November 2021 My Story Ive never shared anything with anyone before. I'm not sure why? Maybe I've been embarrassed, maybe I’ve been scared. I know I never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me. | never wanted to play the victim. I never wanted anyone to worry. Maybe it was pride or fear? Or doubt. | always was worried that even if! did say something nobody would believe me, nobody would help. | kept believing that it would just go away, that things would change. But, they never did. At least not for long. Sometimes | wonder how | survived all these years. How did | not go completely crazy? At times | thought | was going crazy. At times | wanted to die. | know I'm not perfect. Ive yelled, Ive screamed, lve thrown things, Ive swore, I’ve fought back. | haven’t always been the best mother, wife, house keeper or friend. I'm not proud of those things. But, then again nobody knows my story. Nobody knows all 've been through. Yet, I'm feeling compelled to share now for the first time. Not because | want people to feel sorry for me. Not that | want to justify any wrong doing | may have done. But, | want someone to know my side. | want someone to know why I feel better now that we are separated. Why I'm not sure | ever want to get back together. | want someone to know why I long to be free. And why I’m so scared that I'll never have peace in my life. Yes, even as | type this I'm scared. I’m scared, because I can’t risk going back to the same life. I want better for my kids and I want better for myself. I'm scared, because this is hard. This is so hard. What if nobody believes me? What if they think I'm stretching the stories? ‘And what if people are mad at me? Mad at me because | should have left a long time ago, mad because | should have spoken out a long time ago. | mean what kind of mom would continue to live in this type of environment with her kids? If she loves them surely she would leave? Sometimes | get upset with myself and feel like such a failure. Like | failed my kids. | failed them when they needed me. And now I'm just hoping they will live for God. But, | felt trapped. I was scared. | was alone. | felt isolated from friends and family. | didn’t see a way out. Anyways, enough of that. I want to keep the details down and the stories few. Because, | want to keep this fairly short. And there is so much that happened. There is 80 much i could say. | guess start from the beginning. When we were dating, he was jealous and controlling, but also very loving and a romantic. Always buying me flowers and spoiling me. But, he was easily upset. We broke up a few times, once at! house. They encouraged me to, because they said he didn’t treat me right. | had been on the phone with him and | was upset and crying, | did something to make him mad. Well, the break up lasted until the next morning. because, he could always sway me. | mean he could be so sweet and charming. Well, then comes our wedding night. Such a happy, scary, time for a young lady. Idon’t remember all the details, the first time that night seemed to go just fine and then he wanted to do it again. But, then | did something wrong or said something wrong and made Exhibit 2 Simons v. Simons 45-2023-DM-00101him upset. | remember crying and telling him I'm sorry. But, he pushed me out of bed and | slept on the floor. With no clothes and no blankets. | curled up and cried myself to sleep. He didn’t speak to me at all until the next morning. I don’t exactly know when the physical abuse started. Now looking back the mental abuse started while we were dating. But, | know it was within the first few months. It just started as being pushed around and getting locked out of our apartment in Bismarck. We only lived there a few months. Then moved to Driscoll. It got a lot worse there. Way more frequent and way more violent. | became pregnant with Warren and we moved to Fryburg. Abuse was pretty much weekly. Before the move to Fargo we lived with his parents for like a month or two. I do remember it was 80 bad during that time. | was even raped while there. And no I'm not exaggerating that at all. It happened right after being beaten. On a Wednesday night after church. In his parents basement. I remember it so clearly. Even Luke has admitted it and apologized for it. Then the move to Fargo where it just progressed. When we moved back to Dickinson it just continued. In fact during one of the times | was being choked at the top of our stairs and | felt like was passing out. Somehow I rolled/fell to the bottom of the stairs. | remember being mocked, saying | threw myself down the stairs to make it seem worse than it was. That time Lukes dad got involved. | don’t remember if Luke called him or | did? But, he came to our house in town that