1

Resiliency After Parental Separation

Camila Lopez

Chapman University

CSP 500: Introduction to Counseling and Mental Health Interventions

Dr. Zack Maupin

Fall 2023
 2

Parental Separation

Many families experience parental divorce or separation each year, approximately

affecting one-third of marriages in many societies (Xerxa et al., 2020). Separation and divorce

can cause stressful changes in families' social and physical environment. These changes can

dramatically impact the well-being and development of children (Xerxa et al., 2020). Children

from divorced families maintain a risk of developing adjustment problems that can continue into

their adult years (Xerxa et al., 2020). Compared to children from intact families, they exhibit

higher internalizing problems, which involve emotional and psychological challenges, and

externalizing problems, which are behavioral and social difficulties (van Dijk et al., 2020).

Literature Review

This literature review focuses on parental separation and aims to provide an in-depth

analysis of its impact. It will touch on various aspects such as prevalence and epidemiology,

etiological factors like infidelity, and shared risk factors such as parental conflict. Additionally,

the review will explore the concept of resilience and examine how it serves as a protective

barrier in the face of adversity. It will also discuss protective factors such as the role of social

support, school connectedness, and coping skills in decreasing the consequences of risk factors.

Research on divorce will be addressed, primarily due to the scarcity of research on

parental separation among unmarried couples. Both parental separation and divorce share similar

concepts and challenges; therefore, insights will be drawn from divorce-related studies to support

this overview.

Prevalence/Epidemiology

Children across the globe are experiencing a trend of increasing family instability due to

divorce and separation (D'Onofrio & Emery, 2019). This phenomenon is particularly prevalent in
 3

Western countries, with the United States as a prominent example (D'Onofrio & Emery, 2019). It

witnessed an early and high increase in divorce rates that commenced in the late 1960s

(D'Onofrio & Emery, 2019). Presently, in the U.S. today, it is estimated that only about 60% of

children live with their married biological parents (D'Onofrio & Emery, 2019).

Etiology

Parental separation can stem from issues of infidelity. While infidelity can vary in

definitions depending on an individual's values, customs, norms, and cultural backgrounds, it

generally indicates betraying and being unfaithful to one's committed partner (Salih et al., 2023).

The repercussions of infidelity can damage relationships' stability, specifically marriage or

parental connections. Commitment and exclusivity are expected within most relationships,

causing devastating hardships where conflict may appear (Salih et al., 2023). Infidelity also

breaks children's expectations of their parents, thus losing a sense of safety and security (Salih et

al., 2023). Children are more likely to experience distress due to the failure to set expectations

(Salih et al., 2023).

Parental Conflict and Child Adjustment

Exposure to extreme levels of interparental conflict can be seen as a well-established

factor contributing to the high risk of adverse outcomes among children who experience parental

divorce (O'Hara et al., 2019). Studies have highlighted the detrimental impact of parental conflict

on children's well-being, with research suggesting that these negative repercussions are more

pronounced when conflicts involve high levels of hostility or aggression (Lange et al., 2022).

Sorek (2019) also indicated that within the processes of separation and divorce, parental conflict

is a crucial stress factor that shapes children's adjustment difficulties. Further evidence indicates
 4

that interparental conflict may become of greater significance for children following divorce

compared to those in stable parental households (O'Hara et al., 2019).

Post-divorce can jeopardize the relationships between parents and their children because

interparental conflicts can harm parenting, leading to negative parenting behaviors (van Dijk et

al., 2020). Negative parenting behaviors risk a child's healthy adjustment, which, in turn, can

affect their psychological and behavioral development (van Dijk et al., 2020). Essentially, the

quality of the parent-child relationship and the child's well-being are influenced by interparental

conflicts.

