Claim Me: An Omegaverse Story

(Finding Free Book 7) A.M. Arthur

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CLAIM ME
FINDING FREE BOOK SEVEN
A.M. ARTHUR
 CONTENTS

Blurb
Dear Reader
Family & Nickname List

1. Eight Years Ago

Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23

Also by A.M. Arthur

About the Author
 BLURB

Alpha Rei Bloom has spent the last three years waiting on the sidelines while his best friends find
their mates, have children, and settle into their new lives. He’s lonelier than he’ll admit to anyone and
longs for an omega mate of his own. But even though he’s the son of the mayor, what omega will want
a blind alpha masseuse for their mate?
Omega Kinley Tetch is stretched thin and desperate. Between taking care of his two younger
siblings, making sure their alcoholic sire doesn’t gamble all their money away, and dancing for tips at
a local gentlemen’s club, he has no time to even consider mating. Not until a private dance for a hot,
blind alpha sends Kinley into his first heat—and far away from the alpha who triggers it.
Rei is determined to track down the mysterious omega dancer whose irresistible scent suggests
they share the mating bond, but Kinley’s family situation has deteriorated. His brothers are in danger
of being taken away by family services, his sire is missing, and while taking an alpha mate isn’t part
of the plan, it would give Kinley grounds for custody. But when Rei learns the dark ways in which his
and Kinley’s parents are connected, will they find a way to reconcile their pasts and claim each other
in the present? Or was their romance doomed from the start?

CLAIM ME is the seventh book in the “Finding Free” omegaverse series, which is a spin-off of the
fan-favorite “Breaking Free” series. This is an original universe featuring mpreg, A/B/O dynamics,
heats, knotting and an alpha-dominated society that is starting to see advances in omega rights.
Content warnings for dark themes apply.
CLAIM ME

Copyright © 2022 by A.M. Arthur

First Edition
All rights reserved. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, or stored in or introduced into any information
storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, without the express written permission of the author.
All characters and events in this book are purely fictional and have no relation to anyone bearing the same name or names.

Cover art by Sloan J Designs

Briggs-King Books
Created with Vellum
 DEAR READER

Welcome back to Sansbury Province and the world of Finding Free. I’m thrilled to bring you the next
installment in this ongoing saga of family, love and drama as yet another member of the next
generation finds his happily ever after.
Fans have been asking for Rei Bloom’s story ever since Save Me, and I honestly thought his story
would have come sooner. But Rei had a lot of personal growth to achieve before he was ready to
meet his mate. Plus, I hadn’t discovered his omega yet. Not until Kinley walked onto the page and
introduced himself, his family, and his connection to the Blooms. I hope you enjoy their journey
toward love, reconciliation and redemption.
Included again is the Family List to refresh your memory of who’s mated to who, which kids
belong to which Breaking Free couple, and what everyone’s gender is. Even I refer to it while
writing, because it’s a big cast. And it just keeps getting bigger. Also included is a list of nicknames
the boys use for their respective parents.

Happy Reading!
A.M. Arthur
 FAMILY & NICKNAME LIST

Note: Genders are designated with A, B, O (alpha, beta, omega).

Tarek (A) and Braun (O) Bloom. Mated couple. Rei Bloom (A) is their only biological child.
Ronin (A) and Kell (O) Cross. Mated couple. Branson Cross (B) is Kell’s biological child with
another alpha. Twins Emory (O) and Caden (A) are Kell and Ronin’s biological children.
Karter (A) and Jax (O) Jenks. Mated couple. Karson Jenks (O) is Jax’s biological child with his
first, late mate. Jaxson (B) and Jenson (B) are Karter and Jax’s biological children.
Dex (B) and Serge (B) Freel. Married couple. Gaven Freel (A) is their only adopted child.
Isa (A) and Liam (O) Higgs. Mated couple. Aven (B), Tarius (B) and Demir (B) are Isa’s
biological children with his first, late mate. Layne Higgs (O) is Liam’s biological child with another
alpha. Linus Higgs (A) is Liam and Isa’s biological child.
Morris (A) and Jaysan (O) Danvers. Mated Couple. Aeron Danvers (A) is Jaysan’s biological
child with another alpha. Morgyn (B) and Tynan (B) are Jaysan and Morris’s biological children.
Mikel (A) and Brogan (O) Tovey. Mated Couple. Peyton Tovey (A) is Brogan’s biological child
with another alpha. Miko Tovey (O) is Brogan and Mikel’s biological child.
Brandt (A) and Oliver (O) Lars-Higgs. Mated Couple. Eriq (A) and Gaige (B) are their
biological children. Brandt and Oliver are also in a committed poly relationship with Demir Lars-
Higgs.
Alec (B) and Orrin (B) Jenson. Married couple. Reece (O) is their only adopted child.
Monte (A) and Ivan (O) Porter. Mated couple, but Ivan is now deceased. Izod (A), Hogan (B),
Frey (O), Delmar (B), and Colm (B) are their biological children.
Rebel (A), Hyatt (O) and Symon (B) Lee. Adoptive siblings raised together from infancy.
Dorian (A) and Samuel (B) Fowler. Siblings. Sire dead, Omegin in prison.

NEW COUPLES
Gaven (A) and Frey (O) Freel – Save Me
Rebel (A) and Karson (O) Lee – See Me
Aeron (A) and Khory (O) Danvers – Hear Me
Peyton (A) and Layne (O) Tovey – Find Me
Dorian (A) and Hyatt (O) Fowler – Hold Me
Eriq (A) and Emory (O) Lar-Higgs — Feel Me
PARENTAL NICKNAMES (By their children’s POV)
Gaven: Poppa (Dex) and Da (Serge)
Karson/Jaxson/Jenson: Opa (Jax) and Dad (Karter)
Aeron/Morgyn/Tynan: Papa (Morris) and Omi (Jaysan)
Peyton/Miko: Omi (Brogan) and Dad (Mikel)
Layne/Linus: Dad (Isa) and Papa (Liam)
Branson/Emory/Caden: Papa (Ronin) and Dad (Kell)
Rei: Baba (Tarek) and Apa (Braun)
Eriq: Father (Brandt) and Dad (Oliver)
ONE
 EIGHT YEARS AGO

BRAUN ETTING BLOOM stretched his arms, legs and torso as he came awake, fully aware of the bigger
body smothering him into the mattress. His alpha mate, Tarek, almost always seemed to find a way to
cover Braun like a human blanket sometime during the night, and Braun loved it. He loved everything
about the decade and a half he’d spent as Tarek’s mate and as the omegin to their only child Rei.
He couldn’t imagine his life any different than it was.
Tarek wrapped a possessive arm around Braun’s waist and snuffled in his ear in a ticklish way
that made Braun chuckle. “You’re smothering me, you beast,” Braun said.
“You love it.” Tarek kissed the side of his neck. “Morning, firecracker.”
“Morning.” Braun wiggled until he’d maneuvered onto his back so he could smile up at his
beloved mate. Tarek had an amusing pillow crease on his left cheek, and his eyes sparkled with
mischief. “Do we have time?”
“Always time for you.” Tarek glanced over his shoulder at the alarm clock on the side table. “Got
about thirty minutes before I need to be in the shower, getting ready for work.”
“Then get to it.”
Tarek laughed and shimmied right under the covers. Despite them having sex last night before bed,
they were both hard and ready in no time. Braun adored sex with his mate, who had been attentive,
careful, and the sexiest thing Braun had ever seen since the day they met. Didn’t matter how long
they’d been together, Braun would never stop wanting this man inside his body.
They didn’t have time for penetration this morning, but they took their time blowing each other.
Perfect way to start the work day. Braun lazed in bed while Tarek showered, then ogled his alpha
while Tarek dressed in his Senior Constable uniform. Tarek had been a constable for as long as Braun
had known him, and while Tarek had been shot in the shoulder once, a long time ago, they had been
very lucky otherwise.
He adored his mate and couldn’t imagine not having him in his life. Plus, the higher his rank, the
less time Tarek had to spend out in the field where he could get hurt. Tarek had mused about applying
for the Chief Constable position when Isa Higgs retired, and Braun loved the idea. Being Chief was
practically a desk job.
“What have you got on your schedule today?” Tarek asked as he adjusted his sash.
“Support group meeting at Light House at eleven, and then I’m having lunch with Kell and Jax.”
Light House Resource center was the brain child and passion project of Braun’s older, omega
brother Kell Cross. When Braun and Kell were growing up, omegas didn’t have any resources
available in terms of counseling or support, and after Kell’s infamous murder trial fifteen years ago,
Kell used his notoriety to defend and expand omega rights. Light House provided counseling and
housing for abused omegas and betas, and Kell had plans to open more locations in the future. The
people of Sansbury deserved it.
Jax Jenks was a fellow omega and one of Braun’s very best friends. He loved it when the three of
them could spend time together and simply exist.
“Say hi to Kell and Jax for me,” Tarek said. “Unless I see Kell on the stairs on my way out.”
Braun grinned. “I will.” He, Tarek and Rei lived on the first floor of a two-story house renovated
into separate apartments. Kell, his mate Ronin, and their three sons lived upstairs, and they all often
crossed paths in the mornings and evenings as adults and kids went to work or school. Sometimes
Braun couldn’t believe Rei was almost fifteen years old and in his first week of secondary school.
Didn’t seem possible.
“I’ll make sure Rei is up and getting ready for school,” Tarek said on his way out. “Want me to
pop a bagel into the toaster for you, or are you going to be a lazy slug this morning.”
“Lazy slug.” Braun tossed his mate a saucy grin. “You wore me out last night.”
Tarek preened, then left. Braun wasn’t sore in the least, but he loved to feed Tarek’s ego when
they had a particularly energetic round of sex. He listened to the familiar sounds of his family moving
around in the open kitchen/living area, as well as the faint creaks of the floorboards upstairs as Kell’s
family woke for the day. Everyone he loved most in the world was in this house with him. Safe and
happy.
Eventually, the house quieted and Braun slipped into the bathroom for a shower. He had an
impressive hickey on, of all spots, his left hip bone where Tarek had spent a lot of time last night,
before moving lower and finally licking his hole. Tarek loved to explore all of Braun’s random
erogenous zones, and Braun loved letting him.
Tarek had left the coffee pot on so Braun helped himself to the last of it, plus a toaster waffle. He
didn’t usually eat much before support meetings, because they could be incredibly painful to sit
through, especially when new members spoke about their abuse. In some ways, they reminded Braun
of how lucky he’d been. He and Kell’s alpha sire had been a nightmare, first physically abusive to
their omegin, Ferran, before he died, and then to his two omega sons. Kell had tried to take the brunt
of it, but Braun still had scars on his hand from his sire pressing it against a hot stove burner.
Braun hadn’t had the best childhood, but he also hadn’t lived in complete hell like Kell had for
three years, mated to an abusive rapist who finally pushed Kell too far. Maybe Braun had been nearly
raped twice in his life, but his big brother had…well, suffered wasn’t a big enough word for what
Kell had survived. But now he was safe, loved by an amazing alpha mate, and they had three kids they
adored. Three kids that included the first set of identical twins born in Sansbury Province in twenty-
five years.
He ate his waffle and drank his coffee, and he had an hour to spare watching a morning talk show
before driving to Light House. The brick building had a modest exterior, and he walked into the
familiar lobby with his spine straight. The beta security guard nodded and offered a polite greeting.
Unfamiliar faces needed ID and a good reason for being there, especially alphas. No alphas, except
preapproved doctors or therapists, were allowed beyond the lobby.
The assigned meeting room had a coffee pot and tray of pastries. Braun was early, which wasn’t
unusual, so he poured himself a cup of coffee, chose a chair and settled in. His group members
trickled in one at a time. These sessions had begun a long time ago, not long after the liberation of
five omegas from a brutal fight ring, and they’d all been held in various living rooms. Over the years,
as their numbers grew and they included more betas, the groups split off, and founding members led
the sessions.
 Sometimes Braun missed spending these hours with his brother and close friends, but he also
understood why having multiple group options was important. With too many members, someone
might not be able to speak when they needed to. Once the group assembled, Braun turned his mobile
to silent and opened the meeting. He listened and offered advice. His group was a fair mix of omegas
and betas, and they were all incredibly supportive of each other, for which Braun was grateful.
Their very first support group had nearly fallen apart because of the toxic anger of two omega
members, but they’d gotten through it. One of the omegas had passed away tragically, while the other
turned a corner and embraced the second chance he’d been given.
When the meeting officially ended, Braun had three missed calls on his mobile, but didn’t get a
chance to check who they were from before their newest member cornered him. After a long
conversation, Braun hugged the young omega and sent him off. Checked his phone again. Three
missed calls, three voice mails.
Weird.
He listened to the voice mails.
“Braun, it’s Karter Jenks. You need to get to Emergency as soon as possible. There was an
incident and Tarek is wounded. Please, get there.”
A rock of ice landed squarely in Braun’s stomach and he nearly retched. With a trembling finger,
he selected the next message.
“Braun Bloom, this is Chief Constable Higgs. I need you to come to the provincial hospital and
meet me in the emergency surgical waiting area. I’ve also called your brother for support.”
No, no, no, no! Tarek was not hurt. He was not in surgery. Braun was dreaming this entire
scenario.
But one more message remained in his voice mail. He didn’t want to listen to it, but he did.
“Braun, it’s Kell. Karter and Isa Higgs both called me, and I’m on my way to the hospital.
Where are you? I’ll be waiting for you, brother. I love you.”
Braun wanted to fall to his knees and sob, but he couldn’t do that. Something was wrong with his
mate, and he needed to get to Tarek as quickly as possible. He fled the meeting room, not bothering to
say goodbye to the desk guard. All he could do was put one foot in front of the other and race to his
car. Drive as carefully as he could without getting into an accident himself. He tried to keep his own
terror at bay, to ignore the voice inside telling him he was too late, that Tarek was already gone.
No.
He was not allowed to think that at all. Tarek would be fine. Even if he’d been hurt, he could be in
surgery for any number of reasons. It didn’t mean he was anywhere close to dying. Tarek was not
allowed to die, damn it! He had too fucking much to live for.
Braun briefly considered calling Rei’s school, but there was nothing his son could do except sit
and worry, and Braun didn’t want to put him through that. Not if he could spare Rei a little bit of pain.
Tears streamed down his cheeks by the time Braun finally parked in the underground garage near
Emergency. More tears of frustration than of fear, because traffic sucked and he believed in his mate’s
ability to survive anything.
The elevator took forever, so Braun used the stairs. He was panting for air by the time he got to
the right floor, and he nearly ran over Ronin Cross on his way to the waiting room. His brother-in-law
grabbed Braun by the shoulders before Braun could topple onto his ass. “Have you seen him?” Braun
asked. “How’s Tarek?”
“I just got here,” Ronin replied. “Hey, take a breath, okay? Let’s go find Kell or a doctor.”
“Okay.” Braun leaned on Ronin, who handed him a handkerchief on their brief walk to the waiting
room. Kell had been sitting and sprang to his feet when he spotted them, and they all met in a three-
person hug. It took Braun a few moments to spot their good friend Karter Jenks standing nearby,
watchful and stressed. Karter and Tarek had been work colleagues for over fifteen years.
“I don’t know much,” Kell said. “There was a standoff with several burglary suspects who’d
broken into someone’s home. Tarek and Karter tried to negotiate with them. They opened fire. Tarek
was shot in the abdomen. He’s in surgery to fix it.”
“Fuck.” His mate had been shot. Again. “Why was Tarek even there? He’s a Senior Constable, he
shouldn’t have to respond to those calls.”
“It was a routine ride-a-long,” Karter said. “Seniors do it twice a month to observe new
constables and how they respond to calls. I got on-scene right before the shooting started, Braun, I’m
sorry.”
Braun wanted to be furious with Karter for not saving Tarek, but he was also glad Karter was safe
—for his mate Jax’s sake. “Did they arrest the burglars?”
“Two of the three.”
“One got away?!”
Karter flinched. “I’m sorry. Things happened so fast. We have officers canvassing the
neighborhood, but we don’t have a solid description. And all that is on the constabulary, Braun, you
don’t have to worry about it. Focus on Tarek right now.”
“Yeah.” Braun didn’t know what else to say. Wait. “Do you know which suspect shot him?”
“Yes, and he’s in custody. No, I am not giving you his name, because this is still an active
investigation. Focus. On. Tarek.”
“Fine.” With his mood tipping away from scared and closer to angry, Braun allowed Kell to lead
him over to a two-person bench seat. They sat, arms around each other, and Braun accepted the
strength his big brother offered. Kell had always been his hero and always would be, no matter where
their lives took them. “Is Jax coming?”
“He’s on his way,” Kell replied. “So are Brogan and Liam. I left Jaysan a message.”
Three more of their omega friends. Braun needed all the support he could get until he heard Tarek
was fine. “I feel like I should call Rei’s school, but I don’t want him sitting around worrying like I
am.”
“I know the feeling. Emory texted me a few minutes ago asking if everything was all right. I
haven’t responded yet.”
Braun squeezed Kell’s waist. Emory was Kell’s youngest and omega, and the young teen had an
empathic streak he’d inherited from his grand-omegin. He’s shown signs of the gift since as young as
three, and Emory always seemed to know when someone in his family was upset. “I’m surprised he
got away with sending a text from school.”
“I think it was his lunch break. It’s easier to sneak his phone out in a crowded cafeteria.”
“And here I thought Em loved to follow the rules.”
Kell laughed. “Well, he’s practically a teenager now, so who knows what’s going to happen?” He
wiped a tissue over Braun’s cheeks, mopping up tears Braun hadn’t even felt fall. “Come on, brother,
be strong for me. You guys will get through this.”
“I know.”
“Do you really?”
Braun met his brother’s identical green eyes. Found strength in their familiar depths. “I can be
strong. For Tarek and for Rei.”
“Yes, you can. You were so strong for me during my murder trial. You were strong for Jax and the
others when the fight ring was liberated. You were so strong for me when I decided to get pregnant
again and had twins. You can do this.”
“I can do this.” He still wanted to break into a million pieces but Braun held himself together. He
sat and waited and hoped for what felt like forever. Jax, Liam and Brogan all arrived with firm hugs
and supportive words for Braun and Tarek.
Finally, a man in scrubs came directly over to Braun and Kell. Both men were pretty infamous in
the province, even if Karter hadn’t been standing near them in full uniform. “Mr. Braun, I’m Dr.
Furlano,” the man said in a curious accent not very common to Sansbury Province. “I operated on
your mate.”
Braun sprang to his feet, practically dragging Kell up with him. “Is he okay? Did you remove the
bullet?”
“The bullet went completely through. We went in to repair the damage left behind. Right now,
your mate is stable, and we’re moving him into Recovery to monitor him before he’s given a private
room.”
“So it’s good news.”
Dr. Furlano frowned, and Braun’s stomach shriveled up. “The bullet missed his major organs, but
it caused significant damage upon exit, Mr. Braun. And it exited very close to Tarek’s spine.”
Braun shook his head, not understanding. “But you fixed it.”
“It’s going to be a few days before we know anything for certain, because there is a lot of
swelling around Tarek’s spine in the lumbar region. It’s right around here near L2.” He pointed to spot
on his own lower back.
“I don’t…what are you saying?”
“That we need to wait and see, but at this moment, your mate is paralyzed from the waist down.”
Static filled Braun’s head, and his entire body swayed. He wasn’t sure what was happening until
he focused on the fact that he was sitting in a chair with his head between his knees. Trying to breathe.
To comprehend such an enormous shift in everything Braun knew to be true about the world. About
his mate and their family.
Paralyzed.
No. Fucking no, Braun did not accept that. Braun shot to his feet, temper erupting like an active
volcano. “No. You fucking fix my mate.” He didn’t scream or shout, he stated it like fact. Tarek would
walk again; Braun wouldn’t accept anything less. “Fix him.”
“We’re doing everything we can,” Dr. Furlano said. “Once we’ve moved him to a room, you can
see him. I’ll have a nurse come get you.”
“Fine.”
The doctor left and Braun tried not to let his fury shake his entire body apart. His friends tried to
hug him. Kell tried to hug him. He was vaguely aware of conversations all around him, but nothing
truly registered for Braun until Rei was in his arms, hugging the life out of him. Braun didn’t know
who’d called him or how Rei had gotten to the hospital, but Braun’s only baby boy was there. Shaking
without crying and holding Braun for all he was worth.
Braun clung to his son, while his heart broke wide open for his mate. Tarek would be okay, Braun
had complete faith in that. In his survival. But would Tarek ever walk again?
He had no idea.
 TWO

