Proper Behavior

By Srila Bhakti Promod Puri Goswami Maharaja

Taken from a conversation held June 29, 1998 at Gopinath Gaudiya Math, Sri Mayapur-Ishodyan.

Question: The scriptures particularly forbid men and women from talking to each other or mixing
together unnecessarily. But our godbrothers and godsisters often come to the matha on special
occasions. Can't we engage them in preparing food, cutting vegetables, cooking and serving?

Puri Maharaj: We must offer our respects to the scripture. We can't always follow the scriptures to the
letter. One day, Mahaprabhu was at Tota Gopinath while a Devadasi was singing the Gita-govinda.
Mahaprabhu couldn't tell whether it was a man or woman who was singing. Overwhelmed with
ecstasy, he ran toward the voice to embrace the singer. Mahaprabhu's servant Govinda caught up with
him and said, "Prabhu, the singer is a woman."

prabhu kahe-govinda, aji rakhild jivana

stri-parasa haile amara haita mara.ma

"My dear Govinda," he said, "you have saved my life. If I had touched the body of that woman, it
would have caused my death." (CC 3.13.85)

Then there is the story of Chota Hari Das, also known as the singer Hari Das. Chota Hari Das is one of
Radharani's personal associates. Tradition has it that Mahaprabhu had three and a half intimate
associates: Sri Svarupa Damodar, Ramamanda Raya, Sikhi Mahiti, and his sister Madhavi Devi.
Madhavi Devi was an old woman and very austere. One day Bhagavan Acharya invited Mahaprabhu to
eat and in order to make the Lord a nice offering, sent Hari Das to Madhavi Devi to ask her for some
fine rice. So Chota Hari Das did not go to her house of his own volition, but at Bhagavan Acharya's
request. Hari Das brought back the rice and it was cooked and given to Mahaprabhu.

Mahaprabhu sat down to eat and as soon as he tasted the rice, he began to praise it highly. The Lord
knows everything. He is omniscient, but still he asked, "Who brought this rice?"

Bhagavan Acharya answered, "Chota Hari Das brought it."

"Where did he get it?"

"From Madhavi Devi."

Mahaprabhu said nothing more for the rest of the meal because he did not want to displease Bhagavan
Acharya. He ate the rice for his sake, but when he returned to the Gambhira, he said to his servant
Govinda, "From now on, Hari Das is not to be allowed here any more. My door is closed to him."

When word of this order came to Chota Hari Das, he started to fast. For three days he neither ate nor
drank water. All of Mahaprabhu's associates including Svarupa Damodar came to Hari Das to try to
persuade him to give it up. They said, "If you keep on fasting, Mahaprabhu will simply become more
stubborn. So please eat something".

“Hari Das broke his fast, but Mahaprabhu still refused to see him. Eventually, after it became clear that
the Lord was not going to change his mind, Hari Das became so distressed that he went to Prayag and
drowned himself there in the confluence of the three holy rivers. When this was reported to
Mahaprabhu, he said, "That is the appropriate atonement for a renunciate who associates with women."
(CC 3.2.165)

Mahaprabhu set the standard with statements like this, for our sakes, to put us on our guard.
Mahaprabhu is the Supreme Lord himself. So he himself took these kinds of precautions in his own
behavior just to put us on our guard.

Mahaprabhu's dear companion Jagadananda Prabhu wrote in his Prema-vivarta:

jadi pranaya rdkhite cdho gaurdrigera sane

chota hariddsera hathd thdke jena mane

"If you want to keep Gauranga's affections, then always remember the story of Chota Hari Das."

There is another incident in Mahaprabhu's childhood that car ties a similar message. At that time many
people from Sylhet were living in Nabadwip, and they spoke with an East Bengali accent. Mahaprabhu
was just a child then, known as Nimai, but he used to make fun of them and the way they spoke. The
East Bengali immigrants would get angry and come to hit him, but Nimai just ran away.

Vrindavan Das comments on this story in the Chaitanya Bhagavata:

"Gauranga acted playfully with everyone in this way, yet he would never even look at any woman.
Everyone knows that in I this avatar, Mahaprabhu would never hear even the word I `woman.' Great
souls therefore never glorify Lord Gauranga by II calling him a ndgara ("playboy"). Because
Mahaprabhu is I God, it is theoretically possible to praise him in every way, but j the wise know that he
should be praised according to the I nature that he has demonstrated in his pastimes." (Cbh 1.15.28-31)

The Sahajiyas often call Gauranga a playboy or ndgara. That is indeed what Krishna is-"playboy of
Vraja, son of Yashoda," as Bhaktivinode Thakur sings. But we are forbidden to say the same of
Mahaprabhu.

In view of all these examples, we might well be afraid that we will be deprived of Mahaprabhu's mercy
if we are now unable to follow his directions. This is why I also refuse to allow women to touch me.
We allow women to come to the matha and even allow them to stay here. As it happens, some of them
may even touch me, touch my feet. So we have to ask whether it is actually possible to follow every
one of Mahaprabhu's instructions.