Resilience

Numerous children encounter adversities during their formative years, and these

challenges can affect their emotional and psychological well-being, particularly in cases

involving risks such as parental separation. In response to children's experiences with parental

separation, investigators have researched strategies to foster resilience. Resilience is the capacity

of a system to adapt successfully to challenges that threaten its function, survival, or future

development (Masten et al., 2018; Khairunnisa et al., 2020).

Resilience encompasses protective factors that moderate the effects of adversity, each

with distinct roles that touch on the individual's well-being (Masten et al., 2018). It is vital to

acknowledge that resilience is not only a product of individual attributes but also emerges from a

combination of relationships and social support (Masten et al., 2018). Resilience can be fostered

through protective factors, including social support, school connectedness, and personal coping

strategies. These elements contribute to a child's ability to navigate challenges and adversity.

Social Support
 5

Social support is the positive agency that provides emotional, functional, or material

support to help individuals navigate stressful situations (Sorek, 2020). Research found that social

support yields short-term and long-term effects on a child's well-being when experiencing

parental conflicts (Sorek, 2020; Barnova et al., 2019). Sorek (2020) states that children

experiencing dysfunctional family structures benefit from high levels of social support since it

correlates with decreased anxiety levels and fewer behavioral and social difficulties. It also

enhances one's attempts to change a stressful situation, change emotional reactions to the

situation, reduce feelings of loneliness, and increase the sense of control a distressed individual

feels towards their situation (Heerde et al., 2018). Children experiencing parental separation or

divorce from high-conflict families must have a robust support system within the family but also

through external support systems such as peers, teachers, and other school members (Barnova et

al., 2019).

These meaningful relationships are essential in increasing resilience in vulnerable

adolescents (Harmelen et al., 2016). They provide an opportunity to develop social skills and

self-disclosure and assist in developing self-expression and self-worth (Harmelen et al., 2016).

The impact of adolescent friendships provides lower levels of depressive symptoms among those

exposed to childhood family adversities while also contributing to higher rates of resilience in

later life (Harmelen et al., 2016).

School Connectedness

School connectedness is the belief that a student's school, peers, and teachers accept and

support their academic and personal needs (Murphy et al., 2016). Research has revealed that this

sense of belonging or connectedness is a protective factor for children facing adversity because

that sense of belonging toward school is said to represent the basic psychological need for social
 6

acceptance (Murphy et al., 2016; Oldfield et al., 2018). Zhang et al. (2023) and Oldfield et al.

(2018) highlight its significance as a resource for students dealing with life stresses, especially in

households with marital conflict. They can better adapt and cope with stressful experiences

arising from dysfunctional family relationships (Zhang et al., 2023; Oldfield et al., 2018).

Notably, school connectedness is a powerful psychosocial support mechanism that can recoup

deficiencies in parental support systems (Zhang et al., 2023). As a result, cultivating school

connectedness contributes to greater resilience among students (Murphy et al., 2016; Oldfield et

al., 2018).

While positive relationships with teachers and peers are critical components of school

connectedness, Kim et al. (2022) emphasize that building connections with other educators, such

as school counselors, can promote more positive outcomes. Recognizing the significance of

school connectedness helps school counselors determine its impact on adolescents' psychosocial

development (Kim et al., 2022). This understanding can empower counselors to implement

strategies, supporting their students in navigating difficulties like parental problems and

promoting their emotional well-being (Yuen, 2023).

Effective/Personal Coping

Effective coping strategies can positively impact children of separated parents who

experience ongoing interparental conflict through active and secondary control methods. Active

coping strategies focus on addressing and changing the consequences of one's reaction to a

challenging situation (O'Hara et al., 2019; Camisasca et al., 2017). Research that examines

children's active coping in the aftermath of divorce has shown that children who reported using

active coping strategies experienced lower levels of anxiety, depression, aggression, and other

externalized behavioral problems (Sorek, 2019). Secondary control methods, on the other hand,
 7

emphasize adapting to the situation with distractions and positive thinking (O'Hara et al., 2019).