REI BLOOM TRACED his fingers over the raised dots on the chart for his newest massage applicant. He
had very much lucked into working at Luxury Massage two years ago after losing most of his sight.
Management not only embraced the fact that Rei needed a bit of extra help, they also acknowledged
his innate talent with massage. Maybe Rei had lost ninety-percent of his vision and was legally blind,
but he gave one hell of a massage to his clients.
He also loved that his bosses kept his preferred suite set up exactly the way Rei wanted. He knew
precisely where each bottle of lotion and oil was on the counter, where to find the hot rocks if that
was part of the day’s therapy, and the fresh towels for the towel warmer. It helped him look less
clumsy with first-time clients who might have otherwise balked at a blind masseuse.
Jory Westborn, omega, twenty-three. Rei paused over the Braille chart, a little surprised. It was
rare for an omega to choose an alpha masseuse; they always chose beta instead. He took the clipboard
with him and padded down the lightly fragranced hallway to the main desk. His nose easily told him
that Cranston, the alpha owner of the parlor, was behind the desk.
“Is this right?” Rei asked. “An omega requested me?”
“Yes, he did,” Cranston replied. “He hasn’t signed in yet, but I imagine he’ll be along shortly. You
don’t mind, do you?”
“Not at all.” Even though himself was unmated, Rei had no problem working with an omega. He
felt along the application. Mated.
Cranston typed something on the computer. “Yeah, looks like he was in some kind of accident a
few months ago, and his physio thinks frequent leg massages will help with circulation and rebuilding
atrophied muscles.”
“Makes sense.” Curious as he was about the accident, it wasn’t Rei’s business. If a client chose to
talk about their personal life during a session, Rei listened and reacted, but he never pried.
The doorbell chimed softly, and Rei perked up. He tilted his head to the side, giving himself just
enough peripheral vision to spot the shapes of two men, one fairly tall and buff, and the other short
and slender.
“You must be Mr. Jory,” Cranston said. “Welcome.”
“Yes, he is,” a deep voice replied. “I’m his mate, Abner. He’s here for a lower body massage.”
Jory didn’t speak.
“All right, Mr. Jory, this is your masseuse for today, Rei Bloom. He’ll lead you back to his suite.”
Jory must have nodded his acknowledgment, because Cranston squeezed Rei’s wrist. Rei turned
and stepped out from behind the desk to open the door between the suites and the waiting room.
“Mr. Abner, you’ll have to wait here,” Cranston said. “I assure you, Rei is a complete
professional.”
“He’s unmated,” Abner snapped.
“He’s also one of the best people I have.”
Rei didn’t preen over the compliment; he was too annoyed by Abner’s sideways insult that Rei
couldn’t control himself around an omega, mated or not. Rei had grown up around omegas his own
age, including his own cousin Emory. He would never disrespect an omega—client or otherwise—by
doing anything unprofessional.
He walked down the hallway, using his ears and nose to reassure him Jory was following. Rei
opened the suite door and stood to the side. “Please, come in.” Feeling Jory enter more than seeing
him, Rei followed Jory in, but left the door open for now. He easily walked to the towel warmer and
brought one out. Put it on the massage table.
“I’m going to step out and give you privacy to remove your clothing,” Rei said. “Since we’re only
doing lower body, you may leave your shirt on if you wish. However, I will need some access to your
waist.”
“What about my underwear?” Jory asked, finally speaking. He had a feather-light voice with no
real inflection. As if he was just barely present in his own life.
“You may leave it on if that’s your preference.” He always worked around the butt and genital
area, anyway, since this wasn’t that sort of massage parlor. Rei traced his fingers over the
application and the part where the client could fill in no-touch zones. The only spot was his hands,
which seemed a bit odd, but Rei would abide by the client’s wishes.
“Just place your clothes on the table over there.” He pointed. “Then lay face-down on the table
with your face in the hole at the top. Drape the towel over your waist. I’ll be back in a minute.” Jory
gave a soft agreement, so Rei stepped out. Slowly counted to sixty before knocking and opening the
door.
A careful tilt of his head showed him in his periphery that Jory had done exactly as asked. Rei
shut the door and walked over to his sink so he could wash his hands. He always preferred doing this
in front of the client, so they knew he was being sanitary. No sense in turning anyone off right away,
since Rei was going to have his hands all over their body. “So,” Rei said, “do you have any questions
for me before we begin?” Nothing. “Jory?”
“Sorry, I forgot and shrugged. You don’t move around like someone who’s blind.”
Rei chuckled. “I’ve had a lot of time to get used to it. Plus, I attended a fantastic school in Rainier
Province that helped me learn some truly useful skills in navigating the seeing world.”
“Okay. Um, this won’t hurt, right? Some of my physical therapy hurt.”
“It shouldn’t hurt. I’ll start slow and light with my touch, okay? If I hurt you, please speak up and
I’ll stop.”
“Okay.”
Slightly nervous now, Rei got his favorite oil and warmed some on his hands. “I’ll start with your
right ankle and work my way up your calf, okay?”
“Okay.”
Rei worked for a while, careful of the tight muscles of Jory’s skinny legs, the only sounds in the
room the infrequent squish of oil, or the soft music playing a calming melody Rei enjoyed. Jory never
once complained about Rei’s touch. He did giggle once when Rei first worked his waist muscles.
Probably ticklish there. Rei carefully raised and lowered the towel to uncover his targeted spots,
never completely exposing Jory’s butt, even though he suspected the omega had left his underwear on.
Several times while working on his lower back and waist, Rei swore he felt the hints of a scar
near Jory’s spine.
The session lasted forty-five minutes. Rei used a spare towel to wipe any excess oil off that
hadn’t yet absorbed into Jory’s skin, then went to wash his hands. Got a paper cup of water from the
dispenser by the door. “Go ahead and sit up for me, Jory, and sip this. Your body releases toxins
during massage, so you need to hydrate.”
Jory sat up, the towel rustling, and the paper cup left Rei’s fingers. “Thank you.”
“You’ll probably feel a bit like jelly for a few minutes, so please feel free to sit and acclimate
before you get dressed. I’ll meet you outside when you’re ready.”
“Okay.”
Jory’s replies were always halting and limited, and it made Rei wonder more about what the poor
omega had gone through—not only because of atrophied muscles in his legs, but also that scar…
Not his business. Rei left the suite and stood a few paces down the hallway to wait. Opened the
face of his wristwatch to check the time. Jory took about five full minutes before he exited. Rei
wished he could see the omega’s face better, but Cranston liked to keep the hall lights slightly dimmed
to relax clients, and that fucked with Rei’s limited vision. He couldn’t see shit at night unless he was
around very bright lights.
“All set?” Rei asked.
“Yes, thank you. I’ll make sure Abner adds a tip to your account.”
“I appreciate that, thank you, Jory. Ready to go?”
“I guess.” The subdued voice worried Rei a ting, but what could he do? Jory was a client, not a
friend.
Rei led the way back to the waiting room door and opened it for Jory. A shadow moved nearby
and he imagined it was Abner standing to meet his mate by the door. “How do you feel, sweetheart?”
Abner asked. “Are you in pain?”
“No, I feel good,” Jory replied. “Relaxed.” He whispered something, and Rei caught Abner
moving in the corner of his eye. Heard Abner say something to Cranston, and swore he heard the
word tip.
Ever since losing his sight, Rei’s hearing and sense of smell had increased quite a lot. Not always
the best thing after one of his friends dropped a log in the bathroom, but it helped Rei navigate the
world a little better. He relied heavily on scents and voices since he couldn’t rely on faces anymore.
“I’ve booked another appointment for next week,” Abner said. “Let’s go.”
Rei imagined Jory might have given him a friendly, goodbye smile, but the only thing Rei saw was
a dark-gray nothingness surrounded by random lights and flashes of movement. He’d once tried to
describe it to his parents as cupping both hands over your eyes to block out all light, and the pulling
back about an inch so only the barest right of light peeked through around the perimeter.
He hadn’t intended for the description to make Apa cry, but it had been an emotional day. His first
night home from his three-month stint in blind school. Rei had been insanely proud of himself for
making the return train trip all by himself.
Rei had another client in about thirty minutes, so he took a quick break and scarfed down a snack
bar and juice. He didn’t always work a full schedule each day, depending on the bookings of new and
old clients, so after this next appointment, he was done for the day. After sending Gaven a text asking
if he was free to chill around four, Rei got ready for his next client.
Gaven Freel was an honorary cousin to both Rei and Rei’s blood cousins Branson, Emory and Caden.
Gaven’s beta parents were the best friend of Rei’s Apa and Emory’s Dad, and Gaven had grown up as
part of the extended family. Gaven was on summer break from his nursing school classes, but he was
also interning at a private doctor’s office a few days a week to keep busy. Mostly filing and stuff, but
he seemed to enjoy it.
And he was off when Rei texted. They agreed to meet up with him, Gaven’s mate Frey, and also
Khory Danvers. Khory’s alpha mate Aeron was a patrolman with the Constabulary and currently on-
shift. Aeron was one of Rei’s oldest friends, and while Khory had generously allowed Rei to map his
face once, he still wished he knew what Khory really looked like. So with so many of his friends’
mates, who’d been included in the family after Rei lost his sight.
Stupid fucking paintball game.
It had been a lot of fun at the time. A brand-new alpha-only paintball course had recently opened
where, instead of shooting targets, they shot at each other. The goal had been to capture the flag of the
opposing team. Rei and Gaven had both been two of the last players standing, and Rei took an unlucky
shot to the back of his head, just under where his helmet covered. After several days of headaches,
Rei had passed out in a friend’s coffee shop.
And he’d woken up in the emergency room, unable to see.
Life had been pretty hard for a while as his family adjusted to their new normal. It had been
harder on Baba than on Apa, he suspected, because Baba had a harder time helping Rei while bound
to a wheelchair. Plus, Baba had his duties as mayor to deal with.
Rei called a taxi—he was still figuring out navigating the bus lines on his own—using an app that
Branson had designed himself. It allowed Rei to use voice commands to make his phone call different
contacts. Branson was in negotiations to expand its use beyond the blind community, the lucky
bastard. Computer science had been a great career choice for him, even if the guy was still strangely
single.
Oh well. Rei ended up the last one to join his friends at Perks. Rei had worked here once as a
barista, before he lost his sight, and the owners were family friends. Plus, their baker made the best
blueberry scones.
He carefully joined the queue, using his collapsible cane so he didn’t walk into anyone ahead of
him. He knew the layout of the space by heart, though, and Brogan, one of the owners, promised never
to change the table configurations. Much appreciated.
“Hey, there you are,” Brogan his once Rei reached the counter. “The usual?”
“Yes, please.”
“Coming right up. I’ll bring it over.”
“Thanks.” Rei could navigate the tables with just a scone and his cane, but he never wanted to
miscalculate—or have someone walk into him—while he was carrying hot coffee. So he didn’t mind
being waited on.
“Hey, table seven!” Gaven shouted.
Rei smiled and made his way to the right table. Even over the strong scents of coffee and sugar, he
scented his friends. Only three, though. “Where’s Asher?” he asked as he sat in the free chair. Folded
up his cane.
“At a playdate with Caleb,” Khory replied. Asher was his beta son, and he was pushing his way
deep into the terrible twos. Caleb Tovey was the son of another mated pair of friends and not quite a
year-and-a-half old now. The pair was a couple of mischief makers, just like their parents had been at
those ages.
 Branson, as the oldest of their pack of youngsters, had been particularly good at instigating and
getting his friends in trouble.
“Good day at work?” Frey asked.
Rei swiveled his head in the direction of Frey’s soft voice. He was glad he’d been able to meet
and get to know Frey before losing his sight, because the physical disparity between the older omega
and Gaven was kind of hilarious. Gaven was six-feet tall, dark-haired and as well-built as any alpha,
while Frey was about five-two, slender, and had white-blond hair. The pair had been trying to get
pregnant for three years now, and Frey’s next heat—if Rei recalled correctly—was coming up in a
few weeks. He truly hoped they managed this time. The pair was amazing with Cousin Emory’s three
boys and would make great parents of their son.
“Work was good,” Rei replied. Someone moved in his periphery, and a second later, Brogan
delivered his food. “I got a new client. A mated omega, actually, which surprised me. But he seemed
to get something out of the session, so we have another appointment next week.”
“That does seem strange. An omega working with an alpha masseuse. But hey, as long as the
credit clears, a client is a client.”
“True. How about you, office boy?” he asked Gaven while Rei carefully opened and poured the
two packets of white sugar Brogan had left by his mug. Next to the handle, which faced his three
o’clock, so Rei never missed or burned his fingers on the hot mug.
“It was fine,” Gaven said. “Filing is filing, but I am learning more about the ins and outs of having
a private practice versus working for the hospital. Da did that for a lot of years before he retired.” Da
was Serge Freel, one of his beta dads.
“You’d do private practice?”
“I don’t know. Once you’re established you have more control over your hours. But I also haven’t
even interned at the hospital yet. That’s next semester, so who knows? I might end up liking that a lot,
especially once I rotate through the departments. Da always said Obstetrics and Delivery was his
favorite, because it was all about new life. Except for the occasional loss.”
Rei couldn’t see Gaven’s flinch, but he heard it in his friend’s voice.
“Your Da,” Frey said, “is the kind of person every nurse should aspire to be.”
“Agreed.”
They chatted about nonsense for a while, and Rei nursed his coffee in between bites of scone.
Eventually, Khory begged off because he had to go pick up Asher from his playdate, and then meet
Aeron for dinner. Rei smiled in Khory’s general direction but couldn’t stop the briefest flash of
jealousy. Every single alpha or omega friend his age or older was now happily mated, most with kids.
Even his younger cousin Emory had a mate and three babies! The first triplets born anywhere, ever,
thanks to illegal genetic experiments. But Emory and Eriq were happy, mated last month, and still
working on their living situation.
With three infants, all preemies, they still lived at home with Rei’s uncles, plus Emory’s twin
Caden. Rei had adored cuddling with those precious little lives while they were still in NICU, and
while he was still learning to carefully change a diaper by feel, it was slow going in the Helping Out
department.
Not that Rei was in any position to take on a mate. Sure, he had a job that supported him, but he
still lived at home with his parents in the mayor’s mansion. Then again, it was also an election year,
and if Baba lost in two months, they’d have to find a new place to live by the end of the year. So much
was in flux right now.
“Hello? You home, Rei?”
 Gaven’s voice snapped him back to the conversation. “Sorry, what?”
“You just looked a little morose for a few seconds. Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Long day. I might be starting to get a headache, too, so I should probably go.”
Only half a lie. Rei was still prone to headaches when he’d extended himself too long, and he was
definitely teetering on the edge of overdoing it today. “See you guys later, yeah?”
He hugged his friends goodbye, extended his cane, and went outside into the stifling mid-summer
heat to call another taxi. Maybe one day Branson could collaborate on an app that told Rei exactly
where he was on the bus lines, giving him a lot more freedom to move around in the city. That would
be cool.
The taxi dropped him off in front of the house. They called it the mayoral “mansion” but it was
just a two-story house with too many bedrooms, some office space, and a grand front porch for photo
ops. A porch slightly marred by the construction of the ramp Baba used to get up and down in his
wheelchair. He was kind of glad he couldn’t see the ramp anymore, because it reminded him of how
much their lives had been altered these past seven years.
The ramp was easier to navigate, but Rei ascended the steps. Used one finger to find the keyhole
and let himself inside. They didn’t used to always lock the front door when someone was home, but
ever since Emory gave birth to triplets, their family had been thrust back into the tabloid spotlight.
They also had good ground security, so Rei never felt unsafe coming or going.
The house had a familiar smell of furniture polish, vanilla, and the combined scents of his parents.
He checked the time on his watch. Around five-thirty, so supper would be soon. He tapped his way to
the back of the house and the kitchen. Turned his head just so and caught a flash of Aba near the sink.
Even though they could have someone cook for them, his parents truly enjoyed cooking together. Not
that Baba always had time, but he tried.
“Hey,” Rei said cheerfully. “Busy day?”
“Not too bad,” Aba replied. “Had some meetings. Had lunch with the mayor. All kinds of
glamorous things.”
He chuckled. Lunch with the mayor had become a bit of an inside joke ever since Baba was
elected. “I rubbed my hands all over other people’s bodies, so I’m not sure whose day was more
exciting.”
“We’re having steaks and scalloped potatoes for supper around six.”
“Cool.”
Rei carefully maneuvered the stairs to the second floor, using the banister for guidance, and
walked to the third door on the left. His room. The parlor required a simple uniform of black slacks
and an ivory polo, and Rei liked to change out of his work clothes as soon as he got home. Throw on
shorts and a t-shirt for comfort. He also slipped into a pair of closed-toe sandals that he preferred to
wear around the house, rather than going barefoot.
Toe stubs still happened once in a while, and it saved his feet some misery.
Back downstairs, he headed for the formal side of the house where Baba had an office, as well as
a larger meeting room. Those were somewhat separate from the part of the house his family lived in,
but they occasionally threw large parties that utilized both spaces, including what might have been
considered a ballroom at one time. Rei thought of it like a larger, grander living room.
He stopped in front of Baba’s closed office door and listened. No voices on the other side, so he
knocked.
“Come in,” Baba said.
Rei turned the knob and pushed the door open. “It’s close to dinnertime.”
 “I’ll be there shortly.”
Something in Baba’s voice caught his attention. Not quite stressed but also…abnormal. “Are you
okay, Baba?”
“Sure, just a mild headache. Waiting for the ibrospirin to kick in.”
“Does Apa know?” Apa was militant in monitoring Baba’s temperature, moods and bodily output,
and so far Baba hadn’t had any major complications from his paralysis. A headache wasn’t out of the
ordinary, but Rei had become more protective of his parents since losing his vision. If something
happened to one of them, how was he supposed to help?
“Not yet, no, I haven’t told him. I’ve been busy with budget negotiations, and I still haven’t hired
a new permanent chief of staff to help me with this.” Baba’s tone was exasperated now.
Rei didn’t blame him for the frustration. His former chief of staff, Cooper Hines, had abruptly quit
a few months ago. Cooper had been around since Rei was a kid, and he’d been instrumental in getting
Baba elected. He was a hard person to replace, but as far as Rei knew the deputy COS was doing a
decent job filling in.
“I’d offer to help but math was never really my strong suit,” Rei quipped. He’d enjoyed his
science classes, liked literature studies, and had even entertained being a teacher. Teaching still
wasn’t completely out of the question, but he wasn’t sure his heart was in it anymore. For a while he
had even considered dropping out of university and trying trade school.
Right now, he enjoyed his job as a masseuse and the flexible hours it gave him. Maybe one day
he’d even own his own parlor.
“It wasn’t mine either,” Baba said. “But I worked my ass off studying in university so I’d qualify
for the Constabulary Academy. You’d be surprised how much math was involved.”
“I can’t imagine.” Even if Rei had possessed better math skills and been interested, Apa would
have pitched an epic fit if Rei had suggested he was interested in becoming a constable and following
in his sire’s footsteps. Especially after Baba was shot. It had been hard enough watching one of Rei’s
slightly older alpha friends graduate from the academy, knowing the danger he might be in every
single day.
“Hey, I think you can. You’ve worked your ass off every day to acclimate to your new normal,”
Baba said. “Maybe you don’t wear a sash or carry a weapon, but you’re a hero, too, kiddo.”
Rei’s heart swelled with love for his sire. “Thank you.” He tapped his way over to Baba’s desk.
“Ready to head out for supper?”
“I think so. Who’s going first? You or me?”
“You. I’ll follow the sound of your whirring.”
Baba laughed. This had become an inside joke since Baba upgraded from a manual to an electric
wheelchair. The sound was easier for Rei to follow, and follow he did, all the way to the dining room
where the amazing scents of dinner greeted them. Rei found his chair and felt around, not surprised
that the table was set. Glass in the same spot, flatware exactly where it should be. Consistency was
key in helping Rei navigate his world more easily.
Apa served him and told him where each portion of food was, before serving Baba. They ate
without talking much, which wasn’t unusual at all. A lot of their meals had been quiet once Rei
entered his adolescent years and had a lot less to say to his parents than as a talkative only child.
Sometimes he missed the boisterous meals he’s once shared with his cousins, but these were nice too.
Simple times with his parents.
“How’s your headache?” Rei asked after swallowing his last bite of potatoes.
“Headache?” Apa repeated. “Tarek?”
 “It’s fading,” Baba said, and Rei could imagine the look he’d aimed at him. “The food is helping.
I don’t think I ate enough at lunch.”
“Do you have a fever?”
“I don’t think so.”
A chair scraped, and Rei caught a flash of Apa leaving the room, probably to fetch a thermometer.
“Tattle-tale,” Baba whispered. Rei snorted, unashamed of making sure his sire was okay.
Apa returned and a few minutes later declared Baba’s temperature was only up by a degree, so
not a huge deal, but to watch it and his headache. Baba promised he would. On his way past, Apa
kissed the top of Rei’s head, his silent thanks for bringing this to his attention.
Rei smiled and finished eating.
 THREE

