A MODULE IN TECHNICAL ENGLISH 1

TOPIC 5. PRINCIPLES OF APPROPRIATE REPORT WRITING

Intended Learning Outcomes

At the end of the lesson, you should be able to:
1. Revise texts basing on the qualities of a good report such as accuracy,
conciseness, clarity, completeness and objectivity.

Lesson 5. Principles of Appropriate Report Writing

Lesson 5 – A. Accuracy

Accuracy – What exactly happened?

The report is accurate if:

 The information is correct.
 The words are precise.
 It uses specific words rather than vague words.

gunned down instead of killed

beaten to death

clubbed spanked
whacked instead of hurt
batted

Example of a Vague Report:

Sometime in October last year, the security guard of the pharmaceutical company
saw two suspicious-looking men leaving the stockroom, carrying a loaded backpack. The
guard attempted to apprehend the men but they immediately fled on foot. Later, the
branch sales assistant reported that about ten (100) pieces of BP monitors were missing
and could not be accounted for.

Revised Accurate Report

On October 5, 2011 at about 8:00 P.M., duty guard Piolo Malvar of E-Pharma
Company noticed two suspicious-looking men leaving the company stockroom. Each
was carrying a loaded backpack. Malvar called their attention and approached them
but the duo hurriedly fled toward a waiting taxi with plate number OTP 519 which then
immediately sped off. About five minutes later, the branch sales assistant, Criselda de
Cambio reported that about ten (10) pieces of BP monitors were missing and could not
be accounted for.

Vague:
A middle-aged single mother was killed a week ago by a motorcycle-riding robbers
who took the cash she had just withdrawn from a bank in Piat.

Accurate:
Nava K. Nang, a 27-year-old single mother was gunned down on Friday, January
20, 2013 by two motorcycle-riding robbers who took the Php 200,000.00 cash she had just
withdrawn from Philippine National Bank at Sto. Domingo, Piat, Cagayan.

BY: ALVIN T. DULIN, PhD

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Lesson 5 – B. Clarity

CLARITY
Reports that are clear are easy to read and understand. Clarity means freedom
from ambiguity. It means that you don’t need to read the same paragraph over and over
again to understand its meaning. It also means not having to ask “Who did what?” or
“What is that again?” with a corresponding confused face.

A good strategy to make your report clear is to divide long sentences into shorter
ones to allow readers time to breathe and understand each idea.
Additional strategies to make your sentences clear:

1. Avoid elaborate and impressive words

Use simple, easily understood words in your report. Avoid fancy words or expressions
such as the following. (Insert verbal dead woods)

Examples:
Elaborate : The vehicular accident caused bodily impairments to ten passengers.
Simple : The vehicular accident injured ten passengers.

Elaborate : The spokesperson attempted to elucidate PNP’s involvement in the

botched rescue mission.
Simple : The spokesperson attempted to clarify PNP’s involvement in the botched
rescue mission.

2. Avoid double negatives and construct positive sentences.

Negative : Applicants who will not pass this test will not qualify for admission.
Positive : Applicants who will pass this test will qualify for admission.
Negative : The officer did not forget to bring his notes to the court room.
Positive : The officer remembered to bring his notes to the courtroom.
Negative : The procedure observed by investigators was not ineffective.
Positive : The procedure observed by investigators was effective.

CLEAR OR VAGUE?
Pat Bobby Pascual brought in the person of Joel Torres, 21 years old, single of #65
Arcadio St., Sta. Ana, Manila who was apprehended OOA 12:40 A.M. of 10 November
2011 at Plaza Miranda after a brief chase on the complaint of Jose Ariza, 40 years old,
married, of Tondo, Manila that OOA 12:35 A.M. of same date while they, Joey Perez, 37
years old, married, also of Tondo, Manila and Ruben Aco were walking along said plaza,
his friend Joseph Lazo also of Tondo, did not pay the services of a pick-up girl, hence
suspect person together with several male companions, by helping one another, mauled
him, causing him to sustain physical injuries. Further reported that his wallet was lost during
the incident.