These techniques may result in a decrease in mental health problems caused by ongoing parental

conflict (O'Hara et al., 2019).

Children's capability to use adaptive coping strategies, often linked to their coping

self-efficacy beliefs, may help them navigate parental conflict (Brummert et al., 2017). Coping

efficacy centers on appraising children's own coping efforts' effectiveness during stress-induced

moments (O'Hara et al., 2019). These moments of appraisal can, therefore, influence emotional

responses and incentivize individuals to continue using coping strategies to manage challenging

circumstances, such as parental divorce (O'Hara et al., 2019).

Methods

Procedure

Journal articles for this research were collected from Chapman University's

ERIC-EBSCO online library database, utilizing specific keywords in the search process. These

keywords were "parental separation," "divorce," "effective coping methods," "interparental

conflict," "social support," "school connectedness,” and "resilience.” This study was conducted

as a qualitative interview with a participant from a mutual acquaintance who generously shared

her experiences. The interview was conducted in person, within a study room at the interviewee's

school, and lasted approximately an hour. The interview process involved manual note-taking

and a comprehensive range of questions covering her background, family structure, and life

before, during, and after her parents' separation.

Interviewee

Abby is a 24-year-old Filipino female born and raised in the Philippines. When she was

two, her parents gave birth to their second child. Soon after Abby's brother was born, her parents
 8

decided to migrate to the United States, leaving Abby behind in the care of her uncles and aunts.

Despite her parents' absence during childhood, she found comfort and love within her extended

family, who provided her with love, warmth, and support. However, her parents and brother

would visit her once a year to spend time with the family during the holidays. In 2006, when

Abby was seven years old, her parents brought her to the United States.

As Abby grew older and reached the age of ten, she began to observe changes in her

parents' relationship. Their arguments, which often revolved around marital issues and infidelity,

became a regular occurrence. Abby felt isolated and without any source of support, especially

because she was miles away from those who made her feel safe. The arguments between Abby's

parents persisted, especially when her mother began working late nights. This led to her father's

verbal aggression upon her return home, which resulted in frequent arguments that occurred most

nights of the week. Arguments between her parents continued for two more years before a

significant shift occurred in their relationship. One night, Abby was awakened by the loud voices

of her parents bickering, but her mother's screams grew louder than usual. She walked to their

room in fear and was confronted by her father physically abusing her mother. It did not take long

for her parents to separate after this occurrence. Her mother left their household, so Abby now

lived with her brother and father. Her father disapproved of Abby maintaining contact with her

mother, so Abby would only see her once a year. Abby realized the parental separation's impact

wasn't fully set until she reached 13. Throughout middle and high school, she yearned for that

motherly figure, leaving a void that needed to be filled. However, as she entered sophomore year,

Abby began to find new support and connections that filled the void. She built meaningful

relationships with her classmates, and these connections enhanced her personal growth and
 9

well-being. As a result, she has made significant progress and continues to spend time with those

who have supported her through the adversity she faced.

Findings

Abby's household needed more support and guidance due to the conflict and family

background. Despite these challenges, she ultimately emerged as an inspirational individual. She

identified three elements that nurtured her resilience during her journey: social support, school

connectedness, and personal coping strategies. These elements were her protective factors,

helping her resilience from parental separation in the face of adversity.

Social Support

Following Abby's parents' separation, her home no longer felt like a sanctuary, so she

began to occupy herself in school. By befriending peers, Abby began to feel genuine love, care,

and support through these friendships, decreasing her previous loneliness (Heerde et al., 2018).

These friendships eventually became a light in her life, providing the companionship she longed

for. As she engaged in these connections, she felt emotional support and developed social skills,

self-expression, and a sense of self-worth (Harmelen et al., 2016). Through social support, Abby

experienced high levels of resilience by exploring her identity and developing self-love (Barnova

et al., 2019; Harmelen et al., 2016). This power of resilience empowered Abby to overcome the

challenge of parental separation, allowing her to develop strength and self-assurance.