KINLEY TETCH ENTERED the locker room after his two-hour shift in the windows to an unexpected
buzz of conversation. Not that the locker room at Blue Room was typically silent, but this was a
different kind of conversation happening between the majority betas and handful of omegas who
worked there.
Curious—but also exhausted and ready to change so he could go home—Kinley walked to his
locker and spun the combination dial. Unlocked it and started dressing, tossing on shorts and a t-shirt
over his thong, not bothering with a shower. He’d barely worked up a sweat today, anyway, because
the windows were kept very cold for the performers. Chilly air meant taut nipples, and that could
increase tips.
Kinley would take all the tips he could on top of his hourly wage.
“Dude, did you hear the news?” Zaq, a young omega not much older than Kinley, bounced over
with a wide smile on his face. Kinley was friendly with him but not someone he’d considered a good
friend. Zaq wore his own yellow thong, which contrasted nicely with his ebony skin, so he was
probably coming on-shift.
“What news?” Kinley asked.
“City council is finally having a public hearing on LO-2017. Three hours to hear public
statements, and then an hour of private deliberations. Two days from now.”
“Wow, that’s great for the owner.”
“And for us, especially if it gets passed.”
“Yeah.”
Kinley didn’t have a lot of free time to pay attention to local politics, but all anyone at Blue Room
could talk about for the last few months, ever since its introduction to council, was LO-2017. The
local ordinance was a measure seeking to legalize brothels in Sansbury Province. Gentleman’s clubs,
such as the one they worked in, were already legal and held to strict standards for the treatment and
payment of staff, but brothels and the transaction of money for sex was still very much underground.
The supporters of LO-2017 argued that by making brothels legal, the men who sold their services
would be protected by the law, brothel owners would be subject to the same strict cleanliness and
safety standards as all other businesses in the province, and that employees could not be robbed of
their wages or tips by management. The new law would also keep it illegal for said brothels to sell
an omega’s heat (even though that was something alphas and omegas still negotiate privately, beyond
the walls of a brothel or gentleman’s club).
Kinley liked the measure, because it added new protections to a job he already disliked but that
helped keep the lights on and his younger brothers fed. “Well, I hope it passes,” he said. “I mean, we
do pretty well here, but not every club is as well-run as Blue Room.”
“So true,” Zaq replied. “And even when something goes wrong, the owner and floor managers act
fast to fix it. Speaking of, have you heard from Jory recently?”
“A few days ago.” Kinley grabbed his satchel from his locker, which had his wallet, phone and
keys in it, then shut the door. “He’s supposed to have his first massage therapy appointment today, so
I’ll call him later. Get an update.”
“Cool. Tell him I said hello, okay? I gotta go or I’ll be late in the window.”
“See you.”
Kinley watched Zaq sashay toward the back of the locker room, where the entrances to the
various parts of Blue Room were. One to the windows, one to the dance floor, and one to the
exclusive rooms. Blue Room didn’t advertise that they offered brothel-like services—hello, illegal—
but they did. Kinley had volunteered for that shift twice in the past, mostly for the credit it would earn
him, and…well, it hadn’t been his favorite thing.
And after what happened with Jory? No more. Not unless Kinley was absolutely desperate, and
so far, Sire had curbed his gambling this month. At least if this new law passed, any man who did
what he did to Jory could finally be punished by the law, rather than sweeping it under the rug so no
one found out about the exclusive rooms.
Before leaving, Kinley turned in the collection of tokens patrons slid into the window slots to tip
a dancer. They used paper tokens on the dance floor, because it gave patrons a brief chance to
actually touch the dancers on stage when they slipped the tip into their thong or briefs. Max, the
grizzled old beta who’d run the tip cage for years, rang him up and credited Kinley’s card the correct
amount.
“Good day for you,” Max said.
“Yeah, it was. Thanks, Max.”
Kinley left Blue Room through the private employee door. The parking lot behind the building
was wide, very open, and brightly lit at night, and had half-a-dozen security cameras. The sun was
barely setting but Kinley still quick-stepped it to the family car. Kinley was twenty and had only been
driving for a year, but he much preferred it to taking the bus. Plus, if he had the car then Sire didn’t.
Not that Sire couldn’t jump on a bus to get to the nearest card game or underground gambling site
or whatever.
He stopped at the market on the way home for a fresh, ready-to-bake pizza—cheaper than
delivery but tastier than frozen—and a box of assorted cookies for his brothers. He liked treating
them when he had a bit extra, because those little extras were few and far between lately. They did
need real groceries, though, and Kinley made a mental note to put a list together tonight. He could go
shopping tomorrow after his shift.
His family lived in River Row, and not on the side that was currently being renovated with funds
from the province. They still lived on the poor side, where two-story brick homes lined the streets,
many empty, some housing squatters rather than residents. But crime was relatively low on their
street, and with Sire out of work it was all they could currently afford—and that was with a subsidy
from the government because Sire was a single alpha with three dependents.
Kinley glanced at the single rose bush in their unkempt front yard as he parked on the street in
front of the gate. They’d planted it the year Omegin died. Hard to believe it had been almost five
years already. Five years since the awful accident that killed him and wrecked Sire’s back. And
caused irreparable injury to Yulian’s brain.
Their family had done their best to come back together, but some days were still intense struggles
with fear, doubt, guilt, and the sense that Kinley simply wasn’t doing enough.
He grabbed the grocery bag and trudged through the sweltering summer heat into an only slightly
cooler house. The central air conditioning had died last summer and without the funds to fix it, they’d
saved up for a single window unit to keep the downstairs living room somewhat livable. They’d been
camping down there on their mattresses for about two weeks and probably would for another two
months, at least, until the weather began to cool again.
Yulian, his thirteen-year-old alpha brother sat in his familiar spot in front of the television, legs
crossed, intent on whatever daytime program was airing. While he attended a special school during
the school year, summers were hard, because they couldn’t afford any sort of additional schooling or
day programs. So he spent a lot of time watching TV, lost in his own world, unless Kinley or Roen
were home to engage him with workbooks and activities.
“Hey, bud.” Kinley kissed the top of Yulian’s messy hair on the way past to the kitchen. Yulian
waved once without engaging.
He passed through the heavy blanket they’d nailed over the doorway between the living room and
kitchen to keep the cool air in the other room, and a sauna hit him in the face. Maybe turning on the
oven to make pizza hadn’t been the best choice, but oh well. Roen, his oldest younger brother and
omega like Kinley, was standing there with his head in the fridge. When Kinley walked in, Roen
straightened and shut the door, a guilty look on his face.
“Trying to wish more food into existence?” Kinley asked as he dumped his bag on the counter.
“No, just trying to cool off,” Roen replied. “I was out weeding the garden and got kind of
overheated. But look.” He smiled proudly and showed off a small mixing bowl that held some
tomatoes, a handful of string beans, and three yellow squash. “We grew a few things.”
“That’s awesome.”
Gardening was still not a common practice in most provinces, because the majority of their food
was factory or hydroponically produced, and then distributed to supermarkets. Flowers and herbs
were far more popular for most hobbyists, but there was a small movement of people who were
collecting and cross-breeding seeds so poorer folks could try and grow their own food. Last
summer’s garden hadn’t produced much, but Roen had saved all the seeds he could and started again
this year.
So far, they’d had low to moderate success, but Kinley still basked in the pride radiating from
Roen’s face. “You did a good job,” Kinley said. “You’re lucky I thought ahead and brought pizza and
cookies home. Good reward for a job well-done.”
Roen beamed. “Thanks.”
“Is Sire home?”
His face evened out. “No. He must have left while I was outside, because when I came in Yulian
was smacking his hand on the wall and muttering. I finally figured out he was thirsty, but Sire was
supposed to be watching him.”
Irritation rippled down Kinley’s spine. “You have no idea where he went?”
“No, I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Look, I’m going to run upstairs and take a quick shower. Can you put the pizza
in? It should only take, like, eight minutes to cook.”
“Sure. No problem. Can I have a cookie first?”
Kinley chuckled. “Fine, one cookie.”
The only shower was upstairs, and he’d broken a full sweat before he’d even turned the cold
water on blast. Kinley shucked his clothes and stepped under the cool spray, using about two minutes
of time to slough the shift off him. He liked working the windows at Blue Room, because all he had to
do was writhe and dance and put on a show for the faceless men on the other side of the two-way
mirror. The patrons who paid a fee for the experience and then tipped based on performance could
see the dancers, but the dancers only saw themselves. It made the entire shift easier.
Maybe Kinley couldn’t see those men’s leers or hear their suggestive words, but he could imagine
it. He remembered those things very well from his single attempt at dancing live on stage, and very,
very well from the two times he’d gone into the exclusive rooms. Certain things you simply never
forgot.
He tossed on the same shorts, but a fresh sleeveless tee, then went downstairs. The pizza was
piping hot and ready to serve. It was Kinley’s turn to help Yulian eat, so he did that while his own
slice cooled. Roen ate beside them, their trio picnicking on the living room floor like they’d once
picnicked in the garden as kids. Before everything changed.
After they each had two cookies for dessert, Roen took Yulian upstairs for a shower while Kinley
cleaned up downstairs. Sire came home around eight, and Kinley took a long look at the imposing
alpha figure looming in the doorway. No obvious smell of alcohol. No stumbling or listing, only a
familiar limp as he walked to and sank down on the sofa with a pained groan. Didn’t mean he hadn’t
brought something home for later, though.
“There’s a few slices of leftover pizza in the fridge,” Kinley said. “If you’re hungry.”
“I’m fine, thanks,” Sire replied in a familiar monotone. The voice that said ‘don’t engage, I want
to relax.’
“Okay. Um, Roen is upstairs helping Yulian with his shower.” He hoped the prompt might get Sire
to reveal why he’d left his disabled son alone in the house, but Sire said nothing. Only nodded in his
direction, focus on the TV. “I’m going outside to make a phone call.”
“Fine. It’s hot as a fucking oven out there, so don’t stay out long.”
The concern reminded Kinley of the sire he remembered from before the accident. “I won’t. Just
need to check in with someone.”
Kinley slipped outside to the narrow front stoop. The sun had set, but the temperature was still hot
and humid, and his face was sticky before he even raised his mobile to it. It rang a few times.
“Hey, Kin,” Jory said in a harsh whisper. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I was actually checking in with you. How did your massage therapy go?”
“Good, I think. The masseuse was polite and it didn’t hurt at all. Abner said I can go back next
week, which is great. He was so uptight about the first two masseuses I went to, but I guess he likes
Rei.”
“That’s good. I mean it.” Kinley watched downstairs lights flicker in the house across the street.
Shadows moved behind closed curtains. “Do you really think it will help?”
“I don’t know, but I hope so. It isn’t a cure and I’ll probably always have moderate amounts of
pain, but if I can walk more easily again then that’s progress, right?”
“Definitely.” He closed his eyes as images from that day flooded Kinley’s mind’s eye. Being in
the locker room when someone with a medical kit raced through and down into the exclusive rooms.
Two men carrying up a battered, sobbing Jory and leaving with him, no one telling the rest of them
what had happened. Getting a call later that Jory was in the ICU with a fractured spine and temporary
paralysis, among a host of other injuries.
Please pass LO-2017. No more guys like Jory.
Not that all the blame for Jory’s injuries landed on the club or the man who’d attacked him; Jory
had an alpha who’d consented to Jory doing this kind of work. Abner bore responsibility for his
mate’s wounds, too. Maybe more than anyone else involved. Kinley didn’t know their financial
situation, but Jory had not deserved what happened to him.
No omega did.
“Some of the guys have asked how you are,” Kinley said. Half-truth, since the only person who’d
directly asked him about Jory was Zaq, but it was something. “You’re missed.”
Jory snorted. “Yeah, right. I do miss you, though, Kin. You were always a good friend to me.”
“Same. Maybe you and me can go get a cup of coffee sometime soon, yeah? Catch up in person.”
“I’d like that but I don’t know if Abner would agree.”
Kinley grunted. “He can sit on the other side of the coffee shop and watch us if he wants. I just
want to see you. In person. For at least thirty minutes. Please? You’re the best friend I have right
now.” A best friend he’d only met six months ago, because he was too busy to make real friends right
now. Or keep the ones he used to have.
Jory released a long breath. “I’ll do what I can. Promise.”
“Thanks. You take care, okay?”
“I will. You do the same.”
“Talk to you soon.” Kinley ended the call, a bit less unsettled now that he’d spoken to Jory but
still worried for his friend. He wouldn’t not be worried until Jory was completely healed from his
ordeal—if that ever happened at all. Kinley was no doctor, far from it, but for a few days after Jory’s
“incident,” they’d all been afraid he might never walk again.
All for extra credit Jory had never explained and his mate Abner had never felt the need to tell
Kinley about. Kinley didn’t know Abner well, but he did know one thing for sure: he would never
mate with an alpha who’d prostitute him for credit. Not for any fucking reason, period.
As if Kinley was going to meet his future mate anytime soon. He had no free time right now to
meet anyone, not between his family and his shifts at Blue Room. And even if he happened to sniff his
bondmate out in a crowd, Kinley wasn’t interested. Even though his own parents had been relatively
happy as a mated couple, single was better right now. Especially while he had a younger omega
brother at home who needed looking after. And he wasn’t sure he completely trusted Sire to look after
Roen and Yulian. Yulian most of all.
Kinley stared up at the night sky, wishing he could see more stars above so he had more options to
wish upon. To wish for more than the life he had, which didn’t seem like a life at all. He was existing,
supporting his family, and hoping his brothers had a better life than him. He wanted nothing but the
best mate for Roen and all the kids he could take care of. He wanted happiness for Yulian in whatever
form it came.
He wanted healing for his sire in whatever way it came, too, either with peace over the accident
he still blamed himself for, or maybe even with a new mate one day. The latter might be easier than
the former, because sometimes late at night when Kinley couldn’t sleep for worrying about Yulian and
missing Omegin, he still blamed Sire for the accident. On those nights, he didn’t want Sire to be
happy ever again.
Those thoughts never helped him sleep any better.
The front door opened and shut, and his nose told him it was Roen before his brother sat on the
step beside him. Pressed his shoulder against Kinley’s. “Why are you sitting out here steaming instead
of watching TV inside with us where it’s ten degrees cooler?”
“Wishing on a star, little brother.” Kinley draped one arm across Roen’s slim shoulders, not
caring how hot it was. They both resembled their omegin with their ashy brown hair and dark eyes
and chin dimples. But Roen had a sweeter beauty about him that worried Kinley. He worried for the
day when Roen began to smell better to alphas, which could be any single day. He worried Kinley
wouldn’t be there to protect him if something bad happened. “Don’t grow up.”
Roen laughed. “I’ll do my best.” He tilted his head to the sky. “You know, it scares me, too.”
“What does?”
“Mating one day. The violence some alphas can commit.” Before Kinley could muster a response,
he added, “I heard about your friend Jory. A friend from school’s older brother works with Jory’s
mate. Will he be okay?”
“I hope so.” He kissed Roen’s temple. “I’ll always do everything I can to protect you and Yulian,
I swear.”
“You’re omega, too, bro. There’s only so much you can do.”
“And whatever it is, I’ll give it my all. You two are the most important people in my life, and I
will not let you mate someone who will do to Jory what his mate allowed to happen. Only the very
best alpha for you.”
“You too, Kin.” Roen wrapped his arm around Kinley’s waist and squeezed. “Only the very best
alphas for each of us. That’s a promise.”
“Promise.” Only time would tell if Kinley could deliver on that promise.
Please, goddess, don’t let me fail them. They’ve already lost too much.
 FOUR

