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Copyright © 2020 A Muslim Home School

www.amuslimhomeschool.com
info@amuslimhomeschool.com

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2nd Edition
First publication 2017

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 Contents
Introduction 4
Learn on the job role 8
HOMEschool not homeSCHOOL 11
What you see is not what you get 14
Play is learning 16
Read more together 17
Don’t judge your family by other’s expectations 18
Believe in your kids 23
Don’t let homeschooling take over your life 25
Don’t prioritise peer socialisation over family 26
You don’t need something on paper 28
Face your struggle 30
Find what works for you 34
Independent learners 36
Connection over academics 39
Focus on what your child needs today 41
Teaching Islamic studies at home 43
Do what’s right for your family 49
Be an education facilitator 51
It’s not working doesn’t mean you’re failing 56
Don’t homeschool if you expect the kids to work 61
alone

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What to do when everyone else is starting 66
school?
The I can’t homeschool niggles 71
Happy learning 76
The secret to perfect motherhood 78
Building a family culture 85
Morning Habits 89
See your value 91
The expert in anything was once a beginner 93
My child is behind 95
Kids and chores 98
Using your space to invite learning 99
From Survive to thrive 107
Get productive 111
Embrace motherhood 123
Self care 129
What to do when husband doesn’t want to 131
homeschool?
The secret to a successful homeschool 140
You are enough 141
Teens and excitement 143
Trust your intuition 145
Help like you’re baking cupcakes 148
The homeschool expert 150
Farewell message and contact 152
Online courses 154

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Introduction
When I originally put this book together
I didn’t set out to be an authority on
home education. I am far from such a
position and must make that crystal
clear from the get-go.
I’m just like you; a busy Mum trying to
do the best I can
as I make my own way through the
clouded fog that is
homeschool.
The task of home educator is like no
other. For most of
us it is undoubtedly a learn on the job
role; a mash of trial and error mixed
with a gleaming hope that we will get it
right and make it to the other side with
a positive end inshaAllah.
I certainly don’t have the unwavering
answers or a proven go-to method that
works all for one and one for all. Such a
thing truly doesn’t exist.

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If that is what you were expecting then I am sorry
to disappoint, but you won’t find that here with
me.
I’m not here to give you a clear direction because
the paths are many and it is up to you to pick the
road that suits you and your family best. But what
I do want to offer is a friendly hand, to walk with
you as you tread to find your way.
I record (some) of my thoughts in writing to share,
or at least attempt to.
I do this because writing helps me to understand
what it is I’m trying to achieve with my own family
and it assists me in pushing through the countless
challenges encountered along the way. I’ve
learned that by sharing it helps many others come
forward to speak their truth and to find solace
with a growing community of like-minded
mummas.
With this I unearth a sense of motivation and will-
power to not give in....yet!
What I do hope I can offer, albeit with my
substandard writing....it’s raw and unpolished; it’s
whole heartedly me (my apology to account for
the zero budget available to allow an editor to

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make everything fancy and without error) is a
mutual support that will add strength to each one
of us inshaAllah.
If every one of us gains strength and confidence
then not only do we benefit ourselves, but the
whole wider community at large will benefit too
bi’ithnillah.
One thing apparent about home-schooling and
the Muslim community, is it is a relatively new
concept for us. Although people have been
educating at home for decades, it is probably in
more recent years that we find Muslim families
adopting this lifestyle choice, and it seems to be
gaining in popularity super-fast.
Whilst there is a wealth of information and
support available on a secular level (I have indeed
benefited greatly from it alhamdulillah) there isn’t
so much from within our own communities.
So that is where this book comes in to play, and
it’s my humble offering to you. A small gift to aid
you in your adventure. A tool that puts together
some of my most popular articles to save you
time trying to find them.

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The chapters have been collected from the blog
and posts from Instagram; edited to create an
easy to read boost of inspiration and reminders
that I hope will serve to keep all our efforts high,
especially on those dreary days when everything
seems a little too much and the idea of a school
application seems to be a little more compelling
than usual.
I know that struggle all too well. But every day I
dig deep for the treasure hidden within the murky
fog of all the cluelessness and uncertainty,
because I know there is plenty to be found.
Just as digging for diamonds takes effort, time and
a lot of work to polish them up, so does our
homeschool; however the end result is even more
precious.

I ask Allah the Most High to guide myself and you

upon the Straight Path; the way of the Pious
Predecessors; upon every matter of belief,
statement and action that pleases Him alone.

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Learn on the job role
One of the most challenging aspects of
home education is that most of us have no
personal experience of it until we are in-it.
We went to school, and it is school that we
understand. We have no childhood
memories to draw from nor do we have
any official job training on how to teach.
We are literally thrown into the role of
educator, along with dinner lady, teacher
assistant, cleaner, cook, personal shopper,
first aider and on top of all that: wife and
mother.
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There is no course in the world which teaches all
this stuff! Instead, we learn on the job. We get
our training through the work experience itself
otherwise known as the University Of Life. And
this is just the way it is.
Our knowledge will grow as our experience does
bi'ithnillah. We will pick up all the strategies and
skills required inshallah, don't worry about that.
One thing I have seen, is that when you speak to
other home educators, everyone panics. Everyone
worries. Everyone works hard. And almost
everyone thinks everyone else is doing it better.
You are not alone.
Research shows that home educated children
often out-perform their school peers. I don't say
this to put down school education. School
education has its merits. But I say this to show
you that despite a lack of formal teacher training,
(responsible) parents are in one of the best
positions to educate their children. I put in
brackets responsible, because it is a great
responsibility to educate our children, and when

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we decide to take on that role then we have a
duty to fulfil it.
Whatever approach we take, whether we set up
rigid time tables and schedules to stick to or opt
to completely unschool; then if we do so with the
knowledge of responsibility, and combine that
with the dua’, love, support and nurturing of a
caring parent, we will rise to the challenge with
successful long term results bi'ithnillah.
Give yourself time, don't expect perfection and
don't be afraid of change. Allow yourself and
family to grow.
Recognise the individuality and uniqueness of
your own house-hold and remember that no
matter what educational choices you make,
whether that is to school or to home school, you
must do what is best for your family and
situation...and no two families are the same.
Trust yourself. Trust your children. Trust the
process.
And always, always, always, ask of Allah.

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HOMEschool not homeSCHOOL
First things first, this is your home. It’s a place of
sanctuary and rest away from the hustle and
bustle of the outside world. It’s a place to relax
and be yourself. It’s a place to enjoy.
What works in school, doesn't work in the home.
You want to know why? Because those kind of
lessons are designed for school, to be used by the
masses on a conveyer belt production system
with one end goal in mind. Not a few kids around
the kitchen table sitting with Mum (and Dad).

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What schools get done in several hours, you can
do in less than half the time.....seriously.
Just to put this into perspective for you an ex-
primary school teacher who now home educates
her own children, shares on a blog1 her
experience as a teacher and gives a breakdown of
a typical school day.
Between breaks, assemblies, trips, tidying up
time, end of term games and a multitude of other
non-learning activities, she came up with a figure
of just 100 minutes per school day is spent
actually learning.
100 minutes!
She broke it down further and said since we are at
home every day of the year, if you divide those
100 minutes across 365 days, it equates to only 51
minutes a day.
And I’m pretty sure you spend way more than
those 51 minutes each day engaging in one form
of learning or other.

1
https://monkeymum.blog/2015/09/13/time-is-precious/

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It’s really easy to think, unless we are spending a
whole hour on maths each day, the kids aren't
learning, but yes they are!
You don't have to run to the chime of lesson bells,
you don't need to stand up in front of the kids like
a teacher would.
Instead sit with them at the kitchen table or get
down on the floor, bring out the snacks and tea
whilst working on Maths, go to the park, read
under a blanket on the sofa – who says you can’t?
You are a homeschooler, not an at-home-
schooler.
Pay attention to the fact that it is 'home' that
comes before school in the word homeschool and
to celebrate this fact with open arms.
What we need to do is to put the home at the
centre and to embrace its properties fully, not try
to mimic the characteristics of school and impose
them onto our family.
We need to completely rethink how we see
education by looking at it through the lens of our
home not through the eyes of school.

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What you see is not what you get
All over Pinterest and Instagram
you find perfectly carved
photographs of amazing projects
and Ikea-clad or country-chic
homes and homeschool rooms.
Home educating bloggers share
their vibrant lesson plans and
prodigy children who are reading
Mandarin at age 4 never mind
English and Arabic!
Let me tell you behind the layers
of shiny filters (and photo editing
apps) used to enhance those
pictures, and away from the
eloquently written post by the
home school super-mom who
shares her daily do-it-all schedule,
there is chaos. Not only is there
chaos, but there is mess, tantrums,
sticky floors and probably a lot of
chocolate.

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What you see is not what you get. The blogging,
Pinteresting, Instagraming world of home
schooling families is an illusion.
Yes, those things you see have and do happen.
But it’s only a carefully positioned snap shot into
the whole reality...... a one second glimpse into
the other 86399 seconds that fill the rest of the
day that goes unseen.
No one shows you the whole truth because
showing a sink full of dishes or a 7 year old melt-
down or a Mum who cries herself to sleep as she
questions can she really do this, doesn't show a
pretty picture...no matter how many shiny filters
you lay on top of it.
So go easy on yourself. Sure seek inspiration and
ideas from others, but realise that what we are
seeing online is not what we get.

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Play is learning
Children really need to play. The younger they
are, the more of that play is essential to their
healthy growth.
My 11 year old still sits on the floor with her 8
year old sister, building made up cities across
the bedroom carpet, inspiring an imaginary
world where their toys are teachers,
scholars, mummy's, racing car drivers or
whatever they want to be. Truth be told I
didn't let them do enough of that when
they were younger, instead we sat at the
kitchen table "doing-school", or hiding
the toys out of reach because I didn't
want the house to look like
something had exploded.
Children learn through play, they
honestly do. Play is their work.
They will get older inshallah, and
then they won't be building
castles or making mud-pies.....
not pretend toy ones at least anyway.

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Read more together
I came across a quote which said something along
the lines of reading being the best curriculum
money can buy – and I have to say, it really is.
Sharing a book brings a huge amount of closeness
and joy. Whether cuddled up together on the
sofa; reading aloud so the kids can listen while
they play; or a bedtime story at the end of the
day.

The power of books and reading together can

never be over-estimated.
Reading develops ideas and inspiration. It builds
vocabulary and teaches no end of topics. It offers
a richness of discussion and brings the whole
world right to your fingertips.
What child doesn’t want to see
the whole world?

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Don’t judge your family by
other people’s expectations
You are unique. Your children are unique.
Your homeschool is unique. What your
friend does won't always be right for you,
just as what you do won't always be right
for her. Don't judge yourself and your
children by the expectations of others
because if you do it will only end in
disaster....and it will be the kids who
will bear the brunt of it.
I have been there frantically
trying to mould my kids (due to
my own lack of self-esteem)
so that I would not loose
someone else's approval and
acceptance. I've hushed my
own children when other kids
have hurt them, when really I
needed to let them be heard,
all because I didn’t want to
create a fuss....eventually

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those hushed up kids bite back for their own
sense of justice and it isn't nice for anyone when
they do.
Let go of everything outside of your family, and do
what is best for them (so long as you do not
transgress against anything that earns the
displeasure of Allah).
Don't do something differently just to fit in with
what so and so does.
Don't pressure your kids to follow a program they
really hate or struggle with just because no one
else's kids seem to have an issue with it – those
other kids are not yours.
Likewise, don't judge others. Don't look at your
friend and see she does something different and
see that as a bad thing either, or as a threat.
The only one we need to impress is our Lord. The
One who created us. The One who owns us.
If we are seeking the approval of the creation,
indeed we will never find it. If we seek the
approval of our Rabb, then know that the rest will
be easy.