School Connectedness

Abby dedicated most of her time at school by immersing herself in extracurricular

activities, clubs, and after-school programs. This school engagement filled her schedule and gave

her a sense of belonging and acceptance. Murphy et al. (2016) and Oldfield et al. (2018) state

that this sense of belonging fulfills the psychological need for social acceptance, a need Abby
 10

successfully met through her involvement in school. This shift was significant, considering she

had felt like a burden in her household. Developing a deep connection with her school

community brought decreased sadness, loneliness, and stress. This aligns with the research

findings indicating that those who feel connected to school experience reduced loneliness and

stress (Zhang et al., 2023; Oldfield et al., 2018). This connection acted as a positive change in

Abby's life. She was able to learn how to manage the stress her parents brought upon her and

cope with her parent's separation by spending her time in a place she felt connected and

accepted. With these changes, she was able to excel academically, enhance her sportsmanship,

broaden her social circle, and seek guidance from school professionals.

Effective/Personal Coping

Abby recognized that acquiring a variety of coping mechanisms would help her navigate

through her parent's separation. She integrated coping strategies into her life, such as secondary

control methods, which utilize distractions and positive thinking to overcome difficulties (O'Hara

et al., 2019). This resulted in a remarkable enhancement of her overall well-being. These coping

strategies not only empowered her to navigate the ongoing conflicts within her household

stemming from her parent's divorce, but they also led her to engage with her peers and prioritize

self-care. This brought a significant shift in her perspective on life, allowing her to gain a more

positive outlook, which, in turn, led to a reduction in her stress levels and the dispersion of the

clouded mindset she had initially harbored (O'Hara et al., 2019). As she embraced these coping

strategies, she gained the confidence to confront and manage stressful situations. So, when her

parents continued in ongoing conflicts, Abby found that she no longer experienced the same

degree of stress and hopelessness that had initially weighed her down at the beginning of their

separation.
 11

Discussion

This study aimed to explore the aspects of resilience in children dealing with parental

separation. Following an in-depth case study involving Abby, key themes were revealed that

shaped her path to resilience: social support, school connectedness, and effective personal coping

strategies. Exploring these protective factors within Abby's life marked a significant shift,

shielding her from the ongoing adverse effects of parental separation. By fostering these

connections, she established a sense of belonging with external sources, empowered her to

discover her strength, and played a significant role in her journey towards resilience.

Implications

Educational professionals, including school psychologists and school counselors, are

critical in serving as support systems for students in the school environment. Within the school

setting, they can create a safe, inclusive, and nurturing environment where students can thrive.

Moreover, they can guide students in exploring resources available within the school, such as

clubs, extracurricular activities, and sports, providing a haven for students to prosper and find

themselves. School psychologists and counselors can extend their support beyond school

grounds by making referrals to external resources that greatly benefit students who require

additional assistance or seek outlets, especially when a home does not feel like a haven. They can

also become essential adult figures for students who may lack a sense of security or comfort

around their parents. Establishing these connections with adult figures can significantly impact

students' overall well-being. Students need to experience a sense of safety and belonging in their

educational institutions, especially when they may not feel secure at home or grapple with

challenges they wish to escape. For students, school can become a sanctuary away from the

negative aspects of their lives.

 12

Further research into resilience among children exposed to parental separation can offer

more implications for school psychologists and counselors. While existing research has yielded

information and resources on children and their experiences in the context of parental alienation,

there is a need for more research concerning the influence of culture and family dynamics during

parental separation. The interviewee of Filipino descent highlighted how cultural perspectives

can significantly differ from one's parents. Therefore, research on cultural variations can equip

school psychologists and counselors to understand these differences better, enabling them to

identify culturally sensitive resources to support their students more effectively.

