Professional Documents
Culture Documents
, (25):393-411
This paper aims to highlight and outline some of the fundamental clinical
implications raised by conceptual formulations on borderline children, while
offering alternative views which appear in tune with their developmental
realities and clinical presentations.
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393
(Chethik & Fast, 1970). Fluidity and instability of the ego and poorly articulated
ego functions seem to predominate (Weil, 1953) ; (P. Kernberg, 1983).
Yet, we must communicate with others and order our observations. And we
may have to make do with the compromises that we have available at present.
However, this bears further consideration.
While continued attention to the borderline concept has clarified many areas
regarding the borderline adult, similar attention is needed regarding children
(Shapiro, 1983) ; (Vela, et al, 1983). The choice of the lens with which we focus
our attention is consequential. If we consider the experience and
communication of affect, so central to any consideration of such children, we
have some choices. Affective life may be considered as an intrapsychic
experience which the person regulates and has some relation to, i.e. it is a
function of the ego. Affective life may also be viewed with an interpersonal lens,
i.e. as Modell (1984) puts it, affects are always "object-seeking". These divergent
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views on intrapsychic life vs. interpersonal life, one-person and two-person
models, may consider
394
the same clinical reality while filtering and delimiting our perceptions and
formulations.
To return to the consideration of affect, if one posits that affects are object-
seeking, as does Modell, then the communication from the child, via affective
interchange, is real communication to us: about themselves, us and the
situation. Thus, when a child expresses anger at me for not understanding, the
anger is a real statement about his relationship with me: it is perhaps distorted
and overdetermined, yes, but is it is also an attempt to make me real, to have
me understand him. Just as the little boy in a popular children's story makes the
velveteen rabbit real, in communicating his anger the child is trying to make me
real, as his need to be understood becomes real to him. He is not just suffering
from a broken ego function.
In another view, there is no ego without the other. The ego of the borderline
child needs another ego in order to change. This is an affective tie, and it is this
affective tie to us which allows the child to step into the unknown and risk
finding something new—a scary prospect. There may be another way, then, to
think about these children—as children whose affective life is confused, murky
and terrifying to them. The other, the therapist, throws the child a life-line to the
real world—the world the child has escaped. If we place the understanding of
the child's experience of and communication of affect central to our
consideration of these children, we may feel more for them and, consequently,
understand more about what we can provide in treatment.
Choice of Model
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person and two-person psychologies, is a clash of sensibilities, leading
nowhere,
395
And, this may be where Modell's thoughts may be of assistance; the drive/
structure view appears useful when we consider the person after
internalization has occurred; the model may more aptly apply to more
"structured" individuals. Partial or incomplete internalization more closely
describes the state of affairs of borderline children: internalization as a
developmental process has been interferred with. And the process has been
tampered with by others—the important objects in the child's life. Here, we are
drawn into the interpersonal sphere.
Already, however, the therapist has shifted from a focus on the debilitating
intrasystemic ego deficiencies of the one-person model to what the therapeutic
situation is, two people attempting to understand the confusion and pain of the
child. This shift derives from the therapist's belief that he can provide what is
needed to correct the developmental deficiency, even when this belief is
unarticulated by the therapist. The therapist focuses on understanding the
nuances of the interaction with the patient. Even when relying on drive/
structure formulations, there tends to be this move on the therapist's part
toward understanding the nature of the interaction with the patient, with less
emphasis on the structural
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396
The therapist wonders about the nature of the affective ties between himself
and the young patient, again representing a shift in the mode of internal
discourse on the part of the therapist. Guided by the shifting of the child's
affect and the structural and symbolic transitions of the play, the therapist
infers something about the child's experience with him in the consulting room.
Let me turn to the nature of the tie which grows between patient and therapist.
More than anything, these children demand from their therapists. In one way
or another, they seek answers about why the object world is the way it is and
why they are the way they are. The formidable denial of these children, in its
varied guises, assaults our sensibilities about who we are, how we construct the
world the way we do, and what we believe to be true about object relatedness.
The assaults may be direct and palpable, or only inferred from the child's
distancing from objects, withdrawal or more regressive behavior.