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Abu Hurairah reported: The Prophet said
"When Allah loves a slave, He calls out to Jibril
and says "I love so-and-so; so love him." Then
Jibril loves him.
After that he (Jibril) announces to the inhabitants
of the heavens that Allah loves so-and-so; so love
him; and the inhabitants of the heavens (the
angels) also love him and then make people on
earth love him."
[al-Bukhari and Muslim]2
A lot of the advice I give sisters now is based
partly upon the knowledge and experience I’ve
gained over the years and partly upon the wisdom
of hindsight.
I can not change what has come to pass. I can not
change what I did. What is done is done. But I can
however benefit others with that hindsight
insha’Allah.
My sisters who are now where I was ten or fifteen
years ago at the start of motherhood, know that

2
Riyad-Us-Saliheen, hadith number 387. English translation published by Darussalam

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nothing else truly matters above how you see
yourself, your new little family and your Lord.
It doesn’t matter how much your baby weighs or
how fast he grows and starts walking & talking.
It doesn’t matter how quickly he can count to ten
or recite his abc’s.
It doesn’t matter how early (or late) he is to read
and it doesn’t matter what any one else says
about how you parent.
What does matter is you being content with
yourself and comfortable in your own skin. Don’t
hide yourself away or hush your children up in
order to appease what other people may think
about you. Do what is right and do what pleases
your Lord without worrying about how others see
you or what they might think. Their opinions of
you are not your concern.
Enjoy every moment of every day and don’t hurry
it along racing to the next stage. Your children will
grow fast and you will long for this time again.
Don’t worry about the future, because if you take
care of today the future will take care of itself.
You will reach it with everything you need to

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survive and thrive insha’Allah.
Trust yourself dear sister, believe in yourself and
let your children know you believe in them.
Everyone in this world has their own issues, their
own little quirks and dilemmas. Everyone else is
too busy worrying about their own mirror than to
worry about what you see in yours.
Live each day with Mercy to yourself and to your
children. Live each day doing your best to please
Allah and everything else will fall into place.

You don’t have to prove yourself or your children

to anyone.

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Believe in your kids
Seriously, believe in your kids. Believe in them.
**Believe in them!**
Ask anyone who has grown up with critical
parents, and they will tell you that lack of support
from them has led to a self-fulfilling prophecy of
low self-esteem, low self-worth and little self-
value, resulting in poor adult opportunities
(generally speaking).
If a child can not feel important, loved, cared for,
supported, believed, nurtured or wanted in the
eyes of his parents, he will grow up thinking that
of the whole world.
Our children need to feel honoured by us; they
need to know we believe they can do anything
they set their mind to with the help and
permission of Allah.
They need to know we don’t believe fulan fulan
isn't better than him.

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(but equally they need to know they are not
better than fulan fulan!)
When they want to give up, don't let them think
they won't make it.
Be there for them and hold up the torch for them
when they can only see the dark. Don't be the one
to turn off the light and plunge them into
darkness.

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Don’t make homeschooling
take over your life
Home education is not the be all and end all. It is
one part of our lives. Our home is our home, our
family is our family.
You are not just your kids teacher; before and
above that, you are Mum.
And you are a wife.
A daughter.
A sister.
A friend;
as well as a whole host of other things, including
the most important: a slave of Allah and
worshiper.
You don't have time to let home education take
over your whole life, and it really doesn't need to.

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Don’t prioritise peer
socialisation over family
For the first maybe year or two we were home
educating, I was so afraid that my girls would miss
out on friends that I made sure we went to
literally every club and meet up I could find or
initiate. We were out literally every day of the
working week.....madness!
When I look back now, and see the young ages
they were then (and indeed still are) those meet
ups really were not as important as I had
perceived them to be.
The value I gave them was probably a result of my
misguided understanding on socialisation
inherited from my memories of school together
with how much emphasis society puts on
socialisation today.
We (parents / family) are the most important
people in our children's lives. We don't need to
take on the common belief of our modern era
that peers are.

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Undoubtedly the older the children get, the more
important good companions will become, and yes
absolutely even at a young age they totally
benefit and need friends and opportunities for
activities with others.
However my point is, they don't need peers at the
expense of their parents and family.
....Those early days when we were out almost
every day of the week, was full of stress to get
everything done and everyone ready so we could
leave the house. I don't know why I did that to us,
because a stressed out mummy does not make a
happy little child, nor a happy homeschool.

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You don’t need something
on paper to prove the kids
have learned something
This is a huge lesson that took me a long time to
get.....and to be honest, I can still have a little
trouble putting this into practice at times.
I am going to drop a bombshell on you with this
one....are you ready....It will shake up everything
you know of education and learning through your
experience and understanding of it through
school.
It’s not necessary to always have the kids produce
some kind of physical work to show or prove they
have*done* or learnt something. Period.
It’s okay to visit somewhere, read something, run
an experiment or whatever it is you have done,
and leave it at that. You don't have to write a
report, draw a picture or make a lapbook each
and every single time a child learns something.
It is perfectly fine to have a learning experience
and simply let it be.

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You don't need to put something onto paper just
for the sake of doing so.
If learning has happened, then guess what....
learning happened I promise you.
Kids are expert learners. Look at them: they learnt
to sit, crawl, walk and talk and you didn't for a
second think they wouldn't....nor did you ever ask
them to write a report to *prove* that they did.
They are expert speakers, speaking their mother
tongue better than any second language learner
ever will.
Inspire them, facilitate opportunities for them,
and they will learn inshallah....they don't always
have to prove it.
If it makes you feel better, then take a picture or
write your own recount in a journal if you want
some kind of documentation to remind yourself
of later if you think you might forget and you
want to be able to share it with your local
authority or even just for the sake of a personal
memory.

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But for the kids, they don't need to write an essay
every time they have come across something new
or developed a new idea.
Sometimes the best ideas and best learning
comes from just being able to enjoy and share a
big juicy conversation.
In fact if you really want to see what your children
know, talk to them. Knowledge isn’t what we find
written upon a piece of paper, rather it is what
remains with us after the books are shut. So get
interested in what your children have to say about
something and let them show off all that they do
know.

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Face your struggle
I am a big believer in the difficulties or challenges
we face, simply being problems that we can
solve....but it does require a little effort on our
part.
Instead of facing a difficulty somewhere and
flailing your arms in the air thinking there is
nothing that can be done, take back control and
do something about it insha'Allah.
Although I'm going to talk about this here through
a homeschool or homework situation, this idea
can be used with any problem you may be facing.
In my live class last week, we touched on the need
to provide our children with the right conditions
to thrive insha'Allah. When we see our children
resisting or being disengaged it

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isn't that they are being lazy or not bothered; but
rather something is preventing them from
showing up.
Let's use this example to work through the 4 step
problem solving technique.......

✅Identify the problem:

Kids are not interested
✅Identify the root cause:
It could be there is an emotional issue within
them that is not conductive to being in a learning
state; upset, anger or worry.
It could be something as simple as tiredness or
hunger.
It might be they want to go do something else
right now and that is causing the distraction.
It may be they don't understand, or they are
bored. It could be they are not being sufficiently
challenged enough.
It could be they don't see the value or purpose in
the task or relevance to their own life.
It may be that we are not providing the right
conditions to help them; the way we are

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presenting information is not reaching the way
they learn.
✅ Identify the solution.
Once you have identified the root of the problem,
what can be done to offset it inshaAllah?
How can their emotional state be settled? What
do they need to calm sadness, anger or worry?
Tiredness or hunger - obviously more sleep and
food! Facilitate a better bedtime routine and
maybe bring snacks to the table.
If they are not understanding, then what can you
do to help them understand? - keep in mind it is
not their "fault" if they lack understanding, it is
our job as parents and educators to find a way to
unlock that understanding bi'ithnillah.
Maybe rethink how information is presented,
different resources, modeling or more hands-on
approaches rather than utilizing just books.
✅Make dua'.
Know that the Best help is the Help from our Lord,
so make dua' and take action.
No matter how big the issue that presents itself or
how small, make dua'.

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Find what works for you
I have said this so many times, and I'm going to
say it again because it is a reminder we need to
hear often.
We are all different.
No two of us are exactly the same.
What works for me, may not work for you. What
works for you may not work for me. What your
friend does is not a bad reflection upon what you
do, nor is what you do a bad reflection upon her.
We all have our own unique set of
needs, circumstances and resources available to
us.
When it comes to the way each of us choose to
educate our children; be that school, or
homeschool - our end goal is the same. To have
educated children who are happy, balanced and
able to carve a future for themselves as adults.
As Muslim parents I would say we also add to this
desired outcome, the objective to raise our
children to know that we were created to worship

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Allah Alone in truth with NO partner - so they will
find success in both this world and the next
insha'Allah.
Our end goals are the same. But the routes to get
there are many and will look different for each
one of us.
Different diets lead to weight loss.
Different methods of cutting a cucumber give
perfectly diced salad.
Different methods of long multiplication can all
arrive at the same answer.
Find what works for you.

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INDEPENDENT LEARNERS
Everyone has the dream- children
becoming self-motivated independent
learners. The ones who will leap out of
bed in the morning, happily open the
textbooks to teach themselves
everything they need to know and
build their own computer through
sheer determination.
That was my dream when my children
were small. It still is truth be told.
We look at those families who do have
children who are able to get on with
things themselves and then look at our
own children and wonder why are they
not doing that too? What is wrong with

37
them? They are just lazy.
We become frustrated that they need spoon
feeding information. That they don’t have enough
internal direction to just go do it themselves.
But here is the thing sisters. To reach that point of
independence, it requires a great deal of
partnership and collaboration from parents.
Parental involvement doesn’t dissipate. Parental
support is key; like the role of a mentor guiding
and prompting. Helping the child find what it is he
needs.
The best students in school typically have parents
at home heavily involved in supporting their
education.
The same is true for home educators. The best
ones have parents who are involved; talking,
advising, partnering, collaborating, supporting,
guiding, helping get resources, taking to places.
Active partnership and support are at the
foundation of any independent child learner.
Think of the iceberg....what we see of the tip is
the child; the bulk of the iceberg is hidden

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beneath the water and this is the parent....no
matter how “independent” a child may be.

39
Connection over academics
I learned from a more experienced
home educator years ago that we
should never put academics before
connection with our children.
Ever.
Gaps in learning can easily be made up for
later; but missing connection can not.
If our relationship with our child is
grounded and strong, their education will
undoubtedly benefit insha’Allah.
But how can we expect a child to
thrive academically if we are
crushing the essence of who they are;
if they don’t know they are loved and
accepted by us?
How many adults have “issues” today
because they lacked that connection with a
parent when they were young? Sure, they can
get help and work through those issues to get
past them, but that connection that was absent
can never be made up for.

40
Put connection over grades. It isn’t the grades
that will shape our children into who they will
become ....how we make them feel about
themselves and about their struggles play a much
greater part in that.
The funny thing is when you put connection first
over academics, I’m sure you will see a natural
consequence of that is that the grades will
naturally go up.

