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Late Marriages in Kashmir(India),-a Detailed Study

Article · January 2022

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Irfan Wani
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 Late Marriages in Kashmir(India),-a Detailed Study

Marriage is not just a legal bond between man and woman, it is social
sanction that allows two opposite genders to live together. Marriage is
not only about physical intercourse between male and female but acts
as a bridge which connects two souls and generates the feeling of
oneness. It lays down the foundation of the family and thus maintains
the structure of society. The rituals and practices related to marriage
are not the same everywhere. They vary from culture to culture but
some essential and fundamental principles are mandatory in every
society to make marriage functional and socially accepted. Among
these pivotal principles, a suitable age is important. It is interesting to
note the drastic change over the years in the matter of this suitable
age. It was premature in the past and is too late in the present.
Kashmir has been as affected as any other region by modernity,
materialism, and cultural diffusion, which directly or indirectly affect
the age of marriage. Bashir Ahmad Dabla, who was a professor in the
department of sociology and social work at Kashmir University, carried
out a study in 2007 titled, “Emergence of late marriages in Kashmir,” in
which he found that during the last 30-40 years, the average marrying
age has increased from 24 to 32 for men and from 21 to 28 for women.
Before 1989 the average age of marriage in Kashmir was 23 years for
males and 20 years for females.
There are innumerable causes for this increase in the age of marriage in
recent years. The first and foremost is the securing of a good job and
higher status in society. For this both males and females but especially
males spend many years of their life in completing higher education,
after which they spend a few years in employment. A person studying
for a doctorate (Ph.D.) will take a minimum of five years to earn the
degree and another one or two years to find a job. Generally, such a
person gets to marry at the age of 33-35, which is not biologically a
fertile age for procreation.
The dowry system is another major cause of late marriages in Kashmir.
A survey conducted in 2016 and 2017 in downtown area of Srinagar by
the Tehreek-e-Fahalluh-Muslimeen Trust revealed that there are about
10,000 girls who have attained or even passed marriageable age but
whose parents are too poor to pay dowry. This is a big blot on the face
of Kashmiriyat. Educated persons also demand dowry, which is not just
unfortunate but evil. Besides the dowry system, other customs like
wazwans, jewellery, copperware and other gifts exchanged during
marriage also take a heavy toll on both families. These rituals and
customs not only ruin poor people but also saddle the middle-class with
a heavy burden. Fayaz Zaroo, owner of Humasafar marriage
counselling, has said that ”the expenditure of a conventional marriage
ranges between Rs 5 lakh to Rs 30 lakh.”
Though modernity has changed the perspectives of people, the caste
and class system continue to influence marriage. Many families in
Kashmir give preference to endogamous marriages. They are not willing
to marry outside their caste. In addition to this, a new ideology has
been created among the youth of Kashmir, especially among males,
which is to prefer a woman who is well educated or has a job. Thus, the
women who are not well educated or professionally employed find
their chances of marriage sliding further down.
A non-government organization (NGO) Tehreek e Fala-Ul-Muslimeen
revealed that around 50 thousand Kashmir girls are still unmarried
despite crossing the marriageable age. Ten thousand of them belong to
Srinagar district.According to a report published in the Kashmir Walla,
the unnecessary trends and rituals are responsible for the emergence
of late marriage in the valley.

The NGO found that apart from financial constraints and dowry
demands, competition in give-take formalities is responsible for delays
in marriages.
A couple at a marriage function in Srinagar. Shahid Tantary

Saima is working in a private firm for the last seven years and earns Rs
4,500 a month. Saima's family has been looking for a match for the 38-
year-old post graduate in social science for the last eight years with no
success.
Every time a matchmaker finds a suitable boy, the proposal has not
fructified for reasons ranging from she is from downtown Srinagar to
working in a private company and demand of dowry.
‘’Recently I was rejected by a family as the boy was unhappy that my
house has no lawn and no parking space. Similarly, one of the family
rejected me as I was working in a private company. I have lost hope of
getting married now,” dejected Saima told.The story of Iqra (36) from
uptown Srinagar is no different. Her family has hired the services of at
least three matchmakers to find suitable a boy for her.“However, when
a suitable boy is available, the prospective groom rejects as my
daughter isn’t in a government job. Boys prefer to marry girls with
government jobs,” says Iqra’s father.
“Marriage of my daughter is already delayed by many years. As she is
highly educated, we are looking for a suitable match further adding to
the delay,” he added.
These aren’t the isolated cases in insurgency-hit Kashmir. There are
thousands of Saimas and Iqras in Kashmir and especially in Srinagar
who are not getting suitable grooms and some have even crossed the
marriageable age limit.