It may be that the therapist's toleration for and understanding of these assaults
reflects the depth and pervasiveness of the child's confused denial of reality. By
playing dead or hiding in a cocoon, the child reveals that he is not really dead,
but hiding.1 The child living in the cocoon has the opportunity to emerge into
the safe atmosphere of the consulting room. It is the therapist who
communicates
1Certainly, this contrasts with the psychotically depressed child who feels dead at
heart, whose self may, in fact be dying, suffering the torture of living in a world
he feels so apart from, which he feels cannot understand him.
397
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through the membraneous wall; who interprets the world to the child,
describing what it is like in the sun, what if feels like to be separate and what is
possible when one emerges from the cocoon (Donnellan, 1989).
The child's life in the cocoon, in the presence of the interested, patient
therapist, is not too bad. It is comfortable and safe, although the child feels
cramped after a while; he is self-sufficient, or at least appears so. The therapist
waits and reveals his presence to the child, without demanding. The demands
or wishes of the child, in this way, are enacted in the transference: the child
wishes the therapist to be there without doing anything the child does not
want, nor making demands on the child. The patients discussed by Chused
(1982) highlight the transference re-enactment clearly: these children feared
the overwhelming intrusion of the other person, and when in the analytic
situation, attempted to control the analyst.
The yearning for that early closeness and the fear of engulfment has paralyzed
the child in the past. This terrifying ambivalence leaves the child being torn
between the disparate internal representational constellations around the
yearning and the fear. The cocoon allows the child to experience, slowly and
deliberately, the curious, inevitable pull toward the object and the fear of his
being overtaken. What allows the child to tolerate this heartfelt struggle is the
perception of the therapist as dependable, interested and, most importantly,
not seeking self-gratification through the child. If the child perceives the
therapist as seeking self-gratification, e.g. by controlling the child in some way
(other than for safety reasons), making the child behave as a "good boy", the
yearning and fear will never emerge fully nor be experienced by the child in any
way other than as confusion and destructive rage.
398
The therapist, if he seeks self-gratification through the child, colludes with the
child in denying reality, does not truly permit the child to begin to separate, and
ultimately, while attempting to be a newly-experienced object to the child, is, in
actuality, an old object in newer clothes. Still recognizable to the child as an old
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object, and not really new, the child remains unconnected to the newer aspects
of the therapist. He feels unsafe, remains defensive and denies reality; he
changes little, essentially. His stance, undoubtedly frustrating to the well-
meaning therapist, is, however, in keeping with the demands of the situation:
he is responding as he has learned to respond, for the primary pathologic
situation has been re-created, is real and the child must now protect himself
from danger.
In every sense, this is the real situation of the treatment as I have described it
and it is hopelessly deadlocked unless the therapist can allow the child to use
him as a representational figure in his inner world in a safe way (Sandler &
Rosenblatt, 1962). "Safety", in this sense, means at least not creating a collusive
environment which denies reality, i.e. that the therapist is driven to collude by
his own self-interest, although this is denied to the child and, perhaps, to the
therapist himself, but creating an atmosphere in which the therapist truly wants
nothing from the child, allowing the child to use him to turn to while both
wander through the encrusted, archaic civilization of the primary pathologic
situation (Sandler, 1960) ; (Winnicott, 1965).
The recreation of that lost civilization reflects the child's wish to change the
past, change himself and become a separate, individuated person. The affective
tie to the therapist becomes stronger and clearer as the child experiments with
the new feelings of being separate. The cocoon becomes the experimental
chamber within the analytic laboratory. The senior scientist allows the junior to
learn from the explosions and tests. The child learns that he does not have to
take care of the therapist—for the therapist does not need him for that; he
does not have to protect the therapist, for the therapist can do that for himself.
And, for the longest time, the therapist will be the willing dupe, the object of
the hatred, anger, desire and yearning. He will act in the child's play and not
change the lines, nor attempt to re-write the play, unless perhaps he is invited
to do so; he knows it is the
399
child's play and that he is only a visiting bard, permitted in the theater and on
the stage at the child's discretion (and sometimes whim).
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transference, while the therapist uses interpretation to structure the affective
experience of the child. During this phase the therapist listens, observes and
interacts in a manner which is consistent with the associations embedded
within the play of the child. This does not mean that the therapist is mute and
uninvolved; rather, he acts consistently in a manner to establish himself as a
new object within the child's representational world, while allowing the child to
transferentially re-invent the primary pathologic situation with the therapist as
"something like" the old object, and "something like" the longed-for new object
(Greenberg, 1986b).