“F UCK, NOT AGAIN .”

Rei looked up at the familiar sound of Eriq Lars-Higgs’s voice coming from two doors down the
hallway, already smiling at what he could easily guess had happened. Rei and Eriq had been playing
with the triplets on the bed in Eriq and Emory’s bedroom, and Eriq had taken Shylo down the hall to
the nursery for a diaper change about a minute ago, while Rei looked after Ferran and Misha. At just
over three months and still tiny, they were pretty easy to manage in an enclosed space like a bed.
He kept track of his two squirming nephews by touch and scent, while Eriq continued to grumble
down the hall. But it was an easygoing grumble born of familiarity with what had likely been a pee
shot to the face while changing Shylo. “You guys just can’t help yourselves, can you?” He squeezed
Ferran’s leg.
The baby squealed in delight.
Rei loved spending time here in the Cross house, helping his cousin Emory and Emory’s mate
Eriq with their boys. And okay, so they weren’t technically mates yet, but whatever. Eriq and Emory
had made all the promises to each other they needed, they were bondmates, and Eriq was living here
with Emory, Emory’s twin Caden, and their parents. To officially mate and file the paperwork, an
alpha had to knot his omega at least once during heat with no condom, mingling their scents.
Because of Emory’s three infants, they hadn’t been willing to risk an accidental pregnancy so soon
after Emory’s C-section. But they were talking about making it official during Emory’s next heat in
roughly two months. Whatever they chose, Eriq was family now, period.
Rei heard Eriq’s footsteps before the elder alpha’s shadow moved in his peripheral vision. “Let
me guess,” Rei said. “Pee to the face?”
Eriq snorted. “Shylo loves doing it to me. Not to Emory, though, just me.”
“If it helps, Ferran got me once last week. Fortunately, my mouth was shut.” Hot pee to the face
was one thing, but hot pee right in the mouth was probably a special kind of gross Rei had no desire
to experience. He tickled the toes of the baby in question. For the rest of his life he would regret not
being able to clearly see the faces of his nephews, but Rei knew their scents, their cries, and their
laughter. He’d treasure those things always.
“So are your parents at the public council meeting?” Rei asked.
“Dad is there with Kell, Braun, and a few other friends,” Eriq replied. “But Father has to work.
I’m not sure if Demir was able to take a few hours off or not.”
Eriq’s parents were in a unique relationship for Sansbury Province. His biological sire and
omegin, Brandt and Oliver Lars-Higgs, were also legally married to a beta man named Demir. Their
trio had been together since Eriq was ten-years-old, but only legally able to marry a bit over a year
ago after territory laws changed so any marriage performed in a single province must be recognized
by all provinces in the greater Northern Territory.
Eriq also had a younger brother named Gaige, who occasionally helped out with the triplets, but
Gaige was also almost fifteen and too interested in sports to want to babysit. He was actually at a
soccer camp for the next few weeks, preparing for the start of his second term of secondary school in
the fall.
“How do you feel about the ordinance?” Rei asked. Misha began to whine, so he scooped the tiny
infant up and cuddled him close to his bare chest. The triplets had all been preemies, and they loved
skin-to-skin contact.
“I’m not sure, honestly.” The bed creaked as Eriq sat opposite him. “I mean, the tax revenue will
definitely help projects all around Sansbury, and I much prefer the idea of brothels being inspected by
officials, as well as there being health and safety regulations in place, rather than the underground
brothels I’ve read reports about. The people who’ve been hurt because of them.”
“But?”
He sensed more than saw Eriq shrug. “I don’t know. Even before I connected with Emory, I never
imagined myself visiting a gentleman’s club, much less an illegal brothel. I don’t see the appeal, even
though other alphas and betas obviously do. I suppose if things are on the up-and-up, and the workers
aren’t being exploited by their bosses, then let people enjoy themselves. Maybe I wouldn’t go there
ever, but that shouldn’t stop other people, right?”
“I suppose. I mean, yeah, that makes sense. And people give away sex for free all the time, so if
you can monetize your body in a safe way that you aren’t coerced into, then why not? Especially if it
isn’t harming anyone else.”
“From the constable’s perspective, though,” Eriq said, “there are people out there who can
become addicted to sex. Places like this, legal or not, fuel that addiction. Even with laws in place it
can still be dangerous to the workers.”
“But with laws in place, aren’t they protected? They have legal recourse if something goes
wrong.”
“True. There are no easy answers here, Rei. I kind of wish the council meeting was being
broadcast, because I bet your omegin and uncle had some things to say to council before the vote.”
Rei laughed. “I’m sure.” He hadn’t spoken directly to Apa or Uncle Kell about their thoughts on
LO-2017. Their hearts were behind anything that made life better and safer for omegas, but this was a
controversial topic, even among advocates. The vast majority of sex workers were beta, but some
omegas (and even the rare alpha) got caught up in the life for all kinds of reasons. He imagined his
family relished the idea of accountability (because sex work was never going away, it was either
make it safer or keep it dangerous), while also disliking its existence in the first place.
No real, clear answers to any of it.
“I guess we’ll know later, when they vote,” Eriq said. “I’m kind of glad I got the day off today, or
I’d probably be part of the detachment watching the town hall steps while the councilors deliberate
and announce their decision.”
“Do constables still do that kind of grunt work?”
“Us newbies do. We’re not all that many steps up from patrolman, we just have more investigative
training. But it’s not forever. One day I hope to have Father’s job.” As Chief Constable of Sansbury,
Brandt Lars-Higgs oversaw dozens of constables and three times as many patrolmen on a daily basis.
Rei wished he could say the same thing about emulating his sire, but he had no ambition to ever
become a constable or the mayor, two jobs his own sire had held with great distinction during Rei’s
lifetime. He admired his cousin-in-law, but Rei was quite content with his life and job as it was now.
“Hey,” Rei said, “Demir’s sire had the Chief Constable job before yours did, so might as well try
to keep it in the family, right?”
“Exactly. Although I have a feeling Father will be ready to retire a long time before I’m qualified
for Chief.”
“Who do you see as a possible replacement?”
“Of the Senior Constables I’ve worked with? Definitely Karter Jenks. He’s got the knowledge and
experience, plus he was one of the youngest patrolmen ever to make constable.”
“Until you came along.”
Eriq laughed. “I guess. Anyway, Misha looks like he’s nodding off, so I’ll put him down in the
nursery, okay?”
“Sure.” Rei felt around until he found Shylo, and he scooped the tiny alpha into his arms. Ferran
and Misha were both beta and a touch bigger than their sibling, but Shylo was a fighter. He’d fought in
the womb and fought afterward to keep up with his brothers, and Rei looked forward to helping Eriq
nurture this baby alpha into a wonderful man worthy of the very best omega mate.
He inhaled Shylo’s familiar scent. “You make your Uncle Rei proud, hear me?”
“What about Uncle Caden?”
Rei looked up out of habit, his attention shifting toward the door and the sound of Caden’s voice.
He hadn’t heard the younger alpha come upstairs. “What what?”
“Shylo’s gotta make Uncle Caden proud, too, dummy. How’s he making us both proud?” Caden’s
scent grew stronger the closer he came to the bed. The covers shifted, and a quick angle of Rei’s head
told him Caden had picked Ferran up off the coverlet.
“By growing up to be an amazing alpha, of course.”
“Of course, he will. Look at all the great examples he’s got. You, me, Eriq, Papa, Uncle Tarek.
He’s covered.”
“Yeah, and with all those great examples, how come you’re still single?”
Caden huffed. “I’m barely twenty, dude, give me time. Besides, you’re older and still single.
What’s your excuse? And don’t tell me your eyes. You’ve still got a nose.”
Rei had totally been called on his bluff. Despite the mating bond being a powerful thing between
alphas and omegas, he still worried that his future bondmate would take one look at his situation and
refuse to mate him. Who wanted a legally blind mate who worked at a massage parlor?
Caden, who was as obtuse as his twin was sensitive, didn’t seem to notice he’d hit a nerve. “I’m
sure I’ll meet my mate when I’m supposed to,” Caden went on, in between making goofy noises at
Ferran. “Everyone has, so far, right? And maybe my omega is right under my nose, the same way Eriq
was right under Emory’s.”
“I guess we’ll find out.”
Rei flashed back to several years ago and the stupid fight he’d once had with his best friend
Gaven. Still a single alpha at the time, Gaven had admitted to Rei that he had a crush on their younger
omega friend Miko Tovey. Miko was then and now adorable in his own way, and for some reason,
Rei had been compelled to say he had a crush on Miko, too. Which had been half-true. He’d always
admired Miko’s cinnamon complexion and black hair, and he had an impish smile. But his
competitive side had reared up for no good reason, leading to a fight with Gaven and a rift that had
lasted months.
They’d eventually healed their broken friendship—on a camping trip a week before the paintball
incident that stole Rei’s sight. In all the time since, he and Gaven had never sat down and really
talked about that fight or the reasons behind it. Reasons Rei couldn’t completely explain to himself,
much less his best friend.
Miko was a year younger than Caden and still hadn’t gone into heat yet, but at nineteen was due
anytime. While all omegas’ scents strengthened during puberty, it was often impossible to tell if an
alpha and omega were bondmates until the omega had dealt with their first heat. Then the scent
markers were said to be impossible to deny. Rei would love it if his bondmate was one of his
younger omega friends—someone he already knew and loved—but the odds weren’t great.
One of the babies gurgled loudly, and it wasn’t Shylo, because the infant kept still in Rei’s arms.
“Oh, gross,” Caden said. “Baby barf.”
The scent of baby vomit hit Rei’s nose and he laughed. “Better you than me, bud.”
“Trade you?”
“Not a chance. And be quiet while you get cleaned up. Eriq just put Misha down to sleep in the
nursery.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be quiet. Ugh, for tiny babies, they sure make big messes.”
“That’s what babies are known for.”
When they were alone, Rei tucked Shylo close against his chest, his own chin resting on the
infant’s head. Soaking in his nephew’s heat and beating heart. Existing until Shylo was asleep. Eriq
fetched him eventually to sleep with the others, and he followed Caden and Eriq downstairs. They
had baby monitors in nearly every room in the house, so no one worried about leaving the upstairs
unoccupied while the triplets slept.
Rei went into the kitchen for a glass of water. After sipping it to quench his parched throat, he
checked the watch his parents had gotten custom-made for his sight limitations. Closing in on supper
time. The vote on LO-2017 should be coming to a close soon, if he’d timed everything right. He
should probably call a cab and head home, but no one would be there, and he disliked tooling around
that big house by himself.
Well, as “by himself” as he could get with anywhere from two to six security guards around the
grounds at all times.
“Hey, Rei, we’re turning the evening news on,” Caden shouted from the living room.
“Be right there.” Even though Rei was sure one of their omegins would call with how the council
voted, he still walked into the living room with his water. Sat in the empty armchair and listened as
the evening reporter went over various things that had happened around the province since the noon
report, including a brief update on the council vote. Nothing concrete though.
His phone chimed. Rei hit the right button, and a mechanical voice read his text to him. “From
Gaven. Have you heard anything yet?”
Using sense memory on the phone’s raised keyboard, Rei replied and used the fun voice-to-text
feature Branson had enhanced. Not yet. No idea what’s going on.
Send.
His friends didn’t text Rei often, because the programs were still new and kind of buggy, and
loved to drain his battery power. It was easier simply to call him and talk. Gaven must have sneaked
the text while at his internship.
Uncle Ronin came home before they heard anything. His scent filled the room, followed by the
familiar thump of his briefcase by the door, then the clank of his keys in a dish on a small side table.
He issued standard greetings on his way upstairs. Ever since the triplets came home, Uncle Ronin’s
habit was to check on who was there, especially the infants. To see and touch them for himself and
know they were safe. Every bit the overprotective grandsire.
 Emory got home before Ronin came back downstairs, and he went right up with Eriq to see the
boys. Rei smiled in their general direction, enjoying the family dynamic at play here, and also a bit
jealous that he didn’t have something similar. Not that Rei wanted triplets or even a mate right now,
but he did envy Emory all his happiness. Eriq, too.
After everything they’d been through, the young couple deserved every single moment of it.
Ronin’s heavy footsteps preceded his arrival back downstairs. “You boys have a good day?” he
asked, his voice heading in the direction of the kitchen.
“Yep,” Rei replied, following his uncle out of habit, easily navigating the house without his cane.
“Eriq got peed on and Caden got barfed on.”
“I’ve had that happen a time or ten myself. Do you work tomorrow?”
“I have a few clients, yes.” Despite it being the weekend, the parlor was open and Rei had shifts.
He had, however, negotiated to only work late afternoons on brunch day, so he could still enjoy that
with his extended family. “You?”
Uncle Ronin chuckled. “Depends on what Kell has up his sleeve.” A known workaholic, Ronin
had a home office setup in a spare bedroom that he shared with Kell, and he often used it on
weekends to keep up with his cases. Uncle Kell, too, to write speeches or work on his upcoming
debut autobiography. Kell had sent in his first round of edits, but apparently there were several more
rounds to go before the manuscript was approved for publication.
Rei looked forward to listening to the book-on-tape version eventually.
Ronin’s mobile rang. “It’s Kell. Hey, little one, what’s the news?” Rei could hear the faint buzz of
Uncle Kell’s voice but not the actual words. The air shifted nearby and Rei caught Caden’s scent.
“All right, I’ll let everyone know. See you soon.”
“Did it pass?” Caden asked.
“It passed, with all but one council member voting for it.”
“Let me guess. The exception was a Traditionalist?”
“Bingo.”
Didn’t surprise Rei in the least. When his parents were his age, Traditionalists had ruled politics
around the territory, and especially in provinces like Sansbury and Rolina. But over the last two
decades, Progressives had been winning more and more votes, giving more basic rights to omegas
and expanding on platforms Kell had been fighting for since before Rei was even born. Kell and Apa
had done so much to change things in Sansbury for the better, but the Traditionalists were clinging
tight to old beliefs with their cold, dead fingers.
“The new ordinance is good for the workers,” Rei said. While Rei didn’t really understand the
need to sell his body for sex in order to make a living, he also acknowledged that it was necessary for
some men, especially betas having trouble finding work in more traditional fields. He also
understood that some men did it because they enjoyed it, and if no one was being hurt in the process,
what was the problem? Now sex workers had protections in legally licensed clubs. Hell, they could
probably form their own union if they wanted to.
“Seems weird to me,” Caden said, “but whatever floats their boat. Just don’t ask me to date one.”
“Date one what?” Uncle Ronin asked. “A sex worker?”
“Yeah. I mean, their body, their choice. But, seriously, why buy a used car if you can get one off
the showroom floor?”
“Caden, that’s rude and incredibly closed-minded of you. What if your future bondmate had done
something like that to survive? Would you judge him for his choice?”
Caden made a grumpy sound. “Just having an opinion, geez.”
 “Yes, well, your opinion can start setting the dining table for dinner. Kell’s bringing home takeout.
Beef pasta bake from the noodle place on Atlantic Street.”
“Fine.”
Rei washed his hands, then helped his cousin set the table, mostly for something to do. He always
washed before setting the table, because he had to handle the flatware in order to place them
properly, and no one wanted his grimy fingers all over their fork. Not that anyone ever complained; it
was mostly Rei’s thing.
Uncle Kell got home a little after six, armed with the aluminum tray of baked pasta and a bottle of
champagne. Apa and Baba were with him. With baby monitors set up, Emory and Eriq joined them a
moment later, and their family sat down to celebrate today’s good fortune. They were all happy,
healthy, and a new change was happening in Sansbury Province meant to protect some of its most
vulnerable citizens.
They were all human beings who deserved equal protections under the law, no matter their
occupation or gender. One step at a time, one new law at a time.
It was all any of them could truly ask for.
 FIVE