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Focus on what your child needs today
One thing we as parents have to do is stop
allowing our worries for the future of our children
affect what we do today.
I hear so often from mums who are worried that
their child is behind. I too am guilty of this so I
completely understand the concern. We take
where our child is now and use that as a future
prediction of where they’ll end up.
She is six years old and not reading yet so we
envision a rocky but sure road to failure.
He is eleven years old and can’t spell, so
we foresee future doom.
She is thirteen years old and
doesn’t seem motivated to
study so we predict poor
exam grades and poor job
opportunities post
homeschool.
These future fears control what we expect
from our children now and what we think we
must do to ensure those self-imagined prophecies

42
don’t come true. We feel the weight of this
pressure and in turn we place that weight upon
our children.
More reading practice. More spelling tests. More
study periods.
Instead of making the progress we hoped for,
more often than not, progress appears even
slower because guess what; all that pressure
hinders growth it doesn’t support it.
What we must do instead of acting today based
on where we think our child should be in X years,
is give our child what he needs today for success
today insha’Allah.
If we encourage and provide our child with what
they need today, and do this every day that
follows, they will reach their future self with
everything they need to thrive insha’Allah.

43
Teaching Islamic Studies
At home
Something I see mummas everywhere
always wanting help on, is how to
teach Islam at home with family.
This topic was raised by an attendee
in my Homeschooling With
Confidence course, and I thought it
would be beneficial to share my
(edited and updated) response here
with you too, since it is such a
common quest so many of us have.

44
Certainly it has always been something that I’ve
been conscious of. Islam is the central part of our
lives and we want to raise our children to love our
religion and more than that, act upon it; knowing
it is Allah Alone who guides.
My advice here is that of a fellow mum just like
you. I am not a student of knowledge rather I
have to be clear that I’m a layman, so I will always
refer you to the people of knowledge because it is
beyond my expertise to instruct you in Islamic
matters. So please know that what I am offering
here is merely general advice from one mother to
another in dealing with children and teaching
them Islam at home.
Islam Starts with us
The first thing that is important to realise is that
Islam starts with us. When we consider how
children have learned Islam for centuries, it was
through the way in which they were parented; it
was through the example that was presented by
the behaviour of parents; it was by going to those
with knowledge and sitting in their lessons.

45
The idea we have today to make Islamic learning
"fun" with crafts or activities is a relatively new
concept. I don't say this to mean we shouldn't
encourage our children to learn Islam through
means they enjoy, not at all (I certainly try to). But
only to make the point that much of their learning
is through us and our ordinary day to day
interactions, behaviours and habits.
Take for example when we want our children to
know their adhkar, then if reciting these are an
everyday natural part of our lives they will learn
the relevant supplications without conscious
concerted effort insha'Allah. They will learn these
as naturally as they learned to speak without
focused effort or training - simply by mimicking
us.
When we tuck our children to bed at night - from
the day they are born recite the bedtime dua’,
recite the Quls and Ayat ul Kursi before they
sleep. If this is a habit we haven’t already
implemented, then begin with one thing at a time,
and slowly build into our routine each
supplication so that it is easy for us to become
consistent insha’Allah.

46
Islam is a practical religion. It is a way of life not
an abstract series of lessons. Therefore study so
that you can put Islam into action insha'Allah (this
here is an advice to myself first and foremost
before anyone else).
Our own Islamic learning

The first thing we should pay attention to is our

own Islamic study. Not our children's.
Are we as a servant of Allah our self, spending
time learning about our religion? Have we
developed a consistent routine for studying
Islam? For reading the Qur'an? For reading the
books of the scholars? Attending the classes of
the students of knowledge nearby or traveling to
them?
Children will follow our example. So when we
make the learning of Islam a priority in our lives,
our children will see that and follow insha'Allah.
The second point to this is in order to be able to
teach our children, we our self must have
knowledge first. This only comes with study.
So read the books of the scholars. Alhamdulillah
many have been translated for us into English for
those of us still learning Arabic. And also listen to

47
the lessons of the scholars - many are available
through the internet alhamdulillah and many have
been translated by students of knowledge.

Prophetic Guidance for parents and Educators

The best methods to teach our children is to take

from the best of examples; the Prophet salAllahu
alayhi wa salaam. I can not recommend enough
this 4 part series of lessons from our noble
teacher Moosa Richardson may Allah preserve
him, which goes through how we as both parents
and educators can teach and cultivate our
children. Moosa Richardson is a graduate from
Umm al-Qura University in Makkah where he
graduated from the faculty of Hadith Sciences.
There are so many points of benefit that you will
take from this series, and as a student of
knowledge our dear ustadh is in a much better
position to advise you on these matters than I
ever could.
If you find it difficult to sit with a notebook and
pen to make your own notes as you listen, then

48
play these whilst you go about your house-chores;
cooking, cleaning or driving running errands.

Prophetic Guidance for parents and educators

part 1
Prophetic Guidance for parents and educators
part 2
Prophetic Guidance for parents and educators
part 3
Prophetic Guidance for parents and educators
part 4
Accompanying presentation slides

49
Do what’s right for
your family
Whether we choose school or choose
homeschool, all of us are responsible for the
education of our children. There is no option that
frees us from that responsibility.
It isn’t a black and white case of one is better than
the other. We have to realise that each of us are
different, with different needs and circumstances.
What is right for our friend may not be right for
us, just as what is right for us may not be right for
her.
Some of us have access to amazing
schools; some of us don’t.
Some of us can pay for amazing schools;
some of us can not.
Some of us have a supportive husband by our
side; some of us don’t.
Some of us are facing chronic illnesses; others
of us don’t.
Some of us live in countries where home

50
education is illegal, some of us don’t.
Some of us have children with special needs;
some of us don’t.
Whatever we choose for our own family, doesn’t
mean that every other family who chooses
something else is wrong.
It simply means we are all embracing the
uniqueness of our own circumstances and our
own individual needs with that which is available
to us and helps us to meet them.
There are many different paths we can take that
will lead us all to the same destination, and as a
Muslim parent striving to raise our children to
know the purpose of our creation, there is no easy
option. Whatever we choose will have its share of
challenges and difficulties; it’s just what those are
will be different for each.

51
Be an education facilitator for
Your child not a teacher
Many of us, when we embark on our home
education journey, begin with the school-at-home
model....you know what I'm saying!
We ourselves don't know any different. We went
to school. School is what we know. We know how
to sit at our desk, whilst the teacher provides the
information they tell us is needed. We know if the
teacher doesn't tell us that we will be tested on
something, then we don't need to trouble
ourselves learning it.
We know that the student knows nothing
important and the teacher knows everything.
So that's what many of us, when we start teaching
our own children at home do.....we do home-
school.
We stand at the front of our children and dictate
the ABC's and 123's, whilst they protest at our
teaching attempts, because they don't want to
copy out sentences from a text book or write

52
about power-stations.
Later when they are in bed we sob ourselves to
sleep in a panic, questioning what’s wrong with
my child and why he is not wanting to learn. If he
was at school he would have to sit there all day
doing as he is told...
....And then, in that pit of self-doubt, in that panic
that my child is not learning, we can either decide
to throw in the towel, get the school enrolment
application, or we start to open our minds and
think outside the box.
It is at this point, we begin to learn, that effective
learning is not necessarily a product of teaching.
Our children from when they are born, are natural
learners. They learn a whole language...some
even learn 2 in just the first couple of years of life,
they learn to crawl, walk, eat, run, jump, draw;
they constantly ask questions and want to know
about everything going on around them. They
always want to ask why and how and back to the
why again!
...Then school happens. We start telling them
what they need to learn and how they are going

53
to learn it....and then we start to see all that
natural inclination towards learning seems to
stop. We get tantrums and melt-downs, and we
don’t understand why.
The thing we need to understand, is when we do
school-at-home, we are doing no better than
what the school education system does; we are
forcing them to halt their natural inquisitiveness
and desire for learning, and instead dictate to
them what we feel is important for them to know,
whether it interests them or not; whether it is
important to them or not.
When we start to listen to our children; when we
start to trust them (and ourselves) to allow them
to show us that learning is not just sitting at the
table with a pen and textbook; when we let go of
all our own years in the public education system,
then the real education begins, and we see our
children flourish
Alhamdulillah.
Children, like adults, have interests. Children, like

54
adults, find things brain-teasingly boring (why
would you expect them not to?). Children, like
adults will often produce better results and
remember information which is of interest or
relevant to them, and forget (or not even learn)
that which is not.
Let go of the notion that you are your children's
teacher, and instead think of yourself as an
education facilitator.
What's the difference? A teacher will tell the pupil
what they should know and how they should do
it.
An education facilitator will help the child to find
what he needs to fulfil his study, merely assisting
him in his quest for knowledge.
If your child has a sudden interest in volcanoes,
then why subdue that natural passion by making
her learn about the North Pole instead? Facilitate
and help her find out about volcanoes.....help to
find books, set up meetings with a volcanologist
(or at least maybe find a

55
suitable youtube video of one online); let her
design her own project to teach you about
volcanoes! Trust me, she will do all the work
herself....why?....because she is interested.
Sure, some things have to be learnt and perhaps
taught in a more traditional way; the Qur'an for
example.
However, most subjects don’t, and they certainly
don’t have to be done with the school-at-home
mentality.
Teach with an education facilitator approach....
and see the difference it makes.
Provide the tools the children need to learn, and
allow the space (and time) to show you what
amazing things they can do with them.

56
It’s not working doesn’t
Mean you’re failing
I can still remember the very first day I sat with
my eldest to "do school", absolutely clueless of
what to do or where to start.
We sat at the kitchen table, deciding to make a
giant poster to record numbers up to 20....so that
we would have something to show we had "done"
something that day....we had to show we had
done something, whether or not she could
actually count right!?
Oh those days of naivety....I almost miss
them. Like a tiny dry seed buried under
the soil, not knowing when the rain will
come, not knowing when it will start to
grow.

57
 I have tried so many learning philosophies,
educational styles and systems over the years;
Montessori, mainstream, unschooling, super-
military sergeant schooling (don't ask!), lapbooks,
notebooks, eclectic, child-led, project based,
workbox system, different curriculum....each
time thinking I've finally cracked it....this is right,
this works!
But each time, the novelty of the latest craze I
discovered was soon short-lived, our steam runs
out, and hopeless chaos erupts.
What I have come to understand alhamdulillah,
through these experiences, is that it doesn't
matter what educational philosophy or style we
choose, so long as we don't make ourselves a
slave to it.
So many of us make ourselves and even each
other believe, that if we don't do things in a
particular way, then we won't get the best results
and somehow we have failed, and somehow we
will have failed our children.
This puts an enormous pressure and stress upon
our shoulders, which in turn, we then put onto

58
our children's shoulders because we want them to
meet those guidelines; that in truth, someone else
has set up and placed as a standard of measure.
....and we all end up miserable trying to fit into it.

Sometimes us home schoolers, as much as we are

a help and support for one another, we can help
destroy each other without realising.
When something works for someone else, we
want to know about it.
Someone has tried a particular curriculum or
adopted a particular learning lifestyle and are
showing huge leaps of progress with it, and their
whole household loves it, so we think great,
something that works!
But what we forget, or sloppily overlook, is that
what works for one family, might not work for us,
or it may not work in the same way...but that is
completely okay.
Success isn't measured on someone else's
measure of success.

59
It’s okay to try something and adapt it to what
suits you and your children. It’s okay to mix
different approaches to reach the same goal. It’s
okay to take the same principals and apply them
differently to how your friend does in order to suit
your own family's needs.
And it is okay to start with something, and move
on to something else once you have outgrown it.
If something no longer works, it doesn't mean
that you have failed because you cannot get the
same results you once did, or the same results
someone else does. It just means it is time to
move on, you and your children have grown,
developed, gained new experiences and now you
are ready for something else.
There is only one thing I know for sure; and that is
just as our children grow, so will their needs.
That means sometimes things are going to have to
be shaken up and something new tried. ...and that
renewal can (and probably will) happen if not at
least once every year, possibly several....this is
okay.