we were renting and he talked to us. | honestly don’t remember any of the conversation. | think his dad thought it was just a one time incident. | don’t think i told him anything other than what happened that day. But, after that Luke did seem to change. At least for awhile. | don’t remember how long. Aweek, a month, maybe a few months? | guess what does it matter, because it didn’t last. That was always the pattern. He’d blow up and then he was so sorry. So kind. So thoughtful. So loving. | think i really thought each time he would change. He would never do it again. He was really sorry. But, this just was part of the cycle. The forever seemly never ending cycle. We have been at the ranch for 18 1/2 years. During that time | have been kicked over and over. In the legs, on the head, the ribs, the back, it didn’t matter, once | was down and he was mad it didn’t stop. Ive been punched, slapped, choked, | remember passing out once from being choked. It happened in the main floor bathroom. He was choking me and hitting my head on the wall. | fell the the floor right next to the toilet. Then he just walked out and left me until i gained my composure enough to come out and face the kids. Face my life and continue as if this was all normal. Allok. lve been brutally attacked and even bitten multiple times. | even have small scares on my finger from being bitten. And now my poor daughter has scares on her hand also from the same thing. | have been hit with so many different things | don’t think | could even name them all. There have been buckets, cattle sorting sticks, and many various tools. lve been hit with chains at least twice that remember. | still remember exactly where | was both times when it happened. Once with a dog chain in the kitchen. It actually ripped through my skirt and into my thigh. | had a small scar there for years. | think its pretty much faded now. Once with a chain from the Quonset. I was helping do something, i think we were pulling a vehicle and it came unhooked or something. (I found out chains really hurt and even leave chain shaped bruises) Ive been ran into with the 4 wheeler, possibly would have been ran over if | didn’t get out of the way. Ive been smashed between the 4 wheeler and pickup. Once a few years.ago he came at me so fast i think | truly would have been seriously hurt, but | managed to climb onto the back of the feed truck just in time. He did hit the side of the pick up, but he had hit the brakes before he fully impacted it. Because, he was always very careful about not breaking his things. He would have been so mad if he damaged the four wheeler. And yes, i get irony. He could hurt me, but don’t touch his stuff. In fact | remember getting so, mad I'd throw something and I’d get yelled at or worse for doing that to his stuff. There have been times Ive thought | had fractures or bruised bones, the day we were leaving for my ‘grandmas funeral was awful. was kicked so many times, | swear to this day my upper thigh bone was bruised or fractured. And sometimes still i get a really dull ache in that exact same spot. He was wearing steel toe boots and | was curled on the floor in the living room. He just didn’t quit. | was bruised all over my whole body. | always hid the bruises very well. | came up with some story on why I was limping so bad. And | still remember what he was mad was about. A finger nail clipper. had used and misplaced it. Couldn't find it anywhere. I'm sure he would say | was arguing with him, being disrespectful or maybe he’d say! was such a bad house keeper and so disorganized that | lost it. 'm not sure and honestly | don’t care what his excuse was. He always has an excuse. | do know even to this day | will not use his fingernail clipper. | went and bought my own. That was almost exactly 11 years ago. My grandma died 12-11-10. Ive been locked out of the house during the winter with no coat or shoes. He would take all the keys out of the vehicles at times so | couldn’t leave. He would regularly call/text me whenever | was gone. | dreaded going to ladies retreat. There was always something that would make him very upset. He was controlling. | remember more than once being at a ladies meeting (Back when it was at Sis Simons House) and getting a call and if | didn’t answer he’d call his mom. And he'd keep calling until one of answered. One time for sure | left right in the middle of prayer. | had to get home because I'd left the house such a “mess”. Well, turns out he didn’t like how | had the kitchen cabinets, so he pulled everything out of them and left it all on the floor. | came home put the kids to bed and stayed up until they were good enough tp pass his inspection. Now within the last 6 years or so that has changed. He doesn’t harass me