dialedKhenan, “Someonei sfoll
owingme. ”
Hi
m:YeahIt
oldoneofmyguy
stot
ail
you.
Me:Wel
li
fIcanspothi
mthenobv
iousl
yMar
ques
cant
oo.
[
11/
23,
16:
17]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode24

Icutthecall
;Iboughtwat erandgum anddr oveoff.
Thecarwasnowher etobeseen.Iwassoner v
ous;I
gottotherestaurantandwast akent omyseat .
Theseguy sKhenangotwer eri
dicul
ous; youcould
tell
theyweren’twaitr
essesandwai ters.Butatleast
theguyspretendingtobecust omerswer en’tdoing
sobadly.Isatdownandaskedf ortwot equilashots
andabot t
leofr edwine.Itooktheshot satonceand
sippedonthewi nepatientl
y.Marquessentmeat ext
sayinghewasr unningl at
eandwoul donlybet here
i
n15mi ns,Irepl
iedsweetandshor tthenf orwarded
themessaget oKhenan.Whenhef inal
lyar r
ivesIgot
upt oshakehi shand, “Don’tbesill
ynow, andcome
here.”Heopenedhi sar msoutf orahug.Ther oom
tensedup, hewhi speredinmyear ,“Soy ousmar t
er
thany oulook.”IItri
edt opullawaybuthehel dme
ti
ght,“Wher eishe?Wher eisyourlov erboy ?”Iwas
fi
ndingitdiffi
culttobreath,“Idon’tknowwhaty ou’r
e
tal
kingabout .”
Withoneswif
tmovementhespunmear oundand
heldaguntomyhead,Isawt heguysal
lgetupat
onceandpull
edoutt
heirguns.Theroom when
si
lent
,“Her
eishe?Wherethef ucki
sKhenan?”
Nobodyansweredhi
m,hegotangr
y,“
Khenan,get
outher
ey ousonofabi
tch!Comesav
eyourfucki
ng
whore!
!”
Khenanwalkedoutoftheki
tchenoftherest
aur
ant
andstoodi
nf r
ontofus,‘
Marques,whatdoyouthi
nk
you’
redoi
ng?”
Mar
ques:
Iwantwhaty
oust
olef
rom me!
Me:
Andyout
hinkt
haty
ougoi
ngtogeti
toutofher
?
(
Shr
uggi
nghi
sshoul
der
spoi
nti
ngatme)
Heplacedhi
sgunont het
ableandtookof
fhi
ssui
t
j
acketandwalkedov
ertothebar.“
CanIgety
ouone
l
astdri
nk?”
Marques:
OhKhenan,
cockyasev
er.Haha,myl
ast
dr
ink?Ihavey
ouexactwher
eIwantyou.
Khenan:Doyounow?Okyoushoul
dhavenever
thr
eatenedmyfami
lyMar
questhatwasaver
ybig
mistake.
Marques:Wel
lI’
l
lki
l
lthi
sbit
chher
eandlett
he
Ser
biansdeal
witht
herestofy
ourfami
l
y.
Khenanwalkedpacedaroundt
her
oom thenfi
nal
l
y
st
opped,“
NoMar ques,Ihavey
ouexact
lywher
eI
wantyou.
”
Mar
ques:
Andwher
eist
h-
Beforehecoul
df i
nishhi
ssent
enceabulletcame
throught
hewindowandi nt
ohishead.Hisgunwent
offashefel
ltothegroundandIscr
eamed.Il ooked
downatmyf eetandupatKhenan,ther
ehewas
against andingoveradeadbodyagai n.Mydr ess
hadbl oodspl at
tersallover;Khenantookasi pofhis
drink,
“ Cleanthisupguy s.”Het ookast eptowards
meandIst eppedaway ,hel ookedli
keamonst er.He
tookanot herst
ep,“Babear ey ouok?”Ilookedathi m
blankl
yandcol l
apsedt ot heground.Iwokeupwi th
hisfaceov erme,Ididn’tknowwher eIwas, butIwas
nothome.
Hi
m:Baby
,youscar
edme.Ar
eyoual
ri
ght
?
Me:
Uhm…
Hi
m:Her
edri
nksomewater
,it
’sal
ri
ght
.I’
m goi
ngt
o
t
akey
ouhomeit
’sal
lov
ernow.
Idi
dn’tanswer,
hepi ckedmyupandputmei nt
he
carandputhisjacketoverme.“
I’
llber
ightback
baby;I
’m goi
ngtot akeyouhome.”

Hecamebackaf t
ersomet imeandwedr ov ehome
i
nsil
ence.Wegottohi shouseandhecar r
iedmeup
t
hestai
rsandplacedmeont hebedwhileheranme
abat
h.Igotupandt r
iedtogetoutofmydr ess,I
wasstr
uggli
ng.KhenanwalkedinjustasIwasabout
t
ori
pthedr
essi
ntopi
eces.
Hi
m:Sshhh,
rel
axIgoty
ou.
Heunzi ppedmeandpl acedmei nthebat h.I
scrubbedev er
yinchofmybodyt ogetthebl oodout .
HecamebackwhenIwasdoneandhandedmea
towel ,
t her oom wasnowheat edandIwasf eeli
ng
war mer .Wedi dn’ tspeakt hewhol eenti
ret i
me.He
gav emeoneofhi st opsandputmei ntobed.Then
l
ef tme, hecameback30mi nsl at
erwithachi cken
noodl esoupandsomewi ne,“thiswil
lmakey ouf eel
bet t
er.”Iwasact uallyst arved, Iatebutdi dn’ttouch
thewi neandhel ookedatmeconf used.HeknowsI
nev ertur ndownal cohol ,butt odayIjustwasn’ tin
themood, especiallyaf terwhatIhadj ustseen.I
fi
nishedmysoupandgoti ntothecov ers; hetookhi s
clothesofandgoti nnextt ome.Het ouchedmeand
Isqui r
medabi t
.Hedi dn’tletgot hough, hehel din
hisar ms.Hewhi sper edi nmyear ,“ThandoI ’
m sor r
y
youhadt oseet hat ,
it’sall overnow.Noneedt obe
afraidany more.”
[
11/
23,
16:
17]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode25
Iwokeupt henextmor ni
ngandhewasn’ tinbed,I
brushedmyt eethandwashedmyf aceandwent
downst air
s.Theywer esitt
ingar oundt hedini
ng
room table;i
twasTar eck,Khensani andhimt alki
ng
abouttheev entsofl astnight.Tar eckwasbr agging
abouthi skil
lshotfrom thebui ldingnextdoor ,and
Khensani wasj ustcheeringt hem on.Ididn’teven
saygoodmor ni
ng.Igotwat erfrom thefridgeanda
bananat henheadedbackupst ai
rs.Khenanf oll
owed
me, “
BabyIdi dn’treali
zey ouwer eup.”
Me:
IjustwokeupbutIneedt
ogetgoi
ng.Wher
eis
myl
aptop?
Hi
m:I
nthecar
.
Me:
Thanks.
Idi
dn’
tbot
herwi
thbat
hing,
Ijustchangedi
nto
j
ogger
sandatopandsaidgoodbye.
Hi
m:Thandocanwet
alkaboutt
his?
Me:
I’
mti
red,
Ihav
ewor
ktodo.
Hi
m:Ihav
etol
eav
eforCubat
oni
ght
.
Me:
Trav
elsaf
e.

Iwalkedoutofhisbedr
oom andt omycar ;
Igoti
n
anddroveoff.Khenant
riedtocallnumeroustimes
butIwasn’ti
nthemoodIspentt henextcoupl
eof
daysjusti
ndoorsbymy sel
f,Kali
sawasal soonmy
caseandIwant ednoneofthis.Thiswholefamil
y
wasjustfuckedup.
Aweekl aterKhenansentmeat extsayi
ngthathe
wouldbehomeby8pm t hatnightandwant edto
comeby .Itext
edhim backsay i
ngIwi l
lmeethim at
hi
shouse.Ineededt oseehimt oknowwhatwas
goi
ngtohappennow; Icoul
dnotbewi tha
murderi
ngman, soIneededtomakesur et
hathe
wasdonewi t
hthisshi
t.

Idrovetohishouseat8: 15.Thehousewasdar k
exceptforafewcandl esinthelounge,
Ifigur
edhe
wasinther oom soIwentupst air
s,not
hinginthe
mainbedr oom Icheckedaf ewmor ebedroomstil
lI
heardvoicesinthestudy,ther
ewasawoman’ s
voi
ceandgi ggli
ngalongwithsexsounds.Wasthis
manf ucki
ngwi t
hmer i
ghtnow??Iopenedthedoor
andKhensani peepedfrom behi
ndthecouch
showinghernakedbr east
,“Thandowhatareyou
doinghere.
”
Iturnedar oundandr andownt hest air
swi t
htearsi
n
myey es,andheadingst r
aightforthefrontdoor.
Whywoul dhenotj usttel
lmet hathewasget ti
ng
backwi thhi swif
e,Ifel
tsost upid.Iopenedthedoor
andr anout .Ibumpedi nt
oamanandst umbledto
thegr ound,“Baby,wherear eyougoi nginsucha
rush?”
Isatt
hereonthef
loorweepi
nglooki
ngupatKhenan,
“But
,you…youandKhensani
.”
Hi
m:whatar
eyouonaboutbaby
?
Heli
ft
edmeupfrom t
hegr oundandKhensani
came
t
othedoorinar
obecall
i
ngoutmyname; shefr
oze
whenshesawKhenanstandingnextt
ome.

Iwasconf
usedmyselfandwipedt
hetear
sfr
om my
facewi
thmyhands.Tareckcamet
othedooral
so
buttoni
nguphisshir
t.Khenanl
ookedli
kehewas
goingtokil
lsomeone,andhestar
tedchar
ging
towardsthem,Ir
anaf t
erhim.
Tar
eck:
Kenny
,Icanexpl
ain.
Hewasn’ tlookingforanexpl anation.Theywentinto
thehouseandIst oodatt hedoor ,heslapped
Khensani acrossthefaceandshef el
ltothef l
oor
sobbing.Hest oodi nTareck’sface.Tareckwas
prett
ybi gbutKhenant ower edov erhim wit
hhi sf
ist
s
clenched.Het hrewapunchbutst oppedani nch
awayf rom hi sbrother’
sface.
Hi
m:Thandogeti
nthecar
.
Ididn’
twai ttobetol
dtwice,Iwal
kedtowardshiscar
andsati nthepassengerseat.Hegotinnextt
ome,
l
eav i
nghi sluggagei
nthedrivewayandspedof f
.He
dial
edJamesi nthecarvi
atheBluetoothandIhear
d
everyt
hing.
Hi
m:James,Iwantyout
odr awupdi
vor
cepaper
s
f
orme.Ineedthem t
omorr
ow.
James:
BuyKay
,thecont
ract
?
Hi
m:Di
dIasky
ouaboutacont
ract
?
James:
Wecan’tsothat
,thatcont
racti
sai
rt
ightno
l
oophol
es,
Idr
ewi tupmyself.
Khenanhi thishandhardonthehoot
erf
orabout5
seconds,“James, Idon’
tcar
eaboutt
hecont
ract
.I
wantaf uckingdivorce!
”
Hecutt hecallanddr ov
etomyhouse.Wedi dn’t
speakatal l.Hewal kedtothebarandgotabot t
leof
tequilaandwhi skeyandsatont hecouch.He
openedt hebottleandt ookasi poftequilastr
aight
from thebot tl
e.Igothi m aglassandani cebucket
from thekitchenandpl aceditinfrontofhim.Itook
thet equil
aandl efthim withthewhi skey.Hedidn’t
argue…Isatont hecof f
eetableandwat chedhi m
drink.Hel i
taci garette,
andIlethim smokei nside.I
handedhi m anasht rayandhesmoked.Hef i
nally
broket hesilence,“whywer ey ourunningoutthe
housel ikethat?”
Me:Uhm,noreason.(
Idon’
tknowwhyIl
i
ed;
Iguess
If
eltbadf
orhim)
Hi
m:Thandoy
ouwer
eint
ear
sdon’
tli
etome.
Me:Iwalkedi
ntot
hest
udyandsawKhensani
naked
andI….
Hi
m:Yout
houghti
twasme?
Ididn’
tanswer
,“Baby,
youthoughtIwoul
ddot
hatt
o
you?Iwouldneverhur
tyouli
kethat.
”
Me: Iknow,i
t’sj
ustthatthi
ngshaven’
tbeenthe
greatestbet
weenus, andIthoughbecauseshe
understoodthedrugsmor ethanme….
Hi
m: Ihaven’
ttouchedheri
nover5year
s,Idon’
t
wanther,
andIdon’ twantt
hedr
ugs.
Me:
I’
m sor
rybaby
.
Hi
m:Comeher
e.
Isatonhi
slapandheki
ssedme.
Him:Il
oveyouandonl
yyou,
Iwoul
dnev
erhur
tyou
l
iket
hatever
!!
Me:
Iknow.
Hi
m:Mar
ryme.
Me:Comeon,
youar
ejustsay
ingt
hatbecausey
ou
ar
eangry
.
Hi
m:Iwanty
out obemywif
eandspendt
her
estof
myli
fewi
thyou,
sayyes.
Igotupfrom hi
mlapandstoodoverhi
m.Hetooka
sipofhi
sdrinkandknel
tinf
rontofme,“
babyIl
ove
you,pl
easebemywi fe.
”
Me:
Khenanwewi
l
ltal
kaboutt
hist
omor
row.
Iwentout
sideandli
tt hef
ir
e;Igotabottl
eof
champagneandagl assandstoodinthedoorway,
“Youar
egoingtoleavemyhousest i
nking,come
smokeoutside.
”
Hegotthebot
tl
eandcameoutsi
de.Wesatfora
whi
le,
mostlyi
nsil
ence,
“di
dyoususpectany
thi
ng?
”
Hi
m:About
?
Me:
Khensani
andTar
eck?
Him:No,
may
beIdi
dn’
tcar
eenoughat
tent
iont
o
care.
Me:
Thenwhydi
dyougetsoangr
y?
Him:Baby,i
nmyhouse.Theywer efuckingi
nmy
study
?Idon’tcarewhattheyar
edoi ng,butt
hey
needtorespectourhousehoney.Sheismywi f
eand
heismybr
other
,theyhav
enor
espectf
ormeand
you.
Me:
hm.
Him:WorstofallIam st
uckinthi
smar r
iage
becauseTar
eckconv i
ncedmet ostaywithher
becausei
twouldsav ebothofus.Idon’
tcare
anymorebaby,Iwantoutnow!
Me:
Butwhati
fshet
est
if
iesagai
nsty
ou?
Hi
m:Oh,
noshewon’
tIhav
esomet
hingonhernow.

Wet al
kedabi tmoreabouthi str
ip,unt
ilitwaslat
e
andwewentt obed.Icouldn’
tsleepmuchbecause
hewashur ti
ngandt her
ewasnot hi
ngIcoul ddoto
fi
xit.Marryi
nghim wasnott heoption;Ilovedhi
m
withall
myhear t,
butnowwasnott herightti
me.If
hehadn’tfoundhisbrotherbanginghiswi f
ewashe
evergoingtoaskme?Idi dn’tthi
nkso.
[
11/
23,
16:
18]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode26

Khensani
wasf
ight
ingt
hedi
vor
ceandev
engot
Kali
sat ocomedownandf i
ghtf orher.Kal
isasaidit
wasf orthechil
dren.KhenanandTar eckhadn’t
spokeni nweeksandIwasseei ngthiswaswei ghi
ng
downonhi m.ButIknewbr ingingitupwoul djust
star
tupaf ight
.Sot ocheerhi m upImov edupi nto
thehouseheboughtmef ormybi r
thday,i
ttookmea
montht ogetthebasicfurnitur
ei n.
Hi
m:Babyi
tisgor
geous.Youar
edoi
ngagr
eatj
ob.
Me:
Noy
ourpocket
sar
edoi
nggr
eat
.
Him:Yout
hinkweshoul
dhav
eahousewar
ming
part
y?
Me:Khenanyouhat
epar
ti
es,
whi
chi
swei
rdf
ora
cl
ubowner.
Him:Ionl
yaskedbecauseyouli
ket hem,anyIcan
showoffthebr
aaiar
ea.Ithi
nkitcouldbefunthough.
Wecanmakei tsomethi
ngcasual,andonlyafew
peopl
e.
Me:OkI’
llt
hinkabouti
t,butonl
yonceev er
ythi
ngis
i
nit
splace.Idon’
tknowabouty oubutther
earea
f
ewthingsIwanttomov eherefrom myoldhouse.
Him: not
hingmuchbaby ,
Ijusthaveafewpaint
ings
thatI’
veneverhungupsomay beyoucantakealook
atthem andpicktheonesthatwil
lgowithyoudécor.
Me:
Alr
ightcool
I’
ll
dot
hat
,andt
henonel
astt
hing.
Hi
m:Sexi
nev
eryr
oom bef
oresomeonebeat
sust
o
i
t.
Me:
notexact
ly,
thechi
l
dren’
srooms.
Hi
m:Whataboutt
hem?
Me: Well
babyIdon’
tknowwheretost
art
.Ihaven’
t
spentmuchtimewit
hthem andIf
eelt
heyhateme
fort
akingyouawayfr
om them.
Him:Babytheyjusthaven’
tgot
tenachancet
oknow
you,
theydon’thateyou.
Me: Thatismypoi ntexactl
y,wheneveryouneedto
seethem y ouhav etofl
yacrosstheeart
ht osee
them,butInev ergettocomewi th,andtheynever
gettocomeher e.I’
m act
uall
yconfusedifImust
furni
shtheirroomsornot ,becauseIdon’tknowif
theywill
ev erspendtimehere.
Hi
m:Al
ri
ghtbabe,
thechi
l
drenar
eonhol
i
dayf
or
aboutamont
hin5monthst
ime.Howaboutt
hey
spendti
meherewi
thusi
nst
eadofJamai
ca?
Me:
Youwoul
ddot
hat
?
Him:Yes,
theyneedt
ogett
oknowt
hei
rmommy
bett
er.
Me:
Thanksbabe.

Itwast i
met omov esomeofmyt hingsf r
om my
house; Iwasi nthel oungepacki ngaf ewt hings
whenIf oundanA4env elopeononeoft hesmal l
tables.Ididnotr ecognizeit,andt henIremember ed
thet i
meSphawal kedi nonmeandKhenan.Ohshi t,
howcoul dIhavef orgot t
en?Iopenedt heenv elope
andf oundpi ct
ur esofaman, hel ookedf ami l
iar.The
envelopecont ainedcopi esofhi sIDdocument ,
ZenonLopez.Ir emember edGoogl i
nghim dur i
ngt he
Mar quesor deal.Whywast hi
satmyhouset hough?
HadSphaboughti tf orKhenan?Thatcoul dn’tbet he
reasonbecauseSphahasnoi deaofKhenan’ sdr ug
dealings.Ilookedt hrought her estoft hedocument s
i
nt heenv elope.Ifoundanor iginal bir
thcertifi
cate,
mycer t
if
icat
e.Idi
dn’tunderstand,
itst
atedIwas
borninMexico.I
thadmypar entsnameprint
edoni
t,
butthenamepr i
ntedwasn’tMbongeni Khumalo
i
nsteaditwasZenonLopez.

Whyhadn’ tSphament ionedt

histomebefore,he
j
ustleftthedocument shereandwalkedout
.Ididn’
t
understandthat.Ipi
ckedupthephoneanddi al
ed
Khenan, “
baby,Ineedasmal lf
avor.
”
Hi
m:Any
thi
nghoney
?
Me:
CanIgetJames’
numberpl
ease?
Hi
m:James?
Me:
Yeahy
ourat
tor
ney
.
Hi
m:Why
?
Me:
I’
ll
expl
ainev
ery
thi
ngwhenIseey
ou;
Ijustneed
t
ohaveaqui
ckwordwit
hhi
m.
Hi
m:Uhm,
isev
ery
thi
ngok?
Me:
Pleasejustsendmethedetai
ls,
I’
ll
seeyoul
ater
.
Wehavetheoperaandsupperwit
hMbal i
andMdu
don’
tfor
get
.

Ihungupandcall
edJames,
hewasathi
sof
fi
ceand
Iwenttoseehi
m.
Me:Thanky
ouf
orseei
ngme,
I’
m sur
eyoumustbe
busy
.
James:
Any
thi
ngf
orMr
sDeCost
atobe.
Iignor
edthatst
atementandgotri
ghtt
othepoi
nt,
“Yourepr
esentaZenon,drugl
ordri
ght
?”
James:I
’
m sor
ryNot
handoIcannotdi
scussmy
cl
ient
swit
hyou.
Me:I’
l
ltaket
hatasay
es.Doeshehav
eanyknown
chi
l
dren?
James:
Cli
entdet
ail
s,Ican’
tsay
.
Ihandedhimtheenv
elope,
“Ineedawor
dwi
thhi
m.
Pleaseseti
tup.
”
James:
He’
sinMexi
co.
Me:
Tel
lmewhenwel
eav
eandI
’
llbookt
het
icket
s.
James:
Not
handodoesKayknowaboutt
his?
Me:That
’smeand‘
myhusbandt
obe’ t
odi
scuss.
Youcansendt
hebi
ll
fory
ourser
vicest
omyhouse.
James:
Youar
en’
tmycl
i
ent
.
Me:
Wel
lthen,
thanky
ouf
ort
hef
reeconsul
tat
ion.
James:
Not
hando,
Icannotr
epr
esenty
ou.Conf
li
cto-
Me:
Ididn’
taskf
oralawy
er,Ij
ustneedmyf
ather
’s
l
awyert
ohelpmespeaktohim.
James:
You’
repl
ayi
ngwi
thf
ir
eli
tt
legi
rl
.
Me:
I’
ll
bewai
ti
ngf
ory
ourcal
l
.

Iwalkedoutofhi soffi
ceandheadedt othehouse.I
satdownandt ookadeepbr eath.Okwhatwas
goingon, whywasImadet obelievethatMbongeni
wasmyf atherwhenhewasn’ t.Every
thingwas
fuckedupandi tseemedtobeget ti
ngmor eand
mor econfusing.JustasIwasi nthemi ddl
eofmy
thoughtsKhenanbar gedin,
“Thandowhatar eyou
playi
ngat ?’
Iwasst
art
ledandj
umpedoutofmyseat
.
Me:
Khenan,
youscar
edme.
Him:Becauseyouexper
ienceacoupl
eofshoot
ings
nowyouf eel
youcanrunaroundwit
hthebi
ggest
drugl
ordsintheworl
d?
Me:
Whatar
eyouonabout
?
Hi
m:Don’
tpl
aydumbwi
thme,
Zenon.
Me:
Hemi
ghtbemyf
ather
.Iwantt
oknow.
Hi
m:What
?
Me:SoIguessJamesdidn’tt
ell
youever
ythi
ng,
oras
perusualy
oujustj
umpt oconcl
usi
onsbefor
e
heari
ngthewholest
ory
?
Hi
m:hedi
dn’
tsay
.
Me: Didhenotsayordidy ounotwaitt
ohear?Ther
e
i
sadi f
ferenceKhenan,
thenyouwanttocome
bargingintomyhouset hr
owingafucki
ngfi
t?DidI
notsaywewi ll
tal
kaboutthi
swhenIseeyou?
Hi
m:Youdi
dbut
…
Me:
ButwhatKhenan?What
?
Hi
m:Jamest
oldmebef
oreIspoket
oyou.
Me:
Soy oudeci
detoli
stent
ohi
m wi
thoutt
alki
ngt
o
meli
keIhadasked?
Hi
m:Sor
ry,
canwet
alknow?
Me: Gotal
ktoJames,
whileyouati
taskhimt obe
‘
yourfut
ureMrsDeCosta’
(Isai
dsosarcast
ical
lyand
walkedaway)
Hi
m:ThandoI
’
m sor
ry.

Iwentupst ai
rstogetr eadyfortheev eningwith
Mbal i andMduIdon’ tknowi fKhenanwasgoi ngto
comeornot ,
andfrankl yIdi
dn’tcare.Ihatedt hese
thi
ngs, butbecauseMbal ili
keditIhadt ogoal ong
withi t.Ithoughtonceshegotamanshewoul dstop
takingme, butobv i
ousl yIwaswr ong.Iwor eabl ack
straplessmer maidgownwi thasweet heartneckli
ne,
mycl eavagewasl ooki nggorgeous.Imadeal oose
updoandmi nimalmakeup, andputondi amond
earringst hatalmostt ouchedmyshoul der.Icarri
ed
abl ackcl utchbagandwentdownst ai
rs.Mbal iand
Mduwer egoi ngtobeher eanymi nute,butthere
wasnosi gnofKhenan.Ipour edagl assof
champagneandwentout si
det osmoke; Icould
smel l
hi scologneov ermyci garett
e.Goshhesmel t
sodamnsexy ,butIdidn’tturnar ound;Ipretended
nottof eelhispresence.If elthishandonmywai st
andhewhi speredinmyear ,“Youlookbeaut iful.
”I
putoutmyci garett
eandt urnedar oundt ofacehi m,
damnt hismanwasf ine.Itookasi pofmy
champagneandwal kedpasshi m withoutsay ing
anything.Hechuckl edtohi msel f,heclosedt he
glassdoor ,“Thecariswai t
ingf orusout si
de, and
we’remeet ingev er
yoneatt hev enue.”
Iputmygl assint
hesinkandcheckedmy selfi
nmy
mirrorfridgeandwalkedtothedoor.Hewal ked
swiftl
yandcaughtupt ome,heopenedt hedoorand
stoodi nf r
ontofmeblocki
ngmyway ,“
ThandoI ’
m
sorry,andcanweenj oythi
snightandtalkabout
everythingtomorrow.Youlooktoogorgeoust obe
mad. ”
Il
ookedupathim andsmil
ed,
hesteppedoutofthe
waytoletmethr
ough,Iwal
kedshaki
ngmyass
i
ntent
ional
l
ybecauseIknewhewaslooking.Char
li
e
st
oodbyt
hecarwi
tht
hedooropen,
“Lov
elyas
al
waysma’
am.”
Me:
OhChar
li
est
op,
you’
remaki
ngmebl
ush.
[
11/
23,
16:
19]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode27

Whenwegott othevenuet herewasar edcarpet

andsomepapar azzi,Idon’tknowhowmany
picturesofuswer etakent hatday , butKhenandi dn’
t
seem t omi ndhehel dmecl oser .WemetMbal iand
Mdui nsi dehav ingwel comedr i
nks; wehuggedand
compl ement edeachot herat housandt imestil
lthe
boy sint er v
ened.Wewenti nsideandsatdown.
Theset hi ngsar esobor i
ng;itwasl ikesomeki ndof
char it
ybal l
.Khenankeptki ssingmyshoul derand
whi sper i
ngnaught ythi ngsinmyear .Mbal
ilookedat
usannoy edwi t
hherf ingeronherl ips.Webehav ed
throughoutt herestoft hefor mal i
ties,supperwas
serv edandi twasdivine.Af terthatwewer eal l
usher edi ntothetheat er,“
Mbal i
, Ijustneedt ogot o
thel adies.I ’mrightbehi ndy ou.
”
Mbal
i
:Al
ri
ghthoney
,don’
ttaket
ool
ongi
twi
l
lst
art
soon.

IgrabbedKhenan’shandandwal
kedintheopposi
te
dir
ecti
ontoeveryoneelse,
awayf
rom t
hetheatr
e.
Me:
Hav
eyoubeent
otheoper
abef
ore?
Hi
m:NobutKal
i
sal
ovesi
t.
Me:Wel
lyoushoul
dbesol
ucky
,it
’sshi
tt
y.Don’
tbe
t
ri
ckedi
ntooneever
!

Wewentt othebarandgotabot tl
eofchampagne
andf oundabenchout sideandsatdown.Hepopped
i
topenandwedr ankstrai
ghtf rom thebottl
ed.We
goofedaround, hepushedmeont heswingandt hen
hespot t
edaf ountai
n.Hepi ckedmeupandr an
acrossthelawn.Heputmedown, “Okbaby,uhm.
Here”.HehandedmeaR2coi n,hehada50ci nhis
hand.Ilookedathim confused, “
youneedt omakea
wishwhi l
ethrowingthecoini nside.I’
ll
gofirst.
”He
closedhiseyesandt ossedt hecoi ninthefountai
n,
“nowy ourturn.
”JustasIcl osedmyey estomakea
wi
shweheardamancal
l
ingatus,
“hey
,youar
en’
t
al
l
owedonthel
awn.
”
Hi
m:Babyhur
ry.
Iclosedmyey esandtossedt hecoi
nintothe
fountain;bytheti
meIwasdonewi t
hmywi shitwas
toolate.Thesecurit
yof f
icer
shadal r
eadygott
ento
us,“sir
, ma’am,unf
ortunatel
yy ouwil
lneedtoexi
t
thepremi ses.”
Khenan:
Wej
ustwant
edt
omakeawi
shcomeon.
Rightthenandt herether ai
nstartedpour ingheav i
ly.
Theyjustletusbeandr anforshelter,Khenant ook
myhandandswi rl
edmear oundt henpul l
edme
closeintoaki ss.West oodinther ainkissinguntil
it
start
edt hunder i
ng.Wer antothecarandChar l
ie
droveushome.Wewer esoakingwet ,ri
ghtdownt o
ourunder wear .Wej umpedi ntotheshower ,
puton
ourmat chingpj amasandheadeddownst air
s.
Khenanst artedt hefir
ewhi leIwenti ntotheki t
chen
tomakesomeI ri
shcof fee,
“babe, pickani cemov i
e,”
Ishoutedf rom theki t
chen.
Heknewmet
oowel
l
,hehadpi
tchper
fectoneand
twocuedwhenIgotthere.Thi
swasperfect.Ilov
ed
i
twhenwegotal ong,t
hequarrel
i
ngandfightingwas
j
ustabore.Wewer ewarm andwefel
lasleepont he
couchwhil
stwatchi
ngthefir
stmovi
e.Iwaswoken
upbyKhenan,“
Thando? ”
Me:
Yeahbabe.
Hi
m: I
’
m notfeel
i
ngtoogood,
mychesti
sti
ghtand
i
t’
stoohoti
nhere.
Me:That
’swhaty
ougetf
orpl
ayi
ngouti
ntheCape
Townrai
n.
Hi
m:Nobaby
,it
sbad(
hesoundedl
i
kehewasabout
t
ocry
.)
Iturnedar oundandfelthi
stemper ature.Andhewas
heatingup, soweneededt obreakt hisfever
.Igotup
andt urnedtheairconontoheaterandwenti ntothe
kit
chen, Iboil
edaket t
leofwaterandmadeahot
waterbot tl
eandhandedi ttohim andgav ehimt wo
extrablankets,“
babyy ouneedtosweatt obreakthe
fever.”
Idi
dn’
tkeepanymedi
cati
onint
hehousebecauseI
don’
tgetsi
ck,
evenwhenIdogetsi
ck,
home
remedi
eswor kbest.Igavehi m pl
entyoflemont ea,
hewassweat i
ngsobadl y,andbecausehewoul dn’t
l
etmeoutoft heblanketsItoowassweat i
ngso
much.Hekeptfalli
ngasleepandwaki ngup, andI
hadtoconstant
lychangehi swat erbott
le.Ataround
6am heroll
edov ermeandr antot heki
tchenand
thr
ewupint hesink.Hecleanedupr i
nsedhismout h
andgotbacktobed.
Me:Babyhowareyoufeel
ing?(Hi
stemper
atur
ehad
dr
oppedthr
oughoutt
henight)
Hi
m:aaaahh.
Me:
Weneedt
ogety
out
oadoct
orasap.
Hi
m:no(
hemumbl
edhal
fasl
eep)
30mi nuteslaterhewasupagai nbutt hi
st i
medidn’
t
makei ttothesink.Hekneltonthef l
oorjust
bri
ngingupandt hist
imeitwasn’tstopping.Ihel
ped
hi
m upandt ookhimt ooneofthebat hrooms
downst ai
rs.Ilef
thimtherewhil
eIcl eanedupt he
ki
tchen.Mbal iwalkedin,
“Thandoy oulit
tlebit
ch,
whydi dyoul eavemelastnight
?”
Shef
oundmeont
hef
loorcl
eani
ngupt
hev
omi
t
Khenanhadl
eft
,“Yohwhathappenedher
e?’
Me: I
t’
sKhenan;
Idon’
tknowwhati
swrong.Pl
ease
checkinmyphonebookanddi
alDrDube.
Shedi djustthatandhewasont heway ,thehouse
hadasmel ltoit,Ihadtoopent heglassdoor stolet
somef reshai r
.Mbal ihadtogettowor k, andIwent
tocheckuponKhenan.If oundhi mi nt
hebat htub
j
ustsitti
ngt hereinlukewarm wat er.If
or cedhi
mt o
bath,andsethi m upi nthespareroom downst air
s.I
wasn’tgoingt obeabl etocarryhim upt hestai
rs.
Thedoct orcamet houghandgav ehi m some
medication,Ifedhi m somethi
ngl i
ghtandhesl ept.I
clear
edoutt heloungewher ewehadsl eptand
start
edonl unch.Whi leeveryt
hingwasi nt heovenI
didthelaundr y.
Icheckeduponhi m andhewasf astasleep, Iwent
togetsomewor kdoneandIr eceivedanemai l.Now
thatwasst r
ange, itwasfrom Khensani andt here
wasanat tachment .Iopenedi t
; t
herewasanews
paperarti
cleaboutKhenanandmef r
om l astnight.
Therewerepi cturesofusent eringtheev ent,ont he
swing,bythef ountainandkissingi ntherain.I
quickl
yreadt
hroughthearticl
eskippi
ngwhat
seemedunimportant,
theyknewmyname.They
accusedmeofbr eaki
ngaf amilyandhereiswhat
caughtmyattent
ion‘asourceclosetoMiss
Khumalosaysthecoupleisexpectingt
heirfi
rst
chi
ld’

Whatbullshitwasthi
sIwaspi ssed,
butIcouldn’
t
showitinfrontofKhenanbecausehewassi ck,I
remember edIhadmyl unchintheovenandgotit
outbef
orei tburnt
.ThenIheardKhenancall
ingmy
name,“Comi ngbaby.”
Iwal
kedtot
heroom andhewaslyi
ngdown,
“baby
,
pl
easecomesl
eepwithme.Ineedyou.
”
Igoti
nbednextt
ohi m andwebothdri
ft
edoffto
sl
eep.Iwasi
nthemi ddl
eofadream whenKhenan
wokemeup,“Nothando,someonei
sbuzzing.
”
Igotupandchecked,
anditwasJames.Ibuzzed
himinandItol
dKhenantogetupandIwarmedup
thel
unch.Jamescameinandgreet
ed,“
hi,wherei
s
Khenan?”
Me:He’l
lbeouti
nasecond;hei
sn’
tfeel
i
ngv
erywel
l
soIhopeyouhavegoodnews.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Don'
tfor
gett
oli
keandshar
e!!
!
[
11/
23,
16:
19]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode28
Khenancameouti nhi spajamasandmypur pl
er obe.
Idon’tknowwhyhedi dt hatbecauseIhadbought
hisdown.Idi shedupandweat ewhil
eJames
explainedtoKhenanwhyhet hedivor
cecouldn’tbe
fi
nalized.Thecontractwasai rt
ight
;nei
therofthe
parti
escoul dexiti
tunlessitwasamut ual
agreement .Khenanjustlookeddefeated.

Jamest henturnedtome,“wel
lIhavegoodnewsfor
youThando, andtheyhav
eacceptedyourvi
si
tat
ion
requestbutonlyintwoweeksti
me.”
Me:
What
?Twowhol
eweeks?Why
?
James:WellsweetyweareinSout
hAf r
icaandt
hat
i
sMexico.Your‘fat
her
’isi
nforser
iouscri
mes.(
He
rol
l
edhiseyes.)
Me:Fi
ne,I
’l
lwai
t.Socanwegetapat
erni
tyt
estdone
att
hepri
son?
Khenan:
That
’si
t.
Me:
Babywhat
?
Khenan:
Getapat
erni
tyt
estdoneonmychi
l
dren
James.I
fthesetwohavebeenf
ucki
ngwi
thmet
hen
someoneisgoingt
odie.
Me:Baby,y
oucan’tpossi
blythi
nkthatt
heyhav
e
beensl
eepingt
ogetheral
ltheseyear
s?
Him:Whowouldknow?Woul
dthatbeenought
o
voi
dthecont
ract
?
James:Well
,Uhm wecouldfi
ghti
t.Wewill
tryget
thepat
erni
tytest
swhenyouarefeel
ingbet
terand
whenthechil
drenar
earound.
Khenan:
Alr
ightt
hatsoundsl
i
keapl
an.
James:Andy
ou‘Mrs.DeCost
atobe’
Iam assumi
ng
youhav
eapasspor
t?
Me:
(rol
l
ingmyey
es)Ido.
James:
Weneedt
ogety
ouav
isaf
ory
ourv
isi
t.
Me:Ihav
eaB1/B2USv i
sa,accor
dingt
omy
knowl
edget
hatshoul
dall
owmei ntoMexi
co.
James:Thati
scorr
ect.I
’
llbookt
het
icket
sandwe
l
eaveintwoweeksti
me.Khenanwil
lyoubecomi
ng
wit
h?
Me:Whyar
ey ouaskinghim?I
tismyjourney
.We
wi
ll
tal
kaboutthatandI’
ll
getbackt
oy ou.

Iclearedoutthedishesandwentt ogetKhenan’
s
medi cat
ion.Iwentbacki nt
otheroom andtheywere
allhushhush,andst oppedtal
kingwhenIcamei n.
het ookhismedicati
onandJamesl ef
t.Wesaton
thecouchwat chingamov i
e,“
Baby.”
Hi
m:Yesl
ove.
Me:Doyoureal
lythi
nkthatt
herei
sapossibi
li
tyt
hat
Tar
eckmightbethefat
herofyourchi
l
dren?
Him:Idon’
tknow,anyt
hingi
spossi
ble.Theycoul
d
havebeenrunni
ngaroundbehi
ndmybackf oryear
s.
Me: It
hinkyouaregraspingatst
raws.Youand
Khensanilovedeachotherwheny ourchi
l
drenwer
e
born.
Hi
m:Butbaby
,youwi
l
lnev
erknow.
Me:Andwhenyouf
indoutthechi
l
drenaren'
tyour
s
whatt
hen?Howwil
lthatmakeKhensani
feel
?
Hi
m:Howdoy
out
hinkIf
eel
?
Me:Idon’
tknow,
youdon’
ttel
lme?Whyi
sthi
s
si
tuat
ionget
ti
ngtoy
ousomuch?
Hi
m:Shei
smywi
fe!
Me:
Whom y
ouar
enol
ongeri
nlov
ewi
th.
Hi
m: Nothandomay beyoudonotunderstandwhatI
am sayi
ng;sheismywi f
e,shei
ssleepi
ngwi thmy
br
otherandtomakei tal
lworsetheyar
edoi ngiti
n
myhouse.Soi fyouaret
ryi
ngtoinsi
nuatethatIam
st
il
linl
ovewi t
hmywi fe,t
henno!BabyIloveyou.
Me:
Okbabe.

Wesati nawkwar dsilenceandhi sphoner ang,he

i
gnor edit.Itkeptringingtil
lheswi tchedhisphone
off.Thenmyphonest art
edr i
nging, i
twasKhensani.
Ireachedt oansweri tandKhenangav emet hatl
ook,
Isatstil
l andcont i
nuedwat chi
ngt hemov i
e.The
medsmusthav ebeenki cki
ngi nbecauseKhenan
wasdr ift
ingof ftosleep.Myphoner ang;Igotupand
answer ed,“Wher ethef uckishe? ”
Me:
Khensani
whatdoy
ouwant
?
Her
:Khenan!
Me:
He’
ssl
eepi
ngI
’
llgethi
mtocal
lyouback.
Her
:Noy
ouar
egoi
ngt
owakehi
m up.
Me:
Hei
sn’
tfeel
i
ngwel
l
.
Her
:Yes,
heissickinthefuckenheadthat
’swhat
,a
f
ucki
ngpater
nit
ytest?Ishefuckenki
ddingme?
Me:
I’
ll
gethi
mtodi
scusst
hiswi
thy
oul
aterwhenhe
i
sawakeok?
Her :Not hisi sy ourfaultact uall
yal lofi t.Youcome
andr uinmymar riageandt urnmyhusbandagai nst
me, youf allpregnantwi thhi schi l
dandt hent ryto
makehi m bel i
evehi skidsar en’this.Whatki ndofa
womanar ey ou,yourwi tchcr af
ti snotgoi ngtowork
her esi si.Tr ysomewher eel se; youdi sgustme
trappi ngamanwi thmut hi!TellKhenant hatwhen
thet estr esul tscomebackandshowt hatt heseare
hischi l
dr enIam headi ngst r
aightt othepol ice.He
wi l
lber ot t
ingi npr i
sonwhi ley our aisingababyby
your sel f
, Ihopey ousuf ferwor set hant hisy ouevi
l
bitch.
Icutthecall,Icouldn’tt
akei tanymor e.Iwentt othe
bathroom withtear sstr
eami ngdownmyey es.How
couldsheev ent hinkthatofme?Idi dn’ thave
anythingtodowi t
ht hi
s.Asamat teroff actIwas
tr
yingt oconvinceKhenannott ogot hroughwi t
hthi
s.
Icannotbeapar tofthis,Iwil
lnotstandbei ng
swor natandhav i
ngmyf aceplasteredon
magazi nesandf alserumor sspreadaboutme.I
washedmyf aceandl eft.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Comment
,li
keandshar
e!!
!
[
11/
23,
16:
19]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode29

Khenanwasf eeli
ngbet terthenextcoupl eofday s;
hewasabl et ogobackt owor k.Hehaddeci dednot
togoaheadwi ththepat ernitytest s,andKhensani
wasext remel ychuffedabouti t.Shemadei tapoi nt
toletmeknow.Ii gnoredhert extsandemai l
sIwas
nothav i
ngi t.Themedi awasst i
llalloverour
rel
ationship,soKhenanandIst oppedseei ngeach
otherinpubl ic.I
twasv erydifficult,wehadt oignore
call
sf r
om t hepaper saski ngusquest i
onsaboutus,
butsomeonewassi ngingl i
keacanar y.Ididn’
tknow
whocoul ddosuchat hing,itwasnotanyofmy
fri
endsnoneoft hem woul ddosuchat hing.Ijust
suspectedKhensani ,butshewoul dnotconf ess
obviously.Iwasl eavingf orMexi cosoon; atleastI
wouldbeawayf rom al lofthisdr ama.

*
***
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
Thiswasdi ff
icult
; ThandoandIwer esneaking
aroundl i
keteenager s.Howdi ditgettothi
s?Iwasn’t
tal
kingt omybr otherbecausehewasf uckingmy
wife,Ihaddoubt sinmyheadi fmychi l
drenwer e
reall
ymi neandt ot opt hingsoffmywi fewas
threateni
ngtoputmebehi ndbars.Ineededt osort
thi
soutbutIdi dn’tknowhow.Isati nmyof fice
try
ingt othi
nkthist hr oughwhent herewasaknock
atthedoor ,
“Comei n.”
Her:Sor
rytodi
stur
byouMr.DeCost
abutMi
ss
Longori
aisher
etoseeyou.
Me:
Bri
ngheri
n,t
hanky
ou.

MissLongor
iawalkedinshewaswear i
ngawhi t
e
ti
ghtdr
esswithathinblackbeltandyel
lowpointy
heel
s.Shewastan,andhadl egsfordays;t
his
womanwasbeaut if
ul.Herhairwasshoulderl
ength
andworeredli
pst
ick,“MissLongori
a,ni
cet ofi
nal
ly
meetyou.CanIgetyouany t
hingtodri
nk?”
Her
:Khenan,
nicet
omeety
ou.I
’
llhav
ewat
erpl
ease.
Me:
Pleasesi
t.
Igotherwaterandwesatdown, “
It
’snicetof
inal
l
y
meetyou,eventhoughi
tisundersuch
ci
rcumstances.Howisyourf
atherdoing?”
Her:I
t’
snotlooki
nggood;thedoct
orssayther
eisn’
t
anyt
hingt
heycandof orhi
m now.Theyhavetaken
hi
m outofthehospi
talandsenthi
m backhome.
Me:I’
m sor
rytohearthat,
wedidsomegood
busi
nesswit
hhim overtheyear
sandmadealotof
money…haha
Her
:Wel
lIhopewecanpi
ckupwher
ehel
eftof
f.
Me:I
’dl
ovet
hat
,soI
’
mint
erest
edast
owhyy
ou
want
edtomeet
.
Her:Well
,ther
eisapi
eceofpr
opert
ythatIhavejust
acquir
edinBrookl
ynt
hatwearet
ransf
erri
nginto
rent
alspaces.
Me:
Uhm,
notmyli
neofwor
k.Cl
ubsandhot
elsi
s
mor
emythi
ng.
Her:HoldyourhorsesKay
.Sot
hebot
tom andt
op
f
loorarevacant.
Me:
Okay
…
Her:Sohereist hethi
ng,weneedinvest
ors.Youcan
havethetopfloorandt her
ooft
op,andy ourgi
rl
fri
end
canhavear estaurantdownst
air
s.Every
onewi ns.
Me:
Mygi
rl
fr
iend?
Her:
Don’
tplaydumbwi
thme,
wer
eadt
henewsand
Idi
dmyresearch.
Me:Well
,Ineedtoseetheproper
ty.Iwi
ll
speakt
o
MissKhumaloandseewhatshesay sandwewil
l
t
alksomemor e.How’
st hat
?
Her
:Per
fect
,IguessI
’
llwai
tforacal
lfr
om y
out
hen.
Shegotupandext endedherar
m outtoshakemy
hand,“
pleasesendmyr egar
dstoyourfat
her.I
’
llcal
l
you.
”
Iwalkedhertothedoorandwatchedherwal kaway ;
Ionlyreal
i
zeditnowthatIhadaboner .Whatt hehel l
,
Iwentt omybarandpouredadr i
nk.Butt hatdidn’t
help,whywasthiswomanmaki ngmef eelli
ket his.I
tr
iedtogetheroutofmymi ndbutIjustcoul dn’t.
TherewasaknockatmydoorandThandopeeped
herheadi
n…shi
t.
Her
:Heybaby
,whaty
oooooudoi
ng?
Me:
Not
hing,
Ijustf
ini
shedameet
ing,
wantadr
ink.
Her
:no,
Ineedt
obeatt
her
est
aur
anti
naf
ew.
Shewalkedupt omeandputherarmsaroundmy
neckandkissedmeonthelips,
“Oh,l
ookwho’sup.
”
Shelookeddownatmypant sandbackupatme,
“pr
omiseyouwi l
lbequi
ck?
”
Me:
Babynotnow.Thoughty
oui
nar
ush?
Her
:Butki
ngkongseemst
oneedme.
Sheputherhanddownmypant sandfel
tmeup
whil
ekissi
ngmyneck.ButMissLongori
awasallI
coul
dthinkabout
,“Baby
,someonewil
lwalki
n.”
Her
:Sowhat
?
Sheunzippedmypantsandsquat t
edinfr
ontofme
andputmei nhermouth.Ihel
dont oherheadand
putmy sel
fdeepi
nhermout h,shegaggedandI
stopped.Shepul
l
edhermout hawayf r
om meand
l
ookedatmeconf used.Ihel
pedhergetupand
turnedherar
oundIputmyhandupherdr ess,she
wasn’ tweari
nganyunder wear .Iinsertedaf i
ngeri
n
her,shewasal r
eadywet .Ileanedherov erthetable
andi nsert
edherr oughly,sheletoutamoan.Il i
ft
ed
herrightlegandpl acedherkneeont hetabl
eand
star
tedr ammi ngintoherf asterandf ast
er.Ihad
MissLongor iaonmymi ndandf uckingtheshitout
ofher .Ij
ustkeptgoi ng,
Iwasn’ thereany more.I
snappedbackwhenIhear dThandoshout i
ng,
“Khenanst op.Khenany ou’rehur tingme. ”
Il
ookeddownather
,shelookedf
ri
ght
ened,
“Khenan
what’
swrongwi
thyou?”
Ipul
l
edout
,“I
’
m sor
rybaby
,uhm…”
Her
:Whatt
hef
uckdude.
Shewalkedintotheoff
icebathroom andlef
tme
standi
ngwi t
hmypant satmyankl e.Ipul
l
edupmy
pantsandfoll
owedhert othetoil
et,
shewasf i
xi
ng
herhair
,“BabyI’
m sor
ry.”
Her
:St
ayt
hehel
lawayf
rom me.
Shepr act
ical
l
yranoutofmyof fi
ce.Ipour
edanot
her
dri
nkandt ookitallbackatonce,t
henpoured
anotherone.Ipickedupthephoneanddi al
ed,
“
Whi
chhotel
areyoubookedat.
..
?CanIcomesee
y
oul
ater
…?Great
,I’
l
lseeyouthen.
”
Itookbackt
hewhol
edr
inkandsatatmychai
r,what
thehel
lwasIdoi
ng?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Cl
i
ckl
i
keandshar
e!!
[
11/
23,
16:
20]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode30

*
***
***
***
***
***
**Not
hando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*
Icouldn’
tgetahol dofKhenant hewhol eday;he
wasn’tpi
ckingupmycal l
s.Iwasl eavingforMexi co
thenextday,soIdeci dedt ohav edinnerwi t
hMbal i
andPhumeatar estaur antinoneofKhenan’ shotel
s.
Wesatdownandor deredwi ne,talkedabi tandthen
order
edsupper .Ev eryoneseemedt obesobusyand
thi
ngswer ewor kingoutwel lforthem.Phume
askedmeaboutMar quesandIbr ushedherof f,t
hey
tri
edtoconv i
ncemenott ogot oMexi co,thatevenif
Zenonwasmyf atherhewasnev eraround.ButI
neededtoknow, myl ifeseemst oallbeal ieandI
neededtoknowt hewhol etruth.Aftereatingwe
order
eddesser tandMbal iwantedust otr
yt hi
s
dessertwinesoweor deredt hattoo.
Mbal
i
:Isn’
tthatKhenan?
Iturnedar oundandsawKhenanwal kingoutofthe
hotellobbyl ookingr atherscr
uffy
.Itri
edtocallhi
m
againandhedi dn’tpickup.Whatt hehell
washe
doingher eatt histimeoft henight?Mymood
suddenl ydampenedandIwant edtogohome, tears
threatenedmyey esandIt ri
edtokeepi ti
nbutat ear
escaped.
Mbal
i:Babe,
don’tt
hinkt
oomuch.Heownsthe
pl
acesoheobviousl
ywil
lbeher
eatti
mes.
Me: That’sbul
lshi
t.Wit
hhisshir
tunt
ucked?Helooks
l
ikehej ustgotupf r
om sl
eep,whywoul
dhesleep
hereinsteadofhim house?
Mbal
i
:Don’
tjumpt
oconcl
usi
ons.
Phume:Thandohasapoi
nt,
whatel
sewoul
dhebe
doi
nghereatthi
shour
.
Me:Explai
nswhyhehasbeenact
ingdodge,
whenI
wenttoseehimtodayathi
sof
fi
cehewasact i
ng
ver
ystrange.
Phume:
Yout
hinkhei
sbackt
oget
herwi
thKhensani
?
Mbali
:Never,
hehatesthatwoman;hewouldn’
tri
sk
l
osingThandooverKhensani
.It
’sanewbi
tchItel
l
you.
Me: Guys,I’
m cal
li
ngi tani
ght.Ij
ustwanttosl
eep.I
haveaflighttomorrowmor ni
ngsoIcannotdwellon
thi
s.Ihavebiggerthingstoworryaboutt
hisi
sthe
l
eastofmywor ri
es.
Wepai dt hebil
landall
wentoursepar ateway s,
I
drovehomewi thnomusicplayi
ng.Ijustkept
thi
nkingaboutwhatIhadseen, andsomanyt hi
ngs
werer unningthr
oughmyhead.Igothomeand
Khenan’ scarwasparkedinthedriv
eway .Thatj
ust
mademesoangr y.Whatthehellwashedoi ngher e?
Het hi
nkshecansl eepwithanotherwomant hen
comet omyhouse?Ohhel lno!
!Iwenti nsideandhe
wasnowher etobeseen,Iheardhim shoutfrom the
study,“Baby,wherehaveyoubeen?”
Icouldt el
lhewasdr unk,soIj ustignoredhi m
becausei fIentertainedhi m wewoul dbeupal lnight
fi
ghtingaboutt hisandIdi dn’thavet heener gyf or
thi
s,“Baby .
”Hecal l
edoutagai n,Ipour edmy self
j
uiceandqui cklywentupst ai
rs,andIl ockedt hedoor .
Itookashowerandgoti ntobed, wasn’ tunti
l 30
minut eslat
erdi dhecomet ot hedoorandst ar t
ed
bangingf ormet oopenf orhim.Hewassodr unk, he
wassl ur
ri
nghi swor dsandIknewhej ustwasn’ t
goingt ostop.Iunlockedt hedoorandgotbacki nto
bed.Hecamei nst umbl i
ngt omysi deoft hebedand
kneltdownr ightbymyf ace,hewasr eeki ngof
al
cohol
.
Hi
m:Baby
.
Idi
dn’
trepl
y,“
Baby
…I’
m sor
ry.
”
Me:
Hm
Hi
m:Idi
dn’
tdoi
t,Iwasgoi
ngt
obutIdi
dn’
t.
Me:
Dowhat
?
Hi
m: MissLongori
a…Iwentt
oherbutal
lIcoul
d
t
hinkofwasy ou.
Me:KhenanIhav
eanear
lyf
li
ghtt
omor
row,
please
l
eav
emeal one.

Wast hi
smanconf essi
ngaboutcheat i
ngand
deny i
ngitatt hesamet ime?Didhet hinkIwas
stupid,hewasonl ytell
ingmet hisbecausehesaw
usatt hehot el?Iturnedaroundandf acedtheother
way ,thetearsjustst ar
tedfl
owi ng.Icouldn’
tcontr
ol
i
t;Ijustlayther ecryi
ngi nsi
lence.
Hi
m:Baby
,Il
ovey
ousomuch.
Me:
ShutupKhenan,
justshutt
hef
uckup.
Hedi dastol d,andIcouldhearhim getti
ngupfrom
thefloorandsatont hechai
rinthecor neroft
he
room.Hel itaci gar
etteandsmoked, hehadsome
nerve.Inmyr oom,Ikeptqui
et.Ieventuall
ycri
ed
my selft
osl eep.

Iwokeupt henextmor ningandhewassi tt

ingi nthe
chairwithabot t
leofwhi skey,halfful
l.Icouldn’ttell
i
fhewasawayorasl eep.Imadet hebedandwent
toshower ,whenIcamei ntother oom hehadmov ed
ontothebedandwasl ookingt ohisfeet.Ididn’tsay
anythingtohim; Iwentintothecl osettopickan
outf
it.Thet r
ipwasaboutawhol edaysoIneededt o
becomf or
table;
Iwor eblacky ogapant swithabl ack
vestandabl ackhoodi e,withblacksneaker s.Lucki l
y
Ihadpackedt wodaysbef ore,soIt ookmyl uggage
andpl aceditbythedoor ,Khenanwasst il
lsitt
ingon
thebes, hehadn’tmov ed.
Hi
m:Baby
?
Me:
Goodmor
ningKhenan.
Hi
m:Canwet
alk?
Me:
Ihaveafl
i
ghttocatch;
Idon’
thav
eti
mef
ort
his.
Got
alkt
oMissLongori
a.
Hi
m:Not
hinghappenedbet
w….
Me:
Idon’
twantt
oheari
t.

Iputonmywat chandcar riedmybagsdownst ai

rs.
Hef oll
owedme; Iwheeledthebagst omycarand
putthem i nt
heboot .Iwentbackinsidetomake
somet hingtoeat .Imadeanomel et
,and2sausages
and4r asher
sofbacon.Imadeami mosabuti na
verylargeglass, putevery
thingonat rayandwentto
sitont hepati
o; Iputmyf eetupont hechairnextto
meandat emybr eakf
ast,“
Soy ouwon’ tmakeme
anythingtoeat?”
Ii
gnoredhim andat emybr eakf
astanddr ankmy
champagnecockt ail
.Iwast oof
ullbutIhadtof i
nish
sohedoesn’ tgetany.WhenIwasdoneIcoul d
barel
ybreathe,Il
itacigar
etteandsmokedsi pping
onmydr ink.Igotupandputt hedi
shesi nthesink,
myhelperwascomi ngthatdaysoIdidn’tbother
washi
ngthem.Iwentupstai
rstofetchmyhandbag
andheadedbackdown.Khenanwasst andi
ngatthe
doorwait
ingf
orme,“canIatleastdri
veyoutot
he
ai
rpor
t.
”
Me: Beoutofmyhousebythet
imeI
’m back,
ifI
catchyouhereIwi
l
lcal
lthepol
i
ceonyourcheat
ing
ass.
Igoti ntomymust anggt500,1967model and
startedt heengine.Itroaredoverhi
sv oi
ceandIt ook
off.Icoul dseehi m standingt
herewatchingme
driveaway ,
IpickedPhumeupandwedr ovetothe
ai
r port.Ihadtol eavemybabywi t
hsomebodyI
tr
ust ed.ImetJamesatt heairpor
tandwechecked
i
n, Ireceivedat extmessagef rom Mbali:
Haveasaf e
tr
ipbabe; Ihopeal lyourquesti
onsareanswered.
Goodl uck,cal
lmei fyouneedme.Ilov eyou.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Don'
tfor
gett
ohi
tthel
i
kebut
tonaf
terr
eadi
ng!
!!
[
11/
23,
16:
20]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode31

Ismi l
edtomy selfandweboar dedtheplane, I
switchedmyphoneofandwewer eintheair.James
explai
nedt omet hatIwoul dn’tseeZenonunt i
lthe
3rddaywewer einMexi co.Hehadbookedusi nto
somehot el
;honestl
yhist alki
ngwasmaki ngmeso
sleepy.Ifel
lasl
eepandwaswokenupwhenwegot
toMuni ch.Iwashungry, Igotsomet hi
ngtoeati n
Germany ,andthenwewer eint heskyagain.James
wasact uall
yacool guy,wepl ay edcards,drankand
hetol dmeabi tabouthi msel f
.Hewasdi vorced, so
di
dn’ treall
yhav efamily.Whi chmadesensebecause
hewasdeal i
ngwi t
hdr ugdeal ers,sowhoknows
howsaf ehisf ami l
ywas.Iunder stood, Ifellasleep
againont heflighttoWashi ngton.Iwokeupj ust
beforewel anded, andIf eltli
keIwashi tbyat r
ain.
Myheadwaspoundi ng, onemor efl
ightt i
llwegott o
Mexi co.Ihadenoughf lying,wear ri
vedi nMexi co.
Jameswasf ami l
i
arwi tht hecount r
ybecausehe
vi
sitedZenonev erynowandagai n.Her entedacar
andwedr ovetot hehot el.Thisplacewashot ,Ij
ust
want edt osleep, t
her oom wasni cebuti twasabi t
smal l.Iwasn’tcompl ainingt hough, Ishower edand
gotint obed.Itwas10: 40am, Isleptforagood
coupl eofhour sunt i
lther ewasaknockatmydoori t
wasJames.
Hi
m:Getdr
essedwear
egoi
ngt
oeat
.
Me:
I’
mti
red.
Hi
m:Comeman,
yougoi
ngt
olov
ethi
spl
ace.

Ichangedandwewal
kedt
hist
ime.Wewer
en’
tint
he
fancypartofMexi
co,butIli
kedit.Thebuil
dings
werepainteddi
ff
erentcolor
s,t
heat mospherewas
wonderful.Wewalkedi
ntoasmal l r
estaur
ant,t
her
e
wereonlyabout10peopleinsi
de, andtheair
con
didn’
tseem tobeworkingbecausei twashotashell
.
Wesatdownandat e.
James: Todayandt omor rowwer est,andthenour
visi
tisschedul edat11am t hefoll
owi ngday .Sowe
wi l
lhaveagenet i
cistcomi ngi nwithus, becauseI
am hisat torneywegetar oom andy oudon’thav eto
speakt hroughagl asswi ndow.Ihav et owar ny ou
though, Zenoni sn’
tt heloveydov eyt ypeofmany ou
mayt hinkhei s.WhenIt oldhim abouty ouhewasn’ t
exactlyexci t
ed, butwaswi l
li
ngtof i
ndout .Hehasno
knownchi ldrensodon’ tbet hi
nkingy ouhav e
brothersandsi sters.Hei sadanger ousman, and
someoft het hi
ngsy ouhav ereadabouthi m maybe
true.Hewi l
lbei npr i
sonf orav erylongt ime, andto
hav eanyr eal communi cationwithhi my ouhav et
o
fl
y2day souther e.
Me:Canweslowitdownabi
t,Idon’
tev
enknowif
t
hisi
smyfathery
et.Wewil
lworkoutever
ythi
ngel
se
af
terwehav
ether
esul
ts.Fornowl
et’
sjustchi
l
lok!

Itwast hedayt ov i
sitthepr ison.Idi dn’tknowwhat
towear ,Ineededt olookpr esent able;butthe
weatherwasj usttoomuch, soopt edf oray ellow
summerdr esst hatwaskneel engt h.Ididanunt i
dy
Frenchpl ai
tandcar riedmysl i
ngbagandwal kedout
tomeetJames.Hewasst andingatt hecarwear i
ng
shorts,vestandahat .Iregr ett
ednotget tingahat ,
hetossedmesunscr een.Wedr oveaboutanhourt o
theprison;wemett hegenet i
cistatt hehospit al
.
Theyt ookourpi ctur
esandcopi esofourpasspor t s
thewor ks,eventuall
ywewer eleadi ntoar oom and
wewai t
ed.Zenonwal kedi nt ot her oom, hewast al
l
hishairwasi napony tailandhehadat hick
moust ache.Hewasn’ tdr essedi nor ange, buthehad
i
nacr i
spywhi teonesi e.Het urnedar oundand
l
ookedatt heguar d,
whoseemedf ri
ghtenedand
walkedoutt her oom.Zenonsatdownandl ookedat
me, t
henatJamesandt henatt hedoct or.
Zenon:
Whydi
dyoubr
ingt
hisguy
?
James:
Hei
sgoi
ngt
oconductt
heDNAt
est
.
Zenon:
Est
upi
doi
diot
a(st
upi
didi
ot)
James:
Real
l
y?Whathav
eIdonenow?
?
Zenonl
ookedatt
hegenet
ici
st,
“Getout
!!
”
Il
ookedatJamesconf
used.

Thedoctorl
eftt
her
oom l
ooki
ngscared;
Zenon
tur
nedtomeandgavemeacr ookedsmil
e.
Me:
Uhm,
hi.
Zenon:
James,
hav
eyout
akenhert
oseeCi
ndy
?
James:
No,
whywoul
dIdot
hat
?
Zenon:You’
reaspit
ti
ngimageofyourmot
her.I
can’
tbeli
eveshekeptyouawayf
rom meall
these
year
s.Howdi dyoufi
ndout?
Me:Uhm,afri
endt
hatwashel
pingmef
indout
aboutmypast
.
Zenon:Yourmotherwoul
dn’
tletmeraisey
ou,she
di
dn’twanttogeti
nvol
vedwit
ht heki
ndofbusi
ness
Iwasi
nyouknow?
(Inodded)Youwer esosmal landti
nyt hel astti
meI
sawy ou.Shejustpackedherstuffandl eftme, she
brokemyhear tthatwoman.Iwasv erysadwhenI
heardaboutherpassing;youmusthav ebeenv er
y
youngthen.Ohmywor dyouar ebeaut i
ful
.Ci ndyis
mywi febytheway ,youwil
lloveher.Shei s
wonderful
.(HeturnedtoJames)Pl easet akehert o
Cindy.Ohmywor dlookatmebabbl ing,I’
mj ustso
excit
edandner vous.Tel
lmeabouty ourselfhoney.
Me:
Uhm,
wel
lIdon’
tknowwher
etost
art
.
Zenon:
Comegi
vedaddysomel
ove.
Hegotupandopenedhisarms, Il
ookedatJames
andhenodded.Igotupandhuggedhi m back,he
ti
ght
enedhishugandIfel
tthewarmt h,i
tfeltl
i
ke
home.Il
etoutasighandIstar
tedtocry.
Zenon:
Sshhhhhmi
bebê(
sshhhhmybaby
)
Westoodliket
hatforawhil
e,Idon’
tknowwhyIwas
f
eeli
ngthewayIwas.Iwassoemot i
onal
,Ij
ustfel
t
l
ikeIhadfoundthemissi
ngpieceofmypuzzle.We
l
etgoandwesatdownandt al
kedforalongti
me,
unt
ilt
heguar dknockedonthedoorandsi gnaledat
hi
swat ch.Iguessi
twast i
mef orustothengo.We
sai
dourgoodby es;Zenonaskedtospeakt oJames
al
onesoIl eftt
hem andwenttowai touti
nt hecar.

*
***
***
***
***Zenon*
***
***
***
***
***
*

Thandowal
kedoutt
hedoorandIwasl
eftwi
th
James.
James:
What
’supZee?
Zenon:
Ineedt
ogetoutofher
e.
James:Youknowt hati
sn’
tpossi
ble,
wehavegone
overal
lthepossi
blyofyouget
ti
ngoutandt
hatis
onlyi
nabodybag.
Zenon:
Wel
lmakei
thappen.
James:
Youwantmet
obr
eaky
ououtofpr
ison?
Zenon:
Yes,
Ithi
nkIj
ustsai
dthat
.
James:Whywoul
dy ouri
skthat?Wehav
eanappeal
i
nthreeandahal
fyearsandIthi
nkwewil
lwi
nit
.If
y
ouarecaughtescapi
ngthatoppor
tuni
tyget
s
t
hrownoutt
hewi ndow.
Zenon:
ThenIdon’
tgetcaught
!
James:
Whyar
eyoudoi
ngt
his?
Zenon:Ij
ustsawmydaught eraf terhowmanyy ears?
Howmanyy earsJames?Iwillnotl etherseemei n
thesecl
othes,sheneedsafatherandIam hi m.Now
getoutandmakeapl an.Iwantt ospendChr i
stmas
withmygirl
s.TakehertoCindyt omor row,andI
needanewphonebef or
eyoul eav ethecountry.
James:
Youmaki
ngami
stakeZee.
Zenon:
Idi
dn’
tasky
ou,
nowmakei
thappen.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Pr
essl
i
keandcomment
[
11/
23,
16:
20]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode32

*
***
***
***
***
*Not
hando*
***
***
***
***
***

Whi
l
eIwai
tedi
nthecarf
orJames,
Ical
l
edMbal
i
.
Mbal
i
:Heybaby
,howdi
ditgo?
Me:
Itwentr
eal
l
ywel
l
.
Mbal
i
:Sot
het
estcameoutposi
ti
ve?
Me:Wedidn’
ttakeatest;
hechasedt
hegeneti
cist
outt
heroom.HesaidIlookedl
ikemymotherand
wespoke,al
ot.
Mbal
i
:Sowhydi
dn’
thet
ryf
indy
ou?
Me:
I’
ll
tel
lyoual
labouti
tlat
er.I
’
m meet
inghi
swi
fe
t
omorr
owandwillf
indoutabitmor
e.
Mbal
i
:Anycut
ehal
fbr
other
s?
Me:Hedoesn’
thav
eanyot
herchi
l
drenbesi
desme,
unf
ort
unat
ely.
Mbal
i
:Butfr
iend,
don’
tyout
hinky
ouneedaDNA
t
estj
ustt
obesure?
Me:NoMbali
,If
eltt
heconnect
ion.Hei
smyf
ather
,
andheknowsaboutmybir
thmark.
Mbal
i
:Ha,
okt
henIbel
i
evehi
m now.
Me:
Iwi
l
ltal
ktoy
out
omor
rowbabe.Lov
eyou.
Mbal
i
:By
e,l
ovey
ou!

Jamescamet ot hecarlookingstressed,butdidn’
t
bothert oaskhi m becausehewasn’ tgoingt osay
anythingany way .Wedr ovet oar estaur
antandhad
l
uncht herethesunwasbl azingsowespentt herest
ofthedayatt hebeacht i
llsunset.Jameswas
workingmai nly
; Iswam andr eadabook.Thebeach
wasr eallygorgeous, Khenanwoul dlovethis.I
missedhi m actuall
y;i
twoul dhav ebeengr eatto
sharet hiswhol eexperimentwi thhim.Idon’ tknow
whyIthoughtabouthi
m hehadn’tev
entr
iedt
o
cont
actmeaf t
erwhathappened.Iwaspi
ssedof
f.
Me:
James,
whenl
astdi
dyouspeakt
oKhenan?
James:
Thi
smor
ning.
Me:
And?
James:
Andwhat
?
Me:
Wel
l
?
James:
Justspi
titoutIhav
etodo!
Me:
Didheaskaboutme?
James:
Heal
way
sasksabouty
ou.
Me:
Andwhatdi
dyousay
?
James:Youhavehi
snumberri
ght
?Sopi
ckupy
our
phoneandcal
lhim.I
’
m busy
!!
Iwentbacktomybookandf ell
asleepabit
.The
ti
meIwokeupt hesunwasset t
inganditwas
gett
ingali
tt
lebi
tcooler
.Iwashungry;t
hewayIwas
eati
ngIwouldbefatbytheti
meIgotbackhome.
WhenIgotbackfrom buyi
ngtacosIheardJameson
thephone,
“We’l
lbetherear
ound12h00…Don’t
worr
yaboutit
,Ihav
eever
ythi
ngundercont
rol
…we
wi
llt
alkl
aterwhenweseeyou…haveagood
ev
eningCi
ndy.”

Ididn’
taskany t
hingaboutt hecal lIjusthandedhi m
thetacosandat e.I
twasst artingt ogetdar ksowe
packedupandheadedbackt ot hehot el.It
ooka
showerandl ayont hebed; Ihadn’ tlookedatwor k
sinceIgothere.Iopenedmyl apt opandcheckedmy
emai l
s,j
ustafewf rom wor k,not hingt hatneeded
mej ustccsonly.Khenanwasonl i
ne…t hennext
thinghewasf acetimingme.Ii gnor edhi mthefi
rst
ti
meandhet ri
edagai n.Ianswer ed,“Hi .
”
Hi
m:Howar
eyou?
Me:
Good,
your
sel
f?
Him:I
’m al
ri
ght
,Ical
l
edbecauseIsawyouonl
ine.I
j
ustsentyouanemail
.Onl
yopenitaf
terwear
e
donehere.
Me:
Ok.
Hi
m:Iheari
t’
shotoutt
her
e?
Me:Extremel
y,buti
t’
sbeaut
if
ulandthef
oodi
stoo
good.Ihavegai
nedabout5kil
osal
ready
.
Hechuckl
ed,
“I’
m gl
ady ouenj
oyi
ng.I
’
lll
ety
ousl
eep;
Iwi
ll
tal
ktoyouanotherti
me.”
Me:
Thanks,
bye

Weendedt hecall,
Ir eall
ydidmi sshim.Our
conv ersationwassoi nnocent ;hedi dn’tapol ogize
andt rytobeg.Hej ustgenui nelywant edt ocheck
howIwasdoi ng.AsIl ayont hebedt hinkingabout
theconv ersati
onmyl aptopbeepedandt hatmust
havebeenhi semai l.Iopenedi tandi twasav ideo,I
start
edpl ayingthev ideo.ItwasKhenanwal kingi nt
o
thehot el,thenightbef oreIleftf orMexi co.Iwat ched
thev i
deo.Hewal kedi nat21: 14t hev i
deoswi tched
tothehal l
waywher eheent eredoneoft her oomsat
21:21.Thev i
deost ayedatt hehal l
wayandt hen
Khenanwal kedoutawomanf ol l
owedaf terhimi n
j
ustl i
nger ie.Icouldn’theart hev ideohadnosound; I
l
ookedatt hetopr i
ghthandcor ner21: 29.Thev ideo
switchedbackt ohiml eavi
ngt hel obbyat21: 45.
Thent hatwast heendoft hevideo.Ismi ledto
my sel f
,andr oll
edontomyback.Il etoutasigh; I
honest lythoughthesl eptwithher .Butthatdoesn’ t
meanhedi dn’twanttosl eepwi t
hher ,whydi dhedo
thatt hough.Iwentonl inetogoogl et hi
sLongor i
a.
Andi magescameupofanol dmanandhi m being
sick, t
her ewasapi ctureofthisoldmanandagi r
l
thecapt ionment i
onedherashi sdaught erandI
googl edher .Shewasbeaut i
ful;Icant el
lwhyhewas
attractedt oher .Buttot r
yandsl eepwi t
hher, that
wasabi ttoomuch.Wewoul dtalkabouti twhenI
gotback; Iwant edtoinvi
tehim ov erbutdeci ded
agai nstit.Iwentt osleepwi thasmi l
eonmyf ace.

Thenextdaywewentt oCi ndy’

shouse, itwasa
gorgeoushouse.Itseemsast houghZenon’ sdr
ug
moneywaspay ingwelleventhoughhewasst il
l
l
ockedup.Wewenti nsideandwer egr eetedbya
blacklady
,IguessZenonl ikedthem black,I
chuckledtomy sel
f.Sheletusi nandshehad
preparedafeastforus.Mor efood,thi
st ri
pwasbad
formyheal t
h;butIwasn’tcompl ai
ning.Wet al
ked
andateanddr
ank…peopleinMexi
codri
nk,alot
.She
showedmeaphot oalbum,“
Yourmom l
eftt
hisfor
Zenonwhenshelefthi
m.”
Theal bum hadphot osofme,from ul
tr
asoundt o
about6mont hs.Therewasapi ct
ureofZenon
holdi
ngme; helookedmuchy oungerinthepi ct
ure.
Hedi dn’thaveaponyandt hatthi
ckmoust ache;I
wasj ustlooki
ngupathi m wit
honehandi nt heair
reachingforhisface.
Me:
Yout
hinkhewoul
dmi
ndi
fIt
ookt
hisone?
Cindy
:Goaheadsweet
hear
t,hehasawhol
eal
bum,
andhewon’tmi
ssit
.
Itookitandputitinmybag; Itookphotoswithmy
phoneoft herestoftheorigi
nal s.Wehungoutwit
h
heruntil
sunsetandt henleft
.Tomor r
owwewer e
goinghome, butIwasn’tsureifIwant edtogohome
j
usty et
.Ineededmor etimewi thZenon;Ihad
missedoutonhav i
nghim asmyf at
herformywhol
e
l
ifeIcouldn’
tjustl
eavelikethis.
Me:
James,
Iwantt
ost
ay.
James:
Whatf
or?
Me:
Tospendabi
tmor
eti
mewi
thhi
m.He’
smydad.
James:Wel
lthatwon’
tbehappeni
ngsweetpea,
theyar
emovinghimtoni
ght
.
Me:
What
,towher
e?Forwhatr
eason?
James:Legalr
easons.I
’
lll
etyouknowonceIknow
thewhol
estory.Butt
omorrow10h00weareheadi
ng
backtoSouthAfri
ca.
Me:
I’
ll
staywi
thCi
ndyt
il
lIwai
tfory
out
ofi
ndout
mor
e.
James:
Thati
sn’
thappeni
ng.Wear
egoi
nghome.

Hisphoner
ang,“
Zee….
.Shewant
stost
ay…Al
ri
ght
,
goti
t….Ok…sur
ethi
ng.
”
Idi
dn’
taskhi
m any
thi
ngIj
ustl
ethi
m be.
James:We’r
eleav
ingat5am.Andt
hati
snota
quest
ion.

Wegottothehot
elandIwentt
otheroom,Iwas
angr
y,i
twasli
keJameswaskeepingsomethi
ng
awayfrom me.Ineededtogetoutofher e.Iwai
ted
unti
lIknewhewassl eepi
ng.Ipackedmybagsand
openedmybedr oom door
;Igotthebiggestshock
ever
,“Whatthefuck!
!”

Ther
eweretwomenstandingatmydoor
.Oneoft
he
men,“doy
ouneedany
thingma’am?”
Me:
Uhm,
whoar
eyou?
Man1:
Doy
ouneedany
thi
ng?
Me:
Ineedy
out
ogetoutofmyway
.
Man1:
Any
thi
ngel
se?
Me:
NO!
Man1:
Unf
ort
unat
elywewi
l
lnotbeabl
etodot
hat
.
Me:
Mov
e.

Theyjustst
oodsti
l
l anddidn’
tsayany
thi
ng.Iwent
backintomyroom anddialedJames,
“Whatthehel
l
i
sthis?’
James:
Youshoul
dbeget
ti
ngr
est
.
Me:
Whyar
ether
emenout
sidemydoor
?
James:
Howdoy
ouknowt
heyar
ether
e?
Me:
Whyar
etheyher
ethough?
James:
Thandogot
osl
eep,
Iwi
l
lseey
out
omor
row.
Hecutt
hecall
…Fuck,t
herewasnowinni
ng.My
phoner
ang,
itwasKhenan.Whatdi
dhewant?
Me:
Hel
l
o.
Hi
m:Iheary
ouar
ebei
ngdi
ff
icul
t.
Me:
Real
l
y?
Him:Babyjustcomehome,i
tisfory
ourownsafety
.
Youcanalway sgobackt
ovi
sitwhentheheatdi
es
down.
Me: Oh,
soy ouknowwhatishappeni
ngaboutmy
fat
herbutIdon’
tknow?Howdoest hatev
enwork
Khenan?(Iwasshout
ingnow)
Khenan:Not
hando,cal
m downever
ythi
ngisok.Just
l
ist
entoJames, hewil
lgety
oubackheresaf
eand
youwil
lseeyourfat
heragai
n.
Me:
Howdoy
ouknow?
Hi
m:Baby
,tr
ustme…
Me:
Ican’
tleav
ethough.
Khenan:ComehomebabyandIpr
omi
sey
ou
ever
ythi
ngwil
lbeok.
Me:
Alr
ight
,I’
l
lseey
oui
naf
ewday
s.

At4:30t
herewasaknockatmydoor
,“Ma’
am we
needtogetgoi
ng,
Jamesiswai
ti
nginthecar
.”
Ijustgr
untedandpointedatmybags,t
heypicked
them upandwewal kedtothecar
.Oneofthem
behindmeandt heotherbehi
ndme,Idon’
t
underst
andwhyIneededt obeescort
ed!
Therewere3blackSUVsparkedout
side,
they
openedthedoorandIgoti
n,“Jameswhatthefuck,
youstat
ionedt
womenatmydoor ?”
James:Iknewy ouwouldtr
ysomet hi
ng,y
out
hink
youar
eslick.Youjustdon’
tli
stent
hatist
het
hing
wit
hyou.
Me:
What
ever
.
James:Youneedtost
opacti
ngl
ikeafuckenchil
dor
el
seyouaregoingt
oblowthi
swholeoperat
ion!
Me:
Whatoper
ati
on?Tel
lmewhati
sgoi
ngon?
James:youwi
llknowal
li
nduet
ime,
rightnowdoas
Isay
,thati
sal
l
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
[
11/
23,
16:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode33
.
.
.
Ther
eissexual
act
ivi
tyi
nthi
spost
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Wedrovet otheairportandtherewasaj etwai

ti
ng
f
orus.Ijustknewt hiswasZenon’sjetbecause
t
herewasabi gzeddesi gnonit
.Iwalkedinonthe
j
etsul
king,Istoppedi nmyt r
ack,“
What ’
sgoingon?
Whatarey oudoingher e?”

Cindywassit
ti
ngi
nthej
et;
shewaswai
ti
ngf
orus
obviousl
y.
Ci
ndy
:Hel
l
ohoney
.
Me:
Whati
sgoi
ngon?
Ci
ndy
:I’
m comi
ngt
ovi
sit
.
Me:
Why
?
Ci
ndy
:Youdon’
twantmet
ocomewi
th.
Me:
ButwhataboutZenon?
Cindy:
Hewi ll
beal r
ight
,heisabi
gboy.Don’
twor
ry
aboutyourfatherhoney.Nowcomesi
tdown,weare
taki
ngoffsoon.

Isatdownnexttoherandsheheldmyhand,“
You
l
ookt i
redhoney,getsomer
estandwewil
ltal
k
somemor eal i
tt
lelat
er.
”
Iplacedmyheadonhershoulderandsoondri
fted
offtosleep.IwaswokenupbyCindy,
“Honeyyou
needt owakeup.Lunchisr
eady.
”
Me:
Whati
sthet
ime?
Her
:13h00.West
il
lhav
eal
ongwayt
ogo.
Iwenttof r
eshenupandcamebacktohavelunch.
Weat eandwet al
kedabit
,innot
imeCindygotup
andwentt othebar
.Shegotabott
leoft
equi
la,gin
andtonic.Shecamebackandsatdown.
Cindy
:Honeytheonlythi
ngt
hatwi
l
lmaket
hist
ri
p
seem fast
eri
salcohol
.
Cindywasworsethanme,shedrankt
oomuch.She
tookashotoftequil
aandmixedusgi
nandt
onic.
Andwesatandt alked.
Her
:Soanyl
uckymanwai
ti
ngf
ory
oubackhome?
Me:
Wel
l
,yeahki
ndof
.Thi
ngshav
en’
tbeensogood.
Jamesl
ookedupatmeandcl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat
.
Cindy
: Allmenar
eli
kethat
,youj
ustneedt
o
understandhi
m bet
ter
.Whatdoeshedo?
Me:
Hei
sapr
oper
tyguy
,ownscl
ubs,
andacasi
no.
Ci
ndy
:Smar
tguy
,soar
eyouguy
sst
ayi
ngt
oget
her
?
AndIjustt
houghtoft
hegl
asshousewewer
e
supposedtomoveint
obutendedupnot
.
Me:
Noty
et,
wehav
eahousebuthav
en’
tgot
ten
aroundtoactual
l
ymovi
ngin.Butwearetogetheral
l
theti
me, t
hat’
swhent
hepaparazzi
aren’
ttr
yingto
getpict
uresofus.
Cindy:
Whywoul dt
hemedi
abeconcer
nedabout
yourbusi
ness?
Me:
Wel
l
,Khenani
smar
ri
ed.
Her
:What
?
Jamesclear
edhisthr oatagain,
“OhshutupJames,
youknoweveryone’
sbusi ness.Doy ourwork.
”Cindy
seemedprett
yannoy edandshewasget t
ingali
tt
le
drunk.Wespokesomemor eandi r
ri
tat
edJames,
putthemusiconlouddancedar oundabit.
Somewhereinallt
hecr azinesswepassedout ,
Jameswokeusupj ustbeforewel anded.
James:Yout
ooar
ejustchaot
ic;
I’
m nev
erdoi
ngt
his
agai
n.
Hewasannoyed,Ci
ndyandIjustl
aughedathi
m.We
gotsomewaterandsatbackdownandputonour
bel
tsasperpi
lot
’si
nstr
ucti
on.
Wegoti nt
othecaranddroveof,“
Khenani
swai
ting
forusatyourhouse.Thenwi
llt
akeCindyt
oher
hotelwhenwearedone.”
Me:
Hot
el?
James:
Idi
dn’
tst
utt
er.
Me:Shecanst
aywit
hme, whydoesshehavetopay
f
oraccommodati
on?Ihav
emor ethanenoughspace?
James:Khenanseti
tup.Soy
oucandi
recty
our
concer
ntohim.
Me:
Iwi
l
ltal
ktohi
m.

Wegott ot hehouseandKhenangreetedusatthe
door.Mef ir
st,hepi
ckedmeupi nhisarm anddi
da
semi swi
rl.Hekissedmeonbot hcheeks,“I
’
ve
missedyoumybaby .”Ismi
ledathi
m andanswered,
“I
’v
emi ssedy outoohoney.
”
Heputmedown,
“thi
smustbeCi
ndy
?”
Me:
Yip,
Cindyt
hisi
sKhenan.
Theyhuggedandweallwenti
nside.IshowedCindy
i
ntooneofthespar
eroomsandl efthertof
reshen
up.Iwenti
ntomyroom andKhenanwassi t
tingon
thebedwait
ingf
orme,“Where’
sJames? ”
Hi
m:Hehadt
ogosor
toutsomet
hings.
Me:
Whywer
eyoubooki
ngCi
ndyi
nahot
el?
Him:Idi
dn’
tthi
nkshewasgoingt
ofeel
comf
ort
abl
e,
youguysbar
elyknoweachot
her.
Me:AndIt
hinkweneedt
hist
imet
ogett
oknow
eachot
her
.
Hi
m: Alr
ightsor
rybabe,
IguessIdi
dn’
tthi
nkt
his
t
hrough.Tellmehowwasy ourt
ri
p?
Me:Itwashot( Istar
tedundressi
ng,Ineededto
shower)butthecount r
yisbeauti
ful
.Thefood,I
swearIdon’tfi
tinmycl othesanymore.I
twasa
goodtri
p;Iwant edtostayalit
tl
ebitl
ongerthough.
Hi
m:Youdi
dn’
tfeel
theneedt
odi
scusst
hatwi
thme?
Me: Well
Khenanyouhadyourl
it
tl
echeat
ing
escapadeandIdi
dn’
twanttoseeyou.
Hi
m:Butbaby
,Ishowedy
out
hatIdi
dn’
tdoany
thi
ng.
Me:Youwerewi
thahal
fnakedwoman,
wit
hthe
i
ntentt
osl
eepwit
hher.
Hi
m:Butt
henIst
oppedmy
sel
f.
Me:WhyKhenan?Whatdr
ovey
out
owantt
osl
eep
wi
thsomeoneelse?
Him: BabyIwasj ustbei
ngaman, shecamei ntot
he
offi
ceandshel ookedsexy .AndallIwantedwasto
sleepwithher.ButwhenIwasi nt hathotelr
oom I
l
ookedather ,andshewasnotwor t
hlosingyou.
ThatiswhyIst opped,becauseIlovey outoomuch
tohurtyouthatway .

Iwalkedi
ntothebat hroom withoutsayinganythi
ng,
andranmybat h.Ibutr osebathoilsandbubble
bath…Ineededtor el
axabi t.Iwast i
red,Idon’
tknow
i
fitwasthefli
ght,orifitwast r
yingtowr apmyhead
aroundever
ythi
ngt hatwasgoi ngonar oundme.
Khenanwalkedintot hebathroom, “
canIj oi
nyou?’
Inodded;hestri
ppedsoquickl
yal
mostli
keIwas
goingtochangemymi nd.WegotinandIsat
betweenhislegswit
hmyheadonhi schest
.Hegav
e
meaneckr ub,
itf
eltgood,
“BabyI
’
m sor
ry,
itwi
l
lnot
happenagai
n.”
Me:
itbet
ternothappen,
unl
essy
ouar
ereadyt
odi
e.
Wechucklesandhewasplay
ingwit
hmyhair,
byt
he
ti
mewewer edonebathi
ngmyfull
headwas
dri
ppi
ngwet,“You’
repay
ingf
ormynexthai
r
appoi
ntment.
”
Hi
m: Wel
lnowweunder
standwhyyourhai
rso
f
uckedup,y
ouhal
fbl
ackandhalfMexi
cano.
..Haha.
It
hrewmytowelathi
m pl
ayf
ull
y,“
I’
vemi
ssedt
his
si
ght,
comehere.
”
Me:
No.
Iwal kedintomycl oset,andhef oll
owedme.Hesat
downont hechai rnaked,Iknewexact lywhathewas
try
ingt odoandIi gnor
edhi m.Istrutaroundthe
room showi ngof fmycur ves,Ibentovertoreachfor
thebot t
om dr awer ,
andmywhol epeachwasv i
sibl
e.
WhenIst rai
ghteneduphewasst ari
ngatme
strokinghismanhood, whichwasf ullonhard.Iput
mymat chingpant yandbr a,andthenwal kedovert
o
myshoes.Ipi ckedoutar edpai rofJi
mmyChoo
heelsandsl
ippedthem on,Itur
nedar
oundand
Khenanwasst andi
ngrightbehi
ndme.Ismi
ledto
my sel
fabit
,“Whyy oudoingthi
stome?”
Me:
Doi
ngwhat
?
Hepi ckedmeupandpl acedmeont het ableinthe
mi ddleoft hecl oset .Wewer ef acetof ace, andhe
kissedme.Whi l
eundoi ngmybr a,hewentdownand
kissedmybr eastandbi tgentlyonmyni pple.Shock
wav eswentt hroughmyent irebody ,andIsqui r
med,
hewentst raightf ormyi nnert highsandki ssedme
gent lyunti
l hegott omypeach.Hepi ssedmeont op
ofmypant i
es, spr eadingmyl egsf urtherapar t
,he
mov edmypant iest ot hesi deandpl acedhi swar m
tongueonmypeachandl i
ckedonest r
okeand
stopped.“ Babe, ”Hel ookedupatmeandanswer ed,
“What ?Ha…”hewast easi ng,Ihel dhisheadand
pulledi tt
owar dsmyf ount ainandhedr ankf r
om it,
sucki ngandl i
cking.Changi ngpacesandt henhe
placedhi sf i
ngeri nsideandst artedfingeringme
har derandl ickingf ast er,het ookhi smout hand
usedhi sotherhandt opl aywi thmycl i
t.Icouldn’t
holdi tinany mor eandmybodyst ar
tedv ibrati
nginto
anor gasm.Il etoutacr yandl ayther ewhi l
est il
l
twitching, hel ookedatmesmi li
ng.Hepi ckedmeup
from t het ableandpl acedmeonhi smanhood, he
tri
edt oent erbuti twast ightandhest ruggled.He
l
iftedmeupandt ri
edagai n,Igraspedwhenhi shead
enter edme.Hepul ledoutagai nandt henent ered
mef ullynextt ime.Andi tslidineasierbuti twasst i
ll
ti
ght ,“Babywai t
.”Hest oppedandpul ledout ,“Okt r
y
again. ”Hesl i
di nsideeasi er,“
Yes…uhbaby .”He
gent l
yr ockedmei nhisar ms, f
eltasecondor gasm
comi ngandhest opped, “
BabyI ’
m goi ngt ocome.
Youf eelsogood. ”Hewal kedusov ert ot hechai r
andhesatdownandpl acedmeont opofhi m, I
wor kedonhi m abi tandt henst opped, “Baby ,don’t
stop.”Igotupandt urnedar oundandputhi mi nside
mypeach, hel etoutamoanandgr abbedmyhi ps.I
wasgr indingf ast erandf asterhegr abbedmywet
hairandpul l
edmyheadbackandf elthi shotbr eath
onmyear ,“baby …ohmygod, baby.”Hegr i
ppedmy
hipt i
ght erandIwasnear inganor gasm andwas
pant i
ngl ikeal it
tl
epuppyandIspasmed.Mywal l
s
ti
ght enedar oundhi smanhoodandt hatsenthi m of f
theedge, hel etoutamoanandt hrustonel asttime.
Hetil
tedhi
sheadbackandwasbreathingheavy,I
l
eanedontohischest
.Hewassti
l
linsidemeandI
f
elthi
mt wi
tchinsi
deafewmoreti
mes, “
Imissed
you.
”
Hi
m:Meormydi
ck?
Ij
ustlaughed;
wewentt oshowerandwentdown
stai
rs.Ci
ndywasfastasl
eepinthespareroom and
weletherbe.Imadeaquickmeal andl
eftanotef or
herandwewentbacki nt
otheroom andfellasl
eep.
[
11/
23,
16:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode34

Thef ol
lowingweekKhenanwasl eavingf orMexico
onbusiness.Iwant edtogowi thbuthet oldmeI
neededt ostaybehind,heandJamesl eftusbehi nd.
Iwasgai ni
ngwei ghtfrom Cindy’scooking; shewas
real
lygoodati t
.Kalisacamebyaf ewt i
mes, t
hey
gotonqui t
ewel l
.Khenan’sbi rt
hdaywascomi ngup
i
namont h’sti
mesoIusedt histi
met opl anand
prepareforit
.Hehat edbigf ancypartiesandhar dly
hadanyf ri
endsbuthi sbusinesspar t
ner s.Hel ov
ed
artsoIgotaf ewofhi sfavoriteart
ist
st opai ntsome
personalizedpaintingsf orhim.Ishoppedar oundf or
otherpaintingingal l
eries;Iwasconv er
ti
ngourgl ass
housei ntoagal l
ery.Andmakei tacocktai
lpar ty
,I
gotacat eringcompanyandev er y
thi
ngwasset .
Nowal l t
hatwasl ef twasf ormet obuyhi ma
present,Ididn’
tev enknowwher etobegin.Whatdo
yougett hemanwhohasev eryt
hing?Iwasgoi ngto
fi
gur ethatoutlater,may beKalisawouldhelpme
there.KhenanandTar eckhadbeent alki
ng,ev en
thought heywer enott hatclosebutitwasast art.

Khensani wentpubl i
cwi t
htheirseparati
onwi thout
anyonepushi nghertodoi t,
shewant edtogo
throughwi tht hedivorceandsi gnacont r
actthat
statedshewoul dn’
ttesti
fyagainsthim.Khenanwas
happyabouti tbutIwasnotconv i
nced.Shehad
somet hinguphersl eeveIwaswat chi
ngher .Isti
ll
i
nv it
edhert ot hepart
y.Khenanhadbeenoutoft he
count r
yf or2weeksnowandt hatreal
lyhelpedme
planev erything,butImissedhi m somuch.
Thatnightwehadsupperwi t
hKal isa,theyboth
cookeddi ff
erentdishes.Havi
ngt hesewomen
aroundwasnotgoodf orme, Ihaveal waysbeen
abletomai ntai
nmywei ght,
butsi ncet heMexi cotr
ip
Iwasl ett
inggo.Ihadt obuynewcl othesi twas
crazy,Iwasn’tactuall
yevenbot heredbyi twhich
wast hewei r
destpar tofi
tall
.Khenanl ovedit,he
askedt oseemyasseacht i
mewev ideocalled.

Wesatatt hetabl
edrinkingwi
neandhavingsupper,
therewasenought ofeedtenpeopl
e.Il
ovedhaving
thesewomenar oundt heymademelaugh,we
gossipedaboutevery
one.
Ci
ndy
:Sohav
eyout
oldhi
myet
?
Me:
Who?
Ci
ndy
:Khenan.
Me:NoIwantitt
obeasurpri
se,
ifIt
ell
him hewi
l
l
wantmetocancelev
ery
thi
ng.
Kal
i
sa:andhehat
espar
ti
es,
sopl
easekeepy
our
mouthshut
.
Ci
ndy
:Noaboutt
hebaby
.
Me:
Whatbaby
?
Ci
ndyj
ustl
aughed,
andsi
ppedherwi
ne.
Me:
CindyIam notpr
egnant
,Iam ont
hei
nject
ion.
Ci
ndy
:Ok.

Itookasi pofmywi nethi

nkingtomy self
…Iact uall
y
can’tremembert helastti
meIwentt ogogetmy
i
njection.Iexcusedmy sel
fandwentt omyof fice,I
checkedmydi aryandIhadski ppedthel asttwo
i
njections.Howcoul dIhaveletthishappen?I
remember editwasMar ques,Khensani andTar eck
andt henmyf ather;i
nthemi ddleofitallIforgott o
doev erythi
ngInor mall
ydo.ButIwasn’ tfeel
i
ngsi ck,
Ihavebeendr i
nkingandsmoki ngtil
lthisday ,no
wayIcannotbepr egnant
.

Idi
aledMbal
i
,“Baby
,wher
ear
eyou?
”
Mbal
i
:Justl
eav
ingt
heof
fi
ce,
what
’sup?
Me:
Pleasegetmeaf
ewpr
egnancyt
est
s.
Mbal
i
:Ohmywor
d…Ar
eyoubei
ngser
ious?
Me:
Shutupandgety
ourassher
e.
Mbal
i
:Al
ri
ghtwi
l
lbet
her
ejustnow.

Iwal kedbacki ntothedi nningroom, Ididn’

tknow
whet hert ofi
nishdrinkingmywi neornot .Ci
ndyand
Kali
sal ookedatmequi zzical
ly,andthencontinued
witht heirconversat
ion.Ist ar
tedclearingoutthe
table,luckil
yMbal iwast herein20mi nutest
ime,
“Didy ouguy sjusthav eapar tywithoutme? ”
Me:
Focus,
didy
oubr
ingi
t?
Her:arethoseempanadas,
OMGenchi
l
adas;
and
youwonderwhyyougetti
ngfat
.
Me:
Mbal
i
!!Test
s!!
Shespokewi thhermout hfullandpoint
edatherbag.
Igott hephar macypacketandwentt omybedr oom.
Ididn’tknowwhet hert
otellKhenanbeforeIdi
dt he
testornot .Idecidednotto.Iwentint
othebathroom
andt ookonet est,
Iwait
edf or5minsandchecked,
negati
ve.Well
thatwasarel
i
ef,Mbal
iwalkedin
“and?
”Ishookmyhead;shelookedatt
het est
,
“l
ooksal i
tt
lef
aintt
ome.”
Me:
What
?Iti
ssay
ingIam notpr
egnant
,negat
ive.
Mbal
i
:Takeanot
herone.
Me:
Idon’
tneedt
opee
Mbal
i
:Wel
ldr
inksomewat
er.
Me:
Whyy
ouonmycase?
Mbal
i:It
hinkwej
ustneedclearr
esul
ts,
youbeen
st
uff
ingyourf
acel
ikeapig.Soyoucoul
djustbe
pr
egnant!
Me:
Idr
ankagl
assofwat
er.
Fewminut
esl
aterIwentt
opeeont hest
ick,
Mbal
i
wasl
aughi
ng,
“Bit
chyoupregnant
.”
Igotupandt
hrewt
het
estather
,“i
nyourf
ace
bit
ch.
”
Mbal
i
:Real
l
yinmyf
ace,
youdi
sgust
ing!
Sheheldt
het
esti
nherhandandsmi
l
ed,
“Ar
eyou
happy
?”
Me:Yeah,Ican’
tbehavi
ngababy .Ihavealotgoi
ng
on.Andbythelooksoft
hingst
her emightbea
possi
bil
i
tyofKhenanandIgett
ingmar ri
ed.
Mbali
:Your
eal
l
ythi
nkt
hatKhensani
isgoi
ngt
olet
t
hisgo?
Me:Idon’tknowIdon’
ttr
ustt
hisgi
rl
,butIt
hinkher
andTareckareuptosomethi
ng.
Mbali
:Leavethem,
don’
tpushforany
thi
ng.Wai
tand
seewhatKhenanhaspl
anned.Whenishecomi
ng
backanyways?
Me:3daysbeforehisbi
rt
hday
.Heissogrumpyaft
er
t
ravel
li
ng;
Idon’tknowhowheisgoingt
oreactt
o
t
his.
[
11/
23,
16:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode35

*
***
***
***
***
***Khenan *
***
***
***
***
***

Al
lIcoul
dthi
nkaboutwasThando,shewasgoi
ngt
o
ki
l
lmewhenIgotback.Isati
nthecarwit
hJames
whil
ewedrovet
othepri
son,t
hisheatwas
unbearable.Idon’tknowhowshesur v
ivedthi
s
weather,sheget ssoeasil
yir
ri
tat
ed.Ichuckl
edto
myself,“
Whaty oulaughi
ngabout?”
Me:
Not
hing,
Ijustmi
ssThando.
James:Wel
l,
Ihavenocomment.Shewil
lmur
der
youassoonasyoust
epint
othathouse.
Wel aughedanddr ovetothepr i
son; wespentan
hourandahal fi
nthereandthenwentbackt ot he
hotel .Wehadsupperatt hehot elrestaurant
, and
slept .Wehadahect icdaytomor rowwor ki
ngona
veryt ightschedul
e,nothi
ngcoul dgowr ong.We
neededt obeheadingbackt oSout hAf ri
ca,intheair
nol at ert
han12h00.Igotat extfrom Zenonandt hen
wentt osleep.

*
***
***
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

Khenanwasl andingin4hours,andboywasI
exci
ted.Iwokeup, gotcl
eanedupandwent
downstair
s.Cindywasalreadystar
ti
ngonbreakf
ast
,
Kali
sawassi t
ti
ngonthebarstoolbythekitchen
counterhav
ingtea.Whyshewasher eIdidn’tknow,
butIguessshekeptCindycompany,whichkepther
outofmyhai r
.
Me:
Smel
l
sgood,
whaty
oumaki
ng?
Ci
ndy
:Lunchf
orwhent
heguy
sar
ri
ve.
Me:i
t’
sjustKhenan,andhewil
lbetoot
ir
edfrom t
he
t
ri
p.Hedoesn’teatwhenheisint
hatst
ate,
hewill
j
ustwanttosl
eep.
Ci
ndyj
ustshr
uggedandcont
inuedcooki
ng,
“ther
eis
br
eakf
astf
oryouint
hewarmed.”
Me:ThanksbutIj
ustwanttopi
ckupKhenan’
sgi
ft
.
Hav
ey ouheardanyt
hingf
rom t
hepr
ison?
Ci
ndy
:Pr
ison?
Isweart hiswomanf orgotmyfathertheminuteshe
steppedi ntoSout
hAf r
ica,“
Yes,aboutyourhusband,
myf ather…r ememberhim?”
Ci
ndy:Ohdon’
tyouworr
yaboutZee,
hei
sfi
ne.You
wi
llgett
ospeaktohi
m soon.
Idi
dn’
twantt
ofi
ghtwi
thhersoIj
ustl
eftt
hem as
theywere.Imademywaytot hehar
bor
,andther
e
shewas.Shewasbeauti
ful;
Inamedheraft
ermy sel
f
j
ustforcontr
ol‘
QueenThando’

Iwal kedont othey achtandwal kedar oundt hedeck

thenwentdownbel ow; Khenanwasgoi ngt olove
this.Itisper fect
, andaf terheboughtmet hehouseI
hadt odosomet hingtot ophisgift.Ever ythingwas
i
npl ace; theplani sforust ocomeher eaf t erthe
par ty.Ileftthehar borandpi ckedupourout fi
tsf or
Sat urday ,IgotKal i
saandCi ndyout f
it
st oo.WhenI
gothome, t
herewasonl yanhourbef oreKhenangot
home.Ci ndywasdr esseduppr ett
y,whi chIdi dn’t
under stand.Whywasshel ooki
nghotf ormy
husband, andshehadcookedabi gluncht his
womanwasact ingst r
ange.Iwal kedt ot hef ri
dge
andgotabot tl
eofbubbl yandpour edagl ass, Kal i
sa
wassi t
tingoutsideint hesunwi t
habot tleofwi ne.I
wal kedoutt oherandshequi cklyputouther
cigar ette,butthemi nuteIgott oherIcoul dsmel l
weed, “
Kal i
saarey ousmoki ngweedi nmyhouse? ”
Kal
i
sa:
Ithel
psmer
elax(
shewav
edherhandatme)
Me:Arenty
out
oool
dtobeexper
iment
ingwi
tht
his
shi
t?
Kal
i
sa:Ohhoney
,toool
d?That
’swhenIneedi
tthe
most;
you’
l
lseewhenyou’
remyage.
Me:
HaIdoubt
.
Il
itmyci
gar
ett
eandsatdownnexttoher
;she
l
ookedatmeandshookherhead.
Kali
sa:Youcomplai
ningaboutmesmoki
ngweed
butyousmokingall
thesechemical
s.
Me:Idon’
tsmokeal
lthet
ime,
onl
ywhenIam
dr
inki
ng.
Kal
i
sa:
Andy
ou’
real
way
sdr
inki
ng.
Me:
Wel
ll
ookatt
hat
,theket
tl
ecal
l
ingt
hepotbl
ack.
Kal
isa:
Youbeststopnowchi l
d,yousti
l
l needto
hav
ebabies.Thatshi
tisn’
theal
thyforyou,st
opit.
Ifi
nishedmyci garett
eandwentbacki nsideto
change;thewomeni nthishousearegoingcrazy
.I
want ednopartofit.Itookaquickshowerandput
onsexyl i
ngeri
e,Iwor eablackshortdr
essand
sandals.Ihear
dt hegat eopeni
ng,t
heywer eearl
y;I
ti
edmyhai rinahighbunandr andownst airstothe
frontdoor.Cindywasalreadyatthefrontdoor
waiti
ngf orthecartopark,shelookedmor eexcited
thanme.Thecarpar kedandChar l
iewalkedar ound
andopenedt hedoor,Khenansteppedout .Iranto
him andjustasIgott ohim Zenonsteppedoutof
thecarandIf r
oze.
Ci
ndy
:Ther
ehei
s.
Sher anupt ohi m andt heyki ssed, whatt hehell was
goingon, di
dKhenanandJamesbr eakmyf atherout
ofpr i
son.Icoul dn’
tf eelmyl egssoIsatdownandi t
startedagai n,Iwasshaki ngandcoul dn’tbreathe;
tearswer erol
lingdownmycheeksandIcoul dn’ttalk.
Every onewaspani ckingapar tfrom Kal i
sa.Icoul d
hearherv oicetelli
ngt hem tobackaway ;shecame
overt omeandmademedr inksomet hing.Icoughed;
i
tt astedl i
keshi t,“
keepi tdown. ”Andshemademe
drinkagai n.Imusthav efal
lenasl eepbecauset he
nextt hingIknewIwokeupi nmybedr oom wi t
ha
throwov ermybody .Khenangotupf rom t hechai r
andsatont hebednextt ome, “
y ouscar edmebaby ,
arey oual ri
ght?”Inodded, “
pl easet ellmeIj usthada
baddr
eam.
”
Khenan:
Baby
,Icanexpl
ain.
Isatup, “Khenant el
lmet hatZenonwasr eleased
fr
om prison!Tel lme!!”hejustlookedatmeand
didn’
tsayany thi
ng,Igrabbedmyhead.Khenant r
ied
totouchme, “Don’tyoudar e,whatthehellKhenan.
Doy our eali
zewhaty ouhav edone?Andy oubr ing
him here?Tomyhouse, thatmakesmeaf ucking
accompl ice,youwantt ogot oj ai
l
?Yout hinkZenon
i
sgoi ngt obreaky ououtofpr ison?Idon’tthi
nkso;
hedoesn’ tknowy oufrom abarofsoap! !
”
Igotupandpacedar oundthebedr oom;Iopenedmy
l
aptopandwentont otheinter
net.Headli
nesread
thatZenonwasdead3day sago, andthenothers
weresayingheescapedprisoninabodybag.
Me: Khenanwhatthefuck,soy
ouwentt oMexi coto
breakhim outofpr
ison?Andyouliedt
omet he
wholetime.DoesCindyknow?Isthatthereasonshe
camebackwi t
hus?Sheknewal l
alongdidn’tshe?
Khenan:
SitdownandIwi
l
ltel
lyouev
ery
thi
ng.
Iwal
kedoutmybedr
oom anddownt
othel
ounge.
Zenonwassit
ti
ngwit
hCindyandKali
saatthedi
ning
room t
abl
eeati
ngt
hefeastshehadprepar
edear
li
er.
Zenon:
Not
hando,
mybaby
.
Me:
Getoutofmyhouse,
go!
!Al
lofy
ou!
Zenon:
Baby
,It
houghty
ouwoul
dbehappyt
osee
me.
Ci
ndy
:Comeeatwi
thus.
Me:Youinv
iti
ngmetoeatmyf ood,
inmyhouse?
You’
resi
ckyouknowthat,
Iletyoui
ntomyhouse
andyoul
ietome.Youhavebeenhereforweekson
endandyoucoul
dn’
ttel
lmewhatwasgoi ngon?
Zenon:Si
tdownandIwi
l
lexpl
ainev
ery
thi
ngt
oyou
baby.
Me:
Isai
dgetout
,al
lofy
ou!
Khenan:
Baby
,pl
easej
ustl
i
stent
ous,
hearusout
.
Iwassopi ssedof
f,Ipi
ckedupmycarkey sandran
outthehouseandgotintomymust angandspedoff.
Idrovesofastandwenttotheyacht,
Iwassomad.I
wentdownbel owandgotsomechampagnef r
om
thebarfr
idgeanddrankstr
aightf
rom thebot
tl
e,I
gotcigarettesandwentt ositont hedeck.Iwas
cryi
ngsohar d,Ismokedanddr ank.Iwasn’tsure
real
lyast owhyIwast hismad, butIfeltsoused.
Cindycamei ntomyhomeandwaspl ayingmommy
tome.Meanwhi l
etheygotmyboy fri
endt ofly
half
wayacr ossthewor l
dt obr eakthebi ggest
cri
minal i
nhi stor
youtofpr ison.Howwasanyoft his
benefici
altome?Di danyoft hem considerhowany
ofthiswoul dmakemef eel
, didtheythinkhewoul d
comeoutofpr i
sonandwewoul dallbeonehappy
family?Ididn’tunderst
andanyofi t.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.Dr
opal
i
keandcomment
[
11/
23,
16:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode36and37

*
***
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
**

Khenan:
Iknewt hi
swasabigmist
akeitwast
oo
soon.Weshouldhavewai
tedanddi
scussedt
hings
wit
hherfir
st.
Ci
ndy
:Youseehowshei
s,shewasnev
ergoi
ngt
o
al
l
owit.
Khenan:
Butweshoul
dhav
ewai
ted.
Idrovet
omyhouse, andshewasn’tther
e,Ihadno
i
deawher eshewouldbe.Hephonewasbackatt he
houseandev eni
fshehadi tt
her
ewasnowasshe
wasgoingtopickup.Idi
aledMbali
,“He,howare
you.”
Mbal
i
:I’
m goodhowar
eyou?
Me:
IsThandot
her
ewi
thy
ou?
Mbal
i
:No,
whywhat
’swor
ng.
Me:
Shei
smadandshej
ustdr
oveof
f,don’
tyou
knowwher
eshecoul
dbe?
Mbal
i
:I’
l
ltal
ktot
hegi
rl
sandgetbackt
oyou.
Me:
Thanks.

Idrovetobot htherestaur
antsandshewasn’ tthere,
shewasn’ tatheroffi
ceeitherandnotather
favouri
tespotatt hebeach.NowIwaspani cking.I
drovetothegl asshouse;Istoodatt hegat e,and
real
izedIdidn’thavemykey swi thme.Gosht hisis
suchamess, Ijumpedov erthegat eandwenti n,asI
walkedtowar dsthehouseal lt
hel i
ghtswer eof f,t
he
doorswer elockedandsower eallthewi ndows.I
checkedev erywhereandnot hi
ng.Igotbackt ot he
carwithamessagef rom Mbali:IthinkIknowwher e
sheis,I’
l
lcallyouwhenIhav eher.
Ididn’trepl
y,Iwentbackt
othehouse.Everyone
seemedal r
ightandnotev
enbotheredapartfr
om my
mot herwhowassi t
ti
ngonthecouchcurledupina
blanket.Shelookedupatme,“anyluck?
”
Ishookmyheadandshel
ookedbackdown,
“Mom,
areyouok?
”
Kali
sa:youseewhaty ouhav edone?Youguy s
shouldn’
thavedonethingsthisway.Somethingisn’t
ri
ght,yousawhowsher eact
ed.Whatifitki
l
ledher ?
Nowshei ssomewher eoutt her
e,al
oneandscar ed
becausethemanshel ov esdidsomethi
ngsost upid.
Youbet t
erhopefory
oursakeshei sal
ri
ght.
BeforeIcouldevenanswershegotupandwent
outsi
de.Ididn’
tknowwhet hertofol
lowherornot.I
wentupt oourbedroom andsatont hebed,Idi
dn’t
real
izehowt i
redIwas.Ihadahect i
ccoupleof
weeksandt ocomebackt ot hi
sdrama,itwasall
j
ustt oomuch.Itookashowerandl ayonthebedi n
myt owelandsoondosedof f.Iwaswokenupbymy
phoner i
ngi
ng; i
twasMbali,“Hel
lo.
”
Mbali
:I’
m wi
thThando(
shewaswhi
speri
ng)shewil
l
spendtheni
ghtatmypl
acet
henwil
ldr
iveherback
tomorr
owmor ni
ng.
Me:
Alr
ight
,thanky
ou.CanIspeakt
oher
?
Mbali:
shewasdrunkwhenIgottoher
,shei
s
passedoutnow,
will
seeyouinthemorni
ng.
Me:
Thanks,
bye.
Il
ookedatt het i
me, i
twas21h00, andIwashungr y.I
gotdr essedandwal keddownstairs.Everyonewas
sl
eepi ng;Iwar medupf oodandt ookabeerupst ai
rs.
Iateandgoti ntobed.Ilookedthrought hepi ctureof
ust ogether,shewasal wayssohappy .Sheseemed
sohappybef oreIcameal ong,andnowi t’
sj ustt ears
andf i
ght i
ng.Ihav en’
tboughtanyhappi nesst oher
l
ife,andIdon’ twantt oberereasonf orherhur t.I
j
ustwant edtohel pandmakeherhappybyhel ping
bringherf at
hert oherbutIfuckedt hatupt oo.
Thei mageofhershaki ngandcr yingthatafternoon
sentshi ver
sdownmyspi ne.May beKal i
sawasr i
ght
somet hingiswr ong.Iendedupi ntears,
Iwentt ot he
bathroom towashmyf ace, Iwipedwi ththepaper
towel andjustasIt hrewi tint hebi nsomet hi
ng
caughtmyey e.Iopenedt hebi nandf ound
pregnancyt ests.Ilookedatt her esult
swhi chIdidn’t
understand; t
hei nstr
uctionl eafletwasn’tinthebin.
Shecoul dbepr egnantanddr inking,whatifher
episodecausesami scarriage?Iwal kedtoKal i
sa’s
room andknocked.Shedi dn’tanswersoIl efther;I
wentbackupst airstogoogl e; whi chshowedmet he
test
swer enegat
ive.Butwhywasshet akingatest
becauseshealway sgotthei
njecti
on.Gosh, what
wasgoingonher e,ever
ythi
ngisjustsof ucki
ng
confusi
ng!!
!

*
***
***
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
***
***
**
Iwokeupt henextmor ningwi t
hapoundi ng
headacheandMbal i
’sl
egwr appedar oundme.She
wassnor i
ngwor set hanKhenan; Imanagedt oget
outfrom underherandi nt
oherbat hroom.Iwashed
myf aceandt ookt wopanados.Iputonherr oband
headeddownst airs,Ineededwat er.Ilooked
everywheref ormyphoneonl ytoreali
zeIhadl ef
tit
athomewhenIr ushedout .Theevent sofy est er
day
werepl ayi
ngi nmyheadandIj ustgotpi ssedof f
again.Ilookedatt het i
meandi twast ooear lyt o
wakeMbal iup, Iwenti ntohermai nbedr oom t olook
forhercarkey sandf oundMdui nbed.Shi t
, shewas
withhim andIi nt erruptedthem.Hewokeupj ustasI
waswal ki
ngout ,“Thando.”
Me:
sor
ryt
owakey
ou,
Ijustneededsomet
hing.
Hi
m:What
?
Me:Mbal
i
’scarkey
s,Iwantt
ogethomeanddi
dn’
t
wantt
owakeher.
Hi
m:Wher
eisshe?
Me:
Spar
ebedr
oom.
Hegotoutofbedandhandedmehiscarkey
s,“
her
e
t
akemycarandI ’
l
lgetmydri
vert
opickmeup.
Me:
Thanks,
tel
lherI
’
llcal
lherl
ater
.
Hewal kedt othespar ebedr oom tojoinher.AndI
l
eftinherr obeliket hat,Iwast ir
ed;Ijustneededt o
showerandgetsomer est.Idrovehomeandwent
upstair
s, Khenanwasf astasleep.Iwentt otakea
showerandchangedi ntomypaj amasandgoti n
nexttohi m.Iwasmadathi m butImi ssedhi m so
much, andIknowt hewhol eescapewasn’ thisidea
soIcoul dn’tbemadathi m compl et
ely.Igotintothe
coversandputhi sar m aroundme, “yousmel ll
ikea
tavern.
”Hechuckl edandki ssedmyhead, “Iwasso
wor r
iedabouty ou.”
Me:
I’
mfi
ne;
Ijustneededt
obeal
one.
Him:Iunder
stand,
andIam sosor
ryf
orkeepi
ngthi
s
awayfrom y
ou.Idi
dn’
thavemuchofanopti
on.
Me:
We’
l
ltal
kabouti
twhenwegetup.
Hi
m:Imi
ssedy
ousomuch.
Me:
Imi
ssedy
out
oo.
Hi
m:Igoty
ousomet
hing.
Me:
Whenwewakeup.
Hekissedmyheadandwesoondosedof f
,wewoke
uptoaknockat10am anditwasKali
saj ust
checki
ngup.Shel
ookedsot i
redandwor ri
ed,l
ike
shehadagedahundredyearssinceyest
erday.She
l
eftusandwestayedinbedal i
tt
lewhil
elonger.
Khenanexpl ainedt omehowZenonwant edtoget
outaftermeet ingme, hefeltl
ikehehadsomet hi
ng
toli
vef ornow.Zenonhadf el
tguil
tyfornotbeingin
myl i
feallthosey earsandf el
tthatnowhecoul d
makei tupt ome.Theyal lagr
eenott otel
lme
becauseIwasgoi ngtotryandstopthem.James
askedKhenant ohelpbecausehecoul dnottrust
anybodyel se.Sot heyall
wentt oMexi co,
inthe
vi
sit
ingr
oom theygaveZenonadr ugthatsl
owed
downhispulseandmadei tseem l
ikehewasdead.
Thedoctorwhoexaminedhim wasbr i
bedandthey
managedtosneakhim outofthecountry
.Theyhad
togetCi
ndyoutofthecountrybecauseshewould
bethenumberonsuspect,sotheyboughtherhere
towaitf
ortheplant
obeexecut ed.

Iwasmadthatt
heydidn’tt
ell
me,andf
eltthatIl
ived
wit
habunchofl
iars.I
ftheycanl
i
eaboutthis,what
el
secoul
dtheyl
ieabout?
Me:Babywhati
fheisn’
tmyf
ather
?Andhej
ustused
ust
ogetoutofjai
l
?
Khenan:YouthinkIwasgoingt ohel
pamanoutof
prisonwi
thoutchecki
ngallofthatout.IranaDNA
testandi
tconfirmedthatheisyourfather.
Me:
How?When?
Him:Igotasampl eofy ourhai
rfr
om yourbrushand
sentitf
ortest
ing.Ineededtomakesur eheisyour
realf
atherbef
orewepl annedanythi
ng.Sonowhe
owesmeone, whichmeanswhenIaskf ory
ourhand
i
nmar
ri
agehecannotsayno…haha.
Me:
Mci
mist
hatal
lyout
hinki
ngabout
.
Hi
m:No,
butt
hati
sapr
ior
it
yaf
termydi
vor
ce.
Me:
Ify
ougetdi
vor
ced.
Hi
m:I
twi
l
lhappen.Nowt
ell
me,
pregnancyt
est
s?
Me:
Longst
ory
.
Hi
m:Ihav
eal
lday
.
Me: Well
Cindywasconv i
ncedIwaspregnant
becauseofthewei ghtgai
n.WhenIcheckedI
actual
lymissedtwoappoi nt
mentsformyinjecti
on
soIwasst art
ingtopanic.Butt
heywerenegat i
ve.
Hi
m:Soy
ou’
dpani
cifwef
ell
regnant
?
Me:
Wehav
en’
tpl
annedf
ori
t.
Hi
m:Whati
sther
etopl
anf
or?
Me:Ican’
thav
eababydaddyr
unningar
ound
r
escuingcr
imi
nal
sandsel
li
ngdrugs.
Hepi
nchedmeplayf
ull
y,andki
ssedme.Westay
ed
i
nbedawhil
elonger
,Idi
dn’twantt
ogofacet
he
gang.Ci
ndycameupwi thbreakf
astf
ori
tanddidn’
t
sayanyt
hingaboutyest
erday’
sevent
.Wewatcheda
mov i
eanddosedoffagain.
Laterthatdayweev ent
ual
lybathedandwent
downst air
s,everyonewaswat chingamov i
esowe
wentt ojointhem.Isatnextt oZenon; hej
usttook
myhandandki ssedi tt
hencontinuedwat chi
ngt he
mov ie.Laterwewentt odi
nneratoneofmy
restaurants,MduandMbal ij
oinedup.Zeewas
excitedtomeett hepeopl einmyl i
fe.Wenev er
spokeaboutwhathappenedt hatday ,
whichwasok
withme.Ij ustwant edtoforgetitandmov eonasa
fami l
y.

Thedayoft hepar tyeventual

lycameandIwokeup
asnormal,Ididn’twishKhenanahappybi r
thdayand
hedi
dn’tseem t omi nd.ZenonandCi ndymov edi
nto
oneofKhenan’ sv acantfl
ats,t
hatwaywehadour
ownspace.Khenancamedownt hestai
rs,
“don’
t
makebreakf astforme, I
’l
lgrabsomet hi
ngatwork.”
Me:
Babyi
t’
stheweekend.
Hi
m: Iwon’tbetheretool
ong,andy
ousai
dwehav
e
t
hatgall
eryopeningtodayr
ight?
Me:
Yeah,
wil
lseey
oul
ater
.
Hehadcompletel
yf or
gott
enthatitwashi
sbirt
hday.
Goshmensomet i
mes.Imadeasmoot hi
eanddi d
thel
aundr
y,andcleanedupabit.Iqui
ckl
ydroveto
thegl
asshouseandev er
ythi
ngwasonpoi nt
.
Ever
yoneconfi
rmedt obether
e.Iwenttothesal
on
todomyhairandheadedbackhome.
Khenancamebackwhi
l
eIwasintheshower
,he
j
oinedmeandweshoweredt
oget
her.
Khenan:BabyIdon’
tknowwhatt
oweart
oni
ght
,do
weev enhavetogo?
Me:ofcour
sewehavetogo.Wecanspendaf
ew
hour
sthencomebackhome.
Hesatont
hebedl
ooki
ngdepr
essed,
“whyt
hel
ong
f
ace?”
Hi
m:Di
dyouknowt
odayi
smybi
rt
hday
?
Me:
Ha,
babehowcoul
dIf
orget
?
Hi
m:If
orgot
,andy
oudi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ng.
Me:
Ihav
easur
pri
sef
ory
ouaf
tert
heopeni
ng.
Iwalkedint
otheclosetandcamebackwi thhi
stux,
andkissedhim onthefor
ehead,“
Stopacti
ngli
kea5
yearold.
”Isatdownandst ar
teddoi
ngmymakeup, I
fi
xedmyhai randputonagol ddr
ess.Wegotinto
thecaranddroveoff,“
Baby,canwejustpassbythe
glasshousefi
rst,
Ineedtogetsomething.
”
Him:Yousee,
youhadal
ldaytodot
hisandyou
choosenowtogo?Nobaby,
youcangeti
ttomorr
ow.
Me:
Babyi
t’
simpor
tant
,Ineedi
tfort
oni
ght
.
Hedrovegrumpytothenewhouse, Ij
ustlaughedto
mysel
f.Wegotthereandthestreetwasfullofcar
s,
wedroveinandhi
sey eswidened.
Hi
m:Babe,
what
’st
his?
Me:
HappyBi
rt
hdayHoney
.
Wepar
kedandheopenedt
hedoorf
orme,
“you
knowy
oudidn’
thav
etodothi
sri
ght
?”
Me:
shutupandki
ssme.
Heki
ssedmeont hel i
psandwewalkedinsi
de,t
he
wai
tr
essesser
vedwi neandchampagneallar
ound
t
heroom.Hisf
acelitupwhenhesawt heart,
“Baby
,
i
sthi
s….?”
Me:Yesbaby
,Qui
ntonTor
ell
o.Andhei
sher
eto
meetyou.
Hi
m:Babyno!
Me:
Yes, l
ookher
e;hepai
ntedt
hisonespeci
fi
cal
l
y
f
oryou.Thisi
smyfavor
it
eone.
Hi
m:DoIgett
okeepal
loft
hese,
forr
eal
?
Inodded;hepickedmeupandspunmear ound.And
placedmedown, “
youar
ethebest
.Thi
sisthebest
birt
hdayever
.”
Wewal kedov ertoTor el
laandintroducedthem and
wentt omi ngl
ewi t
ht heotherguests.Ever
yonewas
havingagoodt i
me; Ispott
edKalisasitt
ingbyhersel
f
outside.Igott woglassesofchampagneandwal ked
overandsatnextt oher .Ihandedheagl ass,she
tur
nedar oundandl ookedatme; “
y oudidgreatbaby
gir
l,thi
sisper fect.
”
Me:
ThanksMah,
Itr
ied.
Kal
i
sa:
Hel
ovesy
ou,
youknowt
hatr
ight
.
Me:
YesMah,
Iknow.
Kali
sa: St
ickbyhi m;heneedsy ourguidancet
odo
therightthings.Hewantstomakey ouhappy,
may behei sn’tgoi
ngaboutittherightwaybutheis
try
ing.Ihav eneverseenhim putt
ingsomuchi nt
oa
rel
ationship.Sotryfor
giv
inghim whenhemesses
up,teachhi mt heri
ghtway.
Me:
Iwi
l
ltr
y.
Kali
sa:NowIneedtogethomeI ’
mt i
red.Wal
kmet o
thecarpl
ease,
tel
lKhenanIwil
lseehimt omor
row
andhemustenjoytherestoft
henight.

IwalkedKal i
sat othecarandkissedhergoodnight,
Charli
edr oveoffandIwalkedbacki nsi
de.Igrabbed
aglassandwal kedtothelandi
ngont hestair
sand
gentlyhitthegl
asswi t
haf orkj
usttogetev er
yone’s
att
ent i
on.Everyonegatheredar
oundl ooki
ngupat
me, Khenanr i
ghtinthecentrewitht
hespotl i
ghton
hi
m.
Istarted,
“Thanky ouallforcomi ngouttocelebrate
tonightwithus.Tonighttookal ottoputtogetherfor
myar tlovi
ngboy fri
end,butafterseei
nghisreact i
on
i
twaswor thit.Baby,Ij
ustwantt osaythatthelitt
le
moment sthatIspendwi thyou,makemyl i
fe
beautiful
,daybyday .
Everygi
rli
slooki
ngforapr
incei
nshini
ngarmor,
exceptme!Andthati
sbecauseIhav
ealreadyf
ound
him.
Youtolerat
emymoodswi ngs,mytant
rumsandpul
l
meupwhenI ’
m down.Youaremysourceof
i
nspir
ationandhappi
ness;wel
lmostofthet
ime.
(Ev
eryonechuckl
ed)
Sot odayi
nf r
ontofourf
amil
yandfr
iendswantt
o
thankGodf orbr
ingi
ngsuchawonderf
ulper
sonmy
way .
(
Irai
sedmygl
ass)
Happybir
thdayKhenanDeCost
a,wi
shi
ngy
oumany
more.Il
oveyou.(Andbl
ewhim aki
ss)
Everyonecl apped; Khenanwal kedupt othelandi
ng
andkissedmei nfrontofev er
yone.Hedi dn’
tgivea
speechbutj usttoldeveryonethanky ouandasked
them toenj oyther estofthepar t
y.Peopledrank;
danceat eandadmi r
edthear t
.Allinalli
twasa
greatnight,Tar eckwast herewithKhensani; t
hey
seemedhappyanddi dn’
tcauseanyt rouble.Peopl
e
werest ar
tingt oleaveonebyoneandMbal iandMdu
weret helastt oleave.
Khenan:
Babyal
lIwanti
stot
akey
ouupst
air
sand
makelovet
oyou.
Me:
No,
onemor
esur
pri
se.
Khenan:
Ther
eismor
e?

Ij
umpedi nt
othedri
ver
’sseatofthecarandhe
hoppedinnextt
ome.Ipulledoutofthedri
veway
andhandedhim bl
i
ndfolds.
Khenan:
Ist
hisr
eal
l
ynecessar
y?
Me:
Baby
,foroncej
ustdoasy
ou’
ret
old.Andhand
mey
ourcel
lphone.

Iswi
tchedbothourcel
lsoffanddr
oveoff
,we
chat
tedalongthewayabouthowexci
ti
ngitwast
o
meetTorell
o.20minut
eslaterwewer
eatthehar
bor
.
Khenan:
Areweatt
hebeach?
Me:
Somet
hingl
i
ket
hat
,youcangetout
.

Hegotoutandputhishandsoutt r
y i
ngtofeelf
or
anyt
hingnearhi
m, Il
aughed.Ihel
dhi shandandled
hi
mt othedock,“
Youcant akeoffthebli
ndfol
d.”
Her emoveditandlookedatme;Ipoi
ntedmyey es
t
owar dstheboat.Heturnedar
ound,helookedatt
he
yachtandthenbackatme, “Wher
earewegoi ng?”
Me:
Nowher
etoday
,butwhenev
ery
ouwantust
ogo
wewil
l
.
Helookedatmequi
zzi
cal
l
y,andIpoi
ntedt
othe
name,“i
t’
syour
sbaby.
”
Khenan:
Nobaby
,Ican’
t.
Me:
Yesy
oucan.
Hewassoexcitedandatearroll
eddownhischeek.
Hejustst
oodthereanddi
dn’tknowwhattosay.I
l
eanedinandkissedhi
m,“Happybir
thdaymylove.
”
Iheldhishandandt ookhi m ont
otheboatandwe
l
ookedar ound, Igottwochampagnegl assesand
champagnef r om thefr
idgeandwepoppedi topen.
Wespentt her estoftheni ghtmakingl ov eand
dri
nking;wef ellasl
eepi neachother’sar msand
wokeupt omor elovemaki ng.Weev ent uallyslept
around6am, wesl eptin.Ihadorgani zedbr eakfast
onthedeck; IleftKhenani nbedandwentupt oset
up.Thesunwasup, itwasabeaut iful day .Iwent
downandgotKhenanandweat e,andgotr eadyt o
l
eav e;i
twasal ready1pm.
Khenan:
Babyhav
eyouseenmyphone?
Me:
Ilef
tthem i
nthecar
.
Khenan:
Shi
t,wasexpect
ingacal
lfr
om Chi
na.
Me:Sorry,
Ijustwant
edsomeal
onet
imewi
thno
di
srupt
ions.
Khenan:
I’
ll
cal
lthem back,
it’
sal
ri
ghtl
et’
sgo.

Wegott ot
hecarandKhenandr oveandIswi t
ched
onhisphone, andthenmi ne.Thephoneswer e
beeping,messageaf termessage.Ichecked
Khenan’sphone, missedcallsfrom Khensani,
Tareck
evenhismom.Il i
stenedtot hevoicemail
s,Ihad13
ofthem.Firstmessage, Tareck,“Thandowher ear
e
youguy s?Ican’tgetaholdofKhenan.Pl easecall
wheny ougett hi
s,it
’surgent.”
Secondmessage,Kal
isa,
“Thandoyouguysneedt
o
getbackf
rom whereyouare.Lakhi
wehasbeen
admitt
edi
ntohospit
al.
”
Icutt
hecal
l
,“Baby
,it
’sLakhi
we.
”
Khenan:
Whathappened?
Me:
He’
sinhospi
tal
.
Idi
aledKal
i
sa,“
Mah,sorryourphoneswereof
f
wherearey
ou…….okthankswill
seeyouinabit
.”
“
TheyareatRondebosch,
”Irepor
tedbacktoKhenan.
Hespeddowntheroad,helookedsoworri
ed.He
wasquiett hewhol eway .Wegott othehospi taland
wentinsidewewer eshownt othepedi atri
cwar d,the
wholefami lywast here.Khensani rancryinginto
Khenan’sar msandst ar t
edcr yi
ng.Iknowhewas
thei
rson, butIcouldn’thelpbutf eelj
ealous.The
wayhecomf ortedher,Iquickl
ygotov eritand
walkedov ertoKal i
sa.Shequi ckl
yf il
l
edmei nwi th
whathadhappened, “
Butt hekidswer en’tsupposed
tobeheret il
l nextweek.”
Kali
sa:Khensanif
lewthem backear
ly,
thi
ssei
zur
e
happenedjustastheyl
anded.
Me:
Whatdoest
hedoct
ort
hinkhei
s?
Kal
isa:
Theyarest
il
lrunni
ngt
est
s,t
heyhav
en’
ttol
d
usanythi
ng.

Wesatdown, Ihadt owatchKhensani hangingal

l
overmymanandIcoul dn’
tsayany t
hingaboutit.
Tareckwasdisgustedandhewal kedout ,If
oll
owed
him out
sideandfoundhim smoking,“Youhav eone
forme?”
Hehandedmeaci
gar
ett
eandl
i
titf
orme,
west
ood
i
nanawkwar
dsi
l
ent
.
ME:
Mustsuckseei
ngt
hem l
i
ket
hat
.
Tar
eck:
Ohwhat
ever
,shewi
l
lal
way
srunbackt
ohi
m.
Me:
Howl
onghav
eyouguy
sbeent
oget
her
?
Tareck:
It’
sal
ongst
ory
,butl
ongbef
oreherand
Khenan.
Me:
How?
Tar
eck:
LikeIsai
d,i
t’
sal
ongst
ory
.
Me:
Doy
oul
oveher
?
Tar
eck:Thandopl
easejustsmokey
ourci
gar
ett
e
andleav
emei npeace.
Hewal kedawayfr
om wherewewer estandi
ng;I
fi
nishedmycigar
etteandwentbackinsi
de.
Khensaniwassti
ll
comf or
ti
ngKhensani,Iwal
ked
overtothem.
Me: Babe,
Ithi
nkIwi
llheadback;
I’
ll
bri
ngf
oodand
changeofclot
hesl
ater.
Khenan:
(standi
ngup)Nobabe,
youar
efami
l
y.I
wantyoutostay.
Khensani
:Lakhi
wei
sourson;
shedoesn’
tneedt
obe
her
e.
Khenan:
Please,
thi
sisn’
tthet
imef
ory
ourshi
t.
Khensani
:Shedoesn’
tbel
onghere;Idon’tev
en
knowwhyshestayedthi
slonganyway s.

Iwal
kedaway,Khenancameafterme,“Baby
,sheis
j
ustst
ressi
ngaboutLakhi
we.Don’tl
i
stentoher.
”
Me:
I’
ll
seey
oul
ater
.
[
11/
23,
16:
22]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode38

Iwalkedawayandhewal kedbackt ohisfamil

yand
satdownwi t
hKhensaniandsheputherheadonhi s
shoulder
.Idrov
ehomei ntears;Iwasbeingselfi
shI
know.ButKhensanishoul
dn’thavespokent ome
thatway,andKhenannevershouldhav eal
lowedit.I
gothomeandst art
edonameal thatIwouldtaketo
thehospit
al,
Ipouredchampagnewhi leIcooked.
Zenoncalledme,“
How’smybabygir
l.
”Ihadn’t
real
izedhowmuchIhavenegl
ect
edhim sincehegot
here.Ifel
tbad,
buti
twashi
sfaul
treal
ly.
ME:
Daddy
,howar
eyou?
Hi
m:I
’
m good.
Me:
Iwasj
ustaboutt
ocal
lyou.
Hi
m:Don’
tli
etome,y
ouhavebeenavoi
dingmel
i
ke
t
hepl
agueever
ysi
nceIcametoSA.
Me:Don’tbesi
ll
y,Iwasj
ustbusywi
ththepart
yand
ev
eryt
hinghenceIwasgoingtocal
lyoutoday
.
Hi
m:SowhencanIcomeov
er?
Me:Wellhowabouty
oucomenow,youcanhel
pme
cookandthenwecanhangout
.Howdoesthat
sound?
Hi
m:Thatsoundsgr
eat
,whatmustIbr
ing?
Me:
Your
sel
f.
Hi
m:Al
ri
ghtwi
l
lseey
oui
nabi
t.
ZenoncameassoonasIputt hepor kintheov en.
Wewentout sideandspokeaboutev eryt
hing.He
wassuchacr i
minalanditscar edme, hewasso
honestwi t
hev eryt
hing.Thedr ugshesol dandt he
peopleheki l
led.I
twasscar y,hehadconnect ions
everywhere.Hewasnowpl anningonsel li
nghi s
drugsinAf ri
ca;Idi
dn’tevenknowhowt or espondto
anythi
ngt hathewassay i
ngt ome.Ij ustsatthere
thi
nkingthatmyboy fr
iendisacr iminalandsowas
myf ather,Iwasdoomed.Imanagedt ochanget he
topi
candweendedupt al
kingaboutLakhi weandI
tol
dhi m abouttheKhensani situati
on.
Him:Whyi sthi
sgi
rlst
il
lev
enar
ound?Whydoesn’
t
hejustgetri
dofher
?
Me:
Ridofherhow?
Hi
m:Wel
lyouknow,
li
ker
idofher
.
Me:Dadser
iousl
y,y
ouwanthi
mtomur
derher
?That
i
sjustcr
azy
.
Him:Well,Iam j
ustsay
ingi
fIhadsomeoneso
dif
fi
culti
nmyl i
feIwouldpopthem assoonasIget
thechance.
Me:Thati
scr
azytal
k,comehelpmepackf
oodso
wecantakei
ttot
hehospit
al.
Hi
m:Youst
il
lfeedi
ngt
hem,
youhav
eagoodhear
t.

Ipunchedhi m play ful l

yandwewal kedt otheki tchen
andpacked.Weheadedt ot
hehospi t
alandt he
doctorwast al
kingt ot hem, Ididn’thearpr oper l
y
whatt heywer esay i
ngbutIhear dsomet hingabout
epil
epsy ,andcancer .Idi dn’
twantt opr ysoIst ayed
back.Iwaswat chi ngev eryt
hingandsawKal isa
coll
apseont ot hef loor ,thenur sescameandt ook
heraway .Khensani wasscr eami ngandTar eck
comf ort
edher .Khenancont i
nuedt alki
ngt othe
doctorwi thav er yst raightf aceandwast akingi n
everythi
ngt hedoct orwassay ingandaski ng
questions.Thedoct orl eftandhewal kedov ert o
Khensani ,hehel dhert ightbutdi dn’tbreakdown.
Thedoct orcamebackandl edt hem intothehospi tal
room wher eLakhi wewas.Zenonsi gnaledf orust o
go,andwel eft
.Idi dn’ twantt otalktohi m any mor e
sohedr oppedmeof fandwentbackt ohispl ace.I
gotintobedandt ex tedKhenan.
Khenanhadn’ trespondedt oanyofmyt exts,Ihadn’
t
heardfrom himi nday sandIneededt oknowwhat
wasgoi ngon.Iknewhehat edtakeoutsoImade
them food,Iwasn’tonl yt
hinkingaboutKhenan; but
Lakhiwet oo.Theboywasy oungandhewassi ck.
Eventhoughwewer en’tr
eallyclose,Ist
il
lcaredfor
theboy .Idi
dn’tthi
nkhewasgoi ngtobeabl etoeat
soIjustmadef oodf orKhensani andKhenan.Igot
dressedi nj
eansandal azyv estwithsandalsand
headedt othehospital.

Iarr
ivedjustasKhensaniwasexi
ti
ngLakhi
we’
s
room, “
Whatt hehel
larey
oudoingher
e?”
Me: Ij
ustcametoseehowy ouguysar
edoingandI
boughtyouguyssomefood.IknowKhenanis
probabl
yhati
ngthehospi
tal
f ood.
Ismil
edatherandhandedhert hebr
ownpaperbag,
shetookitandsteppedcl
osertomeandwhisper
ed,
“Getthehel
loutofhere,
andstayawayf
rom my
famil
y.”
Me:What?Areyouseri
ousl
ygoi
ngtobel
i
ket
his
r
ightnow?Ineedtospeakt
oKhenan.
Her
:Hei
ssl
eepi
ng.
Me:
Iwon’
ttakel
ong.
Her
:Hi
ssonisfight
ingf
orhi
sli
fe,
arey
ougoi
ngt
o
beabi
tchr
ightnow?
Me:
Tel
lhi
m Ist
oppedby
.

Whatt hehellwaswr ongwiththiswoman, Itooka

stepbackandwal kedaway.Ihadal umpi nmy
throat,butIwouldnotlett
hatwomanseemel ike
this.Igottothecarandbrokedown, whatwasgoi ng
on.Icr i
edharderanditbecamehar derformet o
breath,itwashappeningagain.Thetearswer e
rolli
ngdownmycheeksandIwasshaki ng,It
ri
edto
openmycardoort ogetoutbutIcouldn’t
.Isatinmy
caroutofbr eathunti
lsomeoneopent hedoorand
draggedmeout ,“
Thando,cany ouhearme?
Thando…. hel
p,cansomebodyhel pus.”nextthinga
prickinmyar m andIwasl i
ghtsout.
Nextthi
ngIwasonahospi
tal
bed,andTareckwas
si
tti
nginachai
rnextt
ome.Iwasconfused,“
what
happened?
”
Him: Youwer einyourcarandwer en’tbreathi
ng.The
doctorsaidi t’
snothingseri
ousitwasananxi ety
att
ack.Itisn’tanythi
ngser i
ous,t
hedoct orgav eme
somebookl etsthatwill
helpnexttimey ouhav ethe
att
ack.Theysai dIcantakey ouhomeoncey ou’
re
awake, buty oucan’tdri
ve.Igotoffthebedandwe
walkedout ,wewentt ohiscarandhedr ov eme
home.
Hi
m: WhathappenedThando?Whatt
ri
gger
edt
his
at
tack?
Me:
Idon’
twantt
otal
kabouti
t.
Hi
m:i
t’
sheri
sn’
tit
?Whatdi
dshesay
?
ME:
Not
hing.
Hi
m: Dammi tThandol
etmehelphere.Iknowshe
di
dsomet hi
ngorshesaidsomethi
ng,I’
ll
talkt
oher
.
I
sitaboutherandKhenan?
Ijustsatt heresi l
ent l
y,hedr ovemehome.He
handedmet hepamphl etsandl ef
tmeatt hegate,he
wassopi ssedof ft hathecoul dn’tevendr opmeof f
att hedoor .Iwal kedt othehouse; Iwentt othe
ki
t chent ogetsomewat er.“I’
vebeenwai t
ingf or
you, ”Irol
ledmyey es.Notnow, whatthehel lwas
shedoi ngher e.Iwal kedintot heloungeandf ound
Kal isasit
tingont hecouchwat chi
ngacooki ngshow.
Wai tshewaswat chingme, seei ngmy selfont he
scr eenjustremi ndedmet hatIhadt ost artfi
lming
mynextseasoni nacoupl eofmont hs.Isatdown
acr ossf r
om her ,“Igother eabout30mi nut esago,
andPaul openedf orme.”
Me:
Thati
ssweetofhi
m.(
Sar
cast
ical
l
y)
Her:Iwenti
ntoyourbarandIfi
xedusacocktai
l
(shepoi
ntedata3lit
rejugsi
tt
ingonthecof
feetabl
e)
havesomeit’
sgood.
Ipour
edagl
ass,
tookasi
pandmadeaf
ace,
“too
str
ong?”
Me:
all
Icant
ast
eisr
um andchampagne.
Her
:Addal
i
ttl
eice,
thi
sisper
fect
.
Shet
ookasi
panddi
dn’
tpul
laf
ace,
“wher
ear
eyou
comi
ngfr
om?”
Me:
Thehospi
tal
.
Her:HowisLakhi
wedoi
ng?Ihav
en’
tgot
tenan
updatef
or2days.
Me:
Idon’
tknow.
Her
:Whynot
?
Me:
Khensani
woul
dn’
tletme.
Her
:Whatdi
dKhenansayaboutt
hat
?
Me:Shewouldn’
tletmeseehim eit
her.Itext
edhi
m
afewdaysago,buthedi
dn’tr
eply.Idon’tknowwhat
i
sgoingonMah.
Her:
It’
sthatl
i
ttl
ewi
tch;
shei
susi
ngt
hechi
l
dren
agai
n.
Me:
Uhm?
Her
:Shedoesthi
sever
yti
me;
sheusest
hechi
l
dren
t
ogetbackwit
hKhenanal
ways.
Me:
Butt
hedi
vor
ce.
Her:Doyour
eal
l
ythi
nkshewasgoi
ngt
ogot
hrough
wit
ht hat
?
Me:Wel
lIt
houghtsheandTar
eckweredoingwell
andt
hat
’swhyshewasagreei
ngtot
hedivorce.
Her
:What
?Tar
eckandKhensani
?Agai
n?
Me:
whatdoy
oumeanagai
n?It
houghty
ouknew…
Her
:thesechi
l
drennev
erl
i
sten.
Me:
Mah,
whatdoy
oumeanagai
n?
Her
:Ohmychil
d,howdidsuchaninnocentsoul
get
t
angl
edwi
ththi
sfuckedupfamil
y.
Me:
Tel
lmewhathappened.
Her
:DoesKhenanknow?
Me:Yes,
butt
heyhav
enev
erdi
scussedi
taf
tert
he
i
nci
dent.
Her
:sohedoesn’
tknowaboutt
hef
ir
st….
Me:Sothi
sisn’tthefi
rstt
imetheyhavedonethi
s,
andKhenandoesn’tknow.Youarehismotherhow
coul
dyoudot histoyourownson?
Her:don’tyoudar ej
udgeme;youdon’tknowwhatI
havetogot hroughwi t
hmychil
dren.Youarenota
parent.Maybewheny ouar
eamot heryouwil
l
understand,butfornowyoudon’
tgettoplayGod.

Thiswomani scrazy;It
ookasi pofthispoisonshe
wasf eedingme.I twasn’ tasbadt hesecondt i
me.I
tookanot hersipandgotupt ogohav eaci garet
te
out si
de.Idi dn’tneedthisr i
ghtnow, honestly
.She
thinksshecant al
ktomeany howinmyownhouse
shedef i
nitelyismadi nthehead.If i
nishedmy
cigaret t
eandwal kedinside,shewascr ying.Nope, I
wasnotgoi ngt oentert
ainhershit.Iwalkedt owards
theki tchen,butIjustcoul dn’
tleaveherlikethat,
“Kal i
sa.”
Her:I’
m sor r
y;it’
sjustsohardtokeept hisfamily
together.Nobodyel seisputti
ngintheef f
ortbutme.
Ihavet ocleanupt heirmesseseacht ime.Soi fi
t
meanskeepi ngasecr ettokeepthisfamilytoget
her
thensobei t
.Iam get t
ingoldnow, Khensaniis
hopeless;yout heonlyonewhowi llbel
eftwi t
h
theseboy sandy ouhavetokeept hem incheck.
Me:howwil
lIdothatwhenKhenani
sn’
tev
en
answer
ingmytext
s?
Her:
Justbarewi
thhi
m chi
ld,
heishurt
ingr
ightnow
andheneedsyoutobestr
ongbecausehecannot
bestr
ongforhi
mself
.
Me:MahIcan’
tdeal
wit
hKhensani,
Icanneverwi
n
wi
thher
,andsheist
hemotherofhi
schil
dren.
Her
:chi
l
d.
Me:
What
?
Shegotupandwalkedtothespareroom.Isatt
her
e
thi
nki
ngaboutwhatshejustsai
d,Igotupandwent
toherr
oom butshewasalreadyfastasl
eep.

Itr
iedtocal
lKhenan,
itrangtovoi
cemai
landIt
ri
ed
again,
“Youdon’
tgetitdoyou?”
Me:
CanIspeakt
oKhenanpl
ease.
Her
:hei
sn’
tav
ail
abl
eI’
l
ltel
lhi
myoucal
l
ed.
Me:
NoIwa-
Shecutt
hecal
lonme,
fuckt
hisbi
tch.Shet
hinks
sheistheonlycrazyone,
ohnoshei
sn’
t.Idi
aledt
he
hospi
tal,
“hima’am howarey
ou?”
Lady
:Good,
howcanwehel
pyou?
Me:Mygr andsonisinthehospi
tal
withhi
sfather
andmot her,LakhiweDeCosta.I
’mtry
inghi
m onhis
cel
lbutcan’ tr
eachhim, i
sther
eanywayofyou
tr
ansfer
ringmet othei
rroom?
Lady:
Surethi
ngMr
s.DeCost
a,pl
easehol
dwhi
l
eI
tr
ansfery
ou.
Me:
Thanky
ou.

Taket hatbitch!“Hello,hell
o…”Icutthecall
, Iwas
defeated.IdialedTar eck,hedidn’tpi
ckup.It r
ied
hi
mf i
vet i
mesandnot hing.IevenusedKalisa’s
phoneandhest il
ldidn’tpickup.Isatonthecouch
dri
nkingKal i
sa’ scocktail,
thetearscamedown.I
wasl osingmyman, andIhadn’ tevendoneany t
hing
wrong.Ist umbl edtot hetoil
et;t
histhi
ngwasr eall
y
getti
ngmedr unk.Igotbackt ot hecouchandmy
phonebeeped, i
twasKhenan.Iopenedt hemessage
anditr ead:Hi Thando, Ihopeyouar egood.Iam
sorr
yIhavebeendi st
ance,butmyfamil
yneedsme
ri
ghtnow.Ican’tconti
nuewhatwearedoing;i
tisa
di
stract
ionofwhatisreal
lyimpor
tant
.Ihopeyou
haveagoodl i
fe.Khenan.

Whatt hef uck?Wast hi

sniggerbei
ngseriousr i
ght
now?Hei scr azy,Ican’
thandlethi
s.Isoberedup
samet i
me; Igotupandwentt obed.Isenta
messaget ot hegirl
sont heWhatsAppgroup: Ladi
es,
tomor r
owni ghtBaculeBarat9pm.Noneoft hegirl
s
respondedt hen, butIknewtheywouldev entual
ly
sayy es.Itwast heweekend; t
heywoul dwantt ogo
out.Isoonf ellasleep.
[
11/
23,
16:
22]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode39

Wewal kedintoBasculelooki
ngni ce,
wewer eclassy
.
Thiswasn’taclub,al
lthebusinessmenhungout
here.Wesatdownoncouchesi nthecornerand
orderfoodplat
tersandchampagne.Phumesoon
mov edtocognacandt herestoft hegir
lst
owhiskey.
Iwasn’tpl
anningonget t
ingtodr unksoIstuckt
o
thechampagne.Wet alkedwel aughed,theguy s
nexttousaskedt ojoint abl
es.Wellthegirl
s,always
l
ookingforbusinessoppor t
unit
iesandnew
part
nershi
ps.Iwasn’tint hemoodf orlit
tlechitchat,
unti
loneoftheguy ssai d,“you’
reThandof r
om t he
cookingchannelri
ght?”
Me:
Yeah,
that
’sme.
Hi
m:Mysi
sterl
ovesy
ou;
canIgetapi
ctur
eforher
?
Me:
Sur
ethi
ng.
Wetookaphotoandhesenti
ttoher
,heshowedme
herr
esponse.
Hi
m:sheact
ual
l
ywant
stobeachef
.
Me:
Ihav
eacul
i
nar
yschool
act
ual
l
y.
Hi
m:r
eal
l
y?

Wespokeaboutwor kanddr ank;

hewasact ual
lya
ni
ceguy .I
fhewasol derandIwassingl
eIwould
defi
nit
elybeint
erest
edinhim.Andhewasn’ tsobad
l
ooking,andheactuall
ytal
kedsmartforaguyhis
age.Weexchangednumber sandemai laddr
esses,
I
hadn’tgiv
enaguymynumberi nyear
sanditwas
actuall
yweird.Hewasn’taski
ngmeoutoranythi
ng,
butsomet hi
ngaboutthisscar
edme.Itshoul
dn’t
scaremet hough,Khenanhadendedthi
ngs.Iwas
technical
l
ysingle,
wasIorwasIjustmaking
excuses?

Wehadagoodtimer
eal
l
y,Il
eftfi
rst.Tsi
etsiof
fered
t
otakemehomeandIal
lowed.Wespokeont he
wayandhepar
kedbymygate,
“Isthisyourhouse?“
Me:
Yeah,
why
?
Hi
m: I
t’
shuge,
howmanybedr
oomsy
ouhav
ein
t
here?
Me:
Uhm,
don’
tjudge.
Hi
m:Iwon’
t,
justt
ell
me.
Me: 10bed,12bathr
ooms,2lounged,akitchen,
study,smal
lcinemaandadini
nghall.Yeah,that
’s
aboutit,
theimport
antst
uff
.
Hi
m:What
?Andy
ouuseal
loft
hem?
Me:
Uhm,
wel
l
.Notr
eal
l
y.Butt
hespacecomesi
n
handywhent
hrowi
ngapar
ty.
Him:Well
hopet oseeinoneti
me.ButnowIneedto
gettomyf r
iends,wil
lyoubeal
righther
eormustI
dri
veyouin?
Me:
NoI
’
mfi
neher
e.Thanky
ou.

It
wosteppedupthedr
iveway,
andfoundTar
eck
si
tt
ingonthest
epsbythedoor.Ohmygosh,
what
di
dIdotothisf
amil
y?
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwant
?
Hi
m:Yout
ri
edt
ocal
lme.
Me:
Ineededy
out
hen,
andnowIdon’
t.
Hi
m:Whatdi
dyouwant
?
Me:
Ineededt
otal
ktoKhenan.
Hi
m:Oh,
soy
ougotahol
dofhi
m?
Me:Yeah,hebr
okeupwi
thme,soyoucango.Ther
e
i
snoreasonforust
otal
kanymor
e.Youcancome
byt
omor r
owandgetKal
isa.
Him:Thandopl
ease,
tel
lmewhati
sgoi
ngon,
what
canIdotofi
xit
?
Me:
Leavemethef
uckal
one,t
akeyourf
uckedup
f
amil
yandgett
hef
uckoutofmyli
feandstayt
her
e!

Iwalkedpasthim andwalkedi ntomyhouse.I

closedthedoorandwentt ot helounge;
Iwasn’
t
goingtomakei tupthestairs.Ifl
oppedonthecouch
thenamancl earedhisvoice.Ijumpedupand
screamed,“Babyrel
ax,i
t’
sme. ”
Me:FuckmanZenon,
youscar
edme.Imean,
dad
youscar
edme.
Heswi
tchedont
hel
i
ght
s.
Me:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngi
nmyhouse,
int
hedar
k?
Hi
m:I’
vebeentr
yingt
ocal
lyoual
lni
ghtandy
ou
di
dn’
tpi
ckup.SoIcameheret
hen.
Me:
Howdi
dyougeti
n?
Him:Areyour
eal
l
ygoi
ngt
oaskmet
hat
?(He
chuckl
ed)
Hegav
emeahug,
“what
’swr
ongbaby
?”
Me:
Not
hing,
I’
mjustal
i
ttl
edr
unk.
Hi
m:Comeonnow,
Iam y
ourf
ather
.Youcant
alkt
o
me.
Hesatdownandt appedthecouchformetositnext
tohim;Isatdownandputmyheadonhi slap.He
play
edwi t
hmyhairandIt oldhi
m ev
ery
thi
ng,Icr
ied
andIfell
asleepwi
thhim playi
ngwit
hmyhair.

WhenIwokeupt henextmor ninghewasn’ tt here

andnei therwasKal i
sa, sheleftmeanot e.Idi dn’
t
evenbot herreadingit.Iwentt omyr oom and
brushedmyt eethandsatont hebedwi t
hmyl aptop.
Tsietsihadsentmeanemai l
, Irespondedt ellinghim
Iwasheadi ngtoDur banf oraf ewweeksandt hen
woul dbeshoot i
ngmyTVshow.Her epli
edi nst antl
y
andIdi dn’tevenbothert orespond, Iknewt his
woul dgoonf or
ev er
.Ibookedaf l
ightf orMonday
mor ningandahot elcl
oset ot her estaurant, Ineeded
togetawayandf ocusonmybusi nessest hatIhav e
beenneglect
ingsinceImetKhenan.Sothis
weekendIwaspacki ngIwoul
dbegoi ngforquite
somet i
mesot herewasalottodo,Icontacted
Lerat
ojusttogiveherahead’
sup.Ineededaf ew
thi
ngsattheglasshousesoplannedtogot here
l
aterthatday.

Iparkedoutside, andwalkedin.lastti
meIwasher e
wast henightoft heparty.Iwalkedinsi
de,thedoor
wasn’tlock,goshKhenant hough.Iwentupst ai
rs
andlookedev erywhere,
andt henremember edt her
e
weresomeboxesi nt
heshed.Iwal kedoutt heback
andwentt ot heendoft hegar denandopenedup.
Wasdar k,Iswi tchedonthelightsandfroze.What
thehellwast his?

Khensani
sati
nachai
rti
edupandwi
thhermout
h
taped.
“Whatthefuck?Likewhatthehel
l
,youpeoplejust
won’tl
eavemeal one.
”Iwalkedovertotheboxes
andlookedformyt hi
ngs,“
whyreall
y,whydoy ou
guysthinkyouhav etherighttocomei ntomyl i
fe
andcauseadi srupti
on?Whydoy ouguy sthi
nkyou
aresospeci al,
y ouguy saren’tt
heonl yrichones.
Justbecausey ouhav emoneyi tdoesn’ tmeany ou
guysgettot reattherestofusl ikeshity ouknow.I
don’tevenknowhowy ougother e;youwantt oknow
whatt hefunnyt hi
ngis?Iact ual
lydon’tcar e;
youcan
rotherforallIcare.”
Shewasr ockingi nherchai r
,Itookmyt hi
ngsand
switchedoft hel i
ghtandcl osedt hedoorbehindme.
Iswitchedoft hel i
ghtsint herestofthehouseand
droveout.Inot icedacarpar keddownt heroad,I
paiditnomi nd.Idi dn’
tev enwantt oknowwhowas
i
nt hecar.Soj ustdr oveofftoMbal i.Idi
dn’
tknow
whet hert
ot ellherornot .Wechi ll
edforali
ttl
ebit
andsai dourgoodby es.Iwoul dseeherinDur ban
onlynextmont h.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Butl
i
keandshar
e!!
!!
[
11/
23,
16:
22]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode40

Durbanwasgood, butbusy .Iwasf lyi

ngt oEngland
i
naf ewday s.Idon’ tunder standwhyt henet work
alwayswant edt heset eststobedone.SoIwentt o
thedoctorandr ant het estsandgotbackt othel ast
minutepr eparations.Iwentshoppi ng,Ihatedthe
weathert her eandIdi dn’tunder standwhyIhadt o
gothere.Ishooti nCapeTownbutbef orethe
seasonst artsIal wayshav etogot here.Butnouse
complaini ng,Iwasj ustt i
red.Iov erwor kedmy selfin
Durban, andIneededar est.SoIsl epttherestoft he
day,Iwentt ot hedoct ort hef ol
l
owi ngdayt ogoov er
thetestr esults.Shewast henet wor k’
sdoct or;she
hadtot ell met her esul t
sf i
rstbefor esendingthem
throughtothenetwork.Thisprocesswassucha
bore.Shereadouteverythi
ng,i
twasal waysthe
samet hingokthist
imeIhadgai nedweight.Kal
i
sa
andCi ndywerethedevil
s,andtogetheri
twas
disastr
ous!Iwaszonedoutt hi
nkingaboutmyown
shitunti
lshesaid3mont hspregnant.
Me:
What
?
Her
:Congr
atul
ati
ons,
you’
re14weekspr
egnant
.
Me:No,no…t hatcan’tbe.Iam notpregnant,Ihav
e
beenfi
ne.Ihav en’
tthrownup, noovereati
ng.Uhm,
okbutthat’
sbecauseofmymot her
s.Ihavebeen
dri
nki
ng,li
keal otandsmoki ng.Iam notpregnant
,I
can’
tbe.Ijustcan’
t.

Idi
dn’tknowwhatt odo, Isetupanappoi ntment
wit
hagy naeinEnglandandIheadedt her
e.Ohmy
word,i
twasal mostl i
keIf oundoutIwaspr egnant
andstartedbehavinglikeapr egnantlady.Istart
ed
gai
ningmor ewei
ght ,
andeat ingmor e.Mycl othes
weretight.Myword, t
hr eeandahal fmont hs;how
wasthisev enpossibl
e?
Afewweeksl
aterIwasbacki
nSout
hAf
ri
ca;
Mbal
i
pi
ckedmeupfrom t
heair
port
.
Mbal
i
:Fucky
ou’
ref
at.
Me:
Thanky
ou,
not
hingf
it
s.Il
i
vei
nyogapant
s.
Mbal
i
:Itsui
tsy
ou.
Me:Please,
Iwantt
ogetoutofher
e.Takemet
omy
house.
Wegoti
ntot
hecaranddr
oveof
f,“
Sohav
eyout
old
hi
m?”
Me:
No,
hehasn’
ttr
iedt
ocommuni
cat
ewi
thme.
Mbal
i
:Hewasatmyhousel
astni
ght
.
Me:
Oh,
real
l
y?
Mbal
i
:Hewant
edt
oknowwher
eyouar
e.
Me:Why ?Hebasi
call
ytol
dmetofuckoff
.Hei
s
pl
ayinghappyf
amilywit
hhiswi
fer
ight
?Sowhat
doesheneedmef or?
Wegott othecar ,Mbal i
packedt hecar .Shet oldme
torel
ax; shewasmaki ngaf ussl i
keIwassi ck.Wei r
d
thi
ngi sthatIdidn’tevenf eel sick,Ijustat eal ot;
eit
herthant hatIam mynor mal self
.Shegoti ntot he
carandr eversedoutt hepar king.Wedr ovet omy
house; mypar entswer ewai tingf ormeIhadt old
them Iwoul dbebackt oday .Myf osterpar ents,
ZenonandCi ndysai dtheywoul dcomebyl ater,
goshKal isasentat extedwant i
ngt oseeme.I
honestlywasn’ ti
nt hemoodf orher .IthoughtImade
i
tclearIdon’ twantt oseeher .Themi nut ewe
walkedi nthebuzzerwentof f,andi twasmypar ents.
Iopenedupf orthem.Iwassay ingal i
ttlepray erthat
ZenonandCi ndydon’ tarri
v ewhi l
etheywer eher e.I
hadn’texactlyint
roducedt hem, andIwasn’ treallyin
themoodt odot hattoday .

Iwasact ual
lytir
edanddi dn’tunder
standwhypeopl e
wouldwantt oseey outhedayy oucamebackf rom
tr
avell
ing.It
’snotli
keIwasi nJohannesburgor
Durban,Iwasi nEngland.14hour sisnochil
dplay,
buttheydidn’tunder
standt hat.Wesatinthelounge
andspokeaboutt het
ripandthebaby.IfIneeded
help,
Ichasedthem awayasquickasIcoul d.Ical
l
ed
Zenonandt ol
dhim Iwastir
edandwoul dseet hem
tomorrow.Idi
dn’tbot
herwithKal
isa,
Iwoul djust
i
gnoreher;shecouldgotohellf
orallIcared.Mbali
l
eftsoonaftermyparentsandIwentupst ai
rsto
takeanap.

Iwokeupi nt heev ening; Iwasst illt

iredandhungr y
too.Fridgewasempt y,shit.Iwentbackupst ai
rsand
brushedmyt eethandt hengotdr essedi ny oga
pantsandanov ersizedj ersey.Iwentt othegar age,I
couldn’ttaket heMust angIwasn’ tgoi ngtobe
comf ortable.Iopt edf ort heJeepWr anglerand
droveof ftof i
ndf ood.Iwaswi shingf oracooked
meal ,butIwant edwi ngs.SoIdr ovet oWool wort
hs,I
gotoutt hepar kingandt hemal lwasst i
l
l buzzi
ng.I
guessi t’
sbecausei twasaFr i
day .Ther ewer eyoung
couples, l
ookedl i
kedat eni ghtofsomesor t
.I
walkedpassaNaar tj
ieandst oppedatt hedoor .I
honest l
ywasn’ tinterest edinget ti
ngbabycl othes,
butmay beifIwenti nImi ghtfeelsomet hing.I
walkedinandlookedatsomebabyi tems, Idi
dn’
t
takeanythi
ngthough.Ididn’
tevenknowt hesexof
thebaby,andIdidn’twanttoknow.AsIwaswal king
out,Khensani
wal kedin.Iwoul
dbelyingifIsai
dI
didn’
tgetashock.Shecameupt omeandgr eet
ed,
thenlookeddownatmyst omach,“
You’realso
expecti
ng?Howf aralongareyou?”
Iwalkedpassherwi t
houtsay ingawor dandmade
mywayt oWool i
es.Iwentst r
aightfort
hewi ngsf i
rst.
Got24andst ar
tedeat i
ngwhi leIshoppedf oraf ew
i
tems.Idi dn’tbuyt oomanyt hingswasonlygoi ngt o
dothatanot herdaywhenIwasset tl
edin.Iwentt o
getsomej ui
ces, “ma'am thereisnoeat i
ngallowed
i
ntheshop. ”Iheardat hickAf ri
kaansaccentspeak
tome, Iturnedar oundandr ol
ledmyey es,“Ohreally
now?Si ncewhen? ”Ipointedatawhi t
eboyeat i
ng,
“di
dy outellhimt hat?”
Hi
m:Hei
sasmal
lboy
.
Me:Awhi
teboy
,whataboutt
hatwhi
temant
her
e
di
dyout
ell
him?
Hi
m:Uhm,
b-
Me:Noyoudidn’tbutyou’
regoi
ngtowal kov
ert
oa
pr
egnantbl
ackwomanandt el
lherther
eisnoeat
ing
i
ntheshop?IsitbecauseIam bl
ack?
Hi
m:N…n…no.
Me:Thenwhatisi
t?Whatt
hehel
li
st heprobl
em?I
muststar
vewhil
edoi
ngmyshopping,mustInot
f
eedmybaby ?
Istar
tedthr
owingthewingsathim onebyone,
then
aladyappeared,
“Ma’am,ar
ey ouokay?”
Me:
DoIl
ookokay
?
Her:
Pleasecalm down,
thi
sangercantpossi
blybe
goodforthebaby,woul
dyoul
iketotakeaseat.
Me:
NoIam l
eav
ing;
hecanpayf
ort
hewi
ngs.
Istartedwalki
ngawayandi tstartedagain,
fuck.The
tearsstart
edr olli
ngdownmyf aceandIwasshaki ng.
Iwasf i
ndi
ngithar dtobreat
h,thel adywasspeaking
tomeandt ell
ingmehowt obreat he,Ir
emember ed
thepamphl etst hedoct
orhadgi vent omeandI
foll
owedt hest eps.20minuteslaterIwasfineand
breathingnormal ,shel
edmet ot heirbackoff
iceand
askedifsheshoul dcal
lanyonef orme.Irefusedand
saidIwouldbef i
ne,shelef
tmeal itt
lewhil
eand
camebackt ohelpwal kmeout .Shecalledoneof
theguystowal kmet omycar ,“hereareyour
grocer
ies,onus.Pleasedri
vesaf ely.
”Theguy
walkedmet omycarandpackedt hepacketsinthe
boot,“
Ma’am arey ousureyouwi llbefi
ne?”Inodded
andgav ehim a‘t
ip’

WhenIgothomeIsatbyt hel aptopt r

yingt ofi
nda
doctort
ohel pmeunderstandandmaket hese
att
acksstop.Itwassofrustrati
ng,Imadesoupand
gri
ll
edFrenchbreadandmadegar l
icbut t
erandputa
heal
thyservingonthewarm br ead.Itookmyf ood
andlapt
opupst ai
rsandwor kedont helastmenuf or
theshow.Isentmymanageranemai ltel
lingherI
wanttodot hecookbook.Af tereatingIputona
mov i
eandwasasl eepwithi
nt hef i
rst30mi nut
es.
[
11/
23,
16:
23]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode41

Epi
sode41
Iwokeupi nt hemi ddl eoft heni ghtneedi ngt opee
desper ately; Iwalkedt othet oil
etandsatdown.I t
wasal ongpee; Ihatedwhatt hebabywasdoi ngt o
me.Gosh, Iy awnedandf l
ushed.Lookedatmy selfin
themi rrorandIl ookedhor rible; Iwasf atandt ired.I
washedmyhandsandwal keddownst airs.Iwas
hungry, sowentt ogetsomet hingt oeat .Itwas2am;
Iwasn’ tgoi ngt ogetbackt obedany ti
mesoont hatI
knew.Iswi tchedont helightsi nt heloungeand
kit
chenandmadeasandwi ch, justasIwasaboutt o
fi
nishmybuzzerwentof f.Ser iousl y,atthistime
whatt hehel l?Iwenti ntot hest udyt ocheckandi t
wasKhenan.Ii gnoredhi m andwentbacki ntot he
kit
chent of i
ni shoffwhatIwasdoi ng.Thebuzzer
wentof fagai n;Igotmyl apt opandsatont hecouch
stuffi
ngmyf ace.Iloggedont ot hesecur i
tycamer as
viathel aptopandnot icedhehadbeent heresi nce
tenlastni ght .Whatdi dhewant ; Iwasn’ tinthemood
forhisr ubbi sh,andespeci allyatt histi
me.Iwor ked
ont heshow, j
ustaf ewt ouchupsont hel astfew
episodes.Iwast r
yingt ofigur eoutwhatmeal sI ’d
cook.Wewer estarti
ngt ofi
lmi nt woweekst i
me
andwehadal readydonet headv ert
sf ortheshow,
whichIobv i
ouslyhat ed.Myst omachwasshowi ng
andthewhol ewor l
dnowknewt hatIwaspr egnant.
Butthepublici
tywasn’ tsobad, peopl ejustseemed
excit
ed.Butsomewer eguessingwhot hefatherwas,
andwor stofallKhensani waspr egnantsot here
wasonet abloidaboutKhenanexpect ingtwobabi es
atonce.Ihadaf ewcal l
sfrom themagazi nesbutI
didn’
tgiveoutanyi nformation.Iwasmeet i
ngup
withmymanagersoonsoIknewshewoul dwant
met otalktothepr esssoon.

Ifi
nishedwi
thmysandwichandgotbacktowor k,
Khenanwassti
ll
outsi
debuzzing.Myphonerang
anditwasanumberIdidn’
tknow,“Not
hando,hell
o.”
Hi
m:Iseey
ourl
i
ght
sar
eon,
whywon’
tyoul
etmei
n?
Youhavegott
obeki ddi
ngme, t
hismanwasquiet
forsol
ongandhet hi
nkshecanjustrockuptomy
placel
i
keever
ythi
ngwasokay .Neverdays,
soIj
ust
hungup.Mydoorbell
rang;
itmusthavebeenthe
secur it
y .Ist i
lldon’ tknowwhyIkeept hem ar ound; i
t
wasal lSpha’ si deawhi lewewer etoget her .Iopened
thedoorandt her ehewas, Khenanst oodi nfrontof
me, looki ngsosexy .Icoul dhav ehi mr i
ghtt hereand
then, hewaswear ingt hesameout fitthef irsttime
hehadcomeov er .Hewasal ittl
ebi twetbecausei t
wasr aining; hej ustst oodt her el ookingatme.My
hear twasbeat ingf astIdi dn’ tknowwhatt odoor
whatt osay .Hej ustst eppedf orwar dandhuggedme,
Ididn’thughi m back.Thet earsj ustr olleddownmy
cheeksIcoul dn’ thol di tin, Icriedandt hent ri
ed
pushi nghi m offme.Idon’ tknowwhyIal lowedhi m
totouchme, alltheemot ionswer ecomi ngbackand
Ifeltashar ppai ninmychest .Iwasf ight inghi m so
hardbuthedi dn’tl etmego.I nsteadhej usthel dme
ti
ght er,“Shhhbaby .”Igav eupf ightingandj ustlet
him hol dme.Hepi ckedmeupl i
keIwasl ightasa
feather ;hecl osedt hedoorwi t
hhi sf ootandt ookme
upst air
s.Heputmei ntobedandgoti nnextt ome.
Heputhi sar msar oundmeandwel ayt her e,Iwas
sti
llcr y
ing.Hewaspl ayingwi thmyhai randI
event uallyfel l
asl eep.Iwaswokenupbyhi m when
hecamei ntother oom hol dingat rayoff ood, “Idon’
t
knowwhaty oulikeeatingandwhaty oucan’ ttake
butItri
ed.It
hinky ouneedt ogoshopping,your
suppli
esarerunningshor t
.”Idi
dn’tr
espondandgot
upandwal ktothebat hroom,Iwashedmyf aceand
brushedmyt eet
handcamebackandsatont hebed.
Therewerepancakes, eggs,sausage;hemadea
fr
uitsal
adandy oghurtandal somuesli.Idi
dn’tknow
howhef it
tedeverythi
ngononet r
ay.
Me:
Ist
il
leatnor
mal
,j
ustal
i
ttl
ebi
tmor
e.
Hi
m:Al
i
ttl
e(hegi
ggl
ed.
)wel
leatupt
hen.
HelookedatmeasIdugi nt
othefrui
tsal
adand
muesli
,“Soyouaren’tgoi
ngtotel
lmewhathasbeen
upwithyou?
”Istartedwithmymout hful
l
.
Hi
m:ThandoIknowIl
efty
ououtoft
heloopwhen
mysonwassick,
andt
hatwaswrongofme.I
’m sor
-
Me:
Sothati
swhyyoudeci
dedt
oendt
hingswi
th
meandst
optaki
ngmycall
s.
Him:Endt
hings?Idi
dnosuch,yesIwasn’
tpaying
att
enti
ont
omycal l
sandmay beyoutooki
tthatway,
butIdi
dn’
tmeanIwantedthi
ngsbetweenustoend.
AndwhenIgotyourmessageItri
edtocal
landmy
cal
l
swer
en’
tgoi
ngt
hrough.
Me:
Whatmessage?
Hetookouthi
sphoneandther
ewasamessage,
a
messageofmebreaki
ngupwithhi
m.
Me:Thisi
sn’
tmynumbert
houghKhenan,
howcoul
d
yout
hinki
twasme?
Ireachedf
ormyphoneandshowedhi mthe
messagesIhadsentaskinghowhewas,andhow
Lakhiwewasdoing.ThenIshowedhi
mthemessage
Irecei
vedfr
om hisnumber.
Hi
m: Thi
sisthef
ir
stt
imeIhav
eseent
hese
messages.
Helookedreal
l
yconfusedandIki
ndofbeli
evedhi
m,
“Iev
encamet othehospi
tal
acoupleoft
imesand
Khensaniwoul
dn’tl
etmeseeyouorLakhi
we.”
Hi
m:Shedi
dthi
s,i
twasal
lher
.
Hewasf umingandgotupf rom t
hebedanddial
led
hernumber,“Wherearey ou….Ineedyoutocometo
Thando’
shouse….Idon’ tcarewhereyouareget
yourassoverhere….IsaidIdon’tcar
e,30minut
es.
”
Hecutt hecal l
andwentt othebathr
oom.Iwasn’t
evenbot hered;Iconti
nuedstuf
fi
ngmyf aceand
fi
nishedev eryt
hingthatwasservedtome.He
walkedbacki ntotheroom,andkneltnextt
omeon
thefloor
.
Him:Thando, babyIam sosor r
y.Iam sor
ryIwasn’t
ther
ewheny ouneededmet hemost;IknowLakhiwe
wassickandt hatwasnotanexcusetoneglectyou.
Ishouldhaveseenr i
ghtthr
oughKhensanibutIwas
bli
nded, Iwi
llnotlethergeti
nthemiddleofusagain
baby,pleaseforgiveme.”
Me:
Khenan,i
tisnott
hateasy
.Andthenextt
ime
t
her
eisafamil
yprobl
em?Whatwill
happenthen?
Him:Youwil
lbet
her
e;y
ouar
ejustpar
toft
hef
ami
l
y
assheis.
Me:
Andwhenwil
lthi
sstar
t?YouknowIsawy
our
mot
hermor
ethanyouduri
ngthi
speri
od?
Hi
m:IknowThando,
butIwas-
Me:EvenTareck,hewast
heonewhodrovemef r
om
thehospi
tal
wheny ourwi
feat
tackedmeandIended
uponahospitalbed.
Hi
m:what
?Whathappened?Whatdi
dshedot
oyou?
Me: Khenanmay beyoucanaskhery
our
sel
f.Shei
s
yourfamilyaf
teral
l.
Igotupof fthebedandwentt orunabat h;Icouldn’
t
shower ,becausebendi ngwasget ti
ngmor ediffi
cult
byt hehour .Igotintothebat handKhenansaton
thet oi
letseati nhiscl othesj ustlookingatme
withoutsay i
ngany t
hing.Hewasact ual
lyannoying
mebyj ustsitti
ngthere, “Wi l
lyoumakey ourself
usef ulandwashmyf eet? ”Iwasn’ tsomadany mor e,
Iknewt hatKhensani hador chestratedthewhol e
thi
ng, buthecoul dhav emadeanef fort
,hehadt o
sufferabi t.Helookedabi texci
tedt hatIaskedf or
hishel p,hegotupandst ripped;whatwashedoi ng?
Hegoti nt othebat handsatf acingme.Il eanedback
andhepi ckeduponeofmyl egsandst arted
washi ngi n-betweenmyt oes, hemassagedmyf eet
abit .
Hi
m:Sowantt
otel
lmeaboutmybaby
.
Me:
Yourbaby
?
Hel
ookedatmeshockedandst
oppedmassagi
ng
me.Il
aughed,
Iact
ual
l
ygothi
mther
e,“
Whatdoy
ou
wantt
oknow?”
Hi
m:Whendi
dyouf
indout
?
Me:
Thedoctort
oldmewhenIwentfort
het
estf
or
t
henet
work,
beforeIwentt
oEngl
and.
Hi
m:Howf
aral
ongar
ewenow?
Ihatedhowhespokeli
kehewaspar toft
his
pregnancy
,buti
twascutebecauseheseemedso
excit
ed.
Me:Well
,Iwas3monthswhenIfoundout.Andina
weekandahalfwi
l
lbestar
ti
ngthethi
rdtr
imester.
Hi
m:And?
Me:
Andwhat
?
Hi
m:Comeon,
arewehav
ingagi
rloraboy
?
Me:
Idon’
tknow,
Ihav
en’
tbeeni
nter
est
edr
eal
l
y
Iwavedmyotherf
ooti
ntheai
rsi
gnall
i
ngforhimto
changef
eet
,“Baby
,howcanyounotbeexci
ted?
”
Me:HowwasIsupposedt
obeexci
tedwhent
he
f
atherofmychi
l
dwasshacki
ngupwithhi
swi
feand
maki
ngat
hir
dbaby
?
Hi
m:What
?
Me: Don’
tplaydumbwithme( okdeepdownIknew
thatKhensaniwasn’
tpr
egnantwit
hhisbaby,
butI
couldn’
thelpi
t.
)
Hi
m:Thandowhatar
eyouonabout
?
Me:Khensanii
spr
egnantt
oo,
wit
hyourbabyduh.(
I
r
oll
edmyey es.
)
Hi m: Youknowt hati
sn’
tmybaby ,andtotell
youthe
truthIdon’ tev
enbeli
evesheispregnant.Sheisasly
fox, anyt
hingispossi
blewit
hher.HenceIgota
pat erni
tytestdonewhil
eLakhi
wewasi nhospit
al.
Ipul
ledmyl egawayfr
om hi
mi nst
ant
ly,
“Whatbaby?
Itol
dy ouIwantedt
ogettheki
dstest
edaft
erIfound
hersleepi
ngwithmybrot
her.
”
Me:
And,
whatdi
dther
esul
tssay
?
Hi
m: Heismi
ne,
luckyf
orhersheget
stol
i
veal
i
ttl
e
bi
tlonger
.
Me:
AndwhataboutKhany
i?
Him:Haven’
tdonethetest,Idon’
twanthert
oknow.
Shewil
lgocrazyifI
’m wrongandwill
neverl
etme
seemykidsagain.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Don'
tfor
gett
oli
ket
hepaget
oo!
!!
[
11/
23,
16:
23]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode42

Myhear tachedf orhim becauseIknewt het r

uth.But
Icouldn’tt
ell
him.Sot hisobv iouslymeanst hat
Khany iwasnothi s,
Kali
sahadsai d‘chil
d’.We
fi
nishedbathingandgotoutj ustasKhensani
buzzed.Khenanl ookedint heclosetforhi scl
othes
andf oundhissideempt y,“Baby ,wherearemy
clot
hes?”shi
tIhadt
otal
lyf
orgot
,wel
li
t’
snotl
i
keI
thoughtwewouldfi
xthi
ngs.
Me:
Int
hespar
eroom downst
air
s.
Hi
m:Real
l
y?
Iignoredhi m; Igotdr essedandwentt oopenupf or
theev il
wi t
ch.Ist oodbyt hedoorasIwat chedher
driveupt hedr iv
eway ;shedi dn’
tlookonebi thappy.
Shegotoutt hecarandsl ammedherdoorshut ,I
stoodt heresmi li
ng.Shewal kedrightpassme
withoutev engr eeting, “
KHENANWHATTHEFUCK,
GETYOURASSOUTHERE, ”Shescreamedasshe
walkedt ot helounge, If ol
lowedherandIsatdown
whilesher emai nedst anding,“KHENAN! !
”Hewal ked
outt hespar ebedr oom i napai rofjoggersanda
wr i
nkledtop, hegav emet hatlookandIgi ggl
edto
my self.
Hi
m:Whyy
oushout
ingt
hisi
snoty
ourhouse.
Her
:Butbaby
,whyd-
Hi
m:Iam noty
ourbaby
,si
tyourassdown.
Shekeptqui
etandi
mmedi
atel
ysatdown.Khenan
satont
hecof
feet
abl
efaci
ngus.
Him:Khensani
Ithi
nky
ouknowv
erywel
lwhyIhav
e
askedyoutocomeher
e.
Her
:Summoned,
youdi
dn’
taskme.
Him: Shutthehellupwi l
lyou?Soasy ouknow,
Thandoi scarr
yingmybaby ,;IloveherandIl ov eour
chil
d.YouandIar eov ersoIdon’ tunder standwhy
youal wayswantt ointerferewi thher ,
shehasnev er
doneany thi
ngtoy ou.Nowsheknowst haty ouar e
themot herofmychi l
dren,andsher espect sy ou.
Thechi l
drencomef i
rstandIam al way st heref or
them; whichl
eav esmeconf usedast owhyy ou
alwayshav etoplaygamesandst i
rshitup.Whydi d
youbr eakusup?Idon’ tunder standbecauseIdo
everythi
ngforyou, Iprovidef ory ouandt hechi l
dren.
Didyounott hi
nkt hatwewoul dcat chont oy ou?
Her
:Youknowsheistr
yingt
otakeyouawayfr
om
t
hechil
drenandt
earusapar
t.You’
rej
ustbl
i
nd.
Him:Thereisnous,t
her
ehasn’
tbeenusf ormore
than5yearsnow.Whatdoyouwantfrom me
Khensani
?What ?Money
,Igi
veyouthat?Itakecar
e
ofyou,youhaveyourmanTar eck,andyoudon’
t
needme.Pleasestartbehavi
nglikeagrownup
becauseify
oudon’tthingsar
egoi ngtogetv
eryugl
y.
Her:
Wellspeakt
oyourgi
rl
fri
endt
oo,shewasthe
onewhotiedmeupandlookedmeinhershedfor
twoweeks.
Me:
Wow,
don’
tyouhav
eanov
eract
ivei
magi
nat
ion?
Hi
m:Khensani
thi
shast
ost
opnow.
Her
:Askher
,shedi
dit
.
Hi
m: Andstoptell
i
ngt hepapersthatyouare
pr
egnantwithmybaby .Iwil
ltel
lthem mysel
fthati
t
i
smybr other
’sbabythatyouarecarryi
ngand
di
vor
cey ousofastyouwon’ tknowwhathityou.
Her
:Iwi
l
lgost
rai
ghtt
othecops.
Him:Yout hinkt
heywi
ll
bel
iev
eyouaftert
his?Iwil
l
getdi
v orcepaper
ssi
gnedupbynextweek,Ineed
them signed.
Shestar
tedcr
ying,“Don’tstar
twit
hthatbull
shi
ther
e.
Gocrysomewher eelse,I’
m donewit
hyou.”Hegot
upandwalkedupstairs.Ij
ustsatt
herenotknowing
whatt
odo.Igotupandsatnextt
oher
,“ar
eyou
al
ri
ght
?MustIgetyouwater
?”
Shesnappedbackatme, “Ihopey ou’ r
ehappynow, I
hopey ouarepr oudofy our self
.”Shegotupand
walkedoutt hehouse.Whydi dIev enbother,
Khenan
walkeddownst ai r
swi t
htheempt yt r
ayandst ar
ted
washingthedi shes.Iwentupst air
sandcal l
edmy
manager ,“
Hi Kris,wouldy oumi ndmeet i
ngmeat
thehousepl ease, Idon’
tthinkIcanbeseent oday….
Haha, yeahit’
sj ustoneoft hoseday s…thankyou…
thatisperf
ect…I’lldefi
nit
elymakey oubr owni
es…
alr
ightseeyoul ater.”
Il
aydownont hebed,thi
smor ni
ngwast ooeventful
andIwasfeeli
ngti
red.It
hinkit
’sthebabybecauseI
canhandl
ejustaboutanyt
hing.ButKhenanbeing
backandthewholeKhensanithi
ngwasj ustt
oo
much,andjustasIwasdrif
ti
ngof fKhenanwalkedin.
Hi
m:ThandoIneedt
otal
ktoy
ouaboutsomet
hing.
Me:
Hm
Hi
m:Babypl
easecany
oul
i
stent
ome.
Me:
No,
Iwantt
osl
eep.Wecant
alkl
ater
.
Hi
m:I
t’
simpor
tant
.
Me:
Soi
smysl
eep,
cuddl
emeandshutup.
Hi
m:Thando.
Iignoredhi m andtri
edt osl eep, Icoul
df eelhim
pacingt heroom butIt otallyignoredhim anddr ift
ed
offtosleep.If el
thim geti nnearmeandputhi m
arm aroundmybel ly
,“Ilov ey ou.”Ismil
edandsl ept
again,thenIwokeuphewasn’ tt
here;
Ibr ushedmy
teethandheadeddownst airs.Hewasn’ tany where,I
openedt hefri
dgeandi twasf ull
ypackedIsmi l
ed.
Hel ef
tanot eonaTupper war einthefr
idge: Eatup
mummy ,daddywi l
lbehomesoon.
Iopenedt heTupperwareandt herewasl asagne.I
smiledtomy selfwhil
ereheati
ngit;Iatemor ethan
twoser v
ingsandt henstar
tedwi t
hKr i
s’brownies.
Shegott hereandIwassi t
ti
ngont hecouch
watchingsomesnakeshow, Ikeptdosingof f.She
walkedinandhuggedme, “Youlookamazi ng.”
Me:
Gosht
hewayy
oucanl
i
e.
Her
:I’
m ser
ious,
youshouldhav
eseenme,
andIwas
r
eadytopopat5mont hs.
Wechat t
edabi tandgotdownt obusi ness, we
spokeaboutt heshow, McCai nwant edmet odoan
adv ertandchoppedwant edmet obeoneoft heir
j
udges.Thi swasal lt
ooexci ti
ng, t
headv ertwouldbe
doneaf tershoot i
ngmyshow, andchoppedwant ed
mei n12mont hst i
me.Nowt hatwast ricky.Iwas
planningonspendi ngay earwi t
hmybabybef or
eI
wentbackt owor k,butitwassuchagr eatdeal andI
coul dn’trefuse.Ihadt ospeakt oKhenanabouti t,
butdi dIr eally?ItoldKr i
st otryandgett hem to
i
ncr easet heof fer
,andIwoul dgivet hem ananswer
i
n2weeks.Thenshespokeaboutt het opi cIwas
dreadi ng,announci ngthepr egnancy .Idi dn’t
under standwhyIhadt odoi t;everyoneknows
alreadyt hatIam pr egnantwi thamar riedman’ s
child.Nonet helessshebookedmeani ntervi
ewwi th
TrueLov eandi twasgoi ngtobeacov erst orywith
bot hmeandKhenan.Af t
erourmeet ingIgav eher
thebr owni esandshel eft.
AstheweekwentonKhenanandIwerespendi
ng
moreandmoreti
metogetherandever
ythi
ng
seemedtobegoi
ngbacktonormal.Wewenttothe
doctortogetherformyscan, hewaswayt ooexci
ted.
Hewant edtoknowt hesexoft hebaby,butIwanted
tokeepi tasecretunti
lthelastminut
e.Hewas
naggingmeaboutwant ingtost ar
tonthenursery
andbeingmeIst il
lwasn’texci
ted.
Ihadn’tseent hegirl
si nawhi l
esoIsetupadi nner
atmyhouse.Iwentoutt odoshoppi ngt hemor ning
of,andtodomyhai r.Ihadn’ tbeent ot hesal oni nI
don’tknowhowl ong.Myhai rwassot hickandhad
grownatl east5inchesl onger.Ilikedi n,butdi dn’t
hav et
heener gytot akecar eofi t.Iwant edtocuti t
al
l off
;Isatdowni nMar i
o’schairsi ncemyr egul ar
guywasn’ tthere;
andt oldhimt ochopi talloff.He
stoodbehi ndmenotsur ewhet hert olistent omeor
not.Her eachedfort hesci ssorsandhel dmyhai r
andclosedhi seyes, “Don’ty oudar e.”Ilookedup
andsawKhenanst andi ngbehi ndus, Mar i
ol etouta
si
ghofr elief
.
Me:
Whatdoy
out
hinky
ou’
redoi
ng?
Khenan:St
oppi
ngy oufrom maki
ngadeci
si
ony
ou
wil
lregr
etatal
aterstage.
GoshIwasfur
ious,butmaybehewasr
ight
,“Wel
l
whatdoyousuggestIdo?”
Him:Washandmakecor nrowsthatcomet othetop
ofherheadlikeafunnybunthi
ngy.Butdon’tputthat
ext
ensionrubbish,
withhernat
uralhai
r.I
tislong
enoughri
ght?
Mari
onoddedandgottowashi
ng,Khenanfol
lowed
usaroundwat
chi
ngli
keahawk,“Babyhaveyou
eat
en?”
Me: Yeah,butIcouldreal
lydowi
thsomef r
ozen
yoghurt.Therei
st hi
sreal
lyni
ceplacearoundt he
corner,getmev anil
l
aandchocolate.Butseparat
e,i
n
thechocolategethundredsandthousands;thenin
thevanill
agetsmar ti
es.
Hi
m:Youar
ejoki
ngr
ight
?
Me:Ofcour
senot,
andmaket
hem l
arge.Thei
r
r
egul
arisawful
l
ysmall
.
Hewalkedoutrol
linghisey es.Mari
ostart
edwith
pl
ait
ingmyhairasi nst
ructedbyKhenan.Hewas
doi
ngagr eatj
ob,butstart
edshakingwhenKhenan
gotback.Hehandedmet hef r
ozenyoghurt
,“wher
e
i
stheot
herone?
”
Hi
m: I
twasgoi
ngtomelt,eatt
hatoneIwi
l
lgett
he
ot
heronewhenyou’
redone.
Me:
ButIwant
edt
hechocol
atef
ir
st(
sul
ki
ng)
Hi
m:Noy
oudi
dn’
t,
don’
ttr
ypl
ayi
ngsmar
twi
thme.
Me:
Don’
tyouhav
esomewher
etobe?
Hi
m:Nope,
whydoy
ouwantmet
ogo?
Me:
You’
rer
uini
ngmysal
onexper
ience.
Herol
ledhi
sey
es,
“fi
ne,
I’
ll
beback.ButI
’
m dr
ivi
ng
youhome.”
Me:Idr
ovemycarher
e,wher
eyougoi
ngt
oleav
e
your
s?
Hi
m:It
hink2st
epsahead,
Char
li
edr
oppedmeof
f.
Ohmywor dthismanwast oomuch.Het ookmycar
keysandwent .Anhourl aterhewalkedinwiththe
otherfr
ozeny oghur t,
Ididn’twanti
tanymor ebutI
wasn’tgoingt olethim seei t
.It
ookitandstart
ed
eati
ngit;thechocol atewassomuchf orme.Ikept
gagging.Iplaceditont hecounterandtotall
y
i
gnor edi
t.Heglancedatmeandt henbackathi
s
phone.20mi nut
eslaterIwasdone,hepai
dandwe
l
eft.Igotint
othepassengerseatandwedroveoff
.
Hi
m:Babywher
eisy
oury
oghur
t?
Me:
Ohshi
tIf
orgoti
tatt
hesal
on.
Hi
m:Mustwegobackandgeti
t?
Me:No,don’
twor
ryabouti
t,Ihav
esomei
nmy
f
reezer
.
Il
iedthroughmyteeth.Hedi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ng,we
droveforali
tt
lewhil
ethenhesai
d,“
Babypl
ease
checkyourphone,Isenty
ouafewmessages
earl
ier
.”
Shitmyphonehadbeenonsi lentthewhol etime,I
readthefir
stmessage: Iknowy outoowel l
,these
aretoomuchf ory ouandy ouwon’ tfinishthem.I ’
ll
bri
ngt hevanil
lafirst,butyoubei ngt hedr amaqueen
weal l
knowar egoi ngtocompl ain.Event hough
deepdowny ouknowy oudon’ treall
ylikechocol ate.
Andbyt hetimet hechocol atecomesy ouwi llbet oo
fedupandwi l
lnotev eneathal fofitletalonef i
nish
i
t.Iloveyou;youl ookcut er eadingthismessageand
r
eal
i
zingIknowy
out
hatwel
l
.
Ihel
dmysmi leback,
Ididn’
twanthimtoseehewas
ri
ghtsecondmessage:Haha,you’
retooador
abl
e.I
seeyousmili
ng.
Lastmessage:
Ilov
eyou.
Iputtheponei
nmybag,“nopenomessages.
”He
chuckledt
ohimsel
fanddrov
ehome.
[
11/
23,
16:
24]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode43

(
Ali
tt
lesexscene.
..
.pl
easebewar
ned)

Whenwegothomeheunpackedt hecarandt ook

everyt
hingtotheki
tchen.Heopenedt hefri
dgeto
seeifIhadeatenandl aughedatt heal mostempty
Tupperware,hepeepedbehi ndthef ri
dgedoor.And
l
aughedr i
ghtinmyf ace,thi
sboywassoannoy ing.
Hewasget ti
ngonmyl astnerve;Ilefthiminthe
kit
chenandsatont hecouchchecki ngmyemai l
s.
ThenIgotanemai lfrom thatsmal lboy,Idi
dn’t
respond.Khenancamei nwi thi
cet eaandsatnext
t
ome,
“Babe…”
Hi
m:y
esmyl
ove.
Me:
TrueLov
ewant
stodoacov
eri
nter
viewwi
thme.
Hi
m:t
hat
’sni
cebabe,
aboutt
her
est
aur
ant
s?
Me:
Wel
lthatt
oo,
butaboutt
hebaby
.
Him:Whydot heyhavetoknow,whatdot
heywant
toknow?Youhadsexandnowt herei
sal
if
e
growi
nginyou.Fini
shedandklaar
.
Me:
Whyy
ougott
obet
hatway
.
Him: Ijustdon’tunder
standwhypeopleal
wayswant
tobei notherpeoples’busi
ness.Di
dtheedi
torput
herselfont hecoverwhenshehadherchil
dren?
Me:
Idon’
tknow.
Hi
m:di
dyouask?
Me:
No.
Hi
m:May
bey
oushoul
dhav
e.
Me:
Whyar
eyoubei
ngsomeant
hough?
Hi
m:becauset
heyj
ustwantt
omakeascandal
wheretherei
sn’
tone.Nextt
hingGQwil
lcall
and
wanttoint
ervi
ewmeandaskwhyIgoty oupr egnant
whenIwasst i
ll
marri
ed.Doyouunder
standwhat
t
hatwilldoformybusi
nesses?
Me:Soit
’sal
labouty
ourbusi
ness.Soyouare
embar
rassedaboutt
his?Am Ij
ustascandal
toy
ou?
Igotupandwentupstair
s,leav
inghi
m withhi
s
stupi
dicetea.Iwassothi
rstyt
hough.Hecamei nt
o
theroom wit
haglassformeandputi tonmyside
tabl
e.
Him: BabyIj
ustdon’
tunderstandwhypeopleneed
toknow, t
henextmonthitwillbeKhensanionthe
coverandshewillbet
ell
ing‘hersi
deoft hest
ory’i
s
thatsomethi
ngy ouwant
?
Me:Butwearei
nthist
oget
her,
yougett
obei
nthe
i
nter
viewwi
thme.Iti
sourst
ory.
Hi
m:Me?Nope,
nowt
hati
snothappeni
ng.
Me:
Fine.
It
urnedaroundandsl
eptfaci
ngtheot
herway.I
st
artedsni
ffi
ngandtr
yingtohol
dthet
earsback.I
faileddi smal lyandst artedsobbi ng.Hedi dn’tsay
any thinghej ustcuddl edmeandIf ell
asl eep.Itwas
5:30whenIwokeupandst art
edpani cking.My
guest swoul dbeher ei n30mi nut esandIhadn’ t
ev enst artedcooki ng.Iwashedmyf aceandbr ushed
myt eethandr andownst ai
rs.Khenanwasi nthe
kitchensi ngingalongt oclassi
cal musi ci noneofmy
apr ons.Hel ookedupatmewhenIcamei nt othe
kitchen, “Ohnohoney , yourguest scan’ tseey ou
l
ooki ngliket hat.Gogetr eady.
”Hepoi ntedme
upst airsandcont inuedcooki ng.Hepai dmenomi nd
aftert hat, Iwalkedupst ai
rstogetr eady.Ishower ed
andwenti ntothecloset ,Icouldn’tweary ogapant s;
i
twasadi nnerpar tyforcr yi
ngoutl oud.If ounda
dressont hehangerwi thanot eoni t
:St epaway
from t hey ogapant s,sexymamai scomi ngout
toni ght.
Igiggl
edtomy sel
fandKhenanwal
kedinwitha
glassofwineandhandeditt
ome.Ilookedathi
m,
“babyyouknowIcan’tdr
ink.
”
Hi
m:Whosai
dany
thi
ngaboutal
cohol
?
It
ookasi
pandi
twasanal
cohol
freesangr
iat
ast
ing
dri
nk.Ismi led,“nowl et’
sgety ouintothisdr
ess.”I
t
wasar oyalbluebandagedr ess,sl
eevelessuptomy
knees.Itfit
tedper fectl
y,Ihadenoughr oom to
breatheandheboughtmat chingmor ni
ngshoes.I
smiledandl ookedathi m,“notagain.Babyplease
don’tcry.
”Ihel dthet earsbackandt hebuzzerwent
off,“
fini
shupI ’
l
l l
etthem in.”

Iputonsomemakeupandanudel i
psti
ckandwent
downst airst omeett hegir
ls.Ev eryonewasl ooking
gorgeous; theywer eal l
sit
tingar oundi nthel ounge
l
isteningt oKhenanandhi sst ori
es.Theywer e
giggli
ng, Iwal kedi nandcl earedmyt hough, “and
thereshei sl adies, themostbeaut i
fulwomani nthe
wor l
d.”Theyal llaughedandcamet ohugme.Mbal i
wast heonl yonewhohadseenme; ther esthad
seent hehor r
iblepi cturestakeni nEngl andofmei n
sweat pants.Phumewasal readyt ipsy,“Khenanwhat
hav eyoubeengi vingt hem?Theyar ealltoochi rpy.
”
Hej ustshr uggedwi thami schiev oussmi le,“Ladies
thisway .”Hel eadusi ntothediningr oom, hehad
setthet ableandl itthecandl es; i
twasj ustf antasti
c.
Hepul l
edoutachai rattheheadoft hetableforme,
“Myqueen. ”Isatdownatt heheadoft hetableand
alltheothergirl
ssatonei thersi
deofme, hekissed
mycheekandt hetearsjuststar
tedrol
lingdownmy
face.Thiswasj ustsosweetofhi mi twast oomuch,
IknowIwassi ll
ytocr y
;buthehadout donehimself.
Theef f
orthehadputi ntof i
xi
ngt hi
ngswas
i
ncr edi
bleandhav inghim backinmyl ifeatthi
s
momentwasexact lywhatIneeded.Hehandedmea
napkinandki ssedmycheekagai n,hesmi l
edand
disappearedintothekitchen.
Sam:IwishDar
renwoul
ddosomet hi
ngli
kethi
sfor
me;goshheissuchal
azybum Ican’
tdeal
.
Weal llaughed.Khenancamei nwi t
hourstart
ers;
thiswast hestarterIhadplannedonmaki ng.Iletit
gobecauseIf i
gur edhesawt heingredi
entsand
knewwhatt omake.Hewasdoi ngsuchagr eatjob,
thedrinkswer eflowingandt hefoodwaswonder f
ul.
Heser vedthedesser tanditwassuper b.Thegirl
s
stayedal i
ttl
ewhi ledri
nki
ngwi neinthelounge,I
foundKhenanl oadingthedishwasherinthekit
chen.
Me:
Wel
l
?
Hi
m:Wel
lwhat
?
Me:Arey
ougoi
ngt
opl
aydumbwi
thme?Yout
otal
l
y
st
olemywor
k.
Hi
m:No,It
weakedi
tandmadei
tbet
ter
.Youshoul
d
t
hankme.
Me:
Somywor
kwasn’
tgoodenough?
Him:Itwas,minewasj ustbet
ter
.Yout
hinkthe
networkmightletmejoinyouononeofthe
epi
sodes?Iwon’ tchar
ge.
Hehadal itt
lesmi r
konhi sface,Itappedmygl ass
andher ef
ill
editwitht healcohol f
reesangr ia,
“ifyou
conti
nuel ikethi
sImi ghtt hinkabouti t.
”Iwinkedand
walkedawayt ojointhegi rl
s.Theyl eftwellaft
er
10pm andIwasexhaust ed,theev eningwasagr eat
success.IfKhenanwasn’ taroundIdon’ tevenknow
howIwoul dhav ehandl edev eryt
hing.WhenIgott o
thebedr oom hehadr unmeabat h,headdeda
mixtureofr oseandv ani l
labat hoil
s.Thi sman
thoughwasj usttooper fect.Hehel pedmegetoutof
mycl othesandi ntothebat h; hegoti nbehindme
andgav emeabackr ubt il
lIalmostf ellasl
eep.We
fi
nishedbat hingandt hecar riedmet othebedr oom
nakedandpl acedmeont hebed, “Thiswi l
l
appar entlyhelpy ousl eepbet ter.”Hegotout
massageoi l,goshi tsmel tdivine.Her ubbedmy
backandshoul der s,whenhewasdonewi thmy
backhehandedmygownandpl acedmyback
againstt hepi l
lowsandst art
edatmyf eet,Iletouta
mi nimoanwi t
heachst roke.Hemassagedupmy
l
egsandt hecal ves, Ihadmyey escl osedand
relaxedmybodyt ohi st ouch.If el thi sli
psonmy
thighandev erysi nglehai ronmybodyst ood.He
pausedawhi lewai t
ingf orappr ov al,“don’tstop.”He
kissedmeupmyt highsandundi dmygownwi th
onehandwhi let heot hersepar atedmyt hi
ghs, I
didn’tresist
.Hegav emebut terflyki ssesonmy
i
nnert highsandt henki ssedmybel l
y ,whichsent
shockwav est houghmyent i
rebody .Hewentback
downt omyt highs, hegr abbedmeev ersogent l
y
andpl acedmeonmyback, hegav emeababyki ss
onmypeachandwhi sper ed,“ I
’vemi ssedy ou.”Next
thingIf el
thiswar mt onguel appi ngawayatmy
peachandIcoul dn’thel pmy sel fbutmoan, Ibitmy
l
owerl i
pandgr abbedont othecov erswi thbot h
hands, “ohbaby …ohmy …”Hest artedwor ki
nghi s
tonguef asterandhar der,heputaf ingerinmeand
startedwor kinginsi deme.mybodyst arted
twitchi ngintoanor gasm andhedi dn’ tstop,I
screamedandIcamehar dinhismout handhest i
l
l
didn’tst opmywhol ebodywasshaki ngandI
cli
nchedmykneest oget herholdi nghi shead
betweent hem.Onl yt hendi dhest op, mybody
twitchedonce, t
wi ceandmyl egswer eshaking.He
pulledhi sheadawayf r
om myf ount ainandki ssed
myi nnert highsagai nandIt wit
ched.Hecameup
andki ssedme, “arey ouokay ?
”Ij ustnodded, he
tri
edent eri
ngmef rom t hetopbuti twasn’ teasy.He
swungmyl egov erandIwasonmysi de,her ubbed
hispeni sgent l
yont heopeni ngofmypeachand
thent riedtoent er .Ti ght,hisheadcoul dn’
tgoi n;he
pulledbackandr epeat edabout5t i
mesbef orehe
enter edme.Hal fhi smanhoodi nsideandIf elt
anot heror gasm comi ng.Hemov edsogent l
e, hi
s
rhythm sosof t
.Hel eanedi nandki ssedmyl i
ps, I
coul dt ast
et racesofmyj ui
cesonhi sl i
psand
tongue.Hei nsertedt her estofhimsel fintomeandi t
fi
ttedl ikeat ightgl ov e,mywal l
ssuckedhi mi nashe
gent l
ymov edi nside.Iwasbui ldingupagai nandhe
l
etoutasmal lcry,“ohbaby ,no. ”hest ar t
edmov ing
fasterandonhi sthirdst r
okeIcame, mywal l
s
ti
ght enedhar dar oundhi smanhood, “ohmygod
babyy ou’r
eawesome. ”Hest r okedf ast erandal i
tt
le
bitdeeper ,nextt hinghi sbodywenthar d,
“Tha…Thandoooo. ”Hisbodyt wi t
ched, andst opped.I
felthimj erkinsidemeacoupl eoft i
me, “
Babe, oh…
baby .”Hecol lapsedbehi ndmeandwasqui etfora
whi l
ebr eathi
ngsl i
ght l
yheav i
ly .Finall
yhegotupand
pulledhi mselfoutofme, het ur nedmebackont omy
backandki ssedmyl i
ps,“Imi ssedy ou…Il ovey ou
somuch. ”Ismi l
edbackathi m, “
Ilovey out oo.”He
gotupt ofetchat owel f
rom t hebat hroom he
cleanedmeupandt hencl eanedhi msel fup.Wegot
i
nt obedspooni ngandf ellasleepi nst
ant ly.

Iwalkedont
othesetofmyTVshow, wewouldstart
fi
lmi
ngi n3daysti
meandIwasexci t
ed.Ihadso
muchenergyitwascr
azy,Iwasinmyt hi
rdtr
imester
;
mybabywasheal t
hyandIwasstarti
ngtofeel
exci
tedaboutbei
ngamother.KhenanandIhad
star
tedl
ookingatf
urnit
ureforthenurser
y;hehad
star
tedbuyi
ngbabyclothes.It
hinkhewasmor e
exci
tedthenIwasactuall
y.
Thehousewewer eusingwashousebyt hebeach
witht hemostbeaut i
fulki
tchenIhav eseen,andI
haveseenal otofgorgeouskitchens.Wewal ked
aroundt hehouseandt hepat i
o;thi
swasgoi ngt obe
perfectforthemenusIwasgoi ngt odo.Krisspoke
tothenet workaboutget t
ingKhenanont heshow,
andi twasnotapr oblem itwouldbeputonpaper .I
l
eftandwentt omeett hegirl
sforlunch;Idon’ tknow
howi thappenedt hateveryonewasf reeatthesame
ti
me.Mbal iorder
edabot tl
eofchampagne“ Isn’tit
tooear l
yforadr i
nk?”everyonegav emeal ookand
l
aughed, “
Whatguy s?It’
sonly12h30.”
Sam:
Youar
ethel
astper
sont
otal
k.
Me:
Whaty
oumean?
Phume:You’
rel
i
ket
hebi
ggestal
cohol
i
cev
er,
you
dr
inkat6am.
Mbal
i:
Youknowit’
strue,
don’
tjudgeme,
youj
ust
j
eal
ousyoucan’
tdr
ink.
Me:Iact
ual
lycandr
inkoneuni
tofal
cohol
aweek,
sopl
ease.
Wehadl unchandev eryoneheadedbackt owor k,
howt heywer egoingt owor kint heirst at
esonl ylord
knows.Idr ov ehome, whenIopenedt hedoort here
wasabr ownenv elopeont hef l
oor .Real l
y, bending
wasn’teasy ;Ipickedi tupandwal kedi nt
ot he
kit
chen,itwassohotandIpour edsomej ui ceand
wentintot hel oungewi ththeenv elope.Ist ar edatit
forawhile; thelastenv elopeIf oundl y
ingar oundl ed
met oZenon.Iwonderwhatt hi
swas.Iopenedi tand
i
twasadi vor cedecr ee,Istaredatt hecour t
document s.I twasacer ti
fi
edcopy ,thi
spr ov edthat
KhenanandKhensani wer eof fi
cial l
yov er.Buthow?
Shecouldn’ thav egonedownwi thoutaf ight .Ihadn’t
seenany thingi nthepaper s, Iwasconf usedwhyi t
wasinmyhouse.Myphoner ang, i
twasKhenan, “di
d
youfindmypackage? ”
Me:
Youmeany
ourdi
vor
cedecr
ee?Yes…bab-
Khenan:
Isn’
titgr
eat
,thisi
sthebestnewsever
.I’
m
goi
ngtomeetupwi t
hy ourpar
ent
sr i
ghtnow.
Me:
Whatf
or?
Khenan:Toasky
ourhandi
nmarr
iage,
Zenonand
Dumisaniar
emeeti
ngmein15mins.
Me:Baby,
don’
tdothis.That
’snothowt
hingsar
e
doneandIdi
dn’
tagreetomar r
yyou.
Khenan:
BabyIgott
ogo,
I’
ll
seey
oul
ater
.

Hecutt hecall
.Fuck,whatt hehell
.Ihadn’ttol
dmy
parentsaboutZenonandt heyweregoingt ofi
ndout
thisway.Khenanknewj usthowtomesst hi
ngsup.I
dialedDumi,andhedi dn’tpi
ckupIt r
iedthehouse
phoneandmom pi ckedup, “heymommy ,howare
you? ”
Her
:I’
m al
ri
ghtmyangel
Iwasj
ustaboutt
ocal
-
Me:
I’
m sor
ryt
ocuty
ouof
f,i
sdadt
her
e?
Her
:Nohewentt
omeetupwi
thKhenan.
Me:
Okay
,I’
l
ltal
ktoy
oul
ater
.
Her
:Wha-
Icutt
hecal
landdi
aledZenon,
heanswer
ed,
“Hey
baby.
”
Me:Zee,Khenani
sheadi
ngt
oyour
ightnowwi
th
Dumisani
.
Zenon:Theyj
ustwal
kedi
nnowact
ual
l
y,I
’
llcal
lyou
l
aterbaby.
Hecutt hecal l,
ohshit.Whatthehel l,
Khenanwas
goingtoaskf ormyhandi nmar ri
ageDumi saniwas
goingtofreak.Thati snothowwedot hingsinour
cul
ture,Zenonont heotherhandpr obablywontmi nd.
Iwasdead; Ihadn’tt
oldeveryoneaboutZenon, what
i
fDumi sani recogniz
eshim?Mypar entswer egoi
ng
tobesomad.Andwor stpartisIwoul dhav etodeal
wit
hi tandKhenanwoul dn’tevenbebot hered.He
shouldhav espokent omeaboutt hisbeforemaking
anydecisions.Ineededt hatoneuni tofalcoholnow.
[
11/
23,
16:
24]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode44

*
***
***
***
***
***Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
Idroppedthecall
soquicklyonThandobef oreshe
evenshoutedatme.Shecoul dn’
tfindoutaboutmy
plan,orel
seIwouldbetoast.Idrovetothe
restaur
antandmetupwi thDumi saniashewas
walkinginweshookhandsaswewal kedtowar ds
Zenon.Zenoncuthiscall
andst oodup, “Noway s,
quedemoni os!
”HehuggedDumi saniandpi cked
him up.
Dumi
sani
:Youar
edeadmyf
ri
end!
Zenon:Comeonnowyouknowme,
your
eal
l
ythi
nk
theycoul
dhol
dme?Comesit.
Weal
lsatdown,
“Soy
ouguy
sknoweachot
her
?”
Zenon:Deeoverher
eisonebadass;
wehadsome
busi
nesstoget
heradecadeago.
Dumisani:
Well,
notbadl
i
key ou.Justsmar
ter
,you
getcaughtbutme(hewi
nked)
Weal ll
aughedandchattedabit,
every
thi
ngwas
goingverywell
.Wehadl unchandthenIstar
ted,“
I
broughtyoutwotogetherforar
easonactual
ly.I
wanttomar ryThando.
”
Dumi
sani
putdownhisglassandlookedatme,
“So
whyi
sheher
e?”Helooksconfused.
Zenon:
Wai
tist
hisThando’
sadopt
edf
ather
?
Me: Cal
m downeveryone,wewereal
llaughi
ngnota
secondago.Dumisani,Zenoni
sThando’sbi
ologi
cal
fat
her.ShefoundoutthetimeshewenttoMexicoa
fewmont hsago.
Dumi sani
:Whyhasn’
tshementi
onedanythi
ngtome
though?Didshehel
pgetyououtofpr
ison?Youare
getti
ngmydaughter’
shandsdi
rt
y?
Hegotupandal mostf li
ppedthet able, hestormed
outandZenonf oll
owedhi m.Ileftmoneyont he
tabl
eandf ol
lowedt hem; theywer eont hebeach
havi
ngaheat edar gument .Ir
anupt ot hem andthey
werescreamingateachot her.Isepar atedthem,
“Guys,
cany oubot hjustcalm down.Wehav et o
worktogetherhere.Thandodi dn’thelpZeeoutof
pri
sonIdidactually.Youcanr elaxshehadno
part
akinginit
,shei sclean.Canweal l t
alknow? ”
Dumisani:
Yougetmydaught
eri
nvol
vedinanyof
thi
sshitIwil
lki
l
lyouwi
thmyownbarehands.
Zenon:Whyyoul
ooki
ngatme,i
t’
sherdrugl
ord
boyf
riendy
oushoul
dbeworr
iedabout
.
Il
ookedatZenon,
“ar
eyouser
iousr
ightnow?
”
Dumisani
:What
?Yout
hinkIwi
l
llety
oumar
rymy
daught
er?
Me:Dumisani
;wi
thal
lduer
espectsi
rbuty
ouar
ethe
l
astper
sontobetal
ki
ng.
Helookedatmeshocked,
“Whatdi
dyousayt
ome
boy
? ”
Me:
ImeanJoseAgost
o,Paul
Lir
-
Dumisani
:Youdon’
tknowwhaty
ou’
ret
alki
ngabout
.
Shutthef
uckup.
Me:Idi
dn’tbr
ingyououtheretofi
ghtorbr
ingupold
f
il
es.Iwanttomarryyourdaught
erandIwantusto
makemoneyt oget
her
.Youbot hknowwheretofi
nd
meoncey oustopact
ingli
ketoddl
ers.

It
urnedar oundandwalkedaway,Iwasshi
tt
ingi
n
mypant s.Ijustspokel
i
kethatt
otwonotori
ousdr
ug
l
ords.Igotintomycarandspedof f
.Ist
oppedal
ong
thef
reewayandhadacigar
ett
e.Noneofthem cal
l
ed
me,whatthehel
lwasIt
hinki
ng?Igoti
ntothecar
andheadedovert
oThando.

TheminuteIsteppedintot
hehouseIheardheryel
l
fr
om t
hekitchen,“KhenanDeCost
agety ourf
ucken
assi
nhere.”Shit
,Iwalkedi
ntotheki
tchenandshe
washoldi
ngakni fe.
Me:Putt
hatdownbef
orey
ouhur
tyour
sel
f.Your
dad’
ssayhi
.
Il
iedthroughmyt eet
h,sheplacetheknif
eonthe
ki
tchencount erandherv oi
cesof t
en,j
ustabi
t.Iwas
happywi t
hthat,“howcoul dyou?Itwasnotyour
pl
acet otel
lthem, youhadnor ight.
”
Me:BabyIwasjustexci
tedaboutthedi
vor
ceand
want
edtofindoutwhattheprocessisf
rom her
e.
Shesofteneddownali
tt
lebitmore,
“ha,Ihav
en’t
evenagreedtomarr
yyou.youdidn’
tevenask.”She
rol
ledhereyes,
“So?
”
Me:
So?
Her
:Sohowdi
ditgo?
Me:Wel
lletusjustsaywe’
rest
il
ltal
ki
ng,
youwantt
o
knowwhat’
sfunnythough?
Her
:What
?
Me:
Yourf
ather
sact
ual
l
yknoweachot
her
Her:What
,that
’si
mpossi
ble.Zeeisadrugl
ordand
daddyi
sthecomplet
eopposite,
never
!!
Me:Theyhav
emut
ual
fri
ends,
ist
hatal
i
ttl
ebi
t
bet
ter
?
Her
:May
be.
MyphoneranganditwasDumisani,
“Hey
,Iwasj
ust
t
alki
ngtoThandoaboutourmeeti
ng.”
Dumisani
:Wear
ereadyt
otal
kbusi
ness,
tel
lus
wher
eandwhen.

*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*
Istar
tedshootingt
heshowanditwassomuchf un.
Ihadguests,andatonepoi
ntIhadmygirl
sover.
Thefoll
owingcoupleofweekswerebusy
.Khenan
andmydadswer emeet i
ngmor eandmor eoft en,I
don’tknowwhattheywer edi scussingbecause
mom hadn’ tment
ionedany thing.Iwasget ti
ng
biggerbytheday,butenergyl evel
swerehi gh.The
showgotr eall
ygr
eatreviewsandt heepisodewi t
h
Khenangotus20%mor eviewer ,i
twasamazi ng.
Thedayoft heintervi
ewcameandi twasgoingtobe
heldatmyhouse.Iwal keddownst air
sandthere
werepeopleevery where, breakf astwassetout .
Theysetupachangi ngr oom i noneoft hespare
roomsdownst air
s, Il
ookedf orKhenanandIcoul dn’
t
fi
ndhim anywhere.Iwasl edi ntothechanger oom
andtheystart
edwi t
hmymakeupandhai r
.
Someoneboughtmebr eakf ast; It
ookasi pofthe
j
uiceandspatitout ,“t
her eisal coholinthi
s.”
Gi
rl:I
’
m sor
ryma’
am;
Imusthav
etakent
hewr
ong
dr
ink.
Shetooktheglassandr anoutther oom,nowIwas
j
ustpissedof
f.Ipickedupt hephoneanddi al
ed
Khenanbutwentst r
aighttovoicemailwhichmade
meev enangr
ier.Iatethefoodast hegir
ldidmy
faceandthemandi dmyhai r
,nextwaswar dr
obe.I
mustsayt heoutfi
tswer ev erynice,bestpar tisIget
tokeepthem afterthei
nt erview.Igotdr essedi nthe
fi
rstout
fitIwasal ongfloraldr ess,yel
l
owwi th
fl
owers.Iwalkedoutoft her oom bar efooted, I
grabbedastrawber r
yatt hetabl eandgotmy sel
f
properj
uicefrom myf r
idge, didn’ttr
ustthem
anymore.Iclosedthefridge, “youlookamazi ng.”
Me:
Hmm
Hi
m:Whathav
eIdonenow?
Me:
Wher
ewer
eyou?
Hi
m:Int
heotherr
oom get
ti
ngr
eady
.Wher
eel
se
woul
dIbe?
Me:
Yourphone?
Him:Don’tknowwher
eiti
s,It
hinkiti
supstai
rs.Last
Icheckeditwasof
fandIcoul
dn’tf
indacharger.
Me:
Ok.
Hi
m:What
’swr
ongnowbaby
?
Me:It
’shotandt
hatstupi
dgi
rlser
vedmeami mosa,
l
ikecanshenotseethatI
’
mfuckenpregnant
?
Thel
adyi
nter
viewi
nguscamei
n.
Her
:Ev
ery
onecanseet
hat
Shegi ggledandIsmi ledsl i
ght ly.Weshookhands
andshegav eusar undownofhowt hedaywoul dgo.
Wespentt henext4hour staki ngpi ctur
eswehad
l
unchandt henf inall
ythei nterv i
ew, wehadgot ten
thequest i
onspr iorsoi twaseasi erf orust oanswer
thequest i
ons.Butt hiswomanwasget ti
ngonmy
ner v
esshekeptaski ngquest ionst hatwer enoton
thelist.Wemanagedt oanswerhercur veballs
accor dinglyunt ilshement ionedKhensani andher
pregnancy .Khenant ensedup, andhehel dmyhand.
Iunder stoodwhy ,hedi dn’twantt osayt hathi s
brotherwast hefatheroft hechi l
d.Thatwoul dn’tbe
agoodi magef orthef ami ly,andhedi dn’twantt o
makeherseem l i
keabi tch; allthoughshewas.I
thinkheanswer edthequest ionqui etwel l,
“the
i
nt ervi
ewi sher et ofocusonourbaby ,meand
Thando.Al l Icansayi sev eryonei ncludingy ourself
,
sincey oui nt ervi
ewedher ,knowst hatmywi feandI
aresepar ated.Thatmeansshei sf reetohav ea
babywi thwhom ev ersheseesf it, andIam
ext
remel
yhappyf
orher
.AndIsuppor
ther100
per
cent
.”
Theinter
viewendedIwast i
red,t
heypackedupand
l
eft,i
twasnowwel laft
er3pm, Ij
ustwantedt
ot ake
alongbathandsleep.Khenancamei nasIsoaked
i
nt hebath,“
areyouok?”
Me:
Yeah.
Hi
m:t
henwhyar
eyoupul
l
ingaf
ace?
Me:
Wel
l
,it
’snot
hing.
Hi
m:Not
hando.
Me:Whydidn’
tyout
ell
them t
haty
ouandKhensani
wer
ediv
orced?
Hi
m: Baby,
iti
ssoon.Thedivor
cewasj
ustfi
nali
zed
2daysago.Ij
ustwantKhensanit
oadj
ustbef
orewe
gopubli
c.
Ikeptquiet
,hewasl yingtome, samewayhel i
ed
aboutleavi
ngt hedruggame.Igotoutthebathand
putloti
ononmybodyanddr essedinmypajamas.I
satont hebedwi t
hmyl aptopandsearchedforbaby
fur
nitur
eonline.Khenanfini
shedwi t
hhisshower
andhecametositnextt
omeandkissedmeonmy
shoul
der
.Hi
m: BabyyouknowIl
oveyouri
ght
?
Me:
Iknow.
Him:Ihavetogooutoftownforali
tt
le,outofthe
countr
yactual
l
y.ButIam notgoi
ngfar,
I’l
lbein
Botswana.
Me:
Why
?
Hi
m: Busi
ness,I
’m goingtol
ookatpot
ent
ial
bui
ldi
ng
t
here.Iwi
llonl
ybet heref
oraboutt
woweeks
maximum.Iwillcal
lyouever
ydaybaby
,don’
tworr
y.
Me:
Ok
Icont inuedwi thwhatIwasdoi ng,andhest art
ed
packi ng.Hewasser i
ouslyleav i
ngt onight?Ilethi
m
be, Iwasn’ tgoingtof i
ghtwi thhim.Igoti nt obedand
hegoti nnextt omeandcuddl edwi thme, Iwas
fumi ng.Ipr etendedtofallasleepandst arted
pretendi ngt osnore.Idon’tthinkIev ensnor ewhenI
sleepbutheseemedt obel i
ev eme.Hequi etl
ygot
outofbed, gothisbagandl eft
.Iwai tedabout10
mi nutesandl ookedatt hesecur i
tyf ootaget oseeif
hewasr eallygone.
Idi
aledDumi
sani
,“Heydaddy
.”
Hi
m:How’
smybabygi
rldoi
ngt
oday
?
ME:
I’
m al
ri
ght
.Iwant
edt
oseei
fwecanhav
elunch
t
omorr
ow?
Hi
m:Tomorrowisn’
tgoodbaby
;Iwil
lbeoutoft
own
f
orawhil
e.Butmaybeyouandyourmom canhavea
l
adi
esday.
Me:
Iwant
edt
ospeakaboutKhenanandZenon.
Him:Don’
tworryabouti
tbaby
,Iunder
standandmay
haveover
react
edabit.
Me:Khenant
oldmet
haty
ouandZenonar
eol
d
f
ri
ends.
Hi
m: Iwoul
dn’
tsaywearef r
iendsexact
ly,
I’
ll
tel
lyou
al
labouti
twhenIgetback.Ineedtorunnowbaby .
Me:
Alr
ightDadwi
l
lseey
ouwheny
ou’
reback.

Hecutthecal
l;heseemedsododgywhenIasked
hi
m aboutZenon.Imademysel
fahotchocol
ateand
satdownbymyl aptop.IgoogledZeeagainand
knownassoci
ates.Iclosedthelapt
op,whatwasI
thi
nki
ng?Mydadwoul dn’tbei
nvolv
edwithsucha
beast
.Hewenttochur chandwor kedhardever
yday ,
hewasapar t
nerattheaccount i
ngfir
m.Iwaswr ong,
Iwasmadatmy sel
fforev enthi
nki
nghecouldbe
i
nvolvedwi
thZenont hatway .
ButKhenan, nowhewasupt osomet hingandIwas
goingt ogett othebot tom ofit.Butf ornowI
actuallyneededt osl eep.Iwentupst airsandsl ept.I
onlywokeupt henextday .Ididn’thav eany thingt o
do, Istayedinbedt i
l
l Igothungr yandmade
breakfast,Iateint hebedr oom andgotcl eanedup
after.Asperusual Iwasi nmyy ogapant s,
butt oday
washotsoIwor eal azyv est.Iwentt ot hegl ass
housewi thKhensani outoft hepi cture, may be
KhenanandIcoul dmov eintothehouseand
permanent l
yli
v etoget herwi t
ht hebaby .Ilookedat
ther oomst oseewhi chwecoul dt urninanur sery,
ther oom nextdoort ot hemai nbedr oom wast he
perfectsize,butt herewasj usttoomuchgl assand
neededi tclosedup.Icont actedacont r
actorwho
wouldcomet omorrowtoseewhathecoulddot o
theplace;Iwant
edtohaveadoorthatleddi
rect
lyto
thenurser
yf r
om ourbedr
oom.Itookmeasurements
oftheroom andheadedtothedoctorf
ormy
appointment.

Att
hedoct orshedi
dascan, andthenIdi
dthemost
unt
hinkabl
ethingever,
“canIfi
ndoutthesex?
”She
j
ustlookedatme,“areyousure?”
Iwasbei ngselfi
shIknow,butKhenanwasn’ there
andwoul dn’tbebacksoon.Ineededt ost ar
tonthe
nursery,andhowwoul dIdothatifIdidn’tknowthe
sexoft hebaby?Iclosedmyey esandshookmy
head,“whatam It hi
nki
ng;I
’
llwaitti
ll
Khenani s
back.”Shesmi l
edal i
tt
lebi
tinapproval andfini
shed
up.Ilef
tandheadedhome.

Theweekwentbyr at
herqui
ck;Khenanwas
schedul
edbackinafewdaystime.Kali
sawasbei
ng
thenonsenseshenor
mallywas,shewashost
inga
l
unchonSundayandwant edmeandmyf ami
l
yther
e.
Ididn’twanttogother
ebecauseIknewKhensani
wasgoi ngtoalsobethere.Shetookitasfaras
call
ingmymom andCi ndytoinvi
tethem.Mbalihad
thedayof fsoshecamebyoneoft hedays,wewere
sit
tingatthepooli
nourbi ki
nisandmyphoner ang
“hell
o.”
Her
:Thandoi
t’
sme,
howar
eyoudear
.
Me:
IknowKal
i
sa,
cal
l
erI
D.HowcanIhel
pyou?
Her:
Welly
ouknowIcantr
elyont
heseboysIneed
someonetot
akemeshoppi
ngonFri
day.
Me:
Whydon’
tyouaskChar
li
etodr
ivey
ou?
Her
:Hei
sonl
eav
e.
Me:
whataboutKhensani
?
Her
:She’
spr
egnant
.
Me:What
’sthatgott
odowi thanyt
hing?I
’
m7
mont
hspregnantKal
isa,
Khenanwoul dki
l
lmeifhe
sawmebehindthewheel,andyouknowthisas
muchasIdo.
Kali
sa:
Well
thi
ngi
sshei
sjustbei
ngabi
tchandI
don’
twantt
ogowit
hher
,youaremyonl
yfamil
yand
IthoughtI
’dasky
ou.butdon’
twor
rybecausey
ou
don’twantto.
Shewasgui
l
ttr
ippi
ngme,
andIwasn’
tgoi
ngt
olet
hergett
ome.

Me:I’
m sor
ryIcanthel
pKal
i
sa,
butIwi
l
lbet
her
eon
Sunday.
Icutt
hecallandcont
inuedwithMbali.Myphone
rangagai
n,i
twasKhenan, “
Babe,Ihearyoudon’
t
wanttogoshoppingwithKali
sa.
”
Me:
ist
hatwhatshesai
d?
Hi
m: Ha,pr
ett
ymuch.Whydon’
tyouwantt
ogo?I
t
wi
llbefun.
Me:Fi
rst
lyi
twil
lnotbefunyouknowthatj
ustas
muchasIdo,secondl
yIdon’
tfi
tbehi
ndthewheelso
pl
easedon’
tyoudare.
Hi
m:Okbabe,
Iwi
l
lmakeapl
an.
Me:
Whendoy
ougetback?
Hi
m:Uhm,
Ihav
etost
ayal
i
ttl
ebi
tlonger
,Iwi
l
lbe
backFr
idayni
ghtorSat
urdaymor
ning.
Me:
What
’swr
ongnow?
Him:I
’l
ltel
lyoual
laboutitwhenIgetback.How’
s
daddy
’spri
ncessdoing?
Me:
Pri
ncess?I
t’
saboy
…don’
tst
art
.Wear
efi
ne.
Hi
m:Igott
ogo,
I’
ll
cal
lyout
oni
ght
.

Hecutt hecall andseemeddodgy .Thi sboywasup

tosomet hingandIhadn’ tf
oundoutwhy .ButIl
ef ti
t
thatwast helastt hi
ngIhadonmymi ndatt hi
s
presentmoment ,
Mbal iandIwerelooki ngatbaby
furni
tur
eandbyt hetimewewer edonewewer eov er
theR100000budgetKhenanhadgi venme.That
wasonl ythefur nit
ure,Isti
l
lneededt he
i
mpr ovement sdonet otheroom,paintandl i
ghting.
Wel l
Iwasn’ twor r
ied,Khenanwoul dn’tfeelit
,hewas
toobusywor r
iedaboutkeepi ngsecret sawayf rom
me.
[
11/
23,
16:
24]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode45
SundayKhenanandIdr oveust ohi shouse;
everyonewast hereexceptf orZenonandCi ndy.We
wereof fereddr inksaswecamei n,Kalisahada
cateri
ngcompanywhi chmademewonderwhat
shoppingsheneededdone.Shewasj ustspendi ng
moneyf ornor eason; shecouldn’ tcookf or15
people?Ev er y
onewasout sidei nt hegar den, t
he
tablewassetupi tlookedbeaut iful,everyonesat
aroundt het able,ZenonandCi ndywal kedi n.
Khensani ’
smoodsuddenl ychanged, sheseemed
fri
ghtened.Hewentar oundgr eet ingev eryoneand
sheexcusedher selfanddi sappear edintot hehouse.
Wedi dn’tseeherf ort herestoft heaf t
ernoon, itwas
funImustsay ,someofKhenan’ scousi nswer ethere.
Theywer ereallyfri
endl yandIl ikedt hem, wechat ted
whileeat i
ng.Dumi sani andZenonwer ehuddl edup
i
nacor nerhav ingav eryseriousconv ersat i
on.They
l
ookedv erysuspi ciousandcoul dn’thidei t
.Iwal ked
overtot hem, “…anddi dyouseet hatgoal ?”Zenon
saidchangi ngt het opicabrupt l
y .
Dumi
:Ist
il
lsayt
her
eisnogr
eat
erpl
ayert
hanPel
e.
Me:
Whatar
ewedi
scussi
ngher
e?
Dumi
:Soccerhoney
.Howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
Me:I
’
m good,
y outwolookedl
ikey
ouwer
epl
ott
ing
t
orobabankjustaminuteago.
Zenon:
Iwouldn’
trobt
hebankwi
thDumi
sani
her
e,I
don’
twantt
ogetbusted.
Dumi
sani
:OuchI
’
m hur
t(Hehel
dont
ohi
schest
)
Me:
Andwher
edoy
ouknowhowt
orobabank?
Zenon:
Wel
lthi
sonet
ime…
Igav
ehi
mthel
ook,
“Thatwasr
het
ori
cal
.”
Zenon:Li
ght
enupmyangel
,wear
en’
trobbi
nga
bankanyt
imesoon.
Dumisani
:andwhenwedoy
ouwi
l
lbet
hef
ir
stt
o
know.

Ohmygosh, Zenonwasr ubbishof

fonmysweet
fat
her,Ihadtodosomet hingaboutthi
s,Ilef
tthem
togetbacktot hei
rbull
shitandwenttofindKhenan.
Hewaswi t
hhismot her
,Iexcusedhim andIpulled
him away,“
arey ouhappynow? ”
Hi
m:Ofcour
seI
’
m happy
,thi
swasagr
eatl
unch.
Me:
Focus(
Ipoi
ntedov
eratmydads.
)
Hi
m: Ncaaat
hati
ssweet
,Iam aper
fect
matchmaker
.
Me:
Dumi
ist
alki
ngaboutr
obbi
ngabank.
Hi
m:Ineedt
obepar
toft
hatconv
ersat
ion.
Ipunchedhi
m,“
I’
mti
red,
cany
oupl
easet
akeme
home? ”

KhenanandIheadedhome,wesatont
hecouchand
hemassagedmyf eet
,“Baby
.”
Hi
m:Hm.
Me:I
sitmeorKhensani
act
ingaf
terZenonand
Ci
ndywalkedi
n.
Hi
m:Idi
dn’
tnot
iceany
thi
ng.(
Hel
i
ed,
agai
n)
Me:
Hermoodchangedandshedi
sappear
ed.
Hi
m:Babyy
ou’
rej
usti
magi
ningt
hings.
Me:
Hm,
whywassheatt
hel
uncht
hough,
youguy
s
ar
enol
ongermar
ri
ed?
Him:sheisthemotherofmykidst
hatmakesher
famil
y.Nowpleasedropthi
s.Wearenotgoi
ngto
havethi
sdiscussi
onagain.
Me:
oh.
Him: Iact
uall
ywantedtotalktoyouabout
somet hi
ng;Iwasthi
nki
ngt hatmaybeyoucoul
d
mov einwithmefortheremainingmonthsofy
our
pregnancy.
Me:
Why
?
Hi
m: Becauseyouare7mont
hspr
egnant
,andy
ou’
re
al
li
nt hi
shousealone.
Me:
Buty
ouar
eher
e.
Hi
m: Iwor
kalotandIwil
lbetr
av el
l
ingabitmore
t
hanbefor
esoy ouneedt
obear oundpeopleand
maybewecangetyouadoula.
Me:Iwon’
tar
guewi
thy
oubecausei
twi
l
lnotsol
ve
any
thi
ng.
Him:I’
m gl
adyouknowsopackandt
omor
rowni
ght
Iwil
lcomegetyou.
Me:
Wil
lKal
i
sabet
her
etoo?
Hi
m:Yes,
shei
sst
ayi
ngunt
ilt
hebabyi
sbor
n.
Me: Speaki
ngofwhi ch,
Isetupandappoi
ntment
wit
ht hegynecologi
stsothatwecanfi
ndoutthesex
ofthebaby.Iwanttostartpai
nti
ngt
henurser
yand
set
tingeveryt
hingup.
Hi
m:Wheni
stheappoi
ntment
?
Me:
NextweekMonday
.
Hi
m:That
’sper
fect
;I’
l
lbebackbyt
hen.
Me:
Backf
rom wher
e?
Hi
m:Bot
swanababe.
Me:
Agai
n?
Hi
m:Ij
usthaveonemor emeetingwi
tht
heownerof
t
hebui
l
dingthenthedeali
sfi
nished.
Hel i
edagain;thi
swasbecomi ngabadhabi t.Ihave
nevergivenhi
m ar easontoli
et ome,sowhyt he
suddenchange?Thi swasn’tthemanIf elli
nl ove
with;Idon’
tknowwhot hi
sis.Ikeptquietand
pretendedtofall
asleep.Iwokeupi nthemi ddleof
theni
ghtandhewasn’
tthere,
therewasanot estuck
tomycellphone:
Wentt
ot heclub.Supperi
sinthe
oven.

Hewassosweetmademef or
getthathewasact i
ng
l
ikeacompl etearse.Iwentt othekitchenandthere
wasapast abakei ntheov en.Ispoonedsomeout
anditl
ookeddel i
cious,baconandmushr ooms.I
poppediti
nt hemi cr
owav e,whenIt ookitoutt
he
cheesewasoozi ng.Igotjuiceandheadedupst air
s
tomyr oom andat ethere.

Khenancamet opickmeupthatev eni

ngat5pm, we
drovet
ohishouse.Kali
sawasfinishi
ngoffwith
supper
,shecameandhuggedme.Ihadl it
eral
ly
seenherj
usttheotherday
,wast hatevennecessar
y?
“Comethissi
de,Ihavesomeonef oryoutomeet.”
Khenan:
Mom,
whoi
sher
e?
Kal
i
sa:
Ohshutup,
Iwasn’
ttal
ki
ngt
oyou.
Shedr aggedmei nt
otheloungeandt herewasa
l
ady ,probablyinhermidforti
es.Shestoodup,
“Beccat hisisNothando,
Thandot hi
sisy ourdoula
Rebecca. ”IgaveKhenanal ook,wehadn’tagreedon
thi
sandIt hinkRebeccapickedupmyv i
be,“I
’l
lget
going,andl etmeknowwheny ou’r
ereadyf ora
doula.”
Me:Don’
tbesi
l
lyman.Weneedy
ounow,
stay
pl
ease.
Rebecca:
Thanksma’
am.
Me:It
’sThando,don’tcal
lmema’
am.HasKal
i
sa
shownyoutoy ourroom?
Rebecca:
Yesshehast
hanks.
Me:Ok,
Ineedt
olaydownsoIwi
l
lseey
ouguy
sina
bi
t.

Khenanfol
lowedmewi t
hmysui t
casesupthestai
rs
andintohi
sbedroom.It
ookashowerandt hengot
i
ntobed;hecamebackwi thatrayoffood.Wehad
supperwatchi
ngamov i
e,Ifel
lasleep.Iwaswoken
upmyphoner inging;Khenanwasn’
tinbedwi
thme.
Icheckedthet
ime, 21h30.Itwasmymom.The
phonestoppedringingandstart
edagai
n.
Me:
Mom
Her
:Ar
eyousl
eepi
ng?
Me:
Yeah,
what
’swr
ong?
Her:Nothi
ng,
we’
vebeenbuzzi
ngaty
ourgat
efor30
minutesnow.
Me:I’
m notatmypl
ace;
I’
m st
ayi
ngwi
thKhenan
unt
ilIgi
vebir
th.
Her:
Doy oureal
lyt
hinkt
hat
’sagoodi
dea?Youguy
s
ar
en’tmarr
ied.
Me:
Canwet
alkaboutt
hist
omor
rowpl
ease?
Her
:Wear
ecomi
ngov
er.
Me:
Tomor
rowmommy
.

Icutt
hecal
landwenttothet
oilet
,Iwentto
Khenan’
sof
ficeandhewasn’
tthere.Thehousewas
sodark;
Iwentdownst
air
stogetagl assofwater
.
Theslidi
ngdoorwassl i
ghtlyopenandt her
ewer e
voicedcomingfr
om thepat i
o.Iwal kedcloserto
hearwhatwasgoi ngon,“Ican’tdiv
or ceherti
ll
Tareckagreest
omar ryher,andheseemst ohave
disappear
edoffthefaceoft heplanet.”
Kal
i
sa:
Cal
m down,
hewi
l
lcomear
ound.
Khenan:
Youhav
etotal
ktoher.Thisi
sallyourmess
andnowIhavet
osuf
fertheconsequences.
Kalisa: Don’
tyoudar esayt hattome, howmany
ti
meshav eIhadt orescuey ourassfrom being
throwni npr
isonbecauseofsi l
lymistakes?Ifi
t
wasn’ tformey ouwoul dn’
tbewher ey ouare.Now
youhav eonemor epiecetoknockov erti
l
l y
ou’re
king, nowmakesur ethatDi ggerandShar ki
eareon
boar d,youcan’tgoagai nstSpideralone.Idon’twant
yourbodypar tssenttomei npieces.

Iwalkedupst
air
sshokedastowhatIhadheard.
Khenanhadn’
tdivor
cedKhensani
itwasallf
ake?
WhowasDi ggerandShar
kie?Hewasstil
ldeal
ingi
n
drugsaft
erhetol
dmehewoul dstop.Whydidhe
wantt obeki ng?AndwhatdoesKal isameanabout
onemor epiecetoknockov er?WasKhenangoi ngto
kil
lthisSpiderguy?Isatont hebedshaki ngand
sippedonmywat er,
IhearKhenancomi ngupt he
staredandIpr etendedtobeasl eep.Hecamei nand
ther oom fil
l
edwi t
hcigarett
esmel l,het ookof fhi
s
clothesandgoti ntobednextt ome, heki ssedmy
neck, “heybaby.
”Iignoredhim andhepl acedhis
handononeofmybr easts,
“Baby .
”Il aythereand
didn’tmov eaninch;hekissedmeont heheadand
sleptwi thhi
sarm aroundme.

Nextmor ni
ngIwokeupandhewasn’ tnextt ome,
thi
swasget ti
ngboring.Butafterl
astni
ghtIwas
actuallyr
eli
eved,Ishower edandputony ogapant s,
thi
cksocksandsl i
pperswi t
hawool enov ersi
ze
j
ersey .Iwentdownst ai
rsandRebeccawassi tt
ing
withKal i
sahavingbreakfast,“
mor ni
ngladies.”They
greetedback, “
haveanyofy ouseenKhenant oday?”
Kali
sa:
Didn’thet
ell
you,
hel
eftf
orBot
swanaear
ly
thi
smorning.
Me:Oh,
hement
ionedear
li
ert
hisweek,
sli
ppedmy
mi
nd.

Ihadtotal
lyfor
gott
en,buthecoul
dn’
tev ensay
goodbye,whywasher unni
ngaroundli
keat hi
efin
theni
ght,hisbehavi
orwasunaccept
able.Isatdown
andhadbr eakf
ast;
itwas8h30Mbaliwascomi ngt o
fet
chmei n30mi nstogoseetheprogressont he
house.

Ibuzzedheri
nandwentt
oupstai
rst
ogathermy
stuf
f,“Hel
l
omummy ,
”shesai
dasIwalkeddownt
he
stai
rs.
Me:
Howy
oubabe?
Her:
Good,buty
oubet
terhur
ryupandgetr
eadywe
ar
elate.
Me:
Iam r
eady
.
Her
:Ohnohun,
nonononono!
!
Me:
What
?
Her
:Ist
her
eacomput
ercl
oseby
?
Therewasal aptopint helounge, shetooki tandsat
downont hediningroom t ableshet ypedinChef
ThandopregnancyandBOOM about10r esults
poppedupshedi dn’
tbothert oev enopent he
art
icl
esandwentst r
aighttot heimages.Whatt he
hel
l,Iwentoverhershoul derandwentt or ead
thr
oughthear t
icl
es,thiswasmean, howcoul dthey
besomean?Iwascomf ortable.Tearsthreatened
myey es,“
isi
tthatbadguy s?”

Isatdownf eelingext r
emel ydef eat ed,“howdot hey
expectmet ol ook,I’
mf ucki ngpr egnantf orcr y
ing
outloud.Ican’ tlookgor geousal lthet i
me, dot hey
notseehowf atIam al ready .
”Igotupf rom t he
dini
ngroom t ableandsatont hecouch, Icov ered
my sel
fwi t
hat hrow, andIst artedcr y
ing.Mbal icame
tositnexttomeandr ubbedmyback, “
for getabout
them baby ,
y oul ookbeaut iful
.”Ist artedcr ying
harder,“y
ouar elying,yout oldmet ogochange. ”My
phoner ang,Rebeccahandedi ttomeandi twas
Khenan, “
Hel l
o. ”
Hi
m:Babywhat
’swr
ong?
Me:
I’
mfat
,theyar
ewr
it
ingaboutme.
Hi
m:Noy
ou’
renot
,wher
ear
eyou?
Me:
I…Iam athome.
Hi
m:Wher
eisKal
i
sa?
Ihandedt hephonet ohismot herandcont inuedwi t
h
mysobbi ng, IaskedMbal itor eschedul et hev iewing
andwentupst airswi thmyphoneaf terKhenanwas
donet alkingt ohi smot her.Ilayinbedst il
lint ear
s
andst arteddr iftingof ftosleep.Myphonekept
beepingandi twasannoy ingt heshi toutofme,
everymi nut eatl east2beeps.It ooki tandhadso
manyf acebookandi nstagram not i
ficati
ons, I
openedi nst agr am f i
rst;‘
’KhenanDeCost at agged
youinapost .’Whatt hehel lwast hismanupt onow?
Itappedont henot i
ficati
onandt henapi ctureofmy
pregnancyscancameupwi thacapt ionr eading:so
precious, Ican’ tbelieveIam goi ngt obeaf ather
again.Theexci tementi sov erwhel mingandi tisall
thankst ot hisamazi ngwomen@Chef _
Teedo
Ismi
l
edt
omy
sel
fandscr
oll
edt
othesi
dev
iewi
ng
picturesofme, showi ngmybel l
y,somewher eIwas
sleepinghol dingont omyst omach.Il ookedgoodi n
allthepictures,andt her ewereov er100comment s.
Ev ery
onewascongr atul ati
ngusandsay ingIlooked
sobeaut i
ful,l
otsofhear tsandlove.Thi sdefi
nitely
mademef eelbetter.It henopenedt hefacebook
appandt herewer eev enmor enotificati
ons.The
postr ead:Wedi dn’tpl anf ort
histohappenr i
ght
now, butohboyam Igl aditdi
d.Mybeaut i
ful
Not handot hanky ousomuchf ort hiswonder f
ul gi
ft
youhav egivenme.Il ov eyouwithal lmyhear t,
let
themedi atalk;notev er yonewillr
ej oiceinyourjoy
wit hyou.Don’ tletthem r ai
nonourpar ade;youar e
themostgor geous, sexi estpr
egnantwomanIhav e
everseen.
Thi
sposthadov er20picturesandt hecomments
werejustassuppor
ti
veandl ovi
ngast heoneson
i
nstagram.Iwasnowsmi ling;Khenanknewexactly
howtomakemef eelbett
er .Isenthi
m atext‘
Thank
youmyhear t
,Il
oveyou.”

Iputmyphoneonsi
l
entandcont
inuedwi
thmy
sleep.MondaycameandKhenanwasst i
llnotback
from Bot swana,howcoul dhedot hi
st ome?Hewas
mi ssinganotherappoi
ntmentwi t
ht hegynecologist
.
Itriedhim againandmycal lswer en’tget
ti
ng
through, hewasnowaski ngf orit
.Howcoul dhebe
sosweetoneweekandt henbeat otaldi
ckthenext?
Wej ustneededtoknowt hesexoft hebabyt oget
her
that ’
sitandhewasnowher et obef ound.Icall
ed
Dumi ,hi
sphonewasof f.Idiall
edt helandl
ineand
mom pi ckedup,“Heymommyi sdaddyhome? ”
Mom:Nomyl
ove,
hei
sawayonbusi
ness.What
’s
wr
ong?
Me:Nothi
ng,hej
ustpr
omi
sedmel
unch.Whenwi
l
l
hebeback?
Mom: Hewassupposedt
obehomeonSat urday
ni
ghtbutIhav
en’
theardf
rom hi
m si
nceFr
iday
Me: That
’swei
rd;dadalway
schecksin.Cometo
thi
nkaboutit
,Ihaven’
thear
dfrom Khenansi
nce
Fri
dayeit
her.Diddadmentionwherehewasgoing?
Mom:
Yeah,
hewentt
oBot
swana.
Me:
Ohr
eal
l
y,whatf
or?
Mom:
Busi
nessasusual
.
Icouldfeelherr
oll
i
ngherey esinthatstatement,
thesetwower eoutoft
hecount rytogether.Andthey
bothhadn’tcomehomeandwer eal soboth
unreachabl
e.Ismellar
at,Ididn’
twantt ost r
essher
out,“al
ri
ghtmama, Iwi
l
ltalktoyoul ater
,Iloveyou.”
Mom:
Lov
eyout
odear
.
Ididn’tunder standwhatbusi nessdadandKhenan
hadt oget her,andiftheywentt ogetherwhyt hey
woul dn’tment ionittoeitheroneofus.Khenanhad
beensneaki ngawayi nthemi ddl eoftheni ght,what
wer etheyupt o?Ihopet heywer en’trobbingabank.
Themi nuteIt houghtofbankr obber yIimmedi ately
thoughtaboutZenon, Idiall
edhi mt ooandsame
thi
ng; mycal l
swer en’tgoingt hrough.Ihadt ot hink
ofamor ecreativewayt ogetCi ndytot al
k,shel oved
thi
smansomuch; shewoul dnev ertellmet het rut
h.
Ci
ndy
:Hel
l
o
Me:
Hel
l
ost
ranger
.
Her:Howar
ey oul
ovey?Iwasj
ustt
hinki
ngabout
you…Howisthebaby?
Me:Great
,andthat’
swhyIam cal
li
ngact
ual
ly.
Where’
smyf at
her?Ican’
tseem t
ogetahol
dofhi
m.
Her:
Ohheisrest
ingsweety
;mustIgethi
mtocal
l
youbackwhenheisawake?
Me: Noneed,
justt
ell
himI
’l
lbet
her
et opi
ckhim up
at10h30.He’
sbeennaggi
ngmetotakehi
mt omy
nextdoct
or’
sappoint
ment
.
Her
:Idon-
Me:
Seey
oul
ater
…by
e.
Icutt
hecal
lsoqui
ckbefor
eshecouldev
enspi
tout
ali
e,t
her
ewasnoresti
ngZenon.Shecal
l
edme
back,
“Ci
ndy.
”
Cindy:Idon’tt
hink10h30wi
l
lbesuchagoodt
ime
foryourfather
.
Me:
Whynot
?
Her
:Wel
l
,uhm hehasameet
ingat11h00.
Me:Adr
ugmeet i
ngi
nthemi
ddleoftheday?Come
onnowCindyy
oucandobet
terthanthat
.
Her
:Wel
lthat
’swhathesai
d(shesnappedatme)
Me:
Cool
downt
iger
,what
’sgot
teni
ntoy
ou?
Her
:Not
hing,
just
….(
Shekeptqui
te)
Me: I
t’
sjustthathewassupposedtobebackf r
om
BotswanaonFr idayni
ghtandnowyoucan’tgeta
holdofhimr i
ght?IknowmeandMom can’ tgeta
holdofKhenanandDumi ei
ther
.Yout
hink
every
thi
ngi sokayoutther
e?
Cindy
: Idon’tknowThando,Zenonhasneverhad
thi
skindofadeal .I
t’
salwaysjustbeent
hedrugs,
nowthi s.Ij
usthaveabadfeeli
ngaboutthi
s.
Me:ButheiswithDumiandKhenan,
Iam sur
e
ev
eryt
hingwil
lrunsmoothl
y.
Cindy:
Please,Dumi hasn’
tdonethi
sinovera
decade.Hisrust
inesswill
getthem al
lki
l
led.
Me:Welll
etusjustprayf
ort
hebest
.Li
stenIhav
eto
go,
I’
m goingt
ocal l
youbackal
it
tl
elat
er.
Ci
ndy
:By
ehoney
.
Icutthecall
andt hr
ewmyphonet ot heot
hersi
deof
thebed.Well t
hatworkedper
fect
ly,
butnowIhadso
manyi deasrunni
ngthroughmyhead.Whatthehel
l
wer ethesemendoi nginBot swana?Iwasshaki ng,
Dumi inv olvedwi tht
hesedr ugl or
ds, t
hiscan’
tbe
happeni ng.If el
ttheattackappr oachingandIst art
ed
mybr eat hingexer ci
sesandf eltbetter.Ok
somet hingf ishywasgoi ngonher eandIwasgoi ng
tofindoutwhati twas.Igotr eadyandheaded
downst airs.Kalisawassi t
ti
ngont hepat i
ohavinga
cigarette, Ipeepedt hroughthesl i
dingdoor ,
“any
wor kf rom Khenanandt hegang? ”
Kal
i
sa:
Gang?
Me:ComeonKal i
sayoucan’
tpossi
blyt
hinkKhenan
wouldn’
ttel
lme.So,
haveyoumanagedtoget
t
hroughtothem?
Kal
i
sa:
Idon’
tknowwhaty
ou’
ret
alki
ngabout
.
Me:Ok,It
houghty
ouknew.I’
m headi
ngoutt
othe
doct
or,
wanttocomewith?
Her
:Ohnodear
,Ihadmyf
airshar
eoft
hat
.
Me:
Alr
ightseey
oui
nabout2hour
s.

Kal
i
saobv
iousl
ywasn’
tthatnaï
ve,
shewasbasi
cal
l
y
theonegi vi
ngor der s,
shewoul dnevercrack.So
therewasonl yonet hi
ngIcoul ddo, Iwentback
i
nsi deandst oodcl osetot hedoorwher eshe
coul dn’tseeme.Iwat chedhert akeoutherphone
anddi al,
sheobv iouslydidn’ tgetthrough.Shel ef
ta
voicemessage, “y ouidiot,yout oldyourpr egnant
girl
friend?Younev erlearni ftoomanypeopl eknow
aboutt hi
sthanourf amilyisatr isk.Doy ouwantt o
gety ourunbor nbabymur der ed,becauset hati
s
exact lywhatSpiderwi l
ldoi fhecat chesy ou?Fuck
Khenan, cal
lmeassoonasy ougett hi
s.”Shesat
backdownandl itanot herci garett
e,Iwal kedt othe
caranddr ovetot hedoct oraspermyappoi ntment,
I
didn’twantany thingi nmyschedul etoseem of fi
sh
whenKhenangotback.
Atthedoct orIwasal one,t
heycal l
edmynameandI
walkedin.mydoct orwasnott here,i
twasanot her
l
adywhom Idi dn’tknow.Shehadat attoopeeking
onherneckwant ingtoreveali
t sel
ffrom underher
col
lar.Icouldn’tmakeoutwhati twas,“Miss
Khumal o,Iam DrSi mpsonandIam f il
l
inginforyour
doctortoday.Oht akeaseat ,
youmustbet i
red.
”She
pokedatmyt
ummy
.
Me:
Wher
eismydoct
or?
Her:Onvacati
on,amessagewassentouttoal
lher
pati
ent
sinfor
mi ngt
hem t
hatIwasgoingtost
epin
forher
.Didn’
tyougeti
t?
Me:
Nope.
Iwasfeel
ingver
yuncomf ort
ableatt
hisst
age,
“maybeIshoul
drescheduleforwhensheget
sback.
”
Her:Wellt
hatisuptoy ou,
butshelef
tmeanotein
yourfi
l
esay i
ngy oujustwantedtocheckt
hesexof
t
hebaby .I
twillonl
yt ake2minutes.

Shewassell
ingt hi
sabittoohard,Idi
dn’ttr
usther
.
MaybeIwasj ustbeingparanoi
daboutwhatIheard
Kali
sasay
ingov erthephone.Butever
ythinginme
tol
dmenott otrusther,
“I’
l
l comebackwhenshei s
backfr
om herv acat
ion.
”
Her
:Notapr
obl
em
Sheforcedasmil
eandIl
eft
.Theminut
eIgott
omy
carIl
ockedthedoor
sandstar
tedt
heengi
neand
droveof f.Whatt hehel l wasgoi ngon, Khenanand
myf atherswer emi ssingandsowasmydoct or.
Somet hingj ustwasn’ taddi ngup, howwast hei rdr
ug
businessr el
ated, Itookagl impsei nmyr ear-
view
mirrorandcoul dsweart herewasabl ackSUV
fol
lowingme, Itookar ightonSoni ar oadandt hecar
turnedtoo.Iwasst arti
ngt opani c,Iturnedagai n
ontoSt eveBi koandt hedr i
v eroftheSUVdi dt he
same.Idi all
edTar eck, nothing;fuck!!Ididn’
tknow
whoel set ocal l
, soIcal l
edSpha, hepi ckedup
almosti mmedi ately,“soshei sst i
ll
alive.”
Me:
NotnowSpha,
I’
m bei
ngf
oll
owed.
Ithi
nkhecoul
dsenset
hepani
cinmyv
oice,
“f
oll
owed?”
Wai
taminute,
Iheardhimtypi
ngonhi
scomput
er,
“
Oktakeari
ghtatyournextr
obot
.”
Me:
Howdoy
ouknowwher
eIam?
Hi
m:Thi
sisn’
tthet
imef
orquest
ionsj
ustl
i
stent
o
me.
Ididexact
lyashetol
dme,
“OkIseet
hem f
oll
owi
ng
you,bl
ackSUVr i
ght?
”
Inodded,“
Thandoisitt
hebl
ackSUV? ”shi
tIwas
noddingasifhecoul
dseeme,“Yes,
thatone.
”
Him:Ok,Iwil
ldi
rectyoutome,youwi
l
lnotl
ose
them,butt
heywillnotbeabl
etocomeont
othe
base.
Inoddedagai
n,“
Thandodoy
ouf
oll
ow?
”
Me:
YesIf
oll
ow.
Heconnect edtomygpsandt hedirecti
onswereon
thesmal l
screenandSar ahwast al
kingtel
li
ngme
wheret otur
n.Isti
llhadhim onthelineandIwas
heari
nghi mtalki
ngt osomeone,“Delta,
Foxtr
ot,
Alpha,167839;checkthatli
censeplateformenow.”
Me:
Spha…ar
-
Him:I
’mrighthere;youare5minut
esawayfrom me.
You’
redoinggreat.I’
veal
ert
edthegat
ethaty
ouar e
comi
ng;theyshoul dn’
tgi
veyouahassl
e.
Icouldseet hebaseandIletoutasighofrel
i
ef.Igot
tothegateandt heyletmepasswithoutst
opping,
“dr
ivestr
aightandIwi l
lbewaiti
ngforyouattheend
oftheparking.”Idr
oveint
othebaseandIcoul dsee
hi
m st
andi
ngwher
ehesai
dhewoul
dbe,
all
dressed
i
nunif
orm.
Thecarthatwasfol
lowi
ngmereal
izedwher
eIwas
anddrov
er i
ghtpassgoi
ngl
ordknowswhere.
Ij
umpedoutt hecarandhuggedSpha,heledmeto
hi
sof f
iceandgotmeagl assofwater
,andhedial
l
ed
someguybyt henameofGarr
ywhocamei nwi
tha
medicalbag.Iwasshaki
ngandIthoughtabout
Kal
isa,“Ma’
am Iwill
needyoutosi
tsti
ll
.”
Me:
Kal
i
sa.
Idial
ledherandshewasnotpicki
ngup,goshIwas
start
ingtopanical
lov
eragai
n.Whatthehell
was
goingon,“Ma’am,ma’
am..
.Thando?”

Iwokeupf eeli
ngv er
ydi
sori
entated,Idi
dn’tknow
whereIwas, Iopenedmyey esandsawaf ami l
i
ar
facesmil
ingbackatme, “hi
,howar eyoufeeling?”I
tri
edgett
ingup, “
nodon’
t,li
edownal i
tt
lebit
.”Spha
handedmeagl assofwater,“
doy ourememberwhat
happened?”
Me:
Kal
i
sa?
Spha:
shei
sfi
ne,
don’
twor
ry…
Me:
Iwantt
otal
ktoher
.
Spha:
Youwi
l
lsoon,
Ineedy
out
orel
ax…

Hegotupandlef
tmeforabout3minutesthen
camebackandsati
nfr
ontofme.Hebr ushedhis
fi
nger
sthr
oughmyhair
,“howarey
ouf eeli
ngnow? ”
Me:
Bet
ter
.
Hi
m:Soy
ouwantt
otel
lmewhati
sgoi
ngon?
Isatinsil
encef orawhil
e;Idi
dn’
tknowexactl
ywhat
tosaytohi m.Thiswasgoingtosoundcrazy;
I
wasn’tevent osurewhatwasgoingonmy sel
f.Isat
upandj ustlookedathi
m blankl
y,“
ok,howaboutwe
star
tfrom thebeginni
ng.Youlef
tyourhouseand
wereheadingwher e?”
Me:Yes,
Iwasgoi
ngtothedoct
or.Ineededt
ofind
outt
hesexofmybabysowecanst ar
tdecor
ati
ng
ther
oom.
Hi
m:Ok,
andt
henwhathappened?
Me: IwassomadbecauseKhenanhadpr omised
thathewouldbether
ebuthewasn’ tbackfr
om his
businesst
ri
p.Iwentwit
houthi
m, butwhenIgott o
theoffi
ceever
ythi
ngwasjustst
range,something
funnywasgoingon.
Hi
m:Somet
hingl
i
kewhatThando?
Me:Mydoct orwasn’
tt her
e,actuall
ycometothi
nk
aboutitherr
ecept
ionistwasn’tther
eeit
her
.The
doctorwasweird,
Ididn’tt
rusther.
Hi
m:Whatdoy
oumeanwei
rd?
Me:Shehadat
att
oo,
aredoct
orsal
l
owedt
ohav
e
t
att
oos.
Ilookedathi
m confused,hej
ustshruggedand
l
ookedupatGar rywhowasst i
llst
andingint
he
room, “
whoisthi
sSpha? ”
Spha:Thi
sismyf r
iend,wewor
ktogetherandhe
wastheonewhoat tendedt
oyouwheny oucamein.
Youcantrusthi
m;tellmemoreaboutthi
sdoctor
.
Isatt
her
etr
yingt
othi
nkagai
nwhatIr
emember
ed
aboutt hedoct or.Ist
artedspeakingagai n, “
shetold
memydoct orwasoutoft ownonv acationand
woul dn’tbebackany timesoon.Shel i
edt ome, yes
sheliedshet oldmet hatwegotmessages
explainingthesituati
on.ButIdi dn’
treceiveany t
hing;
Idon’ tthi
nkany t
hingwassent .SoItoldhert hatI
woul dcomebackonl yoncemydoct orwasbackand
shedi dn’tseem toohappyaboutt hat.Ileftas
quicklyaspossi bleanddr oveaway ;Inot i
cedthecar
fol
lowi ngmewhenIt urnedint
oSar nia.Thecaral so
tur
nedandIf r
eakedout ,Itr
iedtocall Tareckmay be
hewoul dknow…”
Spha:
KnowwhatThando?
Ikeptqui
et,
thenstar
tedagai
n,“knowhowtohel
p.
ButIcoul
dn’tgetahol
dofhim andthat
’swhenI
call
edyou.
”
Spha:Woul
dy oubeabl
etoi
dent
if
ythel
adyshoul
d
youseeheragai
n?
Me:
Ithi
nkso…I…I
’
m notsur
e.Di
dyouf
indher
?
Spha:Well
theyfoundyourdoctorl
ockedupinone
ofthecl
osetsatthehospi
talal
ongwithher
r
ecepti
onist
.Shehadawoundtotheheadbutshe
wil
lbefi
ne.Sheissayi
ngshedi
dn’tseeany
thi
ngso
youmightbetheonlyonewhocanhelp.
Me:Ok,
Ithi
nkIcant
ry.Hav
ethepol
i
cear
rest
ed
any
one?
Spha:
Idi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ngaboutpol
i
ce.
Me:
Whatdoy
oumeanSpha?
Spha:
Don’
twor
ryabouti
t.Hav
eyoueat
en?

Idi
dn’tr
eali
zeunti
lthatmomentthatIwasst arvi
ng,
I
shookmyhead.Hehel pedmeupandt oldmewe
wouldgetsomethi
ngt oeatal
ongtheway .Ididn’
t
quest
ionhisastowher eweweregoingIjustgotup,
“mybagisinmycar .”
Spha:
I’
vealr
eadyputi
tinmycar
,comeonnowwe
mustgetgoi
ng.

Sl
i
ght
lynotedi
tedSor
ry
Hopey
'al
lenj
oy
[
11/
23,
16:
25]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode46

Wedr oveoutoft hebaseandwewentt oaMc

Donald’sdri
v ethru,IgotaMcFeastDel uxewith
extrachips,10piecechi ckennuggetsandappl
epie.
May beIwental i
ttl
eov erboardbutwhocareIwas
pregnant!Wedr ov eforabout45minutesandthen
stoppedatar undownhousei nadodge
neighborhood.Hepar ksthecaroutsi
de.
Me:
Wher
eist
hispl
ace?
Spha:
Trustme
Wejumpoutthecarandheadedfort
hefr
ontdoor
.
Heknocksandalar
gemanwi thaguncomesout
andl
ooksatmeupanddown.
Spha:
Chi
l
lshe’
swi
thme.Nowmov
e.
Thegiantmovesoutwayandweent eragloomy
room wit
habunchofguyssitt
ingaroundwatching
TVanddr i
nki
ng.Wewalkpastthem toadoor,Spha
enter
sacodeandwewal kdownt hesteps.Weget
i
ntoanotherr
oom andheplaceshishandont hepad
andthedoorsl
idesopen.Andwear
einabeaut
if
ul
houseundert
hisdumpster.
Me:
Sphawher
ear
ewe?
Spha:
Afr
iend’
spl
ace.
Amantwicemysi
zewal
kst
owar
dsuswi
thaf
rown
onhi
sface.
Hewal kst owardsSpha, thatmomentI ’m so
fri
ghtened.Hest andsrightinfrontofSphaand
l
ooksdownathi m,“Haven’tgrownani nchsi nceI
l
astsawy oushor tst
uff.”Hepi cksSphaupbyt he
shoulder sacoupl eofinchesof ft
hegroundand
shakeshi m, theybothlaugh.I ’
m standingtherewith
aconf usedl ookonmyf ace.Theypl ayaroundf ora
whilepr etendingtobef i
ght i
ngandIcl earmyt hroat
;
theylookatmeshockedast houghtheyf or
gotIwas
standingt here.
Hi
m:Sphay
ousor
ude,
int
roducemet
oyourgi
rl
!
Me:
I’
m nothi
sgi
rl
.
Spha:
Thandot
hisi
sPhi
l
a,myf
ri
end.Phi
l
a,Thando.
Phi
l
a:Pl
easur
etomeety
ou.Youmustbespeci
al;
Sphanev
erbr
ingsgi
rl
sar
oundher
e.
Spha:
Mxm,
weneedy
ourhel
pwi
thsomet
hing.
Phi
l
a:Comel
et’
ssi
t.

Wewal kint
ot helounge,it
’sbeauti
ful.Ev
erythi
ngi s
white,exceptf orthewoodencof f
eet abl
eandt he
purplescattercushions.Cantelli
thasawomen’ s
touch.Therear efr
eshfl
owersev erywhere.Wet ake
aseatandof feredsomethingtodrink,af
terour
dri
nksar ri
ve,Phi l
astar
ts,“
Somyf r
iendhowcanI
helpyou? ”
Spha:
Wellthi
sisThandoKhumal
o,daught
erof
Mbongeni
Khumalo.
Phi
l
a’sey
eswi
den,
“What
?”
Spha:Hayi
Phil
a,pl
easedonotf
ri
ght
enherwhen
sheneedsyourhel
p.
Phi
l
a:Thando,
didy
ouknowy
ourf
ather
?
Me:
Notv
erywel
l
.
Phi
l
a:whyi
sthat
?
Me:
Wel
ltheyl
i
edt
omeabouthi
sdeat
h.
Phi
l
a:andbef
oret
hat
?
Spha:Sheknowsaboutherf
ather
,that
’snotwhywe
arehere.
Phi
l
a:Oht
henwhyar
eyouher
eol
dfr
iend?
Phi
lat
akesasi
pofhi
sdri
nkandlooksatSpha.They
bot
hgetupandgot
othekit
chen.
Phi
l
a:Whati
sthi
sabout
?
Spha:Shehassomeoneaft
erher
,Ir
ant
hepl
ates
andyouwouldn’
tguess.
Phi
l
a:What
?
Spha:
Spi
der
.
Phi
l
a:Howdoy
ouknowi
twashi
m?
Sphatookoutphotogr
aphsandlai
dthem onthe
ki
tchencount
er,apict
ureofspi
derent
eri
ngacar,
“t
hatwasthecarthatwaschasi
ngThando.”

Iwal
kedi
ntot
heki
tchenandt
heykeptqui
et,
“you
guy
sjustl
eftmeal
one,
what
’sgoi
ngon?
”
Phil
a:I
t’
sbestthatatt
histi
mey oudon’
tknowfor
yourownsafet
y.Sohere’swhatIneedyoutod-
Me:
Whatt
hef
ucki
sgoi
ngonSpha?
Spha:ok,Ihavepict
uresf
oryoutol
ookatandseei
f
yourecognizeanyofthepeopl
eini
t.
Hel ai
doutmor epictur
esinfrontofme, “doyou
recognizeanyort hepeopleinthesepictures?”I
l
ookedatt hem careful
l
yandpoi nt
edatone, “
here,
shewast hereceptioni
statt
hedoct ortoday.”
Phi
l
a:ar
eyousur
e?
Inoddedandl ookedt
hroughtherestoft
hepictur
es
andf oundher
, mugshotofaLatinowomanwi tha
tatt
ooonherneckofa5pi ncrown.Ipoi
ntedather
,
“shewaspr et
endingt
obemydoct or.
”

Phil
aandSphalookedateachot her,andPhil
aspoke,
“i
sanyonei
nyourfamilyassociatedtodrugs,
deal
ers,
ordi
str
ibutor
s?Any t
hing? ”
Ihesi
tat
ed,
Icoul
dn’
ttel
lthem t
hatKhenanwasa
druglor
d;hesai
dhewasgoi
ngtostop;
theystood
ther
ewaiti
ngformet
oanswer,
“It
’smyfather
,buthe
i
sn’ti
nvolv
edanymor
e.”
Phi
l
a:Buty
ourf
atheri
sdead.
Spha:
Wel
l
,notqui
te…Zenon.
Phi
l
a:What
?Idon’
tfol
l
ow…Zenon,
Zenon?Shar
kie?

Sphanoddedandexpl ai
nedev er
ythingt
ohim.He
walkedovert
ohisbarar eaandpour edawhiskey
andtookital
lbackatonce, “
sowhatdot heLatin
Kingswantfr
om Zenon?Theyhav eneverhadbeef;
di
dn’theevenstri
keadeal wit
hSpi derf
orthatki
d
Juli
o?Somethingisn’
taddingup”
Spha:I
tmustbesomet hi
nghugeforSpi
dert
ocome
al
lthewayherepersonal
l
y;y
ouknowhenev er
l
eaveshiscast
le.Wehavealotofworkt
odo…

Sphashowedmet ooneoft
hebedroomsandIl
ay
down.Icouldn’
twrapmyheadaroundwhatwas
goi
ngon, Ir
eplayedKal
i
sa’
swordsinmyheadand
alsot
heconv ersat
ionIheardherhav ewi t
hKhenan
theni
ghtbeforehel ef
t.Icouldn’
ttel
lSpha, Idon’t
knowwhathewoul ddoi fheknewt hatthef atherof
mychildwasi nvol
vedint hi
sshit.Whywer et hese
guystr
yingtogetme?Ihadf iguredoutthatZenon
wasShar ki
e,nowwhowasDi gger?Isoondozedof f
.

Iwaswokenupbyaknockont hedoor
,theguys
enter
edt heroom,andIcansenseabitofpanici
n
Spha’
sf ace.Buthedoesn’
tsayaword.Ilookat
them bothwaiti
ngforsomeonetoexpl
aintome
whatisgoingon.
Phi
la:ThandoIneedf
oryoutogohomeasnormal.
Khenanisback.Wewil
lworkonoursi
deandkeep
youinf
ormedofwhatisgoi
ngon.
Me:
Idon’
tunder
standwhati
ftheycomef
orme?
Phil
a:y
oudon’thavetounderst
and,j
ustli
stenand
tr
ustme.Yourhusbandwouldn’tl
etany
thinghappen
toyou.
Inod,Sphagr
absmyhandandwel
eft
.Wedr
ovea
whil
eanditwasget
ti
ngdar
k
Me:
Sphahowdoy
ouknowPhi
l
a?
Spha:
weser
vedt
oget
her
.
Me:
andcanhebet
rust
ed?
Spha:
Itr
usthi
m wi
thmyl
i
fe.
Isi
gh;
heholdsmyhand,“don’
twor
ryThandoIwon’
t
l
etanyt
hinghappent
oyou.”
Wear ri
vedatthebaset ogetmycar ,
Igotinandhe
stoodbymywi ndow, “Here’
stherout
eIwanty outo
takehome.Iwi l
lfol
lowclosebehi
ndy ou,whatIhave
doneisplacedaf ewofmyguy st
owat chthehouse.
ButIthinkKhenanhasdonet hesame.Gethome,
eatandgot osleep.Iwil
lcal
lyoutomor r
ow
mor ni
ng.”
Me:
Whywoul
dKhenanhav
esecur
it
yatt
hehouse?
Spha:
Thando,don’tpl
aydumbwithme.Iknowyou
know,youaresmartandhavepr
obabl
yfi
guredout
whatyourbabydaddydoes.
Idi
dn’
tanswer
;Ij
ustl
ookedathi
m,“
besaf
e,I
’
m
her
efory
ou.
”
Me:
Sphawhatdoy
oudo?
Hi
m:YouknowwhatIdo.
Me:whataboutPhi
l
a?Howdoy
ouguy
sknowal
l
t
hisst
uff
?
Hi
m:Sowecanpr
otectpeopl
eli
key
ouwhodon’
t.
Hegavemear eassur
ingsqueezeontheshoulder
andwalkedtohiscar.Idr
ov eusi
ngther
outehe
gaveme, If
eltsaf
ewhenIl ookedint
herear
viewand
sawhiscarbehindme.

Iarri
vedatKhenan’ shouseandSphawasr i
ght,
therewer emenwi thgunsal lov
erthey ard.Igotto
thehouseandev eryonewasi nthelounge, Kali
sa,
Khenan, Tar
eck, Khensani,Dadandmom; Zenonand
Cindywer etheretoo.Igreetedandwal kedr i
ghtpast
them, Idi
dn’twaitforaresponse.Igott othe
bedroom andr anabat h,Khenanwal kedinasIgot
i
ntot hebath.Hewal kedintothebathroom, “
wewer e
allworri
edabouty oubaby .”
Me:
I’
mfi
ne.
Hi
m:I
’
m sor
rybaby
.
Me:
Ok.
Hi
m:Ar
eyoual
ri
ght
?
Me:
Yeah.

Hesatont het oil

etseat ,andwat chedmeasIt ooka
bath.Washebei ngser i
ousr ightnow?Hewoul dj ust
sitt
hereandnott ellmewher ehehasbeenf orthe
pastcoupleofday s?I fthisishowt hisrelati
onshi p
wasgoi ngt owor kt henIwoul ddot hesamet hing.I
wasn’tgoingt ot ellhim any thing,hecansi tthereal l
hewant s.Ifinishedbat hingandwenti ntothe
bedroom hef oll
owedmeandsatont hebedj ust
l
ookingatmeget t
ingdr essed.Idi dn’
tsayany thing;I
gotdressedi npaj amasandwor eagownwi tht hick
sock.Iputonmysl ippersandwentdownst air
st o
thekit
chen, Ilookedi nthef ridge.Theyhadn’ t
cooked, l
i
keser i
ousl ywhatdi dt heythinkIwasgoi ng
toeat?Lett hepr egnantl adymakeherownf ood,
Mom wal kingi ntot heki tchen, “
wher earey ou
comingf
rom honey
,wewer
eal
lwor
ri
edsi
ckabout
you.
”
Me:
I’
mfi
neMah.I
’
m her
enow.
Her
:Butwher
ewer
eyou?
Me:Mom I’
mr eall
yhungryandt
ir
ed,Ijustwantt
o
eatandsl
eep.Pleasecanwedothistomorrow?
SheleftandIheardhertel
l
ingDumithattheyshoul
d
goandsl eep,t
heywentint
ooneoftherooms.Wel lI
guessev er
yonewassleepingher
eandnobody
bother
edt oinf
orm me,“
Needhelpwiththat?”
Icracked3eggsi nabowl wi
thmi l
kandbaki ng
powderandseasoned, theni
ntothehotpanwher e
thebutterhadmel ted,
“nothanks.”Iscrambledthe
eggs,toast ed3slicesofwhitebreadandbut teronit
thi
ck.Islicedsomeav ocadoontot hetoastandthen
myegg; Ipouredmangoj ui
ceinadr aughtglassand
headedupst ai
rs.Khenanwasonest epbehindme
everywher eIwent .
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwant
?
Hi
m:Iwantt
osayI
’
m sor
ry.
Me:
Buty
oual
readysai
dthat
.
Hekeptquietandwat
chedmeeat ,“
canIrubyour
feet
?”Ishookmyhead.Hesatquiet
lyandstar
ted
agai
n,“whatdidt
hedoct
orsay?”
Me:
Your
eal
l
ywantt
oknow?
Hi
m:Pl
easebaby
.
Me:Wel
lIdidn’
tqui
tegetar
oundt
odoi
ngi
t,Spi
der
’s
guy
swerethere.
Hel
ookedatmeshocked,
“Spi
der
?”
Il
ookedathim andtookthel
astbit
eofmyt oastand
drankmyjui
ce.Iplacedt
hedishesonmysi detabl
e
andgoti
ntobed, “
Thando,whathappened?
”
Me: Maybei fyoudidn’
tdragmyf at
herstoBotswana
tohelpwithy ouri
ll
egaldeali
ngst henmay beyou
wouldhav ebeenher etoprotectme.Butno, you
werelordknowswher edoinglordknowswhat ,
unreachable!!WhatdidyouthinkhappenedKhenan?
Whoi sDigger ?Doyouev enstil
lknowwhatt hetrut
h
i
s,knowhowt ospeakitdoyou?Oh, andyoutellme
you’r
edivorcedandsendmeaf akedi vor
cedecree…
areyoufucki
ngki
ddi
ngme?Ifanyt
hinghappensto
mybabybecauseofthi
sSpi
derguy,Iwi
llki
l
lyou
personal
l
y,nowGETTHEFUCKOUT! !

Hi
m:Thando,
pleasehearmeout
.
Me:
Isai
dgetout
.
Hejustlookedatmeanddi dn’tmove.Igotupfrom
thebed,grabbedmybagandwal kedoutthe
bedroom leavi
nghim si
tti
ngt her
e.Iwalkeddownt he
stai
rsandZenonwasst andingatthebase,“what’
s
wrongbabygi r
l?”
Me:
Don’
tyoust
artShar
kie.
Iwal kedpasthim andhegr abbedmyar mf ir
ml y,
ti
ghtenought ohol dmest i
llyetgentl
eenoughnott o
hurtme.Hi sfaci
al expressionchangedandhi sey es
turnedalmostblack, “
Iam st i
llyourfat
herandy ou
donotgett otalktomet hatway .
”Myheartfeltli
keit
wasj ustabouttoex plodeoutofmychest ;Istood
therecoldanddidn’ tmov e.Hel etgoofmyar m and
tookmybagf rom meandpoi ntedtothecouch.I
wal kedtothecouchandsatdown, t
hetearsroll
ed
downmyf ace.Icri
edbutdi
dn’tdar
emakeasound,
Khenanwalkeddownt hest
air
sandsatnextt
ome.I
di
dn’tmove,Dumi andmom cameoutthebedr
oom
soonaft
erandjoinedus.
Zenonstoodinthemi ddleoftheroom; “Wel
lI’
m
gladever
yonecouldmakei t
.”Hesaidsarcast
icall
y,
“nowwear eal
lawar ethatwehav eapr obl
em here
andweneedev eryonetor emaincalm.Wewi l
l not
beabletocomeoutoft hi
sifwedon’ twork
toget
her.
”
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
HappyHumanRi
ght
sDay
!!
!
[
11/
23,
16:
26]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode47

*
***
***
***
***
***Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

Icoul
dn’
ttakemyey esof
fher,Iwantedtoholdher
i
nmyar msandt el
lherev
eryt
hingwoul dbeok.
Zenonstoodinfr
ontofusspeakingandIwasn’t
heari
nganythi
nghewassaying,“Khenan…Khenan,
hel
lo.
”
Me:Hm, Ineedt
otal
ktoThandoandexpl
ain
ev
eryt
hingtoher.
Thando:
Idon’
twantt
otal
ktoy
ou.
Zenon:
Justhearhi
m outwi
l
lyou.
Thando:Forwhatdad?Tel
lmewhyImustl
i
stent
o
hi
m, al
lhedoesisli
e.
MyheartsankwhenIhear
dthosewor
dscomi
ngout
ofhermouth.
Zenon:
Wear
etr
yingt
opr
otecty
ouhoney
.
ForsomereasonIcoul
dn’
tspeakIj
ustl
i
stenedas
theywentonandon.
Thando:Pr
otectme?Wherewashetodaywhen
Spi
der’
speoplewereinmydoct
or’
soffi
ceor
fol
l
owingmeal lar
ound?
Sheturnedar
oundandf
acedme,
“wher
ewer
eyou
Khenan?”

At earroll
eddownmyey e,Idon’
tknowi fIwasangry
becauset heyhadcont actedher,orbecauseIwasn’ t
aroundt oprotecther
;orbecauseshespoket ome
thatway ?Iwasj ustf
urious.Icouldn’tgetthewor ds
out,“I…Baby ,
babyIam sosor r
y.Didt heyhurtyou?”
shej uststar
edatmecr yi
nghy st
ericall
y.Ikneltdown
i
nf rontofherandhel dherhands; shedi dn’
twantt o
l
ookatmeshel ookedaway ;“
BabyI ’
m sosor r
y ,
pleaset el
lmewhathappened.Di dt heyhurtyou?”
SheshookherheadandIl etoutasighofr
eli
ef,
“we
needt ogetyouguysoutofhereandsomewhere
safe.IpromiseIwi
llexpl
ainev
eryt
hingtoy
ouwhen
thi
sisall ov
erbaby
,Ipromiseyou.
”Ihel
dherinmy
ar
msev enthoughshedidn’
twant,I
’
llber
ightback.I
si
gnaledforZenonandDumisani
tocomei nt
ot he
ki
tchen.

Dumi
sani:Itol
dyouthi
swasabadidea,butyou
di
dn’
tli
sten.Nowtheyareaf
termydaught
er.
Me:Dumisanirel
ax,heknowsthati
smysoftspot
.
Andheisusingitbecausehei
stooafr
aidt
ocome
tomedir
ectly.
Dumisani
:Well
thatisn’
tnecessar
ilyt
rue;he’sher
e
i
nSouthAfri
caboet.Ohhel ef
tthecastle.Thi
sjust
showshowmuchhei swil
li
ngtoriskjusttogetyour
faceonhi
swall.
Zenon:Si
ncewhendidyoust
artbehav
ingl
i
keali
ttl
e
pussy,
whathappenedt
oDigger,
evenIwasaf
rai
dof
youatonepoi
ntinmyli
fe.
Dumi sani:I
t’
scal
ledgrowingup;youcan’
tbe
runningaroundplayi
ngwithdrugsandgunsyour
wholel i
fe.Thi
sdiamonddealwassupposedt obe
ourlastdeal.I
fyouhadn’tgot
tengreedyt
hisall
wouldn’tbehappening.
Zenon:
Howi
sanyoft
hismyf
aul
t?
Dumisani
:youwant
edustogoback,
webarely
madeitoutal
iv
eandlooknowwe’
vepokedthebear
andheisawake.
Me: Willy
oubot hjustshutt hefuckup,Zenon
contactyourboy swear eflyingthem i
ntonight.
Dumi saniI’
m goingtoneedy outogetthegirl
s
somewher esafe.Ihaveasaf ehousebutIdon’t
thi
nki t
’stoosafe,nobodywoul dsuspectyou,soget
them safet her
etonight.Idon’twanttoknowwher e
theyareanddon’ ttell
Zenonei t
her.

Zenont urnedandlookedatmewhenhehear dme

mentionhi sname, “
youtakeev eryone’scel l
phones
andbecar ef
ulofCindy,
Idon’ tknowi fItrusther .
”
Dumisani walkedintot
hel oungeandt oldev eryone
topack, Iwenttothebarandpour edawhi skeyand
tookitallbackinonego, Ineededt obesmar tabout
thi
s.Ipour edanot
herdrink,andcal l
edameet ing
withthegang.ZenonandIdr ov etothehar bor ,I
gavethesecur i
tyR5000andwedr ovei n.Wepar ked
thecarandwal kedt ot hef arendandopenedoneof
thecont ainer s,ScarandSnakewer eal readyher e,
“Boss. ”Theybot hsai datt hesamet ime, “Wher eis
every oneel se? ”Smuggi elookedathi si Padand
signal ed2mi nut es, “We’ l
lst ar
twithoutt hem; today
i
sn’tbusi nessasusual .Wehav eal i
ttlev isit
or,
Spider .”Ev eryonel ookedatmeshocked, “Wellwhat
didy ouguy st hinkwasgoi ngtohappen?Thatwe
walki nonhi st erritory,takehi sbusinessandhe
woul dl etusj ustski paway ?No, that’snothowt his
wor ks. ”Ther estoft hegangar ri
ved, butI cewasn’ t
witht hem; Iignor edt hatf actandcont inued.“ Hei s
outf orbl ood, andi t’smi nehei safter.NowIneedal l
ofy out obeal ert, myey est ellmehei sher ewi th
about20men, andt hereisapossi bili
tyt hatmor e
arecomi ng, soweneedal l ourmenont his.Zenon’ s
guysar el eav i
ngi nanhour ’sti
me.Wegett his
bast ardandwer unt hisbitch,heist heonl ything
standi ngbet weenusandt hosemi ll
ions. ”
Cane:
Whoboss?
Me:Ify
ouhadmadeitonti
met henyouwoul
dknow
whatIwast
alki
ngabout
,getScart
ofil
lyoui
n.
Scarmout hedouttohi
m whowewer etal
ki
ngabout
,
Cane’seyesshotopenandalmostshathi
msel
f,
“Boss,i
shej ustf
ucki
ngwit
hme? ”
Ilookedathi m andjustasIwasaboutt oopenmy
mout hIcewal kedindraggingacool erbox,
an
extremel yl
argeone.Ev ery
onejustlookedathim and
hesmi led,“Higuys,sorryI
’mlateIhadsomet hi
ng
thatneededi nstantcooli
ng.”Wealllookedathi
m
wonder ingwhatwasi nt hecool
er,“sowhatdidI
mi ss?
”
Me:
Ice?
I
ce:
Beerany
one?

Nobodyl aughed; I
celi
kedtojokeal ot
,buthewas
veryeffect
ive,eff
ici
ent.Hewasmymai nmanand
hadnev erfail
edatat askandheputi nmor ework
thananyot hermani ntheroom, “Ohcomeonguy s,
l
ightenup.”Heopenedt hecoolerboxandputhis
handi nsi
deapul ledupamanwhoseemedt obe
shakingtodeat h.Hewaswet ,Ilookedinthecool
er
anditwasf il
ledwi t
hicewater.
Me:
Andwhati
sthi
s?
I
ce:OneofSpider
’sguys,
Ispot
tedhi
mfol
l
owi
ngt
his
i
diot(
hepoi
ntedatPete)
Me:
Goodwor
k,buti
sn’
thegoi
ngt
ofr
eezet
odeat
h?
I
ce:Nohei sn’
tthatcoldyet
,hehasaboutanhour
.
HoweverIdoneedt oleaveyouladi
es,
Ithi
nkI’
l
lhave
amuchmor ei
nterest
ingconver
sati
onwith
f
reezebal
l
sov erhere.

Hewheel edt hecoolerboxoutandleft

.Wer ounded
upourmeet inganditwasalreadymidni
ght…
Dumisani hadn’ttol
dmei fhehadgottenthem away
safel
y,Idialedhisnumberandhedi dn’
tanswer.I
didn’
tevengett osayby etomybabyandThando.I
neededtot akecar eofthi
sbeforeshegavebirt
hor
el
seIwoul dneverheartheendofit.

ThenextmorningIgotupfrom mybed,Ihadn’tsl
ept
awink.Iwentdownstai
rsandTareckwassitti
ngin
thel
ounge,wit
htwobot t
lesofwhiskeyi
nfrontof
hi
m.Onewasempt yandt heotheronej ustbelow
hal
fhehadaci garett
ei nhishandandhesmoked,
wasr eal
lysmokingi nmyhouse?Idon’ tknowwhat
wasupwi t
hhiml atel
y ;hewasgonef orthelongest
ti
mewi t
houtanyoneknowi ngwher ehewas.Ihad
enoughonmypl ateandnowt his,“Morningbuddy .
”
Hegr untedbackatme, Iwasn’tgoingtof i
ghtwith
hi
m; Igrabbedaci garetteandsmokedt oo.Mightas
wellt
hehousewasal readysti
nking.
Me:
Wher
ehav
eyoubeen?
Hi
m:Ar
ound.
Me:
Notar
oundher
e.
Him:Don’
tactl
i
key
oucar
eaboutmeKhenan,
fuck
you.
Oknowwewer egett
ingsomewher e,“Tar
eckyou
knowIcare,
andyou’
remybi gbrother,mybest
fr
iend.Whywoul
dyouthinkIdon’t
? ”
Hi
m: Thenwhywoul
dyouteam upwi
thmom and
f
orci
ngmet omarr
yKhensani
?
Me:
For
cing?Kal
i
sat
oldmey
ouwantt
omar
ryher
,
butKhensanial
mostmur der
edmewhenIgaveher
thedi
vorcepapers.It
houghtshewoul
dbehappy
youwanttomar r
yher.
Him:Idon’twanttomarr
yher;yourmot heri
sthe
oneforci
ngthis.Shei
salwaysony ourside,
andnow
Ihav
et ogetmar ri
edt
othatwit
ch,Iwillnotall
ow.
Me: Ok,notaproblem.I’
m st
il
lmarr
iedtoher,no
needtowor r
ywewi l
lfi
gurei
tout
.Whatelseis
botheri
ngy ou?Ineedmymai nman;Ican’
tface
Spiderwithoutyou.
Hi
m:Whydi
dn’
tyout
ell
meaboutt
hedi
amonddeal
s?
Me:
Youwer
en’
tar
oundbuddy
.
Him:No,eversi
nceyoufl
ewt oMexicotofet
ch
ZenonandfoundoutaboutDumisani’
spastyou
havesi
deli
nedme.Youev enpref
erworki
ngwi t
hIce
morethanme.
Me: Thati
snottrue,ever
yonehasthei
rroleandyou
taughtmethat,Ineededtheseoldcat
s’experi
ence
andknowledge.Iwasnev ergoingt
ogetany where
nearthosedi
amondswi t
houtthem.
Him:Yousee,it’
sall
Ithis,It
hat…Whathappenedto
us?Iwastheonewhohel pedyoubuil
dthisempi
re,
nowI’mjustkickedt
ot hecurbbecauseyouhave
foundyour
selfanewt oy.Igetit
,youdon’
tneedme
anymorebuttrynottoshowi tsomuch.
Me: Tareck,Ididn’tknowyoufeltthisway .I
twas
nevermyi ntention;youaremybr otherandbest
fr
iend.Ijustthoughty oudidn’
twantanyi nvolv
ement
becausey ouhav ebeensoquietforsol ong.

Goshhewasact i
nglikealitt
lebi
tch,butmay beI
wasal it
tl
ehar donhi m.Buthewasnev erweaklike
thi
s,“OkbuddyIneedy ounow.Ican’tkil
lthi
s
bastardwithoutyou.”Hedr aggedhiscigaret
teand
noddedhi shead, t
hat’sall
Ineeded,“Nowgetsome
restwehav eal otofwor ktodo.”

*
***
***
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Wel
andedi
nMi
er,
washef
orr
eal
?Thi
spl
ace
l
ookedsodr y,
wegoti ntothecar sanddr ovedeeper
i
ntothedeser t
.Iwasf eel
inghotandIwas
exhausted,Igul
peddownabot tl
eofwat er.Ireal
i
zed
nowIhadn’ teatenany thi
ngpr operinav erylong
ti
me.Khensani handedmeachocol atebar,Iwasn’t
goingtorefuseit,“t
hanks.”Iat eitandhadmor e
waterandi nst
ant l
yfeltbetter
.Ilookedoutt he
windowandcoul dn’tseewher ethedeser tended;I
wasgoingt ogivebi rt
hher e.Theemot ionstookov er
andIstartedcrying,“honeywhati sit?”
Me:Doyounotseewherewearemom?Mybabywill
bebor
ninthi
splace,
ist
hereev
enahospi
tal
around
her
e?
Mom:Babywewi
l
lbehomesoon,
don’
tthi
nkl
i
ke
t
hat
.
Me:
Easyf
ory
out
osay
,you’
venev
erbeenpr
egnant
.
Mom:
Iknowy
ouar
ewor
ri
edbutdon’
tber
udenow.
Shehandedmet issueandfacedt heot
herside,I
don’tcar
eifshei
supset .I
ftheywereallhonestthen
may bewewouldn’tbeinthi
ssituati
onreal
ly.We
arr
ivedathugegate,wecouldn’
tseeany t
hinginside,
i
twasl i
keaf ort
ress.Thegat eopenedandt hei nside
andwedr oveinside, IwasshockedatwhatIsaw.
Thedriv
ewaywasl ongl eadingtot hebiggesthouse
I’
veeverseen,not hinglesst han20bedr ooms.I t’
s
l
ikewewer einadi ffer
entpl ace,t
hegr asswasgr een
andthereweretr eesonei t
hersideoft hedr iveway .
Wegotoutt hecarandwer egreetedbyal adyatt he
door;
mom huggedherandi ntr
oducedt her estofus.
Sheknewt hi
spl ace, di
di tbelongt omypar ents?
Mom:Welcome,guyst
hiswil
lbeourhouseunt
ilt
he
boy
shav
et akencar
eofshit
.
Sheswor e,whowast hisl ady?Mommydi dn’tswear
andshedi dn’tknowany thingaboutdrugsandi l
legal
stuff.Shecont inued,“Ihav easkedPatrici
atosetup
thewestwi ngoft hehouse, allt
heroomsar eready.
Pleasemakey ourselv
esf eelcomfort
able,t
hisisour
homef ornow.Ther eisaphonei nthelounge,it
’s
untraceablebutkeepal lcal l
sunder10mi ns.We
aren’tsupposedt ocalltheboy s,somay beitwould
bestf orust owai tf
ort heircall
s.Letmeshowy out o
yourr ooms. ”
Shel edev eryonetot heirrooms, someupst ai
rs.But
shepl acedmedownst airs; t
heroom hadaccesst o
thegar denwhi chl eddirectlytothepool .Thatwas
wonder ful,shemusthav easkedt hem toputaf ri
dge
i
nmyr oom whi chwasexact l
ywhatIneeded, andi t
wasf ul l
ypacked.Isatont hebedt hinki
ngaboutt he
eventst hathadj ustoccur reditwasal lexhaust i
ng
real
ly.It ookashowerandchangedi ntoashor t
dress, andwentt ocheckoutt herestoft hehouse.
Thebackwasev enmor ebeaut i
fulthant hefr
ont ;I
couldn’ tev enguesshowmanyacr es.Isatdownon
thefurni tureandj ustlookedoutatt hisbeautiful
scener y.IgotashockwhenPat ri
ciacal l
edmyname,
“MissThando, youmot heraskedt ocomegety ou.
Supperi sready .”

Iwalkedintothediningroom; everyt
hingi nthe
housewasj usttoomuch.I twasbeaut i
fulyes,but
toomuch.Whywoul dweuseat ablethisbigforonly
5people,nowt hatwasr i
diculous.Wesatdownand
sai
dgr ace,weatet helovel
ymeal pr
epar edforus,
aft
ereatingweal lsati
nt helounget heywer e
drinking.Khensani evenhadagl assi nherhand, I
knewi tther ewasnowayshewaspr egnant.That
wast hel eastofmywor riesrightnow, wechat t
eda
bit.Ci ndykeptt ouchi ngandcl i
ckingawayather
wat ch, i
twasf r
ust rati
ngnothav ingphonesandI
under stoodt hat; buttheconst antclickingwas
get t
ingt ome.Isai dgoodni ghtt oev eryoneand
wentt omyr oom, IputtheTVandscr oll
edfora
mov ieandf ound‘ P.S.Iloveyou’ r
ightatt he
begi nni ng.Igotapacketofchi psf rom t hetopoft he
fr
idgeandwat ched, Icri
edadozent imesdur i
ngthe
mov ieandwheni twasdoneIchangedi ntomy
night dr essandr emov edthecov ersof fthebedand
gotundert hesheet ,therewasasof tknockatt he
doorandt henMommyappear ed.It oldhert ocome
i
nandshesatnextt omepl ayingwi t hmyhai r,we
didn’tspeakunt ilshebr oket hesi lence, “askme.”
Herv oicesosof t,almosti nawhi sper ,whichmade
mewhi sperback, “What ?”
Her
:Any
thi
ng.
Me:
Whati
sthi
spl
ace?
Her
:Thi
sisy
ourf
ather
’ssaf
ehouse,
forev
ent
ssuch
ast
hisone.
Me:
MommyIdon’
tunder
stand.
Her
:Thenaskme.
Me:
Whati
shappeni
ng?
Her
:Youneedt
obemor
especi
fi
cbabygi
rl
.
Me:
Isdadadr
ugdeal
er?
Her
:Hewashoney
,notany
mor
e.
Me:
Sowhydi
dhet
eam upwi
thKhenanandZenon?
Her
:Becausehel
ovesyouandhedoesn’
twant
any
thi
ngbadtohappentoyou.
Me:
Idon’
tunder
stand.
Her
:Thati
sn’
taquest
ion.
Me:
Whowoul
dwantt
ohur
tme?
Her:Zenoni
sav
erydanger
ousmanbaby
…(She
paused)
Me:
Hewoul
dn’
tdoany
thi
ngt
ohur
tme.
Her:
Notint
entional
l
y,hehasal
otofenemi
es.Hei
s
wantedbyalotofpeopl
e.
Me:
Sohowdoest
hataf
fectme?
Her
:Letmemaket hi
ssimple,Zenonisamanwi th
manyresourcesandisverydi
ffi
cultt
ofind.Sot
he
onl
ywayt ogettohim wouldbethroughyou.
Me:
Justhowt
hisSpi
derguyt
ri
edt
ogetmet
oget
t
oKhenan?
Her
:Yesbaby
,nowy
ougeti
t.
Me:Buthowwasdaddygoi
ngtost
opthatf
rom
happeni
ngbygoi
ngtoBot
swanawit
hthem?
Her:
Thedeal wastheydot hisonejobandZenon
get
sasf arfrom youaspossi bl
e.Thatwayy ou
wouldbeoutofhar msway .ButZenondidn’
tkeep
hi
ssideoft hedeal;hencetheywentbackt o
Bot
swanabecauseZenongotgr eedy.Evenaft
er
Dumi of
feredhim hi
sshar e,hesti
ll
wantedmor e.
Me:Sowhatist
hepl
annow?Hewi
l
lcont
inue
want
ingmore.
Her:Let’
shopeheseesfr
om thi
sthathei
sputt
ing
yourli
featdangermor
ethananybodyel
se’
s.
Me:
Whatabouty
ourl
i
fe,
andCi
ndy
’sl
i
fet
oo.
Her:
Zenondoesn’
tcar
eaboutt
hat
,pl
usIhav
eDumi
.
If
earnot
hing.
Me:Doyout
hinkKhenanwi
l
lev
ergetoutoft
he
game?
Her
:Itdependsbaby
,ev
erymani
sdi
ff
erent
.
Me:
Howdi
ddaddyst
op?
Her:
Ican’tanswerthatquestion;
youwi
l
lneedt
o
t
alkhim abouti
t.I
’
lllety
our estnow.
Me:
Pleasedon’
tleav
eme,
singmeasong.
Shegiggled,
“Youusedtoaskmetosi
ngt
oy ou
wheny ouwereababy.Idon’
tev
enknowi
fIsti
ll
can.
”
Me:
Pleaset
rymommy
.
Shebr
ushedmyhai
randst
art
edsi
ngi
ng,
“Lul
laby,
andgoodni ght,i
ntheski
esstar
sarebri
ght
.
Mayt hemoon’ssil
verybeamsbr i
ngyousweet
dreams.Closeyoureyesnowandr estmaythese
hoursbeblessed.Ti
llthesky’
sbri
ghtwit
hdawn,
wheny ouwakewi t
hay awn.
Lull
aby,
andgoodnight
,youaremother
’sdel
i
ght
.I’
l
l
prot
ectyouf
rom harm,andy
ou’l
lwakeinmyarms.
Sleepy
head,cl
oseyoureyes,forI’
mr i
ghtbesidey ou.
Guardi
anangelsarenear,
sosl eepwithoutfear.
Lull
aby,andgoodni
ght,
withrosesbedi ght
.Lil
ies
overhead,l
aytheedowninthybed. ”
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Andt
hepl
oyt
hickens
[
11/
23,
16:
26]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode48

*
***
***
***
***
***Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
**
“Tal
ktome…what?Ar
eyousure….I
shedead?
Ok……..
keephi
m al
i
veandwar
m. ”
Istoodint
heoffi
cewit
hTar
eck,
“Iceknowswher
e
theyarehi
dingout
.”
Idi
aledDumi sanionthelandl
i
neandhedi
dn’
tpi
ck
up,
It r
iedagain,“
Yeah.”
Me:
Wehav
eal
ocat
ion,
I’
m sendi
ngy
oudi
rect
ions.
Dumisani
:I’
m ki
ndofi
nthemi
ddl
eofsomet
hing,
I
can’
tri
ghtnow.
Me:
Whatdoy
oumeany
oucan’
t?
Dumi
sani
:Imeanj
ustt
hat
.
Hecutthecal
l
,“FUCK!Am It
heonl
yonewhose
headi
sinthegame?”
Tareckst
oodquiet
lysmoki
ngaci
gar
ett
e,“
Ismy
houseasmokingareanow?”
Tar
eck:
Don’
tev
ent
ryt
aki
ngy
ourangeroutonme.
Hewalkedout;
Ihel
dmyheadi nmyhands.Whatt he
fuckwasgoi
ngon?Iwasslowlyl
osi
ngcontrol
.Iwas
star
ti
ngtopani
c,t
hiscoul
dn’
tbehappeni
ng.I’
dlose
everyt
hingift
hisdi
dn’
twor
k.Idial
edZenonand
couldn’
tgetaholdofhi
m.Igotatextfr
om Dumi
:
Stayput,Ihav
eaplan.I
’mtaki
ngIce.
Idon’tknowwhatthi
soldmanwasupt o,
whatdi
d
hemeanpl an?AndIce?Whatwasheupto?Anot
her
text:I
’
m sendi
ngsomeoneovertoyounow;t
heywil
l
bringyoutome.
Iwaitedandgotat exttogot ot hecar ,Iwentanda
baboonl ookingmanwasi nt hedriv erseat.Itri
edt o
opent hepassengerdoorandheshookhi sheadand
pointedmet ot hebackseat .Igotev enangr i
er,Igot
i
ntot hebackseatandhedr oveof f.Hedi dn’tsay
anything, wer eachedhousest andingoni t’
sowni n
themi ddl eofnowher e.ThemangotoutandI
fol
lowedhi m, whatwasDumi sani upt o?Thi sbetter
notbeasetup.Wegoti nside, “
Diggerwi l
lbeher e
j
ustnow, canIgety ouadrinksol ong? ”Ididn’
t
botherr eplyi
ng, It
rieddiali
ngI cebutt herewasno
networ kinher e.Iletoutasi gh,Ipacedt her oom.An
hourwentby ,andst il
lnosignofDumi sani.
Nar
rat
ed

Dumi saniandI
cestoodabovetheLati
nogangster,
“DidyouhearwhatIsaidboy?”theLat
inonodded
hishead,“Thentel
lhi
m, whatdi
dhesay ?
”Ice
slappedthebackofhishead.Thegangsterst
art
ed,
“Hesai dImustgiv
eSpideramessage.”
I
ce:
Andwhatwast
hemessage?
Hi
m:Hewant
stomeetupandt
rade.
I
ce:
Tradewhat
?(Hechuckl
ed)
Hi
m:Uhm,
I…I
…
I
ce:
Good!
Theyexitedthecell
,andpl ott
edt hei
rplan.Therest
ofthegangl ist
enedintensely
, “
Whatabouthi m?”Ice
point
edatt heothercell.Dumi j
ustsmi l
ed,“ohfr
iend,
thati
swhatwear etrading.”I
celookedathi m
confused,“andwhatar ewet radingforexactl
y?”
Dumi:
MustIspelli
touttoyou?WhathasKhenan
beent
eachi
ngyouguy s?Wehavebeefwit
hSpi der
,
youal
lgett
hatr
ight?(
Ev er
yonei
ntheroom nodded)
NowSpi derhasbeefwit hsomeoneel set hathe
fears,thewaywef earhim, ri
ght?(Theyal lnodded)
Ok,nowbecauseIhav ebeeni nthegamesi nceyou
wereal lshit
ti
ngyell
ow, soyouwoul dn’thav ethe
knowl edgeIhave.Wehav ebeefwi thSpi der,hi
m
withCoonandCoonwi thZenon.Soher e’
showt his
goesdown, IhandZenonov ertoSpidert henSpi der
andusar egoodhei soffourback.Het hencant ake
Zenont oCoonandset t
lewhat everf eudt heyhav e
andsof ort
h.Moralofthest orySpiderisof four
backs, ali
veyes.Buthewon’ tbotherusagai nabout
thi
si ssue!Getit
?
Theroom wasfil
ledwit
h‘oh’and‘hm’andall
the
soundthatconf
ir
medunder standi
ng.Dumiwas
happy.Hi
m andIcedrovetothenestanddropped
offt
heboyandhewal kedin.
I
ce:
Whati
ftheyshootusdownr
ighther
e?
Dumi:Theywon’t,mebr i
ngingbackoneofhisis
showingmyl eni
ence.Ifhegunsusdown, t
hat
meanswar .Andafterhefindsoutthemessageis
comingfrom me,trustmehewon’ twantwar.
I
ce:
Why
?
Dumi
:Oh,
he’
shear
dthest
ori
es.
Ice:
Ify
ouarethatbadass,
thenwhydon’
twej
ust
smokethem up?
Dumi:
I’
vel
earnthowt ohandl
ethi
ngsdiff
erent
ly.I
havet
oomuchbl oodonmyhands.Youneedt o
knowandunderstandt
hatwarist
helastopti
on.
I
ce:I
sitt
ruethatyouhaveoverahundr
eddead
bodi
esburi
edinyourbackyard.
Dumi
:Woul
dn’
tyouwantt
oknow.

Khenan

Iwast i
redofpacingaroundther oom;Iendedup
pouringmyselfascotch.Ithoughttomy sel
fwhat
kindofamandoesn’ thavewhi skeyinhi
shouse?
Wast hisev
enahouse?Whyt hefuckwasDumi sani
keepingmeher e,whatwasheupt o?Iwasgetti
ng
real
lyimpati
entnow.Thebaboonl ooki
ngmansatat
i
nachai ropposit
emej uststari
ngatme.Iwoul dn’
t
thinkoft ry
ingmyl uckwi thhim, he’dgr indmet oa
pulp.Ineededt of i
ndoutwhatwasgoi ngonout
ther e,Ihadabadf eeli
ngaboutt hi
s.Il ookedatmy
phone, nonet wor k,“canImakeacal lwithy our
phone? ”hedi dn’tsayany t
hing,justgr unt edand
shookhi shead.Idon’ tknowi fhedi dn’twantt oorif
hehadt hesamepr oblem.Hewasn’ tgoi ngt oshar e
thati nformat ionwi t
hme.I twasst ar t
ingt ogetdar k
andIev entuallycamet otermswi tht hef actt hatI
wasn’ tgoingany where.Itookof fmyj acketandput
thescot chbot tleinfrontofmeandst arteddr inki
ng,
Ili
taci garet t
eandsmoked.Gor ill
aboygav emea
disappr ov i
ngl ookbutIwasn’ tbot her ed.Idr ankand
smoked, Ifinishedt hebot tleandi twasmi dnight
already .Igotupandwentt otheki tchen; ser i
ously
thesef ucker scan’ tbeser ious.Dumi coul d’ veat
l
eastl eftmewi thsomef ood.Ther ewast akeouti n
theki tchen, andIhat edt akeout .Iwar medupt he
pizzaandsatbackdownandat e,thist ast edl ike
car dboar d;Ifel tsickeacht i
meIswal lowed.WhenI
wasdoneIgotupt oseewhatot heral cohol wasi n
thishouse, f r
idgewasst ockedwi t
hbeer .Ther ewas
mor escot chandt onsofv odka, ci
gar sandaf ew
packsofcigarett
es,Ioptedfort
hescotchandgota
packofcigarett
es.Isatdownagain,Ipul
ledonthe
ci
garett
e,“sohowl onghav eyoubeenwor ki
ngf
or
Digger
?”
Gor
il
la:
15y
ear
s.
Me:
Idi
dn’
tthi
nkhewasst
il
loper
ati
ng.
Hejustl
ookedatme,thiswasapoint
lessexer
cise
andIwaswastingmytime.Ipl
ayedmusiconmy
phoneanddrankmyselfint
oastat
e.

*
***
***
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
***
***
*
Thisplacewashot .Bei
ngi nthedeser twasnoj oke,
wesatout sidehavi
nglunch.Thel adieswer e
dri
nkingaspernor mal;ImustsayIf eltalit
tlebett er
afterspeakingtomom t heprevi
ousni ght.Khensani
andIwer eget ti
ngonpr ettywell
actual l
y;Cindywas
ti
ckingawayatherwat ch.Thephonehadn’ tr ung
andIwasn’ tworri
ed,Iwasgl adtobeawayf rom the
stressesathome, “
FUCK. ”Weallturnedt olookat
Cindyasi fshehadl ostit.Shewasf urious,scared
andnoneofusknewwhy .Shegotupandst art
ed
paci
ngt
her
oom,
“thi
scantbehappeni
ng.
”
Mom:
Cindy
,wantt
otel
luswhat
’swr
ong?
Ci
ndy
:Somet
hingi
swr
ong,
theyhav
ehi
m,he’
sdead.
Mom:Ohr el
ax,nobodyi
sdead.IspoketoDumithi
s
morni
ng,ever
yoneisali
ve.Ishoul
dn’
tbetel
l
ingy
ou
guy
sthisbuttheyarest
ri
kingadeal.
Me:
Whatki
ndofadeal
?
Mom:
Idon’
tknowbaby
,buti
t’
sgood.
Ci
ndy
:Thati
sbul
l
shi
t,Zeewoul
dhav
etol
dme.
Mom:Howcouldhet
elly
ouwhenDumi
sani
ist
he
onl
yonwhoknowswe’r
eher
e.
Cindy
:Wecommunicat
ealr
ight
,butl
astni
ghthe
st
oppedtal
ki
ngtome.hemustbedeadordying.
Thewatchi
snotworki
nganymore.
Ilookedatherwristandt henitcli
cked,shewas
communi cati
ngwi t
hhimt hi
swhol eti
me.Howdi d
thatevenwork,Iknewt hiswomancoul dn’
tbe
trust
ed.Mom gotupandchar gedather,“y
oudid
what ?Areyoufucki
ngst upid,doyouwantt ogetal
l
ofuski l
l
ed?”Mom gr abbedherar mt r
yingtot
ake
thewat chof fherwrist;Ci
ndywasf ighti
ngback, “get
yourbl oodyhandsof fmey oubi tch.”Sheshoul dn’t
hav esai dthatbecauseNanat hrewonehel lofa
punchandCi ndylandedont hefloor,Ididn’
tknow
thissideofmymom.Thi swhol esituati
onwas
bringingoutadi ff
erentsidetoev er
yone; mom was
ont opofCi ndyandt ookofft hewat ch.Shest oodup
andpl acedi tont hefloorcrushingitwi t
hapotpl ant;
shet hengotupandst ompedi nt wi
cemor ewithher
shoe.Shesatdowni nherseatandl itoneofKal i
sa’s
cigarettes,“Cindygety ourassupof fthef l
oorand
sitbackatt histabl
eatonce. ”Cindygotupand
wal kedt owar dsthetableandsatdownf arfrom
Nana.
Ilookedatthewomansi tti
ngnextt omeandIwas
shocked,Ididn’tevenknowhowt of eel abouti
t,
“uhm mommy ?”shechangedhert oneandbecamea
sweetangel; Icouldliter
all
yseeherhal o,“yes
honey.”Ipointedatherci garett
e;shel ookedandl i
ke
wav edmeaway .It
riedtoholdinmyl aughbutI
couldn’
tKalisaandKhensani l
aughedal ongwithme.
Theycont i
nueddr i
nking,andwhent heywer e
star
ti
ngtogettipsyandget t
ingf
ault
y,“
andthat’
s
howithappened.”Kali
safini
shedexpl
aini
nghow
shemetKhenan’ sfat
her.Shepoint
edatKhensani,
“You’
reup.
”
Khensani
:Thatwoul
dn’
tbef
air
,Thandoi
sher
e.
Me:Ohhoney
,don’
tletmest
opy
ouIwantt
ohear
t
hisone.
Khensani : ok,ok,ok…Wewer eonhol i
daywi thmy
sisterandwewer et akingagapy ear,we’r
et winsby
theway .SoIwasi nt hehot elroom inJamai caal one
Kat ekani wasatt hepool andshemetKhenan.So
whenshegotbackshet oldmeal laboutitandt hey
wentonadat ewithhi mt hatv er
yni ght.Aftertheir
dat eshedi dn’tli
kehi m, soshegav ehi m mynumber .
Hedi dn’tcal lf
ormont hs,whenwewer edone
tour i
ngt hewor l
dIbumpedi ntohimi nDur ban, he
thoughtIwasmysi sternotawar eoft hetwi n
situation.Wehungoutabi tandwer eall
ylikedeach
other ,Iev entuall
ytoldhi mt het ruthandhef el
tl i
ke
suchani diot.Wehav ebeeni nseparableev ersince.
Okwel lunt i
l
…
Ever yonel aughedatherst ory,itwasact ual l
y
hil
ar i
ous, butwasIt heonlyonewhonot i
cedt hepar t
attheend?Shest il
l lovedhimi twasv erycl ear,how
coul dhebr eakherhear tli
ket hatthough, Iwas
feelingreal l
ybad.Butt herewasn’ tany t
hingIcoul d
do, Ilovedhi mt ooandhewasnol ongeri nl ovewi th
her.Theconv ersationcont inuedandev ery onehada
turn, Ci
ndywasbackt ohernor mal selfandwas
gettingr eallydr unk.Weal lfrozewhent hephone
rang, weal l knewwhoi twasandIt hinkwewer eal l
j
ustt ooner v oust oanswer .Iwast heonl ysoberone
soIgotupandwal kedt otheloungeandanswer edit
,
“Hello.”Icoul dfeel myv oi
ceshaki ng, “r
elaxbabygi rl
,
nobodydi ed. ”Iletoutasi ghofr el
ief,“ l
i
stenhoneyI
cantst ayf orl ong, butwewi l
lcomepi cky ouguy sup
onFr i
daywhenwear edonecl eaningupt hi sside.
Tell mommyIl oveher .
”
Me:
Daddy
,andKhenan?
Him:I
’m ont
hewayt
ohi
mri
ghtnow;
I’
ll
lethi
m cal
l
yousoon.By
enow.
Hecutthecall
andt
hetear
sroll
eddownmyface,
I
t
urnedaroundandt
hewholegangwasst
andi
ng
behi
ndme.
Mom:
Babywhati
sit
?
Me:
Theyar
efi
ne;
theyar
eget
ti
ngusi
n2day
s.
Mom:
OhnowI
’
m get
ti
ngt
heexpensi
vewi
ne.

Shedisappearedintot
hecell
ar,
wewer eal
lhappy
.I
sai
dal i
tt
leprayerandjoi
nedevery
one.Westayed
upti
ll
latecelebrat
ing.

WewokeupFr i
dayandpackedupev erythi
ng,
Iwas
gladtobegoinghomebutIdon’tknowi fIwasready
tofaceKhenan.Therewasacartocollectusatthe
backofthehouse,wedroveoutforabout5mi ns
andtherewasahelicopt
erwai
ti
ngf orus.

Wewer ebacki nourownwor ldandIj ustwant

edto
sleep,It
oldKhenant hatIwouldonl yseehi mt
he
nextday .IsoakedinthebathandwhenIgotoutI
hav e5mi ssedcall
sfrom Cindy.Icall
edherback,
“Thandohe’ snothere.Theyli
edt ome…t heyt
ook
hi
m.”
Me:
Cal
m down,
whatdoy
oumean?
Cindy
:Khenanj
ustl
eftmyhouseandSpi
dert
ook
Zee.
Me:
Ok,
letmegetdr
essedI
’
llber
ightt
her
e.

Icutt
hecal
landdi
all
edKhenan,
“Ijustspoketoyou
nowandyoucoul
dn’
ttel
lmethattheycapturedmy
fat
her
?”
Hi
m: Icoul
dn’
ttell
youoverthephonethat’
swhyI
i
nsist
edoncomi ngoverbutyouref
used.CanIcome
over?
Me:Youhav
edoneenoughdamage;
I’
ll
tal
ktoy
ou
l
ater
.

IdrovetoCindy’shouseandcomf or
tedherti
llshe
fel
lasleep.Howcouldt heyl
etthi
shappen?Didn’t
theyhaveapl an,howcouldtheyonl
ygetoneman?I
gotCindyablanketanddr ov
ehome; Isentheratext
thatI
’dseehert omorrow.
TheweekendwentbyandIr ef
usedtoseeKhenan.
ButSundayhewasn’tt
akingnoforananswer .Iwas
watchi
ngTVintheloungeandhejuststrol
l
edi nas
thoughheownedthehouse.Iwasalit
tlebitstar
tl
ed;
hecameandsatnexttome, “y
ou’vebeenav oi
ding
me.”
Me:Ijustneedt
obeal
one,
Idon’tknowwheremy
f
atherisandmyboyf
ri
endhassomet hi
ngt
odowit
h
i
t.Tel
l mewhyIwoul
dwanttoseey ou?
Hi
m: Iwasn’
tanywher
enearZenonory ourf
atherf
or
amatteroff
act;
Dumi basical
l
yki
dnappedmeand
l
ockedmeupwi thagoril
la.
Me:
Hewoul
dn’
tdot
hat
.
Him:Call
him nowandaskhi
m.ThandoIam done
f
ight
ingwi t
hyou,askmeany
thi
ngandIwil
lanswer
yout
ruthful
ly,
anythi
ng.
Me:
KhenanIdon’
thav
etheener
gyf
ort
hisr
ightnow.
Hi
m:CanIwat
chwi
thy
ou?
Inoddedandhesatnextt
omesi
l
ent
lyandwe
watchedTVt ogether
.Myphoneranganditwas
Khensani,“
Arey ouhome?
”befor
eIcouldevensay
hel
lo.“Yes,I
’m h-.
”
Her
:Gr
eatI
’
m out
side.Openup.

Khenanl ookedatmeandIshr ug, shedi dn’tseem

angryatal l
.Happyact ual
lywhi chwaswei rd,
Khensani hasnev erbeent hi
sni cetoome.These
seemedl ikeasoci alvi
sit
,soIwassur prised.I
openedt hegat eandwai t
edf orheratt hef r
ontdoor,
shecameoutl ookingv er
ygr eat.Shewasi nawhite
shortthatjustcoveredherass, wit
hat urquoiseshir
t
halft
uckedi nandabr ownbl ockheel .Hercur ly
weav eti
edupi namessybun, andcatey eshades.
Shewal kedt owardsmeandhuggedme, “Ihopeyou
havechampagne. ”Shewal kedi nt
ot heki tchengota
bottl
eandagl assandheadedt ot helounge, “
what
areyoudoi nghere? ”shelookedatKhenanand
rol
ledherey es.Shesatdownandst artedopeni ng
thechampagne.
Khenan:
Icoul
deasi
l
yasky
out
hatquest
ion.
Her
:Icamet
ovi
sitmyf
ri
end.
Hi
m:Thandoi
sn’
tyourf
ri
end.
Her:
Howwouldyouknow?Youwerebusyr
unni
ng
ar
oundwi
thyourdr
ugfri
ends,
andIwaswit
hhere.
Me:That
’senoughguy
s,Khensani
whatcanIdoy
ou
f
or?
Her
:Ineedt
ospeakt
oyoui
npr
ivat
e.
ShelookedatKhenan,
andt
hensi
ppedonher
champagne.
Hi
m:I
’
m notl
eav
ingy
ouwi
thT-
Me:KhenanI’
mf i
ne.Khensaniwon’tdoanythi
ngto
me.Whydon’tyougogetsomet hi
ngf orsupper
,I
r
eal
lyfeell
i
kesomet hi
ngfishyt
onight.