REVISED: (CLEAR)
PO3 Bobby Pascual arrested a certain Joel Torres, 21 years old, single and a resident
of #65 Arcadio St., Santa Ana, Manila, on or about 12:40 A.M. of November 10, 2011
following a brief chase along Plaza Miranda. The arrest stemmed from the complaint of
Jose Ariza, 40 years old, married of #42 Leon St., Brgy. Moriones, Tondo, Manila. According
to the complainant, OOA 12:00 A.M. on the same date, he and his friends namely, Joey
Perez, 37 years old, and Ruben Aco, 38 years old, both of Tondo, Manila, were walking

BY: ALVIN T. DULIN, PhD

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along Plaza Miranda when suddenly suspect Torres, with two unidentified male
companions, immediately blocked their way and confronted them. Torres alleged that
Ariza’s friend, Joseph Lazo, failed to pay the services of a pick-up girl that he (Torres)
pimped. Without any reason, the suspect, together with his companions, mauled Ariza
causing him to sustain physical injuries. He further reported that his wallet containing his
identification cards was lost during the incident.

Lesson 5 – C. Conciseness

CONCISENESS
The report is concise if:
 It is brief but substantial.
 It summarizes the events using only pertinent or important details.
 It excludes unnecessary events/details.
 It uses short sentences.

Example:

Wordy : Having been shot, Shala Lala howled in pain and slowly crawled and
dragged her bleeding left leg as she looked for cover.
Concise : having been shot in her left leg, Shala Lala crawled for cover.

Strategies in writing concise sentences:

1. Use active voice instead of passive voice.
Passive : The incident was investigated by a special team.
Active : A special team investigated the incident.
Passive : The thief was nabbed by Pat Cruz.
Active : Pat Cruz nabbed the thief.

2. Reduce long clauses into phrases

Wordy : The suspect who was in the custody of jail guards attempted to flee.
Concise : The suspect in the custody of the jail guards attempted to flee.
Wordy : The man who is sitting beside the mayor is the chief of police.
Concise : The man beside the mayor is the chief of police.
Wordy : The officer who was awarded with a medal of valor is a PNPA alumnus.
Concise : The officer awarded with a medal of valor is a PNPA alumnus.

3. Cut unnecessary words and empty phrases.

Wordy : The team made a decision to clear the area of peddlers.
Concise : The team decided to clear the area of peddlers.
Wordy : PCMS Liban should submit the investigation report at this point in time.
Concise : PCMS Liban should submit the investigation report now.
Wordy : He issued a directive for the purpose of reminding his me of their sworn
duties.
Concise : He issued a directive to remind his men of their sworn duties.

4. Eliminate repetition and redundancy.

Wordy : When asked a question, by a reporter, the witness turned pale.
Concise : When asked by a reporter, the witness turned pale.
Wordy : The request was submitted for the favorable approval of the secretary.

BY: ALVIN T. DULIN, PhD

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Concise : The request was submitted for the approval of the secretary.
Wordy : The team leader presented a brief summary of their activities.
Concise : The team leader presented a summary of their activities.

5. Avoid “nominalization” or using the noun forms of verbs.

Wordy : The analysis of the report by the prosecutor was thorough.
Concise : The prosecutor analyzed the report thoroughly.
Wordy : The inspection of the buildings was undertaken by the fire marshal.
Concise : The fire marshal inspected the buildings.

6. Avoid the use of “there is/are/were” as sentence openers.

Wordy : There were two witnesses who testified against the kidnapping suspect.
Concise : Two witnesses testified against the kidnapping suspect.
Wordy : There is a box of ammunition hidden under the inmate’s bunk.
Concise : A box of ammunition is hidden under the inmate’s bunk.

Wordy:
On March 14, 2009 at about 2:00 P.M., PSSg Salvador Basabas of this station
received an unexpected call from a woman with a harsh voice who introduced herself
as Joana Marie Salonga. According to her, while she was aboard a jeepney going to
Tuguegarao, she saw this station’s mobile patrol abandoned and lying upside down at
Buntun Highway just across the huge three-story complex of Motortrade Philippines, which
opened a month ago. Acting on the information, Police Corporal Roman Sarte, together
with two other police personnel, immediately boarded his vehicle and went to the said
place to check on the incident and verify the information.