EXACTLY ONE WEEK after the city council voted in favor of LO-2017, Kinley began his first shift at
Blue Room under the conditions of the new law. Not that the conditions there weren’t already on the
up-and-up, but it was the first time they could advertise the exclusive rooms without risking arrest for
prostitution. Not that Kinley was going anywhere near those rooms today, or any day in the near
future.
He did his shift in the windows, dancing and grinding, and occasionally flashing a glimpse of his
bare ass. A nice thrust of his package. He’d been raised to be confident in himself, omega or not, and
that confidence fueled his dancing. He was good-looking like his omegin had been, and Kinley knew
how to use his body to his advantage.
Tip tokens collected in his cup, which he loved to see. Last week he’d picked up a few staples at
the store to get them by, but after work today he planned on a big shopping trip at a discount store on
the other side of town from River Row. They needed a serious re-supply of both food and household
items before the credit disappeared.
After two hours, Kinley took his lunch break. He hadn’t brought anything, though, leaving
whatever was in the house for his brothers to eat. So he drank water from the cooler and ate an apple
from the fresh fruit selection the owners kept on-hand for staff. Keeping their blood sugar up kept
energy up for performing.
Zaq came into the break room just as Kinley was leaving, his thong tucked full of paper tips from
the dance floor. More than once, Kinley entertained the idea of dancing the floor rather than behind
the safety of the windows. The tips were better, but Kinley hated the idea of random men touching
him, even just to tip him. No, he’d stick to the windows for now.
After another two hours dancing, Kinley hit the showers, not wanting to go shopping while sticky
and gross. He changed, banked his tips, and headed out. The store he wanted to patronize was about
twenty minutes from Blue Room, and close to forty from home, but Kinley had made a list so no little
extras jumped into his cart. He really shouldn’t shop while hungry, but that’s why he had the list. Stay
on track, stay on budget. And with today’s tips, added into his hourly wage that was transferred over
this morning, the household account should have enough to cover the bill.
The household account had been Kinley’s idea several years ago, after Sire quit working for good
because of his back, as a way for all three of them (Kinley and his siblings, not Sire) to contribute to
food and bills. Starting at age twelve, everyone in Sansbury was issued a credit card that came with a
small monthly stipend, both for survival and for the teens to learn fiscal responsibility. The stipend
for betas and alphas ended when they turned eighteen, but continued for an omega until he mated. So
Kinley, Roen and Yulian all still received their stipends. Add on Kinley’s regular hours at Blue
Room, and they had enough to skate by most months.
They’d have had more if Sire could take his medical files to the city and apply for disability, but
they weren’t ready to risk that yet. As the head of the household with two minor children, a disability
claim would lead to a social worker getting involved. And while Kinley was over eighteen and
legally able to choose where he lived, the last thing anyone wanted was for a Nosy Ned to tell them
Yulian needed to be in a home for kids with special needs, or that Roen would be better off in a
halfway house for unmated omegas. No way.
Their family was staying together.
So they made do with what they had, and Kinley did his best to keep access to the household
account away from Sire and his gambling habits. His drug habit, too. No one talked about it, but
Kinley occasionally caught the acidic odor of smoked Flax on his sire’s clothes. Maybe the man only
did it to numb of the agony he was still in from his back injury, but it was still an illegal substance.
And expensive.
As long as he kept that shit out of the house, Kinley didn’t complain. He focused on his brothers
and keeping them safe from authorities who might try to take them away. He’d already lost Omegin. In
some ways, he’d lost Sire and Yulian, too. He would not lose Roen. If anyone in their family got to
enjoy a long, happy life with a good mate, it would be Roen.
The discount store was expectedly busy the night before the weekend, so Kinley didn’t grumble
too much about how far into the lot he had to park. He got his cart and, armed with his detailed list,
began weaving his way up and down the aisles. Butter and jelly on sale; several loaves of bread off a
clearance cart (he’d toss a few in the freezer); cheap hot dogs close to expiration (again, freezer);
cans of soup marked down for dents; packages of deli meat ends. They had a big bag of apples super-
cheap, too, and bananas were always a steal for a quick, easy breakfast. Bulk oatmeal. Plus, he found
a great sale on toilet paper, which was always a necessity.
Cart full and list complete, Kinley got in line to wait behind folks with several other similarly full
carts. He hummed along to the music piped over the sound system, vaguely aware of folks getting in
line behind him. He didn’t pay close attention until a young voice wailed and begged for what
sounded like “snacks.”
Curious, Kinley glanced over his shoulder. An omegin with a toddler in the kid seat of the cart
was reaching for a box of cereal. Kinley couldn’t help staring a beat, because the omegin had deeply
tanned skin, shiny black hair, and a narrowness to his dark eyes that was uncommon in Sansbury.
Another omegin, this one with fair skin and brown hair, held another young child in his arms, and they
stood just behind the first pair.
“This is what I get for taking him to the store with me,” the first omegin said to the second. “Asher
always wants a snack before we can get out.”
“Thankfully, Caleb hasn’t picked up on that one yet,” the second omegin replied with a cheerful
smile. “Goddess help me when he does, because this kid is a bottomless pit.”
Kinley smiled at the banter between guys he assumed were good friends, then jolted back to his
own cart. The belt was half-empty, so he grabbed a separation bar and began unloading, keeping cold
things grouped together. Finally his turn, Kinley stuck his card in the machine and waited while the
clerk scanned everything. A second man, barely a teenager, carefully bagged Kinley’s order and
placed those bags back into Kinley’s cart.
The final total didn’t surprise him—his estimate had only been off by about five credits—and he
punched in his PIN. Waited. The machine snarled at him.
“I’m sorry, that card has been declined,” the clerk said.
 Kinley blinked hard. “But I literally just put credit in there. Can I try again? Maybe I typed the
PIN wrong.”
“Sure, one second. Okay, go ahead.”
He repeated himself. Another error noise made his heart hit the floor with a sad, embarrassed
plop.
“I’m sorry, sir. Do you have another account you could use?” the clerk asked.
His sympathetic smile made Kinley’s face blaze with shame. “No, this is the household account.
My own card won’t cover it. We need food and I don’t…there should be credit.”
“Sir, we have a bank machine over there if you’d like to check your account. I can suspend your
transaction and hold your cart for a few minutes.”
“I, um, okay.” He really wanted to find a private place to vomit, because only one reason rang in
his head for a lack of funds: Sire. “I’ll be right back.”
Kinley stormed over to the bank machine and stuffed his card inside. Typed in his PIN and asked
for a balance summary. Negative four hundred credits. Negative. Four. Hundred. The numbers swam
in front of him, and Kinley grabbed the machine for support.
How the fuck could he do this to us? How?!
It would take a full week’s pay to make up that deficit, never mind having anything extra to feed
his siblings. His only comfort was knowing the electric and utility bills were paid for the month, but
how were they going to eat? He and his brothers only kept forty credits a month from their stipends
for personal use. For treats or admission to local events, or just a coffee with a friend. Not for
survival.
Fuuuuuuuck!
Fighting off angry tears, Kinley checked the balance on his personal account. Twenty-four credits.
Not enough to buy food for four people for three more weeks until their next stipends hit. Not that he
wanted to buy shit to feed Sire right now. The man could fend for himself. Kinley would buy a fucking
padlock for the refrigerator door if he had to.
Yeah, with what credit, fuck-nut?
Too humiliated to approach the clerk again, Kinley headed for the exit. He’d stop at another store
for a few basic things before he went home, but he couldn’t face this place again today. Stomach
growling angrily for food, he paused just outside the grocery store doors and glared at the setting sun.
Heat sweltered around him but he barely felt it. He’d come here with so much enthusiasm for stocking
their bare shelves, and he was leaving with nothing except damaged pride and anger. Anger at the
world. Anger at that stupid accident for destroying his family and the safety net they’d once had.
“Excuse me?”
Kinley turned, positive the voice wasn’t talking to him, only to come face to face with the black-
haired omega from inside. He held a single paper shopping bag that was stuffed to the top with things
that made Kinley’s insides ache with hunger. “I’m sorry, am I in your way?” Kinley asked.
“No, you aren’t.” He smiled sweetly. “I wanted to give you this.” The young omegin held out the
bag.
Completely dumbfounded, he simply stared a beat. “Why?”
“Because I overheard what happened with your card, and I can help. I once had perfect strangers
take me in without question and help me out of a jam. I like to think this is paying some of their
kindness forward.”
“I don’t…” The stranger hoisted the bag at him, and Kinley had no choice but to take it. He
spotted loaves of bread and a bag of apples, plus other things. “I can repay you for this.”
 “No need. Honest. Just please, feed yourself and your family, and maybe find a way to pay it
forward one day.”
“Thank you.” As humiliated as he was, Kinley also wasn’t above taking this small bit of charity
from someone who genuinely seemed to care. “My name’s Kinley.”
“Khory. Take care, okay?”
“You too. Thank you. I mean it, Khory, thank you.”
With a gentle smile, Khory squeezed his elbow then headed into the parking lot. Kinley stared for
a while, before heading to his own car. The bag had a half-gallon of milk, which was sweating
through the paper, so he dumped it into the backseat and headed home. He wasn’t used to the kindness
of random strangers, and he sent a silent prayer to the goddess to bless this Khory for his generosity.
For helping Kinley feed his brothers for a few more days without asking for any recognition or
reward in return.
The kindness also tempered his fury at Sire a bit, so he wasn’t a steaming ball of attitude when he
got home. Roen and Yulian were watching TV in the living room, and Roen rose, likely to help unload
what he expected to be a lot of bags. Kinley waved him off and went into the kitchen with the single
sack of food.
Two loaves of bread, butter, grape jelly, the apples, a bunch of bananas, the oatmeal, and two
packs of hotdogs. All things from Kinley’s own cart, plus three boxes of macaroni and cheese dinners
—not from his cart. Had Khory taken them from his own stuff? Because he hadn’t had time to dash
back into the store, especially not with a friend and two kids along.
“That’s all you bought?” Roen said behind him.
“No, that’s all someone else bought for us.” Kinley described his last hour, unable to mask his
anger at Sire anymore. “He stole from us again, Roen. I don’t want him here anymore, but I can’t risk
the authorities finding out we don’t have a guardian in the house. I don’t know what to do.”
“You’re doing fine.” Roen hugged him from the side. “You are the best big brother. We’ll get
through this. I still have thirty credits. I can buy more food.”
“No, that’s your money. It’s the only fun money you ever get, and I won’t take it from you. I’ll
figure this out, brother, I promise.”
“I hate that you think you have to do everything by yourself.”
“I’m the big brother. It’s my job.” He put the milk and hot dogs away in the too hot room, then
added the bread to the fridge, too. It would last longer in there, even if chilling it made the bread a bit
chewy and stale. They didn’t have extra butter for the boxed mac and cheese if they wanted to make
sandwiches, but they did have the milk, so they’d make do.
“Did you guys have anything for supper?” Kinley asked.
“Not yet.”
“Cool. Here.” He handed Roen one of the boxed mac and cheese dinners. “Cook this, then cut up
two hot dogs into it. We’ll all three share.”
“What about Sire?”
Kinley resisted the urge to growl. “Is he home?”
“No.”
“Then he can fucking well feed himself. From now on this is our food, not his. If he wants to
gamble and steal to feed his drug habit, then he can gamble and steal to feed his own fucking stomach.
In fact, you cook supper and I’ll be back in a little while.”
“Where are you going?”
“Hardware store.”
 He had a fucking padlock to buy.

Kinley bought and installed two locks that night: one on the fridge and one on a kitchen cabinet where
he stored the other two boxed mac and cheese dinners. The keys went on a cord around his neck.
After Roen and Yulian ate their fill of supper, Kinley polished off the little that remained. His stomach
ached for more but he ignored the pangs and tried to fill in the empty space with lots of cool water
from the tap.
It didn’t help much.
Kinley was reading a library book, andRoen and Yulian were busy with a workbook that Yulian
wasn’t paying a lot of attention to when Sire came home. He didn’t look at any of them, simply strode
through the living room and ducked behind the kitchen blanket. Something rattled. Sire swore.
Kinley’s stomach twisted into a tiny ball of ice, and he stood from the couch. He’d anticipated this
confrontation for hours.
“Why the hell is the fridge locked?” Sire asked as he strode back into the living room. He seemed
more perplexed than pissed, which was a nice change.
“So you can’t get to the meager scraps of food in there that need to feed us for the next couple of
weeks,” Kinley retorted, pulling up his full five-foot-seven. Semi-tall for an omega but nowhere near
Sire’s six-foot-one. “Food donated to me by a kind stranger, because you stole our money again!”
Sire’s shoulders sagged. “I didn’t steal it. It was a loan, and the bet was supposed to be a sure
thing. We could have had steaks every night for a month if my tip had been legit.”
Same argument, different day. “Well, apparently, your tip was bullshit like usual, because I had
the great pleasure of my card being declined at the grocery store today. In front of all kinds of people.
We only ate tonight because a nice person paid his own good luck forward by giving me a bag of
groceries. A bag of fucking macaroni and hot dogs!”
“I’m so sorry, Kin, you know I’d work if I could, but my back—”
“Is the same excuse you have month after month.” On the couch, Yulian began to rock back and
forth, his usual silent calm affected by the argument. “You can. Not. Gamble. With our household
money. When you lose, it’s gone, and guess who has to earn more? Me. I was humiliated today by
your sure thing, so try and remember that the next time you want to empty our account so you can
gamble on some fucking card game.”
Temper sparked in Sire’s expression, but Yulian’s distinct wail cut off the rest of the argument.
Kinley went to his baby brother and hugged him, trying to settle his upset, wishing Yulian had more
words to describe how he felt. But the accident had happened when he was a delicate eight years old,
and doctors said he would never mentally develop beyond that age. Never hold complex
conversations or live alone. His little brother was broken and Kinley had no resources to fix him.
And if he couldn’t fix him, he could at least protect him. Keep him safe and fed and as happy as
possible.
“I’m sorry, boys,” Sire said. “I really thought this one was it.” Then he stormed out the front door,
closing it with a slam that made Yulian scream.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” Kinley whispered to Yulian, whose tears wetted his neck. “I’ve got you, bro,
it’s okay. We’re okay.”
“Yeah, it’ll all be fine.” Roen cuddled close on Yulian’s other side, and slowly their little brother
calmed. Yulian hated loud noises and shouting, and he never seemed to understand why the adults
around him got upset. Sometimes Kinley wondered if he would be better off in a specialized school,
but he wasn’t ready to send his brother away just yet.
Later that night, they shared an apple, sliced up with a little bit of jelly, as a snack before bedtime.
The food helped Yulian fall asleep faster. Roen and Kinley sat together on the couch, TV off, each
reading in the dim light of the floor lamp they kept draped in a cloth to mute the heat it threw off. The
house was silent save the rasp of the air conditioner as it spat out its cool air.
“Do you think Sire’s coming back home tonight?” Roen whispered.
“I don’t care.” And he truly didn’t. He also had half a mind to go to the bank tomorrow morning
and change the household account number so Sire’s card no longer worked. It was something he
should have done a long time ago, but part of him had always hoped that the last time would actually
be the last time. Today told him different.
Today proved Sire was never going to change. And Kinley had to do whatever was necessary to
protect his brothers, even if he lost part of himself in the process.
Even if it meant a trip down to one of Blue Room’s exclusive basement rooms.
They’re worth it. My brothers are worth it.
 SIX