Hegavemethel
ook,
andgaveKhensania
t
hreat
eni
ngl
ook.“
onehour
,that
’sal
lI’
m gi
vi
ngy
ou.
”
Khensani
:Gr
eat
.
Shepouredanot
hergl
ass,
“so,
aren’
tyougoi
ngt
osi
t
down?”
Me:
Khensani
what
’sgoi
ngon?
Her
:Wel
l
,Iwantt
osaysor
ry.
Me:
Hm…
Her:Ohshutupandl isten,
I’
m sorryfort
heshitI’
ve
causedbet weeny ouandKhenan.Iwon’ tmakea
shit
tyexcuse, Iwaswr ongandIapol ogi
se.Heloves
youandy oulovehi m andIshouldn’tcomeinthe
middleoft ruelove.Ihav ecomet otermswiththe
factthathewi llneverlovemelikeheoncedi d.With
ti
meIwi l
lgetov erit,
Iwantwhat ’
sbestf orhi
m and
youar ejustthat.From met oyou...
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
[
11/
23,
16:
26]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode49

Shehandedmeanenv el
ope,“Khensani,what’s
this?
”shet ookasi pandpoi ntedattheenv elopefor
met oopen.Iopenedi tandt her
eitwas, adivorce
decree.Real t
histime, wit
hhersignaturedatedwi th
today’sdate.Ididn’tknowhowt ofeelaboutt hi
s.I
start
edcrying,“ohhoney ,
it’
sapleasure.”Ishookmy
headather ,“what’swr ong?Ithoughtthi
si swhat
youwant ed?”Ishookmyheadagai n,“ok,tal
kt o
me. ”
Me:
Idon’
tknowi
fIwantt
omar
ryhi
m.
Her
:Whynot
?
Me:Ican’tdeal
wi t
hthedrugsandpeopl
edy
ingor
capt
ured.Ican’
t,Iwantt
obenor mal
.
Her:Khenanknowshowt oseparateworkandfamily
,
youwon’thavetodealwit
hanythingl
ikewhatjust
happened.Tr
ustmei twasthefi
rstti
meIdealtwit
h
i
t.Helovesyouandthati
swhat’
simport
ant,
hewil
l
doevery
thingi
nhispowertopr
otecty
oufrom i
tal
l
.
Me:
Whati
fhedi
es?Whati
ftheyt
akemybaby
?
Her:Ist
ill
havemybabiesdon’tI
?Hewoul dn’
tlet
anyt
hinghappentot
hepeopl eheloves.Hehates
meandst il
lwoul
dn’
tletany
onet ouchme,youneed
tocalm down.
Me:
Andwhati
fhef
all
sinl
ovewi
thsomeoneel
se?
Her:
Real
lynow?He’sl
ovedyouhi
swhol
eent
ir
eli
fe
andyout
hinki
twil
lchangenow?
Me:
Wel
lhef
ell
fory
ou.
Her:Thatwasbecausehecoul
dn’
tfi
ndyou,andt
he
minutehedidhi
sfeeli
ngsf
ormedisappear
ed.
Me:
I’
m scar
ed.
Her:Nobodyisholdingagunt oyourheadand
sayi
ngmar ryhim st
rai
ghtaway .Youguyshav en’
t
evenknowneachot herforafulltwoyears,soyou
sti
ll
hav eal
ltheti
me.Gett oknowhi m bett
er,getto
knowt heki
dsandt herestofthefamil
yt henmakea
decisi
on.Nobodywi l
lhateyouifyoudecidenott o
marryhi
m.Maybewaitunt
ilaf
tert
hebaby ,
youwi l
l
bethi
nki
ngwit
haclearheadthenandlordknows
youmightbef
eel
ingdif
fer
entl
yaboutall
ofthis.
Me:
Andwhatabouty
ou?
Her:Me?OhboobooIshouldbet heleastofyour
worri
es.I’
m goi
ngtobri
ngthekidsbackt oSAendof
nextyearandthenIwi
l
ltrav
el,whoknowsImi ght
j
ustfi
ndmynexthusband.I’m st
il
lveryyoung.
Me:
WhataboutTar
eck?
Her
:Whatabouthi
m?
Me:
Ithoughty
ouguy
shadat
hing?
Her :Wewerejustfucki
ng;hehasn’
tspokentome
sinceItol
dhim Idon’thav
efeeli
ngsforhi
m.Ifhe
want st
obehav eli
keababyt hensobeit,
I’
m goi
ng
tofindmysel
far ealman!!

Webot
hlaughed,
“If
eel
sost
upi
d.”
Her
:Youki
ndofl
ooki
ttoo,
gocl
eanupy
ourf
ace.
Iwentt
ogowashmyf
ace,
andgotj
uicef
rom t
he
fri
dgeandwentbackt ot
helounge.Khensani
wason
herfeetandKhenanwassit
tingonthecouch
readi
ngthroughthedecr
ee.
Khensani
:Ihav
etogohoney
.
Me:
Thanksf
orcomi
ngby
Her
:Weshoul
ddol
unchsomet
ime.
Me:
I’
ll
keepi
ntouch.

Shel
eft
,andhest
oodupandl
ookedatme,
“hey
.”
Me:
Hi.
Hi
m:Wer
eyoucr
ying?
Me:
Ali
tt
le.
Hi
m:Whatdi
dshedot
oyou?
Me:
Not
hingIwasj
ustbei
ngsi
l
ly.
Hi
m:Howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
Me:
I’
mjustt
ir
ed.
Hi
m:Si
tdownandI
’
llst
artonsupper
.
Hemadet hemostwonder fulseafoodpasta;
Ieven
hadasecondpl ate.Het oldmeaboutwhat
happenedandhowDumi sani l
ockedhim awayf r
om
everyt
hing,apol
ogisedat housandt imes.Imadeit
verycl
eartohi mthatIcoul dn’
ttrusthi
m andhe
neededt oprovehimselfbef or
ewecangobackt o
thewayt hi
ngswer e.ButIwasst i
llgoi
ngtostayat
hishousewi tht
hedoul a,andt henIwouldmov e
permanentlytotheglasshouseaf t
ergi
vingbi
rth.

Wewentt othedoctort ogetherev entuall

y,andwe
foundoutwewer ehav ingal i
ttl
ebabyboy .Wekept
i
tawayf rom everyonebutgott her oom allready.I
hadaf ewweeksunt i
l Ibroughtthisl i
tt
lebundleof
j
oyi ntothewor ld.AndIwasget t
ingbi ggerandmor e
ti
red; Khenanwoul dn’tletmel eavet hehouseIwas
const antl
yinbed.Iwasf eeli
ngsousel ess;Rebecca
waswonder fulIdon’tknowhowIwoul dhave
survivedwi t
houthav i
ngherar ound.Shegotmeout
ofther oom whenKhenanwasn’ taround, buttodayI
didn’tcareIneededt ogetoutoft hi sroom.Iwoke
upandr anmybath;Khenanwokeupassoonashe
heardthewaterr
unning,“
whatdoy out
hinkyouar
e
youdoing?”Hestoodatthebat hr
oom doori
njust
hisbri
efswit
hhisarmscr ossed.Ismil
edathim,
“youaresosexywheny ou’r
eangr y.
”
Hi
m:Whydi
dn’
tyouwakemeup?
Me:Youl
ookedsopeacef
ulandIdi
dn’
twantt
o
di
stur
byou.
Hi
m:ThandoIt
oldy
out
haty
ouneedt
orest
.
Iwalkedov ertohi
m andputmyar msaroundhis
waist;Iwentonmyt i
ptoesandpuckeredmyli
ps,
“ki
ss.”Hisfacerel
ax edint
oasmi l
e,sheshookhis
headandki ssedmyf or
eheadandtri
edtopull
away
butIdidn’
tlethim go.Helookedatme, “
whydoy ou
haveanaught ylookony ourface?
”
Me:
me?Naught
y,nev
er!
Igrabbedhisasswi t
honehand, andIki
ssedhis
chest.Ifel
thismanhoodgethardandhel ookedat
me, “
whatar eyoudoing?”Iputmyhanddownhi s
bri
efsandst art
edplayi
ngwi t
hhismanhood;hewas
moani ngandstart
edkissingmehungril
y.Hetook
myhandoutfrom hi
sbri
efsandl
edmetothe
bedroom,hel
aymeonmybackandwasonmysi de
ki
ssingmeandsli
ppedhishandbet
weenmylegs
andtouchedmypeach,
hestoppedandl
ookedatme
shocked.
Me:
Whatbaby
?
Hi
m:Hai
rymuch,
nowayI
’
m put
ti
ngt
hati
nmy
mout
h.
Me:Idon’
twanty
oumout
h,gi
vemesomeKi
ng
Kong.

Hechuckl edandcont inued; hedisappear edbet ween

myl egsandat emeup, “
Ba...baby yy
.”Mybodywas
vi
bratingsl i
ghtlyandheputaf i
ngeri nsi
deand
start
edmov i
nghi stonguef asterandmybody
couldn’ttakeitany mor e,“
ooh…my yfuuu…”Mybody
vi
bratedv igorouslyandIwasont hebedt wi tchi
ng
andmyl egswer eshaking,Khenanemer gedand
smiled, “
mor ningmommy .”Heki ssedmyst omach
andt urnedmet omysi de;hel i
ft
edmyl egand
enteredme.Igasped, hewasst aringstraightinto
myey es;andhedi dn’tt
aket hem of fme.I twasl i
ke
electri
citywaspul l
ingusateachot her,ther oom
wassi lentapartf rom ourheav ybr eathing.Hehel d
ont omyl egandl eanedi nal i
ttl
ecl osert omyf ace
butnotki ssingme, thelookinhi sey esi ntensifi
ed
andst artedmov i
ngf asteranddeeper .Myhear t
skippedacoupl eofbeat s,
theconnect ionwas
i
ncr edibl
eandat earescaped, Ididn’tbot herwi pi
ng
i
taway .Hedi dn’tstoplookingatme, hehel dont i
ght
tomeandweexpl odedintoanor gasm st illeyes
l
ockedt ogether.Het wi
tchinsidemet henl aydown
onhi ssideinf rontofme.Hewasst i
llstaringdeep
i
nt omyey e,“Il
ov ey ousomuch.Pl easem-”
Me:
Yes,
I’
ll
mar
ryy
ou.
Istartedteari
ngup, “ar
eyoubeingser i
ous?”His
eyeswer eopenwi deindi
sbeli
ef.Inodded,“wai
t
here.”Hegotof fthebedandcamebackwi thali
tt
le
vel
v etblackbox,Isatupont hebedandheknel tin
fr
ontofme, “babywhatarey oudoingIalreadyhave
aring.”
Him:Wil
lyoujustshutup.Iknowyouhav
ear i
ng,
butIwasn’
taskingforyourhandi
nmarri
age.Thi
s
ri
ngi sdiff
erent ,
it’
si sy ourengagementring.Baby ,
thisstoneisapi nkst ardiamond; i
t’
saper fectgem
sopur ewithnoaddi t
ional huesorothercolours’
i
nf l
uence.Ther ear eav eryfewdiamondst hatar e
perfectbynat ure,andbyf arthemostper fect.It
’s
consideredt obef lawl ess,iti
sthemostv aluable
diamondt herei s.FineIt hinkyougetthepoi nt,i
tisa
verybeautiful,preciousst onethatmanypeopl ewish
toown.SowhatI ’
mt ry i
ngt osayisyouaremyPi nk
StarDiamond, youar esopr eci
oustomeandIl ove
youwi thallmyhear t.
Me:That
’ssweetbaby,butIcannotwal
kar
ound
weari
ngthatr
ing.Youwantthem t
ochopof
fmy
f
inger
?
Hechuckl
ed,“Iunderst
and,butIj
ustgaveyoua
whol
e‘you’
reprecious’
speechandthat’
showyou
r
espond?I’
m hurt.
..gi
vemey ourhand.
Itr
iedt okeepast r
aightf
ace,butwasgiggl
ingdeep
downi nside.Heslidther
ingontomyfingerandI
j
ustst aredatit
,itwastoogorgeousandheavyt oo.I
smiled,Iwasgoi ngtomarrythemanofmydr eams,
thi
swascr azy.
Him:Nowlet
’sgety
oucl
eanedup;
weneedt
osor
t
outt
hatpr
oblem.
Me:
Whatpr
obl
em?
Hepoi ntedatmypeachwi thhiseyes,“that
probl em. ”Igav ehi mt helookandhej ustl aughed, he
kissedmyf or eheadandwal kedt othebat hroom.We
tookabat h;Iwor eabl uematernitydress.Itwas
cut eact ually
, Kalisahadgoti tformeandshewoul d
behappyi fIwor eit.Iti
edmyhai rupi nabunand
wentdownst airs.Nobodywasup, i
twaswei rd.I
l
ookedatt hewat chitwasal r
eady8h30, Iwentt o
theki tchenandcheckedt heov en,warmerandt he
mi crowav eandnot hing.Nobodycooked?Iopened
thef ridge,not hing,“BABY! !
”Iwashungr y,andI
neededf oodnow!“ Whyar eyoushout i
ng?I ’
mr i
ght
her ehoney .Whati sit?”
Me:Ididn’
tknowy
ouwer
eher
e,t
her
e’snof
oodI
’
m
hungr
y.
Hi
m:Si
tdownI
’
llmakey
ousomet
hingt
oeat
?
Me:
No, Iwantt
ogoout.Ther
e’sthisnicepl
aceby
t
hebeachandthei
rfoodi
sabsolutelyawesome.
Hi
m:Imakeawesomef
oodt
oo.
Me:Ij
ustwantt
ogetoutofthehouse,
please.I
’
m
goi
ngcrazyi
nhereKhenan.
Hi
m:Fi
ne,
gety
ourst
uff
.

Wehadbr eakfastbyt hebeachwhi chwast hewor st

i
deaev er,theweat herwassogl oomy, andKhenan
hadt hat‘Itoldyouso’ l
ookonhi sface.Idi dn’tcar
e;
atleastIwasoutoft hehouse.Wedeci dedt odoa
l
itt
lebabyshoppi ng, l
it
tleturnedoutt obeawhol e
bootf ullofbabycl othesandt oy s.Iwaswi shingfor
sampandt ri
pesowegotal lthoset hi
ngsandwe
headedhome.Ist artedwitht hepot s;Ihadn’ tseen
thegirlsinal ongt i
mesoIi nvitedthem ov erf or
supper .Theev eningwasf un;af t
erwardsIt ooka
showerandsatont hebedwi thmyl apt op.Khenan
camei n30mi nut
esl aterandsatnextt ome, “
What
areyoudoi ng?”
Me:Iwast
hinki
ng…we’
rehav
ingt
hebabyany
mi
nutenow.
Hi
m:Sooooo?
Me:Whydon’
twehavel
ikeapar
tyt
orev
eal
thesex
oft
hebaby,
somet
hingsmall
?
Hi
m:Ar
eyout
hrowi
ngy
ourownbabyshower
?
Me:
No.
Him:Areyoumadbecauseyourfr
iendsdidn’
tthr
ow
youone?Don’
twor
ry,minedidn’
teit
her.
Me:
Arey
ougoi
ngt
obeanassy
ourwhol
eli
fe?
Hecrackedupl
aughing,
“it
’sokaybaby,
Iwi
l
lthr
ow
youababyshower.
”Hewasget t
ingonmyl
astner
ve,
“
getout.”
Hi
m: Baby
,I’mjustj
oki
ng.Wheni
sthepar
tysoIcan
i
nvi
temyf r
iends?
Me:
Isai
dgetout
,leav
emeal
one.

Icl
osedt
helaptopandgoti
ntobed,
“babywedon’
t
j
okeanymor
e? ”
Iignoredhim,“I’
m sor
ry,
Idi
dn’
tthi
nkitwoul
dupset
you.”Ididn’
trespondandwentt
osleep.
[
11/
23,
16:
27]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode50
*
***
***
***
***
***
***Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
**

Thandowasst il
lmadatme; shehadn’tsaidmor e
than5wor dstomef orthepasttwoday s.Igotup
andshower edi
nt hespareroom.Iwal kedt oour
bedroom andshewasal readydressed,“mor ni
ng
baby,youlookbeauti
ful
.”
Her
:Hm
Me:
Wher
ear
eyouof
fto?
Iknewv erywell
shewasgoi ngt othel
astdoct or’
s
appoi ntmentbeforegivingbi r
th.Ihadcall
edMbal i
duringt heweekt otakehert here.Andorgani sed
witht hedoctortostallher,shewasgoi ngtobemad,
butitwasal l
worthitint heend.Sheputonmakeup
andl eft,shewasn’thavingav er
y‘pret
ty’
day .Iknow
cozsheonl yputsonmakeupwhenshei sfeeling
shit
t y.Imadesur eshehadl eftandthenmadeacal l,
“she’sgone. ”
10minut
eslat
erthehousewasfi
ll
edwi
thabout20
peopl
e,t
heywentint
othebackt
osetup,“
MOM! !
”
Kal
i
sa:
I’
mri
ghther
e,whyy
ouscr
eami
ng?
Me:I’
m goi
ngtofetcht
hecupcakesandt
hecakes,
pl
easewatchevery
one.
Kal
i
sa:
Alr
ight
,I’
l
lber
ighther
e.

Idrovetothelaundromattofetchherdress,and
thentothebakery.Goshthiswassuchami ssion;I
didn’
tthi
nkI’
dpul lt
hisof
f.Isatinthecarandl ooked
atmyl i
standtickedofft
hedr essandthecakes, I
satinthecaranddiall
edMbal i,
“how’
sitgoing? ”
Mbal
i
:Shei
sfur
ious,
thedoct
ori
s30mi
nut
esl
ate.
Me:
Thatwast
hewhol
epl
an.
Mbal
i:
Shei sgoi
ngtoki
lly
ou,andshekeeps
compl
aini
nghowy oudi
dn’twantt
hepart
y.
Me: wellwhatwasIsupposedt
osay?‘Babydon’
t
throwthepartybecauseI
’v
ealr
eadyf
inished
organi
singit”
Mbali
:Welli
t’
sst
upi
dwhenyouputi
tli
ket
hat
,no
wondersheismadaty
ou.

Shechuckl
ed,
“Ihopet
hiswor
ksorel
sey
ou’
rea
deadman.”
Me:
Lov
eyout
oMbal
i
,seey
oul
ater
.

IdrovehomeandwhenIar ri
vedthehousewas
buzzing.Butt hegardenwasl ookingl i
keami ni
paradisewi thpinkandbl ueballoonsev er
ywher e.
Chocol atefountain,
Ilovedi t
.IthinkIkindof
squealed.Theguest swer estart
ingt oarr
ive,
I
couldn’triskhavingallt
hecar spar kedinthey ardso
theypar kedatthepar kandIor gani sedacoupl eof
shuttl
est opickt hem up,thebacky ardwasbuzzi ng.
Mbal isentmeamessaget hattheywer eontheway .

Whentheywalkedi
ntothef
rontdoorIwast
her
eto
gr
eett
hem, “
heybaby.CanItal
ktoyou?”
Her
:I’
mti
red,
Shewalkedupstair
stothebedr
oom,andIfol
lowed
her
,“BabyI’
m sorryandIwantt
omakeituptoy ou,
pl
ease.”Shelookedatmeandtookasipofher
water
,“Whatdoy ouwantfr
om meKhenan?”
Me:Babypleasej
ustputthisdressonandmeetme
out
side,
Ihaveaspecialdayplannedforus.Iwantt
o
makeupf ormyfool
ishness.
Shesi
ghedandpi
ckedupt
hedr
ess,
“itwon’
tfi
t.
”
Me:
Trustme.I
’
llbedownst
air
s,wanti
cecr
eam?
Her:hel
lyeah,
chocchi
ps.Andputt
hatf
unnypi
nk
sauce.
Me:
Ok,
20mi
ns.

20mi nut
eslat
ershecameoutwal ki
ngbar ef
oot,
I
di
dn’tmindshewasi nthedr essandshel ooks
stunni
ng.Ihadheri
cecr eam andl edherouttothe
backgarden,“
SURPRI SE!!
!”Shejustfr
ozeand
l
ookedatev er
yone,shelookedatmeandpunched
met henshestar
tedcr y
ing.
Me:
Babywhyar
eyoucr
ying?
Her
:becausey
ou’
reani
diot
.
Me:
Youri
diot
.

Theaf ter
noonwasasuccess, ev eryonewasexci ted
thatwewer ehav ingaboy.Theyboughtl oadsof
presents.Everyonewashav i
ngaj ol
lyti
me, Ilooked
overatmyf i
ancéandshel ookedt ir
e.Ididn’tblame
her,shewassi t
tingdowny awni ngandIknewIhad
togetheri ntobed.Iwalkedov ertoher,“
It hinkwe
shoul dgetyouint obed.
”Iwal kedherupt hest ai
rs
andi ntobed.Ev eryonel
eftandIf inall
ygott oobedI
wasexhaust ed.

Thenext2weekswerehardonThando,
shewas
havi
ngbackpai
nsandherfeetwer
eswollen.She
coul
dn’
twearanyshoesandspendmostofherdays
i
nagown, wehadonemor eweektogo.
Icamebackf r
om workandfoundherwat chi
ngTV,
toni
ghthershowwasairi
ngthefir
stepisode.Igot
snacksandwecuddledonthebedandwat ched
toget
her.Il
aughed,
“whatar
ey oulaughi
ngat ?”
Me:Rememberwhenyoushott
hisy
out
houghty
ou
wer
efat,
lookaty
ounow.
Wewat chedther estoft
heshowandImusthav
e
dosedoff,becausenextthi
ngshewashi
tt
ingmy
shoul
der,“Khenan,Baby.
”
Me:
I’
m notsl
eepi
ng,
thatwasagr
eatepi
sode.
Isatupshewasi
ntear
s,“
babywhati
sit
?”
Her
:It
’st
ooear
ly.I
’
m aweekear
ly.
Me:
Whatar
eyouonabout
?
Thebedwaswet,herwat
erbroke.Ij
umpedupoff
thebedIdi
dn’
tknowwhattodo.Iwenti
ntothehal
l
,
“MOM….REBECCA”

Rebeccarushedi
ntot
her
oom andheadedst
rai
ght
forThando,“
Heymommy.”
Thando:
Thebabyi
sear
ly,
Ihav
eoneweekt
ogo.
Becca:don’
tworryaboutthat
,39weeksi
sgood,
you’
regood.Khenanpleasebr
ingt
hecararound
we’dbedownin5mi nutes.
Me:
Ok.

Irandownt hest ai
rs,andbr oughtthecararound.I
don’tknowwhyIwaspani ckingwehadgoneov er
thi
sami ll
iont i
mes.Iguessi ti
sdiff
erentwheni t’
s
therealdeal .10mi nuteslaterRebeccaandThando
walkedtowar dsthecarIgotoutandhel pedt hem
getherint hebackseat .Kali
sacameov er,
“I’
llsee
youguy sint hemor ning,thatbabywon’ tbebor n
anyti
mesoon. ”Shegav emear eassuri
ngsqueeze
onmyar m, Iwentbackt othecarandwedr ov eto
thehospital.Thandosatsi l
entl
yint heback,shewas
calm now, “Babyhowar ey oufeeli
ng??”
Her
:I’
m al
ri
ghtbaby
.
Rebecca:Youdoinggr
eat,hav
eyoufel
tany
cont
racti
onsinceweleftt
hehouse?

Thandoshookherhead,Iwassopr oudofher .We

gottothehospi
tal
,andonlythendidIreali
zeIwasin
myboxers,goshIguessIwasr eal
l
ypani cki
ng.I
di
dn’tcar
e,wewalkedint
ot hehospit
alandwer e
givenawheelchair,oneofthenur seshelpedr oll
to
thematernit
ywar d.TheysetThandoi nar oom andI
hadt of
il
loutsomepaper s.Rebeccawashel ping
Thandochangei ntothehospi t
alclothes,andhelped
heronthebed.Iwasdonewi ththepaper sbyt he
ti
met henursecamei n,
shet ookthecl i
pboardand
walkedovertothebed, “you’
redoi nggreatMr s
DeCosta.”
Thando:
MissKhumal
o.
Nur
se:
Okma’
am,
nowl
etushav
eal
ook.
Shelookedbet weenherl
egsandt henemerged,
“5
centi
met r
es.Notbad,may beyoushouldwalk
aroundabi tt
hatnormall
yhelps.Yourdoct
orwil
lbe
hereinthemor ni
ng.”
Thando:
Mor
ning?
Nurse:YesMrs,uhm MissKhumalo.Youareonl
y5
cm dil
ated;
yousti
llhav
ealit
tl
ebitlongert
ogo.But
you’
redoinggreat
.
Thetimenowwas04h30; thecont r
acti
onswere
get
ti
ngcloserandclosertogether.Rebeccawas
hel
pingherwit
hbreathingexercises.Thi
swasal ong
morning,butThandowashandl i
ngitver ywell.The
doctorcame.Hecheckedherandsai dshewas
doi
nggr eat;j
ustacouplemorehoursandt henwe
wouldhav eourli
tt
lebaby.Wehadn’tev endeci ded
onanynames, wehadplayedaroundwi thaf ewbut
neverpickedone.Myphoner ang,“
Hello.”Itwas
Dumi sani
,“I
sittr
ue?I’
m agrandfat
her?”
Me:Notyet
,sheisst
il
li
nlabour
.Sor
ryf
ornotcal
l
ing
wasabusymor ni
ng.
Dumi:Don’
tbesil
l
y ,we’
l
lbet
her
einacoupl
eof
hour
s.CanItel
lCindy?
Me:Uhm,maybenotjusty
et,j
ustyouguysand
Kal
i
safornow.Ev
eryoneelsewil
lknowlat
er.
Dumi
sani
:WhataboutMbal
i
?
Me:
Ok,
ify
ou’
l
lletherknowf
orme.
Dumi
:Wi
l
ldo,
doy
ouneedany
thi
ng?
Me:
Clot
hespl
ease.
Helaughed,“
Seeyoulater
.”Wecutt
hecallandI
wentbacktothel
adies.Theti
mewasnearingand
Thandodidn’
twantmei nther
oom whenshewas
del
i
ver
ing,
isshef
ucki
ngcr
azy
,“I
’
m notgoi
ng
any
where,
”
Thando:
Whati
fIshi
tmy
sel
f?
Me:(chuckl
e)Areyoubei
ngseri
ousr
ightnow?
That
’swhaty ou’
rewor
ri
edabout?
Aknockont hedoor ,Dumi sani walkedi nf ol
lowedby
hiswi fe,shewashol dingbal l
oonsandt heybr ought
gift
s, “
Khenant hisisf ory ou.”Ilookedi nt hepaper
bagandi twascl othes, “You’real if
esav er.”Igot
dressedi nt hebat hroom, Dumi sani act uallywent
shoppi ngf orme, andIt houghthewoul dt ake
somet hingoutofhi scloset .Byt het imeIgotout
KalisaandMbal iwer et heretoo, ever yonewas
crowdi ngherandshewasget t
ingannoy ed.Luckily
thedoct orcamei njusti ntimeandev eryonehadt o
l
eav et heroom.I twast i
me, Igotdr essedi nscrubs
andwewer ewheel edoutoft her oom.Thandowas
nowbeggi ngmenott ogoany wher e; shewant edme
tost aywi t
hher .Iwasn’ tgoingany wher e,shewas
scar edandIwasn’ tgoingt ol eavehersi de.Shewas
doinggr eat ,pushingwhent hedoct orwast el
li
ngher
topush, Idon’ tknowhowl ongt hepr ocessnor mall
y
takesbutt hiswasnowt akingf orever.Thandowas
sweat ingandshewasl ookingext remel ytir
ed, she
wasgoi ngt ocol l
apseanymi nut enow, “
Thandot he
babyi sget tingt ired,weneedt ogethi m outof
there.”Ileanedi ntoherearwhi leshewas
squeezi nghar donmyhand, “Youcandoi tbaby .”
Anot her5mi nsl aterthedoct orcal l
edout ,“onemor e
push. ”Thandopushedwi thalltheener gyshehad
l
eftandshecol lapsedonherbackandwasl ights
out,thedoct orhel dmysoni nhi shandsandshout ed
outsomet hi ngandIdi dn’tevenhear .Allt
hest af
fin
theroom st artedr ushi
ngandt heycar ri
edmybaby
away , anur sewal kedupt ome, “MrDeCost a,Ineed
yout owai tout side.”Shepushedmeoutoft her oom,
Ifel
tdi sorient atedandIdon’ tknowwhatwasgoi ng
on.Icoul dn’ tlosemyf ami l
y ,
shehadt omakei t.
Theybot hhadt omakei t
.Shepushedmeoutt he
room, whenIgotout si
deev eryonewasj ustlooki ng
atme, “what ’sgoi ngon? ”Ijustshr uggedandsat
down, Iputmyf acei nmyhandsandst artedcr yi
ng
uncont roll
abl y,Iscr eamed.Kal isasatnextt omeand
handedmewat er.“Dri
nkupbaby ;t
heyar egoi ngt o
bef i
ne. ”Idr ankt hewat eraf t
erIhadcal meddown; I
wentout
sideandhadacigaret
te.WhenIcameto
j
oinever
yoneelse,
thedoct
orcameout,“MrDeCos-
”
Me:
Howi
sshe,
wher
eismywi
feandson?
Doctor:
Yourwif
elostalotofblood,
sheisokbut
ver
yweakatt hi
sti
me, sheneedstorest
,buti
na
coupleofday
sshewi l
lbefineandbacktonormal
.
Me:
Andmybaby
?
Doctor
:Thedeli
ver
ywasn’tanormaloneasyousaw;
i
twast oolongt
husexhaust
ingbot
hy ourwi
feand
thebaby.
Me:
Arey
out
ell
i
ngmehedi
dn’
tmakei
t?
Doct
or:Wehavehim underobservat
ion,ri
ghtnow
wedon’tknowwhatwill
happen.Thisfirst24hour
s
i
sthemostcruci
al,
ifhemakesi tunti
ltomorrow
we’
reinthecl
ear
.
Me:
CanIseehi
m?
Doctor
:Heisr
esti
ng,l
ikeIsai
dheisexhaust
ed.He
needsall
ther
esthecanget,hehast
oheal.
Me:
Ishehur
t?
Doctor:
Hewasn’tbr
eat
hingwhenhecameout,
so
forawhilenooxy
genwastrav
ell
i
ngtohi
sbrai
nand
otheror
gans.
Me:
Wil
lhemakei
t?
Doct
or:Li
keIsaid,wearen’
tsureri
ghtnow.Aft
er24
hour
swe’llbecert
ain,
wehav edoneallt
hatwecan.
Weneedy outopray.I
’l
lcomegetyouwheny oucan
seeyourwife.
Iturnedar oundandt hewhol efamilyhadhear dwhat
thedoct orsaid,Dumi sani wascomf ortinghiswi fe.I
walkedoutt other ecept ion,theydidn’thav ea
cigarett
emachi neIgoti nt hecarandf oundaboxi n
thecubbyandl itoner i
ghtt her ei
nsidet hecar .I
smokedandl i
tthenextoneandmyphoner ang,
“Yeah.”Mbal iwasont heot herli
ne, “
thedoct orsay s
wecanseehernow. ”Gosh, Iletoutasi gh,“youguy s
goaheadI ’l
lber i
ghtt her einabi t.
”If i
nishedt he
cigarett
eandwal kedt owar dst heentrance, andthen
Ihear dsomeonecal lingoutmyname.Idi dn’ttur
n
around, t
hecal l
edoutmynameagai nandt histime
i
twascl oser,Iturnedar oundandIwasf aci
ng
Siyanda.What ,
hewasdr essedi nawhi tecoat ,soI
wasguessi
nghewasnowadoct
orher
e.
Me:
Howar
eyoubuddy
?
Hi
m: I
’m good,It
houghtt
hatwasy ou.I
t’
sbeen
f
orev
erwher ehaveyoubeenhi
ding?
Me:Youknowher
e,t
her
eev
ery
wher
e.Ar
eyou
wor
kingher
enow?
Hi
m:Yi
p,y
ou?Iknowy
ou’
renother
eforwor
k.
Me:
Myf
iancéj
ustgav
ebi
rt
h.
Hi
m:That
’sgr
eatbuddy
,congr
atul
ati
ons.
Me:
Thanks,
li
stenIgott
ogetgoi
ng.
Hi
m:Ar
eyouok?
Me:Yeah,I
’
llf
indy
oubef
oreIl
eav
e.Weshoul
dhav
e
dr
inkssometi
me.

IwalkedtowardsThando’ sroom;Istoodatthedoor
andthenentered.Ev er
yonewasst andi
ngaroundher
pray
ing,Ij
uststoodi nthecornerwithmyheaddown
unti
ltheyfi
nished.Theyalll
eftandsaidtheywould
comebackl ater.Isatdownnexttoherholdingher
hand; shelookedsohel plesswi tht hemachi nes
pluggedi nt
oher .Icoul dn’thel pbutbr eakdown
again.Whywast hishappeni ngt ome?WasIt hat
badofaper sont hatgodwant edt opuni shme?I
saidal i
ttl
epr ayeraski nggodt opr ot ectmyf ami l
y.I
spentacoupl eofhour sbef orewant ingt ogoseemy
son;Ihadt ol ookathi mt hroughagl asswi ndow.He
wasal soconnect edt omachi nes, Itookoutmy
phoneandt ookapi ctureofhi m, i
twasn’ tclearbuti t
wasgoodenought oshowThandowhensheget sup.
Shewasgoi ngt obesohappy .If ellasleepont he
couchi nThando’ sr oom andwaswokenupgent l
yby
oneoft henur ses, “
Mr .DeCost asi r.
”Myey esshot
open, “Whatisi t
,issheawake? ”Thenur se
whisper ed,“
Canwet alkout side? ”Igotupl ookedat
Thandoandputonmyshoes, Ifoll
owedherout si
de.
“I
’m sorrytowakey ousi rbutt hedoct orwant st o
seey oui nhisoffice,”shel edt hewayt ohisof fi
ce
andhewassi tt
ingathi sdeskwr iti
ngdown
somet hing,helookedupandsi gnalledf ormet o
enter,“CanIgety ouadr i
nk? ”Ishookmyhead; he
start
edagai n, “
Mr .DeCost ather eisnoeasywayf or
met osayt hi-”Igotupof fthechai r,“Thanky ouv ery
muchdoct or.
”Iwalkedoutofhisoff
ice,Ichecked
onmyf iancéandthenwentout si
deforaci garette,I
fel
tashar ppai
ninmychest .I
twaslikesomeone
wascuttingoutmyheart.Mykneesf el
tweekandI
satdownonabenchnear byandcomposedmy self
.I
couldn’
tbeweak,notnow; Thandoneededmet obe
str
ongforher.Iwentbackinsideandfel
l asleep
sit
ti
ngnexttoThandowi thmyheadonherbed.
[
11/
23,
17:
08]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode51

*
***
***
***
***
***
**Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

Iwokeupi twas21h00, howl onghadIbeenoutf or?

Ilookedar oundandf oundmymansl eepingnextt o
me, “Khenan,baby .
”Hedi dn’twake; Icouldbar el
y
hearmyownv oice,“Khenan.”Hesatupst r
aight
shocked; helookedlikehehadn’ tsleptinaweek.
“Baby ,
you’reawake.Letmegett hedoct or.
”Hewent
outsideandgotanur seandcamebacki n,“Whereis
mybabyKhenan? ”hepr etendednott ohearmeand
askedt henursei fIwasok.Il ookedathi m andknew
somethingwaswrong,
“Khenan,whathappened?”
thenurselef
tther
oom andhetookmyhand, “He
didn’
tmakeit.”
Itr
iedtosi
tup,butIdidn’
thavetheener
gy,
soIlay
onmyback.Ididn’tunder
standwhathewassaying,
Iwassoconfusedandsohur tandIaskedhi
m again,
“Khenanbr
ingmemybaby ..
.”
Hi
m:Baby
,Ican’
t.
Iletoutal oudcry;i
twashear d10bl ocksaway .The
tearswer ejustrol
li
ngl i
keafount ai
ndownt heside
ofmyf ace.Iwasangr y,Iwashur t,
Ifeltsomany
emot i
onsatt hatmoment ,“
Wher ewer ey ou?How
couldy oulethim die?Iaskedy ounott oleaveus.”
Het ri
edt oanswermebutIdi dn’twantt ohear
anything.“Khenanpl easegetoutofmyr oom…”he
satont hechai rwit
houtmov ing,“Thando, I
’m not
goingany where.”
Me:
Isai
dGETOUT!
!!NURSE!
!
Themachi
nesstart
edbeepingand3nur sescame
i
ntomyroom,“Gethim outofher
e.Inev
erwantt o
seehi
m.”Oneofthenursesescort
edhim outthe
room andtheot
herdr
uggedme.AndIwenti
ntoa
deepsleep.

Thenextt i
meIwokeupt hedoct orwastalki
ngt omy
parent s.Idon’
tevenknowhowl ongI’
dslept,I
l
ookeddownatmyst omachandt her
ewasnobul ge.
Itwasn’ tadream,mybabywasdead.Ihadanempt y
feeli
ngi nmyhear tanditached.Thedoct orwalked
towar dsme, “howareyouf eel
ing?”washebei ng
seriousr i
ghtnow?Hewasaski ngmet hatquest i
on?
“I’
m alright.
”
Doct
or:we’
regladt
ohaveyouback.We’l
ldi
schar
ge
youi
nthemor ni
ng;i
nthemeanti
meI’
ll
getthenurse
tobr
ingyousomethi
ngtoeatok?
Inodded,helef
ttheroom andDumi camet ositnext
tomybed.“ Howar eyouf
eeli
nghoney ?
”hel ooked
atme, hewasn’tsmil
i
ng;hiseyeswerefil
l
edwi th
greatsadnessandheseemedl ikehewantedt ocry.
Me:
Ifeel
alr
ight
,ti
redandal
i
ttl
ehungr
y.
Mom cameandstoodbyhim,“
youlookt
hin;
maybeI
shoul
dcookyousomethi
ngandbri
ngitf
oryou.
”I
shookmyhead, “
I’
mf inemommy .”Thenursecame
i
nwi t
hfood,myparent sl
eftandwouldcomeinthe
morningf
orme.It r
iedtoeatthehospit
alf
oodandit
washorri
ble,
“Idon’
twantt hi
sshi
t.”
Nurse:
ButMissKhumal
oyouhav
etoeatt
oregai
n
yourst
rengt
h.
Ipout edandt urnedtheot herway ,“
leavemeal one,
I’
dr atherstarvethaneatany mor eofthat.”Khenan
wal kedin,“what’sgoingonher e?”Thenur sest ood
upandl ookedatmepi ssedoff,“shewon’ teatsir.
”
Khenanl ookedatme, “
Thando? ”Whatdi dhet hinkI
was?Hi schildandhewoul dfr
ightenme?Ohhel lno,
“tasteitandt el
lmei fyouwoul dwantany thi
ngl i
ke
thatneary ourtastebuds. ”Helookedatt hebowl
andpul ledhisface, “
I’
llt
akeitfrom here.”Thenur se
l
ef tandhecl osedt hedoorbehi ndhim.
Hi
m:howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
Me:
Empt
y.Dead.
Him:I
’m sorr
ybaby;noneofthi
swasyourfaul
t.
Ther
ewasnot hingmoreforanyofust
odo, wejust
nowneedt ostayst
rongandwe’ll
gett
hroughthi
s
t
oget
her
.
Istar
tedcrying,hegoti nt
obedandhel dmei nhi
s
armsandIcr i
edev enmor e.Whywasmeant ohi
m
befor
ewhenIknewnoneoft hiswashi sfaul
t?How
areweev ergoingtogett hroughsuchal oss?Idi
dn’
t
know,Ilookedupathi m,“I’
m sor r
y.”Hekissedmy
for
ehead,“thereisnot hi
ngtobesor ryfor
.Youdid
yourpart;
Iguessi tjustwasn’ tourtime.Wehav e
manymor eyearstot ryagain.”
Me:
I’
m hungr
y.
Hi
m:Thenwhywer
eyouf
ight
ingt
henur
se(
chuckl
e)
Me:
Lookatt
hat
,Idon’
tev
enknowwhatt
hati
s.
Hi
m:Luckyf
ory
ou,
Iboughty
ousomet
hing.
Heopenedt heblueshoppingbaghewascar ryi
ng,
andthenlookedatme.Whatwast hismandoing,
“Bef
oreIdiefrom st
arvati
onplease.
”Helaughedat
meandpul l
edoutaj uiceandhandedittome,“I’
l
l
getthi
swarmedupf oryou,gi
veme5mi nut
es.”He
camebackandt heroom wasf il
ledwit
hthesmel l
of
cheeseandpasta,IswearIwasget t
ingahintof
mushroomsandbacon.Il ovethisman;healways
knowshowt omakemef eelbetterandknows
exactl
ywhatIneed.Iatemysupperandwef el
l
asleepwhil
ewat chi
ngamov ie.Thenextmor ni
nghe
wokemeupandhel pedmebat h;hehadbroughtme
achangeofcl ot
hes.Hesi gnedev eryt
hingandwe
wer er
eadytogo, myparentsar ri
vejustaswewere
abouttoleave.
Mom:
Youl
ooksomuchbet
tert
odaybaby
.
Sheki ssedmycheekandf oldedallmyt hi
ngs, Idon’
t
knowwhyt hewheel chairwasnecessar ybutKhenan
i
nsisted?Hewheel edmet owardst heexitofthe
hospitalandt hedoct orcal ledoutafterus,Khenan
wentt ospeakt ohi m whi l
emydadt ookmet ot he
car.KhenanandIdr ovehomequi etl
y,“Wheredoy ou
wantt ogobaby ?”Ihadn’ tthoughtoft hatreal
ly .
“Durban,”Ianswer ed.Hel ookedatme, andnodded,
“Sohowaboutwedot his,wegot omyhouseand
spendt heni ghtt
her e,andt omorrowwewi l
lhav ethe
funeralinthebacky ardandt henjetofftoDur ban.
Howdoest hatsound? ”Inodded, wear r
ivehome
andKal isawasi ntheki tchenmaki ngsomet hing,I
don’tknowwhatbecausei twasonl y9am.Igr eeted
herandshehuggedme, Iwalkedintothebedroom
andfrozeatthedoor;memor iesofthenightIwent
i
ntolabourcamebackt omeandIwasj ust
overwhelmedwithemot i
on.Istart
edcr y
ing,Khenan
stoodbehindmeandr eali
zedaf t
erawhi l
ewhatwas
wrong,“I
’m sor
rybaby,l
etmesetupi noneoft he
sparebedrooms.”Ishookmyhead, “
NoIwantt obe
i
nher e.
”
Icrawledont othebed, andaskedKhenanf orhot
chocolateandcake.Hecameupwi that hicksli
ceof
caramel cakeandahugemug.Iwat chedTVwhi l
e
eati
ngandt henfellasl
eep.Heneverleftmysi de,i
t
wasar ound13h30whenIwokeupandhewason
thephonewhi speri
ng.Iwenttothetoil
etandgot
backintobed.Hef i
nishedhiscal
landt hencamet o
me, “
Ar eyouok? ”Inodded,“howarethef uneral
arr
angement sgoing?Doy ouneedanyhel p? ”
Him:Nobaby,Mbal
itookcar
eofev
ery
thi
ng.Shei
s
heav
ensent.
Me:
Iknow,
I’
m gr
atef
ult
ohav
eher
.
Hi
m:Wedeci
dedt
ogethi
m cr
emat
ed,
ift
hati
sok
wi
thy
ou?
Me:
That
’sper
fect
;canwegopi
ckanur
ntoday
?
Him:I’
-yesbaby
,letmegetyousomethi
ngtoeat
thenwecangolook.Wil
lyoueather
eoryou’
re
goingtocomedown?
Me:
Her
epl
ease.
Het ookdownt hedi
rtydishesandwentt ogetfood
forme.Igotupandl ookedar oundther oom.Idon’t
knowi fwhatIwaslookingf orwasthere,butIhada
strongfeel
ingaboutit
.Iwalkedintot heclosetand
therewasaboxont hechair.It
ooki ttothebedroom
andopenedi t.I
twasasmal lur
n,decor at
edwi t
h
blueandgr eengems.Iturneditaroundandt here
waswr it
ing:Mommy 'sli
ttl
eangel.
Itearedupinstantly,butIwasn’tsadthi
sti
me.
Khenanwassot houghtful,
thiswasbeauti
ful andhe
wasgoi ngtohidei tfrom sothatIgettobeapar tof
thefuneral
.Hewal kedinwi t
hat r
ayoffood.He
placeditonthebed; Igotupandwal kedar
oundt o
him.Iputmyar msar oundhi swaist
,“t
hanky ou.For
everythi
ng,Il
ovey ou. ”Hekissedmyhead, “get
somet hi
ngt oeatthenwecango. ”Hisv oi
ce
soundedshakyandhewenti ntot hebat hr
oom
comi ngback2mi nut
eslat er.Kalisahadmadea
mussel brothandhomemadegar l
icbreadwithextra
gar l
i
cbut ter.I’
venevertastedany thi
ngl i
keit
;
Khenanhadal l
owedmet ohav e2gl assesofwi ne.I
don’tknowwhyhewasr est ri
ctingmecozIdon’ t
remembert hedoctorsayingany t
hingaboutmenot
drinking.Wesati nbeddr inkingt hewi neandhe
wentov ertomor r
ow’sprogr am, “SoI’l
l bookthe
fl
ightsf ortomor r
owev ening. ”
Me:
Idon’
twantt
ogoany
mor
e.
Hi
m: It
hinkitwi
l
lbeni
cef
orust
ogetawayf
ora
l
it
tl
ewhile.
Me:Idon’
twantt
orunawayfr
om t
his,
Iwantt
oface
i
t.SoIthi
nkweshoul
dstay
.
Hi
m:You’
rev
erybr
ave.
Hekissedmyheadandpour
edmemor
ewi
ne,
"just
onebeforey
ousleep.
"
Wegiggl
edandsattherewatchi
nganepi
sodeofmy
show;
hehadrecor
deritformewhil
eIwasin
hospi
tal
.
Wewokeupont hedayoft hef uner al,KhenanandI
hadt ogogetourbabycr emat ed.ThatwaswhenI
brokedown, seeinghi ssmal llif
elessbody .He
l
ookedatpeacet hough, resting.Theypushedt he
boxintot hefir
eandhewasgone, theygav eushi s
ashesandweheadedhome.I twasnow8am, we
hadbr eakfastquickl y;ever yonesatqui etlyandj ust
ate.Wewentupst airstogetr eady ,ev eryonewas
start
ingt oarri
veandby10am t hepr ogram st arted.
Thet hemewasanangel themeandev eryonewas
dressedi nwhite,itwasj ustourf ami l
yandcl ose
fr
iendsby11h30ev erythingwasf i
ni shedand
everyonewasj usteat i
ngandhav ingt ea.Itwasa
sweetandshor tcer emony ,ev ent houghIdi dn’t
speak; Khenansai dev er ythingt hatwasi nmyhear t.
Everyonel ef
tandi twasj ustmeandKhenan, Char l
i
e
droveKal i
sat otheai rportshewasgoi ngbackt o
Jamai ca.Khenanhel pedunst r
apmyheel sandI
changedi ntoapai rofshor t
sandal azyv est ,
“ Baby,
canwegot othegl asshouse? ”hel ookedatme
concer ned,“
Ar eyousur ebaby ?”
Me:
Yeah,
justf
oral
i
ttl
ewhi
l
ewewon’
tst
ayl
ong
Ont hewaymyphoner angandi twasKhensani ,I
wasn’ tinthemoodr ightnowev enthoughshe
meantwel l shesentat extsoonaf terapologizingfor
notbei ngabl et omakei tandhowshewassor r
yfor
myl oss.Ir epliedwithasi mpl e,thanky ou.Wedr ove
i
nt othehouseandpar kedbyt hedoor ,wewal kedin
andIheadedst r
aightforthenur sery.Khenan
foll
owedmebehi nd,itwassocl eanandt i
dy,I
walkedov ert othechangi ngst ati
onandal l
the
nappieswer estackedneat lyinapi l
eandal l t
he
babyl oti
onandpowderst oodexact l
ywher eIhad
placedt hem.Khenanj uststoodatt hedoor ;he
couldn’tev enent erther oom.It ookoneoft he
baby ’
sbl anket sandsatont her ockingchairand
start
edr ocki ng.Khenansatj ustlookingatmeand
wedi dn’tspeak, butwewer econnect ingandbot h
ourhear tsached.Hecoul dn’ttakeitany morehegot
up, “
weshoul dgetgoi ng.”
Me:
10mor
emi
nut
es.
Hi
m:I
’
llbei
nthecar
.
Hewalkedoutandl ef
tmei ntheroom.Istayedfor
about5minutesthenwentout si
de;hewasleani
ng
onthecarhavingacigaret
te.Heputitoutassoon
asIwalkedout.Wedr ov
ehome.
Thenextt woweekswer equietandi twasget t
ing
easier ,Iwokeuponedayandswi tchedonmyl aptop
andwasf loodedwi themai l
s,peoplesendi ngthei r
condol ences.Icr eatedoneemai l
andsenti ttoeach
oneoft hem t hanki ngthem.ThenIwentont owor k
emai ls,ev eryt
hingseemedt obegoi ngaspl anned
witht her estaurant s,Leratohadnewi deasont he
placesoIsetupanappoi ntmentwi thherf ornext
week, Iwasn’ tgoingt oDur bansoIhel dthemeet i
ng
here.Choppedwant edananswerbyt heendoft he
mont h, whi chwasj ustint woweekst ime.Andt henI
couldn’ tbelieve, t
hiswasn’ thappening, Ihadan
emai lfrom Gor donRamsay ,notfrom hismanager ,
orthenet wor k;from him per sonall
y.Isqueal edi n
excitementandIr ead:Hi Chef,Ihopeal liswel land
youandy ourf ami l
yar eheal t
hy.Wel lIactuall
y
meantt osendt hi
semai lsoonerbuthav ebeenso
busy ,youknowhowi tis.Iwasl ookingforwar dt o
tal
ki
ngt oyouatt
henetworkChr
ist masdi
nnerbut
mywi f
edraggedmetospendChr istmaswit
hher
famil
y.Idohopeyouenj
oyedChristmasinour
countr
y.
Letmej ustgetst rai
ghttothepoi nt,Ihav eheard
greatrev iewsabouty ourrestaurantsandI ’m
addictedt oyourshow.Ial soheart hatChopped
want stomakey outheirj
udge, nowt heywoul dn’t
j
ustt akey ouifyouwer enotgreatatwhaty oudo.
Now, Ialsoknowaboutal lyourbusi nessv enturesin
thekitchenandIj ustwanttoaddsomet hingelseon
yourplat e.Ihav et hi
sideaofexpandi ngKi tchen
Nightmar etoot hercountri
esandIhav ehadf ew
successf ul seasonsi nUSAandnowIwantt oinvade
yourcount ry.Sohowwoul dy ouf eel aboutRamsay ’
s
KitchenNi ghtmar e:ChefThandoAddi ti
on?
Il
ookforwar
dtohear
ingf
rom y
ou,
I’
m exci
ted
al
ready
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Writ
ingt
hispostmademetearupabi
tandhadt
o
l
ight
enitupkancane.
..
..
Pl
easel
i
keandshar
e
[
11/
23,
17:
08]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode52

Icouldn’
tbeliev ewhatIj ustr eadsoIr eadi tagain.
ChefRamsaywant sme, NothandoKhumal otowor k
withhim.Icoul dn’twr apmyheadar oundi t
;Ij
umped
offthebedwal kingbar efootoutthebedr oom,
“BABY? ?
? ”Iscr eamedf orKhenan, “Int helounge!”
heshout edback, Ialmostt r
ippedont her ugasIr an
toshowhi mt heemai l
,“l
ookatwhatIj ustreceiv
ed!”
Igavehimt hel apt opandhest art
edr eadi ngand
thenhesqui ntedhi seyesthenl ookedupatme, “you
spentChr i
stmasi nanot hercountrybyy ourself
?”
Me:
That
’snotwhatt
heemai
li
saboutKhenan.
Hi
m:Whydi
dyoudot
hat
?
Me:BecauseIhadbusi
nesstot
akecar
eofandyou
wer
ewi t
hKhensani
.Readthebl
oodyemai
lwil
lyou.
Hef i
nishedr eadingtheemai l andputt hel aptop
aside,“comeher e.
”Iwalkedov erandsatonhi slap,
“babyIam sor r
yy ouhadt ospendChr istmasal one,
i
naf or
eigncount r
y.Iwil
l neverletthathappenev er
againasl ongasI ’
m al
ive,ok? ”Inodded, thenhe
pickedmeupandt hr
ewmei nt heai r
,“thi
si sgr eat
newsbaby ,i
t’ssoexciti
ng.Il oveGor don, he’sthe
man. ”Heputmedown, “ButIdon’ twanty ou
swear i
ngonTVourpar ent swi l
lbewat ching.I
chuckledt hi
swassuckgr eatnews, “Ineedt ocall
mymanagerandgethert oseti tup.”
Hi
m:Weneedt
ocel
ebr
ate.I
’
mtaki
ngy
ouout
t
oni
ght
.
Me:Okbaby
,It
ookmylapt
opandski
ppedtomy
bedr
oom.Myphoner
angandi
twasMbali,
“Hibaby
.”
Her
:Howar
eyousweet
y?
Me:
I’
m gr
eatandhowar
eyou?
Her:Well
,I
’m gr
eat
.Ihaveafewthi
ngst
otal
ktoy
ou
about,
canwehav esuppert
oni
ght?
Me:Nocandohoney,Khenani
stakingmeoutt
o
di
nner
.Howabouttomorrow?Ihaveameeti
ngwit
h
mymanagerandt
henwi l
lbefr
eearound3pm.
Her
:That
’sper
fect
,I’
l
lmakear
eser
vat
ion.
Me:
Seey
out
omor
rowbaby
,Ihav
enewsf
ory
out
oo.
Her
:Can’
twai
ttoseey
ou,
lov
eyou!
Me:
Lov
eyout
oo.
Itri
edont hebluebandagedr essandi tdi
dn’ tfit
,my
bodyhadn’ tgonebackt oit
sol dself.Ineededt ogo
backt othegy m asap,Iworeapai rofboy fri
end
j
eansandr oll
edt hem upattheankl ewi thabl ue
shir
tt uckedi nunt i
dyandabl uepoi ntyheel .Ididmy
makeupnat uralwithanudel ipstickandt iedmyhai r
upinamessyhi ghbun.Charliedr ovemet ot he
restaurantt omeetKhenan; wesatatat abl eont he
rooftopandor deredchampagne.Khenanmadea
toastt omeandwehadal ovel ydinneranddr ove
homeaf terthat.Thenextmor ningIwokeupwi t
hbit
ofaheadacheandKhenanwasn’ tinbed, Ishower ed
andwentdownstair
s.Ihadal
ottodotoday
,I
openedthefr
idgetofi
ndoneofhisf
amousnotes
stuckonalar
geglass:Dri
nkt
his,
wil
lmakeyoufeel
better
,br
eakf
astisint
hewarmer.
Isnif
fedt hedr i
nkandcoul dgeteggandTabasco,
whatt hehell.Iplaceditont hecount erandt ookout
abot t
leofwat er.Idrankt hemi xt ureandal most
broughtup, butIkepti tdownanddr ankt hewhol e
bottl
eatonce.Iwasst art
ingt of eelbet ter;Ihad
breakfastandgotr eadytomeetmymanager .I
drovet oherof f
iceandwasgr eetedbyav erygay
whiteman, “ohmygosh, I
’vebeenl ooki ngf or wardto
today.Iam y ourbiggestfan, aftermyboy friendof
course.Youl ookmuchbet t
eri nr eallif
e.”
Me:
Thanky
ou.
Hi
m:canIgety
ouany
thi
ngt
odr
ink?
Me:
Justwat
erpl
ease.
Hel edmet otheboardroom andbroughtmywat er
,
afterashortwhileKri
swalkedintotheroom.Iwas
automatical
lydrawntoherstomach, shewas
pregnant.If
eltapaininmyhear t
,shewalkedover
andhuggedme;
Iqui
ckl
ysnappedoutofi
t.
Me:
Babynumberf
ive,
youmustbesohappy
.
Her:
Idon’tevenknowhowt hi
shappened.Ihear
d
whathappened,I
’m sosor
ry.
Me:Thankshun,
Idi
dn’
tgetachancet
omakey
our
br
ownies.
Her:Tell
youwhat;Idon’
twanttoseeanyt
hing
sweetuntil
thi
sbabyisborn.SoI’
l
lhavebr
owniesi
n
5mont hsti
me.

Wegi ggledandgotbackt obusiness, ever

y t
hing
seemedt obei nplace.Gordon’st eam hadsentov er
thecont ractandwhatwasr equiredofme.Ther e
wasn’ tmuchwor ktobedonet heshowwoul donly
startinov eray ear’stime.Wehadt oget
applicati
onst houghofpeopl ewhowant edusat
theirrestaur ant
.Firstseasonwast ohav e12
restaurant sandt henwewoul dtakei tfr
om t here.
Choppedal soreviewedandi ncreasedt heiroffer,
I
signedt hecont r
actandwewer eduet ostartin
Febr uary,Iwoul dhav etomov et herefor4mont hs
whil
eshoot i
ngt heshow…af terhoursofgoingov er
contractsi
twast i
met ogo.Ihad30mi nutesbefore
meetingupwi thMbali,soIdroveacrosst own,she
wasn’tther
ey etsoIwai t
edforher.Igotusdr aught
beersandIhadmyci garett
ewhi l
eIwaited,she
walkedinandIhuggedher ,“
youlookgor geous
honey .
”
Me:
Don’
tpl
aygamesher
e,If
eel
sof
at.
Her
:Idon’
tthi
nkso.Dr
inki
ngsoear
ly?
Me:
It’
s5o’
cl
ocksomewher
eri
ght
?
Her
:Haha,wel
lnonef
orme.Sohowhav
eyoubeen
hol
dingup?
Me:Itwashardinthebeginni
ngbutIt hinki
tbought
meandKhenancl oserandI’m copingmuchbetter
now.Obvi
ouslyIhavemymoment s,butIpr
ayeda
l
otaboutitandwe’rebet
ter.
Her
:That
’sgr
eathun.
Me:
Soy
ouhadsomenews.
Her
:Okk,
don’
tfr
eakout
,don’
tscr
eam.
Me:
Arey
ouf
ucki
ngki
ddi
ngme…AAAAHHHHH!
!!
Ar
eweget
ti
ngmar
ri
ed?
Shenodded, “
letmesee! !
”sheshowedmet herock
onherf i
nger;itwasbeaut i
ful
,si
mpleandelegant
j
ustlikeher.Igotupandhuggedher ,Iwasjumping
upanddown, andIcoul dn’
tholdmyexcit
ement.She
tol
dmeal labouttheirt
riptoBali
andhowhe
proposedtoheront hebeach.Icoul
djusti
magineit
,
i
twassor omant i
c.
Her
:Ther
eisonel
astt
hing.
Me:
Yeah,
goon.Youcan’
tst
opnow.
Her
:I’
m pr
egnant
.
Me:Oh..
.Imeant
hati
swonder
ful
.I’
m sohappyf
or
youbaby.
Her
:Ar
eyoumadatme?
Me: OhGodno,Ij
ustwast akenaback.You’
rethe
secondper
sonwhoi stell
i
ngmet herearepregnant
today,
sowasjustsurpr
ised.
Igotupandhuggedheragai n.Iwasgenuinel
yhappy
forher
,butsadnesscameov erme, maybeal i
tt
le
j
ealousytoo.ButIcoul
dn’
tletmyf eel
i
ngsr ui
nher
happi ness.Wehadl unchandt alkedsomemor e
unt i
lMducamet opi ckherup, Igav ehim ahugand
congr atul
at edhim, alongwi thal itt
lethreatofnot
hur ti
ngmysi ster!Wegi ggledandt heyheadedout .I
drov etothegl asshouseandsati nther ockingchair
,
Ididn’trealizehowl ongIhadbeensi tti
ngt hereunti
l
Khenanopenedt hedoor .Ilookedout sideandi twas
alreadydar k.Hedi dn’ tstepi n,“Babyweneedt oget
youhome.Youcan’ tspendt heni ghther e.Come
now. ”Igotupof ftheseatandwal ktohi m, hehad
hisar m openandhehuggedme.Idi dn’tcry,he
pickedmeupandt ookmet othecar .Thedr iv
ewas
quietandIdi dn’twantt ohav eitanyot herway .We
wal kedint hehouseandi ntothebedr oom, Ididn’
t
bot hertakingashower ,Iwenti nt othecl osetand
changedt hangoti nt obed.Khenanshower edandhe
goti nnextt ome, “
babywhathappened? ”
Me:Kr
isi
spregnant,
Mbali
ispr
egnantev
ery
one
ar
oundmeishavingababy.
Hi
m:Sshhhbaby,
ourtur
nwi
llcome.Wewill
takeour
t
imeunt
ilwearer
eadyandt
hentryagai
n.
Her
:I’
mreadynow.
Hi
m: I
t’
stoosoon.I
’
m goi
ngtocancel
myUSAt
ri
p;I
t
hinkyouneedmemorehere.
Me:
Don’tbesi
l
ly,Iwil
lgost
aywithmyparentsf
or
t
hefewweeksyou’r
enothere.Ij
usthadonebadday
,
t
hat
’sal
l
.
Hi
m:Ar
eyousur
e?
Inoddedandsai dgoodnight,
Idrif
tedofftosleep
anddr eamtofmecar ryi
ngalit
tlebabyboyandwas
rockinghiminthenursery.Heheldmyf i
ngerandput
i
tinmymout htryi
ngtobitewithhisgums.The
dream swift
lychangedandKhenanwassnat ching
thebabyf r
om me, “
he’smybaby !Givehi
m back. ”I
screamedi nmysleep.Khenangotupatonce, “baby,
i
t’sjustadream.”
Me:
Mybaby
!!
IwasnowintearsandIwokeup,
Idi
dn’
tknowwhere
Iwasandt
henIsawKhenanandhewashol di
nga
gl
assofwater
,“babyar
eyouok?”
Me:
Justabaddr
eam.
Hi
m:Al
ri
ght
,dr
inkher
eandt
rygetsomer
estok.
Idr
ankt
hewat
erandgotbackt
osl
eep.

Af ewday slaterKhenanl ef
tfort heSt ates.Idr ove
himt ot heai r
por tandheadedt ot her estaur ant .I
wor kedabi tandt henheadedt ot hegl asshouse; I
satint hechai randt henheadedhomeaf teranhour .
Fort henextweekt hatwasmyr out i
ne, 8am i nt he
mor ningIwasi nt her ocki ngchai randagai nat5pm
Iwasr ocki ngf oranot herhour .OnedayIdi dn’ tdr i
ve
tothegl asshouse, Idi dn’tknowwhatIwasdoi ng
andIf oundmy sel fatt hehospi tal wher eIdel i
v ered
mybabyi nthemat er nitywar d.Ist oodatt hegl ass
windowl ookingi natal l t
hebabi esi nt heir
i
ncubat or s.Theyal llookedsosweet ,sopr ecious
andsoi nnocent .Iwal kedi nandwal kedar ound
l
ooki ngatal l
oft hem, babyTy rone, BabySamuel ,
babyLut hando.Hest ar edupatmeandsmi led, I
reachedi nt opi ckhi m upandIhear dsomeone
shout i
ng, “Whatar ey oudoi ngwi thmybaby ?”I
turnedar oundandr ant omycar ,Idr ov est raight
home.Iopenedabot tleofwi neanddr ankf rom t he
bottle,If oundKhenan’ scigarettesandsatont he
porchsmoki nganddr inking.Itwasnowmi dnight
andIst umbl edupt obedandsl ept.Twoday slater
at22h00Igoti nmycaranddr ove,Iendedupatt he
beachj ustl ookingatt hewav escr ashingintot he
rocks.Ist ay edt hereforaboutanhouranddr ov eof f
,
Ifoundmy selfatt hehospi tal againl ooki
ngov er
babyLut handoandhewasf astasl eep.Ireachedi n
andpi ckedhi m up, hedi dn’twakeup; hejustmade
smal lsucki ngsoundswi thhi smout h.Nobody
noticedme; Iturnedar oundandwal kedoutt he
hospi t
al.Nobodyf oll
owedusaswedr ovetot he
glasshouse.Iwentupst airsandputhi mi nthecot ,I
stoodov erhi m wat chinghi m sl eep.Iwentand
preparedbot t
lesshoul dhewakeup.Isati nthe
rockingchai rsingingt ohim, het witchandst arted
cryi
ng, Ipickedhi m outoft hecotandhel dhimi nmy
arms.Igav ehi mt hebot tl
eandr ockedhi mtosl eep.
Hewasasl eepaf ter45mi nutes.Thi sf el
tsogood, I
fi
nal l
yhadmybabyandhewaswher ehebel onged.I
fellasl
eepi nther ockingchai randIwaswokenup
byacr yi
ngbaby ,whatt hef uckwast hat?Iquickly
gotupandr emember edwhatIhaddone.“ Hello
baby ,
”Iwal kedov ertohiscot .Ipi ckedhi m upand
hei nst antl
ykeptquiet,
Ir anwaterforhi m and
bat hedhi m, thengavehim hisbottl
e.Hedi dn’tsl
eep,
hej ustl ookedupatme, andhel ookedl i
kehewas
smi ling.ButIknewhewast ooyoungt osmi le.I
talkedt ohimt el
li
nghim aboutmybabyandhowhe
died, “I’
my ourmommynow; t
hisisy ournewhome. ”
Hef ellasleepsoonandIputhi mi nt hecotandwent
toshower .Igotoutandmyphoner ang,“Baby .”
Hi
m:Thandowher
ear
eyou?
Me:
I’
m athome,
what
’swr
ong?
Hi
m:Don’
tli
etome.
Thebabyst art
edcryi
ng,“
What ’
st hat?”Khenan
asked,“Ihavetogo.
”Icutthecall andwenttocheck
onbaby ,heimmediat
elykeptquietwhenIwal kedi
n,
“di
dy oumi ssme?”

*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
*

Whatt
hehel
l
,Idi
all
edDumi
sani
,“Hel
l
o.”
Me:
I’
m sor
ryt
owakey
oubutwehav
eapr
obl
em.
Dumi
:Whati
sit
?
Me:I’
m notintown,
opent henews…Itwas
ever
ywhere,babymissi
ng.Someonewal kedi
ntot
he
hospi
talandstol
eababyinhissleep…
Dumi
sani
:Andy
out
hink?NOshewoul
dn’
t!
Me: Ineedy out
ogoov ertoourhouseandcheckif
sheist her
e.Noscratcht hat
,shemustbeatt he
glasshouse.That
’swher esheis,I
’minthestatesI
don’tknowhowqui cklyIcanmakei tt
here.Don’tl
et
anythinghappentoher.
Dumi
sani
:Ok.
[
11/
23,
17:
09]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode53

*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
Therewasaknockatthedoor,aloudknock.I
placedt
hebabyinhi
scotandcl osedthedoor;I
mademywaydownt hestai
rs.Iopenedthedoorand
therewasapol
iceof
ficerst
andingthereIf
roze.
Hi
m:Goodmor
ningmi
ss.
Me:
Mor
ningof
fi
cer
,howdi
dyougeti
ntomyy
ard?
Hi
m: Ij
umpedthefencema’am.Ihav
ebeenbuzzi
ng
f
orthepast30minutes.S
Me:
I’
m sor
ry,
wasi
ntheshower
.HowcanIhel
p?
Hehandedmeapaper
,asear
chwar
rant
,“I
’
m goi
ng
t
oneedy out
oopent
hegatema’
am.
.
Me:Myhusbandisn’
thome,
may
bey
oucancome
backwhenheisback.
Him:Wecan’
twait
,openthegat
eory
ouwi
l
lfi
nd
your
sel
final
otoftr
ouble.
Iopenedthegateand3carsdroveint
otheyar
d,
“Ma’am i
sther
eany oneel
sei
nt hehousewi
thyou?
”
Ishookmyhead, “
nosir.
”
Hi
m:Ok,wewil
lneedt
osear
cht
hehouse,
Dony
ou
st
aywi
thher
.

Atthatmomentmyf atherwalkedin,Irant
ohim,
“daddy.”Hehuggedme, “i
t’
sgoi ngtobeokbaby.
Don’tsayanythi
ng.
”Hewat chedast hepoli
ce
searchedthehouse,andonshout edf r
om t
he
nurser
y,“
inhere.”Theycamedownt hestair
s
holdi
ngLuthando,hewascr y
ingsoloud,“y
ou’r
e
scari
nghim,givemebackmybaby !
!”thecop
noddedatDonwhot hentookouthi
shandcuf f
sand
readmemyr i
ghts,“
daddy?”
Dumi
:don’
twor
rybabyIwi
l
lber
ightbehi
ndy
ou

Me:
Cal
lJames,
Khenan’
sLawy
er.JamesSmi
t
Iwasputatt hebackofapol icecaranddr iv
ent othe
stati
on,weent eredt hest at
ionandIwasputi na
l
ar gecel
l withabout10ot herf emale,hal
foft hem
l
ookl i
kepr ostitutes.Isatdownont hebenchand
l
ookedar ound.Iwassoscar edIdidn’tknowwhatt o
do.Ijustsatdownqui et
lyandkeptt omy sel
f.Iheard
screamingf rom t her ecepti
on, “Iwanttospeakt o
mydaught ernow. ”Thatwasmyf ather,aman
repli
ed,“shehasn’ tbeenpr ocessedi ntothesy st
em
yet,si
rI’
m goi ngt oneedf ory outocalm down. ”
Dumi:YouneedMEt ocalm down?Ineedyoutodo
yourf
ucki
ngjobthat’
swhatIneed!Doy ouknow
whoIam, orwhatI
’m capabl
eof?
James:Dumi
sani,
I’
m goingt
oneedy
ounott
o
thr
eat
entheconst
able.
Dumi
:Oh,
thatwasn’
tat
hreat
.
Ididn’thearany t
hingaf terthat,until
af atman
walkedt ot hecel l
, “
Not handoKhumal o!”Istoodup
andwal kedov ertohi m, “I’
m gointoneedy out o
comewi thme, hands. ”Igav ehim myhandsandhe
walkedmet oar oom wher et heytookmypr intsand
myphot ographs.Andt henIwasl eadt oadi fferent
cell
,therewer emanymor eofust hist i
me.Justas
thecel l
doorwasaboutt ocloseanot herof fi
cer
walkedt owar dsus, “I
’
lltakeitfrom her e,herl awy er
i
sher e.”Het ookt hefilefrom him andwal kedmet o
anotherr oom, thist i
meIwasal one,ther ewasa
camer ai nther oom buti twasn’ twor king,ther ewas
ami rrorwindow, Icoul dseemy selfbutnott hrough
totheot herside, Iknewsomeonewaswat chingme.
Isatdowni nt hechai randputmyheadont het able
andst artedcry i
ng, thi
scan’ tbet heend.Ican’ tend
upi nprison.
ThedooropenedandJameswal
kedi
n,“
Whatwer
e
yout
hinki
ng?”
Me:Iwasthi
nki
ngt
hatIl
ostmybabyandIwant
eda
newone!
Him:
Youhav egottobef
ucki
ngki
ddi
ngmer
ight
nowthi
sisnotajoke.
Me:Youdon’tknowwhatt
hisf
eel
sli
ke,
hav
eyou
ev
erlostababy?
Him:No,butt
hatisnoexcusefory
outorunar
ound
l
ikeafucki
nglunat
ic.Nowhere’
swhat
’sgoi
ngto
happen.
Hesatdownandexplai
nedthewholeprocesst
ome;
Inoddedashespokesti
l
lveryt
ear
y.After30
minuteshegotup,
“nowI’
ll
seeyoulat
eron.”
Me:
CanIt
alkt
oKhenan?
Hi
m:No,
hei
sint
heai
rri
ghtnow,
youcan’
ttal
kto
hi
m.
Me:
Yout
oldhi
m?
Hi
m:Whaty
out
hink?
Hewal kedoutandshutt
hedoorbehindhim,an
off
icerwalkedinwi
thaKFCt akeaway,“
Here,eatup
andI’l
ltakeyoutoy
ourcell
.”
Me:
KFC?Ar
eyoubei
ngf
orr
eal
?
Him:Ohy our
ichf
olknevergetenough.Yes
seri
ousl
y,unl
essyouwantlastni
ght’
ssupper?
Iopenedt hebagandst art
edeat i
ng, and15mi nutes
l
at erthemancameback, “arey oudone? ”Inodded
andhet ookmet omycel l
,thistimeIwasal one.Il ay
ont hebedst ari
ngatt hecei li
ng; Ihadf uckedupbi g
ti
me.Howdi dIendupher e, l
iket hi
s?It ri
edt oget
somesl eepbutIcoul dn’t
,Itossedandt urnedunt i
l
sleepev entuallycame.Ihadt hedr eam agai n,they
wer etakingmybabyandIwascr yi
ng.Khenanwas
holdinghi m andpul li
nghi m outofmyar ms, Icried
sol oudandKhenandi sappear edwi thmybabyi nto
thinair.Myey esandhewasst andingov erme, why
washeal way st herewhenIwokeupf rom this
dream?Andhowdi dhegether esoqui ckly,“sshhh,
getup. ”Igotupof fthebedandf ollowedhi m, t
he
manwhohadbr oughtmef oodear li
erledust hrough
abackexi tandJameswasi nacarwai ti
ngf orus.
Wedr oveof fsil
ent l
yintothedar k,Icheckedt he
clocki nthecarandi twas03h32.Khenanhadhi s
arm ar oundmet hewhol ewayhome; hecar ri
edme
i
ntot hehouseandt ot hebedr oom.Her anmybat h
andhel pedmecl eanupt henputmei nt
obed.Then
walkedt owar dst hedoor ,“babyI ’
m sor r
y ,
”hedi dn’ t
l
ookbackatmeorev enacknowl edgewhatIsai d;he
walkedoutt her oom l eavingmef eel i
ngal otwor se
thanbef or e.Ifell asleepar ound5am.Hewasst i
ll
notinbed.Iwokeup2hour slater; Itookabat hand
headeddownst airs.Hehadsl eptont hecouch,
seemi nglydr unkbecauset herewer ebeercans
everywher eandwhi skey ,
t hel oungesmel tli
kea
shebeen, Icouldn’ tst andt heci gar ettesmoke.It ook
hiscarkey sanddr ov eov ert othegl asshouse.Igot
boxesf rom t heshedandwentt ot henur sery.I
packedt hebabycl ot hesi nsidet heboxes, andthe
l
otions, thedi aper s; ev ery
t hingwaspackedi nbox es
andIst ar t
edt aki ngt hem downst ai rsonebyonet o
thecar .Iwasn’ tgoi ngt ofitev erythi nginonel oad,
tookal lIcoul dfiti nanddr ov eof font hewayIdi aled
Spha, “heyy ou.”
Me:
Howar
eyou?
Hi
m:I’
m alr
ight
,Ihear
dwhathappenedandI
’
vebeen
t
ooscaredtocall
you.
Me:
Don’
twor
ry,
li
stenher
eIneedaf
avour
.
Hi
m:Any
thi
ngf
ory
ou.
Me:Ineedavansl
ashtr
uck,
tomov esomefurni
tur
e,
I
’v
etri
edever
ywhereandnot
hingi
savail
abl
ethis
morni
ng.
Hi
m:Ok,
consi
deri
tdone.Wher
edowemeety
ou?
Me:
Thank,
I’
ll
sendy
out
headdr
ess.
Idrov
eov ert
oMbal
i’
shouseandMduopenedup,
“Heybuddy,i
smyfr
iendar
ound?”
Him:Yeahbutsheissleepi
ng.Thebabyi
sti
ri
ngher
outandwehaven’tev
enhi tt
he4mont hmar
k.
Me:WellIhaveasurpr
iseforher
,hopef
ull
y
somet
hingthatwil
lcheerherupwhenshewakes.
Comehelpme.
Weoffl
oadedtheboxesandheputtheni
nthe
gar
age,“
I’
ll
bebackwithmorethi
ngsinanhour
.”He
l
ookedatme,“
Tee,areyousur
eaboutthi
s?”
Me:I’
l
lseeyouinanhour.AsIdrovebacktothe
gl
asshouseKhenantr
iedcal
li
ngme, Iignor
edhi
m
andconti
nuedaboutmybusiness.Sphaandhis
fri
endshel pedal otev erythingwaspackedi nt othe
carandweheadedt oMbal i’
sagai ntoof floadt he
restofev erything.Mbal i
wasst i
llasleep, sowel eftit
i
nt hegar ageandwel eft
.Thatf eltgood, now
nothingwasgoi ngt omakemecr azyandst ealing
otherpeopl e’
sbabi es.Ilookedatt hebl anketont he
passenger ’
sseat ,Icoul dn’ tgivet hataway .Thatwas
theblankedKhenanboughtwhenheknewwewer e
havingaboy ,itwast hebl anketIwasgoi ngt obr i
ng
oursonhomei n.Igoti ntot hegl asshouseandwent
i
ntot henur sery ,IfoundKhenani nt hemi ddl eoft he
empt yroom onhi skneescr ying.Ist eppedi nside
andwal kedt owar dshi m, helookedupatmeandhi s
eyeswer ebl oodshotr ed, “Whathav ey oudone? ”his
tonescar edme, “Baby ,Ijustt houghtwecou- ”He
gotupof fhiskneesandst oodov erme, “
YOUj ust
thought?Hewasn’ tjustYOURbaby ,thatwasmyson
too!!
”hegr abbedmebyt het hroatandpushedme
againstthenur ser ywal l,staredr ightintomyey es
ti
ghteninghi sgr ip, “Khen….Ican’ tbr --
”Het i
ght ened
hisgrip,Iwasst ar t
ingt ol oseconsci ousnessandhe
l
etgoofme.Icol l
apsedont ot hef l
oorhol di
ngmy
burningthroat ,“youki l
ledmysonandnowy out ook
theonlythingleftofhim!Howev ilcany oufucking
be?”Hest ormedoutoft her oom andaf ew
moment saf terIheardhiscarscreechi
ngdownt he
road.Igotupandwenti ntothekitchenanddr ank
water,myt hroatwasbur ni
ng,andIgoti ntothecar
anddr ov
et ohi shouse.Hewasn’tt her
et hankgod.I
wentupst air
sandgotmyl aptopandaf ewi tems
thenheadedt omyhouse.
Itoldt heguar dsnott ol etanyonei nev enifi twas
fami l
y, Ididn’twantt oseeorspeakt oany body .Igot
wat erandwentst rai
ghtt obed, myphoner angandi t
wasMbal i,Iignor edit.Shet r
iedagai nandIr eject ed
hercal l andswi tchedmyphoneof f
.Icouldn’ tsl eep;
thet earswer erol l
ingdownmyey eslikeawat erfall
.
Howcoul dhebesocr uel,hehasnev erlaidahand
onmebef ore?Whydi dhet hi
nkIki ll
edhi sbaby , I
didn’tdoi tonpur pose.Ilovedmysonandcoul dn’t
wai tforhi mt obeapar tofmyl i
fe.Icouldn’ ttake
thisany mor e,Iwal keddownst air
sandgotabot tl
e
ofwi neandIdr anki tstraightfrom thebot tle,an
hourl aterIwasf eeli
ngt ipsyandopenabot tleof
champagne; Idrankst raightfrom thebot tl
e.Iwent
upstairsandr anabat h.Istr
ippedoffal lmycl ot hes
andopenedt hemedi cinecabinet,
Ifoundacoupl e
ofbot tl
esofpi l
ls.Ist artedwiththebl uepi ll
st he
bottl
ewashal ff ul
l andIt ookthem all atonce
downi ngt hem wi t
ht hechampagne, thent henext
bottl
e.Thesewer ewhi t
eandt herewer emor et han
theot hers,“Iny ougo. ”Isaidtomy selfasIt ook
them all,Icarriedt hel astbottlei
ntot hebat ht ubwi th
me, thewat erwasst illrunni
ngandal mostatt he
bri
m.Igoti nsideandt hewat erspil
tont hesi desof
thebat h,Isatdown, “Ihopey ou’r
ehappynow, the
womanwhoki l
ledy ourbabyi snomor e.”Itookt he
l
astpi ll
sandr ushedt hem downwi tht hechampagne,
Istartedf eeli
ngdr owsyandt hewat erwasst i
ll
fl
owi ngthef l
oorwasnowf l
ooded.Iwassl i
ppi ng
i
ntoadeepsl eep, thechampagnebot tlefellfrom my
handandIsl i
ppedt ot hebot t
om oft hebat hsl owl y
dying.
[
11/
23,
17:
09]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode54

*
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***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
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***
***
***
**
Sphahadj ustfi
nishedhisluncht
imeswim andwent
tohislockertochangeandgetbackt owork,he
checkedhisphoneandf ound32missedcall
sfrom
MbaliandDumi sani,hecall
edMbalibackandshe
answeredont hef i
rstr
ing,“
SphauphiuThando?”
Spha:
shei
sn’
twi
thme,
I’
m atwor
k.
Mbal i
:Shecameheret
hismorni
ngwhileIwas
asleepandshegavemeallt
hebabystufff
rom her
nurseryandnowIcan’
tgetahol
dofherorKhenan
forthatmatt
er.
Spha:Welli
sitnotobvi
ous,t
heyneededsometi
me
awaytodealwiththei
rprobl
em anddi
dn’
twant
anyoneknowing.
Mbalist
art
edcryi
ng,“
Sphasomethi
ngiswrong,
Thandodoesn’
tgoanywher
ewithoutt
ell
i
ngme.
Pl
easejustl
ookforher
.”
Spha:
Ohk,
buti
fIwast
emyt
imey
ouoweme!
Mbal
i
:Okt
hanks.
Sphawalkedint
ohisoffi
ceandgrabbedhiscarkey
s,
whenhegotintothecarhepressedstar
t,“
Good
aft
ernoonMr.Si
faty
i.
”
Spha:NotnowSal
l
y,Gi
vemeNot
hando’
s
coordi
nat
es.
Sal
ly
:Sheisi
nherhousesi
r,i
nthemai
nbat
hroom t
o
beexact
.
Spha:
Andhowwer
eher
emov
ement
sbef
oret
hat
?
Sall
y:Shehasbeenint
heref
or47minutesand38
seconds.Shehasn’
tmovedi
nthepast19minut
es
and21seconds.
SphaspeduptoThando’
shouseandwasst
opped
bytheguar
dsatt
hegate.
Spha:Youdon’
ttakeordersfr
om her
,Ipayyour
sal
ary
.Nowopent hisgatebefor
eIgetoutofthecar
.
Thegateopened,“
GreatgoingMrS.”
Spha:
ShutupSal
l
y,t
hisi
snott
het
ime.
Hegotoutandint
othehouse,t
herewasloudmusic
bl
asti
ngfr
om Thando’
sbedroom,heranupthe
st
air
sandstrai
ghti
ntothebat
hroom.Thereshewas
atthebot tom ofherbat hl ooki ngl i
feless, hecar ried
heroutandpl acedheront hef loorofherbedr oom
whichwasnowal sof l
ooded.“ Thandowhathav ey ou
done? ”hecheckedf orapul seandnot hing.He
performedCPUandshest i
llwasn’ tbr eathing, she
hadbeeni nthatwat erf oral most30mi nutes,she
wasgoi ngt odi e…het r
iedagai nt histimet il
ti
ngher
headbackandt henf li
ppi ngheront ohersi de,she
coughedoutsomewat eri thadt racesofbl uei ni t
andt hat’swhenher ealizedwhathadhappened.
Thisgi r
l iscrazyhet houghtt ohi msel f,andst ar ted
pumpi ngherchestandr epeat ingt hepr ocess, she
coughedoutal itt
lebi tmor ewat erandt henhegota
pulse.Itwasv eryf ai
ntbuthewassat isf i
edwi thi t.
Hepi ckedherupandputheri nt hebackseatoft he
carandgoti ntot hedr iver’sseat .“Sallypl ease
calculatet hef astedr out et ot hehospi talandIneed
herv i
talspl ease. ”Sallydi dast oldandt heyspedt o
thehospi tal
,theypar kedbyt heERent ranceand
Sphacar riedheri nandshout ed, “Ov erdoseand
drownv ictim!!”at allmani nawhi tecoatr ant owar d
them andpoi ntedatagur neyandSphapl acedher
down, t
hedoct ort ookonel ookather ,“Khenan’ s
fi
ancé?”Sphanodded, thedoctorcontinuedtosay,
“Khenanwasbr oughtinhereaboutanhourago, t
hey
areoperati
ononhim nowi tdoesn’tlookgood.”They
wheeledThandoawayandt hedoct orshoutedback
atthem,“cont
acttheirfamil
y;wecan’ tseem t
o
reachanyone.
”
Sphasatdownstil
li
nhi swetcl othesanddiall
ed
Mbali
,hecal
ledDumi sani
aftert hat.Hewentoutside
andhadacigaret
te,whatthef uckisgoingonher e?
Heaskedhimselfoverandov eragai n,
Thando
al
wayscouldcomet omei fshehadapr obl
em,and
shehadMbali.Whatwassobadt hatshecouldn’
t
cometous?

NanaandDumi saniarr
ivedfi
rst,
andt henMduand
Mbali.Everyonesati nt
hewai ti
ngroom, nobody
spoke.Sphabr oket hesil
ence,“I
’m goingtoget
cl
eancl othesletmeknowi ft
hereisany thi
ngnew.
”
Hedrov eof fl
eavingthef ami
lyatthehospital
.
Sal
l
y:Goodaf
ter
-
Spha:
Isai
dnott
oday
Hebangedonthesteeri
ngwheel
,andgather
ed
hi
mselfaf
teraminuteandt
hendrovetohishouse.
Hechangedandgotint
obed.

Backatt hehospitalDumisani cal

l
edTar eck
i
nformi nghim abouthi sbrother’
saccident.Tar
eck
gotther ein30mi nutesandhi sbrotherwasst i
ll
in
surgery.Hecoul dn’tgetahol dofKali
sa,andhe
thoughtmay beitwasf orthebest,thi
swayshe
couldn’tpanic;especial
lybecauseshewasal onein
Jamai ca.
Theywai t
edf
orhoursunt
ilt
hedoct
orcamei
n,he
i
ntroducedhi
mself
.
Dumi st
oodupandshookhi shand,“Uhm, well
we
managedt opumpt hedr ugsoutofNot hando’s
stomach,wef oundt racesofbenzodiazepinesand
temazepam inhersy stem whatmadei tal
l wor
seis
thatshewasundert heinfluenceofalcoholandthen
shewasi nthatwat erf orfartoolong.Shei sst
il
lver
y
cri
ti
cal,
butIt hinkthewor stisover
.NowImustask,
wasshesuf fer i
ngfrom anxi ety,
coul
dn’tsleep?
Becauset hesepill
sareassociatedwithsuch.”Dumi
andhi swifelookedatMbal i
,sheshookherhead.
Tar eckspokeup, “
shewassuf feri
ngfrom anxiet
y
attacks,butIdidn’
tknowt her
eismedi cat
ionfor
that .
”Doctorwrotethatdown,“anythi
ngelse?”
Dumi:Shejustl
ostherbabyr
ecent
ly,
Idon’
tknowi
f
thatwi
llhel
p?
Doct
or:
Thanky
ou,
I’
ll
keepy
oui
nfor
med.

Het ur
nedaroundandwalkedaway,“
doctor
?”Tareck
cal
ledoutafterhi
m.Hestoppedandtur
nedaround,
“Whataboutmybr ot
her
?”
Doctor:Heisstil
li
nsur ger
y,hehurthisheadreal
badandt hereisalotofswelli
ng,Idon’thav
e
anymoreinformationforyouonthatone, hi
s
surgeonwillkeepyouguy supdat
edassoonashei s
outofsurgery.

Thef
amilyf
eltsodef
eated,
every
onesatdown.It
wasmidni
ghtandsti
l
lnothi
ng.Theyal
ll
eftand
Tar
eckst
ayedbehindt
oinf
ormt
hem shoul
dther
e
beanypr
ogress.
[
11/
23,
17:
10]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode55

*
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*Thando*
***
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**

Iopenedmyey esandi mmedi atel

yclosedthem, the
l
ightwastoobright.Iopenedt hem againandal lI
couldseewaswhi t
e.WasIr eallydead?Itr
iedt oget
upoffthebed,butmyar msandl egswerestrapped
down, “
Hel
lo!
!Isthereany onet here?
”thedoor
openedandamandr essedinwhi teandhewal ked
towardsme,“MissKhumal o,howar eyoufeeling?”
Me:
Wher
eam I
?
Hi
m:Hospi
tal
,howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
Me:
Whathappened?
Hi
m: Thedoct
orwillbeher
etoseey
ouj
ustnow.I
br
oughtyoubreakf
ast.
Heunt i
edmeoft hebedandhel pedmetothechai
r
acrosstheroom;heplacedabowl ofpor
ri
dgein
fr
ontofmeandgav emeapl asti
cspoon.Hesat
acrossmeandwat chedme, “howam Isupposedt
o
eatwithyoustar
ingatme? ”
Him:
Ineedtomakesuret
haty
ouf
ini
shsot
haty
ou
cant
akeyourmedi
cat
ion.
Me:
Wher
ear
emymom anddad?
Hi
m:Theywi
l
lcomedur
ingv
isi
ti
nghour
s.
Me:
Andwhenar
ethose?
Hi
m:bet
ween1and4pm.
Me:
Andwhatwi
l
lIbedoi
ngt
il
lthen?
Hi
m:Uhm…wel
l
...
Me:
Wel
l
?
Him:
I’
m newhere,
Ijustneedt
omakesur
eyoueat
andt
akeyourmedicat
ion.

Ist
oppedint
errogat
inghi
m,at
et hebr
eakfastt
hey
off
eredandthentookmymedicati
onaft
er.He
clearedoutmyt abl
eandl eftt her oom closi ngt he
doorbehi ndhim.Ilookedar oundt heroom, wer e
thesesof twalls?Itouchedt hewal lsofther oom
andt heywer eallcushioned.Whatt hehell wast hi
s,
wasIi namadhouse.Il ookedup; therewasa
camer aatt hecorneroft her oom at tachedt ot he
ceil
ing.Istart
edt opanicbutdi dn’tshowi tbecause
obv i
ouslysomebodywasl ooki ngatme.Isatont he
bedt ry
ingtokeepcal m andt hinkofpossi ble
reasonswhyIwasher e,bl anknot hingcamet ome.I
openedt hedr awersandt herewasadi ary
, apenci l
andabi ble.Igotupandwal kedar oundt her oom, I
neededt opeenow.Iwav edatt hecamer aandt he
mal enursewal kedinagai n, “Mi ssKhumal oy ou
call
ed? ”
Me:
Ineedt
ouset
hel
adi
es.
Hi
m:Comewi
thme.

Hewalkeddownthehall
wit
hot herroomsthat
l
ookedli
kemine,
whatthehell
wast hi
spl
ace?It
l
ookedli
keapri
son,buti
twaswhi te.Wereached
theendandt herewasal adyst andingatthedoor ,
“I’
l
ltakeitfrom here,”shesai dinahuskyv oice.The
mal enurset ur
nedar oundandwal kedoff,she
openedt hedoorandshewal kedinandIf ollowed.
Thebat hroom wasj ustaswhi teli
keev eryt
hingel se;
therewasat oi
letandasmal l si
nkont heonesi de
andabat htubandshoweront heot her.Shepoi nted
atthetoilet
,wasshegoi ngt ost andtherewhi l
eI
wasbusy ,“
goon, ”shesai d.Iguesst hatwasay es.
Her
:Showerorbat
h?
Me:
Excuseme?
Her
:Doy
ouwantt
otakeashowerorabat
h?
Me:
bat
hisf
ine.

Sheranmybat hwaterandwhenIf i
nishedwithmy
busi
ness,sheinst
ruct
edmet ost ri
pandgeti n.when
Iwasinthebathshet ookt
hecl ot
hest hatIwas
weari
ngandputt hem inabasket.Shegotacl ean
gownandt owelfr
om thecabinetandpl acediton
thesmallt
ablenexttothebathandshesatont he
benchonthefarend.
Me:
Whyam Iher
e?
Her
:Becauseyou’
resi
ckdear
.Butt
hedoct
orwi
l
l
makeyoubett
er.
Me:
What
’swr
ongwi
thme?
Her:Idon’
tknow,youaregoi
ngtoseethedoct
or
aft
eryourbath.Youcanaskhi
m al
lthethi
ngsyou
needtoknow.
Me:Whataboutmyhusband?WhendoIgett
osee
hi
m?
Her
:Husband?

Ikeptqui
etandcont i
nuedbat hing, Ididn’
tknow
whatwashappeni ngandIf el
tawav eofemot ions
comeov ermybody .Thet earsjustr ol
leddownmy
cheeksandi ntothebath, Icouldn’tstopthem, Icr
ied
si
lentl
yandf ini
shedther estofmybat h.Igotupand
dri
edmy selfandwor ethegownt hatwasl aidoutfor
me.Iwasescor t
edbackt omyr oom wher eIsatfor
alit
tl
ewhilelongeruntilIwascal l
edt omeett he
doctor
.Iwasal i
ttl
eexcitedbecauseIknewIwas
goi
ngtogetr ealanswer s,
andmay begetthehellout
ofher
e.Iwast akentot hedoctor’
soffi
ce;
okt hi
s
wastoomuchwhi teformyl i
kingIcoul
dn’
ttakeit
anymore.Theroom hadwhi t
ecouches,whit
ewal l
s
andwhiteeverythi
ng;theonlycolouri
ntheroom
wastheplants,greenli
velyplant
s.

Isatdownont hecouchandwaited,
awhi teman
walkedinandthankgodhewasi nay el
lowshir
tand
blackpant
s.Ismiledfai
ntl
yandhesatintheseat
opposit
etome, “MissKhumalo,
howar eyoufeeli
ng
today?”
Me:
I’
m doi
ngal
ri
ghtconsi
der
ingt
hesi
tuat
ion.
Hi
m:Si
tuat
ion?
Me:I’
mi namadhouse,Ihav
enorecol
lect
ionofmy
memor yandever
yonei
sacti
ngweir
d.ButI’
m okay
,
l
et’
sgetstart
ed.
Hi
m: Whati
st helastt
hingy
our
ememberThando?
I
sital
ri
ghtIcally
ouThando?
Me:
Cal
lmewhaty
ouwi
l
l.Ir
emembernot
hing,
Ijust
wokeuptiedupt
othebedandIdon’
tev
enknow
whyI’
m here.
Hi
m:Doy
ouhav
eaquest
ionf
orme?
Me:
Howl
onghav
eIbeenher
e?
Hi
m:Justov
eraweeknow.
Me:
Whyam Iher
e?
Him:Youtri
edt
ocommi
tsui
cide.Doy
our
emember
anyt
hing?

Il
ookedathi
m bl
ankl
ybecauseIcoul
dn’
tremember,
whyoneart
hwouldIwanttotakemyownl i
fe?Il
ove
myli
fe,I
’
m al
wayshappy.

Me:
No,
not
hing.Whydi
dIt
ryt
oki
l
lmy
sel
f.
Dr:Thandoitwon’thelpifItell
youeveryt
hingyou
aregoingtoneedt orememberony ourown.Iam
heretohelp,youareherebecausey ou’
reunstable
andwef earthatyoumi ghttrysomethi
nglikethat
again.Weareheret opreventthat
.
I
treal
lyhurtmehear
ingt
hosewor
ds,
Inoddedat
hi
m, “
ok.”
Dr:I
’m goi
ngt oshowy ouafewpict
uresandthiswi
ll
assi
stustoseehowf aryourmemoriesgoes,t
hat
waywewi llhaveanideaast owher
et ost
art
worki
ngf r
om.

Inoddedandhegav emet hef i

rstpicture,i
twast wo
l
itt
legir
lsinabl ueuni f
or m wearinghat s.Ismiled; I
fel
twar mthi nmyhear t, “
Mbal i
.HaIr emembert his
dayclearl
y .Fir
stdayof5t hgrade.”Het ookout
anotherpicture,“Mypar ents.
”Heshowedme
i
magesofmyf ami l
yandf ri
endsandIr emember ed
them al
l,“You’redoi nggr eatThando, butitmi ghtget
hardernow. ”Hehandedmeapi cture,therewaspai n
i
nmyhear twhenIl ookedatt hephot o,“Thisismy
husband.”At earf ellfr
om oneey e,“heisy ourfiancé,
youwer enotmar riedy et.
”Ilookedupathi m, “but
shecalledmeMr s.”Thedoct orlookedatme
confused,“whocal ledy ouMr s?”
Me:
Theot
hernur
se.
Dr
:Thenur
seher
e?
Me:
No,
att
heot
herhospi
tal
.
Dr
:Whatwer
eyoudoi
ngatt
hehospi
tal
?

Ithoughtforami nute,andthenmoretearscame,“I
don’tknow,shecalledmeMr s.DeCosta.Whywould
shedot hatifwewer en’tmarri
ed?Idon’tknowwhat
Iwasdoi nginthehospi t
al,
showmeanot her
pict
ure.”
Thedoct orhandedmeapi ctureofmyhousewhi chI
recognised,IrecognisedKhenan’ shouse, “You’re
doingv erywellThandobutoursessi oni salmost
over,Idon’twantt ooverwor ky ou,Ihav et womor e
i
magest oshowy ou.”Inoddedandhehandedmea
pictur
eofahouse, i
twasbeaut iful,glassev erywhere
andaf ordmust angparkedout side, “
that’sChar l
otte
mybaby ,she’sabeast .
”Ismi l
ed, andt henl ookedat
thehouse, therewassomet hingabouti tandI
couldn’tputmyf i
ngeronit.Iclosedmyey es,
“Khenanboughtmet hishouse, formybi rt
hdaywhen
wecamebackf rom Jamai ca.”Ikeptmyey esshut ,
andIf eltheav i
nessi nmyhear t
,itachedsobadI
want edt oscream.Iwal kedt hrought hehousei nmy
headandcont i
nuedt al kingwi thmyey esst il
lclosed,
“wehadapar ty,therewasar tev erywher e.Ev eryone
l
ookedsopr etty
.”Ismi ledabi t,itwasahappy
memor yint hehouse, “itwashi sbi rthday ,andhe
hadt het i
meofhi sli
f e.Itwasagr eatni ght.”Ikept
quietagai nandanot hermemor ycameback, againI
waswal kingthrought hehouset histimeIwasn’ t
happy .Iwaswal kingupt hest airsandst oodata
door, andt henblank.Thememor ywasgone, I
couldn’ tseeany thingany more, “Thandowhatdi d
yousee? ”Ididn’
tanswer ,Itri
edget t
ingmymemor y
backbutIwasf aili
ngdi smal l
y,“Thando? ”
Me:
It’
sgone!
!
Dr
:What
’sgone?
Me:Iwasther
eaboutt
oopent
hedoorandt
hen
not
hing.
Dr:
Iknowit’
sfr
ust
rat
ing,
buty
oumadepr
ogr
ess
her
etodayandnowyouneedtor
est
.
Me:
Noy
ousai
dyouhav
eonemor
epi
ctur
etoshow
me!
Dr
:Nott
oday
,we’
l
lst
artwi
thi
ttomor
row.
Me:
No!
!Iwantt
oseei
tnow!
!
Iwasnowonmyf eetandscreami
ng,“
NothandoI
needfory
outocalm down.”Iwasragi
ng,
“Youdon’t
tel
lmetocalm down,thi
sismymemor yyou’
re
fucki
ngwit
h.”
Dr
:ThandoIneedy
out
osi
tdown.
Hereachedf
orhisdeskandthentwonurseswalked
i
n,“
ThandoIwillneedy
outositdownnowok. ”This
manwasmaki ngmemad, “Orwhat?Whatareyou
goi
ngtododoctor?What!
!!
!”
Thenur seswalkedtowardsmeandhel dmest il
l;
theymademesi tbackonthecouch.Thedoct orgot
upf rom hi
sseatandwalkedtomewi t
hasy r
inge,
“I’
m sorry,
I’
m calm,I
’l
lst
op…please.”Tear
swer e
roll
ingdownmycheeksandheputi tint
omyar m,I
stoppedf i
ghti
ngandmybodyr el
axedandwasout .
Iwokeupaf ewhour
slaterandthemalenursewas
atmydoorcarry
ingatr
ay,“Yoursupperandyour
medicat
ion.
”
Me:
Ineedt
het
oil
et
Hi
m:Wheny
ou’
redoneher
e,i
twon’
ttakel
ong.
[
11/
23,
17:
11]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode56

Mybodywasf eel
ingnumb, Isatatt het able.I
l
ookedatmypl at
eandt hisl ookedhor rible.It hi
nki t
wassupposedt obeachi ckennoodl est i
rfr y
, butit
real
lywasn’t.Iwashungr ysoIat ei tal l
,itwasn’ tas
badasIt houghtbuti twasn’ tgoodei ther.Idr ankt he
waterandhegav ememypi ll
s,4oft hem.It ook
them atonceanddr ankt hewat er, “t
oiletpl ease. ”He
l
edmeagai ndownt hehal l
wayanddi fferentl ady
waswai t
ingf orme, shewasf r
owni nganddi dn’tt alk,
wentinsideandshef ol
lowedbehi nd.Isatdownon
theseatandshewasf oldi ngt owel sandgowns, I
spatthetabletsont oapi eceoft oiletpaperand
shoveditinmybr a,shet ur nedar ound, “
ar ey oudone
yet?
”Igotaf r
ight,butreal i
sedshedi dn’tsee
anythi
ng.Iwipedandwashedmyhand, Inodded
signal
li
ngthatIwasdone,andwewalkedouttot he
hall
way.Thenursewalkedmebacktomyr oom,“I
thoughtyousaidIwoul
dseemyparentst oday?
”
Hi
m:Youwer
easl
eepwhent
heycame.
Me:
Youdr
uggedme.
Hi
m:Iwasn’
tint
her
oom.

Ilethi
m be,heleftmei nmyroom.Ineededtospeak
tomypar entsasap,Ineedtogetthehel
loutofher
e.
Ineededtodev i
ceapl anhowtoescape,somethi
ng
j
ustisn’
trighther
e.YesIdon’trememberbutshould
Inotbearoundpeopl ewhowillhel
pmer emember?I
gotint
obedandsl ept
.

Nextmor ningsamepr ocess,thenur

secamei ngave
mebr eakfastandmedi cat
ion.Justl
i
ketheprevi
ous
nightIpl
acedi tundermyt ongueandatt he
bathroom int
ot hetoi
let.Ihadanappoint
mentwi t
h
thedoctor;Isatdownont hecouch.Todayhewas
wear
ingabl
ueshi
rt
,“howar
eyouf
eel
i
ngt
oday
?”
Me:
Iwantt
oseemypar
ent
s.
Hi
m:Af
tert
hissessi
on
Me:
Ther
ewi
l
lbenosessi
onunt
ilIseet
hem.
Him:HowaboutIcal
lthem her
eandt henwehave
oursessi
onwhi
lewewai tf
orthem t
ogethere?
Me:
Wher
ear
ewe?
Hi
m:Excuseme?
Me:
Whi
chhospi
tal
areweat
?
Hi
m:Whyi
sthatev
eni
mpor
tant
?
Me:
CanIseey
ourbusi
nesscar
d?
Hi
m:I
sthi
ssomeki
ndofaj
oke?
Me:
Yout
ell
me,
isi
t?

Hegotupoffhisdeskandwentt ofetchhi
scard,
t
hisguyisapsychol
ogistorwhateverandhefel
lfor
mytrap.Whatanidi
ot,hegav emehiscardandI
l
ookedatit
,DrASHal l
.Ilookedatt
headdress;t
his
was15mi nutesawayf rom myhouseand25mi nutes
awayf rom mypar ents.It
houghtqui ckly,“
callmy
parents,wecanst artbutIwantt oseet hem today.”
Henoddedandmadeaphonecal l
,thencameback
tositacrossme, “
socanwepi ckedupf rom where
wel ef
toffy est
erday?”Ineededt ost al
luntil
my
parentsgother e.Hehandedmet hepictureofthe
glasshouseagai n,“
lookatitagainandl et’
sseewhat
happens.”

Ipretendedt olookatt hepi cture, Ididn’twantt o

remember ;wel lnotnowany way .Iclosedmyey es
andl ayont hecouchf aci ngupcount ingsecondsi n
myhead.Iwason5mi nut esandt hedoct orspoke,
“anythingThando? ”Iopenedoneey eandl ookedat
him, “sshhhh…”Icl osedmyey esagai nandl ooked
up,anot her5mi nuteslat erIopenedmyey esandsat
up,“nope, not hi
ngt oday .May beweshoul dt rya
diff
erentpi cturedon’ty out hi
nk? ”Hel ookedt hrough
thepi ctur
esandhandedmeanot herone, Spha.I
staredatt hepi ctur
eandsmi led, IknewhowIwas
goingt ogetoutoft hispl aceIhadsuchagoodi dea
Iletoutali
ttl
egiggle,“
wantt oshar e?”Ireal
isedlate
thatIhadletoutloud,shit,
“thi
si sSpha, myex.He’ s
amar ine,
verysmar tanddanger ous.Itrusthim with
myl if
e;hewouldnev erletanythinghappent ome. ”
YesIwast hreat
eningt hedoctorandt ryingtogeta
reacti
onoutofhim, hisfacehar dened.Another5
mi nut
eshadgoneby ;mypar entsshouldbeher ei n
thenext10mi nutesIthoughtt omy self
.
Dr
:Ar
eyoust
il
li
nlov
ewi
thhi
m?
Me:
Nohei
sjustagoodf
ri
end.
Dr
:Whenwast
hel
astt
imey
ousawhi
m orspoket
o
hi
m?

Ihadtothinkaboutt hisonef orawhile;

Iclosedmy
eyestry
ingtor emember .Iwasgenui nethistime,I
rememberbei ngchasedbyt hedrugguy s;Icoul
dn’t
tel
lthedoctoraboutt hat.Icl
osedmyey esandhear
hisvoi
ceagai n‘Thandowhathav eyoudone’ the
wordskeptr epeati
ngi nmyhead.Idi dn’
tknowwhat
i
tmeant ,hewaspani cking.Iopenedmyey es,“i
t
wasawhi l
eago, Iwenttohi soff
ice.Wedi dn’
tspend
mucht
imeandIdon’
trememberany
thi
ngel
se.
”

10minuteswasupandther
ewasstil
lnosi
gnofmy
par
ents,
“let
’sl
ookatt
hispi
ctur
enow.”
Me:
No,
weseemypar
ent
snow.
Dr
:Theyar
eont
heway
.
Me:
Thenwewai
t.

Icr
ossedmyar msandlookedathim,“Thandoifwe
don’
tfi
nishthi
sther
apy,
youwi l
lnotgetbett
erand
wil
lhavetospendmoreti
mei nhere.
”
Me:
Ineedmypar
ent
stor
emember
.
Dr
:Wel
ltheyar
enotcomi
ng.

Hepr essedthebuttononhi sdeskagai

nandthe
nursescamei n.Isatsti
ll
,Ihadn’
trai
sedmyvoiceor
str
uggles,“holdherdown.”Thenursesl
ookedathim,
“whaty oustandi
ngf or
?”
Nur
se1:
Butshei
sn’
tresi
sti
ng,
she’
scal
m.
Dr
:Ar
eyouquest
ioni
ngme?
Thenur
sesdidn’tmove,“getherbackt
oherr
oom
andnosupperforhertonight
.”
Theyt ookmet omyr oom, Iwasn’thungry.Ipaced
theroom, whatwast hisdoct orpl
ay i
ngat ?YesI
didn’trememberev ery t
hing,butaf uckenment al
asylum?Nope, somet hi
ngwasdef i
nit
elyup.Iwas
starti
ngtof eelali
tt
lebi tbettersi
nceIhav en’tt
aken
myt ablets.Iwasfeelinglikemyol dsel fnow.The
dooropenedandt hemal enur secamei nwi t
hat r
ay
offood.

*
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***

DrASHall
satathi
sdeskwat
chingThandoonthis
comput
er,“
she’
suptosomet
hing.Lookather
.”
Tar
eck:
Noshei
sn’
tsmar
tenought
ofi
gur
eitout
.
Dr
:Andifshedoes?Whosecar
eeri
sont
hel
i
ne?Oh
wai
t;y
oudon’thaveaf
uckencar
eer
.
Tar
eck:
Doy
ouwantabul
l
eti
nyourhead?

Thedoct
orkeptquietandtheycont
inuedt
owat
ch,
Thandowastal
kingtoMike.
Thando:Ohthedoctort
hinksIshoul
deatnow?Tel
l
hi
m Idon’twanti
t.
Mi
ke:
Youneedt
oeatt
otakey
ourt
abl
ets.
Thando:
Ineedt
hebat
hroom
Mi
ke:
Aft
ery
ouhav
eeat
en.

Shesatdownandplayedwitht
hefoodonherplate,
shetook30minut
estofini
shandtakehertabl
ets.
Theywenttot
hetoil
etandtheycameback,Thando
cont
inuedt
opacetheroom andevent
uall
ygotinto
bed.

Tar
eck:Keepaney
eonhershedoesn’
tleav
ethi
s
pl
ace.
Dr
:Ican’
tkeepherher
efor
ever
Tareck:
Themi
l
li
onr
andi
nyoubankaccountsay
s
otherwi
se.

Tareckwal kedoutandl efttheroom.Hewal kedto

theotherendoft hehospitalwherehisbr
otherwas
beingkept.NanaandKal i
sawer ei
nKhenan’sroom
prayi
ng, hest oodatthedoorandl ookedatthem.
Theyhadn’ tleftt
her oom sincehewasoutof
surgery.Theyhadhi mi nICUandani nducedcoma.
Hewal kedoutandt hedoct orcameintotal
kt ot
he
l
adies.Hebr iefedthem uponwhatwasgoi ngon,
andleft.

Nanawal kedtothepsychiatr
icwardandaskedif
shecoul dseeherdaughter,
theladyatthe
recepti
onistt
ypedonherPCandt herewasabeep.
ShelookedupatNana, “
I’
m sorr
yma’ am butt
his
parti
cularpat
ientcan’
ttakeanyv i
si
tors.
”
Nana:Doyouknowhowlongt
hiswil
ll
ast
?It’
sbeen
overaweekandIam wor
ri
edaboutmydaughter
.
Lady
:I’
m sor
rybutIdon’
thav
ethati
nfor
mat
ionbuti
f
youleav
eyournameandnumberIcangetDoct
or
Hall
tocall
youback.
Nana:
Ilef
tmynumberl
astweek.

Herphoner
ang,“
tel
lhi
mt ocal
lmeassoonashe
get
sachance.
”Shethenansweredt
hephoneand
wal
kedaway.
Backinhisoffi
ceSphawaspackinghisbagsr eady
toheadhome.I twassuchahect
icdayandal lhe
wantedtodowasgethomeandsl eep.Hegoti nt
o
hiscar
,“goodev eni
ngMrSi
fat
yi.
”Hedi dn’
treply,
“Baddaysir?
”
Sphar esponded,“Nottoday,
I’
mt i
red.
”Hepushed
thestar tanddroveof
fheadinghome; hearr
ived
homeanddr ov
eintohisdri
vewayandi nt
othe
garage.Hepar kedthecarandSall
ystar t
edagain,“
I
knowy ousaidnotnowbuty oumightwanttol ookat
thi
s.”Sphal etoutasigh,“
whatisi
t.”
Sal
ly
:Maybeit
’snot
hingbutThando’
str
ackerj
ust
wentof
fthegr
id.
Spha:
Shei
sinhospi
tal
,shei
ssaf
e.Lastl
ocat
ion?
Sal
l
y:Thehospi
tal
,psy
chwar
d.

Sphasati nthecarandsighed, andst ar

tedt hecar
again.Itwaswayaf t
erv i
sit
inghour sandheknew
theywer enotgoi ngtolethimi n.Hear r
ivedatt he
hospitalandwentst rai
ghttot hereceptionistwho
toldhert hesamet hi
ngshet ol
dNana.Sphawasn’ t
hav i
ngi t
,hest ar
tedtomakeasceneandt he
receptioncalledthedoctor.Awhi temancame
throught hedoorstospeakt oSpha, hestretchedout
hishand, “no,no,nobuddy ,whereisshe?Takeme
toher .
”
Dr:Thati
sagainsthospi
tal
pol
i
cy,
youcancome
backduri
ngvisi
tinghour
s.

Sphat
ookouthi
sphoneanddi
all
ed,
thedoctor
st
oodther
epani
cki
ng,“
whoareyoucal
li
ng?”
Spha:
Woul
dn’
tyoul
i
ket
oknow.
Sphast ar
tedtal
ki
ngonthephone: heybuddy,
I’
m at
thehospital
andtheywon’tletmeseemysi st
erand
i
t’skindofurgent
…Iknow, butcomeonjust5
minutes…Dr( hel
ookedatthenamet agonthe
doctorscoat)ASHall
…alr
ight.
Hehandedt
hephonet
othedoct
or,
thedoct
ordi
dn’
t
t
akeit
.
Spha:
Don’
tbest
upi
dnow.
Thedoct
ort
ookt
hephone:
Hel
l
o….Yessi
r…al
ri
ght
…
sor
rysi
r.
Hehandedt hephonebackt oSpha, “Iowey oubig
ti
me. ”Hecutt hecallandlookedbackatt hedoct or
,
“aft
ery ou.”Thedoctorledthem int
ot hewar dandt o
Thando’ sroom;shewassi tti
ngont hebed.Herf ace
l
ightenedupwhenshesawmeandshest arted
cryi
ng, Sphalookedatt hedoctorandgr abbedhi m
byhiscoatsl ammi nghim againstthewal l
.“What
havey oudonet oher?”Her oaredinherf ace, “
I’
m
fucki
ngt alki
ngtoy oudoctor!”Thandost oodupand
touchedhi sarm,“getmeoutofher e.”Sphal etgoof
thedoct orandputhisar m aroundherandheaded
forthedoor,
“youcan’tl
eavewithher.”Sphat ur
ned
around,“
yeahyeah,i
t’
sagainsthospitalpoli
cyri
ght.I
thi
nkSpencerwillwanttohearwhatThandohast o
sayaboutherstayhere.
”Theywal kedoutoft he
wardandhet hankedtherecept
ionist
,theybumped
i
ntoTareckinthehall
way ,
“what’
shappeni nghere?
”
Spha:
I’
m aboutt
ofi
ndout
.

Tareckwalkedtowar
dst hepsy
chwardfuming.He
gottothedoctor’
sof
ficeandstoodi
nthedoorway,
“WHATTHEFUCKJUSTHAPPENED? ”
[
11/
23,
17:
11]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode57

*Iwasn'
tgonnapostmoretodaybutyouguyshave
GoodnessMsimangoforthat
!!Thi
sisfory
ougirl
!!
!*

*
***
***
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
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***
***
***
**

Sphawal
kedmeoutt
hehospi
tal
,“canwegoseemy
mom? ”Heopenedt hedoorf ormeandIgoti n,“i
n
themor ni
ng, fornowIneedy out orest.
”Wedr oveto
hissecr etlair
;Philawassi tt
ingont hecouchwi th
somewomanwat chingamov i
e.Wegr eetedand
Sphashowedmet ooneoft her ooms, hecamei na
fewmi nuteslaterwi that rayoff oodandasmal l
l
eat herduf felbag.Het ur
nedar oundt oleav e,“
eat
andf reshenup, I
’l
l checkupony oual it
tl
el aterok.”
Het urnedbackt owal koutt hedoor ,“Spha.”He
turnedandl ookedatme, hel ookedsot i
redand
wor ri
ed, “
Thanky ouandI ’m sosor r
y .
”
Hi
m:Any
thi
ngf
ory
ou.
Me:Pl
easet
akeal
ookatt
his;
Ithi
nkt
heywer
e
dr
uggi
ngme.

Itookoutthetissuefrom mybr aandhandedi tt

o
hi
m; helookedatt hetissuepaperconfusedand
openedit.Helookedbackupatme, “
Thandowhat
happenedinthere? ”
Me:Idon’
tknow,
theysai
dItr
iedt
ocommi tsui
ci
de
andtheywoul
dn’
tletmeseemyparent
s.Thedoct
or
sai
dhewoul dhel
pmeremember,
Irememberafew
thi
ngsbutsomewerehar
d.Ihadt
ogetoutoft
here.
Hi
m:Soy
oudi
sabl
edy
ourt
racker
?
Me:ItwastheonlywayIcoul
dgetany
one’
s
at
tenti
on,andIknewyouwouldcomesaveme.
Khenanmustbewor r
iedsi
ck.
Hi
m: I
nthemor
ning,Ihav
eal
ott
otel
lyou.Getsome
r
estandwewil
ltal
k.

Sphawalkedintothekitchenanddishedupfor
himsel
f,hetookasi xpackofbeersfrom t
hef r
idge
andwalkedintotheirworki
ngspace.Heat eand
workedawaydr i
nkinghisbeer.Phi
lawalkedin,
“whathappenednow? ”
Spha:Seemslikethedocwaskeepinghercapt
ive
forsomereason.Shewasi nther
eforday
snot
all
owedtoseeherf amil
y,andshemayhavebeen
drugged.
Phi
l
a:Whydoy
oual
way
sinsi
stonr
escui
ngt
hisgi
rl
?
Spha:
Herhusbandi
sinacoma,
whatmustIdo
whenshecal
l
soutf
orhel
p?
Phi
l
a:That
’snott
heonl
yreason,
isi
t?
Spha:Youknowt
her
eason;
nowl
etmegetbackt
o
work.
Phil
a:Whatnow,youfindoutwhyshewascapt ured
andthenwhat?Spidersl
ippedoutofourhandslast
ti
me, whatmakesyouthinkyou’
regoi
ngtocatcht he
badguyt hi
sti
me?
Spha:
Idon’
tknow,
Ijustowehert
hismuch.
Phil
a:Hayidog,youcan’tst
il
lbemaki
ngupforwhat
happenedallt
hosey ear
sago.Shehasmovedon,
andsoshouldy ou.
Spha:I
’l
lgett
hereevent
ually;nowletmewor kand
makeyoursel
fuseful
;gettheset oLungel
ototakea
l
ook.Ineedtheresul
tsfi
rstthinginthemorni
ng.
Phi
l
a:Youknowhei
sgoi
ngt
oki
l
lmer
ight
.
Spha:Becausey
oui
nter
rupt
inghi
m whi
l
ehepl
ays
thosedumbgames?Getgoi
ng.
Sphawal
kedint
omyr oom around3am andIhadn’
t
gott
enawinkofsl
eep,“
hey.”
Spha:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngup?
Me:
Ijustcan’
tsl
eep,
you?
Spha:
Ihadsomewor
ktodo.
Me:
Foundany
thi
ngusef
ul?
Spha:Well
maybe,butI
’m st
il
lworkingonit
.Isent
thosepi
l
lstot
helab,st
il
lawait
ingtheresul
ts.
Me:
Socanyout
ell
mewhathappened?Whydi
dIt
ry
t
okil
lmy
sel
f?

Sphasatdownont hebedandlookedatme,
“ThandoIdon’
tknowthereasonwhyyoudidi
t,andI
j
ustknowt hehow.”
Me:
Ok,
tel
lme.
Spha:Yout ookadr ugover
doseofsl
eepingpi
ll
sand
anxi
etytablets.Youweredrunk,
andthenyou
drownedy ourselfi
nthebatht
ub.
Me:
Ican’
tev
enswal
l
owat
abl
et,
howdi
dIov
erdose?
Spha:Ithoughtt
heexactsamething,
soIfigur
ed
whateveryouwererunni
ngfrom wasjustt
hatbad.
Me:
Whatdoy
out
hinkcoul
dhav
eledt
oitt
hough?
Spha:Uhm,okabout2mont
hsagoyougav
ebir
th
andyourbabydi
edhour
saft
eryougav
ebir
tht
ohim.

Icouldn’
thol
dinmyt ear
s,t
het
ear
srol
l
eddownmy
cheeks,“
whathappened?”
Spha: Thebi rthwasn’ teasy, youwer eexhaust edand
sowasy ourboy .Hedi dn’tmakei tbuty oudid.But
youwer ef i
neaftersomet ime, youandKhenan
seemedt obedoi ngwel l,t
hemor ningy outriedto
commi tsuicidey oucal l
edmet ohel py oucleanout
thenur sery.Yougav eallthebabyst ufft oMbal i
;
everythingwasf inewhenIl eftyou.Itwasonl ywhen
Mbali calledme, shesaidy ouwer en’tpi cki
ngupand
neit
herwasKhenan, Iusedy ourtrackerandf ound
youint hebat htub.Youhadbeent heref orov er20
mins.Ir ushedy out ot hehospi t
al,andt hatwast hen
wedi scov eredwhyKhenanwasn’ tpickinguphi s
phoneei t
her.
Me:
What
,whathappened.
..don’
ttel
lm-
Spha: Heisali
ve,hegotdrunkandhecr ashedhis
car.Theyputhimi nacomat ohelpreducethe
swelli
nginhisbrain.Myguessisyouguy sargued
aboutsomet hi
ng,hewentof fandyoustayedand
yeay ouknow.
Me:
Ithi
nkIneedt
obeal
oner
ightnow.
Spha:We’
ll
gotot
hehospi
tal
inacoupl
eofhour
s.
Tryget
ti
ngsomesl
eep.

Hewal kedoutandIcr i
edmy selft
osleep.How
couldInotrememberbei ngpregnant,andlosingmy
babyandnowmay beKhenan?Icr iedmy selfto
sl
eepandbef or
eIknewi tSphawasi nmyr oom
wakingmeup.Ibat hedandgotdr essed,Igott othe
ki
tchenPhi l
aandsomeot herguywasi ntheki t
chen.
Igreetedthem,theot herguystart
ed,“sothisisthe
gir
lfr
iend?”Phil
anodded, ar
etheseguy sserious;
suchbul l
shi
tsoear l
yi nthemor ni
ng.
Guy
:I’
m Lungel
obyt
heway
.
Me:
Hi,
I’
m ThandoandI
’
m nott
hegi
rl
fr
iend.
Theybothl
aughedandSphawal kedi
ngi
vi
ngthem
theeye,
Imadecoffee,
“Lungel
o,Ibel
i
eveyou’
reher
e
togiv
emesomet hi
ngandnotteasemyguest.
Lungel
o:Woah,
touchyt
ouchy
?Ha.
..
Spha:
Iwil
lbeattheshi
toutofy
oui
fyoucont
inue
wit
hyourbul
lshi
t.
Lungel
o:Sorr
y ,
sohereistherepor
t.WhatIf
ound
outitt
herewast r
acesofPropofol
inthemedicat
ion
theyweregi
vingher.
Me:
Andt
hati
t?
Lungelo:Sl
owy ourhorses,I
’m gett
ingthere.
Propofolcomesinliqui
df or
m, iti
sli
kean
anaestheti
c.Soit’
susedtodecr easethelackof
consci
ousnessandmemor ylossforcert
ainevents.
NowIdon’ tknowwhyt hedoct orgaveyout hi
s
becausehewasn’ tperf
orminganysur gery,he
wantedy oudruggedthat’
smyguess, hi
sintenti
ons?
(Heshrugged.)
Me:
Ify
ousaymemor
yloss,
whatdoest
hatmean?
Lungel
o:Wel
lyouwouldn’
trememberevent
sthat
happenwhi
leyou’
reundert
heinf
luence.
Me:Sot
hemedi
cati
ondoesn’
taf
fectanyofmy
pr
evi
ousmemor
ies?
Lungel
o:Bythel
ooksoft hi
ngsitdoesn’
t.Thedoct
or
neededyoui
nast ateofnumbness;I’
m assuminghe
di
dn’twanty
outol eav
etheplace.
Itur
nedt
olookatSpha,
“Whywoul
dhewantt
odo
that
?”
Lungelo:
Thesedoctorsbecraycray,maybehewas
tr
yingsomeexperimentalmedi
cationony ou,
becausethatmixt
ureisnowhere.I
’veneverseen
anythi
ngli
keitandI’
veseenalotofshit!
Phil
aturnedt
olookatSpha,
“youthi
nkthi
scouldbe
Spider
?”Sphashookhi
shead,“NotSpi
der’
ssty
le,
he’
sat hugandhewouldwantabull
eti
nherheadas
soonashegothishandsonthem andsenditt
o
Khenan.”
Lungel
o:Myguess,andthi
sisonlyaguess;
someonewantsyouunconsciousinaveget
abl
e
stat
e.Theywantt
opunishyouorcausepainto
someonewhol
ovesy
ou.
Phi
l
a:Thati
stoof
arf
etched,
evenf
ory
ouLungel
o.
Spha:Ok,wehav
etogo.I’v
easkedKei t
htopullhis
phonecall
sandI
’m get
ti
ngv i
deofootagefrom t
he
hospi
talt
oseewhoenteredthatward.Thandolets
go.

Het ookthemedicalr
eportandweheadedout.We
drovet ot
hehospit
alandont hewaySpha’
sphone
rang,itwasonBluet
ooth,
“ Spencer
”themanonthe
othersidewasfuri
ous.
Spencer
:Whatt
hef
uckdi
dyoudo?
Spha:
I’
m ont
hewayt
-
Spencer:
Idon’ tcar
ewher eyouare,whaty ouareor
howimpor tantyouthi
nky ouare,YOUDONOT
WALKI NTOMYFUCKI NGHOSPI TALANDTAKE
ONEOFMYPATI ENTS!!
!Ohy ou’
reluckyyou’r
emy
fr
iendorelsey ouwouldbeonmyoper at
ingbedas
wespeak.
Spha:
Spencerj
ustwai
tIhav
esomet
hingt
otal
kto
youabout,maybeDrArsehol
e(Ihel
dinmygiggl
e,
ASHall.Sphawasn’
tseri
ous)shoul
dbetheone
you’
resharpeni
ngyourscal
pel
sfor.

Sphacutthecallanddroveon; Idi
dnotwanttobein
theroom whentheyhavet hatconver
sat
ion.Spha
tookmet oKhenan’sr
oom, mymom andKal i
sawere
sit
ti
ngont hecouchhavingachat ,
shegotupand
star
tedcryi
ng,“Mybabyy ou’r
eok.”
Me:
I’
m al
ri
ghtmommy
,Kal
i
sahowar
eyou?
Kali
sa:
I’m goodbaby
;wehav
ebeensowor
ri
ed
aboutyou.
Me:
I’
mfi
ne;
canIhav
esomet
imewi
thhi
m?

Theyleftt
heroom andIsatdownnextt ohim, “
what
happenedbaby?”Iletoutasi
ghandt hetears
star
tedstr
eamingdownmyf ace,thi
swasal l
too
muchf orme.Isatinsil
encejustmeandt hebeepi
ng
ofthemachines,andthenthedoctorcamein.
Dr
:Mi
ssKhumal
o,howar
eyou?
Me:
Coul
dbebet
ter
.
Dr:
You’
remuchbet
tert
hant
hedayt
heybr
oughty
ou
i
ntoher
e.
Me:
Howi
shedoi
ngdoct
or?
Dr:Whenhecamei nherehewasanabsol utemess,
hehadbeendr inki
ngsohewasbl eedingwaytoo
much.Wesuccessf ull
ymanagedtoslowdownt he
pressureandthesurgerywasasuccess,howeverhe
di
dhi thisheadwhenthecartumbled.Thi
scaused
swel l
i
nginthebrai
n,sohisbrai
nwaspushi ngdown
ont hebrai
nstem anddamagingtheRAS.
Me:
RAS?
Dr:thereti
cularact
ivati
ngsystem, i
tisthepartof
thebrainclosetothespinalcord,i
t’
sr esponsi
blef
or
arousalandawar eness.Al
loursensesar ewir
es
dir
ectlytothisbundleofneurons.Soift hi
sgets
damaged, thenhewoul dbeinser i
oust roubl
e.Sofor
ustor educetheswel l
i
ngoft hebrai
nweputhi mina
coma.
Me:
Soy
oudi
dthi
s?
Dr:Yesma’ am,inthi
sst at
ethebrai
nisabletorest
andtheswel l
ingismor eli
kel
ytodecrease.When
theswelli
ngisreli
evedthepressureonthebrai
ni s
alsoreduces,pr
eventingsomeorhopef ul
lyal
lbrai
n
damagef rom occurr
ing.

Il
etoutasigh,“
andhowi
sitlookingnow?”the
doct
orlookedatmeandIcouldtell
itwasn’
tgood
news.
Dr:Theswell
i
ngi sdecr easingataslowrat
e,buthe
i
sget t
ingbet
ter.Ican’
tgi veat i
meframeastohow
soonwecant akehi m outoft hecoma.
Me:
Thanky
oudoct
or.
Dr:Hisbel
ongi
ngsar
einthedraweri
fyouneedt
hem,
thatwasever
ythi
ngt
heygotoutfr
om thecar
.

HeleftmeandIopenedt
hedr
awerandt
ookouta
seethroughbag….

Iopenedt
hebagandpour
edt
hecont
entoutont
o
thecouch, hi
swal l
et;every
thingwasi ntherenothi
ng
outoftheor di
naryhehadascanoft hebabyat27
weeks.Hekepti tallthi
st i
me, Ismi l
ed.Hiscarkeys,
withmypi ctur
eandmysmi lewi dened.Itookouthis
phone, i
twasof fIswitcheditonIl ookedatt he
messages.Not hing,j
ustwor kandcheckedhi scall
l
ogl astcallwastome, t
hecal ll
astedf or3minutes
and34seconds.Idi dn’treceiveaphonecal l
,how
couldIwhenIwasbusydr owni ng?Ineededt ohear
whathewassay i
ng;Ineededt ogett omyphone
quick!
!
[
11/
23,
17:
12]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode58

*
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

Sphawal kedintoSpencer’
sof fi
ce,Spencerwas
standi
ngl ooki
ngoutthewi ndow.Het ur
nedaround
andhisfacewasr ed,helookedl i
kehewasgoi nggo
al
l hul
kinami nuteortwo,“youbet terst
artt
alking.”
Sphadidn’tsayanythi
ng,hej usthandedhimt hef i
l
e.
Spencergothisglasses,satdownandr eadthrough
t
hereport
;helookedupatSpha,
“car
etoexpl
ain
whatt
hisis?
”
Spha:Ithi
nkyoushoul
dbeaski
ngt
hatquest
iont
o
yourdoctor
.

Spencerpickedupt hephoneandcal l
edforDrHall
i
mmedi atelyandrequestedhebr ingsNothando’sfi
l
e.
Sphadidn’tsayanythi
ng;hesatl eanedont he
windowsillwithhi
sar mscrossedst ari
ngatthedoor
j
ustwaiti
ng.Thedoct orwalkedi nandhewas
l
ookingscar edal
ready,“
what ’
sgoi ngon?Iwaswi th
acli
ent.
”Spencershuthi m up,“shutupandhandme
thefi
le.
”Hehandedhi mthefil
eandher eadthrough
i
t,l
ookedupatDrHal landthenatt hemedicalreport
Sphahadbr oughtin.
Spencer
:Ist
her
esomet
hingy
ouwantt
otel
lme?
Dr
:No,
Idon’
tknowwhaty
ouar
etal
ki
ngabout
.
Spencer
:Idon’thav
etimef
oryourgamesAndrew,
I
am notpl
aying.Thi
sismyhospi
tal
andyouareher
e
fucki
ngaround!!
Het ossedthefi
leovert
ohim;Andrewopenedthe
fi
leandl ookedt
hroughthi
s,“
whatam Il
ookingat
here?”
Spha:
Themedi
cat
iony
ouwer
egi
vi
ngt
oMi
ss
Khumalo.
Andr
ew: Thi
sisn’
tri
ght,t
hemedi cat
ionanddosages
arei
nherfil
e.Look,
it’
sallr
ightt
here.Wheredi
dy ou
gett
his?
Spha:
Arey
ousay
ingI
’
mly
ing?
Andrew:
Spencer
,ar
eyougoingt
obel
i
evet
hisguy
overme?Whoisheanyway
s?
Spencer
:Bothofy
oushutup,
Andr
ewwhatwer
eyou
gi
vingMissKhumalo?

Andrewstartedt
oanswerbutSpencerspokef
ir
st,
“Andrewifyouli
etome, Iwil
lper
sonal
l
ymakesure
youdon’tseeanotherday.
”
Andr
ew:
Arey
out
hreat
eni
ngme?
Spencer
:ANSWERMYQUESTI
ONGODDAMMI
T!!
Andr
ew:
Ever
ythi
ngi
sinmyf
il
e,Ihav
enot
hingt
o
hi
de.

Spencergotupfr
om hisseatandlookedatSpha,
“makesurehedoesn’tgoanywhere.”Sphanodded,
Andrewstoodup,“Ihavepat
iencethatneedme.”
Spencer
:Wher
eisshe?
Spha:
InMrDeCost
a’sr
oom.

Spencerwal
kedof
fheadi
ngoutt
ofi
ndNot
hando.

*
***
***
***
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Igotupfrom thecouchandl ookedatKhenanl ayi

ng
therehel
pless,Ineededtogetaphone.Iopened
theredoorandt her
estoodadoct or,
inawhi t
ecoat,
“MissKhumal o,Ineedyoutocomewi t
hme. ”Ohno
theyweretakingmebackt ot hathel
lhole,
“I’
m not
goi
ngbackt
her
e!No.
”
Helookedatme, “I
’m nott
akingyouthere,Iam a
fr
iendofSpha’sandwear einvest
igat
ingthedoctor
sowej ustneedyourbloodsamplestorunacoupl e
oftest
s.”
Me:
HowdoIknowy
ouar
en’
tly
ingt
ome?
Hereachedinhispocketandgotouthi sphone; he
di
all
edanumberandgav et
hephonet ome.I twas
Spha,heconfi
rmedt hedoctorwaslegitandIshoul d
doashesay s.Icutthecall
andhandedt hephone
backtoSpencer,“butIcan’
tleav
ehim alone,can’t
wetakethebloodsampl esinhere?Idon’twantt o
l
eavehim al
one”
Spencer
:Ok,
I’
ll
makeapl
an.
Me:
CanIusey
ourphonet
omakeacal
l
?

Hegavemebackhi
sphoneandl
eftIdi
all
edMbal
i
,
“
heybabe.
”
Mbali
:Ohmygosh,
Iwassowor
ri
edabouty
ou.What
happened?
Me:Can’tt
alknow,
wil
lexpl
ainwhenIseey
ou.I
needafavour.
Mbal
i
:any
thi
ngf
ory
ou.
Me:
Canyougotomyhouseandgetmyphonef
or
meandbr
ingi
ttot
hehospi
tal
please?
Mbal
i
:Sur
ethi
ng,
I’
ll
seey
oui
nanhour
.
Me:
Thanksbabe.

Thedoct orcamebackwi t
hanur se.Isatont he
couchandt heyt ookmybl oodsampl es.I ttook
about10mi nut esandt heylef
t.Hedi dn’ tev en
explain,butIwasn’ tevenwor riedatthi spoi nt.Ij
ust
want edmyphoneandhearwhatKhenanwassay ing
tome.Ir eal
isedIhadn’ teatenall day,Iwal kedoutof
thehospi talroom andst oodatt hedoor ,Kalisaand
mymom wer en’tanywheretobeseen.Idi dn’ttrust
l
eav i
nghi m wi thjustanyone,ifsomeonewast ry
ing
todrugmeandkeepmei namadhousewhatwoul d
stopt hem from t r
yingtokeepKhenani nacoma
forever?ThatwasnotachanceIwaswi ll
ingt otake,
Iwentbacki nside.I’dr
atherwai tforMbal itoget
t
her
e,I
’
donl
yeatt
hen.

MbalicameinasIwasf
all
i
ngasl
eep,
“heyhoney
,ar
e
yougood?”
Me:
I’
m al
ri
ghtbabe,
how’
sthebaby
?
Mbal
i
:GoshI
’
m exhaust
edandI
’
m eat
ingl
i
keapi
g
Ichuckl
ed,“
joy
sofbei
ngpregnant
.You’
llsoonget
usedtoit
.How’sMdutaki
ngit
,Ibethe’
sexcit
ed?”
Mbal
i
:wor
dscan’
tevenexpl
ain,
het
alkst
omy
t
ummymorethanhedoestome.
Me:
Ha-
ha,
that
’st
ooador
abl
e.
Mbali
:Li
sten,
her
e’sy
ourphoneIr
eal
l
yneedt
oget
goi
ng.
Me: Thanksbabe,pl
easedomeanotherf
avouron
yourwayout.Pleaseordermef
oodandtell
them t
o
chargeittot
heroom?
Mbal
i
:sur
ethi
ngbabe.
Wehuggedgoodby eandshel ef
t.Myf oodcameand
i
twasn’ ttoobad; mash, grav yandsausages.Iat eup
andt hencheckedonmyphone, itwaschar ged
enoughf ormet oswi tchi tonandaf loodof
messagescamei n.Il ookedf orKhenan’smessage
andl i
stenedt othev oicemai l:BabyI ’
m sor r
yIshould
hav eneverlaidahandony ou.Iwasj ustsoangr y
thatyout ookt helastpi eceofmybabyawayf rom
you.Ilovey ouwi thall myhear t,
butthatr oom was
mymour ningspace.Icoul dn’ tcryinfrontofy ou
becauseIhadt obest rongf ory ouandwhenIcame
toanempt yspacei twasast houghapar tofme
wasr ippedoutandt omakei twor sethelov eofmy
l
ifewast heonewhodi di ttome.Babypl ease
forgiveme, Ilov-.
...(Carscr eeching,screami ngand
bumpi ngar oundandt hensi lence.)

Myhear tbrokeinst
antl
y;Iwasn’tmadthathelaida
handonmebutatt hefactt hathedr
ankhimselfint
o
astateandendedupher e.Iwasangryatmyselffor
tr
yingtotakemyownl i
fe,Iwasmadt hatwecoul d
havegottenthroughthi
s.Wecoul dhavetal
ked
abouti tbutwebot hdecidedt odot hingsourown
wayandl ookwher ethatendedus.Igotonmyf eet
andheadedf orhi sbed, “
Youl i
stent omeMrandy ou
l
istencl ear ,youar enotgoi ngtodi eont hisbed.Not
todayandnotev er,notonmywat chbuddy .Ineed
yout ogett hef uckupsowecanf i
xt his.Il oveyou
andIknowy oul ov eme.Khenancany ouhearme?( I
punchedhi m)Cany oufuckinghearme?( Ipunched
him agai n)ITDOESN’ TENDLI KETHI S!!( The
machi nesst artedbeepi ngandt henur sescame
fl
oodi ngi nandpul l
edmeoutoft her oom)I T
DOESN’ TENDLI KETHI S,YOUDON’ TLEAVEME!
THISI SNOTTHEEND! !
”Iscreamedast henur ses
draggedmeoutoft heroom, Iwasl i
keamad
woman.Iwasf uckingf uri
ous.Hecan’ tl eav eme,not
now!Thenur sesatmedownandgav emewat er,
I
calmeddownandIsayhi sdoctorr unni ngt owards
theroom.Ist ay edwi ththenurseunt i
lhi sdoct or
camet oseeme.Hesatdownnextt ome, “Miss
Khumal o, areyoucal m now? ”helookedatme
wor r
ied, hehadasmi leonhi sfacebuthewasst i
ll
wor r
iedaboutme.Inodded, “whathappenedi n
there?”Il etoutasi gh.“Icheckedhi sphoneandsaw
Iwashi sl
astdi
all
ed,whenIcheckedmyphoneI
real
isedwhyhedrankhimselfi
ntoastat
eandwhyI
tri
edtokil
lmysel
f.”
Dr
:Andt
henwhat
?
Me:Andt
henIgav
ehi
m api
eceofmymi
nd!Ibeat
hi
m!
Ilookeddown; Iwasal ittl
eembar rassed,“What ever
yousai danddi dtohi m spar kedsomet hing.Idon’ t
wantt ogety outoexci tedasy etbutwear epi cking
upabi tofbr ai
nact i
vit
y .
”Thedoct orlookedatme, “
I
am notsay i
nghei swaki ngup, butheisdoi ng
somet hinghewasn’ tdoi ngy esterday.Hisbr ai
ni s
stil
lswol l
en,butheisr espondi ngt oyou.”Hegotup
andwal kedaway ,
Ididn’ tknowhowt ofeel.Iwas
angryathi m, i
twashi sf aultIendedupi nthatwar d,
i
twashi sfaulthedrankt oomuchandr oll
edhi scar
downt hef uckinghil
l.Iwasr eli
evedatt hesame
ti
me; Icouldn’timaginemyl i
fewi t
houthim.Il oved
himt oomucht olethim go.

Ispentt
henextcoupl
eofday
sinhi
sroom,
mymom
br
oughtmechangi
ngclothesandt
hecouchbecame
mybed.Thehospi
tal
offeredmeanot
herr
oom butI
wasn’
thavi
ngit
.

Twoweekspassedandnot hing,hewasst i
lli
nthe
samest ate,Ital
kedt ohim everynightrepeatingt
he
samet hingov erandov eragain,“Il
ovey ou,and
pleasedon’tleaveme.Babyi tdoesn’ tendlikethi
s,
wear enotdoney et.Youpromi sedthatIwoul dn’
t
spendanot herChr i
stmasalone; youpromi sedme.”

Iwokeuponemor ni
ngandhisphonewasringi
ng,I
l
ookedathi
scall
erIDanditwaswrit
tenCasperand
Ianswer
ed,
“Khenan’
sphonehell
o.”
Casper
:Goodmor
ningma’
am canIspeakt
oKhenan
pl
ease?
Me:
I’
m sor
rybuthei
sunabl
etocomet
othephone.
Casper:
Cany
ouaskhi
mtocal
lmewhenhei
s
avai
labl
e.
Thi
sboysoundedmay be18ifnoty
ounger
;Khenan
hadnev
erment i
onedhimtomebef or
e.Di
dhehave
achi
ldthatIdi
dn’
tknowabout?
Me:Unfor
tunat
elyheIcannot
,hei
sinacomaandI
don’
tknowwhenhewi ll
beabl
etoret
urnyourcal
l
.
Casper
:What
?Si
ncewhen?
Me:
Whoam It
alki
ngt
o?
Casper
:Hi
sbr
otherKeenan.
Me:
Brot
her
?
Casper
:yesma’
am andwhom am Ispeaki
ngwi
th?

Ithoughttomysel
f,didhejustpul
la‘
whom’onme
soearlyinthemorni
ng?Whodoeshet hi
nkheis,
I
snappedoutofit,
“It
’sThando?”
Casper:Oh(hesoundedshocked)Inev
ert
hought
thefi
rstti
meIspoketoyouwoul dbeli
ket
his.
Me:
Isi
t?
Casper:
Sar
cast
ic,
Khenant
endenci
es.CanIcome
seehim?
Iansweredwit
houtt
hinki
ng,“When?”Shi
tIdidn’
t
knowthisboyandIwasalreadyaski
ngsuch
quest
ions.
Casper
:Whenev
eri
tisAl
ri
ghtwi
thy
ou.
Me:
Alr
ightcanIcal
lyoubacki
naf
ewhour
s?
Casper
:sur
ethi
ngsi
si.By
enow.

Heendedt hecall
, hewassocut e.ButKhenanhad
nev ertoldmehehadabr other.Suchay oungone
too, Igotupandf oldedmybl ankets,“canyougetup
alr
eady ?Mynecki saching.”Iwentt oshowerand
order edbr eakf
ast.Iateandt henchangedi ntoapair
ofjeans, jerseyandsneaker s.Mycl otheswere
gettinglooserbyt heday ;
thiswhol esi t
uati
onwas
stressingmeout .IcalledKalisat ocomeby ;when
shear r
ivedwesatout sidether oom.

Me:
Mah,
doesKhenanhav
eabr
other
?
Kal
i
sa:
Yes,
Tar
eck.Ar
eyoul
osi
ngy
ourmi
ndbaby
?
Me:
No,
anot
herbr
other
?
Kal
i
sa:
Whatdoy
oumean,
noheonl
yhasTar
eck!
Shewaslying,Idon’
tknowhowIcanpi ckt
hisshit
upbutIknewshewast el
li
ngmeshit.“
Keenan,never
hear
dofhim? ”herfacesuddenl
ychanged,
“stay
awayfr
om t hatboyheisnothi
ngbuttr
oubl
e.”
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
Her
:Juststayawayfr
om hi
m,hei
snogood.I
’
llget
Tar
ecktotakecareofi
t.
Me:
Takecar
ehow?
Her
:Hewi
l
lkn-

Shestoppedt
alki
ngassoonasshesawSpha
walki
ngtowar
dsus,“Ihav
etogo.
”Shescat
ter
edof
f,
“What’
supwithher?
”
Me:
Idon’
tknow.What
’sup?
Wehuggedandsatdown, hegavemeacupof
coff
ee,“wellr
ememberwewer einv
estigati
ngthe
doctor
?”shit,
Ihadcompl etel
yforgott
enaboutt hat
,I
nodded,“and,di
dy ouf
indany t
hing?”Het ookouta
fi
leandopenedi t
.
Spha:
Wel
lyouwoul
dn’
tguesswhatIf
ound!
Me:YouknowI’
m notgoodatguessi
ngsoj
ust
comeoutwit
hital
ready
.
Spha:Wellthedoctorhadnumer ouscal l
sand
meet i
ngswithTareck,andthedayIf etchedy ou
Tareckwasatt hedoctor’
soffice.Wedon’ tknow
whattheywer etal
kingabout.Butt heywer ecooking
upsomet hi
ng.Wet ookal ookatTar eck’scallsand
hehasn’tbeenhav i
ngirr
egularconv ersati
ons.But
therei
sonenumberhedi alsabout4t i
mesdai l
y.

Heshowedmet henumber ,Iwasst i

llholding
Khenan’sphoneandIdialledt henumber ,Khensani
.
“Nothat’shisgir
lf
ri
end,
Khenan’ sexwi f
e.Theyare
dati
ngsomef uckedupshitlikethat.Shei sn’
ta
thr
eat,butwhywoul dTareckwantmest uckinther
e?
Ihaven’tspokentohiminf orever.
”
Spha:Sweets,
Idon’tknow,may bethi
sisabout
Khenan,andLungelowasrightaft
erall
.ButwhatI
cansayisdon’tt
rusthim.Heisdodgy.
Me:
Ok,
copyt
hat
.Ineedaf
avourf
rom y
ou.
Spha:
Thando,
whati
sitnow?
Me:Ineedi
nfor
mati
ononaKeenan,
Idon’
tknowhi
s
sur
namebutIthi
nki
tisDeCost
a.
Spha:
Whatki
ndoft
roubl
ear
eyouget
ti
ngy
our
sel
f
i
ntonow?
Me:No,Ij
ustthi
nkhe’sKhenan’
syoungerbr
other
.
That
’sal
lIneedtoknow.
Spha:
Ok,
I’
ll
checki
tout
.Ar
eyouf
inet
hough?
Me:
Nev
erbeenbet
ter
.
Spha:
Ify
ouneedany
thi
ngj
ustcal
l
.
Me:
Thanks.

West oodupandhugged, hekissedmycheekand

walkedaway ,
heturnedaround;“don’
tthi
nkyoucan
runfrom methateasil
y,I
’
m stil
lgoingtogett
hat
chipinst
all
edagai
n.”Wechuckl edandhewalkedoff
.
Ispentt
hemorni
ngint
heroom goi
ngthr
ough
Khenan’
sphonet
ryi
ngtogetanycl
ueastowhy
Tareckwoul
dwantmeinthatmadhouse
permanent l
y.Ididn’tfi
ndany t
hing,butIdidfi
nd
messagesbet weenhi m andKeenanbackandf ort
h
dati
ngmont hs,andal mostay earback.Theywer e
tal
ki
ngi ncode, Imanagedt opi ckupaf ewnames
andfiguredouti twast hedrugbusiness.Keenan
seemedt obehi sI Tguy ,
kepthimi ntheloop,itwas
compl i
catedbutt heyseemedt otr
usteachot her.
Khenanseemedt otrustsomeguynamed‘ I
ce’ as
well
.Gosh, whatwasgoi ngoni nhisli
fe?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Somehowthi
spostdidn'tsendearli
erdi
dn'
tgeta
chancet
oedi
tagai
n.Pleasef or
giv
eme.
[
11/
23,
17:
12]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode59

Sphagotbackt ome, hehadi nfor

mat ionabout
Keenan.Thatwasqui ck,soKeenanwasKhenan’ s
youngerbrother,aresultofanaf f
air.Kalisawoul dn’
t
accepthim sohewassentt oJHB, Khenanwast he
onepay i
ngf orhisschool andaccommodat ionfor
thepastdecadeorso.Hi smot herdiedi nacar
acci
dentandt herewer enowi tnesses, butthepol i
ce
seem tothinkthecarwast amperedwi thbutthere
wasnobodyar r
ested.Hehadnocr imi nal r
ecord,
squeakyclean.
Idiall
edKeenanbutcouldn’
tgetahol eofhim;It
ri
ed
him numer ousti
mesandwasgoi ngst r
aightt
o
voicemai l
.Ther
ewasaknockatt hedoorandI
opened, andtherehest
ood;aspitt
ingimageofhis
brotherjustali
tt
lebi
tmoreinnocent.Hesmi l
edat
meandt hentookastepfor
wardandhuggedme.I
didn’tknowwhatt odo,
soIhuggedhi m backand
thenhequi cklyletgo,“I
’m sureSphat oldy ouwhat
thereist oknowaboutme, sohowdi dImi sst hi
s? ”
hewal kedt ot hewindowwher et herewasacabi net,
hecl eareditupandt ookoutar outerandhi slapt op
andsetupst ati
on.Het urnedt olookatme, “Wel l
? ”I
didn’tknowwhathewant edmet osay ,Idi dn’tknow
howt orespond.Ist oodther eandt henev entually
walkedov ertohi m,“whatar eyoudoi ng? ”hel ooked
atme, “Mybr otherisinhospi t
alandt hatwi t
chdi dn’t
bothert otellme.Somebodyi shidingsomet hing.”I
l
ookedathi m conf used,“welldidn’tyout rytocal l?
Thenmay bey ouwoul dhav enot i
cedt hatt herewas
apr oblem whenhedi dn’tpickup? ”
Keenan:
Isi
gnal
l
edandhedi
dn’
trespondsoI
assumedhewentbl
ack.
Me:
Black?
Keenan:howcanyounotknowalloft
his,di
dn’ty
ou
guystal
k?Youknowli
ke‘heyThando,
I’
m adr ug
deal
erandIsometi
meshav et
ogoaway ’
never?
Me:
wel
-
Hi
m:Oh,
hewentonbusi
nesst
ri
psdi
dn’
the?Shi
the
r
eal
lyl
ovesyouandhereIwasthi
nki
nghewasjust
j
oki
ng.Ok,t
her
eisalottol
earnbutf
ir
stl
yweneed
t
omakesureheissafe.
Me:
Hei
ssaf
e,I
’
m her
e24/
7
Him:That’
scute,andi
fTar
eckwer
etowal
ki
ngi
n
heregunsblazi
ngwhatwouldy
oudo?
Me:
why
..
.whygunsbl
azi
-

Ifr
ozef oraminute,shi
tTareckwasuptosomething.
Ikeptquiet
,“whatisit,
spi
ll
?”hewasn’
tevenlooki
ng
atme; hewasstil
l set
ti
nguphisworkst
ation.
Me:
Doy
out
hinki
t’
ssaf
etosetupi
nher
e?
Hi
m:Doy
out
hinkTar
eckwant
smybr
otherdead?
Me:
Yes,
may
be.
..
.
Hi
m:Wel
lyes,
may
bet
oyourquest
iont
oo.
Me:
what
?
Hi
m:whydoy
out
hinkTar
eckwant
sKhenandead?
Itol
dhi
m ever
ythi
ngthatSphahadt
oldme, andhe
wassti
ll
worki
ngonhisstati
on,“
ok,
allset
.Where
doesonegetf
oodaroundhere?”
Me:
Cant
eendownst
air
s.
Hi
m:Your
eal
l
ythi
nkIwi
l
leatt
hisf
ood.
Me:
Noot
heropt
ion.
Hi
m:I
’
mtaki
ngy
ououtf
oranear
lydi
nner
.
Me:wecan’tl
eav
ehim al
one;
andli
key
ousai
d,what
i
fTareckcomesingunsbl
azi
ng.
Hi
m:Hav
eal
i
ttl
efai
th.

Heopenedt hedoorandahugeguywal kedin,

“Thando,thisisIce.Let’
sgo. ”Hegrabbedmyar m
andpulledmeoutt hedoor .Ismackedhishand,
“whatthef uck,y
out hinkI’
m goingtoleavemyhusb
-”
Hi
m:Fi
ancé,andy
es.I
’
llexpl
ainev
ery
thi
ngt
oyou
ov
erl
unch.
Hel ookedatI ce,“
I’m sor r
ybuddy ,I’
l
lber i
ghtback.
Givemeandhourt ops.”Hepul ledmeoutt hedoor
andwhi speredi nmyear ,“youneedt oactl i
key ou’r
e
comi ngwi t
hmewi ll
ingly ;Ihavecamerassetupj ust
toseewhoi swat chingorf oll
owingus.”I
straight
enedupandwal kedwi thhi
m, wechat ted
abouthi sfl
ightandal ittleaboutschool,onl ytofind
outhehaddr oppedout .Wewal kedtoaf oodt ruck
twobl ocksawayandsatdownonabenchatapar k
eatingwor sroll
s,“don’tlooknowbutaty ou9
o’clockthereisamanwear ingrunni
nggear ,
Tar eck’
sguy .12o’clockamani nasuit,alsohis
guy .”
Me:
Howdoy
ouknow?
Hi
m:di
dKhenannott
eachy
ouany
thi
ng?
Me:
Didhehav
eto?
Him:Obvi
ously
.Webestheadback; I
ceisavery
busyman.Theseguyswon’tdoany
thingtous,
they
arej
ustspyi
ng.I’
l
lbety
ou100kthatTareckwentto
Khenan’
sroom aft
erwelef
t.
Me:
100k?Wher
ear
eyougoi
ngt
ogett
hatt
ypeof
money
?
Hechuckled,
wegotupandwalkedbacktot
he
hospi
tal
,“howdoyouknowal
lthi
sstuff
?”
Him:Khenantrainedme.Hetr
ustsmemoret
han
anyoneelsei
nt heworl
d.Don’
tgoal
lgi
rl
yonme;i
t’
s
adiff
erentki
ndoft r
ust
.

Wegotbackt othehospital
;I
cewasst andingatt he
workstat
iontypingawayatthelaptop,“wel l
?He
camedidn’the?”Icej
ustnodded,Keenant ur
nedt o
meandsai d,“
I’
llsendyoumybankingdet ail
s.”This
boywascr azy,
li
kewhatisgoingonr ightnow?I
neededKhenant owakeupandsor tthisfucki ng
mess..
.

SoKeenanwaswi thmei nther oom fort

henext3
days.Isleptont hecouchandhesl eptonthechair
,
wellt
hat ’
swhenhedi dsl
eep.Hef i
ll
edmei nonso
much, soKhenanandTar eckwer en’tget
ti
ngalong
ver
ywel l.AndSur pr
isesurpriseKali
sawason
Tar
eck’ sside.Justtothi
nkt hatwomanwaswi th
Khenanal lalongwhi l
eIwasst uckinthatmadhouse.
Tareckwassuspect edofwor ki
ngwi t
hSpi derand
that’
swhyKhenandi dn’ttel
lhim aboutthediamond
deal.Tar eckwasangr ybecauseKhenanwant edto
beking, Iwasconf usedbecauseKal i
sahad
encour agedKhenant otakedownSpi derwi ththe
helpofDumi sani andZenon, butKeenanexpl ai
nthat
Tarecki sn’tstrongenoughanddoesn’ thav ethe
manpowert odohal fthestuffKhenancando.Iwas
actuall
yent er t
aini
ngt hisenti
redrugshi t
,itwas
actuall
yki ndofi nter
est i
ng.Khenan’sphonekept
ri
ngingandhewasr ecei v
ingemai l
sleftri
ghtand
centre.KeenangotoneofKhenan’ sguy stowat ch
him andweheadedhome.

Wewenti nhiscar;t
hisboywasdr i
vingaBMW i 8
black.Wheredi dhegetthemoneyt odriv
esuchan
expensivecar?Wewentt oKhenan’
shouseandI
showedhi mt otheguestroom.Iwentt oourmain
bedroom andt heroom wasn’tcl
eanedupatall,i
t
wasl ikewejustupandl ef
t.Thebedwasn’ tmade
andt hebathroom wasinamess.It ookthebedding
offthebedandputonnewbeddi ng,Ichangedt he
towelsint hebathroom andwipedt hesur f
acesand
moppedt hefloors.Iswepttheroom andt ookthe
l
aundr ydownt othebasementandi ntot hemachine.
Iwentupshower edandcamedown; Keenanwas
sit
tingintheloungeonhi sl
aptop.Iwenti ntothe
kit
chenandst art
edpr epari
ngsupper, hewalkedin
holdinghislaptop,“makeenoughf or5, Tareckand
Kalisaarecomi ng.”
Me:
Thenwhy5?
Hi
m:becauseIeatf
or2.
Helaughed;
Idon’
tknowifIwasgoi
ngt
ogetal
ong
wi
ththisboy,“
howoldar
ey ou?
”
Hi
m:whydoy
ouask?
Me:
Iwasgoi
ngt
oof
fery
ouabeer
.
Hi
m:I
’
m 20.
Me:
Prov
eit
!
Hi
m:Hay
iSi
siman,
yout
hinkndi
yaxoka?
Me:
Soy
ou’
reXhosa?
Hi
m:Doesi
tmat
ter
?

Het ur nedhislaptopar oundshowi ngmehi sst

udent
card; Ilookedatt hedat eofbir
th.Ilookedathi
m and
hegav emet hebiggestgr inev
er,Iopenedthefri
dge
andt ookoutaHei nekenf orhi
m andopenedi t
,
“enkosi si
si.
”Igotabot t
leofchampagneand
handedi tovertohi mt oopenf orme, andt
henI
remember eddoingt hesamet hingwi t
hKhenan
whilehewat chedmecook.Ismi led,“Whyareyou
l
ooki ngatmel ikethat?”Iignoredhisquesti
on.

Me:WhatifIwant
edtol
ear
naboutthebusi
ness
whi
leKhenanwasunabl
etoruni
t?Youknowliker
un
shi
tunt
ilhecamebackt
ous?
Hel
ookedatmeshocked,
“whatdoy
oumean?
”
Me:Hypot
heti
call
yspeaki
ng,
Ist
epi
ntohi
sshoes
andkeepever
ythi
ngmov i
ngwhi
l
eheisaway
.
Hi
m:Theny
ouwoul
dhav
eapr
iceony
ouhead.
Me:doesKhenanhav
eoneonhi
s?
Hi
m:Yi
p
Me:
Howmuch?
Hi
m:Ar
eyouf
ucki
ngki
ddi
ngme?
Me:
Noswear
ingandy
esI
’
m ser
ious.
Hi
m:25mi
l
li
onl
astIchecked.
Me:
What?Someonewoul
dpay25mi
l
li
onRandsj
ust
t
ohavehi
m mur
dered?

Helaughedatme,“You’
rej
okingri
ght?Rands?Ai
n’
t
nobodytal
kinRandsnomor e,dol
l
ars.
”
Me:Engl
i
sh,wespeakproperEngl
i
sh.Andwhyt
he
f
uckishi
s‘head’
soexpensiv
e.
Him:LanguageSi
si,
welll
ookthereisahier
archyi
n
thi
sbusinesswe’
rei
n.Thehigheryougetinthe
busi
nessthemoreexpensi
vey ouget.
Me:
SoKhenani
spr
ett
yhi
ghup?
Him:Yip,andespeci
all
yforhi
sage.Yousee, Coon,
nowthiscathasbeenont hebl
ockforyears.Way
befor
ey ouevenknewy ourownname.Thisnigger
r
ighthere,
her
unst
hegame;
seehei
sconnect
edt
o
t
heSer bs.
Me:
Ser
bsasi
nSer
bians?Thehumancanni
bal
s?
Him:Yeah,
5st
arsf
ory
ou,
ha-
ha.Soer
bodybe
scar
edofem.
Me:every
bodyi
sscar
edoft
hem,
cor
rect
ion.
Cont
inue.
Him:WellafterKingCooni sSpider
,nowt hese
Lati
nomot herfuckersjustgotlucky.Her e’
st hethi
ng
Zenon,yesy ourfatherwaski ng.Wellthenoneofhi s
boyssoldhim out ,
pai dbyCoonofcour se; t
henhe
endedupi nprison.Nowpr oductwasn’tf l
owi ngso
wellwit
hZeeoutt hepi ct
uresohet oldhi sgangt o
goblack.Everyonedi sappearedoffthest reetand
thenCoont ookov er,soSpidercli
mbedupt heladder.
Me:Ok,soZenonwasking,Coonknockedhi
m out
andbecameking?ThatmeansSpiderwas3r
drank
andmadehiswayto2nd?
Him:I
’
llgi
v eyou10star
sther
e.Soli
ttl
edidCoon
knowthatwhileZee’
smenwer ei
nhidi
ngsomethi
ng
wascooking.Zeeshi
ppedall
hisboy
st oRussi
aand
theywor kedunderDr okov i
ch.Finethatpartisn’
t
i
mpor t
ant.Zeest ayedl ockedupwhi l
ehiscat swere
bringi
ngi nthecash.Hemadeconnect i
onsinCuba
andst art
edgr owinghi sownpr oduct.Whent hefarm
wasupandr unningev eryonecamebackandst art
ed
selli
nghisshi t
,betterqual i
tyatar easonabl
epr i
ce.
Finewor kingrelati
onshi pwasf inehenowbecame
number3.ButCoonst i
llhadbeefbecauset heonly
niggerwithbal l
st otakehi m onwasy oupops.
Me:ok,
Ithi
nkIfoll
ow,butwher
edoesKhenanget
i
nvol
vedinal
lofthi
s.
Him: Khenanandhi sbr othergottangledupwi thbad
peopleandshi twentsout handKhenanhadt odeal
withMar ques,whichy ouknowaboutbecausehe
wasbr ingi
ngbadbusi nessandshi t.Withhim out
thepictureKhenanmadei tto5thplace,butseenow
hewassmar t
.Hedi dn’tgoheadf ir
stwant i
ngt odeal
withthebigdogsandsi tatthebigtable.Hewasj ust
getti
ngbyandr unni
nghi sshitontheside.Untily
ou
discoveredyourfather,seenowKhenandi dn’
twant
tobeapar tofit
.Youguy swer efi
ghti
ngatt hatti
me,
aboutthatLongor i
achi ck.
Me:
Howdoy
ouknowal
loft
his?
Him:We’r
eboys,hei
smybi
gbr
other
;andIt
hink
yourpoti
sbur
ning.
[
11/
23,
17:
13]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode60

Shit,i
twasst arti
ngtobur n,Iwassowr appedinthe
storythatIevenf or
gotIwascooki ng.Ithr
ewt he
papi nthebin;Iputveggiesonat rayandthen
seasonedsomel ambchopsandputi talli
ntheov en.
Iputthepot atoesinwaterandl eti
tcookoni t
sown.
Iturnedbackt ofacehim, “andthenwhathappened
afterthat
,hewentt obreakZenonoutofpr i
son.”
Him:SoonceZeeknewabouty ouhewassoi nl
ove
andwant edtospendt i
mewi t
hhisdaughter.Hefelt
l
ikehewasget t
ingol
dandt hat’
swhenhet old
Jamest omakeapl an.Heobv i
ouslyknewthat
Jameswasal soKhenan’sl
awy er
.SoZenongav eK
anulti
mat um,Khenanwast ohelpgethimtoSAand
hewouldhel phim makekingandallowhimt omarry
you.Butli
ttl
edidZeeknowt hatyouwer eDigger
’s
baby.Iwi l
lnoteventel
lyouaboutDigger;i
t’
stoo
l
atefort
hathor r
or ,ha.WhenDi ggerf oundouty ou
wereZenon’
sbi ologicaldaughterhewant edZeeout
ofyourl
if
e.ThatwaswhenKhenanpr oposedt he
di
amonddeal ,
deal wast heyhitthisonet imedeal
andZenonwoul dbeoutofy ourli
fefor ever.Khenan
j
ustwantedthemoneyandt obr i
ngSpi deroutof
hi
dingsoastoki llhim andbe2ndbef oredealing
wit
hCoon.Her e’swher et hetwisthappens.
Me:
Hmmm
Hi
m:Beerpl
ease.
Me:
Arey
ouf
ucki
ngki
ddi
ngme.
HesmiledandIgothi
m abeer
,“sowhathappened?
Thebearwaspokedandcameoutofhidi
ng.I
rememberthat
.”
Him: Sot henighttheywer
esupposedt oattack
Spider ;
Digger‘ki
dnapped’
Khenanandmadeadeal
wit
ht heSpider.HehandedZenonov ert
ospi derand
Spiderhadt oleaveourter
ri
tor
y.Apparentl
ySpi der
handedZeet oTheCoont osett
lehisbeefor
what everwasgoi ngonbetweenthem.Sot hat’
s
basicallyhowt hi
s..
.
Hest oppedmidsent enceandl ookedbehindme,
Tareckcamechar gingint hedoor,“
Whatt hef
ucki
s
hedoi ngher
e?”Istoodi nhisway ,“
thati
snowayto
tr
eaty ourbr
other
.Cal mt hefuckdown. ”
Tar
eck:
y outell
i
ngmetocal
mthef
uckdown?Who
doyouthinkyouar
e?
Me:Tareck,
youbet
tercoolit
.Thi
sismyhouseand
youwil
lbehavei
namat terIseef
it
.
Tar
eck:
Yourhouse?Ri
ght
.

Ihandedhimt hepaper
sthatshowedIhadf
ull
executor
shi
poft heest
ateandevery
thi
ngel
se
shouldanyt
hinghappentoKhenan,“
youwit
ch!
”
Me:I
t’
seit
heryoucal
m down,
ory
ougett
hef
uckout
ofmyhouse.
Hestoodwit
hhi
schestmov
ingupanddownoutof
angerandev
ent
ual
l
yleft
.
Me:
Wel
lIguessi
t’
sdi
nnerf
or3t
hen.
Keenan:
3?
Me:
oh,
IguessI
’
llhav
etheot
herone.

Webot hchuckled,andcont i
nuedwi thourdri
nks.
Whent hefoodwasr eady ,
Imashedt hepotatoes
andmadegr avyfr
om t hetrayIusedt omaket he
meat.Weat eandendedupsi t
ti
ngout si
dedrinking
anddiscussingmor edr ugstories.Iwasturntand
neededt osleeponapr operbed.Ilefthi
m stil
l onhi
s
comput erandwentt obed.It ookof fmyjeansand
brathensleptinmyt opandj ustmypant i
es.

Iwokeupt henextmor ningar ound5am; It

ooka
showerandheadeddownst airs.Myheadwas
pounding,Igotabeerf rom t hef r
idgewentt othe
pat i
oandhadaci garette.Idr ovet omyhouset o
pickupmyl aptop,Iwant edt ogot omyr oom butI
feltIwoul
dgetemot ional .SoIj ustgrabbedmy
l
apt opandheadedoutagai n.WhenIgott othe
houseKeenanwasal readyupandonhi slaptopi
n
t
hecouch,
“mor
ning.
”
Hi
m:What
’sf
orbr
eakf
ast
?
Me:
Ihav
en’
tev
ent
houghtaboutf
oody
et.
Hi
m:Buty
out
houghtaboutbeer
?Hehe.
Me:
You’
resuchat
ool
!!

Imadehashf rom lastni

ght’
smash,scrambledegg
andbacon.Idi dn’
thav eti
met obestandingaround
doingnot hi
ng.Iopenedmyl aptopandrepli
ed
emails;2hourslaterIgotKhenan’sl
aptopand
checkedhi semails.Idon’
tknowhowhedi dso
muchwor kandstillmanagedtomaket imef orme,I
setupmeet i
ngswi ththemanagersoftheclubsand
thehotels.Sotodaywasgoi ngtobeabusyday ,“wi
l
l
yougocheckony ourbr ot
her?”
Keenan:
WhywouldIdot
hat
?It
’sacoma,
hei
sn’
t
goi
nganywher
e.
Me:
Wel
ltoseei
fhei
sokay
.
Hetypedonhiscomput
erandturnedt
hescr
eenmy
way,
andtherehewassleepi
ng,andhi
snewsecur
it
y
st
ati
onedatthedoor
.
Me:
Whendi
dyousett
hisup?
Him:All
thoseni
ght
sIcoul
dn’
tsl
eepcauseofy
our
snor
ing.
Me:
Idon’
tsnor
e.
Hi
m:Ha,
wantmet
oshowy
ou?
Me:
NO!

Hewaschuckl i
ng;Ilefthimint heloungeandwent
tochange.Ineededtheseguy st otakemeser i
ously
.
Iputonawhi t
elacet op,withthreequartersleeve
andablackblazer.Ifoldedthesleevesjusttoshow
thewhit
esleeves,andbl ackanklegrazertrousers.I
l
ookedatmyshoesdeci dedont hepointynude
JimmyChooandpackedmyhandbagandl aptop
bagandheadedout .
Keenan:
Whataboutme?
Me:
Whatabouty
ou?
Keenan:
Arey
ougoi
ngt
oleav
emeher
ebymy
sel
f?

Wast hisboybeingserious?Ilookedathim packi ng

hi
sbag, “ar
ey ouscaredTar eckmi ghtcomef oryou
again,andIwon’tbether etoprotectyou?”Iturned
aroundandl aughedwal ki
ngtowar dsthecar.He
caughtupt ome, “haha, r
ealfunnyaren’
tyouj ust.
Getin.”heunlockedhiscar .
Me:You’r
ejokingr
ight
?Nobodywil
ltakeme
ser
iousl
ydri
vingar
oundinthi
stoy
.

Iopenedt hegar agedoorwi thther emot e,

Iwal ked
i
nandunl ockedt heJaguarXFandgoti ntotheback
seat.Irol
leddownt hewi ndow, “no,yougeti n.”Iput
onmyshadesandsatback, Igothi mr ealgood, I
l
aughedt omy self.Wedr oveoft othef ir
stcluband
metwi ththemanager ,everythi
ngwasi nor derIwas
happy.Wet hr
ewar oundsomei deasf orcomi ng
events.Thewhol edaywasasuccessr eall
y;Khenan
tr
eatedeachcl ubandeachhot el asani ndivi
dual.
Thatwast oomuchwor kformyl i
ki
ng, Isetupa
combi nedst atusmeet i
ngf ortheendoft hemont h
thatwoul dt aket hewhol eday.ThenIwentt ot he
l
astmeet i
ng, Iwal kedintother oom andt hereshe
was, MissLongor i
a.It
urnedar oundandwal ked
strai
ghtoutoft hatof f
ice.Whywasshenotcl earas
towhoshei s,shewassosecr eti
v ei
nt heemai l.I
wasn’thav ingi t
,Idon’thav etheener gyforherr ight
now.Ifshewant sKhenanshecangof indhim onhi s
hospitalbed.I twas4h30andwasdonewi th
everyt
hing, obv i
ouslyIcoul dn’
tmeetwi ththe
manager si nDur banandJhbbutwewoul dbe
communi cat i
ngv iaemai landsky pe.Iwast i
redand
famished, Igoti ntothecar ,“
Let’sgetmef eddr i
v er
.”
Keenan:
Hay
isi
si.
Iletoutalaugh,“don’
tlaughtoohard,yousti
l
lowe
me100k. ”myphonebeepedandi twasamessage
withhisbankingdetai
ls.Thisboywasbeingseri
ous,
hedon’tknowwhoIam, “anextr
a20kont op?Haha,
you’r
emygee! ”
Me:
Nope,
hol
ditr
ightt
her
e.Me?Gee?NahFAM!
!
Hi
m:Whatdoy
ouwantt
oeatbossl
ady
?
Me:
Yourpi
ck!

Hedr oveust
oaChi neser estaurant,
“Il
ovethi
s
place.
”Hesmiled,“
Iknowr i
ght.”Wewer etakent
o
ourtabl
eandweor dereddr i
nks, “howdoyouknow
yourwayaroundthisplace?”
Hi
m:Iusedt
ocomeher
eal
ot.
Me:
Andy
oust
opped?
Him:WhenBhutifoundoutIdroppedoutofschool
andwantednot
hingt odowithme.SoIstayedaway
foracoupl
eofmont hs.Thenhemetyouanddi dn’
t
haveti
meformeany more.
Me:Thatdoesn’
tseem l
i
keKhenan,
buty
ouguy
sst
il
l
communicatedr
ight
?
Him:Hecan’
tli
vewi
thoutmeheneedsmel
i
kehe
needsoxy
gen.
Me:
Sowhydi
dn’
tyoucomet
ovi
si
t?
Hi
m:Iwasbusy
.
Iwasn’thappywi t
hthatanswersoIj ustleti
tgo,we
hadourmeal andwentt othehospit
al.West ay
ed
ther
ef orabout2hour sandthenheadedhome.On
thewayIwasnowsi t
ti
ngint hefr
ont,“sowhatifI
couldmakey our‘
hypothet
icall
y’r
eal
ity?”Il
ookedat
him confused,“myhypotheti
call
y?”
Him:WhatifIt
rai
nedyou?Youknowandt henyou
candowhatKhenandoes,whi
leheisn’
tableto.
That
’swhatyousaidl
astni
ghtri
ght
?
Me:
Andy
out
ookmeser
iousl
y?
Hi
m: It
houghtaboutit
,thebusinessi
ssuff
eri
ng
wi
thouthi
m andthingswill
onlygetworsef
rom her
e.
Me:
Whydon’
tyoudoi
t?
Hi
m:I
’
m shy
.
Hesmi ledandIr ol
ledmyey es.Andweheaded
home.Ipr eparedsupperanddi dn’
tknowwher e
Keenanwas, Isi
ppedonmywi newhi l
eIcooked.
WhenIwasdoneIwentt ohisr oom andhewasn’t
there,
Icheckedout si
deandt henlookedinthe
cinema, andthat
’swhereIfoundhi m;“supperi
s
ready,whatar eyoudoi
nginher e?”
Hi
m:Si
tdown.
ME:
KeenanIdon’
thav
eti
mef
orgames,
I’
m hungr
y.
Hi
m:Si
tdownI
’
llgett
hef
ood.
[
11/23,
17:
14]Ly
nne:
Justasni
ppet
..
..mot
ivat
ion!
!
Br
ibe

Epi
sode61

Hepushedmedowni ntotheseatanddi sappear ed

outther oom; Isatwit
hmygl assandwai ted.After
10mi nutesher eappearedwithat r
ay ,
hehaddi shed
upthepast ainabowl ,itwastoomuchandhi s
excusewast hathedidn’twantmeget t
ingupf or
secondi nt hemi ddl
eoft heshow.Hebought2
bott
lesofwi neandchi ps,thi
sboywast oomuch, “
all
set?”Inodded, “okIneedyout okeepanopenmi nd
aboutmypr esentat
ion,andIdon’texpectananswer
nowbutj ustthinkaboutit.
”Ijustnoddedagai n; he
switchedt hel i
ghtsoffandstartedthepr esentation.
Isatthrougha20mi nutenarratedvideoofhowI
needtohelpoutwi
tht
hedrugbusi
ness.Il
aughedat
theend;i
twasreal
l
yamusingImustadmit
.IfIdi
dn’
t
havesomuchonmypl at
eIwouldtr
yandhelp,but
notbeinamob.Dumiwouldkil
lme,“
sowhatdoy ou
thi
nk?”
Me:
Thi
sseemssi
mpl
e,whydon’
tyoudoi
t?
Hi
m:Youthi
nktheywoul
dli
stentome?I’
m 20and
t
hoseguy
sarescaryt
heywon’tl
i
stent
ome.
Me:
Haandt
heywi
l
lli
stent
omebecause?
Hi
m: Becausey
ou’
rehi
swi
fe,
wel
lal
most
.Theywi
l
l
r
espectyou.
Me: Thi
sisallamusingbuthoney,
Iam notgoingto
perf
orm cri
minalacti
vi
ti
es.Icoul
dloseever
ything;
therest
aurants,
theschool,
myshowandIhav ebig
thi
ngscomi ngup.I’
m sor
ryhun,Ij
ustcan’
t.
Hi
m:Justt
hinkabouti
t.
Me:
ok.

Hejumpedup,“
youwil
l?Li
keseri
ousl
y?”Inodded,
"I
am notpr
omisi
ngyouanyt
hingbutImi
ghthelpwit
h
consul
ti
ngi
fyouguy
sneedme.
”
Hi
m:That
’sgoodenough.
Me:
Nowcl
eanupt
hismess,
I’
m goi
ngt
obed.

Igotupandwalkedoutwithmygl assandabott
leof
wine.Igoti
ntobedandthoughtaboutthewhol
e
thi
ng.WasIreall
yconsi
deri
ngthis??
Not
hisshi
tiscr
azy
.Ican'
t!
If
ell
asl
eep.

Thenextcoupl eofday sIwasav oidi

ngKeenanl i
ke
theplague,Ihadn’tthoughtabouti tandIwasscar ed
honestly.SoIsnuckoutt hehouseandbacki nlate
atnight.Iwasf r
eetodayandf ortherestoftheweek,
soIwokeupandgotdr essedi nawhi tevestanda
yel
lowt utuskir
t.Iputonacr opj eanjacketand
tur
quoisepointyheel ,
Itiedmyhai rupi nahighneat
bunandpackedmybl ackcl utchandheadedf ort he
door.IgotintomycarandKeenancamer unningout
i
nhi sboxers,“Thando,ar eyour unningawayev enon
y
ourdayof
f?”
Me:I’
mjustr
ushi
ngt
oseemypar
ent
s;I
’
llbehome
by4h30.
Hel ookeddi sappointedandst eppedawayf rom the
car ,
Ifeltbad.ButIwasn’ tgoingt ohav ethis,not
today .Iwentt ot hebakeryandgotadozenof
cupcakesandheadedt othehospi tal.Igott hereand
Iexcusedt heguar dandsatdown, “hel l
obaby ,I
’ve
mi ssedy ou.Thedoct orsaidy ouar edoi ngwel l
,I
’m
proudofy ou.Soguesswhatt odayi s,mybi rthday.”I
startedtosni f
f;Iopenedt heboxandat et hef i
rst
cupcake.Ist ayedwi thhimf orhour s,justtalking
rubbish.Imi ssedmyconv ersat i
onswi thhi m; I
couldn’twai tforhi mt owakeupsoIcant ell hi
m all
aboutt hecl ubsandt hehotels.Iwasdoi ngwel land
hewoul dbesopr oudofme.

After6cupcakes,
Icouldn’
ttakeanymor e;Igota
glassofwaterandsatbackdown.Ist art
edt al
king
again,“
babyIdon’tknowwhatt odo,Keenant hi
nksI
shouldtakeovert
hingswhil
ey ou’
restil
lhere.Idon’
t
knowi fIcandoi t,
I’
m scared.First
lyIhav esomuch
onmypl at
e,secondlyi
tisallil
legalstuffitcannot
possiblybegoodf ormybusi ness,thirdl
yitisvery
dangerousIcoul dgethurt
.Four thl
y,theguy swould
neveracceptmeI ’
m awoman; whicht hugwoul d
wantt oreporttoawoman?Ok, may bethugi stoo
harsh,butyouknowwhatImean.Babyt hereisa
wholelistofreasonswhyIshoul dn’tdot his,but
Keenani ssokeenandhef eelsthatIam t heonly
onewhocanhel pkeepy ourbusinessaf loat.Thisi
s
hard,Ineedyoubaby …Ineedy outocomebackt o
me.”

Itookmycupcakesandheadedhome, whenIgot
thereitwas4pm.Ist
eppedintothehouseandt ook
myshoesof fatt
hedoor,Keenanrushedtowards
me, “y
ou’r
eearl
y,y
ousaid4h30.Whyar eyouear l
y?”
Me:
Badday
,Ineedadr
ink.
Iwalkedi
ntot
hekitchenandopenedthef
ridgeand
ther
ewasnobeerandnochampagnei nt
hef r
idge,
“Khenanyouf
ini
shedallt
hecoldshi
t.
”
Hi
m:Keenany
oumeanr
ight
?
Me:Whatev
er,I
’m goi
ngtotheshopsqui
ck.Want
any
thi
ng?I’
m notcooki
ngtoni
ght.

Iwal kedoutbef oreheanswer ed,Iwasannoy edbut

notathi mt hough.Ij ustmissedmyman, Idrovet o
UltraLi quor sandst eppedoutoft hecaronl yto
real i
sedIl eftmyshoesatt hedoor .Ohf ucki t,I
wal kedi nandst raightforthef r
idge.Igotacr ateof
champagneanda48ofHei neken, andwenti ntot he
ciderf ridgesandl ookedar ound.Idi dn’tknowwhatI
wasl ookingf orandIf oundBer nini,l
ookedcut eand
Ihadseeni talloversoci alnetwor ksoIt ooka24of
i
tandwentt opay .Thegent lemanhel pedmepack
thedr i
nksi ntotheboot .Iputa6packoft heBer nini
ont hepassengerseatandheadedbackhome, Itook
oneandopenedi twi thmyt eethandt ookasi p.Then
Iremember edKhenan’ scrashandIputi ti nthecup
hol deranddr ovehome, Iputhal fthechampagnei n
thef ri
dgei nthegar ageandmade3t ri
pst othe
kitchencar ryi
ngtheal cohol insi
de.Keenancameout
ofnowher e,“ar
ewehav i
ngapar t
y ?”
Me:
Tocel
ebr
atewhatexact
ly?
Hi
m:Yourbi
rt
hday
,duh(
her
oll
edhi
sey
es)
Me:
Noi
t’
snot
.
Hi
m:ohok,
wel
lKhenanhasagi
ftf
ory
ou.
Me:
Keenanpl
easedon’
tfuckwi
thme,
Iam noti
n
t
hemood.
Hi
m:Comeandsee.

Igrabbedt he6packandf oll

owedhi mt othelounge;
therewassomeki ndofamodel ofahouse.Il ooked
properlyanditwassomeki ndofr esor t
,Isatont he
couchwhi leKeenanst oodbyt heTV, “wat chandbe
amazed. ”Thisboyl ovedt omakepr esentati
ons,I
watchedassomel adywasexpl aini
ngt hehotel,
casinoandconf erencer esortandav ideoofhowi t
woul dlook.Idi
dn’tunder standhowt hiswasal l
rel
ev anttomer eall
y .IdrankmyBer ninianditwas
actuallygood,“
sowhatdoy outhink?”
Me:
It’
sgor
geous.
Hi
m:Iknewy
ou’
dli
kei
t.
Hehandedmeaf i
leandthenapocketenvel
ope,
“
thi
sisfr
om Khenan,HappyBi
rt
hdaySisi
.”
Iopenedt
hef i
l
eandi twasthecasi
no,i
nmyname.
Whatthefuck,no.It
earedup,“
don’
tcryIdon’
tknow
howtocomf or
tsomeone.Don’tdoit
.”
Iopenedt hepocketenv elopeandi twasplane
ti
cket st
oMpumal angat oseet hecasi
no.Whatdi dI
dot odeservethi
s?Thismanl ovedmesomuchand
thoughtofmei neverythingthathedoes.It ookthe
fi
le,theti
cketsandmyal cohol uptomyroom, Ij
ust
l
ef tKeenanstandi
ngther e.Ilockedtheroom and
gotintobedinmycl othes.Icr iedmysel
ftosleep.
[
11/ 23,17:
14]Ly
nne:Igotafewmoreli
kes.
..
.st
il
l
notenoughbutI'
mf eel
inggener
oust
hisSunday.
..
.
here'sali
lsomethi
ng.
..
.

Epi
sode62

Nextmor
ningKeenanwasknocki
ngatt
hedoor
,I
wasuplongagothi
nki
ng…Iwalkedtot
hedoorand
openedf
orhi
m, “
Imadebreakf
ast.
”
Me:Idon’
tknowifI
’mreadyt
odie,howwi
l
lIr
un
Khenan’
sorgani
sat
ionwhenI
’m dead?

Hef
roze,
“What
?You’
rei
n?”
Me:
I’
min.

Heputt
hetr
ayont hebedandpickedmeupand
swungmearound,
“ SHE’
SIN!
!!
”
Keenandi
dn’twast
eanyt
ime,
hewasal
readyt
alki
ng
aboutt
rai
ning.
Me:Sl
owy ourr
olehoney;
fir
stl
ygetoutofmyroom I
needt
ogetdressed.Andsecondl
yIhaveafewrul
es
togoover
.
Keenan:
Any
thi
ngf
ory
ouYourHi
ghness.

Helef
ttheroom andIatet
hebreakf
astand
showeredandmethim downst
air
s.Hegotupand
tookthetrayfrom me,shamet hi
sboywasov er!
!So
wesatdowni nthelounge,andhehady etanother
present
ationprepared,“
Seriously?OkIhaveaf ew
thi
ngs,fi
rstl
ynomor epresentati
ons.IknowIsaid
I
’m onboar dbutIneedt hi
ngsdonemyway ,Iwil
l
makeaf ewchangesandi fy ouguysdisagreewith
meIwi l
lwal k.
”
Hi
m:Butwe’
veal
way
sdonet
hingst
hesameway
.
Me: Yetyouguyscan’tkeepthefuckenbusiness
afl
oatandKhenanhasn’ tevenbeeninthatcomaf or
thatlong.I
fyouwon'tacceptthat
,thenIam noteven
goingtobegin.
Him: Ok,butnot
hingdrast
ictheseguysaren’
tthe
t
y pe.Ihaveonelastpr
esentati
on,t
hiswil
lhel
pwhen
youmeett heteam.
Me:
Ok,
hol
dthatt
hought
.

Iwalkedtot hekit
chenandcamebackwi t
hasi x
packofBer nini
inanicebucket.Ireal
l
yl i
kedthis
dri
nk;Ineedt ostocki
tup.Isatdownandl ookedat
thescreen.Keenanstart
edwitht hepresentat
ion…
*
***
***
***
***
***Keenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Thandosatdownwi t
hheralcoholandlookedatme.
Istart
ed,“
Therear
eabout50peopl ei
nt hi
sK
Organisat
ion,
youobvi
ousl
ywon’ tmeetthem all
so
wil
l br
iefy
ouontheimport
antones.”Iswitchedon
theTVandputupani mage,shejustl
ookedatme.

Me: Thisi
sPete,32andhei sourcleanup.I
fyou
makeamesshei stheonet ocal
l,he’squi
etand
keepstohimself
.Doesn’tspeakonlywhenspoken
to,Ithi
nkhei
smar ri
edthereisnowher einhel
la
singl
emancancl eanthatgood.

Ichuckl
edtomy sel
f,i
twasfunnybutThandowasn’
t
havi
ngit.Ouch,
thathurt
.Imovedonandputupthe
nextimage.

Me:
Smuggi
e,Idon’
tknowhowol
dhei
s.Hecan
smuggl
eany t
hingandanyoneanywher
eand
ever
ywher
e.Hegothi mselfar
rest
edj
ustt
osmuggl
e
somedruglordoutofjai
l
.
Igotherat
tent
ion,
shesatup,
“andhegotout
?”
Me:Yeah,
orel
sehewoul
dn’
tbewor
kingwi
thus
r
ight
.
Thando:
Howdi
dhedoi
t?
Me:Wellmay
behewi
l
lanswery
ou,
he’
snev
ert
old
anyofus.

Shesli
dbackintoherposi
ti
on,“
Smuggieor gani
ses
thetr
anspor
tat
ionandshipmentoft
hepr oductand
heistheonewhodealswithpi
ckupv enuesand
dropoff
s.Soyah”

Iwentt
othenextpi
ctur
e,Ismi
l
edt
omy
sel
f.

Me:Thisismypersonal
fav
ouri
te,
Snake.Hei
sthe
t
ransport
er,
thegetawaydri
ver
.Thet
hingshedoes
behindthewheelarei
ncredi
ble.23year
sofage,
arr
estedabout5timesforil
l
egal dr
agraci
ng,
they
suspendedhisl
icencei
ndefi
nitel
y.

Thando:
Soifthecopscat
chhimri
dingar
ound
wit
houtali
cence,
whathappenst
hen?

Me:
Haha,t
heywi
l
lnev
ercat
chhi
m;hei
stoof
ast
f
ort
hem.
Thando:Butyousai
dhehasbeenar
rest
edbef
oreso
howwi l
li
tnothappenagai
n?
Me:Thesamewayy oudi
dn’tendupinpri
sonf
or
ki
dnappi
ngthatbabyf
rom t
hehospit
al.

Okmay bethatwasharsh,butsheneedst otoughing

up.Thi si
snothingcomparedtowhatt hegangi s
goingt odotoher.Shelookedatme, “
ok.”Itypedon
myl aptopsearchi
ngforav i
deoofthecopschasi ng
him; Igott
hev i
deoandplayeditonthescr een,
“Longestcopchasei nt
hehi st
oryofSouthAf ri
ca,i
f
hedidn’
trunoutoffuelhewasgoingtomakei tt
o
theboarder
.”Thandolaughedasshewatched,If
ast
for
wardedtowher eherunsoutoffuel
,andtheend
wasjusttoohil
ari
ous.

Me:Nexti
sCane,andSni
per
…Ithinktheyaresel
f
expl
anat
ory
.Ican’
tsaymuchaboutthem..
.They
shoot
.
Andthenwehav eScar,he’
sscarybutprobabl
ythe
sweetestpersonever.Hestaysatthewarehouse,
deal
swi ththepaperandadmi nsideofthi
ngs.Heis
al
lbrains,withmyhelpobviousl
y.Cleani
ngthe
money ,that
’shi
sjob.Hepay severy
one.
Andy ouhavemetI ce;Idon’tli
kehimt hatmuch.He
fr
eaksmeoutr eal
lybuthei sKhenan’sfavourit
e.He
doesjustaboutany t
hingKhenant el
lshimt odo, and
hedoesitwell.Hewor ksthemostoutofev er
yone
el
se,theycallhi
mi cebecausehef reezeshi svi
ctims
orsomescar yshitli
kethat.Hedoesn’ tatt
endmost
ofthemeetingsbecauseKhenanhi reshimf orside
j
obs.Hecant ractdownany oneanywher e,heisthe
ul
ti
mat egot oguy.Heismul tiski
l
ledandcando
mostoft heworktheot herguyscando,butIthi
nk
heisil
li
terat
e.Helikestojokeandplayaround,hei
s
onl
y20y ear
sold,
It hi
nkhehadamessedup
chi
ldhood.Butheisagoodki d.
Thando:
We’
l
lyouar
eaki
dtooi
nthatcase.
Ilaughed,“Iwasgetti
ngtome,”sher oll
edheeyes.I
putupt henextimageandi twasaphot oofme.
“Andt hi
sisKeenanandhegoesbyt henameof
hotness.Skil
l…”Thandostoodupandwal kedout
ontot hepati
o,andli
tacigaret
te.If
ollowedher
outside,“
heythat’
srude.
”
Thando:
ComeonKeenan,
Iknowy
ou.
Me:
Tel
lme.
Thando: Smartcoll
egedr opout,br
othertot heboss.
Doal ltheITforthet eam andprobablyany
fr
audul entdocument sshouldtherebeaneed.You
arenev eratthemeet i
ngsbecausey ou’r
einJhband
youpr obablySky pethem becauseyou’refullof
yourself.Ohandbecausey ou’r
escar edofIce.No
cri
mi nalrecord,whichy oucoul
dhav egot t
enerased
becausey ouaret
hatgood.Youhaveeyes
everywhereandknoweveryt
hing,
evenwhenpeopl
e
don’ttel
lyou.Howam Idoi
ng?
Me:
Ithi
nky
ou’
rebei
ngmean.
Thando:
Justl
i
key
ourl
i
ttl
ejai
lcomment
?

Shepul
l
edonherci
garett
e,“I
’
m headi
ngoutqui
ck.
”I
wal
kedawayandl
eftherther
e.

*
***
***
***
***
***
**Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Keenanlef
t,It
houghthewasact ingli
kesuchagirl
.I
wasn’tmeanatall;well
hedeservesitaft
erthe
commentaboutt hekidnappi
ng.Iwasi nadarkpl
ace
anditwasnotfairofhimtobringitup.Ical
l
edDumi,
“hel
l
omyangel .”
Me:
Daddy
,howar
eyou?
Hi
m:Goodbaby
,what
’sup?How’
sKhenandoi
ng?
Me:
Hei
sget
ti
ngbet
ter
,andt
heswel
l
inghasgone
downbutnot
hingdr
ast
ic.Li
stenIneedy
ouradv
ice.
Hi
m:Al
ri
ght
,shoot
.
Me:
Notov
ert
hephone,
Ineedt
oseey
oui
nper
son.
Hi
m:Tel
lmewhenandwher
e?

Acouplehour
slaterIwassitt
ingatadinerwit
hmy
daddr
inki
ngcoffee,It
oldhim ever
ythi
ngthatwas
goi
ngonandt hatIhadtakenoverforKhenanunt
il
heget
sbetter
.
Him:Babywhywoul
dyouputyourselfi
nsuch
danger
.Thi
sisn’
taj
okebabe.Peopledi
einthi
sli
ne
of‘
work’
Me: Andthat’
swhyIneedy ourhelp,Ican’
tdoiton
myown.Iknowt heguyswon’tli
kehav i
ngme
around,notonl
ybecauseIam femal ebutbecauseI
knownot hi
ngaboutthebusiness.AndhereIam
askingthebesti
nthebusiness,please.
Dumi
:Thandoyouareplayingwithfi
re,
youcan’t
j
umpinthi
sheadfi
rst.TheCubansar edangerous,
andt
heSerbi
ansdon’tfuckaround.I
fyou’
relooking
togettothetoplikey ourfi
ancéthenpeoplewill
wantyoudead.Youunder standthatthi
sisnota
gameoramov ie,iti
sr eall
if
e.Onewr ongmov eand
you’
redead.Doy ouev enknowhowt oshootagun?
Haveyouev erseendr ugsorev enagunf ort
hat
matter
?Doy ouknowhowmuchaki l
ocosts?How
tocl
eanthemoney ?
Me:
No,
butt
het
eam doesandt
heywi
l
lhel
pme.
Dumi:I
ftheteam knowseveryt
hingwhywouldthey
needsuper
visi
on?Ar et
heyfucki
ngtoddl
ers?Come
onThando,t
hinkaboutit
.
Me:DadIneedy
ourhel
p.Ineedt
odot
hisf
or
Khenan.

Dumiletoutasi
gh,“
onemonthnot
hingmor eand
yourmom doesn’
tgett
oknowaboutthi
s.”
Me:
Thanky
ou!Thanky
ou!
Dumi
:Whatdoy
ouknow?
Me:
Onl
ythet
eam.
Dumi
:Whatar
eyougoi
ngt
odoabouty
our
busi
nesses?WhataboutChoppedandthatf
unny
hel
lchefthi
ngandKhenan’
sbusinessesont
opofit
?
Me:
I’
ll
handl
eit
.Don’
twor
ryaboutme.
Dumi
:I’
m hungr
yandy
ou’
repay
ing.

Wehadl unchandwesepar ated, Iwentt ovisitmy

manandhewasst i
l
lthesame.Iwasdr eadinggoing
home, IknewKeenanwaspr obabl ystill
madatme.I
wenthomeandhewasn’ tt here,Icookedani cemeal
forusandsetupt het ableandpour edchampagne
whileIwai tedforhimt ocomehome.Luckyf ormeI
didn’twai tforlong,hewal kedi ntothedoor ,“hey
you.”Hedi dn’trespond, hewenti ntot hekit
chenand
openedt hef ri
dge.Ilookedathi m, “
dinnerisont he
table,j
ustcomesi tdownIwantt ot al
ktoy ou.”
Ther ewasnot hingtoeati nthef ridgesoIknewhe
woul dn’thav eanyot heropt i
on.Hegotabeerand
camet osi tdown, Idishedupf ort hebot hofusandI
satdown.

Me:
NowIknowourmor
ningsessi
onendedup
horr
ibl
y,webothsai
dthi
ngsweshoul dn’
thavesai
d.
Ithi
nkit
’sbestweputi
tbehi
ndusandmov eonif
we’r
egoingtobeworki
ngtogether
.I’
m sorr
y,andI
hopeyouforgi
vemeandIwillmakesur ei
tdoesn’
t
happenagain.
Hi
m:I
t’
scool
,I
’m sor
ryt
oo.
Me:
Wowr
eal
l
y,Icookandgetacool
?
Hi
m:I
’
llt
eachy
ouhowt
oshoot
.
Me:
Deal
.

Wesatandhet ol
dmeaboutt hebusiness, t
he
supplier
sandwhot heyweredist
ri
butingto.Het ol
d
meaboutt heweeklymeetingsatthewar ehouseand
basicall
yever
ythi
ngIneededtoknow, “youneeda
notepad? ”
Me:
Ha,
youhav
ejokesdon’
tyou?
Wel
aughedi
tof
fandgotbackt
owor
k.

I
twast
woweeksunt
ilChr
ist
masandIhadl
ear
nt
everythingIneededt oabouttheor gani sation.Ihad
mynot esandIwasmeet ingwi ththegangf orthe
fi
rsttimei ntwoday sti
me.Dumi sani hadt aughtme
alot,iev enknewhowt oshootagun, may benot
perfectlybutiwasgoodf oranamat eur .Not hinghad
changedwi thKhenan, hewasst il
llyingt her einhis
hospital bedinthecoma, andt heswel l
ingwasgoi ng
downatanext remelyslowr ate.Ihadmetupwi t
h
Gordonandwef i
nali
sedev erythingandwewoul d
starti
n18mont hs,iwasduet ost artchoppedi n
Junenexty ear.Restaurantswer er unni nggr eatand
sower ethehot el
s,ihadmyweekl yst at usmeet i
ngs
withthemanager sv iaSkype.Anddoi ngi tmyway
wassav ingmeal otoftime,insteadofat tending12
diff
erentmeet ings,throughoutt heweekand
tr
av el
li
ngi t
ackledthem allinonedayi nt hecomf ort
ofmyhome.Sot henextt woday si hadf r
ee, icall
ed
Mbal itohav elunch,“Heyst r
anger .”
Me:
Don’
tmakemef
eel
badnow.
Mbal
i
:Wel
lit
houghty
ouf
oundanewbestf
ri
end?
Me:
Wel
lmay
bei
hav
e
Mbal
i
:Ouch,
thathur
t.
Me:maybeifyouhadletmefini
sh,y
ouknowyouare
notmybestf
ri
endbutalsomysister
.Sopl
easedon’
t
comehereacti
ngfreshforme.
Mbal
i
:Ij
ustf
eel
negl
ect
ed,
imi
ssy
ou.
Me:That
’swhyi
’mt
aki
ngy
ououtt
olunch.Pi
cka
pl
ace,mytr
eat
.
Mbal
i
:Ok,
i’
ll
smsy
out
hedet
ail
s.
Me:
Alr
ight
,seey
oul
ater
Mbal
i
:Ok,
mwa.

Shecutthecal
landi
cal
ledSpha,“MissNot
hando
Khumalo,t
owhatdoiowethepleasure?
”
Me:
Don’
ttel
lmey
out
oo?
Spha:
Met
oowhat
?
Me:Mbaliwasjustcompl
aini
ngt
hati
hav
ebeen
negl
ect
ingher.
.
Hi
m:Wel
l
...
.
Me:
Ohshutup,
whatar
eyoudoi
ngt
oni
ght
?
Hi
m:Not
hing,
what
’sup?
Me:
Wantt
odosupperanddr
inks?
Hi
m:Soundsgood,
wher
e?
Me:
Icookandy
oubr
ingdr
inks.
Hi
m:Sonotf
air
.
Me:Youknowi don’
tjusteatanywher
eri
ght
?And
youknowifwegoouty ou’repayi
ngandt
hatbi
l
l
won’
tbecheap.Sopicky ourbic?
Hi
m:Fi
ne,
whatshoul
dibr
ing?
Me:You’
reMrWiner
ight,soi
’
m goingtomakeaf
ish
st
art
erandabeefmain,
sodoy ourthi
ng.
Hi
m:Hehe,
MrWi
nenow?
Me:
Pleasedon’
tev
endenyi
t,andKeenanwi
l
lbe
t
her
etoo.
Hi
m:Keenan,
theoney
oumademegeti
nfoon?
Me:
Yip,
sameone.
Hi
m:Andwhywi
l
lhebet
her
e?
Me:Becausehei
skhenan’
sbr
otherandhei
s
st
ayi
ngatthehouse?
Him:Soyouwantmet
ocomet
oKhenan’
shouse
andgetshot
?
Me:Hedoesn’
tknowhowt
oshoot
,letal
onehol
da
gun.

Keenanshout edfor
mt helounge,“
Ihear
dthat,t
ell
thatfuckeriwantabottl
eofscotch.Macal
lan
Lali
queCr yst
alDecant
er..
.55years!
!”
Me:
Hesai
dhewant
sabot
tl
e-
Spha:Ihear
dwhathesaid,andi’
m notget
ti
nghima
12thousandbott
leofscot
ch.Ihaveiti
nmystash
butheisn’
tget
ti
ngit.Whatdoesheknowabout
scot
ch?
Me:What
everdude,i
’
llseeyouat7pm.Pl
easedon’
t
dr
essup,
anddon’tcomei nuni
for
m.
Hi
m:Inev
erdr
essup,
whaty
oum-
Me:
Got
stogo.
..l
ater
[
11/
23,
17:
15]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode63

Icutthecallonhim andwentt ogetreadyformy

l
unchdat e.Imetupwi t
hMbal i
andwehadl unchat
aseafoodr est
aurant.Goshshehadgai nedwei ght
anditseemedl i
kefor eversi
nceihadseenher .

Mbal
i
:Youknowi
thoughty
ouwer
eangr
yatme.
Me:
Comeonbabe,
why
?
Mbal
i
:Becauseoft
hepr
egnancyt
hing.
Me: Wel
lIwasj eal
ousatfi
rst,
andIthinkIwenta
l
it
tlebi
tcrazy.ButbabyIwouldneverbemad.I’m so
happyforyouandIcan’twaittomeethim.
Mbal
i
:Thanky
oubabe.
Me:
Sohow’
sthenur
ser
ylooki
ng?
Mbali
:Ohmywor d,l
ikeIwantt
omoveint here.The
fur
nit
ureisgorgeous.MduandIonl
ypaidf orthe
pai
ntersandthat’
sit,l
i
kenothi
ngi
smissing.
Me:
That
’sgr
eat
,I’
m gl
ady
oul
ovei
t.
Mbali:
Butbabe,i
t’
stoomuch.It
’sal
mostaquar
ter
ofami l
li
onRandsworthofst
uff
.CanInotev
enpay
forhal
f?
Me: Itwasallf
unwhenyouwerehelpi
ngmecl
ick
“addt obasket
”andnowyou’
refeel
i
nggui
lt
y?Gir
l
please.
Mbali:
Itactuall
ywasfunaddingeveryt
hing,
butIjust
feel
bad.I’m suret
hehospit
albil
l
sar ehi
ghandy ou
havetomai ntai
nallt
hehousesony ourown,you
needextracash.
Me:Nope,Khenanispayi
ngforal
lthat
.Hecandeal
wit
hbeingbankruptwhenhedeci
destowakeup,i
f
heeverdeci
desto.
Mbali
:Hay
imanNot
hando,
howcany
ousaysucha
t
hing?
Me: Thi
swhol ethi
ngisjustfr
ust
rat
ingfri
end.I’
m
horny;I
’m st
ressedbecauseIhavetotakeonhis
work.Youknowhewor kstwiceasmuchasmeandI
thoughtIwasabusybody ,
anddidImentionthatI
’
m
horny?
Mbali l
aughedoutl oud, “Hay i f
rienduy ahlany a.But
hewi l
l bef i
ne,andIt hinky ou’ r
edoi ngagr eatj obat
i
tactual ly.Anotherthing, i
tlooksl i
key ouhav ef ound
somet i
met ogot ot hegy m! !
”Ii gnoredt hat
commental t
ogether ,Iwaswor kingoutwi t
h
Dumi sani andKeenan, theydon’ tplay.AndnowI
underst andwhydaddoesn’ tseem t obeagi ng, it’sall
thatgy m shit.AsforKeenanhei sa20y earol d, and
rel
atedt oKhenan. ..soIunder standt hatthe
muscl esandt hebodydef initelyruni nthef ami ly,
evenTar eck.It
’ssowei rdhowIcat chmy selfst aring
athim becausehel ookssomuchl ikemyKenny !
!I
l
aughedt omy sel
fjustt hinkinghowmuchKhenan
hatesitwhenIcal lhi mt hat.
Mbali
:Thando.
..
.hel
l
o,ear
tht
oThando.Wher
ear
e
you?
Me:Gosh,
sor
rybabeI
’
mjustt
hinki
ngabouthi
m,I
mi
sshim.
Mbali:Hewi
l
lbebackbabe,
don’
tstr
esstoomuch.
You’v
ebeendoi
nggreat
.Maybeyoushouldpayhi
m
avisi
t.
Me:
Ithi
nki
’
lldot
hataf
terl
unch.

Wef i
nishedupl unchandIheadedf orthehospi
tal
,I
wentinsideandspoket oKhenanforalit
tl
ewhil
e
andthenheadedhome.IpassedbyWool wor
thsand
boughtthethingsi neededforsupperandwent
home.
Keenanhel pedmeunl oadt hecar ,
“ar
ewehav i
nga
specialguestov er?”Nxt hisboyi sfullofshit,“
well
ofcour se,sinceKhenandeci dedt ogethi mselfi
nto
acomaIt houghtI ’
df i
ndar eplacementf orjusti
n
case.”Hel ookedatmeshockedandIwal kedinsi
de
andlefthim st andingt herewi thhismout hopen.I
wentt othef ridgeandgotaBer ni
ni,t
hiswasmynew
favouri
tedr ink,andIwentout sideandsmokedwhi l
e
Keenanbr oughti nther estoft hegroceries.He
cameout sideandst oodwi thhi shandsonhi swaist
,
“yazindizamxel elauBhut iukubawenzant oniendli
ni
yakhe.”
Il
ookedathim anddi
dn’
trespond,
“yandi
vaukuba
ndi
thi
nikuwe?”
Ibur
stoutl
aughi
ng,
“Ohhoneyy
oust
art
ed.
”
Hi
m:Uhl
ekant
oni
kengoku.
Me:Andit
hinguweondi
qal
i
le,
undi
buzai
mibuzo
ephambeneyo?
Hi
m:Hay
iSi
si
,sudl
alangol
uhl
obo.I
t’
snotf
unny
.

Hewal kedawayandIl aughedt omy selfanddr ank

mydr i
nk.Iwenti nsideandst artedwi t
hsupper .Idid
mypr epandputmybeefwel lingtonint heov enwith
thev eget ablesandwentupst airstochange.Iwor ea
pairofbl ackj eansandasl eev elessturtleneckal so
black.Ti edmywethai ri
namessybunandwent
downst airsbaref oot,Keenanwassi t
ti
ngi nt hestil
l
l
ooki nggr umpy .Iwenti ntotheki tchenandt ookout
thechampagnegl assesandt hensett het able.
Keenanwal kedi ntot heki
tchenandsatont hebar
stool,“SisThando. ”
Me:
Yessweet
ie.
Hi
m: Wi
lly
ougobackt
oSphai
fBhut
idoesn’
tmake
i
toutal
i
ve?
Ii
mmediatel
ystoppedwhatIwasdoingandlooked
athi
m,“whatdidyoujustsay
?”hedi
dn’
trepl
yandhe
j
ustl
ookeddownathi shands,“
whywouldyouask
mesuchrubbish?
”
Hi
m:Well
,thi
ngi sIl
ikeither
e,andi
fhei
sn’
tar
ound
t
henwhowi l
ltakecareofme?
Me: Hayi
,don’tt
alkli
kethat
.I’
m her
e,soyoudon’
t
havetowor r
yaboutKhenan,heisafight
erandhe
willmakeitoutofthi
s.Don’
tletmehearyoutal
ki
ng
thatnonsenseinmyhouse!!
Him:I
’mjustscar
ed,
Idon’
thav
eanyf
ami
l
y.Kal
i
sa
andTareckhateme.
Me:
SoI
’
m noty
ourf
ami
l
y?Boygety
ourassher
e.

HewalkedovertomeandIl ookedupathi m,“You

ar
esuchacr ybabyli
keyourbrother!Nowlist
ento
mebecauseIwi l
lonl
ysaythisonce, Il
oveyour
br
otherwit
hallofmyheart.Thereisnomani nthi
s
worl
dthatcaneverrepl
acehim,youhearme? ”He
nodded,
“nowyouarenotgoingany
where,i
fyouare
Khenan’
sfamil
ythenyouaremyfamil
ytoo.Soyou
wil
lal
wayshaveaplacehere,y
ouunder
stand?”he
nodded,
Igavehim ahugandhehuggedmeback.
Me:Nowgot akeashowerbef
oreourguestgets
her
e,andyoubestbeonyourbestbehav
iourorel
se
I
’l
lki
ckyoursmartassout
!!

Hel aughedandwentupt ohisroom.Hewasback

downshor tl
y,Iswearheonl ychangedhisshir
tand
hespr ayedonagener ousamountofcol ogne.Mxm I
i
gnor edhi m andgavehim abeer .Sphaarr
ivedand
wedr ankchampagnei nt heloungeandIwentto
sortoutt hestart
erandl eftt
hem tal
kingandIcoul
d
heart hem fr
om thekitchen.
Keenanwasgri
ll
i
ngSphaabouthisscot
chandSpha
wasdefendi
nghimsel
f.Gosht
heyweresuch
chi
ldr
en,
Spha:
First
lyi
fitwasn’
tformyr
esear
chy
ouwoul
dn’
t
behere.
Keenan:
Arey
ousur
eaboutt
hat
?Ihav
emyway
sof
conv
inci
ngpeopl
e.Thandowoul
dhav
ebel
i
evedme.
Spha:
Wellt
hat
’si
fyouevenmadeither
e;Ican
makepeopl
edi
sappearwit
hjustapr
essofabutt
on.
Keenan:Youdon’
tscar
eme;I
’m aDeCost
asokeep
yourthr
eatsf
orsomeonewhocares.

Icouldn’tt
akei
tanymore,“getyourassestothe
dini
ngr oom,I
’mjustabouttoservethestar
ters.
”
Spha:
Comi
ng.
Keenan:
Justasecond.

Sphawasseat edatthetableandIplacedbot hof

thei
rstarter
sandwentt ogetmi ne.Keenansat
downj ustasIcamei nwi t
hmyst art
erandt hewhite
wine.Hehadanaught ylookonhisface, “
justone
cli
ckofabut t
onri
ght?”hesneeredatSpha, whose
phonebeeped.Het ooki
toutandr eadthemessage.
Hegotupf rom hi
sseatandKeenanwasl aughing
hyster
icall
y.Sphachargedathim, “
Iwillki
llyou.
”
Me:
Sphasi
tyourassdown!
Sphastoppedinhi
stracksandlookedatme, “
but
Than-
”Ilookedathi
m andshrugged,“butwhat?”
Spha:
Hej
ustt
ook180kf
rom myaccount
.
Me:
Keenan?
Keenan:I
t’
sforthescot
ch,
plushehaswaymore
thanthat
.That
’sadropint
heoceanfory
ou,
right
Spha?

Sphasatbackdowni nhi sseatandpret

endedto
shootKeenanwithhisfingers.Wesatdownandate,
theysoongotoverthemoneyandweenj oyedour
meal wi
thli
ghtconversati
onunt i
lTar
eck’
sname
cameup.
Spha:Shi
t,t
hatj
ustr
emindsme.Ididal
it
tl
ebitmor
e
di
ggingonwhyhewantedyoustuckint
hatcr
azy
house.
Isatupimmedi
atel
yandl
ookedathi
m,Keenanwas
alsonowal
ert
.
Spha:Her
e’sthethi
ng,Tar
eckfeel
sheshoul
dbe
headi
ngupt hebusi
nessseei
ngthathei
solderand
hasbeendoi
ngt
hisal
otl
ongert
hanKhenan.
Keenan:
Tel
lussomet
hingwedon’
tknow.
Spha:Well
,CoonhasTar eck’
sbabygir
l.Wellshe
i
sn’tababybecauseshei s21,hehasherhookedon
drugsandsheishis‘
personalgir
l’
Me:
Tar
eckhasadaught
er?
Spha:Yeah,themotherwasshotwhent
hey
abductedherinCancunonholi
dayandt
hatwas
aboutay earago.

IwasshockedatwhatIwashear
ing,
“butwhatdoes
thathav
etodowithme?”Keenanwassoconfused
andhelookedf
uri
ous.
[
11/
23,
17:
15]Ly
nne:
Ican'
tst
oppost
ing

Epi
sode64

Spha:
Well,
TareckandKali
saar
etheonl
yoneswho
knowabouthi
sdaughterandwher
eshei
s.So
Tareckandhi smot herconv i
ncedKhenant ot ake
downCoonsot hatKhenanwoul dbeki ng.Now,
Tareckdi dn’tt
elltherealreasonast owhyhe
wantedt ot akedownCoon.Atonest ageKhenan
real
lywant edt oleavethegamebutTar eckst opped
him andt hatwasaf t
erthekidnappi ng.Khenanwas
nowwor kingtowar dsbeingki ng,butKhenansoon
becamesuspi ciousofTar eckandt henhebr ought
yourfather sonboar dandl eftTareckinthedar k.
WiththisTar eckhadt otakeKhenanout ,becausehe
wouldt henbenexti nli
neandt akeCoonoutwi th
Khenan’ sarmy .SoYouwer et ostayinthemad
houseandKhenanwasgoi ngt obeki l
l
edi nhis
hospitalbedandt henTareckwoul dexecut ehisplan
successf ull
y.

Isatt
her
ejustshocked,
whatt
hef
uck,
“andKal
i
sa?
”
Keenan:Kal
i
saisabi t
ch;
shekeptTar
eckand
Khensani
’sr
elat
ionshi
pasecr
etandkickedmet
o
thecurb.
Spha:
Sot
heywer
einar
elat
ionshi
pbef
oreand
Khenanknew?
Keenan:Hepr et
endednottoknowjustf
orpeace
sacks.Buthowt hefuckdi
dImissthi
s?HowdidI
notknowt hatTareckhadadaught
er?Shi
t.

Keenangotupandwentt of etchhislaptop,“
sowhat
i
shi splannow? ”IaskedSpha.Hej ustshrugged,
“he’
sbeenof fthegr i
df orqui tesomet i
me, and
may behewi ll
dot hissolo.”Iletoutasi ghand
l
ookedatKeenan, “doy out hinkwecanhel phim?”
hewasaboutt ostarttalki
ngbef or
eSphaasked,
“Thandowhatar ey ouupt onow?Youknowy ou
can’tgettangl
edwi ththisshi t,t
hesepeopl eare
dangerous.”
Me:
Buty
ouar
einv
olv
edandy
ou’
rest
il
lal
i
ve.
Spha:It
’sdi
ff
erentf
orme;I
’m ontheopposi
tesi
de.I
am thelawenfor
cementi
nthi
sf i
eld.

Idi
dn’tknowwhathemeantbyt
hatandIdidn’
tcar
e.
Igotupandtookthedi
shest
otheki
tchenand
ri
nsedev erythingandputi ti
nthedi shwasher .Iset
updesser tinthel oungeanddr i
nksandcal l
edt hem
through,theywal kedi n.Wechi l
ledf orabitplaying
cardsanddr inkingunt i
li
twas23h00andSphal eft.I
cleanedupev eryt
hi ng,“wewil
l discussthisinthe
mor ni
ngI’
mt oot ired.Getwhat everinformationy ou
cangetandIwantaf ul
lrepor
tint hemor ning.”I
wal keduphal fwayupt hestai
rs,“makesur eallthe
door sarelookedbef oreyousleep, that
’sifyou’l
l
sleep.Goodni ght!
”hecal l
edbackatme, “
wi l
ldo,
goodni ghtsis.”Igoti ntobedandIpassedout .

Iwokeupt henextmor ni
ngandKeenanwasn’ t
anywher etobeseen, imadebr eakfastandtri
ed
call
inghi m.Hedidn’tansweri l
efthim amessageon
thefridge.Iwentbackupst ai
rs,showeredandgot
dressed.Iwor eashor tyel
lowsummerdr essandfli
p
-fl
opsandt i
edmyhai rinabunt henheadedout ;i
gotintot heconvert
ibl
eBMW4.I twasbl azi
ng
outside,droppedthetopandputonmysungl asses
anddr ov eoff
.Iwenttot hemallanddidsome
shoppi ng.Tomorrowwasmymeet ingwi t
hthegang
soIhadt oshowt hem whoisboss.Iboughta
couplepantsuits,andskir
tsandshi r
tsallblack.I
boughtsomej eansandt ees,sneakersandobv iousl
y
someki l
lerheel
s, bytheti
meIwasdoneIwas
exhausted.Idon’tknowwhyIdi dallofthis,to
i
mpr esssomet hugs, Il
aughedtomy self.Iput
everyt
hinginthecarandwentbacki nsi
deandwent
toTheGr eekFisherman, t
hewaitressautomat icall
y
recogni
sedmeandshehadahugegr i
nonherf ace,
“Chefhowar eyou? ”
Me:
I’
m gr
eatdear
,your
sel
f?
Her
:Good,
tabl
eforone?
Me:
Yespl
ease,
smoki
ngar
ea.

Sheledmet omyt ableandshehandedmeamenu,

“anythi
ngtodr i
nk?”Iquicklyskimmedt hroughthe
cocktai
lmenuandopt edf ortheginmoj i
to.It
ook
outmyl aptopandst art
edwor ki
ng,mydrinkcame
andIwor kedsomemor e.WhenIl ookedupIsaw
Keenanwal kinginwithsomewoman, Itr
iedtocal
l
him andhel ookedathisphoneandputi tbackinhis
pocket
.
Thisboywasn’ tserioushewasi gnor i
ngmebecause
heiswi t
hagi rl
?Thewai tresscamet ot akemyor der
,
Ididn’
torderjustyet,“cany oudomeaf av our
? ”she
l
ookedatmequi zzically,“I
’l
lmakei twor t
hy our
while,
Iopenedmywal letandt heonlycashIhad
wasR600andhandedi ttoher ,“
whatcanIdof or
youchef.”Good, shewaseasy ,“
youseet hattable
overthere?Thesmal lguywi ththegirl,he’sina
whitevneckandbl uejeansandt hegi r
l inthel i
me
dress?”Shenodded, “
Nowy ougoingt ogoupt o
them andtell
him hei sMr .Decosta’sbr otherand
therei
saspeci altablef orthefamilyandl eadt hem
tome, canyoudot hat?”
Her
:Sur
ethi
ng.
Me:
Thanks,
andIneedanot
heroneoft
hese.

Shewalkedawayandi iwatchedherapproacht he
tabl
eandspeaktothem, Keenanhadahugegr inon
hisf
ace.Ican’
tbel
iev
eMrSmar t
yPantsfellforit
.
Thewaitr
esswalkedthem ov ert
ome, “
Hi,please
t
akeaseat .”Wi
thalitt
lesmirkonmyf ace,
and
wi
nkedatt hewait
ress.“ser
iousl
yThando,whati
s
t
his?”Ist
oppedsmi l
ingandst r
aight
enedmyface,
“
Sitdown.”

Heopenedthechai
rforthegir
l,andhesatdown.
Theywerebothsi
tt
ingacrossmeandIl ookedatthe
gir
landst
ret
chedoutmyar m,“I’
m Thando.”She
seemedshy;shest
retchedoutherarm andshook
mine,“
Abebi
.”
Me:
Nicename.I
gbor
ight
?
Her
:Yes.
Me:
Andhowmanybr
other
sbef
orey
ou?
Shel aughed,“
Seven.
”Ismi l
ed,“wellthenamef i
ts.
”I
turnedtoKeenan,“Wena,iphii
nkingay akho?
”He
l
ookedatmel ikehedi
dn’tknowwhatIwast alki
ng
about ,“
Iwokeupandy ouwer en’tthere,andyou
aren’tansweri
ngmycal l
s.”Abebi l
ookedatme
shockedandl ookathim wit
hdi sappointment,I
i
mmedi atel
ytookmyattenti
onofhi mt oher.
Me:
Ohnodear
,nope.Notl
i
ket
hat
.
Keenan:
Thandol
ookwhaty
ouhav
edone.
Me:
Abebi
,hei
smyf
iancésbr
other
.Not
hingmor
e.

Ishower edherther i
ngandsher elaxedabit,
waitresscamebackwi t
hmydr i
nkandt hedrinks
theyhador deredatt heothert
able.Shewashav i
ng
abeer ,Ilikeheralready.Wespokeaboutt hegirl,
andKeenanj ustkeptqui etmostoft heti
me.We
orderedf oodandwhenwewer edoneeat i
ngIlita
cigarette,Abebilookedatmesmoki ng,Ioff
eredher
acigar ettebutshepul l
edapackoutofherbagand
l
ititup.
Me:
Sowhati
sity
oudo?
Her
:aj
uni
ordoct
oratMel
omed.
Me:
Aren’
tyout
ooy
oungf
ort
hat
?
Her:
(giggle)If
ini
shedschool
veryearl
yandwas
shi
ppedt ostudyi
nCubaandI ’
veonlybeenher
efor
2years.
Me:
That
’sni
ce,
andhowdi
dyoumeett
hisi
diot
?
Keenan:
Thando,
toomuchnow.
Me:Ok,f
orgetIsai
dany
thing.I
’l
ll
eaveyouguyst
oit.
Makesureyou’
rehomeby6t oni
ghtwehav et
o
di
scusstomorr
ow’smeeti
ngandf i
nishl
astni
ght
’s
di
scussi
on.
Keenan:
Yesma’
am
Me:Abebi
Iwaswonderf
ulmeeti
ngyou.Ihope
Keenanwi
lli
nvi
tey
outothehousesoon.
Shebl
ushedandlookeddown,Ipackedmyst
uffand
st
oodup,“set
tl
ethi
sbil
landdon’tfor
gett
oti
p
ni
cel
y.
”
Hi
m: Youst
uffy
ourf
aceandexpectmet
opay
..
.you
f
ull
ofshity
ouknow!
!

Iignoredhim andwal kedaway .Iwentpassthe

restaurantsandonecl ubonmywayhomej ustso
thattheyseet hatI’
m stil
lwatchi
ngthem.Everythi
ng
wasst il
linorderandIwenthome.Iwast ir
ed,Igota
beerf r
om thef r
idgeandf l
oppedont hecouchand
fellasl
eepwi t
hin30mi nut
es
Iwasstartl
edbysomeoneshaki ngme,itwas
Keenan.Isatpandlookedatt het
imeitwas17H30I
guessthatIwasthatti
red.Isatupandlookedat
hi
m, “
doy ouhavetobeadi ckallt
heti
meThando? ”I
wasstartl
ed,“
whatdidIdo? ”
Hi
m:Backatt
her
est
aur
ant
,obv
iousl
y!
!

Hewasf umingandIdi
dn’
tunder
standwhysoIj
ust
shr
ugged,“whatdi
dIdowrong?”
Him:Whycoul
dn’
tyoujustletmeenjoymytimewit
h
Abebiandy
oucanpull
y ourfunnyst
untsbackhome?
Me: Icoul
dn’tgetaholdofyouall
morning;t
heleast
youcouldhav edoneisanswerandtel
lmet hatyou
arebusy.Icall
edyouwheny ouwalkedintothe
rest
aurant,
andsamet hi
ng.Sothi
sisal
l onyou!
!
Hi
m:Your
uinedmydat
e.
Me:
Agai
n,al
lony
ou.
Hi
m:Ir
eal
l
yli
ket
hisgi
rl
!
Me:Il
ikehert
oo…nowgetmeabeerwehav
eshi
tto
t
alkabout
.

Igotupfrom thecouchendi ngt hisconversati

onand
wentoutsideforacigarette,hecameoutwi thmy
beer,
“theleastyoucandoi scookf ormet omake
upforwhaty oudid.”Ir
olledmyey esathim and
tookmybeer ,“somethi
ngqui ck,andnothi
ngf ancy
.
GodefrostthechickenI’l
lber ightther
e.”

Wewer ei
nthekitchencooki
ng,
andwewer
e
di
scussi
ngTareck.
Me:
Hav
eyout
rackedhi
m?
Keenan:
Nope,
it’
sli
kehej
ustdi
sappear
ed.
Me:Iwast
hinki
ng,Coonhashi
sdaught
erandmy
f
ather
.Wecanjoinfor
cesandhav
ehim wor
kforme.
Keenan:
Themantr
iedt
okeepy
oui
nthel
oonybi
n
andyouwantt
ohel
phim?
Me:Li
stentothi
s,Tareckwant
edusoutofthe
pi
ctur
ejustsothathecangettoCoonandgetback
hi
sdaughter
.Hedoesn’thavethemanpowerbutI
doandIwantmyfatherback.Idon’
tthi
nkDumi
sani
hadther
ightt
osacr
ifi
cemydadandIwanthi m
back!
Keenan:
You’
retheboss,
butyouwi
ll
needmor
emen
togoaft
erCoon.Andtogett
oCoon-
Me:Ineedt ogot hroughSpider,
Igeti
t.Ineedyouto
fi
ndhimf orme.Tomor rowisthemeeting,I
’m
pl
anningonj ustsit
tingbackandwatchingy ouguy
s
work.Thenimpl ementchangesnextyear .
Keenan:
Theseboy
sar
en’
tgoodwi
thchange.
Me:Thent
heywi
l
lneedt
ofi
ndanewbosst
owor
k
under
.

Hejustshr
uggedl
ookingatmeasifIwascrazy.I
madesupperandwet al
kedmoreunti
lIwentto
sl
eep.Nextmorni
ngwasupandear l
y,wentt
ot he
gym andwentbytoseeKhenanatt
hehospital
.
Me: I
’
m gett
ingt
ir
edoft
his;
Ireal
lyneedmyman
back!Baby
,comebackt
ome, Ineedyou;Ican’
tdo
thiswithoutyou.Ican’tspendanot herChr i
stmas
alone,andy ousaidy ouwoul dn’tletthathappen.My
parentsaregoingonacr ui se,Kal i
saisnott al
kingto
me, Tareckhasdisappear edof fthesur faceofthe
earthandy ouarej ustlyi
ngher e.Iguessi t’
sjustme
andKeenant hi
sy ear,unlesshel eavesmef orhis
girl
fr
iend.
[
11/
23,
17:
16]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode65

Il
ef ttogogetr eadyformymeet i
ngwiththeboys;I
didn’tknowwhatt owear .Isett
ledforbl
ackankle
grazertrouser
sandabl ackblousewithablack
pointyheel.It
iedmyhai rupi natight
,neatpony
tail
.
Iputonar edl
ipstickandmascar athenheaded
downst air
s.
Keenan:
Hel
l
obossl
ady
.
Me:
Mxm,
let
’sgetgoi
ngIdon’
twantt
obel
ate.
Keenan:
Howmuchcashy
ouhav
eony
ou?
Me:
TheR5000f
ort
hesecur
it
y.
Keenan:
Per
fect
.
Me:
Howwi
l
lheknowi
t’
sust
hough?
Hi
m:Bumperst
icker
!

Wegotintothecaranddroveoff.Att
hehar
borwe
pai
dandwenti nsi
de,Keenanparkedt
hecari
nfront
ofacontai
ner,
“wellgoodluck.
”
Me:
youar
en’
tcomi
ngwi
thme?
Him:Nope,Idon’
tdomeet
ingsr
emember
.Youhav
e
yourpi
ece?
Me:
DoIr
eal
l
yneedi
t;t
heywon’
thar
m mewi
l
lthey
.
Him:
Nope,butyoumightgetambushed.Isuggest
youj
ustt
akeitwit
hyou.

Itookthegunandputi tatthebackofmypant sand

walkedtothecontainer
;Iknocked.Twoscar yeyes
appearedandthent hedooropened.Isteppedi nand
theroom becamesilentthenoutofnowher e, “
hey
BossLady ,
yougood? ”IturnedanditwasIce,
Keenandidsayhel i
kestoj oke,
“Higuys,ar
ey ou
good?”theymumbl edbackagr eeti
ng,andt hen
wentsi
lent
.Thi
swasawkwar d,Istar
tedagai
n,“Guys
I
’mjusther
etoobservehowthingsworkandthem I
wil
lmakeimprovementwhereneedbenextyear.”I
pul
ledupachair
,“socont
inueasyouguy swere.
”

Smuggie:LikeIwassay i
ng,theshipmentcomesin
2daysti
meandt henweonl ygetthenextpr
oduct
aft
ernewy ears.Thedockswi l
lbebusy,soI
schedul
edf orthelastpi
ckupwhi chis4am.So
Chri
stmasmor ni
ngwepi ckup.
I
ce:
Chr
ist
mas?Mywi
fei
sgoi
ngt
oki
l
lme.
Smuggi
e:Nott
het
imef
orj
okes.Anyquest
ions?
Cane:
Igotaquest
ion.
Smuggi
e:Shoot
.
Iceletoutalaugh,
“haha,‘
shoot’goodone.”Ionly
caughtthejokelat
eandstartedgiggl
i
ng,butsoon
stoppedwhenSmuggi elookedatCane,“wellask.
”
Cane:
Wil
lBossLadybecomi
ngwi
thus?
Smuggi
e:Idon’
tthi
n-
Me:Yes,
Iwil
l.GuysIneedtol
ear
nandIcannot
l
ear
nanythi
ngsitt
ingathome.
Smuggi
e:I
t’
stoodanger
ous.
Cane:
Cany
oushoot
.
Me:
Notasgoodasy
out
hough.
Theyal
lchucked,
“butIwi
l
lbet
her
eendofst
ory
.”

Theytal
kedsomemor eaboutterr
it
oryandother
gangsandIli
stenedi
ntent
ly.Anhourandahalfl
ater
wewer emeeti
ngupandIwentt othecarandwe
droveoff
.OnthewayKeenankeptlookingatme,
“what?
”
Hi
m:Not
hing.
Me:
Thenst
opl
ooki
ngatmel
i
ket
hat
.
Hi
m:Howwasi
t?
Iturnedaroundandhewasexci ted,hewantedto
knowwhati twasbeingi
nt heroom wi t
hal
lthose
cri
mi nal
s.Ij
ustshr
ugged,“bor
ing.”Iwaslyi
ng
throughmyt eet
h,t
hethri
l
landt hefearofsomething
happeni
ng.Iwasscaredandexci
tedal
latone,
I
l
oveditandIcoul
dn’twai
tforChr
ist
masmor ni
ng.
Me:Ify
ouwantt
oknowsomuch,
thenwhydon’
tyou
j
ustcomei
n?
Hi
m:Idon’
tfi
tinwi
ththem,I’
m acomput erner
dand
t
heycandoall
thi
scoolstuf
fthatIcan’
tdo.
Me:What?Ibettheywouldlov
ey ourskil
l
,li
ket
hey
woul
dbenefitsomuchf r
om youbeinginthose
meet
ings.Nextti
mey ou’
recomingwi t
hme.
Hi
m:ButI
ce…
Me:
Icewon’
tdoany
thi
ngt
oyou…
Hi
m:Buthehat
esme.
Me:
Whywoul
dhehat
eyou?
Hi
m:Hej
ustl
ooksatmef
unny
.
Me: Hel
ooksatmef unnytoo…butIwasn’
taski
ng
you.We’
regoing.NowfindaMcDonald’st
hat’
s
opennow,I’
m star
ved.

Ispentt
henextdayv
isi
ti
ngmypar
ent
stheywer
e
l
eav ingt hatnightandIwentt oseeMbal ibecause
shewasspendi ngChr istmaswi thherf i
ancésf ami l
y.
Iwentt ocheckoutt her estaurant sandcal l
ed
Durbanandt her estaurant s.Ever ythingwasr unning
smoot hly,Iwasdoi ngagr eatjob.Igothomel ate
thatev ening,itwasar ound8pm andIwasf amished.
IknowKeenanhadn’ tcooked, orev enor dered;
bettery ethepr obabl ywasn’ tev enathome.Iwal ked
i
nandwentst raighttot heki tchenandf rozeatt he
door ,“uhm heyguy s,what ’
sgoi ngonher e?”Keenan
andAbebi werei ntheki tchencooki ng,wellshewas
cooki ngandhewasj ustwat chingherandt he
kit
chenwasf il
ledwi thl aught er.Theyt urnedt olook
atme, “HiSisi,uphili
le?”Keenansai dlooki
ngatme
worried.
Me:
I’
m al
ri
ght
,Abebi
howar
eyousweet
hear
t?
Abebi
:I’
m goodt
hanks,
your
sel
f?
Me:
I’
m good.
Iwal
kedovert
othef
ri
dge,
“smel
l
sgood,
whatar
e
youmaki
ng?
Abebi
:Beansandpl
ant
ainpot
tage.
Me:
Can’
twai
ttot
ast
e.I
’
llbei
nmyr
oom.
Itookabot tl
eofwat erandwentupst airs.Ididn’t
wanttobot hert hem becauseofwhatKeenanhad
saidearl
ier.Imustadmi tthough,heshoul dhav elet
meknow.Il etitgoandwentt otakeashower ,
changedi ntoal ongsil
kr obeandsatont hebed; I
hadtwoemai lst osendtoKhenan’ sclubmanager s.I
wasdr i
nkingt hewat er,
itwashect i
call
yhot .Iwent
outontot hebal conyandhadaci gar
ette.

Igotbacki nsideandst artedj ot

tingdownsome
i
deasaboutt he“KOr ganizat i
on”Il aughedt omy sel
f
becauset hatwassuchal amename.Iwor kedf or
about30mi nutesandt her ewasaknockatt hedoor ,
“comei n.”Keenanwal kedi nhol dingat rayoff ood,
thankGodIwasst ar
ving, “Icomebear inggifts.”I
smiledupathi m;heplacedt hetrayonmybedand
walkedt owardsthedoor , andcamei nwi t
habot tl
e
ofwi ne.Helookedatmeandwi nk, heknewi twas
myf avorit
e,“peaceoffering, I
’m sor ry
.”
Me:
Youdef
ini
tel
yar
e,whyt
hough?
Him:Youknow,
forbr
ingi
ngAbebi
her
ewi
thouty
our
permi
ssi
on.
Me:
Youshoul
dhav
easked,
butIdon’
tmi
nd.
Hi
m:Youshoul
dhav
eanswer
edy
ourphone.
[
11/
23,
17:
16]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode66

Iimmediat
elyr
ememberedthatIhadmyphoneon
sil
encewhenIwasworki
ng,Igotitfr
om mybagand
saw7mi ssedcal
lsf
rom hi
m.Ismi l
ed;"
I’
ll
for
giv
e
youunderonecondi
ti
on.
”
Him:Real
ly,
mygi r
lf
ri
endcooksforyouandIget
yourf
avori
tewineandther
earesti
ll
condit
ions?I
don’
tbeli
eveyouri
ghtnow.
Me:
Oh,
she’
syourgi
rl
fr
iend.
Hi
m:Shutup,
what
’st
hecondi
ti
on?
Me:Whyyouav oidi
ngthequesti
on,
getmei
cewhi
l
e
yout
hinkabouttheanswer,hehehe…
Helef
tmyr oom t
ogogetmei
ce,hecameback,
“
readytoanswerme,ha?
”Hel
ookedangr
y,“
don’
t
wantt
oheary
ouguy
s,Ihav
eanear
lymor
ning.
”
Hi
m: Whosai
dshei
sspendi
ngt
heni
ght
,youar
e
f
orward.

Hewal kedoutther oom leav i

ngmel aughingt o
my self.Iat
ethef oodandi twasdi vi
ne,anddr ank
thewi ne.Iworkedabi tmor eont heplanforthe
gangandgoti ntobedatar ound1am.Icoul dn’t
sleep,Iwasner vousaboutt hemor ningandIhadt o
meetupwi ththeguy sin2hour stime.Igotoutof
bed, becausethiswasami ndlessexercise.Ihada
cigaretteandthenwor kedont heplansomemor e,I
neededt oseehowt heguyswor kandt henwi l
ladd
toit.

Iwalkedtothecar ,
itwas2h30andheadedt othe
warehouse,Ihadnev erbeenher ebef
ore.Iwal
kedin
andfoundsomeoft heguy ssitt
inghavi
ngsome
whiskeyandplayingcards.Scarshowedmear ound
thewarehouse,andhi soff
ice,Ithi
nkheliv
eshere.
Welltherestoftheguy sarr
ivedandwegoti nt
o
separatecar s.Pet eandScarst ay edbehi nd,Icewent
withCane, Iwaswi t
hSmuggi eandSnake, weleft
thewar ehouseandheadedt othehar bor,everyone
hadear pieces.Snakewasdr ivi
ngandSmuggi ewas
sit
ti
ngi nt hepassengerandmeatt heback.I ce
droppedCaneof fatt hepointwher ehewoul dbe
watchingusf rom abov e.Wegott ot hehar bor10
minutesear l
yandwehadt owai t
,“see, t
hatis
Robert’
scr ewt heyareher eforthey ’
repickup.And
thatisKill
er ,
theyj ustfi
nishedup. ”Smuggi e
explai
nedt ome, “
Soweal lcan’tbei nthehar borat
thesamet i
me? ”Iaskedhi m.
Smuggi
e:No,t
oav oidanymi sunder
standi
ng.Too
manypeopl
ehaver obbedandt hei
rshitst
olen,so
nowyouhavetopickasl otandyouonlyhav e1hour.
I
fyouarei
nthereafteryourti
mei sup,possibi
l
ityof
bei
ngshoti
sbetween100%and250%.Youwi l
ldie.
Isatther
equietl
y,andasIwasdi gesti
ngwhatwas
tol
dtomeIgotaf ri
ghtwhent hesecuri
tyknocked
onourwi ndow.Snakerol
leddownt hewindowand
handedhim hismoneyandt henwemov edinand
drovetothefarendoftheharbor.Smuggiegotout
andspoketotheguystandingi
nfrontofagreen
contai
ner
,“Scar
,goahead.”Hespokeintot
he
earpi
ece.
Scar
:Done
Themanst andi ngwi thlookedathi m andnodded,
“l
et’sgoguy s.”Snakeswer v
edt hecarpar kingt he
bootf acingt hecont ainerandI cedi dthesamet hi
ng,
Smuggi egoti ntot hecarandt heboy sst arted
l
oadi ngt hecar s.Snakewor kingwi thaci gar et
tei n
hismout h,theywentupanddown, shi
tther ewasa
l
otofpr oduct .Theboy sfi
nishedpacki ngup, I
ce
walkedt ohi scarandgoti nSnakequi cklyfinished
hiscigar et
teandwal kedtot hecarandt henshot s
weref ir
ed, IsawSnake’ sbodyf allt
ot hegr ound,
“WHATTHEFUCKI SHAPPENI NGCANE? ”Smuggi e
screamed, Iopenedt hedoorandSnakewasl yingon
thegr oundandbl oodwascomi ngoutofhi s
abdomen.Idr aggedhi mi ntot hecar ,“
DRI VE! !
!”I
heardCanet alkthrought heear piece,"Smuggi ecan’t
dri
ve."Theshot swer ehitti
ngourcar ,fuckinghel l
,
“AREYOUFUCKI NGKI DDI NGME. ”Iroaredat
Smuggi e.Ij umpedi ntothef rontseatandr acedout
ofthere,Iwasshaki
ngbutallIwasthi
nkingi
sthatI
don’twanttodieandIcan’
thaveoneofmyguy sdi
e
onthef i
rstday
.IheardCaneagain,
“Petegetyour
boysherenow.Wehav e5deadbodies.
”
Pet
e:Copyt
hat
.

Itookmyphoneoutmypocketandgav eitt
o
Smuggie,“di
alKeenanandputitonspeaker.
”
Keenandidn’
tpickupatfi
rstandhepickedupthe
secondti
mesoundi ngsl
eepy,“WhatThando?”
Me:
IsAbebi
ther
e?
Hi
m:Yeah,
sup?
Me:
War
ehousebot
hofy
ounow!
Hi
m:Whatt
hef
uckhappened?
ME:
ISAI
DNOW!
!!
Hi
m:ok.

Smuggiecutt
hecall
,IwasnowonIce’
stai
landI
racedpasshi
m andtothewar
ehouse,
“GETHIM
INSI DENOW! !”Theygr abbedhi m andwal kedhi m
i
nsi de, Iclearedev erythingont het ableput ti
ngi ton
thef l
oor ,t
heyr ushedhi m andpl acedhi mt hereand
theyal lstoodback.Il ookedatt hem; “REALLY? ”get
met hef i
rstaidki t.Iranoutt omycarandopened
mybootandgott wobot tlesofWhi skeyandwent
backi nside.Igott oSnakeandhewasbar ely
breat hing, getmewat er ,Iopenedt hefir
stai dki tand
Idi dn’ tknowwher etost ar t,Iopenedt hebot tleand
tookasi pf r
om t hebot tl
eandgav eittohi m, he
drank.Iopenedt heot herbot tl
eandpour editont he
gunwound, hescr eamedout .Igott hescal pel and
cuthi m wher et hebul letwasst uckandmader oom
tot akei tout ,Igrabbedt weezer sandgr abbedt he
bul l
et , “
Fuckmeme! !Aaaaaaah! !"Hescr eamedout
l
oud, Ipul l
edt hebul l
etout .Ipour edmor ewhi skey
oni tandt ookasi p.Iputdet tol i
nt hewat erand
cleanedt hewoundwi thcot tonwool ;hewasst ill
bleedi ngbutnott oomuch.Idi dashi tt
yjobat
stitchi nghi m upt henhepassedout .AndIputa
bandageonhi m.Idr ankt hewhi skey ,
Ihadbl oodal l
ov ermyf aceandmycl othesev erywher e.Ifel tfora
pul seandnot hi
ng, “
AAAAAHFUCK! !
”Ithrewt he
bott
leacrossther
oom anditbrokeagai
nstthewall
andtearsstar
tedrol
l
ingdownmycheeks, Isatdown.
KeenanandAbebi walkedi
n,sheautomati
call
yran
tohim andKeenancamet ome, “
Thando,
what
happened.”
Me:
He’
sdead,
fuckIf
ail
ed!
!He’
sdeadbecauseof
me.
Abebi
:Weneedt
ogethi
mt oahospi
tal
,ri
ghtnow.
Heisl
osi
ngtoomuchbl
ood!

Il
ookedup,isheal
iv
e?Shenodded,
“Nohospi
tal
s.”
Scarsai
d,“
Wecan’ttakehi
mtoahospi
tal
.”
Abebi
:Thismadisgoi
ngt
odi
eifhedoesn’
tget
bl
oodrightnow!
I
ce:
Whatdoy
ouneed?
Abebitol
dhim every
thingheneeds,andheranout.
Sheundidthebandageandshookherheadatt he
st
it
ching.Sheputhergl ov
esonandshecleanedthe
woundandst i
tchedhim upagai
nandshebandaged
hi
m, hewasbleedingless.20minut
estopsIcewas
backwithever
ythi
ngAbebi
askedf
or,
“howdi
dyou
getthi
sstuf
f?”
I
ce:
Pleasej
usthel
pmyf
ri
end.
Abebi wor kedonSnakeandt henshewasdone, she
conf i
rmedhewasgoi ngt obeal ri
ght .Hej ustneeded
ant i
bioticsandI cewasgoi ngtogett hem, shewent
togocl eanupandKeenanwentwi t
hher .Pet ecame
backl ooki ngexhaust ed, “
isheal r
ight?”Smuggi e
nodded, Igrabbedt hewhi skyandci gar ettesf rom
mybagandwentout si de.Isatdownont hedi rt
y
groundandl itmyci gar ett
e, Il
eanedbackont hewal l
withmyhead.Thesunwasr i
sing,Iclosedmyey es
thinkingoft hismor ning’sev ent sandcont inuedt o
smoke, andI cedr ov ebacki nwhi l
eIwasst i
llsit
ting
thereandhej ustsqueezedmyshoul derandwal ked
backi n.If eltsomeonedr opnextt omegr abbi ngt he
bot t
lefrom me, Iopenedmyey esandi twasI ce,
“youdi dgoodBossLady .
”Wedi dn’tspeak; wej ust
satt hereanddi dn’tspeakf orsomet ime.Cane
shout edf rom i nside, “He’sup. ”Weal lrushedi nand
hehadhi sey esopen, hewasgr owlingi npai n.He
l
ookedatmeandsmi led,het ri
edt ot alk,“sshhh. ”
Every
onewasnowrel
ieved.I
twas8am, “
wecan’t
sendhimt
ohisfami
lylooki
ngli
ket
his.
”Itol
dthe
guys.
Cane:
Hedoesn’
thav
eanyf
ami
l
y.
Me:
Thenwhatdowedowi
thhi
m.

Everyoneshrugged,“Ok,puthiminmycar.”They
carri
edhimi ntomycarandAbebi gotint
ot heback
withhim.Ever y
onewentt othei
rcars,
“Goodjob
guys…AndMERRYFUCKI NGCHRI STMAS.”The
boysalll
ookedatmel i
keIwasmadandev er
yone
droveofftheirsepar
ateway s.

WegothomeandputSnakei nt
hemainbedr oom,
andIwentt oshower,Icri
edasIsawt hebloody
watergoingdownt hedrain.Whataday,Iwent
downstai
r sandfoundthecoupleint
helounge
dri
nki
ng.Igotgin,toni
candi cefr
om t
hebarand
j
oinedthem.Nobodyt alked.
[
11/
23,
17:
17]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode67
Iwasal it
tl
et ipsyandImanagedt odri
vetothe
hospi tal,Ispentt henighttalki
ngtoKhenanand
drinkingt her emai nderofmygi n.Igotint
ohi sbed
andf ell asleep,Iwaswokenupbymyphoner i
nging
andi twasanunsav ednumber .Icheckedt hetime
andi twasnow1am, myheadwaspoundi ng.Ididn’
t
pickup.Iwentt othetoil
etandt henthephoner ang
again, itwasnowKeenan, “hey.
”Iwhispered,then
fi
gur edoutIcoul dspeaknor mal,it
’snotl
ikemy
voicewoul dwakehi m up.
Keenan:
Pet
eist
ryi
ngt
ogetahol
dofy
ou.
Me:
whatdoeshewantatt
hist
ime?
Hi
m:hewoul
dn’
tsay
,hej
ustwant
stospeakt
oyou.
Me:
Cool
,I
’l
lcal
lhi
m back.Ar
eyouhome?
Hi
m:Yeah
Me:
How’
sAbebi
?
Hi
m:Shei
sok,
sti
l
lshookupabi
t.
Me:
Whatdi
dyout
ell
her
?
Hi
m:We’
l
lspeakwhenIseey
ou.
Me:
Ok.

Icutthecal
l
,heobviousl
ywaswithher
.Idial
led
Peteimmediat
ely
,“BossLady
.”Gosharetheyreal
l
y
goingtocal
lmethat?
Me:
What
’supPet
e?
Hi
m:Ineedy
ouatt
hewar
ehouse.
Me:
Doy
ouseewhatt
het
imei
s?
Hi
m:Iwoul
dn’
tcal
li
fitwasn’
tur
gent
.
Me:
Ok,
giv
eme30mi
nut
es.
Hi
m:cool
.

Hecutt hecal l
,Iwentpassthehousef i
rst,
Iwasn’ t
dressedappr opri
atel
yforthis.Ichangedintoblack
yogapant sandat opwi t
hsneaker sandheadedf or
thewar ehouse.Iwentinsideandf oundPet eandI ce
sit
ti
ngatt het abl
edri
nking,“guys.”Theylookedup
atme, IswearI cesmil
edatme, butIwasn’tsureifit
wasagoodorbadsmi
l
e,“
hewokeup,
”
Me:
Whowokeup?
Petekeptqui
et,andIl
ookedatthem,
Icegotup
fr
om hisseatanditki
ndofscar
edmeabi t
.
I
ce:WhenPet
ewascleani
ngupatt
hehar
bourone
oft
heguyshefoundwasst
il
lal
i
ve.
Me:
Theguy
swhoambushedus?
I
ce:
Yip,
hewasoutcol
dbuthei
sawakenow.
Me:
Hashesai
dany
thi
ng?
I
ce:
Wewer
ewai
ti
ngf
ory
ou.
Me:
Let
’shearwhathehast
osay
.

Wewal kedintowhatlooksl i
keani nter
rogati
on
room andaman, maybe30y ear sofagewassi tt
ing
i
nachai rti
edup.Theboy sstoodonei thersi
deof
him andIstoodinfrontofhim, helookedatmeand
helaughedt hr
oughtheductt ape.Ilookedatthe
boys,“t
akeitoff.
”Peterippedthet apefrom hi
s
mout hroughly
,“Youdon’tscareme, f
ucky oubi
tch,
”
andhespatatme.Il
ookedatI
cenotknowi
ngwhat
todo,
Icepunchedhi
minthe
Faceandhef el
loverwit
hthechair
;theypickedhim
upandsathimf aci
ngmeagain.Icouldseet he5pin
crownonhisneckandi mmediat
elyknewt hiswas
oneofSpider’
smen.Itookachairfr
om thef arend
oftheroom andsatdowninfr
ontofhi m,“nowI
thi
nkwegotof fonthewrongfoothere,l
et’sstar
t
again.I
’
m Thando,K’swif
eandy ouare?”
Hi
m:Fucky
ou!
!
Icerai
sedhishandf oranot herpunchandIshook
myheadt ostophim.Hel ookedatmesur pri
sed,
I
tookoutmyphoneandt ookapi ctur
eofhi
m and
sentittoKeenan.Istart
edagai ni nt
hecal
mest
voice,“
whatisitt
haty ouwant ?Whywer eyouguys
attheharbouratourhour ,shootingmymen? ”
Hi
m:Yourmen?Hat
ryagai
nbi
tch!
Me:Pleasedon’
tmakemeangr y,It
hinkcal
l
ingmea
bi
tchissososodisr
espectf
ul.
..nowIaskedyoua
quest
ionandI’
dli
keforyoutoanswerme.
Ididn’tknowwhatt hef uckIwasdoi ng;Pet
eandI ce
wer elookingatmel i
keI ’
m cr azy.AndIprobablywas,
butitwasmyf irstint errogat i
on.Ilookedathi sthi
gh,
hispant swer er ippedandhehadabandage.That
automat icall
yt oldmet hatCanehadshothi m, “I
ceI
knowy ouhav eakni f
eony ou. ”I
cesmi l
edand
handedmehi skni f
e, “bitchwhaty ougoingtodot o
mel itt
lebitch.
”NowIwaspi ssed,Itooktheknife
andputi tthroughhi sbul letwoundandhescr eamed
outloud, “Arey ouscar edofmenowbi t
ch?”Het ri
ed
tokeepast raightf acebutwasi nt oomuchf ear;I
l
eftt heknifeinhi sthigh.Igotupf rom t
hechai rand
twistedthekni fel ooki ngathi mi ntheeyes;hewas
screami ngwi t
hhi sey escl osed,“LOOKATMEYOU
PIECEOFSHI T! !YOUARENTSCAREDRI GHT?LOOK
ATMEDAMMI T! !!
”

Heopenedhi sey esandIwasj ustani nchedaway

from hisface,Icouldsmellhi
sbr eathandi twasbad
from beingquietal l
day.Iwai
tedf orhimt osay
somet hingandt henmyphoner ang;itwasKeenan,
“savedbyt hebel l
.”Iwi
nkedathi m andanswer ed
thephonewhi l
ewal kingout,“Iknowhewor ksfor
Spider,
butwhot hef uckishe?Iwal kedovert othe
bottl
eofwhiskeysi t
tingont hetabl
eandt ookagul p
str
aightfr
om thebot tle.“
Hisnamei sThomas, 29
yearsofage,wife(Kat e)andtwodaught ers,Apple
andIvy.Beeninthegangf orabout10y earsnow,
arr
ested3t i
mes; possessionwi t
hintenttosell,r
ape
andmur der.
”
Me:Nicework,
nowgettohiswi
feandt
ell
himt
hat
herhusbandwant
stot
alktoher
.
Hi
m:Doy
ouseet
het
ime?
Me:
Doy
ouwantmet
odoi
t?
Hi
m:(
sigh)Idon’
tthi
nkIl
i
keBossLadymuch.
Me:
Youhav
e20mi
nut
es;
Ineedheront
hephone.

Itookanothergulpandwalkedbackintotheroom
withthebottl
einmyhand, hewasstil
lcry
ing.I
askedtheguy stomovethetableandputitabouta
met r
eawayf rom hi
m.Isatonthetableandplaced
thebottl
enexttomeonmyl eft
,andthentookout
mygunfr
om myback.It
ookitof
fsaf
etyandputi
t
onmyri
ght,
“now,
wherewerewe?”
Him:You’
renotgoi
ngt
oki
l
lme,
youdon’
thav
ethe
bal
lstodoit
.
Ilookedathimi
nashockedf
ace.“Ki
llyou?What
,I
thoughtwewerebecomi
ngfr
iends,
”Isaid
sarcast
ical
l
y.
Hi
m:Youwon’
tgetawaywi
tht
his,
hewi
l
lki
l
lyou.
Me:Wellhekil
lsmebecausehehat esmyhusband
andmyboy skil
lKatebecauseyoukil
ledme.Then
you’
remadatSpi derbecausehewast hecauseof
gett
ingherki
l
led,andthenhekil
lsyoubecause
you’
reafucki
ngpest .
"
I
ceandPet egivemetheconfusedl
ook,Idi
dn’
thav e
toexpl
ainwhoKat ewasbecauseThomasdiditall
onhisown,“youkeepmywi f
eoutofthi
s,shedidn’
t
doanythi
ngwr ong.
”
Icegav emea‘ welldone’smil
e,“
butIdidn’
tdo
anythingwrong,yetyoushotatme.Whydi dn’
tyou
keepmeoutoft his?”Ir
aisedmyeyebrowsandl ita
cigarett
e.Helookedatmewi t
hsuchhat r
edmi xed
withpain,Igotoffthetableandwal kedov ert
ohim
thenbendt ohisfacebl owingcigarettesmokei nhi
s
face.Hewasst ill
cr y
ingandbeggi ngf ormenott o
touchhiswi f
e,“areyouwi l
lingtotellmewhatIwant
toknow? ”henodded, “
great,isyourthighhurt
ing?
Henoddedagai nsni ffi
ng.Irippedthekni f
eoutof
histhi
ghandhecr iedagain, “
I’
ml i
steningTommy .”
Hi
m:Hei
sgoi
ngt
oki
l
lyoual
l
.
Me:
Why
?
Hi
m:Coon
Me:
Coonwhat
?
Hi
m: HowdoIknowyouwill
notki
l
lmeassoonasi
t
ell
you,iwantt
oknowthatmywif
eissaf
e.

Luckyf
orhi
m myphoner
ang,
“Yes.
”
Keenan:
Her
eshei
s.
Me:Hima’
am, wearesorr
ytowakey ouup, we
f
oundyourhusbandonthesideoftheroadandhe
l
ookedhur
thet ol
dustocall
y ou.Heisn’
tdoingv
ery
wel
l.Weneedandaddresstodr ophi
m off.
Ikeptquietwhil
etheladyboughtt hebullshi
tand
wastalkingsomuchandsheev entual
lyaskedto
tal
ktohim, “sur
emadam, hol
df ormepl ease”I
tur
nedt ofaceThomas, andputt hephoneonhi sear
andpointedmygunathi m wit
ht heotherhand.He
spoketohi swif
ebrief
lyandIcutt hecall,“
well
bori
ngpar tisover
,tel
lmeev erythi
ng!!
”

Hewasst il
lcryi
ngandbeggi ngforhi
swife’
slif
e,
“honeyIdon’tmurderinnocentwoman.Justtellme
whatIneedt oknowandy ouwalkoutofhere.
”He
star
tedtal
kingandt el
l
ingmeaboutSpi der’
splan…
thenIgotPetetodrivehim homet ohi
swife.
IceandIsatdowni ntheot herroom, Iwasshaking.I
can’
tbeli
ev eIhaddonet hat,Ipouredsomewhi skey
andtookitallback.“
YoBossLady , wher
edidyou
l
earnallofthat?”Il
ookedathi m andshrugged,“I’
ve
neverhurtanyonebefore.Idon’tknowwhatt ook
overme.”
Hi
m:Li
sten,
theyat
tackedusandy
ouwer
e
pr
otect
ingy
ourown.Ther
eisnohar
m done.
Me:
Buthi
swi
f-
Him:Sheiswit
hherhusband,
itwoul
dhavebeen
worseifhecamebackinabodybag.Youdi
d
nothi
ngwrong.
Ij
ustfeelbad,butIal
sofeelincontr
ol;wegotwhat
weneededf rom hi
m.Ihopet hi
sdoesn’thappent
oo
oft
en,“di
dKhenandot hisshit?
”Icelookedatme
andtookasipofhi sdr
ink,hedidn’
tanswermeandI
fi
guredouthedid.Maybehedi devenwor se.
Me:
Idon’
twantt
otur
nint
oamonst
er.
I
ce:You’
reagoodperson,
andthisistempor
aryunt
il
Khenanwakesup.Youwon’tt
urnint
ooneofus.

IheadedhomeandcheckeduponSnake, I
showeredandsl
ept.IkeptdreamingofThomas,
and
whatImayhavestarted.ButSpiderwast
heonenow
whowasonourt er
rit
oryaf t
ertheyhadadeal
wit
h
Khenan.Weneedtosor tthi
soutsoon.
Iwasst
il
lasl
eepwhenmyphoner
ang,
Ilookedat
t
hecal
l
erI
Dandi
twasSpha,
“ar
eyoust
il
lasl
eep?
”
Me:
Notany
mor
e,what
’sup?
Spha:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngt
oday
?
Me:
Notmuch,
whatdoy
ouwant
?
Spha:
Ist
hathowy
out
alkt
oaf
ri
end?
Me:
Ok,
howar
eyoubuddy
?
Spha:
Muchbet
ter
,Lunchatmypl
ace13H30.
Me:
Bye.
Spha:
I’
m bei
ngser
ious.
Me:
I’
ll
bet
her
e;canIgobackt
obednow?

Icouldn’
tsl
eepaft
erspeaki
ngt oSpha,soIgotup
tookabathandwentdownstairs.Icheckedon
Snakeandhewaswi thAbebi,helookedatmewhen
Iwalkedinandsmil
ed,“howishe? ”
Abebi
:Hei
sdoi
nggr
eat
.
Snake:
All
thankst
oyoubossl
ady
.
Me:
Comenow,
Idi
dwhatany
onewoul
dhav
edone.
Abebi
:I’
l
lleav
eyout
woal
one.
Ismil
edatherandshewal
kedout
,“howar
eyou
feel
i
ng?”
Snake:
I’
veseenbet
terday
s,butI
’
m al
i
ve.
Me:
Youscar
edt
heshi
toutofme!
Snake:Thanky
ousomuch,
yousav
edmyl
i
fe.Iowe
youbigti
meBossLady
.
Me: Tr
ustmeyouwil
lpay
,there’
sawarbr
ewi
ngand
I
’m goi
ngtoneedyouinf
ullf
orce.
Snake:
Didy
ouf
indoutwhodi
dthi
stous?
Me:
Spi
der
.
Snake:
Whatt
hef
uck?
Me:Mythoughtexact
ly,
hef
elthegott
heshortend
oft
hesti
ck.Helostmoneyf
rom thedi
amonds,and
di
dn’
tgai
nany t
hing.
Snake:
ButZenon,
wefucki
nggav
ehimli
fe.Weal
l
knowCoonwasgoingt
osmokehisasssoon.
Me:Iguessheneedsustoremindhim.Butdon’
t
wor
ryyoursel
f,Ineedy
ouintopshapebecauseshi
t
i
saboutt
ogodown.

Idrov
etoSpha’
shouselat
erthatdayandfoundhi
m
outbackov
erhi
s‘st
ateoftheartbar
beque’
Me:
What
’sup?
Hi
m:Howdi
dyougeti
n?
Me:
Say
shewhor
oamsi
ntomyhouseashepl
eases.
Hi
m:Comeher
e.

Wehugged, wehadlunchanddri
nks,“
whyam I
reall
yhere?”Il
ookedathim,hehadanaughtysmi
l
e
onhi sface,
“It
oldyouweneedt oputbackt
hat
tracker
.”
Me:
Arey
ouser
iousr
ightnow?
Hi
m:Yi
p,f
oll
owme.
Me:
Onl
yify
ouhel
pmeoutwi
thsomet
hingt
oo.
Hi
m:Nope,
thi
sisnotanegot
iat
ion.
Me:
Thenno,
Idon’
twanty
out
otr
ackme.
Hi
m:Ifi
twasn’
tformytrackery
ouwoul
dbestuckin
t
hatl
oonybi
n,andprobabl
ybedeadaft
erdr
owning
i
nyourt
ub.
Me:
Fine,
poi
ntt
akenbutIneedy
ourhel
p.
Hi
m:Whati
sit
?
Me:
I’
ll
showy
ou.

Aft
erheinstal
l
edanewt rackerwegoti
ntomycar
anddrovetoafar
m.Hegav emealook,“
what
?I
won’tki
l
lyou.Ha.
”Ichuckled.
Hi
m:Whatar
ewedoi
ngher
e?
Me:Ineedyout
ohelpmesecurethi
spl
ace,
you
knowli
keyourf
ri
end’
sdodgyhouse.
Helookedatmequi
zzi
call
y,“
Thandowhatdoy
ou
mean?”hewasal
lseri
ous.
Me: ImeanIneednobodyinher
eunlesst
heyhav
e
securi
tycl
ear
ancefrom me.Nowlet
’sgo.

Wegotoutt
hecarandwal
kedt
owar
dst
he
far
mhouse, i
twashuge, “
isthisyourfarm?”Ilooked
athim andnodded,“guessy oudon’tknowany t
hing
aboutme. ”Wewalkedi nsi
deupst ai
rsandt othe
basementwhi l
eItoldhim whatIwant edwher e.He
wasmaki ngament alli
standIknewhewoul ddo
exactl
ywhatIwant ed,hewasmeasur inginhishead.
Iknowwhat ’
sgoingonher e,andyouar egett
ing
yoursel
findeepshitifyoudot hisThando.”Ismi l
ed,
“dowhat ?
”
Hi
m: Don’
tpl
aydumbwi
thme,
it’
sasaf
ehouse.But
why?
Me:
Justincase,rememberTar
eckwantsmeoutof
t
hepict
urer
ight.Sothi
sonl
ymakessense.
Hi
m: Thisisextr
eme; nopeit
’ssomethingbi
gger
t
hant hat
.Don’ttel
lmebutIwi l
lgettothebott
om of
t
his.ButIknowit’snotaboutTareck.
Me:
Whilewe’
reonthatt
opi
c,Ineedy
out
ofi
ndhi
m
f
orme.Thesoonert
hebett
er.
Helookedatmeworri
ed;Idi
dn’
tevenent
ert
ainhi
m
anyfur
ther
.Wegotint
othecarandwenttodrophi
m
offt
henheadedhome.
Aweekl aterIwalkedint
omyf armhouse,itwaseven
bett
erthanwhatIexpect edi
ttobe.Nowwecoul d
star
twor ki
ng.Isenttheboysthelocati
onandthey
wereallhereinlessthan30mi nut
es,Keenanwas
ther
e.Nomor erunni
ng.

Cane:
Whati
sthi
spl
ace?
Smuggie:
Idon’tknowdogbutBossLadysai
dwe’re
meeti
ngheretonight
.Whatt
hebosswantstheboss
get
s.
I
ce:Yout
hinkwe’
reall
owedtodri
nkt
hebeeri
nthe
f
ri
dge?Fucki
nghel
l,
Iwanttoli
veher
e.

Iwalkeddownt hestair
s,theboyskeptqui
etatthe
soundofmyheel s.Istoodinfrontoft
hem inablack
pantsuitandmyhandsi nmypocket .Ever
yone
l
ookedal er
tandserious,Iki
ckedoffmyheels,“
ha
ha,HappyNewYearboy sandwel cometoournew
headquar t
ers.
”Theystartedsmili
ng;I
cewasso
exci
ted,
“sowecandrinkthebeeri
nthefri
dge?”I
l
aughedandnodded,everyonewashappybutwe
hadtogetdowntobusiness.
Me: Okguys, wewi l
lbeoperati
ngfrom here; Idon’
t
thi
nkthewar ehousei ssafeanymore.I
fSpi dercould
fi
ndusatt hehar bourthenhewaspr obablyont othe
warehouset oo.Everyt
hingiscodedandbul letproof
sonothingcant ouchuswhenwear ei
nside.Letme
giv
ey ouat our
[
11/
23,
17:
17]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode68

Sokut
hiwat
hedr
ugt
hingi
stoomuch
SoIspentsometi
metodaywr
it
ingaspeci
ali
nser
t
thati
ncl
udesMbal
iandMduasrequest
ed.
..
..

Wet our
edthehouse; wehadourmi nihospi
talward,
theweaponsr oom, ourcomput erroom every
thi
ng
weneededf orourbusi nesswasi nthathouse.Last
room wastheboar droom, Iaskedeveryonetosit
aroundthetable.Istoodinfrontofthem, t
heyall
l
ookedatmewai t
ingtohearwhatIwantedt
osay,
t
heyreal
l
yconsideredmeast hei
rbossandri
ght
t
henIfel
tli
kepartofthecr
ew.

Me: I’
m makingaf ewchangestohowt hingswor k.I
f
youf eelt
hatitwil
lnotworkcomet omeandwewi ll
discussitandfindasolut
ion.Wewi l
lmeethere
everyThursdaynightat8pm sharp,i
fyou’r
elateit
willcostyouR10000ofy oursalary
.Soifyouar e
l
at e10timesinamont h,R100000ofy oursalaryat
theendoft hemont h.Wecool?
Them:
Sur
e.
Me:
Whilewear
eonthetopicofmoney,Snaketel
l
mewhatdi
dyoudowit
hy ourl
astsal
arycheque?
Snake:Ar
ey ouaski
ngforr
eal
?Igott
hatnewChev
y
i
mpor t
ed,shedri
vesli
keababe.
Me:
Canewhatabouty
ou?
Cane:
I’
drat
hernotsay
.
Me:
Comeon,
nobodywi
l
ljudge.
Cane:
Iboughtanucl
earmi
ssi
l
e,uhm somet
hingl
i
ke
t
hat
.

Theroom wentsil
ent,
Ilookedathim andallIcoul
d
thi
nkis‘whatthef
uck’Ishookmyheadand
conti
nued.“Smuggi
e,howmuchy ouhav ei
ny our
accountri
ghtnow?”heshrugged,“about300k.”
Me:
Scar
?
Scar
:12.
6mi
l
li
on…(
Hepaused)Pounds.
Me:
Snake?
Snake:
Uhm,
Idon’
tknow.
Me:
R49852.
54

EveryonelookedatmeshockedandI celaugheda
bit
,“Don’task,Iknowev eryt
hi ng.
”Iwalkedar ound
thetable,“
whatI ’
mt r
yingtogetati sthatev ery
one
getspaidthesameamount ,butsomeendupwi t
h
almostnot hi
ngleftbecausewe’ r
ebusybuy ing
weaponsofmassdest ruct
ion.Soher e’
swhatwe’ re
goingtodo10%ofy ourmont hlysal
arywillbeput
i
ntoasav i
ngsandwei nvestedi t
,ev
ery5y earsy ou
gett
omakeawithdr
awal.Anyext
raj
obsy
oudo,
that
moneyi
sal
lyour
s.Ok?”

Scar:ButIknowhowt osavemoney
,whymustIbe
groupedupwi t
htheseidi
ots.
I
ce:
Whoi
sani
diot
?
Me:Thesei
diot
sarey
ourt
eam,
andwhat
’s50kt
o
youMrMill
i
onair
e?
I
ce:
Who’
sani
diot
?
Scar
:Haha,whyar
eyouget
ti
ngof
fended…?Haha
arey
ouanidi
ot?
I
cegotupf rom hi
schair,goshtheseboys“I
ce,
leti
t
goplease.Notinmymeet i
ng,y
oucanki l
lhi
mlater
whenwe’ r
edone.”Scarlookedatmewi thhi
seyes
wideopengr abbi
nghischest,“
I’
m hurt
.”

Ichuckl
ed,“anyquest
ionsr
egar
dingt
hatissue?
”Ice
puthishandup,thi
sboywil
lbethedeat
hofme,
“yeah.
”
I
ce:
Arewel
i
kegoi
ngt
oli
veher
enow?
Me:Wereyouli
vi
ngatthewar
ehouse?Mov
ingal
ong,
It
hinkweneedtorecr
uit
.
Smuggie:
Why?We’
vebeenhandl
i
ngi
t,we’
vebeen
handl
i
ngit!
Me: Andt
henwhathappenswhenwegetambushed
andsomeonegetshurt
?Welethim bl
eedout
becausenoneofushaveamedical
backgr
ound.
Smuggi
e:Buthef
ucki
ngl
i
ved!
Hewasnowsweari
ngthi
sboyi
stest
ingme.I
r
emainedcal
m,“
andhowisheal
iv
e?”
Smuggi
e:Keenan’
sgi
rlhel
ped.
Me:
Wil
lshebear
oundev
eryt
ime?
Hedidn’tanswerme,“youguyshavebeen
funct
ioningl
ikeawelloil
edtr
ain,
andthatwas
befor
ewewer eatt
acked,nowwe’regoi
ngtowar
andwedon’ thaveenoughsoldi
ers.
Smuggie:
Andwheredoy
ousupposewe’
l
lfi
nd
sol
dier
swecantr
ust?
Snake:
Oh,
Iknowashi
tloadt
hatwoul
dwantt
ojoi
n
us!
Me:Iam t
hedaught
erofZenonandDi
ggeraf
teral
l
.
Soworr
ynot!
!
Smuggie:
AfterwegaveZenonupt
oSpi
der
?You
thi
nkhewill
wanttohelpus?
Iwinkedathim, “
Idi
dnosuchthing.”Hefi
nal
ly
l
oosenedupandgav eaminismil
e.OkIwasget ti
ng
thr
ought ohim somehow,Icoul
dn’thavehi
m
againstmehei souronl
ywaytogett hepr
oductinto
SA.Hel ookedatme,“whi
leyoudot hat
,whatabout
theproduct?”
Me:
Ther
eisgoi
ngt
obeal
i
ttl
echanget
her
etoo.
Smuggi
e:Youcan’
tfuckwi
tht
hegoods.
Me:Wenotf
ucki
ngwi
thi
t,we’
rej
usti
ncr
easi
ngour
or
der.
Scar
:Fi
nal
l
ysomeonei
sthi
nki
ngl
i
keme.
Smuggi
e:Wewi
l
lgetcaught
.
Me:Howwhenwehav
ethebi
ggestsmuggl
eronour
si
de?
Smuggi
e:Byi
ncr
easi
ng,
whatdoy
oumean?
Me:Weor
deri
nbulk.I
nsteadofaweekl
yor
der
,we
makei
tamonthl
yorder
.
Scar:
Ili
kehowyouthinkBossLady,butIdon’
tknow
i
fPablowil
lagr
eethoughseeingyou’
reanewcaton
thebl
ock.
Me:IhaveanideaastohowI’
l
lmakehim agree.For
nowputthroughtheweekl
yor
derbutnextweek,we
goi
ngbig.
Scar:
Anynewideasonhowwecl
eanthemoney?
Withmorepr
oductcomi
ngin,
we’
l
lneedanot
herway
.
Me:
Bit
coi
n.

Keenan’sf
acei
mmediatel
yli
tupandhi
seyes
widened,“
ohnoyoudi
dn’t
.”Ismi
l
edathim,“
Ijust
di
d”
Scar
:Bi
tcoi
n?
Me:I
’veschedul
edameeti
ngforusonMonday,
wher
ewewi lldi
scusst
hat
.Don’
tworr
yyouwil
ll
ove
i
t.
Iwalkedtothedrawerandgotoutboxesand
handedeveryonewit
habox, “cool
,weevengetnew
phones?”I
cer eal
l
ycan’tkeephist
rapshut
.
Me: Thesehav eyourschedulesal
readyprogrammed
forthenext2weeks, iftherear
eanychangesy ou
will
getanot if
icat
ion.Forthenextcoupl
eofday sI
will
bemeet ingwithev ery
oneindi
vidual
l
y.Soy ou
cancheckt hedatesandt hetimesforal
lofthat.

Ilookedatev er
y one,“t
hat’sitfornow,anythi
ngon
yoursi de?”theyallshookt heirheads,Iwasgl adit
wasov er.Idon’tknowhowt of eelaboutanyofi t
really
.Atl eastInoticedaf ewt hi
ngs,Smuggiei sn’t
opent ochangeandPet ekeepst ohimsel
f.LikeI
said,Icewi l
lbet hedeat hofmeIswearIwi ll
ki l
lthat
boy .Iwashappy ,everyonewentdownandhadaf ew
drinksIcal l
edcaneasi de, “
yesbossl ady.
”
Me:
Ithi
nkt
her
eissomet
hingIt
hinky
ouwi
l
lli
ke.
Hi
m:Yeah?
Igrabbedhi sarm, “
comesee. ”Wewentoutt heback
andt al
kednonsensewhi lewemadeourwayt othe
shoot i
ngr ange.Helookedatmeandsmi led,Icould
tel
lhel i
kedi t
.Ilef
thimther eandheadedback,
someoft heguy shadleft.Actuall
yitwasonl yI ce
andKeenant hatwereleft,whichwasact uall
y
shocking.Theywer eplay i
ngcar dsandt alki
ng,
may benotaf ul
lonconv ersati
onbuti twas
somet hing.IwasgladKeenanst ayed, It
hinkitis
goodhei spartofthegangs.Hepl aysani mpor tant
rol
eandheneedst ostopbei ngafraid.

Wel ockedupandl eft,

thennextmor ni
ngIwasi nmy
parentski t
chenmaki ngthem br eakfast.Iheard
mom r unni ngdownt hestair
s, “
I’
llber i
ghtback,and
don’tgoany where.”Myf atherreplies,“Hurr
y!!
”oh
myf uckinghel l
,Ifeltli
kehidingandt herewasn’t
anywher et ogo.Mom r anintotheki tcheninthe
sexiestleatherli
nger i
ecarryingawhi pandwear inga
masquer ademask.Ial mostt hr
ewup, shestopped
i
nhert racks, “
Uhm, honeywhatar ey oudoingher e?
”
Ij
ustst oodt hereshockednotknowi ngwhatt odo;
shetur nedar oundl ookingf orsomet hingt ocov er
herselfwithonl yt oreveal herbutcheat si nherg-
stri
ng.Lor d,whyme.Iswi t
chedof ft hest ov eand
tookof ftheapr on, “
babywhat ’
stakingy ousol ong.”
Dadwal kedint otheki t
chen, Ican’tev endescr ibe
whathewaswear i
ng.Hi smanhoodwasbar el
y
coveredwi t
ht het i
niestpieceofl eat her;shehad
somet asselthingshangi ngf r
om hi sni pplesanda
studdedl eathercol l
ar.Thi swast oomuch; Igrabbed
mykey sandwal kedoutt heki t
chendoor .Igoti nthe
carwithmom scr eami ngaf terme, “Babywai t,you’r
e
beingimmat ure!!”Idroveof fstil
ltraumat ised,Ican’t
dealIdi al
ledSpha, “
Wher ear eyou? ”Heanswer ed
mehal fasl eep, “
Whatdoy ouwant ? ”Ichuckl ed, “
is
thi
showy ouspeakt oy ourf ri
end?”
Spha:
Ideser
vet
hatdon’
tI?
Me:
Yip,
I’
m ont
heway
.

AsIdrov
etoSpha’
shousemyphoner
ang,
“hey
babe.
”
Mbal
i
:Mer
ryChr
ist
mast
oyout
o.
Me:
Don’
tst
art
.

*
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

Mbal
i
:Don’
tst
artwhat
?
Thando:You’
rebei
ngabi
tch…I
’
m goi
ngt
hrougha
hardti
me.
Mbal
i
:Iaskedy
out
ocomewi
thus.
Thando:Andwhat?You’
respendingyourfi
rst
Chri
stmaswithhi
sfamilyandthenyoudragyour
miser
ablebestf
ri
endalong?Idon’tt
hinksohoney
.
Mbal
i
:What
ever
,whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
Thando:
Headi
ngt
oSpha’
shouse.
Mbal
i
:Uhm?
Thando:Dude,Ineedsomet
hingt
otakemymi
ndof
f
whatIjustsaw.
Mbal
i
:Whathappened?
Thando:
Justwal
kedi
nonMom andDaddoi
ngt
he
nast
y.
Mbal
i
:Nope…notMam’
Nana.
Thando:
Welltheyweren’tintheact,
butMam Nana
wakhowasinsexyleatherlinger
ie…eveny
oudon’t
havesomet
hingthatsexy .
Mbal
i
:Saynomor
e
Thando:That
’snotthewor
stpar
tofit,
Tatakho
walkeddownthestair
swit
hamat chi
ngleat
her
pi
eceandacol l
ar.
Mbal
i
:Saynomor
e.
Thando:
Afucki
ngcol
l
ar.
Mbal
i
:Ok…t
hanky
ouf
orr
uini
ngmyday
.
Thando:
Nowy
ouknowhowIf
eel
.
Mbal
i
:Sayhi
toSpha,
I’
ll
seey
oui
nacoupl
eofday
s.
Thando:
Lov
eyou
Mbal
i
:Lov
eyoumor
ebabe.

Af
tert
hecal
lMbal
isatont
hebedl
ooki
ngwor
ri
ed
andjustthenMduwal kedi
nwi t
hat r
ayoffood,“
you
wantyourparentstosayngikudli
sil
e?”hejust
l
aughedather ,“
daddoesital l
theti
me, andmom
l
ovesit.Andplusveleungi
dlisi
le.
”
Mbali
laughedatherf
iancéandtheyst
art
edeati
ng
i
nbed,“whywereyoufrowningwhenIwalkedi
n
her
e?”
Mbal
i
:I’
mjustwor
ri
edaboutThando.
Mdu:
Why
?What
’swr
ong?
Mbali
:Sheisr
unni
ngaroundwi
thherexboy
fri
end
whi
leKhenanisi
nhospit
al.
Mdu:Baby
, Idon’
tknowherasmuchasyoudo,but
shel
ovesthatmanandshewouldn’
tcheatonhi
m.
Mbali
:Iknowshewouldn’
tcheatonhi m phy
sical
l
y;
i
t’
stheemotionsI’
m worr
iedabout.Theysharea
past,
andwhattheyhadwashect i
c…hei sn’
tover
herandmightusethi
stohisadvantage.
Mdu:
Noof
fensebaby
,butmi
ndy
ourownbusi
ness.

Hegav
ehert
henaught
ysmi
l
eandki
ssedherl
i
ps,
“babyI’
m eat i
ng.”Hekissedheragain,eatme.He
tookthet r
ayandputi tonthesidetableandcrawl
ed
ont hebedt aki
nghisshirtoff
…Mbal ipret
endednot
tobeamusedbutshef oundherfi
ancésexyashel l
,
hewasn’ ttoodark;baldwithathi
ckbear dwit
ha
naturalpout.Mbalij
ustgotbutter
fl
ieseachtimeshe
l
ookedathi m.
Theyspentt her estofthemor ningmakingl
ovein
thesheetunt i
ltheywer einter
ruptedbyaknockat
thedoor,“Mdugi vethegirl
abr eak!
”Hismother
shoutedthrought hedoor ,“
Mom! !
”
Mom (
Diana)
:gety
ourassesdowni
n30mi
nut
es
Mdu:
Fine
Di
ana:
Mor
ningMbal
ihoney
.
Mbal
i
:Mor
ning.

Shehidunderthecoversfr
om theembar r
assment,
whentheyheardherfootst
epsleavetheygotoutof
bedandgotcleanedup.Mbalimadet hebedand
theywal
keddownst ai
rshandinhand.Mbal i
wasina
redumbr ell
askirtall
thewayt ohertoherfeetwi t
ha
whitevestandar edandbluemasi aheadwr ap,“you
l
ookwonder ful
mywi fetobe.
”Sheelbowedhi min
thetummy ,
“you’r
emaki ngmebl ush.
”Whent heygot
totheloungeMdu’ syoungersi
sterstar
tedululat
ing
anddanci ngaround,“Thembi man,sudika!
”Mbal i
saidwavingherhandsather .
Di
ana:
Youl
ookgor
geousmydaught
er
Mbal
ibl
ushed,
“Thanksma.
”
Mdu:Weshouldallj
ustgot
othecour
tnowand
makethi
soff
ici
al.
Thembi :Cha,
Cha…ngi
sazothungi
sanj
emina,3
dresses.Soawusi
melekancanewitht
hatr
ubbi
sh.
Di
ana:Hay
imnt
anami
3pho?Kant
iumshadokabana
l
ona?
Thembi
:Myf
avour
it
ebr
other
’sweddi
ng.
Mdu:Wasaboh,
onl
ybr
other
.Sowhydi
dyoucal
lus
outher
evel
e?
Di
ana:Besi
funaukuphumuzauMbal
i
,kuni
ni
umsebenza
Mdu:
Hay
iMa…ut
hini
manj
e.
Thembi
:HaHa…Mah,
you’
ret
ooov
ershame.

Mbal
ididn’
tsayanything,shewasredatwhatDi ana
hadj
ustsai
dt oherandhadnowor d,
lucki
l
yf orher
MduSnrwalkedin,“Ngicelaniy
ekeumakotiwami !
WenaDianangizokukhombi sa!
”
Thembi
:Hay
iBaba,
you’
rewor
sey
azi
!

MduSnrgav eMbaliahug,“si
nceyou’r
eleav
ing
tomorrow,sowet houghwewoul dhaveanice
famil
yday .
”Mbalismiledathi
m, hetur
nedtohis
wife,
“uli
beleukudel
elauMbaliawugqokil
e,
uzosala!
!”
Di
ana:Pl
ease,I
’
mt hequeen.Not
hinghappens
wi
thoutme.Fut
hiuyaqi
nanjena.

Shesaidthatt
akingoffherrobedramati
call
y
rev
eali
ngheroutfit
;shethr
ewi tathi
m andputon
hershoes,gr
abbedherpurseandwal kedtowar
ds
thedoorshaki ngheras.MduSnrst oodt here
smili
ngathi msel fandshakinghishead.Ev eryone
elsewasl aughingMduwasl i
ter
all
yrol
li
ngont he
fl
oorwi t
hl aughter.Theyspentthedaytoget herwit
h
therestofMdu’ ssi bl
ings,Mbaliwasinlovewi tht
his
famil
yandshecoul dn’twai
ttobeapar toft hem.
Andt heylovedherj ustasmuch.

Thenextmorni
ngMduSnrandDianadr
ovethe
coupl
etotheai
rpor
tandt
heyheadedbackt
oCape
Town.
[
11/
23,
17:
18]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode69

*
***
***
**Thando

Ispenttherestofthemorningwit
hSpha, andthen
wenttoseeKhenan.Andaf teri
gnoringDumisanithe
wholedayIev ent
uall
ycall
edhim andsetupadi nner
meeting.Thi
swoul ddefi
nit
elyworktomyadv antage;
Iwasgoi ngtogetevery
thi
ngIwant edfr
om him.
Afterbeggingandpl eadi
ng, andgiv
ingmyaction
planDumi sanif
inallyagreedtojoi
nf or
cesandhelp
us.Hegav emet hr eeofhisbestmenandIwas
goingtoletthem jointherestofthegangand‘si
tat
thetable’
Dumisaniwasal sogoingt
opulli
nafavourandget
Pablotoagreetothemonthlypur
chaserat
herthan
theweekly
.OncePabl oconfi
rmedever
ythi
ng,
Smuggiegotont oitandst
art
edmaking
arr
angement s.
Thatni ghtKeenanwasi nt heloungeonhi slaptop
dri
nking.Iwal kedinwiththet akeawaypacket sfrom
myr estaurant;Igr
abbedtwobeer sfrom t
hef ri
dge
andwentt ohim.Hewasn’ tpay i
nganyat tenti
ont o
me;Isatont hetableinfr
ontofhi m andopenedmy
beer.Hest il
ldidn’
tlookup, Iclosedhi sl
aptop,“dude,
whatt hefu…Thandowhat ’sup? ”Ihandedhi mt he
cl
osedbeer ,“
Shemustj oinus. ”
Hi
m:Who.
Me:
Abebi
.
Hi
m:Wher
e?
Me:
Att
hef
arm.
Hi
m:No.
Me:
Notaquest
ionr
eal
l
y.
Hi
m:Shei
stooi
nnocentf
ort
his.
Me:Shewil
lonlydoitatni
ght
,andi
twon’
tbean
ev
erydayt
hing.Justi
ncaseofemer
genci
es.
Hi
m:Thando,
Ican’
tlethert
hrowawaywhatshehas
wor
kedsohardf
or.
Me:I’
m notsay
ingshemustqui
therwork,
ther
eis
nobodyel
se.Youknowarel
iabl
edoctor
?
Hi
m:No,
butshei
sn’
tev
enapr
operdoct
or.
Me:
Iguesst
hiswi
l
lbeherpr
act
ise.
Hi
m:Thandodon’
tdot
his.
Me:Whatdi
dyousayt
oheraf
tert
hewhol
eSnake
i
nci
dent
?
Hi
m:Not
hing.
Me:
Didsheask?
Hi
m:Nope.
Me:
Youknowwhyshedi
dn’
task?
Hi
m:It
hinkshewasscar
ed.
Me:Noshedi
dn’
taskbecausesheknowswhat
’s
goi
ngon.
Hi
m:Howcoul
dsheknow?
Me: Becausewewereatawar ehouse,
earl
yhoursof
themor ni
ngandrequestednottoi
nvol
veany
hospit
als.Sheknows,t
alktoherandgetbackt
ome
withananswertomorrow.

Iwentupst air
sandsl ept.Theweekendwashect i
c;
I’
vebeenupanddownwi ththehotelsand
rest
aur ants.Ihadj ustlessthan4mont hstoget
everythinginor derbef or
eIheadof ftodoChopped.
Pablowassendi ngt heshipmentinaweekst i
me,I
mett henewr ecr uits.Iwasr eal
lyimpressedwitht
he
workSnakehaddone; wehad4newgi r
lsonthe
team.Someoft heguy sweren’thappywi t
hitbut
thi
swasgoi ngtomakei teasierforustogetthe
productt r
anspor tedt othefarm withoutbei
ng
suspicious.
Idrovetothefarmt omeetupwi thScar,Iwas
feeli
ngreal
lyti
redbutt hi
sneededt obedone.Hei s
av eryi
mportantpieceinthi
sor gani
sationandthi
s
neededtobeper fect.Igott
othef arm andhewas
alr
eadyintheboar droom,Iwalkedinwi thacupof
coffeeandsatdown.Keenanar ri
vedshor t
lyaf
ter
meandsetuphi scomput er
.Wechat t
edabi tand
gotdownt obusiness.

Scar:Mov i
ngar oundi l
legalcashusual lyfoll
ows
thr
eest ages, ri
ght?I t
’splacement ,l
ayering,and
i
ntegration.Wheni l
legal cashisgener ateditmust
beplacedi ntothef inancialsyst em.Thent hemoney
mustbel ayeredwi thi
nt hef i
nancial system,
meaningi tisbr okenupormov edaroundsuf fi
cient
ly
sothatt heaudi ttr
ailisobscur ed.Thi sphase
eff
ectiv
el ycleanst hedi r
tymoney .Last l
y ,t
henow
“cl
ean”moneyi sreturnedt oitsr i
ghtfulowner ,or
i
ntegrated.Seemssi mple, r
ight?Notqui te.
Me:
Ok.
Keenan: Thediff
icul
tpartisnowf abri
catingrecei
pts
tomat cht hemoneycomi ngin, wecannothav ea
l
aundr omatgener at
ingR500000amont hwher eas
weonl yhav e10cust omersaday ,andourelectri
ci
ty
bil
lissit
tingatR2000.Ev ery
thingneedst o
correspondy ousee,thebooksneedt osaywear e
getti
ng100cust omer saday ,f
orexampl e.So
detergents,el
ect
rici
ty,employeesitall
needst o
mat chup.
Scar:Andthenthereistax,wegettaxedl
et’
ssay
30%.Thataloneisalr
eadyR150000.Sowheny ou
mentionedthebit
coinImetupwi thKeenanandhe
expl
ainedhowev eryt
hingworks.We’vesetupthe
accountandstart
edtestingit
.
Me:
Uhm,
okand.
Scar:YouwerespotonBossLady ; i
tcutsthesteps
i
nhalf.Theboy sdropofft hemoneyasnor mal on
Monday ,
wef i
ndsel l
ersanddeposi tint
otheirbank
accountandtheytransfert hebit
coin.Processtakes
anhour,aft
erthatwesel laswepl ease.Themoney
fr
om thebit
coinsalegoi ngi nt
oourbankaccount
andtheycan’ttel
lusshit!!FuckIlov ethi
s.
Me:
Whyam Iher
eagai
n?

Theybothlaughedatme, goshthesemen!Well I
didn’
tneedt obewi ththem theyhadeveryt
hing
undercontrolandt hatwasonel essthi
ngtostress
about.Iwentout si
deandIknewCanewasatt he
shooti
ngrange, hedi dn’
thearmecomi nginIhadt o
taphim ontheshoul der.Het ur
nedaroundandt ook
outhisearplugs,“BossLady ,what’
sup?”
Me:Nothi
ngmuch, t
hemeetingwit
hScarand
Keenanfi
nishedear
lyandIwaswonder
ingify
ou
coul
dhelpmeoutwi thsomethi
ng?
Hi
m:Sur
e,any
thi
ng.
Me: Ineedy
out otrai
ntwosniper
sforme.Iwant
them tobeasgoodasy ou,andIwantthem
watchingoveruswhenthebigshipmentcomesi
n.I
don’twantt
ot akeanyri
sksthi
sti
me.
Cane:
Whower
eyout
hinki
ngabout
?
Me:ThaboandCli
ve,
Dumisaidt
heyar
egood.ButI
knowtheyar
en’
tyouandIneedt
hem t
obe.
Hi
m:Nobodywi
l
lev
erbeme,
butmay
beIcanget
t
hem cl
ose.

Ismiledandwalkedaway ,
noteven10secondslat
er
thegunwasgoi ngoffagai
n.Ishookmyheadand
walkedtothecar,Idi
all
edSnakeonspeaker
,“Boss
Lady.”
Me:
Wher
ear
eyoudoi
ngwhat
?
Hi
m:Dur
banv
il
le,
youneedany
thi
ng?
Me:Ihav
eaj
obf
ory
ouwe’
l
ltal
kwheny
ou’
reback.
Cal
lme.

Theminut
eIcutt
hecal
l
,Sphacal
l
edme,
“hey
buddy
.”
Him:
Don’
theybuddyme,
WHATTHEFUCKARE
YOUUPTO?
Me:
Whatar
eyouonabout
?
Hi
m:Your
unni
ngaf
ucki
ngdr
ugcar
tel
now?
Me:
Sphai
t’
snotl
i
ket
hat
,I’
mj-
Him:Whati
sitl
i
keThando?Yougoingaround
capt
uri
ngSpi
der’
smenandyouhurtpeoplenow?
Me:
Justl
etmeexpl
ain.
Him:Thandot
her
eisnothingtoexpl
ain,onl
ythi
ngi
s
youdon’
tknowwhatthefuckyou’
redoingandyou
aregoi
ngtogety
oursel
fkill
ed.

Iwassavedbyanincomi
ngcallf
rom Dumi
,“SphaI
’
ll
cal
lyoubackIhav
eanothercal
lcomi
ngin.
”
Me:
Daddy
,hi
.
Hi
m:Hi
myangel
,howar
eyou?
Me:
Good,
andy
ou?
Hi
m:Good,
uhm ar
eyoubusy
?
Me:
RightnowIki
ndofam,
canwemay
bedosupper
?
Hi
m:That
’sal
ri
ght
.
Me:
Alr
ightseey
out
hen.Lov
eyou
Hi
m:Lov
eyout
oo.
Ineededt osor tthisoutwi thSpha.SoIdr ovet ohis
houseandhewasn’ thome, Iwentt ohiswor k.The
l
ev el ofsecur i
tyherei sridiculous,butIevent uall
y
goti nandhewasi nameet i
ngandIhadt owai tfor
aboutanhour .Iwai t
edf oranhourandal mostat e
thef oodIboughtf orus, thent hedooropenedand
threemenwal kedoutwi thSpha.Ij ustsatthere
wai ti
ngf orhimt of i
nish, theyf i
nishedandhecal led
mei n.Iwal kedin,normal l
yIwoul dsiti
nhi schair,
butt odayIwasscar ed.Hel ookedsoangr yatme
andIdi dn’
twantt oaddf uel t
ot hefir
esoIsati none
oft hechai rsacrosst het able.Hedi dn’tsi
tdownbut
stoodbehi ndhischai rlooki ngatmewi thast raight
face, “Iboughtusl unch. ”Ismi l
ed,tryi
ngtot estthe
wat erandhedi dn’tsayany thingbackhel ookedat
mef orawhi l
e,“I
’m sor r
ySpha. ”
Hi
m:Forwhat
?
Me:
Forev
ery
thi
ng.
Hi
m:Whyar
eyoudoi
ngt
his?
Me:I
t’
sforK,thebusi
nesswasn’
tdoingwellandhe
i
sly
inginhospit
alandcan’
tdoanyt
hingaboutitand
Ij
ustwanthimt obepr oudofmet hatIsteppedup
andhel
pedhi m.IfhewasawakeIwoul dhav enever
gott
enmy sel
finvol
vedi nthi
s.Ifeelsousel ess,my
fi
ancéhasbeeni nacomaf ormont hsnowandI
can’
tdoany t
hingtohelphim.Thewor stpar ti
sthat
I’
mthereasonhei sly
ingint hatpl
ace,sot ellme
SphawhatelsecanIdot omakeupf orthat?WHAT?

Ihadal umpi nmyt hr oat,andt hetearsst arted

fl
owi ngandIcoul dn’ tstopt hem andIcoul dn’tl
ook
atSpha.Ev eryonet houghtIwasj ustrunningar ound
playingdr ugl ordbutt heydon’ tknowi st hegui l
tI
hav etol i
vewi th.Khenani sinhospi talbecauseof
me, Ican’tdoany thingt ogethi m outoft her eand
thisistheonl ywayIknowhowt orightthiswr ong.I
criedwhi l
eSphacomf or t
edmeandIev entually
calmeddownandhej usthel dmeIhi sarms.Then
hest artedt ospeak, “Thandoi t
’snotheal thyt owalk
aroundwi tht hisguilt.Igetwhaty oumeanandt ry
ing
todo, thei ntent i
oni sgr eat,butcouldhav ebeen
bet t
erexecut ed.ThandoImadeapr omiset oy ouall
thosey ear sagot opr otecty ouatal lti
mes, even
afterwehav ebrokenupIam keepi ngthatpr omise
andIwi llnotstopunt ilyousay‘ Ido.’Butyouar enot
maki ngiteasyf ormet odomyj obi fyoukeep
i
ntent i
onallywalkingrightintodanger .YouknowI
sti
llloveyouandmyhear tbelongst oy ou,Idon’t
wantany t
hingtohappent oy ouandt hatiswhyI
don’tappr oveoft hiswholeoper ati
on.Youknow
nothingaboutt hepeopl ey ouar edeal i
ngwi th,
and
youwi llgethurt.Ineedy out ostopt hisnowThando,
foryourownsaf et yandmysani ty!
”

Ididn’tsayany thi
ng,Ijustli
stentohi m speak, Ifel
t
sorryf orSpha.Hel ovedmeandIdi dn’tlovehim
anymor ebutt hatdidn’tstophimf rom car ingand
l
ooki ngoutf orme.Het ol
dmet owashmyf acein
theof ficerestroom andwehadourl unchmai nlyin
sil
enceandwet alkedabi taboutbei ngaChopped
j
udgeandaf t
eraboutanhourIl efthim andwentt o
thehospi t
al.Igott oKhenanandIbr okedownagai n,
Igoti ntobedwi thhim andf el
lasleeponhi schest.I
waswokenupbysomeoneshaki ngmegent lyand
whisper i
ngmyname, “Thando,Thando. ”Itwasmy
mom, Ilookedattheti
mei twasaf t
er9pm, Igotup
formt hebedandr ubbedmyey es,whatwasshe
doingher e?Iwenttori
nsemymout hint he
bathroom andcameback, “Mom what ’sgoingon? ”
myey esfeltheav
y,andpuffyfr
om al lthecrying.
“Youwer esupposedtomeetwi thyourf atherandhe
can’tgetahol dofyou,andIthoughtI’df i
ndy ou
here.”IlookedatKhenan;Igavehi m akissonhi s
drylipsandt ookmybagandwal kedoutwi thmy
mot her,“Igotcar
ri
edaway ,andfellasleep.I’
m not
feeli
ng100%whatdi dDadwantt otalkabout ?”
Mom:
Hedidn’
tsay,
hejustsaidyouguy
swer
egoi
ng
t
omeetupandhecan’
tfi
ndy ou.
Me:
Tel
lhi
mI ’
m sorr
y,I
’
llcal
lhi
mint
hemor
ning.I
r
eal
l
yneedtosleep.
Mom: Don’
twor
ryabouti
tbaby
,I’
l
ltel
lhi
m.How’
s
Khenandoi
ng?
Me:ArghMa,not
hinghaschangedandIdon’
tknow
i
fitev
erwil
l
.
Mom:
Don’
tsayt
hat
,youneedt
ohav
efai
thbaby
.
Atearescapedmyey esr
oll
ingdownmycheek, she
heldmeinherarmsandIjustbrokedowni nher
arms.Aft
ersomet i
meshegotmewat erandI
cal
medmy sel
fdown,“Wi
lly
oubeablet odriv
e
home?”Inodded,“
callmewheny ougethome. ”
Me:
Ok,
Ilov
eyou.

Idrovehomeandgoti nt obed,Ididn’tt
hinkt hiswas
aff
ectingmesomuch.Ihav ebeensobusypl ayi
ng
supermanandnegl ect
ingotheraspect sofmyl i
fe.I
cri
edmy selftosleep;Iwaswokenupbyacal lat
midnight,
“Ice?”Isaidinasleepyv oice,“
BossLady
sorrytowakey ou,buty ouneedt ogettot he
warehousenow. ”Hedi dn’twai
tf ormet or espond
andhecutt hecall.

Igotoutofbedandt ooka5mi nut

eshower ;Iti
ed
mywethai rupinabunandwor emyy ogapants,
sneaker
sandahoodi e.Idr
oveinthedar ktothe
warehouse,al
ongt hewayIcouldn’thelpbutwonder
whythewar ehouse?Wemov edthewhol eoperati
on
tothefarm sowhythere?Itr
ustedIceandar r
ivedat
thewarehouseanditwasupi nflamesandt he
fi
refi
ghter
swereput t
ingthefi
reout.Iwalkedupt o
thegang,“whathappenedhereguys? ”Ever
yone
shrugged,“
Ithi
nkitisSpider
,hethi
nkswe’ rest
ill
operati
ngfrom her
e,”Canesaidscratchi
nghishead.
Me:Butthi
splacehasbeenvacantf
orsolonghow
coul
dtheythi
nkwe’rest
il
loper
ati
ngfrom her
e?
Il
ookedattheburni
ngwarehouseandt
hecar
s.I
wasconfused,
“thecar
s?”
I
ce: Iknewtheywoul
dtrysomethi
ngsoIhadafew
boyscomei nandouteverynowandagai
n.Sot
hey
thoughtitwasst
il
loper
ati
onal.
Me:
Whatwasi
nsi
de?
I
ce:
Not
hing,
fabr
icsandshi
t.
Me:Nicework.Getaholdofevery
oneandwe’
re
meeti
ngatthefarm at4am.Ineedtomakeaf
ew
cal
l
s,seeyouguyslater.

Idr
ovebackhomeandcal
l
edmyf
ather
,“Hel
l
obaby
,
ar
eyouok?
”
Me:
Yeah,
I’
m sor
ryImi
ssedourdi
nner
.
Him:Don’tworr
yabouti
t.Iwasjustwor
ri
edabout
you;
Ithoughtsomethi
nghappenedtoyou.
Me:
Somet
hingl
i
ke?
Hi
m:Youpl
ayi
ngwi
thdanger
ousmen.
Me:
Didy
ouknowt
heywoul
dat
tackt
oni
ght
?
Heletoutasigh,“Ihear
dthatsomet
hingmi
ghtgo
down, butwasn’
tsureandthat’
swhyIwant
edtobe
wit
hy ou.”
Me:
I’
mfi
nedaddy
,butIneedZenonback.
Hi
m:Whatdoy
oumeanbabygi
rl
?
Me: Ican’
tbeanycl
ear
ert
hant
hat
,IneedZenon
back.
Hi
m:Whatf
orbaby
?
Me:
DadIj
ustneedhi
m,cany
ouhel
pmeornot
?
Him:Idon’
tknowhoney
,Imeanaf
teral
lthat
’s
happenedIj
-
Me:Alr
ight
,don’
twor
ryabouti
t.We’
l
ltal
klat
er,
lov
e
you.
Hi
m:Tha-

Icutt hecall
bef or
ehecoul dsayany thingf urther
;I
knockedonKeenan’ sroom, “
Yeah. ”Ipeepedmy
headi nandsawhi m sleepingwi t
hAbebi ,
“farmhouseat4br i
ngherwi t
h, anddon’ tbel ate.
”I
closedt hedoorandwentupst ai r
s,andt ookapr oper
showerandwashedmyhai rproperly.Igotoutand
gotdr essedthendrov et othefarmhouseandwas
surprisedtofindmostoft heguy sthere, t
heywer e
allhav i
ngcoffee.Iwant edtolaughbutIj ustlet
them beandj ustcall
edI ceasi
de, “di
dy ouf ind
any one?”
Him:Wecanconfi
rmthati
twasSpider
;oneofhis
guyswasseenfl
eei
ngthescene.Hemanagedtoget
awaythough.
Me:That
’sgoodenoughforme,
Ijustneeded
conf
ir
mation.Hewi
llf
ucki
ngpayforthi
s.
Every
onear ri
vedandwesatint heboardr
oom, fr
om
7nowt her
ewereabout20oft hem andeveryoneof
them hadaspeci al
setofski
l
lstoaddt otheteam.
Wedi scussedsomebusinessandIkeptlookingat
Abebi andsheseemedcalm, Keenanheldherhand
undert het
ableandIthi
nkhemusthav ebr i
efedher
onwhatwasgoi ngon.

Me: Okther ealreasonwear eher e, Spider.Last

ni
ghthesentanat t
ackonusandbur ntthe
warehouset oashes.Luckyf oruswehadmov ed
premises,andt hankstoIcef orkeepi ngt heplace
occupied.Spiderwasobv iouslygoi ngf orour
product,andhewoul dhavebur ntitt othegr ound
withanyonewhowasi nthatwar ehouse.Nowwe
aren’
tgoingt ositbackandl ethimt hinkhewonso
wear egoingt oattachback,Smuggi eIneedy outo
getthedet ai
lsofhisshipment .
Cane:Theywil
lsmokeusal
i
vei
fweatt
hehar
bour
dur
ingthei
rti
me.
Me:
Wewon’
tbe,
wet
aki
ngt
heshi
pmentoutatsea.
[
11/
23,
17:
18]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode70

Theyal
ll
ookedatme,Icesmil
edabi
t.“
Howar
ewe
goi
ngtodothat
?”Snakeasked.
Me:Simpl
edearfri
end,
wegetontoaboatandgo
outt
oseameettheboatcarr
iedhi
sweightandl
oad
i
tontoourboatt
henheadbackthi
ssi
de.
Thabo:Butwewil
lneedper
missi
onf
rom t
hecoast
guardstobeoutt
here.
Me:
Don’
twor
ryaboutt
hat
.
Thabo:
Andwher
ewi
l
lwef
indaboat
?
Me:
I’
ll
wor
kont
hat
.
Keenan:
They
achty
ougotf
orKonhi
sbi
rt
hday
.
Me:
SeewhyIneedy
ouher
e.
Iwi
nkedathi
m andwal
kedaroundther
oom t
o
Smuggi
e,“
howlongwil
lyouneed?”
Smuggie:Justacoupl
eofhour
s,theshipmentwil
l
obv
iouslycomeinonWednesday,thesamedayas
our
s.Ijustneedtogett
hecont
ainernumber,and
we’
regoodt
ogo.Iknowaguy
.
Me:
Howmuch?
Hi
m:About100.
Me:
Okgeti
tdone.Canehowi
sthet
rai
ninggoi
ng?
Cane:
Good,
theywer
en’
tthatbad.
Me:That’
sgood,nowSnakeIwanty
out
ogetSuzi
e
andDragoint
oshapetoo.
Snake:
Suzi
edoesn’
tneedt
rai
ning;
Idi
dthatl
ong
ti
meago.
Me:Good,wel
lDrago!OnWednesdayIneedAbebi
andKat
eherejusti
ncaseanythi
nghappens,
make
sur
eyou’
reavail
abl
ethatni
ghtok?
Thebothnoddedanddi dn’
tsayany
thing,
Iturnedmy
at
tent
iontoKeenan“Ineedy outof
indTareckandI
wanthim st
andi
ngrighthereonThursday
.”Keenan
l
ookedatmequi zzi
call
y,“why?
”
Me:Weneedhim andt
heli
tt
lemenhehas,
weare
bui
l
dinganar
my .Hewant
sCoonasmuchasIdo.
Keenan:
Ok,
wil
ldo.
Me:
Ice,
Ihav
ethemostdi
ff
icul
ttaskf
ory
ou.
I
ce:
Not
hingi
stoodi
ff
icul
t.
Me:
IwantZenon.
Hecl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat
,“who?
”
Me:
Shar
kie,
Iwanthi
m.Wi
l
lthatbet
oodi
ff
icul
t?
Hi
m:Notatal
l
.
Me:Youneedanyoft
heguy
stohel
pyouwi
thy
our
t
ask?
Hi
m:No,
Idon’
tneedanyhel
p.
Me:
WhencanIexpecthi
m?
Hi
m:Twoweeksmaxi
mum.
Me:
I’
m gi
vi
ngy
ouoneweek.
Hedi dn’tsayanythi
ng,“
anyt
hingel
se?
”Every
one
shookt heirheads,“
Scar,
canItal
ktoyoui
npriv
ate
please?”
Hi
m:Sur
eBossLady
.

Iwal
kedoutt
heboar
droom t
otheki
tchenand
openedthefr
idge;Igotabeerforhim andmy sel
f.I
satonthecounterandli
tacigaret
te;heleaned
agai
nstthestove,“
what’
supBoss? ”
Me:
Iwasappr
oachedbya‘
Cami
l
a’f
rom Bol
i
via.
Hi
m:Appr
oached?Whatf
or?
Me:It
hinkwor
dhasgott
enar
oundt
hatI
’
mrunni
ng
shi
twhil
eKisi
nhospi
tal
.
Hi
m:Ok,
whoi
ssheandwhatdoesshewant
?
Me:
She’
sJose’
sdaught
er.
Hi
m:What
?Josedoesn’
thav
eanyki
ds.
Me:
Icheckedherout
,shei
slegi
t.
Hi
m:Sowhatdoesshewantbecauseherf
atheri
s
al
mostdeadandoutofbusi
ness?
Me:Exact
ly,
andshewantstodobusiness.She
doesn’
twantherf
ather
’sbusi
nesst
odie.
Hi
m: Wai
t,ar
eyout
ell
i
ngmewhatIt
hinky
ou’
re
t
ell
i
ngme?
Inodded,
“sheneedsf
inanci
ngandnewcl
i
ent
s.”
Him:BossLady,ify
oudot hi
sPablowil
lhav
eyour
headonaspit.Idon’
tevenwanttoknowwhatthe
Serbi
answil
ldowi t
hyourbody.
Hecri
ngedhisf
aceandgagged,
“Scar
,real
l
y.”He
l
aughed,“
Bossi
t’
syourcal
l,
andhowmuchdoesshe
want?
”
Me:
20mi
l
li
on.
Him: Wecandothatcomf
ort
abl
y.Butwhatar
ewe
gett
ingoutoft
his?
Me:
We’
repar
tner
s,60/
40.
Hi
m:40%r
eal
l
y,shecoul
dn’
tgi
veushal
f?
Me:
Weget60%
Hi
m:Hay
iBossLadyy
oupl
ayhar
dbal
l
.
Me:Idon’
tpl
ay,wasthi
nki
ngwecouldf
lyoutther
e
andchecki
toutbef
orewemakeafinal
decisi
on.
Hi
m:Ok,
I’
ll
bookt
hef
li
ght
sandsor
toutev
ery
thi
ng.
Me:
Yout
hinkt
hisi
sagoodbusi
nessdeal
?
Hi
m:Ithi
nkit
’sgr
eat
,butI’
m wor
riedaboutt
he
t
imi
ng.Withawarbr
ewing,wecan’taf
for
dtoget
di
str
act
ed.
Me:Al
ri
ght
,thanks.We’
l
ltal
ksomemor
einaf
ew
day
s.

Therestoft heguyswalkedi ntot

hekit
chenand
star
tedmaki nganoise.Theydr ankandact edstupi
d;
Iwalkedoutandwentt osi toutsi
deonthepor ch.Il
it
acigarett
e,thedooropenedandAbebi walkedout
sheturnedtogobacki nside,“Iwon’
tbi
te.”She
cameandsati nthechai
rnextt omeandl ither
ci
garette,“
howar eyou?”
Abebi
:Uhm,
I’
m okIguess.
Me:
Youguess?
Abebi:
WellI’
m employedbyadrugqueen,t
hatcan’
t
possi
blybenormal.TheboyI’
vebeendati
ngforthe
past3yearsi
sinvolvedi
nitandI
’m onl
yfi
ndingt
his
outnow.
Me:
Doesi
tscar
eyou?
Her
:No,
Ijustt
houghtIwasdonewi
tht
hisl
i
fe.
Iknewi
t!It
houghtt
omy
sel
f,nobodykeepst
hat
cal
m seei
ngbl
oodandt
oldnott
ogot
othehospi
tal
,
“whatdoyoumean.
”
Abebi:
Myf amilywasinvolv
edint
hisshit
.Nothi
ng
toohectict
houghandIlostmybrotherbecauseof
thesefeudsandthat
’swhyIwentacrosstheworld.I
wantedtojustgetoveri
t,andnowI’
m backhere.
Me:
Youdon’
twantt
obeher
e?
Her
:That
’st
het
hing,
Idon’
tknow.
Me:Wellt
hinkabouti
tandt
ellme.Ithoughtyou
woul
dwantt obeworki
ngwithKeenanandy ou
ar
en’
tdoinganythi
ngil
l
egal
right
?Hahaha, y
ouare
j
ustdoi
ngy ourj
ob.
Her
:Ha,
yeah.
Me:Thi
nkabouti
tandl
etmeknow.Igott
oget
goi
ng.

Thechickenswereclucki
ngandthestaffwer e
star
ti
ngtowork.Thiswasar eal
li
vefarm, Ilaughed
tomy sel
fandgotint
omycaranddr ovet oSpha’ s
house.Iknewhewasupatt histi
me,“heyy ou.”
Hi
m:Ar
eyouf
eel
i
nganybet
ter
?
Me:
Kindof
.
Hi
m:Soar
eyougoi
ngt
ost
opy
ourr
ubbi
sh?
Me:Ijusthav
eonel
astj
obt
odot
henIwi
l
lputi
tal
l
behi
ndme.
Hi
m:Whydi
dIev
enbot
heraski
ng?
Me:
MustImakebr
eakf
ast
?
Him:YouknowIwon’
tsaynot
othat
,letmegoget
changed.
Hegotupandstart
edwal ki
ngupt hest
air
s,“
Ineeda
f
avour.
”Hedi
dn’tstop,
hej ustshout
edbackatme,
“
I’
ll
pret
endIdi
dn’thearthat.
”
Thisguy,he’
ll
helpmewhet herhewantstoornot
.I
start
edmakingfoodforusandhecamebackdown,
“l
etmehearwhatbr i
ll
iantideay ouhavenow.
”I
roll
edmyey esathi
m, “Ineedtobeoutatseaatan
unauthori
sedti
me,Ithink.Idon’tknowhowthi
ssea
shitworks.
”
Hi
m:Whatar
eyouupt
o?
Me:Ij
ustwantt
oint
erceptacer
tai
nshi
p,Ij
ustneed
anhouror2max.
Sphacoveredhisfacewithhishands,
“Idon’
tknow
whyI’
ml ett
ingyoudothis.Whenisthisgoi
ng
down?”Ilookedathim shocked,
“Uhm Wednesday.
”
Him: Letmeguess,
youwantt
ogoal
lpi
rat
eon
Spider’
sproduct
?
Ijustsmiledandcont i
nuedt ocook,Sphagotupand
Icouldfeelhi m behindme.Hewasn’ ttouchingme
butIknewhewasst andingthereandIdidn’tknow
why .Iheardhim opent hefri
dgeandIfinal
lyt urned
aroundandt ookthebr eakfastandputitont he
i
slandandwesati nsilentuntil
hespoke, “
wi l
l you
reall
ydropt hisafterWednesday ?”Il
etoutasi gh,
“I’
m goingawayf or4mont hssoobv iousl
y.”
Spha:Idon’twantanyt
hingtohappentoyouThando,
andI’m scaredy
ouwi l
lgetsuckedi
ntothi
sli
feand
won’teverwanttoleave.
Me:Tellme,
howcomey
ouknowsomuchabout
t
hisdrugshi
t?
Spha:
Ha,
I’
dhav
etoki
l
lyoui
fIt
oldy
ou.Nowon
Wednesdaywedot
hingsmyway
.
Me:
Thi
sismyoper
ati
on.
Hi
m:Soy
oudon’
tneedmyhel
p?
Me:
Whyy
ouhav
etobel
i
ket
hat
?
Hi
m:Whyar
eyousof
ucki
ngst
ubbor
n?

Ididn’
tanswerhi m,weat eandIcl eanedup.Il eft,
therestoft heweekwasunev entful Wednesday
nightweal lmetatSpha’ swor kandboar dedt heshi p
andwentoutt osea.Sphawas‘ incharge’ Ineeded
him andt herewasnot hi
ngIcoul ddoabouti t,hehad
2ofhi sboy stheretooandwemett heshi patt he
l
ocat i
onagr eedandwai tedf orabout30mi nut esand
theshipappear ed,myhear twasbeat i
ngf ast.The
shipstoppedandweal l
boar dedandt hesni per s
cli
mbedont opofthecont ainerstogetav iewf rom
above.Wewentupanddownt heshi plookingf orthe
containerandt henawhi stlecamef rom theot her
sideandt hatwasasi gnal thatsomeonehadf ound
i
t.Weal lrushed, t
heyhadcutt helockandwer e
openingt hedoorwhenIgott here.Icepulledt he
dooropenandgunsst artedgoi ngoffIdrewmygun
andshotst rai
ghtaheadandgotoneguyandr anfor
cover,nextthi
ngIfallt
ot hef l
oorandf eelt
hepai nin
myhi p.Itouchmyhi pandt herei sbl
ood,Iletouta
scream loudestever
.Icouldn’tgetbackuponmy
feet,andtheshotsfi
nall
yst opped.Sphawas
shout i
ngoutmyname, “Thando! !Wherethef uckis
she?Thando! ”
Me:
Spha!
Hecamer unni
ngt ome, “
fuck!
”Hepickedmeupand
walkedwithme; Ilookedoverhi
sshoulderandcould
seetheguy swalkingaroundwithduf
felbags.I
couldn’
tfeelmybody ,Iwaslosi
ngbloodandt hen
nextthi
ngIwasl ightsout.

Nextthi
ngIwokeupandwasi nthef
armhousei n
oursmallmini
hospit
al.IwasonthebedandI cewas
onthebednexttome.Hehadanoxy genmaskon,
“No…no…no…I ce.
”Isatupinmybedandpai nshot
ri
ghtt
hroughbybody,myhi pwasthr
obbing.Igot
thebl
anketsoffmeandgotoffthebedlandingon
theuni njuredleg.Ihoppedacr osst her oom tohis
bed, Istumbl edandal mostf el
l,andIgott ohim.He
wast oplesswi t
hbandagesar oundhi sabdomi nal
areaandhi st hi
gh,“fuckinghell
”Isaidt omy self
.I
l
impedt othedoorandopenedi t,
Sphast oodthere
holdingat rayoffood, “
Youshoul dn’tbeoutofbed. ”
Heputt het rayont hefloorandpickedmeupand
putmebackont hebed.Andwentt of etchthetray,
heputi tont hetablenexttomybed, “
y ouneedt o
eat.”Hegav emet hebowl ,“
whathappened? ”
Spha:theyknewyouwer
ecomingandt
heywer
e
wait
ingforusinsi
det
hetr
ail
er.
Me:
andmymen?
Spha:Ev
eryonei
sfi
ne,
Icei
stheonl
yonewhowas
badl
yhurt.
Me:
Isheal
ri
ght
?
Spha,thebul
l
etpunctur
edhi
slungsohe’
sbr
eat
hing
i
sn’t100%buthewill
liv
e.
Me:
Andt
hepr
oduct
?
Spha:
Basement
,pl
easeeaty
ourf
ood.
Hel etoutasi ghandIst art
edeat i
ng, her ubbedhis
eyesandst oodupandwal kedaway .“SphaI ’
m
sorry,”hestoppedandt urnedar oundt of aceme.His
eyeswer ef i
ll
edwithtears,“youar enotsor r
yThando,
Iwar nedyoubuty ou’rejusttofuckinghar d-
headed.
Youdon’ tli
sten,andoneoft heseday sy ouar egoi
ng
togety ourselfandtheseboy skill
ed!Thandost op
thi
s, I
’m notreadytolosey ou.”Het urnedback
aroundandwal kedout .
Iwasleftt
her
ethinki
ngaboutwhathesai dtome,
andmyey est
earedup,Idi
dn’tcrythough.Iwiped
them dr
yandatemyf ood,Abebicamei n.she
smil
edatme, “
howar eyoufeel
ing?”
Me:
I’
minpai
n.
Her:
Youshouldbegl
adyouhadSphather
e,i
fhe
wasn’
tatr
ainedmari
ney
ouwouldhavebledouton
t
heboat.
Ididn’
tknowwhattosayandIj
ustsmil
edather
,she
gavememyt abl
etsandItookt
hem,“doIhavet
o
stayhere?
”
Her
:Justf
ort
henextcoupl
eofhour
sandt
henwe’
l
l
moveyoutot
hebedroom.
Icouldn’tsither enexttoIce,“
I’mf i
nethough,I
’m not
i
npai n.”Sheshookherheadandt ookmydi rt
y
dishesandl eft
.Ilayont hebedandl ookedatIce
andIst artedcr yi
ng,everyonearoundmewasget ting
hurt.Fi
rstKhenan, t
henSnakeandnowI ce.What
wasIt hinkingt hatI
’m cutforthis?Whoam I ?Justa
cheforphan! !Igotmyphoneanddi all
edKhenan’s
numberandIl i
stenedtohi svoicemailoverandover
againtil
l Idrif
tedoff.

Inthemor ni
ngAbebi cameinandshet oldmeshe
wasmov i
ngme.Shechangedmydr essing,Ididn’t
speaktoher.Shedidwhatshewasher ef or
,and
wentout,call
edSphat otakemet othebedr oom.He
tookmei nhisarmsandt ookmeasi nstructed.And
heputmeont hebed; mybagwassi tti
ngont he
fl
oorintheroom alr
eady.Isatintheroom f orhour s
andthenwentt obath;Iobvi
ouslycouldn’tgetinto
theshowerorbathsoIhadt ohaveadr ybat h.Iwent
i
ntothebedr oom i
nmyt owel andfoundSphasi tt
ing
ont hebedwi t
hf oodforme.Il ookedi nthebagand
therewasn’tanythingIcouldweari nthere,Igrabbed
thesilkgowni ntheclosetandputi toninf r
ontof
Spha.Iwasnotmov edbyhi spresence, Igotinto
bedandhehandedmet het r
ayandIat e.WhenIwas
donehet ookt hedishes,“
y oucan’ ti
gnoreme
forever.
”Igotinthecov er
sandgr abbedmyphone
andcal l
edKhenan’ snumberagai nandt histi
mei t
rang,myhear tnearlyjumpedoutofmychest ;what
thehell!
!Isatupst rai
ghtandt herewasnoanswer ,i
t
wentst r
aighttov oi
cemail.Idi
alledt henumber
againandKeenanpi ckedup, “
thef uckKeenan, why
i
st hisphoneon? ”
Hi
m:Ineededsomecont
act
soni
t.
Me:
SWI
TCHI
TOFF!
!
[
11/
23,
17:
18]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode71

Thi
sisthelastpostf
ornow.Wi
l
lpostagai
nnext
weekTuesday.
Doenj
oyt
heEast
erWeekendandpl
easebesaf
e
guy
s!!
Don'
tfor
gett
oli
ke,
commentandShar
e!!
!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Iwassoangr y,
forasecondIwasexpect ingKhenan
toanswer .Idrift
edtosleep.Nexttwoweekswer e
unev entful,Scarwentt omeetupwi t
hCami laand
thedeal wasst ruckandproducti
onwasont heway.
Thehot el swer eworkingwellandsower ethe
restaurant s.Iwasleavingsoonforchopped.Spha
wasn’ ttalkingtome, hisphonewasf or
everon
voicemai landhenev ercamebyt ocheckonme.I t
wasf r
ust r
at i
ng!
Iwasbackathomeandact
ive,
event
houghIwas
st
il
lont
hewal
ki
ngst
ickbutIcoul
ddot
hingsonmy
own.

Iwokeupt othesoundoftalki
ngint
hepassage,I
wasst i
l
lhalfasl
eepwhenKhensaniopenedthe
bedroom doorandwalkedin,“
goodmorningsl
eepy
head.”
Me:
Khensani
?
Her
:Theoneandonly,
whyar
eyousl
eepi
ngonsuch
abeaut
if
ulmorni
ng?
Me:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Her:Ouch!Thekidswant
edtocome;
theyhav
en’
t
seenthei
rfatheri
nfor
ever
.
Shecoul
dhavecal
l
edf
ir
st,
butIl
eti
tsl
i
de.“
Hav
e
youguyseat
en?
”
Her
:Icamewi
tht
hei
rnannysodon’
twor
ryabout
t
hathoney
.
Me:Ok,l
etmegeti
nanot
herhourofsl
eep,
I’
ll
see
youguy
sinabi
t.
Her
:Al
ri
ght
.