The ambiguity and complexity of the therapeutic situation affords the child the
opportunity to experience the therapist as the hated, devouring or suffocating
partner of that primary pathologic situation, while sumultaneously beginning
to experience the therapist as a benign, caring, interested person who attempts
to give meaning to the child's affective experience within this newly created
situation.
What Racker (1968) calls the "myth of the analytic situation" is that analysis
consists of the interaction of a healthy person with a sick one. In my view of this
phase of the treatment with these children, in order for the child to trust and
reveal his perceptions of the therapist, the internal world of the child must be
made real in the consulting room with the therapist, such that the child
experiences the therapist as somehow sick, or depriving or disgusting, or
whatever, and himself as the actor who perceives that in therapist (Searles,
1975).
As Benedek (1953) observes of the patient who "bores his way into the
preconscious mind of the therapist" (p. 203), so too, the child "bores" his way
into the internal world of the therapist, disturbing things a bit. This internal
disturbance unsettles the therapist who may be well-defended in other aspects
of his life, for the child, somehow, has managed to get inside and confront
some of
400
This intrusion by the child into the therapist's inner world accomplishes several
things for both child and therapist.
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First, it allows the therapist, as I've said, to understand the child, i.e., to
empathize with the child's experience of the world, of what he has experienced
passively.
Third, the therapist, aware of what the child effects in him and aware that his
thoughtful understanding of his personal reactions to the child can be useful to
his work with the child, finds interpretations of the transference to be a more
natural part of their relationship, for it forges a meaning in the child's
experience, while avoiding objectification of the child's intrapsychic state.
401
tuning into the idiosyncratic vulnerabilities of the therapist. For example, the
tidiness of the therapist's office may be the cue to the child to "mess up" and
"gross out" the therapist with anal talk and references. In such instances it may
not be the astuteness of the therapist's observations or the incisiveness of his
comments which strike a responsive chord in the child, as much as the fact that
the child effects a reaction in the therapist. A sense of efficacy and personal
influence on another fosters within the child a more active, separate self.
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Just commenting, "You seem to want to make a mess today", first of all
communicates to the child that the therapist is observant and attentive to the
child. Secondly, the child, over time, responds to the non-judgmental attitude of
the therapist reflected in such a comment. The mere statement of the
observation tells the child that the therapist willingly sits with him without
judging. And, thirdly, the neutrality of the statement leaves the door open for
both child and therapist to wonder about the messiness, without accusation or
alarm. As Chused (1982) notes in the discussion of her cases, "But it was the
experience with the neutral analyst that permitted the child to reclaim, as it
were, his own drive to mastery." (p. 25).
Clearly, the response, "You seem to want to make a mess today, " may not
suffice for the child who seeks to re-create a demeaning, humiliating or hostile
atmosphere. And so, he ups the ante to create the personally-specific
transferential scene. The transition after the therapist's comment will tell the
tale of what the child attempts to re-enact.
The continual replay of the eliciting behavior on the child's part (breaking the
therapist's favorite toy, for example), the therapist's responsive commentary,
and the transitional developments that ensue, reveal the associative links of the
child's internal dialogue. Thus, the therapist's response, in whatever form,
including silence, is crucial to the unfolding of the child's associations. And
central to that response of the therapist is the therapist's affective experience
(Greenberg, 1986c).
Something is "in the air", as Hoffman (1983) refers to it, between patient and
therapist. It is the growing connection between patient and therapist which
emerges from the experience of their separateness—each of the other. The
child, many times in pain and confusion, gradually experiences his
separateness from the
402
Each brings something to the interaction which is unique and flawlessly clear: a
willingness to experience in the presence of the other. The therapist attempts to
foster an "atmosphere of safety" (Sandler, 1960) ; (Schafer, 1983), allowing the
child to recreate elements of the primary pathologic situation with someone
who permits the child to reveal his internal story.
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The initial phases of treatment, perhaps of several years duration, require
continued patience, self-monitoring and understanding on the therapist's part
that the correctness of one's interpretation alone is not therapeutically
efficacious. The interpretation must be coupled, I believe, with the child's
perception that he has effected something in the therapist, that the therapist
has felt. I believe it is the strength of the affective tie, particularly with children
who are damaged early in their lives, that allows the child to test himself
against the therapist, to find out who he is in relationship to the therapist, and,
ultimately, to listen to what the therapist has to say—how the therapist makes
sense of the child's internal world.