REI WAS grumpy at brunch that weekend, and he couldn’t explain why—not to himself or to his
friends. He’d accepted an invitation to Gaven and Frey’s apartment, along with Caden, Branson,
Emory and Eriq. Uncles Ronin and Kell were on triplet duty for a few hours, so their exhausted
parents could unwind for a little while. Rei was pretty sure Apa and Baba would end up at the Cross
house, too, simply so Kell and Apa could coo over the babies.
Emory seemed a bit on-edge, but he was also never away from his triplets for very long. Plus,
Shylo had had a slight fever yesterday and, despite being normal today, Emory tended to fuss when
one of the boys wasn’t one-hundred-percent. Especially little Shylo, who’d had a few serious
medical issues as a newborn.
Rei ate his food and sipped his coffee, and he listened to the banter between friends and family.
He loved being able to spend time with Gaven, who’d been his best friend forever, and to be in the
company of other guys his age for a while. Even if he did tend to see—ha-ha—Emory, Eriq and
Caden quite a lot, because he liked volunteering for babysitting. It gave Rei something constructive to
do between massage clients, since he didn’t have a personal life of his own.
And maybe that was what had his mood in the toilet this weekend. Emory was mated and happy.
Gaven was mated and happy. Other friends of theirs from childhood were mated and happy, some
with kids and some without. Everyone seemed to be moving ahead, while Rei stayed mired in the
present. Stuck. He was twenty-one, twenty-two in two more months. Still not necessarily old to be
unmated, but he was the oldest unmated alpha now in their group of friends and family. The next two
youngest, both a year behind him, were Linus Higgs and Caden.
They’ll probably both mate before I do.
And why not? Caden was outspoken and fearless, and he was a very rare twin with a famous
omegin. Linus was a soccer star, bringing in plenty of goals last year as his university team’s starting
forward. When he graduated, he’d have plenty of offers from professional soccer teams across the
territory, and omegas would be falling at his feet.
What was Rei? Legally blind. A masseuse who made just enough to pay his bills, which weren’t
high considering he still lived at home. But how was he supposed to support a mate and potential
children when he couldn’t fucking see them?
His grumpy mood carried Rei out onto the balcony with the beer he’s swiped from Gaven’s
fridge. Hot summer air boiled around him, mixed with familiar odors of gasoline, engine exhaust and
wood smoke. The smoke was from a barbecue restaurant about a block away. He and Gaven had
eaten there more than once since Gaven and Frey moved into this apartment, and he loved their ribs.
Fall-off-the-bone juicy with just enough spice and tang.
 Today’s brunch menu had been delicious, but his stomach still panged for a taste of those ribs. He
gazed out over a dark landscape of brick apartment buildings Gaven had described to him once, and
he tried to imagine himself on the balcony of his own apartment. Maybe just across the street, facing
Gaven’s, with Rei’s own mate inside waiting for him. Pure fantasy but one that helped him sleep most
nights.
He longed for a relationship as full of love and devotion as his parents. He also recognized he
was young, and that Baba hadn’t mated until he was twenty-eight. But Baba had also been a career
constable and a workaholic. Rei was neither of those things. He was simply trying to survive in a
seeing world where so many things seemed stacked against him.
The balcony door slid open and shut, and his nose told him who was settling into the deck chair
beside him. “Dude, what’s your deal?” Caden asked. “You look like you’re at a funeral instead of
brunch.”
“Bad day, no biggie.” Rei would have preferred almost anyone except his younger cousin be the
one to find and confront him. Emory was the intensely sensitive half of the twins, while Caden was…
not. Usually Rei liked that about Caden, but today he just wanted the younger alpha to take a step
back.
“Hey, you can’t shit a shitter, man. What’s got you twisted?”
“Look, it’s just a bad day, okay? I’m allowed to have them.” He’d had more than one in the three-
ish years since losing most of his sight, but Rei had done his damnedest to keep those bad days from
his family. Well, he hadn’t been able to hide much from Apa, but he’d hidden his moods from his
cousins and friends. He didn’t want or need their fucking pity.
He didn’t want anyone’s pity.
“Yeah, okay, fine,” Caden said. “Can you maybe have your bad day when you go home? You’re
bringing down the mood.”
Rei snorted and sipped his beer. “So sorry to be crashing the mood.”
“Come on, talk to me.”
“It’s stupid.” And if he thought hard about it, the whole thing circled back to his afternoon client
yesterday. A young, newly mated alpha in for a basic back and leg massage, who hadn’t been able to
shut up about how wonderful the heat he’d just spent with his new mate had been. How close they’d
felt, how much the alpha loved his omega, blah, blah, blah. Rei had smiled and done his job, and he’d
worked hard to keep his jealousy at bay. But his client’s verbal diarrhea had soured Rei’s mood for
the last twenty-odd hours.
I’m jealous of a basic stranger I’ll probably never see again. Pathetic.
Some clients were long-term, like Jory, who’d had his second appointment a few days ago. Others
were one-and-done for whatever reason. Rei truly hoped the happy alpha was a one-and-done and he
moved on to another masseuse or another salon altogether.
“If it’s stupid then just tell me. Like I haven’t done a bazillion stupid things in my lifetime you can
make fun of me for.”
True enough. Caden wasn’t exactly known for his critical thinking skills or his ability to plan
ahead. He stumbled full-force into whatever he wanted, sometimes with disastrous results.
“I’m just jealous, I guess,” Rei finally admitted. “Of Gaven and Frey, and of Emory and Eriq.
Peyton and Layne, Khory and Aeron, and all our other friends. They have their bondmates and…I
don’t. Aren’t you ever jealous?”
In his peripheral vision, Rei swore Caden shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe sometimes. I mean, I
like the idea of mating one day and having kids, I guess. I just…like my life the way it is right now.”
 “Single and alone?”
“Single for sure, but not necessarily alone.” He snorted. “Do you know how easy it is to get
someone to sleep with you when you’re kind of famous? Ten minutes in a bar down on the east side,
and I’ve got someone ready and willing to suck my dick.”
“Dude. How long have you been doing that?”
“I don’t know, since I was sixteen? So what? Like you’ve never hooked up with a random beta in
a bar.”
Rei couldn’t stop his face from heating. He had no idea what Caden’s expression looked like, so
he sipped his beer and said nothing.
“Come on, Rei, really? Even before you lost your sight?”
Irritation prickled his skin. He’d had a few experiences with hand and blow jobs, but had never
felt comfortable going all the way with a random hookup. It just wasn’t his thing. “Look, I didn’t trade
on being the mayor’s son, okay? I went out with Gaven, Aeron and Peyton a few times, but it wasn’t
about chasing tail, it was just to hang with them. And then there was that whole stupid fight with Gav
about our crushes on Miko, and going out to get laid felt weird while I liked Miko, so I didn’t. And
then this happened.” He gestured at his face.
“So, you’re a twenty-one-year-old virgin?”
Rei growled. “So what?”
“Hey, not judging. Not really. I mean some guys want to wait until they find their bondmate, right?
But it’s not like you have to.” The air moved as Caden shifted in his chair. “I’m going to take you
out.”
“To where?”
“There’s this really classy strip club on Westover I’ve been to a few times. The dancers are
incredible and you can even touch as long as you tip.”
“Yeah, sitting on a stool, drinking overpriced alcohol and watching dancers I can’t see sounds
like a fantastic way to spend my evening.”
Rei’s untampered sarcasm seemed to roll right over Caden. “What if I pick a dancer and buy you
a private lap dance? With the new laws, it isn’t illegal if things, you know, go further than just a
dance. I’ll pay for the whole thing.”
“Why are you so obsessed with this?”
“Why are you so against it?”
“I’m not.” Not really. Rei had never thought of himself as the kind of guy who’d pay for sex, but a
lap dance didn’t sound completely out of the question. A little physical stimulation never hurt anyone,
and with the new local ordinance, the workers in those places were protected from assholes who
might take advantage of them.
“So you wanna do it?” Caden asked when Rei said nothing else.
Caden seemed intent on seeing this through, and really, what better option did Rei have right now?
At the least, he was going to a strip club with his cousin. At the most, he was potentially getting a
private lap dance from someone of Caden’s choice, since Rei wouldn’t have much to go on beyond
scent.
“Fine, whatever, let’s do it,” Rei said. “But all I promise is to show up. Nothing else.”
“I can work with that. When do you get off tomorrow?”
“That soon?”
“Why wait? When?”
“My last client session ends at four.”
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
nähdä valon, yksi kallio, jonka päällä meidän jalkamme voivat saada
tuen syvyydessäkin; ja se on se usko, vaistomainen, myötäsyntynyt,
joka ei riipu järkisyistä eikä opista, että nuo aallot ovat Jumalan
lähettämät; ja että vaikka me tuonelaan alas laskeutuisimme, on Hän
sielläkin; se usko, että Hän kasvattaa meitä, vaan emme me itse; ja
että nämä toisistaan riippumattomilta näyttävät surkeudet, myrsky
maanjäristyksen jälkeen ja maanjäristys tulen jälkeen, niinkuin
kaikkien pahojen henkien vehkeet olisivat lasketut irralle meitä
vastaan, Hänen ajatuksissaan ovat yhtenä hengellisenä jaksona,
elimellisenä kokonaisuutena, jolla on tarkoitus, vaikk'emme sitä näe;
sen uskon kautta näemme, että nämä surut eivät tule kukin erikseen,
ainoasti siksi että Hän tahtoo tehdä työn meidän henkemme hyväksi
lyhemmäksi, vaan siksi että kuta suuremman vaikutuksen Hän
näkee toisella iskulla olevan, sitä pikemmin antaa Hän toisen
seurata, kunnes suuressa ja monivaiheisessa käännekohdassa, joka
meistä näyttää pitkälle, vaan joka on lyhyt kuolemattomuuteen
verrattuna, meidän henkemme voipi tulla: »Tulipunaseksi palaen
tuskasta, kylpien halveksimisen kyynelissä, ja tuomion vasaran
lyömäksi, että se muodostuisi ja kuluisi.»

Two Years Ago.

Ei ole sen mustempaa kiusausta kuin se, joka tulee ihmisen eteen,
kun perkele kuiskaa hänelle tämmöisiä ajatuksia: »Jumala ei
minusta välitä — Jumala vihaa minua. Onni ja kaikki muu on minua
vastaan. Jonkinlainen kirous näyttää riippuvan minun päälläni. Miksi
minun pitäisi muuttua? Tulkoon Jumala ensin toisellaiseksi minua
vastaan, niin tulen minäkin toisellaiseksi Häntä kohtaan. Mutta
Jumala ei tahdo tulla toisellaiseksi; Hän on päättänyt ettei osoita
vanhurskautta minulle. Minä voin nähdä sen; sillä kaikessa käypi
mulle huonosti. Mitäpä silloin auttaa katua? Minä tahdon kulkea omia
teitäni — ja tulkoon mitä tulee. — Onko sulla koskaan ollut
semmoisia ajatuksia? Silloin kuule Herran sana sinulle: »Kun
jumalaton kääntyy kaikista synneistään, joita hän on tehnyt, ja tekee
oikeuden ja vanhurskauden, niin hän saa totisesti elää. Luuletko
minulla olevan iloa jumalattoman kuolemasta, sanoo Herra, Herra,
eikö paljoa enempi, että hän palajaa teistään ja saapi elää?» Hes.
18:21—23. Elä koskaan usko perkelettä, kun hän sanoo Jumalan
sinua vihaavan. Elä usko häntä koskaan, kun hän sanoo sinulle
Jumalan olleen liika kovan sinua vastaan ja asettaneen sinut
semmoisiin olosuhteisiin kiusausten, tietämättömyyden, köyhyyden
tai jonkin muun kuorman alaiseksi, niin ettet sinä voi tulla
paremmaksi. Mitä sanoo sinun kasteesi lupaus? »Joskin olet köyhä,
kiusattu, tietämätön, tyhmä, olepa mikä tahansa, niin sinä olet
Jumalan lapsi — sinun Isäsi rakkaus kannattaa sinua, Hänen
armonsa on alttiina sinulle.» Sinä tunnut heikolta parantueksesi.
Rukoile Jumalan Henkeä antamaan sinulle tahdon voimaa, jota et
koskaan ennen ole tuntenut. Sinä tunnut liika ylpeältä muuttuaksesi.
Rukoile Jumalan Henkeä nöyryyttämään ylpeää sydäntäsi,
pehmittämään kovaa sydäntäsi; ja sinä saat ihmeeksesi nähdä että
kun ylpeytesi on hävinnyt, kun olet sisällisesti häpeissäsi itsesi
tähden ja näet syntisi niitten oikeassa mustassa valossa ja tunnet
itsesi arvottomaksi katsomaan Jumalaan ylös, silloin tulee sijaan
jalompi, pyhempi ja miehuullisempi tunne — oman kunnioituksen
tunto ja puhdas omatunto ja se ajatus, että heikkona ja huononakin
olet sinä oikealla tiellä; että Jumala ja Hänen enkelinsä hymyilevät
sinulle; että sinä jälleen olet sopusoinnussa maan ja taivaan kanssa,
sillä sinä olet se, joksi Jumala sinua tahtoo. Et ole Hänen ylpeä,
vaikeroiva, itsepäinen lapsensa, joka kuvailet olevasi kyllin väkevä
kulkemaan yksin, kun sinä todellisuudessa olet omain himojesi,
halujesi orja ja perkeleen leikkikalu; vaan sinä olet Hänen rakastava,
harras lapsensa Jumalan voiman kautta ja kykenet tekemään mitä
tahdot, sillä mitä sinä tahdot, sitä tahtoo Jumalakin.

National Sermons.

Välttääksemme Jumalan kieltämistä ja epäilystä muistakaamme,

että elämän suhteitten Luoja ja Ylläpitäjä ei ole sattuma tai luonto,
vaan meidän Herramme Jesuksen Kristuksen ja meidän Isä.

Kun tunnet olevasi syvimmässä ja pimeimmässä epäilyksessä,

silloin rukoile epäilijän rukous ja huuda kovasti: »Herra, jos Sinä olet
olemassa, anna minun tietää olemisesi! Johda ajatukseni tielle, jota
minä en tunne, Sinun totuuteesi», ja Jumala kyllä vapauttaa sinut.

Letters and Memories.

Joskin kirjeesi oli surullinen, ilahutti se minua; sillä aina on ilo

nähdä elämää tulevan kuolemasta, terveyttä tulevan jälleen
sairauden perästä, vaikkakin lääkärien tiedon mukaan
tukehtumisesta tai hukkumisesta parantuminen on aina yhtä
kivullinen kuin ohimenevä kuoleman tila itsessään oli kivuton. Usko
syntyy epäilyksestä. »Ei elämässä, vaan kuolemassa on kaikki
liikkumatonta.» Ota kaikki nämä sinun epäilyksesi ja taistelusi
yksinkertaisesti yhtä monena merkkinä siitä, että sinun taivaallinen
Isäsi menettelee kanssasi kuin isä, ettei Hän ole hyljännyt sinua, ei
ole vihanen sinulle, vaan opettaa sinulle sillä tavalla, kuin sinun
luonteellesi parhaiten soveltuu, suurimman kaikista läksyistä:
»Tyhjenny omasta itsestäsi, niin Jumala täyttää sinut». Heitä
murheesi taivaalliselle Isällesi. Jos Isän nimi mitään merkitsee,
merkinnee se sitä, että Hän ei tahdo kääntyä pois eksyvästä
lapsestaan semmoisella tavalla, ett'et sinä ilkiäisi sillä tavalla
kääntyä pois omasta lapsestasi. Jos on sääliä, pysyvää rakkautta,
kärsivällisyyttä ihmisessä, on se kaikki tullut Jumalasta. Ne ovat
ennen kaikkea Hänen ominaisuuksiaan. Usko Hänen omistavan niitä
miljoonia kertoja enempi kuin kukaan maallinen olento.

Paavali oli pienimpään asti perehtynyt siihen mielentilaan, missä

sinä olet. Hän sanoo löytäneensä yleislääkkeen sitä vastaan. Ja
päättäen siitä tavasta, miten hänen sanansa ovat juurtuneet ja
levinneet ja voittaneet, on niissä varmaankin syvyyttä ja elämää.
Miks'ei siis koettaa niitä? Luepa Roomalaiskirjeen 9 ensimäistä
lukua ja pidä totena, että ne merkitsevät yksinkertasesti mitä niissä
sanotaan.

Letters and Memories.

Kun kiusauksen hetki tulee, palaja takasin, jos tahdot lankeemista

välttää, siihen mitä kuulit äitisi helmoissa Jumalan armosta; sillä
yksin armo säilyttää sinut pelastettuna, jos kukaan enkeli tai
pääenkeli tai jokin luotu olento on pelastettu tässä ja tulevassa
elämässä.

