The Good Enough Parent:

Shifting our Mindset in the Age

of Covid-19

Carolyn Flynn, MA, NCC, LAC

S.T.A.R.T. Program Director and Parent-Infant Mental
Health Specialist at The Center for Great Expectations

A subsidiary of
D.W. Winnicott

PROPRIETARY AND CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION

 The Ordinary Devoted Mother
“If you try to
follow a set of
rules, its not
that this will
harm the child,
but you will be
miserable.
And if you are
miserable,
your child will
be miserable.”
The Good Enough Parent

Imperfection
∞
Repair
∞
Resilience
 Repair

Typical interactions are not continuous

coordinated states, but move from in-
sync to out-of-sync and back again
through a continuous process of repair
Secure attachment is associated with
midrange sensitivity
Extent and quality of repair is the
relational mechanism that affects infant
development
Disorganization

Disorganization of a system creates

the opportunity for reorganization at
a higher level of functioning
 Intersubjectivity

The parental
relationship is a
buffer against toxic
stress when the
parent can be
curious about the
meaning behind a
child’s behavior and
there is a process of
mutual regulation
The ARC Model
Recognizing our own Stress Response

Difficulty Focusing, Irritability, Anger,

Rigid Schedules, Need to Feel Productive,
Stockpiling

Binge TV Watching, Stress Eating,

Unable to Get out of Bed,
Disengagement with Loved Ones

Numbing Out, Dissociating, Shallow

Breathing, Lack of Self Care
 Modulating Emotions

Become familiar with

your signs

Name the emotion

Describe it

Breathe through it

It comes from me so it is
not can not be stronger
than me
The Emotional Guidance Scale

Joy
Appreciation
Happiness
Optimism
Hopefulness
Contentment
Boredom
Frustration/Irritation
Overwhelm
Anger
Fear Adapted from Abraham Hicks
Guilt model of the emotional
Shame guidance scale
Attunement
 The Holding Environment

Parent sees child’s

emotions as normal

Parent is not scared

of child’s emotions

Child can freely

express

Parent’s feelings of
calm are stronger
than child’s negative
emotion
 “At many times throughout their lives,
children will feel the world has turned topsy-
turvy. It’s not the ever-present smile that will
help them feel secure. It’s knowing that love
can hold many feelings, including sadness,
and that they can count on the people they
love to be with them until the world turns
right side up again.”
-Fred Rogers
 Resources

CRISIS TEXTLINE: Text HELLO to 741741

DISASTER DISTRESS HELPLINE: 1-800-985-5990 or text
TalkWithUs to 66746
FAMILY HELPLINE for family-related stress: 1-800-843-5437
NJ COALITION AGAINST SEXUAL ASSAULT 1-800-601-7200
NJ HOPELINE 1-855-654-6735 confidential hotline for suicide
prevention
NJ MENTAL HEALTH CARE 1-866-202-4357 assistance with
mental health disorders
POSTPARTUM MOOD DISORDERS HOTLINE: 1-800-328-3838
SHAKEN BABY PREVENTION HOTLINE:1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-
422-4453)
Parents are Not Alright by Chloe Cooney
https://gen.medium.com/parents-are-not-ok-66ab2a3e42d9
 References
Blaustein, W., Kinniburgh, K. (2019). Treating traumatic stress in children
and adolescents. (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford

From Donald Winnicott to the Naughty Step. BBC Radio Sept 9, 2014.
Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AswSBQZhTOs

Gold, C. (2017). The developmental science of early childhood. New York:

Norton

Hicks, E, Hicks, J. (2004) Ask and It Is Given. Carlsbad: Hay House.

The Power of Discord (Podcast) with renowned developmental psychologist

Edward Tronick.

Raising Good Humans with Dr. Aliza, produced by DEARMEDIA:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/power-discord-renowned-
developmental-psychologist edward/id1473072044?i=1000470380696T

Tronick, E. (2007). The neurobehavioral and social-emotional development

of children. New York: Norton

Winnicott, D.W. (1964). The child, the family, and the outside world. New
York: Perseus.
If you are interested in more information
about our trainings & professional
development offerings or have any
additional questions please contact:

Inya Chehadé at The CTARI Institute™ at

ichehade@cge-nj.org

or visit
www.ctari-institute.org