Shecl osedthedoor ,andIwasal it

tl
ebitannoyed
actually
.Butheyt heyar efamil
yandIcannotdo
anythingtochanget hat.Idial
ledKhenanagainand
l
istenedt ohi
sv oicemai labout10ti
mesbef or
e
getti
ngup.Imadet hebedandgotdr essedbefore
goingdownst air
s, t
heki dsweresit
ti
ngaroundthe
dini
ngr oom tableeating.Iputasmileonmyf ace,
“Goodmor ni
ngguy s.”
Them:
HiAuntThando.
Me:
Howar
eyou?
Lakhi wedi dn’tanswerhej ustkepteat i
nghi sf ood,
Khany i wit
ht hesweet estvoiceev er,“
I’
mf ineaunt y,
j
ustt ired.Doy ouknowhowl ongwe’ vebeeni nthe
ai
rf or? ”Sher olledherey es,shewaskneel ingont he
chair,andIshookmyhead.“ Don’tjuststandt here
andt henIwi l
l telly
oual laboutit,
”shest uffeda
sausagei nhermout h.Ipull
edoutachai randsat
acrossherandst art
eddi shi
ngupf ormy self.She
startedagai nwi thhermout hf ul
l
,“ f
ir
stl
yIhav en’t
seendaddysi ncesinceandItoldmymommyt o
takemeher e,cany oubeli
evewhatshemademe
do?”Iobviouslycouldn’
timaginesoIshookmyhead.
“ShesaidImustpackmyownbagbecauseI ’
m abig
girl
andImakedemands.I swantingt
oseedaddya
demand? ”Ihadt oholdmy sel
ffrom l
aughi
ng,“
notat
all
,agir
lneedst oseeherdaddy ”
Her:mypoi ntexactl
y.Si
nceI’
m smart(she
whispered)IpaidJennyli
kea50poundsoshecan
packforme.Any wayswewer ei
ntheskyforl
ike12
hourswi t
houtanystops,andthemoviesIhadto
pi
ckf r
om wer en’
teventhatgood.
Me:
Thatsucks.
Her
:Ext
remel
y,buti
t’
sal
lov
ernow.
Me:Youguy
swi
l
lneedt
orestaf
tersuchal
ong
f
li
ght.
Her
:Yeah,
whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Wow, t
hisgi
rldoesn’
tholdback,
“It
’sKhenan’s
gi
rl
fr
iendyouidiot
.”Lakhi
weanswer edandthenkept
qui
et.
Khany
i:Mommysai
dyoucan’
tcal
ldadbyhi
sfi
rst
name.
Lakhi
we:
Mxm,
what
ever
.
Shet henturnedtolookatme,“areyoudaddy’
s
gir
lf
riend?”Lucki
lyKeenanwalkedinandsavedme,
“shewi l
lmar r
yyourfat
herwhenhei soutof
hospital
.”Khanyij
umpedof ft
hechairint
ohisarms,
“Imissedy ousomuch, youdon’tcal
lmeanymore.”
Keenan:
I’
vebeenbusy
.
Khany
i:That
’snotgoodenough.
Lakhi
we:
Didy
ougeti
t?
Keenan:
Ist
hathowy
ougr
eety
ourf
avour
it
euncl
e?
Lakhi
wedr aggedhi msel fupandwentt ohug
Keenan;hewasbot heredbymypr esenceanddi dn’
t
eventrytohideit
.Theyhadal i
tt
lefamilymeet i
ng,
andjokedtogether.Ireallyfeltoutofplace,
“list
en
KeenanIneedt ogot omyhouseandgetaf ew
thi
ngs.I’
l
lbebackal i
ttlebitlaterok.”Hegav emea
l
ookandIshookmyhead, Iknewhewasaski ngi fi
t
wasforbusiness.Ileftthem andwentt omyhouse; I
wenti nt ot hest udyt ocheckaf ewemai ls.Iwasn’ t
heret odoany thingr eal l
y,Iwentt ot hekit chenand
goti cecr eam andchampagneandwentbackt othe
studyIwasont hecomput erf oraboutanhouranda
halfwhent hedooropenedIl ookedupandgott he
biggestf right.Sphast oodt her ewi thaduf fel bag,he
didn’tsmi l
eandIdi dn’ tknowhowt ofeel abouthi s
return.Ilookedathi m anddi dn’tsayany thing, he
wal kedi nandputt hebagont opofmykey boar d
andsi gnalledf ormet oopeni t.Iputt hei cecr eam
tubasi deandopenedt hebag; Ijumpedupf rom my
seat ,“WHATTHEFUCKSPHA? ?HAVEYOUGONE
INSANE? ?”Iwasshaki ng, “ist hisnotwhaty ou
want ed?Her ehei s,youwant edhi m deadr i
ght ?Are
youhappynow?What ’snext , Zenon?Hewi llbeher e
thedayaf tertomor row.Whataf t
erthat ?Coon?Must
Ikillhimf ory oual so?Wi llyoust opt hisrubbi sh
whenhei sdead? ”Idi dn’tknowhowt orespondt o
hisquest ions,“gett hatheadoutofmyf ucki ng
house.You’ r
esi cky ouknowt hat,thisissi ck!Get
out!”Hewal kedoutl eav ingt hehead; fuckt hisboy
wast estingmet oday .Idi alledI cet ocomehel pme
witht his,Iwasconf usedanddi dn’tknowwhatt odo
aboutwhatSphahadaskedme.
I
cewasther
ewithi
n10mi
nut
es,
“whatdoy
ouwant
metodowit
hitboss?
”
Me:Senditt
ohisgangasamessage.Andwhat
happenedwi
thZenon?
Him:Not
hing,
Coondoesn’
thav
ehi
m.Nobody
knowswherehei
s.
Me:
Hewi
l
lbeher
einaf
ewday
s.
Hi
m:How?
Me:
Spha.
Hi
m:I
’
m sor
ryboss.
Me: Don’
tworryaboutit
;you’
rest
il
lrecover
ingfr
om
theshooti
ng.Iknowy ouweregoi
ngt ogetthej
ob
doneifyouwerefitenough.Nowpleasegetri
dof
thathead.
Hechuckledandwalkedoutcarryi
ngtheduffelbag,I
sprayedmyoffi
cewithairf
reshenereventhoughit
didn’
tsmell
.Iwentoutsi
deforacigarett
eand
conti
nuedwithwork.Iwant
edt ogoseeKhenanbut
hi
skidswantedtoseehim soIdidn’twanttobein
theway,Ideci
dedtocallKhensanit
ocheckwhere
theywer
e.Shedidn’tanswerthephone,It
ri
edher
sever
alt
imesanddeci dedtojustgotothehospi
tal
.
Theyweren’tt
her
esoIspentt imewithKhenanunti
l
Keenancall
edme, “
wher ear
ey ou?”
Me:
Hospi
tal
,what
’swr
ong?
Keenan:
I’
m ki
ndofhungr
yandt
her
eisnot
hingt
o
eat
.
Me:
I’
ll
getsomet
hingont
heway
,what
-
Keenan:
No!You’
recooki
ng.
Me:
Keenan,
I’
mti
red.Nott
oday
.
Keenan:Sowill
youfeedt
hechi
l
drent
akeouton
thei
rfi
rstni
ghther
e?
Me:
Usi
ngt
heki
ds?That
’sr
eal
grownofy
ou.
Keenan:
Haha,
Ilov
eyout
ooSi
si.

Idrovehome,every
onewast herebesi
desKhensani
.
Igreet
edeveryone,
andsignall
edKeenantocomet o
thekit
chen,
“whereisshe?”Helookedatme
conf
used,“canyoubeal i
tt
lemor especi
fi
cpl
ease?
”
Iwhi
spered,“Khensani?”helookedatmeandshrug
hi
sshoulders,“
haven’tseenherallday.
”
Me:Shewassupposedt otaketheki
dstot
he
hospi
talandI’
vebeentr
yingtogetahol
dofherandI
can’
tseem toreachher
.
Hi
m:Whyar
eyouwor
ri
edaboutwher
eshei
s?
Me:Uhm,maybebecauseshel
eftt
heki
dsand
di
sappear
ed(
sarcasm)
Him:Shedidn’
tdisappear
,shel
ovest
heseki
dsand
shewouldn’
tleav
et hem.
Me:
Ok.
Iwenti ntothekit
chenandst artedonsupper ,Khanyi
walkedi ntothekitchen,“whatar eyoudoi ng?”Oh
goshwhatnow, “
I’m makingsupper .”Shepul l
edt he
barst oodopenandl ookedatme, Iknewshewant ed
met ohel pherupbecauseshewast ooshor t.I
pickedherupandputheront hechai r
,“thanky ou,
canIhav esomej uice.
”Ipouredherj uiceandt hen
continueddr i
nki
ngmywi newhi l
ecooki ng.“My
mommyl iketodri
nkwi netoo, buthersi sli
ghtnot
darkl i
kethat
.”becauseyourmotherdoesn’
tknow
winel i
keIdo,Ithoughti
nmyhead.Thi schi
ldi
sjust
toor andom,“didyourmom takeyoutoseeyour
father?”Sheshookherhead, “
doy ouwantmeto
takey outomor r
ow?”Sheshookherheadagain,
“Mommywi l
ltakeustomorrow.”
Me:
Ok.
Her
:Wheny
ouandmydaddygetmar
ri
ed,
arey
ou
goi
ngt
obemymommy ?
Me:
Youonl
yhav
eonemommy
,andt
hati
sKhensani
.
Her
:SowhydoesLaki
sayy
ou’
ret
ryi
ngt
orepl
ace
mommy?
Me:
Idon’
tknow,
whendi
dhesayt
hat
?
Her:Todayandt
het
imewewer
eint
hecarcomi
ng
overhere.
Me:
I’
m nother
etor
epl
acey
ourmot
her
.
Her
:Butwhati
fIwanty
out
obemymommy
?
Me:
Whywoul
dyouwantt
hat
?
Her
:Becausey
oucook,
andy
ougoi
ngt
omar
rymy
dad.Si
ncemycurr
entmommyisnotmarr
iedt
o
daddyanymor
e,y
ougettot
akeherpl
ace.
Me:
Andwhathappenst
oKhensani
?
Sheshruggedhershoul
der
s,“
doy
ouhav
eany
chi
ldr
en?”
Me:
No.
Her
:Buty
ou’
reol
d,ol
dpeopl
ehav
echi
l
dren.

Okthi
schi
lddoesn’
tst
op;
Iwant
edt
oputt
apeov
er
hermout
h.
Me:Iam wai
ti
ngtogetmar
ri
edandt
henhav
e
babi
eswithy
ourdaddy.
Her:
SoIwon’ tbebabyany more?Someoneel
sewil
l
bebaby !I
’dli
kethat.SeeI’
m gett
ingol
dernowand
I
’mliketheonl yoneintheclasswhoisababyat
home, every
onei sabigsist
erorbrot
her.
Me:Onedayy ouwi l
lbeabigsi
stertoosomeday
,
don’
trushitbecauseever
yonewill
stopspoi
li
ngyou
andspoilt
hebaby .
Her:Everyonebutuncl
eKeenan,hel
ovesme.I’
m his
favour
iteniecesochancesoft
hathappeni
ngar
elike
naught!
!
Ilaughedt omy selfandcont i
nuedcooki ng.We
spokesomeandIdi shedupandweal lat
e.Abebi
wasspendi ngt henighther eagai n;thekidswentto
bathwhi leIloadedt hedi shesi nthewasherandhad
aci garet
te.Iheadedt other oom, If
oundKhany ion
thebedi nherpi nkgownshel ookedatme.What ’
s
thisnow?Iaskedmy self,sheanswer edasifshe
knewwhatIwast hinki ng,“Ialway ssleepherewhen
Icomet oSout hAf ri
ca. ”Ohi si t?“noproblem sweet
y,
I’
llj
ustgrabmyt hingsandsl eepinthespar eroom.”
Iwal kedtowar dst hecl osets, “butyou’r
emynew
mommysoy ousl eepher et oo.”
Me:
Ohsweet
y,I
’
m noty
ournewmommyj
usty
et.
Her
:Buty
ouwi
l
lbe,
don’
tmakemebegy
ou.

Ihadtohol
dmyt ear
sincozthischi
ldi
stoosweet
,
“Ineedt
otakeashower,I
’l
lberi
ghtback.
”She
nodded,
“don’
ttaket
oolong,yousti
l
lneedtor
ead
meast
ory
.”
Me:
Yesma’
am.

Itookaquickshowerandgotdressedinmy
pyjamasandgotintobedwit
hher ,
“sowhatam I
readi
ngyou?”shehandedmeabookandi twas
Rapunzel
,Ihadn’
treadany
thingtoanyonebefor
e.
Me:
Youl
i
ket
hisbook?
Her
:Yeah,sheislikeyou.Shehasl
ongpret
tyhai
r
j
ustl
ikeyours.Butshe’swhit
eandyou’
renot
.
Me:
Ok,
let
’sst
art
.
Longago,akingandqueenhadababydaught er
namedRapunzel.Whatherdevot
edparent
sdidn’t
knowwast hatRapunzel
’
sgoldenhai
rcont
ained
magical
healingpowers.

Il
ookeddownathereandshewasn’tpayi
ng
att
entiont
omeshewasf i
ddli
ngwiththeendsofmy
hair
.“Youwantmeconti
nue?”sheshookherhead,
“I
’v
er eadi
tamil
li
onti
mes,Iknowitoffbyhear
tnow.
Aselfi
sholdwomannamedMot herGot
helknewof
themagicinRapunzel
’
shai
randwanteditt
okeep
hersel
fyoung.
Sosheki
dnappedt
hebabyandr
aisedherinat
ower
deepi
nthewoods,
nevert
ell
i
ngherthatsh-
“
Me:
OkIgett
hepoi
nt.

Iputthebookaway,andtuckedheri
nandswit
ched
thel
ightsoff
.Icoul
dfeel
herey esonmeint
hedark,
“whatisit
?”
Her
:Cany
out
akemet
oseedaddyt
omor
row.
Me:
ButIt
houghty
ourmom wi
l
ltakey
ou?
Her:
Wel lshesaidshewil
ltakeust
odaybutshe
di
dn’t
,Ican’tt
rustherany
mor e.
Me:
Ok,
we’
l
lgot
omor
rowi
ntheaf
ter
noon.
Sheputherti
nyhandsar
oundme, “
you’r
egoi
ngto
bethebest
estmotherev
er.Pl
easesingmeasong.”
Me:
Whatsong?
Her
:Anysong,
whatdi
dyourmommysi
ngt
oyou?
Ibrushedherhai
rjustl
i
kemymotherusedt
obr
ush
minewi t
hherhandsandst
art
edsi
nging,
“Lul
laby,
andgoodni ght,i
ntheski
esst ar
sarebri
ght
.
Mayt hemoon’ssilverybeamsbr i
ngy ousweet
dreams?Closey ourey esnowandr estmaythese
hoursbeblessed.Tillthesky’
sbri
ghtwi t
hdawn,
wheny ouwakewi thay awn.
Lull
aby,
andgoodnight
,youaremother
’sdel
i
ght
.I’
l
l
prot
ectyouf
rom harm,andy
ou’l
lwakeinmyarms.
Sleepy
head,cl
osey ourey
es,forI’
mrightbesidey ou.
Guardi
anangelsarenear,sosleepwi
thoutf ear.
Lull
aby,andgoodni
ght,wit
hrosesbedight.Lil
ies
overheadlaytheedowninthybed.”
IhadtearsrunningdownmycheekswhenIf i
nished
thesongandshewasf astasleep.Iwi
shKhenan
washer etoseet hi
s;hewouldhav el
ovedt
oseeme
bondingwithhisdaughter
.
Ijustdi
dn’
tunderst
andwhyIwasgoi ngt
hroughall
thiswit
houthi
m.Imi ssedhi
m sosomuch.Khanyi
wassnor i
ngnexttomeandIf el
lasl
eepsoonaft
er.
[
11/
23,
17:
19]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode72

Iwokeupwi tht
inyhandspl
ayingwi
thmyfaceand
hai
r;Iopenedoneeye,“Mor
ningmommy.”
Me:
Howar
eyoumybaby
?
Her
:Sobor
ed,
you’
vebeensl
eepi
ngf
orsol
ong.
Me:
I’
m upnow,
whatwoul
dyouwantt
odo?
Her
:Iwantt
oswi
m.
Me:Ok,teet
h,br
eakf
astandswi
m.Howdoest
hat
sound?
Her
:Gr
eat
.

Wewenti ntothebat hroom andbr ushedourteeth

andwashedourf aces.Weheadeddownst ai
rs,
int
o
thekit
chenandIputheront hebarst ool,
“sowhat
wil
litbe?”shelookedatme, Iimmedi atel
yknewshe
wasgoi ngtobedi f
ficult
,"Pancakes!”
Me:
Icandot
hat
,wantj
uice?
Her
:mi
l
kshake.
Me:
Whatdoy
out
hinkt
hisi
s?
Her
:HaHa,
Ithi
nky
ou’
resuper
man.
Me:
I’
m sol
d.

Imadeherami l
kshakeandt hent hepancakes, eggs,
baconandaf ruitsal
ad.Ilai devery t
hingont het abl
e
andmov edKhany itothedi ningroom t abl
eandwent
towakeev er
yoneup.Lakhi wedi sheduphi spl ate
andwentt ositint helounge, “Lakhiwe, wedon’ teat
i
nt helounge.Youcanwat chTVaf t
erbreakf ast.”He
cont i
nuedwalkingandshout ed,“Thisisnoty our
house! !
”Thisboyi sgetti
ngonmyl astner
v e, Igav e
Keenant helookandhej ustshr ugged.Thi sboyi s
disrespect
ful;
Icont i
nuedwi theat i
ngandt hen
cleanedupaf tereverybody .Khany iandIwentt o
takeabat handweendedupf al
li
ngasl eepand
endedupnotswi mming.Wegotupandgotdr essed
andmadeourwayt othehospi t
al toseeherf ather.I
call
edmymom t ocomewi thusbecauseIdon’ t
knowhowKhany i
woul dhandl eseei ngherf atheri n
t
hatst
ate.

Mymom wasal r
eadyi nther
oom whenwegott here,
“andwhoi sthiscutey?”shepickedKhany iup,“I
’
m
Khany i
,andy ouaremymommy ’smommy ?”Mom
l
etoutal augh,“yougotthatri
ght.”Khanyihugged
herandmymom l ookedatmeov erhershoulderand
Ijustshrugged.
Mom putherontopofKhenan’sbedandIsatdown
onthecouch,sheplayedwit
hhisfaceandear
s.She
keptmovingherfacesidet
oside,
“whyishenot
mov i
ng?
”
Mom:He’
sinadeepsl
eep;t
hedoct
orswi
l
lwake
hi
m upwhenhei
sbett
er.
Her
:Andwhenwi
l
lthatbe?
Mom:
Wedon’
tknowy
et.
Her
:Hm

Sheconti
nuedplayi
ngwi
thherf
ather
’sf
aceand
thent
urnedaround,“
wecangonow.Idon’
twantt
o
seehiml iket hi
s,he’sbor i
ng.”Sheputherhandsup
wantingmet opi ckherup, andMom pi ckedherup,
“we’
llbeout side.”Inoddedandshel eft,Il
ookedat
Khenan’sl i
felessbody.Hehadl ostwei ghtandhe
l
ookedpal eandcr usty.Ikissedhismout h,“Ilove
yourdaught ersomuch, andshei ssuchadel ight.I
wishy ouwer eher etoseeust ogether,shecallsme
mommy .
”Ishedat ear,“butLakhiwehat esmeso
much, hedi dn’tevenwantt ocomeseey ouwi thme.
Ican’
tdot hiswithoutyou.Khensani upandl eftand
sheisn’tpickingupmycal ls.”
Istartedcryingharder,
“babypleasecomebackto
me, Ijustcan’t
!”Icri
edonhischest,andthen
cal
meddownIcl eanedmy sel
fupandwentoutt o
mom andKhany iandIfoundthem havi
ngafat
conv ersat
ion.
Me:
I’
m done,
shoul
dwedoaear
lydi
nner
?
Mom:
Sor
rybabybutIneedt
omeetupwi
thy
ourdad.

Wehuggedandthensheki
ssedKhanyi
andsheleft
,
“
guessi
t’
sjusty
ouandmebuddy .What’
sforl
unch?”
Her
:Icecr
eam!
!Icecr
eam!
!
Me:
Notachance.
Her:Mydaddywoul
dhav
esai
dyesi
fhewasn’
thal
f
dead.
Me:Iknowt
hati
snott
rue,
you’
rel
uckyy
ou’
recut
e.
Let
’sgo.

Sheranaheadofmetothecarandwemadeour
waytoGelat
oMania,“
youhavi
ngawaff
le,
youcan’
t
eati
cecream oni
tsown.
”
Shegot2waf fl
esand3di fferentt
y pesofi cecr eam
and6di ff
erenttoppings.Ther ewillbenosl eeping
tonight.Ifi
nishedmyi cecream whi leshewasst i
ll
eating,“li
stenHun, Ijustwantt ocallyourmom
alri
ght.Wi l
l y
oubef ineher e?”Shenodded; Itookmy
bagandwentout side.Iwat chedhert hrought he
glassandIt ri
edtocal lKhensani,shedi dn’
tpi ckup.
WhenIt ri
edt hesecondt imeandi twentst raightto
voicemai l
.Howcoul dshej ustupandl eave, t
hese
childr
enhadt obei nschool andshedeci dest odo
thisbullshit
.Idial
ledI ceandhepi ckedupont he
f
ir
str
ing,
“BossLady
.”
Me:
Ineedaf
avor
,buti
t’
sper
sonal
.
Il
ookedatKhanyieat
ingherwaffl
eandmessingher
sel
f,Ismil
edt
omy sel
f,“yesBossLady
?”Ice
i
nter
ruptedme,“
Ineedy outofi
ndKhensanif
orme.”
I
ce:
Khenan’
swi
fe?
Me:
That
’sr
ight
.
Hi
m:Cool
lat
er.
Me:
Youar
en’
tgoi
ngt
oaskwhy
?
Hi
m:Nope.
Hecutt hecall
;Il
ookedov eratKhany iandsawa
ref
lect
ionintheshopwi ndow,abl ackSUV.Ididn’t
mov eandwat chedtheguylookingst r
aightatme
andIknewhewasn’ taf ri
end.IdialedKeenan,“sup?”
Me:
Wher
ear
eyou?
Hi
m:Whydoy
-
Me:
Comepi
ckupKhany
i,I
’
m bei
ngf
oll
owed.
Icutt hecal landgav ehi m anaddr ess, andt henI
stay edt herepr etendi ngt obeont hephoneunt il
Keenangott here.Hewal kedi nsi dewi thoutt al ki
ng
orev enl ooki ngatme.Isawhi m gett oKhany i and
shej umpedont ohi sl apandIknewshewassaf e.I
wal kedt omycarandgoti n.Isatt heref oraf ew
mi nut esandt henst ar t
edt hecaranddr ovesl owl y,
theSUVst ar t
edf oll
owi ngme, Itookal eftandsodi d
thecar .Thedr i
verwas2car sbehi ndmeandIt r
ied
tocal lKeenant ogi vehi m acl earbutt hel inewas
j
ammed.Ikeptondr i
v i
ng, Ithoughtt omy selfI
wasn’ tgoi ngt ogetawayf rom t heseguy s,Itookmy
gunoutoft hecubbyhol eandpl acedi tintomyl ap
anddr ov eon; Itooksev eral t
urnsandendedupi nan
all
ey , andt hecarf ollowedmei nside.Igott ot he
deadendandIst oppedt hecarwi ththeengi nest i
l
l
runni ng, thecarst oppedt ooandt hemani nthe
passengerseatgotoutandwal kedt owar dsmycar .I
sawhi sf aceandhedi dn’tseem t ocare, Irolled
downmywi ndowandbef orehecoul ddr awhi sgunI
rever sedasf astasIcoul d, smashi nghi m bet ween
mymust angandt heSUV.ThenIst opped, Ist epped
outoft hecarandsodi dt hedr iv er
.Itwasn’ toneof
Spi
der
’smen,Idi
dn’
trecogni
zet
hiswhi
teguy
,andI
hadmyweapondrawnbuthedidn’
t.
Me:
Whyshoul
dn’
tIki
l
lyourassouti
nthi
sal
l
ey?
Hedi dn’
treplyandItookaf ewstepstowardshi m
until
hispartnerwasinmyv i
ewandhewascr y i
ng
outinpain,“Becauseyouarenotmeantt okill
.”I
l
ookedathi m, whatthefuck,Ir
aisedmypieceand
shothispartnerintheshoulder
,“whatwasthat ?”he
didn’
tlookshocked, “
I’
m notheretokil
lyou,Ij
ust
needf oryoutocomewi t
hme. ”
Me:
Real
l
ynow?Andy
ouar
e?
Hi
m:Zeesentus?
Me:
Hedi
d,di
dn’
the?Whydi
dn’
thecal
lme?
Hi
m:Thandodon’
tbedi
ff
icul
t.
Theotherguycriedoutinpai
nandIwasdi stract
ed
l
ookingathim andtheotherguygrabbedmygun
andkickedmet otheground,“
youshouldli
sten
younglady!
”Hepi ckedmeupandputmei nt he
passengerseatofmycar ,
andhegoti nt
othe
dri
ver’
sseat.Hemov edthecarfor
war dandhis
fri
endf ellt
ot hegr ound.“ Whatdoy ouwantf rom
me? ”Hedi dn’tsayany thingbutwai tedforhi sf r
iend
togeti ntotheSUVandwedr ov eof f ,Iwasgoi ngt o
dieandIdi dn’tev enknowwhohadsentt hese
fucker s.Wedr oveadi stanceandgott oaf uckedup
war ehouseandt heguypoi nt edagunatme,
“WALK! ”Iopenedt hedoorandwal kedoutwi thmy
straightf aceon, Iwast erri
fiedt osayt heleast !We
wal kedi nandt hewar ehousewasanopenspace
andt herewasnot hi ngIit.Theguyl eftment he
middl eandIst oodar oundl ooki ngatmy
surroundi ngs.ThenIhear dheel swal kingtomebut
i
twasal i
ttl
ebitdar k,
thenCi ndyappear edinf rontof
me, “real
lyCindy ?Whati sthi s?”shedi dn’
tsay
any thingbutIf eltanunexpect edpunchonmyj aw
andIf ellontothef l
oor,andsheki ckedmei nther ib
cage.Ist ayeddownanddi dn’ tmov eorsayany thi
ng;
Ididn’ tevent ouchwher esheki ckedme, “
wher ei s
hey oul i
ttl
ebitch? ”Ilookedupatherandscanned
ther oom, i
twasj ustmeandher ,andshedi dn’ t
seem t ohav eaweapononher .Iknewshewasnot
goingt otouchmebecauseZenonwoul dkillher .I
l
ookedupather ,“Whatar ey out alkingabout ?”She
kickedmeagai n,“yout hinkI ’
m st upid?Wher et he
fucki smyhusband? ”shel i
ftedherl egt oki ckme
agai n,Icl osedmyey esandaut omat icallythoughtof
Dumi sani ’
st r
aining,Igrabbedherl egmi dai rand
pulledhert ot hegr oundandshef ellhitti
ngherhead
andl ettingoutal oudcr y .Iclimbedont oherand
punchedherf ace,“you( punch)hav e( punch)gott he
(punch)f uckingdamnner ve”shest ruggl edandt r
ied
togetmeof f,Igrabbedbot hherar msandusedmy
bodywei ghttopi nherdownunt i
lourey esmetandI
wasspeaki ngi ntohermout h!“Listenher eandl i
sten
wel l
, Irespecty oubecausey ouar emyf ather ’swife.
Idonothav etor especty ouatal l,may bemymot her
l
ety ouhav eiteasybutIwi l
l not.Zenoni sonhi sway
i
fhei snother eal r
eady ,andt hatisal lmywor k.You
sitar oundanddi dnot hi
ngbutcangetat eam t o
attackmewi thmydaught er?Whycoul dn’ty ouj ust
comef ormewhenI ’
m al one?Ci ndyIt houghtbet ter
ofy ouandy ouj ustpr ovedt haty ou’reaf ucki ngbi tch.
Isav edy ourhusbandandt hisist het hanksIget ?I
shoul dki llyour i
ghther e!!Youungr at eful cow. ”
Iheadbut
tedheront
hef
oreheadandsheki
ndof
wentintoadaze,Igotoffhersl
ightl
yandt urnedher
overlooki
ngforhergun,todaywasmyl uckyday.I
grabbinghergunfrom t
hebackofherpant s,
“Thandoy ouwil
lregr
etthi
s!Yourfatherwillnotl
et
youlive!
!”
Me: Atleastyouwil
lbeoutofthedamnpi ct
ure.I
cockedt hegunandshescreamed, t
hengunshots
wentof foutsi
de;
about4ofthem andt hent
he
warehousedooropened.Ididn’tgetmyey esoff
Cindy,unti
lIhear
dSpha’svoice,“Thandoputthegun
down.”
Me:No,shet
ri
edt
otakemei
nfr
ontofmyf
ucki
ng
daught
er.
Spha:Thando,thi
nkabouti
t.Whatisshegoodfor
whenshei sdead?Yourdadisbackatthefar
m,and
sheisnotyourdaughter
!Canyourelax?
Ihel
dmygr i
ptightunt
ilSphacamecloserandput
hi
shandont hegun.Idi
dn’tfi
ghthim,het
ookt he
gunandputiti
ntosafet
yandgr abbedmeof fCindy
.
Oneofhisguystookhertoacarwhi l
ewedrov eoff
i
nanothercar.
Wegott othef armhouseandZenonwasont he
por ch,hest oodupwhenhesawCi ndyt iedup, “What
thef uckishappeni ng?Ci ndy?Lethergo! !
”Themen
i
gnor edhim andt heywal kedinwi thherandhe
followedt hem i nside,Il ookedatSpha, “
Whatt he
fucki sgoingon? ”heshookhi shead, “comei nand
I’
llshowy ou.”Igotoutt hecar ,
Snakewasi nside
withhi stwo‘ trainees’ Igav ehimt hel ookandhe
shr ugged.If ol
lowedSphai ntooneoft he
i
nt errogati
onr ooms.Amanwassi t
tingont heother
side, andIr ecogni zedhi mf rom thepi ctures,Coon…
shit.Ijustfrozeanddi dn’ tknowwhatt odo, andI
j
ustwal kedout .Sphaf oll
owedmei ntothehal lway,
“whatt hef ucki st hisSphamandl a?”
Spha:Wel
lyourf
ather’
sbelovedwif
ehasbeen
pl
ayinghi
m si
nceforeverandisact
ual
l
yCoon’
s.
Me:
Coon’
swhat
?
Hi
m:JustCoon’
s.Not
hingel
se,
shebel
ongst
ohi
m.
Me:
Whaty
oumean?
Hi
m:Shehasbeenpl
ayi
ngy
ourdadal
lal
ong.
Me:
Why
?
Him:Thepl
ant
,itwasinhernameandshesol
dhim
outt
oCoonjustsothatCooncoul
dtakeov
erthe
pl
ant.
Me:ButDumisani
wast
heonewhosol
dZeeout
,she
wasn’
tinv
olv
ed.
Him:Soyout hi
nk,shei
sverymanipul
ati
ve.And
becauseDumi l
ovesyouli
kehisownblood,hedidi
t
toprot
ectyou.
Me:
Idon’
tunder
stand…I
’
mlost
!
Hi
m:Thando,
justwat
cht
his.

Hewal kedintoanotherroom andgr abbedCindyand

putheri ntothesamer oom asCoon.Ist oodinthe
room nextdoorwat chingthroughtheglass.They
didn’tknowIwaswat chi
ng,“CoonIboughty ouy our
bitch!!
”Sphaspoke.Coonj ustlaughed,“Whoist hi
s
bitch?”Cindy’sfacechangedandshel ookedangr y,
“Baby ,Idi
dn’ttel
lthem anything.
”
Coon:
Arey
out
alki
ngt
omebi
tch?
Ci
ndykeptqui
etandshedi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ng,
next
thingIf eltanotherpresencei ntheroom anddi dn’t
turnar ound, “
babygi rl
,Thanky ou.”Idi
dn’ tanswer
andIhadat earr ol
l
ingdownmycheek.Idi dn’
trunto
l
ookathi m,IstaredaheadandSphawal kedoutthe
room, leav i
ngCoonandCi ndyalone,hej oinedusbut
nobodyspoke.Wej ustwat chedthem throught he
glass,Ci ndywascr y i
ngandCoonj ustl
ookedather
“you’repat heti
c.”Hef i
nall
ybr okethesilence
bet weent hem.
Ci
ndy
:I’
m sor
ry,
IthoughtIhadher
.
Coon:
Youdon’ tli
stenthat
’syourf
uckingproblem.I
hadever
ythi
ngi nt
actandy ouwerejustf
ocusingon
di
ckandy oufai
ledy ourf
uckingmissi
on;nowwe’ r
e
bot
hdead.
Ci
ndy
:I’
m sor
rybaby
.

Zenongrabbedthegunfrom Spha,
“youbetterbe
youfucki
ngbitch.
”Hesaidwalki
ngoutandSphar an
aft
erhim,buttheti
mehegott oZeehealreadyhad
theguninCindy’
smouth.“WhatthefuckCindy…
whatisthi
s?Yousetmeup? ”Cindytr
iedtotalkbut
Zenonshov edt hegundeeperi ntohermout h, and
shegaggedwhi lstcrying.ThelookonZenon’ sface
scar edme, “mor irperra”andhepul ledthet ri
gger .
Bloodspl att
eredev erywher eandherbr ainsslid
downt heglasswi ndowIwasl ookingthroughandhe
turnedt ofaceCoon.Hel i
ft
edhisgunandpoi ntedit
athi m,Sphast oppedhi m butstandinginhi sway ,
“That ’
sforThando, nopebuddyIcan’ tl
ety oudo
this.”Hetookt hegunf r
om Zenonwhoaut omat icall
y
droppedt ohiskneesandsobbedf ordearl i
fe.Iran
tot hebloodyroom andknel tdowni nfrontofhi m
andhuggedhi m whi l
ehesobbedi nmyar ms.Il ift
ed
him upandhuggedhi m; hehadbl oodonhi sface
andshi rtwhichr ubbedof fontome.Iwal kedhi m out
oft heroom andt heguy swer eallstandingint he
hallwaylookingatus.It ookZenont ooneoft he
roomsandgav ehi mt oiletr
iesandachangeof
clothesandl efthi mt oshower .

Idintknowwhatthefuckwasgoingon,Iwentt
omy
room andshoweredbecauseIwascoveredi
nblood.
Somewasf rom Zenonandsomewasf rom Ci
ndy
attackingmei nt hewar ehouse.Ionl yf eltthepai n
afterIwasdonecl eaningmy selfup, Iwor emyy oga
pant sandal azyv estandputonbl ackf lipflops.I
wal kedintot heki t
chenandIwaspr ocessi ngt he
event soft oday .Igotoutabeerandl i
taci gar et te
whi l
eIgotoutcooki ngst uff.Sphawal kedi ntot he
kitchencl eanedupt oo, “
ar ey ouok? ”Idi dn’tev en
l
ookathi m; Ist artedchoppi ngwi tht heci gar ettei n
mymout h.“ Thando, talkt ome. ”Thet ear sjust
startedrol l
ingdownmyf ace, “gett hef uckoutofmy
kitchen.”Isai dt hatpoi nt
ingmykni feathi m.He
didn’tmov e,hej usttookast ept owar dsme, “Isai d
gett hefuckoutofmyki tchen! !”Lucki lyIcewal ked
i
nski ppi
ngl i
keal i
ttl
echi ld,“YohBossl ady…oh
Spha. ”Her olledhi sey esandt henhel ookedatme,
“BossLadywhatdi dhedo? ”hisf acial expressi on
changedandhechar gedatSpha, andpi nnedhi m
agai nstthecabi nets.
Me:
Ice!
!St
opt
hatr
ightnow!
!
Het
urnedandl ookedatme,“
BossLady?”Ist
aredat
t
hem bot
h,“getoutbothofy
ou!!
”theybothl
eftme
t
obe.Icr
iedasImadesupper ,t
heboyswereinthe
l
oungeandPet ewal kedi ntotheki tchen, hedi dn’t
sayany thing.Hegotbeer sf r
om t hef r
idgeand
wal kedoutandt henwal kedbacki n.“ Youneedhel p
BossLady ?”Ishookmyhead, hedi dn’tmov e.Pet e
didn’tspeakmuch.Heopenedhi sbeerandl ift
ed
himsel font ot hekitchencount erandopenedhi s
beerandl itaci garetteandhandedi ttomeandI
tooki t.Het henl i
thi sownci gar ette, andjust
smokedi nsi lence.Af terhef inishedhi sci gar ettehe
gotof ft hecount erandt ookpl at esoutoft he
cupboar dsandhewi pedt hem andt ookt hem i nto
thedi ningr oom, hecamebackandwi pedt he
serv i
ngdi shesandwat chedmepourev erythingi nto
theser v i
ngdi shes.Het ookt hem i nt hedi ningr oom
onebyone.Cooki ngr eallycal medmedown, andI
feltbet t
er ;event houghIdon’ tknowwhyIwas
pissedof f.If oll
owedPet eintodi ni ngr oom wi ththe
l
astser vingbowl andal ltheguy swentsi lentwhenI
wal kedi n.Ipl acedt hebowl ontot het ableandt he
onlyopenseatwasatt heheadoft het able; Itooka
seat .Ever yonel ookedatme, andIdi dn’tknowwhat
tosayandl uckilyIcebr okespoke, “l
etussaygr ace.
”
Ever yonel ookedathi m wi thawei r dlook, Snake
t
ri
edt
okeephi
slaughi
n.

“HeavenlyFat herwet hanky oufortoday , andwear e

sti
ll
her ebecausey ousawapur poseandaneedf or
ustobeher e.Itwasn’ taccordingtoourski llandour
l
iki
ngandourwi sdom butbecauseofy ourki ndness
tospareourl ivest husf ar
.Fatherwepr ayt oy our
namet opr otectourf ami l
yandkeepussaf e.Lord
wet hanky ouf orbr i
ngi ngsuchaf i
erce, strong
womant ol eadourt eam becausewi thoutherwe
wouldpr obabl ybeoutofbusi nessandpr obably
hungry(Ismi ledabi tandSnakel etoutagi ggle)we
neededhert okeepust ogetherasaf ami ly,andifit
werenotf orhert henwewoul dnotbeher erightnow.
Wepr ayt haty ouhel pKhenant hroughhi sstruggle
ashel i
esi nhospi t
al,wemi sshim dear l
y .Thiswe
askandt hanki nthenameofJesus, Amen. ”

Al
lofus:
Amen.
Snake:Hahahaha….I
ce,y
oucangetmymeatf
or
today.Thatwassomethi
ngel
se!
!
I
ce:
What
’swr
ongwi
thy
ou?
Theguysdugint
othei
rfoodandmyphoner ang,
it
wasKeenan,“
ohgoshI’m sosor
ryInev
ergotback
toyou,
shi
tgothect
ic.
”
Keenan:
Ihav
esom-
Me:
TellherI
’
m sosor
ry,
Iwi
l
lmakei
tupt
oher
t
omorr
ow.
Keenan:
ThandoIneedt
otal
ktoy
ou.
Me:Canitwai
tti
ll
tomorr
ow?Wehav eCoonandI’
m
endi
ngthi
sonceandforal
ltomor
row.I
’l
lseeal
lof
youguy
st omor
row.
Keenan:
ButThan-

Ij
ustcutt
hecall
,Idi
shedupmyf oodandgr
abbed2
beer
sfrom t
hetabl
e“makesureevery
thi
ngi
s
cl
eanedupifyouguyswantbr
eakfast
.”
Them:
YesBoss.
Me:
Goodni
ghtguy
s.
Them:
Goodni
ghtBoss.
Iwalkedupstai
rswit
hmypl at
eandbeers,
Idialed
Khenan’snumberandli
stenedtohi
svoi
cemai lwhi
le
eat
ingmysupperanddr i
nkingmybeerIfi
nishedup
andwentt ot
hebalconyandsmoked.Iwentback
i
nsideandgotintobed.

NextmorningIgotupandt heplacewasf i
lt
hy,I
cl
eanedupf orabout30mi nut
esuntilt
heguy sgot
up.Theylookedsohungov er,
Idon’tevenknow
whattheydidafterIl
eftl
astni
ghtbuttherewere
shotgl
assesev erywher
e.“Mori
ngBossLady .”
Me:
Iguessy
ouguy
sdon’
twantbr
eakf
ast
!
Snakewokeupf rom t
hecouch,
“Wedo!
”Iwal
ked
outoftheki
tchendoorandwenttot
hebar
n,
“Morni
ngJeff.
”
Jef
f:Hey
,ar
eyougood?
Me:
Yeah,
Your
sel
f?
Jef
f:I
’
m gr
eat
,andt
hechi
ckensdi
dwel
l
.
Me:
Howdi
dyouknowIwasher
efort
hat
?
Jef
f:Whowoul
dn’
t?

JeffandIspokef orawhi l
eandwegoteggs, andI
wenti nsidetocook.Theki t
chenwasspot lessand
theguy swer ecl
eani ngupt herestofthehouse.I
fi
nishedmaki ngbr eakfastanddi shedoutfor
everyone, “
BREAKFAST! !
”thekitchenwasswar med
witht heboys,everyonegr abbedapl at
eandbeer
andl eft
.Itookapl ateandputi tonat r
aywi thj
uice,
coffee,teaandabeerandwal kedpastt heguys.
I
ce:
BossLadyy
ou’
renotj
oini
ngus?
Me:
Ever
ythi
ngbet
terbecl
eanwhenIcomeback.

Iwal kedt othebasementanddi smi ssedtheguar ds

tel
li
ngt hem togoeatbr eakf
ast.Iwal kedinwher e
Coonwasbei ngheld.Hewasst il
lint hechairthatI
l
efthi mi n.Theydidn’tti
ehim upbecausehewasn’ t
goingany where.Hisheadwashangi ng;Iputthetray
ont het ableandknockedonhi scrownwi thmy
knuckl es,“goodmor ningsunshi
ne.”Hel if
tedhis
headsl owly,t
heguy smusthav eroughedhi m upa
bi
tlastnightbecausehi
sli
pwasbustandsowas
hi
sey el
id.
Me:
Breakf
asti
sser
ved,
Cof
feeort
ea?
Helookedatme, “sor r
ybuddyt hebeerismine.I
tookasi poft
hecof feeandswal lowedanddidthe
samet hingwi
thallthebev er
ages.Het henreached
outforthecoff
eeanddr ankitslowly
.Iputabitof
everyt
hingontheplat einmymout handheate
hungri
ly.Thedooropenedandi twasSnake, “
you
coolhereBossLady ?”
Me:Pl
easejustbri
ngmea12ofbeer
sandasmal
l
i
cepack,ourguestl
ookst
hir
sty
.
Snakesl
ookedatmeconf
used,
“youwantI
ce?
”
Me:
Icecubesi
nani
cebuckett
okeept
hebeercool
.
Henoddedandl ef
t,Ij
ustlookedatCoonhav inghis
breakfast.Snakecamebackabout5mi nuteslat
er,I
gavehi m asmi l
eandt henheleftagain.Coon
fi
nishedhi sbreakf
astandIgav ehim abeerandhe
gulpedthef i
rsthalfal
linongo, “
soy ougottheball
s
tokil
lme? ”
Me:Youdoubtmedon’
tyou?Whatdi
dyouwant
f
rom Zenon?
Helaughed;It
ookasipofmybeer
,“Wher
eis
Tar
eck’sdaughter
?”
Hest il
l didn’ tanswermeandIknewIwasn’ tgoing
togetany thingoutoft hi
sni gger .Itookmygunout
from mybackandpl aceditont het able.Hel aughed
ev enl ouder ,Igotoutmyci garettes, “
y ousmoke? ”he
nodded, andIl itmyci garetteandst artedsmoki ng.
Af teraf ewpul lsIpushedt heci garettesand
mat chest owar dshim, hefirsthesi tatedandt hen
reachedouthi shand.It ookt hekni f
est rappedont o
thebot tom oft hetableandpi nnedhi shanddown
ont ot het ablewi thit.Thebl oodoozedout ,atthis
poi ntdi sgustl eftmybodyandonl yangert ookov er,
hewasn’ tgoi ngt otellmehi spl anwi thmyf atherso
IknewIhadt okillhim.ButIdi dn’tknowi fIcould.
Hescr eamedi nagonyandIgotupandt ookapul lof
myci gar et tebl owingitIhisf ace.Iwal kedar oundt o
behi ndhi m andmadehi ml ookatt hegl asswi ndow,
“Iwi shKhenanwasher et oseet his,but
unf ortunat elyhei sn’t
.Butbehi ndt hatglass…haha
ha…aremanymenstandingi
nhi
splaceandwait
ing
formetopul
lthet
ri
ggeronyouf
uckingass!
!”

Isatbackdownont hechai racr osshi m andsmi led

passinghi m abeer .Hishandwasst il
lpi
nnedont o
thetable,“Ohshi t
, youcan’ topent hebeerwi thone
hand.”Igr i
ppedt hehandl eoft hekni f
eandpul l
edit
outroughl yandhef ell
tot hef l
ooront ohi sknees,
“andI’mt hebitch? ”Istoodupandpushedmychai r
backwi thmyf ootandt ippedt het ablewi t
hjustone
handandt hebot tl
escamecr ushingt othef l
oor;
therewasbeerandgl assev ery
wher e,“
yourhusband
i
sweakandy ouar eweak! !Doi talready,Idar eyou!!
”
hewassobbi ngf rom thewoundonhi shandand
wipingthemucusf rom hisnose.Ir eachedf ormy
gunandpoi nteditathi m,“geti toverwi t
hal ready!!
”
Iclosedmyey es, andopenedt hem i naspl i
tsecond;
Iputmyhandont het r
iggerandpul ledit“Thando! !
”

Theshotwentoffandmynamewasr i
ngingi
nmy
ear
s,It
urnedaroundandKhenanwasstandi
ngi
n
thedoorway,
Idr
oppedthegunandwantedtorunto
him.Il
ookedatCoon’sl
i
fel
essbodyandthenback
atKhenan.WasIdreami
ng?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OhkIj
ustcoul
dn'
tkeept
hisi
n!
Agai
n,enj
oyt
heweekend!

Li
ke,
shar
eandcomment
[
11/
23,
17:
19]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode73

Khenanstor
medouttheroom andIwaslef
tther
e
al
one,Icoul
dfeel
thegangs’
ey esl
ooki
ngatme
thr
oughthegl asswindow.EventhoughIcouldn’
t
seethem Iknewt heywerewatching,
Idroppedthe
gunandPet ewal kedi
nanddidn’tsayanythi
ng.I
l
ookedathim andhej ustnodded,Ihadbloodall
overmyshirt.Iwentupstai
rsandshoweredandt hen
l
eft.
Idroveslowl yintothedrivewayt oKhenan’shouse,I
wentintothehouseandt hel i
ghtswerealloff
.I
checkedev eryr oom anddi dn’
tfindanyonethere,
I
wenttot heki t
chenIwashungr y
.Imadeabacon
andcheesesandwi ch, t
ookabeerandheadedupt o
hisbedroom.Ichangedi nt omypaj amasandsaton
thebedeat ing;Ihadmybeerandci gar
etteand
waitedont hebedf orKhenant ocomehome.Imust
havedosedof f.

*
***
***
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
*

Iwal
kedi
ntomybedroom at2am hol di
ngKhanyii
n
myarms;Thandowassleepi
ngont hebed.It
urned
ar
oundandKhanyiwokeup,“daddywhereareyou
goi
ng?”Il
ookedathersleepyfaceanddi
dn’
tknow
howtoanswer,Thandowokeupandsatont hebed,
“Hi
,I
’v
ebeenwai t
ingforyou.
”
Me:We’r
esleepi
ngi
ntheotherr
oom;
we’
l
lletAunt
y
Thandosl
eepheret
oni
ghtok?
Khany
i:Butshei
smynewmommyandIal
way
s
sl
eephere.
Me:
Nott
oni
ght
.
Khany
i:Nodaddyputmedown.

Iloweredherontot hef l
oorandsher ant ot hebed
andhuggedThando, “
mommyy oujustleftmeatt he
Icecream shop,didy ouspeakt omom Khensani ?”
Thandoshookherhead, “Icouldn’tgetahol dofher ,
I’
llt
ryheragaintomor row.I ’
m sorryforleav ingyou,I
hadt orushsomewher e,andI ’
llmakei tupt oy ou.
”
sheshookherhead, “don’twor ryaboutit,justnever
l
eav eme. ”ShehuggedThandoandaskedf orher
pajamas, Thandolookedatmeandwentt ogett hem.
Iwalkedintothebat hroom andwashedmyf ace,I
l
ookedupatmyr efl
ect i
onint hemi rr
or.Iwasn’ tthe
sameKhenanandIlookedweak.Iputwat
eronmy
face,
whenIlookedupThandowasstandi
ngbehi
nd
mewi tht
ear
sinhereyes.

Itur nedar oundt of aceher ,shetookast ept owards

meandwai tedf ormyr esponsebutIj ustf roze, she
tookanot herst epandsheputherar msar oundmy
wai st .Shehel dmet ightar oundmynowski nnybody
andsheputherheadonmybonychest ,Ifelther
tear st hr
oughmyt -shirtandIputmyhandsar ound
her .Wedi dn’ ttalkwej ustst ayedlikethatf orawhi le,
Ipul ledherawayf r
om meandshel ookedupatme
withherwetey es,Ibentdownandgav eheraki ss
onhersof tlipswi t
hmycr ustyli
ps.Shecl osedher
eyes, Ikissedheragai nandt hi
st i
medeepeni ngthe
kiss.Ihel dheronherhi pspul l
i
ngherbodycl oserto
mi ne.Shef i
nal l
ypul ledaway ,“
I’
m sor r
y .
”Shest art
ed
cryingal l overagai n, Iheldheri nmyar msandwe
stay edi nt hatposi tionf orawhi leandt henIl edher
tobed.Wesl eptonei t
hersi deofKhany i;Iwas
exhaust edandf ellasleepi mmedi ately.Iwokeup
alonei nbedt henex tmor ning,myheadwas
pounding,Icheckedt hetimeandi twas11H20.I
tookashowerandbr ushedmyt eethandputon
j
oggersandsweat ert
henheadeddownst air
s.
Khanyiwassl eepi
ngonThando’ slapinthelounge,I
stoodtheref orawhi l
ejustwatchi
ngt hem and
almostcried.Iclearedmyt hr
oatandshet urned
aroundtol ookatme, “
Goodmor ning.
”Shesmi ledat
mef ai
ntly
.
Me:
Mor
ning.
Her
:Il
eftsomebr
eakf
astf
ory
ou,
shoul
dIwar
mit
upf
oryou?
Me:
Please.

Shemov edKhanyiof
fherl
apandshewenttot
he
KitchenandIf
oll
owedherandsatont
hebarst
ool
;
therewasanawkwardsil
encebet
weenus.

*
***
***
***
***
***
*Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

Khenansatont
hebarst
ool
looki
ngatmeandI
di
dn’tknowwhatt
osay
,“WhatcanIgety
out
o
dr
ink?”
Hi
m:Abeer
.
Me:
Haha,
I’
m sur
ethedoct
orwoul
dn’
tal
l
owt
hat
.
Hi
m:I
’
llhav
ejui
ce.

Ipour
edhi
mjui
ce,
“abouty
est
erday
.”
Him:
Thando,
Idon’
twantt
otal
kaboutt
hatr
ight
now.
Me:I’
m sor
ryIcoul
dn’
tcomegety
ouf
rom t
he
hospi
tal
.
Hi
m:I
t’
sfi
ne;
youwer
ebusypl
ayi
ngdr
ugl
ord.Igeti
t.
Me:
Ithoughtwewer
en’
tgoi
ngt
otal
kaboutt
his.

HekeptquietandIgavehi
m hi
sfoodandhest art
ed
eat
ing,
“Ican’tgetahol
dofKhensani
.”Helookedup
atmewi t
hfoodi nhi
smouth,“
Whatdoy oumean? ”
Me:
Imeanshebr
oughtt
heki
dst
oSAt
ocomesee
y
oui
nhospi
tal
andIhav
en’
tseenhersi
nce.
Hi
m:Hav
eyout
ri
edt
ocal
lher
?
Me:
Yipandnot
hing,
IaskedI
cet
ofi
ndher
.
Hi
m: I
ce?Thesearen’
tyourf
ri
endsThando,
butwe’
l
l
di
scussthatl
ater
.

Hegotupf rom hischair

, “babyyouneedt ot akey our
tabl
ets.
”Hewal kedoff,“thedoct ordidn’
tgiveme
any.”Hewalkedintothest udyandcl osedthedoor .
Likehel
lthedoctordidn’
tgi vehim anymeds, I’
m
sureheshouldstil
lbelyingi nhospital,
knowi nghim.
Myphoner anginterr
upti
ngmyt houghts,“I
ce, what’
s
up?”
I
ce:Shei
sinAustral
i
awithsomemannamedDavi
d,
hernewhusbandappar
entl
y.Wantmet
obr
ingher
back?
Me:
Notj
usty
et,
letmespeakt
oKhenan.
I
ce:
Uhm…How’
shedoi
ng?
Me:
He’
sal
ri
ght
.Comeseehi
m wheny
ouhav
eti
me.
Icutthecal lwit
hIceandt henknockedonKhenan’ s
Studydoor ,
“Uhm babycanIt al
ktoy ou?”Henodded
andIwal kedi n,
thi
swasal lt
ooawkwar dit’
sli
kewe
weren’tev enengaged,datingorevenfri
ends.Isat
downacr osshim,“I
cef oundher,sheisinAustr
ali
a
withhernewhusband. ”Ididn’
tsayany t
hingaf
ter
that,
hel ookedpissedashel l,
helookedatme, “so
Iceandt heganganswert oyounow? ”
Me:
It’
snotl
i
ket
hat
.
Hi
m:Thenwhati
sitl
i
ke?
Me:Youweren’taround,
theyneededhel
pandI
hel
pedthem out.
Hi
m: Andkil
ledaman?Howmanymor
ehav
eyou
ki
l
ledthatIwasn’
tar
oundt
osee?
Ididn’tsayanythi
ng,“Wheredi
dy ouevenlear
nto
shoot ?Whatifyougotshot,orevenworsedied?
Youwantt orunaroundli
vi
nglikeagangsterand
fuckingy ourl
if
eup?”Iwasget t
ingangry
.
Me:
Real
l
yKhenan,
youwer
einhospi
tal
all
those
mont hsandwhatdoy outhinkwashappeni ngt o
yourbusinesses?Whowasr unni
ngy ourhotelsand
clubsanddr uggang?I twasmeKhenan, theleast
youcanf uckingdoi ssayt hankyou.Whowasher e
whenKhensani droppedt hekids?IfIwasn’there
whowasgoi ngtodot hat?Youandy ourmot hergo
aroundtalki
ngaboutmaki ngyouking,wellguess
what?Yougoti t,SpiderandCoonar edead, hoo-
fucki
ng-r
ayKhenan! !KingKhenan!!Nx.

Igotupf r
om t hechai randwal kedout ,“Thando
please.”Iturnedar oundwi thtearsi nmyey es,
“pleasewhat ?”hedi dn’
tsayany thi
ng, “Ithoughtso.”
Islammedt hedooronmywayout .Lakhiweand
Keenanwal kedi n,Igrabbedmybagsandkey sand
l
ef tthehouse.Idr ov etothehospi taltosee
Khenan’ sdoct or,j
ustasIt houghtKhenan
dischargedhi mself .Thedoctorgav ememedi cati
on
forKhenan, andaf ewf urt
herinst r
uctionst otake
careofhi m.Idon’ tknowhowIwasgoi ngt odothat
withoutust alking;Iwentt oseeMbal iatherof fi
ce
andt henheadedhome.Keenanandt heki dswer e
wat
chi
ngTV,
“wher
eisKhenan?
”
Keenan:
Hei
ssl
eepi
ng;
hesai
dhehasaheadache.
Me:
Didheeat
?
Keenan:
Nope.
Me:ANDYOUTHI NKTHAT’SFINE?Hejustcame
outofhospi
talf
orgoodnesssakes.Hav
eyouat
l
eastfedthechi
ldr
en?

Ididn’twaitforananswerIjustwalkedtothe
kit
chent opr epar
ef ood.Imadeaquickbeefmac
andcheese, Khanyicameintothekit
chen.Iwasn’
tin
themood, “mommy ,arewegoingtoli
vewithyou
forever?”ok,Icouldn’tt
akeoutmyangeront hi
s
cuteness,andIpi ckedherupandputheront he
counter.
Me:Idon’
tknowsweet
s,doy
ouwantt
ost
ayher
e
f
orever
?
Her
:Yeah,
thenIcanseedaddyev
ery
day
.
Me: Tel
lyouwhat,y
oueaty
oursupperandI
’
llt
alkt
o
yourfat
her.Deal
?
Shesmi ledandopenedupherar ms, “deal.
”She
gavemet hewarmesthug.Idi shedupf orev er
yone
andt ookKhenan’ sf oodupstairswithjuiceandhi s
medi cation.Heopenedhi seyeswhenhehear dme
walki nandhesatup, “
youneedt oeatsoy oucan
takey ourmedi cati
on.”Iputthet rayont hebedandI
handedhi m hi
sbowl buthedidn’ttakeit,hejust
openedhi smout hinstead.Ikeptmyst r
aightface
butdeepdownIwant edtosmi le,Ifedhim andwe
didn’ttalkthewhol etime.Het ookhi smedi cat
ion
andhef inal
lymov edbyput ti
ngt het r
ayont heside
table,“thankyou.”
Me:
Youneedt
oeatsoy
oucangetbet
ter
.
Hi
m:No,
forev
ery
thi
ng.
Inoddedandgotupbuthegr abbedmyar m, hemay
havelostalotofweightbuthewasst i
l
lstrong.He
pull
edmet owardshim andhepi ckedmeupand
placedmeont ohisbody,Iwasst r
addli
nghi m and
wewer efacetofaceonceagain, “
Iloveyousomuch,
Icouldn’
twaittogetbacktoyou.I’m sosor r
y.”He
kissedmyl i
psandIdi dn’tr espond, hedi dn’tstop
andIf oundmy sel fgivingi nt ohi m.Iputmyar ms
aroundhi sneckandhehel dont omyhi psandt hen
hepaused.Hel ookdownbet weenmyl egsandback
upatme, “
sor r
y .”Nextt hingmyy ogapant swer e
tornbet weenmyl egsandhi shandwasi nmy
under wearsl owl ymassagi ngmycl itor i
swhi l
ehe
suckedonmyneck, Icoul dn’ twai tforhi m any
l
ongerIl i
ft
edmybodyof fhi m andhepul l
edhis
j
ogger sdownal ongwi t
hhi sunder wearandIsat
backdownposi tioningmy selfonhi sshaf t
.Hehel d
hismanhooddi rect i
ngi tintome; wet r i
ednumer ous
ti
mesbef orehewasact ual l
yi nside.Igaspedandl et
outamoan.Hest oppedmov ing,Ilookedathi m and
heki ssedmyl ipsandt henIst artedmov ingmy
waistandgr indingonmyman.Thi sposi tionalways
gotKhenan, Iwasmov i
ngsl owl yandhi sgr i
p
ti
ghtenedar oundmywai standhet i
ltedhi shead
back.If el
tmybodyt witcht wi ceinami ni or
gasm, he
l
ookedatmeagai n,“fuckbaby …”Ipi ckedupmy
paceandhewasl etti
ngoutmoanst hatsoundedl i
ke
hewascr ying.If eltmybodyr eachingi t
’speakbut
Khenancamef irstbutIr emai nedont opofhi m andI
cameacoupl eofsecondsaf
ter
,hemoanedwhen
mywal l
stight
enedaroundhi
sshaft
,“aaaaah…
Thando.”
Hekissedmylipsandputhi sarmsaroundme,he
huggedmesot ightl
y.Icouldfeel
hishear
tbeat.We
gotupandtookashower ,“
babywhathappened
here?
”hetouchedmyhi p;
Ilookedatmyscarand
thenbackathi
m.“ Pleasecanwenott al
kaboutthi
s
ri
ghtnow?”
Hi
m:Yougothur
tpl
ayi
ngwi
thgunsdi
dn’
tyou?
Me:
Pleasedon’
tbeangr
y,I
’
mfi
ne.

Heletoutasi
ghandwegotdr
essedi
nourpaj
amas
andgotint
obed.
Khenan:
I’
m sor
ryabouthowIspoket
oyouear
li
er.
Me:
It’
sal
ri
ght
.
Khenan:Ireal
l
yappreci
atehowyouhandl
edt
he
si
tuat
ion.Keenant
oldmey ou’
rebet
tert
hanme.
Me:
He’
sly
ing,
itwast
ough.
Khenan:
Icani
magi
ne.Whot
aughty
ouhowt
oshoot
?
Me:
Dumi
sani
.
Hi
m:Heknewaboutt
his?
Me:
Yeahbabe.
Him: Idon’
twanty outolivethi
slif
e,Idon’tknow
whatIwoul ddoi fIweretoloseyou.Ican’tli
ve
withoutyoubaby ,andseeingmyl i
fefl
ashbef oremy
eyesmademer eali
zethatIcan’
tli
vewi t
houty ou.
I’
vealreadylostmybaby ,Ican’
ttakeanymor e.So
thi
sgangst ershithastostop,ok?

Inoddedandhepull
edmecl oserandkissedmy
forehead,
“Imi
ssedyou.”Iputmyar msar oundhim,
“ImissedyouevenmoreMrDeCost a.”Hepushed
meawayandl ookedconfused,“whereisyourri
ng?”
Ilookedathi
m andshookmyhead, “haha,Itol
dyou
Iwon’twalkar
oundwiththatbigrock.”
Hi
m:I
’
llgetasmal
l
eronef
orourweddi
ng.
Me:
Ok.Iwantt
otal
ktoy
ouaboutsomet
hing.
Hepul
l
edmecl
oser
,“what
’swr
ongnowbaby
?”
Me:
Whosai
dany
thi
ngi
swr
ong?
Hi
m:Ok,
whati
sit
.
Me:
Wel
lIwast
alki
ngt
oKhany
i.
Hi
m: Haha,shewastal
ki
ngt
oyou.Butcont
inue…
whatdoesshewantnow?
Me:
Soshewantstogot
oschool
her
eandasked
metospeakt
oyou.
Hi
m:Youguy
sar
ebest
iesnow.Shecal
l
syou
mommy.
Me:Shesai
dsinceI
’m goingtomar r
yy ou,I
’
m her
newmommy .Sheisasweet hear
t;unfort
unatel
yI
can’
tsayt
hesamef orLakhi
we.Babyhehat esme.
Hi
m:Hedoesn’
that
eyou;
hei
sjustamama’
sboy
.
Me:
Buthowcanhest il
lbewhenshej
ustdumped
t
hem wi
thoutanexpl
anati
on?
Him:Don’tyouwor
ryabouther
;I’
l
ldeal
wit
hher
accor
dingly
.
Me:
Whatar
eyougoi
ngt
odo?
Hi
m:Don’
twor
ry;
may
bewecanl
ookf
orschool
s
t
omor
row.Hopef
ull
ywewi
l
lgetsomet
hing.
Me:
Thankshoney
.
Hi
m:Don’tletKhany
i’
scut
enessf
ool
you,
thatgi
rli
s
t
hedev
ilItelly
ou.

Il
aughedandt hedooropened,itwasthecutest
devi
lhersel
f,“
mommy ,canIcomet obednow? ”She
wasrubbinghereyes,“
comeher ebaby.”She
cl
imbedontot hebedandov erherf
ather’
stummy
andint
omyar ms.Shethoughtshewaswhi speri
ng,
buti
twasaf ailedat
tempt,“
Sodi dyouaskhim? ”
Khenan:
Askwhowhat
?
Khany
i:Not
hing,
Ilov
eyousomuchdaddy
.
Shesnuggl edcomf or
tabl
ybetweenus,andsheput
herhandar oundme, “Il
oveyoumommy .”These
tearsthough,“Il
oveyoutoobaby.”Iki
ssedherhead
andshecl osedhereyes.Khenangotupand
switchedthelight
soffandcamebackt obed, he
kissedmyf oreheadandwewentt osleep.
Ther estoft heweekwasqui et ,
Khenanspentt ime
athomewi tht hechi l
dren.Ifoundschool sforthem
andt heywer et ostartthefollowingweek, Khanyi
wasexci ted.Ican’tsayt hesamef orLakhiwe,he
couldn’tbebot hered.Wegott heunif
orms, t
hese
thi
ngsar eexpensi v e.Khenanwasr ecoveri
ngand
gai
ningwei ght,actuall
yget t
ingf at
.Ihadn’tseen
Mbal ii
nf oreversoIwentt ov isi
ther.
Mbal
i
:Ohshel
i
ves.
Me:
Mxm,
what
ever
.You’
rest
il
lfatsopl
ease.
Mbal
i
:What
ever
,Ican’
twai
ttopopt
hisbabyout
.
Me:
‘mybaby
’youmean?
Mbal
i
:no,
Mdu’
sbaby
.
Me:Haha,
howi
she?Ihav
en’
tseenhi
m si
nce
f
orever
.
Mbali
:He’sgr
eatver
ysupport
ive.Buthewant
sust
o
getmarr
iedbefor
eIgiv
ebir
th.
Me:
Andwher
eist
hepr
obl
em t
her
e?
Mbal
i
:Youj
ustsai
dI’
mfat
…
Mduwal kedinonourconv er
sation,
“fat
?Never
!!
”he
pl
acedaboxonherl apandkissedhercheeks,
I
stooduptohughi m andhesatdownwi t
hus.“
I
hopeyou’reconv
inci
ngy ourfr
iendtomar r
yme
befor
emybabycomes! ”
Me:
Wewer
etal
ki
ngabouti
t.
Mdu:
Ijustwantmychi
l
dtohav
emysur
name.
Mbal
i
:Shewi
l
laf
terwe’
remar
ri
ed.
Mdu:Andwhowill
standintheli
neatHomeAffai
rs?
Baby
,you’
rebei
ngunreasonabl
e.Looki
nthebox.
Shedidn’
tanswerhim;sheopenedtheboxand
smil
ed.Shestar
tedcryi
ng;shetookadonutandput
i
tinhermouthwhileshewascry i
ng.
Me:
Babear
eyoual
ri
ght
.
Mbal
i:
HowcanIbeal
ri
ghtwhenhekeepsmaki
ng
mefat
?
Shesaidwithafullmouth,shethr
ewadonutather
fi
ancé.Iwasn’
tcrazywhenIwaspr egnant.She
cal
meddownandMduki ssedherandshesmi l
ed
andtookanotherbitofherdonut,
Mdut r
iedtotake
oneandshehi thishand!Theyweretoocute,I
coul
dn’tdeal,“enoughnowguy s.Letmemakea
suggesti
on.Howabouty ouhaveasmal lwedding,
cl
osef amilyandf r
iends,t
henaft
ergivi
ngbirt
hand
backtoy oursizey ouguyscanhaveahugef ancy
wedding.Thatwayy oubothgetwhatyouwant ?”
Mdu:
Ilov
ethei
dea.
Mbal
i:I
fwedot hat
,thenyou’
repay
ingf
or
ev
ery
thing!
!Bot
hweddi ngs.
Mdu:
Deal
.
Mbal
i
:IwantaVer
aWangweddi
ngdr
ess.
Me:Ok,Idon’tknowaboutal
loft
hat
.Butmypresent
toyou,I
’
llpayforthef
ir
stweddi
ng.I
’
llor
gani
ze
ever
ythi
ng.
Mbal
i
:No,
fir
stt
henur
ser
ynowt
his?
Me:
Itwasn’
taquest
ion.
Mdu:
I’
m notar
gui
ng,
ThandoIl
ovey
ou!
Me:I’
m notsay
ingitbackIdon’
twanttobe
murderedbyapregnantl
ady.Guysletmel
eav
eyou;
I
’l
lkeepyouupdatedaboutever
ythi
ng.
Mbaliwalkedmet omycarandwehuggedand
ki
ssed.Idrovehome,Iwal
kedint
oaful
lhouse.
Ever
yonewasi nthel
oungedri
nki
ng,
“higuy
s.”
Them:
BossLady
.
KhenangavemethelookandIsi
gnal
edt
hatIneed
total
ktohim.Hefol
l
owedmei nt
otheki
tchen,
“what
thefucki
sthi
s?”
Hi
m:Ev
ery
onewant
edt
ocheckhowIwasdoi
ng.
Me:
Sot
heycameher
e?Wher
ear
eyourki
dsKhenan?
Hi
m:Upst
air
s,whati
sthebi
gdeal
?
Me:Thi
sisourpri
vat
espace,f
orourf
amilyandyou
can’
tbr
ingmurder
ersint
oourhomearoundtheki
ds.
Him:Buti
t’
sfi
net
oletmy5y earol
dsleepnextt
o
one?Comeonnow,you’
rebeingahypocr
it
e.
Me:
Arey
oubei
ngser
iousr
ightnow?
Him:Thi
sismyhouseandt hosearemychildr
en,
j
ustbecausey ouwererunningaroundpl
aying‘Boss
Lady
’toforgetthatIwearthefucki
ngpantsinthis
houseandwhatIsaygoes.Youmayhav egot
t en
theseboyswrappedaroundyourf
inger
,butplayt
ime
i
sov er
.Gobackt oyourcooki
nganddecorati
ngcup
cakes,I
’
m backnow.
[
11/
23,
17:
19]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode74

Iwal
kedawayandhegr
abbedmyar
m,“
Khenanl
et
goofmeorels-
“
Hi
m:Orel
sewhat?You’
regoingtoshootmel
i
key
ou
di
dSpi
derandCoon?Doit
,Idareyou.
"

Iyankedmy selfoutofhi sgri

pandwentt omycar
anddr oveof ftomyhouse.Hewassoungr atef
ul,I
can’tdeal.Itookashowerandwasf eeli
nghungr y.I
madef oodandsatdowni nmyf avoritespotont he
fl
oori nthelounge.Igotoutmyl aptopandabot tle
ofwi ne,Ihadbeenhangi ngoutwitht heboy stoo
mucht hatIwasdr i
nkingbeer .Isi
ppedandenj oyed
thewi neandst art
edpl anningMbali’
sweddi ng,I
workedf oraboutanhourunt ilmyphoner angitwas
KhenanandIwasn’ ti
nt hemoodf orhi mt oday.I
i
gnoredhiscal
lsandhetr
iednumerousti
mesandI
answered,
“Whatdoyouwant?”Sil
enceandt
hen,
“is
thathowyoutal
ktoyourf
ather?
”
Me:
Zenon,
sor
ryIt
houghti
twasKhenan.
Hi
m:Tr
oubl
einpar
adi
se?
Me:
Somet
hingl
i
ket
hat
.
Hi
m:CanIcomeov
er?
Me:
Pleasebr
ingf
ood,
Idi
dn’
tcook.

Hearri
vedabout40minut
esl
aterwi
thChi
nese,we
sati
ntheloungetal
ki
ng,“
sowhathasKhenan
done?”
Me:Heboughthi
smur der
erf
ri
endst
othehouse,
andt
hekidswerether
e.
Hi
m:andwhydi
dn’
tyouki
ckt
hem out
?
Me: Hetol
dmehe’
sthemanofthehouseandI
forgott
hatwhi
l
eIwasbusyr
unni
ngaroundpl
ayi
ng
druglor
d.
Hi
m:Oh,
nowIgeti
t.
Me:
What
?
Him:Youmanagedt odosomet hi
ngthatKhenan
hasn’
tbeenabletodo.Youtookdownal lhi
s
opponent
swhi l
ehewasl y
inginhospi
talhopel
ess,
I
thi
nkhisegotookaknock.
Me: ButIwast r
yingtohel
p,andi
fIdidn’
thel
pthen
hisbusinesswasgoingtorundryandhewasgoi ng
towakeupt onothi
ng.Butwhycan’
thelookpast
that
?
Him:He’
saman, wedon’tt
hinkli
key
oudo.You
needtoexpl
aini
ttohi
m andmakehim under
stand
thaty
ouaren’
taf
terhi
sbusiness.
Me:
Hamay
beIam now,
itwassomuchf
un.
Him: Justrememberthatj
ustbecauseyou’r
eoldit
doesn’tmeanIcan’twhipyourass.Keeptal
kingl
i
ke
thatandy ou’
reget
ti
nganasswhi pping.
Me:
Itwasj
ustaj
oke.
Hi
m: Jokeli
ket
hatwi
thDumi
sani
andseehowhe
wi
llt
akeit.
Me:
Act
ual
l
yDumi
taughtmehowt
oshoot
.
Hi
m:What
,hedi
dwhat
?
Me:
Chi
l
l
Hi
m: Chil
l
,hegotmet r
adedtoCoonbecausehe
t
houghtIwoulddr
agy ouint
othi
smess.Theminut
e
I
’m gonehetur
nsaroundandfucki
ngdoeswhathe
wasaccusingmeof?
Me:I
twasn’tDumi ;
youknowthathefel
lvi
cti
m of
Ci
ndy’
splanjustli
keyou.Don’
tbl
amehim,andifhe
di
dn’
ttr
ainme, I
’dprobabl
ybedeadri
ghtnow.

Zenonletoutasi gh,“Ineedtotal
ktoDumi act
ual
ly
.”
Thatscaredme, Ididn’tthi
nkthem t
alki
ngwouldbe
suchagreatidea.Someonewoul dcomeoutdead,
“whatabout?
”
Hi
m:St
opbei
ngnosey
.Li
stenIgott
ogo.
Me:
Ok,
arey
oust
il
lst
ayi
ngatt
heol
dhouse?
Hi
m:Yeah,
andThanky
oubaby
.
Me:
Whatf
or?
Hi
m:Forsav
ingmef
rom t
hatmonst
er.
Me:Ilov
eyoudad,
Iwoul
dn’
tletany
thi
nghappent
o
you.
Hi
m:AndIl
ovey
ou,
we’
l
ltal
kal
ri
ght
?
Me:
Ok.

Hel
eftandIdi
aledSpha,
“heyy
ou.
”hewascol
d,
“
Whatdoy ouwant?
”
Me:
Tosayt
hanky
ou.
Hi
m:Ok.
Me:Wantedt
oaski fy
ouf
oundTar
eck’
sdaught
er
whenyougotZenon?
Hi
m:Nope.
Me:Areyour
eal
l
ygoi
ngt
ogi
vemeonewor
d
answer
s?
Hi
m:Di
dyouneedany
thi
ngel
se?
Me:
You’
rebei
ngr
udenow.
Hi
m:Goodby
eThando.
HecutthecallandIdidn’tunder
standwhatwas
happeningwit
hthemenar oundme.Theywer e
acti
ngverybit
chy;Ipackedupmyl aptopandwentto
myr oom.Thebuzzerwentof fandi twasKhenan
withKhanyi
,Ibuzzedhimi nandwai tedfort
hem at
thedoor.
Me:
What
’st
his?
Hi
m:Shesai
dshecan’
tsl
eepwi
thouty
ou.
Me:
Anddi
dyout
ell
hery
oudi
dn’
twantmet
o.
Hi
m:Real
l
y?
Khanyigotoutt
hecar,
“heymommy
.”Ipi
ckedherup,
“heybaby,what
’swr
ong?”
Her
:It
houghty
oul
eftmel
i
kemom K.
Me:I
’dneverl
eav
ey oubaby
,youwantt
ospendt
he
ni
ghtwit
hmeher e?
Shenoddedandputherheadonmyshoul derand
thenl
ookedatKhenan,“youhaveherbags?”he
shookhi
shead,“ok,I
’l
lbri
nghertomorrow.”It
urned
towalki
ntothehouse,“Thando?
”
Me:
Yeah.
Hi
m:CanIcomei
n?
Me:
Whatf
or?
Hi
m:Ar
eyougoi
ngt
odot
hisi
nfr
ontoft
hebaby
?
Me:
Fine.

Hef ol
lowedmei ntomyhouseandhewentt ositi
n
thelounge,Iwalkedupwi thKhanyitomyr oom and
l
ockedt hedoorbehi ndus.Shewasal readyinher
nighti
eandgown; Igotherint
obedandt ooka
shower .WhenIgotbackIhadamessageonmy
phonef rom Khenan:You’r
eseriousl
ylockingmeout ?
Irepl
i
edhismessage:Youonl
ycameher
ef orKhany
i,
nowlethersl
eepwit
hher‘mommymurderer’

Hedidn’
trespond,Igotint
obedandsl eptnextt
o
Khanyi
.Inthemor ni
ngIwaswokenupbyhersmal l
handsplay
ingwithmyf ace,Iopenedoneeye,
“morni
ngsweety.”Shejustsmiled,“
wherediddaddy
sl
eep?”
Me:
Idon’
tknowbaby
.Let
’sgobat
h.
Wet ookabat handIdr essedheri nherni ghti
eagain,
weheadeddownst ai
rsandKhenanwasn’ tupy et
.I
madebr eakfast,andat ewi thKhanyibefor eKhenan
walkedi ntotheloungehol dinghisplate,“good
mor ningfami l
y.”Khany igreeted,Ij
ustcont inued
eati
ngandwat chingTV.Khenansatont hef l
oor
nexttome, “canwet alk?”hewaswhi speringso
Khany icouldn’thear.IpretendedIcoul dn’thearhim
andt ookt heempt ydi shest othekit
chen, Khenan
fol
lowedme, “
thatwasn’ ty ourcuetof ol
lowme. ”
Hi
m:Thandopl
ease,
I’
m sor
ry.

Iloadedthedi
shwasherandheadedupstai
rst
omy
room togetmybagandKhenanf ol
lowedme,he
closedthedoorbehi
ndhim.
Hi
m:Thandocany
ouj
ustl
i
stent
ome.
Me:Thi
sisnoty
ourhouse;
youdon’
tweart
hepant
s
ar
oundhere.
Hi
m:Ij
ustwantt
oapol
ogi
ze.
Me:
Apol
ogyaccept
ed,
nowmov
e.
Ipushedhi m buthedidn’ tbudge, hewasf ully
recoveredandgai nedall hisstrengt h.Hegr abbed
myshoul dersandpul l
edmei nf rontofhim.Thi s
niggerthoughtIwasgoi ngt omel tathisgor geous
eyes.Nopenott oday ,
Iliftedmykneeandki cked
himint hegroinandhef elltothegr oundhol di
nghi s
manhood.Ij umpedov erhi sbodyandwal kedoutof
theroom.Khany i
wasst i
llwatchi ngTVIl eaned
downi nfrontofher,“l
istenhoneyIneedt ogo.
You’redaddywi l
ltakey ouhomeal ri
ght,I
’
lltalkto
youlater.
”Ikissedherl i
psandgotup, shenodded
andKhenanwal keddownt hest airsli
mpingsl ightl
y,I
walkedoutanddr oveof f.

Imetupwi t
hSam att hebaker yandwet ast
edcakes
forMbali’
sweddi ng.Sher eall
ydidn’
twanttocome;
shedidn’tevenwantt ohav ethewedding.Theday
wentbyswi ftl
y,atnightIspoketoKhany iov
er
Keenan’sphoneandshet oldmeaboutherday .It
wascuteandal lbutalsotir
ingbecauseIhadso
muchwor ktodoandIwasl eavi
ngsoon.
Duri
ngthecour seoftheweek, IsentoutMbali’
s
weddinginvit
esandsetupanappoi ntmentforherto
fi
tweddinggownsatherhouse.I tal
lwentwel l
;her
mom criedseeingherdaughterinaweddi ngdress.
Sheactuall
ycr i
edseeingherineachandev ery
si
ngledress,itwascute.VerypickyMbalieventual
l
y
choseadr ess.Weddingwasi n2weekst imeandI
l
eftin3weeks.
Isti
llhadn’ tspokentoKhenan, foracoupl et hatwas
apartforsomanymont hsweshoul dbeal l over
eachot her ,butIwasst ill
upset .Het riedt ocal l
,text
butIreal l
ywasn’ thavingi t.Butthiswasaf fecti
ng
Khany ishehadnof emal eint hehouse, andt hatwas
theonl ythingthatmademedr i
vet oKhenan’ shouse
earl
yonMondaymor ning.Iwal kedi ntot heki t
chen
andtheki dswer ehavingbr eakfast,“mor ningguy s.
”
Sil
ence, “eveny ouKhany i
?”shel ookedaway ,Iknew
I’
dhur therbutf orhert oignor emel ikethis.Lucki lyI
hadapl anb, IputWinxCl ubdol linfrontofher .She
l
ookedatmet ryi
ngtocont ainherexci tement ,“want
met ot akey out oschool ?”
Her
:Youdon’
tev
enknowwher
emyschool
is.
Me:We’l
lseeaboutt
hat
.Woul
dyoul
i
kemet
odr
op
youoft
oo,Lakhi
we?
Lakhi
we:
Yeahwhat
ever
.
Khenanwal
kedi
ntot
heki
tchen,
“hi
.”
Me:
Hi,
I’
mtaki
ngt
heki
dst
oschool
.
Hi
m:Aski
ngort
ell
i
ngme?
Hesawt helookonmyf ace,“itwasj ustajoke,
comeonbabywhathappenedt oy oursenseof
humor ?
”Igav ehim afai
ntsmi le;hepulledmei nt
oa
hugandki ssedmyneck.Hesmel tsogood, hi
shand
mov edtothesmal lofmybackandhewhi speredin
myear ,“di
nnertoni
ght,I
’
lltexty outheaddr ess.”I
don’
tknowwhathappenedt ome, thehair
sont he
backofmyneckst oodupandIwhi speredback,
“ok.
”Ifrozeinhisarmsforaf ewsecondunt il
Iheard
Khanyicall
ingmyname, “
mommy ,wecangonow. ”
Lakhi
wewasalreadywalki
ngtowardsmycar .Hegot
i
ntothefr
ontandIopenedforKhanyiattheback,
KhenangaveLakhi
weR100.Igavehimt helookand
heshr ugged.Igoti nandst artedthecarandEmi nen
ftDr.Dr eblastedont hest ereoandIqui ckl
y
switchedi toff.Khenanl aughed, andgav emet he
l
ook.Iwasal it
tleembar rassedandt hendroveof f
,
fi
rstitwasKhany i
.Ihadt owal kherintotheschool
andsi gnforher ,“I
’l
lpicky ouupok. ”Hehuggedme,
“andt henicecr eam ri
ght ?”Ilaughed,“
We’ l
lsee.”
Shehuggedmeagai nandr anof f
.Lakhiwe’
sschool
wasal i
ttl
ebi tfurt
her,Itri
edt omakesmal lt
alkbutI
wasn’ twinning, “
whatdoy ouspendal lthemoney
yourdadgi vesy ouon? ”
Lakhi
we:
Idon’
t
Me:
sowhaty
oudowi
thi
t?
Lakhi
we:
Sav
ing.
Me:
That
’scool
.
Lakhi
we:
Iguess.
Me:
Whatar
eyousav
ingf
or?
Helookedoutt
hewindowtry
ingt
oavoi
dmy
quest
ionbutIf
ixedmyeyesonhi
m,“
acell
o.”No,
he
i
sjoki
ng.
Me:
Whydon’
tyouasky
ourf
athert
ogeti
tfory
ou?
Hi
m:Heisn’
tint
othatt
ypeofst
uff
,he’
l
l wantmet
o
pl
ayr
ugbyorwrest
leorsomeshi
tli
kethat.
Me:
Language.Howmuchhav
eyousav
edal
ready
?
Hetookouthi
sphone,andthenlookedupatme,
“
R13870wellmakethatR13970afterdeposi
ti
ng
t
his.
”Iwasatalostf
orwords,“canyouplay?
”he
l
ookedatmeshy l
yandnodded.“Wheredidyou
l
earn?”
Hi
m:Atmyol
dschool
.
Me:
andher
e?
Him:Ishar
ewi
thLondi
inmusi
ccl
assbecauseI
don’
thavemyown.
Me:
Andhowmuchmor
edoy
ouneedt
ogetone?
Hedidn’
tanswer,
“Al
ri
ghtherewear e.Haveagood
day.
”Hegavemet hemostfakesmi l
eandwal ked
i
ntoschool
.“I
’l
lpi
ckyouuplaterIshoutedaf
ter
hi
m.”
Idrovetothemallandheadedstrai
ghtf
orthemusic
shop,Khenanwasgoingtokill
me.Iwalkedaround
theshop,“hima’
am canIhelpyou?”
Me:
Yeah,
pleaseI
’
mlooki
ngf
oracel
l
oformyson.
Her
:Howol
dishe?
ShitI
’m notsur eofLaki we’sage; “
around10”she
l
ookedatmequi zzically,
“comet hisway .
”She
showedmet hecel losf orhissi
ze,thesei nst
ruments
wereexpensiv e,cheapestatR39000andacasef or
R12000andt hest andwasR2400.Okt hi
sboybetter
begoodatt hisorel seIj ustwasted50konnot hi
ng.I
paidandcarriedt hei nstr
umentt othecar ;Iwasso
excit
edtoseet helookonhi sfacewhenheseesi t.I
wentaboutmybusi nessf orthedayandwentt o
Khenan’shouseandhewasn’ tthere,Icarri
edthe
i
nstrumentupt hest air
sandbumpedi ntoKeenan,
“whaaaaatyoooudoooi ng?”
Me:
Keenanl
eav
emeal
one.
Him:Whyar
eyousneaki
ngar
oundmybr
other
’s
house?
Me:
Youmeanmyf
iancé’
shouse?
Hefoll
owedmei nt
oLakhiwe’
sroom,hewatchedme
unzi
pthecase.Helookedatmesetupthecell
o,
“whyareyoudoi
ngthis?”
Me:
Becausehel
i
kesi
t.
Keenan:Nohedoesn’
t,
hel
i
kesvi
deogames.Take
thatbackbef
orey
ouembar
rassy
oursel
f!
Ipushedhim outt
heroom l
aughi
ng,“
Don’tt
ouchi
t.
OrelseI
’l
lki
llyou.
”hewasabouttoprot
est,
and
l
uckil
ymyphoner angitwasKhenan,
“hi
.”
Hi
m:how’
syourday
?
Me:
goodandy
our
s?
Hi
m:Good,
Ijustwant
edt
ochecki
fwe’
rest
il
lon
t
oni
ght
?
Me:Yip.Ok,gett
omyhouseat7h30andwe’ l
ltake
mycar.Wearagown, blackpr
efer
abl
y.Can’
twaitt
o
seeyou,I
’m soexci
ted.

Ibl
ushedandcutt
hephone.
Khenanknewhowt omakemeblush,andIal most
forgotthatIwasmadathi m.Af
tert
hecal lIgave
Keenant helook,herai
sedhi
shandssurrenderi
ng,
“fi
neI’l
lleavethatvi
oli
nwher
eyoulef
tit.
”
Me:
It’
sacel
l
o.
Hi
m:Ov
ersi
zedv
iol
i
n.
Me:
Mxm,
don’
ttouchi
t.

Ilef
tandf inali
zedeveryt
hingf orMbali
’sweddi
ng;it
wasgoi ngt obeatmyhousesoi tmademyj obso
mucheasi er.ThenIwentt opi ckKhanyiup,
wewent
fori
cecr eam andt henpickedLakhiweupf r
om
school,hedi dn’
tseem tobei nthemoodsoIl ethi
m
be.Wedr ov ehomeandIdi dn’tevengoinsi
de,“
will
seey ouguy slater
.”Khanyijumpedov ertot
hefront
seatandgav emeaki ssandj umpedoutof
Lakhiwe’sside.
Imadeament
alnot
etosel
f:Needt
ogett
hatonea
carseat
.
Ihad3hour stogetreadyf ortonight;
Ijumpedi nthe
showerandshav ed.Thatoni t
sownt ookmean
hour;Ipickedoutabl acksuedemer maiddr ess,
boobt ubewi t
hasweet heartneckli
ne.Ilookedfor
accessor i
es,Iset
tledforsilveranddiamonds.Iput
onthedr essandt henmyr obeandsati nf r
ontofthe
mirr
or, l
uckil
ymyhai rwasbehav ingandIputi ti
n
andupdowi t
hadi amondheadpi ece.Ididmyf ace,
ali
ttl
ebi tofcontouri
ngandamat t
epurpleli
p.My
phoner ang,“hey.
”
Hi
m:Ar
eyour
eady
?
Me:
Almost
.
Hi
m:Char
li
eisout
side.
Me:Thanks,
I’
ll
buzzhi
min;
I’
ll
bedowni
n15
mi
nutes.

Il
ookedatt heti
mei twasonly18h20.Iwasn’tlat
e,I
putonmydi amondear ri
ngsandasilverchokerthat
dangledatthebackandIwor etheri
ngKhenan
proposedtomewi th,yesonmyr i
ngfinger.Igota
bl
ackclutchbagandpackedi t,
woremyheel sand
headeddown.Iopenedt hedoorandChar li
est ood
l
ooki nghandsomei nat ux.Irantohim andhugged
him, “youbeenhi dingf r
om me! ”hehuggedmebut
heseemeduncomf ortableandl etmegoopeni ng
thedoorf ormeandwedr ovetoKhenan’shouse.He
wasn’ tout si
dewai t
ingsoIgotoutt hecarand
headedi nsi de, i
ntheki t
chenIf oundAbebi maki ng
supperandKeenansi t
ti
ngandwat chingher .Ir
olled
myey esatt hescenebecausei tlookedtof amili
ar
formyl i
king, shehadabot t
leofchampagneopen
andsi ppingwhi leshecooked, “
myt ypagirl
!”she
turnedar oundandl ookedatmeshocked, “
y ouclean
uppr ettywel l BossLady ,evenscaredt otouchy ou.”
Me:Ohcomeher
e,shegav
emeahugandIpecked
herl
i
ps.
It
urnedmyat
tent
iont
oKeenan,
“wher
eisy
our
br
other
?”
Keenan:
Upst
air
s,get
ti
ngr
eady
.
Me:
Int
hatcasepourmeagl
asswi
l
lyou?

Hegotupandpour
edmeagl
assofbubbl
yandI
stoodwiththenf orawhil
euntilt
heygotl ov
ey -
dovey
,
Iwalkedintotheloungeshouti
ngoutf orKhenanbut
hewasal readyhalfwaydownthest ai
rs.Butmy
shouthadf i
ll
edthehouseandKhany iwasrunning
outherroom, tomysur pr
iseLakhiweranoutofhis
andpushedhi ssisterasi
deandsheal mostfellov
er,
hecamest r
aightformeandat t
ackedmewi thahug!!
Lakhi
we:Ohmygosh!!Li
key
ou’ret
otal
l
yawesome!
!
ILOVEIT,ILOVEI
T,ILOVEI
T!!
!
[
11/
23,
17:
19]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode75

Bewar
ned,
sexsceneahead.
.
.
.
20likesfort
hispostbefor
eIsendoutt
henextone.
..
I
'm beingser
iousthi
stime

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Khenangav emeal ookashepi ckedhi
s
disappoint
eddaughterup,Ismi
leddownatLakhi we,
“I
’m gladyouli
keit.
”Il
eaneddownandki ssedhis
cheek, “
okyoujusthadtoruini
tdidn’
tyou??”he
walkedof f
;It
ookKhany ii
ntomyar ms,“
wher ear
e
yougoi ngmommy ?
”
Me:Idon’
tknowbaby,
yourdadi
ssur
pri
si
ngme.He
hasalotofsor
ri
est
osay.
Shelaughedandal mostt ouchedmyhai randt hen
shestopped,‘y
oul ooktoobeaut i
fulIdon’twantto
ruini
t.
”Oht hi
schild,Ikissedheralloverherface,
“yourui
nany t
hing?Nev er!!
”shegiggledandI
conti
nuedkissingherunt il
Khenani nt
errupt
edus,
“webettergetgoing.”IputKhanyi downandKhenan
heldouthi
shandandwewalkedt
othecart
oget
her
,
heopenedthedoorf
ormeandthenhegoti
nthe
othersi
deandwedroveof
f.
Me:
Wher
ear
eweheadi
ngt
o?
Hi
m:Youl
ookgor
geousbaby
.Il
ovey
ousomuch.
Me:You’r
emaki
ngmebl
ushandnotanswer
ingmy
quest
ion.

Wepul ledupatabui l
dingwher eMbal ihadawor k
functi
onorsomet hing;itwassomechar it
yev entI
don’tremembercl early.Onet hingIdor ememberi s
thatKhenanandIgotki ckedoutoft here.Igav ehi m
thelook,hesmi ledandgotoutt oopent hedoorf or
me, butthebuildingwasempt y
.Igotoutandhel d
ontohisar m ashel edmei ntothegar den;ri
ghtby
thefountainwasabeaut i
fulsetupofacandl el i
t
picni
c…Il ookedathi m andbur iedmyf aceinhi s
chestandIgott eary ,
“Khenan, whatt hehel l
??”he
didn’
treplybutinst eadl if
tedmychi nwi t
hhisi ndex
fi
ngerandki ssedmyl i
ps.Hewal kedusov ertot he
picni
cspot .Weki ckedof fourshoesandsatdown,
“doyouremember?
”Inodded,“
youwer
eint
his
exactdr
ess,t
hat
’swhyIaskedyout
oweari
t.
”
Me:
Youdi
dn’
taskmet
oweari
t,Ichosei
t.
Hi
m:Howmanybl
ackgownsdoy
ouhav
e?
Me:
Shutupandgett
othepoi
ntal
ready
.Haha.

Iknewhegotmet herebecauseIonl
yhadonebl ack
gown;restwer
ecocktai
ldressesandsui
ts.He
openedthechampagneandpour eduseachaglass,
andthenhelookedatme.
Khenan:
Not
hando,
youknowIl
ovey
our
ight
?
Me:
Hmm.
Khenan:Whenwewer einf rontofthisfount ai
nI
madeawi sh,andmywi shwast omar ryyouandf or
ustobet ogetherforther estofourlives.NowI
real
izeandacknowl edgeIam nott heeasi estperson
toloveandgetal ongwi thbuty outryandIr eall
y
appreci
ateit.YesattimesIdon’ tshowi tbutyou’re
thebestthingthat’
sev erhappenedi nmyl if
e,Iwas
hardandcol dbeforeyoubutnowy ou’remaki ngme
softandal lmar shmal l
owl i
ke.Becausei t’sy oui ts
cool ,Ilov edKhensani andshegav emet hemost
beaut i
ful chil
dren, butt hewayIseey ouwi tht hem, i
s
somagi cal andspeci al;it
’salmostl i
key ouar et heir
mot herandIdon’ twantt ohav et ot akey ouaway
from t hem.Iknowy ouwi lldoawonder f
ul j
obat
l
ov ingandt akingcar eoft hem asi ft heywer ey our
own.Whenwel ostourbaby ,Iknowt hatcuty ou
deepi nthehear t,Itriedt obet heref ory oubutI
fail
edandendedupl eav ingy ouf ormont hsonend
andIam sosor ryyouhadt ogot hr oughal l oft hat
ony ourown.Butev enaf terev erythingIputy ou
through; youst il
l managedt oputy our selfsecond
andt ookcar eofmybusi nessesanddi dawonder f
ul
j
obati t.WhenIwokeupIf eltlessofamanbecause
youmanagedt oaccompl i
shev erythingIwant edt o
doi nsomanyy ears, buty ouonl ydi di tandmuch
mor ei nj ustaf ewmont hs.I’
m sor ryIt ookmy
frust r
ationsoutony ouandIwi l
lnev erdoi tev er
agai n.Ilov ey ouandIcannotl ivewi thouty oui nmy
l
ife, sobabyIknowy ousai dy esbef or e.ButIst ill
feel li
keaski ngthisquest i
onagai n, pleasewi l
ly ou
mar r yme? ”
Thet earswer ejuststr
eamingdownmycheeksandI
tr
iedwi pingthem awaybuti twasapoi
ntl
ess
exercise.Il
ookedupatmymanandInodded, “
of
course.”Hepul l
edoutabl ackboxfr
om hi
sinner
pocketofhi sjacket,andrev
ealedasi
mplerawblack
diamondengagementr i
ng.
Me:
Khenan,
no.I
’
m nott
aki
nganot
herr
ing,
thi
sit
t
oomuch.
Hi
m:Baby
,bu-
Me:Nobaby( Isaidthroughmyt ears.
)Il
ov eyouand
Idon’
twanty outobuymer i
ngsandpr oposea
mil
li
ontimes.Iloveyou, Ichosetolovey ou,Ichoose
youagai
nt odayandy ouwi ll
foreverbemynumber
onechoice.Juststopfuckingaroundandt akethat
shi
tseri
ouslyok.

Henoddedal sonowintearsandheki ssedmyli

ps,
wewentintoadeepki ssandnextthingIwasonmy
back,
hepulledawayfrom thekissandst ar
edi
nto
myeyes.Istaredbackathim wait
ingforhimto
decl
arehislovef
ormeagain,buthedi
dn’
t,i
nstead
heaskedmesomet hi
ng.“BabywhydidLakhi
wegi v
e
youahug? ”Igav
ehim apl
ayfulsl
apandpushedhim
offmeandsatupstrai
ght,“
andhereIwasthinki
ng
youwil
ltel
l meyoul
ovemesomuch. ”
Him:youknowIdo,
butyousaidhedoesn’
tli
key
ou
andnowy ouguy
sarebest
ies?
Me:
Promi
sey
ouwon’
tfr
eakoutandj
udgehi
m?
Him:Yougoi
ngt
otel
lmenott
ofr
eakoutaboutmy
son?
Igavehimthel
ook?Hequi
ckl
yfi
xedhi
sst
atement
,
“ourson?
”
Me:
Ok‘
yourson’
play
sthecel
l
o.SoIgothi
m one.
Hi
m:What
’sacel
l
o?
Me:
Arey
oubei
ngser
iousr
ightnow?
Henodded, ohGodsav eme, “
anov ersizedv i
oli
n.”
Hel aughedandimitatedplayi
ngani nvisibl
ecello,
“l
ikethisbaby?”Igavehim astrai
ghtf aceandhe
wipedt hegri
noffhisface,“i
sheanygood? ”I
shruggedmyshoul ders,“
buthei stheonl yoneI
cl
asswhodoesn’
thaveoneandhei
sshar
ingwi
th
somegi
rlnamedLondi
.”
Khenan:heal
readyhasagi
rl
fr
iend,t
hat
’smyboy
.
Butwait
,whydidn’
theaskmef ori
t?
Me:
Woul
dyouhav
egot
teni
tforhi
m?
Hi
m:Wel
l
,li
k-
Me:
Mypoi
ntexact
ly.What
’si
nthebasket
?

Hesawt hatIwasav oidingt alkingaboutt hetopic

anyf ur t
her,soheopenedt hebasketandt ookoutall
ofmyf avor
ites.Weat eandt alkedaboutaf ew
thingsandt henhest oodupandhel pedmet omy
feet.Hehandedmea50candhehel daR2i nhis
hand, “maybey ourwishwi l
l comet ruet hist
ime!”He
l
aughed, “Whosai di
tdi dn’t
? ”Ianswer edhi m wit
ha
straightface, “whatwasy ourwi shbaby ?”Il
ookedat
him andpout ed, “
Iwishedf oramanwhowoul d
reactt omymut hi
.”Hest oodt her eanddi dn’tsay
any t
hi ng,heclosedhi sey esandt hent ossedthe
coini ntothef ountai
nt henl ookedatmeand
signal edformet odot hesame, Icl
osedmyey es,
andj ustasIwasaboutt
othr
owmycoininhe
pickedmeupandt ossedmeint
othef
ountai
n,
“KHENAN! !”
Hi
m:How’
syourmut
hiwor
king?Haha.
Me:
Getmeoutofher
e.
Heputonefooti
nthefount
ainandgr abbedmy
arms,“
haha,sor
rybaby.
”IsaidthatasIgrabbedhis
bodyandt
uggeditandhefloppedintothewater.
Hi
m:Babydoy
ouknowhowmucht
hist
uxcost
s.
Me:
DoIcar
e?
Igotoutt hef ountainandl efthimt hereandwal ked
towardst hecar ,“
I’m goingt ocatchy ou!”Hepi cked
upmycl ut chandshoesasIr antowar dsthecar ,he
caughtupwi thmej ustasIwasaboutt oopent he
doorandgr abbedmewi thonehandpi nningme
againstthecar ,“yourmut hi i
swor king,nextti
meI ’
l
l
giveyouaR5coi nsot hati twor ksev enmor e.”He
kissedmedeepl yunt il
Char li
eroll
eddownt he
window, “sorrytointerrupt ,butincasey ouguy s
hav efor
got ten.Khenany ouwer eassi ckasadog
l
astt i
mey ouguy sdidt his, I
’dsuggestwef ini
sht he
par
tyathome.
”

Khenanpul l
edawayf rom meandwegoti ntot hecar
andheadedhome.Ist ayedov eratKhenan’shouse;
heimmedi atelywentupst airstorunourbat h.Iwent
tocheckont heki ds,Lakhiwewassl eepi
ngwi tha
smileonhisf ace.Iclosedt hewidowsandki ssedhis
for
eheadandIsear chedf orKhany i
,onlytofindher
cuddledwithKeenanandAbebi .Keenanopenedhi s
eyesthemi nuteIopenedt hedoor ,
“sorryhoney .
Goodni ght
.”Iclosedt hedoorandwentupst ai
rs;I
hungmywetdr essont heshowerandgoti ntot he
bathwithKhenan, “
tooky oulongenough. ”
Me:
Iwentt
ogocheckony
ourki
ds.
Hi
m:Oh,
theyar
emi
nenow.
Wet ookabathandhecar r
iedmet otheroom and
dri
edmeof f.Wegotunderhissil
ksheetsnaked
withtheai
rcononheat.Ihadmissedhim somuch,
hehel dmeinhisarmsandhewasdosi ngof f
,“ar
e
yousleepi
ng?”hejustsi
mplyrepl
ied,
“hmm. ”I
wiggledmywayoutofhi sarmsandundert he
blanketandont omyknees.Igr abbedhi sshaf ted
andl i
ckedhi st i
pwi thmywett ongue, “baa-”he
stoppedt alki
ngandmoanedwhenIl i
ckedhi sballs
andmov edmyt ongueupt ohi
st i
pagai n.Hel etout
asof tmoan, andIknewhewaswi deawakewhenI
felthishandonmywethai rmovingi toutofmyf ace.
Ispatonhi sdickandspr eadmysal iv aoni tusing
myhandandt hent ookhim alli
nsidemymout h,I
boppedmyheadupanddownsucki nghi m whi l
eI
play edwi thhisbal lswithonehand.Hepushedmy
headdownont ohisshaf tandIgaggedabi tand
tookhi m outofmymout h.Hetookt hecov ersof f
myheadandhada‘ sor
ry’l
ookonhi sf ace, Iputhi m
backi nandsuckedhi m withmyey esl ookingi nto
his,buthecoul dn’tholdthestareandst art
ed
thrust i
ngi ntomymout handIgott hehi ntand
startedmov i
ngf aster,“f
uck…babyI ’m comi ng.”I
pulledmymout hawayashesl i
ghtlycameonmy
chin, hepul l
edmybodyupandheputhi shandi n
bet weenmyl egst ouchingmypeach, “what’sgoing
onher ebaby ? ”Iblushed, “
shutupandmakel ov eto
me! ”
Mypeachwasdr i
ppi ngwetandhel ower edmeont o
hisdi ckandhet hr ust edonceandwasf ullyi
nside
andhepaused.Thepai nandpl easuret rav el
led
throughmyent irebodyandhewai t
edf ormet o
comebackdownt oear t
hbef orehef li
ppedmeov er
andst artedmaki ngl ov etomewhi l
eIwasf l
atonmy
back.Hegav emesof tst rokes,hegr abbedmy
handsandputt hem ov ermyheadandwewer eface
tof aceandt hat’swhenourr hy t
hm wasi nsy nc.He
l
ookedi ntomyey esandwasbr eathingsl owl y,I
coul dn’ttakei tany mor eandIt ilt
edmyheadback
andpul ledmyl ef thandoutofhi sgripandpul l
edhis
bodycl oset omi ne.If elthisbodymassonmi neand
hisgr oinwasr ubbi ngagai nstmybar ecl i
t,Ibiti
nto
hisshoul derandmybodyst i
ffenedint oanor gasm.I
l
etoutshor tli
ttl
ebr eat hesandhescr eamedasmy
wal l
st ight enedar oundhi sshaf t,“
one. ”Hesai d.He
l
iftedof fmeandpi ckedupmyr i
ghtlegandhi space
wentf ast erhitt
ingmyg- spot ,
“baby …f uckbaby …
oh…mu…mu…myaaahshi t!
’Idugmynai lsintohis
skinandhesmi led, “two. ”Het ookmyv er ysamel eg
andputi tov ermyr ightl eg, t
urningmeov ertomy
sideabi tandsepar atedmyass.Thi smanwentas
deepashecoul di nsidemeandIcoul dn’thol d
my selffrom comi ngagai n, Icoul dn’tgr abont ohis
bodysoIgr abbedt hesheet sbutbi thi swr istinto
myt hirdor gasm, whichl ast edabout15seconds.
Whenmybodycal meddown, Ilookedathi m andhe
shookhi shead, “that’snumbert hr ee.”Het henl i
ft
ed
myasssl ightlyof fthebedandt ur nedmef acedown,
myr ightl egwasi nbet weenhi slegsandmyl eft
kneewashal fsuppor t
ingmeont hebed.Hegr abbed
pil
lowandputi tundermywai standt henr ammed
i
ntomehar d, Iletoutal oudmoan, “ssshhh. ”Washe
beingser i
ous, howcoul dIwhenhewasdoi ngt histo
mybody .Hecont i
nuedt or am har di nt omet henhe
broughtmyassupandIwascompl et elyonmy
kneesandnowcoul dcont rol t
hemov ement ,buthe
wouldn’ tletme…hepul l
edoutandmyj uiceswer e
dri
ppi ngont ot hesheet s, hepl ay edwi thhi sdi ck
aroundmyopeni ngt easingmeandt appi ngi tonmy
cl
it,“
babypl ease, Iwanty -”hedi dn’twai tf ormet o
fi
nishmysent enceanddr ill
edi nt omehar d, myt eeth
cl
enchedt hepi l
lowandIscr eamedi nt oi t.Hehel d
ontomywai stt ightandhepi ckeduphi space, he
growl edl i
keawi ldani mal andsl ammedi nt omeone
l
astt i
mebef orehisbodystiffenedandwebot h
camet ogether.Hedidn’tl
etgoofmeandst ay ed
i
nsidemet i
llmymuscl esrelaxedar oundhisdick.
Myl egswer eshaki ngandmykneescoul dnol onger
suppor tme, Icoll
apsedontomyt ummyandhe
camet umblingont opofme.Hewhi sper
edintomy
ear,“numberf ur,welldonebaby .”Iletoutalaugh,
butmyl egswer estil
ltr
embl i
ng.Inmyheadal lthat
waspl ayi
ngwasKel l
yRowl andftLil Wayne-
Motiv ati
on.

“Andwhenwe’
redone,Idon’
twanttofeelmylegs.
Andwhenwe’r
edone,Ijustwantt
ofeelyourhands
all
overmebaby”

Khenanfinal
lyf
lippedmeov erandl ayontopofme,
hestaresatmef orawhi l
eandki ssedmylips,“
you
dri
vemecr azy!
”Ijustblushed, hecarri
edmei ntot
he
showerwherewecl eanedupandhadanot her
amazinground.Wechangedt hesheet sandf el
l
asl
eepaf t
ercaressingeachot her’sbodi
es.
Iwokeupat3am, wit
hKhenanspooni ngme.It r
ied
togetoutofbedbuthetightenedhisgripandpulled
meclosertohisnakedbody, “
babyIneedt opee.
”
HeletgoofmeandIwentt othet oi
l
et,Ifl
ushedand
j
ustasIwaswashi ngmyhandshewasbehi ndme
wit
hami schi
evouslookonhi sface,“
what?”
Hi
m:You’
rej
ustsof
ucki
ngsexyi
nthemor
ning.

Het ookast epcl osertomeandki ssedmyneck, he

gav emebut t
erfl
ykissedal lthewayt omyshoul der
andbackupmyneckt omyear ,“Iwanty ou.
”He
l
iftedmyl egandputi tont hesinkandf i
ngeredme
fr
om behi nd.Heki ssedmedownmybackt il
lhegot
tomyassandt henknel tdownandat emypeach, I
knockedt het oothbrushesof fthesi nki
nanor gasm
andhest oppedt ogiggleatme, hecamebackup
andwi thoutawar ni
ngent eredmef rom behind.I
l
ookedathi sreflect
ionint hemi rrorandthev einson
hisforeheadwer esticki
ngoutandhewasl ookingat
myasswhi l
eclenchinghist eeth.Hepi ckedmeup
bymyt hi
ghswi t
hhim stil
l deepinsideme, myback
pinnedagai nsthischestandhesatdownont he
toil
etseatl et
ti
ngmet akecont
rol
.Ifirststarted
slowlyall
owi nghimt okissmyneckandcar essmy
breastthenIt ookhishandsandpl acedt hem onmy
hipswhi l
eIgr i
ndedfastandbentdowngr abbing
ontohist oes,“Tha….
and…oo!aaahf u..uck!!
”he
grabbedt ightl
yontomyhi pspull
i
ngmet owar dshi
m
andhi stoescur l
edupi nmyhandsandhet wi t
ched
acoupl eoft i
mesandt henl
etoutabr eathal most
l
ikehewashol di
ngitinforanhour.
Khenan:
Fuckbabyy
ou’
renotf
air
.
Me:
Ha,
youst
art
ed.

Igotof fhi
m andgr abbedat owelandweti twi th
war m water
, Icl
eanedhim upandt hencleaned
my selfupandwal kedintotheroom.Iwast i
redandI
neededt osleep.Hest oodi
nt hedoorwayf rom t he
bathroom tot hebedroom,“youknowIcangoonf or
anotherround? ”It
ossedhim hispajamabot toms
andIputonmypaj amas,“youknowKhany iwi l
lwalk
i
ntot hatdooranymi nuteri
ght?”helaughedandgot
dressedandspoonedme.Andj ustli
kepredi cted,
Khany ibargedthought hedoorandj umpedontothe
bed,Ipr et
endedtobeasl eepunt i
lherfather
convincedhert osleep.Weallsleptforanother
coupleofhour s,t
hankgodf orSat ur
day s
[
11/
23,
17:
20]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode76

Thingswer egr eatbet weenKhenanandme, wewer e

happyandsower ethekids.Itwas3day sbeforethe
weddi ngwhenIr eceivedthemosthor ri
fyingnews,
“whatdoy oumeandoubl ebooked?I ’
l
l doublet he
pri
ce…t hisissounpr ofessi
onal andyouror chestra
wil
l nev erfindwor kany whereinCapeTownf orthe
nextcoupl eofy ears.”Icutthecallandal mostt hrew
myphoneagai nstt hewal lbeforereal
izinghow
muchIact uall
yneededi t
.Lakhiwecamet ositnext
tome, andhehadahugegr i
nonhi sface.“ Lakhiwe
notr i
ghtnowsweet y,I
’m busy.”
Hi
m:We’
l
ldoi
t.
Me:
Dowhat
?
Hi
m:Whaty
ouneedust
odo.
Me:
Nope,
Ineedpr
ofessi
onal
s.

Hekissedmycheekandwal kedout.Iwasso
st
ressedandIwentupstai
rstotakeanap.Iwas
wokenupbyLakhiweagain,sti
l
lwiththesamegr
in
onhisface,
“fol
l
owme. ”
Me:
Ok,
letmegetdecent
.

Ibrushedmyt eeth,thenmyhai randt henwal ked

downst ai
rswi t
hhi m hol dingmyhand.Idi dn’thav e
ti
met oask; hesatmedowni nachai ront hepat io
andr aninside.Hewal kedoutwi th3gi rl
s, hewas
carryi
nghiscel l
owhi chl ookedheav yforhi m andt he
girl
shadv iolins.Theyal lsatdownandopenedup
theirmusicbooksandst art
edpl aying.I twast he
mostbeaut i
ful melodyev erandIpi cturedmy self
walkingdownt heaisleandst artedt earingup, they
playedforabout5mi nutesandt henst opped.Igav e
them aclapandLakhi wespoke, “that’sf orwhen
AuntMbal iwal ksdownt heai sl
e, butf ort heirfir
st
dance, t
hisiswhatwewer ethinking.”Andt hey
start
edplayi
ngagain,Iaut
omat i
call
yrecogni
zedthe
tuneandthenoneoft hegir
lsstoodupandst ar
ted
singi
ng:Youlif
tm heartupwhent herestofmeis
down.You, y
ouenchantmeev enwheny ou’
renot
around.I
fthereareboundari
es,Iwil
ltr
ytoknock
them down.I’
ml at
chi
ngon, babe,nowIknowwhatI
havefound…

Thesel i
ttl
ekidswerejusttooper fect,theydi
dn’t
evenfinishbecauseIwascr yingt oomuch.Thel i
tt
le
girl
whowassi ngingcamet ositnextt ome.“ We’re
sorryt
omakey oucry,
we’rejusttry i
ngt ohel
p”I
didn’
tevenknowwhatt osay ,Icalledthem alli
nand
wehadagr ouphug.Lakhiwebr oket hesil
ence,“so
canwepl ayforthewedding?”
Thisboyi sachancerl i
kehisf ather
, “ofcourse,
you
guysareper fect!
”theyall
highf i
vedandhugged.
ThenLakhi wei nt
roducedhisf ri
endst ome, “
thi
sis
Stacey,andPhi ndiandthi
si sLondi .Guy sthi
sis
my …uhm, mom. ”Hewashol dingLondi ’
shand
whichIt houghtwascut e,butwhatt ookmyby
surpri
sewashi m cal
li
ngme‘ mom’
Khenanwalkedi
nandLakhiweletgoofherhand
andstoodupstr
aight
,Khenanwalkedov
ertousand
satnextt
ome.
Hi
m:Ar
eyoumaki
ngmyf
iancécr
y?
Lakhi
we:
Yessi
r,wi
thsweetmel
ody
.
Icoul
dn’
thelpbutlaugh,“
howareyouguys?
”theyal
l
sai
dtheyaregreatandKhenanaskedi
fhomewor k
wasdone,whichlucki
lywasal
ldone.
Him:Great
,Iguesswecanallgooutf
orsupperout
befor
eItakeall
ofyouguyshome?
Theyjumpedupanddownandscr eamed,“Pack
yourthi
ngs,we’r
eleav
ingi
n15.”Theki
dstookthei
r
i
nstrumentsinsi
deandhelookedatme,“
baby
what’swrong?”
Me:Idon’
tknow,
thekidswil
lpl
ayatMbal
i
’s
weddi
ngandLakhiwecall
edmemom.
Hetri
edtokeepast r
aightface,andpickedme
upst
air
s,“
getdressed,it
’sabitchil
ly.I
’
llget
ever
yoneready
.”Itooka5mi nuteshower;Iwor
e
thi
ckblackleggi ngsandmykneehi ghbootswitha
kni
ttedjer
sey .Ididn’
tbotherwithmakeupbutIdi d
wearabeani e.Khany iwalkedintomyr oom weari
ng
cuddlebootsl ookingcut
easev er,
“daddysaidhe’
s
hungryandwemustl eavey ou.
”
Me:
Hedi
d?
Her
:Yeah,
butIsai
dI’
drat
herst
aywi
thy
ou.
Me:
That
’smygi
rl
.

Igaveherahigh5,Icarriedherdownthestai
rs.We
hadtotakedi
ffer
entcar s.It
ooktheolderki
dsin
Khenan’
sPorscheCay enneandher odewithKhany
i,
KeenanandAbebi t
hej aguar.

Wewentt oRoccomamasandhadsuppert here.On

thewaybackIwaswi t
hKhenanandal lt
heki dsin
thePorsche,wedr oppedeveryoneathome.Wet ook
Londihomelast,sheaskedust omeetherpar ents
becausetheyarest r
ict
.KhenanandIwal kedi nthe
l
ov el
yhouse,itf
eltsohomel y
.West ayedtheref or
about30mi
nut
esandt
henheadedbackhome.

Theweddingwasacompl etesuccess,soemotional
andinti
mate.Idon’
tknowhowmanyt imesIcri
ed,
MbaliandIdancedt ogethermoret hanshedidwith
herhusband.Weev entuall
ygottiredandsatdown,
“t
hisisi
tri
ght.Ial
way sthoughty ouwouldget
marri
edbeforeme.”
Me:
Whyi
sthat
?
Her
:Spha!Duuh!
!
Me:Don’
tgother
e;you’
rest
il
lmysisterfi
rstbef
ore
bei
nganybody
’swif
e.Youbestnotforget
.
Her
: Somanyrolest
oplay
;wif
e,fr
iend,
sist
erand
mother.Ohl
et’
snotfor
getst
il
lbei
ngadaughter.
Me:Ha,t
her
eisnobodywhocanhandl
eitbet
ter
t
hanyou.
Her
:Il
ovey
ousomuch.
Me:Stopcryi
ng,y
ouknowIwi
l
lcr
ytoo,
andy
ouhav
e
nochoicebuttol
oveme.
Wecr i
edandhuggedfort
helongestti
me.Iwassad
thatIwasgoi
ngtomissherbir
th,but‘
onl
y4months’
Ikepttel
l
ingmysel
f.

Itwastimeformet ogoal readyandi twasthe

saddest!
!Khenanandt heki dsdrovemet othe
air
port,
Ihadt oomuchl uggageev enthoughIhad
sentsomeaheadofmei twasst i
llt
oomuch.Wegot
totheairpor
tandZeewast heretosendmeof f
,“I
can’tl
etmydaught erjustflyacrosstheworldin
thesecheapflight
s.”
Me:
Real
l
ynowdad?
Him:Youshouldbeaskingwhyyour‘hubbyt
obe’
doesn’
thaveajetyet.SoIhav
escheduled
ever
ythi
ng,
y outakeoffi
n2hours.Enjoy.

Hekissedmycheekandwal kedoffbef
oreIcoul
d
sayanythi
ng.Al
lmybagswer epackedint
othejet
andthat’
swhenIwishIpackedmor e…Isai
d
goodby
etotheki
dsandwentacr
osst
hewor
ldt
o
j
udgeChopped.
Iwasawayf orsolongandf el
thomesi ck,
Khenan
couldn’
tleavethekidsbecauset her
ewasnobodyt o
watchthem, andImi ssedhisbir
thday.WeSkyped
al
mostev er
ysingl
eday ,
MbaliandISkypedalott
oo
andshehadt hecutestbabyali
ve.Imissedherso
muchandIwasgonef or3monthsandhadone
moremont htogo.

Iwasi nbedwhenIreceivedthecal
l,
“hel
lo.
”Iwas
halfasleepwhenKhenancriedovert
hephone,
“Khanyi wasi
nanaccidentandsheisinhospi
tal
.”
Me:
Baby
,what
?Khany
i?
Khenanjustcr
iedanddi
dn’
tanswerme,
“babywhat
happened?”
Hi
m:Khensani
tri
edt
otakeherandt
hen-
”

Thecallcut
,ohf
uckno!!Thi
swhorewast
ryi
ngme!I
gotoutofbedandopenedmylapt
opandbooked
thefi
rstfl
i
ghtwhichwasi n2hours.Ishower
edand
packedonlyanov er
nightbag.Igotacabt ot
he
air
portwhil
eItextedKristoletthenetwor
kknow
thatIhadafamilyemer gency.

Ilandedaf t
erwhatf el
tli
keday s,andIf r
eshenedup
i
nt heai rpor trest rooms, Igotashut tletot he
hospi t
alandwal kedin,actuallyr anin, “
Khany i
si l
e
DeCost a? ”t henur sepointedmet othepedi atric
war d.Iar rivedatKhany i’
sr oom andKhensani was
sleepingont hebedwi t
hKhany i
andKhenanwas
sleepingonf loori nasleepi ngbag.Iwal kedov erto
Khensani andgr abbedherbyt heweav eandshef el
l
tothef loorscr eaming,“bitchy oubet t
ershutt he
fuckupbef or ey ouwakemybabyup. ”Idr aggedher
outt her oom andKhenanr anaf terusandhet riedto
stopme.Khensani gotupf rom t hef l
oorbecauseI
wasdi st ract edwi t
hKhenan, “arey out el
lingmet o
stop?St opwhatKhenan?Sot hechi ldrenmustkeep
gettingadmi ttedt ohospital cozofherass?What
happenedl astt i
mewi thLakhi we?Youwantt he
samet hingt ohappen?MustIwal koutofher eso
youcanbeafami
l
yagai
n?Tel
lmenowandIwi
l
l
walkaway
!”
Khenan:
Thand-
Me:Nope, wher
ethefuckhasshebeen?Wherewas
she,t
ell
menowKhenanandIwi ll
walkoutoft
his
hospi
talandIwil
lnev
erbotheryouandtheki
dsever
agai
n.
Khenan:Justdoy’
al
lshi
tout
sideIdon’
twantmy
daughtert
oseethi
sshit
.

Ididn’
tcarewhathef el
tli
keatt hatpoint
,Isl
apped
herandshef elldownagai n,“getyourassupand
fol
lowme. ”IkissedKhenan’ sheadandwal kedaway
butKhensani didn’tf
oll
ow, Iwalkedbackand
grabbedherbyt hearmthistimeandl edheroutsi
de.
Islappedhertot heground, “
whatwer eyoudoing
withmydaught er?”
Khensani
:Thandoshe’
snoty
our
s.Shei
smybaby
gi
rl
.
Me:
soar
eyouhappyshei
sint
hatst
atenow?
Ilandedanotherthi
ckoneonhercheekandshef el
l
totheground,“bit
chy oubett
errunandnotlook
backbecausei fIeverseeyouruglyf
acearound
thesekids,
youwi llbesorr
y!”
Her:
Than.
..
do,
I’
m sor
ry;pl
easedon’
ttakemy
chi
l
drenawayf
rom me.Theyareal
lIhavel
eft
.
Me:
Had!Nowgett
hef
uckoutofher
e.

Iwalkedbackinsi
detomyman; hehadhi
shead
bur
iedinhishands..
.It
ouchedhi
sshoul
derandhe
l
ookedupatme.

Khenan:
Didy
our
eal
l
yhav
etocauseascene?
Me:Areyour
eal
l
ygoi
ngt
oaskmet
hatquest
ion
r
ightnow?
Khenan:
Shei
sthemot
herofmydaught
erThando!
!
Me:AndthereasonwhyKhany ii
sinhospit
alri
ght
now,doyounotgetitKhenan?Idroppedever
ythi
ng
j
usttogether
eandbewi thyourightnow,asa
fami
lyandyou’
resti
l
l pr
otect
ingher?Whatthefuck,
shedumpedt hekidswithmewheny ouwer ein
hospi
tal
!Doessheseem l ikeshegivesaf ucktoy ou?
Whydidn’tshet akeLakhi?Whydi dsheonl ytake
Khanyi
?Khenanpl easeIneedy outot hi
nkst r
aight
ri
ghtnow, Iknowy oulovey ourchil
dren,and
worry
ingaboutKhensani r
at t
ingyououtt othecops
shoul
dbet heleastofyourwor ri
esri
ghtnow!I ’
m not
havi
ngit…

Iwal
kedint
oKhanyi
’sr
oom wi t
htearsinmyey es;
shewasbrui
sedonherface…Igotontobedwi thher
andhel
dherti
ght
ly;
Iwast i
redandfell
asleep.
[
11/
23,
17:
20]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode77

Justasni
ppet
..
.don'
tknowwhenI
'
llbeabl
etopost
.
Busydaytomor
row..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Themorni
ngwakeupwasbeaut i
ful;
Khanyiwas
play
ingwi
thmyf aceandhai
r.Iopenedoneeyeand
shegotashockbutthenshelaughed,Ismi
l
edather,
“howarey
ouf eel
ingbaby
?”
Her
:I’
m hungr
y.
Me:
letmepeeandt
hengety
ousomet
hingokay
?
ShenoddedandIwenti ntoherbathroom,itwasso
ti
ny.Ididmybusi nessandrinsedmymout h,washed
myf aceandputsomewat eronmyhai rt
okeepi t
down, whenIwal kedout,
Khany i
wasl aughingwit
h
herdad, Idi
dn’tevenl
ookathi m,“whatdoy ouwant
forbreakfastsweety?
”
Her
:Icecr
eam,
chocol
atef
lav
our
.
Ilef
tt her oom thi
nki
ngshereal
lyi
sthedevi
l,If
ound
anur seandor der
edforal
lofusandwentbackt o
theroom.Theywer est
il
lpl
ayi
ngandlaughi
ng,“Ok
breakf astiscomingup,bat
htimeforyoumissy!
”
sheopenedupherar msf ormeandIpi ckedherup
l
eavingKhenanont hebedbyhi msel
f.Iranthewater
whil
eshedidanumber2, andt henfoundt he
hospit
alt
oil
etri
esforher.Iputherinthewat erand
star
tedwashinghersmal lbr
uisedbody ,“what
happenedbaby?”
Helookedatmesmil
i
ng,al
mostl
ikeshewasn’ti
n
pai
n,“mommy ,
mommyK, cameint
otheroom and
sai
dsheistaki
ngmebackhome.Itol
dherthatI
don’
twanttogo,”
Me:
Whydi
dn’
tyouwantt
ogowi
thher
?
Her:Becauseshel
eftme,andImadenewf
ri
endand
Icouldn’
tsaybyet
oy ou.
Ismil
ed,“andthenwhathappened,shehi
tme
becauseIsaidno,Icr
iedanddaddywokeup.She
putmeint hecarandthenshespeededaway,
then
wehitatree”
Me:Ohbaby,
I’
m sosor
ryshet
ri
edt
otakey
ou
wi
thoutmesayi
nggoodby
e.
Her:
ButIdon’
teverwanttosaygoodbyetoyou,she
wentawayandnowy ou’
remymommy .Onlywhen
youdon’
twantt
obemymommyanymor
ethen
daddycanmarr
ymynewmommyandt
henyoucan
saygoodby
e.
Khenan:
Buty
oudon’
twantanewmommyr
ight
?
Khany
i:IwantThandot
obemymommyf
orev
er.
Khenan:
Doesi
thur
t?
Khany
i:onl
yher
e,andher
eandt
her
e.
Shewaspoi nti
ngatherknee,shoulderandthe
brui
seonhercheek, Khenangrabbedheraf t
erIdr
ied
her“i
twill
getbetteraf
terIki
ssit,butfi
rstcome
havebreakfast
.”Hecarri
edhernakedbodyt ot
he
room andplacedheronthebed.Herf acechanged
whenshedi dn’
tseeicecream.
Me:Theydi
dn’
thav
eanyi
cecr
eam;
we’
l
lgetat
homeok?

Shenodded,andateherbr
eakf
ast
.Thedoct
orcame
i
n,“morni
ngy oungl
ady.
”Shesmil
edandgreet
ed
thedoct
or.
Me:
Canwet
akeherhome?
Khenan:Cal
m downThando,
let
’shearwhatt
heman
hastosay.
Dr:Hait’
sf i
neMr.DeCosta.Andyes,
youguy scan
takeherhomeshe’salri
ght.Ij
ustwantedt
okeepher
overni
ght,shewasn’
thurtbadly
.Shehasstrong
bones.
Thedoct
orbrushedKhany i
’shair
,Khenandr essed
herandwewal kedouttotheparki
ng.Myphoner ang,
i
twasKris,
“Krissy,
howar eyou..
.Ok….That’sgreat….
Noprobl
em thanky ousweety….Alr
ighthoney,Thank
you.
”
Iwassti
ll
alit
tl
emadatKhenanaboutl
astni
ght
,but
Iwasexci
tedbecauseIhadt
her
estoft
heweekto
spendwit
hmyf amil
y.
Khenan:
Andt
hatgr
in?
Me:
I’
m her
eunt
ilSunday
.
Khenan:
Arey
ouf
orr
eal
baby
?

Inodded,
wedrovehomeandIKhany iandIwentt
o
bed.Iwassot
ir
ed,Ikeptt
hinki
ngaboutKhensani
andhowsel fi
shshei s.Shewant stot akeheraway
from theonlymansheknowsasaf at her?Iknow
Khany ii
sn’tKhenan’sbiological
daught erbuthe
raisedher.Iwokeupaf ewhour slaterandKhany i
wasst il
lasleep,t
hehousewasempt ysoIdecided
tocallKali
sa, l
ucki
lyshepi ckedup.
Me:
Howar
eyouKal
i
sa?
Her
:Gooddearandy
ou?
Me:
Wear
eal
ri
ght
,wasj
ustmi
ssi
ngy
ou.
Her:Mi
ssingme?Youki
ckedusoutofKhenan’
s
housel
ikedogs.
Me:Youimaginati
onisrunningawaywi thyouKal
i
sa,
t
hat’
snothowi thappened.Plus,youandyourson
wer
etryi
ngtogetr i
dofmyf iancésot hi
sisme
t
ryi
ngtomov eforwardfrom that
.
Her
:Ok,
whatdoy
ouwant
?
Me:
Iwaswonder
ingwhenwecancomef
orav
isi
t?
Her
:Any
time.
Me:IwantatimewhenTar
eckwi
l
lbet
her
etoo,
we
hav
en’tseenhi
minfor
ever
.
Her
:Thatmakest
woofushoney
.
Me:Al
ri
ght
,I’
l
ltal
ktoKhenanandwe’
l
lgi
vey
out
he
dat
es.

Weendedt hecallandcoul dn’thel

pbutwonder
whereTareckwas, andwhyhehadj ustdisappeared,
wordshouldbeoutnowt hatCooni sgone.Thisis
whenheshouldbet r
yingt ofi
ndhi sdaughter
becausei
tissafe.ButIhadt ogett othebottom of
thi
sfamil
y’spr
oblems, andsor tt
hisshitoutonce
andforal
l.
Ichi
l
ledwit
hthef
amilyfortherestoftheweekand
managedtoseeMbali
’
sl i
tt
lebundle.Iwasi
nl ove,
andmaybewentali
tt
leoverwiththeshopping,butI
hadtospoi
lmygodson.

Todaywasmyl astdayforchopped,
wefinishedup
theepi
sodeandIwasexci t
edtogobackhome.I
headedtothefl
atthatIwasrenti
ngandstarted
packi
ng;Ithi
nkIshoppedalit
tl
etoomuchwhi l
eI
washere.Ineededextr
abags;Icoul
dn’
twai tti
l
l
tomor rowt ol eavet hi
spl ace.Iwasdr inking
champagnei nKhenan’ sbasket ball
v estandsocks
andt hedoor bellrang,Igotupf rom thecoucht o
checkwhoi twas.Iopenedt hedoorandmybaby
wasst andi ngi nfrontofme.Ij umpedont ohim and
wr appedmyl egsar oundhi m andputmyar ms
aroundhi sneck.“ Baby ,Ican’tbreath,”Ihi thi
m
play f
ully,hebentdownandpi ckeduphi sbagwi t
h
mest i
l
l cl
ingingont ohim.Hecl osedt hedoorwi t
h
hisf ootandcar r
iedmet othelounge, “ whatareyou
doi ngher e? ”Istraightenedmyl egsandheputme
down, “whydon’ ty ouwantmeher e? ”
Me:
Noi
t’
sjustt
hatIam sur
pri
sed.
Khenan:Imanagedt
ogetthekidsoffschoolaweek
befor
eholi
days.Sowe’
ret
akingmyj ett
oJamai ca
andtheywil
lfol
lowi
nafewday sti
me.I’veal
ready
spokentoKali
sa.
Me:
Yourj
et?
Hi
m: Yourdadmadeani di
otoutofme,
soIhadt
o
dosomethingabouti
t.
Ij
ustl
aughedathi
m,whi
chwast
otal
l
yst
upi
d,“
must
Igety
ousomet
hingt
odr
ink?
”
Hi
m:Whatdoy
ouhav
e?Whi
skey
?
Me:
Comi
ngup,
Ihopey
ouar
en’
thungr
y.
Hi
m:I
’
m st
arv
ed.
Me:
wecangooutandgetsomet
hing.
Hi
m:Lat
er.

Wesatandwechat t
ed,“BabyIdi
dn’
tthinkwewoul
d
beleavi
ngsosoonforJamaicasoIdidn’tgeta
chancetoexpl
aint
oyouwhyIwant edtogo. ”
Hi
m:Andher
eIwast
hinki
ngy
oumi
ssedmymot
her
.
Irol
ledmyey es,“farfrom i
t.”Welaughedatt hat,“
So
whydoy ouwantust ogo? ”Iexplai
nedev erythi
ng
thathappenedf r
om mebei nginthelooneybi nand
Tareck,evenhowKal isawant edtokickhisbaby
brotheroutoft hehouse.Hewasshockedat
everythi
ngandcoul dn’tbel
ievethathisownmot her
andbr ot
herwoul ddot hattohim,“aft
ertelli
ngme
thi
sy oustil
lwantmet otakemychi l
drent here?
”
Me:Babyt
heyarehergrandchi
l
drenandy
oucan’
t
st
opherfr
om seei
ngthem.
Him: I
’m notr
eadyforthi
sThando,
Ican’
tIneedt
o
digestthi
sshitandthenwego.Iwi
llmur
derheri
fI
seeher.
Me:
Iunder
standbaby
.
Hepi ckedmeupandputmeonhi slap,“I
’m sor r
y
thatTareckdidthattoy oubaby ,Ihat ethatIwasnot
theretoprotectyou.Ipromi seyout hatwi l
lnev er
happenagai n.
”Ididn’tsayany t
hingIj ustkissedhi s
l
ips,“whatisthatfor?”Iletoutasi gh, “
babyIf eel
thatyourfamilyhasal otofsecr etsandIdon’ tknow
i
fitismypl acetoment i
onany thing.Ifeelthaty our
mot herandbrotherneedt ot al
kt oyou.”Thel ookon
hisfacechanged, “
Thandowhatar ey ouhidingf rom
me? ”
Me:
Baby
,Idon’
thav
efact
sher
e,i
t’
sjustt
hatKal
i
-
Him:Thando,don’
tfuckwi
thme.I
fthereis
somethi
ngthatIneedtoknowyoubesttel
lmenow.
Tear
sstar
tedrol
li
ngdownmyf ace,
andhegotev
en
moreangr
y,“dammitThando!
!”
Me: Fi
ne,remembert heti
mey oudi daDNAt estfor
Lakhiwe?Youf oundouthewasy ourson,shor
tl
y
aft
erthat,Kal
i
samadeacommentt hatsuggested
oneoft hechi
ldrenisn’
tyour
s.Ithinkmay beKhanyi
i
sTar eck’
sdaught er
.”
[
11/
23,
17:
20]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode78

Hepushedmeof fhi slapandst oodup, “getyour

bags.”Hedi all
edanumberonhi sphone, Ij
ustfroze,
“ISAIDGOGETYOURFUCKI NGBAGS! ”Istoodup
andr anupstairs;Ibroughtmybagsdownt hestairs
onebyone.Andpl acedt hem bythefrontdoor ,he
waspaci ngint heloungeandIcoul dtellhewas
tal
kingtoIce.Isatdownont hecouchagai nsti
llin
tear
s.Hef inishedhiscal landtookmybagsoutt o
thecar;hewascar ryingsomanybagsatonce.
Whenhewasdonehecamei nt
othel ounge,“come
now.”Igotupandwal kedout;helockedupand
openedt hedoorf orme.Hegoti nanddr ovetot he
airport,ther idewasqui etandIwasst i
ll sobbing,
“I’
m notmadaty oubaby ,don’tcry .
”Icoul dn’tholdit
i
n, Icriedal lt
hewayt ot heai rport.Amanhel pedus
i
nt othej etandwet ookof fwi thi
n30mi nutes.I
didn’tsi tnextt oKhenan, hel ookedangr yandIdi dn’
t
wantt oev enmakehi m anyangr i
er.AllIcoul dsee
wasf i
rei nhi seyesandhewant edt opunch
somet hi ng.Hegotupandwentt ogetabot tl
eof
whi skey ;hebr oughtgi nandpi nktonicf ormeand
mi xedi t,wi t
hblueber ri
esandl emon.It ookasi pand
placedt hegl assdown, het ookt wost r
ai ghtshots,
“comeher e.
”Ilookedathi m andr emai nedi nmy
seat ,“
Iwon’ thurtyou. ”Igotupandsatonhi slap,
“babyIl ov eyou,youshoul dhav etoldmeear li
er
aboutt his.Wear eengagedt obemar r
iedandwe
needt oshar eeverything,especi allysucht hi
ngst hat
coul dtearaf amilyapar t.Iy ouwer etryi
ngt osortit
outy ourway ,butthisisn’ty ourpr oblem. ”Inodded
myheadandhehel dmecl oset ohi sbodyandI
restedonhi schest .Heki ssedmyheadandwesat
l
iket hatf orawhi l
eunt i
lhewant edt ogetupanduse
thet oi
let .WhenhecamebackIputmyf eetonhi s
l
apandher ubbedt hem, “
whatar ey ougoi ngt odo? ”
Hi
m:I
’
m goi
ngt
oki
l
lthem bot
h.
Me:Baby,youcan’
ttakeKhany
i’
smotherawayf
rom
her
?Ay ounggir
lneedshermother
.
Him:Notamot herli
kethat,shetri
edtokidnap
Khany i
andl andedmychi l
dinhospital
.Sheisn’t
goi
ngt ogetawaywi ththiseasil
y.Khanyimaynotbe
mybi ol
ogicaldaught er
,butIloveherli
keshei sand
sheisn’tgoi
ngany where.Andhellwill
breaklose
beforesomeonet akesherfrom me.
Il
etoutasigh,Iknewany t
hingIsaidfrom t
hispoi
nt
onwardswouldjustf
allondeafear s,
“ok.”Wesati
n
si
lenceandImusthav efal
lenasleepalongtheway.

Khenanwokemeupaswewer eaboutt olandandI

wenttofr
eshenup.Wewer ef
etchedatt heair
port
anddri
venhome.Khenantookabat handhel eftme
wit
houtsayi
ngwherehewasheadi ngto.Itooka
showerandIwenttowatchTV,Keenancameoutof
hi
sroom andsatnextt
ome, “
Iseepr operfood!
”
Me:
noti
nthemood.
Hi
m:I
’
m happyy
ou’
rebackbuty
ou’
rebei
ngsor
ude.
Me:
PleaseKeenan,
notnow.
Hi
m:Whatdi
dKdot
oyou?
Me:
Not
hing.
Hi
m: Il
i
kethi
sgame.Heknowst
hatTar
eckwas
t
ryi
nggetr
idofhi
m.
Inodded,“
ohsnaptoldyouI’
m good.Sonowhe
wantstokil
lhi
m.”Inoddedagai
n,“butt
herei
smor
e,
whatisit
.”
ME: Fuckyou’r
eanuisance;
Itol
dhimther
eisa
possibi
li
tythatKhany
imightnotbehi
sdaught
er.
Hi
m:Whatt
hef
uck,
wher
edi
dyougett
hatf
rom?
ME:
Somet
hingt
hatKal
i
sasai
dtomeonce.
Hi
m:Thatwomanist
hedevil
;shi
tKhenangoi
ngt
o
goonaki
ll
ingspr
eei
fthi
sistr
ue.
Me:
Tel
lmeabouti
t.Ican’
thel
pbutf
eel
i
nggui
l
ty.
Him:Goodthi
ngyoutol
dhim,becausei
fhefound
outl
atert
hatyouknewal
lal
ong,youweregoingt
o
beonhishitl
i
st.
Hediall
edAbebi,
“baby,
pleasebri
ngaDNAt estt
o
thehouset
onight.Makethat3actual
l
y.”Hel
ooked
atmeandshrugged.

Khenanwasn’tbackst i
ll
,soIwentt opickupt he
chi
ldrenfr
om school.Start
edwi t
hKhany i
,andItook
hertothepark.Wepl ay
edwhi lewewai tedfor
Lakhi
wet ofi
nishschool.Aftergett
inghim wewent
home, Ist
art
edwithsupper .Iwaschoppi ngvege,
andLakhiwewalkedi n,
“Thando…”Il ookedup,
“hm…”
Hi
m:Ineedhel
pwi
thsomet
hing.
Hel ookeddownwi t
hal i
tt
leembarr
assment ,l
ike
fatherli
keson.Idon’
trememberhim askingforhel
p
orev enadmitt
inghedoesn’tknowsomet hi
ng.Itwas
funnybutIcouldn’
tlaugh,“
Whatisithoney?”
Hi
m:Mat
h.

Whatwast
hisboydoi
ngt
ome?Hehadt
opi
ckt
o
st
ruggl
ewi
thmat
h?
Me:
Ok,
gety
ourbooksandwe’
l
ltakeal
ook.
Hi
m:Ok
Hecamebackwit
hhisbooksandsatont
hebar
st
ool
,“sowher
earey
oustuck?”
Hi
m: Fr
act
ions,
thet
eachert
ri
edt
oexpl
ainbutI
wasn’
tget
tingi
t.
Me:
Whydi
dn’
tyouaskhert
oexpl
ainagai
n?
Hi
m:Idon’
twantt
oseem st
upi
dinf
rontofLondi
.
Me: Soyoul
ikeher
?Actual
l
yyouknowwhat,
we’l
l
discusst
hatwhenwe’
redone.Sowhat
’st
hefi
rst
sum?
Hi
m:¼+3/
6
Me:OkIremembert
his.Youhavet
ofi
rstmakey our
twobott
omsequali
norderfory
outoevenbegi
nt he
sum,soyouhav
etofindacommondenomi nat
or.
Hi
m:What
’st
hat
?
Me:anumberthatbot
hyourbott
om numberscan
goi
nto.I
’
llmakethi
soneeasyforyou,andt
henyou
fi
gureouttherest
.Forexample4and6bot hgointo
12,24etc.i
t’
salwaysbesttochoi
cet hesmal
lest
commondomi nat
or,sol
etstake12.Let’
snowdeal
wit
ht he¼…..

Iexpl
ainedthewholeprocesstohim hel
pingwith
thefi
rst3sums.Aftert
hatIlefthi
mt owor konhis
ownwhi l
eImadesupper .Khanyiwal
kedint ot
he
kit
chen,“mommy ?
”
Me:
Yesbaby
,what
’sup?
Her
:I’
m bor
edsoIwantt
okeepy
oucompany
.
Me:Wel
lnotnowdear
,I’
m hel
pingLakhi
wewi
thhi
s
homewor
k.
Her
:I’
l
lbequi
et.
Me:Nooffensebaby,youwouldn’
tknowwhatqui
et
i
sev eni
fitbity
ouony ourcut
elit
tl
etush!
!Come,
I’
ll
putoncartoonsfory
ou.

Il
edhertotheloungeandthankGod,t
herewasa
doubl
eepisodeofWinx.Shesatonthecouch;
I
pour
edherj
uiceinasi
ppycup,andchoppedup
someappl
eslicesf
orher
,“t
hankyoumommy .
”

Backintheki
tchenLakhiwewasdone,Icheckedand
ever
ythi
ngwascor r
ect.Itaughthi
m at
ri
ckjustt
o
i
mpresst het
eacherandLondi .
Lakhi
we:
you’
renothal
fbad.
Me:
Iknow,
ha.
Lakhi
we:
Don’
tgetabi
gheadnow!
Me:
Whydi
dn’
tyoul
i
kemeany
way
?

Hel ookeddown, “don’tanswerthat.Tel

lmeabout
Londi i
nstead,she’scute.
”Asmi lecreptov
erhi
s
face,“sheiscoolandev eryt
hing,butshewoul
dn’t
wantaguyl i
keme. ”
ME:
Whyi
sthat
?
Lakhi
we: I
’m aner
d,andIplayt
hecell
o.Shewant
s
thesoccerplay
ersandthecoolguy
s.
Me:
Didshet
ell
yout
hat
?
Hi
m:No,
butIcant
ell
.
Me: Letmetellyouasecr et,gonearetheday s
wher ewomenwantt hecool ki
ds.Awomant hinks
aboutthefuture,shewant samanwhowi lltakecar e
ofherwhenshe’ solder.Youknowst ablejob, great
fatherandalit
tleromantic.Buttheboywhor uns
aroundbeati
ngev er
yoneupandmaki ngfunof
people,sonoton.Nobodywant saclown.
Hi
m:I
fyousayso.
Me:
asky
ourf
athert
hat
.
Hi
m:ButDadsay
sheusedt
obet
hecl
asscl
own.
Me:
andhowwel
ldi
dthatwor
koutf
orhi
m?

Webot hlaughed,hecamearoundandhuggedme
aroundthewaist,
“ t
hanksThando.
”Iki
ssedhi
shead,
“pl
easure.
”
Him:Reall
yThando?Youneedt
ost
opdoi
ngt
hat
,
l
ikeser
iously
!
Het ookhi sbooksandl eft,andi twasasi fKhany i
waswai ti
ngar oundt hecor nerf orhimt ol eave
becauseshewal kedi n,“canIhav emyt i
menow? ”
Sher ol
ledherey es, “
yesmi ssy .”Iputheront he
count erandwespokewhi l
eIf i
nishedwi thsupper
andIdi shedup.I twasj ustmeandt heki ds, weat e
andIgav eKhany iabat h.Itriedt ocal lKhenanbuthe
didn’ tpi ckup, It ri
edagai nandi twentst r aightt o
voicemai l
.Khany i wassl eepi ngont hecouchnextt o
meassher efusedf ormet ot akehert obed.Iwas
wat chi ngKeepi ngupwi tht heKar dashian’ s,this
showi ssuchbul lshitIthoughtasIt ookasi pofmy
wine.I twasf unnyashel lthough.Mymi ndqui ckly
shift edt oothert hings, IwonderwhatKhenanwas
doing, andIcoul dn’texact l
ycal lIcetof i
ndout
becauseIwasnol ongert heirboss.Iact ual l
yki ndof
mi ssedi t,i
twassoexci t
ingandnowI ’m backt o
plainbor i
ngJane.Ineedachal lenge, somet hingt o
keepmebusy .Yeaht heki dskeepmebusy ,butIf eel
l
ikeast ayathomemom, ohhel l no!
!Ican’ t
,no
act ual l
yIwon’ t!!Iwentt other oom andf et chedmy
l
apt opandl ookedf orawr it
ingpad, Ifoundt he
casi nocont ractandf l
ightt i
cket si nthedr awer .I
tookitoutal ongwi t
ht hewr i
tingpadandwal kedto
thelounge.Khenan’ sloungewasn’ tlikemi ne; his
hadamor econtempor aryfeel toit.Icoul dn’twor k
onthef loor,soIsatont hecouch; Iknewnot hi ng
aboutt hecasinobusi ness.SoIf i
rstlyreadupas
muchasIcoul donitbutdi dn’tgett hatmuch
i
nformat i
on.Ireadthrought hedeal andt he
hotel/
casi noresortsti
llhad3y ear
spl usbef or eit
wasgoi ngtoopeni tsdoors.Ihadpl entyoft ime.I
setthatasi de,andbrowsedt henetandt riedKhenan
again.Iwasnowget ti
ngwor rieditwasaf tert en.I
call
edKeenan, andheanswer edinasl eepyv oice
andIt ookmyangeroutonhi m, “whydi dn’tyoucal l
totellmey ouaren’
tcomi nghomet onight? ”
Hi
m:ThandoI
’
minmyr
oom.
Me:
whydi
dn’
tyouhav
edi
nnerwi
thust
hen?
Hi
m:areyoureal
l
ycal
l
ingmeaboutsupperatt
his
t
imeoftheni
ght.
Me:
Idon’
tknowwher
eKhenani
s.
Hi
m:I
’
llber
ightt
her
e.
Hecameintothel
oungeandshookhisheadatme,
“
real
l
y,you’
reworr
iedaboutKhenan?Howmany
t
imeshashenotsleptathome?”
Me:
It’
sdi
ff
erentt
hough,
hewi
l
lmur
dert
hem.
Hi
m:Hewil
lnotdoany
thi
ngst
upi
dunt
ilheget
sthe
DNAt
estdone.
Me:Ij
ustcan’
thel
pfeel
i
nggui
l
tyaboutt
hiswhol
e
t
hing.
Him:Stopbl
amingy
oursel
fandgetsomerest
,the
chi
ldr
enneedyouwhil
ethei
rfat
heri
soutofit
.
Me:
Alr
ight
.
Hi
m:I
’
llt
ryt
ell
i
nghi
mtocomehome.
Me:
Thanks,
goodni
ght
.
Hi
m:Ni
ght
.
[
11/
23,
17:
20]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode79

Ifeltbett
eraft
ertalki
ngtoKeenan;Icarr
iedKhanyi
toherr oom.Idon’tevenrememberwhenl astshe
sleptonherown, butIneededtoni
ght.Iwenttoour
bedroom, i
twasl ateandKhenanstil
lwasn’tback,I
wasn’tworriedbecauseKeenansaidhewoul dn’tdo
anythingwithouttheDNAt est
.Isoakedinthebath
for30mi nutes,j
ustenjoy
ingthewarm waterand
bubbles.Ifeltr
elaxandIgotint
omypy jamasand
slept.

Iwokeupi nt hemor ningwi thKhenan’sarm ar ound

me; Idon’tev enknowwhatt imehegoti n,whi ch
meansi twaspr ettyl ate.Igotoutofbed, brushed
myt eeth,gotKhany i andt ookabat hwithher .I
wasn’tgoi ngt ositar oundt odaywor ry
ingabout
Khenanki lli
nghi sbr otherorhi sexwi f
e,Ineedt o
keepbusy .Seei ngt hatt hehot el
/casi
nobusi ness
wasi nyear stocomeIneededt odosomet hi
ng.I
putonapai rofbl ackt hi ckleggingsawhi teshi rt
buttonedal lthewayupandputabl ackroundneck
knit
tedjerseyov er,IputKhany ii
nheruni f
orm.
Theseschool sthough, shei sinGradeRbutshe
dresseslikeshei sinpr operschool .Todaywaschi l
ly,
thi
sweat hert hough.Idi dn’twantherget t
ingsi ckso
Iputthickst ockingsunderherski r
tandal ongv est
wi
thaj
ersey
…

Iwentdownst
air
sinmysli
ppersandmadecereal
for
theki
dsandabananashakeformysel
f,“
Ma?”
Me:
Yeah.
Lakhi
we:Canwest
ayi
ndoor
stoday
,If
eel
acol
d
comingon.
Me:Putsomet
hingonundery
ourshi
rtandgr
aby
our
bl
azer
.
Hi
m:Ihear
dont
henewst
hati
tmi
ghtsnow.
Me:I’
m gl
adbei ngi
nLondonhel pedyoupr
epar
efor
day
slikethese.Nowgobrushy ourteet
handget
warm bef
oreIwakey ourf
atherup.
Hi
m:He’
l
lpr
obabl
yagr
eewi
thme.
“Agr eewithwhat?”Khenansaidwalkingintothe
kitchen,hekissedmyf or
eheadandr ubbed
Lakhi we’sheadbeforepi
ckinguphisprincessand
kissingherat housandti
mes, “
sowillanyonetel
lme
whaty ouwereallgossi
pingaboutme? ”
Me:Gossi
pplease,
y oursonsay
stheyshoul
dst
ayat
homebecauseitmightsnowtoday
.
Khenanl
ookedoutt
hewi
ndow,
“hehasapoi
nt,
it’
s
ki
ndofchi
ll
y.”
Lakhi
we:
Itol
dyou,
I’
ll
bei
nmyr
oom i
fyouneedme.

Il
ookedatKhenanandt hreat
enedtosli
thisthr
oat
,
andheshrugged.Ipoint
edatLakhiwebeforehe
di
sappear
,“Yobuddygetbackher e.
”Lakhiwe
peepedi
ntothekitchen,
“Yeah?”
Khenan:
Brushyourt
eethandgrabanext
raj
ersey
,
Thandoisdr
ivi
ngyoutoschool
.
Lakhi
we:Real
l
ydad?You’
resuchaweakl
i
ng…Ican’
t
bel
iev
eyoutookpar
tinmaki
ngme.
HestormedoffandIlaughed,“
Serv
esyouright
.
Nextti
meI’
llchopof
fy ourhead.
”Helookedatme
andbackatKhanyi
,“wouldyoureal
lyal
lowhertodo
thatt
ome?”
Khany
i:I
fshehadgoodr
eason.
Khenan:
Wow,
eveny
ou?Ev
ery
onehat
esmei
nthi
s
house.

HeputKhany idowndr amati

call
yandst ormedout,
l
eav i
ngKhany irol
li
nghereyes.Il
eftherfi
nishi
ngher
breakfastandheadedupstair
s,Icompletedmyoutfi
t
withabl ackt
highhighbootheelsandabl ack
panoramahat .Igotmyhandbagandpackedmy
l
aptop, “
wherear eyouofft
olookingsosexy ?”
Me:
Todr
opt
heki
dsof
f.Andwi
l
lgopasst
heof
fi
ce.
Hi
m:Thosefat
her
sbet
ternotbet
ryi
ngt
hei
rluck
wi
thwhati
smine!
Me:
Mxm,
what
,youwantt
odr
ivet
heki
ds?
Hi
m:No,
itwasj
ustaj
oke,
whysoser
ious?

Igrabbedmyst uffandlefthimi nbedt otakethe

ki
dst oschool,aft
erdroppingthem of fIheadedto
myof fi
ce,Ihadn’
tbeenher einages.Nont osmil
ed
whenIwal kedinandshegotupf rom herchair
,
“MissKhumal o,i
t’
sbeenawhi le.”Igaveherahug,
“i
thasindeed, howhasev er
ythingbeengoi ng?”
Her:
Great
,themanagery
oul ef
tuswithi
stot
all
y
awesomeandhegetsthejobdone.Andi
thel
pst hat
he’
shot.
Me:I’
m gladthatThamii
sdoingagreatjob.Inev
er
doubtedhim.I’
ll
beinmyoffi
ce,I
’
llsendanemai lt
o
al
ertanyoneI’
m aroundi
fanyofthem needme.
Her
:CanIgety
oucof
fee?
Me:
Nope,
Ihav
emyshakeher
e.
Her
:We’
reor
der
ingf
rom Dol
ce.
Me:Whyar eyoudoingthistome?Makesur ethere
areLi
ndtbrowni
es,andlemonmer i
ngues,
and…who
am Itr
yingt
ofool
?Makesur ether
eiseveryt
hing
andtel
lmewheni tarr
ives,andI’
m buyi
ng!

Shelaughedandsal ut
edme, Iwentintomyoffi
ce
andIdrankmyshake.Theonl yr
easonIdidthatwas
toeasymyconsci ence,becauseI ’
dbestuff
ingmy
facewit
hal lt
hosetreats.Iunpackedandgotto
workandr eadoversomer eport
s,Iopenedmy
l
aptopandmyscr eensaverwasMbal i
andMduon
theirweddi
ngday.Iopenedupthei
rfol
derandwent
throughthepi
ctur
es,Ismil
edtomyselft
hrough
hundredsofpi
cturesandthenmyphonerang,“hey
you.”
Hi
m:Nobr
eakf
ast
?
ME:
Sor
ryhadt
orusht
heki
dst
oschool
.
Him:Youdon’
tloveme!Igotyourf
iancéhomef
or
youandthi
sisthethanksIget
?
Me:Ha,I
’
llmakeitupt
oyouIpr
omi
se.Whatdoy
ou
wantf
orsupper
?
Him:Beefwel
l
ingtonandlambshanks.Andt
hat
saff
ronmashpotatothi
ngy.
Me:
Isy
ourbr
otherawakey
et?
Hi
m:I
sthatay
est
osupper
.
Me:
woahy
adi
kasana!
!Fi
neI
’
llmakesupperf
ory
ou.
Him:Nopehaven’
tseenhi
myet
,I’
l
lcheckonhi
m
andgetbackt
oy ou.
Me:Nodon’
tI’
m headi
ngi
ntoameet
ingwi
l
lseehi
m
l
ater
.(Il
i
ed)
Hi
m:Cool
…

Hecutthecal landgotbackt olooki

ngatMbal i
’s
weddingpi cturestakeninmybacky ard.Andthey
gavemeani dea,ohmygoshmeandt heseideas
thatar
ej ustlargerthanli
fe.Iwentontothenetand
l
ookedf orv acantland,huge.Andnothing,
soIcalled
mygot oguy ,“babygir
l.
”
Me:
Hel
l
odaddy
,how’
smyf
avour
it
eper
son?
Hi
m:Whatdoy
ouwant
?
Me:
I’
m hur
t.
Hi
m:BabyI
’
m goi
ngi
ntoameet
ing,
spi
titout
.
ME:
Comeov
erf
orsuppert
oni
ght
.Youandmom.
Him:Al
ri
ght
,sendyourmot
hert
het
imes.I
’
m
swit
chi
ngoffmyphone.
Me:
Ok,
Ilov
eyou.

Hejustcutt
hecall
,thatdi
dn’
twor
k.Il
ostmyspark.
Nontohadlef
tthetr
eatsonmytablewhi
leIwason
t
hephonewit
hdad.It
ookabit
eofthebr
owni
eand
myphoner
ang.“
Youhavegottobeki
ddi
ngme?”
Khenan:
Whatwast
hat
?Ar
eyoueat
ing?
ME:
hhmm,
yeah.
Hi
m:Swal
l
owI
’
llwai
t.
Me:
(secondsl
ater
)Hi
.
Hi
m:Youdi
dn’
tmakebr
eakf
ast
?
Me:
Hadt
orusht
heki
dst
oschool
,Iwasl
ate.
Hi
m:Ar
eyoumadatme?
ME:
Shoul
dIbe?
Hi
m:ThandoI
’
m sor
ryok?
Me:
Ok.
Hi
m:CanIt
akey
ououtf
orsuppert
oni
ght
?
Me:No,mypar
entsar
ejoi
ningusf
orsupper
,andI
wantt
ocall
Zenonovert
oo.
Hi
m:Ar
eyousur
e?
Me:
Yeah,
thi
sisaboutme,
theywi
l
lhav
etoputt
hei
r
f
eel
i
ngsasi
de.
Hi
m:CanIbr
ingy
oul
uncht
hen?
Me:
Nope,
I’
m headi
nghomenow.Wor
rynot
.
Hi
m:If
eel
you’
reangr
ywi
thmebaby
.
Me:
Don’
tbesi
l
ly.Li
sten,
I’
ll
seey
oul
ater
.

Icutthecall bef
orehecoul dsayanythi
ngelse.I
workedonami nipresent
ati
onformyf ather
’sand
thenheadedt otheshops.Igotal
ltheingredientsfor
toni
ght ’
sdinnerandwenthomet ostartcooking.
JustasIst eppedoutoft hecarKhenancame
walkingswi ft
lytothecarholdi
ngaglassof
champagne.Icl osedt hedoorandheputhi sar m
aroundme, andkissedmyl i
pshandingmet heglass,
“what’sthi
s? ”
Him:Can’
tamanshowhi
sfi
ancét
hathel
ovesand
appr
eciat
esher
?
Me:
You’
rebei
ngwei
rd.
Hi
m:Goi
nsi
deI
’
llunpack.
Heunpackedt hecarandIst ar
tedonsupper ,
he
helpedmechopt hev egetables,whichwaswei r
d.
Yeshecancookupast orm, butonlywhenhei s
maki ngupforsomet hingoraf terIbeghi m ami l
l
ion
ti
mes.It ookashowerandchangedi nt
osomet hi
ng
comf ort
ableandmypar ent
sar r
ived, wehadsupper
andt al
kedabitbeforeIaskedev eryonetothe
l
oungeandIdi dmypr esentati
on, i
twasdi r
ectedto
ZenonandDumi sani.Mymom wassoexci ted,at
theendofmypr esentationshecl appedandsodi d
Khenan, hewasjustsucki ngup.
Zee:
Soy
ouwantust
osponsort
hispr
oject
?
Me:
That
’sr
ight
.
Dumi
Ihear
dyoument
ion18mi
l
li
on?
ME:
Idi
d.
Zee:
Soi
sthat9mi
lperper
son.
Me:
Ilov
ehowy
ouguy
sgett
his.
Keenan:Whathappenedt othefundsyourfatherlef
t
foryou?Ifmycalcul
ati
onsar ecorr
ect,
whicht hey
are,
y ou’
reabi
ll
ionai
re.Oh,anothercor
rect
ion, mult
i
bi
l
li
onai
re.
Me:
Whyar
eyouev
enher
e?
Keenan:
Ha,
mybad.

Hegotupandleftt
heroom,Dumi sanistar
ted,“
baby
gi
rl
…”l
uckil
ymyphoner ang,
“Ihavetot akethi
s,I
’l
l
l
eaveyouguystothi
nkanddiscuss.”
IrushedoutandansweredthenumberIdidn’
t
recogni
se,“
Nothandohell
o…(si
lence)
..
..Hel
l
loooo?
”
Voi
ce:
Thandopl
ease,
Ineedy
ourhel
p.Khenan…
he…
Me:
What
?Whoi
sthi
s?
Voi
ce:
pleasehel
pmeThando.
Me:
Khensani
?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Don'
tfor
gett
oli
ke,
commentandshar
e.
Guyssomepeopl
eareliki
ngthpostsbuthav
en'
t
l
ikedorf
oll
owedthepage.Pleasel
i
kethepaget
oo.
..
t
hoseIpickuposendinvi
testo.
Pl
easedoubl
echecki
fyou'
vel
i
kedt
hepage.

HappySat
urday
!!
!
[
11/
23,
17:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode80

Dedi
cat
edt
o(GoodnessMsi
mango)
Thanky
ouf
ort
hel
i
kes!
!

Thephonecut,It
riedthenumberagai
nanditdi
dn’
t
gothr
ough.Iputmyphonei nmypocketandtur
ned
towal
kbackinside.Igotthebi
ggestf
ri
ghtofmyli
fe,
“
KHENAN?
!?”

Shit
,If
rozeinmytracks.Ifeltal
it
tl
eshaky ;
Ihadn’t
evendoneanythi
ngwr ong,“goodone,
‘phonecal l
’
youcan’
tfoolmethough.”Iletoutasi
ghofr elief
;he
pull
edmeclosertohim andpeckedmyl ips,“baby
whydidn’
tyoutel
lmey ouneededmoney ?”
ME:
BecauseIdon’
tneedmoney
.
Hi
m:Thenwhati
sthi
sal
labout
?
Me: Ij
ustdidn’
twanttousemyown, andtheyowe
mebi gti
me.IknowIcan’tfi
ndt hespaceI’
ml ooki
ng
foronmyown, wi
thDumi hewillmakeithappen.
Plustheyaregett
ingol
dandt heyhaveashi tl
oadof
moneysi t
ti
ngarounddoingnothing.
Him:Youhaveashi
tloadofmoneysi
tt
ingar
ound
doi
ngnothi
ng.
Me:
Nobaby
,it
’sgr
owi
ng.
Hi
m:Forwhat
?
Me:
Formychi
l
dren.
Hi
m: Speaki
ngofwhi
ch,
can’
twai
tti
l
lyourf
ami
l
y
l
eaves.Thenwecangomakeone(
wink)
Me:
ourf
ami
l
ymember
s.
Him;samedi
ff
erence.
..
.butWe'
remaki
ngababy
r
ight
?
Me:No,Ihavealotonmypl
ate;
don’
thav
eti
mef
ora
babyr
ightnow.
Hi
m:Don’
ttel
lmey
ou’
rebackont
hei
nject
ion.

Inodded,butIthoughtt omy selft

hatIdidn’
teven
thi
ngaboutt heinjecti
onafterthebaby,somuch
wasgoi ngonwi thKhenani nthehospital
,andthe
gang.Ihadnot ime, andeversinceKhenangotout
ofthehospitalwehav ebeenhav i
ngunprotect
edsex.
Iquickl
ysnappedoutofi twhenIheardKhenan
speaking,“
baby,It hi
nkweneedt otal
kaboutthis.
”
Me:Nobaby,i
t’
sstil
ltoosoon.I
’m nothav
ingany
conv
ersat
ionoranybabyanyti
mesoon.

Lucki
l
ymom i
nter
rupt
edus,
Khenanl
etgoofme,
shei ndicat
edshewant st ospeaktomeal oneand
Khenanl ef
tus.Shelookedatmeandsmi l
ed,“
your
father,orshouldIsayfathersaresweatingbul
letsin
there.Iforonelikewhaty oudidther
e.”Shegav eme
ahi ghfive,“
Dumi issostingywithmoney ,I
’
mlimited
toonl ytwopairsofshoesamont h..
.li
kewholives
l
iket hat?”
Ido,
Ithoughtt
omy
sel
f.
Me:
Whatdoy
ouneedmor
ethant
wopai
rsany
way
s?
Mom:Whydoy
ouneedhundr
edsoft
hesamebl
ack
l
eggi
ngs?
Me:
It’
sdi
ff
erent
!
Mom:Ha,isi
treal
ly
?Stopj
udgi
ngmeorel
seI
’
llt
ell
t
hem nott
ogiveyouacent
.
Me:Youwoul
dn’
t,
I’
ll
creat
eashoepr
esent
ati
onf
or
you!
Wet al
kedandlaughedforabi
tunti
lKeenancameto
cal
lmei n,
“you’
resti
ll
here?
”Iaskedhi
m play
ful
ly
,
rol
l
ingmyey es.
Hepunchedmycheekpl ayful
lyandputhisar m
aroundmeaswewal kedinside.Isatdown; Iwanted
tolaughbecauseIknowmyf ather’
sdon’tl
ike
spendingmoney .Nobodyspoke, Zenonhandedme
acheque, 9bigones.Ihuggedhi m.Dumi j
ustsaid
we’llmeetupt omor
row, Iknewexact lywhatthat
meant !Jackpot!
Weal l hungoutf oral i
tt
lebitl
ongerandthen
everyonel eft
.Icleanedupandt henwentupstai
rs
wher eKhenanwasi nbedr eadi
ngGQ, Khenan
doesn’tr eadany t
hingbutf i
gures.Il
aughedalit
tl
eto
my selfandIj ustignoredhim.Itookaquickshower
andIappl i
edmyl oti
onandwor emynighti
eandgot
i
ntobed, “baby,whatar eyoudoi ng?
”
Hi
m:Readi
ng.
Me:
Whyar
eyour
eadi
ng?
Hi
m:Whatki
ndofaquest
ioni
sthat
?
Me:Maybei
fitwasanewspaperI
’
dunder
stand,
magazi
ne?What’
sgoi
ngon?
Hi
m:Theywantmet
odoacov
er.
Me:
WHAT?You,
onGQ.
Henodded;
Iwasexci
tedf
orhi
m,“
ont
hehot
els?
”

Wespentt heni ghttal

kingaboutt hecov erandabout
havingababy ,wedeci dedIwoul dgoont hepi llfor
thenexty earandt henwe’ lltr
yf orababy .Weshook
onit.Wewentt obed, Iwasupsuperear lythenext
mor ni
ngandKhenanwasst il
lasleep.Iwasbor ed,I
l
ookedathi m, Iopenedhi slefteyelidandhedi dn’ t
evenmov e.Igav ehim awetwi ll
ieandst illnot hing,I
wentt ogopee.Icamebackandhewasi na
diff
erentposition,Icrawledont hebedandsaton
topofhi m andki ssedhi sl
ips.Hewasawakebut
i
gnor i
ngme; Ikissedhi sneckandseduct ivelybi this
ear.Ifelthi
m har denunderme, buthest il
ldi dn’t
mov eani nch.SoIpul ledhi sdickf r
om hi spant s,
andposi ti
onedmy selfonhi sshaf tandIr ubbedmy
cli
tbackandf orthont helengthofhi sshaf t.WhenI
waswetenoughIsl i
ppedhi mi nsideme, Ihear dhi m
moanabi tthroughhi sclosedmout h.Hest illhadhi s
eyescl osed;Istartedmov ingmywai stslowl y
feeli
nghi m onmyg- spot.Ipickedupmypaceand
hesti
llwasn’tmovi
ng,
ittookmelessthan3
minutestoreachmyorgasm andi
nthatti
me,
Khenanhadn’ tmov
e.
Aftermyf i
rstor gasm, Itight enedmewal lsar ound
hismanhoodandt henloosened, thent ightened
againthat ’
swhenhecoul dn’ ttakeitany mor e.He
openedhi sey esandgav emeanaught ysmi le;Igot
ontomyf eetandl eanedbackwi t
hmyhandshol ding
ontohisl egs.Hehadhi shandsonmyass, hewas
control
lingt hepacesl ammi ngi ntomehar d.Igot
backonmykneesandt hr ust2mor et imes, bef or eI
roll
edof fhim andwenti ntot hebathroom.Il ocked
thedoorandt ookashower .Iheardhi m knocki ngon
thedoorshout i
ngf ormet oopen.Ii gnor edhi m and
washedmyhai r,Icamei nt ot hebedr oom andhe
wasbacki nbed, Itri
edsohar dtokeepast raight
face,“you’rethedev il
’
swi fe!”Icouldn’thol di nt he
l
augh, Ijustcr acked!Iwenti ntothecl osett opi ck
outsomet hingt owear .Igotakni t
tedj erseyl ike
dress,wi t
hbl ackst ockingsandanankl eboot .Itied
mywethai rinabunandwentbacki nt othe
bedroom.Khenanwassi ttingont heedgeoft hebed,
“
youl
ooksobeaut
if
ulbaby
.”
Me:
I’
m babynow?
Hi
m:You’
veal
way
sbeenandwi
l
lbef
orev
er.
Me:
IthoughtIwasmar
ri
edt
othedev
il
.
Hi
m:Nev
er,
comeher
e.

Iwal
kedtohi
m andstoodbet
weenhislegs,
“baby
pl
ease,
I’
ll
bequick…j
ustoneminut
e.”
Me: NopeIhav
etogoseeDumi
sani
,andI
’
mtaki
ng
yourcar.
Him:Baby,Iwi
l
lcal
lapr
ost
it
utet
ocomef
ini
shwhat
youstar
ted.
Me:Makesureyoubrushyourt
eet
hfirst
;Idon’
t
t
hinkshecanhandl
ethatmorni
ngbreath.

Hespankedmyassandt hrewmeont hebedwhi l

e
kissi
ngmeal lov
er;wewer el
iplockedashet r
iedto
gethishandsinmystockings.Imanagedt ogetfr
ee,
“getthechi
ldr
enreadyf
orschool ,I
’m out
!”
Ilef
ttogomeetwi t
hDumi sanii
nPhiladel
phia,I
fi
nall
yar r
ivedandwasatahugef ar
m.Iknewi t
!
Dumi saniwassopr edi
ctable…Iknewhewoul dgive
mewhatIwant ed.Igotintohiscarandgav ehima
hug,wedr oveint
ot hepropertyandheshowedme
around!Thiswasexact l
ywhatIwasl ooki
ngf or,
“so?”Ilookedathim,“Il
ovei tdaddy.
”
Him:Gr
eat
,it
’swor
th9.
8youknowwhatt
hatmeans
r
ight
?
Me:
Daddy
?(Isai
dthatsul
ki
ng)
Hi
m:Youonl
yneeded9mi
lfr
om me.
Me:
NowIowey
ou800k

Henodded, t
hisbastar
d!ShitIwasoutplayedatmy
owngame, “I
’l
lgetmyat t
orneytotransf
erthe
proper
tyint
oy ournameonceI ’
vereceiv
edthe
funds.
”Hestoppedbymycar ,“
arey oubei
ngseri
ous
daddy?”
Hi
m:Yi
p,nowhur
ryup.Ihav
eameet
ingt
ogot
o.
Hepout edhi slips, Iwassopi ssedof f.Ipecked
them realquickandexi t
edt hecarashi sphoner ang.
IgotintoKhenan’ sSUVandl ookedathi m; hewas
smili
ngandl aughi ngont hephone.Ij ustst artedmy
caranddr oveof ftoseeMbal i.Ididn’tbr inganyt hi
ng
thi
st i
me; itwasst i
lltooear l
yf orshoppi ng.“ Hell
o
mummy .
”Shet ur nedar oundwi t
hacr yingbabyi n
herar ms;shel ookedl i
keahotmess.Shedi dn’tsay
anything;Iwalkedupt oherandt ookt hebabyf rom
her.“Youneedt or esthoney ,gobat handt akey our
ti
me. ”Shewashesi t
anttill
Ipushedheroutoft he
l
ounge.Shewal kedupst air
sandIwenti ntothe
kit
chen, “
youbeenkeepi ngmommyuphav en’tyou?
Sheneedst orest ,soy ou’respendi ngt hedaywi th
me.”
Thekitchenwasf i
lt
hyandsowast hewhol e
downst ai
rs.Iwalkedbacki nt
ot heloungeand
placedNtsikainhisbabybedandsear chedf orhi
s
bottl
eandt henfedhi m.Hewasn’ tfeelingitsoI
stopped;Imov edhistinybedt othekitchensoIcan
keepaney eonhim.Icl eanedupt hekitchenand
madebr eakf astf orMbal i,greasy .Itooki tupt oher,
shewasasl eept hankGod.It ookt het rayandput
thefoodi nt hewar mer,Icleanedupt her estofthe
house.Nt sikawasupnowandIwar meduphi s
mom’ sbreastmi lk,fedhi m andbur pedhi m.He
didn’
tcr ynotonce, hesmel tsodi v i
nebutnotwhen
hedidt henast yinhi snappy ,fuckt hisbabysmel ls
rott
en.Howt hehel ldoesMbal idot hi
s?It ookhi mto
thenur seryandf rozeatt hedoor ,myf acegothot
andt earst hr eatenedmyey es.Ist oodt herefora
whilet r
yingt ocal m my selfdown, andkeepmy
emot ionsi ncheck.Icomposedmy selfafterhe
pull
edmyhai randchangedhi snappy ,thenwent
backdownst airs.Igott hecarseatandpr am f r
om
Mbal i
’scarandpl acedi tinmi ne,Ipackedhi sbag
andbuckl edhi m upandwedr oveof f.Wewentt o
buysomest ufff orMbal i
;shehadn’ tdoneany
shoppi ngi nawhi le.ThenIpi ckedupl unchf or
Khenan, andheadedt ohi m.IgotNt si
kaoutt hecar
andKhenan’ sl unchandweheadedupt ohisof f
ice.
Mar t
hawasatt hef rontdeskandshegr eetedme,
shewassuchasweet hear t,“andwhoi sthislit
tl
e
cutey? ”
Me:
Mygodson,
he’
stoopr
eci
ousi
sn’
the?
Her
:Hel
l
,he’
sgoi
ngt
obeahear
tbr
eaker
.
Me:Li
stenIcan’
tst
ayl
ong,
justbr
ingi
ngt
heboss
l
unch,
ishein.
Her
:Yeahsur
e,t
ell
himI
’
llhol
dhi
scal
l
s.
Ismil
edandwalkedaway,
Iopenedthedoorandhe
l
ookedshocked,“
rel
ax,
Idi
dn’
tsteal
thebaby.”
Hepret
endedt
owi
pet
hesweatof
fhi
sfor
ehead,
“
phew.”
Me:You’
reful
lofshi
t.Thi
siswhatIgetf
orbr
ingi
ng
youl
unch.
Him:Ifthi
sisy
ourapol
ogyf
ort
hismor
ning,
Idon’
t
accept.
Me:
I’
m notapol
ogi
singf
orshi
t.
Hi
m:Mxm,
bri
ngt
hatcut
enessov
erher
e.

Igav ehi
m Ntsikawehadl unchandtal
kedabi
t,hi
s
wor kschedulewasgoingtobehecticandhewas
goingtohav etotr
avel
f orthenextcoupl
eof
months.Myphoner
angi
nter
rupt
ingus,
“Hey
,you’
re
aw-
”
Mbal
i
:WHERETHEFUCKI
SMYBABYTHANDO.
Me:
Ihav
ehi
m,we’
rea-
Mbal
i
:BRI
NGMYBABYBACK!
!!
[
11/
23,
17:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode81

Shecutthecall
andthet earsj
ustfel
lfr
om myface,
“babywhat’
swrong?”Ijustsobbed,andfi
nal
l
y
answered,
“Ihavetotakethebabyback.”Hegotup
andhuggedme, “sowhyar eyoucryi
ng?”
Me:
Justl
etmet
akehi
m back!
Hi
m:y
ou’
renotdr
ivi
ngi
nthi
sst
ate,
I’
ll
takey
ou.

Wedr ovetoMbali,andbef
oreweev engoti
ntothe
dri
vewayshewasal r
eadyrunni
ngtowardst
hecar
try
ingtoopenthecardoor.Khenanparkedand
unlockedthedoors;Mbal
igrabbedherson,
“What
thehell,
wheredidyoutakehim?”Khenantr
iedt
o
holdandcal m herdown; Mducameoutt hehouse
whileIjustsati nt hepassengerseat ,
“stayaway
from mybaby .”Shescr eamedasshewal kedi nt
o
thehouse, KhenanandMduwer eoutsidet al
kingand
unloadingt hegr oceri
esandt hebabythings.Iheard
Mdut el
lKhenant oapol ogiset ome.Idi dn’tneedan
apology ;
mybestf ri
enddoesn’ ttr
ustmewi thher
baby .Istartedcr yi
ngagai nandKhenangoti ntothe
carandki ssedmyf orehead, “
youwantt ogohome
baby ?”Inoddedandwedr ov ehome.Ont hewayhe
dial
ledhisof f
ice,Mar thapi ckedupwi t
ht he
companycal l
gr eeti
ng, “sof ormal
?”
Mar
tha:
Sor
rySi
rdi
dn’
tknowi
twasy
ou.
Khenan:Justki
ddi
ng,l
i
stenher
eIwon’
tbecomi
ng
backint
otheoffi
ce.
Martha:
Nopr obl
em sir,
shoul
dIf
orwar
danyur
gent
cal
l
st oyourpri
vat
eline?
Khenan:Nope,
I’
ll
getbackt
othem t
omor
row.My
fi
ancéneedsme.
Mar
tha:
Nopr
obl
em boss,
I’
ll
seey
out
omor
row.
Keenant
ookt
heki
dsoutf
orsupper
,andKhenan
stayedhomewi thme.Hemadeal lmyf avouri
te
greasymeals,j
unkf oodandwhi le.Wespentt he
nightonthefl
oorint hebedroom wat chingchi
ck
fl
icksandstuf
fingourf aces.Khenanr eall
yknows
howt omakemef eel bet
ter,
andaf t
erwhatMbal idi
d
today,t
hisi
sexactlywhatIneeded.

Ihadn’tseenKhenani naweeknowandIr eall

y
missedhi m,butwasn’tgoingtohav eenought i
me
becauseIwasgoi ngt ogetbusysoont oo.Hewasi n
Dubaiforthenexttwoweeksandt henAustral
iafor
aboutamont h,
KenyaandGhanaf oraf ewmor e
weeks.Ijustmadesur ehedoesn’ tmissLakhiwe’s
bir
thday,Imadesur eMar t
hagav ehim aweekof fhis
schedule.Hecouldn’tmissthi
s,andhepr omisedme
1000timeshewoul dn’tdare!

Ihadhiredahelpertot aket
hekidstoandfrom
schoolandhelpwitht hemaint
aini
ngandcleani
ngof
thehouse.Shewasn’ tcooki
ngthough;whenIhel
da
meetingwitht
heki dsandKeenant heyspeci
fi
cal
ly
tol
dmet heyonlyeatmyfood.Thi
sfamil
ywasjust
dif
fi
cul
t,butIpr
omi sedt
hem t
hatIwouldcookas
muchasIcan.AndIkeptmypr omise.

Ievent ual l
ypai dDumi ,“t
ooky oulongenoughy ou
l
ittl
ebr at.
”Washi sresponsebutt hatdoesn’ tbother
mebecauset hepropertyisnowi nmynameandwe
wer er eadyt ostar
t.Isetupameet i
ngwi thmy
contr actor, Atandwa.Wewer emeet i
ngathi sof f
ice
onFr iday .Thehousewasr unningsmoot hlyandso
wasev erything,MbaliandIhadn’ tspokenandIwas
notpl anni ngonspeaki ngt oherany t
imesoon.Iwas
stil
lsomad, fi
neIgetwher eshewascomi ngf r
om
butt hel eastshecoul dhav edonewaspi ckupt he
bloodyphoneandapol ogise.SonoIwasal sogoing
tobeabi tchabouti t.Ididnot hi
ngwr ong!!Khenan
andIsky pedal ot,l
uckilythet i
medi ff
erencewasn’ t
toobad, soi tmadeiteasyf orus.

Thursdayni
ghtIspentgoogl
i
ngAt
andwaandhi
s
work,hewasagodatwhathedoesandIwas
exci
tedtobewor ki
ngwithhim.Hehadgr eatare
commendat ionsandhist r
ackrecordwasamazi ng,
he’
swor kedwi t
hmanycel ebri
ti
esandbi gname
companies.Iwasi mpressed.Il
ookedathi spict
ur es;
damnIdon’ tknowhowamant hisgoodlookingcan
besingl
e.Hewashandsome, I’
m surehehad
womanf all
ingathisfeet.Iwenttosleepexcited
aboutmymeet i
ng,Icouldn’
twaitformyv isi
onto
comet oli
ve.

Fri
daymorni
ngIwokeupar ound10am t
hehouse
wasquiet
,Iwentdownst
air
sandmadeabr eakfast
smoothi
eandtookmypreventionmeds.Sincemy
meeti
ngwasat3pm Ihadplentyofti
me,Icall
edt he
sal
onandmadebookingformyhai randnail
s.
Igottothesal onanddidev erythingandwaxed, by
theti
meIwasdonei twasal ready13h30.Icoul dn’
t
belateforthismeeting,Iwenthomeandt ooka
showerandt hengotdr essed.Iwor earedwr ap
arounddressandasandal heel .No, no,no…Itookit
off…toosexy ,waytoosexy .Iputonaj eanshir
tand
fol
dedthesl eevesandpai r
edi twi t
hawhi t
eball
eri
na
ski
rtandy ell
owpoi nt
yheels.Ipackedmypurseand
headedout .Igottohisplaceat14h45,Ir
angthe
buzzerandwasl eti
n.Idroveupt othemost
beauti
fulhouseev er,
verymoder n.
Ididn’tevenr ingt hebel l
;Atandwaopenedt hedoor
forme.Thepi cturesr ef
lected40%oft hisman’ s
gorgeousness.Iwasatal ostforwor ds, Ishookhis
handandhecl osedt hedoorbehi ndme.Shi thewas
tal
l.Hewasdr essedl i
ghtbluej eans,tor natthe
kneeswi thapl ainwhi teroundneckt ee.Hewas
walkingbar efootwhi chwaski ndofcut e.Hewas
darkincompl exi on,butwi thal i
ttl
eglow.Hi sbeard
hadgr ownabout3weeksol dandwasscr uf
fyina
sexyway ,hescr at chedhishead, “uhm, you’reearl
y.
”
Hesmi l
edoddl yr eveali
ngcr ookedt eeth, Godtake
menow, Ithought , “
byaf ewmi nutes,Icanwai ti
n
mycarf ory ou.”
Hi
m: No,
pleasecomei
n,canIgety
ousomet
hingt
o
dr
ink?
Me:
Wat
erwi
l
lbegood.
Hel
edmei
ntohi
sli
vi
ngar
ea,
andwentt
ofet
chmy
water.Hehandedi tt
omeandsmi l
ed,“pleasewai t
here,
Ihav eadiff
icul
tcl
ientandI ’
m goingtot rywrap
upourmeet ing.
”Inodded,“that’
salr
ight.”Hewal ked
awayandt urnedaroundbeforeleavi
ngt her oom,
“uhm, pl
easesit
.Makey ourselfcomfortable.”
Hel eftmei nt hisbeaut i
fulspace, Iwal kedar ound
ther oom.Hehadqui tealotoft rophi esandmedal s,
basket ball (
expl ai
nedt heheight ),swi mmi ng,and
someacademi cawar ds.Hewentt oOxf ordand
Stanf ord,okhewasshowi ngof fwi t hhangi nghi s
degreesf rom t opuni ver
siti
esar oundf orev eryonet o
see.Iwal kedov ertocheckouthi smusi ccol l
ection,
I’
dbedamned!MosDef ,Tali
bKwel i
,Er ykaBadu, Jay
Electronica, Nas, Hi-Tek,someJi llScot t,NateDogg,
Laury nHi ll
.Iwassmi li
ngtomy self.Itwasnow
15H11andhest i
l
lwasn’ tback.It ookoutMosDef–
BlackBot hSi desal bum andpl ay edi t,skippedt he
fi
rstsongandl ist
enedt othesecondt rackoft he
album, andt het hir
d, t
hent r
acknumber4.Ist arted
tosing/ rapal ongt ot helyri
cs“bi gf ame, shelikes
catswi thbi gt hangs, Jewelschi p,moneycl ip,phone
fl
ip,thesi xr ange.Iseenheront heAv e,spot t
edher
morethanone...
”Ifrozewhenhesai dthenextl i
ne,
“Asssofatyoucouldseei tfrom t
hefront,shespot
melikepaparazzi
.”Hefinishedtheli
neaf t
erIhad
swit
chedthemusi coff,Iwassoembar essed.
Me:
I’
m sosor
ry.
Hi
m: Whatf
or,
forl
i
kingMosDef
.Pl
ease.Comet
his
way.

Ifol
lowedhi mthroughhi sgor geouski t
chen; Ihavea
thi
ngf orkitchensandev er
yt i
meIst epintooneI
j
ustwantt owhi pupsomet hing.Hiskitchenmade
mewantt owhi pupast orm, west eppedoutoft he
kit
chendoorandt hat’
swhenheputhi sshoeson
andwewal kedtot heoutsi
debui lding.Whi chwas
hugeact uallyandIf i
gureditwaswher ehewor ked.
YesIwasr ight;heopenedt hedoorl et
tingmewal k
i
nf i
rst.Afterthatli
nef r
om MsFatBoot y,
Icoul dn’
t
helpbutt hinkhewasst ari
ngatmyass.ButIpai di t
nomi nd;hel edmet othedr awingspaceandnott he
offi
ce.Hest ar
tedt al
ki
ngandt ell
ingmehi sideas
basedont heinformationIhadgi venhim att he
beginni
ngoft heweekov erouremai l
s.Iwas
i
mpr essedwi t
hhi sworkandImadeaf ew
suggesti
onsher eandt hereandhej ottedev eryt
hing
down.Myphoner angandi twasKhenan, “sor r
yI
havetotaket hi
s.”Imov edawayf rom hi m abi tand
answered,“heybaby .
..don’tjokelikethat .
..y ousee
you’r
egettingmeexci tedfornot hing.
...haha. .
..
l
istenbabyIhav et ogoI’mi nameet i
ngI ’l
l callyou
whenI ’
m home. .
..ohok, whatt i
mewi l
l yourmeet i
ng
end..
.?Alr
ightcallme...l
ovey outoo.”

Icutthecal
landwentbackt
oAt
andwa,
“sor
ryabout
that
.”
Hi
m:I
t’
sal
ri
ght
..
.
Me:
Ithi
nkwehav
ecov
eredev
ery
thi
ng.
Hi
m:ButIhav
en’
tseent
hepr
oper
tyy
et.
Me:
Uhm,
whenar
eyouf
reet
ogochecki
tout
?
Hi
m:How’
stomor
rowmor
ning?
Me:Satur
day,
okcool
.Int
hemorni
ngthough,i
fI’
m
notbackhomeby10h30my5yearol
dwillmurder
me.
Him:
Ireadever
ythi
ngtherei
stoknowabouty
ou
andt
hereisnomentionofanychi
l
dren.
Me: AndIreadevery
thi
ngaboutyouandther
ewas
noment ionofswimmingandbasket
bal
l.Sowhat
’s
yourpoint?
Hi
m:Oh.
..y
ouwi
n.Letmewal
kyouout
.

Wewal kedthr
ought
heki
tchen,
“thi
ski
tcheni
stoo
beaut
if
ul.”
Hi
m:You’
reachef
,obv
iousl
yyou’
dsayt
hat
.
Me:
Makesmewantt
orenov
atet
heonei
nmyhouse.
Him:Ha,
oryoucancomecookher
e.Idon’
tev
en
knowhowtoswit
chthest
oveon.
Me:Well
,fi
nishthi
sproj
ectandI
’
llmakey
out
he
bestmealyou’
veeverhad!
Hi
m:Deal
.
Wer eachedmycar ,wechat
tedaboutsi
l
lyt
hing.He
openedt hedoorformeandclosedi
tandwatched
medr i
veof f
,whil
stwavi
ng.

Iwashappyaboutt hemeet i
ngi twentv erywell
,I
thi
nkwewi l
lwor kver
ywel lt
oget her.Iarr
ivedhome
anditwasafter6pm, t
herewasnosi gnoflif
einthe
houseunti
lIsteppedintotheloungeandIcoul d
hearvoi
cesintheback...Iwalkedout sideleavi
ngmy
shoesonthepor ch;t
hekidswer ei nthepool wit
h
Keenanwatchingthem.
[
11/
23,
17:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode82

Iwalkedoverandgreet
edeveryone,
theyhadfr
iends
overandthatwasweirdbecausenobodyhad
di
scussedthatwit
hmesoIj ustkeptmycool.
Me:
Heywhat
’sgoi
ng?
Keenan:
Kidswant
edf
ri
endsov
er,
nowt
his.
Me:
Ist
hepool
heat
ed?
Hi
m:Yeahabi
t.
Me:
Andt
hei
rpar
ent
s?Youspoket
othem?
Hi
m:Wel
l
...ki
ndof
.
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
Hi
m: Ipr
etendedt
obemybr
other
,that
’swhatI
mean.
Me:
I’
ll
deal
wit
hyoul
ater
.Ar
etheysl
eepi
ngov
er?
Him:Yeah,
wegotsl
eepingbagsandal
l
.Weev
en
boughtf
oodtomakepizza.
Me:
Soy
ouguy
sar
emaki
ngpi
zza?
Hi
m:Ha,
nicet
ry.Youpr
omi
sedr
emember
.
Me:Andyou’
regoingtopayf
ort
hatt
oo.Letmeget
outoft
hesecl
othes.

Ichangedandcamebackdown; Igrabbed
everyt
hingfrom t heki
tchenouttothepool areaand
l
aidoutev erythi
ngIneededont het abl
ewhi l
e
Keenanl i
tthepi zzaoven.Imi
xedt hedoughand
toppedthepi zzasbeforeputt
ingthem intheov en
oneatat ime.Byt het
imeIwasdonet hekidswere
seatedaroundt hetabl
eandreadytoeat,weal lat
e.
Thekidsbat hedandheadedtot hei
rbedroomswi th
thei
rfri
ends.Thehousewasnoi sythatnight
, t
he
gir
lssleptat9whi l
etheboysstayedinthecinema
unti
llordknowswhen.

Igott obedandsentAt andwaandat ext:Hi,I

’
m so
sorrytobother.Theki dshadf ri
endsoverfort
he
night.Maybetomor r
owmor ningwon’tbethebest
ti
me.CanIcont actyouwi ththetimesI’l
lbe
avail
able.Sorr
yt oinconvenienceyou,butdoletme
knowi fyouwon’ tbeav ai
lablewecansetanot her
day.

Hedi
dn’
trespondbutcal
l
edi
mmedi
atel
y,“
hi.
”

Hi
m:Hey
,st
il
lup?
Me:
Uhm,
yeah.I
’
m sur
pri
sedy
ou’
rest
il
lup.
Hi
m:I
’
mjustwor
kingont
hechangesy
ouwant
ed.
Me:
Att
hishouroft
heni
ght
?
Hi
m:Idi
dn’
tgetwher
eIam bysl
acki
ngar
ound.
..
Me:
Alr
ightMrSt
anf
ord.
Hi
m:Ouch,
thathur
t.
Me:Wasthatnott
hepur
poseofy ouhangi
ngt
hem
outf
ortheworl
dtoseet
hen,i
fithurt
swhenwe
menti
onthem?
Hi
m:No.
..Thewor
lddoesn’
twal
kint
omyhouse15
mi
nsbef
oreameeting.
Me:
Wow,I’
m gett
ingpuni
shedforbeingearl
y..
.
r
emindmetokeepyouwaiti
ng15mi nutesnextti
me.
Hi
m: I
’l
lst
il
lbi
l
lyouwhet
hery
ou’
ret
her
eont
imeor
l
ate.
Me:
Iguessear
lyi
tishaha.
Hi
m:Sowhatar
eyoudoi
ng?
Me:
Wat
chi
ngpi
tchper
fect2.
Hi
m: Youtoo.
..Ican’
tdealwit
hyouri
ghtnow.
..I
t
houghtyouwer ecool
,butnow.Uhm..
.NOPE!
Me:
What
ever
..
.goodni
ght
.
Hi
m:Ha,goodnight
.Letmeknowwheny
ou’
ref
ree
t
omorr
ow.I’
llbehomeallday
.
Me:
Alr
ight
,by
enow.

Icont i
nuedwat chingmymov i
eti
llIdosedof f
.
Khenandi dn’
tcallmet hatni
ght
.Saturdaymor ni
ng,
thekidswant edtohav eanot
hersleepov er
,butat
theirfr
iends’placethisti
mesoIl etthem.Keenan
l
ef ttoseehi sgir
lfr
iendandwouldonl ybebackon
Monday .Iwasonmyowni nthehouse, andthen
textedAt andwat hatweshouldmeetat12h00.
Hetextedback:
Canwepl
easepusht
hatt
o1pm.
somethingcameup.
Myresponse:That
’sal
ri
ght
..
.Letmeknowwhen
you’
redone.
Hi
m:Cool
,I
’l
lpi
cky
ouupaf
tert
his.

Isenthi
m myaddressandIcalledKhenan,Icouldn’
t
getaholdofhi
m.Ar ound12Itookashowerand
worelongbl
ackAdidasgymtightsandal azyvest
withblackAdi dastubularnov asneaker s.Ididn’t
carryabagIt iedmyhai ri
namessybunandputon
mypol iceshadesandwai t
edf orAt andwa.Hecame
at13H05andcal ledwhenhewasout side.Igr abbed
myphoneandwal l
etandheadedt ohiscar .Hewas
standingnextt oabl ackMer cedesBenzG350d, he
wassmi li
ng.Igottohi m andheopenedt hedoorf or
me, wedr ovetot hesiteandhemadeaf ewchanges
tothei deaswehaddi scussedt hedaybef ore.We
drovet oacof f
eeshopi nPhiladelphiaandhadl unch
whichhepai df orandhedr oppedmebackathome.
Itri
edt ocallKhenanandagai nhedi dn’tpickup, I
didn’twanttobot herKeenansoIj ustleftit.Isenta
messaget othegi r
lsonourgr oup: Ladiesni ght?
Wit
hinsecondsSam r
esponded:
I’
vebeenwai
ti
ng
f
orthi
stextall
monthlong.
Phume:Girl
sjustwannahav
efun!
!I’
l
lmakea
reser
vat
ion,20H00.
Me:
Per
fect
.
Khany
i:Not
hingr
atchetpl
ease?
Pi
nky
:What
’swr
ongwi
thr
atchet
?
Me:Hayi
Pinky,nott
hist
ime.Di
nneranddr
inks.I
l
ikedt
helastpl
acewewentt ol
astt
ime.
Khany
i:Theguyswer
etooser
ious,
somet
hingal
i
ttl
e
bi
tmorechil
led.
Phume:
I’
ll
sendy
ouguy
sthedet
ail
s.
Ev
ery
one:
Cool
.

Ifel
tbadafterthatbecauseIsai
di tinthegr
oupand
Mbalicoul
dn’tcomewi th.Il
efti
t.Itookaquicknap
andwaswokenupbyKhenan’ scall;hewas
tr
avell
i
ngtoDur banforaweekbef oreheadi
ngto
Ghana.
Igotintotheshoweraf t
erthatandgotdr essedina
pai
rofwhi tehighwai stboyfri
endjeans(ripped
obviousl
y)abl ackturtl
eneckcr optop,onlyshowing
aninchofski n.Il
etmyhai rdowni nanat uralwave
andwor eapanor amahatandagol dsli
ngbag.I
fi
nishedmyl ookbyr ol
l
ingmyj eansupt oshowmy
ankleandt hr
ewabl ackblazerovermyshoul ders.I
wentdownst airstoputonmygol dsandal heel,
was
j
ustint i
mef orthecab.Wehadal i
tt
lescreaming
sessi
onbef orewetookof f,t
heyalreadyhad
champagneandhandedmeagl ass.West oppedat
thegarageforcigar
ettesandgum. ..thenheadedto
Tji
ngTjing.Wewer eleadt oourtable,weordered
dri
nksandsomef ood...t
heplacewaspacki ngup
pret
tyquick,PhumeandIwentoutf oracigar
ette
andtocool down.Wewenti ntotheladiesbeforewe
wentbackt othegir
ls,“li
psti
ckbabe? ”
Me:
YouknowI
’
m notaboutt
hatl
i
fe.
Her
:Yout
hough,
thi
scol
ourwoul
dsui
tyou.

Ipout edmyl ipsandappl i

edmyl i
pbalm, whenwe
gott ot hegirl
st het ablewasf ullofguys.Ishookmy
headandl aughed, you’dswearwewer estil
li
n
varsity.ButIlov edt hataboutt hegirl
s,weekendit’
s
abigj ol.ComeMonday ,
everyonei si
nt hei
rpower
suitsandgoi ngheadt oheadwi thmenol denough
tobet heirfathers’i
nt heboar droom.Itookmyseat
andmi xedmyMusgr aveGi nandpi nktonicwith
grapef rui
tandbl ueberri
esandt ookasip.Theguyt o
myl eftaskedmet omov eoverabi tt
ol ethi
sfri
end
sitdown; Igav ehimt hel ookandt henl ookedathi s
fri
end.Ohhel l no!!Thi sisn’thappeni ngr ightnow;
Atandwast oodi nf rontofmewi thagoof ysmi l
eon
hisf aceandpushedhi sgl assesup.Ishi ftedand
bur i
edmyf acei nmyhandst i
ll
Ihear dhi sv oicein
myear ,“wecanst i
l
l seey ou.”Gosh, IlaughedandI
thinkIwasbl ushi ngabi t.Phumegav emet helook,I
i
nt roducedAt andwat ot hegi rl
sandt heguy shad
alreadyint r
oducedeachot her.Hej ustpoi ntedtohi s
fri
endst elli
ngmet heirnamesoneatat i
me, notli
ke
Iremember edanyoft hem.Wehadagoodni ght,but
Iwast i
redhadn’ tdonet hisinal ongt imeandI
neededmysl eep.Isai dby etothegi rl
s, and
Atandwawal kedmet omycabwhi l
ecar ryingmy
coat .
Hi
m:You’
ref
unwheny
ouar
en’
tinwor
kmode.
Me:
Whatdoest
hatmean?
Him:Yout akeyourworkser
iousl
y,andt
hati
sa
goodthing.Butyouneedtoletgosometi
mesand
havefun.Wewon’ tbi
te.
Me:
I’
m notaf
rai
dof‘
youguy
s’Ij
ustcan’
tbedoi
ng
t
hisev
eryweekend.Ihav
eki
ds.
Hi
m:Theyar
en’
tyour
s.
Me:
Theyar
emyf
iancé’
swhi
chmakest
hem mi
ne.
Hi
m: Hhmmm,
Iheary
ou.Wel
lwe’
l
ltal
kdur
ingt
he
week.

Hehandedmemycoatandgav emeapeckont he
cheekbeforeopeningthedoorforme.Igotinsi
de
andheclosedthedoor ,“
letmeknowwheny ouget
home.”Inodded;hepaidt hedri
verwhichwasnot
necessaryatal
l.ButIsmiledtomy sel
fandthecab
tookoff.
Itookmyshoesof ftheminuteIsteppedi nt
othe
house.Iwentupstair
sandt ookofftherestofmy
cl
othesandwentt opee.Myphonewasr i
ngingin
mybag; Icouldn’
tgetupmidpee.Af terIwasdone,
pull
edupmypant i
esandhadagl assofwat er
beforecheckingmyphone.Itwasact uall
yav i
deo
callf
rom Atandwa,Isentatextt
hatI’m homesafe
andgotintobedandsl ept
.
WednesdayIdeci
dedtofl
ytoDur
bantosur
pri
semy
baby
,justasl
andedhecal
ledme,“
heybaby
!!
”
Hi
m:You’
rei
nagoodmood.
Me:
Likecl
oud9.
Hi
m: Ok,l
ist
enI’m att
heairportandheadi
ngto
Ghana.Theyneededmet hereearly
,pl
usthatwayI
wil
lmakeitforKhanyi
’sbi
rthdayandspendmor e
t
ime.
Me:
Oh,
alr
ight
.Tel
lmewheny
oul
and.
Hi
m:Ar
eyouok.

At earescapedandInodded, almostli
kehewas
there.Icutthecall
andswi tchedmyphoneof faft
er
that.Ideci
dedIwoul dstayher efor2nightsand
thencheckoutt herestaurantthenheadhomet o
fi
nishthepr epforKhanyi’
sbi r
thdayparty.Iwentt
o
hav esupperaloneatar estaurantandthenheaded
toKhenan’ sDurbanhouse.
.
.
.
.
.
GuysImadeami st
akeint
heprev
iouspost
.Khany
i'
s
b-
daynotLakhi
we'ssosor
ry.
[
11/
23,
17:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode83

Iparkedthehi redcarandt ookoutmyov ernightbag

andwenti nside.Thehousewasqui et
,sodead, I
walkedupt oourbedr oom andswi tchedt helights
onandIcoul dn’tbelievemyey es.Therewasa
womanl y
ingi nmyman’ sbed.Thef uck...Igrabbed
thefir
stthingIcoul dseewhi chwasherweav eand
draggedheroutofbedwi thit.Shescr eamed,
shoutinghowsor ryshei s,Ilookedatherf aceand
l
etgoofher .Itookaf ewst epsbackunt ilthewal l
stoppedmef rom st eppinganyf urtherback.Iwasn’ t
angry,Iwassohur t
...mybodysunkt othef l
oorandI
start
edcryingsol oud, Iwasact ual
lyscr eami ng,
“whatthef
uck!!
”overandov
eragain,
Isawher
makingherwaytowardsme,Igotupimmedi
atel
y
gather
ingmysel
f.
Me:
Youst
ayt
hef
uckawayf
rom me!
Her
:Thandopl
e-
Me:
Arewef
ri
ends?Am IThandot
oyou?
Her
:Pl
ease,
it’
snotwhati
tlooksl
i
ke.

Itookof
fmyring,“
giv
ethi
stoyourmanf
orme.I
hopeyouguy
sar ehappyt
oget
her.
”

Iwalkedoutoft hehouseanddr ovetotheai rport,

l
uckyenoughIgotaf li
ght .Wewer edepar t
ingi nan
hour’
st i
me...It
riedcalli
ngmydad, not
hing, Zenon
str
aighttovoicemai l
.It r
iedevery
one,evenKeenan. .
.
andIcouldn’tgetahol dofany body,Il
etoutasi gh
andthoughtofMbal i.
...Itri
edherandalsov oicemail
.
Isatattheairportcr
yingunt ilmyphoner angwi t
ha
CapeTownl andli
nenumber ,Imanagedtopushout
aHel l
othroughmyt ear s.
Hi
m:Thandowhat
’swr
ong?
Me:
Atandwa?
Hi
m:Yeah,
arey
ouok?
Me:
No,
yes.
..I
’
mfi
ne.
Hi
m:Wher
ear
eyou?
Me:
Dur
banonmywayt
her
e.
Hi
m:whatcanIdo?
Me:
Pleasegetmef
rom t
heai
rpor
tin2hour
s.
Hi
m:Ok,
goti
t.

Iboardedtheplane,Atandwawast herewait
ingfor
measpr omised.Hewal kedovertomeandgav eme
awar m hug.Hedidn’taskwhat ’
swr ong.Wedrovein
si
lenceinhiscar,“mustIt akey
ouhome? ”
Me:
Myhouse.
Hi
m:wher
e?

Igav
ehi
mthedi
rect
ionsandhedr
ovet
omyhouse.
Wedroveinandhewal
kedmei
nsi
de,
“your
l
uggage?”
Me:
Ilef
titi
nDur
ban,
Hi
m:Ar
eyougoi
ngt
obeokal
one?
Me:
YeahIguess.
..t
hanky
ou.

Helookedatmewi thsuchsadnessi nhisey es,

“pi
tchper fect?”t
hisguythough.Ismi ledfaintlyand
nodded, hewal kedinandclosedt hedoor .
..wegot
dri
nksandchi l
ledonthef l
oorinthel oungewat ching
pit
chper fect.Butmymi ndwasn’ ttherehalft hetime;
i
twasonLer atoinmybed, howcoul dKhenanbet ray
mel i
ket his?Thealcoholwassi nkinginandIsoon
fel
lasleep.

Iwokeupt henextmor ningwi t

hmyj eansoff;Iwas
i
nmyv estandpanties.Evenmybr awasof f.I
checkedtheroom, Iwasal one,andtheothersideof
thebedwasn’ tt
ouched.Itookaqui ckshowerand
brushedmyt eet
h,andheaddownst air
sinmygown
baref
oot.Thehousewasempt y.Myheadwasheav y
fr
om thecryi
ngandthealcohol;
Itookagr andpaand
gotwaterfr
om thefr
idge.Bef
oreIgrabbeditther
e
wasanot e:Putt
hepill
sdownanddr inkthi
s.

Thisguywassomuchl i
keKhenan,Ismil
edand
drankthev i
l
emi xtur
eandwashedi tdownwi th
water.Isatonthecouchandf ell
asleepforaboutan
houruntilt
hebuzzerwentoff.ItwasKeenanI
buzzedhimi nandwentt ochangeandr i
nsemy
mouthwi thmout hwash.

Hewasi
nthekit
chenwhenIcamedown,
“youdon’
t
hav
eanybeer
?”
Me:
Int
hegar
age,
whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Hi
m:Ouch,
Khenansai
dhecan’
treachy
ou.
Me:
Hmm.
Hi
m:What’
sgoi
ngon,Ihadtohackt
heai
rl
ine
r
ecor
dst
oknowt haty
ou’
reback.
Me:
Whydon’
tyouaskKhenanorbet
tery
ett
he
assi
stanthehi
redf
orme?
Him:Thando,I
’
mt hesmar t
estpersonIknowand
curr
ent
lyyourl
ev elofsenseisatzero.Pl
ease,
swit
chont hel
ightbulbforme?
Me:Pl
easeIwantt
obeal
one;
Ihav
eat
onofwor
kto
do.
Hi
m:I
’
llhel
pyou.
Me:
Idon’
tneedhel
p.
Hi
m:Fr
om any
oneorj
ustme?
Me:Wherewereyoulastni
ghtwhenIneededy
our
hel
p?Busyr
ight?Getbusyagai
nnow.
Him:Thati
snotfai
r.
..y
oucan’tbemadatmefor
somethi
ngIdon’
tknowandbecauseyoucoul
dn’
t
getaholdofme.Youaren’
tAbebi
.
Me:
Nicet
oknow.
..t
hanky
ou.

Thetear
sstartedcomingdowninvol
untari
l
y .Keenan
tookasteptowardsme,“Thandowhat’swrong?”I
cri
edandtri
edt ocal
m downbutIcouldn’
t,heheld
mei nhi
sarmsinahug.WhenIwascalmedhet ook
astepbackwi
thmyhandsi nhi
s,“
whathappened?”I
l
ookeddown,andhelookeddowntoo,
“whereis
yourri
ng?”
Me:Igavei
ttoLer
ato,shecanhavehim.Iwil
lnotbe
madeafool.Hewaswi t
hherinthehouse;
they
coul
dn’
tevenbookint
oahot el
.Hehadtofuckthat
whorei
nthesamebedhe-

Heputhi shandsar oundmeagai n,“pleasest op

crying, I’
m goingt ot akecareofthis.”Heki ssedmy
foreheadandt ookhi skeyslookingpi ssedasf uck!I
l
ethi ml eaveandbuzzedhi m out; Imadeasandwi ch
andt henwor kedabi tonmypr oj
ect .Atandwat ex ted
mebutIdi dn’trespond.Het r
iedtocal lagaini trang
tov oicemai lthenIgotamessageIhadami ssed
callIlistenedt oit:ThandoI ’
m sor r
yi fI’
m bot hering
you.I’mj ustsowor ri
edabouty ou; y
ouwer en’tina
goodspace.Iknowwear ejustwor kingtoget her, but
Ithinkweki ckedi tof fandwecoul dbegoodf ri
ends.
Pleasedon’ tgetmyi ntenti
onswr ong, yesy ou’rea
beaut ifulsexywomanbutIwoul dnev erhi
ton
someone’sfi
ancé.I
fyouf
eelI’
m bei
ngtoomuch
pl
easeletmeknowandIwi l
lkeepthi
srel
ati
onshi
p
str
ict
lypr
ofessi
onal
.

Thenhesentatextmessage:I
’
m sor
rytobeinga
pai
n;I
’l
lseeyounextweekinourmeet
ing.Havea
goodday..
.
Isti
ll
didn’
trepl
y,Icont
inuedt oworkanddecidedt o
pickKhanyiupatschool.Icall
edourhel
pt ell
i
ngher
andthenheadedf ort
heschool ;shewastooexcited
toseeme.Wewentcost umeshoppi ngbecauseshe
washav i
ngaf r
ozenthemepar t
y;wewentt otast
e
cakes;whi
chwasacompl et
ewast eoft
ime.
Her
:Mommy ,t
hesecakesareal
lhor
ri
ble.Iwanty
ou
t
omakeitandthefoodtoo.

Thel
adywhowasassisti
nguslookedpi
ssedthat
wewastedhert
ime,“
I’
m sosor
ryaboutthi
s,we’
ll
j
ustt
akeadozenofcupcakesf
ornow.”Ismil
ed,I
wasact
uall
yembarr
assed..
.
Lady
:Noproblem ma’
am.Lett
hechil
dhavewhat
shewant
s,Ihopeitwor
ksoutfort
hebest
.
Shesaidthatwit
hanat t
itude,andbecausemybaby
hadnofil
ter,“
ohitwi
ll,y
oudon’ tknowwhot hi
sis?”
thel
adygav eherablankstare,“Khany
i,l
et’
sgo.”
Shegotupf r
om theseat,wewentt opayandKhany i
wouldn’
tlett
heladybe,“ChefThandoKhumal o,
googlei
t!Deuces.
”
Whatthehel
lwaswr ongwi t
hthi
schi
ld?Ipai
dand
wewenttothecarIstrappedheri
nandgotint
othe
f
ront
,“Babyl
ist
en.
”
Her
:YesMommy(
angel
voi
cecameout
)
Me:Justbecausewedon’
tli
kesomethi
ngitdoesn’
t
meanwehav etoberudet
opeople.Youj
ustsayno
t
hanksandleave.
Her
:Doy
out
hinkshewasgoi
ngt
otakenot
hanks?
Me:I
t’
srespecthoney.Youcan’tspeaktopeopl
e
l
iket
hatorelsethepeoplearoundyouwill
not
r
especty
ouei t
her.Especi
all
ywithadult
.
Her
:Butsomeadul
tsdon’
thav
emanner
s.
Me:Andthat
’swhenyoushowt hem howit
’sdone.
Whentheyseeyoudoingi
ttheywil
llookuptoyou
andchangethei
rway
s.
Her
:Ok,
I’
m sor
ry.
Me:
It’
sal
ri
ghtbaby
,justdon’
tleti
thappenagai
n.
Her
:CanIhav
eacupcakenow?

Thi
schi
l
d,shesai
dthecakeswer
ebadandnowt
his?
Me:
Nobaby
,onl
ywhenwegethome.
..

Wedrovehometal
ki
ngaboutthepart
y,whi
chwould
beheldatt
hegl
asshouse,
Ihadtopromiseher
fat
herwoul
dbether
eeventhoughIwasn’
tsure.

Ihadn’
tspokent oKhenanandthedayoft hepart
y
came,everythi
ngwasset.Myf r
iendsallcamewith
thei
rchi
ldren;Khanyi
wastooexci t
edwithher
fri
endsf
rom school.Thepart
ywasasuccessf ul,
Khenandidn’tshowupbutAtandwadi d.Hewalked
i
ntot
heyardwit
hthebi
ggestsmi
l
eev
er,
“whatar
e
y
oudoingher
e?”
Hi
m: Areyoubei
ngser
ious?Ev
erypr
incessdeser
ves
apr
ince.
Me:
Ha,
andy
ou’
reherpr
ince?
Hi
m:Ofcour
se.

Heleftmestandingther
eandwentt oKhanyiand
gaveherapresentandshesquealedwhenshe
openeditandhuggedhim.Thatwaswei rd,
howt he
hel
ldidhemakeherscr eam l
ouderthanmypr esent
.
Hecamebackt owher eIwasstandi
ng, “
andthat?”
Hi
m:Bet
weenapr
incessandherpr
ince.
Me:
okt
hen,
canIgety
ousomet
hingt
odr
ink.
Keenan:
Noneed,
beer
?

HehandedAtandwaabeerandtheyshookhands
i
ntr
oduci
ngthemselv
es.Keenanwastryi
ngto
i
nti
midat
eAtandwabutitwasn’
tworki
ng,“Keenan
thi
sisAtandwa,
we’
rewor
kingt
oget
heront
hat
proj
ect
.”
Keenan:Ni
cet
omeety
ou,
I’
mtheThando’
sfi
ancé’
s
brot
her.
Atandwa:ni
cetomeetyou,
I’
veact
ual
l
ybeenl
ooki
ng
foryourbr
other
.Wher
eishe?

Iwassoembar rassedandsowasKeenan, hispl

an
hadf ai
l
edandhewast heassnow.“ Oh,
heisn’tat
hisdaughter’
sbirthday.I
’m sor
ryaboutt
hat.”His
voicehadasar casticEngl
ishaccenttoi
t.Ij
ust
walkedawayandwentt oKhanyiwhowasdanci ng
withherfr
iends;Ijoinedandpickedherup.We
dancedunt i
lIgottired.

Theguest sstar
tedl eavi
ngandIsatwi than
exhaustedKhany i
onmyl ap,shewasdosi ngoff.I
keptsmi l
i
ngandwav i
ngatpar ent
staki
ngt hei
rkids
home.Whenev eryonewasgoneKeenancameand
tookKhany it
osleep.It ookof fmyshoesandr est ed
myf eetonthechai rinfrontofme, Atandwawal ked
towardsmewi thachil
l
edbot t
leofchampagne,
“you’
resti
l
l her
e?Andhowdi dyouknow? ”Hejust
smiledandsatacrossthetabl
ef r
om mepopping
thebott
leopenandpour i
ngagl assforme,
“you’
rea
darli
ng.
”ItookasipandIlitacigaret
te.
Hi
m:Whatapar
ty,
didy
oupl
anev
ery
thi
ng.
Me:
Yip.
..f
rom st
artt
ofi
nish.
Hi
m:nowIknowwhyyou’
redoingwhaty
ou’redoi
ng.
I
tcomesnat
ural
toy
ouandy ouwil
ldogreat
.
Me: Ihopeso;i
t’
sallIhavegoingonr
ightnow.I
can’
tinvestsomucht imeandmoney,wellmy
fat
hers’money,onl
yf ori
ttofail
.
Him:Idon’
trememberr
eadi
ngabouty
ourpar
ent
s
bei
nggay .
Me:
Hav
eyouev
ermetagaygangst
er?
Hi
m: HaHay ou’
ref
ullofj
okes.Sowai
tyourf
atheri
s
agangst
er?Butyousaidf
athers.
Me:Realf
atherZenon,gangst
er.Adopt
ivef
ather
,
Dumisani
.Soyesfathers.
Hi
m:Wai
t,ZenonZenon?
Me:
Theoneandonl
y.
..
Hi
m:shi
t,Iai
ntf
ucki
ngwi
thy
ouev
er.
Me:Youdon’tev
enwantt
oknow,
that
’snot
hing.But
st
oryforanot
herday
.
Him:Soisy
ourfiancénotshowi
ngupf
orhi
s
daught
erastor
yf ort
oday?
Me:Atandwait
’scompli
cated.Idon’
tevenknow
what
’sgoingonwithKhenanlatel
y.Icanhandl
eit
,
butt
hekids?
Him: Icani
magi
ne,shewassohappyt odayandI’
m
sureifhewasherethatwouldhavebeenthecher
ry
ontop.Ifhewer
eher eri
ghtnow,Iwouldpunchhi
m
toPluto.
Khenan:
Wel
l
,whydon’
tyougi
vei
tat
ry?
.
.
.
.
.
.
30l
i
kesbef
orenextone!
!!
[
11/
23,
17:
22]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode84

Welookedupandwereshockedtoseehim st
anding
t
her
e,“soThandoyou’
resi
tt
inghergossi
pingabout
mewithyourboy
fri
endinmyhouse?”
Me:
Khenan,
I’
mti
red.Thi
sisn’
thappeni
ngr
ightnow.
Khenan:
ButIt
houghthewant
stopunchmet
oPl
uto,
Ha.

Atandwastoodupandt ower
edovertheKhenanI
thoughtwastal
l,“
Atandwapl
ease.
..
”hestaredi
nto
Khenan’seyesandshowednosignoffear
.
Igotupgrabbedhisarm,“
Atandwa..
.”Hesnapped
outofhisl
it
tl
et r
anceandlookedatme.Hisface
soft
ened,“
doy ouneedari
de? ”
Me:Not
hanks,
I’
ll
dri
vemy
sel
fhome.Thanky
ouf
or
comi
ng.
Herubbedmyshoul derbef oregiv i
ngKhenanone
l
astdar est areandwal kedof f
.Ipi ckedupmyshoes
fr
om t hefloorandt ookt hebottleofchampagneand
mygl assandwal kedt owar dsthehouse, “Thando,
whatt hehel l
?”Khenancal ledaf t
erme.Ij ustignor
ed
him.Iputmyshoesbyt hef r
ontdoorandwent
upstairs,
unl ockedourbedr oom doorIgotmybag
andjustasIwasl eavingheent eredt her
oom,
“wherear ey ougoing? ”
Itri
edtowal kbuthebl ockedmypat h,“Thandobaby
what’sgoingon? ”Istoodt herestar
ingathi m,I
mov edt othesi
deandhedi dn’
tblockmet hi
sti
me.I
walkedt oKhanyi’
sroom, shewasst il
ldressedinher
dress,andIkissedherf oreheadandt henwent
downst air
s.Khenanwal kedbehi ndme, Keenanwas
downst air
s“shouldIdr i
vey ouhome? ”Ishookmy
head,“thankshoney ,
y ouhav ebeenagr eathelp
al
ready .
”
Hi
m:CanIatl
eastf
oll
owy
ou;
Ineedt
omakesur
e
t
haty
ou’
resaf
e.
Me:Ok,f
ine.Youcandri
vemehome.Butgetmycar
t
omet omor r
ow;i
fther
eisascr
atchonmybabyI
wi
ll
scrat
chy ou100000ti
mesworse.
Hi
m:Ok,
I’
ll
takey
ourshoesi
nthemeant
ime.

Iwenttogetmychampagneandf ol
lowedhi
m out
,
Khenangrabbedmyarm gentl
y,“
Thandowhati
s
goi
ngon?Pl easet
alkt
ome. ”
Igotoutofhisgr
ipandgoti
nthecarwit
hKeenan
andwedr oveoff
.Iwassi
ppi
ngfrom t
hebot
tl
e,“so
Atandwahey?”
Me:
Whatabouthi
m?
Hi
m:Not
hing.
Me:
Ok.

Wedr oveinsi
lenceunti
lhedroppedmer i
ghtbythe
door,“
mustIwal kyouin?”Ihuggedhi
m, “noneed
sweety,t
hanks.Thecleaningteam wi
l
l bethere
around7am sopl easebeup.I’l
lseeyouguy s
whenever.
”
Iwentintomyhouse, i
twasst il
learlybutIwast ired.
Itookashower ,woremypy j
amabum shor tsand
vestwithkneehi ghsocks.Iwentdownst airsand
dishedout5l argescoopsofv anil
laicecr eam and
pouredAmar ul
aov eri
tandsati nfrontoft heTVand
putonamov i
e.Myphoner angi twasAt andwa, “can
Icomei n?”Whatwashedoi ngher e?Ibuzzedhi mi n
noteventhinkingIwashal fnaked,“Icecream? ”he
shookhishead, wewalkedintothel oungeandhe
empt i
edouthi sbagpack.Ther ewasal l
kindofjunk
food,Ismiled.
Me:
Any
thi
ngt
odr
ink?
Hi
m:Beer
Me:
Cool
,pi
ckamov
ieandI
’
llbeback.

Ifi
l
ledalar
geicebucketwith12beersandabot t
le
ofchampagnethenaddedice.Itookittothel
ounge
andAtandwawasalreadystuf
finghisfacewit
hmy
i
cecream,“It
houghtyoudidn’
twantany .”
Him:I
twasmel
ti
ngsoIt
houghtI
’
ddoy
ouaf
avour
.
Youshoul
dbet
hanki
ngme.
Me:
What
ever
,whatar
ewewat
chi
ng?
Hi
m:Logan.
Me:
Wol
ver
ine?
Hi
m:You’
resuchagi
rl
,yeswol
ver
ine.
Heroll
edhisey
esandl
aughedatme,
Ipunchedhi
m
pl
ayful
ly.

Wewat chedthemov i
eanddrank,af
terourmovi
e
wetalkedabit.Wetal
kedaboutschool,
andhowhe
gotint
ohisli
neofwor kandevent
uall
ygottothe
rel
ati
onshipt
opic.
Hi
m:Sohowl
onghav
eyouandKhenanbeen
t
oget
her
?
Me:
Ha,
uhm about2y
ear
snow.
Him:It
’sl
ikey
ouguy
shav
ebeent
oget
herf
orev
er,
engagedandall
.
Me:
Wasengaged.
Hi
m:Whatdoy
oumean?
Me:Rememberwheny
oupi
ckedmeupf
rom t
he
ai
rpor
t?
Hi
m:Hmmm
Me:Wel
l,
Ifoundmymanageri
nhi
sbed,
inhi
s
Dur
banhouse.
Hi
m:Andwhatdi
dhesayaboutt
hat
?
Me:Ihav
en’
tspokentohi
m,howwasIt
ospeakto
hi
m whenhedidn’
tev
encometohi
sdaught
er’
s
bi
rt
hdaypar
ty?
Hi
m:Tr
uehey
.Sowhatnow?
Me:
It’
sov
er.
Hi
m:Whati
fitr
eal
l
yisn’
twhati
tlooksl
i
ke?
Me:
Whatel
secoul
ditbe?
Him:Youknowhowwomencanget ?Ithi
nky ou
needtotal
ktohim,becauseri
ghtnowy ou’r
e
j
umpingtoconclusi
onswithouthear
inghisside.
You’
reli
keajudgeconvict
ingacrimi
nalwithouthi
m
pl
eadinghi
scase.
Me:
Butt
het
hingi
showwi
l
lIknowi
fhe’
stel
l
ingt
he
t
rut
h?
Hi
m:Hei
syourman;
youshoul
dbeabl
etot
ell
.

Iletoutasigh,hewasr i
ght.IguessIwasjusttoo
blindedbythehur tanddidn’tgivehi
m achance.
Khenani sn’
tinnocenteither
, i
t’
snotli
kehewas
blowi ngmyphoneupt ry
ingt ogetaholdofme.He
didn’tcar
e,aboutmeoraboutt hechi
ldr
enandt hat
reallybot
heredmebecauseIdi dn’
tunder
standwhat
coul dbemor eimportantthanhi sownfamil
y!

Wespokeabouthi sr
elat
ionshi
pstat
uswhichwas
singl
e,hewasabi tpri
vateabouthi
sshi
tsoIdi dn’
t
wanttpushi t
.Ithenthoughthehadagi
rlf
riendthat
hedidn’twantanyonetoknowabout.Il
etitbeand
tookwhathegav eme.
West ayedupf orhourstal
kingtil
lthesuncameup,
helef
t.Ididn’
tbothercleani
ngupIj ustgotint
obed
andslept.Iwokeupmuchl ateratabout10h30; I
wasn’thungov erwhichIwasgl adabout .Iwenti
nto
thebathroom andbrushedmyt eethandwashedmy
face.Iworemyr obeandwal keddownstairsmade
coffeeandwentt othepat i
ot ohavemymor ning
cigarett
e.Tomysur pri
seKhenanwassi tt
ingont he
patiofurni
tur
ehavingaci garett
eofhisown, “good
mor ning.
”Imusthav estart
ledhim becauseheki nd
ofchokedonhi scigaret
tesmoke.
Hi
m:uhm,
hi.Goodmor
ning.
Me:
Howl
onghav
eyoubeenher
e?
Hi
m:Icamei
nassoonasy
ourboy
fri
endl
eft
.
Me:
Oh.
Hi
m:Soy
ouar
enotgoi
ngt
odenyi
t?
Me:youdi
dn’taski
fhewas,you’
renotgoi
ngtopl
ay
t
hatcardwi
thmeKhenan.Justbecauseyou’
re
f
ucki
ngarounditdoesn’
tmeanthatIam t
oo.
Him:ButThando,
Idi
dn’
tdoanythi
ngwithher.You
shoul
dhavesaidsomet
hing;
Ihadtohearfr
om my
babybrot
her.
Me:
Sowhywasshei
nyourbedKhenan?
Khenan:
AloneThando,
Iwasn’
tther
e?
Me:Whataboutt
heni
ghtbefor
e?Howdi
dsheev
en
geti
ntot
hehouseint
hefi
rstpl
ace?
Khenan:Uhm,she’
sbeenst
ayingther
eforawhi
l
e
becauseshedidn’
thav
eaplacetostay.
Me:I’
m sor
rywhat?Ipayherenough,
shecoul
drent
any
whereinDurban.
Him:
Itwast
empor
aryunt
ilshegotapl
aceofher
own.
Me:
Andy
oudi
dn’
tthi
nkIshoul
dknowaboutt
his?
Hi
m:I
’
m sor
ry.
Me:
Soy
ou’
reexpect
ingmet
obel
i
evet
hat
?
Hi
m:Iwasj
ustt
oobusyandi
tsl
i
ppedmymi
nd.
Me:Sowhywasshei
nthemasterbedr
oom?Since
youwer
einDur
banwherewer
ey ousl
eepi
ng?
Him:Idon’tknowwhyshewassl eepi
ngther
e.She
wasalway sinoneoftheot
herbedroomswhenI
wasthere.Ihavenoideawhyshewasonourbed
Thando;Ineedyoutobeli
eveme.
Me:
Hhmmm.
Him:ThandoIwoul
dnev
erdoany
thi
ngt
ojeopar
dise
ourr
elat
ionshi
p.
Me:Yeah,Khensani
,andMissLongor
ia.Comeon
Khenanthi
sisn’
tthefi
rstt
imesomethingl
iket
his
hashappened.

Heletoutasigh,Ievent
ual
lyl
itmyci gar
ett
eandwe
sati
nsilenceunti
lIhear
dhim dial
li
ng.Thephone
wasonl oudspeakerandaladypickedup,“Mr
DeCosta,didy
ouspeakt oher?”helookedupatme.
Khenan:
Yesandshewi
l
lnotgi
vey
ouy
ourj
obback.
Ler
ato:
Pleaset
ryhar
derIcan’
tloset
hatj
obsi
r.
Him:Uhm, l
i
stenLerat oIhiredy
oubecauseThando
neededyou,andIlety oustayatthehousebecauseI
fel
tsorr
yforyouanddi dn’
twanty ouinthestr
eet
especi
all
ybecauseIt ooky oufr
om y ourhomehere.
Nowy oumessedt hingsupandIcan’ thel
pyou
becauseIdon’tknowwhyy ouwer einmyr oom.
Her:
MrDeCostaIdi
dn’
texpectanybodytobehome.
Ij
ustwant
edtofeel
whatitwasli
keto..
.
Il
ookedatKhenan,
“whati
twasl
i
ket
owhatLer
ato?
”
Her:t
obeher ,
towearhercl othes,
andsl eepinher
bed.Idi
dn’tmeanforhertof i
ndout .I.
..I
’
m sorr
y.I
guessIletmyobsessiongett hebetterofme.I’
m
sorr
yIruinedyourr
elati
onship,Il
eftherengagement
ri
nginthedrawerofyoubedr oom.
Him:Ok,sor
rythi
ngsworkedoutt
hisway
.Li
stenI
havetogetbacktowor
k...
Her:Onemorethi
ngMrDeCost
a,i
fthi
ngsdon’
twor
k
outbetweeny
outoo,
youhavemy-
Igr
abbedthephonef
rom Khenan’
shand,
“whatdi
d
yousaybi
tch?
”
Shecutthecall
,Iwasfumi ng.Shehassomener ve,
I
waspissedoffatherandIwasangr ybecause
Khenanhadbroughtthi
ssnakei ntoourliv
es,int
o
ourhome.Igotupandt hrewt hephonehardathim,
i
tbouncedofhisshoulderandcr ashedontothe
fl
oor,
“getout
!”
Hi
m:Thandot
hisi
sn’
tfai
r!
!
Me:
Fai
r?Ar
eyouf
ucki
ngki
ddi
ngmer
ightnow?
Him:ThandoIj
ustpr
ovedt
oyouthatnot
hingi
s
goi
ngonbetweenusandyou’
reki
cki
ngmeout .

Iletoutasigh,hewasrightbutIwast ooangryto
thinkrat
ional
lyatthi
spresentmoment .“KhenanI
needt i
met oprocessev
er y
thing,Ineedsomespace.
Isthattoomucht oaskfor?Ijustwanttothink
goddami t!
”
Hi
m:Al
oneorwi
thAt
andwa.
Me:Youhav
ethener
ve;
getoutofmyhouset
his
moment.

Hepickedhisphoneupandwal kedrightuptome,
hekissedmyf orehead,“
I’
ll
giveyouy ourspace,but
you’
remine!I’
llki
llt
hatboyifIhaveto.”Ipushedhim
offmeandhel eft.Iwentupstai
rstookmypi ll
and
showered,Ical
ledKeenan,“Hey,havetheycleaned
uptheplace?”
Hi
m:Yeah,
theyf
ini
shedanhourago.Ar
eyou
comi
nghome?
Me:
Notj
usty
et.
Hi
m:Thandot
hechi
l
drenneedy
ou.
Me:
Arey
out
ell
i
ngt
hatt
oKhenan?
Hi
m:Youknowhowhei
s.
Me:
Thenheshoul
dbr
ingbackt
hei
rmot
her
.
Hi
m:Hedoesn’
thav
eher
,sher
an.
Me:
Andt
hat
’swhyshecal
l
edmer
ight
?

Shi
t,Ij
usthadt
obef
orwar
d,“
shecal
l
edy
ousay
ing
what?”
Me:
Not
hing,
for
getIsai
dany
thi
ng.
Icutt
hecal
landgotdr
essedandv
isi
tedmymom.

Ithoughtalotf
orthenextcoupleofweeks,
Khenan
andIhadn’tspokensi
ncehel ef
tthehouseandIwas
hopingthathewouldhavetri
edt or
eachouttome
orsomet hi
ng.Hedidn’
tbutinsteadhewaspaint
ing
thetownr ed,i
nt heclubspoppi ngbottl
es.I
twasall
oversocialmedia.Thiswassoembar rassi
ng
especial
l
yaf t
erhi sGQi nter
viewwher ehesharedhis
engagementwi thev eryone.Icouldn’
tdealandI
wasn’thavingsleeplessnightsov erhi
m anymore.
TheseweeksI ’vebeenpicki
ngthekidsupfrom
school,andhelpingwithhomeworkatmyhouse.I
wasdr oppingthem homewi t
hsupperjustl
ikeI
promised.Iwasn’ tgoi
ngtoabandonthechil
dren
becauset hei
rfatherwasacti
ngli
keat ot
alass.

Iwasinmyst udyworki
ngont heci
vi
ccent
reandmy
phoneranganditwasMbali,Idi
dn’
tknowwhatto
do.Ideci
dedtopickup,“
hi.
”
Mbal
i
:Howar
eyou?
Me:
I’
m al
ri
ght
,you?
Her
:Good,
li
stencanIpl
easet
alkt
oyou?
Me:
Sur
e,what
’sup?
Her
:Cany
oucomeov
er?
Me:
When?
Her
:How’
saboutar
ound1pm?
Me:
Cool
,seey
out
hen.

At1H15Ileftmyhouseandwentov ertoher
s,Isure
ashellwasn’
tgoingt
obeear l
y.Sheneededt
osweat ,
theyweresti
ll
li
vi
ngtherebecauseMduwasbui l
ding
herthehouseofherdreams.

IwalkedintoMbal i
’shouse; shewassi tt
inginthe
l
oungewi t
hherhusbandandbaby .Iwalkedin
nervously,
“Thandodon’ tbel i
kethat,
youknowI
call
edy outoapologizesost opmaki ngitwor se.
”I
smiled;shegotupandgav emeahug.Wehugged
forthelongestti
me; Mdutookt hebabyandl eftus.
Wesatdown, Mbal istar
ted,“babe,I
’m sosorry.I
wokeupy ouweren’thereandIpani cked.Ijust
thoughtofthewor stcasescenar ioespecial
lyafter
youlostyourbaby .Iknowy ouwoul dnev erdosuch
athing.
”
Me:
Iact
ual
l
yhav
e.
Her
:Shutup,
I’
m bei
ngser
iousher
e.
Me:Ok,stopapologi
zi
ng.BabeIwantababy ,butmy
ownbabywi t
hthemant hatIl
ov e.Ij
ustwantedy ou
togetsomerest.ButIunder
standwhyy ouact edthe
wayyoudidandi t
swaterunderthebridge.

Shegavemeahugandwet alkedaboutr
andom
thi
ngsbef
oreIhadtol
eaveformygynae
appoi
ntment
,Isai
dbyetoMduandbabyNt si
ka.
Mbaliwal
kedmetothecar,
“youknowMsi zi…
Me:
Msi
zi
?
Her
:Theper
sonal
trai
nery
our
efer
redmet
o?
Me:
Yeah,
ishegood.I
’
veonl
yhear
dgr
eatt
hings.
Her:I
’
m onl
ystar
ti
ngwit
hhim onSat
urdayandhe
sai
dIcanbri
ngafri
endsoIwasthi
nki
n-
Me:
Nonobabyno…nopest
opt
hinki
ngr
ightt
her
e.
Her
:Butbabe,
youneedi
tyou’
vepi
ckedupaf
ew.
Me:
BecauseI
’
m onbi
rt
hcont
rol
.
Her
:Wel
l
,youneedt
ogobackt
oyoursi
ze.
Me:
I’
ll
thi
nkabouti
t.
Her
:That
’sano.
Me:
Youknowmet
oowel
l
.
Her
:Mxm

“ILOVEYOUTOO, ”IshoutedasIdr ov
eoftothe
doctor.Iwastherefor5mi nut
eswhent hedoctor
wasr eadyforme,Ienter
edherr oom andshesmiled.
Sheissosweet ,Isatonthebedl egsopenthenshe
l
ookedupatme.
Dr
:Whenl
astdi
dyougoony
ourper
iods?
Me:
Pleasedon’
ttel
lme.
Dr
:No,butIwil
ldoanult
rasoundj
usttor
ulet
hatout
.
Ar
eyouandy ourf
iancét
ryi
ngforababy?
Me: Nope,
wedecidedtogoont
hepi
l
lforabouta
yearandwe’l
ltr
yagai
nlter
.
Dr
:Ok,
that
’sst
range.Howar
eyoubr
eastf
eel
i
ng?
Me:
Abi
ttender
,may
bet
heper
iodi
scomi
ng.
Dr
:al
ri
ght
.
Me:
Whati
sit
?
Dr:I
’
llr
unafewt
estsj
ustt
oruleany
thi
ngout
.Do
youhavey
ourpi
l
lsher
ewithyou?

Inoddedandthenkeptquiet,
Ididn’
tknowwhatwas
goingonandIwasscared.Shedi danult
rasound
andtrue,
Iwasnotpregnant.Shetookmypi l
lsand
gavemenewonest otakeunt i
lshegotbacktome.I
l
eftandwentaboutmyday .

Fri
dayIwaschi l
l
ingathomeinmypaj amas,cryi
ng
onthecouchwat chi
ngMySister’
sKeeper,phone
wasbeepingfrom soci
almedianoti
fi
cati
ons.Iwas
sointothemov i
eandIdidn’
twanttochecksoIleft
i
tli
ket hat
.Thephoneranganditwasal andl
ine,
“Nothandohel
lo?”
Her:Hi MissKhumalo.Sorr
ytocal
lyoubacksol
ate
butIjustgotyourr
esultsandIt
houghtyou’
dwantt
o
know.
Isatup,itmustbei
mportanti
fthedoctorcal
l
edme
atthisti
meoftheni
ght,
“uhm, noit
’sf
ineDoc.Is
theresomethi
ngwrongwithme? ”
Her:Noever
ythi
ngisfine.WhenIaskedyouifyou
weretr
yingf
orababyagai nit’
sbecauseyouwere
ovul
ati
ngwhichshouldn’thappenwhenyou’
reon
somekindofprevent
ion.
Me:
Ok,
sowhatcausesi
t?
Dr:Ir
antest
,evenont
hepil
lsy
ougaveme.Uhm,
theyaref
ert
il
it
ypil
l
sandnotwhaty
outhi
nk.
Me:
Whatdoy
oumeanDoct
or?
Her
:Imeansomeonewant
syoupr
egnant
.
Me:
Uhm,
what
?
Her:
Ican’tj
umptoconcl
usi
ons.Icanonl
yjustgi
ve
youfact
s.Li
stenIhav
etogo,enj
oyyourni
ght.
Me:
Thanky
oudoct
or.Goodni
ght
.

Whenshecutt
hecal
landIwasl
eftt
her
ethi
nki
ng
whatasnakeKhenanwas, Iwassopi ssedof f
becausewehadt hediscussionandhewasonboar d.
Ifeltsobet r
ayed,myf aceheatedandIcoul df
eel the
tearsf i
l
li
ngmyey es.Iquickl
ystoppedt hem before
theycoul descape;Iwentt ohaveaci garett
eout
side.Af t
ermyci garet
teIgotmor eBer ni
ni f
rom the
fri
dgeandsatdown, Iwoulddealwi t
hKhenani nt he
mor ning.AsIsatdownIgotanot hercallitwas
Phume, “heyhoney,noIam notgoi ngoutt oni
ght!”
Her
:HaHa,
aveuphaphakodwa.Uphi
?
Me:
Home,
what
’sup?
Her
:Whyar
eyounotanswer
ingmymessages?
Me:Movie,
sorryIhav
emor
eimpor
tantt
hingst
odo
onaFri
daynight!
Her
:you’r
ereal
funnyar
en’
tyou?Checky
our
messagesandcal
lmeifyouneedme.
Me:
Cool
.
[
11/
23,
17:
22]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode85

Icheckedhermessagesandi
twasagi
rlsi
tt
ingon
Khenan’ slap.Shehadabot t
leofchampagneand
waspour ingiti
ntohismout hwhi l
ehi shandwason
herass.Ther ewerenumer ouspict ur
esl i
ket hat,
oneswi thherki ssi
nghischeekandneck.Theywer e
al
lov ereachot her,angercameandIwai tedf orthe
hurtbuti tdidn’
tcomet ot hepar t
y .Iwasf urious!I
wentupst ai
rsandchangedi ntobl ackleatherpant s
andcombatboot s,ablackpl ainteeandbi kerjacket
andfinishedmyl ookwi t
habl ackbeani e.Ipacked
mycarandheadedf ortheclub.

Iparkedri
ghtinfrontoft
heent r
ance,Johnwalked
overtothecarandknockedont hewindow,“you
can’
tparkhere.”Iopenedthedoor,hewasshocked,
“oh,ThandomustIpar kforyou?”
Me:
Won’
tbenecessar
yIwon’
ttakel
ong.

Iopenedthebootofmymust angandpull
edouta
steel
baseballbatandwentstrai
ghtf
orthedoor.A
bouncerstoodinmywayi nattemptt
ot r
ystoppi
ng
mef r
om enteri
ng.Itur
nedaroundtolookatJohn,
“John? ”Hel ookedatt henewguywhoobv iously
didn’tknowwhoIwas, “Heybuddy ,mov eoutofher
way .
”John’ sv oicewasdeep, stronganddemandi ng.
Theguymov edwi thoutquest ioning.Iwal kedi nto
thecl ubandwal kedupt hest air
st ot heVI Psect ion,I
knewexact l
ywher eKhenanwas.Heusedt hesame
tableev eryt i
mehewasatt hecl ub.Andt herehe
waswi tht hesamegi rl andt heywer epecki ngeach
other’sl ipsIwal kedst raighttot hem t hegi rlwas
l
aughi ngatwhat ev erhewaswhi sper ingi nherear .
WhenIgott ot hetabl et hegi r
llookedatmel ikeI
wasn’ tshi t
,Khenanst oodupatonceandt hegi rlfell
tothef loor ,
“ baby ,whydi dy oudot hat ?Whoi st his?”
shesai dget t i
ngupandKhenandi dn’tanswerherhe
j
ustst aredi nt omyey es.Icoul dn’thol dt hest are, I
l
ookedawayandt ookoneoft heshot sf r
om t he
tableanddr ankt hechampagnest raightf rom the
bottl
e, “ whatdoy out hi nky ou-”Ididn’ twai tforhert o
fi
nishandIsl appedhersohar dshef ellbackont o
thefloor ,“Thando! ”Il ookedatKhenan, “What ?”Ihi t
thegl asst abl ewi t
ht hebat ,shatteringi tintoa
thousandpi eces, “
Uhm?What ??”Iswungt hebatat
him andi tmi ssedhi m, Iswungagai nandhet ooka
fewst epsback.Iwasnextt oanot hertableev er
yone
wasont heirfeetlookingatme, Ismashedt hattabl
e
too.Isawt hebouncer swalki
ngt owardsmei nthe
cornerofmyey e.Ilookedatt hem withf i
reinmy
eyes,IlookedatKhenanwhosi gnaledf orthem to
notstepcl oser.Ev eryoneinVIPwasscr eami ngI
swungmybatatKhenant hist i
mei tl
andedonhi s
shoulder.Hisf acechangedi npainandhehel dont o
hislef
tshoul derwi thhi sr
ighthand, “
Thandocanwe
pleasetalkaboutt his?”Il
ookedathi m, “YOUWANT
TOTALK? ”
Henodded, Ilaughed, Ipickedupagl assfrom
anothertablei tlookedl i
kev odkaandIdownedi t
,
“hewant stot alk.”Isaidtot hegirlwhowassi tti
ngat
thetableandIl aughedev enl ouder,shedidn’t
respond!!Themusi cwasof fnow;Ithrewt heglass
atKhenani tmi ssedhim cr ackingagainstthewall
hisbackwasnowagai nst.Thebouncerf rom outside
start
edwal kingt owar dsme, t
hisfuckerdoesn’t
l
isten.Hewashuge; doublemyhei ghtand5t i
mes
mysi ze.Ishookmyheadathi m buthecont i
nued
walking,Ipull
edoutmygunf rom t
hebackofmy
pantsandpoi
ntedi
tathi
m,“
Khenantel
lyourpi
t-
bul
l
tofuckof,
Isweart
oGodIwil
lshoothi
minthe
head!”
Khenan:
Fuckman,
Duncanshe’
snotbl
uff
ing!
!

Hestoppedi nhistr
acks, “
getev ery
oneoutofher e!
”
thebouncer sst
art
edmov ingpeopleoutoft heclub.
Whenwewer eal
onei ntheVIPsect ionIpointeditto
Khenan, “Why?Whydoy oualway shav etohurtme?
WhymustIal wayscry?!
!Why ? ”Thet ear
sescaped
butIdidn’tl
ookaway ,hest ar
tedutteringsorr
ies,
“ I
didn’
taskf oranapology,Iwanty out oanswermy
fucki
ngquest i
onKhenan! !
”Ihear dshuf f
li
ngbehind
meandi twashisli
ttl
ebitchlookingatus, Ishotat
theceil
ingandshescr eamedwet ti
ngherpant sand
sheranoutoft heclub.
Me: I
sthatwhaty ouwantKhenan?Youwantal l
theseclubrat
s?Youwantt oberunningaroundli
ke
ateenagerwhileI
’m athomewatchingyourchil
dren?
Youwantmet ofallpr
egnantsoyoucandot hi
s
bull
shit
,yesIknowy ouswoppedmypi ll
s.Howcoul d
y
ouafterwhathappened,youknowIcan’thandl
eit
y
et!
!I’
m star
ti
ngtodoubty ouevenloveme,yousay
i
tbutyouract
ionsarethecompleteopposi
te.

Thehur tkickedi nnow, Iputmygunback.Il etouta

sigh, “KhenanIl ovey ousomuch, i
fyoul ovedmet o
youwer egoi ngt otryfi
xt hingsbetweenust wo
weeksago, nott hi
sshit.Khenany oucan’ tgoonlike
this, youhav eaf amily,
theyal readylosttheirmother,
andt heycan’tbewi thKeenan.He’ stheonewho
shoul dber unni ngtheclubsnott heotherway
around.Ican’ tdothiseithery esIgav ether i
ngto
Ler atoaf t
erthemi sunder st
andingbutnowImeani t.
Thi sengagementi sof f
; Icannotbewi t
hachi l
d!I
will sti
llseethechi l
dren, Ican’tl
eavethem.Buty ou
andIar eov er!”

Tearsfi
ll
edhisey es,hecri
edsil
entlyandtr
iedtotal
k,
“savei
tKhenan, you’
retoolat
e.”Iwalkedaway,the
clubwasempt yjustthebouncershangingaround
outsi
de.Theydidn’tspeaktome, Idrovet
omy
house.Igoti nt
ot hekitchenandi mmedi at
elythrew
upint heki t
chensi nk;Ist artedcr yi
ngsohar dand
al
mostscr eami ng.Iwashedt hesi nkandr insedmy
mout handheadedupst airs, t
ookashowerandgot
i
ntobed.Idon’ tknowwhenIsl ept,butIwokeupt he
nextmor ni
ngwi thaheadacheandpuf fyeyes.After
seeingmy selfi
nt hemi rrorIwentst rai
ghtbackt o
bed, Icheckedmyphone.Ihadmi lli
onsofmi ssed
cal
lsf rom Khenan, andat oneofmessages.Idi dn’t
botherr eadingthem, Itossedmyphoneasi deand
wentbackt osleep.Iwaswokenupbymyphone
ri
nging, i
twasAt andwa.Ist ar
tedt hinki
ngifwehada
meet ingtodayandIdon’ tr ecall
,“Hel l
o.”
Hi
m:Di
dIwakey
ou?
Me:
Kindof
,what
’sup?
Him: afewfr
iendsandIar
egoi
ngoutonaboatl
ater
thiseveni
ngandIwaswonderi
ngi
fyoucoul
dbemy
plusone?
Me:I
’
m notr
eall
yint
hemood;
I’
m goi
ngt
ohav
eto
t
akearai
ncheck.
Hi
m:Al
ri
ght
,feel
bet
tert
hen.I
’
llt
alkt
oyoul
ater
.
Me:
Alr
ightcool
.

Threeweeksl atertheconst ruct

ionhadstart
edon
si
teandIwassoexci t
ed, couldn’tmakeoutwhatit
wasbutIwashappy .Atandwa’ steam wasworking
great,andhewassohandson.Wewer espending
mor eandmor et i
met ogetherbecauseIneededt his
fi
nishedbyt heendofJanuar y.Iwasenjoyi
ngit,I
l
ov ewor ki
ngwithsomeonewhoi spassi
onateabout
whatt heydo.Atandwal ov edhiswork.

*
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
*

James:
Sowhatdoy
out
hink?
Me:
Thandowi
l
lnotal
l
owt
hat
.
James:
Shedoesn’
thav
etoknow.
Me: James,
I’
m alreadyintheshitwit
hherandifshe
fi
ndsoutIwill
be10f eetunder
.Sheiscr
azywhen
sheismad,shealreadyal mostshotmeonce,and
I’
m notri
ski
ngit.
James:
Okt
hen,
Khensani
?
Me:
She’
sdead.
James:Youhav
esomet hinki
ngt odobuddy.List
enI
haveanot
hermeet
ing.Letmer un,we’
l
ltal
klater.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ShortI
'
m sor
rycouldn'
tedi
talongposthavi
nga
busyday.Wi
llt
rypostalongeri
nser
tlat
er.
[
11/
23,
17:
23]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode86

*
Sti
l
lKhenan'
sPOV*

Jameswal kedoutofmyof ficeandIpour eda

scotch.Idownediti
nonegul p,grabbedmysui t
j
acketandwentt omycar .Iwentt odoal i
tt
lebitof
shoppingandgotlunchandheadedt oThando’s
offi
ce.Idon’
tknowwhatwasgoi ngoni nmyhead;
thebadpublici
tyshegotfrom thecl ubnightwast oo
much.Butl i
keevery
thi
ngel se,shehandl editwell
.I
don’tknowhowangr yshewasnow, butIjust
couldn’
tstayawayanylonger .
IgreetedNontoatt
herecept
ioni
star
ea;
shealway
s
blushedever
ytimesheseesme, “
MrDeCost
a.”
Me:
Nont
olongt
ime,
howhav
eyoubeen?
Wedi dt
hesmal lt
alkt
hing, “
Isshebackt her
e?”she
nodded;“
withsomeone? ”sheshookherhead,
“pl
easedon’tt
ell
herI’
m her e.”Nontol
ooked
nerv
ous,“shesai
dIshoul dn’tlety
ouinthough.
”
Me:
Ithoughty
ou’
dsayt
hat
.

IslippedheraR20000Loui sVi tt
ongi ftvoucher,“I
thinky ouneedt ogot ot hel adies.”Shel ookedso
guiltybef oresheev ent ooki t,shel ookedatmea
second; shet ookt hecar dandshewal kedaway
from herdesk.Ipi ckedupmypar celsandwal ked
towar dsThando’ sof fi
ce, shehadt hebl i
ndscl osed,
thatmeantshedi dn’twantt obedi sturbed.Atl east
thatconf i
rmedt hatshehadn’ teat en, somay beshe
wasn’ tgoi ngt okillme.Shewast alkingsoIguess
shewasont hephone, Iopenedt hedoorsl owly
tryi
ngi tnotmakeasound.Shewasst andinglooking
outt hewi ndowonhercor dlessphoneandhadher
backt ome.Shewasl ooki ngal lOlivi
aPopel i
ke.She
hadahi ghwai stsuitpant , whichshowedof fher
per f
ectass, withanof fwhi teblouseand6i nch
heel s.Istil
ldon’tknowhowshecanwal kinthose;
herhai rwasi nashor tgreyandpur plebob.Myhear t
sank, theysaywhenawomancut sherhai r
,thenshe
i
smaki ngchangesi nherl i
fe,andIwashopi ngI
wasn’ tt hechange.
Shepacedalongt hewindowandt hent urnedaround
andsawmest andingt
here,“
uhm, Mr .KhanI ’
m
goi
ngt ohavetogetbackt oyou,myoneo’ cl
ockjust
arr
ive…ha,wil
ldoMr .Khan.Thanky ouv erymuch;
youhaveyourselfagooddaynow…al ri
ghtby e”
Sheendedhercal landmadeherwayt oherdesk
andputt hephoneinitscradl
e,shel ookedatme,
“hi
.”Ismiled,
Icouldn’thel
pitbutshewasso
beauti
fulandthesightofherjustlightensupmy
mood.“ Howar eyou?”Shekeptast r
aightface,“I
’
m
alr
ight,
andcanIhel pwi t
hanything?”Ok, Iwashurt,
“canItalktoyou,andit’
sabouttheki ds.”She
nodded;Iundidmyj acketandsatopposi t
eher,sti
ll
smili
ng.Shewasl ookingatme, Iknowt hatl
ook,and
shewaschecki ngmeout .
Her
:Ist
her
esomet
hingwr
ong?
Me:Notreal
ly,
I’
m heret
oaskaf avorofyouact
ual
l
y.
Butf
ir
stl
ylunch,Iknowyouhav
en’teaten.
Her
:Andy
ouknowt
hishow?
Me:
Thebl
i
nds(
shr
ugged)y
ouhav
en’
tlef
ttheof
fi
ce
ev
ersi
ncey
ougother
e.
Her
:Youknowmet
oowel
l
,sowhatdi
dyoubr
ing?
Me:
Chi
nese.

Asmi l
ecreptov erher,ping,
10points!It
ookthe
foodoutandhandedherher s,It
ookmi neandwe
star
tedeat i
ngandt al
kingaboutworkandherpr oject.
Shewasn’ tfri
endl ybutshewasconv ersi
ngsoIf eltI
wassaf e,Itookt hegiftbagonthefloorandplaced
i
tont hetable,“Isawt hisandthoughtyou’dl
i
kei t…”
Her
:Khenan,
Ican’
twear
-
Me:
It’
sjustagi
ft
,Iwantnot
hingi
nret
urn.

Shesighedandopenedt hebagandtookoutthe
shoebox, herf
aceli
ghtenedupwhenshesawi twas
Christ
ianLoubout
in.Shepausedandlookedatme,
“openit.
”Sheopeneditandsheletoutasqueal
,“oh
my ,Il
ovethem.Thanky ou.
”Sheki
ckedoffherheel
s
andputt henewonesonandshewal kedarounda
biti
nthem.WhenshesatdownIst ar
ted,“
nowthat
I
’
vebribedyou,
”shegavemet
helook,
“ha,
seri
ously
t
hough.Iwanttoaskyout
omovebacktothehouse.
Her
:KhenanIcannotdot
hat
.It
’sj
ustt
ooear
ly.
Me:
I’
ll
mov
eout
.I’
l
lst
ayatt
hepent
house.
Her
:Why
Me:thechil
drenneedy ou.Nothi
ngIdoi
severgood
enough.I
’
m constantl
yr emindedhowmuchbett
er
youareateveryt
hing.
Her:Thi
sistr
ue.Butit
’sst
il
lano.Igothel
p;she
shouldbedoi
ngallofthat
.
Me:
Theydon’
twanther
,theywanty
ou.
Her:KhenanIam notgoingtochangemymi nd, I
’
m
verybusyandIdon’thav
et i
me.Iworkalotwith
Atandwa, atmyhouseorhishouseandIcan’tbri
ng
himtoy ourhouse,
hecan’tbearoundt
hechildren.
I
’m sorr
y ,
whydon’tyoufl
yKali
sain?
Me:
Uhm,
theyj
ustwant
edy
ou.
Her:
ontheday
sIam f
reeIcanhel
pout
.ButIwi
l
l
notmov
ein.
Hi
m:Soar
eyougoi
ngt
opuni
sht
hechi
l
dren?
Her
:Idi
dn’
tdothi
s,y
oudi
d.Ican’
t,
I’
dli
key
out
o
l
eavenowpl
ease.

Ist
oodupf eel
i
ngdef
eat
ed,
“thanky
ouf
orseei
ngme,
we’
llt
alk.
”
Her
:Al
ri
ght
,by
e.

*
***
***
***
***
***
*Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

WhenKhenanl eftmyof f
ice,Isankinmychair.Ifel
t
badf orsayi
ngno, butIhadt oputmyf ootdown,and
i
ft hatmeanst hekidssufferthensobeit.Wear ein
thi
ssi t
uati
onbecauseofKhenanandheneedst ofi
x
thi
ngs, Iwi
llnotl
ett hi
ssli
deeasi l
y.Iwasdeepin
thoughtwhenmyphoner ang, i
twasAtandwa,
“after
noon.”
Hi
m:I
ndi
anorThai
?
Me:
Tool
ate,
justhadl
unchwi
thKhenan.
Hi
m:Oh

Hesoundeddi
sappoi
nted,
“butIf
eel
li
keThai
t
oni
ght.
”
Hi
m:OhmygoshNot
handoKhumal
o,ar
eyouaski
ng
meoutonadat
e?
Me:
No,
justshi
ft
ingl
uncht
odi
nner
.

Webot hl
aughed,
“Hav
eyousor
tedt
hingsoutwi
th
Khenan?”
Me:
No,
butwe’
reci
vi
l.
Hi
m: That
’sgood,
it’
sast
art
.Youcant
ell
meabouti
t
l
ater
.
Me:
Cool
,yourpl
aceofmi
ne?
Hi
m:Yi
ndees
Me:
Ilov
ethatpl
ace!
!You’
repay
ing…hahaha
Hi
m:Seey
oul
ater
.
Me:
Bye.
Icouldn’twor
kaf t
erallofthat
,Ipackedmyst uffand
l
eft.Nont owasonherphonewhenIgott othe
recepti
onarea.Iputmybagsont hefloorandstared
ather,shewasf eel
inguncomf or
tableandshe
endedt hecal
learly
,“goinghomeal r
eady?”
Me:
Howmuch?
Her
:Whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?
Me:
Don’
tmakemeaskagai
n.
Her
:R20000LVv
oucher
.
Me:Snake,
yousoldmeoutf
orahandbag.Icoul
d
hav
egottenyouone.
Her
:YouknowMr
.DeCost
acanbesoconv
inci
ng.
Me:
You’r
eweak.Hol
dmycal
l
s;t
ransf
ert
he
i
mport
antonest
omycel
l
.
Her
:I’
m sor
ry.
Me:
ByeJudas.
Il
aughedl
oudwalki
ngt
ot heelev
ator
;Igoti
nand
wi
nkedatherast
hedoorsclosed
Iwentt oKhenan’shouseandl ucki
lyhewasn’tther
e
butthekidswer eexcit
edt oseeme.It ookmyshoes
offatthedoorandgav eev ery
oneahug, “
ThankGod
you’
reher eMaryjuststartedcooking.”ImustadmitI
havemi ssedthi
s,“whyar ey oustandingther
e,
come.”Shedr aggedmet ot hekit
chenwher eIf
ound
Marychoppi ngvegetables,“heyMar y
.”
Mar
y:Howar
eyou?
Me:Goodt
hanks,
howaboutIr
eli
evey
ou?I
’
llcook
supper
.
Mar
y,I
’
veal
readyst
art
ed.
Me:Comeon,
puty
ourf
eetuphav
eagl
assofwi
ne,
I
goti
t.

Shesighedandputdownt heknifeandwalkedoutof
thekit
chen.Shedidn’
tseem happyatall
.Icooked
whil
eLakhiweandKhany iweretel
li
ngmeabout
every
thingthatwasgoingonintheirl
i
ves.Imade
suretheyatethei
rsupperandIbathedKhanyiand
putheri
nherpajamas.Iwasjustabouttol
eave
whenAtandwacalledsayi
ngheisrunningl
ate,he
wasgoingtobri
ngsuppertomyhouse.SoIst ayed
foranot
herhourandthenwenthome.

Ishoweredandchangedi
ntocasual
,Ipoppedopen
abottl
eofwine.Iwai
tedf
orAtandwawhilewatchi
ng
theTopGear.
WhenAtandwaar
ri
vedhetookhisshoesoffatt
he
doorandwal
kedi
nwithpacket
soffood,Il
ookedat
hi
m.
Me:
Youhav
egott
obeki
ddi
ngme.
Hi
m:Idi
dn’
tknowwhaty
ouwant
ed.
Me:
Ok,
isi
tst
il
lwar
m?
Him:Don’tthi
nkso,y
ou’r
ethewoman.Sorti
tout
,I
needthetoil
etandpl
easehaveabeerr
eadyforme
whenI’m done.
Heranoutt
hekit
chen,“I
’
m notyourwi
fe!
”Ishouted
af
terhi
m.Iwarmedupev er
ythi
ngandsetupinthe
l
oungeonthecof
feetabl
e,wehadsupperwatching
mor
eepi
sodesofTopGear
.
Hi
m:Woul
dyouwantt
ogot
oashowi
ftheycame?
Me:Yeah,I
’v
ealway
swant
edt
ojustnev
ergot
tent
he
oppor
tuni
tyto.
Him:
Ok,
BMW M Fest
ival
lat
eroninthey
ear
.Woul
d
youl
i
ket
ojoi
nmeandmybuddi es?
Me:
Hel
lyeah.Iwoul
dlov
eto.
Hi
m:I
t’
sinJHBt
hough.
Me:
That
’sal
ri
ght
.

Wetalkedsomemor e,
unt
ilherecei
vedacall.I
t
seemedurgentandhehadtorushoff.Icl
eanedup
andwenttobed.

3dayshadgonebyandIhadn’ tspokentoAtandwa,
hewasn’tonsit
e,Idr
ovetohishouseandhewasn’ t
ther
eeither
.Al
lhisphoneswereoff,Iwasaboutto
dri
veoffandIsawacardr i
vei
ntothedr i
veway,Ir
an
uptothecarasthegatewasopening, “
hima’am.”I
t
wasal
i
ghtski
nnedl
ady
;shewasabout26y
ear
sol
d.
Her
:Hi
,canIhel
pyou?
Me:
Yes,I
’m af
ri
endofAt
andwa.Ihaven’
tseenhi
m
i
nawhil
esomay bey
ouknowwher eheis.

Shel
etoutasi
gh,
“fr
iend?Ar
eyouhi
sgi
rl
fr
iend?
”
Me:
No,
we’
rewor
kingonapr
ojectt
oget
her
.
Her
:Hmm,
he’
satt
hehospi
tal
.
Me:
What
?Whi
chone?
Her
:Chr
ist
ianBar
nar
d.
Me:
Thanky
ousomuch.

Iwentt
omycarandheadedt
othehospi
tal
,Igott
o
ther
ecept
ioni
st.
Me:
Hi,
I’
mlooki
ngf
orapat
ient
,At
andwa.
Her
:Sur
name?
Me:
Nkwal
i
.
Shety
pedonhercomput
er,
“theonl
ypersonIcan
fi
ndundert
hesur
nameisZi
pho.ButnotAtandwa.
”
Me:
Room?
Anot hernur sesai dshei sgoi ngt her esosheof f
ered
tot akemet here.Shel eftmei nfrontofapr i
vate
room.WhenIl ookedi n, therewasay ounggi r
lonthe
bedat tachedt omachi nes.Myhear tsankwhenI
sawAt andwawal kingt owar dsthebedl ookingli
ke
deat h;i
twasast houghhehadagedadecade.He
restedhi sheadont hebedhol di
ngt hegi rl
shand, I
tookadeepbr eathandputmyhandont hehandle
butIf eltahandonmyar m pulli
ngmeawayf r
om the
door .“Ucingaukubauy aphi?”Itur nedt oseet he
womanIsawbackatt hehousest andi ngthere,Ij
ust
froze,“familyonl ysisi
.”Shewal kedi n,shehugged
him andhandedhi m aduf fl
ebag.Ist eppedaway
from ther oom andheadedhome, Iwassohur t
.Was
thathiswi feanddaught er?Hi sgirlfri
endandbaby
mama?Myhear tsank, Ifeltbetray ed.Itoldhim
ev eryt
hingaboutmeandkeptsomet hinghugeaway
from me.
Igoti
nbedandtossedandtur
nedandcouldn’
t
sl
eep,Iwentt
ocook.Thent
hebuzzerwentoff
,I
openedupitwasJames.
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwant
?
Him:Khenanaskedmetoaskyoutosi
gnsome
contr
actstot
ransf
ert
hegl
asshousei
ntoy
ourname
off
ici
all
y.
Me:Whatisthi
sreal
l
yaboutJames,
I’
m noti
nthe
moodforKhenan’
sbull
shi
t.
Hi
m:ThandodoIl
ookl
i
keI
’
m exci
tedt
obeher
e?

Ipickedupt hecontractandreadthefr
ontand
i
ndeedi twasat ransferofproper
ty,
“wheredoI
sign?”hetoldmewher etosignandini
ti
al,
aft
era
good5mi nutesofsigningIhandedhimthepaper
s,
“Iwantcopiesoft hi
s.”
James:Don’
twor r
yoncethepr
ocessi
scompl
eteI
’
ll
bri
ngtheori
ginal
sandti
tl
edeed.
Me:
Ist
hatal
l
?
Henoddedandl eft,
Icookedaf eastbyt het imeI
wasdoneIwasn’ tevenhungry.Idishedupi ce
cream andwatchedTV.Ifell
asleepont hecouch
andwaswokenupbysomeoneshaki ngme.I
openedmyey esandAt andwawaskneel ingnextt o
mewaki ngmeup, “Thando”hewhi spered.Myey es
tooksometimet oadjustt
othel i
ght.Iev entuall
ysat
upandhegotupt ositacr
ossmeont het able.
Hi
m:I
’
m sor
ryt
owakey
ou.
Me:I
t’
salri
ght
,whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
eint
hemi
ddl
e
oft
henight
.

Hecamet ositnexttomeandgav emeahug, “I

’v
e
mi ssedy
ou, I’
m sorryI
’vebeenunreachabl
eIhada
fami l
ycr
isi
s.”Ilookedathim,“yeahIknow,howis
Ziphodoing?”hepul l
edawayf r
om meandl ookedat
meshocked, “
Iwasatt hehospital
,andyourwi
fe
toldmetol eave.”
Him:wi
fe?Ha,youmustbet
alki
ngaboutNol
unt
u.
That
’smysist
er.
Me:
Oh,
andt
hel
i
ttl
egi
rl
?

Heputhi
sfaceinhi
shands,Ihear
dhi
m sniff
ingand
Ij
usthel
dhim.Hecalmeddownandeventuall
y
cameoutofhi
shidi
ng,“
she’
smydaughter.”
Me:
I’
m sosor
ry,
whathappened?
Him:Hergr
andpar
ent
sleftheral
one,shet
ri
edt
o
cookandshesett
hehouseonf i
re.
Me:
Mywor
d,i
ssheokt
hough?
Hi
m: She’
salri
ght
;theyaresti
l
ltr
yingtocleart
he
smokefrom herl
ungs.Butshewil
l bef
ine.
Me:
That
’sgoodnews,
I’
m gl
adshei
sal
ri
ght
.

Hegavemealook,“
what’swr
ong?
”Ishookmyhead,
“
nothi
ng,
hav
ey oueaten?
”
Hi
m:Nope,
I’
m st
arv
ed.
Me:
Fol
l
owme.
Wewenti
ntothekit
chenandIprepar
edourf
ood,
“
didy
oureal
lythi
nkIhadasecretwif
e?”
Me:
Youhav
easecr
etdaught
er,
sowhynot
?
Hi
m:Thati
sdi
ff
erent
.
Me:
Hm.
Him:Thando,mywi f
ediedgivi
ngbirthtomy
daught
er.Wewer en’
tevenmarriedforaweekandI
l
osther,t
omakemat ter
sworsemywi f
e’sfamily
wantednothi
ngtodowi thmeandt ookmychi l
d
awayfrom me.Ionlyseeheronceamont h.How
wasIsupposedtosayt hat
?Howdoesonest ar
tthe
topi
c?
Me:
I’
m sor
-
Hi
m:don’
tbesor
ry,
what
’sdonei
sdone.
Me:
Whydi
dyoul
ett
hem keephert
hough?
Him:Ididn’tt
hinkIwasgoingtobeabl et
otakecar
e
ofheri
nt hedev ast
ati
ngstateIwasin.afew
monthslaterwhenIcamet omysensesIwant edmy
daught
erbackt heywouldn’tl
etme,andIjust
coul
dn’ttakemyi n-
lawstocourt
.
Iwalkedar oundt hekitchencount erandhuggedhi m.
Iputmyar msar oundhi m, “I’
m sosor ry.”Wehugged
forawhi l
e, whenIpul l
edbackhest i
ll
hel dontomy
waistandl ookedatme.Hel eanedi nalittl
ecloser
andthenhel etgoofme, mybodywashotal lover
andmyhear twasbeat ingatanaccel eratedrate
“Uhm, Ineedt hebat hr
oom. ”Ilefthim si
t t
ingthere
andhidi nthebat hroom f oral i
ttl
ewhi l
e, whenI
cameouthewasi nthel ounge, “yourfoodi sthi
s
side.
”Heshout edf orme.If loppedont hecouch
nexttohim, “ Igotchampagnef oryou,didn’tknow
whaty oufeltl iket oday.”
Me:
Champagnei
sgood,
andwhati
stoni
ght
’smov
ie?
Hi
m:Al
l
ied.

Weat ewatchi
ngthemov i
einsil
enceanddr
inki
ng,
hehel dmyhandandkissedmycheek,“I
’
m notsorr
y
forwhatIdidi
ntheki
tchen,I
’m sor
ryIdi
dn’
tfol
low
through.
”
Idi
dn’
tlookathi
m,Idi
dn’
tanswerhi
m.Wewat
ched
t
herestoft
hemov
iei
nsi
l
ence,
ourhandsst
il
l
i
nter
twi
ned.

Ifellasl
eepduri
ngthemov i
e;Iwokeupint he
mor ningonthecouchwithAtandwawrapped
aroundmybody .Itri
edtogetupbuthetightenedhi
s
griparoundmywai st
,“At
andwawhatarey ou
doing? ”
Hi
m:5mor
emi
nut
es.
Me:
Ata-
Hi
m:Shh.
.It
’st
ooear
ly!

Il
etoutasi
gh,andrel
axedmybodyandf el
lbackt
o
sl
eep.WhenIwokeuphewasn’tther
eandt he
housewasempty.Idi
dmymor ni
ngrout
ineand
workedf
rom home,Malusi
cal
l
edme.
Me:
Whathav
eIgonebr
oke?
Him:Thandot
hisi
sn’
tat
imet
ojoke,
Ineedt
osee
you.
Me:
Whathappened,
yousoundser
ious.
Hi
m:Cany
oucomet
omyof
fi
ce?
Me:
Sur
ewhen?
Hi
m:Whenev
ery
oucan.
Me:
Alr
ightgi
vemeanhour
.

IwasworriedMal usiandIhardl
yseeeachot her
.I
hadn’
tmadeanypur chasesorinvestmentslatel
yI
usedmyf ather
s’moneyf oreveryt
hing.Igotdressed
andheadedt otheDel oi
tt
eoffi
cesandwal kedt o
Malusi
’
sof fi
ce,“I
’
m her e,what
’sgoingon?”
Him:HiMalusi
,Ihaven’
tseeny
ouinalongtime.I
’
m
sorr
yIbecameabi gshotandf
orgotmyfr
iend.

Ilaughedbecausehewasr ight,
Mal usiandIhav e
beenf ri
endssi nceMatri
candIhav ebeennegl ecti
ng
him.Istretchedoutmyar ms, “
comeher eyou.”He
smi l
edandwehugged.Wesatdownandt alkedabit,
catchingup, “
oknowt hereasony ou’r
ehere.”He
turnedthescr eentofaceme, myey esopenedwi de.
Whatt
hef
uck,
hel
ookedatmequest
ioni
ngl
y.
Me:Idon’
thav
eananswerf
ory
oucany
ounott
race
i
t?
Hi
m:Ohf
ri
endt
hat
’snotwher
eitends.
Me:
Ther
eismor
e,whatel
se?
Him:Car
s, houses,l
i
keshity
ouwer
eri
chbef
ore,
you’
rest
inkingfucki
ngr
ich.
Me:
Houseswher
e?
Hegav
ememypr
ofi
l
e,f
uckKhenan!
!
Me:
Myf
iancé,
wel
lexf
iancé.
Hi
m:Butwhy
?
Me:
How?Ineedt
ohav
eagr
eedt
othi
sri
ght
?
Hi
m:Yeah.
Me:
CanIr
etur
nit
?
Hi
m: Themoneyy
eah,
butev
ery
thi
ngel
seheneeds
t
osignfori
t.
Me:
Buthegav
eitt
omewi
thout
…..Shi
tJames!
Istoodup,“I
’
lltalkt oyoulat
er.”Iranoutofhisoffi
ce
andheadedst raighttoJames’ offi
ce,will
dealwith
Khenanlater
.Iar riv
edatJames’ off
iceanddidn’t
evenspeaktohi sr ecept
ioni
stIwentst rai
ghtforhim
off
ice,“
youcan’ tjustwalkinhere.”Sheshouted
aft
erme, Iwalkedi ntohi
sof f
iceandl ucki
lyhedidn’
t
haveaclient
,“Itriedtostophersi r.
”
James:
It’
sal
ri
ghtSuzanshe’
saf
ri
end.
Ipoutedandgav
eherthel
ookandshelef
t,It
urned
aroundandangr
yfi
l
ledmyface,
“youwanttoget
disbar
red?
”
James:
ThandoIdon’
treadmi
nds,
comeoutwi
thi
t.
Me:Youknowexact
lywhatI
’
mtal
ki
ngabout
.Ij
ust
wantt
oknowwhy ?
Hi
m: BecauseKhenanlovesyousomuchandhe
want
st ogiveyouever
ythi
ng,Ist
oppedhi
mfrom
gi
vi
ngy ouhishear
tthough.Ha,f
orobvi
ousr
easons.
Me:
Thi
sisal
lfunnyt
oyou?
Hi
m: Thando,
hewantedt
ogi
veyoutheset
hings.
Maybeheistryi
ngt
omakeamends.
Me:Wit
hmateri
alt
hings?Somet
hingi
sgoi
ngon
her
eandI’
m goi
ngtofindout
.

Ist ormedoutt heoffi

cedramat i
cally;Iwentt omy
caranddr ovehome.Icalledmyl awy erwhenIgot
home; hewasgoi ngtogett hetit
ledeedsand
ev eryt
hingf r
om Jamest overif
yifev eryt
hingwas
l
egi t.Hedi dconfi
rmthatIwoul dn’tbeabl eto
transferany t
hingbackwithouthissi gnature.Wecut
thecal l,
Itextedthegir
lsforthem tocomeov erl
ater
andev eryoneagreedwhichwasgr eatbecauseIj ust
neededt ogetthisshi
toffmymi nd.

Idashedtot hemal landboughtev ery

thingIneeded
formyimpr ompt upar t
y.Ipackedmybootandwent
i
nsidetogett healcohol,funnyIspot t
edal adyIwas
withatWool worths.Butshewasn’ tcarryi
ngany
packetsthough; Il
eftitandstartedfil
li
ngmyt rol
ley
withchampagneandwi ne.Fewt hingstomake
cocktai
lsandt hat’
swhent heladyappr oachedme,
“Thando?TheChefr ight?”Ihateitwhenpeopl e
recogni
zeyou,l
ikeespeci
all
ytodaybecauseIwas
alr
eadyannoyed.Ismil
ed,“
yes,that
’sme.”
Her:I
’m sor
rytoint
err
uptyouwhil
ey ou’
redoi
ngy
our
shoppi
ng.Ijusthadtosayhi
,I
’m suchafan.
Me:
Thanky
ou,
ver
ymuchappr
eci
ated.
Her
:Youshouldopenarestaur
antinJHB,peopl
e
woul
dlov
eit.All
ofmyf r
iendseatatyourpl
acesi
f
we’
rei
ntownori nDur
ban.
Me:
I’
ll
def
ini
tel
yconsi
deri
t.
Her
:CanIgetapi
ctur
e?

IhateHowpeopl
ethi
nkHoweasyi
tist
ojust'
opena
rest
aurant'

Wet ookapi ct
ure,Ipai
dandwentt oMrPri
cehome
togetl i
tt
ledri
nkdecorat
ions,Isawthel
adywal
k
passt heshop.Wasshef oll
owingme?Iwas
i
nterruptedbyAtandwa’scall
,“hey
.”
Me:
Heyt
oyou.
Hi
m:I
’
m aty
ourhouse.
Me:
I’
ll
behomeinabout15mi
ns.I
’
llcal
ltheguar
ds
t
oopenfory
ou.
Hi
m:Cool
.

Idroppedt hecall andf el

tbutterfl
i
esi nmyt ummy ,
whatwast hisboydoi ngt ome?Idr ovehomeandhe
wassi tt
ingbyt hedoorwai ti
ngf orme, hegotupas
hesawmedr iveup, asmi lecreptont omyf ace.He
wassmi l
ing,hehadt hemostper f
ectcr ookedt eet
h,
andhewaswear ingav estandshor ts,withhis
scruffybeard.Thismanwasj usthotthough, he
gavemeahugassoonasIst eppedoutoft hecar .
Hepi ckedmeupandswungmear oundabi tandput
medown.Hewassot all
wel ookedl i
keWi nniet he
Poohandpi glet
,justlessr ound.Hehel pedmewi t
h
thebags, “ar
ewehav i
ngapar ty?”
Me:
‘I
’am hav
ingapar
ty

Imadesur
eIputanemphasi
sonme,
excl
udi
nghi
m.
Weputev
ery
thi
ngi
ntheki
tchen,
“so?
”
Hi
m:Sowhat
?
Me:
Whaty
oudoi
ngher
e?
Hi
m:CanInotcomeseey
ou?
Me:
Youj
ustcamef
orasoci
alv
isi
t?
Hi
m:Yeah.
Me:
Ok,
how’
sZi
pho?
Hi
m: Bett
er,
theyhavetakenafewofthose
machinesoffher
,andsheisnowconscience.So
gr
eat.
Me:That
’sgood,
andhergr
andpar
ent
s?Hav
eyou
spokent
othen?
Him:Nope,Ibannedt
hem fr
om comi
ngt
othe
hospi
tal
.I’
m donewit
hthem.
Me:
Soy
ougoi
ngt
otakeherhomewi
thy
ou?
Hi
m:Yes,
I’
m set
ti
ngupt
her
oom aswespeak.
Me:
That
’sl
ovel
y,I
’
m happyf
ory
ou!
Hi
m:I
’
m scar
edt
hough,
Ihav
en’
tli
vedwi
thany
onei
n
7y
ear
s.
Me:Youwilladj
ust,i
twi
ll
taket
imeobv
iousl
y.You’
re
herf
ather
,thist
hingcomesnat
ural
.
Hi
m: Ihopeso,enoughboutt
hat
.Any
thi
ng
i
nter
esti
ngtoday?
Me:
Yeah,
I’
m ar
ich!
Hi
m:Iknowt
hat
,li
keser
iousl
y.
Me:Ok,
li
kef
il
thyst
inkingrich.Li
keI
’
m goi
ngt
oneed
For
bestowr
it
eanar t
icle.
Hi
m:HaHaHa…What
’st
heheadl
i
ne?
Me: I
’
m bei
ngser
ious.Khenant
ransf
err
edallhi
s
assetst
ome,whenIsayallImeanevery
thi
ng.

Hel
ookedatmeconf
used,
“whywoul
dhedot
hat
?”
Me:
Beat
sme,
Ihav
en’
tfi
gur
edi
touty
et.
Hi
m:Thati
sext
remel
yst
rangeImustsay
.
Me:
Tel
lmeabouti
t!Butt
hat
’swhathappened.
Hi
m:Hm,
any
way
sneedhel
pset
ti
ngupf
orourpar
ty?
Me:
Mypar
ty!
Hi
m:Yeaht
hat
!
Me:
Cany
oumakecockt
ail
s?
Him:Ohhoneyy
ou’
vecometotheri
ghtper
son.(
He
sai
dinagayvoi
ceandvoi
ceandIcoul
dn'
thel
pbut
l
aughoutl
oud)

Wewer ei
nthekit
chenmakingprepar
ati
ons,
ifI
tast
edanymorecockt
ail
sIwasgoingtoendup
drunkbef
oret
hegirl
sgothere.
Hi
m:Onel
astone.
Hetookast ept owar dsme; Ishookmyhead, “don’
t
makemef orcethisdowny ourthroat
.YouknowI ’m
capable.
”Irant otheot hersideoftheisl
and,he
chasedmear oundt hekitchenti
llhegrabbedmei n
hi
sar mstryi
ngt of orcemet odr i
nkthecocktai
l.We
wereinter
ruptedbysomeonecl eari
ngtheirv
oicewe
l
ookedup.

Me:
Uhm,
Mbal
ihi
.
Her
:Hi
toy
out
oo.
Me:
Don’
tgi
vemet
hatl
ook?
Her:Whatlook?ThelookthatIj
ustf
oundmybest
fr
iendplay
inginherki
tchenwithani
ggerwhoisn’
t
herfi
ancé?Isthatt
helookyou’r
etal
kingabout
?
Me:Rude!Mbali
thisisAtandwa,myf
ri
endandwe’r
e
worki
ngtoget
her.Atandwathisi
sMbali
,myrude
bestf
ri
end.

Atandwareachedouthishandt oshakeherhand
andshejustlookedathi
m, “ar
ey outwofucki
ng?”
Helookedathershocked,“nowear en’
t.
”
Mbal
i
:Yet
?
At
andwa:
Notsur
eIf
oll
ow.
Mbal
i
:Mxm

Shetur
nedtome,“youhaveanythi
ngtodrink?I
t’
s
beenmonths,
thi
smommyneedsherj ui
ce.”Shesat
downonthebarstool
,theener
gyintheroom was
j
ustawkward.Mbali
canbeat ot
albi
tchsometi
mes,
At
andwaalwayshasacomebackbutt odaynothing.
Hepouredacocktai
lforherandshetookasip,
“ so
At
andwa,whatisi
tthatyoudo? ”
Atandwa:I
’mint
olandscapear
chi
tect
ure,
and
constr
uct
ion.
Mbal
i
:Andhowdi
dyoumeetThando?
Hi
m:shei
smycl
i
ent
.
Her
:Andt
hisi
swhaty
oudowi
thal
lyourcl
i
ent
s?
Hi
m:No.
Her
:JustThando?
Hi
m:Pr
ett
ymuch.
Her
:Andwhatdoesy
ourwi
fet
hinkabouti
t?
Hi
m:Idon’
tknow,
buti
fyoureal
lywanttofi
ndout
wecandi
gherupandaskher.I
fit
’st
hatimpor
tant
t
oyou.

Istoodther
eshocked,
Mbal
ichokedonherdr
ink,
“I
’m sor
ry.
”
Him:Youar
en’
t,
youwant
edar
eact
iont
her
eyou
havei
t.

Het urnedt
ofaceme,“
Imustcheckonmydaught
er,
I
’l
ltalktoyoul
ater
.”
Me:
I’
ll
wal
kyouout
.
Iwal kedhimtothecarapol ogi
zingforMbal i
’s
behav ior
.Heleanedinagav emeaki ss,thi
stimehe
planteditonmyl i
ps.Itwasasi mplebabyki ss,butI
feltelect
ri
cit
ygot hr
oughmyent i
rebody .He
brushedmycheekandki ssedmyheadandl eft
.I
wassmi li
ngall
thewayi nside,
Igottot hekit
chen
andgav eMbalit
helook,“ y
ou’r
ehappynow? ”
Mbal
i
:Thandodon’
tbel
i
ket
hat
.
Me:
HowmustIbe?
Mbali
:Howdoyouexpectmetobe,whenIwalki
n
her
eandyourwi
thanothermanbesi
desKhenan?
Me: Mbali
don’
ttel
lmethatr
ubbi
sh,
yousawthe
rubbi
shKhenanhasbeendoingt
omethepassed
coupleofmont
hs.Thati
ssomebull
shi
t.
Mbal
i
:Itdoesn’
tmeany
ouhav
etobehav
eli
kehi
m!
Me: SoImustn’thavefr
iends?Not
hingi
shappening
betweenus.he’sagreatguy,hemakesmel augh
andIenjoyspendingti
mewi thhi
m.butI’
m sti
lli
n
l
ov ewithKhenan,Ij
ustneedhimtogethisact
together
.
[
11/
23,
17:
23]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode87

Luckilythebuzzerwentof fbefor
eshecoul dsay
anything,i
twast herestofthegirl
s,wesetup
outside.Wedr ankandt al
keduntill
ate.Thi
swas
exactlywhatIneeded, every
oneleftandIwentt o
bed.Iwokeupar oundt hr
eetouset hebathroom,
whenIgotbackt obedIr eceiv
edamessagef rom
Khenan:
Thandomyl ove,
rememberIaskedy outomov einto
thehouse?I ’
m aski
ngy ouonelastt
ime,thechi
ldren
real
l
yneedy ou.I
’m goi
ngawayf orawhileandI
don’
tknowwhenI ’l
lbeback.UsethemoneyIgav e
toyoutot akecareofmybabies.ShouldInotmake
i
tback,justknowt hatIlov
eyouwi t
hallofmyhear t
,
Ineverstoppedandnev erwil
l
.Ididn’
tcheatonyou
wit
hal l
oft hosegir
ls;
Ineedyoutobelieveme.I
wouldnev erdoanythi
ngtohurtyouintent
ional
l
y.I
l
ovey outoi nf
ini
tyandbeyond.

Isatthereandreadt hemessageagai n,It

ri
edt ocall
him butitwentstraighttov oicemai lIwaspani cki
ng.
Itri
edt ocal
lKeenan, andstil
l nothi
ng.Whatt hef uck,
wherewashegoi ng?Hi stextsoundedl ikea
goodby e.It
ri
edthem agai nandst i
l
lnothing,Itri
ed
togetsomesl eepandIcoul dn’tIgotoutofbed
around5t ookashowerandwentt ohishouse.
Everyonewasst i
llsleeping,IcheckedKeenan’ s
room andhewasn’ tthere.Igott othemai nbedr oom
andf oundKhanyial oneont hel argebed, Khenan
hadbeeni nbedwi thher .Hissi dewasmessy .

Sohewasgoneandtherewasnowayofmegetting
ahol
dofhim.Khenanalway
sdidthi
stome;
thr
ow
meinthedeependwit
houtconsi
der
ingmyf
eel
ings.
Theki
dswereoholi
dayfor2weekssowedi
dal ot
offunacti
vi
ti
esweev enfl
ewtoDurban.Theyar
ea
handful
,andIwasgladwhenschoolsr
eopened.
Khenanwasst i
l
lnotbackanditwasal
mostamonth
nowwi t
houtcommunicati
onandIwasgetti
ng
worri
ed.

Af
terdroppingthechil
drenofIwentt
oSpha’
swork
pl
ace.Iwalkedinwithbreakf
astandhesmil
ed,
“how
di
dyouknow? ”
Me:
Iknowy
out
oowel
l
.

Hegotupandgav
emeahug, Isati
nhi
schai
rli
ke
ol
dti
mesandhesatopposi
teme.
Hi
m:Sowhatdoy
ouneedhel
pwi
tht
oday
?
Me:Whosai
dIneededany
thi
ng?Can’
tIj
ustv
isi
tmy
f
ri
end?
Hi
m:Iknowy
out
oowel
l
,come.

Wecl
ear
edouthi
sdeskandwewentt
ohi
scar
,and
drov
et ot
hatdodgehouse.I
nsi
de,
Phi
l
awaschi
l
li
ng
topl
ess,“
real
l
ydude.
”
Phi
l
a:Idi
dn’
tknowy
ou’
rebr
ingi
ngy
ourgi
rl
fr
iend.
Spha:
Don’
thav
etheener
gyt
oday
.

Igr
eetedPhil
aandSphal edmetotheirboardr
oom,
Phi
lawalkedinweari
ngashirtt
hist
ime.Spha
swit
chedont hescr
eenanditwasapictureof
Khenanbeingabductedatt
heair
portaft
erlandi
ngi
n
Cuba.
Me:
Whendi
dthi
shappen?
Spha:
Aboutaweekandahal
fago.
Me:Thet
akemyfiancéandy
ouonl
ytel
lmeaweek
l
ater
.Whohashi
m?
Spha:
We’
rehandl
i
ngi
t.
Me:
Who?
Spha:
Pabl
o.
Me:
Thatsonofabi
tch!Why
?
Spha:
Notsur
e,deal
gonebadmay
be.
Me:
Wher
eishe?
SphaWebeli
eveheisinHav
ana,
oneofourguy
ssay
theywer
espott
edther
e.
Me:
They
?
Spha:
Uhm,
li
ke…
Me:
Phi
l
a?
Phi
l
a:Keenan,
IceandSnake.
Me:
Ist
her
eany
thi
ngel
seIneedt
oknow?
Spha:
Don’
tdoany
thi
ngst
upi
d.
Me:
Youknowdamnr
ightIwi
l
l.
Spha:
Than-
Me:Ineedt
ogohomeunl
esst
her
eismor
eIneedt
o
know?
Phi
l
a:Pabl
owant
sthepl
ant
ati
on.
Me:
Mypl
ant
ati
on?
Phi
l
a:Yeah.
Me:
Why
?
Phi
l
a:Money
,gr
eed…y
ouknow,
theusual
.
Me:
Sohowwi
l
lcapt
uri
ngKhenanhel
phi
m?
Phil
a:Notsurewhathi
sst
rat
egyi
s,butPabl
o
doesn’
tplay
.
Me:
Thanks…Sphakey
s,y
oucant
akemycar
.

Weswoppedkey sandIdr ovetothef ar

m, Peteand
Scarwereint hekit
chent alki
ng,“I
t’sbeen10day s
andstil
lnothing,
Ithinkweneedt ogot here.
”I
walkedin,“
gowher e? ”t
heyj uststoodtherewith
thei
reyeswi deopenandt heydidn’tsayanythi
ng.
Me:
Hel
l
o,quest
ion?
Pet
e:Uhm,
BossLady
!
Me:Don’tfucki
ngBossLadyme.10day smyfi
ancé
i
skidnappedandnoneofy out
hinkIshoul
dknow
aboutt
his?
Scar
:We
Me:
Sav
eit
,tel
lmeev
ery
thi
ng.
Theytoldmeev eryt
hingtheyhadandt heydi
dn’t
haveapl an.Thesemenal waysneedtobe
supervi
sed.“We’ r
eleavingtonight
,22h00air
port
.”
Petetri
edt ospeak,Ijustwalkedoutandmadeacal l
toorganizethetri
p.Igothomet ofi
ndAbebi i
nthe
l
ounge, “
hey .
”
Her
:Hi
Thando.
ME:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Her
:hav
eyouhear
dfr
om Khenan?
Me:
Nopewhy
?
Her:Ihav
en’theardfr
om Keenanit’
salmostbeen2
weeksnow.Henor mal
lysendssomef orm of
communi cat
ionwhenhegoesbl ack,butt
histi
me
not
hing.I
’m scaredsomethi
nghappenedt othem.
Me:
Soy
ouknewaboutt
his?
Her
:Yeah,
Keenant
oldmebef
orehel
eft
.
Me:Luckyy
ou.WellI
’
m goi
ngonarescuemi
ssi
on.
St
ayputandI’
l
lkeepyouupdat
ed.
Her
:I’
m comi
ngwi
th.
Me:
Noy
ouar
en’
t.

Il
eftherandwal
kedt
othebedroom t
opack,
my
phonerangandi
twasDumi,“
daddy.
”
Hi
m:Now,
what
’st
hisIhearabouty
ougoi
ngt
oCuba.
Me:
Sphahadtot
ell
youbecausehecoul
dn’
tst
op
mehimsel
f?
Hi
m: I’
m notst
oppi
ngy
ou,
I’
m comi
ngwi
th.Whendo
weleave?
Me:
22h30t
oni
ght
.
Hi
m:Al
ri
ghtseey
oul
ater
.

Ididmyt hi
ngsandtookthechi
l
drentomymot her
’s
house,“t
hanksmom.Wher e’
sdad?”sheshrugged,
“hehadtotakecareofsomethi
ngbefor
ey ouguy s
l
eav e.
”
Me:
Alr
ight
,wi
l
lmeethi
m att
heai
rpor
t.
Mom: ThandoIknowwhyy ou’r
edoi ngthis.Hellif
anythinghappenedt oMyDumi Iwoul dkilleveryone
i
nvolv ed!SoIunder stand,butdon’ tmakei tahabit.
Youcan’ tplaygangst erwiththesemen, t
heyhav e
beeni nt hi
sgamel ongert hanyouandt heyar e
rut
hless.Don’ tbemadt hatyourf athertoldme
aboutev ery
thi
ng,Iam hi swifeaf t
erall.Babygi rl
,
wit
hSpi derandCoon, Sphadidal lthewor kf oryou.
Butnowy ou’
reenteri
ngt heli
on’sden, gettingout
won’tbeeasy .Hewi l
l t
rytokil
ly ouandany onewho
dareshi m.NowI ’m notsay i
ngdon’ tgo,butbe
careful!
!

Ididn’tev enhav ear esponsef orher,Ij

usthugged
herreal tightandki ssedhercheekandwentt omy
car.Idr ovet otheai r
port;
Pet eandScarwer ealr
eady
there.Iwenti nsideandpour edadr i
nk.Itwas21H55
andwewer ejustwai t
ingforCaneandDumi t
henwe
couldl eav e.Isteppedoutf oracigarett
e,j
ustasIli
t
i
tacarpul ledup, “didCanebuyanewcar ?”The
guysshr ugged.Bot hthepassengeranddr i
ver’
s
door sopenDumi sanicameoutoft hepassenger
seatwithZenonf r
om thedriver’s.Theyweregoing
totakeovermymi ssi
on,Spha’scaral sopull
edup!I
wasbey ondpissed;Iputmyci gar et
teoutandwent
i
nside.Theyallfol
lowedmei n; andt henAbebi
walkedin,“
thefuck!Whatar eyoudoi ngher
e?”
Abebi:
KeenanismymanandIwanttohelp,
you
guyswill
needme.That’
swhyy
oubroughtmeon
boardinthebegi
nni
ng.
Me:
Yessoyoucanhel
pthewoundedandnotbei
n
t
heli
neoff
ir
e.
Her:Iwantt
odot
his,
Ican’
tsi
tathome,
it’
stoo
st
ressful
.

Il
ookedatal l
ofthem,“Mymi ssion, myr ul
es.You
wereallsi
ttingar
oundar sefarti
ngunt ilIdeci
dedto
dosomet hing.Nowev er
y oneisent husiast
ictogo
savethetroops?Tomakei tworsey ouallkeptt
his
shi
tawayf rom me, nowifanyofy ’allgetinmywayI
wil
lshooty ouinthehead!Pabloi smi ne!”
Theycoul dtel
lIwaspi ssedsonobodycamenear
me, ev er
yonegotset t
ledandwet ookoff
.Isl
eptfor
thef i
rst3hoursoft het r
ip;IwaswokenupbyZenon,
“areyouhungr y
? ”Inoddedandhehandedmea
plate,hesatacrossme.
Hi
m:ThandoIknowy
ou’
remadt
hatI
’
m her
e.
Me:
Whatgav
eitaway
?
Him:Sarcasm?Well
takealookar
ound?Ever
yonei
s
hereandriski
ngt
hei
rli
vesf
oryourcause.
Me:
Idi
dn’
taskt
hem.
Him:Youdidn’thaveto,theyloveyout hatmuchto
doitevenagainstyourwill
.Nowwhenwegett o
Cubay ougiv
eust heplanandwher ethereareand
hol
esy ouwillt
akeouradv icetomaket hepl
an
ai
rti
ght.Youneedtost opwi t
hthisrubbishofyour
wayort hehi
ghway ,wewor ktogethertoachieveone
goal.
Me:
I’
m sorry,I’
mjuststr
essi
ngbecausenobodytol
d
meaboutthis.Theycoul
dbedeadandnobodyt r
ied
t
odoanything.I’
m pi
ssedoff
.
Hi
m: Iunder
standbaby,butyouwi l
lneedtokeepa
cl
earheadifyouwanttocomeoutal i
ve.Weare
st
eppingint
oanotherman’ spr
opertywitha7man
ar
my ,weneedtobet hi
nkingstr
aight.
[
11/
23,
17:
24]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode88

*
***
***
***
***
***Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***

Thedooropenedandal it
tl
elightcamei nt
othe
windowlessroom,Ili
ftedmyheadt oseewhowas
coming.TwoofPabl o’sguyswal kedtowardsme
andcarri
edmeoutoft heroom intothei
r
i
nterr
ogationroom.Theydr oppedmeont hechai
r
andleft
,awhi l
elat
erPablowal kedinwearingasuit
.
Hesatopposi t
eme, “Goodmor ningKhenan.”
Me:Cuttheshi
tPabl
o,j
ustputabul
l
eti
nmyhead
al
ready
.
Hi
m:Idon’
twantt
oki
l
lyou.
Me:Wel
lwhatdoyouwant?Mywi f
e’spl
ant
ati
on?
Whydon’
tyoutal
ktoherabouti
t?
Hi
m:Khenan,
real
l
ynow?
Me:Youknowthelongeryoukeepmehere,y
ou’r
e
j
ustgi
vi
nghermoret i
met ofi
ndme.Andyoudon’t
wantt
omesswi t
hher ,
I’
dsayaskCoon,butyou
knowhe’
skindofdead.

Ifeltapunchonmyj awandIf el
tthewar m bloodin
mymout h,Ispati tout.Iletoutal augh,andlooked
him straighti ntheey es,“i
sthaty ourbestshot ?”he
clenchedhi sjawsandpunchedmeagai ninthe
samepl ace, thi
stimehar der
, “
That ’
sbetter
,but
you’restillnotgett i
ngwhaty ouwant .Youcan’ tfor
ce
met obei nt hisbusinesscont ract,Igav
ey ouy our
money .Iowey ounot hing.”
Him:Iwi
l
l sendt
heSer
biansony
ourassbef
oret
his
deal
isover!
Me: Ha,andtel
l t
hem what?ThatIdon’twantt
obuy
productfr
om youbecauseIcanpr oducemyown
andmyf atherin-l
awismynewsuppl ier?Comeon,
youcan’tbesuchabadl oser.Knowwhat ,l
etmy
boysgoandI ’l
lthrowinanextramil
li
on.
Helaughedandpi
ckeduphi sphone,“br
ingt hem i
n.”
heboughttheboy
si n,
theylookedf
resh,IguessI
wastheonlyonebeingtor
turedandstar
v ed.He
l
inedthem upi
nfrontofme, “
Whoshouldi tbe?Who
doIkil
lfi
rst
?”
Me:
Touchanyoft
hem andy
ouwi
l
lregr
eti
t…
Hi
m:Whatar
eyougoi
ngt
odo?hahaha
Me:Fucky
ou,deal
wit
hme.Theyhaven’
tdone
any
thi
ngyoupuss!
!Pi
ckonsomeoneyourownsi
ze.

Rightthenhi
sphoner angandhedi
dn’tseem to
recognizet
henumber ,“
Hell
o…whoisthis?OhMr s.
Khenanwhatasur pr
ise,howcanIhel
p…Thatwoul d
belovely…getsomerestandI’
ll
seeyoul at
er.
”

Heendedtheconversat
ion,whatt
hehellwas
Thandodoingi
nCuba?Iwassopi ssedoff
,Iclench
myfist
,“t
heGod’sarewithyoumyf ri
ends,Ihavea
l
unchdatesoIcan’tki
ll
y ounow.Let’
scontinuethi
s
l
ater
.”
Hewalkedouttheroom andtheguardscameinand
Iwastakenbacktomyr oom.Theythrewmeont he
fl
oorandstar
tedki
ckingmeunt i
lIpassedout
.

*
***
***
***
***
**Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Igotof
fthephonewit
hPabl
o,ev
ery
onewaslooki
ng
atme.He’si
n,hewasn’
tawar
eIwasint
hecountr
y.
HehadKhenanIknowit.

Spha:Igothisl
ocat
ion;I
’mjustgoi
ngt
otr
ygett
he
schematicsoft
hebuildi
ng.
Zenon:
Theyaren’
tfarf
rom her
e.Di
dhesaywher
e
youwouldhav
elunch?
Me:No,butIwanthi
mtot
akemet
ohi
spl
ant
ati
on.I
hav
eplansfori
t.
Dumi
:Whatar
eyouupt
o?
Me:
Ijusthav
eani
dea,
we’
l
ldi
scussaf
terl
unch.I
needaheli
copt
er;
youknowt
heonest
heyuset
oput
outfi
re.
Zenon:
Iknowaguy
.
Dumi
:Idon’
tthi
nky
oushoul
dgoal
one?
Me:
HehasKhenan;
hewon’
tdoany
thi
ngt
ome.
Spha:
I’
ll
fol
l
owy
ouf
rom adi
stance.
Me:
Ifheseesy
ou,
thenhewi
l
ldosomet
hing.
Spha:
Thandopl
ease,
I’
m apr
ofessi
onal
att
his.now
gogetready
.

Iwenti
ntot
hebat
hroom t
oshowerl
eav
ingt
heboy
s
todi
scusst
hepl
anfurt
her.

Spha:
Soher e’
sthehouse,t
here’
sabasementandI
thi
nkthat
’swhereheiskeepi
ngthe.
Dumi
sani
:Howmanyway
sin?
Spha:Qui
teafew,
butwedon’
tknowhowmuch
secur
it
yhehas.
Cane:
Icanscoutt
hepl
ace.

Theytal
kedonandonwhi
l
eAbebi
justsati
nthe
cornerj
ustl
i
steni
ng.

Aft
ergett
ingdressedIgotacal
lfr
om Pabl
oandhe
sai
dhewoul dpickmeup.Zenongavemean
ear
pieceandIwalkedouttomeetthi
sdevi
l!

Hewaswai t
ingformeinaconvert
ibl
eredChevrol
et
corv
ette;hegotoutandwalkedtowardsme.hewas
goodlooking,butal
it
tl
ebitol
d.Heshookmyhand
andkissedmycheekandopenedt hedoorforme.
wegoti nsi
de,“sowherewouldy
oul i
ketogo?”
Me:
Iwashopi
ngy
ourpl
ant
ati
onsoy
oucant
each
meathi
ngort
wo.
Hi
m:Heh,
sneakyar
en’
tyou?
Me:
Notassneakyasy
ou.
Iwi
nkedathim andgav
ehim acoysmi
l
e,i
looked
awayandchuckl
edtomysel
f.

Hi
m:asy
ouwi
sh.

Wedr oveforawhileandturnedatadustroad,
“I
hopey ou’
renotthi
nkingofkil
li
ngmeanddumpi ng
mybodyouther e.Ihaveatracker
.”Il
aughedand
gi
ggledinalit
tl
ef l
i
rtyway.
Hi
m:Iwoul
dn’
tdr
eam ofsuch,
Khenanwoul
dki
l
lme.
Me:
howcanhedosuchaf
tery
ouabduct
edhi
m?
Hi
m:Let
’snott
alkaboutmen’
sbusi
ness.
Me:
Butt
hisi
sal
lbecausey
ouwantmypl
ant
.

IcouldhereZenoninmyearsay i
ng,“Thandowhat
thefuckareyouplay i
ngat?”Ii
gnoredhim and
l
ookedatPabl o,“
Mi ssKhumalo,comenow.You’ re
rui
ningtheaft
ernoon.”Igiggl
edonceagai nandwe
drovetoahugepl antati
on.Wegotinsideabuil
ding
andwentint
otheel
evat
orandheadedup,
thent
ook
afl
ightofst
air
sont
otheroof
.
Me:
Wow,
thi
sismassi
ve!
Hi
m:Iknewy
ou’
dbei
mpr
essed.
Me:
Sowhydoy
ouwantmi
ne?
Hi
m:Becausei
fIdon’
thav
eit
,Il
osemybi
ggest
cl
i
ent
.Ican’
thavet
hat!
Me:Sowhycaptur
ehim?Ifhediesyoust
il
ll
oseyour
bi
ggestcl
i
entandIcont
inuesel
l
ing,
whatyou’
ll
kil
l
meto?Ha.

Myphoner
ang;helookedatme,
“taket
hecal
l
.”I
answer
edt
hecall
.
Me:
Heydaddy
.
Dumi
sani
:Ar
eyout
ryi
ngt
ogety
our
sel
fki
l
led?
Me:
No,
Iwoul
dn’
tdosuch.
Dumisani:
Wehav
ethel
ocat
ion,
nowgett
hef
uck
outofther
e.
Me:Al
ri
ghtwil
ldo.Di
dyoumanaget
ocheckoutt
hat
pr
oper
tyItol
dyouabout
?
Dumi
sani
:Canei
soni
t.
Me:
Alr
ight
,I’
l
lcal
lyoul
ater
.Sayhi
tomom.

Icutthecall
andt ur
nedar oundt
of i
ndasmili
ng
Pablostar
ingatme, “daddy’
sgir
l.
”Igiggl
ed,
“gui
l
ty
ascharged,butIdoneedt ogetgoing.
”

Wewentdownandgoti nt
ot hecar,“
whatarey ou
real
lydoinghereMi ssKhumal o?”Il
ookedathim
andsmi l
ed,“Icamet oaskyoutogivemebackmy
fi
ancé.Hepr omi sedhe’dspendChristmaswithme
thi
sy ear
,andIf eelifhestay
sher eanylongerhe
mightjustmissi t.
”

Ihear
dZenoncur
se,
“fuck!Thandost
opi
t!

Pabl
o:Hav
edi
nnerwi
thmet
omor
rowni
ghtandwe
candi
scussi
tfur
ther
.
Me:Toni
ght,
Ilef
ttheki
dsalonesoI
’
dli
ket
oget
backassoonaspossi
ble.
Pabl
o:Cont
rol
l
ing.Fi
ne,
I’
ll
picky
ouupat19h30
Me:
Per
fect
.

Wedr ovehomeandhegotouttoopenthedoorfor
me.hekissedmycheekandIwalkedof
f,“dr
essup
f
ortonight
.”Ijustgav
ehi
m at
humbsupandwal ked
i
ntothebuil
ding.

Themi nut
eIsteppedi ntot
hehouseZenonst
art
ed
shouti
ng,“ar
ey oufuckingoutofy
ourmind?What
thehel
l wasthat?
”
Me:HeneedstoknowI’m her
eforKhenanandto
destr
oyhi
m.Iam notscar
edofhim andIneedhi
m
toknowthat
.
Zenon:
Idon’
tev
enknowwhyy
oupushedsuppert
o
toni
ght
.
Me:Sothathedoesn’
thav
eti
met
opl
anwhat
everhe
i
str
yingtodo.
Zenon:
Finegoodplan.Sot
hehel
i
copt
eri
sread,
whatdowedowi t
hi t
?
Me:
Letmechange,
I’
ll
ber
ightback.

Ichangedandtheyweretal
ki
ngaboutt hehouse,“
so
ther
ear e6guar
dswatchi
ngt heout
side,Icantake
them outi
n5mi nut
eseasy.I
nsideI
’m nottosure.
”
Me:
Sohowdowegeti
n?
Cane:
Ifound3ent
rancest
hatwecoul
duse…Her
e
her
eandhere.
Me:
Whydon’
twecomei
nfr
om t
het
op?
Cane:
Top?
Me: y
eah,thebui l
dingnexttoit
.Getontotheroof
,
zi
pwi r
eacr ossandi ntothesecondf
loorwindows.
Therearenobal conies,whichmeansoutsi
de
securi
tyi
sonl yont heground.
Spha:
Coul
dwor
k.
Me: Noitwil
lwork.Andtheplantat
ion,youf
il
lthat
hel
icopt
erwithgasoli
neandmakei trai
novert
hat
pl
antati
on.Iwanteveryt
hingburntdown.
Zenon:
Remi
ndmenev
ert
ocr
ossy
ou.
Dumi
:AndwhataboutPabl
o?
Me:
HecomesBackt
oSout
hAf
ri
cawi
thme!
Dumi:
Alr
ight
,soundsl
i
keapl
an.Buthowar
eyou
goi
ngtogethi
mt oagr
eet
othat
?
Me:
Leav
ethatt
omeDaddy
.

Wet al
kedmoreaboutstr
ategyandpl
aces.Wewere
outnumberedwit
h3mi ssi
onsandwehadt ospl
i
tup,
theoddswereagai
nstus.
Iwenttomyroom andlayinbedthi
nkingabout
Khenan,myphonerangitwasAtandwa,“hey,
wher
e
ar
ey ouI’
vebeeenbuzzi
ngatyourgate.”
Me:
I’
minCuba;
I’
ll
bebacki
nacoupl
eofday
s.
Hi
m:Cuba?
Me:
Khenanneededme.
Hi
m:Oh,
arey
ouguy
sbackt
oget
heragai
n?
Me:
Yes.
Hi
m:Thandoaf
terev
ery
thi
nghehasputy
out
hrough?
Me:
Atandwapl
ease,
notnow.

Icutthecal landdr iftedofftosleep.Iwaswokenup

bySphaat18H00, “wakeywakeysunshi ne, youhave
adat etogot o.”Idr aggedmy selfoutofbedandgot
ready.Somehowsomebodyhaddoneshoppi ngf or
me.Itwasar ed,longf l
owydr ess.Thedr esswas
boobt ubewi t
hasweet heartneckline.Thi shadSpha
writ
tenal loverit.Icamedownst airsev eryonewas
waiti
ngf orme.Sphahel pedmest rapapi ecet omy
i
nnert highandputanot hersmal lonei nmycl utch.
Weusedt hesecr etpassaget ogot ot hehouse
wherePabl owoul dpi ckmeupat ,
Sphahandedme
myearpi eceandgav emeahug, “
Iwanty ouback
hereinonepi ece.”Inoddedandwal kedout .Pablo
waswai ti
ngformei nanav ysuit,Itookadeep
breatheandwal kedt owar dshim, “don’ tl
ookso
terr
if
ied, Iwon’thur tyou.”Ismiledandgoti nt othe
car
,myhear
twasbeat
ingf
ast
.Wedr
oveof
f…

Meanwhil
etheboyswer eget t
ingr
eadyfortheir
missi
ons;
Icouldhearev er
ythi
ngthatwasgoi ngon.
Theyhadthi
sshitonlockandIwasn’ tevenworri
ed,
ZenonwouldgowithAbebi totheplant
ationwhil
e
ever
yonewouldgotor escuethecrew.

“Bull
’
seye,anotheronebitesthedust,
”Icouldhear
Canecelebrati
ngknockingdownt heguards.I
wantedtolaughoutl oudbutIcouldn’
tbecause
Pablowassi t
ti
ngrightinfr
ontofme, Iwasalready
boredofthenightbutIcouldn’
tleaveunti
lKhenan
wassafe.
Zenonsentmeat
ext
:It
’sdone.
Ihear
dhi
mtel
l
ingt
heguy
shewasheadi
ngt
hei
rway
.

Spha:
We’
rei
n…
Everythingwasgoi ngaccordi
ngt oplan,unti
lIhear
d
gunshot s,“
we’ reunderatt
ack!”Iheardav oi
ceI
didn’
tknow.Theshoot ingwentonf orawhi l
eand
thensi l
ence, Ijustfr
oze.Nobodywassay i
ng
anythingandIwasget ti
nganxious,Itext
edZenon
buthedi dn’
tr eply
,“swi
tchthatthi
ngof fwil
lyou.”I
smi l
ed,“I’m sorry,i
t’
sthechil
dren.”
Hi
m:Idi
dn’
treal
i
zey
ouhadki
ds.
Me:
Khenan’
schi
l
dren,
butt
heyar
easgoodasmi
ne.
Hi
m:Ev
enTar
eck’
sdaught
er?

Howt
hehel
ldi
dheknowaboutt
hat
,“ev
enher
.”
Him:Youhaveagoodhear
t,howdi
dyouf
all
for
suchadevi
l?
Me:Ha,
hei
sn’
tthatbadyouknow.Onl
ywheny
ou
cr
osshi
m,t
henyou’l
lfeel
hiswrat
h.
Hi
m:Soy
ousuppor
thi
m ki
l
li
ngKhensi
.

Thi
smanwast
ryi
ngt
otestme,
Ifel
taknotatt
hepi
t
ofmyst omach,Khenancoul
dn’
thavemur
dered
Khensani.No,
andt henIr
ememberedt
hephonecal
l
.
Me:Li
keIsaid,
ifshedi
dn’
tgi
vehi
m ar
easont
othen
hewouldn’
thavedonei
t.
Hi
m:Iwi
shmywi
fesuppor
tedmel
i
key
oudo.
Me:
Arey
oumar
ri
ed?
Him:Yes,
30y
ear
snow.Mychi
l
drenar
eal
mosty
our
age.
Me:
Inev
erf
igur
edy
ououtt
obeaf
ami
l
yman.
Hi
m:Lookscanbedecei
vi
ng.
Me:
Truet
hat
.let
’sdr
inkt
othat
.

Wecal l
edt
hewai terov
erandor der
edabottl
eof
whiskeywetoastedourfi
rstdri
nks.Wet
alkedalot
anditwasstar
tingtogetl
ateandIwaswor ri
ed,
unti
l
myphonerangi twasSpha,“heymom.”
Spha:
Wear
eheadi
ngback.
Me:
Howar
etheki
ds?
Spha:Khenanisn’
tlooki
nggoodhehasbeenbeat
en
upprett
ybadly
.
Me:Alr
ight,
askAbebit
ogivehi
m somet
hingf
ort
he
f
ever.I
’
lltal
ktoyouwhenIgethome.

Il
etoutasighofr
eli
efandcont
inuedwi
thPabl
o,i
t
wasalmostmidni
ght.
Me:
Ineedt
ogetgoi
ng.
Hi
m:Butwedi
dn’
tdi
scussKhenan.
Me:
Ohbutwedi
d,ha.
Hi
m:Youhav
easenseofhumordon’
tyou?
Me:
Itr
y,howabouty
out
akemet
oseehi
m
t
omorr
ow?
Hi
m:Idon’
tknowwher
ehei
s.
Me:
I’
m sur
eyoudon’
t.

Ihadasmi r
konmyfaceandhelookedatme
quizzi
cal
l
y,wepai
dandthenheadedback.Ont
he
wayPablorecei
vedacallf
rom hi
s'wif
e'thatmade
himveryangry
,helookedatmepissed.Hepar ked
thecar
,andopenedthedoorforme,hewal kedme
uptothedoor.
Hi
m:CanIcomei
nforani
ghtcap.
Me:Idon’
tthi
nkthat
’sagoodi
dea.(
ofcour
seI
wantedhi
mt ocomein,t
hatwasal
lpar
tofmyplan.
)
Hi
m:Justonedr
inkandt
henwi
l
lheadhome.
Me:
Okonedr
inkonl
y.

Iunl ockedthedoorandst eppedi

n,hefol
lowedme
i
nsi de,themi nuteIcl
osedthedoorhegotbebymy
throatandsl ammedmeagai nstt
hedoor.“Youthi
nk
I’
m st upidperra?Youcancomei nt
omycount ryand
takewhat ’
smi ne?”
Me:
Your
s?Haha

Het i
ght
enedhi
sgri
paroundmyneck,Itr
ied
grabbi
nghisf
acebutmyshortar
mscouldn’tr
each.I
fel
tmybodyli
fti
ngsl
owlyofft
hegroundandIwas
l
osingai r
.Il
ift
edmykneeandi tlandedonhi s
crouch,heautomatical
l
yl etgoofmeandhel dhis
manhood.If el
l t
othegroundcoughi ng,Icaughtmy
breathandbef or
eIcouldgetuphehadmebyt he
hairandswungmear oundandl etgo.Icr ashedto
thefloorandhitbackagainstthewal l
andheki cked
mei nthestomach.Heki ckedmeagai n,hetried
thi
rdt i
mebutIhadt heguni nmyhandandhe
paused.

Hi
m:Hay
ougoi
ngt
othr
eat
ent
oshootme?
Me:
Kickmeagai
nandsee.

Heswunghi slegandIf i
red, t
hebul l
etlandedonhi s
thi
ghandhescr eamedoutl oudandf elltothe
ground.Igotupandt oweredov erhim stil
lpointing
thegunathim.Ikickedhimi nthechest ,
"yout ough
nowar en’
tyou?"Helaughedandt hatjustpissedme
offmor e,
theguyswer enowal lintheroom l ooking
atme.Nobodysai dany t
hing, Ishothimi nt hechest.
Hecr i
edoutloud,andIwal kedt ot heguy s,“l
et’sget
outofher
e.”
Spha:
Arey
ougoi
ngt
oleav
ehi
m?
Me:Lethi
m suf
fer
…Iam notgoi
ngt
omaket
his
easyf
orhim.Wherei
sKhenan?
Spha:
Comet
hisway
.

Weal l
wentt hrought hesecr etpassageandhewas
l
y i
ngont hecouchpassedout .Hewasbr uisedall
overwithcutsonhi sf ace,“l
et’
sgett hef
uckoutof
here.
”Theypi ckedhim upandwewentt ot hecars
anddrovet otheairpor t
.Wewer ebeingfoll
owedby
2carsthatstartedshoot ingatus.Iwasi nthe
dri
ver’
swi t
hCanei nt heback, Iopenedthesunr oof,
“showthem whaty ou’remadeof ”hesmi ledand
tookoutasni perri
fleandgotoutandshotonceand
missed.Iheardhim cur se,thenhef i
redagainand
thecartumbled, “
stopt hecar !
”
Me:
What
?

Ri
ghtt
henabul
l
etcamet
hrought
heback
windscreenandgl assshatter
edev erywher e.The
bull
ethisCane’ sthi
gh,“br
akesnow! !”Islammed
hardatthebr akesandhewai tedasecondandt hen
fi
redshoot i
ngt hedri
veinthehead, “getusoutof
hereheshout edbackatmeandIspedof f.”Atthe
air
portev er
yonewaswai t
ingforus, theyhelped
Khenani ntothejetandwej ett
edof f.Abebi t
ook
careofCane, thejetwasfullandIhadn’ treali
zed
thatoneoft hepassengerswasTar eck,“whatthe
fuckishappeni nghere!
!!
”
Dumiwal
kedtomeandpul
l
edmeasi
de,
“hewas
wit
hPabl
oall
thi
sti
me.”
Me:
Capt
uredorv
olunt
ary
?
Dumi l
etoutasigh;Ijustnoddedandwentov erto
Khenan.Iknelti
nfrontofhim andkissedhislipsand
l
aidmyheadonhi schestandt hetearsjustst
arted
fl
owing.Afterawhil
eIgat her
edmy selfandlooked
around,ev
er y
onelookedl i
ketheyhadbeent ohell
andback,Zenonwasshoti nthearm andPet ejust
l
ookedlikedeath.Allofthi
sbecauseofKhenan.
Therewasn’tenoughspacef orall
ofus, Isatont he
fl
oor.
I
ce:
BossLady
,thanky
ou.
Me:
Don’
tthankme,
thankt
hem.

Ipoi
ntedt
oeveryoneinthej
et.Hej
ustcl
osedhi
s
eyesandwentt
osl eep.

Whenwegothome, weputKhenaninbed.And
everyonel ef
t,Ical
ledmom andt hechil
drenwere
asleep.Iwast ir
ed, t
hepastcoupleofdayshadbeen
hectic,
andwewer en’tev
eninCubafor24hours.
Mom wasr i
ght;t
hislifei
sn’
tformeIneedt ost
op
thi
sshi t!ButIhadt odealwit
hTareckfi
rst.I
shower edandgoti ntobednexttoKhenan.

*
***
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

IwokeupinthemiddleofthenightandThandowas
nexttome,Ismil
edabittomy sel
f.Ineededt he
toi
let
,butwhenItr
iedtogetupthepai nsshotri
ght
thr
oughmybodyandIl etoutasmal lcrythatwoke
Thandoup.Shel ookedatmewi thsl
eepyey es,“
are
youok? ”Inodded, “Ij
ustneedt ouset hetoil
et.
”She
gotoutf rom hersi deandhel pedmei nt
othe
bathroom; Ididmybusi nesswi thherstandingther
e.
WhenIl ookedatmyf acei nthemi rr
orIgotashock,
myf acewasswol lenandbr uisedeverywhere.Mylip
wasbustandmyey eclosed…Thandohel pedme
backt obed, “
ar ey oucomf ort
able?”Inoddedand
j
ustlookedatt hewor ryinherf ace,“
I’
m sosor ry
,and
thanky ou.”shej ustputthecov ersoverme, “get
somer est .
”
Itr
iedbutIcoul
dn’
t,
Icoul
dhearhersobbingi
nt he
dark,“
Thandotal
ktome.”shesni
ff
ed,“I
’
m alr
ight.
”
Me:
Lookatme.

Shet
urnedar
oundandf
acedme.
Me:
whati
sit
?
Thando:Youweremissi
ng,f
or2weeksKhenan.I
didn’
tknowwhatwasgoingon,youtr
ansf
err
edall
yourassetst
omeandt hendi
sappear
edoffthef
ace
oftheplanet
.Ev
ery
oneknewy ouweremissi
ngand
nobodyt oldme, Ihadt oleavethechi ldr
enand
businessandev er yt
hingher etotrysav eyouagai nst
adanger ousman.Ihadnoi deai fIwouldmakei t
backornot ,Pabl ot ri
edtoki l
lmeKhenanIhadt o
shoothi mtopr ot ectmy sel
f.Allthosemenr i
sked
theirl
ivesfory ou, f
orme.Ican’ tdot hisKhenan, allI
wantt odoi scook, andhav eaf amily.Notbe
i
nv olv
edi nthisdr ugshitofki l
li
ngpeopl e,havi
ngt o
l
ookov ermyshoul derbecauseIhav emade
enemi es.Whati swor seis,l
ookingov ermyshoul der
i
nmyownhomebecausey ourbrotheroncetriedt o
makemecr azy,andwant edt okill
you.It’
stoo
much…
Me:Tel
lmewhattodoandI
’
lldoi
tbaby
.Any
thi
ng,
I
wantt
ofixt
his,
us!
Thando:
Youknowwhaty
ouneedt
odoKhenan.

