OFFLINE WORKSHEET– FOR WORKING THROUGH THE LESSON ONLY.

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Use this worksheet to work on the assignment at your own pace.

Once finished, fill out the online form with your answers and submit.
All assignments must be submitted online.
DO NOT submit the working form.
Thank you!

THE RITE OF MARRIAGE

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Practical Tips

Because we analyze each sentence of the Rite of Marriage, this is our

longest assignment...
We ask that you allow yourselves ample time to work through it and spend time on
discussing the teachings.

This may take a few days for adequate coverage of the material.

We encourage you not to rush, as this assignment is the core of your wedding
ceremony and includes your consent.

Feel free to use the offline worksheets to allow for more profound discussions
without losing your work.

Online, your work will be saved when you click "Next" or "previous" after
completing a full page.
Also set aside time to review the Answer Key for this session. It will contain your
instructors' personal feedback and the core of the assignment.

1) Pray aloud together at the beginning of each session. You may say the prayer
we give you or use any other prayer you'd like. Light a candle to symbolize the
presence of the Lord with you.

"When two or three are gathered in My Name, I am in their midst." Matthew 18:20

Lord, we believe you are here present as we gather in Your Name

to prepare for our wedding.
We ask you to lead this class and visit our hearts.
You are the source of all Love; we ask you to deepen our love for each other
and our love for you through these classes.
Send us your Holy Spirit to help us understand the beauty
and the richness of this Sacrament of your Church.
Amen

2) Print the set of questions from the offline worksheet, or save it on your
computer, to be able to work at your own pace without being rushed or timed-out.

3) Read aloud any passages of text included with this assignment.

4) Answer the questions together, as thoroughly as possible, on paper. It should

trigger many discussions between you!
Then one of you will type your common work in the online form to submit it to your
instructors.

5) Instead of the love letters, this time you have a set of fun quizzes. Please go
through each quiz individually, then share with each other.

6) End the session by praying the Our Father together.

___________________________________________________________________

Please write here your comments, insights, or questions, regarding your

previous answer key (this allows for a better personal connection with your
instructors.)

THE RITE OF MARRIAGE

LIFE SKILLS IN THIS ASSIGNMENT:

You will dig into the concepts of true freedom and true love.
You will gain new insights on holy sexuality and the sanctity of life.
You will discuss parenting, your past, and your families of origin.

Please do not use a dash at the start of any of your answers.

Read the text of the RITE by clicking HERE (document may take a little while to load)

FREELY
The rite: "Have you come here freely and without reservations…”

The Word of God:

Jesus then said to those Jews who believed in him, "If you remain in my word, you
will truly be my disciples,
and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:31-32 – NAB)
1- In general, how do you define “freedom?”

Watch this short clip: What True Freedom Looks Like

2- How does our culture define “freedom?” How does the Church?

3- Let’s compare the phrases "freely" and "without reservations."

What does it mean to come to marriage FREELY? Give examples.

4- What does “without reservations” mean? Be precise. Include some

examples in your answer.

5- What do you know about a Declaration of Nullity (wrongly called an

“annulment”)?

TO GIVE YOURSELVES TO EACH OTHER

The rite: "to give yourselves to each other in marriage"

The Word of God:

“This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love
than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends.”
(John 15:12-13- NAB)

6- What does “to give yourselves to each other” mean? How far are you
ready to give yourself to your spouse?

His answer:

Her answer:

The Cohabitation Question / Civil Marriage

Cohabitation means "living together in a sexual relationship without marriage."

(USCCB)
"Human love does not tolerate “trial marriages.” It demands a total and definitive
gift of persons to one another.” CCC #2391

"Many young people are searching for a soul mate in a marriage partner. They want
an intimate and enduring relationship where they can share their deepest dreams
and desires. In a misguided effort to achieve this intimacy, they often enter into a
cohabiting relationship. In so doing they undermine their chances of attaining the
very thing they most want." USCCB

Why shouldn’t you live together before marriage?

"The Church's teaching on cohabitation is not an "arbitrary" rule. Living together

before marriage is a sin because it violates God's commandments and the law of the
Church. St. Paul lists this sin — technically called "fornication" among the sins
(whether within or outside cohabitation) that can keep a person from reaching
heaven (see 1 Corinthians 6:9) Cohabitation works against the heart's deepest
desires and greatly increases the chances of a failed marriage.” Cohabitation and
Church’s Teaching

Civil marriage is different from cohabitation because it requires a stronger

commitment. Still, Catholics who marry outside the Church are considered to be
living in a sinful condition. Civilly married couples asking for convalidation within the
Church will take their commitment to a whole new level.

If you cohabitate, or are civilly married, we would like you to honestly discuss
together the reasons that pushed you to do so initially, then answer the questions.