nearly as much as he used to when I'm out. Yet, i guess that's not always accurate. He still will get upset if he feels I’m out to late and other things like that. So, I'll say it this way, he is a lot better than he used to be. My poor kids. | feel awful for what they've been through. | remember one time | was curled up in the hallway and Luke was on his knees over me, just continuing to hit me and came and jumped on his back and started hitting him. Then Luke turned on} Idon't remember what all happened, but | told ih and all the kids to never get involved again. Luke would usually yell at them to all leave the room or go to their rooms. They usually listened. At times they didn’t and they tried getting involved. But, that just made him more mad. | mean look at what just happened to Qi when she got involved. But, | still clearly remember hearing their cries all the different times throughout the years. They'd yell “mom!” and “papa stop!” I'm crying now as | type this. | hate what my kids have gone though and I hate that | allowed it to happen. | hate I didn’t leave. Iwas so weak, Iwas So beat down and there were many times I really thought that | was the problem. That if | could change, that if| could be better that it would all stop. You might be wondering “Were thereany good times?’ And the answered would be yes, | think there were. But, even during good times things were still interesting. Things were good as long as we were good. As long as we behaved. As long as | was the perfect wife and the kids were the perfect kids. We all loved having company out. Because, Luke acts so good, for the most part, he will not loose his cool around others. For some reason he is so good to his friends and family that doesn’t, live with him. He really can be so much fun. It’s crazy seeing both sides. He wasn’t just physically abusive. There was a lot mental abuse and emotional abuse. | was constantly being put down. Ridiculed. Luke, may even say it in a joking way around people, but he wasn’t joking he was serious. Later when Id call him out on it he would even admit it. Telling me that he wanted to make me think. He is also very controlling and he never trusts me. He is so mean and controlling in words and actions. Maybe, your thinking that I’m making a big deal, because within the last two years the physical abuse seemed to stop, until just this last time. Maybe your thinking that a lot of this stuff all happened 10, 15, 20 years ago. | do agree that that stuff is in the past. But, it's impossible to completely forget. Yet, two years ago when pastor and Ferrins and a few others were brought in, he had been angry, yelling upset and we were leaving to go to Medora. It was the Fourth of July. He slapped me so hard my glasses flew off of my face and left a bruise on the bridge of my nose. He turned around and came home and we all had to work around the yard that day. That night he did allow us girls to go to Dickinson and watch the fireworks. I remember we all huddled under a blanket by the college and we just were so depressed. So, scared. | wanted to load them up and drive away forever. But, | thought things will surely get better now. Because, his dad is involved. Physical abuse did stop. But, I don’t think Luke changed. He only stopped, because his dad told him to. ‘Whenever he was upset he’d remind me of how he used to be. Saying things like “The old me would be stamming your head against the wall right now.” He would swear and say the ‘most awful things. | don’t believe he did change. He just controlled it better. And there are many things he has said/done within the last few years. A few of the major things that come to my mind. I guess they don’t fall under physical abuse, but definitely mental and emotional. He took my cell phone and smashed it. He ripped my glasses off of my face and beat them against the wall until the they broke and the lenses popped out. He was yelling at me and locked me in office with him, i grabbed the house phone to call his dad. He took the phone out of my hand and smashed into the wall. I sat on the floor in the corner, crying and shaking and so scared. He just yelled and pounded the wall. Then recently while putting the microwave in he was upset and grabbed my face to force me to look at him. He also would swear at me. Using the F and B word to describe me. “This is actually from an email sent tA and the GMMR in Nov. of 2020. These are some actual quotes he has said to me.