Professional Documents
Culture Documents
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narrative about their experiences working in the porn industry. The small sample size
reflects a focus on depth rather than breadth, and means that the findings cannot be
generalised or applied to all women who perform in pornography. Nor can the findings tell
us anything about how men or intersex or transgender people experience performing in
porn. However, the evidence gathered in these personal narratives enables a perspective
beyond the victim/agent divide presented in most previous work on this topic. Through
writing their own narratives, participants in the research became active contributors to
the production of knowledge about their lives, challenging the consensus both of anti-
porn feminists and of moral guardians about the motivations and justifications of female
porn performers. It proceeds from a respect for performers as ‘experts on their own lives’
(Wahab, 2003: 640). Sex workers are frequently denied self-representation, and without
reference to their voices, studies on sex workers do not reflect their realities (ibid.: 626).
Allowing sex workers to tell their own stories is necessary to put ‘a real face on the
mythological creatures that are the subject of so much fantasizing and demonizing’
(Oakley, 2007: 11).
The groundbreaking anthologies Sex Work (1987) and Whores and Other Feminists (1997)
created an opportunity for women in other areas of sex work, such as escorts and exotic
dancers, to speak for themselves about their experiences. However, porn performers were
largely absent from these texts. The recent publication of The Feminist Porn Book (2013) and
the 2014 launch of the peer-reviewed journal Porn Studies have begun to address this gap in
the existing literature by publishing the writings of porn performers alongside work written
by academics. Over the past two decades there have been numerous calls for a greater
amount of research on sex workers to be carried out by sex workers themselves (Agustı́n,
2010; Pyett, 1998; Wahab and Sloan, 2004). Laura Agustı́n draws attention to the way
in which most of the research on sex workers has been conducted by people outside of the
industry, often by those who tend to approach the subject from a position of moral or
political disapproval. Agustı́n argues that:
[W]e need a lot more research undertaken by people who are very close to sex
workers’ lives, or who are sex workers themselves : : : who will above all commit
themselves to recording honestly all the different and conflicting points of view
and stories they run into during research.
(2010: 26)
This chapter presents a contribution to that goal. A notable advantage of being personally
involved in the pornography industry as a performer, director and producer is the access
I have had to other performers, both through working directly with them and by being
part of a sex-worker community. Sex workers are often stigmatised and pathologised by
research and thus can be wary of researchers. Being a performer myself meant I was granted
considerable trust in pursuing the research presented in this chapter.
At the same time, my proximity to the industry could be conceived as disadvantageous to
the process of data analysis. Some observers may argue that I have a vested interest in
polishing the image of pornography in order to recuperate a possibly tarnished sense of self
(given that sex work in general, and performing in pornography in particular, are perceived
as either shameful, even disloyal to women as a class, or imposed by exploitative men on
women deemed damaged in some way). But qualitative researchers have consistently argued
that qualitative data and research findings are always the product of the unique relationship
between the ‘researcher’ and the ‘researched’, and the different social positions that frame
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their subjectivities (Warren and Karner, 2010: 245). Part of the ongoing feminist epis-
temological project has been to critique the idea that objective ‘truth-claims’ are even
possible, and to emphasise the ways in which research and knowledge are enriched through
acknowledging the social position of the researcher (Wilton, 2004: 37). This chapter,
written from within the community which forms its research object, expands scholarly
knowledge of the porn industry and women’s place within it.
Sexuality must not be thought of as a kind of natural given which power tries to
hold in check, or as an obscure domain which knowledge tries gradually to
uncover. It is the name that can be given to a historical construct.
(Foucault, 1978: 105)
In his seminal work The History of Sexuality (1978), Foucault argues that sexuality is not a
pre-discursive, natural phenomenon that culture attempts to repress or liberate. Rather, he
asserts, sexuality is a regulatory system that only exists through its social organisation
(Weeks, 2003: 18). Foucault argues that sexuality is ‘an especially dense transfer point for
relations of power’ (1978: 103). Sexuality is a regulatory system founded upon an artificial
unity of disparate practices, sensations, pleasures, impulses, biological functions, hormones,
muscular activities, wishes, hopes and desires, and this regulatory system functions most
powerfully and effectively through categories of sexual identity (1978: 154; Angelides,
2001: 144; Grosz, 1994: 154; Grosz, 2005: 198).