Questions for cohabiting and civilly married couples only: (if this is not your
situation, skip questions 7a) and 7b) and go directly to question 8.)

7 a) How does the commitment you wish to make now differ from the
commitment you made when you decided to cohabitate/be civilly married?

His answer:

Her answer:

7 b) How could cohabitation increase the risk for divorce?

The next questions are now for all couples, cohabiting or not.

“The sexual act must take place exclusively within marriage.” CCC 2390
8- Why must the sexual act take place exclusively within marriage?

"Outside of marriage it [the sexual act] always constitutes a grave sin and excludes
one from sacramental communion." CCC #2390
This means that couples who are in a sexual relationship outside of wedlock must not
receive the Eucharist because they are not in communion with Christ and His Church.

9- Why is the sexual act outside of wedlock “always a grave sin?”

10- Explain the sacramental and spiritual meanings of the sexual act in
marriage.

"In our culture, sex has wrongly become one of the foundational values on which we
think to build our lives. Couples take it as the key to their successful relationship.
Of course sexual relations play an important part in a couple's life. But sexuality
nowadays has become a sort of idol. We expect from our sex life to erase our
frustrations and realize all our dreams.

I dare say that sexual relations are not to be first in a couple's life. What must be
first is the quality of their relationship: the way they communicate, make decisions
together, build their home together, and raise their children together. Sex isn't what
will give "color" to a couple's relationship, but the quality of this couple's relationship
is what will give "color" to their sexuality. Denis La Balme

"Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence. They
should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in
fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for
marriage the expressions of affection that belong to married love. They will help each
other grow in chastity." CCC #2350 (emphasis added)

Sexual intercourse is the seal of your marriage covenant.

Christ, through the Church, asks you to remain abstinent until your wedding day with
the goal of reserving sexual intercourse for the authentication of your consent and to
receive each other from God in an act of trust.

PERSONAL WORK:

Please, read this incredibly touching testimonial of a young lady who, with her fiancé,
chose abstinence until their wedding. At first, it didn't come naturally to her, though.
After high school, she had fallen into prostitution to make ends meet. She had been
raped several times and was living with her boyfriend, soon to be fiancé.
Take some time separately to reflect on the following questions:
- Are you willing to abstain until your wedding night?
- Why or why not?
- How can you make it possible?
- Find ten ways each to show your love without being sexual.

Then get back together and share your answers with each other.

11- In accord with the Church's teachings, are you willing to remain
abstinent until your wedding day with the goal of preserving sexual
intercourse to authenticate your consent and receive each other from God in
an act of trust?

Abstinence Pledge: YES / NO / THINK

To help you with your pledge, you can print two pledge-cards by clicking
here
You can fill them in now. Our team commits to pray for you on a daily basis to
support you in your effort.
You can also print our abstinence guide by clicking here

12- Will this period of abstinence before the wedding benefit your
relationship? If so, how?
If not, why not?

His answer:

Her answer:

“Chastity is a difficult, long-term matter; one must wait patiently for it to bear fruit,
for the happiness of the loving kindness which it must bring. But at the same time,
chastity is the sure way to happiness” Saint John Paul II

FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES

The Rite: "Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your
lives?"

The Word of God:

Some Pharisees approached him, and tested him, saying, and “Is it lawful for a man
to divorce his wife for any cause whatever?"
He said in reply, "Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator 'made them
male and female' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother
and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together,
no human being must separate. (Matthew 19:3-6 – NAB)
Recall that the first of the "three goods" of marriage is indissolubility. The
commitment you are about to make is for life. It is critical that you understand this.

“When God made a covenant with the people of Israel, they swore fidelity to him on
their very lives (see Exodus 24:7-8). In the same way, a man and woman who
choose to marry bind themselves, both in their free consent and in their sexual
union. They swear fidelity; they promise openness to children; they promise their
whole selves. In so doing they create an unbreakable covenant bond. In their sexual
union their bodies speak the truth of this covenant, echoing God's words of betrothal
to Israel and Christ's words of love for his bride spoken from the cross." Mary
Healy,” Men and Women are from Eden”, p.85

13- Why is marriage permanent and indissoluble?

14- “Will you love and honor each other?” What is your definition of love?

His definition:

Her definition:

15- "Will you honor each other?" How can you “honor each other”?

WILL YOU ACCEPT CHILDREN?

The Rite: "Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to
the law of Christ and his Church?"

“Each and every marriage act must remain open to the transmission of life.”
“Children are really the supreme gift of marriage.” Saint Paul VI Humanae Vitae

NOTE: This course will give you an introduction to Natural Family Planning. It doesn’t
include the training.

The next few questions will refer back to our previous sessions on the formation of
conscience and contraception. Though some questions may seem repetitive, we seek
to understand your reflections on the teachings we’ve discussed.
16- Summarize the main takeaways from our formation of conscience
lesson.