Limitations

While the study revealed extraordinary insights into the protective factors affecting

individuals undergoing parental separation, it is important to acknowledge several limitations

within this research. First and foremost, it is essential to recognize that Abby represents just one

of many individuals navigating parental separation. As a result, the findings from her experience

may only partially generalize to the broader population with this adversity. A second limitation

arises from Abby's specific cultural and demographic background as a person of Filipino

descent. Her experiences are connected with her unique cultural context, so they may only

sometimes apply to individuals from different cultural backgrounds. The third limitation pertains

to the distinctiveness of Abby's circumstances. Her parents' marital status, which differs from a

more conventional position, sets her experiences apart from those whose parents follow a more

traditional group. This distinctiveness might affect the variations in her experience compared to

others.
 13

References

Barnová, S., Tamášová, V., & Krásna, S. (2019). The role of resilience in coping with negative

parental behaviour. Acta Educationis Generalis, 9(2), 93–106.

https://doi.org/10.2478/atd-2019-0010

Brummert Lennings, H. I., & Bussey, K. (2017). The mediating role of coping self-efficacy

beliefs on the relationship between parental conflict and child psychological adjustment.

Social Development, 26(4), 753. https://doi.org/10.1111/sode.12241

Camisasca, E., Miragoli, S., Di Blasio, P., & Grych, J. (2017). Children’s coping strategies to

inter-parental conflict: the moderating role of attachment. Journal of Child and Family

Studies, 26(4), 1099–1111. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-016-0645-9

D’Onofrio, B., & Emery, R. (2019). Parental divorce or separation and children’s mental health.

World Psychiatry, 18(1), 100–101. https://doi.org/10.1002/wps.20590

Heerde, J. A., & Hemphill, S. A. (2018). Examination of associations between informal

help-seeking behavior, social support, and adolescent psychosocial outcomes: A

meta-analysis. Developmental Review, 47, 44–62.

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dr.2017.10.001

Howell, H. K., Barnes, E. S., Miller, E. L., & Bermann-Graham, A. S. (2016). Developmental

variations in the impact of intimate partner violence exposure during childhood. Journey

of Injury and Violence Research, 8(1), 43–57. https://doi.org/10.5249/jivr.v8i1.663

Kim, H., Carney, J. V., & Hazler, R. J. (2023). Promoting school connectedness: A critical

review of definitions and theoretical models for school-based interventions. Preventing

School Failure, 67(4), 256–264. https://doi.org/10.1080/1045988X.2022.2119359

 14

Khairunnisa S., Chandradewi K., & Ratih L. (2020). Gratitude and resilience among adolescents

who have experienced parental divorce. Psychological Research on Urban Society, 3(1).

https://doi.org/10.7454/proust.v3i1.59

Lange, A. M. C., Visser, M. M., Scholte, R. H. J., & Finkenauer, C. (2022). Parental conflicts

and posttraumatic stress of children in high-conflict divorce families. Journal of Child &

Adolescent Trauma, 15(3), 615–625. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40653-021-00410-9

Masten, A. S., & Barnes, A. J. (2018). Resilience in children: developmental perspectives.

Children-Basel, 5(7), 98. https://doi.org/10.3390/children5070098

McCaw, B., & Miller, E. (2019). Intimate partner violence. The New England Journal of

Medicine, 850-857. https://doi.org/10.1056/nejmra1807166

Murphy, E. L., & McKenzie, V. L. (2016). The impact of family functioning and school

connectedness on pre-adolescent sense of mastery. Journal of Psychologists and

Counsellors in Schools, 26(1), 35–51. https://doi.org/10.1017/jgc.2015.17

O’Hara, K. L., Sandler, I. N., Wolchik, S. A., & Tein, J.-Y. (2019). Coping in context: the effects

of long-term relations between interparental conflict and coping on the development of

child psychopathology following parental divorce. Development & Psychopathology,

31(5), 1695–1713. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0954579419000981

Oldfield, J., Stevenson, A., Ortiz, E., & Haley, B. (2018). Promoting or suppressing resilience to

mental health outcomes in at-risk young people: The role of parental and peer attachment

and school connectedness. Journal of Adolescence, 64, 13–22.