-“I guess I’m just going to go back to the way! was before I’m obviously giving you to much freedom” -“l need to crack down on you” -“if you don’t like the way it is Then just do me a favor and leave” -he said “I can just leave and do what | want. He said I can go and split my legs for some other guy. He said go on out all night long with other guys if want to. | Don’t care” -he said “WD and GB. are just like you, disrespectful, and they got their bad attitudes from you” -he told me that in all of my Bible studies I’m obviously missing the part about wives being submissive to their husbands -he told me he does not want me texting@unless its a group text with him on it and if! don’t listen he will just take my phone away ~"Don’t let the door hit you on the way out -He told me | can leave afte ED wedding or after legislative session. He doesn't care. He’s just sick of dealing with me. -he said | talk with a bad attitude just like liberal democrats -Then He told me | have no grounds for leaving him. -Iwill go to hell because I’m disrespecting him. -He told me he wants me to text him every time | leave the house. Tell him exactly where | am going. And text him when I get home. He threatened to put security cameras up, so he can monitor the coming and goings of everyone in the house. Also, Last year | wrote my list of reasons for wanting to stay and my list for wanting to leave. I don’t think much has changed. *Reasons to try and stay 1, ourchildren Grand baby on the way Reputation and witness 21 years of marriage (now its 22 years) 'm scared about getting a job and trying to take care of myself financially Ido not want to leave my house. PRON(Ido feel reasons 1-4 are very strong reasons that possibly out weigh all my reasons for wanting to get away, which is why I'm still here) Now | actually disagree with that. “Reasons to get away 1. Idon’t remember the last time I felt 100% safe and secure in my own home. 2. lam constantly on edge and stressed whenever Luke calls or comes home. Heart racing and sweaty palms. 3. I feel regularly belittled and put down. Even if he does itin a”teasing” manner. He does this to me and the girls. He even does in front of company. 4, He complains about things and causes us to be on edge. Loud noises, (even if its just putting the dishes away) unexpected banging or bumping of things he’s like “what was the that?” And our proper response to him is supposed to be “carelessness” if we say anything else then its the wrong answer. He also complains that he can never hear us and says things like “nobody ever listens to me’ 5. He complains about the girls. “They are gone to much” i and SMfaress like skaters”. And many other things. Luke seems to play favorites. He told thegirls, yes allagitswere nthe room, QDs Qc Ss He is con; comparing them to each other. According to him we all need to be more vt Because, he understands her. (Side note: Isn’t it sad that he attacked@EED this last time. if he did it to her he will never be able to handle HIB. she is definitely more outspoken and sassy than Shy is) 6. Luke does not like being around @iliand complains about his actions. My son an ‘to come out because he does not know how Luke will act. (And now lever wants to come out if he’s home. 7. Noone in the family ever knows how Luke will act. Leaving us all on pins and needles. 8. Heis controlling. | feel constantly under interrogation. He doesn’t like me taking baths or doing reading/bible devotions in the evening. And much more. He says I'm gone to much and I have to much freedom. 9. ll be honest, | do not tike marriage. I do not like being submitted to him. | do not like being around him. Maybe, I have turned into the women’s lib he has always accused me of being. 10.1 cannot relax, laugh or have a good time around him. | cannot just be myself. 11. long for peace. 12. Mygirls are also struggling. Mentally and spiritually. | feel helpless in helping them. 13. To get away from Luke and his weird ideas about women and girls and their proper place. 14.1 can be myself and relax. Like | said | wrote that a year before we separated and not much has changed. Sad.He has a weird mentality about a man and woman's roll in marriage. To Luke submit means control. He will tell you he knows it doesn’t mean that, but his words and actions say otherwise. And he needs to be in control. | have felt ike a prisoner in this marriage. ‘Always at his beck and call. Never able to do anything, say anything, or even think anything different them him. And if| ever had questions or my own thoughts and ideas, he would get so mad. He tell me that he’s the man of the house and I just have to obey him. He’s the boss. He’d tell me things like if this was a job you’d never talk to your boss like this, so you can’t talk to me like this. He is always accusing me of being disrespectful to him and not listening to him. lve been accused of cheating on him, he likes to take my phone and go through everything, even my text messages to my friends, my mom and even my daughters. He will go through my emails. He needs to