CLASS MATERIAL

WEEK 14
CEL2103 WRITING ACADEMIC TEXTS
SEMESTER 2, 2023-2024

Editing and Revising the Essay

 Language and sentence errors in an essay

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The following essay contains errors. Read and answer the questions that follow.

Comparison and Contrast Between Nascar and Formula One

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Cale Yaborough said, “Driving a race car is like dancing with a chainsaw.” 2Nothing defines
men sport as much as a motorsport. 3Most people who are obsessed with cars and racing
may know about Nascar and Formula One, the two most respected names in motorsports
today. 4A showcase of brawn and quick wit make motorsports such as Nascar and Formula
One very popular in the world. 5Technically, Nascar is not much difference from Formula
One. 6Both are exceedingly popular, yet they lay at diverse ends of the motorsport’s
spectrum. 7At first glance, Nascar and Formula One may seem very similar; however, a
closer look reveals differences in terms of mechanisation.

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A similarity that both Nascar and Formula One share is that they are both recognised
motorsport competitions. 9Nascar and Formula One are very popular, they draw large
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audiences on television, radio and at live events. Spectators are drawn by the danger,
speed, competition, and displayed of automotive machinery and the drivers behind the
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steering wheels. Since the two competitions have gained reputation for providing
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entertainment and thrill to the fans. Statistically, the total fan following generated by these
two leagues are comparable to that of international football, tennis and athletics (David
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Lange, 2020). In addition, as a recognised motorsport competition, both Nascar and
Formula One are also governed by a ruling body namely the National Association for Stock
Car Auto Racing (NASCAR) and the Federation Internationale de I’Automobile (FIA),
respectively. 14While the FIA was founded in 1904 in Paris, NASCAR was founded in 1948 in
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the United States. Both organisations govern the sporting rules and technicalities that the
drivers and teams must abide while competing which makes both competitions much more
interesting (Motorsport UK, 2021).

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Although Nascar and Formula One have some similarities, they have their own differences.
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The car chassis style is so different that they conduct races in notably different ways.
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Formula One vehicles depend heavily on aerodynamics; on the other hand, as all Nascar
vehicles are using the same chassis, they did not rely so much on the design of
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aerodynamics. Due to the difference in aerodynamics; one can see the distinctions in
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horsepower and speed between the two competitions. Cline (2021) found out that Formula
One cars race at an average speed of about 150 miles per hour and hit top speeds of over
220 miles per hour while the average sped at the fastest Nascar track, Talladega
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superspeedway, is about 180 miles per hour. The driver who won the 2021 Talladega

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Nascar Super Series was Bubba Wallace. Moreover, Formula One vehicles are intensely
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high tech. They are built on light weight chassis, high powered engines, high tech
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aerodynamics and special electronic devices such as traction control. Nascar vehicles, in
contrast, need to conform to a closed wheel template that racing teams cannot claim an
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ample technological advantage over other teams. Nascar’s chassis are heavier and based
on a steel tube frame that use manual gearboxes (Motorsport UK, 2021).

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In a nutshell, although Nascar and Formula One can be similar as a renown motorsport
event, they are very different due to the mechanisation of the cars. 27Both competitions have
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a large fanbase they are respectively governed by an official ruling organisation. However,
the mechanisation of the vehicles in terms of chassis and technology make the two
competitions distinct between one another.

Adapted from Need for Speed: Nascar vs. Formula One Essay. https://lagas.org/need-for-speed-
nascar-vs-formula-one/

Introductory Paragraph

Activity 1
Read the introductory paragraph of the essay and answer the questions below.

1. Identify the hook and the type of hook in the introductory paragraph.
Sentence: _______
Type of hook: __________________

2. The hook for the introductory paragraph is unacceptable. Why?

____________________________________________________

3. Write an appropriate hook for the introductory paragraph.

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________

4. The thesis statement is poorly written. Identify the problem and improve it by writing an
appropriate thesis statement for the essay.
Reason: ____________________________________________________
Correction:
______________________________________________________________

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 _______________________________________________________________________
Body Paragraph to State Similarity

Activity 2
Read the body paragraph to state similarity and answer the questions below.

1. Identify the topic sentence in the body paragraph to state similarity.

Sentence: _______

2. Identify the components of the topic sentence:

 Circle the topic
 Underline the controlling idea
 Highlight the comparison signal word in the topic sentence.

3. Identify the supporting sentences in the body paragraph.

Sentence(s): _______

4. Identify the supporting details in the body paragraph.

Sentence(s): _______

5. List the comparison signal words used.

_________________________________________________

6. Identify sentences that are not related to the topic sentence.

Sentence(s): _______

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 Body Paragraph to State Difference

Activity 3
Read the body paragraph to state difference and answer the questions below.

1. Identify the topic sentence in the body paragraph to state difference.

Sentence: _______

2. Identify the missing component of the topic sentence to state difference.

_________________________________________________

3. Rewrite an appropriate topic sentence to state difference and identify the components:
 Circle the topic
 Underline the controlling idea
 Highlight the contrast signal word in the topic sentence

____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________

4. Identify the supporting sentences in the body paragraph.

Sentence(s): _______

5. Identify the supporting details in the body paragraph.

Sentence(s): _______

7. List the contrast signal words used.

_________________________________________________

8. Identify sentences that are not related to the topic sentence.

Sentence(s): _______

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 Concluding Paragraph

Activity 4
Read the concluding paragraph and answer the questions below.

1. Identify the restatement of thesis in the concluding paragraph.

Sentence: _______

2. Does the concluding paragraph begin with a suitable concluding signal? If no, write the
correct concluding signal.
_________________________________________________

3. The concluding paragraph is missing a component. Identify the component and write the
component to complete the paragraph.
Missing component: ____________________________________________________
Correction:
______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________

In-text Citation

Activity 5
Based on the essay, correct the in-text citation errors.

1. Sentence : ___________
Correction : _____________________________________________________________

2. Sentence : ___________
Correction : _____________________________________________________________

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 Language and Sentence Errors

Activity 6
Identify and correct the language and sentence errors found in the essay.

Language/ Sentence Correction

Sentence error number
Punctuation

Spelling

Subject-verb
agreement

Tenses

Faulty parallelism

Fragment

Comma splice

Run-on

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