With society holding employment as the basic “pre-requisite” for

getting married, the drying up of government jobs -- biggest employer
in Kashmir-- has rendered thousands of educated youth ineligible for
marriage.
Jehangir Ahmad, a post-graduate, says that fear of unemployment isn’t
allowing him to get married. “It creates a sense of insecurity and
frustration among marriageable boys and girls leaving them with an
uncertain future,” he said.

The desire to go in for higher education has added to the rise in average
marrying age in Kashmir, as higher education followed by “proper”
employment is a highly time-taking process in Kashmir.
According to unofficial estimates, there are thousands of boys and girls
in Srinagar alone who have either crossed or are about to cross the
marriageable age.
As unemployment is growing in Kashmir, most of the hapless souls are
dependent on their parents and the very realisation of being a burden
on their families is stopping them from marrying and taking additional
responsibilities.
A recent survey conducted by Kashmir University’s Sociology
Department reveals that dowry and rampant unemployment were the
chief reasons for delayed marriages.
The study “Emergence of late marriages in Kashmir” says that the
average marrying age has increased from 24 to 32 years in boys and for
females 21 to 28 years in the last two decades.
The other alarming aspect, the survey reveals, is the emergence of pre-
marital sex in an otherwise conservative Kashmiri society. “There is an
inverse relationship between late marriages and the practices of pre-
marital and extra-marital relations among the youth.
Out of 1,500 respondents, more than 64 per cent revealed that late
marriages caused and effected the pre-marital relations among the
youngsters,” it reveals. Since sex is a
biological need, the youth want to satisfy themselves through any
means.

“At least 182 respondents said that sex control wasn’t possible as it was
at its peak at an younger age. Another 219 respondents revealed that
late marriages had led to extra-marital relationships, especially among
the elder and married members of the society,” the study says.
Prof Bashir Ahmad Dabla, Head, Department of Sociology at Kashmir
University, attributes poverty, unemployment, dowry, modern
education and more than two decades of conflict as major reasons for
late marriages in Kashmir with a nasty fallout on its socio-economic
fabric.

The trend has devastating consequences like psychiatric problems,

suicides, drug addiction, pre- and extra-marital affairs, sex scandals and
a spurt in divorces, he said.
“The decrease in population at family level, mental depression, increase
in
suicide rate, encouragement to immoral activities and pre-marital sex
are some of the consequences of late marriages which we found during
the survey,” the principal investigator of the empirical survey, Prof
Dabla told Deccan Herald.
He said the socio-economic and politico-educational developments in
Kashmir had radical changing impact on the practices, rituals, values
and norms of marriage especially related directly to late marriage.
“Also, political developments in the last 22 years of militancy had
further impacted the traditional pattern of late marriages,” Prof Dabla
added. Asked whether the late marriage scenario was same in rural
Kashmir, he says: “The situation is better in countryside compared to
Srinagar and towns.Social fabric is still intact in rural areas due to which
situation is comparatively better.”

Asima Hassan, a scholar at Kashmir University who has conducted a

research on impact of conflict on youth, says the present trend is
leading the society to a disaster.

“Demographic composition of the Valley is getting affected due to late

marriages. Sociologically, it affects the most active group in terms of
roles, as they become less contributing.

The number of single men and women in Kashmir has gone up to 65 per
cent. They comprise 45 per cent females and 20 per cent males,” she
said.

Asima said the trend increased at an alarming pace during the last one
and half decades. “We had not seen such a phenomenon 50 years back.
There were boys and girls of 20 years age getting married, but now, the
age has increased from 20s to 30s in most of the marriages happening
 nowadays. Singlehood is one of the worst fallouts of the armed conflict
in the Valley,” she added.
Though weddings had become a low-key affair post-1989 as gun battles
and
frequent curfew restrictions didn’t allow the hosts to indulge in
traditional extravagance, situation changed after early 2000 with the
return of normalcy.
Weddings ceremonies have returned to their former lavishness which
has brought on the self-imposed burden of spending beyond ones
means.
Again, most of the hosts dish out ostentatious feasts whose sheer
wastefulness makes them a sort of status symbol across the valley.

SOURCE:KASHMIR WALLA, DECCAN HERALD,GREATER KASHMIR

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