know what I'm telling people and who I'm tatking to. This is not a normal husband/wife thing. This is wrong. This is obsessive. This is controlling. Because, I have not done anything wrong. He tells me I like to play the victim. Welt, i realized I’m not playing the victim. | AM THE VICTIM. Yet, | will not live like a victim. | will overcome. For years | lived beaten down physically and emotionally. Iwas a weak, scared, timid young lady. But, not anymore. | understand | probably have more emotional damage than I realize, but | also know that | am a strong person. | have been through so much and i will not let that keep me down. | can hold my head high and | can be happy with who lam. |am not a bad wife. | am not a bad housekeeper. | am not a bad mother. Luke will not tear me down and i will not believe the lies. He has the problem. He is the problem. We do not need marriage counseling. Because, any marriage problems stem from a much deeper issue. He always says we have communication issues and yes that’s true. But, | know why. It’s because it’s impossible to talk to him. Like | said, I’m not claiming to be perfect, but i will not believe | am nothing, that | am worthless. | will not believe that | am part of the problem. | can’t remember the last time | felt completely relaxed or at comfortable in my home. There is always a fear, a weight, a cloud hanging over everyone's head. It’s like we are just waiting for the next blow up. The next thing that we do wrong. Since this separation has happened there is so much more peace in the house. We are all a lot more relaxed. But, i think we are still scared. It feels like he will just coming walking through the door at any minute. None of us want to go back. I still love and care about him, but not in a romantic way. | can almost tell you the day that love in me died. Luke was home from the hospital. Not sure how long. He was still very weak and using a cane. He still looked so weak and pale. Well, something made him mad. I made him mad and he was holding his belt. And he turned on me and just started hitting me over and over and | covered my face and tried rolling away and when i got away he turned and hit our bathroom mirror over and over with the belt buckle until the mirror shattered into many little pieces. ‘And he broke his belt buckle also. Then he crawled in bed and wentto sleep. As Iwas cleaning up the glass | remember thinking and i have never forgotten it, “today is the day that love died.” There is much more to this story. I really thought after being sick he would change. I believed it was his wake up call. Luke even said that. What he doesn’t know is a week before he ended up in the hospital | prayed he would die or change. We had been heading to Belfield to set up jumper job. Luke was teaching Qo drive stick shift. GERD tle it at the stop sign on 27th St. Luke got so angry he grabbed @AEEhand and squeezed it and bite it. | immediately got involved and he turned and took his frustrationout on me. Itold the Lord | wanted Luke dead or changed. So, after getting out of the hospital and a few months going by, | was so upset when he blew up that night and used his belt, something in me died and | was even angry at God for awhile. | felt like he didn’t care about me or my kids at all. | don’t remember how long that lasted. But, eventually my relationship with the Lord grew again. The thought of touching Luke or even holding his hand just makes me nervous. I remember one tn a ing to me about my mental health. And how to keep it strong. And not let myself all apart. And I remember whenever | would get to those times in my life would somehow get strength. | remember thinking | had to keep strong for my kids. | also now realize that God gave me strength and helped me more than | even knewat the time. | don’t say al of this to make anyone hate him. Or even more mad at him, | mean honestly I'm not even mad. Not anymore. | have so much pain, sadness and even fear that even if he does truly change, | don’t think could we ever have anormal life? A normal marriage? And I'm scared. How do you tell someone your done? How do say, “I love you, but | don’t know if lever want to be with you again.” As silly as it sounds I don’t want to hurt him. But, | didn’t create this mess, he did. | have to focus on my girls. Ihave to focus on me. Maybe, I'm being dramatic, but maybe now you see things a little more clearly through my eyes. | hope you don’t think worse of me. Now you have heard my story. Only a small part of my story. 22 years of marriage and 18months of dating. | could probably write a book. My story. My life, But, I know my story isn’t over yet. I'm almost 40 and | want the next halt of my book to be better. To be filled with good stories. Good memories.