Sermons on David.

Mitä tämä kaikki merkitsee? huudan minä. Yötä päivää on taivas

ollut mustana minulle. Sinä ehkä ajattelet että on syntistä hautoa
semmosia ajatuksia. Minun kokemukseni on, että kun ne tulevat, on
niitten kanssa taisteltava, on niitä katsottava kasvoihin, taisteltava
niitten kanssa tarkoin mietityllä tavalla, oltava kärsivällisiä, jos ne
joksikin aikaa voittavat meidät. Kaikkein semmoisten seikkain kautta
ihmiset elävät; näissä on henkinen elämä. Ainoasti laskeutumalla
alas tuonelaan voidaan herätä ylös kolmantena päivänä. Minä olen
ollut tuonelassa monta kertaa elämässäni, sentähden on minulla
ollut jonkin verran vaikutusta ihmissydämiin. Vaan minä en ole
nähnyt tuonelaa niin likeltä kasvoihin kuin aivan äskettäin.
Sentähden toivon minä sen kautta saavani uutta voimaa noustakseni
ja nostaakseni muita ylös taivasta kohti.

Minä voin ainoasti huutaa: »Oi Herra, Sinuun olen minä luottanut,
elä salli minun koskaan joutua häpeään. Miksi kelvoton sanoisi:
missä on nyt hänen Jumalansa?» Mutta silloin kun minä olen enin
rauhaton, sanoo sisällinen ääni minulle: »Mitä se haittaa, jos sinä
joudut häpeään? Jumala ei joudu. Usko vain lujasti ja luottavasti,
että Jumala on niin hyvä, kuin sinä rajoitetulla ymmärrykselläsi voit
käsittää, ja Hän kyllä viimeinkin antaa sinun ymmärtää kuinka hyvä
Hän on, ja sinä saat täydellisen siunauksen siitä, että näet
Jumalan.» Sinä ehkä sanot että minä puhun vastakkaista. Niin minä
teenkin; ja niin tekevät Davidin psalmitkin, jos ne rehellisesti luetaan.
Kuitenkin juuri tämä vastakkaisuus tekee ne aina mahdollisiksi
tunkeutumaan ihmissydämiin. Ne ovat ihmisen sanoja, joka on
todellisessa epäilyksessä ja todellisessa pimeydessä, joka huutaa
valoa ja joka ei huuda turhaan, niinkuin en minäkään luule turhaan
huutavani.

‒ ‒ Minä vain tiedän, etten minä mitään tiedä, vaan toivon että
Kristus, joka on Ihmisen Poika, opettaa minulle vähä kerrassaan, jos
olen kärsivällinen ja valveillani, mitä minä olen ja mitä ihminen on.

Letters and Memories.

Muutamia seikkoja minä näen selvästi ja pidän niistä kiini lujasti ja

epätoivosesti — yksi kaikkien Isä taivaassa; yksi Jumalan Poika,
joka on pukeutunut lihaan ja vereen kaikkien edestä (tämä ihmiseksi
tuleminen on yhtenä tosiasiana, joka minulle on kaikki kaikessa, siksi
että se tekee kaiken muun mahdolliseksi ja käsitettäväksi ja ilman
sitä tulisin minä heikkomieliseksi); ja yksi Isän ja Pojan Henki, kaiken
hyvän lähde maan päällä — joka vaikuttaa sekä tahdon että työn
hyvän suosionsa jälkeen — kenessä? niin, jokaisessa
ihmisolennossa, jossa on kipenekään todellista hyvää, pienin
toivekaan tehdä oikein tai tulla hyödyksi. Ulkopuolella tätä näen minä
ainoasti vähäsen, lukuun ottamatta sitä, että oikea on jumalallista ja
kaikki voittavaa, mutta väärä on aivan pirullista ja kuitenkin heikkoa,
mieletöntä, meluisaa heijastusta, joka pakenee jokaista miehuullista
iskua, kun meillä vain on rohkeutta lyödä Jumalan nimessä.

Letters and Memories.

Ei ole mitään murhetta, mitä ihminen voipi maistaa, jota Jesus

Kristus ei olisi täysin maistanut. Hän täytti surkeuden maljan ääriään
myöten ja tyhjensi sen sakkaan asti. Hän maistoi kuoleman jokaisen
ihmisen edestä ja painui alas kauhun ja häpeän ja kuolintuskan ja
kuoleman syvimpään syvyyteen, ja mikä kaikista kauheinta oli,
tuntien että Jumala oli hyljännyt Hänet, ettei ollut mitään apua eikä
toivoa Hänellä taivaassa eikä maan päällä; sanalla sanoen Hän astui
alas tuonelaan, vieläpä kaikkein syvimpään pimeyteen, missä
ihminen hetkeksi tuntee, ettei Jumala ole hänelle mitään eikä hän
mitään Jumalalle. Jesus suostui menemään siihenkin syvyyteen
meidän edestämme. Kauheimman kaikista kiusauksista, josta David
maistoi vain pisaran, kun hän huudahti: »Minun Jumalani, minun
Jumalani! miksis minun ylenannoit?» (Ps. 22:2), sen tyhjensi Jesus
pohjaan asti meidän edestämme. Hän astui alas helvettiin meidän
tähtemme ja voitti helvetin ja kuoleman ja tuon tuntemattoman
maailman pimeyden ja nousi ylös jälleen kirkastettuna sieltä,
voidakseen opettaa meitä olemaan pelkäämättä kuolemaa ja
helvettiä; voidakseen tietää miten Hänen oli lohdutettava meitä
kuolon hetkellä ja tuomiopäivänä, kun olemme sairasvuoteella tai
jossain katkerassa häpeässä eli ahdistuksessa, kun valehtelija
perkele uskottelee meille, että Jumala on tuominnut ja kadottanut ja
hyljännyt meidät, ja kun kaikki tekemämme synnit nousevat
eteemme ja tuijottavat meitä vasten kasvoja.

National Sermons.

Mitkä ikinä lienevätkään elämän ja kuoleman salaisuudet, on

olemassa yksi salaisuus, jonka Kristuksen risti ilmoittaa meille, ja se
on Jumalan ääretön ja ehdoton hyvyys. Anna kaiken muun jäädä
salaisuudeksi, kunnes Kristuksen risti antaa sulle uskon kaikkeen
muuhun. Uskon, sanon minä. Pahuuden, pelon ja kuoleman
salaisuuksia ei Evankeliumi tahdo täydellisesti valaista meille, vaan
se sanoo meille, että on nähty senkin salaisuuden voivan tulla
valkeuteen; sillä Jumala itse on ottanut työkseen valaista sen; ja
Kristus on osoittanut omalla menettelytavallaan, ettei mitään pahaa
maailmassa ole Hänen, sillä Hän vihaa sitä, taistelee sitä vastaan, ja
Hän soti sitä vastaan kuoloon asti. Risti sanoo: Usko Jumalaan. Elä
sentähden kysele enää: »Miksi olet Sinä luonut minut tämmöiseksi?»
Elä kysele enää: »Miksi pahalle käy hyvin maan päällä?» Elä kysele
enää: »Mistä tulee tuskaa ja kuolemaa, sotia ja nälänhätää,
maanjäristystä ja rajuilmaa, ja kaikkia niitä onnettomuuksia, jotka
kaikkea lihaa kohtaavat?» Kaikki tarpeettomat kysymykset, kaikki
tyytymättömät valitukset ovat tästä lähin poistetut Kristuksen
kuoleman ja kärsimyksen kautta.

Kärsitkö sinä? Sinä et voi kärsiä enempää kuin Jumalan Poika.

Onko sulla myötätuntoisuutta toisia kärsiviä kohtaan? Sinulla ei voi
olla enempi myötätuntoisuutta heitä kohtaan kuin Jumalan Pojalla.
Halajatko sinä saada heitä oikealle tielle, vapauttaaksesi heitä,
vaikkapa palkkasi siitä olisi sinun oma veresi? Sinä et voi halata sitä
innokkaammin kuin Jumalan Poika, joka toimeen pani halunsa
työssä ja kuoli heidän tähtensä ja sinun tähtesi. Mitähän jos se työ ei
olisi vielä loppunut? Mitähän jos paha vielä pitää puoliaan? Mitähän
jos lääke ei ole vielä voittanut sairautta? Ole kärsivällinen, usko,
toivo, kun seisot Kristuksen ristin juurella ja pidät siitä kiini, kuten
sielusi ja ymmärryksesi niin hyvin kuin sydämesikin ankkurista. Sillä
kuinka kieroon tahansa maailma meneekin ja näyttää menevän, on
risti kuitenkin se ijankaikkinen merkki, että Jumala on niin rakastanut
maailmaa, ettei säästänyt ainoaa poikaansa, vaan antoi Hänet
mielellään sen edestä. Mikä tahansa muuten lieneekin epäiltävää,
tämä on vähintäinkin varmaa, että Jumala on voittava, koska Jumala
on hyvä; että pahan täytyy joutua tappiolle, sillä Jumala vihaa pahaa,
jopa kuolemaan asti.

Westminster Sermons.

Kuinka voipi pohjaton syvyys, jos me siihen putoamme, tulla

rapuksi ijankaikkiselle kalliolle? David sanoo meille: »Syvyydestä
huudan minä Sinua, Herra!» Ps. 130:1. Hän huusi Jumalalle, — ei
itselleen, ei luottanut oppiinsa, viisauteensa, lahjoihinsa — vaan hän
huusi Jumalaa vetämään itseään ylös tästä syvyydestä. Ei hän
turvautunut opinkappaleisiin, kirjoihin, kirkonkäyntiin, ei rakkaimpaan
maalliseen ystävään, ei omiin kokemuksiinsa, uskonsa vakuutuksiin,
muotoihin tai tunteisiin. Asia oli liika kauhea, niin ettei siitä voinut
suoriutua tällä eikä millään muulla tavalla. Hän oli kasvoista
kasvoihin Jumalan kanssa yksin, ja äärimäisessä heikkoudessa,
äärimäisessä sielun alastomuudessa huusi hän Jumalan itsensä
puoleen. Se oli opetusta. Jumala otti kaikki pois häneltä, ettei hänellä
olisi ketään muuta, kenen puoleen huutaisi, kuin Jumala.

Ja jokaisen ihmissielun kanssa käypi, kun se on syvyydessä,

huutaen syvyydestä Jumalan tykö, samoin kuin kävi Moseksen
kanssa, kun hän meni yksin Jumalan vuorelle ja paastosi
neljäkymmentä päivää ja neljäkymmentä yötä maanjäristyksessä ja
ukkosrajuilmassa ja kallioitten keskellä, jotka sulivat Herran edestä.
Ja katso, silloin kun se oli ohi, puhui hän kasvoista kasvoihin
Jumalan kanssa, samoin kuin mies puhuu ystävänsä kanssa, ja
hänen kasvonsa loistivat taivaallisesta valosta, kun hän tuli
voittajana alas Jumalan vuorelta.

Good News of God — Sermons.

Kauhealla ristillä rukoili Kristus murhaajainsa puolesta: »Isä, anna

heille anteeksi, sillä he eivät tiedä, mitä tekevät». Luk. 23:34. Tämä
on se mielenlaatu, jonka monet ihmiset voivat saada pimeästä
syvyydestä. Se mielenlaatu on: tuntea kaikkein edestä, tuntea
kaikkein kanssa; iloita iloitsevain kanssa ja itkeä itkeväin kanssa;
ymmärtää ihmisten koettelemuksia ja sietää heidän kiusauksiaan;
asettua heidän asemaansa, kunnes näemme heidän silmillään ja
tunnemme heidän sydämillään, kunnes emme tuomitse ketään
ihmistä ja toivomme kaikkein puolesta; tulla oikein arvostelevaksi,
kärsivälliseksi ja helläksi jokaista kohtaan, ketä tapaamme; ei
halveksia ketään, ei joutua epätoivoon kenestäkään, koska Kristus ei
halveksi ketään eikä joudu epätoivoon kenestäkään; katsoa
jokaiseen, kenen tapaamme, rakkaudella, melkein säälillä, koska
ehkä hekin ovat olleet alhaalla kauhujen kuiluissa tai joutuvat sinne
joskus; nähdä omia syntejämme toisten synneissä, tuntea että mekin
olisimme voineet tehdä, mitä he tekevät ja tuntea, niinkuin he
tuntevat, siinä silmänräpäyksessä kuin Jumala hylkäisi meidät; antaa
ja anteeksi antaa, elää ja antaa elää, samoin kuin Kristus antaa ja
anteeksi antaa meille, ja elää meidän edestämme ja antaa meidän
elää kaikista meidän synneistä huolimatta.
 Good News of God.

Iloitkaa että on olemassa Jumalan tuli, sen Isän, jonka nimi on

rakkaus, tuli joka aina palaa eikä koskaan sammu, tuli jonka tulee
hävittää jokaisen ihmisen sydämessä ja kaikkien kansain sydämissä,
sekä aineellisessa että henkisessä maailmassa, kaiken mikä on
pahennukseksi ja tulee valheeksi; ja iloitkaa että tähän tuleen Poika
varmaan tahtoo heittää kaiken petoksen, valheen, teeskentelyn ja
väärän opin. Eikö ole hyvä sanoma, että se tuli ei ole sammuva eikä
sen käärme kuoleva? Se tuli voidaan sytyttää meidän edessämme
— se käärme voipi ahdistaa meidän sydämiämme. Suokoon Jumala
että meillä sinä päivänä olisi rohkeutta antaa tulen ja käärmeen
tehdä työnsä — voidaksemme sanoa Kristukselle: »Myöskin nämät
ovat Sinun lähettämäsi ja Sinun rajattomasta rakkaudestasi ovat ne
tulleet. Sinä halajat totuutta sydämen sisimmässä (Ps. 51:8), ja minä
tahdon kiittää Sinua kaikista keinoista, kuinka katkeria ne
lienevätkään, joita Sinä käytät tehdäksesi minua rehelliseksi. Minä
haluan tulla rehelliseksi ihmiseksi ja vanhurskaaksi ihmiseksi. Ja
mikä ilo! Siksi haluat Sinäkin minun tulevan. Mikä ilo! Vaikka minä
pelkurimaisesti haluan tukahuttaa Sinun tulesi, en minä sitä voi.
Puhdista minua sentähden, oi Herra, vaikkapa sen tekisit tulella.
Polta pois minun turhuuteni, itsepäisyyteni, kiivaitten mielipiteitteni,
pinttyneitten opinkappaleitten! kuonat, — ne kuoret, jotka eivät ole
sielulleni ravinnoksi, joihin minä en voi olla tyytyväinen, joitten
tähden minä joka päivä saan hävetä — ja jos minusta löytyisi
muutamia vehnäjyviä, joku sana tai ajatus tai toimintavoima, joka
voisi tulla hyödyksi kansalleni minun jälkeeni, kokoo ne, oi Herra,
Sinun latoosi.» Amen.

Letters and Memories.

 Jumalan tuli koventaa ja pehmittää ihmistä samalla kertaa. Hän
tulee siitä ulos sen kokemuksen koventamana, jota tarvitaan, niin
kuin kirjotettu on: »Kärsi vaivaa niin kuin luja Jesuksen Kristuksen
sotamies»; ja taaskin: »Minä olen hyvän kilvoituksen kilvoitellut,
juoksun päättänyt, uskon pitänyt.» 2 Tim. 2:3; 4:7. Ja kuitenkin hän
on pehmennyt sen lempeyden kautta, josta on kirjoitettu: »Mutta
olkaat keskenänne ystävälliset ja laupiaat, ja antakaa anteeksi toinen
toisellenne, niinkuin Jumala teillekin on Kristuksen kautta anteeksi
antanut», (Ef. 4:32) ja vielä: »Meillä ei ole se ylimäinen pappi, joka ei
taida meidän heikkouttamme armahtaa, vaan se, joka on kaikissa
kiusattu niinkuin mekin, kuitenkin ilman syntiä.» Hebr. 4:15.

Onnellisia, kolmin kerroin onnellisia ovat ne, jotka siten ovat

vaeltaneet läpi kuolon varjon laakson ja ovat havainneet sen olevan
polkuna, joka johtaa ijankaikkiseen elämään. Onnellisia ovat ne,
jotka jonkun aikaa ovat tuskailleet Jumalan kauheassa tulessa, ja
ovat saaneet itsestään poltetuksi kuoret ja kuonan, ja kaiken mikä on
pahennukseksi ja tekee heidät turhamaisiksi ja kevytmielisiksi,
vaikkakin se tekee heidät tylsiksi ja vetää heitä alaspäin samalla
aikaa; kunnes ainoasti Jumalan vanhurskauden puhdas kulta on
jälellä seitsenkertaisesti koeteltuna tulessa, katoomatonna,
kallisarvoisena Jumalan ja ihmisten silmissä. Semmoiset ihmiset
eivät tarvitse, eivät tahdo valittaa kaikkea, mitä ovat saaneet kokea.
Tuli on tehnyt heidät rohkeiksi, raittiiksi ja kärsivällisiksi. Se on heille
antanut »lujan ymmärryksen, varovaisen tahdon, kestävyyden,
aavistuksen, voiman ja kunnon», ja siis kasvattanut heitä Kristuksen
kaltaisuuteen, joka tuli täydelliseksi kärsimyksissä; ja joka, vaikka
Hän Poika oli, kuitenkin lihansa päivinä uhrasi rukoukset ja nöyrät
anomiset ja huusi itkien Isänsä puoleen ja tuli kuulluksi Jumalan
pelkonsa tähden; ja sentähden vaikka Hän kuoli ristillä ja astui alas
tuonelaan, voitti Hän kuoleman ja helvetin kuolemallaan ja sinne alas
astumisellaan ja voitti ne alistumalla niitten alaiseksi. Hebr. 5: 7,8.

