CC改良

Diary

13 Jun, 2024 Sunny

In the morning, when I woke up, I saw that my friend, Lara, was sleeping on my bed. I felt
surprised. （ 加入原因/對話？豐富情節）She screamed “Surprise !” “Oh, I forgot today was
my birthday” I murmured. I ate a buffet lunch with my parents in the Happy Hotel. (形容下環
境+食物，大家的心情等） The hotel was nice / charming / grand but it was pricey 貴 / expensive
貴. Feeling glad, we ate like a horse. We felt full.

In the afternoon, I went (不用 to) shopping with my friends and parents in Mimi’s Mall. （What did
you see and buy, anything special ?). （The mall was grand and fancy. There were a toys
shop, a gift shop and a famous cafe.) I felt joyful. After that*, I went home with my friends and
parents.

In the evening, I had a birthday party with my friends and parents at home. (描述細節）（We
sang birthdaysong, had cakes and shared funny jokes.) I felt pleased. Finally*, it was time
to open up my presents (禮物是什麼？） with my friends in my room. Unexpectedly, I got my
dream panda doll. I felt satisfied and thankful. They made me have a wonderful / great /
special day. (感動位可寫多d).

Comments:
正面
1. 句子完整 ^_^
2. 有感受詞 ^_^
3. 文法基本可以 ^_^
留意地上
1. 欠連接詞 *
2. 注意 a, an the 使用
3. 內容不夠豐富（細節係靈魂，記著無細節=無靈魂，難取高分。）