60
Just remember, the seed has to first root itself,
grow its shoot, and grow strong and tall before its
flowers will bloom. So long as it gets the water
and light it needs, it will get there. Don't rush it.
Your children will also bloom, if you let them
inshaAllah.

61
Don’t homeschool if you expect
The kids to work alone
Everyone you meet
and everything you
read in the
homeschool world
seems to promote this
idea of independent
learners. Children being able
to independently learn and
direct their studies all by
themselves....
and that's what we all want
right?

62
We want our children to get to a stage in their
education where we can back off a little and let
them hold the reigns without us.
I mean, at the end of the day, most of us are
pretty open to admit we ourselves are learning
along with the kids. I've heard so many mothers
say they don't remember doing grammar at
school, or that they forgot everything about
Maths the moment the exams were over.
So if we are having to read and learn the material
first before we can "teach" it, once we can pull
ourselves out of the mix and just let our kids go
straight to the books themselves, it makes sense!
We are only relaying to them the
information we find. So once they can do
this without us, then we will have time to focus on
the younger ones who still need help picking up a
pencil or learning their numbers.
Hmmmm.
Is this really learning though? We should
remember that our children have only been on
the planet for maybe 4 years, or 8 years, or 12, 13
or whatever number they are. They have a whole
lot yet to experience and learn. Many things they
are experiencing for the first time

63
ever....completely new in the same way that they
first noticed they had hands when they were
babies and would spend hours gazing upon their
own little fingers intrigued at what they do!
We have been around a whole generation before
them....and look, still we are learning!
We didn't expect them to learn to walk or talk
without helping them. We guided, we prompted,
we modelled.
We held them up so they could strengthen their
legs. We enjoyed watching them get up and fall
down again, each time cooing "awww, well done,
try again" waiting on our knees in front of them
with our arms open wide and a big heart warming
smile.
We helped them without a second thought, until
they had each skill mastered, and we didn't think
twice.
"Helping helps." ....I learnt this myself last week.
So why do so many of us, when it comes to our
children's learning, seem to want to push them
into independence...or think to ourselves there is
something wrong if they can't?
There is no harm in helping our children when
they are having trouble with a maths problem, or

64
in fact doing the whole maths problem for
them.....because they are watching and observing.
There is no harm in helping them to write a 2
page report.... because they are watching and
observing...they are processing in their minds how
it is all done!
I heard some one say "don't home educate if you
want your children to work alone". She explained
that when we collaborate with our children, they
learn....collaboration = learning!

When I heard that, it was a big "aha" moment.

Almost like it was permission to say its Okay to sit
with my children and work alongside with them,
and doing so isn't going to set them back or stunt
their academic growth. In fact the opposite,
because having us with them, to collaborate
together to solve the problem or write the report,
allows us to model how to work through these
things. And through that, they are
learning....collaboration equals growth.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying kids shouldn't

work alone, not at all. But when they are reaching
out to us, when they need us, allow ourselves to

65
be present for them.
Squash the voice that whispers to us they won't
learn if we do it for them. We are not doing it for
them.....we are showing them how its done, we
are offering support guidance and
mentorship....and in that, there is the difference.

66
What to do when everyone
Else is starting school?
You made the decision to home-educate.... and
then you see all the children starting school... a
hot wave of self-doubt rushes
through your veins as you question
if home schooling really the
right thing to do?

67
You listen to your family and friends gush about
how well their child is doing at school, how their
teacher seems to get the best out of them, how
amazing the projects are that they work on, how
nice the friends that they picked are.... it sounds
like a fairy-tale....its certainly enough to burst
your little home-school bubble and the image of a
tiny, grim child-prison you pictured as being
the place these folk call "school".
So what do you do when everyone is starting
school?
The truth is, no matter what educational choices
you make, whether that is to school or home-
school, you have to do what is right for your own
family..... and no two families are the same.
The reason I decided to write this post, is to help
me to understand my own doubts, as I question if
we really are doing the right thing for our children
by continuing to home educate.
I think as mothers, no matter what we do we will
always feel we are falling short; that we are not
giving our children all they need and deserve.

68
I look at school and I wonder if my children would
actually respond better to a teacher within a
formal setting, surrounded by fellow peers
all working in unison whilst inspiring one another
with ideas.
I look at how difficult it can be to motivate my
kids sometimes...and how sometimes it feels like I
am spending more time preparing educational
material and lesson plans than they do actually
using them!
But then if I scratch a little past the surface, and
look deeper beyond the allure of trained teachers
and "socialised" classrooms and I see how school
strips me of control over exactly what and how
my children learn and see and hands it over to
someone else who may or may not have their
best interests at heart..... then it shifts my
focus, because I know myself; I know that I don't
feel someone else has the right to decide what is
best for my children, especially if what some of
the things they call to are in opposition of the
Qur'an and Sunnah.
So what is the solution? What is the right thing to
do?

69
While I acknowledge both school and home-
school each have their own merits, I have to seek
guidance from Allah, be honest with myself and
accept what I believe is true in my situation... the
cons of school for my family far outweigh the
benefits it may provide, whilst the benefits home-
school far outweigh its negatives.
So I guess there it is, alhamdulilah there is my
answer......for now anyway.
Whatever type of education we choose, there are
two things which we have to be sure our decision
is based on....Pleasing Allah first and foremost,
and doing what is best for our own family (what is
best for them may change from one year to the
next).
Be sure your decision is not based on other
peoples choices!
Sometimes we need to pause for a moment, take
a break and allow time to reflect upon what is
important to us for our own children's needs.
Take a deeper look at how we can balance an
Islamicaly sound education while maintaining a
healthy social and life experience that works for
our own family and vision...not someone else's.

70
So when you see all the kids heading off back to
school and yours are at home with you, take
comfort in your choice because it is yours to
make.

And then do what all home schoolers do

best.....go enjoy the empty park.

71
The I can’t homeschool niggles

You’ve been home educating for a while, and out

of nowhere, you start getting the heebie-
geebies! Panic is running through your veins
as you start looking at your kids and
questioning, am I doing the right thing?
Home schooling little pre-schoolers seemed
easy enough; getting out the playdoh to make
letter shaped sausages, counting ladybird

72
spots to ten, even learning the times tables up to
twelve was a piece of cake once the art of
memorisation was mastered.
But now, the world of essay writing, algebra and
bunsen burners draws ever closer and it seems
more than just a little intimidating....and you are
the one who is supposed to teach this stuff!
You're looking at the neighbours kids who attend
the local Islamic school and are thinking, well they
seem to all be doing alright... as you start
daydreaming about how you could fill your day
without your army of little people scurrying after
you everywhere you go.
Maybe the kids are not getting enough
stimulation with me at home, you start to doubt
as you nervously think about imaginary socially
backward teenagers who can't adapt to the
society outside their own four walls.
Am I doing the right thing?
If allowing your children to grow up worshipping
Allah Alone is doing the right thing, then yes you
are.

73
If taking responsibility for your children's welfare
and upbringing is doing the right thing, then yes
you are.
If protecting them from negative influences that
can potentially damage their character and Islam
is doing the right thing, then yes you are.
If helping and guiding them through each of their
milestones and being there to share and celebrate
with them is doing the right thing, then yes you
are.
If encouraging your children to think for
themselves and nurture an inquisitive mind them
is doing the right thing, then yes you are.
If giving your children the right to progress at their
own level with encouragement and support is
doing the right thing, then yes you are.
If helping to implant a love of learning and a love
of seeking knowledge as they grow into adulthood
is doing the right thing, then yes you are.
If allowing your children to study the Qur'an and
Islamic Sciences freely is doing the right thing,
then yes you are.

74
If giving your children confidence and a strong
sense of self-worth and belief without fear of
rejection is doing the right thing, then yes you are.
If helping your children grow into independent,
responsible adults who can motivate themselves
and benefit the society at large is doing the right
thing, then yes you are.
If helping your children to find good friends who
make good companions is doing the right thing,
then yes you
are.
If being able to keep the bonds of family together
with strength and unity is doing the right thing,
then yes you are.
If taking responsibility of what your children learn
is appropriate for their age, ability and values is
doing the right thing, then yes you are.
If stepping up to the plate and being a parent is
doing the right thing, then yes you are.
If raising your children in the best way to please
Allah, so that when the Angels are sent to start
taking them to account they know how to enjoin

75
the good and forbid the evil is doing the right
thing, then yes you are!
Take a deep breath, and say Alhamdulillah.
Trust yourself. Trust your children. Trust the
homeschool process.
May Allah rectify all our affairs and make it easy
for us and our children.

76
Happy Learning
I sat with my youngest this morning whilst she
worked on her Maths. She worked so well
barakAllahu feeha so after finishing one page I
braved suggesting let’s take a 5 minute break and
we'll do another.
She asked why, since for such a long time we have
stuck to completing one page a day. I answered
gently, explaining we really should try to be doing
2 pages. She was okay with that, and we sat
together playing with the number blocks, creating
little sculptures for 5 minutes, then set to work on
page 2, which she worked through beautifully
Alhamdulillah.
As she was coming to the end of the page, it came
to mind, let’s go for a third! I mean, she has
worked through 2 pages in less than five minutes
each....it’s not like we spent all morning on maths,
another side of questions whilst she seems to be
in the mood, will be a doddle, why not take
advantage of that?

77
Before my lips opened to speak, another thought
entered my consciousness ....yes she has worked
brilliantly on these 2 pages, happily ploughing
through......so why do I want to push her further?
Isn’t it enough to allow the lesson simply end on a
happy note; so that tomorrow when we come to
open the books again, she will have a good
memory of today’s lesson and how simple it was
to work through; rather than trudging through
more which will no doubt eventually lead to an
eruption of tears at some point and thus signal
the end of the lesson anyway.
So I stopped, she finished the page, closed the
book and we had a little conversation about how
great that lesson was, and she continued building
with the maths blocks. Happy.
Note to self: Don't wait for tears until the lesson is
done. A positive ending is a positive result! I'm
happy cooking a nice dinner for the family.....I
wouldn't be happy if I was told since I happily
cooked dinner, I should then continue to cook
another meal straight after.
One meal at a time is enough.