Sheroll
edoutofbed,
putonhergownandshe
walkedoutofther
oom.Iwaslef
ttherethi
nki
ng
whattodo;Iknowshewantsmet oquitt
hisl
if
e.The
thi
ngisIdon’
tknowifIwantt
o,butIknowIloveher
somuchandIdon’
twantt
oloseher
.
[
11/
23,
17:
24]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode89

*
***
***
***
***
**Keenan*
***
***
***
***
**

Wegotbackt ot hehouse, Abebi andIwentt oour

room andshewentt or unthebat hwat er.Shehadn’ t
spokent omesi ncewel ef
tCuba, “baby,comeher e.”
IsaidandIwassi t
ti
ngont hebed, “Weneedt oget
clean, stopt hisrubbi shandt akeof fthosef i
lthy
clothes. ”Sheopenedupt hecl osetandt ookoutmy
pajamasal ongwi thher s.Iletoutasi ghandwal ked
i
nt ot heensui t,Ibrushedmyt eethbef oret akingoff
mycl othes, sheent eredaf t
ermeandshet ookof f
herj eans.Iwat chedherasshet ookof fther estof
hercl otheswi t
ht earsinherey es,“don’tobi m…I ’
m
safemybl ackpear l
.”Shedi dn’tsayany t
hingandI
pulledhert owar dsmeandhel dhert i
ght.Shef ought
meof fher,“yousai doneweek, youpr omi sedme
youwoul dbebacki naweek. ”
Me:
Iknowobi
m,Iknow.Thi
ngsdi
dn’
tgoaccor
ding
t
opl
an.
Her:
Youthi
nk??Whydi
dy ouevengoi
nthef
ir
st
pl
ace,y
ounevergoonmissi
ons…whynow?
Shewasnowbangi
ngonmychest
,“Ihadto,andi
t
wasaoneti
methi
ng.Ipr
omi
seIwi
llneverl
eaveyou
agai
n.”
Her
:Whati fyoudi
ed?Ican’
tloseany
oneel
set
othi
s
r
ubbish,
Ijustcan’
t.
Me:
Ipr
omi
sei
twi
l
lnev
erhappenagai
n.
Shestart
edcalmingdown,“Idi
dn’
tfoll
owy outo
CapeTownj ustsoyoucanrunaroundwitht he
fucki
ngmob.Ididn’
tsignupforanyofthi
s, andifi
t
happensagainIwil
ll
eavewithi
nablinkofaney e.”I
chuckl
edabi t
,Il
oveitwhensheisangryandt ri
esto
shout.
Abebi hasaheartofanangel andcouldneverhur
ta
fl
y,henceshechosehercar eer.Shealwayswanted
tobeapedi atr
ici
an,butshechangedt obeaheart
surgeonafterherbr
ot herwasdi agnosedwithavery
rearheartdi
sease.Shei ssosweetandki nd,even
thoughshei sthr
eateningtoleaveme, Iknowdeep
downt hatshewoul dneverbecauseshehasopened
uptomei nway sshehasnev erwi t
hanotherman.
Shel ovesmewhol eheartedl
yandIl ovehermor e
thant hat.
..alit
tleobsessedi fyouaskme, and
seeingherl ikethishurtmet ot hecore…Ilookedat
herandsmi led,“don’tsmileatme, andgetyourdir
ty
assint hebat h.”Ishookmyhead, “
obim,youdon’t
havet obemean. ”Sheroll
edherey esatmeandgot
i
ntot hebat h,Igotinandsatbehi ndhert
henshe
rest
edherheadonmychest ,“areyoudonewi tht
he
dramanow? ”shenodded, “
good, nowtel
lmewhy
you’
r ecrying?”
Her:Baby,y
ou’r
eacomput erguy
…t hat
’sit
.Ican’
t
i
magi neyoubeingshotbysomedruglord.Iwant
youtogetelect
rocutedbyt
hosecablesyoukeep
connecti
ngaroundhere.
Me:Ha,i
sthatal
lIam?Acomput
erguy
?
Unamasi
mbav ha?
Sheelbowedmeont hesideofmyst omach,“
buton
thereal
,I’
m sor
rybabyandi twil
lnothappenagai
n.
Wet houghti
twouldbei nandoutbutPablowasa
stepaheadofus.Ifail
ed,Ishoul
dhav eseeni
t
comi
ngbutIdi
dn’
t.
”Il
etoutasi
gn.
Her:
Yousee,
becausey
ouwer
ebusyshaki
ngbei
ng
ar
oundI
ce.
Shel etoutagiggl
e,“t
hat’
swhyt heyl
eav
eyou
behind.Ifyouwerehomei nyourcomfor
tzonenone
ofthiswoul dhavehappened.
”
Me:
Iwasn’
tshaki
ngbecauseofI
ce.
.
Her
:Soy
ouwer
eshaki
ng?HaHaHa…
Me:Mxm…I’
m donewit
hyou,
youcanpackourbags
andl
eav
einthemorni
ng.
Her
:Whati
fIwantt
oleav
etoni
ght
?
Me:
Andgowher
e?You’
reaf
orei
gnnat
ional
r
emember
.

Shetur
nedaroundandgav
emeadeat hstar
e,“
wel
l
you’
renotget
ti
nganymorefor
eignpussy
.AndI
haveafl
atremember.
”
Me:
Whi
chone,
theoneIboughty
ou.
Her
:Yest
hatonenzuzu….
Me: Oh,yougoingtocomeatmewi t
hthatI
gbo
rubbishnow?I’
lldrownyouandbur
yyouwhere
nobodycanf i
ndy ou.
Her
:I’
l
lcal
lIceandt
henwe’
l
lsee.
Me:That’
sr eal
l
ynotfunny
;IceandIar
efr
iendf
uthi
.
Hewouldn’tdosuch.
Shedi dn’treplymycommentshej ustgotupand
washedher sel
f,“andme? ”sherolledherey es,“I
’
ll
callI
cet ocomehel py ou.”Shesaidst eppingoutof
thebat htubdr i
ppingwet .Iwashedupqui ckl yand
cleanedupaf t
er;whenIgott othebedr oom she
wasn’ tthere.Didsher eall
yleave;Iwasonl yplaying
withher .Igotdr essedi nthepajamasshehadl aid
outformeandl eftther oom t ofi
ndher ,Ifoundher
i
nt heki tchenmaki ngsandwi ches.Iheldherf r
om
behindandki ssedherneck, “youknowIl ovey ou
ri
ght? ”shenodded, “whowoul dn’t
?”mxm, Iopened
thefridgeandgott wobeer sandopenedf orus,
“babyy ou’remaki ngf ormet oo?”shenoddedandI
smi l
ed.Isatdownont hebarst ool andwat chedher
maki ngt hesandwi ches, “babyIwast hi
nking. ”
Her
:Youwer
e?
Me:
Ok,
stopnow.I
’
m bei
ngser
ious.
Her
:Al
ri
ght
y,whati
sity
ouwer
ethi
nki
ngabout
?
Me: whenIwasi nCuba,t
herewasat i
mewhen
Pabloalmostkill
edusandmylif
eflashedbefor
emy
eyes.Iwon’tl
ieandsayIwasn’
tscared,Iwas
shit
ti
ngbricks.
..andIt
houghtt
hatli
feissoshort.
Her
:Ok,
yesi
tis.
Me:
I’
m notpr
oposi
ngsopl
easedon’
tgetexci
ted.
Her
:Getonwi
thi
tbef
oreIf
all
asl
eep…
Me:
Fine,
Ithi
nky
ouneedt
otal
ktoy
ourf
ather
.

Itookasi
pofmybeerandshel ookedupatme, “y
ou
thi
nkwhat?”Ididn’
tsayanyt
hingIj
ustlookedather
andnodded,“youthi
nkIshoulddothi
sbecause?”
Me:Babythi
sshithasgoneont oolong;
ifhewereto
di
etomorrowyou’dregr
etitandblameyoursel
f.You
don’
thavetobefri
ends,butjustr
eachouttohi
m. .
.
Her
:Sot
hatwhat
?Sot
hatbi
tchcancomeaf
terme
andki
l
lmel
i
keshedi
dmymot
her
?
Iletoutasigh,“for
getIsai danythi ng.”Itookasi pof
mybeerandwest ayedi ncompl etesi l
ence, she
toastedthesandwi chesinabut ter edpanandt hen
gav ememypl ate.Wewentt other oom wi t
hour
foodandsomebeer ,weat eagaini nsi l
enceandI
thankedher.Aftereatingshewentout sideandl i
ther
cigarett
e,It
ookt hedirtyplates,
whenshecame
backi nIwasinbedandsheswi tchedt hel i
ghtsand
gotin.“comeher e.
”Shet urnedar oundandl ayon
mychest ,“I
’
m sor r
ybaby ...Idi
dn’tmeant oupset
youbuti twasjustat hought .
”
Her
:Howcoul
dyouthi
nkt
hatwheny
ouknowwhat
hedi
dtoourf
amil
y?
Me:Ijustthoughtmay bey oucantalktohi
m and
hearhim out.Justl
ist
ent ohissideandthentakeit
fr
om there.I’
m notsayingforgi
vehim,li
keIsaidit
wasjustat hought,
andl i
fereal
lyistooshor
t.
Shedi
dn’trepl
yandIl
ett
hatbe.Ihel
dhert
ightunt
il
wefel
lasleep.
*
***
***
***
***
***
***
Abebi wokeupi nthemor ningandKeenanwasn’ tin
bedwi thher,shemadet hebedandwenti ntot he
bathroom.Shewassot i
redandl ookedather sel
fin
themi r
ror,shelookedwor noutfrom t hestressof
missingthel oveofherli
fe.Sheopenedt hel i
ttl
e
cabinetandt ookouthert oot
hbrush, onwhichshe
foundast i
ckynot e,sheroll
edherey esandl aughed
beforereadingit,
“lordwhydidyoumakemef alli
n
l
ov ewithani di
ot?”sheaskedher selfbeforeshe
readthenot e:ImeantitwhenIsai dlifeistooshor t.
Shereadt henot enumeroust imes,andshedi dn’
t
gettheriddle.Shewasn’treadyt ospeaktoher
fat
her,soKeenancanf orgetit.Shegotint
ot he
showeraf erbrushi
nghert eeth,andheadedoutt o
thekit
chenwher eshefoundKhenandr i
nkingcoffee
onthebarst ool
.Helookedlikeshit,onanyor di
nary
dayshewoul dmakeast upidcomment ,butthis
wasn’tthetime.
Hi
m:Goodmor
ningsunshi
ne.
Her
:Hey
,howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
Hi
m:Wel
lI’
vehadbet
terda…
Hepausedandl ookedather ,“what?”Sheasked,
“Wellyouseem tobedoi nggr eat…hehehe…t hat
cowar dfi
nallygr
ewapai r.”Shel ookedathim
confused,notknowingwhathewasonabout .He
point
edatherhandwi thhisey es;shelookeddown
andtookast epback.“Well?
”Hesai dwithhi
s
mout hful
,“congr
atulat
ions.”
Shef r
ozeandl ookedatherl efthandandherf ace
i
mmedi atel
yheat edupandshest artedtocr y.
Khenanl ookedatherconf used, hest oodupand
walkedar oundthecount ertowar dsher ,“hey,hey…
thi
sisagoodt hing.”Shejustfrozeanddi dn’t
respond,hepulledawayf r
om her ,“wai t
…hei sa
cowar dafteral
l.Hedi dn’
tasky ou? ”Khenanl aughed
andthencomposedhi mselfafterseei ngt hatshe
wasr eall
yconfusedandshewasst il
lcryi
ng.He
grabbedherbyt heshoulders,“l
istenher e,youknow
howt hesecomput ergeeksar ewi ththeirwor ds.
Eversincehef i
rstlaidhiseyesony ouhet oldme
thathewasi nl
ov e.Getti
ngy outonot i
cehi m was
thebiggestchallengeofhi sli
fe,andwheny ou
eventually‘knocked’ hi
m ov erwithy ourcar …ohgi r
l
hewast aken. ”Abebi l
ookedupatKhenan, “t
hat
wasn’ tanacci dent ?”hel aughed, “
Lookher e,t
his
manhasbeenwal ki
ngar oundwi ththatr ingi nhis
pocketf ormor et han6mont hsnow.IguessCuba
reall
yshowedhi mf l
amesandhenowknowswhat
her eall
ywant s…hel ovesy ou, don’tev erdoubtt hat.
I’
m notsay i
ngy oumustagr eet omar r
yhi mr ight
away ,buthe’ swor thgivi
ngashot !”hepi ckeduphi s
cupandwal kedawayl eav ingAbebi conf used.She
satont hebarst oolintheki tchenadmi ringt hering
onherf ingerandshesmi l
et oher self…‘Thi sidi
ot
shet hought .
’Shemadecof feeandwentt osi t
outsideint hechi l
lymor ningbr eeze; shel ither
cigarett
eandt houghtaboutcal l
ingherf ather.She
dial
edhi shomeof fi
cenumber ,i
trangt wicebef ore
heanswer ed, “Adeday ohel lo…”shet hencutt hecall
andst artedcr ying….
*
***
***
***
*Keenan*
***
***
***
***
“Hey
,babywhat’
swr ong?Whyareyoucrying?”I
knel
tinfr
ontofAbebiandusedmythumbst owipe
hert
earsaway.Sheshookherhead,“
alr
ight,come
here.”Isatdownnextt oherandpickeduphersmal l
bodyandputheronmyl apandhef i
tt
edjust
perfectl
y.Sheputherarm aroundmeandcr ied
somemor e,“
Icantdoit
?”myhear tsankandIf el
t
l
ikecr yi
ng, “
Iunderst
andbaby,i
t’
st oosoonandI
wasj umpi ngthegun.Wehav eallt
het i
met oget
mar ri
ed.”Shelookedupatme, “notthatyouidi
ot,
obviouslyI’l
lmarryyou.
”Iwasnowconf used,“
then
whyar ey oucryi
ng? ”
Her:
Itr
iedt
ocal
lhi
m,butwhenIhear
dhi
svoi
ce…I
cant
.
Me:
It’
sal
ri
ghtIunder
stand…al
li
nduet
imebaby
..
Ihel
dhert
ightunt
ilshecalm down,
Ithenpi
ckedher
upagai
nandIputherdownf acingme.Shecradl
ed
meandIkissedherli
ps,“
youknowy ou’
rebeauti
ful
ri
ght
?”
Her
:You’
resuchal
i
ar!
!
Me:
I’
dnev
erl
i
etoy
ou.
Her
:Andt
het
imeIknockedy
ouov
erwi
thmycar
?
Me:
You’
resocl
umsy
!
Her
:Khenant
oldmeev
ery
thi
ng.
Me:
Thatsel
l
out
!Desper
atet
imesbaby
!!
Shel
if
tedherlef
thand…“wasthi
sadesperat
e
ti
me?”
Ididn'
tbotherwi
thanswer
ingIj
ustsmashed
myli
psonhers!!

Notpr
oper
lyedi
ted,
sor
ryI
'
mtoosl
eepy
.
[
11/
23,
17:
24]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode90

*
***
***
***
***
***
*Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
**

Afterl
eavingKhenani nbed,Isatdownont hepor
ch
havingmyci garett
eandt hinki
ngaboutt he
ul
timatum Ihadj ustgiventoKhenan.Iremember
whenIf i
rstlearntaboutthedrugs,hesai dhewould
stopandbl amedev erythi
ngonTar eck.Icansee
nowt hather eal
lyenjoysitandIdon’tseehi m
l
eav i
ngthislife.
Af
terawhi
l
eIwentbackupst
air
sandKhenanhad
fal
lenasl
eep, It
ookashowerchangedandwentto
fi
xbreakfast.Il
eftthebr
eakf
astinthewar
merand
l
eftanotef orevery
oneinthehouseastowher
eto
fi
ndit.It
ookoneofKhenan’ scar
sandheadedtomy
house.

Iwant
edtobeasf arfr
om Khenanaspossi
bletolet
hi
m makehisdecisi
on.Ibookedafl
i
ghtandpacked
mybags.BeforeIl
eftt
hehouseIwroteKhenana
l
ett
erandlef
titwhereIknewhewouldfi
nditifhe
cametomyhouse.AndIl ef
t.

IlandedinRwanda;
Mutet
eli
waswait
ingformeat
theairpor
t.Igav
ehi
m ahug,“
Thanky
ou.”
Mutet
eli
:Don’tmenti
onit
.You’
vebeensay
ingy
ou
wi
ll
v i
sit
,I’
l
lsett
lef
orthi
s.

Wel aughedandhedr
ovetohishouse,
wespoke
al
ongt hewayandcaughtupabit
.Wear r
ivedata
beautif
ulhouse,
andt
hegateopenedandwedr ove
hi
m.

Him:I’
m sor
ryIhavet
ogot owork,butmake
your
selff
eelathome.I
’l
ltr
ygetoffearl
y.
Heshowedmet
omyr
oom,
“thanksagai
n.”
Hi
m:That
’swhatfr
iendsar
efor
;Kezawi
l
lbeher
ein
af
ewhourstoo.
Me:
Alr
ightsweet
y.

Heleftmeal onei ntheirbighouse; It

ookashower
andchangedbef oret our
ingthehouse.Thehouse
wasfulloftheirpictures,from thei
rweddingand
whenKezawaspr egnantandt hebabypictures.I
t
wasbeaut i
ful.OnceIwasdonewi t
hthetourImade
teaandwentt omyr oom, Igotabitofwor kdone
andthentookanap.

IwaswokenupbyKeza;shewassmili
ngdownat
me.Isatupandshesatnextt
ome,andhuggedme,
“I
’
m sohappytoseeyou.
”
Me:
Iwi
shi
twasunderdi
ff
erentci
rcumst
ances.
Her:Oh,
thereasonyou’
reheredoesn’
tmat
ter.What
countsi
sthatyou’
reher
e.FreshenupI’
mfi
xingup
l
unch.

Downst ai
rswesatandt alkedcatchingup.Mut etel
i
andIwer einhighschool together,
hemov edbackt o
Rwandaaf terhisf at
herpassedon, totakecareof
business.Ihadn’tseenhi mi nyears,butKezast ayed
i
nSout hAf r
icaacoupl eofy oursbeforefol
lowing
him andIhav en’tseenhersi ncethenei t
her.Sothis
wasni ce,i
twasl ikeoldt i
mes, j
ustthattheystayed
togetherwhilethingsdidn’twor koutbetweenSpha
andme.

Ist
ayedwiththem for2weekswi thoutany
communicati
onfrom Khenanwhatsoev er.I
twasa
wonderf
ulminiholi
day,Ithoughtalotaboutmyli
fe
andthedir
ecti
onIwant edtotake.
IgotbacktoSouthAfr
icaanditwasaFr iday
morning,Idr
ovetomyhouseandf oundthelett
erI
hadleftf
orKhenanexactl
ywherelefti
t.Hehadn’t
comet olookforme,
Iguesshisdecisi
onwasf i
nal
andIjusthadtomoveonwi t
hmyl if
e.

Lat
eront hateveni
ngIrecei
vedacallf
rom Mbali
,
andshewant edustodosupperonSat ur
dayevening
att
hisrooftoprest
aur
ant.Iagr
eed,shesaidi
twould
bespecialandIneedtodressup.
Sat
urdaymorni
ngIwaswokenupbymymot
her
’s
cal
l
,“mom.”
Her
:HappyBi
rt
hdaybaby
!(Shest
art
edsi
ngi
ng)
Me:
Ist
hatt
oday
?
Her:
Whatdoy
oumean?What
’sgoi
ngonwi
thy
ou
baby?
Me:
I’
vej
ustbeenbusyandi
tsl
i
ppedmymi
nd.
Her:Youneedtopl
easegetoutoft
hatmood
becausethespai
scomingtoyourhouse,
whoop!
Me:
Didy
ouj
ustsay‘
whoop’
Her
:Getyourmi
ser
abl
eassupandcl
ean,
we’
l
lbe
t
hereat9am

ShecutthecallandIcheckedmycal endarandshe
wasright
,thereitwas.Iletoutasighanddr agged
myselfoutofbed,andint otheshower.Aftert
hatI
wentdownst ai
rsandmi xedami mosaandwent
out
sideformymor ni
ngci garet
te.
Wast hi
smyl ifenow?Isthi
sit?GoshIwas
mi serabl
e,Khenanchosehi sdrugsoverme,I’
m
get t
ingold,Ihavenochil
drenandI ’
m goi
ngtodie
alone.Tearsst ar
tedcomingdownmyey esandI
cried.Iwentinsideandpouredanothermimosa;by
thet i
me‘ t
hespa’ ar
ri
vedIwasf eeli
ngabitt
ipsy.

Sam:
Arey
oudr
unk?
Me:
No,
whatwoul
dmakey
out
hinkt
hat
?
Phume:Ohbaby
,Iknowwhat’
shappeni
ngher
e.
You’
reget
ti
ngol
dandit’
shi
tt
ingyou.
Me:
Leav
emeal
one.
Phume: Lookati tthi
sway ,
you’r
enotev en30y et
andlookwhaty ouhaveachieved?Culi
naryschool,3
rest
aurants,choppedjudge,GordonfuckingRamsay
wantswor kwi t
hy ou,youhavethemostgor geous
famil
ythatlovesy ousomuch.
Me:
Khenandoesn’
twantme.

Istar
tedcryi
ngall
ov eragain,“
ohhoneyyoudon’t
evenknowt hehal
fofi t
.”Theyall
huggedmeand
aft
erIstart
edfeel
ingbet t
erwestart
edwithourspa,
wegotourmassagesandourhai rdoneandnail
s.
Wehadl unchandlazedar oundabitunt
ilmom
camei n,
"wecangetr eadynow.!!
"
Me:Pl
easedon’
ttel
lmet
hatsupperi
sli
keabi
rt
hday
par
tyf
orme.
Her
:Youguessedr
ight
.Andher
eisy
ourdr
ess,
ther
e
i
satheme.
Me:
YouknowIhat
ethemepar
ti
es.
Her
:ItwasZenonandDumi
’
sidea.
Me:
What
’st
het
heme?
Her
:It
’sasur
pri
se.

Isi
ghedandwewentt othebedr oom, t
hegi rl
sleft
mewi thmom andwegotdr essed.Mydr esswas
l
il
ac,withlacesleev esandanopenback.I twas
poufyli
kemybal l
erinaski r
ts,Ipickedshoesf r
om
myclosetandl ookedatmom, “accessories?”she
shookherhead, “youl ookper fect.
”Shej uststaredat
me,okwei rd.Wef inishedupandweheadedout ,she
wasinal ongdress, mat chingt hecolorofmi newi t
h
ali
ttl
ebitoflacetoo.Wewentout sideandt here
wasal i
mousi newai tingforus, thedriv
eropened
andwewenti n,“
thisi sabi tmuchwoul dn’tyou
say?”
Her:Taki
ngal
lyourf
ri
endst
oJamai
cai
smuch,
champagne?
Me:
Yespl
ease.

Werodetal
ki
ngabouthowI ’
m gett
ingol
dandshe
sai
dshewantsgrandchi
l
dren.Il
aughedsoloudI
coul
dn’
thel
pit
;chancesofmehav i
ngchil
drenwere
between0t onone.Idr ankther estofmydr i
nkas
wear r
ivedatt her est
aurant;itwasqui etsoIguess
everyonest il
l t
houghti twasasur pri
se.Wewal ked
upthest ai
rsandmom st oppedme, “ok,I’
m goingto
goinwheny ouheart hebellring, youopent hedoor
andl ooksur prised.”Irol
ledmyey esandgi ggled.I
waitedf orthebel landIpushedt hedooropenandI
couldn’tbelievewhatIwasseei ng.Zenonand
Dumi sani st
oodonei t
hersideofme; Sam gav emea
bouquetoff lowersandcov eredmyf acewithal i
lac
netv eil
.IsawKhenanst andingatt heendoft hei sl
e
andt het ear
sst ar
tedgushingdownmycheeks.
Dumi andZeebot hhuggedme, “don’tcrybaby .
”
Dumi ki
ssedmycheek, “
yourf iancéiswai ti
ngf or
you.”

MybodywasshakingIt
ookadeepbreathandDumi
si
gnal
edatLakhi
weandtheystart
edplay
ing.Ifr
oze,
myheartwasbeat
ingsofastandmyfeetwouldn’t
move.
*
***
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Istoodatt healterl ookingatmyf ri

endsandf amil
y
standi
ngl ookingatmyf utur ewi f
e.Shedi dn’tmov e,
shewasj ustst andi ngt her eandIdi dn’
tknowwhat
wasgoi ngon.Iwasst artingt osweat ;thiswassuch
abadi dea!Sheaskedmet ol eavethedr ugwor ld
andIpl anaweddi ngbehi ndherback.Il ookedup
tr
y i
ngtost opthet ear sf rom f all
ing,Ibl
inkeda
coupleoft i
mesandmyhear tnear l
ystoppedwhenI
heardt hemusi cpl aying.Il ookeddownt hei sleandI
sawThandowal kingt owar dsme, Ismiledl ikea
chimpanzeeandt het ear sf elldownmyf ace.She
wasal socr y
ingandsmi l
ingatt hesamet i
me.Al lour
fr
iendsandf amilywer egr aspi ngatherasshemade
herwayt owar dsme.

ZenonandDumi shookmyhandandhandedmy
bri
deov ertome,“I
’m goingtof
uckenkil
lyou.”She
whisperedaswest eppedtowardsthepri
est.We
st
oodi nfrontoft
hepr i
estandhestart
ed,the
ceremonywassweetandshor t
.Wedi dn’tsayour
ownv owsbecauseThandowoul dn’tbepr epared
enough.Islippedtheri
ngonherf ingerandshecr ied
asIrepeatedt hewordaftert
hepr i
est,sheputt he
fi
ngeronmyr ingfi
ngertoo.Ourfamilyandf ri
ends
wereallscreamingandcheer i
ngwhenIwast oldto
ki
ssmywi fe,Iputmyarm aroundherwai standbent
herbackwar dsandkissedherli
kei twast hefi
rst
ti
meev er.
Shetappedmyshoul dert ostop;Ipull
edherbackup
andpeckedherl ips.Wet urnedaroundt of ace
every
one, “
ladi
esandgent l
emen,Ipresentt oy ouMr.
andMr s.DeCosta. ”Ev eryonecheeredandwe
j
umpedt hebroom.Wewal keddownt hei slewi t
h
every
onewast hrowingr i
ceatusandcl apping.
Thandowassmi lingfr om eartoearandIwasso
happysheagr eedt ot his.Wegoti ntothel i
mousi ne
anddroveaway ;
shel ookedatmespeechl ess,“I
l
ov eyousomuch. ”Iletoutasi ghofr eli
ef,“Ilove
youtoomyhear t.
”
Her
:Howdi
dyoumanaget
opul
lthi
sof
f?
Me:
asknoquest
ionsandhearnol
i
es.
Her
:Ican’
tbel
i
evewe’
remar
ri
ed,
am Idr
eami
ng?

Iki
ssedherli
ps,“you’
reawake, andthisissoreal
!”I
couldn’
texpl
ainthehappinessIwasf eeli
ngri
ght
now, myheartwasstil
lbeati
ngsof ast.Andatear
escapedmyey es,Thandowi peditawayandcupped
mycheeki nherhand,“Il
ovey ousomuchbaby .
”
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
[
11/
23,
17:
25]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode91

*
***
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
*

Wear riv
edatt hesecondpar toft hewedding;
Khenanl edmei nt
oar oom wher eIgottochoose
fr
om 3dr essest owearf orther estofthenight.Thi
s
ti
met hedr esseswer ewhite.Iwasf eel
inghotwith
exci
tementandadr enali
ne,Ipi ckedoutt helong
fl
owyski rtwithathighhighsl i
talongwi ththewhite
l
acesl eevedcr optop.Justani nchofmyski nwas
showing.Mal iandPhumewal kedi n,“
youbloody
bi
tches!
”
Phume:It
oldy
ounott
owor
rybecauset
husman
l
ovesyousomuch.
Me:
Idi
dn’
tthi
nky
ouwer
etal
ki
ngaboutaweddi
ng!
Mbali
:soshoul
dwehav
erui
nedt
hebeaut
if
ul
sur
pri
se?
Me:
wel
l
…
Phume:
ohshutup,
sitl
etmef
ixy
ourhai
r.

Wetalkedabitwhil
etheyfaf
fedovermeunti
lwe
werecall
edoutbecausetheceremonywasaboutt
o
st
art.

Wewer eintroducedasMr .andMr s.Itwasoutsi

de.
Itwasnowdar kandt her
ewer el i
ghtshangi
ng
everywhereandt housandsoff lowers.Theeveni
ng
wentonwi thspeechesf rom fri
endsandf amil
y.I
wassur pr
isedtoseeTar eckt here;Il
eanedoverand
whisperedinKhenan’sear ,“What’shedoinghere?”
Khenan:
Hei
smybr
other
.
Me:Samebrot
herwhodidal
lthatshi
ttous,
thatwe
f
oundinCubawherePabl
okeptyoucapti
ve.
Khenan:
Canwetal
kaboutt
hisl
aterpl
ease,
let
’sj
ust
enj
oyourni
ght
.

Isi
ghedandt ookasipofmychampagneandf aked
asmile.Overallt
heweddingwentwellev
eryone
washav i
ngabl ast
,Iwasslowdancingwi
thKhenan
whenDumi canover,
“mayI?”Ismi
ledathim and
Khenanhandedmeov ert
omydadandwedanced.
Hi
m:Howar
eyouf
eel
i
ngmyangel
?
Me:
I’
m happy
.
Hi
m:I
’
m gl
ad,
Iwasn’
ttoosur
eyou’
dgowi
thi
t.
Me:
Mewhy
?
Him:Becauseyoudisappearedfort
woweeksto
comebackt oaweddi ng.Iknowyou’
recr
azyand
youcoul
dhav eshutthisthi
ngdown.
Me:
Dad,
Khenanhaspr
oposedt
omel
i
keami
l
li
on
t
imes,
itwasj
ustaboutt
imei
thappened.
Him:Iknowbaby
,andhei
sagoodguy
.Asl
ongas
you’
rehappy
!
Me:
Iam.

Heki ssedmycheekandwedancedunt i
lmom came
totakehermanback.Iwassi ttingalonewhen
Kalisacamet ositnexttome, andIhonest l
ywasn’t
i
nt hemood.Andl uckyformeKhany ispot t
edme,
shecamet omeandputherhandsupf ormet opick
herup.Shesatonmyl apandsheki ssedmeonmy
l
ips, “
nowy ou’remyr ealmommy .
”Myhear tmelted,
andIwasaboutt oanswerbef oreKal isajumpedi n,
“ohmyangel ,Khensani issti
llyourmom, Thandois
j
usty ourf ather’swife.”Shesai dgivingmeasneer
andIdi dn’texpectwhatcamenextf rom Khany i,
“did
shet el
lyout hat?When?Becauseshel eftmeso
l
ongago. ”Kal i
sa’sjawdr oppedandKhenancoul dn’t
havecomeatabet t
ert i
me, “
myf avoriteladies.
”
Kalisajustst oodupcl i
ckinghert ongueandshe
walkedaway ,“di
dIsaysomet hingwr ong? ”Ishook
myheadandpointedatKhany
i wi
thmyeyes,
Khenanshr
uggedhisshoul
dersastoaskwhatshe
di
d.Wewereinter
rupt
edbyKhanyi,“
daddyI
’m
sl
eepy.
”
Khenan:That
’swhyI
’
m her
e.You’
regoi
nghomewi
th
auntTyonna.
Khany
i:Iwantt
ogohomewi
thmommy
.
Khenan:Nott
odaybaby
.We’
regoi
ngt
ofi
nisht
he
wedding.

Khanyisul
ked,
“wetal
kedaboutt
his.We’l
lbebacki
n
2weeks.”Asmilecr
eptovermyf
ace; Idi
dali
tt
le
happydancewithawhoopwhoopinmyhead.This
onl
ymeantonet hi
ng,HONEYMOON! !
Khanyiki
ssedus, andTyonnat ookher,shehugged
meandherbr otherandt hentheywalkedof f.
Khenangavemehi shandandIhel doni tandstood
up,hescoopedmeupbr i
dalstyl
eandwal ked
towardst
heexi t
.Everyonewasscr eamingand
shouti
ngafterus,wegoti nt
oour‘ j
ustmar r
ied’Rol
l
s
RoyceDawn.
Khenandr oveoffandthetinsweremakinganoise
againsttheroadasIwav edateveryonebef
orewe
disappeared.Isatbackdown,“wherearewegoing?
”
Iputmyheadonhi sshoulder,
hekissedmy
forehead.
Hi
m:You’
ret
oonosey
,that
’sy
ourpr
obl
em.
Me:
What
ever

Wedr ovetot heairpor tandboar dedt hej et

,when
i
nsidewewai tedfort akeofandwhent hepilotsaid
i
twasal ri
ghtKhenanunbuckl edourbel tsandhe
mademest andi nf r
ontofhi m andhel ookedmei n
theeye,“babyIl ovey ousomuch…”Ismi l
ed,“Ilove
yout-”Hekissedmyl ips, “
Sshhhh, *kiss*y out al
k
toomuch.Idi dn’tthinky ouwoul dgot hroughwi th
today’
splansandIt ookar i
sk;andI ’
m sohappyy ou
agreedbecauseIdon’ tthinkmyhear twasgoi ngt o
survi
vether ejecti
on.We’ vebeent hroughsomuch
thepastcoupl eofy ear sandi tsti
l
l boggl esmewhy
youstil
ll
ov emeev enaf teral
l t
hepai nIcausedy ou.
You’veaccept edme, andal lmybul lshit;butmost
i
mpor tantlymychi ldren.Ther eisnoot herwomani n
thi
swor ldthati sbet terf i
tfortheroleofbei ng
mot hertomychi ldren, buty ou.Iam happywi thmy
choice,andIam sogr atefultobey ourchoi cet oo.I
j
ustwantt osayt hatf rom t odayonwar dsIpr omi se
nottohur ty oui nany waywhatsoev er.From her eon
i
twi l
ljustber ainbowsandcupcakes.Youar enow
myot herhal f,yoursi l
lyassmakesmel aughandy ou
makemeconsi derwhenI ’
m aboutt ober ash.You’ re
theonet hatf indsmewhenI ’
mlost,li
keliterally.I
vowt omakemyl i
fef or everyoursandbui ldmy
dreamsar oundy ou.Ipr omiset obet hemant hatI
seenowi ny ourey es, today, t
omorrowandf or
always.Ipr omi set ol i
st en,tohear,andt oal way s
consideryourf eelingsandt hought
saswet r
av el
togetheront hisjour ney .”

Thetearswerejuststr
eamingdownmyf ace;I
st
oppedt r
yingtowipethem offbecauseitwasn’t
worki
ng.Khenankissedmyl i
psandcont i
nued,“I’
ll
st
opt her
ebecausey ou’
rebeingsuchacr ybaby.”
Welaughed, “
ButbabyIlov
ey ousomuch, andthank
youformaki
ngmet hehappiestmanintheworl
d.”
Wekisseddeepl
y,af
terhegavemeahugandI
buri
edmyheadinhischestwetti
nghisshir
tand
messingi
twithmymakeup.Webr okeourhugand
wenttofr
eshenupandchange.

Imusthav efal l
enasl eepbecauseIwaswokenup
byKhenanhol dingacamcor der,“babywe’ r
eabout
toland.Youneedt oseet his.”Irubbedmyey es,“get
thatthingoutofmyf ace. ”Isatup, andl ookedout
thewi ndow,“
SHUTUP! !NO! !BABY! !GREECE!!”I
j
umpedont ohi slapandgav ehim aki ssandhugged
him,“Thanky ou, Thanky ou, Thanky ou.”Hewasst il
l
holdi
ngt hecamcor derandsmi l
i
ngl ikea
chimpanzee,“I’m glady oul oveit.”Ikissedhim again
andwentt othebat hroom andf reshenedupand
brushedmyt eet h.

Wel andedandwenttoav i
ll
athatKhenanhad
bookedinSantor
ini
,overl
ooki
ngtheseaand
beaches.Iwasti
red,butIwant
edtogot othebeach,
“
baby
,canwegoswi
mmi
ng?
”
Khenan:We’
reher
efor2weeks,wecandothat
tomorr
ow.Wehavebeenintheairf
or30oddhour
s.

Hegotof fthebedandstoodinf r
ontofmewhi leI
sulked,hepeckedmyl ips,
“all
(kiss)I(
kiss)want
(ki
ss)t o(ki
ss).
”Hewasnowki ssingmyneck, “
Is
makel ov etomywife.
”Iblushedwhenhecal l
edme
that.Isteppedawayfrom him andlookedupathim,
“Il
ov eyoumyhusband. ”
Hi
m:AndIl
ovey
ouMr
s.DeCost
a.
Me:
Mrs.Khumal
o-DeCost
a

Hefr
owned,“
youwish.
”Ir
oll
edmyeyesandwal
ked
awayfr
om hi
m,“hehe,
Thandoy
outhinkI
’
mjoki
ng?”

*
***
***
***
***
***Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

If
oll
owedheri
ntot
hebat
hroom andshewas
alr
eadynakedi nt heshower ,Igoti nandshemade
nor oom f orme.Ichuckl edt omy selfpi cki
ngherup
andl eani ngheragai nstt heshowerwal l
s.Herl egs
automat ical l
ywr appedar oundmywai standIwent
i
nandki ssedher ,weki ssedpassi onat elywithher
cli
trubbi ngagai nstmypubi cboneandshewas
moani ngsof tly
.Iki ssedherneckwi thmyhandon
herass, Isl owlyent er
edmyf i
ngeri nt oherf rom the
backandshel etoutanot hermoani ntomyear .She
wasdr ippingwetal ready , Iposi t
ionedheronmy
shaftandent eredhersl owl y,“Mr s.DeCost a.”Isaid
asIsl ammedi nt oherhar der ,hernai l
scl awedi nto
myback.Shej ustmoanedcl i
ngi ngont omybody ,
“Khu…ma…al o-DeCost aaaaah…ohf uckbaby .
”I
wentdeeperanddeeperunt i
lshewasbr eathingin
shortbr eat hs, “ah…ah. .
ah. .Rightt her eba. ..Baby …
ahhhhh…ohy esssbaaabbby !
”sher eachherpeak
anddughernai lsdeeperi nt omyback, herwal l
s
huggedmi neandIt hr
ustonel astt i
meandst i
ffened
whiler eleasi ngmyj ui
cesi nher …
Iki
ssedhernose,
“Il
ovey
ouMr
s.DeCost
a.”
Thando:
Hhmm.
Weshower
edandwentt
orest
.
Thandowasl yi
ngonmychestandshej ustsai
d
randomly
,“may beweshouldgetoffthepil
lnow
seeingt
hatwe’v emadeitof
fi
ci
al.”Imadeherlook
upatme, “whatwasthatbaby?”
Thando:
Weshoul
dtr
yforababynowt
hatwe’
re
marri
ed.
Me:
Arey
oubei
ngser
ious.

Shenodded,Ir
oll
edont opofherandl
ookedather
i
ntheeyes,“
babyI’m ser
ious,
Ithi
nkwe’
reready
.”I
ki
ssedhernose.

*
***
***
***
***
***Thando *
***
***
***
***
***
***

Khenanstar
edatmeindi
sbel
ief
,tear
sthreat
ened
hi
sey esandheki
ssedmynose,“
thankyou.”
Me:
I’
m notpr
egnanty
et.Thankmewheny
ou’
re
hol
dingourbundl
eofj
oyi
nyourar
ms.
Him:Il
ovey
ousomuch,
whydi
dn’
tImar
ryy
ou
sooner
?
Me:Cozy
ouwer
einacomaf
orGodknowshow
l
ong.

Helaughedandbi tmynose; wet alkedaboutt he

topi
cuntilwef ellasleep.Whenwewokeupt hesun
hadjustsetandwemi ssedt hewhol et hing.Wehad
supperatani cerest aurantbyt hebeach, ev enafter
thesunhadsett hepl acewasst il
lbr eat htaking.The
eveni
ngendedwi thawal kont hebeach, thenext
daywespentt hedayont hewat eronay acht.The
wholeweekwasj ustbeaut if
ul;wel ef tGr eecet o
spendtheremai nderofourhoney mooni nIstanbul.
Thiswasgr eat,Khenanr eall
youtdi dhi msel f.AndI
didanumberonhi scr editcard,theshoesandbagsI
camebackwi th.Khenanwoul dcompl ainev eryti
me
weenteredamal l hencet helast2day swespent
j
ustsiteseeing.
Aweekaf terwegotback,wemov edintotheglass
housef i
nally,
wit
hthechildr
en.Kalisawasst il
li
n
SouthAf r
icauponourreturnwhichIdi dn’t
understandbecauseshemadei tclearthatshe
doesn’tseemef itt
obet hechil
dren’smot her.

IwokeuponMondaymor ni
ngandIwasexci ted
aboutmydoct or’
sappoi ntment ,
Iwentdownst ai
rs
andmadebr eakfast,thehousewasbuzzi ngby6am,
Kalisa,Khenan, Keenan, Abebi,Tareck,Kalisaand
theki ds.Idi
dn’treali
zehoworwhyt herewer eso
manyofusi nt hehousewheni twasj ustsupposed
tobemeandmyhusbandandourki ds.Iwasi n
suchagr eatmoodt hatIdecidedt ogowi thit,I
’l
l
addr esstheissuel ater.Thekidswer ereadyandwe
headedt omycar ,“Thando. ”Iturnedaroundand
sawKhenanst andingi nhispajamapant s,topless
holdingacupofcof f
ee, “Yeah?”hegav emet hel ook,
“gety ourassov erher e!!
”
Ismi
ledbecauseIknewIforgottokisshi
m goodbye,
Iwal
kedovertoohim andstoodonmyt oesand
pout
edupathim,“I’
l
ldivor
cey ourasssoqui
ck!”I
giggledandhepeckedmyl ipsandIpull
edaway ,
“try
me! ”hegr abbedmyasswi thhi
sfreehandandgav e
meadeeperki sswhichleftmeal i
tt
ledi
zzyandlight
headed, “nowt akemychi l
drentowork,I
’l
lseeyouat
thedoct orlater.
”Ismil
edlikeanidi
otandpunched
him playfull
y,“Il
oveyoutoo,”Isai
dasIwal kedaway
from him.

Idroppedt hekidsof f; Imustadmi tthiswasso

muchf un.Andf unny, ourcarr ideswer einthe
mor ni
ngwast hebest .Thechi ldrenhadener gyand
theyhadl otsofst ori
es, buttheki ll
eriscell
opr actice
dates,Lakhiwecar ryingt hathugecasewasaki ll
er.
Wehadhi redhim apr ivat
etut orandhewas
i
mpr ovingv er
ywel l
.Ihear dev enment i
onofJui ll
i
ar d,
thi
sboymeantbusi ness.Idr oppedt hem offand
l
aughedal lt
hewayt omyappoi ntmentwithAt andwa,
Ihadn’tseenhi mi nfor ever,sinceIwentt oCubat o
getmymanbackt obeexact .Iroll
eduponsi teand
hiscarwasal r
eadyt her e.Iwasner vousbecauset he
l
astt i
mewespokeheseemeddi sappoint
edi nme
getti
ngbackwi thKhenan.Idon’ tevenknowwhy ,he
knewKhenanwasapartofmyli
fe,
andi
nnowaydi
d
Il
eadhi
mi nt
obel
iev
ingsuch.

Igotoutt hecarandt herewasal otofpr ogress,I

gotexcited.Iwashandedahar dhatatt hegat eand
Ispott
edAt andwaandmademywayt ohi m.Hewas
standi
ngwi thsomeguy st hatleftasIappr oached,
“Heyyou. ”Ismi l
ed,buthedi dn’treturnmysmi le,
“Mrs.DeCost a,
howar eyou? ”Heputouthi shandi n
thecoldestwayev er,Ihesitatedandshookhi shand,
wet al
kedaboutt hebui l
dingandhet ookmear ound
toseet hepr ogress.Hewal kedmet othegat eofthe
sit
eandt henendedwi th,“getyourassi stanttocall
mesowecanschedul ethenextmeet ing. ”
Me:
Atandwar
eal
l
ynow?
Hi
m:What
?
Me:
Nev
ermi
nd.

Ishov
edthehardhati
ntohi
sstomachandwal
ked
awaytomycar.WhenIgottomecarhewassti
l
l
standingt
herelooki
ngatme.Il eftthesi
teandwent
tomyof fi
ce;Ihada12h00bef oremyappoi nt
ment .I
gotthereandwasgr eet edbyNont o,whohadat one
ofmessagesf ormeandoneoft hem wasa
messagef rom myappoi nt
mentwhowascancel l
ing
onme.Ohf uckmysi deway s,Isatinmyof fi
ceand
repli
edemai l
sandorder edlunch.Thephoner ang
anditwasNont o,“i
st hatmyl unch? ”shel
aughed,
“yesandsomeoneonei sheret oseey ou.
”
Me:
Who?
Her
:MrNkwal
i
.
Me:
Argt
ell
himt
ogodi
e.
Her
:Uhm whatma’
am?
Me:
Bri
nghi
minandgi
vehi
m myl
unch.

Iwasangr y,
butwashappybecausemay bewecan
bef r
iendsagain.Thi
scol dnessbetweenuswasn’ t
goingtowor kforme; may beIshouldn’thavemixed
mypr ivat
eli
fewi t
hwor k.Myphoner angagainas
Atandwawal kedin;Ianswer edi
tandsi gnaledf
or
himt ocomei nwi t
hmyf i
nger.Thecallwasf r
om my
dadonmycel lphone; Ifi
nishedupwi t
hhi m and
foundAt andwasi t
tingonmycouch.Ial most
screamedbecausehewasl ookingdirt
yandmy
coucheswewhi te.ButIsooncomposedmy sel
fand
satdownnextt ohim, “uhm, hi
.”Hejustlookedatme
anddi dn’
tsayany thing,soIstartedagain,“
didwe
l
eav eany t
hingouti nthemor ning?”
At
andwa:Uhm,no.ThandoI
’
m sor
ryf
oract
ingt
he
wayIdi
dinthemorni
ng.
Me:
Hmm.
Atandwa: I
t’
sjustthatIwasjealous…Thandoy ou
don’tdeservetheshitthi
smanhasputy out hrough…
Ihateseeingyouhur ti
ngandt obehonestwi thy ouI
havefeeli
ngsfory ouandIcantkeept hem inside,I
don’tknowhowt ohidethem anymoreespeci all
y
aft
erIfoundouty oumar ri
edtheguy .It
hinkmay be
youshouldhav egivenmeaheadsup.
Me: Ididn’tknowabouttheweddingandevenifIdi
d
know, Ididn’tknowyouhadfeel
ingsforme.Uhm,
I’
m sorrytoputy oui
ntheposi
ti
onyou’rei
n,butI
l
ovemyhusband.Andify
ouf
eel
wecan’
twor
k
t
oget
her
,I’
l
lunderst
and.
Atandwa:Idon’
tknowifI’
l
lbeabl
etostayaway
fr
om youThando,it
’snotj
ustf
eel
ings.I
’
minlove
withyou.

Ididn’
tknowhowt orespondtothat
,Igotup,
“Ithi
nk
youshouldleave.
”Hegotup, “ThandoIhadtotell
you,Iunder
standy oudon’tl
ovemebackorwantt o
hearthi
sbutIdol oveyou.”
Me:
Pleasest
opi
t;Ineedy
out
ogonow!

Iwalkedov ertothedoortoopenitforhim,heshut
thedoor.Ijuststoodther
eshocked, “
Atandwaleav-
”
Ididn’
tevenf i
nishmysent encewhenIfelthi
sli
ps
onmi ne,Istoodtherefr
ozenandhedi dn’
tmov efor
awhi l
e.Het henopenedhisl i
psandhedeepened
thekissandIdi dn’
tstophim.Isooncamebackt o
mysensesandpushedhi m away,“
OUT!”
Atandwal ef
tt heof f
iceandIwasl eftshockedand
confused,Ithoughtaboutt heki
ssandIadmi ttedt o
myi nnerselfthatitwasagoodki ssandIhad
butter
fli
esinmyt ummy .Myphoner anganditwas
Khenanandt henIwasf il
l
edwi t
hguiltandIdidn’t
answerhi scall.Ihadmyl unchandt henheadedt o
thedoctorandIcal l
edKhenanbacki nthecar,“hey
wifey.
”Ismi l
edandbl ushedt omyself,
“howar ey ou
myhusband? ”
Hi
m:I
’
m good,
Itr
iedy
ouear
li
er.
Me:
Sor
rybabywasi
nameet
ing.
Hi
m:Thoughtso,
wher
ear
eyou.
Me:
About5mi
nut
esf
rom t
hedoct
or.You?
Hi
m:Wai
ti
ngf
ory
ou.
Me:
Alr
ightI
’
llber
ightt
her
e.
[
11/
23,
17:
25]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode92

Icutt
hecal
landdrovetothedoctorwher
eIfound
myhusbandwait
ingforme,Igavehim apeckonthe
l
ipsandwewait
edt obecall
ed.Wespoket othe
doct or,andweopt ednott ouset hefer t
il
ity
medi cationbutwor kedont heov ul
ationchar tshe
gav eus.Luckyf orusIwasact ual l
yov ulati
ng,the
mi nutewegotbackt ot hecarKhenanwant edt oget
i
nt omypant srightint heparkingl ot,“sl
owdown
ti
ger .Wai tti
llwegethome. ”Hegav emeanaught y
smi l
e, “
whywhenwehav eabackseatt oat inted
car ?
”hewi nked.Igi ggledasIt riedtogetoutofhi s
grip.Islippedawayandr anaroundt hecar ;hest ood
ont heopposi t
esi de, “youdoingmel iket hi
s?I ’
m
goingt ot eachy oual esson.”Ilaughedoutl oud,
“You’ r
edr ivi
ng.”Hewal kedaroundt ot hepassenger
sidesul king,Ijustsmi l
edandst uckoutmyt ongue
andIdr oveushome.

Itookaquickshowerbeforest
arti
ngwi t
hsupper
andKhenan’sfri
endAndil
ewascomi ngoverfor
supper.SoImadesomet hi
ngspecial,t
hekidsand
Kali
sahadanear l
ysupperanddisappearedinto
thei
rbedroomswhi l
eKhenan,KeenanandIhad
supperwithAndil
eontheporchalit
tlebitl
ater.I
t
wasagr eateveni
ng,Andi
lewasagr eatguy.Ihad
methi m acoupleoftimesbef ore,buttal
kingtohi m
i
nachi ll
edenvironmentshowedmeadi ff
erentside
tohim.Khenannev erbringshi sfri
endsov er
,which
mademewonderi fheact uall
yevenhasanyapar t
fr
om hisdrugfriends.Thinkingofwhi chtherehad
beennodr ugbusinessgoi ngon, soIwashappyt hat
Khenanchosemeov erthatlif
e.Everythi
ngwas
goingwell;
wej ustnowhadt owor konmaki ngthese
babies.

Afterdi
nnerIlefttheguy sandcl eanedt heki tchen,
showeredandgoti ntobedwear i
ngsexyl eather
l
ingeri
e.Iwaitedf ormymanont hebed, layi
ngon
myt ummywor kingonmyl apt opandt hedoor
openedandKhenanwal kedi n.hest oodatt hedoor
forafewseconds, whenIlookedathi m hewas
l
ickingandbitinghislipsseduct i
v el
y.Igiggledabi t,
bit
ingmyf i
ngerandf l
ippi
ngov eront omyback.He
l
ookedatmehungr il
yandst rippedi n0. 3secondand
j
umpedont othebed, hewasont opofmef acet o
face.Hedidn’tkissmebuti nst eadjustr ubbedmy
cli
tovermyt hong, “r
emembert hecarpar k?”Ilooked
athim confused,“y
ousaidnotogiv
ingmewhat’s
mine.”Irol
l
edmyey eslet
ti
ngoutali
tt
lemoan,“I
’
m
gi
vingittoy ounow.”Hetil
tedhi
sheadwhi
lesl
iding
myt hongandi nsert
ingafi
ngeri
nme,“noI
’mtaking
i
t.”

Hedi dn’tkissmeatal l;i

nst eadher ippedmyt hong
andwentst raightf ormypeach.Hewasl ooki ngup
atmeashewor kedonmycl itandi nserti
nghi s
fi
nger sinandoutofme, Iwasbui l
di ngupandt hen
hest opped.Hegotupof fthebedandwal kedt ot he
bathroom, whatt hehel l,
“baby ?”Hedi dn’
tanswer
andIhear dt heshowerr unni ng.Iwal kedtot he
bathroom andf oundhi mt akingashower ,It
ookof f
theremai nderofmyl inger i
eandgoti nwithhim and
putmyar msar oundhi mf rom behi nd.Ist art
ed
rubbinghischestupanddown, “baby ?Whatwas
that?”het urnedar oundandl ookedatme, “t
hatwas
megi vingy ouat asteofy ourownmedi ci
ne.”Hi s
shaftwashar dagai nstmybel l
yandIknewr i
ght
thereandt henhewant edme, “
ok, Igeti t
.”Itur nedt o
walkoutt heshowerandhepul ledmebackr oughl y
slammi ngmeagai nstt hewal l withhisheadbehi nd
myheadsoIdon’ tgethur t,hegr abbedmebyt he
hairandt il
tedmyheadupandki ssedmer oughl y.
Hewasbi tingmyl i
psandf inal l
yst oppedandl etgo
ofmyhai r,myneckwasabi tsor e.Hepi ckedmeup
andputmeagai nstthecol dshowerdoorand
i
nser tedhimsel finmedeepandmov edindeepf ast
thrustswithhi shandsgr abbi ngmyasst ightly.He
kissedandsuckedonmyneckandcamei nsideme,
hisbodywast witchingandhel etoutagr unt.He
didn’tpulloutbutopenedt heshowerdoorwi thhi m
stil
linsi
demeandwal kedust othebedr oom.Idon’ t
knowwhatwasgoi ngonwi thhi m buti twasat ur n
on, hethrewmeont hebedandst oodt herelooki ng
atme.Hi sbeastwasst illhar d;hegr abbedmyr ight
ankleandpul ledmet owar dst heedgeoft hebed.He
gotmeonmykneesandst ar tedt appingmycl itwi th
hismanhood; Iwasl ettingoutmoansandbi ti
ngmy
l
ips.Andoutoft hebl uehewenti nhar dwi thouta
war ningIscreamedsol oudt henhecameoutagai n.
Her epeatedt hepr ocessf orsomet i
mebef orehe
grabbedmyhi p.Icoul dn’tmov e,hisgripwast oo
ti
ghtandhekeptdr il
li
ngi ntomef asterandf aster .I
fel
tahar dslaponmyl eftbuttcheek, andthat’
s
whenmybodygav ein.mywal lsti
ghtenedar ound
him andIst artedt
wi t
chi ng,andhemoanedl oudl y.I
fel
tanot herhotslaponmybut t
,heputonef ooton
thebedandwenti nhar derandIf el
thi sdi
ck
twit
chi nginsidemeandhi swarmj ui
ces.Hel etout
anothergr untandpulledout ,
mybodycame
crushingt othebedbr eat hi
ngheav i
ly.Khenanwent
i
ntot hebat hroom andcamebackwi thawar mt owel
andcl eanedmeupandt henhi mself
.Heputmei nto
bedgent lyandgoti nnextt ome, wecuddledt i
llthe
mor ning.

Iwokeupinthemor
ningfeel
i
ngsosoreandKhenan
wasn’ti
nbedwit
hme.Iwenttotheshowerand
Khenanwalkedi
nal
readyi
nhissui
t.

*
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
**

“
Babyhav
ey ouseenmyphone? ”I
’
dspentanhour
l
ooki
ngever
ywherefori
t.Thandorepl
i
ed,
“Good
morningt
oyout
oohoney.
”Iopenedt
heshower
doorandgav
eherapeck,
“hi
.”
Thando:AndnoIhav
en’
tseeny
ourphone.Usemi
ne
tocal
lit
.
Me:
Wher
eisy
our
s?
Thando:
Dressi
ngt
abl
e

Il
eftheri ntheshowerandIgotherphoneunl ocking
i
twi t
hmyt humbprint.Amessagecamei n,Icall
ed
myphoneandi twasonv oi
cemai l,f
uck!Anot her
messagecamei n,Icheckeditincasei twas
i
mpor tantandIcoul dn’
tbel
ievemyey es…f uckthis
shit
.Ileftthephoneandheadeddownst air
s,
grabbedmykey sandheadingout .Iwassof ucking
angryandIneededt odealwit
ht hi
sonceandf or
al
l…Ispedof f
.

*
***
***
***
***
***
*Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
**

Igotoutoft
heshowerandKhenanwasn’
tint
he
room, Igotdr essedandwentdownst airsandhest i
ll
wasn’tt here.Icheckedev erywher eandnot hing, not
evenagoodby e.Idi aledhi snumber ,andv oicemai l
;
whenIcal l
edt heof ficehi srecept i
onistsai dhe
wasn’tt here.Ohwel l,guesshedi dn’tfindhi s
phone…Ihadaf reeday ,thekidswer eatschool and
Iwasi nt hehouseal one.Ihadbr eakfastandIwent
downt ot hebasement ;t
ot heempt yspacei nthe
house, sincewehadn’ tli
v edher elongenoughsome
ofther oomswer ev acantandweneededt of igur e
outwhatt odowi tht hem…Ihadaf ewi deasabouta
gym andaci nemaasweonl yhadamov i
er oom t hat
wasn’tev ent hatbi g, thenIwal kedintoasmal lroom.
Perfect,Lakhi wewi lllovet hisandt henwewoul dn’t
havet ohearhi m pl ay i
ngi nhisr oom al lni
ght .Don’ t
getmewr ong, hepl ay slikeanangel butIdon’ twant
toheari tev erydayal ldayandni ght.Andt hent he
nextroom woul dbeKhany i’
sdancest udiosi nceshe
i
sdoi ngt hisbal letthi ng.Idon’ tgetit
, butshel ov es
i
t.WhenIwasi nschool onl ythewhi tepeopl edi d
ball
et,soherasabl ackchi lditbeatsme.Iwr ot e
downsomenot esandwentbackupst airst omakea
fewcal l
st omakei thappen.Iwentanddi dal i
ttl
e
shoppingbeforepi cki
ngt hechildr
enup, IgotKhany i
fi
rstwhowasexci tedtoseeme.I thadbeenl ong
si
nceweact ual
lyhadsomeal onetime,wedr ovet o
anicecream shopandwesatdownt otalk.Lakhiwe
sentmeamessaget hatLondi’sparentswouldt ake
him home.Iquicklydi daf ol
l
owupcal lwithher
mom andsheconf ir
medshewoul dt akethem for
supperbeforebringinghim home.Iguessbecausei t
wasFr i
day,ever
y thinggoes, “
guesswhat ?”
Khany
i:Uhm,
we’
reeat
ingmor
eicecr
eam?
Me:Nope,
Iwasthi
nkingcandyf
lossandaf
ew
gamesatt
hefunf
air
!
Khany
i:Ar
eyouser
ious!
!

Shejumpedupanddownonherseat ,
“ l
et’
sgo!Let
’s
go!Let’
sgo.
”Shemadeherwayt owardsthedoor,
shesoundedli
keherf
atherwhenIwast aki
ngto
l
ongt ogetr
eady.
Me:
Youri
cecr
eam?
Her
:OhnoMommy
,icecr
eam i
snoti
mpor
tant
compar
edt
othef
unf
air
.

Il
aughedandgotmybagandweheadedof f,l
ucki
ly
i
twasn’tbusy.Wegotourt icketsandboughtour
couponsandstartedplayi
ng.Shewentonal most
ever
ysingl
eride,
hadabout3t off
eeapplesandI
don’
tknowhowmuchcandyf loss.Bytheti
mewe
wenthomeshewasexhaust ed,Icarr
iedhertothe
carwit
hallherwinningsandIdr oveushome,
“Mommy ?”
Me:
Yesbaby
Her
:Yout
hinkmyot
hermommywi
l
lcomeback?
Shesaidthi
si nal owvoice, almostsadandsl eepy
mixedtogether.Icoul
dn’texact l
ytellherthather
fat
herkil
l
edhermot her,“Idon’tknowbaby ,doy ou
missher?”Ilookedatheri nt herear
viewmi rr
orand
shenodded, “sometimes…”shepaused, “butIlove
youbeingmymommyt oo, but…”shel etoutasi gh,
“whydidshenotwantt obemymommyany mor e?”
Me:Idon’
tknowbaby,
onlyacr
azypersonwoul
dnot
wanttobemommyt osuchawesomeness.
Sheletoutagi ggl
eandshekeptqui etandsleptthe
restoftheway .WhenwegothomeIt ookher
clot
hesof fandputherinbedbef or
etakingashower .
Lakhiwear r
ivedshor
tl
yaftermeandwentt ohis
room, Khenanwasn’thomey etItri
edhiscell
and
nothi
ng.IcalledKeenan,“
I’
mi nthehousey ou
know? ”
Me:
Wel
lgety
ourassi
ntheki
tchen.
Hi
m:I
’
m busy
.
Me:
Nott
obusyt
oanswert
hephone?

Icutt
hecal lbef
orehecouldevengiv
emeawi tt
y
answer,Isatonthebarst
ool si
ppi
ngonaglassof
redwine.Keenanwalkedinputt
inghist
opon,
“wher
ei she?”
Hi
m:Who?
Me:
Don’
tpl
aydumbwi
thme!
Hi
m:Oh,
Idon’
tknow.
Me:
Ishebacki
nthi
sdr
ugr
ubbi
sh?
Hi
m:Nope.
Me:
Then?
Hi
m: ThandoIjustsai
dIdon’
tknow,
andyouaski
ng
meinadi f
fer
entwaywon’tmakemeknow.
Me:
Oh,
alr
ight
.Gety
ourl
apt
op…
Hi
m:What
?
Me:Ifyouwantt
ost
ayher
eanyl
ongery
ouwi
l
ldo
whatIsay.
Hi
m:Yout
hreat
eni
ngt
oki
ckmeout
?
Me:Honeyy
ouknowIdon’
tmakeempt
ythr
eat
s…
nowwhatwil
li
tbe?
Him:Heisn’
tdoi
ngdr
ugs,
hewentt
otal
kto
someone.
Me:
Someonewi
thoutaname?
Hi
m:Uhm,
Ifor
gott
hename.
Me:Keenan,
AREYOUFUCKI
NGWI
THMERI
GHT
NOW?
Hi
m:GeesThando,
I’
m noty
ourchi
l
d!
Me: Iwouldknowthati
fyoustoppedbehavingli
ke
one.Youar egoi
ngtotell
mewher ehedisappeared
toalldayandnight
,oryouandyourgi
rl
fri
endare
sleepi
nginthatcoupe,
sport
scarorwhat ev
eryou
calli
t.
Hi
m:Hesai
dIshoul
dn’
ttel
l
.
Me:
Getoutofmyhouse.
Hi
m:Thando!

Istoodupandwal kedaway, “
ifyou’
rehereint
he
mor ni
ngtherewil
lbehel
l t
opay .”Iwalkedupt
he
stai
rs,“
okfine,
Atandwa.”Iturnedaround,“
whatdi
d
yousay ?
”
Hi
m:y
ouhear
dme.
ME:
Why
?
Hi
m:Hesawt
hemessageony
ourphone.
Me:
Whatmessage?
[
11/
23,
17:
25]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode93
Hetur
nedar oundandwalkedaway,“
what
message?”hedidn’
tanswermeandIwenttot
he
r
oom tocheckmyphone, andther
eweret
he
messages.
Message1: Iknowy ousaidImustleaveyoualone
butIj
ustcan’tstopthi
nkingaboutyou.MaybeItook
i
ttoofarbykissingyou,butIpani
ckedanddidn’t
knowwhatt odo.May bewecansi tdownandt al
k
aboutthi
s,Iwon’ttr
yany t
hingthi
sti
me.Ijustwant
total
k.
Message2:Pleaseletmeknow,we’
l
lmeet
anywher
e.Youpickt het
imeanddat
e,l
ooki
ng
for
wardtoyourcall
.
Message3:
Ilov
eyou,
Iwasn’
tjoki
ngwhenIsai
d
t
hat.

Fucki
nghel l,
whathasKhenandone,Itr
iedhiscel
l
andsti
ll
v oicemai
l,
andItri
edAtandwaandal so
voi
cemai l
.IknowIwasn’tgoi
ngtofindthem
anywhere;Iwentbackdownstai
rsandgotabot t
leof
Ginandani cebucketwi t
hsomet onic.Iwait
edin
bedforhi m dri
nking…Iwassopi ssedof f
.21h00….
22h00…23h00st ill
not hingIwentt ohav eacigar
ett
e.
Bymi dnightIhadal r
eadyf i
nishedt hebot t
leandI
wasal readydrunk,Iwentt othet oil
etandgoti nt
o
bed.IwaswokenupbyKhenansneaki ngintobedat
3am, Isatupi mmedi ately,“wherehav eyoubeen?”
Hedi dn’tanswerme, Iswitchedt hel i
ghtsonandI
couldfeel Iwasstil
labi tundert hei nfl
uence,
“KhenanI ’
mt alki
ngt oy ou?”
Hi
m:Iwasatwor
k.
Me:
Til
l3i
nthef
ucki
ngmor
ning?
Hi
m:ThandoI
’
mti
red,
canwedot
hisi
nthemo-
Me:No,we’r
edoi
ngi
tnow,
soy
ouki
l
ledhi
m?Shot
hi
m what?
Hi
m: Whydoy
oucar
eunl
essy
ouenj
oyedt
heki
ssso
much.
Me: Icarebecauseyoucan’tgoaroundkil
li
ng
ever
y one,andnotdealwiththeconsequencesof
yourfuckingacti
ons.Yourdaughterwascloseto
tear
sbecausehermot herdi
sappearedofthefaceof
theearth,
andy oudidt hat!
!NowAt andwa,hetoo
hasadaught erli
key ouandf orwhat?Forastupid
kiss?Youknowv er
ywel lfr
om themessagest hati
t
wasonesi dedbuty oust i
l
lwentaheadwi thi
t,I
didn’
tmar r
yat hugKhenan.Youpr omi sedmet o
stopthi
s?
Hi
m:Di
dI?
Me:
yes.
Him:NoThando,
yougavemeanul
timat
um andI
gaveyouaweddi
ng.Idi
dn’
tagr
eet
ostopanythi
ng!
!!

Itf
eltli
kesomeoneshotmei ntheheart,hegotback
i
ntobedandcov er
edhisface.Iletoutaloudwail
,
andthet ear
sstart
edfall
i
ng.Whatt hehell,
Iran
downst ai
rsandgrabbedhiskeysanddr oveoff
;
barefootinmypajamas.

Ididn’
tknowwhereIwasgoing;Idr
ovearoundand
aroundunti
lIf
oundmysel
fatmypar ent
’shouse.
ThehousewasdarkandIdidn’thav
emyphonet o
callsoIjusthoot ed…Iwasi nt ear sandkeptwi pi
ng
themucusf rom mynosewi t
ht hebackofmyhand.I
hoot edagainandt hebedr oom l i
ghtwentonandI
knewsomeonewascomi ng.Mydadopenedt he
frontdoorandr ecogni zedt hecarandopenedupf or
me.Idr ovei n,andhewaswal kingt owar dsthecar
wi t
hawor r
iedl ookonhi sf ace.Heopenedmydoor ,
“babygi r
l,what ’
swr ong?”Ist eppedoutandhugged
mydadandcr i
edhar derthanbef or e.Yourpar ent
hast hataffectony ou, andhewal kedmei nand
shout edformymom t ocomedown.Hel eftuson
thecouch, Ihadhi ccupsnow, “Thandowhat
happened? ”shel ookedsowor ried, “didKhenanhur t
you? ”Ishookmyhead.“ Wel lwhati sitbaby ,you’
re
wor ryi
ngme. ”shegotmesomechamomi l
et eaandI
calmeddownandt oldherev ery thingt hathappened,
shel etoutasi gh, “baby ,
thisi sy ourhusband, you
chosehi m.Andy oucan’ trunwhenev ershithitst
he
fan.”
Me:
butMahemur
der
edhi
swi
fe,
whati
fI’
m next
?
Her
:Theny
ouneedt
oactr
ightandnotbenext
.
Me:
Buthepr
omi
sedt
ost
op.
Her
:Di
dhesayi
t?
Me:Notr
eall
y,butbymar
ryingme…wel
luhm i
t
meanshechosetostopr
ight?

Sheshookherhead, “
nobaby .”ItwasthenIr eal
ized
shewasr ightandKhenandi dn’tsayhewoul dstop
hisshit
.Igavehim andul t
imatum andleft,andupon
myar ri
valhegavemeaweddi ng,butnotwhatI
askedfor.Icri
edmy selftosleepinthespar eroom,
howcoul dIbesost upid?Iwokeupat10am wi t
ha
ragi
ngheadache; Igotupandputont hegownm
mom hadputoutf orme.Iwashedmyf aceand
brushedmyt eethwiththespar etoi
let
ri
es.Iwent
downstair
sandIwasal oneint hehouse,andmom
hadleftanoteforme; theywer egoingoutoft own
foraweek.Goshsomeoneshootmenow!Iopened
thefri
dgeandf oundsomebeerandIsatont he
couchanddr ank2bef oreIheadedt omyol dhouse.

Itookashowerandgoti
ntobedandsleptt
hewhol
e
day.Idi
dn’
thavemyphoneormylaptopsoI
coul
dn’tdoany thi
ng.lateroni ntheni ghtIdecidedto
headbackhome, becauseIdi dn’
thav eal othereI
neededmyt hings.Khenanhadn’ ttr
iedt ocomeget
meandt hatmademeangr y.IgothomeandKhany i
ranint
omyar ms, “
mommywher ehav ey oubeen?
Youmi ssedt hemov i
e.”Igav eherahugandt hen
putherdown, “Ihadaf ewt hingstot akecar eof.”
Khany
i:i
nyourpaj
amas?
Me:
Yesbaby
…

Iwasn’tinthemoodf orherwitt
iness,“whereisy our
father?
”sheshr uggedsulkingandwal kedaway .I
wentt otheroom andchangedi ntoKhenan’ s
basketball
shirtandgotont obedwi thmycel l
phone
andcheckedmyemai lsandmessages.Ihadat ext
from Khenan:Ihopey ou’vedeci
dedt ocomehome.I
l
ef tt
hekidswi thKeenanandy oursupperi sinthe
war mer.I
’l
lbebackal i
tt
lelat
er;I
’m gett
ingyour
boy f
ri
endadmi ttedatRondebosch.WhenIcome
backwe’ l
lhaveat al
k.Iloveyou.
Ijustthrewthephoneonesi de,Iwashungrythough
soIwentdownst airsandopenedt hewarmerand
myhear tdancedal i
ttl
ebit.Khenandidthison
purpose; heknowshowIf eelaboutpast
a.Itookout
thef i
rstbowl andi travi
oliandthesecondwasa
plateofst uf
fedcannel loni…Iwar medthem bothup
abi ti
nt hemi cr
owav eandopenedt hefr
idge,t
he
parmesanwasal readyshav edandIspot tedabottl
e
ofTouchWar wickcaber netsauv i
gnonwithanote
oni t:
Enjoyy oursupper .Lov eK.

Fuckhegotmeandhegotmegood!Iwasst i
ll
mad
though;Itookmyf oodandwineonat reyand
headedupst ai
rs.Isatonthebedwat chingt he
Kardashians;again,Idon’
tknowwhyIdot hi
sto
my sel
f.Istuff
edmyf aceanddrankthewi neuntil
all
thefoodwasf i
nishedandIcouldn’
tmov e.Iput
everyt
hingont het abl
eintheroom andlayont he
bedanddosedof fIdon’
tevenknowwhen.

IwaswokenupbyKhenan’
sbodyont
opofmi
ne
andhi smanhoodent eringme, Iletoutagaspand
openedmyey esandt heymethi s.“Hi,
”Hegav eme
apeckonmyl ips,“hello.”Hewasmov i
ngsl owly,
andi twasgi vingmebut t
erfl
ies,“I’
m sorry
, please
forgivemebaby .
”Iletoutamoan, “
butKhenan,
somet hing’
sgott ogi ve.”Heki ssedmeagai n,“Il
ove
yousomuchThando. ”Hesai dt hatpicki
nguphi s
speed; Idugmynai lsintohi ssideswi thonehandon
hisbut t.Iwasr eachi ngmypeakandhest opped, “
I
l
ov ey ousomuch. ”Hest aredintomyey es, “
Ilove
yout oobaby .”Heki ssedmyl ipsandst artedmov i
ng
agai nunt i
lwebot hcameatt hesamet imeandhe
collapsedont opof fme, ki
ssingmyshoul derand
neck.Heev entuallygotupandgotat owel toclean
usbot handt henwecuddl ed, “baby?”
Hi
m:Hmm
ME:
Whatdi
dyoudot
ohi
m?
Hi
m:Not
hing,
Ijustr
oughedhi
m upabi
t?
Me:
Roughenought
olandhi
minhospi
tal
?
Hi
m:Hemessedwi
thmygi
rl
…soy
es.
Me:
(si
gh)asl
ongashecanst
il
lfi
nishmypr
oject
.
Whydidy
oumarr
ymei
fyouwer
en’
tgoi
ngt
ost
op
t
hist
hugli
fe?
Him:Igavey
ouev er
ythi
ng,
ever
ythi
ng…canIj
ust
keepthi
sonethi
ng.
Me: Wecangot othel
awyersandI’
l
lret
urni
tal
l.I
don’tneedyourmoneyandcars;
Iwantyou…al
i
v e,
hereforus.
Hi
m:I
’
llal
way
sbeher
e,Ipr
omi
se.
Me:
Idon’
twantaCubai
nci
dent
…
Hi
m:Gi
vemeababygi
rlandIwi
l
lqui
t!
Me:
I’
ll
hol
dyout
othat
!

Hej ustlaughedandki ssedmyshoul derunti

lone
thi
ngl edt otheother
,Khenankeptmeupal l
mor ni
ng.
Weonl ysleptat5am and2hour slat
erKhany i
was
j
umpi ngupanddownont hebed.Iwant edto
scream, butIwasmeant oheryester
daysohadt o
giv
eherl ovetoday,“
mor ningbaby.Whyar eyouup
soear ly?”
Her
:Daddysai
dwe’
regoi
ngi
ceskat
ing.
Me:
hedi
d?

IgaveKhenanthelookandcover
edhisheadwit
h
thecovers,“
okbaby,howaboutwebathandt
hengo
makebr eakf
ast
?”
Khany
i:I
’
veal
readyeat
en.
Me:
Whomadef
ood?
Her
:Gr
anmama.

Khenanuncov eredhishead, “Kali

sa? ”shenodded
andhel ookedatmef unny .ItookKhany i t
othe
bathr
oom andwehadamommydaught erbat hand
wedr essedupi nmat chingout fi
t.Downst air
s
Khenanwashav ingbreakf astwithLakhi we, Ilooked
athim andwespokewi thourey esandhet oldme
Kali
sawasout si
desmoki ngandIr oll
edmyey es.I
hadn’
tf or
giv enKalisaforwhatt heywer eplanning
wit
hTar eckandIwasn’ teasyabouthav ingheri nmy
house,butf orpeacesakeIkeptqui et.Shesoon
camei n,“Thando. .
,howar eyoumydaught er?”I
fakedasmil
eandshehuggedme,
“I’
m goodma,
didn’
tknowyouwer
ehere.
”
Her
:Youdon’
tneedt
oknowev
ery
thi
nghoney
.
Me:May benotev
ery
thi
ng,
butIneedt
oknowwhat
happensinMYhouse.
Her
:Don’
tbesi
l
ly,
myson’
shouse.

Thi
sbit
ch,
ohnoshedi
dn’
t,
“andIact
ual
l
ycameby
tot
alkt
oyou.
”
Me:
Youdi
d,di
dn’
tyou?
Her
:Int
heof
fi
ce.
Me:
Aft
erI
’
veeat
en.
Her
:Now.

Ilookedather,andthenatKhenanwhoi gnoredus
andcontinuedtalki
ngaboutsoccerwit
hLakhi we.
KalisawalkedtoKhenan’
soffi
cewhileIwal kedi
n
theoppositedi
recti
ontothekit
chen.Iwill
notdance
toherguitari
nmyownhouse; Imadecof f
eeanda
sli
ceoftoastwi t
hat hickserv
ingofbutter
.Iat
ethe
breadtakingmysweett i
mebef oretaki
ngmycoffee
totheoffice.If
oundKal i
sasitt
inginKhenan’
schair
,
Ididn’
tsitdown, “
don’tdisr
espectmei nfr
ontofmy
grandchi
ldren.”
Me:Don’
tdisr
espectmei
nmyhouse!Youcan’
tjust
wal
tzinher
eandmakedemands.
Her
:Thandowat
chy
our
sel
f.
Me:Orwhat
?Whatdowi
l
lyoudo?Whatar
eyou
doi
ngher
e?
Her
:Wher
eisshe?

Igaveheraconfusedlook,“Thequi
ckery
ougett
o
thepoi
nt,t
hefasteryou’
lll
eavemyhouse.”
Her:youwer
ethel
astnumberdi
aledonKhensani
’
s
phone.
Me:
Yourpoi
nt?
Her
:Andthenshedi
sappear
s,y
out
hinkt
hati
sa
coi
nci
dent
?
Me:NoKali
sa,It
hinkshecal
ledmetogivemeher
l
ocat
ionsoitwoul
dbeeasierformetosnat
chher
.
Her:
Sarcasm,Ihopey
ou’
l
lst
il
lfi
ndt
hisamusi
ng
whenthecopscomefory
ou.
Me:
Arey
oudone?
Her
:Br
ingherbacki
n48hr
sorel
seIcal
lthecops.

Ididn’tanswerher ,Ijustwal kedoutf umi ng.Khenan

wasi nthebedr oom put ti
nghi sshoeson.Hel ooked
upwhenIwal kedi n, “
whatdi dshewant ?”Iwal ked
upt ohim andgav ehim onehotoneacr osst hef ace.
Hecl enchedhisj awsandst oodup, “
Thando, what
thefucki swrongwi thyou?”Il ookedupathi m, he
wast ower i
ngov ermel ookingpi ssedasf uck.
“Thandowhatt hef uckiswr ongwi thy ou? ”her oared
backatmeandt hetearsstar tedrolli
ngdownmy
cheeks, “
Iam notgoi ngtopr isonf ory ourf ucking
mur derKhenan. ”Hisexpr essionchangedf rom
angert oconfusion, hetri
edt ohol dmebutIst epped
away .“Don’tf
uckent ouchme, ”hest oodi none
positi
on, “
babyt alktome.howwi l
l Ifi
xt hisifIdon’ t
ev
enknowwhatt
hehel
li
sgoi
ngon?
”
Me:
KHENSANI
!
Hi
m:Whatabouther
?
Me:Shecal
l
edmethedayIdi
dmypr
esent
ati
onand
shewant
edmyhel
p.
Hi
m:Shedi
dwhat
?Andy
oudi
dn’
ttel
lme?
Me:Youdon’
tgettoaskquesti
ons.Kal
i
sahasher
phoneandIwasthel
astdial
ed.
Hi
m:So?
Me: Sonowshe’
sdead,
whowi
l
lbet
henumberone
suspect
?
Him:Nothi
ngwill
happent
oyou,
youdi
dn’
tdo
anyt
hingwrong.
ME:Iknowthat,
butwhowill
bel
i
evethat
?Whydi
d
youhavet
okill
herKhenan?Why??
Hi
m:ThandoIwi
l
lfi
xthi
s.
Me:How?Youhav
e48hour
stobr
ingherbackt
oli
fe
orKal
i
sagoest
othepol
i
ce.
Hi
m:Shewi
l
lwhat
?shesai
dthat
?

Inodded,andmyhear twasbeatingfastandIwas
scaredandshaking.FuckKhenan,hecamecl osert
o
me,“ don’
t!
!Gett
hehelloutofmyhouse, andgof i
xit
.
Don’tcomebackher eti
lli
t’
shandled.
”
Hi
m:Thandopl
easedon’
tdot
his.
Me:
Khenan,
Isai
dgo!

Ipoi
ntedt
owar
dst
hedoor
,“I
’
m notl
eav
ing.
”
Me:
I’
m notpl
ayi
ngwi
thy
ouKhenan.
Him:No,wewil
lsor
tthi
soutt ogether
.Youcannot
runorki
ckmeouteveryti
mesomet hi
nggoeswr ong.
You’
remywifeandIam goingt ot
akecareofithere
i
nourhouse,
withyoubymysi de.

Hesteppedcl
oseragain,“
Iknowy ou’
rescared,
butI
am notl
eavi
ngyourside.Ok?”Inodded;heputhis
ar
msar oundmeandhel dmet i
ght.Ij
ustcri
edinhis
arms,hepulledawayandkissedmyf orehead,“we’
re
goingskat
ing.”Ishookmyhead,“notaquest i
on,
nowwashy ourfacewhi
leItal
ktoKalisa.
”He
huggedmeandki ssedmyli
psandwal kedout.

*
***
***
***
***Khenan*
***
***
***
***
*

Ilef
tThandointhebedroom andIwentdownstai
rs
tolookforKal
i
sa, shewasintheki
tchen.Iwasso
angry,“
whatdoy outhi
nkyou’r
edoing?”
Her
:What
?
Me:
Don’
tpl
aydumbwi
thme.

Igrabbedherbythewri
standdraggedheri
ntot
he
pantry
,“yout
hreatenmywifei
nherhouse?”
Her
:KhenanIboughty
oui nt
othi
swor l
dandIwil
l
t
akeyououtify
oucontinuetodi
srespectme.
Me:Haha…r
espect?Howwil
lIrespecty
ouaf
ter
whaty
ouandTareckdi
dtoThando?Whatyouput
herthr
oughaf t
erl
osingt
hebaby?Youthi
nkjust
becauseIam smil
ingandlaughi
ngi
tdoesn’
tmeanI
haveforgot
ten.
Her
:Shei
skeepi
ngKhensani

Igrabbedherbyt hethr
oatandslammedheragai nst
thecupboard,“Khensaniisdead,
andIkill
edherwith
myownbar ehands.Ifyoudoany t
hingtohurtmy
wifeIwi l
ldoworsetoy ou.Youhearme?”Ilethergo
andshef ellt
othegroundcouchingandhol di
ngher
throat,“
KhenanI’
m sorry!
!”Il
ookedatherdisgust
ed,
“getthefuckoutofmyhouse! ”Il
eftherinthepantr
y
togol ookformywi f
e.

IfoundThandointhebedr
oom appl yi
nghersimpl
e
makeupt ocoverupthecr
ying;Istoodbehindher
andputmyhandsonhershoul der.Shelookedupat
mef rom wher
eshewassitti
ngandsmi l
edfai
ntl
y…I
bentdownandkissedher,
“Iloveyousomuch! ”
Her:Il
ovey
out
oo,
I’
m al
mostdone.Whatdi
dshe
say
?
Me:Don’
twor
ryaboutKal
i
sa;
shewi
l
lbest
ayi
ngi
n
herl
ane.

Thandowassti
llwor
ried,“
youneedtotrustmebaby,
remembert
hekidnapping?”Shenodded,“
didInot
takecar
eofi
t?”shenodded, “
sayi
t”
Her
:Yout
ookcar
eofi
t.
Me:
Am Ij
ust‘
you’
toy
ou?

Shegiggl
ed,“No.”Ir
aisedmyey ebrows,“
well?”She
hadasmi let
hatmeltedmyhear t,
“myhusbandt ook
careofit
.”Imadeherst andandfaceme, “
you
rememberwhenwewer eonourwayt oGreece?I
sai
dIwoul dneverhurtyou?”shenodded,“
yes.”
Me:Iwon’
thurtyou,andIsur
eashel
lwon’
tlet
any
oneelsehurtyou.Theonl
yti
meyouwil
lcryis
whenyou’
rehappy,orwhenyou’
regi
vi
ngbi
rth.
Shesmil
edsobeaut
if
ull
y,“
speaki
ngofgivi
ngbir
th,
westi
l
lhavet
omaket hebaby.
”Ipull
edhercl
osert
o
mybodyandki
ssedherli
pssoftl
yandthedoor
openedandst
oodt
hedev
il
,thi
ski
dhast
hewor
st
ti
mingever
.
Khany
i:Canwegonow?
Me:
We’
l
lbedownj
ustnowbaby
.
Khany
i:No,
Idon’
tbel
i
evey
ou…wegot
oget
her
.

Shecr ossedherar ms,ThandoandIj ustlaughed

andIpi ckedherupandki ssedhercheek, “you’
re
somet hingelse.
”Wewentdownst air
sandl eftfor
themal l,wedidsomeshoppi ngallonmeofcour se.
It
’sfunnyhowThandoi sallmissindependentbut
themi nuteshewal ksintoaLVst oreshebecomes
l
ikea5y earoldandgi vi
ngmepuppydogey es…we
shoppedf ort
hekidsandaf t
erIdon’tknowhow
manyhour sweev entuall
yhadl unchandt henwent
skat
ing.I twasaf undaywi ththefami l
yindeed.
[
11/
23,
17:
26]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode94

*
***
***
***
***
**Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
Ther oomsdownst air
swer enowf i
nished, t
hegy m
wasst ateoftheartst hecinemacoul dfit30peopl e
comf or tabl
ewi t
hlov ecouches.Iwassoexci ted,but
theki ds, t
hekidswer egoingtogocr azyov ert hei
r
studios.Imadeabi gsupperforthereveal becauseI
alsowant edust odiscussChr i
stmaspl ans;we
didn’thav ethatmucht i
mel ef
t.Andaf t
erthel ast
Christmasweneededt odosomet hi
ngt omakeup
forthel osttime.Whi leIwasinthekitchenIr eceived
acal lfrom Kali
sa,“Hel l
o.”
Her:
Thandopl
easeopent
hegat
eforme,
Ineedt
o
t
alktoyou.

Somethinghadchangedshedidn’
thavethatcheek
i
nherv oicel
i
kebefore,
butsheisaslyfoxsoIdidn’
t
tr
usther.
Me:
Kal
i
sawhatdoy
ouwant
?
Her:Ij
ustneed10mi
nut
esofy
ourt
ime.Pl
easej
ust
openup.
Iletoutasigh, “
fi
ne.
”Ibuzzedheri
nandwai tedfor
herint hef
oy er
,shecameinandIwal kedbackto
thekitchensosheknewwher etofindme.Itooka
sipofmywi neandlookedatherst
andingtherenot
sayinganything.
Me:
Wel
l
?
Her
:ThandoI
’
m sor
ry.
Me:
Hmm…okaaaay
?
Her:Ididn’
tmeant ot hr
eatenyou;
it’
sjustt
hatt
he
chi
ldrencan’tl
iv
ewi thoutthei
rmother.WhenIf
ound
outy ouwerethelastpersonwhospoket oherI
panickedandIjustneededt ogettothebott
om of
thi
s.
Me:
Arey
ouatt
hebot
tom now?
Her
:Thandopl
ease.
Me:
Pleasewhat
?
Her
:Hesai
dhe’
l
lki
l
lme,
pleaseThando.

Sheputt
hephoneont
heki
tchencount
er,
“thati
s
herphoneandt heonl ypieceofev i
denceIhad
againstyou.Imeannohar m. ”Ilookedather
begging,whatev erKhenandi dorsai dtoherreal
ly
workedbecauseshehadf earinherey esandshe
wasn’tbluf
fing.Ikindoff eltbadbecausebef ore
everyt
hingIreallylikedher,shet reat
edmel i
kepart
ofthefamily.Butt hemi nutesheputmyl i
featri
sk,I
l
ostal l
respectandwhat everf eeli
ngsIhadtowards
her.
Me:
Arey
oudone?

Shestoodther
eshocked,Iwasnotgoi
ngtomake
thi
seasyforher,
“ThandoIknowyouaresti
l
l angr
y,
butpl
easetrytofi
nditi
nyourhear
ttofor
giveme.”
Me:
Ok.
Her
:Okwhat
?
Me:
Towhaty
ou’
resay
ingt
ome.

Sheletoutasi
gh,“
thankyourf
oryourt
ime.
”She
tur
nedaroundandwalkedoutoft
hekit
chenandI
heardthedoorclose.Iwentt
ohavemycigar
ette
andcamebackt of i
ndKeenanopeni
ngmypot s,
“uyakuf
unaukufa?”hegotsuchafri
ght
.
Hi
m:Hay
isi
si,
bendi
j
onganj
e.
Me:
Jongant
oni
ezi
mbi
zeni
zami
?
Hi
m:Uxol
o.
Me:
Nyweny
weny
we…uxol
o.Uzot
hini
apha?
Hi
m:Hawu,
Ili
veher
e.
Me:
Oho.
Hi
m:Hay
imanThando,
kut
heni
unj
ena?
Me:
Kut
heni
ndi
njani
?
Hi
m:y
ou’
rej
ustmean,
unnecessar
il
y.
Me:
Ify
oucan’
ttaket
heheat
….

Hesulkedandgotabeeroutofthefri
dge,Il
oved
doingthi
stohim.Becausewhenit
’shist
urnhe
doesn’
tholdback.Hesatonthebarst
ool,
“what’
s
thespeci
aloccasi
on?”
Me:
I’
mrev
eal
i
ngt
her
oomsi
nthebasement
.
Hi
m:Soy
ouhadt
ocookf
ort
hewhol
epr
ovi
nce?
Me:Welly
ounotev
eni
nvi
ted,
soIsuggesty
oucal
l
Mr.Del
i
very.
Hi
m:Mxm.

Hegotupandwalkedaway,“
whereisAbebi
?”he
di
dn’
tanswermebuthejustputuphiszapatme
andcont
inuedwal
kingaway.

Wehadsupperasaf amil
y,Khenan,Khany
i,Lakhiwe,
Keenan, AbebiandMary.Shewassogoodwi ththe
kids,shewasagr eathel
pjustthatKhanyidi
dn’t
wantherany wherenearherfood,whichwasso
funny.Sheonlyatebreakf
astpreparedbyherfor
obv i
ousreasons,cer
ealhaha.
Wedi scussedourChr i
st masplansandwhatthe
kidswanted,Ilovedincludi
ngev er
yonethatway
nobodycancompl ainandsayt heydidn’
tgett
oeat
this,
orthat.Thisyearitwasjustgoingtobeus.
Nobodyel se,Mar ywoul dgohomet oherfamilyand
ourfamilywoul dbeal onewi t
hAbebi.Shewasn’t
goingtoNi geri
athisy ear;
shewasn’tongoodt erms
withherfather.AftersupperwecleanedupandIl ed
everyonetot hebasementt oshowthem around.The
ki
dswer esupperexci tedandLakhiwemov edhis
Celloimmedi atel
ytohi smusicroom.

Afterput t
ingt
hekidst osleepKhenanandIsaton
thebalconyhav i
ngwi neandt al
kingaboutKali
sa,he
didn’
tt ellmewhathesai dtoherbuthej ust
reassur edmethatshewoul dn’
tbeapr obl
em.Igave
himt hephonewhi chhewoul ddestroy
.Wet al
kedal
l
nightlonguntil
Khenancar r
iedmei nsi
detoshow
mehowmuchhel ovesme.

Chr i
stmasdaycameby ,Abebi andIhadmadeal lt
he
prept henightbefore.Allt
hatwasl eftwastopop
thingsintheov enandsetupt hespitbraai
.And
becausei twasj ustonlyuswewer ecasual,t
heday
startedoffwithbr eakf
astatthebeach, Khanyi
’si
dea.
Butl uckilyi twasn’ ttoowi ndyorcol d.Af terthatthe
boyssor tedt hemeatont hespi twhi lewel i
teral
ly
poppedev er ythingint heov en.Whi leev erythingwas
cooki ngwedeci dedt oopen2gi ftsperper son.
Khany ipickedf ir
st,shel ookedar oundt her oom.She
knewherf atherbuy sthebestgi ftssoshel efthim
forlast ,shepoi ntedatAbebi .Ev ery onel aughedand
Abebi handedherabox, Khany ishookt heboxand
putitont hef loorandr i
ppedt hecov ersof fand
revealedt hemostbeaut i
fulgoldent utuandshoes
withat i
ar a.Il ookedatAbebi andsheshr ugged
whatt hef uckshegotherar ealgol dt iara.Justt hen
Khany iputi tonherhead, “i
si treal ?”Abebi nodded
andKhany ijumpedupandhuggedheral most
spil
lingt hegl assofwi ne,“t
hisist hebestgi ftever.”
Whi chwasherr esponsef orev ery thingsheev er
receivesbuti twassi ncere.Shet rul ylovesany t
hing
anyonedoesf orher ,f
rom t hesmal lesttot he
biggest .Butwheni tcomest oherdad, i
tist hemost
‘
amazi ng' giftev er…wel lthat’sdaddy '
sgi rl
sf oryou.

Weexchangedgi
ftandwheni
twasmyt
urnIpi
cked
Lakhi we, hesmi l
edshy ly
, “canwepl easegot othe
Cinema? ”Uhm, ev eryonel ookedconf used, apart
from Keenanobv i
ousl yheknewwhatwasgoi ngon.
Weal lsati ntheci nemaandhemadesur eIsi tright
i
nf ront,heswi tchedof fthel i
ghtsandswi tchedon
thescr eenandpr essedpl ayandsatnextt omeand
thev ideost arted.Andi twashi m onascr eenwi th
whatseemsl i
kehi scel lopl ayi
nginthebackgr ound
andhewasi nasui tandat ophat,
Igiggledandhe
startedt alkingbywi shingmeaMer ryChr istmasand
thenher ecitedapoem f orme:
Mom,
you'
reawonder
ful
mot
her
,
Sogent
le,
yetsost
rong.
Themanyway
syoushowy
oucar
e
Al
way
smakemef
eel
Ibel
ong.
I
’
m sobl
essedt
haty
ou’
remyst
epmom;
Letmet
ell
youhowIf
eel
:
Thedeepaf
fect
ionIhav
efory
ou
I
shonest
,tr
ueandr
eal
.
You'
repat
ientwhenI
'
mfool
i
sh;
Yougi
vegui
dancewhenIask;
I
tseemsy
oucandoal
mostany
thi
ng;
You'
ret
hemast
erofeveryt
ask.(
Especi
all
ywhatMr
Kfai
lst
odo!Whi
chisevery
thi
ng!
!)
You'
readependabl
esour
ceofcomf
ort
;
You'
remycushi
onwhenIf
all
.
Youhel
pint
imesoft
roubl
e;
Yousuppor
tmewhenev
erIcal
l
.
Il
ovey
oumor
ethany
ouknow;
Youhav
emyt
otal
respect
.
I
fIhadmychoi
ceofmot
her
s,
You'
dbet
heoneI
'
dsel
ect
!

Thetearsstar
tedgushingdownandhesqueezed
myhandandwecont inuedt owat
cht hev
ideo,
he
spokeagain,“
letmejustshowy ouwhatImean.”He
didasli
deshowofpi ctur esofme,somewithhim
andKhanyi.Iwassurprisedwherehegotthese
pict
uresbecausesomeoft hem Idon’tremember
taki
ng.Ther ewasav ideoofhim andIsi nging
BonnieandCl ydeonkar aokenight.Thev ideowent
onf oragood20mi nutesandIlov edeverymi nuteof
i
t.Iwascr yingbehindmyhugegr inri
ghtt hroughout
thev i
deo,whent hev ideostoppedIgr abbedhi m so
ti
ghtandki ssedhi m alloverhi
sf ace,
whi ch
surpri
singl
yheal lowed.
Me:Thi
sisthebestgi
ftev
er,
Icoul
dn’
thav
easked
f
oranyt
hingmore.
Khenan:Ev
ent
hatFer
rar
iF60Amer
icat
hat
’spar
ked
outsi
de?
Me:
Takei
tbackIdon’
twanti
t.

IhuggedLakhi
weagainandwewal kedbackt ot he
l
oungeandexchangedmor e.ThisyearKhenanandI
promisednott
obuyeachot herany
t hi
ng,ourgif
tsto
eachotherwasspendi
ngChr i
stmast oget
her,
becausethepast2Chr
ist
maseswer ejustadisast
er!
Wehadourlat
eChri
stmasl
unchandt
ookmill
i
ons
ofpi
ctur
esandwat
chedaChri
stmasmovi
einthe
l
oungethough,cl
osetowherethefoodis.Theki
ds
werepl
ayingandwewer epl
ayingboardgames.Thi
s
wasbyfarthebestChri
stmasever.I
’
vealwaysbeen
al
oneandnowl ookatmeIhav emyownf ami
ly
.I
coul
dn’
thaveaskedforanyt
hingmore!!

Ituckedt hechildrenin;Khany iwenttobedwi tha

packetofsweet swhi chIallowedonl ytoday .If
ound
Khenani nourbedr oom, t
her ewerecandl es
everywher e,andhewashol dingabot t l
eof
champagneandt hegl asseswer eont hecount er,
“what ’
sgoi ngonbaby ?”Hej ustsmiledatme,
“comeov erhere.”Iwasbar ef ootandIwal kedov er
tohi m,hewasnowpour i
ngt hechampagnei nthe
glassesandhandedmeone.It houghtIwasget ti
ng
alongIl ovey ouspeech, buthesur prisedme.He
raisedhisgl assandi tcli
ckedmi ne,“tous.”I
repeatedaf terhim, “
tous.”

Wetookal
ongbathtogetherbefor
egett
ingi
ntobed
andr
emini
sci
ngabouttheev ent
softheyear
.We
madel oveoverandov eragainunt i
lthesuncameup;
wecuddledandf el
lasleepat7am whenIwokeupi t
wasmi ddayandhewasn’ tinbed.Igotcleanand
wentdownst ai
rsandev eryonewasi nthecinema
withsnacksanddrinks.Themov iewasaboutt o
fi
nishsoIjustl
etthem beanddi shedoutsomel eft
oversandateinthekitchenwi t
hagl assofwi ne.

Therestofthedaywespendvisi
ti
ngourfri
endsand
famil
y.Well
mypar ent
swereoutoftown,sothe
gir
lsandImetatMbali’
shousetoeatherl
eftover
s.
Iheadedhomeandspenttherestoftheeveni
ng
withmyfami l
y.

*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
**

Iwassitt
ingatmydeskget tingsomewor keddone, I
wassot i
red.Yest
erdayIwasdosi ngof fi
nt he
meetingwiththeJapanese,Ilov
emywi febutthisis
toomuch.Myphoner ang,t
hinkoft hedevil
,Ididn’
t
pickupandshecal l
edagainandIi gnoredher.
Short
lyaf
tertheoff
icephonerangandi
twasMartha,
“Si
ryourwif
ei sonl
ine1.”Il
etoutasi
gh,“
puther
thr
ough,t
hanks…….Heybaby .
”
Her
:Howar
eyou?
Me:I’
m swamped;Ij
usthav
et oomuchtodotoday
.I
t
hinkImightcomehomeal i
tt
lebi
tlat
etoni
ght
.
Her
:Al
ri
ght
,I’
l
lbr
ingy
oul
unch.
Me:BabyIdon’
twantt
obot
hery
oubaby
.Ar
en’
tyou
busy
?
Her
:Don’
tbesi
l
ly!I
’
llseey
oul
ater
,Il
ovey
ou.
Me:
Lov
eyout
oo.

Ibangedt hephonedown; Iwassof ucki

ng
frustratedIcan’tdeal
!Iburiedmyheadi nmyhands
andl etoutasi gh.Igotupandpour edadouble
whi skeyandt ookitall
backatonce.Andpour eda
secondoneanddi dthesame, Idi
aledMar t
haagai
n,
“pleasef reemyschedul efortherestoft he
day ….thankyou.”Iundidmyt ieandt ookoffmy
shoesandl aydownont hecouchf acingup.Il
etout
asi ghandcl osedmyey es, andsl owl ydr i
ftedoffto
sleep.Afterwhatf el
tli
ke5mi nut es,Ihear dThando
shakingme, “baby …hi…”Iopenedmyey esandshe
wast ower i
ngov ermesmi l
ing, “getcleanedup, I
boughtf ood.”Isatupandsheki ssedmyf orehead,I
wenti ntothebat hroom andr insedmymout hand
faceandl ookedatt hetime.Itwas4pm, Iwasout
foracoupl eofhour sandIwasst il
l t
ired.Iwentback
i
nt otheof f
iceandshehadsetupt hef oodandIsat
down, “babyar ey ouok? ”shel ookedatmewor ri
ed
andsheputherhandonmyf or ehead.Inodded, “I
’m
fi
ne, i
t’
sjustwor k.I ’
mt i
red.”Ilied.
Her
:ComehomeandI
’
llt
akecar
eofy
ou,
youcan
f
ini
shupt
omorr
ow.
Me:Ican’
tIneedt
heser
epor
tsr
eadyf
ort
omor
row
(
anotherl
i
e)
Her
:Al
ri
ght
,let
’seatandt
henIcanl
ety
oube.
Shereachedi nherbag,“guesswhat?”Ihadf oodi
n
mymout handshepul l
edoutwhatlookedl i
kea
pregnancytest,myeyesopenwi der
, l
ordletherbe
pregnantplease.Shesmi l
ed,“
I’
m ovulat
ing.
”FUCK!!!
!!
Lordki llmenow, “soIwast hinking.”Sheputher
handonmyt highandst art
edr ubbingme
seduct ively,sheputdownherf oodandst oodup
givingmeaki ssont heneck, andagai nandagai n.
Thensheknel tinf rontofme, “babyt hedoor .”She
l
ookedupatme, “
Ilockedi tonmywayi n.
”shi t
,“I
don’ tthinkhav i
ngsexi ntheof fi
cei ssuchagood
i
dea, I
’ll
trycomi nghomeear lytonight.”Shegi ggled
asshewasundoi ngmybel t
,“youusedt olov eit
whenwef ucki nher e.”Shepul ledmymanhoodout
andst artedwor kingonmeunt ilIwashar dandshe
stoodupandst raddl edmesl i
ppingher selfontome
softly.Shewasf ucki ngwetal readyandImoanedas
shemov edupanddownmyshaf t
,itfeltsof ucking
goodIgr abbedherwai standki ssedherneckand
startedt ot hrustdeepi ntoher,shest oppedmeand
turnedar ound.Shesatbackdownagai n,“thi
swi ll
betterourchances. ”Ijustlostal lexcitementandI
wentsof t,shet ur nedar ound,“babywhat ’
swr ong? ”I
didn’tev enhav eananswerf orher ,“I
’
m sor ry
.”
Her
:Letmehel
p.
Me:
Noi
t’
sfi
ne.
ShegotonherkneesandIst oodup,“ThandoIsai d
NO, I’m notinthemood. ”Shel ookedatmeshocked,
“Wh…whaty oumean? ”shewassoconf usedand
l
ookedast houghshewant edtocry.Iletoutasi gh,
“i
t’swor kbaby ,andit
’sstr essingme.Let ’sfi
nishthi
s
athome. ”Ili
edagain,butshewasn’ tinterestedshe
gotupandf i
xedherselfupandheadedf orthedoor.
Igrabbedherar m andtur nedherar ound, shewasi n
tears,“Khenanl etgoofme. ”Icl
enchedmyj aws,
“NO! ”Iletgoofherar m, sheunl ockedt hedoorand
almostr anoutleavi
ngt hedooropenwi thme
standingt here,pant
satmyankl e.
[
11/
23,
17:
26]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode95

*
***
***
***
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Irantomycari ntearsandsatther
eforawhil
e
tr
y i
ngt ogat
hermy sel
f.WhenIwascalm Idr
oveto
Mbal i
’shouseandshewasj ustpul
li
ngin.we
greetedandhugged, “
thi
sisasurpri
se.TowhatdoI
owet
hepl
easur
e?”
Me:
Ohshutup,
youhav
eal
cohol
?
Her
:Whoy
ourbi
tch?
Me:
I’
m bei
ngser
iousIneedsomet
hingst
rong.
Her
:What
’swr
ong?
Me:
Khenani
scheat
ing.
Her
:Nev
er,
comei
nsi
de.Whi
skey
?
Me:
Nowy
ou’
ret
alki
ng.

Wewenti nsi
deandshebroughtwhi
skeyand2
gl
asses,andpouredusdri
nks.It
ookthef
ir
stoneal
l
atonce,
“sowhati si
t?”
Me: Iwenttohisof
fi
ceforl
unchandsexbecause
I’
m ovulat
ing.Hewasmakingexcusesnott
ohave
sexwi t
hme, andaf
terwestar
tedhisdi
ckwentli
mp.
Her
:Andt
hat
’swhyy
out
hinkhei
scheat
ing?
Me:Comeon,
hesai
dheisstr
essedfr
om work.I
knowmyman,nomatt
erhowdrunkheis,
howt i
red
hei
s…Heal
way
scomest
othepar
ty.
Her:Iforonedon’
tthi
nkKhenanwouldcheatony
ou.
Helovesy oufart
oomuchandwaited5y ear
snot
sl
eepingwi t
hanyonej
ustwait
ingf
oryou.Whywould
hestartnow?
Me:Idon’
tknow,maybebecauseweli
vewit
heach
ot
her,hedoesn’
tfi
ndmeattr
acti
veanymor
e.
Her
:Bi
tchplease;youguyspr
acti
cal
l
yli
vedt
oget
her
f
orayearbeforegett
ingmarr
ied.
Me:
Butt
hatwasdi
ff
erent
,we’
remar
ri
ednow.
Her:
Honestl
ybabyIt
hinky
ou’
rej
ustoverr
eact
ing
andyouneedtogohomeandtal
ktoyourman.
Me:
Nott
oni
ght
.
Her
:Wher
eyougoi
ngt
osl
eep?
Me:
Her
e?
Her
:No,youneedtosortouty
ourshi
twi
thy
our
man!
!Getoutofhere.

Idi
dn’
tknowwhatt
othi
nk,
Mbal
iwassoconf
ident
thatKhenanwasbei ngf aithful.Idon’ tknowwhy ,
shel ov edSphat oo, butlookhowt hatt ur
nedout .I
stoodupandwehuggedbef oreIwentbackhome.I
gothomeandt heki dswer eint hekit chenwi ththeir
fathermaki ngsupper ,Idon’ tknowwhatdi saster
thatwasgoi ngt obe.Igr eet edev eryoneandwentt o
takeashower ;Igoti ntobedaf terthat .Aboutan
hourl aterthedooropenedandIdi dn’tturnar ound
until IfeltKhany i j
umpi ngonmeandgi vi
ngmeahug,
herf at hersatdownwi that r
ayoff oodandagl ass
ofwi ne.Ilookedathi m, “don’ tlookatme, Khany i
saidy ou’resadandwi nemakesy ouhappy .”I
giggl edabi tticklingher ,“
di dy ousayt hataboutme. ”
Shel aughedoutl oud, “Nomommy ,itwashi m.Don’t
believ ewhathesay s.”Ilethergoandshegotof fthe
bedhuf fi
ngandpuf fing,“ha…I ’
m outofher …haha, I
can’ tdeal withy ouguy s.”Weal llaughedandshe
wal kedout ,Khenanhandedmemyf oodandwentt o
closet hedoor .Hesatbackont hebedandl ookedat
me, Igav ehimt he‘ what ’look, andhegav emet he
‘
spi titout ’l
ook.Il etoutasi gh, “arey oucheat ingon
me? ”
*
***
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
*

Ihandedherf oodt oherandt henclosedt hedoor

afterKhanyi soldmeoutaboutt hewi ne.Thatchi l
d
i
sweak; shecoul dn’tevencoverupf orme.It ookmy
shoesof fandsatdownl ooki
ngatThandoandshe
knewIwant edt of i
ndoutwhatt hehel l
isgoi ngon.
Shel etoutasi gh, “areyoucheat i
ngonme? ”what …
shef ucki
ngt hinksI ’m cheati
ngbecauseIdi dn’twant
tohav esex,Ithi nkshesawt heshockedl ookonmy
facebecauseshel ookeddowni mmedi atelyand
startedplay
ingwi thherf ood,“babylookatme. ”She
l
ookedupandt het earsfil
l
edherey es,shewas
tryi
ngsohar dnott ocr y.
Me: Baby,Iloveyousomuch.Wi t
heveryt
hinginme,
youareall t
hatIwant.I’
m wi
thyoueverychanceI
get;wetalkont hephoneamill
ionti
mesaday .You
rockupatt heoffi
cewheneveryouwantandI ’
m
alwaysav ai
labl
eforyou.Youhavemypasswor dfor
everyt
hing,lapt
op,phoneandsafe.I
fIwascheati
ng
y
ouwoul
dhav
ecaughtmel
ongt
imeago.
Her
:Thenwhydi
dn’
tyouwantt
ohav
esex?
Me:BabyI’
mt i
red.Ihavesomuchonmyplat
eright
nowandI’m st
ressed.Workist
oomuch,
butIcame
backear
lysoIcanspendt i
mewi t
hmywif
ewhoi s
themostimportantper
soninmylif
e.

Ihatehavingt oli
etomywi f
e,butIcouldn’
tbreak
herheartwi t
ht hetr
uth.Shewouldnev erunderst
and,
“baby,
pleasegett hethoughtofmecheat i
ngoutof
yourhead, wehav ebiggerprobl
emst owor r
yabout.
”
Her
:Li
ke?
Me:
You’
reov
ulat
ing;
weneedt
otakeadv
ant
ageof
t
hat
.

Shesmi l
edabit,“Ili
kethethoughtofthat
.Butcan
wejustcuddletonight.
”Ididali
ttl
edancei nmy
head;notoncedidIev ert
hinkI’
dprefercuddl
ing
overpussy.If
edherandt henIr anourbathwater
andwebat heddrinkingwine.Wewer equietmostof
thet ime, IknowsheknowsIam notcheat i
ngonher ,
butt her eisst illthatlit
tlebitofdoubtandIcoul dn’t
hav et hat.Shewor emyboxer sandav estandwe
goti ntobed, Ihel dherf r
om behi ndandwet al
keda
bit.Shewasn’ tthereandshewasst il
lwor r
ied, I
kissedt hebackofherneckandgr abbedherbr east
.
Istar t
edgr indingonherassandmymanhoodwas
cooper ating,Iki ssedheral l t
hewaydownt othe
shoul der ,“Khenanst opit.
”Iknowshewasangr ybut
Icannothav emywi fesleepmadatme, “no,we’ r
e
maki ngababy .
”If l
ippedherov erandshewas
smi li
ngandIki ssedhergent lyonherl ipswhi l
e
sli
dingmyhandi ntoherpant sandpl ayedwi thher
peachunt ilshewaswet .Isli
ppedt hem of fandt ook
herv estof fandl ookedheri ntheey e,“Ilovey ou
baby .”Shel ookedupatme, “Il
ov ey out oomyki ng.”
Islidmy selfi ntoherandImadel ov et oheri n
mi ssionar yst y l
e.Iwasmov ingslowl yandshewas
respondi ngwi tht hr
ust sinthesamer hy t
hm anda
fewsof tmoans.Shehel dont omet i
ght l
ywhi l
ewe
l
ookedi ntoeachot her’seyes.Itwassoi nt
ense, so
pur eIpi ckedupmypacesl i
ghtlybutst il
l
mai ntainingmygaze, andshewasnowmoani nga
bitl
oadedandpr ocl
aimingherloveforme.Webot h
reachedourcl
imaxt ogetherandIgentlyki
ssedher
l
ips,“Il
oveyousosomuch. ”Shejustsmiledatme,I
knewshewasn’ tmadany more,
Icleanedusbothup
andwef el
lasl
eepnakedi neachother’
sarms.

Thenextcoupl eofweekswer esomuchbet t

erwe
weresohappy .Wewentt oJohannesburgf ormy
bir
thday , j
ustthetwoofusf oracoupl eofday s.I
couldn’tleavet hecountrybecauset hefi
nancialy ear
wasj ustst ar
tingandwehadal ottodo.Thingswer e
greatbetweenmywi feandIandt hatmademe
happy .Ididn’thavetolietoherany morebecause
shewasr elaxedunt i
lwewentt othedoctoragai n.I
wishwehadn’ tgone,ourli
ttl
ef ai
ryt
alebecamehel l
andIhadt ogetoutoft herefast.

Iwalkedintoourhouseat1am andthehousewas
dark,t
hankGod.Ihadmadei tapointtogethome
aft
ereveryonewasinbed,andtoleavebefor
e
anyonecouldseeme.Thatdidn’
tstopThando
though;Iwar medmyf oodandwentupst air
swi t
hi t
.
Iopenedt hedoorandt her
eshewasont hebed, butt
naked.Ifakedasmi leandlookedupanddamned
Godf orthis!
!WhenIlookedatheragainshewas
kneeli
ngont hebed,“whyar en’
tyouasleepbaby? ”
shelookedatmel i
keIwasst upi
d,andshepoi nt
ed
totheov ul
ationcal
endar,f
uckIwantt ojustburn
thatthi
ng.
Her
:Hur
ryandeaty
ourf
oodI
’
llgetmy
sel
freadyi
n
t
hemeanti
me.
Me:
Uhm,
babydi
dyouseet
het
ime

Ishouldn’
thav easkedt hat,
lookedatmywi t
ht he
‘
whatt hefuck’lookandshepoi ntedatthatcal endar,
“Di
dy ouseet hedat e?Nowhur ryupandeat !”I
wasn’tevenhungr yany mor e,“j
ustgetthelube.”I
snappedbackather ,
Itookof fmypant sandmy
bri
efsandkeptmyshi rtandt i
eon.Shewal kedi nto
theroom rubbingt helubeont oherpeach,“whi ch
posit
ion?”shedi dn’tgetmysar casm, “
layfacingup. ”
IgotontothebedandIl ayl
ikeacorpseinacof fi
n,
“i
st hi
sgoodf ory ou? ”shenodded, andshepl ayed
withmymanhoodunt ilIwashal fhar d, t
hatwas
enoughf orher .Shesatonmeandsl i
desdownont o
myshaf tinther ev ersecowgi rlandst artedgr i
nding
andmov ingonme.Mywi feisthesexi estwomanI
know, andl ooki ngatherbehi ndwhi leshewor kedon
mymademehar d, butIwasn’ tgoingt ogi veherthe
pleasureofenj oy ingt his.Shewor kedandIl ayther
e
l
ikeal ogunt ilIwasnear ingmypeak, Igr abbedonto
herwai standst ar tedsl ammi ngintoherashar dasI
couldfrom under neat hherandami nut elaterI
explodedi nherandIl etgoofherandpushedherof f
meandwentt ocl eanmy sel
fup.Icamebackand
shewasl ayingonherback, doctor’sadv ice.Irol
led
myey esandt hrewt hewar mt owel onherst omach
andwenti ntot hecl osetandcamebackwi t
hasui t
caseandaf ewcl ot hes.Shel ookedatme, “going
somewher e? ”Inodded, “
when? ”
Me:
Tomorr
owmorningandwil
lbeawayf
ort
henext
3mont
hs.I
twasl
astminut
e…
Her
:Babywe’
rei
nourf
ir
stdayofov
ulat
iont
his
month.
Me:
Ther
ewi
l
lbenextmont
h,r
elax.
Her
:Rel
ax?Khenanwhatt
hehel
l
?

Shegotupandstoodbyme, “i
sitt
imetogetup
yet
?”Ir
oll
edmyey esandshelookedatthecl
ock
andwentbackontothebed.Confi
rmed,
mywi f
eis
l
osingi
t,“
whereareyougoing?”
Me:
Tanzani
a.
Her
:Wedon’
thav
ebusi
nesst
her
e.
Me:
Ido,
notus.

Shekeptqui et
,shelayintheposi ti
on.Iwalkedinto
thebathroom andIsighedwhenIopenedt he
cabinetandsawal l
thepr egnancyandov ul
ati
on
test
s.Ididn’
tevengetwhatIcamef or,
Itookoffmy
shir
tandt i
eandwentt obednaked.Shegotupaf t
er
awhi l
eandwentt ocl eanherselfupi nthebathr
oom.
Shecamebacki nandshegoti ntobedandputher
headonmychest ,“
Ihav eagoodf eeli
ngthis
mont h.
”Iwasn’thavingthisconv ersati
on,“
hhmm. ”
*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

Whatt hefuck,Khenancanbesuchanass.It urned

aroundandf acedtheot herdirecti
on,andIsobbed.I
felthishandov erme, “baby,whyar eyoucr yi
ng. ”I
didn’trepl
yhi m…Ir emov edhishandof fmybody ,
“fuckof fKhenan.”Hedi dn’
ttryf i
ghtback;hegotout
ofbedanddi sappearedi nt
ot heclosetawhi lelater
hecamebacki napai rofjogger sandapul l
ov er.I
wasl ookingathi m andhedi dn’tsayany t
hing.He
grabbedhi slaptopbag, phoneandsui t
caseandhe
wal kedoutoft hebedr oom.Ihear dhiscarstar t
ing
andt hensi l
enceagain, Ij
ustcriedevenhar der.

Ididn’
tgetoutofbedf or2daysandIaskedAbebito
helpwiththechil
drenasshewasonl eav
e.Shewas
mor ethanhappyto,onFridayIgotoutofbedand
tookashowerandwentdownst air
s.Thehousewas
empt ythankGod.Imadeasandwi chandat ewi
tha
cupoft ea;Icl
eanedmydishesandwentback
upst
air
s.
Hour slat erther ewasaknockont hedoorandI
pretendedt obeasl eep, butt hedooropened
anyway s.Lakhi wewal kedi nwithat rayinhishand.
Hepl acedi tont hesi det abl eandpul ledthecurtains
open, thesunwasset tingandt helightcamei nt
ot he
room.Heopenedt hebal conydoorandwal kedt o
thedoorandcamebackabot tleofwi neandagl ass.
Goshev er yonei nthi sf ami lythinksIneedt odr i
nkt o
feelbet ter,it
’st r
ue, butev enmychi ldrenwer e
seeingt hat .Hesatont hebed, “
situp. ”Hedi dn’
t
smi l
e;Lakhi wedoesn’ ttalkal otsowhenhesay s
somet hi ngy our espond.WhenIsatdownhehanded
meabowl andi twasseaf oodchowder ,
“AuntAbebi
helpedust omakei t,andshesai dseaf oodgoeswel l
withwhi tewi ne.Ipi ckedi tmy selfandIhopey ou
l
ike.”Hel ookedatmeandnoddedt ellingmet oeat ,
I
tookonespoonf ulandi twasr eall
ygood.Thewi ne
wasal readyopensohet ookoutt hecor kand
pouredal i
ttl
ebi tint hegl assandhandedt omel ike
theydoi nt her estaur ant sf ormet ot aste,“
wheredi d
youl earnt hat ?
”
Hi
m:Iknowalotofthi
ngsmadam,
I’
m amanof
manyt
alent
s.Soyouli
keit
?
Inoddedandl ookedatthebottl
e,Klei
nConst anti
a–
Riesli
ng2015.Hef il
l
edmygl assupandhepl aced
thebottleonmysi detabl
eandhewat chedmeeat .
WhenIwasdonehet ookeveryt
hingdownst ai
rs,I
hadaci garet
teandhecamebackwi t
hhishot
chocolateandabagofmi ni
mar shmallows,li
ke
fatherl
ikeson…hegoti nt
obednextt omeand
l
ookedatme, “f
eeli
ngbetter
?”Inodded, “
yeah
thanks.”
Hi
m:I
t’
sdadi
sn’
tit
.
Me:
Wel
lki
ndof
.
Hi
m:Ok,
wher
eishe?
Me:Awayonbusi
ness,hel
efti
nthemi
ddl
eoft
he
ni
ghtandcoul
dn’
tsaybye.
Hi
m:whenwi
l
lhebeback?
Me:
In2t
o3weeks.Youwantust
ocal
lhi
m?
Hi
m: Tomorrow,
maybehei
sbusy
.Youknow,
time
di
ff
erenceandal
l.
Me:
Idoubt
,he’
sinTanzani
a.
Hi
m:Uhm,
isi
t?

Idon’
tknowwhatt hatlastst
atementwasaboutbut
aft
ersayingthat,hekissedmycheekandsai d
goodnight.Nowthatwassost range…Idon’ tknow
whatitwasaboutandIdi dn’
thav etheener gytotr
y
fi
gureitout.Ihadonel astci
garetteandt hengot
i
ntobed.JustasIwasaboutt ofallasleepIrecei
ved
amessagef r
om Khenan: Goodni ght,Ilov
ey oumy
wif
e.
Ididn’tbotherr
epl y
ing;Iclosedmyey esandslept.I
n
themor ningIreceivedanot hermessageandI
i
gnor editassumi ngitwashi m.20mi nut
eslatethe
phoner angandIdi dn’trecognizet
henumber .I
answer ed,“Nothandohel l
o.”
Hi
m:Hi
,howar
eyou?
Me:
Atandwa?
Hi
m:Yeah,
howar
eyou?
Me:
Nohowar
eyou?
Hi
m: Worrynotwoman, y ourgori
ll
adoesn’tscare
me…Look, Ineedyouonsi tetoday,we’
vefini
shed
t
hebuildi
ngandwoul dliket odi
scussthe
l
andscapi
ngpar tofi
tandIcannotseey ourvisi
on
t
hroughthisamateurthaty ouhir
ed.
Icoul
dn’thel
pbutgi
ggl
e,“
Uhm,
canwemakei
taf
ter
12though?”
Him:Perfect
,I’
m spendi
ngt
hemor
ningwi
thmy
baby
...I
’
llseeyouthere.
Me:
Alr
ight
,by
e.

Igotupandt houghtmay beIshoul ddothesame; I

showeredandgotdr essedinj eansandanadidas
sneakerwit
har edpulloverjersey.Iti
edmyhai ri
na
messybunandwentt olookf ormyki ds;
Lakhiwe
wasinbedwat chingsomet hingont hedi
scovery
channel,
“Morninghoney.”
Hi
m:SupMa.
Me:
We’
regoi
ngt
othezoo.Getr
eady
.
Hi
m:Nope,
that
’sf
orchi
l
dren.
Me:
Wel lIthoughtwewouldgett
hatnewFif
agame
f
oryourplaystati
on.Butf
ineI
’
llt
akeKhany
i.Lat
er!
Hi
m:Wai
tnow,
uhm…
Me:No,
don’
twor
ryabouti
t,y
ouar
eal
l
owedt
o
wat
chTV.By
ehoney.

Iclosedt hedoorsoqui cklyandwentt olookformy

sunshine; shewasi nAbebi’sroom nakedont hebed.
Shehadj usttakenabat handAbebi wast r
yingto
dressherandshewasbei ngdi f
fi
cult,
“good
mor ni
ng.”Shest oppedwhenshehear dmyv oice,
“whyar ey ougivingAbebiahar dti
me? ”shelooked
down, “Idon’tli
ketheout f
itsshepickedforme. ”
Me:WellIt
hinkt
heMinnieMousetracksui
twitht
he
whi
tesneakersi
sper
fectespeci
all
yforthezoo.
Her
:Zoo?
Hereyeswi
dened,andInodded,“
youknowwhat
AuntAbebi
,It
hinkthat
’sanexcel
l
entchoi
ce.
”
IwinkedAbebiandIwentt
othekit
chentomake
pancakes.Ev
eryonecamedownjustasIwasabout
tofini
shandt heyhelpedsett hetabl eandAbebi
helpedcutf ruit.Weallsatdown, includi
ngMar yand
weat e,“wher eisKeenan? ”Abebi lookeddown,
l
ucki l
yforherLakhi wewal kedi nt
ot heroom looki
ng
l
ikeami niKhenan, sport
inggr eyjoggersandagr ey
pulloverwi t
hsocksandsl ops.Hesatdown, “
soisit
themal lthent hezooort heotherwayar ound?”
Me:
Ithoughty
ouwer
en’
tint
erest
ed.
Him:Whenyoubri
ngFI
FAint
oit,
andexpectt
hings
tost
aythesame.Nowpl
easepassmethesyrup
STEPMOM!
Il
aughedathim,becausehewasj
ustbei
ngmean
becauseIbr
ibedhi
mi ntocomi
ngwit
hus.

Wef i
nishedbreakf
astandweheadedt ot heZoo,it
wasabi tchil
l
ybutthekidslovedi
t.Khanyidragged
Abebieverywheret
oev eryani
malinthezoo,whi l
e
Lakhi
weandIsatont hebenchandtalked.
Me:
Youwantt
ospeakt
oyourf
ather
?
Hi
m:Ah,
may
bel
ater
.
Me:Whydon’
tyouwantt
oseehi
m?He’
sbeengone
f
orsometi
me.
Him:I
’m usedtoitnow,Il
i
vedsol
ongwit
houthi
m
andKhensani,andyou’
ret
heonl
yonewhohasever
beenher
e...andguesswhat?
Me:
What
?
Hi
m:You’
rer
ighther
e,soIdon’
tneedt
hem.

Whathesai dwassweet , butIdidn’twanthi m

growinguphat i
ngandf eel inghedoesn’ tneedhi s
father.ButIkeptquietatt hatpointandj usthugged
him; wedecidedt ogof indKhany iandAbebi
becauseIhadmyappoi ntmentwi thAtandwa.We
foundt hem andweheadedt owar dstheexit,“what ’
s
forlunchguy s?Wecan’ thav easi tdownt hough. ”I
heardav oi
cebehindme, “whynot ?”Iturnedar ound
andsmi l
ed,“becauseIhav eameet ingwi t
hy ou…”
wehugged, “whatarey oudoi ngher e?
”hepoi ntedt o
hisdaught er
, “
Itol
dy ou, hav etospendt imewi tht he
pri
ncess. ”
Me:
wel
lIhadt
odot
hesamet
hingt
oo,
wasaboutt
o
dr
opt
hem of
fathomet
ocomet
oyou.
Him:whydon’
tweal
lhav
elunchandt
henwecan
checki
toutaf
ter
.

Iwasn’ ttoosur eaboutt hat ,butt hewhol ef ami ly

washer eandi twasi nnocent .SoIagr eed, wewent
toaspurnear byandhadl unch.I twasni ce,thegi r
ls
gotal ongev enthoughZi phowasacoupl eofy ears
older.Wet alkedabi taboutwor k.Afterlunch
AtandwaandIdr ovet ot hesi tewhi leAbebi tookt he
kidshome.Ourr i
dewasqui etandwej ustlistent o
musi c,wear ri
vedatt heci v
iccent reandi twas
comi ngt oli
ve,wehadbeenwor kingont hisfor
almostay earnow.Thebui ldingl ookedl i
keapal ace,
gorgeousIcoul dseet hef i
nal product .Thepl ace
stil
lhadal otofsandanddustt hepool /pondar ea
wasdugup, Atandwat ookmear oundandshowed
mewhatwoul dgowher e.Thet reeshadar r
ivedandI
couldal r
eadyseet hegr eener y, butther ewasst il
la
l
otofwor ktobedone.Thei nsi dewasst il
lbar e, we
wer edonewi t
hev erythingwegoti ntohi scarand
headedhome.Nowt hatt hemoodhadeasedupa
bi
tIt
ooktheoppor
tuni
tyt
ospeakt
oAt
andwa,
“ar
e
wecool
?”
Hi
m:Yeah,
wear
e.
Me:
I’
m sor
ryf
orwhatKhenandi
dtoy
ou.
Hi
m: Iwouldhav
edonet
hesame.Pl
usIshoul
dbe
t
hankingyou.
Me:
Me?
Hi
m:Yeah,
heonl
yst
oppedbecauseofy
our
ight
?
Me:
Idon’
tknowhey
.ButI
’
m sor
ry.
Him:Thandothi
sisn’
tovert
hough…Iwasn’tl
yi
ng
whenIsaidIlovey
ou.Iwil
lnotr
estunt
ily
ou’r
emine,
andIpromiseyouonethi
ng…
Me:
Atandwapl
easedon’
tdot
his.
Him:Youwi
l
lbemi
ne…butt
hati
sast
oryf
oranot
her
day.
Me:
shutupanddr
ive.
..haha
Helaughed,
“Sohowi
sithav
ingZi
phoar
oundf
ull
t
ime?”
Him:I
t’
sgreat,
butIhav
esomuchtochange.My
worki
nghourssucksoIhadt
ogetuMamat ocome
andhelpout
.
Me:
Soy
ou’
rel
i
vingwi
thy
ourmommyaty
ourage?
Him: Dude,i
t’
snotf unny.AndIcoul
dn’
tri
skget
tinga
nanny ,
Ican’
ttrustanyonearoundmydaughter
,her
grandparent
smi ghttrysomethi
ng.
Me:
Soy
ourmom wi
l
lst
ayher
efor
ever
?
Hi
m:No,ohhel
l no.t
hatwomaniscrazy,may
bef
or
6mont
hstil
lIf
indsomeoneIcantrust.
Me:
Haha,
crazyhowso?
Hi
m:You’
l
lfi
ndoutoneday
.

WegothomeandAt andwaleftwi
thZipho,
Keenan
wasstil
lnotbackyet.Iwentupstai
rsanddeci
dedto
faceti
meKhenan, heanswer edal
mostimmediatel
y,
“heyhow’si
tgoing?”hewasi nagown,soIguess
nomeet i
ngtoday,“howarey oubaby?
”
Me: I
’
m good,
justwant
edt
otal
ktoy
ouabi
tabout
Lakhi
we.
Hi
m:What
’swr
ong?
Me:HeneedsyouKhenan;
heneedsaf
atheranda
mother
.Themoreyou’
reawayt
hemoreheis
sl
i
ppingaway.

Khenangotupandwalkedtopourhi
mselfadr
ink
andthensomethi
ngcaughtmyeye,“
whichhot
elare
youbookedat
?”
Hi
m:Whydoy
ouask?
Me:
Iwantt
osendy
ousomet
hing.
Hi
m: Babyt
hatwi
l
lnotbenecessar
yI’
mthi
nki
ngof
l
eavi
ngearl
y.
Me:Ok…list
enjustt
hinkaboutwhatIsai
d,Ihav
eto
getgoi
ng.I’
l
ltal
ktoyoulater
.
Hi
m:Ok,
Ilov
eyou.

Idi
dn’tev
enrespondandr
andownst
air
s,“
Abebi
,
whereisKeenan?
”
Her
:Notsur
e,hehadsomeofKhenan’
sbusi
nesst
o
t
akecar
eof
.
Me:
Wher
e?
Her
:Hedi
dn’
tsay
,what
’swr
ong?
Me:
Don’tworryabouti
t.Pl
easegetMar
ytowat
ch
t
hekidsandcanyoustartonsupper
?
Her
:Ok.
Me:
Thanks,
I’
ll
bebackl
ater
.

Ij
umpedi nt
othecaranddrov
etooneofKhenan’s
hot
els;
lucki
lyIspot
tedDav
eattherecept
ioni
stt
able.
[
11/
23,
17:
26]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode96

*
***Nar
rat
ed*
***

ThandomarchedtowardsDavewhost oodt
here
smil
ingner
vousl
y,“Mrs.DeCosta,
whatasurpr
ised.
”
Hesaidtoher
,shewasn’tsmili
ng,“Hi
Dave,
Ineed
thekeyst
othepenthouse.”
Dave:Uhm ma’
am Mr
.DeCost
aist
heonl
yonewi
th
thekeys.
Thando:
Youseem t
oforgetIownthi
spl
ace,
andI
thi
nkyoust
il
lenj
oyworki
nghere?

Dav enodded, “That

’sgreat,
andI’l
lhavethekey
now. ”Heknewt hatshemeantbusi nesshedidn’
t
hesitate;hegotthekeyandsl i
ditacrossthe
receptiondesk.Thandot ookthekeyandst ar
ted
walkingaway ,shethent ur
nedaround,“warnhim
thatI’m comingup,y ou’
reasgoodasgone. ”Dave
noddedhi sheadandshedi sappearedintheel
evat
or.

Thandomadeherwayt othepent houseand

knockedonthedoor,“coming. ”Shehear dKhenan
cal
li
ngfrom i
nsi
de,shecont inuedt owai t
.Khenan
openedthedoorandwasgr eet edbyhi sfumingwife
whohadagunpoi ntedtohisf ace,“isthi
sTanzania?
Youcouldhaveatleastkeptt hepai nti
ngIgoty ou
outofyourf
acetime.ThenIwoul dhav ebeli
eved
you.
”Thandowalkedintothepent houseandKhenan
closedthedoor ,heknewhewasinshit
,“wher
eis
she?”Sheaskedherhusbandwi t
hagunpoi nt
edto
hisface,“ANSWERMEGODDAMI T!
!”Khenant
ooka
deepbr eath,
“ baby
,putt
hegundownandcanwe
talkaboutthis?”

Thandowasn’tinthemoodtot al
k;shesearchedthe
wholepenthouseanddidn’
tfi
ndany t
hing.Shecame
backtotheloungeandfoundKhenansi t
tingonthe
couch,“
areyoureadytotal
know? ”
Her
:Whatt
hef
ucki
shappeni
ng?Whyar
eyoul
yi
ng
t
ome?
Hi
m:Thandoj
ustputt
hegundownandsi
tdown!
!
Her:
Am Isuchahor
ri
blewi
fet
haty
ouhav
etor
un
awayfr
om me?
Hi
m:Thandosi
tdown.
Her
:Khenant
ell
me,
youdon’
tlov
emeany
mor
e.
Hi
m:Thandoi
t’
snott
hat
,let
’st
alkaboutt
hispl
ease.
Her:
Youdon’tf
indmeat
tract
iveanymor
e;y
oudon’
t
wanttohav
esexwithmeanymor e?
?
Khenanwasget ti
ngangrybecauseThandowasj ust
notli
steningtohim, “
YES!!Yes,Idon’twanttohav e
sex!
!”Thandol ookedathim shockedandt earsfi
lled
hereyesandshewal kedtowardst hedoor,Khenan
gottherebeforeher.Helockedt hedoor,“
youar e
notgoingany where,youcan’tal
way srunawayev er
y
ti
me.Thi sstopsrighther
e,ri
ghtnow.Weneedt o
tal
kaboutt his.
”
Her:Whatist
her
etot
alkabout
?Youdon’
tfi
ndme
at
tract
ive…
Shestart
edpacingt her
oom,“myownf ucking
husbanddoesn’tf
indmeat t
ract
ive.I
’mthathorr
ibl
e
thathehastofuckingli
eaboutbeingoutofthe
countr
y.”
Hi
m:I
t’
sthi
sbaby
…it
’sdr
ivi
ngy
oucr
azy
!!
Her
:What
?
Hi
m:Yes,
Icannothav
eschedul
edsex!
Her:
Youdon’
twantt
ohav
eababyi
sthatwhat
you’
ret
ryi
ngt
osay?
Him:No,Iwantababy.ButIdon’
twanttohav esex
10ti
mesadayonl yonov ul
ati
ondays.Therestof
themont
hy oudon’twanttohavesexwithme.
You’
rej
ustusingmet ohaveababy.
Her
:Butweagr
eedont
his.
Him: Thandoy ouar enothear i
ngme.Iwantt ohave
ababywi thy oumor ethanany t
hing.I tdoesn’thave
tobel i
kethis,lastti
mewewer ejusthav i
ngsexand
thenwef ellpregnant.Nowy ouarej ustmakingt hi
s
adaunt i
ngexer cise,Idon’twantter msand
conditi
onstooursexl ife.Ij
ustwantt ohav ecrazy
random sexwi thmywi fe,andhopef ull
yfall
pregnant
i
nt heprocess.Iwantt ohav esexi nwhatev erstyl
eI
wishandnott hest y
lest hedoctort ell
sus.Iwantt o
cuddleaftersex, andnotwai tfory out olayfacingup
sot hesperm canswi mt oyourov ar i
es.
Her
:Butbaby
…
Hi
m: Nobut,Iam notdoi
ngthisanymoreThando…I
am t
ir
ed,
it’
stiri
ng,andyouareti
ri
ng!!
!!

Shesatont
hecouchandshewascr
ying,
Khenan
feltbadbuthehadtotell
her.Thiswasn’
twor
king
andsheneededt oknow,hesatdownnexttoher,
“I’
m sorry
,IguessIj
ustgotcarr
iedaway.
”Heputhis
armsar oundherandshecri
edinhisarms.

*
***
***
***
**Thando*
***
***
***
***
*

IsatinKhenan’ sar mssobbingbecauseIhadn’t

reali
zedthecr azymonst erIhadbecome.Iwant ed
thi
sbabysobadl y,andIwasdr i
vi
ngmyhusband
awayandbr eakingmymar r
iage.Wesatli
ket hatf
or
awhi l
euntilIwasf i
ne,heli
ftedmychin,“
youwant
togohome? ”Inodded, “oklet’
sgohomebaby .
”He
wentt ogogetdr essedandheputmyguni nthe
safe,andlaughedwhi l
ehewasdoi ngthat,“
wer ey
ou
goingtoshootmeort hegirl
?Ha? ”
Me:Iwasgoingt
oshootbot
hofy
ou…I
’
m gl
ady
ou
f
inditf
unny
.
Hi
m:Youwerefunny
, IknewIwassaf
ebecauseI
di
dn’
tdoany
thi
ngwr ong.
Me:
Mxm,
let
’sgo.

Wedr ovehomehol dinghands; t

hehousewasqui et
whenwegott here.Icheckedt heroomsandt heki ds
wereallsl
eeping.Wedi shedupandat ei
nthe
bedroom;wecuddl edtil
lwef ell
asleep.Thenext
coupleofdayswer eamazi ngandwehadt onsof
sex,i
fIwasn’tpregnantfrom thist
henIguessI ’
l
l
neverbepregnant.

Iplannedat r
ipwi ththechildrenandAbebi t
o
Mpumal angabecauset heywer eonhol iday.I
bookedusi ntoLej weLaMet siprivatereserve.The
placewasbeaut i
f ul;
wegotoneoft hev i
ll
asfora
week.ThenextdayIwentt ot hecasi nosi t
eandmet
upwi thEdzani andheshowedmear oundandt he
progresst heyhadmade.Hepr edictedt hat
everythingwouldbecompl etesoonert hanexpected.
Thispl acewashugeandIdi dn’
tev enknowwher eto
startinrunningit.Ididn’
tdomyr esearchbecauseI
feltIhadt i
mebutseei ngitjustli
taf i
reinme.The
nextdayImetupwi thCandi ceandshewasgoi ngt o
headupt hedesignont hei nteri
or,butIwant edtobe
handsonespeci al
lywi tht hehot elrooms.Wespoke
forov er5hour sdiscussi ngsomei deas,whenIgot
backt oourv il
lawher eIf oundKhenanwas
swimmi ngwi t
htheki ds…whatani cesurprise.I
wentt omyr oom andchangedi ntomybi kini,t
hen
wentpassedAbebi ’
sr oom.Iknockedonceand
openedt hedoorandt henIf roze,Iwalkedoutand
closedt hedoorandwal kedtot hepool area.Khenan
sawmeandgotoutoft hepool andwal kedt owards
me.t henhel ookedatme, “shouldn’tyoubeexci ted
thatyourmani shere? ”Ilookedathi m bl
ankly,“baby,
hell
o…ear t
ht oThando. ”
Me:
BabyIj
ustsawKeenanandAbebi
.
Hi
m:Okso?
Me:
Hav
ingsex.
Hi
m:HaHa…hemi
ssedhi
swoman,
I’
ddot
hesame.
Me:
But
…li
ke
Hi
m:Whatst
ylewasi
t?
Me:
Real
l
y?
Him: Yeahbaby
,Iwantt
oknowifl
it
tl
ebr
otheri
s
gett
ingthesamegoodserv
iceasme.
Ipunchedhi
mint
hechest
,“y
ou’
renast
y.”
Him:
Ok, t
ell
meonet hi
ng.Whohasabiggerdick,
for
somereasonhet
hinkshisi
sbiggert
hanmi ne.
Me:
Ok,
I’
m donewi
thy
ou.
Him:comeon,
youjustgotaf
reepor
noanddi
dn’
t
checkoutt
hei
nches.
Me:
you’
redi
sgust
ing.
Hi
m:I
'
m goi
ngt
osee.

Igavehi
m alookandIwal kedovertothepool
chai
rsandheshoutedbackatme, “
what!Ijustwant
toknow”Ii
gnoredhim andputmyt owelonmychai r
andthenwenttogoswi m wit
hmybabi es.Khenan
cameandsatwi t
hhisfeetin,“
babyareyoumad? ”
Me:
Idon’
twantt
otal
kabouti
t.
Hi
m:Whynott
hough?I
fyoudon’
tlaughabouti
t,i
t’
s
j
ustgoi
ngt
obeawkwar
d.
Me:
What
ever
…leav
emeal
one.

Iwentunderthewat erandcameupbyKhany i
and
playedwit
hheri nt
hewat erunti
ltheygottired.We
wentinsi
det ogetcleanedupandwentf orsupper,
whenIwal kedinKeenanat temptedt ohugmeandI
ducked.Asinranawayav oidi
ngthehug, “reall
y
Thando?It’
sjustsex.”RightthenKhenanwal kedi
n,
“dudeIwast ry
ingtotellherthesamet hing.Sowhat
positi
onwerey ouhitt
ing?”
Me: Youguysaredisgust
ing,
ifyoudiscusst
hisany
fur
therIwil
ltel
lAbebiandsheisgoingtodumpy our
ass,fast
ert
hany oucansaydick!!

Rightt henAbebiwalkedinandsatdownnexttoher
boyfriend,“
weren’tyouguyssayi
ngsomething?”I
teasedt hem becauseIknewtheyweren’
tgoingto
continuewiththistopi
c.
Khenan:
Thandoy
oudon’
thav
etobet
hatway
.
Me:
Youguy
sst
art
ed,
y’al
lbet
terst
artact
ingr
ight
!!

TheykeptquietandAbebi
gaveusthel
ookbecause
shedi
dn’tknowwhatwewer etal
ki
ngabout
.
Keenan:
Ok,
I’
m sor
ry.
Me:
Good,
nowshal
lweeat
?

Wehadoursupper,
Abebi andIwerequi
etwhi
le
Khenanandhi
sbrotherweregoi
ngonandon.After
thatweal
lwentt
osleep,t
henextmor ni
ngIwas
wokenupbyKhenanearly
, “
baby,
getup.”
Me:
Thef
uck,
its6am.
Hi
m:Ihav
easur
pri
sef
ory
ou.
Me:
Leti
twai
t3mor
ehour
s.

Icoveredmyheadwi ththeduvetandtr
iedtosleep.I
fel
thim getoutofbedandwentt orunthebath,a
minutelat
erhedrewt hecoversoffmeandpicked
meup, “KhenanI’
m goingtofucki
ngkil
lyou.
”He
car
ri
edmeov erhisshoulderki
cki
ngandscr eaming
andheputmei nthebath.Iwasfumingbecausehe
gotmyhairwetandIhadj ustgot
tenitdonelast
week.
Me:
Whatt hehel
l
,Khenany
ouknowmyhai
risgoi
ng
t
ofr
izzr
ight?
Hi
m:Youswam y
est
erday
.
Me:
Wit
hashowercap.
Hi
m:I
’
llmakei
tupt
oyou.

Hegoti nt
othetubandt ookmywetni ghti
eoffand
star
tedcleani
ngmeupl i
keababy .I
twassonot
necessarybutIlethim doitanyways.Af t
erthathe
carr
iedmet othebedr oom andgav emear obe,he
tookoutasmal ltrav
el bagandgav ei
tt ome, “pi
ck
one.”Iopenedthebagandi twasfullofbiki
nisand
swimwear .
Me:
Whatt
hehel
l
?
Hi
m:I
t’
sasur
pri
se.
Me:
Khenany
ou’
rebei
ngsoannoy
ingr
ightnow.
Hi
m:hur
ryupal
ready
…

Hel efttheroom, weir

do!Ipickedoutar edhighcut
onepi ece,Iputonmyl otionandputmyr obeback
onandwentoutoft heroom.Thepl acewasbuzz ing
andt herewer epeopleeverywhere.Khany iwas
runningar oundinherbathingsuitwhil
eAbebi wasin
achai rgetti
ngherhairdone, Il
ookedar oundand
couldn’tfi
ndmyhusbandany where.Iwalkedto
Abebi ,“what’
sgoingon? ”Shewasaboutt oanswer
whenagayguywal kedupt ome, “
andy oumustbe
theMr s?Comenow. ”Ilookedathi m,“wedon’thave
alldayhoney ,andthereareat housandshot st
obe
takent oday.”
Me:
Shot
s?
Him:Yeah,
that
’swhatnor
mal
l
yhappensdur
inga
phot
oshoot.Nowsit
.

Isatdownandhest ar
tedwithmyf ace,andafew
minutesl
atersomeonewasst ar
ti
ngonmyhai r.“
not
toomuchheat ,
ify
oubr eakmyhairI’
llbreaky
ou!!
”I
couldn’
tseeherexpr essi
onbecausemyey eswer e
closed.If
eltakissonmycheek; Iwasunderst r
ict
i
nst r
ucti
onsnott oopenmyey estil
lweweredone,
“whatthehelliswrongwi t
hyou,yougoingtorui
n
herface.I’
l
lkickyou.”Khenanj
ustlaughed,“
youl ook
gorgeouswi f
ey.”
Me:
What
’sgoi
ngon?
Hi
m: It
houghti
twouldbeniceforust
ogetsome
pi
ctur
estakenofus,
prof
essional
ly
.
Me:
That
’ssweetr
eal
l
y,butI
’
m hungr
y.
Hi
m:Yougoi
ngt
orui
ntheswi
msui
tshoot
.

Ididn’tcareaboutmyi nstructi
onstoclosemyey es;
Iopenedoneey eandgav ehim adeathstare.Heput
hi
shandsupsur r
ender
ing,“ohmy …thatlook?I’l
lbe
backwi thfood. ”HewalkedawayandIcl osedmy
eyesagai n,hecamebackl aterwit
haf r
uitsalad.I
wasbei ngt estedat7inthef ucki
ngmor ning,“l
adies
sorrytointerruptyourworkbutIhav eahusbandt o
mur der.
”Igotupandchar gedathim andher anoff,I
wentt oodishupf ormyself.Igr
abbedbacon,
waf f
les,morebaconandsausage.AndIt ook
anotherrasherofbaconjustincasewhatIhadon
mypl atewasn’tenough..
.Iwentbackt
omyseat .
Afterwewer eallglammedupwewentout si
det
o
thepool ar
eatot akephotos.

Thiswasf unactual
ly;someshot sofusal l
,justme
al
onesomewi ththekidsandawhol emi xmat ch.
Aft
ert hatwechangedandwentoutt otheanimal
parkwher ewetookpictureswiththeani malsasthe
background.Thesunwasnowset ti
ngandi twas
gorgeous,Iwasn’tmadf orbei
ngwokenupat6am,
butIwashotandhungr y.Wefinishedaftersunset
andweal l
headedbackt oourv i
l
la.Khany iwas
sl
eepingandwhenwegott othev il
l
aKhenant ook
herfrom me,“so?”Ipouted,“
sowhat ?”
Hi
m:ha…y
ouenj
oyedi
tdi
dn’
tyou?
Me:
Kindof
.
Hi
m:mxm,
nodi
ckf
ory
ou!
Me:
Sui
tyour
sel
f.
Wehadsupperandt henwechil
ledoutsi
debyt he
poolhavi
ngdri
nks.Toni
ghtwasourlastnighther
e.
Wehadt ogetback,t
hekidshadonemor eweekof
hol
idaysandKali
sawantedtoseethem.
Thenextmor ningweheadedoutt otheairportand
boardedthejetandheadedhome.Char li
epi ckedus
upatt heai
rport,
Ihadn’
tseenhi m sincetheweddi ng
anditwasgr eattot
alktohim aftersomet ime.It
wasl uncht
imewhenwear r
ivedathome, Char l
ie
droppedusof fandIinv
itedhim overforsupperl at
er
on.
[
11/
23,
17:
26]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode97

Kali
sacamet ovisi
tandIwasuneasyabouthav ing
herinthehouse, butatt
hesamet imeIcouldn’t
depri
v etheki
dsoft hei
rgrandmother.Shewas
scheduledtostayt i
l
lFri
day,butontheThursday
before,shecall
edmeandKhenant ot hel
ounge.We
all
satdown, “mom whati sthi
saboutnow? ”
Her
:It
hinkt
hingsi
nthi
sfami
l
yar
ejustnotgood,
andI
’
vecal
l
edaf
ami
l
ymeet
ing.
Hi
m:Fami
l
ymeet
ing?
Her
:Yeahy
ouruncl
esar
eont
heway
.
Me:
Whatpr
obl
emsdoy
ouwantt
odi
scuss?
Her
:Thesit
uati
onbetweenyouandyourbr
other
,and
weneedtotal
kaboutthi
srushedweddi
ng.
Him:
Mom Tar
eckandIar
efine,asformyweddi
ng
andmar
ri
aget
oThandodoesn’tconcer
nanyofy
ou.
Her:Tareckiswalki
ngaroundl
ooki
ngoverhi
s
shoulderbecausehethi
nksyou’
recomi
ngforhi
m.
Khenan:Andheshoul dbe,hefuckedwi
ththewrong
per
son.Andt hemeet
ingwon’tchangewhathedid
tomywi fe,andhowhei mpregnat
edmywi f
e.Asa
matteroffactitwon’
tchangeanythi
ng.
Her
:Khenanhei
syourol
derbr
other
.
Me:
Yourpoi
nt?
Her:I
’mtalki
ngtomyson, andasf
oryourwi
feher
e;
weneedt oburyKhensani
andspeaktoyour
ancest
orsaboutherpassi
ngandint
roducet
hem t
o
Thando.
Him:Mom youknowIdon’tbeliev
einal
lthatshi
t,
sheisoutoft
hepict
ureandt hati
swhereshewill
stay
.Keepall
yourancest
ralshitt
oyour
self.
Her
:Khenan.
Him:Li
sten,t
her
ewi
l
lbenomeet
ing,
andwear
e
donehere.
Her
:Theel
der
sar
eont
hei
rwayal
ready
.
Hi
m:Sendt
hem back.
Her
:Ican’
tdot
hat
,youknowt
hat
.
Him:Butyoucoul
daskt
hem t
ocomeher ewi
thout
consul
ti
ngme.Wherear
eall
thesepeopl
egoi
ngt o
stay
?
Her
:Ther
eisenoughr
oom her
e.
Him:
Thi
sisourhome,
arey
ouhear
ingy
our
sel
fri
ght
now?
Her
:Thi
sisy
ourf
ami
l
yKhenan.
Him:AndwhenlastdidIseet
hem?WhymustI
accommodatepeoplewhodon’tgi
veaf
uckabout
me?

Icouldseehim gett
ingangr y
,Iheldhishandand
squeezedit
,“Kali
sacany ougi v
eusamoment ?”She
gavemeal ook,“anythingy ouneedt odiscussabout
thi
s,Ishoul
dbeher et oo.”Igotupandpul l
ed
Khenanupandwel eftKal i
sabyher sel
fandwentt o
ourbedroom.Isatont hebedandKhenanpacedup
anddownt heroom, “sitdownwi l
lyou?”
Khenan:
Shei
supt
osomet
hingIknowi
t.
Me:Relax,
justgowit
hit
.Thequi
ckert
hishappens
thequi
ckertheyal
ll
eaveandwecangoonabout
ourownli
ves.
Hi
m:Idon’
twantt
hem her
e.
Me: Iknow, buti
fyousayno, youknowt heywi
ll
thi
nkIinfluencedyourdeci
sionandt hatwil
lj
ust
causeabi ggerdri
fti
nthefami ly
.Pleasedon’
tmake
met hecauseoft hedri
ft,
Kalisaalr
eadyhatesme
thi
swi l
ljustaddfuelt
othefire.
Hi
m:Butbaby
…
Me: Nobut,y
ouwi llj
ustsi
tinthatmeet
ingand
agreewitht
hem.Pl usIthi
nkKalisamayberight
aboutKhensani.Thechil
drenneedtoknowthatthei
r
mot heri
snevercomingback.
Hi
m:Uhm…whydoy
ouhav
etomakesense?
Me: Rememberwhaty ousai
daf terourweddi
ng?
‘
Youmakemeconsi derwhenI’m abouttoberash’
Nowt hisisoneoft
hosemoment s.Nowf i
ndout
from Kali
sawhentheywil
lar
riveandhowmanyof
them wil
lbehereandIwil
lpreparefir
stthi
nginthe
mor ni
ng.It’
sonl
yoneweekend, Sundaytheywil
lal
l
begone.

Hesmi
l
ed,
“fuckIl
ovey
ouwoman!
!”
Me:
AndIloveyoutoo.Nowhurryandtal
ktoyour
mot
herandgetbackhere,
ther
e’ssomethi
ngIwant
t
oshowyou!(Wink)

Hechuckl
edandki
ssedmyf
oreheadandwentout
t
osearchforhi
smother
.
Thenextmor ningIwasupear lyt ohel pMar ywith
thepr eps,5uncl eswer ecomi ngandoneaunt .
Luckilythehousewasbi genoughf orev ery one,butI
stil
lwasuneasy .Ihadabadf eel ing, wewer edone
by10am andIhadt ostockupoff ood.Thef ami l
y
woul dbeher ebyl uncht imesoIneededt ohav e
cookedbyt hen.Khany iandImadeourwayt othe
stores,andIr egr etteditthemi nut eweent eredt he
store.Shewasev erywher eandl oadedal lthe
unnecessar yt hingsi nthet rol
ley ,shei snor mal l
y
wellbehav ed.Todayt hedev ilherf atheral way stal
ks
aboutwasshowi ngi t
’sself!Icoul dn’ tdeal ;Ijust
walkedaheaddoi ngmyownt hingandi gnor edher.
Shekeptj umpi ngar oundandshout ing, “
doy ouwant
togohome? ”shej ustgav emet hel ookandr an
downt hei
sles, “Khany i
sil
ePear lDeCost ai fy outake
onemor estepIwi l
lbeatt helivinghel l outofy ou!!
”
shef rozeinhert racksandl ookedatmet ear yeyed,
“andifIdar eseeat eary ouwi llbesor ry ,nowget
backher e.”Shewal kedt omesl owl yl ooki ngdown; I
pickedherupandputheri nthet rol ley .Shekept
wipinghertear
swi ththebackofherhandand
sobbingsil
entl
y ,
okIf el
tbad.Iconti
nuedwit
hthe
shoppingandIpai dforeveryt
hingi
ncludi
ngher
sweet sandchipsandal lt
heotherrubbi
shsheputin
there.Il
oadedtheboot ,“
youwantanyofy our
sweet snow?”sheshookherhead, Itookheroutof
thetroll
eyandshegoti ntothebackseatonherchai
r
afterbuckl
ingherupIdr oveushome.

Lucki
lyKhenanwast here,hecamet othecarand
theminuteheopenedt hedoorKhany i
putupher
armsandl etoutaloudcry.Khenantookheroutof
thecarseatandhuggedher ,hegavemet he
questi
oninglookandIroll
edmyey esathim.Itook
thebagsinsidewit
ht hehelpofKeenanandwewer e
unpacki
ngi ntheki
tchen,“
Thando?”
Me:
Hmm.
Hi
m:It
hinkIshoul
dn’
tbeher
ethi
sweekend.
Me:
wher
edoy
out
hinky
oushoul
dbe?
Hi
m:Any
wher
ebuther
e.
Me:
Any
wher
eel
sebutwher
eyourf
ami
l
yis?
Hi
m:Theyhat
eme;
I’
mjustal
ovechi
l
dtot
hem.
Me: Maybeyoushouldtel
lKhenantobr
ingthatup,
andmay betheyshoul
dintr
oduceyoutothe
ancest
ors.
Hi
m:Theywoul
dnev
eragr
eet
othat
.
Me:
Andy
ouknowt
hisbecause?
Hi
m:Kal
i
sawi
l
linf
luencet
hem.
Me: Idon’tbl
ameher,sheissti
l
lhurt.Butt
heseare
yourfather’
sbrot
her
snothi swif
e,theythi
nkwit
h
t
heirheadsandnotwi ththei
rheart
s.
Hi
m:Ok.

Khenanwalkedintot
heki
tchen,“
speakoft
he
devi
ls.
”Ipouted,“
Whatdi
dy oudotomydaught
er?
”
Me:
Excuseme?
Hi
m:Whatdi
dyoudot
oourchi
l
d?
Me:
Ishout
edather
,andt
oldherIwi
l
lhi
theri
fshe
cr
ies.

Bot
hheandhisbrot
herl
ookedatmeshocked,
“why
di
dyoudothat
?”Keenanasked.
Me:
Shewasact
ingl
i
keabr
at.
Khenan:
NonotmysweetKhany
i
Theybot
hlaughedoutl
oud,
“I’
m goi
ngt
omakebot
h
ofyoucr
ytoo!”
Khenan:
Whatdi
dshedo?

Ipoi
ntedatt
hepacket
sful
lofjunkfood,hel
ooked
atmeconfuse,
“andwher
eistheproblem?”
Me:
Whenl
asthav
eyoubeeni
nthepant
ry?
Hi
m:Uhm
Me:
Gochecki
toutnow!

Heopenedt
hepantrydoorandwenti
nsi
de,hecame
backwi
thapacketofl
ays,“
and?”hedi
dn’
trepl
yhe
walkedaway .“
Iwantarefundf orallt
hisshi
t!
”he
didn’
trespond.Iwaslef
tinthekitchenwithKeenan
andIforcedhimt ochopveggies,“youevermetall
theuncles?”
Me:Nope,j
ustseenpi
ctur
es.Khenani
sn’
ttoocl
ose
wi
thhisfami
ly.
Hi
m:It
hinkt
hat
’sbecauseofme.
Me:
Howso?
Hi
m: Whenwefoundeachotherhi
smothernever
want
edtoseeorevenhearmyname.SoIthink
whenwebecamecloserhedist
ancedhi
mselff
rom
t
hem.
Me:ButhasKhenanev
ert
ri
edt
osi
tthem downand
t
alktothem?
Him:
Het r
iedt
oshowhi
smot
hert
heDNAt
estwhi
ch
sher
eject
ed.
Me: Sohehasn’
tspokentot
hem, andherei
sthe
chance.Butmaybehere’
swhatIshoul
dbeasking,
doyouwantt obeaccept
edandbepar toft
hefamil
y?
Hel
ookeddown,
“Idon’
tknow.
”
Me: Well
youneedt oanswerthatquest
ionbefor
e
speaki
ngt oKhenan.Andify
oudon’ twantt
obepart
ofthefamily
,nobodywil
lbemad.I t
’suptoyou.
Hi
m:Thankssi
si.

Hel eftmei ntheki tchenwhi leIfini

shedt her estof
themeal justintimet oreceiveourunwant edguest s.
Ev eryonegr eetedandweshookhands, Iwasi nar ed
vintagecheckedA- li
nedr essf orsomer easonIwas
bar efootsi nceIwasj ustfi
nishingupt hef ood.They
camei nandev eryonesati nt heloungeandt alkeda
bit,theyi ntroducedmeandi mmedi atelydi dn’tli
ke
oneoft heuncl es.Theycal ledhi m Bar t,hel ooked
l
ikeadr unkandagr eedymot herfucki ngpuss, and
heconf irmedt hatwhenheaskedf orwhi skey .I
boughtabot t
leofJohnnyWal kerGr eenLabel ,he
l
ookedatt hebot t
lei ndisgust, “
you’regoi ngt ol et
youri n-lawsdr inkt hischeapshi t
?”Whatt hef uckdid
hej ustsayt ome?Cheapshi t?Thi sf amilywas
tempt i
ngt heshi toutofme, “whatwoul dy oul ike?”
Bar
t:Pl
ati
num l
abel
orBluel
abel
…Khenany
ouneed
tot
eachyourwif
eathi
ngortwo!
Khenan:
Unf
ort
unat
elyt
hat
’sal
lwehave,
unl
essy
ou
gi
vememoneyandsendmet obuyf
oryou?
Bar
t:Cheekyar
eyou,
bri
ngt
hatt
hen.

Il
eftt
hem t
ogosetupi nthedi
ningroom theaunt
cametotheki
tchen,
“Thandori
ght?”Itur
nedaround,
“yesma.
”
Her:
Don’
tmindBar
t,hei
sjustadr
unkar
dwi
thout
anymanner
s.
Me:
I’
m al
ri
ght
,don’
twor
ry.
Her
:Youneedhel
p?
Me:
Thatwoul
dbeni
ce,
thanks.
Her
:I’
m Cedel
l
a.
Me:
Nicet
omeety
ou.

Weputev
ery
thi
ngi
ntot
heser
vingbowl
s,“
Youneed
todi shupf ory ourhusbandf irstandt henwor kdown
from t heol destuncl et othey oungest .
”Shegav eme
adviceandIsmi led, wecalledt hemeni ntot he
diningr oom andwegav ethem wat ert owasht heir
hands.Idi shedupf orKhenanwhohadast upid
smi leonhi sfaceandt henIdidj ustasAuntCedel la
i
nst ructed.WhenIwasdonet hewomendi shedup
forthemsel vesandIdi shedupf orthechi l
dr enand
Keenanwhowashi di nginhisr oom.Idi dn’tentertai
n
him; Ijustgav ehi m hisplateandwentt owakeup
mysl eepingKhany i
, “baby.
”Shewasst il
lsleepyand
sheopenedherey esandpout ed,“Mommy ,arey ou
stil
langr y?”Ishookmyhead, “Comel et ’
sgogety ou
food, arey ouhungr y ?”shenodded.Ipi ckedherup
andwal kedt ot hel oungewher et hewomenwer e
eatingandIst artedf eedingmysl eepyangel .The
restoft heev eningandni ghtwasqui et.

Thenextmor ni
ngthemenwokeupt oabreakfastI
hadprepar
edandt heystar
tedwit
htheirmeeting,
Abebicameov erwhichIwashappyabout.Keenan
wasstil
lhi
dinginhisroom wi
thLakhi
wepl ay
ingthat
playst
ati
onrubbi
sh.Khany
iwassleepi
ngi nour
room;Abebi
andIwer eint
heki
tchendrinki
ng
Berni
nii
ncoffeemugsandtal
ki
ngst or
ies.
Themeet ingendedar oundsuppert i
meand
ever yoneat etogether ,thef amil
ywast oldabout
Khensani ’spassi ngandt hef uneral
woul dbenext
weekend, thenIhadt obei ntr
oducedt heweekend
aftert hefuneral.I’
m gl adt hatwasallover,Uncle
Bar twasget t
ingdr unkandIwasget ti
ngannoy ed.I
putKhany idowni nherr oom, Iwenttogetabot t
leof
champagnef orKhenanandI .hewasst i
lli
nt he
l
oungewi thhi suncl e,final l
yhecamet other oom
andIhadr unthebat hwi t hhisfavbathoi l
s,hecame
andgav emeaki ss,“Imi ssedy outoday.”Iblushed,
“Imi ssedy out oobaby ,Igotusabot t
leofbubbl y.
”
Hehadanaught ysmi l
eonhi sface,notsexual
though, “what ?”
Hi
m:Wi
l
lyoudot
het
ri
ck?
Me:
Whatt
ri
ck?
Hi
m:Wi
tht
hekni
fe.
Me:
Haha,
babynott
oday
.
Hesul ked,
“okgogett heknif
e.”Hesmiledandthen
scratchedhishead,“
ifIgodownt hereBartwi
l
lkeep
tal
kingandIwon’ tbeabletoleave.
”
Il
etoutasigh,“
fi
ne,
youoweme30mi
nut
esof
pussyeat
ing.
”
Hi
m:Deal
.

Ilaughedandwentt othekitchenandgotaknife,
andsomewhi pcream andheadedbackupt omy
hubby .WhenIwalkedpassedKhany i
’sroom she
wascr ying,
thi
sgirlandhernightmar
es.Ist
oodi n
thehal l
waytoseeifshe’
llconti
nueandshewas
screami ngout“
mommy ”

Iopenedthedoorandf oundBart,
forci
nghimselfon
mydaught er
.Hi
spant swereunzippedbuthis
underwearwasstil
lonIdroppedev er
ythi
ngIwas
carr
ying,
Iwasfuckingfuming.Igrabbedhim byhi
s
shi
rtandgothim ofthescreamingKhanyi,“
WHAT
THEFUCKDOYOUTHI NKYOUAREDOI NG? ?”he
wasst umbl i
ngar ound,“getoutofmywayy ou
fuckingbi t
ch.”Heat tempt edt osl apmebuthe
mi ssed, Ipunchedhi m andhef ell ont hef loorhi t
ting
hishead, “
YOUSI CKBASTARD! !”Iscr eamedki cking
him ov erandov eragain;hewasl y ingont hef loor
moani ngi npain.Iwasshaki ngandki cki nghi m
wasn’ tenough, Igrabbedt hekni fet hatIdr opped
andsatont opofhi m andst artedst abbi nghi mi n
thechest ,“NOTMYDAUGHTER!NOTMYFUCKI NG
DAUGHTER!AAAAAAAAAHHHH! !”Iwasscr eami ng
andst abbinghi slif
elessbodywi thbl oodspl attering
ev erywher e,Ijustcouldn’tstop.Peopl ewer e
scr eami ngar oundmeandKhenanpul ledmeaway
from t hedeadbody ,Abebi wascar ryi
ngascr eami ng
Khany ioutt heroom.Khenanl ookedatmeshocked
andIdr oppedt heknifeanddr oppedt omyknees
andst artedcr yi
ng,“Notmydaught er !
!”Mybodywas
shaki ngal loverandIcoul dn’tbreat h, Iletoutone
l
astwai l andev eryonewentsi l
ent .Thesi l
encewas
deaf ening, andt hesil
encewasbr okenbypol ice
sirens.Khenanl ookedupathi sf ami l
y,“whocal led
thepol i
ce? ”
Kal
i
sa:
Whaty
oumean,
shej
ustmur
der
edy
ouruncl
e.

Khenanwalkedrightuptoherface,
“youcal
l
edt
he
fucki
ngcopsonmywi fe?GETOUTOFMYHOUSE
ALLOFYOU! !”Nobodymov ed,
“ GO!
!”

Theyal lwalkedoutofther oom andwent

downst air
s,thecopswer ealreadyinthehouseand
Kali
sawasmor ethanhappyt oshowt hem t
ome.
Theydi dn’
tneedt oaskanyquest ions,t
heycuffed
meandst artedtel
li
ngmemyr i
ghts,andIdi
dn’thear
athinghewassay ing.IwalkedpassKhenan’sf amil
y
whol ookedatmewi thdisgust.Cedell
aandKalisa
stoodt oonesi deandwat chedmebei ngescorted
outofmyhouse.Theyputmeatt hebackoft hevan
anddr oveof f.

*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Iwasf
umi
ng;
Iwant
edt
ori
psomeone’
sthr
oatout
!
Thepolicetapedof ft
hebedroom andst art
ed
worki
ng, whichwasst upi
dbecauset heyknewwhat
happenedher e.It
oldKeenantowat cht hehouse
andnobodyl eaves.KhanyiwassleepinginAbebi’
s
arms,“howi sshe?”Abebiwhispered,“She’
sokay.
”
Me: Pl
easegethert
othehospit
al,
Ineedher
checkedup.Ihavet
orushtothepoli
cest
ati
on,
I’
m
sorr
ytodot hi
stoyou.
Her
:Don’
twor
ryabouti
t.

Iki
ssedmydaught
er’
sfor
eheadandwentt
othecar
,
Idial
edJamesont
hehandsfree,
“doy
ouknowwhat
theti
meis?”
Me:Thandowasar
rest
ed;
Ineedy
ouatt
hepol
i
ce
st
ati
onnow.
Hi
m:Wher
e?
Me:
Athl
one.
Hi
m:cool
.
Icutthecal
landspedtothestati
on,whenIgot
ther
enobodywoul dt
ellmewhatwashappening.I
causedonehellofasceneunti
lCaptai
nVanWy k
camet ospeakt
ome, “Mr.DeCosta?
”
Me:
Wher
eismywi
fe?Ineedt
oseehernow.
Captai
n:pl
easer
elaxsi
r,shei
sbeingpr
ocessedint
o
thesyst
em andt
henIcangiveyouawhil
etotalkto
her.
Me:Doy
ouknowwhoIam?Iwantt
ospeakt
omy
wi
feNOW!!

ThatwaswhenIf el
tahandonmyshoul derandI
tur
nedaroundandt hr
ewapunch.Lucki lyJames
knewmewel l bynowandheduckedt hatshot ,“
you
needtocalm downbuddy .That’
swhyy oucall
edme
writ
e?Nowt akeaseat .”Het ur
nedtofacethe
off
icerwhowast wicehi ssize,
“Const
able…I ’
m Mrs.
DeCosta’
sattorney.Ineedt ose-”
Capt
ain:
It’
sCapt
ain.
James:
Ok,
doesn’
tchangewhatIwantf
rom y
ou,
Capt
ain,
li
eut
enant
,Super
int
endent
…Ineedt
osee
mycli
ent.
Captain:
Shei
sst
il
lbei
ngpr
ocessed,
giv
eme10
minutes.
James:
5mi
ns.Orel
seI
’
m ont
hephonewi
thPar
ker
.

Thecaptainlookedshocked; hesaidhe’l
lberi
ght
back.Wewai tedforlessthen5mi nutesandhe
camet ogetus, “
thi
swaygent l
emen.”Jamesgav e
him asmirk;Iwastoowor ri
edt oevenjoi
nhimi n
beingadick.Wewer eledtoaroom wher eThando
was,shewassi t
ti
ngatat abl
eandherhandscuf f
ed
together
.IlookedattheCaptain,“i
sthatnecessary?
”
henodded, Jamesl ookedathim,“i
sitreall
y?”
Thecapt ainletoutasighandst eppedout,“
hey
baby …”Shedi dn’
tmov e,shedidn’
trespondshejust
staredstrai
ghtahead.Jamessatacr ossfr
om her
andIpul l
edmychai raroundandsatnexttomywi fe
withmyar m aroundherandmyr i
ghthandholdi
ng
hers.
James:
Iwon’
tasky
ouwhathappened,
wewi
l
l
discussthatwhenyougethome.Si
nceit’
sSaturday
youwi l
lspendtoni
ghtandtomor
rowherebeforewe
canappeari ncour
tonMondayforyourbai
lheari
ng.
Me:Wtff
uck??Jamest
woni
ght
s?Nocany
ounot
cal
li
nafavor
?
James: I
t’
stooearl
ytocal
linfavor
s;wemightneed
them atalat
erst
age,soIsuggestwesav
et hem f
or
arainyday.

Ididn’twantt ounder stand,soIrelaxedabi t

.“It
hink
thatyourbai lwillbesetqui t
ehighbecauseofy our
status.”Jamescont i
nuedtoinform usoft he
process.Al lt
histimeThandohadn’ tsaidasi ngl
e
wor dandshewasj ustst ar
ingahead, aftersome
ti
met heCapt aincamei nandwehadt ogo.Fuck
thisshit,Ican’thandlet hi
s.JamesandIst ood
outsidebyt hecarandt alkedabitmor eandt henhe
headedhome, IdialedAbebi andtheywer estil
lat
thehospi tal
.Idrov etot hehospit
al,“howi sshe? ”
Abebi
:Sheisok;thedoct
orsedat
edherbecauseshe
wasabitrest
less.
Me:
Fuckandhowl
ongdot
heywantt
okeepher
?
Abebi:
notsureyet,buttheyar
ekeepi
nghert
onight
andtomorrowmor ningshehasanappoi
ntmentwit
h
thechi
ldpsychol
ogist.
Me:
Alr
ightt
hanks.I
’
llt
akei
tfr
om her
e.
Her
:How’
sThandodoi
ng?
Me:Notgood,
shehast ospendtheni
ghtand
tomor
row.Bai
lheari
ngwill
onlybehel
donMonday
.I
havet
hebestl
awy ersoshewil
lbeout.
Her
:I’
l
lpr
ayf
orher
,letmegetgoi
ng.

Wehuggedandt hensheleft,Iwentintotheroom
wheremydaughterwassl eeping.Ican’
tbeli
eveall
oft
hiswashappeningallatonce, mywi f
einjail
and
mydaughteral
mostrapedandnowi nhospit
al.Isat
i
nthechairwit
hmyf aceinmyhandsandcr i
edt o
myself
,Idi
dn’
tgetawi nkofsleept hatni
ght.

I
nthemor ni
ngKhanyiwasupandsheseemed
r
atherdown,Idi
dn’
tknowifi
twasthesedat
ivet
hat
hadn’ twor nofforifitwast heev entst hatt ookpl ace
theni ghtbef ore, “
mor ningmyangel .
”Sher ubbedher
eyesandl ookedar oundatt heunf ami li
ar
surroundi ngs,shedi dn’ tsayany thing.“ Youneedt o
pee? ”Shenodded, Igotupt ocar ryhert othe
bathr oom andshemov edawayf rom me.Myhear t
stopped, t
hiscantbehappeni ng,“baby ,letmet ake
yout opeepee. ”Shej ustl ookedatmeandt het ear s
threat enedmyey es,Il etoutasi ghandwentt of i
nd
anur se.Thenur secamei ntot heroom andhel ped
hert ot hebat hroom f orabat handt ohel pherwi t
h
thet oilet.Isteppedout si
deandt het ear sjust
streameddownmycheeks, Iwasshaki ng.Why !
!??
Why !
!? ?Ipunchedt hewal landt hesecur itylooked
myway ,Iputmyhandsupandut t
eredanapol ogy .I
dialedAbebi andexpl ai nedtoherwhatwas
happeni ngandshesai dshewasont heway .Abebi
arrivedshor tl
ywi t
hsomechangi ngcl othesf or
Khany iandherf avoritet eddybear .Idi dn’tev en
speakt oher ,shewal kedi ntoKhany i
’sr oom and
Khany iseemedhappyt oseeaf ami l
iarf ace, andI
wasr elieved.ItextedAbebi thatIwasgoi ngt ot he
policest ati
on,Iwentpasst hehouseandev eryone
wassi tt
ingintheloungeapar tf
rom Keenanand
Lakhiwe.Ifoundt hem inKeenan’sroom; Igave
Keenananupdat eandaskedhi mt otakeLakhiweto
theoldhouse.Iwentupst air
stoshowerandchange,
onmywayoutIwentpasst hepant
rytogetThando
someci garett
esandwhenIcameoutIf oundKali
sa
standinginthekitchen.Ididn’
tsayanythingtoher
andwal kedout ,
“Khenany oucannotgr eetyourown
mot her?”
Me: Youbroughtthedevil
int
omyhousewhot r
iedto
rapemydaught erandnowmywi f
ei sbehindbars.
Mot heruh?IfIf
indoutthi
swaspartofyourdevious
plantogetridofmywi f
eorgetr
evengef or
Khensani y
ouwi l
lbesorry
.
Her:
Whatyou’
regoi
ngt
oki
l
lmeKhenan?I
’
m not
af
rai
dofyou.
Me:Youmightnotbescar
edofme,
buty
ousur
eas
hel
lshoul
dbeofThando.
Her
:Khenan,
I’
myourmot
hergoddammi
t!
!!
Me:
Was…
Ileftherint heki tchen; Ididn’tgi v eaf uckabouther
ri
ghtnow.Iwentt ot hepol icest ationandt he
capt ai
nhadl eftinst ructiont hatIcoul dseeThando
foranhourwhenIcamei nt hemor ning.Wewer e
takent oar oom andhercuf fswer et akenof f
,I
grabbedherandhuggedhert i
ght l
y.Ipul l
edaway
andl ookedather ,“howar ey ouf eeli
ng? ”shedi dn’t
respondt omyquest ion,“arey ouokmyl ove? ”she
noddedandsatdown.Ihandedhert heboxof
cigarettesandshesmokedone, Isatt her ejust
l
ooki ngatherandwedi dn’tspeak.Shepul ledout
anot hercigaretteandl i
tit,“Khany iisfri
ght enedof
me, andshewon’ tletmet ouchher .”Thando
clenchedherj awbutst i
llr
emai nedsi l
ent,okIdi dn’
t
knowwhatt odoorsay .Il
etoutasi gh, “yourbail
hear i
ngwi llbet omor rowandJameswi ll j
ustletme
knowoft het imel atert oday .”Shedi dn’tspeak.Isat
theref orther estoft hehourj ustpl ay i
ngwi thher
fi
nger sunt i
lthepol iceof ficercamei ntot ellusour
ti
mei sup.Shest oodupandIhuggedheragai nand
kissedherf or eheadbef oreshewascuf fedand
escor tedoutoft her oom.Iheadedt oJameshouse
j
ustt oaddpr essur e,onmywayIr ecei vedacal l
f
rom Zenon,
“heyZee.
”
Zee:
Hey
??Mydaught
eri
sinpr
isonandy
ousayhey
?
Hi
m:Howdoy
-
Zee:
It’
sal
lov
ert
hef
ucki
ngnews!
!

Myphonebeepedandi
twasJames,
“li
stenZee,
I’
ll
t
alkt
oyoulater
.”
Icutt
hecal
lwi
thZenonandanswer
edJames.

Me:
Tal
ktome.
James:I
t’
sallovert
henews;Ineedyoutomake
sur
ethatyourfamil
ydoesnottal
ktothepr
ess.
Me:
Goti
t.Whataboutt
hecops?
Hi
m: Theywi
llmakeastatement
,butwewon’
t
r
espondunti
lthebai
lhear
ing.
Me:
Goti
t,wasonmywayt
oyour
ightnow.
Him:I
’
m headi
ngoutt
oJudgeCar
ter
,soIwon’
tbe
home.
Me:
Keepmeupdat
ed.

Thenextmor ningIhadn’ thear df r

om James, Igot
dressedandwentt ocheckonKhany i
inthehospi t
al
andIdi dn’tt alkt oherbutAbebi gav emeanupdat e
ofherPsy chol ogyev aluati
on, andt hedocwant edto
usehy pnot ism, shef eltthatKhany iwast r
aumat i
zed
andt hi
scoul ddamageheri nthef uture.Itol
dhert o
wait,Iwant edt odi scusst hiswi thThandof i
rst.I
headedt ot heMagi stratesCour twher eImetJames
ont hestepsandwewal kedi n.heshooksome
woman’ shandandwhenwewer eseatedhet oldme
thatwast hepr osecut oronThando’ scase.Hewas
happyt hati twasawomanandshewoul dpr obably
sympat hizewi thThando.Wel istenedt oother
hearingsandt hemagi stratewast ough, wheni twas
ourt ur
nt heybr oughtThandoi n.shewasi nhand
cuffsandj ail‘
at ti
re’

Jameswal
kedupandtheyst
art
edspeaki
ngt
othe
j
udgeandhewaspl
eadingwhysheshoul
dbe
rel
easedonbai l
.Allt
histi
meThandodi dn’tlookup,
herfacewasemot ionl
essandshedi dn’
tev enlook
scaredwhichscaredtheshi toutofme.Iwassol ost
i
nmyt hought
swhenIhear dthemagi st
ratebr i
ng
downt hegravelaf
tersaying“baildeni
ed.”Thepol i
ce
tookThandoandwal kedheroutoft hecourtroom
andJamescamet owar dsme, “whatthefuckj ust
happened?”
Hi
m:Theydeni
edherbai
l
...
Me:
Why
?
Hi
m:Fl
i
ghtr
isk,
we’
rey
ounotl
i
steni
ng.
Me:Icoul
dn’
tli
stenwi
thmywi
fei
ncuf
fsl
ooki
ngl
i
ke
deat
h.
Hi
m: Wecanappeal
,butIhav
etospeakt
othe
pr
osecut
ionf
ir
st.
Me:
Andsaywhat
?
Hi
m:I
’
llt
ryconv
inci
ngt
hem t
hatshewi
l
lnotr
un.
Me:Shehasbusi
nessesal
lov
ert
hecount
rywhy
woul
dsherun?
Hi
m:May
bebecauseshehasal
lthemoneyi
nthe
wor
ld.
Me:
What
?
Him:Youtr
ansfer
redal
lthatcash,
sheissetf
orl
i
fe.
Thandodoesn’
tneedtoworkadayi nherl
i
fe!
Me:
Shi
t!
Him:plusev
enifwedidn’
ttr
ansf
eral
lthoseasset
s
nothi
ngwouldchange.
Me:
Whyi
sthat
?
Him:Real
ly?Becauseherhusbandisr
ichand
powerf
ul,shest
il
lwouldn’
tneedtoworkadayinher
l
if
ewithoutthemoneyandasset sy
ousenther.
Me:May
beIneedt
ouset
hosepower
stogether
out
…
Hi
m:Noty
et,
it’
sst
il
ltooear
ly.
Me:
Ican’
tletherst
ayt
her
eanyl
onger
.
Hi
m:Hav
eIev
erf
ail
edy
ou?
Me:
No.
Hi
m:Sowhywoul
dIst
artnow?
Iletoutasi ghbecauseev er
ythinghewassay ing
wast rue…ift her
ewasoneper sonwhocoul dfixthi
s
i
twashi m.Wepar tedway sandhewoul dmeetup
withmel aterwhenwegoseeThando.Idr ovehome
defeatedonl ytof i
ndmysonsi tti
ngont hecouch
alonewat chingcar toons.Igotabeerf r
om thefri
dge
andf l
oppednextt ohi m, “
heybuddy .”Isai
drubbing
hishead, helookedsad, “
hey,i
t’sgoingtobeokay .
Alri
ght?”Henoddedhi shead,“Isawt henews.”Oh
gosh,thisthingwasf ucki
ngupmywhol efamil
y ,
“whatar etheysay ing? ”Idon’
tknowwhyIasked
suchaquest ion,Ialreadyknewt heanswer.
Lakhiwe:Theyaresayi
ngMommymur deredher
uncleaft
erabadf amil
ymeet i
ng.Gr
annywentonTV
tosaythatshewasnotst abl
eandshecoul dn’
t
handlebeingamot her
.Thenshesaidwhen
grandpapaBartdidn’
tapprov
eofthemarriageshe
kil
ledhi
m.
Me:
GrandmaKsai
dthat
?
Hi
m:Yeah,
Irecor
dedi
t.
Me:
Letmesee.

Hegav emet her emoteandwal kedof f

,“Ican’t
watchitagain.Peace.”Iplayedthenewsf eedand
hewasr ight
,thepolicealsomadeast atement
sayingthatt
heygotacal lf
rom oneoft hefamily
member sandl uckil
ytheyhadmeni ntheareawho
rushedtothescene.Capt ainVanWy kment i
oned
thatthebodyandt heaccusedwer ef oundinthe6
yearold’
sbedr oom.Theysuspectt hathewast r
ying
torapethechild,buttheyaresti
lli
nvestigat
ing.

Iswitcheditoff,
andIletoutasigh.Ileftmy
unopenedbeerandwentt omyst udy,Isati
nmy
chairwithabottleofcognacanddr ankfrom t
he
bottl
emyphonewasbuzzi ngnonstopandI
switcheditoffandmyphoner ang,thelandli
neint
he
study,“hel
lo.
”
Dumi
sani
:I’
m att
hegat
epl
easeopen.
Me:
I’
m att
heol
dhouse.
Hi
m:Iknow.

Iwentdownst ai
rsst i
llholdingt hebot t
leandI
openedupf orhim.Iwai t
edf orhi m bythedoor ,and
4car sdroveinandIwasnotr eadyf orthis.Ist
ood
atthedoorscr atchi ngmyheadasev eryonepar ked
theircarsinthey ardandst ar t
edcomi ngoutoneby
one.Thando’ smom st ormedt owardsmel ooking
angr yandIthoughtshewasgoi ngtopuncht heshit
outofmebuti nst eadshegr abbedt hebot t
lefr
om
myhandandt hrewi tintothef ountain.Shewal ked
swiftlybacktowar dsmeandt hatwaswhenshe
slappedme, “
hay imanKhenan, ucing’bakusela
kuzosi zantoni?Umf aziwakhousej elekephawena
bonaukut hiusele, hay isanaakusebenzi
ngalohlobo.”Istoodt hereshocked; Ilovedthis
womansomuch.
Me:
I’
m sor
rymama.
Her
:Don’
tbesor
ry;
gety
ourwi
feoutoft
her
e!

Dumi
sani
stoodbehi
ndhi
swi
fewi
thasmi
rkonhi
s
face,thi
swasser iousandhewasf indingt his
amusi ng,“mxelelebaby .”Headded, “
hay ikewena
suphapha. ”Hequi cklyshutupandwal kedi nsi
de
afterhiswifeapologizing, Zenonwal kedt owardsme
andpat tedmyshoul derbef orewal kingi n,nextwas
Phumeandt henMduandMbal i.Iclosedt hedoor
andf oll
owedt hem intot hel ounge, “bef oreweev en
starttal
kinglet’
spr ay.”Nanast oodupandputout
herhands, everyonedi dthesamet hingandwehel d
handswhi l
eshesai dapr ayer.At earescapedher
eyeandshequi cklywi pedi taftersay i
ngamen.
Thandowasst r
ongl i
kehermot herandt hat’swhenI
knewshewoul dgett hrought his.

TheyaskedmeaboutherbecauseIwast heonl
y
personallowedtoseeherbesi
desherat tor
ney,
Itol
d
them everyt
hingt
hathappenedfrom theKali
sa
threat
eningherti
ll
today’
sbailhear
ing.Zenonwas
furi
ous,“Idealwi
ththebi
tch.
”
Me:
Nope,
nobodydeal
swi
thKal
i
sa.
Zee:
Wear
esupposedt
oletherj
ustwal
kaf
tert
his?
Me:
Zenonno.

MbaliandPhumej
ustl
ookedatuswei
rd;
theydi
dn’
t
under
standhowwedo.
Nana:
Howi
sKhany
i?
Me:Notgood, shewon’tletmetouchher
,thedoct
or
wantstohypnotizeherbutIwanttoaskThandofi
rst
.
Butevensheisn’ttal
ki
ngt ome.
Nana:
Shewi
l
lcomear
ound.
Dumi
:Sowhati
sthepl
annow?
Me:Jamesistal
ki
ngtotheprosecut
iont
oletherout
onbail
,he’
shopi
ngforhousearr
est.
Nana:
Ist
hisJamesanygood?
Zee:
Yeah,
I’
m her
ear
en’
tI?

Nanagav ehi
mt heeyeandhekeptquiet
,Phume
start
ed,“
atmyfirm whenwehadacasesi mil
arto
thiswehadaprotest.Thewomanofthecommuni ty
gottoget
herandtheymar chedt
othecourthouse
wi
ththei
rboar
dstofi
ghtagai
nstt
heabuse.Thando
i
swellknownwecoul
dgetalotofpeopl
einvol
vedi
n
t
his…”
Me:andthenthecopscomewithteargasand
r
ubberbull
ets?Wecaughtr
iskl
i
v es.
Phume:
Wedoi tt
helegalway,
andwearewoman
sowecanhav
easi l
entandpeacef
ulpr
otest
.
Mbal
i:Thatcoul
dwor
kact
ual
l
y;It
hinki
t’
sagr
eat
i
dea.
Me:Arewenotget t
ingaheadofour
sel
veshere?It
’s
notevent
het r
ial
yet;we’
resti
l
lgoi
ngtoappealfor
hertobegrant
edbai l
.
Nana:
andi
fiti
sdeni
edagai
n?
Mbal
i
: I
t’
sbett
ernow,sot
hatwhenwegett
othet
ri
al
t
hentheseedispl
ant
ed.
Me:
Idon’
tknowguy
s.

I
twasagoodi deabutIj
ustdi
dn’
twantt
orisk
Thandoher
e,andthi
sfel
tli
keIwasdoi
ngjustthat
.
Wewer ei
nter
rupt
edbymyphoneandItookthecall
outsi
deandi
twasJames,
thepr
osecut
ionwasn’
t
budging.

*
*Meanwhi
l
e

Tana:
Babe,
geti
nher
e!!

Gordonhatedwhenhiswifeshout
swhenhei si
nthe
nextroom,hest
rol
ledint
othelounge.“Hur
rywi
l
l
you?”sheshout
edagain,“
whatisitbabe?”
Tana:
Isn’
tthatt
hegi
rl
?Li
key
ourgi
rl
?
Gor
don:
You’
remygi
rl
.
Tana:
I’
m ser
ious,
theSout
hAf
ri
canchef
?

Gordonnowpaidatt
enti
onandsatnextt
ohi
swi
fe,
“y
eah,whatshedone?”
Tana:
sheki
l
ledaman.
Gor
don:
Fuckme,
youcan’
tbeser
ious.
Hegotupf rom hi
sseatpissedashellandst
arted
sweari
ngandpaci ngtheroom,“babywill
youl
isten?
”
hetur
nedt olookashiswifewit
hanangr y
expr
ession,fr
owning,
“ wr
inkl
es.
”Shejokedwithhim.
Hesti
lldidn’
tsmil
e.
Tana:t
heguysheki
l
ledwast
ryi
ngt
orapeher
daught
er.
Gor
don:
Shedoesn’
thav
eanychi
l
dren
Tana:
herhusband’
sdaught
er…f
ocusbabe.
Gor
don:
Fucki
nghel
l
!!
Hel etoutasigh,hewaswor ri
edaboutt hei
rworking
rel
ationshipandnothi
ngmor e,“Ithinkweshoul d
helpher .
”Gordonrai
sedonebr owathi swif
e,“sui
t
yourself,
Iwill
helpher
.”Shegotupandwal kedaway
l
eav ingherhusbandstandi
ngint hemi ddleofthe
l
ounge, thenthesmokesensor sst art
edbeepingand
hequi ckl
yrantothekit
chen.

*
*El
sewher
e
Guy
:Yobossy
ouseet
his?
Boss:
Yeahy
oui
diot
,yout
hinkI
’
mjustsi
tt
ingher
e.
Guy:Yout
hinkweshoul
djustpopherwhi
l
eshei
sin
pr
ison?
Boss:
NoIwantheral
i
ve.Cal
lKr
uger
.
Guy
:Butboss…
Boss:Exact
ly,
I’
mtheboss!NowgetKr
ugeront
he
l
ineforme.

Theguymumbl edashet ookouthisphoneand

di
aledKruger
,“yeah,
bosswant st
ot al
ktoyouhol
d”
hehandedthephonet ohisboss.
Boss:
Wher
ear
eyou?
Kr
uger
:Ni
ger
ia.
Boss:
Ineedy
oui
nSout
hAf
ri
caasi
nyest
erday
.
Kr
uger
:I’
m onaj
ob.
Boss:I
’
lldoubl
ewhatt
heyar
epay
ingand10m f
or
thi
sjob
Kr
uger
:I’
mli
steni
ng…
[
11/
23,
17:
27]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode98

*
***
***
***
***
**Thando*
***
***
***
***
**

Iwast akenbacktomycell
thatIsharedwitht wo
otherwomen, weweren’
tmovedy etwewer est i
l
lin
thesamest at
ion.Wit
hmybaildenied,Idi
dn’tknow
howl ongIwasgoingtobehereforbecauset hetri
al
mighttakeforever
.
Igotinandtheyt ookthecuf fsoffandIl ayont he
bedfaceup,“heycol oredgirl
,richboyfri
endcoul dn’
t
getyouout?”Ididn’tanswerherIj ustclosedmy
eyesandfacedt hewal l,
“I’
mt alki
ngtoy oubi tch.”I
countedto10andcal medmy selfdown, Ihear dher
foot
stepscomi ngtowar dsmeandIdi dn’tmov ean
i
nchandcont roll
edmybr eathing.Ihadsomuch
angersomuchr agethatIdidn’ twanttot al
kt oher
becauseIknewI ’dkil
lher.It
’slikeshewasi nmy
headbecauseshest oppedinhert racks,thenIhear d
someonecalloutmyname, “Mr s.DeCost a,your
l
awy erisher et oseey ou.”That ’swhenIr ealizedshe
stoppedonl ybecausesomeonewascomi ng, she
whi spered, “I
’m notdonewi thy ou, ”whenIwal ked
pasther .Idi dn’tentertainher ,Idi dn’tfli
nchIj ust
wal kedt otheof f
icerwhoputmebacki ncuf fsand
l
edmet oar oom.Whenheopenedi tIfoundKhenan
andJamest here,hesai dmyl awy er ,whatwas
Khenandoi ngher e?Iwal kedi nandKhenanki ssed
myf oreheadandhehuggedmesot ightIcoul df eel
hishear tbeat .Isatdownandhesl idmeacar t onof
cigar et
tesandmat ches, Ididn’tlookathi m Ij ustlita
cigar et
tewhi leJameswast ell
ingmeshi tIdidn’ t
wantt oknowabout ,Iwasj ustuni nterested, andI
i
nt erruptedhi m.“ How’ smydaught er?”Khenan
smi ledwhenhehear dmet alk,“shehat esmeand
won’ tletmet ouchher .Theywantt oer aset he
event swi t
hhy pnosis, butIt houg- ”Idi dn’tlethi m
fi
nisht hesent ence, “
no! ”hel ookedatmeconf used,
“butbaby ,shewi llforgett heev ent soft hatnightand
growupl i
keanor mal child.
”Idi dn’ tanswerhi m; I
satbacki nmychai randf ol
dedmyar ms.
Khenan:
Babyy
ouneedt
otal
ktome;
Ican’
ttaket
his
shitanymore.Iam t
ryi
ngherebuty ou’
renotgi
vi
ng
meany t
hingtoworkwit
hThando.I’mt r
yingt
osolv
e
thisprobl
em andgetyouhome, Ihavealotonmy
plateri
ghtnow,pl
easedon’taddtoi t
.

Isti
lldidn’
tsayanything;Iwasn’ tbeingspit
efulor
anything.Iwasjustangr ytoapoi ntthatIwas
scaredt ospeakoract ;Iwouldjustdomor edamage
thangood.Sokeepi ngquietwast hebestopt i
onfor
meatt hi
sstage,andIdi djustthatinfur
iat
edKhenan
andhebangedont hetable,“Thandosaysomet hi
ng,
God!!”Jamescal medhi m downandhel ef
ttheroom
forabi tandJameswast al
kingandIr eall
ywasn’t
ther
e, “Thandodoy ouhearme? ”
Me:Wil
lIbeablet
owor
kfr
om i
nsi
dewhi
l
eser
ving
mysentence?
James:
Thando,
youar
en’
tst
ayi
ngher
e.
Me:
That
’snotmyquest
ion.
Him:AndI’
m notansweri
ngthatshi
t.List
enyou
needtochangeyourf
uckingatt
it
ude,ther
eareso
manypeopleontheoutsi
dethatarefi
ghtingf
oryou
whi
leyou’r
eherehavingapi
typart
y.Gety
our
f
uckingacttoget
herandappr
eciat
ewhatever
yone
i
sdoingforyou.

Hepackedhi
sst
uffandl
eft
,Iwast
akenbackt
othe
cel
l
.

*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Idrovebackhome,Idi
dn’
thav
eti
meforThandoand
Ireceiv
edacall
,“Kr
uger
?TowhatdoIowethi
s
pleasure?
”
Kr
uger
:Ihav
eaj
ob.
Me:
Alr
ight
.
Kr
uger
:Andy
oudon’
twantt
oknow?
Me:
Wel
lyoucal
l
edt
otel
lme,
so?
Kr
uger
:yourwi
fe.
Me:
What
?Who?
Kr
uger
:YouknowIcan’
ttel
lyout
hat
.
Me:
WHOTHEHELLWANTSMYWI
FEDEAD?
Kr
uger
:Notdeadal
i
ve.
Me:Iwantyout
otakehi
m out
,howmuchi
she
pay
ingyou?
Kr
uger
:15.
Me:
I’
ll
doubl
eit
.Makesur
enobodyget
stoher
.
Kr
uger
:I’
m notababysi
tt
er.
Me:
Tri
ple!
Kr
uger
:50
Me:
Deal
!

Hedr oppedthecall
andIimmedi at
elycal
l
edt
he
gang,weallmetatt hef
arm houseandwentt
othe
boardroom,IfoundKeenanonhislaptop.
Hi
m:Youwoul
dn’
tfucki
ngbel
i
evet
hisshi
t.
Me:
Whati
sit
?
Hi
m:Checkt
his,
Kal
i
sacal
l
edt
hecops.
Me:
Sheal
readyadmi
tt
edt
hat
.
Hi
m: Butshedi
dn’
tcal
lthest
ati
on,shecal
l
edher
f
ri
endsson.Onl
ythendidheputi
tontheradi
o.
Me:Buthowdidsheknowsomet
hingwasgoingto
happen?Shecoul
dn’
thav
epossi
blypr
edi
ctedthi
s.
Hi
m: Wel
ltheyf
oundt
racesofTadal
afi
li
nhi
sbl
ood
st
ream.
Me:
Andt
hati
swhatexact
ly?
Hi
m:Adr
ugt
hatenhancesonesexual
l
y,l
i
keVi
agr
a.
Me:Sohet ookVi
agr
aandt
henwentt
orapemy
daught
er.

Keenanshrugged,“mytheor
yist
hatKal
isagavehi
m
theTadal
afil
,butIdon’
tthi
nkhewassupposedto
rapeKhanyi
.”
Me:
Wai
t,y
out
hinkshewant
edhi
mtor
apemywi
fe?
Hi
m:Yeah.
Me:
Butwhy
?
Him:Ithink…andt hi
sismet hi
nki
ng.Sheknowsthat
Thandowasgoi ngtoreact
.ShewantedThandoto
dosomet hingthatwil
lendherint
roubl
e.Thando
al
way sreacts,
andt hatmakesheraneasytar
get.
Me:
Fuck,
howcanKal
i
sabesoev
il
?
Hi
m:Don’
taskme,
she’
syourmot
her
.

Ther estofthecr ewwal kedin,andItoldthem about

Kruger.Itwasdi ffi
cul
tthingwast hatshehadn’t
beenmov edtot heprisonshewasst i
l
latthepolice
stati
on,sopr otecti
onwasl imitedandIdidn’tt
rust
Kruger,“guysKr ugerwontt el
lmewhohi r
edhim soI
needal lear
sont hegroup,Iwantt oknowwhoi s
thisbravemot herfucker.
”
Everyoneagreedandwespokesomebusi nessand
thenIheadedt othehospi
tal,
Khany i
wasgoi ngtobe
dischargedtodayandhertherapi
stwant edmet obe
i
nt hesession.Bytheendofthesessionshewas
start
ingtowar m uptomeagai nandIwassohappy .
Istil
ldi
dn’twanttotouchhersoIcarriedherstuff
andwewal kedtoget
hertomycar ,Abebi f
oll
owed
behi
ndandrodewit
hus.Khany
isl
eptwi
thAbebi
for
theweekandsheseemedtobeget
ti
ngbet
ter
.

Ont heotherhandMbal iandPhumewer eona

mi ssion,theyhadt wopr otest salreadyandt hey
wer eget ti
ngt hepubl i
ci t
yt heywant ed.Thesegi r
ls
arecr azybutIl ov
edi t,thiswasl ikewhenOscar
kil
ledReev a.Andt hist opicwentv ir
al i
fImustsay ,
I
meanTVshowsandr adioi nterviews; itwasahot
topi candt hepubl i
cwasdi ssect ingthesi tuati
on.
Someoft hem hadr eallyfunnyt heories,what
sur pri
sedmet hemostwast hatTanaupl oadeda
videoshowi nghersuppor tt oo.Thatr eallytookme
bysur pr
ise,thiswasj ustcr azy .Woman’ srightsand
children’srightswer et ackled, selfdef enseandal l
possi bledef ensesther ewer e.

Thandohadnowspentat ot
alof12daysbehi
nd
barsandtomorr
owwast hefir
stdayoft
hetri
al.I
packedherout
fi
tfort
omor r
owandsaidaprayer
befor
egetti
ngi
ntobed.Jamessaidwehadagood
case,fr
om theev idencethathadbeengat her edby
bodyhisinvesti
gat orandthepol i
ce.Iwokeupear ly
andgotr eadyandwentt othestati
on,theyt ol
dme
thatshewasbat hingsoIgav ethem herclothesand
Iwaitedforher.Shecamei ntotheroom andI
huggedher ,t
histimeshehuggedmebackand
whispered,“I
’
m scar ed.
”Iheldhert i
ghterkissingt
he
topofherhead, “don’tworry,youaregoingt obe
homev erysoon.”Shedi dn’tsayanythi
ng.

AsIdroveupt othecour thousethestair

swer e
fl
oodedwithwomancar rying‘
freeThando’ banner
s,
andofcourset hepresswast heretoo.Thiswas
i
ndeedhuge; Iwasst oppedbyonenewspr esenter
s,
“Mr.DeCosta,Bigday.”
Me:
Yesi
ndeed,
butwe’
reposi
ti
ve.
Her
:Hav
eyouseeny
ourwi
fet
oday
?
Me:
Yes,
I’
m act
ual
l
ycomi
ngf
rom t
her
enow.
Her
:Andhowi
sshedoi
ng?
Me:
Str
ongert
hanev
er.(
Ili
edbecauseshewas
shit
ti
ngherpant sandsowasI )I
’mv er
ypr oudof
howmywi feishandli
ngthis.Nomot hershouldhave
towitnesswhatshedi d.AndIthinkveryfewwomen
wouldbeabl etohandleitl
ikeshehas.Ihopeand
praythejusti
cesystem canmaket herightdeci
sion,
becauseourchildr
enneedt heirmother.
Her
:Speaki
ngofmot
her
s,wher
eisy
ourexwi
fe?
Me:
Dineo,
todayi
snott
heday
.Ihav
etor
un.

Ilefthert hereandwal kedupt hestairs,these

reportersar ejustf ullofshitr eall
y.Mxm Iqui cklygot
thatoutofmymi ndandwenti nsidefeeling
conf i
dent ,Isatbehi ndJames.Dumi andZenonwer e
alreadyther e,butZenonl ookedwei r
d.It hinkhewas
tryi
ngt ohi dehimsel f
, wasn’tr eal
lysure.The
proceedi ngsst artedandJameswassl ayingt he
prosecut or,IlookedatThandosi tti
ngt hereandshe
wasj ustl ookingatherhands.Ihat edhowbor ing
Sout hAf ri
cancour twascompar edtoTVwher e
objectionsar et hr
ownl ef
t,ri
ghtandcent er .Themag
gav eusa30mi nuter ecess; Iwentout si
deand
boughtawor sr ollfrom thef oodt ruckt hatwas
parkedout side.Thi sguywast akingadv antageof
thecr owdt hathadgat heredout side.Ihada
cigarett
ebef or eheadi ngbacki n,Isatdownj ustas
theywer ebr ingingThandobacki nt henweal lrose
fortheMagi strate.3hour sl atershecal leditaday
andshesai dshehashear denoughandshewi l
l
comebackt omor rowwi t
ht hev erdict.Shecal l
edt he
attor
ney sintoherchamber sandt henweal ll
eft,
I
drovest r
aightt ot hest at
ionandwai tedf orThando.
Theybr oughtheri nandshesati nf rontofmeandl i
t
hercigarette, “
sowhatdoy out hink? ”Iaskedher
withasmi leonmyf ace.
Her
:Idon’
tknowKhenan,
let
’snotgetaheadof
our
sel
veshere.
Me:Iam feeli
ngconfi
dent
,howcoul dshesayshe
hashearditalli
noneday?Li
keImeansheknew
ever
ythi
ngbef or
ethecasestar
ted.Ithi
nkthi
swas
j
ustforthepubli
c.
Her
:Khenanpl
ease.
Me:
Tomor
rowy
ou’
regoi
ngt
obesl
eepi
ngi
nmy
ar
ms.

Iwasbeyondexcit
edandIcoul
dseethatshest
il
l
wasn’
ttoosure,
myphoneranganditwasJames,
“t
alkt
ome. ”
Hi
m:It
hinkwehav
ethi
sonebuddy
.
Me:
Why
?
Him:Shecall
edusinchamber
stoshowhertherest
ofourevi
denceandthepr
osecut
ion’
sev
idencei
s
tooweak.
Me:
Sowe’
regood?
Hi
m:don’
ttel
lThandobecausetheMagisstil
lgoi
ng
ov
ert
heevidencetoni
ght
,anyt
hingcanchange.
Me:
Alr
ightt
hanky
ouf
ri
end.
Hi
m:Any
time.

Shewasl ookingatme, “
and? ”IknowJamessai
dI
mustn’tt
ellherbutIcan’tkeepthisi
nsi
deI
’mtoo
exci
ted.Iwasaboutt otellherwhenwewere
i
nter
rupt
edbyt
hepol
i
ceof
fi
cer
,“y
ou’
rewant
edback
i
ncourt.
”
Me:
What
?It
’st
oosoon.
Hi
m:Justdoi
ngmyj
ob.

Iwaspanicki
ngandIhuggedmywifeandt
heytook
herawayandIdial
edJames,“
yeah,
Iknow…I’
m on
myway .
”
Me:
I’
ll
seey
out
her
e.
IsentDumi saniandZenonmessages,andIspedt o
theCour thouse.I
twasaf t
er4pm nowandt he
crowdhadgonehome.Thecour tr
oom wasempt y;i
t
wasj ustthesheri
ff
’soffi
cer
,themagi
strat
e’scler
k,
prosecutor,James,ThandoandI.
Themagi st
ratestart
edspeakingandIwasf ocused
onThando, tear
swer estr
eamingdownherey es,“….
Findtheaccusednotguilty
.”Thandolookedupat
themagistratet
henatJamest henbackatthe
magistr
ate.Shef el
ltot
hef l
oorandallIcoul
dhear
werehersobsbutIcoul dn’
tseeher.Themagi st
rate
wasst i
l
l tal
ki
ngandIwasnothear ingawor dshe
wassay ing.Al
lIcoul
dt hi
nkofwashol di
ngmywi f
e,
andt akingherhome.If el
tmyey esfil
l upandaf ew
tearsescaped, Thandowasbackonherf eetbythe
ti
met hemagi st
ratewasdonegi vi
nghersent ence,
whi chwas6mont hscommuni tyserviceatan
orphan.Iwoul dtakethatanydayov erhav i
ngherin
prison.

Iwaitedf orhertobepr ocessedoutoft hesy stem

andweheadedhome.Thet ri
pwasr atherqui etandI
didn’tblameThandof ornotwant i
ngt ot al
kaf terthe
exper i
enceshej usthad.Thehousewasempt ywhen
wegothomeandIr anThandoabat handIst ar ted
onsupper .Keenanhadt akent hechildrenf ora
mov iejustt ogett heirmi ndof fwhatwashappeni ng
andt heywoul dbehomei nanhour .Imadeacr eamy
chickenpast a;Iputev erythingonat raywi thabot tl
e
ofwi neandt ooki tupstairsf ormylady .Shewason
thebedi nmyboxer sandv est,j
ustsmi l
ed.Iwasso
happyt ohav eherher e;Igav eherthet r
ayoff ood
andsatj ustlookingather ,“wherearemybabi es? ”
Me:
Youknowt
heyar
emi
net
oor
ight
?
Her
:Thi
sisn’
tabouty
ou.
Me:Haha…t
heyar
eatt
hemov
ieswi
thKeenanand
Abebi
.
Her
:WhenIwasawayIdi
dal
otoft
hinki
ng.
Me:
Uhm…okand?
Her:
Iwantt
oli
keadoptthechi
l
dren,
wellIdon’t
knowwhatt
heprocessi
s.WhatIwanti
fforthem t
o
beminel
egal
ly
.
Me:
Butbabyt
heyar
eyour
s,we’
remar
ri
ed.
Her:Khenanthatdoesn’tmeanany t
hing,
somethi
ng
couldhappentoyouandy ourfami
lywouldcome
hereandtakethem away .Ineedpeoplet
oknowthe
chi
ldrenarel
egall
ymi netoo.

Il
etoutasigh,Iwashappyt hatshelovesmy
chi
ldr
enasherown, “I
’l
ltalktoJames.”Asmi le
cameov erherf
aceandIl eanedintokissher.That
waswhent hedooropenedandherchi ldrenwalked
i
nandt heyrantoherandj umpedalloverher
.
Lakhiwet r
iedtoplayitcool butyoucouldseet he
excit
ementonhi sface,Isuddenlyfel
toutofplace
whent heysaidtheyar esleepinginbedwithher .
Thatobv i
ouslymeantIhadt of i
ndanotherroom to
sleepin,It
ookt hedirt
ydishesdownst air
sand
l
oadedt hewasher .IfoundKeenani nthekitchen,
“andthen?”
Hi
m:Andt
henwhat
?
Me:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Hi
m:Wor
king.

Irol
l
edmyey es,“
ok,
it’
sAbebi
.”Isignal
edf
orhi
mto
conti
nue,
“She’
smadandsheki ckedmeoutoft
he
bedroom.
”
Me:
Whatdi
dyoudo?
Him:BroIdon’
tevenknow.Wewer egoingt
ot akea
showerandIaskedhertoshaket
hatfatassforme
andshelosti
t.
Me: Howy ougoi
ngtotel
lhershef
atandt
hen
expecthertobefi
ne?
Hi
m:Dudewejokeabouti
tal
lthet
ime,
sheknowsI
l
ovet
hatf
atass.
Me:Ican’
thelpyout
here;
Idon’
tev
enknowhert
hat
wel
ltogiv
ey ouadvi
ce.
Hi
m:Iguessi
tisspar
ebedr
oom f
ormet
oni
ght
.
Me:
Thatmakesy
ouandmebot
h.
Hi
m:Why
?It
’sThando’
sfi
rstni
ghtbacki
nweeks.
Me:
Yourni
eceandnephew.

Hel aughedandIt hrewt heki t

chenspongeathi m.
Wehadbeeri nthel oungewat chingasoccergame
andt henev entual
lyr eti
redtoourbedr oomsforthe
night.Ilayinbedchecki ngmyment al todoli
st,
Thandoi sout,check; Cedellaconf essedour
suspicions,check; Kruger …wel ltherewast he
Krugeri ssueandIst i
lldidn’
tknowwhohewas
wor ki
ngf or.Ihadpai dhi m hisshar ebecausemy
wifewassaf e,butIst i
llneededt oknowwhowant ed
herandf orwhatreason.Idi dn’tcontinuewithmy
l
istIponder edont hatt opic.
Iwasdosi ngoffwhenIhear dthedooropenandmy
beauti
fulwifewalkedin,“
heybaby .
”Shewhi sper
ed,
“Whyar eyousneakingaroundt hehouse?”I
whisperedback,“yourdaughterwouldn’
tevenletme
gotothet oi
let
.”
Me:
Whyar
ewewhi
sper
ing?
Shelaughedoutloudandcrawledi
ntobedandput
herheadonmychest ,“howareyoubaby?
”shelet
outasigh,“
I’
m good.”
Me:
It’
sme,
tal
ktome.
Her:
BabyI ’
vebeent hroughworse,Iwasshot
,Iki
l
led
amanatgunpoi nt
, Ihadmyf at
her
’swifet
rytoki
l
l
me…t heli
stisendless.Kil
l
ingarapisti
sn’
tso
t
raumatizi
ng.
Me:
Arey
ousur
eweshoul
dn’
tbookasessi
onwi
t-
Her
:I’
mfi
ne,
andIt
hinksoi
sKhany
i.
Me:
Didy
ouspeakt
oher
?
Her
:Br
ief
ly,
butwi
l
ltakehert
ohernextappoi
ntment
.
Me:
Thanky
ou.
Her
:Not
hanky
ou.
Mewhatf
or?

Shecl i
mbedont opofme, “ f
orbeingsosupporti
ng,
andforbeinginmycor ner.Forgetti
ngmeoutof
pri
son.”Shedidn’tgi
vemeachancet oanswer
beforeshekissedmyl i
psandsuckedonherneck.I
putmyhandsonherass, shet ookthem awayand
putthem abovemyheadandst ar
tedkissi
ngherway
downmybody .Shemadel ovetomeal lmorni
ng
l
ong, Imeansheshowedmef l
ames.Shewasi n
controlanddoingallt
hewor k,mymi ndwasblown
awayandwef ell
asleep.

*
*Unedi
ted*
*
[
11/
23,
17:
27]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode99

Thenextmor
ningIwasupat8h20,thehousewas
qui
etandIj
ustletThandosl
eep.Af
teral
lshehad
beenthroughsheneededt her est.Itookashower
andatethebr eakfastt hatwasl eftformeandIat e
Thando’sbreakfastt oo.Iwassi tti
ngont hecouch
whenshewal kedi nwear i
ngjustar obeandmessy
hai
r;shekissedmeandwal kedt othekitchen.Iran
aft
erher,Iknewshewashungr yandIcoul dn’
ttell
herIateherbr eakfast,“morningbaby .”
Her
:Hey
.
Me:
Youhungr
y?
Her
:Yeah,
theydi
dn’
tleav
ebr
eakf
astf
orus?
Me:Itol
dt hem nott
obecauseIwantust
ogoout
f
orbreakfast.

Theexpressiononherfacechanged,“It
’stoosoon
baby
.I’m notreadytobeoutsideyet
.”Il
etoutasi gh
andgaveherahug, “
babyyouneedtogooutt her
e
andtel
lthem yoursideoft
hest or
y.You’reoutnow
baby
, t
hereisnothingtoworryabout
.”
Sheshruggedandshegotmuesliandyoghurtand
ate.Ij
ustwatchedhereatandwedidn’
tspeakmuch.
.
.
.
.
Thandowasactuall
yenj
oyi
nghercommunit
yser
vice
becausei
tinv
olvedherwor
kingwi
thchi
l
drenand
cooki
ng.
Thenextt hreemonthsflewbyandThandowas
receivi
ngalotofpublici
tyanditwaswor ki
ngwellf
or
herandGor donbecauset hei
rrat
ingswer e
skyrocketi
ng!Wemov edbacktothegl asshouse
andmov edKhanyi’
sroom tooneoft heot herr
ooms.
Shehadgot t enov
erthewholeordeal andour
rel
ationshi
pwasbackt onormal.

*
***
***
***
*Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
**

Iwashal
fwaywithmycommuni tyservi
ceandI
mustsayi
twasfun;Iwasattheorphanagewhen
Mbali
andAbebi
pull
edupt ocomehel p.Il
ovedi
t
whenmyf riendssuppor tedme.Theyhelpedmei n
thekitchenandwheni twasti
mef orustogohome
wedeci dedt oheadoutf oraf
ewdr i
nks.Wechosea
cozyrestaur antbythebeachandsatatt hebackand
weor deredourdr inks,“CanIhaveastrawber
ry
daiqui
r i
please.”IlookedatAbebi,sheisabeer
dri
nkerandt obehav ingpinkdri
nkswasnotlikeher.
Me:
Andt
hen?
Her
:Thebeeri
smaki
ngmef
at.
Me:
Wel
lyouhav
epackedonaf
ew.

Weal
ll
aughed,
“Yousoundl
i
keKeenanr
ightnow.
”
Me:
Why
?
Her
:he’
sbeenonmycase;
Iendedupki
cki
nghi
m
out
.
Mbali
:Wai
t,y
ouki
ckedhi
m outofhi
sbr
other
’s
house?
Shenoddedwithali
tt
leembar
rassmentonherf
ace,
“y
ougogirl
.”Igav
eherahighfi
ve.
Me:Keenansai
dhewasawayonbusi
ness,
wher
eis
hest
aying?
Abebi
:Aty
ourol
dhouse.
Mbal
i
:Anddon’
tyoumi
sst
hatdi
ck?
Abebi:
Ido,buteveryti
meItrygiv
ehim achancehe
j
ustfucksi
tup.Likehe’sannoy
ing,ev
eryt
hingabout
hi
m annoysme; hi
scologne,hi
sshoes…ohwhenhe
snor
tswhenhel aughs.
Me:Il
ovei
twhenhesnort
s,ha…Wait
,you’
re
annoy
edathi
m andnott
hathedoes?

Shenodded,Mbal
iandIlookedateachot
her,
“let
’s
go.
”Ilef
tR200onourtablebefor
eourdri
nkseven
cameandwewentt othecar.
Abebi
:Guy
s?
Me:
You’
repr
egnant
.
Abebi
:No,
can’
tbe.I
’
m ont
hepi
l
l.
Mbal
i
:Thandowasn’
tIont
hepi
l
ltoo?
Me:
Yip.
West oppedatt hepharmacyandgot5cl earbl
ue
pregnancytestsandweheadedbackt othehouse.
Wewal kedinandKeenanwaswi t
hKhenanwat chi
ng
socceranddr i
nkingbeer.Theystoppedlaughing
whenwewal kedin,Keenannervouslyputdownhi s
beerandstoodupandwal kedtowardsus, “hi
.”He
l
ookeddownataner vousAbebi,“
hello.
”
Hi
m:Canwet
alk.

Ijusthadt obeforward,“pleasecanIhav eherf or

10mi nsandt hensheisall yours.”Keenanlookedat
mel i
keIwasal it
tl
ebitchandIj ustpoutedathi m
andwal kedupthestair
s,“mybedr oom ladi
es.”
Mbal ifoll
owedandKeenangr abbedAbebi ,“
Keenan,
I’
llbedowni nabi t
.Pleasedon’ tbesodi ffi
cul
t .
”He
l
etgoofherandshef oll
owedi ntothebedroom and
closedt hedoorbehindherandshecr i
edabi t.I
wal kedupt oher,
“hey,wedon’ tknowwhatt he
resultsareyet…don’tdot his.
”
Her
:Keenanwi
l
lleav
eme,
he’
stooy
oung.
Me:
Thatboyl
ovesy
ou,
hewoul
dnev
erl
eav
eyou.

Shedidn’
tsayany
thi
ng;shehadabott
leofwater
andthenpeedonasti
ck.Posi
ti
ve14-18weeks.
Ismiledandshedidn’t
,“wanttot
ryanot
herone?”
shenoddedandt ookthetestandwentbackinthe
toi
lettopee.Whenshecamebacksamet hi
ng,15
weeks.Thatwasall t
heconfi
rmati
onsheneeded
becauseshejuststart
edcryi
ng,“
howcouldInot
know? ”
Mbali
:That
’snoti
mpor
tant
,youneedt
ospeakt
o
yourman.
Abebi
:Ineedadr
ink,
that
’swhatIneed.
Mbal
i
:Sor
rybaby
,noal
cohol
fory
ou.
Me:
Mustwegi
vey
ouamoment
?

Shenodded,“I
’
llt
ellhi
mt omeety
ouinyourroom i
n
10minutes?How’sthat?
”shesmil
edfai
ntl
yandshe
nodded.Wewalkeddownstai
rswit
hMbaliandwe
satwit
htheguys.Isatonmyman’slapandkissed
hi
m,“
Imi
ssedy
ou.
”
Keenan:
canIt
alkt
omygi
rl
fr
iendnow?
Me:Whyar
eyousoj
eal
ous,
babypl
easet
amey
our
br
other
.
Keenan:Imi
ssmywoman,
thathousei
ssobi
gand
l
onely.
Me:
Meetheri
nthebedr
oom i
n10mi
nut
es.
Keenan:
Whati
sshedoi
ng?
Me:She'
schangi
ngi
ntol
i
nger
ief
ory
out
oshaket
hat
f
atass.
Keenanlookedathisbrot
her
,“r
eall
y?Whydidy ou
havetotel
lher?
”Ilaughedsohard,“
justgot
alkto
yourgi
rl
fri
end.
”

*
***Keenan*
***

IgaveThandothezapbef
oregoi
ngtofindmygi r
l.I
openedthedoorner
vousl
yandfoundhersi
tti
ngon
thebed,shel
ookedupwhenthedooropened,“Hey.
”
Shesaidner
v ousl
y.No…thi
scan’tbet
heendofus,
shewasstil
lmadov eral
itt
lej
oke.Iwal
kedovert
o
herandsatdownwi thmylegscr
ossedli
keher
acrossf
rom her.
Me:
ịhụnany
am what
’swr
ong?
Her
:youknowIl
ovey
our
ight
?
Me:
yes,
andIl
ovey
out
oo…butpl
easef
orgi
-
Her:
wil
lyoujustshutup?IknowI’
vebeendi
ff
icul
t
l
atel
yandit
’snotthatyoudidany
thi
ngwrong,i
t'
sme.
Me:Abebidon’
tgi
vemethi
s‘i
t’
snotyoui
t’
sme
bul
l
shit
’No…wedon’tendl
i
kethis.
Her
:I’
m pr
egnant
.
Myey eswidened…asmi l
ecreptovermyf ace,“st
op,
I’
m beingser
ious”Il
etoutascream,“whoa!”I
grabbedherandpull
edhertowardsmeki ssingher
everywher
eIcould!“
stopKee!I’
m beingserious”
Me:
soam I
,l
et'
sgot
ell
ever
yone!
!
Shegrabbedmyarm bef
oreIcoul
devengetofft
he
bed,“
babydon’
tyouthi
nkweshouldt
alkabout
thi
s?”
Me:
andsaywhat
?
Her
:andsaymydadwi
l
lki
l
lyou.
Me:
hewoul
dn’
tdosuch,
andl
eav
eyouasawi
dow?
Her
:exact
ly,
wear
en’
tev
enmar
ri
edy
et.
Me:
wel
ll
et’
sgetmar
ri
ed…wai
t.
Istoppedi
nmytracksandtouchedherst
omach…I
l
aidherdownandkissedhertummy.“Heydaddy
's
angels.
”
Her
:angel
s.
Me:
yeah…It
hinki
t’
stwi
ns.
Her
:getof
fme,
you’
renott
aki
ngt
hisser
iousl
y.

Igotintopofherandkissedherli
ps, “
baby,Il
ove
yousomuch…t hisi
sthebestthi
ngt ohave
happenedtous.Wegoi ngtohaveourownl i
tt
le
famil
y,I
’m goi
ngt obuyyouabeaut i
fulhousewitha
whitepi
cketfence.Thetwinswil
lplayinthehuge
greenyardandy oudaddygonnaloveme.GoshI ’m
soexcit
ed,weneedt obookadoct or’
sappointment
soon.Whenarey ouf r
ee?Weshoul dgetmar r
ied…
you’
regoi
ngt omakeaper f
ectwi f
eandmot her.But
I’
m notmakingpeanutbut t
erandjell
ysandwichesin
themiddl
eoft henight.Andpleasecravesomething
webothlove…i cecream…y esicecream.”
Iwasrambli
ngonandonandt hengotoffherand
wenttothet
abletogetapaperandpen,“weshoul
d
thi
nkofnames.Niger
ianorJamaican?It
hingwe
cantr
yli
keputthem t
ogether
?Itwill
becoolri
ght
?”
Abebi
:Keenan?
Me:
yes?
Abebj
:cal
m downwi
l
lyou?Onet
hingatat
ime.
I
’mt ooexci
ted,
Isangherov
ermyshoul
derand
headedfort
hedoor.
*
***
*Thando*
***

Mbal
i decidedt
ogohomeandIwal kedherout
,
whenIwal kedbacki nsideKeenanhadAbebiover
hi
sshoulderrunningar oundthehouseshouti
nghe
i
sgoingt obeaf ather.Hewassohappyandheput
herdownonthecouchandhim andhi sbr
other
hugged,
“canyoubeli
evet
hisbro?!”Ismil
edatAbebi
andgavehert
he‘Itol
dyoulook’andshesmi l
ed
backatme,ali
tt
lemoreposit
ivethisti
me.
Keenan:
Weneedt
ocel
ebr
ate.
Khenan:
Wher
ear
ewegoi
ng?

Ipunchedhisshoulder
,“t
heyneedtocelebrat
ethi
s
al
one.Iam suretheyhavealottodi
scuss.”Theyl
eft
usinthelounge;
todol or
dknowswhatint hei
r
bedroom.
Khenanl
ookedatme,“
arey
ouok?”Inoddedand
smil
ed,“
I’
m happyf
ort
hem.”Hesmil
ed,“
what?”
Hi
m:Ihav
esomet
hingf
ory
ou.
Me:
Idon’
tneedany
thi
ngI
’
mfi
ne.
Hi
m:I
’
llber
ightback.

Hegotupanddi
sappear
edintothest
udyandcame
backwi
thanA4envel
ope.Igavehimtheey
eandhe
handedmet
heenv
elope,
“whati
sthi
sK?
”
Hi
m:St
acycamebywhi
l
eyouwer
eatt
heor
phanage.
Me:
What
!Ohmyf
uck…AAAAaaaaahhh…
Hi
m:Don’
tgett
ooexci
ted.
Ipunchedhim, “don’
tplayl
ikethat,I
’
llmurderyou.
”I
openedt heenvelopeandthereitwas,Iwaslegal
guardi
ant oLakhiweandKhany i,“
nowweneedt o
cel
ebrate…waitwher earethekids?”
Khenan:yourmom wantedtotaket
hem tosome
funnyshowcircussomethi
ng;
theyarespendi
ngt
he
weekendthere.
Me:
what
’st
het
ime?
Hi
m:15h40.
Me:
Let
’sgot
oJhb.
Hi
m:What
?
Me:Yeah,
let
’scel
ebr
ate.Wear
eher
eal
one,
we’
l
l
t
akeKeenanandAbebi.
Hi
m:Letmeseei
fwecanf
lyoutt
oni
ght
.
Me:
Yay
!!

Ijumpedont hecouchandthenwenttoknockfor
thecouple,
theytol
dmet ogoaway,“we’
regoingto
Jbgfortheweekend,doyouguyswanttocome? ”
Keenan:
No
Abebi
:Yes.

Ijustlaughed,“Star
tpacking.”Ical
ledMbaliandtol
d
them togetr eadywithouttell
ingKhenanoreven
askingi fwewi l
lbeabletof l
yout.Iwentandpacked
ourbagsandbookedusatoneofhi shot
elsand
tookashower .Iheardtheshowerdooropenand
Khenancamei nalr
eadynaked, andhewashar d
already.Igavehim anaught ysmileandheknew
whatwasgoi ngdown, ourfli
ghtwasal it
tl
elat
er
tonight.Wetookourt imeint hatshower.

*
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
Ont hej
ett
heladiessatawayfrom usdri
nking
champagneandlaughing.Abebikeptst
eali
ngjabsat
herman,whohadt hehugestgri
nonhi sface,
“Keenan…Keenan.”
Hi
m:What
?
Me:Dude,
howmanyt
imesmustIcal
louty
our
name?
Hi
m:Sor
ry.
Me:Youwil
lhavepl
ent
yoft
hatwhenwe’
redone
wi
thbusi
ness.
Hi
m:DoesThandoknowaboutt
hej
o’bur
gdeal
?
Me:
No,
arey
oumad?
Hi
m:Thenwhyar
eweheadi
ngt
her
e?
Me:
Shewant
stocel
ebr
ate.
Him:Shi
tbet
ternotbl
owup,
Idon’
twantmybabyat
r
isk.
Me:Don’
tworr
y,af
tersupperanddri
nkswe’
llt
ake
t
hem homeandthenIwi l
lheadout
.Youwil
lst
ay
wi
ththegi
rl
sandwe’llcommunicat
e.
Hi
m:Ok,
butIhav
eabadf
eel
i
ngaboutt
his.
Me:
YouknowwhatIhav
eabadf
eel
i
ngabout
?
Hi
m:what
?Anddon’
tsaymebei
ngaf
ather
!
Me:Ha…I’
llst
il
ltal
ktoy
ouaboutt
hatone.Kr
ugeri
s
st
il
lbuggi
ngme.
Hi
m: Why?Hetookhi
smoneyandr
anl
i
ket
hebi
tch
ni
ggerheis.
Me:
ButIst
il
lwantt
oknowwhohewaswor
kingf
or.
Hi
m: Rel
ax,
let
’scl
oset
hisdeal
andt
henwewi
l
lfi
nd
hi
m whenwe’r
ebackathome.

ThatwaswhenThandowalkedov
erandsatonmy
l
ap,“Canwegotoyourcl
ubbaby?”
Keenan:
HayiThando,
mybabiesar
e3mont
hsand
youwanttot
akethem toacl
ub.
Abebi
:Whosai
dit
’st
hem?
Ever
yonelaughed,Mbal
iseemedhappywit
hout
havi
ngMduar ound.Hehadabusinessmeeti
ngand
wouldfol
l
owt omorrowmorning.
Wel andedandwer etakent ot he5bedr oom
penthouseinKhenan’ shot el,
wepi ckedourr ooms
andMbal iwasbuzzi ngf r
om t hechampagne.Weal l
changedandwentoutf orsupperandwewentf or
dri
nksaf t
erwards.Abebi wast ir
edandMbal iwas
drunk,Keenandrov ethem homewhi l
eIst ayedwith
Khenanwhi l
ehewasf i
nishingsomebusi nessinthe
cl
ub.Isatacrosshi m gigglingandt easinghis
seri
ousness.Iwassot ipsyIal mostbr okemy
champagnegl ass,final
lywewal kedoutoft here
handinhandandi ntothecarandhest artedthecar.

Iwasbusyt alkingrubbi
shandchangi ngthemusic
whenKhenanpi ckedupt hespeedandspeddown
thestr
eet.Thedr i
nkfl
ewoutofmyhand, “Khenan
whatthefuck? ”heswer vedthecar,“staydown.”I
heardhim maki ngacallandt hatwaswhent hefi
rst
shotwasf i
red,andt henanother.Thet hi
rdshot
musthav ehitourt i
rebecausewewentf lyi
nginthe
airandthecarr oll
edacoupleoft imes.Ilandedfar
from t
hecarwhi chwasnowupsi dedownwi th
Khenan’sbodyl ay
inghalfinitandhal font heroad.I
couldn’
tmov e,andamanst artedwal ki
ngt owar ds
hisbodyandIscr eamedandi tseemedast houghhe
couldn’
thearme.Themanshotathi schest ,and
thenanothershothitthemanwhof ellt
ot hegr ound.
Iscreamedev enlouderwhenIf eltsomeonepi cki
ng
meup, “KHENAN….NO! !
!PUTMEDOWN! !
!”butt he
personcarry
ingmedi dn’tseem i nterestedinmy
cri
esandwal kedawaywi t
hmei nt othecar .

IopenedmyeyesandIwasi nahotelroom andthe

showerwasrunning…Il
etoutasigh.I
tmusthav eal
l
beenadream,myheadwaspoundi ng,“Khenan…”I
tr
iedtogetupfr
om thebed,butmyarmsandl egs
wereti
eddown…myhear tstart
edbeatingfast
!

Afewmoment slat
eramanwal kedoutofthe
bathroom andintothebedr oom, hel
ookedso
famili
arbutIcouldn’tpinhim.Ididn’
tsayanythi
ng
andnei t
herdidhe,hej ustlookedatmeandIcl osed
myl egs,“pssh,
don’tflatt
ery our
sel
fpri
ncess.
”He
wentintotheclosetandcamebackabi tl
ater
dressedinblackjeansandwalkedi
nwhi l
eputti
ng
onhisblackvneckt ee.Hesatonthebedwhi l
e
putti
ngonhisshoes, “wher
eam I?Andwher ei
smy
husband?”
[
11/
23,
17:
27]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode100

Hetotall
yignoredmeandhepi ckedupthephone.
Hedialedthenlookedatmewhi l
ewaiti
ngfor
someonet opickup,“youhungr
y?”Iwasstarved,
andIfeltweaksoInodded, “
bacon,l
otsofitand
pancakes,Iwantscrab-”
Hecutmeof fbyspeaki ngt owhoev eranswer ed,
“goodmor ni
ng,breakfastpl ease….Yesma’ am…
extrabacon, waffl
es…sunnysi deupf oroneand
scrambledf ortheother ,afruitsal
adandcof feeand
mangoj uice….YesIt hinkt hatwillbeall”helooked
atmef orappr oval
,andInodded.Hesai dthanky ou
andputt hephonedown, thiswassowei r
d.Hewas
beingsoni ce;Ithi
nkIcangetsomei nformation
from hi
m.Hecamear oundt omysi deoft hebedand
untiedmyhands, “behav
ei fyouknowwhat ’
sgood
fory ou.
”Inodded, heunti
edmyf eetandl edmet o
thebat hroom andcl osedt hedoorandl ockedi tfrom
theout side.Ilookedoutthewi ndowandwewer e
abov e10st or
ies,Itookapeeandt henf ounda
closedt oothbrushandbr ushedmyt eet h.Mybody
waspai ningasImov edaroundt hehot el bathroom
andIsawt hebruiseswhenIt ookof fmycl othes.I
tookashowerandt henusedt her obet hatwas
prov i
dedf ormewhenIwasdoneIknockedont he
doorandheopenedf orme, “breakfasti sher e.”I
didn’tsayany thingandsatdownatt het able;hesat
acrossmeandputagunont het able.Iguesshe
thoughthewasscar i
ngme, heshoul dknowbet ter,
“howl onghav eIbeenher e?”

Hef i
rstlookedatmeandt henswal lowed,“t
wo
days.”Istart
edeatingawayhungr i
lyatthebreakf
ast
andspokewi t
hmymout hf ul
l,
“whydi dy oukil
lmy
husband? ”helookedatmei ndisgust,“
swallow
beforeyouspeak, manners.”Iroll
edmyey esathi
m
andswal lowed.
Me:
Whydi
dyouki
l
lmyhusband?
Hi
m:BecauseIwaspai
dto.
Me:
Bywhom?
Hi
m:Ha…r
eal
l
y?
Me:
Itwaswor
that
ry.Howmuch?
Hi
m:Al
ot.
Me:
Andwhati
syourpl
anwi
thme?
Hi
m:Idel
i
very
oui
naf
ewday
s.
Me:
To?
Him:Yousai
dyou’
rehungr
yri
ght
?Orshoul
dIt
iey
ou
backdown?

Ididn’tanswerhisr
hetoricalquestionandcontinued
toeatmybr eakf
ast
,Ifini
shedbef or ehi
m,“Ineedto
smoke. ”Heusedhisey est opointtoaboxof
cigarett
esont hesmalltable.Iwalkedupandgoti t,I
putoneonmyl i
ps,
“li
ghter?”hewal kedoverandl i
tit
forme, andIsmoked.
Isatdownont hecouchandsmokedandst art
ed
plotti
ngmyescapeandev al
uati
ngt hisguyi nmy
head.Hei sapr ofessi
onalatwhathedoes, andhe
knowswhatI ’
m capableofhencet hegunont he
table.Hewon’tt r
ustmewi ththeli
ght erandt here
wer enokniveswi thourbreakf
ast.We’ restil
lin
Sout hAfr
icathatIknow, butwewon’ tbef oral ong
ti
mebecausehehast o‘deli
ver’me, t
owhom?Who
i
st hisguy?Andwhydoeshel ooksof amil
iar?Isat
therethi
nking.

Aft
erawhil
eIhaddevi
sedafewplans,andt
hengot
bor
edsoIkneltont
hecouchfaci
nghim.Hewas
worki
ngonthecomput
er,“
I’
m bor
ed.”
Hi
m:Whatdoy
ouwant
?
Me:
Tot
alk.
Hi
m:I
’
m wor
king.
Me:
May
beIcanhel
p.
Het urnedhisfaceatanangl eandIr emember ed
wher eIknewhi mf r
om, myt ummyt urnedandItri
ed
tonotshowi t.Nowt hismakesi tevenharderforme
tofi
gur eoutwhoki dnappedme, becauseheishir
ed
totakepeopleoutnotbaby sit
.Whoev eri
tismust
bepay ingashitload,becauset hisisn’thi
sstyl
e!

Hi
m:Youcanhel
pbyshut
ti
ngt
hef
uckup.
Me:
CanIatl
easthav
ether
emot
eandadr
ink?

Heletoutasi
gh,hi
spatiencewaswear
ingoff
…but
hetri
edtohol
dhimself
,hedoesn’
twanttohurtme.
Maybehedoes,buthe’
spai dt
obri
ngmeinone
pi
ece.
Hewalkedov ertot hehot el
phone; hekepthiseyes
onmeanddi aledr oom ser vi
ce,“don’
tforget
chocol
ate,
champagneandchocol ate.
”Hedi dn’
t
smil
e;heplacedt heor derandt hensatdownt owork.
Awhilel
atertheor derwasbr oughtup,“I’
m coming.
”
Heshoutedoutt hent urnedtome, “
I’
ll
trustyou
enoughnottotiey ouup. ”Inoddedandheputhi s
gunbehindhisbackandopenedt hedoorput ti
ngon
thefakestsmileI’
veev erseen.Ijustsatonthe
couchuntilheclosedandl ockedthedoorthenIgot
upt oseewhatt heybrought ,4bottl
esofchampagne,
chocolat
eandst r
awber ri
es.Iputthebottl
esinthe
fri
dgeandopenedone, Isatonthecouchwi ththe
chocolat
eandswi t
chedont heTV, “
youcanhav ethe
strawberr
ies.
”Hechuckl edtohimself,
andIlethim
beandsatpr etendingtowat cht
heTV.

Kruger?Whowoul dsendKr ugeronmet hough?I

thoughandIcoul dn’ tthinkofany one,Ihav en’t
steppedonmanyt oes, unl essi t
’sKhenan.Butt hey
kil
ledKhenan,sowhywoul dt heyst i
llwantme?I
shedacoupl eoft ear sthi nkingaboutt hem shoot i
ng
myhusbandi nt hemi ddleoft hest reet.Iquickly
wipedthem awayandgat heredmy self;Ican’tbe
weak…notnow!Idr ankt hechampagneandgotup
toaskhimt olightt heci gar etteforme, hewat ched
mecar ef
ullyasIwal kedar oundt her oom andIwent
tothebalcony.HeknewIwoul dn’tjump, buthest i
ll
camet obringmei nside.Thebal conynextt ouswas
about8met ersawayf rom our sandIwoul dnev er
maket hej ump.Heusher edmebacki nsi deandIsat
ont hecouch.I twasgoi ngfor2pm andIst il
ldidn’t
knowhowIwasgoi ngt ogetoutofher e.SoIj ust
satther eanddr ankmychampagne, Itookanapand
hewokemeupat21h00f orsupper .Idi dn’tcare
aboutf resheni ngupIr ubbedmyey esandsatdown
atthet abl eacr osshi m.Hedi dn’ thav ef oodi nfront
ofhim, andIopenedmi neandl ookedathi m
quizzical l
y,thisdudewast r
yingt odr ugme.I
crossedmyar msandl ookedatt hepl at e;her oll
ed
hisey esandt ookt hest eakkni fe.Iwasact ually
surprisedIev enhadt heopt ionofcut l
er y;hecuti nto
myst eakandputi ti nthesauceandi ntohi smout h.
Hedi dt hatwi thabi tofev erythingont hepl ateand
thent ookasi poft hewi nest raightf rom t hebot tl
e
andswal l
owedbef or ehandi ngmet hef orkandkni f
e
andpour i
ngt hewi nei nt omyempt ygl ass.Il etouta
sighofr eli
efbef oret aki ngthet ablenapki nand
wipingt her im oft hegl assbef oret aki ngasi p,j
ust
forthecheek.Hedi dn’tsayany thing; Iat einsi l
ence
untilsomet hingcaughtmyey e.
Iclearedmyt hr
oatandexcusedmy selfandwentt o
thebat hr
oom andt hrewup.Fuckt hiscan’tbe, no….
no!!Istart
edshaki ngandIi mmedi atelyknewwho
wasbehi ndal lofthi sshi t
.Iremembert hewi nelike
i
twasy esterday ,
Tempr ani
ll
o.Iwoul dn’tmisst he
pictureofawoman’ spr i
vatecov er
edbyaf l
ower .
Ther ewasonl yonepl acethatwi necoul dbef ound,
“shit!
”Icursedoutl oudandf lushedthet oil
etand
gotuponl ytof indKr ugerstandingint hedoor way ,
“arey oual
right?”
Ilookedathi
m andnodded,Ir
insedmymout hand
walkedpassedhim andbackt
omysupper ,he
foll
owedmeandheseemedwor r
ied,
“ar
eyousure?
”
Me:
Musthav
ebeent
hechampagne.
Hi
m:Ok,
mustIgety
ouany
thi
ng?

Ishookmyheadandcont i
nuedeati
ngt hesteak,
whenIwasdoneIpushedt hepl
ateasideandt hen
tookasi
pofthewine.Imustadmititwaslov el
y,I
swirl
edi
tar
oundinmygl assandtookanot hersi
p
andpi
ckedupt
hebot
tl
e,“
wher
edi
dyougett
his?
”
Hi
m:Af
ri
end,
hel
i
keshi
swi
ne(
bingo)
Me:
Hecol
l
ect
sthem,
orhe’
sCuban?
Hi
m:Bot
h(f
ucki
ngj
ackpot
)
Me:
Tel
lmehegav
eyouacoupl
eofci
gar
s?
Hi
m:Hei
sn’
tqui
tet
hesmoker
.

Thisidi
otwassi ngi
ngl i
keaf ucki
ngcanaryandhe
didn’
tevenreali
zeit.Istoppedaskingquestions
befor
eher eal
izedIwasont ohim andquickly
changedthetopic,“
Ineedcl othes,Ican’
tsitina
robeunti
lwel eave.
”
Hi
m:don’
twor
ryy
ou’
reget
ti
ngt
hem t
oni
ght
Me:Ican’
twearj
eansinthi
sheat,andIhat
e
dr
essed…Ineedgym gear,
andI’
m asize4shoe.
Hi
m:Iknow

Ir
oll
edmyey
esandwentt
owat
chTV.I
’
dhad
enoughoft hisshi t
,Iwasbor edasf uck, andI
couldn’tsleepbecauseIhadt akenanap.Isatt here
andwat chedt heshi t
typrogramsont het el
ev isi
on,
aroundmi dni ghtIgoti ntobedandt ri
edt osleep.I
couldfeel hispr esencear oundme, hewasl ooki ng
atmeandt ryingtof i
gureouti fIwassl eepi
ngornot
andt henher eceivedacal landhewal kedaway .He
answer ed, buthewast oof arformet ohearwhathe
wassay ing.Iknewhewasf l
yingmeoutt oCubaf or
Pablo;Ijustneededt oknowwhen.Isl eptthinking
aboutitandwokeupear l
ythenextmor ningandI
foundaduf fel bagont hebedandIwashappy .I
tookitint othebat hroom; Ishower edandgot
dressedi ngr eyy ogapant swi thatightgy mv estand
aloosecr opgy mjacketandsocksandgotout .
Krugerwassi tt
ingreadingthepaper ,“shoes? ”
Hi
m:Goodmor
ningt
oyout
oo.
Me:
Mor
ning,
shoes?

Hepointedwit
hhi
sey esatt
heboxesclosetot
he
door
;Itookthe3boxesandopenedthem.Iopt
ed
fortheAdidasHumanRaceandt heyfi
ttedperfect
ly,
wehadn’ thadhousekeepinginheresoIt ol
dhim we
neednewsheet sandtowelsandhedidn’tsay
anythi
ng.Hel ookedabitstr
essedandwasst il
lin
yester
day scl
othes,Idi
dn’
task.Isatdownandhad
breakfastwit
hami mosa…

Aladycamet ocl
eanandchanget helinen, Kruger
hadwar nedbeforenottotryanything.Isatont he
couchwat chi
ngTVunt i
lshelef t
,Krugerdi dn’tsay
anythi
ngbutIcouldsenset hathewasr elaxingabi t
andst ar
ti
ngtotrustme.Heev ent ookashower
l
eav i
ngmeal oneforafull7mi nute.Helockedt he
doorandt ookhisgunswithhim.Iqui cklyrant othe
balcony,t
heledgeleadi
ngtot henextwi ndowwas
thi
nandt herewasnowayIwoul dmakei twi ththese
sneakers.Bytheti
meKr ugercamebackIwas
exactl
ywher eheleftme.

Hewasnowdressedandopenedthedoorf
oralar
ge
bl
ackman,
real
lydarkwi
thbl
acktatt
oosall
over
,
“
Champher
ewi
l
llookaf
tery
ou.
”
Ist
oodupi mmedi
atel
yshaki
ngmyhead,“
howdo
youexpectmetof
eelcomfort
abl
ewi
ththi
sthi
ng.
”
Champgr unted,Krugerl ookedatmeandsawt hatI
wasr eal l
yscar edbuthequi cklyst rai
ghtenhi s
wor r
iedf ace,“wel l
dowhaty ouwi l
l,i
fheendsup
kil
li
ngmewhi l
ey ou’renother e,Ihopewhoev erpaid
youski nsy oual i
ve!!”het henscr atchedhi sheadand
l
etoutasi gh, “
Champi fyout ouchher ,you’redead.
AndIwon’ tmakei tqui ckoreasy .”Champ’ sey es
grewl argeratt het hreat;Kruger ’
st onewasev en
scaryt ome.Hedr aggedoneoft hechai rsandhe
placesi tinoneendoft her oom, “yousither eand
don’tmov eunlesssheasksy out o.”Champl etouta
gruntofdi sappr oval,“orunlessshet ri
est orun. ”
Krugerwal kedt othebal conyandl ockedi tthenput
thekeyi nhi spocketandt hent ur nedtolookatme,
“youbehav e.”
Me:
Whati
fIneedsomet
hingl
i
kef
ood?
Hi
m:Champwi
l
lcal
lroom ser
vice.
Me:
Canheev
ent
alk?Hehasbeenst
andi
ngt
her
e
l
ooki
ngl
i
keanov
ersi
zedi
diotandgr
unt
ingaway
.

Champgr unt
edonemor etimewhi
chscar
edmeand
Ij
umpedabi t,Kr
ugerwalkedov
ert
oChampand
whisper
edinhisearandChampnodded.
Helookedbackatme, “hewil
l gety
ouany t
hingyou
need,j
ustdon’tt
roubl
ehim…andkeepy ourbig
mouthshutifyouknowwhat ’sgoodforyou.”I
noddedwalkingovert
ot hecouchsulki
ng.Isat
downandt ookasipofmychampagne, “I
’
llbeback
l
ater.
”

Helef
tmewi thChampwholockedthedoorandsat
downinhisassi
gnedseat
.Wesatli
kethatforabout
anhourandthenItur
nedtof
acehim,“I
’
m hungry.”
Champ:
Whaty
ouwantt
ohav
e?

Hi
svoi
cewassoscar yandIknewforsuret
hathe
wassi
ngle;t
her
eisnowomani nhel
lthatwoul
d
st
andforthi
sshi
t.Igotupf
rom t
hecouchandhe
watchedmecar ef
ull
yandIgott hemenuf r
om the
drawerandl ookedt hroughit
, “Iwantt heburger…no
nono, askfort hesurfandturf, butIwantext rari
bs
andt hecr eamyspi nach.Thent ellthem Iwantt wo
bottl
esofchampagneand2oft heMusgr avegin..
.I
needbl ueberr
iesandsomegr apef ruitwiththat.
Don’tfor getthepinktonic,about12canswi thlots
ofice….Gott hat?”Isaidthelastpar tsarcasti
call
y
andsl ammedt hemenucl osed, “ ohandI ’m outof
ci
gar ettes,andIwantmat ches.Thi sgasr ubbishis
badf ormyl ungs.”

Hepickedupt
hephoneandpl
acedt
heorderthen
st
oppedforawhi
le,
“howdoyouwanty
oursteak?”
Me:
Medi
um r
are,
wit
hthebl
uecheesesauce.
Whenhewasdone, Ihadthel
astci
gar
ett
eandt
hen
myfoodarri
ved,
Iateabitandhadagl
assof
champagneandthentookanap…

Iwokeupanhourlat
erf
rom mynapandthecreep
wasjustst
ari
ngatmeandhewasn’tev
enbli
nking.I
wenttodomybusi nessi nthetoi l
etwi thanice
bucketandhedi dn’tevenquest i
onme.Icameback
andresumedmyposi t
ion.Iopenedt hegi nand
mixedagl assformy selfandof feredthegr umpy
l
ookingChampandheshookhi shead, Ipour
edt he
resti
ntotheempt yicebucketanddr ankt hecontent
ofmygl assforthenextcoupl eofhour s.Iopened
thesecondbot t
leandr epeatedt hepr ocessandt hen
putont r
ace,Istart
eddanci ngar oundt hehot elr
oom.
Iputitonfullbl
astandt henIwal kedov ertohim
tri
ppi
ngov ermyf eet,“
dancewi thme? ”hejust
i
gnoredmeandl ookedatmel ikeIwascr azy…

Afterawhi leIfi
nishedmysecondgl assandgotthe
champagnef rom thef r
idge.Shookitthenopenedit
,
thef oam spil
ledever y
wher eandImadesur eIgot
someal l
ov ermybodyanddr ankstr
aightf
rom t
he
bottlejumpingallov ertheplaceanddancedtothe
musi c.Afteranhourofpr et
endingtobedrunkIsat
ont hecouchandsi ppedont hechampagnebottl
e.
Me:
Champ?
?
Hedi
dn’
trepl
y,“
CHAMP?
??!
!!
”
Hi
m:What
?
Me:
Takemet
obed.

Hegr untedindi sapproval

,“Whenheget sback, I
’l
l
tellhimy oudidn’tdoasIasked. ”Her eluctantlygot
upf rom hi sassignedseatandcar r
iedmet othebed,
Ikissedhi scheek.ThenIsl urr
edout ,“Ilovey ou
Champi on”bef orekissi
nghi scheekagai n.Heput
meont hebedandt ookof fmyshoesandt henputa
throwov erme.AndIpr etendedt osnor e,10mi nutes
l
at erKr ugergotbackandChampgav ehi ma
rundownofhowourdaywent ,“
…she’soutf orthe
night, drank2bot tl
esofgi nandmademecar ryher
tobed.Shewi lldefi
nit
elypissthebedt onight…good
l
uckbuddy ,”

Champwal kedoutandKr ugercl

osedthedoor
bef
oreopeningt hebal
conyandhav i
ngacigar
ett
e.
Helookedstressedagain,andhesl
ippedupbynot
l
ockingthedoor.Hewentt othebathr
oom andI
wai t
edami nutebefor esneaki ngoutofbedand
maki ngmywayt ot hedoor .Igott ot hedoorand
turnedtheknob,thatwaswhenIf eltatugonmy
hairandIwasdr aggedacr osst her oom andt hen
thrownagainstthewal l
,“WHAT! !YOUTHI NKI ’
M
ANDI I
DIOT?”heshout edatmeashepi ckedmeup
from thefl
oorandpi nningmeagai nstthewal lwith
onehandar oundmyneck.Il ookedhi m straightin
theey esandshowedhi m nof ear .Het henr aisedhis
l
ef thandtoslapme, “
touchmeandI ’
ll
tellPablo.”He
frozeinshock,hedi dn’tknowhowIhadf i
gur edit
out ,
“yeahKruger,nowputmedownandbeagood
boyandbabysi t.”
Het i
ght
enedhisgr i
par oundmyneckandIst il
l
showednof ear
,insteadIspatonhi sf ace.Heletgo
ofmeandIf ell
tothef loorgraspingf orair,“
you
fucki
ngbit
ch,goodt hingyourhusbandi sdead
becausenobodywi l
l savey oufrom this!!Nowget
i
ntobed,wehav eal ongf l
ighttomorr ow. ”

Shit
,It
houghttomysel
f.Hewastaki
ngmet oCuba
tomorr
ow;Ineedtogetthef
uckoutofher
e.Iwasn’
t
cryingthough, ev enthoughhement i
onedKhenan’ s
deat h.Icrawledt othebedandgotundert hecov ers,
andhepul ledupachai randsatri
ghtinfr
ontoft he
bed.Ev enaf terturni
ngar oundIcoul
dstil
lfeelhis
eyespi ercingthroughme.Hecal l
edroom servi
ce
andgotabot tl
eofcognacwhi chhedranktil
lIfell
asleep.
[
11/
23,
17:
27]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode101

Thenextmor ningwhenIwokeuphewasst i
llsit
ting
stari
ngatme; hehadhal fabot tl
eofwhi skeyi nhi s
handand2empt ycognacbot t
lesont hef l
ooranda
full
bot t
leofwhiskeyont het able.Ididn’tsay
anythingtohim.Igotof fthebedandwenti nt othe
bathroom andbrushedmyt eeththencameoutand
wentt othefri
dgetogetwat er.Itookdownhal fthe
bottl
eandhewasst ar
ingatme, “
breakfast ?”he
l
ookedatmel ikeIwascr azy,“
getr eadywe’ r
e
l
eav i
ngat8am.Il ookedov eratthewal lcl ockandi t
was06h22, “Ineedmymor ningcigarette.”It ookone
outtheboxandwal kedt ohimt ol i
ghtitf orme.I
smokedbef oregoingintot heshower ;Iwast heref or
awhileandcameoutinbl
ueyogapantsanda
sport
sbra…Iti
edmywethairi
natightbunand
didn’
twearanyshoes.

Isatonthecouchandl ookedaround;every
thing
wasexactlywhereIhadleftitl
astni
ght.Her eceiv
ed
acall
,“Boss…yes…noI ’
m notdrunksir…I’
lll
ety ou
knowthemi nut
ewet akeof f
…laterBoss.”
Hewassl urringhiswor ds; hestumbl edupandwent
tolockt heslidingdoort akingthekeywi t
hhi mi nto
theshoweral ongwi t
hhi s2gunsandt hekeyt othe
maindoor .Hedi dn’
tcloset hebat hroom door .I
waited2mi nutesaf t
ertheshowerst artedandI
peakedi nsideandt hewat erwasr unningov erhis
body .Itookt heicebucketwi t
hthel iquori nand
pouredi talloverthecar petespeci al
lybyt hemai n
door, Igotapi l
lowcaseandst uff
edi tinhi swhi skey
bottl
ebef oreset ti
ngitalightandt hrewi tatt he
bathroom ent ranceandt hewhol eplacel itonf i
re.
Ibr
oketheglassdoortot
hebalconyandcutmy
sel
f
i
nsever
alplaceswhil
eexi
tingandthencl
i
mbedont
o
theledgeleadingtothenextroom.Ist epped
careful
lyinmybar efeetwi
thoutlookingdown;Igot
tothewi ndowandopenedi tandt henIfeltt
hepai
n
beforehearingthegunshootandhegotmeonmy
thi
gh.Ifelli
ntotheroom nextdoor .
Istruggledt omyf eetlimpi ngandt hecoupl einbed
screamed…Ii gnoredt hem andmademywayt o
theirdoorandcheckedt hepassagei twasempt y
andImadear unf orit…Iwentdownt hestair
sand
i
nt otheel evatoront hef loorbeneat handt hat’s
whenKr uger ’
sbul l
etent eredt heel ev atorbeforethe
door sclosed, shatteri
ngt hemi rrori ntoami ll
ion
pieces.Thi sliftcouldn’tmov efastenough“ go…go….
Go!!!”Ireachedt hebasementpar kingandhewasno
wher etobeseenandIhear daf ami l
iarvoiceasI
l
impedt ot hev aletcubicle,“Mr s.DeCost a?”Ididn’t
evenhav et i
met oexplainort ogr eetback, “keysto
thatcar .
”Ipoi ntedatt hegol dFer rarithatwasi nthe
parkingl ot.“Butma’ am, ”thenIhear dagunshot ,
“NOW! !
!!
”Bant uhandedmet hekey sandIl impedt o
thecaranddr oveof f,
abul l
ethi tthewi ndscreen
ri
ghti nfrontofmeandIf rozewai t
ingf orthebul l
et
topenetratemyskul l….Nothing, bulletproof
.Iletout
asighofr eli
efanddr ovestraightknocki ngKruger
underthecarandIhear dasqui shingsound…Iwas
notworri
edaboutt hat.Iwaspani ckinganddidn’t
knowwhatt odo; Idi
dn’tknowwher et ogo…Iwasi n
adiff
erentpr ovi
nceandIknewnobodyher e,I
checkedt hecarforaphoneorany thinganddidn’t
fi
ndany t
hi ng,“
thi
nkThando…f uckmant hink!
!!
”

AsIwasf iddl inginthecarIslammedi nto

somet hi
ngandi taRangeRov er,Istumbledoutof
thecarwithmyheadpoundi ng.Ilookedupand
thereitwasoneofKhenan’ shotels,theonewewer e
bookedat .Imademywayt owardst hedoor s,t
he
doorment riedt ohelpthem andIputmyhandup
signali
ngfort hem tonotcomenearme.Iwal ked
i
nt othehotel lobbyandpeopl ewer egraspingatthe
sceneofbl ood, “Khenan…K…DeCost a.
”Isaidatthe
recepti
onist,theelevatordoorsopenandIt houghtI
sawKhenan, butIheardKeenan’ svoice,“
Thando….!”
Ifell
tothef loorandl i
ghtsout!
Iwokeupi nahospi talbedwi thmachi nesconnect ed
alloverme; Iblinkedacoupl eoft imest oadj ustmy
eyest ot hebr i
ghtl ights.Ilookedar oundandsaw
someonesl eepingi nachai ratt hecor neroft he
room.It ri
edt osi tupbutpai nshott hr
oughmyent ire
body, andIscr eamed.Myscr eam seemedt oalarm
themachi nerywaki ngupt hesl eepingper son.
Someoner ant hrought hedoorandIr ecogni zed
Abebi ,butmyey eswer efixedont hemanwhowas
nowsi tt
ingalar medi nthechai r
.Abebi camet omy
bed,“cal m downThando, y ou’
rehome…r elax.”Her
voicesoot hedmei ntocalmnessandIf eltmybody
rel
ax, Iwasn’ tasl eepbutshemusthav eput
somet hi nginmydr ip.Ijustlayt hereont hewhi te
bedf eelingconf usedashel l
,“Thandoj ustnodi fy ou
canhearme. ”Inodded, butmyey eswer est ill
scanni ngt heroom, ZenonandDumi …i tfeltli
ke
someonehi tmeont heheadwi thachur chbel l
andI
wasdi zzyandal lIsawwasKhenan’ sfaceandt hen
myey escl osed.
Lat
eronIwokeupwi
thacl
ear
ermindandKhenan
wassit
ti
ngnextt
omybedhol
dingmyhand,
thi
s
ti
meIdi dn’
ttrytomov e.Ijustsqueezedhi shand
andheputhi sheadup, tearsimmedi at
elyst art
ed
runningdownhi scheeks,“B…baby ?”myv oicewas
hoarseandmyt hr
oatwasdr y,
hegotmewat erwi
th
astrawandt hensmi l
edatme, “heymylov e.”I
start
edcryi
ng, “
sshhhbaby ,I’
m here.”
Me:
Buty
oudi
ed,
theyshoty
ou.
Hi
m:I
’
m her
e.
Me:
ButIsawi
t.
Hi
m:Sshhh.

Idon’
tknowwhathappenedbutIseem t
ohav
egone
backtosl
eep.

WhenIf inall
yful
lywokeup,Abebi wasther
et aki
ng
someoft hemachiner
yoffofme, “heyMiss
Sunshine.”Hersmilewaswar m andsadallatonce,
“whereismyhusband? ”shedidn’tgetachancet o
repl
y,“I
’m herebaby…”Khenanwal kedtowardsthe
bed,“arey ouhungr
y?”Inoddedwi t
htearsi
nmy
eyes,“don’tcry.
”Abebirol
ledov erawheelchairand
theybot hhelpedmeont oitandAbebi wal
kedahead
asKhenanpushedmei ntot heelev
at or
.Il
ooked
around, wewer eatthefarm house, wegottothe
dini
ngr oom andev ery
onewast here.Il
etoutasigh
andf orcedasmi le,
“nangu’neverdi
e. ”I
cesai
dwi tha
smile.
Snake:
Diehar
d!
Keenan:
Hay
isuka,
leav
emysi
sal
one.

Everyonelaughed;Ij
ustcouldn’tkeepmyey esof f
Khenan.Hei sdead,howi sthisevenpossi ble?The
guysboughtt hefoodtothet abl
eandt heysai d
grace,andonceagainIwasment i
onedandt hanked,
Khenansatnextt omeandf edmeachi ckensoup,
Icywascal vi
ngt hel
egofl ambwhi leSnakeswas
butcheri
ngawayatt hepor kbell
y,“don’tIgett oeat
thattoo?”every
onejustlaughed.“She’sback, ”Ice
shouted,“wethoughtwel ostyouBossLady .”I
smiledfaint
lyandlookedatKhenan, heknewwhat
thatlookmeantandexcusedusf r
om ev erybody ,
he
tookmeupstai
rsandputmei ntobed,“I
’l
l bri
ngy our
foodnowandthenwecant alk.
”Isi
mpl ynoddedand
helef
t.Hecamebackwi ththesoupandsomemeat
andgril
l
edveggiesandsatdowni nfrontofhi m.
Thiswasthefi
rsttimeIl
ookedathi m properly,
he
hadcutsandbruisesonhisface,“
it
’snot hingbaby .
”
Me:
Whathappened?
Hi
m:Wewer
eambushed.
Me:Iknow,
butt
heyshoty
ou.Isawt
hem guny
ou
down.
Hi
m:Iwasi
nabul
l
etpr
oofv
estbaby
.
Me:Whywereyouwear
ingabul
l
etpr
oofv
estt
o
di
nnerandcl
ub?
Hedidn’
tanswerbuttr
iedtoputaspooni
nmy
mouthwhichIref
used,“cutt
hecrap,
didy
ouknow
t
hiswouldhappen?”
Hi
m:No.
Me:
Thenwhyt
hev
est
?
Hi
m: Ihadabusinessmeet
ing,
Iwasgoi
ngt
ohead
t
hereafterIdr
oppedyouof
f.
Me:
whydi
dn’
tyout
ell
me?
Hi
m:Youhat
ethi
sshi
tIcoul
dn’
trui
nthecel
ebr
ati
on.
Me:
Ist
hati
t?
Hi
m:Iswearbabyt
hat
’st
het
rut
h.
Me:
ist
her
eany
thi
ngel
seIshoul
dknow?

Hisfacethatwasf
il
ledwit
hhappi
nessnowl
ooked
l
ikeagraveofregr
et,“
Khenan…whatel
se
happened?”
Hi
m:Not
hing…
Me:
Arewekeepi
ngsecr
etsr
ightnow?
Hi
m:Youcan’
thandl
ethi
s…notnow.
Me:
Tel
lmey
ouf
oundPabl
o?
Hi
m:Pabl
o?
Me:
Yeah,
hecal
l
edt
heki
dnappi
ng.
..
Hi
m:Shi
t!
!Fuck…I
’
m scr
ewed.
Me:
Whathappened?
Hi
m:I
’
llbebackr
ightnow.

Hegotupandl eftmet here,“Khenan…”hedi dn’

t
stopbuthewal kedout ,withoutcl
osingt hedoor
behindhim.Iputt hetr
ayont hesidewithouteating
anythingandlaydown.Af ewmi nuteslaterAbebi
walkingin…“Himommy ,howar eyoufeel i
ng?”she
putthet r
ayont hedresserandshegoti ntobedwi t
h
me, “I
’m al
ri
ght…”
Her
:I’
m gl
ad…Iwassowor
ri
edabouty
ou.
Me:youknowI
’
mtoughl
i
ket
hat
,Icanhandl
e
any
thing.
Her:Wel
lI’
m gl
adyou’r
etaki
ngthi
swell
…Idon’
t
knowhowI ’
dsurv
iveaft
erbei
ngki
dnappedand
l
osingababy.

Shehadn’
tev enswal
lowedherwordswhenKhenan
camerunningint
otheroom,andbythelookonhis
facehecouldalr
eadytel
li
twastoolat
e,“getout
.”
Hi
m:Thandopl
easedon’
tdot
his.
Me:
Getoutbot
hofy
ou.

Abebiputt
woandtwot
oget
her
…“OhmygoshI
’
m
sor
ry,
ThandoIdi
-”
Me:Youbothbett
ergetthef
uckoutofher
ebef
oreI
getar
rest
edforadoublehomici
de!
!
Abebil
eftt
heroom butKhenanj
ustst
oodt
her
e,“
I
am notgoi
nganywhereThando.
”
Me:
Youl
i
edt
ome.
Him:I’
mf ucki
ngpr ot
ecti
ngyou;youwerekidnapped
forcry
ingoutloud!Howt hefuckwasIsupposedto
tel
lyouwerefuckingpregnantandyoulostthe
baby??
Me:
I’
myourwi
fe,
yout
ell
meev
ery
thi
ngdammi
t!

Hesteppedcrawledontothebed,“babyI’
m sor
ry.
”
Thetear
sjuststart
edpouring,
“whatdidwedo
wrong?Whydoest hiskeephappeningtous??Why?”
Hi
m:Idon’
thav
eananswerf
ort
hatbaby
,buti
t’
snot
ourfaul
t.Whenthetimei
sri
ght
,pl
easedon’
tbeat
your
selfupoverthi
s…webothwer
en’tawar
ewe
werepregnant
.

Icri
edsohar dtill
Ifellasl
eep,andwhenIwokeup
Khenanwasn’ tthere.Butmyl aptopwast herewit
ha
note:Ihopey ougotsomer estandIhopey ou
for
givemef orleavingatat imeli
ket his.ButI
couldn’
tletPablogetawaywi ththi
s.Pl easestayat
thefarmhouseunt ilI
’m backtheguy swi lll
ookaft
er
you…Il oveyou,andagai nI’
m sorry.Lov e,K
[
11/
23,
17:
28]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode102

Iwasn’tfazedbyt henot e,
heleftandthatonl
y
meantonet hi
ng,Iwasnoti mpor t
antatthi
smoment .
Thatwasn’ twhatgotmeemot i
onalt
hough…i twas
thatname: PABLO! !Ishouldhavekil
l
edhi mthat
night
,Imessedup.Mybabywoul dsti
llhav
ebeen
ali
veifIhadf i
nishedmymi ssi
on.
Il
ayi
nbedthi
nki
ngaboutthewholeordeal
andtears
camedownhar
d,Ican’
tconcei
ve.Khenanwasn’
tthe
problem, hehadt wowonder f
ulchi
l
dren, andIwas
thepr oblem.Itwasf i
rstwithSphaandnowhi m,
twice.Icannothol dachi l
dandmay beI ’
m notmeant
tohav echi l
dren.Thenagainhowwi llIbeableto,I
’
ve
had3f athersinmyl i
fe.
..madeperfectsense,I’
ma
fuckup.Li keKhenanoncesai d,
Ineedst osti
ckto
decorat i
ngcupcakes…

DayswentbyandIgotbet t
er,
Imetupwi t
h
Atandwa’
st eam toviewmyprojectanditwasgoing
tobereadyinamont h’
sti
me.Atandwawasav oi
ding
meseemi nglybecauseIdidn’
tseehim,andIwas
onlycommuni cati
ngwithhimviaemail
si fnot
thr
oughhisassi st
ance.
Khenancamebackaweekl aterandhehadki ll
ed
Pabloandshowedmeav ideotopr ovei t
,which
mademesi ckinthestomach.I twast oogruesome
andIdon’tunderstandhowt hatwasev ensupposed
tomakemef eel.Especi
all
yafterallIhadgone
thr
ough.
Butstil
lthi
ngswer en’tt
hesamebet weenus, we
weredistantandIcoul dtel
li
twaswei ghi
nghar don
Khenanbecausehel ookedli
keazombi e.Atthat
ti
met herewasnot hingIcoulddoaboutitbecauseI
wasdecay ingi
nside.Icouldn’
ttel
lhi
m howIwas
feeli
ngbecauseitwoul daddstresstohim.Sowe
bothfocusedonwor kandhewaswor ki
nglateever
y
nightandwasoutoft hecountr
yatleast10day s
eachmont h.
Thistimehewasi nMi ami t
ryi
ngtogetacl ubt here
anditst i
l
lamazedmet hathewasput ti
ngev erythi
ng
i
nmyname.Iev enhi
redsomeonet olookintohi s
businessdeal i
ngsandev eryt
hingheputunderme
wasl egit
.Ididn’
tbotherquestioni
nghi m aboutit
becausewhenhegothomeIwasal readysleeping
andhel eftbeforeIgotup.Thet ensi
onwassobad
thatAbebi andKeenant ookthekidsawayf orthe
holi
day swhichleftmehomeal one…
Khenanwasscheduledbacklastni
ghtbuttext
edme
thathewouldbether
eforanother2ni
ghts.Idi
dn’
t
mindreal
ly
,theti
mealonewasact ual
l
ygood.Good
meaningIwasdrunkeveryni
ghtanddidn’
tgivea
fuckaboutany thi
ngunt i
l Iwaswokenupbyanemai l
thatneededKhenanatt heof ficeatmi dday.Khenan
hadf orwar
dedi ttomeandaskedmet omeetwi th
hisToky obusinesspartners.Igoti tat05h00and
l
uckilyIwasupf r
om goingt othebat hroom.Igot
dressedandwentt othegy mt osweatoutt he
alcoholandthenmadet hehangov ercure.Ial
ways
hatedwhenKhenanmadet hisforme, Ismi l
ed
sli
ghtlytomy self
.At7am Iwasl ookingthrough
everythi
ngandl uckyformewehadt al
kedaboutthi
s
beforesoIhadacl earpictureofwhatwas
happening.
Ileftt
hehouseaf ewhour slaterdressedinanall
blacksuit,withabl ackblouseandbl ackpointyheel
s.
Iwasear l
yforthemeet i
ngsowant edtotakea
breatherandr ecapev eryt
hingi nKhenan’soff
ice.
Theel evatordoorsopenedandt herecepti
oni
st
wasn’tatherdeskandt heof fi
cewasqui et
.Iletout
asighandj ustthoughtev er
yonewashi di
ng
becauseofhi sshittymoodl ately
,andhecanbehe’ ll
todeal with.Iputthekeyi nthehol eandopenedhi s
offi
cedoorandIcoul dn’
tbelievemyey es…his
recept
ioni
stwasl ayi
ngonhisdeski nasexywhi t
e
l
ingeri
ewi t
hal ol
l
iepopinhermout h,“Mar
tha?”she
gotthebiggestfr
ightofherli
fe,“
Ohmygosh, please
don’tt
ellMr.DeCosta…Ijustthought
…”
Me:
Thoughtwhat
?

Shedidn’tsayany
thing;
shegr
abbedhercoat
,
“ThoughtwhatMar t
ha?Whatdi
dyouthi
nk?”
Her:Thatyoutwower
eov
erandIt
houghtIwoul
d
cheerhim up.

Il
etoutalaugh,“
real
lynow?Youthoughtt
hat
?”she
noddednervousl
y,“
wasthereev
enameet i
ng?”
Her
:NoMa’
am
Me:
SoIgotdr
essedf
ornor
eason?
Her
:I’
m sor
ry.
..
Me:
NoI
’
m sor
ry,
pleasecont
inue…
Ichuckl edandt urnedtowalkaway ,Iwouldn’
tlether
l
oseherj obov erwantingmymansoIl etherbe….I
wal kedpassedherof fi
ceandgrabbedapi eceofher
redl i
quor i
shandl ookedatapictur
eofhert wingirl
s
andmyhear tsankandIwasbackatsquar eone
afterlosi ngthebabyIknewnot hi
ngabout .The
elevat ordoor scloseandIweptal l
thewaydownand
i
nt omycar .Isattherefor15minutesandgat hered
my sel f.IneededmymanandIneededt oseehi m
now, Iknewhewasst ayingawaytoav oi
dmesoI
woul dsur pri
sehim becauseIknewhewasn’ t
comi ngbackany ti
mesoon…

Igothomeandl
ookedf
ormypasspor
tandcoul
dn’
t
fi
nditany
wher
eandIdi
aledhi
m.

*
***
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***

Iwasdonewithever
ythi
ngthatIcameheretodoso
Ideci
dedt
ospendacoupl eofdaystodi
stress.The
dealwast
hroughandtheclubwouldberunningas
soonasevery
thi
ngwassetup.Iwasinmyhot
el
room whenIr
ecei
vedacal
l,
“Hell
o.”
Thando:
Don’
tactl
i
key
oudon’
tknowi
t’
smechap!
!

Shewasinagoodmood,soIassumedthemeeti
ng
wentwel
l
,“whatcanIdof
ormylady?”Ipl
ayedal
ong.
Her
:Babyhav
ey ouseenmypasspor
t?Ineedt
osee
Gor
donandIcan’tf
indi
tany
where.
Me:
Uhm,
saf
e?
Her
:Checked,
nope.Ihadi
tinJHBy
out
hinkIl
osti
t
t
hen?
Me:
Ohshi
tno,
it’
sint
hest
udysaf
e.
Her:Ial
mostdied,
youknowIhat
eli
nes.Hav
en’
t
openedthatsaf
eincent
uri
es,
code.
Me:
real
l
y?
Her
:Ti
me…t
icki
ng.
Me:
HaHa…4878.
Her
:Thanks,
I’
ll
cal
lyoul
aterandt
ell
youaboutt
he
meet
ing.Il
ovey
ou.

What?Ihadn’
thear
dthati
nfor
ever
,“whatdi
dyou
j
ustsay?”
Her
:I’
l
ltakei
tback…
Me:
Damny
oupl
ayhar
dbal
l
!!Il
ovey
oumor
e.
Her
:Al
ri
ghtl
ater
.
Me:
Su-

Andthent
u…t
u…t u…t
hiswoman.It
ookasipofmy
dr
inkandt
henitcamebackt
ome…shit!
!!
!
*
***
***
***
***
***
**Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***

Iputthephonedownandwal kedintohi sst

udy,so
neat.That’
swher eKhenanandIdif f
er,heissoneat
wheni tcomest owor kandmyofficeisupsidedown.
Ical
l i
tmyor ganizedmess,andI’
vef i
redsomany
peopletryi
ngtoor ganizemy‘
organize’
Ichuckl edtomy selfatthoughtofhowwewer eso
differentandshookmyhead.Iwentt ot hesafeand
punchedi nt hecodeandopenedt hesaf e.Isawhi s
passpor t
s,pr obably10di f
ferentones.Wel lthose
didn’ tf
azemeany mor e,andst acksofcash, but
coul dn’tfi
ndmypasspor tandhadt ot akeoutt he
env elopes.Il ookedt hrought hem onebyoneand
thenst umbl edacr osssomet hi
ngt hatt ookmy
attent i
on.Ifrozeandr eadov erthe2document s
overandov eragai njustt omakesur eIwasseei ng
corr ectl
y.Afterconf irmingmysani t
ywi thaf ew
shot sofwhi skeyIcl osedt hesaf e,takingthe
document sdownst air
swi thme.Igotmyphoneand
hadsev eralmi ssedcal lsfrom Khenan.Ical l
edhi m
back, “
babe, yout ri
edt ocal l
me? ”
Hi
m:Yeah,
didy
ouf
indi
t
Me:
YeahIdi
d,j
ustbooki
ngmyf
li
ght
s.
Hi
m:Whydon’
tyout
aket
hej
et?
Me:
Willy
oubebackbyt
hen?Ineedt
oleav
e
t
omorr
ownight
.
Hi
m:I
’m act
ual
l
yjustaboutt
oleav
e,sowi
l
lbet
her
e
i
n23hours.
Me:
Great
,I’
l
lcancel
thef
li
ght
s..
.
Hi
m:Can’
twai
ttoseey
ou.

*
***
***
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
**

Idi
dn’tev
enbot
hertopack,Icall
edmypi l
otandwe
wouldbeint
heairi
n30mi nutes.Ineededt
oget
home.
Afterthecall
withThandoIwasshocked, Iguess
shedi dn’
tseeanything.ButIhadt ogethomej usti
n
caseshewentbacki ntothesafe.Icall
edKeenanon
thewaybuthedi dn’tpickup…f uck!!Br
eathKhenan,
j
ustf ucki
ngbreath.Ikepttel
li
ngmy sel
f.

*
***
***
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
***
***

Iwenti
ntot
hebedr
oom andIshower
edandgoti
nto
bed.Thet ear sj
ustwoul dn’tcomeandIkeptt hinking
andr epl
ay i
ngshi tinmyheadt ot hepoi ntwher eIf el
l
asleep.Iwokeupal it
tl
eaf ter1am andIwasi n
tearsthatIcoul dn’tstop…Iwal kedt ot hebathroom
andwashedmyf acewhi chdidn’thel p.Iwasshaki ng
andIcoul dn’tbreathepr operly,Ilookedi nt hemi rr
or
andspoket omy selfandcal medmy selfdown…
whenIwasf eel
ingbet terItookashowerand
dressedinpant iesandav estandwentdownst airs
withKhenan’ sdocument sandpl acedt hem ont he
coffeetableint heloungewhi leIheadedi ntothe
kit
chenandmadepi zza.Iat e6sl icedofbr eadwi t
h
egg…Iobv i
ouslywasn’ tgoi ngt oeatt hepizza
any more;Igotabot tleofgi nandI ndiant onicand
forgotaboutal lthef ancygar ni
shes.Iwentout side,I
smokedanddr ankmyal cohol …whent hebot t
lewas
fi
nishedIst umbl edi nsideandgotanewonewi th
mor edashandIdr anksomemor et hencal l
ed
Phume; “I
’m notdoi ngt his…ar ey oudead? ”
Me:
No
Her
:Ar
eyoudy
ing?
Me:
No
Her
:IsKhenandead?
Me:
Hewi
l
lbe.
Her
:Thandot
hefuck,
you’
redunkI’l
ltalkt
oyou
t
omorrowandnoti
nyourdrunkenstate.

IguessIwasapai nt omyf riendsandonl ycalled

whenIwasdr unkandneededhel p.Igotupand
wentt odri
nkwat er,alotofi tandi tsoberedmeupa
bit
.Iwentt oshoweragai nbef orecomi ngdownt o
eatthepizzat hatImadeear li
eron.Iwasf eeli
ng
muchbet terandwast hinki
ngawhol elotclearer
,I
tookKhenan’ sdocument st
ohi sofficeandscanned
them tomyemai l
sbef oreput ti
ngt hem backi nthe
safeanddel etingther ecordoft hescansont he
scanner.Igoti ntobedandIsl ept ,wakingupat7am,
Khenanwoul dbeher einaf ewhour s.Iwentt othe
gymt osweatoutt healcohol andt henpackedaf ew
suitcases,Istraightenedmyhai randdi dmymake
upev endrewmyey ebrowsliket hesegi r
lsdo.I
l
ookedatmy selfinthemi rr
orandt het earsstart
ed
fl
owi ngatthet houghtt hatthiswast hetypeof
womanKhenanwant ed.Iam notaslayqueenand
neverwill
be,Ican’
twalkaroundwithmymakeup
doneev er
ydayanddr awneyebrowsandnailsdone.
Iam amot her
,abusinesswoman, awifeandachef
forcr
yingoutloud.

Itookadeepbr eathandwipedthi
sshitof
fmyf ace
andspr ay
edmyhai rwit
hwat ermaki
ngitfr
izz
beforetyi
ngiti
ntoamessyhi ghbunandmygy m
gear.Icarr
iedt
hebagsdownt hest
air
sbefore
recei
vingacallfr
om Kri
s,“
Thandobadnews. ”
Me:
Pleasedon’
ttel
lmet
het
ri
piscancel
ed.
Her
:Yi
p,sor
ryboo.
Me:
Alr
ight
,thanky
ouhoney
.I’
l
ltal
ktoy
oul
ater
.

Il
etoutasighandlef
tmybagsatthebottom oft
he
stair
sanddrov
eovertoZenon’
shouse.ThewayI
hadneglect
edmyparentsl
atel
ywasbad,ontheway
Idial
edDumi,“
daddy,wher
eareyou?
”
Hi
m:Home…
Me:
Alr
ightwi
l
lbeonmywaysoon.
Hi
m:Youdon’
thav
etocal
lbef
orehand.
Me:Ohhowquickl
yy ouf
orget….Iam scar
edwhatI
’
ll
f
indmymotherdressedl
ikethi
stime,anurse?
Hi
m:Haha…we’
vedonet
hatbef
ore,
wast
hinki
-
Me:
I’
m dr
oppi
ngt
hephone.Wi
l
lseey
oui
nabi
t.

Ididn’tevenwai tf orhimt osayby ebeforecutti

ng
thecal l
,Ipull
eduponZee’ sdri
vewayandhi scar s
wer eparkedint hedr i
v eway.Iwalkedtothedoor
whichwasl ocked; Iknockedacoupl eoftimesand
nothing.Isearchedi nmybagandgott hekeyst hen
openedt hedoor , Iwal kedint
ot hekit
chenandt he
l
oungedi dn’
tfindhi m anywhere,“DAD!”Musicwas
comi ngf r
om theTVr oom soIwal keddownt hehall
andopenedt hedoor ,
“Dadwhatt hehell!
!”Iclosed
thedoorandwal kedt ot hekit
chen,Ipacedaround
theroom bef orehecamei nwearingagown, “honey,
thi
si sani cesurpr ise.”
Me:
Nicesur
pri
se?Ni
cesur
pri
sei
swhensomeone
buysyouchocol
ateoracarortakesy
ouonatri
p.
Butwalki
nginonyourf
atherhavi
ngsex!
!Whatt
he
HELL!
!
Hi
m:You’
remaki
ngabi
gdeal
outofnot
hing.
Me:Shei
s20Dad, andshewor
ksf
orme…i
t’
sa
f
ucki
ngbigdeal
!!

Amandawal kedintotheKit
chenfull
ydressed,and
shebentdownatmyf eetandgrabbedherbr a,
“REALLY!!JUSTGO! !
”SheranoffandZeel aughedat
me, “mxm gowashy ourfi
l
thypackageandget
dressed,
we’regoingout.
”

Helaughedbeforeturningaroundandwalki
ng
upstai
rstogetready.Iopenedhisfri
dgeandfound
Mexicanbeeranddr ank,Isatontheporchwai
ti
ng
forhimtofi
nishwhilehav i
ngacigaret
te.

Hi
m:Doy
ousmokei
nfr
ontofy
ourpar
ent
s?
Me:
Yes,
especi
all
ywhent
heyf
ucky
ounggi
rl
s.
Hi
m:Thandowhyar
ey ouhavi
ngaprobl
em wi
tht
his?
Ci
ndyf
uckedupandI’
ml i
vi
ngmyli
fe.
Me:
Sowhenev
erIf
uckup,
thenKhenanshoul
ddo
t
hesame?
Hi
m:I
t’
sdi
ff
erentbaby
.
Me:Ohf
ucki
t,l
et’
sjustgo…andbr
ingt
hatbeerI
t’
s
l
if
e.

Igotupandwenttothecarwhi lehewenti nsi

deand
camebackwi t
hacrateofMexi canbeer.Wedr ove
toDumiwhilehav
ingrandom conv ersat
ion;Dumi
waswaiti
ngforusintheloungewhenwegott her
e,
“youdi
dn’
ttell
mey ou’
rebringi
nghi m.”
Me:
What
ever
,wher
e’smom?
Hi
m:Vi
sit
ingMbal
i
’spar
ent
sfort
heweek…shewas
‘
bor
ed’

Ilaughedatthatst
atement,“
fi
nelet’sgo.
”My
father
spretendtohateeachothersomuchbutdeep
down…t her
ewassomet hi
ngthere.Igoti
ntot
he
dri
ver’
sseatandtheybot
hgoti
ntotheback,
“come
on,youguysaregoingt
oletmedri
veal
one?”
Dumi
:Rockpaper
,sci
ssor
ssai
dyoul
ose.
Me:
Iwasn’
tev
enpar
toft
hegame.
Zee:Ican’
tdr
ivet
hesef
ancycar
s,andwhati
fthe
copsstopme?
Dumi
:I’
m sol
onel
yIneedt
ocuddl
e.

Heputhi sheadonZenon’sshoulderandZee
respondedbyrubbingandpul l
i
nghischeek,“
I’
m
hereforyoubuddy.”Thenkissedhisf
orehead,I
roll
edmyey esbeforerev
ersingoutoftheyar
dand
droveoff.
Wearri
vedatmyci
viccent
reanditwasal
mostdone,
“
Nothando.
”Dumisai
dshocked,“
babygir
l…what
!!
”
Zenon:
Sot
hisi
swhaty
oudi
dwi
thmymoney
?”

Ever
yonel
aughed,wegotoutthecarandwal
kedt
o
thegat
ewhereTim openedf
orusandwewalkedi
n.
Theywal kedaheadofme, l
i
ket wochil
drenataf ai
r.I
l
aughedandshookmyhead, t
heywer etooadorabl
e;
thatIcouldn’
tdeny.Wetookat ouroftheareaandI
tol
dt hem whatwasleftt
obedoneandt heywere
i
mpr essed,“well
Iguessthi
swasn’ tmoneywasted.”
Dumi sai
dproudly
.
Zee:
Weshoul
dhav
easkedf
oracutbef
orei
nvest
ing.
Dumi:Sheknowssheowesmef oral
lthesegr
ey
hai
rs.Toobadyouweren’
tar
oundyougetnothi
ng.

Zenonchasedhi m aroundt hepropertywhil

eIspoke
tothef or
emanaboutaf ewt hi
ngs.Thet imeIwas
donet heywer ehuffi
ngandpuf fi
ngnextt othecar.I
openedupandZenonsati nthefrontandDumi in
theback, “heneedsy ou,he’slonel
y .
”Isaidlaughi
ng,
theydidn’tlaugh,
“Ohcomeonguy s,thatwasagood
one!”Icoul dseeDumi roll
inghisey esintheback
seat.
Me:
Niy
abhor
ashame.
..si
zot
yaphi
?
Zenonlookedatmeconf
used,
“sundi
j
onga,
buza
aphakuchomiwakhobandi
thi
ni.
”
Dumi:Hayi
,ayi
ngochomiwam, ngutat
awakhol
o.
Jonganjeezi
nwelezakhozi
fananjani
nezal
omlungu…suthet
hanam.
Me:
HeeKal
okuunomonangoku?
Dumi:Uhl
eliphay
anawengoku,
sot
het
hanay
e.
khawundi
yekatu!
Me:Woahhay ishame,oneminutenihappynext
minut
eseningxamil
e!!Hay
iandinal
oixeshalokudl
ala
nanimna.

Itur
nedtolookedt
oZenon,
“suesposa?
”(Yourwi
fe?
)
Isai
dlaughing.
Zenon:
Elest
aloco(
he’
scr
azy
)
Me:
Quepasó(
whathappened)
Zenon:
Noqui
erohabl
ardeel
.l
o(Idon’
twantt
otal
k
abouti
t)
Me:
Bueno(
okay
)
Zenon:
TengoHambr
e(I
’
m hungr
y)

Thesei diot
s, Idroveforawhi l
eti
llIspot
tedasmal l
Ital
i
anr estaurantandIpar kedandwewenti nsi
de
andt hewai tertookourdr i
nksorder.Whenhecame
backwi ththedr inksmyf ather
swer eoverthei
r
tantr
ums, “
sowhydi dyoucal l
usouther e?
”Dumi
askedsi ppinghi sbeer.
Me:Nothi
ng,
justwant
edt
oshowy
out
heci
vi
c
cent
er.
Hi
m:Baby
,I’
veknowny
ouf
ory
ourwhol
eli
fe…out
wi
thi
t!
!

It
ookasipofmybeerandl
ookedatthem,
theywere
st
ari
ngbackatme,
“Khenani
scheati
ngonmewi t
h
hi
ssecr
etar
y.”
Them:
WHAT?
?
Zenon:
I’
m goi
ngt
oki
l
lthatf
ucker
.
Dumi
:Noti
fIgett
ohi
mfi
rst
,let
’sgo.
Me:
Sitdown,
bot
hofy
ou!

Theylookedatme, “Thando,babyarey
ougoingto
acceptthi
s?”Ifaceddownandt hetear
sstar
ted
str
eamingdownmyf ace,
“Baby,whati
sit
?”Dumi
askedconcerned.
Me:Ican’
tgi
vehi
mthebabyhewant
s;hehast
oget
i
tfr
om somewher
eelse.
Zenon:
Wai
thehasachi
l
dwi
tht
hiswoman?
Me:
Chi
l
dren.

Zenongotupfrom hi
sseatandgrabbedthecarkeys
andlef
t,“
Zee.
”IgotIandfol
lowedhim,“Dadplease
l
ist
entome.”
Zee:
List
ent
owhat
?TowhatThando?
Me:
Justcal
m downwi
l
lyou?

Dumi f
oll
owedusaf
terleavi
ngmoneyforourdri
nks,
“Guy
s!Canyouguyspleasecal
m down,you’
regoi
ng
todrawat tent
iontous.”Iopenedthedoorandsatin
thebackseatl ocki
ngbot hdoors,t
heywere
supposedt ohelpmef i
gureouthowtohandlet
his
andnotwantt omur dermyhusband.Theygoti
nthe
frontanddr oveoff
,nobodyspokei nt
hecarandmy
phoner ang,“Mom…”
Her
:Heyhoney
,hav
eyouseeny
ourf
ather
?
Me:
Yeahhol
d.
Her
:NoIwil
ltal
ktohi
mlat
erj
ustcoul
dn’
treachhi
m.
Tel
lhi
mI’
m home.
Me:
We’
reont
heway
.
Her
:Isev
ery
thi
ngokay
?
Me:
I’
ll
tal
ktoy
ouwhenIgett
her
e.
Her
:Okbaby
.

Wegott hereandmom hadpr eparedali

ghtlunchfor
usandnobodyt ouchedtheirfood,“any
onewantt o
tel
lmewhat ’sgoi
ngonher e?”it’
salmostli
keDumi
andZenonwer ewaiti
ngfort hemomentt oanswer
thatquest
iontheyshout
edov ereachothert
elli
ng
herwhathappenedandwhatt
heyar
egoi
ngt
odot
o
Khenanwhentheyseehi
m.
Mom:
Shutupbot
hofy
ou,
wil
lyou?
Dumi
:Baby
?
Mom:
Arey
ouKhenan’
swi
fe?
Dumi
:No
Mom:
You?
Zenon:
No.
Mom:Great
,nowleav
emewi thmydaught erandif
any
thi
nghappenstomydaughter
’shusbandy ou
bot
hwill
besorry
.

ZenonandDumi gotupf r
om thei
rseats,
leav i
ngme
withmymot herwhocamet ositnexttome.She
heldmei nherar ms,“whathappenedbaby ?”I
start
edcr y
ingagain,hardthi
st i
meandshej ust
rubbedmybackl etti
ngmet akeital
lout,“
it
’salright
baby…i twil
lbealri
ght.”Aft
ersomet imeIcal med
down, shegotmet eaandsatwi t
hhercupwai t
ing
formet oexplainwhathappened, “t
odayKhenan
askedmet ogoi ntot heoffi
ceandat tendameet i
ng
becausehei soutoftown.WhenIgott here,t
here
wasnomeet i
ng.Ifoundhi srecepti
onistonhi sdesk,
i
nherl ingeri
e;I’
m guessingshewast ryingtoseduce
him.Wel lthat’
swhatIt houghtatf i
rst
,butwhenIgot
homeIwenti ntothesaf elookingformypasspor t.
Andt hat’
swhenIsawt hatMar thawasn’ tt
ryi
ngto
seducemyhusband; shewast hemot herofhi s
chil
dren.”
Mom:
Sor
ry?
Me:Thebi
rt
hcer
tif
icat
es.Hemusthav
ef or
gott
en
t
heywerei
nthesafewhenhegavemet hepi
n.

Ididagoodjobathol
dingbackmyt
ear
s,j
ustone
escaped,
“howdoesthi
smakey ouf
eel
?”
Me:
Tor
n.
Her
:Tor
n?
ME: I
’m pi
ssedoffthathecheat
edonme; Iwantto
fucki
ngmur derhi
m andchophisdickoff.ButIcan’
t
givehi
mt hechil
dthatheneeds,thatmakesmef eel
l
i
keIf
ail
edhi
m asawi
fe.
Her:Thi
sisnotony ou,soblamingyour
selff
orhis
fuckupisnoton.Youdi dn’
tsendhimtogost i
ckhis
dicki
nher.Hemadeachoi ce,andhebrokethe
vowshemadet oy ou,hiswif
e.That’
sal
l onhim!!

Inoddedabi tbecauseshewasr i
ghtbutIcan’thelp
butfeelli
keIhav eapar tinthi
sandt hatIhavefail
ed
hi
m asawi fe.Shepickedupmyf acewi t
hherhands,
makingmel ookather,“list
en,Iwil
lnottell
youto
staywiththisman.Buty oudidstandinfrontofGod
andpromi sedt hatonl
ydeat hwill
doy oupart.Men
cheat,t
heyal way shaveandt heyalwayswill
…all
men.”
Me:
Butdaddyhasnev
ercheat
edony
ou.
Her:Ohhoney,i
fonlyyouknewwhatIwentthr
ough
wit
hy ourf
ather
.Ifi
twasn’tf
ort
hebull
etIputi
nhim,
he’
dst i
l
lberunni
ngaround.
Me:
youshotdad?
Her
:whydoy
out
hinkhel
i
mps?Ha…
Me:
Whatmadey
oust
ay?
Her:Lov e…helovesmewi thallhi
sheartandIlove
hi
m.Hepr omisedtostop,andhedi d,
butitwas
di
ff
er entbecauseallhi
sbitchesdidn’
tmean
anyt
hi ngandhenev ergotanyofthem pregnant.
Me:
WhatmustIdomom?
Her:LikeIsaidIcannottel
lyou…youneedtoask
yourselfhowmuchy oulovethi
smanandi fi
tis
enought ostay,
andisitenoughtolov
ehisoff
spri
ng?
Becausey oucannotforgiv
ehim andsti
l
lhat
ehis
chi
ldren.
Me:
Idon’
tknow.
Her:
Youdon’thavet odeci
denow,t
hegoodthi
ngis
t
hattheballi
sinyourcourtandy
ougettodeci
de
whathappensfrom hereon.

Il
etoutasighandhuggedher
,“Ibet
terheadhome.I
havealott
othinkabout
.”
Her:
gocleanupyourf
ace,
andI
’
llgett
hoset
wo
i
diot
stodri
veyouhome.
Shechuckl
edandhuggedmeagain,
Iwenttot
he
bathr
oom andwashedmyfaceandwhenIwasdone
Dumi waswait
ingt
otakemehomeandZeehadleft
al
ready.
Dumi dr
oppedmeof fathomeandIwenti nsi
deand
foundKhenansitti
ngi nt
helounge.Hegotupthe
minuteIwalkedin,“hey.
”Igavehim af
aintsmil
eand
greet
edhim back,“hi…howwasy ourtr
ip?”
Hi
m:Sameol
dshi
t,y
ourmeet
ing?
Me:
Therewasnomeet
ing.It
hinky
ouneedt
ofi
re
Mar
tha.
Heswal l
owedhar dandlookedatme, “why ?”she
hadtoldhim aboutwhathappenedandhewas
acti
ngdumbwi t
hme.Notonl ydidIwantherf i
red
becauseofthestuntshepulled,butbecauseshe
motheredhischil
dren.Andmay beal i
tt
lebitthatshe
wasy oungerandmor ebeautif
ulthanme, Ididn’t
wantheraround.
Me:
Askhery
our
sel
f,what
’sf
orsupper
?
Hi
m: Iwast
ir
edanddi
dn’
tmakeany
thi
ng;
Iwas
t
hinki
ngmaybewecoul
dgoout?
ME:Nope,noti
nthemood.Letmegetcleanand
t
henwil
lcomemakesomet hi
ngforus.

Khenandidn’
tknowhowt oactinfrontofme, he
knewIknewsomet hingbutobvi
ousl ywasn’tsureof
howmuchIknewandhecoul dn’taskme.Iwentand
showeredandcamedownt othekitchen,Khenan
wasalreadystar
tedonsupperandhehandedmea
glassofwhit
ewi ne,Isatonthestool.
Me:
Isai
dI’
dcook.
Hi
m: Youlookl
i
key
ouhadahor
ri
bleday
,wantt
o
t
alkaboutit
?
Me:
Fami
l
yst
uff
.
Hi
m:Ouch.
Me:
Wel
li
t’
snotl
i
key
out
ell
meev
ery
thi
ng…
Hi
m:Thandowhatar
eyouonabout
?
Me:
Not
hing,
goi
ngt
osmoke.
Il
efthi
mi ntheki
tchenandwentt osmokeout si
de…
Khenandidn’
tfol
l
owmeandIdi dn’
twanthimto.We
hadsupperinawkwardsi l
enceandIsleptwi
thmy
backtohi
m, hedidn’
tsleepmuch.Iheardhim
paci
ngtheroom,Ifell
asleep,“Thando.
”
Me:
Hmm.
Hi
m:Ineedt
otal
ktoy
ou.
Me:
Hmm.

Heletmebe; whenIwokeuphewasn’ tthere.Itook

ashowerandheadeddownst ai
rs,t
hehousewas
empty.Atleastthekidswoul dbebacktomor row,I
madebr eakfastandsatont heporchwonder i
ngi f
Khenanwasgoi ngtoconfesslastni
ght.Icall
edhi s
off
iceandanunf amili
arvoi
ceanswered,“Hi,uhm
canIspeakt oMar tha?”
Him:Sorr
yma’
am butMar
thadoesn’
twor
kher
e
anymore.
Me:
Shedoesn’
t,
sincewhen?
Hi
m:Si
ncet
hismor
ning.
Me:
Alr
ight
,thanks.
[
11/
23,
17:
28]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode103

Icutthecall,andthoughtt omy self

…Iwentt oget
dressedandheadedov ertoMar t
ha’shouse.She
l
ivedinani cehome, acut eli
tt
ledoubl estoryandI
don’tknowhowsheaf fordeditonar eceptionist
salary
.Iparkedmycarandwal kedt hrought hegate
thatwasn’tlocked;Iwal kedtot hefrontdoorand
rangthebel l
.Andtomysur pri
se, Kali
saopenedt he
door.Myhear tj
umpedi nt omyt hroatandIhada
l
ump, “
Kal
isawhatar eyoudoi ngher e? ”Shewas
shockedtoseeme, butst i
ll
hadaspi tefull
ookon
herface,“
I’m heretoseemygr andchildren.Whatar
-”

Idi
dn’
twaitforhertofini
shhersent
enceandI
tur
nedaroundandwal kedaway,whatwasthe
meaningofthi
s?Igott omycarandspedoff,
aft
er
10minutesofdri
vingIparkedonthesi
deoftheroad
andscreamedmyl ungsoutwithtearsrunni
ngdown
mycheeks, Iwasbangingsohar dont hehooter
.Ilet
outonelastwaleandIwasi nterr
uptedbysomeone
knocki
ngonmywi ndow, Iwi
pedt hetearsofmyf ace
andgatheredmy self
;andopenedt hewindow.

Hi
m:Ma’
am ar
eyouok?
Me:
Yes,
I’
mfi
net
hanky
ou.
Hi
m:Youdon’
tlooki
t,doy
oust
ayar
oundher
e?

Ishookmyhead, “wil
lyoubeokayt odr ive? ”I
nodded, “
okt hen.”Hewal kedtohi scarandgoti n,
I
start
edmycaragai nandhest artedaf termeandhe
drovebehindme.I fIwasokIwoul dhav et hought
thiswaswei r
d,butIfeltsafeactually.Hef oll
owed
met il
lIgott omyhouseanddr ovei n,hehoot edat
meandt henhedr oveoff.IgothomeandIwasa
totalmess, Itookashowerandchangedi nto
j
ogger sandav estIwentdownst ai r
sandcal l
edmy
l
awy erwhi l
eIwasopeni ngabot tleofwi neand
scannedt hef ri
dgeforanyf ood.Af tertakingt omy
l
awy erandeat i
ng; Iwentupst ai
rst opack.Iput
Bey oncé-Resent mentonl oudandst art
edf olding
andpacki ngwhi l
esi ppi ngonmywi ne,afteracoupl e
ofhour sIwasdoneandIt ookdownt hesui tcases
onebyoneandl eftt hem i nt helounge.I twasso
muchst uff
,goshIwast i
red; afterthatIcal ledt he
kidsandspoket ot hem andAbebi .Sheseemed
happyandt hepr egnancywast reatingherwel l
,they
woul dlandt omor r
owaf ter noon.Myl awy ercameby
withmydocument s, wesatdownont hedi ningr oom
tableandsher eadev erythingandexpl ai
nedt he
terms.Iagr eeandhel dt hepeni nmyhand,
“Not hando,arey ousur ey ouwantt odot his?”It ook
adeepbr eathanddi dn’tanswerher ;Ijustinitial
ed
allpagesandsi gnedont hel astpage.Shedi dn’tsay
any t
hingandshej ustl eft,Iwasl eftont hedi ning
room t abl
eal onewi thmyt hought s…myhear twas
beat i
ngoutofmychestandasi nglet earescaped.I
putt hedocument si nabr ownenv elope, Iwr ote
Khenan’ snameoni tandputi tont hesui tcases.

Iwentupst
air
sandpackedanov
erni
ghtbagand
drovetomyoldhouse.Iplacedmybagsi nthe
bedroom andwentdownstair
st ocal
lMbali
and
Phumet ocomeov ert
onight,andsur
pri
si
nglythe
agreed.
Icouldn’tsitcoopedupal oneIwasgoi ngtogo
crazy.Iheadedbackoutt ogetst uf
ftocook,seeing
thatmyf r
idgewasempt y
.Igotbackapr epar
ed
drinki
ngwi neandsi ngi
ngwi t
ht hemusi confull
blast.Iwasdanci nginthekit
chenwhent hebuzzer
wentof f.Ilett
hegi r
lsi
n,“whyar en’
tweaty our
house? ”Mbal iaskedasshet ookasi pofmywi ne.
Me:
Butt
hisi
smyhouse.
Phume:
Youknowwhatshemeans,
don’
tbeabi
tch.
Me:Hel
pmewi
tht
hisf
oodandI
’
llexpl
aint
oyou
guy
s.

Wesetupint
heloungeandst
art
edeatingand
dri
nki
ngandt
alki
ngaboutr
andom st
uffunti
lMbal
i
remember
edagai
n,“Soweareher
ebecause?”
It
ookadeepbr
eat
h,“
I’
m di
vor
cingKhenan.
”They
bot
hlookedatmeshocked.
Phume:
What
?
Mbal
i
:St
opf
ucki
ngar
ound.Whathappened?
Me:
Hecheat
ed.
Mbal
i
:No…notKhenan…Thando,
whathappened?
Phume:
That
’swheny
oucal
l
edmedr
unk?

Inodded,“
butThando,
ithasn’
tevenbeenaweek.
Youcan’tmakesucharashdecisi
on.
”
Me:
It’
shi
srecept
ioni
st.
Mbal
i
:What
?Thatski
nnyl
i
ttl
ebi
tch?
Me:
Yeah.
Phume:
Howdi
dyouf
inout
?
Me:
Isawt
hechi
l
dren’
sbi
rt
hcer
ti
fi
cat
e.
Mbal
i
:Di
dyouj
ustsayChi
l
dren?
Phume:
Aret
heyev
enhi
s?
Me:
Ther
ear
epat
erni
tyt
est
s,t
wins…shewat
ched
mewal ki
ngi
ntohi
soffi
ceever
ynowandagai n,and
shewasatourwedding.Itr
ust
edherwhent hey
wereawayonhol i
day…I’
m sostupi
d.Ibeli
evedhe
wasi nlovewi
thme,buthemadeanot herwoman
pregnant…heshar
edtheonethingI’
vebeenl ongi
ng
for,WITHHER!!

Theycamet ohugmeandIsati
nthei
rarmscry
ing,
“sshhhbaby
, i
t’
sgoi
ngt
obealri
ght
.”Mbali
sai
d
rubbingmyback.
Phume:
Ihopey
oudi
dn’
tgoconf
ronther
?

Theybothletgoofmeandl ookedatmeshocked
andhopingI’
ddenyit
,“Iwenttoherhouse.
”Mbal
i
stoodup,“
NOmanThando. ”
Me:
Idi
dn’
tspeakt
oher
.
Phume:
Thenwhatwer
eyoudoi
ngt
her
e?
Me: Idon’tknow…whenIknockedonthedoorKal
isa
openedt hedoorandsai
dshewast her
evisi
ti
ngher
grandchil
dren.
Mbal
i
:Kal
i
sa,
theeKal
i
sa?

Inodded,
“andwhatdoesKhenanhav
etosayabout
al
lofthi
s?”Ishr
ugged.
Phume:
Hedoesn’
tknowt
haty
ou’
redi
vor
cinghi
m?
Ishookmyhead,“andhowf
arar
eyouwi
tht
he
div
orcepr
ocess?
”
Me:Il
eftt
hedi
vorcepaper
sonhi
ssui
tcases,
he’
l
l
gett
hem t
oni
ght.
Phume:
Thando,y
ouneedt
otal
ktohi
m andhearhi
s
si
deoft
hestor
y.
Mbal
i
:Whatsi
deoft
hest
ory
?
Phume:
Wedon’
tknowwhathappenedher
e.
Mbali
:Yeswedo,Khenanf
uckedt
hatski
nnybi
tch
andshefel
lpr
egnantf
orhi
m.
Phume:
May
bet
hat
’snothowi
thappened.
Mbali
:Please,
humorme.Howcoul
dithav
e
happened?
Phume:
Youknowal
ltheshi
tthesewhor
eswi
l
ldot
o
tr
apaman.

Mbali
turnedar
oundt
ofaceme,
“howol
dar
ethe
t
wins?”
Me:
notsur
e,may
beal
most2.
Mbali
:Phumewhatexpl
anat
ioni
sther
etot
his
f
uckery?
Me:I
’v
emadeupmymi nd;
I’
m goi
ngthr
oughwi
thi
s.
AndPhumeIneedagoodf
amil
ylawy
er.
Phume:
Fami
l
ylawy
er?
Me:
I’
mtaki
ngmyki
ds.
Mbal
i
:Thando,
you’
rej
ustangr
y.
Me: YesIam angry,I
’
m hurtandIam mad.Butt his
i
snotr evengeonhim.Ilovethosechil
drenandthey
l
ovemet oo…Iwill
notallowforthem t
ol i
vewith
anotherwomanorgetshi ppedof ft
oaboar di
ng
schoolbecausethei
rfat
herist oobusytotakecare
ofthem.Nopenotonmywat ch!!
Mbal
i
:Thandopl
easet
hinkaboutt
hiscar
eful
l
y.
Me:
Phumewi
l
lyouhel
pme?
Phume:
I’
ll
recommendaf
ewf
ory
out
omor
row.

Mbaligav
eherethel
ook,“don’
tlookatmeli
kethat
…
t
hosechildr
enneedamother.Agoodone.”Mbali
j
ustshookherheadatPhume.
Mbali
:Ist
il
lthi
nkyouneedtoreconsi
der…thi
nk
abouti
tandtal
ktohim.May beyouguyscancome
toacompromise,
don’tbeself
ishandbi
tter
.
Me:Justl
i
kehecompromisedkeepi
ngt
hissecr
et
f
rom meright
?Mbal
ipl
ease…

Sheletoutasi ghandgotupandwal kedtothe

bathroom, Il
ookedatPhumewhoj ustshruggedher
shoulders,“you’r
egoingtobefinemyf r
iend.
”We
didn’
ttalkbutjuststart
edattheTV,themov i
ewas
playi
ngal ongandnoneofusknewwhatwas
happening, t
hiswasawkwar d.Unti
lMbalideci
ded
shemi ssedherf amilyandt
heygotanUberand
headedhome.

Iwasleftal
one,Icl
eanedupabi tandlockedal lt
he
doorsandwentupt omyr oom andsl ept.Iwas
wokenupbyal oudbangingonmydoor ,IthoughtI
wasdreamingbutitwasper si
stent,Iputonmy
gownandwal keddownstair
s.Itwas3am, Iopened
thedoorandKhenanstoodi nfrontofmepi ssed
drunk,
helookedatmeandwal kedpassmeandi nt
o
myhouse.
Ifol
l
owedhi m,“
whatareyoudoinghere?
”Hesat
downont hecouchandputtheenvel
opeonthe
coff
eetable,
“Whatthef
uckisthemeaningoft
his
Thando?”
Me:
Khenan,
getoutofmyhousepl
ease
Hi
m:Thando,thisi
sbul
l
shi
t…y
oucan’
trunaway
f
rom y
ourproblems.
Me:
Mypr
obl
em?
Hi
m:ThandoI
’
m sor
ry.
Il
aughedoutl
oud,
“You’
resor
ry?
”hel
ower
edhi
s
v
oice,
“babyl
et’
stal
kaboutt
his.
”
Me:Nowy ouwantt otal
k?Youcoul
dn’ttal
kwhen
youstuckyourpenisi
nherfucki
ngvaginawit
houta
condom?Youcoul dn’
ttal
kthen?
Hi
m:Thandopl
ease.
Me: Youcoul dn’ttalkwhenshet oldyoushewas
pregnant?Youcoul dn’tt
alkwheny ouboughthert he
cutelit
tl
ehouseshei sstayingin?Youcoul dn’
ttal
k
whenshegav ebirthtotwins?Youcoul dn’ttal
kwhen
yout ol
dKal i
sashehasgr andchil
dren?Yousawme
sufferi
ngaf t
erIlostmybaby ,Imiscarr
iedandy ou
hady ourfami l
y…Khenany ouhav ehadsomany
oppor t
unit
iest otalk…nowt hatIfi
ledfordivor
cey ou
wantt otal
k.

Khenanstoopupandt oweredovermeandclenched
hi
sjaw,“ThandoIl oveyouandIwill
notacceptthi
s
bul
lshi
t.
”Hepi ckedupt heenvel
opeandtoreiti
nto
pi
eces,“don’
tdot histous!
!”
Me:THEREI
SNOUS!!!YOUDI
DTHI
S…THI
SISALL
YOURFAULT,YOUKI
LLEDUS…WEARENOMORE!
!
Itstar
tedagai
n,Icoul
dn’
tbreath,
andt het
earswere
j
ustst r
eamingdownmyf ace…Ikneltdownandhe
kneltdownnexttomeandIwast r
yingtocont
rol
my sel
f,“DON’
TTOUCHME! !LEAVE!!
!!
!!
”

*
***
***
***
***
***
***Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
*

Isawt hehur tandhat redinThando’sey esasshe

pointedt othedoorscr eami ngformet ol eave.I
couldn’ tleaveherlikethat;Iwentclosert oher,
“KHENANGETTHEFUCKOUT! !
”Shescr eamed
again,herbr eathi
ngwasbet terbutherey eswer e
bloodshotr ed…shesl i
dacr ossthefloor,“Khenan
l
eav e.”Herv oicewassof t,
“Thando, babypl ease…”
shewasget tingfurtherandf urt
herawayf r
om me
andIgotupandwal kedtowar dsher,“Thando, we
canwor kthisout.
”Thandogotupandt urnedar ound
tofaceme, shehadaguni nherhand, “KhenanIsai d
l
eav e.”Shewascal m andangr y…Iwasscar edofher ,
“Thandoy oucan’talwayspul loutagunwh- ”
Thando:Iwi
l
lsendthepaperstoJames;Iwantt
hem
signedi
n48hour
s.Youbetterbeoutofmyhousein
thesamenumberofhours.
Me:
Babypl
ease.

Sheshotnexttomeandt hebul
l
ethitt
hemi r
rorand
i
tshutter
edint
opieces.Myhear
tfr
oze,“whatthe
hel
l!
!”
Her
:LEAVE!
!!
!

Itur
nedaroundandwal kedoutdefeated,Iwas
shaki
ngnotbecausesheal mostshotmebut
becauseIhadlosttheonl yl
oveofmyl i
fe!
!Isatin
mycarcrying,
Ididn’tknowhowIl etthisshithappen
orevenhowIwasgoi ngt ost
artt
ocl eanupt hi
s
mess.

Idr
ovebackt
othehouse;It
ookallt
hesuit
cases
i
ntomycaranddr
ovetothehotel
penthouse.
[
11/
23,
17:
28]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode104
*
***
***
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
***

Twoday slaterIwokeupst il
lfeelinglikeshitand
wenttot hehouse.Ihadn’ tseent heki dsinf or
ev er
andIwasexci t
edt ospendt i
mewi t
ht hem.
Unfort
unat elyIhadt owai tunti
ltheendoft heday
becauset heyhadschool .Igotther east heywer e
havi
ngbr eakfast,alotofhugsandl ov ewasshar ed
andIgotsomegi fts.Iwentupst airstochangei nto
bl
ackt hickleggingsandabl ackt eeshi rtwithal ong
bl
ackbl azerwi thcombatboot s,andputonahat
andwentdown.Idr ovet hekidst oschool andthen
headedt oJames’ off
ice, hi
srecept i
oni stsaidhei s
busy,“j
ustt ellhi
mi t
’sme.Ij ustneedt opi ckupone
document .
”Shehesi tated,andIwal kedpassherand
str
aighttohi sof f
ice.Iopenedt hedoorandhewas
wit
hsomemanwhol ookedabi tf ami l
iar,
butI
wasn’ther eforthat ,“
James. ”
Hi
m:Thando,
cli
ent
!
Me:
Sor
ryt
oint
err
uptsi
r,Ij
ustneedt
opi
ckupone
t
hing.

Themannodded,
andIt
urnedtoJames,“
canIget
whatIcamef
orandl
eave?”hel
etoutasi
gh…
Hi
m:Weneedt
odi
scussaf
ewt
hings.
Me:
Isi
tsi
gnedornot
?
Hi
m:Noty
et.Buth-

Itur nedonmyheel andwalkedoutofthere.WhenI

l
ef tJame’ soff
iceIwasf umingbecauseImadei t
clearIwantadi v
or ceandhewasdr aggi
ngt hi
son
fornor eason.Ispedof ftoKhenan’
sof f
icehopef
ull
y
bef oreJamesgotachancet oevenwar nme, Imet
hisnewr ecept
ionistandhewassogay ,“i
shein?
”
Hi
m:Hei
sinameet
ing.
Me:
Trustme,
hewi
l
lwantt
oseeme.
Hi
m:Whoshoul
dIsayi
saski
ng?
ME:
Hiswi
fe.
Hepickedupthephoneandconfir
medIcoul
dcome
i
n,Iwalkedthr
oughthepassageandf
oundhim
sayi
nggoodbyetotwowhitemenhewashav i
nga
meeti
ngwi t
h.
Hi
m:Thando,
whatani
cesur
pri
se.
Me:Iti
s…packy ourshi
tandgetoutofmyof
fi
ce…
outofmybuil
ding!!
Hi
m:Thandoy
ouar
ecr
azy
…
Me: YesIam,Iwasbeingreasonablebutyouare
beingabitchabouti
t.Nowpacky ourbel
ongings
andgetoutbeforeIgetsecur
it
yandembar r
ass
you…

Iwal
kedawayandhecalledaft
erme,Ii
gnoredme
andhechasedmer i
ghti
ntotheel
evat
or,
“Thando
notmybusiness.
”
Me:
Your
s?Pl
ease…
Hegr abbedmei ntoakissandIbi thislipsohard
thatIfel
tawar ml i
quidinmymout h.Iwipedmyl i
ps
andfoundhi sbloodandIl i
ckedther estoffmyli
ps.
Hesuckedonhi sli
pandt heelevatoropenedandI
walkedout ,
“You’r
ecrazy.”Itur
nedar oundand
walkedbackt otheelevator
,“youaintseennot hi
ng
yet.
”Ikissedhischeekandt urnedandl eftthe
buil
ding.

Icalledthelocksmi t
htomeetmeatt hehotel
…I
knewKhenanhadmov edtothepent house,Igot
therebef or
ehi m andaskedoneoft heguy stopack
histhingsintomycarwhi lethelocksmi t
hwas
wor king.Goodt hi
ngIboughtthebigcarand
every t
hingfit
tedin;whenthelocksmi thwasdoneI
signedt heinvoiceandheadedout .
Whatabusyday ,t
hisboydoesn’ tknowme…Idr ove
toMar tha’
shouseandluckilyshewassi tti
ngonthe
porchoft hehouseandagai nthatbitchKali
sawas
there.Shewascr y
ingoverKhensani notsolongago
andnowt hi
s,whatwentwr ong?Justt othi
nkthat
weusedt obesoclose.Ihootedatt hegate,wavi
ng
myhandoutt hewi ndowandIt hinkMar thaisaf r
aid
ofmehenceshedi dn’thesi t
ateopeni ngup, Iparked
asclosetot
hem aspossi bleandgotout .I
’dditched
thehatandtheblaz er
, all
t hi
srunni ngaroundwas
makingmehot .Iwav edatt hem sar cast
ical
ly,“
hey
l
adies…ohMar thacomegi vemeahanddear …
Khenanaskedmet obr inghi sstuffov er
.”They
l
ookedatmeconf used.
Kal
i
sa:
Thandowhatar
eyoudoi
ng?
Shewasnowatt hecar,
“ar
ey ouMar t
ha?Ar eyou
themot herofKhenan’schi
ldren?
”shedi dn’
tsay
anythi
ng,“thoughtso,Mart
hagety ourcutebehind
overhere.”Iunloadedt
hecarandMar t
hawas
helpi
ngme, butshewasoffloadi
ngfrom theboot
whileIwaswor ki
ngonthebackseat .
Martha:
Thando,
what
’sgoi
ngon?(
sheaskedme
ner
vously)
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
Mar
tha:
Whydi
dKhenansaybr
ingt
hisst
uffher
e?
Me:Thi
siswhaty
ouwantedright
?Youthoughtwe
wer
eoversoyoucanhav
ey ourli
tt
lef
amil
y.Well
yourwi
shhasbeengr
ant
ed;
youcanhav
ehi
m and
beahappyfami
ly.
Mar
tha:
That
’snotwhatIwant
ed.

IstoppedwhatIwasdoi nganddr oppedt hesuitcase

ont hef l
oor,“whatdidy ouwant ?Nowy ou’r
ejust
conf usingme. ”Igaveheraconf usedlookwi t
hmy
eyesopen.Shel ookedatherf eet,“
nothing.
”She
mumbl ed,“Youwant ednot hing?Idon’tunderstand,
buty ouf uckedhim wi t
houtacondom andcar ried
hisbabi esfor9mont hsandy ousayy oudidn’
twant
anythi ng?Honeyy oushoul dhav ethoughtaboutt his
caref ull
y …Iguessy oucan’ tdoany thi
ngabouti t
now…y ou’restuckwit hhim.”
Shedidn’
trespond,“
You’
reacrazybi
tchThando.
”
Kal
isasai
dbef orest
ormi
ngint
ot hehouse.
Me: Andyouhavesuchawonder
ful
mot
heri
nlaw,
yourdreamscametrue.
Her
:Thandopl
ease.
Me:
Ohshi
t,Ial
mostf
orgot
.
Isaidthatt otal
lyignor i
ngher ,Ireachedintothe
cubbyandgotoutabr ownpaperbagandgav eitt
o
her.Shedi dn’topeni t,“comeonnowdon’ tbeshy …
thatisthef ini
shingtoucht othiswhol et
hing, go
aheadandopeni t
.”Sheopenedt hebagandl ooked
upatme, andshest ar t
edcr yi
ng, “Iwasassumi nghe
hasn’tgotteny ouoneoft hose,soIf i
gur
edI ’dhelp
youst ar
ty ourcol l
ection.”Itwasev er
yri
ngt hat
Khenanhadgot tenforme, hepr oposedsomany
ti
mes, andt hef i
rstringhegotmeaf t
erwehad
reuni
ted.“Thandopl ease…”
Me:I’
m nott
aki
ngnof orananswer
,Ii
nsi
st,
they
bel
ongtoyoualongwithhi
m.Igottogonow,tel
l
Kal
isaIsai
dbye,I
’l
lseeherar
ound.

Iclosedallthedoorstothecarandgotin,Iturned
thecararoundandIsawKhenanst ormingintothe
yardshoutingmyname, hi
sli
pwasswol len…I
i
gnor edhi
m anddr oveoffalmostknocki
nghi m over
,
her anaft
ermycar ,butobvi
ouslycoul
dn’tcatchup.
IheadedhomeandIwast hereint
imetheyhadjust
fi
nishedr
eprogrammingthegateandchangingthe
l
ockst ot
hehouse.Iwashandedmynewkey sand
wentinsi
defindi
ngAbebirelaxi
ngint
helounge,“hey
mummy .
”Shesmi l
edandwasl ooki
ngti
red,“
what ’
s
goingonThando?”
Me:
Wit
h?
Her
:Changi
ngoft
hel
ocksandal
l
.
Me:
Iwantt
okeeppeopl
ewhodon’
tbel
ongher
eout
.
Her
:YoumeanKhenan?
Me:
10poi
ntst
oyou.

Sheletoutasi gh,“
whathappenednow? ”Ir
oll
edmy
eyes,“Keenandidn’
ttell
y ou? ”sheshookherhead,
“hefuckedsomewhor eandgotherpr egnantand
I’
m done.”Istoodthereshr uggingmyshoulders,
“what?”Iheardasmal lvoicebehi ndmeandt henhe
ranofftohisroom.
Me:
Fuck,
youcoul
dn’
ttel
lmet
heki
dsar
ehome?
Her
:Hehadahal
fdaybecauset
her
ewasnowat
er
att
hei
rschool
.SoIj
ustf
etchedt
hem bot
h.
Me:
FuckAbebi
.

Iwalkedi
ntoLakhiwe’
sroom andhewasonhi sbed
facedown,Icoul
dhearhim sobbi
ng.Isatonhi
sbed
andrubbedhisback,“
Lakhicanwetalk?”
Hi
m:t
her
eisnot
hingt
osay
,youcanl
eav
etoo.
Me:
Leav
eli
kewhom?
Hi
m: Khensani
lef
tbecauseofy
ou,
nowy
ouwi
l
l
l
eavebecauseofhisnewgir
l
Me:
Hey
!!Si
tupandl
ookatme.
Heshookhishead,“Lakhi
wel ookatme!”hesatup
wipi
nghisface,“
buddy,haveIeverlety
oudown? ”he
shookhishead,“
thenwhydoy outhi
nkIwil
lst
art
now?”heshrugged,“
I’
m scaredy ouwil
lgoandthen
wewillgotoboardi
ngschool again.
”
Me: Iwouldneverletthathappen!BabyIlov
ey ou
andy oursi
sterl
ikeyouar emyown, andIwillfi
ght
anyonewhot ri
estot akeyouawayf rom mey ouhear
?
Hi
m:Butwhati
ftheysayy
ouar
en’
tmyr
eal
mom?
Me:Whocar
eswhatt
heysay
,weknowhowi
tis
r
ight
?
Henoddedandsmi l
ed,“
nowcomegi v emel ov e.
”He
kneltont hebedandgav emeahug, “everyt
hingwi l
l
bealrighthoney,andnothi
ngwill
tearusapar t.Now
gowashy ourf
aceandlet’
sgogetsomet hingt o
eat.
”Hehuggedmeagai nandwentintohisen- sui
te,
whenhewasdonewewal kedoutwit
hhi shand
aroundmywai standmineonhisshor tshoulders.

Imadefoodwhi l
ehewashav i
ngami l
kshake;we
tal
kedaboutschoolandLondi
.Hewasst i
llf
eeli
ng
down,buthemanagedt ol
aughandmakeaf ew
j
okes.Khanyiwalkedi
ntotheki
tchenr
ubbingher
eyes,
“mom…”
Me:
Yesbaby
Her
:I’
m notf
eel
i
ngt
oogood.
Me:
Comeher
eletmesee.
Shewal kedov ertomeandIpi ckedherupand
placedheront hecount er,
“wher ei si tsor e?”Icoul d
alreadyf eelhertemper at
ure,shepoi nt edatherhead
andshewaswar m,“ ohbaby ,weneedt ogety out o
thedoct orok.Shenodded, Iswi tchedof fthest ov e
andpi ckedherup, “
momm- ”shedi dn’tev enf i
nish
hersent enceandshet hrewupal l overmycl othes,
“sor ry.”Ikissedherf or
ehead, “sshhhi t’
sokbaby .I
tookhert omybedr oom andi ntothebat hroom, Iran
usabat handt ookourcl othesof fandIgoti nwi th
her .Itookheroutandshewasheat i
ngupv erybad,
“Idr essedheri nherni ghti
eandIwor ej ogger sanda
vestandweheadeddownst airs,“Abebi ,I
’mt aking
Khany i t
ot hehospitaldoyoumi ndf i
nishi ngupt he
food? ”shenoddedandgav emeat humbsup,
Lakhi wewasal r
eadyatt hedoori ni sjacket ,“I
’m
comi ngt oo.”
Me:
Okbuddy ,
justgr
abmypur
seandabr
ownbagi
n
t
hekit
chen.