Foucault’s work challenged the connection between sexual practices and sexual identity
that had long been taken for granted. He points out that in the West, prior to the emergence
of sexuality as a discourse in the nineteenth century, same-sex sexual practices (referred to
as ‘sodomy’) were considered unnatural but were not understood to be a defining aspect of a
person’s identity. However, beginning in the nineteenth century, same-sex sexual practices
were transformed from a fleeting transgression of (hetero)sexual norms into a ‘sexual
identity’: the homosexual. Quoting Foucault:
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In other words, intense and unpredictable pleasures have the potential to challenge our
sense of sexual identity as fixed, and at these moments we are most susceptible to new sexual
becomings.
Foucault’s work and his invocation of bodies and pleasures have been influential in queer
projects that challenge the regulatory and normalising functions of categories of sexual
identity. Queer theorists promote the creation of new sexual economies based not on static
identities but on permanently fluid becomings (Grosz, 2005: 213). One of the reasons why
categories of sexual identity are so limiting is that they tabulate past and present sexual
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Belinda: I have enjoyed every single woman I have ‘modelled’ with. The experi-
ence in itself, the places and situations you couldn’t possibly have been in without
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the help of the industry, the creativity of the shoots, the sexual freedom and
liberation you feel after your accomplishments and the feeling of being proud.
Natalie: I love performing, dressing up and flirting with the camera. It’s so much
fun! We get to be very creative with different themes, backgrounds, poses, outfits
and scenarios. In pornography I have been able to explore being sexual in many
different ways.
Jackie: I’ve had lush sexual exchanges on camera with spontaneous, exciting
womyn who I’ve experienced chemistry with. I’ve had the pleasure of being crea-
tively involved in the process, whether contributing to shoot concepts or, with
more artistic erotica sites, being sole creative contributor as well as performer. I
love the process of crafting new personas to fit the sites I work with.
Sarah: A latent exhibitionism seemed as good a reason as any to take the plunge into
amateur pornography. I felt like I had a split personality in terms of sex; the out-
wardly shy and nervous side hiding the very sexually active, curious and explorative
side. Sexual attention was both terrifying and completely addictive. However by the
time I’d realised how strong the sexual side of me was, I was in a very committed
relationship with the man I now have a child with. He’s a completely brilliant guy,
and matches me perfectly, but meeting at 19 years of age meant that it cut out any
possibilities for sexual exploration with anyone else, which, if I’m honest, I really
wanted : : : I think I spent the majority of my earnings [from pornography] on [my
partner]. I think this was because I was trying to say thank you for allowing me to
express myself sexually without him and for supporting me.
Pornography functions as a space in which Sarah is able to indulge her sexual curiosity
through exploration, expression and exhibitionism. Despite Sarah’s fiancé supporting her
career choice, Sarah’s involvement in pornography queers monogamy and facilitates her
desired sexual exploration outside of the bounds of their engagement.
Laura, also in a monogamous heterosexual relationship, had her first same-sex sexual
experience through her pornography work:
Laura: To say I was nervous was an understatement – I was terrified! Nearly 19,
here I was in front of this gorgeous woman (who I later found out was also her first
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lesbian experience too) thinking a million thoughts all at once. Does my breath
smell? What if she’s not attracted to me? Is she disappointed with the pairing?
What if I say something really stupid that puts her off? What if I fart and she’s
near there? Of course these were all worst-case scenarios, none of which actually
happened. It was in fact one of the most beautiful sexual experiences of my life,
which simply cannot be replicated. Not only did I kiss a girl and enjoy it, I wanted
to do more.
Pornographic performance not only opened Laura up to sexual experiences with other
women but also opened her up to the possibility of exploring these pleasures further.
Pornographic becomings
The requirements of work in pornography open performers up not only to new sexual
possibilities and creative sexual expression but also to new becomings. Pornography
creates a queer space in which performers can experience pleasures disinvested from
desire and what they take to be their own sexual identity. In the following excerpt,
Natalie describes the effect that unpredictable sexual pleasures had on her sense of sexual
identity.
Natalie: My favourites have been the girl–girl lesbian shoots. They are so much fun
because you get to interact more [compared with solo modelling]. I was so nervous
on my first lesbian shoot, I had never been with a girl before, although I had
thought girls were pretty and wouldn’t mind kissing them. Geez, I had no idea
what I was doing. But it was so much fun. I felt so many different sensations, it was
so lustful and carnal. I was so nervous my whole body was shaking from fear but also
from pleasure. I don’t know if I ever would have been with another girl in that
capacity otherwise but pornography opened me up to that possibility : : : I don’t
know how to explain my sexuality now because I have a boyfriend but I love to
have sex with girls. Although I haven’t had sex with a girl except on camera.
Maybe that makes it different, like it’s just playing around, but I get so horny
and we really get to have sex and orgasm. I guess I am bisexual.