78
The secret to perfect motherhood
We are living in a time where everything has to
be picture perfect, from the food on our plates
to the décor in our homes. And number one in
view of the invisible camera of scrutiny is
motherhood.
Being a mother today is hard. With all the
information gleaming the pages of Pinterest and
Instagram directing us to websites and blogs
around the world showcasing the perfect
nutrition, the perfect post pregnancy tummy
workout, the perfect parenting strategies, the

79
perfectly organised home, the perfect kids
education....the perfect life!
We send these links to our Watsapp groups, and
we all buy into this idea that anything less than
feeding the kids green smoothies with a side of
raw nuts, living in an Ikea clad home, and sitting
at the kitchen table to do daily Islamic inspired
kids crafts on top of serving the perfectly
balanced dinner and working all day (be that
inside or outside the home), is a failure.
Muslim women everywhere literally burn
themselves out trying to keep up with the Joneses
neighbour's, the Organic Ali's.
So we all cook with cold pressed coconut oil
because the smoking point of olive oil is low and
will cause cancer.
We organise the Ikea Expedit shelf with a well
positioned arrangement of books and educational
resources because not only will it ensure
everything is super easy to find but it also looks

80
awesome (until the kids mess it up later)...who
doesn't love an Expedit shelf?
We buy beautiful wooden toys because it helps
the children to build on their natural creativeness
during play, not to mention the fact that the
plastic ones just look awful all over the living
room floor.
We eat organic apples because we can't afford to
go all organic, and since apples are on the top of
the dirty dozen list, it at least shows we are
educated about the pesticide-GMO and are not
willingly throwing our family under the bus.
We invite the children's friends and their Mum's
over for playdates and lay out an array of freshly
baked sugarless cakes made with raw honey and
those organic apples we bought, because offering
a big fat Victoria Sponge and instant hot chocolate
clearly screams I don't care about my kids health.
We stock the freezer with 20 frozen dinners we
spent a whole weekend batch cooking so that
after a long day at work or running around after
the kids we can have a good wholesome home
cooked meal instead of throwing a pizza and chips

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in the oven.....the epitome of what bad mothers
do.
We reheat everything in ten different pans over
the hob that we will later spend an hour washing
up, rather than even thinking about using the
microwave because what sane person would feed
herself let alone her kids a nuked plate of
spaghetti leftovers that clearly boarders on being
radioactive, and like the olive oil and non organic
produce will cause cancer.
We mustn't let the kids play outside alone
because there are lots of nasty people out there,
and it is much safer to keep them inside. But we
then must make sure we find something to
entertain them with otherwise we are simply
negligent of our duties if they are bored even for a
blink of the eye, and we don't want the kids
needing therapy when they grow up to fix the
damage imparted upon them for being made to
play without us for a couple of hours.
We bake fluffy cloud bread made of only eggs and
cheese, because eating regular bread is just like
eating a bowl of sugar once those carbs from the

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flour get into the blood stream and spark up the
insulin levels which will eventually cause diabetes.
We drive the kids to ten different activities, clubs
or tuition sessions a week, because if we truly
want them to learn everything they need to learn
and expose them to the world of possibilities,
then we don't want to make them miss out on
something that will mean 15 years from now they
can't get the job they wanted or marry the spouse
(we) desired.
Oh stop!
What are we doing to ourselves? Really.
It's like we think we are the first generation of
mothers to have ever existed, or everything those
who came before us did and knew was clearly all
wrong!
You know what, a Victoria Sponge cake once in a
while won't kill us (eating it every day might). We
don't have to prove to the world we are good
mothers, and we don't need to drive ourselves to
madness trying to keep up with every latest
parenting craze or idea.

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I'm not saying we should bring back the
microwave (I wouldn't) or throw out the wooden
toys (those really are too pretty). But what I am
questioning is why do so many of us obsess about
getting everything so perfectly right?
The wealth of information now accessible, not
only fuels our tanks of worry that we might do
something wrong or not do enough, we miss what
is actually in front of us.....our kids.
But it also it distracts us from what we really
should be spending our time thinking about.
Our mothers didn't worry about the smoking
point of olive oil or entertaining us 24/7. Our
Grandmother's certainly didn't. Go back further, a
hundred years, two hundred, even a thousand.
What has always been important for the Muslim
Mother, throughout every single generation since

Muhammad is raising children to know and

worship Allah.
This is what matters.

84
And we don't need some website or blog with a
picture perfect secret to do this. The answer is
already sitting on our shelf, inside the Qur'an.
And our example is already waiting for us in the
books of hadith and seerah.
And how we can understand the ways to
encapture this into our lives, is by seeking the
Scholars who are the inheritors of this perfect
knowledge.
This is where the answers to perfect motherhood
lies.
This is the secret formula.

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Building a family culture
As Muslim families, we strive to build a home with
a solid foundation of the Qur'an and Sunnah.
We work to raise our children to know why we
were created and what our purpose is bi'ithnillah.
We work to nurture them to love their Creator
and to love to fulfil His commands with both
sincerity to please Him Alone, and in truth upon
the legislated ways the Prophet
‫ صىل هللا عليه وسلم‬taught us.

In this, Muslim households across

the globe share the same basic
morals and values no matter whether we come
from Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Indonesia, Somalia or
little old England. The core of our cultures and
traditions are similar if not the same.
The biggest differences being perhaps we speak
different languages or enjoy different foods, or
find beauty and adornment in different clothing
styles.
But the essence of our morals, our principles, our

86
beliefs, are shared when we apply the Qur'an and
the Sunnah with the same methodology that the
Salaf us Salih understood and adhered to.
Yet with this being said, each family is different.
Each of us, have our own unique family culture,
special to only us, and meaningful to only those in
our households.
Some of us might start every weekend with a
special breakfast so that the family wakes up to
the smell of something nice on a Saturday
morning which makes everyone remember
there's no work or school today.
Others might have a dedicated family night once a
week where everyone will congregate and spend
the evening together laughing, playing, sharing
stories and games besides a warm glowing fire.
Some of us might take a summer vacation every
year to connect with one another and the
creation of Allah, cooking on barbeques and camp
stoves eating toasted marshmallows and drinking
hot chocolate.

87
Some might have story time and tickles, eat
chocolate brownies whilst doing homework
around the kitchen table, home-schooling in the
garden under the shade of a play-forte, cooking
together as a family, weekend picnics in the park,
running barefooted through forests playing hide
and seek, or spending 10 minutes alone time with
Mum or Dad before bed every night.
Whatever it is we do, we are building a family
culture that most likely, our children will continue
and pass on to their children some time in the
future inshallah.
As grownups now, what do many of us do....we
look back fondly at particular memories we have;
things our own parents did and we enjoyed, and
we replicate that now we are grown up with our
own children.
We remember inside family jokes; things that we
look back at and smile. Things which to the
outsider means nothing, but to us, means
everything.

88
Family culture is to cultivate the things we hold
dear to us, and matter to only us; not anyone else.
And in this we are all unique.
We are all building different memories; habits
that will be captured with fondness and love,
passed on from generation to generation.
Don't let someone else's family culture dictate
how you should nurture yours. Be inspired, but
acknowledge and allow your own family to
develop a legacy that is important to you not
anyone else. It is this legacy that will bond you
forever.

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Morning habits
Do you have trouble getting your mornings off to
a triumphant bang?
Do you struggle to be ready in time or get the day
started?
Something you may like to consider is that your
mornings actually start the night before.
Here’s a list of 5 things you can do to kick start
your mornings inshaAllah:

HIT THE WARDROBE

Laying out your clothes before you sleep is a
simple task that can help you switch into day
mode quickly after waking...this can also be a
huge morning time saver for children too.

MEAL PREP
Do packed lunches need to be made? Save the
morning rush and get them made the evening
before.

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SET UP HOMESCHOOL
Slow to get homeschool started? Can you get
activities or lessons set up and ready straight after
homeschool is done ready for the next day?
PLAN YOUR PRIORITIES
With all the things you need to get done
throughout the day, what are the 3 most
important things that if are actioned will give you
the feeling of achievement? Write those down
and get them done.
GET ENOUGH SLEEP
Going to bed late means getting up early will be
H.A.R.D. So make sure you get to bed at a decent
enough time that will allow you to get enough
sleep. Turn off the phone, get into bed and read a
good book to unwind and prepare for sleep. I
know this is easier said than done when you have
babies, however maybe that’s even more reason
you should head to bed a little early so you can
wind down and rest.

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See your value
I always read these kind of little bite size snippets
that might be short in text but packs a powerful
punch of meaning, partly with a little bit of feeling
inspired and partly with a little bit of it’s-so-
cheesy.
But this one here; your value doesn’t
decrease just because someone
doesn’t see your worth, is a message I
felt compelled to share.
I know so many of us are struggling. Struggling
to keep up to the task of running a home and
taking care of children; of being a wife or being
a single mother along with all the other things
you have going on in your life you have to deal
with.
Living in the time we do, the stay at home
mum position really is not valued as highly as it
once was, to the point where those of us who

92
have chosen this position because we genuinely
love it and believe it is the best for our children
and family, take on that feeling of being under-
appreciated.
We put love into preparing a meal that no one
comments how delicious it is.
We clean the bathroom which no one notices and
we walk back in to find dried toothpaste all over
the sink and dirty clothes left on the floor.
We leave things on the stairs hoping the next time
someone goes up, they’ll take it with them...but
no one does.
It is easy for us to feel unvalued when no one
seems to notice the amount of work we do.
But here is the thing. Others not noticing our
efforts doesn’t undermine our value. And when
we keep in mind that ultimately serving our family
is something we do fundamentally to earn the
pleasure of our Lord, then keep in mind that He
sees all the things we do, and it is never
unnoticed.

93
The expert in anything
Was once beginner
Everyone who we may consider knowledgeable or
having expertise in a certain area, once had to
start as a beginner.
There isn’t anybody on this planet who hasn’t had
to start something from a point of knowing
nothing.
When we get married there is always the familiar
joke that as a new bride we don’t know how to
cook. The mother in law is the expert right.
Everything she makes is perfection, and no matter
how hard we try to follow her method and recipe
it never comes out the same.
But here’s the thing to remember...she was newly
married once too. And she has dried out the same
chicken and burned the same rice. She has just
been cooking for so long she has mastered the
art. She knows every knack and hack.
For those of you who are new mothers, weeping
as you can’t figure out how to console your baby

94
and wondering why you’re finding it so hard....we
have all been there. It is hard and there is nothing
wrong with you.
You will get there - and all the advice you hear
people giving you, know that one day that will be
you too. Older, wiser, experienced, passing on
your golden nuggets onto another new mumma
who you’ll see is just like how you once were and
doesn’t yet know what you know now.

My new homeschooling sister, who is struggling

to make it through the day, let me assure you
everything will be okay. And one day in years to
come, you’re going to be the one helping a new
and less experienced homeschooling mum, and so
the cycle of mentorship continues.... beginners
become experts, and experts helping the
beginners.

Be patient. Give yourself time to grow.

95
My child is behind
Your child can’t be in any other place than where
he is right now.
Instead of worrying about how you can get your
child to go up three grade levels by July next year,
let’s ask what is the next incremental step
forward from where he is now?

96
Whatever it is you feel your child is “behind” on -
be that reading, writing, maths or anything else,
there is nothing you can do to “catch up”
overnight…literally. But you can move forward.
And each step forward will get you closer to the
finish line. And the closer you get, the faster you
may find your child is able to go. But for now, take
that first step.
When you try to hurry the process, you feel the
pressure, and often the child feels it too. This only
hinders and slows down progression.
What you can do however, is make that first
move.
If your child is 7 and isn’t yet reading, what is the
next step forward?
If your child is in grade 8 and is supposed to be
working on algebra but still hasn’t fully grasped
place value, then what would be the next step
forward?
If your child hates writing and is barely able to put
together a couple of sentences before throwing

97
down the pencil, then what is the next step
forward from where he is now?
There are many routes to get to the same
destination. Not all children will follow the same
path to get the same results, and not every child
will get there at the same time.
Education is like running a marathon, not a sprint.
We need to warm up, build stamina and progress
at a nice steady pace. ….remember it wasn’t the
hare who won the race.

98
Kids and chores
A thought that came to mind as I asked one of the
kids to empty the dishwasher this morning, I
saw her face drop, and so I thanked her for
serving our family.
With the idea of chores, no one wants to
do them.... Even me!
But really what are chores other than a
necessary means to aiding the family?
When we look at these mundane activities
through a different lens - one that sees service to
others, service to the family, I think the idea of
doing "chores" is given a whole new meaning.
Instead of assigning chores to the kids (the very
word sets the tone for a boring, mundane and
loathsome task no one wants to do) change the
script to ask “can you serve the family".
Try it.

99
Using your space to
Invite learning
When it comes to crafts supplies and
learning resources, so many of us keep
them safely locked away in unreachable
cupboards or shelves; partly because some
things are expensive and we don’t want to
risk damage or loss, and partly because we
don’t want a hot mess to clear up and we
don't trust the kids enough to give them
free access. But in doing this, we need to
ask what message are we giving to our
children about our learning environment?