The point of view taken here is consistent with Hoffman's (1983) discussion of
the "patient as interpreter of the analyst's experience". His fascinating and rich
paper suggests, among other things, that the consulting room is not a sterile
surgical field, nor is the analyst the blank screen or container for the patient's
split-off part-objects. Rather, within the social paradigm which Hoffman
elaborates, the experience of patient and therapist in the consulting room, or
playroom in our case, is layered by "reciprocal conscious, preconscious and
unconscious responses in each of the participants." (p. 412–413).
403
the thread linking commentators on this subject is the relative emphasis placed
on the analyst's experience of and reflections on his experience with the patient
as valuable and necessary tools if the patient is to feel understood by the
analyst, and, thereby, be willing to consider the interpretative comments made
by the analyst.
In line with this thinking, these children, so given to denial and regression, do
make observations of the therapist and do have impressions of the therapist. If
the correctness of the child's observations of us is never addressed, the child is
left confused and unable to separate out his observations from the distorted
impressions of those observations. The sorting out of the observations from
the transference distortions is central for a child whose perceptions are so
heavily blurred by intrapsychic factors. The social paradigm suggests that
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transference is rooted in the observations by the child of something which is
real and that realness is embodied in the transference (Greenberg, 1986, c).
Thus, these children wish to make us real as they wish to make themselves real.
Being real, on the therapist's side, does not mean being "nice", not confronting
the child with his distortions, or behavior, nor relying on the therapist's self-
revelation to have the child comprehend what is real and what is not. It means,
rather, believing that the therapy with the child is a shared enterprise in which
the transference is part of the relationship between the two, while the child is
permitted to explore, along with the therapist, the meaning of the relationship
in the present and the roots of the relationship in the past. The attitude of the
therapist allows the child to "muck around" with what was unsafe in the past:
his own impulses, his desire for or rage at the object, his fears and his yearning.
What Sandler (1976) refers to as the "intrapsychic role relationship which each
party tries to impose on the other", is revealed in the preconscious responses
of the therapist to the child. When we
404
notice these responses they are usually bits of our behavior which strike us as
different from what we ordinarily might do. A clinical vignette illustrates this
point.
In the course of treatment with a latency-age boy much of the fantasy play
centered on the child inhabiting a cave. The cave consisted of two tub chairs
overturned to form an enclosure. At various times he would be a baby bear, a
boy or some dangerous animal. I was to sit outside the cave and try to
communicate with him, inside the cave. It struck me several times over the
years that this fantasy had to be enacted according to the child's directions, and
that I wasn't allowed to change the play or decide to be another character.
Indeed, I was cast in a role. After some time I could wonder with the child why I
was cast in this role, what meaning it carried for him, etc.
The fact that I remained in my assigned role allowed me to wonder and analyze
its meaning. Initially, I had little clue as to the personal meaning this enactment
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had to the boy; with time, the meaning emerged: I was to be the interested,
concerned, non-intrusive mother who hoped that the child was OK inside the
cave, but who would rather see the child outside, when he was ready. My
boredom, frustration and fascination with these enactments suggested
something to me about the child's experience of being the pawn of others,
having no say about his role, how he felt excluded from real contact with people
and how he felt alone with chaotic, intense feelings. (Myerson, 1981a), (1981b).
Thus, my reflections on the context of the play, my own affective responses and
my hunches about the nature of the boy's internal drama led me to conclude
that I was participating in the reenactment of an interaction. If my interpretive
comments had focused on the projective elements of what the boy enacted, I
suspect he would have felt misunderstood, put down, angry, confused and
alone. My more usual approach to interpretations with neurotic adults and
more developmentally advanced children might well have focused on the
projective elements of the interaction—an interpretation more utilizable to the
person who has achieved some degree of ego-autonomy and toleration for
separateness.
But my comments stayed within the metaphor of the play: "I wonder if the baby
bear is OK in there? It's kind of dark and I hear him moving around. Hey, he
stuck his paw out! Maybe he's
405
saying hello to me." Comments along these lines would elicit further
elaboration of the baby bear's needs, wants and fears. The child's further
elaboration suggested to me that I was getting to understand my role and how
he wanted me to be. Over time, the baby bear told more about himself,
allowing me, eventually, to interpret particular transferential elements as they
appeared in the play.