Lack of formation of conscience consequences:

Please, watch this alarming clip.

Contraception teaching

17- Respond to Pope Saint Paul VI’s warnings about contraception in 1968.
Have his predictions come true today? If so, how? If not, why not?

Click to watch a clip on NFP.

18- Explain some ways that contraception is harmful.

Read the following excerpts.

Take some time to discuss them together.

Pope Saint John Paul II

"When married couples remove from the exercise of their conjugal sexuality its
potential procreative capacity, they claim a power which belongs solely to God: the
power to decide, in a final analysis, the coming into existence of a human person.
They assume the qualification not of being cooperators in God's creative power, but
the ultimate depositories of the source of human life. Contraception is so profoundly
unlawful as never to be, for any reason, justified. To think or to say the contrary is
equal to maintaining that in human life situations may arise in which it is lawful not
to recognize God as God."

Archbishop Chaput
"When spouses give themselves honestly and entirely to each other, as the nature of
married love implies and even demands, that must include their whole selves -and
the most intimate, powerful part of each person is his or her fertility. Contraception
not only denies this fertility and attacks procreation; in doing so, it necessarily
damages unity as well. It is the equivalent of spouses saying: "I'll give you all I am -
except my fertility; I'll accept all you are - except your fertility." This withholding of
self inevitably works to isolate and divide the spouses, and unravel the holy
friendship between them... maybe not immediately and overtly, but deeply, and in
the long run often fatally for marriage."

Dietrich Von Hildebrand

Love, Marriage, and the Catholic Conscience
"We are here confronted with the fundamental sin of irreverence toward God, the
denial of our creaturehood, the acting as if we were our own lords. This is a basic
denial of our being bound to God... It is the same sinfulness that lies in suicide or in
euthanasia, in both of which we act as if we were masters of life."

The Pill is Not Good for Women

By Erika Bachiochi & Catherine R. Pakaluk

...”Contrary to a popular misconception, the alternative to the contraceptive

revolution is not to roll back the clock on women’s advancement, and certainly not to
promote a physically and emotionally taxing outcome in which women have as many
children as biologically possible. Rather, the alternative to contraception is to respect
biological asymmetry, heal the wound between the sexes, and expect more from
men.
Authentic sexual equality requires that men understand with their bodies (as women
do) the procreative potential of the sexual act. And this is exactly what natural
methods of family planning do. By frequenting sex only during infertile times when a
child is unwanted, men learn to coordinate their desires for intimacy with the natural
rhythms of the female body. Feminist scholar and theologian Angela Franks notes
that “[this] is unheard of in a society in which male desire appears to set the
guidelines — especially in the ‘hook-up’ culture. Indeed, such a reorientation of
desire is more revolutionary than any secular feminist project.” Those who practice
this approach to family planning report that its use tends to make husbands more
sensitive to the sexual and emotional needs of their wives — a sensitivity that many
women have long found wanting.
...The feminist movement asked men for very little. We should ask them for much
more... Catholic teaching is not against reason, modernity, or women. It’s prophetic,
pro-woman — and about time.”

SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE FORMULA

19- How could each element of the following marriage formula help your
marriage?
1. No sex before marriage (or stop and wait until your wedding).
2. Get married in Church, go to Church, and pray.
3. Practice NFP instead of using contraception.
4. Tithe (give 10% of your income to the Church and /or charities).

The abortion issue:

20- An unresolved pregnancy loss through abortion can hinder the spiritual,
emotional, and physical growth in marriage, whether a woman had an abortion or a
man had a baby that was aborted in a relationship.
You might even have experienced an abortion in a prior relationship. If this
is the case, be open and discuss it together, or with a counselor if
necessary.
+++ This is a difficult subject matter to talk about and maybe even more difficult to
put on paper, however, much can be gained for yourself and your marriage. +++
In any case, abortion is a hot topic. What are your thoughts and feelings
about it?
What do you know about the consequences of an abortion?

His answer:

Her answer:

Beautiful clip showing life in the womb.

Can abortion be justified in case of rape?

Watch this powerful (and difficult) clip: Conceived in Rape Trailer

RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD:

"With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible

parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more
children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral
precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite
period of time." (Humanae Vitae)

21- How does NFP differ from contraception? What benefits do you see in
practicing NFP in your own marriage?

His answer:

Her answer:

The Root of the Problem poster.

The Question of NFP

Several couples wish to have as many children as God wants to grant them and will
decide to use neither contraception nor practice NFP. They want to be totally opened
to God's gift and it is wonderful.