100
Something to consider is when things are out of
sight, they are often out of mind.
When we have things hidden away in storage,
how often are they thought about? How often do
we ourselves make the conscious decision to get
them out?
Whether you're reading this as a homeschool or
school parent, I know if you're a responsible and
interested Mum, you 100% want your children to
enjoy learning and discovering new things.
What message does your environment at home
give them? What does your learning space say?
• Does it encourage the children to explore and
discover new things?
• Does it invite to creativity?
• Does it welcome ideas and thinking?
• Does it send a message that you not only
support but value their efforts and offerings?
• Does it support yours and their learning
goals?
• Is your child able to access everything she
needs, or does she need to ask for assistance?

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• When she does ask for something out of
reach, do you provide what is being asked for,
or do you say “not now” because either
you’re too busy to go get it, or you just don’t
have the energy to supervise right now?
• When your child has finished working with
something is he able to clear up after himself,
or do you need to go fix that?
Most of us want our children to develop
independent skills in all areas of life and learning.
What we should understand if we want to support
our children in taking control of their own work as
they grow, is that the environment we provide
can either help or hinder that goal.
No matter whether our child is 5 or 15, they are
often capable of a lot more than we give them
credit for and also a lot more responsive to the
messages we give them.

Take a look at your homeschool space, and ask

yourself what environment it is cultivating?
All too often, so many of us proclaim we want our
children to be independent learners, and we want

102
to help provide the skills they need to be able to
do so.
However, if the learning environment doesn’t
send out that message to our children that they
can indeed go and discover, create and explore
independently, what are we telling them?
Pay attention to your homeschool space and the
message it sends to your children.
My family is in our 10th homeschool year
alhamdulillah, and I have to tell you, it sometimes
feels as though I’m always trying to reinvent our
learning space. Just when I think I have the
perfect lay out, things change; kids grow and new
ideas are needed.
Some of you may already have a beautiful large
room dedicated to everything homeschool....I
know you do because I've seen the Instagram
pictures Allahumma barik! And if that is you, still
go and have another look and check that it is
continuing to serve its purpose to meet your goals
inshaAllah.
Some of you like me, may live in smaller homes,
and I realise it is a much tougher task to design

103
your homeschool space, however it is certainly
not impossible. You just need a little imagination.

Honestly, it is not the size of your home or the

scale of your budget that matters in creating a
thriving, inspiring, inviting homeschool
environment. What does matter is you and
what you bring to the table.
You are so important to the atmosphere set at
home. When your children see that you care
about learning and creating new things, they will
want to do more to show you new discoveries and
ideas they're making.
Where your attention goes, they will follow.
If you yourself live a life which promotes discovery
and growth, they will imitate that, and follow you.
Partly because that will just seem like the natural
thing to do, and partly because they thrive on
your attention and will do anything to get your
approval.
• Take advantage of the libraries
• Get into the local country parks to connect
with nature
• Plan trips to museums and local places of
interest

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• Have an area in the home filled with whatever
craft resources you can afford; plain paper,
coloured paper, different sized paper, scratch
paper, pattern paper, scrap paper, water
colour paper, card, glue, watercolour paints,
poster paints, acrylic paints, oil pastels,
sequins, stamps & ink, washi tape, blank
canvases, felt-tip pens, pencil crayons, water
colour pencils, chalk pastels, cardboard boxes,
empty containers, packaging, washed out
empty food tins, beads, stencils, clay, wood
scraps, zig-zag scissors, scrap magazines,
fabric scraps.
• Bring in new books to the house; they don't
need to be new, second hand or borrowed is
fine....the point is to see that continuing
bringing into the home new knowledge to
benefit from.
• Pay attention to what your children are
interested in, and help facilitate their interest
by bringing things they need to them, or
taking then to places they need to go.

Your homeschool task is to create a welcoming

learning space:

105
I want to invite you to have a look at your
homeschool space, and think about how it invites
your children to discovery, creativity and learning.
When I say learning space, I’m not talking about a
homeschool “classroom”, but rather your
environment.
Your homeschool is your home, not a school. And
the properties of home are very much different to
that of school (remember home comes before
school in homeschool)
So when addressing your learning space, think of
home and think of learning; and see how those
can fit together. Do not think of school.
Ask yourself (and to help pull out your thoughts
I'd encourage you to write down):
• What do you want your overall homeschool
environment to say to your children?
• What does it currently say and how does that
match up to what you want?
• How can you transform or reinvent your
space so that it sends out a warm invitation to
your children to encourage their learning
growth and creative workings?

106
• What do you need?
• Can you get everything you need?
• Can you identify cost effective ways to reach
your desired goals?
The biggest take away I want to give you, is our
children's learning starts with us. It begins with
how we show what we value, and how we
translate that into encouragement through the
environment we provide. So make sure yours
reflects and nurtures your family's goal.

107
From survive to thrive
Some days you wake up and there is only one
thing on your mind: survival. Your goal is simply to
get through the day; feed everyone, end the
sibling conflicts without anyone loosing an eye,
and hope that at least some maths gets done.
Survive.
Deep rooted in amongst all the chaos, we know
that there is more to this homeschooling life than
just survival. None of us are home educating so
our family can just merely survive. We want
everyone to thrive.
Yet somehow, the success of the long game
seems to be blown into the waters when the short
game moments of surviving present themselves;
the laundry that needs doing,
the nappies that need changing,
the squabbles that need separating,
the dinner that needs making,
the matted knots of tangled hair that needs
brushing, the tantrums that need calming (and

108
we're not just talking about the kids here!),
the dishes that need washing,
and in amongst all this we need to fit in
homeschool, personal hygiene and sleep.
And so its too easy to go through each day in
survival mode rather than thriving mode. Do what
needs to be done in the moment that presents
itself.
Stop and reflect.
Ask yourself what is it that you really want for
your children? Because you and I both know we
want more for them than to just survive.
What qualities do you hope to cultivate within
them that they will be able to carry and take into
their own adulthood?
Now, take a deep look at your family, and ask
yourself what percentage of your time do you
actually spend intentionally developing those
qualities in your children?
When we are in a state of survival, its really
difficult to pay attention to creating experiences

109
which truly seek to carve a path which allows our
children to thrive not just in the future, but today
as well.
You see, what we're missing is all these moments
of survival we encounter, are in fact teachable
moments to pass onto our children to help them
thrive inshaAllah.
If we take a step back, and allow ourselves to look
objectively at what is going on, being proactive
rather than reactive, we will see that amongst all
the chaos are priceless teachable moments about
love, connection, responsibility and
consequences.
These important lessons help develop our
children's brains, their thinking, their values, their
relationship skills, their character and how they
view themselves.
They are still learning what will happen when they
snatch a toy or hit their brother, they are still
learning what will happen when they tantrum
over maths or empty the liquid soap into the sink
to play with it like slime.

110
Look at the chaos from the perspective of being
teachable moments.
We don't need a lesson plan or to schedule in
time to teach our children about resolving
conflict, managing a home, or getting the right
nutrition.
We teach them these things in each moment
which presents itself...even if the timing is not
quite so convenient.
Keep cool. Stay calm (or at least fake it). We can't
control the speech and actions of others, but we
can control our own. Be proactive instead of
reactive.

Transform these moments of survival into ones

that help you all thrive inshaAllah.

111
Get productive
There never seems to be enough hours in the day.
From the time we wake up in the morning until
the time we lay our heads back down upon our
pillows, there always seems to be something we
need to do...or something we haven't done.
Although a struggle many of us can all relate to,
not everyone does. There are some who seem to
jump straight onto the productivity train leaving
the rest of us lagging far behind at the
procrastination station.
So what is so different about them? And more
importantly, what can you and I do as mothers, to
get the same inshaAllah?
Something I've come to understand, is that
successful people often model the actions of
others who have succeeded before them.
Makes sense right. And we can see this principle
at work from birth.

112
When we were babies, we learnt to master
walking and talking how? By observing successful
examples around us, and striving to mimic what
we saw. We pushed ourselves repeatedly, making
one bumbling mistake and fall after another until
one day, we took that first wobbly step or pieced
together two identifiable sounds forming our first
word.
Fast forward into adulthood, and we find that this
skill of observation and mimicking routes to
success is something many of us have lost. I know
I certainly did.
I want to share something with you which has
been helping me get more out of my day
alhamdulillah. And its something I learnt from
someone else.
Its something so simple, really so simple, but its
effect is huge....and when you read all the way to
the end of the post you'll find a super free
printable planner to help you boost productivity
and beat procrastination inshaAllah!
Set your alarm and get up!
First, you need to wake up. Set your alarm and get

113
out of bed when it goes off. I know that sounds
like a no-brainer. But the habit of the snooze
button is the first hurdle we need to jump...and
jumping it whilst we are warm and cosy in our
beds is hard. So prepare ahead and get into the
habit of going to bed early. I know this is difficult
in the summer with Isha being so late...but its
winter now, so there is no excuse.
Put your alarm away from your bed so you have
to leave it to turn it off. I put mine outside my
bedroom door so not only am I out of bed, but I'm
out of my bedroom....and yes it takes me all my
willpower to go down those stairs.
The early bird catches the worm....and the early
Mum gets more things done! (laughs)

There are so many conflicting studies out there

about the peak of mental and physical
performance. Some say our brains work at a super
high function within the first couple of hours of
waking, whilst others say that optimum brain
activity occurs at different times for different
people.

114
I've seen other studies which suggest that physical
strength also reaches its peak at different times
for individuals.

However, regardless of any of those studies, as

Muslims what may or may not be correct is
ّ
irrelevant when we read what the Prophet ‫َصىل‬
ّ ‫ ٰ ه‬said:
‫اّلل َعل ْيه َو َسل َم‬
It was reported from Sakhr al-Ghamidi, from the
َ ّ َ َ ْ َ ‫َ ّ ٰه‬
Prophet ‫ صىل اّلل عليه وسلم‬who said: "O Allah! Bless
my Ummah in their early mornings." And when he
sent out a detachment or an army, he would do
so in the beginning of the day. Sakhr was a
businessman and he used to send his
merchandise at the beginning of the day, and he
became rich, acquiring a lot of wealth . (Hasan)
Sunnan Abu Dawud #2606
The early morning is indeed a time with barakah.
And getting up early is one of the most powerful
habits you can utilise to increase your productivity
inshaAllah. Truly, you can achieve so much in the
early morning hours in comparison to later in the
day subhanAllah.

115
Honestly, the difference it makes to my day when
I get up early is astounding Allahumma barik…
especially when I'm up and about before the kids
are.
If its something you're not used to, it may take a
little strength to adjust your body clock into a new
rhythm, but stick with it. You will get there
inshaAllah.
To help you awaken early and resist the urge to
climb back into bed, do something that you enjoy
when you first get up.
Whether that is reading the Qur'an, listening to an
audio lesson, taking a shower, reading a book,
exercise....whatever it is that works for you. Begin
with something you enjoy to build into an early
morning routine, to help kick-start your day and
get ahead inshaAllah.
Successful people don't look at their phone in
the morning
Second, leave your mobile alone. Don't touch it. In
fact, make sure you have a regular old fashioned
alarm clock to get you up in the morning. Don't
use your mobile to get you up.