The male disciples-that is the brahmacharis and sannyasisshould be careful. This is what I am now
saying. I am not giving you an excuse to completely disregard Mahaprabhu's instructions. My women
disciples must be careful to respect the limits placed on men whenever they are around them. If they do
not, it will cause a great scandal. It is my desire that the women be allowed to do their service, but they
should not mix excessively with the men. The men too should be very careful that they not converse
with the women in places where they cannot be seen by others, nor should they mix with them too
much. Everyone must be very careful.

Everyone can engage in their service duties, but both the men and the women must be very careful. We
must remember Sriman Mahaprabhu's words. They are not my words, but the warnings of Mahaprabhu,
the Lord Himself. Of course, things are different for those who are householders, but those who have
renounced the family have been particularly warned by Mahaprabhu. He himself said, "If I had touched
that woman, it would have killed me." And he gave us the example of Chota Hari Das to put us on our
guard. Besides this, the Bhagavata also has many verses that givle similar warnings. Must I recite all
these verses?
 satyarn saucarh dayd maunarii
ei mata cdpalya karen sabdr sane ~ buddhir hrih sriryasah hsamd
babe stri mdtra nd dekhen drsri ko.me samo damn bhagas ceti
stri hena ndma prabhu ei avatdre ~ yat-sarigdd ydti sarihsayam
sravana-o nd karild vidita sarnsdre
ataeva jata mahd mahimd sakale tesv asdntesu mudhesu
gaurdriga ndgara hena stava ndhi bale khanditdtmasv asddhusu
sarigam na kurydc chocyesu
yosit-krida-mrgesu ca

na tathdsya bhaven moho

bandhascanya-prasangatah
yosit-sarigad yathd pumso
yatha tat-sarigi-sarigatah

"One should at all costs avoid associating with those lamentable creatures who have become the
playthings of the opposite sex. Such persons lack peace, are constantly bewildered, and have a
fragmented concept of self. Indeed there is no enchantment more powerful, no bondage surer than that
which comes through the association of the opposite sex and those who are attached to their company.
When one makes friends with their like, one loses the qualities of truthfulness, cleanliness, mercy,
gravity, intelligence, modesty, beauty, reputation, forgiveness, control of the mind and senses, and
good fortune." (SB 3.31.33-35)

So everything Mahaprabhu said can also be found in the Bhagavatam. Improper association with the
opposite sex is very harmful and these verses warn us about such behaviour. There must be a good
reason for all these cautions! That is why I say: if we are in some particular difficulty and have
absolutely no alternative, then women may be allowed to engage in temple work, but the sannyasis and
brahmacharis should on of care.

I myself try to lead my life in this way; but so many women have become my disciples and they come
to me and pay their obeisance to me. I give them my blessings-actually, I pass on Mahaprabhu's
blessings, for in reality I have no power to confer blessings.

Just like Prabhupada. If even a small. boy paid him obeisances, he would say to him, "I am nothing but
a servant, ddso `smi."Just like Mahaprabhu said, "I am the servant of the servant of the servant of the
lotus feet of the lover of the gopis." Prabhupada gave such an amazing example of humility that he
would say "I am nothing but a servant" to a little boy paying obeisances. And this is what he expected
of us.

When Prabhupada gave me initiation, he used the polite form in talking to me, addressing me as
prabhu. I thought, "This is terrible! It seems that Prabhupada has decided not to give me his mercy. I
am nothing more than the most insignificant servant of his servants, and yet he speaks to me using the
polite form and calling me prabhu." At that time I did not yet understand the meaning of Prabhupada's
behaviour. He wanted to educate us in the concept of being the servant of Krishna's servant, that we are
no one's guru.

ami to vaisnava ei buddhi haile

amani na hobo ami
pratisthasa asi hridoy dusibe hoibo niraya gami.
"As soon as I think that I am a Vaishnava, I will lose whatever humility I have. The desire for personal
prestige will sully my heart and will put me on the path to hell."

These are all the words of the scriptures and the great authorities, given us to make us take care. I am
very old now, so if I allow women to talk to me then that is no great flaw on my part. I am a hundred
years old, but if young men and women stand around talking, then this will certainly lead to criticism.
Therefore this is my conclusion. Be careful. This is what I am saying today.

I observed Prabhupada's dealings for thirteen whole years, not for just one or two. No woman could go
into his room and start talking with him, the way they do here. As a brahmachari, I used to be able to
come and go in his room as I pleased, but women had to pay their obeisance to him from a distance.
One day, Prabhupada's older sister came to see him. When Prabhupada saw her in his room, he
immediately cried out, "Why are there no men here? Where are the men?" When I heard him, I went
directly to his room and saw that it was not someone unknown to him, but his own sister-his older
sister, who was standing there. He refused to remain alone in the same room with her. As acharya, he
was teaching us all by his example. This is something that I witnessed personally

sukla vastrer masi bindu jaiche na lukay

sannyasir alpa chidra sarva loke gay

"Just like a spot of ink on a white cloth stands out, everyone loves to criticize the smallest flaws of a
sannyasi." When a drop of ink falls on a white cloth, it leaves a permanent mark.

We have to follow the restrictions given in the scriptures. The Srimad Bhagavatam is no ordinary
scripture, it is said to be the body of the Supreme Lord himself.