Concise:
On March 14, 2009 at about 2:00 P.M., PSSg Salvador Basabas of this station
received information from a certain Joana Marie Salonga that the station’s mobile patrol
car was seen abandoned and lying upside down at Buntun Highway just across
Motortrade Philippines. Immediately, Police Corporal Roman Sarte, together with two
others PNP uniformed personnel, rushed to the scene to verify the information.

Lesson 5 – D. Objectivity

Objectivity (Impartiality/ Fairness)

A report is objective if:

 It uses gender-neutral language.
 It covers all sides of the story and does not slant or favor one side only.
 It does not include opinions, personal judgments and emotional overtone.

* Although the statements of witnesses, victims and suspects may not be objective, it is
important that you as a writer, properly quote or attribute the statements to your source(s)
without adding your personal judgment or conclusions. Write only facts.

Subjective : The suspect was extremely mad and murderous.

Objective : The suspect, armed with a bolo, ran toward a group of bystanders and
shouted “Papatayin ko kayong lahat!” (I will kill all you!)

BY: ALVIN T. DULIN, PhD

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Subjective : An inmate at Iwahig Penal Farm acts strange and crazy.

Objective : AN inmate at Luwahig Penal farm known as Alias Boy Kalawang talks to
himself, shouts and laughs at his fellow inmates for no apparent reason. He is
also seen often times wearing his underwear over his head.

Slanted/Partial:
Upon arrival from work, Mara Santo noticed that her five-year-old daughter Olivia
had bruises, swollen limbs and could not talk. Her Japanese live-in partner Sinichi Kowa
rationalized that the child accidentally fell from the stairs while she was playing. His alibi
was that he was in the comfort room when the accident occurred.

Objective/Impartial:
Upon arrival from work, Mara Santos noticed that her five-year-old daughter Olivia
was covered with bruises, had black eyes, swollen limbs and was unable to talk. When
asked about the child’s condition, Sinichi Kowa, Santos’ Japanese live-in partner who was
alone with the child, narrated that the child was playing near the stairs when she
accidentally slipped and fell. He alleged that he was in the comfort room when the
accident occurred.

Lesson 5 – E. Completeness

A report is complete if:

 It answers all questions that may be possibly asked by the reader – the 5 W’s and
1 H.

Reminder: The WHY part which reveals everything regarding the nature of the “crime” or
action being reported should be carefully constructed in a manner that can be proven
by facts and evidence (real, direct or circumstantial) not by opinions and judgment.

The following questions are necessary in the preparation of good reports.

WHO?
Who was the complainant?
Who was the victim?
Who was/were the witnesses?
Who committed the crime?
Who reported to the scene of the crime?
Who was the officer in charge?
Who handled and received the evidence?

WHAT?
What happened?
What was the nature of the incident or crime?
What did the reporting officer do?
What evidence was obtained?

BY: ALVIN T. DULIN, PhD

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What weapon(s) or tool(s) was/were used in the commission of crime?

WHERE?
Where was the crime committed?
Where did the incident occur?
Where were the tools acquired or obtained?
Where was the victim(s)? Suspect(s)?
Where was the suspect(s) last seen?
Where was the evidence marked?
Where was the evidence stored?

WHY?
Why did the criminal commit the crime?
Why did it occur? (This question seeks to determine the motive of the perpetrator of a
crime or the reason why an incident occurred)
Why were the victims reluctant to talk?
Why so much time passed before the crime was reported?

HOW?
How was the crime carried out?
How was the crime discovered?
How did you (the first responder) go to the scene of the crime?
How was the crime reported?
How did the criminal get away?
How did you get informed regarding the crime?

WITH WHOM?
With whom did the criminal associate?
With whom was the victim last seen?
With whom are witnesses connected?
With whom did the criminal commit the crime?
With whom did you talk at the scene and other places?
With whom did you work at the investigation?

HOW MUCH?
How much damage was done?
How much property was taken?
How much money was taken?
How much information are the witnesses not giving out?

BY: ALVIN T. DULIN, PhD

A MODULE IN TECHNICAL ENGLISH 1

BY: ALVIN T. DULIN, PhD