Good News of God — Sermons.

VI

KUOLEMAN SYVYYDESTÄ.

»Minun sydämeni vapisee minussa, ja kuoleman kauhut ovat

langenneet
minun päälleni.» Ps. 55:5.

»Vaikka minun ruumiini ja sieluni vaipuisi, niin Sinä Jumala

kuitenkin
olet aina minun sydämeni uskallus.» Ps. 73:26.

»Vaikka minä vaeltaisin kuoleman varjon laaksossa, en minä

pelkäisi
mitään pahaa; sillä Sinä olet minun kanssani.» Ps. 23:4.

»Sillä Sinä olot minun sieluni pelastanut kuolemasta, minun

silmäni
kyynelistä, minun jalkani kompastuksesta.» Ps. 116:8.

Mitä meistä on tuleva, kun kuolemme? Minkälaiselta tulee

näyttämään tulevassa maailmassa? Minkälaiselta näyttänee
taivaassa? Mahtanenko minä viihtyä siellä? Tulenenko olemaan
ihmisenä siellä taikka ainoasti henkenä, henkenä ilman ruumista?
 Tähän vastaa Paavali, että Kristus, Jumalan Poika, ilmestyttyään
tänne lihassa otettiin ylös ihanuuteen. Hän ei kerro meille,
minkälaiselta taivaassa näyttää, vaikka hän oli otettu hamaan
kolmanteen taivaasen; sillä mitä hän siellä näki, oli sanomatonta.
Eikä hän kerro meille sitäkään, minkälaista tuleva elämä tulee
olemaan; kaikki mitä hän meille sanoo, on että Ihminen Jesus
Kristus, joka vaelsi täällä maan päällä niinkuin muut ihmiset, otettiin
ylös ihanuuteen, eikä Hän jättänyt pois täällä maan päällä
ihmismieltään, ihmissydäntään eikä ihmisruumistaan. Hän vei
mukanaan taivaaseen koko miehuutensa, henkensä, sielunsa ja
ruumiinsa, vieläpä naulan reijät käsissään ja pyhissä jaloissaan sekä
keihään haavan pyhässä kyljessään. Se riittää meille; sentähden
että Ihminen Jesus Kristus on taivaassa, saamme me ihmisinä luvan
mennä ylös taivaaseen. Missä Hän on, siellä saamme mekin olla. Ja
mitä Hän on, saamme mekin olla, siinä määrin kuin Hän on Ihminen.
Ja sen me tiedämme, että me tulemme Hänen kaltaisekseen; sillä
me saamme nähdä Hänet semmoisena kuin Hän on.

National Sermons.

Ihmiset pelkäävät kuolemaa, etupäässä luullakseni siksi, että he

pelkäävät tuntematonta. Eikä siksi että he pelkäävät kuolon tuskia.
Eikä siksi että he pelkäävät helvettiä. Eikä se ole siksikään että he
pelkäävät, etteivät pääse taivaaseen. Mutta kun he ajattelevat
todella pitävänsä kuolla, tuntuu heistä toiseen maailmaan
meneminen kuin heitettäisiin heidät pimeään yöhön, vieraaseen
maailmaan, pois kodista ja kaikkien niitten luota, joita he ovat
tunteneet ja rakastaneet; ja sentähden he kauhistuvat kuolemaa.

All Saints' Day Sermons.

 Kun sinä olet peloissasi, levotonna ja murheissasi, kun olet
kuoleman kovissa kourissa etkä tiedä, mihin sinun tulee kääntyä,
silloin tämä siunattu ajatus: »Kristus on noussut ylös kuolleista», on
oleva sinun kilpenäsi ja voimanasi, jota ei mikään muu ajatus voi
antaa. Herra on noussut ylös — ihminen, Hänen ihmis-ruumiillaan ja
Hänen ihmis-hengellään, Hänen inhimillisellä rakkaudellaan ja
lempeydellään; Hän on ottanut kaiken tämän mukaansa taivaaseen.
Hän on vieläkin ihminen, vaikka Hän on totinen Jumala totisesta
Jumalasta, Hän nousi ylös kuolleista kuin ihminen, ja sentähden
voipi Hän ymmärtää ja tuntea minun edestäni vieläkin — juuri nyt —
täällä Englannissa yhdeksännentoista vuosisadalla aivan yhtä paljon
kuin Hän voi vaeltaessaan täällä maan päällä vanhassa Judeassa.

Kun tämä maailma häviää meidän silmistämme, ja me menemme,

tietämättä minne, ja jätämme jalolle kaikki tuttavamme ja
ystävämme, joita olemme ymmärtäneet; silloin on ennen kaikkea
tämä ajatus: »Kristus on ylösnoussut kuolleista», ainoa joka voipi
pelastaa meidät surullisista, synkistä ajatuksista, pelosta ja
epäilyksestä tai tyhmästä kevytmielisyydestä ja mykän eläimen
kuolemasta, johon liika monet ihmiset kuolevat. »Kristus on
ylösnoussut ja minä olen ylösnouseva. Kristus on voittanut kuoleman
omasta puolestaan ja Hän on sen voittava minunkin puolestani.
Kristus otti ihmis-ruumiinsa ja sielunsa mukaansa haudasta Jumalan
oikealle kädelle ja Hän on herättävä minun ruumiini ja sieluni
viimeisenä päivänä, jotta minä saisin olla Hänen kanssaan aina ja
nähdä Hänet, semmoisena kuin Hän on.» Tämä on ainoa, mikä
elämässä ja kuolemassa on pelastava meidät synnistä sekä haudan
takaisen elämän kauhusta ja pelosta.

National Sermons.
 Miksi kuoli Hän? kysymme me. Jokaisen ihmisenkin kuolemalla
pitänee olla erityinen syy, tarkoitus, muutenhan se olisi kauhea
tapaus — outo asia ilman ajatusta — luuranko ilman sielua. Miksi
kuoli Hän? »Minä vaikenen enkä avaa suutani; kyllä Sinä sen teet.»
Ps. 39:10. Näin sanoo hautauspsalmi. Sanokaamme me sitä samaa.
»Minä vaikenen»: en raivosta enkä epätoivosta, mutta siksi että Sinä
puhut, ja silloin on se hyvin tehty. Se ei ollut mikään satunnainen tai
välttämätön teko. Sillä se oli Isän työ, eikä ilman Häntä yksikään
varpunen putoa maahan; Pojan työ oli se myös, joka kuoli ristillä,
siksi että Hän viimeiseen asti halusi pelastaa ihmiskunnan; se oli
Pyhän Hengen työ, joka on kaiken luodun Herra ja Elonantaja. Se oli
Hänen työnsä, jolla on halu elämään eikä kuolemaan, iloon eikä
suruun, valkeuteen eikä pimeyteen, järjestykseen eikä
epäjärjestykseen, hyvään eikä pahaan. Sillä oli määrätty syy, ajatus,
tarkotus; ja se tarkotus on hyvin hyvä. Mikä se on, emme tiedä;
emmekä tarvitse sitä tietää. Arvailla sitä olisi todellakin sekautumista
asioihin, jotka ovat meille liika korkeita. Sentähden olkaamme ääneti.
Elkäämme olko ääneti epäilyksestä, vaan uskosta; ei ääneti niinkuin
heittiö, joka on väsynyt apua huutamasta, mitä hän ei saa, vaan
ääneti kuin lapsi, joka istuu äitinsä helmoissa ja katsoo ylös hänen
kasvoihinsa ja tarkastaa hänen liikkeitään, joka ei ymmärrä vielä
mitään niistä, vaan on varma siitä että kaikki on tehty rakkaudessa.

Westminster Sermons.

Kristus on ylösnoussut! Mikä ajatus noille siunatuille marttyyreille,

ihmis-raukoille, jotka olivat kuoleman tuskissa pelosta ja häpeästä, ja
jotka odottivat että heidät pian revittäisiin kappaleiksi tai poltettaisiin
elävältä. »Kuolema, tuo kauhea kuolema ei voi voittaa minua,
vaikkakin minä olen heikko ja pelokas, sillä minun Herrani ja
Mestarini, jonka tähden minun nyt on kärsittävä, on voittanut
kuoleman eikä Hän tahdo sallia sen voittaa minua. Hän on
voimallisempi kuin helvetti ja kuolema, eikä Hän hylkää minua
viimeisellä hetkelläni eikä salli kuolon tuskain tähdenkään minun
luopua Hänestä. Hän on taivaan ja maan Kuningas, ja Hän tahtoo
hoitaa omansa.» — Kuinka suuri lohdutus onkaan voida sanoa:
»Niin, minut erotetaan pois vaimosta ja lapsista ja kaikesta, mitä
minä rakastan maan päällä, vaan ei ijäksi, ei toki ijäksi; sillä Kristus
nousi ylös kuolleista ja minä, joka olen Kristuksen oma, olen
nouseva niin kuin Hän. Tämä minun ruumisraukkani voipi joutua
tulen ruuaksi, ahneitten villipetojen syötäväksi. Mitä se haittaa?
Kristus, kaikkien ihmisten Kuningas on ylösnoussut kuolleista ja on
tullut esikoiseksi kaikista nukkuneista. Se sama Henki, joka saattoi
Hänen ruumiinsa takasin haudasta ja tuonelasta, on minunkin
ruumiini tuova takasin haudasta ja tuonelasta jalompaan,
onnellisempaan elämään Hänen kanssaan sanomattomassa ilossa,
missä Kristus nyt istuu Jumalan oikealla kädellä ja puolustaa minua,
armahtaa ja siimaa minua, pitäessään minunkin varallani ihanuuden
kruunua, jota ei koskaan oteta pois.»

National Sermons.

Nämä seikat ovat hyvin katkerat [tarkoittaa erästä kuoleman

tapausta sodassa], enkä minä voi nähdä niissä muuta lohdutusta
kuin sen ainoan, että ne kaikki johtavat meitä kasvoista kasvoihin
ihmiselämän todellisuuden kanssa, semmoisena kuin se on ollut
kaikkina aikakausina, ja antaa meille vakavampia ja kuitenkin
enempi rakkautta uhkuvia, enempi inhimillisiä ja enempi jumalallisia
ajatuksia itsestämme ja töistämme täällä alhaalla sekä niitten
kohtalosta, jotka ovat pois menneet, ja herättää meidät noista
tarpeettomista, kevytmielisistä haavekuvista (jotka kuitenkin ovat
täynnä kovia tuomioita), joissa me olemme eläneet niin kauvan,
luottamaan elävään Isään, joka todellisesti ja käytännöllisesti
hallitsee tätä maailmaa ja kaikkia maailmoita, ja joka ei tahdo ketään
kadotettavaksi, ja sentähden ei ole unohtanut eli yhtäkkiä ruvennut
vihaamaan eli kiusaamaan yhtä ainoata sielua, joka on lähtenyt tästä
elämästä toiseen. Kaikki ovat meidän Isämme kädessä; ja, oi
siunattu ajatus, vaikkakin he menisivät alas tuonelaan, niin Sinä
sielläkin olet». Ps. 139:8.

Letters and Memories.

Jesus on Vapahtaja, Pelastaja, tuo suuri Parantaja, joka parantaa

sekä sielun että ruumiin. Ei mitään tuskaa tunneta eikä kyyneliä
vuodateta maan päällä, joista Hän ei huolehtisi. Ei ketään ihmistä
maan päällä kuole nuorena, jota Hän minun luullakseni ei murehtisi.
Sitä emme voi sanoa, mikä Häntä nyt estää parantamasta jokaista
tautia, huojentamasta jokaista murhetta, kuivaamasta jokaista
kyyneltä. Mutta sen voimme sanoa olevan Hänen tahtonsa, ett'ei
kukaan hukkuisi. Sen voimme sanoa että Hän on yhtä halukas kuin
koskaan parantamaan sairaita, puhdistamaan spitalisia, ajamaan
ulos perkeleitä, opettamaan tietämättömiä, sitomaan särjetyitä
sydämiä. Sen voimme sanoa, että Hän tahtoo edelleen tehdä tätä
yhä enempi ja enempi, vuosi vuodelta, polvi polvelta. Sen voimme
sanoa, Raamatun mukaan, että Kristus on voimallisempi kuin
perkele. Sen voimme sanoa että Kristus ja kaikki hyvät ihmiset,
hurskasten ihmisten henget, jotka tehdään täydellisiksi, viisaat ja
suuret Jumalan silmissä, jotka ovat hyljänneet kirjansa, puheensa,
kirjotuksensa samoinkuin kalliit perintönsä, ja ovat taistelleet,
taistelevat ja tahtovat taistella loppuun asti vihollista vastaan, ja
syntiä, sortoa, kurjuutta, sairautta ja kaikkea vastaan, mikä turmelee
ja pimentää Jumalan hyvän maanpiirin — sen voimme sanoa että he
voittavat lopuksi; sillä Kristus on voimallisempi kuin perkele; hyvä on
voimallisempi kuin paha, valo on voimallisempi kuin pimeys;
Jumalan Henki, joka antaa elämää, terveyttä ja järjestystä, on
voimallisempi kuin kaikki pahat tavat ja epäjärjestys ja julmuus ja
taikausko, jotka tekevät monen elämän onnettomaksi ja mikäli me
voimme nähdä, hävittävät tuhansien sielut. Niin, minä sanon, että
Kristuksen valtakunta on semmoinen valtakunta, jossa ruumis ja
sielu tulee terveeksi ja vapautuu, ja se on voittava, se on leviävä ja
se on kasvava, kunnes tämän maailman kansat ovat tulleet Jumalan
ja Hänen Kristuksensa kuningaskunniksi. Kristus hallitsee ja tahtoo
hallita, kunnes Hän on saanut kaikki vihollisensa jalkainsa
astinlaudaksi, ja viimeinen Hänen vihollisistaan, joka on hävitettävä,
on kuolema. Kuolema on Hänen vihollisensa, jonka Hän on voittanut
nousemalla ylös kuolleista; ja se päivä on tuleva, jolloin ei mitään
kuolemaa enää ole — jolloin sairaus ja suru ovat tuntemattomat, ja
Jumala on kuivaava kyyneleet kaikkien silmistä. Minä sanon sen
uudelleen — elä koskaan sitä unhota — Kristus on Kuningas, ja
Hänen kuningaskunnassaan vallitsee terveys, elämä ja vapahdus
kaikesta pahasta. Niin on aina ollut ensimäisestä kerrasta, jolloin
meidän Herramme paransi spitalisen Galileassa, ja niin on aina
oleva maailman loppuun asti.

National Sermons

Kristuksen kasvojen hengellinen ihanuus Kirkastusvuorella osoitti

Hänen oppilailleen, että Hän oli hengellinen Kuningas, jonka suuruus
on voiman, viisauden, kauneuden ja rakkauden Hengessä, jonka
Jumala oli Hänelle antanut rajattomasti; se osoitti myös että oli jotain
semmoista kuin hengellinen ruumis — jommoisen me kaikki kerran
saamme, jos meidät löydetään Kristuksessa, silloin kun
vanhurskasten ylösnousemus tapahtuu — semmoinen ruumis, joka
ei salaa ihmisen henkeä, niin kuin täällä tapahtuu, kun ruumis on
elämän vaivojen ja sairauden ja turmeluksen alaisena; mutta on
olemassa hengellinen ruumis — ruumis, joka on täyttyvä meidän
hengellämme, joka on tuleva meidän hengellemme täysin
kuuliaiseksi — ruumis, jonka läpi meidän henkemme ihanuus on
loistava, samoin kuin Kristuksen Hengen ihanuus loisti Hänen
ruumiinsa läpi kirkastuksessa. »Veljet, me emme tiedä, miksi me
tulemme; mutta me tiedämme, että koska Hän ilmestyy, tulemme me
Hänen kaltaisikseen; sillä me saamme nähdä Hänen semmoisena
kuin Hän on.» 1 Joh. 3:2.

Village Sermons.

Minä uskon, sanoo uskontunnustus, ruumiin ylösnousemisen.

Raamattu opettaa meitä uskomaan, että jokainen meistä,
ihmisolentoina, miehinä ja naisina, pääsemme mukaan tuona
ihanana päivänä; ei ainoasti henkinä, jotka ovat tulleet erilleen
ruumiista (semmoisista puhuu Raamattu, Jumalan kiitos, vähän eli ei
ollenkaan), vaan todellisina elävinä ihmisolentoina, omine uusine
ruumiineen, uuden maan päällä ja uuden taivaan alla. Sentähden,
sanoo David, on minun lihanikin asuva turvassa (Ps. 16:9) eikä
ainoasti minun henkeni ja sieluni, vaan minun ruumiinikin. Sillä
Herra, joka ei ainoasti kuollut, vaan nousi jälleen ylös ruumiillaan,
Hän on herättävä meidänkin ruumiimme, sopusoinnussa sen
mahtavan työn kanssa, jonka kautta Hän tekee itselleen alamaiseksi
kaikki; ja silloin on jokaisen olento, ruumis, sielu ja henki, saapa
täyden kehityksensä ja loistava Hänen ijankaikkisessa,
loppumattomassa ihanuudessaan. Tätä me toivomme.

National Sermons.

Ne jotka kuolevat Jumalan pelossa ja Kristuksen uskossa, eivät

todella maista kuolemaa; heillä ei ole mitään kuolemaa, vaan he