In Humanae Vitae, Pope Saint Paul VI writes:

With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible

parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more
children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral
precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite
period of time. (10)

(16) If therefore there are well-grounded reasons for spacing births, arising from the
physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external
circumstances, the Church teaches that married people may then take advantage of
the natural cycles immanent in the reproductive system and engage in marital
intercourse only during those times that are infertile, thus controlling birth in a way
which does not in the least offend the moral principles which We have just explained.
(20)

Neither the Church nor her doctrine is inconsistent when she considers it lawful for
married people to take advantage of the infertile period but condemns as always
unlawful the use of means which directly prevent conception, even when the reasons
given for the later practice may appear to be upright and serious. In reality, these
two cases are completely different. In the former the married couple rightly use a
faculty provided them by nature. In the later they obstruct the natural development
of the generative process. It cannot be denied that in each case the married couple,
for acceptable reasons, are both perfectly clear in their intention to avoid children
and wish to make sure that none will result. But it is equally true that it is exclusively
in the former case that husband and wife are ready to abstain from intercourse
during the fertile period as often as for reasonable motives the birth of another child
is not desirable. And when the infertile period recurs, they use their married intimacy
to express their mutual love and safeguard their fidelity toward one another. In
doing this they certainly give proof of a true and authentic love.

Therefore it is important to learn NFP. We never know what life has in store for us
and the practice of NFP can become necessary, at a point or another of our marriage,
for health or financial reasons, or if we have trouble conceiving.

22- Please answer the following questions about NFP. It will help us tailor-fit our
answers to your specific needs!
Have you taken an NFP class yet?
If yes, when? Which method?
If no, do you plan to take one? When?
If you are still wondering why you should practice NFP in your marriage, answer the
following questions.
What do you fear? What makes you feel uncomfortable? Do you have any
other questions or concerns about NFP?

“Will you bring them up [your children] according to the law of Christ and his
Church”?

23- You will answer "yes" to this question. What does it imply for you?

If you remember the Visitation in the Gospel of Luke, you remember that Mary who
was just pregnant with Jesus went to visit her cousin Elizabeth. It was a Jewish
tradition that the new mother would spend the first three months of her pregnancy
at the feet of an elder woman who would read the Scriptures to her. In this way,
they were making sure that the baby in the womb was formed from the very
beginning by the Word of God.

24- Try to remember, from our first answer key, the definition of true
authority.
What does it mean regarding your children?

I am the good shepherd. A good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.... I know
mine and mine know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I
will lay down my life for the sheep... John 10: 11-15

25- What is the goal of parenting?

How do you understand "discipline”?
How do you plan to implement it?

His answer:

Her answer:

Click to watch an interesting experiment that can teach us much about parenting:
The marshmallow test, and how a child learns to say no to him or herself.

26- What do you think it means to be a mother and a father? Take the
differences between the sexes into account in your answer.

Him: a father:

Her: a mother:

“We believe in the communion of all the faithful of Christ, those who are pilgrims on
earth, the dead who are being purified, and the blessed in heaven, all together
forming one Church; and we believe that in this communion, the merciful love of God
and his saints is always attentive to our prayers.” Pope Saint Paul VI, CPG 30
27- What are some benefits of giving your children Biblical or Christian
names?

I TAKE YOU
The Rite: "I take you to be my wife/husband..."

The Word of God:

"When his mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, but before they lived together, she
was found with child through the Holy Spirit. Joseph her husband, since he was a
righteous man, yet unwilling to expose her to shame, decided to divorce her quietly.
Such was his intention when, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a
dream and said, "Joseph, son of David, Do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into
your home. For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her.
She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people
from their sins." Matthew 1:18-21

28- The matrimonial consent: As we saw in our assignment "The

Sacrament", the Church asks that you consent to the three specific "goods
and requirements" of Conjugal Love. Please list them again.

"The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of
coercion or grave external fear. No human power can substitute for this consent."
CCC #1628

29- How do you understand this "act of the will" in the commitment you are
about to make and in your daily conjugal life?

30- From whom do you receive each other?

31- “I take you”: What do these words imply?

Your past, and families of origin:
Discuss your cultural backgrounds and families together. Were there hurtful parts
you hope to leave behind? Good things you’ll carry with you? Also, if applicable,
discuss your past relationships—the good and the bad.

32- What are some ways that a person’s past can be problematic for their
relationship?

His answer:

Her answer:

THE COUNSELOR IS IN!

If you have a specific question regarding yourself, your past, and/or your
relationship, you can address it to Dan Spadaro, Ma, LPC. He will respond to you
personally within about a week.
If you feel your question requires more than a short answer and you would like to
discuss your issue with our counselor, you can apply for a 60-minutes phone session
for a fee of $95. Dan Spadaro will contact you to make a phone appointment.

*Instead of love letters, this time we offer you a set of fun quizzes to help you check
how well you know each other.

Print two sets of each and work separately before sharing your answers.

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