IputKhanyi
inhercarseatandt
ookthecarar
ound
andwaitedforLakhi
wewhogotint
othebackwit
h
hersisterandgaveherthebr
ownpaperbagandhe
wasr ubbingherbackthewhol
eway,whi
chwasthe
cutestthingever
.

Wewer esetupi nar oom i nthepaedi at

ri
cwar d,and
Ifi
lledoutt hef or
m andt hedoct orwaswi t
hus
shor tl
y.Heexami nedherandcamet oaconcl usi
on
thatitwasf oodpoi soningandgav ehermedi cation
totake; shewoul dbeherov ernightjusttomakesur e
shedoesn’ tgetdehy dratedov ert henight,
af t
erthe
doct orgav ehermedi cati
onhel eftandKhany i f
ell
asleepshor t
lyafterthat.Lakhi weandIsati nthe
room ont hecouchandhet oost art
eddosi ngof f
,
“I’
m goi ngtocal l
Keenant opi cky ouupok. ”He
noddedandl aydownont hecouchwhi l
eIstepped
outsideandmadet hecall,“KeenanIneedaf avour.
”
Hi
m:What
’supSi
s?
Me: I
’
m att
hehospi
tal
;Ineedy
out
ocomepi
ck
Lakhi
weup.
Hi
m:Shi
t,whathappened?I
’
m sof
ar…
Me:
it’
sKhany
ibuti
t’
stakencar
eof
…al
ri
ghtI
’
llcal
l
Dumi
.
Hi
m:NoIwi
l
lmakeapl
an.
Me:
Thanks.

*
***
***
***
***
***Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
*

Ir
ecei
vedacal
lfr
om Keenan,
“what
?”
Keenan:That
’sr
ude.Khanyii
sinhospi
tal
,Thando
needssomeonetotakeLakhiwehome.
Me:
Whatt
hef
uckhappenedt
omydaught
er?
Hi
m:Notsur
e,j
ustgett
her
e.

Idroppedthecallandclosedmyl aptopbefore
headingtothebasementoft hehot elandheadedto
thehospit
al.Attherecepti
onIaskedf ormy
daughterandIwasgi venherr oom number.Il
ooked
i
nandsawmybabyl y
ingont hebedwi thadri
p,
Lakhiwewasr esti
nghisheadonThando’ sl
apand
sheseemedl ikeshewassi ngingtothem.Myey es
fi
ll
edwi t
ht ears,Ilookedupandbl inkednumer ous
ti
mesbef or ewal ki
ngi ntot heroom.Thandol ooked
upatmeandshest oppedsi nging,shedi dn’
tsay
anythi
ngj ustlookedatmeasIwal kedov ert
omy
daughter.Ikissedherf oreheadandt urnedtoface
Thando, “
whathappened? ”shest i
l
l didn’
tsay
anythi
ngbutpoi ntedatt hechar tatt hefootofthe
bed,Ireaditandsi ghedasi ghofrelief.
Me:Keenanaskedmet ocomegetLakhi
we,
he
coul
dn’
tmakeit.Butcanwetal
kbefor
eIgo?
Shei gnoredmeagai nandwokeLakhi weup, who
l
ookedannoy edwhenhesawme, “yourfatherwil
l
takey ouhome, getsomef oodandt hensleep.I’
l
lbe
thereinthemor ningtotakeyoutoschool .
”She
kissedhisforeheadandgav ehim somet hi
ngheput
i
nhi spocket.“Il
ov eyou,
”hesmiledandhuggedher ,
“Iloveyoutoomom. ”

Lakhi
wewalkedoutbefor
emeandIwentt osi
t
downnexttoThando,“
Baby.”Shegotupandwent
toKhany
i’
sbedandf i
xedtheblanket
saroundmy
daughterandshedi dn’
tacknowl edgemypr esence.I
deservedthis,
IkissedKhany igoodby eandcl osed
thedoorwhenIwal kedout .Lakhiwewassi ttingand
wait
ingformeonachai routsi
det heroom.Hegot
upasIcl osedthedoorandwal kedtowar dst heexit.
Wedi dn’
tspeak, Istart
edt hecaranddr oveof f,“
you
wantt ogetMcDonal d’sbuddy ?”heshookhi shead
andlookedst r
aightahead, “yoursisterwillbeal r
ight,
i
t’sfoodpoisoninggi veheraf ewday sandshewi l
l
bebackt onormal .”
Hedi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ngi
nret
urn,
“how’
sschool
?”
Hi
m:Good.
Me:
Buddy
,ar
eyouok?
Henodded, andwedr oveallthewayi nsil
ence…I
gottot hegateandpar ked.Ipressedtheremot eand
nothing.Lakhiweopenedt hedoorandwal kedout
slammi ngitbehi ndhim,het ookoutar emot efrom
hispocketandopenedt hegat ejustenoughf orhim
togetinandcl oseditafterhewal kedin…whatt he
fuck!Not hi
si sn’thappening.
[
11/
23,
17:
30]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode105
Iwatchedthegatetomyhousecl osesl
owlyandI
j
ustsatthere,
thi
scan'tpossi
blybehappeni
ngI
thoughtt
omy sel
f.Idi
all
edKeenan, “
Whereareyou?
”
Hi
m:St
il
ldoi
ngsomebusi
ness,
isKhany
ial
ri
ght
?
Me:
Yeahsheisal
ri
ght
.Tel
lmedi
dThando
r
epr
ogr
am thegat
e?
Hi
m:Notaccor
dingt
omyknowl
edge,
what
’sup?
Me:
Ican’
tgeti
n;I
’
llt
alkt
oyoul
ater
.

Icutthecal l
anddr ovet othehospit
al,andheadedi n
andf oundThandoatt hecoffeemachi ne.“You
changet helocksandy outurnedmysonagai nstme?
Thandoy ou’retaki
ngt hisabittoofar.Justtalkto
mepl ease.”Shedidn’trespond,sheclosedher
coffeecupandwal kedt owardsKhany i
’sroom,
“Thandodon’ tdothis,thesearemychi ldrenyouca
-.
”shet urnedaround,“whatdi dyoujustsayt ome? ”
Me:
Baby
,pl
easehearmeout
.
Her
:Whatdi
dyouj
ussayt
omeaboutmyki
ds
Khenan?
(Shewasj
ustt
oocal
m)
Me:
Thando,
Idi
dn’
tmeani
tli
ket
hat
.
Her
:Youbett
ernothav
e,nowleavemysi
ghtbef
oreI
t
akeawaythemostimport
antthi
ngst
oyou.
Me:
Arey
out
hreat
eni
ngme?
Her
:Am Iknownf
ort
hreat
s?Iact
…don’
tpushme.

Shet urnedar oundandwal kedintoKhany i’

sroom, I
wat chedhersi tti
ngont hecouchdr inkinghercof fee.
Thiswasnothappeni ngt ome, shecan’ tt
akemy
kidsawayf rom me, myf acefelthotandt het ears
stungmyey es.Idi al
ledJames, “Khenani t’
slate.”I
waswal kingt owar dsthecarfumi ng,“shewant sto
taket hechildr en,canshet akemyki ds…James
pleaset ellmeshecan’ ttakethem from me? ”Iwas
neart ears,“rememberKhany ii
sn’tyoursbiologicall
y,
andThandoi sherl egalguardianandy ouar en’t.
”
Me:
No…No!
!Fuck!
!AndLakhi
we?
James:Wel
ltheynor
mal
lyputbot
hchil
drent
oget
her
.
Youknowthi
sisn’
tmyfi
eld;
Iwil
ltal
ktoAndr
ea
t
omor
rowandwi
l
lgetbackt
oyoui
nthemor
ningok?
Me:
Shecannott
aket
hem,
any
thi
ngbutmybabi
es.

Igotint
ot hecarandletoutacr yandthetears
escapedmyey esli
keaflood…howcanIbeso
stupi
d,andf uckupmywhol eent ir
eli
fewit
hj usta
fewnightsofpleasurewithaf ucki
nggolddigging
whore?Howcoul dIbesost upid?
Myphoner
angandi
twasMar
tha,
“what
?”
Her
:Ij
ustwant
edt
oknowi
fyou’
recomi
ngov
er
t
oni
ght.
Me:
Comeov
erf
orwhat
?
Her
:It
houghtsi
nc-
Me:Youthoughtwrong…wejustf
uckedacoupl
eof
t
imes!Iwil
lneverl
oveyou.

Shewasnowcr y
ingovert
hephone,“saveyour
crocodi
l
etear
sforsomeonewhocar es.I
’m onl
y
tal
kingt
oyoubecauseofmychil
dren,other
wiseI
wantnothi
ngt odowi
thy ou!!
”shesobbedloudlyand
cutt
hencallonme.Ididn’tcareatt
hispoi
nt;ri
ght
nowallIwantedwastokeepmyf amil
ytogether.

*
***
***
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***

Khany iwasdi schargedthef oll

owi
ngdayandIspent
ther estoft heweekwi t
hherathomewhi leworking
from t here.Abebi wasn’tfeeli
ngwell
,thepr egnancy
wast akingat ollonher,andshewascar rying
tri
pletsandwasdi agnosedwi thhyperemesi s
gravidar um.Keenanhat edseeingherlikethisand
wasoutoft hehousemostoft heti
me; Ihadanur se
takecar eofher .Lucki
lyitwasn’tt
oosev erebecause
i
twasdet ectedear l
y,shewasonadr iptokeepher
rehydr ated,andshewasf eel
ingalotbetterand
gainingbackt hewei ght.

I
twasFr i
day,
andIhadaf ewthi
ngstotakecareof
todaysoIhadMarywatchoverKhanyi
whoIl efti
n
bed,Imadebreakf
astandwenttoser
veAbebi ,
she
wasgai
ningstr
engthandl
ookedal
otbet
ter
,“how
ar
ethebabiesdoi
ng?”
Her
:We’
real
ri
ght
,I’
mfeel
i
ngbet
ter
.
Me:
You’
rel
ooki
ngi
ttoo…Andt
heboyf
ri
end?
Shel
etoutalaugh,“
don’
ttel
lmeaboutt
hatbaby
.He
i
sscaredasshit,
hewontevent
ouchmebecausehe
i
sscaredtohurtme.
”
Me:
That
’ssweett
hough.
Her:Thet
hought,y
es.ButIneedhi
m her
e;I
’
m bor
ed
outofmyskull
!!
Me:Wel
lletmet
akecar
eofthefewt hi
ngsIneedt
o
do,
andthenwe’
l
lhaveagi
rl
’sni
ght.Soundsgood?
Her
:soundsgr
eat
!
Me:Alr
ight
,I’
l
lseeyoulat
er.Khanyiwi
ll
bei
nthe
house,
butI’
mt aki
ngLakhi
wet oschool
.

Il
eftherandfoundLakhi
weinthecar
,Igoti
nand
ki
ssedhishead,“goodmorni
ngHun.”
Hi
m:What
’ssogoodabouti
t?
ME:
Andt
hatmood?
Hi
m:You’
ret
heonef
orci
ngmet
oseeKhenan.
Me:Fi
rstl
ythati
sy ourf
ather
;youwi
l
lrespecthi
m
andnotcall
him byname.
Herol
ledhisey
es,“
what
ever.
”Hemumbl
edunder
hi
sbreath,
“Whatwast
hat?
”
Hi
m:Yesma’
am.
Me:Bet
ter
,nowwhathappenedwheny
ourdadgot
youf
rom t
hehospi
tal
?
Hi
m:Whatdoy
oumean?
Me: You’r
eskati
ngonthini
ceyoungman;
youmade
yourfatherangr
y.Ij
ustwantt
oknowwhatyoudi
d.
Hi
m:Heaskedi
fIwantMcDonal
d’sandIsai
dno.
Me:
And
Hi
m:Hedroppedmeoff;
Iopenedt
hegat
e,wal
ked
i
nandcl
oseditbehi
ndme.
Iwant
edtolaughoutloud,thi
sboywassomething
el
se,“
ok,well
hewill
picky ouupfr
om school
today
anddropyoulat
ert
onight.Youneedt
obehave
y
our
sel
f!
”
Hi
m:Orel
se?
Me:
Iwi
l
lwhi
pyourass.
Hi
m:That
’si
l
legal
.
Me: ThenIgetarr
est
edandy
ou’
ref
orcedt
oli
vewi
th
yourfatherf
orev
er.
Hi
m:Ooooh,
you’
remean.

Wel aughedandhegotoutt hecar,andIwat ched

him walkint
otheschool .Heturnedar oundandgave
meonel astwav e,t
hatbr okemyhear t,butIcoul
dn’
t
keepKhenanawayf rom hisson.From bothofhis
chil
drenreal
ly,
Ismi l
edanddr oveof fwhenhewas
i
nsidetheschool gr
ounds.Iheadedt oJames’ of
fi
ce
andputonmygamef ace.

Iwalkedinandhisrecepti
onisttoldmehewasbusy ,
“Tel
lhim Mrs.DeCostaishere.”Ismil
edandsat
downont hewaiti
ngchairs;Iwasonmycel lphone
unti
lIheardJames’voiceandl ookedup.Hewas
shakinghandswi thanot hermanandt henwal ked
himtot heelevatorandcamet ome, “shecanwai t
.”
Hesai dsarcasti
cal l
ywhi leclappi
nghishands, I
rol
ledmyey esandwal kedpasshi m headingt ohis
offi
ce,“hol
dhi scalls.”Iinfor
medhi sreceptionist
,
“Thando…myof fice.”Iignoredhim andwal ked
aheadandhear dhi m confirm nott
obedi sturbed.

Inhisoffi
ceIsatdowni nt heseatacrosshis,he
closedthedoor,“
anythingt odri
nk?”Ishookmy
headandhewentt ositinhisseatandl ookedatme,
“Thando,whatcanIdof oryou?”
Me:Don’
tpl
aydumbwi
thme.Hashesi
gnedt
he
paper
s?
Hi
m:Thando,
hej
ustwant
sanhourwi
thy
ouand
t
henhewil
lsi
gnt
hem.
Me:James, Igavey ouonesi mpletaskandy ou
coul
dn’t.(
Sigh)Pl easegetKhenant osignthese
documentsst at
ingt hathewi l
lbesteppi
ngdownas
MDt oallMYcompani es,andwil
lnolongerbe
i
nvolvedintheor ganizati
ons.Iwil
lbepresenti
ngthi
s
totheboardofdi
rectorsduri
ngthecour
seofnext
weekandIwi l
li
ntroducetheCEOsI’v
eappoi
nted.
May beyouguysthinkI’
m bl
uffi
ng,
Mondaythese
documentsneedtobesi gned.
James:Thando,pl
ease…gi
vehim achancetotal
kto
you.Heisn’
tsay
inghewon’
tsignthem;hejust
wantstotal
ktoyou.
Il
etoutasi gh,“
tel
lhim 15minuteswhenhedrops
Lakhiweofftoday.Andmakesur ehesigns
everyt
hingandgivesitt
omet hen.
”Igotupand
walkedtowardsthedoor ,
“yousaidweekend?
”
Me:
NowI
’
m say
ingt
oni
ght
.
James:
Thand-
Me:NoJames, thi
swasanegotiat
ionri
ght.Iagr
eed
toseehim,nowhehast odosomethingforme.I
wantthosepaperssi
gnedorel
setherewillbeawar
,
andheisn’
tgoingtowin!

Idi
dn’twai
tforhi
mt orespond;Il
efthi
soff
iceand
headedtobuystuf
ffortoni
ght.Iwentbymyoffi
ce
andcaughtupwi
thsomewor
kandmadeaf
ewcal
l
s.

Laterthatev eni
ngIwasathomecooki ngint he
kit
chenwhi l
eAbebi waswatchingmehav i
ngav ir
gin
mimosa.Herdr ipwastakenout ,
andshel ooked
betterthant heprev
iousday.Iwashav i
ngBl oom Gin
withmyf ancygarni
shes,andIwasmaki ngsnacks
forourladiesnightandKhany i
wast akinghernap.

Khenanwascomi ngt odropLakhi weandwewer e

goingt otalk,Idi
dn’twanttot al
kt ohimreall
y.Iwas
sti
llfeeli
ngsobet rayed,butImi ssedhim somuch;
histouch, hisvoi
ce.ButIwasmad, fuckIwasstil
l
furi
ous, Iwashur tandmyhear twasshat t
eredina
mill
ionpi eces,butIcoul
dn’tlethim seethat.

Iwaswear ingagreysl
eevelessturtl
eneckbodycon
dress,j
ustbelowtheknee.Allmycur veswere
showing,Ipair
editwit
hapai rofwhi t
esneaker
s.I
l
eftmyhai rinanopenfri
zzy,thatalwaysdri
veshi
m
crazyandputonapur plemat t
elipsti
ck.
Abebi
:Sowhat
’sf
orsupper
?
Me:Chi
ckenrav
ioli
inacreamymushr
oom sauce
andaseafoodli
nguine.
Abebigavemet helook,“
what ?”sheshr
uggedand
tookasipofherdri
nk,“nothi
ng.”Igavehert
he
middlefi
nger
,“well
it’
sjustthatthosear
eKenan’
s
favor
it
e.
Me:
Yousai
ditwasnot
hing.
Abebi
:Wel
li
tis.
Me:Sowhati
fit
’shi
sfav
our
it
e,hei
sn’
tst
ayi
ngf
or
supper
.
Abebi
:Youknowhewil
linsi
standwhenKhany
iset
s
herey
esonhim,shewon’twanthi
mtogoanywher
e.
Me:
Didn’
tthi
nkt
hatf
ar.
Abebi
:howf
ardi
dyout
hink?Fr
izzyhai
rfar
?
Me:Nowy ou’
rebei
ngabi
tch,
you’
rel
uckyy
ou’
re
pr
egnant
.
Abebi
:Whyar
eyougoi
ngt
hroughwi
tht
hedi
vor
ce
whenit
’sobv
iousy
oust
il
ll
ovet
hismanwi
thal
lyour
hear
t?
Me:YesIl
ovehim,butwhathedi
dreal
l
yhurtme
andIdon’
tknowifIcanev
erfor
giv
ehimforwhathe
di
dtomeandourf amil
y.
Abebi:
Thenwhyar
eyousti
ll
dressi
ngupf
orhi
m and
makinghi
sfav
ouri
temeal
s?
Me:Hehastoseewhathel
ost
;heneedst
oknow
t
hathel
eftagoodwomanfort
hattr
amp!
Abebi
:It
hinkheknowst
hatal
ready
.
Me:
Idon’
tcar
e,heneedstosuff
erl
i
kemeand
r
egr
ett
hedayhestuckhispeni
sint
hatwhor
e.
Abebi
:Ar
eyoumadbecausehecheat
edorbec-
Me: Iam madbecausehecheat ed,
Iam mad
becausehegav ehertheonethi
ngI ’
vebeenpray
ing
sol ongf or
,Iam madbecauseshesmi l
esatme
ever yti
meIwasatt heoffi
ce.Iam madbecause
theydi sr
espectedmeandmadmeaf ool
.Iam
pissedof fbecausehebrokeeverypromisehemade
tome, Iam madbe-
Abebi
:OkIgetitThando,butf
orthesakeofthe
chi
ldr
enyouguy shavetokeepahealt
hyrel
ationshi
p.
Youguyscan’tbecussi
ngandscreamingwit
ht he
ki
dsaround,youguyshavetomakedecisi
onst hat
wil
laf
fectthechi
ldr
enandy ouneedtomaket hem
cl
earminded.
Me:
Stopmaki
ngsense.
Ri
ghtthenthebuzzerwentoffandIknewt
hatwas
KhenanbutIpl
ayeditcool
,“Hell
o.”
Hi
m:Thandohi
,pl
easeopenf
orus.
Me:
Uhm?
Hi
m:I
t’
sKay
Me:
Oh,
okcool
.

Myhear twasbeat i
ngfast,
Idownedmydr inkand
thenl ookedatmy selfi
nthemirrorf r
idge,Abebi
clearedhert hr
oatIgaveherthemi ddl efi
nger.I
mi xedanotherdrinkquickl
yandt henst ar
tedthe
sauce, pret
endingtonotcarethatt heyhadwal kedi
n.
Hisscenthi tmynost ri
l
sbeforeheev enspoke,he
waswearingCliv
eChr i
sti
anC.Igothimt hatscent
andhewasdoi ngitonpurpose,“Ladi
es.”Khenan
sai
dstandinginthedoorway,andwegr eetedhim
back,
“smellsgood.”Lakhi
wer anpasshim and
cametogiv emeahug.
Khenan:
Ouch.
Me:
Andt
hat
,it
’sonl
ybeenacoupl
eofhour
s.
Lakhi
we:
Imi
ssedy
out
oo,
whatar
eyoumaki
ng.
Me:
Chi
ckenr
avi
oli
andseaf
oodl
i
ngui
ne.
Lakhi
we:
Great
,Igott
heper
fectwi
nef
ory
ou.
Me:
Ha,
youwentt
obuywi
ne?Wi
thwhatmoney
.
Her oll
edhiseyesatme, “gogetclean,
supperwil
l
bereadyin30mi nutes.
”Ikissedhisheadandhe
walkedoff.Abebiwasnowher etobeseen,that
bl
oodybi t
chjustdit
chedme.It urnedtomydr i
nk
andt ookasip,t
hencontinuedwithmysauce.
Khenan:
Youl
ookbeaut
if
ul.
Me:
Thanks.
Khenan:
CanIst
ayf
orsupper
?
Me:
Thatwasn’
ttheagr
eement
.
Khenan:Iknowyou’
reangr
ybutpl
ease,
Ineedt
o
spendsomet i
mewithmyfamil
y.
Itur
nedaroundandlookedathi
m, “
youwouldn’
t
havethatdi
lemmaifyoukeptyourdicki
nyourpant
s
becauseyou’dbeher
ewi t
huseveryday.
”
Khenan:
Ideser
vet
hat
,uhm…Ihav
eyourdocument
s.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Leav
eyourcomment
s,t
agaf
ri
end,
li
keandshar
e.
[
11/
23,
18:
06]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode106

Hepl
acedanenvelopeonthecount
erandsatonthe
st
ool
bythecounter,“
CanIgetadri
nk?”Il
ookedat
theenvelopeandmyhear tskippedabeat,andtear
s
fi
ll
edmyey es,
Iquicklyturnedaroundandopened
thefri
dgeIclearedmyt hr
oat,“whatyouwant?”I
snif
fedabi t
.Whatt hefuck,whywasIf eel
ingli
ke
thi
s,thi
siswhatIwant ed.Sowhyam Inothappy ?
Khenan:
Arey
ouok?
Inoddedandgotabeeroutt hefri
dgeandt urned
around, hewasst andi ngt her ecloset ome.Icoul d
smel lhiscologneandhearhi m breath,andcoul d
almosthearhi shear tbeat ,“Thando, Idi
dn’tsign
thosedi vorcepaper s,relax .
”Itri
ednott ol etouta
sighofr eli
evet ol oud, “I
’
m notgi vi
nguponus…not
any t
imesoon.Youkeept hecompani es,butI’m not
l
et t
inggoofy ou.”Icoul dt ellhewant edtohol dme
i
nhi sar msandIwant edhi mt oholdmesobadl y,
“Thanks. ”Het ookhi sbeerandwentt ositback
downandIf acedmypot s, westay edinsilencetil
l
Keenanbar gedi n, “
Thandoy o-”hef r
ozeatt hedoor ,
“uhm…awkwar d.”Het urnedonhi sheelsandwal ked
straightout.
KhenanandIhadl
i
ghtconver
sati
on,l
ikeci
vi
li
zed
humans.Wehadsupperasafamil
y;Khany
ifel
l
asleepinherfather’
sarms, notsur
prised.Lakhi
we
wasn’tveryhappywi t
hthesetupandwentt obed
strai
ghtaftersupperwithouteveneatingdessert
.I
tookKhany ifr
om Khenanandwentt oputherdown
andwal kedintoLakhiwe’sroom,Ifoundhim playi
ng
hisplaystati
on.
Me:
Heybuddy
.
Hi
m:Hey
.
Me:
Whyar
eyouhi
dingi
nher
e?
Hi
m:I
t’
shi
m,Ican’
tMa.
Me:
Why
?
Him:Hehast
oalwaysmessupmyhappi
ness,
hei
s
onl
ythi
nki
ngabouthi
msel
f.
Me: Hei st ryi
ngbaby ,yourf
atherhasnev erdone
any t
hingi ntenti
onaltohurtyou.Hemakesmi st
akes,
al ot
.Buty oucan’ti
gnor ehimforever;youneedhim
topayy ourschool fees,andthoseexpensi v
ecello
classes, thisstupi
dgamey ou’r
eplaying.Import
antly
youneedhi m asay oungman; Ican’tteachyou
thoset hings.
Hi
m:Hewi l
lteachmet
obel i
kehi
m?Idon’
twantt
o
dowhathedidtomychi
ldr
en.
Me: Hedidn’
tleav
ey ou,he’shere.It
hinkyouneedto
meethim hal
fway ,
andgi vehim achance.Those
chi
ldrenareyoursibl
ingsandy oucannothatethem
becauseofyourfather’
smi st
akes.
Hi
m:CanIhat
eher
?
ME:
Who?
Hi
m:Thei
rmot
her
?
Me:
whywoul
dyouhat
eher
?
Him: Youknowwhensomeoneki
ll
saperson,
the
personwhohelpedt
hem ki
l
lgoestoj
ail
too…soshe
i
sanaccompl i
ce.
Me:You’r
etoosmar
tfory
ourowngood.Youdon’
t
evenknowher,
howcanyouhat
esomeoney oudon’
t
know?
Hi
m:Isawhert
oday
,she’
sabi
mbo.
Me:
Wher
edi
dyouse-wai
t,whati
sabi
mbo?
Hi
m:Pr
ett
yface,
empt
ybr
ain.
Me:
Whot
eachesy
oual
lthi
s?
Hi
m:Uncl
eKeenan.
Me:You’r
estayi
ngawayfrom hi
m…nomoreti
me
wi
thyourUncle.Nowcomesaygoodni
ghtt
oyour
f
ather
,thenyoucanbrushyourt
eet
h.

Hedr aggedhimsel foffthebed, andoutt heroom.

Hewenti nt
othel oungewher et hebrotherswere
whileIclearedthetable.Iri
nsedev erythingandput
them inthedishwasher .Aft
ert hatIgotabot t
leof
bubbl yandaglassandwentt ositoutsideandli
ta
cigarett
e,Khenancameoutandsatont hecouch
acrossmeandl ithiscigar
ette.
Hi
m:Thanksf
ort
oni
ght
.
Me:
Thechi
l
drenmi
ssedy
ou.
Hi
m:Imi
ssy
ou.
ME:
Khenanpl
easedon’
t.
Hi
m:Justsay
ing.
Hehandedmet
heenv
elope,
“youl
eftt
hisi
nthe
ki
tchen.
”Iopeneditanditwasthesi
gnedletter
s
stat
inghewouldbesteppingdownfrom al
lthe
busi
nesses.Il
ookedatthem andtor
nthem inhalf
.
Hi
m:It
houghtt
hisi
swhaty
ouwant
ed?
Me: Thisdoesn’
thurtyouasmuchasy ouhurtme.
It
’spointl
esstaki
ngthisawayfrom y
ouwheny ou
canbuyt hebuil
dingnextdoorandstar
tanot
her
business.
Hi
m:WhatcanIdo?
Me:
Bet
her
efory
ourchi
l
dren,
all
oft
hem.
Hi
m:Thando,
andus?
Me: Therei
snomoreus,si
gnthediv
orcepapersor
not;ther
ewil
lnev
erbeanus.Ican’
tbewit
hy ouaft
er
thi
s.
Hel etoutasi ghandtookalongdragofhi
s
cigaretteandlookeddown,hestay
edl i
ket
hatfora
while.Hel ookedbackupatmeandt earswerefull
in
hisey es,“ThandoI’
l
ldoanythi
ng.I
’
llsendthem away;
youwon’ thavetoseethem.
”
Me:
Khenan,
Iwi
l
lnotbet
her
easony
ourchi
l
dren
don’
tknowthei
rfat
her
.Iwi
l
lnothav
ethatonmy
consci
ence.
Hi
m:Thent
ell
mewhati
tisImustdo?
Me: Gobewi t
hy ourfamil
y.Lakhi
weandKhanyiare
ol
denough, andt heyar
eusedt onothav
ingyou
around.Youjustneedtomakesur eyoudon’
tfor
get
aboutthem.
Hi
m:Tha-
Me:
NoKhenan,
Iwi
l
lnotl
ety
oumakeaf
ool
outof
me.
Hi
m:Idi
dn’
tmakey
ouaf
ool
.
Me: I
’
my ourwife;
youhadt otellmethisbefore
runni
ngtoy ourmot her
.Wehadt odealwiththi
s
toget
her,butyouwentt otel
l t
hewomanwho
conspir
edt okeepmei namadhouse, whom along
withyourbrothertr
iedtokil
lyou.Thesamewoman
whosetmeupt ogetmei njai
l.Khenan,youfucked
upandI ’
m donewi thyourcheati
ngass.

Hesatt
her
ecr
ying,
myhear
tbr
okeagai
n.ButI
couldn’tgivei ntohi sbullshit
, andaf tersayingthatit
broughtbackal ltheangerIf eltforthatwoman.
Khenangotupf r
om hi sseatandsatnextt ome; he
heldmyhandandki ssedi t
.Thet earsfil
ledmyey es
andIwascl osetocr yi
ngandIt r
iedmyal lt
ohol d
them inbutIcoul dn’t.Hedi dn’tsayany thi
ng;hejust
keptkissingmyhandandwhi sper i
nghei ssorr
y
everynowandagai n.Wewer ei nterruptedbyhis
phoner inging; whenhet ooki touthi spocketIsaw
hernameont hescr een.Itookmyhandawayf rom
his,“
Thando, I
’m nottakingi t
.”Ist oodupandt ook
mygl ass, “
pl easegetKeenant oletyouout .”

*
***
***
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
*

“WHAT! ”Ianswer edthephoneasThando

disappearedintothehouse, “
Leavemeal one,I’
l
l
comegetmyki dstomorrow.”Thiswomanwas
maki ngmeangr yandshewasn’ tgi
vi
ngup, Ithr
ew
myphoneagai nstthewallandletoutaloudscr eam.
Keenancamer unningoutsideandIjustdroppedt o
mykneesandcr i
ed.Hejuststoodtherenotknowing
whattodo, “
Dude, what
’sup?”Ididn’
tbother
answeri
nghi m;Keenanhadnev erseenmecr yli
ke
thi
sbefore.Ifel
tli
kemyhear thadbeenr i
ppedoutof
mychestandsomeonewassqueezi ngiti
ntheir
hand.
Keenan:
WhatcanIdot
ohel
p?
Me:
Rev
erset
ime!
!
Iknowhewast r
yingtohel pmebutIdi dn’
tneedhis
helprightnow,wel l
Idid.ButIdi dn’
tknowhowhe
couldhel p,“
Khenangett hef uckupandf i
xthisshi
t.
Sit
tingher eandcryingwillnothelpyou.You’r
e
l
osingt hewomany oulov e,cutthecrapandstart
acti
ng. ”Hewalkedof f,
Igotupandwentt omy
phone, anditwasshat ter
edi ntomanypieces.Igot
mysi m cardandheadedout .
Idi
dn’tsleept hatni
ghtthi
nkingabouthowIwi l
l
sol
vet hi
si ssue,thi
sprobl
em.IthoughtIwasget t
ing
somewher ewi t
hThandobutaf t
ershesawt hi
s
wit
chcallingme, wewerebackatstageone.At5
am Iwentt ot hegym,Ineededtotakeoutthis
fr
ustr
ationonsomet hi
ng.Iputonmyboxi nggloves
andstartedpunchingt hebaghard.Iwasatitfor
about15mi nutesunti
lIfel
tahandonmyback, “y
ou
needtocalm downbef oreyoupunchthebagof fthe
cei
li
ng.”Sher anherdownmyback, “canIhelpyou
wit
hsomet hing?”
Her
:Nope,
butmay
beIcanhel
pyou.
Me:
Idon’
tneedy
ourhel
p,nowl
etmebe.
Shewal kedar oundandst oodi nf rontofmeand
touchedmybi ceps,“Youlookf r
ust r
atedandIcan
helpy our el
easet hatfrustrati
on.”Wast hi
sbitch
beingser ious?Iclickedmyt ongueatherandwal ked
awaywhi letakingmygl ovesof f
.If i
nishedtherest
ofmywor koutl i
fti
ngwei ghts,Itookacol dshower
andheadedt oiStoreandgotmy selfanewphone
andIheadedoutt oseeJames.“ I
shei n?”Isaid
walkingpasshi sreceptionist,“y
eahbuthei switha
cl-
”Idi dn’tevenwai tforther estoft hesentenceand
walkedi ntoJames’ offi
ce,andy eshewaswi tha
cli
entandIdi dn’tcare.Isatdownont hechair
opposi teJamesandnexthi scli
ent ,
whol ookedlike
asmal lti
medr ugdealer,l
ot soft att
oosand
piercings.Toomanygol dr i
ngsandt eeth,hej ust
l
ookedgui lt
yandnoj udgewouldev erlethim gof r
ee.
Hel ookedatmet erri
fied,andIgavehi m acr ooked
smi l
eandhet urnedtoJames, “
Khenan, y ouand
yourwi feneedtost opt hi
sshit;
Ihav eot herclients
youknow. ”Idi
dn’tsayany thi
ngIlookedatJames
andt hisboyandt henbackatJames, “YoJames, I
willtalktoyoulater.Thislooksmorei mpor tant .
”He
thent urnedtome, “K, I
’m afanofyourwor k.
”He
salutedmeandwal kedout .
James:KhenanI’m nothi
redbyy
ouful
lti
me,Ihav
e
othercl
ient
s;youandThandoneedt
ounderst
and
andrespectthat
.
Me:
James,Ipayy
ouwayt
oomuchf
ory
out
otal
kto
meli
ket
hat
.
James: Don’tyoudar etal
ktomeaboutmoney ,
Khenant hatisjustfuckedup.Iam yourf
riend,yes,
butthatwillnotstopmef rom whippingy
ourf ucki
ng
assandt eachingy ouhowt orespectme.
Hewal
kedovert
oasmall
tabl
eandpouredhi
mself
awhi
skey
,“andme?
”hesatbackdown,
“youwal
k
aroundli
key ouownt heplace,
butyoucan’tpour
yourownf uckingdri
nk?”herol
ledhi
sey esandtook
asip;Il
aughedoutandwentt opourmy sel
fadri
nk,
“sowhatdoy ouwant?I’
m bil
li
ngyouforthesessi
on
youjusti
nterruptedandyours…ti
mest wo…now
tal
k.”
Me:
IwantMar
thaoutoft
hepi
ctur
ecompl
etel
y.
Hi
m:outhow?
Me: Iwanttocancelthecontr
actIhadwit
hher
becauseThandof oundout,andIwantmychil
dren
tostaywithmeandIwantt ocutherof
ffi
nanci
all
y.
Hi
m:Shewi
l
lsuey
ourass.
Me:
That
’swhyI
’
m her
eri
ght
.Makei
thappen.

Igotupandwal kedtowardsthedoor ,“seewhatI

mean?You’repay i
ngdoubleforev er
ythingf
rom now
ontil
lyougetyouracttogether.
”Ipull
edmymi ddl
e
fi
ngerupathim andlefthi
ml ikethat.
Idrov
et ot
hehouseandbuzzedatthegate,nobody
answeredandIbuzzedi
nagainandthegateopened.
IfoundKeenanatt
hedoor
,“y
ouhav
esomener
ve
cominghere.
”
Hechuckl
ed,
butuwasn’
tint
hemoodt
opl
ay…
Me:
Ijustneedt
ogetsomet
hingandI
’
llbegone.
Iwal
kedpasshi
m andmademywayt
othest
udy
.
[
11/
23,
18:
06]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode107

*
***
***
***
***
**Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***

Iwassi tt
ingatKhenan’sdeskwi thawhi skeyanda
cigar ettewearingmygl asses, Iwasr eadi ngthrough
thedocument sIhadf ound.Iputt hebi r
t h
cert i
ficatesasideandr eadt hecontractual
agr eementbet weenKhenanandMar tha.Khenan
wassi ck,hewaspay inghert okeept hissecr etfrom
me, andheboughthert hehouseandsetherupr eal
nice.Thi swasdisgust i
ng,Itookasi poft hewhi skey
andt hedoorf lewopen.Idi dn’tl
iftmyhandsIj ust
l
iftedmyey esandl ookedatKhenant hr ought het op
ofmygl asses,hejuststoodt here.Ididn’tpayhi m
anymi nd;Ilookedbackdownatthecontr
actand
conti
nuedr eading.Hecl
osedthedoorandsatdown
acrossfrom meanddi dn’
tspeak.

Ireadthroughhiscont r
act,
itwassofamil
i
art o
Khensani’scontract.Whatt
hefucki
twithhim and
contract
s,hegotupandpour edadri
nkandlita
ci
gar et
tethensatbackdownacr ossme.Ieventual
ly
fi
nishedandIl ookedbackupathim,“sowhatnow?
You’regoingtoki l
lhert
oo?”
Hi
m:WowbecauseI
’
mjustamur
der
er?
Me:
Itwasj
ustaquest
ion?
Hi
m:Thando?
Me:
sowi
l
lIber
ecei
vi
ngoneoft
heset
oo?
Hi
m:Thandodon’
tdot
his?
Me:Iwantt
oknow,nextitwi
ll
bemeandIwillhav
e
t
olookovermyshoul
der.Fear
ingt
hatmyhusband
wi
llt
rygetmeki
ll
ed?
Iwasi nt
erruptedbyhiscellphoneri
nging,“I
ce….No
I’
m busyrightnow.Yousor toutwhateveritis,Ihave
mor eimportantthi
ngs.”hecutthecallandlooked
upatme, “Thandot hatwil
lneverhappen,Ilovey ou
somuchandIwoul dn’
thurtyouli
kethat,do-”he
stoppedwhenmyphoner ang,Iansweredtryingto
makesur eKhenandoesn’ tknowwhoi scalling,
“yes.
”
I
ce:
BossLadyweneedy
ourhel
p.
Me:
Whathappened?
I
ce:
Youneedt
ocomeseef
ory
our
sel
f.
Me:
Soundsser
ious.
..
I
ce:
justgether
e,we’
reatt
hef
armhouse.
Me:
Alr
ightgi
veme30mi
nut
es.

Hecutt hecal
l;Igotupfrom Khenan’schai
randput
hisfil
esbackinthesafe.Iwalkedtowardsthedoor
,
“goingsomewher e?”Il
ookedathim andnodded,
“youcanletyoursel
fout.”Iwentupstai
rsandgot
dresseddecent,Idi
dn’tknowhowl ongIwouldbe
gonef orsoIopt edf orbl acky ogapant sandapai r
ofsneakersandabl ackhoodi e.Iti
edmyhai rina
messybunandgr abbedmykey sandphonet hen
headeddownt hest airs, “Thandoy ouchangedt he
passwor dont hesaf e.”Khenansai dwal kingbehi nd
measImademywayt oKeenan’ sr oom, Ibl atantly
i
gnor edhim.Iknockedont hedoor ,andKeenanl et
mei n,“l
ist
en,I’
m headi ngoutanddon’ tknowwhen
I
’llbeback.Pleasepi ckt hekidsupf r
om Mbal i.”He
gav emeat humbupandmademywayt ot hedoor
wher eKhenanwasst andi ngandseemi nglywai ti
ng
forme.Iwal kedpasshi m andhegr abbedmywr ist,
“ThandoI ’
mt alki
ngt oy ou.”Ilookedatmywr i
stand
thenbackupathi m, “Thandogoddammi t
, Ineed
thosedocument s.
”
Me:Letgoofmyhandbef
oreIdosomet
hingIwi
l
l
notr
egret
.
Him:What ,
becauseImadeastupidmist
akeyou
nowt hi
nkyoucantalkt
omeany how?Iam sti
l
ly our
husband,nowgivemethecodetothesafeorelseI’
l
l
ri
pitoutofthatwal
landtakeev
erythi
ngi
nit.
Me:
Sui
tyour
sel
f,andy
ouar
enotmyhusband.
You’
reaf
ucki
ngcheat
ingmonst
er.

Irippedmyar m outofhi sgr i

pandwal kedswi ftlyt o
mycar ,andheadedov ert ot hef ar
m.They ardwas
fullwi t
hcar s,whatt hefuckwashappeni ngIt hought
tomy self.Ijumpedoutt hecarandwenti nside;
nobodywast her e,“I
CE!!”Ishout edout ,“We’ rei nt he
boar droom. ”Ir anupt hest airsandt hewhol egang
wast here,“ok, what ’shappeni ng?”Icewal ked
aroundt het able, “
may bey ouwantt osi tdownf or
this.”Myhear tst artedbeat ingf astandIwasget t
ing
scar ed,“Icey ou’rescar i
ngme, whatthef ucki s
goingon. ”Icesi gnaledatSmuggi ewhopr essedt he
remot eandani mageappear edont hescr een, I
i
mmedi atelyfellont othechai rthatIcehad
suggest edIsi ton.Iwat chedt hevideowi tht ear s
runni ngdownmycheeks, therewasnosoundi nt he
video.Theboy swer ealllooki ngdownandnot
wat chingt hescr een, “okst opi tnow, ”Icesai d,“ why
didy oust op, Iwantt oseet hewhol et hing.”Ist ood
upandl ookedatSmuggi e,“BossLadyIdon’ tt hink-”
Ilookedathi m wi t
hmyr edey esf i
ll
edwi t
ht ear s,“I
don’
tcar
ewhaty
out
hink,
playt
hef
ucki
ngv
ideo.
”
HenoddedatSmuggi e,andhepr essedpl
ay.Ist
ood
therewatchi
ngandt henIscreamedandIdr oppedt
o
thefloor
,“NNOOOOOooooo!WHATTHEFUCK…
NO…NO…NO! !
”theyjustsatinsil
enceasthey
watchedmecr yingonthef l
oor,aft
erawhil
eI
gatheredmyselfandgotup.
Me:
Howdi
dthi
svi
deogett
ous?
Smuggie:
Amessenger
,he’
sint
hei
nter
rogat
ion
room.
Me:Idon’
thavet
imeforhim,heknowsnot
hing.
Whoelseknowsaboutt
his?
I
ce:
Justy
ouBoss.
Me:
Ist
hiswhaty
ouwer
etr
yingt
otel
lKhenanear
li
er?
I
ce:
YeahhenceIcal
l
edy
ou.
Me:Cal
lKeenant
ell
himt
ogethi
sassher
ewi
thhi
s
equi
pment.
I
ce:
YesBoss.
Me:
Dumi
doesn’
tknowaboutt
his?
Theyallshooktheirheads, “Cool
,getKeenanhereI
needtoknowwhent hatvideowast aken.Wecan’t
waitar
oundf orthem tomakedemandsweneedt o
beont hei
rassesasi ny esterday
.I’
llbebacki
nan
hour.
Snake:
WhatdowedoBossLady
?
Me: Findmeanygang, actual
lyall
ofthem whoare
againsttheSer
bians.Imeanal l
ofthem, Af
ri
ca,
Asia,
Australi
aeven…Iwantt hem al
l!
!I’
m goingt
otal
kto
Digger.

Igott
othecarandIr
angupZenon,
“Heybaby
.”
Me:
MeetmeatDumi
’
shousenow.
Zee:
Baby
,I’
m al
i
ttl
e-
Me:
Zenon,
noy
ouar
en’
ttoobusy
!!Gett
her
e!

Icutthecal
landdrov
etoDumi ,If
oundhim si
tt
ing
ontheporchreadi
ngthepaperandcomplet
ely
obli
vi
ousofwhatwashappening.Iopenedthegate
withmyremoteanddroveinandleftt
hegateopen,
“Thando,unomsilayini?Youknowt henei ghbor’
s
dogsliketocomei nher eandshitall
ov ermyl awn.”
Hesaidwal ki
ngtowar dst hegat
etryi
ngt ocloseit
withhisremote,“
ohy oudohav eatail
.”Igotoutand
Zeewasdr ivi
ngin,par kedandgotoutt hecar,“what
wassoi mportant?”
Dumi
:Soy
oucal
l
edhi
m her
e?
Zee:
Yout
hinkI
’
djustv
isi
tforf
un?Nev
erday
sbuddy
.

Theyhugged,“canwegoinsi
deplease.
”Theyl ooked
atmestrangeandIwalkedaheadofthem, they
walkedbehindmeteasi
ngandplayi
ngar ound.Igot
i
ntotheloungeandwaitedf
orthem tocomei n,“si
t
pl
ease.”
Dumi:Thi
sall
lookst
oof
ami
l
iar
;nopeI
’
m notf
all
i
ng
fori
tagai
n.
Zenon:
I’
m outofher
e.
Me:
SITDOWNBOTHOFYOU!
!
Zenon:
Babywhati
sit
?
Istar
tedpacingtheroom, Ididn’
tknowhowt obreak
thenews, “
youaren’
thelpingrightnow,t
elluswhat
happenedandwewi llsortitout.Isi
tKhenan?”Dumi
saidnowonhi sfeet
,“Noit smom. ”Theyl
ookedat
meconf used,“
Thandowhatdoy oumean?”
Me:
Mal
i
nahasher
.
Zenon:
Hasherhow?
Me:HekidnappedherandKal
i
saandchopped
Tar
eck’
sheadof f
.

Iwasnowi nt
ears,Zenonwasonthephone
speakingMexicanandDumi wastypingawayonthe
comput eri
nthelounge.Iwasj
uststandi
nginthe
middleoftheroom inadazeandthenmyphone
rang,“
Ice.”
Hi
m:IgotKeenanont
hel
i
nef
ory
ou.
Keenancameontotheli
ne,“
Theyseem tobein
Lesot
ho,butwearen’
tsur
ey et
,we’
retry
ingtoget
wordtosomeassociat
estheretoi
nvesti
gat
e.”
Me:
Thankswi
l
lseey
oui
nabi
t.
It
urnedar
oundtolookatDumi
;hehadhi
sfacei
n
hi
shands,“
Daddy?
”
Him:Sheisgone,
Ican’
tfi
ndher
,theyr
emov
edher
t
racker
..FUCK.
Hestoodupandwi pedthecomputeroffthetabl
e
l
ett
ingoutaloudwalethatsoundedmor eli
kearaor,
“
Calm down,theyar
einLesotho,Keenanistry
ingto
l
ocatethem aswespeak.”
Hi
m:Let
’sgo.

Weal lwentintomycarandIheadedoutt ot he
farmhouse,Dumi gotoutthecarbeforeIev en
stoppedandher ani nsi
de.Zenonhadn’tgottenoff
thephonesi nceIbr okethenewsandmyphonewas
ri
ngingnonst op.Igotoutandr ecei
vedacal lfrom
Alfonzo,“
Ihear dwhathappened, whatdoy ou
need? ”Il
etoutasi gh, “
Thando,Ioweyout hismuch;
yousav edusal lf
rom Pabloandt hi
sisthel eastI
cando. ”
Me: Ineedanarmy,Ineedyourbestsni
per
sand
dr
iversandyourtopITguys.
Him:Goti
t,f
lyi
ngt
hem outnow.Theywi
l
lbet
her
ein
12hour
s.
Me:No,fl
ythem t
oLesot
howi
l
lsendy
ouf
urt
her
det
ail
s.

Hecutthecall
andIwentbacki nsi
deandeveryone
waswat chi
nganot
herv i
deo,“
whatisi
t?”Snakes
whisperedi
nmyear ,
theyaremakingdemandsand
hewilll
inkupaconnecti
onsowecancommuni cat
e
wit
hhi min12hours.
”
Me:
Whathashedemanded?
Hi
m:Hewant
sthepl
ant
?
Me:Whati
swithevery
oneandthi
sfucki
ngpl
ant
.
AndhowisNanainvol
vedi
nthi
s?
Him:
Somehist
orywi
thDigger
,andpar
tl
yyout
oo…
shei
syourmot
heraf
teral
l.
Me:Havewegot
tenany
wher
ewi
tht
hei
r
wher
eabout
s?
Snake:Nope,st
il
lnotsurewhereabouti
nLesot
ho
butKeenanissurethat
’swheretheyar
e.
Me:
Ok,
youknowany
onei
nBl
oem?
Snake:
Bemor
especi
fi
c?
Me:Ineedcars,l
otsoft
hem; fastones…wefl
yto
Bl
oem anddrivetoLady
brandandsetupcampt her
e,
whenwehav eallt
heinf
ormationweneedthenwe
dr
ivei
ntoLesothoandattack.
Snake:
I’
ll
sor
titout
.

Hewalkedawayf r
om meandIwal kedtoDumi ,
“dad,
howareyoufeeli
ng?”helookeddead, st
ressedand
pi
ssedoffal
latonce.Hecoul dn’
tevenspeak;Igave
hi
m ahugandt ookhim outtheroom.
Me: Hey
,I’
m goingt
ogetherback.Daddydon’
t
str
essyou’
regoingtogi
veyoursel
faheartat
tack
andIcanonlytakeonest
ressatatime.
Him:
Hehasmywi f
e;I
’
m goi
ngt
oki
l
lhi
m wi
thmy
ownbar
ehands.
Me:Alr
ight
,her
e’swhatIwi
lldo.I’
m goi
ngtofi
nd
hi
m andbri
nghim backtoy
ou, andthenyoucan
chophi
m upintopi
ecesandfeedhimt othe
nei
ghbor
’sdog.Ok?

Hel
etoutali
tt
lechuckl
eandthennoddedsl
owl
y,
“
butIdoneedafewthingsf
rom you.
”
Hi
m:any
thi
ngbaby
.
Me:Ineedyout
ogetthegangtoBloem,Ihav
e
Khenan’
sandZenon’
sjet
s,i
t’
snotenough.
Hi
m:Ok,
I’
m oni
t.

I
cewal
kedi
nandcal
l
edmet
othesi
de,
“whati
sit
?”
Hi
m:Ihav
eaf
ewpeopl
ewhowantt
otal
ktoy
ou.
Me:
Notnow,
Ice.
Hi
m:Adeday
o,HansandPi
ero.
Me:
What
?Abebi
’
sfat
her
?What
,how?
Hi
m: Theywereher
eonbusinessandtheyhear
d
whathappenedandtheywantt
ohelp.

Iwal
kedoutandt
heywer
eout
sidehav
ingachat
,I
gr eetedt hem andwehadat alkaboutstrategyand
theyof feredt heirser v
ices.Thi swascr azy,Iwas
talkingwi t hthedr uglordsofNi geri
a,Germanyand
Italy,andt heywant edtobackmeup, Nothando
Khumal o,whowoul dhav eknown.Af t
erourt al
kthey
madesev eral call
sandKhenanwal kedintothey ard
andl ookedatal lt
hecar s, “
arewehav ingapar tyhe
sai dwal kingt owar dsme. ”Igav ehim astraightface,
Idi dn’thav et imef orjokes, “may beifyoulist
enedt o
Icewhenhecal ledy ouwoul dknowwhati s
happeni ng.Nowbeusef ul,
cally ourpi
lotandt el
lhim
we’ reheadi ngt oBl oemf onteininanhour .Andget
ourf lightcl eared, andify oumustknowMal i
nahas
yourmom andNana.Oh, andhedecapi t
atedy our
br other.”Itur nedonmyheel sandwal kedt owards
thehouse, hegr abbedmyar m, “whatdidyouj ust
sayt omeThando? ”
Me:Youhear
dme;Idonothav
eti
mef
ort
his.Now
l
etmegosoIcanwork.
Heletmegoandf ol
l
owedmei nside.Iwenttothe
boardr
oom andther
oom wasbuzzingeveryonewas
tal
ki
ng,“HELLO…GUYS!
!”butnobodyheardme,
Khenanwhistl
edloadandthatgotever
yone’
s
att
enti
on,hepickedmeupandputmeont hetabl
e
andIstoodthereinf
rontofever
yone.

Iexpl
ainedthegameplan,whowasgoingand
stayi
ngandwhowoul dbepositi
onedwhere.
Everyonegoti
t,wewereleav
ingin2hours,Keenan
hadgot t
enmoreint
elanditl
ooksliket
hisfucker
hasbeenplanningt
hisatt
ackforawhil
enowandhe
hadanar my!

Il
eftformycarandKhenanf
oll
owedme,
“whyam I
st
aying?”
Me:
What
?Whomustst
ay?
Khenan:
Keenani
sher
e?
Me:
Wor
king!
!Youhav
etost
aywi
tht
hechi
l
dren.
Hi
m:Abebi
?
Me:Sheispregnantwit
htri
plets,andy ouknowhow
f
ussyKhanyicanget.Abebican’thandleit
;Keenan
wi
llbeatthefar
mhousef orthedur at
ionsothekids
needsomeone.
Hi
m:i
sthi
sbecauseofMar
tha.

Thisfuckerhasgottobekiddingme,“areyou
seri
ousr i
ghtnow?Thosef ucki
ngcannibal
Serbi
ans
havemymot herandyouthinkIhaveti
met obe
thi
nkingaboutyourfucki
ngmi st
ress?
”
Hi
m:Iwa-
Me:
sav
eitandgot
akecar
eofmychi
l
dren!

Ilef
thim st
andi
ngther
eanddroveof
f,It
ooka
showerandpackedanoverni
ghtbagandheadedt
o
theair
port.
[
11/
23,
18:
06]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode108

Ilef
thim st
andi
ngther
eanddroveof
f,It
ooka
showerandpackedanoverni
ghtbagandheadedt
o
theair
port.
Threeday sl aterwewereont hej etmaki ngourway
backtoCapeTown, Iwassi tt
ingwi thmymom whi l
e
Katwascl eaningandputtingabandageonherhand.
TheBast ardhadchoppedof ft woofherf i
nger
son
herlefthand.Shel ookedlikeshi t
,it
’salmostli
keshe
wasgonef orweeks,andshel ookedski nnyand
weak.Shel aidherheadonmyl apandshecl osed
hereyes, Iplayedwithherdirt
yhai runtilshewas
asl
eep.Kal i
sasatacrossmel ookinglikeshit
,I
couldn’tevenbebot hered.Ididn’tdoanyoft hisf
or
herbutf ormymot her.

Wel andedandt hecarswer ewaitingforus,i

twas
l
at enowandDumi j
umpedoutt hecarandr ant o
Nana, hekissedherpassi onat
elyandhuggedher .I
didn’twantt odist
urbthensoIj ustnoddedandgot
i
nt ooneoft hecar s,Adedayogoti nwithme,“Sir
?”
hesmi le,“I
’dli
ketoseemydaught er.
”Inoddedand
smi l
edf ai
ntly,
wewai t
edtil
leveryonegotintothe
carsandt herewasaknockatmywi ndowandI
roll
edt hewi ndowdown, andSnakest oodnextto
Kalisa, “BossLady .”
Me:
Yeah.
Hi
m:Uhm,
whataboutKal
i
sa.

Iwast iredandIdi dn’

thavet heener
gyforher
,“bri
ng
herher e.”Iroll
edupthewi ndowandshegotin,
“Thanky -
”Iroll
edmyey es, “
saveitf
orsomeonewho
cares.”Ishutmyey esandputmyhandonmyar m,
feeli
ngt hepai nofthebul
letstil
ll
odgedinme.Ifel
l
asleepont hewayandwokeupi nKhenan’
sarmsas
hewascar r
yingmeupt hest ai
rs.
Hepl acedmeont het oiletseatandr ant hebat h
wat er,Iwassot ir
edandsl eepyIhadnoener gyto
fi
ghthi m of f.Hetookof fmyt opandt henf roze,
“ShitThandoy ou’
rehur t, t
hishasn’tev enbeen
cleaned.You’ regoingt ogetani nfect
ion.”He
openedt hecupboar dundert hesinktogetaf i
rstai
d
kit.Hecutt hebloodycl oththatwast iedar oundmy
arm cov eri
ngt hebulletwound.Thebl oodhad
clottedbecauseofani njecti
onI cegav eme, andit
hadt ur nedbl ackincol or.Khenancl eanedi t,and
thatshi tstungl i
kehel l
, “Thandoy our eall
ywantt o
die?Howlonghast hi
sbull
etbeeni
nher e?”Ij
ust
shruggedandhedisappear
edintot
her oom andonl
y
cameback5mi nut
eslat
er,wi
th2sy r
ingesanda
bottl
eofGin.Hetookasipandhandedmet hebot
tl
e
beforehestar
tedtoremovethebul
let.

*
***
***
***
***
***
**Keenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

At al
l darkmanandKal i
sawalkedinbehindthe
sleepingThandoi nKhenan’
sarms, t
heydisappeared
upstairsleavi
ngmei nanawkwar dposit
ion.Ilooked
atKal i
saandhadnowor dsforher,
Ilookedatt he
man.It ookoutmyhandt oshakehisandhej ust
l
ookedatme, “uhm,ok…I’
m Khenan’
sbr ot
her,are
yout ool i
ketogether
?MustIshowy outoar oom? ”

Themanspokei nathickNigeri
anvoice,
“I’
m hereto
seemydaught er
.”Ohshit,
ital
ldawnedonme.I ’
d
seenthepict
uresbuthelookedsomuchy ounger
andlessscaryIr
eall
ife,
“Uhm, I
’
llg-
”
“Babyt hisi cecream t astesl i
keMaas, andyour
pigletsar ecompl aining…If ee-”shef r
ozeinher
tracks; shewasst andingt herelookingallki
ndof
cute.Shewaswear ingwhi tesocksandmyboxer s,
wi t
hj ustaspor tsbr a,shescr atchedherheadwhich
I’
dj ustf i
nishedplaiting.Shel ookedathi m, “
uhm,
Dad? ”shest ut
tered, hel ookedatmeandt henathi
s
daught er’sstomach, “pigletseh? ”hesaidwitha
crookedsmi l
e.
Abebi
:Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
edad?
Adeday
o:Canaf
athernotcomeseehi
sdaught
er?
Abebi
:Af
terhowl
ong?
Adeday
o:Iwasangr
y,andhur
t.I
’
m sor
rybaby
.

Atearf el
ldownhercheekandmyhear tbroke,I
want edtogr abherandsqueezehert ight,butIwas
scaredofherf ather.Shehadoncet oldmehewas
i
ntodr ugs,butshet oldmemi ldstories;she
obviouslydidn’tknowhowr uthlesshewas.At ear
escapedhi sey etoo,andhequi ckl
ywi pedi taway
andt ookast ept owardsher
,shedi dn’tmov eshe
j
ustcriedharder.Hemanagedtogettoherandhe
hel
dheri nhisarms,andtheycr
iedtoget
her;
they
neededtheirti
meandIt ur
nedaroundtoleav
ethem,
butthenKalisacaughtmyeye.
Me:
You’
rest
il
lher
e?Uf
unani
?
Her
:Thi
sismyson’
shouse,
don’
t-
Me:Don’twhat?Youwerealmosteat
enbytheSer
bs
andyoustil
lhavecheek,
letmegetThandososhe
cansendyoubackwher eyoucamefrom.
Her
:Keenan,
I’
m sor
ry.
Me:
Sosheknowsmyname?

Iclappedandchuckl ed,“It
houghtIwasper manent l
y
‘
bast ard’
toy ou?Buther ewear eadecadesl ater,
hehl ookatGod! ”Ishookmyheadl aughing,I
crossedmyar msandgav eheradi sgustedlook,“go
cl
eanup, youstinkandy oucanst ayinthecottage
outside.Wedon’ twanty oust ar
ti
nganyt r
ouble
again.”Shest ar
tedcr yi
ng,“Keenanpl ease,Ican’
tbe
aloneoutt hereafterwhatj usthappened.”
Me:Ok,takeashowerandI
’
llt
akey
out
oMar
tha’
s
house.

Khenanwal keddownt hestair

sandf oundme
tal
ki
ngt ohismot her,
“Khenanpleaset al
ktoy our
brot
her,heiski ckingmeout .
”Ipret endedtobe
shocked,“Brother?That ’
sanupgr ade,wel ldone
Kali
sa…butt hatdoesn’ tmakeupf ortheshi tyou
causedmeandt hatwomanupst airswhoj ustsaved
yourli
fe,l
et’
snotev entalkaboutmymot her
becauseIwi l
lendupr i
ppingyourheadof fy our
shoulder
swi thmybar ehands.”
Khenan:
Okbabybr
o,cal
m down.
Me:
Arey
out
aki
nghersi
de?
Khenan:Thi
sismyhouseandmymot her
.Mom go
upst
airsandgetcleanedup,I
’l
lfi
xyousomethi
ngt
o
eatwhenI’v
efini
shedattendi
ngtoThando.

Hetur
nedtoAbebi
andtheyspoke,
shewentand
camebackwit
hsyr
ingesandgavethem t
ohi
m.He
gr
abbedgi
nfr
om t
hebarandwentupst
air
s.

Iwassof urious,Il
ookedatAbebi whowaswi t
hher
fat
herandmyey esfel
tli
ketheywer eburni
ngandI
wasgoi ngt ocr yanyminutenow.Ineededt ogetout
ofthere,“I’
l
l giv
ey outwosomespace, I
’m goi
ngfor
adrive.”Igrabbedmykey sbefor
et heycouldsay
anything;Irushedoutanddr oveoff.

*
***
***
***
***
*Thando*
***
***
***
***
***
***
***

Khenantookt hebulletoutandcl eanedmywound

befor
estitchingi tupperfectl
y .Ididn’
tsayanythi
ng,
“Abebi
’sfatheri sdownst air
s.”Hewast ryi
ngto
makeconv ersation,
“hhmmm. ”Wasal lIcoul
dreply,
hehelpedt aket herestofmycl othesofandputme
i
ntothebat htubandhewashedmybody .Whenhe
wasdoneher i
nsedmybodywi ththeshowerhead,
andranmeanewbat haddingmyf av
orit
ebathoils
andbubbles, “letmegety ousomet hi
ngtoeat,I’
l
lbe
ri
ghtback.”
Isatinthebat handhadf l
ashbacksofal ltheevent s
thathadoccur r
edofl at
e,fr
om f i
ndingoutabout
Khenan’saff air
,toal mostlosingmymot her.The
tearsstar
tedf lowi ngandIgr abbedt hebot tl
eofgi n
anddr ankfrom i ttil
lKhenangotback.“ Heydon’ tcry
baby ,
everythingi sokay …you’resafenow, yousav ed
them.”Hepi ckedmeupf r
othet ubandi ntothe
room andhedr iedmeup.It ouchedhi sf acethenhe
l
ookedatme, “hey .”Il
ookedhi mi ntheey es;Iwas
metwi thfear ,
pai nandahi ntofr eli
efinthem, “kiss
me.”IsaidasIpul l
edhisfacet owar dsmi ne,he
stoppedme, “Thandowhatar eyoudoi ng?”
Me:
Iwantt
oki
ssmyhusband.
Hi
m:Thando.

Ismashedmyl i
psonhi sandthenIdidn’tmov e,
he
alsoremainedfrozenunti
lIpart
edmyl ipsand
start
edkissinghim,heletoutasighandr etur
ned
myki ss.Idon’
tknowwhyIwasdoi ngthis,Iwashur
t
andt hetearsweresti
l
lroll
ingdownmycheeks.I
grabbedhi shandandIputi tinbet weenmyl egsand
hest ar tedpl ayingwi thmypeach, Iletoutamoan
andhel ookedatme.Iwasal readywetandheknew
whatIwant ed, hegav emeal ookseeki ngappr ov al
tocont inueandInodded.Heki ssedmedownmy
neckandwor kedonmybr eastanddownt omy
stomach, Iknowhewant edt oeatmypeachbutI
want edt of eelhi mi nsideme.Ist oppedhi m andhe
l
ookedatmeconf used,Ishookmyhead.Hecame
backupt omyf aceandki ssedmewhi leIunbuckl ed
hispant sandpul ledt hem down, het ookt her estof
them of fcompl et ely.Hest oppedki ssi ngmeand
l
ookedatmei nt heey es,“Thandoar ey ousur ey ou
wantt his? ”Iclosedmyey esst il
lcryingandpul led
hiswai stt owar dsme; heposi ti
onedhi msel fatmy
openi ngandt ri
edacoupl eoft i
mest oent erbef ore
hewasf ull
yinsi de.Mywal lswi denedar oundhis
thickshaf tandIgr aspedf orai r,
hest oppedmov ing,
“openy ourey es.”Iopenedt hem andhi swer e
pierci
ngt hroughmysoul andhest artedmov ing
againatav erysl owpace, “Ilovey ouThando. ”I
couldn’ tst opcr y i
ng, thetear sj ustcamepour i
ng.He
l
eanedi nt okissmeev ersogent l
yandIf eltmyf irst
buil
dup, Il etouttinymoansashesentel ectri
c
wav est hr oughmyent irebody.Hepi ckeduphi s
paceandhel dmet i
ghtlyaswebot hcamet oan
orgasm t ogether ,
hest ayedinsidemeandIf el
this
di
ckt witchi ngeacht i
meIt i
ghtenedmywal l
saround
hi
m, event uallyhegotup.Hegotat owel and
cl
eanedusbot h.Wef ellasl
eepi neachot her’
sarms.

Iwaswokenupbyabaddr eam at3:30am; Khenan

wasf astasleepnextt ome.Wewer ebot hnakedand
Iremembert heeventsofl astnight,myar m was
pai ningandsowasmywhol ebody .Thatwasal l
from t herescuemi ssion,IlookedatKhenanandhe
hadadumbsmi l
eonhi sf ace.Igentlygotoutofbed
soIdon’ twakehi m;Iwentt othetoiletandpeed
thenr insedmymout hwi thmout hwash.Whydi dI
hav et osleepwi t
hhim, Ilovehi my es; butIwasnot
ov erwhathedi d.Thepai nofal mostl osingmy
mot hersentmest r
aightintobedwi t
ht hedevil
himsel f.Igotdressedi nani ghti
ewi thagown
bef oreheadi ngdownst ai
rs.IopenedKeenan’ s
bedr oom doorandhel i
ft
edhi shead, Isignal
edfor
himt ocomeout
.Hecameout5mi nutesl
aterand
foundmei nt
hekit
chen,
“Thandoshoul
dn’
tyoube
rest
ing?”
Me:
Ineedt
ogetoutofher
e.
Hi
m:Whatdoy
oumean?
Me:Ineedsometi
mealone,
abr
eakandIdon’
twant
Khenantoknowwher
eIam.
Hi
m:Yousl
eptwi
thhi
m di
dn’
tyou?
Inodded,“howcouldyoubesost upi
d?You’re
emotionalri
ghtnowandhewil
l uset hatt
owiggle
hi
swayback, hewi
llsuey
ourvulnerabil
it
ytohis
advantage.
”
Me:
Iknowandt
hat
’swhyIwantt
oleav
e.Li
kenow!
[
11/
23,
18:
06]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode109

Keenanletoutasighandt ookouthi sphone

sendi
ngat ext,“
grabyouressenti
als.Nocl othes,j
ust
handbagandl apt
opthat’
sit.Don’
tf orgetyour
passpor
t.”Inoddedandtiptoedupst ai
rs,Khenan
wasstil
linthesameposi t
ion.Igr
abbedmyst uff
andabrownpaperbagthenwal
keddownst
air
sand
onl
yputonmyslipper
swhenwewer ei
nthecar.
Keenandr ovetosomemansi oninthemi ddleof
nowhere.Ididn’taskanyquest i
ons,heenteredthe
pinandthegat eopened, wedroveinandwal kedto
thebackoft hehouse.Wegoti nt
oagol fcartand
drovetothelandi ngstri
p, wher
eaj etwaswai ti
ngfor
us.Iobviouslydidn’tknowKeenanaswel lasI
thoughtIdid,andIcoul dn’taskanyquestionsnow
becauseIhadt ogetgoi ng.
Awhi tepilotcamet omeetus, “wherei shet aking
me? ”hedi dn’
tanswermyquest i
on.Hegav emea
hug,“youaskt oomanyquest i
ons.Youwi llreach
yourdest i
nationinabout20hour s,cal lmeont his
phone.Al lmynumber sareprogr ammedi nher e.
Wheny ouland, Mikewillpi
cky ouup, Ihav epeopl e
prepari
ngf ory ourarr
ivalandstay .Takey ourt i
me,
stayasl ongasy ouneed; t
hekidswi ll beonhol i
day
i
nt woweekst i
mesowe’ l
lallf
lytocomeseey ou.I’
ll
tal
kt oyouwheny ouland,hurr
ynow.Hehuggedme
againandki ssedmyf orehead,Iputt hephonei nthe
gownpocket .Hegav emeanudge, “
goon, ”thisfelt
sowei rdbutitwaswhatIneeded.It ur
nedand
walkedawayf r
om him, hegoti ntothecartwhenI
wasinsi deanddr oveoff.Thisjetwasamazi ng,how
doeshekeepsuchawayf rom us?Isatdownand
buckledup, 30mi nuteslaterwewer eintheairandI
l
etoutasi ghofreli
ef.Igrabbedat hrowand
adj
ust edmyseatandf ellasleep.

Iwaswokenupbyal adyshakingmegent ly ,“
good
mor ni
ngma’ am. ”Irubbedmyey es, “we’reaboutt o
l
and, yourt oiletri
esandchangeofcl ot hi
ngi sinthe
bat hroom. ”It hankedherandl ookedoutt hewi ndow,
wewer eflyingov eranoceanbutIwasn’ texact ly
sur ewher ewewer e.Igotint
ot hebat hroom
freshenedupandchanged, t
heyl adyi nformedme
thatIwi l
lhav esomet hingtoeatwhenwear ri
ve.We
l
anded, andwewer ei
nMal e,Mal dives.Itwasst i
ll
dar ksoIcoul dn’treal
lyseethebeaut yoft hepl ace.
Whenwel andedt herewasanSUVwai ti
ngf orme,
andIwasgr eet edbyacol oredguy ,“youmustbe
Mi ke? ”hesmi l
ed, “
yesIam, andwel comet oMal é,
you’ l
llovei ther e.”Igavehim af aintsmi le, Iwas
t
ir
ed,
“youl
ookl
i
key
ouusesomesl
eep.
”
Me:
Iact
ual
l
ysl
eptt
hewhol
efl
i
ght
.
Mi
ke:
Jet
lagwi
l
lhi
tyoubadIt
ell
you.Let
’sgo.

Hegotmyl apt
opbagandwewalkedtothecarandI
goti
nf r
ontwit
hhi
m, “
soyou’
reafr
iendof
Keenan’
s?”
Mike:
Moreli
keabrother
,wegrewuptogether
.I
don’
trememberhav
inganot
herfr
iendbesi
deshim.
Me:
That
’sni
ce,
andhasheal
way
sbeent
hissmar
t?
Mike:That
’sanunder
stat
ement
,I’
venev
erseen
anyonesmarter
…he’sageni
us.
Me:
Ifonl
yhef
ini
shedcol
l
egeandputi
ttogooduse.

Mikelaughedandshookhishead,“Col
legewasa
wasteforsomeoneli
keKay .Theyhavenothi
ngto
teachhim,hencehespentmostofhistimeinthe
computerlab.
”
Me:
Butwhowi
l
lhi
rehi
mjustf
orbei
ngsmar
t?
Mike:Haha…Iguessy
ouhav
en’
treal
l
yaskedhi
m
abouthi
spast
.

Ishookmyheadno,
“Keenanpassedhi
sfi
rstBar
exam i
nmatr
ic.
”
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?Barasi
nthel
aywer
'sBar
?
Hel
etoutachuckl
eandnodded.
Mike:Hi
scousinhadfai
leditt
wiceal
ready;Keenan
st
udiedforaboutamonthandwenttowr i
teforhim.
AndBOMB, hegotithi
sfir
stti
me.
Me:
No.
Him:Ha,t
hisisKeenan.Aft
erthathewas
unst
oppabl
e,he’swri
ttenover50barexamsand
madeakill
ingoffi
t.
Me:
Wai
t,sopeopl
epai
dhi
mtowr
it
efort
hem?
Him: Peopl
epaidhi
mf orever
ythi
ng,fr
om
assignmentsandproj
ectst
oexams.Keenan
droppedoutofuniv
ersi
tybecausetheyref
usedt
o
excludehim.
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
Mike: Hislecturefoughthardforhimtostayin
uni
v ersi
ty,Keenanst oppedpay i
ngthefees.His
l
ecturemadet hepayment s,
Keenanfail
edbecause
hewasn’ tattendingorev enwrit
inghi
spapers, but
hi
sl ecturemadeaway .Thatwaswhenhest opped
goingt oschool allt
ogetherandstart
eddoingwhat
hedoesnow.
Me:
Whi
chi
s?
Mi
ke:
Youknowt
hesecomput
ert
hings.

Ok, hedidn’twantt otell

me, IguessIreall
ydidn’t
knowKeenanaswel lasIt houghtIdi d.WellIwould
hav etopayabi tmoreat tentionandspeakt ohim
mor e.Mi keandIchat tedal ongt hewayabout
random st uffandIwasf eelinghungr y,t
hesunwas
alsocomi ngup.Wegott oahugewhi t
ehouseand
Mi keopenedt hegat ewit hther emot e,“
isthi
sy our
house? ”hechuckl ed,“whywoul dy oustayatmy
house?Mywi fewouldkill me. ”Ilookedathim
conf used,“don’tt
ellme.”henoddedandpar kedthe
car
.

*
***
***
***
***
***
**Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***
***

Iwokeupal itt
leaf ter6am andThandowasn’ ti
n
bedwi thme, Icoul dsmel lherscentont hesheet s
andt hepi l
l
ownextt ome.Igotupandwentt ot he
bathroom t obr ushmyt eeth; t
hebot tl
eofgi nwas
stil
lont hefloorf rom lastni ght.Ipickedi tupand
tooki tdownst airswi thmeaf t
ercleani ngmy selfup.
Ifoundt hechi l
dr eneat ingatt heki tchencount er
withAbebi maki ngt heirlunch.Thatwasst range,
“goodmor ning.”Iki ssedmyki ds,ev eryonegr eeted
meback.Il ookedatAbebi ,“shouldn’ tThandobe
doingt hat ?”Abebi lookedatme, “Ithoughtshe
coulddowi thther estaf t
erwhathappened. ”Ilooked
atherconf used, Ijustwal kedoutandbackupst air
s
toourr oom, Icheckedt hecl osetanddi dn’tfindher.
Ilookedi nev eryr oom oft hehouseandnot hing;I
didn’twantt olosemycool j
usty et.It ookashower
anddr ov etheki dst oschool , “
Ihav ecel loclassaf t
er
t
his,
soLondi
’
spar
ent
swi
l
ldr
opmeof
.”
Me:
Andwheni
srugbypr
act
ice?

Lakhiwegav emet hel ook, “

chillbuddyi twasa
j
oke.”Helookedpi ssedof fandbangedt hedooron
hiswayout .Ok,thathur t
.Idrov etoThando’ shouse
andshewasn’ tt
her e,IcalledDumi andZee…none
ofthem hadseenher .NowIwasget ti
ngwor ri
ed,her
phonewasn’ tgoingt hrough.It houghtwewer e
doingwellafterl
astni ght ,andnowt hi
s.Ihadt of ind
her!I
twasnowar ound9am, Idrov ehomeand
foundKeenanont hecouchonhi sl aptop, “
heybr o.”I
greet
edhim andhegav emet he‘ r
eal l
y?’look,“l
i
st en,
Ican’tf
indThando, Ithinkshedi sappear ed.May be
someonet ookher .”Isai dcompl et elyignoringthe
l
ookhegav eme.
Him: Real
l
y,whowoul deverdothat
?Every
oneisshi
t
scaredofher.She’
sdefeatedev
eryoneandisnow
King,whowoul ddothat
?
Me:
Wel
lmay
besomeonei
str
yingt
ogetr
evenge.
Hi
m:Thent
hati
diotwoul
dbedead;
nobodyhast
he
bal
l
stot
akeheron.
Me:
Whatar
eyout
ryi
ngt
osay
?
Hi
m:Thatmay
beshej
ustl
eftwi
l
li
ngl
y.
Me:
Whywoul
dshel
eav
e?
Him:Becausey
ou’
reat
otal
pri
ck,
andacheat
ing
husband.
Me:
Don’
tdi
srespectmei
nmyhouseKeenan!
!
Hi
m: Ar
ey ougoingtoconst
antl
yremindmethatthi
s
i
s‘YOUR’house?‘YOUR’mother
?‘YOUR’chi
l
dren?Is
t
hatwhatital
way shastocometo?
Me:
Whathasgot
teni
ntoy
ou?
Him: Whathasgott
enintomei st
hatyou’
reso
fuckedupintheheadthatyou’
retoobl
indtosee
whoi sr
eall
ydownf oryou.AndmaybeThandogot
sickofi
tandlefty
ourstupidass!
Me:
What
’sgot
teni
ntoy
ou?
Hi
m: Youhavegott
enintomeKhenan,Idon’tknow
whatthefucki
shappeni
ngtoyou,orwit
hy ou…or
whatever
.Yougoaroundsl
eepi
ngwi t
hotherwomen?
Youwai t
ed5y earswi thouttouchingaf emal eand
theny ougetonepr egnantoutofnowher e.What ’
s
upwi ththat?That’sthequest i
onweshoul dbe
disxussung.Youknowal lt
heshi tKali
sadi dtome,
toy ou,toThando; andy oust i
llt
akehersi deov er
mi neandl etherspendt heni ghtunderthesame
room asus.Sheal mostgoty ourdaught erraped,
shegoty ourwifethrowni njail
,andshet r
iedtokil
l
you.Ifitwasn’tformeandThandoshewoul dhave
succeeded.
Me:
Keenanst
opt
hisnow.

Hewasnowonhi sfeetstari
ngr i
ghtatmeand
shout i
ng,“SHEMURDEREDMYMOTHER! !”Hethrew
apuncht hatl andedonmyj awandIst umbl ed
balancingont hecouch.Hewashuf fi
ngandpuf fing,
I’
dnev erseenKeenanl i
kethis.Hiseyeswer ered,
andhewasf umi ng…hechar gedatmeandwewer e
i
naf ul
lonf i
ghtunt ilAdedayowal kedinandpul led
usapar t,
“Isthishowy ouguy swer eraised?Brothers
fi
ghtingeachot her?You’reamar riedmanwi t
hki ds
andy ou’r
er unningar oundfighti
ngl i
keat eenagei na
streetbrawl, asforyou,Keenan,you’reabouttobea
father.I
st hiswhaty ouwantt oteachmy
grandchildren? ”heshookhi shead,“y
ouguy sneed
togetagr i
pandhandl eyourrubbishlikemen.”He
foldedhisar msasKeenanandIst oodup, hisl
eft
eyewasst artingtoswel l
.IontheotherhandIwas
bleedingthroughmynoseandmyl i
pwasbust .I
heldont omyr i
bcaget hatachedsomuch, andI
l
impedaway .
Keenandi danumberonme, wher edidhelearnto
fi
ght;he’sjustacomputernerd!“WhenIcomeback
down, youmust n’
tbehere.Packy ourshi
tandt ake
yourgirl
fri
endwi t
hyou…”Isaidlimpingaway ,
“I’
m
notgoingany where!
!”hedidthatjustt
ospiteme
andIknowheknowswher eshei s.Thi
smeansIwi l
l
notfi
ndherbecausehei sthebestatwhathedoes.

Iwentupstair
sandcleanedmysel
fup;Ist
ayedinmy
room becausehonest
lyIwasabitembarr
assedto
havebeenbeat enupbymyyoungerbr
other.
Af
tersomet
imeIwal
kedoutofmyr
oom and
downst ai
rs,IfoundAbebidraggingasui t
case
towardsthedoor ,“what
’sgoingon? ”shedidn’
tsay
anythingandt henKeenanwal kedinwithsomeof
herluggage, “
comeonguy s,Iwasangr y
…canwe
tal
klikethisasadults?”
Keenan:
Nowy
ouwantt
otal
kli
keanadul
t?
Me:
Iwaswr
ong,
I’
m admi
tt
ingt
hat
.
Keenan:
You’
reawar
ethatshe’
spr
egnantr
ight
?
Me:Ido,andI’
m sor
ry…Iwi
l
lnotputy
ourbabi
esi
n
danger
.Pleasest
ay?

Ididn’
twai tforananswer ,Iwon’tlieIwasst i
l
langry
.
ButIcoul dn’tendangertheirchil
dr enandIknewI
neededt heirhelpwiththechi l
drennowmor ethan
ever,“noputt hosebagsback.I ’l
l seey ouguysa
l
itt
lelater.
”Idashedoutt hedoor ,stil
li
nabi tofpai
n
fr
om Keenan’ sasswhippi ng.WhenIdr oveoutI
call
edJames, “
hey,youhav ei
t?”
Hi
m:Hi
Khenan,
I’
m goodt
hanksandy
ou?
ME:
Wher
ear
ewemeet
ing?
Hi
m:Igi
veupwi
thy
ou.Meetmeatt
hehouse.
Me:
Cool
,15mi
nut
es.
[
11/
23,
18:
07]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode110

IdrovetoMar tha’ shouseandwai t

edf orJameswho
arri
ved10mi nut esl ateandIknowhedi dt hatshit
i
ntentionall
y.Il etitsl i
p,ThandoandIhav ebeen
givi
nghi m hell forsomet imeandhedeser vestobe
adick.Igotoutt hecarandwemanhugged, hetook
offhispoliceshadeandr anhishandt hroughhi s
sli
ghtl
ygr eyhai r.Hest i
llthi
nkshei sy oung, I
l
aughedt omy self,“let’
sgetgoing! !”wewal kedinto
theyardandi ntot hehouse, Mar t
hawasasl eepon
thecouchandt het wi nswer eint heircotplay i
ng.My
heartjustsmi led, Ilovetheseki ds; butIhat ethat
theywer ear esul tofbei ngunfaithf ul
.Iwal kedov er
tothecotandTani yahi mmediat elyputherhandsup
andjumpedsi gnal l
ingformet opi ckherup.I
grabbedherandshesqueal edinamusement ,
Zekia
ontheot herhandl ookedupatmeandgotbackt o
hertoys.Isweart hischildhatesme…Idon’ tknow
why .Jameswaswaki ngMar thaupwhi l
eIwal ked
upst airstopackt heirbags…Il eftZeki
adownst ai
rs
sinceshe’ sact i
ngl i
keabr atandTani yahwast oo
excitedt ohav ealltheattent i
on.Iplacedheront he
fl
oorandshest artedrunni ngar oundkickingabal l
andt hrowingshitaround.Shewasshout ing‘Kenny’
i
nherbabyl anguageandt uggingatmyf eet.Igot
outt heirbagsandt heirneat l
ypackedcl othesand
packedaway .Ipackedabout2weekswor t
hof
clothes; Iwouldbebackf ormor e.Icarri
edt hebags,
“Tee, let’
sgobaby .
”Sher ant owar dsmeandt r
ipped;
shegotbackupandr anint omyar ms.Ishookmy
head, t
hisonewasgoi ngtobet roubl
e,andj ustasI
gotupIwasmetwi thasl apacr ossmyhead, “
you’r
e
takingmybabi esawayf rom me?Khenany oucan’t
dot hist ome. ”
Me:
Noti
nfr
ontoft
hechi
l
dren.Don’
t.

Shesobbedsof
tl
yandshelookedatmewi t
hso
muchhateandhurt
,“y
ouwillsi
gnthosedocuments
andl
eavetoni
ghti
fyoudon’twantthi
stogetmessy.
Nowmov eoutofmyway.”Sheletoutaloudercr
y,
“Khenanpleasedon’
tdot
his,
Ihavetoseethem.
Youcan’twipemeoutofthei
rli
ves.
”Il
ookedather
,
“ar
ey ousure?”
Her
:Iwi
l
lgot
othepaper
s.
Me:
Youwi
l
ltel
lthem what
?
Her
:Ev
ery
thi
ng.

Jameswal kedinr i
ghtatthatmoment ,“youguys
candi scussthisinpri
vate…10mi nut esKayt hen
we’releav i
ng.
”Het ookTani yahf r
om meal ongwith
thebagsandl eftmeandMar t
haint hebedr oom.I
turnedt ofaceher,“whatwer eyousay i
ng? ”she
didn’trespond,“oh…thepr essright…pl ease
proceed. ”
Her
:Khenanpl
ease,
Ican’
tloset
hem.
Me:Youknowi fy
ouhadtakenthemorni
ngaft
erpil
l
noneofthiswoul
dbehappeni
ng.Whatdidy
outhink
you’
dachieve?
Her
:Khenanpl
ease.
Me:
Itol
dyouIam notl
eav
ingher
;youwer
ejustt
oo
st
upi
dtobel
i
evet
haty
oucoul
dtr
apmewi
thababy
.
Her
:Khe-
Me: Sshhhh…y ou’regoi ngt ocl eany oursel
fupand
godownst airsandsi gnt hosepaper s.Thej etwi l
lbe
wai ti
ngf ory ouat18h00andy ouwi l
l f
lytoJHB, on
thef ir
sty ouwi l
lstar tanewj obt heyar eexpect i
ng
you.Wheny ouar riveacarwi l
ltakey out oy our
apar tment ,thet i
tledeedi siny ourname, andi t’
s
your s.Everymont hont hef ir
stR20000wi l
l be
transferredi ntoy ouraccountf orthenext12mont hs.
Af terthatitst ops, youkeept heapar tmentandt he
car ;Idon’twantt oseey ouinCapeTownev eragain.
IfIev engetawaf tofy ourper fumeIwi llfi
ndy ou
andki llyou.I fyougot ot hepaper sIst ri
py ouof
ev erythi
ngandy ouwi l
l sufferandt hendi eapai nful
deat h.Buti fy oucooper at eyoumi ghtjustbel ucky
andgetav isitev erynowandt hen.”Shewi pedher
tear saway ,“Khenanpl ease.Iwon’ tgot othepaper s,
canIst ayandwecanwor konamont hlyvisit
…Iwi l
l
notcauseanyt roubl e.
”
Shewasnowonherknees, “Mart
ha,don’tmakeme
doany t
hingwor se.Getup,youl
ookpat hetic…I’
ll
be
backlaterontopi ckt
hem papersup.”Iwal kedout
andmetJamesbymycar ,
hehadal r
eadyst r
apped
myprincessesi nandhewasr eadytogo, “Ithi
nk
you’
reforgetti
ngsomet hi
ngbuddy.”Hel ookedatme
conf
used, “Kal
isa?”
Hi
m:Ohshi
t,l
etmegett
hat
.
Hewenttot
hecarandgavemeanenv
elope,
“you’
re
r
eal
lycl
eani
ngupshoparen’
tyou?
”
Me: DoIhav eachoi ce,
sheupandl ef
tme…sot he
l
eastIcandoi scl eanupmyactandmakeshi tri
ght.
Ican’tt
urnbackt hehandsoft i
me.IfIcouldIwas
goingtoforcethosemor ningaft
ersdownhert hroat
,
bettery
etnotev enlayaf ingeronher.Butit
’sdone
andIdon’tknowanybet terwayt ofi
xthis.
Hi
m: Ihopei
tworks,becausewhenyouandThando
ar
efi
ght i
ngoneofyouisalwaysbar
gingi
ntomy
of
fi
ceunannounced.
Me:Well
Ihopesotoo,
letmegodeal
wit
hMot
her
Wi
tch,
I’
llt
alkt
oyoulat
er.
Hi
m:Cool
.

IdroveofftothehouseandwhenIgott her
eZekia
wasasleepinherseat ,Icarri
edTaniyahoutandput
heronthefloorandcar ri
edhersisterinmyar ms,
“comebaby …”shef oll
owedmet othedoor.I
honestl
ydidn’tknowwhatIwasdoi ng,orevenifI
wasgoingabouti ttherightway.Butthatwast he
l
eastofmywor ri
es.Keenanwassi t
ti
nginthelounge
helookedupatme, “arethesethelovechil
dren?”
whatanass, wewer ef i
ghtingnotsolongagobut
nowhewast easingme, “shutupandwat chthem
forme,Ihavesomet hi
ngt otakecareof.
”
Hi
m:I
sthi
syouf
ixi
ngt
hing?
Me:
That
’swhaty
out
oldmet
odor
ight
?
Him:Wel
lIdi
dn’
tsaygoki
l
lthei
rmot
herandki
dnap
herki
ds.
Me:
She’
sal
i
ve,
justwat
cht
hem wi
l
lyou.

IhandedZeki
atohi
m andshewasst
il
lasl
eep
sucki
ngherthumb, “
watchoutforthi
sone,she’sa
busybody
.”IpointedatTani
yah.Keenansmiled,I
thi
nkhewasexci t
edbecausehewoul dhav
e
chi
ldr
enofhisownsoon.
Me:
Wher
eisKal
i
sa?
Hi
m:I
nherr
oom It
hink,
don’
tcar
e.
Me:
Iwon’
tev
enask.

Iwalkedupthestai
rsandknockedonKalisa’s
bedroom door
,“comein.
”Iopenedthedoorandshe
wasont hebedinagownr eadi
ngthebibl
e.Iroll
ed
myey estomyselfandwalkedi
n,“howarey ou
feel
i
ng?”
Her:Bet
tert
hanks,
wher
eisThando?Iwant
edt
o
speaktoher
.
Me:Don’
tworr
yaboutThando;
Ineedt
ohaveawor
d
wi
thyou.Canyoucomedowntomystudy
?
Her
:Soundsser
ious,
what
’swr
ong?
Me:
Pleasebedownt
her
ein10mi
nut
es.
Her
:Ok.

Icl
osedthedoorbehindmeandheadedt ot hest
udy,
Ipouredmyselfascotchanddownedandt henli
ta
ci
garett
e.Kal
isaknockedonthedoorsoft
ly,“Come
i
n.”Iputoutt
hecigarett
eandpouredanotherdri
nk
andwenttositinmychair.
Me:
Youcansi
t.
Her
:Isev
ery
thi
ngok?
ShesatdownandIsli
dtheenvel
opetoher
,she
l
ookedatmequizzi
cal
ly,
“Khenanwhati
sthi
s?”
Me: Openit.I’
vebookedy oui
ntoahotelf
ortoday
andtonight.Yourplaneti
cketi
sintheenvel
opeand
youleavemi ddaytomor r
ow.Youcangobackt ot
he
houseinJamai cabutitisinThando’
sname.Sowe
waitti
llshegetsbackt odeci
dewhatwill
happen.
Her:Youwouldl
ethert
aket
hehomeawayf
rom me?
Thatisourhome.
Me:
Igav
eitt
oher
.
Her
:Khenanwhyar
eyoudoi
ngt
his?
Me: Thereisacont racti
ntheenv el
ope;Ineedyouto
signit
.Inanut shelli
t’
sgivi
ngy ou5%oft heoil
companyt hatIhavewi t
hEgypt.Soyouwi l
lgetyour
yearl
ydividend,ther
ei s5mill
ionthathasbeen
tr
ansferr
edt oyouraccountandthatisastart
erpack.
Her
:Khenan,
whyar
eyoudoi
ngt
his?
Me:
BecauseI
’
m cl
eani
ngupal
lthet
oxi
nsi
nmyl
i
fe.
Her
:Igav
ebi
rt
htoy
ou,
andy
ou’
recal
l
ingmet
oxi
c.
Me:YoudidandI’
m sograteful
,buty
ouconspi
red
wi
thmybr ot
hertogetmeki l
l
edandmakemywi f
e
cr
azy.Yousetheruptogetarrest
ed…
Her
:Sot
hisi
sal
lThando’
sdoi
ng?
Me:
Noit’
snot
.Youkeptmybrot
herawayf
rom me
f
ormostofmyl
if
eandhadhismothermur
der.
Her
:Khenan!
!
Me:What?You’
regoi
ngt
otel
lmet
hati
t’
sal
lal
i
e?
Pl
ease,
Idareyou.
Her:
Khenan,
you’
reoutofy ourgoddamnmi
nd.Iam
r
ight
ful
l
yenti
tl
edtothati
sland.
Me:Noy ou’
renot…youhaveyourhousei
nJamai
ca,
soyoucangot her
e.Ineedyoutosi
gnonthat
dot
tedl
ine,andyoucangetoutofmyhouse.

Idi
dn’twaitf
orar esponse; It
ookmydr i
nkbackand
l
eftherintheoff
iceal one.AndfoundAbebifeedi
ng
Tee,Zeki
awasst illf
astasleep…thischi
ldt
hough.I
satdownandwat chedAbebi andTee,“I
’
m sorry
aboutearl
i
er.”
Abebi
:Don’
tment i
onit;
Keenandi
dn’twantmet o
l
eaveanyways.Iguessyoutooar
ejustbothi
diot
s.
Me:
Ha…wel
lI’
l
ltakei
tbecauseI
’
llneedy
ou.
Her
:I’
m pr
egnantr
emember
?
Me:
We’
l
lmakeapl
an,
butIneedy
ounow…

Ismi
ledandgaveherpuppydogey
es,
“whydoIf
eel
l
ikeI
’
m goingt
oregrett
his?
”
Me:
Becausey
ouwi
l
l,i
tinv
olv
esshoppi
ng.
Her
:No…Il
ovey
oual
ot…Butno.
Me:
It’
sfort
heki
ds’
room,
comeon.
Her
:Hi
resomeonet
odoi
t.
Me:
I’
ll
gety
ouany
thi
ngy
ouwant
.
Her
:Any
thi
ng?
Me:
Wel
lwi
thi
nreasonabl
emeasur
eofcour
se.
Her
:Howr
easonabl
e?
Me:
Spi
titout
,whatdoy
ouwant
?
Her
:I’
l
lthi
nkaboutit
…Ishopf
rom t
hehouse.Whi
ch
r
oom wereyouthi
nking?
Me:Nextt
ot hemast erbedr
oom,Ithi
nki
t’
sbig
enought
ofitthem bothfort
henext10year
s.
Her
:Al
ri
ght
,budget
?
Me:
Uhm…j
ustdowhatneedst
obedone.
Her
:HaHa…oh,
wel
lthenIt
hinkr
easonabl
e
measur
eju-
Me:Shutup.Ineedt
ofi
ndadaycar
efort
hem,
anda
nanny
.
Her
:ButMar
yisher
e.
Me:
Mar ycan’
thandl
eKhany
ionherown…now
i
maginetwi
ns.
Her
:Speaki
ngofKhany
i,howwi
l
lyouexpl
aint
hist
o
t
hekids?
Me:
Idon’
tknow…Ir
eal
l
ydon’
t.
Keenan:
Easy
,heyki
dsI’
m al
it
tlebi
tchandcheat
ed
onyourmom,nowherei
stheresul
t.

Hesaidthatwal
ki
nginhol
dingabeer
,Abebishot
hi
mt heeye,“
ohI’
m sor
ryf
orthel
anguagebutyou
gett
hepointri
ght
?”
Abebi
:What
’st
hati
nyourhand?
Hi
m:Uhm?
Abebi
:Don’
tmakemer
epeatmy
sel
f,wehadadeal
.
Hi
m:Hayimanbaby
,youwer
eser
ious?It
houghti
t
wasaj
oke.
Abebi:
Itwasajoke,whydon’
tyougr
abmeacold
onetoo,Khenanshoul
dhegetyouabeert
oo?
Me:
Don’
tgetmei
nvol
ved.
Hi
m:Ok,
thi
sist
hel
astone.
Abebi
:Fi
nishi
t…Idar
eyou.
Him:You’
resoabusi
vebaby
,Ir
egr
etev
erknocki
ng
youup.

Ichuckledandhehandedmet hebeer,
whi chIgladl
y
accepted, “
stepmot herwhereareyougoi ngall
packed? ”Kalisadidn’tanswerhim andshewal ked
str
aightout …Justt henAbebi ’
sdadwal kedinandI
hadn’tevenr eali
zedt hathewasst i
llar
ound.Igotup
andwentoutt ohaveaci garett
e;hefol
lowedme
outsi
de, “di
dy oujustkicky ourmotherout?”
Me:
YesIdi
d.
Hi
m:Why
?
Me:Idon’tagreewi
thwhatshehasdone,shehas
hur
tmyf amilywaytoomuch,shei
sav i
rusandshe
i
sspreadingandteari
ngusup.
Hi
m:Us?
Me:
Me,
mywi
fe,
mybr
other
.
Hi
m:Butshei
syoumot
hert
r-
Me: Wit
hallduer espectSir,t
hereisnothingy oucan
saytoconvi
ncemeot herwise.Il
oveherast he
womanwhogav ebirt
ht ome, butanythi
ngel se,
unfort
unat
elyIjustcannot .Ihaveaf amilythatI
needtoprotectandhav ingheraroundcl oudsmy
j
udgementofcer tainthings.
Him:Okson,Iunderst
and.Well
,youaremorethan
themanIthoughtyouwere,I
’v
eheardallt
hestori
es.
Butyouar
en’tthemonsterev
eryonethi
nksyouare.
Me:
Notev
encl
ose,
mywi
fei
s!!
Him:Ha,butonaseri
ousnote;
you’
redoingagreat
j
ob!!
Actual
lyI
’m gl
adtohav
emydaught erar
ound
you…
Me:
Thanky
ou,
itmeansal
otcomi
ngf
rom y
ousi
r.
Hi
m:Sowhat
’st
hepl
an?
Me:
Idon’
twantt
oli
etoy
ou…Idon’
tknow.

Helef
tmet ofi
nishofftheci
gar
ett
e,andIwasl
eftt
o
t
hinkaboutt
hepl anIhad.
[
11/
23,
18:
07]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode111

Thandohadbeengonef oraweeknowandshe
hadn’tcommuni cated.Istoppedtryi
ngtof i
ndher
andf ocusedonmyf amily
.Abebi di
dgreatwi ththe
twins’room andtheylovedit,Iwashav i
ngal otof
sleeplessni
ghts.Il
ov emybabygi r
lsbuttheyarea
nightmare.
IpickedKhanyiupfrom school
onFri
day
,“Heydad…
youwouldn’tbel
iev
et hedayIhad.
”Toomuchdrama,
Icannevergetusedt oit
.
Me:
Youwantt
otel
lmeabouti
tov
eri
cecr
eam.
Her
:No,canwegethotchocol
ateandwat
cha
movi
e?
Me:Wecandot hatwhenwegethome,butther
eis
somet
hingIneedtotal
ktoy
ouaboutfi
rst.
Her
:Ok.
Me:
Wher
edoy
ouwantt
ogowher
ewecant
alk?
Her
:Let
’sgot
othebeach.
Me:
Alr
ightt
hebeachi
tis.

Wedr ovetothebeach,“
daddy ,whenismommy
cominghome?I t’
sbeensol ong.”Thi
sbrokemy
hear
t,“Idon’
tknowhoney ,butwecancallherwhen
yougethomehow’ sthat?”shenodded,“Sowhatdi
d
youwantt ot
alkabout?”
Me:Aboutt
het
wins,
doy
oul
i
kehav
ingt
hem att
he
house?
Her
:Yeah,
Iguess.
Me:
Wel
ltheyar
egoi
ngt
oli
vewi
thusf
orev
er.
Her
:Ok.
Me:
TeeandZeki
aar
eyoursi
ster
s.
Her
:Sodoest
hatmeanI
’
m nott
hebabyany
mor
e?
Me:
Yes,
you’
ret
hei
rbi
gsi
ster
.
Her
:It
’saboutt
ime.Ar
etheyMommyK’
sbabi
esor
MommyThando?
Il
etoutasi
gh,
“No,
from Mar
tha.
”
Her
:Whoi
sthat
?
Me:Sheusedtobeaf
ri
endofmi
ne,
andt
henshe
f
ell
pregnant
.
Her
:Sowher
eisshenow?
Me:
Shehadt
ogoaway
.
Her
:Li
keMommyK?
Me:
Yes,
somet
hingl
i
ket
hat
.
Her
:Ok,Idon’
tmindhav
ingt
hem li
vewi
thus.I
’v
e
wai
tedforsol
ongtobeabigsi
stersoI
’
m happy.
Wil
lThandobethei
rmommytoo?
Me:
Ifshecomesback,
theny
es.
Her
:Ok…Iunder
stand.
Me:
Arey
ousur
eyoudon’
twantt
oaskmeany
thi
ng?
Her:No…wecangohomenow.Ir
eal
l
yneedt
hathot
chocol
ate.

Khany
ihadgr
ownsomuchandsher
eal
l
ywasn’
tthe
babyany mor e.Idrovehomeandshet ookabat h
andshegoti ntobed,herbedt hi
st i
me.Idon’ teven
rememberwhenl astshesl eptinmi ne.Lakhiwe
wasn’taroundf ortheweekendhewasatacamp,
whichmademehappybecausehenev erdoes
anythi
ngout side.Iwentandt ookashower ;Ihad
pickedupt hekidsev erysingledayf rom school.I
gotanannyf orthetwins.Nexty eartheycouldstart
atdaycar e.Iwashomei ntimet omakesupper
everynight,t
hiswasal ot.Icouldn’tletgoofMar y
soIhiredheratoneoft hehot el
sandgav ehera
l
ittl
eraise.

Aft
ereveryonehadsleptIwenttothest
udy,
I
openedtheenvelopeandtookadeepbreat
hand
si
gnedev ery
whereIneededto.Igotacl
eansheetof
paperandwr ot
eal et
ter
:

Dear
estwi
fe.
..
Sometimes,t
herear
esimplynowor
dst hatcan
adequatel
yexpr
essthedept
hofaperson'sfeel
i
ngs
t
hatareplaguedbyregr
et,guil
tandsadnessf
ora
wrongdone.Thisi
smypr edicamentnowforhur
ti
ng
yousobadlywheny out
rustedmeso.
Athousand" I
'm sorry"I'
m wil
li
ngtosaybutIknowi t
can'tundowhathasbeendoneandi twon' teasethe
paininy ourheart.Instead,l
etmewr it
et hi
st olety
ou
knowt hatIregrettedmyact i
onsandcheat ingon
youi scertai
nlyanunf orgiv
ablemistake.Itotall
y
deser v
eal lt
heangerandr esentmentfrom y oufor
whatIhav eputyout hrough.
Howev er
,ital
sopai nsmet oseey ousuff
eringasa
resul
tofmymi sbehav i
our.Guiltbur
nsinmyhear t
thi
nkingofallt
hehur tthatyoumusthav efelt
becauseofmyr ecklessness.EachtimethatIt hi
nk
ofyou,Igetangr ywithmy selfbecauseIcanimagi ne
allt
hebitt
ertearsy oumusthav eshedwheny ou
l
earnedofmyi ndi scret
ion.
I
'mf eel
ingl i
kethisbecauseIknowthereissti
lll
ove
foryougl owinginmyhear t
.Otherwi
se,Iwouldn'
t
havecar edonebi tandmov edon.ButIdon'
twant
thi
sr el
ationshi
ptoendsi mplybecauseIsti
l
lcare
deeplyabouty ouandl oveyouwithal
lmyhear t
.I
tr
ulywanty
out obehappyagai
nwi
thmest
il
lbei
nga
partofy
ourli
fe.
Well,
ami stakeisami st
ake.IknowIdon'thavethe
ri
ghttoaskany thi
ngfrom youwhenIhav efool
ishly
betr
ayedy ourtr
ustinme.Buti fyoucanfi
nditin
yourhearttoforgi
vemeandgi vemeanother
opportuni
tytoprovetoyouhowmuchIl oveyou,I
wil
lbev er
y ,
veryrel
iev
edindeed.Forthatwould
mean, Ist
il
lhavethechancet oloveandcheri
shy ou.
Andachancet omakey ourfutureahappi
eronewi th
morelaughterandlesstears.
Howev erifyoudof eelt
hatthi
swi ll
betoomuchf or
youIwi l
lunder st
and.Icannotf orceyoutoloveme,
t
of orgi
veort ogi vemeanot herchance.I
’v
esigned
t
hedi vorcepaper s,andifyoufeelwecannol onger
maket hi
swor k…y oucansubmi tthem t
oy our
l
awy erandIwi l
lgiveyouthedivorceyouwant
wit
houtf ight
ingy ou.
I
’l
lstoptherebeforeIbr
eakdown.Ihaveal
ways
l
oved,Isti
ll
lovey ounowandIwil
lfor
everl
oveyou.I
wil
lneverstop…
Takecar
eofy
our
sel
f.

Lov
eK.

Iwentdownst
air
s,“
Keenanpl
easegett
hist
o
Thando.
”
Hi
m:Whati
sthat
?
Me:
Shoul
dyoubehav
ingt
hatbeer
?
Hi
m:What
’si
ntheenv
elope?
Me:
Div
orcepaper
s.

Igr
abbedhi
sbeerandt
ookasi
p,“
justgett
hem t
o
her
.”
Hi
m:Ar
eyousur
eaboutt
his?
Me:That
’swhatshewantsright
?Ican’
tfor
ceherto
st
ay…andIcan’tkeepapol
ogisi
ng.Soi
tiswhati
tis.
Hi
m:Iknowwef
ightandshi
tbuti
sthi
sreal
l
ythe
wayt
ogoabouti
t?Whati
fshej
ustagr
ees?
Me:Thenitwasnev ermeantt obeandIhav eonly
myselftoblamef orit
..
.justsendt hegoddamnthi
ng
anddon’ttalkaboutitanymor e.
..andli
stent
oyour
gi
rl
..
.stopdr i
nking.
Hedidn’tr
epl
yandIl ef
thiml i
kethat.Iwenttomy
room andIgotsomewor kdone,Ineededtof ocus
becauseIthi
nkIhadbi t
tenoffmor ethanIcould
chew.ButIwasn’tgoingt obeabadf ather,
soI
neededtodoany t
hingtobet hebestfatherever!
!

Thet hreeweekswer ehect i

candhonest l
yspeaking
mynewr ecepti
onistwasj ustadisasterandI
missedMar t
haandt hewayshewor ked,wor konl
y
nothingelse.It
houghtaboutcal l
ingLer atobutI
couldn’tri
skthatshouldThandocomeback.The
ki
dswentawaywi thKeenanandAbebi tov i
si
t
Thandof oraweek.Iwasst rucki
nt heof ficeand
buryingmyheadi nwor k,thiswastheonl ychanceI
gotbecauseIwasnowaf ullt
imesinglepar entandI
couldn’tbeoutlatehavingmeet i
ngs, myf ami l
y
neededmenowmor
ethanev
er.
Thepaperswerewr it
ingaboutus,Iwassi
tti
ngi
nthe
off
iceandreadi
ngt henewsofar umouraboutmy
chi
ldrenwhenIreceivedacall
,“KhenanDeCost
a
hel
lo.
”
Her
:MrDeCost
a,howar
eyousi
r?
Ithoughtt
omysel
fbefor
ereply
ing,whoiscal
li
ngme
onmycel l
?Iwasconf
used,“
Hi,I’
m goodma’am
yoursel
f?”
Her:
I’
m goodsir,I
’m sor
ryt
ocal
lyouony
ourpr
ivat
e
l
inebutIcan’
treachChef.
Me:
Whoi
sthi
s?
Her
:I’
m sor
ry,
it’
sPeggy
.
Me:
Peggy
?
Her
:Yessi
r,Jamai
camecr
azy
.
Me:
Oh,
sor
ryaboutt
hat
,howcanIhel
p?
Her:
WeneedThandoher
e,l
i
keasi
nnow.
..t
heyar
e
shut
ti
ngt
hepl
acedown.
Me:
Why
?
Her
:Justpl
easegetherher
e..
.
Iheardav oi
ceint hebackgr ound, “
Ma’ am youall
needt oleavenow. ”Thephonecut ,whatt hehell
,
whywoul dtheyshutdownThando’ sr est
aur ant
?I
pickedupmykey sandj acket,thent ol
dthenewki d
tocancel myday ,Irushedov erthere.WhenIgot
therewasal ockont hedoorandt hest affwas
outsidelookingwor ri
ed,“Thandoi sonherway ,
”
Peggywast alki
ngt oSiphiwe.Ir ecognisehimf rom
ourhot elr
estaurants;Idon’tknowwhathedoes
reall
y.
Igotoutthecar
,“y
ousee,It
oldy
ousomeonewas
coming.
..MrDeCostat
hankyouforcomi
ng.
”
Me:
Siphi
wewhat
’sgoi
ngon?
Peggy
:He’
stal
ki
ngaboutanexpi
redl
i
cense…
Ididn’
tev enlookather,
Ihadgotteni
ntotoomuch
troubl
ewi ththeseassi
stancesandmanagers,
“Siphi
we? ”hepulledmeasideandexplai
nedthe
situat
ion.Fuck,Thandoalwayshadevery
thi
ngin
orderhowcoul dshenotseet hi
s?
Me:
Siphi
we,
youcoul
dn’
tev
engi
vemeaheadsup
andwar
nme?
Him:Mymanageri
sonmyassandhef eel
st hat
peopl
ear
etaki
ngadvant
agebecauseoft
heirstat
us.
Me: So,what’
sacall
befor
eyoucomeher et
ocause
havoc?YouknowIwasgoi ngtosor
tthi
sout.This
rest
auranthasbeenrunni
ngfory
earsandnowt hi
s?
Therewer epeopl etakingpi ctures, “
Tomor rowIwant
thi
splaceopen, sendmewhat everneedst obedone
andIwi l
lsortitout .
..you’refuckedup. ..(
Het riedto
tal
k..
.Ishuthim up)Justgi vemet hef i
neandt ell
mewhatIneedt odo. ”Het r
iedt ospeakandI
stoppedhim agai n,hegav emeaf ewpaper sandI
walkedov ertowher et hest affwasgat hered,“guy s,
gohome. ..comebackt omor row.Ineedev eryone
herewhetherit’sy ourshi f
tornot .Ifanyofy ouar en’
t
herethenconsi dery ourselfunempl oyed.Weopen
thedoorsasnor mal .
”Ev eryonegoti ntotheircars
anddr ov
eaway ...
.Icalledtheof ficet hatIwasn’ t
cominginf orther estoft hedayandIheadedt o
Thando’shouseandwentt oherst udyandgotal l
thedocument sIneeded.ThenIpi ckedupt hephone,
“Ben,howar ey oumyf riend?”
Ben:
Oh,
hel
i
ves.
..
Me:Li
stenher
e,Thando’sr
estaur
antwasshutdown;
Idon’
tknowwhatallt
hisshi
tisabout
.
Ben:
Iknownot
hingoft
hesor
t,whodi
dthi
s?
Me: Si
phi
we,pleasedealwi
thhim.
..I
’
m sendi
ngyou
al
lthatImanagedtoget.Wil
lyoubeabl
etosorti
t
out
?
Hi
m:Any
thi
ngf
ory
ou,
Iowey
oumyl
i
fe.
..
Me:
Thanksbuddy
..
.lat
er.

Aft
erhangingupIhear dashuf f
learoundt hehouse..
.
Idi
dn’tevenknowwher eThando’ sgunwas. ..guns
rat
her.Iwentovertohersafeandpunchedi n4878...
Nopenot hi
ng,herbir
thday,mineandt hekidsst i
l
l
nothi
ng.Ohf uckit
..
.Iwalkedoutoft hestudyand
l
ookedar oundthehouset i
ll
IfoundSphai nt he
Kit
chen,“andthen?”
Hi
m:Andt
henwhat
?
Me:
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Hi
m:Icamet
oseeThando.
..
Me:
Ok.
Igrabbedmykeysandwal
kedtowar
dst
hedoor
,
“Khenan?”hecal
l
edaft
erme.
Me:
What
?
Hi
m:Wher
eisshe?
Me:Checkyourt
racki
ngdev
ice.
..andclosethe
f
ri
dge.Youknowhowsheget saboutthatshit
.
Hescr atchedhi sheadbecausehehadn’ tclosedt he
fri
dge; I’vealmostdi edbecauseoft hatonet i
me.I
chuckl edt omy selfandwal kedaway ..
.hewasst i
ll
shoutingaf t
ermeandIdi dn’ trespondbutIdr ovet o
theot herr estaurant.Ikeptt hinkinginmyheadt hat
i
fSphadoesn’ tknowwher eshei sthensher eal
ly
doesn’ twantt obef ound.Di dshet r
ustKeenant hat
much, andwasKeenant hatgoodt ogetheroutt he
countywi thoutSphaknowi ng?Ismi l
edand
applaudedmybr otheri nmyheadandpar kedatt he
restaur ant.WhenIwal kedinev eryoneseemedt o
panicatmysi ght .Ispoket ot hemanagerwhol ed
met ot heof f
iceandsheshowedmeev eryt
hing,ok
ev erythi ngher ewasupt odat e.Iwalkedar ound
Thando’ sof fi
ceandi twassuchamess, Istil
ldon’ t
under standhowshewor ksli
ket hi
s.Andj usttot hink
thatherki tchenisspot l
ess,from topt obot t
om.She
hadamugwi thmacar onialloveritandt hatwas
from Khany i
,Ibetifshesawt hatshewoul ddeny
maki ngi t
.Theof ficewasf ul
l ofpictur
esofherand
theki ds, andf unnyenought her ewasn’ tev enonof
me. .
.Il etoutagi ggle,andIwal kedoutoft heof fice.
Idi dn’tact uallyknowmuchaboutThando’ swor kso
thiswasact uall
ycool ,
theytookmear oundt he
placeandIgotadr inkfrom thebarbef orewewent
tot heki tchen.Thest affwaspr eparingf ordi nner
ser vicenow, “
andt hisisThando’ swor kst ati
on. ”Her
managersai d, “
Andnobodywor ksherewhet hershe
i
sher eornot .
”Ilookedatt het ableandal lherkni fes
wer esetouti nor derandatacer tai
nangl e,I
reachedoutt opickupakni f
e, “Iwouldn’tdot hatifI
wer ey ou. ”
Me:
Whynot
?
Her
:Shesaidshewil
lchopoffany
one’shandthat
t
oucheshershi
t.Andshewil
lusethekni
fethey
t
ouchedt
odoi
t.
Ichuckledtomysel
f,andshelookedatme,I
shruggedandthenshelookedup..
.Ifol
l
owedher
eyes,andther
eIwas.
Sheputmeuponherki t
chenceili
ng,that’
ssowei rd
butatthesameti
meIloveditandIsmi ledtomy sel
f.
“Shealwaysl
ooksupwhenwemakeherangr y.
..she
hadthename‘DUMI’i
ncapsbef oreshepaintedthat
one.”
Me:
Wai
tshepai
ntedt
hisher
sel
f?
Her:Yi
p..
.theki
tchenwasshutdownf
oragoodt
wo
weekswhileshedidthi
s.
Me:
It’
sbeaut
if
ul.
..I
’
m speechl
ess.
Her:
Taket
his.
..y
’al
lwasn’
tev
enmar
ri
edwhenshe
di
dit.
Me:
Wer
en’
t.
..wer
en’
tmar
ri
ed.
Her:Well
nowIknowwhyshedi
dit.
..y
ouguys
soundthesame.May
beyouwil
lwanttoseet
his.
It
urnedar
oundandl
ookedather
,“what
?”she
gi
ggledabi
t,“
fol
l
owme.”If
oll
owedherontothe
rest aur antf loorandshehandedmeamenu.I
l
ookedatherqui zzi cally; shejustl aughedand
fl
ippedt hepage, f uckt hiswoman! !Thandowas
somet hingel se,ther ewasawhol ef ourcour semeal
namedaf terthef ami l
y; myf ami l
yandi thadal lof
ourf avour i
tes.Khany iwoul dlov et hi
ssomuch
becauset hei n-housei ce- cream wasnamedaf ter
her e.Il etoutasi ghandt earst hreatenedmyey es,
howcoul dIbesobl ind.Il i
ftedmyheadandt ooka
properl ookatt her est aur antandt herewer epi ctures
post edev ery wher eofev eryonei mpor t
anti nherl ife,
from Dumi t
oNana, Zeeandt henherf riendsandmy
fami l
y.FunnyenoughSphawasal soont hewal l
...I
didn’ tmi nd.Ihandedt hemenubackt oherand
l
ookedar ound.Ther est aur antwasf ulloff ami l
ies
andt heywer ehav ingagr eatt ime. .
.therewer eot her
pictur esont hewal lsofcust omer sandt hei rnotes
descr i
bi ngt hei rexper ienceatt her estaur ant .She
framedeachandev eryoneoft hem.Igotso
emot ional andIwal kedout ,“MrDeCost a. ..Si ri
s
ther esomet hingwr ong? ”Ishookmyheadanddi dn’t
ev enl ookbackather .Idr ov eof f
, aroundand
any wher ebesi deshome.Ipar kedt hecaratt he
beachandt ookmyshoesof fandwal kedontot he
sand; howcoul dIbesost upid?Thi swomangav e
meev erythingandal l Ihav ebeendoi ngistakingand
taking.Shehaswor nher selfthint r
yingtomaket hi
s
thingwor k...tr
y i
ngt osav emef rom my sel
f,tr
y i
ngt o
bet hebestmot hershecoul dev erbet ochi
ldrenshe
didn’ tevenbar e.Ifoundaspotandsatdownont he
sandandl ookedatt hewav escr ashingagainstt he
rocks.Thet earswer ej ustcomi ngdownmyf ace,
andIdi dn’tbot hert owi pethem away .Iwasalone
andnobodycansee. ..Icanbet he‘crybaby’ t
hat
Tar eckal way st houghtIwas. .
.myl ifewassucha
mess. ..Ihadev erythingbutIbl ewi t.ButdidIhav e
ever ything?Somemayt hinkso. ..butmymot herand
brot hert r
iedt okillmeandr uinmywi f
e.Mywi fel ef
t
me, Igotast upidr ecept i
onistknockedup. .
.no...
Thiswasn’ tthel i
fe.Ilaybackont hesandand
thoughtabouthowf uckedupmyl i
fewas...
.

Iwaswokenupbysomeoneshaki
ngmy
,“Thando.
”
Hi
m:Fuck.
..r
eal
l
y?
Me:
Whatdoy
ouwant
?Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Hi
m:You’
regoi
ngt
ogetsi
ckandy
oul
ookpat
het
ic.
..
Me:
Fuckof
fIce,
Itol
dyout
ost
opkeepi
ngt
abson
me!
!
Hi
m: Wel
l,
oldhabi
ts.I
t’
sagoodt
hingbecausey
ou
wer
egoingtofr
eezeouther
e.
Me:
Iwasn’
tsl
eepi
ng.
Hejustl
etoutagr untandhel
pedmeup, “home
now..
.getyourfucki
ngacttogether
.She’
sfine.
”I
l
ookedathim, “
Ididn’
taskyou.”
Hi
m:Icar
e.
Me:
Don’
t.
Him:Nobodyaskedfory
outocar
eaboutmeeither
butyoudi
d..
.IoweyouandBossLadymyli
fe,
soI ’
m
ret
urni
ngthefav
our.
Me:
Idi
dn’
tsav
eyourl
i
fe;
Iputy
oui
nmor
edanger
.
Hi
m: Real
ly?Youknowwhattheydotopeoplel
ike
me.
..thedangerI
’
mf acedwit
htodaycantcompare.
Nowshutupandl et
’sgo.
..
.
Wewal kedtohiscarandfunnyenoughitwaswarm,
“nodeadbodiestoday?”helookedatmeandpouted,
“I
nthisbaby,Iwoul
dnev er.
”Webot hl
aughedandhe
star
tedthecartodri
vemehome, “mustIbr
ingher
back?”Il
ookedathim,“Icestop,t
hisi
smyf ami
ly.
..
wedon’tdothis.
”
Hi
m:Shei
smyf
ami
l
ytoo.
..soIwantt
oknow.
Me:
NO
Hi
m:Why
?
Me:
Sincewhendoy
ouquest
ionany
thi
ngIsay
?
Him: Si
nceyoustart
eddri
nking3extr
acoffeesina
day,anddoubledonthesmoking.Oh,andnot
for
get t
ingt
hatfunnypr
escri
pti
onfrom t
hedoctor,
yeahsincethen!
Me:
Youwentt
hroughmymedi
cal
shi
t.
Hi
m:You’ref
uckedandIwantt
ofi
xit
..
.that
’swhatI
doIf
ix.
..
Me:
Idon’
tneedf
ixi
ng.
..
Hi
m:Shedi
dn’
tfi
l
ethedi
vor
cepaper
s.
Myhear tst oppedforacoupl eofsecondsandt he
tearsf i
ll
edupagai n,butIwasn’ tgoingtocr yinf ront
ofIce.Idi dn’trespondtohi sstatement.Ijustl ooked
outthewi ndowandt houghtwhatt hatmightmean.
Wear ri
vedhomeandhedi dn’tcomei n.
..Hedr opped
meof fatt hegat eandIwal kedin.Itwaswel l
af ter
midni ght;andt hatwaswhent hehungerhi tme.I
wentt ot heki t
chenandf oundDumi andZenon
havingabi gchat ;l
aughingoutl oudanddr inkingt hat
Mexi canbeer ,“
guys.”
Theyst oppedt alkingandt urnedar oundtolookat
me...“t
et omobast antetiepo!!”Dumi shoutedout
l
oud...“DidIgeti tcor rect?”Zeeanswer edhim wit
ha
highfive,whichconf ir
medi t
...Iwasn’ttoosure
aboutit,butDumi thendownedashotofwhat
l
ookedl ikewhi teTequi l
a..
..“Chicobebecon
nostros!”Zenonsai dhandi ngmeashot .Irai
sedmy
handup. ..“CanIt akeashower ; I
’
llj
oinyouguy sina
few.”Idon’ tevenwantt oknowhowt heycamei n..
.
Andwhyt hefuckt heywer eher e.
Iwentdownst
air
sandwashedt
hescentof
fmybody
andchangedi nt
osomet hi
ngwarm.Theywerenow
si
tti
ngoutsidewithashitl
oadofbeerand2cooler
boxes.Isatdownandlitmycigar
ett
e,“f
ather
s?”
Dumi
:Youl
ookl
i
keshi
t,ar
eyoueat
ingr
ight
?
Me:Yes,
Iwasjustaboutt
obef
oreIf
oundy
ouguy
s
hav
ingapar
ty.
Zenon:
Ouch,Ithi
nkther
ear
elef
tov
ert
acos.Letme
warmthatupforyou.
HewentandcamebackasIf i
nishedmycigaret
te,
“
Don’ttel
lmeyoumadet hese?”Helaughed,“
There’
s
alotyoudon’
tknowaboutme. ”
Dumi
:St
opbr
aggi
ngaboutr
ubbi
sh.

Helookedatmeandst ar
tedagai
n,“
areyoudone
eati
ng?Areyoufull
?”Inoddedandhegrabbedmea
beerandopeneditwithhismouthbefor
ehandingi
t
tome.“What’
sthisIhearaboutyouwantingt
o
div
orcemydaughter?”
[
11/
23,
18:
07]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode112
Helookedatmeandst ar
tedagai
n,“
areyoudone
eati
ng?Areyoufull
?”Inoddedandhegrabbedmea
beerandopeneditwithhismouthbefor
ehandingi
t
tome.“What’
sthisIhearaboutyouwantingt
o
div
orcemydaughter?”
Me:
I’
mjustgi
vi
ngherwhatshewant
ssi
r.
Him:Youcheatonher
,buti
nst
eadofmaki
ngt
hings
r
ightyoubai
l?
Hewast al
kinginster
nv oi
ce,al
mostshoy t
ing.
BeforeIcouldanswerZenonj umpedi nt
othe
conversati
on, “
Dumi l
ettheboytell
youhisside.I
knewy ou’r
et oosensi
tiv
ef ort
hisshit
.”
Dumi:
Fuckthatshi
t,whathappenedKhenan?You
wer
edoingsowellandthenthis?
Me: Iwasweak;Iwasawayf rom mywi fefort he
l
ongesttime.Iwasl onel
yandshewasj ustthere,
she’dhi
ntedbeforethatshehasat hi
ngf orme.ButI
keptheratthecompanybecauseshei sgr eatather
j
obandImadei tclearIfel
tnothingforher.One
nightaf
terameet i
ngi nGhana,Isatatthebarwi th
myassociatesandwedr ank.I’
m notblami ngthison
al
cohol,butaf
terafewbeersIgotatextf
rom
Marthainherl
ingeri
ewit
hherroom number.I
i
nstantl
ygotexcit
edandhard,i
twouldhappento
anyman.Ihadaf ewmor edri
nksbecauseIcoul
dn’
t
cheatonmyThandosobermi nded.Idi
dit
i
ntenti
onall
ynotbecauseIwasdrunk.
Zenon:Buty
ougotherpr
egnant
?Li
kewhatt
hehel
l
i
sthat?
Me: Thatwast heworkofthealcohol,Iwasoutofi t
andpr ot
ecti
onwast helastthi
ngonmymi nd.I
wantedtosmashandIdi dthatshitraw.Int he
morningIgotherthemor ningafterpil
ls.She
pret
endedt otakethem…butdi dn’t
.Shet oldme
whenshewas3mont hspregnant ,
Ididn’twantto
beli
eveitandIwaitedti
llt
heywer ebor n.
Dumi
:And?
Me:Theyaremi
ne…Ipani
ckedanddi dn’
tknowwhat
t
odo.SoImadehersignt
hecontractandthati
fshe
t
oldThandoIwoul
dtaket
hetwinsfrom her.
Zenon:
ButThandoknowsnow.
Me:
AndIt
ookmychi
l
dren.
Dumi
:Wai
tyout
ookt
hechi
l
drenawayf
rom her
?
Me:Yes…theyaremychil
dren.Yeahshel
ovest
hem
butshewi
llusethem t
ogettome.That’
swhatshe
hasbeendoing…Ihadenough…
Dumi
:Wher
eisshenow?
MeJo’
bur
g
Him:Andwhatmakesy
out
hinkshewon’
tcome
back.
Me:
Shesi
gnedacont
ract
.
Zenonl etoutasi gh,“Idon’ tknowbuddy .And
Thando? ”Ishrugged, “I
’vet ri
edZee,shej ustwont
l
istent ome, shewontf orgiveme…shei sangr y
.She
ranaway .SoI ’
m givingherwhatshewant s,
Ilove
herwi thall
myl if
e.ButIhav etomov eonwi thmy
l
ife,thechil
drenneedme, mybusinessneedsmeI
can’trunaroundt hewor l
dchasi ngagirlwhowant s
nothingtodowi thme. ”Theybot hletoutasi ghand
didn’tspeak.Idon’tknowwhatt hepointoft hei
rvi
si
t
was, wespentt her estoft henighttal
kingabout
random stuffanddr i
nking.
Iwentt ocheckont het winsZeki awassi ttingonher
bedpl ayi
ngwi that eddybear ,“
Heybaby .
”Iwal ked
ov ertoherandpi ckedherup, “
Hey, whyar en’ty ou
sleepi ng?”shedidn’tat temptt otal
kt omebutshe
j
ustputherheadonmychest .Iwalkedov ert oTee’ s
bedandherheadwaswher eher efeetwer emeant
tobe, andshehadherar msst r
etchedout .Hepi ll
ow
wasont hefloorandherbl anketwasnowher et obe
seen.Il aughedt omy selfandcar ri
edZeet omy
bedr oom.Iputheront hebedandIwenti ntomy
closetandchangedi ntomypy j
amas.Shewasst i
ll
sitti
ngt herewhenIgotback, Iopenedt hecov ers
andgoti ntobed,shecr awl edovert omeandgot
ont omychestandshesl eptwithhert humbi nher
mout h.Iputthecov erov erherandwesl eptint hat
posi t
ion.
Thiswast hesweet estthi
ngshe’ severdonetome.
ForasecondIt houghtshehat edme, Icoul
dn’
tsleep
muchandst ayedtherejustthi
nkingabout
every
thingthatwasgoi ngonandImadeament alto
-doli
st.If
inall
ymusthav efall
enasleepbecauseI
waswokenupwi t
hli
ttl
ehandspl
ayi
ngwithmyface,
“y
ou’
reup?”Idon’
tknowwhatshesai
d,butImade
out‘
Kay’

Ispentthedaywithmyt winsbef oretheolderones

cameback.Wewer egoingt ohav eafullhouse
again.Wehadaf ewmont hsuntilChri
stmasanda
coupleofweeksunt i
lThando’ sbi
rthday.Idon’
t
knowi fshewil
lbebackbyt hen, l
etalonewantt o
seeme.I thadbeenal i
tt
leov eramont hsinceshe
hadleftnocommuni cati
onorany t
hing.Iwasn’tover
herbutIwasget t
ingusedt otheideaofnothav i
ng
heraround.DidImissher?Hel ly
eah…Li kecr
azy…
Iquicklysnappedoutofmyt houghts.Mydaywas
well spent,butIwastired.Thesechi l
drenmakeme
wor k!Ineedt oputTeeonsomet hi
ngbecauseIcan’t
deal withtheconstantr unni
ngar oundafterher
.I
l
osthert wiceatthemal ltoday.Idon’
tknowwhat
happenedt oZee,shewascl ungtomel i
keivyona
tr
ee.Idon’ tknowwhatt hatwasabout ,butIenjoy
ed
i
twhi l
eitlastedbecauseshehasal waysbeen
uninterestedinme.Af t
erourexhaust ingdaywe
pl
ayedont
hemati
nthel
ounge,
ther
ewer
etoy
s
ev
ery.

Iwaswokenupbyscr eami ngandwhenIopenedmy

eyesi twasKhany i
runningt oherTee, “Teelookat
whatIgotf oryou!!
”IhadZeeonmyl ap, “
Khanyi
you’regoingt owakey oursi ster
.”Shewhi speredtoa
Teewhodi dn’tseem togiv eaf uckabouther
sleepingsi ster,whoshout edi nexci
t ementt osee
herbi gsis.“ HeyDad.”Lakhi sai
dashedi sappeared
upt hestairs, bytheti
meIl ookeduphehad
disappear ed.Iletoutasi ghandIst oodupwi thZee
i
nmyar msandmademywayt owardst hedoorand
metanexhaust inglookingAbebi .Shewasbi gand
shel ookedl i
keshecoul dn’ttakeitany more.Ibent
ov erandki ssedhercheek, “Howar ey ou.”
Her
:Don’
t.
Me:Al
ri
ght
,I’
l
lhel
pwi
tht
hel
uggage.Cany
out
ake
her
?
IhandedZeet
oAbebiandwentouthelpKeenan.
Therewasabl
ackCadil
lacEscal
adeparked,
the
doorsall
openandt
heboottooIwal
kedt
owardsthe
back,“
Keenanhowcanyouaff
ordt
hiswi
tht
ri
pl-
”
Ifr
ozeinmyt racksandmyf acegothot,“Uhm…hi…”
Thandostoodwi thabagov erhershoulder,she
l
ookedupatmeandsmi ledf ai
ntl
y.Idi
dn’tknow
whattosay ,
Ididn’tmove.Shedr aggedoneofthe
sui
tcasesinsi
deleavingmewi t
hmybr other.
Me:
Keenan?What
’st
his?
Hi
m:Beat
sme,
shej
ustsai
dshei
scomi
ngback.
Me:
Doessheknowt
het
winsar
eher
e?
Hi
m: Yi
psheknows,
that
’sal
lKhany
ihasbeen
t
alki
ngabout
.
Me:
Isshegoi
ngt
ost
ayher
e?
Hi
m:DudeIdon’
tknow…shedi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ng.
Ihel
pedKeenanwi threstofthebagsandThando
wasont hecouchwithTeepl ayi
ngandpull
ingher
hai
r.Iwalkedr
ightpastthem andputthebagsatthe
bott
om ofthestai
randt ookKhanyi’
stoherroom.I
checkonAbebi whowassl eepi
ngwi t
hZee.WhenI
gotbacktotheloungenobodywast here,
everyone
hadr etiredt
ot hei
rroomsandIwasl eftfeeling
awkwar dinmyownhouse.Idi dn’
tknowwher etogo
orwhatt odowi thmy self.Igotabeerandsat
outsideandsmoked.Af termybeerandci gar ett
eI
wentt othebedroom, Ineededt oworksoIcansee
howt hiswouldplayout .PlusIhadn’tdoneanywor k
todaysoIneededt owor k.Iwentt othebedr oom
andIhear dtheshowerr unningandIt ookadeep
breathandwal kedin.justasIst eppedi ntother oom
theshowerst opped.Iwal kedt othesidet ableand
collectedmyl aptopadt riedt odashoutoft her eas
quicklyaspossi blebutThandocaughtmeandI
froze…agai n.
[
11/
23,
18:
08]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode113

*
***
***
***Thando*
***
***
***
*

Khenanstoodthereholdi
nghislaptopandaf ew
papers,
I’
veseenhimi nafewstickysituat
ionsbut
thi
swasal mostfunny
.Hej ustl
ookedatmebl ankl
y,
“Canwet al
k?”henodded,“I’
l
lberightback…”I
walkedi ntothecl osetwhenIcamebackIhanded
hi
mt heenv elope.Immedi at
elyallthel if
ewas
suckedoutf rom hisf aceandhegott earyeyed.He
didn’
topeni tandj ustlookedatme, Isatont heedge
ofthebed, “
Than- ”hel ookedathi m andhecoul dn’
t
evenf i
nish.Heheadedf orthedoor ,“Khenan…I
askedi fwecoul dt alk…cany ougetbackher eIhav e
mor etosay .”Hest opped,“Please…comeback…
opent heenv elope, Isti
llhavemor et osay .
”Hecame
backandst oodi nf rontofmeopeni ngt heenvelope,
heputhi shandi nsi deandt ookoutt het or
npieces
ofpaperandhel ookedconf used.Her eadwhathe
could,“Ithoughtt hisiswhaty ouwant ed? ”
Me:
Wel
lmay
bei
twast
hen,
butnotany
mor
e.
Hi
m:Uhm,
why
?
Me:
Doy
ouwantust
ogetdi
vor
ced?
Hi
m:NobutIdon’
tunder
stand.
Ilookedathim andreachedinthepocketofmyrobe,
andst r
etchedmyhandoutt ohim.hehesitat
edand
tookast epforwar
dandt ookthepacketfr
om me.
Hel ookedatthecontenti
nsideandtookanother
stepforwar
d, Inodded.Hekneltdownbesi dest he
bedandi nbetweenmyl egsandstartedcryi
ng,this
mademecr ytoo.Iheldhisheadandki ssedhim; he
pull
edawayandki ssedmyt ummy ,“
Thanky ou.”He
rubbeditabitwithtearsinhiseyesbeforeplacing
hisheadonmyl ap.Hekeptwhi sper
ingthanky ou
andI’m sor
rybetweenhi ssobs.

Khenanevent
uall
ycal
meddown,andstoodupand
satnextt
ome, “
baby,
I’
m sosor
ry.Thi
sthi
ngwit
h
Marth-
”
Me:
Idon’
twantt
otal
kabouti
t.
Hi
m:But
.
Me:
It’
sdoneandt
her
eisnot
hingl
eftt
otal
kabout
.
Hi
m:Thet
winsar
eher
e,per
manent
ly.
Me:
Iknow,
andMar
tha?
Hi
m:I
nJHB…she’
sal
i
ve.
Iletoutasighofr
elief,
“I’
m sor
rybaby…Ididn’
tmean
tohurtyou.Iwant
edt ofixmymi st
akesandbea
fathert
othem.Ididn’twanttobeapartfr
om them
l
i
keIdidwi
thKhany
iandLakhi
we.Khany
ilov
es
t
hem somuch,
andIthi
nkyouwil
ltoo…t
heywil
ll
ove
y
ousomuch.”
Me: Letsnotgetaheadofourselv
eshere.Wehavea
l
otofadj ust
ingtodo,Abebiwil
lbedueanyminute.I
needt ogoforacheckup, andIhavebeenaway
fr
om wor kforsolong,t
hemedi ahadbeenhavi
nga
fi
eldday .
Hi
m:I
t’
sal
lsor
ted.
Me:
Whati
s?
Hi
m:Theyshuty
oudown…Jamai
caMe.
Me:
What
?Whathappened?
Hi
m: Don’
tst
ress,whydon’ty
ourestandwecan
di
scussandsortever
ythi
ngoutl
ater.Thencan
i
ntr
oduceyoutothegirl
s.
Me:
Ok,
I’
dli
ket
hat
…I’
m hungr
ythough.
Hi
m:Youdon’thav
etot
ell
me,
whatwer
ethey
f
eedi
ngyou?
Me:
Mxm…y
ou’
rest
il
lful
lofshi
t.
Hi
m: Wel
lalothaschanged,
butt
hat
…nev
er.What
doyouwanttoeat?
Me:
Seaf
oodChodwer
…
Hi
m:Ohnowy
ou’
repushi
ngi
t.
Me:
It’
syourbabynotme.
Hi
m:Wow,
Iguessy
ou’
rest
il
labi
gbabyaf
teral
l
.

Ismiledandhithim wit
hapil
low,“
you’r
efor
given
becausey ou’
recarr
yingmyseed.GetsomerestI’
l
l
berightback.
”
Hecl osedthedoorandIgotupandwal kedintot
he
closetandwentst rai
ghtforhisshirt
.Itookhi s
favouri
teblueshi rtandslippediton.Isprayedhis
Creedpur ewhi t
ecol ogne; Imi
ssedhi ssmel l
…his
touchandhi spr esence.Iwor ehissocksandgot
i
nt obed,Isleptunt i
lIwaswokenupbysomeonei n
theroom whi spering.Il
istenedcarefull
y,“Thi
sis
mommybutshei ssleeping,don’twakeherup.She
i
spr obablyjetl
agged. ”
Li
tt
lev
oice:
Mah?
Khanyi
:Yeah,
youwil
lpr
obabl
ysl
eepher
ebecause
youthebabynow.
Li
tt
lev
oice:
Mama.
Khany
i:Sssh.
That’
swhenIsatup, “
Whatar eyouguy sdoi ng?”
Khanyigotafri
ghtandl ookedatme, herl i
ttl
e
part
nerscreamed, “
Mama! ”sher anaroundt her oom
andthentri
edclimbingont hebed.Khany ihel
ped
herupandIpul l
edherup, shestoodandj ustlooked
atme, “
ma? ”Shelookedatmef unny,andscr atched
hercurl
yheadofhai rbeforefl
oppingtot hebedon
herbuttandthenplayedwi tht
het oyshewas
hol
ding.Uhm thatwasawkwar dandIdi dn’tknow
whattosayordo…l uckilyformeKhany i wast here
tobreakthi
sawkwar dmoment ,“Mom, thisisTee. ”
Me:
HeyTee,
howy
oubaby
?
Her
:Teee!
!
Me:
Hey
…
Her
:Mama?
Me:
Yes,
mama.
Shestoodupagai nandwal kedtomeandf l
opped
onmeal mostknocki ngmeov erontomybackwi th
herhandsopen.Iguesst hatwasahug, “
hav eyou
guyseaten? ”Khanyishookherhead, “
Dadisstil
l
cooki
ng.”IputTeedownandputonar obeand
pi
ckedherupagai n,“l
et’
sgo.”Iheldheri
nmyar ms
andwewal keddownst air
stofindsomef ood.
Khenanwasi nthekitchenbarefoot
edtal
kingwith
Keenan,“you’reup?”Inodded,“Thankstoyour
daughter
s.”
Hi
m:Our
.
Me:
Wel
ltheyar
ehungr
y.
Keenan:
I’
m oni
t.
Me:
Thanks,
wher
e’sAbebi
?
Keenan:
She’
staki
nganap.
Me:Shemustbeexhaust
ed,sheneedst
ost
op
t
rav
ell
ingandst
artr
esti
ng.
Keenan:
May
beshewi
l
lli
stent
oyou.
Iswitchedont hekettleandgotoutateapotandgot
somer aspberryleafteaandacup.Whent hekettl
e
boi
ledIt ookeverythi
ngt oAbebiandshoutatthe
boys,“feedthekids!”IwalkedtoAbebiandfound
herlayingonherbackwi t
hapill
ow.
Me:
Heyhoney
.
Her
:Hhmm.
Me:
Howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
Her
:Li
keshi
t.
ME:Thi
str
avel
ingi
sn’
tgoodforyou;
youknowt
hat
youar
en’
thavi
nganormalpr
egnancy.
Her
:Iknow,Ij
ustwantt
hesethi
ngsoutal
ready
.I
f
eell
ikea1000poundweight
.
Me:
Andy
oul
ookl
i
keone.Igott
ea.
ShesatupandIhel
pwithherpi
l
lows, Ipouredhera
cupandsatonthechai
racr
ossfrom her.“Howare
youset
tl
ingi
n?”
Me:
Notsur
e,Imetoneoft
hegi
rl
s.
Her
:And?
Me:
Shecal
l
edmeMama,
butnot
hingspeci
al.
Her
:You’
l
lgetusedt
oit
.
Me: Idon’
tknow,Ihavesomuchgoi ngon,andI
don’tknowifIhaveagreathear
tli
keyou.Iwil
l
probablypuni
shthesekidsfort
hei
rfather
’ssi
n.
Her:Thando,I
’veseenyouf or
givi
ngalotofbadsin.
AndI’veseenyoudoingal otofgood.Youwil
lnotlet
thesekidssuf
fer;i
t’
sjustnotinyou.
Me:
Wel
latl
eastI
’
llhav
eyouar
ound.
Her:Ohnobabe,
we’
remov
ingoutaf
tert
hese
pi
gletscomeout
.
Me:Why ?Andwhenwer
eyoupl
anni
ngont
ell
i
ngme
aboutt
his?
Her
:It
houghtKeenanwoul
dhav
etol
dyou.
Me:
Wel
lhedi
dn’
t.
Her:
Thandot
hisspacei
sn’
tbi
genoughf
or7
chi
l
drenand2coupl
es.
Itouchedmytummy ,goshi
fonl
ysheknew,
“We’
l
l
getabiggerhouse.
”
Her
:Real
l
ynowThando?
Me:
What
?
Her
:KeenanandIar
eget
ti
ngmar
ri
ed.
Me:
Andwhati
syourpoi
nt?
Her:Youcan’thav
e2womenr unni
ngthehousehol
d,
l
etalone2men.Weneedourspace, weneedtoli
ve
l
ikehusbandandwi f
einourownhousewit
hour
ownf ami
ly.
Il
etoutasi
gh,butIl
ovedhavi
ngthem ar
oundandI
di
dn’
twantthem t
ogo.“ok,
I’
ll
thi
nkaboutit
.”
Her
:Chukwum,
thi
swoman…haha…Iwasn’
taski
ng.
Me:
Mxm…we’
l
lseewhatKeenanhast
osayabout
t
hat
.
Her
:Youwoul
dn’
tdar
e.
Me:
Wel
lwoul
dn’
tI?
[
11/
23,
18:
08]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode114

*
***
***
***
***
*Khenan*
***
***
***
***
***
*
Keenanwalkedint
otheki
tchenandsatonthebar
stool
watchingmemakether equest
edseaf
ood
chowder
,“well?
”
Me:
Wel
lwhat
?
Hi
m:Youknow?Thando?
ME:
Whatabouther
?
Hi
m:Wel
lyou’
renotcr
ying.
Me:
What
’sy
ourpoi
nt?
Hi
m:Youl
ookl
i
key
ouwer
ecr
yingear
li
er.
Me:
Wher
ear
eyougoi
ngwi
tht
his?
Hi
m:Thaty
ou’
remaki
ngseaf
oodchowder
.
Me:
Getonwi
thi
t?!
Him: Shecameback, butshedi
dn’
tdumpnor
div
orcey ourass.Thenyoucri
edli
keabit
chandnow
you’r
ebei ngabitchandcooki
ngoneofher
favouri
tes.
It
hrewt
hewoodenspoonathi
m andheducked,
“ha
ha…I’m spoton!
!”Hepickedupthewoodenspoon
andputitinthesinkbef
oregett
ingbeerf
rom t
he
fr
idgeforbothofus.
Hi
m:Soshei
sst
ayi
ng?
Me:
Yip
Hi
m:Why
?
Me:
Becauseshel
ovesme.
Hi
m: Real
l
ynow,shepr
obabl
yfeelssor
ryf
ort
he
t
wins.Wit
hyouasafat
herIwouldtoo.
Me:
What
,hav
eyouseenhowbossdadI
’
vebeen?
Hi
m:Psssh.
Me: Whodr opstheki dsoffandpicksthem upfrom
schoolev eryday?Hel pswithhomewor k?Cooks
dinnerandst il
lgoest oplaydates,concer
tsandstil
l
runssever albusinesses.Af ewbeingmulti
bil
l
ion
compani esmi ghty ou.Ohnotf or
getti
ngthebiggest
drugcartel?
Hi
m:Wow,
we’
resopr
oudofy
ou!
!
Me:
Sar
casm doesn’
tsui
tyou,
whatabouty
ou?
Hi
m:Whataboutme?
Me:
Thebabi
esar
edue,
dah.
Hi
m:So?
Me:
Youneedt
ofi
ndahouseandshi
t?
Hi
m:Whatf
or?
Me:
Wow.

Lucki
lythenThandowalkedincarr
yingTee,she
greet
edandaskedf orAbebi
.Shebrewedapotof
teaandleftusal
oneagain,“
whatyouguy swantto
eat?Supperisal
mostready.
”Khanyi r
oll
edhereyes
atme, “
canwehav esomegr apest
hen? ”
Me:
Ok,
andwher
eisZee?
Khany
i:Shei
ssl
eepi
ng.
Il
ookedatKeenan,“Ok,
pleasesortt
heirgrapes
out?”It
ookoffmyapronandwentt olookformy
sl
eepingbeauty
.If
oundherinbedandshewasf ast
asleep,
andIshookhergentl
yandsheopenedher
eyesandlookedupatmewi thsl
eepfulli
nherey es.
“Heybaby,what’swrong? ”Iliftedherupandhel dher
i
nmyar ms,“youbeensl eepingal lday,areyouok? ”
sherestedherheadonmychestandcl osedher
eyesagain.Somethingwasn’ tright,
she’salways
beenquietcompar edtohersi ster,
butthissleeping
i
swor ry
ing.Iputhergownonheri nhersleepand
hersl
ipperbootsandwal keddownst ai
rs.Theki ds
wereintheloungest i
llont heyar egrapes,Ifound
Keenaninthekitchen,“thatshoul dbedonenow, I’
m
headi
ngt othehospital.Pleasedi shupf oreveryone
andtell
ThandoIwi l
lcallher.”
Hi
m:What
’swr
ong?
Me:
Nott
oosur
e,butshei
sn’
tal
ri
ght
.We’
l
ltal
k.

Iwal
kedoutandputZeki
ainhercarseatandIdr
ove
tot
hehospi
tal
.

*
***
***
***
***
*Thando*
***
***
***
***

Iwal
kedi
ntot
heki
tchenhol
dingt
hedi
rt
yteacups
withAbebif
oll
owingmebehi
nd,
“We’rest
arved.
”I
foundKeenaninanapr
on.“
andthen?Whatareyou
doing?
”
Hi
m:What
’si
tlookl
i
ke.
Me:
Wher
e’sKhenan.
Hi
m:Hewentt
othehospi
tal
,Zeei
sn’
tfeel
i
ngwel
l
.
Me:
What
’swr
ong?
Hi
m:Notsur
e,hei
sn’
tsur
eei
ther
.

Iputt
hetrayonthecounterandwentupst air
s,my
mommyi nsti
nctki
ckedin.Ichangedint
oj oggers
andahoodieandheadeddownst air
s,“I
’
llberight
back.
”
Hi
m:Theki
ds?
Me:
Real
l
y!
Ij
ottedoutanddrov
et ot
hehospit
aldial
l
ingKhenan
ontheway ,
“Hey,
sorryIl
eftl
i
kethat,
jus-
”Icuthi
m
of
f,“Whichhospi
tal
areyouat?”
Hi
m:Mel
omed.
Me:
Alr
ightont
heway
.

Icutthecallbeforehet ri
edtost opme, Iknowhow
heget s.Idr
ov ecarefull
ytothehospi talthinkingto
my self
…wi l
lthisfamilyevergetr est,t
hisist hethir
d
ti
meoneoft heki dshasbeeni nhospi tal.Likewhat
i
st hiscurseont hefami l
y?Iarri
vedatt hehospi t
al
andmademywayt ot hepaediatricward, “ZDeCost a
please.”Theladyt y
pedonhersy st em,“sorryma’ am
butwedon’ thav eany onebythatnameonr ecord.”
Me:Shewasbr
oughti
nbyherf
atherKhenan
DeCost
a.
Her
:Ma’
am I’
l
l needthepati
ent
’snamei
nor
dert
o
t
ell
youwhatroom she’si
n.

Iheldontomyhead, whatt
hehel l
;Ishout
edat
my self
.Whatthehel
l,“
Cart
er…y esCarter
.”She
typedagain,
“Whatisyourr
elat
ionshiptothe
patient
?”wasshebeingseri
ousr i
ghtnow?
Lady2:
ChefThando,
ohmygoshi
sitr
eal
l
yyou?
Me:
(fakesmi
l
e)y
es,
Ij-
Lady2:
Ilov
eyourshow,
whatdoy
ouneed?
Me:
Ineedt
oseemydaught
er.
Shel ookedatmequi zzicall
y,“Z.Carter
.”Shel ooked
atthef i
rstl
ady ’sscr
een, “al
ri
ghtf ol
lowme. ”We
walkeddownt hehal l
wayt owar dstheroom; shewas
tal
kingnonst opandaskedf ormyaut ographbef ore
l
eav i
ngmeatt hedoor.Iopenedt hedoorslightly
andKhenant urnedaround, hewasst andingwi t
hhis
handsi nhispocket slookingoutt hewindow, “hey.”
Hehadaconf usedlookonhi sface,“whatar eyou
doingher e?
”
Me:
Ihear
dZeewasi
nhospi
tal
soI
Him:Baby,Iwasgoingt
ocal
lyou.YouknowhowI
feel
abouty oudr
ivi
ngwheny
ou’r
eemot i
onal
,and
nowt hebaby.
Me:
Iwasj
ustwor
ri
ed,
sor
ry.
Heletoutasi
gh,“
I’
m sorr
ybaby.”Iwal
kedoverto
hi
m, “
it
sok,howisshe?”Ioutmyarmsaroundhis
wai
standplacedmyheadonhi schest
.Hishear
t
beatwasn’
tregul
arandIcoul
dtell
hewasscar
ed,
I
ti
ghtenedmyhugandhef i
nal
lyhel
dmebackand
ki
ssedmyhead.“Thankyou.”
Il
ookedupathim,“
whatfor
?”hekissedmyli
pst
his
ti
me,“f
orcar
ing.
”Il
etoutafai
ntsmile,
“howi
sshe”
Him:Thedoct
orsarer
unni
ngafewtest
s;she
doesn’
twantt
ogiveanypr
edi
cti
onsatt
hemoment
.
Ithi
nki
t’
ssomethi
ngbad.
Me: Hey,i
tdoesn’
tmeani t’
ssomethi
ngbad.Look,
shedon’twasn’tt
opredictsomethi
nghect
ic
becauseyouwi l
lpani
c,onlytof
indouti
t’
snothi
ng.
Sopleaserel
ax.
Hi
m:Ishoul
dhav
epi
ckedt
hisupear
li
er.Thenwe
woul
-
Me:Stopthi
srubbi
shofbl
ami
ngy
our
sel
f.May
bei
t’
s
not
hing.
Hi
m: Can’
tbeany
thing,allZeki
adoesi
ssl
eep.She
l
ackstheener
gyhersisterhas.
Me:
Theyaren’
tthesameper
son;t
heywi
ll
neverbe
t
hesame.Let’
swaitf
orr
esul
tsbef
orewejumpto
anyconcl
usi
ons.

Hel etoutasi
gh,“ok,hadyoueat
en?”Ishookmy
head, “
wellweneedt ofeedmybaby
.Let’sgo.
”Il
ook
atZee’sbed,“whatifshewakesupandnobodyis
here?”
Him:Don’twor
ryshewont,shewascryi
ngwhen
theyweredoi
ngthetest
s,t
hedoctorgavehera
sedat
ive.
Me:Butwi
thwhat
evercondi
ti
onshemayhav
e,wi
l
l
t
hatnotmakematt
ersworse.
Him:Trustme,seeinghercr
yli
ket
hatmademecr
y.
Thatwast heonl
yway ,t
hedoct
orwoul
dn’
tdo
anyt
hingtoharm her.
Iletoutasi ghandledtheway, wewentdownt othe
hospitalcoffeeshopandgotal ightmealandsatat
thetable.Khenanwasgi vi
ngmet helook,
“whatare
youstaringat ?
”Heshookhi shead, “
nothi
ng.
”Itook
achipandgav ehimthelook,“youlookbeauti
ful
,
andIlov eyousomuch…Idon’ tknowwhatIdi dto
deservet hi
s.”
Me:
Hmm.
Him:Seri
ousl
y ,
thewayyoucameoverher
ewhen
youheardwhatwasgoingon.You’
renotf
orcedt
o
doalloft
hat,butyoust
il
ldoi
t,y
ou’
rethel
east
sel
fl
esspersonIknow.
Me:
you’
remyhusband-
Hi
m: Don’
tgiv
emethatr
ubbi
sh,I’
vehur
tyoubey
ond
measureandher
eyouar
ecarr
yingmyseedandsti
l
l
mywife.
Me:
Shutup,
you’
regoi
ngt
omakemecr
y.
Hi
m:Il
oveyou…andI’
l
ldoany
thi
ngandev
ery
thi
ng
t
omakeyouhappy.
Me:
Any
thi
ng?
Hi
m:What
ever
,younamei
t.
Me:
Noi
t’
ssel
fi
sh.
Hi
m:What
?
Me:
Cany oumay
bepul
li
nafavourandwecansee
t
hebaby
?Iknowwe’
reher
eforZeebut…
Hi
m:Any
thi
ng…l
etmeseei
fIcanf
indsomeone.
Hemadeaqui ckcal
l,
after5minut
esheputt he
phonedown,“St
evewil
lbeherein45minutes.”I
smil
edwithexci
tement,
“weshouldgetback.
”

WewalkedintoZee’
sroom andsatdownont
he
couch,
IlookedatKhenan,
“okandthen?
”
Me:Idi
dn’
tknowt
het
winswer
en’
tusi
ngy
our
sur
name?
Him:Mart
hawoul
dn’
tal
l
owt
hat
,hadev
enf
orgot
ten
aboutt
hat
.
Me:Ionl
yfoundoutwhenIgothere,
onlytoreal
i
seI
knownothi
ngaboutt
hem apar
tfrom thati
t’
sTee
andZee.

Khenanletoutalaugh, andIpunchedhiminthearm,
“al
ri
ght
,let’
sgetthrought hi
sandthenwewi l
ltal
k
andsortall
ofthatoutok? ”Inodded;t
hedoctor
cameafter30mi nutes.Khenanhadthebiggest
smil
eonhi sfaceandt heexcit
ementwassoev i
dent
,
butIont
heot
herhandwasn'
t;
fearcr
eptov
erme!
!
[
11/
23,
18:
08]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode115

Wegottothedoctor’
soffi
ce,andwechat tedtohi m
ali
tt
lebi
taboutthepastwit
ht hepregnancies.Ilay
onthebedandheputt heul
trasoundgelonmy
tummyandlookedatthescreen,“youseet hat?
Therei
syoubaby .
”

Ilookedatt hescr eensmi l

ingandmyheartwas
beat i
nghardi nmychest ,
IlookedupatKhenanwho
hadagoof ysmi leonhisf aceandasingl
etear
roll
ingdownhi scheek.Hel ookeddownatmeand
kissedmyl ips,“Thanky ou.”Ij
ustsmi
ledupathim,
thedoct orclearedhisthroatandwebot hsnapped
outofi t
.
DR:Wel
lyou’
rebabyi
ssti
ll
tosmal
ltot
ell
thesex
,
youbot
hknowthatri
ght
?

Webot
hnodded,
“butev
ery
thi
ngl
ooksgoodf
ornow,
I
’
llgi
veyoutoamomentandt
henwi
l
lmeety
oui
n
t
heoffi
ce.
”
Assoonast
hedoctorl
efttheroom Khenanbent
downandki
ssedmeont heli
ps,“y
oudon’tknow
howhappyy
ou’vemademe…Il oveyou.”
Me:
Stopi
t.
Hi
m:You’
l
ljustnev
erunder
stand.
Heki ssedmeagai nandt henhelpedmegetcl ean
anddr essedupandwewentt omeett hedoctor.We
satdownandhewr appeduphi scall
,“al
ri
ght,wil
l t
ell
him assoonaswe’ redoneher e.”Hecutthecal land
thenlookedupatus.Hehadasmi l
eonhi sface,
“yout ooklookhappy.”Ibl
ushedabi tandlooked
down, “
happy?That’
ssuchanunder st
atement …”
Khenananswer edhi m.
Stevechuckl
edabitandt henl ookeddownathi sfi
l
e
andjott
eddown,“sogoodt hi
ngi sy ou’r
ehealthy
enoughtobarechil
dren,soIdon’ twanty outo
changeanythi
ngthatyou’redoi ng.Obv i
ouslythe
dri
nkingandthesmoking, whichy ou’
reawareof.”I
nodded.
Him:Iwanty ouguy st
or el
ax,
don’tst
ressaboutthe
baby.Workasnor mal,youmanagedt ocarr
yfull
ter
m before.Thereisnothi
ngstoppi
ngy oufr
om
doingthesamet histi
me, t
hedeli
verwe’l
ldealwit
h
anddiscusswhent hetimeisnear.
Khenan:
Sheworksalotandsomet
imesneedsto
tr
avel
,woul
ditnotbebet
tert
ocutt
heworkload?
IshotKhenant
heey
eandheshr
ugged,
“I’
mjust
aski
ng.”
Me:
Hesai
dnor
mal
.
Stev
e:Normal,
peoplegetpregnantandgot owork
andrunbusi
nessesallt
het i
me.Thereshouldn’
tbe
anydif
fer
encewithyou.Exerci
seisgood,butyou’
l
l
needtoobvi
ouslywatchthetypeofexerci
sesyou
do…butIthi
nkyou’r
egood.
Khenan:
Hmmm
Me:
Thanky
oudoct
or.
Hehandedmethepr escr
ipt
ionformyv i
taminsand
westooduptoleav
e, “
OhKay ,bef
oreIforget
,your
daught
er’
sdoct
orisreadytoseey ou.
”
Khenan:
Whatdi
dshesay
?
Steve:
Not
hing,shecan’
ttel
lmeany
thi
ng…y
ouknow
that
.Shej
ustaskedtoseeyou.
Khenandi dn’tevensayany thingf ur
therbutjust
walkedout ,Itur
nedt oStev e, “
thanky ou.”Iclosed
thedoorandf ol
lowedKhenandownt hehall.Hewas
walkingswi ft
lyaheadofmebutwai tedatt he
elevatorhol di
ngt hedoorf orme.Hegoti nandt he
doorscl osed, wewer ealonei nthereandIputmy
armsar oundhi swaist,“
hey , calm down. ”Hedi dn’
t
respond, Ilookedupathi m, “Khenan. ”Hesnapped
outofhi st houghtsandl ookedatmet hennodded.
Heputhi sar msar oundme, “let’
shearwhatt he
doctorhast osayandt hent akei tfr
om t her
e…r el
ax.
”
Whent hedoor
sopenedwewal kedtothepaedi
atr
ic
wardandhewal kedt
owardsthedoortoZee’sr
oom.
Isatdownonthechairsi
nthewaiti
ngarea,hegav
e
meal ook.“
ThandoIneedyouinther
e.”
Me:
But
Him:Nobut
,di
dyoudri
veallt
hewayher
etobe
suppor
ti
vef
rom t
heout
side,
please.
Me:
Yousur
e?
Hehel douthishandandIst oodupandt ookit.We
wal kedint
other oom andt hedoct orwast aki
ng
readingsfrom themachi nery.Khenancl earedhis
throat,“
Doc.”Shet ur
nedar oundandsmi l
edatus.
Khenani ntr
oducedmeandt henaskedt hedoct or
whatwaswr ong.“Ican’tconfirm anyt
hingatt his
stage,butitseemst obeasl eepingdi sorder.
”
Khenan:
She’
sonl
ytwo?What
’st
hecause?
Dr:
Wel l
west i
l
lneedt orunaf
ewt
est
s,f
rom t
he
physi
calexam i
tlooksli
keTBI
.
Me:
What
?
Khenan:
Andt
hati
s?
Helookedconfused,
“well
?”Thedoctort
ookadeep
br
eath,“i
tist
raumati
cbrai
ninjur
y.”
Khenan:
Excuseme?
Idi
dn’
tev
enknowwhatt
osay
,myf
acef
elthot
.
Dr:Wewil
ldoaCTscantoassessthedamageand
onlyt
henwil
lwebeablet
ogiveafull
diagnosi
sand
tr
eatment
.ButMrDeCost
a,hasshebumpedher
head,
orf
al-
Khenan:
Youthi
nkmydaughterwoul
dgethur
tandI
wouldsi
tar
oundanddonothi
ngabouti
t.
Dr
:I’
mjustt
ryi
ngt
ofi
ndoutasmuchasIcani
n-
Khenan:
Soaccusi
ngmei
shel
ping.
Dr
:Nobut
Khenan:
But
?
Me:Khenan,
pleasecal
m downshe’
sjustt
ryi
ngt
o
hel
p.
Khenan:What?Hel
p?Shet
hinksIwoul
dbeso
car
elessand…

Hepausedandt ookthedeepestbr eathand

clenchedhisfi
sts,“
I’
m goi
ngt of uckingmurderher
!!
”
hest ar
tedbreathi
ngheavi
ly,
Iqui cklyputtwoand
twot oget
her,“doct
orcanwepl easehav ea
moment ?
”shenoddedandner v ouslywalkedout.
“Shedidthis!
”
Me:
Thi
sisnott
het
imeort
hepl
ace,
canwedeal
wit
ht hatlat
er.Ri
ghtnowyourdaught
eri
sly
ingin
hospital
andy oubeingmadwon'tmaket
hesit
uati
on
bett
er.
Hi
m:Thando…f
uck.
Me:Youwantt
ogoout
sideandI
’
llf
ini
shupwi
tht
he
doct
or?
Hiseyeswer eglossywithtearsandhewal kedout
notevenclosingt hedoor
.Hewal kedpastthedoctor
whowasst andingatt hefrontdeskwi t
hsome
nurses.Shewalkedov ertome, “I
’m sorr
yaboutt
hat.
Canwedi scusst hisandI
’l
l i
nfor
m him.”
Dr
:Andwhati
syourr
elat
ionshi
ptot
hepat
ient
?
Me:
She’
smydaught
er.
Her
:Uhm,
ItshowsaMar
thaCar
terashermot
her
.
Me:
Andy
ourpoi
nt?I
ssheher
e?
Her
:Ma’
am,
Ican’
tdi
sc-
Me:Khenan’sdaught
erwi
thhi
swi
fe?I
sthatwhat
youcan’
tdiscuss?
Her
:Pl
ease.
Me:Yousaidyouneededt odoaCTscan; she’
sonl
y
2yearsol
d.Thatinvol
vesradi
ationri
ght
,which
wouldmeanrisksforcancerr
ight?
Shet ookadeepbr eathe; Ij
ustlookedatherwaiti
ng
forar esponse.Finall
yshebr okethesil
ence,“
ok,yes
i
tdoesputheratr i
skbecauseofherage.Butf rom
myphy si
calexam likeIst at
edbef oreshehasbrain
traumaandt heonlywayf orust ofi
ndawayf orward
i
st odot hescan.Pl easedon’ tgetmewr ongbutwe
doneedt oknowi fsher eceiveandheadi nj
ury
beforebeingbr oughtint onight.
”
Me: Shehasonlybeenst
ayingwit
hherfatherfor
aboutamont handli
kehesaidhewouldhav e
broughtheri
nshouldanyt
hingofthesor
thad
happened.
Dr:Andhermother
,Ibel
i
eveshewasst
ayi
ngwi
th
herprev
iousl
y?
Me:Sheisn’
taroundandiscurrentl
yunreachabl
e.
Sounfor
tunat
elyIam unabl
et oansweronher
behal
f.I
sther
enoot herway,besidest
hescan?
Dr
:Icant
reather
,butchancesofgi
vi
ngand
i
ncorr
ectdi
agnosi
swouldbehigh.Ascanwoul d
nar
rowdown,andgiveusaccur
atefindi
ngs.That
wayweareabletogettot
heproblem.
Me:AndKhenanobv
iousl
yneedst
osi
gnaconsent
f
orm?
Dr
:Yes.
Me:
Andhowsoonshoul
dthi
sbedone?
Dr
:Thesoonert
hebet
ter
.
Me:I
’
llt
alkt
ohi
m,andhowl
ongwi
l
lthet
reat
ment
t
ake?
Dr:Dependsonmyf i
ndi
ngsbutweprobabl
ywi
l
l
needtohospit
ali
seherf
orafewdays.
Me:Al
ri
ght
,Thanks.Pl
easegett
hef
ormsr
eady
,I’
l
l
t
alkt
oKhenan.

Shenoddedandwal kedawayt ospeaktooneoft he

nurses.Khenanwalkedi nsoonafterandIexplai
ned
everyt
hingtohim.hesi gnedtheconsentfor
msand
thescanwasschedul edf ortomor
rowmor ning.They
werekeepingherover ni
ght,sowel ef
tandwoul d
onl
ycomebackt
omor
rowi
nthemor
ning.

Whenwegothomet hehousewasqui et
,apar tfrom
Keenansi tt
ingintheloungewor ki
ngonhi slapt op.
Hel ookedupwhenwegoti nandKhenansatont he
coucht otalktohi
m.Il eftthem andwentt ocheck
onev eryone.Iwentupstairstoshower ed,Ichanged
i
ntohi sbasketbal
l j
erseytookoutmyl aptop.
Honest l
yspeakingIhadn’ topenedi tsi
nceIl eftand
thatwasov eramont hago, andstartedregretti
ngi t
themi nuteIdidbecauset heemai l
sst ar
tedf looding
i
n.Ist ar
tedwi t
htheonesmar kedurgent.
2hour sl aterIwast i
redandIcoul dn’
treadanymore,
Khenanwasn’ ti
nbedandIwashungr y.Iwent
downst air
sandmadeasnack, KhenanandKeenan
wer en’tinthelounge, al
ltheli
ghtswer eout
.Iwent
tothest udyandt hedoorwassl ightl
yopenedand
Khenanwassi tti
nginhischairfacingtheothersi
de,
“andt hat ’
sallyoucansay ?Sorry….Mydaught eri
s
sitt
ingi nhospi t
albecauseofy ourbloody
negligence…scar ed?Ohy oushoul dbescarednow.”
Iinterr
upt edhim byknocki ngont hedoorandhecut
thecallandlookedatme,“heybaby
,whyareyou
up?”Iwalkedaroundhistabl
eandsatonhisl
ap,
“wasget t
ingsomewor kdoneandcamedownf ora
snack.”Herubbedmyt ummy ,“
youshoul
dbe
rest
ing.”
Me:
Thedoct
orsai
dIcanwor
k.
Hi
m:Atmi
dni
ght
?
Me:
Wast
hatMar
tha?
Hel
etoutasi
ghandscr
atchedhi
shead,
“yeah.
”
Me:
And?
Hi
m:t
hedoct
orwasr
ight
,shef
ell
andhi
therhead.
Me:Sowhydi
dn’
tshet
akehert
othegeti
tchecked
out
?
Hi
m:Becauseshedi
dn’
tcr
y.
Me:
Excuseme?
Hi
m:Exact
ly,
shewi
l
lgetwhat
’scomi
ngt
oher
.
Me:Sheisn’
twort
hit
,tomor
rowi
sthescan.Focus
ongett
ingZeebet
ter
.
Hel
etoutasi
gh,
“whatdi
dIdot
oev
erdeser
vey
ou?
”
Me:
Beat
sme!
!Haha.
Hepickedmeupbr idal
styl
eandtookmet obed,
he
gent
leplacedmeont hebedandkneltov
ermeand
ki
ssedmyl ips,
“thankyou.
”
Me:
Whatf
or?
Him:Every
thing,forcomingback.Ihadl
ostal
lfai
th.
It
houghtyoudi dn’twantanyt
hingtodowit
hme.I’m
sososorryforhur t
ingyouthewayIdid,
Iwasgoing
cr
azywithouty ou.Istar
teddr
inki
ngcoff
ee.

Iletoutali
tt
legi
ggle,“
6cupsaday.BabyI’
m not
j
oki ngher
e.Thankyouforgi
vi
ngmet hisgi
ft,and
thisti
mewewi llhol
dourbaby.Hewi
llsurv
ive.”
Me:
She.
Hi
m:YouknowwhatImean.
Him: Buthonest
ly,
youhav esuchalovi
ngheartandI
don’tdeserv
ethemercyy ouhav egi
venme.AndI
promisethatIwil
lnever
,everhurtyouthewayIdid
i
nt hepast…Ilovewit
hmyal l,andIwil
lal
waysdoso
t
il
lmyl
astbr
eat
he.
Me:
Pleasedon’
tlett
hisbeanot
herpr
oposal
.
Hi
m: Ha,I’
m bei
ngseri
ousher
eandy
ou’
recr
acki
ng
j
okes.Idon’
tevenknowwhyIbot
her
.
Heroll
edtothesideandpr etendedtosulk,
“you
mad?”henoddedandIki ssedhi sfor
ehead.He
shookhishead,andIki
ssedhi scheek.Ishookhis
headandpouted,Igi
ggl
edt omy sel
fandgav ehi
ma
babyki
ss,“whatwasthatsupposedt obe? ”
Me:
Ithoughty
ouwant
edaki
ss.
Hi
m:y
ou’
resuchacheat
.
Andbef or
eIcoul drespondhehadhi sarm ar ound
mywai standhepul ledmet ohi m andpressedhi s
l
ipsonmi ne.Irespondedandhef lippedmeov er
ontomybackst i
llwithhisli
pslockedi nmi ne.He
ki
ssedmesof tl
ycaressi ngmycheekwi t
honehand,
hiski
ssgotmor epassi onat
e.hewassucki ngonmy
l
owerlipandr unninghi shandonmybody .Ifel
this
hardshaftagainstmypeach, andhest ar
tedgr indi
ng
onmeandt henhest opped.
Iopenedmyey esandl ookedathi m, “andt hen? ”He
gavemeacr ookedsmi leandbi thislowerl ip,he
didn’tanswerme.I nsteadhet ookbot hmyhands
andpi nnedt hem abov emyhead, secur i
ngt hem in
placewi t
hj ustoneofhi shand.Hest artedgi vi
ngme
butterf l
ykissesal lal
ongmyneckanddownmy
shoul derandmadehi swaybackup.Hi shotbr eat he
histhebackofmyneckandshi v erswentdownmy
spineandIj erkedabi t.Heni bbl edonmyear ,and
hisbr eathingi nst antlymademewet .Heusedhi s
otherhandt or eachi n-betweenmyl egs, Iwasn’ t
wear inganyunder wearandhet ouchedmypeach
andt henst oppedagai n.Hel ookedatmequi zzically,
“what ?Iwasn’ tget ti
ngany .”Hepl antedandki sson
myl ips, “
yout alkt oomuch. ”heki ssedmeonemor e
ti
meandt henhet urnedmeont opofhi m, hepul led
outoft heki ssandsl i
ddownt hebedandbet ween
myl egs.Hepul ledmedownt owar dshi sfaceand
startedf east i
ngonmypeach.Idi dn’
tt akev erylong
toreachmypeakandIshookl ikecr azyonhi sf ace
andt hatdi dn’ tst ophim.Hel ickedmecl eanand
thenst ar
tedagai n,hesl i
doutf rom undermebef or e
Icameonhi sf aceagai n.Nowhewaskneel ing
behindmewi thhisf i
nger sdanci ngar oundmycl it
several ti
mesbef oreinser t
ingt hem deepi nmewhi l
e
plantingki ssesonmybut t.Mychestwasagai nst
thebedandmyassi nt heai rindoggyst yl
eposi t
ion.
Hest oppedf inger i
ngmeandst artedtappi ngmycl it
withhi sfinger s,beforesepar atingmybut tcheeks
andeat i
ngmypussyf rom behi nd.Igr ippedt he
sheeti nmyhandsandl etoutl oudmoans, Icameso
hardandf loppedont hebed.Het r
iedt otouchmy
cli
tandIt wi t
chedandcl osedmyl egs.Iwasst il
ltoo
sensitive;hef lippedmebackar oundandki ssedmy
l
ipsmaki ngmet astemyj uices, “hi.”Icouldn’ teven
speak, “hhmm? ”hechuckl ed.Idon’ tknowwhenhe
hadt akenhi spant sof f
, butIf elthisheadatt he
openi ngofmypeach.Hepushedi n, andcoul dn’
tf i
t.
Hepausedandpushedi nagai nandIl etoutagr asp.
Hest artedmov ingsof t
lymaki ngl ov etome.Al l
nightlong, overandov eragai n, roundaf terr ound
untilIcoul dn’ttakeitnomor e.Wet ookashower
andf ellasleepwhent hesunwascomi ngout .
[
11/
23,
18:
09]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode116
WhenIwokeupt her
ewasanot eont hebat hr
oom
mirror,Ismi l
edtomy sel
fbeforedoi ngmymor ni
ng
routi
neandheadi ngdownstairs.Igottothekitchen
andt heki dswerealli
ntherewi thnoadult
supervision.Lakhiwewassitt
ingont hestoolhaving
cerealwhi leKhanyiwasfeedi
ngTeewhatl ooked
l
ikepor ri
dge, “
Uhm, goodmor ning.”Lakhi
wel aughed
andgr untedagoodmor ningbackatme.Khany iwas
socaughtupi nwhatshewasdoi ngthatshedidn’t
evennot icemypr esence.
Me:
Khany
i?
Her
:Ya.
Me:
Sor
ry?
Her
:Oh,
heymommy
.
Me:
What
’sgoi
ngonher
e?
Her
:Whatdoesi
tlookl
i
keI
’
m doi
ng?
Shetur
nedtolookatmeandsher oll
edhereyes
bef
oretur
ningar oundtoconti
nuewithwhatshewas
doi
ng.Teedidn’tseem tomindbutshewasina
mess,“
Khany i
ist hathowyouspeak?”
Her
:I’
m sor
ryIj
usthav
eal
otonmypl
ater
ightnow.
Me:Shouldthenannynotbet
heonef
eedi
ngt
he
chi
l
dren,oranot
heradult
?
Her
:Doy
ouseeanyot
heradul
tar
ound?
Me:I
’
llbeatthatat
ti
tudeoutofy
oui fyoucont
inue.
Nowbringthather
eandgogetdr ess.
Lakhiwechuckled,“t
oldyou.”Ishothim aney e,“hey
Ididn’
tdoany t
hing?”Khanyihandedmet hebowl
whichfeltl
ikei
twast akenoutoft hefreezer,“whyis
thi
snotwar m?”sheshr uggedhershoul ders,“she
l
ikesitli
kethat
.”Thischil
d,“havey oueaten?”she
shookherhead, “y
ougetupst air
sandgetdr essed,i
f
youaren’tdownher ein30mi nutesful
lydress…
you’l
lsee.”
Lakhiwelaughedharder,“
mxm. ”Iputthepor r
idge
downt hedrainandwarmeduphal facupofski m
milkandgav eitt
oTeei nasippiecup.Imade
scrambledeggandt oastfort
hegi rl
s,addi
nga
sausageforKhany i
whocamedownasIf i
nished
feedi
ngTee.
Me:
I’
ll
bedowni
nabi
t,pl
easeber
eady
.We’
re
al
readyr
unni
ngl
ate.
ItookTeeupwi thmeandcl eanedherf aceand
hands,Ichangedi ntosomethingappropriat
eandwe
headedout .Icoul dn’
tbeli
evemyey eswhenI
openedt hegar age, t
herewasami nivani nour
garage.Wast hi sourlif
enow?Iwant edt ocry,
I’
ve
alwaystoldmy selfIwouldneverbecaughti noneof
these.Andher eIwas, dr
ivi
ngmy3chi ldrento
school,whil
et heot herwasinhospitalandanother
ont heway.Yip, thiswasme! !
!
Wegoti nandIst r
appedTeeinherbluecarseatand
wedr oveoff
,“sodidyourdadenrol
them inanyday-
care?”Lakhi
weshookhi shead,
“uhm ok,sowhatdo
thetwinsdodur i
ngtheday?”Heshrugged,“
ok
buddywhatisi t
?”
Hi
m:Not
hing.
Me:
Real
l
ynow?
Him:Ijustdon’
tunder
standwhyy
ouneedt
oaskme
abouthiskids.
Me:Ithoughwetalkedabouti
tandwe’
reov
ert
his
andyouloveyoursist
ers.
Hi
m:Ido.
Me:
Then?
Hi
m:Theyar
egi
rl
s.
Me:
Whatel
sear
etheysupposedt
obe?
Hi
m:Boy
s…dah.
Me:
Wai
t,y
ou’
renotmadaty
ourf
atherany
mor
e?
Hi
m: I
’
m st
il
lmad,
justt
hatI
’
dbel
essmadi
fthey
wer
eboys.
Me:
Hahaha,
andwher
eist
hiscomi
ngf
rom?
Him:Ij
ustf
eeltherearetoomanygi
rl
sinthehouse.
Dadisal
waysfaffi
ngar oundt
het
wins,Uncl
eKis
faf
fi
ngabouthi
st r
ipl
ets.Andme?
Me:
I’
m her
e.
Hi
m:Yeah,
buty
ou’
reagi
rlt
oo.
Me:
Nott
hatt
ypeofgi
rlandy
ouknowt
hat
.
Hi
m Youj
ustdon’
tgeti
t.
Me:
Ireal
l
ydon’
t.l
et’
sdi
scusst
hisov
erf
if
atoni
ght
.
Hi
m:Pshl
i
key
ouknowhowt
opl
ay.
Me:
Don’
tunder
est
imat
etheboyi
nme!
!
Hi
m:We’
l
lseeaboutt
hat
.
Me:
What
ever
,am Ipi
cki
ngy
ouupsamet
ime?
Him:Yeah,andmakesomet
hingni
cef
orsupper
.I
haveastudygroup.
Me:
Andy
ou’
reonl
ytel
l
ingmenow?
Hi
m:Youobv
iousl
ydi
dn’
tcheckt
hef
ri
dge.
Heroll
edhisey esandj umpedoffthecarandt
hr ew
medeuces.Whatwast hat
?Likereal
lywhodoes
that
?Iletoutasi gh,“
Khanyi,
you’r
enext.
”Shedidn’t
answerme, guessshewasangr yaboutt
heepisode
wehadi nthekitchen.
Me:
Andt
hel
ongf
ace?
Her
:Not
hing.
Il
etherbeanddr ovehertoschool.Idrovetot he
shoppingcentr
et obuythi
ngsforthestudygr oup.I
tr
iedtocallKhenanbuthisphonewasof fsoI
fi
guredtheywerestil
lbusy.TeeandIwentaboutour
businessforanhourandthenIwal kedintoaki d’
s
stor
et obuythem afewout f
it
swhenIr eceivedacall
,
“
Keenan?
”
Hi
m:Ineedy
out
ogethome.
Me:
Ijustwantt
ogett
hegi
rl
ssomet
hingsmal
l
.
Hi
m:Thando,
now!
Me:
Ist
her
esomet
hingwr
ongwi
tht
hebabi
es.
Hi
m:I
’
llexpl
ainwheny
ougether
e.
Me:
KeenanIdon’
thav
eti
mef
o-
Someonegrabbedt hephonefr
om myhandand
endedthecal
l,
“heyBossLady ,
goodt
oseey ou
agai
n.”Iwasconfused,“
Ice.
”
Hi
m:Not
imet
oexpl
ain,
weneedt
ogetgoi
ng.
Me:
Whati
sgoi
ngon?
Hi
m:I
’
llexpl
ainont
heway
.
Hepushedmyt rol
l
eyoutoftheshopwal kingswiftl
y
whichseemedtoexcit
eTeewhowasi nsidethe
tr
oll
ey.Wegottohiscarandheloadedev eryt
hing
andputmei nt
hebackanddr ov
eint heopposite
di
recti
on.Nott
owardsthehouse,“I
ce.”Hedidn’t
bothert
oanswerme.Wedr ovearoundforawhi l
e
bef
orehest
art
edmaki
nghi
swayt
othehouse.

Atthispoi
ntIwassoangrybey
ond, butIwascal
m.I
walkedinlet
ti
ngIcecar
ryev
ery
thing.ItookTeet
o
herbedroom bef
oregoi
ngtoKeenan.
Me:
Andwhatwast
hat
?
Hi
m:Sor
rysweet
y,f
alseal
arm.
Me:
What
?
Hi
m:Yeah,
itwasnot
hing.
Me:
Whatdi
dyout
hinki
twas?
Hi
m:It
hought
her
ewast
roubl
e.
Me:
Troubl
efr
om?
Hi
m:Justt
roubl
e.
Me:
Wher
eisKhenan?
I
ce:
Att
hehospi
tal
.
Me:
Howdoy
ouknow?
I
ce:
Ijustcamef
rom t
her
e.
Me:
Giv
ememyphone.

HedidthatandIdial
l
edKhenan’snumber
,“Heybaby,
Iwasjustaboutt
ocallyou.
”Il
etoutasi
ghofrel
ief
,
“howisevery
thi
nggoing?”
Hi
m:Weal
ri
ght
,I’
mjustwai
ti
ngf
ort
hedoct
or.
Me:
Alr
ight
,letmeknowwhatshesay
s.
Hi
m:Lov
eyou.
Me:
Lov
eyout
oo.
Thesei diotsweresittingont hecouchwi thgrinson
theirfaces, “thi
sisn’tov er
.”Iwal kedawayf rom them
andt ot heki t
chenandpackedev er yt
hingandt hereit
wast hecal endarofal lthedatesandchi ldren’
s
extramur alacti
vit
iesandev er
y thing.OkIsmi l
edt o
my self,hehadev erythingonl ockandheseemedt o
ber unni ngthehousehol dsmoot hlywithoutme.That
waswhenIr emember edt her
ewasn’ tany oneher ei
n
themor ningt ohelpwi ththeki ds; Khenanwoul d
neverl eav ethem unat tended.Isenthi m at extand
wentupst ai
rstochangeandt henwentt ocheckon
Abebi
.

*
***
***
**Keenan*
***
***

Thandodisappearedint
ot her
oom leavi
ngmeand
Icei
nthelounge,“and?”heshrugged,“
Ididn’
tsee
anyt
hing,
arey ousureit’
shertough?”
Me:Ar
eyour eal
l
yaskingmet
hatquest
ion?When
hav
eIeverbeenwrong?
Hi
m:Wel
lhowdi
dyoupi
cki
tup?
Me:Ihaveanaler
tonher,sowhenwel
andedt
her
e
wer
er edfl
agsall
overCapeTown.
Hi
m:Wher
eabout
?
Me:
ever
ywher
e…
I
ce:
Whydi
dn’
tIpi
ckt
hisup?
Me:
Becausey
ouj
ustar
en’
tasgoodasme.
I
ce:
What
ever
.
Hegotup,
“Beer
?”Ishookmyhead,
“ar
eyoumad?
YouwantAbebi t
okil
l me?”hechuckled,
“Yousee
whyI’
llneverbet
ieddown, Idon’
tli
vebytherul
es.”
Hedisappearedi
ntothekit
chenandmyphoner ang
wit
hanumberIdi dn’
trecognise.
Me:
Keenanhel
l
o.
Hi
m:Howar
eyouson?
Myarmpit
sgothotandIst
oodup,
“uhm,
Mr
Adeday
o,howareyousi
r?I
’mfi
ne.
”
Adeday
o:Rel
ax,
how’
smydaught
erdoi
ng?
Me:Shei
sal
ri
ght
,thet
imei
snear
ingandAbebi
is
t
ir
ed.
Adeday
o:I
’
llbefl
yi
ngther
einthenextweekandI
hat
ethi
swholehotel
thi
ng,y
ouknowwhatImean?
Me:
Uhm,
yessi
rIdo,
Icansety
ouupi
nmyhouse.
Adeday
o:Yourhouse?
Me:
Wel
l
,ourhouse.Mi
neandAbebi
.
Adeday
o:Idi
dn’
tknowaboutt
his.
Me:
Wel
l
,shedoesn’
tknowabouti
tei
ther
.Uhm Iwa-
Adeday
o:Don’
texpl
ain
[
11/
23,
18:
09]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode117

Hedr oppedt hecallbef

oreIcoul dsayby ebackt o
him.Isatdown, Iwasal i
tt
leshaky .Idon’tknowwhy
becauset hatconversati
onwaspr ettystrai
ght
forward,butitwasmyf i
ancé’sfather.Ishookof fthe
feeli
ngandwentt olookforIce,Ifoundhi mr ai
ding
thekitchen,“
dude? ”helookedatme, “
what ?
”he
askedwi thhismout hfull
.Heswal lowedandt ooka
sipoft hebeer,“
Idon’tthi
nkI’dbeabl etoli
vewi t
h
BossLadyper manently,I
’
dgett oof at.Thisshiti
s
good, howdoy oudoi t?”
Me:
Dowhat
?
Hi
m:St
ayoutoft
heki
tchen?
Me:Well
mygi r
lf
ri
endcancook,
soThando’
s
cooki
ngdoesn’
tphaseme.
Thando:
Itdoesn’
t?

If
rozei
nmyt
racks,
“wel
lnoti
nabadway
.”
Thando:
Whatway
?
I
cechuckl
edt
ohi
msel
f,“
isAbebi
up?Ineedt
otal
k
t
oher.
”
Her
:Aboutmycooki
ng?
Me:
Noaboutherf
athercomi
ngi
ntot
own.
Her
:That
’sni
ce,
wheni
shecomi
ng?
Me:
Notsur
ebutsoon.
Her
:MustIpr
epar
ear
oom?
Me:
Nohewi
l
lbest
ayi
ngatourhouse.
Her
:Isit
?Areyougoi
ngt
omov
eAbebi
int
hest
ate
t
hatshe’
sin?
Me:
Wel
l
…uhm.
Her
:Thoughtso.Shei
sup.

Il
eftt
hem andwalkedi
ntoherr
oom,Iopenedt
he
doorqui
etl
yandshelookedupatmefrom t
hebed.
Me:
Heybabymama.
Her
:Babywho?
Me:
Rel
ax,
Ibr
oughty
ousomet
hing.
Her
:KeenandoIl
ookl
i
keIhav
eti
met
opl
ay?

Iwalkedaroundthebedt
oherside,“
doIl
ookl i
ke
I’
m playi
ng?”shegavemeastr
aightl
ook,Iknel
ton
hersideofthebedandki
ssedherlar
genose.
Me:
Youwantt
hegoodnewsorbadnewsf
ir
st?
Her
:Thebadnews.
Me:WellIj
ustgotoffthephone…andy
ouwoul
dn’
t
guesswhoIwast al
kingto.
Her
:Ist
hisaguessi
nggame?
Me:
Babyr
elaxman,
wel
li
twaswi
thy
ourf
ather
.
Her
:Whatdoeshewant
?
Me:
Hei
scomi
ngher
esoon.
Her:
Soonasinanhour’
sti
meorl
ikewhenthe
babi
esarebor
n?Therear
esomanysoons,
canyou
bealit
tl
emorespeci
fi
c?
Me:
Babywhyar
eyoupani
cki
ng?
Her
:Whyar
en’
tyou?
Me:
Hewon’
tfi
ndout
.
Her
:Andy
ouknowt
hisbecause?
Me: Ij
ustknow,hewascoolov
ert
hephone.Ifhe
suspectedanyt
hinghewasgoi
ngtoconf
rontme
aboutit
.
Her:
Andwhatifhei
swait
ingtogether
eandshoot
youdeadont
hespot?Whatthen?
Me:Hewouldn’tdothat
,hel
ovesyoutoomuchand
woul
dneverleaveyoutorai
setr
ipl
etsony
ourown.
Her
:What
’st
hegoodnews?
Sheseemednoti
nter
est
ed,“
wel
lyouwantt
hegood
newsfi
rstort
hegr
eatnews?
”
Her
:Keenan.
Igotupandwalkedt othedoorandcamebackwi th
abox ,
asmilecreptoverherface.Iplacedt hebox
onherlap,
“baby,no!”Ididn’
tsayany thi
ngjust
watchedheropentheboxwi t
hexci t
ement ,she
l
ookedatthecream bunsandt henshef rownedthen
l
ookedupatme, “
baby ?
”Shehadt earsinhereyes,
“oh,almostf orgot
.”Ireachedint
omybackpocket
andgotoutabot t
leofmust ar
d,“Il
ovey ouso
much. ”Shesai dwithherhandoutr eachingforthe
must ard,shesquirteditovert
hewhi t
ecr eam and
tookabi t
e,“hmmmmmm…ohmyf uck.”Shesai d
withhermout hfull
,thi
swast hemostdi sgusti
ng
thi
ngev erbutanythingformywife.
Me:
I’
ll
gety
oumi
l
k,I
’
llber
ightback.
Shedidn’tevenlookatme,shegav
emeat humbs
upandIl efther
.WhenIgotbackshewasonthelast
donut,Ihandedherthemil
kandshegul
peditdown,
“babyyou’r
et hebest
!”
Me:
Iknowr
ight
.Ar
eyouf
eel
i
nganybet
ter
?
Shenodded,“butIwanttotakeanap.”Sherol
led
ontohersi
de,Itookmyshoesof fandgotinbehi
nd
herandrubbedherbell
y.Sheletoutasigh,
“what’
s
wrongbaby?”
Her:I
fmydadf i
ndsoutwegotmar
ri
edwit
houtt
hei
r
knowledgehewil
lski
nbot
hofusal
ive.
Me:Hewon’
tfi
ndoutt
hough.Ihav
ethi
sunder
cont
rol
.
Her
:May
bewemadeami
stake,
wesh-
Me: Babywebothagreedthatwewi l
lnothave
chil
drenoutofwedl
ock.Wepr omisedeachother
that
, i
t’
stool
atetohavesecondthoughtsnow.The
worstthingy
ourfat
hercandoi si
ncreasehisdowry
.
Her
:Dowr
y?
Me:
Yesl
obol
a.
Her
:What
?
Me;Hei st
heonewhobr
oughti
tup…whatwasI
supposedtosay
?
Her
:Ihav
eabadf
eel
i
ngabouthi
svi
si
t.
Me:
heal
readyl
ovesme…r
elax.
He:
Hmmm
Ikissedthebackofherneck, “
rel
ax.”Ikisseddown
hershoulders.“Babywhatar eyoudoi ng?”Ididn’
t
answerher ,butranmyf i
ngersalonghersi de
maki ngmywayt oherbreastcaressingthem,
“baby ?
”Iwhisperedinherear,“sssshhh, r
elax.
”She
didjustthat,andletoutt
inymoansasIwor kedmy
wayal loverherbody .Weplayedaroundi nthe
sheets,t
her
ewasnopartofherbodyt
hatIl
eft
untouched,
unki
ssed.
Wespentt herestoft
hedayi nbed, makinglov
e.We
cuddl ed,andIhadt omakeacoupl eofdashestot he
kitchenf orfoodandrefreshments.Abebi wasnow
sleeping, shelookedt
iredbutshehadasmi leonher
face.Shel ookedsopeaceful,
Ilovedwat chi
ngher
sleep.Itmademehappybecauseshehasbeen
hav i
ngahar dt i
mewiththispregnancy.Sheneeded
ther est.Just2mor eweeksandt heni
twoul dall
be
ov er.
MyphoneranganditwasI ce,Abebimov
edabit
whenthephonewentoff.Itookitt
othebat
hroom
andansweredi
t,“
yeah?
”
Hi
m:I
’
vebeenwai
ti
ngf
ory
ou.
Me:
Whaty
ouwant
?
Hi
m:Youj
ustl
eftme.
Me:
I’
m wi
thmywoman.
Hi
m:Ihav
eal
ead.
Il
etoutasi
ghandpeepedi
ntot
hebedr
oom,
Abebi
wasst
il
lsleepi
ng,
“al
ri
ght
,I’
l
lbether
ejustnow.
”Iput
onmypajamapantsandwalkedout
.

Ifoundhimintheloungeonhi slaptopwithaplate
ofwhatlookedli
kepasta,“
really
?St il
lati
t?”he
l
ookedatme, “r
eall
y,youcouldn’tputonat op?”
Me:
What
ever
,whaty
ougot
?
Hi
m:Checkher
e,t
her
eisy
ourgi
rl
.
Me:
Wher
eist
his?
Hi
m:Wantt
otr
yyourl
uckandt
akeawi
l
done?
Me:Ididn’
tjustl
eav
emygirlal
onei
nbedt
opl
ayt
he
guessi
nggame.Wher ei
sshe?
Hi
m:AtSpha’
shouse.
Me:
Wai
t,what
?Whi
chSpha?
Hi
m:Howmanydoy
ouknow?
Me:
Whati
sshedoi
ngher
e?
Hi
m: Well
letmesee,may
bewatchi
ngamov
ie.dude
I
’m her
ewithyousohowwoul
dIknow.
Me:
Thi
nkweshoul
dtel
lThando?
Hi
m: Andsaywhatexact
ly?It
hinkweshoul
dgo
t
here.
Me:
Weshoul
dgowher
e?
Hi
m:Tohi
shouse.
Me:
youwantt
odi
e?
Hi
m:Hewon’
tdoany
thi
ngt
ous.
Me:Wel
lgoonyourown,
Idon’
thav
eadeat
hwi
sh.
Hav
eyouseenhi
sweaponsroom?
Hi
m:Andhowwoul
dyouknowaboutt
hat
?
Me: BecauseI
’
m smar t
,Icanbeanywher
eand
everywherewi
thoutbei
ngthere.I
’
m notr
eadyt
odi
e,
I’
m abouttobeaf at
her
.
Hi
m:Wel
l
,cany
ougeti
ntohi
shousenow?
Me:
Getmeacof
fee!

IsatdownasIcedr
aggedhi
mselft
otheki
tchenand
Istar
tedt
ypi
ngawayonmyPC, hecamebackwith
thecoff
eeandst oodtheref
orasecond, “
hel
l
o, over
here.
”Hedidn’tmove,“youcan’thearthat
?”I
stoppedty
ping,t
henitwasqui et,Igav
ehimt helook,
“dude…you’r
ehea-”

Ididn’tev enf i
nishmysent enceandt henIhear dt he
shout ,“Keeeeenan! !!
”Istoodup, andj ustst oodt here
withmyhandsonmyhead, Ishutt hel apt opand
startedpacki ngi taway ,I
cewast al kingt omebutI
wasn’ thear ingany t
hinghewassay ing.Nextt hingI
feltonehotsl apacr ossmyf ace.Icamebackt o
ear t
h, “
ohshi t…br i
ngt hecarar ound. ”Ior derI ce,I
wentt ot her oom andAbebi wasnowonherf eetstil
l
naked.“ Thebabi esarecomi ng,”shest oodi na
puddl e.It ookadeepbr eath,“arey ouf eelingany
pain? ”sheshookherhead, alr
ight.Iheadedi ntot he
closetandgotherni ghieandagownandt hen
pickedupt hebabybag.Iwentt ot hebat hr oom and
gotat owel forherandcl eanedherup.Idr essedher
andt henwewal kedoutt hedoort oget her.Whenwe
gott ot hef rontdoorI cewasal readypar kedcl oset o
thedoor ,andwai ti
ngf orus.Wegoti ntot hecar ,and
headedt
othehospi
tal
.

Abebi wascal mt hewhol etimeandshewas

breathing, I
cewasi nthedr i
ver’sseatspeedi ng,
“hell
o, pregnantwomani ntheback.Cany oubea
l
ittl
emor ecar eful!!
”Abebi grabbedmyar m, “
y es
baby ?”Smi led,“ r
elaxplease.”Okhowcanshebe
thiscalm?“ Ar ey oui nanypai n?”shecr ingedher
face,“justabi t,singt ome. ”Ilookedather
quizzically
,“what ?”shesmi ledf aint
ly,“
singmet hat
songy ourmom usedt osingt oy ouwheny ouwer e
young. ”Iwassoconf used;Idon’ tknowwhyt hisjust
didn’tfeelright.“Ar eyougoi ngt owai tti
llt
hebabi es
areher e?”shel aughed, andIst artedsingingtoher ,
andIpaused, “arey ouok? ”shesmi led,“
don’tstop.”I
sangt ill
wegott ot hehospital,Isortedout
everythingandshewassetupi nherpr ivateroom.I
waspaci ngupanddownast henur seswer e
attachinghert ot hemachi nery,“baby ?”

Isnappedoutofi
tandr
ant
ohersi
de,
“yesbaby
,ar
e
youok?”shenodded,
“Pl
easecany
ougetmesome
water
?”
Me:
Thenur
sescandot
hat
,I’
m notgoi
ngany
wher
e.
Her
:Will
thenur
sescal
lmyf at
hert
ooandt
ell
him
he’
saboutt
obeagrandfat
her?

Shehadapoi
nt,“al
ri
ghtdon’tgoany
whe-uhm…you
knowwhatImean.”Iwalkedoutswi
ftl
yandf
ound
Iceont
hewait
ingchair
s.
Me:
Whatar
eyoust
il
ldoi
ngher
e?
Him:Her
etowipey
ourshi
tof
fthef
loorwheny
ou
shi
tyour
sel
f.
Me:
Makey
our
sel
fusef
ulandgetsomewat
er.
Him:Idi
dn’
tmakeany
onepr
egnant
,Ibetsheasked
you.
Me;Thi
sisn’
tthet
imeort
hepl
acef
ory
ourj
okes
andpl
ayi
ngaround.
Him:I
tact
uall
yis,
ifyoudon’
tstopstr
essi
ngyouwil
l
endupinhospi
tal
too.ThenIgettohol
dyourbabi
es
bef
orey
oudo!
!

Ialmostthrewmyphoneathim,andthen
remember edthatIneedt
ocal
lAbebi
’
sdad,“
justget
thewaterwi l
lyou.
”

*
***
***
**Abebi
***
***
***
***
*

Il
etoutasi
ghandt
henur
sel
aughed,
“fi
stbi
rt
h?”I
nodded.
Her
:Wel
lhei
sn’
tthatbadact
ual
l
y.
Me:Reall
y?Ihadtogethi
mt osi
ngformeont
he
wayherejustsohecankeephi
scool.
Her
:Andwhyar
eyousocal
m?
Me:
I’
m adoct
or…wel
lsor
tof
.
IthoughtforasecondthatIhadn’tst
eppedintomy
scrubsinages,Ihadn’
tpract
icedmedicinei
nsolong.
Whatwi l
lItel
lmybabies?Idon’thaveajob,I’
m
unemployed.
Ireali
zedal l
Ihav ebeendoi ngwasr unni ngar ound
withthisil
legalbusinessandendeduppr egnant.My
babydaddoesn’ tworkeither,andmi ndy ouhei s2
yearsy oungerthanme.mymi ndstartedr acing,I
wasi nterr
uptedbyt hedoct orcomingi nandKeenan
foll
owedbehi nd.Shegr eetedmeandst artedt o
explaintheprocess, “
don’twor r
yIknow, I’
ma
doctor.”Isaidgivi
ngheraf akesmile,“baby ,please
wej ustneedt obecar ef
ul andwellinformed.Lether
doherwor kplease.
”
Iroll
edmyey estomy sel
fandli
stenedtot
hedoctor
tell
i
ngmeev er
ythi
ngIalr
eadyknew.Sheleftus
aloneandKeenangav emet hel
ook, “
what?
”he
shruggedhisshoulder
s,“
youknowsheknowsher
j
obr ight
?”
Me:
SodoI
.
Hi
m: Ispoket
oy ourfat
her
;Hewi
l
lbeont
hef
ir
st
f
li
ghtinthemorning.

Ij
ustnodded;
westayedi
nsil
enceunti
ltheycameto
wheelmeout…Keenanki
ssedmylips,
“Iloveyou.
”I
smil
ed,andwhi
sper
edbacktohim,“Il
ovey
out
oo.
”
Andthewheel
edmedownt hecorr
idor
.
[
11/
23,
18:
09]Ly
nne:
EPI
SODE118

*
***
***
**Keenan*
***
***
***

Istoodt hereast heywheel edherdownthecor r

idor
,
at eardroppeddownmycheekandmyhear trate
accelerated.Ifeltahandonmyshoul der
,“sti
l
l
standingIsee?Wantt ogr absomet hi
ngtoeat,I’
m
hungr y!
!”Iletoutasigh,“Iknowy ou’r
ehungrytoo,
andy ouknowt heywillbei nther
eforaboutanhour
andahal fright
?”
Me:
Howcany
oubesur
e?
Him:Howcanyounot
,thesear
eyourchi
l
dren.Di
dn’
t
youdoyourr
esear
ch?
?
Me:
Shutup!
!
Hi
m: Theywil
lbefi
ne,t
here’
sthi
sawesomet
aco
pl
acearoundthecor
ner.
Me:
I’
m notl
eav
ingt
hehospi
tal
.
Hi
m:Theywi
l
lbef
ine.
Me:Cany
ouconf
ir
mthat
?Cany
ouputt
hatony
our
l
if
e?
Hi
m:Dude
Me:
Don’
tdudemet
hisi
smywi
feandki
ds!
!
Hi
m:Youmeanf
iancér
ight
?
Me:
Mxm…what
ever
.
Hi
m:Youmar
ri
edherdi
dn’
tyou?
Me:
Fuckof
f.
Hi
m:Ohshi
t.Doesherf
atherknow?
Me:
Stopi
t!
!
Hi
m:oooooohni
ggery
ou’
redead.
Istoodupandwal kedawayfrom him outt
he
hospital
.Icheckedthecarandfoundapackof
cigarett
esandlitone.Hewalkedtowar dsmeandI
turnedaroundandwal kedaway,“you’
rebeing
childi
shnow.”
Me:
Andy
ou’
rebei
nganass.
Him:Butthat’
sme,Iam anass.Andev
ery
one
knowsthat.soyoumarr
iedheruhm??
Itookadragoft hecigarett
eandIt hr
ewittothe
ground,“
whatwasIsupposedt odoman? ”Isai
d
stompingthecigaret
te.IlookedupatIcewhohada
nowser i
ouslookonhi sface,“youweresupposedt
o
goaboutittheproperwaydude. ”
Me:GotoAdedayoandt
ellhi
m Ii
mpr
egnat
edhi
s
daught
erandwantt
omarryher?
Him:Wel
lwheny
ouputi
tli
ket
hati
tmakesi
tseem
dumb.
Me: Well
whatshouldIhavedone,theyhadn’
t
spokeniny ear
s.shewaspregnant
,andyouknow
thetypeofhomeIcomef rom…Icanthav emy
chil
drengrowingupli
kemeorev enAbebifort
hat
sake.
Hi
m:Abebi
?
Me:Shehaditroughhenceherandherfather
hav
en’tbeent
alki
nginli
keforev
er.Shealsolosther
mot
her
.
Hi
m:Thenwhoi
sthewomanhe’
sal
way
swi
th?
Me:
Stepmot
her
.
Hi
m:Damn,
thef
uck!
!
Me:Yeah,soIwasn’
tgoi
ngt
ohav
emychi
l
drenbor
n
outofwedlock.
Hi
m:DoesKhenanknow?
Me:
Arey
oumad?
Hi
m:Hei
syourbr
other
.
Me:
What
’sy
ourpoi
nt?
Hi
m:He’
dgeti
t.
Me:Nohewouldn’
t!
!Hewentaboutthingsther
ight
waywi
thThando,hewoul
dneverapprove.
Hi
m:You’
l
lnev
erknow.
Me:
Welli
t’
sdone.Sowher
e’st
hatpl
acey
ouwant
ed
t
oeatat
?
Him:Nahther
eisnoplace;
Ijustneededtocal
m
yourassdown.we’
l
lgetsomethinghere.
Anhourl
aterwewer
ebackatthewai
ti
ngroom,
Ice
l
ookedathiswat
ch,
“yoh,
youdon’
thav
etobehere.
”
Hi
m:I
’
lll
eav
ein5mi
nut
est
ime.
Me:
Nowi
sgood.
Hi
m:NahI
’
llwai
t.
Me:
Iappr
eci
atei
tdog.
Hi
m:Don’
tment
ioni
t.
Me:
I’
ll
bet
her
efory
ouwh
Heopenedhi sey eswi de,“thisr ighther e,”hesai d
pointi
ngatt hespacear oundus, “thiswi llnever
happent ome, Iain’
tdumbl ikey all.
”Ijustr oll
edmy
eyes,hegotupandgav emeabr ohug,
“congratul
ationsbud, t
heywi l
l bewi t
hy oui na
minute.”Hel eftandwal kedt owar dstheexi t,
Ishook
myhead, “
Mr .Khwaza? ”Iturnedar ound, “that’
sme,
yes!”Iwalkedov ertoanur sewhost oodi nthe
doorwayandIwal kedt oher ,“howi sshe?Ar emy
babiesalri
ght ?CanIseet hem? ”Shedi dn’tsmi l
e,
andIdi dn’
tlikethel ookonherf ace, “followme. ”she
turnedandwal keddownt hecor ri
dorandIf ollowed
her .Ifel tl
ikeIwasbacki nschool andIwasbei ng
sentt ot hepr incipal’sof fice, shest oppedatt hedoor
andpoi ntedt hrought hegl ass.Icoul dn’ thol dt hem
back, theyj ustst reameddownmyey esandI
droppedt omykneesandsobbedsof tly.If eltahand
onmyshoul der ,
“cry i
ngi sf ort hebabi esy ourf ami l
y
i
swai ti
ng. ”Inoddedandwi pedmyt earsof fmyf ace,
andst oodup.Icl earmyt hr oatandwal kedi ntot he
room, myhandswer eshaki ngandIwasscar ed.
Abebi wassl eepi ng, shel ookedsosmal l.Thenur se
l
edmet othebabi est hatwer ebesi deherbed, “why
i
shei ncubat ed? ”It urnedt ol ookather ,“Mr .Khwaza
allthebabi esar epr emat ure, y ouwer eawar eoft hat
from t het imeshehadcompl icati
ons.Theset woar e
asgoodasf ullterm, howev erhi slungsar ej ustabi t
underdev el oped, buti t’
snot hingt owor r yabout .”I
l
ookeddownathi m, hel ookedsosmal landf ragi l
e
andt henIt ur nedandIwasmetbymydaught er
wr appedi napi nkbl anket .ShewasawakeandI
pickedherup, shewasdar kandt ooador able.Iwas
scar edt oev encar r
yher ,shewasmaki ngsuckl i
ng
soundandherwhi t
emout hwasmov i
ngt oar hy t
hm
ofhersounds.Myhear tmelt
edandmyf acegothot
again,Ifeltt
het ear
sandwi pedoneawaybef oreit
roll
edallthewaydown.Igent lyputherdownand
thenpickedupmysonwhowasf astasl
eep, al
so
dark.Istoodt hereforawhilenotbeli
evi
ngt hatIwas
afatherto3beaut i
fulbabi
es.Isatdownnextt o
Abebi’sbedwi t
hmysonst i
lli
nmyar ms, andI
l
aughedatmy self
.Iactual
lywanted2gi r
ls,and
Abebi onlywant edboys,andlookhowt hatturned
out.Itookoutmyphoneandt ookasel f
iewi t
hmy
son,andt ookpi ct
uresofhisbrotherandsisterand
sentthrought oAdeday o.Herespondedwi tha
thumbsup.
Andt
henIsentat
ext
:2boy
s,1gi
rl
.

Iputt hephonebacki nmypocket.AndIputmyson

backi nhisli
ttl
ebed,Icouldn’
twi
pethesmi leofmy
face.Thenur secamei ntocheckonAbebi andthe
babies,theywer eal
lasleepnowsoIstepped
outsidewithhert of
il
loutsomedocument s.
Isati
nthechai
rforaboutanhourj
ustwat
chi
ngmy
blackpear l
sleep, andt henshewokeup.Iwason
myf eetimmedi at
ely,“heybaby.”Shesmi l
edatme
faint
ly,
“howar eyouf eeling?
”shetriedtositupand
i
tseemedast houghshewasi npain,“l
etmehelp
withthat,Iadjustedthebedandt henshelookedt o
herside,“what ’
swr ong? ”
Me:Don’
tworryaboutit
,hislungshadn’
tdevel
oped
pr
operl
ysotheyarejustkeepinghi
mi nt
herefora
whi
le.
Her
:Wi
l
lhebeal
ri
ght
?
Me:Hewil
lbegreat
, y
ou’regreat
.Youdi
da
wonder
ful
job,
andy ou’r
egoingtobesuchan
awesomemother.
Her
:It
oldy
out
her
ewasmor
ethanoneboyi
nther
e.
Haha
Me:
Wel
l
,I’
m happywi
thmypr
incess.Shel
ooksl
i
ke
me.
Her
:No.
.that
’snotf
unny
.

Iwal
kedar
oundt
hebedandpi
ckedupourson,
“meetChioke.
”Ismi l
ed,shelookedupatme, “
have
younamedourbabi es?”Ishrugged,
“Kindof.”She
smiledandIplacedhimi nherarms,“
soy ourdaddy
thi
nkshe’ssmar t
.”Shelookedupatme, “i
t’
sa
beauti
fulname.”
Me:
Wai
tti
l
lyouheart
her
est
.
Her
:Haha…I
’
llki
l
lyou!
!
[
11/
23,
18:
09]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode119

Ii
ntroducedhert
oourdaughter
,“whydot
heyonl
y
haveIgbonames?”Ishr
ugged,“
Inst
eadof
?”
Her
:Jamai
canorXhosa?
Me:Well
youcancomeupwit
hthosenames;
you
wanty
ourfat
hert
okil
lme?

Afterf
eedingthebabi
es,thenursecameintohel
p
Abebibath,“
NoI ’
l
ldothat.”Shegavemealook,
“Andwhoi sgoingtowatcht hebabi
es?
”
Me:
Thenur
se.
Her
:andt
henmychi
l
drengomi
ssi
ng,
arey
oumad?
Thenursegav eherthelook,“
please,don’
tactlike
youdon’tknowwhatI ’
mt alki
ngabout ,
don’tactso
shocked!!
”thenursedidn’
tsayany t
hing,“
Alri
ght ,
I’
ll
staywit
ht hebabi
es.”

Ist
ayedintheroom asAbebi
li
mpedtowardsthe
bat
hroom wit
hthenurse,t
hebabi
esweresleepi
ng
andmyphoner ang,
“Thando,
hey.
”
Her
:Ihear
dthebabi
esar
eher
e,canIcomesee
t
hem?
Me:
Noi
t’
stoosoon.
Her
:I’
mint
hepar
kingl
ot.
Me:
Thef
uckThando!
Her
:Ohshutup…
Icutthecall
andwai tedforhertogether e;she
knockedsoftl
yont hedoorandopenedi t, andpull
ed
alargebouquetofbal l
oons.Igaveherthel ook,
“r
eally!
”sheshruggedandwhi spered,
“what ?”I
pointedatt
hebal l
oons,sheroll
edherey esand
walkedi nandshewasf ollowedbyAdebay o.She
couldn’ttellme, li
kewhatt hehell.Ismiled,anda
smilecr eptov erhisf aceashewal kedt owardsthe
babies.Thenhet urnedar oundpoi nti
ngatt he
i
ncubat or,“premat ure.”Henoddedandl ookedback
atthesl eepingbabi es, IlookedatThandoand
mout hedsomet hi
ngt oher ,shelookedconf used,
andmout hed‘ what ’back.Ipoi ntedatt hedoorwi t
h
myey es, “we’llber i
ghtback. ”Adebay odidn’tev
en
tur
nt olookatus, hewast akenbyt hebabies
ThandoandIst eppedout side,“
ok, andthen.”
Me:
Dot
henur
sesst
eal
babi
es?
Thando:
ComeonKeenan,
real
l
y?
Me:
Justt
ell
me,
dot
hey
?
Thando:Ok,t
her
ehasbeensomecaseswher
ethey
weresuspect
edofdoi
ngsuch.
Me:
Hav
etheybeenpr
oven?
Thando:
Wel
l
…
Me:
Thandot
hisi
sser
ious.
Thando:
whyar
eyouonl
ythi
nki
ngaboutt
hisnow?
Me: BecauseAbebii
sworri
edsomeonewil
lsteal
the
babies,andIt
hinkIneedt
ogetsomeonehereto
watchher .
Thando:
Youguysar
etaki
ngthi
sthi
ngabi
ttof
ar,
andwhywil
lyoubel
eavi
ngher.
Me:Ineedt
opr
epar
ethehousef
orwhent
heycome
home.
Thando:
Wai
twer
eyouguy
sser
iousaboutt
hat
?
Me:
Thi
sisnott
het
imeort
hepl
acef
ort
hat
,don’
t.
Thando:
ButIj
ustdi
dtheoutbui
l
ding.
Me:
Thatwasni
ceofy
ou,
butnobodyaskedy
ou.
Thando:
Keenany
ouwi
l
lneedt
hehel
p.
Me:
Myaunti
scomi
ngt
ohel
pwi
tht
hat
.
Thando:
Whataunt
?
Me:
Mine.
Thando;I
fyou’
redoi
ngthi
stospi
teandpi
ssmeof
f
thenyou’
redoi
ngagreatj
obati
t.
Me:
Thando,
thi
shasnot
hingt
odowi
thy
ou…
Andthenshest
artedcryi
ng,“
whatnow?Whyar
eyou
cr
ying?
”shesni
ffed,“
leavemealone.
”
Me:
Whatt
hef
ucki
sthi
s?
“l
eavemeal one,
”shesaidasshewal
kedaway.I
heldont
omyhead, t
hisi
stoomuch.Itookadeep
breat
he,anddial
edIce,“
BabyDaddy.
”
Me:
Fucky
ou.Youknowany
onewhowor
ksher
e?
Hi
m:Whatki
ndofwor
k?
Me:Ineedsomeonet
owat
chAbebi
whenI
’
m not
her
e.
Hi
m:Wat
chhow?
Me:
Thatt
heydon’
tst
eal
thebabi
es.
Hi
m:Ei
sh,
andt
ri
plet
spr
obabl
ycostaf
ort
une.
Me;
Sot
hisi
sar
eal
thi
ng?
Him:Hell
yeah, ohtheytakethem andsel
lthem i
n
thebl
ackmar ketformot her
swhocanthav ethei
r
ownchil
dren.Theyt akethem f
orrit
ual
s,y
ouknow
thepur
erthebloodt he-
Me:
Thef
uck…ok,
youcangetmesomet
hing?
Hi
m:y
oudon’
twantt
ohearmor
e?
Me:
Ice.
Him:Al
ri
ght
,Ihav
eaf
ri
endt
hatwor
kst
her
e.She
canhel
p.
Me;
Thanks.

Iwalkedintother oom andAbebi wasonthebed

tal
kingtoherf ather
.hewasst andingov
erher
rockinghisgranddaughter,
“Ahunnawantedtocome
seet hebabies.”
Me:
I’
m sor
ryshewant
edt
owhat
?
Hi
m:Di
dIst
utt
er?
Me:No,
andwi t
hal
lduerespectsi
rIdon’
twanther
any
wherenearmyf
amily
.
Hi
m:Di
dany
oneasky
ou?
Me:
I-
Abebi
:Keenan,
please.
Shetur
nedtolookatherfather
,“andyousai
dno
ri
ght
?”heletoutasi
gh,“Isaidnotyet
.”
Abebi
:Noty
et?
Hi
m:May
bel
ater
Abebi
:Whatmake’
syout
hinkt
hati
syourcal
lto
make?
Hi
m:Shewant
stoseehergr
andchi
l
dren.
Abebi:Soshecanmur derthem l
ikeshedidmy
mother?Ev er
ythi
ngthatwomant ouchesdi
es,and
mymot her
’sdeathi
sony ourhandsforbri
ngi
ngthat
snakeintoourliv
es.Youwantmychi ldr
entodie
becauseofy ou?
Hi
m:Abebi
thati
senough,
Iam st
il
lyourf
ather
.
Abebi
:Onl
ybecauseIletyouinagain…andify oul
et
herst
epanywherecl
osetome.I fshesetsfootin
thi
scount
rywit
horwithoutyourpermissi
ony ouwil
l
besorr
y.
Hi
m:Ar
eyout
hreat
eni
ngme?
Me:
Ok,
guy
s.Thebabi
esar
esl
eepi
ng.
Heputdownmydaught erandwal kedbackt owards
herbed,“Iaskedyouaquestion.Arey outhr
eateni
ng
me? ”Abebi’
seyeswerenowf ulloftearsbutshe
didn’
tbackdown, “
youlethersetfootnearmeormy
familyandyoucantel
lmei fitwasat hreat.
”
Hi
m:Abebi
wat
chy
our
sel
f.
Me:
Sir
,canwet
alkout
side.
Hi
m:Noneed.
Heturnedandwal kedout ,Istoodforasecondnot
knowingwhet hertof oll
owhi m ortoattendt oAbebi.
Iwalkedtowar dsherbedandsheputherhandup,
“no!
”shesobbedandIwal kedoutandr anaf ter
Adebayo, “
sir
!”hei gnoredmeandcont inuedt owalk
away,“Adebay o!!
”Het urnedar oundandhi sey es
werefulloftears,Ididn’tknowhowt oact,“areyou
okay?”hesni f
fed,“doIl ookli
keI ’
m ok?”
Me:
Wel
lyouwantt
otel
lmewhat
’swr
ong?
Hi
m:Whatwi
l
lthathel
p?
Me:
Cof
fee?
Hel
etoutasigh,“I
’
mf ucki
ngdyi
ng,Ij
ustwantmy
f
amil
ytogetalong.Ist
hattoomuchtooaskfor
?”
Me:Itkindofi
s.Youknowhowt
hatwomanmakes
Abebifeel
.
Hi
m:Andt
hatwomani
smywi
fe.
Me:
AndAbebi
ismi
ne!
Hi
m:Whatdi
dyouj
ustsay
?
Me:
YouknowwhatImean?
Hi
m:NoIdon’
t,becauseIdon’
trememberr
ecei
vi
ng
adi
mefr
om you!
Me:
Idi
dn’
tmeani
tthatway
.
[
11/
23,
18:
10]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode120

Hel
etoutasigh,“I
’
mf ucki
ngdyi
ng,Ij
ustwantmy
f
amil
ytogetalong.Ist
hattoomuchtooaskfor
?”
Me:Itkindofi
s.Youknowhowt
hatwomanmakes
Abebifeel
.
Hi
m:Andt
hatwomani
smywi
fe.
Me:
AndAbebi
ismi
ne!
Hi
m:Whatdi
dyouj
ustsay
?
Me:
YouknowwhatImean?
Hi
m:NoIdon’
t,becauseIdon’
trememberr
ecei
vi
ng
adi
mefr
om you!
Me:
Idi
dn’
tmeani
tthatway
.
Him:Di
dyoumarrymydaught
erwi
thoutmy
permi
ssi
onorbl
essi
ng?
Hewasnol ongert heemot i
onal manIsawawhi le
ago, hewasnowangr yandhi sey eswer ered.That
waspr obablyf rom thecry i
ngandt heanger ,“No.
”I
swal l
owedhar d;Ili
edst r
aightt ohisf ace, “
nowcan
wedi scusst his?”Iwasner vousahel l,ifhef ound
outaboutt hishewoul dski nmeal i
ve, andnev er
all
owmet omar r
yhert hepr opertraditional way.
Whi chmeanthewoul ddi sownher ,andourchi l
dren
woul dneverbeaccept edi ntotheirfami ly.Hewas
breathingslowerandhi sf i
sthadnowl oosenedup,
“l
ater,Ineedt ocl earmyhead. ”Il
etoutasi ghof
rel
ief,“
alri
ght ,
call me.”
Hewal
kedawayfr
om meandmyphoner
ang,
itwas
mybi
gbrot
her,
“what
’sup?
”
Hi
m:Dudewhatt
hehel
li
swr
ongwi
thy
ou?
Me:
Me?Whathav
eIdone?
Hi
m:Youmademywi
fecr
y.
Me:Sheisj
ustbei
ngasissy
,Idi
dn’
tev
ensay
any
thi
ng.Whatshesai
d?
Hi
m:Don’
tknow,
shewascr
yingov
ert
hephone.
Me:
Wai
tsoshecal
l
edy
out
otel
lonme?HaHa…
Hi
m:whyar
eyoubei
ngapr
ick?Whatdi
dyoudo?
Me: Ij
usttol
dherwenotcomingbacktothehouse,
l
ikelit
eral
l
ythat
’swhatIsai
dandthenshestar
ted
cry
ing.
Hi
m:Dude,
youneedt
obeal
i
ttl
emor
esensi
ti
ve.
Me:
ButIt
oldherwear
emov
ingi
ntoourhouse.
Him:she’spr
egnantokay
…sopl
easecal
lherand
apol
ogize.
Me:
What
?
Hi
m:Yeahdude.
Me:
Shi
t,nowIf
eel
li
keanass.Sor
ry.
Him:Nobuddy
,I’
m nott
heoney
oushoul
dbe
apol
ogi
zi
ngto.
Me:Thi
sdayjustwentf
rom badt
owor
se,
I’
ma
f
ather
…Ishouldbehappy.
Hi
m:Ohy
eah,
howar
ethebabi
es?
Me:
What
ever
,I’
l
lseey
oul
ater
.
Hi
m:Ha,
kissAbebi
forme.
Iendedt hecallwit
hmybr otherandt henwal kedto
theroom andf oundAbebinowsl eeping.Iwastir
ed,
Ihadn’tgott
enanounceofsl eep,andnowIwas
star
tingtostress.AboutAdebay o,hiswife,peopl
e
abductingmychi l
dren,movi
nghousesandmywi fe.
Isatont hecoucht hi
nki
nghowmuchofamessI
hadcausedandhowIwasgoi ngt ocleanitup.
Imusthav
efall
enasl
eep,becauseIwokeupand
foundI
ceint
heroom,“heybuddy.
”Hesaidsmil
i
ng
atmewhil
sthol
dingmyson.“howdidyougeti
n
here?
”Hedi dn’
treply,andlookeddownatmybaby ,
“r
ealpreci
ousItellyou.”heplacedhim backdown,
“wannatalkout
side?”Ishrugged,“sur
e.”Wewal ked
outsi
deleavi
ngasl eepingAbebi.
Me;
Sup?
Him:Fi
rst
lyi
fyou’
resowor
ri
edaboutthechi
ldr
en
youneedtomakesuret
hedoor
sarelocked.
Me:
Iwasn’
tpl
anni
ngonf
all
i
ngasl
eep.
Hi
m:Buty
oudi
d.
Il
etoutasi
gh,
“I’
mti
red.
”
Him:Wellt
ell
somebody,youcan’tdoital
lyouknow.
Whydon’tyougetsomerestandI’l
lst
ayhere.I
’l
lget
ThandoorKhenantocomewat chthebabies.
Me:
Uhm,
Thando?
Hi
m:Hav
eabet
teri
dea?
Me:
Wel
l
…
Hi
m:Ok,
for
getIasked.I
’
m outofher
e.
Me:No,
Imean.Yeahpl
ease.Ij
usneed2hour
sand
t
henwil
lbeback.
Him:alr
ight
,Kimisworki
ngni
ghtshi
ftsobeher
eso
Icanint
roduceyoutoo.
Me:
Kim?
Hi
m:That
’swhatIsai
d.
Me:GoshIgiveuponyou.Takecar
eofmyfami
l
y…
i
fanyt
hinghappenst
othem I’
ll
murdery
ou.
Hi
m:Justgetsomer
est
,andI
’
m nev
erdoi
ngt
his
ev
eragai
n.
Iwentbacki ntother oom andkissedAbebi ’
s
foreheadandt henleftthem,Ifel
tabi tuneasy.I
neededt obath,tochangecl ot
hesandt osetupthe
house, pl
ustheywer ewi t
hIce.Itrusthi
m wi t
hmy
l
ife,hewouldnev erletanythi
nghappent othem.

*
***
***
***
***
***
***
**Abebi
***
***
***
***
***
**

Iwokeupwi t
haheadachef r
om thecry
ing,
Iopened
myey esandsmiledwhenIsawKeenanholdingthe
babi
es.Myey esadjust
edandreali
zedi
twasn’thi
m,
“whatareyoudoinghere?
”heturnedar
ound,“hey
,
y
ou’
reup.Damny
oucansl
eep.
”
Me:
Wher
eisKeenan?
Ice:Don’
tworr
yaboutyourhubby,hewentt
oget
somer est
.He’
stir
ed.Congrat
ulat
ionsbyt
heway,
theyarebeaut
if
ul.
Me:
Cany
oucal
lhi
mforme?
Ice:
Ithinkweshouldlethimrest
,hehasalotonhis
plat
e.Ifitmakesyoufeelanybet
terandput
sy ouat
ease,wecancal l
Thando.Theyweretoget
herearl
ier
on.

Inodded,andIf eltli
keachi l
d.Iwant edtocr y ,
why
washedepr i
vingmeoft al
kingtomyhusband?He
handedmet hephoneandThandowasont he
screen,“
heymummy .Youl ooksot hin.”Afai ntsmil
e
creptovermyf ace, “hey,hey,hey…what ’
swr ong? ”I
clearedmythroat, “
ar eyouwi thKeenan? ”She
l
aughed, “
Oh,Igeti t.Yeahheher eatt hehouse, hol
d
on.”Iwait
edforawhi l
eandwasl ookingatt he
ceil
ingasshewal kedt henherf aceappear edagai n,
“ssh…he’ssl
eepi ng.”Sheopenedt hedoort oour
bedroom andt henshef l
ippedt hecamer aandIsaw
him onthebedasl eep,hewassnor i
ng.Shewal ked
aroundthebedandshowedmehi sface.Ihada
hugegr i
nonmyf ace;shewal kedoutt hebedroom
andt ur
nedthecamer aback, “
feelbett
er?’Inodded,
“good,havey oueat en?”Ishookmyhead, “
alri
ght,I
’
ll
tell
Icetogety ousomet hingtoeat.I’
llcomebyand
seey oulat
erokay ?”Inodded, “
LetKeenanr est,he
hasn’tsl
eptawi nksi ncet hebabies.Iloveyou.”she
blewmeaki ss,“Lov eyout oo.
”
Ihandedt hephonet oIce,whot alkedt oThandoa
bitbeforeheendedt hecall
.Het ur nedt ome,“she
say sIhavetofeedyou…sowhatwi l
l i
tbe?”This
waswei rd,I
’v
enev erhadaconv ersat i
onwithIce
thatlast
edlongerthanami nute.Whywoul dKeenan
l
eav emewi thhim?Il ookedathi m, “becausehe
trustsme,”hesaidwal ki
ngt owardst hedoor .
Me:
Sor
rywhat
?
Him:Thequest
ionyoukeepaskingyoursel
f,t
he
answeri
sbecauseyourhusbandtrust
sme.now
hangti
ghtI
’l
lbeback.
Ididn’
tevensayanyt
hingandhedisappear
edout
theroom,Itr
iedtosi
tupbutthepainwas
unbearabl
esoIlaybackdownandwai tedf
orhi
mt o
comeback.
Thedooropenedabout15mi nuteslat
erandhe
camei nwi t
har ol
li
ngtraytabl
e,itsmell
edgr eat
.“So
myf r
iendwor ksinthekit
chenandIgotsomet hing
ni
cef oryou.”Ismil
edagenui nesmi l
ethisti
me.He
walkedov erandhelpedadjustthebed,Iwasi na
si
tt
ingposi t
ionandhepl acedthefoodinf r
ontofme.
i
twasbeefst r
oganoffwithpasta,sausagesand
mashandasl iceofchocolat
ecake.
Me;
Thi
slooksgr
eat
.
Hi
m:Tast
eit
,ev
enbet
ter
.
Idugi nandhemov edawayf rom mybedand
wal kedtowardswherethebabi eswer eandhe
pickedupt hechartandreadit.“Ididn’
twanttosay
any thi
ngtoKeenanbecausehewoul dfreakout
,butI
thinky oushoul
dtakehim offthemachi nery.
”I
l
ookedupathi m,“sorr
ywhat ?”Isaidwithmymout h
full
, hegavemeadi sgustedlook,“swall
owandt hen
speak.”Iswal l
owedandt henlookedathim agai
n,
“what?’het ookasteptowardsmybed, “you’rea
doctorright?”Inodded,“
andyouknowabout
bronchopulmonar ydyspl
asiaIassume.”Ifrozefora
second,“ f
uck,howcouldInott hi
nkofthat?I’
m such
abadmot her!”
Hi
m: Noy ou’
renot,
youwereinpai
nandy
ouwer
en’
t
t
hinki
ng.LuckyforyouIwas.
Me:
Uhm?
Him:Afr
iendofmineiscomingint
onight
,It
oldher
andshewill
takehi
m offandputhi
m onsomethi
ng
el
se.
Me:
Somet
hingl
i
ke?
Him:I’
dsuggestCPAP, butyou’rethedoct
orhere.
ButIalsoknowthatyouaren’tthinki
ngstr
aight
becausethesear
ey ourchil
drensot hebestthi
ngfor
youwouldbet ot
akeadv i
cef r
om me.
Me:
Buy
ouj
ustsai
dyou’
renotadoct
or.
Hi
m:Yourpoi
nt?
Me:
Fuck,
Ican’
tdeal
wit
hyou.
Hechuckledandmadehi swayt othecouchandsat
down, “
don’
tworryaboutthat
,you’
llgetusedt
oit.
Butont her
eal
,you’r
egoingtodogr eat.Ki
misreal
greatandshewil
ltakecareofyourbaby .
”
Me:
Kim?
Hi
m:Yeah,
myf
ri
endt
hatwi
l
lcomewat
chy
ouguy
s.
Me:
Wat
ch?
Hi
m:Yeah,
andmakesur
enobodyst
eal
sthebabi
es.
Me:
What
?
Him:Goshy
ou’
resl
ow…howar
eyoumar
ri
edt
o
Keenan?
Me:
Andhowdoy
ouknowaboutt
hat
?
Hi
m: Iknowev
eryt
hing…noweatup.Ihav
eacallt
o
make,wecanchataft
eryouf
ini
sh.Needany
thi
ng
el
se?

IshookmyheadandhewalkedoutandIwaslef
t
withsomanythought
sinmyhead,Keenani
sshi
t
scaredofI
cewhywouldhebehere?Whyishe
gettingsomebodyt owat chus?Whati fKeenani sin
troubleandI cei sbehindi t?Thandot oo?No….Abebi
youri magi nationisr unningawaywi t
hy ou.Calm
down, ohmyf uck!!Why ?“ Why ?”Ifoundmy sel
f
shout i
ngout ,andt hedooropenedi mmedi atel
yand
Icecamei nlookingwor ri
ed, “
ar eyoual r
ight?”Itook
adeepbr eatheandnoddi ng,“thenwhyar ey ou
cryingoutl oud? ”Ishookmyheadandputf oodin
mymout h.Hecl osedt hedoorandsatdown,
“What ’swr ongAbebi ?Doy ouneedmet oleave?”I
didn’trespond, helookedatmeandIdi dn’tgiv
ean
answer .Hel etoutasi gh, “al
rightIgeti t
,andI ’
ll
l
eav ey oual one.I ’
l
l callKeenant ocome. ”Hest ood
up, “No.”hel ookedatme, “
sorrywhat ?”
Me:
Don’
tleav
emeal
one.
Hi
m:ButIt
houghtt
hat
’swhaty
ouwant
ed?
Me:
Idon’
tunder
stand.
Hi
m: Whatdon’
tyouunderst
and?Thatyourhusband
i
sexhaust
edfrom runni
ngaroundandtr
yingto
makethi
spregnancyassmoot hsai
li
ngaspossible.
Oryouwanttoknowwhyhet rustsmetolookafter
hi
swi
feandki
ds?
Me:
Howdoy
ouknowal
loft
his?
Hi
m:BecauseI
’
m smar
tandIf
igur
eshi
tout
.
Me:
Bu-
Hi
m: Nobut,
KeenanandIar
ethesameandt
hat
whatmakesusgetal
ongsowell
.
Me:
Buthei
sscar
edofy
ou.
Hi
m: Haha…Idon’
thar
mf ami
ly
.I’
dnev
erdot
hat
.
Whatel
seyouwanttoknow?
Me:
Whyi
syourf
ri
endcomi
ngt
owat
chus?
Him:Becausey
ou’
rescar
edt
henur
seswi
l
lst
eal
yourbabi
es.
Me:shi
thetol
dyouAndactual
lytookmeser
ious?
Wow,fi
nal
lyget
ti
ngt
hroughtohim.
Hi
m:y
ip,
any
thi
ngel
se?
Me:
Andwhydi
dhet
ell
yout
hatwewer
emar
ri
ed?
Hi
m:Hedidn’
t,
li
keIsai
dIf i
gureshi
tout
.Ionl
y
f
oundoutt
henightwebroughtyoui
ntohospi
tal
.
Me:
Ohy
a,y
ouwer
eher
ethatni
ght
.
Hi
m:Yi
p,r
ightupt
il
ltheend.
Me:
ButKeenandoesn’
tkeepf
ri
ends.
Hi
m:Wear
en’
tfr
iends.
Iletoutasigh,“well
youguysar
et hesamer eal
ly!
!
So, i
sheexcitedaboutthi
s?’
helaughedoutloud,
“You’ret
ryi
ngt odigsomeinf
oabouty ourhusband?”
Inodded,“yi
p.”
Him:Tobehonest,exci
tedi
sanunder
stat
ementand
hewasjustovert
hemoon.Hehasbeingprepar
ing
fort
hissi
ncehefoundout.
Me:
Prepar
ingwhat
?
Hi
m: Ever
ything?Apartf
ortheabduct
ionsreal
l
y.
Ha…butwheny oushoutedhi
snamet hatni
ghthe
f
rozeandev eryt
hinghehadreadandleantwent
f
lyi
ngoutthewi ndow.
Me:
Hewasr
eadi
ng?
Hi
m:Yi
p,ev
ery
thi
ng…pr
epar
ingt
hehouseand
Me:
House?
Hi
m:Wel l
yeah,
youthi
nkyouwil
lgobackt
othe
smal
lroom i
nKhenan’
shouse?
Me:
Whathouse?
Hi
m: Thehouseinthebacky ar
d…y our
eall
yaresl
ow.
Well
hehasev er
ythi
ngsorted;al
lyouhavetodois
j
ustbeamot her
.

*
***
***
***
***
**Keenan*
***
***
***
***
***
*

Aweekl aterthefami l
ywasr eadyt obedischarged,I
walkedint heroom fol
lowedbyKhenanandI ce,
Thandowast hereearl
iertohelpwi tht
hepr epari
ng
them all
.Iwasexci t
edandscar edatt hesamet ime.
IneverknowhowAbebi will
reacttoany t
hing,so
normallyit
’sjustbestnottosurpriseher,“
there’
s
daddy’sprincess.
”Isaidtakingmydaught eroutof
herarms; shelookedupatme, “hell
o…”
Me:
Uhm?
Her:
I’
mi npainbecauseofy
ourpr
incessandy
ou
don’
tevenrecogni
ze?
Me:
whyar
eyousoj
ell
y!
!!
ShepoutedandIplantedakissonherl
i
ps,
“you
knowIloveyou.Ar
ey oureadytogohome?
”she
nodded,“
great
!”
Rightt
henKi
m wal
kedi
nwi
thahugesmi
l
eonher
face,“
soi
t’
sti
me?”
Abebi
:Yi
p,t
hanky
ousomuch.You’
vebeensucha
gr
eathel
p.
Ki
m:Any
thi
ngf
orSam.
Me:
Sam?
Shelookedov eratI
cewhogav eherthel
ook,“
reall
y
Kim?”ev er
yoneintheroom laughed,
“Beer
stonight
!”
Kim saidasshewal kedoutgivi
nghim apl
ayf
ul j
ab
andwi nkedathim,hesmi l
edbackather.
Me:
SoSa-
I
ce:
feel
i
nghot
?
Every
oneint
her oom laughedbutAbebi ,
“hot?
”she
askedshr
ugging.Istoodtherescrat
chingmyhead,
howdoIexplaintomywi f
ethatIcefr
eezespeople?
“Weshoul
dgetgoi ng.”Shedidn’
taskany t
hing
furt
her,shegotupandl ookedar ound,“Ihopeyou
didn’
tbringyouri8.”Iceclearedhisthroat,“
Itol
dhim
notto…hej ustwoul dn’
tli
sten.”Abebishotmet he
eye,“r
eallybaby,yougoingt obelievehim?Mxm. ”I
wheeledt hewheelchairtowar dsher,“
sit!
”Asmi l
e
creptoverherface, “
areyousul kingbaby?”Ipouted,
“Abebijustgetinthechair,Icepush…y ouguy scan
ri
deinthei 8together”
Ipickedupt hebags, allofthem andwal kedout ,
“Reall
ybabe? ”shecal l
edaf termeandIt otal
l
y
i
gnor edherandmademywayt owardsthecar .I
packedev erythi
ngint heboot ,Thandogott ome
fi
rstandIpl acedmydaught erinherpur pleseat.She
wassl eepingandhadacut elit
tlepoutonherf ace,I
kissedhercheekandwai tedtil
lAbebigott othecar,
“andwhati sthis?”Ir
ol l
edmyey esather,“gi
mme
myson. ”It ookhim gent leandputhi mi nhisseat
andwai tedf orKhenant obr ingnumber3.Whent he
babieswer esafelysecur edIlookedatAbebi ,“you’
re
ri
dingwi thus? ”
Thando:
Comeonnow,
you’
rebei
ngchi
l
dish.
I
ce:
Yeahy
ou’
rebei
ngchi
l
dish.
Thandorodewit
huswhileKhenanandIcefol
l
owed,
“putt
hison.
”IhandedAbebi
ablindfol
d,“
whatis
thi
sfor?”
Me:You’v
ebeenanassal
lmor
ning;
justdot
hisone
t
hingforme!
Shel etoutasighandIcontinuedtodri
ve,Ipul
ledup
atthegat eandopeneditanddr ov
eintothe
dri
vewayandpar kedcl
osetot hefr
ontdoor,“
this
betternotbeababyshower .”Thandoshoutedfrom
theback, “
Yout hi
nkwehav emoneyt obuyfor3
babies,thi
nkagain.”

Igotoutandwalkedaroundtohelpherout,Icoul
d
tel
lshewasnowanxi ousandIdidn’twanttodrag
thi
son.Istoodbehindherandtookoffthebli
ndfold,
“welcomehomebaby .”Shest
oodt hereanddidn’
t
sayanythi
ng,Iki
ssedherhead,“Keenanwhatis
thi
s?”
*
***
***
***
***
**Abebi
***
***
***
***
***
***
***
**

Itur
nedaroundandl ookedupathi m, “
KeenanI
askedyouaquest i
on.”Tear sfi
ll
edmyey esandI
tr
iedtowipethem awayandt heykeptcomi ng,“
hey,
Ihopethosearetearsofjoy .
”Ipunchedhi mi nt
he
chestandputmyheadoni twhil
ehewr appedhi s
armsaroundmeandki ssedmyhead, “youlikei
t?”I
shookmyheadandl ookedupathi m, “I
t’
st oobi
g.”I
buri
edmyheadi nhischestagai n,helaughedatme.
Letsgocheckitout,Itur
nedar oundtot akeanother
l
ookatt heTuscanmansi on.Hehel dontomyhand
andtookmei nsi
de,“thekids?”
Him:Don’
twor
ry,
Thandoi
sther
eandsoi
sthe
nanny
Me:
Nanny
?
Him:Yeah,
you’
regoi
ngt
oneedhel
p,pl
usy
ou’
rest
il
l
heal
i
ng.
Me:
You’
reher
e.
Hi
m:Lookatt
hishouse;
someonehast
opayt
he
bi
l
ls.
Ouch, thathithard,butIkeptqui etandwewal ked
throughoutt hehouse.Themast erbedr oom wast o
dief or, i
nmyf avor
itecolorsandahi ntofgoldand
blackf orthehubby .Hest oppedi nfrontofadoor ,
“andwe’ r
eatt heendoft hetour .”Heopenedt he
doorandi tl
edt othenur sery
, myhear timmedi ately
mel ted.Myf acegothotasIwal kedar oundt her oom,
3cot s,andt hreechangingst ati
ons…t hreeof
ever ything.Thebaby ’snameswer epaintedont he
wal l
sandi twascol orcoor di
nat edaccor dingtot he
sexoft hebabies.Iturnedtol ookathi m ashe
wat chedmewal kacrossther oom, “howdi dyoudo
alloft his?”Hej ustsmi l
edandwal kedtowar dsme,
“youl ike?”
Me:
It’
sper
fect
.
Hi
m:any
thi
ngf
ormywi
fe.
Me:
You’
ret
hebest
.
Him:Noyouare.Butt
ouri
sover,
let
’sgomeetthe
nannyandauntCebi
sawil
lbeher
eanyminute.
Me:
Aunt
?Idon’
trememberusdi
scussi
ngt
hat
.
Him:Idon’
trememberusdi
scussi
nghav
ingt
ri
plet
s,
butl
ooknow.
Me:
Butwesai
dnof
ami
l
yunt
ilweddi
ng.
Her aisedhiseyebr
ows, “you’
rejustmakingmycase
stronger.AndImety ourfatheralr
eady,
nowwe’ r
e
even.”Hewasr ightbutitdoesn’tmeanthatIwas
ready, “
Ithi
nkI’
m goingtobesi ck.”
Hi
m;Noyouwon’
t….ComenowI
’
m sur
emybabi
es
ar
ehungr
y.
Ifol
l
owedhi m downstai
rstothefamil
yroom,
Thandohadsett hebabi
esupandputont heheat
andmyf at
herwasintheroom.Ididn’
tsayanythi
ng
butIjustknel
tdownandcheckedonmybabi es.
Iceleftwit
hKhenan, andt henNadi ahelpedmeclean
thebabiesandt henf eedt hem.Iwasont herocki
ng
chairinthenursery;Iwashol di
ngChukui nmyarms
andsmi ledatthemeani ngt omy self
.Keenanwas
verythoughtf
ul aboutt hesenamesandhi sname
fit
tedquietwell(Chuku–Godi sgr eat
erthanall
doctor/physi
cian)
Iwasdeepi nthoughtwhenIheardshouti
nginthe
hall
way ,“
Woahsana, thi
shouseistodi
efor.
”I
placedmybabyi nhiscotandwalkedoutofthe
room, gentl
ycl
osingthedoorbehindme.
Iclear
edmyt hroat,“uhm, h-”Iwascutof fbyt he
woman, “
Keenani ntonilena?Hay i
manno! !
”She
stoodwi t
hherhandsonherheadandt earsr unni
ng
downherf ace.“ Keenanuy enzelanilent
o?? ”she
wailedlouder,andIst oodt herenotknowi ngwhatt o
do.Shechar gedathi m andst artedhitt
inghischest
whilehet r
iedtocal m herdown.
[
11/
23,
18:
10]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode121

Iwascutof fbyt hewoman, “YohKeenan, i

ntonile?
Hay i
maanno! !’Shest oodwithherhandsonher
headandt earsrunni ngdownherf ace.“Keenan
uyenzelanil
ento? ”shewaswai l
inglouder,andI
stoodtherenotknowi ngwhatt odo.Shechar gedat
hi
m andst art
edhi t
ti
nghi schestwhi l
ehet ri
edt o
calm herdown.shef inall
yescapedf rom hi
m and
madeherwaydownt hehall
way, Keenanlookedat
meandIshrugged,
“I’
l
lbeback.
”AndInoddedat
hi
m,“
Cece!!
!”Heshoutedaf
terher
.

Thehousewasqui etandIkeptchecki ngthebaby

monitorbutmybabi eswer esl
eeping,Iwasbor ed.
Nadiawalkedintotheki tchen,“
youneedany t
hing
ma’am beforeIgot omyr oom?”Iletoutasigh, “
I’
m
notma’am pleasedon’ tcallmethat.I
t’sAbebi.”She
noddedandst oodt here,“noyoucansl eepthank
you.
”shet ur
nedt owal kawayandIst oppedher ,
“Nadi
aonel astthi
ng. ”
Her
:Yesma’
am,
uhm Abebi
.
Me:
Whatdi
dKeenanhi
rey
out
odo?
Her
:Tohel
pyou.
Me:
Wit
hwhat
?
Her
:Any
thi
ngy
ouneed.
Me:
Wer
ethosehi
swor
ds?
Shecl
ear
edherthroat,“
well
? ”shel
ookeddown,“he
sai
dever
ythi
ngyouneed, evenwipeyourassi
fyou
askmeto.
”Ialmostlaughed,thati
ssoli
keKeenan,
“andy ouagr eed?Towi pemyass? ”shel ookedat
me, hewaspl ayingwi thherf ingers, “
y esma’ am. ”I
l
ookedathershocked, “what?”Ipaused, “act uall
yno
don’trepeatt hat,yournott ouchi ngmyass! !”She
nodded, “youdr inkcof f
ee? ”Shenoddedshy ly ,
“well
sit
,let'
shav eacup. ”shehesi tated, “y
ou’ dwi pemy
assbuty oucan’ thaveacupofcof feewi thme?
damngi r
l y
ouneedt ogety ourpr iori
tiesst r
ai ght.
”I
pointedatt hechai randshesat ,Iletoutasi ghand
openedt hecabi netsi nt hekitchenIcoul dn’tfind
anything.Iturnedt of aceher e,“cups? ”shepoi nted
atthedr awer ,andIopenedi tandf oundev ery t
hingI
needed.

Iplacedthetrayontheki t
chent ableandsatdown
acrossfrom her,
Itookabi teofmybi scui
t.Then
tookasi pofthecoffee,shelookedatme, “your
coffeeisgett
ingcold.”Shepulledthecupcl oserand
tookasi p,
“andyouhav et otr
yt hese,mygr anny
makest hem.Mydadboughtt hem allthewayf rom
Nigeri
a.”Shesmi l
edandt ookabi scuit,“
wher eare
youf r
om? ”
Her
:Mor
occo.
Me:
You’
real
ongwayf
rom home.
Shetookasipofhercoffeewit
houtanswer
ingme,
whichthengotmethi
nking,“
Howdi dyougethere?”
shelookedupatme,“onaship.”Iwassoconfused,
“Onashipfrom Mor
occot oher
e?”sheshookher
head.
Her
:Fr
om Li
bya
Me:andwher
edi
dyouf
indKeenan?Orhowdi
d
Keenanf
indy
ou?
Her
:Heboughtme.
Me:
Youmebr
ought
,hebr
oughty
ouher
e?
Sheshookherhead, “hepaidforme. ”Iswall
owed
hardandIscr at
chedt hetopofmyhead, “sohe
boughty ouinLiby
a? ”shenodded, “y
ouwer efor
sale?”shenoddedagai n.Iputmymugdownand
stoodup, “
youcansl eepnow. ”Shenowl ookedat
mescar ed,“di
dIdosomet hi
ngwr ong?Pl easedon’t
takemeback. ”Ibrushedherhai r
,“gotobedand
we’ll
fini
shtalki
ngtomor row.”Shegotupandwal ked
away,“
goodnight
,”shesaidinasof
tvoi
ce,she
seemedtoalmostbeintears.“
goodni
ghthun,
”I
cal
ledaft
erher
.
Isatdownandmyt hought swer eracing, whatt he
fuck!Isshet ellingmet hatmyhusbandi si ntosl ave
trading?Igat her edmy selfandt ri
edt oremember
wher ethest udywasi nthishugehouse, Iwal ked
openi ngonedooratat i
meunt i
lIfinall
yf oundi tand
Isatdownonhi schai r
.Ther ewasl ocomput er
nothing, Iopenedt hedr aweranddi dn’tfindany thi
ng
allthecabi net swer eempt y.Ist oodint hemi ddl eof
ther oom t r
y i
ngt ot hing,“thinkAbebi ,think!!”I
l
ookedar oundandmyey esl andedont heAr i
st otl
e
painting, “
no, Keenany ouar en’ tthi
sst upid.”Isai dto
my selfasIwal kedt owar dst hepai nting, Il
iftedi toff
thewal l andpl acedi tont hef loor.Thist hingi s
heav y,shit;Idust edmyhandsandl ookedatt hesaf e.
WasIr eallythatshor t?Idr aggedachai randgoton
i
tandt henl ookedati t.retinal recogni t
ion,
fi
nger printrecogni ti
onandpi n…what everhei s
hidingmustbesoi mpor tant .Ipunchedi nhi s
comput erpasswor d, wrong!Ipunchedi nmy
bir
thday ,
wr ong!Hisbir
thday
,andthebabies’
bir
thdayandt heywereallwr
ong.Iposit
ionedmyeye
i
nf rontofthescanned, j
usttr
yingmyluckandIwas
shitoutofluck.Itookadeepbr eat
handpl acedmy
handont hepad, i
tscanneddownandupagai n…
greenlight!
“Howthefuckdi
dhe? ”Iletitgoandopenedt hesafe
andpull
edoutanenv el
opeandashoppi ngbag.Igot
downandopenedt heenv elope,anditwasjustthe
ti
tl
edeedtothepropert
y, Iopenedt heshoppi
ngbag
anditwasful
lofpapers, oldpapersandIopened
oneup:Aminah,
DOB01/ 08/ 1989,COBMor occo,
$550.
Icheckedanot herone, andanotherone.It ookt wo
stepsbackawayf r
om t hetable.Myhandswer e
shakingandt het earsfill
edmyey esandmyf acegot
hot.Howcoul dhe, whatt hefuck!!Ineededadr i
nk,I
forgotaboutt hebabi esandIl ookedint hest udyand
didn’tf
indany thing, Iwenttot hebarandl ookedf or
whiskeyandopenedi t,“whatarey oudoi ng? ”Igot
suchaf rightanddr oppedt hebot tl
eandi tshat t
ered
ont hefloor.“
Baby ,don’tmov e.You’llhurty ourself.
”
Istoodint
hesameposi ti
onwi tht
earsr ol
li
ngdown
mycheeks,Keenangott omeandswoopedmei nto
hisarmsandwal kedawayf r
om thebr okenglass.
Heputmedownont hecouchandcr ouchedi nfr
ont
ofme, “
whatthehelldoyouthinkyou’r
edoi ng?”
Me:
Me?y ougoi
ngtobeaski
ngwhatI
’
m doi
ngwhat
t
hefuckhav
eyoubeendoi
ng?
Hi
m:Abebi
whatar
eyouonabout
?
Me:
Wher
edi
dyouf
indNadi
a?
Helookedatmeconfused,“
what
?”washely
ingto
me?“IknowKeenan,you’
rei
nvol
vedi
nsl
avery!
!
You’
redisgust
ing.
”
Heputhisheadinhishands,
“Abebi
,pl
ease.Noi
t’
s
notwhatitl
ooksli
ke.
”
Me:Itl
ooksli
keyouboughtat
onofsl
aves.I
sthat
notwhatyoudid.
Hi
m:I
tisbu-
Me:
Ther
eisnobut
…you’
reasl
aveowner
.
Hi
m:Abebi
,l
ookatme…l
i
stent
ome.
Me:
Leav
emeal
one.
Hegr abbedmet ightl
ybymyupperar m, t
ight
enought ogetmyat tent i
onbutgent leenoughnott o
hurtme.“ Getup, ”hesai dinast ernv oice,andIgot
up.Hepul l
edmet othest udy , “
sit.”Ishookmyhead
andcr ossedmyar ms, “suity oursel f
.”Hewal ked
overtot hedeskandpr essedabut tonandav ir
t ual
comput erappear ed,thiswasn’ thappeni ng.Li keI
onlyseet hisshi tinthemov i
es, “now, beforey ou
makeaccusat i
onsy ouneedt ohav eal l t
hef act s.
Andwheny ousnoop, makesur ey oul ook
everywher e.
”Hemov edhi shandsar oundt hescr een
andendedupont heemai l
s, “
takeal ook. ”Ir eadt he
emai l
s,“there’smor e.’Hef l
ippedar oundagai n
shift
ingthingsandi tendedonar ecor ding,he
forwardedt ot hepar thewant edmet ohear .Thenhe
stoppedt her ecording, “i
st hereany thingel set hatI
candot oconv incey ou? ”Ijustst oodt here, “I
t’sst i
ll
wrong.”
Hi
m:Iknow,
buti
tisf
ort
hegr
eat
ergood.
Me:
wher
ear
ethey
?
Hi
m:Atmyot
herhouse.
Me:
Otherwhat
?
Hi
m:Don’
tst
art
.
Me:
Howmany
?
Hi
m:135,
wel
l136wi
thNadi
a.
Me:
Whatwi
l
lhappent
othem?
Hi
m:Idon’
tknowy
et,
wear
ewor
kingoni
t.
Me:
Whydi
dn’
tyout
ell
me?
Hi
m:Youwer
epr
egnant
,wi
tht
ri
plet
s.
Me:Soy ouranar
oundbehindmyback,andspenta
mil
li
onRandsbuyingsl
aves?AndyouthoughtI
wouldn’
tfi
ndout?
Him:Yes,It
houghtyouwouldn’
t.ButIwasn’
t
worri
edaboutyoufi
ndingoutbecauseIknewyou’
d
underst
andandsupportme.
Me:
Idi
dn’
tsayIsuppor
tthi
s.
Hi
m: Butyou’
renotsayi
ngyoudon’
tei
ther
.Don’
tyou
wanttoseethesegi
rlshomewit
hthei
rfamil
i
es?
Baby
,lookatt
hebi
ggerpi
ctur
eher
e.

Iletoutasi gh,hewasr i
ghtbutIcouldn’
tshakethe
feeli
ngthatt herewassomet hi
nghewasn’ ttel
li
ng
me.Ibr ushedi toff
,“t
rustme,wil
lyou?”Ishrugged
andhewal kedov ertome,“nowweneedt ogetyour
rested,
thebabi eswi l
lbeupatallhoursofthenight
andy ouneedt obewel l
rest
ed.”
Me:
WEneedt
obewel
lrest
ed.
Hi
m:That
’swhatImeantbabe.Come.

Heputouthishandtoholdmi neandIjustl
ookedat
i
tandputmyar msout.hesmi ledatmeandwal ked
overandpi
ckedmeup, Ihadmyl egsar
oundhis
waistandmyheadonhi sshoulder,“
youtol
dherto
wi
pemyass. ”Hestopped,“what?”
Me:
Yout
oldNadi
atowi
pemyass.
Hi
m:Thatwasaj
oke,
didshet
akei
tser
iousl
y?
Me:
Yip!
Hi
m:Yout
hinkshe’
dwi
pemyass?
Islappedhi
shead,
“justcur
ious.”Hecar
ri
edmeal l
thewayt ot
hebedr
oom andpl acedmeont hebed.
Hi
m:Ar
ewegood?
Me:
Idon’
tknow,
wher
eisy
ouraunt
?
Hi
m:Ibookedheri
ntoahot
el.
Me:
Whatwaswr
ong?Di
dId-
Hi
m:No…y
oudi
dn’
tdoany
thi
ngwr
ong.
Me:
Thenwhatwaswr
ong?
Hi
m:Shei
sjustemot
ional
l
yunst
abl
e…
Me:Andyouchosehert
ocomestaywit
hme,li
kea
weekaf
tergi
vi
ngbir
th?Youcandobet
tert
hanthat
.
Hegotof fthebedandmumbl edsomet hingashe
walkedintothecloset,
“What ?
?”hekeptqui et,Igot
offthebedandf oll
owedhi m,“Keenan,whatdi dy ou
say?”Hepr et
endedt olookforsomethingint he
cl
oset,“Keenanwhat ’
swr ongwithyou?”het urned
around,“Shethi
nksy oulookli
kehersister.
”Andhe
walkedbackoutagai n,andIwalkedafterhim, “her
si
sterasi
nyourmot
her
?”
Henodded,
“wantsomet
hingt
odr
ink?I
’
m goi
ngt
o
gett
ea.
”
Me:
wel
ldoI
?
Hi
m:Idunno…

Hewalkedouttheroom,Idi
dn’
tfol
l
owhi
m.IgotIt
o
bedandtri
edtosleep.
[
11/
23,
18:
11]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode122

*
***
***
***
**Keenan*
***
***
***
***

IleftAbebi i
nt hebedroom andwenttomystudy ,I
packedev ery
thingbackintothesaf
eandIwentt o
thebarandcl eanedupt hemessshehadmade.I
grabbedabot tleofwhiskeyandwentbackt
ot he
study ;Iopenedmyl aptopandcli
ckedonthefolder
wr i
tten:Standiwe.
It
ookasi
pfr
om t
hebot
tl
eandl
ookedt
hrought
he
pict
ures;Abebi wasaspi tt
ingimageofher .That
waswhatat t
ractedmet oherinthefir
stplace,and
thenherkindhear tandt hewayshei ssosel f
less.A
tearescapedmyey es;Ilookedthroughthepictures
andsawapi ctureofMr .DeCosta.Ididn’
tgett o
knowhi mt hatwell,
Iwasy oungandhewasnev er
aroundal ot.
Ilookedatallt
hevideoswet ooktogether,shewas
fun.Iwastheonlychild,
justmeandmymama.I
wishedshewasher etoseehowf arI
’dcomei nli
fe,
toseemywi f
eandt oholdhergrandchil
dren.I
wat chedt
hroughthephot os,
becauseIdon’ teven
rememberget ti
ngintobed.

*
***
***
**Abebi
***
***
***
***
*

Keenanstillhadn’
tcomet obed,andIhadn’tgott
en
awi nkofsleep.Igotoutofbedandlookedf orhi
m
everywhere.Thebabieswerequietandslept
thr
oughoutt henight
.Ifoundhim asl
eepinhisstudy
,
Istoodatthedoorandshookmyhead, “baby ,
”I
wal
kedov
ert
ohi
m.
Ther ewasav i
deopl ayingbutitwasonmut e,I
i
ncreasedt hev olumeandsaway oungKeenanwi th
hismom att hebeach, “Mom y ouneedt orunfast er
orelseitwon’ tfl
y.”Igiggledtomy selfassheran
fasterandt hekitelif
tedabi t
,“Yay!!Gomommy !”he
wasl aughingandj umpi ngaround.Shest oppedand
waspant ing,“Diditwor k?”amal ev oi
ceanswer ed,
“Ofcoursei twork, he’
st oosmar ttomakeany thing
thatfail
s.”
ItseemedasthoughtKeenanwasnowholdingthe
camer a,
Mr.DeCost
aSeniorrantohismotherand
pickedherupbri
dalst
ylet
henkissedherl
i
ps.“Our
soni sageni
us!
!”

Keenanmov edi nhisseatandIgotaf ri

ght,Icl
osed
thelaptop,“Keenan, l
et sgettobed.”Myv oi
cewas
breakingthet earsfil
ledmyey es,“Igavehim aslap,
nottoohar d,“Uhm, ar ethebabi
esok? ”Il
aughed,
“Gettobedy oudr unk!”Ihel
pedhim upstair
sand
i
ntobed.Iev entuall
yf el
lasl
eep,butthebaby
moni t
orwentof fintwoandahal fhour st
ime.
Keenandi dn’thearathing,
Igotoutofbedandput
onmyr obeandwal kedt ot
hebabi es’ r
oom.They
wereall up,butther
ewasnocr yi
ng, Iwentuptothe
fi
rstcot,“heybaby .
”Igreet
edthem al landstar
ted
withChuku; Isatdowni nmyfeedingchai rand
start
edt ofeedhi m.Nadiawalkedint otheroom,
“heyIhear dasound, needsomehel p? ”
West ay edint her efeedingandcl eaningthem up.
Wewer edoneaf teranhourorso, Imustadmi tI
wouldnotbeabl et odot hisonmyownandhav i
ng
thehel pwasgr eat .Wet ookt hebabi esdownstairs
andIwenti ntot heki tchenl eavingNadi awit
hthe
babies.Igott hebi ggestf r
ight,“Uhm AuntCebi sa?”
shet urnedar oundandt ookadeepbr eath,
“Oh
honey ,”shest artedt earingup, “comeher e.
”She
openedupherar msandIwal kedov erandhugged
her,shegav emeawar mt ighthug.Icoul dhearher
snif
fing, shepul l
edmeawayandl ookedatme.She
wipedt het earsawayf r
om herf ace,“okI’
m done
now. ”Ismi l
edatherf aintl
y, “
youwantt osi
tdown?
I’
ll
makecof fee.”
Her
:Youcan’
thav
ecof
feewhi
l
ebr
eastf
eedi
ng.
Me:
Ohi
t’
sal
l
oweddon’
twor
ryaboutt
hat
.
Her
:Di
dthedoct
ort
ell
yout
hat
?
Me:
Iam adoct
or.
Her
:Smar
tli
key
ouhusbandheh?
Me:
Fiancé.
Her
:Samedi
ff
erence.
Me:
Wel
lyeah,
smar
tli
kehi
m Iguess.
Her
:Sowheni
stheweddi
ng?
Me:I
t’
ssti
ll
toosoon,
wit
hthebabi
es,t
hemov
ingi
n,
newhouseIneedt
ogobacktowork.
Keenan:
Wor
k?
Me:
That
’swhatIsai
d.
It
urnedaroundtofi
ndhim standinginthedoorway
i
njustboxersandsl
ipper
s,“r
eallyKeenan,myf at
her
i
sinthehouseandsoi syouraunt !Getdr
essed.”
Hi
m:Myheadi
ssor
e.
Me:
That
’swhaty
ougetf
ordr
inki
ngawhol
ebot
tl
e
ony
ourown.
Hi
m:Idi
dn’
tdosuch.
Igavehimt helook,
“breakfastwillbereadyin30,go
putsomethingon.”hekissedhi saunt’
scheekand
draggedhimselfaway.“Mxm, ”IturnedtoCebisa
whowassmi li
ngandlookedl i
keshewasgoi ngto
cryagai
n,“Pleasedon’tcry
.”Iwar nedher,she
noddedandsni ff
ed,“y
ou’rejustli
keher .
”Inodded,“
I
sawapi ct
urelastni
ght .
”
Her:
Thepi ct
uresdon’
tdoherj
usti
ce,shewasdar
k
l
ikeyou.Themostbeauti
ful
heartever
.
Me:
Keenandoesn’
ttal
kabouther
.
Her:Keenandoesn’ttalkaboutany
thing,
butaft
er
thedeathofhi
smot herhewaswor se.Sodi
stant,
he
didn’
tevencomet ot hefuner
al.
Me:
What
?Why
?
Her:
Hewasangr y
,hewant
edtokil
lsomeone.He
hasneverbeenthesamesi
nce.Andthef
actthathe
i
sactuall
ydati
ngmakesmewonder .
Me:
Andhi
sfat
her
?
Her:
Theyweren’tt
hatclose,
hisf
atherdi
edbefor
e
hi
smot her
.Andifhewer est
il
lal
i
venoneofthat
wouldhavehappened!
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
Her:
Ev er
ythi
ngstar
tedwhenSt
andi
wewentt
o
Jamaicaforthef
uneral
.
Me:
Didsheknowhewasmar
ri
ed?
Her:Honestl
y,Idon’
tknow.Standi
wecoul dhave
knownandIwoul dn’
tbesurpri
sed.Thatmanl oved
her,
hegav eherevery
thi
ng.Evenhisheartbel
onged
tohereandeveryoneknewit.Andthenthatwitch!
Keenanwalkedinbeforeshecouldevenfini
shher
stor
y,“
that’
senough,canwel ett
hedeadbe? ”she
gavehimthelookandr ol
ledhereyes,
“I’
m dressed
andtheresti
l
lisn’
tanyfood.”
Me: Ohshutup,
havecoff
ee.Themuf
fi
nsareint
he
oven.I
’m goi
ngtof
ryever
ythi
ngandI
’l
lbedonei
na
j
if
fy.
Hi
m:Wher
ear
emybabi
es?
Me:
Don’
tki
ssmyki
dswi
tht
hatwhi
skeybr
eat
he!
Cebisalaughed, “
Ohy outooarejusttoocute…I
knowt hi
smar riageisgoingt
ol astf
or ev
er.
”Ididn’
t
sayany t
hing,butshewast al
kingast houghshe
knewaboutus.Whenwoul dKeenanhav et
oldher
though,hedoesn’ tt
alktoanybodyletaloneevengo
home.
Imadebreakfastandwesetupi nthediningroom
wherewewoul dbeabl et owatcht hebabies,
Adebayowalkedinandt ookaseat ,“
Goodmor ni
ng.”
Ever
yonegreetedhi m back,andweat ewhi l
etalking
aboutst
upidthings.Keenangotupf ir
st,“
Adebay o,
we’r
esti
llonforlater?
”mydadnoddedandKeenan
di
sappearedwithhisdi shedint
ot hekit
chen.
Istoodupandf ollowedhi m, hewasal readygoneI
wentupt oourbedr oom andhear dtheshower
runningsoIassumedhewasheadi ngout .Il
aidout
blackj eansandabl ackt ur
t l
eneckwi t
hal ongbl ack
coat,Ipai r
edi tupwi t
habl ackhight opsneaker .I
checkedout sideandi twasal i
tt
lechi l
ly,sohe
wasn’ tgoingt ocompl ain,Isetoutt heBl ancpainLe
Brassuswat cht hatIbroughtf orhisbirthday,I
smi l
edt omy sel
fandwal kedbackdown.Adebay o
wasnowher
etobeseenandNadiawascleani
ngup.
Il
eftt
osi
twi
thCebi
sa,whoi
nsi
stedIcal
lherCece.
Itwasintheaf t
ernoon,andt hesunwasaboutt oset ,
Cecewast aki
nganap; theguy swer est i
ll
notback.I
waswat chingTVandNadi awasi nthekitchen
choppingupv egetablessoIcanmakesupper .The
doorbell
rang, andIsatupconf used, “
reall
yKeenan. ”
Isaidtomy selfandwal kedt othedoor ,
wast oo
shorttopeepsoIj ustopenedup.Anol dmanst ood
wherewi t
hawal kingstick,“Hi .
”Hesmi l
edatme,
“hell
oma’ am, Iwaswonder ingi fKeenani shome? ”
heseemedsweet ,hewasal it
tl
ebi tgrey,“nohei sn’
t,
butIcant ell
himy oustoppedby .
”Hel ookedatme,
“I’
l
lwaitinthecar .”Ifel
tbadbecauseIdi dn’tknow
whenKeenanwoul dbebackf rom lordknowswher e
heis.“Nonsense, it’
scol dout si
de.Comei nandwe
cancallhim.
Hi
m:NoIdon-
Me:
Iwon’
thav
eit
,comei
n.

Iopenedt
hedoorandcl
osedi
twhenhewasi
nsi
de,
“see,it
’swar minhere.Comet hisway.”Hefoll
owed
mei ntotheloungewher eIhadbeenwat chingTV,
“pleasesit
.”Hetookof fhiscoatandsatdown, “l
et
met r
ycallhim,
”Ilef
tther oom andgotmycel li
nthe
kit
chenandIaskedNadi at omakeussomet ea,
“yeahbaby ,Il
ethi
mi n….Icouldn’tl
ethim st
ayinthe
cold….Idon’tknowy ou’r
escaringme….t hey’
rei
nt he
l
ounge….St opshoutingatme, ok.”
Hi
m: I
’
m sor
rybaby
;I’
l
lbet her
ejustnow.Don’
tleav
e
hi
m al
onewit
hthebabies.

Hecutt hecallandIwal kedint

other oom andhe
wasont hecouchholdingmybaby ,myheart
stoppedf orabit
.ThinkAbi…Iwal kedov ert
ohim,
“Keenanwi ll
behereinabout30mi ns,letmetake
her…y ourteaisontheway .”Hesmi ledagainand
handedmemybaby ,Iplacedhim backdownandsat
down, “sohowdoy ouknowKeenan? ”
Hi
m:Wedobusi
nessest
oget
her
.
Me:
Whi
chone?
Hi
m:Idon’
twantt
obor
eyouwi
thal
lthatr
ubbi
sh.
RightthenNadiawal kedinwi ththetrayoft eaand
muf f
insandshef roze.Shel ookedatt hemanand
sheletoutascr eam anddr oppedt hetraybr eaking
theteapotandcups…Igotupi mmedi ately,the
babiesstart
edcr yi
ngandi twaschaosandt henmy
dadwal kedin,
“Whati sgoingonher e,whati sthis
ruckus?”hi
sey eslandedont heoldmanandhi s
facechanged,“Ramzi whatt hefuckar ey oudoi ng
here?”hesaidwal ki
ngtowar dshim, t
heol dman
stoodupandputhi shandsup, “
I’
m wai t
ingf or
Keenan.”
Adebay
o:Keenan,
whatbusi
nessdoy
ouhav
ewi
th
hi
m?
Ramz
i:Hehassomet
hingt
hatbel
ongst
ome.

Adebay ograbbedhi m bythecol

lar,
“youstaythe
fuckawayf rom myf amily…getthefuckoutofhere.
”
Ramz i
smirked,“butshesaidIcancomei n.”he
pointedatme, andI’m si
tti
ngtry
ingtocalmt he
babiesdown, “di
dIasky ou,getout.
”hedr agged
him outthedoorandbyt heti
meher etur
nedCece
washel
pingmecalmt hebabies,
helookedar
ound,
“
wherei
sshe? ”Iwassoconfused,“
whereisyour
mai
d?”Ipoint
edtothekit
chen.

Aft
erawhi l
eKeenanwal kedt hrought hedoor s,
mor eli
ker ani n.hefoundmeont hefl
oorcl eaning
upt hebr okent eacups.Hel ookedaround, “
Hey…”
Heknel tdownt ohel pme, “areyouok? ”Ididn’
t
answerhi m.Itookt hepacketandputi ti
nt hebin
andgotpapert owelsandwi pedthefloor s.Andt hen
fi
nishedof fwi thamop, “Abebi I
’mtalkingt oyou.”I
l
ookedathi m,“Youdoneshout i
ng?”Isai dasI
walkedi ntot hekit
chen,Irinsedmyhandsandt ook
outapot ,“Abebi,I
’
m sorryIpani cked? ”
Me:Andyout
houghty
oushoul
dtakei
toutonme?
whoishe?
Hi
m:Notsur
e,Ineedt
orunt
hecamer
as.
Me:You’r
elyi
ngtomeagain,i
t’
sRamzi
!!Adebay
o
knowshim,doesthi
shavetodowit
hyourhuman
tr
aff
icki
ngandslavet
radi
ng?
Keenanwassoangr y,hecl
enchedhisfi
st,
“Abebi
,
I’
mt r
y i
ngt of
indoutwhathappenedhere.Your
accusationsarenotgoingt
oprotectyouandour
chil
dren.”
Me:Ifmyaccusat
ionsweren’tt
ruet
henhewoul
dn’
t
hav
ebeenhereinthefi
rstplace.

Itookadeepbr eat
he,“
What ’
sgoi ngonKeenan?
Nadiascr eamedwhenshesawt hisman,whoishe?
Whydi dAdebayokickhim outandwhydi dyoufreak
outsomuch?Keenani fany t
hinghappenstomy
babies, i
ftheyl
oseonesinglehairbecauseofthis
rubbishy ouwil
lbesorryyouhearme? ”Hedidn’tsay
anything,“Doyouhearme? ”
Hi
m:FuckAbebi
Iheary
ou!
Me:Good,nowgett
hef
uckoutoft
hiski
tchen
bef
oreIcutyou.
Hi
m:Babypl
easedon’
tbel
i
ket
hat
.
Me:
Don’
tbabyme,
go!
!
Het ur
nedaroundandl ef
tmei ntheki
tchen,Icr
ied
tomy sel
fbecauseIdidn’
tknowwhatwasgoi ngon.I
pickedupthephoneanddi al
edThando; t
hephone
rangonandont il
lKhenanpickedup,“
Hel l
o.”
Me:
Hey
,isThandoar
ound?
Hi
m:Abebi
,howar
eyou?
?

Me:
I’
m goodIj
ustr
eal
l
yneedt
otal
ktoThando.

Hi
m:shel
eftherphoneher
e,what
’swr
ong?

Me:
Not
hing,
askhert
ocal
lmeback.

Hi
m:Ok.

Icutt
hecal
lonhi
m andstart
edwithsupper
,and
Keenanwal
kedi
ntotheki
tchen,
“soyoucall
ed
Thando?
”
Me:
Idi
dn’
tknowIwasn’
tal
l
owedt
otal
ktoher
.
Hi
m:andwhatdi
dyouwantt
otel
lher
?

Het
ookagl
assandpour
edj
uicef
rom t
hef
ri
dge,
“
wel
l?”
Me:
Not
hing.
Hi
m: AbebiI
’
mt r
yingt
otal
ktoyousowecansor
t
t
hisoutandyou’
rebei
ngdi
ffi
cul
t.
Me:Ihavenot
hingt
osay
,youwon’
tanswermy
quest
ions.

Heletoutasi
gh,
“wehav
evi
si
tor
scomi
ngf
or
supper
.”
Me:
you’
rej
oki
ngr
ight
?
Him:Theyl
andedi
nthemor
ning,
whatwasI
supposedt
osay?
Me:Sayno,especial
l
yafterwhathappenedtoday
.
Andthebabi
esar esti
ll
youngtobear oundpeopl
e
andthei
rspi
ri
ts.
Hi
m:Comeonbabyi
t’
sMi
keandSt
orm.
Me:
What
’sy
ourpoi
nt?
Hi
m:Whyar
eyoubei
ngl
i
ket
his?
Me:
Tomor
row,
dur
ingt
heday
.Justf
oraf
ewhour
s…

Hel
etoutasigh,“al
ri
ght
,letmecal
lhi
m.”heki
ssed
mycheekanddisappear
ed.
[
11/
23,
18:
11]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode123

*
***
***
*Keenan*
***
***
***
*

Iwal
kedi
ntothestudyandIsatdown,
Abebiwas
bei
ngsodif
fi
cult
.Ipouredadri
nkandsatdownand
cal
l
edMike,“Heybuddy.”
Me:
Yougood?
Mi
ke:
Yeah,
youdon’
tseem ok.
Me:
Abebi
,Idon’
tknowhowy ouguysdot
his
mar
ri
aget
hing.AndthenRamzicametot
hehouse.
Mi
ke:
Ramzi
?Whatdi
dhewant
?
Me:
Youknowwhathewants,can’
tjustt
akeaman’
s
mer
chandi
seandt
hinkt
hatIwil
lgetawaywit
hit
.
Mi
ke:
What
’st
hepl
anany
way
s?
Me:
Ihonest
lydon’
tknow,
Idon’
thav
eone.
Mike:Youknowhewi
l
lki
l
lyoui
fyoudon’
tgett
hose
gi
rlsbackt
ohim.
Me:
Iknow,
sohehast
odi
efi
rst
.
Mi
ke:
Andwhati
fshei
sn’
tther
e?
Me:
Shei
sIcanf
eel
it.
Mi
ke:
Hav
eyougonet
ocheck?
Me:Ican’
t,Ihavet
owaitt
il
lthel
awyersor
tssome
shi
tout.i
fI’
m seenany
whereneart
hathouseI’
min
j
ail
…
Mi
ke:
Howl
ongwi
l
lital
ltake?
Me:I
’m notevensur
e,Ij
usthav
etowai
titout
…no
ot
herchoice.
Il
etoutasi gh,andAdebay owalkedin,“Li
stenman,
I’
l
lseeyout omor r
ow.Willconfir
mt heti
meswi t
h
Abebiandlety ouguysknow. ”Iendedthecalland
Adebayowasal r
eadyont hechairopposit
emeand
hadpouredhi mselfadri
nk.Hel ookedatme, “Ramzi
uhm?”Iletoutasi ghandnodded, wespentaboutan
hourtal
kingaboutt hi
sandt henhef i
nal
lysaid,“
And
whatdoesy ourwi f
efeelaboutallofthi
s?”
Me:
Excusemesi
r?
Him:Ohdon’
tpl
aydumbwithme.I’
vebeengiv
ing
youachancet
ocomecleanbuty
oujustkeeplyi
ng
t
ome.
Me:
How…uhm.
Hi
m: Don’
taskme,
Iknowever
ythi
ng.Nowwhen
wer
ey oupl
anni
ngontel
l
ingme?
Me:Honestl
y,weweren’
tandweweregoingt
ogo
aboutdoi
ngevery
thi
ngyourwayandthenhav
ea
whit
ewedding.
Hi
m:Why
?
Me:
Idi
dn’
twantt
ohav
eachi
l
doutofwedl
ock.My
mom didi
tandIwasn’tgoi
ngt
olett
hesamethi
ng
t
hathappenedt
ome, happent
omychil
drent
oo.
Him:andyoucoul
dn’
texpl
aint
hist
ome?Am It
hat
hear
tl
ess?
?
Me:
Wel
l
…
Him:Ha,IknowIam!Int
enti
onwasgreat,
buty
our
execut
ionwasshi
t.Jusl
ikethi
sRamzishit
.

Il
etoutasigh,
“youwillbefined…andnotl
ightl
y.
”
Heconti
nued,“
I’l
lgett
hemendownher einaweek’ s
ti
meandy oushoulddot hesamewi t
hyoufamily.
”I
l
ookedathim,“aboutt
hat ,
Idon’tr
eal
lyhavefamil
y.
It
’sj
ustmeandCece, andKhenan. ”

Hi
m:I
’
m sur
eCececangetacoupl
eofuncl
es.
Me:
Uhm…I
’
llt
-
Hi
m:I
t’
snotaquest
ionboy
.Makei
thappen.

Lucki
l
yAbebi
wal
kedi
n,“
ohdi
dn’
tknowy
ouwer
e
busy
.”Adebayost oodup,“
Iwasj ustaboutt oleave,
wherearemybabi es?”Hestoodupf rom hisseat,
andwalkedtowardsthedoor, “
Intheloungewi th
Nadi
a.”Hestoodt oweri
ngov erher,
“you’renottoo
ol
dformet oputy ouonmyl apandwhi pyourass. ”
Hekissedhercheekandwal kedout.Shecl osedthe
door
,“whatwast hatall
about?”shewal kedov erto
mytable,“
heknows. ”
Her
:knowswhat
?
Me;
Aboutusbei
ngmar
ri
ed.
Her
:Howt
hef
uckdoesheknow?

Ishruggedmyshoul dersandst oodinf r

ontofher,
“areyoudonebei ngmadnow? ”shenoddedbutwi th
alitt
lecheekypout,“youruncl esar ecomi ngnext
week. ”Shelookedup, “sosoon. ”Ikissedherlips,
“don’twor r
y,i
twil
lbef ine.”Iki
ssedheragai nand
placedheront hetabledeepeni ngourki ss;“you
wantt oknowsomet hingf unny?”sheshookherhead
andki ssedmehungr il
y .Ididn’
tf i
ghtitandkissed
hershoul derandgrabbedherbr east.Shewas
wear i
nganapr onandget ti
ngundert herewasa
mi ssi
on.Imov edfrom helipsandstraightunderher
skirtandkissedhert hi
ghs,shesquirmedabi t.I
slowlybitandni bbledherinnerthi
ghsandshewas
moani ngsof tly
,Igott oherfount
ainandst ar
ted
l
ickingherov erherlacyunderwear.Iputthem tothe
side,reveal
ingherpeach.Shewasal r
eadywet ,I
placedherf ootont hedeskopeni ngwi deformeand
Iwenti n.Iplacedmyt ongueonhercl i
tandshe
twitchedabi t.
Shewaspul li
ngmyheadcl osert oher,
“ba…..aaby .
.o…o…Fuck…”sher eleasedall
herj ui
ces
i
nmymout h,Ilookedupather ,“hi
”andher
responsewas, “
getupher ebef oresomeonecomes. ”
Andbef oreIcoul dst andthedoorswungopen, “t
he
foodi sget t
ingco- ”shef rozeatt hedoor,
“atleast
l
ockt hedoorguy s,thiscantkeephappeni ng.”She
turnedar oundandwal kedoutbangi ngthedoor ;I
gotupandunbuckl edmypant s,“youhave1mi nut
e.”
Shesai dt ome, Iki
ssedheronherl i
psmaki ngher
tasteher self,
andIent eredmyheadgent l
y,“aah,
wai t
.”Ipulledout ,“okcome. ”Igoti ngentl
y,this
ti
mehal fwayandIst art
edmov i
nggent lyshewas
moaning,“30seconds. ”Ipickedupmypaceandshe
dughernailsintomyar ms, andshecamet i
ght ening
herwallsaroundmyshaf tandIt hr
ust edonel ast
ti
meandr eleasedal l myj ui
cesi nher ,Ikissedher
l
ips,“
Ilovey ousomuchMr s.Khwaza. ”Shegav eme
apeck,“not i
mef orthat,supperi sont het able.
Towel…”shepoi ntedt othebat hroom, “ ouchbaby .”I
heldontomychestandwal kedt ot hebat hroom wi t
h
mypant sstil
latmyankl e.Icl eanedmy selfupand
thenwenttocl eanAbebi ;Istoodatt hedoor ,“are
youready?”Shepunchedmei nthet ummy ,“come
on,weneedt olaughsopeopl edon’ tknowwhatj ust
happened.”
Shewal kedpassmeshaki ngherass, “t
onight..
.You
gonnasee. ”Isaidgrabbingherassasweent erthe
diningroom.West oodther esmi l
i
ngatev eryone,
shemov edmyhandf rom herass, “Thando, whatare
youguy sdoingher e?”shej ustrol
ledherey es,“can
wesetupt hetableplease? ”Inoddedandwenti nt
o
thekitchenandt ri
edtopi ckupapi eceofchicken,
“didyouwasy ourhands? ”Ilookedathershocked,
“Thandopleasewhyareyoubeingli
kethi
s?”she
rol
ledhereyes,“
thi
sisn’
tthef
ir
sttimeIhavetowal
k
i
ntoy ouguysfucki
ng.Whycan’ty
oujustl
ockthe
door?”
Me:
Whycoul
dn’
tyouknock?
Thando:
Nxa,
it’
sdi
sgust
ing.
Me:You’
rej
ustj
eal
ouscozy
ourmandon’
tputi
t
downli
keIdo.

Sheroll
edhereyesandwalkedoutwithoneofthe
ser
vingbowls,If
oll
owedherintothedi
ningr
oom
andwel ai
deveryt
hingont
het abl
eandhadaf east
asaf amil
y.

Abebi layonhebackwi t
hherl egsshaki ng,
Ikissed
herl i
ps,“heyar
eyouok? ”sheshookherhead, “stay
awayf rom me.”Ichuckled;“wantt otakeabat h?”
shenodded.Igotof fthebedandr anusabat h, I
pickedherupoft hebedandshet wi t
chedasthe
wat ertouchedherpeach,“I
’
m nev erhav i
ngsexwi th
youeveragai
n.”ShesulkedasIwashedherbody
gent
ly,andpl
anti
ngli
ttl
ekissesonherbody.“
Ilov
e
you.
”
Idr
iedherandpl
acedheri
nbed;
Igoti
nbehi
ndher
andslept
.

“Keenan…wakeup. ”Shehi tmychest ,

“what’
s
wrong? ”shepointedatt hemoni tor,“
thebabies.”I
gotoutofbedandputonmypaj amapant sand
walkedt othenextroom, “
Heypr incess,what’
s
wrong? ”sheimmedi atelystoppedcr yi
ngthemi nute
Ipickedherup.Icheckedhernappyandnot hing,
whenIcar ri
edhert otheki t
chen.Iopenedt hef ri
dge
andf oundAbebi’sbreastmi lk,
war medi tupina
bowl andtestedit.Perfect
,wewentbackupst air
s
andIsati nthechairandf edher .Iwon’tli
ebutIwas
getti
ngusedt othis.Readingal lthosebabybooks
helped,alot…itwasn’teasyt hough, It
hinkAbebi i
s
theonewhodoest hemostwor k.
Ibur
pedmybaby
,andt
henr
ockedhert
osl
eep.
*
***
***
***
***
*Abebi
***
***
***
***
**

Itwas11am whenIwokeup, Keenanhadkeptme

upallnight.Hewasn’ti
nbedwhenIwokeup; It
ook
aquickshowerandwentt othenursery.Thebabies
weren’
ti ntheroom,Iwentdownst
airsandt hehouse
wasempt yandfoundanoteonthefridge:Gone
shopping,foodisint
hewarmer.

Itookmybr eakfastandhadi tont hepatioint he

back, thiswasni ce.Iwon’tli
eandsayt hebabi es
mi sbehav ed,butal it
tl
ebr eakisgood.Af ter
breakfastIopenedt hefri
dgeandhadasl iceofcake
from lastnightwi t
hagl assofmi lk.Iwasal onef or
aboutanhourandasIwaswat chingTVev eryone
camei n,ther oom wasf il
ledwi t
hnoi seandv oices.
Chaos, Keenanwal kedinwi t
hat ripl
etstroller
,“we
hav east roll
er ?
”henodded, “youshoul dseet he
featuresont histhingtheyareamazi ng,i
t’ssocool .”
Me:
Uhm,
okwhatdi
dyouguy
sget
?
Hi
m:Idon’
tknow,
gochecki
ntheki
tchen.Ther
e’s
st
ufft
ocookf
ort
heaf
ter
noon.
Me:
Aft
ernoon?
Hi
m: MikeandSt
orm…don’
ttel
lmey
oual
ready
f
orgot
.
Me:
For
get
?No…whatt
imear
etheycomi
ng?
Hi
m:It
oldt
hem I
’
dhearf
rom y
ou.
Me:
Alr
ight
,Ihopet
heyeatNi
ger
ianf
ood.
Hi
m:Theyeatev
ery
thi
ng.

Ilookedi
ntot
hestrol
l
erandki ssedmyl
it
tl
ebabies,
“babywhyismydaughterdressingi
ngr
een?”he
l
ookedatme, “
inst
eadof?”
Me:
Whi
te,
yel
l
ow…y
ouknow.
Hi
m:Shedoesn’
tli
ket
hosecol
ors.
Me:
andshet
oldy
out
hat
?
Hi
m:Yeah,
leav
eheral
one.Gocookorsomet
hing.

Ispankedhi
sass,
“Wai
tti
l
lIdr
esst
heboy
sinpi
nk”
andIwalkedofft
owardsthekit
chenandhewas
call
i
ngoutmyname.It ot
all
yignor
edhim and
star
tedonthecooki
ng.

IhadmetMi keandhi swif

ewhenwewentt ovi
sit
Thandoi nMaldiv
es,butwedi dn’tr
eall
ygett
ohang
outal ot
.Sothiswasthefirstti
me, Iwasner
vous
butKeenankeptt el
l
ingmet orel
ax.Theywereatthe
houseatabout16H30; Keenanl etthem i
nwhil
eI
fi
nishedgett
ingreadyupstairs.
Keenansaidcasual ,soImat chedhimi nhisjoggers
andIputonahoodi e.Andwal keddownst air
s,they
wereallintheloungehav i
ngdr inksandadmi ri
ngthe
babi
es, “
andmybeaut if
ulwife.”Mikestoodup, “Abi
,
howy ou?”heki ssesbothofmycheeks, “
such
beaut
ifulbabies,Iwaswor r
iedt hey’
dtakeafterKay.”
Keenan:
Real
funny
.
Storm gotupandgavemeahug; shetookastep
back,“can’
teventel
lthatyoujustgavebir
th.Il
ooked
pregnantforayearafterhav
ingmyson. ”
Weenj oyedthenightandhadabl ast
,Nadiat ookthe
babiestogetcleanandputthem tobedaf terIfed
them.Iwasi nthekitchenwi
thStorm whent heboy s
werecheckingoutt heden,“
soont hereal
,3
babies?”Il
aughed,“It’
snott
hathardreall
y,Keenan
i
sgr eathel
pandhav i
ngNadiaaroundmakes
everyt
hingabreeze.”
Her:
You’react
uall
yevenglowi
ng;
youcantel
lthat
you’
rehappyevenaft
ertheRamzii
nci
dent
.
Iwastakenabackwhenshement ionedthat,
“you
knowaboutthat?”sheroll
edherey esandtookasip
ofherwine,“
Keenant el
l
sMi keeverythi
ngandMike
tel
l
smeev er
ythi
ng.”
Me:
ButKeenandoesn’
ttel
lmeev
ery
thi
ng.
Her
:Hewi
l
l,don’
twor
ry.Andpl
usy
ouwer
epr
egnant
.
Me:
Oh.
Her
:Don’tworry
,TKhadtowait5y
earsint
oher
marr
iageforhertoknowany
thi
ngthati
shappeni
ng.
Me:
TK?
Shelaughedandsignal
edthathergl
asswasempty,
“y
ou’
r egoingtomeetallt
hegir
lssoon,
anddon’
tyou
worr
y !
”Ifi
lleduphergl
ass,“
gir
ls?
”
Her:Yeah,goshKeenanhasbeenkeepingy
ou
coopedup.It’
sme; TK,Tumi
,Kri
shna,
Debbieand
Boit
y…y ouwill
lov
et hem.

Keenanwalkedin,
“nopeyouwon’
tbaby.
”Hekissed
myforeheadandturnedt
oStor
m,“youkeepAbebi
outofyourl
it
tl
egang.”
Stor
m: I
t’
snotagang,i
t’
sacl ub.Don’
tactl
i
keyou
guysdon’tl
i
kei
tbecauseitkeepsusoutofyourhai
r.
Mi
ke:
Butdi
gsdeepi
nourpocket
s.
Keenan:Seeandthat
’st
hetypeofmoneyIdon’
t
have,andIdon’
twantacor
ruptedwi
fe.
Stor
m: We’l
lseeaboutt
hat,whenyou’
reonyourl
it
tl
e
tr
ipsandsavingthewor
ld.Whowillbeher
e??Don’
t
answerthatbecauseweknowit’
sme.

Il
etoutal
augh,
“yout
hinkt
hisi
sfunnybaby
?”I
shookmyheadandkeptast
raightf
ace,“
Stor
mI
swearIwil
lmur
dery
ouifyouinvol
veheri
nallthi
s
rubbi
sh.
”
Shetookasi
pofherwineandcompletel
yignor
ed
him.Wesataroundf
oranot
herhourorsoandthen
theyl
eft
.Imustsayi
twasafunnight
,andmay beI
haveanewfri
end.

IhadmyheadonKeenan’
schest
,“Baby
?”
Hi
m:Uhm.
Me:
Whydon’
tyouwantmet
obef
ri
endswi
thSt
orm?
Him:No,Idon’tmindyoubei
ngf r
iendswit
hher.I
l
oveherli
kemysi ster
.Probl
em i
swhent heyar
e
combinedwithall
thosedevi
ls.
Me:
Whatdot
heydo?
Hi
m:Not
hingpr
oduct
ive.
Me:
YouknowwhatSt
orm sai
d?
Hi
m:obv
iousl
ynot
.
Igavehi
m anudgei
nther
ibs,
“Sor
ry,
whatdi
dshe
saybabe?”
Me:
Shesai
dMi
ket
ell
sherev
ery
thi
ng.
Hi
m:and?
Me:
Andy
oudon’
t?

Hel
etoutasi
gh,
“ohgosh,
what
’st
hisabout
?’
Me:Ever
ything,
yourunar
ounddoingthi
ngsbehind
mybackandIdon’tknowabouti
t.Every
oneelse
knowsbesidesme.
Hi
m:I
t’
sfory
ourownpr
otect
ion.
Me:Protect
ionmyass,
Ramziwasinourhouse.
Whatprotecti
onar
eyoutal
ki
ngabout
?
Hi
m: Baby
,al
li
nduet
ime.You’
renotcutoutf
ort
he
t
hingswedo.
Me:
Ihel
pedoutThandowhensheneededmer
ight
?
Hi
m:I
t’
sdi
ff
erent
.
Me:
Howso?BecauseIcan’
tpl
otdr
ugpi
ckupsand
shootagun?Butcany
oupat
chupabul
l
etwound?
Hi
m:NoIcan’
t,
bu-
Me: Thenwhydoy outreatmel i
keI’m useless?All
thosegirl
sthaty ouhave,dot heynotneedmedi cal
attent
ion?Ory ou’r
egoingt owal kthem intothe
hospitalwit
houtanyidentifi
cation?KeenanI ’vebeen
sit
tingnotpracti
cingmedi ci
nef orsolong, Ifeell
i
ke
ahousewi f
e.Wel lweweren’tmar ri
edt hen,andnow
thatwear e;Iam defi
nit
elyahousewi fe.Ican’tdo
thi
s.
Hi
m:Whatdoy
ouwantt
odo?
Me:Iwanttobeusef
ul,
Iwanttodosomethi
ng
meani
ngfulwit
hmytime,hel
ppeopl
e…andIwantt
o
bei
ncludedint
hethi
ngsmyhusbanddoes.
Hi
m: Ok,doyouwanttogobacktoworkandwork
al
lthoseshi
ft
s?Youjustgav
ebir
thforcr
yingout
l
oud,thechi
l
drenneedyou.
Me:
Idi
dn’
tmeannow.
..
Hi
m:Theny
oumeantwhen?
Me:
Youdon’
tgeti
tKeenan!Let
’sdr
opi
t.
Iroll
edof fhim andwentt othebat hroom, Ipeedand
thenwal kedoutandhewassi tti
ngupr i
ghtont he
bed.Igrabbedmygownandwal kedt owardsthe
door,“Abebi,please.”Idi
dn’tevenl istentohim; I
wentt othekitchenandputont heket tl
e.Ithought
tomy selfthatIneedmyl aptop.Ihav en’tseenitin
foreversowentt othestudyandgotKeenan’ slaptop.

Isatonthecoff
eetabl
esurf
ingt
henet,unt
ilKeenan
walkedinandsatdown,“
Babypl
easecanwenot
fi
ght?”
Me:
I’
m notf
ight
ing.
Him:Youcangobacktowork,y
oucanhelpt
hegir
ls
atthehouse,
ohhell
I’
ll
bui
l
dy ouyourownmedi
cal
centr
eifyouwant
.

Ilookedupathi
m, henodded,“
yesI’
lldoi
t.I
’
m
sorry.
”Il
ookedbackdown,“youwantmet osayI’
ll
tell
youevery
thi
ngthatIdo?”hepaused,“
we’vebeen
togetherf orsomanyy ear sandwehav enev erhad
thi
spr oblem.Yougotat ast eoft hist hing, andy ou’re
cravingit.Butwhataboutme, canInotwanty outo
besaf eandoutofhar m’ sway ?That ’
smyj obasa
husbandr ight,socany oul etmej ustdomyj ob?And
youj oi
ningt hosegi r
lsy ou’regoi ngt oendupwi ld
andcr azy, that’snott hegi rlIfel
l i
nl ov ewi t
h.If ell
in
l
ov ewi thasmar twoman, whoi scar eerdr i
venand
knowswhatshewant s.Shedoesn’ tf ollowt he
crowdandshet ellsherownf atherwher et ogetof f
.
Samegi rlwhogav emeachance, whomademe
openupt opeopl eandgetoutofmyshel l.The
strongwomanwhocar ried3beaut if
ul babiesand
becamemywi fe, Idon’twantt ol oset hat.Buti t’
s
alr
ight,Ilov ey ouwi thall ofmyhear tandi fy ousay
youwantt ohangoutwi tht hem, ify ousayy ouwant
togobackt owor k,andy ouwantt osav elivesof
drugdeal er s,thenIwi llacceptt hat .Isai dIwi l
l
suppor tanydeci siony oumakewhenIsai dIdo, and
Iwi l
lnotgobackonmywor dsosooni ntot he
mar ri
age.Soy out el
lmebaby ,tell mewhaty ouwant
andIwi l
lsuppor ty ou.”
Ididn’
tknowwhatt osay ,andhemusthav esensed
that,“
I’
ll
letyouthi
nkabouti t
,youletmeknowwhen
youknow.Andl ikeIsaid,whatev
ery oudeci
deI’
ll
makei thappen.
”Heki ssedthetopofmyheadand
walkedout ,
“Il
oveyou.”
Theki
tchendoorcl
osedbef
oreIcoul
dev
ent
ell
himI
l
ovehi
mt oo.
[
11/
23,
18:
12]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode124

Isatdownandt houghtaboutwhathehadsai dt o
me, comet othi
nkofi tKeenanandIhadn’ tgotten
i
ntoaf ightev er
ysi ncewemet .Idon’tcountus
fi
ghtingwhenIwaspr egnant .Andnow, babies,
mar r
iage, fami l
y,fr
iends…t hiswasjustt oomuch
dramaf orus.It ookasi pofmycof f
eeandt hen
thoughtt omy selfaboutwhatIr eall
ywant ed,the
medi cal centrewasagr eatidea;butwoul dbe
pointlessi fIdon’tfini
shmyr esi
dency .Thenagai n
I’
m sur eKeenancansor tthatoutforme.“ No, focus
Abby .We’ redoingt histher ightway.”Isai dto
myself
,“Ar
eyoutal
ki
ngt
oyour
sel
f?”It
urnedar
ound,
“
shitdadyouscar
edme.
”
Hi
m:Wat
chy
ourmout
h.
Me:
Sor
ry,
youj
ustgav
emeaf
ri
ght
.Whyar
eyouup?
Hi
m:Icoul
dasky
out
hatsamequest
ion?
Me:
Ihav
eal
ott
othi
nkabout
.
Hi
m: Bei
ngmarri
edisn’
teasy
…(pause)Especi
all
y
whenyoudon’
ttel
lyourownfat
herabouti
t.

Ididn’tknowwhatt osay ,“
Iwishshewasher e,I
don’tknowhowt ohandl eal
lofthis.
”Ididn’tsay
anythingIj ustlookedathim andhecont inued,“I
knowIf ail
edy ouasaf ather,
itwasnev ermy
i
ntention.Icar rytheburdenandt heguil
twi t
hme
everyday .Ican’trunandIcan’thidefrom it
,every
ti
meIl ookaty ouandy ourbrothersit
’saconst ant
reminder .”
Me:
Thenwhyar
eyoust
il
lmar
ri
edt
oher
?
Hel
etoutasi
gh,
“Abbypl
easedon’
taskmet
hat
.”
Me:
Howwi
l
lIunder
standi
fyoudon’
ttel
lme?
Hi
m:That
’snoti
mpor
tant,
ithappenedandt
her
eis
nowayt
ochangewhathappened.
Ididn’tsayany
thi
ngandthenhest
art
edagai
n,“
baby
gir
l I
’
m sickandIdon’
thavemoret
ime.”
Me:
Whaty
oumean?
Hi
m:Thecanceri
t-
Me:
Whatcancerdaddy
?

NowIwascr ying,“Idon’tunder stand, you’renot

si
ck…No! ”Igotup, “Idon’twantt oheari t.”Iwalked
outleavinghi m sitt
ingatt het abl
e, Ibumpedi nt
o
Keenani nt hehall,“hey,what ’
sgoi ngon? ”Ipushed
hi
m, “Leav emeal one.”Hehel dmet ightuntilI
cal
meddown, “wantt otellmewhat ’
swr ong?”I
shookmyhead, “
alri
ghtt hen.”Hepi ckedmeup
bri
dalsty l
eandwal kedupt hest air
sandt oour
bedroom andputmei nbedhewal kedt owar dsthe
door,“don’tleaveme. ”Hecl osedt hedoorandcame
backt
obedandhel
dmei
nhi
sar
mst
il
lIf
ell
asl
eep.

Thenextcoupl eofday sIav oidedmyf atherl i

kea
plague, Ididn’twanttohearanyofwhathehadt o
sayt ome.Thandocameov ertohel pwitht he
cookingandpr eparat
ionf ortheday ,
Keenanhad
bookedhi suncl esatahot el nearby.Theywoul dal l
arriv
eshor t l
y,Iwasner vousandIdon’ tknowwhy .
Dadwal kedi ntothekitchenaswewer epr eparing,
“l
adies, canIt alktomydaught erplease.”Ev eryone
l
ef tandIgav ehi m af
aintsmi l
e,“youcan’ trunaway
fr
om t het r
ut hy ouknow, butt hatisn’twhyI ’
m her e.
”
Inoddedwi t
houtsay i
ngawor d,“Arey ouner vous
aboutt oday ?”
Me:
Yeahabi
t.
Hi
m:Whyt
hough?You’
real
readymar
ri
edt
othi
s
man.
Me:Idon’
tknow,whati
ftheysaywedi
srespect
ed
ev
eryonebydoingi
tourway?
Hi
m:Andwhoi
sgoi
ngt
otel
lthem?
Hewi
nkedatme,“nowdon’
tworr
y,thi
swi
ll
beov er
i
naminute.
”Hehuggedmeandkissedmycheek,“
I
l
ovey
ou,andwestil
lneedt
otal
k.”
Me:
Dower
eal
l
yhav
eto?
Hi
m:Yi
p,nowl
etmegogetchanged.
Me:
Buty
ouar
eal
readydr
essed.
Hi
m:Please,
Ineedt
oshowt
heseXhosamenr
eal
Ni
ger
ianswag.

Il
aughedoutl
oud,
“Gogett
hem t
iger
.”

Every
thi
ngwentsmoothly
;theywer edonewi thinan
hourandahalf
.Iwasint
roducedtoKeenan’ sf amil
y
andhimtomine.Noprocesswasf oll
owed, Idoubt
Keenanevenpai
dacent.Everyonewasj ustto
rel
axedandhavi
ngsuchagr eatti
me.
Theuncl
eswer
esi
tt
ingatthedini
ngroom t
abl
eand
Iwal
kedwit
habowlandhelpedthem wast
hei
r
hands.Ist art
eddi shingupf ort hem, andwhenIwas
doneIj oinedthewomani nthelounge, wet alkeda
bitandat e.Wel li
twasj ustCeceandhery ounger
sisterAkhona, aftereatingwecl eanedupandt he
menwer ei nthelounge.Adebay ocamei ntot he
kitchen, “l
eavet hatatonceandj oinus.”Cecel ooked
athi m, “t
hewomansi t
ti
ngwi t
ht hemen? ”henodded,
“we’ref ami l
ynow, thedishescanwai t.Weneedt o
gett oknoweachot herbet t
er.
”Akhonadi dn’twaitto
bet oldt wice,shet hrewt hedishcl othontot hesink
andwal kedout ,Ijustshr ugged, andmydadputhi s
arm ar oundme, “
y oulookhappy .”
Me:
Iam,
I’
m gl
adi
t’
sal
lov
er.
Him:WellIhav
enewst
hatmi
ghtmakey
ouev
en
happi
er.

Il
ookedathi
m qui
zzical
l
y,andheshr
ugged,
“oh
comeoutwit
hital
ready.
”
Hi
m:Kobi
isonhi
sway
.
Me:
Don’
tli
e.
Hi
m:Hej
ustl
andedanhourago.

Iwassoexci ted;Ihadn’tseenmybr otherin3y ear s.

Thel astIcheckedhewasi nCubaandwast hey ear
afterIleft.Andnowhewascomi ngher e,Kobi was
they oungestofmysev enbr ot
her sandheandI
wer ev er
ycl osebef oreIlef
tthef ami l
y.He’smade
somet hi
ngofhi mselfandisaChi efPhy si
cianinone
oft hehospi talsinCuba.Iwassopr oudofhi m, and
thef actthathewascomi ngher ewascr azy.The
restofmybr otherswerest i
lli
nNi geri
a, eventhough
2oft hem hadpassedon.
Iremembernotev enatt
endingthefuner
al,
Kobi
beggedmet ogo.ButIwasnotwi ll
i
ngt obeinthe
samehouseast hatwoman.Kobi andIsharedthe
samesent i
ment
, buthewasst r
ongerthanmeand
couldhandl
ehavingheraroundandputheri nher
place.

Adebayohi
tmewit
hanothersur
pri
sethathi
ssist
er
wasalsocomi
ng;
itwasn’
tasexcit
ingasKobi
.SoI
brushedt hatoffandwesatwi theveryone,Keenan
satnextt oAdebay ohavingabeer.Theywer e
getti
ngonqui t
ewel l
Iwontlie,
andt hatmademe
happy .Butatthesamet imeitwassad, becauseif
whatmyf atherwast el
l
ingmeaboutbei ngsickis
tr
ue.Idon’ tthi
nkKeenanwoul dtakeitverywell
.
Thedoorbel lr
angandIj umpedoutofmyseat ,“
I’
LL
GETI T!!
”

*
***
***
***
*Keenan*
***
***
***
*
Abebi j
umpedoutofherseatasi fsomeonewas
raci
nghert othedoor .Everyonejustl aughedand
continuedwiththeconv ersati
on.TobehonestIwas
nervousaboutmeet i
ngherbi ggerbr otherbecause
hewast heperf
ectmani nherey es,hedi dn’
tdoany
wrong, hewasbr ave,andappar entlyhandsome.
Maybei t’
sme, butIdon’tthinkfindingy ourown
brot
herat tr
acti
veisnor mal…f arfrom it.It
hink
Khenani suglyasfuck.
Il
ovedtheatmospher
einthehouse,
itwaslaught
er
ev
erywhere…If
earedfort
hedayAbebifoundout
aboutherfather.Shewouldbesocr ushedbecause
theymissedoutonal argechunkofeachot her’
s
l
ives.Andhei sherenowt omakeup, buttherejust
i
sn’tenought i
met omakeupf orallthemi ssed
ti
mes.Igotupt ogetmor ealcoholforevery one,j
ust
asIwalkedintot heki
tchenIheardshout i
ngand
screamingfr
om t hedoor.Idi
daqui ck180t urnand
walkedtochecki tout
.Abebiwasexchangi ngwor ds
withanolderwoman, whi l
eanotheryoungerone
wasbet weenthem try
ingtocutthef i
ght.

Iput2and2t ogetherandf iguredthatwasAhunna

andIst eppedi n,“
ladies…ladies…ladies…”Abebi
’s
hairwasal loverthef ace,event houghthefi
ghtwas
notphy si
cal,Iguessshemessedi tupwhil
edoing
thet hi
ngthegi rl
sdowi t
ht heirheadswhent hey
fi
ght .I
twasal mostf unnyact ually
,butIhadtobe
serious.
Isepar
atedthem andst
oodnextt
oAbebi
,“Ladi
es,
howarey ou.
”
Ahunna:
Andwhoar
eyou?Iwantmyhusband!
!
Me:
youmustbeAhunnar
ight
?
Shenoddeddoingthatgir
latt
itudethi
ngagain,
“gr
eat,
nowy ouwil
lstepoffmypor ch,backi
ntothe
carandoffmypropertybefor
et hi
sgetsoutof
hand.
”
Ahunna:Iam notgoi
ngany
wher
eti
l
lIspeakt
omy
husband.

Ichuckl edabi t
,“i
st hi
syourhusband’
shouse? ”I
turnedt of aceAbebi ,“
isthi
sherhusband’shouse?”
Abebi shookherheadpout i
ng,Itur
nedbackt oher
stepmot her,“Noitisn’
tnowIwoul dli
keforyouto
l
eav emypr operty
,andIwi l
lgl
adlyaskAdebay oto
comet alkt oyouwher everyouare.
”Shest ar
ted
tal
kingagai n,“bu-
”
Me:Nonono, don’tmakeami st
ake.Itwasn’
ta
quest
ion,don’
tgetittwi
sted.Offourproper
tybef
ore
yougetescort
edof f
,I’
ll
counttofive.1…

Shet
ri
edt
alki
ngagai
n,“
2…”
Her
:Youcan’
tdot
his
Me:
3
Adebay
o:What
’sgoi
ngonher
e?
Her
:Baby
…he’
s
Me:
4
Adebay
o:Keenan,
whati
sgoi
ngon?
Il
ookedathi
m,“
I’
m aski
ngy
ourwi
fet
oleav
eour
house.
”
Hi
m:Comeon,
canwet
alkaboutt
his?
Me:
Ohwecan,
justnoti
nmywi
fe’
shouse.
Hi
m:You’
rebei
ngdi
srespect
ful
.
Me:NoSir
,I’
m pr
otect
ingmyf
ami
l
yandkeepi
ngmy
wi
fehappy.
Hi
m:Don’
tdot
hisKeenan.
Me:Don’tmakemegoagai nstmywife’
swishes…
t
hatwouldbeanunfairt
hingtodo.sopleasecan
youescorty
ouwifeof
fourpr emi
ses.Andy ou’
re
morethanwelcometocomeback…al one.
IsawAdebay o’schestri
singandhewasbr eathi
ng
heavy,“
Let’sgoAhunna.”Shedi dn’
tmov e,
“youar e
goingtolethimtalktoyoulikethat?
”hegotev en
angri
er,“
youwi l
lnotdisr
espectme, especi
allyin
fr
ontofmychi ldr
en…nowy ouwi l
lgetbackintothat
carandbookatahot el
,Iwil
l seeyoulat
er.
”
Ahunnawasf uri
ousandherey eswer efulloff i
re
andanger .Shet urned, “
Ginilet
’sgo.”Theot herlady
j
ustst oodt here,
“Real l
y?Yout oo?”shewal ked
towardst hecart heycamei nandthent heydr oveoff
.
Iturnedtot heotherl ady,“wherearemymanner s?
Giniisit
?”Shesmi led,Iputoutmyhandandshook
hers,shesmi l
ed,“I
’m sorryaboutthat,I
’m not
normal l
ylikethat…y ou’l
lloveme…howwast he
fl
ight?Hav ey ouhadany t
hingtoeat?
Abebi
nudgedme,
“you’
rer
ambl
i
ng.

*
***
***
**Abebi
***
***
***
*
Imustadmi t,seei
ngKeenandef endmelikethatwas
sosexy ,
Iwant edtori
pthecl othesoffhi
m anddo
hi
mr i
ghtinfr
ontofmyf at
her.Hehadal ikecrazy
personal
itychangewhenhemetGi ni
.Hewas
nervousandr ambli
ngont il
lIstoppedhim.Het ook
Gini’
sbagandwal kedinside,Iwasaboutt ofoll
ow
hi
mi nandAdebay odroppedt ohiskneesholdinghi
s
chest….SHIT!!!
[
11/
23,
18:
12]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode125

Iknel
tnexttohim,“Dad,
what ’
swr ong? ”It
ri
edto
helphi
m upbuthecr i
edoutinpain,“KEENAN! !
”he
cameout,“bri
ngthecararound.”Her anbackinsi
de
andnowev eryonewasoutside,t
hemenhel pedget
himinthecarandThandost ayedbehi nd.

Wewer ei nt
hewai ti
ngroom, andanhourlaterthe
doctorcameout ,“Adebayo?”KeenanandIgotup
andwal kedtowardshis,“
that’
sus.”Wewer eonour
feet,
“Howi she?”Keenanaskedconcer ned,“Heis
alr
ight;
itwasjustami norheartatt
ack.
..
”Hepaused
andletoutasi gh, “but?”Iaskedinashakyv oice,
Keenanputhi sar m aroundme, “Wellyourfatheris
verysick,hedoesn’ thav elongtoliv
e.”Iknewt hat
alr
eadyandIwasr unni ngawayf r
om itsincet heday
hement i
onedi t.Inodded, “ Hehasnumer ous
compl i
cations,andt omakei tworsehehasn’ tbeen
tr
eatingthis.Igotof fthephonewi thhisdoct orback
homeandher ef usest reat
ment .Almostlikehe
wantst odie,andIdon’ tknowi fhisheartwi l
lbeabl e
totakeanot herhi tafterthis.Thatonit’
sowni s
boundt oki l
lhim, thenaddt hecancertoth-”
Me:
Cancer
?

HelookedatmeandKeenant ightenedhi
sgr
ip,
the
doct
orwasshockedthatIdidn’tknow,“
Howfar
?”
Heclearedhi
sthr
oat
,“Stage4.”
Me:
Whatcancer
?
Hi
m:l
ungandbr
onchi
al.
Me:
Whoi
sthedoct
orhei
sseei
ngi
nNi
ger
ia?
Hi
m:Aki
nPeppl
e.
Il
ookedatKeenan,andheshrugged,“CanIsee
hi
m? ”Thedoctornodded,“
thi
sway.”Het urned
ar
ound,“I
’l
lwaither
e.”HegavemeahugandI
walkedi
nafterthedoctort
ogoseemyf ather.

Hel ef
tmeinther
oom; tear
st hr
eat enedmyey esthe
minuteIl
aidmyeyesonhi m.“Youi diot!
!”Iwalked
overtohi
sbed,helookedsoweakandl ikesomeone
el
se.Mydadhadalway sbeenst rong; I
’
venev erseen
hi
m sick,
cryi
ngorevensadf orthatmat ter.I
twas
onlywhenmymom di edhewascl oset otears.
Itookhischar tandsatdownandr ead.Icouldn’
t
staythere,Igotupandl ef
t.IfoundKeenanont he
phone, “
Igott ogo,we’l
lbetherein20mi nutes…
thanks.”Het urnedhi
sfocusonme, “hey,done
already?”Inodded,“youwantt ogohome? ”Inodded,
hehel dmyhandandl edmeoutt hehospitaldoor,
whenwegott othecarthetearsroll
eddownmy
cheeks, Keenandidn’
tsayany thi
ngbutpickedmeup
andsatmeonhi slapandrubbedmybackasIcr ied
onhi
schest
.

Aft
ersomet i
meIcalmeddown, “
youal
right
?”I
nodded,
“youwanttogostr
aighthome?”Inodded
agai
n,hestar
tedt
hecarandwemadeourwayhome.

ThandoandKhenanwer est
il
lther
eandsoweremy
uncl
es.ThandogavemeahugwhenIgott her
e,“
hey
mommy …ar eyouokay
?”
Me:
I’
m al
ri
ght
.I’
m hungr
y.
Her
:Ther
e’sf
oodi
ntheki
tchencome.

Theki
tchenwascleanandev
eryt
hingwaspacked
away,
“sit
,I’
l
lfi
xyouupsomethi
ng.”
Me:
Can’
tyouwar
m upl
eft
over
s?
Her
;Whatdoy
ouf
eel
li
ke?
Me:
Dombol
o,andt
ri
pe.
Her
:Woul
dyoul
i
keagl
assofwi
newi
tht
hat
?
Me:
Breast
feedi
ng.
Her
:You’
readoct
orr
ight
…youhav
eaf
ewbot
tl
esof
mil
kint
hefri
dge.
Me:
I’
drat
hernot
.

Shewar
medupt
hef
oodandsatacr
ossme,
“howi
s
he?”
Me:
Bad,
hear
tat
tack.
Her
:He’
l
lbef
ine,
wej
ustneedt
opr
ay.
Me:Nohewon’tbef
ine,
he’
sdy
ing…act
ual
l
yhei
sas
goodasdead.
Her
:Whatdoy
oumean?
Me:Hehasheartissues,andcancer
…j ustasifi
t
wasbadenough,hest oppedtaki
nghistreat
ment.
Her
:What
?Why
?
Me:
Idon’
tknow,
butt
omor
rowIwi
l
lfi
ndout
.
Her
:How?
Me:
Hisdoct
ori
sourgodf
ather
.
Shel
etoutasi
gh,
“I’
m sor
rybaby
…”
.
.
.
.
.WesaidbyetoKhenanandThando, ther oomswer e
setupformyunclesandKeenan’ suncl eswentback
tothehotel
theywer ebookedi n.Isatt al
kingtomy
sideoft
hefamily,andeveryonedi dn’tknowhewas
sick;
hekeptitver
ysecret.ButIdi dfindoutt hathe
wasshot2y ear
sback.Butwhatwoul dthatmean,I
wantedtoknowwhyhewasn’ ttakinghi streat
ment.
IneededanswersandIneededt hem now.
Myt houghtswer einter
ruptedbyNadi a,
“Abebi
ma’am, someonei satthedoorforyou.”Inodded,
“t
hanks, I
’
llber i
ghtthere.
”Igotupfrom mychai r
andwentt ot hefrontdoor,thet
earsjustcameout
i
nvoluntari
ly.“Missedmet hatmuch? ”hecamei n
andscoopedmei ntohisarmsandt wirl
edme
around.Af t
erpl
acingmebackdownhepi
ckedup
hi
sbag, “nowi t
tycomeback?
”Ishookmyhead,
“I’
m
here,l
ightenup.”
Me:
Dadi
sinhospi
tal
.
Hi
m:Whathappened?
Me:
Comei
n,we’
l
ltal
kinsi
de.

Wel ef
thisbagsinthef
oyeratt
hefootofthest
air
s,
“comethisway.”Il
edhi
mt otheki
tchen.“
You
eaten?”
Hi
m:Youwantt
ofeedmet
hisSout
hAf
ri
canf
ood?
Me:
Arey
oueat
ingNi
ger
iani
nCuba?
Hi
m:Therei
sthisl
adydownthest
reet
,makes
ev
ery
thi
ngbett
erthanyou.
Me:
Who’
scompar
ing?
Him:Iam, y
ou’r
eal
mostasgoodasmom,
butshei
s
bett
erthanyou.
Me:
Isshebet
tert
hanmom?
Hi
m:t
her
eisn’
tany
bodybet
tert
hanmom.
Me:
EvenAhunna?

Keenan:
Whoi
stal
ki
ngaboutt
hedev
ili
nmyhouse?

Hewal kedinnotknowi
ngthatKobiwasthereand
hefroze,“
Uhm, hey.
”Iwantedt
olaughsohard,
“Keenan,meetKobi…Kobi
,myhusband.
”Kobi st
ood
upandshookhi shand,“
Nicetomeetyou.”
Keenan:
Met
oo,
I’
vehear
dsomuchabouty
ou.
Kobi
:Iwi
shIcoul
dsayt
hesame.
Me:
Real
l
yKobi
,i
sthatj
abatmeorhi
m?
Kobi
:Wasmadef
orhi
m.
Me:
Hehasnof
eel
i
ngs,
don’
twast
eyourener
gy.

Kobil
aughed,
“ y
ouhungrybaby?
”Helookedatme,
“wi
ll
youandy ourbr
otherpl
ayni
ce?
”
Me:
Stopbei
ngababy
,youwantt
oeatornot
?
Keenan:
Didy
ouseasi
desomebangaandnkwobi
?
Kobi
:Wait
,heget
sNi
ger
ianf
oodandIhav
etoeat
cowhead?
Keenan:
Didn’
tyousayAhunnacooksbet
tert
hanmy
wif
e?

Ilookedathim andIsmiledandhighfiv
edhi m,I
tookoutt hepl
ates,“y
ouguy scansetup.”Istar
ted
war mingupeverythi
ng,i
twasl i
keafeastallover
again,“sowhat’
swr ongwiththeol
dman? ”Kobi
askedwi thhi
smout hful
l.
Me:
Youcoul
dn’
tswal
l
ow?
Kobi
:Justt
alkal
ready
.
Me:
Hear
tDi
sease,
manycompl
i
cat
ions.Andcancer
.
Kobi
:Sor
rywhat
?
Me:Yeah,
andthat
’snott
hewor
stpar
t.Her
efuses
t
otakeanytr
eatment.
Kobi
:Why
?
Me:
Wel
l
,wehadachatbutt
otal
l
yfor
gott
oaskhi
m
t
hat
.

Irol
ledmyey esandHepul ledhismiddl
efinger,
“I
don’tknow,
buty ouhaveUncl eP’snumber?”He
l
ookedatmeconf used,
“that’
srandom don’tyou
thi
nk?”
Me:
Hewast
reat
ingdad.
Kobi
:Peppl
ehasn’
tpr
act
icedmedi
ci
nei
nyear
s.
Me: Butmay beDadt r
ustedhi
m,youknowhe
doesn’tjustt
alktoanyone.Soi
twoul
donlymake
senset hatheishisdoct
or.
Keenan:
Wai
t,soy
ouknowhi
sdoct
or?
Me:
Yeah,
it’
smyGodf
ather
.
Keenan:
Okandwhyi
sn’
theher
etoday
?

KobilookedatKeenan,“noIjustmeanifyourfat
her
tr
ustshim somuch,andt heyaresoclose….Shoul
d
henothav ebeenheretoday?”Keenanconti
nuedto
saydefendinghi
mself.KobiandIlookedateach
other,
“Itwasjustanobservat
ion,
for
getIsai
d
anythi
ng.”Heputaspoonoff oodinhismouthand
saidnothing,
“Keenanno.”
Keenan:
I’m sor
ry.Iwasj
ustaski
ngt
hough,
for
getI
sai
danythi
ng.
Kobi:
Youthi
nkhehassomethingtodowi t
hmy
fat
herbei
ngsick?Hecan'
tgi
vehim cancer
.
Keenan;
Guy
spl
easedon’
tov
ert
hinkt
his,
Iwasj
ust
aski
ng.
Kobi
:Wellwe’
ret
hinki
ng…may
bey
oushoul
dhav
e
j
ustkepty
ourmouthshut?
Keenan:Whyar eyoufi
ghti
ngwithme?Becauseyour
godfat
herisn’
thereasyourfat
her’
sdoct
or?That
’s
somethingstupi
dtogetangryoverwoul
dn’
tyousay?
Me:
Ohguy
sst
opt
his,
Kobi
giv
emehi
snumber
.

KobigavemethenumberandIdial
edhi
scel
landi
t
rangunanswer
ed,
“youhaveanot
hernumber
?”
Kobi
:Justal
andl
i
ne.
Me:
Thatwi
l
ldo.

Andsti
l
lnot
hing,noanswer
,“hei
sn’
tpi
cki
ngup.
Maybehe’
ssleepi
ng.
”
Keenan:
Thi
sear
ly?
Kobi
:Whatwoul
dyouknow?
Keenan:Iknowt hatheisver
yclosewithyourfather
,
andtheyareprobablyinthesamelineofbusiness…
andmeni nthatlineofbusi
nessdon’tsl
eepsame
ti
measchi ckens.
Kobi
:Andwhatl
i
neofbusi
nessi
sthi
s?
Keenan:
Sowegoi
ngt
opl
aydumbnow?

Kobil
ookedatme,
“real
l
yBaby
?”het
ookasi
pofhi
s
beer
.
Me:I
t’
snotl
ikei
t’
sasecret
,Keenanyout
hinkwe
canmaybef
indanot
hernumberforhi
m?
Keenan:
Isy
ourbr
otherov
erher
ecool
wit
hthat
?
Keenanpouted,
“Guy
sIdon’thavetheener
gyfort
his,
andIneedtospeaktouncl
ePt ofi
ndoutwhatis
goi
ngonwi t
hmydad. ”

Keenangotupl
eavi
ngmewi
thKobi
,“doy
oual
way
s
havetobeanass?
”
Kobi
:Me?Andy ourboy
fri
endov
erher
ethr
owi
ng
ar
oundaccusat
ions?
Me: Fi
rst
lyhei
smyhusband,
andsecondlyhejust
askedaquesti
on.Whi
chisaval
i
dquestion,whyisn’
t
hehere?
Kobi
:May
behewasbusy
.
Me:Doi
ngwhat?Yousaidhedoesn’
tpract
ice
any
more.Andwhyisn’
thepicki
ngup.
Kobi
:Baby
,whatar
eyouget
ti
ngat
?