116
I've started putting my phone to bed at night. I
leave it in a drawer in my bedroom and don't
touch it until much later after I've got up the
following day.
Start your day without looking at your mobile and
remain unplugged from the digital world for as
long as you can muster. So many of us have
become accustomed to checking our messages
and emails within minutes of waking up.
You see, what we do when we do this, is we are
starting our day in a state of reaction. We're
reacting to other peoples stuff and their agendas
before we have even had a moment to think
about our own.
So leave the phone for at least an hour after you
awake, and if you can go longer then all the
better. If there is a real urgency or emergency,
someone will call you, don't worry.
But all those watsapp group messages, facebook
comments, Instagram likes and random emails,
are distracting you from your own purpose and
goals.

117
They will still be there later when you are ready to
check in. They aren't going anywhere....trust me!

Define whats important today

So, we're up, and we haven't checked our phone,
now we're ready to chase our real adventures for
the day inshaAllah.
What I want you to do, is think about your day
ahead and all the things you need and want to do
inshaAllah. Take a minute or two and just think.

Now write all those tasks which are important

today. Leave off the things you do daily as part of
your routine, like doing the dishes (unless you
don't do them every day...in which case maybe
this will be important to you to help you develop
daily dish washing into your daily routine). Real
things which matter to you and your family.
I don't tend to include things which are already
pretty fixed into my routine, like reading the
Qur'an or Salaah etc. But if these are things which
you struggle with and want to develop, then

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including them in your written list will certainly
help inshaAllah.
Next, write a reason for why each task on your list
is important, and give yourself a deadline to
complete each one.
Now from your list, mark just 2 or 3 with a small
asterisk (*) that are priority. The things which
really need to be given attention to that will give
you the feeling of success and achievement at the
end of the day. These are the things you want to
prioritise and get done for sure bi'ithnillah.
Why?
Now, let me explain why this is effective, because
you might be like me when I first heard this, and
sat there thinking how is this going to be
helpful...I've tried "to do" lists before and they
never work.
First this isn't a to-do list. Rather its a tool to help
you set out your priorities for the day so you get
the best out of it inshaAllah.

Spending a few minutes each morning (and this

really only needs to take a few minutes, no more

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than 5 and certainly finished by 10), figuring out
what is important today, helps set the day with a
plan which will help prevent procrastination and
increase productivity inshaAllah. Doing this before
you check your phone, gives you the head space
you need to put you and your family first.

Writing helps us to brain-dump everything we're

thinking about doing and trying to
remember. Getting all our important to-dos
(those things which are genuinely important for
our work, development, relationships and all
round growth) for today allows our brain to stop
juggling information and frees it to direct that
energy to other important matters. When we
have it written, we're not going to forget. We
have our back up copy there in front of us.
When you jot down a brief reason for each
task, make it important to you. Even if your task is
for someone else, find a reason why that is
important to you, because this will provides you
with more juice; a greater motivation for going
forward and getting those things done inshaAllah.

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Parkinson's Law
Maybe you are on board with me at this point and
you get why planning out what's important for
the day together with a reason can be something
beneficial, but why set a deadline? Don't
deadlines just create stress? And if we're trying to
create a harmonious, relaxed family and home
life, why do I need to decide that I want to finish
cleaning the bathroom by 10am or finish
homeschool / homework by 5? We're at home,
home doesn't need those kind of timed
boundaries.
That’s certainly what I used to think.
Until I heard about Parkinson's Law.
Parkinson's Law is the adage that work expands so
as to fill the time available for its completion.
What this means is, whatever time scale you have
for any given task, more often than not, you are
going to space out that task so it actually fills that
time.
If you have a project you need to finish in a week,
you will take a week to do it. If you have the same
project and two days, you'll finish it in two days

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(isn't that what most of us did back at school or
university...our assignments might not have been
due for a couple of months but we'd end up doing
it all in the weeks or days before its due...or was
that just me?).
Take my house, when I want to do a full scale
scrub down, it will take the whole day, or the
whole weekend....sometimes it will last the week.
But that phone call from my Dad who tells me he
will be at our front door in the next hour and
boom, I've never had the house ready so fast!

So the point to setting a deadline, isn't to add

pressure, but to help boost productivity and give
that attention to those things that are really
important to you.
I'm not going to lie, I don't always manage to see
to everything. The first day I tried this, I didn't get
to everything I wanted, however, I did get to focus
on a lot more than I normally would have.
Its easy to over-estimate the hours in the day and
what is realistically achievable. But I think that as
time goes on and this tool is used with more

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practice, you get better at judging what is possible
and what truly matters.

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Embrace motherhood
My fellow Mumma and comrade, my dear sister,
we have been given one of the greatest tasks; to
raise and nurture our children to know and act
upon the purpose for which we were all created.
And there is no escaping this obligation, no matter
how we choose to educate our family; whether
we homeschool or not.
This responsibility is more
than merely the
upbringing of
our own family. Rather, this
upbringing will have an
effect on the greater
society in which we live, for
generations to come.

Shiekh Saalih al-Fawzan states3:

“Indeed the woman, as you know, is the

3 The Status of women in Islam page 31, translated by Raha bin Donald Batts published by Authentic
Statements

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counterpart of the man and she is half of the
society and she is the cultivator within the home.
She is as the poet has described:
‫أعددت شعبا طيب األعراق‬ ‫األم مدرسة إذا أعدتها‬
The mother is a school; if you prepare her, then
you have prepared generations of good.”
You have a high status as a Muslim Mother
We have a great role to play as mothers, and
Islam gives us a high station in fulfilling it.
Embrace this role with open arms!
Being a mother is one of the roles we were
designed for, and we do it well....even when we're
tired or just want to be alone, because no matter
how difficult something seems to be, something
inside of us won't let us give up, alhamdulillah.
When we lay our new born baby in her crib, we
have an automatic, innate inclination to watch
and be sure that her chest is raising up and down
to tell us she is still breathing in the middle of the
night.
We can't help it.

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This desire for nurturing and protection of our
children is deep rooted within us.
Don't let modern society have you believe
motherhood is an unworthy or lowly position.
We're living in a time where society looks down at
motherhood and stay at home mothers regarded
as lazy or un-contributing, whereas those who go
outside the home to earn a wage are held as
esteemed and benefiting society.
Don't let the distractions of this Dunyah delude
you into believing this and deny you the great
regard of the task you are doing.
We're not only teaching our children, but
together we're cultivating our whole society.
If we find a string of loving, righteous mothers,
then we find families who are righteous and upon
good.
If we find a string of unrighteous mothers, then
we find families who are unrighteous, no matter
how loving she may well be.
And it is these families, both the good and the
bad, who follow generation upon generation, and

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make our communities what they are.
So embrace motherhood my sister.
You are the captain of your ship.
You are the Queen of your humble little kingdom.
You are more important than you realise as a
Muslim mother
Your role as a Muslim mother is one of huge
importance. So see your value, see your worth
and see your lofty position.
Remember the women who came before you, and
their role in aiding the success of their family's
and indeed their role towards the success of Islam
for all Muslims to this day.
ٰ
Khadeeja ‫ﺗﻌاﯽﻟعنها‬ ‫رض هللا‬
‫ ي‬gave her immediate
support for her husband when he returned afraid
after the first revelation at the cave of Hiraa.
ٰ
'Aisha ‫ﺗﻌاﯽﻟعنها‬ ‫رض هللا‬
‫ ي‬narrated much of what we
know of the Sunnah and our understanding of
Islam's rulings.
The wife of Imaam Muhammad Ibn Sa'ud, advised
her husband to accept and endorse the call of

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Imam Muhammad ibn Abdul Wahaab to return
the people of the Peninsula back to Tawheed.4
The mother of Shiekh Abdul-'Azeen ibn 'Abdullah
ibn Abdur-Rahman ibn Baaz, would constantly
encourage and direct him towards acquiring
knowledge.5
These women, and countless others throughout
history, supported, learnt, taught, advised and
guided towards righteousness those around them.

Your perception of yourself as a Muslim mother,

will effect how you feel
I say this, as a reminder to both of us, because I
know motherhood is filled with challenges, and I
don't say that lightly.
But even with those challenges, we are absolutely
able to get through them inshaAllah.
Your own perception of yourself, and your role as
a mother will greatly influence your feelings and
behaviour in this position.
4
My Home My Path, page 31 compiled by Umm Mujaahid Khadijah bint Lacina al-Amreekeeyah published by
Taalib al-Ilm Educational Resources
5
Jewels of Guidance Volume 1, page 198 translated by Abu ‘Abdullah Mohmmad Akhtar Chaudhry, Published
by Darussalam

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Give yourself the permission to acknowledge the
high status we have and the great contribution
women put fourth in raising their children.
I don't say this to tell you this is all we have to
offer as a Muslim women. Not at all. On the
contrary, motherhood is one part of ourselves,
not the only part.
But the whole point to this article, is to help us
realise our value as a mother, to help us embrace
this part of ourselves in all its glory, and not to
believe that motherhood is the lesser part of
us...rather it is one of the highest and most noble
roles.
Give yourself and those around you, the gift of
seeing your worth as a Muslim mother.
Its paydays are worth more than gold.

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 Self care
It is easy when you start
home schooling to be all
systems go, and dive right
into education and your kids.
Everything becomes about home
schooling, you eat, drink and
breathe home school. Nothing else
seems to matter.
We run partly on the excitement of this venture
and partly on anxiety and fear that if we are not
"on it" we will mess everything up.
Stop. We have to take care of ourselves. If our
tank is half empty, we cannot expect that we can
fill up someone else's. ....and as mothers and
wives we know we need to be able to do that!
When we find ourselves in an aeroplane in
trouble we are instructed to fit our own oxygen
mask first before helping anyone else with theirs.

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Don't put yourself last each and every single time.
Do something which makes you smile. Do
something which nourishes every bit of you,
physically, mentally and most importantly
spiritually.
Whether that is something as simple as having a
cup of tea in a pretty china tea-cup, running a
bath with some essential oils or inviting a good
companion over to share that cup with. Look after
yourself.
The buzz-word in recent years to boost women’s
self esteem is Self-Care.
A big part of self-care in my own opinion, is taking
care of our religion. I see this as the biggest act of
self-care we can give ourselves, truly.
Spend time with the Qur'an, find solace in our
prayer, and learn about that which Allah and His
Messenger have left us with, because no one can
run if the iman tank runs dry, no matter how
many cups of tea or relaxing bubble baths we may
take.

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What to do when husband
Doesn’t want to homeschool?
I have heard this question from sisters; and
certainly more than once. You want to home
educate, but dear hubby doesn't, so what should
you do?
My goal here is to help you get the individual
answers that YOU need...not merely provide a set
of generic pieces of advice and hope they will fit.
So what can you do when you want to
homeschool, but your husband doesn't?

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Firstly I want to take the opportunity to remind
you that as a good father who fears Allah, your
husband absolutely wants the best for your
children just as you do. Do not allow the shaytaan
to come in the middle to cause a rift between you
both whilst you discuss your differing views.
Don’t allow your differences in education
viewpoints cause resentment or frustration;
because you are both on the same team here.
Turn to Allah
One of the most important things you can do is to
make dua’. Ask Allah to guide both you and your
husband to make the best decision for the
education of your children.
We may have our own plan, but indeed Allah is
the Best of Planners. So talk to the One Whom has
control over our affairs.
Be patient with your husband
I was blessed to meet a bunch of home educating
sisters when my eldest was three. We had the
opportunity to attend activities with them and
their children. Once I got talking to these mothers
and was able to see what they were doing with

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their families, I loved the idea of homeschool.
However my husband, at the time did not.
It took around a year of talking with him;
requesting he’d read various articles I wanted to
email him on the topic before his opinion changed
alhamdulillah.
Our daughter had spent the first term of
reception class (3 months) in an “Islamic” school,
and the cracks had began to show quickly.
We found our little four year old would come
home at the end of the day tired, not saying much
about what happened at school. We’d have
around an hour together before it was time to get
dinner ready, clean up and begin the bedtime
routine. It started to feel like we were running a
Bed & Breakfast rather than a family home.
And then there were issues directly with the
school, which although was labelled an Islamic
school; the reality wasn’t really quite so; things in
opposition to Islam were taught. We had been
very naïve in our expectations of such a school
when we first enrolled.