The pleasures that Natalie experienced in performing for pornography challenged her sense
of her sexual identity as stable and fixed. Similarly, Tyler’s sense of identity was challenged
through her experience of same-sex pleasures in pornographic work.
Tyler: The more girls I had sex with [in pornography] the more I realised how
much I loved it, and I slowly found that I was losing interest in having sex with
my [male] partner. Sex with him started to become a chore. I mean I loved my
partner more than anything, but soon it got to the stage where I just lost
complete interest in having sex with him! I started to change slowly, and this
has been going on for a while. I guess when you spend so much time around
women, beautiful women, things can change, and they did for me. Soon I found
myself having no sexual attraction to males whatsoever and that sadly included
my partner. I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, but one day I realised that
I couldn’t fight it anymore – I was gay. I still loved my boyfriend more than
anything, but I had changed, I had become a different person : : : I became a person
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that couldn’t be with him. We broke up and it was one of the hardest things I ever
had to do, but I really had no choice. It wasn’t fair on him, and maybe it’s a phase I’m
going through, I don’t know, but I have realised that I just love women too much
and that’s where my life needs to go right now! Do I think the porn industry
contributed to my change in sexuality? Definitely in some way! I spent so much
time around attractive and confident women, it was only natural for me to go down
that path.
Tyler first suggests that her work helped her to discover her pre-existing lesbian identity
(she could no longer ‘fight’ the fact that she had been gay all along). However, later she
asserts that she ‘had changed’ and ‘had become a different person’. Later still, Tyler ques-
tions whether ‘it’s a phase’. In any case, her sense of self has been rearranged due to her
experiences of same-sex pleasures through her performances, and she has been opened up to
the possibility of new becomings.
Belinda’s narrative describes a similar evolution:
While there is a sense of confusion in parts of Belinda’s narrative, she makes it clear that her
involvement has made her question herself in ways that would not have been possible
outside of her involvement in the porn industry. As a result of her porn performances she has
rejected rigid categories of sexual identity, and come to identify as simply sexual.
The radical potential of pleasure in pornographic performance that is highlighted by
these narratives is not unique to the Australian porn industry. Many contributors to The
Feminist Porn Book touched on similar themes when discussing their experiences of being
involved in the US industry, and observations by performers Sinnamon Love, Jiz Lee and
April Flores echo those of my Australian respondents:
Sinnamon Love: I wrote my sexual story, one chapter at a time, in each and every
video I’ve made. I’ve used my work in porn to explore many firsts and share those
experiences with my fans: sex with a woman, double penetration, group sex, double
anal, a blowbang, a gangbang or my first time with a Japanese woman who didn’t
speak English. I’ve let them watch me make love with a real-life partner and fuck
complete strangers I had just met moments before the cameras rolled. I’ve even
allowed my fans to watch me pregnant.
(Taormino et al., 2013: 102)
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Jiz Lee: People often ask me, ‘What made you decide you wanted to do porn?’ and I
tell them the truth: I want to share my sexual expression with others. I like it, it
feels liberating, and I know that it helps others feel free too.
(Taormino et al., 2013: 274)
April Flores: I feel very lucky that I have had the chance to explore and expand my
own sexuality through my work in pornography. I have lived out my own fantasies
by having sex on a stage with an audience watching me, and participating in a
scene in the middle of the forest in front of a huge waterfall. I’ve been able to
experience many scenarios – group sex, dominance and submission, sex with other
women and transgender men and women. These opportunities have led me from
identifying as a straight woman to understanding that my sexuality is fluid and not
dictated by the gender of my partner. These powerful, consensual experiences took
place in safe, controlled environments, and everything was fully discussed before
the shoots.
(Taormino et al., 2013: 281)
Conclusion
The personal narratives of Belinda, Jackie, Laura, Natalie, Sarah and Tyler illustrate the
ways in which a direct engagement with female performers can assist in breaking with the
victim/agent divide in examinations of pornography. They demonstrate that the experi-
ences of female porn performers can expose the volatility of categories of sexual identity and
subvert heteronormative understandings of identity, pleasure and the experiences of sex
work. If these accounts are not necessarily applicable to all female performers, neither can it
be argued that all pornography is oppressive or exploitative of the women who perform in it.
The narratives set out by these women illustrate the power of intense sexual pleasure to be
experienced as a dispossession and an undoing of the self, opening up the individual to new
sexual possibilities. The French refer to orgasm as la petite mort – the little death – and the
potential to be reborn, and reborn differently, makes pleasure a powerful rallying point for
the counterattack against restrictive categories of sexual identity, as well as for the
unfolding of queer futures.
Note
1 Pseudonyms have been used for all performers.
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