Il
etoutasi
ghandt ookasipofmycof fee,fi
rst
lyI
hat
editwheneveryonecall
sme‘ Baby’
I’
m grown
now,If
eeli
t’
sjustnotnecessar
yany more.Kobiwas
bei
ngsuchanass, andIdon’
tli
kehowheand
Keenanwer egoingateachot her .Theyareli
kemy
favor
it
es; Ineedt hem togetalong.Theyneedt ojust
growup, butIalsodi dn’tl
i
kehoworwhatKeenan
wasinsinuationaboutAki n.Buthewasmaki ngvali
d
point
s;he’ssupposedt obeher e.Heusedt ocallme
whenIwasi nCuba, helpmeoutf i
nanci
all
ywhenI
neededit.Hewoul dn’tdoanythingtohurtmyf at
her.
Wouldhe? ?
Iwasthi
nki
ngandtryi
ngt
ofindanexpl
anat
ionast
o
whymyf at
herwant
edtodi
e,andal
sowhyAkinwas
i
gnori
ngme.
[
11/
23,
18:
12]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode126

Keenanwal kedinwithhi
slaptop,andsatdown,
“babymyt ripehasgonecold.”Igavehimthereall
y
l
ook, Igotupandwar meditupf orhim.Iwasfeeli
ng
verytir
ed,thedays’wor
kwasnowt aki
ngit
stollon
me…Keenanwor kedonhi
sl aptopandIwenttoget
readyforbed.
Thebabi
eswereall
sleepi
ngpeacefull
yandIranmy
bat
hwaterandgotin.10minut
eslaterthemusi
c
start
edpl ay
ingintheroom, HotChocol at
e–You
sexyt hi
ng.“Keenan,
”Icall
edout ,
thenhewal ked
i
nt othebathroom naked.Wel l
withjustsockson
andst ar
teddancingaroundt hebathroom, “
Ibel
i
eve
i
nmi racles,Whereyoufrom, yousexyt hi
ng?
Sexyt hing, you.Ibeli
eveinmi r
acles,Si
ncey oucame
along, yousexyt hi
ng.”Hewassi ngingalong,“baby
stop!!”Iwasl aughingsohar dtear
swer ecomi ngout
ofmyey es,Icov er
edmyey es,andIheardhim
comi ngcl osert ome, “Oh,
kissme, y
ousexyt hing
Touchme, baby ,yousexything.Ilovethewayy ou
touchme, darli
ng,yousexyt hi
ng.Oh, i
t’
secstasy ,
yousexyt hing.”
Iopenedmyey esandhewasri
ghtbyt
het ub,
“Isai
d
kissme!”Hepoutedhi
sli
ps…andIpl
antedakisson
them.

Me:
Whatwast
hat
?
Hi
m;Ican’
tdancef
ormywi
fenow?
Me:
Notl
i
ket
hat
!
Hi
m:Yout
hinky
oucandobet
ter
?
Me:
Ofcour
seIcandobet
ter
…waybet
ter
.
Hi
m:Wel
ll
et’
ssee.
Me:
Mybr
otheri
sint
heot
herr
oom.
Hi
m:Chi
cken!
!
Me:
I’
mti
red,
wher
eisKobi
?
Hi
m:I
nthenextr
oom l
i
key
ousai
d.
Me:
Don’
thav
eener
gyt
ofory
ou.

Hegotinaftert
aki
nghissocksof
fandsatbehind
me.Ir
estedmyheadonhi schest
,“Keenan?
”Isai
d
asheplayedwithmyhair
,“Yesmylove.
”

Me:Yout
hinki
t’
scrazyt
hatI
’
m star
ti
ngtothi
nkAkin
mi
ghthavesomethi
ngtodowit
hmyf at
her
’sstat
e?
Him:Nope,notatal
l
.Formealarm bell
swentof f
whenyoutoldmehewasy ourgodfather.I
tjust
doesn’
taddup…may beheisnotthecauseofy our
f
atherf
all
i
ngsi
ck,
butsomet
hingi
sup.
Me:
Whati
fhehasn’
tdoneany
thi
ng?
Him:Nobodyhasaccusedhimtohisface.Letme
askyou,hashemissedanyspeci
aldates?Concer
ts,
anni
versar
y,bi
rt
hday?
Me:
No.
Hi
m:Sowhywouldhemi ssyour‘
weddi
ng’
andnot
ev
encal
lorsendhi
sregardstoyouort
hetr
ipl
ets?
Me:
May
beheanddadar
en’
tongoodt
erms.
Hi
m:Yetheishi
sdoct
or?Andal
l
owi
nghi
mtonot
t
akehi
streat
ment?
Me:
Youknowhowmyf
atheri
s,hi
swor
disf
inal
.
Hi
m:Doy
out
hinkt
haty
ourf
atherwant
stodi
e?

Ishrugged,
“whywouldhewanttodiebaby.Thi
nk
aboutit,
youjustgav
ehi
m 3beauti
fulbabi
esanda
handsomehusband…hehasev er
ythi
nghecanwi sh
for
.”
Me:
I’
m bei
ngser
iousbaby
.
Hi
m: Soam I
,somethi
ngdoesn’
taddupwi
ththi
s.al
l
Imanagedt
odoi sgetsomeonetowat
chAki
n.
Me:
Thanks.

Il
etoutasi
gh,
“Ihopei
t’
snot
hingr
eal
l
y.”

Wegotcleanandi
ntobed,
“howar
eyouf
eel
i
ng
t
hough?
”
Me:
About
?
Him:Ever
ythi
ng,hi
m beingsi
ck,
usget
ti
ngmar
ri
ed,
yourbr
otherbei
ngaround?
Me:Honestl
y,t
heonlythi
ngI’
m concer
nedaboutis
mydad.YouknowI ’
dhateanythi
ngtohappentohim
bef
oreIgettospeaktohim.I
’
vebeenav oi
dinghi
m
al
lweek,andIwouldfeel
soguilt
y.
Hi
m:Not
hingwi
l
lhappent
ohi
m.
Isatup,
“whati
fAki
ncomesf
orhi
mint
hehospi
tal
?”
Hi
m:Baby
,you’
ret
aki
ngt
hisabi
ttoof
ar.
Me:
Yout
hinki
t’
snotpossi
ble?
Him:Nobodyknowshe’
sinhospi
tal
,It
hinkhei
s
safef
oronenight
.

Igotbackint
obed, butIwasstil
lfeel
i
ngv eryuneasy
,
“canwenotjustcallt
hehospital
?”Keenanswi t
ched
onhislamp,“wi
llyousleepaft
erwecal lt
hem? ”I
nodded,hedial
edthehospitalonhiscel
lphone,
“….Me.LTAdebayo….Yesma’ am…Al ri
ghtthank
you.”
Hegav emet helook,“
he’
salri
ght,
andnovi
si
tor
s
unt
ilthefi
rstthi
nginthemorning,
doest
hatmake
youfeelanybetter
?”Inoddedandwewenttosl
eep.

Overthenextcoupl
eofday smydad’ssit
uati
on
hadn’
tchangedmuch, onFridaymorni
ngIwas
si
tti
ngonthelaptophavinganemailconver
sati
on
wit
hmyol dChiefMedicalOffi
cer
.Iwastryi
ngtoget
myj
obback.

Him:Abebi
,whyareyoudoi
ngthi
stome.youhad
t
hisopport
uni
tyof
feredt
oyouonasil
verpl
att
erand
youj
ustlef
twit
houtsayi
ngany
thi
ng.

Me:ComeonDalu,Iknowy oucanmakeithappen.I
j
usthave7mont
hst ofi
nishmyr esi
dency.I
t’
snot
l
ikeyouhav
etogetridofanyonetofitmein.

Dalux
olo:Andt hebabies,
Ialsohavet oputyoui
n
thebudget.Thatwouldonlybef ornextyear
,andyou
knowhowt heykeepreducingourfundingand
budgeteveryyear.I
t’
simpossible.

Me:I
’l
lworkforfree,youknowit
’snotaboutt
he
money.Ineedtofinishthi
ssoIcanmov eont
o
bi
ggerandgreaterthingsi
nmylif
e.
Dalu:
I’
llgetbackt
oyou.Ihav
etotal
ktoafew
peopl
e.Ihavetogoint
oameet i
ng.I
’
llgi
veyouacal
l
tomorrow.

Me:
Andwhi l
eyou’r
ei nt
hemeeti
ngyoucaninfor
m
t
hem t
hatI’
ll
bemaki ngamil
l
ionranddonat
ionto
t
hepediat
ri
cproj
ect.Cal
lme.

Il
aughedtomy sel
f,Iknowhedidn’
thaveameeting;
Igotafri
ghtwhenthephonerang,“
Hell
o…yesthisis
she…whathappened?What ’
swrong?Ok…thanks.”I
cutthecal
landwentintothel
ounge,“
Cece!
”
Shesatupf
rom t
hecouch,
“whyar
eyoushout
ing?
”
Me:Pleaselookaf
tert
hebabi
es,Ineedtogotot
he
hospi
talsomethi
ngiswrongwi
thmyf at
her.
Her
:Al
ri
ght
.

Iranupstai
rsandgrabbedaknit
tedj
erseyandwore
myuggs, Ir
anbackoutandstartedt
hecar.Idrov
e
caref
ull
ybutfast
.Idial
edKeenanontheBluetoot
h
buti
twentstrai
ghtt
ovoi
cemail
,shi
t.Khenanal
soto
voi
cemail
,IknowThandol
eftf
orDurbanlastni
ght
socal
li
ngherwasnouse.
Igottothehospi
tal
,andranpasttherecept
ionar
ea
andstrai
ghttomyfather
’shospit
alroom.The
doctorwasther
ewithanothernurse,“
what’
swrong.
”
Dr
:Ma’
am canwespeaki
nmyof
fi
cepl
ease?
Me:
Whathappened?
Dr
:Pl
easecal
m down,
let
’st
alkoutsi
de.
Me:
He’
sdeadi
sn’
the?

Iwalkedovert
ot hebedandsawhi sli
fel
essbody,
wit
ht hemachinesnotbeepi
nginar hy
thm butwi
th
onelongbeep!“Whathappened?”Il
ookedatthe
doct
or .
Dr
:Hi
shear
tjustgav
ein,
hest
oppedf
ight
ing.

Iputonehandonmyhi
pandt
heot
heronmy
for
ehead,“
getout
!”
Dr
:Wear
en’
tdonewi
tht
hebody
.
Me:
Isai
dgetout
!!

Theyscrambledoutoft
heroom andIlockedthe
door,
andpacedupanddownt heroom.Al ightbul
b
wentoffIgotmyphoneanddial
ed,“hey…sor r
ytobe
apainbutIneedyourhel
p…”

Isatdownonthecouchinhisroom,Iwasn’
tcryi
ng,
fur
iousismorelikehowIfel
t…af
tersometimether
e
wasaknockatt hedoorandIopened,“
hey…fuck
youlooksoskinny.”
Me:
Nott
het
ime.

Iclosedthedoorbehindhi
m andhelookedatt
he
corpse,“
what…wai t
…no…thiscantbe.
”Hetooka
stepback,“Abebi
whathappened?”

Me:
That
’swhatIneedy
out
ohel
pmef
igur
eout
.
Hi
m:Thedoct
ors?
Me:
Fuckt
hedoct
ors;
youandmebot
hknowt
hat
!!

Heletoutasigh,
“wecan’
tworkinher
e,weneedto
gethimtothefar
mhouse.
”Inoddedandgavehi
m
‘
obviousl
y’l
ook.
Hi
m:Wel
lyouwantust
ojustwheel
him outofher
e?
Me:
Yeah
Hi
m: Wecan’
tdot
hat
,rul
es,
laws…ev
erhear
dof
t
hose?
Me: I
ceIcall
edyouher
et ohel
pmeandfind
solut
ions…ri
ghtnowal
l y
ou’r
edoi
ngispoint
ingout
theobviousanddoi
ngtheopposi
te.

Hi
m:Ok,
wher
eisy
ourl
overboy
?
Me:Notnow,weneedt
ogetoutofher
ebef
oret
he
doct
orcomesback.
Hetookadeepbr
eat
heandmadeacal
l
,“t
hanks,
I
oweyoubi
gt i
me.
”
Het henturnedtome, “
stayher
e,Ki
m wil
lcomeand
takethebodyt othebasementmortuar
yandil
l
coll
ectitfr
om there.
”
Me:Ok,that
’ssi
mpl
e,andt
henI
’
llf
oll
owy
out
othe
f
arm house?
Hi
m: Wellnotj
usti
mmedi
atel
y,y
ouneedt
obeour
di
str
act
ion.
Me:
How?
Hi
m: Youneedtokeepthedoct
oroccupi
edforat
l
east30minuteswhil
ewegetthebodytothecar
.

Itookinadeepbr eathe,
“AndhowdoIdi st
racthim?”
Hel ookedatmeshocked, “
doIreal
lyhavetotellyou
howt odoev erythi
ng?Tal ktohim,doct
orstuff,ask
quest i
ons…bet hedaught erwhodoesn’tunderstand
whyherf atheri
sdead…t hreat
entosue!!Whatev er
willkeephim away ?”
Me:
Ok.
Heleftmeint heroom andKi m ar
ri
vedabout5
minuteslat
er,“hi
.”Shesmi ledawkwar
dly
,“we’
llget
tothecondolenceslater,r
ightnowgofi
ndthe
doctor…andhappycr ying.
”
Ileftherint heroom; Icouldn’tshaket hefeel
ingt hat
shewassomuchl i
keIce.Theyar eprobablyrelated,
not heyar eani t
em.Si es.Itookthet houghtoutof
myheadandwentt ot hedoct or’
sof f
ice.Hewasi n
hisof fi
ceandof f
eredmesomet hingtodr i
nkwhi chI
refused.Isatwi thhimf oranhourandf i
ft
een
mi nutesunt i
lIreceivedamessagef r
om Icesay ing
theyhadar ri
vedatt hefarmhouse, Il
ookedatt he
doct or,“
Ishouldgetgoi ng,myt r
iplet
sneedme. ”I
saidst andingup, “
againMi ssAdebay oI’
mr eall
y
sor r
yf oryourloss.”
Me:
Mrs.Khwaza.
Hi
m:I
’
m sor
ryma’
am.
Me:
Ill
keepi
ntouchi
nter
msofmov
ingt
hebody
.
Hewal kedmet otheparki
nglotandshookmyhand
befor
et ur
ningtowalkbackin.Imademywayt othe
caranddialedKeenanagain,“
heybaby,wher
eare
youheasked? ”
Me:
Justl
eav
ingt
hehospi
tal
.
Hi
m:Howar
eyou?MustIcomegety
ou?
Me:
I’
ll
bef
ine;
I’
m goi
ngt
othef
armhouse.
Hi
m:IknowandI
’m al
readyt
her
e.Ar
eyousur
eI
must
n’tpi
cky
ouup?
Me:
I’
m sur
e;pl
easepi
ckupKobi
forme?
Him:Heisn’
tatthehouse,
hesai
dhehast
otake
careofsomethi
ng.
Me:
Alr
ight
,I’
l
lseey
oui
nabi
t.
Hi
m:Dr
ivesaf
ely
.Lov
eyou.
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo.
[
11/
23,
18:
13]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode127

Iar
ri
vedatt
hef
armhouseandt
heboy
swer
esi
tt
ing,
Igreetedev
ery
oneandt
heygr
eet
edback,
“wher
e’s
Ice?”
Pet
e:I
ntheki
tchen.
Iturnedar ound, “t
hanks. ”Hewasst uff
inghi sface
withKFC, “So?”hel ookedupatmeandal mostgota
fri
ght,“sowhat ?”hesai dwi t
hhi smout hfull
, “
y ou
hav en’
ttakenal ookatt hebody ?”Heshookhi shead
andswal l
owed, “
Keenant houghti twasbesty ou
start,youknowsi ncey ou’refami l
y .
”Gosh, theyhav e
beensi tt
ingf oranhourandnotdoi ngany thing, “let’
s
go.”Ilefthi m andfelthimf ollowingme.Wewal ked
i
nt othemi niward,cleanedupandputongr ov es; ice
pulledthebodyoutandpl acedi tont heoper ating
table.Itookadeepbr eatheandshookmy self,“ i
t’s
nothing,y ouwontf i
ndany t
hingAbebi .
”Ikept
conv i
ncingmy self;weexami nedt heext er
ioroft he
body .Nobodyspokeandt henwedr ewsomebl ood,
andst artedcut ti
nghi m up.Igaggedabi t;Icoul dn’ t
believethatIwasper formi nganaut opsyonmyown
father,“youwantt otakeabr eak?”Ishookmyhead,
wecont i
nuedwor kingandIt ookt hebloodt ot hel ab
i
nt her oom nextdoorandst ar t
edmyt ests.Af ter
somet imetherewasaknockont heglasswindow,I
l
ookedupandI cewascalli
ngmebacki nt
otheroom.
Itookadeepbr eat
heandwal kedbackint
otheroom,
“fi
ndsomet hing?”helookedatmeholdingmy
father
’sheartinhishand.
Me:
Real
l
y,doy
ouhav
etohol
ditl
i
ket
hat
?
Hi
m: Ohshutupdoct
or,
everhear
doft
hel
ethal
i
nject
ion?

Il
ookedathi m wei
rd,“
li
ketheonet heyusefor
executi
ons?”Henoddedandwenti nt
oexplai
ning
howhecameabouthi sfi
ndings.Wewer ewalking
aroundthebodyasheexpl ai
ned,“whoeverdidt hi
s
wasapr ofessi
onal
.”
Me:
andhadal
lthet
imei
nthewor
ld.

Wel
ookedateachot
her
,“y
ourst
epmot
her
?”
Me: Sheisusel
ess,
shewoul
dnev
erknowhowt
o
i
njecthim.
Hi
m:Whati
fthei
deawasher
s?
Me:
Likehi
redsomeonet
odoi
t?
Him:Lookhere,
whoeverwasinyourf at
her’
sroom
whenhediedwassomeonehet rusted,andhas
enoughmedicalpr
act
iceorknowledge.
Me:
Whydoy
ousayt
hat
?
Him: Becauseifastr
angercameint
oyourroom to
i
njectyou, y
ou’dpr
obablyfr
eakoutandal
ertthe
nursesright?
Me:
Yeah.
Hi
m: Sowhydi
dn’
the?Ther
ewasnotev
enasi
gnof
ast
ruggl
e.
Me:DNA…wedi
dn’
tcheck.Thatcoul
dtel
luswho
wasint
her
oom.
Him:Nowyou’
rethi
nki
ng…any
oney
ourst
epmot
her
coul
dhaveworkedwit
h?
Me:
Aki
n.
Hi
m:Who?
Me:Mygodf
ather
,andmyf
ather
’sdoct
orbacki
n
Ni
geri
a.
Hi
m:Whywoul
dhewantt
oki
l
lhi
m?
Me:Idon’
tknowIce,
hewast r
eat
ingmydad,but
cl
aimsthatmyfat
herref
usedtot
akethet
reatment
.
Him:Doeshehav
eany
thi
ngt
ogai
nfr
om t
hedeat
h
ofyourf
ather
?

Ishrugged,“
may
behewashav
inganaf
fai
rwi
thy
our
stepmom. ”
Me:Idon’tknowIce,
UnclePhasneverdonewrong
i
nmyf ather’
seyes.I
fthatweret
hecaseAdebayo
woul
dhav esaidsomething.
Hi
m: Li
kehement
ionedhewasdy
ing?
(
Sarcast
ical
l
y)
Me:
Het
ri
ed.

Keenanwal
kedi
nandcr
inged,
“y’
al
lfi
ndany
thi
ng?
”
I
ce:Adebayowasex
ecut
ed…causeofdeat
h:Let
hal
I
nject
ion.
Keenan:
Don’
tli
e
Me:
Hei
sn’
t,
Ithi
nkAki
ndi
dit
.
Keenan:Nope,
he’
sinNi
ger
ia.Hehasn’
tlef
thi
s
house.
I
ce:
Forhowl
ong?
Keenan:
Sincehedr
oppedAdebay
oatt
heai
rpor
t.
Me:
He’
str
yingt
ogetanal
i
bi.

Keenanshookhi shead,
“no, Idon’
tthinkso.
”I
l
ookedathi m conf
used,“canwet al
ksomewher e
el
se?Ican’tstandthesmel landsi
te.”Heledthe
way,I
celaughedwhi l
eplacingdownt heheart.We
gotcl
eanedupandmethi mi nt
heboar dr
oom,
“muchbetter.
”

Me:
Sowhydoy
out
hinkhedi
dn’
tdoi
t?
Keenan:
Rememberwhent
hedoct
orsai
dyourf
ather
st
oppedthet
reat
ment
?
Me:
Yeah.
Keenan:
Wel
lhedi
dn’
treal
l
y…
I
ce:
Wel
l
??Comeonbuddy
?
Keenan:Aki
nwastreati
nghim wi
thhi
sown
experi
mentalmedi
cinesandtr
eat
ment.Youpi
cked
thatupri
ght?
Me:
Sti
l
lrunni
ngt
het
est
s.
Keenan:Ithi
nkther
ewereacoupl
eoror
gan
tr
ansplant
sy ou’
l
lpi
ckup.
Me:
What
?
Him:Lookcl
osel
y,att
hel
ungsi
npar
ti
cul
ar.Andt
he
hear
twasnext.
I
ce:
andwher
ear
ethesepar
tscomi
ngf
rom?
Hi
m:t
akeaguess.
I
ce:
No
Hi
m:Yi
p!!
Me:
I’
mlost
.
I
ce:Howdoest
hisnonamemanaget
odeal
wit
h
Gret
a?
Me:
Whoi
sGr
eta?
I
ce:
Idon’
tthi
nky
ouwantt
oknow.
Me:
Guy
s!!
!!Whoi
sGr
eta?

Keenan:Baby,
she’sl
ikethi
soldladywhosel
l
s
organsontheblackmarketforbi
ll
ions.

Me:
Ok,
wast
hatsohar
d,sowhatdoest
hismean?
I
ce:
Itmeanst
hisGodf
atherguywast
ryi
ngt
osaf
e
y
ourfat
her
’sl
i
fe.
Me:
Sosomebodyel
sedi
dthi
s?
I
ce:
Hospi
tal
sur
vei
l
lance?
Keenan:Gone,blocked,shotout,
notmaint
ained…
whoev erdidt
hiscov er
edev er
ysingl
etr
acktherei
s.
Didn’
tleaveaclue.

Ifel
tsodefeated,“
wil
lyousti
tchhi
m up?”thenmy
phonerang,“hel
lo.
.”i
twasthehospi
tal
,“youstol
e
yourfat
her’
sbody ?
”
Me:
What
?
Dr
:It
houghtwehadagoodchat
.
Me:
Youl
ostmyf
ather
?
Dr
:Don’
tpl
aydumbwi
thme.
Me:Youbet
terf
indhi
sbodybef
oreIspeakt
othe
paper
s…doyouknowwhomyf atheri
s?
Dr
:M-
Me:Andtheny
oulosehi
m,I
’m gi
vi
ngy
ou48hour
s.
Mondaymorni
ngheneedst
obeonaplanet
o
Ni
geri
a.
Dr
:But
-

Icutthecal
l,andIcelaughed,
Keenanshothimt he
eye,“
y ouwanttogetsomet hi
ngtoeat?”heasked
me.Inodded, “
Ice,goputherfat
herbacktogether
.
We’l
ltalkl
ater.
”

Keenanandwal
kedtowardst
hecar
,“whatdoyou
wanttoeat
?”Ij
ustshr
ugged,
goti
ntothecarand
st
aredi
ntospace.

*
***
***
*Keenan*
***
***
*

Abebihadn’tspokenmuchf ort hepastcoupleof

days.Wewer esitt
inginthechur chandIwasl ooki
ng
atherfrom af ewpewsaway .Ther eweremenwi th
gunsever y
wher eandIhadsomeofmyown
amongstt hecr owd,Iwasn’ttakinganychances.We
sti
l
lhadn’tfiguredoutwhathadhappened.The
servi
cefini
shedandt henthemencar r
iedthecasket
outofthechur chandt heywer esingi
ng,Istepped
ontotheislenexttoAbebi andwal kedoutt he
churchwithher .

Itwashot ,Iwassti
cky.Iputonmysunglassesand
openedt hedoorforAbebiandshegotinandtook
offherhat.Shekeptherglassesonsi
ncewel ef
tthe
hoteli
nt hemor ni
ng.Igotsomewateroutofthe
coolerinthebackseatandhandedittoherwhenI
gotintothedriv
er’
sseat,“t
hanks.
”
Ididn’tstartthecar ,Ilookedather ,“
arey ouok? ”she
noddedandt ookasi poft hewat erandr elaxedinto
thecarseat .Wedr ov einsilencetothegr aveyard,
againshesatwi ththef amilyunderthemar queeand
Istoodf arjustobser ving.Shewassi tt
ingnextto
Kobi whowasr ubbingherar m assheputherhead
onhi sshoul der.Icoul dtel
l fr
om wher eIwas
standingt hatshewascr yi
ng, bythemov ement sof
herbody .Ther estoft hefami l
ywasj ustseated, her
brother’
swi v eswer ehuddl edandcomf orti
ngeach
other.Herel destbrot herwasl eaningagainsthiscar
smoki ng,heseemedt otal
l
yunbot hered.

Ahunnaont heot
herhand,
shewascr yi
ng
hyst
eri
call
yandroll
i
ngonthefloor
.Theolderaunt
s
hadtostopherfr
om jumpi
ngintothegrav
e.
Every
onegat heredattheAdebayohouseholdaf t
er
theburi
al,l
unchwasser v
edandIhadtosi ti
nside
withall
thebrothers.Nobodyspokebutjustate,
peoplestart
edleavingandItookitasachancet o
escapethisawkwar dness.If
oundAbebicomingout
ofthebathroom “areyoureadytogo?”
Voi
ce:
Go,
wit
houtsay
inghi
?

Itur
nedar oundandsawanol dman, Adebay o’
sage
andIf iguredoutitwasAkin.Abebi smi ledand
buri
edher sel
finhischubbybody .Wehadn’ tseen
him sincewegother e;hewasn’ tfeel
ingwel l,“are
your unningawayf rom me? ”Abebi pulledawayf rom
thei
rhug, “
never!
”het henturnedt olookatme, “t
his
mustbet hehusband? ”Shenodded, “hei sn’
tas
handsomeasI ’
vebeent ol
d…butsur edoesl ooklike
hisfather.”Idi
dn’tsayanythingbutt ookmyhand
outtoshakei t
;hegr i
ppedittightandl ookedst r
aight
i
ntomyey es.Hestaredandt hiswaswei rd,
“your
motherwasal ovel
ywoman, it’
ssadwhathappened
toher .
”

Hel etgoofmyhandandt ur
nedt oAbebi,
“Ulohois
readingthewi l
linyourf
ather’
sstudyat5pm.You
bestbeher e,andbringhim.”hekissedherforehead,
“wil
l t
alklat
er.
”Andt henhewal kedawaycalli
ngout
tosomeoneel se,Abebil
ookedatme, “andthat?”
shejustshr
ugged.Kobi
camet ous,“Baby
,Gr
ace
askedmet ocal
lyouintheki
tchen.
”
Abebi
:Whatdoesshewant
?
Kobi
:Idon’
tknow.

Abebi walkedof f
,“weal lsitt
ingoutback, come
everyonewant st omeety ouproperly.
”Ifollowed
himt othebr aai areaintheback.Abebi ’
sol der
brotherofferedmeabeerandIt ookitthenunt i
ed
thetopbut tononmyshi rtandr oll
edmysl eevesup.
Theywer et alkingshitabouthowt heirfatherwas,
“andy ouMr .Sout hAf ri
ca, youknewt heol dman? ”I
clearedmyt hroat,“notver ywell
,onlytheshor tti
me
hest ayedwi thusbef or
ehi spassing.”
Son1:
Andhel
ety
oumar
ryher
?
Me:
Wel
l
,hewasn’
tsohar
donus.
Son2:
May
behewentsof
tbecausehewasdy
ing.
Son1:
Nah, i
t’
sbecauseit
’sBaby.Hewashar
donme
whenIwantedtomar r
yDee,withmyownmoney.
Li
kedude,Ij
ustneedyout onegot
iat
e.
Son3:HaHaIremember
,hewasonsome“
you’
re
notready
”ti
p.
Uncle:
Ifi
twereupt
ohim al
lofy
ouwoul
dst
il
ll
iv
ein
thehouseandsi
ngl
e.
Son2:
Notme,
fuckt
hatol
dmanhat
edme.
Uncl
e:No,youfuckedar
ound.I
fitwasn’
tfory
our
br
other
’sdeathyou’
dbe6feetunder
.
Son1:
Youwer
eabi
tmuch.
Son2:
Ilear
nedf
rom t
hebest
.
Kobi
:whatdoy
out
hinkUl
ohowi
l
lsay
?
Son1:
Trusty
out
ojustt
hinkofmoney
.
Son3:
Idon’
tcar
easl
ongasIgett
hatol
dChev
y.
Uncle:Ar
eyoumad,
he’
smybr
other
…thatbeasti
s
mine!!
Son1:He’
l
lpr
obabl
ygi
veev
ery
thi
ngtothatbi
tch!
Justt
othi
nkshewast
heonewhosenthimtomeet
hi
smaker.
Kobi
:Andy
ou’
resur
eoft
hishow?
Son1:
Whoel
sewoul
dwanthi
m dead?
Kobi
:Dadwasn’
ttheangel
.
Son1:
Andshewaswi
thhi
minSA.
Me:
SowasKobi
.

Isaidwithouteventhi
nking,
shitandt
heyall
tur
ned
tolookatme, “t
hat’
sjustmessedup.”Sai
dthe
oldestson,“Youknowwhatt hatwomanputus
through?”
Me:
YeahIknow.
Son1:
Youdon’tknowhalfofit
…Justimaginey
our
mom murder
edbyt hebi
tchfucki
ngyourdad.
Me:
Beent
hroughi
t.

Theyall
ookedatme,
“yourdad’
sbi
tchki
l
ledy
ou
mom? ”
Me:
Wel
lmydad’
swi
feki
l
ledmymom.
Uncl
e:Wel
lthat
’sdi
ff
erent
.
Son1:
Howi
sitdi
ff
erent
?

Lucki
lyAbebicamet ojoi
nus,shestoodnexttome,
“whatareyouguy stal
ki
ngabout?”andshelooked
upatme, “
nothing,guyst
uff
.”
Her
:Yeahr
ight
…Ul
ohoi
swai
ti
ngf
orus.
Son1:I
’
llstayherewi
thMr
.Sout
hAf
ri
ca…Idon’
t
wantanything.
Her:Uncl
ePsai
dev
ery
one,
incl
udi
ngMr
.Sout
h
Afr
ica.
Kobi
:Whydoeshehav
etobet
her
e?
Her:Don’
tshoott
hemessenger
.Act
ual
l
yal
lofy
our
wiv
esneedt obether
etoo.
Son3:Mywifei
spregnant;
Idon’
twantherto
wit
nesstheshi
tthatwi
llgodowntoni
ght.
Her
:Youknownot
hingwi
l
lhappen.
Son1:
Yeah,
thel
i
ttl
ebi
tchi
sget
ti
ngev
ery
thi
ng.
Kobi
:May
behespl
i
tev
ery
thi
ngev
enl
y.
Son2:
Boyy
ou’
reget
ti
ngsof
tonher
!

Theyjokedpunchi ngandpl ayi

ng, “
EVERYONE
I
NSIDE!!”ev er
yonest oppedplayingaroundand
l
ookedatAbebi ,
ev enIwasshocked, “YoBaby
what’
sgot tenintoy ou?”herol
destbrotherasked,
“f
ir
stl
yIam notBaby ,canyouguy sst
opi tal
ready
.
SecondlyIdon’twantt obehereanylonger,Iwantto
gohomet omyki ds.Nowshutt hefuckupandget
yourassesi nsi
dethehouse. ”

Everyonewasqui etandt heywal kedtowardsthe

houseaski ngeachot herwhathadgot t
enintoher .I
knewexact lywhatwasgoi ngon, Abebihasn’
tcried
andmour nedherf ather’sdeat h.Thereadingofthi s
willwasjustaconf i
rmat i
ont hathewasr eall
ygone
andi twasst arti
ngt osi nki n.Iputmyar msar ound
her,“hey…hey …”shet ri
edt opushmeof f,
“weneed
togoi nsi
de.”Shekeptr epeat ing,butIdi
dn’tpayher
anymi nd.Ihel dherunt i
l shegav einandherbody
stoppedf i
ght ,Isatdownandpl acedheronmyl ap
andlethercr y.Shecr i
edunt i
lshehadhi ccups,Akin
wasst andingbyt hedoorj ustwatchingus, “
you
needsomewat er?”Ifi
nal
lyaskedwhenshest opped.
Shenodded, “
come…”Iwi pedt hetearsoffherface
andkissedherhead, “l
et’
st akeatimeoutf rom the
cry
ing,we’llconti
nuewhenwegett othehotel.
”She
gi
ggledabi t
,“hotel?Youguy sarespendi ngthenight
wit
hme. ”

Thisguyi sf
reaky,he’
sli
kealwaysthere,
“comenow
theyarewaiti
ngf orus.
”Icar
riedt
hebot t
leofwat
er
andwal kedbehindAbebitothestudy.
Everyonewasseat edandwai t
ingf orus, wewal ked
i
nandpr oceededt oourseat s.ButAki nstoodatt he
doorleaningoni twi thhisarmscr ossed.Hewast oo
weirdandIj ustcouldn’tshaket hatf eeli
ngof f
.
Ulohoguysatatdesk, andgr eetedev eryone.
Nobodyseemedi nterested,“wel l
firstthingisfir
st;
yourfather,andhusband, fr
iendl efty ouallav i
deo.
Sowewi ll
bewat chi ngthatbef orewepr oceedwith
thereading.
Heputont heov erheadproj ect
orandani mageof
Adebay ocameon, “t
alk…”wehear dAkintell
inghim,
“ar
ey ousur eit
’son?Shoul dn’ttheli
ghtbe
beami ng?
”ev eryoneinther oom laughed,“BayoI
don’thaveallday .
”Akinreplied,Il
ookedathi m and
hewassmi li
ngandt henwi pedat earbeforeitrol
led
all
thewaydownhi scheek.
Thev ideowasagoodby e,andanexpl anationabout
hisil
lness, andhowhewi shest hef ami l
ywi l
lstay
togetheraf terthissession.Hewentonabouthi s
l
ov eforhi schildren,t
hemi nutehement ionedhi s
l
atewi fe; hi
sel destsonst oodup, “Idon’ thav etime
forthis.
”hesai dheadingt ot hedoor .Ul ohopaused
thev i
deo, “sitbackdownson. ”Aki nsai dt ohim.He
stoodst ill
,“Uvo,yourfat herwoul dn’ twanti ttobe
thi
sway .”Hewasabi gguy ,
andv eryangr y…itwas
evidentt hatthisfamilyhadn’ tdeal twi ththepassi ng
oftheirmot her.AndIt hinkt hatwasbecauset hey
hadt olivewi thhermur der er,ort heyr anawayf rom
thewhol esituati
on,li
keAbebi did.Ev eni nhisanger
hest i
llrespect edAkinl i
kehi sownf at her,“Ican’tP…
Ican’
tsi
ther
e.”
Aki
n:It
’st
helastt
ime.Onehourandthenwe’r
edone
andyoudon’
teverhavetosetf
oothereagai
n.

Het ooki nadeepbr eathe,andwentbackt ohisseat

andhi swi ferubbedhi sback.Thev i
deopl ayedt o
theend, thewomenwer ei
nt ear swhi lethemenj ust
clearedt heirt hroats.Andt henUl ohost oodup, “well
that’snowov erwi t
hwewi l
lgot ot hereadi ngoft he
will
.Hepi ckedupanenv elope, andwal kedar ound
ther oom wi t
hi tsot hateveryonecancheckt hatt he
seal wasnotbr oken.Whenev er yoneconf i
rmedi t
beingseal edhel ookedatAki nwhogav ehi m anod
ofappr oval.Het ookadeepbr eatheandopenedt he
env elope.Al leyest urnedtohi m, theconcent r
ation
wasnowal lonhi m, andhecl ear edhi st hroatand
started.Hest artedwi thhisel destsonal lt
hewayt o
Kobi .Eachsonget tingapi eceofl andandasum of
moneyandonev intagecar ,all equal inv al
ue.Uloho
clearedhi st hroatagai n,“mywi fe.”ther oom went
sil
ent .“Befor eIpr oceedwi thwhatIhav eleftfory ou
Ithinki t’
st i
meev eryoneknewt het r
uth.”Ev er
yonei n
theroom st artedmaki ngsoundandwhi sper i
ngt o
thei
rspouse, Ahunnamov eduncomf ortablyinher
seatwhi l
eAki nl ookedst raightather .Iscannedt he
room andKobi wasl ookingdown, “ther eisnoeasy
wayt osayt his, butbecauset hingst ur nedoutt he
wayt heydidt her eisnoot herchoi ce.WhatIam
abouttosaywi l
l notchangeany t
hing, youar eal la
familyandy oushoul dcont inuet ol oveeachot her
thesameasy oual wayshav e.
”Ev er yonel i
stened
i
ntensivelytohowt hei
rfat herfeltaboutt hemur der
ofhiswi f
e,andt hendr oppedt hebombhowAhunna
i
sKobi ’sbiological mother ,andhowt heykepti t
secretbecauset hatwouldaf f
ectt hewayt heot her
chil
drenlookedatKobi .Abebi grabbedmyhand; I
thi
nkshewaswor ri
edbecauseKobi i
sol dert hanher
thatshewoul dal sobeAhunna’ schi l
d.Butt hatwas
notment ioned.Hespokeaboutt heaf fair
;hehad
withherandhowKobi wasconv i
nced, andt heir
mot heraccept ingKobi asherown.

Theroom wasfil
l
edwithshouti
ngandcussing,
Ahunnadi
dn’tsayany
thingshejustsati
nherchai
r
withherarmsf ol
ded.Thenaccusat i
onswer ethrown
acrosstheroom unti
lAkinstoppedit,“wearen’t
done;nowy ouallsi
tdownandl ist
ent otheend. ”
Thenoisedieddownbutdi dn’tf
ullydie,Kobit
riedto
stand,“
don’tyoudareyouwitche’schild!
”
Aki
n:Al
ex,
youdon’
ttal
ktoy
ourbr
otherl
i
ket
hat
.
Alex:
youdon’
ttell
mewhatt
odo;
youknewabout
thi
sandsai
dnot hi
ng.
Aki
n:Iwi
l
lwhi
pyourdi
srespect
ful
ass.

Alexlaughed,“Mr.SouthAf
ri
cawasright
,maybeyou
didkil
lhim af
terall
.”Andhespat
,“Al
ex,I
’
m warni
ng
you.”
Alex:Didyouwarny ourfr
iendwhenhest uckhisraw
penisinthatwit
ch'spussy?Didyou?Didy ourwarn
hi
m nott ogetmar r
iedtothewomanwhomur dered
mymot her
?Didy ouwarnhimt otel
lusthet r
uth?
Uhm?Di dyou?

Ther
ewasal
oudsound,
andAl
exkeptqui
etst
ari
ng
str
aightatAhunnawhohadjustslappedhim.He
huff
edandUv ost
oodinfr
ontofhim, “
Alex.
”Tears
werestreamingouthi
sface,
“touchmeagai nbit
ch,I
dareyou!”
Ahunna: youdon’ tt
alktomelikethat,y
ouungratef
ul
l
itt
ler at.Iwast heonewhost oppedy ourf
atherfr
om
whippi ngy ourassev er
ytimeyoucamehomehi gh,
anddr uggedup.Iwast heonewhobeggedhi m not
tokicky ououtorf i
reyouwheny ouwer emil
king
thi
sf ami lybusinessdrywithyourexpensi
vedrug
habits.
Alex:
Youarenotmymot her
,youonl
ydidthatsohe
canstaymarr
iedtoyouandyouweren’
tshamedfor
yourbast
ardchi
ld!
Kobi
:Idi
dn’
taskf
oranyoft
his.
Alex:
Youshutup; you’
rejustafuckinglovechi
l
d!
Youhav enoplacehere…y oudon’tdeserv
eadime
ofmyf ather
’shar
dear nedcash…
Uv
o:Al
exchi
l
lman.
Al
ex:
Washeev
eny
ourf
ather
?
[
11/
23,
18:
13]Ly
nne:
Lit
tl
esni
ppet
!!
!

Epi
sode128

Ahunnar eachedov ert otrygrabbinghi m butUv o

stoppedher .“Idon’twanti t
,givemyshar et oher .
”
Hesai dandwal kedt owar dsthedoor ,“
UncleP, I
needy outomov eoutoft heway .Iam nol ongera
partoft hisfami l
ysot hereisnoneedf ormet obe
here. ”Akinpr etendednott ohearhi m andst oodi n
thesameposi t
ion,heknewt hatAl exwoul dn’tdo
any thingt ohi m becausef ir
stl
yher espectedhi ml i
ke
hisownf ather ,andsecondl yhewasshi tscar edof
him.“ Chil
d, pleaset akey ourseat.”Al exexhal edand
wal kedt owar dsthemi nibarinthest udyandt ooka
bot tl
eofwhi skeyanddr ankf r
om thebot t
le,“that ’
s
allyou’ regoodat ,drinkingandsnor ti
ngy our
probl emsaway .”Shesai dthatunderherbr eat he.
“ExcusemeMOTHER, whatdidy ouj ustsay? ”She
foldedherar msandpout ed, “
Ihopey ouareal lready
foranot herf uneralnextweekend, becauset oni ght
I’
m kil
li
ngthi
sbitch.
”Uv ojustl
aughedoutl oudand
Akinshookhishead,“let
’sproceed.”Akininstr
ucted
Ulohowhocont i
nuedwher eIleftoff,“t
oAhunna, I
l
eav emyhouse,andt herangeofMer cedes,anda
sum paymentof20mi l
li
onNai r
a.”Ahunnawas
smiledtohersel
fandlookedatUl ohowho
proceededtospeak,“l
astbutnotl east…”the
expressi
ononAhunna’ sfacechanged, “areyou
done?”

Ulohof l
ippedbackt othepr evi
ouspageandpushed
uphi sglassesandl ookedbackupathert hen
nodded, “Ist
hereapr oblem mother,wer eyou
expectingmor e?”Alexlaughedandst umbledal
most
fall
i
ng, Isawagr inform onAkin’sfacewhi chhe
quicklygotridofandcl earedhisthroat.Ul
oho
start
edagai n,“mydear estdaughter,youaremy
favori
tey ouknow. ”Theroom wasf ill
edwith“oh”
and“ weknew”Ismi ledabi t
Uloho:outofallt
hesemonst er
syouhavey our
mot her’
sheart
,hersmileevenhert
oes.Ihatedher
toes.(Ever
yonelaughed)Iknowwedidn’tr
eall
yhave
arel ationshi pandweal lknowwhy .AndwhenIt r
ied
tomaket hingsr ighti twast ool ateandt imewas
agai nstme, therei snot hi ngt hatIcangi v ey ouor
sayt oy out hatcoul dt urnbackt hehandsoft ime.
(Abebi wasi nt ears.)Ial way st houghty ouwer et he
weakonebecausey oual way ssawt hegoodi n
ever yone, yourhear twassof t
,y ouwer esensi t
ive
andal lsof tinside.Butt hemi nut eIsawy our
strengt hwaswheny oul eftanddi dn’tr eturn, Ididn’t
hav et hegut st orunaf t
ery oubecauseIwast heone
atf aultandIknewt hat .Il ety ouhav ey ourspaceso
youcanheal andbecomet hewomant haty ouar e
today .Iam pr oudofy ouBaby ,ofev er ythingt haty ou
hav ebecomeandIknowy ouwi llonlygetbet terwi t
h
ti
me.Youwer eev eryt hi
ngIwi shedf orinadaught er
andmor e,andIf uckedi tup.Ihopey ourcanf i
ndi tin
yourhear ttof orgiveme, andmov eonf rom t his.I
knowy oudon’ tneedany thi ngbecauset hatDeCost a
willtakecar eofy ou, sot hi si sf ormygr andchi l
dren.
Igiv ethem al l mycompani es, eachwi l
l hav ea33%
shar ei neachcompanyandt he1%i sf ory ou.( The
room wasst illsi
lent ,butt heexpr essionson
ever yone’ sf acewaspr i
cel ess. )Iam gi v ingy oual l
myshar
est
otheoi
lwel
l
,whi
chi
s51%.
Ahunna:
What
?
Aki
n:Hei
sn’
tdone.
Uloho:Thehousei nI t
aly
, Austr
ali
awillbeyours.
Thereisat r
ustaccounty ourmotheropenedtheday
youwer eborn,shewast ooexcitedabouthavi
nga
babygirl
.Shefor cedmet odepositmoneyintoyour
accountoneachofy ourbi rt
hdays.(
Akinnoddedand
l
aughedt ohimsel f.
)nowIdon’ tknowwhaty ouwi l
l
dowi t
hit,buti
t’sallyours.
Ahunna:
Howmuchi
sint
heaccount
?
Ul
oho:
2bi
l
li
onNai
ra.

Ever
yonej ustlaughed, “
Ishouldhav ekil
ledbothyou
andyourmot her.
”Ther oom wentqui et,
shewas
angr
yandt earswer estreamingdownherf ace.She
wasn’tthi
nkingaboutherwor ds,“Iknewy ouwoul d
beapr obl
em, youwer etheappleofhi seyeand
you’
rejustsoper fect.Hecoul dneverlovemet he
wayhel ovesy ou,evenhi sl
astbreathwasy our
name.Nx!Youallgetoutofmyhouse…f uckall
of
youli
tt
ledevil
s…Kobilet’
sgo.”Theystoodand
madet hei
rwaytothedoor ,
Akinsti
l
ljuststoodther
e,
“si
tdown.”hewaslookingveryangry,“
Thisismy
houseandy ouwi
llnottel
lmewhatt odo.”
Nextt hi
ngAbebi hadAhunnabyherhairand
draggedherf rom Aki
n,“
whatdidyousay?”Ahunna
j
ustl aughed,“hecri
edli
keali
tt
lebabybeggingme…
call
ingouty ourname.”
Abebi l
andedasl aponherf aceandt henwal ked
away ,“
isthatthebestyoucando? ”shet urned
aroundandl ookedather,“Ahunnay oulistent ome
andl i
stengood, whenthi
smeet ingisov ery oubetter
packy ourshitandrun.Youbet t
errunl i
ket hedev i
lis
ony ourtai
l.Becauseifweev ercrosspat hs…ohso
helpyouGod!Iwi l
ldoworset oyout hanwhaty ou
di
dt omypar ent
s.”

Abebiwasn’tcry
ingany
mor e,
shelookedather
brot
hers.“
ifanyofyoutouchhery
ouwi l
lhavet
o
answertome, uncl
ePar ewedonehere?”
Akinshookhishead,t
her
e’sonemor
ething.Abebi
toolherseatnextt
ome,“Sor
ryUl
ohi
,pl
ease
proceed.
”
Kobi
helpedhi
smotherup,
andev er
yonel
ookedat
Ul
oho,“
Uhm, t
hel
astthi
ngisKeenan…”
Iwasshocked, “No…no.I’
m all
goodr eal
ly.”Igave
him acrookedsmi l
e,Aki
nclear
edhist hr
oat
signall
i
ngforUlohotoproceed,“Aki
nwi l
ltellgi
ve
youy ourl
ett
er.But…
[
11/
23,
18:
13]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode129

Ev eryonelookedshocked, andnotexpect ing.I

wasn’ texpect inganythingei therandIdi dn’t
under standwhyIwasget tingany t
hing,“Butsince
ther ulessayev ery
thingneedst ober eadouti nthis
sessi on,Ileavey ouPal m Roy al.Thi
swi llhelpyou
wi thyourcur rentRamzi situat i
on.”IlookedatAki n,
“ther eti
rementapar t
ment s? ”Akinnodded, Iwas
conf used.Ilookedar oundt her oom andnobodyel se
seemedt oknowwhatwashappeni ng, “
Don’ tworry
I’
llexplainev erythi
ngt oy ouatmyhouse, ”Atki
n
reassuredme.Het henl ookedatUlohowho
concludewhent heinherit
ancewoul dbepaidout
andsetupi ndi
vidualmeet i
ngsforsigni
ngand
transf
ers.Andthent hesessionwasdone, Aki
n
unlockedthedoorandAhunnawast hefi
rsttol
eave
wi t
hKobi onhertai
l.“Kobi!
”Abebicall
edouttohim.

*
***
***
***
***
***
**Abebi
***
***
***
***
***
***
***

Kobi t
urnedtolookatmef ri
ghtened,“canIt al
kto
you?”hehesi t
atedf orabit.“Outsi
depl ease.”
Everyoneinther oom mur mur edandIt otal
lyignored
them, “
Keenanwai tformei nthecar,Iwon’ ttake
l
ong.”Hej ustnoddedandwal kedout,Iwalkedout
thefrontdoorandwai tedforKobi onthebench
underthet r
ee.Hesatacr ossf r
om mel ooking
nervous,“why?”
Kobi
:What
?
Me:Pl
ease,
he’
sdeadal
ready
.Ij
ustwantt
oknow
why
.
Kobi
:Sheact
edal
onei
nthi
s.
Me:
Idi
dtheaut
opsyper
sonall
y,shemayhav
ebeen
t
her
ebutonl
yaprof
essi
onalcandothat
.

Hel ookeddown,“Kobi
…Hedi dn’
tanswerme,I
stoodupf r
om myseat,“Goodbye,Ihopeoneday
youwi l
lfi
ndpeace.”
Hi
m:Abebi
please,
Ial
readyf
eel
badenough.
Me:Andsoy
oushoul
d…t
ell
yourmot
herIwasnot
bl
uff
ing.

Iwalkedtowardsthecarandgoti
n,“I
’m done.
”
Keenanlookedatme, “
areyouok?”Inodded,“
we’
l
l
tal
kaboutthislat
er.
”
Keenan:
Aki
nhadourstuf
fmov
edt
ohi
shouse;
he
sai
dhe’l
lmeetust
her
e.

Idi
rect
edKeenantot
hehouseandweparkedi
nthe
fr
ontandwalkedt
owardst
hedoor
,myfeetwer
e
ki
lli
ngmeandal lIwantedwast obathandsl eep.We
wer egreetedbyDebr a,Igaveherahug, “
arey oustil
l
here?”shet ookmei ntoherarmsandgav emet he
war mesthug, “
wher edidyouwantmet ogo? ”she
smi l
edwar mlyandl ookedatKeenan,“thi
si sthe
l
uckyguy ?
”Inodded, “wellhe’
shandsome.Tal ltoo,
you’vealway sl
ikedthem liket
his.
”shewi nkedandI
blushed,“Nicetomeety ouMr.DeCosta.”
Keenan:
Mr.Khwaza.
Debra:Ohwhat ever
, y
ou’
reaspit
ti
ngimageofyour
fat
herandbr other
.Comet hi
sway,we’
reaboutt
o
eat.I
’m sur
et hosetal
ksgotyouhungr
y.
Keenan:
Youcansayt
hatagai
n.

Il
aughedt
omyself
;Keenanwoul
dneverpassdown
achancet
oeat
,“Debbi
e?”shet
urned,
“yesmylov
e?”
Me:
Uhm,
canIseemybabi
esf
ir
st?
Debr
a:Ofcour
se,howcoul
dIfor
get
?Theyar
ein
Sam’
sroom.Keenanfol
lowme…
Theydi sappearedintot heki t
chenandIwentt o
checkonmybabi es,theywer eal lasl
eep.Nadi awas
sleepingonSam’ sbed.Il ookedar oundandt he
room wasst i
l
l t
hesame, aftersomanyy ear s.I
kissedmybabi esandwentdownt othekitchenand
foundKeenanst uffi
nghi sf ace.Thi sremindedmeof
oldtimes, Debbiewoul dal way slightthekitchen
stoveandwe’ deatthere.Ipul ledachai randsat
downandshebr oughtmeapl ate,“j
usthowy oulike
i
t.”Ismi l
edandst artedeat ing; unclePwal kedinand
satdownwi thus, “
somet hing’sj ustdon’tchange.”
Hel ookedatKeenan, “yourwi feusedt oeather e
ev er
ysingleday ,i
nthisv eryspot .”
Me:
Youknowwhy
.
Him:Shesai
dshedi
dn’
twantAhunnat
oput
anyt
hingi
nherf
ood.
Me:Andyouhear
dwhatshesai
dtomet
oday
,soI
wasn’
tcr
azy.
Debbi
e:Whatdi
dshesay
?
Me:
Shesai
dsheshoul
dhav
eki
l
ledmeal
ongwi
th
mymot
her.
Debbi
e:No,
didsher
eal
l
ysayt
hat
?
Aki
n:Sheal
soconf
essedt
ofi
nishi
ngBay
oof
f.

Debbiecamear oundandr ubbedmyshoul ders,“how

didyoutakeitchi
ld?”Keenangi ggledabitandIshot
himthedeathstare,“what’
ssof unny.
”Keenan
spokewithhismouthf ull
,“shesai dshegoingt okil
l
her.
”Debbiemov edfrom behi ndme, “noBaby!”she
satnexttoAkinwhohel dherhand, “
yesshedi d.And
Ithi
nkshewilldoit.
”Shesmackedhi shand,“Baby
youwerejustangrywer en’
ty ou?”
Me:
No,Imeanti
t.Andnoneofy
ouguy
sar
egoi
ng
t
ostopme.
Debbi
e:2wr
ongsdon’
tmakear
ight
.
Me:Shewr
ongedmet wi
ce,sheshoul
dbehappyI
di
dn’
tcomeaft
erherwhenIwasolder
.
Aki
n:Don’
ttal
kli
kethat
;yourf
atherhat
edt
he
bi
cker
ingandfi
ghti
ngamongsty’al
l.
Me:
Wel
lhei
sdeadnow.
Aki
n:r
est
ing.
Debbie:
Mayhi
ssoul
resti
npi
ece,
hesur
ewi
l
lbe
missed.
Me:
P,whydi
dhel
eav
eherany
thi
ng?
Akin:
Itwashi
swi
feofmanyy
ear
s,shewasn’
tal
l
bad.
Me:
Sheconv
incedhersont
oki
l
lhi
sownf
ather
.
Aki
n:Andhowdi
dyoucomeupt
othatconcl
usi
on.
Me:
I’
m adoct
-
Aki
n:Andtheyl
ety
ouper
for
m andaut
opsyony
our
ownfamil
y??

Hesqui
ntedhi
sey
es,
“rul
esmusthav
echanged,
whenIwa-”
Me:yeahyeah,Istol
ethebodyand…doIreall
yhav
e
t
oexplai
nt oyouwhathappened?Itseemsl
ike
you’
real
readyintheloop.
Debbie:
Baby ,
youki
dnappedy
ourownf
atherf
rom
thehospit
al?
Me:
WhatwasIsupposedt
odo?Pl
ushewasdead!
Her
:Lett
hedoct
orsdot
hei
rjob.
Me:Sotheycant
ell
met
hati
twasahear
tfai
l
ure?I
don’
tthi
nkso.
Her:
Wher eareyoul
earni
ngal
lthi
srubbi
sh?Yousee,
t
hisisexact
lyhowitst
art
edwit
hy ourf
ather
,whoi
s
t
eachingyouthi
srubbi
sh?
Aki
n:I
t’
stheDeCost
aboy
.

Keenanchokedonhi
sdr
ink,“
excuseme?”Aki
n
shr
ugged,“wher
eel
sewouldshelear
nitf
rom?”
Keenan:
May
bei
trunsi
nherbl
ood.
Akin:
Sowhywasn’tsher
unni
ngaroundwi
th
gangster
swhenshewasinCuba?
Keenan:Iwasi
nCubawithhermostoft
het
ime,
so
I
’m def
ini
tel
ynott
hecaus.
Aki
n:Yout
hinkIdon’
tknowt
hat
?We’
vebeen
wat
chi
ngy
ou…buty
oubr
oughtherbackt
oSout
h
Af
ri
ca.
Keenan:
So?
Aki
n:Soy
ouexposedhert
othel
i
fey
ourbr
otherwas
l
ivi
ng.

Keenanscr
atchedhi
shead,“It
ri
edtokeepheroutof
i
t.
”Akingavehimthelook,
“Ial
waysmadesureshe
wassafe.
”
Aki
n:Iknow.
Me:
Knowwhat
?
Akin:
Everyt
hing.Justl
ikey
ouknowIwashel pi
ng
yourfat
herandwhatwewer eupto.Iknowyouwer e
runni
ngaroundinsteadoff
inishi
ngyourresi
dency
.
Me:
I’
m goi
ngt
ofi
nish.
Aki
n:Iknow,
Ispoket
oDal
uxol
o.
Me:
Ihadal
readyspokent
ohi
m.
Aki
n:Ohl
it
tl
echild,
yout
hinkevery
thi
ngjustf
all
s
i
ntopl
acebecauseyoumakeithappen?

Il
ookedathi m confused,
“whatdoyoumean? ”he
scrat
chedhi sbeard,“
Nothing.
”Hepout
ed,andthen
hestartedagain,“
yourfat
herlovedy
ou,Ihopeyou
knowt hat?
”Inodded, “
Ido.”
Akin:AndhethoughtKeenanwasperf
ectforyou.Do
youknowt hatt
hemi nut
ehesawy oul
aughing
becauseofhim;hesaidri
ghtt
hereandthenthatthi
s
i
stheguyy ouwouldmar ry
.
Me:
Sawme?
Aki
n:Who’
sthatot
hermedi
cal
student
?Jacob
Debbi
e:Jake.
Aki
n:Yeahhim,y
ourf
atherdi
dn’
tli
kehi
m onebi
t.He
wastooser
ious.
Me:
AndsowasKeenan.
Aki
n:Nope,
notl
i
ket
hatsucker
.Aar
gh.
Me:
Wai
t,ar
eyouguy
sther
easonhel
eft
?
Aki
n:No,hewassmar tandhegotagr
eatof
fer
.We
don’
thav
et hatmuchpower.

Hechuckl
ed,“
Ili
kedhim.
”Keenanr
aisedhis
ey
ebrows,“
wellnotasmuchasyouobviousl
y!
!”
Keenan:
Bet
ternot
.
Akin:
Please,
y ou’
renotper
fectt
oo.Youwer
en’
tthe
bestcandi
date.
Keenan:
Whynot
,I’
m per
fect
.
Aki
n:Youdr
oppedoutofv
arsi
ty,
you’
reacheat
.
Keenan:
What
?
Aki
n:Andyou’
rethebrot
herofani
nfamousdr
ug
l
ordwhojustwon’tdi
e!
Keenan:
You’
rebei
ngahy
pocr
it
e.
Aki
n:I
sital
i
e?
Keenan:
Sowhywasn’
tIsentaway
?
Akin:
Becauseyouwer
eherchoi
ce.Youmadeher
happy,andt
her
ewasnothi
ngmoreimport
antt
o
Bay
othant
hat
.

Ifel
tmyfaceheatingup,
andIfel
tthet
earsbui
ldup,
“don’
tcr
y,hedidn’
twantyouguystocr
ywhenthis
daycame.It
’sahappyday,t
hetrut
hisoutand
every
oneisri
ch.”
Keenan:
Speaki
ngofwhi
chy
ouhav
eal
ett
erf
orme.
Aki
n:Tomor
row.
Keenan:
Butwhy
?
Aki
n:Becausehewasf
ondofy
ou.
Keenan:Butwhendi
dhewr
it
ethewil
l
?Heonlyknew
aboutRamziwhenhewasi
nSouthAfr
ica.
Akin:Heknewhewasgoi ngtodi
esoon,may behe
didn’
tknowhi sownsonwoul ddoit
.Butsurelyknew
hiswifewould,hetr
iedtotal
ktoAbebibutshewas
hardheaded.Whydoy outhi
nkhewantedtofinali
ze
theweddi ngsosoonandwhywoul dheagreet o
mar r
yy ouguyswheny ouwereal
readymarri
ed?
Me:
Het
oldy
ouaboutt
hat
?
Akin:Hetoldmeev ery
thi
ng,andKeenanhewanted
youtohav ethatbui
ldi
ngbecausethehouseyou’
re
usingisnotsafe.Andheknowsthatyouwill
be
recei
vingmor eshi
pments,bef
oreyougetwhatyou
trul
ylooki
ngf or
.
Me:
Whi
chi
s?
Aki
n:Whent
het
imei
sri
ght
.
Me:
B-
Aki
n:Butnot
hing.

Isul
ked,
“whydoy
out
hingAhunnaf
inal
l
ydi
dit
?”
Aki
n:Becauseshecoul
dnotcont
rol
him any
mor
e.
Keenan:
Cont
rol
how?
Aki
n:Money
,hi
schi
ldr
en.Bayohadhadenoughand
hej
ustdi
dn’
tcar
eanymore.
Me:
Whydi
dhest
aymar
ri
edt
oher
?
Akin:Atfi
rsthelov
edher,whichwaswhenyour
mot her
’sfamil
ywantednothi
ngtodowithBayo.But
theyfoundthei
rwaybackt oeachot
herandafter
t
hatIbel
i
evei
twaswi
tchcr
aft
.
Me:
Youbel
i
evei
nthatbul
l
shi
t?
Debbi
e:Language!

Igav
eherpuppydogapol
ogi
zi
ngey
es,
“buty
ou’
rea
doct
or!
”
Akin:
thatdoesn’
tmakemebl ind.Bayowasn’
tthe
sameaf t
eryourmother’
spassing.Thi
ngsonl
y
changedwhenDer r
ickdi
ed.
”
Me:
Howdi
dthatchangeany
thi
ng?
Akin:Tocutt helongst oryshort;wheny ourbrother
diedyourfatherdidn’tgivear at
’sass.Hedi dn’t
contri
butetot hefuneral,whenhegott otheburial
sitehewasdr unkanddr uggedup.Nowweal lknow
thatmyf ri
endwasnosai nt,
butthest atehewasi n
wasdi ff
erent.Itwasn’tthealcohol,i
twasaspi r
it.
Somet hi
ngsodar kthatEt et
eChi mscoul dnotev en
bewi t
hin10met ersfrom him.

Keenan:
Etet
eChi
ms?
Me:That’
smygrandpa;
he’sl
ikeaprophetor
somethi
ngli
ket
hat.Spi
ri
tual
youknow?

KeenannoddedandIl
ookedatAki
n,“
Sowhatdi
d
Etet
edo?”
Aki
n:Het
ookhi
mtot
hemount
ains.
Me:
Real
l
ynowUncl
eP?
Keenan:
Goonpl
easeIwantt
ohearaboutt
his.

Akinconti
nuedt otel
lusthestoryofhowmy
grandpadrovetheev i
loutofmyf at
her,
theevil
Ahunnahadputi nhim.Wel lIf
oronedon’tbel
ievein
thi
sstuff
,li
keitjustal
lseemst ofar
fet
ched.“Well
whydidn’
thet hendivorceherwhenhiseyeswer e
fi
nall
yopened? ”
Aki
n:ThatIdon’
tknow.
Keenan:
WhatIwanttoknowi
swhydi
dtheykeep
Kobiasecr
etal
lthi
sti
me?
Aki
n:Di
dyouseehowev
ery
oner
eact
edt
oni
ght
?
Keenan:
Theywer
eangr
ybecauset
heywer
en’
ttol
d
ear
ly.
Aki
n:andiftheyweretol
dear
li
erdoyouthinkKobi’
s
st
ayinthathousehol
dwouldhavebeenpleasant
?
Keenan:
Sowhyki
l
lhi
sfat
her
?
Debbi
e:Money
…that
’sobv
ious.
Keenan:Sot
heythoughtAhunnawoul
dget
ever
ythi
ngandsharewithhi
m?
Aki
n:Pr
ett
ymuch.

Isatbackandl etthi
sallsi
nkin,Ididn’
tknowwhat
tothinkofi
tbutIwasdi sappointedinKobi.Wewere
closeandhecoul dhavecomet ome, wecouldhave
preventedt
his.May bedadwasgoi ngt odi
e,butnot
atthehandsoft hatbit
ch!

Wespokeaboutot hert
hings,especial
l
ymydad’ s
condi
tion.Westayedupallni
ght.Wewokeupt he
nextdayandshewaspr epari
ngbr eakf
ast.Iwal
ked
downstairsonl
ytofi
ndKeenanal r
eadyi nthel
ounge
wi
tht hebabiesandtheywer
ecl
ean,“
babe,
themil
k
i
skindoff i
nished.
”Irol
l
edmyeyeandwenttot
he
ki
tchen,“
Debbi e.
”
Her
:Mor
ningBaby
,howdi
dyousl
eep?
Me:Isl
eptwel
l,
andy
ou?Idi
dn’
theary
oucomei
n
t
hismorni
ng.

Sheclearedhert
hroatandturnedtothestov
e,“
do
meaf avorandsetthetabl
e.Uv oandTinyar
e
comingto.”Il
aughed,“
Debbie!”Shegavemea
bor
edl ook,“
what?”
Me:
Youanduncl
eP?

Aki
n:whataboutus?

Ij
ustlaughedandwalkedoutwit
hthepl
ates,i
twas
ni
ceseeingtheboysoutofthatt
oxi
cenvi
ronment
butIneededtoleav
eNigeri
aandgohome, thi
sheat
wasn’tworki
ngforme.
[
11/
23,
18:
14]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode130

Thefoll
owingweekIreceivedanemail
from
Daluxol
othatIwil
lbestart
ingin4monthstime,
whichwasperfectbecausethebabi
eswill
beold
enough.
IwasinmygownontheporchwhenStorm walked
i
n,“y
ou’r
einy
ourgownatmidday?Realhousewife!
”
Wehuggedandshesatdown.

Me:
Whatbr
ingsy
ouher
e?
Her
:Wel
lsi
ncetheguy
saregoingoutoftownfor2
day
swewerethi
nki
ngabouthavi
ngalit
tl
esoir
ée.
Me:
When?
Her
:That
’st
hespi
ri
t…t
oni
ghtmyhouse
Keenan;
Toni
ghtwhat
?
Her
:Whydoy
oual
way
shav
etocr
eepuponus?
Keenan:
It’
snotcr
eepi
ngupi
fit
’si
nmyhouse.
Her
:Hav
eyoupacked?
Keenan:
Ihav
eanorgani
zedwi
fe,
somyt
hingswer
e
packedt
wodaysago.
St
orm:
Orshej
ustwant
syououtoft
hehouse.

Sheroll
edherey esandpouted,“Wipethatsmi r
koff
yourfaceorelseI’
llcal
lofft
his‘
soirée’
rubbish.
”She
j
umpedoutofherseatandhuggedhi m,“youguy s
bett
erbehave…nowgetoutofmyhouse.Mywi f
e
needstopumpmi lkformybabies.Shespankedhi s
assbeforekissi
ngmycheek, “wil
lcally
oul at
er.
”And
shedisappearedintothehouse,Keenansatdown
nexttome, “
what ?”
Hi
m:Idi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ng.
Me:
I’
ll
behav
e.
Hi
m:Iknowy
ouwi
l
l.
Me:
Orel
se?
Hi
m:Youknowexact
lywhatwi
l
lhappeni
fyoudon’
t.
Ishruggedandt ookasi pofmyt ea, andpl acedt he
cupdownpout ing,“We’ l
l see. ”Hegotupand
grabbedmeandputmeov erhi sshoul derand
start
edwal ki ngi ntothehouse, “KeenanI ’
m sor r
y .”
Hedi dn’tst op, Iwasgi ggl i
ngandhewal kedupt he
stai
rs, “
noy ou’ renot ”andhet hr ewmeont hebed
andst artedki ssingmei nahungr ymanner ,Iwas
getti
ngexci tedandIki ssedhi m athi space.He
ri
ppedmygownopenandj ustst aredatmybar e
breast,“babyst op!”Iwasst il
l laughi ng,hepul l
ed
downmypant iesandr oughl ysepar atedmyl egs,
andIsqui r
medwhenhi st onguet ouchedmycl i
t.He
didn’tstartsl ow; hejustlappedawayl i
keadog.
Woul dsuckandni bblemycl i
tev erynowandagai n.I
couldn’tcont aini tandmybodyshooki nanor gasm
andIl etoutal oudmoan.Hedi dn’ tstop, he
ti
ghtenedhi sgr iparoundmyt highspul l
ingmyass
offthebedandheat emer ightt hr oughmysecond
orgasm.It riedt ogetawaybuthewoul dn’ tloosen
hishold, her eachedf ormyv ibr atorwi t
honehand.
Knocki ngt hedr awert ot hef l
oori nthepr ocess, he
switchedi ton, “Keenan, Iwasj ustpl aying.”It’sl
ike
hewasn’ thear i
ngmeandheputi tonmycl itandmy
bodywasv ibrat i
nguncont r
ollablyandIbur stagai n,
thistimeIsqui r
tedabi twhi chseemedt ogethi m
mor eexci ted.Heputt hev i
bratorbackonmycl itand
Icouldn’ tholdmy selfandt hist i
meIl etital lout .He
wasr ubbi ngmypeachmaki ngamessev ery wher e,
“FUCK! !
”Iscr eamedoutl oud, Iwasf eelingt oo
sensitiveandhei nsertedhi sshaf tfullyinme
withoutawar ning,“Kee…oh. .
.Ohmyf uckKeenan. ”I
cameagai nandhesl ammedhar derint omer ight
throughmyor gasm.Hepi ckedmeupof fthebed
andwal kedt ot hedr essingt abl ewhi l
emov ingi nand
outandheputmedownandt urnedmear ound, and
slammedbacki nt
omehar dlifti
ngmyl eftlegand
holdingont omywai stt ightwi thhi sot herhand.He
start
edmov ingf asterandf ast erpinchi ngmyt high
andwai statt hesamet imeandhel etoutagr owl ,
“aaaaaaaaaaahh! ”Ifelthi sbodyst i
ffen, hewas
breathingheav yandIt rickleofhi ssweatdr opped
ontomyl owerback, hest ayedl i
ket hatf orawhi le.
Aftersomet imehepul l
edoutandhi sjuicesdr i
pped
downmyr i
ghtl eg.Hest eppedawayandIputmyl eg
downandt riedt oturnar ound, butIcoul dn’tfeel my
l
egsandIal mostf ellbuthecaughtme.Hepi cked
meupandpl acedmeont hebedanddisappeared
i
ntothebat hr
oom andIhear dthewaterr
unning.He
camebackandt ri
edtokissmeandImov edmyf ace
away,“babyandt hen?”Il
ookedaway ,
“Beb,come
on?”Igavehimt helook,“
reall
y?Youhurtme!”He
knel
tinfrontofme, “I
’
m sorrybaby.
”
Me:
Youdi
ditonpur
pose!
Hi
m:But
Me:
No,
takemet
othebat
hroom.

Hel etoutasighandpi ckedmeupandl edmet othe

bathroom andputmei ntothebat h.Ifl
inchedabi t
whenmypeacht ouchedt hewater ,
“toohot ?”I
tot
al l
yignoredhim.Hel ef
tmei nt hebat hroom andI
sli
ddowni nthewaterandnur sedmysor ev agina.
AfteranhourIgotout ,Iwasst i
llinpainbuti twas
better.Idri
edupandputonar obebef oregoi ngi nto
thebedr oom,hehadchangedt hebeddi ng, Iputon
myl otionandwor emypaj amasandsl eptont opof
thecov erswithathrow.Af ewmi nutesl aterthedoor
openedandIpr et
endedt obeasl eep,“babyIbr ought
youf ood.”I
tsmelledlov el
y;hepl acedt hetrayont he
sidetableandshookmegent l
y.Ipretendedt oyawn,
“Pleaseeat.
”Isatupandhepl acedabowl of
seafoodpast ainfrontofmeandIst artedeat ing.He
satandwat chedme, “uhm, Iwast hinkingmay be
aftereati
ngy oucanpump.Ther e’sonly3bot tl
esin
thefridgeandI’m surey ou’
llbedr i
nkingt onight.”I
shookmyhead, “I
’m notgoi ngany mor e.”
Hi
m:Abebi
pleasedon’
tbel
i
ket
hat
.
Me:
Like?
Hi
m:Idi
dn’
tmeant
ohur
tyou.
Me:
Ok.
Hi
m:I
’
m sor
ry.
Me:
Okay
.

Hest oodupdefeat
ed, “
Ineedtomakeacal l.
”Heleft
mei ntheroom.Ifi
nishedmymeal andIslept.I
twas
around5pm whenIwokeupandhewasn’ tthere,my
cl
otheswer el
ainoutont heendofbedt ablewitha
note:incaseyouchangey oumind.Ilov
ey ou.
Ismiledtomy sel
f,t
hissucker!Iwalkedtot he
nurseryandallmyangelswer eintheircots.Isatin
thechairandstart
edpumpi ng,30mi nuteslaterIput
themi l
kinthefri
dgeandwentt ogetr eady .
.
.
.
.
.
.
Irangt hedoor bellatStorm’shouse,“ Comi ng!!”I
hear dshout i
ngf r
om inside.Sheopenedt hedoor
andgav emeahug, “youmadei t!!
”Inodded, “come
thegi r
lsareint helounge.”Shepul l
edmei ntot he
mostgor geousspace.Thesi tti
ngareawasi nt he
mi ddleofther oom, roundlikeand3st epsleadi ng
down.Thegi rl
swer esoloud, wewalkeddownt he
stairsandt heystartedscreami ng.Stormi ntroduced
us, “
Soy ou’reMr s.Keenan.”Boi t
yaskedwi tha
naughtysmi
le.Inodded,
“ohgi
rl
,nopenoshyness
herepl
ease.
”Krishnasai
dhandi
ngmeagl assof
wine.
St
orm:
Youpumpedr
ight
?
Me:
Yeah.
Tumi:Don’
tmindthesedr
unkar
ds,
theyst
art
ed
dri
nki
nghoursago!

Storm hadabutl
erwhowaswal ki
ngaroundtopl
ess,
“Mikeiscool
withthi
s?”ever
yonelookedatme,
“MIKEWHO? ”theyal
laskedatthesametime…
Boi
ty:Gi
rlyourmani
soutofthecount
ryLordknows
doi
ngwhat ,andy
ou’
reworr
iedaboutatopl
essman
ser
vingchampagneandcanapés?
TK:
Truet
hat
.(Andt
heycl
i
nkedt
hei
rgl
asses.
)
Tumi
:Sohowar
ethebabi
es?
Me:
Theyar
egood,
growi
ng.
Tumi
:Sowhyhav
en’
tyouhungoutwi
thus?
St
orm:
BecauseKeenant
hinkswe’
rebadf
orher
.
Debbie:
Liket
heyar
eanygoodwhent
heyar
e
toget
her.
Boi
ty:
Remembert
het
imewhenLebowoul
dn’
tst
op
cal
l
ingTK.
Al
l
:Oooohhhhhh
Me:
Whathappened?
Boi
ty:
Sacul
’amaguguv
erysameweekend.

Ilookedatherblankl
y,“ohcomeon, Stor
m and
Krishnaknowwhatt hatmeansandt heyaren’
tev
en
Sout hAf
rican.
”Theyalllaughed,
“Hewasbur i
ed,
6
feetunder.”
Kr
ishna:
andt
heyf
uckedhi
m upgood.
Me:
AndKeenanwast
her
etoo?
Boi
ty:
Yip.
Me:
Keenandoesn’
tfi
ght
.
TK:Gi
rlobv
iousl
y,whenar
eyougoi
ngt
oseehi
m
fi
ght
?
Shehadapoi nt
; Iwasneverinasituati
onofseeing
himfight
.Theonl yti
mehedi di
twaswi thKhenan.
“Theythi
nktheycandoi tbutwecan’ t
,“Boity
i
nterr
uptedmyt houghts,“
masifeisif
ebe!!”OkIknew
whatthatmeant.Ilaughedabittomy self.
Storm:Soli
keIwassayi
ngthatot
herti
me,theywant
torunarounddoi
ngthei
rshi
tandexpectustosi
tat
home.
Boi
ty:
Itdoesn’
twor
kthatwayboo.
Me:
whatel
sedoy
oudobesi
dest
hev
iol
ence?
Tk:Wedr
ink,
andspendt
hei
rmoney
.Andsweept
he
st
reet
.
Me:
Sweept
hest
reet
?
Tk:Wel
lonl
yIandKr
ishdot
hat
.You’
l
llear
nast
ime
goesby
.
Kr
ish:
Nah,
shei
stoosweetf
ort
hat
.

Ij
ustsmi
l
edawkwar
dly
,“andshe’
sadoct
or,
li
ket
hey
swearnott
oharm otherpeopl
eri
ght
?”Debbi
easked
l
ookingatme.Inodded.
Boi
ty:
soi fy
ougotachancet
ohur
t.Orki
l
lyou
woul
dn’tdoit?
Me:
Onl
yoneper
son.
Tk:
Yousee…nowwe’
reget
ti
ngsomewher
e.Who?
Me:
Myst
epmot
her
.
Boi
ty:
Ohdamngi
rly
ou’
rehear
tl
ess.Whatdi
dshedo?
Me:
Sheki
l
ledmypar
ent
s.
Debbi
e:asi
nherhusband,
yourf
ather
,par
ent
?
Me:
Yeah…
Tumi:Thatmakessense,
bot
hpar
ent
s…j
ustI
’
d
shootheri
nthehead.
Me:
Thatwoul
dbet
ooeasy
.
Boi
ty:
Howwoul
dyoudoi
t?

Itookasi
pofmywine, “
well
,j
usthowsheki l
l
edmy
dad.I’
dgi
veherani
njecti
onandletherhav
eahear
t
att
acktothepointofal
mostdy
ing…andt
hengi
ve
hertheant
idot
e.”
St
orm:
Sav
eher
?
Me:No,repeatt
hepr
ocessf
orasl
ongasherhear
t
canhandle.

Ther oom wassilent

,Itookanothersip.Ihadbeen
picturingthatsceneforsolong,shewoul dbe
screami ngoutmynamet ostopjusthowshesai d
myf athercri
edoutmyname.
Boi
ty:
Fuckgi
rly
ou’
rer
uthl
ess.
Me:
youasked.

Ev eryonelaughed.Wewer ehav i
ngagoodt i
meand
thenmyphoner angandKeenanwasf aceti
mi ngme.
Ilookedati tf
oralongt i
me, “t
roubl
einparadise?”
Stor m askedwhi l
eshegr abbedmyphoneand
answer edit,“
Where’smyhubby ?Imisshim.”He
rolledhi seyes,“
Ihavey ourcontact
s,putmywi f
eon
thephone! ”Stor
ml aughed,“Shesaidshedon’twant
totalkt
oy ou!”Iheardachangei nKeenan’
svoice,
“St
or mI’
m notplayingwit
hy ou.”shefr
owned,“you
don’tpl
aynice,”shesaidhandingthephonebackt o
me, “Hi
”het i
l
tedhishead,arey oufeel
i
ngityet
? ”I
wasconf used,“f
eeli
ng?”
Hi
m:Theal
cohol
.
Me:
Haha,
justabi
t.I
t’
snotbad.
Hi
m:Andshel
aughs.
Me:
Ist
il
lhav
en’
tfor
giv
eny
ou…wher
ear
eyou?
Hi
m:Wej
ustl
andedi
nBot
s.Mi
ssmeal
ready
?

Ishookmyhead,“
thegi
rl
sar ef
un!
!”Helookedatme
withast
rai
ghtf
ace,“
Iwon’tcomment.
”

Ther estoft
heni ghtwasfun;wet al
kedmor eabout
theirescapadesandshenani gans.Butthemor ni
ng
afterwasani ghtmare,myheadwaspoundi ng,and
Keenan’ scallcouldn’
thavecomeatawor seti
me.
Het easedmef orabout30mi nutesunti
lIheardone
oft heguy scallhi
m.
ThenextdayIsati nt
hekitchen,“FUCK!!”Thando
walkedi n,“
whyar ewecussingsoear l
yinthe
mor ning?”Ishookmyheadandshesqui nthereyes,
andl ookedatthebottl
eofmi lksitt
inginfrontofme
andshegav emeaconf usedl ook.Ishowedhert he
boxandshel aughed,
“mommyhadonet oomany ?”
Shel aughedhardergett
ingabeerf rom thefri
dge.
Me:
I’
m gl
adoneofusf
indst
hisf
unny
.
Her:Chil
l
,thealcoholshouldbeouty
oursy
stem i
na
coupleofhourssoy oujustneedt
opumpanddump.
Me:
Andmybabi
esst
arv
eint
hemeant
ime?
Her
:For
mul
awon’
thur
tjustoneday
.
Me:
Keenani
sgoi
ngt
oki
l
lme.
Her:I
t’snotli
keyoudoitallt
het i
me,sohe’
ll
understand.Pl
ushecan’texpectyoutosi
ther
coopedupal lday
.

Wespokesomemore,
“any
way s,
ther
ewasa
packagef
ory
oudr
oppedatthehouse.
”Il
ookedati
t
str
ange,“sender?”sheshr
ugged,
andIputt
heboxi
n
thedrawer,“l
et’
sgo.”
Her
:Wher
e?
Me:
Ineedf
ormul
a.
Her
:Youdi
dn’
tbuyt
heset
hingsbef
oregi
vi
ngbi
rt
h?
Me:
No,
Iwantt
obr
eastf
eedt
il
l6mont
hs.
Her
:Andaf
tert
hat
?
Me:
Wemov
etot
hemashes.
Her
:Ok,
let
s.
.
.
.
.
.
Eversincethei
rt ri
pKeenanhasbeenacti
ngstr
ange
andlookingstressed.I
t’
sbeenalmosttwoweeks
andhehasn’ tbeensleepi
ngintheroom.He’
s
al
way sinthest udyandgoingoutf
orlat
emeeti
ngs.I
focusedonmybabi
esandt
urni
ngt
hehousei
ntot
he
homeI ’
veal
way
simagi
ned.

Iwasput t
ingt
hegirl
s’advicetouseandIwas
spendingsomeofKeenan’ smoney ,
honest lyi
nthe
beginningIdiditt
ogethisat t
enti
on.Ithoughthe’d
compl ainandactual
l
yhav eaconv ersati
onwi t
hme,
buthel etmespendandcont i
nuedwi thhisbusiness.
NowI ’m spendi
ngbecausei t’
sfun.I
’venev err
eally
beenmuchofashopper ,
Ialwaysthinkaboutsav ing
money .SoIwashav ingfun,Ihadthescanneri nmy
handandt hephonerang.“Hi…”
Hi
m:Busy
?
Me:
Nope,
(beep)
Hi
m:Ar
eyoushoppi
ng?
Me:
Howcoul
dyout
ell
?
Hi
m:I
sev
ery
thi
ngokay
?

Heclear
edhi
sthr
oat
,“wher
ear
eyou?Wantt
ogr
ab
l
unch?”
Me:Oooh,
meetme@Homei nCav
endi
sh, andt
hen
wecandoHudson.Ihav
eaf
ewmor et
hingstobuy
.

Heletoutasi ghandagr eed,Iconti

nuedscanningall
thethingsIwant ed.Someonet appedmeonmy
shoulder,“
areyoudone? ”Iturnedaround,
“al
most ,
j
ust…”Het ookt hescannedoutofmyhand, “
reall
y
Abebi,thi
siscloset o100k.
”
Me:
What
’sy
ourpoi
nt?
Hi
m:Whatdoy
ouneedal
lthi
sst
ufff
orany
way
?
Me:
Thehouse.
Hi
m:Thehousei
sfi
ne,
let
’sgetoutofher
e.

Wemadeourwayt otheti
l
l,andIpaid.Wegotto
Hudsonandgotat abl
einacorner,“
soy oumissed
me, or?
”hetookasipofhi
sbeer,“nope,Ihav
ea
casethat’
sbuggi
ngmeandIneedhel p.
”Irai
sedmy
eyebrows,“
whatki
ndofhelp?”
Him:Youknow,
thenotsol
egal
hel
pfr
om acer
tai
n
hospi
tal
.
Me:
Ok,
onl
yify
ouhel
pmewi
thsomet
hing.
Hi
m:what
’st
hat
?
Me:
I’
ll
tel
lyoul
ater
.
Hi
m:andt
hef
air
nessi
swher
e?
Me:
Doy
ouwantmyhel
pornot
?
Hi
m:f
iney
ouwi
n.Buty
ou’
repay
ingt
hebi
l
l.

Aft
erl
unchIwentt
othehospi
tal
andmetupwi
th
Dal
uxol
o.
[
11/
23,
18:
14]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode131

Aft
erl
unchIwentt
othehospi
tal
andmetupwi
th
Dal
uxol
o.
Hi
m:TowhatdoIowet
hisv
isi
t?
Me:Real
l
ynow,Iwant
edt
oseehowy
ouguy
sar
e
usi
ngmydonat
ion.
Hi
m:Ifyouweren’
tthi
scut
eIwoul
dhav
etol
dyout
o
f
uckoffalongti
meago.
Me:Il
oveyouto.Aki
ntol
dmemydadspoket
oyou
bef
orehi
spassing.
Hi
m:I
sthatwhyy
ou’
reher
e?
Me:
NoIact
ual
l
yneedaf
avor
.
Hi
m:OhgoshAbebi
youwi
l
lbet
hedeat
hofme.
Me:
Wouldyourat
herIj
ustdomyownt
hingorcome
t
oyoudi
rect
ly?
Hi
m:Abebi
,whydoIhav
eaf
eel
i
ngIwi
l
lregr
ett
his?
?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Iwasi
ntheki
tchencooki
ngwithagl
assofwine
whenCecewalkedi
n,“
fi
nall
ytaki
ngmyadvi
ce?”She
wal
kedinwit
hatr
aythatIhadgi
venKeenanat
l
unch,
“hesai
dhe’
srushi
ngtoameeting.
”
Me:
didhesaywi
thwhom?
Cece:
Nope,helookedli
kehewasi
nar
ush.I
act
ual
lywantedtotal
ktohim.
Me:
Wel
lyouandmebot
h.Any
thi
ngIcanhel
pwi
th?
Cece:
Ithi
nkIcangobackhomenow.
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
Her:Wel
lyouguy sdon’
tneedmeanymore,t
he
babi
esaregrowingandy ouguy
sareget
ti
ngthe
hangoft
hings.PlusImissmyhouse.
Me:Ok,butcanIasky
out
ost
ayf
orj
ustal
i
ttl
e
l
onger
.
Her
:Howmuchl
onger
?
Me:Wellaweek,
twoweeksmaxi
mum.Ineedt
ogo
homeforawhil
e.
Her
:That
’sunder
standabl
e,Icandot
hat
.
Ihuggedher,andshel eft.Iwentt ot
hestudyand
wroteanotetoKeenan: I’
llbeoutofthecountr
yf or
awhile.Goi
ngt oNigeria.Cecehasagr eedtostay
withthechi
l
dr en.SeeyouwhenIgetback.If i
nished
supper,f
edthebabi esandputt hem t
osleepand
thenwenttopack.Igotat ext:Takeoffi
sat15h00.
ThenextdayKeenanwasn’tbackandIneededto
gett
otheairpor
t,Idi
aledSt
orm,“Ineedafl
avor
.”
Her
:Any
thi
ng.
Me:
Ridet
otheai
rpor
t.
Her
:ooohhol
i
day
!!
Me:Nonot
hingli
kethat
,I’
m goi
ngtoNiger
ia.Tosor
t
outsomet
hingsaft
ermyfather
’spassi
ng.
Her
:Oh,
I’
ll
bet
her
ein20.

Igotont othej
etandsatdown, Il
ookedatmywat ch
14H50, Ipi
ckedupt hephone,
“you’r
elate.”Andthen
thedoorf r
om thecockpi
topened,“r
eall
y ?
”I
shrugged,“what,
lookattheti
meIdi dn’
tthinkyou
wereher e.
”
Hi
m:What
ever
,buckl
eup.We’
reaboutt
otakeof
f.
Me:
I’
m st
arv
ed.
Hi
m:We’
l
leatwhenwe’
rei
ntheai
r.

Af
tertaki
ngoffweev ent
ual
lygott
oeat,“
sodidyou
ev
entuall
ytel
lKeenanaboutyourt
ri
p?”Il
ookedat
hi
m,“when?Whi chti
me?”
Hi
m:Abebi
,you’
remaki
ngexcuses.
Me:Hedoesn’thav
eti
meforme;he’
sal
wayslocked
upi
nhisstudyoroutr
unni
ngof
ftomeeti
ngs.
Hedi dn’
tsayany t
hing,“
honestly
,I’m start
ingtothink
thathefinal
l
ysawt hatthismarr
iaget hingisn’
tfor
him,plusthr
eebabi es.Andhe’sfoundsomeone
youngandf resh.
”Her olledhi
sey es,
“ you’
vegott o
bekiddingme. ”
Me:Youknowhe’
syoungert
hanme,
sohef
ound
someonehi
sage.
Hi
m:That
’snotsomet
hingKeenanwoul
ddo.
Icrossedmyarms,“Iwi
llki
l
l t
hatbit
ch!
”Hechuckled.
“Thisist
hepartwherey
our eassur
emet hathei
sn’t
doinganythi
ng.
”
Hi
m:Hey
,howwoul
dIknow?
?Rel
axwi
l
lyou…

Wel andedatabout22H00andwecheckedi nt
oour
hotel,
“real
lyoner oom?”wegotourkeyandwentup
totheroom, “you’
v egott
obeki ddi
ngme…a
honeymoonsui t
e?”heignoredmeandwenti
nside
div
ingont othebed, “
shotgun!”
Me:Shotgunmyass,y
ouor
der
edt
hisr
ubbi
shr
oom,
soy
out aket
hecouch.
Hi
m:I
t’
sact
ual
l
ybi
genought
ofi
tthebot
hofus.
Me:Whocar
es…?I
’
m goi
ngt
oshower
,pl
easeor
der
f
ood.

Il
efthi
m andwentint
ot hebathr
oom;Ishowered
andcameoutinmypaj amasandar obe.Iwas
dry
ingmyhairwitht
het owelwhenIgotacall
,“we
haven’
tevenbeenhereforanhourandsomeone
al
readyknows.
”Hel
ookedatmeshocked,
“whoi
s
i
t?”
Me:
It’
sAki
n.
Hi
m:Wel
l
,that
’snotabi
ggy
.

“
Uncl
eP.
”Isai
dfor
cingexci
tement
,“Don’
tuncl
eP
me.
”
Me:
Iwasgoi
ngt
ocal
lyoui
nthemor
ning.
Hi
m:Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Me:
Busi
ness.
Hi
m:Whatki
ndofbusi
ness?
Me:Myf
atherdi
dleav
eme51%ofanoi
lcompany
r
ight
.
Hi
m:Andt
hatmant
haty
ou’
rewi
th?
Me:He’smybodyguar
d.Keenanwaswor
ri
edabout
mysafety
.
Hi
m: I
’
llseeyoutomorr
ow,Ihav
eameet i
ngi
nthe
morni
ngI’l
lonl
ybeavai
labl
eaft
er14H00.
Me:Worr
ynot
,I’
l
lseey
out
hen.Saygoodni
ghtt
o
Debsf
orme.
Hi
m:(
chuckl
e)we’
l
lseey
out
omor
row.

Icutthecal
landl
etoutasi
ghofr
eli
ef,
“di
dhebuy
i
t?”Inodded.
Him:Thefoodi
shere,
weneedtogetsomer
est
becausewehaveanearl
ymor
ning.
Me:
Rogert
hat
.

Il
ayont hebedlooki
ngattheti
me, 03H28.thenext
2minuteswerelong,assoonasitwas03h30Igot
outofbedandwentintotheshower .Ihadaquick
oneandcameoutdr essedinal
lblackwi t
hcombat
boots,
“aren’
tyouali
ttl
eoverdr
essed? ”Heasked
me,“ohshutup,goshower.”
Hi
m:Forwhat
?
Me:
Arey
our
eal
l
ynotgoi
ngt
oshower
?
Hi
m:Idon’
tseet
her
eason.
Me;
Whati
fthi
stakesday
s?
Hi
m:Ev
enbet
ter
.
Me:
Fucky
ou’
resi
ck.

Weputupadonotdi stur
baswel eftt
hehot elr
oom
anddownt othehotelparkingandgoti nt
oourhired
care.Helookedatme,“arey ousureyouwantt odo
thi
s?”Igavehim adeadst are,
“you’
rejoki
ngr i
ght?”
heputhishandsupasasi gntosurrender,“
whereis
she?”
Hi
m:I
nherbedr
oom.
Me:
Issheal
one?
Hi
m:Seemsl
i
kei
t.
Me:
I’
m goi
ngi
nthr
ought
heback.
Hi
m:Noshi
they
,cantexact
lygot
hrought
hef
ront
.

Igavehim apunchandputonmyearpiece;
Itooka
deepbreathandgotoutt
hecar
.Iwalkedthrough
thebushed,t
hetrai
lwasnowcover
edupandI
couldn’tmakeouti fIwasgoi ngi nther i
ghtdi rect
ion.
Iwalkedf orawhi l
eunt i
lIgott ot hefence, andj ust
l
ikewewer ekidst her ewasahol et hatdadst i
ll
hadn’tfixed.Ilaughedt omy self
; Idon’tknowhow
manyt i
mesIusedt hi st
osneaki nandoutoft he
house.Iwasal otbi ggernowandf i
tt
ingi njust
wasn’ taseasy .Iranacr osst helawnandopenedt he
secretpassagel eadi ngtot hemai nhouseandgot
i
nt othebasement .“ I’
mi n.”Irepor t
edback, “Ican
see,andshe’ sst il
linbed. ”Iwentupt hest air
sand
i
nt othel aundryr oom.Ev eryt
hingwasamess, what
wast hisl adydoi ng?Iaskedmy self,Imademyway
toherbedr oom andf oundhersoundasl eep, wi t
h
notev enacar e.Isetupev ery t
hingandt hesunwas
start
ingt ocomeup.

Isatonthebedwithmylegscrossedli
keapre
schoolchi
ld,
hol
dingheral
arm cl
ock.Isett
heti
me,
soitwouldgoof
fi nt
henextminute.
Thealarmr angandshet ossedaroundandreached
forhersi
det abl
e.Shedidn’tfeel
itbutcoul
dhearit
.
Sheremov edhersleepi
ngey emaskandl ooked
wher ethealar
m wascomingfr
om.Shegotsucha
fri
ghtwhenherey esl
andedonmeandshealmost
fell
offthebed.Shestoodupandgr
abbedhergun
from thedrawerandpoint
edi
tatme,“
whatareyou
doinghere?”
Me:
Thi
sismyf
ather
’shouse,
youf
orgett
ooqui
ckl
y.
Her
:Getthefuckoutofmyhouseorel
seIwi
l
lpul
l
t
hetri
gger.
Me:
andwhatki
l
lme?
Her
:Abebi
IswearIwi
l
ldoi
t.
Me:Soy
ouwer
ebei
ngseri
ousaboutki
l
li
ngme
al
ongwi
thmymot
her?It
houghty
ouwerejoki
ng.

Ilaughedoutl oud,“
Wow, y
ourunbel i
evable!You
wouldt akeitthatf
ar?”shepul l
edthetrigger,not
hing.
Shekeptpul li
ngandpul l
ing…“ y
ouwer esupposedt o
runbuty outhoughtIwasbl uffi
ng.”Shedr oppedto
herknees, “
Abebi I
’m sor
ry.”Isatontheedgeofmy
chairwithmyl egsdangli
ngf acingthechairIhad
positi
onedf orher,
“getupy oulookpat heti
c,takea
seat
.”
Shesatdownandwewer enowfacetoface,“
Iwont
evenaskwhy ,
you’r
eagr eedybi
tchthatIknow.Now,
youpoisonedmymot herandshef el
lsi
ck,andyou
execut
edmyf ather
…sowhatdoy ouchoose?”
Her
:What
?Abebi
wecant
alkaboutt
his.
Me:
didy
ouaskmymot
hert
hat
?
Her
:Abebi
,wecancomet
oanagr
eement
.
Me:
I’
mli
steni
ng.
Her
:Namey
ourpr
ice.
Me:
Money
?Ihav
epl
ent
yofi
t.
Her
:Any
thi
ngy
ouwant
.
Me:
Ali
fef
oral
i
fe.
Her
:Abebi
Ibegofy
ou.

Myphoner ang,“what?”Ishouted,“Youneedtoget
outofther
e,theyknowy ou’
reinthere.
”Hecutthe
cal
l,“
fuck,
you’relucky
, Igottogo.”Sheclosedher
eyesandsi
ghedofrel
i
ef,“
byeAhunna.
”Sheopened
hereyeimmedi
atel
yasshefel
tthecol
dmetalonher
for
ehead.“
hụgịnahel
.”
Ipull
edt het r
iggerandgotmybagpackandr anto
thebasementf ormyescape.Iusedt het r
apdoor
andwentt owher ewewer eparked; myadr enali
n
waspumpi ng, “
FUCK!GO! ”Hespedof fandI
dir
ectedhi mt oAki n’spanelshop.Wepar kedthecar,
coveredi tandt hent ookanotherone.“ You’ r
ecutout
forthi
s. ”Ilookedathi m, “
no,I’
mj ustsmar tand
angry.”Hechuckl ed,“i
t’
siny ourbl ood. ”Wegott o
thehot el;Ishower edandgotdr essed…“ Makei t
snappy ,thej etisal mostready.”Heshout edfrom
thelounge, Icameoutonapai rofj ogger sanda
vestwi thadi dassl opsandwhi tesocks.Icar ri
edmy
bagpackwhi l
ehecar ri
edtheduf flebagand
wheeledt hesui tcase.Myphoner angj ustaswegot
totheai rpor t
,Isteppedoutoft hecarandanswer ed
whilewal ki
ngt ot hejet,“
UncleP. ”
Hi
m:Wher
ear
eyou?
Me: Uhm,l
ist
en,changeofpl
ans.Il
eftsomet
hingi
n
yourshopIneedyout ot
akecareofi
t.
Hi
m:Babywher
ear
eyou.
Me:
Goi
ngbackt
oSA.
Hi
m:Don-
Me:
I’
ll
seey
ounextt
ime.
Hi
m:Abebi
,l
ist
entome.don’
tboar
dthatj
et.Gett
o
t
heai
rpor
tI’
l
lgetminer
eady.

Iwaswalki
ngupt hestai
rs,“
don’tworry
,I’
l
ltalkt
o
youwhenIl and.
”Icutthecallashewast ryi
ngto
saysomething.Isteppedontothejetandhad3
gunspoi
ntingatme, “
Mrs.Keenan!.
”

Fuck,“don’tbescared,comeher e.”Idi
dn’tmoveand
thenonguyshov edmet owardsRamzi ,
“Gentl
e!!
”He
snapped.Hebr ushedmyf aceandbef orehecould
speak,“I
’m sohungr yIhope…”Hef r
oze,andhet ook
adeepbr eath.Beforehecoulddr awhisweaponon
oftheguy sshothimi nthechestandst omach.He
didn’
tmakeasoundbutbl edoutont hefloor
.Ilet
outaloudscr eam, “
wellgethim outsowecango. ”
Ramzii
nst
ructedoneofhismen.Theguyjustki
cked
hi
sbodyoutthejetandherol
leddownthestai
rs
bef
oret
heyclosedandwet ookoff
.

Iwascry
inghyst
eri
cal
ly,andscreaming.Ramzikept
tel
l
ingmehewon’thurtme, andtry
ingtocalm me
downbutitdi
dn’
twork.ThenextthingIfel
taneedle
i
nmyar m andIwasout.
[
11/
23,
18:
14]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode132

Iwokeupi nar oom, onabedandIwasst i

lli
nmy
clothesbutmyshoeswer eoff.Itri
edt ostandbutI
feltdizzy,
andIsatbackdown.Myheadwas
poundi ngandIf el
textremelyhungr y.Ilooked
aroundt her oom;therewasgol dandwhi te
everywher e.Andthent hedooropenedandt wo
younggi rl
swal kedin,Iwasconf used, “
Wher eam I
?”
Iaskedt hem, “att
hepal ace,
”oneoft hem answer
ed.
Pal
acewhat?It
houghttomy sel
f,oneofthegir
ls
wal
kedint
oadoorandIhear dwaterrunni
ng.The
gi
rli
nther
oom int
roducedhersel
f,“I
’
m Lil
ly
,and
t
hat
’sCassi
a.We’
reher
etohel
pyougetr
eady
.”
Me:
Readyf
or?
Li
l
ly:
Forsupper
.
Me:
Wher
eam I
?
Li
l
y:Att
hepal
ace.
Me:
Count
ry?
Her
:Oh,
Egy
pt.
Me:
What
?

Shegi
ggl
edinacutewaythatmademesoangr
y,
“howl
onghaveIbeenher
e?”
Li
l
y:Justal
most2f
ull
day
s.
Me:
Whosepal
aceam Ii
n?
Li
l
y:Ki
ngAssam.
Me:
Ineedt
ogetoutofher
e,wher
eismyphone?
Li
ll
y:Youneedt
obat
handgetr
eadyf
orsupper
,you
can’
tleav
e.
Me:
Whynot
.
Cassi
a:Becausenobodyl
eav
es.
Me:
What
?
Cassi
a:Gi
vei
tti
mey
ouwi
l
lunder
stand.
Me:Idon’
twantt
ounder
stand,
Iwantt
ogohomet
o
mychil
dren!
!

Lil
ygotaf r i
ghtandsheal mostj umpedabi t
,
“ssshh…keepi tdown. ”Cassi awhi speredwal king
backi ntot her oom, “
Theywi llheary ou.”Ilookedat
herblankl y;shel i
ft
edhert opandt urnedar ound.I
gotashock, whatt hefuck! !Shet urnedbackar ound,
“nowpl ease,y ouneedt obat handgetr eadyf or
supper .”Igotup, “Ineedwat er.”Theyl edmet ot he
bathroom andi tlookedl uxur i
ous, Itookmycl othes
ofandgoti ntot hebat h,l
il
ypour edmej uiceandshe
broughtsomef ruit
.Itookt hegl assf rom herand
downedi tal l
atonceandt hensi gnaledf oranot her
one.Shewentt opourandIat et hegr apesand
cheeseandf ruitthatwer eof f
eredt omewhi l
ethe
girl
scl eanedmeupandIwasst arti
ngt ofeelal ot
better.Afterthebat htheytookmet other oom and
didmyhai rintoaGr eekgoddesshai rstyl
e.Ther e
wasadr essont hebed, al
ongwhi teflowydr ess;
“under wear ?
”li
lyshookherhead, “
what ?Idon’ tgeta
panty? ”Sheshookherheadagai n,Isatont hebed
andf oldedmyar ms, t
hisissuchbul l
shit.Iwasj ust
aboutt osaysomet hingandt herewasknocki ngat
thedoor ,Cassiawentt ocheck.Shespokewi th
someonef orawhi l
eandt hencameback, “t
heki ng
i
swai t
ingandr equestsyouhur r
ybecausehe’ s
hungr y.”

Whatwasgoi ngon?If eltl

ikecrying.Iwor ethe
dress;i
thuggedmywai standbr east.Therewer e
twoslit
sonei thersideofthedr essandmyt hi
ngs
wererevealedeacht imeIt ookast ri
de.Lilyput
somef l
ower sinmyhai randal ittl
ebitofl i
psti
ck.
Cassiawalkedouti nfront,Ifol
l
owedherandl il
y
walkedbehindme.Wewal keddownt heancient
passagesandt owhatseemedl ikeanot herwingof
thi
spalaceandi twasmor emoder n.
Iwasl
edi
ntoadi
ninghal
landt
her
ewer
elongt
abl
es,
seatedwi thgirl
sdr essedli
keme, theyweredr i
nking
wine.Ther ewer eov erahundredgirl
s,Cassiadidn’t
stop,andshecont inuedtowal kr
ighttothefrontof
thehal l
.Shewal kedupabout5st epsandIst ood
anddi dn’tmov e.Ther oom becamesi l
entand
everyonel ookedatme, Li
lypokedmyass.Iwas
angryandt henIwal kedupandwasl edtoaseatf or
aqueenandt heking’schairwasempt y.

Isatdownatt hetable,Lil
yandCassi astoodbehi nd
myhi ghchai rwhil
eanot herladypour edmeagl ass
ofwi ne.Myhear twasbeat ingsof ast ,t
hedoort o
myl eftopenedandev eryonestoodupandt herehe
waswi ththebiggestgrinonhi sface.Hewal kedup
thest ai
rsandsatnextt omesi gnali
ngf orev eryone
tositdown.Hehel dmyhandandIf roze,Iwant edto
cryoutl oudbutIwasn’ tgoingtogi vehi mthe
sati
sf acti
on,“wemeetagai nMr s.Khwaza. ”Hesai d
beforeki ssi
ngmycheek.Iwassof urious,It
r i
edt o
mov emyhandf r
om hi sgri
pandhet i
ghtenedi t
,
“whatdoy ouwantf rom me? ”Hej ustlaughed, “Your
husbandhassomet hingthatIwant .”Ithought
quickl
y,“
andhowwi
l
lkeepi
ngmeher
ehel
pgeti
t
back?”
Hi
m: I
tmightnot,buthavi
ngy ou…Icanmakedoubl
e
whathet
ook;ifnottrebl
e,quadrupl
e,qui
ntupl
e…
Me:
Hecanpayy
oubackt
hemoney
.
Hi
m:Andmyr
eput
ati
on?
Me:
Hewi
l
lcomef
ory
ou.
Hi
m:Fr
om behi
ndhi
slapt
op…haha.You’
ref
unny
.

Ifel
tli
kecrying,“Eatup,wehav eabigday
tomorrow.”Ididn’tf
eelhungry.Ipl
ayedaroundwi
th
myf ood,andhekeptl ookingatme, “
youneedtoeat.
Don’tbewor ri
edIwon’ thurty
ou, y
ou’r
esafeher
e.”

Itookagul pofmywi nel

ooki
ngar oundt hinkingof
howt oescape,i
fThandowasi nthissituationshe
woul dknowwhatt odo.“
Don’tev
ent hi
nkabouti t
princess!
”Iturnedt ol
ookathim,andt heni tcame
backt ome, thejet…ohmygoshI ce!!Myhear t
startedbeati
ngf astandmyfacegothot ,hekill
ed
Ice!!Iswallowedmydr inkandsmi l
edathimt r
ying
sohar dnottocry.Icutsomechi ckenand
veget ablesandIstartedeatingmyf ood.Honestlyit
tastedgr eatbutmymi ndwasn’tthere.Thi
swoul dn’t
havehappenedi fIdidn’taskIcetocomewi thmet o
Niger i
ahewasn’ tgoingt odie.“
CanIbeexcused? ”
Ramz ilookedatme, “thepartyi
sjustabouttobegi n”
Iletoutasi gh,“f
ini
shup. ”

Iateallmyfoodjustt
omakehim happyandIdr
ank
mywi ne.Aft
erthatwewenti
ntoanotherr
oom,
apparentl
ythi
siswheret
herealpar
tywas
happening.

*
***
***
***
***
***Keenan*
***
***
***
***
***
*

Abebiwassti
ll
notpicki
ngupherphone, andIwas
nowgetti
ngworri
ed.Ity
pedf r
anti
callyatthe
computerandherchi
phasbeeni nactiveforovera
monthnow.Shit,
Ihadn’
treacti
vatedit.Therewere
norecor
dsofherleavi
ngSouthAf ri
ca,oreven
l
andinginNi
geri
a,Iwasinmyst udynowIwas
getti
ngfr
ust
rat
ed.Igotupandpour edmyselfadri
nk
andthedoorfl
ewopen.Shit
,“whereisshe?”It
urned
aroundandl
ookedatAkin,
“excuseme? ”hewas
angry.
Hi
m:Hav
eyout
rackedher
?
Me:
No.
Hi
m:Andwhenwer
eyougoi
ngt
otel
lme?
Me:
She’
smywi
feandI
’
m wor
kingoni
t.
Hi
m:Soy
oudon’
tknowwher
eshei
s?
Me:ThelastIcheckedshewasheadi
ngt
oNi
ger
ia,
butIhav
emyment her
e.
Hi
m:Wai
t,y
oudi
dn’
tspeakt
oherwhenshel
anded?

Iscr
atchedmyhead,Ihadbeennegl
ect
ingmywife
andIhonest
lydi
dn’
tknowwhatwashappening.
“no…butwhen….
”
Hi
m:andt
hemanshewaswi
th?
Me:
Whatman?
Him:Whatt
hefuckdoy
oumean?Thebody
guar
d
yougotf
orher
!
Me:
Idi
dn’
tgetherabodyguar
d.

Hel etoutasi gh,“whatexact lyareyousay ingto

me? ”hesai dsocal ml yandsatdowni noneoft he
chairs, “
y oumeanMYBabywasi nNiger i
awi tha
mant haty oudon’ tknow? ”hewashuf fing, “
what
wer ey oubusydoi ngt haty ou?Youl ethergot o
Nigeriawi t
hamany oudon’ tknow?Doy ouknow
whatshewasdoi ngi nNi ger i
a?”Itookagul pofmy
drinkandl ookedupast earsf il
l
edmyey es,“no.”he
stoodupandbangedt hetable, “
NO? ”hewal kedov er
tomeandgr abbedmebyt hecol l
arandsl ammed
meagai nstt hewal l
,“andt hisi syourwi fe?”Ididn’t
sayany thingtohim; “ifRamz ihurtsevenast randof
haironher ,Iwil
lcuty ourbal l
sandf eedt hem to
you.”hel etmegoandwal kedout ,Ithrewmygl ass
againstt hewal landi tshat teredintopieces.I
droppedt ot hegroundandwai l
edtomy sel f
.
.
.
.
.
.
I
'
m sor
ryi
t'
sshor
twi
l
lpostagai
ntoni
ght
.
[
11/
23,
18:
15]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode133

I
thasbeenaweeknowandIwasabl etotrackAbebi
downinEgy pt,butIwasstil
lwatchi
ngfrom a
di
stance.Buttherewasst i
ll
nosignofLusanda; I
washitt
ingawal leveryti
meIhadal eadonher .My
phonerang,“Tellmey ouhavegoodnews.”Ipleaded,
“y
es,allt
hegirl
sar elegal
…”
Me:
But
?
Hi
m:Theyar
est
il
lchar
gingy
ou.
Me:
What
?Ihandedmy
sel
fov
er!
Hi
m:Someonewant
syout
osuf
fer
.
Me:
Isi
thi
m?
Him:Coul
dbe,
butIdon’
tseewhybecausehehas
Abebi
.
Me:
Whoel
seknowsaboutt
his?
Hi
m:(
sigh)Icantbet
oosur
e.
Me:
Coul
dIgetj
ail
time?
Hi
m:I
tispossi
ble…butwe’
rest
il
lwor
kingoni
t.
Me:Alr
ightkeepmepost
ed,
I’
mleav
ingf
orEgy
pti
n
acoupl
eofday s.
Hi
m:Idon’
tthi
nkt
rav
ell
i
ngwoul
dbesuchagr
eat
i
dea.
Me:
Hehasmywi f
e,andifhet
hinkshewil
lkeepme
i
nSAthenhehassomethi
ngel
secomi ngf
orhim.

Idi
dn’twaitforhimt osayany t
hingIj ustcutthecal
l.
Imadeanewcal l,“
yeah,any t
hing?”Ilist
ened
i
ntensiv
ely
, “
Shei sthere,
Iknowshei s…Hewont
hurtAbebi
…t elly
ourment olookhar der,i
fIdon’t
fi
ndhernowI ’
velostherforever.
”Af terendingthe
cal
lIsatbackdownandt
ypedaway
.

*
***
***
***
***
**Abebi
***
***
***
***
*

“We’r
eleav i
ngatmi dday.
”Ramzi saidtomeaswe
werehav i
ngbr eakfast.Iwasboredoft his;
Ijust
wantedhimt oendmeort otakemebackhome.I
star
edathi m blankly,“
didyouhearme? ”Irol
ledmy
eye,“
wher earewegoi ng?”hetookasi pofhi s
coff
ee,“Ithoughty ou’dneverask,I
taly
!We’ regoi
ng
toIt
aly.
”Ilookedupathi m,“oh,Igotyourat t
enti
on.
”
Me:
Whatar
ewegoi
ngt
odoi
nIt
aly
?
Him:Andshespeaks.We’regoi
ngt
ogetmymoney
backfr
om yourhusband.
Me:
I’
m goi
nghome?
Hi
m:Haha;
yes,
homewi
tht
hehi
ghestbi
dder
.
Me:
What
?

Hedi
dn’
tanswerme;
hej
ustat
ether
estoft
he
breakf
ast
,“I
’
llsendt hegirl
stopackforyou.”He
stoodupandwal kedoutoft hedini
nghall
.Whatthe
fuckwashappening, he’
stradingme.Ist
oodupand
mademywayt omybedr oom andclosedthedoor
behindmeadIcr iedoutloud!!Whyisthi
shappening
tome?

Wewer einacar ;It

hinkwear egoi ngt otheair
port.I
hadabadf eeli
ngaboutt histri
p,Idon’tknowwhy
butsomethingwasn’tright.Wepul ledupatahar bor,
Il
ookedatRamzi confused,“don’tlooksoexcited,
”
hesaidsarcasti
call
yandl aughed, “
y ouwilll
oveit
here,
andhopef ul
lybyt hetimewer eachItal
ywe
wouldhavealreadyfoundabuy erfory ou.”
Tearsthr
eatenedmyey esatt
hethoughtt
hatIwould
neverseemychi l
drenagai
n;f
uckKeenanforget
ti
ng
mei nt
othisfucki
ngmess!!
Thecarpar
kedandoneoft heguar
dsopenedthe
doorf
orme,IsteppedoutandRamzicamet omy
si
deandputhisarm ar
oundme.Icouldn’
trun,
the
guar
dswereallarmedandIwouldgetshotonthe
spot.Wewal kedt owardsthegor geouscr ui
sel i
ner
,I
l
ookedatRamzi ;“onlyt
hebestf ory ouMr s.K.”We
walkedtotheent rance,t
herewasal i
neandi twas
couplesmainly.Ev er
yonewasl eavingt hei
rgadgets
andphoneswi tht heguards,“
yousee, theycomeas
theyare.Justincasesomeonet r
iest onotif
yt he
authori
ti
es.”
Me:
Howmanyguest
s?
Hi
m:ov
er5000.
Me:
andt
heyar
eal
lher
etobuy
?
Hi
m:no,
thi
spl
acehassomanyact
ivi
ti
es.Ther
e’s
ev
enacasi
noi
nsi
de.
Me:
Butwhati ft
heysneaki
nthei
rdev
icest
hrough
t
hei
rluggage?
Him:Thei
rluggagear
ri
vedaweekago,i
t’
sbeen
sear
chedandputinevery
one’
sroom.
Me:
Organi
zed.
Hi
m:Tot
het
ee.
Me:
Unwant
edguest
?
Hi
m:Ev
ery
oneget
svet
ted.
Me:
Eveny
ourst
aff
?
Hi
m:Especi
all
ythest
aff
.
Me:Wheredoyouf
indal
lthesepeopl
ewhoshar
e
t
hisi
nter
est?
Hi
m:youdon’tworr
yaboutt
hat
,al
lyouneedto
wor
ryabouti
slooki
nggoodonthel
astni
ghtand
maki
ngmeal otofmoney.
Me:
Andhowl
ongwi
l
lwebeont
hecr
uise?
Hi
m:10day
s.

Ical
cul at
edinmymi ndandjustthoughtofhowl ong
I’
vebeenawayf rom homeandhowmuchl ongerI
havetowai ttoseemyf amil
y.That’
sifIwillev
erget
toseemyf amily
, hel
edmei ntothelinerandtomy
bedroom.Ther ewer etwoguardsstationedatthe
door,“
Thesear ey ourbodyguards,theywill
bewi t
h
youev erywhereyougo, i
fI’
m notthere.”
Me:isthatr
eall
ynecessar
y,t
her
earenodev i
cesor
weaponsont heboat
,whowouldtr
ythei
rluck?
Hi
m:Whoknows, someonemightwantt
ot ast
ethe
pi
ebef
orebuy
ing.Oryoumightthi
nkaboutjumpi
ng.

Wast hi
sguyser i
ous?“Makesperfectsense,
”Isaid
sarcast
ical
ly
,“Lil
yandCassiawil
lbeher etohelpyou
getreadyfortoni
ght.Al
lyourcl
othesareinthere,
if
youneedany thi
ngthesepit
-bul
l
swi l
lhelpyou.”
Me:
Any
thi
ng?
Hi
m:YouknowwhatImeandon’
tactsmar
twi
thme.

Iwentinsideandl ayonthebed,Idon’
tknowhowI
wil
lgetoutoft hisone.Imusthavefall
enasleep
becauseIwokeupandwewer emov ing.Ichecked
theti
meandi twas4pm.Iopenedmydoorandmy
‘
pit-
bull
s’standingwhereIhadleftt
hem.
Pi
t-
bul
l1:
Canwehel
pyouma’
am?
Me:Yes,canIgetabot
tl
eofchampagneandasl
i
ce
ofchocol
atecake.
Pi
t-
bul
l1:
Wil
lthatbeal
l
?
Me:
Yeah.

30mi nut
eslaterther
ewasaknockatt hedoorandI
openedtofindLill
yandCassiawithmychampagne
andcake,aswel lasgarmentbag.Il
ett
hem inand
star
tedopeningthebottl
e,Ipour
edaglass,“
so
what’shappeningtoni
ght?
”IaskedasIputaf or
kful
l
ofcakeinmymout h.
Li
l
y:I
ntr
oduct
ion.
Me:
Oh,
that
’sexci
ti
ng…sowhathappens?
Cassia:Heparadesy
ouar
oundt
her
oom f
or
potenti
albuy
ers.
Me:
Nice,
soIdr
essupf
ancyandpl
ayni
ce?
Cassi
a:Pr
ett
ymuch.
Me:
andhowdoy
ouguy
sknowal
loft
his?
Li
l
y:Wedoi
tforal
lthegi
rl
sthatcome.
Me:Andwhydon’
tyouguy
sgetbought
?Sol
d?Bi
d…
ohwhatev
er,
youknowwhatImean.
Lil
l
ylookeddown,“becausewear
en’
tpr
ett
y
enough.”Ial
mostchokedonmychampagne,
“what?
”
Cassi
a:We’
redamaged,
sonobodywant
sus.
Me:
Doy
ouwantsomeonet
owanty
ou?
Li
l
y:I
twoul
dbeni
ce.
Me:
Tobel
ongt
osomeoneel
se?Tobeapossessi
on.
Li
l
y:I
twoul
dbebet
tert
hant
his.
Me:
Youseem l
i
keav
erysweetgi
rl
,butst
upi
d.
Li
l
y:What
?
Me:Doy ounotwanttobefree?Tofal
li
nloveand
haveafamil
ywiththemany ouwant?Doyounot
wanttohavefr
iends?Doyouwanttoconstant
lybe
tol
dwhereyoucango, whentoeatandsl
eep?

Shejustgotoffherkneesandwal kedintomy
bathr
oom, “
thatwasmean. ”IlookedupatCassia,
“wasitreal
l
y?”shenodded, “
Lilyi
sstil
lyoung,
she
doesn’
tunderstand.
”
Me:
Thenwhyar
en’
tyoumaki
ngherunder
stand?
Cassi
a:Shewantstoweart
hef
ancydr
essesand
dr
inkexpensi
vewine.
Me:
Igi
veup,
what
’si
nthebag?

Cassiaopenedupthebagandt ookoutal
ongr
ed
dressandlaidi
tonthebed,“
doy ouwantt
oweart
he
fancydresses.
”Sheshookherhead.
Me:
Ify
ougotachancet
oleav
ewoul
dyou?
Her
:Andhewoul
dn’
tfi
ndme?
Me:
Yeah.
Her
:Inahear
tbeat
.
Me:
whatwoul
dyoudoi
fyoul
eftt
hispl
ace?
Her
:Iwasadancer
.
Me:
Whatst
yle.
Her
:Cont
empor
aryandbal
l
et.
Me:
Andhowdi
dyouendupher
e?
Wewer eint
err
uptedbyLi l
y,“
yourwat eri
sr eady.”I
l
ookedatCassi aandshet urnedandst art
edt aking
outmakeup.Iwentt obathandIcameback, they
dressedmeandmademeal lpret
ty.Thedr esshada
plungingneckl
ineandt i
ghtaroundthehips.Li l
y
l
ookedatmeandsmi led,“
youlookbeaut i
ful.”Itook
asi pofmychampagneandi gnoredher ,
shecan’ t
possiblybeseri
ous,howcananysaneper sonwant
this?

Al i
ttl
elaterRamzi camet of etchme, “youl ook
amazing.”Iroll
edmyey esathi m, “comet herei s
someoneIwanty outomeet ,he’sagr eatpot ential
.”
Fuckthatwast ooqui ck…It houghtIst il
l hadunt i
lwe
gettoItalytoplananescape.Wewal kedi ntoabi g
di
ninghal l
,everyonewasdr essedupandmi ngling
wit
hadr i
nkintheirhand.Awai tresscamebyandI
gotagl assofchampagneandt ookasi p, “somuch
tr
oubley ouwentt hrough.”Hej ustlaughed, “You
havetospendmoneyt omakemoney .”Ididn’ tsay
anythi
ngIj ustl
etoutal it
tle‘hmm’ andt ookasi pof
mydr i
nk.hehel dmet i
ghtandcl osetohi m aswe
madeourwayacr
osstheroom, “
Beast!
!”Heshouted,
andatal
ldar
kmanturnedaroundandlookedhis
way.Hesmil
edawkwardl
y,l
ordno!thi
scantbe…no!
Beast
:howar
eyouRamz?
Ramz
i:Gr
eathowar
eyou?
Beast
:nev
erbeenbet
ter
,andwhoi
sthel
ovel
ylady
?
Ramz
i:Abebi
,rememberIpr
omi
sedy
out
hebest
.
Beast
:Yousur
ehav
eout
doney
our
sel
fthi
sti
me.
Howmuch?
Ramz
i:y
ou’
l
lfi
ndoutwhenatt
hegal
adi
nner
.
Beast
:Comeon,
youknowI
’
m goodf
ori
t.
Voi
ce:
Goodf
orwhat
?

Ramziturnedaround,Igotthebiggestshockofmy
l
if
e.Atallmanst oodbeforeus,helookedme
st
rai
ghtintheey esandIcouldn’
tkeept hegazeand
Il
ookedaway ,“
Beasty ouaren’
ttheonlyonewith
moneyy ouknow. ”
Beast
:Andy
ouar
e?
Ramz
i:Youhav
en’
tmetChar
li
e?Heact
ual
l
ymi
ght
gi
vey
ouar unf
ory
ourmoney.
Char
li
e:Wi
l
l…Iwi
l
lgi
vehi
m ar
unf
orhi
smoney
…
Beast
:We’
l
lseeaboutt
hat
,thi
sbl
ackbeaut
yis
goi
nghomewithme.

Wasthisconv
ersat
ionhappeni
ng,
rightnow…r
ighti
n
f
rontofme?Whatthefuck!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ful
lEPI
SODE!
!
Enj
oy
[
11/
23,
18:
15]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode134
(
Thi
sisf
oral
lmyl
oyal
reader
s..
.thanky
ouguy
s)

Itriedtowal kawaybutRamzi grabbedme, “wher e

doy outhinkyouar egoi ng?
”Ilookedathi m,"r
eally?I
needadr ink,theladiesandIhav etohav ea
cigar et
te…i sthattoomucht oask?”Iwasf eel
ing
l
ikecr y
ing,screami ngandkicking…Ineededf r
esh
air.Ramzi si
gnaledf oroneoftheguar dstoescor t
meandhepul ledmecl oser,“
don’truntoofar,there
aremanymor et omeet .”Hewhi speredinmyear .Oh
godwhyme? ?
Hel etmegoandt heguar dwalkedbehi ndme, Iwent
i
nt othebat hr
oom andhewenti n,“ar
ey oubeing
serious?”hedidn’tanswermebutcheckedal lthe
stall
s,“getout!
”hei nst r
uctedawomanwhowasi n
thebat hroom.Atthi spointinti
meIr eallydi
dn’tcare,
whent hebat hroom wasempt yhel ookedatme, “
are
yougoi ngt owatchmego? ”Iaskedhim, heshook
hishead, “I
’l
lbeout side.
”Itookinadeepbr eathe
andl etitoutsl
owl yandt hetearsjustrandownmy
cheeks.Af t
ersomet i
meIcomposedmy self
…I
fi
nishedmybusi nessandfixedmyf aceup, whenI
steppedoutt hebodyguar dwast herewaiti
ngf orme,
“Ineedadr inkandci gar
ett
es,cany ouhelpmewi t
h
that?”Henodded, “
come.”Ifol
lowedhim andwe
wenti ntoasidedoorandi twasl i
keanof f
ice,ora
studyr at
her.“doesRamzi ownt hi
scrui
sel i
ner?”
Hi
m:Yeah.
Me:
Andhowof
tendoesanev
entl
i
ket
hishappen?
Hi
m:Mont
hly
.
Me:
What
?
Hi
m:What
?

Hewal kedov ertothefri

dgeandgotmechampagne
andpour edmeagl assthenhandedi ttome.He
openedawi ndowandt henhandedmeaboxof
cigar
ettesandal ight
er,“Thanks.”Hethenstoodby
thedoorwat chingmesmoke, Il
i
tasecondone.He
touchedhisear ,“
…inthest udyboss…y esboss.”He
l
ookedupatme, “youneedt ohurryRamzi needsyou
back.”Itookasi pandf ini
shedmyci garett
eandwas
l
edbackt othehal landev er
yonewasnowseat ed
andlisteningt osomemanspeaki ngandwel coming
everyoneont heshi p.IwasledtositnexttoRamzi
andheki ssedmycheekt henwhispered,“Whattook
yousol ong? ”Ididn’tbotherrespondi
ng, Il
ooked
aroundourt abl eChar l
ieandBeastwer esitt
ingwith
us,alongwi tht woot hermenIdi dn’
trecognizeand
thei
rf emalepar tners.Thenightwentonandonand
peopleat eanddr ank.

Ramz iwal
kedmet omyr oom at2am, hestoppedat
thedoor;“
youdidgr eatoutthere,
tomor r
owy ouget
abreakandenjoyt her i
de.I’
ll
seey ouatbreakfast
andthentherestoft hedayy ouhav etoyoursel
f.”I
gavehim asmile,“thanks,goodnight.
”Iclosedthe
doorandlockedi t
.Igotoutofmydr essandi nt
ot he
bath,
Ichangedi ntomypaj amasandsl ept.

Thenextcoupl
eofdayswerethesamet hi
ng,
breakf
ast
,chi
ll
i
ngatthepoolorthecasi
noandthen
i
nt henightIhadt odr essupandgoi mpress.We
wer earri
v i
nginItalythenextdayandIhadgi venup
allhopeofbei ngr escued…Iwokeupat5am and
askedoneoft heguar dstogetmebr eakfasti
nmy
room, aftereati
ngIgotbacki ntothecov ersandj ust
l
ayt here.Iheardt hedooropenandIpr et
endedt obe
asleep,“wakeuppr incess.”Ididn’tanswerhi m,“it’
s
suchabeaut if
uldayout si
de, youwantt oseet his.”I
fel
thi m sitonthebed, “Abebiwhat ’
swr ong?”I
sniffed,“Ij
ustwantt obeal one.”
Him:butever
yoneislooki
ngfor
war
dtoseei
ngy
ou
outt
heretodayfort
helastti
me.
Me:Exact
ly,
Ijustwantt
obealonefort
helastday
andenj
oymyl astbi
toffr
eedom i
npeace.
Him:Thati
srubbish,you’
reacti
ngl
i
keaspoi l
tbr
at.I
havedonenothi
ngt oharmy ou,
ori
ll
-t
reaty
ouand
thi
sishowyourepayme?

Hewasnowshout i
ngandIdidn’
tcareany
more
becausethi
swasjustt
heend.Ii
gnoredhi
m and
coveredmyheadwitht
hecoverwhichheri
ppedof
f
mybody ,
“getoutofbedt hi
sinst
antandgetready
…I
don’
twanttor epeatmyself
.”Idi
dn’
tmov e,
“Abebi
!!
”I
snappedbackathi m,“
What ??Whatwil
lyoudo?wil
l
youkil
lme,pleasedoitnow! !
”

Hest oodupandpul l
edmeof ft hebed, andf or ced
met ost andupf acinghim, “
yourbehav ioris
unaccept abl e…Iwi llnottolerat eit; Ileftmy
grandchi l
drenathome.Iwi llnotdeal witht his; y ou
willgooutt hereandgetmemymoney .Youseem t o
forgett hatt hisisy ourhusband’ sf ault!Idi dn’ task
forthi s,soy ouwi l
lactaccor dinglyandpayf ory our
husband’ ssi ns!”Ilookedathi m, “I’
v epl ayedmypar t,
andI ’mt ired…Iwi llcomeoutt oni ght .
”Nextt hi nghe
slappedmesohar dandIf el
l t
ot hef l
oor ,“youwi l
l
bathandcomeoutbef or
eIdosomet hingwor se
thant hat …onehour !”hesai d,“ Youshoul dn’ thav e
donet hat!!”hel ookeddownatme, “haha, whatar e
yougoi ngt odo?Mxm, getupandgetcl eanbef oreI
getr eallymad! ”Hesai dt
hatwal kingoutand
bangi ngt hedoorbehi ndhi m.Isatont hef loor
holdingmycheekandcr ying, thent hedooropened
agai
nandLi l
lyandCassiawalkedin.Cassiaknel
tin
fr
ontofme, “l
etmesee.”Ihesit
antl
yr emovedmy
handtoshowhermycheek, “
weneedt ogetsome
i
ceont hat.
”Shet ol
doneoftheguardst obri
ngan
i
cebucketandshemademybedwhi lewewaited.
Nobodyspoke, sheputt
heiceinacl othandhanded
i
ttome, Iputitonmycheekandj ustsatther
e.
Cassi
a:y
ouknowyouhav
etogooutt
her
eorel
sehe
wil
ldoworset
oyou
Me:whatwor
secanhedo?He’
salr
eadyt
akenmy
l
if
e,Ihav
enothi
ngel
set
oliv
efor
.
Cassi
a:soy
ou’
rej
ustgoi
ngt
ogi
veup?
?
Me:
I’
m hopel
essher
e…whatel
sei
sther
etoDo?
Her
:wi
l
lyoubeont
hisboatf
orev
er?
Me:I’
m goingt
obesol
dtosomemanwhoWi l
l
pr
obablyrapemeni
ghtaf
terni
ght
…what
’st
hepoi
nt
i
nfight
ing?
Her:foryourhusbandandchi
l
dr en.Weren’ty
outhe
onetell
ingLil
yaboutfr
eedom?Whathappenedt o
thatspeech?Just1weekandy ou’real
readygiv
ing
up?
?
Me:
wel
ll
ookatt
hepotcal
l
ingt
heket
tl
ebl
ack.
Her
:don’
tspeakofwhaty
oudon’
tknow.
Me:
you’
redoi
ngt
heexactsamet
hingt
ome.
Her:
didy
ourpar
entsselly
ousot heycanmake
somemoneytofeedyouryoungersi
ster
s?
Me:
nobu-
Her:nobut,you’r
eher ebecausey ourhusbandmade
afuckedupdeci sionforwhat everr
eason.Andhe’s
probabl
youtt herelookingforyou,t
ryi
ngt ogetyou
outofhere.Andy ou’rejustgi
v i
ngup…that’sareal
ni
cewayt othankhi m! !You’
rebeingself
ish.

Shewal kedawayintothebathroom, Il
etoutasi gh
becauseshewasr i
ghttoacer t
ainextent.If
oll
owed
herintothebathr
oom andf oundherwi pi
nghert ears
away ,“
I’
m sorr
y…I..
”shecutmeof fbeforeIcould
saymor e,“youneedhelpwi t
hy ourbathorwi l
lyou
befine?”Iswall
owedhar d,“
I’
llmanage, t
hanky ou.
”
Shewal kedoutthebathroom andleftmef eel
inglike
shit.It
ookmybat hnursi
ngmycheekandwhenI
cameoutt heroom wasempt ywit
hmycl otheson
thebed.Igotdr essedandwentout,Iwasescor ted
tothecasinowher eRamzi wasattheblackj ack
table.Helookedatmeannoy ed,butsmiledt o
pleasehisguest s,
“ni
ceofyoutofinal
l
yj oinus…sit.
Drink?”
Ishookmyheadandhewav edt othewaitressand
shecameandhewhi speredsomet hinginherear
thensheleft.Irecognizedthemenar oundt hetable
from l
astnight,theywer esmoki ngcigar
sand
drinki
ngcognac.Ispentt herestofthedaywi th
Ramz iunti
lafterlunch,he‘all
owed' metospendt he
restofthedayi nmyr oom topreparefortonight.

Lateronthegirl
scamet odr essmeandagai nwe
wereinthedininghall
.Dr i
nkswer eser
vedandthen
Ramz icl
i
nkedhi schampagnegl ass;ever
yone
stoppedwhattheywer edoingandf acedhim,“l
adi
es
andgentlement hepartwehav eallbeenwait
ing
for.
”Everyonecheered,“l
et’
sal ltakeoutseat
ssowe
cangetthisshowont heroad. ”Myheartstar
ted
beat
ingfastasItookmyseatont
het
abl
eint
he
fr
ontandthenitstar
ted.

Thegi rl
scameont hest ageonebyone, he
i
ntroducedt hem byt hei rname, ageandcount ryof
bir
th.Themenwer ebi ddinghi ghfigur
escl oset oa
mill
ioneachgi rlandt hewomenseemedt ocheer
them on.Whatf ucker yi sthisIt houghttomy self.
Thel astgir
lwalkedof fthest ageandt henRamzi
announcedt hatsupperwi l
l beser vedbef orethe
mainev ent.WasIt hemai nev ent?
?Itookasi pof
mychampagneandhesatnextt ome, “you’reup,
makemepr oud.”Hesi gnalledf orLil
ytocomeget
meandt akemebackst age, “makeherl ook
ravi
shing.”Hesai dwhi lesl i
ppi nghersomemoney
andshesmi ledandescor t
edmet otheback.They
didmymakeupandhai r,t
henputmei nadi f
ferent
dress.Tightandr eveal i
ng, Cassi awalkedi n.“you
l
ookbeaut i
ful,
”shesai dhol dingmyhandand
l
ooki ngstrai
ghti ntomyey es.Shel etgoofmyhand
andwhi speredinmyear ,
“itwi llmakethisal it
tl
ebit
easier.
”Shest eppedawayf rom meandpour edmea
glassofchampagne.Iopenedmyhandandf ounda
pil
l,Itr
iedtoexami nei tt
oseeifitwassomet hingI
mi ghtrecognizebutIwasshi toutofluck.She
handedmet hegl assandnodded, Iputthepil
linmy
mout handwashedi tdownwithchampagne.Al ady
peepedi n,“t
heyar ereadyforyou.”Cassianoddedat
her ,
“she'l
lber i
ghtthere.
”Thenset ur
nedbackt ome,
“Wel l
,i
t’sti
me…”

Igotupf rom thechai randwal kedoutandwai ted

backst ageasi nstructed.Icouldn’tseethecr owdbut
IcouldhearRamzi ,“ournextgirlisveryspeci al
, y
ou
mightal lknowherorhear dofher .WifetoKeenan
DeCost aanddaught erofthelateAdebay o.Allthe
wayf rom Ni geri
a,Ipr esentt
oy out heblackbeaut y
Abebi .
”Thecur t
ainsopenedandt hecrowdwas
screami ngandcheer i
ng.Ramzi putouthi shandand
Iwalkedt ohim,IfeltlikeIwasf loati
ngasIwal ked.
Heki ssedmycheekandspokeagai n;“
she' sa
beaut yisn’tshe?Thebi ddi
ngwi llbediff
er entforthi
s
gem.Thet op5bidsWi l
lbat
tl
ei toutwhenwer each
ourfinal desti
nati
on, t
hehighestbi ddertakesher
home.
”Theyroaredsomemor
e,“
thebi
ddi
ngst
art
s
at1mil
li
ondoll
ars.
”
Beast
:2mi
l
li
on
Char
li
e:5mi
l
li
on
Theywentbackandf ort
hwi t
hot hersj oi
ning.The
biddingl ast
edf or30mi nsandt hetop5bi dswere
500mi l
lion,450mi ll
i
on,430, 400and390mi ll
i
on.I
couldn’thearorf eelorev enseehal ft hetime.When
i
twasal l ov
erRamz iwalkedmeof ft hestageand
outatt hebackoft heroom wi thpeopl echeer i
ngup
onaswewal ked,“t
hatwasgr eat…y oudi damazing
outther e.Youdeser veat reat.
”Ijustsmi ledathim,I
gotadr inkatt hebaranddownedi t
.Anst ar
ted
chewi ngoni ce, “
it
’shotinher e,arey oufeeling
hot?imf eeli
nghot !!
”
Hi
m:y
esy
ouar
e,y
ouwer
eonf
ir
e!!

Cassiawalkedt
owardsus,“si
rthepeopleare
l
ookingforyou.
”Helookedatme, “
Ihatetoleave
youbutdutycal
ls.
”Hekissedmycheekandwal ked
away,Ir
ubbedsomei ceonmyneck.Cassi ajust
l
aughed,“Whatdi
dyougiveme?Ineedtogetoutof
t
hisdress…it
’ssohot
!”shecoul
dn’
tst
oplaughi
ng.
Me:
ist
hisf
unnyt
oyou?
Her:
itact
ual
l
yis.You’
rej
ustal
i
ttl
ehi
gh,
itwi
l
lwear
of
fsoon.
Me:
Iwannagetoutoft
hisdr
ess.
Her:y
ouaretheevent,
soyoucan’
tleav
e.Thepar
ty
i
sjustaboutt
ogetstart
ed!
!

Ilookedather
,“youf
ucki
ngwithmer i
ght
?”she
shookherhead,“Iwi
shIwere,andher
ecomesy our
Beast.”Shest
eppedasi
de,Ist
oodfacetofacewit
h
thisman.
Hi
m:So,
anAdebay
o?
Me:
yeah.
Hi
m: i
t’
ssadwhathappenedt
ohi
m,t
hatmanwasa
l
egend.
Me:
def
ini
tel
y.
Hi
m:andwhot
houghtt
hathewoul
ddi
efr
om ahear
t
at
tack…It
houghtsomeonewoul
dchopof
fhi
shead.
Me:
youknow.

Iwasnoti nt
erest edinwhathewassay ing,Itur
ned
tothebar man, “getmeabeer .”Beastl ookedatme,
“ohwe'regoi ngt ohav efunmeandy ou!”hesaid
pull
ingmecl oser, “
Iheardwear en’tall
owedt otouch
thegoodsunt i
lsal eisfi
nalized.”It urnedar oundand
sawChar l
iestandi ngthere.Beastdi dn’tletgoofme
butpull
edmecl oserinsteadandki ssedmycheek,
“andthatmyf ri
endj ustcosty ou500000dol lar
s.”
Ramz isaidashewal kedtowar dsus.“ Whatpar tof
notouchi ngdoy ounotunder stand?Andi fanyof
youdon’tbehav ey outoowi llbef ined.Nowl et’
s
sti
cktot herulegent l
emen. ”
[
11/
23,
18:
16]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode135

wasi nmycabin; myheadwaspoundi ngaft

erl
ast
night.Iwasn’
tdressedandIturnedoverand
someonewasi nmybed.Shi t
,Ifr
oze…Istar
ted
thinki
ngaboutlastnightandIcoul
dn’
trecal
lmuch.
Cassi
agavemeadrug,Ir
ememberedthat
.I
remembert
heguy
stalki
ngatthebar
…shitwhatdi
d
youdoAbebi
??Di
dCassiasetmeup??

Ilookedatt heper sonsl eepingnextt ome; theywere

coveredupi nthecov ers.Itouchedmypeachandl et
outasi ghofrelief,okayIdi dn’tsleepwi thhi
m.Igot
upof fthebedsl owl ytryingnott omakeasoundor
towaket hem up.Iputonmyr obeandmademyway
tothedoor .Theguar dswer est andingthere,
“morningma' am, canwegety ouany thi
ng?”Ididn’
t
evenknowhowt ostar t
,“uhm…”It urnedandlooked
atmybedandt heper sonwasmov i
ng,“someoneis
i
nmybed…”oneoft heguy slookedatmef unny
almostt i
l
tinghisheadt ot hesi de,“he'
sinthebed.”I
openedt hedoorwi derf orhimt ocomei n.

Thebody
guardtookouthisgunandmadehi
sway
towar
dsthebed,t
heotherstoodwi
thmybyt
hedoor
call
ingRamzi .Ther ewasar uckusinther
oom andI
sawt heBeastf i
ght i
ngt hebodyguar
d.Ashotwas
fi
red, butdidn’thitanyone,nowev er
yonewas
outsidemyr oom t r
y i
ngt of
indoutwhatwas
happeni ng.Ramzi camer unni
ng,“wherei
she?”The
body guardpoi ntedinside,“
Beast!
”

Hegotupandtheguar
dhel
dhimfr
om behind,t
o
r
est
rai
nhim.“Idi
dn’
tdoany
thi
ngRam Iswear.
”

Ramz
i:Whyt
hef
uckar
eyoui
nherr
oom.

Beast
:Idon’
tknow,
I.
.

Ramz i
turnedaroundandheadedinmydirect
ion,
“whathappened?”hegrabbedmebytheshoulders,
“AbebiI
’mt al
ki
ngtoyou.”Itr
iedt
ospeak,
andt he
wor dsj ustwoul dn’ tcomeout ,Ihonest l
ydidn’ tknow
howhegoti nther e.“Didhet ouchy ou? ”Ramzi
asked, andIshookmyhead.Theguar dwas
draggingt hefightingBeastoutofmyr oom and
downt hepassage; Char l
iewasl eaningagai nstthe
wall smi l
ing.Het ookabi t
eofhi sappl e,“yousetme
up!”Beastr oaredashewasdr aggedpastChar li
e,
whodi dn’tanswerhi m butbl ewhi m aki ss.Ramzi
grabbedmyar m andpul l
edme, Itri
edt ogetoutof
hisgr i
pbuthet i
ght enedi t,“
you’rehur t
ingme. ”he
wasn’ tbot heredandcont i
nuedt owal k.Wewer e
nowononeoft hedecks, “nowy oucanwat chhi m
swim wi t
ht heshar ks.”Beast’seyespoppedout ,
“Ramzi youknowIdi dn’
tdot his,Iwassetup.How
wasIgoi ngt ogeti nwi t
hal lt
hebody guards? ”Ramzi
didn’tli
sten, “anyl astwor ds?”hesai dl ookingatme,
“Ramzi please.”Beastpl eaded, “
Checkt he
camer as. ”Ramzi lookedathi m, “youknowt herear e
nocamer asont heboat ,andy oucr ossedt hewr ong
fucker!”Beastwasnowonhi sknees, “Ramzi we
havebeeni nbusi nessf orhowmanyy ears?Youowe
meatl eastt hismuch. ”Ramzi gotangr yandki cked
himi nt hechest , “IOWEYOUNOTHI NG…TOSSHI M
OVER! !
”heinstructedtheguards,andtheyt hrewthe
screamingBeastov er
board.Ihadmyhandsov ermy
eyes,Icoul
dn’twat ch,“openyoureyes.”It ookmy
handsaway ,“Idon’tknowwhaty ouar epl ayingat…
butthatshouldt eachyouwhatI ’
l
ldot oy oui fyou’
re
tr
yingtofuckt hi
soper ati
onup.”Isnif
fed, “Ididn’
tdo
anythi
ng.”

Him:We’
l
lseeaboutt
hat,
gotoyourr
oom.The
doct
orwi
llbewi
thyouinabi
t.

Me:
Doct
or?

Him:Youwantmet
otakey
ourwor
dthatnot
hing
happened?

Iwasshockedanddi
dn’
thav
eany
thi
ngt
osayback
tohim.Iwal kedinf rontofhim andwentt otheroom.
Thebedwasnowmade, “
don’tbath,Iwantal l
the
evidence.
”Isatont hebedwai t
ingforthedoct or,he
camei nanddi dtheexami nat
ionandl eft.Anhour
l
aterRamzi camet oconf i
rmt hatIdidn’thavesex,
andt oinf
or m met hatwewi llbear r
ivi
ngi n2hour s.
Hel ef
tmei nt heroom andIwast hi
nkingaboutt he
eventsthatoccurredt oday.Howdi dBeastgeti nto
mybedwi thoutbeingseenbyt heguar ds?Andwhy
didhet hi
nkChar l
iesethi m up?Whywoul dChar l
i
e
sethim up?Doeshewantmeal lt
ohi msel f
?May be
Keenansenthi m?

Ist
art
edt ohav ealit
tl
ehope,Ihavesomeoneher e
wit
hme.I ’m goi
ngt ogetoutofher
e.Andher eIwas
thi
nki
ngt hatKeenanwasn’ttr
yinganyt
hing…Ifell
asl
eep,andwaswokenbyRamzi ,“
wakeywakey …we
havereachedourdest i
nati
on.
”Iwaslefttofr
eshen
upandanhourl at
erwewer eheadi
ngtot hehotel
.
.

Iwasinmyr oom gett

ingmyhai randmakeupr eady,
Cassiawal kedinandgav emeacr ookedsmi le,“ar
e
youready ?”Ilookedather,“Iam nott aki
ngt hatshit
anymor e.”Shelaughedoutloud, don’tbesilly,“
are
youreadyt ogetoutofher e.
”Irolledmyey es, I
’
m
notgettingintothiswithyouagain.”Shet i
ltedher
head,“arey ouscared?”Inodded, “i
sthatat rick
questi
on? ”
Her:You’l
lnev
erknowwhatwi
llhappenoutther
e.
Lookatwhathappenedtot
hatBeastguy,andI
thoughthewastaki
ngyouhome.

Me:
Hmmm…

Ididn’tknowwher eshewasgoi ngwi t

hthissoI
i
gnor edher ;sheturnedaroundandpour edmea
glassofchampagnewhi chIrefused.Sheshr ugged,
“ohwel l.
”Shesai dbeforedowni ngt hedri
nk.Li
ly
l
ookedathershockedandt henshegi ggledand
cont i
nuedt oplaywi t
hthejewellerythatwassetup
forme.“ I’
m goingt ocheckwhat ’shappening,
”She
l
ef ttheroom.Shei sonest rangegi rl
,“Li
l
y…”she
turnedar oundandl ookedatme.“ yes,
”She
answer edsof tl
y,“
howl onghav ey ouandCasbeen
wor kingforRamzi ?”
Her
:Cassi
awasher
ebef
oreme.

Me:Andyouhav
ebeenwor
kingwi
thhersi
ncey
ou
st
art
ed?

Her
:No,
ever
yonewor
ksal
one,
you’
ret
hef
ir
st.

Me:
Isee…

Cassiacamei n, “
theyareaskingf ory
ou.”Itooka
deepbreatheandst oodup.Shehel dmyshoul der
s
andpulledmei nt
oami nihug,shepull
edoutand
escort
edmeoutoft her oom,whenwegott othe
dini
nghallsheopenedt hedoorf orme,“seeyouon
theotherside.”Shewi nkedandt henpushedmei n.
Thisgir
l i
sstrange,andIdi dn’
tgetachancet o
processwhatshesai dbecauseRamzi wassmi l
ing
whilewal kingt owar dsme.Ohmyl or d,hestoodnext
tome, “
y oul ookni ce,nowsmi l
eandgetmemy
money .
”Il ookedathi m wi thast raightf aceandhe
ti
ghtenedhi sgr i
par oundmei napai nful manner ,
andIf orcedoutasmi l
e.Hel edmet ot hetabl e;the
crowdwasn’ tasbi gast heoneont heboat ,
“Ladi es
andgent l
eman…”Ramzi st arted.“Wel l
hasn’ti tbeen
awonder ful coupleofday s.”Thecr owdcheer ed,
“Welltodayi stheev enty oual lhav ebeenwai tingf or
,
butbef orewegett ot hemai ncour se; l
etusenj oya
start
er .
”Thecur tainsopenedandf ivegi rl
sst ood
beforeus, twowhi teandt woChi neseorJapanese
andonebl ackgirl.Char l
iemov eduncomf ortabl yin
hisseat ,thegi r
lswer eintroducedandauct i
onedone
byonet hent hebl ackgi rlwasbr oughtupl ast.She
wasi ntroducedasSout hAf ri
can, Ilookedather
closelyandherey eswer eshutandshel ookedsuper
high.Shewassway ingfrom l efttor i
ghtandmy
heartsank, hernamewasLusandaandshedi dn’t
evenl ookol derthan21.If eltsor ryf orher ,
her eI
wasact i
ngsnobbi shandsomepeopl ewer et reat ed
l
ikeher .at earescapedmyey eatt het houghtt hati t
couldbemeupt her
e.Iwasi
nter
rupt
edfrom my
thought
sbyCharli
ejumpi
ngup5mi l
li
on.Ever
yone
j
ustlookedathi
m.

Ohgodt hi
scan’ tbehappeni ngt ome, hewasn’ ther
e
formeaf t
eral l.Whydi dhebi dsomuchf ora
druggedupj unkie, Ilostal lhopeofbei ngr escued.
Het ookherof fthest ageandputhi ssui tjacked
overherandkeptr ubbi nghert ryingt okeepher
warm.Whent heywer edonewi t
ht hegi rl
s, Ramzi
tookthemi cagai nandspoke, “weal lknowt he
shockingev ent sthathappenedt oMrBeast ,sowe
hadt oreplacehi m. ”Someoft hepeopl eint he
crowdst artedbooi nghi m andhel i
ftedhi shandand
thenoisedi eddown, theaut hori
tyt hismanhas.
“WellIknowj ustt hecandi date,Kennet h.
”Awhi te
l
argemascul inemanst oodup, hehadabodyofa
rugbyplayerandhadt attoosall over.Hel ookedso
scaryandi cy, Istartedshaki ng;ev ent heguy she
wasgoi ngagai nstl ookeduneasy .Nott hatIhav ea
prefer enceofwhoIwantt obeboughtby ,butI
woul dr atheri twasn’ thim.Ramzi continuedt o
speak, andi nformedev er yonet hatt hiswasapr i
vate
saleandt heycannotcomei ntot heauct i
onr oom.
Hest eppeddownandcamet ome, hehel douthi s
handandIt ooki t,
“timet opayof fyourhusband’ s
debtandmakedaddyr ich.”Itriedt opul loutofhi s
gripbuthet ightenedi tandpul ledmecl oser,“tr
y
any t
hi ngandy ouwi ll r
egr etit.
”Hewasnowr i
ghtin
myf ace, andIwasasecondawayf rom shi tt
ing
my sel f.“ Andhowar ewesupposedt of eel wheny ou
bruiseourpackage? ”Char li
esai dgi vi
ngRamzi a
cheekysmi rkwhot henl oosenedhi sgr ipfrom me.
Char li
el edt hewayi ntot hesecr etroom wi t
h
Lusandaonhi sar m andt heysatdownnextt oeach
other .Whi leIwasl eadt osi tint hecent reoft he
roundst age.Thechai rswer epl acedar oundt he
stage; thegi rlswal kedar oundnakedandser v ed
every onedr i
nks.Ramzi lovest hespot l
ightsohe
stoodupagai n,“gent lemenIknowwear ealltir
ed
andwewantt ogohome; l
et’
shur ryt hisup.”He
mademest andandt heguy swer en’tplay i
ng.Char l
ie
wasthefi
rstt
o550,andtheyal
lpl
acedt hei
rbids1
byonetr
yingt
obethehighestbi
dder.Kennethstood
up,
“10bil
li
on.
”Ever
yonegasped,whatisgoingon
her
e?Iaskedmysel
f,whatthehel
l!

Char
li
e:15

Kennedy
:30

Ramzi
:Char
li
elooksl
i
key
oul
ose,
Kennyy
ougett
he
gi
rl
.Comegivememymoney
.

Istoodther
efr
ozenandshocked,
whatjust
happened?WasallIcoul
daskmysel
f?Charl
iet
ook
theLusandagi rloutoft heroom.Kennet hwasi nt he
cornerwi thwhatIassumewashi sI Tguyandt hey
weretransf erringt hef unds.Iwasshaki ngandI
walkedof ft hest age, Ifoundt hedr i
nkst ableand
openedt hebot tleandt ookagul p.Iswal lowedand
thetearsst artedpour ingandIt ookanot hergul p,
“angel
,y oushoul dbesohappy .”Ramzi sai dt ome
ashewal kedt owar dsme.Hewasgr inningl ikea
chimpanzee; hest oodbymeandki ssedmycheek.I
tri
edtoswi ngmyar m andhi thi m wi thabot tle,“ I
wouldn’tdot hatifIwer ey ou. ”Hesai dhol dingt he
bottl
e.Kennet hst oodt heresmi l
ingandRamzi
mov edoutt heway ,“
we’ ll
getgoi ng.”Hesai dl ooki ng
atme, Itookast epback, “Iwon’ thurtyou. ”Ramzi
shovedmet owar dsthiswhi tegor i
ll
a.Hehel dmy
arm andusher edmet owar dsoneoft hedoor s,when
oneoft hedoor sopenedandshot sstartedbei ng
fi
red.Icoul dn’ttell whatwashappeni ngbutIsaw
Charli
eget tingshot .Kennet hmanagedt ogetusout
ofthereandwewer er unningt ot hepar king, ther e
wereshot sev erywher eandIhear dawoman
shouti
ng…Ist oppedandl ookedt ofindt heLusanda
gir
ljumpi ngonmyhusband, shewascr ying
hyst
erical
l
y.Heheldherandwasbr ushingherhai
r,
whatthefuckisthi
s.Heturnedaroundandwalked
towardsacarandabul l
ethitmeonmysi deandI
fel
ltothegroup.If
eltmysoulleavi
ngmybodyas
Kennethcarri
edmeov erhi
sshoulder.
[
11/
23,
18:
16]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode136

*
***
***
***
***
***Keenan*
***
***
***
***
***
**

Iwalkedtothecarandpl acedLusandai ntheback,

“I’
l
lberi
ghtback.”Shel ookedupatmewi thlazy
tearyey
es,“Luzukodon’ tleaveme.”Shesai dhol di
ng
ontomyhand, “Mikewi l
l staywit
hyou,andI ’
ll be
ri
ghtback.”Iwalkedawayf rom t
hecar;Idon’ teven
rememberwhenl astIhear dsomeonecal lmebymy
Xhosaname.I tj
ustt ookmebackt owhenwewer e
youngandshewasscar edt odosomet hing,Ihadto
alwaysholdherhandandwasal waysleftbehi nd
withherwhi let heboy sal lranahead. ”Iwal kedback
i
nt othehot el andl ookedatal lt
hedeadbodi es;
Char li
ewasl i
mpi ngtowar dsmehol dinghis
abdomen, “wher eisshe? ”Iaskedhi m, “Idon’tknow,
shewaswi tht hatwhi teguy .
”myar mpitsgothot ,
“youl ethergo? ”Iwasnowscr eami ng,Ilooked
aroundt hedeadbodi esi nhopest hatmay beshe
wasbur iedunderoneoft hem, “
Abebi !
!Abebi !!
”Iwas
screami ng,Mi kegr abbedmyshoul der ,
“thecopsar e
ont hewayl et’sgetoutofher e!”Ilookedathi m
blankly,“Ican’tl eavewi thoutherman. ”Hegr abbed
mer oughly,“whatgoodar ey ouifyou’reinpr i
son,
thisisn’tSout hAf ri
ca!!We’ l
ltrackherdown. ”Hewas
ri
ghtandIst ar tedwal kingt owar dstheexi tandt o
thecar .

Wedr ov
eforaboutanhourtorur
alIt
alywherewe
hadbeenstayi
ngfort
hepastcoupleofdays.Wegot
toMike’
shouseandIcarr
iedLusandainsi
de,she
wasshaki ngandmumbl ingsomet hing.Icouldn’t
exactl
yfigureoutwhatshewassay ing,wet ookher
tothemedi calroom andshewasputonadr i
pand
thengivensomet hingtosleep.Iwalkedt othe
kit
chenandf oundt heguy sthere,
“and? ”everyone
j
ustlookedatme, “not
hingy et.
”Weneedt ohead
homei nthemor ningandwewi llf
igureitoutt her
e.
Wehav emor eequi pmentandmanpower .
”

Me:
Howt
hef
uckdi
dthi
shappen?

Char
li
e:Idon’
tknowman.

Me:Youdon’
tknow?Youl
etanot
hermanj
ustwal
k
awaywit
hmywi f
e.

Char
li
e:Iwastakenbysurpr
ise;
Ithoughtaf
ter
get
ti
ngridofBeastIhadher
.
Iwal kedtot hecabi netandt ookoutabot tl
eanda
glassandIpour edadr ink.Itookitbacki nonegul p
andt henpour edanot herone.Ir epeatedt hepr ocess
aboutf ourtimesbef oreMi kespoke, “
Takei teasy ,
youneedt obecl earmi ndedt ogetherback. ”Itook
backt hefifthdr i
nkandl ookedathi m, “i
fitwas
Storm outt her e,wouldy oubet akingi teasy?”Heput
hishandsupt osur r
ender ,“weleav etomor row
mi dday,we’llar r
iveinSAt hef ol
lowi ngdayar ound2
am. ”Iroll
edmyey esandl i
tacigar ett
e, “
outside
buddy .”It
ookt hebot tl
eandwal kedout sideand
smokedt herewhi l
edr i
nking.Iwaswor r
iedsick
aboutAbebi ,butatleastImanagedt ogetLusanda
outoft here.
*
***
***
***
***
*Abebi
***
***
***
***
*

Iopenedmyey esandcl osedt hem agai n,and

openedt hem sl owlythist i
meandbl inked.Ihear d
voicesaroundmeandt riedsit
tingupbutIwast ied
down, Itri
edt olookar oundbutIwasr estr
ained.We
wer ei
nt heai r
,wher earet heytakingme, “you’re
awake.”Ihear dav oi
cesayandKennet hhovered
overmyf ace,“IthoughtIl ostyout herehoney .
”My
heartstartedracingandIt ri
edwr igglingoutoft he
str
aps, “
don’ tscarehery oui di
ot !
”Ihear daf ami li
ar
voiceandt hensawhi sf aceandIst artedcrying,
“But…”hel ookeddownatmei nacr ookedsmi le,
“butwhat ?ButI ’
m dead, nev er!
”Iwascr yi
nghar der,
“don’tcr y…whyar ey oucry i
ng?YouknowI ’
m not
touchi ngy ourt earsr i
ght?”Ilaughedal i
ttl
ebit,“CanI
hav ewat er?”hedi sappear edawhi leandcameback
puttingast r
awi nmymout handIdr ank.Ifel
tt he
strapsl ooseni ngar oundme, andIwasf i
nall
yf r
ee,
“wast hatnecessar y ,
”Iaskedsi tt
ingup, pai
nshot
throught hesi deofmybodyandIl etoutacr y.“Yi
p,”
hesai dnoddi ng.Hepi ckedmeupandpl acedmeon
thecouchandsati nf r
ontofme, “
how? ”Iaskedhi m
conf used.Hecl ear edhisthr oat,“wellhowdoIsay
thi
s? ”Hescr atchedhi schin, “
Theydon’ tcall
medi e
hardf ornot hing. ”Igav ehim abl ankl ookbecauseI
hadbeenwor riedsi ckabouthi m andhecomesher e
withj okes, “
whysoser i
ous? ”Her oll
edhi sey es,
“Ramzi ’
smencan’ tshoot ,andt heymi ssedall t
he
vit
al organsandy ah…That ’showi thappened.You’ r
e
grandpaf oundmeatt heai r
por tandnowIsav edt he
day .
”Mymi ndcamebackt ome, “
Keenan? ”

I
ce:Don’
twor
ryabouthi
m;he’
l
lbei
nSAshor
tl
yaf
ter
us.
Me:
Whywer
en’
tyouguy
stoget
her
?

I
ce:
Hethi
nksI’
m dead,
andi
twasgoi
ngt
omessup
t
hewhol
eplan.

Me:
Uh?

I
ce:
Idon’
ttr
usthi
sguy
s.

Me:
Whoi
sthegi
rl
?

Icescr
atchedhi
shead,
“Lusanda.
”Il
ookedathi
m,“
I
knowthat,whoi
sshe?Whatisshetohim?”
I
ce:
Afr
iend,
from l
ongago.

Me:
That
’swhyhet
ookt
hosegi
rl
s??

Ice:
Yeah,hethoughtshewast
her
e,onl
ytof
indout
sheactual
lyi
sn’t
.

Il
etoutasi gh, “
butheletyouguyst
akeme,he
savedher.”Ice’seyespopped,“
don’
tthi
nkl
i
kethat
,
hewast heret osaveyou.”

Me:SowhywasIl
eftbehi
nd?WasInott
hemai
n
vi
cti
m?

I
ce:
Abi
don’
tdot
hist
oyour
sel
f…y
o-
Iputupmyhandtostophi
mfrom tal
ki
ng,“howl
ong
ti
ll
weland?
”heletoutal
oudsigh,
“about5hour
s.”

Me:
Ist
her
eanyf
ood?

Henoddedandgotuptofixmeapl at
e, hehanded
meabeerandweat ei
nanawkwar dsilence.“Thank
you,
”Ievent
ual
l
yspoke,helookedup,“
di dyousay
somethi
ng?”

Me:
Thanky
ou.

Hi
m:For
?
Me:
Real
l
y?

Him:
well
it’
saboutt
ime;It
houghti
twoul
dnev
er
comesoIhavetodr
agiton.

Me:
What
everhowar
emybabi
es?

Him: t
heyaregood,gr
owing.Cecei
sther
e,I
’
vebeen
gett
ingupdatesfr
om Aki
n.

Me:
Ican’
twai
ttoseet
hem.

I
nt hemi ddl
eofourtalki
ngthedoorfr
om thecockpi
t
openedandIl ookedup,“what
?”Icesmil
edand
winkedatme, Itri
edtostandupbutIwasstil
li
n
pain.Cassiawalkedt
owar dsmeandgavemeahug,
“
how?”shewi
nkedatmeandt ookasi
pofherbeer
,
“
youasktoomanyquest
ions,
howareyouf
eeli
ng?”

Me:
Conf
used.

Her
:Besi
dest
hat
?

Me:
Sor
e,r
eli
evedt
obegoi
nghome.

Isl
eptforther estofthetr
ipandwokeupont heri
de
tothehouse, I
cet ur
nedfrom thef
rontseat,
“niceof
youtofinall
yjoinus.”Thesunwasup, myhear t
j
umpedwhent hegat et
oourhouseopened; Ij
ust
wantedtoj umpoutoft hecarandgoseemybabi es.
Thecarcamet oahal ti
nfrontoft
hedoorand
Cassiahelpedmeout ,t
hedooropenedandCece
cameout ,“Onksoi yam’umkhuluwena!”she
shoutedandcamet ohugmeandshel ookedbehind
me, shegavemetheconcer nedlook,“uphiunyana
wam? ”Sheasked,andIknewshewast al
kingabout
Keenan.“Heiscomingl at
er;
”sherelaxedabi t
,“i
she
al
right?
”Inoddedandt henshelookedatI ceand
Kenneth,“
andthem? ”

Me:
Fri
ends,
nowpl
easet
akemet
omybabi
es.

Shegav ethem alookandwal kedintot

hehouse, t
he
restoftheguysfollowedandgoti nt
othelounge.My
chil
drenwereallsleeping,Iwasdisappoint
ed.ButI
alsoneededtorest ;Ihadn’tgot
tenaproperrest
sinceIl
eftforNigeria.Ithoughtaboutt
hat,wasGod
punishi
ngmef ortaki ngAhunna’slif
e?Il
etoutasigh.
Weatefoodprepar
edbyNadiaandt
henthegang
l
eft
.Icl
eanedupandchangedint
omypyjamas;I
cr
awledontot
hebedandshutmyeyes.

*
***
***
***
***
***Keenan*
***
***
***
***
***
**

Wewer ei ntheai
randlandi
nginanhour ’
stime,I
hadnol eadonAbebi.Whoevertookherisgood…
real
lygood.AndwhenIneededt hesharpestperson
Iknowont hi
son,buthewasnol onger
.Ilooked
downandLusandawassl eepingwi t
hherheadon
myl ap,shewasshi ver
ingev enwiththebl anketon
her.Iwasgl adIgother ,butIlostAbebi atthesame
ti
me.Idi dn’
tgetwhyAbebi l
eftwithoutinformingme
whatherpl anwit hAhunnawas, shetrustedI cemore
thanme.Theybar el
ykneweachot herandwer e
hardlyfr
iends,Iletoutasi gh.Iwasdeepi nthought;
may beIwast oocaughtupi nf i
ndingLusandat hatI
compl et
elyforgotaboutmyownf ami l
y.Ifeltbad
andIf el
tli
kecr y
ing, wasitwor t
hit?

Whatki ndofaquesti
onisthatKeenan,shei syour
fuckingwif
e,not
hingisworthlosi
ngher ?ButIalso
owedLusandat hatmuchandIki ndoffeltli
keabi t
ofthiswasmyf ault
.Irememberwhenhermot her
contactedme;shedefini
tel
ythoughtitwasmyf ault
.
SoIhadt omakesur eIfoundher,andnowI ’
m st uck
withoutoutawifeandanol dagehomef ul
lofslave
gir
ls.
Noneoft hi
swaswhatIwant ed,andthiswasthe
reasonwhyImov edawayfrom KhenanandThando.
Ididn’
twantAbebitobeinvol
vedinthis,Iwant
edher
far!Buther
eshewasr unni
ngaroundki l
l
ingherst
ep
mom, i
fshedi
dn’
tgot henshewouldbesaf eat
home.

ComeonKeenan, youcan’ tpossiblybeblamingyour

wifeforget
tingabduct ed.Iletoutasi gh,i
fIhadn’
t
takenthosegirl
st henshewoul dhav ebeensafeand
wewoul dbehappy .Ohgosh, butifLusandahadn’t
runoffandgot t
enabduct ed,Iwoul dn’
thavehadto
takethosegirl
s.Sot hisisLusanda’ sfault
,butIwas
thereasonsher an.Ohmygosh…Iwasget ti
nga
headachejustthinkingaboutt hiswhol emess.
Thehousewasdar k,
IcarriedLusandat ooneoft he
spar ebedr oomsandt uckedheri n,andIl eftthel ight
oni ncaseshewokeupsoshewoul dn’tbe
fri
ght ened.Iwentt ocheckonmybabi es, andt hey
wer ef astasleep.Itseemsl i
ket heyhav egr ownal ot
sinceIl astsawt hem.Ismi ledt omy sel f,
y etIwas
sadt hatmybabi eshadt ogof orsol ongwi thout
theirmot her .Il
etoutasi gh, Ineedt osl eepsoIcan
getbackt owor kt omor r
owwi thacl earmi nd, andI
needt ofindher .Iwalkedintot hebedr oom and
straightintot heshowerwi thoutt urningt hel ightson,
Iwasexhaust edandIneededt oshutmyey es.I
turnedont heshowerandst rippeddownandgoti n,
thewat erhitmynakedbodyandIj ustt ooki tin.I
hadmyhandsont hewal landIf aceddownandIf el
t
thet earsf i
l
l upinmyey esandIdi dn’thol dt hem
back.Icr iedsohar dandIf eltmy selfletouta
scream andIpunchedt hewal l.Ithur tbutIdi dn’t
care, Icontinuedpunchi ngandcr yingf ort helongest
ti
me.Iwasl osti nmyt hought sandcr yi
ngunt ilIfel t
ti
nyl itt
lehandssnaket heirwayar oundmywai st.I
froze.Whatt hef uck?It hought , andthenIf elther
bodyagai nstmi ne.Hert inybreast swer eagai nstmy
backandIknewf rom t her hythm ofherhear titwas
her ;
Istartedshaki ngandIl ookeddownatmy
bloodyhands.Icoul dn’tt urnaroundt of aceher ,I
j
ustwept , “hey .
”Herv oicesoundedsoangel ic,“ hey…
hey …don’tdot hat .
”Shet urnedmear oundbutI
couldn’tfaceher ,“lookatme. ”Shepul ledmyf ace
upandshewasl ooki ngupatme, soakingweti nher
py j
amas, “hey .
”Asof tsmi l
ecr eptonherf ace, i
twas
sowar m.Ist il
lcoul dn’ tspeak, Icuppedherf aceand
Ikissedherl i
psahundr edt imes, Iwaswhi sper i
ng
‘
I’m sorry
’ in-between.“ ssshhhh. ”Shesai dandIj ust
wr appedmyar msar oundherandshest art
edcr ying
onmyal readywetchest .West ayedi nt hatposi t i
on
forwhatf el tli
keal i
fet i
met il
lthewat erst art
ed
get t
ingcold, webot hdi dn’ tspeak.It urnedof ft he
wat erandwewal kedoutoft heshower .
*
***
***
***
***Abebi
***
***
***
*

Iwasf i
ndi ngithardtofallasleep, Ihadj ustdosed
off.Iwasn’ tdeepinmysl eepandIhear dt hedoor
open, IthoughtIwasdr eami ngandi gnor edituntilI
heardt heshowerr unning,Keenan!Myhear twas
beatingf astandIsatupi nbedwai t
ingf orhimt o
fi
nishunt il Iheardascream comi ngf rom the
bathroom andt henabang.Ohgosht hismani s
goingt ohur thi
msel f
.Igotupf rom t hebedandwent
i
ntot hebat hroom.Icouldseehi mt hrought heglass
punchi ngi ntothewal l
.Hedidn’ tseeme, evenwhenI
openedt heshowerdoorandcal l
edouthi sname, he
di
dn’ thearme.Icl osedthedoorbehi ndhi m and
stoodi nt heshowerget ti
ngwet .Ther ewasbl ood
everywher eandIdi dn’
tknowwhatt odoorsay ,I
wrappedmyar msar oundhiswai standhef roze.He
didn’tst
opcr ying,Ihadt otrycalmi nghi m down,
“Hey…don’ tdot his.”Isaidt ohi mtur ninghim
around.Myhear tbrokebecausehecoul dn’tev en
l
ookatme, “ l
ookatme, ”Isaidpul l
inghi sheadup,
“hey.”Isai
dsmi li
ngupathi m.Hest il
ldidn’
tsay
anythingbuthehel dmyf aceandst art
edki ssingme
overandov eragai n, hekeptapol ogising.Wehel d
eachot herunt i
lthewat erstartedget ti
ngcol d; he
switchedof ftheshowerandl edusout .Hehel ped
meoutofmypy jamasandi nt
oar obeandat owel
formyhai r,hedi dthesameandwewentt ot he
bedroom.Isatont hebedandhel ookedatmei n
disbeli
ef,“
how? ”Ishr ugged, “
Ice.”

Hi
m:Buthei
s…

Me:
Dead?
[
11/
23,
18:
16]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode137

Hi
m:Buthei
s…
Me:
Dead?

HenoddedandIshookmyhead, “whydi dn’thet ell

me. ”Ishrugged, “didtheyhur tyou? ”Ishookmy
head, “
arey ousur e? ”Inodded, “babyIam sosor ry.
”
Iletoutasi gh,“
It’sov ernow. ”Hel ookedatme,
“pleaseforgiveme, Ifail
edy ou.”Ididn’tknowwhat
tosayt othat,Iknowhet ri
edbuthedi dn’ttry
enoughbecausehewasdi stracted.Di stractedby
Lusanda, butIdidn’ tsaythatbecauseIcoul dal ready
seehowgui lt
yhewasandhewasgenui nelysorry
andconcer ned.“ Iknowy out r
ied, t
hanky ou.”Hesat
downnextt ome, “Iloveyousomuch, ”hesai dand
kissedmyl ips.“AndIl oveyou,”Isai dkissinghi m
back.Hedeepenedt hekissandIpul ledaway ,“you
needt oshav e,youl ookl i
keacav eman. ”Hel aughed,
“Thechicksdi git,I’mt hi
nkingofkeepi ngi t.
”Igav e
himt helook,“chicksuhm? ”heki ssedme, “woah,
ndiy adlala.Andi f
unemant ombazanamna, ndi funa
wenawedwa. ”Ilov ei twhenhespeaksXhosa, even
thoughsomet i
mesIdon’ tknowwhathemean, “
Now
comet odaddy .
”Hepi ckedmeupandputmeonhi s
l
api nast raddl i
ngposi tion, “
I’
m nev erl etti
ngy ouout
ofmysi ght ,ever.”Heki ssedmyl i
ps, “yev a? ”I
blushedandInodded, “nev er!”hesai dki ssingmeal l
over ,“stop! ”Hedi dn’ tst opandIt r
iedt of r
eemy self
andheendedupont opofme, wewer eey et oey e.I
feltmyhear tbeatr ace, andal lthehai rsonmybody
stoodup, “Ilov eyouAbebi Kel l
yAdebay o…Il ov eyou
withal lmyhear t
.Idon’ twantt oev erl osey ou, I
woul ddi ewi thouty ou.Iwi llnev ernegl ecty ouagai n;
Ipr omi seIwi llneverputy ourl i
feindanger .Iwi l
l
alway spr otecty ou, andev eryt imey ouneedmeI
will alway sbet heref ory ou.Nomat terhowbusyI
am, Idon’ tcar e.All youneedt odoi sj ustshout i
ng,
andI ’
llcomer unning.Youar emyev ery t
hing. ”Ididn’t
realiseIwasnowi nt ear sandsowashe, thenext
thingIf eltwashi m ent eringmeandIgasped.He
wassobi gandhest oppedwhenhesawt hel ookof
paini nmyey es,“arey ouok? ”Inodded, heki ssed
me, “Ilovey ou.”Hest ar tedmov ingsl owl yi nsideof
me, andIhadadj ustedt ohi ssizeandourbodi es
weremov i
ngi nsy nc, “
Ilovey out oo.”Hedi dn’tbreak
thegaze,If el
tmybui l
dupandhewascomi ngt oo.
Het ookmyonehandov ermyheadwhi lemyot her
wasonhi sasspul li
nghi m deeperi ntome.If elthis
hotbreathonmyneckandIcussed, “fuck!”hewas
suckingonmyneckandhi spacewasi ncreasing.He
l
ift
edof fmeandwasbal ancingonhi shands,
“baby…”hesai dt hrustinghar dintome, sendi ng
shockwav esthroughmybodyandIexpl odedandhe
wasn’tfarbehindme.If elthiswar mj uicesf il
lmeup,
Iwasshaki ngandhi sbodywasst i
llsti
f f
.He
twit
chedandt henr elaxedf loppingont opofme.He
wasbr eathingfast ,almostpant i
ng, “
fuckbabyI
missedy ou.”

Wemusthav efall
enasl
eepinthatpositi
onbecause
Iwokeup,andhislegwasoverme, Itr
iedtomove
buthewasn’tbudgi
ng.“
Keenan,”Ishookhim,buthe
wasoutcol d.Iev ent uallygotupf rom underhi m and
tookashower ;Ilef thiml ikethatandcheckedonmy
babies.Theycansl eep, Iwassur pr i
sedact ually.But
Imissedt hem, butIwant edt omakebr eakfastf ir
st
beforewaki ngt hem up.Iwal keddownst airsandi t
wassmel l
ingl i
kesomeonehadbeatmet ot he
kit
chen, IguessCecebeatmet oit.Iwalkedi ntot he
kit
chenandf oundLusandai nherunder wearand
oneofKeenan’ spy j
amat ops.Shewasdanci ng
aroundandshef rozewhenshesawme, “hi.
”Isai d
asIwal kedt ot hef ri
dge, shel ookedconf used,
“morni ng.”Wasal l shesai dandshecont i
nuedt o
cook, luckilythebuzzerwentof fbeforeIcoul dsay
anything, “Hello…I ’
llbuzzy oui n.”Ipressedt he
buzzerandpour edmyj uice,“I’m Abebi .
”Shel ooked
atme, “Lusanda. ”Inodded, “
Iknow, di
dy ousl eep
well?”shenodded, “shoul dIgety ousomecl ot hes?”
shelookeddownather self,“youwor kher e?”I
chuckl ed,wasn’ tthi sgi rldruggedoutl i
ket woday s
ago?Andl uckilyThandowal kedi n,“heymumm- ”
shef roze, “uhm, am Ii nt erruptingsomet hing? ”she
gavemet hel ook, Irolledmyey esandshookmy
head, “howar ey ou? ”shecameandshehuggedme,
shegavemeakissandsatdown,“
andwhoisy
our
fr
iend?
”shesai
dthatl
ooki
ngatLusanda.

Me:
Thi
sisLusanda,
uhm Keenan’
sfr
iend.

Thando:
andshedoesn’
thav
eanycl
othes.

Andt hatwasdi rectedatLusanda, whodi dn’

tgivea
singlefl
y i
ngf uckandi gnoredup.“ MustIgety oua
drink,It
hi nkbr eakfastwi l
lber eadysoon. ”Lusanda
turnedar oundandl ookedatmel ikeIsai d
somet hingwr ong, “
Ionl ymadeenoughf ormeand
Keenan. ”Iwant edtol augh,thi
sgi rlmustst i
l
lbehigh,
Thandot i
ltedherhead, “
youdiddi dn’ty ou?”she
l
aughedget t
ingupf rom herchai rtakingapi eceof
baconst raightf rom thepan, “Iguessy oushoul d
startmaki ngmor e.
”Shet ookabi t
eandsatback
down, “t
el lmei twasn’ tadr eam. ”Ceceshout edas
shebar gedi ntot heKi tchenandshef roze,
“Lusanda. ”Shel ookedatmeandbackather ,
“Ubekway i
ntoni apha? ”sheasked, andLusanda
wal keduptoherandhuggedher ,“auntCece,I’
ve
mi ssedyou.
”Cecedi dn’
tseem veryplease,“i
ngaba
unxi bent
oni?Thi
sisnoty ourhouse,hayintombi
nxiba.”Shetookherscarfandhandedi ttoLusanda,
“thisisanot
herwoman’ shouseandy ouneedt o
respectthat
.”shelookedatCece,“Kodwa…”

Cece:kodwant oni
?HayiLusanda,
respectsi
si.Your
motherdidn’
traiseyoul
i
ket hi
s.

Shedr oppedt hescar fandst or

medoutoft heroom,
Thandoj ustlaughedoutl oud, “
I’
llhi
tyou.”Cece
reprimanded, “Comeher e.”Iwalkedaroundt oher
andsheengul fedmei nahug!“ I
’m sohappyy ou’
re
back, don’tyouev erdot hatt omeagai nyouhearme!
Don’ tdothattoKeenan, hewoul dn’tsurv
ivewi t
hout
you, andlet’
snotgetst art
edont hosethree
blessingsupst ai
rs.Youhearme? ”Inodded, she
pulledaway .“Didtheyhur ty ou?”Ishookmyhead,
“si
tdownletmef ixy ousomet hingtoeat.
”She
l
ookedatt hepots,“wast hisLusanda? ”Inodded,
“nxa,t
hatgir
l.
”Shet hrewt hef oodinthebin,Thando
j
ustgav emeal ook, shewasn’ tgoingtoletthi
sone
go,“whyareyout hrowingt hataway ?”Cecelooked
atus,“whofeedsy ouhusband? ”shesaidlookingat
Thando,shewasconf used, “
Ido. ”

Cece:
Andwhyi
sthat
?

Thando:Becauset
heyl
ovemyf
ood,
Iam achef
aft
erall
.

Cece:AndifKhenan’sexwif
ewasachefand
cookedjustaswellasyou?Woul
dyoulethi
m eat
that
?

Thando:
No.
Cece:
andwhyi
sthat
?

Thando:Lor
dknowswhatshewoul
dputi
nmy
man’sfood.

Cece:
Exact
ly.

Me:Whywoul
dyoucompar
eLusandat
oKhenan’
s
exwi
fe?

Cecegavemet he‘reall
y’l
ook,andshest art
edwith
herf
ood,“Cece?”andshest ar
tedhummi ngtotal
l
y
i
gnori
ngme.Ri ghtthenKeenanwal kedin,“hey
fami
ly.
”Hestoodatt hedoorlookingallsexy;hewas
j
ustinj
oggersandsl i
ppers.Hestretchedand
yawnedrubbi
nghi sheadandt henscratchedhead.
Nobodyspoke,“what’sgoingon?”hewal kedtoCece
andki ssedhercheekandshepushedhi m away ,he
l
ookedatus.Webot hshr uggedasi fwehadpl anned
this.Heki ssedThandoandcamet omel ast ,hemad
mest andandhuggedme.Hesl i
ghtl
ypi ckedmeup
andIf elthismanhoodhar den, andheki ssedmy
neck.“ Youj ustleftmel i
ket hat ?”hewhi sper edi nmy
earandIf eltmy selfgetweti nstantl
y,heputme
downandki ssedmyl ipsl ikewewer et heonl yones
i
nt her oom.Whenhepul ledawayIf eltdi zzy,“Ican’t
fi
ndt hatt opy ougotmef ormybi rt
hday .”Ilookedat
him, “y ouknow, thatwhi teone.Wantt ohel pmel ook
forit.”Oh…t hatt ookmeawhi le,“
I’
ll
ber i
ghtup. ”He
wal kedoutoft hekitchenandThandogav emet he
l
ook, Igav ehert hemi ddl ef i
ngerbef orewal kingout .
Ihal franupt hest airs, whenIopenedt hedoort ot he
bedr oom Keenanpul ledmei nandsl ammedme
agai nstdoorwi thhi shadbehi ndmyheadt oensur eI
don’ tgethur t
.Hesmashedhi sl i
psonmi neand
l
iftedmeup, Iwrappedmyl egsar oundhi swai stand
grabbedont ohi sbar ear mst ouchinghismuscl es,
asheki ssedmehungr ily.Hishandwasmov ing
alongmybut tandev ent ual l
yl andedonmyf ountain
andIwasf l
owi ngliket her iverNi l
e.Hemov edhi s
l
ipstomyearandt omyneck, hewaspl ayi
ngaround
withmypeachandIf eltmyfi
rstbui
ldupandIcame
sohar dsquirt
ingal l
overhim.Iheardhim chucklea
bit
,andnextt hinghewasi nme.Hedi dn’thav
eme
againstthedoor ,Iwasnowi ntheairandhewas
poundinghar dintomewi t
honehandar oundmy
waistandt heot herl
ift
ingmylegoverhi sshoulder.
Myhandswer ear oundhisneck,ensuringIdon’tfal
l.

KeenandidanumberonmeandIwasont hebed
feeli
ngnumbf rom thewaistdown,Idi
dn’teven
attemptget
tingup.Hecl eanedmeupandchanged
hispantswhilelooki
ngatmeandshaki nghishead,
“l
ookwhaty oudi d.
”Ilookedathi
m shock,“me?How
i
st hi
sallmyf ault
?”

Hi
m:You’
ret
hesqui
rt
eri
nther
oom.
Me:y
ouf
etchedmef
rom t
heki
tchen,
youaskedf
or
i
t.

Hi
m:Ify
ouhadn’
tleftmeinbedal
onet
henI
woul
dn’
thav
ehadt odothat
.

If
oldedmyarms,
“I’
m hungr
y.”AndIpout
ed.He
ki
ssedmyli
psandleftmeintheroom.

*
***
***
***Keenan*
***
***
***
***
Iwalkedi ntotheki t
chenandf oundThandowi th
Cecest il
ltalki
ngov erdirtydi
shes, “
that’snotthetop
Abebi boughty ouf oryourbirt
hday .
”Shel aughed
andCecegi ggledabi t
,“leavethem, theymi ssed
eachot her.”Iroll
edmyey esandt ookt hedirty
dishestot hedi shwasherandl oadedi t
.

Thando:
Lusandauhm?

IlookedatherandbackatCece, “youknowt hi
sisa
shittyi
deari
ght?
”Igr abbedabeerf rom thefri
dge,
“i
st her
eanybreakfastleft
, mywifeisstarvi
ng.”
Thandot ookasipofhercof fee,
“youtoldher?”I
l
ookedatCecewhot urnedtomeshocked, “
what?
Lucywaswal ki
ngar oundt hehousenaked, whatdi
d
youexpectmet odo? ”

Me:
I’
ll
deal
wit
hit
.
Cece:Bydeali
ngwi
thi
tIhopey
oumeanki
cki
ngher
outthehouse.

Me:
Shehasbeent
hroughal
ot.

Thando:andsohasAbebi
,whati
syourpoi
nt?Shei
s
yourwif
egoddammit!

Me:Thandot
her
eisnoneedtoshoutatme,
I’
m
t
ryi
ngtodother
ightt
hingher
e.

Cece:
You’r
etaki
ngbl
amef
orsomet
hingt
hati
sn’
t
evenyourf
aul
t.

Me:
Herf
atherdoesn’
tthi
nkt
hat
.

Cece:
Shei
sbacksaf
e,nowt
akeherbackt
ohi
m
andhewi
ll
behappy.
Me:
Idon’
tthi
nkIcanf
acehi
m.

Thando:Youdon’
thaveto,
Cecewillr
etur
nbackwi
th
herwhenshegoesbackhome.andunt i
lthenI
suggestyoubookheri
ntoarehab.

Me:
uhm,
I’
ll
see.

Cece:
Ther
eyougoagai
n,y
oudon’
tli
sten!

IwarmedupAbebi ’
sf oodandIt ookittoherleav
ing
thesetwoint hekit
chen.Iwentt otheroom and
foundAbebi dryi
ngher sel
f,“
whosadI ’
m donewith
you?”shelookedupandr oll
edherey es,“
todayI’
m
spendingthedaywi thmybabi es.”Il
ookedather,
“I’
my ourbabytoo.”Sheputonherr obeandwesat
atthetableandate,“baby?
”Ilookedupwhil
etaki
ng
asipofmycof fee.Iputthecupdown, “
yesmylove.
”
Idon’tknowwhybutIj ustfel
tnervous.

Her
:Lusanda.

Me:
Whatabouther
?

Her
:Howl
ongwi
l
lshebest
ayi
ngher
e?

Me:
til
lCecel
eav
es,
she’
l
ltakeherhomewi
th.

Her:Sheneedst
ogoseeadoctor,andmaybeev
en
arehab.Shewasn’
tgoodwhenIsawher.

Il
etoutasi
ghofr
eli
ef,
“you’
reagoodper
son.Iwi
l
l
dot
hat
.”

Her:
Canyoupl
easet
ell
hert
oputonsomecl
othes
whenshei
swalki
ngar
oundMYhouse?

Oh,If
eltt
hesti
ngin‘my
’andIqui
ckl
ynodded,
“and
i
fshedoesn’
thaveanyIwoul
dbemor et
hanwil
li
ng
t
ogethersome.Sinceminewon’
tfi
t.
”

SeeLusandawast al
l,j
ustabitshorterthanmeand
shewascurvy,bigass.Shehadt i
tsforday s,andmy
Abebiwaspeti
t.Ev ery
thingsmallandi npropor ti
on,
“t
hatwouldbeni ceofy oubaby.”Isaidbiti
ngt he
pieceoft
oastavoidinganyf ur
therquestions, but
nopenotmywi fe.Shet ookasipofhercof f ee,“so
whydidn’
tyoutellme? ”
Me:
About
?

Her
:AboutLusanda?

Me:
Iwasj
ustst
ress.

Her
:Oh.

Me:
What
?

Her:I
t’
sjustt
hatyou’
veneverment
ionedherbef
ore
andthenboom sheiswal
ki
ngaroundlikesheowns
thepl
ace.

Me:
I’
ll
tal
ktoherabouti
t.

Her
:That
’snott
hepoi
nt.
Me:
Whati
sthepoi
ntt
henAbby
?

Her:Thepoi
nti
sthaty
ouhav
ehidherfr
om mefor
year
sandIwanttoknowwhy?WhydoesCecet
hink
sheistr
oubl
e?

Me:
Cecesai
dthat
?

Her
:Isshel
i
keanol
dgi
rl
fr
iend?

Iletoutasigh,
“yessheis.
”Shel
ookedupatme,
“wast hatsodi
ffi
cul
t?”

Me:
Ther
eismor
e.
Her
:sor
rywhat
?Whatmor
e?

Me:
Iwassupposedt
omar
ryher
.

Abebiputdownhercupandfol
dedherar
ms,
“baby
…”Ibegged,“Goon.
”Il
etoutasi
gh,“she
comesfrom roy
alt
ysomewhat…”

Her
:and?

Me:
Ibr
okeherv
irgi
nit
y.

Abebi
justlookedatme,“
thenshewassaidtomar
ry
someprinceguy,butt
hentheyf
oundoutshewasno
l
ongerpur eandt heguyst oppedtheweddi ng.That
waswhenherf at hersummonedmet ot hekingdom,
andhet ol
dmeIhav etomar ryher
.”Ididn’tsay
anythingatthet i
me, myuncl epromisedt heking
thatwewoul dreturnandpaydowr yforher .
”My
heartwasbeat ingf astandIlookedatAbebi who
wasl ist
eningattentivel
ytowhatIwassay i
ng.I
start
edagai n,“
ont hewayhomeIt ol
dmyuncl ethat
Idon’tloveherandIdon’ twanttomar ryher,buthe
saidithadt obedone.I twast radi
ti
onandal lt
hat
rubbish.”

Her
:Yousl
eptwi
thherbuty
oudi
dn’
tlov
eher
?

Me:Wewereyoung,andshewantedtobr
eakher
vi
rgi
nit
y.Wehadbeenbestfr
iendsf
orasl
ongasI
r
ememberandshewant edmet odoit
.

Her
:Andshedidnotknowthatt
heper
sonwho
t
akesherpur
it
yneedstowedher?
Fuck,Abebi wasn’tmakingthisawalkintheparkf
or
me,“shedi d.
”Herey eswidenandshewasshocked,
“di
dy ouknow? ”Ishookmyheadv i
gor
ously,
“I
wouldn’thavesleptwithherifIknew.”

Her
:Soshewant
edtomar
ryy
oual
lal
ong?Soshe
wasinl
ovewi
thyou?

Me:
Yeah,
andt
hat
’swhenIr
an.

Her
:Ran?

Me:
Yeah,
toCuba.
Shef
roze,
“soIwasy
ourr
ebound?
”

Me:No,wewereneverinar
elat
ionshi
p,comeon
baby
.it
’snotl
i
kethat.

Her
:Whathappenednext
?

Me:AfterIlef
t,sheleftal
so.Shewasadisgraceto
herfamil
yandshedi dn’
twanttofacet
hemusi c.I
heardfr
om herf at
herandImanagedt otr
ackher
down.I’
vebeenmaki ngsureshe’
sokfrom a
di
stance,unti
lRamzi happened.

Her
:Soal
ltheti
mewe’
ret
oget
hery
ou’
rebusy
wat
chi
ngher?

Me:Abebi
,youmakeitseem badwhenyouputiti
n.
Iwasj
ustchecki
nguponher, Inev
err
eal
lyspoketo
her
.

Her:NoitisbadKeenan, becauseIam youwifeand

thi
sissomet hi
ngIdeservetoknow.Youli
edtome,
andifIdidn’taskyou,youweregoingtocont
inueto
l
ietome.Thi si
sthereasonwhyRamzi tookmei n
thefi
rstplace.

Me:
IknowandIf
eel
badasi
s.

Her:Ifyouwerenotr unni
ngaroundaf terherthen
Ramz iwasn’tgoingt ogetmeKeenan, doy ou
underst
andt hat.yourmi ndwasf ocusedony our
l
itt
legir
lfr
iendthaty ouforgotaboutyourwi fe.You
couldn’
tsav emef rom Ramzi becausey ouwer e
bl
indedbyher .
Shestoodup, “Iwantheroutofmyhouse. ”Istood
upandf acedher ,
“ babyjusttwoweeks.”Hereyes
openedwi der,“
arey oubar gai
ningwit
hme? ”ok,I
havenev erseenAbebi thisangry,“
babyno,I’
mj ust
aski
ngy out ounder st
and.Shehasbeenal onefora
yearhookedondr ugsand”

Her
:andar
ehabwi
l
lsui
therj
ustf
ine.

Me:
Abebi
you’
rebei
ngunr
easonabl
e.

Shechuckled,“
unreasonabl
e?”shewal
kedintot
he
cl
osetandIf ol
lowedher,“
Abebipl
easecanwet al
k
aboutt
his.”Shestoppedwhatshewasdoingand
l
ookedatme, “
Keenandon’tmakemecommi t
homici
de,getthatgir
loutofmyhouse.I
fsheishere
bytheti
meIgetback…sohel pyouGod.
”Iscrat
ched
myheadi ndefeat,
Iwatchedherget
ti
ngdressedand
shewal
kedoutoft
hebedr
oom.
[
11/
23,
18:
17]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode138

(Aspromi
sed;Si
hleNkomothisisdedi
cat
edt
oyou!
!
Thankyoufort
hesupport
.You'r
eadarl )

*
***
***
***
***
***Abebi
***
***
***
***
**

Keenanwaspl ayi
ng,
hedoesn’tknowmeobviousl
y,
andIcheckedonmybabi esandaskedNadi
at o
watchthem forawhil
e.Ineededsomefr
eshair
befor
eIkil
ledsomeone.
Itwaschi l
l
youtandIhadl eftmyphoneandwal let,
it
wasmi ddayandIhadn’ tf
ini
shedmybr eakfast.I
washungr y,Idr
ov etoThando.IbuzzedandLakhi we
openedf orme,“heychamp, isyourmom home? ”he
shookhi shead, “butdadisint hestudy.
”Andt hen
hewal kedof fanddi sappearedintothehouse.I
walkedi ntothekitchenandopenedt hefridge,and
foundwhatIassumedt obel astni
ght’
slef t
overs.I
warmedupt helambandt hepot at
oes,Iopeneda
bottl
eofwi neandIat eintheki t
chen.Af ewmi nutes
l
aterKhenanwal kedi nandlookedar ound, “
shei sn’
t
here.
”

Him:Oh,whyar
eyousi
tt
ingi
nmyki
tchenby
your
sel
f?

Me:
I’
m hungr
y.

Hi
m:Nof
oodaty
ourhouse?
Me:
Ineededt
obeal
one.

Hegrabbedabeerfrom thefri
dgeandsatnextt
o
me,“
troubl
einparadise?
”Iletoutasi
ghandnodded,
“
whathasthati
diotdonenow? ”

Ilookedathi m andIwantedtocry,“Hey…what’
s
wr ong?”Ijustl
etthem al
lout,“
Hay i
,Abbyyou’
re
scaringmenow.Di dhecheat?”Ishookmyhead,
“kindof.”Khenanlookedatme, “Abebi
,Keenancan
beal otoft hi
ngs…butgirl
s..
.never.
”

Me:
It’
sLusanda.

Hi
m:What
?
Me:
Soy
ouknowabouther
?I’
mtheonl
yidi
ot.

Hi
m:Abebi
,youknowhedoesn’
tlov
eherr
ight
?

Me:Idon’
tknowt
hat
.She’
swal
ki
ngar
oundmy
housenaked.

Hi
m:I
t’
sal
lonesi
ded,
hef
eel
snot
hingf
orher
.

Me:Sowhyissheatt
hehouseaf
terIaskedhi
mto
t
ell
hert
oleave?

Heletoutanotherdeepsi
gh,“Abebi
hefeel
sguil
ty
t
hatthi
swhol ethi
ngishisfaul
t.I
fhehadn’
tdone
whathedidthennoneoft hi
swouldbehappeni
ng
andhewant
stor
ighthi
swr
ong.
”

Me:Andt
heonl
ywayt
odot
hati
sbymar
ryi
ngher
r
ight
?

Him:Yes,butmaybehet hi
nksthati
fhebri
ngsher
backinonepiecethenherfat
herwil
lfor
giv
ehim.

Me:
Andi
fhedoesn’
tfor
giv
ehi
m;whatt
hen?

Ok,ev
enKhenandidn’
tknowhowtoanswerthat
quest
ion,
“Idon’
tknowAbi,
andIwi
shIdidbutI
don’
t.
”

Me:WhatmustIdo?Lett
hewomanwhoi sinl
ove
wi
thmyhusbandstayi
nourhouse?Imustgi
veher
thechancet
oseducehi
m unt
ilheev
ent
ual
l
ybr
eaks
andgivesi
n?

Him:Andifyourunawayy ou’r
eleav
ingthem i
nthat
housetoget
her,whatdoy out hi
nkwil
lhappen.I
don’
tthi
nkitwil
lbediff
icultforhert
ogett ohi
mif
you’
reoutoftheway.

Me:
It’
shar
dKhenan.

Him:Iknowbuty ouhav etofight!Look,t

hisisa
shi
ttysi
tuationyou’rei
nandf uckit’
sgoingtobej ust
ashardtogetoutofi t
.Butrunningawaywi l
lnot
sol
veany t
hing,youhav echildrenandt hi
sisy our
husband,yourfami l
y,yourli
fe…ar eyougoingt o
walkawayf rom thatbecauseofsomet hi
ngt hat
happenedy earsagobef oreyouev enmetKeenan?

Me:
whatmustIdo?
Hi
m:Youst
ayandf
ight
.

Me:
Wit
hheri
nthehouse?

Hi
m:Hel
lyeah,
sheneedst
oknowwhosehousei
tis.

Itookadeepbr eath,“Abebiyou’
recapableoft hat.I
f
youcanputabul l
etthroughtheskullofthewoman
thatraisedyou.Theny oucandoany thi
ng.”
Someonecl appedt hei
rhands,“youwer edoingso
wellunt i
lyoument ionedherkil
li
ngherst epmot her.
”
Thandosai dwal ki
ngi ntotheki
tchen.Khenansmi l
ed
andl ookedguilt
y ,
“howl onghavey oubeenst anding
there?”

Thando:Longenought
oknowt
haty
ou’
rer
ight
,and
fuckedupatthesameti
me.
Me:
soy
ouagr
eewi
thhi
m?

Thando: Yeah,don’tr
un, l
ookwhathappenedt ome
whenIr an?I’
m backher e.Youchaset heproblem
outofy ourli
ves,andnott heotherwayaround.
List
en,ifKeenanchasest hatgirloutoft
hehouse
andsomet hi
nghappenst oher, hewil
lbl
amey oufor
therestofhislif
e.Hewi llhat
ehi msel
fandy ou.And
Idon’tt
hinky ouwantt hat…

Khenan:
youneedt
ogohomebabe.

Theywer eright
;Ipickeduphisphoneandt ext
ed
KeenanandaskedKhenant odriveme.Thewine
waswor kingandThandohadt ogobackt oher
rest
aur
ant .Keenanwast ooexci
tedtoseemeand
hecouldn’tstopthankingme.Iwasn’tfeel
i
ng
exci
tedaboutt
hisatal
landIhadabadf
eel
i
ngabout
i
t.

Ispenttheaf
ter
nooncooki
ngsupperaft
erwar
dsI
spentsometimewit
hmybabiesuntil
thei
rfat
hergot
back.

Wehadav eryawkwar ddinner,

butatleastLusanda
wasdr essedt hi
stime.Nobodyspokeunt i
lKeenan
clearedhisthroat,
“Nadi acanyougiveussome
privacy?
”Shequi cklygotupwi t
hherplateand
disappearedintotheki t
chen.Keenantookasipof
hisbeer,Iknewt hent hathewantedtohav ea
serioustalkandaddr essthesit
uati
onwhi chwas
verydiff
icultf
orhim.Keenanhat esconfli
ctandhe
hateshav i
ngt oputpeopl eint
heirpl
ace,orhurti
ng
thei
rfeel
i
ngs.Ifi
twer eupt ohim,ev
eryonewould
l
iveinahappywor ldwithrai
nbowsandcupcakes,
j
okingandlaughing.Iguessthati
swher ewearethe
samebecause; I
’
m notaconf ront
ati
onalper
son
eit
her.

Itoppedupmygl assandev eryonel ookedathi m,

“Uhm, Ishouldhav edonet hisear l
ier,
butyah.”He
scratchedhi shead, “Lusandat hisismywi fe,Abebi.
Abebi ,Lusanda. ”Lusandaj ustgav emet heblank
l
ook, thenKeenant urnedt ofaceme, “Baby,Lusanda
willbest ayingher efort woweeks, aswe
discussed. ”Hesai dt hatner v
ousl y,al
mostt otestif
wewer esti
llont hesamepage, andInodded.“ And
thenaf terthat,Lusanday ouwi ll
gobackhomewi t
h
Cece. ”Lusanda’ sey espoppedup, “What?”she
l
ookedatKeenan, “i
nt woweekst i
mey ouwillgo
backwi thCece, wewi llhav esomeonecomi ngt ot
he
houset otalktoy ouaboutwhathappened.Andt ry
helpingy out hroughi t.Thatwi lltake10day s,and
afterthaty oushoul dbef ittogohome. ”
Lusanda:
Andi
fI’
m notf
itenough?

Keenan:
Thenwecanarrangefort
hedoctort
ocome
homewithyouandt
reatyoufr
om ther
e.

Lusanda:
andwher
ewi
l
lyoube?

Keenan:
Her
ewi
thmyf
ami
l
y.

Lusanda:
You’
regoi
ngt
omakemef
acet
hatman
al
one?

Therewassi l
enceintheroom; Cecehadn’tsai
d
anythingt hi
swholetimeshewasj ustwat chi
ngas
thi
st hingplayedout.Keenanscratchedhishead
again,“look,whenyouar r
ivehome, I
’l
lsendmy
uncl
est opaydamagest heweekendaf t
er.Thereis
noneedf ormetobet here.”Hetookasi pofhisbeer;
Idi
dn’tmindhim payi
ngdamagesf orher.Afteral
l
hedidbreakhervir
ginit
y.Shestartedcryi
ngandI
sawKeenansof t
eningup, hewasaboutt oopenhi s
mouthandCecei nterr
upted,“Ul
i
lelantoniLusanda?”
shelookedatCece,“youknowt hatman, he’l
lkil
l
me.”

Cece:
Andhowdoescr
yinghel
p?

Lusanda:
Idon’
twantt
ogoback.

Cece:
Wher
edoy
ouwantt
ogo?

Lusanda:
Iwantt
ost
ayher
e.
Cecestoodupandcl appedherhandsonceplaci
ng
herhandsonherhips,“hehe…stayhere?I
nanother
woman’shouse…hay isanauphambeneny ani
!Uziv
a
kakhuhl
e?Ihaveagoodmi ndofstar
ti
ngmycarand
dri
vingyouhomethisinstant
.”

Lusanda:
Idi
dn’
tdot
hist
omy
sel
f.

Cece:
Arey
ousay
ingmysonf
orcedhi
msel
fony
ou?

Shelookeddown, “
no.”Ceceeventual
lysatdown,
“pho?Wher ei
stheproblem?”shecalmeddown,
“thi
shappenedyearsago,yourfat
herhasf orgott
en
aboutitandispr
obablyworri
edsickabouty ou.And
you’r
esitt
ingher
ebehav i
ngli
keahi ghschool chi
ld,
growupman! ”
Lusanda:
Iam apr
incess.

Cece:
Wel
lmay
bey
oushoul
dhav
ebehav
edl
i
keone.

Wit ht hatCecegotupandwal kedaway ,Lusanda

wasgi v i
ngKeenanpuppydogey es.Iwaswai t
ingto
hearwhathewoul dsay ,
“Ok,nowt hattheshowi s
over ,
”hi sf aceturnedhar d.“
Yourdoct orwillbehere
tomor rowy ouneedt ober eadyat10am ev eryday.
Nadi at akescar eoft hehousesoy oushoul dnot
wor ryaboutt hat,butthatalsodoesn’ tmeany ou’
re
atahol idayr esort
.”Hewasi nter
ruptedbyher ,
“Luzuko, ”shewhi mper ed.Keenant ookadeep
breat he, “Abebiisthewomanoft hehouse; youwill
showhert herespectthatshedeser v
es.IfIhearthat
youar ebei ngdiffi
cult,Iwil
lnotthinktwiceabout
puttingy ouonabusbackhome. ”Tear sstart
ed
streami ngdownherf ace, “
Luzukopl ease.
”
Keenanwasf i
ghtinghi semot ionshereandt hey
tookov er,hel ower edhi svoiceandr eachedf orher
hand, “Lusandat hisi smyl i
fenow.Youcannot
makemesuf ferforwhathappenedwhenwer e
chil
dren.Ihav eawi fethatIlovedear l
yandt hree
beautiful children;Icannotgi veyouwhaty ouwant .
Nothinghaschanged, Ileftbecausey ouwant ed
mor ethanIcoul dof f
er,andy ou’r
edoingi tagain.
Now, youneedt oacceptt hatAbebiownsmyhear t
,
oryougobackhomet hisinstant.
”Shewasnoddi ng
ashespoke, “I
’m sor ry.
”Hest oodupandwentt o
crouchi nf rontofher .Hehuggedherandwas
rubbingherback, “ don’tcry,i
t’
snotthatbad.Your
parentsar ehappyt hatyou’resafeandt heypr obably
havef or gottenaboutt heev entsofthepast .”

Shehadhiccupsnow, “
canIgol i
edown? ”Keenan
st
oodupandhel pedherup, “yeah,getsomer est
we’
llseeyouinthemor ni
ng.”Shewal kedoutofthe
di
ningroom andupthest ai
rs;Keenansatdownand
si
ghed,“t
hankyou.”Isaidholdinghishand,hedidn’
t
sayanyt
hingbutgulpeddownhisbeer.Af
terawhile
hestoodup,snatchi
nghishandfr
om me,“I’
m goi
ng
foradri
ve,don’
twaitup.
”Andheleftme…Thef uck!
!

*
***
***
***
***
***Keenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***

Idon’tknowwhybutIf eltbadf orthat

,I’
m sure
Abebi hatesmer ightnow.Thi ngi sI’
veknown
Lusandamywhol elife,
andseei nghercr yand
vulnerableli
kethatgott ome.She’ snevercri
ed,I
meanev er.She’
sal waysbeenat oughone, and
that’
swhyIwassof ondofher .Shewasoneoft he
guy sandwegotal ongwel l.Iknowt hetypeofman
herf
atheri
s,andIam put
ti
ngheri
nat
ightspot
…but
i
tneedstobedone.

Idrovet oKhenan’ shouseandIwasgr eetedby

Khany i
, “
ohl ookwhof inall
ydeci dedt ov i
sit?”Igav e
herthel ook, thi
schildhasamout honher , butI
mustadmi tIhav ebeennegl ect i
nghersi nceImov ed
out.“Youandme, i
ceskat i
ngonSat urday.”She
smilesandcomest ohugme, “canIbr ingmy
fri
end? ”Igiv ehertheshockedl ook, “whycompl ain
then?”shel aughs,“Tomakey ouf eelguilt
y…dadi s
i
nt hest udy ,I’
ll
seey ouSat urday.Andbr i
ngy our
creditcard; youhav eal otofmaki ngupt odo. ”She
runsof f,Ishakemyheadandmakemywayt ot he
study.Khenani ssitti
ngathi sdeskwi thhisgl asses
on,“reall
y ?”hel ooksupatmeandshr ugs,“ What ?
”I
roll
myey esandpourmy selfadr i
nk, “whatar ey ou
doing?”
Hi
m:Wor
k,whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?

Me:
Ineededsomeai
r.

Hi
m:Air
?Youl
eftAbebii
nthehousewit
hyourol
d
f
uckbuddy
?Howy outhi
nkthatwi
ll
end?

Me:
Ispoket
oher
.

Hetookoffhi
sglassesandli
stenedasifIwasgoi
ng
togi
vehim aj
uicystor
y,“
and?”Iletoutasi
gh,“
I
don’
tknow,If
eelbad.”

Hi
m:Forwhat
?Whathappenedexact
ly?

Me:
Itol
dLusandashehast
orespectAbby
,andt
hat
I
’
m sendi
ngherhomewi
thCece.

Hi
m:Good.

Me:Youweren’
tther
eman.Cecewental
lcr
azyon
herandshewascryi
ng.

Hi
m:Whywasshecr
ying?

Me:
Shedoesn’
twantt
ogoback.

Hi
m:Whatdoesshewantt
odo?

Me:
Tost
ayher
e.

Hi
m:Wi
thy
ou?
Inodded,
hel
aughed,
“I’
m gl
ady
ouf
indi
tfunny
.”

Hi
m:Yout
hinkshest
il
ll
ovesy
ou?

Me:
Yeah,
andIt
hinkAbebi
canseet
hatt
oo.

Hi
m:anddoy
oul
oveher
?

Me:
Likemysi
ster
.

Hi
m:Youdon’
twantt
otapt
hatass?

Me:
Khenanpl
ease.

Hi
m:Ij
ustwantt
omakesur
e,sowhatnow?

Me:
Idon’
tknow,
li
kewhenshest
art
edcr
yingIf
elt
sobad.

Hi
m:Forwhatexact
ly?

Me:
Ilef
ther
.

Him:Theywantedy outomar r
yherKeenan,doyou
under
standthat.at17year
s,youwer egoi
ngtobe
someone’shusband?You’veonlybeenmarri
edfor
whatanhour,how’sthatworki
ngout?

Me:
Don’
tbeanass.

Hi
m: whatI
’mtryi
ngtosayisyouwer
en’tgoi
ngt obe
agoodhusbandtoher,
plusyoudi
dn’
tloveher.You
woul
dbemi ser
able.

Me:
Idon’
tknowwhatt
odoKay
.
Him:Honestl
y,Isaysendherbackhomet omorr
ow
andpaydamages.Idon’tseeanygoodcomi ngf
rom
thi
s,sheseemsliketr
oubl
efrom whatIhear.

Me:
Shest
il
lhast
orecov
er.

Hi
m:Fr
om what
?

Me:
From Ramzi
.

Him:Idon’
tthi
nkshewasaf
fect
edmuchbythat
,
shewouldn’
tbetr
yingt
opur
sueanot
herwoman’
s
manifshewas.

Me:
shei
sn’
ttr
yingt
opur
sueme.

Hi
m:Wal
ki
ngar
oundhal
fnaked?Want
ingt
ost
ay…
whatdoy
oucal
lthat
?

Me:
shei
smyf
ri
end.

Him:andthati
sbli
ndi
ngyou,andify
oudon’tdo
anyt
hingabouti
t,i
tmi
ghtcostyouyourwi
fe.

Me:
Abebi
woul
dnev
erl
eav
eme.

Hi
m:Andwhydoy
ousayso?

Me:
Shel
ovesmet
oomuch.

Him:Haha…somet i
meslov ei
snotenough.Thisgi
rl
hasalreadyputadri
ftbet
weeny out
wo.Thel onger
sheisinthathousethewidert
hedri
ftwil
lget
betweeny ouandyourwif
e.Sendherhomeman.
Iknewhewasr i
ght,butIcoul dn’
tbringmy sel
fto
doingi t
.What ’
stwoweeks, Icanhandl et hi
s.We
spokesomemor euntilhi
sphoner ang, “hihoney…
yeah( l
augh)alri
ghtI’l
ltel
lhim…goodni ghtsweety.”
Hel ookedupatme, “yourwi feneedsy ouhome
now. ”Iletoutasighandt ookt helastofmydr ink
andst oodup, “
seey ou,SaturdayI’mt akingKhany i
skating.”Henoddedandwal kedmeout .

WhenIgothomeAbebi wasinbed,
“hey
.”Shesai
d
asIentered,
Istr
ippedandgoti
ntobedwit
hher,“
are
youok?”Ipull
edhercloset
omeandputheronmy
chest
,“Iam now.”
Thenextcoupleofday swer egood; Ispentthem at
homewi thmyf amily
.Thandocal l
edonFr i
daynight
tocanceliceskati
ngwi t
hKhany i
,shehadt hefl
uand
wasinbed.Somydaywascancel l
ed.Abebi andthe
kidsweregoingtothezoo, Idi
dn’tunder st
andbutI
l
etthem be.WhenIof feredtojoi
nt hem, Iwastoldi
t
wasa‘ gi
rl
’sday’.

Thehousewasqui etwitheveryonegone;sheev en
tookNadiawi thher .Imadeasandwi ch,Igrabbeda
beerandt ookittot hestudy.AssoonasIopened
thelapt
opIhadt onsofemai l
sfloodi
ngin.whydi dI
evendot his,Ist
aredatt hescreenwhileeating
contemplatingonwhet herornottoactual
lywor k.
ThedooropenedandLusandawal kedi n,“ar ey ou
busy ?
”Il ookedather ,“youdi dn’tgot ot hezoo? ”she
l
aughed, “zoo?Real ly
,y oushoul dknowmebet ter
thant hat .”shewal kedt owar dsmydesk; shewas
wear i
ngapai rofbum shor tsandanov ersizedl azy
vest .Shewasn’ twear ingabr a;Icouldseehersi de
boob.“ WhatcanIdof ory ouLusanda? ”Icl earmy
throat ,“
wasbor ed, sowant edt oseewhaty ou’re
doing. ”Shewal kedbehi ndmychai randt ouchedmy
shoul ders, Itensedup, “
what ’swr ong? ”sheasked,
“not hi
ng, ”Iclearedmyt hroatagai n, “
you’ ret ense.”
Shest artedr ubbingmyshoul ders,massagi ngme.
“Doest hatf eelgood? ”Sheaskedr ightinmyear !
Fuck, Iwenthar d…Keenanwhati swr ongwi t
hy ou.
Herhandmadei t
swaydownmychestandst omach
andshet ouchedmymanhood, “Lusanda! ”Igr abbed
herhand, shegi ggled; “wantmet otakecar eoft hat
fory ou? ”Sheki ssedmyneck, Istoodup, “getout .
”
Thatcameoutal mostasashout ;shelookedatme
shockedandscar ed, “
ISAI DOUT! !”Shehal fr anout
ofthest udy ,Iwasbr eat hi
ngheav y.Keenanget
your selftoget her,y oust upi
dman!Ipour eda
whi skeyandt ooki tallbackatonce, andanot herone.
Iwassti
ll
har
d,andIcouldn’
tgetthei
mageofher
outofmymind…Idial
ledAbebi
,“heydaddy
.”Gui
lt
consumedme,“heybabe,ar
eyouguyshavingf
un?”

Her
:Yeah,
missusal
ready
?

Me:Yeah,
I’
mthi
nki
ngofgoi
ngt
oseeMi
ke.I
’
m
bor
ed.

Her:
goahead,
don’tdr
inkt
oomuch.Ihav
ea
sur
pri
sef
oruslat
er.

Me:
Whati
sit
?

Her
:Asur
pri
se,
Igot
tago.

Me:
Ilov
eyousosomuch.
Her
:Ok,
mwa.

Shecutt hephoneandIst i
lldidn’tfeel bett
er .I
grabbedmykey sandheadedout .Ispentt her estof
thedaywi thMi keunt il
Iconfirmedt hatAbebi was
homeandIwentback.If oundheri nt hekitchenwi th
Lusanda; t
heywer epackinggr oceriesandhav inga
youngchat .Myhear tstart
edbeat i
ngf asterandI
wonder edwhatLusandahadt oldher .Igrabbeda
beerfrom t hefridgeandsatdown, “howwast he
zoo?”Isi ppedmydr i
nkandl istent oAbebi tell
me
aboutit.Iwast ryi
ngbyal l
meanst oav oidanyey e
contactwi thLusanda; shewasnowi njeansanda
roundneckt ee…Ihadf l
ashesofherear li
er,
“Keenan…babe. ”Isnappedoutofi t, “
hi.”Ilookedat
Abebi,“uhm? ”sheshookherhead, “youcompl etely
zonedout .
”Shegi ggledandLusandal aughedt oo,I
l
ookedi nherdi recti
onandshewi nkedatme.I
quickl
yl ookedbackatAbebi ,“whatwer eyousay i
ng
myl
ove?
”sher
oll
edherey
es,
“di
nnert
oni
ght
.”

Me:
Ok,
wher
e?

Her
:What
’sgot
teni
ntoy
ou?

Me:
Sor
ry,
Ijustneedt
oli
edown.

Her
:Al
ri
ght
,ourr
eser
vat
ioni
sfor7pm.Lookni
ce.

Ithr
ewtheempt
ybot
tl
eint
hebi
nandheadedt
omy
room.
It’
s6pm andI ’
m st andingatt hebot tom oft hest ai
rs,
“Babyl etsgo!!”Ilookedatmywat ch,“5mi nutes.”
Thiswomant hough, “
yousai dt hat15mi nut esago!!
Ifyou’renother ei n30secondsI ’
m…. ”Ifrozeand
l
ookedatmywi f
e.Shewal keddownt hest airsina
nudel eatherdr ess;itwassot ightli
keasecondl ayer
ofskin.Herwai stissot i
ny;youcoul dnev ersayshe
gav ebirt
ht otripletsaf ewmont hsback.Her
cleavagewasshowi ngandIj ustwant edt odi vein
there,fuckmywi feishot.It’
sal mostl i
keshewas
walkinginsl owmot i
onwi thherhai rcurledbounci ng
offhershoul der swi t
heachst epshet ook.Shehad
redlipsti
ckandhermakeupwasonpoi nt .

Shefinal
l
yr eachedme, “I
’
mr eady.
”Shesaid,“
Baby…
i
…y ou…”shebl ushed,“
youlookgorgeous.
”AndI
madehert urnaroundandspankedherass, “
Ican’t
waitt
ogetback. ”Iwashar dasarock,andIwanted
tohaveherr i
ghtthereandthen.“
Whereareyouguy s
going?”Lusandawal kedinasIwasdr ooli
ngallov
er
mywi fe,“
dinner
…l et’
sgobabe. ”Isai
d,“Bye
Lusanda,”Abebisaidasshemadeherwayt othe
door,Ifol
lowedhert henstoppedwhenLusanda
spankedmyass.Il ookedather,shewinkedand
walkedaway .

Lor
dwhyme?
?
[
11/
23,
18:
17]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode139

*
***
***Nar
rat
ed
Keenanhasn’
tbeenabl
etot
akehi
sey
esof
fhert
he
wholeti
me;hekept
st
eal
ingki
ssesast
heydrov
etoPi
gal
l
e.Thi
spl
ace
wasbeaut
if
ul,
thev
alet
openedAbebi
’
sdoorandKeenanwasal
readyt
her
e,
“Igoti
t.
”Hesai
dto
thepoorguy,whopr
oceededt
othedr
iver
’sseat
.He
heldherhand
hel
pingheroutthever
ylowJ50,
hehadout
done
hi
mselftoni
ght.He
hasn’
tdri
ventheFer
rar
isi
ncehegoti
t,andt
oni
ght
hefel
ttheneedto
appar
entl
yaft
erseei
ngAbbywal
kdownt
hosest
air
s.
“Di
dItel
lyouhow
gorgeousyoulook?”heaskedasheputhi
shandon
thesmallofherback
l
eadi
ngheri
nside.Thegentl
emanatt
hedoor
gr
eet
edthem andledthem
tothei
rtabl
e,andtheywer
eseat
edandhav
inga
glassofwinewhil
e
deci
dingwhattoeat
.Keenanl
ookedather
,“sowhat
i
stheoccasion?”
Sheshookherheadsmi
l
ing,
“Ij
ustt
houghty
ou
deser
vethi
s.You’
ve
beensowonderful
especi
all
ywi
tht
hesi
tuat
ionat
hand.You’
ret
ryi
ngto
makeever
yonehappyandIthi
nkyoudeser
vethe
same.
”Hesmiledandasti
ngofguil
t.I
fonl
yshe
knew,heletoutasi gh,"Ilovey ousomuchAbebi ,
wordscan'tevendescr ibe."Shesmi l
edshyly
towardshim, "
Iknow."Sher esponded,"
Andt hat
's
whyIwanti goty outhis."Shesl i
daboxov erthe
tabl
eathim, hesmi l
edandopened, i
twasaBr eguet
andFilewatch.Hel ookedathershocked, "babyI
can'
texceptthis.
"Hesai dclosingtheboxand
pushi
ngitbackt owar dsher ."Youcanandy ouwill
sheresponded.Hel etoutasi gh.
Abebi
:tr
yiton.
Hesmil
edandwashesi t
ant,"
Iwantt oeat,sonow
woul
dbegood! "Hejustl
aughedshaki ngherhead,
hesl
idi
tonandcl i
ppedit.I
tfitperfect
lyandhe
coul
dn'
tcontai
nhishappiness,"Ihopey oudi
dn'
tuse
mychil
dren'
sinher
it
anceont his!"
Shel
etoutal
aughandshookherhead.

Theyhadar omant
iceveni
ngandl
atert
hatni
ght
Keenanshowedherexactl
yhowmuchhe
appreci
atedher
.
*
***
*Keenan*
***

Iwokeupf eelingfresh,damnAbebi .Fuckt hat

womani smagi chethoughtwhi letakingashower .
Shewasst il
linbed, aft
erlastnightIdon' texpecther
uptil
lafter12h00.Imademywayt ot hebabi es'
room.Itsmel tofbabypowderandl ot i
on,Iwal ked
overtoChi oke'sbed.Hewast r
yingt osuckhi stoe
thumbandf aili
ngmi serably."
Heybuddy ,whyar e
youup? ?"Ipickedhi m upandhest artedgi ggling.He
smeltsof resh, Nadiawasamazi ng.Wewal kedov er
tohisbrother'scotandhewasasl eepandwhyam I
surpr
ised.Hi ssi st
erwasn'tinhercot ,butIhear dthe
waterandknewshewasget ti
ngherbat h."Wanna
saygoodmor ningtosissy??Let '
sgo. "Wewal ked
i
ntotheirensui tandf oundLusandawashi ngmy
daughter,Iletoutmybr eathslowly,"Lusanda? "
Her
:mor
ningdaddy
..
.lookwho'
sher
e.Sayhel
l
o.
Me:
whati
sthi
s??
Her
:I'
m helpi
ngout
,aft
erever
ythi
ngy
ouhav
edone
f
orme...I
t'
sthel
eastIcoul
ddo.
Sheli
ftedmydaught erfr
om theli
ttl
etuband
wrappedherinatowel ,
"thankyou,Iappr
eci
atei
t.
Butli
keIexplai
nedNadi aisheretohelpout
,soi
s
Cecesot hi
sisn'
tnecessary."
Lusanda:wel
lIwasbored,andmaybeNadianeeds
somer est
.Tr
ipl
etsar
en'tt
hateasyyouknow.
Me:
butshecanhandl
eit
..
.al
ongwi
thmeandAbby
.
Her
:Iwon'
tdoany
thi
ngt
oyourbabi
es.
Me:
hmmm.
..
Her:y
oudon'tt
rustme,
wel
lyoushoul
d.They
'l
lbe
minesoonenough.
Me: y
ousee nowyou'
retal
ki
ngcrazy.
..t
hisi
s
exactl
yther
easonwhyIdon'
twantyounearthem.
Her
:buty
ouwantmeneary
ou.
Me:
you'
resi
ck.
Her
:that
'snotwhaty
ousai
dint
hest
udy
..
.
Me:
not
hinghappened.
Her:
reall
y.
..Icoul
dhavesworny
ourdi
ckwashar
d..
.
i
t'
sgottenbiggerf
rom t
heti
meIremember
.
Me:
Lusa-
Sheputherf ingeronmyl ips,"sshhhdaddy,Iwon't
tel
li
fy oudon't."Shethenki ssedmyl ipsandwal ked
toatt
endmydaught er.RightthenNadi awalkedin
andfroze, "
sorrysir.
"Iletoutasi gh,"
comei n,It
hink
Lusandacoul duset hehel p..
."Igavehermyson
andwal kedout .Isatoutsidehav ingacigar
ette.
..
nxathisgirli
sf ucki
ngar ound! !Sheevengotme
smoking...nxa!!

*
***
**Abebi
***
*

Ihadjustgott
enup, andIheardact i
vi
tyonthebaby
monitor.Mybabiesar eupithoughttomyselfunt
ilI
heardKeenantalking.Ipi
ckedupt heminut
esand
wentintotheclosetsonobodycat chesme..
.what
thehell
!!?
?
Iwasf uming,butli
kealway sIdidn'twantt oact
crazywithoutanyproof.Iputt hemoni t
orbackand
cleanedupt heroom beforetakingashower .
Downst ai
rstherewasbuzzi ngwhenIev ent uall
ygot
there."
Andwhat 'sgoi
ngon? "IaskedKeenanwho
hadbabybagswi thhi
m.Hesmi led,"
mor ningbaby .
"
Igotonmyt oesandkissedhi m, "Wherear ey ou
goingwi t
hmybabi es??"Igav ehimt heey e,"Thando
want stoseethem forabit."
Me:
andy
ouwer
en'
tgoi
ngt
otel
lme?
?
Hi
m: It
houghty
ou'
dbeasl
eepf
oral
i
ttl
ewhi
l
e
l
onger.
Me:
I'
ll
leti
tsl
i
debecauseofl
astni
ght
.

Iwinkedathimt henspankedhisassasIwal ked

i
ntot hekit
chen,"I
'
mt aki
ngNadiawi t
h!!"Heshouted
fr
om t hedoor.Ij
usti
gnoredhim,Lusandawal ked
i
ntot hekit
chen.Sheseemedhappy ,"good
mor ning.
..
"If
akedasmi l
e,"hi
,areyougood? ?"
Her
:coul
dn'
tbebet
ter
.
Me:ohl
ookwhogoti
tal
lthismorni
ng.
..ski
pinyour
st
epandasmil
eonyou'
reface.Wantt
oshare??
Her
:notr
eal
l
y..
.Idon'
twantt
oji
nxany
thi
ng.
..
Me:
oh.
..wel
lIhopei
tal
lgoeswel
l
...

Shewast ooexci
tedformyli
kingsoIhadyopopher
bubble,
"haveyouspokentoyourfat
her
?"Herf
ace
changedimmediatel
y,Idi
dahappydanceinmy
head.
Her
:no.
..whydoy
ouask?
?
Me:becausey
ou'
regoi
nghomei
n..
.yum what
..
.4
day
s.

Sheclearedhert
hroat
,"t
omorrowisyourl
ast
sessi
onr i
ght?
?"Shenodded,"
itwoul
dbeagood
i
deatol ett
hefol
ksknowy ou'
recomingbackhome.
"
Her
:yeahIguess.
Me:
letmegetmyphone,
wecandoi
tri
ghtnow.
Luckil
yf orherthebuzzerwentof f,
"that'
sthe
doctor.
"Shej umpedupt oopen.Nxat hisbit
chgot
somenev er.Shewentout ,myphonebeeped.Gosh
soearlyint hemorning.Igrabbeditfrom t
hecount er
andouti nmypat tern.Itwasincorr
ect,Itr
iedagain
andnot hing.Fewmor et i
mesunt i
lIhadexceeded
myt ri
es...Gosh,i
twasKeenan' sphone.Iwai tedthe
20secondsbef or
eent eri
nghispattern,Ir
eadhi s
messageandi twasf rom Mike.Seemedur gent.I
cal
ledmynumber ,"
Yousav edmynameasKeenan. .
.
WOW."Il aughed.
Me:
whatshoul
ditbe?
?
Hi
m:Hubby
,Myl
i
ve.
..myhear
t.
..myl
i
fe.
Me:
whatever
,stopbei
ngababy
..
.Pl
easecal
lMi
ke.
Hej
ustsentatext
.
Hi
m:say
ing?
Me:
9am.
..KP2.Seemski
ndai
mpor
tant
.
Hi
m:shi
t.
..I
'
lldr
optheki
dsof
fwi
thThandoandwi
l
l
pi
ckt
hem upinanhour.
Me:
don'
twor
ryI
'
llgett
hem,
Iknowanhourt
oyou.
Hi
m:y
ou'
ret
hebest
.I'
l
lcal
lfr
om y
ourl
i
ne.
Me:
cool
..
.dr
ivesaf
e.
Hi
m:l
ovey
out
oo.

Icutthecal
landlaughed,Isi
ppedi nmycof feeand
anothermessagecamei n.Shi
t,hepr obablyhasn't
cal
ledMikeback.Iopeneditandi twasapi ctur
eof
Lusandainatowel ,
andanothermessageofher
l
ookinginthetowel.Asecondlater,afullnude...
i
checkedthehist
oryandtherewasnoconv ersati
on
betweenthem before.
Thi
sgir
lwast
est
ingme,
Idi
aledI
ce,
"Andhef
inal
l
y
cal
l
s."
Me:
ohshutup,
Ineedaf
avour
.
Hi
m:goodmor
ning.
.
Me:I'
m sendi
ngyouanumber ,
Iwantthehi
stor
y
bet
weent henumberandKeenan'
sli
ne.
Hi
m:andwhyam Idoi
ngt
hisagai
n??
Me:
becausey
ou'
reagoodper
sonanddon'
twantt
o
seeahappyhomebr
oken.
Hi
m:wai
twhydoy
ouhav
ehi
sphone?
?
Me:
het
ookmi
neacci
dent
all
y.
Hi
m:andy
ouhackedhi
spasswor
d?
Me:
no.
..Iknowi
t.
Hi
m:t
hent
hehi
stor
yisal
lther
e.
Me:
arey
ougoi
ngt
ohel
pmeornow.

Hel
etoutasi
gh,
"I'
l
lcal
lyoui
n30.
"Ismi
l
ed,
"You'
re
t
hebest
."
It
ookt
hephonewi
thmet
othest
udy
..
.
Iopenedt hecomput erandwentst r
aightforthe
surveil
lancefootage...Ilookedt hroughwhathas
beenhappeni ngsincewecamebackf r
om Ital
y .
..
andt hereitwas..
.thisgi rltr
ynaseducemyhusband.
Isawt hespankf rom l astnight.Whatt hehell.
..Iwas
fur
ioust osaythel east .
..Keenankeptt hisfrom me,
hewaspr otect
inghery etagainandt hi
stimei twas
i
nmyhouse.Ohhe' l
lno, Idi
dn'
tr eal
isethatIhad
tearsst r
eami ngdownmyey es, Iwipedt hem qui ckly
ast hephoner ang.ItwasIce,"hey ."Ianswer ed
tryi
nghar dt obenor mal,"Beb...what '
swr ong? ?"I
sniffed,"Hey ,it'
sclean,heisn'tdoingany t
hingapar t
from af ewmessagesf r
om thismor ning..
.(heletout
asi gh)whi chIassumey ousawbecausey ouhav e
hisphone. "Isobbed, "t
hanks...we'lltalk.
"Icutt he
phonebef orehecoul devensayany t
hing.Asmuch
asI ceandIhav ebecomesor toff r
iendsaf terfinding
outwhathappenedt omyf at
her ,t
hiswast oomuch
andIcoul dn'texpresshowIf elttohim.Isatt here
forawhi l
et hinkingwhatt odoandhowt ohandl e
thissituation.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Iwokeupwheni
twasdar
kout
side,
shi
tmybabi
es.I
cal
l
edThando,
"Keenan.
..
"
Me:
it'
sme.
Her:hey
,I'
vebeent
yingtogetahol
dofy
oubuty
our
phoneistaki
ngmetov oi
cemail
.
Her
:ar
eyouok?
Me:
I'
m good,
doy
oumi
ndi
fIGeor
gebabi
es
t
omorr
ow??
Her
:no,
butwhat
'
swr
ong?
?
Me:
we'
l
ltal
kwhenIseey
ou.
Her
:ar
eyousur
eyoudon'
twantmet
ocomeov
er?
Me:
I'
mfi
neThando.
..t
hanky
ou.
Her
:al
ri
ghtbabe,
wil
ltal
ktoy
out
omor
row.
IcheckedKeenan' sphoneandt her
ewer etonsof
mi ssedcall
sandmessages.Somef r
om peopleI
didn'tevenknow.Ididn'
tbotherwithevenrepl
ying
andIt ookashower .WhenIgotdownst air
sCece
washav i
ngcoffeeandcakewhi lewatchi
ngthe
Kar dashi
ans.Shelookedatmeanddi dn'
tsay
any thi
ng,Iwal
kedt otheki
tchenandcheckedt he
warmer .IfoundMacandcheeseandwar meditupa
bitthensatatthetabl
ewit
h2beers.Shewalkedin,
"Andt helongface?
"Shesatdownacrossme.Ijust
shruggedandcont i
nuedt
oeat."Whatdidshedo
now? ?"
Il
ookedather
,"shest
il
lwant
shi
m."
Her
:weal
lknowt
hat
.Butdoeshewanther
??
Me:
no.
Her
:sowher
eist
hepr
obl
em?
?
Me:
whyi
shenott
ell
i
ngher
?
Her
:hedoesn'
twantt
oherherf
eel
i
ngs.
Me:
Andmyf
eel
i
ngs?

Shekeptqui
et,
Ishowedhert
hepict
ures.Shewas
mort
ifi
ed,"
andwhatdi
dhesay?"
Me:
hehasn'
tseent
hem.

Shel
ookedconf
usedandIexpl
ain.Wet
alkedabout
herandt heirpast,Cecewasnowdr i
nkingwineand
shewashel l
atipsy.Shewasgi v
ingmeadv i
ceon
howt obest rongandal l
.Iwasn'theari
ngit,
Iwanted
togoupt hereandkickherass.Butt hatwasthe
alcoholspeaking,Itoowaskindofdr unk.Cece
call
editani ghtandIwentt othestudyandwat ched
thevideoov erandov eragai
n.

Itwasmor ni
ngandKeenanwasst illj
otback, oneof
themessagesonhi sphonedi dsayhewoul dbe
backlat e.Ihadaci gar et
teont hepor chandwent
upstairs,whenIwenti ntomybedr oom Ihear da
dooropen.Iknewi twasn' tCecebecauseaf terlast
nightshewoul dn'tbeupt hi searl
y.Istoodbymy
bedroom doorl i
stening.Thent hebabi es'bedroom
dooropenedandIwal kedt here.IfoundLusandai n
alongdr esswi t
hadoekonherhead, "
And? "Iasked
standingi nthedoor way .Shegotaf ri
ghtbutt ri
ed
hidi
ngi t,"uhm...you'r
eup? "Igavehert helook,so
areyou. "Shelookedgui l
tyofsomet hi
ng, "
Ijust
thoughtI 'dhelpbatht hebabi es.
"
Me:
theyar
en'
ther
e.
Her
:oh.
..I
'
llmakebr
eakf
astt
hen.
Me:
oh,t
hatwoul
dbegr
eat
..
.yourmanwi
l
lbeback
i
nafewhour
s.

Shedidn'
trespondandIl eftherjuststandingther
e.I
gottomyr oom andtookacol dshower ,t
healcohol
wasstil
linmysy stem butIfeltawake.Ifound
LusandaIt heki
tchen,"smellsgood."Therewasway
toomuchf oodforjustthefourofus.ButIkeptqui et
andgotabeerf r
om thef r
idge, t
hisshouldhelpwith
thi
sli
ttl
ehangov er.
Igrabbedaf ewbl ackbagsandl ef
thertocook, I
gott oherr oom andopenedmybeerwi thmyt eeth.
Howhadt hischil
dgot t
ensomuchcl othesandshe
wasonl ygonnabeher ef ortwoweeks?Ipacked
everythinginthebl ackbags, twower efulandt he
otherhadhershoes.Idr oppedt hem fr
om t hetopof
thest air
s,onehitt hesmal ltabl
eandt hev asebroke
ontot hef l
oor.Thatseemedt ogeteveryone's
attention,t
hef rontdoorf l
ewopenwi thKeenan
runningi nlooki
ngwor r
ied.Hedi dn'
tcomebackl ast
night,helookedatme, "
babyar ey ouok?Ihear d
glassbr eak."Iignor edhi m andt hrewt hel astbag
down, "
somuchnoi sesoear l
yint hemor ning."Cece
saidcomi ngoutherr oom hol dingherhead.I
i
gnor edev eryoneandwal keddownt hest ai r
s
sippingonmybeer ,"Ab- "Keenanst ar tedandIshot
himt heey eandhequi cklykeptqui et.Oneoft he
bagshadpoppedopenandhercl otheswer eallover
thef l
oor,"whatar ey oudoi ngwi t
hmycl othes? "And
thenmyphoner ang, Wel l Keenan' sphone, "hell
o...
.
oht hat'
sgr eat..
.comi ng. "Icutthecal l andl ookedt o
Keenan, "cany oul oadt hesebagsi nt hecar ?"He
didn'tevenaskanyquest ionsandst ar teddoi ng
whatIasked." You. ..takeof fmyapr onandgetout
ofmyhouse. "Shel ookedatmewi thherey eswi de
open, "I
'm notleav i
ng. "It ilt
edmeheadt ot heside
andl ookedatherconf used, "didIaskaquest i
on? "
Shef oldedherar ms, oht hisgirlwast empt ingme. ..
i
nmyownhouse.It ookasi pofmybeerandwal ked
towar dsher .
..Igrabbedherar mt ryingt opul lherout
bitshewoul dn'tbudge. .shewasmuchbi ggert han
mebutIwasn' tgoi ngt ost op.Islappedheracr oss
herf ace,i
tst ungonmyhandandshei mmedi ately
turnedredandl ift
edherhandt osl apback,"
touch
herIdarey ou."IheardCecespeakbehi ndme.She
putherhanddown, "
thecabwi l
ltakey ouback
home. .
.itwasni cemeetingyou."Kt urnedtowalk
away ,"
I'
m notgoi nganywher
e. "Ilookedatherand
l
aughed, Keenanwal kedinwithIcet hi
st i
me.
"Keenanpleaseescor tyourf
riendt othecab..
."he
hesitat
ed,"Ice?"

Keenan:
ok.
..Lusandal
et'
sgo?
Lusanda:
no.
Keenan:
whathappened?
?

Hesaidthatlooki
ngatme,Ithr
ewtheemptybot
tl
e
athi
m andheducked, "
Isai
dgethert
hefuckoutof
myhouse!!"
Voice:
Sheisn'tgoi
ngany
wher
e,t
hati
snowayt
o
speaktoaprincess!
!
[
11/
23,
18:
18]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode140
Ther oom wentsi lent ;
Lusandast artedcr yi
ngand
rani ntoherfather ’
sar ms, “ssssshh…i t
’sal r
ight .
Daddyi sherebaby .”Her ubbedherbackandt heyl et
goaf terawhile,“Luzuko. ”Hesai dtoKeenan,
“mol weni tat
a, ni
njani ?”hedi dn’tevenbot hert o
answerhi m,“wi l
lyounoti nviteusi n?”wewer eall
standi ngatthef oy er;Keenanl ookedatme, “ please
thisway .
”Hei ndicat edandl edt hem tot helounge,
“comechi ld,
wehav et omaket ea.”Cecesai d.We
wal kedt otheki t
chenandf oundt onsoff oodandi t
allclickednow, t
hisgi rlknewherf atherwascomi ng,
Iwonderwhatshehasuphersl eeves.Wemadet ea
andser vedthem, theki ngwasher ewi t
ht woot her
men.Keenanwassi tti
ngont hecouchf acinghi m,
andLusandawasont hesi de.Weser vedt het eaand
Isatdownnextt oKeenanl ookingatt heki ng, “you’re
Luzuko’ swi f
e.”Islowl ynod, “ t
hatiscor rect.
”
Hi
m:andy
ouknowwhyIam her
eri
ght
.
Me:
BecauseLusandaaskedy
out
ocomeIassume.
Hi
m:Cheeky
,butno.I
t’
sbecausey
ourhusband
br
oket
herul
esandhenowhast omakethingsr
ight
.
Me:Iam awar
eofthat
,andli
kewehaddiscussed
wi
thLusanda;
Keenanwil
lsendhi
suncl
esnextweek
t
ocomepaydamages.
Hi
m:Andl
obol
a?
Me:
Whatabouti
t?

KeenansqueezedmyhandandIgav ehimthelook,
“what?
”hel ookedattheking,“
wit
hallduer
espect
sir
,Iam notmar r
yingyourdaught
er.
”
King:
Iwasn’
taski
ng,
iti
str
adi
ti
onandi
twon’
tst
op
now.
Me:I
t’syourtradi
ti
on,
andwhyi
sitt
hatonl
yKeenan
hastosuffer
?WasLusandanott
heonewhoopened
herl
egsforhim?
Hi
m:Wat
chhowy
out
alkt
omey
ounggi
rl
.
Me: Thi
sismyhouse,y
oulef
ty ourki
ngdom and
peoplebackhome.Soyouwatchhowy outal
ktome
here.
Him:Keenanar
eyougoi
ngt
olety
ourwi
fet
alkt
ome
l
iket
hat.
Keenan:Wi
thallduer
espectsi
r,It
oldyouthismany
year
sagoandI ’
vetol
dLusandaoverandov er.I
don’
tlov
eher;Idon’
twanttobeherhusband.
Hi
m:Thenwehav
etodoar
it
ual
.
Me:
Rit
ual
?
Cece:
Hay
iSenzo,
rit
ual
forwhatnow?
Hi
m:weneedt
otal
ktot
heancest
orsaboutt
his.
Me:
Yourancest
ors,
whyi
sKeenani
nvol
vedi
nthat
?
Cece:Hay
ithisr ubbi
sh,youcanseethatthese
chi
ldr
endon’tlov eeachother
.Theyfool
edar ound
l
ongtimeago; theboysaidhewi l
lpaymanje?
Hi
m:Andt
hechi
l
d?

Weal ll
ookedathim notknowingwhatt osay ,“…
andiva?
”Ceceasked, Keenanti
ghtenhi sgriponmy
handasIt ri
edtotakeitaway.“Keenany ouhav e
broughtshamet othi
sf amil
yandy ouhav etodo
ri
ghtbyt hepri
ncess.
”Thatwast helastthingIheard,
Iwasst ari
ngoutthewindowwat chingther ai
n.I
total
l
yzonedout ,“
Abby …”Il
ookedt ofacehi m and
tear
sstreameddownmyf ace,
“isittr
ue?”heshook
hishead,“i
t’
sthef
ir
stI
’
m heari
ngoft his.
”It
urned
andlookedattheki
ng,
“whereisthisbaby?”
Ki
ng:
att
heki
ngdom.
Me:
Weneedt
oseehi
m,andgett
het
est
sdone.
Ki
ng:
Onl
yoncet
hel
obol
amoneyhasbeenpai
d.
Me: andyouexpectust ot akeyourwordfori
t?
Lusandar anafterKeenanandshehasbeen
avoidi
ngy ouev ersi
nce,nowy ou’
regoingtotel
lme
thatallt
hesey earsyouhav ebeenstayi
ngwithhis
chil
d?Andy oucoul dn’
ttel
l hi
m al
ltheseyear
s?How
oldisthi
schild?Nxa…
Ki
ng:
howdar
eyouquest
ionme?
Me:Howdar
eyoucomei
ntomyhouseandt
alksuch
shi
t?
Cece:
Abe-
Me:
NoCece,
no.t
heyneedt
oleav
e,now.

Ist
oodupandwal
kedof
ftot
heki
tchen,
andcr
ied
myey esout .Aftersomet i
meIgat her
edmy selfand
headedback, “I’
l
l paythelobola…justsoIgett osee
mychi l
d.”Icouldn’tbeli
evemyear s,“
what?
”t hat
cameoutasawhi sper
.Het urnedaroundandst ood
up,“baby..
.”Ili
ft
edmyhand, “
don’tbabyme…”I
tur
nedar oundgr abbingmycarkey sandranoutt o
thecaranddr oveof f.

*
***
***
***
**Keenan

Fuck,whatisgoingon…Lusandahadababy ?No,
howcomeIdi dn’
tknow?Whydi dn’tshesayal lt
his
ti
me?Ist oodinthedoor wayandwat chedAbebi
driv
eoff;Iranbacki nsideandgr abbedmykey s,
“youcan’tdri
veinthatst at e.
”Hewasr ightandI
handedhi mthekey s,wer anouttothecarwi t
hKi ng
Senzoshout i
ngafterus.I cespedof fandwewer en’
t
seeingheranywhere, Icheckedmyphonef orthecar
tr
acker,“
downVi ctor i
ar oad…hurry.”Shecan’tbe
al
onenow, wewereabout100met ersawayf r
om
herandshewasn’ tsl owingdown.Wewer e
approachi ngar obotandt hatwoul dhel pclosethe
gap, t
her obotwasr ed.Ijumpedoutt hecarandr an
tohercar ,“comeonAbebi , l
etst alkabouti t…just
pulloverandwewi l
lsortthisshi tout.”Shewasn’ t
sayingany thing…Iwassoaki ngwetandt herobot
changedandshet ookof f
, It
urnedbackt oI ceand
heardscr eechingandgl assbr eaki ng.IseeAbebi ’
s
carbeinghi tbyanSUVandsmashedi ntoat axiand
shei ssandwi ched.Iruntowar dst hecar“ callan
ambul ance,”Isayshout i
ngt ot hepeopl ewhoar e
watching, “Abebi.
”Theguywhowasdr ivi
ngt heSUV
staggersoutandhol dhishead, “issheokay ?”he
asksconcer ned.Iwalkaroundt hecar sandt her
ei s
nowayf ormet ogettoher .
Sheisn’tmovinginsi
det hecarandIcanseesome
bl
oodonherhead.Thent hecarst artssmoking…no
nono.t heambulanceget sthere, I
ceistry
ingtocalm
medownbutIkeepshout ingatt hem.Ineedt o
makesur esheisalive;I
’
mt hreateningtokil
l
everyoneinv
olvedifsomet hinghappenst oher.Ice
pull
smeawayf rom thescene, “youneedt ocalm
down. ”It
akehishandof fme, “
calm down?Di dyou
seewhatj
usthappened?
”
I
ce:Sheisoutoft
hecar
;theyar
etaki
nghert
othe
hospi
tal
.
Me:
I’
mri
dingwi
thher
.
I
ce:
Idon’
tthi
nkt
hat
’sagoodi
dea.Comenow.

Weareatt hehospi
tal
,andtheyareoperati
ngonher
.
IwaspacingupanddownandIcoul dn’ttakei
t
anymore,
“I’l
lberi
ghtback…call
mei ft
her ei
sany
news.
”Icestoodup,“whereareyougoing?”
Me:
Tosor
toutt
hismess.
Hi
m:Keenan,
yout
hinkt
hati
sagoodi
dea?
Me:
Bestideaever
,Ishoul
dhav
eli
stenedt
oAbebi
in
t
hebegi
nning.

Iwalkedoutwit
hIceshoutingafterme, andItot
all
y
i
gnoredhim.Igottothehousesoaki ngwet ,t
hey
wereallst
il
li
nthelounge.Iwalkedtot hestudyand
openedthesafeandheadedbackt othelounge,
“Luzuko, whathappened? ”Ithrewt hemoneybagon
hislap, “getoutofmyhouse, ther ear ey our
damagesandIdon’ teverwantt oseeorhearf rom
youagai n.”Lusandal ookedshocked; shest oodup
andcamet ome, “
Luzuko.”Shesai dhol dingmyar m,
shewassay ingi nasof tbeggingv oice, “Please...
”I
mov edawayf rom her ,
“pleasewhat ? ”Herf ather
stoodup, “whatabouty ourbaby ? ”Ilookedat
Lusandawi thangerandshel ookedscar ed, “i
sthat
mychi ldLusanda? ”shelookeddownanddi dn’
tsay
any t
hing, Igr abbedherbyt het hroat ,“Iaskedy oua
question. ”Herf atherwasshout i
ngatmet ost op
stranglingher .Shewast ryi
ngt ogetoutofmygr i
p
andIt ight enedar oundherneck, shewascr yi
ngnow.
“No…”shef i
nallyanswer ed,“what ?”herf at her
roared, Iletgoofherandshef ell tot hef loor
coughi nghy stericall
y.Ibentdowni nf rontofher ,
“I
don’tev erwantt oseey ouagai n, whaty oudi dwas
despicabl e.Wear enotf r
iends, mat teroff actwe
don’tknoweachot her…y ouaredeadt ome.Andi f
Abebi doesn’ tsur vi
ve,ohl i
tt
lepr i
ncessy ouwi l
lpay.
”
Igotupandshewasst i
llcryi
ngont hef loor ,
“Lusanda! ”Ihear dherf athershout ing, Iwasn’ t
i
nt er
ested.Iwentupandshoweredandchangedt o
somet hi
ngwar m.IpackedafewthingsforI
ceand
headedt othehospit
alandcal
ledThando,“woah
shamey ouguysreal
lydon’
twantthesechil
dren.
”I
l
etoutasi gh,“t
herehasbeenanaccident.
”Thando
didn’
tsayany t
hing“i
ssheokay?”
Me:Idon’
tknow,buti
twasbad.She’
sinsur
ger
yas
wespeak.
Her
:Al
ri
ght
,I’
l
ltel
lKhenan.We’
l
lbet
her
esoon.

Iwalkedi ntothehospitalandf i
ndI cewi t
hKi m;they
i
mmedi atelystoptouchingwhenIgett othem.“ Any
news? ”theyshaket heirheads,“Igoty oucl ot
hes,I
don’tknowi ft
heywi l
lfi
tthough.”Het hankedme
andt ookt heduffelbag;theywal kedawayhandi n
hand.KhenanandThandoent eredt heroom she
walkedt omeandhuggedmesot ight
ly,“what
happened? ”Il
etoutasi ghandsatdown, “Lusanda.”
Thandol ookedatmeconf used,“whathappened
Keenan? ”
Me:
Wel
lherf
athercamet
othehouseandst
art
ed
t
alki
ngshi
tandAbebi
wasn’
thear
inganyofi
t.
Khenan:
Theki
ng?
Me:
Yeah.
Thando:
Sohowdi
dAbbyendupi
nacar
?
Me:
Wel
lLusandaappar
ent
lyhasachi
l
d.
Thando:
Pleasedon’
ttel
lme.
Me:
That
’swhatshesai
d.
Thando:
Keenant
hiswi
l
lki
l
lAbebi
.
Me:
That
’swhyshel
eftt
hehouse.
Khenan:
Andy
oudi
dn’
ttr
yst
opher
?
Me:Isawthewhol
ethi
ng.Iwast
her
ewheni
t
happened.
Thando:
Wher
eisLusanda?Ineedt
ohav
eat
alk
wit
hher.
Me:
Ial
readydi
d.
Thando:
And?
Me:
Shewasl
yi
ng…
Khenan:
Sheconf
essed?

“Howi sshedoing?Howar eyoumybaby?”wewere

i
nterrupt
edbyt hedr
amaticCece,“
whathappened?
”
shehuggedmet i
ghtshepull
edbackandheldmy
face.Shekissedmyli
ps,“Iwassoworri
ed.
”
Shewasfaf
fi
nganddi
dn’
tevengetawordin,
event
ual
l
yImanagedt
ocalm herdown,
“I’
m good
ma.”
Her
:Don’
tscar
emel
i
ket
hat
!

“Howi sshe? ”Ilookedupandf oundt heki ng,“y ou

hav esomener vetobet al
kingaboutmywi f
e.”Hel et
outasi gh,“canIhav eawor dwithy ou? ”rightthen
thedooropenedandt hedoct orcameout ,“
Mr
Khwaza? ”Inoddedandwal kedov ertohi m slowl y
andner vously,“howi sshe? ”hel etoutasi gh,“ she
l
ostal otofbl ood, butwehav est abil
isedher .The
wor sti
sov er.”Iletoutasi ghofr el i
ef,“canIsee
her?”thedoct ornodded, “buttherei ssomet hing
else.”Whycan’ tdoct orsjustsayev erythingall at
once,nowIwasst ressi
ngagain,
“yesdoctor
?”helet
outaf ai
ntsmile,“
Yourwi f
eispregnant
.”Ial
most
fai
nted,“what?”hesmi l
edandshookmyhead,
“congrat
ulat
ions,youcanseehernow.Butonl yf
or
10mi nutessheneedst orest
.”

Iwalkedi
nandshewassl eepingwi thabandage
aroundherhead,shelookedsof ragil
e.“Heybaby…
I’
m sosorr
yIletthishappent oy ou.”Igotangryal
l
overagai
n;Iki
ssedherf oreheadandwal kedout.I
wouldcomebackt omorrow; Ineedt ogetthi
sking
outofmyhouse.Ev er
yonewasst il
lwaiti
ngforme,
“howisshe?”Ishrugged,“sleeping,shedoesn’tl
ook
l
ikesheisinanykindofpai nt hough.”
I
ce:
Ihear
dyou’
reexpect
inganot
herbaby
,ha.
Me:
Whyi
sthatf
unny
?
Khenan:Pr
obabl
ybecausey
oual
readyhav
eli
ke
tr
ipl
ets.
Me:
you’
ret
hel
astper
sont
otal
k.
“Ihav esomet hingt odoqui ck,meety ouguy satt he
house? ”Iceshookhi shead, “nope, Igotsomet hing
tosor tout.
”Igav ehimt hesuspi ciousl ook,
“somet hingorsomeone? ”hepunchedmepl ayfull
y,
andThandohadt ogocheckont hebabi es,soI
drov ewi thKhenan.Wer anaqui cker randandt hen
headedhome.TheKi ng’scarwasst il
l par
ked
out sideandIr eall
ydidn’tunder standwhyhewas
stil
l here.Wewentbacki nsi
de, andf oundhi m
talkingt oCecei nthelounge.Shest oodupandsai d
shewi llmaket ea.KhenanandIsatdown, “t
hisismy
biggerbr otherKhenan. ”Theyshookhands, “howcan
Ihel py ou?”hehandedmemymoneybagt hatIhad
givenhi m earli
er,“Ican’
tacceptt hi
s. ”
Me:
It’
syourdamagesf
ordef
lower
ingt
hepr
incess.
Ki
ng:
HowcanIt
rusthernowaf
tert
his?
Me:
Iwast
her
e,soIknowwhatwentdown.
Ki
ng:
Andt
hebaby
?
Me:
Iam notsur
eaboutt
hat
.
Khenan:
Sorrysi
r,butImustask.Lusandal
eftaf
ter
Keenanl
eftandthencamebackwi thababyandt ol
d
y
oui
twasKeenan’
sandy
ouj
ustbel
i
evedher
e?
Ki
ng:
It’
snotl
i
ket
hat
.
Me:
Pleaseexpl
aint
omehowi
tis.
Ki
ng:
Shel
ovesy
ou.
Khenan:
Andy
ourpoi
nt?
King:Shei
smyonl
ydaught
er,
Iwant
edherback
and..
Me:
andy
out
houghty
ouwoul
dpi
nthi
sonme?
King:Idi
dn’
tknow,butshesaidshewontcomeback
unlessyouagr
eetomar ryher
.
Me:
Soy
ouhadf
orgi
venher
?
King:Longt
imeago,Il
ovemychi
l
dandIwoul
ddo
anythi
ngtomakeherhappy
.
Me:
Event
opi
nthi
schi
l
donme?
King:
Idi
dn’
tknow,
Iwasn’thomewhenshecame
witht
hebaby,
andshelef
tagai
nbef
oreIcameback
fr
om mybusi
nesstr
ip.
Me:
Soy
ourwi
fewas
King:
Don’
tyoudar
e,mywi
fewoul
dnev
erdosucha
thi
ng.
Khenan:Looksl
i
keshealr
eadydi
d.Who’
sideawas
i
tforyoutocomehere?
Ki
ng:
Lusandacal
l
edcr
ying…andher
Me:
Andwhat
?
Khenan:
Shecal
l
edy
oudi
rect
ly?

Thelookontheking’
sfacechangedi
mmediatel
y,
“NO!
”hewasf uri
ous,“
LUSANDA! !
”heshout
ed,and
Cececamein,“whereisshe?
”
Cece:
Shei
ssl
eepi
ng.
Ki
ng:
DoIl
ookl
i
keIgi
veaf
uck,
getheri
nher
e.

KhenanandIwer elooki
ngateachotherconfused;
wedidn’tknowwhatwasgoi ngon.Iunder
standthat
hesti
llwantedt
ot al
ktome, butwhywasLusanda
st
il
lsleepi
nginthehouse?“Sitdown,
”herfat
her
di
rect
edandshei mmedi at
elysatdownandshewas
playingwi t
hherhands.“ LusandadoIl ookst upidt o
you? ”heaskedandsheshookherhead.“ Answer
me, ”hewaspaci ngupanddown, “no.”Lusanda
answer edi nawhi sper ,Idon’ tknowi fitwas
becauseIst rangledhert oohar dorbecauseshewas
scar edofherf at
herorami xtureoft het wo.Khenan
andIsatbackandj ustwat ched, “thenwhydoy ou
andy ourmot hert hinkt hatIam? ”shewassobbi ng,
“Idon’ tknowwhaty ou’ret al kingabout .”Hegav eher
abackhandandshel andedont hef l
oor ,Ifeltthe
needt ogetupandhel pherbutKhenanhel dmy
shoul derbef or eIcoul dev enmov e.“Hay i Senzo,
that’senough.Ther eisnoneedt oabuset hischi ld,”
Cecei ntervened, “Cebi y oudon’ tknowwhaty ou’ re
talki
ngabout ,soy oust ayoutofi t
.”Het urnedt o
Lusanda, “
whatdi dt hatbi tchofamot hersayt oy ou?
Uhm, didshet el
lyout hati fy ousayi tsLuzuko’ s
childhewi llacceptt hechi ldl ikeIaccept edy ou? ”t he
room wentsi lentandLusanda’ sey esshotopeni n
shock.Shest ar t
edcr yi
ng, “Oh, yourmom cant each
youal l t
hebi tchingway sandt ricksbutshecan’ tt ell
youwhent heywor kedf orher ?”hechuckl ed,“Ilov ed
yourmot her,andt hat ’
swhatshef orgott ot el
ly ou.
Soi twaseasyf ormet ot akeinabastardchi ld
becauseshewasmywor l
d,Luzukodoesn’ tloveyou.
Youcannotf orcehimt o.Whaty ouandy ourmot her
aredi sgusti
ngandwi l
lbedeal twit
haccor dingly.
”
Lusandawascr yinghard,“dad…”helookedatheri n
disgust ,
“Ial
way str
eatedy ouasmyownandt hisis
thet hanksIget,aplat
eofshi t!
!Youarenopr i
ncess,
sot hereisnoneedf orLuzukot opayany thing.
You’reaconni v
inglit
tl
ebi tchl
ikeyourmot her !
”
Cece:
Thati
senough.
Ki
ng:
Getheroutofmysi
ght
.

Cecewal kedt oLusandaandhel pedherup, “iza

ntombi.”Theywal kedoutofther oom andIf eltsor
ry
forLusandanow, nobodydeservest hi
spaint hatshe
i
sf eel
ing.Igotupandgott hewhiskeydecant erand
3glassesandpl aceditonthetableinfrontofus,
nobodyspoke.Cececamebackaf terawhileand
pouredhert ea,addingalit
tl
ebitofwhi skey.She
tookasi pbeforelookingatSenzo, “whatCebi ?
”
Cece:
Ijustdon’
tthi
nkt
hatwasnecessar
y.
Senzo:heh,
you’r
ejoki
ngr
ight
?Lusandaandher
motherarewrong.
Cece:
Andnobodyi
sdi
sput
ingt
hat
,butyoudi
dn’
t
havet
obreakt
henewst
oherli
ket
hat.
Senzo:I
’mti
redofl
iv
ingali
eCebidoyounotgetit
,
thetr
uthwasboundtocomeoutsoonerorl
ater
.
Cece:
Butnotli
kethi
s,you’
retheonlyf
athershehas
knownandforyoutospeaktoherinsuckamanner.
Senzo:WhatwasIsupposedtodo,l
ett
hem tr
apt
his
boyandwatchLusandaconti
nueherbi
tchi
ngway
s
l
ikeherwhoremother
?

Nobodysai dany t
hi ng, weall dr
ank.I twasal i
tt
lebit
awkwar dandIwasn’ tgoingt obet heonet ostart
maki ngconv ersation.Wesatl i
kethati nthe
awkwar dnessunt ilCecel eftandwewer eonour
secondbot t
le.“shewasbeaut i
fulItellyou,”he
started,“al
mostl ikey ourwife,shewasf eistytoo.
WhenIsel ectedhert obemywi fe,shet ol
dme
straighttomyf acet hatshedoesn’ tlovemeandwi ll
nev erbemywi fe.Ij ustlaughedathert hatt i
me, butI
i
nf ormedmyuncl est hatshewast heone.Sher an
awayf rom me, l
ikel i
terall
yr ani ntheopposi t
e
direction.Shedi dn’twantme, butIwasgoi ngt obe
king, andany t
hi ngIwantIget .”Het ookasi pofhi s
drinkbef or ehecont i
nued, “Ifoundhercr yingone
nightbyt her i
v erandIknewt hatwasmychance.
Shet oldmet hatherboy friendwasget ti
ngmar r
ied
tosomeoneel seandt hef ami liesdi dn’twantt hem
toget her.Iknewt hatwasmychanceandIpounced
oni t.Litt
ledi dIknowt hatshewasnotpur eunt i
l i
t
wast imet osendt hel obol a.Shecamecl eanandI
stil
laccept edherbecauseIl ov edher .”hel etouta
sigh, “bythet imewegotmar riedshewasal r
eady3
mont hspr egnant ,andwehadt obest rategicabout
i
t.Wewentt ost ayinDur bant il
lshegav ebi rthtoa
l
ittl
egi r
lwhol ookednot hingl ikeme, Iwashappy
andIaccept edherasmyown.Whenwer eturnedt o
theki ngdom ev eryonequest i
onedt hebabybut
neitheroneofusconf essed.Honest l
yIlov e
Lusandawi thmyl i
fe,buty ouwantt oknowwhat
makesmeangr ier?”KhenanandIbot hshookour
headsatt hesamet i
me, “
it’shermot her,andshe
startedsl eepingar oundwi thmybr othert hinking
thatIdi
dn’
tknow.Just3year
sagoIcaughtheri
n
bedwi t
hmyrighthandman.I
thasbeenthi
swayf or
alongtimenowandsheisnowr ubbi
ngthi
srubbi
sh
onmyc-uhm onLusanda.”
“I’
m sorrydaddy,”wehear dav oiceinthedoorway,
helookedup, “howl onghav eyoubeenst andi
ng
there?
”shewal kedi n,“l
ongenough. ”Shesatdown
nexttohi m,helookedsoemot ionalandopenedup
hisarmsf orherandshest art
edcr y
ingwhile
apologisi
ng.Wel eftthem l
ikethatandwal kedtothe
foyer,
“Igottogoman. ”Webr ohugandhewal ks
out.Itakeashowerandheadbackt othehospit
al.

*
***Abebi
***
***
***
***

Iwakeupwi t
hKeenan’sheadont hebedandIsmil
e,
Il
ookar oundandt hemachi nesarebeepi
ngandital
l
comesback.I ’
m notintoomuchpai nandi
t’sj
usta
headache,“Keenan.”Hesitsup, “
heybaby,
you’
re
awake.Letmegett hedoctor.”Hegetsupand
comesbackwi t
hanur se;shechecksmeandhow
I
’
mf eel
ing.Shespendsabout10minutesi
nthe
r
oom, “
I’
llgetsomeonetohel
pcleanherup.
”Keenan
l
ooksather ,
“cantIdot
hat
?”
Nurse:
Youcan,
butIsuggestbr
eakf
astf
ir
st.Come
getamenu.

Heleavesmei ntheroom andIst

artfeel
ingali
ttl
e
hungry
,andl ucki
lyhecomesbackwi t
hthemenu,
“whathappened? ”Iaskashelooksthroughthe
menut r
yingtof i
ndussomef ood,“youdon’t
remember ?
”
Me:
Iremember
,but
Hi
m:I
’
m notmar
ryi
ngher
,thebabyi
sn’
tmi
ne.
Il
etoutasi
ghofrel
i
ef,
“butIt
oldy
ouIdi
dn’
twant
heri
nthehouse.
”
Keenan:
Iknow,
andIdi
dn’
tli
stenbaby
,I’
m sor
ry.
Me:
Whati
fshecomesback?
K:Shewon’
tI’
ll
tel
lyouallabouti
twheny
ou’
rewel
l
.I
havegoodnewsforyou.
Me:
Uhm,
what
?
Keenan:
We’
repr
egnant
.
Me:
What
?Don’
tfuckwi
thme!
Keenan:
Aren'
tyouexci
ted?

Itookinadeepbr eathe, andr ubbedmyt ummy ,

“howf aralong? ”Ilookeddownandf roze,“Keenan? ”
Ilookedathi m andbackdownatmyhand, “ baby?”
Myv oicewasshaky ,“hey ,what ’swr ong? ”Ilookedat
him,“what ’st hi
s? ”Keenanj ustsmi led,“Ithinky ou
knowexact lywhatt hatis, Iwanty out omar ryme…
properlythist ime.”Thet earsj ustst artedflowi ng
downmyf aceandIcoul dn’tstopt hem, hel eanedi n
andgav emeaki ss,“Ilov eyousomuch. ”Icoul dn’
t
evensayi tbackIwasamess, thedooropenedand
Thandowal kedi n.shewassmi ling,“heymummy ,
you’r
eup? ”t henshef rowned, “ andt het ears? ”Iput
upmyl efthand, andshesqueal ed…“ Ohmygoshi t’
s
gorgeous. ”Shecamecl osert aki ngmyhandand
l
ookingati tandadmi ring.Keenanwentt ogogetour
breakfastandIsatwi thThando, “howar eyou
f
eel
i
ng?
”
Me:I’
m goodact
ual
l
y,If
eel
li
keIcanwal
koutof
her
e.
Thando:
Pai
n?
Me:
Justabi
tofaheadache.
Thando:Andwhatdoest hedoctorsay
?It hi
nkyou
needtojustr
elaxabit
,andleavewhent hedoct
or
saysyou’r
efi
tenough.
Me:
I’
m pr
egnantagai
n.
Thando:
Whatdoy
oumean?
Me:HaHa…Imeanj ustt
hat.butt
hedoct
orwil
l
comeinandexpl
ainal
lofthattome.Howar
emy
babi
es?
Thando:Theyaregood,
Idothinkt
heymi
ssyou
though.3days,
that
’salongt
imetobeawayfr
om
yourmother.
Me:That
’swhyIf
eltl
i
kedy
ingwhenIwasont
hat
shi
p.
Thando:
Don’
tthi
nkabouti
t.
Me:I
t’
shardnotto,
li
keI
’vehadsuchdrama.One
badt
hingaf
tert
heother
,Ineedabreak.
Thando:Maybeyoushoul
dtakeat
ri
p,j
usty
ouand
yourhusbandandt
hebabies.
Me:
LikeKeenanwoul
dagr
eet
othat
.

“Agreetowhat?”hesaidwalki ngi
nandcat chi
ngus
l
aughing.“Thandai
zindabashame. ”Thandosaid
standi
ngup, “
Ihaveanappoi ntmentwit
ht hegynaeI
don’twanttobelat
e.I’
llcheckony oubeforeIgo.”
Shekissedmycheekandwal kedout
.
KeenanandIat
ebreakf
astmainl
yinsi
lence,“
were
yougoingt
otel
lme?”helookedupatme, “
about
?”
Me:
Ever
ythi
ng.
Hi
m: I
thappenedsol
ongagot
hatIhadev
en
f
orgot
tenaboutit
.
Me:
Andhert
ryi
ngt
oseducey
ou?
Hi
m:Iwasdeal
i
ngwi
thi
t,Ihadi
tundercont
rol
.
Me:
Ok.
Hi
m:Babypl
ease.

Ididn’tsayany thi
ngandj ustat emybr eakfastuntil
thedoct orcame, heexami nedme.Hesai d
everythingwasf i
ne,buthewoul dbekeepi ngmef or
twoday s.Toobser ve,andIwasf i
newi ththatand
didn’
tmi nd.Heconf i
rmedf r
om mybl oodt eststhatI
wasj ustov eraweekpr egnantandIwasal i
tt
lebit
excit
ed.Butt hebabiesar estil
ltoyoungandwe
hadn’tpl annedthis…goshwest i
ll
hadi tcoming, I
needt ot iemyt ubesafterthis.
[
11/
23,
18:
19]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode141

(
AspromisedConst
anceMabasothi
sisforyou.
..
t
hankyoufort
herevi
ewandconti
nuoussupport
)

*
***Thando
Igottothedoctorandhewasal r
eadywait
ingforme,
"MrsK..
.howar ewefeeli
ng?"Ismil
edandgave
Steveahug,"we'r
egoodthanks,j
ustsl
eepingalot
butdon'
ttel
ltheMrhei salr
eadyworry
ing.
"
St
ev e:i
t'
snormal
,buty
ouneedt ocutdownont
he
work.Iheary
ou'r
eawor kahol
i
c
Me: I
'
mt r
yingbutbusi
nessopport
uni
ti
eskeep
knocking.
..HowcanIpossiblyshutt
hedooron
money .

Wehadagoodl aughandwasdi stur

bedbymy
phone,Iswit
cheditoffwit
houtlooki
ngatthe
number,"Sor
ryaboutthat.
..l
et'
sseethel
it
tleone.
"
Andthenhisphoner ang,
helookedatme,"go
ahead.
"
"Sup?..
..noty
et..
.howlong?..
.alr
ight."hecutthe
callandsatbackdownt henopenedmyf i
l
e,"so
besidesthesleepi
ng,anyt
hingelsey ouwantt o
discussaboutthepregnancy?"Wet alkedaboutmy
concernsandwhenhewaswei ghingmet herewasa
knockatt hedoorandthenitopened.Khenan
walkedi nfollowedbyaKhany iwhodi dn'tl
ookso
please.Khenanki ssedmyf oreheadandl ooked
downatt hescal e,"see,you'
rest arvi
ngmybaby .
"I
i
gnor edhi scommentandgr eetedmyangel ,"Hey
baby ,whyar en'tyouatschool ?
"Sher oll
edherey es,
"soy ounotgoi ngt oexplainwhyy ou'reseeingthe
babywi t
houtme? "Iwast akenabackandl ookedat
Khenanwhoj ustshr ugged."Wel lIt
houghty ou
wouldbei nschool ,waitwhyar en'tyoui nschool? "
Shel ookedatKhenanandt heyhadal i
tt
le
conver sati
on, "
shehasaheadache, butIgav eher
somet hi
ngshei sfeeli
ngbet ter
."Iraisedmy
eyebr ows,"i
si t
? "Khenanqui cklychangedt hetopic,
"canIseemypr i
ncessnow? ?"
Me:
woahshamet
hisonei
saboyIcanf
eel
it.
Khenan:
scar
edsomeonewi
l
ltakey
ourpl
ace?
?
Me:
asi
f!
!

Stev
einterr
uptedusbymakingsuggesti
ngIgeton
thebed,heputthegelonmyabdomenand
i
mmedi atel
ytherewasaheartbeatandKhenan
smiledfrom eart
oeat."Her
e'syourbabybrotheror
sist
er,
"StevesaidtoKhanyi
.Khenanhadpickedher
upsoshecangetav iewift
hescreen."Where?"She
askedconfused,Stev
epointedattheli
tt
lebubbleon
thescreen,"
that'
sher?Whereareherhands?"
Stev
e: t
heyhav
en'tgr
ownyet
..
.af
teraf
ewmont
hs
you'
llbeabl
etoseethem.
"Oh."Khany irepli
edseemi ngl
ydisappointed, aft
er
theultrasoundSt evegav eheracopyoft hescan,
"keept hi
s, everyt i
mey ourMOM comesi nI '
llgive
heracopyf ory outokeep.Soy oucant rackt he
baby '
sgr owt h."Shesmi l
ednow, "andwhenshei s
born,I'
llcomebackandgi veyouapicturet oo."We
alll
aughedandweheadedout ,wepassedbyAbebi
beforegoi ngt ot hecarpark."Wannaridewi t
hme
Baby ?"Shenoddedandr antothecar,"I
'l
l dri
ve
behindy ou. "Khenankissedmyl i
psandmadehi s
wayt ohi scar .

Khanyi
wasal r
eadybuckl
edwhenIgotin,"
wantt
o
getwaff
lesandicecr
eam fort
heheadache?"
Her
:not
hanks,
justwantt
ogohome.

Ist
art
edthecarandmademywayoutofthe
hospi
tal
,"wantt
otel
lmewhat
'swr
ong?"
Khany
i:wit
htheheadache?
?It
hinki
t'
sbecauseI
'
m
notdr
inki
ngenoughwater.
Me:
didy
oueaty
ourl
unch?
?

Shelookeddown,"Khanyi
?"Isaidlooki
ngatheri
n
ther
earviewmir
ror,"
Yeah,Iate."Shewaslyi
ngsoI
l
etherbe.Wedrivehomei nsilenceandIwasangry
,
somethingwaswrongandt heywer en'
tyel
l
ingme
anyt
hing.
WegothomeandKhany iranint
othehouseandI
fol
lowedher
,IwasatthedoorwhenKhenandr ov
ein
andIwait
edforhi
m."ShouldIstar
tondi
nner?"He
asked.
Me:soy
ou'
renotgoi
ngt
otel
lmewhat
'shappeni
ng
wi
thmychi
l
d?
Khenan:
not
hing,
it'
sjustaheadacheandIf
etched
herear
ly.
Me:justbecauseI'
vebeenbusydoesn'
tmeanI
hav
en'tnoti
ced..
.lastweekshehadaheadachet
oo.
Khenan:
yeah.
Me:
twi
cel
astweek.
Khenan:
what
'sy
ourpoi
nt?
?

Ikeptquietandl efthiminthefoyer,"
sowhatmustI
make? "Ididn'tbotheransweri
ngandwal kedto
Khanyi'sroom Iknockedandt henIopenedup.She
waschangi ngi ntoherball
etpracti
seclot
hes,"
and
now?"Shecont inuedtodress,"Ij
ustwanttogo
pract
isemyr outine.
"
Me:
andt
heheadache?
Her
:it
'sgonenow.
Me:
buty
oust
il
lhav
en'
teat
en,
youneedt
heener
gy.
Her
:Iwon'
tpr
act
iset
ohar
d.Justanhour
.
Thenshel ef
t,haybowast hischildseriousbutIl eft
i
tandwentt oourbedr oom.Ichangedi ntojogger s
andav estandsatont hebedt r
yingtogetsome
workdone.Mymi ndwasn'tt hereandIwas
wonderingwhatwaswr ong, Khanyisaidshedi dn't
eatandnowshei spracti
singbal l
et.Wast hischild
star
vingherself
?Noshe' stooy oungt obet hinki
ng
l
ikethat,pl
usKhany i
doesn' tcareaboutwei ght.
Imusthav efall
enasleepbecauseIwokeupandt he
sunhadsetandi twasget ti
ngdark.Ibr ushedmy
teethandwashedmyhai randheadeddown, Khenan
wasi nthekit
chenwi t
hKeenan.Igr eeted,Iwas
i
nf or
meddi nnerwasr eadysoIwentt ogett hekids.I
knockedont hedoortoLakhi we'sroom andent ered,
I'
m beingtestedtoday."HiMr s.DeCost a.
"Londy
saidstandi
ngupf r
om thebed, Ishotlakhiwet he
l
ook, "
HeyMom."
Me:
whaty
ouguy
supt
o?
Lakhi
:st
udy
ing.
Me:
sowhyi
sthedoorcl
osed?
?
Lakhi
:tokeept
henoi
seout
,thet
winswer
e
i
nter
rupt
ingus.
Me:ohi
sit,t
hedoorstay
sopen.
..washyourhands
di
nneri
sready.Andi
fIfi
ndt
hisdoorcl
osedagain
i
t'
scomingoff.
Lakhi
:butMa
Me:
itwasn'
taquest
ionsosav
eit
.

IwalkedoutandKhanyiwasalreadyatthet
able.We
all
satdownandsaidGracet henstar
tedeat
ing,she
wasdi ggi
ngawayatherfood."Sl
owdownbef ore
youchoke."
Khenan:
she'
sjusthungr
y,l
eav
ethechi
l
d.
Me:
Itol
dhert
oeatbef
orebal
l
etpr
act
ise.
Khenan:
Sheat
eaf
ter
.
Me:
andshei
sst
il
lhungr
y.
Khenan:
Wel
lsheski
ppedl
unch.
Me:mxm. .
.sinceyouknowwhat
'shappeni
ngint
his
house,
tel
lyoursony okeept
hedooropenwhenhe
hasagirl
intheroom.
It
ookmyplat
eandwal
kedout
.Mxm Iwassopi
ssed
i
twasn'
tev
enfunny
.

ThenextweekKhany icamehomeear lyagainwi th

herf ather,theyseemedsur prisedt of i
ndmehome.
"Anot herheadache? "Iasked.Khany inodded, "sit
downbot hofy ou!"Khany il
ookeddownandshe
seemedf r
ight ened, "
Babyy oudon' thav et oshout .
"I
l
ookedatKhenanl ikehewast alkingcr azy."Oh, I
mustl etyouguy sr unar oundher ekeepi ngsecr ets
andImust n'tgetmad?Tohel l witht hatshit,now
tel
l mewhat '
sgoi ngonbef oreIgi vey ouahi ding."
Khenanl etoutasi gh, "Babygot oy ourr oom."I
i
nter ruptedhi m mi dsent ence, "shei sn'tgoing
any wher etil
l Ifindoutwhat 'sgoi ngon. "Ilookedat
them andnoneoft hem spoke, "Nowwoul dbe
good. "Khenanwasget ti
ngangr ybutIdi dn'tgivea
shit.Ineededanswer sandIneedt hem now,
"promi sey ouwon' tov erreact?"
Me:
what
??Justspi
titout
.
Khenan:
Khany
iisget
ti
ngbul
l
iedatschool
.

Ifr
ozef orawhil
etry
ingtodigestwhathesaid,"
what
doy oumeanbulli
ed?"Hestartedtalki
ng,"
No
scratchthat
,whoisbul
ly
ingher ?"Ispokebef
orehe
couldanswer.
Hi
m:y
ouseewhywedi
dn'
twantt
otel
lyou.
Me:
ISAI
DWHO?
hi
m:f
uckbabycal
m down.
Me:
Khenany
ougonnat
ell
met
ocal
meddown?
Hi
m:I
'
m handl
i
ngi
t.
Me:byt
aki
ngheroutofschool
eacht
imet
her
e'san
i
nci
dent
?
Hi
m:Thando.
Me:
who?

"Tammi Ki
ng,
"Khany
isaidi
nawhisper
.Thef
uck!
!I
didn'
tev
enthi
nk,Igr
abbedthekey
sandwentout
andt ookof f.Ir emember edt hatchi l
df r
om oneof
thepar ent sev eni ng,shewasaf atdirtywhi tegirl.
Frecklesonherf ace, chewi nggum const antly..
.how
dareshe.Idr ov et oherpar ent '
spl aceandi twasa
bighousei nani cenei ghbour hood.Ipar kedout si
de
andt ookoutmygun, thesepar entsar egonnashi t
today .Iusedt hesmal lgatet henmademywayt o
thedoor ,
Iknockedacoupl eoft imesandasmal l
whitel adyopened, "MrsKi ng? "Shenoddedadj usti
ng
herscar ft ohi det hebr uisesonherneck, "mayI
comei n?"Shel etoutasi ghandl ookedbacki nside,
"Iwantt ot alkt oy ouabouty ourdaught er,Tammi .
"
Shel ookedwor ri
ed, "i
sshei nt r
oubl e?"Sheseemed
scaredandf right enedatt hesamet imeandI
regretedcar ryingt heweapon." shewi l
lbei fyou
don'tletmei n."Sheopenedt hedoormaki ngwayf or
meandIwal kedi nt oabeaut iful house, veryhomel y
andwel lkept .Shel edmet ot hel ounge, "tea?"I
nooded, "
y espl ease, "
shedi sappear ed."BabyI 'm
home! "Ther ewasashoutandIst ayedinmyseat .
ThenIhear dquar r eli
ngandgl assbr eaking, Igotup
i
mmedi atelyandr ant ot hesound, Mr sKingwason
thefloorcr yingsi lent l
ywi thagi ngerbi gmanki cking
her,"whatdi dIsayaboutl ett
ingpeopleinwhenI '
m
nothome? "Heshout ed, "
Whatdoy outhinkyou're
doing? "Ishoutedr ushingtowar dsher,shewas
bleedingf rom hernoseandshel ookedupatme,
"getoutofmyhouse! "Ibentdownt ocheckonher
andhegr abbedmyhai r,"
Isaidleave!
!"Istoodup
andpunchedhi mint henosewhi chstart
edbl eedi
ng
andhehel dont oitinshockast owhathappened.
Hest umbl edabi t,andl ookedatmeandIknewhe
want st odosomet hingbutwasn' ttoosur e,
"Idare
you."Isai dandhedi dn'tmove.Ihelpedhi swifeup,
"I'
mt akingy outot hehospi t
al."Sheshookherhead,
"Iwasn' tasking.
"
Hi
m:Shei
smywi
feandshei
sn'
tgoi
ngany
wher
e
wi
thy
ou.
Igavehimthe' r
eal
ly'l
ookandcont inuedtoat t
endto
hi
swi f
e.Het ri
edtogetcl oser,Ipul
ledoutmygun.
Comeanycl oserandI '
llshooty oubetweent heeyes.
Hiseyespoppedout ,"good,nowwe' r
egoi ngtowalk
outofhereandy ouwon' tfol
lowus.I fIseey ouon
mytailIwon'thesi
tatetopul lt
het r
igger.Hedidn'
t
sayanythi
nganddi dn'tmov eeither
.Wewal kedout
t
hef
rontdoorandt
omycar
.

Iknowi
t'
sshor
tIpr
omi
seal
ongeri
nser
tnextt
ime.
[
11/
23,
18:
20]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode142

Anot
hersni
ppetj
ustt
omakeupf
ort
hel
astone.

Wedrovei
nsi
l
encef
orawhi
l
eandt
henmyphone
r
ang,
"yah?
"
Khenan:
wher
ear
eyou?
?
Me:
ont
hewayt
othepol
i
cest
ati
on.
Khenan:
Thandowhathav
eyoudone?
Me:
whaty
oudi
dn'
t.

Icutt
hephoneandcont i
nuedtodr
iveandt henMr s
Kingbr
okethesilence,"
he'l
lki
l
lme."Ilookedather
andheldherhand,"andyouthi
nkstayinginthat
housewon't
?"Shedi dn'
tanswerme,"hewi l
lpayfor
thi
s."Shestar
tedweeping.FuckThandowhatar e
youdoing?Allyouhadtodowasmaket heirchi
l
d
stopbull
yi
ngy ourbabyandnowy ou'
restuckinthi
s
fucki
ngmess...Istar
tedfeel
i
nghotandopenedt he
windows,"i
t'
sgoingtobeok."
MrsKing:Noi
twon'
tbe,
youdon'
tknowmyhusband.
I
'm sur
pri
sedhedi
dn'
tki
l
lyou.
Me:
itt
akesal
otmor
ethanawomanbeat
ert
oscar
e
me.
Her
:he'
spower
ful
,mor
ethant
hepol
i
ce.
Me:
Idon'
tgi
veashi
t.

Shecried,"
he'samar inef orfuckssake!
"Shewas
nowshout i
ng.Herv oicewast r
emblingandIcoul d
sensethefearinherv oice.Somet hi
ngcli
cked,"a
marinehereinCapeTown? "Shenoddedsl owly,Ihi
t
asharpu-turnwhichcausedhert oalmosthither
headont hewindow.Ist arteddiali
ng,"
didIhurt
you?"Sheshookherhead, t
hephoner angandt here
wasnoanswer ,"
pickupdammi t!
"Isai
ddiali
ngagai n
andont heforthtr
y,"Thandowhatt hehell
doy ou
want
?"Il
etoutasi
gh,
"I'
m sor
ryt
obot
hery
oubutI
..
."
Him:i
sn'
tthatwhaty
oual
way
sdo?Cal
lwheny
ou
needme?
Me:
it'
sanemer
gency
!!
Hi
m:i
sn'
ti
tal
way
sThando?
?
Me:
please!
!

Tututut u..
.Fuck! !Ihitthesteeringwheel andt ried
tocallagainandi twasst rai
ghtt ovoicemai l
.Ihad
toactfast.Ispedof fwithoutapl anand20mi nut es
l
aterIcouldseet hebase.It ookadeepbr eat heand
spedrightthrought heboom gat ealmostshat tering
thewindshi el
d, "
ar eyouf ucki
ngoutofy ourmi nd? "
MrsKingaskedmeandIt otallyignoredher .The
sir
enswer edeaf eni ngandt hecar swer efollowi ng
me.Somespi keswentuppunchi ngmyt ir
esandt he
carcamet oast andst il
l
.About30mensur r
ounded
mycar .Fuckf uckf uck..
.therewasahel icopt erov er
us.Iopenedmywi ndowandt hrewt hegunout , "
st ep
outofthecarwi thbot hhandsup! "Itookadeep
breathe,"
don'tmov e.
"Isaidtoherandslowly
openedt hedoor.Isteppedoutwithmyhandsup,
"stepawayf r
om thecar !
"Someguyshout edandI
tookthreestepsawayf rom thecarst
ill
withmy
handsi ntheair
,"she'
shur t
,Ineedtotal
ktoSpha!
"
Hi
m:sor
ryl
adybutt
hisi
snotanegot
iat
ion.
Me:
Siphamandl
aNgema!
!

Theyal
ll
ookedatmewei r
d,t
heguyspokei
ntohi
s
radi
oandthenl
ookedbackatme,"
WHOi si
nthe
car?
"
Me:
afr
iend,
she'
shur
t.
Hi
m:canweappr
oach?

Inodded,myhear twasbeati
ngouti fmychestt hen
hepointedattwoguy swhoappr oachedsti
ll
wi th
thei
rweapons.Theywentt ohersideandgotherout ,
"shi
t,i
t'
sKing."Ihear
doneofthem say ,j
ustthen
Sphacamer unningintot
helot.Hest oodandlooked
atmeconf usedandscaredatthesamet i
me." Lower
yourweapons. "Hecommandedt heguy s,"Butsi
r.
"
Het urned,"
that'
sanor der,
"alloft hem lower edthei
r
gunsandhesi gnal edsomet hingtot hechopper
whicht henfl
ewof f.Hewal kedbr isklytowar dsme,
"ar
ey ououtofy ourf uckingmi nd."Iwasnow
shakingwi t
htear si nmyey es.Whenhegott omeI
j
ustt hrewmy selfint ohisar ms.If elthiml etouta
deepsi gh,"
It
'sok, theywon' thurty ou.Don' tcry
."He
heldmeandl ookedar ound, whenIwascal m he
pull
edmeatar msl engt h,"
youok? "Inodded, "
and
thelady ?
"Ihadhi ccups, "
herhusbandbeather .
"He
l
ookedatmeconf used, "whyar ey ouher e?"
Me:
he'
samar
ine.

Hiseyespoppedout ,"
what ?"Ij
ustnodded.He
pull
edmecl oseagainandwef oll
owedt hemenas
theyhelpMrsKi ngi
ntooneoft hebui l
dings.I'
m put
i
ntoar oom, al
mostli
keandi nt
errogati
onroom, I
waitforalmostanhourbef orethedooropensand
Sphawal ksin.Hesi
tsacrossme, "Thandowhatdi d
youdo? "Il
ookathim confused, "
uh?"Hedoesn' tsay
anythi
ngandl ooksmest r
aightint heeyes,"Iwentto
thei
rhousewant
ingtospeakt
ot hem aboutthei
r
chil
dbull
yi
ngKhanyi
.Thenhestartedbeati
nginher
."
Hi
m:That
'snotwhatt
heyar
esay
ing.
Me:
whatdoy
oumean?
?
Hi
m:t
heyar
en'
tgoi
ngt
opr
esschar
ges.
Me:whatdoyoumeantheyar
en'
tgoi
ngt
opr
ess
char
ges?Agai
nstwhom?
Hi
m:y
ou
Me:
what
??Wai
t,f
orwhat
?
Hi
m:f
orassaul
t
Me:
Sphar
eal
l
y,askherwhathappened
Hi
m:weal
readydi
d.
Me:di
dy ouseet
hemar
ksonherneck?
?Supposedl
y
Idi
dthattoo?
Him:Thandoy
ouneedt
ogohomet
oyourhusband
andkids.

Ist
oodupbangi
ngont
het
abl
e,"
Sphahe'
sgoi
ngt
o
ki
llher
!!Dammityouneedt
odosomet hi
ng.
"If
elt
l
ightheadedandsatdown,
"you'
reokay?
"
Me:Sphayou'v
eknownmef
ormostofmyl
i
fe,
you
knowIwouldn'
tdothat
.
Him:ThandoIdon'
tknowy
ouany mor
e,t
het
hings
youdo,thewomanyouhavebecome.
Me:
Sphapl
ease.
Hi
m:St
op!
!STOPI
TALREADY!
!

Ifel
tmyheartshatt
er,
"nowoneoft heguy swi l
ldrive
youhome, st
ayawayfrom thatfamilypl ease. "Was
thi
sreall
yhappeni
ng,"
shewon' tsurvive...think
aboutthechi
ldr
en.
"Hest oodupandwal kedt owar ds
thedoor,"
cal
lmewheny ourhomesaf e."Ilookedat
him wit
htear
sinmyey es,"Don'
tdot his..."Iwal ked
overtohim,"
goodbyeThando."Isniffedandwal ked
outthedoorandhefoll
owedme, "
thisi swr ong.."
WewalkedpasstheKingsandMrsalut
edSphaand
puthi
shandaroundhiswif
e.Sphal
edmet oacar
andputmeinsi
de,"t
ellmewhenyou'
rehomeand
l
osemynumberaf t
erthat
."Isobbedal lt
heway
homeandIknewIhadt odosomet hing,Ihadleftmy
phoneinmycar .IwantedtocallIcebutcouldn't
.
WhenIgothomeawor ri
edKhenangr eet
edmeat
thedoor,hetr
iedtotouchme, "Don't
!"ISaidwalking
away ,
"wherei
sshe? "Helookedatmewi t
hwor r
y ,"
in
herroom.Idon'tthi
nknowi sagoodt ime.
"

Iwal kedupt hest air

sl i
keazombi eandt ooka
showert henchangedi ntomyl ongpaj amas.Iwent
toknockonKhany i
'sdoorandent eredwithoutan
i
nv it
e.Shewassi t
ti
ngonherbedl ookingatherTV.
Shewasn' twat chi
ng, j
ustlooking."Heybaby ."She
turnedt ol
ookatmebutst il
ldi
dn'tsayany thing,"are
youAl ri
ght?"ShenoddedandIt ookt hatasani nvite
tosi tonherbedandIgav eherahug.Shecr iedin
myar ms,l
ikel etitallout.Wedi dn'tsayanythingf or
awhi l
eunti
l shewascal m, "
it
'salrightbaby..
.Tammi
i
sat roubl
edchi l
dfrom abadf amily.Shetakesi tout
oni nnocentpeopl elikey ou.
"Shesni f
fed,"
Iwasso
nicet oher.
"
Me:
babyy
ouneedt
ounder
standt
hatt
her
ear
e
somepeopl ewhodon' tknowhowt or eceivelov e
andki ndness.I nsteadofopeningupt heirhearts,
theyclosei toffbecauseam t heyknowi spain.The
onlywayt heyknowhowt odealwitht heirissuesis
throughv i
olenceandt aki
ngoutt heirissueson
i
nnocentpeopl ewhohav en'tdoneany thingwr ong.
Allthathappenedi syoubecameav ictim ofabuse
from achildt hatlackedlovefrom theirpar ents.
Don'tlethert akey oursmi l
eawayf rom y ou,you
hav ealovingf amilyandt hat'
senoughr easont o
makey ousmi l
e,soshedt hatloveont hosewho
needanddeser veit.

Ispokef orlongandr eali

sedshewasasl eep,
Khenanwasst andingatt hedoorl ookingatus.I
tuckedheri nandt henwentt oourbedr oom with
Khenanonmyheel s, "Thandowhathappened? "He
asked,itwassosi ncer eandIfeltit.Ij
ustbr oke
downandcr i
ed,Iev ent uall
ytol
dhi m ev ery
thing.
"Youplay edy ourpar tbaby ,butIthinkSphai sr i
ght.
Letthem sor titout.Idon' twanty oust ressi
ngov er
otherfami l
ies,youhav ey ourownt otakecar eof."
Hesai dthatrubbi
ngmyt ummy ,"
you'
reagood
person..
.Ilov
ey ou."Hekissedmyf or
eheadandwe
cuddledinbedt i
llIfel
lasleep.
[
11/
23,
18:
20]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode143

Myheadandhear
twasheav
ywhenIwokeup,
I
t
urnedar
oundand
Khenanwasn’
tinbedbutKhany
iwassl
eepi
ngt
her
e.
Ismil
edandki
ssed
herf
oreheadandsheopenedherey
es,
“mor
ning
baby
.”shesmiled,
“hey
mom, di
dyousleepwel
l
?”Inodded,
“shoul
dn’
tyou
beatschool
?”
Her
:Daddysai
dIcanst
ayhome.
Me:
Iguesswehav
etocal
li
nandl
ett
hem know.
Her
:Daddydi
dthatal
ready
.
Me:Seemsli
key
ouanddaddyhav
eital
lfi
gur
edout
don’
tyou.
Shedi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ng,
“babywhydi
dn’
tyout
ell
me
aboutt
his?
”she
shrugged;
daddysai
dwemust
n’tst
ressy
ou
becauseofthebaby
.“Ohi
s
i
t?”Iaskedrai
si
ngmyey
ebr
ows,
“andhesai
dyou’
re
cr
azyandy ouwil
l
ki
l
lany bodywhot
ouchesme.
”Il
aughed,
“Nowt
hat
i
strue.Nobody
messeswi
thmyf
ami
l
yandget
sawaywi
thi
t.
”
Wespentthemorni
ngi
nbedbef
oregoi
ngt
ocheck
outt
heciv
iccent
re,
Khanyi
wantedtohav
eherbi
rt
hdayt
her
e.Whodoes
thi
schi
ldt
hinkshe
i
s?Thepaint
ingandt
het
il
ingwasdone,
all
we
neededt
odowasget
fur
nit
ure.Ihadameet
ingwi
thmydesi
gner
,who
happenedtobethe
sameonewewer eusi
ngf
ort
hehot
elr
esor
tin
Mpumalangaandshewas
j
ustgr
eat
.Wehadameet
ingf
oraboutanhouranda
hal
funt
ilKhany
igot
agi
tat
edandwehadt
ogogetherf
ed.

Therestoft
heweekwasqui
et,
Ivi
si
tedmymom
bef
oreheranddadtook
anot
herhol
i
day
.Thewayt
heset
wot
rav
el,
toomuch
i
fyouaskmeandI
can’
tkeepup.I
twasFr
idayni
ghtandwewer
e
i
ndoorshavi
nggame
ni
ghtwi
thMduandMbal
i
,ithadbeenawhi
l
esi
nce
wehungout
act
ual
ly.Thei
rbabywasgr
owi
ngsomuchandbei
ng
amothersuit
edher.
“
You’
reglowi
ng;t
hisbabyi
sdoi
ngy
ougood.
”Ir
oll
ed
myeyesather
,
“
ifonl
yyouknew, t
hewayI
’
vebeensl
eepi
ng.I
fit
wasn’
tforKhenanI
woul
dbeawr
eck.
”
Her
:Atl
easty
ou’
renotgai
ningwei
ght
.
Me:
Thewor
sti
syett
ocome.
Her
:Andy
oupacki
tfut
hiwena.
Me:
Real
l
y?Thanksf
ri
end.
Khenan:
Rememberwhent
heywer
ewr
it
ingabout
her
?Whatdidt
hey
cal
lyou,
awhal
e?
Ever
yoneinther
oom l
aughed,
“Mbal
ipl
easedon’
t
getmestart
edon
y
ou.
”Mdulaughedthehar
destandMbal
ishother
t
hel
ook,
“babythat
’s
notfai
r,i
t’
sfunnywhenwe’
ret
easi
ngThando?Don’
t
thr
owst onesi
fyou
l
i
vei
nagl
asshouse.
”Igav
eMduahi
ghf
ive,
“Mxm…
y
out
oodeser
ve
eachother
.”Ipoutedmyl
i
ps,
“andher
eIwasgoi
ng
tolety
ouhav eyour
weddi
ngatmyci
vi
ccent
re.
”
Mbal
i
:Wel
lobv
iousl
yI’
l
lhav
eitt
her
e.
Me:
Psssh,
youwer
egoi
ngt
obet
hef
ir
st.
Mbal
i
:Andnotany
mor
e?
Me:No,unl
essyoupl
ayni
cef
ort
her
estoft
heni
ght
t
henIcanconsi
der
i
t.
Mdu:
whenwi
l
litber
eady
?
Me:Inabout6mont
h’st
imemay
be7mont
hst
he
l
atest
.
MduandMbal
ilookedateachot
her
,Ir
aisedmy
ey
ebr
ow,“
andthat?”
Khenanwasl
ooki
ngatt
hem t
oo,
“It
houghtIwast
he
onl
yoneseei
ngit
.
Spil
li
t!
”Mbal
irol
l
edherey
es,
“ther
eisn’
tany
thi
ngt
o
tel
l
.”
Me:
Thenwhyt
hewei
rdl
ooks?
IknowMbal
icankeepasecr
ett
ohergr
avesoI
neededt
oworkhardf
or
t
hisone.Khenanlookedatme,
heknowsmet
oo
well
thatIwil
lst
art
askingquesti
onsandheshookhi
shead,
Ijust
shrugged,“
what?”he
t
otall
yignor
edmeandgotupt
ofet
chmor
esnacks.I
l
etitgofornowand
cont
inuedonwi
tht
heni
ght
.theyl
eftj
ustaf
ter21h30
andIwas
exhaust
ed,Ij
ustwantedtogeti
ntobed.Af
ter
walki
ngthem outKhenan
foundmei ntheroom lwasputt
ingonlot
ionafter
myqui ckshower.Hesmiledatme,gi
vi
ngmea
naughtylook,"
No."Hi
sfacechanged,"
Idi
dn'tsay
anythi
ng."
Me:babyI
'
veknowy oufor
ever
,Iknowwhaty
ou
wantandi
t'
snothappeni
ng.Nottoni
ght
.

Isatont hebedandhewal kedovert

omysi de,"baby
i
t'
sbeenf orever.
"Hekissedmyli
psandt henmy
shoulder,"YouthinkMbaliandMduar emov ing
away? "Hest oppedandlookedatme, "y
ou'rekidding
ri
ght?That 'sthereasonwhyyoudon'twantt ohav e
sexwi thme? ?"Ipushedhi sfaceawayget t
ingi nt o
bed, "ImeanIof ferheraweddi ngandshedecl inesi t
.
YouknowMbal ilikesf ancyt hingsandt hisisj ustup
heral ley."Khenanwal kedi ntot hecl oseti gnor ingme,
"Whatot herr easoncoul ditbe? "Hecameoutwhi le
puttingonhi ssleepi ngshi r
t,hehadn' tshower edbut
thatwast helastt hingonmymi nd." Li kereal l
ybaby ,
whatot herr easonwoul dther epossi blybe? "He
scratchedhi sheadl ooki ngannoy edandIpai dhi m
nomi nd.Hegoti ntobedandswi tchedof fhi sl amp,
"may beshe' spregnantagai n."Khenansai d
sarcast icall
ybef or et urninghi sbackonme." No, she
woul dt ellmet hough.Ev enifshei swhycan' tt hey
getmar ried?"Hel etoutal oudsi ghofannoy ance
andIwasn' tbother ed, "t
hesamer easonshedi dn' t
getmar riedlastt imeandy ouhadt odot hesmal l
weddi ngf orher."It houghtt omy self, "nahy ou're
wring, shewoul dhav et oldme. "Het ur nedar ound
andgotont opofme, "shewi l
ltell youwhenshe' s
ready ,ri
ghtnowKongneedshi smeal .
"Hesai dt hat
gri
ndi ngonmeandIf elthismanhoodhar dagai nst
meandIcoul dn'thel pbi tgiggle, "that '
smor el ikei t.
"
Hel eaneddownandki ssedmeandt hent her ewasa
bangatt hedoor.Notthebedroom doorbutthe
maindoor ,"
babyy ouhearthat?
"Heshookhi shead
andtri
edt okissmeagai nbutthebangingconti
nued.
"They
'll
goaway "hesaidagainnowkissingmeandI
havein."DAD!"Therewasashoutf rom downstair
s,
hepunchedt hebed, "
canamannotmakel ov
et ohis
sexypregnantwi f
e??"
Hegotup,"
I'
ll
bebacktof
ini
sht
hisoff
,don'
tgo
any
where.
"Heexi
tedther
oom l
eavi
ngmel aughi
ng.

*
***
**

Khenanmadehi swaydownt hest airsandwasmet

byhissonandanangr yTammi ,herf acewasred
andherhairmessy ."Shekill
edher !!It
'sall
herfaul
t!
!
Shewi l
lpayfort
his!!Ihateher!"Khenanwas
confused,"
whatarey ouonabout .Takeaseatand
tel
lmewhat '
swrong. "Hewasnowwor r
iedtoo
becauseshewascr yi
ng, "
doIlookl ikeIwantto
fucki
ngsitdown?Tel lthatbit
cht ocomedownand
faceme!"
Khenan:It
hinkyouhav
etor
tur
edmydaughter
enough,
nowI '
m myhousei
nfrontofme?
?
Tammi:yourwhor
eofawi
fe!
!Fucky
ourst
upi
d
daught
er!
!

Thandowasnowatt het hebot t

om oft hest airs
whileKhany istoodatt hetopoft hest airs."Baby? "
Thandoaskedconcer nedandr i
ghtt henTammi
chargedherbutKhenangr abbedherj ustani nch
awayf rom hiswife."I
tsal lyourfault!!You' r
eadev il
!!
Youbi t
chki l
ledmymom! !"Thet earsst ar t
edt oflow
downThando' sfaceandshet ookast epcl oserto
theTammi whowast ryi
ngsohar dt ogetoutof
Khenan'sgr i
p.Sheputherar msar oundTammi ,"I
'm
sorry.
"Shewasst il
ltryi
ngt ogetf ree, "you'r
enot !!
Youki l
l
edmymommy !!Iwantherback! !Iwantmy
mommy !
!"Shewai l
edsohar dandThandosi gnall
ed
forKhenant olethergowhi chhedi d.Tammi was
sti
llf
ighti
ngbutThandowoul dn'tlethergo, "l
etgoof
me!!Youki ll
edher !
!Youki ll
edher .
"Shekept
repeati
ngbutThandohel dhert i
ghtunt ilshehadno
fi
ghtleftinher.Shewasnowsobbi ngl oudlyand
Thandojustheldherinherarmst i
l
lshehadno
energytocryanymor e.Herbodycoll
apsedont he
fl
oorslowlybri
ngingThandodownwi t
hher.Theysat
onthecoldtil
esst i
l
lineachother
'sarms."I
'm so
sorr
ybaby."We'retheonlywordsthatcouldescape
Thando'sl
ips,"
I'
m sosor r
y."
Tammi wasnowsni f
fi
ngandshehadhi ccups, "
baby
pleasegethersomewat er.
"Shesai dlooki ngat
Khany iwhowasst i
llfrozenatt het opoft hest air
s.
Shedi dn'tmove,"Khany i,waterplease. "She
snappedoutofhert r
anceandwal kedt ot hekitchen
comi ngbackwi thagl assofwat ert hatshehanded
tohermom.Thandohel pedTammi drinkthewat er
andkeptr ubbi
ngherbackandhead." Arey ouok? '
'
Tammi noddedsl i
ght l
y,"wanttosi tont hecouch
andt el
lmewhathappened? "Theposi tiont heywere
i
nwasv eryuncomf ort
abl e,
Tammi noddedandt hey
gotupandsatont hecouch.

*
***Thando
Igotonei ft het hrowsandputi tov erhershoul ders
andsatnextt oher ."Whathappenedchi l
d? "Tammi
didn'tspeakshej ustzonedoutf ort helongestt i
me.
Shewasst ar i
ngi nt ospaceandIknewIwasn' t
gettingany thingoutofhert onight."Letmef i
xy ou
upsomet hi ngt oeat ."Igotupandsi gnalledf or
Khany itocomesi twi t
hherwhi chshedi dr eluctantl
y.
Iwentt ot heki tchenandf oundKhenanont hephone.
Iwasdi shi ngupwhenhef i
nished, "wegoi ngt osee
whathappenedt her e."Ilookedathi m shocked, "You
can'tgoal one. "Hegav emeahugandki ssedmy
forehead, Dumi andI cear ecomi ngwi t
h.Il etouta
sighofr eli
ef ,"becar ef ul
,thatmani sdanger ous. "He
kissedmyl i
pst hi st i
me, "
Don' twor ryaboutme, take
careoft hatchi l
d. ..sheneedsy our ightnow. "Wi th
thathel eftandIwar medupt hef ood.Byt het i
meI
gott othel oungeKhany iandTammi hadf allen
asleep.Khany i hadherar m ov erher ,Ismi l
edev en
thoughIwi shedt hesi tuati
onwasbet t
er.Igott hem
abl anketandsatacr osst hem wi that hrowwai ting
tohearf rom Khenan.
*
***
*Khenan.

WhenIgott otheKingresidenceDumi wasalr

eady
ther
eandhegotoutt hecart omeetme.Wehada
manhugandIgav ehim abr i
efexplanati
onasto
whathadhappened." I
cewi l
lbejoiningussoon, t
his
mani sunpredi
ctabl
esoIcan' tt
aket hechance."I
dial
edIce,"
whereYou? .
..
.okwei r
dgoi nginthr
ough
thefront
."

Ir eportedtoDumi t
hatIcewasatt heback, wedr ew
ourweaponsandmadeourwayi nside.Wef oundMr
Kingsi tt
ingont hefl
oorhol di
nghi swifewhowas
cov eredinblood,hehadhi sgunonhi slapandwas
holdingagl asswi t
hanot herhand.West eppedin
slowl yandhequi ckl
ygothi sgun.Thi sguyi sa
trainedkill
er;Idon'
tknowwhatt hef uckwewer e
thinking.Hepoi nt
edhi sguntohi shead, "t
ake
anot herstepandI '
ll
doi t
."Wef r
ozei nourt rack,
of
cour sewedi dn'twanthimt odot hat."Easyt i
ger
."
Dumi said,"
itdoesn'thavetoendt hisway ."Heletgo
ofhiswi feandherl i
felessbodydr oppedt ot hef loor.
Shehadagunwoundi nherheadandsev eral ot hers
onherchest .Whatki ndofamandoest hist ohi s
ownwi f e.West oodt her enotknowi nghowt o
proceedunt ilI
cewal kedi n,"
thefuck?"Ki ngpoi nt ed
hisgunatI cewhodi dn'tseem phasedbyal l t
hi s,He
puthi sgunont hecouchandwal kedt owar dsKi ng,
"stopr i
ghtt hereIce, IswearI '
m goingt opul lthe
tri
gger ."Icedi dn'tstopunt i
lhesatdownacr ossKi ng
l
eani ngi noneoft hechai r
s,hegrabbedt hegl ass
thatKi ngwasdr inkingf rom, "
somet hingsj ustnev er
change. "Hesai daf tert akingasip,"onl yt hebest .
"
Het ookanot hersip, "whatar eyoudoi nher eIce? "I
wassoconf used, Ihadt ogetSphadownher e.Hi s
empl oy ee, hismess.It urnedt owalkout , "wher et o
prett
yboy ?"Ilookedathi m,"smokebr eakwhi ley ou
catchupwi t
hy ourmat e."Ididn'
tgot of ar ,Icoul d
sti
llheart heirconv ersat i
onwhi l
egiv i
ngSphat he
details.
I
ce:
whathappenedKi
ng?
Ki
ng:
whaty
out
alki
ngabout
?
I
ce:
youst
oppedt
aki
ngy
ourmedi
cat
ion?
Ki
ng:
youknowhowt
hatshi
ttur
nedme.
I
ce:
itcal
medy
ou.
Ki
ng:
Iwasr
etar
dedwhenIwasdr
uggedup.
I
ce:
youwer
esane.

Iwalkedi nasI cewaspour inganotherglass,"what

didshedo? "Iceaskedev ersocalmly,"
shewasa
badgirl
."Kingsai drockingbackandf ort
h, hi
sgun
wasst i
llpointedatIce."Whatabouty ourdaught er
?"
Kinglookedupi mmedi atel
y,"
whereisshe? ?Wher e
i
smygi r
l??"Iceshookhi shead,"Ishouldbeaski ng
youthat."Kingst ar
tedshakinghisheadv i
gorously
andhitti
nghi sheadwi thhisgun,"Tammi !!Tammi !!
"
I
ce:
she'
snother
e!!
Ki
ng:Shutup!
!Justshutt
hef
uckup!
!Br
ingmemy
pr
incess!
!
I
ce:
Idon'
thav
eher
.
Ki
ng:
whyar
eyouher
e??
Hewasnowr ocki
ngharderandshakinghi
shead
moreandbeati
ngonitharder.Hewasstar
ti
ngto
bl
eed,"
Kingyou'
rehur
ti
ngy oursel
f.
"
Ki
ng:
Kingi
sabadboy
!!Badbadboy
!
I
ce:
giv
emet
hegunKi
ng.
Ki
ng:
youcan'
tsav
emet
hist
ime.

Hewaslikeacrazyper
son,andsuddenl
ypoi
ntedt
he
gunatI
ceagain."Wher
eisshe."

"King!"Weal lturnedar oundandf oundSpha

standingbehi ndus, Kingst oodupl aughingwhi le
standingatat tenti
on." Ateasy."Sphasai d, hewasi n
uniform andifImustadmi thel ookedi nt
imi dati
ng.
"Explainyourself,
"hesai dasser ti
vely!"Chief..
.I'
m
sorry."Heraisedhi sgunandshothi msel finthe
head." NO!!
"Icescr eamedoutl oud.Ther ewasbl ood
alloverthewal landI cer antohi m al
mostcat ching
hisbodybef or eithi
tt heground." No...no...no!"I'
ve
nev erseenicegett hisemot i
onal,hehel dKi ng'
s
body,
"Noman! !No!
"Sphaturnedar
oundtoleave
wit
hhisheaddown, "
you'
rehappy??
"Askedanangry
I
ce,Sphastoodinhi
stracksandtur
nedjustonl
yhis
head,
"Areyouhappynow? "

Ididn'
tunder standwhatwasgoi ngon, "thi
swashi s
doing,Ididn'
thav ethegunt ohi shead."Wi ththathe
walkedoutandt hensomemenwal kedinsidewi th
camerasandst artedtakingpictur
es.Icest oodup
andwal kedout , "
Ice..
."Iranafterhi
m.Hewentout
thebackandi ntohi scarbef or
eIcoul dcatchhi m.I
tri
edhisphonebuther ej
ectedmycal landt henit
wenttov oicemai l af
terthat.Whatthehe' ll
wasgoi ng
onhere?
[
11/
23,
18:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode144

Myphoner angasImademywayt owardsthecar

anditwasThando, "
heybaby,I'
m sorr
ytocallbutI'
m
tooworri
ed."Il
etoutasigh,"
Khenanwhat '
swr ong,
areanyofyouhurt?"Icoul
dn'
tholditi
n,"Heshot
himsel
f.
"Thandobr okedownandIhear dshuffl
ing,
"whatyoumean?Whathappened? ?Baby,youdon'
t
underst
and."Shewasf r
eakingoutandthat'
sexact
ly
whyIwant edtotel
lherfacetoface,
"I'
l
lexplai
n
whenI '
m home.Justgiveme30t oanhour .
"

IlookedforSphabuthewasnowher etobeseen, hi
s
team confir
medt hathehadl eft
.WhenItr
iedhiscel
l
i
twentst rai
ghttov oi
cemail."Wantt
otel
lmewhat
thatwasal labout
?"Ishrugged,"Iwi
shIknew."
Dumi
:howdi
dyougetcaughtupi
nal
loft
his?
?
Me:hisdaughterwasbull
yi
ngKhany
iatschool
..
.I
honest
lydi
dn'tthi
nkitwoul
dgettot
his.
Dumi
:andhowdoesheknowI
ce?
Me:
beat
sme.
..honest
lyIdon'
tknow.
Dumi
:IbetSphadoes.
Me:
li
kehe'
dev
ert
ell
me.
Dumi
:buthe'
dtel
lme.
Me:
Idon’
tthi
nkweshoul
dgeti
nvol
ved.
Dumi :
What ?Youdr agmeouther etowat chaman
blowhisbrainsoutaf t
erkil
li
nghiswife.Andy ousay
notgetinvolved,whenIseet hetoughestguyIknow
breakdowni nf r
ontofus.Againy ousayletitgo,di
d
youseeSpha?Okhewasn’ tshookaboutwhat
happened,almostl i
kehewant edhimt odie.
Somet hi
ngisgoi ngonandIwi ll
gettot hebottom of
thiswhetheryoul i
keitornot.

Me:
Thesepeopl
edon’
tmeanany
thi
ngt
oyou.

Dumi:
yetwefoundour sel
vesint
hatroom…t herei
s
ali
nksomewhere.Idon’tbel
i
eveincoinci
dences.

Iletoutasigh,becauseIknewIwasn’tgoi
ngto
changehismi nd,“Ineedt
ogot el
lThandowhat
happened,canwemeetupt omorrowandf i
ndaway
forward?
”webot hwentourseparat
eway ,
Igot
homeandf oundt heki dssleepingont hecouch.
Thandowasn’ tinourr oom, If
oundheri nLakhi we’s
room theywer eplayingt heplaystation, “
heyguy s,
”I
saidkissingLakhi we’shead, “
dad!”hepr otestedand
Ilaughed, “whyar eyouup. ”Heshr ugged, “couldn’t
sleep.”Irubbedhi shead, “
alri
ghtbuddy ,l
ookIneed
totakey ourmom away .Trygetti
ngsomesl eep.”He
switchedhi sTVof fandThandof ollowedmeoutof
theroom andt othebarar ea,Ipouredmy selfadr i
nk.
Ihateddr inki
ngi nfrontofherbecauseshecoul dn’t
,
butIneededt hisdrink.Shesatont hebar stooland
l
ookedatme, Itookadeepbr eathe,“whathappened
therebaby ?”Ishookmyhead, “I
’m nott oosur e,we
foundhi m holdinghi sdeadwi feandt henI cewal ked
i
n.Theyknoweachot her.”

Thando:
Whatdoy
oumean?

Me:
Icewal
kedi
nandcal
l
edhi
m byname.

Thando:
May
beanol
dfr
iend?
Me:I
t’
smoret hanthat,t
hisKi
ngguyiscrazy.He
wasonmedication,seemsasthoughthestopped
t
aki
ngitandthat’swhyheshothiswife.

Thando:
Wai
t,l
i
kecr
azycr
azy
?

Me:yip,
hewasr ocki
ngbackandfor
thli
keababy
andbanginghi
sgunagainsthi
shead.Hewas
hur
ti
nghi msel
fandIcet
ri
edtocalm hi
m downbuti
t
di
dn’twork.

Thando:
didhesaywhyheki
l
ledher
?

Me:Notreal
l
y,somet
hingabouthernotl
i
steni
ng.
Butt
hat’
snotthewor
st.

Thando:
Whathappened?
Me:Sphawal
kedin,andt
hat
’swhenIsawt
hatKi
ng
wasreal
l
ypsycho.

Thando:
hmmm?

Me:Hest ooduplikealmostt
osal
ute,
buthewas
l
aughing.Hejustsaidhe’
ssorr
yandblewhi
sfucki
ng
br
ainsout.

Thando:
Whatdi
dSphasay
?

Me:That
’st
heweir
dpar
t,hedi
dn’
tcare,
andhe
t
urnedandwal
kedaway
.Icewasdevast
ated.

Thando:
Howso?

Me:
Likehej
ustl
osthi
sbr
other
,li
kecl
oset
otear
s.
Thando:
Yout
hinkt
heyar
erel
ated?

Me:Baby
,yousawMrKi
ng.Nope,
plust
heyar
edi
ff
r
aces.

Thando:
Maybet
heyar
enotbl
oodr
elat
ed,
youknow
armyshi
t.

Me:
ButI
ce…

Thando:
Yeah.

Iletoutasi
gh,
hadn’tthoughtaboutthat.WhenI
foundIcehewasont hestreetandhadrunf r
om t
he
armybecausetheymadet hem kil
l
inginnocent
peopleandst eal
ingfrom othercount r
ies.Theyhad
rogueoperationsandhedi dn’twantt obeapar tofit
,
hedidn’
tgivemuchdet ai
ls.Icedoesn’tgivedetail
s
aboutanyt
hi ngreal
ly.Thandomi ghtber i
ght,byt
he
ti
meIwasdonet hi
nkingabouti tThandowasont he
phoneandi twasonspeaker ,“doy ouseewhatt he
ti
mei s?
”

Thando:
Ineedy
ourhel
p.

Keenan:
What
?

Thando:
Iwantt
ofi
ndoutaboutI
cebei
ngi
nthe
armyornav
y.

Keenan:
Whydon’
tyouaskhi
m?

Thando:
Becausei
t’
sIce.
Keenan:
Ican’
thel
pyout
her
esi
si.

Me:
Keenan,
it’
simpor
tant
.

Keenan:Ipr
omisedhimthatIwon’tl
ookint
ohis
past
.Plus,I
ceknowshowt ocoveruphistr
ackssoI
wouldn’
tfi
ndanythi
ng.

Thando:
thi
sisamat
terofl
i
feanddeat
h.

Keenan:
No.Ihav
etogo.

Hecutthecall;
okIknewt hatI
ceandKeenanhad
got
tenclose.Butt
hiscl
ose?Iwasshocked.Wetried
I
ceagainandaspr edi
cted,st
rai
ghtt
ovoicemai
l.
*
***
*Thando

Wel ethim bef ort

heni ghtandwewentt obed.
Whenwewokeupt henextmor ni
ngthegirl
swer en’
t
ont hecouchIf oundt hem inKhany i
’sroom gett
ing
dressed.Iassumedt heyhadj ustbathed,Iheard
them talkbeforeIwal kedin,“
y ourmom iscool
though, andshepulledagunonmydad.Shehas
ball
s,mymom woul dhav enev erdonethat,shewas
ascar edy-cat
.”Khany ikeptquietandthenspoke,
“mymom woul ddoany t
hingtokeepmesaf e,and
may bey ourmom wasdoi ngthesamet hing.”
Tammi
:Whatdoy
oumean?

Khany
i:Maybeshewasstay
ingwi
thy
ourdadsoshe
canpr
otectyouf
rom hi
m.

Tammi snif
fed,“but…”shepausedandshest ar
ted
cryi
ngagainandIopenedt hedoorandwalkedin.
Khanyiwasrubbi ngherbackandcomf or
ti
ngher ,
I
watchedthem forawhi l
eunt i
lshecal
meddown,
“morni
ngladies.”TheygreetedmebackandIasked
Khanyitogiv
emeamomentwi t
hTammi.Ipull
ed
thechai
randsatacr ossher ,“
howareyoufeeli
ng?”
sheshrugged,“Ihatehim.”

Me: Iunder
standwhyyouwouldfeelt
hatway
.But
youneedt ounder
standthaty
ourfat
herwasver
y
sickandthatmadehim dowhathedid.

Tammi:Buthewasonthemedicat
ion,
UncleSam
sai
difhetakest
hemedici
net
henhewi l
lgetbet
ter
.
Me:Hest
oppedt
aki
ngt
hemedicati
on.Hashe
st
oppedt
aki
nghi
smedi
cat
ionbefor
e?

Shenodded,“
wantt
otell
mewhathappened?
”she
l
etoutasigh,
“hewant
edtobur
nthehouseandki
l
l
usal
l.
”

Me:
Whydi
dhewantt
obur
nthehouse?

Tammi:Heusedt
ohearv
oices,andt
heywere
cal
l
inghi
m.Theywant
edhim backonther
anger
s.

Me:
Ranger
s?

Her
:Thear
mypeopl
e,t
heydi
dbadt
hingsandt
hat
’s
whydadandUncl
eSam l
eft
.

Me:
Wher
eisUncl
eSam?

Sheshr ugged, “
heonl ycomeswhenIneedhi m.”Il
et
outasigh, “y
ouhav eotherfami l
ybesideshim?”she
shookherhead, “baby,uhm…y ourdad,heshot
hi
msel flastnight.”Shedidn’tsayanythingjust
nodded, “ar
ey ouokay ?”shenoddedagai nanddidn’
t
cry
,“Let’sgetsomebr eakfast.
”

Wewal keddownst ai
rsandthef amil
ywassit t
ingin
thediningr oom andIsignal
l
edt oKhenan,wewent
i
ntot hekitchen,“what
’sIce’
srealnameagai n?”he
shrugged,“ comeonbabe, Kim sai
dittheti
mewe
wereatt hehospi t
alwit
hAbebi.”Hescr at
chedhi s
head, “
didshenotsaySam? ”
Hi
m:Whyi
sthi
simpor
tant
?

Me:Tammisay
sshehasanUncl eSam thatusedt
o
bei
nthear
mywi t
hherdad.It
hinkthati
sIce.

Hi
m:Ok,
may
bebutt
hatdoesn’
tbr
inghi
m back.

Me:
Shesai
dhewi
l
lcomei
fseeneedshi
m.

Hi
m:Soshecancommuni
cat
ewi
thhi
m?

Me:
Ithi
nkso,
Idon’
tknowhowt
hought
.

Hi
m:Fi
ndoutandgethi
m her
e.

Me:
Shesai
dsomet
hingaboutt
her
anger
s.
Hi
m:Fuck,
yes…t
het
att
oo!

Me:
Tat
too?

Hi
m:Let
’sgo…

Me:
Theki
ds?

Hi
m:Onl
yanhourorso.

Hewentupst airsandIwentt ot
hedi ningroom,they
wereal l
eati
ng.“Uhm listenguyswehav etogof ora
while.Tammi i
st hereany t
hingyouneedmet oget
foryouf r
om yourhouse? ”shedirectedmei nher
room togetar adio,
wei r
d.Iwentt ochange; I
brushedmyt eethandwashedmyf ace.Thisfel
tli
ke
ol
dtimesandmyhear
twasbeati
ngoutofmychest
.
Iworebl
ackl
eggi
ngandbl
acksneaker
sanda
hoodi
e.