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I remember it was during this winter break after
the first term, that I forwarded a particular article
discussing homeschool to my husband. As soon as
he read it, without moving from the chair he said
our little 4 year old wasn’t returning to school in
the new term.
Gulp.
“really?” I asked panicked.
His decision was made and so our journey began.
Here he is almost ten years later; one of the
biggest supporters of homeschool I know, and is
there to prop me up and remind me of its benefits
during those dark days when I question my ability
to educate my family and the school application
seems so much more alluring.
He needed time to let the idea settle. He needed
time to see the schools that we had available to
us were not what we expected them to be. He
needed time to believe we could do a better job
than the professionals inshaAllah. And he needed
time to see that the professionals did not share
the same outlook on upbringing as we do.

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The point to disclosing this personal account to
you (because I rarely share personal matters) is to
show you that we must be patient with our
husband’s.
As I said earlier, he really does want the best for
the kids just as much as you do, and he knows he
is responsible for the whole household…and that
includes being responsible for you too.
So be patient in talking with him. Many men don’t
like to be told what to do. But most men however,
will indeed listen and consider the
recommendations of their wives when invited to
do so.
Address any concerns your husband has around
homeschool
Many people often have a lot of preconceived
ideas and stereotyped judgements when it comes
to home education, simply because it is relatively
an unknown concept. Most have no experience of
homeschool or home educators until they
become one and so misjudgements are easy to
make.

136
Be open to hear what his concerns are, and
address them one by one.
Continue to invite conversation with him and ask
he read various articles or books on the topic of
homeschool and its benefits that you might send
his way.

Find other homeschool families to talk to

It can be really helpful to find other
homeschooling families near by who you could
invite over for dinner so that the brothers can
speak to one another. Sometimes our menfolk
seem to hear the same message differently when
it comes from another brother; and let's be
honest some times we are the same with our
sisters too.

Give him time

I’ll end with this important point. You yourself
have likely spent a considerable amount of time
thinking about home education and looking into it
before you felt it would be something you’d like
to do with your children. I know because some of

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you message me before you are even married; yet
already know you want to home educate your
future family inshaAllah.
You have had that time to research and reflect
without rushing. So give your husband the
opportunity likewise to have time to do the same.

What are you able to do now?

Keep in mind, we can not control the thoughts,
opinions and actions of others, nor are we
responsible for them. But we are indeed
responsible and in control of our own. Regardless
of whether your husband agrees to jump onto the
homeschool train or sends out for the school
applications, what can you do to ensure you're
able to meet the needs of your children; facing
whatever circumstances you find yourself in today
inshaAllah? - This is where you start, regardless of
what happens next.
As I said at the beginning of this post, the best
way to find what suits your own individual
circumstances is to discover your own answers.
To help you do that grab a pen and paper to

138
answer these questions that have been put
together to help you address what actions you are
able to take whilst your husband maintains his
anti-homeschool position.
As you complete the coaching exercise, do so
knowing that you are working on your own
thoughts and actions through it; not your
husband's for whom you can not control how to
think. These questions are all about you. Not him.
Make yourself a hot drink, grab a pen and sit
down where you won't be disturbed.
• What are my husband’s concerns around
home education?
• What can I do to help address his concerns?
• Why do I feel strongly about home educating
our family?
• How can I convey this to my husband?
• What can I do to help me remain patient?
• If my husband doesn’t agree to home
educate, what am I able to do in order to still
feel my desires for my children can be met
insha’Allah without homeschool?

139
The secret to a successful
Homeschool
To raise and educate your family you don’t need
to develop your skills as a teacher, because
teachers belong in school.
Rather, you’re seeking to develop your skill set as
a mother because it is a mother that your children
need, and a mother who belongs is the home.
Your home, your children, your homeschool all
need you. And with you they will get everything
that they always need insha’Allah.
The secret to a successful and thriving
homeschool has nothing to do with finding the
best curriculum or programme.
The secret (after dua’) is you.

140
You are enough
Access to information has never been so easy.
Many of us are reading books, visiting websites
and talking A LOT to help us figure out how to
make sure we give our children the best start in
life. To make sure they have everything they need
to be successful and happy inshaAllah.
Kids are in school several hours a day, and THEN
are signed up to extra tuition classes; given iPad
to play on the latest innovative maths app that
promises to get them ahead or taxied around to
attend extra curricula activities.
Parents work hard to give their kids these things
because no one wants them to be left behind in
an ever changing, more fast paced world.
But what if there was an easier way?
Our children are only children once. And in our
hurry to make them successful adults, we hurry
away their childhood.
What if we didn't need all these extra things to

141
help them become the best versions of
themselves?
What if we parents were enough?
What if instead of investing money to bring
education and innovative learning to them, we
invested our time.
What if we played more, read a loud more, talked
more, visited the countryside and parks more,
cooked together more....
What if we prayed together more, read Qur'an
more, made dua' more....
Our children need US, they don't need the things
other people are promising they can give them
through their products, toys or services if we pay
enough money.
They need us.
What do you think?

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Teens need excitement
It is easy recognize that our really young
children need us because they are
completely dependent for their every physical
need. However few of us realise that our
teens need us too - probably more so in fact.
Keep them close to you because they need
you more than they ever have before.
We can't say "no" to all the things we know
are not good for them, if we don't provide
another better alternative first.
Teens want excitement. They want new. They
want to discover the world beyond their home.
Don't say no, but leave them with nothing
else. Take them on adventures. Explore the
outdoors. Take them to places that interest
them.
Invite their friends over.
Make a party for them - I remember when I
was 11 I went to visit family in Syria for the
summer. My cousin was 14 and every week

143
took me with her to a different friend's house
where a different girl was hosting a party. They
dressed up, they ate fancy cake, they had fun.
Take them to the Islamic classes and go get a
milkshake or a dessert after its finished. Or if you
don't have access to local circles of knowledge,
stream them live online or listen to the recording
and afterwards grab that milkshake or dessert you
could have prepared together earlier in the day.
Don't say no but leave them with nothing - or
even worse a smart phone.
Be the one to fulfil their need for excitement
before they go out looking for it and finding
someone else who will.

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Trust your intuition
Women have been parenting successfully for
thousands of years; and for
the Muslim woman she
didn’t need a parenting
book to teach her how
to be an amazing Mum;
rather she had the
Qur’aan and the Sunnah.
Today so many of us flock
to the parenting books, blogs,
articles and Instagram pages to
seek out information to help us be
better parents; to fix the problems we
have with our kids; and to find the latest
technique to help us help our children
succeed insha’Allah.
In and amongst all this information that
undoubtedly does provide some benefit, we
loose ourselves. We stop trusting what we

145
are doing. We doubt our ability and the intuitive
connection we have with our children weakens.
When I became a parent it was long before I had a
smart phone and long before Facebook,
Instagram and all these parenting blogs and
websites we find today.
It was just me and my child.
I look back and even though I was a completely
clueless first time mother, because I didn’t have
that immediate how-to information at my
fingertips and knowing what everyone else was
doing, I listened to my child. I connected with her.
I developed a bedtime routine that worked; I
knew when she needed feeding and I knew what I
needed to do to help ensure she slept through the
night.
When we started teaching her to read, we took
turns reading pages, I underlined phonics and
long-vowel sounds in the book to remind her they
connect.
When we started writing I knew she had things to
write about but didn’t know how to spell so I
asked for her story and I transcribed it word for

146
word; and then she copied it.
By age 5 she wrote a 3 or 4 A4 page story that we
had worked on in small parts each day until it built
up into this huge masterpiece.
As time went on and I started reading more, I
started seeing what other people are doing and
recommending, that natural intuitive nature I had
between myself and knowing how to help my
child has weakened. I know it has.
Friends we must trust ourselves and maintain that
intuitive connection we have with our children.
We know what they need if we pay attention.
Don’t get lost in the information forests we find
ourselves in.

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Help like you’re
baking cupcakes
Teach your children maths, English or
science and help them with
homework in the same way you’d
show them to bake cupcakes at
home.
You help; you guide; you model; you
collaborate.
You’d help them measure the flour; you’d
show them how to crack the eggs and you’d
take over to mix the wooden spoon when
their arm aches.

148
In the same way when it comes to their academic
learning it is totally okay to help them solve the
maths problem - show them how it is done, let
them watch you and then you watch them try
after. You help them fix their mistakes and you
celebrate when they are done.
You’re not doing their assignment for them- you
are modelling how it is done so that they can take
over and do it them selves in the same way they
take over baking in the kitchen once they have
run through it with you by their side several
times.
Think about an area of study your child most
struggles with.
Is it maths? Reading? Writing?
What do you think might happen if you sit besides
them and take turns to answer the maths
questions?
Take turns to read a page?
Take turns to write out an answer? Or even talk
through an answer together, you write it and they
then copy it?
Do you think this would make a difference?

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The homeschool expert
Home educating parents are honestly, some of
the most resourceful and creative educators I
have ever seen.
You only have to look to the blogs and Instagram
pages that are full of women posting materials
they have created themselves because what they
required to meet the needs of their children does
not exist.
Home educating mothers across the world are
rethinking education.
They are redefining what education means.
They are education entrepreneurs in the truest
sense of the word.
It is said that to become an expert in anything,
you need to spend 10,000 hours working on it; 20

150
hours a week over ten years.
When it comes to home education there is no
degree to certify you as a home educator; there is
no special training to prepare you for this role.
Rather it is something learned through
experience. Through doing. And home educating
Mummas have reached 10,000 hours "doing" way
before the 10 year mark. .
If you want to know about homeschool, don't go
to the media reports. Don't go to teachers. Don't
go to professional educationists.
If you want to know about homeschool, go
straight to the homeschooling mothers who have
made a career in the educating of their children.
We are the university professors and CEO's of
homeschool that will tell you everything you need
to know about educating your children at home.
We are truly, the only professionals in this field. .

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Farewell message
Whether you are a home educator or a schooler
find like-minded sisters to help build your own
village so that you can give mutual support to one
another and help you on your quest to raise your
Muslim family.
I hope that you found benefit in this publication,
and if you did I would be honoured if you could
help me to share its availability by letting others
know where they can find it on the blog
insha’Allah. Everything today relies on word of
mouth and so by you helping to share on your
social media feeds it helps me to be able to reach
many others.
Facebook Group
I run a free Facebook group for women, set up to
help connect Muslim home educators and school
Mums interested in helping nurture lifelong
learners; to offer mutual support and advice. We
have an awesome group with members from all

152
around the world. I pop in to offer my advice as
do many of the group members. Join us here
facebook.com/groups/muslimhomeschoolers
Other free eBooks
I have two further free PDF guides designed to
answer many of the common queries around
starting homeschool:
8 Step Guide to Starting Homeschool
Homeschooling Your Preschooler
Online Courses
If you are looking for a deeper level of
information, support and guidance, I offer online
courses designed for both home educating mums
and school mums.
Visit the blog to find out what is currently running.
Contact me
info@amuslimhomeschool.com
Facebook.com/amuslimhomeschool
Instagram.com/amuslimhomeschool
t.me/amuslimhomeschool

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