for you, I never thought to look inwards to see what it was.

Things would always be as you said they were, and we were your
students, to-be-warriors who would resolve a feud you grew too old
to end. We were soldiers, heroes, and your apprentices.

But that only concerned our training, the lessons you taught us, the
sparring, the missions, the battles.

But in your absence I can hardly remember those moments, what

does come to mind are the days I’d bring new music I found, and
we’d listen to them together, I remember Raph and I bringing turkey
together, and your smile when you saw it in our hands. I remember
you sending us on stupid errands, masking them as missions for our
ninja training. I remember your jokes that never made sense to any
of us, the stories you told us before we would go to sleep, and I
remember how you would nod your head whenever Donnie would tell
you about his comic books, even when he went on for hours.

And that word in my throat, it’s only as I was missing you that I
was finally able to cough it up.
Father.

Never did we call you like such, Master, but if we four are brothers,
then you were our father, and it hurts me to think that I never had
the chance to call you such.

I am now grieving a second time. I have lost my Master, and now I

have lost a Father. How could I be so blind, so stupid? How could I
have missed something so obvious?

But see, I have come to peace with that thought, because I was not
blind enough to miss that glint in your eyes that appeared whenever
you looked at us, and I was not too stupid to understand that this
glint was the pride you had for your sons.

Father, we miss you, and I hope that you can keep looking at us with
that same pride in your eyes. From this point forward, I will work
my hardest to make sure that you do.

Merry Christmas.
eL o