This situation, that the analyst's felt experience finds its way into interactions
and interpretations is expectable and unavoidable. It may be regarded as the
compromise between the demands of the child to reenact earlier interactions,
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the affective response of the therapist to the child, and the thoughtful,
considered analytic stance with the child.
Child As Agent
The interaction which the child imposes on the therapist has its developmental
beginnings in experiences of having been left alone with confusing, chaotic or
overwhelming affect. Passively experienced, unarticulated situations of
abandonment, rejection, violence and powerlessness have a certain
developmental outcome: the child cannot separate his own from another's
responsibility for situations; he has little sense of himself as agent acting on his
own behalf.
Myerson (1981, a), (1981b) suggests that feelings of desire and anger,
particularly, are unarticulated, and, thus, remain hazy, diffuse and unsafe.
These unarticulated affective experiences remain unintegrated into any
coherent sense of self, fostering a sense of powerlessness, ineffectiveness and
confusion regarding the emotional intricacies of human relatedness.
Central to this confusion is the child's experience of having been left alone with
distressing, chaotic affective situations. The situation was not made
comprehensible by the parents, such that the child could not hook his affective
experience onto any articulated meaning. Thus, events were not causally linked,
but began to appear
406
as discrete, floating happenings, related neither to each other nor to any other
continuous internal or external process.
By and large they have not been helped to accept responsibility for
their desire and their anger. They have not been helped to mitigate the
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kind of magical thinking where they feel they have caused harm to
befall themselves or others. In fact, their notions of the causal
relationship between events is quite confused, blurred and magical.
They have limited potential for making realistic discriminations
between alternative causes of or alternative results from the events of
desire or anger. Their difficulty in accepting responsibility for their own
desires and anger goes along with a strong tendency to account for
these events as caused by someone or something external to
themselves (p. 177).
407
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therapeutic change. The child must experience with the therapist that whatever
happens, he, the child, is not the sole mover of the world, i.e. that events occur
in relation to other events, as one's affective experience occurs in relation to
other people. For example, if the therapist is notably distressed in an hour,
denial of the upset, or asking for the child's thoughts about the therapist's
upset will only further confuse and disturb the child. A simple
acknowledgement of the correctness of the child's perception, without undue
self-revelation, will allow the child to explore his own upset, what it is like for
him, what it means to be upset, the different kinds of upset, etc. The
withdrawal, anger, denial and externalization we sometimes see in response to
our interventions, in this context, is appropriate and indicative of the child's
inability to discriminate affects and really understand what we say. They must
feel listened to, yes, but more importantly, they must feel that we will help them
make sense of the distressing affect.
The apparent dissonance between being an active agent for the child and
remaining neutral is disspelled if one maintains, as Chused (1982) calls it, "A
non-judgmental willingness to listen and
408
learn." And, as Myerson (1981) says, "The analyst will have offered him the kind
of help he [the child] originally needed from his parents to become a more
active agent." (p. 179).
Strivings for mastery, competence and agency unfold within a child in the
context of a relationship with another person who allows the child to
experience desire or anger, without intruding, coopting the child's experience
or denying the reality of the child's experience.
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understanding of them and integration of them by the child will stand as
testimony to our collaborative efforts.
Conclusion
REFERENCES
409
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new object J. Am. Psychoanal. Assoc. 30:3-28
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Toward Understanding Personality Development Volume 2205-227
Washington, D.C.: NIMH.
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Myerson, P. 1981a The nature of the transferences that enhance the
progressive phases of psychoanalysis Int. J. Psychoanal.62:91-103
Myerson, P. 1981b The nature of the transferences that occur in other than
classical analysis Int. Rev. Psychoanal.8:173-189
Pine, F. 1985Developmental Theory and the Clinical Process New Haven: Yale
University Press.
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Searles, H. F. 1975 The patient as therapist to his analyst In: P. Giovacchini (ed.),
Tactics and Techniques in Psychoanalytic Theory New York: Jason Aronson,
Inc.
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Weil, A. M. 1953 Certain Severe disturbances of ego development in
childhood Psychoanal. Study Child8:271-287
Winnicott, D. W. 1960 Ego distortion in terms of true and false self In:
Maturational Processes ane the Facilitating Environment pp. 140-152 New
York: International Universities Press, 1965
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