Wegott othefarmhouseandt heguyswer ethere,

wewenti nt
othecomput erroom andKhenansat
down.Hest ar
tedt y
ping‘
theRangers’Canestoodup,
“whatkindoftroubl
ehavey ougott
eny oursel
finto?
”
heaskedmov ingtowardsthescreens,“youknow
them,’
Iasked.

Cane:
Whatt
hef
uckhav
eyougot
teny
our
sel
fint
o?

Ishrugged,“
it
’snotme.”Thepi
ctur
epoppedup,
“r
ightIce,
Ishouldhav
eguessed.”Hesai
dsit
ti
ng
backdown,
“Cane,
whati
sit
?”

“Theseguy sdon’ tl i
stent oany one;theyar et he
scariestofscar y.Theyar eanar mygr oupthatdoes
cover toper
ationsonl ytheyknowabout .Ther ear e6
ofthem andt heirl eader, t
heoper at
ionwasshut
downandt heyhav espl itup.Butr umourhasi tthat
l
eaderi ssti
lloper atingwi thsomeoft hegang.They
arenowspr eadar oundi ndifferentprovincesand
diff
erentdepar tment sofSANDF…”hesai dandt hen
continued,“Gaddaf i
,wast hem, Radama, Samuel
Doe…shoul dIcont i
nue? ”Ilookedathi m blanklyand
thensomet hingcaughtmyey e,‘wait,
andgoback. ”
Khenanl ookedupatme, “what? ”Iwalkedov erto
him, “gobackt ot hepr ev i
ouspi ctur
e.”Hedi d,“zoom
i
nher e,
”Ipointedt oay oungSpha, “woah…f uckt hi
s
shit
…whati sgoi ngon?I ceneedst ocomebackand
explainhimself.”Ipi ckedupmyphone, “I’
llseey ou
backathome. ”
Igrabbedt hekeysanddrovetotheKingresi
dence
andl ookedinTammi ’
sroom andfoundanar my
radio.Whatisshedoingwithoneofthese?Ipacking
i
ti nabagpackIf oundinherroom al
ongwi t
haf ew
clothesbeforeheadi
ngout.

*
***
***
“Areyouhappynow,
youevent
uall
yki
ll
edhim.”He
stoodup,“
Thisi
swhatyouwantedal
lal
ong.”

Spha:
Youwi
l
lnott
alkt
omet
hatway
?

I
ce:
Orwhat
?

Spha:
Kingwasunst
abl
eandy
ouknowi
t.

I
ce:
Didy
ouensur
ethathet
ookhi
smedi
cat
ion?

Spha:
Thatwasn’
tmyr
esponsi
bil
i
ty.

I
ce:Ohy esIf
orgot,
y ourr
esponsi
bil
i
tywast
omake
hi
mt or
tureandkil
lforyou.
Spha:
Youdon’
tknowwhaty
ou’
ret
alki
ngabout
.

I
ce:Ihavepr
ooft
haty
ou’
rest
il
lrunni
ngt
hisshi
t
oper
ati
on.

Spha:
Andwhatwi
l
lyoudowi
thi
t?Youwer
eapar
t
ofi
t.

I
ce:Ihav
enothingt
olose;
Iwas18andj
ust
f
oll
owingor
ders.

Spha:
Don’
ttestmeboy
.

IceLaughed,
“Youstop,
andt hi
sshi
tendsnow.First
i
twasZombi eandnowKi ng.Youwanttogetthem
allki
l
leddon’
tyou?Hisphonebeeped,
“thi
sisn’
t
over.
”HeleftSphainhisof
fi
ceangryandfumi
ng.He
pi
ckedupt hephone,“
Ice.
”Theotherper
sonkept
quiet
,“di
dyouhearwhatIsaid?
”

Man:
Butsi
r…

Spha:
Notaquesti
on,bytheendoft
heweekIwant
hi
shead.I
fIdon’
tgetit
,I’
l
ltakey
our
s.

Man:
YesChi
ef.

Hecutt hecal
landpour
edhimselfadrinkt
hentook
i
tallback.Hethrewt
heglassagainstt
hewall
,
“
fuck!”
[
11/
23,
18:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode145
*
***
**Thando.

“Andt henwhathappens?”IaskedTammi aft

ershe
haddonesomet hi
ngonther adi
o,“
thenheget sa
signalwithmylocati
onandhecomeswher everI
am. ”

Me:
Any
wher
e?

Tammi
:Any
wher
e…andheget
sther
equi
ck.

Me:
Hav
eyouev
erdonet
hisbef
ore?

Tammi
:Justonce.

Il
etoutasi
ghandl
ookedatt
her
adi
o,“
youdon’
t
hav
etol
ookati
t,hewon’
trepl
y.
”

Me:
whot
aughty
out
his?

Her
:DaddyandUncl
eSammy
.

Istoodup, “
Ihavetobathandhopeful
lyy
ouruncle
willbebackwhenI’m donethenwecandiscuss
funeralandyourl
iv
ingarrangement
.”

Tammi
:Whati
sther
etodeci
de,
Ihav
eahome.

Me:
You’
renotgoi
ngt
oli
vebyy
our
sel
f.

Tammi
:Sam can’
ttakecar
eofme.
Me:
Whyi
sthat
?

Tammi
:He’
stoobusy
.

Me:
We’
l
ltal
kwhenI
’
m done.

Iwentupstairst
oshowerandchange; Icameback
downandheadedf ort
heki t
chen.Thegi rlsfollowed
me; “
y ouguyswantsomet hi
ngtoeat ?”theynodded
i
nagr eementandsatont hebarstoolswhi l
et hey
watchedmemakebur gersandchips.“ Youguy swi ll
havet ogotoschoolsoony ouknow.”Ist arted, and
theyjustl
ookedatme, “
Tammi yougett ospendt hi
s
weekathomeandt hennextweekaf tert hef uneral
yougoback. ”Il
ookedatKhany i
,“youar egoi ngt his
week, andthenyoucantakeFridayoff.”
Khanyi
:Daddyf
oundmeat
eacherwhowi
l
lteachme
athome.

Me:
That
’sgr
eat
,andwhodi
dhedi
scusst
hatwi
th?

Tammi l
aughedandIgav
eheral
ookandshe
st
opped,“wel
l?
”

Khany
i:Ican’
tgobackt
oschool
though.

Me:
Whyi
sthat
?

Khany
i:Ev
ery
onel
aughsatme.

Me:Let
’sseei
ftheywi
l
lsti
llbelaughi
ngwhent
hey
seet
hatyouandTammi ar
ef r
iends.
Khany iner vouslylookedatTammi whogav ehera
smileandr ubbedhershoul der.Ismi ledand
conti
nuedt omakef ood, wewer etalkingabout
stupi
dst uffandKhany ipushingherl uckt ohav e
Tammi li
vewi t
hus.Shet hinksshei ssmar t,“
Uncle
Sammy !
!”Tammi screamedandr ani ntohisar ms;
hecroucheddownandenv el
opedheri nahugt hat
madeherbr eakdownagai n.“I’m herenow, don’t
cry.
”Theyst ayedint hatposi t
ionf orawhi le,hekept
rubbingherbackandpl ayi
ngwi thherhai r
,“i
tsok,”
hesai dwi thabr eakingv oi
ce.Whowoul dhav e
known, aft
erawhi let heycalmeddownand
separat edthei rhug.Hewi pedawayhert ears,“you
good? ”Shenoddedandt heyhel dhandsandwal ked
backt owar dsus, “youhungr y?”hel ookedatmenot
knowi ngwhatt osayandj ustnodded, “gi
rlsplease
setthet able. ”Khany iandTammi jumpedupand
tookpl atesandgl assest osetupi nthedi nning
room, “beer ?”
I
ce:
Yespl
ease.

Igothim abeeranddidn’
tsayany t
hing,“t
hanks.
”I
smiled,
“forev
eryt
hingandtakingcareofher ,
I’
ll
find
heraplacetostayaft
erthefuneral
.”Ilookedathim,
“whatdoy oumean?Wi l
lshebesaf ethere?Is
anyonesafe?”

I
ce:
Whatar
eyouonabout
?

Me:
TheRanger
s.

Ice:
Youdon’
tknowwhatyou’
ret
alki
ngabout
.I
suggesty
oustopbef
orey
ougethurt
.

Me:
Hur
tbySpha?
I
ce:
wil
lyoudr
opi
t?

Me:
YouknowIwon’
tdot
hat
.

I
ce:
Thandot
hisi
sdanger
ous,
andi
t’
sper
sonal
.

Me:Andal
lthet
imesy
ou’
vebeenshotorhur
t
i
nvol
vedi
nmyshi t
?

I
ce:
It’
sdi
ff
erent
.

“Takethatt
ot hediningroom,”Isaypoi nti
ngtoa
l
argebowl ofchips.Icutthebunsi nhalfandf oll
ow
them,every
thi
ngi ssetandt heystartbuil
dingtheir
ownbur ger
s.ThenKhenanwal ksin,“he’sali
ve.”He
si
tsdownandst
art
smaki
nghi
sbur
ger
,“y
ouhadus
worr
ied.
”

I
ce:
Youshoul
dknowbet
tert
hant
owor
ryaboutme.

Khenan:
Arey
ousur
e?

IcenoddedandKhenant ookouthi sphoneandsl id

i
ttoI ce,“you’v
egotthis?Ha. ”Ice’
seyesgrew, “t
hat
sonofa- ”Icl
earedmyt hroat,“Chi
ldr
en.
”Hest opped,
“fi
nishy ourfoodandwe’ l
l di
scussoncewe’ redone,”
Khenansai dbefor
etakingabi t
eofhisburger.We
ateinmai nl
ysil
ence,
wi thTammi aski
ngIce
quest i
onsev erynowandagai n.
Aft
erluncht
heywentt othestudyandItookmy
keysandheadedout.Idial
l
edSpha’soffi
ce,“
CanI
speaktoSphaplease….ThanksI’
ll
hold.
”

Spha:
Hel
l
o.

Me:
Hi,
I’
m ont
hewayt
oyou.

Spha:
IthoughtIsai
dlosemynumber
.

Me:Iwanttodi
scussf
uner
alar
rangement
sforMr
andMrsKing.

Spha:
Howi
sitanyofy
ourbusi
ness?

Me:
CanwespeakwhenIgett
her
e?

Spha:
I’
ll
tel
ltheguy
stoopenf
ory
ou.
Me:
Seey
oui
nabi
t.

Icutt hecall
,Sphathi
nkshe’ssmar t
.Igett
othe
baseandt heguysscaneveryt
hingandletmein.Isi
t
outsidehisoffi
ceforabout10mi nutesbef
orehi
s
secretaryl
etsmei n,“
takeaseat.”

Me:
Howar
eyou?

Hi
m:Nev
erbet
ter
.

Me:Andhowdoyoufeel
aboutt
her
ecentact
ivi
ti
es
t
hathavet
akenpl
ace?

Hi
m:It
houghty
ouwer
eher
etodi
scussf
uner
al.
Me: Wel
ldi
scussi
ngther
easonwhythereisa
funer
ali
nthefi
rstpl
acei
spartofi
t.Wouldn’
tyou
say?

Hi
m:Ar
eyout
ryi
ngt
osayt
hisi
smyf
aul
t?

Il
ookedathi
m shocked,
“Isai
dnosucht
hing.
”

Spha:
Whatdoy
ouwant
?

Me:
Why
?

Spha:
What
?
Me:Iwarnedyouthi
swouldhappen;
ever
ybody
knowsthatmanisnotst
able.

Spha:
Iwasn’
tawar
e,hewasagoodmar
ine.

Me:AndRanger
,especi
all
ywhenhewasn’
tonhi
s
medsri
ght
?

Hedi dn’
tsayany t
hing,“
wellhowdoesev ery
thing
wor k,t
hestatecontri
buteri
ght?”Helookedf uri
ous
andt hatisexact
lywhatIwant ed,“
Iwantt odiscuss
thiswithhisfamil
y.”Ist
oodup; wellt
ellmewhen
youdon’ tfi
ndthem becausetheirdaughteri
s
stayingwithme.”

Hi
m:We’
l
lcont
actt
hef
ami
l
ynumber
swehav
eon
f
il
e.
Me:
Shoul
dIgi
vey
ouI
ce’
snumber
?

Hi
m:I
fhei
sli
stedt
henIwi
l
lbesur
etocal
lhi
m.

Me: What’
sthepoint;you’
rehavinghimf ol
lowedand
thenwhat?Ki l
lhi
mt oo?We’rerunningaroundin
cir
cleshere;
justgiv
emeacal l
wi t
ht he
arrangements…twoday s.

Itur
nedar oundtowal kawaybutIdidn’
tmakeitto
thedoorwhenher oughlygr
abbedmeandpi nned
meont hewal k.“Thandoyoudon’tgett
otal
kt ome
l
ikethat.
”hisgripwast i
ghtaroundmyneck,“you
bett
erletgoofme. ”

Hi
m:Orwhat
?
Me:Ireal
lywasi nlovewithamonsteratsomepoint
i
ntime,andher eyouwer eaccusi
ngKhenanofbeing
abadguy.I’
m gl adyoufuckedthatwhor
e,I’
m gl
adI
l
ostyourbaby!!YoudisgustmeandIcan’tstandthe
si
ghtofyourface.

Ispatinhisfaceandhegotangr y
,I’m onl
ydoi ng
thi
sbecauseIknowSphawoul dnev erhurtme.Li t
tl
e
didIknow, heslappedmewi t
ht hebackofhi shand
andIfell
tot heflooronmybut t
.Iwant edt oshow
histr
uecolour sandf eelbadf ortheshi tt
hatchi l
d
wenttoandf orhimtost opplay i
ngGod.Hewas
fumingwhichonl yprov edhisgui l
tandhewasgoi ng
topayforit.Igotupl aughingathi m, “
IfIlosethis
babybecauseofy ou…sohel pyouGod. ”Hisey es
poppedopen, “
ThandoI …”Iputmyhandupst opping
him midsentence, “
don’ t
…y oukill
edt hatfamilyand
you’
regoingt ogetwhat ’
scomi ngf oryou.”
Spha:
Thandowhatdowant
?

Me:
Just
ice.

Spha:
Whatdoy
oucar
e?

Me:
Shecamet ome;shebl
amedmeforher
mot
her
’sdeat
h.Andnowsheisl
iv
ingwi
thme,and

Spha:Youdon’
tknowwhaty
ou’
reget
ti
ngy
our
sel
f
i
nto.

Me:
Haha,
soy
ouar
enotdeny
ingi
t?

Spha:
Hehadt
odi
e.
Me:
AndIhav
etol
eav
e.

Iwasshaki ngwhenIlefthi
soffi
ceandIwasshi t
scaredofhi m.Butatt
hesamet imeIcouldn’
tshow
himt hat.Igott
omycarandt ookabreatherand
thendr ovehome.Myphoner ang,“
heydad…”

Zee:
Wher
ear
eyoumybaby
?

Me:I
’
m onmywayhomef
rom Spha,
somet
hing
wr
ong?

Zee:
Comepi
ckmeup.

Me:
Dad,
you’
reont
heot
hersi
deoft
own.
Zee:Youknowmykneesar
ebadanddr
ivi
ngf
ucks
them up.

Iletoutasigh,“youbett
ernotbeupt oyourtr
icks.”
Hel aughed,“
I’
llseeyouinabit.
”IhungupasIdr ove
tohishouse.Ijustwantedtogethomeact ual
ly,I
hoot ed3ti
mesathi sgateandhecameoutcar ry
ing
aduf fel
bag.Iroll
edmyey es,“
spendingtheni
ght ?
”
Hel aughedgetti
ngintotheback,“
don’tgett
oo
excited.
”

Me:
Arey
ougoi
ngt
omakemey
ourchauf
fer
?

Hi
m:Ohstopwhi
ninganddr
ive;
taket
heM6ont
o
t
heM62.

Me:
What
?Itwi
l
ltakemeov
eranhourt
ogethome.
Hi
m: Ineedt
opassbyaf
ri
end’
sanddr
opsomet
hing
of
f.

Iwasangr y,
“Zenon, Idon’thavet imefory our
games. ”Hel aughed, “
Justdr i
ve.”Istart
edt hecar
andspedi nthedirecti
onhewant edmet ogo, “
Ilove
thissong…pl easet urnitup!”Ilookedathi mi nthe
mi rr
orandhewasl ookingdown, concentrati
ngon
somet hingonhi slap.Iturnedt hev ol
umeupona
gqom’ songt hatwaspl ayi
ngont heradioanddr ove
on.“ M6…y ou?Good…”hewasont hephone; he
l
eanedandki ssedmycheek, “M6t henM62andt hen
straighthome.What everyoudodon’ tstop.”BeforeI
couldsayany t
hingt ohim hekickedoutt herear
windowandposi t
ionsanaut omat i
csniperinplace.
Hest art
edacountdown, “
three…t woand…”he
startedf ir
ingataf ewcar sthatcameupf rom behind
us.Shot swer ebeingf i
redbackandIal most
screamed, whatt hehel lwast his?Idr ovewi thout
evenl ookingatt her ear-viewt oseewhowas
shootingatus, “
bul l’sey e!!”heshout edbef oregoi ng
downandget t
inganot hergunt henbackt oshoot ing.
I’
m driv i
ngdownt her oadl i
keamani ac; itisquiet
goingar oundt her eser veandIi mmedi ately
underst andwhywe’ ret akingt hisr out e.Thel oud
bangbr i
ngsmebackt or eal i
ty;Zenoni sundoi nghi s
weaponsandpl aci ngt hem i ntheduf felbag.Ther e
i
sonl yonecarf ollowi ngusandZenonj umpst ot he
passengerseat ,“takey ournextl eft.Idon’ taskbut
doasi nstructed, wedr iveabi tandt henhet ell
sme
tostop; whi chIdowi t
houthesi t
at i
ng.Thecart hatis
foll
owi ngusst opst oo, “l
et ’sgo. ”Itakeadeep
breathe, I
’m shaki ngbutIt rytocomposemy selfand
stepoutoft hecar .Dumi st epsoutoft hecarbehi nd
usandwal kst owar dsanot hercar ,“
issheal ri
ght?”
heasksZeeanddoesn’ tev enlookatme, Zeenods
i
nagr eementbef or eopeni ngt hebackseatoft he
car.Theyst artthecaranddr iveof f,“gett hefli
ght
ready…ar ey ouaf ucki ngi diot?Idon’ twantabi gzed
i
nt heai r…good. ”Hecutt hecal l andt henl ookedat
Dumi andnodded.Wewer eal l i
nsi l
entunt i
lwegot
home, wewalkedinandtheki
dswereal
lther
e.“You
ready?
”Dumi askedKhenanwhonodded.Iwasjust
standi
ngthereti
ll
Khenanwalkedt
ome, “
heyareyou
ok?”Inodded,“
areyousure?
”

Me:
Whathappened?

Hi
m:I
’
llexpl
ainont
heway
.

Hewal kedoutandl eftmeinthekit

chen; Iopened
thefr
idgeandt ookoutabot t
leofwater.Ifeltapai
n
i
nmyabdomen, not hi
sisnothappening.Iwas
holdi
ngont omyst omachwhenKhenanwal kedin,
“baby,areyouok?”Inodded,“youdon’tlookit.
”I
breat
hei n,“
thi
sisjustallt
oomuch, andIal most
died,
butI ’
m good.
”
Hi
m:Ar
eyousur
e?

Me:
Yeah,
wher
ear
ewegoi
ng?

Hi
m:I
’
m get
ti
ngy
out
othedoct
or.

Dumi wal kedin,“

doct or ?”IgaveKhenant helook,we
hadn’ttoldourfami l
yaboutt hepr egnancy ,
“sheisn’t
feeli
ngwel l.
”Dumi l
ookedatmewor ried,“yout hi
nk
youcanhol donf oraboutanhour ?We’ l
l organisea
doctorwheny ougett oLesot ho?”Inodded, “j
ust
hangi nthereangel .
”Hehel pedmei ntothecar ,
actuall
ywasamov i
ngv an.Dumi closedt hedoor
andwest artedmov ing.Khenanexpl ainedt ome
whathappenedaf t
erIl eftSpha’soffice,hesenthi s
guysaf termel i
kehedi dwi thIce.LuckilyDumi was
goingt oseehi m andt hatwaswhenhespot tedthe
guysf oll
owingme.Theyar emov ingusandwi l
l t
ake
downt hi
sshadyoperat
ion.Honest
lyIwasrel
i
eved
becauseIwaspregnantandIdidn’
twanttobeint
he
middleofit
.

Ilookedar oundt hev an, thet wi nswer eintheir

carryingcarseat ssleepi ng, andLakhi wewasonhi s
i
Padwhi l
eKhany iandTammi wer ejusttalking
quietlyinonecor ner.Khenanl etmer estonhi s
chestwhi leher ubbedmyt ummy ,“t
hedoct orwi l
l be
waitingf ory ouguy satt hehouse.Wedr ovef or
aboutanhourand30mi nut est owhatl ookedl ikea
deser tedmi l
it
arybase.Weal lgotoutandKhenan
helpedwi ththeki ds,wemetAbebi thereandher
tri
pletsal ongwi ththei rnanny .Mom hadbeenoutof
town, andDumi guar anteedshewassaf e.The
chil
dr enwer eallseat edandIwassay i
ngby et ot he
guyswhenKhenanwal kedoutwi thTee, “shei s
cryi
ngf ory ou.”Khenanl ookedwor r
iedaboutme
andki ssedmyf orehead.It ookTeef rom him, “
I’l
lbe
fi
ne, notlikewehav eachoi cer i
ghtnow. ”Ilookedup
athim andheki ssedmyl ips,“ we’r
enotl osingt his
baby ,thedoct orwi llexami ney ouwheny ougett here.
Pleaset
ryget
ti
ngsomet
hingt
oeatont
heway
,Il
ove
you.”

Icoul
dn’tbarethethoughtofmel osi
nganother
babyandt hetearsst
artedrol
li
ngdownmyey es.
“Hey,don’tdothat…wewi l
lgetthr
oughthi
s.”I
nodded,“Iloveyouok?”

Me:
I’
m scar
ed.

Hi
m:Hav
eIev
erl
ety
oudown?

Helookedatme,“
trustme,nowgetgoingandmake
sur
ey oukeepmyprincesssaf
e.”Ipout
ed,
andhe
ki
ssedmeagai
n,“
I’
ll
seey
ouwhenwe’
redone.
”

Me:
Pleasedon’
tdi
e.

Hi
m:Theydon’
tcal
lmedi
ehar
dfornot
hing.

I
ce:Nobodycal
l
syouthat
;sor
ryt
obr
eakupt
he
par
tybutwehavesomecl
eani
ngupt
odo!

Khenanki ssedmeonel asttimeandwat chedme

walkintothejet.Teewaspl ayi
ngwi t
hmyhai rand
hereyeswer estil
ltear
y,“andwhywer ey oucrying?”
Shedidn’tsayany t
hingbutputherheadonmychest
andputhert humbi nherlit
tl
emout h.10mi nutes
l
aterwewer eintheair
,Abebi wasfeedingher
babieswhi l
eeveryoneelsesatquietl
y.Iwasl ostin
thoughtandt r
yingtoignoremydi scomfortwhen
Nadiasatnextt ome, “y
ourhusbandaskedust o
packyousomet hing.”Shet ookoutachi ckenmay o
sandwich,“Ihopet hiswi l
lbeenough? ”Ismiledat
herasshepl acedi tont hetablewit
habot t
leof
homemadej uice.Shet r
iedt otakeTeewhowoul dn’
t
budge;Iatewi thheronmyl apandshewasdr inking
myjuice.Ifeltbetterimmedi atel
yaft
ereat i
ng.The
tr
ipwasqui teandwel andedi nLesothof i
ndingcar s
wait
ingforusandwedr oveaway .

Thedr ivewasl ongbutbeaut i

ful;thescenerywas
magni fi
centandbr eatht
aking.Ev eryt
hingwasgr een,
roll
inghill
sandsomehut s;includingmoder nday
huts.Wegott oal argeestateandi tl
ookedso
tradit
ional,al
mostl ikeakingdom.Apl acef i
tfora
kingtruly.Everyonewast akenbywhatt heysawand
couldn’tkeept heirmouthscl osed.Wewer egreeted
byal ady, maybeasol dasmymom; shehad
tradit
ionalatti
rewi thadoekonherhead.She
greetedusandl edusi ntot hehousel eadi ngust o
thelounge, “
Mr sDeCost a?”sheaskedl ooki ngatme
andInodded, “thedoctori swai ti
ngf ory ou…t his
way .
”Ipl acedTeedownnextt ohersi st erand
foll
owedt heladyi ntooneoft hebedr ooms.The
doctordi dn’tl
ookl i
keone, hewaswear ingbl ue
ri
ppedj eansandakni ttedpul loverwi thhi ssl eeves
roll
edup.Thel adyleftus,“Thando, I’
m Lebogang
andI ’
llbey ourdoct orfory ourst ayher e.”Il ookedat
him, “
arey ousur eaboutt hat?”hej ustl aughedand
walkedov ertohi sbagandgotouthi sst ethoscope,
“Happy ?”hechuckl edandsi gnalledformet otakea
seatandIdi d.Heaskedwhatwaswr ongandI
explained, hedi dhisexam onmeandt henl ooked
wor r
ied.“Whati sit?”Il
ookedathi m wor ri
ed, “
your
bloodpr essur e…i ti
swayt oohi ghf ormyl iking.”

Me:
Andmybaby
?Howi
she?

Hi
m:Ican’
ttellr
ightnow,butmyguessishe’
sgood.
Hi
ghbloodpressuredoesn’
tusual
l
yleadtoseri
ous
pr
obl
ems;weshoul
dgetworri
edifit
’suntr
eat
ed.
Andt
hisi
sthef
ir
stdayyou’
refeel
ingthi
swayright
?

Me:
Yeah…an-

Hi
m:And,
thechasewaswhatt
ri
gger
edi
t?

Howdi dheknow?Butatt hisstageIwasn’ tso

worri
edandInodded.“ Stepont hescal eforme, ”I
didastold,“
okandweneedt ogety oufedandt hen
I’
l
lgiveyousomet hingt ohelpy our estandt henI ’
l
l
checkagainabi tl
ater.”Hepoi ntedi nthecl oset,
“t
hereisapai rofpyjamasi nther e,andt hey’l
lfi
t.Get
i
ntobedandy ourfoodwi llcomej ustnow. ”The
wholeti
meIwasqui etandt henhel ef
t.Ididn’teven
botherwithshoweringIchangedandt hengoti nto
bedashisor der.Awhi lel
aterther ewasaknockon
mydoorandt henitopened, Lebogangwal kedin
wi t
hat r
ayoff ood.Hehadhi sstethoscopear ound
hisneck,“ar
ey oual ri
ght?”Inodded; hepl acedt he
trayonmyl ap.Itsmel l
eddi vi
neandmymout h
wat er
edinstantly,i
twaspumpki npap, i
sij
ingiaswe
woul dcal
lit
.Cr eamedspi nachwi thpul ledporki na
sauceandasal sa;hesatt herewat chingmeeat .I
thinkhewant edt omakesur ethatIfinishedit,Idon’t
knowwhybecauset hisfoodwasj ustdi vi
neand
therewasnowayIwasn’ tgoi ngtof i
nish.Af t
erthat
hegav emeapi llwhichItookwi thteaandt hensl ept
.
[
11/
23,
18:
14]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode130

Thefoll
owingweekIreceivedanemail
from
Daluxol
othatIwil
lbestart
ingin4monthstime,
whichwasperfectbecausethebabi
eswill
beold
enough.
IwasinmygownontheporchwhenStorm walked
i
n,“y
ou’r
einy
ourgownatmidday?Realhousewife!
”
Wehuggedandshesatdown.

Me:
Whatbr
ingsy
ouher
e?
Her
:Wel
lsi
ncetheguy
saregoingoutoftownfor2
day
swewerethi
nki
ngabouthavi
ngalit
tl
esoir
ée.
Me:
When?
Her
:That
’st
hespi
ri
t…t
oni
ghtmyhouse
Keenan;
Toni
ghtwhat
?
Her
:Whydoy
oual
way
shav
etocr
eepuponus?
Keenan:
It’
snotcr
eepi
ngupi
fit
’si
nmyhouse.
Her
:Hav
eyoupacked?
Keenan:
Ihav
eanorgani
zedwi
fe,
somyt
hingswer
e
packedt
wodaysago.
St
orm:
Orshej
ustwant
syououtoft
hehouse.

Sheroll
edherey esandpouted,“Wipethatsmi r
koff
yourfaceorelseI’
llcal
lofft
his‘
soirée’
rubbish.
”She
j
umpedoutofherseatandhuggedhi m,“youguy s
bett
erbehave…nowgetoutofmyhouse.Mywi f
e
needstopumpmi lkformybabies.Shespankedhi s
assbeforekissi
ngmycheek, “wil
lcally
oul at
er.
”And
shedisappearedintothehouse,Keenansatdown
nextt
ome,
“what
?”
Hi
m:Idi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ng.
Me:
I’
ll
behav
e.
Hi
m:Iknowy
ouwi
l
l.
Me:
Orel
se?
Hi
m:Youknowexact
lywhatwi
l
lhappeni
fyoudon’
t.

Ishruggedandt ookasi pofmyt ea,andplacedt he

cupdownpout ing,“We’ l
lsee.”Hegotupand
grabbedmeandputmeov erhisshoul derand
start
edwal ki
ngi ntothehouse, “KeenanI ’
m sor r
y .”
Hedi dn’tstop, Iwasgi ggli
ngandhewal kedupt he
stai
rs,“noy ou’ renot”andhet hrewmeont hebed
andst artedki ssingmei nahungr ymanner , Iwas
getti
ngexci tedandIki ssedhim athi space.He
ri
ppedmygownopenandj uststaredatmybar e
breast,“babyst op!”Iwasst i
lll
aughing, hepul l
ed
downmypant iesandr oughlysepar atedmyl egs,
andIsqui r
medwhenhi stonguet ouchedmycl i
t.He
didn’
tstar tslow; hejustlappedawayl ikeadog.
Woul dsuckandni bblemycl itev erynowandagai n.I
couldn’tcont ainitandmybodyshooki nanor gasm
andIl etoutal oudmoan.Hedi dn’ tstop, he
ti
ghtenedhi sgr i
paroundmyt highspul li
ngmyass
offthebedandheat emer ightt hr oughmysecond
orgasm.It ri
edt ogetawaybuthewoul dn’tloosen
hishold, her eachedf ormyv ibratorwi thonehand.
Knocki ngt hedr awert othef l
oori nthepr ocess, he
swi t
chedi ton, “Keenan, Iwasj ustpl aying.”It’sli
ke
hewasn’ thear i
ngmeandheputi tonmycl itandmy
bodywasv ibrati
nguncont rol l
abl yandIbur stagain,
thisti
meIsqui rt
edabi twhi chseemedt ogethi m
mor eexci ted.Heputt hev ibrat orbackonmycl itand
Icouldn’ tholdmy selfandt hist imeIl etital lout.He
wasr ubbi ngmypeachmaki ngamessev erywher e,
“FUCK! !”Iscreamedoutl oud, Iwasf eelingt oo
sensitiveandhei nsertedhi sshaf tfullyinme
withoutawar ni
ng, “
Kee…oh. ..Ohmyf uckKeenan. ”I
cameagai nandhesl ammedhar deri ntomer i
ght
throughmyor gasm.Hepi ckedmeupof fthebed
andwal kedt othedr essingt ablewhi lemov inginand
outandheputmedownandt urnedmear ound, and
slammedbacki ntomehar dl i
ftingmyl eftlegand
holdingont omywai stt i
ghtwi thhisotherhand.He
startedmov i
ngf asterandf asterpinchingmyt high
andwai statthesamet i
meandhel etoutagr owl,
“aaaaaaaaaaahh! ”Ifelthisbodyst if
fen, hewas
breathingheav yandIt ri
ckl eofhi ssweatdr opped
ontomyl owerback, hest ay edl i
kethatf orawhi l
e.
Aftersomet imehepul ledoutandhi sjuicesdr i
pped
downmyr ightleg.Hest eppedawayandIputmyl eg
downandt ri
edt oturnar ound, butIcouldn’ tfeelmy
l
egsandIal mostf ellbuthecaughtme.Hepi cked
meupandpl acedmeont hebedanddi sappear ed
i
nt othebat hroom andIhear dt hewat err unning.He
camebackandt ri
edt oki ssmeandImov edmyf ace
away ,“babyandt hen? ”Ilookedaway ,
“Beb, come
on? ”Igav ehimt helook, “
real l
y?Youhur tme! ”He
kneltinf r
ontofme, “I’
m sor r ybaby.”
Me:
Youdi
ditonpur
pose!
Hi
m:But
Me:
No,
takemet
othebat
hroom.

Hel
etoutasi
ghandpi
ckedmeupandl
edmet
othe
bathroom andputmei ntothebat h.If l
inchedabi t
whenmypeacht ouchedt hewat er ,“t
oohot ?”I
total
lyignoredhim.Hel ef
tmei nt hebat hroom andI
sli
ddowni nthewat erandnur sedmysor ev agina.
AfteranhourIgotout ,Iwasst i
llinpai nbuti twas
better.Idri
edupandputonar obebef or egoingi nto
thebedr oom, hehadchangedt hebeddi ng,Iputon
myl otionandwor emypaj amasandsl eptont opof
thecov erswithat hrow.Af ewmi nut esl aterthedoor
openedandIpr etendedt obeasl eep, “babyIbr ought
youf ood.”Itsmelledlov ely;hepl acedt het r
ayont he
sidetableandshookmegent l
y.Ipr etendedt oy awn,
“Pleaseeat .
”Isatupandhepl acedabowl of
seafoodpast ainf rontofmeandIst artedeat ing.He
satandwat chedme, “uhm, Iwast hinki ngmay be
aftereatingyoucanpump.Ther e’sonl y3bot tl
esi n
thefridgeandI ’
m sur ey ou’l
l bedr inkingt onight.”I
shookmyhead, “
I’m notgoi ngany mor e.”
Hi
m:Abebi
pleasedon’
tbel
i
ket
hat
.
Me:
Like?
Hi
m:Idi
dn’
tmeant
ohur
tyou.
Me:
Ok.
Hi
m:I
’
m sor
ry.
Me:
Okay
.

Hest oodupdefeat
ed, “
Ineedtomakeacal l.
”Heleft
mei ntheroom.Ifi
nishedmymeal andIslept.I
twas
around5pm whenIwokeupandhewasn’ tthere,my
cl
otheswer el
ainoutont heendofbedt ablewitha
note:incaseyouchangey oumind.Ilov
ey ou.

Ismiledtomy sel
f,t
hissucker!Iwalkedtot he
nurseryandallmyangelswer eintheircots.Isatin
thechairandstart
edpumpi ng,30mi nuteslaterIput
themi l
kinthefri
dgeandwentt ogetr eady .
.
.
.
.
.
.
Irangt hedoor bellatStorm’shouse, “ Comi ng!!”I
hear dshout i
ngf rom i
nside.Sheopenedt hedoor
andgav emeahug, “youmadei t!!”Inodded, “come
thegi r
lsarei nthelounge.”Shepul l
edmei ntot he
mostgor geousspace.Thesi tti
ngar eawasi nt he
mi ddleofther oom, roundlikeand3st epsleadi ng
down.Thegi rlswer esoloud, wewal keddownt he
stairsandt heyst ar
tedscreami ng.St ormi ntroduced
us, “Soyou’reMr s.Keenan.”Boi t
yaskedwi tha
naught ysmi l
e.Inodded, “ohgi r
l,nopenoshy ness
her eplease.”Krishnasaidhandi ngmeagl assof
wine.
St
orm:
Youpumpedr
ight
?
Me:
Yeah.
Tumi:Don’
tmindthesedr
unkar
ds,
theyst
art
ed
dri
nki
nghoursago!

Storm hadabutl
erwhowaswal ki
ngaroundtopl
ess,
“Mikeiscool
withthi
s?”ever
yonelookedatme,
“MIKEWHO? ”theyal
laskedatthesametime…
Boi
ty:Gi
rlyourmani
soutofthecount
ryLordknows
doi
ngwhat ,andy
ou’
reworr
iedaboutatopl
essman
ser
vingchampagneandcanapés?
TK:
Truet
hat
.(Andt
heycl
i
nkedt
hei
rgl
asses.
)
Tumi
:Sohowar
ethebabi
es?
Me:
Theyar
egood,
growi
ng.
Tumi
:Sowhyhav
en’
tyouhungoutwi
thus?
St
orm:
BecauseKeenant
hinkswe’
rebadf
orher
.
Debbie:
Liket
heyar
eanygoodwhent
heyar
e
toget
her.
Boi
ty:
Remembert
het
imewhenLebowoul
dn’
tst
op
cal
l
ingTK.
Al
l
:Oooohhhhhh
Me:
Whathappened?
Boi
ty:
Sacul
’amaguguv
erysameweekend.

Il
ookedatherbl
ankl
y,“ohcomeon,
Stor
m and
Kr
ishnaknowwhatthatmeansandt
heyaren’
tev
en
SouthAfri
can.
”Theyal
ll
aughed,
“Hewasbur
ied,
6
feetunder
.”
Kr
ishna:
andt
heyf
uckedhi
m upgood.
Me:
AndKeenanwast
her
etoo?
Boi
ty:
Yip.
Me:
Keenandoesn’
tfi
ght
.
TK:Gi
rlobv
iousl
y,whenar
eyougoi
ngt
oseehi
m
fi
ght
?

Shehadapoi nt
; Iwasneverinasituati
onofseeing
himfight
.Theonl yti
mehedi di
twaswi thKhenan.
“Theythi
nktheycandoi tbutwecan’ t
,“Boity
i
nterr
uptedmyt houghts,“
masifeisif
ebe!!”OkIknew
whatthatmeant.Ilaughedabittomy self.
Storm:Soli
keIwassayi
ngthatot
herti
me,theywant
torunarounddoi
ngthei
rshi
tandexpectustosi
tat
home.
Boi
ty:
Itdoesn’
twor
kthatwayboo.
Me:
whatel
sedoy
oudobesi
dest
hev
iol
ence?
Tk:Wedr
ink,
andspendt
hei
rmoney
.Andsweept
he
st
reet
.
Me:
Sweept
hest
reet
?
Tk:Wel
lonl
yIandKr
ishdot
hat
.You’
l
llear
nast
ime
goesby
.
Kr
ish:
Nah,
shei
stoosweetf
ort
hat
.

Ij
ustsmil
edawkwar dl
y,“
andshe’
sadoctor
,li
ket
hey
swearnott
oharm otherpeopl
eri
ght
?”Debbi
easked
l
ookingatme.Inodded.
Boi
ty:
soi fy
ougotachancet
ohur
t.Orki
l
lyou
woul
dn’tdoit?
Me:
Onl
yoneper
son.
Tk:
Yousee…nowwe’
reget
ti
ngsomewher
e.Who?
Me:
Myst
epmot
her
.
Boi
ty:
Ohdamngi
rly
ou’
rehear
tl
ess.Whatdi
dshedo?
Me:
Sheki
l
ledmypar
ent
s.
Debbi
e:asi
nherhusband,
yourf
ather
,par
ent
?
Me:
Yeah…
Tumi:Thatmakessense,
bot
hpar
ent
s…j
ustI
’
d
shootheri
nthehead.
Me:
Thatwoul
dbet
ooeasy
.
Boi
ty:
Howwoul
dyoudoi
t?

Itookasi pofmywi ne,“

well
,j
usthowsheki l
ledmy
dad.I ’
dgiveheraninj
ecti
onandletherhaveaheart
attacktothepointofal
mostdying…andt hengiv
e
hert heanti
dote.
”
St
orm:
Sav
eher
?
Me:No,repeatt
hepr
ocessf
orasl
ongasherhear
t
canhandle.

Ther oom wassilent

,Itookanothersip.Ihadbeen
picturingthatsceneforsolong,shewoul dbe
screami ngoutmynamet ostopjusthowshesai d
myf athercri
edoutmyname.
Boi
ty:
Fuckgi
rly
ou’
rer
uthl
ess.
Me:
youasked.

Ev eryonel aughed.Wewer ehav ingagoodt i

meand
thenmyphoner angandKeenanwasf aceti
mi ngme.
Ilookedati tforal ongt i
me, “tr
oublei nparadise? ”
Stor m askedwhi l
eshegr abbedmyphoneand
answer edi t
, “
Wher e’smyhubby ?Imi sshi m.”He
rolledhi seyes, “Ihav eyourcontact s,putmywi feon
thephone! ”St orml aughed, “
Shesai dshedon’ twant
tot alktoy ou!”Ihear dachangei nKeenan’ sv oice,
“Stor mI ’
m notpl ayi
ngwi thyou.”shef rowned, “you
don’ tplayni ce,”shesaidhandi ngt hephonebackt o
me, “Hi
”het il
tedhishead, ar
ey ouf eeli
ngityet ?”I
wasconf used, “f
eeling?”
Hi
m:Theal
cohol
.
Me:
Haha,
justabi
t.I
t’
snotbad.
Hi
m:Andshel
aughs.
Me:
Ist
il
lhav
en’
tfor
giv
eny
ou…wher
ear
eyou?
Hi
m:Wej
ustl
andedi
nBot
s.Mi
ssmeal
ready
?
Ishookmyhead,“
thegi
rl
sar ef
un!
!”Helookedatme
withast
rai
ghtf
ace,“
Iwon’tcomment.
”

Ther estoft
heni ghtwasfun;wet al
kedmor eabout
theirescapadesandshenani gans.Butthemor ni
ng
afterwasani ghtmare,myheadwaspoundi ng,and
Keenan’ scallcouldn’
thavecomeatawor seti
me.
Het easedmef orabout30mi nutesunti
lIheardone
oft heguy scallhi
m.

ThenextdayIsati nt
hekitchen,“FUCK!!”Thando
walkedi n,“
whyar ewecussingsoear l
yinthe
mor ning?”Ishookmyheadandshesqui nthereyes,
andl ookedatthebottl
eofmi lksitt
inginfrontofme
andshegav emeaconf usedl ook.Ishowedhert he
boxandshel aughed,
“mommyhadonet oomany ?”
Shel aughedhardergett
ingabeerf rom thefri
dge.
Me:
I’
m gl
adoneofusf
indst
hisf
unny
.
Her:Chil
l
,thealcoholshouldbeouty
oursy
stem i
na
coupleofhourssoy oujustneedt
opumpanddump.
Me:
Andmybabi
esst
arv
eint
hemeant
ime?
Her
:For
mul
awon’
thur
tjustoneday
.
Me:
Keenani
sgoi
ngt
oki
l
lme.
Her:I
t’snotli
keyoudoitallt
het i
me,sohe’
ll
understand.Pl
ushecan’texpectyoutosi
ther
coopedupal lday
.

Wespokesomemor e,
“anyways,
ther
ewasa
packageforyoudr oppedatthehouse.
”Il
ookedati
t
str
ange,“sender?”sheshrugged,
andIputtheboxi
n
thedrawer,“l
et’
sgo.”
Her
:Wher
e?
Me:
Ineedf
ormul
a.
Her
:Youdi
dn’
tbuyt
heset
hingsbef
oregi
vi
ngbi
rt
h?
Me:
No,
Iwantt
obr
eastf
eedt
il
l6mont
hs.
Her
:Andaf
tert
hat
?
Me:
Wemov
etot
hemashes.
Her
:Ok,
let
s.
.
.
.
.
.
Eversincethei
rt ri
pKeenanhasbeenact ingstr
ange
andlookingstressed.It’
sbeenal mostt
woweeks
andhehasn’ tbeensl eepinginther
oom.He’s
alwaysinthest udyandgoi ngoutforl
atemeeti
ngs.I
focusedonmybabi esandt ur
ningt
hehouseintothe
homeI ’v
ealway simagi ned.

Iwasput t
ingt
hegirl
s’advi
cet ouseandIwas
spendingsomeofKeenan’ smoney ,
honest lyi
nthe
beginningIdiditt
ogethisattenti
on.Ithoughthe’d
compl ainandactual
l
yhav eaconv ersati
onwi t
hme,
buthel etmespendandcont i
nuedwi thhisbusiness.
NowI ’m spendi
ngbecauseit’sfun.I
’venev err
eally
beenmuchofashopper ,Ial
way sthinkaboutsav ing
money .SoIwashav ingfun,Ihadthescanneri nmy
handandt
hephoner
ang.“
Hi…”
Hi
m:Busy
?
Me:
Nope,
(beep)
Hi
m:Ar
eyoushoppi
ng?
Me:
Howcoul
dyout
ell
?
Hi
m:I
sev
ery
thi
ngokay
?

Heclear
edhi
sthr
oat
,“wher
ear
eyou?Wantt
ogr
ab
l
unch?”
Me:Oooh,
meetme@Homei nCav
endi
sh, andt
hen
wecandoHudson.Ihav
eaf
ewmor et
hingstobuy
.

Heletoutasi ghandagr eed,Iconti

nuedscanningall
thethingsIwant ed.Someonet appedmeonmy
shoulder,“
areyoudone? ”Iturnedaround,
“al
most ,
j
ust…”Het ookt hescannedoutofmyhand, “
reall
y
Abebi,thi
siscloset o100k.
”
Me:
What
’sy
ourpoi
nt?
Hi
m:Whatdoy
ouneedal
lthi
sst
ufff
orany
way
?
Me:
Thehouse.
Hi
m:Thehousei
sfi
ne,
let
’sgetoutofher
e.

Wemadeourwayt otheti
l
l,andIpaid.Wegotto
Hudsonandgotat abl
einacorner,“
soy oumissed
me, or?
”hetookasipofhi
sbeer,“nope,Ihav
ea
casethat’
sbuggi
ngmeandIneedhel p.
”Irai
sedmy
eyebrows,“
whatki
ndofhelp?”
Him:Youknow,
thenotsol
egal
hel
pfr
om acer
tai
n
hospi
tal
.
Me:
Ok,
onl
yify
ouhel
pmewi
thsomet
hing.
Hi
m:what
’st
hat
?
Me:
I’
ll
tel
lyoul
ater
.
Hi
m:andt
hef
air
nessi
swher
e?
Me:
Doy
ouwantmyhel
pornot
?
Hi
m:f
iney
ouwi
n.Buty
ou’
repay
ingt
hebi
l
l.
Aft
erl
unchIwentt
othehospi
tal
andmetupwi
th
Dal
uxol
o.
[
11/
23,
18:
14]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode131

Aft
erl
unchIwentt
othehospi
tal
andmetupwi
th
Dal
uxol
o.
Hi
m:TowhatdoIowet
hisv
isi
t?
Me:Real
l
ynow,Iwant
edt
oseehowy
ouguy
sar
e
usi
ngmydonat
ion.
Hi
m:Ifyouweren’
tthi
scut
eIwoul
dhav
etol
dyout
o
f
uckoffalongti
meago.
Me:Il
oveyouto.Aki
ntol
dmemydadspoket
oyou
bef
orehi
spassing.
Hi
m:I
sthatwhyy
ou’
reher
e?
Me:
NoIact
ual
l
yneedaf
avor
.
Hi
m:OhgoshAbebi
youwi
l
lbet
hedeat
hofme.
Me:
Wouldyourat
herIj
ustdomyownt
hingorcome
t
oyoudi
rect
ly?
Hi
m:Abebi
,whydoIhav
eaf
eel
i
ngIwi
l
lregr
ett
his?
?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Iwasi
nthekit
chencooki ngwithaglassofwine
whenCecewalkedin,“fi
nal
lytaki
ngmyadv i
ce?”She
wal
kedinwit
hat r
ayt hatIhadgivenKeenanat
l
unch,
“hesai
dhe’sr ushi
ngtoameet ing.
”
Me:
didhesaywi
thwhom?
Cece:
Nope,helookedli
kehewasi
nar
ush.I
act
ual
lywantedtotal
ktohim.
Me:
Wel
lyouandmebot
h.Any
thi
ngIcanhel
pwi
th?
Cece:
Ithi
nkIcangobackhomenow.
Me:
Whatdoy
oumean?
Her:Wel
lyouguy sdon’
tneedmeanymore,t
he
babi
esaregrowingandy ouguy
sareget
ti
ngthe
hangoft
hings.PlusImissmyhouse.
Me:Ok,butcanIasky
out
ost
ayf
orj
ustal
i
ttl
e
l
onger
.
Her
:Howmuchl
onger
?
Me:Wellaweek,
twoweeksmaxi
mum.Ineedt
ogo
homeforawhil
e.
Her
:That
’sunder
standabl
e,Icandot
hat
.

Ihuggedher,andshel eft.Iwentt ot
hestudyand
wroteanotetoKeenan: I’
llbeoutofthecountr
yf or
awhile.Goi
ngt oNigeria.Cecehasagr eedtostay
withthechi
l
dr en.SeeyouwhenIgetback.If i
nished
supper,f
edthebabi esandputt hem t
osleepand
thenwenttopack.Igotat ext:Takeoffi
sat15h00.
ThenextdayKeenanwasn’tbackandIneededto
gett
otheairpor
t,Idi
aledSt
orm,“Ineedafl
avor
.”
Her
:Any
thi
ng.
Me:
Ridet
otheai
rpor
t.
Her
:ooohhol
i
day
!!
Me:Nonot
hingli
kethat
,I’
m goi
ngtoNiger
ia.Tosor
t
outsomet
hingsaft
ermyfather
’spassi
ng.
Her
:Oh,
I’
ll
bet
her
ein20.

Igotont othej
etandsatdown, Il
ookedatmywat ch
14H50, Ipi
ckedupt hephone,
“you’r
elate.”Andthen
thedoorf r
om thecockpi
topened,“r
eall
y ?
”I
shrugged,“what,
lookattheti
meIdi dn’
tthinkyou
wereher e.
”
Hi
m:What
ever
,buckl
eup.We’
reaboutt
otakeof
f.
Me:
I’
m st
arv
ed.
Hi
m:We’
l
leatwhenwe’
rei
ntheai
r.

Af
tertaki
ngoffweev ent
ual
lygott
oeat,“
sodidyou
ev
entuall
ytel
lKeenanaboutyourt
ri
p?”Il
ookedat
hi
m,“when?Whi chti
me?”
Hi
m:Abebi
,you’
remaki
ngexcuses.
Me:Hedoesn’thav
eti
meforme;he’
sal
wayslocked
upi
nhisstudyoroutr
unni
ngof
ftomeeti
ngs.
Hedi dn’
tsayany t
hing,“
honestly
,I’m start
ingtothink
thathefinal
l
ysawt hatthismarr
iaget hingisn’
tfor
him,plusthr
eebabi es.Andhe’sfoundsomeone
youngandf resh.
”Her olledhi
sey es,
“ you’
vegott o
bekiddingme. ”
Me:Youknowhe’
syoungert
hanme,
sohef
ound
someonehi
sage.
Hi
m:That
’snotsomet
hingKeenanwoul
ddo.

Icrossedmyarms,“Iwi
llki
l
l t
hatbit
ch!
”Hechuckled.
“Thisist
hepartwherey
our eassur
emet hathei
sn’t
doinganythi
ng.
”
Hi
m:Hey
,howwoul
dIknow?
?Rel
axwi
l
lyou…

Wel andedatabout22H00andwecheckedint
oour
hotel,
“real
l
yoner oom?”wegotourkeyandwentup
totheroom, “
you’
v egott
obekiddi
ngme…a
honeymoonsui t
e?”heignor
edmeandwentinside
di
vi
ngont
othebed,
“shotgun!
”
Me:Shotgunmyass,y
ouor
der
edt
hisr
ubbi
shr
oom,
soy
out aket
hecouch.
Hi
m:I
t’
sact
ual
l
ybi
genought
ofi
tthebot
hofus.
Me:Whocar
es…?I
’
m goi
ngt
oshower
,pl
easeor
der
f
ood.

Il
efthi
m andwentintothebathr
oom;Ishowered
andcameoutinmypaj amasandar obe.Iwas
dry
ingmyhairwitht
het owelwhenIgotacall
,“we
haven’
tevenbeenhereforanhourandsomeone
al
readyknows.”Helookedatmeshocked,“whois
i
t?”
Me:
It’
sAki
n.
Hi
m:Wel
l
,that
’snotabi
ggy
.

“
Uncl
eP.
”Isai
dfor
cingexci
tement
,“Don’
tuncl
eP
me.
”
Me:
Iwasgoi
ngt
ocal
lyoui
nthemor
ning.
Hi
m:Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Me:
Busi
ness.
Hi
m:Whatki
ndofbusi
ness?
Me:Myf
atherdi
dleav
eme51%ofanoi
lcompany
r
ight
.
Hi
m:Andt
hatmant
haty
ou’
rewi
th?
Me:He’smybodyguar
d.Keenanwaswor
ri
edabout
mysafety
.
Hi
m: I
’
llseeyoutomorr
ow,Ihav
eameet i
ngi
nthe
morni
ngI’l
lonl
ybeavai
labl
eaft
er14H00.
Me:Worr
ynot
,I’
l
lseey
out
hen.Saygoodni
ghtt
o
Debsf
orme.
Hi
m:(
chuckl
e)we’
l
lseey
out
omor
row.

Icutthecal
landl
etoutasi
ghofr
eli
ef,
“di
dhebuy
i
t?”Inodded.
Him:Thefoodi
shere,
weneedtogetsomer
est
becausewehaveanearl
ymor
ning.
Me:
Rogert
hat
.

Il
ayont hebedlooki
ngattheti
me, 03H28.thenext
2minuteswerelong,assoonasitwas03h30Igot
outofbedandwentintotheshower .Ihadaquick
oneandcameoutdr essedinal
lblackwi t
hcombat
boots,
“aren’
tyouali
ttl
eoverdr
essed? ”Heasked
me,“ohshutup,goshower.”
Hi
m:Forwhat
?
Me:
Arey
our
eal
l
ynotgoi
ngt
oshower
?
Hi
m:Idon’
tseet
her
eason.
Me;
Whati
fthi
stakesday
s?
Hi
m:Ev
enbet
ter
.
Me:
Fucky
ou’
resi
ck.

Weputupadonotdi stur
baswel eftt
hehotelroom
anddownt othehotelparkingandgoti nt
oourhir
ed
care.Helookedatme,“arey ousureyouwanttodo
thi
s?”Igavehim adeadst are,
“you’
rejoki
ngri
ght?”
heputhi
shandsupasasi
gnt
osur
render
,“wher
eis
she?
”
Hi
m:I
nherbedr
oom.
Me:
Issheal
one?
Hi
m:Seemsl
i
kei
t.
Me:
I’
m goi
ngi
nthr
ought
heback.
Hi
m:Noshi
they
,cantexact
lygot
hrought
hef
ront
.

Igavehim apunchandputonmyear piece;Itooka

deepbreathandgotoutt hecar .Iwal kedt hrough
thebushed, t
het railwasnowcov eredupandI
coul
dn’tmakeouti fIwasgoi ngint her ightdirect
ion.
Iwalkedforawhi l
eunt i
lIgott othef ence, andj ust
l
ikewewer ekidst her ewasahol et hatdadst i
ll
hadn’tf
ixed.Ilaughedt omy self
;Idon’ tknowhow
manyt i
mesIusedt hi st
osneaki nandoutoft he
house.Iwasal otbi ggernowandf itt
ingi njust
wasn’taseasy .Iranacr osst helawnandopenedt he
secr
etpassagel eadi ngtot hemai nhouseandgot
i
ntothebasement .“I’
mi n.”Irepor t
edback, “Ican
see,andshe’ sstil
li
nbed.”Iwentupt hestai
rsand
i
nt othelaundryroom.Ev er
ythi
ngwasamess, what
wast hisladydoing?Iaskedmy self
,Imademyway
toherbedr oom andf oundhersoundasleep,wit
h
notev enacar e.Isetupeveryt
hingandthesunwas
start
ingtocomeup.

Isatonthebedwithmylegscrossedli
keapre
schoolchi
ld,
hol
dingheral
arm cl
ock.Isett
heti
me,
soitwouldgoof
fi nt
henextminute.
Theal armr angandshet ossedaroundandreached
forhersidet able.Shedi dn’tfeeli
tbutcoul
dhearit
.
Sher emov edhersl eepingey emaskandl ooked
wher etheal ar
m wascomi ngf r
om.Shegotsucha
fri
ghtwhenherey eslandedonmeandsheal most
fell
of ft
hebed.Shest oodupandgr abbedhergun
from thedrawerandpoi nteditatme, “
whatareyou
doingher e?”
Me:
Thi
sismyf
ather
’shouse,
youf
orgett
ooqui
ckl
y.
Her
:Getthefuckoutofmyhouseorel
seIwi
l
lpul
l
t
hetri
gger.
Me:
andwhatki
l
lme?
Her
:Abebi
IswearIwi
l
ldoi
t.
Me:Soy
ouwer
ebei
ngseri
ousaboutki
l
li
ngme
al
ongwi
thmymot
her?It
houghty
ouwerejoki
ng.

Ilaughedoutl oud,“
Wow, y
ourunbel i
evable!You
wouldt akeitthatf
ar?”shepul l
edthetrigger,not
hing.
Shekeptpul li
ngandpul l
ing…“ y
ouwer esupposedt o
runbuty outhoughtIwasbl uffi
ng.”Shedr oppedto
herknees, “
Abebi I
’m sor
ry.”Isatontheedgeofmy
chairwithmyl egsdangli
ngf acingthechairIhad
positi
onedf orher,
“getupy oulookpat heti
c,takea
seat.”
Shesatdownandwewer enowfacetoface,“
Iwont
evenaskwhy ,
you’r
eagr eedybi
tchthatIknow.Now,
youpoisonedmymot herandshef el
lsi
ck,andyou
execut
edmyf ather
…sowhatdoy ouchoose?”
Her
:What
?Abebi
wecant
alkaboutt
his.
Me:
didy
ouaskmymot
hert
hat
?
Her
:Abebi
,wecancomet
oanagr
eement
.
Me:
I’
mli
steni
ng.
Her
:Namey
ourpr
ice.
Me:
Money
?Ihav
epl
ent
yofi
t.
Her
:Any
thi
ngy
ouwant
.
Me:
Ali
fef
oral
i
fe.
Her
:Abebi
Ibegofy
ou.

Myphoner ang,“what?”Ishouted,“Youneedtoget
outofther
e, t
heyknowy ou’
reinthere.
”Hecutt he
call
,“f
uck,
y ou’
relucky
, Igottogo.”Sheclosedher
eyesandsighedofr el
i
ef ,“
byeAhunna.”Sheopened
hereyeimmedi atel
yasshef eltt
hecoldmet alonher
for
ehead.“hụgị nahel
.”
Ipull
edt hetri
ggerandgotmybagpackandr anto
thebasementf ormyescape.Iusedt hetrapdoor
andwentt owher ewewerepar ked;myadr enal
in
waspumpi ng,“FUCK!GO!”Hespedof fandI
dir
ectedhimt oAki n’
spanelshop.Wepar kedthecar
,
covereditandt hentookanotherone.“You’ r
ecutout
forthi
s.”Ilookedathim,“no,I
’mj ustsmar tand
angry.
”Hechuckl ed,“i
t’
sinyourblood.”Wegott o
thehotel;Ishoweredandgotdr essed…“Makei t
snappy,thejetisalmostready.
”Heshout edfrom
thelounge,Icameoutonapai rofjoggersanda
vestwithadidasslopsandwhi tesocks.Icarr
iedmy
bagpackwhi l
ehecar ri
edtheduffl
ebagand
wheeledt hesuitcase.Myphoner angjustaswegot
totheairport,
Isteppedoutofthecarandanswer ed
whilewalkingtothejet,“
UncleP.”
Hi
m:Wher
ear
eyou?
Me: Uhm,l
ist
en,changeofpl
ans.Il
eftsomet
hingi
n
yourshopIneedyout ot
akecareofi
t.
Hi
m:Babywher
ear
eyou.
Me:
Goi
ngbackt
oSA.
Hi
m:Don-
Me:
I’
ll
seey
ounextt
ime.
Hi
m:Abebi
,l
ist
entome.don’
tboar
dthatj
et.Gett
o
t
heai
rpor
tI’
l
lgetminer
eady.

Iwaswal
ki
ngupt
hest
air
s,“
don’
twor
ry,
I’
ll
tal
kto
youwhenIl and.
”Icutt
hecallashewastr
yingt
o
saysomething.Ist
eppedontothej
etandhad3
gunspoi
ntingatme, “
Mrs.Keenan!
.”

Fuck,“don’ tbescar ed,comeher e.”Idi

dn’tmov eand
thenonguyshov edmet owardsRamzi ,
“Gentle!
!”He
snapped.Hebr ushedmyf aceandbef orehecoul d
speak,“I’
m sohungr yIhope…”Hef r
oze,andhet ook
adeepbr eath.Bef orehecoulddr awhisweaponon
oftheguy sshothi mi nthechestandst omach.He
didn’
tmakeasoundbutbl edoutont hefloor.Il
et
outaloudscr eam, “
wellgethim outsowecango. ”
Ramz iinstructedoneofhi smen.Theguyj ustkicked
hisbodyoutt hej etandher ol
leddownt hest air
s
befor
et heycl osedandwet ookof f
.

Iwascry
inghyst
eri
cal
ly,andscreaming.Ramzikept
tel
l
ingmehewon’thurtme, andtry
ingtocalm me
downbutitdi
dn’
twork.ThenextthingIfel
taneedle
i
nmyar m andIwasout.
[
11/
23,
18:
14]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode132
Iwokeupi nar oom, onabedandIwasst i
lli
nmy
clothesbutmyshoeswer eoff.Itri
edt ostandbutI
feltdizzy,
andIsatbackdown.Myheadwas
poundi ngandIf el
textremelyhungr y.Ilooked
aroundt her oom;therewasgol dandwhi te
everywher e.Andthent hedooropenedandt wo
younggi rl
swal kedin,Iwasconf used, “
Wher eam I
?”
Iaskedt hem, “att
hepal ace,
”oneoft hem answer
ed.
Palacewhat?Ithoughttomy self
,oneoft hegir
ls
walkedint
oadoorandIhear dwat errunni
ng.The
gir
linther
oom introducedherself
,“I’
m Lil
ly,
and
that’
sCassia.We’r
eher et
ohel pyougetr eady.
”
Me:
Readyf
or?
Li
l
ly:
Forsupper
.
Me:
Wher
eam I
?
Li
l
y:Att
hepal
ace.
Me:
Count
ry?
Her
:Oh,
Egy
pt.
Me:
What
?
Shegi
ggl
edinacutewaythatmademesoangr
y,
“howl
onghaveIbeenher
e?”
Li
l
y:Justal
most2f
ull
day
s.
Me:
Whosepal
aceam Ii
n?
Li
l
y:Ki
ngAssam.
Me:
Ineedt
ogetoutofher
e,wher
eismyphone?
Li
ll
y:Youneedt
obat
handgetr
eadyf
orsupper
,you
can’
tleav
e.
Me:
Whynot
.
Cassi
a:Becausenobodyl
eav
es.
Me:
What
?
Cassi
a:Gi
vei
tti
mey
ouwi
l
lunder
stand.
Me:Idon’
twantt
ounder
stand,
Iwantt
ogohomet
o
mychil
dren!
!

Lil
ygotafri
ghtandshealmostj
umpedabit
,
“ssshh…keepi
tdown.”Cassi
awhisper
edwal
ki
ng
backi ntot her oom, “Theywi llheary ou. ”Ilookedat
herblankl y;shel i
ft
edhert opandt ur nedar ound.I
gotashock, whatt hef uck!!Shet urnedbackar ound,
“nowpl ease, youneedt obathandgetr eadyf or
supper .”Igotup, “Ineedwat er.”Theyl edmet ot he
bathroom andi tlookedl uxur i
ous, Itookmycl othes
ofandgoti ntot hebat h, l
il
ypour edmej uiceandshe
broughtsomef ruit
.It ookt heglassf rom herand
downedi tal latonceandt hensi gnal edf oranot her
one.Shewentt opourandIat et hegr apesand
cheeseandf r
uitthatwer eof f
eredt omewhi l
et he
gir
lscl eanedmeupandIwasst artingt ofeel alot
better.Af t
ert hebat htheyt ookmet ot her oom and
didmyhai rintoaGr eekgoddesshai rstyl
e.Ther e
wasadr essont hebed, alongwhi tef lowydr ess;
“under wear ?”lil
yshookherhead, “what ?Idon’ tgeta
panty? ”Sheshookherheadagai n, Isatont hebed
andf oldedmyar ms, thisissuchbul lshit.Iwasj ust
aboutt osaysomet hingandt herewasknocki ngat
thedoor ,Cassi awentt ocheck.Shespokewi th
someonef orawhi leandt hencameback, “t
heki ng
i
swai t
ingandr equest sy ouhur rybecausehe’ s
hungr y.”
Whatwasgoi ngon?If eltl
ikecrying.Iwor ethe
dress;i
thuggedmywai standbr east.Therewer e
twoslit
sonei thersideofthedr essandmyt hi
ngs
wererevealedeacht imeIt ookast ri
de.Lilyput
somef l
ower sinmyhai randal ittl
ebitofl i
psti
ck.
Cassiawalkedouti nfront,Ifol
l
owedherandl il
y
walkedbehindme.Wewal keddownt heancient
passagesandt owhatseemedl ikeanot herwingof
thi
spalaceandi twasmor emoder n.
Iwasl edi ntoadininghallandt herewer el
ongt ables,
seatedwi thgirl
sdr essedli
keme, theyweredr i
nking
wine.Ther ewer eov erahundredgi rl
s,Cassiadidn’t
stop,andshecont inuedtowal krighttothefrontof
thehal l
.Shewal kedupabout5st epsandIst ood
anddi dn’tmov e.Ther oom becamesi l
entand
everyonel ookedatme, Li
lypokedmyass.Iwas
angryandt henIwal kedupandwasl edtoaseatf or
aqueenandt heking’schairwasempt y.

Isatdownatt
het
abl
e,Li
l
yandCassi
ast
oodbehi
nd
myhi ghchai rwhil
eanot herladypour edmeagl ass
ofwi ne.Myhear twasbeat ingsof ast ,t
hedoort o
myl ef topenedandev eryonestoodupandt herehe
waswi t
ht hebiggestgrinonhi sface.Hewal kedup
thest airsandsatnextt omesi gnali
ngf orev eryone
tosi tdown.Hehel dmyhandandIf roze,Iwant edto
cryoutl oudbutIwasn’ tgoingtogi vehi mt he
satisfaction,“wemeetagai nMr s.Khwaza. ”Hesai d
befor ekissingmycheek.Iwassof urious,Itr i
edt o
mov emyhandf r
om hi sgri
pandhet i
ghtenedi t
,
“whatdoy ouwantf rom me? ”Hej ustlaughed, “Your
husbandhassomet hingthatIwant .”Ithought
quickly ,“
andhowwi llkeepingmeher ehel pgeti t
back? ”
Hi
m: I
tmightnot,buthavi
ngy ou…Icanmakedoubl
e
whathet
ook;ifnottrebl
e,quadrupl
e,qui
ntupl
e…
Me:
Hecanpayy
oubackt
hemoney
.
Hi
m:Andmyr
eput
ati
on?
Me:
Hewi
l
lcomef
ory
ou.
Hi
m:Fr
om behi
ndhi
slapt
op…haha.You’
ref
unny
.
Ifel
tli
kecrying,“Eatup,wehav eabigday
tomorrow.”Ididn’tf
eelhungry.Ipl
ayedaroundwi
th
myf ood,andhekeptl ookingatme, “
youneedtoeat.
Don’tbewor ri
edIwon’ thurty
ou, y
ou’r
esafeher
e.”

Itookagul pofmywi nelookingar oundt hinkingof

howt oescape, ifThandowasi nt hissituationshe
woul dknowwhatt odo.“ Don’tevent hi
nkabouti t
princess! ”Itur
nedt olookathi m, andt heni tcame
backt ome, thejet…ohmygoshI ce!!Myhear t
startedbeat ingfastandmyf acegothot ,hekill
ed
Ice!!Iswal l
owedmydr inkandsmi l
edathi mt ry
ing
sohar dnott ocry.Icutsomechi ckenand
veget ablesandIst artedeatingmyf ood.Honest lyit
tastedgr eatbutmymi ndwasn’ tthere.Thi swoul dn’t
hav ehappenedi fIdidn’taskIcetocomewi thmet o
Niger i
ahewasn’ tgoingt odie.“CanIbeexcused? ”
Ramz ilookedatme, “thepartyisjustaboutt obegi n”
Iletoutasi gh,“
fini
shup. ”

Iat
eal
lmyf
oodj
ustt
omakehi
m happyandIdr
ank
mywi ne.Aft
erthatwewenti
ntoanotherr
oom,
apparentl
ythi
siswheret
herealpar
tywas
happening.

*
***
***
***
***
***Keenan*
***
***
***
***
***
*

Abebi wasstill
notpicki
ngupherphone, andIwas
nowget ti
ngwor ri
ed.Ity
pedf ranti
callyatthe
comput erandherchiphasbeeni nactiveforov era
mont hnow.Shi t,
Ihadn’
treactivatedit.Therewer e
norecordsofherl eavi
ngSout hAf ri
ca,orev en
l
andingi nNigeri
a,Iwasinmyst udynowIwas
getti
ngf r
ustrat
ed.Igotupandpour edmy selfadr i
nk
andthedoorf l
ewopen.Shit,“wher ei
sshe? ”Itur ned
aroundandl ookedatAkin,“excuseme? ”hewas
angry.
Hi
m:Hav
eyout
rackedher
?
Me:
No.
Hi
m:Andwhenwer
eyougoi
ngt
otel
lme?
Me:
She’
smywi
feandI
’
m wor
kingoni
t.
Hi
m:Soy
oudon’
tknowwher
eshei
s?
Me:ThelastIcheckedshewasheadi
ngt
oNi
ger
ia,
butIhav
emyment her
e.
Hi
m:Wai
t,y
oudi
dn’
tspeakt
oherwhenshel
anded?

Iscr
atchedmyhead,Ihadbeennegl
ect
ingmywife
andIhonest
lydi
dn’
tknowwhatwashappening.
“no…butwhen….
”
Hi
m:andt
hemanshewaswi
th?
Me:
Whatman?
Him:Whatt
hefuckdoy
oumean?Thebody
guar
d
yougotf
orher
!
Me:
Idi
dn’
tgetherabodyguar
d.

Heletoutasigh,“
whatexactl
yareyousay i
ngto
me?”hesai dsocal
mlyandsatdowni noneofthe
chai
rs, “
youmeanMYBabywasi nNigeri
awitha
mant hatyoudon’
tknow?”hewashuf fi
ng,“
what
werey oubusydoi
ngthatyou?Youlethergoto
Nigeri
awi thamany oudon’ tknow?Doy ouknow
whatshewasdoi nginNiger i
a?”Itookagul pofmy
drinkandlookedupast earsf il
l
edmyey es,“no.”he
stoodupandbangedt hetable, “
NO? ”hewal kedov er
tomeandgr abbedmebyt hecol l
arandsl ammed
meagai nstt hewall,“
andthisi syourwi f
e?”Ididn’t
sayany t
hingt ohim; “
ifRamz ihurtsevenast randof
haironher ,Iwil
lcutyourbal l
sandf eedt hem to
you.”heletmegoandwal kedout ,Ithrewmygl ass
againstthewal landitshatteredintopieces.I
droppedt othegr oundandwai l
edtomy self
.

.
.
.
.
.
I
'
m sor
ryi
t'
sshor
twi
l
lpostagai
ntoni
ght
.
[
11/
23,
18:
15]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode133
I
thasbeenaweeknowandIwasabl etotrackAbebi
downinEgy pt,butIwasstil
lwatchi
ngfrom a
di
stance.Buttherewasst i
ll
nosignofLusanda; I
washitt
ingawal leveryti
meIhadal eadonher .My
phonerang,“Tellmey ouhavegoodnews.”Ipleaded,
“y
es,allt
hegirl
sar elegal
…”
Me:
But
?
Hi
m:Theyar
est
il
lchar
gingy
ou.
Me:
What
?Ihandedmy
sel
fov
er!
Hi
m:Someonewant
syout
osuf
fer
.
Me:
Isi
thi
m?
Him:Coul
dbe,
butIdon’
tseewhybecausehehas
Abebi
.
Me:
Whoel
seknowsaboutt
his?
Hi
m:(
sigh)Icantbet
oosur
e.
Me:
Coul
dIgetj
ail
time?
Hi
m:I
tispossi
ble…butwe’
rest
il
lwor
kingoni
t.
Me:Alr
ightkeepmepost
ed,
I’
mleav
ingf
orEgy
pti
n
acoupl
eofday s.
Hi
m:Idon’
tthi
nkt
rav
ell
i
ngwoul
dbesuchagr
eat
i
dea.
Me:
Hehasmywi f
e,andifhet
hinkshewil
lkeepme
i
nSAthenhehassomethi
ngel
secomi ngf
orhim.

Idi
dn’ twaitforhimt osayany t
hingIj ustcutthecal
l.
Imadeanewcal l,“
yeah,any t
hing?”Ilist
ened
i
ntensi v
ely
, “
Shei sthere,
Iknowshei s…Hewont
hurtAbebi…t elly
ourment olookhar der,i
fIdon’t
fi
ndhernowI ’
velostherforever.
”Af terendingthe
cal
l Isatbackdownandt ypedaway .

*
***
***
***
***
**Abebi
***
***
***
***
*

“We’r
eleav i
ngatmi dday.
”Ramzi saidtomeaswe
werehav i
ngbr eakfast.Iwasboredoft his;
Ijust
wantedhimt oendmeort otakemebackhome.I
star
edathi m blankly,“
didyouhearme? ”Irol
ledmy
eye,“
wher earewegoi ng?”hetookasi pofhi s
coff
ee,“Ithoughty ou’dneverask,I
taly
!We’ regoi
ng
t
oIt
aly
.”Il
ookedupathi
m,“
oh,
Igoty
ourat
tent
ion.
”
Me:
Whatar
ewegoi
ngt
odoi
nIt
aly
?
Him:Andshespeaks.We’regoi
ngt
ogetmymoney
backfr
om yourhusband.
Me:
I’
m goi
nghome?
Hi
m:Haha;
yes,
homewi
tht
hehi
ghestbi
dder
.
Me:
What
?

Hedi dn’
tanswerme; hejustatetherestofthe
breakfast
,“I
’
llsendt hegirl
stopackfory ou.”He
stoodupandwal kedoutoft hedini
nghal l
.Whatthe
fuckwashappeni ng, he’
stradingme.Istoodupand
mademywayt omybedr oom andclosedt hedoor
behindmeadIcr iedoutloud!!Whyisthishappening
tome?

Wewer ei
nacar;It
hinkwear egoi ngtotheair
port
.I
hadabadfeel
ingaboutthistri
p,Idon’tknowwhy
butsomet
hingwasn’
tright.Wepul ledupataharbor,
Il
ookedatRamziconfused,“don’tlooksoexci
ted,
”
hesaidsar
casti
call
yandlaughed,“
y ouwil
llov
eit
her
e,andhopeful
lybytheti
mewer eachIt
alywe
wouldhaveal
readyfoundabuy erf
ory ou.
”
Tearsthr
eatenedmyey esatt
hethoughtt
hatIwould
neverseemychi l
drenagai
n;f
uckKeenanforget
ti
ng
mei nt
othisfucki
ngmess!!
Thecarpar kedandoneoft heguar dsopenedt he
doorforme, Ist eppedoutandRamzi camet omy
sideandputhi sarm aroundme.Icoul dn’trun,the
guardswer eal larmedandIwoul dgetshotont he
spot.Wewal kedt owardsthegor geouscr uiseli
ner,I
l
ookedatRamzi ;“onlyt
hebestf ory ouMr s.K.”We
walkedtotheent rance,t
herewasal i
neandi twas
couplesmai nly.Ev er
yonewasl eavingt heirgadgets
andphoneswi tht heguards,“
yousee, theycomeas
theyare.Justi ncasesomeonet r
iest onot i
fythe
authori
ti
es.”
Me:
Howmanyguest
s?
Hi
m:ov
er5000.
Me:
andt
heyar
eal
lher
etobuy
?
Hi
m:no,
thi
spl
acehassomanyact
ivi
ti
es.Ther
e’s
ev
enacasi
noi
nsi
de.
Me:
Butwhati ft
heysneaki
nthei
rdev
icest
hrough
t
hei
rluggage?
Him:Thei
rluggagear
ri
vedaweekago,i
t’
sbeen
sear
chedandputinevery
one’
sroom.
Me:
Organi
zed.
Hi
m:Tot
het
ee.
Me:
Unwant
edguest
?
Hi
m:Ev
ery
oneget
svet
ted.
Me:
Eveny
ourst
aff
?
Hi
m:Especi
all
ythest
aff
.
Me:Wheredoyouf
indal
lthesepeopl
ewhoshar
e
t
hisi
nter
est?
Hi
m:youdon’tworr
yaboutt
hat
,al
lyouneedto
wor
ryabouti
slooki
nggoodonthel
astni
ghtand
maki
ngmeal otofmoney.
Me:
Andhowl
ongwi
l
lwebeont
hecr
uise?
Hi
m:10day
s.
Ical
cul at
edinmymi ndandjustthoughtofhowl ong
I’
vebeenawayf rom homeandhowmuchl ongerI
havetowai ttoseemyf amil
y.That’
sifIwillev
erget
toseemyf amily
, hel
edmei ntothelinerandtomy
bedroom.Ther ewer etwoguardsstationedatthe
door,“
Thesear ey ourbodyguards,theywill
bewi t
h
youev erywhereyougo, i
fI’
m notthere.”
Me:isthatr
eall
ynecessar
y,t
her
earenodev i
cesor
weaponsont heboat
,whowouldtr
ythei
rluck?
Hi
m:Whoknows, someonemightwantt
ot ast
ethe
pi
ebef
orebuy
ing.Oryoumightthi
nkaboutjumpi
ng.

Wast hi
sguyser i
ous?“Makesperfectsense,
”Isaid
sarcast
ical
ly
,“Lil
yandCassiawil
lbeher etohelpyou
getreadyfortoni
ght.Al
lyourcl
othesareinthere,
if
youneedany thi
ngthesepit
-bul
l
swi l
lhelpyou.”
Me:
Any
thi
ng?
Hi
m:YouknowwhatImeandon’
tactsmar
twi
thme.
Iwentinsideandl ayonthebed,Idon’
tknowhowI
wil
lgetoutoft hisone.Imusthavefall
enasleep
becauseIwokeupandwewer emov ing.Ichecked
theti
meandi twas4pm.Iopenedmydoorandmy
‘
pit-
bull
s’standingwhereIhadleftt
hem.
Pi
t-
bul
l1:
Canwehel
pyouma’
am?
Me:Yes,canIgetabot
tl
eofchampagneandasl
i
ce
ofchocol
atecake.
Pi
t-
bul
l1:
Wil
lthatbeal
l
?
Me:
Yeah.

30mi nut
eslaterther
ewasaknockatt hedoorandI
openedtofindLill
yandCassiawithmychampagne
andcake,aswel lasgarmentbag.Il
ett
hem inand
star
tedopeningthebottl
e,Ipour
edaglass,“
so
what’shappeningtoni
ght?
”IaskedasIputaf or
kful
l
ofcakeinmymout h.
Li
l
y:I
ntr
oduct
ion.
Me:
Oh,
that
’sexci
ti
ng…sowhathappens?
Cassi
a:Hepar
adesy
ouar
oundt
her
oom f
or
pot
ent
ial
buy
ers.
Me:
Nice,
soIdr
essupf
ancyandpl
ayni
ce?
Cassi
a:Pr
ett
ymuch.
Me:
andhowdoy
ouguy
sknowal
loft
his?
Li
l
y:Wedoi
tforal
lthegi
rl
sthatcome.
Me:Andwhydon’
tyouguy
sgetbought
?Sol
d?Bi
d…
ohwhatev
er,
youknowwhatImean.

Lil
l
ylookeddown,“becausewear
en’
tpr
ett
y
enough.”Ial
mostchokedonmychampagne,
“what?
”
Cassi
a:We’
redamaged,
sonobodywant
sus.
Me:
Doy
ouwantsomeonet
owanty
ou?
Li
l
y:I
twoul
dbeni
ce.
Me:
Tobel
ongt
osomeoneel
se?Tobeapossessi
on.
Li
l
y:I
twoul
dbebet
tert
hant
his.
Me:
Youseem l
i
keav
erysweetgi
rl
,butst
upi
d.
Li
l
y:What
?
Me:Doy ounotwanttobefree?Tofal
li
nloveand
haveafamil
ywiththemany ouwant?Doyounot
wanttohavefr
iends?Doyouwanttoconstant
lybe
tol
dwhereyoucango, whentoeatandsl
eep?

Shejustgotoffherkneesandwal kedintomy
bathr
oom, “
thatwasmean. ”IlookedupatCassia,
“wasitreal
l
y?”shenodded, “
Lilyi
sstil
lyoung,
she
doesn’
tunderstand.
”
Me:
Thenwhyar
en’
tyoumaki
ngherunder
stand?
Cassi
a:Shewantstoweart
hef
ancydr
essesand
dr
inkexpensi
vewine.
Me:
Igi
veup,
what
’si
nthebag?

Cassiaopenedupthebagandt ookoutal
ongr
ed
dressandlaidi
tonthebed,“
doy ouwantt
oweart
he
fancydresses.
”Sheshookherhead.
Me:
Ify
ougotachancet
oleav
ewoul
dyou?
Her
:Andhewoul
dn’
tfi
ndme?
Me:
Yeah.
Her
:Inahear
tbeat
.
Me:
whatwoul
dyoudoi
fyoul
eftt
hispl
ace?
Her
:Iwasadancer
.
Me:
Whatst
yle.
Her
:Cont
empor
aryandbal
l
et.
Me:
Andhowdi
dyouendupher
e?

Wewer eint
err
uptedbyLi l
y,“
yourwat eri
sr eady.”I
l
ookedatCassi aandshet urnedandst art
edt aking
outmakeup.Iwentt obathandIcameback, they
dressedmeandmademeal lpret
ty.Thedr esshada
plungingneckl
ineandt i
ghtaroundthehips.Li l
y
l
ookedatmeandsmi led,“
youlookbeaut i
ful.”Itook
asi pofmychampagneandi gnoredher ,
shecan’ t
possiblybeseri
ous,howcananysaneper sonwant
this?

Al
i
ttl
elat
erRamzi
camet
ofet
chme,
“youl
ook
amazing.”Irol l
edmyey esathi m, “comet hereis
someoneIwanty outomeet ,he’sagr eatpot ent
ial
.”
Fuckthatwast ooqui ck…It houghtIst il
l hadunt i
lwe
gettoItalytopl ananescape.Wewal kedi ntoabi g
di
ninghal l
,ev eryonewasdr essedupandmi ngli
ng
wit
hadr i
nkint heirhand.Awai tresscamebyandI
gotagl assofchampagneandt ookasi p, “somuch
tr
oubley ouwentt hrough.”Hej ustlaughed, “
You
havetospendmoneyt omakemoney .”Ididn’tsay
anythi
ngIj ustletoutal it
tle‘hmm’ andt ookasi pof
mydr i
nk.hehel dmet i
ghtandcl osetohi m aswe
madeourwayacr ossther oom, “Beast !
!”Heshout ed,
andat alldarkmant urnedar oundandl ookedhi s
way.Hesmi ledawkwar dl
y ,l
ordno!t hiscantbe…no!
Beast
:howar
eyouRamz?
Ramz
i:Gr
eathowar
eyou?
Beast
:nev
erbeenbet
ter
,andwhoi
sthel
ovel
ylady
?
Ramz
i:Abebi
,rememberIpr
omi
sedy
out
hebest
.
Beast
:Yousur
ehav
eout
doney
our
sel
fthi
sti
me.
Howmuch?
Ramz
i:y
ou’
l
lfi
ndoutwhenatt
hegal
adi
nner
.
Beast
:Comeon,
youknowI
’
m goodf
ori
t.
Voi
ce:
Goodf
orwhat
?

Ramziturnedaround,Igotthebiggestshockofmy
l
if
e.Atallmanst oodbeforeus,helookedme
st
rai
ghtintheey esandIcouldn’
tkeept hegazeand
Il
ookedaway ,“
Beasty ouaren’
ttheonlyonewith
moneyy ouknow. ”
Beast
:Andy
ouar
e?
Ramz
i:Youhav
en’
tmetChar
li
e?Heact
ual
l
ymi
ght
gi
vey
ouar unf
ory
ourmoney.
Char
li
e:Wi
l
l…Iwi
l
lgi
vehi
m ar
unf
orhi
smoney
…
Beast
:We’
l
lseeaboutt
hat
,thi
sbl
ackbeaut
yis
goi
nghomewithme.

Wasthisconv
ersat
ionhappeni
ng,
rightnow…r
ighti
n
f
rontofme?Whatthefuck!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ful
lEPI
SODE!
!
Enj
oy
[
11/
23,
18:
15]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode134

(
Thi
sisf
oral
lmyl
oyal
reader
s..
.thanky
ouguy
s)

Itriedtowal kawaybutRamzi grabbedme, “wher e

doy outhinkyouar egoi ng?
”Ilookedathi m,"r
eally?I
needadr ink,theladiesandIhav etohav ea
cigar et
te…i sthattoomucht oask?”Iwasf eel
ing
l
ikecr y
ing,screami ngandkicking…Ineededf r
esh
air.Ramzi si
gnaledf oroneoftheguar dstoescor t
meandhepul ledmecl oser,“
don’truntoofar,there
aremanymor et omeet .”Hewhi speredinmyear .Oh
godwhyme?
?
Hel etmegoandt heguar dwal kedbehi ndme, Iwent
i
nt othebat hroom andhewenti n,“arey oubei ng
serious?”hedi dn’tanswermebutcheckedal lthe
stall
s,“getout !”hei nstr
uctedawomanwhowasi n
thebat hroom.Att hi spointi ntimeIr eallydidn’tcare,
whent hebat hroom wasempt yhel ookedatme, “
are
yougoi ngt owat chmego? ”Iaskedhi m, heshook
hishead, “
I’
llbeout side.
”It ooki nadeepbr eat he
andl etitoutsl owl yandt het ear sjustr andownmy
cheeks.Af tersomet i
meIcomposedmy self
…I
fi
nishedmybusi nessandf ixedmyf aceup, whenI
steppedoutt hebodyguar dwast her ewai ti
ngf orme,
“Ineedadr inkandci gar
ettes, cany ouhel pmewi th
that?”Henodded, “come. ”Ifollowedhi m andwe
wenti ntoasi dedoorandi twasl i
keanof f
ice,ora
studyr ather.“doesRamzi ownt hi
scr uisel i
ner? ”
Hi
m:Yeah.
Me:
Andhowof
tendoesanev
entl
i
ket
hishappen?
Hi
m:Mont
hly
.
Me:
What
?
Hi
m:What
?

Hewal kedov ertot hef ri

dgeandgotmechampagne
andpour edmeagl asst henhandedi tt ome.He
openedawi ndowandt henhandedmeaboxof
cigarettesandal i
ght er,“Thanks.”Het henst oodby
thedoorwat chingmesmoke, Il
itasecondone.He
touchedhi sear ,“…int hest udyboss…y esboss.”He
l
ookedupatme, “youneedt ohur r
yRamzi needsy ou
back.”It ookasi pandf inishedmyci gar ett
eandwas
l
edbackt othehal landev eryonewasnowseat ed
andl i
steningt osomemanspeaki ngandwel coming
everyoneont heshi p.Iwasl edtositnextt oRamzi
andheki ssedmycheekt henwhi spered, “Whattook
yousol ong?”Ididn’ tbotherr espondi
ng, Il
ooked
aroundourt ableChar l
ieandBeastwer esi tt
ingwith
us,alongwi t
ht woot hermenIdi dn’
trecogni zeand
theirfemal epartners.Theni ghtwentonandonand
peopleat eanddr ank.

Ramz
iwal
kedmet
omyr
oom at2am,
hest
oppedat
thedoor;
“youdidgr eatoutthere,
tomor r
owy ouget
abreakandenjoyt her i
de.I’
ll
seey ouatbreakfast
andthentherestoft hedayy ouhav etoyoursel
f.”I
gavehim asmile,“thanks,goodnight.
”Iclosedthe
doorandlockedi t
.Igotoutofmydr essandi nt
ot he
bath,
Ichangedi ntomypaj amasandsl ept.

Thenextcoupl eofday swer ethesamet hing,

breakf ast,chi
ll
ingatt hepool orthecasi noandt hen
i
nt heni ghtIhadt odr essupandgoi mpr ess.We
wer ear ri
vinginItalythenextdayandIhadgi venup
allhopeofbei ngr escued…Iwokeupat5am and
askedoneoft heguar dstogetmebr eakfastinmy
room, af t
ereat i
ngIgotbacki ntothecov ersandj ust
l
ayt her e.Iheardt hedooropenandIpr etendedtobe
asleep, “wakeuppr incess.”Ididn’tanswerhi m,“it’
s
suchabeaut i
fuldayout si
de, youwantt oseet his.”I
fel
thi m sitont hebed, “Abebiwhat ’
swr ong? ”I
sniffed, “
Ijustwantt obeal one.”
Him:butever
yoneislooki
ngfor
war
dtoseei
ngy
ou
outt
heretodayfort
helastti
me.
Me:Exact
ly,
Ijustwantt
obealonefort
helastday
andenj
oymyl astbi
toffr
eedom i
npeace.
Him:Thati
srubbish,you’
reacti
ngl
i
keaspoi l
tbr
at.I
havedonenothi
ngt oharmy ou,
ori
ll
-t
reaty
ouand
thi
sishowyourepayme?

Hewasnowshout ingandIdi dn’

tcareanymor e
becausethi
swasj usttheend.Iignoredhim and
coveredmyheadwi t
ht hecoverwhichheri
ppedof f
mybody ,“
getoutofbedt hi
sinst
antandgetr eady
…I
don’twantt
or epeatmy self
.”Idi
dn’
tmov e,“
Abebi!!
”I
snappedbackathi m,“What ??Whatwil
lyoudo?wi l
l
youkill
me,pleasedoi tnow! !
”

Hest oodupandpul ledmeof fthebed, andforced

met ost andupf aci
nghim, “yourbehaviori
s
unaccept able…Iwill
nottoleratei
t;Il
eftmy
grandchi l
drenathome.Iwi ll
notdeal withthi
s;you
willgooutt hereandgetmemymoney .Youseem t o
forgetthatthisisyourhusband’sfaul
t!Ididn’task
forthis,soy ouwil
lactaccordingl
yandpayf oryour
husband’ ssins!”Ilookedathi m,“I’
vepl ayedmypar t,
andI ’
mt ir
ed…Iwi llcomeoutt onight.”Nextt hinghe
slappedmesohar dandIf ell
tothef loor,“youwi l
l
bathandcomeoutbef oreIdosomet hi
ngwor se
thant hat …onehour !”hesai d,“Youshoul dn’thav e
donet hat!!
”hel ookeddownatme, “haha, whatar e
yougoi ngtodo?Mxm, getupandgetcl eanbef oreI
getreal lymad! ”Hesai dthatwal ki
ngoutand
bangi ngt hedoorbehi ndhi m.Isatont hef l
oor
holdingmycheekandcr ying, t
henthedooropened
againandLi llyandCassi awal kedin.Cassi aknel tin
frontofme, “letmesee. ”Ihesi t
antl
yr emov edmy
handt oshowhermycheek, “
weneedt ogetsome
i
ceont hat.
”Shet oldoneoft heguar dst obr i
ngan
i
cebucketandshemademybedwhi lewewai ted.
Nobodyspoke, sheputt hei ceinacl othandhanded
i
tt ome, Iputi tonmycheekandj ustsatt here.
Cassi
a:y
ouknowyouhav
etogooutt
her
eorel
sehe
wil
ldoworset
oyou
Me:whatwor
secanhedo?He’
salr
eadyt
akenmy
l
if
e,Ihav
enothi
ngel
set
oliv
efor
.
Cassi
a:soy
ou’
rej
ustgoi
ngt
ogi
veup?
?
Me:
I’
m hopel
essher
e…whatel
sei
sther
etoDo?
Her
:wi
l
lyoubeont
hisboatf
orev
er?
Me:I’
m goingt
obesol
dtosomemanwhoWi l
l
pr
obablyrapemeni
ghtaf
terni
ght
…what
’st
hepoi
nt
i
nfight
ing?
Her:foryourhusbandandchi
l
dr en.Weren’ty
outhe
onetell
ingLil
yaboutfr
eedom?Whathappenedt o
thatspeech?Just1weekandy ou’real
readygiv
ing
up??
Me:
wel
ll
ookatt
hepotcal
l
ingt
heket
tl
ebl
ack.
Her
:don’
tspeakofwhaty
oudon’
tknow.
Me:
you’
redoi
ngt
heexactsamet
hingt
ome.
Her:
didy
ourpar
entsselly
ousot heycanmake
somemoneytofeedyouryoungersi
ster
s?
Me:
nobu-
Her:nobut,you’r
eher ebecausey ourhusbandmade
afuckedupdeci sionforwhat everr
eason.Andhe’s
probabl
youtt herelookingforyou,t
ryi
ngt ogetyou
outofhere.Andy ou’rejustgi
v i
ngup…that’sareal
ni
cewayt othankhi m! !You’
rebeingself
ish.
Shewal kedawayi ntothebathroom, Il
etoutasi gh
becauseshewasr ighttoacer t
ainext ent.If ol
lowed
heri ntothebathr oom andf oundherwi pinghert ears
away ,“
I’
m sorry…I ..
”shecutmeof fbefor eIcoul d
saymor e,“youneedhel pwi t
hy ourbat horwi l
l y
ou
bef ine?”Iswallowedhar d,“
I’
llmanage, thanky ou.”
Shewal kedoutt hebat hroom andl eftmef eeli
ngl i
ke
shit.Itookmybat hnursingmycheekandwhenI
cameoutt heroom wasempt ywi t
hmycl otheson
thebed.Igotdr essedandwentout ,Iwasescor ted
tothecasi nowher eRamzi wasatt hebl ackj ack
table.Hel ookedatmeannoy ed, butsmi ledt o
pleasehi sguest s,“niceofyoutof inall
yj oinus…si t.
Drink? ”
Ishookmyheadandhewav edt othewaitressand
shecameandhewhi speredsomet hinginherear
thensheleft.Irecognizedthemenar oundt hetable
from l
astnight,theywer esmoki ngcigar
sand
drinki
ngcognac.Ispentt herestofthedaywi th
Ramz iunti
lafterlunch,he‘all
owed' metospendt he
restofthedayi nmyr oom topreparefortonight.
Lateront hegirl
scamet odr essmeandagai nwe
wer einthedininghall
.Dr i
nkswer eser
vedandthen
Ramz i
cli
nkedhi schampagnegl ass;ever
yone
stoppedwhatt heywer edoingandf acedhim,“l
adi
es
andgent lement hepartwehav eallbeenwait
ing
for.
”Ev eryonecheered,“l
et’
sal ltakeoutseat
ssowe
cangett hisshowont heroad. ”Myheartstar
ted
beatingfastasIt ookmyseatont hetabl
einthe
frontandt henitstar
ted.

Thegi rl
scameont hest ageonebyone, he
i
ntroducedt hem bythei rname,ageandcount ryof
bir
th.Themenwer ebiddinghighfigur
escl oset oa
mill
ioneachgi rlandthewomenseemedt ocheer
them on.Whatf uckeryi sthi
sIthoughttomy self.
Thel astgi
rlwalkedof fthestageandt henRamzi
announcedt hatsupperwi l
lbeservedbef or
et he
mainev ent.WasIt hemai nevent
??Itookasi pof
mychampagneandhesatnextt ome, “you’r
eup,
makemepr oud.
”Hesi gnall
edforLil
ytocomeget
meandt akemebackst age,“makeherlook
ravishing.”Hesai dwhi lesli
ppi nghersomemoney
andshesmi ledandescor t
edmet otheback.They
didmymakeupandhai r,t
henputmei nadifferent
dress.Ti ghtandr evealing,Cassi awalkedin.“you
l
ookbeaut i
ful,
”shesai dhol dingmyhandand
l
ooki ngst rai
ghti ntomyey es.Shel etgoofmyhand
andwhi speredi nmyear ,“
itwi l
l makethi
sal i
ttl
ebit
easier.”Shest eppedawayf rom meandpour edmea
glassofchampagne.Iopenedmyhandandf ounda
pil
l,Itri
edt oexami nei ttoseei fi
twassomet hingI
mi ghtrecogni zebutIwasshi toutofluck.She
handedmet heglassandnodded, Iputthepil
l i
nmy
mout handwashedi tdownwi thchampagne.Al ady
peepedi n,“t
heyar ereadyf ory ou.”Cassianoddedat
her ,“
she'llber i
ghtt here.”Thenset urnedbackt ome,
“Wel l
,it’
stime…”

Igotupf r
om thechairandwal kedoutandwaited
backstageasinst
ructed.Icouldn’
tseethecrowdbut
IcouldhearRamzi,“ournextgirli
sveryspeci
al,y
ou
mightallknowherorhear dofher.WifetoKeenan
DeCost aanddaughterofthelateAdebayo.All
the
wayf rom Ni geria,Ipresentt
oy out heblackbeaut y
Abebi .
”Thecur tainsopenedandt hecr owdwas
screami ngandcheer i
ng.Ramzi putouthi shandand
Iwalkedt ohim, Ifeltl
ikeIwasf l
oat i
ngasIwal ked.
Heki ssedmycheekandspokeagai n;“
she'sa
beaut yi
sn’ tshe?Thebi ddi
ngwi l
lbedi f
ferentforthi
s
gem.Thet op5bi dsWi l
lbat
tl
eitoutwhenwer each
ourfinal desti
nat i
on, t
hehighestbiddert akesher
home. ”Theyr oaredsomemor e,“thebiddingst ar
ts
at1mi l
l
iondol l
ars.”
Beast
:2mi
l
li
on
Char
li
e:5mi
l
li
on
Theywentbackandf ort
hwi t
hot hersj oi
ning.The
biddingl ast
edf or30mi nsandt hetop5bi dswere
500mi l
lion,450mi ll
i
on,430, 400and390mi ll
i
on.I
couldn’thearorf eelorev enseehal ft hetime.When
i
twasal l ov
erRamz iwalkedmeof ft hestageand
outatt hebackoft heroom wi thpeopl echeer i
ngup
onaswewal ked,“t
hatwasgr eat…y oudi damazing
outther e.Youdeser veat reat.
”Ijustsmi ledathim,I
gotadr inkatt hebaranddownedi t
.Anst ar
ted
chewi ngoni ce, “
it
’shotinher e,arey oufeeling
hot
?imf
eel
i
nghot
!!
”
Hi
m:y
esy
ouar
e,y
ouwer
eonf
ir
e!!

Cassiawalkedtowardsus, “si
rthepeopleare
l
ookingforyou.”Helookedatme, “
Ihatetoleave
youbutdutycalls.
”Heki ssedmycheekandwal ked
away,Irubbedsomei ceonmyneck.Cassi ajust
l
aughed, “
Whatdi dyougi v
eme?Ineedt ogetoutof
thi
sdress…it’
ssohot !”shecouldn’
tstoplaughing.
Me:
ist
hisf
unnyt
oyou?
Her:
itact
ual
l
yis.You’
rej
ustal
i
ttl
ehi
gh,
itwi
l
lwear
of
fsoon.
Me:
Iwannagetoutoft
hisdr
ess.
Her:y
ouaretheevent,
soyoucan’
tleav
e.Thepar
ty
i
sjustaboutt
ogetstart
ed!
!

Ilookedather
,“youf
ucki
ngwithmer i
ght
?”she
shookherhead,“Iwi
shIwere,andher
ecomesy our
Beast.”Shest
eppedasi
de,Ist
oodfacetofacewit
h
thisman.
Hi
m:So,
anAdebay
o?
Me:
yeah.
Hi
m: i
t’
ssadwhathappenedt
ohi
m,t
hatmanwasa
l
egend.
Me:
def
ini
tel
y.
Hi
m: andwhothoughtt
hathewoul
ddiefr
om ahear
t
at
tack…It
houghtsomeonewouldchopof
fhi
shead.
Me:
youknow.

Iwasnoti nt
erest edinwhathewassay ing,Itur
ned
tothebarman, “getmeabeer .”Beastl ookedatme,
“ohwe'regoingt ohav efunmeandy ou!”hesaid
pull
ingmecl oser, “
Iheardwear en’tall
owedt otouch
thegoodsunt i
lsal eisfi
nalized.”It urnedar oundand
sawChar l
iestandi ngthere.Beastdi dn’tletgoofme
butpull
edmecl oserinsteadandki ssedmycheek,
“andthatmyf ri
endj ustcosty ou500000dol lar
s.”
Ramz isai
dashewal kedtowar dsus.“ Whatpar tof
notouchingdoy ounotunder stand?Andi fanyof
youdon’tbehavey outoowi llbef ined.Nowl et’
s
st
ickt
other
ulegent
lemen.
”
[
11/
23,
18:
16]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode135

wasi nmycabin; myheadwaspoundi ngafterl

ast
night.Iwasn’
tdressedandIt urnedoverand
someonewasi nmybed.Shi t,Ifr
oze…Istarted
thinki
ngaboutlastnightandIcouldn’
trecallmuch.
Cassiagav emeadr ug,Iremember edthat.I
remembert heguy stal
kingatthebar…shitwhatdid
youdoAbebi ??DidCassi asetmeup? ?

Ilookedatt heper sonsl eepingnextt ome; theywere

coveredupi nthecov ers.Itouchedmypeachandl et
outasi ghofrelief,okayIdi dn’tsleepwi thhi
m.Igot
upof fthebedsl owl ytryi
ngnott omakeasoundor
towaket hem up.Iputonmyr obeandmademyway
tothedoor .Theguar dswer est andingthere,
“morningma' am, canwegety ouany thi
ng?”Ididn’
t
evenknowhowt ostar t
,“uhm…”It urnedandlooked
atmybedandt heper sonwasmov i
ng,“someoneis
i
nmybed…”oneoft heguy sl ookedatmef unny
al
mostti
lt
inghi
sheadtothesi
de,“
he'
sinthebed.
”I
openedt
hedoorwiderf
orhi
mt ocomein.

Thebody guardt ookouthi sgunandmadehi sway

towar dsthebed, theotherstoodwithmybyt hedoor
call
ingRamzi .Ther ewasar uckusint her
oom andI
sawt heBeastf i
ght i
ngt hebodyguard.Ashotwas
fi
red, butdidn’thitanyone,nowev eryonewas
outsidemyr oom t ryi
ngt ofi
ndoutwhatwas
happeni ng.Ramzi camer unning,
“wher ei
she?”The
body guardpoi ntedinside,“
Beast!”

Hegotupandtheguar
dhel
dhimfr
om behind,t
o
r
est
rai
nhim.“Idi
dn’
tdoany
thi
ngRam Iswear.
”

Ramz
i:Whyt
hef
uckar
eyoui
nherr
oom.
Beast
:Idon’
tknow,
I.
.

Ramz iturnedar oundandheadedi nmydi r

ection,
“whathappened? ”hegr abbedmebyt heshoul ders,
“AbebiI’mt alki
ngt oy ou.”Itr
iedtospeak, andt he
wordsj ustwoul dn’tcomeout ,Ihonestlydidn’tknow
howhegoti nthere.“Didhet ouchy ou?”Ramzi
asked,andIshookmyhead.Theguar dwas
draggi
ngt hef i
ghti
ngBeastoutofmyr oom and
downt hepassage; Char li
ewasl eaningagai nstt he
wallsmi l
ing.Het ookabi teofhisapple, “
yousetme
up!”Beastr oaredashewasdr aggedpastChar l
ie,
whodi dn’tanswerhi m butbl ewhi m akiss.Ramzi
grabbedmyar m andpul l
edme, Itr
iedtogetoutof
hisgri
pbuthet i
ghtenedi t,“y
ou’rehurti
ngme. ”he
wasn’tbot heredandcont inuedtowal k.Wewer e
nowononeoft hedecks, “
nowy oucanwat chhi m
swim wi t
ht heshar ks.”Beast’seyespoppedout ,
“Ramzi youknowIdi dn’tdothis,Iwassetup.How
wasIgoi ngt ogeti nwi t
hal lt
hebody guards? ”Ramzi
didn’
tlist en, “anyl astwor ds?”hesaidlooki ngatme,
“Ramzi please. ”Beastpl eaded,“Checkt he
camer as. ”Ramzi lookedathi m, “
youknowt herear e
nocamer asont heboat ,andy oucrossedt hewr ong
fucker!”Beastwasnowonhi sknees,“Ramzi we
havebeeni nbusi nessf orhowmanyy ears?Youowe
meatl eastt hismuch. ”Ramzi gotangr yandki cked
himi nt hechest ,“IOWEYOUNOTHI NG…TOSSHI M
OVER! !”hei nst ruct edtheguar ds,andt heyt hr ewt he
screami ngBeastov er
boar d.Ihadmyhandsov ermy
eyes,Icoul dn’ twat ch,“openy oureyes.”It ookmy
handsaway ,“Idon’ tknowwhaty ouar epl ay i
ngat …
butthatshoul dt eachy ouwhatI ’
ll
dot oy oui fyou’re
tryi
ngt of uckt hisoper ationup.”Isnif
fed, “Idi dn’tdo
anything. ”

Him:We’
l
lseeaboutt
hat,
gotoyourr
oom.The
doct
orwi
llbewi
thyouinabi
t.

Me:
Doct
or?
Him:Youwantmet
otakey
ourwor
dthatnot
hing
happened?

Iwasshockedanddi dn’thaveany thingt osayback

tohim.Iwal kedinf rontofhi m andwentt otheroom.
Thebedwasnowmade, “
don’tbath, Iwantal l
the
evidence.
”Isatont hebedwai t
ingf orthedoct or,he
camei nanddi dtheexami nat
ionandl eft.Anhour
l
aterRamzi camet oconf i
rmt hatIdi dn’thavesex,
andt oinf
or m met hatwewi llbear ri
vingi n2hour s.
Hel ef
tmei nt heroom andIwast hinkingaboutt he
eventsthatoccurredt oday.Howdi dBeastgeti nto
mybedwi thoutbeingseenbyt heguar ds?Andwhy
didhet hi
nkChar l
iesethi m up?Whywoul dChar l
i
e
sethim up?Doeshewantmeal lt
ohi msel f
?May be
Keenansenthi m?
Ist
art
edt ohav ealit
tl
ehope,Ihavesomeoneher e
wit
hme.I ’m goi
ngt ogetoutofher
e.Andher eIwas
thi
nki
ngt hatKeenanwasn’ttr
yinganyt
hing…Ifell
asl
eep,andwaswokenbyRamzi ,“
wakeywakey …we
havereachedourdest i
nati
on.
”Iwaslefttofr
eshen
upandanhourl at
erwewer eheadi
ngtot hehotel
.

.
Iwasinmyr oom gett
ingmyhai randmakeupr eady,
Cassiawal kedinandgav emeacr ookedsmi le,“ar
e
youready ?”Ilookedather,“Iam nott aki
ngt hatshit
anymor e.”Shelaughedoutloud, don’tbesilly,“
are
youreadyt ogetoutofher e.
”Irolledmyey es, I
’
m
notgettingintothiswithyouagain.”Shet i
ltedher
head,“arey ouscared?”Inodded, “i
sthatat rick
questi
on? ”

Her:You’l
lnev
erknowwhatwi
llhappenoutther
e.
Lookatwhathappenedtot
hatBeastguy,andI
thoughthewastaki
ngyouhome.

Me:
Hmmm…

Idi
dn’tknowwhereshewasgoingwi
ththi
ssoI
i
gnoredher;shet
urnedar
oundandpour
edmea
glassofchampagnewhi chIrefused.Sheshr ugged,
“ohwel l.
”Shesai dbeforedowni ngt hedri
nk.Li
ly
l
ookedathershockedandt henshegi ggledand
cont i
nuedt opl
aywi ththejewellerythatwassetup
forme.“ I’
m goingtocheckwhat ’shappening,
”She
l
ef ttheroom.Shei sonest rangegi rl
,“Li
l
y…”she
turnedar oundandl ookedatme.“ yes,
”She
answer edsoftl
y ,
“howl onghav ey ouandCasbeen
wor kingforRamzi ?
”

Her
:Cassi
awasher
ebef
oreme.

Me:Andyouhav
ebeenwor
kingwi
thhersi
ncey
ou
st
art
ed?

Her
:No,
ever
yonewor
ksal
one,
you’
ret
hef
ir
st.

Me:
Isee…
Cassiacamei n,“theyar easki ngf ory ou. ”Itooka
deepbr eat heandst oodup.Shehel dmyshoul ders
andpul ledmei ntoami ni hug, shepul ledoutand
escortedmeoutoft her oom, whenwegott ot he
dini
nghal lsheopenedt hedoorf orme, “seey ouon
theothersi de.”Shewi nkedandt henpushedmei n.
Thisgirl i
sst r
ange, andIdi dn’tgetachancet o
processwhatshesai dbecauseRamzi wassmi li
ng
whilewal kingt owar dsme.Ohmyl ord, hest oodnext
tome, “y oulookni ce, nowsmi l
eandgetmemy
money .”Ilookedathi m wi thast raightf aceandhe
ti
ghtenedhi sgr i
par oundmei napai nful manner ,
andIf orcedoutasmi le.Hel edmet othet able; t
he
crowdwasn’ tasbi gast heoneont heboat ,“Ladies
andgent l
eman…”Ramzi st arted.“Wel lhasn’ titbeen
awonder fulcoupl eofday s.”Thecr owdcheer ed,
“Welltodayi st heev enty oual lhav ebeenwai tingf or
,
butbef orewegett ot hemai ncour se;letusenj oya
start
er.”Thecur tainsopenedandf ivegi rlsstood
beforeus, twowhi teandt woChi neseorJapanese
andonebl ackgir
l.Charl
iemov eduncomf or tablyin
hisseat ,t
hegirl
swer ei
ntroducedandauct ionedone
byonet hentheblackgirlwasbr oughtupl ast .She
wasi ntroducedasSout hAf rican,Ilookedather
closelyandherey eswer eshutandshel ookedsuper
high.Shewassway i
ngfrom l efttorightandmy
heartsank, hernamewasLusandaandshedi dn’ t
evenl ookolderthan21.If eltsorryforher ,her eI
wasact i
ngsnobbishandsomepeopl ewer et reated
l
ikeher .atearescapedmyey eatthet houghtt hatit
couldbemeupt here.Iwasi nt er
ruptedf r
om my
thought sbyCharli
ej umpingup5mi l
li
on.Ev ery one
j
ustl ookedathim.

Ohgodt hiscan’
tbehappeningtome, hewasn’ther
e
formeaf t
erall
.Whydi dhebidsomuchf ora
druggedupjunkie,
Ilostal
lhopeofbeingrescued.
Het ookherofft
hest ageandputhissui
tjacked
overherandkeptrubbinghertr
yingtokeepher
war m.Whent heywer edonewi tht hegi rls,Ramzi
tookt hemi cagai nandspoke, “weal lknowt he
shocki ngev ent st hathappenedt oMrBeast ,sowe
hadt or epl acehi m.”Someoft hepeopl ei nthe
crowdst artedbooi nghim andhel iftedhi shandand
thenoi sedi eddown, theaut horitythi smanhas.
“Wel lIknowj ustt hecandi date, Kennet h.”Awhi t
e
l
argemascul inemanst oodup, hehadabodyofa
rugbypl ay erandhadt attoosall over .Hel ookedso
scaryandi cy, Istartedshaki ng; event heguy she
wasgoi ngagai nstlookeduneasy .Nott hatIhav ea
prefer enceofwhoIwantt obeboughtby ,butI
woul dr at heritwasn’ thim.Ramzi cont inuedt o
speak, andi nfor medev eryonet hatt hiswasapr i
vate
saleandt heycannotcomei ntot heauct i
onr oom.
Hest eppeddownandcamet ome, hehel douthi s
handandIt ooki t
, “
ti
met opayof fy ourhusband’ s
debtandmakedaddyr i
ch.”Itriedt opul loutofhi s
gri
pbuthet ight enedi tandpul ledmecl oser,“tr
y
anythi ngandy ouwi l
l r
egretit.
”Hewasnowr ighti
n
myf ace, andIwasasecondawayf rom shi tti
ng
my sel f.“ Andhowar ewesupposedt of eel wheny ou
bruiseourpackage? ”Char li
esai dgi v i
ngRamzi a
cheekysmi r
kwhot henl oosenedhi sgripfrom me.
Charli
el edthewayi ntothesecretr oom wi t
h
Lusandaonhi sarm andt heysatdownnextt oeach
other.Whi l
eIwasl eadt ositi
nthecent reoft he
roundst age.Thechai rswereplacedar oundt he
stage;thegirl
swal kedar oundnakedandser ved
everyonedr i
nks.Ramzi l
ovesthespot l
ightsohe
stoodupagai n,
“gent lemenIknowwear eall ti
red
andwewantt ogohome; l
et’
shurryt hi
sup. ”He
mademest andandt heguy swer en’tplayi
ng.Char li
e
wast hef i
rstto550, andt heyallplacedt heirbids1
byonet r y
ingtobet hehi ghestbidder .Kennet hstood
up,“10bi l
li
on.”Every onegasped, whati sgoi ngon
here?Iaskedmy self, whatthehell!

Char
li
e:15

Kennedy
:30
Ramzi
:Char
li
elooksl
i
key
oul
ose,
Kennyy
ougett
he
gi
rl
.Comegivememymoney
.

Istoodther ef rozenandshocked, whatj ust

happened?Wasal l Icoul daskmy self?Char l
ietook
theLusandagi rl
outoft heroom.Kennet hwasi nt he
cornerwithwhatIassumewashi sITguyandt hey
weretransf erri
ngt hef unds.Iwasshaki ngandI
walkedof fthest age, Ifoundt hedr inkst ableand
openedt hebot tl
eandt ookagul p.Iswal lowedand
thetearsst artedpour ingandIt ookanot hergul p,
“angel
,youshoul dbesohappy .”Ramzi sai dt ome
ashewal kedt owar dsme.Hewasgr inningl ikea
chimpanzee; hest oodbymeandki ssedmycheek.I
tri
edtoswi ngmyar m andhi thim wi t
habot tle,
“ I
wouldn’tdot hatifIwer ey ou.”Hesai dhol dingt he
bottl
e.Kennet hst oodt heresmi l
ingandRamzi
mov edoutt heway , “
we’ llgetgoing.”Hesai dl ooking
atme, Itookast epback, “Iwon’ thur tyou.”Ramzi
shovedmet owar dsthiswhi tegor il
l
a.Hehel dmy
arm andusher edmet owar dsoneoft hedoor s,when
oneoft hedoor sopenedandshot sst ar
tedbei ng
fi
red.Icouldn’tt
ellwhatwashappeni ngbutIsaw
Charli
eget t
ingshot .Kennet hmanagedt ogetusout
ofthereandwewer erunningt ot hepar king,there
wereshot severywher eandIhear dawoman
shouti
ng…Ist oppedandl ookedt of i
ndt heLusanda
gir
ljumpingonmyhusband, shewascr ying
hyster
icall
y.Hehel dherandwasbr ushingherhai r
,
whatthef uckisthis.Het urnedar oundandwal ked
towardsacarandabul lethitmeonmysi deandI
fel
ltothegr oup.Ifeltmysoul leav i
ngmybodyas
Kennethcar ri
edmeov erhisshoul der.
[
11/
23,
18:
16]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode136

*
***
***
***
***
***Keenan*
***
***
***
***
***
**
Iwal kedt ot hecarandpl acedLusandai nt heback,
“I’
l
l berightback. ”Shel ookedupatmewi thl azy
tearyey es,“Luzukodon’ tleav eme. ”Shesai dhol di
ng
ontomyhand, “
Mi kewi ll staywi t
hy ou,andI ’
ll be
ri
ghtback. ”Iwal kedawayf rom thecar ;Idon’ teven
rememberwhenl astIhear dsomeonecal l mebymy
Xhosaname.I tjusttookmebackt owhenwewer e
youngandshewasscar edt odosomet hing, Ihadt o
alway shol dherhandandwasal way sleftbehi nd
withherwhi l
et heboy sal l ranahead. ”Iwal kedback
i
nt othehot elandl ookedatal lt
hedeadbodi es;
Char li
ewasl impi ngt owar dsmehol dinghi s
abdomen, “wher eisshe? ”Iaskedhi m, “Idon’ tknow,
shewaswi tht hatwhi teguy .
”myar mpitsgothot ,
“youl ethergo? ”Iwasnowscr eami ng,Ilooked
aroundt hedeadbodi esi nhopest hatmay beshe
wasbur iedunderoneoft hem, “
Abebi !
!Abebi !!”Iwas
screami ng, Mi kegr abbedmyshoul der ,
“ t
hecopsar e
ont hewayl et ’
sgetoutofher e!”Ilookedathi m
blankly,“Ican’ tleavewi thoutherman. ”Hegr abbed
mer oughly, “whatgoodar ey ouifyou’rei npr ison,
thisisn’tSout hAf rica!!We’ lltrackherdown. ”Hewas
ri
ghtandIst artedwal kingt owar dstheexi tandt o
t
hecar
.

Wedr ovef oraboutanhourt oruralItalywher ewe

hadbeenst ayi
ngf orthepastcoupl eofday s.Wegot
toMike’shouseandIcar ri
edLusandai nside,she
wasshaki ngandmumbl ingsomet hing.Icoul dn’t
exactl
yfigureoutwhatshewassay ing, wet ookher
tothemedi calroom andshewasputonadr i
pand
thengivensomet hingtosleep.Iwalkedt othe
kit
chenandf oundt heguy sthere,
“and? ”ev eryone
j
ustlookedatme, “nothi
ngy et.
”Weneedt ohead
homei nthemor ningandwewi llf
igur eitoutt her
e.
Wehav emor eequi pmentandmanpower .”

Me:
Howt
hef
uckdi
dthi
shappen?

Char
li
e:Idon’
tknowman.
Me:Youdon’
tknow?Youl
etanot
hermanj
ustwal
k
awaywit
hmywi f
e.

Char
li
e:Iwastakenbysurpr
ise;
Ithoughtaf
ter
get
ti
ngridofBeastIhadher
.

Iwal kedtot hecabi netandt ookoutabot tl

eanda
glassandIpour edadr ink.Itookitbacki nonegul p
andt henpour edanot herone.Ir epeatedt hepr ocess
aboutf ourtimesbef oreMi kespoke, “
Takei teasy ,
youneedt obecl earmi ndedt ogetherback. ”Itook
backt hefifthdr i
nkandl ookedathi m, “i
fitwas
Storm outt her e,wouldy oubet akingi teasy?”Heput
hishandsupt osur r
ender ,“weleav etomor row
mi dday,we’llar r
iveinSAt hef ol
lowi ngdayar ound2
am. ”Iroll
edmyey esandl i
tacigar ett
e, “
outside
buddy .”It
ookt hebot tl
eandwal kedout sideand
smokedt herewhi l
edr i
nking.Iwaswor r
iedsick
aboutAbebi ,butatleastImanagedt ogetLusanda
outoft
her
e.

*
***
***
***
***
*Abebi
***
***
***
***
*

Iopenedmyey esandclosedthem agai

n,and
openedthem sl
owlythisti
meandbl i
nked.Iheard
voi
cesaroundmeandt ri
edsi
tti
ngupbutIwast ied
down,Itr
iedt
ol ookaroundbutIwasrestrai
ned.We
wer eint heai r,wher ear et heyt akingme, “y
ou’ re
awake. ”Ihear dav oicesayandKennet hhov ered
overmyf ace, “It houghtIl osty out herehoney .
”My
hear tstar t
edr acingandIt riedwr i
ggli
ngoutoft he
straps, “don’ tscar ehery oui diot !
”Ihear daf ami li
ar
voiceandt hensawhi sf aceandIst artedcr ying,
“But…”hel ookeddownatmei nacr ookedsmi le,
“butwhat ?ButI ’
m dead, nev er!”Iwascr yi
nghar der,
“don’tcr y…whyar ey oucr y i
ng?YouknowI ’
m not
touchi ngy ourt earsr ight?”Il aughedal ittl
ebi t,“CanI
hav ewat er?”hedi sappear edawhi l
eandcameback
puttingast rawi nmymout handIdr ank.If eltt he
strapsl ooseni ngar oundme, andIwasf i
nall
yf r
ee,
“wast hatnecessar y ,
”Iaskedsi tt
ingup, pai
nshot
throught hesi deofmybodyandIl etoutacr y .“Yip,
”
hesai dnoddi ng.Hepi ckedmeupandpl acedmeon
thecouchandsati nf rontofme, “how? ”Iaskedhi m
conf used.Hecl earedhi st hroat ,“wellhowdoIsay
thi
s? ”Hescr atchedhi schi n, “Theydon’ tcallmedi e
hardf ornot hing. ”Igav ehi m abl anklookbecauseI
hadbeenwor riedsi ckabouthi m andhecomesher e
withj okes, “whysoser ious? ”Her oll
edhi sey es,
“Ramzi ’
smencan’ tshoot ,andt heymi ssedal l t
he
vi
talorgansandyah…That
’showi thappened.You’r
e
grandpafoundmeattheai
rportandnowIsav edthe
day.”Mymi ndcamebackt
ome, “
Keenan? ”

I
ce:Don’
twor
ryabouthi
m;he’
l
lbei
nSAshor
tl
yaf
ter
us.

Me:
Whywer
en’
tyouguy
stoget
her
?

I
ce:
Hethi
nksI’
m dead,
andi
twasgoi
ngt
omessup
t
hewhol
eplan.

Me:
Uh?

I
ce:
Idon’
ttr
usthi
sguy
s.

Me:
Whoi
sthegi
rl
?
Icescr
atchedhi
shead,
“Lusanda.
”Il
ookedathi
m,“
I
knowthat,whoi
sshe?Whatisshetohim?”

I
ce:
Afr
iend,
from l
ongago.

Me:
That
’swhyhet
ookt
hosegi
rl
s??

Ice:
Yeah,hethoughtshewast
her
e,onl
ytof
indout
sheactual
lyi
sn’t
.

Il
etoutasi gh, “
butheletyouguyst
akeme,he
savedher.”Ice’seyespopped,“
don’
tthi
nkl
i
kethat
,
hewast heret osaveyou.”
Me:SowhywasIl
eftbehi
nd?WasInott
hemai
n
vi
cti
m?

I
ce:
Abi
don’
tdot
hist
oyour
sel
f…y
o-

Iputupmyhandtostophi
mfrom tal
ki
ng,“howl
ong
ti
ll
weland?
”heletoutal
oudsigh,
“about5hour
s.”

Me:
Ist
her
eanyf
ood?

Henoddedandgotuptofixmeapl at
e, hehanded
meabeerandweat ei
nanawkwar dsilence.“Thank
you,
”Ievent
ual
l
yspoke,helookedup,“
di dyousay
somethi
ng?”
Me:
Thanky
ou.

Hi
m:For
?

Me:
Real
l
y?

Him:
well
it’
saboutt
ime;It
houghti
twoul
dnev
er
comesoIhavetodr
agiton.

Me:
What
everhowar
emybabi
es?

Him: t
heyaregood,gr
owing.Cecei
sther
e,I
’
vebeen
gett
ingupdatesfr
om Aki
n.

Me:
Ican’
twai
ttoseet
hem.
I
nt hemi ddl
eofourtalki
ngthedoorfrom thecockpit
openedandIl ookedup,“what
?”Icesmiledand
winkedatme, Itri
edtostandupbutIwasst i
l
lin
pain.Cassiawalkedtowardsmeandgav emeahug,
“how?”shewi nkedatmeandt ookasipofherbeer ,
“youaskt oomanyquestions,
howar eyouf eeli
ng?
”

Me:
Conf
used.

Her
:Besi
dest
hat
?

Me:
Sor
e,r
eli
evedt
obegoi
nghome.

Isl
eptf
ort
her
estoft
het
ri
pandwokeupont
her
ide
tothehouse, I
ceturnedf rom thefrontseat,“
niceof
yout of i
nall
yjoinus.”Thesunwasup, myhear t
j
umpedwhent hegat et
oourhouseopened; Ij
ust
want edt ojumpoutoft hecarandgoseemybabi es.
Thecarcamet oahal ti
nf rontofthedoorand
Cassi ahelpedmeout ,t
hedooropenedandCece
cameout ,“Onksoi yam’ umkhuluwena! ”she
shout edandcamet ohugmeandshel ookedbehind
me, shegav emet heconcer nedlook,“uphiunyana
wam? ”Sheasked, andIknewshewast al
kingabout
Keenan.“ Hei scomingl ater;
”sherelaxedabi t
,“i
she
alr
ight ?
”Inoddedandt henshel ookedatI ceand
Kennet h,“andthem? ”

Me:
Fri
ends,
nowpl
easet
akemet
omybabi
es.

Shegav ethem alookandwal kedint

othehouse,the
restoftheguysfollowedandgotintothel
ounge.My
chil
drenwereallsleepi
ng,Iwasdisappoi
nted.ButI
al
soneededtorest;Ihadn’tgot
tenaproperrest
si
nceIl
eftf
orNigeria.Ithoughtaboutt
hat,
wasGod
puni
shi
ngmef ortakingAhunna’sli
fe?Il
etoutasigh.

Weatefoodprepar
edbyNadiaandt
henthegang
l
eft
.Icl
eanedupandchangedint
omypyjamas;I
cr
awledontot
hebedandshutmyeyes.

*
***
***
***
***
***Keenan*
***
***
***
***
***
**
Wewer eintheai randlandinginanhour ’stime, I
hadnol eadonAbebi .Whoev ertookheri sgood…
real
lygood.AndwhenIneededt heshar pestper son
Iknowont hison, buthewasnol onger .Ilooked
downandLusandawassl eepingwi t
hherheadon
myl ap,shewasshi veri
ngev enwitht hebl anketon
her.Iwasgl adIgother ,butIlostAbebi atthesame
ti
me.Idi dn’
tgetwhyAbebi l
eftwithouti nformingme
whatherpl anwi t hAhunnawas, shet rustedI cemor e
thanme.Theybar el
ykneweachot herandwer e
hardlyfr
iends, Iletoutasi gh.Iwasdeepi nthought;
may beIwast oocaughtupi nf i
ndingLusandat hatI
compl et
elyforgotaboutmyownf amily.Ifeltbad
andIf el
tli
kecr y
ing, wasitwor t
hit ?

Whatkindofaquesti
onisthatKeenan,
shei syour
fucki
ngwif
e,not
hingisworthlosi
ngher?ButIalso
owedLusandathatmuchandIki ndoff
eltl
ikeabit
ofthi
swasmyf ault
.Irememberwhenhermot her
contact
edme;shedefi
nit
elyt
houghtitwasmyfault
.
SoIhadt omakesureIf
oundher,andnowI’
m stuck
wit
houtoutawifeandanoldagehomef ul
lofsl
ave
gi
rls.

Noneoft hi
swaswhatIwant ed,andthiswasthe
reasonwhyImov edawayfrom KhenanandThando.
Ididn’
twantAbebitobeinvol
vedinthis,Iwant
edher
far!Buther
eshewasr unni
ngaroundki l
l
ingherst
ep
mom, i
fshedi
dn’
tgot henshewouldbesaf eat
home.

ComeonKeenan, youcan’tpossiblybeblamingyour
wifeforget
ti
ngabducted.Iletoutasi gh,i
fIhadn’
t
takenthosegi
rl
sthenshewoul dhav ebeensafeand
wewoul dbehappy.Ohgosh, butifLusandahadn’t
runoffandgott
enabduct ed,Iwoul dn’
thavehadto
takethosegi
rl
s.Sot hi
sisLusanda’ sfault
,butIwas
thereasonsheran.Ohmygosh…Iwasget ti
nga
headachej
ustt
hinki
ngaboutt
hiswhol
emess.

Thehousewasdar k,IcarriedLusandat ooneoft he

spar ebedr oomsandt uckedheri n,
andIl ef tthel i
ght
oni ncaseshewokeupsoshewoul dn’tbe
fri
ght ened.Iwentt ocheckonmybabi es, andt hey
wer ef astasleep.I
tseemsl i
ket heyhav egr ownal ot
sinceIl astsawt hem.Ismi ledt omy self,y etIwas
sadt hatmybabi eshadt ogof orsol ongwi thout
theirmot her.Iletoutasi gh, Ineedt osleepsoIcan
getbackt owor ktomor rowwi thacl earmi nd, andI
needt ofindher.Iwalkedi ntot hebedr oom and
straightintotheshowerwi thoutt ur
ningt hel ightson,
Iwasexhaust edandIneededt oshutmyey es.I
turnedont heshowerandst rippeddownandgoti n,
thewat erhitmynakedbodyandIj usttooki tin.I
hadmyhandsont hewal landIf aceddownandIf el
t
thet earsf il
l upi nmyey esandIdi dn’thol dthem
back.Icr iedsohar dandIf el
tmy selfletouta
scr eam andIpunchedt hewal l.Ithur tbutIdi dn’ t
car e,Icont inuedpunchi ngandcr yingf orthel ongest
ti
me.Iwasl osti nmyt hought sandcr yi
ngunt i
l Ifelt
ti
nyl itt
lehandssnaket hei rwayar oundmywai st .I
froze.Whatt hef uck?It hought , andt henIf elther
bodyagai nstmi ne.Hert inybreast swer eagai nstmy
backandIknewf r
om t her hythm ofherhear ti twas
her ;Istartedshaki ngandIl ookeddownatmy
bloodyhands.Icoul dn’tt urnaroundt of aceher ,I
j
ustwept , “hey .
”Herv oicesoundedsoangel ic, “hey…
hey …don’ tdot hat.”Shet urnedmear oundbutI
coul dn’tfaceher ,“
lookatme. ”Shepul ledmyf ace
upandshewasl ookingupatme, soaki ngweti nher
py j
amas, “hey .
”Asof tsmi l
ecr eptonherf ace, itwas
sowar m.Ist illcouldn’ tspeak, Icuppedherf aceand
Ikissedherl ipsahundr edt imes, Iwaswhi sper ing
‘
I’m sor ry
’ in-bet ween.“ ssshhhh. ”Shesai dandIj ust
wr appedmyar msar oundherandshest art
edcr y i
ng
onmyal readywetchest .West ayedi nt hatposi ti
on
forwhatf el tlikeal if
et i
met il
lthewat erst art
ed
get ti
ngcol d, webot hdi dn’ tspeak.It ur nedof ft he
wat
erandwewal
kedoutoft
heshower
.

*
***
***
***
***Abebi
***
***
***
*

Iwasf i
ndingithardtofallasleep,Ihadj ustdosed
off
.Iwasn’ tdeepinmysl eepandIhear dt hedoor
open, IthoughtIwasdr eami ngandi gnor edituntilI
heardt heshowerr unning,Keenan!Myhear twas
beati
ngf astandIsatupi nbedwai t
ingf orhimt o
fi
nishunt ilIheardascream comi ngf rom the
bathroom andt henabang.Ohgosht hismani s
goingt ohur thi
mself.Igotupf rom thebedandwent
i
ntothebat hroom.Icouldseehi mt hrought heglass
punchi ngi ntot hewal l
.Hedi dn’
tseeme, evenwhenI
openedt heshowerdoorandcal ledouthi sname, he
didn’thearme.Icl osedt hedoorbehi ndhi m and
stoodi nt heshowerget ti
ngwet .Therewasbl ood
every wher eandIdi dn’ tknowwhatt odoorsay ,I
wr appedmyar msar oundhi swai standhef r
oze.He
didn’tstopcr ying,Ihadt ot r
ycal minghi m down,
“Hey …don’ tdot his.”Isai dtohi mt urninghim
around.Myhear tbrokebecausehecoul dn’tev en
l
ookatme, “ l
ookatme, ”Isaidpul l
inghi sheadup,
“hey.”Isai dsmi li
ngupathi m.Hest il
ldidn’
tsay
any t
hingbuthehel dmyf aceandst art
edki ssingme
overandov eragai n, hekeptapol ogising.Wehel d
eachot herunt i
lthewat erstartedget ti
ngcol d; he
swi t
chedof ftheshowerandl edusout .Hehel ped
meoutofmypy jamasandi ntoar obeandat owel
formyhai r, hedi dthesameandwewentt ot he
bedr oom.Isatont hebedandhel ookedatmei n
disbelief,“how? ”Ishr ugged, “I
ce.”

Hi
m:Buthei
s…
Me:
Dead?
[
11/
23,
18:
16]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode137

Hi
m:Buthei
s…

Me:
Dead?

HenoddedandIshookmyhead, “whydi dn’

thetell
me. ”Ishrugged,“didtheyhurtyou? ”Ishookmy
head, “
arey ousure? ”Inodded,“babyIam sosor ry.
”
Iletoutasi gh,“
It’
sov ernow.”Hel ookedatme,
“pleaseforgiveme, Ifail
edyou.”Ididn’tknowwhat
tosayt othat,Iknowhet ri
edbuthedi dn’ tt
ry
enoughbecausehewasdi str
acted.Distractedby
Lusanda, butIdidn’tsaythatbecauseIcoul dal
ready
seehowgui lt
yhewasandhewasgenui nelysorr
y
andconcer ned.“Iknowy outri
ed,thanky ou.”Hesat
downnextt ome, “Iloveyousomuch, ”hesai dand
kissedmyl i
ps.“ AndIl ov ey ou,”Isai dki ssinghi m
back.Hedeepenedt heki ssandIpul ledaway ,
“ you
needt oshav e, youl ookl i
keacav eman. ”Hel aughed,
“Thechi cksdi git,I’mt hinkingofkeepi ngi t
.”Igav e
himt hel ook, “chicksuhm? ”heki ssedme, “woah,
ndi yadlala.Andi f
unemant ombazanamna, ndifuna
wenawedwa. ”Ilov ei twhenhespeaksXhosa, ev en
thoughsomet i
mesIdon’ tknowwhathemean, “
Now
comet odaddy .
”Hepi ckedmeupandputmeonhi s
l
api nast raddl i
ngposi tion, “
I’m nev erl etti
ngy ouout
ofmysi ght ,ever.”Heki ssedmyl ips, “yev a?”I
blushedandInodded, “nev er!”hesai dki ssingmeal l
ov er,“stop! ”Hedi dn’tst opandIt riedt of r
eemy sel f
andheendedupont opofme, wewer eey etoey e.I
feltmyhear tbeatr ace, andal lthehai rsonmybody
stoodup, “Ilov eyouAbebi Kel l
yAdebay o…Il ov ey ou
wit hall myhear t
.Idon’ twantt oev erl osey ou,I
woul ddiewi thouty ou.Iwi llnev ernegl ecty ouagai n;
Ipr omi seIwi llnev erputy ourl i
feindanger .Iwi l
l
alway spr otecty ou, andev er ytimey ouneedmeI
will al
way sbet heref ory ou.Nomat terhowbusyI
am, Idon’ tcar e.Al lyouneedt odoi sj ustshout i
ng,
andI ’
llcomer unning.Youar emyev ery t
hing.”Idi dn’t
reali
seIwasnowi nt earsandsowashe, t
henext
thi
ngIf el
twashi m ent eri
ngmeandIgasped.He
wassobi gandhest oppedwhenhesawt hel ookof
paininmyey es,“arey ouok? ”Inodded, heki ssed
me, “Ilovey ou.”Hest art
edmov i
ngsl owl yinsi deof
me, andIhadadj ustedt ohi ssizeandourbodi es
wer emov i
ngi nsy nc, “
Ilovey out oo.”Hedi dn’tbr eak
thegaze, If el
tmybui l
dupandhewascomi ngt oo.
Het ookmyonehandov ermyheadwhi lemyot her
wasonhi sasspul li
nghi m deeperi ntome.If elthis
hotbr eathonmyneckandIcussed, “fuck!”hewas
suckingonmyneckandhi spacewasi ncreasi ng.He
l
iftedof fmeandwasbal ancingonhi shands,
“baby …”hesai dt hrustinghar dintome, sendi ng
shockwav esthroughmybodyandIexpl odedandhe
wasn’ tfarbehindme.If elthiswar mj uicesf illmeup,
Iwasshaki ngandhi sbodywasst i
llsti
f f
.He
twitchedandt henr elaxedf loppingont opofme.He
wasbr eathingfast ,almostpant i
ng, “
fuckbabyI
missedy ou.”
Wemusthav ef allenasl eepint hatposi ti
onbecause
Iwokeup, andhi sl egwasov erme, It r
iedt omov e
buthewasn’ tbudgi ng.“Keenan, ”Ishookhi m, buthe
wasoutcol d.Iev ent uall
ygotupf rom underhi m and
tookashower ;Ilefthiml ikethatandcheckedonmy
babies.Theycansl eep, Iwassur pri
sedact ually.But
Imissedt hem, butIwant edt omakebr eakfastf ir
st
beforewaki ngt hem up.Iwal keddownst airsandi t
wassmel l
ingl i
kesomeonehadbeatmet ot he
kit
chen, IguessCecebeatmet oi t
.Iwal kedi ntot he
kit
chenandf oundLusandai nherunder wearand
oneofKeenan’ spy jamat ops.Shewasdanci ng
aroundandshef rozewhenshesawme, “hi
.”Isai d
asIwal kedt ot hef ridge,shel ookedconf used,
“morning.”Wasal lshesai dandshecont i
nuedt o
cook, l
uckil
yt hebuzzerwentof fbef oreIcoul dsay
anything,“Hello…I ’l
l buzzy oui n.”Ipr essedt he
buzzerandpour edmyj uice,“I’m Abebi .
”Shel ooked
atme, “
Lusanda. ”Inodded, “
Iknow, didy ousl eep
well?”shenodded, “shouldIgety ousomecl ot hes?”
shelookeddownather self,“
y ouwor kher e?”I
chuckled,
wasn’ tthi
sgi r
ldr
uggedoutl i
ket
woday s
ago?Andl uckil
yThandowal kedin,“heymumm- ”
shefroze,“uhm, am Iint
err
uptingsomet hi
ng?”she
gavemet hel ook,Iroll
edmyey esandshookmy
head,“howar ey ou?”shecameandshehuggedme,
shegav emeaki ssandsatdown, “andwhoisyour
fr
iend?”shesai dthatlooki
ngatLusanda.

Me:
Thi
sisLusanda,
uhm Keenan’
sfr
iend.

Thando:
andshedoesn’
thav
eanycl
othes.

Andt hatwasdi rect

edatLusanda, whodi dn’
tgivea
singlefl
yingfuckandi gnoredup.“ MustIgety oua
drink,It
hinkbr eakfastwillbereadysoon. ”Lusanda
turnedaroundandl ookedatmel ikeIsai d
somet hi
ngwr ong, “
Ionlymadeenoughf ormeand
Keenan.”Iwant edtolaugh, t
hisgirlmustst i
l
lbehigh,
Thandot il
tedherhead, “y
oudi ddidn’ty ou?”she
l
aughedget t
ingupf r
om herchai rtakingapi eceof
baconst rai
ghtf rom thepan, “
Iguessy oushoul d
startmaki ngmor e.
”Shetookabi t
eandsatback
down, “
tellmei twasn’tadream.”Ceceshout edas
shebar gedi ntotheKi t
chenandshef roze,
“Lusanda. ”Shel ookedatmeandbackather ,
“Ubekway intoniapha?”sheasked, andLusanda
wal kedupt oherandhuggedher ,“auntCece, I’
ve
mi ssedy ou.”Cecedi dn’
tseem veryplease, “i
ngaba
unxi bentoni?Thi si
snoty ourhouse,hay intombi
nxiba.”Shet ookherscar fandhandedi ttoLusanda,
“thisisanot herwoman’ shouseandy ouneedt o
respectt hat.”shelookedatCece,“Kodwa…”

Cece:kodwant oni
?HayiLusanda,
respectsi
si.Your
motherdidn’
traiseyoul
i
ket hi
s.

Shedroppedthescar
fandst ormedoutoft heroom,
Thandojustl
aughedoutloud,“I
’l
lhity
ou.”Cece
repr
imanded,“
Comeher e.”Iwalkedaroundtoher
andsheengulfedmeinahug!“ I’
m sohappyy ou’
re
back, don’ty ouev erdot hatt omeagai nyouhearme!
Don’ tdothatt oKeenan, hewoul dn’tsurvi
vewi thout
you, andlet’snotgetst art
edont hosethree
blessingsupst air
s.Youhearme? ”Inodded, she
pulledaway .“Didt heyhurty ou?”Ishookmyhead,
“sitdownl etmef i
xy ousomet hingt oeat.
”She
l
ookedatt hepot s, “
wast hisLusanda? ”Inodded,
“nxa, t
hatgir l
.”Shet hrewt hef oodi nthebin,Thando
j
ustgav emeal ook, shewasn’ tgoi ngtoletthisone
go, “whyar ey out hrowingt hataway ?”Cecelooked
atus, “whof eedsy ouhusband? ”shesai dlookingat
Thando, shewasconf used, “
Ido. ”

Cece:
Andwhyi
sthat
?

Thando:Becauset
heyl
ovemyf
ood,
Iam achef
aft
erall
.

Cece:AndifKhenan’sexwif
ewasachefand
cookedjustaswellasyou?Woul
dyoulethi
m eat
that
?
Thando:
No.

Cece:
andwhyi
sthat
?

Thando:Lor
dknowswhatshewoul
dputi
nmy
man’sfood.

Cece:
Exact
ly.

Me:Whywoul
dyoucompar
eLusandat
oKhenan’
s
exwi
fe?

Cecegav
emet he‘real
ly
’look,andshestar
tedwith
herf
ood,“
Cece?”andshest ar
tedhummi ngtotal
l
y
i
gnori
ngme.RightthenKeenanwalkedin,“hey
family.”Hest oodatt hedoorl ookingal lsexy ; hewas
j
ustinj ogger sandsl ippers.Hest retchedand
yawnedr ubbinghi sheadandt henscr atchedhead.
Nobodyspoke, “what ’sgoi ngon? ”hewal kedt oCece
andki ssedhercheekandshepushedhi m away ,he
l
ookedatus.Webot hshr uggedasi fwehadpl anned
thi
s.Heki ssedThandoandcamet omel ast ,hemad
mest andandhuggedme.Hesl i
ghtlypi ckedmeup
andIf elthismanhoodhar den,andheki ssedmy
neck.“ Youj ustleftmel ikethat?”hewhi sper edi nmy
earandIf eltmy selfgetweti nstantly,heputme
downandki ssedmyl ipslikewewer et heonl yones
i
nt her oom.Whenhepul l
edawayIf eltdi zzy,“Ican’t
fi
ndt hatt opy ougotmef ormybi rthday .”Ilookedat
him,“y ouknow, thatwhi teone.Wantt ohel pmel ook
forit
.”Oh…t hatt ookmeawhi le,“
I’l
lber i
ghtup. ”He
walkedoutoft hekitchenandThandogav emet he
l
ook, Igav ehert hemi ddl efi
ngerbef orewal kingout .
Ihalfranupt hest airs, whenIopenedt hedoort othe
bedroom Keenanpul ledmei nandsl ammedme
againstdoorwi thhi shadbehi ndmyheadt oensur eI
don’tgethur t
.Hesmashedhi sli
psonmi neand
l
ift
edmeup, Iwrappedmyl egsaroundhi swai stand
grabbedont ohisbar earmst ouchinghismuscl es,
asheki ssedmehungr i
ly.Hishandwasmov ing
alongmybut tandev entuallylandedonmyf ountain
andIwasf l
owingl ikether i
verNi l
e.Hemov edhi s
l
ipst omyearandt omyneck, hewaspl ayi
ngar ound
withmypeachandIf el
tmyf i
rstbuil
dupandIcame
sohar dsquirt
ingal loverhim.Ihear dhim chuckl ea
bit,
andnextt hinghewasi nme.Hedi dn’thav eme
againstthedoor ,Iwasnowi ntheairandhewas
poundinghar dintomewi t
honehandar oundmy
waistandt heot herli
fti
ngmyl egov erhisshoul der.
Myhandswer ear oundhi sneck, ensuringIdon’ tfal
l.

KeenandidanumberonmeandIwasont hebed
feeli
ngnumbf rom thewaistdown,Idi
dn’teven
attemptget
tingup.Hecl eanedmeupandchanged
hispantswhilelooki
ngatmeandshaki nghishead,
“l
ookwhaty oudi d.
”Ilookedathi
m shock,“me?How
i
st hi
sallmyf ault
?”
Hi
m:You’
ret
hesqui
rt
eri
nther
oom.

Me:y
ouf
etchedmef
rom t
heki
tchen,
youaskedf
or
i
t.

Hi
m:Ify
ouhadn’
tleftmeinbedal
onet
henI
woul
dn’
thav
ehadt odothat
.

If
oldedmyarms,
“I’
m hungr
y.”AndIpout
ed.He
ki
ssedmyli
psandleftmeintheroom.
*
***
***
***Keenan*
***
***
***
***

Iwalkedi ntotheki t
chenandf oundThandowi th
Cecest il
ltalki
ngov erdirtydi
shes, “
that’snotthetop
Abebi boughty ouf oryourbirt
hday .
”Shel aughed
andCecegi ggledabi t
,“leavethem, theymi ssed
eachot her.”Iroll
edmyey esandt ookt hedirty
dishestot hedi shwasherandl oadedi t
.

Thando:
Lusandauhm?

IlookedatherandbackatCece, “youknowt hi
sisa
shittyi
deari
ght?
”Igr abbedabeerf rom thefri
dge,
“i
st her
eanybreakfastleft
, mywifeisstarvi
ng.”
Thandot ookasipofhercof fee,
“youtoldher?”I
l
ookedatCecewhot urnedtomeshocked, “
what?
Lucywaswal ki
ngar oundt hehousenaked, whatdi
d
youexpectmet odo? ”
Me:
I’
ll
deal
wit
hit
.

Cece:Bydeali
ngwi
thi
tIhopey
oumeanki
cki
ngher
outthehouse.

Me:
Shehasbeent
hroughal
ot.

Thando:andsohasAbebi
,whati
syourpoi
nt?Shei
s
yourwif
egoddammit!

Me:Thandot
her
eisnoneedtoshoutatme,
I’
m
t
ryi
ngtodother
ightt
hingher
e.

Cece:
You’r
etaki
ngbl
amef
orsomet
hingt
hati
sn’
t
evenyourf
aul
t.

Me:
Herf
atherdoesn’
tthi
nkt
hat
.
Cece:
Shei
sbacksaf
e,nowt
akeherbackt
ohi
m
andhewi
ll
behappy.

Me:
Idon’
tthi
nkIcanf
acehi
m.

Thando:Youdon’
thaveto,
Cecewillr
etur
nbackwi
th
herwhenshegoesbackhome.andunt i
lthenI
suggestyoubookheri
ntoarehab.

Me:
uhm,
I’
ll
see.

Cece:
Ther
eyougoagai
n,y
oudon’
tli
sten!

IwarmedupAbebi
’
sfoodandItookitt
oherleavi
ng
theset
woint
hekit
chen.Iwentt
otheroom and
foundAbebi dr
yinghersel
f ,
“whosadI ’
m donewith
you?”shelookedupandr oll
edherey es,“t
odayI’
m
spendingthedaywi t
hmybabi es.”Il
ookedather,
“I
’my ourbabytoo.”Sheputonherr obeandwesat
atthetableandate,“baby?”Ilookedupwhi let
aking
asipofmycof fee.Iputthecupdown, “yesmylov e.
”
Idon’tknowwhybutIj ustfeltnervous.

Her
:Lusanda.

Me:
Whatabouther
?

Her
:Howl
ongwi
l
lshebest
ayi
ngher
e?

Me:
til
lCecel
eav
es,
she’
l
ltakeherhomewi
th.

Her:Sheneedst
ogoseeadoctor,andmaybeev
en
arehab.Shewasn’
tgoodwhenIsawher.
Il
etoutasi
ghofr
eli
ef,
“you’
reagoodper
son.Iwi
l
l
dothat
.”

Her:
Canyoupl
easet
ell
hert
oputonsomecl
othes
whenshei
swalki
ngar
oundMYhouse?

Oh,If
eltt
hesti
ngin‘my
’andIqui
ckl
ynodded,
“and
i
fshedoesn’
thaveanyIwoul
dbemor et
hanwil
li
ng
t
ogethersome.Sinceminewon’
tfi
t.
”

SeeLusandawast al
l,j
ustabitshorterthanmeand
shewascurvy,bi
gass.Shehadt i
tsforday s,
andmy
Abebiwaspeti
t.Every
thingsmallandi nproporti
on,
“t
hatwouldbeniceofy oubaby.”Isaidbiti
ngthe
pieceoft
oastavoi
dinganyf ur
therquestions,but
nopenotmywife.Shet
ookasi
pofhercof
fee,
“so
whydidn’
tyout
ellme?”

Me:
About
?

Her
:AboutLusanda?

Me:
Iwasj
ustst
ress.

Her
:Oh.

Me:
What
?

Her:I
t’
sjustt
hatyou’
veneverment
ionedherbef
ore
andthenboom sheiswal
ki
ngaroundlikesheowns
thepl
ace.

Me:
I’
ll
tal
ktoherabouti
t.
Her
:That
’snott
hepoi
nt.

Me:
Whati
sthepoi
ntt
henAbby
?

Her:Thepoi
nti
sthaty
ouhav
ehidherfr
om mefor
year
sandIwanttoknowwhy?WhydoesCecet
hink
sheistr
oubl
e?

Me:
Cecesai
dthat
?

Her
:Isshel
i
keanol
dgi
rl
fr
iend?

Iletoutasigh,
“yessheis.
”Shel
ookedupatme,
“wast hatsodi
ffi
cul
t?”
Me:
Ther
eismor
e.

Her
:sor
rywhat
?Whatmor
e?

Me:
Iwassupposedt
omar
ryher
.

Abebiputdownhercupandfol
dedherar
ms,
“baby
…”Ibegged,“Goon.
”Il
etoutasi
gh,“she
comesfrom roy
alt
ysomewhat…”

Her
:and?

Me:
Ibr
okeherv
irgi
nit
y.
Abebi justlookedatme, “
thenshewassai dtomar r
y
somepr inceguy ,butt hentheyfoundoutshewasno
l
ongerpur eandt heguyst oppedtheweddi ng.That
waswhenherf at hersummonedmet othekingdom,
andhet oldmeIhav etomar ryher.
”Ididn’tsay
anythingatt het i
me, myuncl epromisedt heking
thatwewoul dreturnandpaydowr yforher .
”My
heartwasbeat ingf astandIlookedatAbebi who
wasl isteningattentivelyt
owhatIwassay i
ng.I
start
edagai n,“
ont hewayhomeIt oldmyuncl ethat
Idon’tlov eherandIdon’ twanttomar ryher,buthe
saidithadt obedone.I twastradi
ti
onandal lt
hat
rubbish.”

Her
:Yousl
eptwi
thherbuty
oudi
dn’
tlov
eher
?

Me:Wewereyoung,andshewantedtobr
eakher
vi
rgi
nit
y.Wehadbeenbestfr
iendsf
orasl
ongasI
r
ememberandshewant edmet odoit
.
Her
:Andshedidnotknowthatt
heper
sonwho
t
akesherpur
it
yneedstowedher?

Fuck,Abebi wasn’tmakingthisawalkintheparkf
or
me,“shedi d.
”Herey eswidenandshewasshocked,
“di
dy ouknow? ”Ishookmyheadv i
gor
ously,
“I
wouldn’thavesleptwithherifIknew.”

Her
:Soshewant
edtomar
ryy
oual
lal
ong?Soshe
wasinl
ovewi
thyou?

Me:
Yeah,
andt
hat
’swhenIr
an.

Her
:Ran?

Me:
Yeah,
toCuba.
Shef
roze,
“soIwasy
ourr
ebound?
”

Me:No,wewereneverinar
elat
ionshi
p,comeon
baby
.it
’snotl
i
kethat.

Her
:Whathappenednext
?

Me:AfterIlef
t,sheleftal
so.Shewasadisgraceto
herfamil
yandshedi dn’
twanttofacet
hemusi c.I
heardfr
om herf at
herandImanagedt otr
ackher
down.I’
vebeenmaki ngsureshe’
sokfrom a
di
stance,unti
lRamzi happened.

Her
:Soal
ltheti
mewe’
ret
oget
hery
ou’
rebusy
wat
chi
ngher?
Me:Abebi
,youmakeitseem badwhenyouputiti
n.
Iwasj
ustchecki
nguponher, Inev
err
eal
lyspoketo
her
.

Her:NoitisbadKeenan, becauseIam youwifeand

thi
sissomet hi
ngIdeservetoknow.Youli
edtome,
andifIdidn’taskyou,youweregoingtocont
inueto
l
ietome.Thi si
sthereasonwhyRamzi tookmei n
thefi
rstplace.

Me:
IknowandIf
eel
badasi
s.

Her:Ifyouwerenotr unni
ngaroundaf terherthen
Ramz iwasn’tgoingt ogetmeKeenan, doy ou
underst
andt hat.yourmi ndwasf ocusedony our
l
itt
legir
lfr
iendthaty ouforgotaboutyourwi fe.You
couldn’
tsav emef rom Ramzi becausey ouwer e
bl
indedbyher .
Shestoodup, “Iwantheroutofmyhouse. ”Istood
upandf acedher ,
“ babyjusttwoweeks.”Hereyes
openedwi der,“
arey oubar gai
ningwit
hme? ”ok,I
havenev erseenAbebi thisangry,“
babyno,I’
mj ust
aski
ngy out ounder st
and.Shehasbeenal onefora
yearhookedondr ugsand”

Her
:andar
ehabwi
l
lsui
therj
ustf
ine.

Me:
Abebi
you’
rebei
ngunr
easonabl
e.

Shechuckl
ed,“
unreasonabl
e?”shewal
kedint
othe
cl
osetandIfol
lowedher,“
Abebipl
easecanwetal
k
aboutt
his.
”Shestoppedwhatshewasdoingand
l
ookedatme, “
Keenandon’tmakemecommi t
homici
de,gett
hatgir
loutofmyhouse.I
fsheishere
bytheti
meIgetback…sohelpy ouGod.
”Iscrat
ched
myheadi ndef
eat,
Iwatchedherget
ti
ngdressedand
shewalkedoutofthebedr
oom.
[
11/
23,
18:
17]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode138

(Aspromi
sed;Si
hleNkomothisisdedi
cat
edt
oyou!
!
Thankyoufort
hesupport
.You'r
eadarl )

*
***
***
***
***
***Abebi
***
***
***
***
**

Keenanwaspl ayi
ng,
hedoesn’tknowmeobviousl
y,
andIcheckedonmybabi esandaskedNadi
at o
watchthem forawhil
e.Ineededsomefr
eshair
befor
eIkil
ledsomeone.
Itwaschi l
l
youtandIhadl eftmyphoneandwal let,
it
wasmi ddayandIhadn’ tf
ini
shedmybr eakfast.I
washungr y,Idr
ov etoThando.IbuzzedandLakhi we
openedf orme,“heychamp, isyourmom home? ”he
shookhi shead, “butdadisint hestudy.
”Andt hen
hewal kedof fanddi sappearedintothehouse.I
walkedi ntothekitchenandopenedt hefridge,and
foundwhatIassumedt obel astni
ght’
slef t
overs.I
warmedupt helambandt hepot at
oes,Iopeneda
bottl
eofwi neandIat eintheki t
chen.Af ewmi nutes
l
aterKhenanwal kedi nandlookedar ound, “
shei sn’
t
here.
”

Him:Oh,whyar
eyousi
tt
ingi
nmyki
tchenby
your
sel
f?

Me:
I’
m hungr
y.
Hi
m:Nof
oodaty
ourhouse?

Me:
Ineededt
obeal
one.

Hegrabbedabeerfrom thefri
dgeandsatnextt
o
me,“
troubl
einparadise?
”Iletoutasi
ghandnodded,
“
whathasthati
diotdonenow? ”

Ilookedathi m andIwantedtocry,“Hey…what’
s
wr ong?”Ijustl
etthem al
lout,“
Hay i
,Abbyyou’
re
scaringmenow.Di dhecheat?”Ishookmyhead,
“kindof.”Khenanlookedatme, “Abebi
,Keenancan
beal otoft hi
ngs…butgirl
s..
.never.
”

Me:
It’
sLusanda.
Hi
m:What
?

Me:
Soy
ouknowabouther
?I’
mtheonl
yidi
ot.

Hi
m:Abebi
,youknowhedoesn’
tlov
eherr
ight
?

Me:Idon’
tknowt
hat
.She’
swal
ki
ngar
oundmy
housenaked.

Hi
m:I
t’
sal
lonesi
ded,
hef
eel
snot
hingf
orher
.

Me:Sowhyissheatt
hehouseaf
terIaskedhi
mto
t
ell
hert
oleave?
Hel etoutanotherdeepsi
gh,“Abebihefeel
sguil
ty
thatthi
swhol ethi
ngishisfaul
t.I
fhehadn’tdone
whathedi dthennoneoft hi
swoul dbehappeni
ng
andhewant stori
ghthiswrong.”

Me:Andt
heonl
ywayt
odot
hati
sbymar
ryi
ngher
r
ight
?

Him:Yes,butmaybehet hi
nksthati
fhebri
ngsher
backinonepiecethenherfat
herwil
lfor
giv
ehim.

Me:
Andi
fhedoesn’
tfor
giv
ehi
m;whatt
hen?

Ok,ev
enKhenandidn’
tknowhowtoanswerthat
quest
ion,
“Idon’
tknowAbi,
andIwi
shIdidbutI
don’
t.
”
Me: WhatmustIdo?Lett
hewomanwhoi sinlove
withmyhusbandstayi
nourhouse?Imustgiv
eher
thechancet
oseducehim unt
ilheev
ent
uall
ybreaks
andgivesi
n?

Him:Andifyourunawayy ou’r
eleav
ingthem i
nthat
housetoget
her,whatdoy out hi
nkwil
lhappen.I
don’
tthi
nkitwil
lbediff
icultforhert
ogett ohi
mif
you’
reoutoftheway.

Me:
It’
shar
dKhenan.

Him:Iknowbuty ouhav etofight!Look,t

hisisa
shi
ttysi
tuationyou’rei
nandf uckit’
sgoingtobej ust
ashardtogetoutofi t
.Butrunningawaywi l
lnot
sol
veany t
hing,youhav echildrenandt hi
sisy our
husband,yourfami l
y,yourli
fe…ar eyougoingt o
walkawayf rom thatbecauseofsomet hi
ngt hat
happenedy earsagobef oreyouev enmetKeenan?
Me:
whatmustIdo?

Hi
m:Youst
ayandf
ight
.

Me:
Wit
hheri
nthehouse?

Hi
m:Hel
lyeah,
sheneedst
oknowwhosehousei
tis.

Itookadeepbr eath,“Abebiyou’
recapableoft hat.I
f
youcanputabul l
etthroughtheskullofthewoman
thatraisedyou.Theny oucandoany thi
ng.”
Someonecl appedt hei
rhands,“youwer edoingso
wellunt i
lyoument ionedherkil
li
ngherst epmot her.
”
Thandosai dwal ki
ngi ntotheki
tchen.Khenansmi l
ed
andl ookedguilt
y ,
“howl onghavey oubeenst anding
there?”
Thando:Longenought
oknowt
haty
ou’
rer
ight
,and
fuckedupatthesameti
me.

Me:
soy
ouagr
eewi
thhi
m?

Thando: Yeah,don’tr
un, l
ookwhathappenedt ome
whenIr an?I’
m backher e.Youchaset heproblem
outofy ourli
ves,andnott heotherwayaround.
List
en,ifKeenanchasest hatgirloutoft
hehouse
andsomet hi
nghappenst oher, hewil
lbl
amey oufor
therestofhislif
e.Hewi llhat
ehi msel
fandy ou.And
Idon’tt
hinky ouwantt hat…

Khenan:
youneedt
ogohomebabe.

Theywereri
ght;
Ipi
ckeduphi
sphoneandt
ext
ed
KeenanandaskedKhenant
odri
veme.Thewi
ne
waswor ki
ngandThandohadt ogobacktoher
rest
aurant
.Keenanwast ooexci
tedt
oseemeand
hecouldn’
tst
opt hanki
ngme.Iwasn’tf
eel
ing
exci
tedaboutthi
satallandIhadabadfeeli
ngabout
i
t.

Ispenttheaf
ter
nooncooki
ngsupperaft
erwar
dsI
spentsometimewit
hmybabiesuntil
thei
rfat
hergot
back.

Wehadav eryawkwar ddinner,

butatleastLusanda
wasdressedt hi
stime.Nobodyspokeunt i
lKeenan
cl
earedhisthroat,
“Nadiacany ougiveussome
pr
ivacy?
”Shequi cklygotupwi t
hherplateand
di
sappearedintothekitchen.Keenantookasipof
hi
sbeer,Iknewt henthathewant edtohav ea
seri
oustalkandaddr essthesituat i
onwhi chwas
verydif
fi
cultforhim.Keenanhat esconf l
ictandhe
hateshavingtoputpeopl eintheirplace,orhur t
ing
thei
rfeeli
ngs.Ifi
twer eupt ohim, everyonewoul d
l
iveinahappywor ldwithrai
nbowsandcupcakes,
j
okingandl aughing.Iguessthatiswher ewear ethe
samebecause; I
’
m notaconf rontationalper son
eit
her.

Itoppedupmygl assandev eryonel ookedathi m,

“Uhm, Ishoul dhav edonet hisearli
er ,
butyah.”He
scratchedhi shead, “Lusandat hisismywi fe,Abebi.
Abebi ,Lusanda. ”Lusandaj ustgav emet heblank
l
ook, thenKeenant urnedt ofaceme, “Baby,Lusanda
willbest ayingher efort woweeks, aswe
discussed. ”Hesai dt hatner v
ousl y
, al
mostt otestif
wewer est i
llont hesamepage, andInodded.“ And
thenaf terthat,Lusanday ouwi ll
gobackhomewi t
h
Cece.”Lusanda’ sey espoppedup, “
What ?”she
l
ookedatKeenan, “i
nt woweekst i
mey ouwillgo
backwi thCece, wewi l
lhav esomeonecomi ngt ot
he
houset otalktoy ouaboutwhathappened.Andt ry
hel
pingyouthr
oughi
t.Thatwi
llt
ake10day
s,and
aft
erthaty
oushoul
dbef i
ttogohome.”

Lusanda:
Andi
fI’
m notf
itenough?

Keenan:
Thenwecanarrangefort
hedoctort
ocome
homewithyouandt
reatyoufr
om ther
e.

Lusanda:
andwher
ewi
l
lyoube?

Keenan:
Her
ewi
thmyf
ami
l
y.

Lusanda:
You’
regoi
ngt
omakemef
acet
hatman
al
one?

Ther
ewassi
l
encei
nther
oom;
Cecehadn’
tsai
d
anythingt hiswhol etimeshewasj ustwat chi
ngas
thi
st hingpl ayedout .Keenanscr atchedhishead
again,“look, wheny ouar rivehome, I
’l
lsendmy
uncl
est opaydamagest heweekendaf t
er.Thereis
noneedf ormet obet here.”Hetookasi pofhisbeer;
Idi
dn’ tmi ndhi m payingdamagesf orher.Afteral
l
hedidbr eakherv ir
gini t
y.Shestartedcryi
ngandI
sawKeenansof t
eningup, hewasaboutt oopenhi s
mout handCecei nterrupted,“Ul
i
lelantoniLusanda?”
shelookedatCece, “ youknowt hatman, he’l
lkil
l
me.”

Cece:
Andhowdoescr
yinghel
p?

Lusanda:
Idon’
twantt
ogoback.

Cece:
Wher
edoy
ouwantt
ogo?

Lusanda:
Iwantt
ost
ayher
e.
Cecestoodupandcl appedherhandsonceplaci
ng
herhandsonherhips,“hehe…stayhere?I
nanother
woman’shouse…hay isanauphambeneny ani
!Uziv
a
kakhuhl
e?Ihaveagoodmi ndofstar
ti
ngmycarand
dri
vingyouhomethisinstant
.”

Lusanda:
Idi
dn’
tdot
hist
omy
sel
f.

Cece:
Arey
ousay
ingmysonf
orcedhi
msel
fony
ou?

Shelookeddown, “
no.”Ceceeventual
lysatdown,
“pho?Wher ei
stheproblem?”shecalmeddown,
“thi
shappenedyearsago,yourfat
herhasf orgott
en
aboutitandispr
obablyworri
edsickabouty ou.And
you’r
esitt
ingher
ebehav i
ngli
keahi ghschool chi
ld,
gr
owupman!
”

Lusanda:
Iam apr
incess.

Cece:
Wel
lmay
bey
oushoul
dhav
ebehav
edl
i
keone.

Witht hatCecegotupandwal kedaway ,Lusanda

wasgi v i
ngKeenanpuppydogey es.Iwaswai t
ingto
hearwhathewoul dsay ,
“Ok,nowt hattheshowi s
over,
”hi sfacet urnedhar d.“
Yourdoct orwillbehere
tomor rowy ouneedt ober eadyat10am ev eryday.
Nadiat akescar eoft hehousesoy oushoul dnot
worryaboutt hat,butthatalsodoesn’ tmeany ou’
re
atahol idayresor t
.”Hewasi nter
ruptedbyher ,
“Luzuko,”shewhi mper ed.Keenant ookadeep
breathe, “
Abebi isthewomanoft hehouse; youwill
showhert her espectthatshedeser v
es.IfIhearthat
youar ebei ngdiffi
cult,Iwil
lnotthinktwiceabout
putt
ingyouonabusbackhome.”Tearsst
art
ed
str
eamingdownherf
ace,“
Luzukoplease.
”

Keenanwasf i
ghtinghi semot ionshereandt hey
tookov er,hel ower edhi svoiceandr eachedf orher
hand, “Lusandat hisi smyl i
fenow.Youcannot
makemesuf ferforwhathappenedwhenwer e
chil
dren.Ihav eawi fethatIlovedear l
yandt hree
beautiful children;Icannotgi veyouwhaty ouwant .
Nothinghaschanged, Ileftbecausey ouwant ed
mor ethanIcoul dof f
er,andy ou’r
edoingi tagain.
Now, youneedt oacceptt hatAbebiownsmyhear t
,
oryougobackhomet hisinstant.
”Shewasnoddi ng
ashespoke, “I
’m sor ry.
”Hest oodupandwentt o
crouchi nf rontofher .Hehuggedherandwas
rubbingherback, “ don’tcry,i
t’
snotthatbad.Your
parentsar ehappyt hatyou’resafeandt heypr obably
havef or gottenaboutt heev entsofthepast .”

Shehadhi
ccupsnow,“canIgoli
edown? ”Keenan
st
oodupandhelpedherup,“y
eah,getsomer est
we’llseey ouinthemor ning.
”Shewal kedoutofthe
dini
ngr oom andupt hestair
s;Keenansatdownand
sighed,“thankyou.”Isaidholdi
nghishand, hedidn’t
sayany thingbutgulpeddownhi sbeer .Af
terawhi l
e
hest oodup, snatchi
nghishandf rom me,“I’
m going
foradr i
ve, don’
twaitup.”Andhel ef
tme…Thef uck!!

*
***
***
***
***
***Keenan*
***
***
***
***
***
***

Idon’
tknowwhybutIfeltbadforthat
,I’
m sure
Abebihat
esmerightnow.ThingisI’
veknown
Lusandamywholeli
fe,andseei
nghercr yand
vul
nerabl
eli
ket
hatgott ome.She’snevercri
ed,I
meanev er.She’
salwaysbeenat oughone,and
that
’swhyIwassof ondofher.Shewasoneoft he
guysandwegotal ongwell.Iknowthetypeofman
herfat
heris,andIam putt
ingherinati
ghtspot…but
i
tneedst obedone.

Idrovet oKhenan’ shouseandIwasgr eetedby

Khany i
, “
ohl ookwhof inall
ydeci dedt ov i
sit?”Igav e
herthel ook, thi
schildhasamout honher , butI
mustadmi tIhav ebeennegl ect i
nghersi nceImov ed
out.“Youandme, i
ceskat i
ngonSat urday.”She
smilesandcomest ohugme, “canIbr ingmy
fri
end? ”Igiv ehertheshockedl ook, “whycompl ain
then?”shel aughs,“Tomakey ouf eelguilt
y…dadi s
i
nt hest udy ,I’
ll
seey ouSat urday.Andbr i
ngy our
creditcard; youhav eal otofmaki ngupt odo. ”She
runsof f,Ishakemyheadandmakemywayt ot he
study.Khenani ssitti
ngathi sdeskwi thhisgl asses
on,“reall
y ?”hel ooksupatmeandshr ugs,“ What ?
”I
rol
lmyeyesandpourmy
sel
fadr
ink,
“whatar
eyou
doi
ng?”

Hi
m:Wor
k,whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?

Me:
Ineededsomeai
r.

Hi
m:Air
?Youl
eftAbebii
nthehousewit
hyourol
d
f
uckbuddy
?Howy outhi
nkthatwi
ll
end?

Me:
Ispoket
oher
.

Hetookoffhi
sglassesandli
stenedasifIwasgoi
ng
togi
vehim aj
uicystor
y,“
and?”Iletoutasi
gh,“
I
don’
tknow,If
eelbad.”
Hi
m:Forwhat
?Whathappenedexact
ly?

Me: It
oldLusandashehastorespectAbby
,andt
hat
I
’m sendingherhomewithCece.

Hi
m:Good.

Me:Youweren’
tther
eman.Cecewental
lcr
azyon
herandshewascryi
ng.

Hi
m:Whywasshecr
ying?

Me:
Shedoesn’
twantt
ogoback.

Hi
m:Whatdoesshewantt
odo?

Me:
Tost
ayher
e.
Hi
m:Wi
thy
ou?

Inodded,
hel
aughed,
“I’
m gl
ady
ouf
indi
tfunny
.”

Hi
m:Yout
hinkshest
il
ll
ovesy
ou?

Me:
Yeah,
andIt
hinkAbebi
canseet
hatt
oo.

Hi
m:anddoy
oul
oveher
?

Me:
Likemysi
ster
.

Hi
m:Youdon’
twantt
otapt
hatass?

Me:
Khenanpl
ease.
Hi
m:Ij
ustwantt
omakesur
e,sowhatnow?

Me:Idon’
tknow,
li
kewhenshest
art
edcr
yingIf
elt
sobad.

Hi
m:Forwhatexact
ly?

Me:
Ilef
ther
.

Him:Theywantedy outomar r
yherKeenan,doyou
under
standthat.at17year
s,youwer egoi
ngtobe
someone’shusband?You’veonlybeenmarri
edfor
whatanhour,how’sthatworki
ngout?

Me:
Don’
tbeanass.

Hi
m: whatI
’mtry
ingtosayisyouwer
en’tgoi
ngt obe
agoodhusbandtoher,
plusyoudi
dn’
tloveher.You
woul
dbemi
ser
abl
e.

Me:
Idon’
tknowwhatt
odoKay
.

Him:Honestl
y,Isaysendherbackhomet omorr
ow
andpaydamages.Idon’tseeanygoodcomi ngf
rom
thi
s,sheseemsliketr
oubl
efrom whatIhear.

Me:
Shest
il
lhast
orecov
er.

Hi
m:Fr
om what
?

Me:
From Ramzi
.

Him:Idon’
tthi
nkshewasaf
fect
edmuchbythat
,
shewouldn’
tbetr
yingt
opur
sueanot
herwoman’
s
manifshewas.
Me:
shei
sn’
ttr
yingt
opur
sueme.

Hi
m: Wal
kingar
oundhal
fnaked?Want
ingt
ost
ay…
whatdoyoucal
lthat
?

Me:
shei
smyf
ri
end.

Him:andthati
sbli
ndi
ngyou,andify
oudon’tdo
anyt
hingabouti
t,i
tmi
ghtcostyouyourwi
fe.

Me:
Abebi
woul
dnev
erl
eav
eme.

Hi
m:Andwhydoy
ousayso?

Me:
Shel
ovesmet
oomuch.

Him:Haha…sometimesl
ovei
snotenough.Thisgi
rl
hasal
readyputadr
if
tbet
weenyout
wo.Thel onger
sheisi
nthathousethewidert
hedri
ftwi
ll
get
bet
weenyouandy ourwif
e.Sendherhomeman.

Iknewhewasr i
ght,butIcoul dn’
tbringmy sel
fto
doingi t
.What ’
stwoweeks, Icanhandl et hi
s.We
spokesomemor euntilhi
sphoner ang, “hihoney…
yeah( l
augh)alri
ghtI’l
ltel
lhim…goodni ghtsweety.”
Hel ookedupatme, “yourwi feneedsy ouhome
now. ”Iletoutasighandt ookt helastofmydr ink
andst oodup, “
seey ou,SaturdayI’mt akingKhany i
skating.”Henoddedandwal kedmeout .

WhenIgothomeAbebi
wasi
nbed,
“hey
.”Shesai
d
asIentered,
Istr
ippedandgoti
ntobedwi
thher
,“ar
e
youok?”Ipull
edhercloset
omeandputheronmy
chest
,“Iam now.”

Thenextcoupleofday swer egood; Ispentthem at

homewi thmyf amily
.Thandocal l
edonFr i
daynight
tocanceliceskati
ngwi t
hKhany i
,shehadt hefl
uand
wasinbed.Somydaywascancel l
ed.Abebi andthe
kidsweregoingtothezoo, Idi
dn’tunder st
andbutI
l
etthem be.WhenIof feredtojoi
nt hem, Iwastoldi
t
wasa‘ gi
rl
’sday’.

Thehousewasqui
etwi
thev
ery
onegone;
sheev
en
tookNadi awi t
hher .Imadeasandwi ch, Igr abbeda
beerandt ooki ttot hest udy.AssoonasIopened
thelaptopIhadt onsofemai lsfloodingi n.whydi dI
evendot his,Istaredatt hescr eenwhi l
eeat ing
contempl atingonwhet herornott oact uallywor k.
ThedooropenedandLusandawal kedi n,“ar eyou
busy ?
”Il ookedather ,“youdi dn’tgot ot hezoo? ”she
l
aughed, “zoo?Real l
y,y oushoul dknowmebet ter
thanthat .”shewal kedt owar dsmydesk; shewas
wear i
ngapai rofbum shor tsandanov ersizedl azy
vest.Shewasn’ twear ingabr a;Icouldseehersi de
boob.“ WhatcanIdof ory ouLusanda? ”Icl earmy
throat,“
wasbor ed,sowant edt oseewhaty ou’re
doing.”Shewal kedbehi ndmychai randt ouchedmy
shoulders, Itensedup, “what ’swr ong? ”sheasked,
“nothi
ng, ”Iclearedmyt hroatagai n, “
you’ ret ense.”
Shest artedr ubbingmyshoul ders,massagi ngme.
“Doest hatf eelgood? ”Sheaskedr ightinmyear !
Fuck,Iwenthar d…Keenanwhati swr ongwi t
hy ou.
Herhandmadei t
swaydownmychestandst omach
andshet ouchedmymanhood, “Lusanda! ”Igr abbed
herhand, shegi ggled; “wantmet otakecar eoft hat
foryou? ”Sheki ssedmyneck, Istoodup, “getout .
”
Thatcameoutal mostasashout ;shel ookedatme
shockedandscar ed,“ISAIDOUT! !
”Shehal franout
ofthestudy,Iwasbr eathi
ngheav y.Keenanget
yoursel
ftogether,y
oust upidman!Ipour eda
whiskeyandt ookitallbackatonce, andanotherone.
Iwasstil
lhard,andIcoul dn’
tgetthei mageofher
outofmymi nd…Idiall
edAbebi ,“
heydaddy .
”Guil
t
consumedme, “heybabe, arey
ouguy shavingfun?”

Her
:Yeah,
missusal
ready
?

Me:Yeah,
I’
mthi
nki
ngofgoi
ngt
oseeMi
ke.I
’
m
bor
ed.

Her:
goahead,
don’tdr
inkt
oomuch.Ihav
ea
sur
pri
sef
oruslat
er.

Me:
Whati
sit
?
Her
:Asur
pri
se,
Igot
tago.

Me:
Ilov
eyousosomuch.

Her
:Ok,
mwa.

Shecutt hephoneandIst i
lldidn’tfeel bett
er .I
grabbedmykey sandheadedout .Ispentt her estof
thedaywi thMikeunti
lIconfirmedt hatAbebi was
homeandIwentback.If oundheri nt hekitchenwi th
Lusanda; t
heywerepackinggr oceriesandhav inga
youngchat .Myheartstart
edbeat i
ngf asterandI
wonder edwhatLusandahadt oldher .Igrabbeda
beerfrom thefr
idgeandsatdown, “howwast he
zoo?”Isippedmydr i
nkandl istent oAbebi tell
me
aboutit.Iwastryi
ngbyal l
meanst oav oidanyey e
contactwithLusanda;shewasnowi njeansanda
roundneckt ee…Ihadf l
ashesofherear li
er,
“Keenan…babe. ”Isnappedoutofit,“
hi.
”Ilookedat
Abebi,“uhm?”sheshookherhead, “youcompl etely
zonedout .
”Shegi ggl
edandLusandal aughedt oo,I
l
ookedi nherdirecti
onandshewi nkedatme.I
quickl
ylookedbackatAbebi ,
“whatwer ey ousay i
ng
myl ove?”sheroll
edhereyes,“
dinnertonight.
”

Me:
Ok,
wher
e?

Her
:What
’sgot
teni
ntoy
ou?

Me:
Sor
ry,
Ijustneedt
oli
edown.

Her
:Al
ri
ght
,ourr
eser
vat
ioni
sfor7pm.Lookni
ce.

It
hrewt
heempt
ybot
tl
eint
hebi
nandheadedt
omy
r
oom.

It’
s6pm andI ’
m st andingatt hebot tom oft hest ai
rs,
“Babyl etsgo!!”Ilookedatmywat ch,“5mi nutes.”
Thiswomant hough, “
yousai dt hat15mi nut esago!!
Ifyou’renother ei n30secondsI ’
m…. ”Ifrozeand
l
ookedatmywi f
e.Shewal keddownt hest airsina
nudel eatherdr ess;itwassot ightli
keasecondl ayer
ofskin.Herwai stissot i
ny;youcoul dnev ersayshe
gav ebirt
ht otripletsaf ewmont hsback.Her
cleavagewasshowi ngandIj ustwant edt odi vein
there,fuckmywi feishot.It’
sal mostl i
keshewas
walkinginsl owmot i
onwi thherhai rcurledbounci ng
offhershoul der swi t
heachst epshet ook.Shehad
redlipsti
ckandhermakeupwasonpoi nt .
Shef i
nall
yr eachedme, “
I’
mr eady.
”Shesai d,“Baby …
i
…y ou…”shebl ushed,“youlookgorgeous.”AndI
madehert urnaroundandspankedherass, “
Ican’ t
waittogetback. ”Iwashar dasar ock,andIwant ed
tohaveherr i
ghtthereandt hen.“
Wherear ey ouguy s
going?”Lusandawal kedinasIwasdr ooli
ngal lov er
mywi fe,“
di nner…let’
sgobabe. ”Isai
d,“Bye
Lusanda,”Abebi saidasshemadeherwayt othe
door,Ifol
lowedhert henstoppedwhenLusanda
spankedmyass.Il ookedather,shewinkedand
walkedaway .

Lor
dwhyme?
?
[
11/
23,
18:
17]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode139

*
***
***Nar
rat
ed
Keenanhasn’
tbeenabl
etot
akehi
sey
esof
fhert
he
wholeti
me;hekept
st
eal
ingki
ssesast
heydrov
etoPi
gal
l
e.Thi
spl
ace
wasbeaut
if
ul,
thev
alet
openedAbebi
’
sdoorandKeenanwasal
readyt
her
e,
“Igoti
t.
”Hesai
dto
thepoorguy,whopr
oceededt
othedr
iver
’sseat
.He
heldherhand
hel
pingheroutthever
ylowJ50,
hehadout
done
hi
mselftoni
ght.He
hasn’
tdri
ventheFer
rar
isi
ncehegoti
t,andt
oni
ght
hefel
ttheneedto
appar
entl
yaft
erseei
ngAbbywal
kdownt
hosest
air
s.
“Di
dItel
lyouhow
gorgeousyoulook?”heaskedasheputhi
shandon
thesmallofherback
l
eadi
ngheri
nside.Thegentl
emanatt
hedoor
gr
eet
edthem andledthem
tothei
rtabl
e,andtheywer
eseat
edandhav
inga
glassofwinewhil
e
deci
dingwhattoeat
.Keenanl
ookedather
,“sowhat
i
stheoccasion?”
Sheshookherheadsmi
l
ing,
“Ij
ustt
houghty
ou
deser
vethi
s.You’
ve
beensowonderful
especi
all
ywi
tht
hesi
tuat
ionat
hand.You’
ret
ryi
ngto
makeev ery onehappyandIt hinky oudeserv
et he
same.”Hesmi ledandast ingofgui l
t.I
fonl
yshe
knew,hel etoutasi gh,"Ilovey ousomuchAbebi ,
wordscan' tev endescr ibe."Shesmi l
edshyly
towardshi m, "Iknow."Sher esponded, "Andthat'
s
whyIwanti goty outhis."Shesl i
daboxov erthe
tabl
eathi m, hesmi l
edandopened, i
twasaBr eguet
andFilewat ch.Hel ookedathershocked, "
babyI
can'
texceptt his.
"Hesai dclosi ngtheboxand
pushi
ngi tbackt owar dsher ."Youcanandy ouwill
sheresponded.Hel etoutasi gh.
Abebi
:tr
yiton.
Hesmil
edandwashesi t
ant,"
Iwantt oeat,sonow
woul
dbegood! "Hejustl
aughedshaki ngherhead,
hesl
idi
tonandcl i
ppedit.I
tfitperfect
lyandhe
coul
dn'
tcontai
nhishappiness,"Ihopey oudi
dn'
tuse
mychil
dren'
sinher
it
anceont his!"
Shel
etoutal
aughandshookherhead.
Theyhadar omant
iceveni
ngandl
atert
hatni
ght
Keenanshowedherexactl
yhowmuchhe
appreci
atedher
.

*
***
*Keenan*
***

Iwokeupf eelingfresh,damnAbebi .Fuckt hat

womani smagi chethoughtwhi letakingashower .
Shewasst il
linbed, aft
erlastnightIdon' texpecther
uptil
lafter12h00.Imademywayt ot hebabi es'
room.Itsmel tofbabypowderandl ot i
on,Iwal ked
overtoChi oke'sbed.Hewast r
yingt osuckhi stoe
thumbandf aili
ngmi serably."
Heybuddy ,whyar e
youup? ?"Ipickedhi m upandhest artedgi ggling.He
smeltsof resh, Nadiawasamazi ng.Wewal kedov er
tohisbrother'scotandhewasasl eepandwhyam I
surpr
ised.Hi ssi st
erwasn'tinhercot ,butIhear dthe
waterandknewshewasget ti
ngherbat h."Wanna
saygoodmor ningtosissy??Let '
sgo. "Wewal ked
i
ntotheirensui tandf oundLusandawashi ngmy
daughter,Iletoutmybr eathslowly,"Lusanda? "
Her
:mor
ningdaddy
..
.lookwho'
sher
e.Sayhel
l
o.
Me:
whati
sthi
s??
Her
:I'
m helpi
ngout
,aft
erever
ythi
ngy
ouhav
edone
f
orme...I
t'
sthel
eastIcoul
ddo.

Sheli
ftedmydaught erfr
om theli
ttl
etuband
wrappedherinatowel ,
"thankyou,Iappr
eci
atei
t.
Butli
keIexplai
nedNadi aisheretohelpout
,soi
s
Cecesot hi
sisn'
tnecessary."
Lusanda:wel
lIwasbored,andmaybeNadianeeds
somer est
.Tr
ipl
etsar
en'tt
hateasyyouknow.
Me:
butshecanhandl
eit
..
.al
ongwi
thmeandAbby
.
Her
:Iwon'
tdoany
thi
ngt
oyourbabi
es.
Me:
hmmm.
..
Her:y
oudon'tt
rustme,
wel
lyoushoul
d.They
'l
lbe
minesoonenough.
Me: y
ousee nowyou'
retal
ki
ngcrazy.
..t
hisi
s
exactl
yther
easonwhyIdon'
twantyounearthem.
Her
:buty
ouwantmeneary
ou.
Me:
you'
resi
ck.
Her
:that
'snotwhaty
ousai
dint
hest
udy
..
.
Me:
not
hinghappened.
Her:
reall
y.
..Icoul
dhavesworny
ourdi
ckwashar
d..
.
i
t'
sgottenbiggerf
rom t
heti
meIremember
.
Me:
Lusa-
Sheputherf ingeronmyl ips,"sshhhdaddy,Iwon't
tel
li
fy oudon't."Shethenki ssedmyl ipsandwal ked
toatt
endmydaught er.RightthenNadi awalkedin
andfroze, "
sorrysir.
"Iletoutasi gh,"
comei n,It
hink
Lusandacoul duset hehel p..
."Igavehermyson
andwal kedout .Isatoutsidehav ingacigar
ette.
..
nxathisgirli
sf ucki
ngar ound! !Sheevengotme
smoking...nxa!!

*
***
**Abebi
***
*

Ihadjustgot
tenup,andIheardact i
vi
tyonthebaby
monit
or .Mybabi
esareupi thoughttomyselfunt
ilI
hear
dKeenant al
ki
ng.Ipickedupt heminut
esand
wenti
ntothecl
osetsonobodycat
chesme.
..what
t
hehell
!!
??

Iwasf uming,butli
kealway sIdidn'twantt oact
crazywithoutanyproof.Iputt hemoni t
orbackand
cleanedupt heroom beforetakingashower .
Downst ai
rstherewasbuzzi ngwhenIev ent uall
ygot
there."
Andwhat 'sgoi
ngon? "IaskedKeenanwho
hadbabybagswi thhi
m.Hesmi led,"
mor ningbaby .
"
Igotonmyt oesandkissedhi m, "Wherear ey ou
goingwi t
hmybabi es??"Igav ehimt heey e,"Thando
want stoseethem forabit."
Me:
andy
ouwer
en'
tgoi
ngt
otel
lme?
?
Hi
m: It
houghty
ou'
dbeasl
eepf
oral
i
ttl
ewhi
l
e
l
onger.
Me:
I'
ll
leti
tsl
i
debecauseofl
astni
ght
.

Iwinkedathi
mt henspankedhi
sassasIwal ked
i
ntothekit
chen,"I
'
mt aki
ngNadiawith!
!"Heshouted
fr
om thedoor.Ij
usti
gnoredhi
m, Lusandawalked
i
ntothekit
chen.Sheseemedhappy,"
good
morning.
..
"If
akedasmi l
e,"
hi,
arey
ougood??
"
Her
:coul
dn'
tbebet
ter
.
Me:ohl
ookwhogoti
tal
lthismorni
ng.
..ski
pinyour
st
epandasmil
eonyou'
reface.Wantt
oshare??
Her
:notr
eal
l
y..
.Idon'
twantt
oji
nxany
thi
ng.
..
Me:
oh.
..wel
lIhopei
tal
lgoeswel
l
...

Shewast ooexci
tedformyli
kingsoIhadyopopher
bubble,
"haveyouspokentoyourfat
her
?"Herf
ace
changedimmediatel
y,Idi
dahappydanceinmy
head.
Her
:no.
..whydoy
ouask?
?
Me:becausey
ou'
regoi
nghomei
n..
.yum what
..
.4
day
s.

Sheclearedhert
hroat
,"t
omorrowisyourl
ast
sessi
onr i
ght?
?"Shenodded,"
itwoul
dbeagood
i
deatol ett
hefol
ksknowy ou'
recomingbackhome.
"
Her
:yeahIguess.
Me:
letmegetmyphone,
wecandoi
tri
ghtnow.

Luckil
yf orherthebuzzerwentof f,
"that'
sthe
doctor.
"Shej umpedupt oopen.Nxat hisbit
chgot
somenev er.Shewentout ,myphonebeeped.Gosh
soearlyint hemorning.Igrabbeditfrom t
hecount er
andouti nmypat tern.Itwasincorr
ect,Itr
iedagain
andnot hing.Fewmor et i
mesunt i
lIhadexceeded
myt ri
es...Gosh,i
twasKeenan' sphone.Iwai tedthe
20secondsbef or
eent eri
nghispattern,Ir
eadhi s
messageandi twasf rom Mike.Seemedur gent.I
cal
ledmynumber ,"
Yousav edmynameasKeenan. .
.
WOW."Il aughed.
Me:
whatshoul
ditbe?
?
Hi
m:Hubby
,Myl
i
ve.
..myhear
t.
..myl
i
fe.
Me:
whatever
,stopbei
ngababy
..
.Pl
easecal
lMi
ke.
Hej
ustsentatext
.
Hi
m:say
ing?
Me:
9am.
..KP2.Seemski
ndai
mpor
tant
.
Hi
m:shi
t.
..I
'
lldr
optheki
dsof
fwi
thThandoandwi
l
l
pi
ckt
hem upinanhour.
Me:
don'
twor
ryI
'
llgett
hem,
Iknowanhourt
oyou.
Hi
m:y
ou'
ret
hebest
.I'
l
lcal
lfr
om y
ourl
i
ne.
Me:
cool
..
.dr
ivesaf
e.
Hi
m:l
ovey
out
oo.

Icutthecal
landlaughed,Isi
ppedi nmycof feeand
anothermessagecamei n.Shi
t,hepr obablyhasn't
cal
ledMikeback.Iopeneditandi twasapi ctur
eof
Lusandainatowel ,
andanothermessageofher
l
ookinginthetowel.Asecondlater,afullnude...
i
checkedthehist
oryandtherewasnoconv ersati
on
betweenthem before.
Thi
sgir
lwast
est
ingme,
Idi
aledI
ce,
"Andhef
inal
l
y
cal
l
s."
Me:
ohshutup,
Ineedaf
avour
.
Hi
m:goodmor
ning.
.
Me:
I'
m sendi
ngy
ouanumber
,Iwantt
hehi
stor
y
bet
weent
henumberandKeenan'
sli
ne.
Hi
m:andwhyam Idoi
ngt
hisagai
n??
Me:becausey
ou'
reagoodper
sonanddon'
twantt
o
seeahappyhomebroken.
Hi
m:wai
twhydoy
ouhav
ehi
sphone?
?
Me:
het
ookmi
neacci
dent
all
y.
Hi
m:andy
ouhackedhi
spasswor
d?
Me:
no.
..Iknowi
t.
Hi
m:t
hent
hehi
stor
yisal
lther
e.
Me:
arey
ougoi
ngt
ohel
pmeornow.

Hel
etoutasi
gh,
"I'
l
lcal
lyoui
n30.
"Ismi
l
ed,
"You'
re
t
hebest
."
It
ookt
hephonewi
thmet
othest
udy
..
.
Iopenedthecomput erandwentst r
aightf
orthe
surv
eil
lancefoot
age...Il
ookedthroughwhathas
beenhappeningsincewecamebackf r
om I
tal
y.
..
andthereitwas.
..thi
sgirlt
rynaseducemyhusband.
Isawt hespankf rom lastni ght .Whatt hehel l..
.Iwas
furi
oust osayt heleast..
.Keenankeptt hisf rom me,
hewaspr otectinghery etagai nandt histimei twas
i
nmyhouse.Ohhe' l
lno, Idi dn' treali
set hatIhad
tearsst r
eami ngdownmyey es, Iwipedt hem qui ckly
ast hephoner ang.ItwasI ce, "hey .
"Ianswer ed
tryi
nghar dt obenor mal ,"Beb. ..what '
swr ong? ?"I
sniffed,"Hey ,it'
sclean, hei sn' tdoingany thingapar t
from af ewmessagesf rom t hismor ning...(hel etout
asi gh)whi chIassumey ousawbecausey ouhav e
hisphone. "Isobbed, "thanks. ..we' l
ltalk.
"Icutt he
phonebef orehecoul dev ensayany t
hing.Asmuch
asI ceandIhav ebecomesor toff ri
endsaf terf i
nding
outwhathappenedt omyf at her ,thi
swast oomuch
andIcoul dn'texpresshowIf elttohim.Isatt here
forawhi l
et hinkingwhatt odoandhowt ohandl e
thissituation.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Iwokeupwhenitwasdarkout
side,
shi
tmybabi
es.I
cal
l
edThando,
"Keenan.
..
"
Me:
it'
sme.
Her:hey
,I'
vebeent
yingtogetahol
dofy
oubuty
our
phoneistaki
ngmetov oi
cemail
.
Her
:ar
eyouok?
Me:
I'
m good,
doy
oumi
ndi
fIGeor
gebabi
es
t
omorr
ow??
Her
:no,
butwhat
'
swr
ong?
?
Me:
we'
l
ltal
kwhenIseey
ou.
Her
:ar
eyousur
eyoudon'
twantmet
ocomeov
er?
Me:
I'
mfi
neThando.
..t
hanky
ou.
Her
:al
ri
ghtbabe,
wil
ltal
ktoy
out
omor
row.
IcheckedKeenan'
sphoneandther
eweret onsof
mi ssedcal
l
sandmessages.Somefrom peopleI
didn'tev
enknow.Idi
dn'
tbot
herwit
hevenr epl
ying
andIt ookashower .WhenIgotdownst air
sCece
washav i
ngcof feeandcakewhi l
ewat chi
ngthe
Kardashians.Shel ookedatmeanddi dn'tsay
anything,Iwalkedtot heki
tchenandcheckedt he
warmer .IfoundMacandcheeseandwar meditupa
bitthensatatt hetablewith2beers.Shewalkedin,
"Andt helongface? "Shesatdownacr ossme.Ijust
shruggedandcont inuedtoeat."
Whatdi dshedo
now? ?"
Il
ookedather
,"shest
il
lwant
shi
m."
Her
:weal
lknowt
hat
.Butdoeshewanther
??
Me:
no.
Her
:sowher
eist
hepr
obl
em?
?
Me:
whyi
shenott
ell
i
ngher
?
Her
:hedoesn'
twantt
oherherf
eel
i
ngs.
Me:
Andmyf
eel
i
ngs?

Shekeptqui
et,
Ishowedhert
hepict
ures.Shewas
mort
ifi
ed,"
andwhatdi
dhesay?"
Me:
hehasn'
tseent
hem.

Shel ookedconf usedandIexplain.Wet al

kedabout
herandt heirpast,Cecewasnowdr i
nkingwi neand
shewashel l
atipsy.Shewasgi vi
ngmeadv iceon
howt obest rongandal l
.Iwasn'thear i
ngit,Iwanted
togoupt hereandkickherass.Butt hatwast he
alcohol speaking,Itoowaskindofdr unk.Cece
call
edi tani ghtandIwentt othest udyandwat ched
thevideoov erandov eragai
n.

Itwasmor ni
ngandKeenanwasst i
llj
otback,oneof
themessagesonhi sphonedi dsayhewoul dbe
backlat e.Ihadaci garetteont heporchandwent
upstairs,whenIwenti ntomybedr oom Ihearda
dooropen.Iknewi twasn' tCecebecauseafterlast
nightshewoul dn'
tbeupt hisearl
y.Istoodbymy
bedroom doorl i
stening.Thent hebabies'
bedroom
dooropenedandIwal kedt her
e.IfoundLusandai n
alongdr esswithadoekonherhead, "
And?"Iasked
standingi nthedoor way .Shegotaf ri
ghtbuttri
ed
hidi
ngit,"
uhm..
.you'
reup?"Igaveherthelook,so
areyou."Shel
ookedguil
tyofsomething,"
Ijust
thoughtI'
dhel
pbaththebabies.
"
Me:
theyar
en'
ther
e.
Her
:oh.
..I
'
llmakebr
eakf
astt
hen.
Me:
oh,t
hatwoul
dbegr
eat
..
.yourmanwi
l
lbeback
i
nafewhour
s.

Shedidn'
trespondandIl eftherjuststandingther
e.I
gottomyr oom andtookacol dshower ,t
healcohol
wasstil
linmysy stem butIfeltawake.Ifound
LusandaIt heki
tchen,"smellsgood."Therewasway
toomuchf oodforjustthefourofus.ButIkeptqui et
andgotabeerf r
om thef r
idge, t
hisshouldhelpwith
thi
sli
ttl
ehangov er.
Igrabbedaf ewblackbagsandl ef
thertocook,I
gottoherr oom andopenedmybeerwi thmyteet
h.
Howhadt hischi
ldgott
ensomuchcl ot
hesandshe
wasonl ygonnabeher efort
woweeks?Ipacked
everyt
hingintheblackbags,t
wower efulandt
he
otherhadhershoes.Idroppedthem f
rom thet
opof
thest airs, onehi tthesmal l t
ableandt hev asebr oke
ontot hef l
oor .Thatseemedt ogetev er y
one' s
attention, thef rontdoorf lewopenwi thKeenan
runningi nlooki ngwor ried.Hedi dn'tcomebackl ast
night,hel ookedatme, "
babyar ey ouok?Ihear d
glassbr eak. "Iignoredhi m andt hrewt helastbag
down, "somuchnoi sesoear l
yint hemor ning."Cece
saidcomi ngoutherr oom hol dingherhead.I
i
gnor edev eryoneandwal keddownt hest airs
sippingonmybeer ,"Ab- "Keenanst artedandIshot
himt heey eandhequi cklykeptqui et.Oneoft he
bagshadpoppedopenandhercl otheswer eallover
thef l
oor ,"whatar ey oudoi ngwi t
hmycl othes? "And
thenmyphoner ang, Wel l Keenan' sphone, "hell
o...
.
oht hat'sgr eat..
.comi ng. "Icutt hecal landl ookedt o
Keenan, "cany oul oadt hesebagsi nthecar ?"He
didn'tev enaskanyquest ionsandst arteddoi ng
whatIasked." You. .
.t akeof fmyapr onandgetout
ofmyhouse. "Shel ookedatmewi thherey eswide
open, "I'
m notl eav i
ng. "It iltedmeheadt ot heside
andl ookedatherconf used, "di
dIaskaquest i
on? "
Shef oldedherar ms, oht hi sgirlwast empt i
ngme. ..
i
nmyownhouse.It ookasi pofmybeerandwal ked
towar dsher ..
.Igrabbedherarmt ry i
ngt opullherout
bitshewoul dn'tbudge.
.shewasmuchbi ggerthan
mebutIwasn' tgoingtostop.Islappedheracr oss
herface, itstungonmyhandandshei mmedi atel
y
turnedr edandl i
ft
edherhandt osl apback, "t
ouch
herIdar ey ou."IheardCecespeakbehi ndme.She
putherhanddown, "
thecabwi l
ltakey ouback
home. ..itwasni cemeetingyou."Kt ur nedtowal k
away ,"I'
m notgoi nganywhere."Ilookedatherand
l
aughed, Keenanwal kedinwithIcet hist i
me.
"Keenanpl easeescortyourfr
iendt ot hecab...
"he
hesitated,"Ice?"

Keenan:
ok.
..Lusandal
et'
sgo?
Lusanda:
no.
Keenan:
whathappened?
?

Hesaidthatlooki
ngatme,Ithr
ewtheemptybot
tl
e
athi
m andheducked, "
Isai
dgethert
hefuckoutof
myhouse!!"
Voice:
Sheisn'tgoi
ngany
wher
e,t
hati
snowayt
o
speaktoaprincess!
!
[
11/
23,
18:
18]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode140

Ther oom wentsi lent ;

Lusandast artedcr yi
ngand
rani ntoherfather ’
sar ms, “ssssshh…i t
’sal r
ight .
Daddyi sherebaby .”Her ubbedherbackandt heyl et
goaf terawhile,“Luzuko. ”Hesai dtoKeenan,
“mol weni tat
a, ni
njani ?”hedi dn’tevenbot hert o
answerhi m,“wi l
lyounoti nviteusi n?”wewer eall
standi ngatthef oy er;Keenanl ookedatme, “ please
thisway .
”Hei ndicat edandl edt hem tot helounge,
“comechi ld,
wehav et omaket ea.”Cecesai d.We
wal kedt otheki t
chenandf oundt onsoff oodandi t
allclickednow, t
hisgi rlknewherf atherwascomi ng,
Iwonderwhatshehasuphersl eeves.Wemadet ea
andser vedthem, theki ngwasher ewi t
ht woot her
men.Keenanwassi tti
ngont hecouchf acinghi m,
andLusandawasont hesi de.Weser vedt het eaand
Isatdownnextt oKeenanl ookingatt heki ng, “you’re
Luzuko’ swi f
e.”Islowl ynod, “ t
hatiscor rect.
”
Hi
m:andy
ouknowwhyIam her
eri
ght
.
Me:
BecauseLusandaaskedy
out
ocomeIassume.
Hi
m:Cheeky
,butno.I
t’
sbecausey
ourhusband
br
oket
herul
esandhenowhast omakethingsr
ight
.
Me:Iam awar
eofthat
,andli
kewehaddiscussed
wi
thLusanda;
Keenanwil
lsendhi
suncl
esnextweek
t
ocomepaydamages.
Hi
m:Andl
obol
a?
Me:
Whatabouti
t?

KeenansqueezedmyhandandIgav ehimthelook,
“what?
”hel ookedattheking,“
wit
hallduer
espect
sir
,Iam notmar r
yingyourdaught
er.
”
King:
Iwasn’
taski
ng,
iti
str
adi
ti
onandi
twon’
tst
op
now.
Me:I
t’syourtradi
ti
on,
andwhyi
sitt
hatonl
yKeenan
hastosuffer
?WasLusandanott
heonewhoopened
herl
egsforhim?
Hi
m:Wat
chhowy
out
alkt
omey
ounggi
rl
.
Me: Thi
sismyhouse,y
oulef
ty ourki
ngdom and
peoplebackhome.Soyouwatchhowy outal
ktome
here.
Him:Keenanar
eyougoi
ngt
olety
ourwi
fet
alkt
ome
l
iket
hat.
Keenan:Wi
thallduer
espectsi
r,It
oldyouthismany
year
sagoandI ’
vetol
dLusandaoverandov er.I
don’
tlov
eher;Idon’
twanttobeherhusband.
Hi
m:Thenwehav
etodoar
it
ual
.
Me:
Rit
ual
?
Cece:
Hay
iSenzo,
rit
ual
forwhatnow?
Hi
m:weneedt
otal
ktot
heancest
orsaboutt
his.
Me:
Yourancest
ors,
whyi
sKeenani
nvol
vedi
nthat
?
Cece:Hay
ithisr ubbi
sh,youcanseethatthese
chi
ldr
endon’tlov eeachother
.Theyfool
edar ound
l
ongtimeago; theboysaidhewi l
lpaymanje?
Hi
m:Andt
hechi
l
d?

Weal
ll
ookedathi
m notknowi
ngwhatt
osay
,“…
andiva?”Ceceasked, Keenant i
ght enhi sgriponmy
handasIt ri
edtotakeitaway .“
Keenany ouhav e
broughtshamet othi
sf amil
yandy ouhav etodo
ri
ghtbyt hepr i
ncess.
”Thatwast hel astthingIheard,
Iwasst aringoutthewindowwat chingt her ai
n.I
total
lyzonedout ,“
Abby …”Ilookedt of acehi m and
tearsstreameddownmyf ace,“i
si ttrue?”heshook
hishead, “i
t’
sthefir
stI’
m hear i
ngoft hi
s.”Iturned
andl ookedattheking,“whereist hisbaby ?”
Ki
ng:
att
heki
ngdom.
Me:
Weneedt
oseehi
m,andgett
het
est
sdone.
Ki
ng:
Onl
yoncet
hel
obol
amoneyhasbeenpai
d.
Me: andyouexpectust ot akeyourwordfori
t?
Lusandar anafterKeenanandshehasbeen
avoidi
ngy ouev ersi
nce,nowy ou’
regoingtotel
lme
thatallt
hesey earsyouhav ebeenstayi
ngwithhis
chil
d?Andy oucoul dn’
ttel
l hi
m al
ltheseyear
s?How
oldisthi
schild?Nxa…
Ki
ng:
howdar
eyouquest
ionme?
Me:Howdar
eyoucomei
ntomyhouseandt
alksuch
shi
t?
Cece:
Abe-
Me:
NoCece,
no.t
heyneedt
oleav
e,now.

Istoodupandwal kedofftothekitchen,
andcr ied
myey esout .Aftersomet i
meIgat her
edmy selfand
headedback, “I’
l
l paythelobola…justsoIgett osee
mychi l
d.”Icouldn’tbeli
evemyear s,“
what?
”t hat
cameoutasawhi sper
.Het urnedaroundandst ood
up,“baby..
.”Ili
ft
edmyhand, “
don’tbabyme…”I
tur
nedar oundgr abbingmycarkey sandranoutt o
thecaranddr oveof f.

*
***
***
***
**Keenan

Fuck,whati
sgoingon…Lusandahadababy ?No,
howcomeIdi dn’
tknow?Whydi dn’tshesayall t
his
ti
me?Istoodinthedoor wayandwat chedAbebi
driv
eoff;
Iranbacki nsi
deandgrabbedmykey s,
“youcan’
tdri
veinthatstate.
”Hewasr ightandI
handedhimthekey s,weranouttothecarwi t
hKi ng
Senzoshout ingafterus.I cespedof fandwewer en’
t
seeingherany where, Icheckedmyphonef ort hecar
tr
acker ,
“downVi ctoriaroad…hur r
y .”Shecan’ tbe
alonenow, wewer eabout100met ersawayf rom
herandshewasn’ tslowi ngdown.Wewer e
approachi ngar obotandt hatwoul dhel pcloset he
gap, t
her obotwasr ed.Ijumpedoutt hecarandr an
tohercar ,“comeonAbebi ,l
etst alkabouti t…j ust
pulloverandwewi llsortt hi
sshi tout .”Shewasn’ t
sayingany thing…Iwassoaki ngwetandt herobot
changedandshet ookof f,Itur
nedbackt oIceand
heardscr eechingandgl assbr eaki ng.IseeAbebi ’
s
carbeinghi tbyanSUVandsmashedi ntoat axi and
shei ssandwi ched.Ir unt owardst hecar“ callan
ambul ance,”Isayshout i
ngt othepeopl ewhoar e
watching, “Abebi.
”Theguywhowasdr i
vi
ngt heSUV
staggersoutandhol dhishead, “issheokay ?”he
asksconcer ned.Iwal kar oundt hecar sandt herei s
nowayf ormet ogett oher .
Shei
sn’
tmovinginsi
dethecarandIcanseesome
bl
oodonherhead.Thenthecarst
art
ssmoki ng…no
nono.t
heambulancegetsther
e,I
ceistr
yingtocal
m
medownbutIkeepshout i
ngatt hem.Ineedto
makesur eshei sal
ive;I
’
mt hreateni
ngtokil
l
everyoneinvol
vedifsomethinghappenst oher
.Ice
pull
smeawayf rom thescene,“youneedtocalm
down. ”It
akehishandof fme, “
calm down?Didyou
seewhatj usthappened?”
I
ce:Sheisoutoft
hecar
;theyar
etaki
nghert
othe
hospi
tal
.
Me:
I’
mri
dingwi
thher
.
I
ce:
Idon’
tthi
nkt
hat
’sagoodi
dea.Comenow.

Weareatt hehospi
tal
,andtheyareoperati
ngonher
.
IwaspacingupanddownandIcoul dn’ttakei
t
anymore,
“I’l
lberi
ghtback…call
mei ft
her ei
sany
news.
”Icestoodup,“whereareyougoing?”
Me:
Tosor
toutt
hismess.
Hi
m:Keenan,
yout
hinkt
hati
sagoodi
dea?
Me:
Bestideaever
,Ishoul
dhav
eli
stenedt
oAbebi
in
t
hebegi
nning.
Iwal kedoutwi thIceshout ingaf terme, andIt otall
y
i
gnor edhi m.Igott othehousesoaki ngwet , t
hey
wer eal l stil
lint helounge.Iwal kedt ot hest udyand
openedt hesaf eandheadedbackt ot hel ounge,
“Luzuko, whathappened? ”Ithr ewt hemoneybagon
hislap, “getoutofmyhouse, therear ey our
damagesandIdon’ teverwantt oseeorhearf rom
youagai n.”Lusandal ookedshocked; shest oodup
andcamet ome, “
Luzuko.”Shesai dhol dingmyar m,
shewassay ingi nasof tbeggi ngv oice, “Please. ..
”I
mov edawayf rom her ,
“pleasewhat ? ”Herf ather
stoodup, “whatabouty ourbaby ?”Ilookedat
Lusandawi thangerandshel ookedscar ed, “i
st hat
mychi ldLusanda? ”shelookeddownanddi dn’tsay
any t
hi ng, Igr abbedherbyt het hroat ,“Iaskedy oua
quest ion. ”Herf atherwasshout i
ngatmet ost op
strangl ingher .Shewast ryi
ngt ogetoutofmygr i
p
andIt ight enedar oundherneck, shewascr yi
ngnow.
“No…”shef i
nallyanswer ed, “
what ?
”herf at her
roared, Iletgoofherandshef elltot hef loor
coughi nghy stericall
y.Ibentdowni nf rontofher ,“I
don’tev erwantt oseey ouagai n,whaty oudi dwas
despi cabl e.Wear enotf r
iends, mat teroff actwe
don’tknoweachot her…youar edeadt ome.Andi f
Abebi doesn’
tsur vi
ve,ohlit
tl
epr incessy ouwillpay.
”
Igotupandshewasst i
ll
cryingont hef l
oor,
“Lusanda!”Ihear dherfat
hershout ing,Iwasn’t
i
nt er
ested.Iwentupandshower edandchangedt o
somet hi
ngwar m.Ipackedaf ewt hingsf orI
ceand
headedt othehospi t
alandcal ledThando, “woah
shamey ouguy sreal
lydon’twantt hesechi l
dren.”I
l
etoutasi gh,“therehasbeenanacci dent.
”Thando
didn’
tsayany thing“i
ssheokay ?”
Me:Idon’
tknow,buti
twasbad.She’
sinsur
ger
yas
wespeak.
Her
:Al
ri
ght
,I’
l
ltel
lKhenan.We’
l
lbet
her
esoon.

Iwalkedi ntothehospitalandf i
ndI cewi t
hKim; they
i
mmedi atelystoptouchingwhenIgett othem.“Any
news? ”theyshaket heirheads,“Igoty ouclothes,I
don’tknowi ftheywi l
lfi
tthough.”Het hankedme
andt ookt heduffelbag;theywal kedawayhandi n
hand.KhenanandThandoent eredt heroom she
walkedt omeandhuggedmesot ight
ly,“what
happened?”Il
etoutasi
ghandsatdown,“Lusanda.
”
Thandolookedatmeconfused,
“whathappened
Keenan?”
Me:Wellherfat
hercametothehouseandst
arted
t
alki
ngshitandAbebiwasn’
thear
inganyofi
t.
Khenan:
Theki
ng?
Me:
Yeah.
Thando:
Sohowdi
dAbbyendupi
nacar
?
Me:
Wel
lLusandaappar
ent
lyhasachi
l
d.
Thando:
Pleasedon’
ttel
lme.
Me:
That
’swhatshesai
d.
Thando:
Keenant
hiswi
l
lki
l
lAbebi
.
Me:
That
’swhyshel
eftt
hehouse.
Khenan:
Andy
oudi
dn’
ttr
yst
opher
?
Me:Isawthewhol
ethi
ng.Iwast
her
ewheni
t
happened.
Thando:
Wher
eisLusanda?Ineedt
ohav
eat
alk
wit
hher.
Me:
Ial
readydi
d.
Thando:
And?
Me:
Shewasl
yi
ng…
Khenan:
Sheconf
essed?

“Howi sshedoing?Howar eyoumybaby?”wewere

i
nterrupt
edbyt hedr
amaticCece,“
whathappened?
”
shehuggedmet i
ghtshepull
edbackandheldmy
face.Shekissedmyli
ps,“Iwassoworri
ed.
”
Shewasfaf
fi
nganddi
dn’
tevengetawordin,
event
ual
l
yImanagedt
ocalm herdown,
“I’
m good
ma.”
Her
:Don’
tscar
emel
i
ket
hat
!

“Howisshe?”Ilookedupandf oundtheking,“you
havesomener v
et obetalki
ngaboutmywi f
e.”Helet
outasigh,“
canIhav eawordwi thyou?”r
ightthen
thedooropenedandt hedoctorcameout, “
Mr
Khwaza?”Inoddedandwal kedov ert
ohim slowly
andnervousl
y,“
howi sshe?”heletoutasigh,“she
l
ostal otofblood,butwehav est abil
isedher .The
wor stisover.”Il
etoutasi ghofr elief,“canIsee
her ?
”t hedoctornodded, “buttherei ssomet hing
else.”Whycan’ tdoctorsjustsayev erythingallat
once, nowIwasst ressi
ngagai n,“ y
esdoct or
? ”helet
outaf ai
ntsmi l
e,“
Yourwi feispr egnant .”Ial
most
fainted,“what?”hesmi l
edandshookmyhead,
“congr at
ulat
ions,youcanseehernow.Butonl yf
or
10mi nutessheneedst or est.
”

Iwalkedi
nandshewassl eepingwi thabandage
aroundherhead,shelookedsof ragil
e.“Heybaby…
I’
m sosorr
yIletthishappent oy ou.”Igotangryal
l
overagai
n;Iki
ssedherf oreheadandwal kedout.I
wouldcomebackt omorrow; Ineedt ogetthi
sking
outofmyhouse.Ev er
yonewasst il
lwaiti
ngforme,
“howisshe?”Ishrugged,“sleeping,shedoesn’tl
ook
l
ikesheisinanykindofpai nt hough.”
I
ce:
Ihear
dyou’
reexpect
inganot
herbaby
,ha.
Me:
Whyi
sthatf
unny
?
Khenan:
Probabl
ybecausey
oual
readyhav
eli
ke
t
ri
plet
s.
Me:
you’
ret
hel
astper
sont
otal
k.

“Ihav esomet hingt odoqui ck,meety ouguy satt he

house? ”Iceshookhi shead, “nope, Igotsomet hing
tosor tout.
”Igav ehimt hesuspi ciousl ook,
“somet hingorsomeone? ”hepunchedmepl ayfull
y,
andThandohadt ogocheckont hebabi es,soI
drov ewi thKhenan.Wer anaqui cker randandt hen
headedhome.TheKi ng’scarwasst il
l par
ked
out sideandIr eall
ydidn’tunder standwhyhewas
stil
l here.Wewentbacki nsi
de, andf oundhi m
talkingt oCecei nthelounge.Shest oodupandsai d
shewi llmaket ea.KhenanandIsatdown, “t
hisismy
biggerbr otherKhenan. ”Theyshookhands, “howcan
Ihel py ou?”hehandedmemymoneybagt hatIhad
givenhi m earli
er,“Ican’
tacceptt hi
s. ”
Me:
It’
syourdamagesf
ordef
lower
ingt
hepr
incess.
Ki
ng:
HowcanIt
rusthernowaf
tert
his?
Me:
Iwast
her
e,soIknowwhatwentdown.
Ki
ng:
Andt
hebaby
?
Me:
Iam notsur
eaboutt
hat
.
Khenan:Sor
rysi
r,butImustask.Lusandalef
taf
ter
Keenanlef
tandthencamebackwi t
hababyandt ol
d
youitwasKeenan’sandyoujustbeli
evedher
e?
Ki
ng:
It’
snotl
i
ket
hat
.
Me:
Pleaseexpl
aint
omehowi
tis.
Ki
ng:
Shel
ovesy
ou.
Khenan:
Andy
ourpoi
nt?
King:Shei
smyonl
ydaught
er,
Iwant
edherback
and..
Me:
andy
out
houghty
ouwoul
dpi
nthi
sonme?
King:Idi
dn’
tknow,butshesaidshewontcomeback
unlessyouagr
eetomar ryher
.
Me:
Soy
ouhadf
orgi
venher
?
King:Longt
imeago,Il
ovemychi
l
dandIwoul
ddo
anythi
ngtomakeherhappy
.
Me:
Event
opi
nthi
schi
l
donme?
King:
Idi
dn’
tknow,
Iwasn’thomewhenshecame
witht
hebaby,
andshelef
tagai
nbef
oreIcameback
fr
om mybusi
nesstr
ip.
Me:
Soy
ourwi
fewas
King:
Don’
tyoudar
e,mywi
fewoul
dnev
erdosucha
thi
ng.
Khenan:Looksl
i
keshealr
eadydi
d.Who’
sideawas
i
tforyoutocomehere?
Ki
ng:
Lusandacal
l
edcr
ying…andher
Me:
Andwhat
?
Khenan:
Shecal
l
edy
oudi
rect
ly?

Thelookontheking’
sfacechangedi
mmediatel
y,
“NO!
”hewasf uri
ous,“
LUSANDA! !
”heshout
ed,and
Cececamein,“whereisshe?
”
Cece:
Shei
ssl
eepi
ng.
Ki
ng:
DoIl
ookl
i
keIgi
veaf
uck,
getheri
nher
e.
KhenanandIwer el ooki ngateachot herconf used;
wedi dn’tknowwhatwasgoi ngon.Iunder standt hat
hest illwantedt ot alktome, butwhywasLusanda
stil
lsleepingi nthehouse?“ Si tdown,”herf at her
directedandshei mmedi atelysatdownandshewas
playingwi thherhands.“ LusandadoIl ookst upi dto
you? ”heaskedandsheshookherhead.“ Answer
me, ”hewaspaci ngupanddown, “no.”Lusanda
answer edinawhi sper ,Idon’ tknowi fitwas
becauseIst rangledhert oohar dorbecauseshewas
scar edofherf at
herorami xtureoft het wo.Khenan
andIsatbackandj ustwat ched, “thenwhydoy ou
andy ourmot hert hinkt hatIam? ”shewassobbi ng,
“Idon’ tknowwhaty ou’ret al kingabout .”Hegav eher
abackhandandshel andedont hef l
oor ,If eltthe
needt ogetupandhel pherbutKhenanhel dmy
shoul derbefor eIcoul dev enmov e.“Hay i Senzo,
that’senough.Ther eisnoneedt oabuset hi schi l
d,”
Cecei nter
vened, “Cebi y oudon’ tknowwhaty ou’re
talki
ngabout ,soy oust ayoutofi t
.”Het urnedt o
Lusanda, “whatdi dt hatbi tchofamot hersayt oy ou?
Uhm, didshet ellyout hati fy ousayi tsLuzuko’ s
childhewi l
lacceptt hechi ldl ikeIaccept edy ou?”the
room wentsi l
entandLusanda’ sey esshotopeni n
shock.Shest artedcr y
ing, “Oh, y
ourmom cant each
youal lthebi t
chingway sandt ri
cksbutshecan’ tt el
l
youwhent heywor kedf orher ?”hechuckl ed, “Ilov ed
yourmot her,andt hat’
swhatshef orgottot ell
y ou.
Soi twaseasyf ormet ot akei nabast ardchi ld
becauseshewasmywor l
d, Luzukodoesn’ tlovey ou.
Youcannotf orcehi mt o.Whaty ouandy ourmot her
aredi sgustingandwi l
lbedeal twit
haccor dingly.”
Lusandawascr y i
nghar d,“dad…”hel ookedatheri n
disgust ,“
Ialway streatedy ouasmyownandt hi sis
thet hanksIget ,apl at
eofshi t!
!Youar enopr i
ncess,
sot hereisnoneedf orLuzukot opayany thing.
You’reaconni vi
ngl i
ttl
ebi tchlikeyourmot her !
”
Cece:
Thati
senough.
Ki
ng:
Getheroutofmysi
ght
.

Cecewal kedtoLusandaandhelpedherup,“iza
ntombi.”Theywalkedoutoftheroom andIfeltsor
ry
forLusandanow, nobodydeser
vesthi
spaint hatshe
i
sf eel
ing.Igotupandgotthewhiskeydecanterand
3glassesandplaceditonthetabl
einfrontofus,
nobodyspoke.Cececamebackaf terawhileand
pouredhertea,
addingalit
tl
ebitofwhiskey.She
tookasipbeforel
ookingatSenzo,“whatCebi?”
Cece:
Ijustdon’
tthi
nkt
hatwasnecessar
y.
Senzo:heh,
you’r
ejoki
ngr
ight
?Lusandaandher
motherarewrong.
Cece:
Andnobodyi
sdi
sput
ingt
hat
,butyoudi
dn’
t
havet
obreakt
henewst
oherli
ket
hat.
Senzo:I
’mti
redofl
iv
ingali
eCebidoyounotgetit
,
thetr
uthwasboundtocomeoutsoonerorl
ater
.
Cece:
Butnotli
kethi
s,you’
retheonlyf
athershehas
knownandforyoutospeaktoherinsuckamanner.
Senzo:WhatwasIsupposedtodo,l
ett
hem tr
apt
his
boyandwatchLusandaconti
nueherbi
tchi
ngway
s
l
ikeherwhoremother
?

Nobodysaidanyt
hing,
wealldr
ank.Itwasalit
tlebit
awkwardandIwasn’tgoi
ngtobetheonet ostart
makingconver
sati
on.Wesatli
kethatint
he
awkwar dnessunt ilCecel ef tandwewer eonour
secondbot tl
e.“ shewasbeaut ifulIt ellyou,”he
started, “
almostl i
key ourwi fe, shewasf eistyt oo.
WhenIsel ectedhert obemywi fe, shet oldme
straightt omyf acet hatshedoesn’ tlovemeandwi ll
nev erbemywi fe.Ij ustl aughedathert hatt ime, butI
i
nf ormedmyuncl est hatshewast heone.Sher an
awayf rom me, li
kel it
er all
yr ani nt heopposi te
direction.Shedi dn’twantme, butIwasgoi ngt obe
king, andany t
hi ngIwantIget .”Het ookasi pofhi s
drinkbef orehecont inued, “Ifoundhercr yingone
nightbyt her i
v erandIknewt hatwasmychance.
Shet oldmet hatherboy friendwasget ti
ngmar r
ied
tosomeoneel seandt hef ami liesdi dn’twantt hem
toget her.Iknewt hatwasmychanceandIpounced
oni t.Litt
ledi dIknowt hatshewasnotpur eunt i
l i
t
wast imet osendt hel obol a.Shecamecl eanandI
stil
laccept edherbecauseIl ov edher .”hel etouta
sigh, “bythet imewegotmar r
iedshewasal ready3
mont hspr egnant ,andwehadt obest rategicabout
i
t.Wewentt ost ayinDur bant il
l shegav ebi rt
ht oa
l
ittl
egi r
lwhol ookednot hingl ikeme, Iwashappy
andIaccept edherasmyown.Whenwer eturnedt o
thekingdom ev ery
onequest i
onedt hebabybut
neit
heroneofusconf essed.Honest lyIl
ove
Lusandawi t
hmyl ife,butyouwantt oknowwhat
makesmeangr ier
?”KhenanandIbot hshookour
headsatt hesamet ime,“i
t’shermot her,andshe
start
edsl eepingaroundwi thmybr otherthinking
thatIdidn’tknow.Just3y ear
sagoIcaughtheri n
bedwi t
hmyr ighthandman.I thasbeent hiswayf or
alongt i
menowandshei snowr ubbingthisrubbish
onmyc-uhm onLusanda. ”
“I’
m sorrydaddy,”wehear dav oiceinthedoorway,
helookedup, “howl onghav eyoubeenst andi
ng
there?
”shewal kedi n,“l
ongenough. ”Shesatdown
nexttohi m,helookedsoemot ionalandopenedup
hisarmsf orherandshest art
edcr y
ingwhile
apologisi
ng.Wel eftthem l
ikethatandwal kedtothe
foyer,
“Igottogoman. ”Webr ohugandhewal ks
out.Itakeashowerandheadbackt othehospit
al.

*
***Abebi
***
***
***
***
Iwakeupwi thKeenan’
sheadont hebedandIsmi le,
Ilookaroundandt hemachi nesarebeepinganditall
comesback.I ’
m noti
ntoomuchpai nandit’
sjusta
headache, “
Keenan.”Hesitsup, “
heybaby,you’
re
awake.Letmegett hedoctor.”Hegetsupand
comesbackwi thanurse;shechecksmeandhow
I’
mf eel
ing.Shespendsabout10mi nutesinthe
room, “
I’
llgetsomeonet ohelpcleanherup.”Keenan
l
ooksather ,
“cantIdothat?”
Nurse:
Youcan,
butIsuggestbr
eakf
astf
ir
st.Come
getamenu.

Heleavesmei ntheroom andIst

artfeel
ingali
ttl
e
hungry
,andl ucki
lyhecomesbackwi t
hthemenu,
“whathappened? ”Iaskashelooksthroughthe
menut r
yingtof i
ndussomef ood,“youdon’t
remember ?
”
Me:
Iremember
,but
Hi
m:I
’
m notmar
ryi
ngher
,thebabyi
sn’
tmi
ne.
Il
etoutasi
ghofrel
i
ef,
“butIt
oldy
ouIdi
dn’
twant
heri
nthehouse.
”
Keenan:
Iknow,
andIdi
dn’
tli
stenbaby
,I’
m sor
ry.
Me:
Whati
fshecomesback?
K:Shewon’
tI’
ll
tel
lyouallabouti
twheny
ou’
rewel
l
.I
havegoodnewsforyou.
Me:
Uhm,
what
?
Keenan:
We’
repr
egnant
.
Me:
What
?Don’
tfuckwi
thme!
Keenan:
Aren'
tyouexci
ted?

Itookinadeepbr eathe,andr ubbedmyt ummy ,

“howf aralong? ”Ilookeddownandf roze,“Keenan? ”
Ilookedathi m andbackdownatmyhand, “baby?”
Myv oicewasshaky ,“hey,what ’
swr ong? ”Ilookedat
him,“what’st hi
s? ”Keenanj ustsmi led,“Ithinkyou
knowexact l
ywhatt hatis,Iwanty out omar ryme…
properlyt
hist ime.”Thet earsjustst artedflowing
downmyf aceandIcoul dn’tstopt hem, heleanedi n
andgav emeaki ss,“Iloveyousomuch. ”Icoul dn’
t
evensayi tbackIwasamess, thedooropenedand
Thandowal kedi n.shewassmi l
ing,“heymummy ,
you’r
eup? ”thenshefr
owned, “
andt hetear
s?”Iput
upmyl efthand,andshesquealed…“ Ohmygoshi t
’s
gorgeous. ”Shecamecl osert
akingmyhandand
l
ookingati tandadmir
ing.Keenanwentt ogogetour
breakfastandIsatwi t
hThando, “howar ey
ou
feel
ing? ”
Me:I’
m goodact
ual
l
y,If
eel
li
keIcanwal
koutof
her
e.
Thando:
Pai
n?
Me:
Justabi
tofaheadache.
Thando:Andwhatdoest hedoctorsay
?It hi
nkyou
needtojustr
elaxabit
,andleavewhent hedoct
or
saysyou’r
efi
tenough.
Me:
I’
m pr
egnantagai
n.
Thando:
Whatdoy
oumean?
Me:HaHa…Imeanj ustt
hat.butt
hedoct
orwil
l
comeinandexpl
ainal
lofthattome.Howar
emy
babi
es?
Thando:Theyaregood,
Idothinkt
heymi
ssyou
though.3days,
that
’salongt
imetobeawayfr
om
y
ourmot
her
.
Me:That
’swhyIf
eltl
i
kedy
ingwhenIwasont
hat
shi
p.
Thando:
Don’
tthi
nkabouti
t.
Me:I
t’
shardnotto,
li
keI
’vehadsuchdrama.One
badt
hingaf
tert
heother
,Ineedabreak.
Thando:Maybeyoushoul
dtakeat
ri
p,j
usty
ouand
yourhusbandandt
hebabies.
Me:
LikeKeenanwoul
dagr
eet
othat
.

“Agreetowhat?”hesaidwalki ngi
nandcat chi
ngus
l
aughing.“Thandai
zindabashame. ”Thandosaid
standi
ngup, “
Ihaveanappoi ntmentwit
ht hegynaeI
don’twanttobelat
e.I’
llcheckony oubeforeIgo.”
Shekissedmycheekandwal kedout
.
KeenanandIat
ebreakf
astmainl
yinsi
lence,“
were
yougoingt
otel
lme?”helookedupatme, “
about
?”
Me:
Ever
ythi
ng.
Hi
m:I
thappenedsol
ongagot
hatIhadev
en
f
orgot
tenabouti
t.
Me:
Andhert
ryi
ngt
oseducey
ou?
Hi
m:Iwasdeal
i
ngwi
thi
t,Ihadi
tundercont
rol
.
Me:
Ok.
Hi
m:Babypl
ease.

Ididn’tsayany thi
ngandj ustat emybr eakfastuntil
thedoct orcame, heexami nedme.Hesai d
everythingwasf i
ne,buthewoul dbekeepi ngmef or
twoday s.Toobser ve,andIwasf i
newi ththatand
didn’
tmi nd.Heconf i
rmedf r
om mybl oodt eststhatI
wasj ustov eraweekpr egnantandIwasal i
tt
lebit
excit
ed.Butt hebabiesar estil
ltoyoungandwe
hadn’tpl annedthis…goshwest i
ll
hadi tcoming, I
needt ot iemyt ubesafterthis.
[
11/
23,
18:
19]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode141

(
AspromisedConst
anceMabasothi
sisforyou.
..
t
hankyoufort
herevi
ewandconti
nuoussupport
 )

*
***Thando

Igottothedoctorandhewasal r
eadywait
ingforme,
"MrsK..
.howar ewefeeli
ng?"Ismil
edandgave
Steveahug,"we'r
egoodthanks,j
ustsl
eepingalot
butdon'
ttel
ltheMrhei salr
eadyworry
ing.
"
St
ev e:i
t'
snormal
,buty
ouneedt ocutdownont
he
work.Iheary
ou'r
eawor kahol
i
c
Me: I
'
mt r
yingbutbusi
nessopport
uni
ti
eskeep
knocking.
..HowcanIpossiblyshutt
hedooron
money .

Wehadagoodl aughandwasdi stur

bedbymy
phone,Iswit
cheditoffwit
houtlooki
ngatthe
number,"Sor
ryaboutthat.
..l
et'
sseethel
it
tleone.
"
Andthenhisphoner ang,
helookedatme,"go
ahead.
"
"Sup? ..
..noty et .
..howl ong?...alr
ight."hecutt he
callandsatbackdownt henopenedmyf il
e, "
so
besidest hesl eepi ng,anythi
ngel sey ouwantt o
discussaboutt hepr egnancy ?"Wet alkedaboutmy
concer nsandwhenhewaswei ghingmet herewasa
knockatt hedoorandt henitopened.Khenan
walkedi nf ol
lowedbyaKhany iwhodi dn'tlookso
please.Khenanki ssedmyf oreheadandl ooked
downatt hescal e,"see,you'
rest arvingmybaby ."I
i
gnor edhi scommentandgr eetedmyangel ,"Hey
baby ,whyar en'ty ouatschool ?"Sher oll
edherey es,
"soy ounotgoi ngt oexplainwhyy ou' r
eseei ngt he
babywi thoutme? "Iwast akenabackandl ookedat
Khenanwhoj ustshr ugged."Wel lIthoughty ou
woul dbei nschool ,
waitwhyar en'
ty ouinschool ? "
Shel ookedatKhenanandt heyhadal i
tt
le
conv ersat i
on, "shehasaheadache, butIgav eher
somet hingshei sf eeli
ngbet ter.
"Iraisedmy
eyebr ows, "
isit? "Khenanqui cklychangedt het opi c,
"canIseemypr incessnow? ?"
Me:
woahshamet
hisonei
saboyIcanf
eel
it.
Khenan:
scar
edsomeonewi
l
ltakey
ourpl
ace?
?
Me:
asi
f!
!

Steveinterr
uptedusbymakingsuggestingIgeton
thebed, heputthegelonmyabdomenand
i
mmedi atel
ytherewasaheartbeatandKhenan
smiledfrom eartoeat
."Her
e'syourbabybrotheror
sist
er,
"St evesai
dtoKhanyi
.Khenanhadpi ckedher
upsoshecangetav i
ewift
hescr een."
Where?"She
askedconf used,St
evepoi
ntedatthelit
tl
ebubbleon
thescreen,"that
'
sher?Whereareherhands? "
Stev
e: t
heyhav
en'tgr
ownyet
..
.af
teraf
ewmont
hs
you'
llbeabl
etoseethem.
"Oh."Khany irepli
edseemi ngl
ydisappointed, aft
er
theultrasoundSt evegav eheracopyoft hescan,
"keept hi
s, everyt i
mey ourMOM comesi nI '
llgive
heracopyf ory outokeep.Soy oucant rackt he
baby '
sgr owt h."Shesmi l
ednow, "andwhenshei s
born,I'
llcomebackandgi veyouapicturet oo."We
alll
aughedandweheadedout ,wepassedbyAbebi
beforegoi ngt ot hecarpark."Wannaridewi t
hme
Baby ?"Shenoddedandr antothecar,"I
'l
l dri
ve
behi
ndyou.
"Khenanki
ssedmyl
i
psandmadehi
s
waytohi
scar.

Khanyi
wasal r
eadybuckl
edwhenIgotin,"
wantt
o
getwaff
lesandicecr
eam fort
heheadache?"
Her
:not
hanks,
justwantt
ogohome.

Ist
art
edthecarandmademywayoutofthe
hospi
tal
,"wantt
otel
lmewhat
'swr
ong?"
Khany
i:wit
htheheadache?
?It
hinki
t'
sbecauseI
'
m
notdr
inki
ngenoughwater.
Me:
didy
oueaty
ourl
unch?
?

Shelookeddown,"Khanyi
?"Isaidlooki
ngatheri
n
ther
earviewmir
ror,"
Yeah,Iate."Shewaslyi
ngsoI
l
etherbe.Wedrivehomei nsilenceandIwasangry
,
somethingwaswrongandt heywer en'
tyel
l
ingme
anyt
hing.
WegothomeandKhany
irani
ntot
hehouseandI
fol
lowedher
,IwasatthedoorwhenKhenandrov
ein
andIwait
edforhi
m."Shoul
dIstartondi
nner
?"He
asked.
Me:soy
ou'
renotgoi
ngt
otel
lmewhat
'shappeni
ng
wi
thmychi
l
d?
Khenan:not
hing,
it'
sjustaheadacheandIf
etched
herearl
y.
Me:justbecauseI'
vebeenbusydoesn'
tmeanI
hav
en'tnoti
ced..
.lastweekshehadaheadachet
oo.
Khenan:
yeah.
Me:
twi
cel
astweek.
Khenan:
what
'sy
ourpoi
nt?
?

Ikeptquietandl efthiminthefoyer,"
sowhatmustI
make? "Ididn'tbotheransweri
ngandwal kedto
Khanyi'sroom Iknockedandt henIopenedup.She
waschangi ngi ntoherball
etpracti
seclot
hes,"
and
now?"Shecont inuedtodress,"Ij
ustwanttogo
pract
isemyr outine.
"
Me:
andt
heheadache?
Her
:it
'sgonenow.
Me:
buty
oust
il
lhav
en'
teat
en,
youneedt
heener
gy.
Her
:Iwon'
tpr
act
iset
ohar
d.Justanhour
.

Thenshel ef
t,haybowast hischildseriousbutIl eft
i
tandwentt oourbedr oom.Ichangedi ntojogger s
andav estandsatont hebedt r
yingtogetsome
workdone.Mymi ndwasn'tt hereandIwas
wonderingwhatwaswr ong, Khanyisaidshedi dn't
eatandnowshei spracti
singbal l
et.Wast hischild
star
vingherself
?Noshe' stooy oungt obet hinki
ng
l
ikethat,pl
usKhany i
doesn' tcareaboutwei ght.
Imusthav efall
enasleepbecauseIwokeupandt he
sunhadsetandi twasget ti
ngdark.Ibr ushedmy
teethandwashedmyhai randheadeddown, Khenan
wasi nthekit
chenwi t
hKeenan.Igr eeted,Iwas
i
nf or
meddi nnerwasr eadysoIwentt ogett hekids.I
knockedont hedoortoLakhi we'sroom andent ered,
I'
m beingtestedtoday."HiMr s.DeCost a.
"Londy
saidstandi
ngupf r
om thebed, Ishotlakhiwet he
l
ook, "
HeyMom."
Me:
whaty
ouguy
supt
o?
Lakhi
:st
udy
ing.
Me:
sowhyi
sthedoorcl
osed?
?
Lakhi
:tokeept
henoi
seout
,thet
winswer
e
i
nterr
upti
ngus.
Me:ohi
sit,t
hedoorstay
sopen.
..washyourhands
di
nneri
sready.Andi
fIfi
ndt
hisdoorcl
osedagain
i
t'
scomingoff.
Lakhi
:butMa
Me:
itwasn'
taquest
ionsosav
eit
.

IwalkedoutandKhanyiwasalreadyatthet
able.We
all
satdownandsaidGracet henstar
tedeat
ing,she
wasdi ggi
ngawayatherfood."Sl
owdownbef ore
youchoke."
Khenan:
she'
sjusthungr
y,l
eav
ethechi
l
d.
Me:
Itol
dhert
oeatbef
orebal
l
etpr
act
ise.
Khenan:
Sheat
eaf
ter
.
Me:
andshei
sst
il
lhungr
y.
Khenan:
Wel
lsheski
ppedl
unch.
Me:mxm. .
.sinceyouknowwhat
'shappeni
ngint
his
house,
tel
lyoursony okeept
hedooropenwhenhe
hasagirl
intheroom.

It
ookmyplat
eandwal
kedout
.Mxm Iwassopi
ssed
i
twasn'
tev
enfunny
.

ThenextweekKhany icamehomeear l
yagai nwi th
herfather,theyseemedsur pr
isedt ofindmehome.
"Anotherheadache? "Iasked.Khany inodded, "sit
downbot hofy ou!"Khany il
ookeddownandshe
seemedf r
ight ened, "Babyyoudon' thav et oshout .
"I
l
ookedatKhenanl i
kehewast alkingcr azy."Oh, I
mustl etyouguy srunar oundher ekeepi ngsecr ets
andImust n'tgetmad?Tohel l wit
ht hatshi t,now
tel
lmewhat '
sgoi ngonbef oreIgiv eyouahi ding."
Khenanl etoutasi gh,"Babygot oy ourr oom."I
i
nterruptedhi m mi dsentence,"shei sn'tgoing
anywher etil
l Ifindoutwhat '
sgoingon. "Ilookedat
them andnoneoft hem spoke,"
Nowwoul dbe
good. "Khenanwasgetti
ngangrybutIdi
dn'tgi
vea
shit.IneededanswersandIneedthem now,
"promi seyouwon'
toverreact
?"
Me:
what
??Justspi
titout
.
Khenan:
Khany
iisget
ti
ngbul
l
iedatschool
.

Ifr
ozef orawhil
etry
ingtodigestwhathesaid,"
what
doy oumeanbulli
ed?"Hestartedtalki
ng,"
No
scratchthat
,whoisbul
ly
ingher ?"Ispokebef
orehe
couldanswer.
Hi
m:y
ouseewhywedi
dn'
twantt
otel
lyou.
Me:
ISAI
DWHO?
hi
m:f
uckbabycal
m down.
Me:
Khenany
ougonnat
ell
met
ocal
meddown?
Hi
m:I
'
m handl
i
ngi
t.
Me:byt
aki
ngheroutofschool
eacht
imet
her
e'san
i
nci
dent
?
Hi
m:Thando.
Me:
who?

"Tammi King,"Khany i sai

di nawhi sper.Thef uck!!I
didn'tevent hink, Igr abbedt hekey sandwentout
andt ookof f
.Ir emember edt hatchi ldfrom oneof
thepar ent sev ening,shewasaf atdi r
tywhi t
egi rl.
Frecklesonherf ace, chewi nggum const antl
y ..
.how
dareshe.Idr ov et oherpar ent'spl aceandi twasa
bighousei nani cenei ghbour hood.Ipar kedout si
de
andt ookoutmygun, thesepar entsaregonnashi t
today .Iusedt hesmal lgatet henmademywayt o
thedoor , Iknockedacoupl eoft i
mesandasmal l
whitel adyopened, "Mr sKing? "Shenoddedadj usti
ng
herscar ft ohidet hebr ui
sesonherneck, "mayI
comei n?"Shel etoutasi ghandl ookedbacki nside,
"Iwantt ot alkt oy ouabouty ourdaught er,Tammi .
"
Shel ookedwor ri
ed, "i
sshei nt rouble?"Sheseemed
scaredandf r
ight enedatt hesamet imeandI
regretedcar ry i
ngt heweapon." shewi l
lbei fyou
don'tletmei n."Sheopenedt hedoormaki ngwayf or
meandIwal kedi nt oabeaut i
f ulhouse, veryhomel y
andwel lkept.Shel edmet ot hel ounge, "
tea?"I
nooded, "
yespl ease,"shedi sappeared." BabyI '
m
home! "Ther ewasashoutandIst ay edinmyseat .
ThenIhear dquar rel
ingandgl assbr eaking,Igotup
i
mmedi at
elyandr ant ot hesound, Mr sKi ngwason
thefloorcr yi
ngsi l
entlywi thagi ngerbi gmanki cking
her,"whatdi dIsayaboutl et
tingpeopl einwhenI '
m
nothome? "Heshout ed, "Whatdoy out hinkyou're
doing? "Ishoutedr ushingt owar dsher ,shewas
bleedingf rom hernoseandshel ookedupatme,
"getoutofmyhouse! "Ibentdownt ocheckonher
andhegr abbedmyhai r,"Isaidleave!!"Istoodup
andpunchedhi mi nthenosewhi chst art
edbl eedi
ng
andhehel dont oitinshockast owhathappened.
Hest umbl edabi t
,andl ookedatmeandIknewhe
want st odosomet hingbutwasn' ttoosur e,
"Idare
you."Isai dandhedi dn'tmov e.Ihelpedhi swifeup,
"I'
mt akingy out othehospi t
al."Sheshookherhead,
"Iwasn' tasking."
Hi
m:Shei
smywi
feandshei
sn'
tgoi
ngany
wher
e
wi
thy
ou.
Igav
ehimt he'r
eal
ly
'lookandconti
nuedt
oatt
endto
hi
swife.Hetri
edtogetcloser
,Ipul
l
edoutmygun.
Comeanycl oserandI '
llshootyoubet weent heeyes.
Hiseyespoppedout ,"good,nowwe' r
egoi ngtowalk
outofhereandy ouwon' tfol
lowus.I fIseey ouon
mytailIwon'thesi
tatetopul lt
het r
igger.Hedidn'
t
sayanythi
nganddi dn'tmov eeither
.Wewal kedout
thefr
ontdoorandt omycar .

Iknowi
t'
sshor
tIpr
omi
seal
ongeri
nser
tnextt
ime.
[
11/
23,
18:
20]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode142

Anot
hersni
ppetj
ustt
omakeupf
ort
hel
astone.

Wedrovei
nsi
l
encef
orawhi
l
eandt
henmyphone
r
ang,
"yah?
"
Khenan:
wher
ear
eyou?
?
Me:
ont
hewayt
othepol
i
cest
ati
on.
Khenan:
Thandowhathav
eyoudone?
Me:
whaty
oudi
dn'
t.
Icutthephoneandcont inuedtodriveandt henMr s
Kingbrokethesil
ence, "he'l
lkil
lme."Ilookedather
andheldherhand," andy outhinkstayinginthat
housewon't?"Shedi dn'
tanswerme, "hewi l
lpayfor
thi
s."Shestart
edweepi ng.FuckThandowhatar e
youdoing?Allyouhadt odowasmaket heirchi
ld
stopbull
yi
ngy ourbabyandnowy ou'restuckinthis
fucki
ngmess. .
.Istartedf eel
inghotandopenedt he
windows,"i
t'
sgoingt obeok. "
MrsKing:Noi
twon'
tbe,
youdon'
tknowmyhusband.
I
'm sur
pri
sedhedi
dn'
tki
l
lyou.
Me:
itt
akesal
otmor
ethanawomanbeat
ert
oscar
e
me.
Her
:he'
spower
ful
,mor
ethant
hepol
i
ce.
Me:
Idon'
tgi
veashi
t.

Shecri
ed,
"he'
samar i
nef orf
uckssake!
"Shewas
nowshouti
ng.Herv
oicewast rembl
ingandIcould
senset
hefeari
nhervoice.Somethi
ngcli
cked,"
a
mari
neher einCapeTown? "Shenoddedsl owly,Ihi
t
asharpu- t
urnwhichcausedhert oalmosthither
headont hewindow.Ist ar
teddiali
ng,"
didIhurt
you?"Sheshookherhead, t
hephoner angandt here
wasnoanswer ,"
pickupdammi t
!"Isai
ddiali
ngagain
andont heforthtr
y,"Thandowhatt hehell
doy ou
want?"Iletoutasigh,"I
'
m sorrytobotheryoubutI .
.
."
Him:i
sn'
tthatwhaty
oual
way
sdo?Cal
lwheny
ou
needme?
Me:
it'
sanemer
gency
!!
Hi
m:i
sn'
ti
tal
way
sThando?
?
Me:
please!
!

Tututut u..
.Fuck!!Ihitt
hesteeri
ngwheel andt r
ied
tocal
l againandi twasstrai
ghttovoicemai l
.Ihad
toactfast.Ispedof fwit
houtaplanand20mi nut es
l
aterIcouldseet hebase.Itookadeepbr eatheand
spedrightthrought heboom gatealmostshattering
thewindshi el
d,"areyoufucki
ngoutofy ourmi nd? "
MrsKingaskedmeandIt ot
all
yignoredher.The
sir
enswer edeafeningandt hecarswer efoll
owing
me.Somespi keswentuppunchi ngmyt ir
esandt he
carcamet oast andst il
l
.About30mensur rounded
mycar .Fuckf uckf uck..
.therewasahel i
copterover
us.Iopenedmywi ndowandt hr
ewt hegunout ,"st
ep
outoft hecarwi thbot hhandsup! "Itookadeep
breathe,"don'tmov e."Isaidtoherandsl owly
openedt hedoor .Isteppedoutwi t
hmyhandsup,
"stepawayf rom thecar !"Someguyshout edandI
tookthreest epsawayf rom thecarstill
withmy
handsi ntheai r
,"she'shurt,Ineedtot al
ktoSpha! "
Hi
m:sor
ryl
adybutt
hisi
snotanegot
iat
ion.
Me:
Siphamandl
aNgema!
!

Theyal
ll
ookedatmewei r
d,t
heguyspokei
ntohi
s
radi
oandthenl
ookedbackatme,"
WHOi si
nthe
car?
"
Me:
afr
iend,
she'
shur
t.
Hi
m:canweappr
oach?
Inodded, myhear twasbeat ingouti fmychestt hen
hepoi ntedatt woguy swhoappr oachedst i
ll
wi th
theirweapons.Theywentt ohersi deandgotherout ,
"shit,it'
sKi ng."Ihear doneoft hem say , j
ustt hen
Sphacamer unni ngi ntothel ot.Hest oodandl ooked
atmeconf usedandscar edatt hesamet i
me." Lower
yourweapons. "Hecommandedt heguy s,"Butsir.
"
Het ur ned, "t
hat '
sanor der,
"al l
oft hem l ower edt hei
r
gunsandhesi gnal edsomet hingt ot hechopper
whicht henf lewof f.Hewal kedbr isklyt owar dsme,
"arey ououtofy ourf uckingmi nd. "Iwasnow
shaki ngwi tht ear si nmyey es.Whenhegott omeI
j
ustt hrewmy selfint ohisar ms.If elthiml etouta
deepsi gh, "I
t'
sok, theywon' thur ty ou.Don' tcry."He
heldmeandl ookedar ound, whenIwascal m he
pulledmeatar msl engt h,"
youok? "Inodded, "and
thel ady ?"Ihadhi ccups, "
herhusbandbeather ."He
l
ookedatmeconf used, "whyar ey ouher e?"
Me:
he'
samar
ine.

Hiseyespoppedout
,"what
?"Ij
ustnodded.He
pull
edmecloseagai
nandwef ol
lowedthemenas
theyhelpMr sKingintooneoft hebui l
dings.I'
m put
i
ntoar oom, al
mostl ikeandinterrogati
onroom, I
waitforalmostanhourbef or
et hedooropensand
Sphawal ksin.Hesitsacrossme, "Thandowhatdi d
youdo? "Il
ookathi m confused, "
uh?"Hedoesn' tsay
anythi
ngandl ooksmest r
aightint heeyes,"Iwentto
thei
rhousewant ingt ospeaktot hem aboutt hei
r
chil
dbullyi
ngKhany i.Thenhest artedbeatinginher.
"
Hi
m:That
'snotwhatt
heyar
esay
ing.
Me:
whatdoy
oumean?
?
Hi
m:t
heyar
en'
tgoi
ngt
opr
esschar
ges.
Me:whatdoyoumeantheyar
en'
tgoi
ngt
opr
ess
char
ges?Agai
nstwhom?
Hi
m:y
ou
Me:
what
??Wai
t,f
orwhat
?
Hi
m:f
orassaul
t
Me:
Sphar
eal
l
y,askherwhathappened
Hi
m:weal
readydi
d.
Me:
didy
ouseet
hemar
ksonherneck?
?Supposedl
y
Idi
dthatt
oo?
Him:Thandoy
ouneedt
ogohomet
oyourhusband
andkids.

Istoodupbangi
ngont het
able,
"Sphahe'sgoi
ngto
ki
llher
!!Dammityouneedtodosomething.
"Ifel
t
l
ightheadedandsatdown,"
you'
reokay?"
Me:Sphayou'v
eknownmef
ormostofmyl
i
fe,
you
knowIwouldn'
tdothat
.
Him:ThandoIdon'
tknowy
ouany mor
e,t
het
hings
youdo,thewomanyouhavebecome.
Me:
Sphapl
ease.
Hi
m:St
op!
!STOPI
TALREADY!
!

Ifel
tmyheartshatt
er,
"nowoneoft heguy swil
ldri
ve
youhome, st
ayawayfrom thatfami
lyplease."Was
thi
sreall
yhappeni
ng,"
shewon' tsur
viv
e...thi
nk
aboutthechi
ldr
en.
"Hest oodupandwal kedt owards
thedoor,"
cal
lmewheny ourhomesafe."Ilookedat
him wi
thtear
sinmyey es,"Don'
tdothis.
.."Iwalked
overtohi
m, "
goodby
eThando.
"Isnif
fedandwalked
outthedoorandhefol
l
owedme,"thi
siswrong.
."
Wewal kedpasst heKingsandMrsal ut edSphaand
puthishandaroundhi swi f
e.Sphal edmet oacar
andputmei nside,"tel
lmewheny ou'rehomeand
l
osemynumberaf terthat
."Isobbedal ltheway
homeandIknewIhadt odosomet hing, Ihadleftmy
phoneinmycar .Iwant edtocallIcebutcoul dn't
.
WhenIgothomeawor ri
edKhenangr eetedmeat
thedoor,hetr
iedt otouchme, "Don't!
"ISai dwalking
away ,
"wherei
sshe? "Helookedatmewi thwor r
y ,"
in
herroom.Idon'tthinknowi sagoodt ime."

Iwalkedupt hestair
slikeazombieandt ooka
showerthenchangedi ntomylongpaj amas.Iwent
toknockonKhany i
'sdoorandenteredwithoutan
i
nvit
e.Shewassi t
ti
ngonherbedl ookingatherTV.
Shewasn'twat chi
ng,justl
ooki
ng."Heybaby ."She
tur
nedtolookatmebutst il
ldi
dn'
tsayany thing,"
are
youAlri
ght?"ShenoddedandIt ookt hatasani nv
ite
tositonherbedandIgav eherahug.Shecr iedin
myar ms,l
ikeletitall
out.Wedidn'tsayanythingfor
awhileunti
lshewascalm, "
it
'salr
ightbaby.
..Tammi
i
sat roubl
edchil
dfrom abadf amil
y.Shetakesitout
oninnocentpeopl
elikeyou.
"Shesni f
fed,"
Iwasso
ni
cetoher .
"
Me: babyy ouneedt ounder st
andthatt hereare
somepeopl ewhodon' tknowhowt or eceivelov e
andki ndness.I nsteadofopeni ngupt heirhearts,
theyclosei toffbecauseam t heyknowi spain.The
onlywayt heyknowhowt odealwitht heirissuesis
throughv i
olenceandt aki
ngoutt heirissueson
i
nnocentpeopl ewhohav en'tdoneany thingwr ong.
Allthathappenedi sy oubecameav ictim ofabuse
from achildt hatlackedl ovefrom theirpar ents.
Don'tlethert akey oursmi l
eawayf rom y ou,you
hav ealovingf amilyandt hat'
senoughr easont o
makey ousmi l
e,soshedt hatloveont hosewho
needanddeser veit.

Ispokeforl
ongandreali
sedshewasasleep,
Khenanwasstandi
ngatt hedoorl
ooki
ngatus.I
tuckedheri
nandthenwenttoourbedroom wi
th
Khenanonmyheels,"Thandowhathappened?
"He
asked,itwassosi ncer eandIf eltit.Ij
ustbr oke
downandcr i
ed,Iev entuallytol
dhi m ev ery
thing.
"Youplayedy ourpar tbaby ,butIthinkSphai sr i
ght.
Letthem sortitout.Idon'twanty oust ressi
ngov er
otherfamili
es,youhav eyourownt ot akecar eof."
Hesai dthatrubbi
ngmyt ummy ,"you'r
eagood
person..
.Iloveyou."Heki ssedmyf oreheadandwe
cuddledinbedt i
llIfellasleep.
[
11/
23,
18:
20]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode143

Myheadandhear
twasheav
ywhenIwokeup,
I
t
urnedar
oundand
Khenanwasn’
tinbedbutKhany
iwassl
eepi
ngt
her
e.
Ismil
edandki
ssed
herf
oreheadandsheopenedherey
es,
“mor
ning
baby
.”shesmiled,
“hey
mom, di
dyousleepwel
l
?”Inodded,
“shoul
dn’
tyou
beatschool
?”
Her
:Daddysai
dIcanst
ayhome.
Me:
Iguesswehav
etocal
li
nandl
ett
hem know.
Her
:Daddydi
dthatal
ready
.
Me:Seemsli
key
ouanddaddyhav
eital
lfi
gur
edout
don’
tyou.
Shedidn’
tsayanyt
hing,
“babywhydi
dn’
tyout
ell
me
aboutthi
s?”she
shrugged;
daddysai
dwemust
n’tst
ressy
ou
becauseofthebaby
.“Ohi
s
i
t?”Iaskedrai
si
ngmyey
ebr
ows,
“andhesai
dyou’
re
cr
azyandy ouwil
l
ki
l
lany bodywhot
ouchesme.
”Il
aughed,
“Nowt
hat
i
strue.Nobody
messeswi
thmyf
ami
l
yandget
sawaywi
thi
t.
”
Wespentthemorni
ngi
nbedbef
oregoi
ngt
ocheck
outt
heciv
iccent
re,
Khanyi
wantedtohav
eherbi
rt
hdayt
her
e.Whodoes
thi
schi
ldt
hinkshe
i
s?Thepaint
ingandt
het
il
ingwasdone,
all
we
neededt
odowasget
f
urni
tur
e.Ihadameet
ingwi
thmydesi
gner
,who
happenedt
obet
he
sameonewewer eusi
ngf
ort
hehot
elr
esor
tin
Mpumalangaandshewas
j
ustgreat.Wehadameet
ingf
oraboutanhouranda
hal
funtil
Khanyigot
agi
tat
edandwehadt
ogogetherf
ed.

Therestoft
heweekwasqui
et,
Ivi
si
tedmymom
bef
oreheranddadtook
anot
herhol
i
day
.Thewayt
heset
wot
rav
el,
toomuch
i
fyouaskmeandI
can’
tkeepup.I
twasFr
idayni
ghtandwewer
e
i
ndoorshavi
nggame
ni
ghtwi
thMduandMbal
i
,ithadbeenawhi
l
esi
nce
wehungout
act
ual
ly.Thei
rbabywasgr
owi
ngsomuchandbei
ng
amothersuit
edher.
“
You’
reglowi
ng;t
hisbabyi
sdoi
ngy
ougood.
”Ir
oll
ed
myeyesather
,
“
ifonl
yyouknew, t
hewayI
’
vebeensl
eepi
ng.I
fit
wasn’
tforKhenanI
woul
dbeawr
eck.
”
Her
:Atl
easty
ou’
renotgai
ningwei
ght
.
Me:
Thewor
sti
syett
ocome.
Her
:Andy
oupacki
tfut
hiwena.
Me:
Real
l
y?Thanksf
ri
end.
Khenan:
Rememberwhent
heywer
ewr
it
ingabout
her
?Whatdidt
hey
cal
lyou,
awhal
e?
Ever
yoneinther
oom l
aughed,
“Mbal
ipl
easedon’
t
getmestart
edon
y
ou.
”Mdulaughedthehar
destandMbal
ishother
t
hel
ook,
“babythat
’s
notfai
r,i
t’
sfunnywhenwe’
ret
easi
ngThando?Don’
t
thr
owst onesi
fyou
l
i
vei
nagl
asshouse.
”Igav
eMduahi
ghf
ive,
“Mxm…
y
out
oodeser
ve
eachother
.”Ipoutedmyl
i
ps,
“andher
eIwasgoi
ng
tolety
ouhav eyour
weddi
ngatmyci
vi
ccent
re.
”
Mbal
i
:Wel
lobv
iousl
yI’
l
lhav
eitt
her
e.
Me:
Psssh,
youwer
egoi
ngt
obet
hef
ir
st.
Mbal
i
:Andnotany
mor
e?
Me:No,unl
essyoupl
ayni
cef
ort
her
estoft
heni
ght
t
henIcanconsi
der
i
t.
Mdu:
whenwi
l
litber
eady
?
Me:Inabout6mont
h’st
imemay
be7mont
hst
he
l
atest
.
MduandMbal
ilookedateachot
her
,Ir
aisedmy
ey
ebr
ow,“
andthat?”
Khenanwasl
ooki
ngatt
hem t
oo,
“It
houghtIwast
he
onl
yoneseei
ngit
.
Spil
li
t!
”Mbal
irol
l
edherey
es,
“ther
eisn’
tany
thi
ngt
o
tel
l
.”
Me:
Thenwhyt
hewei
rdl
ooks?
IknowMbal
icankeepasecr
ett
ohergr
avesoI
neededt
oworkhardf
or
t
hisone.Khenanlookedatme,
heknowsmet
oo
well
thatIwil
lst
art
askingquesti
onsandheshookhi
shead,
Ijust
shrugged,“
what?”he
t
otall
yignor
edmeandgotupt
ofet
chmor
esnacks.I
l
etitgofornowand
cont
inuedonwi
tht
heni
ght
.theyl
eftj
ustaf
ter21h30
andIwas
exhaust
ed,Ij
ustwantedtogeti
ntobed.Af
ter
walki
ngthem outKhenan
foundmei ntheroom lwasputt
ingonlot
ionafter
myqui ckshower.Hesmiledatme,gi
vi
ngmea
naughtylook,"
No."Hi
sfacechanged,"
Idi
dn'tsay
anythi
ng."
Me:babyI
'
veknowy oufor
ever
,Iknowwhaty
ou
wantandi
t'
snothappeni
ng.Nottoni
ght
.
Isatont hebedandhewal kedov ertomysi de, "baby
i
t'sbeenf orev er."Heki ssedmyl ipsandt henmy
shoulder ,"Yout hinkMbal iandMduar emov i
ng
away ?"Hest oppedandl ookedatme, "you'reki ddi ng
ri
ght?That 'st her easonwhyy oudon' twantt ohav e
sexwi thme? ?"Ipushedhi sfaceawayget t
ingi nt o
bed,"ImeanIof ferheraweddi ngandshedecl inesi t
.
YouknowMbal ili
kesf ancyt hingsandt hisisj ustup
heralley."Khenanwal kedi ntot hecl oseti gnor ingme,
"Whatot herr easoncoul ditbe? "Hecameoutwhi le
putti
ngonhi ssl eepi ngshi r
t,hehadn' tshower edbut
thatwast hel astt hingonmymi nd."Li kereal l
ybaby ,
whatot herr easonwoul dther epossi blybe? "He
scratchedhi sheadl ooki ngannoy edandIpai dhi m
nomi nd.Hegoti ntobedandswi tchedof fhi sl amp,
"may beshe' spr egnantagai n."Khenansai d
sarcasticallybef or et urninghi sbackonme." No, she
wouldt ellmet hough.Ev enifshei swhycan' tt hey
getmar ried? "Hel etoutal oudsi ghofannoy ance
andIwasn' tbot her ed, "t
hesamer easonshedi dn' t
getmar riedl astt i
meandy ouhadt odot hesmal l
weddi ngf orher .
"It houghtt omy self
, "nahy ou're
wring,shewoul dhav et oldme. "Het ur nedar ound
andgotont opofme, "shewi l
ltel
lyouwhenshe' s
ready, r
ightnowKongneedshi smeal."Hesai dthat
gri
ndingonmeandIf elthismanhoodhar dagainst
meandIcoul dn'
thelpbi tgi
ggle,"
that'
smor eli
kei t.
"
Hel eaneddownandki ssedmeandt hent her
ewasa
bangatt hedoor.Nott hebedroom doorbutt he
maindoor ,"
babyy ouheart hat?"Heshookhi shead
andt ri
edt okissmeagai nbutthebangi ngconti
nued.
"They'll
goaway "hesaidagai nnowki ssingmeandI
havei n."DAD!"Therewasashoutf r
om downst airs,
hepunchedt hebed, "
canamannotmakel ov
et ohis
sexypr egnantwi f
e??"
Hegotup,"
I'
ll
bebacktof
ini
sht
hisoff
,don'
tgo
any
where.
"Heexi
tedther
oom l
eavi
ngmel aughi
ng.

*
***
**

Khenanmadehiswaydownt hestair
sandwasmet
byhissonandanangr yTammi,herfacewasred
andherhai
rmessy ."Sheki
ll
edher!!I
t'
sal
lherf
ault
!!
Shewill
payfort
his!!Ihat
eher!
"Khenanwas
confused,"
whatar
eyouonabout .Takeaseatand
tel
lmewhat '
swrong.
"Hewasnowwor ri
edtoo
becauseshewascryi
ng, "
doIlookli
keIwantto
fucki
ngsitdown?Tel
lthatbi
tchtocomedownand
faceme!"
Khenan:It
hinkyouhav
etor
tur
edmydaughter
enough,
nowI '
m myhousei
nfrontofme?
?
Tammi:yourwhor
eofawi
fe!
!Fucky
ourst
upi
d
daught
er!
!

Thandowasnowatt het hebot t

om oft hest air
s
whil
eKhany istoodatt hetopoft hest airs."Baby?"
Thandoaskedconcer nedandr i
ghtt henTammi
chargedherbutKhenangr abbedherj ustani nch
awayf rom hiswife."I
tsal lyourfault!!You' r
eadev il
!!
Youbi t
chkill
edmymom! !"Thet earsst ar t
edt ofl
ow
downThando' sfaceandshet ookast epcl oserto
theTammi whowast ryi
ngsohar dtogetoutof
Khenan'sgrip.Sheputherar msar oundTammi ,"
I'
m
sorr
y .
"Shewasst il
ltryi
ngt ogetf ree, "y
ou' r
enot !
!
Youkill
edmymommy !!Iwantherback! !Iwantmy
mommy !!"Shewai l
edsohar dandThandosi gnall
ed
forKhenant olethergowhi chhedid.Tammi was
sti
llfi
ghti
ngbutThandowoul dn'
tlethergo, "
letgoof
me!!Youki ll
edher !
!Youkil
ledher.
"Shekept
repeati
ngbutThandohel dherti
ghtunt ilshehadno
fi
ghtleftinher.Shewasnowsobbi ngl oudlyand
Thandoj ustheldherinherarmst i
llshehadno
energytocr yanymor e.Herbodycollapsedont he
fl
oorslowl ybri
ngingThandodownwi t
hher .Theysat
ont hecoldtil
esst i
l
lineachother
'sar ms." I
'm so
sorrybaby .
"We'retheonlywordsthatcoul descape
Thando'sl i
ps,"
I'
m sosor r
y."
Tammi wasnowsni f
f i
ngandshehadhi ccups, "
baby
pleasegethersomewat er.
"Shesai dlooki ngat
Khany iwhowasst i
ll
f r
ozenatt het opoft hest air
s.
Shedi dn'
tmove,"Khany i
, waterplease. "She
snappedoutofhert ranceandwal kedt ot hekitchen
comi ngbackwithagl assofwat ert hatshehanded
tohermom.Thandohel pedTammi drinkthewat er
andkeptr ubbi
ngherbackandhead." Arey ouok? '
'
Tammi noddedsli
ghtly,"wanttosi tont hecouch
andt el
lmewhathappened? "Theposi tiont heywere
i
nwasv er
yuncomfor
tabl
e,Tammi
noddedandt
hey
gotupandsatont
hecouch.

*
***Thando

Igotonei ft het hrowsandputi tov erhershoul ders

andsatnextt oher ."Whathappenedchi ld?"Tammi
didn'tspeakshej ustzonedoutf ort helongestt i
me.
Shewasst ari
ngi nt ospaceandIknewIwasn' t
getti
ngany thingoutofhert onight."Letmef i
xy ou
upsomet hingt oeat ."Igotupandsi gnall
edf or
Khany itocomesi twi t
hherwhi chshedi dreluctantl
y.
Iwentt otheki tchenandf oundKhenanont hephone.
Iwasdi shingupwhenhef inished, "wegoingt osee
whathappenedt her e."Il
ookedathi m shocked, "You
can'tgoal one. "Hegav emeahugandki ssedmy
forehead,Dumi andI cearecomi ngwi t
h.Iletouta
sighofr el
ief ,
"becar ef ul
,thatmani sdanger ous. "He
kissedmyl ipst hist i
me, "Don' twor ryaboutme, take
careoft hatchi ld...sheneedsy our ightnow."Wi th
thathel ef
tandIwar medupt hef ood.Byt het i
meI
gott otheloungeKhany iandTammi hadf al
l
en
asleep.Khany ihadherarm overher
,Ismiledeven
thoughIwi shedt hesit
uati
onwasbet t
er.Igott
hem
abl anketandsatacr ossthem wi
thathrowwaiting
tohearf rom Khenan.

*
***
*Khenan.

WhenIgott otheKingresidenceDumi wasalr

eady
ther
eandhegotoutt hecart omeetme.Wehada
manhugandIgav ehim abr i
efexplanati
onasto
whathadhappened." I
cewi l
lbejoiningussoon, t
his
mani sunpredi
ctabl
esoIcan' tt
aket hechance."I
dial
edIce,"
whereYou? .
..
.okwei r
dgoi nginthr
ough
thefront
."

IreportedtoDumi t
hatI
cewasatt heback, wedrew
ourweaponsandmadeourwayi nside.Wef oundMr
Kingsit
tingonthefl
oorholdi
nghiswifewhowas
coveredinblood,
hehadhisgunonhi slapandwas
holdi
ngagl asswit
hanotherhand.West eppedin
slowl yandhequi cklygothi sgun.Thi sguyi sa
trainedki ll
er ;Idon' tknowwhatt hef uckwewer e
thinking.Hepoi nt edhi sgunt ohi shead, "take
anot herst epandI 'll
doi t
."Wef r
ozei nourt rack, of
cour sewedi dn'twanthi mt odot hat." Easyt i
ger ."
Dumi sai d,"itdoesn' thav etoendt hisway ."Hel etgo
ofhi swi feandherl i
f el
essbodydr oppedt ot hef loor.
Shehadagunwoundi nherheadandsev er alot hers
onherchest .Whatki ndofamandoest hist ohi s
ownwi f e.West oodt herenotknowi nghowt o
proceedunt ilIcewal kedi n,"thef uck? "Ki ngpoi nt ed
hisgunatI cewhodi dn'tseem phasedbyal lthis,He
puthi sgunont hecouchandwal kedt owar dsKi ng,
"stopr i
ghtt her eIce, IswearI '
m goi ngt opul lthe
tri
gger ."Icedi dn' tstopunt il
hesatdownacr ossKi ng
l
eani ngi noneoft hechai rs,hegr abbedt hegl ass
thatKi ngwasdr inkingf r
om, "
somet hingsj ustnev er
change. "Hesai daf t
ert akingasi p,"onl yt hebest .
"
Het ookanot hersi p,"whatar eyoudoi nher eI ce? "I
wassoconf used, Ihadt ogetSphadownher e.Hi s
empl oy ee,hi smess.It urnedt owal kout , "wher et o
pret t
yboy ?"Il ookedathi m, "smokebr eakwhi l
ey ou
catchupwi thy ourmat e.
"Idi dn'
tgot of ar , Icoul d
sti
l
l heart
hei
rconv
ersat
ionwhi
l
egi
vi
ngSphat
he
detail
s.
I
ce:
whathappenedKi
ng?
Ki
ng:
whaty
out
alki
ngabout
?
I
ce:
youst
oppedt
aki
ngy
ourmedi
cat
ion?
Ki
ng:
youknowhowt
hatshi
ttur
nedme.
I
ce:
itcal
medy
ou.
Ki
ng:
Iwasr
etar
dedwhenIwasdr
uggedup.
I
ce:
youwer
esane.

Iwalkedi nasI cewaspour inganotherglass,"what

didshedo? "Iceaskedev ersocalmly,"
shewasa
badgirl
."Kingsai drockingbackandf ort
h, hi
sgun
wasst i
llpointedatIce."Whatabouty ourdaught er
?"
Kinglookedupi mmedi atel
y,"
whereisshe? ?Wher e
i
smygi r
l??"Iceshookhi shead,"Ishouldbeaski ng
youthat."Kingst ar
tedshakinghisheadv i
gorously
andhitti
nghi sheadwi thhisgun,"Tammi !!Tammi !!
"
I
ce:
she'
snother
e!!
Ki
ng:Shutup!
!Justshutt
hef
uckup!
!Br
ingmemy
pr
incess!
!
I
ce:
Idon'
thav
eher
.
Ki
ng:
whyar
eyouher
e??

Hewasnowr ocki
ngharderandshakinghi
shead
moreandbeati
ngonitharder.Hewasstar
ti
ngto
bl
eed,"
Kingyou'
rehur
ti
ngy oursel
f.
"
Ki
ng:
Kingi
sabadboy
!!Badbadboy
!
I
ce:
giv
emet
hegunKi
ng.
Ki
ng:
youcan'
tsav
emet
hist
ime.

Hewaslikeacrazyper
son,andsuddenl
ypoi
ntedt
he
gunatI
ceagain."Wher
eisshe."

"King!
"Weall
turnedaroundandf oundSpha
standi
ngbehi
ndus, Ki
ngstoodupl aughi
ngwhile
standi
ngatatt
enti
on."Ateasy.
"Sphasaid,hewasin
unifor
m andi
fImustadmi thelookedint
imidat
ing.
"Explainyour self
,"hesai dasser t
ivel
y!"Chief...I
'm
sorry."Heraisedhi sgunandshothi mselfint he
head." NO!!
"I cescr eamedoutl oud.Therewasbl ood
alloverthewal landI cerant ohim almostcat ching
hisbodybef oreithitt heground."No. .
.no...no!"I'v
e
nev erseenicegett hisemot i
onal,heheldKi ng's
body ,"Noman! !No! "Sphat urnedaroundt ol eave
withhi sheaddown, "you'r
ehappy ? ?
"Askedanangr y
Ice,Sphast oodi nhi st r
acksandt urnedjustonl yhis
head, "Ar
ey ouhappynow? "

Ididn'
tunder standwhatwasgoi ngon, "thi
swashi s
doing,Ididn'
thav ethegunt ohi shead."Wi ththathe
walkedoutandt hensomemenwal kedinsidewi th
camerasandst artedtakingpictur
es.Icest oodup
andwal kedout , "
Ice..
."Iranafterhi
m.Hewentout
thebackandi ntohi scarbef or
eIcoul dcatchhi m.I
tri
edhisphonebuther ej
ectedmycal landt henit
wenttov oicemai l af
terthat.Whatthehe' ll
wasgoi ng
onhere?
[
11/
23,
18:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode144
Myphoner angasImademywayt owardst hecar
anditwasThando, "
heybaby ,I'
m sorr
yt ocal l
butI'
m
tooworried."Il
etoutasigh, "
Khenanwhat '
swr ong,
areanyofy ouhur t
?"Icouldn'
tholditin,"
Heshot
himself
."Thandobr okedownandIhear dshuf f
li
ng,
"whatyoumean?Whathappened? ?Baby ,
youdon' t
underst
and. "Shewasf r
eakingoutandt hat'sexactl
y
whyIwant edt otel
lherfacetof ace,
"I'
ll
expl ai
n
whenI '
m home.Justgi veme30t oanhour ."

IlookedforSphabuthewasnowher etobeseen, hi
s
team confir
medt hathehadl eft
.WhenItr
iedhiscel
l
i
twentst rai
ghttov oi
cemail."Wantt
otel
lmewhat
thatwasal labout
?"Ishrugged,"Iwi
shIknew."
Dumi
:howdi
dyougetcaughtupi
nal
loft
his?
?
Me:hisdaughterwasbull
yi
ngKhany
iatschool
..
.I
honest
lydi
dn'tthi
nkitwoul
dgettot
his.
Dumi
:andhowdoesheknowI
ce?
Me:
beat
sme.
..honest
lyIdon'
tknow.
Dumi
:IbetSphadoes.
Me:
li
kehe'
dev
ert
ell
me.
Dumi
:buthe'
dtel
lme.
Me:
Idon’
tthi
nkweshoul
dgeti
nvol
ved.

Dumi :
What ?Youdr agmeouther etowat chaman
blowhisbrainsoutaf t
erkil
li
nghiswife.Andy ousay
notgetinvolved,whenIseet hetoughestguyIknow
breakdowni nf r
ontofus.Againy ousayletitgo,di
d
youseeSpha?Okhewasn’ tshookaboutwhat
happened,almostl i
kehewant edhimt odie.
Somet hi
ngisgoi ngonandIwi ll
gettot hebottom of
thiswhetheryoul i
keitornot.

Me:
Thesepeopl
edon’
tmeanany
thi
ngt
oyou.

Dumi:
yetwefoundour sel
vesint
hatroom…t herei
s
ali
nksomewhere.Idon’tbel
i
eveincoinci
dences.
Iletoutasi gh,becauseIknewIwasn’ tgoi ngt o
changehi smi nd, “
Ineedt ogot el
lThandowhat
happened, canwemeetupt omor r
owandf indaway
forward?”webot hwentoursepar ateway ,Igot
homeandf oundt heki dssleepingont hecouch.
Thandowasn’ tinourr oom, If
oundheri nLakhi we’s
room theywer eplayingt heplaystat i
on, “
heyguy s,
”I
saidkissingLakhi we’shead, “
dad!”hepr otestedand
Ilaughed, “whyar eyouup. ”Heshr ugged, “couldn’t
sleep.”Irubbedhi shead, “
alri
ghtbuddy ,l
ookIneed
totakey ourmom away .Trygetti
ngsomesl eep.”He
switchedhi sTVof fandThandof ollowedmeoutof
theroom andt othebarar ea,Ipour edmy selfadr i
nk.
Ihateddr inkingi nfrontofherbecauseshecoul dn’t
,
butIneededt hisdrink.Shesatont hebar stooland
l
ookedatme, Itookadeepbr eathe, “
whathappened
therebaby ? ”Ishookmyhead, “I
’m nott oosur e,we
foundhi m hol dinghi sdeadwi feandt henI cewal ked
i
n.Theyknoweachot her.”
Thando:
Whatdoy
oumean?

Me:
Icewal
kedi
nandcal
l
edhi
m byname.

Thando:
May
beanol
dfr
iend?

Me:I
t’
smoret hanthat,t
hisKi
ngguyiscrazy.He
wasonmedication,seemsasthoughthestopped
t
aki
ngitandthat’swhyheshothiswife.

Thando:
Wai
t,l
i
kecr
azycr
azy
?

Me:yip,
hewasr ocki
ngbackandfor
thli
keababy
andbanginghi
sgunagainsthi
shead.Hewas
hur
ti
nghi msel
fandIcet
ri
edtocalm hi
m downbuti
t
di
dn’twork.

Thando:
didhesaywhyheki
l
ledher
?
Me:Notreal
l
y,somet
hingabouthernotl
i
steni
ng.
Butt
hat’
snotthewor
st.

Thando:
Whathappened?

Me:Sphawal
kedin,andt
hat
’swhenIsawt
hatKi
ng
wasreal
l
ypsycho.

Thando:
hmmm?

Me:Hest ooduplikealmostt
osal
ute,
buthewas
l
aughing.Hejustsaidhe’
ssorr
yandblewhi
sfucki
ng
br
ainsout.

Thando:
Whatdi
dSphasay
?

Me:
That
’st
hewei
rdpar
t,hedi
dn’
tcar
e,andhe
t
urnedandwal
kedaway
.Icewasdev
ast
ated.

Thando:
Howso?

Me:
Likehej
ustl
osthi
sbr
other
,li
kecl
oset
otear
s.

Thando:
Yout
hinkt
heyar
erel
ated?

Me:Baby
,yousawMrKi
ng.Nope,
plust
heyar
edi
ff
r
aces.

Thando:
Maybet
heyar
enotbl
oodr
elat
ed,
youknow
armyshi
t.

Me:
ButI
ce…

Thando:
Yeah.
Iletoutasigh,hadn’tt houghtaboutt hat.WhenI
foundIcehewasont hestreetandhadr unfr
om the
armybecauset heymadet hem kill
inginnocent
peopleandst ealingfrom othercount r
ies.Theyhad
rogueoperationsandhedi dn’twantt obeapar tofit
,
hedidn’tgi
vemuchdet ail
s.Icedoesn’ tgiv
edetail
s
aboutany t
hingr eal
ly.Thandomi ghtber i
ght,byt
he
ti
meIwasdonet hi
nkingabouti tThandowasont he
phoneandi twasonspeaker ,“doy ouseewhatt he
ti
mei s?”

Thando:
Ineedy
ourhel
p.

Keenan:
What
?

Thando:
Iwantt
ofi
ndoutaboutI
cebei
ngi
nthe
armyornav
y.
Keenan:
Whydon’
tyouaskhi
m?

Thando:
Becausei
t’
sIce.

Keenan:
Ican’
thel
pyout
her
esi
si.

Me:
Keenan,
it’
simpor
tant
.

Keenan:Ipr
omisedhimthatIwon’tl
ookint
ohis
past
.Plus,I
ceknowshowt ocoveruphistr
ackssoI
wouldn’
tfi
ndanythi
ng.

Thando:
thi
sisamat
terofl
i
feanddeat
h.

Keenan:
No.Ihav
etogo.
Hecutthecall;
okIknewt hatI
ceandKeenanhad
got
tenclose.Butt
hiscl
ose?Iwasshocked.Wetried
I
ceagainandaspr edi
cted,st
rai
ghtt
ovoicemai
l.

*
***
*Thando

Welethi
m bef ort
henightandwewentt obed.
Whenwewokeupt henextmorningthegirl
sweren’
t
onthecouchIfoundthem i
nKhany i
’
sr oom get
ti
ng
dr
essed.Iassumedtheyhadjustbathed,Ihear
d
them tal
kbeforeIwalkedin,“
y ourmom iscool
though,andshepulledagunonmydad.Shehas
ball
s,mymom woul dhavenev erdonethat
,shewas
ascaredy-cat
.”Khanyikeptquietandthenspoke,
“mymom woul ddoany t
hingtokeepmesaf e,and
may beyourmom wasdoi ngthesamet hi
ng.”

Tammi
:Whatdoy
oumean?

Khany
i:Maybeshewasstay
ingwi
thy
ourdadsoshe
canpr
otectyouf
rom hi
m.

Tammi snif
fed,“but…”shepausedandshest ar
ted
cryi
ngagainandIopenedt hedoorandwalkedin.
Khanyiwasrubbi ngherbackandcomf or
ti
ngher ,
I
watchedthem forawhi l
eunt i
lshecal
meddown,
“morni
ngladies.”TheygreetedmebackandIasked
Khanyitogiv
emeamomentwi t
hTammi.Ipull
ed
thechai
randsatacr ossher ,“
howareyoufeeli
ng?”
sheshrugged,“Ihatehim.”
Me: Iunder
standwhyyouwouldfeelt
hatway
.But
youneedt ounder
standthaty
ourfat
herwasver
y
sickandthatmadehim dowhathedid.

Tammi:Buthewasonthemedicat
ion,
UncleSam
sai
difhetakest
hemedici
net
henhewi l
lgetbet
ter
.

Me:Hest
oppedt
aki
ngt
hemedicati
on.Hashe
st
oppedt
aki
nghi
smedi
cat
ionbefor
e?

Shenodded,“
wantt
otell
mewhathappened?
”she
l
etoutasigh,
“hewant
edtobur
nthehouseandki
l
l
usal
l.
”

Me:
Whydi
dhewantt
obur
nthehouse?
Tammi:Heusedt
ohearv
oices,andt
heywere
cal
l
inghi
m.Theywant
edhim backonther
anger
s.

Me:
Ranger
s?

Her
:Thearmypeopl
e,t
heydidbadt
hingsandt
hat
’s
whydadandUncl
eSam lef
t.

Me:
Wher
eisUncl
eSam?

Sheshr ugged, “
heonl ycomeswhenIneedhi m.”Il
et
outasigh, “y
ouhav eotherfami l
ybesideshim?”she
shookherhead, “baby,uhm…y ourdad,heshot
hi
msel flastnight.”Shedidn’tsayanythingjust
nodded, “ar
ey ouokay ?”shenoddedagai nanddidn’
t
cry
,“Let’sgetsomebr eakfast.
”
Wewal keddownst ai
rsandthef amil
ywassit t
ingin
thediningr oom andIsignal
l
edt oKhenan,wewent
i
ntot hekitchen,“what
’sIce’
srealnameagai n?”he
shrugged,“ comeonbabe, Kim sai
dittheti
mewe
wereatt hehospi t
alwit
hAbebi.”Hescr at
chedhi s
head, “
didshenotsaySam? ”

Hi
m:Whyi
sthi
simpor
tant
?

Me:Tammisay
sshehasanUncl eSam thatusedt
o
bei
nthear
mywi t
hherdad.It
hinkthati
sIce.

Hi
m:Ok,
may
bebutt
hatdoesn’
tbr
inghi
m back.

Me:
Shesai
dhewi
l
lcomei
fseeneedshi
m.

Hi
m:Soshecancommuni
cat
ewi
thhi
m?
Me:
Ithi
nkso,
Idon’
tknowhowt
hought
.

Hi
m:Fi
ndoutandgethi
m her
e.

Me:
Shesai
dsomet
hingaboutt
her
anger
s.

Hi
m:Fuck,
yes…t
het
att
oo!

Me:
Tat
too?

Hi
m:Let
’sgo…

Me:
Theki
ds?

Hi
m:Onl
yanhourorso.
Hewentupst airsandIwentt ot
hedi ningroom,they
wereal l
eating.“Uhm listenguyswehav etogof ora
while.Tammi i
st hereany t
hingyouneedmet oget
foryouf rom yourhouse? ”shedirectedmei nher
room togetar adio,
wei r
d.Iwentt ochange; I
brushedmyt eethandwashedmyf ace.Thisfel
tli
ke
oldtimesandmyhear twasbeat ingoutofmychest .
Iwor eblackleggingandbl acksneaker sanda
hoodie.

Wegott othefarmhouseandt heguyswer ethere,

wewenti nt
othecomput erroom andKhenansat
down.Hest ar
tedt y
ping‘
theRangers’Canestoodup,
“whatkindoftroubl
ehavey ougott
eny oursel
finto?
”
heaskedmov ingtowardsthescreens,“youknow
them,’
Iasked.
Cane:
Whatt
hef
uckhav
eyougot
teny
our
sel
fint
o?

Ishrugged,“
it
’snotme.”Thepi
ctur
epoppedup,
“r
ightIce,
Ishouldhav
eguessed.”Hesai
dsit
ti
ng
backdown, “
Cane,whatisit
?”

“Theseguy sdon’ tli

stentoany one;theyar ethe
scari
estofscar y.Theyar eanar mygroupt hatdoes
covertoperationsonl ytheyknowabout .Therear e6
ofthem andt heirleader,theoper at
ionwasshut
downandt heyhav espli
tup.Butr umourhasi tt
hat
l
eaderi sst
illoperat i
ngwi t
hsomeoft hegang.They
arenowspr eadar oundindi f
ferentprovincesand
dif
ferentdepar t
ment sofSANDF…”hesai dandt hen
conti
nued,“ Gaddaf i,
wast hem, Radama, Samuel
Doe…shoul dIcont inue?”Ilookedathim blanklyand
thensomet hingcaughtmyey e,‘
wait
,andgoback. ”
Khenanl ookedupatme, “what?”Iwalkedov erto
him, “
gobackt ot hepreviouspictur
e.”Hedi d,“zoom
i
nher e,”Ipoint
edt oay oungSpha, “woah…f uckt hi
s
shit
…whati sgoingon?I ceneedst ocomebackand
explai
nhi mself
.”Ipickedupmyphone, “I
’l
lseey ou
backathome. ”

Igrabbedt hekeysanddrovetotheKingresi
dence
andl ookedinTammi ’
sroom andfoundanar my
radio.Whatisshedoingwithoneofthese?Ipacking
i
ti nabagpackIf oundinherroom al
ongwi t
haf ew
clothesbeforeheadi
ngout.
*
***
***

“Areyouhappynow,
youevent
uall
yki
ll
edhim.”He
stoodup,“
Thisi
swhatyouwantedal
lal
ong.”

Spha:
Youwi
l
lnott
alkt
omet
hatway
?

I
ce:
Orwhat
?

Spha:
Kingwasunst
abl
eandy
ouknowi
t.

I
ce:
Didy
ouensur
ethathet
ookhi
smedi
cat
ion?
Spha:
Thatwasn’
tmyr
esponsi
bil
i
ty.

I
ce:Ohy esIf
orgot,
y ourr
esponsi
bil
i
tywast
omake
hi
mt or
tureandkil
lforyou.

Spha:
Youdon’
tknowwhaty
ou’
ret
alki
ngabout
.

I
ce:Ihavepr
ooft
haty
ou’
rest
il
lrunni
ngt
hisshi
t
oper
ati
on.

Spha:
Andwhatwi
l
lyoudowi
thi
t?Youwer
eapar
t
ofi
t.

I
ce:Ihav
enothingt
olose;
Iwas18andj
ust
f
oll
owingor
ders.

Spha:
Don’
ttestmeboy
.
IceLaughed, “Youstop,andt hi
sshitendsnow.Fi r
st
i
twasZombi eandnowKi ng.Youwantt ogetthem
allki
lleddon’tyou?Hisphonebeeped, “thi
sisn’t
over.”HeleftSphainhi soffi
ceangryandf uming.He
pickedupt hephone, “
Ice.
”Theot herpersonkept
quiet,“di
dyouhearwhatIsai d?”

Man:
Butsi
r…

Spha:
Notaquesti
on,bytheendoft
heweekIwant
hi
shead.I
fIdon’
tgetit
,I’
l
ltakey
our
s.

Man:
YesChi
ef.
Hecutt hecal
landpour
edhimselfadrinkt
hentook
i
tallback.Hethrewt
heglassagainstt
hewall
,
“
fuck!”
[
11/
23,
18:
21]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode145

*
***
**Thando.

“Andt henwhathappens?”IaskedTammi aft

ershe
haddonesomet hi
ngonther adi
o,“
thenheget sa
signalwithmylocati
onandhecomeswher everI
am. ”

Me:
Any
wher
e?

Tammi
:Any
wher
e…andheget
sther
equi
ck.
Me:
Hav
eyouev
erdonet
hisbef
ore?

Tammi
:Justonce.

Il
etoutasi
ghandlookedattheradi
o,“
youdon’
t
havet
olookati
t,hewon’
treply
.”

Me:
whot
aughty
out
his?

Her
:DaddyandUncl
eSammy
.

Istoodup, “
Ihavetobathandhopeful
lyy
ouruncle
willbebackwhenI’m donethenwecandiscuss
funeralandyourl
iv
ingarrangement
.”
Tammi
:Whati
sther
etodeci
de,
Ihav
eahome.

Me:
You’
renotgoi
ngt
oli
vebyy
our
sel
f.

Tammi
:Sam can’
ttakecar
eofme.

Me:
Whyi
sthat
?

Tammi
:He’
stoobusy
.

Me:
We’
l
ltal
kwhenI
’
m done.

Iwentupst
air
stoshowerandchange; Icameback
downandheadedforthekit
chen.Thegirl
sfol
lowed
me;“youguyswantsomethi
ngtoeat?”theynodded
i
nagreementandsatonthebarstoolswhilet
hey
watchedmemakebur gersandchi
ps.“Youguy swill
havetogotoschoolsoonyouknow.”Istart
ed,and
theyj
ustl
ookedatme, “
Tammi yougettospendt hi
s
weekathomeandt hennextweekafterthefuner
al
yougoback.
”IlookedatKhanyi
,“youaregoingthis
week,andt
heny oucantakeFri
dayoff.
”

Khanyi
:Daddyf
oundmeat
eacherwhowi
l
lteachme
athome.

Me:
That
’sgr
eat
,andwhodi
dhedi
scusst
hatwi
th?

Tammi l
aughedandIgav
eheral
ookandshe
st
opped,“wel
l?
”

Khany
i:Ican’
tgobackt
oschool
though.

Me:
Whyi
sthat
?
Khany
i:Ev
ery
onel
aughsatme.

Me:Let
’sseei
ftheywi
l
lsti
llbelaughi
ngwhent
hey
seet
hatyouandTammi ar
ef r
iends.

Khanyinervouslyl
ookedatTammi whogav ehera
smileandrubbedhershoul der.Ismi ledand
conti
nuedtomakef ood, wewer etalkingabout
stupi
dstuffandKhany i
pushi ngherl uckt ohav e
Tammi li
vewi t
hus.Shet hinksshei ssmar t
, “
Uncle
Sammy !!
”Tammi screamedandr ani ntohisarms;
hecroucheddownandenv elopedheri nahugt hat
madeherbr eakdownagai n.“I’m herenow, don’t
cry.
”Theyst ay
edint hatposi t
ionf orawhi l
e, hekept
rubbi
ngherbackandpl ay i
ngwi thherhai r,“
itsok,”
hesaidwithabr eaki
ngv oice.Whowoul dhav e
known,aft
erawhi letheycal meddownand
separat
edtheirhug.Hewi pedawayhert ears,“you
good?”Shenoddedandt heyhel dhandsandwal ked
backtowar dsus,
“youhungry?”helookedatmenot
knowingwhatt osayandjustnodded,“gi
rl
splease
setthetable.
”KhanyiandTammi jumpedupand
tookplatesandglassestosetupinthedinni
ng
room,“beer?”

I
ce:
Yespl
ease.

Igothim abeeranddidn’
tsayany t
hing,“t
hanks.
”I
smiled,
“forev
eryt
hingandtakingcareofher ,
I’
ll
find
heraplacetostayaft
erthefuneral
.”Ilookedathim,
“whatdoy oumean?Wi l
lshebesaf ethere?Is
anyonesafe?”

I
ce:
Whatar
eyouonabout
?

Me:
TheRanger
s.
Ice:
Youdon’
tknowwhatyou’
ret
alki
ngabout
.I
suggesty
oustopbef
orey
ougethurt
.

Me:
Hur
tbySpha?

I
ce:
wil
lyoudr
opi
t?

Me:
YouknowIwon’
tdot
hat
.

I
ce:
Thandot
hisi
sdanger
ous,
andi
t’
sper
sonal
.

Me:Andal
lthet
imesy
ou’
vebeenshotorhur
t
i
nvol
vedi
nmyshi t
?

I
ce:
It’
sdi
ff
erent
.
“Takethatt
othediningroom,”Isaypoi nti
ngtoa
l
argebowl ofchi
ps.Icutthebunsi nhalfandf oll
ow
them,every
thi
ngissetandt heystartbuil
dingtheir
ownbur ger
s.ThenKhenanwal ksin, “
he’sali
ve.”He
sit
sdownandst art
smaki nghisbur ger,“
youhadus
worri
ed.”

I
ce:
Youshoul
dknowbet
tert
hant
owor
ryaboutme.

Khenan:
Arey
ousur
e?

IcenoddedandKhenant ookouthisphoneandsl id
i
ttoI ce,
“you’v
egotthi
s?Ha. ”I
ce’
sey esgr
ew,“that
sonofa- ”Icl
earedmythroat,“
Chil
dren.
”Hestopped,
“fi
nishyourfoodandwe’l
l di
scussoncewe’redone,”
Khenansaidbefor
etaki
ngabit
eofhisburger
.We
atei
nmai nl
ysil
ence,
withTammiaski
ngIce
quest
ionsever
ynowandagain.

Aft
erluncht
heywentt othestudyandItookmy
keysandheadedout.Idial
l
edSpha’soffi
ce,“
CanI
speaktoSphaplease….ThanksI’
ll
hold.
”

Spha:
Hel
l
o.

Me:
Hi,
I’
m ont
hewayt
oyou.

Spha:
IthoughtIsai
dlosemynumber
.

Me:Iwanttodi
scussf
uner
alar
rangement
sforMr
andMrsKing.
Spha:
Howi
sitanyofy
ourbusi
ness?

Me:
CanwespeakwhenIgett
her
e?

Spha:
I’
ll
tel
ltheguy
stoopenf
ory
ou.

Me:
Seey
oui
nabi
t.

Icutt hecall
,Sphathi
nkshe’ssmar t
.Igett
othe
baseandt heguysscaneveryt
hingandletmein.Isi
t
outsidehisoffi
ceforabout10mi nutesbef
orehi
s
secretaryl
etsmei n,“
takeaseat.”

Me:
Howar
eyou?
Hi
m:Nev
erbet
ter
.

Me:Andhowdoyoufeel
aboutt
her
ecentact
ivi
ti
es
t
hathavet
akenpl
ace?

Hi
m:It
houghty
ouwer
eher
etodi
scussf
uner
al.

Me: Wel
ldi
scussi
ngther
easonwhythereisa
funer
ali
nthefi
rstpl
acei
spartofi
t.Wouldn’
tyou
say?

Hi
m:Ar
eyout
ryi
ngt
osayt
hisi
smyf
aul
t?

Il
ookedathi
m shocked,
“Isai
dnosucht
hing.
”

Spha:
Whatdoy
ouwant
?
Me:
Why
?

Spha:
What
?

Me:Iwarnedyouthi
swouldhappen;
ever
ybody
knowsthatmanisnotst
able.

Spha:
Iwasn’
tawar
e,hewasagoodmar
ine.

Me:AndRanger
,especi
all
ywhenhewasn’
tonhi
s
medsri
ght
?

Hedidn’
tsayanyt
hing,“
wellhowdoesev ery
thing
work,t
hestat
econtri
buter
ight?”Helookedfuri
ous
andthati
sexact
lywhatIwant ed,
“Iwanttodiscuss
thiswit
hhisfamil
y.
”Istoodup;wellt
ellmewhen
youdon’tf
indthem becauset
heirdaughteri
s
stayi
ngwit
hme. ”

Hi
m:We’
l
lcont
actt
hef
ami
l
ynumber
swehav
eon
f
il
e.

Me:
Shoul
dIgi
vey
ouI
ce’
snumber
?

Hi
m:I
fhei
sli
stedt
henIwi
l
lbesur
etocal
lhi
m.

Me: What’
sthepoint;you’
rehavinghimf ol
lowedand
thenwhat?Ki l
lhi
mt oo?We’rerunningaroundin
cir
cleshere;
justgiv
emeacal l
wi t
ht he
arrangements…twoday s.
Itur
nedar oundtowal kawaybutIdidn’
tmakeitto
thedoorwhenher oughlygr
abbedmeandpi nned
meont hewal k.“Thandoyoudon’tgett
otal
kt ome
l
ikethat.
”hisgripwast i
ghtaroundmyneck,“you
bett
erletgoofme. ”

Hi
m:Orwhat
?

Me:Ireal
lywasi nlovewithamonsteratsomepoint
i
ntime,andher eyouwer eaccusi
ngKhenanofbeing
abadguy.I’
m gl adyoufuckedthatwhor
e,I’
m gl
adI
l
ostyourbaby!!YoudisgustmeandIcan’tstandthe
si
ghtofyourface.

Ispatinhisfaceandhegotangr y
,I’
m onl
ydoing
thi
sbecauseIknowSphawoul dnev erhur
tme.Litt
le
didIknow, hesl
appedmewitht hebackofhi
shand
andIfell
tot hefl
ooronmybutt.Iwantedtoshow
histr
uecoloursandf eelbadf ortheshi
tthatchil
d
wenttoandf orhimt ost opplay i
ngGod.Hewas
fumingwhichonl yprov edhisguiltandhewasgoi ng
topayforit
.Igotupl aughingathi m,“
IfIlosethi
s
babybecauseofy ou…sohel pyouGod. ”Hiseyes
poppedopen, “ThandoI …”Iputmyhandupst opping
him midsentence, “
don’ t
…y oukill
edthatfamil
yand
you’
regoingtogetwhat ’
scomi ngforyou.”

Spha:
Thandowhatdowant
?

Me:
Just
ice.

Spha:
Whatdoy
oucar
e?

Me:
Shecamet ome;shebl
amedmeforher
mot
her
’sdeat
h.Andnowsheisl
iv
ingwi
thme,and

Spha:
Youdon’
tknowwhaty
ou’
reget
ti
ngy
our
sel
f
i
nto.

Me:
Haha,
soy
ouar
enotdeny
ingi
t?

Spha:
Hehadt
odi
e.

Me:
AndIhav
etol
eav
e.

Iwasshaki ngwhenIlefthi
soffi
ceandIwasshi t
scaredofhi m.Butatt
hesamet imeIcouldn’
tshow
himt hat.Igott
omycarandt ookabreatherand
thendr ovehome.Myphoner ang,“
heydad…”

Zee:
Wher
ear
eyoumybaby
?

Me:
I’
m onmywayhomef
rom Spha,
somet
hing
wr
ong?

Zee:
Comepi
ckmeup.

Me:
Dad,
you’
reont
heot
hersi
deoft
own.

Zee:Youknowmykneesar
ebadanddr
ivi
ngf
ucks
them up.

Iletoutasigh,“youbett
ernotbeupt oyourtr
icks.”
Hel aughed,“
I’
llseeyouinabit.
”IhungupasIdr ove
tohishouse.Ijustwantedtogethomeact ual
ly,I
hoot ed3ti
mesathi sgateandhecameoutcar ry
ing
aduf fel
bag.Iroll
edmyey es,“
spendingtheni
ght ?
”
Hel aughedgetti
ngintotheback,“
don’tgett
oo
excited.
”
Me:
Arey
ougoi
ngt
omakemey
ourchauf
fer
?

Hi
m:Ohstopwhi
ninganddr
ive;
taket
heM6ont
o
t
heM62.

Me:
What
?Itwi
l
ltakemeov
eranhourt
ogethome.

Hi
m: Ineedt
opassbyaf
ri
end’
sanddr
opsomet
hing
of
f.

Iwasangry,“
Zenon, Idon’thavetimeforyour
games.”Helaughed, “
Justdr i
ve.
”Istart
edt hecar
andspedinthedirecti
onhewant edmet ogo, “Ilov
e
thi
ssong…pleaset urnitup!”Il
ookedathimi nthe
mirr
orandhewasl ookingdown, concentr
atingon
somethingonhislap.Iturnedthev ol
umeupona
gqom’songthatwaspl ay i
ngont heradioanddr ove
on.“M6…y ou?Good…”hewasont hephone; he
l
eanedandki ssedmycheek, “M6t henM62andt hen
strai
ghthome.What every oudodon’ tst op.”Bef oreI
couldsayany t hi
ngt ohi m heki ckedoutt herear
windowandposi tionsanaut omat i
csni perinpl ace.
Hest ar t
edacountdown, “t
hree…t woand…”he
start
edf i
ri
ngataf ewcar st hatcameupf rom behi nd
us.Shot swer ebei ngf i
redbackandIal most
screamed, whatt hehel lwast his?Idr ov ewi thout
evenl ookingatt her ear -viewt oseewhowas
shootingatus, “
bul l’
sey e!!”heshout edbef oregoi ng
downandget tinganot hergunt henbackt oshoot ing.
I’
m driv i
ngdownt her oadl i
keamani ac; i
tisqui et
goingar oundt her eser veandIi mmedi ately
underst andwhywe’ ret akingt hisr out e.Thel oud
bangbr i
ngsmebackt or ealit
y; Zenoni sundoi nghi s
weaponsandpl aci ngt hem i nt heduf fel bag.Ther e
i
sonl yonecarf ollowi ngusandZenonj umpst ot he
passengerseat ,“takey ournextl eft.Idon’ taskbut
doasi nstr
uct ed, wedr iveabi tandt henhet ell
sme
tostop; whi chIdowi t
houthesi tating.Thecart hatis
foll
owi ngusst opst oo, “l
et ’
sgo. ”Itakeadeep
breathe, I
’m shaki ngbutIt r
yt ocomposemy selfand
stepoutofthecar .Dumi stepsoutoft hecarbehi nd
usandwal kst owar dsanothercar ,“
issheal r
ight?”
heasksZeeanddoesn’ tev enlookatme, Zeenods
i
nagr eementbef or eopeningt hebackseatoft he
car.Theystartthecaranddr iveoff,“
getthef l
ight
ready…arey ouaf uckingidiot?Idon’twantabi gzed
i
nt heair
…good. ”Hecutt hecal landthenlookedat
Dumi andnodded.Wewer eall i
nsil
entuntilwegot
home, wewal kedi nandt hekidswer eallthere.“You
ready?”Dumi askedKhenanwhonodded.Iwasj ust
standi
ngther etil
lKhenanwal kedtome, “heyar eyou
ok?”Inodded, “arey ousure?”

Me:
Whathappened?

Hi
m:I
’
llexpl
ainont
heway
.

Hewal
kedoutandl
eftmei
ntheki
tchen;
Iopened
thefr
idgeandt ookoutabottl
eofwater.Ifeltapai
n
i
nmyabdomen, nothisi
snothappening.Iwas
holdi
ngontomyst omachwhenKhenanwal kedin,
“baby,ar
ey ouok?”Inodded,“
youdon’tlookit.
”I
breat
hein,“thi
sisjustal
ltoomuch,andIalmost
died,
butI’m good.
”

Hi
m:Ar
eyousur
e?

Me:
Yeah,
wher
ear
ewegoi
ng?

Hi
m:I
’
m get
ti
ngy
out
othedoct
or.

Dumi wal
kedin,
“doctor
?”Igav
eKhenant helook,we
hadn’
ttol
dourfamil
yaboutthepr
egnancy ,
“sheisn’
t
feel
i
ngwell.
”Dumi l
ookedatmeworri
ed,“yout hi
nk
youcanholdonforaboutanhour
?We’llorganisea
doctorwheny ougettoLesot ho?”Inodded, “j
ust
hanginthereangel.
”Hehel pedmei nt othecar ,
actual
lywasamov i
ngv an.Dumiclosedt hedoor
andwest art
edmov ing.Khenanexpl ainedtome
whathappenedaf t
erIl eftSpha’
sof fice,hesenthis
guysaftermel i
kehedi dwi t
hIce.Lucki l
yDumi was
goingtoseehim andt hatwaswhenhespot tedthe
guysfoll
owingme.Theyar emov ingusandwi ll
take
downt hi
sshadyoper ation.HonestlyIwasr el
ieved
becauseIwaspr egnantandIdi dn’twantt obeinthe
middleofit
.

Il
ookedar oundthev an,thetwinswer einthei
r
carryingcarseat ssleeping,andLakhiwewasonhi s
i
Padwhi l
eKhany iandTammi werejusttal
king
quietlyinonecor ner.Khenanl etmer estonhi s
chestwhi leherubbedmyt ummy ,“t
hedoct orwi l
lbe
waitingf oryouguy satthehouse.Wedr ovefor
aboutanhourand30mi nutestowhatl ookedlikea
deser tedmi li
tar
ybase.Weal lgotoutandKhenan
helpedwi ththekids,wemetAbebi thereandher
tr
ipletsal ongwiththeirnanny.Mom hadbeenoutof
town,andDumi guaranteedshewassaf e.The
chil
drenwer eallseatedandIwassay ingby etothe
guyswhenKhenanwal kedoutwi thTee, “sheis
cryi
ngf oryou.
”Khenanl ookedwor r
iedaboutme
andkissedmyf orehead.ItookTeef rom him, “I
’
llbe
fi
ne,notlikewehav eachoi ceri
ghtnow. ”Ilookedup
athim andheki ssedmyl i
ps,“we’r
enotl osingthis
baby,thedoctorwi l
lexami neyouwheny ougett here.
Pleaset r
ygett
ingsomet hi
ngt oeatont heway ,Ilove
you.”

Icoul
dn’tbarethethoughtofmel osi
nganother
babyandt hetearsst
artedrol
li
ngdownmyey es.
“Hey,don’tdothat…wewi l
lgetthr
oughthi
s.”I
nodded,“Iloveyouok?”

Me:
I’
m scar
ed.
Hi
m:Hav
eIev
erl
ety
oudown?

Helookedatme,“
trustme,nowgetgoingandmake
sur
ey oukeepmyprincesssaf
e.”Ipout
ed,
andhe
ki
ssedmeagain,“
I’
llseeyouwhenwe’ r
edone.
”

Me:
Pleasedon’
tdi
e.

Hi
m:Theydon’
tcal
lmedi
ehar
dfornot
hing.

I
ce:Nobodycal
l
syouthat
;sor
ryt
obr
eakupt
he
par
tybutwehavesomecl
eani
ngupt
odo!

Khenanki
ssedmeonel
astt
imeandwat
chedme
walkintot hej et.Teewaspl ayingwi t
hmyhai rand
hereyeswer est il
l tear
y, “
andwhywer eyoucr ying?”
Shedidn’ tsayany thingbutputherheadonmychest
andputhert humbi nherlitt
lemout h.10mi nutes
l
aterwewer ei ntheai r,
Abebi wasf eedingher
babieswhi leev eryoneel sesatqui etl
y.Iwasl ostin
thoughtandt ryingt oignoremydi scomf ortwhen
Nadiasatnextt ome, “y
ourhusbandaskedust o
packy ousomet hing.”Shet ookoutachi ckenmay o
sandwi ch,“Ihopet hiswi l
lbeenough? ”Ismi l
edat
herasshepl acedi tont hetablewithabot tl
eof
homemadej uice.Shet r
iedt otakeTeewhowoul dn’
t
budge; Iatewi thheronmyl apandshewasdr i
nking
myj ui
ce.If eltbet terimmedi atel
yaf t
ereat i
ng.The
tri
pwasqui teandwel andedi nLesot hof i
ndingcar s
waiti
ngf orusandwedr oveaway .

Thedr
ivewaslongbutbeauti
ful
;thescener
ywas
magni
fi
centandbreat
htaki
ng.Everyt
hingwasgr
een,
roll
inghi llsandsomehut s;includi ngmoder nday
huts.Wegott oal argeest ateandi tlookedso
traditional,almostl ikeaki ngdom.Apl acef i
tfora
kingt ruly.Ev eryonewast akenbywhatt heysawand
coul dn’tkeept heirmout hscl osed.Wewer egr eeted
byal ady, may beasol dasmymom; shehad
traditional atti
rewi t
hadoekonherhead.She
greet edusandl edusi ntot hehousel eadi ngust o
thel ounge, “
Mr sDeCost a?”sheaskedl ooki ngatme
andInodded, “thedoct oriswai ti
ngf ory ou…t his
way .”Ipl acedTeedownnextt ohersi st erand
foll
owedt hel adyintooneoft hebedr ooms.The
doct ordi dn’tlookl i
keone, hewaswear ingbl ue
ri
ppedj eansandakni t
tedpul l overwi thhi ssl eev es
roll
edup.Thel adyleftus, “Thando, I
’m Lebogang
andI ’
llbey ourdoct orf oryourst ayher e.”Il ookedat
him, “
arey ousur eaboutt hat ?”hej ustl aughedand
wal kedov ert ohisbagandgotouthi sst ethoscope,
“Happy ?”hechuckl edandsi gnal ledf ormet otakea
seatandIdi d.Heaskedwhatwaswr ongandI
expl ained, hedi dhisexam onmeandt henl ooked
wor ried.“Whati sit?”Ilookedathi m wor ri
ed, “
y our
bloodpr essur e…i ti
swayt oohi ghf ormyl iking.”
Me:
Andmybaby
?Howi
she?

Him:Ican’ttellr
ightnow,butmyguessi she’
sgood.
Highbloodpr essuredoesn’
tusual
lyleadtoseri
ous
pr
oblems; weshoul dgetworri
edifit
’suntr
eated.
Andthisisthef i
rstdayyou’
refeel
ingthi
swayr ight
?

Me:
Yeah…an-

Hi
m:And,
thechasewaswhatt
ri
gger
edi
t?

Howdi dheknow?Butatt hi
sstageIwasn’tso
worri
edandInodded.“Stepont hescal
eforme,”I
didastold,
“okandweneedt ogety oufedandthen
I’
l
lgiv
ey ousomethi
ngt ohel
py ourestandthenI’
l
l
checkagainabitl
ater
.”Hepointedinthecl
oset,
“thereisapai rofpy jamasi nt here, andt hey’l
lfi
t.Get
i
nt obedandy ourf oodwi l
lcomej ustnow. ”The
whol etimeIwasqui etandt henhel eft
.Idi dn’tev en
bot herwithshower ingIchangedandt hengoti nto
bedashi sorder .Awhi lelatert herewasaknockon
mydoorandt heni topened, Lebogangwal kedin
wi t
hat rayoff ood.Hehadhi sst et hoscopear ound
hisneck, “ar
ey oual right?”Inodded; hepl acedt he
trayonmyl ap.I tsmel l
eddi vineandmymout h
wat eredinstant l
y,itwaspumpki npap, i
si j
ingiaswe
woul dcallit
.Cr eamedspi nachwi thpul ledpor ki na
sauceandasal sa;hesatt herewat chingmeeat .I
thinkhewant edt omakesur et hatIf i
nishedi t,Idon’t
knowwhybecauset hi sfoodwasj ustdi v i
neand
ther ewasnowayIwasn’ tgoi ngt of i
nish.Af t
erthat
hegav emeapi ll
whi chIt ookwi tht eaandt hensl ept.
[
11/
23,
18:
28]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode162

Thegroupcheeredformeandtheyall
camei nt
oa
grouphugaroundme, If
eltt
hel
ove.Westayedther
e
forafewmor ehour
sdoingsometeambuil
ding
exerci
sesbefor
eweheadeddown, “
SisThandowill
youspendt heni ght ?
”oneoft hegi rl
sasked, Ilooked
atCar l
andshej ustshr ugged, “I’llhav etotalkt o
Rachael abouti t
.”Theycheer ed; Iknowshewasn’ t
goingt osayno, “ canIusey ourphone? ”Car lhanded
meheri phoneandIcal l
edt her est aurantand
order edenoughf oodf ort hehomeandcal ledI cet o
picki tup,Ialsoaskedhi mt opassmyhouseandget
myhandbagandachangeofcl ot hes.Whenwe
arri
v edatt hehomeIt alkedt oRachael aboutmy
stayandshewasmor et hanhappywi thmest ay i
ng,
i
twasonl yoneni ght.Af ewhour sl aterwewer eall
sitt
ingi ntheirdini nghal lhav i
ngsupperandt alking
aboutt heday ’
sev ents.Ev eryoneenj oy edthef ood,
they oungerchi ldr ensl eptwhi lewesati nthel ounge
ont hef l
oorwat chi ngmov iesandhav i
ngsnacks,
“Mom Mar t
ha, cantwej usthav eagl assofwi ne? ”
Mar thal ookedather ,“ WenaPhi ndileusi l
e,just
causewehav eav isi
tor .
”Thegi rlsgiggl ed.
Phi
ndi
:Justone,
it’
saspeci
aloccasi
on.
Nonku:
Chr
ist
masi
stoof
ar.
Car
l:Ther
ear
eaf
ewl
eftov
erboxesf
rom East
er.
Mart
ha:Eveny
ou?Hehe.
..
.hay
iit
’sf
unbecausei
ts
hol
i
days.

Theygotthewi nef rom oneoft heroomsandcame

backwithwhitet umbl ersandtheystar t
eddr i
nking.I
sti
l
lwasn’ttoosur eifIwantedtodrink,soIsi pped
awayslowlyatt hest aleboxwine.Thegi rlsgot
l
ouderandlouderast henightwentbyupunt il
Marthasentthem al ltosleep,“
letmeshowy ou
whereyouwi l
lsleep. ”Ilookedather,“IthoughtI’d
sl
eepwi t
hthegi rls?”
Mart
ha:Ther
eisn’tmuchr
oom t
her
e;y
oucansl
eep
wi
thourteam l
eaders.
Sheledmet oaroom wher etherewere6bedsand
twoofthem werefree,al
lsingl
ebeds.“Whydon’t
youusetherestofthehouse? ”sheletoutasi
gh,
“Come.”Wewentt ot heothersideofthehouse,
it
smeltofmouldandt hewallswer ebl
ackandgreen,
“whathappened?”
Mart
ha:Fl
oodsal
mostt
orethehousedown.We
managedtogett
hewat
eroutbutthemoul
djust
doesn’
tgoaway.Wecl
eani
tandi
tcomesback
worseeacht
ime.
Me:
Howmanychi
l
drendoy
ouhav
eal
ltoget
her
?
Her
:Al
most50,48buttheoldergi
rl
swil
lhaveto
moveoutendofnexty
earandsomet hi
syear.
Me:
Why
?
Her:Theyare18,somearemat r
icul
atingthisy
ear
andthelawjustdoesn’
tall
owust okeept hem.Pl
us
theyhavetomaker oom f
orthenextlot.

ThiswassosadIhadt odosomet hing,shewal ked

mear oundt herestoft hehouse, andt hekitchen
wast oosmal ltobecooki ngf orsomanypeopl e.My
heartjustbr oke,t
hesechi ldrendeser vebetterand
theydon’ tevencompl aintheyarejustt oohappy .We
fi
nishedt het ourandshel edmebackt omyr oom, I
chargedmyphone.Lucki l
ytherewasapl ugpoint
nearmybedandI cehadboughtmyl aptop,Iopened
i
tandst ar tedwitht heemai l
s,condol encesemai ls
fl
oodedi nandIdi dn’tbotherwithanyoft hem.I
wentst raighttoAt andwa’sname; Idon’tknowhow
hewoul dreacttomesendi nghim anemai l.We
hadn’treal
lytal
kedi nawhi l
ebutIsenti tany way,“
Hi,
Ihaveanewexci t
ingpr oj
ect.Iwashopi ngy ou’
dbe
abletohelpmewi thit,
Ineedt hebest.”AndI
pressedsend, wi
thin2mi nutesher esponded, “I
’m
sorryaboutyourpar ents,
sendt hedetail
sandI ’
l
l
thi
nkabouti t
.”
Me:
Thanksal
ot.Howabouty
oucomecheckitout
t
omorr
owmorni
ngandthenyoucandeci
det
hen.
Hi
m: Sendtheaddr
essI
’l
lbet
her
eat8am,
onl
y
av
ail
ablefort
wohours.
Me:
That
’sper
fect
.

Isenthimt headdress;Iknowhewi l
lwanttodoit.
He’sjustplayi
nghardbal l
fornoreason.Igott
o
workont heinter
netanddi dn’
treal
i
seitwasalmost
mor ni
ng,“whyaren’tyousleepi
ng?”ThatwasCarl,
“l
et’
sgoshoppi ng.”Shelookedatherwatch,“
it
’s
only5h30.”
Me:
Whati
syourpoi
nt?
Her
:It
’sear
ly.
Me:Justshowmewheret
hebat
hroom i
s,we’
re
l
eav
ingin10minut
es.

Shegotupandwewentt ot heshower sandwewer e

headingoutat6am.Wedr ovet ot hemar ketandwe
shoppedf orsomef ood, wegotf r
eshpr oduceand
thenwentt ot hef i
shmar ketandst ockedup.We
wentbackandwest artedcooki ngwi t
ht hehel pof
thetwocookst hatwer et hereandwemade
breakf ast.Theki dscamedownandMar t hashout ed
formeatf rom t hef rontdoorwhi l
ewewer edishi
ng
up,“Thando, someonei sheref ory ou.
”Iwal kedto
thedoorandAt andwawasst andi ngther e, “hi
..
.
thanky ouf orcomi ng.Mar t
hat hisisaf riendofmi ne,
he’sacont actorandAt andwat hisi sMar t haandt hi
s
i
sheror phanage.Thi sisournewpr oj
ect .”Hi sface
l
itupandMar thagav emeaconf usedl ookandshe
hadt ear sinherey es, “Thando? ”Ismi ledandhugged
her,“thef oodi sget t
ingcol d,let’
seatandt henwe’ll
tal
kaf ter .
”
Afterbreakf
astthegir
lscl
eanedupwhi
leMar t
ha
tookAtandwaar oundthehome,wewerenowback
atthelounge.“Thandowhatwereyout
hinki
ng?”
Me:
cani
tbedonei
naweek?
Atandwa:
Areyoumad?Wehav etoteart
hiswhol
e
housedownandst
artf
rom scr
atch.
Me:
You’
ret
heonl
yonewhocandoi
t.
At
andwa:
Doy
ouunder
standwhaty
ou’
reaski
ngof
me?
Me:
Cany
oudoi
t?
At
andwa:
We’
l
ltal
ktomor
row.

Heleftandwest artedmaki nglunch,thekidswer e

tooexcit
edaboutt hef oodandRachael camet opick
meup.“ Ijustwantt ot alktotheguy sbef orewe
l
eave.”Mar thasmi l
edandRachael lookedconf used,
thechil
drenwer eal lseatedi nthedininghalland
Marthastoodi nfrontoft hem,“Kids!”They
conti
nuedt otalkanddi dn’tpayheranymi nd,she
whist l
edsol oudwhi chwassounexpect ed.Theyal l
tur
nedar oundandl ookedather ,shesmi l
ed, “Miss
Thandohassomet hingt oshar ewi thyouguy s.”
Theyal lnowpai dat tentionandl istened, Ist oodup
i
nf rontoft hem; “
thanky ouf orhav i
ngme.Yest erday
Ihadsuchaf undayandbei ngher ehashel pedme,
mostofy ouwon’ tunder standbutIappr eciat eal l
of
you.WhatMar thai sdoi ngher eisamazi ngandal l of
youar ejustamazi ngchi ldrenandIt houghtmay beI
candosomet hingt ogi vebackandi nr eturnhel p
Mar tha.Wewi llber ebui l
dingt hehousesowecan
accommodat emor echi ldrenwhoneedhel pl ikey ou
guysonceneeded.Tomor rowy ou’real lheadi ng
downt oDur banwhi lewebr eakdownandr ebui l
dt he
house,upony ourr et urny ouwi llhav eanewhome
withbet t
erl i
vi
ngcondi ti
ons. ”Ther oom wasf ill
ed
withcheer sandchant s,andal otoft ears, t
heki ds
camet ohugmeandkeptsay i
ngt hanky ou.They
woul dbel eavingt omor rowi nt hemor ningand
hopef ul
lyinaweek’ st i
met hehousewoul dbe
compl ete.
Imanagedt ogetabust hatwoul dtaket hechi ldren
andIbookedt hem i nt ooneofKhenan’ shot elsi n
Dur ban.Iwoul dobv iouslybepay i
ngbecauseIdon’ t
wantt ogetmyhusbandbankr upt ,
Iwasont he
comput erandl oggedi ntomyi nternetbanki ng.I
frozef orawhi le,thi scan’ tbeandIr efreshedt he
page.Myhear tst artedbeat ingf ast,“arey ou
alri
ght ?”Snesai dsi ttingnextt ome, “holyshi t!I
knewy ouwer er i
ch, butt hat?Wai thowmanyzer os
aret hose? ”Ilookedather ,“
real l
y?That ’
sr ude.”I
closedt hel apt opandwentt ot hekitchen; Igota
bottleofwi nef rom t hef ri
dgeandpour edagl ass
thensatout si
dehav ingaci garet t
e.Ineededi ttoday ,
andnobodywasgoi ngt ot ellmeany thing.AsIwas
pour ingmysecondgl assSnecameoutandsatwi th
mehav ingj uice, “I’
m sor ryaboutear li
eron. ”Itooka
pull ofmyci gar etteandasi poft hewi ne, “Ididn’t
meant oi nvadey ourpr i
vacy, sorry.
”Ismi ledather ,
“i
t’scool .Wasj ustt hinkingofmyownt hingsand
hadcomet or ealisat ionthatmypar ent swer ereal l
y
nomor e.”Wecont inuedt ospeakunt ilIwenti nsi de
topr epar esupper .
Thenextweekwasv eryemot i
onal f
orme, Ihadmy
therapysessionswit
hRachael andIleti
tallout.I
waspumpi nganddumpingbecausemybr east s
werest art
ingtoachebecauseIwasn’ tf
eeding
anyone.Ev er
ytimeIdiditIf
elttooemot i
onal,one
ti
meIdi al
l
edKhenanandhi sphonekeptsendi ngme
tovoicemai l
.TodaywasSunday ,tomorr
owIwas
goinghomebutIhadonel astthingtodo.