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2018.01.002

Salih, L., & Chaudry, S. (2023). Exploring the lived experience of parental infidelity. Journal of

Family Studies, 29(1), 407–430. https://doi.org/10.1080/13229400.2021.1956997

 15

Sorek, Y. (2019). Children of divorce evaluate their quality of life: The moderating effect of

psychological processes. Children and Youth Services Review, 107.

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2019.104533

Sorek, Y. (2020). Grandparental and overall social support as resilience factors in coping with

parental conflict among children of divorce. Children and Youth Services Review, 118.

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2020.105443

van Dijk, R., van der Valk, I. E., Deković, M., & Branje, S. (2020). A meta-analysis on

interparental conflict, parenting, and child adjustment in divorced families: Examining

mediation using meta-analytic structural equation models. Clinical Psychology Review,

79. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2020.101861

van Harmelen, A.-L., Gibson, J. L., St Clair, M. C., Owens, M., Brodbeck, J., Dunn, V., Lewis,

G., Croudace, T., Jones, P. B., Kievit, R. A., & Goodyer, I. M. (2016). Friendships and

family support reduce subsequent depressive symptoms in at-risk adolescents. Plos one,

11(5), 1–20. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0153715

Xerxa, Y., Rescorla, L. A., Serdarevic, F., Van IJzendorn, M. H., Jaddoe, V. W., Verhulst, F. C.,

Luijk, M. P. C. M., & Tiemeier, H. (2020). The complex role of parental separation in the

association between family conflict and child problem behavior. Journal of Clinical

Child & Adolescent Psychology, 49(1), 79–93.

https://doi.org/10.1080/15374416.2018.1520118

Yuen, M., & Wu, L. (2023). Relationship between school connectedness and psychological

well-being in adolescents: a meta-analysis. Current Psychology: A Journal for Diverse

Perspectives on Diverse Psychological Issues, 1–16.

https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-023-05164-1
 16

Zhang, Z., Wang, Y., & Zhao, J. (2023). Longitudinal relationships between interparental conflict

and adolescent depression: Moderating effects of school connectedness. Child Psychiatry

& Human Development, 54(5), 1489–1498. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-022-01355-2

 17

Reflection

Listening to Abby's story left me feeling touched and emotional. Her experience during her

childhood, from having both her parents in ongoing arguments to the absence of her mother, left me

deeply moved. Her expression of her emotions and the grieving process for her mother’s presence

showcased how difficult it was to navigate through that at the beginning of her parent's separation.

Listening to how she overcame these challenges through her protective factors was heartening. It was

interesting to hear how much protective factors impact someone experiencing hardship. Abby’s story

shed light on protective factors’ impact on individuals overcoming adversity.

During our interview, Abby compared her story, which has stuck with me since. She

compared her journey to a rollercoaster–initially frightening, marked with ups and downs, yet

ultimately, resulting in a sense of pride for going through it. That analogy was an inspiring moment

in itself. At the beginning of the interview, she expressed feelings such as sadness, anger, and

confusion. However, as the interview continued, she began to laugh, smile, and share joyous

moments. Witnessing that emotional shift was also inspiring because it shows how resilience has

become a defining aspect of her life.

Abby's story reminded me a lot of my upbringing because I grew up in a household with an

alcoholic parent, a circumstance that caused frequent arguments throughout the week. Because they

were constantly arguing, I felt isolated and alone since I did not have parental support throughout my

childhood. Similarly to Abby, the absence of a close bond with my brother further affected the lack

of support within our home. Reflecting on her story and recognizing the connection with my own

experience created a more emotional connection because it felt like we had a sense of mutual

understanding. Abby’s story was touching and inspirational, and it was an honor to speak to her and

hear her story.