Rachael andIwer eparkedout sidetheor phanast he

buspul l
edont ot hesideoft her oad.Youcoul dhear
thescreamsf r
om abl ockaway ;thechildrenwer e
tooexcited,“youdi dagr eatjob.Isai dgiv i
ng
Atandwaapl ayfulpunch, “anythingf orthechi ldren.
”
Her espondedwi thahugesmi leonhi sface,“ andI
hadsomuchpr essuref r
om y ou, t
heyguy sdi dn’t
sleep.Wewor keddayandni ght.”Ismi l
ed, “
isi tnot
allworthit?
”henodded; thechi l
drencameout
screami ngandj umpingonal l ofus.Mar thacame
outcrying,“Idon’tevenknowhowt othanky ou. ”
Shewasshaki ngandwi pingt hemucusof fwi tha
handkerchi
ef,“t
hechil
dren’sresponsei sallt
he
thanksIneed.”Wewenti nsideandshowed
everyonearound.Theroomshadmaxi mum t hree
kidseachthatmeanttheyhadmor espace, a
comput eri
neachr oom.Ther ewasapr operdining
hall
,cinemaandast ateofthear t
ski t
chen.Al most
l
iketheoneIhadatmyr estaurants,everyonewas
happybutnowi twast i
mef ormet ogot omyf amil
y.

Icepi
ckedmeupatt heorphanageandwedrove
home,“ar
etheybackyet?
”hel ookedatme,“
Khenan
neededali
tt
lebi
tmor et
imesohesentt hechil
dren
aheadwit
hAbebiandKeenan, hewill
come
tomorr
ow.”
Me:
Oh.
..
Him:Thi
swi l
lgiv
ey outi
metosett
lei
nandbe
pr
eparedforthei
rretur
n.Tomor
rowthi
sti
mehewi
l
l
bebackipromise.

Ij
ustnoddedandl
ookedoutt
hewi
ndowf
ort
her
est
oft
hetri
p.
*
***Khenan

Ihuggedev eryoneandt heygotont ot hejetandt hey

headedhomeheadedhome.Ineededj ustal i
tt
lebit
l
ongerandIwoul df oll
owt hem homeadayort wo
l
ater.Ist i
l
l hadn’tsor tedoutmyphonebuti twasa
goodt hingIneededt hebr eakandr est.Igotbackt o
thehot elroom andwat chedamov iewhi l
ehav ing
whiskeyandsnacks, Iwat chedser endipit
y.Thiswas
Thando’ sfav ouritemov iewhi chremi ndsmet hat
Chri
st masi scomi ngupandwehav enopl ans.
Thandonor mal lymadesur ewewer epr epared
weekspr i
ort oChr istmasanddi dal ltheshoppi ngso
wedi dn’thav etor unar ounddur ingt hebusyseason.
Imadeament al not eofi t.Iwasget tingdrunkandI
evencr iedwhi lewat chingt hemov i
e, getagr i
p
KhenanIsai dt omy self
.Ipi ckedupt hephonehot el
phoneanddi al
ledThando’ snumber ;Ialwaysl i
sten
toherv oicemai lbef oresleepi ng.Thephoner ang
andthenIcutbef or eany onecoul danswer .Itooka
deepbr eathandl ookedatt hephone, what?Ihada
cigaretteandabi tmor ewhiskey,maybeI ’
m drunk.I
dial
ledagai nandt histi
mesheanswer ed,“Hel
lo..
.”I
didn’tsayany t
hingandt earsescapedmyey es,
“hell
o...Khenan?”shesai dandIcutthecal l
.Was
sheback?Mywi fecamebackt ome!!Iwashappy
andIi mmedi atel
yl ookedforfl
ight
sleavingtonight,
I
hadt ogoback.WhatwasIev enthi
nkingstaying
behind?

*
***Thando

Icedroppedmeatt hegat ebecausehehadt ogoto

hiswife,whi chIunder st
ood.Iwasf i
dget i
nginthe
baglooki ngf ormykey sandt hephoner angbutt hen
stoppedbef oreIcouldev enpickup.Igoti nsideand
l
ookedar oundt hehouseandt henursery ,
thekids’
room bef oregoingtoourbedr oom.Ist r
ippeddown
nakedandwor eKhenan’ sbasketballj
erseyandgot
abot t
leofchampagnef rom thebarf r
idgeint he
room.Iputi tbackafterreali
singthatIwoul dbe
breastfeedingsoon; Ioptedforjuiceandputona
mov ie.Myphoner angagainandt histi
meIj umped
forit,i
twasthesamei nt
ernati
onalnumber ,
“ Hel
lo.”
Theper sonont heot herenddidn’trespond,“Hell
o..
..
Khenan? ”Tutut u...t
hecallcut.It
ri
edt ocal
l the
numberbackbuti twasengagedandnotgoi ng
through.Isankbackdowni nt
obedandwat chedt he
mov ieti
llif
ell
asl eep.

Thenextmor ningIcl
eanedupt hehouse, Iwant edit
tobeper fectf orwhenKhenanar r
ives.Wecoul d
havet heni ghtaloneandthenIcouldseet he
chil
drent henextday .Iwenttotheorphanagai n,the
kidswer eexci t
edtoseemebutIwant edtot al
kt o
Mar t
ha,“whatani cesurpr
ise,Iwasjustaboutt o
makecof feecome. ”Ismiledbutstoppedher ,
“may belater ,Ihav
esomet hi
ngforyouandt heol der
guys.”Shel ookedatmequi zzi
cal
ly
, “
Not handoy ou
havedonet oomuchal r
eady,andwecannotaccept
anythingmor e.”
Me:Iwasn’
taski
ng,
canyougat
hertheguy
swho
hav
etoleaveatt
heendofthey
ear?
Shedi dn’ tpr otestshewal kedawayandi ssatont he
coucht extingI ce; hei nfor medmet hatKhenanwi l
l
becomi ngsoonert hanexpect ed.Thatgotmer eal l
y
excit
ed, Mar thacamebackwi th4gi rl
sandwe
huggedandgoti ntot hecar .“Doy ouguy swantt o
grabbr unchf i
rst ?”Iasked, theywer efart ooexci ted
anddi dn’twantany thi
ngsoIdr ovetoKhenan’ sol d
house.Hehadwant edt ogetr idofitev ersi ncewe
mov edi nt ot hegl asshouse.Iwasi nmynamesi nce
hetransf er redal lhisasset stomesoIcoul ddo
whatev eri tist hatIpl eased.Theyal ll
ookedateach
otherconf used, “thiswi l
l bey ournewhomewhen
youleav etheor phan. ”Theyal l l
ookedatme
confused; “unl essy ouhav esomewher eel set ogo? ”
theyal lshookt heirheadswi t
ht earsinthei reyes,
“nowy ouobv i
ousl ywon’ tliveher eforev erbecause
wehav et omaker oom fort henextgr oup.Buti twi l
l
betempor aryunt ilyou’reony ourfeetandcanmov e
out.Itwi llhel pinmaki ngt het ransit
ionf rom bei nga
chil
dt oanadul tmucheasi er.Nowcomel et’scheck
i
tout .”Ev ery onegotoutwi t
houtsay i
ngany thing,
theywer ejustal
lamazed.Theyr anintothehouse
andscr eamedast heyent er
edeachr oom before
comi ngbackthugandt hankme.“ Okguy sIcan’t
promi set osendallofyout ouniversi
t ybuthere’s
whatwecanmay bedo.Thef ourofyouguy scango
touni versi
tyandthenwor katmyr estaurantov erthe
weekends.What evermoneyy ouguy sear ncanbe
putawayi ntoasav i
ngsf orthenextgr ouptogot o
universitytoo.Howdoest hatsound?

Martha:
Thati
ssuchagoodi
dea,
don’
tyougi
rl
s
t
hinkso?
Theyal lnoddedandagr eed,“Theut i
liti
esand
what everlevieswi l
lbet akencareofbyme, andso
willthefood.Butcooki ngandcl eaningy ouguyscan
dot hatony ourown.Nowwi pethem t ear saway,
l
et’sgetgoi ng.Ihav eabusyday .”Theyal lhugged
meonel astt i
meandIwentt odropt hem of fbefor
e
headi ngtothesal on.Igotmynai lsdoneandwaxed,
thencutmyhai rint
oabobanddy edi tinanombr e
whiteandpur plewi t
hahi ntofpi
nk.If eltgood;I
wentshoppi ngf orgroceriesandt henmademyway
home.Ipassedbymypar ent
shousetocleanupthe
messIceandIhadlef
t,buttomysurpr
iseitwasall
cl
eanedup.

Itookev erythi
ngoutoft hecarandi nt othekitchen
andst ar
tedchoppingst raightaway ,thenputt herub
ont hemeatandt henl eftittosit.Thev egetables
wer eintheov enandt hepot atoeswer einthewat er
boilingandt henIranupst airst oshowerandget
ready .WhenIgott oourbedr oom, Irant heshower
andst ar
tedstri
pping.Iwasput t
ingonmyshower
capwhenIhear danoi secomi ngf r
om t hebedr oom.
Khenancan’ tbebackal ready ,he’sruiningthe
surpr i
se.Iwalkedoutoft hebat hroom naked,
“Khenan. ”Icall
edouthi snameandhedi dn’tanswer,
ther oom wasempt y.Ireachedf orthegunt hatwas
strappedundert hedr essingt ableandmademyway
tot hecloset.

JustasIenter
edIwashi
tonthefacewit
hahard
objectandIst
umbl
eandfel
l
,droppingt
hegunasI
hitthef loor.Ishookmyheadandopenedmyey es,
wasIseei ngr i
ght?Thi scan’ tbe, “whatt hefuck? ”
Mar thast oodov ermewear i
ngl i
nger ieandoneof
mysexygowns; sheki ckedmei nt hef ace.“Ar ey ou
beingser iousr i
ghtnow? ”shedi dn’tanswermebut
pickedupt helampandt iedtohi tme.Igr abbedi t
andst oodup, shet r
iedt opul li
tawayf rom meandI
l
etgocausi nghert ost umbl ebackandhi ther self
agai nstt hewal l
.“Mar thaIdon’ thav et i
mef ort his,
youcant alkitoutwi thKhenan.Idon’ thav eany t
hing
tosayt oy ou.”Shescr eamedassher ant owar dsme
andt ackledmet ot hef loor,“y
oust olehi mf rom me! ”
shesai dasshewasont opofmet ryingt opunchme
asbestasshecoul d..
.Ir oll
edov erherandpi nned
herdown, “don’tmakemehur ty ougi rl.”Igrabbed
herwr i
standst oodupdr aggingherupwi thmeand
wal kedt owar dst hedoor .Shewaski ckingand
screami ng, I
’
m but tnakeddr aggi ngt hiswhi tet rash.
“Iwantmybabi es.”Shet urnedar oundandt henext
thingIf eltashar pobj ectent eringmyabdomi nal
area.Il etgoofherandt ouchedmywound, ther e
wasbl oodev erywher eandshechar gedatmeagai n.
Thist imeshemi ssedandonl ymanagedt ol eav ea
l
itt
lescr at
chonmyar m,sheki
ckedmeandIf el
lto
thefloorandshesatonmehi t
tingmeov erandover
again.Icouldhearthesmokedet ect
orsgoingoffi
n
thekitchen,mysupperwasbur ningandIwasslowly
l
osingconsci ousness.
Ani mageofDumi andNanaf l
ashedint
omymi nd
andi t’
salmostl i
keIgotener gyfrom t
hem andI
startedfighti
ngMar thabackandgr abbedherbyt he
throatwi t
hmybl oodyhands.Ipushedherof fme
andshet ri
edt ogetup, shegotupandwasst anding
byt hedoorl eadi
ngt othebalconywiththeguni nher
hands.Iknel tont hef l
oorlookingdownwai t
ingf or
hert ojustfi
nishmeof f..
.
[
11/
23,
18:
28]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode163

Ihear
dshot
sandgl
assbr
eaki
ng.

*
***Khenan
TosayIwasexhaust edwasanunder statement ,but
Ihadt ogether eandbewi thmywi fe.Ihadgot ten
anUberf rom theai rportandi tdroppedmeof fatthe
gate, Iwheel mysui t
casei nandopenedt hedoor .
Thehousewasf ull
ofsmokeandt hedet ect orswer e
goingcr azybeepi ng,“Thando! ”Ishout edasIwent
totheki tchen,Iopenedt heov enandmor esmoke
fi
ll
edt heroom.Iopenedal lthewi ndowsand
switchedt hestov eoff.Thandonev erfall
sasl eep
whenshei scooki ng,somet hingmustdef initelybe
wrong.Myhear twasbeat i
nghar dinmychestasI
wentupt hest airs;Iranact uallytwost epsatat ime.
Idon’tknowwhybutIpul l
edmygunj ustincase.I
gottoourbedr oom andopenedt hedoorsl owl y.
Whatt hef uck,Ididn’tev enhesi t
ate, Ifir
edt woshot s
i
mmedi atelyandMar thawentst umbl i
ngback,
breaki ngthegl assdoor sinthepr ocess.Ashotwas
fi
redf rom t hegunshewashol di
ngandIf iredather
onel asttimeandshef ellfr
om t hebal cony .
Thando’ sbodydr oppedt othegr ound, Iputt hegun
downandr antoher .TheshotMar thaf i
redl anded
onhershoul der;hernakedbodywascov er edi n
bloodandIpani c.Igotmyphonef rom mypocket
andcal ledanambul ance.It ri
edt ostopal l the
bleedi ngbutIj ustcoul dn’
t,Icouldn’thol dint he
tears.Ihel dhercl oset omybodyandcr ied, “pl ease
don’ tleavemebaby …y oucan’ tdot histome!
Thandowakeup! !
”Ihear dthesi r
ensandIf eltf ora
pulse, itwasweakIcoul dbar elyfeel anything.
Lucki l
yt heyhur ri
edinandIshout edf orthem f r om
upst airs,“si
rweneedy out ostepaway ,
”Idi dn’ t
l
istenbuthel dont heThando.“ Comeonboy ,let
them wor k.”IlookedupandZenonwasst andi ng
overmesqueezi ngmyshoul der ,
theywor kedonher
andputheronagur neyandmadet heirway
downst airs.Thehousewasnowbuzzi ngwi th
policeman, “whonot ifi
edt hecops? ”ev eryone
shruggedandoneoft hepar amedi csanswer ed, “
We
havet ocal li
nani nstantlikethis.”Thewal kedoutt o
theambul ancebutoneoft hepol i
cemanst opped
me, “ Mr .DeCost aweneedy ourst atement .”It urned
aroundandl ookedathi m, “
you’rekiddingr ight .My
wif
eisf
ighti
ngforherl
i
feandy
ouwantmet
ost
ay
her
ewit
hy ou.”

Hi
m:Sor
rysi
r,butI
’
mjustdoi
ngmyj
ob.

Me:Ify
ouwanttokeepyourj
obyouwill
takemy
st
atementaf
terIknowmywif
eisalr
ight
.

Hi
m:Thatisn’
thowt
hiswor
kssi
r;i
twi
l
lonl
ytakea
f
ewminutes.

Ichuckledandt urnedtoheadoutthedoor ,
her an
aft
erme; “youhav esomegut sboy!”Isai
dtohi m,
“Khenanjustletthekiddohisjob.
”Zenonspoke,
“Whilemywi fediesImustsithereandhav eacupof
coffeewithyou?Getagr ipdetect
ive,doyourjoband
detect.
”Isteppedt othesi
deandhewasi nfrontof
me, Iburi
edmyf aceinmyhandsandl etoutasigh.I
l
ookedbackupathi m, “pl
easemov eoutofmyway
beforeIdosomet hingI’
llregret
.”Hest oodf i
rm andI
don’tknowwhatcameov ermebutIj ustpunched
himi nthefaceandhef ellback.Istartedwalking
towar dst
hegarage, “
stop!Puty ourhandsup. ”I
turnedaroundandt herewer eabout4of f
icer
swi th
theirgunsdrawn,thesekidsdon’ tknowme, “Zee
callJames.”Isai
dasoneoft heguy swalked
towar dsmewi t
hhishandcuf fs,“he’
sal r
eadyont he
way .”

Me:Ifmyf
inger
printget
sstai
ned,
you’
real
lfal
l
ing
undert
heunemploymentli
st.

Pol
i
ceman:
Arey
out
hreat
eni
ngus?

Me:
Shutupandgetmet
oPi
etal
ready
.
Iwalkedt owardst hepoliceof ficerwithmyhandsi n
frontofmesohecanputt hehandcuf fs.Heput
them onandwedr oveof f,“youf orgottor eadmemy
ri
ghtsof f
icer.
”Oneoft hem t urnedar ound, “t
his
couldhav eallbeenav oidedi fonl yyoul etmegosee
mywi fe.Nowwehav et odot hingsthehar dway.”I
shruggedandl eanedbacki ntomyseat ,wegotto
thestati
onandf oundPi etandJameshav i
ngaf at
chat.Theyt ur
nedasIwal kedi n,Pietrubbedhi seyes,
“takethoseoffhi m,allofy oumeetmei nt he
boardroom. ”

Theof f
icerwalkedtowardsmeandst art
edtaki
ng
mycuf fsoff,
“youshouldhaveli
stenedtome.”He
wasabi tnervous,“NOW!!”Pi
etshoutedashe
walkeddownt hepassage, t
heoffi
certur
nedtowalk
awayandIspankedhi sass.Helookedbackatme
andIwi nkedathim, “
yourwif
eislyi
nginhospit
al
andy ouarestil
ltaunt
ingthesmallboys.
”James
repr
imanded.
Shit
,“l
et’
sgo.”Wewal kedtowardsthecar ,
Zenon
hadgottenmecl eanclot
hesandIchangedi nthe
backseatasJamesdr ov
etot hehospit
al.Wewer e
tol
dthatThandowasi nsurgeryanditmightt akea
whil
ebecauseshel ostalotofblood.If
il
ledoutt he
document sandwesatwai t
ing,Iwashungr yand
Zenonof f
eredtogogetussomef ood.

Jameswasont hephoneandt hencamet ositback

down, “anything?”Ishookmyhead, “howdi dsheget
i
ntomyhouse?Idon’ tunderstandhowsheev engot
toDur banwi thoutusknowi ng.”Jamescl earedhis
thr
oat ,“
thet hingis…”Iopenedmyey eswi de,“i
fyou
tel
l mey ouknewaboutt hi
s…ohmyf uckJamesI
swear …”het urnedr ed,JamesknowsI ’dnev erhurt
him, butthisisThandoandhecannev erbet oosure.
“Iwast akingcar eofit?”Il
ostitandchargedathi m,
Ipickedhi m upbyt hecol l
ar,“
KhenanI ’
m sorry.
”I
punchedhiminthestomach,“soam I
.”hefell
tothe
fl
oorcoughi
ngandIki ckedhi
m.IceandZeecame
runni
ngandtheypull
edmeawayf r
om him.“Easy
ti
ger,
thi
sisn’
tthepl
aceort heti
me.”

Jamesstoodupholdinghisstomach, “
Ineverwant
toseeyouagai
n.Ifanyt
hinghappenst oheryouwil
l
besorr
y.”Hetr
iedtotal
k,“i
fyouev ersetf
oot
anywher
enearmyf amily
.You’redead!”

James:
ComeonKhenanIcanexpl
ain

Me:
Idon’
twanty
ourbl
oodyexpl
anat
ion.

I
ce:Kayyouneedt
ocal
mit
,Jamesgett
hef
uckout
ofher
e.
Zeewenttoescorthi
m out,
“I’
m sorr
yman.”James
utt
eredbef
oreheturnedtowalkout.“ar
eyouhappy
now?Youjustbeatuponeofy ourcl
osestf
ri
ends.
”

Me:I
fhet
oldmethatbi
tchwasinDur
bant
henI
woul
dhav
eprev
entedal
l oft
his.

I
ce:
Iknow.

Me:Youdon’tunder
stand,shecamebacktome.
Shewashomecooki ngandt hent
hatdev
ilbi
tchhad
tor
uini
t.Ihadmywi febackIce.

Idroppedt omykneesl etti

ngoutal i
tt
lesob,
“and
nowI ’
ml osingheral
lov eragain.
”Hepickedmeup
fr
om t hefl
oor,“y
ouneedt ostaystr
ongforher.Fi
x
yourselfup.Eatandthent akeawalk,shewil
lbeout
ofsurgeryverysoonandIdon’tthi
nkshewould
wantt oseey ouli
ket
hat.
”Isni
ffedandwi pedmy
tearsaway ,
Iwasn’tf
eel
inghungrybutIcemademe
eatandt henchasedmeouttelli
ngmenott or
etur
n
before30mi nuteswasup.

Iwalkedatt hegar denhospitalandhadaci garet

te;I
wasf eeli
ngal otbetter.Iwenttothecaf et
eri
aand
gotcoffee,“R19.60.”theladyatthecount ersai
d,you
havegott obeki ddingme.Isai dtomy selfasI
patt
edmypocket s,“FUCK!”theladyl
ookedatme
shocked, “
sir,
therear echil
drenaround.”Iwhispered
anapol ogy.

“Forgotyourwalletathome? ”Ihear dav oi

cebehind
me; Icannev erf
or gett
hatvoice.“Getmewhat ev
er
he’shaving,puti
tonmyt ab.
”It urnedaroundand
thereshewasgor geousasev er,“Fi
kil
e.”Isai
dwitha
smile,“t
heoneandonl y,
"shesai dopeningher
arms. ”Ist
eppedcl osertoherandsheputherar ms
aroundmyneck, herper f
umehi tmynost ri
l
sandI
closedmyey e.Thehugl astedforawhi leandthen
wepul l
edapart,“
youl ookli
keshi t
,let’
ssit.
”Shesai
d
asshewal kedshakingherasst owar dsanempt y
table.“Wherehav eyoubeenhi dingy oursel
f?I
t’
s
beencl osetoadecade. ”

Me:
It’
syouwhodi
sappear
edandwentov
erseas.

Her
:That
’sbecausey
oul
eftmei
nDur
banal
one.

Me:
ComeonnowFi
ki
le.

Her:Don’tcomeoneme…Ihear
dyou’
remarr
iednow,
tr
oubleinparadi
se,
babymama,dr
ugbust
…you’ve
beenbusy .

Me:
It’
snotsof
lat
ter
ingwheny
ouputi
tli
ket
hat
.
Yes,marr
iedandhappy
!Withalovel
yfami
l
yand
beaut
if
ulkids…dr
ugbust?Youknowhowtheyar
e
onusclubowners.

Her
:Yeahr
ightKenny
.

Me:
YouknowIhat
ethatname.

Her
:Youl
ovedi
twhenIcal
l
edy
out
hat
.

Shel eanedcl
oserandpull
edmycheekbef oreshe
placedherhandonmyt hi
gh.Iclear
edmyt hr
oatand
shift
eduncomf or
tabl
y,sheletoutalaugh,
“don’
t
wor r
yIwontbite.
”

Me:
yesy
ouwi
l
l.
Shel aughedagai nandf l
ickedherweav eoverher
shoul der , “
whatar eyoudoi ngi ncapet own? ”Iasked
changi ngt het opic.Ourcof feecameandaf teran
houroft alki
ngIdeci dedIneedt ogoback.“ Here’s
mycar d, callme. ”Ishookmyhead, ‘thatwon’ tbe
necessar y.
”It ri
edt obeaspol it
easpossi bl
e,“don’t
besi lly.”Sheputherhandonmychestwhi l
eusi ng
theot hert oslidehercar di nmybackj eanpocket s.
Shemusthav ef eltmybodyst iff
enbecauseshe
tappedmychestandki ssedmycheek, “seey ou
aroundKenny .”Shewhi sper edi nmyearbef orecat
walki ngawayf rom me, Iletoutasi ghandwal kedto
thebat hr oom.Iwashedmyf ace,“getahol dof
your selfKhenan, yourwifeisi nhospi talforcry i
ng
outl oud. ”Isai dasIl ookedatmy selfint hemi rr
or.I
walkedoutandI cewasl eani ngagai nstt hewal l
,
“tooky oul ongenough, whatwer eyoudoi nginthere?
Jerkingof f?
”Il ookedathi m st r
ange, “whywoul d
any onej erkof finahospi taltoil
et?”IaskedasI
wal kedt owar dsourwai t
ingarea, “
may bebecause
Mi ssFatBoot ygoty ouallhard.”Hepul l
edoutt he
car dfrom mybackpocket ,“
weshoul dgetri
dof
this.”Igav ehimt helook,“she’sjustanoldfriend.”
Hel aughedandt ouchedmychestwhi l
eflut
teri
ng
hisey elashes.Ikickedhim andher anawayl aughing
atmebef orewesatdown.“ Honest lydude…t hi
s!”he
saidwav ingthebusi nesscard,“thi
swi l
lmakey ou
l
oseev ery t
hing.Thandowontf orgiveanyshityoudo
from thispoi ntonwar ds.
”

Me:
Iwasn’
tpl
anni
ngondoi
ngany
thi
ngwi
thher
.

I
ce:
sowhat
,youj
ustl
etherr
uby
ouupf
orf
un?

Me:
Shewasn’
trubbi
ngmeup.

I
ce:Wouldyouhavelethert
ouchy
oul
i
ket
hati
s
Thandowasaround?
Iletoutasigh,“okayIgetit
…Fi ki
l
ei soutofbounds.
Plusy ouknowI ’
m crazyaboutThando.”Hejust
roll
edhisey es,“
wedon’ twantanotherwomandead
aty ourhands.”

Me:
What
?

I
ce:Thi
nkaboutit
,youpoppedKhensaniandtodayi
t
wasthemotherofyourt
wins…tomorrowit’
sFiki
l
e.

Me:
ShehasagunatThando’
shead.

I
ce:
AndKhensani
?

Me:
Arey
our
eal
l
yaski
ngmet
hat
?
Ice:
Okayfi
nesheki
ndofdeserv
edit
…buty
oual
so
almostdi
scar
dedofyourmot
her.

Me:
Nev
er!

I
ce:
Youcutherof
f.

Me:
Shewast
hreat
eni
ngmywi
fe.

I
ce:
Soy
ouwi
l
lel
i
minat
eev
ery
one?

Me:
Ift
hat
’swhatIhav
etodot
okeepmywi
fehappy
.

Ice:Thenyouneedtoplayy
ourpartandnotbr
ing
thepeoplewhowillmakeherunhappy.You
entert
aini
ngthi
sgir
lisj
ustbadnews.

Me:
alr
ight
.
I
ce:
AndIwi
l
lknowi
fyoucomenearher
.

Ipushedhim pl
ayf
ull
y,“
don’tyouhaveafamil
yt o
takecarof
?”hescrat
chedhi shead,
“Kimispregnant
,
Idon’
twanttobeany wher
enearher.”Il
aughed,
“whatdoesshedo?’

I
ce: Sheeat
sev er
ythi
ng,andthenshecompl ai
ns
thatsheisfat
.Shecriesandtheneatsagain
becausefoodmakesherf eelbet
ter
.Idon’tknow
howy oudidit
,5kids.I’
m done.

Iwasj
ustaboutt
ospeakwhensomeonecall
edout
myname,“DeCosta?
”Il
ookedandt
hedoctorwas
walki
ngt owar dsus, webothstoodupandwal ked
towardshim.“ tellmegoodnewsdoct or
.”Ipleaded
andhesmi led,“yourwif
elostalotofbloodwhen
shewasst abbedandt hebull
etdidn’
thelpeither.
Howev erwehav emanagedt ostabil
iseher,she’s
good.”Iletoutasi gofreli
efandIcepattedmyback,
“canIseeher ?”

Doc:
Onl
yfor5mi
nut
es,
sheneedst
orest
.

Me:Andwhendoy
out
hingshewi
l
lbeabl
etogo
home?

Doc:wecan’
ttel
latt
hisst
age,
coul
dbeaweekor
two.

Me:
Thanky
oudoc.

Doc:
Onl
ydoi
ngmyj
ob,
pleasewai
taf
ewmi
nut
es
whil
ewetakehert
oherr
oom.Anur
sewi
l
lcomeget
youtoseeher
.

Weshookhandsandhewal kedoff…Iwasso
rel
i
evedandcouldn’
twaitti
llshewakesup.Iknew
shehadnowhealedfrom herparent’
sdeathand
wouldbethebestmothertoourdaughter.

Iwal
kedint
oherr oom andshehadallthemachi
nes
onher
,Ihatedseeingherl
ikethi
s.ButIwasn’
tsad,
act
ual
lyhappy.Myphoner angandIwentout,“
Piet
.”

Hi
m:Howar
eyoubuddy
?
Me:
I’
m good,
we’
regood.

Him:I
’
m gl
adtoheart
hat
,sor
ryt
odot
hisbutIwi
l
l
needyout
ocomein.

Me:
Notapr
obl
em,
giv
emeaboutanhourandI
’
llbe
t
her
e?

Hi
m:Cool
.

Ical
l
edIcet osetupsecur
it
yforThando;Ineeded
someonestati
onedatherdoor24/7.Iwasn’ttaki
ng
anychances,t
hatpsychowasprobablyworkingwith
someone.
Aftermyv isi
twi t
hThandoIdr ovet othest at
ionto
speakt oPi et.Iwant edtodot histherightwayand
nott ryhideorcov erupany thing.Ididn’tdoany t
hing
wr ong.Iwal kedint othestationandwassent
straighttoPi et’
sof fi
ce,hewasal readywai ti
ngfor
me.Isatdownandheper sonallytookmyst atement,
hegotasear chwar r
antforthepr operty;whichI
didn’tthi
nkwasnecessar ybecauset heyhadal r
eady
beenatt hehouse.Iwenthomewi thtwooft he
officerstogi vethem v i
deof ootageoft hehouse.I t
waspur esel fdefenceandPi etreassuredt hatit
woul dbeov eranddonewi t
h.Thehousewasamess
andIcoul dn’tbri
ngt hechildrenher e.May bewe
needanewhouse, somuchhashappenedher eand
wecoul ddowi t
habr eak.We’ l
lli
vehappi lyeverafter
.

Ipackedafewthi
ngsandwenttothePent
house,I
’d
l
etthechi
ldrenst
aywi
thKeenanforawhil
elonger
.I
don’twanttoexpl
aintothem whyThandowasi n
hospit
al,
theyhavebeent hr
oughsomuchal ready
andIdidn’
twanttoaddt othat
.Iwouldonlybe
al
lowedtoseeheragai ntomorrow.Ical
l
edAbebi t
o
checkonmybabi es,andevery
onewasgood.Icoul d
l
eaveAkoni wit
hthem becausehewasonf ormula.

Igoti
ntothei
nternetandstar
tedhouseshopping,
whatadaunti
ngexer ci
se.IneedThandoforThis,
andbefor
eIclosedmyl apt
opanemai lcamein.

HeyKenny
,

Itwasgr
eatseeingy
outoday
.Arey
oubusyt
oni
ght
?
Let'
shav
edrinksandcat
chup.

Fi
ks.
Xoxoxo
[
11/
23,
18:
29]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode164
Ireadt heemai l
again;Iam notfall
ingforthist
rap
again.Icl osedmyl aptopandwal kedacrosst omy
barar eaandpour edadr i
nk.Itookitbackatonce
andt henpour edanot herone, myphonebeeped.No,
thi
sisn’ thappeningthedev ili
stry
ingtor ui
nme.I t
wasamessagef rom Fiki
le,howdidshegetmy
number .Idial
ledKeenan, “whatareyoudoi ng?”I
saidbef oreheev enspoke.

Keenan:
Hi babybrot
her
,howar eyou?Ar
emy
chi
ldr
enfine,howaremyniecesandnephews.

Me:
Ineedadr
ink.
Keenan:
youhav
eabarf
ull
ofal
cohol
.

Me:
Ican’
tbeal
oner
ightnow.

Keenan:AndIcannotleavemywi
fewit
hanent
ir
e
preschool
,yourpr
eschool
tobepr
eci
se.

Me:
Real
l
y?CanIcomeher
e?

Keenan:Nodr
inki
ngi
nthehousewhi
l
eAbebi
is
pregnant
.

Me:
Event
hist
ime?

Keenan:
It’
sworse,al
coholi
sn’
tal
lowedinthehouse.
Mybottl
esareallgat
heri
ngdusti
ntheshed.

Me:
Letmecal
lIce.
Keenan:
Soyouwontseey
ourbr
otherbecauset
her
e
wil
lbenodr
inki
ng?

Me:
Yip!
!

Icutthecallbeforehecanst artwhiningandIwas
unabletoreachhi m.IguessIwoul dbest uckhome,
Iswit
chedmyphoneof fandsatont hecouchwi th
mybot tl
eandst artedsippingaway .Lat eronIgot
hungrysoIcalledMrDel iveryandorderMcDonal d’s.
Ichuckedtomy sel
f ,
Thandowoul dfreakoutatme
eati
ngtakeout .Fastf oodt obeexact ,Imy sel
f
wasn’tafanbutt odayIj ustcravedit.Iwasscr oll
i
ng
thr
ought hechannel swhent hedoorbel lr
ang,andI
gotupsear chi
ngf ormywal lettopayf orthefood.I
openedthedoor ,heav enlyfatherwhathav eIdoneto
deservethi
s?
Fikil
est oodinfrontofme, “someonehasbeen
runningawayf r
om me. ”Shesaidasshesmi led
seduct i
v el
y,shewascar r
yingtwobr ownbags.One
l
ar gerthant heother,
thesmel loft
heirf
ri
esgotme
excitedandhungr y
.“Whatar eyoudoinghere?”I
tri
edt oaskaspol i
tel
yaspossible.

Her
:Thati
snowayt
ospeakt
oanol
dfr
iend.

Me:
Wear
en’
tfr
iends,
andt
hisi
sinappr
opr
iat
e.

Her
:howso?

Iputupmylef
thandshowinghermyr i
ng;
she
l
aughedandwalkedint
othehouse.“
Liket
hat
stoppedy
ouwheny ouweremarri
edtoKhensani
.”
Shegi ggled, “
Speaki ngofwhi ch, wher eisshe?I
hav en’tseenheri nawhi le.”All thistimeIwas
standi ngbyt hedoorandhadn’ tcl osedi t
,“youcan
l
eav et hef oodont het able, howmuchdoIowey ou.”
Shel aughedagai n, Ithi nkshet houghtIwaspl aying,
“Kennyy ourhost i
ngski ll
ssuck, andI ’
llhaveagl ass
ofwi ne.Mer lot ,yes…def i
nitelymakei tmer l
ot.”She
saidasshewast aki ngof fhercoat ,r
ev eali
ngar oyal
bluebodyhuggi ngdr ess.Shesmi l
edandwi nked, I
clearedmyt hr oatandwal kedt oherandgr abbedher
armr oughl y.Thatmanagedt owi pet hegrinof fher
faceandIst ar tedwal kingwi t
hhert owar dst hedoor .
“Kennywhatar ey oudoi ng? ”Ipassedhert owar ds
theel evat orandpr essedt hedownbut ton,“I
’m
sav i
ngy ourgoddamnl ife,don’ tcal lme, don’ttext
anddon’ temai l me.Last l
ydon’ tr ockupatmypl ace
unannounced, don’ tr ockupher eatal li
fyouknow
what ’sgoodf ory ou. ”Ipushedheri nsidethe
elevat orassoonast hedooropenedandwai tedf or
i
tt ocl osewi t
hmyar mscr ossed.Wheni tstarted
mov i
ngIwentbacki nsi del ocki ngt hedoorand
relaxingont hecouch, keepi ngupwi ththe
Kar dashi answaspl ay ing.Ichuckl edasIst uffed
fr
iesi
ntomymout
h,Thandohat
est hi
sshowbut
somehowendupwatchthr
eeorfourepi
sodesat
one.

*
***
***
*

Fikil
ef l
oppedont hebedatt hehot elshehad
booked, shewassof rustrat
ed.Nomanhasev er
donewhatKhenandi dtoher ,shet houghtt
hiswoul
d
beeasy .Thandowassupposedt obeoutoft he
picture,unfortunatelyshewasn’ tandnowshehadt o
wor kal itt
leharder.Herphoner ang,int
err
upti
ngher
from hert houghts; shel ookedatt hescreenand
threwt hephoneasi de.
Shekickedof fherhealsandwal kedt owardsthe
fri
dgeandpour edher selfaglassofchampagne.Her
phonehadn’ tstoppedringingandi twasstart
ingto
annoyher,“whatdoy ouwantol dhag? ”thel
adyon
theothersidechuckled, “don’
tbitet hehandthat
feedsyou.”Fiki
leletoutal it
tl
egi ggle,shewast r
ying
tobebr av
ebutshewasabi tscar ed,“yesmother.
”

Lady
:Don’
tpushi
t,howi
sthepl
angoi
ng?

Fi
ki
le:
Ionl
yspoketohimyest
erdayatt
hehospi
tal
whenhewentt
ov i
sithi
swi
fe.Idi
d-

Theladyi
nter
rupt
edher,
“vi
sitwho?
”Fiki
legot
pi
ssedoff
,becauseshewasnotpayingatt
ent
ion.
“
Hiswi
fe.
”

Lady
:Hi
swi
fei
sdead.

Fi
ki
le:
No.

Lady
:Whi
chhospi
tal
?

Fiki
l
et ol
dherallt
hedet ai
lsshewantedt oknow.
“Whatwast hepointi
nki l
l
ingherparentsifshe…”
theladyspoketoherselfasFiki
leli
sten,“Martha,I
wantherdead!!
”Fikil
ewasconf used,“Martha?”she
asked,“Mxm,ImeanFi kil
e…Kill
her!”
Witht
hatbei
ngsai dshecutt
hecallandleftFi
ki
le
wonderi
ngwhatthatwasallabout
.Shedr ankher
champagnethi
nkingofhernextmove,she’snever
ki
ll
edanyonebefore.

*
***
*

Iwaswokenupbyacal lf
rom thehospi tal
thatmy
wifehadregai
nedconsci ousness; Iwouldbe
al
lowedtoseeherat9am t oday .Ipackedherbag
befor
eshowering,Idressedinanav yFilat
racksui
t
pantsandawhi t
er oundneckt eeandheaded
downstai
rsbarefoot.Iopenedt hef r
idgeandthere
wasn’ tanythi
ngi nter
estingint here,Ineedt odo
shoppi ng.Iwentbackupandputonsneaker s
beforeheadi ngt otheflori
st,Igotabouquetof
fl
ower sandor deredmor etobesentt ot hehospital.
Igot,muf fi
ns,donut sandcr oissants,wel l
Igotashi t
l
oadofbr eakfastpastriesandt henheadedt osee
mybaby .Idon’tknowwhybutBey onceandJayZ
waspl ayi
ng,Iwonderhowt hatgother e.Irecei
veda
cal
l andanswer edonBl uetoothwi thoutev en
checki ngwhot hecall
eris,“Khenanpl easedon’ t
hangup. ”Iraisedmyl ef teyebrow, whyt hefuckwas
hecal li
ngme?“ James, nope…nott oday.Iwi l
lnotlet
your uinmymood. ”

Hi
m:I
t’
simpor
tant
.

Me:SowasMart
habei
ngintown.Whati
simpor
tant
nowist
hatmywif
eisbackr
ecover
ing…Ihav
etogo.
Icuthim offandt urnedthev olumeup,Iwasonly
singi
ngt helastbitofeachline.“Haveyoueverseen
thecrowdgoi n'apeshit?Rah! ”andIwasdancingin
thecar.Istoppedatt herobotandabunchofgi rl
sin
thecarnextt omewer escreami ngandstar
ingatme.
Blowingkissesev en,Ij
ustwav edandspedoff.Iwas
soexcited,nothi
ngwoul dgetmedown.

Thedoct orst oppedmebef oreIent eredherr oom,

hebr i
efedmeonherpr ogr
essandt henl ef
tmet o
seemywi fe.Iwal kedinandt her oom wasempt y,
thedoct ordidinform met hatt heywer ehelpingher
bath.Itookt hisopportunit
ytogot ot heladyatthe
frontdeskinourwar d,“MrDeCost a.”Shebl ushed,I
l
ov editwhenIcanusemychar mtogetal most
any t
hingwitht hesegirl
s.It’
ssuchapi t
ymywi fe
doesn’trespondl ikethis.“
Howar ey ou,”Il
ookedat
hernamet ag, “Thobil
e.”Shebl ushedandwhi spered
aresponsewhi
chIdidn’
tpaymuchat
tent
iont
o.
“
Listen,
Ineedafav
our.”

Thobi
l
e:Any
thi
ngt
ohel
p.

Me:CanIgetacappucci
no,
teaandt
wol
arge
cof
feesi
nmywi f
e’sroom

Thobi
l
e:Mostcer
tai
nly
.

Me:
Andgety
our
sel
fat
reatandadr
ink.

Iwinkedandwal kedaway ,
fiv
emi nutesl
atert
hehot
dri
nkscameandIhadsetupbr eakfastf
ormywi f
e
andt henthedooropen.Iwasexci tedandso
nervousatthesame; Idon’
tthinkshewasexpect i
ng
me.Shel ookedupandherey esal mostpoppedout ,
shewasi nagown, “
heychamp. ”OkayIdon’tknow
whyIsai dthat
,Ididn’
tknowwhatt osay.Asmile
creptuponherf ace, “
heybaby .
”Iwant edt oscr eam
outloudanddot he‘hype’dance.Shelaughed, Ithi
nk
i
twasev i
dentthatImi ssedhersomuch, “
I’
llgive
youguy ssomepr i
vacy.Iseeyouhav esor tedout
breakfast
,I’
ll
comewi thyourmedi cat
ional ittl
e
l
ater.”Shesmi l
edatmeandwal kedout .Thando
tr
iedt owalkbutitseemedsor e,shewasst abbed
andshotitonlymadesense.

Ihelpedheroutoft hehospitalgownandi nt
o
pyjamasandsocks, andthengav eherthefl
uffy
purplegownIbr oughtf r
om home.Shewasni cel
y
tuckedinbedandl ookedatt hetable,
“whatdowe
hav ehere?I
’
m st ar
ving.”IwasshakingwhenI
broughtherthefoodandshesmi l
edwhi l
eshe
stuffedherf
ace.Shehadt hecoffeeandcappuccino,
andt henburpedoutl oudtofini
shital
l.Shelookeda
l
ittl
eembar r
assed,Ijustlaughedather.
Wesati nsi lencef orawhi l
e; Ipushedherhai r
behi ndherearandbr ushedhercheek.Shegotr eall
y
redandherey esst artedt ogett eary,“I’
m sorry.
”
No…f uck, “pleasedon’ tbabe. ”Ipl eadedbutt he
tearsj ustf ell from herf ace, Iwi pedt hem withmy
thumb.“ Babydon’ tcry ,it
’sal linthepast .You’re
backnowandt hat ’sal lthatmat tersokay ?”she
closedherey esandcr iedabi tmor e;“okay?”she
noddedbutdi dn’ tsayany thing.Iwi pedhert ears
awaybef oreget tingi nt obedwi t
hher ,shelaidonmy
chestandIki ssedt het opofherhead.Shewasst i
ll
cryingabi tbecauseIf eltmyt opget tingwet ,“
Ilike
thehai r.Wast hisal l
f orme? ”shel etoutagi ggle
andt hatmademesmi le.West ay edinacomf ortabl
e
sil
encef oral mostanhour .Ithoughtshewas
sleepi ngunt ilshel ift
edherheadandl ookedatme,
“Khenan. ”Ipout edandshookmyhead, “
that’
swhat
ever yonehasbeencal lingmesi ncey oul ef
t,tr
y
somet hingel se. ”Shesmi l
ed, “baby .”Ismi l
edback,
“muchbet ter,whati si tmyl ov e? ”shet ookadeep
br
eatheandlookedaway,Ipul
ledherchi
ntolookat
me,“t
alktome.”Asingl
etearescapedherey
e,“I
wanttoseemybabyboy ?"
[11/23,18:29]Lynne:GuyslikeIexplai
nedear li
erI’
m
havingpr oblemswiththisepisodesoI ’
ll
trywr i
te
shorterinsertsandsendouti nbit
sandpi eces.
Everythi
ngIpostt onightwil
l makeupEpi sode165.
Pleasebepat i
entwit
hme.Hopef ul
lybyt heendof
thenightt heywil
lall
makeuponef ull
episode.

Anotherthi
ngisfrom nextweekWednesdayImight
notposttil
lthef
ollowingMonday
.Iti
smyBi rt
hday
weeksoIdoubtIwi l
lhavemuchti
met oconcent
rat
e
onwr i
ti
ng.

Soher
e’st
hef
ir
stpar
tofEpi
sode165
*
***Thando

IlovedatKhenanner vouslywai ti
ngf orhisr esponse
andasmi l
ecreptov erhisf ace, “
youdon’ tknowhow
l
ongI ’v
ebeenwai t
ingf oryout osayt hat.I’
ll call
Keenant obri
ngt hekidsl ater.
”Inoddedandr ested
myheadonhi schestagai n,breakingey econt act,
“theymusthat eme? ”hedi dn’
tsayany t
hingatf ir
st,
andaf t
erawhi l
ehel etoutasi gh, “t
hoseki dsl ove
youbaby .
”Hebr ushedmyhai r,“Ithi
nky ouhav e
punishedyourselftoomuchal readyandnowt o
thinksuch…pleasedon’ t
.Ithasn’ tbeeneasyIwi l
l
notlietoyou,buttheycoul dnev erhatey ouev enif
theytr
ied.”Ididn’tsayany t
hing,“
y ou’
rethei
rmot her
,
nochil
dcoul dev erhat
et heirmother.
”Ijustnodded
andwest ay edlikethatforawhi l
e.West ayedina
comfortablesilenceandhewaspl ayi
ngwi t
hmyhai r
andImusthav ef all
enasleep.Iwokeupandi t
l
ookedl i
ket hesunwoul dbeseet ingsoon, Khenan
wasont hephoneandcutt hecal
l assoonasIt r
ied
sit
ti
ngup.“ hey, wherearey ougoing.”

Me:
Ineedt
het
oil
et.

Hi
m:Ok,
justaskmet
hat
’swhatI
’
m her
efor
.

Me:
Iwi
l
lhav
etodoi
tmy
sel
fev
ent
ual
l
y.

Hi
m:Yes,
butnott
hedayaf
terbei
ngshot
.
Ilethim helpme; Iwal kedbymy selfwi
thhishelp.
Her oll
edthet issuef orme, “
reall
ybaby,what’snext
you’regoingt owi pemet oo? ”hegav emeast rai
ght
l
ook, “t
hat’sexact lyhowi t’sgoingtobe.”He
answer edme, wast hismanser ious?Iwasonl yshot
i
nt heshoul derandIcoul duseonehand.Af tera
whileofar guingaboutt hisheendedupwi pi
ngme
cleanandcar ryi
ngmet obed, whichwasso
unnecessar y.“Whatdoy ouwantt oeat?”heasked.I
j
ustshr ugged, “anything.”

Him:ThandoI
’
m notgoi
ngtofal
lfort
hisone,
whati
f
Icomebackwitht
hewronganyt
hing?

Me:
Haha,
real
l
ybaby
.I’
m notl
i
ket
hat
.

Heroll
edhisey
es,“
ther
e’sapi
zzaplacedownt
he
r
oad.”Ishookmyhead,“
past
a?”Ishookmyhead
agai n,“seewhatImean? ”hel aughed, “I
’l
l gety ou
somet hingIknowy oucan’ tsaynot oo.Yourguar dis
outsi dei fyouneedany thing.”Ilookedathi m wi tha
quest i
oni nglook,“guar d.”Heki ssedmyf orehead
andwal kedoutwi thoutexpl ainingt ome.Iscr olled
thechannel sandwat chedacooki ngdoorbef oret he
dooropenedandI cepeepedi n, “
isitsaf et ocome
i
n? ”Il aughed, gety ourassi nher ey oubeast .He
openedt hedoorandt omysur prisehewasn’ talone,
Rachael andt wogirlsfr om theor phanagewer ewi th
her,t heyal lcamei nandwehugged.“ Howar ey ou
feeling? ”Ismi l
edbackatt hef orev ersmi l
ingRachael ,
“i
t’snott oobad. ”Sher ol l
edherey es, “thebr uiseon
yourey et ell
sadi f
ferentst ory.”Theyal l l
aughed, “
I’l
l
bef ine, I’
mv eryst
rong. ”Shesmi ledbackatme,
“i
ndeedy ouar e.”Wespokef orawhi l
eunt ilt
hedoor
openedandKhenanwal kedi n,“you’r esogoi ngt o
l
ov -”hest oppedi nhist racks.Hescr eenedt her oom
andl ookedatI ce,
“IthoughtIhadst rictinstruct i
ons
fornobodyt ocomei nher ebesi def ami ly.
”Hewas
beingr ude, Iknowhemeantwel lbuthedi dn’tev en
taket i
met of i
ndoutwhomyv i
sitorsar e.“Khenan,
pleaser elax.”Isai
dashepl acedt hepacket sont he
tableandwal kedt owardsme.Heki ssedmy
forehead, “arey oual ri
ght?”Inodded, “wow, r
eal l
y…
becauseI ’dletany thi
nghappent oher ?”Khenan
gav eI ceadeat hst areandI ceputhi shandsup,
“sorry, butt hesear ef ri
end. ”Khenanwasst arti
ngt o
speakwhenRachael interrupt edhi m, “
it
’saboutt i
me,
I’
vehear dsomuchabouty ou. ”Sheputherhandout
tomeetKhenan’ s.Hel ookedatherandI
i
mmedi atelyknewhewasr oll
inghi sey esont he
i
nsi de, butt hatsoonchanged, Rachael ’
scont agious
smi let ookov erhi m andhesmi l
ed.“ Am Iashotas
shedescr ibed? ”heaskedj oki ngly, “
hot ?”Rachael
l
ookedatme, “nope, shedi dn’ tment ionany thingof
thesor t.”Khenant ookabl owt ot heego; Iwant edto
l
augh, becausehet hi
nkshehasal lthewomenunder
hisspel l.Hegr eetedev er
y oneandwechat t
edabi t
mor eaboutr andom t hi
ngsunt i
lRachael andthe
gir
lsl ef t,“
itwasni cemeet ingy ouMr .DeCost aandI
hopey ou’llbej oiningusi nournextsessi on.”She
saidt hatast heywer ewal ki ngt ot hedoor .“What
sessi ons? ”Khenanaskedconf usedshej ustwi nked
andt heyl eft.Icewassi tt
ingont hewi ndowsi lljust
l
aughi ng, “whatdi dy oubr ingf orusbuddy ?”he
askedlooki
ngatt
het
aeawaybagsKhenanhad
broughti
n.

Khenanignor
edhim andtur
nedtoome,“
what
sessi
onswhatthatoldl
adytal
ki
ngabout
?”

Me:
Fir
stl
yhernamei
sRachael
.

Khenan:
Ok,
andsecondl
y?Whatsessi
ons?

“Dude, y
ou’rethebest.I’
m goingt owarmthisupI’
ll
bebackj ustnow.”Wi t
ht hatIceleftmeandKhenan
alone,“t
herapysessions.”Hel ookedatmeconfused,
“aft
erwhathappenedt hatnight,Icegotmesome
helpinthef or
m ofRachael .Andshehasbeen
helpi
ngmegetbet ter.
”Hi sfacechanged,“
noplease
don’tfeelsorr
yforme. ”Hesatdownandt ookmy
freehandandki ssedt hebackofi t
,“babyI’m so
sorryyouhadt ogot hroughi tal
one.”Ismiledathim,
“i
t’sok,Ineededt ogetbet t
erforyouguy s.I’
m not
full
ytherebutwi tht i
me. ”Hekissedmyhandagai n
andt henIcecamei nwi ththreebowls.Hedi shedup
andwest art
edeat ing,“sowhatar ethepolice
say i
ng?”Iceaskedwi t
hhi smout hfull
.Il
ookedat
Khenan, “
police?”

Khenan:
Yeah,
theyar
einv
olv
ed.

Me:
Why
?

Khenan:
whatdoy
oumean?

I
ce:Ithi
nkwhatshemeansisthepol
i
cewer
en’
t
i
nvolv
edwhenKhensanidi
ed,whynow.

Me:
Notl
i
ket
hat
.
I
ce:
Exact
lyl
i
ket
hat
.

Idi
dn’twantt
ot alkaboutKhenanmur deri
nghisex
wif
eandt hemot herofhi
schil
dren,“howdidsheget
i
ntothehouse?”IaskedaddressingthatatKhenan.
Heshrugged,“
theyt ookt
hesecur i
tyfoot
agebeforeI
coul
dv i
ewit.
”

I
ce:
Andt
hebackup?

Khenan:Thehousewasswarmi
ngwit
hcopsIdi
dn’
t
getachance.ButPi
eti
staki
ngcar
eofit
.

Me:
Taki
ngcar
eofi
thow?

Khenan:Don’
tworry
;I’
m notpay
ingforthi
stogo
away.Hereassur
edmet hatnot
hingwouldcome
backtous,shewasanintr
uderinthehouse,
at
tackedmywi
feandIst
oppedherf
rom ki
l
li
ngy
ou.

I
ce:
Textbooksel
fdef
ense.

Khenan:
Pret
tymuch.

Ididn’tsayanything, i
tseemsl ikeeversinceKhenan
andIgott ogetherpeopl ear edy i
ngandi tal
lst
arted
withTi ny
.Event houghhewasn’ tr
elat
edt ous,but
thatwast hefirstdeatht hatoccurredafterour
rel
ationshipstarted.Andnowt herehav ebeen
numer ous,fr
om t hedr uglords,tothechildr
en’
s’
mot hersandmypar entstoo.Itwasal ot.
[
11/
23,
18:
30]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode165(
par
t2)
Theguy scont inuedt otalkaboutitf urt
herbutIwas
l
osti nt hought ,whenIhear dsomel aughingand
giggling.Thedooropenedandmybabi eswal kedin
withKeenanandAbebi ,Khany irantome, “careful.
”
Khenanwar nedherandshest oppedi nhert r
acks
andwal kedsl owlytowar dsme, “nonsense, comet o
mommy .
”Shesmi l
edandt henhuggedme, her
breat hingt henst ar
tedt ochange.“ baby ,whati sit
?”
herey eswer ereadandshewassni ffi
ngt r
y i
ngt o
holdhert ear sback, “Imissedy ousomuchandI
thoughty oul eftme. ”Ipushedherawaysl i
ght ly,
“baby ? ”shebi thertongueandl ookeddown, “Khanyi
l
ookatme. ”Shel ookedupandherey eswer eglassy,
“I’
m her e,whywoul dIleav esuchabeaut if
ul
princessl ikey ourself?”Iaskedheri nal owv oice,
sheshr ugged, “MommyKl eftme.”Ipul l
edheri nfor
anot herhugwi thmyonehandandwhi speredi nher
ear ,
“doy our ememberwhatIt oldy ouaf t
erMommy
Kl eft?”shenoddedagai nstmyshoul der,“
whatdi dI
say ?”Iwhi sper ed, “
Thaty ouwoul dnev erleav eme. ”
Sheanswer edi nabr eakingv oice, “andhav eIev er
brokenapr omi se? ”sheshookherhead, “
Il ovey ou
okay .Iam notgoi ngany wher ef orav er yl
ongt ime.”I
kissedherheadandwewer ei nterrupt edbyt he
twinsst eppi ngal lovermeandKhany imov edaway ,
shewassmi li
ngt hist i
me.“ theymi ssedy ou, ”she
expl ain.If l
inchedi npainwhenTeest eppedonme,
Khenanmov edt owar dst hebed, “heybaby .Shegav e
meahug. ”Shemumbl edsomet hingandZeecame
too, sheal mostpushedhersi sterof fthebed.These
toot hough, theynor mal l
ytaket urnswi thbei ng
mommy ’sgi rl
.Ift heonewant sme, theot herdoesn’ t
car ebutt odayt heybot hwant edt obecl oset ome.I
guesst heydi dmi ssmeandmyabsencewasf elt.“
I
mi ssedy ouguy s,”Isai dtryi
ngt osi tinaposi tion
wher eIcoul dhav ebot hoft hem cl ose.“ Mom, where
youcomef r
om? ”ohgosh, howwasIev engoi ngt o
answert hat?“ Shewasbuy ingy ouChr i
st mas
present s. ”Abebi helpedme, “clisms? ”Ilaughedabi t
,
“Yeah…y ougoi ngt ohav esomanypr esent s.”They
seemedexci tedunt i
lTeest artedpul li
nghert win
sistershai r
.Iwat chedt hem pl ay i
ng, andImust
admi
tImi
ssedt
hem al
ot.

IlookedaroundandsawLakhi wesi t
ti
ngont he
couchal i
tt
lefarfrom everyone; hehadAkoni i
nhis
arms.Khenanmusthav epickedt hatup,“gir
lsyou
wantt ogeticecream? ”theyallshoutedandhegot
them offt
hebed.“ Sayby etomommy ,we’l
lseeher
tomor r
ow.”theyallsaidbyeinuni sonandheaded
out.KeenanandAbebi hadagy naeappoi ntmentso
shecamet ogav emeahug, “i
t’
sgoodt ohav eyou
back.”Ismil
edather ,“i
t’
sgoodt obeback. ”She
kissedmycheek, “I’
ll
comecheckony outomor r
ow,
l
et ’
sgiveeveryoneelseachance. ”

Iwasleftwit
hLakhiweandAkoni,fr
om wher eIsatit
seemedast houghhewassl eepi
ngpeacefull
y.“
Hi,”I
utt
ered.Hedidn’
tlookatmebutkepthisey esonhis
babybrother
.Heseemedt ocareforhi
m al ot
;he’s
al
way swantedababybr ot
herbecausetherewere
toomanygi rl
si nt hehouse.I twast oocut et owat ch,
“Lakhi we? ”Ical ledoutagai nandt histimehel ooked
upwi tht earsi nhi sey es, “arey oubacknow? ”That
wentst raightt omyhear tandi tshatteredi nami lli
on
pieces, Iwant edt ocr ybuti fther eisany oneIhadt o
best rongf or; i
twasLakhi we.Thegi rl
sar eallst
ill
tooy oung, hei st heonl yonewhounder standsand
heseemst ot akei tal l
.Mypoorbaby , “
y es.”Inodded
andhenoddedt oobef oreasi ngletearescaped, “for
good? ”Inoddedagai n, “Ineedy outosayi tout
l
oud. ”It ookadeepbr eat h,“I
’llneverleav ey ouev er
agai n.Nomat t
erhowt oucht hingsget ,I’l
l al
way sbe
her e.Ineedy out ot rustme, I’
m sosor ryt hatIfail
ed
youandy oursi sters.ButI ’
m goi ngt obet hebest
mot herev erf rom t hispoi nton, al
ri
ght ?”henodded,
“okay .”Hi sv oicewasshaki ngandi thur tmesobad
becausei twasal lbecauseofme.“ comeher e,
”He
stoodupandwal kedov ert omewi t
hhi sbaby
brot herst il
linhi sar msandst oodnextt omybed.
“Mom, meetAkoni , hehasy ournose. ”Webot h
l
aughedashepl acedmysoni nmyar m, “herli
ke
this…y eaht hat ’
sr ight.”Hesai dashedi rectedme
howt ohol dhi sbr other ,Iwant edt olaughathi m.I
guesshet houghtbecauseIdidn’
thaveababyt henI
di
dn’tknowhowt oholdone.ButIdidn’
twanttohurt
hi
sf eel
ingsanddidashei nstr
uct
edandl ooked
down.Ohmygosh, Iwashol di
ngmybabyf orthe
fi
rstti
me.

Hehadmynoseandcur lyhairlikemi ne.Itwast hick;

Idon’
tthinkit’snormal forbabi est hissmalltohav e
somuchhai r.Hewasdar kt hough, li
keKhenanand
hi
solderbr other.Ismi l
edashemadesuckl i
ng
noi
seswi thhi sli
ttl
emout h.Iwast eari
ngup, “
don’ t
beacrybaby ,that’
sAkoni ’sjob.”Igav eLakhiwet he
l
ook,“l
eav emeal one.”Andhel aughedandhugged
mef r
om t heside, “
it
’sgoodt ohav ey oubackMom.I
washonest lywor ri
edaboutChr istmas. ”Icouldn’t
hel
pbutl augh, soft
lysonott owakemysl eeping
pri
nce.“Ihear dthat,
”webot htur nedandf ound
Khenanstandingbythedoorwit
hacamer ainhis
hand.“I
’
vebeenwai t
ingfort
hismoment ,
”hesaidas
hesnappedaf ewpictur
es.“
He’sbeencarry
ingthat
aroundever
ywhere,soannoyi
ng,”Lakhi
wesaid
rol
li
nghiseyes.

Afterawhi letheki dshadt ogohome, andt heyt ook

mybabyaway .Zeewoul dtakeAkoni t
oAbebi and
thent herestoft heki dswoul dspendt heni ghtwi t
h
him.Iwant edt ocrybecauseIonl ygotanhourwi th
mybaby ,butthedoct orinsist
edt hatIneededt orest.
ButIwasal sowor r
iedaboutZenonandmyot her
kids,butKhenanr eassur edmet hathewoul dbr ing
them allbackf i
rstthi
ngi nthemor ni
ng.Hehel ped
mebat handt hengoti ntobedwi t
hme.Wewer e
l
y i
ngf acetof ace, t
her oom wasdar kandt heonl y
l
ightwascomi ngf rom thebui l
dingsaround.“ Hey .
”I
saidbef oreIpeckedhi slips.Icouldseethet wi nkle
i
nhi sey es,“Il
ov ey ou,thanky ouforcomi ngbackt o
me. ”Ismi l
edandhepeckedmyl i
psagain,“thisis
ourhappyendi ng, t
hanky ouforwai t
ingforme. ”
West ar
edintoeachot her’
seyes,andnobodyspoke
thi
swasj ustperfect
.Hewoul dleani
neverynow
andagainandki ssme, I
’dsmilecoyl
y.Hewas
makingmebl ushasher ubbedmycheckwi t
hhis
thumb,GodIl ov
et hi
sman.

ThankGoditwasal
lov
er,nowwecouldli
veourl
ives.
Nobabymamadr ama,nodrugl
ordst
ryi
ngtoki
ll
us
andnoKali
sa.

Khenan’sphoner angbri
ngi
ngmebackt oreal
i
t y
,he
l
ookedatt hescreen.Hisbodytensedabitbeforehe
putitonsil
enceandt henonthechairnexttot
he
bed.“Whyarey ouignori
ngthat?”hepeckedmyl i
ps.
“BecauseI’
m withmywi feandIdon’tneedany
dist
racti
ons.
”Heseemedof fi
sh,“whati
fit’
s
i
mpor t
ant?”hescratchedhishead,“I
’l
ltakecar eofi
t
tomor row.Nowgetsomer est.
”Hesl eptfacingup
andpul ledmet owardshischest,hi
shear twas
beatingoutofsy ncandIcouldn’tseehisf acial
expression.Hekissedthetopofmyhead; Iwonder
whati twasnow.Ij usthopeheisn’ti
nanyt roubl
e.I
closedmyey es,“
baby?”

Hi
m:Hhmm

Me:
WhyAkoni
?

Him: i
tmeansinestimable,youknow.We’vebeen
throughsomuch, especiall
ywhenitcomesto
pregnancy.Sot
hej oyIfeltwhenIfoundoutourson
wasal i
veandhealthwast oogreattodescr
ibe.

Idi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ngaft
ert
hat
.Ikeptmyey
escl
osed
andtr
iedt
ofal
lasl
eep.
[
11/
23,
18:
30]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode165(
fi
nal
par
t)
ThenameKhenanpi ckedwasj ustperf
ect,butIst
il
l
sensedt hatsomethi
ngwasupwi thhim butIdi
dn’
t
wantt opush.Iwokeupt henextmor ni
ngandhe
wasn’tinbedwi t
hme, Istay
edinbedf orawhi l
e
star
ingatt hecei
li
ng.Isai
dal i
ttl
eprayerthanki
ng
Godf ormyf amil
yandkeepingmeal iveforthem.

Mydoct orwal kedinandhedi dacheckupandwas

happy ,“
whencanIgohome? ”Iwast r
yingmyl uck
becauseIknewt herewasnowayofmegoi nghome
anytimesoon.IknewIwoul dgetbetterbeingat
home, I’
v ebeenshotbef ore.Icoul
dn’texactlysay
thattothedoct or,“
justbeforeChri
stmas. ”He
answer edandt hatwasi naboutaweek’ st i
me.“ And
Christmasshoppi ng?”Iaskedhi m,hechuckl ed,“I
knowst ay inghereisn’tthatfunbutit
’sonl ybeena
fewday s.WhenI ’m sati
sfiedwithyourheal i
ng,only
thenwi l
l Idischargeyou.”Thismancl earl
ydoesn’ t
knowwhoIam, orwhomyhusbandi s.Tomor row
I’
m goi nghome, Isai dinmyheadandj ustsmi ledat
him.“ Someonewi ll bri
ngy ouy ourbreakf astand
helpy oubat h.”Het henputt hecl i
pboar datt hef l
oor
ofmybedandwal kedout .Igotoutofbedandi t
wassor e,myst abwoundwaswor set hant hegun
shotsound.Ipower edthroughi tandr anmybat h
wat er,“arey ouf ucki ngcr azy ?”thatwasKeenan,
“youwantt ohur ty our self
.”Ir oll
edmyey esathi m,
“andy ouknowy oucan’ tgety ourdressi ngwet .Gosh
Thando, whydoy oual way shav etotrybei ngso
i
ndependent ?Wheny ouneedhel pjustask. ”He
pulledmet othet oiletandmademesi tdownand
thensor t
edoutmywat er,Ilookedathi m closel yand
thenhet urnedar oundandl aughed, “
no…haha…I ’
m
notgi vingy ouabat h.Abebi isusingt hel adiesshe
willbeher ei naf ew.I nt hemeant imey oucanbr ush
yourt eeth…y ourbr eathest inks.”Hegotmy
toothbr ushandt oot hpasteandhandedi ttome, “
I
thinky ou’l
l manage.Abebi willbeherej ustnow, I’
ll
getbr eakfast .”AndassoonasIf ini
shedbr ushing
Abebi walkedi nandshehel pedmebat hov erlight
conv ersation.
Thenextt woday sweret hesameandIwasst i
llhere,
Khenandi dn’
twantt osignt her el
easepaper s.And
everydayhebr oughtthechi ldrenforafewhour s.
Mbal ihadn’tcomet oseemeandIassumedt hat
wasbecauseshewentt oseeMdu’ sf amilysinceit
wast hef esti
veseason.I twast i
mef orthekidst o
l
eav eandIwassad, “I
’
llber ightback.”Khenansai d
ashegotup, “Akoni wassleepi ngonmychest ;he
doesn’tcr yheissuchanangel .Thedoct orwas
againstmebr eastfeedinghi m becauseIwason
medi cati
onbutIl ongedf orit.He’sbeenonf ormula
sincehewasbor nsoIdon’ tev enknowhowhewi ll
reacttobei ngont hebreast.

“Kidsgety ourst
uffit
’stimetogo,”Khenanwalked
backi n.Khanyil
ookedupathi mf r
om thechai
r,
“daddy ,30moremi nutes.Mommyget sboredwhen
wel eaveher,ri
ghtMom? ”sheaskedmeandI
nodded.Thi schi l
dwassomani pul
ativ
e,“i
magineif
i
twasy ou.Woul dy ouwantt osi
tinthisr
oom allby
yourself?IknowIwoul dn’
t,don’tdoitdaddy…don’t
doit.”Shehadherey esopenwi deandIwant edto
l
aughsohar d.“Whosai dwe’ rel
eavi
ngher?”Khenan
askedev ersocasual l
y,“
what ?”Iasked.“
Please
don’tjokeli
ket hat.”Hesmi led,“
you’r
egoinghome. ”
Everyonecelebr atedandt heyhelpedpackmyt hings,
Iwasputi nawheel chai
rev enthoughIwasagai nst
i
t.Khenant hreat enedthathewoul dleavemebehi nd
i
fIwentagai nsthiswor dsoIj usthadtocooperate.

Wegott othepent houseandmyst uf

fwasther
e
already,Idi
dn’tneedt oevenaskwhywewer ehere.I
didn’twanttomov ebackt otheoldhouse,
butthis
mov i
ngwasn’ tidealf
orthechil
dren.Weneeda
housei ntheol dneighborhoodsoitwouldbeclose
tot hechil
dren’sschools.Khenanplacedmeont he
bed, “whatarey outhinki
ngabout?”
Me:
Thatweneedanewhouse.

Hi
m:FunnybecauseItr
iedt
olook,
butIknewt
hat
woul
dbeyourdepart
ment.

Me:
Thesoonerthebet
ter
,butobv
iousl
ywewi
l
lhav
e
t
ospendChr
ist
masandNewYear ’sher
e.

Him:KeenanandAbebiwerehopi
ngtheywoul
dhost
usforChri
stmas.Cecewi
ll
beheretoo.

Me:Soundsl
i
kefun,butwestil
lneedt
oget
decor
ati
onsf
orheretoo.Theki
dsneedthat
.

Hi
m:I’
ll
gettheonesfrom t
hehouseandt
henmay
be
wecanjustgetaChr
istmastr
ee.
Me:
Nott
oobad.

Hi
m:Youcanshopf
oral
lthegi
ft
sonl
i
ne

Me:
what
?

Hi
m:Youcan’
tbeoutandabouti
nyourcondi
ti
on.

Me:
Real
l
y?I
t’
sacondi
ti
onnow?

Hi
m:Whatdoy
ouwantt
ocal
li
t?

Me:
youknowI
’
vebeent
hroughwor
ser
ight
?

Him: YesIdo,
butwhatwast hecondi
ti
onofme
gett
ingyououtofthehospi
talear
ly?
Me:
Babe

Hi
m:Don’
tbabeme…I
’
llgett
hel
apt
op.

Me:Iwantthosewi
ngsf
rom t
hatBPgar
agewhi
l
e
you’
reati
t.

Hi
m:Thando,
I’
m notdr
ivi
ngacr
osst
ownf
ory
our
wi
ngs.

Me:
Butbaby
,howwi
l
lIshopwhenI
’
m hungr
y.

Him:Therearepl
ent
yotherpl
acesthat
….Wait
,are
youpunishi
ngmebecauseIputyouonbedrest?

Ii
gnor
edhi
m,“
letmecheckt
oseei
fthehospi
tal
has
clearedouty ourr oom.”Hewoul dn’ tdare,“baby ,I
wasj ustplay i
ng.”Hechuckl ed,“Ithoughtso. ”Hi s
phonebeepedandhi sfacechangedagai n,“listenI
hav et ogetgoi ngf oralit
tl
ewhi le, canIgety ou
any t
hi ng?”hewashi dingsomet hingf r
om me,
“Khenanwhati sit?Iknowy ou’
rekeepi ngsomet hing
from me, isitthepolice?”helookedatmeand
crawl edont hebed.“ Youwor r
yt oomuch, i
t’sj ust
wor kst uff.
”Heki ssedmyf oreheadandt henhanded
met hel aptop,“I
’l
l br
ingsupper ,andI ’l
lletLakhi we
knowI ’m gone.Seey oulater.
”Wi tht hathel ef tandI
putt hel aptopasi deandsl eptfacingt hecot .My
babywassl eepingpeacef ull
yandIsoondosedof f
too.

*
***Khenan
Thisbitchwast ryi
ngme, shedoesn’ tknowwhoIam,
Idrovet oherhot el andgott hekeyf rom the
reception.Shewasst ayingatoneofmyhot els;I
didn’
tev enneedt ot r
ackherdownbecausesheput
thenameoft hehot elandherr oom numberi nt he
nudesshehasbeensendi ngme.Iopenedt hedoor
andf oundhersi tti
ngont hecouchsi pping
champagne, “tooky oul ongenough.YouknowI
don’tli
kebei ngkeptwai t
ing. ”Iwentst r
aightt oher
andpul ledherupbyherhai r, sl
ammi ngheragai nst
thewal l.Iputmyhandar oundherneckandshe
l
ookedf rightened, shehadn’ tseent hissideofme,
“andy ouknowwhatIdon’ tlike?Repeat i
ngmy self.
”
Shewast urningal itt
lebi tredandIl oosenedmygr i
p,
“Khenan, you’rehur ti
ngme. ”Ichuckl edthat’st he
wholepoi nt,“nowy oust ayawayf rom me.Thi si s
thelastt imeIam war ningy ou, dowhat everi tisy ou
camet oCapeTownf orandgetoutofmyt own. ”
Shelaughedabi tandIt ight enedagai n,“i
fyoudon’ t
doasIsay ,I
’llcutofy our2000$t itsandt hosebut t
i
mpl ant sy oukeepshaki ngi nmyf ace.I’ll
turny ou
i
ntoawal ki
ngironboard,
youhearme?”shenodded
abitandthatwasgoodenoughf ormeandIletgo
ofher.Shedroppedtothefl
oorcoughi
ngand
hol
dingonherneck,“don’
tmakemedoi t
,youwil
lbe
sor
ry.”

Ifixedmy selfupandwal kedoutofther

eleav i
ngher
sobbi ngont hefl
oor.“ThankyouHope,”IsaidasI
wal kedpasst herecepti
onandintomycar ,Isat
theref orawhilebeforedri
vingacr
osstownt oget
thewi ngsf r
om BP.Honest l
ytheyweregreatandthe
kidsenj oyedthem too.Igotsomepizzatooand
thenheadedhomet omywi f
eandkids.

*
**Thando
Iwaswokenupbyacr yi
ngbaby ,
butIt houghtIwas
dreami ngunt ilIrealizedIwashome.Igotupand
wentt ot hecot ,“heybaby .”Akoni immedi ately
stoppedcr yi
ng, “What ’swrong? ”Ismi ledandpi cked
him upandoutoft hecot ,whichwasv erydi ffi
cul t
becausemyar m wasi nasling.Ipl acedhi m ont he
bedandt ookt hesl ingof f
;Khenani sgoi ngt okillme
Ithoughtt omy self.Icouldheart heki dsi ntheot her
room, soundedl iket heywer ewat chingamov ie.
Khenanhadl eftthedooropen; Ilookedar oundt he
room sear chingf ormybabi esthings.Ir anabat hf or
him becausei twasl ateanyway sandt henputt he
heatoni nther oom sohedoesn’ tgetcol d.Myar m
wassopai nf
ul, butI’vebeenanabsentmot herf or
toolongandIneededt osteeront hrought hepai n.I
tookof fhisnappy ;I’
dseenal otofbabyshi tfrom
thet r
ipletsandNsi kasoIwasn’ tfazed.Igav ehi ma
bathandhewassohappy ,heseemedt oenj oyt he
water.Af terdryinghi m up,Iloti
onanddr essedhi m
i
nt hecl othesIhadf oundneat l
ypackedi nt hecl oset.
“Therey ougo.You’ resuchagoodboy …mommy ’
s
boy.Youdi dn’tev encr y;
let’
sgety ousomet hingt o
eat.”IlookedupwhenIhear dabeepi ngsound,
Khenanst oodt herewi t
hhi scamer a,“howlonghav e
youbeenst andingthere?”Iaskedhi m, hehadt he
biggestgrinonhi sface.“Longenought oknowt hat
you’rethebestmot herali
ve.”Thatmademebl ush,I
pickedupmyson, “yourdadi stry
ingt ocharm me. ”
Wewal kedt othedoorandheki ssedmyl i
ps,“are
youhungr y?”Inodded, “l
etmef eedAkoni ,youand
thekidscanhav esupper .Igotthewi ngs.Ismiled
andhandedhi m Akoni beforeslowlyfollowinghim
i
nt otheloungewher ethef oodwas.

AftersupperIhadAkoni sleepinginmyar msandwe

wer ewatchingamov i
e,myf i
rstni
ghthome.Thisis
exactl
yhowIi magi nedwewoul dbeIputmyhead
onKhenan’ sshoulder.Hekissedmyf oreheadand
whisperedan‘ Il
ovey ou.
’

Whataper
fectnighti
ndeed,
thi
swasev
ery
thi
ngI
hadbeenl
ongingfor.
[
11/
23,
18:
31]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode166(
Par
t1)

Ihadbeenhomef oracoupl eofday snow.

Decemberwasabi thect i
cf orKhenan; hehadt ogo
towor kinthemor ningshowev erhewasal ways
homeby3pm ev ery daynodoubt .Hehadn’ tgi
ven
megr i
efabouttakingof fmysl i
ngandknewi twas
bestf ormybaby .Iwaspumpi ngmymi lkandtesti
ng
i
tf orthemedsIwast aking,itwasn’tgetti
ngany
betterandIstil
lcoul dn’
tbr eastfeed.Howev erAkoni
didn’tmindthebot t
leandhewasgr owingstrong
andget ti
ngbigger.
Ilefttheki dsi nthel i
vi
ngar eawi thsnacks, i
twasa
badi dea.Iknewt hatbef or eIev enl eftthem, butI
hadt ogett hel aundr ydone.Lakhi wewasso
responsi bl eandi tscar edmeathi sage, hewas
wat chingov erev eryoneespeci all
yhi slittl
ebr other.
Khany iandt het wi nsgotal ongt oowel l butthet wins
l
iket omessar oundwi t
hLakhi weandannoyhi m at
ti
mes.Thef irstloadwasnowi nthedr i
erandIwent
tocheckonev ery oneandf unnyenought hepl ace
wasspot less.Lakhi wewasasl eepont hecouchwi th
Teeonhi ssi deandZeel yi
ngonhi slapal sofast
asleep.Khany iandAkoni wer eont hefloorandt hey
toower easl eep.HadIl eftt hem f orthatl ong?I
coul dn’
tl eav et hissceneuncapt ur ed,soIgr abbed
Khenan’ scamer aandt ookaf ewpi cture,“andt hey
sayI ’mt heannoy ingone? ”Ismi ledandgi ggledabi t.
“Theyar epr eci ousar en’ tthey ?”IaskedasIwenti n
forahug, “toomuch. ”Heki ssedt het opofmyhead.
Hewasi nj eansandwhi teshi r
tandl ookedsexyas
fuck.KhenanandIhadn’ tbeeni ntimat esi nceIgot
back, Iwasn’ tr
eal lycompl aining.Butt odayhewas
l
ooki ngal l kindsofsexy , “
HawuThando? ”hesai din
abi tofanaccent , “what ?”Isai dbackathi m.He
l
aughed, “
Youdi dn’
tev enhearawor dIsai d.What ’
s
onyourmi nd? ”Ipushedmyhai rbehindmyear , and
thedoor bellrangsav ingmef r
om t he
embar rassment .I
twasadel i
ver yguyf rom the
onli
neshopI ’
vebeenusi ng,ther ewereabout12
boxesandKhenanr aisedhi sey ebrows.“ What ,hurry
upbef oret hekidswakeup? ”Hegav et heguyat i
p
andthenpackedt het hingsinourr oom, t
herewasn’ t
enoughspace.Lucki lyIhadf oundusahouseand
theconst ructi
oncompanywasgoi ngt ostart
workingoni tsoon.Ther ewer en’tmaj orchangesI
wanteddone, i
twasj ustmai nlytheent rancear ea,
andthedr iv eway ,Andofcour set hebackbecause
theentertainmentspacewasj ustnotupt ostandar d.
Thehousewasal mostdoubl et heglasshouseand
thekidshadbi ggerr ooms, TeeandZeehad
separater oomswi thaj ointbat hroom.Iwant edt he
proj
ectt obeov erbef oretheki dsgobackt oschool ;
Iwasmeet i
ngwi t
hthecont r
act oratthepent house.I
wasn’tusingAt andwabecauseIdi dn’twantt omake
Khenanuncomf ortable.
.
.

Itwasthenightbefor
eChr i
stmasandKhenanwas
helpi
ngmywi thmyar m exer
cisesaf
terIt
ookmy
shower.“Baby,whatarethecopssayi
ng?”hel
ooked
atme, “
Ijustwanttoknow.”

Him:wouldhav
etoldyouifsomethi
ngwas
happeni
ngandfornowit’
sstil
lqui
et.

Me:
Doest
hatmeani
tisst
il
lpendi
ng?
Hi
m: Idon’tknow,
assoonasPi
etl
etsmeknowI
’
ll
t
ell
yout oo.

Me:
Hhmmm.

Him:Thando,wearenotfi
ght
ingthedaybefore
Chri
stmas.Comeletsgoopenthepresent
s,theki
ds
havebeenwaiti
ngfort
his.

Het ookAkoniandwal kedoutoft hebedroom,

may beIwaspushi ngandt herewasnoneed.Buthe
shouldunderstandt hatIwantt hi
sov erwithsowe
canliveourli
ves,Ijustwantt ocutof fal
ltieswit
h
mypastandhonest lyifitwassolelyupt omeI ’d
rel
ocatethewhol efami l
y .Ismil
edatt hethought,
“Thando,getyourassher e.”Iqui
cklygotupand
walkedintothelounge, thekidshaddecor atedthe
penthouseont hei
rown, theyinsi
stedandIj ustl
et
them.Isatonthef
loorandcr
ossedmylegs,
Tee
wasont opofmeinasecond,“mefir
stmommy.
”
Shewashol di
ngapinkboxandshaki
ngit
.

Every
oneopenedaf ewgiftandwer ehappywi th
whatt heygot .Ididn’
topenany thing; KhenanandI
werewai tingt i
l
ltomor r
ow.West ay edupwat ching
mov i
es; wehadsetupcampi nthel ounge.But
midnightal lthechil
drenwer easleep, “baby.”Isaid
si
tti
ngupandl ookingatKhenan.“ Yesmyl ove.”He
sai
dr ubbingmyt high,“It
hinkmay bet omor r
owwe
cangoandseeNsi ndi
so.”Hisey eswi dened,“nota
goodi dea? ”heletoutasi gh,“
let’
sj ustsayhi s
motheri sn’tthenicestperson.”

Me:Idon’
thaveanythi
ngt odowi t
hheranyways.
Nsi
ndisoismybrother.Dumi andNanalef
tmeashit
l
oadofmoneyt hatIdon’tneed,I
’m sur
ehe’
dhave
bet
terusefori
t.

Hi
m:Iknow,
andt
hati
sver
yki
ndofy
ou.May
bey
ou
shoul
dgi
vehi
m acal
l
.

Me:
Ithoughtmay
-

Him: No,it
’sy ourideaandy ouhavetofoll
ow
thr
oughwi thit.Il
ovey oubutyoudon’tneeda
babysitt
er.Ithinkwhaty ou’
redoingisgood,
Nsindisoneedal it
tl
ehelp.Butifi
t’
scomi ngfr
om
you,theny ouneedt obetheonet opi
ckupt he
phoneandcal l hi
m.

Ipull
edasadf ace,“nope, i
twon’twor konme.”I
str
aightenedmyf ace,“butbabe.”Heshutmeup
withaki ss,“
butbabenot hi
ng.”Hekissedmy
shoulderandl i
ftedmeupandpl acedmeonhi slap
str
addlinghim.“ Whatar ey oudoing?”Iaskashe
ki
ssesmyneckandst andsupwi t
hmei nhisarms,
“I
’m maki nglovetomywi fe.”Hewhisperedinmy
earandthatsentshi
versdownmyneckandmy
back,heki
ssedmesl owly.Hewasi nnorush,he
ki
ckedthedoorclosedwithhisfootandplacedme
onthebedasheknel toverme.Ourlipshaven’
t
part
ed,andhishandshav ecar
essedmybodynot
l
eavingasingl
einchuntouched.

Iwasnakedunderhi m andhepul ledawayf rom the

kiss,“Ilovey ou.”Hesai dlookingdeepi nmyey e,
my
facegothotandmyey esgott eary .Itri
edt ospeak
butIhadahugel umpi nmyt hroatandt hetearsfell
i
nv oluntari
ly.Hepl acedhi sforeheadagai nstmi ne
andi nsertedhi mselfin;Iletoutasi l
entgaspand
closedmyey es.Hedi dn’tmov e,“lookatme. ”I
openedmyey esandhehadt earsi nhi stoo,“don’t
ev erleaveme, ok?”Inodded, “sayi t.”Het hr
ustonce,
“I’
llneverleav e,everagain.”Hest ar tedmov ingso
slowlyandheki ssedmyl i
psagai n, heputhi sweight
onmeandbur i
edhisheadbet weenmyshoul derand
neck.Iwr appedmyar msar oundhi m ashel i
ftedmy
asst omeethi sgri
nd,ourchest sski nt oskinandour
hear t
smov i
ngi nsync.Wewer einanot herwor ld
wher enothingelsemat t
ered,ourbodi esmov edin
onemot i
onunt ilIfeltmybui l
dup.Hel i
ftedof fme
ontohi sarmsandl ookedi nmyey es, “wai tforme
baby .
”hesai dashest ar
tedmov i
ngf ast er,Iwanted
tobutIcoul dn’tIcoul dn’
thelpbutl etitgo.Icame
underhi m andmywal lsti
ghtenar oundhi sshaf tand
thatseemedt odr i
vehi m crazy.Hepi ckeduphi s
paceandgr abbedmyneckpul l
ingmet ohi sli
psand
thenpul l
edawayl etti
ngoutamoanashi sbody
stif
fened.Het witchedabi tandt henr elaxedhi s
body ;hepulledmebacki ntoaki ss,“
Il ov eyou.”I
didn’tsayany t
hing, andheki ssedmeagai nbefore
mov ingusi ntotheshower …

.
.

Christmasdaywasf unwi t
hAbebi andKeenan, she
hadacat eri
ngcompanycomesetupi ntheirback
yard.Ther ewasaj umpingcast leandgames,
honest lyIdon’ tknowf orwhom becauseonl ythe
twinsandmay beKhany iwer ebigenought oplay.I
ce
andKi m alsojoi nedusaswel lasCeceandher
daught er .All
inal li
twasaf unaf t
ernoon, Ihadjust
changedZeeandIwat chedherj umpi ntothe
sandpi tonpur pose,“Ican’
t!”Cecel aughed, “Woah,
hayi wet hulett hechil
drenenj oy.Atleasty ouknow
theywi llsleept hroughouttheni ght.
”Il ookedather,
“Cecey oudon’ tknowt hesegi rl
s,somet i
mesIj ust
can’tdeal .
”Shel aughedatme, “it
sal l
par tof
growi ng.Youhav eawashingmachi neandamai d.
”

Me:
Idon’
thav
eamadeCece.

Cece:Thenwhat
’st
hel
adyal
way
sdoi
ngatt
he
house?
Me:Shet
akescar
eoft
heki
dswhenwear
en’
t
av
ail
abl
e.

Cece:
shedoesn’
tcook.

Keenan:
Nev
er!
!

Every
onecrackeduplaughi
ng,
“Soar
eyout
ell
i
ngme
thatyoucookever
yday?”

Me:
Notev
ery
day
,butf
iveday
soutoft
heweek.

Cece:
Laundr
y?

Me:
Idoi
t.
Cece:
Ironi
ng.

Khenanlaughed,heknowshowmuchIhat eir
oning.
Andhonest l
yIthinkt hatbecausehehasal wayshad
mai di
twassomet hingeasyf orhimt oacceptabout
me.Ididn’tevenironmyowncl othes,butev eryt
hing
el
seIdof ormy self;
Icook, cleanandwash.Ido
havesomeonewhocl eanstwiceaweekbutt herest
Itakecareof.Wecont i
nuedtalki
ngunt ilwehadt o
l
eav ebecauseIwasgoi ngtoseeNsi ndiso,he
seemedexci t
edaboutt alki
ngt omebutKhenan
mademener vousbecausehi smom di dn’tseem so
niceorkeen.

Asal waysthekidswant edtostay,andsinceAbebi

waspr egnantshel ovedmysont oomuchand
i
nsistedIleavehimt oo.Akonidoesn’tcrywhenI
l
eav ehim wit
hot herpeopleandthatispr obabl
y
becauseIhav en’
treallybeenther
e,butthatwasall
goingtochangebecauseIwasnotpl anningon
goingbackt owor kany t
imesoon.ButbecauseIwas
goi
ngtoNsindi
soIdecidedtol
eav
ehim andt
old
Abebi
itwasthelastt
ime.Shewassohappyand
sheki
ssedmycheeks.

Ipackedsomel ef toverforNsi ndisoandhi smom

andt henIpackedmy selfsomeoft hemeatandt he
chocolat ecake.“ Ihopet hereisenoughf ormet here
too.”Khenanwal kedintot hekitchenandki ssedmy
cheekandt hentookadr umst ick,“t
hereisenough
foodathomef ory ou.
”her aisedhi seyebrow, “
so
whyar ey oupacki ngf ood.”Iclosedupev er
ything
andi gnoredhi m, “makey ourselfusefulandpack
theseint hecar .”Isaidgoodby etoev eryoneandwe
gotintot hecar ,“shit.
”Khenancur sedaswedr ov e
downt her oad,Iwasv eryconf used.Hepl acedhi s
phoneandl i
ghteronmyl apandwentoutt hecar .He
closedt hebootandt hengotbacki nside,“whost il
l
doest hat?”hest arteddrivi
ngaway ,“doeswhat ?”I
l
aughed, “Closesabootmanual ly
?Wej ustpressa
button.”
Hi
m:Mxm,
youpusht
hebut
toni
nyourmust
ang?

Me:
It’
sdi
ff
erent
,that
’sav
int
agecar
.

Him:Soyoumanual
l
ycloseal
lyourcar
sbecause
youonl
ydri
veol
dcar.

Ipunchedhim pl
ayful
l
y,“what
,it
’str
ue.”Helaughed,
hewasr i
ghtbecauseIlovedv
intagecars,
“Idohave
newcarsbaby.”

Him:No,youhaveonewhichIboughtf
oryouafew
Chri
stmasesbackandyoudon’tev
endriv
ethat
.

Me:Idrovei
tli
keamont
hago,
andIhav
ethe
wr
angler.
Hi
m: Youmeanmywrangl
er;
faceityou’
reawhi
te
gr
anny,st
ucki
nacol
ouredMexicanbody.

Me:
That
’snotf
unny
.

Him:I
t’
sfunnyasshi
t,what
’snextgr
annysmi
th?A
1967ChevyImpal
a?

Me:
Youknowt
hat
’sanawesomecar
!

Hejustlaughedandwedr ovetherestoftheway
andhisphoner ang,heturnedquickl
ytor eachit
from mylap.Il
ookedathi m andheanswer editon
l
oudspeakerandt henplaceditbackonmyl ap,
“Kali
sa.
”Itookthephoneandputi tonhislapand
l
ookedf ormyheadset sinmybag.Icoul dn’tfi
nd
t
hem,
“whatdoy
ouwant
?”

Kali
sa:That
’snowaytotal
ktoy
ourmot
her
,
especi
all
ynotonChri
stmas.

Khenan:
Himom,
mer
ryChr
ist
masmom….Any
thi
ng
el
se?

Kal
i
sa:
Wher
ear
ethechi
l
dren?

Khenan:
Ilef
tthem atmybr
other
shouse

Iheardasneeri nhervoice,
“oh…andt hewi fe?”
Khenanlookedatme, Ihadthechairrecl
ined,“she’
s
withmeandy ou’reonspeaker.
”Kalisaquickly
changedherv oice,“
Thandohowar eyoudear ?”Ij
ust
rai
semybr owsatKhenananddi dn’trespond.What
didtheyexpectmet osay?Actallhappyfami l
ywith
them,Idon’thav eti
mef ort
hat,“
lookshe’son
anot
hercal
l
,I’
l
ltel
ltheki
dsy
oucal
l
ed.By
e.”

Kal
i
sa:
CanIcomeandseet
hem?

Khenan:
thatwasn’
tpar
toft
heagr
eement
.

Kal
i
sa:
please.

Khenan;
ByeKal
i
sa.

Hecutt hecal
landlookedatme,Ididn’tsay
anythi
ng.HecouldpickupthatIwasn’tinthemood
forhisbull
shi
t,“
I’
m sorr
ybaby…itt
houghty ou’
dsay
hi.
”

Me:
Idon’
tgi
veashi
taboutKal
i
sa.Icanhandl
eher
.
Hi
m:Sowhyt
hel
ongf
ace?

Me:Khenanifyou’
refucki
nganyofy
ourbit
chesI
swearIwil
lcutyourdi
ckoffandf
eeditt
oher.

Hi
m:Than-

Me: Don’
tfucki
ngThandome…Iwi l
ltaket
hosekids
soquickl
yy ouwontevenknowwhathappenedto
you.I’
l
lmil
ky ousodryyou’
llcomebuyoneofthese
ti
nhouses.

Iwasmad,wewer enowdr i
vi
nginNsi
ndi
so’
s
nei
ghbour
hood.Khenandidn’
tsayany
thi
nghejust
l
ookedaheadunti
lweparkedatatworoom house
wit
hashackontheside.Iunbuckl
edmyseatbelt
andsodi dheandIst eppedoutgoi ngtot heboot,I
tookoutthecont ainersoff oodandthenr eachedfor
thebuttontocl ose.Obv iouslybeingmyhei ghtI
couldn’
treachandKhenanhadt ohelpandhe
fol
lowedmeIt urnedt ol ookathim.“you’renot
neededher e…y oucansi tinthecarandt hinkof
whatstoryy ouwi llspinme.I fyoudecidet oli
ejust
makesur eit’sbelievable,Ihaveawayoff igur
ingout
thetrut
h.”Iturnedandwal kedaway .
[
11/
23,
18:
31]Ly
nne:
Epi
sode166(
Par
t2)

*
***Khenan
Ididn’tev enwantt of i
ghtwi thThando; Ireallydon’ t
knowwhatIwast hinking.OkayIknowv erywel l
whatIwast hinking; IthoughtFi kil
ewascal li
ngme.
FuckIneedt otell Thandot hetruthbecausei ft here
i
ssomet hingshei srightabout ;isthatsheal way s
fi
ndsshi tout .Isati nt hecarcont empl atingi fI
shoul dtell herornot .Fuck, thisisallKal i
sa’ sf ault.
Hadshenotcal ledt henwewoul dn’
thav ehadt hat
l
itt
leepi sode.Il ookedt hroughmyphoneandal lthe
callrecor dsandmessageshadbeendel etedpr ior.
Butthatdi dn’tmeanany thi
ngt oThandobecause
shewoul df i
ndt hem i fsher eal
lywant edt o.Ishoul d
tel
lher …Iputmyheadont hest eeri
ngwheel .What
wasIhi dingany way s?Sowhati fThandoknew?But
thenagai nshe’ dknowt hatIoncecheat edonmy
wife.She’ llthinkt hatI’llcheatonhert oo…f uckbut
I’
veal readycheat edonherandshei sst i
llher e.

Idi
dn’tr
ealiseIwasdeepinthoughtuntilt
hedoor
opened,Igotsuchafri
ght.Iswal
lowedhar dand
l
ookedatt heti
me;shehadbeengonef oralmost
twohours.Iwassolostinmyownt houghts,I
smiledatherbutshedi dn’
tsmil
eback.Sheputher
seatbel
tonandcr ossedherarms, “
so?”sher
oll
ed
hereyes,“sowhat?”fuckthi
swasgoi ngtobeharder
thanIthought
,“Howdi ditgo?”Iasked.

Her
:Shoul
dn’
tIbeaski
ngy
out
hatquest
ion?

Istartedt hecarandst artedtodr i

ve, “
it
’sthiscase.
”
Shewasshockedandl ookedatme, “youseewhyI
didn’twanty out oknow?Cany oujustchi l
landlet
met akecar eofit?”shel ookedoutt hewi ndowandI
cursedatmy self
,“whatar etheysay i
ng? ”sheasked
i
nal owv oice.IhatewhatIwasdoi ngt oherbutI
waspr otecti
ngher ,that’smyj obandIwi l
lnotl
et
thisstupidbi tchrui
nt his.“IsaidI’
lltakecar eofi
t,I
don’twanty ouwor ryingaboutt hi
sokay ?”Irubbed
hershoul derwi thmyhandasIdr ove.Shedi dn’
tsay
any t
hing; shewasasl eepwhenwegothome.I
parkedi nmyr eservedpar kingunder ground.“Baby,”I
shookhergent l
y,“we’rehome. ”sheopenedherey es
abi t
; “
pleasecar rymeup. ”Ilaughed, Ireall
ywanted
tobutshehadt oseehersur pr i
se, “I’l
lcar ryy ouafter
Ishowy ousomet hing.
”Shel ookedannoy edandI
reachedandunbuckl edher.shest eppedoutandI
putmyj acketov erhershoul ders.Wewal kedt oone
ofthepar kingbay sandsher oll
edherey esatme,
thecarwascov eredandIhadt opul l t
hecov ering
off.Thatwaswhenshewentcr azy , “Khenanno! ”
shewal kedar oundi tadmi r
ingi t’
sbeaut ybef oreshe
ranandj umpedi ntomyar msandwehugged.She
hadherl egswr appedar oundmeandt henshe
pulledawayf rom t hehugandst ar t
edhi ttingme.She
wasn’ thitti
ngmehar d,“whathav eIdonenow? ”I
saidwi thahugegr i
nonmyf ace, “thisiswhyy ou
wer eteasi ngme.Babywher edi dy ougett his?
Especi all
yaconv ert
ibl
e?You’ ref ull ofsur prises.”I
kissedheront hel i
ps,“wantt ot akei tforaspi n?”
Sheshookherheadbef orel yingdownonmy
shoulder ,“I’
mt ir
edmay bet omor row. ”

Iunder st
ood,t
hedrivetoandfrom Nsindi
so'
shouse
wasr atherl
ong.Igotherhandbagandt he
containersi
fgood,sheputherarm aroundmywaist
andthenputmyar m ov erhershoul derandwemade
ourwayt ot heelevator.Wegotupt ot hepent house
andsher anabackwhi leIpackedupev erything.The
housewasi nabi tofamesssoIdi dn'tbotherwi t
h
everythingbecauset heki dswoul dbeback
tomor rowandt herewer epl ent
ymor egi f
tst oopen.I
j
ustcleanedt heki t
chenandt henj oinedmywi f
ein
thebat h,Iwassi tti
ngbehi ndher.Irubbedher
shoulder sasIaskedheraboutNsi ndiso,"hewasso
happyhecr i
ed.
hesai dhe' sgoi nbackt oschool and
buil
dinghi smom ahouse. "Ismiledbecausehe
seemedl ikeagoodki d,"andhowwasWendy ?"

Thando:
youdon'
twantt
oknow.
Me:
thatbad?
Thando:shesai
dI'
mtryi
ngtobuyhersonandst
eal
hi
m withmoney.Youbabeshewentcrazy
.
Me:
shewasn'tver
ywelcomingwhenwewentt
otel
l
t
hem abouty
ourparent
spassi
ng.
Thando:Idon'
tgetit
,shekepthersonawayf
rom hi
s
fat
herforsolong.I
npovert
ymi ndyou,
andnowthat
theyarebeingoffer
edafinanci
albr
eakthr
oughshe
sti
llr
efuses.It
'sl
i
keshedoesn'twanthersonto
makesomet hi
ngofhimself.

Ihonest lydi
dn'thaveananswert othatsoIkept
quietandpl ayedwithherhai r
.Afterawhi l
eIbroke
thesilence,"Whenlastdi dyouspeaky oMbal i
?"I
askedherandshej ustshrugged..."
afterIgave
bir
th,"sheev entual
lysaid."It
hinkshe'savoidi
ng
me. "Ikissedhershoulder ,
"shedidn'tt
akewhat
happenedv erywell
,givehersomet i
meandshe' ll
eventuallycomear ound.
West ayedi
nsilenceunt
ilt
hewatergotcol
d,wegot
dr
essedi nourpyjamasandcuddl
eont hecouch
watchingChri
stmasmov i
esandeati
ngallthelef
t
overfood.
[11/
23, 18:
32]Lynne:Iwasreadingthelastepisode
andsor ryf
orthespelli
ngerr
ors.That’
swhatt ends
tohappenwhenIt ypeonmyphone, I’
lltryt
obe
bett
erandpr oofreadkahl
ebef orepostingthenext
i
nsert.Thiswil
lbet hel
astofthehalfinsert
s,I’
l
lpost
t
hesecondhal
flat
er.Andthenfull
epi
sodesf
rom
t
her
eafter
.Thanksforunder
standi
ng.

Epi
sode167(
1stPar
t)

*
***

“
Baby
,you’
vebeengr
umpysi
ncewel
eftCape
Town…noscr atcht hatsi ncewegotbackf rom the
tri
p.Pleasej ustcal lThandobecauseIcan’ thandl eit
wheny ou’relikethis.”Ijustr olledov erandcov er
ed
my selfwitht hebl anketandf acedt heot herway ,“go
awayMdu! ”Ihear dhi m chuckl e,yohhe’ sso
annoy i
ngIcan’ tdeal .Hest artedtickl i
ngme, “Mdu
awumekancane.Yazi ubangaukushi sa!
”Isnapped
athim andhemusthav egot tent hemessage
becausehegotoutofbedandheadedst raightfor
thebat hroom.Honest lyIdi dn’tcar e,wewer eathi s
parents’houseandt heyhadgoneont hecruisewi th
mypar ents.Mymot heri nsistedt heygowi t
h
becauset heydi dn’twantt owast et het i
ckets.Andi n
allhonest yIknewt hatNanawoul dn’ tmi nd,she
woul dnev erwantagoodt riptogot owast e.They
wer ecomi ngbacki naf ewday stime; we’dspend
NewYear ’sher eandt henheadback.Iwasmi ssing
myhousebutNsi kal ov edi ther eandhewant edto
waitforhi sgr andpar entst ogetbackbef orewel ef t
.

Ihadn’
tspokent
oThandoi
nfor
everandi
twas
weighi
ngdownonmebutshewasaselfi
shl
it
tl
e
bit
chwhoonl yt houghtaboutherself.Ihadt obeg
herallt
het imeandIwasnowdone.Thet hought
mademenauseousandIr anint
ot hebat hroom and
thr
ewupi nthesi nk,Mduwasont het oil
etseat
doinghisbusi ness.Healmostst oodup, “don’ tyou
darecomenearme.Si es.”Helookedwor ried, “
are
youokaybabe? ”Igav ehi
m abor edl ook,“I’
m babe
now?Youl eftmei nbedangi t
hi.
”Irinsedmymout h
beforebrushingandopenedheshowerwat er.I
sprayedtheai rf
reshner,“
hayiuyany abohnawe. ”

Mdu:
Mbal
inoneedt
ober
ude.

Me:
Hay
bo,
kant
iwenzani
?Awuny
i?

Ishutt
heshowerdoorandtookalongshower.I
heardMdurunni
ngthebathwaterandthenhewas
outwit
hin5minut
e,woahwarobha!Ithoughtt
o
my self
,ItookmyshowerandwhenIgott othe
bedroom hewasn’ tt
here.Igotdressed,andthen
tookmyhai routoftheswi r
l.Ihadjustgotablow
outsoi twasbounci ngandbl owinginthewind.I
smi l
edint hemi r
roranditremindedmeofThando,
sheal waysusedt odomyhai rsoitlookedli
kehers.
Iwasdr essedi nanof fwhit
et r
acksuitwhich
mat chedher s.Wast hi
saThandomemor yday,mxm
Iwor emysl ippersandheadeddownst ai
rs.

“…Imeaneggshel ls.Uzony amf ana…Iswearshe

i
sn’tli
kethistootherpeopl ewhenI ’m awayon
business.Butyohsana, l
ikeThandogoesAWOLand
shelosesitcompl etely.NgathiThandt ookoneof
herkidneysthetimeshewentaway .
”Iclearedmy
thoughtandThembi almostdroppedt hesav annah
shehadi nherhand.Shescr atchedherunbr ushed
fade,“Mbali!
”sheexcl aimed.Mduwassi t
ti
ngont he
highstoollooki
nggui l
tywhil
eThembi juststood
therenotknowi ngwhatt odo, “I
st her eany t
hi ngI
canhel pwi th?I sev ery oneel seupal ready .
”Mdu
clearedhi st hr oat, “
nah. ”Ishothi m aney e,“Iwasn’ t
talki
ngt oy ou. ”Hegav eThembi the‘ seewhatI
meanl ook. ”Itdr ov emecr azy ,“ev eni nmypr esence
Mdu.I ’m st andi ngr ighther e.”AndIdon’ tknowwhat
cameov ermebutIst artedcr ying, “
y aziMduwena
youdon’ tconsi dermyf eeli
ngs. ”Igr abbedapl ate
andt hrewi tathi m, heduckedandi thitthewal l
behindhi m.Hewasnowonhi sf eet,“baby .”He
mademeangr ier,“I
’m babynow?Yougossi ping
aboutmet oy oursi ster .
”It hr ewacupt hist i
meand
i
thi thischestbef oref all
ingt ot hef l
oor ,Thembi was
l
aughi ngandIt urnedt olookather .“uhlekani ?”I
askedi nt ear s, shest ar t
edbacki ngawaysl owl y ,
“sorrysisi.”Il ookedar oundt oseewhatIcant hrow
atherbutt her ewasnot hing.“ Ngusi si mi na?Hav e
youseenusi si onj ena? ”Iscr eamedast het ear sr an
downmycheeks.Shebumpedi nt oMduSnrandwe
allfroze,hel ookedar oundt her oom andhi sey es
l
andedonme.Di anawal kedi naf terhi m, “Mdu
umenzeni unkosi kaziwami ?”Myhusbandst ood
therewi thaconf usedl ook, almostamusedandt hat
mademecr yev enhar der,“comeher emydaught er.
”
Mduseni orgavemeahugandwal kedoutoft he
kit
chenwi t
hme.“ WeMdu!Uy enzeni i
ngane?”Ihear d
hismom shoot i
ngathi m asweexi tedthekitchen.
MduSnrsatmeont hecouchandhesatnextt ome,
“whathappenedMakot i.
”Inowhadhi ccupsand
l
uckilyDi
anawal kedi nwi thagl assofwat er
.Idrank
some, “
Mdu. .
.(Hi ccup)ungi hlebanoThembi .”Itold
onlikeafiveyearol d, “Hayi Baba,Iwasj ust-
”hisdad
l
ookedupathi m andhest oppedt alking,“
nobody
makesmybabycr y.
”Hehuggedmeunt i
lIcalmed
downbutIst i
llhadhi ccups, “nowgogetmyf i
nest
whiskeythatwillcur et hesehi ccups.”

Diana:Hayi
ke,uphambene!Youcan’
tseekut
hi
she’swit
hchil
d.

Mdu:
Angi
zwa?

MduSnrj
ustlookedatmeandsmil
ed,
“oh…”and
t
henhechuckled,
“hay
ikemyworkher
eisdone.
Baby,l
et’
sleav
etheseki
dst
osor
toutt
hei
r
probl
ems.”

Thembi:
Real
l
y?Di
dyouseet
heki
tchen,
yout
hink
i
t’
ssafe?

MduSnr
:Di
dyourbr
othert
hinkaboutsaf
etywhenh-

Hewasi nterr
uptedbyDianapunchi
nghi
m;he
chuckl
edandki ssedhercheek.“
HowaboutI
…”he
wiggl
edhi seyebrowsather.“
HayimanMdu,t
her
e
arechi
ldrenaround!”

MduSnr
:theyar
ecatchi
nguptous;theyhaveathi
rd
chi
l
dontheway.Awuze…ngekesi
hlulweizi
ngane.
.

Hepull
edhiswi
feaway…Icoul
dn’
thel
pbutgiggl
e.
Theminut
etheydi
sappear
edMducametositnext
tome.Ist
oodupandwenttoourbedr
oom and
l
ockedt hedoor.Heknockedf orali
tt
lewhileand
thenwentawayaf terIignoredhim;Itookmyphone
anddialedThando.“Finall
y,
”sheanswer ed.She
seemedsoexci ted,“ohfuck…wat chwher….”Tutu
tutu.Thephonecut .Itri
edagainbutthephoner ang
unanswered.

*
***Thando

Ihadleftt
hekidstogogett heirfavori
tebreakfast.I
t
wasaf ewday safterChri
stmasandIwasi nagood
moodbecauseIwasdr i
vi
ngmynewbaby .Alleyes
hadbeenonmeal l morni
ngandIl ovedit,
myphone
rangsoIputthebr ownbagundermyar m and
carr
iedthecoffeewhileIsearchedformyphone.I t
wasMbal i
,“f
inall
y.
”Ianswer ed,Iwassohappy ,she
fi
nal l
ycamear ound.Itur nedar oundandbumped
i
nt osomeone, “watchwher ey ou’regoi ng. ”Ishout ed
asmyphonedr oppedt ot hef l
ooral ongwi thmy
food, thebev eragesont hel adywhom Ij ustbumped
i
nt o.Herwhi tecashmer epol oneckwasdr enchedi n
cof f
ee, “
ohmygosh, I’m sosor ry.”Isai dasIt riedt o
pickupt hecof feecupsof fthef loor,Ihonest l
ydi dn’t
knowwhatt ogr abf i
rst.“Don’ twor ryabouti tMr s.
DeCost a,I’
llgetMar tintobr ewy ounewdr inks…I ’
ll
cleant hatup. ”Istoodupwi thwhat ev erIcoul dpi ck
upal ongwi thmyphone.“ GoshIdi dn’tmeant o,I
wasont hephoneandt hen…”It ookabr eat hwhenI
sawher ,thi
swomanwasf uckinggor geous.Per fect
dar kchocol ateskinherf acewasf l
awl essnotev ena
singlebl emi shi nsight.Iact uallystutt eredandshe
j
ustsmi ledatme, “Nothandor i
ght ?
”myey es
poppedout , shesmi l
edagai n.“ Youl ookgor geous…
wel lbet terthanonTVImustsay .”Shedi dn’ tseem
wor riedaboutherex pensi vecl othes, andt henIf elta
bitunder dressed.Shewasi nawhi tecashmer epol o
neckj erseyandabl uedeni mj ean; ev ent houghI
coul dn’tseet helabelitlookedexpensi ve.Shewas
carry i
ngaHer mesBi rkinbag, andamat chi ngpai rof
heels.Il ookeddownatmy sel f
, Iwasi nmyof fwhite
tracksui tpant sandapl ainbl ackv estwi thapai rof
Adidast rainer s.“CanIt aket hatt othedr ycl eaner s
foryou?Bet teryetl etmegety ouanewone. ”She
l
aughedatme, “youcan’ tbeser ious, thisol dt hing…
meet ingy oui nper soni swor thmor et hananypi ece
ofclot hing. ”Shegav emeal ittl
ej ab, i
fi twer eunder
anyot herci rcumst ancesIwoul dhav epunchedher
i
nt het hr oat .Butsi nceIwasi nt hewr ongIhadt o
sucki tup.Ipai df orheror derandwai tedwhi lethey
refi
ll
edmi ne.Wechat tedabi t,andy esshewas
snobbi shbutact uallynice; Ididn’ taskaboutwhat
shedoesf oral i
vingbecauseIwasaf raidI ’
dof fend
her.AsmuchasIhadr ichpar ent sIst il
l wor kedmy
wayupt ogett her espectIhav ei ntheki tchenr ight
now.Buther , sheseemsl ikeal ostnai v ecase; i
twas
actuallycut et hough.Shewast woy ear sy ounger
thanme, nev ermar ri
edandf unnyenoughshehada
daught eri nt hesamegr adeasKhany i.Idi dn’t
ment iont hatt hough, “Mrs.DeCost a, yourdr inksare
ready.”Mar tinshout edoutt ome, “well that’sme, i
t
wasgr eatmeet i
ngy ou.Agai nI ’m sosor ryabout
yourjer sey .”Shesmi l
edandwi nked, “Iknowhow
youcanmakei tuptome.”Ismil
edback;shegota
napkinandwr otehernumberdown.“We’l
lkeepin
touch,uhm Fi
fi”Isai
dputt
ingiti
nmybag.Igr abbed
mydr i
nksandheadedout ,“t
hanksMarti
n,tel
lDaveI
owehi m one.
”IgotintomyChev yanddr
oveof f.
[
11/23,
18:
33]Ly
nne:Pleaset
akenotet
hatther
e
wasnopar
ttwoofEpisode167,
I’
m sor
ryaboutthat
guy
s.

Epi
sode168
“Whatt ooky ousol ong?”Lakhi wemetmeatt he
doorandgr abbedt hefood.Ij uststoodt here,“and
youmessedy our self.
”Ilookeddownandi ndeedI
hadacof feest ainonmyt racksui t
.Iignoredhi m and
wentt ochange, byt hetimeIgotbackhehad
alr
eadydi shedupf orhissi sters.Mybabyboywas
sti
llsleeping, Imadesur eev er yonehadenoughf ood
andt henIsatdownt ogetsomewor kdone.I ’
ve
decidedt hatI ’
llbewor ki
ngf rom homef orthenext
yearandt oldKr i
snott obookmeany t
hinguntilI
wasr eady .I’
dcomet otermst hatIwi l
lnotbe
breastfeedingmybaby ,becausehej ustdoesn’t
wantmymi l
k.Itwassadi nthebegi nningbecause
I’
vehear dt hat’showmot hersbondwi ththeirbabies,
soIwasdepr i
vedoft hat.Itwasent irelymyf aultand
Icouldn’tblameany bodyf ori t
.Howev erhewas
attachedt omeandknewwhomommywas, sot hat
madeupf orev ery t
hing.
Iremember edthatMbal ihadt ri
edt ocallme, Itr
ied
tocallherbackbutshedi dn’
tpickup.Mbal i
andher
moodst hough, Iwasn’tinthemoodt oent ertainher,
“whatdoy ouguy swantt odof orNewYear sEv e? ”I
askedt heki dssoIcangetmymi ndof fmybest
fri
end.Thei rconcentrati
oni mmedi atelyshiftedfrom
theTVt ome; Ididn’
tthinktheywoul dbet hat
i
nterestedact uall
y.“Let’
sgoonacr uiseli
keGr andpa
andGr andmaal waysdo? ”Khany ispokef irst,“we
can’tgoonacr uisedummy ,whataboutt hebaby ?”

Me:
Don’
tspeakt
oyoursi
sterl
i
ket
hat
,saysor
ry.

Lakhiwe:I
twasasi
l
lyi
deaandsheonl
ythi
nksabout
hersel
f.
Me:I
tdoesn’
tgi
vey
ouar
ightt
ocal
lhernames,
now
apol
ogi
se.

Afterhi sapologywegotbackt ot heconver sati

on,I
regrettedaski ngbecauset heywer enowgoi ngback
andf orthamongstt hemselv es.“Okay…okay …okay !
”
theylookedatme, “
we’ l
lhaveapar ty,i
fyourf r
iends
aren’tdoi nganythi
ngt heny oucani nv
itethem along
witht heirparentshow’sthat ?”theyallnodded, “thi
s
housei st oosmal lt
hough. ”

Me:
Leav
ethatt
ome.

Khany
i:Cant
heysl
eepov
er?

Me:
Yest
heycan.
Idon’
tknowhowIwasgoi ngtopullof
fapart
yina
fewdays;I
’ddoitatmyhouse.Imadeali
stofall
the
thi
ngsthatIneededt
odoandt henImadesupper.

Khenanwasbackl atet oday ;heonlygoti naf t

erI
hadputAkoni down.Hel ookedt i
red,“hey.”He
kissedmyf orehead, “hey ,youlookbeat .”Henodded
andwenti ntothebat hr oom, “babyI ’
m hungr y!
”he
shout edbackatmebef or ecomi ngbacki nhi s
py j
amapant s,“you’r
enotshower i
ng?”hel ookedat
mel ikeIwascr azy,“Iwassi tti
ngdownal ldaylong,
whymustIbat h.”Irolledmyey esandl aughedat
him asImademywayt ot heki t
chen.Hef ollowed
mebar ef
oot,“
we’ r
ehav inganewy earsevepar ty
.”I
toldhim ashesatdownont hest ool
.
Hi
m:Okandwher
eist
hishappeni
ng?

Me:I
’mt
hinki
ngmyhousesi
ncet
henewhousei
sno
wher
ecl
osetobei
ngdone.

Hi
m:whynotmyhouse?I
t’
sact
ual
l
ybi
gger
.

Me:
Wel
l
,uhm.

Heputtherestoft
hebi
scui
thewaseat
inginhi
s
mouthandgav emeaquesti
oni
ngl
ook,
“babywhat
hav
ey oudonewithmyhouse?”

Me:
wil
lyouj
ustchi
l
l.
Him:You’
ret
heoneget
ti
ngwor
kedup,
whatdi
dyou
do?

Me:
Fir
stl
yit
’smyhouse.

Him:Oh…well
thennoneedt oexplai
n.I
’l
lwai
tfor
t
heinvi
tet
othepartyatyourhouse.I
nthemeanti
me
I
’l
lgotosl
eepinyourbedroom i
fthat
’sokaywi
th
you?

Me:
Real
l
ynowKhenan.

Hi
m:I
’
mti
red.

Me:
Andy
ourf
ood?

Hi
m:Yourf
oody
oumean.
Hegotupandwentt ot hebedr oom andIwar medup
hisfoodandputi tonat r
aywi t
hsomet hingt odri
nk.
Ifoundhimi nbedonhi sphone, Iputthet rayont he
bednextt ohim, “
babe.Ididn’ tmeani tliket hat
.”he
puthisphoneunderhi spil
lowandf acedt heother
side;Iputthefoodont hedr essercov eredupand
thengotintobed.“ Babe?”Okayhewasr eal l
y
i
gnor i
ngme, Ialsowentt osl eep.

.
.

Khenanwasget tingdressedwhenIwokeup,
“mor ni
ng.
”Igreeted,
“hi.
”Hesaidbackbef
oresi
tt
ing
ont hechai
rtotieuphisshoes,“
canImakeyou
breakfast
?”

Hi
m:No,
I’
ll
hav
esomet
hingatt
heof
fi
ce.

Me:
BabeI
…

Hi
m:Don’
twor
ry,
I’
m ov
eri
t.

Me:
Idi
dn’
tmeani
tthatway
.

Hi
m:I
tdoesn’
tmat
ter
.
Hel eftmesi t
tingt her e,Idon’tknowwhyhewas
act i
ngl iket his, andIgotoutofbedandf oll
owedhi m
out .Heki ssedt heki ds; theywer eal r
eadywat chi ng
TVandt hengr abbedhi skey sandwal kedt owar ds
thedoor .Hewal kedpassmeasi fIdidn’texist ,
“babe. ”If ollowedhi m outt hedoorashemadehi s
wayt owar dst heel ev ator.Hest oodandt urned
around, “I
’
m sor ryaboutl astnight.”Hedi dn’tspeak
buthej ustnodded, Iwal kedupt ohi m andputmy
armsar oundhi swai st,“pleasesaysomet hing. ”He
l
ookeddownatmeandourey esmet ,
“yourbr eath
stinks. ”Hel aughedandbentdownt okissme, “I’
l
l
sendChar li
etot akey oushoppi ng,”heki ssedt he
topofmyheadagai nandIwasconf used,“Ihav ea
meet i
ngi n20mi nutes.I twoul dbeni cei fyoul etgo
ofme. ”Idi dast oldashet ur
nedt owal kt ot he
elev ator .“Seehowi tf eelswheny ougetangr yov er
stupi dt hings? ”Hebl ewmeaki ssast hedoor s
closed, whatj usthappened?Iaskedmy selfbef ore
checki ngi fmybr eathr eall
ystank.Mxm whatanass!
Iwentt ot hebat hroom andshower edthendr essed
i
npai rofablackGucci l
eggi
ngs,hi
ghwaistwit
ha
plai
nwhi t
ecropt opandmat chi
ngGucci
slops.Iwas
actuall
yfeel
i
ngmy sel
f,t
iedmyhairi
nahighbunand
tookKhenan’straytothekit
chen.

“Hav eyouguyseat en? ”nobodywaspay ingattenti

on;
theywer ewatchi
ngTom andJer r
y .Theyst i
llhave
thisshowon?Il i
ftedt helidofft
hepl at
eandt he
platewasempt y,Khenani ssuchadr amaqueen
though.Therewer ecer ealbowlsint hesinkwhi ch
meanst heyhadeat en,Ibathedmybaby .Andt hen
thetwinsbeforethenmadet hem properf ood.“Guys
we’regoingshoppi ngf orthepart
yt oday.”

Lakhi
we:
dower
eal
l
yhav
etogo?

Me:
Idon’
trecal
laski
ng.
Luckyforhimt hei
ntercom wentoffandIgotupto
answer ,
itwasmyf atherandIlethi
m up.Ihadn’
t
seenhim sinceIwasi nhospi
talandwhenIcame
backIheardhewentawayon‘ business’
.Real
ly
business…Mxm.

“Khanyigetthedoorf ormebaby ,
”shest oodupand
thenscreamedwhensheopened, Idon’tknowwhy
thekidsloveZenonsomuch.I fIwasy oungI ’
dbeso
scaredofhim, Teealmostf ell
offthechai rt
ryingt o
seewhowasatt hedoor.“Justgo…”Iputherdown
andlaughedatherassher anscreamingbef oreshe
evensawwhoi twas.Zenonev entuall
yappear ed
holdingeachoft hegirl
soneachhand, Zeel ocked
upandsheal mostlookedl ef
tout.Mypoorbaby ,but
shejustkeptquiet.Hesatdown, “youlookgood, ”I
smiledandmov edZeecl osertowher etheywer eal l
si
tti
ng,“If
eelmuchbet t
er.
”Teewasplayi
ngwithhis
beard;i
twassuchacut esight
.Whowouldhave
known?Andj usttothi
nkthatt
hisi
sanint
ernati
onal
druglor
d,dangerous,“
heardyouwereaway?”

Hi
m:Hadt
otakecar
eofaf
ewt
hingsi
nMexi
co.

Me:
What
?Youwentt
oMexi
co?

Hel aughedandbr ushedi toff,“wewerejustabout

togoshoppi ng.
”Her olledhi seyes,“
youknowI ’
m
notaboutt hatlif
e,whydon’ tyougoandI ’l
lst
aywi t
h
thekids.”Ilookedatt hem, “youwantt ostaywith
grandpaZenon? ”heasked, TeenoddedandZeegot
uptot akeaspotonhi slap,“IguessI’
m going
shoppi ngalone,Lakhiwe? ”heshookhi shead,“I
’l
lgo
withy oumommy .
”Seemypr i
ncesswil
lalwayshave
myback, “
hur r
yupandchangesowecanmakei t
backintimef orWinx.
”Lakhi
welaughed,Iwasnot
expecti
ngt hat,
“Whatiswrongwit
hwhatI ’
m
wearing?”Iaskedl
ookingatmyself
,“AuntKim
doesn’tdressli
kethat
.”

Me:
So?

Khany
i:Aunt
yPam doesn’
tei
ther
.

Me:WhoisAunt
yPam,
andwhyam Ibei
ng
compar
edtoher
?

Khany
i:MOM!

Okay
,Idon’
tknowwhatwasgoingonatthi
s
moment.Iwasreal
l
yconf
used,
“Khanyi
doy ouwant
t
ocomewi
thmeornot
?”

Khany
i:Noti
fyou’
redr
essedl
i
ket
hat
.

Me:
You’
rebei
ngv
eryr
ude.

Iwasupsetanddi dn’tgetwhyshewasbei nglike

that,IpickedupAkoni andchangedhi m.Iputhi mi n
hisstrollerandthenwal kedoutaf tersendi ng
Khenanat extt
hatI’l
ldri
vemy sel
f.Lakhiwer anaf t
er
mewhenIwasi nthepar kingl ot,
“andt hen? ”I
wasn’ ti
nt hemoodf ormor ei nsults.“I
’m comi ng
with.Ithinky oucoulduset hehelp. ”Ismiledf aintl
y
andgoti ntothecar,Idon’tunder standwhyKhenan
hadt wocar shere,andnowmyChr i
stmaspr esent.I
hadcar satmyhouseandI ’m suret hereisacaror
twoathi soldhouse.Imadeament alnoteofdoi ng
somet hingaboutt hat.
Khenanwasn’ tsuchabi gspender,buthelovedhis
carsbutt hi
swasabi ttoomuch.Ineededt odo
somet hingabouti
t.LakhiweandIdr ovemainlyin
sil
enceunt i
lhebrokethesilence,
“Ithi
nkyoul ook
nice.”Il
ookedathim, “
thanksbaby .
”heclear
edhi s
throat,“
thanksbuddy.”

Hi
m: Muchbett
er,
don’
tmindKhany
i.Al
lherfr
iends’
mother
sareri
chbimbosandt
heydressl
ikeBarbie.

Me:
Whatdi
dwesayaboutt
hewor
dbi
mbo?

Hi
m:Mom youst
il
lremembersomet
hingf
rom so
l
ongago?

Me:
Haha,
Idon’
tfor
get
!

Hi
m:Ri
chhousewi
vest
hatdr
essl
i
keBar
bie.
Me:
Kim doesn’
tdr
essl
i
ket
hat
.

Him:Well
AuntKim har
dlydr
opsTammyather
school
anyways.

Me:
Sowhat
,school
isaf
ashi
onshownow?

Hi
m:andsoi
sthemal
l
.

Me:Ihavefi
vechi
l
dren;
doIl
ookl
i
keIhav
eti
met
o
pl
aydressup?

Hejustshr
ugged,
“Iwasjustt
ell
i
ngy
ouwhyKhany
i
r
eactedthewayshedid.
”

Wegott
othepar
typlannerandt
henwediscusseda
f
ewthi
ngswit
hhim,hispart
nerwasgoi
ngtotake
careoft hekidsandhav i
ngLakhiwewasgr eat.After
thatwewentt ot heliquorstoreandIor deredal lthe
alcohol we’
dneedandt hent othemal l.Ididn’ tneed
anythingreall
ybutIwasn’ treadytogobackandI
enjoyedmyt i
mewi t
hLakhiwe.Wedi dabi tof
shoppi ngandt hensatatt her est
aur anttoor der
foodbef oreLondyshowedup.Shegr eetedandt hey
ranof fsomewher e,Isatwithmysl eepi ngpr inceand
Iorderedsomet hingtodr i
nkwhi l
er eadinga
magazi ne.Mycel lbeepedandi twasamessage
from theicerink, t
heywer eiceskatingsot hatwoul d
takeawhi le.Thewai tr
esscamewi thmyi cet eaand
l
ef t
,“IthoughtIr ecognisedy ou.
”Ilookedupand
tookof fmyshades.

Whyi sthiswomanal waysdr essedsowel l

,shewas
i
naf laredhighwaistpantswi t
hawhi tecroptop.He
hadahugesunhatonandst oodt her
elooki
ng
gorgeous.It
’sal
mostl i
keshewal kedofaphoto
shoot,andtheoutsiderestaurantwewer eat
provi
dedt heperf
ectbackdr op.
Her
:Not
handohi
.

Me:
Fif
i,howar
eyou?

Her
:I’
m goodandy
ou?Ar
eyouher
ewi
thany
one?

Me:
no,
pleasesi
t.

Shesatdown, “
youknowIwasmeani ngtocal
lyou.
”
Shelaughedasshet ookoffherhat,“Iknow,
yougot
busy.
”Ismiled,
“tellmeaboutit
,thekidskeepme
busy.
”Shelookedi nt
othestrol
l
er,“andhemust
keepyouupatni ght.
”

Me:
Notev
en,
he’
ssuchadar
li
ng.
Her
:He’
sgor
geous,
hel
ooksl
i
kehi
sfat
her
.

Me:
Ever
yonesay
sthat
.

Her
:He’
sgoi
ngt
ogr
owupt
obequi
tet
hechar
mer
.

Idon’tknowwhatshemeantbyt hatexactl
y,Ithi
nk
thi
sist hesecondtimet hi
sladyi
stakingajabatme.
Ifakedasmi le,
andt r
iedtoseeifIcangetanythi
ng
onlittl
emissbitchyhere,“
sowhatisitthatyoudo?”
shet ookasipfrom herchampagneandl aughed,“
oh
darli
ng,abitofeveryt
hing.
”

Me:
Like?

Her
:Thi
sandt
hat
,onl
i
nebout
ique,
bagsandshoes.
Youknowt
hatt
ypeoft
hing.

Me:
Itmustbepay
ingwel
l
.

Herexpressi
onchanged, andsheclearedhert
hroat
.
Iwantedtolaugh,Igother.Yesshewaspr et
tybut
shehadnor ightt
ot akej
amsatme, nowIknewher
spot
.

Me:
Husband?

Her
:Ex,
that
’swhyI
’
minCapeTownact
ual
l
y.

Me:
Tof
indanewone.

Her
:Haha,
notatal
l
.I’
m st
art
ingov
ert
hissi
de,
and
whoknowsmay
beIwi
l
lfi
ndl
ove.

Shesi ppedherchampagneandwespokeabi t,
may beIwasal i
tt
lebitmeant oher .Ifeltsorr
yf or
herwhenshet ol
dmeherst orywi thherexhusband,
nowomanshoul dev erhav etogot hrought hatsoI
decidedt obehavemy self.Ireallygottoknowher ;
shewasst ayi
ngatoneofKhenan’ shot els.Wehada
nicetalkandlunchunt i
ltheki dscameback, “and
youmustbeLakhi we.”Shesmi l
edput ti
ngouther
handt oshakehis,“t
hisisLondy .
”Het urnedtome
withoutgreeti
ngher,“Lakhiwet hat’
srude. ”Her ol
l
ed
hiseyesandshookherhand, “hell
oaunt y.”

Her
:Nonsense,
cal
lmeFi
fi
.

Me:
Thi
sisaf
ri
endofmi
ne.
Lakhi
we:
I’
venev
erseenherbef
ore.

Me:
I’
venev
erseenal
lyourf
ri
ends.

Lakhi
we:That’
sbecauseLondyi
smyonl
yfr
iend,
AuntMbalii
syouronlyf
ri
endto.

Thesechil
drenweredoinganumberonmet oday
,
“whydon’tyouguyssi
tdownandorderfoodsowe
cangohome. ”Ihadtoshuthi
m up,
“Londywhere
areyourpar
ents?”

Londy
:Mymom i
satt
hesal
on.

Me:
DidLakhi
tel
lyouaboutt
hepar
ty?
Londy
:YesMr
sDeCost
a,Ist
il
lhav
etoaskmymom.

Me:
Don’
twor
ryaboutherI
’
llt
alkt
oher
.

Fi
fi
:Whatpar
ty?

Lakhi
we:
It’
sonl
ybyi
nvi
te.

Luckil
yherphonerang,
“Ihavet
ot aket
his.I
twas
greatseei
ngyou.
”Shetriedt
oleavemoneybutI
decli
nedit
.Shewalkedawayont hephone.
*
***
*Fi
fi

“CanIjustbreat
hewithoutyoucal
li
ngmef orone
day?”Isnappedather,shewasstart
ingt
ogetonmy
l
astnerve.“Howisitgoing?
”

Me:
It’
sfi
ne.

Her
:I’
m goi
ngtoneedmoret
hant
hat
;thi
sismy
f
amilywe’
retal
ki
ngabout
.
Il
etoutasi gh,“hersonisadorable,butLakhiwei sa
l
itt
lebrat.
”Shel aughed,“
That’sLakhiwef oryou,he
probablyseesr i
ghtthr
oughy ou.Myadv iceistost ay
awayf r
om him. ”Il
aughed,“Andhedi dn’tmanaget o
seethroughy ou?”Iaskedher,“I
’mfami l
yandy ou’
re
astranger.HeknowsIwoul dn’
tdoany thingtohur t
him…nowt el
l mewhaty ourplanis?”

Me:
I’
m wor
kingoni
t,gi
vemet
ime.

Her
:Idon’
thavet
ime,Khenanwon’
ttal
ktomeand
I
’mrunni
nglowonfunds.

Me:
What
?Andhowwi
l
lyoupaymewi
thnomoney
?

Her:I
fyoudoyourjobcorr
ect
lyt
her
ewi l
lbepl
ent
y
morewherethatcamefrom.NowI’
l
l bef
lyi
ngt
oSA
tomorr
owandIwantt ocount
downintot
heNew
Yearwit
hmyson! !
Withthatshecutthecal
l.Thi
swomandoesn’tknow
me; I
’
llgetri
dofbothherandThando.Igoti
ntomy
caranddr ov
eoff.

SeeingKhenanagai nr eallysparkedsomet hi
ngi nme
andIwasst art
ingt ofallinlovewi thhim beforeIleft
thecount r
y.May bei fIst ayedhewasgoi ngt oleave
Khensani forme, andIwoul dbewal ki
ngi nThando’ s
shoes.Shewassweet ,butIneedt ogetthisdone.
Myphoner ang, ‘WHAT! !”andt henIf r
oze,“I…I’
m
sorr
yNkany ezi.”Itrembl edandst utt
ered,“wherear e
mydi amondsFi f
i?”Itriedt onotsoundsoaf raidbut
Ithi
nkmyv oicefailedme, “I’
m wor ki
ngoni tNka- ”he
cutmeof f
, “Fif
idon’ tmakemedosomet hingIwi l
l
regr
et .I
fIdon’ tgetmymoney ,youwi llbesorry.
“Don’tmakemer unaf teryou.”Hecutt hecalland
l
eftmeshaki ng.
*
***Thando

“
Lakhi
we,t
hatwasr
ude.
”Her
oll
edhi
sey
es,
“Idon’
t
l
i
keher.
”

Me:
Idon’
tcar
e;y
oust
il
lhav
etoshowr
espect
.

Lakhi
:She’
sthetypeofbim-Ohnotbi
mbo,
housewi
vesthatKhanyi
wantsyoutodressl
i
ke.
Me:Idon’
thavet
heener
gyf
oryou.Canyouguys
j
usteatupsowecangohome,
I’l
ll
etyourf
ather
deal
withyou.

Hegavemeasmi r
k,“
wher
e’smycar
d?”hel
aughed
andhandedi
ttome.

.
Thepar typl
anningwasgoi ngwel landwe’ dmov e
i
ntomyhouseupunt ilourhousewasdone.Fi fihas
beenhel pi
ngmewi t
hsomeoft heplanningand
meet i
ngswi t
htheplanner .She’sbeenabi tjumpy
andal wayslookingoverhershoul derbutdeni esit
whenIquest ionherabouti t.She’squit
ef unandI
real
lythinkshewoul dhititoffwithMbal iandt he
restofthegang.Speaki ngofwhi chMbal i hadn’t
spokent omesi ncethef i
rsttimeImetFi fi,she
hasn’tevenbotheredtor svpf ort
hepar t
y.Il etherbe
andst oppedcommuni cat i
ngwi thher.

.
.

“Al
lyouhav etodoispickupourdressesbabe;I
don’
tknowwhyy ou’r
emakingabigdeal outofi
t.”I
wast al
kingtoKhenanandIcouldsensehim pacing
upanddown.“ ThandoIhavesomanyt hi
ngstodeal
wit
h.”Iroll
edmyey es,“
li
kewhat?”hechuckled,
“did
youjustroll
youreyesatme?”

Me:BabyIwon’tgett
imetodoi t
,andify
oudon’
t
gett
hosedressesyourdaught
erswil
lbever
ymad.

Hi
m:Oh,
ther
ear
emi
nenow?

Me:
Nott
hatagai
n.
Hi
m:Youst
art
ed.

Me:Nevermi
ndKhenan,
youshoul
dhav
ejustsai
d
youdon’
twantt
o.

Hi
m:ButIdi
d.

Me:
What
ever
,I’
l
laskFi
fi
.

Hi
m:Ba-

*
***
*Khenan
Thandocutt hecall onme; Il
etoutasi
ghandl
ooked
atthepict
uresI cejustgaveme, “howi
sthi
sev
en
possibl
e?”hej ustshrugged,“Thandoi
sgoi
ngtoki
ll
youthatisallIknow. ”

Me:
Idi
dn’
tdoany
thi
ngwr
ong.

Ice:That’
showy
ouseeit,
shewon’tandtheworse
partisthi
swomanhasbeenhangi
ngaroundyour
chil
dren.

Me:
I’
m goi
ngt
odeal
wit
hhert
oni
ght
.

Ice:AndwhataboutNkany
ezi
,he’
skeepi
ngav
ery
closeeyeonher.
Me:I
’
lldeal
wit
hhim;he’
sholdingagrudgef
or
al
mostadecade.Hedoesn’
tscareme.

I
ce:
Thenwhyar
eyoupaci
ngupanddown?

Me:
BecauseThandoi
sgoi
ngt
oki
l
lme.

I
cejustlaughed,“DidInotj
ustsaythat?Andi fyou’
re
notatthatpartytoni
ghtThandowil
l ki
l
l youtwice.
HaHa.”Ithrewt hepict
uresonthetable.“WhywasI
noti
nformedt hathewasoutofpr i
son? ”

I
ce:
Whatdi
ff
erencewasi
tgoi
ngt
omake?

Me:
Iwoul
dhav
ebeenpr
epar
ed.
I
ce:
Prepar
edt
odi
e?

Me:
Real
l
yguy
,it
’snotl
i
keIpul
l
edt
het
ri
gger
.

I
ce:
Yousol
dhi
sfucki
ngbr
otherout
.

Me:
Itneededt
obedone.

I
ce:
Andy
out
hinkhewi
l
ltakemoneyandl
eti
tsl
i
de?

Me:It
’snotl
i
ket heyhadn’
tsetmeup,
Ijust
out
smartedthem.

I
ce:
Okay
,sowhat
’st
hepl
an?

Me:
Weset
tl
ethi
sonceandf
oral
ll
ikemen.
I
ce:
Idon’
tthi
nkIl
i
ket
hesoundoft
his.

Me:
Idon’
thav
eanopt
ion.

I
ce:
AndFi
ki
le?

Me:
Nkany
ezi
isj
ustusi
ngher
.

I
ce:
Likey
ouusedheral
lthosey
ear
sago?

Me:
Justl
etmet
hink.

.
.

Iceleftmeal onei ntheoffi

ce;Ihadt ocomeupwi t
h
apl anfast.Idi
alledFiki
le,“
heyy ou. ”Icl
earedmy
throat,“Ineedtoseey ou.”Shegi ggled,“Iknewy ou’d
comear ound,youknowmyr oom number .”Shecut
thecal l
andIscr atchedmyheadr oughlybefore
gettingupandput ti
ngonmysui tjacketandwal ked
outandheadedt ot hehotel.Ididn’thaveapl an;
Nkany ezi wasusingFiki
letogett ome.Whatpi ssed
meof fmor ewast hatFiki
lehadgot tenclosetomy
fami l
yandshecoul ddoany thing.
Igott othehot el r
oom andFi ki
lewasi nal ongsee
throughr obeandj ustherl ingerie.Shewal ked
aroundt ohermi ni barshaki ngherass, “canIget
youadr i
nk? ”sheaskedassheputabl ockofi ceina
glass,“whi skey .”Shesmi ledandpour edbot hofus
drinksandt henwal kedbackov ert ome.It ookmy
j
acketof fandr oll
edupmysl eev esbef or esitt
ing
down, Itookt hedr inkandempt i
edi tinmymout h
andgav ehert heempt ygl ass.“Il i
key ourmoodMr
DeCost a,”shewal kedov erandcamebackwi ththe
whol ebot tleandpour edmeanot herdr i
nkbef or e
shesatont het ableacr ossf r
om mewi thherl egs
open.Igul pedt hedr inkdown, “Nkany ezi isback? ”
sher oll
edherey es.“ I’m nother et ospeakaboutmy
husband’ spar ole.
”Shegotupandwal kedaway ,
I
gulpeddownanot herdr inkbef or est andingup
quickly.Igr abbedherbef oreshecoul dr eacht he
doorandpi nnedheragai nstt hewal l,wewer ef ace
tof aceandherhear trat est art
edt oaccel erate,
“Khenan? ”shespokeandherl ipst ouchedmi neabi t
,
Ibitmyl owerl ipandf orsomer easont hatmadeher
mov eherhi pscl osert omeandmymanhood
responded.Thi swasj ustl ikeol dt i
mes, “Khenan
whatdoyouwant?’
shewhisper
edseduct
ivel
yas
sheki
ssedmyjawlinewhi
chdrovemecrazyand
sheknewexact
lywhati
tdi
dt ome.

Withinonemov ementIpi ckedherupandshe

wrappedherl egsar oundmywai stasIki ssedher
hungril
yandsher espondedbygr indingonmyshaf t
.
Imov edf r
om thewal landIplacedheront hecouch
andknel toverher,“wher eishe? ”IaskedasI
grabbedherbar et highandt hrustagai nstherpeach,
“Idon’tknow.”Shewhi speredback, “Fikil
edon’ tf
uck
withmy .”Sheopenedherey es,“youknowIdon’ t
havetimet oplay.”Isai dthatsqueezi nghar donher
thi
gh,“Khenany ou’ r
ehur ti
ngme. ”Ismi l
eddownat
herandeaseduponmygr i
pandmov edmyhand
andrubbedhercl itov erherlingerie.Shewassowet ;
i
fitwasbacki nthedayI ’
dbebur ieddeepi nherby
now.Shel etoutamoan, Ikissedherneckal lthe
wayt oherear ,
“wher eisyourhusbandFi ks?”her
bodysqui rmedundermeasshebr oughtherassup
tomeetmyf ingers,“Idon’tknow. ”Imov edherpanty
tothesideandpl ay edwi thherswol l
encl i
tandshe
screamedout ,“ Khenan, Iwanty ou!”shehel dmy
handi npl aceasshewasaboutt or eachanor gasm
butImov edi taway .Shest oppedmov i
ngandshe
wasbr eat hingheav y,“Khenanwhati sthi s?”she
l
ookeddi sappoi nted, “wher ei she?”Isai dt hist i
me
i
nser tingt wof inger sinher ,“ohmyf uckKhenan. ”I
stopped, “okay , he’sst ayingatt heCapeRoy ale,
room 1511. ”Ist artedmov ingmyf inger sagai n,
“what ’sthepl an? ”Iasked, “ t
onight…he. ..aaaah, he
will
…”Ist oppedagai n,“hewant stoki ll
y ou, att he
party.”Fuck! !He’ scomi ngt omyhouse, “ Khenan, I
needt orel ease. ”Iwasnowangr y,
“andmywi fe?”
shel ookedatmescar edandcl earedhert hroat .
“Well? ”shewasaboutt ot alkandt henherphone
rang, shel ookedati tandIgr abbedi tbef oreshe
couldgetup.Il ookedatt hescr eenandi twasa
blockednumber ,“taket hecal landsetupameet ing
withhi m. ”shest artedshaki ngherhead, “FikiledoI
l
ookl i
keI ’m pl ay i
ngwi thy ou? ”thephonest opped
ri
ngingandshest artingcr yingbuti tr angagai n,
“he’sgoi ngt ogetsuspi cious…I ’
m goi ngt oanswer
andy ouwi llactl i
kenot hingi swr ongokay ?I ’
l
l
protecty ou. ”Shenoddedandt henIanswer edt he
cal
lonloudspeaker
,“Fi
nal
l
y…whatt
ooky
ouso
l
ong?”

*
***
*Fi
ki
le

Khenanshotmeadeadl ylookwhenhehear dthe

voiceovert
hephone,“Kal
isa?
”heanswer edher.She
didn’
tsayanyt
hingandthenthecall
cut.Khenan
stoodupandstartedpaci
ngtheroom wit
ht he
phonestil
li
nhishand.Iwassoscaredtoev en
speak; Ijustsatt hereont hecouchcr yi
ngmyey es
out.Hef i
nal lystoppedwal kingar oundandt hen
stoodi nf rontofme, “
Fi kil
ewhatbusi nessdoy ou
havewi thmymot her?”It ri
edt ospeakbutt her
ewas
ahugel umpi n,ythroat, “Khen- ”Hest oppedme
beforeIcoul dev engof urther,“Don’tfuckingKhenan
me! ”het hr ewmyphoneacr osst heroom andIgota
fri
ght, Iwasshaki ng.“FikileIwi ll
notaskt wice,
”Isti
ll
didn’ttal k.Hewal kedov ertot hewi ndowand
openedi t,“Idon’ tthi
nky oucanf ly.
”Iletoutaloud
wail,“KhenanI ’
m sor r
y …”Isai dst andingandmov i
ng
towar dst hef arendoft her oom, hegr abbedmyhai r
andl ucki lyi twasawi g.Het hrewi tacrosstheroom
andt henchar gedatme.

Thelastt
imeIsawKhenant hi
sangrywast heni
ght
Nkanyezi
wasarrest
ed.Nkanyezif
oundoutabout
meandKhenan’srel
ati
onshipandthreat
enedmet o
spyonKhenan.Khenanfoundoutthatwesethim up
af ewhoursbeforethedealwentdownandhecame
afterme.Hedidanumberonmebef orehewentt o
takedownmyhusbandandhi stwinbrot
her.AndI
canseet hesamef i
reinhiseyestodayandt hat
’s
whyIhadt otel
l hi
mt hetr
uth.“Kal
isaaskedmet o…
uhm, hel
p.”

Khenan:
Hel
pherwi
thwhat
?

Me:Shesaidshewantedhersonback,
you’
real
lshe
hasKhenanpleaset
rytounder
standwher
eshe’
s
comingfr
om.

Khenan:
Fiki
l
etal
k.

Me:
Shehi
redmet
otakeThandooutoft
hepi
ctur
e.

Khenan:
Outhow?
Ididn’
tsayanythi
ngandhetookast epcl
osertome,
“Khenan…”hedidn’
tstopwal
king,
“ shewantedmeto
kil
lher.
”hestoppedinhi
str
acks,“shewantedyout
o
kil
lmywi f
e?Why ?”

Me:Shewasr unninglowonf undsandsaidi

twasall
Thando’
sfaultthatyouabandonedher.Shesai
difI
ki
ll
edThando, y
ou’dmar r
ymeandt henshe’
dhave
herfami
lyback.

Khenan:andwhenwasal
loft
hissupposedt
o
happen?

Me:
Toni
ght
.

Khenan:
YoumeanKal
i
sai
sher
einSout
hAf
ri
ca?
Icoul
dn’
tspeakany
mor
eandIj
ustnodded.

*
***
*Khenan

Whywasal l
oft hishappeningnowal latonce, my
ownf ucki
ngmot her!
!Iswallowedhardandgr abbed
Fi
kilebythearm anddr aggedhert owar dsthe
window, “
Khenan, Ij
usttoldy ouevery
thing.Iwasn’t
goingtodoi t
.”Iopenedt hewi ndowwi derandmade
herlookeddownatt hebusyst reet
,“y
out hreatenmy
fami l
y? ”sheshookherhead, “I
’m sor ry,
shewas
beggi ngmer eallyhar d.”Iwant edt othrowherov er
…
Icewasr ightallalong, shewasbi gtroublebutI
didn’tlist
en.Ipul ledherbacki n; IknewIcoul dn’tki
ll
her.Wel lnotthatway ,Ihadt of i
gureouthowI ’
ddo
i
t .“Getdr essed,”IsaidasIpushedhert othefloor
har d,“wher earewegoi ng?”shewasst i
ll
quest ioningme, t
hi sgirlhasthener ves.Ididn’
t
answerbutpour edadr inkinstead.Sher eali
sedI
wasn’ tjokingandshegotup, It ookmydr i
nkback
andwentt olookf orher ,shewasget ti
ngdr essedin
j
ogger sandav est .Ij
ustl ookedatherdi sgusted,I
wasangr yatmy sel ff
orhowIhadt ogett he
i
nf ormat i
onoutofherbutIwasl eftwithnochoi ce.
NowIhav etosav emyf ami l
y,Kal i
saneedst ogo
onceandf orall
.
[
11/23,18:
33]Ly nne:Hiall
…Ican’ tnumberthe
‘
epi
sodes’atthispointbecauseIcannotpr edi
ct
whi
chwi l
lbethef i
nale,butIwil
linformyouguy sat
t
heendwheni t
’sthelast.Solet
’sjustsaytheseare
t
heepisodesleadingtot heendasexpl ai
nedprior
.
Someonesai dt heyar
ehopi ngf orasecondseason, I
can’tpromi set hatbecauseIal readyhaveani deaf or
athirdst or
ysoIneedt oendt hisstory.I
’
m act uall
y
sadbecauseThandopossessessomanyqual iti
es
thatIhav eper sonall
y…butwi tht henextreadI’llbe
taki
ngast epoutofmycomf ortzoneandt ry
ing
somet hingnew.Butt hatisforanot herday…fornow
l
et’sfini
sht hisup.Happyr eading!!

.
“Di
dThandoi nvit
ey outot hepar t
y ?”Iaskedl ooking
attherear
v i
ewmi rr
or;Iwasf uriousandt ryi
ngt o
thi
nkofapl antodestroyal lt
hreeoft hem.Fikile
nodded,“you’
regoing.”Herey espoppedout ,“what,
youthinkI
’lll
eaveyoual oneaftert hest untyoujust
pull
ed.”It
houghttomy selfanddi aledJames,
“Khenan,f
inall
y!
!ShitI’
vebeent r y
ingt ogetahol dof
you.”

Me:Notnow,Ineedy
outotakecar
eofsomet
hing.
Meetmeatthemansion.

James:
Khenanwhathav
eyoudone?

Me:
Thi
sisn’
tthet
imef
orquest
ionsj
ustdoi
t.

James:Ok,bef
orey
oucutt
hecal
l
,Kal
i
sai
s
misbehav
ing.
Me:
Iknow…30mi
nut
es.

Icutt hecal landdr oveof ftothemansi on,i

twas
actuallyKeenan’ spl aceandt hat’swher ehekeptal l
theslav egi rl
shehadr escuedf rom Ramzi whil
e
runningar oundaf tert hatXhosagi rl
.Thehousewas
empt ynowsi nceAdebay osethim up, soFikil
ewas
goingt ost ayt heref ort henextf ewhour swhil
eI
dealtwi t
hherman.Jamespul ledupj ustasIgotout
thecar ;Iopenedt hebackseatandpul ledFiki
leout.
Jamesl ookedatmeconf used, “
Khenanwhati s
goingon? ”Idi dn’
tanswerhi m asIpul ledFikil
e
roughl ytowar dst heent ranceoft hehouse, Iplaced
myf ingeront hebi omet r
icreaderandt hedooropen
andt henIpunchedi nt hecodewhenwewer eall
i
nside.Myphoner angi nstantl
y,“i
t’
sme, don’t
wor r
y .
”Ihear dKeenansi gh, “
Iknowi t’syou,I’
mj ust
wor r
iedwhyy ou’ret her e.”Il
etgoofFi kil
eandshe
j
ustst oodt herenotknowi ngwhatt odo, “Ihavea
sit
uat i
onandIneeddoubl esecurit
yatt heparty.
”
Keenan:
You’
renotsay
ingany
thi
ngr
ightnow.

Me:INEEDDOUBLESECURI
TYATTHEPARTY…I
S
I
TYOURSPEAKERORYOURSUPERFASTBRAIN
TOOKLEAVETODAY?

Icutthecal landhet r
iedt ocallagai
nbutIputmy
phoneonsi l
enceandwal kedtot hel
ounge,James
andFikil
ef oll
owedme.“ Sit,
”Icommandedandshe
didastoldwi thnoquest ionsasked.“Khenan…I ’
m
solostrightnow. ”Iwal kedt othebarareaand
pouredadr ink,“DoIhav eacoupl emill
ions?”James
l
ookedatmeconf used, “yourmoneyiswi t
hThando
remember .Wet ransf erredallyourassetstoher
beforetheCubai ncident.”

Me:
Whydi
dyougi
veherev
ery
thi
ng?

James:
Becausey
oudi
dn’
tthi
nky
ou’
dbeback…
Hewasr ight,
IwenttoCubawi t
hnohopeofcomi ng
backandThandosav edme.Mybeaut i
fulwife
caughtupinal l
thi
srubbish,andjustaswet hought
i
twasal lovernowmypasti sbackt ohauntme.“ He
doesn’
twantmoney .
”JamesandIbot hturnedand
l
ookedatFi ki
le,“
youkill
edhisbrother
;yout hinka
fewmill
ionRandswi l
l beenough?Twi nbrothermi nd
you.
”Jamest ur
nedbackt ome, “
wher eisshe
comingfrom? ”

Me:Shej
ustr
ockedup;
Ithoughti
twasacoi
nci
dent
butt
hen…Kal
isa.

James:
Kal
i
sawhat
?

Me:
She’
swor
kingwi
thKal
i
sa.
James:
Idon’
tunder
stand.

Me:Makestwoofus,
Kalisai
sbr
okeandwant
s
Thandooutoft
hepi
ctur
eandhir
edthi
sdumbbit
ch
tohel
pher.

Itookasi pofmydr i
nkandIgotawhi f
fofFi kil
e’s
vagi naljuicesonmyf i
nger
s.Iwant edt ot hrowup,
“youwi llpayf orthis.
”IsaidasIputt hegl assdown
andwal kedt otheki t
chent owashmyhands.I
scrubbedt hem abi ttoohard; Iturnedar oundand
foundKeenanl eaningagainstt hedoorf ramewi th
hisar mscr ossed.“ Fiki
le?Ithoughtt hatt hatshi p
sailedl ongago. ”Irol
ledmyey esasIgr abbedt he
dishcl ot hetowi pemyhands, “youwer est i
llinhigh
school soIdon’ tknowwhatt hef ucky out hinky ou
know. ”Hel aughedatmeandopenedt hef r
idge
takingoutabeer ,“
whatdoesshewant ? ”heasked
sitt
ingont hebarst ool.“Mywi fedead, ”hel aughed,
“reallynow.Shei sbr okeandwant smoney .”I
l
ookedathi mf orawhi l
e,“
wai tarey ouser i
ous? ”he
asked,andIcli
ckedmyt ongue;
“mustIcal
la
meetingandleteveryoneknow?I ’
m si
ckandtir
edof
expl
ainingt
hesamet hi
ngov erandovert
o
every
one.”Hestil
lseemedunsur eifIwastel
l
ingthe
tr
uthornot,“Nkanyezi?
”heasked.

Me:
Outt
oki
l
lme.

Hi
m: what
’st
hepoi
nt?Hewon’
tgetany
thi
ngf
rom
t
hat.

Me:Well
speaki
ngofwhi
ch,Fi
ki
ledi
dsayhei
sn’
t
af
tert
hemoneybutmaybeThandot
oo…

Hi
m:When?

Me:
Toni
ght
.
Hi
m:Thepar
ty?

Me:Yeah,
butIsentZenont
her
etocancel
,but
knowi
ngThando.

Ishruggedandhel aughedabitbeforesli
dinghi
s
beeracrosstome, “Youneedtot el
lher
.”Hesaid,I
tookahugegul pofthebeer,“
andsaywhatexact ly
?”
hegotmor ebeerandJamesjoinedus,“Iputheri
n
theroom, cuff
ed.”Heopenedabeerandsatdown,
“asIwassay ingyouneedtotellThando.”

James:
AboutKal
i
sa?

Keenan:
Kal
i
sa?

James:
Ok,
I’
mlostnow.
Isatthereandt oldtheguyseveryt
hingandwewer e
i
nterr
uptedbyKeenan’ sphone,“
Ice.
”Heputi ton
speaker,“can’tgetaholdofKhenan.”Itookmy
phonef r
om mypocketandhad12mi ssedcall
s,
“he’
shere, you’r
eonspeaker.”

I
ce:
He’
sgone.

Keenan:
whoi
sgone?

Ice:
Nkanyezi
.Imanagedtotrackhi
m about2hour
s
agoandthenhejustdi
sappeared.

Me:
Fuck!
!AndThando?

Ice:
shejustgothomenow, t
heki
dsar
eal
li
nsi
de
andtheyhaven’
tlef
t.Theyar
esaf
e.
Keenan:
AndKal
i
sa?

I
ce:
Whatabouther
?

Me:
She’
sinSA.

I
ce:
Doi
ngwhat
?

FuckIhav etoexplainthi
sagaintohi mt oonow,“will
tel
lyoulater.I
’m ki
ll
i
ngt hi
ssonofabi tchtoni
ght.I
thoughtIwasgoi ngtobeci vi
lbutIguessIhav eto
bri
ngbackt heoldK. ”Isai
dandI cedidn’tsay
anythi
ng,heknowshowIusedt ogetbackwhenI
wasi nthestreet
sandbef oreIevenst art
edanyof
mybusi nesses.Iwashungr yandtryi
ngt ofeedmy
family,
Ihadnof earbutThandohasmademesof t
eventhoughIam t hereasonshei sthi
st ough,“
don’t
tel
lmywif
eany
thi
ng.Wet
ri
plesecur
it
yandt
hepar
ty
goeson.
”

I
ce:
Arey
ouf
ucki
ngser
ious?

Me:
Arey
ouf
ucki
ngscar
ed?
I
ce:
Mywi
fei
spr
egnant
.

Me:Nkany ezidoesn’
twantyourwif
e,he’
srevenging
Nkazi
mul o’sdeathandtheonlywaytodothatis
t
akesomet hi
ngpreciousawayfr
om me.That’smy
f
ami l
y,soy ouguysaresafe.

Keenan:
Ihopehet
akesoutKal
i
sa.

Ok,mybabybr
otheri
saf ucki
ngarse;weendup
l
aughi
ngbefor
ecutti
ngthecall
.“Jamesy oubri
ng
Fi
ki
lewit
hyou,Iwantherinmysightatallt
imes,I
’
m
sur
eKali
sawil
lmakeanappear ance.Nobody
touchesher,Iwantherf
ormysel
fandNkany
ezi
…
everyonegoesfortheki
ll
.”

It
aket
hel
astsi
pofmybeer
,“l
et’
sgo.
”

Keenan:
andt
heki
ds?

Me:Theywil
lbefi
ne,t
heywil
lbeout
sideandIt
hink
Thandogotl
ike10nanni
es.

Theguyslaughedatmeandwegotgoi ng,“Ihaveto
pi
ckupThando’ sdresses.
”Keenanl aughed,“She’
s
al
readydonethat.
”Ilookedathi mfunnywhi l
eIhad
myhandont hedoorhandl e.“Iwasfoll
owingher
whenIsawy ouwereher e,justl
ooki
ngout .
”
Jamesstayedbehi
ndwi t
hFiki
l
e;atl
easthedoesn’
t
haveawifesoitwasok.Theywouldmeetupus
backatt
hehouseinaf ewhours.
[
11/
23,
18:
34]Ly
nne:
***
*Thando

Iwassopi ssedof fatKhenanandIt ooki touton

ever yonei nsi ght,“Ifyouguy sdon’tst opr unningI ’
ll
cancel thewhol epar tyandy oucanl istent othe
fi
rewor ksinbed. ”Ishout edatt het winswhower e
runni ngar oundandscr eami ngatt het opoft heir
l
ungs.Lakhi wewaschasi ngaf t
erthem andst opped
whenhehear dmyshout i
ng.“ Eveny ou? ”Igav ehi m
thel ookandhewant edt olaughandIdon’ t
under standwhy ,“mom i t’
sj ustapar ty, youcan
chill
.”Il ovedi twhenhecal l
smemom andheknows
i
t,Itr i
edsohar dnott osmi l
ebackathi m, “takey our
sibli
ngsi ntotheci nemaandeatal lthesnacksy ou
want .I fIhearany onecr yingI ’
ll
bany ouf rom the
kitchenandt akeawayy ourcel l
oforl ife.”Hel aughed
ashegat heredhi ssi stersandwentdownt ot he
cinema.Iwasi nter r
uptedbef or
eshout ingathi m by
breaki nggl ass, “
y ouknowwhat …justbr eak
everyt
hingwhileyou’r
eatit!
!”Ishoutatt hecater
ing
guyswhi l
eIthrewagl assonthef loorbefor
eIstorm
tothekitchenandfindZenont here.“Angryarewe?I
thoughtthepartywascancelled.”
Me:
Whatmadey
out
hinksuch?
Zenon:
Wel
lyourhusband.
Igotabeerf r om t hefri
dge,Ilookedati tandt hen
puti tback, “
Khenancangot ohel l
…he’ sbeinga
prickf ornor eason. ”Isaywal kingawayt ocheckon
mybabyandZenoni sonmyheel s,“dad,i
st her
e
somet hingIcandof oryou?”hegi v
esmeaf unny
l
ook.“ Can’taf atherjustspendsomet imewi thhis
daught er?
”Iletoutasi gh,“I
’mj ustal i
ttl
est r
essed
that’sal l
,Iwantt hi stogowel l.Youknowt he
childrenhav en’thadmear oundandIwantt histobe
goodf orthem, creati
ngmemor i
esy ousee. ”Henods,
“we’ vebeent hr oughsomuchandIt hi
nkweshoul d
startthey earonahi ghnote.”

Honestl
yI’
m notahol
i
dayspi
rit
edtypeofperson,
it’
s
al
lthesamethingt
ome.Bir
thdaysaredi
ff
erentbut
allt
heothert hingsIdof ortheki dsbecauseIwant
them toenjoy ,
butt onightwasgoi ngt obeanew
star
tforus.Khenanwasn’ tgoi ngt ostopi twit
hhis
badattit
ude, nott oday.IbathedandchangedAkoni
andgav ehimt oDadandhewentdownst air
swi t
h
mysonwhi leIshower ed.It iedmyhai rinat i
ghthigh
ponyandt henwor emygown.Ibat hedt hetwinsand
gotthem dressedi nmat chingout fit
s,theylookedt o
gorgeous.IcheckedonKhany ishewasput ti
ngon
makeup, “whatar ey oudoi ng?”IaskedherasIsat
onthebedi nt her oom shewasusi ng.Shel etouta
deepsigh, “
soIcan’ tl
ookpr ettynow? ”Ilookedat
herinthereflectionoft hemi r
ror,“whosai dyouhav e
toputonmakeupt ol
ookpr ett
y ?”
Khany
i:Al
adyal
way
shast
odoherf
ace.
Me:
Baby
,whoi
steachi
ngy
oual
lthi
s?
Khanyil
ookeddown, “lookatme. ”Shelookedatme
thr
oughthemi rror
,“t
urnaround.”Shet urnedi
nher
seatandlookedatmeandherey eswer egli
steni
ng.
OkIdidn’
tknowhowt odeal wi
tht hisbecauseI
neverwentthroughthisstageandIt hi
nkshei ssti
ll
tooyoungtobegoi ngt hr
oughit
.“ Baby,remember
howyoualwaysusedtotel
lmethatI’
m beauti
ful
andalway
splaywit
hmyhai r
?”shenodded,“di
dI
havemakeuponallthoset
imes?”sheshookher
head.
Me:
I’
dappr
eci
ateaf
ewwor
ds.
Khany
i:No.
Me:
Sowhydoy
ouwantt
obel
i
ket
hat
?
Khanyi
:Al
ltheot
hermother
sdoi
tandt
hegi
rl
sat
school
wearli
pgloss.
Me:
DoesTammywearl
i
pgl
oss?
Khany
i:No.
..Butshei
sdi
ff
erent
.
Me:
dif
fer
ent
?
Khany
i:Youwon’
tunder
standmom.
Ok,IknowTammyi sdiff
erentbutIcan’tsaythatout
l
oud, t
hesekidsarest i
llt
ooy oungandIhav etof i
nd
anotherangleatthis,“
areyounotourl i
ttl
e
pri
ncess?”shelaughedal itt
lebitbef
orenoddingher
head.“Didyouhav emakeuponwhenwecal l
edy ou
pri
ncess?”sheshookherhead.“ Nowl i
stenhere,
you’
reagor geousy oungladyandy oudon’tneedt o
l
ookl iket hegi rl
satschool .Iam notsay ingy ouneed
tol ookl ikemeei therbuty ouneedt olearnt olov e
thewayy ouar e.Tammyl ovest hewayshei sandI
l
ov eherl ikethatandsodi dhermot her,I
’venev er
beenagi rlygirlandGr andmal ov edmet hewayI
waswhi chmademel ov emy selftoo.SowhatI ’
m
say ingisy oucannotbewhatot herpeopl ethinky ou
shoul dbeorwhatt heywantt osee.Nor eal f
riendof
your swoul dwanty out ochange, becausey ouj ust
woul dn’tbet hesame.Idon’ twanty out ochange
eitherbecauseIwoul dlosemyl i
ttl
eprincess.Li p
glossandey eshadowi snotabadt hi
ng, butonl y
wheny ouwantt odoi t.Butify oudoi ttomake
other shappyt heni twillmakey ouunhappy .Youl ike
balletr i
ght ?”shenods, “andify ourfri
endssayy ou
mustst opbal letwi l
lyou? ”sheshookherhead,
“you’ reasmar tgir
l,arey ouget tingmypoi nt?”she
noddedandherey eswer eabitgl ossy,“comeher e.”
Iopenedmyar ms, “you’reper f
ectj ustthewayy ou
are.”Shegav emeat i
ghthug, “Ilovey ouokay ?”she
sniffedabi t
,“Ilovey out oo.”
Ourl
i
ttl
emomentwasi
nter
rupt
edbyTammy
,“It
old
youso. ”Khany i l
etoutal ittl
el augh, “I
’
llbeatt hose
girl
sup.Youwat chandsee. ”Istoodup, “Tammywe
spokeaboutt his,nof i
ghting. ”Sher oll
edherey es
andgav emeahug, “wher e’sKi m andSam? ”she
shruggedhershoul dersandusher edmeoutt he
room andcl osedt hedoori nmyf ace.Okayt hen,
that’
sdone.Idon’ tneedt ocheckonLakhi weIt rust
him.Thegi rlswer epl ayingout sideandaf ewoft he
girl
sar rivedsoIhadt oqui cklyrunupst airsand
changed.Ideci dedt okeepmyf acepl ainsoIdon’ t
contradi ctthespeechIj ustgav eKhany i.Khenan
walkedi nasIwasput ti
ngonmyBBcr eam andhe
kissedmeont hecheek, “youl ookbeaut ifulbaby .”I
j
ustr olledmyey esathi m, “babyI ’m sorry .”Hesai d
ashet ookof fhisshi rt
,Itriedsohar dtogett he
thoughtofj umpi ngonhi m outofmyhead.Iwasst i
ll
angry ,
“ theguy sar ecomi ngi nabi t.Ever yonei sso
excited.”Idi dn’tsayany thing, hewasexpl ainingt o
muchandl ookedabi tner vous, “yout oldZenont he
partyiscancel l
ed? ”IaskedasIt urnedt ol ookathi m.
Istoodupandhel ookedatmeashescr atchedhi s
beard, andIknewt hatlookbuthewasn’ tget tingout
ofthissoeasi l
y.Het ookast eptowar dsme, “l
ook
baby …uhm…f uck.”Her eachedmeandputone
handar oundmywai standpul ledmecl osert ohi m.
Het ookadeepbr eat handswor eunderhi sbr eath
beforehepul l
edmebehi ndt heneckandki ssedme
sohar d.Ipul ledback, “Khenanno. ”Isay ,buthi s
eyeshav egonesmal landIf eel hisbul geonmy
stomachandIt ookabr eat h,“wehav eguest s
downst airs.”Hecamedownandki ssedmeagai n,“I
l
ov ey ousomuch; Iwon’ tl etany onehur tyou. ”He
saidbef oreki ssingmeagai n, Idon’tknowhowi t
happenedbutIwasnowont hedr esserwi thKhenan
betweenmyl egsandhewaseat i
ngmeout .Ihadt o
bit
emyl ipssoIdon’ tscr eam asawav ecameov er
mybodyandIt r
embl edashecamet omymout h
maki ngmet astemy self.Wi t
houtwar ni nghe
rammedi nt omeandst oppedandl ookedi nt omy
eyeswi thsomuchemot iont hatIdi dn’tunder stand.
Heki ssedmeandt henst artedmov i
ngagai n.Af ter
somet i
meheexpl odedi nmeandshothi sl oaddeep
i
nmeandIsoonf ollowedasIdugmynai l
sdeep
i
ntohi sshoul ders.Hecur sedagai nunderhi sbr eath
againandt henpul l
edout .Hehel pedmeont omy
feetandhi sjuicest rickl
eddownmyr ightl eg.He
tookoffmydresswithoutspeakingtomeand
kissedmyshoulder
sbef or
eleadingmetothe
showerforanot
herround.Idon’tknowwhybut
Khenanwast oemotionalf
ormyl i
ki
ngandhekept
apologi
zi
ngunderhisbreathashehadmeagai nst
thewalli
ntheshower.

Afterwhatseemedl i
kef orev erwemanagedt ogo
downst airst oj oi
neveryone.Atl eastthepar tywasn’t
formal ;
ev ery onekeptteasi ngusabouthowwe
nevergetenoughofeachot her.Igreetedev eryone
andIwast alkingtoAbebi whent herewasat apon
myshoul der .Reallyt
appi ngme, becausewecan' t
speak?It urnedar oundandf oundMbal istanding
there,Ipout ed.“ whatdoy ouwant ?”Isaidwi t
ha
l
itt
leat t
itude, “
bit
chpleaseI ’
mt heangr yoneher e.
Nowcomegi vemel ove!!”Ismi ledandshepul led
mei ntoahug, itwassowar m andIwant edt obreak
downandcr yasshewhi sper edi nmyear ,“don’t
fuckingdot hatt omeev eragai n…I ’
m notr eadyto
l
osey ou.”Shehel donf oral itt
lewhi l
elongerand
thenwepul l
edaway ,“
Ilov ey out oo.”Isaidasshe
l
aughedandpunchedmepl ayful
l
y, “
dri
nk?”she
shookherhead,“I
’m pr
egnant.
”Shesai deverso
casual
ly,
“What??”Iscr
eamedandshej ustl
aughed,
“t
herateyou’
regoingat,you’
regoingtohavea
soccert
eam readyin3y ear
stime.”
Mbal
i
:Abebi
wil
lbeatmet
oit
!
Abebi
:Let’
snotev
engot
her
e,Keenanwant
smor
e
af
terIpop.
Me:
Idon’tunder
standwhyhekeepsshoot
ing
mul
ti
ples.
Abebi
:I’
m notev
ent
hir
tyandI
’
m al
readyamot
herof
fi
ve.
Keenan:
asexymot
heroff
ive.
Heki ssedhercheekandpul l
edherawayf rom us.I
l
eftMbal i
togocheckont hekids,theywerehav i
ng
theirownt hingont hesideint heyardandthepool
house.Lakhi wewasn’ tthere,“Londy,wher
eisy our
boyf r
iend.”Shei nstantl
yblushedandshr uggedher
shouldersbef or
er unningof f
.Ilaughedatmyself,
theywer ej usttoocut eespeciallywhentheydeny
beingacoupl e.Iwentt ohi sroom andfoundhimi n
hisunder wearpl ayi
ngt heplayst at
ion.Ihadthis
i
nst all
edthet imeLakhi wesai dhe’sboredwhenhe
comest omypl ace,“
arey ouseriousr i
ghtnow? ”I
askedasIst oodi nfr
ontoft heTV, “
MOM! !!
!”he
shout edoutloudandt hrewhi mselfont hebed.
“Lookwhaty oudi d!
”Irolledmyey esathim and
wentt ohiscl oset,“
getdr essed.Yousai dyoudon’t
wantcl othesso…her ewher ethis.Uhm…andt hat.
”I
puthi sthingsont hebed.“ Fir
stl
yI ’
m nakedandy ou
didn’tknock.”
Me:Fir
stl
ythi
sismyhouse…secondl
yyou’
remyson
andyouhavetoli
stenwhenIt
alk.
Hi
m: I
twasjustoner
ound;
itt
ookmeanhourt
oget
t
othatst
age.
Me:you’
vepl
ayedthi
ssomanyt i
mes,y
ouwanted
t
hispart
ybutyou'
rel
ockedupherebyy
our
sel
f.
Hi
m:I
’
llcomeoutwhenLondyget
sher
e.
Me:
She’
sout
sidet
alki
ngt
osomeboy
.

Hef
rozeandl
ookedatme,
Ijustl
aughedoutl
oud
andwal kedtot hedoor, “
5mi nutes.”Iclosedt he
doorandKhenanwast here,“I’
vebeenl ooki ng
everywher efory ou.”Heki ssedme, “welly ouf ound
me, what '
swr ong?”heshookhi shead, “not hingI
j
ustmi ssedy ou.”OkayKhenanwasal lkindsof
weirdandIwal kedawayandhewasonmyt ailwith
abeeri nhand.Thepar tywasgoi ngwel landdr i
nks
weref lowing, Iwaswal ki
ngar oundt ry
ingt ot alkto
everyoneandmaki ngsur enobodyi sfeelingl eftout
untilsomet hingcaughtmyey e.Iwal kedov erto
Khenanwhohasbeenl ookingatmet hewhol eent i
re
night,“baby.”Hesmi l
ed,“yesmyl ove.
”Hel ookeda
bitguilty,“
Whyar etheguar dsal loverthepl ace. ”He
l
ookedar ound, “whatguar dsbabe? ”hewasn’ t
seriousr i
ghtnow, “
I’
m notgoi ngt oaskagai n.
”Hel et
outasi gh, “
justincaseany thi
nghappens. ”
Me:
Any
thi
ngl
i
kewhat
?
Hi
m:Babyy
ouknowhowt
hesepar
ti
esget
.
Me:
Idon’
t,
you’
renotmaki
nganysenseatt
hepr
ese
-
Ifrozemi dsent enceandKhenanl ookedov erhi s
shoul der,
“ any t
hi ngliket his?”hisf acewenthar d,
“whati sshedoi ngher eKhenan? ”hecl enchedhi s
fi
standwal kedov ert oKal isabuthest opped
halfwaywhenKhany i rant ohergr andmot her .I
wal kedupt ohi m, “fi
xt his,Idon’twantherher e. ”
Witht hatIwal kedawayt ot hekitchen, Ipopped
openabot tl
eofchampagneanddr ankst raightf rom
i
t,“easy .
”It urnedar oundaf oundFi fistandi ngbyt he
kit
chenent rance, “f
orsomebodywhodoesn’ tdr i
nk
thatsur eisahugegul p.”Shesai dl aughi ngandt hen
l
ooki ngov erhershoul der .“Ineedt his,mymot herin
l
awi shere. ”Iexpl ainandt akeanot hergul p, she
l
ooksatmewei rdandt hencl earshert hroat , “
Ineed
thel adi
es, I’
llber i
ghtbackandshehur ri
esof f
.”
Khenanwal ksi n, “
tellmeshei sgone? ”hel ooks
nerv oustoo, “Khenan? ”hecomescl osert ome, “
she
willbehav e.Icoul dn’texact lytel
lKhany i
t hather
grandmot hercantst ay .She’ stooexci t
edt oseeher
andwoul dhat eme. ”
Me:
Khenanaf
teral
lshehasdone?
Hi
m:KeenanandI
cear
ewat
chi
ngher
.
Me:
Idon’
tli
ket
his.
Hi
m:Nei
therdoIbutIpr
omi
senot
hingwi
l
lhappen,
I
t
oldy
ouI’
llpr
otecty
ou.
Me:You’
resoannoy
ingatt
hismoment
.IfIhada
gunI
’dshooty
ou.

Hel aughedandwal kedt ome, “don’ t

,Ineedtobe
alone.”It
ookt hebottleandwenti ntomyst udyto
talktomypar ents.Iwasn’ttheref orlongIjust
neededt ocalm downf rom Kalisa.Iwashal fway
withthechampagneandIf eltmykneesget ti
nga
l
ittl
ewobbl ysoIleftthebot t
lether eandwentt opee
beforeheadingoutagai n.“Thando, ”Keenansaidas
hegotupf rom thef l
oor,“whatar ey oudoing?”he
shruggedandIgav ehimt helook, “KhenanaskedifI
couldjustkeepaney eony ou.”
Me:Real
l
y,shoul
dn’
tev
ery
onebekeepi
nganey
eon
Kal
i
sa?
Hi
m:I
cehast
hathandl
ed.
Me:
Andy
ouar
efi
newi
thhav
ingherher
e?
Hi
m:Notr
eal
l
y.
Me:
Sowhyar
eyounotget
ti
ngherout
?
Him:YouknowhowKhenancanget,andit
’sbestt
o
keephercl
osei
ncaseshetr
iesany
thing.
Me:
Ihav
eabadf
eel
i
ngaboutt
his.

Iwal kedawayt ocheckonmyki ds,itwasaf ter

23H00andwewer egoingt ocountdownsoon.
Khany irantome, “
mom l ookwhatGr angotme? ”
shewashol dingaboxandhonest l
yIwasn’ t
i
nter estedbutIpl ayedalongandact edi nter est
ed
whenoneoft heguardsmadet heywayt ot hepool
house, “
sweet y,goshowdaddy .I’
llber i
ghtback. ”I
walkedacr osst helawnandhewasopeni ngt he
door ,“canIhel pwithany thi
ng?”hewasabi tstartl
ed
butpl ayedi tcool,“
justcheckingifev erythingi s
alr
ightma’ am. ”Idi
dn’tsayany t
hingbutj ustf ol
ded
myar msunt i
lhegott hepointandwal kedaway .I
goti nsideandt heli
tt
lekidswer eallsleepi ngand
theirnanni eswer eintheloungear eahav ingaf ew
bever ages.Igott oAkoni andcheckedhi snappyand
thenchangedhim andtheguardpassedbyt he
windowobv i
ouslypatr
oll
i
nganddoi ngwhatheget s
paidtodo.Akoniwasjustsleepi
ng,thi
sboyl i
keshis
sleepshame,Icheckedonthenanniest oseeifthey
wantedanythi
ngandt heyseemedf i
nesoIl ef
tthem
togetbacktotheadultssoIcancount downwi t
hmy
family
.EventhoughIwasangr yatKhenanIst i
ll
wantedtokisshim whentheclockstri
kes00H00.
Icerant omeasIwal kedacr osst hel awnt othe
mainhouse, “hey.”Iroll
edmyey es, “noty outoo.
Leav emealoneorj ustt el
lmewhatt hef uckisgoing
on.”Hechuckl edandgav emeapl ayfulpunch,“I
don’tknowwhaty ou’reonabout .
”Icont i
nued
walking,“WhateveritisIwillfi
ndout .KeepKal i
sa
awayf rom meorel seIwi ll
killhere.Al lofyoubetter
stopact i
ngdodgebecauseI ’
llputabul l
etineach
andev eryoneofy ou.”Iwalkedi nandscannedt he
room; KhenanandZenonwer etalkingt oFifi
inthe
corner.Goshpoorgi rl,wonderwhatt heywer e
sayingtothepoorgi rl,shelookf r
ight enedandIhad
tosav eher.
Fi
fihasbeengoodt
omeandshe’
sbecomesome
whatofaf r
iendwhenmyv erybestfri
enddeser t
ed
me.Icaneasi lysayshecameatt heri
ghtt ime.Her
andKhenanhav en’
treall
yhungar oundsot hat
’swhy
I’
m shockedt oseethem tal ki
ngtoeachot her.Mbali
stoppedmeasIwasmaki ngmywayt here,“babe,
there’
ssomeoneIwanty out omeet .
”Ihookedour
armst ogetherandt urnedtowher et helit
tlemeet i
ng
washappeni ngbuttheywer egone.Zenonst ood
alonedrinki
nghi sbeerandKhenanwasst andingon
theporchsmoki nghiscigar ett
e.
Okayweir
d,Ithi
nktheyareplanni
ngasur pri
sefor
me.I’
vecaughtthem outandtheyshouldjustcome
outwit
hital
ready.t
hisrunni
ngaroundwasannoy i
ng
me,“ohwellshewasjuststandi
ngthere.
”Mbal i
l
ookedatmef unny,“
whoi sthi
spersonagain?”
Me:
Afr
iend.
Her
:Ha,sincewhencany
oursar
cast
icbi
tchyass
makefr
iends?
Me:Leav
emealone.Weneedt
ogat
herev
ery
one,
i
t’
salmostt
ime.
Everyonecamet ot heporchandgat heredar
ound;
thechil
drenwer erunningaroundandt henstopped
whenwest ar
ted.Ilookedaroundf orKhenanbutI
couldn’
tseehim any where,10…9….8….“ Heybaby.”
heheldmef r
om behindandki ssedmycheek.He
tur
nedmear oundt ofacehim, “3…2…1…happyNew
Yearbaby .
”hesaidbef orekissingmesohar d,he
l
ift
edmeupandspunmei nt heair
.

BOOM! !
BOOM! !Thecr acker swentof fandev eryone
wasscr eami ngandshout i
ng.Khenancol lapsed
underme; ourbodi escamet umbl ingt othef l
oor.
“Baby.”Ibalancedmy self,tryi
ngt ogetupf rom him
andhewasn’ tmov ing.“baby ,”Ilookedathi m and
histopwassoaki ngr ed.Ilookedupandnobodywas
seeingwhatwashappeni ng.Amanr anacr osst he
l
awn, “ICE!
!”Iscreamedoutl oudandev eryone
l
ookedatme.Ipoi ntedi nthedi recti
ont hemanr an
andZenonst art
edspr i
ntingacr osst helawnandI ce
rantome, “Ican’tfeel apul se.”
Anotherl
oudwai
lcameandIlookeduponl
ytofind
Kal
isarunni
ngt
owardsusanddroppi
ngtoherknees.
“notmyson! !
NO!!
”every
onestoodstil
landlookedat
us,“gettheki
dsoutofherenow!!
”Ishoutedandt hat
wasdi r
ectedatKeenanwhowasf rozenonthespot ,
“NOW KEENAN! !
”
[
11/
23,
18:
34]Ly
nne:
***
**Khenan

IknewThandowoul dn’tstopthepar t
ysoIhadt o
playalong,andIhonestlywasn’tfeeli
ngi t.Ihada
badf eeli
ngatthepitofmyst omachaboutwhat
mi ghthappentoday,Istoodinthedoorwayand
wat chedherfi
xupherper f
ectface.Thiswomani s
gor geousandjustthethoughtofsomeonewant i
ng
tot akeherawayfrom memademeangr y.Iwalked
overt oherandIknewshewaspi ssedof fatme, I
hadt ri
edtostopherpar tyandIdidn’tgett hegir
ls’
dresses.Shewassocut ewhenshewasangr yand
thatmademewanthersomuchmor e,Idi dn’
twant
hert obeangryatmeIneededhert orelaxsoIcan
sor toutt
hismess.Imadel ov
et oherlikei twasthe
l
asttime, Icoul
dn’tletherseethehurtandfearin
myey esoImadel ov etoherintheshowerandl et
thetearsf al
lasIwhi sper
edapologi
est oher.Our
heartswer einsyncandt hatwastheper f
ect
moment ,Iwantedittolastfor
everbutIknewt hat
Nkany eziwasoutt ogetusandIhadt ostophim
toni
ght .

Iwasonhert ailthroughouttheni ghtandf oll

owed
herev erywherei fIwasn’ twatchingf rom the
distance..
.Nkany eziwasn’tonsi teandt hatcalmed
medownabi tbutFi ki
leandJamesar r
ivedandIhad
towar nhert obehav eifshewant smet ospar eher
l
ife.Shef earedmebecausesheknowswhatIwas
capabl eof,butshest i
llhadthener v etot r
yme.I
shouldhav edealtwi thbothherandherhusbandal l
thosey earsagobecauseIwoul dn’tbei nthe
situati
ont hatI’mi nnow.Thi swasj ustanot herTiny
andMar quesi ncident,Ineedtost opov erl
ookingt he
mi nordetailsbecausei talway sfindsawayt ocreep
uponmewhenIl eastexpecti t
.
Thandowasf uri
ousaboutt heguar dsandIt hinkshe
wasbuy i
ngmyst orybef oreKal i
sawal kedi n,
“anythingliket his.”Sheaskedasshel ookedov er
myshoul derandwhenIsawt hatdev il
Ical lmy
mot her,Iaut omat icallygotangr yandt urnedonmy
heel.Ifeltmybl oodboi lbecauset hi swomanwas
testi
ngme, andIhadmadei tspecif i
ctot heguar ds
nott oletheri nbecauseIwasgoi ngt odeal withher
tomor rowaf t
ert hepar ty.Itooklongst ridest owar ds
herbef oreKhany i rantoher ,“ohmygosh, Grandma
Ky ou’reher e.”Sheseemedt ooexci t
edasshe
j
umpedi ntohergr anny ’
sarms.Icoul dn’tbreakmy
daught er’
shear tsoIwat chedt hemoment ,
“fi
xt his,
I
don’twantherher e. ”Thandosai dbef oreshewal ked
away .Ihadt omakeapl an, fir
stl
y; getKal isaoutof
here.Secondl y;useFi kil
et olureherhusbandout .
Thirdlyeli
mi nat ehi m onceandf oral lbef orekill
i
ng
botht hosedev il
s.

Thandowasoutofsi t
eandIt ooktheopportuni
tyto
tal
ktoFikil
e,Icouldn’
ttakeherintoaroom because
thatwouldraisesuspi
cionsoIgr abbedZenonand
foundheri
nt hecor
ner.“
Fiki
l
e, ar
eyouhavi
nga
greatt
ime?”sheforcedasmile;“
I’
dli
keyoutomeet
someone,Zenon.”

Herey esaut omat icall

ypoppedout ,
“hewi llbe
watchingy out onight .
”Sheclearedhert hroatand
tookasi pofwhat ev ershewasdr i
nking,“Khenan…
uhm Khenan?Isai dI’l
lbehave.”Igaveherasmi r
k,“I
knowy ouwi l
l,andZenoni sjustheret omakesur e
youdo.It hinky ouknowwhathedoest opeoplewho
don’tbehav e,especi all
ywheni tcomest ohis
family.
”Shel ookedscar ed,sheknowst hest or
ies;
everyoneknowst hest ori
esandt hatmakesme
wonderwhynobodyi nSouthAf r
icahasr ecognized
him aftersol ong.Ther eisnoot hergangst erin
hist
oryt hathasdonesomeoft heshi tthatZenon
does,okmay beDigger .

Oncehissi
sterdatedasmalltowndrugdeal
er,the
guyrapedhi
ssisterandgotherhookedondrugs.
Shewassenttorehabandshecommi t
tedsui
cide,
Zenonwentcr azy .Heslaughteredt hewhol egang
andki l
ledtheguy ’
sfami l
yonebyoneov eraper i
od
of3day s,l
eavingonl yhismot herandsur renderedto
thepolice.Hewast r
iedandpl eadedgui l
tyandsent
toprison,ay earlater;asplannedhewast ransferr
ed
totheguy ’sprisonandmur deredhi m.Heescaped
pri
sonwi t
hthedeadbodyonl ytodel i
verittohis
mot her’shouse, hecookedt heweekol dbodyand
for
cedhert oeathi spenisandi nsidesbefor e
maki ngherhangher selfinthefami l
yli
vingr oom.

Thisguyi
sapieceofworkandIdon’
twantt
omess
withhi
m,anyonewhoknowsZenon;knowsbet
ter
thantocr
osshim.Ci
ndyhadsomeballs.

Iwasi nt
err
uptedwhenIsawThandol ooki
ngour
wayandt hankgodforMbali
.Theyt al
kedandImade
myescapesoshedoesn’ taskanyquest i
ons.I
walkedaroundandsurvei
ll
ancethepr oper
tyandt
he
countdownbegan.Ihadtomakei tbackbecause
Thandowasgoi ngtoki
llmeifIdidn’t
.Shewas
l
ooki ngaroundwhenIr eachedbehi ndherand
kissedhercheekbef or
eIturnedherar ound,
“3…2…1…HappyNewYearbaby ,Isaidbeforekissi
ng
herandl i
fti
ngherofftheground.Thef i
reworkswent
offandIfeltmybodyget ti
ngcold, Itr
iedtoholdon
andkeepupr i
ghtbutgravi
tyfai
l
edmybodyandI
camecr ushingdownandIwasout .

*
***Thando

Keenanrushedawaybehindthecrowdandlucki
l
y
thechi
ldrenhadn’
tnoti
cedandhehopeful
l
ygot
them i
ntothepoolhousebef
oretheysawor
suspect edany thing.Thef i
recracker skeptgoi ngon
andonbutIcoul dn’ thearany thing,al lIsawwer ethe
l
ight sf l
yingi ntot heskyanddecor atingt hebl ack.I
wast akenoutof fmydazebyKal isascr eami ng,“Put
him down! !”Iwasshaki ngandt hetear sf i
ll
edmy
eyes, IcehadKhenanov erhisshoul der ,
“hel i
ves.I’
ve
threatenedy out oomanyt imesbutnowImeani t.I
f
hedi es, youputabul leti nt
oy ourownheadbef oreI
fi
ndy ou.Gethi m outofher e.”IsayasIst andupand
Kalisaf ollowst hem i nsi de,Iletoutadeepbr eath
andev eryonel ooksatme, “Gety ourki dsandgo!Al l
ofy ougetoutmyf ucki nghouse! ”theyscat ter
aroundandMbal iwal kst owar dsme, “Than-”Istop
herbef oreshecont i
nuest ospeak, “didy ounotj ust
hearmyf ucki ngi nst r
uct ion?St opbei nghar dheaded
andgety ourf ami lyoutofher enow! ”shedoesn’ t
sayany thingandt het ear sstream downherey es,
“Thandopl ease! ”Ir oar, “GOHOMEMBALI !!
”Iwal k
towar dst hepool houseandl ookdownandI ’
m
soakedi nbl oodsoIt urnbackt owar dst hehouse,
Zenonr unsaf terme, “hegotaway .”Idon’ tsay
any t
hi ngandj ustwal kt otheki tchenandwasht he
bloodof fmyhandsandgr abacoatandwal kt othe
pool house,Tammygi vesmet helook.Sheknows
exact lywhathappenedandIdon’ tent ertainher ,I
fi
ndKeenanandpul lhim aside.“Taket heki ds,
disappear .Idon’twantt oknowwher ey ouguy sare,
youdon’ tcomebackunt ilItel
lyout o.”Her ubshi s
head, “Thandowher emustIgo?Khenan?I shedead?
I…I..
.Thando, ”he’sshaki ngandst utteri
ngandr eal
lyI
didn’thav etimef orthis.Bef oreIcoul dopenmy
mout hAbebi slapshi m har dacrosst hef aceandhe
seemsshocked.He’ sbackt ohissenses, “baby
bringt hecarar ound. ”Shedoesn’ tsayany thingbut
wal ksawayandhegoesi ntother oom, wemanage
togett hekidsint hecarandIki sst hem al l
, “
I’
mr i
ght
behi ndy ouguy s.We’ regoingonhol idayjustl i
ke
Nanaandgr anddadDumi usedtookay ?”the
youngerki dsaresl eepyandTammyi sthel asttoget
i
n, “yout akecar eherokay ?”shedoesn’ tsay
any thingbutnodsandt heyal lgetintothecarandI
wat chast heydriveawayi nthreesepar at ecar s,Kim
i
none, Keenani nanot herandAbebi i
nt het hir
d.
Iwal kedbacki ntot hehouseandt herei s
commot i
on, “ t
hisisent i
relyyourf ault
,y oulitt
le
bitch.”Kalisai sst andi ngov erFifiandr eadyt okill
her ,
“I’m sorr y…”that ’
sallFifimanagedt osayand
shekeptr epeat i
ngt hewor dsov erandov eragain.I
clearedmyt hroatandt heywer ebot hst artl
edt osee
mest andingt here, “Kali
sa? ”Isaidandshej ustsat
down, “asky ourf riendov erhere.”Shesai dpointing
toFi f
i andf oldedherar ms, Zenonwal kedi nboth
Kal i
saandFi fil
ookeduncomf ort
abl e,“dadpl ease
cany ouwat chmyguest s,Ineedt ogetmy
husband’ sbl oodof fmybody .”

Fifi
startedcr yi
ngandIj ustwal kedupst air
s,Istayed
i
nt heshowerf oral ongti
met r
yingt opiecetogether
whatt heset wower etal
ki
ngabout .WhywasKal i
sa
blamingFi f
i andhowdi dtheyknoweachot her?I
fi
nallygotoutandwor eadr essshirt;i
twast oohot
forany t
hing.Igr abbedKhenan’ sri
fle,Iwasn’t
playi
ngwi tht hesebi t
chesandIwal keddownst airs
withmyhai rstil
ldri
pping.Theyal lweresi t
ti
ngt here
sil
entl
y;Iplacedtherif
leont het abl
eandwalkedout.
Iretur
nedwi thabottl
eofwhi skeyandtwoglasses
andgav eonet oZenon, “
arey ousureyouwantt o
witnessthi
smur der
?”Iaskedhi m ashetookthe
glassandIpour edhim adrink.“Iwouldn’
tmissitfor
thewor l
d.”

Iwasst i
llshook, butIwasn’ tgoingt olett hem see
thi
s.AllIwast hi
nkingaboutwaswhenKhenanwas
i
nhospi talandIhadt odeal wit
ht hedr ugbusi ness.
Hereagai nIf oundmy selfint hesameposi tion, but
nowi tseemedast hought heper sonIconsi der eda
fri
endandhi sownmot herwer eresponsi ble.I
pouredmy selfadrinkandt ookitdownsamet ime, i
t
burnedal lthewaydownt omyst omachandmy
eyesbur nt.Idon’tknowi fitwasf rom theal cohol or
becauset hel oveofmyl i
f ewasdead, possi blydead.
Okayhewasdead, Ifelthiscol dbodyandhi shear t
wasn’tbeat ing,myhusbandi sdead; Itol
dmy selfas
Ipouredanothergl
assandt ookital
lback.Kali
sasat
therewithablankface,butshekeptsteal
i
ng
glancesatmydadbutshest ayedqui
et.Fi
fionthe
othersidewaslookingdownatherf i
ngersandkept
playi
ngwi t
hhernailsifi
twasn’tt
hehem ofher
dress.

“Okay,mustIstartshootingbef oresomeonesay s
something?
”Kal i
sashoul dknowt hatIdon’ tpl
aybut
i
nsteadshecal l
edmebl uf f.“
Thandoy ourhusband
i
sdeadandy ou’
reheret hreateningusi nsteadof
fi
ndingoutwhoi sresponsi bl
ef orthis.
”Ilaughed,“
A
secondagoy ousaiditwasFi fi
’
sf ault,
soar eyou
sayi
ngImustshoother edeadr ightnow? ”

Fif
i’
sey esshotupatmeasIspoke, “
ohniceofy ou
tofinall
yjoi
nus.SoI ’
m giv
ingyouguy s1mi nuteto
explainwhathappenedorel se.
”Ifir
edther i
fl
einto
theceili
ngandt hechandeli
erdangledont heside,
theglassmadeachi mingsoundast heglass
touched.“It
’sher;
itwasallherplan…Iwasj usta
pawninhergame. ”Fifisai
dimmediat
elyandfinall
yI
wasgetti
ngsomewher e,“whatdi
dshedo? ”Fi
fi
l
ookedatKal i
saandt henZenonstoodup,hedi dn’
t
walktoherbuthim standingupfr
ight
enedherand
shestart
edtalki
ng,“shesaidyouaretaki
ngher
awayfrom herfamil
yandneededmet ohelpherget
herfamil
yack.”

Me:
Andhowwer
eyousupposedt
odot
hat
?

Her
:Wel
l
…uhm.

Shelookeddownagai nandZenonwentt osi

tnext
toher,“nobodywillhurty
ou, wejustwanttogetto
thebottom ofthi
s.”Heputhi sarm ar
oundherand
sheshook, shetri
edt omov eawaybutZenon
ti
ghtenedhisgriponher ,“
startfr
om thebegi
nning.
”
Shetookadeepbr eathandst art
ed,“
backintheday
KhenanandIwer eseeingeachot her
.”Myblood
i
nstantl
yboi l
ed,“
seeeachot herhow?”
Her:IwasmarriedtoNkany ezi
,wellst
ill
am.Khenan
andIwerehavinganaffairbehindNkany eziand
Khensani
’sback.Nkanyezihadabi gdeal thatwas
goi
ngdownandi twasgoingt osethim upf orl
if
e,
bei
ngmeIt oldmyl ov
erboynotknowi ngwhathe’ s
do.

“Whatdidhedo? ”Iint
errupt
edher.Kali
samoved
uncomfort
ablyinherseatandIpoi nt
edthegunat
her.“
Hewaspl anningonj umpingi
nont het
radeand
wantedmet ohelphi mtakedownNkany ezi
.In
ret
urnhewouldl eavehiswifeandbewi t
hme
becausehedidn’tloveheranymore.”

Me:
Andt
hen?

Her:Nkanyezif
oundoutaboutouraf
fai
rand
t
hreatenedtotakemydaughterawayfr
om me.He
wasgoi ngtodotheworst
,Thandoyou’
reamother
andyouknowt
haty
ou’
ddoany
thi
ngt
opr
otecty
our
own.

Me:
whathappenedaf
tert
hat
?

Her:Igott
heinf
ormati
onf r
om Khenanandgav eit
al
ltoNka.Andtheplanwast otakeKhenandown.
SomehowKhenanf oundoutthatIcrossedhim and
hecameaf t
ermeandf uckedmeupr ealgood.

Kal
isa:
Itser
vedyour
ightbl
oodybi
tch!Heshoul
d
hav
ekill
edyou.

Zenon:
Itwoul
dbebestf
ory
out
oshutup.

Kal
i
sadi
dast
old,
“goongi
rl
,wasNkany
ezi
theone
whoshotKhenantonight
?”shenodded, “
Khenan
madeadeal andgotNkanyezi
’stwinbr ot
her,
Nkazimulokil
l
edandNkanyeziwasar rested.Hegot
outrecent
lyandhewantedhisrevenge.Hewant ed
al
lhismoneyback.”

Me:Sohowwouldhehav
egot
tenhi
smoneybacki
f
Khenanwasdead?

Sheshookherhead, “Idon’tknow.Hesai dhewant s

Khenant opay .That’
sallIknow. ”Okaysheseemed
genuineandshewasscar ed,butitstil
ldi
dn’tmake
sense.Thest orywasn’taddingup, thisNkanyeziguy
wouldhav eblackmai l
edKhenant ogethismoney .
Dugupdi rtyandmay beusedhi sfami l
yagainsthi
m
sohecoul dgetwhathewant ed,“t
heshotwas
meantf orme? ”IsaidandZenonl ookedupatme
confused,“yourhusbandwasn’ tgoi
ngt okil
lKhenan
withoutgetti
nghi sbi
gpaycheque, soheneededt o
takeawaysomet hingfrom Khenanl ikeKhenandid
tohim allt
hosey earsago.”Sheshookherhead, “
I
don’
tknow.
”

Istoodupandpacedt heroom andf oundZenon’s

ci
gar et
tesandlitone.Istoppedi nmyst epand
l
ookedbackatt hem, “
andwher eistheconnecti
on
her e,howdoesKal i
saknowy ouandwhyi sshe
blami ngy ou?
”IsatbackdownandKal i
sa’
s
expr essionchanged, “
Iknowherf r
om backthen.
Khenant oldmet hatNkany eziwasbackf rom
prison.”Ishookmyhead, “Khenandi sownedy ou,
whywoul dhetelly
out hat
? ”

Her
:Idon’
tknowaskhi
m.

Me:Ican’t
,he’
sdeadr emember
?Andy ouknowhi
s
ki
ll
erandy ou’
rekeepinginf
ormat
ionf
rom us.We
needtoteachhim alesson.

Fi
fi
:Itwasher
.
Me:
Uh?

Fi
fi
:shewant
edy
oudead!Shewant
edmet
oki
l
lyou.

Ti
mestoodsti
l
lforwhatseemedl
i
kehour
s,“
what
di
dyousay?
”

Kali
sa:
Real
l
yThando,y
ou’r
egoingtobeliev
ethis
bi
tchwhowasfucki
ngyourhusband.Shesti
ll
wants
hi
m.

Fi
fi
:She’ssaidifyou’
reoutoft
hepict
urethan
Khenanwillconti
nuegivi
nghermoney.Sheisbroke
andshecoul dn’
tevenpaymef ort
hejobshehir
ed
met odo.
Kali
sal
etoutalaugh,
“wow,
you’
remor
edel
usi
onal
thanIt
hought
.”

Fi
fi
:shewantedy
outobemi ser
abl
e,herandsome
Mart
y…Marthaorsomet
hing.

Me:
What
?

Fi
fi
:sheki
l
ledy
ourpar
ent
s…

Ifeltthegl assslipoutofmyhand; Idon’tknowwhat

washappeni ng.Itcrashedont hefloorasIpi ckedup
ther i
fleandpoi nt editatKali
sa.“Thando!No! ”
Zenonsai dchar gingformeandpushedt hegunasI
fi
red, Iwasshaki ng.Myey esfil
ledupsof astandt he
tearsdr oppedi mmedi at
ely,
uncontr ol
labl
yasIst ood
up.Kal isahel dont oherear,itwasbl eeding.Iguess
Ijustgr azedher .IstoodupandZenont riedt ohold
mebutIescapedandheadedf orthedoor .Igrabbed
ther emot ethatwassi tt
ingont hetableandwentt o
thegar
ageandopenedit
,“babypl
ease.
”Idi
dn’
tst
op;
Igoti
ntoKhenan’
sBugat
tianddroveof
f.

Idrovef
astbutcaref
ull
y,Ineededtor ecoll
ectmy
thought
sandcomeupwi thaplan.Idr ov
ef oran
hourandstoppedatagasst at
ion,Isearchedthecar
foranymoneybutitwasempt yandIj ustsatthere
withmyheadont hesteeri
ngwheel j
ustcr yi
ng.
[11/23, 18:34]Lynne:Isatt hereinthecarjust
thinkingaboutwhatIhadj ustheard,howdi dKal i
sa
pullthisshi toff
?Mar tha?Sheki ll
edmypar entsand
thenshewassentt of ini
shmeof f?Allforwhat ?For
money ?Myt houghtswer einterr
uptedbyar i
nging
cell,whatIdi dn’
thav emyphonewi thme.Ichecked
aroundt hecarandf oundasi mpleSamsungandi t
rangagai nbutthenumberwasn’ tsaved,“Thando?”

Me:
KeenanIt
oldy
ounott
ocont
actme.

Hi
m:Ij
ustwan-
Me:
No,
aremychi
l
drensaf
e?

Hi
m:Yes.

Me:
Tel
lIcet
osav
emyhusband,
cany
oudot
hat
?

Hi
m:Thando.

Me:Keenan,
hehast
ocomebackIcan’
tli
vewi
thout
hi
m.

Iheardhim sigh,“I
’
vet r
ansferr
edsomecasht othi
s
phone,f
indanFNB. ..It
hinkyou’l
lneeditt
oget
home.”Hedi dn’tsayanythingbutcutthephone
l
eavingmewonder inghowheknewIwasn’ thome,
“thanks. ”Ir epliedt omy self,Igotoutt hecari ntears
andwenti nt ot hegar ageandwi thdr ewt heR2000
eWal l
ethehadsent .Idon’ tknowwhatIwasgoi ng
todowi t
hsuchl i
ttl
ecash.Icoul dn’tev enleav ethe
count ry;Ihav enobodyt ohel pmesol vet hi
s.Spha
youbl oodybast ard,youmademer elyony ouf orall
thisshi tandt hent urnedoutt obeaf ucki ngmonst er
.
IthoughtasIgr abbedwat erandwal kedt owar dsthe
cashi er,Ihat edt oadmi ti
tbutr i
ghtnowIneeded
him.Thegar agewasempt yonl yonel adywasi n
frontofme, “
happynewy ear.”Shesai dwi t
hasmi le,
Iforcedasmi lebackandshel ookedatmef rom my
bar efeetr ightupt omypuf fyhairandr edey es.
“Hect icnight ?”Iwant edtol aughatherbutIj ust
coul dn’t,“don’ twor ry,nobodywi llrememberi nthe
mor ning. ”Shechuckl edandIl ookedatt het i
meand
thenbackatherandf inal
lyt hecashi ercal l
edher
andshewal kedov ertopayf orhergoods.Iwasup
next ,“Sawubona, ”Igr eetedandshel ookedshocked
butt ri
edt ohi dei t.Real l
ynowIdon’ tl ookt hatmi xed
racesosheshoul djustgetagr i
p, “
unj ani ?”Iasked
herbackbecauseshewasn’ ttal
king.“ ngirytsisi
uy aphila?”Il ookedather ,“ whatdi dy ouj ustsay ?”
shelookedatmeasi fIwascrazy ,
“howar ey ou
doingma’am.”Sherepeat
edher sel
f,“uthenisisi
?”
shelookedsoconfused,“
ngibuzeukut hiury
tna,
uyaphi
la?”Il
etoutalaughandgav eherR100and
rantothecarIfi
ll
edupanddr oveof f
.

Iparkedinf rontofthedodgehouseandst oodt here

forawhi le,Thandot hisispuremadness.Whati f
theyareal lmonst er
s?Youwi lldie!Itookadeep
breatheandopenedt heedoor ,ther ewasabunchof
guyssitti
ngont hepor chhav i
ngsomebeer .Iwal ked
acrossther oadt owar dsthem, “sweetr i
de.”Oneof
them said,“Youcanhav ei
tifyout akemet oPhi la.
”
Theguy sal ll
aughed, “Shewant st oseePhi l
a.”The
bigguyt ookt hebluntandpul ledabi tt
oohar dand
coughed, “andwhatmakesy out hinkhewant sto
seey ou?”heaskedmeaf t
erher ecovered,“I
’ma
fri
end.”Theoneguyl i
ftedhisheadandt ookthe
hoodyof f,“you’
reSpha’ sgirl
.”Iletoutasi ghand
nodded, hewasoneoft heguy swhohel pedme
whenIwasi nt hement alhospi tal.Sphagothi mt o
testthedr ugst heywer egi vi
ngme, Ir emember ed.I
smi l
edandnodded, “fi
nallyy ouagr ee.Come. ”The
bigguyst oodup, “whatdoy out hinky ou’redoing
man? ”heasked, “cany ouj ustsity ourf atassdown, I
knowherandshe’ swi thme. ”Theywer est anding
facet of ace, “Lungel oI’
llcrushy ou.”Yest hatwas
hisname, “cool i
tguy s,justt akehert ot hemai nhall
andi fbossdon’ twantt oseeherhe’ llsaysoand
deal wi t
hheraccor dingly.Biggywhyy oual way s
hav et obesohot -headed? ”hepushed‘ biggy ’t
ot he
side.AndLungel oleadt heway ,wewenti nsideand
hedi dt hewhol epr ocessoff inger pri
nt sand
passwor dandwewer eint hebeaut ifulhouseagai n.
Philawasont hecoucht opl ess,massagi nghi sgirl
’s
feet,itwast hesamegi rlthatwasal way sher e.She
wasdr inkingwi ne.Don’ tpeopl egooutonNew
Year sEv e?Li ket heyar ejustsi tt
ingherwi thsof t
musi ci nthebackgr oundandaf ewcandl esandI
cansmel ll
av ender .Itr
iedt ocont r
ol myal ler
giesbut
Icoul dn’t,i
twasabi tstrongandIsneezed.Ev eryone
turnedt ol ookatmeandi thappenedagai nandt hen
at hi
rdone.Ir ubbedmynoi se,“
she’
saller
gic,andI
al
way st ol
dy outhisshitsmell
sbad.”Lungelosaid
andmyal l
ergiesfail
edmeagai n,“
whyar eyoust i
l
l
standingthere?”Philaaskedbefor
eIwasusher ed
outtot heroom wi t
hallthecomputers.

Iwasl ef
tbymy selfandIstar
tedpacingupand
downt heroom bef orethedooropenedandPhi l
a
walkedinput ti
ngonhi stop.“
Mr sDeCost awhatcan
Idoy oufor?”Ifoldedmyar ms;Idon’tknowwhyI
didthat,
“Ithinkyouhav eanidea.”Isai
d.

Phila:
Listen,youj
ustint
err
uptedmyni ghtwi
thmy
wife.I
fy oucameherewi t
hatti
tudet henIdon’thave
ti
mef ort hat
.MaybeSphaletyout al
kt ohim anyway
youwantbutme, Iwil
lnothaveit
.I’m notalovesick
puppyt hatyoudemandandt alkshitto.Youkill
ed
thatmanr emember?
Wow, Ihadnowor dsri
ghtnow,“hedeser
vedit.
”He
satinthechai
randcrossedhislegs,
“ar
eyouher e
aboutSpha?”Ishookmyhead, “
sogetonwithit!
”I
pull
edachairandsatdown, “
Ineedyourhel
p.”He
cl
earedhisthr
oat,“pl
ease.
”

Phi
l
a:Whatki
ndofhel
p?

Me:
Inf
ormat
ion.

Phi
l
a:Yes

Me:I
nfor
mat
ionaboutt
hepassi
ngofmypar
ent
s
andamannamedNkanyezi
.
Phi
l
a:Sur
name?

Me:Idon’tknowhissurname,butherecent
lygotout
ofj
ail
.Mar ri
edtoaladybythenameofFi f
i,hehad
somebusi nesswi
thmyhusbandaf ewy earsback
andthat
’showheendedupi npri
son.

Phi
l
a:Sowhydon’
tyouasky
ourhusbandt
hen?

Iswal
lowedhard,“
he’sdead.”Phil
a’
seyesshotwi
de
open,
“Kayisdead?”Ijustnodded,“
how?”

Me:
Shot
.

Phi
l
a:when?

Me:
Toni
ght
,thi
smor
ning.
Phi
l
a:wher
e?

Me:
Atmyhouse.

Phi
l
a:Andy
ousawt
his?Whodi
dthi
s?

IfIdi
dn’tknowbetterI
’dsayhewasactuall
y
concerned,“t
hisNkanyeziguy.
”Hescr
atchedhis
head,“howlongwast hisguyawayfor
?”Ishrugged,
“si
ncebef or
eImetKhenan. ”

Phil
a:Wel
lobvi
ousl
y,becausehewoul
dn’thav
edone
thati
fhehear
dthestori
es.Sowhatwi
lly
oudowith
him?

Me:
Idon’
tknowy
et,
Ihav
en’
tthoughtt
hatf
ar.
Phil
a:Youkil
l
edmyf r
iend,buthelov edy ousomuch
andhewouldhatemei fIdidn’
tdot his.I’
ll
helpyou
butaft
erthi
sdonotsetfoother eorel seI’
llhav
emy
guysshootyoudeadi
nt hestreet.

Iclearedmyt hr
oat,“arewecl ear?”Inoddedwi thout
sayingany thi
ng, “
Whoar ey ouwor ki
ngwi t
h?”I
shookmyhead, “withyou.”Hechuckl edabi tand
scratchedhi schin,hedidn’thav eabear dandIdi dn’
t
under standwhy .Ij
ustdon’ tgetguy swhodon’ thav e
beards; it
’ssounat tracti
veandmakest hem look
l
essmanl y.DidPhi l
alookunmanl y?Nopenotr eall
y,
butabear dwoul ddohim good.Real l
yThando, are
yout hinkingaboutt heman’ sbeardr i
ghtnow?
“Thando? ”Isnappedbackt or eali
ty,
“uhm yes.”

Hi
m:Yeswhat
?Doy
ouwantt
orestbef
oreweget
st
art
ed?

Me:
No,
wecangetoni
tst
rai
ghtaway
.

Hewal kedoutandcamebackaf ewmi nuteslater

withafewbeer s,“sothi
sNkany eziguy
, Ineedto
knowmor e.
”Itookadeepbr eathandal lIcoul
dhear
wasFi f
itell
ingmehowKal i
sakill
edmypar ent
s,“he
hasabr other.Atwinbrot
her,Nkazimulo.”Phil
a
stoppedtypingonhi skey
board,“Nkazi
mul o
Sithol
e?”Ishookmyhead, “
Idon’tknowhi s
surname.”

“Thi
sFif
igi
rl
,whati
shersurname?”Ishrugged,
“I
don’
tknow.
”Hescratchedhi
shead,“andhowdoy ou
knowheragai
n?”
Me:
She’
saf
ri
end.

Phi
la:
Whatki
ndofaf
ri
endi
fyoudon’
tknowher
sur
name?

Me: Iwasgoingt
hroughatought i
me,shewasthe
breathoff
reshai
rthatIneeded.Idi
dn’
tneedt
o
knowhersurnameatt heti
me.

Phi
l
a:You’
resl
i
ppi
ngup.

Me: Iwasnevercutoutf
ort
his;
I’
m onl
yinthi
smess
becauseofKhenan.Heputmeinthismessbefor
e
andhe’sdoingitagai
n.

Phi
l
adi
dn’
tsayany
thi
ngbuthecont
inuedt
owor
k,
afterabout20mi nuteshegotapenandapaper ,“I
don’tdot hedirtywor k,
sosi nceyouhav enot eam
playerstheny ouhav etodoi tyourself.
”Inodded,
“herearet hedet ail
soft hemant hatdrovethetruck
i
nt oyourpar ents.”Ilookedathi m, “
truck.
”He
nodded, “whatdi dy outhink?”Ishrugged,“the
detecti
vesai ditwasabi ggercar.”

Phil
a:andat
rucki
sabi
ggercarf
rom wher
eIcome
fr
om.

Hel ookedatmewi thconcer

n,“Thandoyouneedto
keepy ourheadinthegameifyouwantt ogetoutof
thi
sal i
ve.From whatIgat
herNkanyezii
sdangerous;
may benotashi sbrot
herwas,butamanwi th
nothingtolosewill
goallki
ndsofcrazyonyou.”

Me:
Ihav
enot
hingt
olose.

Phi
l
a:Youhav
efi
veki
ds,
youhav
eev
ery
thi
ngt
olose.
Hesai dthatstandi ngup, “Nowpayt hisgent lemana
visitandgetwhaty ouneed, someoneboughthi m
andy ouneedt of i
ndoutwhom.I ’
l
l t
ryhacki nghi s
call r
ecords;trynott okillhim becauset hepol icewi l
l
knowi twasy ou.Keepacl earheadbecausei fy ou
fuckt hisupy ou’reony ourown. ”Hel eftmei nt he
room andIgat heredmy self,Iwal kedoutand
nobodywasi nthel oungebutt hel avendersmel l
l
inger edintheai randIwentt ot hefrontdoor .Phi l
a
stoppedmeandt ur nedmet of acehi m, “ar
ey ou
strapped? ”Inoddedmyheadandpul ledoutofhi s
gripandmademywayoutoft hedoor s,buthe
stoppedmeagai nandf ri
skedme.“ Youwantt odi e?”
heasked, Iwalkedawayagai n.Atleastl eaving
wasn’ tashar dasent eringbuthef oll
owedmet othe
car, “
PhilaIgott his.”IsaidasIr eachedt hecar , he
didn’tseem conv i
nced, Ipoppedt hehoodand
showedhi m whatImeantbybei nggood.Het ooka
stepaway ,“waitthr eeday sbef oreyoucomeher e,
andnextti
meuseal owkeycar.
”Hetur
nedand
walkedbacktowardsther
undownhouse.Igoti
nto
thecarandstar
tedtheengi
net
hendroveofftot
he
addressonthepaper.

IknewKhenanal way shadt hegoodgunsi nthe

expensivecars,andhi sment alitywast hatnobody
stopsrichpeople.I’
dal way sr ollmyey esatt hat
ri
dicul
ousst at
ement , butIguessi twastrue.
Becauseev enwi ththest reetsi nfestedwithpoli
ce,
notoncewasIst opped.Idr ovet ot headdressand
l
ookedatt hehouse, simplet hreebedr oomsand
Toy ot
aTazzpar kedi nt hey ard.Iwasbar ef
ootand
couldn’
twalkinl ookingl i
ket his.

Iwasn’tdressedfort
heoccasionsoIendedup
dri
vi
nghome, thepl
acewasamessandIt hought
aboutcleaningupbutIdidn’
thavet
heenergytodo
so.Everyonemusthav ebeenasl
eepsoIwent
straightupt omyr oom andsear chedt hecl oset ,
someofKhenan’ scl ot
heswer est i
ll heref r
om
befor ewest ay edt ogetherbutt heal lsmel tlike
deter gentandcl ean.Ist ri
ppeddowni nthecl oset
andt hent ookashowerandwor et hecl otheshehad
onbef oret hepar tyandgoti ntobed.Iwasn’ tgoi ng
togetmuchsl eept hatIknew, soIl ookedt hrough
myphonewat chingourv i
deosandl ookingatsome
pictures.Isawt hesuncomi ngupbutIt hi
nkIdozed
off oraf ewmi nut esandt henIwasupagai n.I
brushedmyt eethandwentt ot hegar ageandt ook
somegunsf rom Khenan’ scaranddr oveof ft ot he
venue.Thehousel ookedwor sei nt hel i
ght, butIst i
ll
wal kedi n.Iknockedaf ewt imesbef oreawomani n
herear l
ytwent i
esopenedt hedoori nherunder wear
andav est;shehadadoekonherhead.“ Whatdo
youwant ?”sheaskedmeassher ubbedherl ef teye,
“hi,sor r
yt owakey ou.I’
ml ookingf oraSi mphi we,
Sims. ”Sher oll
edherey esandwal kedawayl eav ing
thedooropenandIt ookthatasani nvit
ation, “Sims,
oneofy ourwhor esi sherefory ou! ”sheshout edas
shedi sappear edi ntothepassage.Ihear dagr oan
from whatIassumedwast helivingar ea.Iwas
steppi
ngonbot tl
esandci garett
ebudsasIf ol
l
owed
thesound,“Kimmyi st hatyoubaby ?”amanst ood
uplookingdisor
ientated,“hi,
I’m Thando.Ineeda
fewmi nut
esofy ourtime. ”Helookedar oundthe
house,Iwasn’tsureexact lywhathewasl ooki
ngfor
buthelookedhar mless.“Ladywhatdoy ouwant?
”
heaskedme, “
breakfast?”

Helookedatmeconfused,“I
’
m buying,andIjust
needamomentofy ourti
me.”Ithr
ewar ol
lofmoney
athi
m, whi
chseemedt ogethisat
tenti
on,“onyou?”I
noddedandwalkedbacktowardsthedoorIusedt o
comein.

.
.

Wewer esitt
inginadi nerandIhador deredcof fee
becausemyheadwaspoundi ngandhegotabeer .
Gonear etheday sIusedt ohav ebeerf orbr eakfast
,
withthekidsIcan’ tdot hatany mor e.Afterourf ood
ordercamehest artedeat i
ngandIj ustlookedathi m.
Itol
dt hewai t
resswe’ dcal l
ifweneedany thingand
therewasnoneedf orhert ocheckuponusand
thenIplacedt hegunont het able.Ididn’tl
etgoofi t,
andkepti tfacingt hisSimsguy ,“whatt hefuck? ”he
askedasheal mostj umpedouthi sseat.“Idon’t
wantt ohurty ou,sot rynotbr inganyat tentiontous
okay?”henoddedandsati nhisseatl ookingatme
buthedi dn’
tcont inueeat ing.“Simsy oukill
edmy
parents,
”het iredtot alkbutIst oppedhi m.“ It’
snota
question,butthequest i
onhowev eriswhohi red
you?”

Sims:Li
stenherel
adyIdon’
tknowwhatdrugs
you’
reon,butIai
ntnomurderer
.Iai
ntscar
edofy
ou
cops.

Me:
I’
m notacop;
Ijustwantt
oknowwhohi
redy
ou
t
okil
lthem.

Si
ms:
LikeIsai
d,Idi
dn-

Ishower edhi m api ct

ur eoftheaccidentscenet hatI
gotf rom Phi l
a, “nowpl easedon’tmakemebegy ou
tot ellme.”Hewasshaki ngandy oucoul dtellhe
wasf ri
ght en,“I
…I …”hel osthi
swor d,“Ineeda
name. ”hebur i
edhi sf aceinhishands, “Simphi we
please. ”Hel ookedupandhehadt earsinhi sey es,“I
don’ tknowhername. ”hesaid,“
soi twasal ady? ”he
nodded, “awhi tel ady? ”henoddedagai n.Isear ched
throughmyphoneandt henonFacebookl ookingf or
Mar t
ha’spi ctureandshowedi tt
ohi m.“ I
st hisher ?”
henodded, “yes.”Iputt hephoneawayandr ubbed
myhandsonmyt highs, t
heyweresweat i
ngandI
feltmyt earsbui ldup, “howmuch? ”helookedatme
conf used, “howmuchdi dshepayy ou?”heshookhi s
head,
“I’
m sor
ry…pl
ease.
”

Me:
Howmuch?

Hi
m:Hal
fami
l
li
on.

Istoodupandpl acedafewnot esont hetable, “Miss

Thando. ”Hesai dasIgr
abbedmygun.Idi dn’tsay
anything;Iwalkedtomycaranddr oveof f
.Ipar ked
atthebeachf orhour
snotknowi ngwhatt odo; I
couldn’tkil
ltheguybecauseitwoul dallpointtome.
Iwasn’ tgoingtokil
lKal
isat
hatwoul dbetoeasyf or
her,sheneedst osuf
fer
.ButFikil
e,she’sdy i
ng.
Zenonwassleepi
ngonthecouchwhenIgot here,
I
di
dn’twakehi
m upbecauseItoowasfeeli
ngti
red.I
l
ookedmy sel
fint
heroom andwatchedthevi
deos
al
loveragai
nandthendri
ft
edoff.

Iwaswokenupbysomeoneshaki ngmesoftly
; I
openedmyey esandfoundZenonst andingoverme,
“babyyouneedtoeatsomething.”Idi
dn’tar
gue, I
washungrysoIsatupandat e.“How’sitgoi
ng? ”I
shruggedandatemyfood,“youneedmet ohelp?”I
shookmyhead, “
whereisshe?”

Zenon:
Whi
chone?

Me:
Kal
i
sa?

Zenon:
Iputheri
nmyhouse,
bot
hoft
hem act
ual
l
y.

Me:
LetFi
ki
lego,
andt
ell
hert
otakeherdaught
er
andl
eav
ethecount
ryandnev
ercomeback.

Zenon:
AndKal
i
sa?

Me:
Tel
lhert
omeetmeher
etomor
row

Zenon:
Whatwi
l
lyoudo?

Me:
Not
hing,
readi
ngKhenan’
swi
l
l.

Zenon:
Babe.

Me:
Nodad…

If
ini
shedeat
ing,
andhej
ustsatt
her
esi
l
ent
ly
watchi
ngme, hedi
dn’tf
ussbutl eftmetosleep.I
wasgoingtousetodaytojustrelaxandtr
yf i
gure
outwhatthenextmoveis.Ihonest l
ydon’
tevenhave
anidea.

Ifoundmy sel
fupatmi dni
ghtandIcoul
dn’tsleep
anymore,atextcamei nonmyphone.Igotoutof
bedandf r
eshenedupbef or
eIheadedtothe
farmhouseandIsatdownont hecomput
er .I
’
m not
surewhyIwasher e,orevenwhatIwasaboutt odo
butthecomput erstart
edandIwai t
edabit.Iwasin
andIopenedoneoft
heprogramsandst
art
edt y
ping
away.Iwashi
tti
ngwal
laf
terwall
.Whydon’
tthese
thi
ngscomewithamanual?

Igotabeerandwentbackati t
;Ionlymanagedt o
fi
ndoutabi taboutadr uganddi amonddeal that
wentbad.Nkaz imulodi edandNkany ezi i
nprison.
Therewer emanyot hercasual ti
esandaf ewpeopl e
thatescaped.Iaut omat icall
yassumedonewas
Khenan, Iwast ryi
ngt ogeti nt
oNkany ezi’
sdet ai
ls
whent hedooropenedandKeenanwal kedin.Ididn’
t
sayany thingt ohi m andhedi dn’tspeakei t
her, I
don’tknowhowheal way sknowswher eIam or
everyonef ort hatmat terbutIwasn’ tint hemoodt o
fi
ndout .Hedi dn’
tev engr eetbuthesatdownand
start
edwor ki
ngt oo.Il eanedbackandcr ossedmy
armsast hei nf ormationpopul atedont hescr een.
Camer af oot age, bankst atement sandt ext
messages.Kal i
sa,Fikil
e,Nkany eziandBar bara.Who
i
sBar bar a?Andwhati stheconnect iont oher ?I
didn’
task, afteranhourorsoKeenanst oodupand
packedhi slapt opandheadedt owar dst hedoor .
“
Didhel oveher?
”Iwasn’ tlookingathim butIcould
t
ellhestoppedwalking.“Idon’tknow, Iwastoo
young.Butaccordi
ngt omyknowl edgehedidn’t,
it
wasjustabusinesstransactiononhi send.”

Me:
soshel
ovedhi
m?

Keenan:
Ithi
nkshewasf
all
i
ngf
orhi
m.

Me:
Butshesol
dhi
m out
.

Keenan:
Tokeepherdaught
er.

Me:
whydi
dn’
thet
ell
me.

Keenan:Itwasint
hepast
,Idon’
tthi
nkhet
houghti
t
wouldresurf
ace.
Me:
Didheknowshewasback.

Heletoutasighandcametositbackdown,“
yes.
Buthedidn’
tknowaboutt
heplanshehad.”

Me:
Thanky
ou,
youcangonow.

Keenan:
Thandoy
ouneedhel
p.

Me:
andy
ouj
ustgav
eitt
ome.

Keenan:
Yo-

Me:
Idon’
tneedany
oneel
seget
ti
nghur
t.Wi
th
Khenanoutofthepict
ureI
’mtheonl
yonewhocan
pr
otectmyfamily.Whoknowswhatoldenemi
esar
e
l
urki
ngintheshadow?

Hedidn’tsayanythingbutheadedout .Isatt
here
l
ist
eningt ocal
lrecordsandsav i
ngt hem onahard
dri
ve.Kali
sawasbehi ndital
l,
shewasconspi ri
ng
wit
hMar t
hatotakeawayev ery
thingfrom mejust
howIdi dtoher.andt heplanwast odriv
emecr azy
aft
ermypar entsdeath, shewantedmet otakemy
ownl i
ve,andifIdidn’
tthenMar thawouldbethereto
fi
nishme.

Whenshel earntIwasal i
veandherpr eciousMartha
wasnomor eshebr oughtinFiki
l
e.Fiki
lewast odo
thesame, andKal isapromisedherKhenan’ shear
t.I
don’tknowi fshemeanti torjustsai
dt hattoget
Fiki
l
et ocooper ate.Ihadenought ogetKal i
saoutof
myl i
feforgood, itwasdawnandt hesunwas
cr
eepi
ngout
.

Igott othecarandcal l
edJames, “
Thando. ”He
soundedsl eepybutwasn’ trude, “
Ineedy ouatt
he
housei nacoupl eofhourspl ease.Cany oubri
ngany
document sorcont ract
sthati nvolveKalisa?”He
clearedhisthroat,“
whattime? ”wast hi
sJames?
“Around11H00, i
fit
’sokaywi thy ou.”Iheardayawn
“will
seey outhen.”Icutthecal landheadedhome,
fi
rstKalisaandt henNkany ezi.

.
.

“Thandohow’ smysondoi ng?”Kali

saaskedasshe
rushedin,“stil
ldeadKalisa,takeaseat.”Herface
wentpale, Idon’tknowi fi
t’sbecauseofwhatIsaid
orifit
’sbecauseshesawJames.Idon’ tthink
anyonelikesJamest hatmuch.Shesatdownand
playedwithherr ing,“
thanky ouallf
orcomingat
suchnot i
ce, Kali
sathisisforyoureall
y.
”

Kal
i
sa:
whati
sal
lthi
saboutThando.
Me: Thi
siswhathappenswhensomeonedies,
thei
r
assetsgetspl
i
tup,i
sn’tt
hatwhaty
ouwanted?

Tear sroll
eddownherhead, “ThandoIj ustwant ed
myson. ”Iclappedmyhandsandl aughed, “You
shoul dhav ethoughtaboutt hatbeforeconspi ri
ngt o
kil
l me.”Shest oodup, “Ididnosucht hink.That
bitchislying.”Ipr essedpl ayont hecomput erand
l
istent oherv oice,“…Iwantherdead. ”Ididn’tplay
thewhol et hingandwentt ot henextone, “
…t onight
shedi es.”Andt henext,“…Iwantt hatbitchoutofour
l
ivesf orgood. ”Istopped,“ si
tdownKal isa.
”She
didn’tneedt obet oldtwice, “nowJameswi l
lbe
readingust hewi ll
,andt heny oucangobackhome. ”

Herey eswidenedandIcoul
dseeJamesmov i
ng
uncomf or
tablyi
nhisseat
.OkayIputhim ont
hespot
butithadtobedonebecauseKali
sawasget t
ingtoo
bi
gf orherboots.Hecl
earedhi
sthroatandst
arted
reading, Idon’ tknowwhathewasr eadingandI
want edt ol augh.Butmyangerandhat r
edf orKali
sa
stoppedme, andaf tersomel egalgarbageJames
i
nf ormedKal isat hatKhenanhadnoasset stohis
name, “
Thati sall bull
shit!
”sheshout ed.James
pul l
edoutast atementandshowedhert he
transactionsofev eryt
hingt omyname, t
hehouses
andcar s.Sheswal l
owedhar d,“t
heNi geri
anoi l
company ,Iown5%ofi t.”Jamesshuf f l
edar oundin
hisdocument sandhandedi tt oKalisa,“Khenan
signedov erhi sshar estoThandowhenhegav eher
ev eryt
hing. ”

Her
:ButIsi
gnedf
ort
hem

Me:Heisn’
tall
owedtogivey
ouwhatdoesn’
tbel
ong
tohi
m.Ineedy ououtoft
hehousei
nJamaicaas
soonasyouland.

Her
:That
’smyhouse.
Me: andIlety oukeepi t,
buttimeandt i
meagai nyou
keept est
ingme.I ’vereachedmyl i
mit…Ican’tstand
you,youki l
l
edy ourownson, youalmostgotyour
granddaught erraped,andy oukeptherpat
ernit
ya
secret.Youhadmet hrowninjai
landy ouwere
will
i
ngt odoi tagainbecausey ousaidIkil
l
ed
Khensani…I tstopsnow.

Isli
danenv elopeacr osst het abl
e,“i
fy ouentermy
countryagai nIwillshooty ouont hespot .
”She
openedt heenv elopeandst art
edcr y
inglouderwhen
shesawt heonewaypl anet i
ckettoJamai ca,“
is
thereanythingelseJames? ”heshookhi shead, “
get
yourfi
lthyassoutofmyhouse. ”Shesatt hereand
shewasshaki ngwi tht het i
cketinherhands, I
walkedar oundt hetabl et ohersideandl eaneddown
towhisperi nherear ,“y ouwi l
lneverseey our
grandchil
drenev eragai n.Iwillmakesur etheydon’t
remembert hatyouev erexi st
ed.”Ikissedhercheek
i
nacheekymannerandwal kedawayl eavingthere
tocryonherown.Isal utedJamesandhepackedup
andl
eft
.
[11/
23,18:35]Lynne:Guysthi
siswhatIwast r
ying
toavoi
d,thelongwaitingperi
od.Itr
iedtofi
nishbutI
coul
dn’tunfort
unatel
y.Butthi
sisthelastepi
sode,
I’
vefi
nall
ymanagedt of i
nish.
Ir
eal
l
yhopey
ouenj
oy.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
*
***
*Ice

Khenan’
sli
fel
essbodyl
ayonmyoper
ati
ngt
abl
e,hi
s
chestwasopen.Il ookedathi slungsmov i
ngupand
downallthankstot hemachi nery.Itookast epaway,
andmyf acegothot .Hislef
tl ungwaspunct uredby
thebull
etandcollapsedinthepr ocess.Itwas
soakedinbloodandnoai rwascomi ngi
n.Hi sri
ght
wasdamagedf r
om t hesmoki ng; Ineedtoqui t
smokingIthoughtt omy sel
f.Itookadeepbr eat
h
andsti
tchedhim backupandt ransferr
edhisbodyt o
my‘cri
ti
calcareuni t
’andcleanedup.

WhenIgottot
hemainhouseIhadmi
ssedcall
s
f
rom Ki
m andIcal
l
edherbacki
mmediat
ely
,“baby
.”
Ki
m:Hi
,how’
sitgoi
ng?
Me:
Notgood.
Ki
m:MustIf
lyout
?
Me:
Nobaby
,I’
vegott
his.Ineedal
ung.
Ki
m:what
?
Me:
Youhear
dme…
Ki
m:Okay
,bl
ackmar
ket
?
Me:
It’
sgoi
ngt
otaket
ool
ong.
Ki
m:Can’
tyouj
ustchangehi
m?
Me:BabyyouwantThandot
oki
l
lme?Iwi
l
lnotdo
whatSphadi
dtome.
Ki
m:buthe’
l
ldi
e.
Me:
Noti
fIgetanot
herl
ung.
Ki
m:Idon’
tli
ket
hesoundoft
hat
.

Myphonebeeped, “babywe’ llspeaklater

,Keenanis
call
ing.”Isai
daf terchecki ngmyscr een,“Il
oveyou,
takecar eofmybabi es.”Shegi ggl
ed,“Andwel ove
yout oo.”Bythet i
meIendedt hecallKeenanhad
alr
eadycut ,Itri
edtocal lhim buthedi dn’
tanswer,I
tri
edagai nafterawhi leandt hephoner anginthe
room, “whattooky ousol ong?”hesaidstandingin
myki tchen.

Me:
Don’
thacki
ntomysecur
it
ysy
stem.
Keenan:
It’
srudet
okeepaf
ri
endwai
ti
ng.
Hewalkedtothefr
idgeandgotabeer,
“wearen’
t
f
ri
ends,andyou’
reinvadi
ngmypri
vatespace.
”
Keenan:Wearefr
iendsandtheonl
ythi
ngpri
vat
ein
thi
srel
ati
onshi
pareourwives.Nowhow’smy
brot
herdoi
ng?
Me:
It’
snotgood.He’
sbasi
cal
l
ydead.
Keenan:
What
’swr
ong?
Me:
Hisl
ungcol
l
apsed,
he’
sonl
i
fesuppor
t.
Keenan:
Youhav
ethatt
ypeofequi
pmenther
e?
Me:
Youaskt
oomanyquest
ions.
Keenan:
whatopt
ionsdowehav
e?
Me:
Ineedal
ungl
obe.
Keenan:
Cany
out
akemi
ne?We’
rebr
other
s.
Me:
Irant
hebl
oodwor
kandy
ouar
en’
tamat
ch.
Keenan:
Youhav
emybl
oodsampl
e?
Me:
Youaski
rr
elev
antquest
ions.
Keenan:
Thando?
Me:
smoker
.
Keenan:
sobasi
cal
l
yev
ery
onecl
oset
ohi
misano
go?
Me:
Yip.
Keenan:
Ithi
nkAki
ncanhel
p.
Me:Thatwil
ltaket
ool
ong;
wecan’
thav
ehi
m onl
i
fe
suppor
tfor
ever.

Keenanscrat
chedhishead, hewalkedaroundthe
i
sland.Notwalkedbutpaced,hewasdeepi n
thought
.Helookedatme, “Ihaveanidea.”Hetook
outhisphoneandsentat ext,
“andthen?”Iasked,
“Nowwewai t.
”

*
***
*Thando

Kal
i
sahadboardedthepl
aneandl
eftt
hecountr
y,I
waswatchi
ngital
lfr
om t
hefar
mhousewit
habeer
i
nhand.Igotamessageonmyphone,“
Kayneedsa
l
ung,
andnobodyi
samat
ch.
”
Ireadthemessageov erandov eragai
n.Ilookedat
thescreenandt appedmyf i
ngernai
lsonthedesk;I
threwthephoneasi deandl ookedatthecomput er
screens.Nkanyezijustpurchasedaplanetickett
o
JHBt onight
,andanot heronetoNami bi
aear l
y
tomorrowmor ning.

Idon’tknowwher ehewasst ayi

ngsoIcoul dn’
tget
tohim, butIknowthatat20H30hewi l
lbeatthe
air
port.Mymi ndwaswor ki
ngov ertime;l
uckil
ythe
air
portdoesn’tgetbusyatni
ght.Iwast appi
ngaway
atthetableandbiti
ngmynai l
sont heotherhand.
Myphoner ang,“
James?”Ianswer ed,“
Kali
sahas
l
eftthecount r
y.”
Me:
ThanksJames,
Iwat
chedherboar
dthef
li
ght
.
James:
Oh,
any
thi
ngt
ohel
p.
Me:
Act
ual
l
yyoucanhel
p,Ineedmoney
.
James: Uhm,howmuch?Doy
ounothav
emoneyi
n
youraccount
?
Me:
IneedcashJames;
I’
m notgoi
ngt
obank.
James:
Alr
ight
,I’
l
ldr
opi
tof
fatt
hehousei
naf
ew
hour
s.
Me:
You’
reast
ar.

Idr
oppedt
hecal
landdi
all
edZee,
“baby
.”
Me:Hidad,
pleaset
ell
met
hatbi
gzedony
ourj
et
i
sn’
tther
eanymore.

Helaughedatme, “Youthi
nky ou’
refunny.Andt her
e
i
snomor eartworkont hejet
;itwasbr i
ngi
ngt oo
muchattenti
on.”Irolledmyey es,l
ikeobviousl
y.I
wonderwhyi ttookhimt hi
slongt oreal
isethat,
“can
yougetitsetupf orat r
ipt
oDur ban?”
Zee:
Uhm baby
,what
’si
nDur
ban?
Me:
I’
ll
tel
lyoual
labouti
ttomor
row.
Zee:
Justdon’
tgety
our
sel
fki
l
led.
Me:
Don’
twor
ry.
Zee:
Youneedanyhel
p?
Me:No,I
’l
lbef
ine….Act
ual
l
ybeatt
heai
rpor
tat
19H00.
Zee:
Seey
out
hen.

MaybeIdoneedal it
tlehelp,
Igatheredthegang.
Andsetupanemer gencymeet ingin2hourst i
me.
Mymindwasr acing, IneededtotakeNkany ezi
downinsuchshor tspaceoft i
meandi twasgoing
tobeataplaceint hepubliceye.Ineededtowor k
smart
,andfast…IneedKeenanont hisone.
.
.
.
.
.
IwenthometoshowerandthenpickedZenonup;
Fi
kil
ewassti
l
lathishouse.Idi
dn’
tseeherbuthe
madeitapoi
nttoinf
orm me,I’
l
ldealwit
hheraft
er
herhusband.WedrovetoNandosandor
deredfood;
unfort
unatel
yIwasinnocooki
ngmood.Zenonfelt
weneededt ogetbeer
,sowewentpasstheli
quor
storebef
oreheadi
ngtothefar
mhouse.
Theguyswerether
e,wellmostoft
hem, “
dowehav e
anewmi ssi
on?”Pi
etaskedandInodded,“l
i
keold
ti
mes.
”Snakesaidopeningabeerwit
hhisteet
h,“so
whoarewet aki
ngdown? ”

Ist
oodinfrontofthem,“it
’sper
sonal
ly,andbeforeI
cangeti
ntodetail
sIneedy ouguystodecideifyou
wanttodoitornot.”Il
ookedatthem andeveryone
nodded,
“it
’snothi
ngmaj orandnobodyisdying.
”
Snake:
okay
,notf
unbutwhoar
ewet
aki
ngdown?
Me:
Nkany
ezi
Sit
hol
e.
Smuggi
e:Nkazi
mul
o’st
winbr
other
.
Me:
Yip.
Smuggi
e:Wher
e’sboss?
Me:
fight
ingf
orhi
sli
fe.
Smuggi
e:andI
ce?
Me:
sav
inghi
m al
ongwi
thKeenan.
Snakes:
Sowhati
sthepl
an?

Istart
edexpl ai
ningourpl an,“
soIneedt hepower
cutfrom allthetel
lers.Snakes,you’
ll
bei nthequeue
behindhi m andCaney ouwill
escorthimt othejet
.”
Canel ookeddown, “
Ican’t.
”Snakeslaughed, “
Don’t
tel
lmey ou’
rebanf rom thisai
rportt
oo.”
Me:
whywoul
dhebanf
rom t
heai
rpor
tthough?
Snake:
Becausehe’
sapsy
chot
icwal
ki
ng,
tal
ki
ng
bomb.
Me:
Cane!
Cane:
Iusedt
owor
kwi
thhi
m,he’
l
lrecogni
seme.
Me:
Elabor
ate.
Cane:IhelpedKhenansethi m upal
lthoseyears
back.I
’m partofthereasonhewasbehi ndbares
andhewi l
l nothesi
tat
et opul
lacrazystuntonthe
spot.
Me:
Ok,
wecan’
thav
eyouany
wher
enearhi
m.
Snakes:
Theny
ou’
l
ljustpophi
mifhet
ri
esany
thi
ng.
Me:
No,
Nkany
ezi
li
ves.
Cane:
ThenIst
aybehi
nd.
Snakes:
Whydowewanthi
m al
i
ve?
Me:Hehassomethi
ngv
eryv
aluabl
e,Iwanti
tand
Khenanneedsi
t.

Ever
yonegav emet hel ookandIj ustsmi
led, we
wentov ertheplanandSmuggi ehackedintothe
ai
rportsystem,“nah, shewillr
aty ouout.
”Pi etsai
d
aswewer egoingov ertheladieswhowor kedatthe
ai
rport.
Smuggi
e:shei
sper
fect
.
Me:
whatmakesy
out
hinkso?
Smuggi
e:Lookatt
hatweave,
shecan’
taff
ordi
fwi
th
herownmoneyandhernai
l
sar ecl
aws.
Me:
Meani
ng?
Smuggi
e:Shewi
l
lsnackany
thi
ngt
hatscr
eams
money.

Everyonel aughedathi sstupi dityandwedeci dedon

her,“ZamaMpof ana,singl
epar ent.Shest aysina
fl
atcloset otheai rportandhermot herisi nthe
townshi pwat chingherdaught er.ShesendsR1500
homeev er
ymont hbutlastmont hshedi dn’tsend
anything.”Igav ehimt helook, “whynow? ”he
openedupanot herbankst atement ,“
sheowessome
onebyt henameof …Musi mbwaEl odieMut ombo.”I
l
ookedatt hescr een,“wait,andscr ollup.”Andhedi d
asinstructed, “
bingo,sheoweshi m R25000. ”Igot
up,“wehav eourgi rl
,sendmeheraddr essand
everyoneneedst obei ntheirpl acesby19H00. ”
Igotint
omycaranddrov
et othehouse,
Jameswas
i
nt hedri
vewaysoIdi
dn’
tdriv
ein.hegavemeabag
packandIwenttot
headdresstheSmuggiehad
giv
enme.

Thi
sfl
atwasf
ancyandmay
beSmuggi
ewasr
ight
afterall;shel i
kest hingsthisone.Ir anupthest air
s
andknockedont hedoor ,
“comi ng!!
”Sheshout ed
andami nutel at
ersheopenedt hedoorandst ood
therei nherst ockingsandabr a,shewasput t
ingon
earri
ngs.I sthishowsheopenst hedoorreal
ly,“are
youl ost?”sheaskedmeassher oll
edhereyes, her
fakel ashesf lapped.Ev erythingaboutherwasj ust
fake; herey ebrowswer edrawnonandhernose
l
ookedpoi nty.Thiscont ouringwi l
lbethedeathof
thesegi rls,“hell
ocanIhel py ou?”shesaidbri
ngi ng
mebackt oreali
ty,“Ineed10mi nutesofyourtime. ”
Her
:I’
mrunni
ngl
atef
orwor
k,whatdoy
ouwant
?
Me:
I’
m her
etot
alkaboutMusi
mbwa.

Herey esshotopenandherbr eathi

ngchanged, “
I
don’tknowwhaty ouaretal
kingabout .
”Iletouta
sighandwal kedpastherintot heapartment ;i
twas
verysmallopenpl an.Thedisheswer epil
edupon
thesinkandt herewereempt ybot t
lesont hetable.
“youcannotj ustbargeint
omyhousel i
ket hat.
”I
roll
edmyey esatherandmov edalltheclotheson
thecoucht otheside.Shest oodt herewi thherar ms
crossed, “It’
sbesty ousi tdown. ”Ilookedupather
andshedi dn’ tmov e,“yourattitudest i
nksandmay be
Ishouldl ett hisMusi mbwaguyj ustsor ty ouout .
Howl ongdoy outhinkitwi l
ltaket opayback25k. ”I
chuckled, “howmanyR1500doy ouneed…goshl ike
what2y ear s?Plusi nterest…y ou’refucked.Nowsi t
downandl etmehel py ou.”Shewentabi tpal eandI
couldset heshocki nherf ace, shemov edt othe
chairopposi teme.Shesatont opofhercl othes,
whichseemeddi r
tyi nmyopi nion.Iunzi ppedt he
bagandpl acedf i
vepi l
esont het able,“R50000, you
payof fMusi mbwaandsendt herestt oy ourmot her
andchi l
d. ”
Her
:Howdoy
ouknowaboutmyf
ami
l
y?
Me:
Zama,
you’
reaski
ngal
lthewr
ongquest
ions.
Her
:Howdoy
ouknowmyname?

Il
etoutal
oudsigh,
“you’
retesti
ngmypati
ence.
Here’
showyou’
regoingtopaybackmymoney .
”She
l
ookedupandnodded,“y
ou’regoingt
ogotowork
asnormal,
ataround19h00yourcol
l
eagueswil
lal
l
beoff
li
ne.Youwillcont
inuet
oworkunt
ilacer
tai
n
mangetstoyou.”
Zama:
Howwi
l
lIknowi
t’
shi
m?
Me:
Nowy
ou’
reaski
ngt
hecor
rectquest
ions.

Igotoutanearpi eceandhandedi ttoher,

shewas
shaking.“youneedtorelaxifyoudon’ twanttoget
kil
l
ed, t
hismani sdangerousandi fhesmell
sf earon
you.Theny ou’r
etoast,okay?”shenodded, “
and
whenheget stome, whatdoIdo? ”Ismil
edather ,
you’r
ecat chi
ngon, “
I’
ll
tellyouwhatt osaythrough
theearpiece.Itshoul
dn’ttakelongerthanfiv
e
minutesandt hensomeonewi l
l comeandassi st
you.”Shenoddedagai n,“anyquest i
ons?”
Zama:
whyar
eyoudoi
ngt
his?

Igotupandswungt hebagov ermyshoulder

,“my
husbandneedsalung.”Ipout
edandwalkedoutof
theapar
tmentbackintomycaranddr ovehome.I
cal
l
edSmuggi
eandtheboyswereal
lset
,“di
dyou
managet
ogeti
ntot
hepri
sonfi
les?”
Smuggi
e:Yesbossl
adyandIsenti
ttoI
ce,
hesay
s
we’
reamatch.

Idi
dn’tsayanyt
hingafterthat,
Icutthecalland
smiledasIdrov
ehome.I ’
vealwayslovedbeing
cal
ledBossLady,butthiswast helastti
me.Itooka
showerandSkypedAbebi tospeakwiththechil
dren,
“ar
ey ouguysbehavi
ng? ”
Tee:
Mom,
Zeeat
echocol
ateaf
tersupper
.
Zee:Butdaddysai
dit
’sf
inebecausei
t’
sschool
hol
idays.
Tee:
shei
sly
ing,
daddydi
dn’
tsayt
hat
.
Khany
i:Yeshedi
d,butonl
yonebl
ock.
Me:
andhowmuchchocol
atedi
dZeehav
e?
Zee:
ONE!
!

Iwasl
aughi
ngsohar
d,“
wher
eisLakhi
we?
”Iasked
thegirl
s,“Lakhi!!Mom iscall
ingyou!”Khany i
shoutedatt het opofherlungs,ohmygoshwhat
wasAbebi feedingthem.IsawLakhi wer unningi
nto
thelounge,“heybuddy ,
Iheareveryoneishav i
ngice
cream forbr eakfastandchocolat
ef orsuper!
”
Tee:
Icecr
eam!
!!
Lakhi
we:
Youst
art
ed,
andi
t’
sal
ldads’
faul
t.
Me:
I’
ll
hav
eawor
dwi
thhi
m.

Lakhiwe’sfacechanged, Ij ustsmi l
edandnodded.
Wespokewi thourey esandIr eassuredhi that
everyt
hingwi llbeokay .“Sayby et omom, t
heymov i
e
i
saboutt ost art!
”Iblewki ssesatt hem,
“Byyyyyyyyy
eMoooooooooom. ”Andt hent hescreen
wentblank, Isatinf r
ontoft hecomput erf orawhi l
e
andthenwal kedintot hecl oset.Iwasn’ tgoi ngto
walkintotheai rportl
ooki ngl i
keat hug; Iwor ea
shortyell
owski r
tandawhi tecropt op.Put
conditi
onerinmyhai randputonar edl ipst i
ckwitha
whitesandal .Istr
appedmyguni nt
omyi nnerthigh
andanot herinmybag.Oneoft hegi r
lswasat
secur
ity,soIwasn’ tt
oowor ri
edaboutt hat
.Iwent
downt othest udyandsaidashor tprayeri
nfrontof
mypar ents’ur
nsbef oreheadingout.Ihadabeeras
Idrov
et ot heairpor
t.

“BossLady?”snakesaskedasIparkedt
hecar
,“yes
buddy?”hel
aughed, “
shi
ttheradi
usontheset
hings,
whereareyou?”
Me:
Ijustpar
ked
Smuggie:
Wemi ghthav
ealit
tl
einter
fer
encewi
thour
si
gnalsopleasepayatt
ent
ionguys.
Cane:
andt
hegi
rl
?
Me:she’l
lj
oinusaf
terhert
eabr
eak,
guy
spl
ease
pl
aynice.
Snakes:
Cane,
youhear
dthat
?
Cane:
Say
stheguynamedaf
teraf
ucki
ngr
ept
il
e.

Ever
yonelaughed,
“What’ssofunny?
”Caneasked,I
st
rai
ghtenedmyskirtandwalkedint
otheai
rpor
t.
“Cane!Downboy !
!”ev eryoner ippedagai n,“alright,
i
t’sshowt ime. ”Isatdownatanearbycof f
eeshop
wher eIhadf ullviewofZama.Shewal kedhol dinga
wat erbot t
lefill
edwi thcucumberandl emon, I
ment all
yr oll
edmyey es, “goodev eningZama. ”She
clearedhert hr oatandst oppedi nthemi ddleoft he
busyai rport,“wow, ver ysmoot h.”Smuggi esai d
sarcasticall
y, “
Zamakeepwal king,”Iinst ructed, she
l
ookedar ound, “you’rebr ingingat tentiont oy ourself,
whatdi dIsayaboutf ear ?”shenoddedherheadand
thencont i
nuedonhercour se, “
howar ey ouf eel ing?”
Iasked, “Uhm, alri
ght …ner vousIguess. ”Thel ady
boughtmycof feeandInoddedat hanky out oher ,
“don’tbe, al
ly ouhav et odoi sjustdoy ourjob.When
thegent lemancomes, thenIwi l
l guidey out hr oughi t
ok?”shenodded, “wor dZama. ”Thi sgirl i
sdumb,
“okay .
”Shegott oherst andandst artedwor king, she
didn’tseem soner vousaf terawhi le,“you’ r
edoi ng
greatZama. ”Whatt hef ucki swr ongwi t
hSnakes, he
want stobl owourwhol ecov er,buti twasal ittl
e
funnyandIhear dSmuggi eletoutal it
t l
egi ggl e,
“don’tmi ndthem, you’redoi nggr eat.”
Icheckedtheti
meanditwasget
ti
nglat
e,“
Cane,
anythi
ng?”Il
ookedatt
heli
ne,
“nopeBossLady
.”
Snake:Gothim,j
ustenter
ed.Blackjeans,
nav
ypol
o.
He’scarr
yinganover
nightBurberr
ybag.
Cane:Gothi
m,whatar
ethose?He’
swear
ingsuede
l
oafer
s.
Pi
et:
Thosear
enotj
ustj
eans,
theyar
eski
nnyj
eans.
Snakes:
Samedi
ff
erenceofumehl
uko.
Cane:
Lookatt
hatbel
t,whatdoeshet
hinkt
hisi
s?
Snakes:
Par
isf
ashi
onweek.

Zamal etoutagi ggleandshecov ereditwitha

cough,“excusemesi r…hav eagr eathol i
day .”She
fi
xedhersmi leasshecal ledthenextt raveller,and
shegreeted.Icouldhearherv oi
ceshaki ng, “havea
sipofyourwat er.You’ r
edoi nggreat.”Isaidt oher,
shepunchedsomet hi ngintothescr een,“two
secondswhi l
et hesy stem loadssi r
.”Shesai dand
thentookasi p;shethenspoket ot hegent leman,
“sor
rymysy st
em i sjustslowt oday.
”Sher olledher
eyesandthengi ggledatwhatt hemanwassay i
ng,
she’
sanaturalatt his.IwatchedasPi etfol
lowed
Nkanyezi
towar dst heline.Hewaspr etendingt obe
onthephone,“okayZama, he’
snumber6i nt heli
ne.
Takeadeepbr eath.”Shedi dasi nst
ructed,“Smuggie,
you’
reup.
”
Smuggi
e:YesBoss!

Isatther ewat chi

ngast heeventsunf olded.Thef i
rst
girl
stoodup, shewasapol ogisi
ngt othegent l
eman
standingi nf rontofherandmov edhimt othe
count ernextt oher.Shewast ypi
ngathercomput er
andt henpi ckedupherphonewhi lesmi li
ngbutI
couldseet hef rust
rationinherey es.Nkany ezi was
nowsecondi nt heline.Theladyi nfrontofhi m went
tooneoft hecount ers;thecounterswentof fl
ineone
atat i
meunt il Zamawast heonl yonewor king.
“Zama, you’ r
eup, ”fuckcansomeoneshootSnake
forme! !Iwant edtoscr eam, Nkanyezi walkedupt o
Zama, “breat he.”Isaidt oherandsheputonasmi l
e,
butNkany ezi wasn’tsmi li
ng.Hel ookedov erhi s
shoul derandt henbackt oher ,“you’
llhav et ojust
barewi thme, thesy stem hasbeenact i
ngupt he
whol edayMr ….uhm, Mr .Sithole.”Shesai dl ooking
downathi spasspor t,“You’ re…”Ihadt ost opher
beforeshegother selfint ot rouble,“pretendt opunch
i
nsomet hingony ourcomput er
.Thent ellhimt hejet
i
sf uelledandr eadyf orhi m. ”shef li
ppedherweav e,
“IknewIr ecogni sedy ouf rom somewher e,”she
smi l
edi naf lir
tatiouswayandt ouchedhi sar m
l
eani ngi ncl oser .Hesmi ledt oo, “
yourj etisf uel l
ed
andr eadyf ort akeof f,l
etmegetsomeonet oshow
youwher etogo. ”Nkany ezi mov edawayabi t,“I
don’townaj et.”Hesai dbackt oher .“hedoesn’ t
l
eav e, t
ellhim hi sFikileSi thol ealway sfli
eswi tht he
j
etandhi sIDi sl inkedt ot hej et
.”Shepul l
edback
andl ookedatt hescr eenagai n,“l
etmesee. ”She
typedf rant i
cal l
yatt hekey boar d,“Therey ougo,
Fiki
leSi thole.Thegeti sinhername, uhm….YourI D
i
sl i
stedal ongwi thNt andoseSi t
hole.”Shel ookedat
him andsmi led, “whoi sNt andose? ”Iasked, “
Uhm…
hisdaught er.”Smuggi eanswer edmewhi l
ehewas
typi
ngonhi ssi de.“Andt heyar eback. ”Hesai dand
theladi esseemedexci ted, andt hequeuest ar ted
mov ing.Zamawav edherhand,fuckthi
sgirli
sgood.
Pietwal kedtowar dsthem i
nhisuni f
orm,“
please
foll
owmesi r.”Het ooktheBurberrybagandledthe
way .Itookthel astsipofmycof feeandstoodup
foll
owingt he,“niceworkZama! ”
Zama:
Ist
hati
t?
Snakes:ther
e’sameet
ingaft
ert
his,
giv
emey
our
contactandwe’l
lpi
ckyouup.
Me:
Snakebehav
eyour
sel
f.

Ifoll
owedatasaf edistance, andwat chedasthey
madet hei
rwayt othejet .Nkany ezil
ookedabi t
mor erel
axednow, andt hat’
sexact lyhowIwant ed
hi
m.“ WhatdoIdonow? ”Ihear dZamaaski ng,“You
fi
nishyourshif
tandgopayy ourdebt .Thentakethe
weekendof fandseey ourf amily,youdeserveit
.”
Zama:
Thanky
ouMi
ss…
Me:
MrsD-
Snakes:
It’
sBossLadyt
oyou.
Ev
ery
onechuckedasImademywayt
owar
dst
hej
et.
.
.
.
Iwalkedont ot hej etandt hel ookonNkany ezi’
sface
waspr i
cel ess.Het r
iedt ost andupandr uni nthe
opposit
edi rect i
onbutZenonst oodi nhisway ,
“Sh…shar kie?”Zenonl aughed, “Heknowsmyname,
takeaseatboy .
”Nkany ezi washesi tantbutZenon
pushedhi mi ntot heseat .Isatopposi tehim and
Zenondi sappear edagai n,Imadeament alnoteto
askhim whyhe’ scal ledShar kie.Ismi l
edat
Nkanyezi andhel ookeduneasy ,Icrossedmyl egs
andthegunf eltuncomf ortable, “
ohsor ryforgot
aboutthat .”Isai dasIunst rappedi tandputi ti
nmy
bag,hewasshi tt
ingbl ocksandhewasn’ teven
hidi
ngit.“ Don’ twor ry;I’
m notgoi ngt okillyou.”I
stoodupandwal kedt ot hebarf r
idgeandt ookouta
bottl
eofchampagne, “
youknowy ouf uckedup
ri
ght?”Iaskedhi m asIsatdownandpoppedt he
champagne, “Ilovemyhusband, andhel ov esme.
Wecan’tl
ivewit
houtt
heotherandwewi
l
lst
opat
not
hingtosavetheot
her
.”

Nkanyezididn’
tsayany thi
ng,andt henthe
announcementwasmadet obuckleup.Imadeacal l
quick,
“getthechopperr eady.
”IlookedatNkany ezi
,
“wherewerewe? ”hedi dn’
trespond, “
ohyes,Khenan
andIcan’tl
ivewi t
houteachot her.Youwere
supposedtokillusboth, t
hatiswher eyoufuckedup.
Nowy ou’r
egoingt odie.”
Nkany
ezi
:Yousai
d…
Me:Isai
dIwasn’
tgoingtokil
lyou?Don’
tworr
yI
won’
tkil
lyou,
myfri
endwilldothatwhenhecut
s
youupandputsy
ourlunginmyhusband.

Hedidn’
tsayany t
hing,andther
estofthetripwas
qui
et.WelandedinDur bananddrovetoKhenan’s
housewher ewetookachoppertoI ce’
sfarm.Thi
s
pl
aceisjustbeauti
ful;
wewentinsideandf oundt
he
boysdri
nkingbeer.“Soyouguysaredrinki
ngwhil
e
myhusbanddi es?
”
I
ce:
Wher
eishe?

Ist
eppedasideandZenondr
aggedaf
ight
ing
Nkanyezi
in,
“shal
lwe.”
I
ce:
wecan’
tdoany
thi
ngt
il
lmor
ning.
Me:
whatt
hef
uckdoy
oumean?
I
ce:
Heneedst
obeonanempt
yst
omach.
Me:
You’
ref
ucki
ngki
ddi
ngmer
ight
?
Ice:
Ishity
ounot,
thestomachcont
ainsaci
dandif
anystomachcont
entsgeti
ntothel
ungsitwi
ll
cause
massivedamage.

Itookadeepbr eathe,“Okay,butfi
rstthi
ngi nthe
mor ningweoper at
e.”IcenoddedandshowedZenon
wher et heywouldkeephi m.Iwalkedt othefridge
andgotabeer ,“howdi dyoufigureitout?”Keenan
askedme, “
Iknowt hatify
oucoul dgetal ungy ou
weren’ tgoingtotel
l me.Youwoul dhav ehadhi m on
thatoper ati
ngtablethemi nuteonewasav ail
able.
”
Hi
m:Iknewy
ou’
dgeti
t.
Me:whatar
ethechancesofhi
sbodyr
eject
ingt
he
l
ung?

I
cewalkedi
n,“
sli
mtonone…he’
l
lpul
lthr
oughj
ust
f
ine.
”
Me:
Howl
ongdoest
hepr
ocedur
etake?
I
ce:
fourhour
spl
us
Me:
CanIseehi
m?
I
ce:
Idon’
tthi
nkt
hati
sagoodi
dea.
Me:
Recov
ery
?
I
ce:
thr
eet
osi
xmont
h,butIcanhel
pspeedt
hatup.
Me:
Hel
phow?
Keenan:
Itol
dyouj
ustt
urnhi
mint
oabeastandhe’
l
l
befi
ne.

Zenonwalkedin.andweallkeptqui
et.Imade
supperandthenwesataroundthefi
rer emi
nisci
ng
aboutt hepasty ear,al othadhappened.Icoul dn’ t
believ eweal lmadei ttil
lnow.Thepastcoupl eof
year shav ebeenhect icforus.West ay edupt il
l dawn;
Icewentt oprepNkany eziwhileIshower ed.Iwent
i
ntot hebar nanddownt ot hemi nihospi t
al,myhear t
stoppedwhenIsawKhenanl y
ingont hebedwi thhis
chestst it
chedr oughly.“Thisway ,
”Keenanpul ledme
awaybef oreIbrokedown.Wewer einar oom and
Nkany ezi wastiedt othebed, “Pleasedon’ tdot his,
I’
lldoany thi
ng.I’ll
gety ouabet teror gan.”Ididn’ t
sayany thingandI cehandedmet hemaskandI
smi ledasIwal kedt owar dshim, Iplacedt hemask
onhi sfaceandwhi sper edinhisear ,“nobodyf ucks
witht heDeCost a’
s.”hekeptbl inkinghar dtryingnot
togi vei ntotheanaest heticbutf ai
leddi smallyand
wasasl eepi naf ewseconds.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Hour spastandKeenanwoul dn’tl

etmeany where
nearthe‘ war d’Iwaspaci ngupanddownt hepor ch
withaci garetteinmyhand.Il ookedatmywr ist
watch, “
sixhour sKeenan.Fuckwhati shedoi ng? ”I
walkedt ot hewal landst ar
tedhitti
ngmyf orehead
onittoar hy t
hm, nott oohard.“Herehecomes, ”
Zenonsai df i
rststandingup, “
and?”Iaskedasa
bloodyIcewal kedt owardsus.“ He’sgood, heneeds
torest.Butt hewor stisover.
”Iletoutasighofr eli
ef
andIwant edt ogiv eIceahugbutt houghttwice.A
tearroll
eddownmycheekandIqui cklywipedi t
away .Ismi ledatKeenanwhogav emear eassuring
smile.

afewhoursl ater,I
celetusseehi m.Hiswholeupper
bodywasinabandage, helookeddeadandwasst il
l
breat
hingthrought hemachi ne.I
ceexplai
nedthathe
wouldeventuallytakehim ofthemachinewhenhi s
bodygetsusedt othenewor gan.Hepredict
edthat
i
twoul dbei naweek, andaskedmef orpermissi
on
toinjecthim wit
hhissuperheali
ngformula.Iwas
veryscept i
calunti
lhetol
dmeKhenanhadt akenit
thetimet heytookdownSpha, soIhadnor easonto
disagree.

Iwasget ti
ngt ir
edofKhenannotwaki ngup; itwas
nowf i
veday saf terthesur geryandst il
lnothi
ng.He
wasn’ tbreathingonhi sownandI cekeptr unni ng
test sandsay ingev erythi
ngi salright.Iwentdown
wi t
hhi mt hi
st imeandhet ookof fKhenan’ sdr essing,
Ialmostf ainted.Thescar swer enowbar el
yv isibl
e,
“Ice? ”Iaskedhi m, myhandswer eshaki ng.“Itold
yout hiswoul dspeedupt hepr ocess. ”Ishookmy
head, “sowhyi shenotbr eathi
ngonhi sown? ”he
shr ugged, “Idon’tknowThando. ”Ibi tmyl i
psand
tappedmyf i
nger sont her ai
loft hebed, “
switchi t
of f
.”KeenanandI celookedatmel ikeIwascr azy,
“Thando. ”Iwasn’ tsmi l
ing, “
switcht hemachi neof f
.”
Thel ookedateachot herandI cewal kedov ert othe
machi neandpr essedabut t
onandt henasecond
one.Themachi nemadeaf l
atbeepi ngsoundant
therewasnoheartbeat
,“Khenan.
”Isaidsof
tl
y,I
closedmyeyesandopenedt hem agai
n,“
Thando
whathaveyoudone?”weal l
stoodtherei
nsil
ence.

Beep….Beep….Beep…t hemachi nesstart

edbeepi ng
andhi schestwasmov i
ngupanddown.“ Fuck! ”I
saidoutloudholdi
ngont omypoundi ngchest.
“Khenan,youbastard!”Keenansai d,alsolooking
rel
ievedandchuckled.Hel ayt herej
uststill
,buthe
wasbr eathi
ngandt hat’
sallthatmademehappy .I
ce
wentov ertocheckhim andconf i
rmedt hathewas
fi
ne;wej usthadtowai tf
orhi mt oregain
consciousness.I
cehadnoex planat
ionast owhyhe
wasn’tfull
yawakebutsai dlet’sgivehim adayand
then‘he’
dwakehi m up.’Idon’ tknowwhathemeant
bythatbutifIwouldgetmyhusbandbackt henI
wantedhi mtodoi t
.

Istay
edi nt
heroom wit
hKhenanti
ll
midnightand
Icewalkedi
n,“
getsomer est
,we’
l
lcheckonhimf i
rst
thi
nginthemorning.
”
Me:
Whati
fhewakesupandI
’
m nother
e.
I
ce:Thepl
acehassensor
sandwe’
l
lbenot
if
iedt
he
minut
ehedoes.Comenow.

Il
etoutasighandgotup; IkissedKhenan’slipsand
walkedouttheroom.Wepassedanot herroom and
Nkanyeziwassleepinginthebedwi thallthe
machinesconnectedt ohim.Istopped,“Thando,
we’l
ldealwi
thhiml ater.
”Irubbedmynose, “wil
lhe
l
iv
e? ”
I
ce:
Doy
ouwanthi
mto?
Me:
I’
m notsur
e.
I
ce:HowaboutweletKhenandeci
deandt
henwe
wi
ll
takei
tfr
om ther
e.

Ididn’
tanswer
.Wegott ot hemai nhouseandZenon
hadcooked,nobodywant edtoeatwi t
houtmethere
sowesetupout si
debyt hefire.Idon’
tknowwhy
theymadeaf i
rebecauseDur banishotbutIwent
withit
.Icewal
kedtomeandhandedmeat abl
et,
“youcanwat
chhimfrom t
here.
”Igav
ehi
m asmi
l
e
andwesateati
nganddri
nking.
Iwokeupi nbedwi thKeenanshaki ngme, “he’sup..
.
comenow. ”Ilookedaroundt her oom, “
how. ..
”he
shookhi shead, “
yourhusbandi sawakeandy oust i
ll
havet imef orstupidquestions? ”Isatupandt he
tabletwasnextt ome.Il ookedandsawI cetalking
toKhenanandhewasr espondi ngandt het ears
fi
ll
edmyey es.Keenansatdown, “youwi llnotdo
that,hecamebackf oryou, becauseofy ou.He
needsy out obest r
ong,nowbr ushy ourt eethcoz
yourbr eat hsmel lsli
keshitandgety ourselfdown
there.”Ilaughedandpunchedhi m playf
ul l
y,I
brushedmyt eethwiththeseal edt oothbrushIf ound
i
nt hebat hr oom andwashedmyf acebef oreheading
downt ot hebar n.

Iwalkedi
nandhesmi l
ed,goshthoseperfectwhite
teet
h,mymanwasawake.Ismi l
edbackbef ore
walki
ngovertohim,“
nextti
meI ’
l
ljustl
etyoudi e.
”
Helaughedabitbutt
henhisfacechanged,“takeit
easybuddy.
”Icesai
dtohim,butIcouldn’
thelpbut
l
augh, “Youguy scanl eavenow. ”Hesai dinahoar se
voi
ce, theguy slaughedandheadedout .Istoodnext
tothebedl ookingdownathi m,“hi
.”Isaidwi t
ha
smileandaf ewt earsroll
eddownandIwi pedt hem
away ,“hell
omybeaut i
fulwi f
e..
.”hedidn’tsay
anythingaf terthatandnei therdidI,wesati na
comf ortabl
esi l
encebef orehespoke.“ Thanky ou,”
hesai dandsqueezedmyhand.“ YouknowIcan’ t
l
ivewi thouty our i
ght?”andhej ustrespondedwi tha
nod.

Aweekl aterIceletKhenanleave, hewasdoi ngokay

andt hatisall t
hankst otheexperi
ment all
y
medi cat
ionI cewasgi v i
nghim.Honest lyIwasn’
t
compl ai
ning, Ihadmymanbackandwewer egoi
ng
tobeaper fectfamily.WeleftNkany eziatthebar
n
hospitalandweheadedbackt oCapeTown.Khenan
wasst il
linabi tofpain,butonlyoncei nawhi l
eand
allhewant edt odowasseehi schi l
dren.Abebi
boughtt hem homet woday safterourreturnand
theywer ejustasex citedtoseehim.If eelli
keAkoni
hasgr ownsomuchbutKhenansay sit’
sbecauseI
hav
en’
tseenhi
minaf
ewweeks.
Lakhi
wet hankedme; Iwasabitshockedastohow
heknowswhat ’
sgoingon.Iwasn’tgoi
ngtoquest
ion
hi
mt hough;Ilethi
m enjoyhi
sfather’
sheal
th.

It
’sbeenamont handKhenani snowper fect,he
feelsl
ifei stooshor tafterhissecondneardeat h
experience.“ Ithinkt hi
swi l
l begoodf ortheki ds.”I
roll
edmyey esasIchangedAkoni ’snappy .“Babyt he
kidshav en’tbeeni nschool f oraf ullmont handy ou
wantt otaket hem hal fwayacr osst hewor ldfory our
ownsel fishr easons. ”Heputt hel aptopasi deand
gotupt ost andbehi ndme, If eltthebul gei nhis
boxers,“baby ,notagai n.I’
mt ired.”Isaidf i
nishingup
withmybaby ;Ipi ckedhi m upandpl acedhi mi nhi s
cot.Iwat chedhi m awhi leashewassucki ngaway
athisclenchedf i
st.Hisey eswer edr oppingand
Khenanwasbehi ndmeagai n, “justfivemi nutes.”He
whisperedbef oreki ssingmyneck, Ifelttheairleave
myl ungsandmyhear tskipnumer ousbeat sbutI
couldn’t,mypeachwasbur ningandhedi dn’t
understand.Ineededt otellIcet ogethi m offthis
treatmentandf ast ;het urnedmear oundandt ook
myhandt ohi sswol lenshaf t
.Itwashar d,andas
sor easi maybei stil
lwant edhim.“ Notinfrontof
thebaby .
”Hegav emeanaught ysmi l
eandpi cked
meupi noneswi f tmov ementt hencar ri
edmet othe
closestwhi lesucki ngonmyneck.Myneckwas
alreadyf ullofr dmar ksandt herewasnost oppi ng
him now, fivemi nut esturnedi nto45mi nutesandI
coul dn’
tf eel myl egs.Khenanl aughedatme, “
I’m
glady ouf indi tfunny ,nosexf ory ouforther estof
they ear.”Ipout ed, hepi ckedmeupandpl acedme
ont het oiletseatwhi lerunni ngthewat er,“
Mr sDe
Cost a,thatpussyi smi ne...Iowni t!
”Icouldn’thel p
butbl ush.Hewal kedar oundget tingthebat hoi l
s
andhi smemberwasst i
llhalferectbuthewasn’ t
get t
inganyoft his.Af t
erourbat hwef inall
yret ir
edto
bedandhel etmesl eep, hedi dn’twantmei nmy
py j
amasandhel dmecl osef rom behindunt i
l Ifell
asleep.
.
.
.
.
Khenanl etmesleepi
nbutIj umpedoutofbedwhen
ireal
isedthesunwasup.Ibr ushedmyt eet
handran
downst ai
rswhil
etyi
ngmyr obe, “.
..butdaddywont
webur nifthesunist
hathot? ”Istoppedbefore
enter
ingandKhenanl aughed,“j
ustal i
tt
lebit
,you’
l
l
turnblackli
keyourbr
others.
”
Khany
i:Idon’
twantt
obebl
ack!
Zee:
Met
oo.
Tee:
Evenme.
..Lakhi
wei
sugl
ybl
ack.

Itri
edtoholdmyl aughin,“andy ou’
l
lseewhowi ll
carryyouupt hest ai
rswheny oufal
lasl
eeponthe
couch.”Lakhiwer etal
iat
ed,Khenanhadt ostopthem,
“ok,nobodyist ur
ningblack.Hav eyouseenanyone
from Austr
ali
awhoi sblacklikeLakhiwe?Nope,so
youhav enothingt oworryabout .
”
Khany
i:Butdady
ou’
remor
ebl
acker
.
Khenan:
Whor
aisedy
ou?Whatki
ndofl
anguagei
s
that
?
Lakhi
we:Serv
esyour
ight
,sowhenar
ewegoi
ngsoi
cantel
lLondy?
Khenan:onFr
iday
,andit
’saf
ami
l
ytr
ip.Soy
our
gi
rl
fri
enddoesn’
tgett
ocome.
Lakhi
we:
She’
snotmygi
rl
fr
iend.

“Lakhi gotagi r
lf
ri
end, ”thegirl
sstartedsingingand
teasinghi m.Isteppedi nandclearedmyt hroat.
Everyonekeptqui etandl ookedatme; everyonewas
dressedf orschool andsitti
ngaroundt hekitchen
table.Theki t
chenwasf il
thyandmybabyboywasi n
thest rol
lernexttoKhany i,“
morningsunshi ne, i
thoughty ou’r
est i
llsleeping.”Khenansai dand
walkedt owar dsmewi thacupofcof fee,heki ssed
mel ips,“Eeuw!!”theki dsscreamed, andIpul l
edmy
tongueandsatdown.“ Mom wear egoi ngto
aust r
alee.”Teesai d,“I
si t
?Whenar eyougoi ng? ”
everyonel ookedatKhenan.Haha, hehadn’ tfi
nalised
i
twi thmeandhel ookedgui l
ty,
“okayf untimei s
overgogety ourbagsandmeetmei nt hecari n3
minut es.”Heshout edashehel pedTeeandZeeof f
thechai rsandt heyall scatteredout .“Howdi dyou
sleep?”heaskedwhi leav oidingey econtactand
cleari
ngt het able,
“Fridayuhm? ”hestoodbyt hesi
nk
andl ookedatme, “t
heywer ebeggi ngme. ”Iputmy
handup, “don’teven,you’repacki ngmybags.Andi f
your efusey ou’r
ebuy ingmenewcl otheswhenwe
getther e.
”Hesmi ledandgotapl at
eoutt hewar mer
andbr oughti ttome, “Ilov ey ou,l
etmegett hese
kidstoschool andI ’
llbebackt oshowy oujusthow
muchIl ovey ou.”Het ookof fhisapronandki ssed
mycheek.“ Nothappeni ngbuddy .”
.
.
.
.
.
Austr
aliawassuchagor geouscount ry,Khenanhad
bookedbeachhouseandt heki dslovedit.Akoniwas
abitrestl
essbecauseoftheheat ;
Ilefthimi nhi
s
nappyont hebl
anket.Icouldn’tgooutt ot hebeach,
soIwat chedt
hem from afar.Theywer eplayi
ng
aroundi nt hewat erwithLakhi weandLondy
wat chingt hem, Khenanal l
owedhert ocomewi th
becausehewasgoi ngt obebor edwi ththey ounger
kids.Khenancameoutwi thaf reshj arofl emonade,
“I’
llj
ustbewi ththem f oraf ewmi nutesandI ’
llbe
ri
ghtback. ”Ilookedupathi m, “takey ourt ime, I
’m
good. ”Heki ssedmyf oreheadandwal keddownt he
stairsandont othesand, “baby ,y ourphone. ”He
turnedt olookatme, “whoi sit?”Ishr ugged, “the
numberi sn’tsaved. ”Her olledhi sey esandl ooked
backatt hekids, “answerqui ckly.”Andhegav emea
l
ookwhi chmeanthedi dn’thav et imet owast e,
“Khenan’ sphonehel l
o.”Irolledmyey esathi m;
“Hello..
.”theper sondi dn’tspeak. ..“
Not hando. ..
”my
hear tstoppedbeat ingandt hephonesl i
ppedoutof
myhand.“ Baby .
..Thando? ”Ihear dKhenancal li
ng
mynamebutIcoul dn’trespond.Iwasf indingi thard
tobr eathandt henIwasl ight sout .
[
11/23,18:
36]Lynne:IknowIsai
dIwouldpostwhen
wegetto1100l i
kesbutinal
lhonest
yIdidn’
tthi
nki
t
wouldhappenthatfast
,Iwantpr
epared.
SNAZOOMUHLEMATHANDABUZOt hankyouvery
muchforshar
ingandbr
ingi
ngnewr
eaders,
you’
rea
dar
l!

Thi
sisr
eal
l
ythel
astepi
sode…f
orr
eal
!

ENJOY!
!!

*
***Khenan

Thandocoll
apsedont heground, f
uckshewas
havi
ngoneofherepi sodes.Icall
edLakhi
weandhe
camer unni
ng,“whathappened?”heaskedmewi t
h
hi
sey esout,Ishr
uggedandpi ckedThandoup.“
I
don’tknowbutIneedy outogett hegi rl
sinsideand
youhav etowat chy ourlit
tl
ebr otherokay ?”he
noddedandshout edf orhissisterst ogetback
i
nside,IputThandoont hecouchbecauseI
remember edwedi dn’thaveacarher e.Icall
edone
oftheemer gencynumber st hatwer eprov i
dedforus
whenwear r
ivedatt hehouse.If eltherpul seand
shewasbr eathingf i
nebutshewasj ustpassedout ,
Igrabbedagl assofwat erandspr i
nkledi tonher
faceusingmyf i
ngersbutshedi dn’ twakeup.The
doctorwasont hewayandIpi ckedupmyphone
anddialedthenumberagai nbuti twasdi sconnect
ed.
Whoev ercall
eddi dn’twantt obet raced.

Af t
erabout10minutestherewasaknockatt he
doorandthenthebellr
ang, Ij
umpedupandopened.
Igreet
edthedoctorwhodi dn’
tlookany
thi
ngol der
than30,hewasinshortsandcar ri
edhi
smedical
bag.Ishookhi
shandandexpl ai
nedwhathappened
aswewal kedt owar dswher eThandowas.He
exami nedherandsai dshewasf ineandt hent ook
outasmal lv i
al,“andt hat?”Iasked.Hel ookedupat
me, “smel l
ingsal ts,itwi l
lwakeherup. ”Idi dn’tsay
any t
hing,Ij ustf oldedmyar msandwat chedhi m
opent hesmal lbot tl
eandmov eitcl osert ohernose
andt henhepul ledi tawayqui cklyandt henr epeat ed
onel asttime.Thandogaspf orair, shel ookedatt he
doctorconf used.Heey esscannedt her oom and
l
andedonmebef or esher elaxed, “heybaby .
”Isai d
andshet riedt osi tup, “
easy .”Thedoct orsai d,“He’s
adoct or,rel ax.
”Sheseemedt or elaxandl ethim
exami neheronel astt ime.Shewasst il
l looking
aroundt her oom, “t
heyar eupst airsdon’ twor ry.”She
stil
ll
ookeduneasy ;Iwal kedt hedoct oroutandsai d
hewi llbebackt omor rowj ustt ocheckhowshei s.I
rushedbackt oher ,“hey ,youscar edme. ”Isai d
putti
ngheronmyl ap, sher est edherheadonmy
chestandherbr eat hingwasabi tof f,Ipul ledherof f
andmadehersi tont hecouchandIknel tdowni n
frontofher .“What ’
swr ong? ”shel etoutasi gh,
“wher eishe? ”Ismi led,“Lakhi wet ookhi m upst airs.
He’sst i
llsleepi nghedi dn’
tseewhathappened. ”She
hadaconf usedl ookonherf ace, “Dumi ?”nowIwas
confusedandshemusthav epi ckedi tup, “hecal led
ri
ght?”Whatt hehel l?Ipul l
edheri ntoahug, “
y ou
needt or est.
”Shepul l
edawayf rom me, “hecal l
ed
ony ourphone. ”Shewasnowt ear ingup, “I’m not
crazyKhenan. ”It ookadeepbr eat handl etitout
slowly, “Iknowy ou’renotcr azybaby .”Tear sf i
lled
herey es, “tel
lmey oubel ieveme, Dumi isal i
ve…t hat
meansNanai sal i
v etoo.”Iscr at chedmynose, “I
beli
ev ey oubaby .”Ihuggedher , “l
et ’
sgety ousome
restandI ’l
ltr
ygett othebot tom oft hi sokay ?”she
noddedandIpi ckedherup.Iwal kedpassoneoft he
roomsandal lt
heki dswer et her e.Theyspot t
edme
andf ollowedmet oourr oom, Ipl acedThandoon
thebedandt hegi r
lsgotont ooandcuddl edwi t
h
her..
.Iki ssedherf orehead, “ Akoni isint hecr ib,
shouti fy ouneedany thi
ng. ”Iwal keddownst airs
scratchingmyheadwi thLakhi weandLondi
foll
owi ngme, “isshegoi ngt obeokay ?”heasked
me.Inoddedandwal kedi ntot heki tchen, “I’
llstart
onsupperand- ”Lakhi wei nt errupt edme, “Grandpa
Dumi i
sal i
ve?”Thi sbodyi st oosmar tforhi sown
good, “honest lyIdon’ tknowbuddy .”Andt hatwas
thehonesttruth,Ididn’tknow.“Iassumeyouhave
somecal lst
omake, LondiandIwillsor
toutt
he
cooki
ng. ”Ij
uststoodt her
e,whodoeshet hi
nkheis?
“Wellgetonwi thitalreadydad,youknowmom will
wantanswer swhensheget sup.”Ishookmyhead
andwal kedoutt ofi
ndoutwhatt hefuckwas
happening…

*
***
**

“Oneweek?Hehe…”Isai
dsteal
i
ngaglanceather
andthenbacktot
heroad,“
youdeser
vedit!
”I
chuckl
ed,“
thebul
l
etyouputinmewasn’tenough?
”
shegi ggledandt ookasi pfrom hergl ass, “t
here
wasn’ tababyi nv olvedbackt hen.”Shel aughed
agai nandbr ushedmybear d,“weneedt ot akecar e
oft his.”Igav eherasi desmi leandsheki ssedmy
cheekandt henmyneck, “Nana, I’
m driving. ”She
roll
edherey es, “so? ”Shepl acedawetki ssand
suckedonmyneck, “ungay i
qal i
intoongeke
uyiqede. ”(Don’ tst ar tsomet hingy ouwon’ tf i
nish.)
Shepul ledbackandsati nherbacki nherseat ,my
memberwasst andi ngandIwant edherr ightthere
andt hen.Ipl acedmyhandonhert hi
ghandr ubbed
i
t,pul li
ngherdr essupsl ightl
ywi thmyey esst il
lon
ther oad.“ Ithoughty outoldmet obehav eDumi .
”
ShesmackedmyhandandIpul ledaway , butshe
placedher sonmi neandr ubbedupt omycock, “oh,
l
ookwho’ sup. ”Il etoutadeepsi ghandcl earedmy
throat ,“babyy ou’ reki l
li
ngme.I ’
llfucky ousohar d
youwon’ tbeabl et owal ktomor r
ow. ”Butt hatdidn’t
stopher ,Ipul l
edov ert othesi deoft her oad, “Dumi s
-”shedi dn’tev enf inishsay i
ngmynameandIpul led
herbyt heneckandki ssedherpassi onat elyand
afterawhi l
eIev entual l
ypulledaway .“Youwi ll
behav eunt ilwegethomeorel seIwi l
lbendy ouov er
thi
sbonnetandf uckyouont hisbusyst r
eet.She
swallowedhersal i
vaandt ookasi pofherdr i
nk,“
I
thoughtso. ”Ist
art
edthecaragai nandmadeour
wayhome.Shewasnowsul king,butIknewi twas
allanact..
.whenwest oppedatt her obotIpull
edher
i
nf oranotherkissunt
ilthecarsbehinduswer e
honking,Iletgoofherandmov eforward…outof
nowher etherewerebrightli
ghtsheadingt oourcar,
“DUMI !
!”

Thatwast helastIhear d,afterawhi l

eIopenedmy
eyes.Therewer elightsf l
ashi ngandt hev oiceoft he
carwasspeaki ngbutIcoul dn’thearany thing.I
l
ookedar oundandwewer esandwi chedbet weena
tr
eeandwhatappear edt obeat r
uck…t hedr i
ver
wasn’tintheseat ,
Iqui cklylookedatNanaandshe
wasbl eedi
ngfrom hernose, mout handear .“
No,
baby.”Ifel
therpul se,i
twast oofaint.Shehada
pieceofmet alstuckinher ,from onesi deandi twas
protr
udingontot hesideIwason, “Baby …pl ease.”
Shewasn’ tmov i
ng, Ishookmyheadandt hent he
soundscame, itwassi rensandpeopl escreami ng.I
don’ tthi
nkt heycoul dseeusbecauset herewas
smokeev er ywher e.Igatheredmy selfandr eached
fort hecompar tmentundermyseat ,Igotan
i
nj ecti
onandi njectedmywi fe.Isentaqui cktextand
thenpoppedt hepi l
lbeforeput t
ingev ery
thingback.I
kissedhercheek, “I
’l
lcomebackf ory ouaf t
erIf i
nd
outwhodi dthis.”Isatbacki nmyseatandr elaxed
whi l
et hepilldiditswor k,Icouldhearshuf fli
ngand
peopl etalkingar oundmeandsoonaf terthatmy
sensesst oppedwor kingandIwas‘ dead.’

.
Iwasi namov i
ngv ehicleandIopenedmyey esthen
shutthem agai n.Iswal lowedhar dandt henopened
thenagain;Iwasmetwi thaf amili
arface, “welcome
tothelandoft helivi
ng.”If orcedasmi l
easshe
helpedmesi tup, “
youl ookl ikeshit.”Shel aughed
andhandedmeabot tl
eofwat er,“
howl ong? ”I
asked,“Almostt woday s. ”ShehandedmeaKFC
brownbag, “y ouneedt oeat .”Ilookedather ,“y
ou
knowIdon’ teatt hisshi t.
”Shechuckl edandt hen
l
ookedoutt hewi ndow, “sowhatwi lli
tbeDumi ?
We’ r
espoiltforchoi ce.”Il ookedoutt hewi ndowand
allIcoul
dseewasdeser t,“yout hinky ou’r
ef unny?”I
askedher ,
“wel lfunniert hany ou, t
hat’sagi ven.”She
punchedmepl ayful
ly…Iopenedupt hepackedand
tookoutthef oodandt henl ookedupather .Her
facesuddenl ychanged, “I’m sor rybrother.”Iletouta
sighandst artedeat i
ng, If eltbet t
eraswedr ove
throughthedeser ttomysecr etlai
r.
Smai nsist
edIrestf orther
estoftheni
ghtandI
wouldstartworkingt omorr
owandIl i
stenedtoher.I
wasexhaust ed.Ilayinbedthi
nkingaboutthe
conversati
onIhadwi thmywifeandIcriedmyselfto
sl
eep.

Iwaswokenupbyaknock, “morning.
”Smawal ked
i
ntomyr oom wit
hfood, “
yourdadcall
edandhesai d
don’
tdoanythi
ngstupid.”Ir
oll
edmyey esather,
“whyi
shest i
llal
i
ve?”Isaidandshechuckl ed,“
I
don’
tknowandIdon’ tcare,
he’syourfather.
”

Me:Sayt
hati
nfr
ontofhi
m andwe’
l
lseehowhe’
l
l
r
eact.

Sma:Li
tt
lel
ady,I
’m st
il
lyourfat
herandIwi
l
lgi
ve
youonehel
lofanasswhi ppi
ng…
Ichuckl
edasshei
mit
ateddad,
“andy
ouknowhe
sti
ll
can.”

Sma:AndhedidwhenIwas25,whydoy
out
hinkI
l
eftt
hecount
ryforawhol
ecent
ury.

Me:
Don’
tli
e.

Sma:
Iswear
.

Me:
Why
?

Sma:
Hef
oundoutaboutKar
abo.

Me:
Youdeser
vedi
t.

Sma:shutupandeat
,theteam wil
lbeher
einan
hour
.We’remeet
ingi
nt hedungeonwhentheyget
her
e.

*
***
**Khenan

Isatoutsidecal
lingIceandKeenan; Ineededtof i
nd
outwhohadcal ledme.Ir equestedanaut opsyform
thehospital
;l
uckilyIhadaf r
iendwhocoul dhelp
withthat.Theplanwast ostayher eforafewmor e
daysandonl yheadbackwhenweknowwhati s
happening.Icouldn’
tdomuchsi nceIwasi nanother
countryandIwant edthekidstost i
ll
enjoythetri
p.
Thandowokeupandwehadsupperwi t
ht heki ds,
shedi dn’ teatmuchandLakhi weseemedt o
under stand.Ituckedt heki dsinandt henf oundher
freshf rom theshoweri nhert owel, “
hey,howar eyou
feeli
ng? ”shejustshr ugged.“ Theguy sarel ooki ng
i
nt oit,I’vemanagedt ospeakt oourpi l
otandwear e
l
eav ingi ntwoday st i
me. ”Shesmi ledfaintly,
“thanks. ”Wasal lshemanagedt osay ,
Isighed, “l
et
meshowerandI ’
llber ightbackokay ?”shenodded
andIt ookashowerandt hengoti ntobednaked.I t
wast oohotandshewasnakedt ooandj ustunder
thesheet .Ther estoft hebeddi ngwasj ustt hrown
ont hef loor.Ipulledhert owar dsme, “we’regoi ngt o
gett ot hebot t
om oft hisokay ?”shenoddedandI
kissedherl i
psandsher esponded.Shecl imbedon
topofme, “baby ?”Iquest ioned, “sssh.”Wasal l she
saidasshewasgr indingont hel engthofmyshaf t
,
herjui ceslubricatedmeandt henshel if
tedherbut t
upandposi ti
onedmeatheropeni ngandt henshe
slidall t
hewaydownmymanhood.Shedi dn’tmov e
andl etoutabr eat hasi fshewashol di
ngi tinf or
hour sbef oreshest artedwor kingonmewi t
hbot h
herhandsonmychest .If eltmy selfbuil
dupbutI
want edthi
stolast
,sheneededi tsoIfl
i
ppedusov er
.
ShewasonherbackandIwasst i
ll
insi
deher.I
kissedherneckandshesniffed,Ili
ft
edmybodyup
from herandshehadtearsroll
ingdownherey es,
“baby ?
”Iaskedandsheshookherhead, “
don’
t
stop.”

Ileaneddownandki ssedherbef oremov ingagai n,

wespentt hewhol enightmaki ngl ovesl owl y
.She
passedout ,andIgotupf rom t hebedandgota
towel tocleanusup.Iki ssedherf oreheadandt hen
wentt othedoor ,Ineededsomewat er.If ound
Lakhi weont heki tchencount erwi thhisl aptop,
“fi
nal l
y .
”Hesai dr olli
nghisey es, Ii
gnor edhi m and
wal kedt ot hef ridgeandgotabot t
leofwat er,Itook
al ongsi pbef oret urni
ngar oundt of acehi m.If roze,
“Lakhi wear ey out esti
ngmer ightnow? ”Iwas
refer r
ingtot heempt ybeerbot tlethatwassi tt
ing
nextt ohi slapt op.“ Dadchi l
lIgoogl edi t
, there’
sonl y
4%al cohol int his.It
’sbasicall
ywat er.
”I’m goi ngt o
kil
l thisboyt oday ,“welli
not hernews. ”Hesay s
turningt hel apt opar ound,“theguywho‘ kill
ed’
grandmaandgr andpawasbur nttodeath.”Hemade
i
nv i
siblequot at
ionmar kswhenhesai d‘kil
led’andI
steppedcl osertot helaptop.Ilookedatt heimages,
“howdi dy ouf i
ndt hi
s?”Iaskedhi m, andhe
shrugged, “mom t aughtme. ”Hesai dconf i
dent l
y,
“bull
shit,
y ourmot herdoesn’ tknowhowt odoal l
thi
s
shit
.”Her olledhisey es,“uncleKeenanandI ce.”He
fi
nall
ysai d,“andtheyt aughty ouhowt odrinkbeer
too?”heshookhi shead, “
thatwasDumi andZenon.”
Iscratchedmybushyey ebrows, “
theyarey our
grandfathers.”

Lakhi
we: Yes,
andt
hosear
ethei
rnames.Soy
ou
thi
nkgranddadDdi
dit?

Me:
got
obed.

Lakhi
we:
I’
mtr
yingt
ohel
p.

Me:
Thi
sisgr
ownupst
uff
.
Lakhi
we:
Thati
nvol
vesmyf
ami
l
y.

Me:Idon’
thaveti
mef ort
his;
Iseet
hatbeeri
s
get
ti
ngtoyourhead.Getoutofmyface.

Lakhi
we:
Butdad.

Me:You’
reamannow?Justbecauseyouhadone
beery
outhi
nkyoucant
alkt
omeany how?

Hedidn’tsayanything,
hegotof fhisseat,“t
he
l
aptopst ay
s.”Isayashet ri
edtopul l
itaway ,herol
ls
hi
seyesandwal ksout,“I
’
llbeattheshitoutofy ou.
”
Heturnsaround, “
mom woul dn’tl
etyou.”Godsav e
me,Itakeast epforwardandher unst ohisroom.I
getmycel lphoneandcallKeenan, “
brother.
”
Me: Don’
tbr
otherme,
yout
aughtmysonhowt
o
hack?

Keenan:
Me?Nev
er.

IhearIcelaughi
ngi nthebackground,“Youtwoar
e
dead.”Keenantriestoutteranapology,“
savei
t,
Dumisanikill
edthedr i
verofthetr
uck.”Keenan
didn’
tsayany t
hing,“catgotyourtongue?”

I
ce:
Howdoy
ouknow?

Me:Mysont
oldme,
soy
ouguy
steachhi
m st
uffy
ou
can’
tdo.

I
ce:
When?
Me:
afewday
sago.Hebur
nthi
shouset
oashes.

I
ce:
That
’snotdi
gger
’sst
yle.

Me:
Wel
l
?

I
ce:
Idon’
tknow.

Me:
We’ l
lbet
her
einaf
ewday
s;we’
rel
eav
ingi
nthe
mor
ning.

Iendedthecallwit
htheseidi
otsbeforeIgetangry
,
hacki
ngandbeer ?Whatelsehav et
heygot t
enmy
sonint
o?Iwal kbackupstair
sandgopass
Lakhi
we’sroom, onl
ytofi
ndthem sitt
ingont he
couchwatchingmov i
es,“
andt hen?
”theylookupat
me,
“wecoul
dn’
tsl
eep.
”

Me:andwhatdi
dyourmom sayabouty
ouguy
s
al
wayshavi
ngthedooropen?

Londi
:Sor
ry.

Me:I
fyouguyswanttowatchamovietheny oucan
wat
chinthel
ounge,orgetbackt
oyourrespecti
ve
r
ooms.

Theystandupandwal koutthedoor, butIgrab

Lakhiweandpul lhim backintotheroom.Ipi nhim
onthewal landlowermy sel
ftohisface; t
hisboyis
growingprettyt
all.“
Iam st i
l
lyourfather,yourespect
mei nmyhouse. ”Her ollshi
seyes,“Iwi l
lri
pthose
outandy ourmom won’ tsayanythi
ngabouti t.
”He
start
sbr eathingheavyandIst andupst r
aight,“don’t
testmeboy ,Iboughtyouintot hi
swor ldandIwi ll
takeyououtofi t.
”Ipathi
sheadandopenedt he
doorandt ur ntolookathim, “
andi fyout hi
nkabout
touchingt hatgi r
latyourage,sohel py ouGod. ”I
chuckleandwal ktomywi fe.IswearIhearhi ml et
outabr eathwhenI ’
m cl
oset omybedr oom door .I
l
aught omy self
,Thandolif
tsherhead, “i
sev erything
okay?”Inodandt akeoffmypant sandgeti nnextt o
her.Iplaceheronmychest ,“we’regoinghome
tomorrow. ”Shel i
ft
sherheadup, “youfoundt hem? ”I
nod,“okayki ndof,wehav eal ead.SleepandI ’l
l tell
youall abouti ttomorrowont heway .
”Sher estsher
headonmychestandshesoonf al
lsbackt osleep.I
havesomuchr unningthr
oughmyheadandIcannot
seem t osl eep.

.
.

Wedon’ tev enpack, andweheadt otheai rport.Ihad

bookedt hepl acef oramont hsowecanal ways
comebackl aterf orev erything.Thepl anwasf ort he
kidstogobackandt henThandoandIcanspenda
l
ittl
etimeal one.ButnowDumi i
scausi nghav ocso
wehav et ogoback, Icei nfor medmet hatt herewas
mor e.Thedoct orthatoper atedhiswi fehasal so
gonemi ssing.Thet ripwasl ongandt hegirls
couldn’tst opt alki
ngabouthowt heywer enotbl ack
l
ikeLakhi we. .
.Lakhi wewaskeepi nghi sdistance
from Londi andIl aughedev eryt
imeIl ookedov erat
them, “
wantt oshar ethej oke? ”Ilookedupand
Thandowasl ooki ngst raightatme.Icl earedmy
throat,
“not hingbaby .”Shehel dherst are,“okay ,your
sont hi
nkshe’ sanadul t..
.lastnightIshowedhi m
thathewasn’ tandnowhei sactingliket heboyhe
i
s. ”
Thando:
Baby
,whatdi
dyoudo?

Me:Ij
ustdr
ewt
hel
i
neandmadesur
ehewoul
dn’
t
cr
ossit
.

Hejustrol
l
edherey
esatmeandpoutedbef
ore
r
eturni
ngtoherf
oodmagazi
neandchampagne.

*
***
***
*Thando

Khenanshookmesl i
ght
ly,Il
ookedoutandIcoul
d
seeS.A.“
we’r
eabouttolandbaby.”Ismi
leathi
m as
hewakesthekidsandbucklesevery
onewit
h
Lakhi
we’shelp.Theyar
est
il
l awkwar
dbutIpay
them nomind,I’
l
lfi
ndoutl
ater.

Welandedandheadedhome; Khenantookashower
andsaidhewasgoi ngtomeetupwi ththeguy s.I
wastir
edsoIbat hedthekidsandt hegirl
sallslept
wit
hmeaf t
ersupper.Idon’
tknowwhybutIwas
wokenupbyabaddr eam involv
ingmyf atherand
mother.Idi
aledKhenan,“whereareyou? ”

Khenan:
We’
rei
ntheci
nema.

Me:
Ok.

Thegirl
swer eal
l sl
eepingandIcheckedonLondi i
n
thespareroom andLakhi weinhis.Ever
yonewas
fastasl
eep.Iwentdownt otheci
nemaandev eryone
wasont heirl
aptops,Isatdown.Nobodyspoket o
meunt i
lKhenancamet ositbyme, “what’
sgoing
on?”hesighed,“we’r
et r
yingtofi
ndy ourfat
her.
”
Me:
AndNana?

Hi
m:Sher
eal
l
ydi
dn’
tmakei
t.

Me:
But
?How?

Hi
m:Wearen’
tsur
eyet,
butseemsast
houghDumi
mayhav
efakedhi
sdeath.

Me:
Khenanhowcanhef
akeanacci
dent
?

Hescrat
chedhi
shead,
“Ispoket
oSi
mphi
we,
andhe
di
dit
.”
Him:Babe,wear
en’
tsure,
butonet
hingweknowf
or
surei
sthathei
sali
ve.

Me:
Howcany
ouknowf
orsur
e?

Hel ookedupatKeenanwhoshowedSi mphi we’s

houseal lli
tup, andsomet hingaboutami ssing
doctor,thenKal isabeingki dnappedatt heai rportin
Jamai ca.Ilookedatal l ofthem, “yout hinkhei s
doingall oft hi
s?”theroom wentsi lent,“Wel l
?”I
askedi nashout .“Yesbaby ,butwej ustdon’ tknow
wher ehei s.”Khenansai dscratchinghi shead, “are
theydead? ”Iasked, “
Hewoul dneedmanyhandst o
helpdigupsomanygr aves.”Igavehi m aconf used
l
ook, “di
gger …comeonThando, hav eyounothear d
thestories? ”Ishakemyhead, “hehast hislarge
pieceofest atethatnobodyknowsabout ,andint he
backy ardhebur iesallhisvicti
msal i
ve.”
Me:Howdoy
ouknowabouti
tifnobodyknows
abouti
t?

Keenan:
it’
str
ueThando.

Istandupandwal koutwi thKhenanonmyheel ,

“baby…wai t.
”Ist opandt ur ntof acehim, “we’l
lfi
nd
him.”Ir ol
lmyey es, “
how? ”hescr at
cheshi shead,
“tel
lev ery
onewel eavefirstthinginthemor ning.Get
someonet of i
ndt hegirl
s.”Hel ooksatmeconf used,
“doy ouwanthi mt okil
lyourmot her?”heshr ugs,
“doeshehav ear easont o? ”heasks, fuck.Ihadn’t
toldhim ev er
yt hi
ngt hathappenedwi t
hKal isa,“j
ust
getev eryoner eadyi nthemor ning,someonemust
staywi ththeki ds.”Iturnandwal kupt hest air
s.Iget
tother oom andmakeacal l,“
Thando. ”
Me:
Youknewdi
dn’
tyou?

Sma:
Ukhul
umangani
pumpki
n?

Me:
Pleasedon’
tpat
roni
zeme.

Sma:
Thando…pl
ease.

Icutthecal l
andst ar
tpacking,
hecan’tki
llt
hem.
Thiswasmyf i
ghtandIsti
llhavetowatchthem
sufferforthepaintheycausedme.“Thejetwillbe
readyin3hour .”Il
ookupandseeKhenanst anding
andwat chingmepack, “t
hanks.”Hemov estothe
chair,“
mi ndtel
li
ngmewhati sgoi
ngon? ”

Me:
we’
regoi
ngt
ost
opDumi
sani
from wr
eaki
ng
hav
oc

Hi
m:Thando?Whatdoy
oumean?

Me:
Whatwoul
dyoudoi
fsomeonemur
der
edme?

Hi
m:Thando?

Me:Avengemydeathl
ikeIdidyour
sri
ght?Onl
y
di
ff
erencei
sthaty
ou’r
esti
llal
iv
e.Imagi
newhat
morehewoulddo!

Khenan:
You’
renotmaki
nganysense.Kal
i
sa?

Me:
You’
l
lfi
ndoutsoonenough.
Kim andAbebi arri
vedtot akecareoft hekidswhi l
e
theguysloadedt hecar.Ikissedallthekidsand
walkedintoLakhiwe’sroom, thetoil
etf l
ushedandI
satonthebed.Hewal kedi nandwasst artl
ed,
“mom? ”heaskedi nasl eepyv oi
ce.“Comeher e.”He
cameandsatnextt ome, “what’
shappeni ngwi t
h
youandy ourfather?”Iaskedandhewasabi t
hesit
ant,“
hesai dhewi l
l basi
call
ykil
l mei fItouch
Londi.
”Iwantedt olaugh.

Me:
Whydi
dhesayt
hat
?

Hi
m:Wewer
ewat
chi
ngamov
iei
nmyr
oom.

Me:
And?

Hi
m:Thedoorwascl
osed.
Me:
We’
vespokeaboutt
his.

Hi
m: Iknow,
hewasj
ustst
ressi
ngaboutot
her
t
hings.

Me:
Likewhat
?

Hi
m:Gr
andpaDumi
.

Me:
Whatabouthi
m?

Hi
m:Thatt
heymayst
il
lbeal
i
ve.

Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
,“andy
ouknowt
hishow?
”

Him:
Iheardyousaysowhenwewer einAustr
ali
a.
AndthenIsawthathesett
heguy
s’houseali
ght.
Me:
Whoi
sfeedi
ngy
oual
lthi
s?

Hi
m:Isawi
tmy
sel
f.

Me:
Wher
e?

Hegrabbedhislaptopandst art
edtypingawayand
showedmev i
deosandi magines,“I
ceandKeenan. ”
HesaidbeforeIcouldevenspeak, “
andi fdadtell
s
youIwasdrinki
ng,justknowt hatheislying.
”I
l
aughedabi t
,“I
’l
ldealwithyouwhenIgetback. ”He
l
ookedsad,“areyouleavingagain?”Inodded, “
I’
m
bri
ngi
nghim home. ”

Hi
m:Mommywi
l
lthi
sev
erend?
Ifeltthet ear sbui l
dup, “t
hisisthel astbaby .”Iput
myar m ar oundhi m, “youpr omise?”Inodded, “
I
promi se.Noy ouneedt obehav eokay ?Abebi and
Kim ar eher et owat chy ouguy s,keepev eryone
safe.”HenoddedbutIwasn’ tconvinced.“ Ifmy
housebur nsdown, youwi llbesor r
y.Andst ayaway
from mybeer .”Hechuckl edandl etgoofme, “be
safe, Il
ov ey ouokay ?”Iwant edtocr y,Ikissedt he
topofhi shead, “Ilov eyout obuddy .”Igotupand
wal kedt ot hedoor ,“getintobed. ”Heshookhi shead,
“IthinkIneedt ogetsomewat er.”Iputoutmyar m,
“comet hen, ”wewal kedtot heloungeandhe
disappear edi ntot heki tchen.Ev erythi
ngwaspacked
andwemadeourwayt otheJeepWr angler,no
door s.Onl yIce, Ishookmyheadandwej umpedi n.
“changeofpl ans, accor di
ngt oThando’ scoor dinates
wewi ll
hav etodr ivet hrought hedeser tandt hatwi ll
takef orever .Thepr opertyhasahel icopterlandi ng
sot hat’showwear et r
avelli
ng.”Wedr ovef orabout
anhourandt hesunwasst arti
ngt oshowi tself
.
Whenwegott her eourhel icopterwaswai t
ingforus
andweal lwentaf tert
heguy spackedt hebags.I ce
wasf l
yingus; Iwassur prisedatal ltheski l
lshehad
l
earntinjustashor tperiodoft ime.Af ewy earsback
west r
uggl edsav ingSnake, buther ehei s
perfor
mi ngl ungt ransplant sandaut opsiesondead
bodies.Wef lewf oranot herhourbef orel andingon
themagni ficentpr opertywi t houtanyaut hor i
zation.
Theguar dswal kedupt ouswi ththeirgunsoutandI
gotoutf i
rst,“whati syourbusi nessher e?”oneof
them asked, “tellDiggert hathi sdaught erisher e.”
Theyall l
ookedshocked, andt heonespokeandt hen
pressedont oi searpi ece, “letthem in.”wewer el ed
tothegol fcar tsanddr ivent othehouse.

Theguy sseemedner vous;theyknowbetternott

o
messwi thDigger.Thesunwasnowhi ghup, wegot
ther
eandbr eakfastwasbeingser v
ed.Iscannedthe
room anddidn’tseehi
m, “Pumpkin!”Smashouted
outandr antomeandshehuggedme.Idi dn’
twant
tober udesoIhuggedherback, SmaandIwer e
closeunt ilsheupandl eft.That’
sallsheev erdoes,
whent hegoi ngget stoughshepacksandl eavesfor
mont hsonend.She’ stheauntt hatisn’tmar ri
edand
doesn’ thav eanykids, shet r
avel
sthewor l
dandt hen
onChr ist
mas, shecomesbackwi t
hexpensi vegift
s
forev eryone.Whent heNewYearst ar t
s, she’sgone
again.Ipul lbackf r
om t hehug, “
wher eishe? ”she
scratchesheraf ro;Idon’tknowwhypeopl escr at
ch
theirheadswhent heydon’ tknowwhatt osay …l i
ke
theyar ediggi ngananswerupf r
om t here.

Someonecl earst hei

rthroatandthenweal ltur
n
around,Dumi standsinthedoor wayandal lofa
suddenI’m atal ossofwor d,“
mybaby .
”Hesay s
eversocalml y
,Il ookathim astear
sr undownmy
cheeks.“I
’m sosor ry.
”Hekeepssay ing,Iwanttorun
i
ntohisarmsbutmyf eetarestuckont heground,I
l
ookathi m andt henatKhenanwhogi vesmeanod
ofappr ovalandIsl owlymakemywayt ohim, “
isi t
reall
yy ou?”henodsandhei sintear stoandut tersa
milli
onapol ogi
esashehel dmet ightinhisar ms.
Afterwhatseemsl ikefor eversomeonebr oket he
reunion,“canweeatnow? ”Iturnar oundandI ’
m met
withaf ami l
i
arface, “
dad?You’ reinont hi
st oo?”I
askpul li
ngawayandl ooki ngatZenon, “
hihoney .
”I
turnbackatDumi andheshr ugs, “l
et ’
seatandI ’
lltel
l
youal laboutit
.”Iam hungr y,andI ’
m st i
llt
iredfrom
thetrip.Weal l
hav ebreakf astandt henDumi takes
met ohi sstudyandwet alkforhour sasheexpl ains
tomehowhef akedhisdeat handSmagothi m at
thehospi talmorgue.Hewasn’ tablet osav emom
andt hat’
swhyhei sdoi ngal lofthis.

Imusthav efal
l
enasleepbecauseIwakeupand
ther
eisnoisecomingf r
om out
side.Igetupoffthe
couchandputmysneaker sbackont ofindoutwhat
theruckusisal
labout.Ist
epoutandt herear
eov er
20peopl einthebacky ard,i
tlooksli
keacemet er
y
withfewdugupgr aves.Iscanandseeaf emaleina
doctor’
suniform, Simphiwe, Kali
saandaf ewot her
peopleIdonotr ecogni ze.“Shekil
ledmywi f
e!”
Dumi saniscreamsashef i
resashoti ntothe
doctor’
schestandshet umblesintooneoft hedug
upgrav es.“
Dumi sani,therehast obeanot herway !”
Khenanshout sathi m.“ Daddy?”hest opsandl ooks
backatme, “
ohhoney ,didwewakey ou?Goback
i
nsideandI ’l
lbei nwhenI ’m done.”Withthathef ir
es
ashotatoneoft heot herguy sIdon’trecognize,
“Dad!!No!”Ishout .

Kal
i
sa:
Thando,
please!

Dumi
:youdon’
tgett
ospeakher
e.

Khenan:
ComeonDumi
Dumi doesn’
tlistenandfi
resattheot
hertwoguys
andthewhi t
ewoman.Andt henhegivesanevi
l
l
augh, “
Sims..
.”hesay sshakinghi
shead.“
Thando
dosomet hi
ng!”Kal i
sashoutsatmeandDumi poi
nts
thegunather ,“Youdonotspeaktomydaughter
thatway.”

Khenan:
ComeonDumi
,she’
smymot
her
.

Dumi:Ohisshenow?Sowhywer
eyoushotonNew
Year
’seve?

Khenan:
What
?

Dumisighs,
“It
houghtI
’
dsavethi
sforl
ast
,bri
nghim
i
n.”hesaystooneofhi
sguar
dswhodisappear
sint
o
thehouse.Hecomesbackawhi l
el at
erandis
draggingNkany ezi,“what ?”I
cesay sshocked,“you
guysthinkj ustbecauseIdon’ toper at
eanymor eI
don’tknowhowt ogetshi tdone.Theguar ddrops
Nkany eziatKal isa’sfeetandmakeshi m kneel
,
“nobodymessedwi thmyf amil
yandget sawaywi th
i
t,wher eist hewi fe?”Nkany eziscreamsoutloudas
theybringFi kil
eandherdaught er,“
No!!Dumisani
youwi llnot!
!”hescr atcheshisheadwi thhisgun.
He’sshor tcircuiti
ngr ightnow,I’v
enev erseenhim
l
ikethis, “
taket hegi rl
inside.Putherinmyr oom. ”

Het urnstoFiki
l
e,“Iguessallt
hreeofy oucanshare
agr ave,t
hiswasyourmast erplanri
ght?”helaughs,
ohmywor dwhathav etheydonet ohim.He
scratcheshisheadagainandoutofnowher eshoots
Simphi weandhetumbl esi
ntohi sgr
ave.

Kal
i
sa:
Khenanpl
ease!

Khenan:
Dumi
,canwet
alkaboutt
his?
Dumi
:Hahaha…nowwewantt
otal
k?Okay
.

Bang…bang.Fi kil
eandherhusbanddr opt ot hefl
oor
deadbutnoti nt
oKal i
sa’sgrave,“okay,
nowwet al
k.”
Idon’tev enknowwhatt odoatt hispointint i
me;he
turnstooneoft heguards.“Getmeachai randthat
fi
nekillingspr eescotch.”Whatt hefuck, ki
ll
ingspree
scotch, myf atherisment al
.Thechai risbr oughtto
him andhesi tsthenopenshi sscot chandt akesa
sip,“
thisi ssomef uckedupshi t
.”Keenansay sunder
hisbreat h,“Gotsomet hingtosayboy ?”heasksas
hepoi ntst hegunt owardshim.Keenanshakeshi s
head,“ good, sonowwhowant st ogofirst?”

Me:
Daddypl
ease?

Dumi
:You’
rest
il
lher
ebaby
,getherachai
r.

Me:
Idon’
twantaf
ucki
ngchai
r!
Dumi
:Thenwhatdoy
ouwantmyangel
?

Me:
Stopt
hisdaddy
.

Dumi
:wi
l
litbr
ingbackmywi
fe?

Me:
Isi
twor
thi
t?

Dumi
:Yes!Nowt
alk!

Khenan:
Dumi
pleaseshei
smymot
her
.

Dumi
:Hahaha…si
tdownl
etmet
ell
youast
ory
.
Okay ,
myf at
herhasgonement al
.Nobodysi ts.The
groundisful
lofsoi
l,“IsaidsitorelseIblowher
brai
ns.”Hefir
esawar ningshotandev eryonesits
downandwear eal
l quietandwat chhi m si
ponhi s
scotch.Ther
eisahowl , “
Iceyourfriendswantt o
play,youcangoifyouwant .”Icejustshakeshi s
head.

Dumi
:Fi
ne,
sui
tyour
sel
f.

Khenan:
Dumi
please.

Dumi:
Yourmotherdear
estherehasdonethewor
st
oft
heworst
,yetyou’
rebeggi
ngforherl
if
e.

Khenan:
shegotwhat
’scomi
ngf
orher
.

Dumi
:Li
kewhat
?
Khenan:
Icutherof
ffi
nanci
all
y.

Dumi:Ha…reall
y$250000amonth.Comeonnow,
whataboutKeenan,hel
osthi
smotherbecauseof
thi
sjeal
ousbit
ch.

Kal
i
sa:
Khenanpl
ease.

Dumi:onemor
ewor
dfr
om y
ouandy
ou’
ret
oastol
d
l
ady.

HeturnedtoKeenan,
“would$25000br
ingback
yourmother?
”heshookhishead.

Dumi:Ofcoursenotbecauseyouwoul
dhavebought
herbackwit
hallthemoneyy ouhav
e.SeeKhenan,
you’
rebl
i
ndedbyt hef
actt
hatshegav
ebir
thtoy
ou.
WhydidtheSer
bianski
dnapherandmywif
e?

Khenan:
Thepl
ant
.

Dumi:Wrong,shewastryi
ngtomakeadeal agai
nst
youandThando.Theyplayedherandthenyour
brot
herdi
ed.Theyprobabl
yfeastedonhisbodyora
week…

Het
ookanothersi
p,“
andKhany
i?Al
mostr
aped.
”He
t
ookanot
hersip.

Dumi:Youhidt
hetwi
nsfrom Thandobecauseofher
(si
p)shethr
eat
enedThandoaboutKhensani;
she
waswill
ingt
ogotothecops.

Het
ookasi
pandthencall
edZenonandwhispered
i
nhi
sear
,wewereall
sit
ti
ngquiet
lyj
ustwat
ching.I
wascryi
ngbuthedi
dn’tseem tocare,“
wherewas
I
?”heaskedasheli
tthecigar
ettethathegotfr
om
Zenon…“Ohyes,
Martha,Fi
kil
e?Whodi dallt
hat?”

Khenan:
theyar
edead.

Dumi:
andthati
str
ue,butguesswhatmydearson
i
nlaw,soi
smywi f
e.

Khenan:
what
?

Dumi :
motherdear
est,pl
easedot
hehonor
sand
explai
ntoyourbel
ovedsonhowyoumurder
edmy
wife.

Khenan:
Mom?

Kal
i
sa:
justki
l
lmeal
ready
.
Dumi tookthemagazi
neoutofhisgunandt ossedit
aside,hetookt
hebull
etoutandthr
ewitinoneof
thegravesandhandedtheemptyguntoIcewho
wasclosesttohim.“
Now, hur
ryi
tup.Iwon’tkil
l
you…buthewi l
l.
”Dumi sai
dashechuckledandt ook
asitofhisscot
ch.Khenanwasbreathi
ngheav y,
“Mom. ”

Kal
i
sa:
Idi
dn’
tmeant
o.

Khenan:
Mom whatdi
dyoudo?

Kali
sa:Shet
ooky
ouawayfrom me,shet
ookmy
famil
yandIwasl
eftwi
thnothi
ng.

Khenan:
No!
!Kal
i
sa.
Kal
i
sa:
shehast
ofeel
whatIwentt
hrough.

Khenan:
No!
!

Kal
i
sa:
Khenanpl
easeunder
stand.

Khenan:shealmostkill
edmysonbecauseofyou!I
l
ostmywi feforamomentbecauseofy ou.Youwere
wil
li
ngtotakeawayt hechi
ldr
en’
smotherbecause
ofyourself
ishreasons.

Kal
i
sa:
Ihadnochoi
ce.

Bang…bang…bang…bang…bang…bang…bang.
Ever
yonewasstar
tl
edandKal
isaf
ell
totheground.
Weal llookedatKhenanbuthedi dn’thaveagun, we
turnedar oundandsawLakhi wedr optohisknees!
Hel etoutapi ercingwail!
!Igotupandr antohim,
“baby ?”hedi dn’tsayany thingbuthej ustcri
edi nmy
arms.Ev eryoner ushedtous, “
don’ t…getawayf rom
us…l eav e!!
”Igott hem allaway ,Iwasshaki ngandI
didn’tknowwhatwashappeni ng.Howdi dheget
here, andhowdi dhehav eagun?Howdi dheknow
howt ousei t?Wecr i
edi neachot her’
sarms, “
I’
m
sorrymommy …I ’
m sosor ry.”That ’
sallhemanaged
tosay ,
Khenancameoutandbr oughtusi nsideto
oneoft hebedr ooms.Wel ayont hebedst il
lwith
Lakhiwei nmyar mscr y
inghi sey esoutunt i
lhef el
l
asleep.Idi dn’twantt oleav ehissightandKhenan
satont hechai rjustl
ookingatus…

.
.

Iwokeupwi thapoundi ngheadacheandt heneedt o

throwup.Khenanhadhi sar msar oundme, “ mov e.
”
Hequi cklygotupandIr ushedt ot hebat hroom and
empt iedi nthet oil
etbowl ,“baby ?”Khenanaskedas
hest oodbyt hedoor , “
arey ouokay ?”Inodi ntothe
toil
etbowl ,aftersomet imeIgetupandf l
ush.I
brushmyt eet handt henusemout hwash; Ir eali
ze
theyar ebot hl ookingatmeasIwashmyf ace.I
smi l
e, “arey ouokaymommy ?”Inod, “
howabouty ou
washy ourf aceandbr ushy ourt eeth.We’ llgrab
breakf astandt henheadhome. ”Henodsand
Khenanf ollowsmei ntot heroom, “yousur ey ou’
re
good? ”InodasIst artstrippi
ng.Mycl othesar efi
lt
hy
from bei ngont hegr ound.Iputonaf r
eshbl ack
outfitandt henwai tforLakhi we; hespendst oolong
i
nt hebat hroom.“ Lakhi we, comeoutsowecanget
going.”Hewal ksinqui etly,Istandupandhol dhis
handandl eadust ot hedi ni
ngr oom.Ev eryonei s
sitt
ingar oundi nsil
ence, wejoinanddon’ tspeak.
Khenanopensabeerandsl idesonetoLakhi
weand
shrugsafterIgi
vehimt helook.Heopensonefor
meandhi mself
.It
akeasi pandgag;Iplacet
hebeer
downanddi shupforLakhi
weandt henKhenanand
thenmy self
.

Afterbr eakf astwecol l

ectourl uggageandheadt o
thecar tsandt othehel icopter.Nobodyspeaksand
we’ r
ei nt heai r.Ifeelsickagai nandgr abapacket
andempt ymybr eakfasti nitagain…l astnight
messedmeup…whenwegethomeLakhi weheads
strai
ghtf orhi sroom andIl ethi m,whi l
eKhenanand
Iheadt oour s.Theguy sunder standandt heydon’t
sayany thingast heygot of i
ndt heirwives.Istri
pin
thebat hr oom ast hewat erisget t
ingwar m andI
stepi ntot heshower ,thewat erhitsmybodyandIl et
i
tal lout.If eel myl egsf ail
ingmebutmyf alli
s
brokenbyKhenan’ sarms.Hel ower smegent lyto
thef l
oori nhi sar msandr ocksmet i
l
lIcan’tcry
any mor e.Het r
ansf er
smet othet oiletseat ,hegoes
backt ot heshowerandt urnsi toffbef oregoi ngt o
thecabi netandcomesbackwi t
ht wopr egnancy
tests.I’
m sittingt hereinsi l
encebef oreIl etouta
sigh, t
het earsj ustdropf rom myey es, “i
twill only
take5mi nut esbabe. ”Igetupandl i
ftt heseatand
peeont hest icks.Ihandt hem t ohim andhepl aces
them ont hesi nkwhi leIwi pe.Hepi cksmeupand
placesmeonhi sl apwhi l
ehesi tsont hetoiletseat .
Wedon’ tspeakunt i
lhesay sitstime.Webot hgetup
andl ookatt het ests;andt heybot hr ead2- 3weeks.
Asmi l
ecr eepsuponhi sfaceandIj ustcry ,
ev er
y t
hingishappeni ngi nsi l
enceandhej usthugs
mef orthelongestt imebef oreleadingmet ot he
bedr oom.Iwearmypaj amas, “ I
’
llgety ousomet hing
toeat .Any t
hi ngi nparti
cular ?
”I ’
m notr eall
yhungr y,
“toastandbut t
er ,maybesomej am. ”Hesmi lesand
kissesmyl ips, “t
hanky ou. ”
There’saknockatt hedoorandLakhi wewalksin,he
doesn’tsayanythi
ngbutgetsintobedwi thme.
“Mommy ?”hesaysaf t
erawhile,hisvoi
ceisshaky,
“yesmyl ove.
”Hesi ghsandlooksatme, “youthi
nk
theywouldst i
ll
all
owmebackatschool i
nLondon? ”
myhear tbreaksandIgivehim at i
ghthug.Iki
sshis
forehead,“
ofcourse,Londonitis.
”