Individual Awareness Vol2 - Knowing Others Participant - 160720 Final

Participant Pack
Maritime Wellbeing
Volume 2
Individual Awareness
Develop your emotional fitness to know
others and use social skills
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Introduction to Volume 2
Knowing others and using social skills

You may already be familiar with the idea that we all have different levels of emotional
fitness.
Someone with a lot of emotional fitness knows themselves well, they are aware of their
strengths, weaknesses and values. They can manage their moods effectively and are
aware of the effect they have on others.
They are also able to get to know and understand other people, and they have the social
skills to interact well and get the best out of other people.
In volume one we focused on the top two boxes of this model, knowing yourself and
managing your moods, both as a seafarer and as a person.
In volume two we are going to focus on the bottom two boxes, knowing others and using
social skills.
Individual Awareness Volume 2
Module 1: Active Listening
Participant Workbook
Module 1: Active Listening
al Health
Goals of this module

Explain what we mean by active listening and why it is important in
working well with other people
Help you to score your ability to use active listening
Offer tools and techniques to enhance your active listening
Look at the table below and tick every statement you agree with.
People have told you that you are a good listener
You enjoy organising group activities
You sensitively handle disagreements and negotiations
You are good at reading the emotions of others and responding well
You are good at building positive relationships with others
You always try to listen very carefully when people speak to you
It helps to know others and using social skills to work effectively with them.
Active Listening
What are the benefits of knowing others and using social skills onboard a vessel?
Discuss with a partner.
What do we mean by active listening? Discuss with your group.
You may already know about active listening, you may be very good at it, but it is
always worth reminding ourselves what we mean by it, how we do it, and what are the
benefits for crew members.
It is important to remember that the way we engage with other people can vary between
cultures and individuals. For example, in some cultures, direct eye contact is considered
important in order to show that you are listening. In other cultures, it is considered
challenging or disrespectful.
Active Listening: Scenario 1
This volume is about knowing others and using social skills.
Active listening helps us to get to know others better by showing a real interest. It is a
social skill which helps us work well together as a team and shows we support our
colleagues.
Let’s explore active listening. Take a few minutes to read the following scenario and
make notes on the next page about what the real problem might be.
Scenario 1
Amandeep, the 3/O, sits in the officers’ mess. He is reading a textbook. The
C/O enters the room and sits across the table from him.
‘Celestial Navigation!’ The C/O gestures towards the textbook in

Amandeep’s hands.
‘I remember when I was studying to become 2/O. A few years ago, now. I
thought that the more senior I became, the happier I would be!’ He laughs
but rolls his eyes. ‘How wrong could I be?’
Amandeep does not know what to say to this, so he stays silent.
The C/O sighs, ‘But then when you get promoted you realise that there are
other, more important things in life. Don’t you agree?’
Amandeep is a little uncomfortable with this conversation. He mutters, ‘I’m not

sure’.
The C/O frowns. ‘I do. When you are young you think everyone will be
around forever. There will be plenty of time to do everything, share
everything, tell them what they mean to you’. He takes a deep breath. ‘So,
you don’t say it, and life gets in the way. And one day it’s too late.’ He
pauses...
Amandeep gets up. ‘I…need to prepare for my watch. Excuse me.’ He walks
swiftly out of the Officers’ mess.
The C/O takes out his phone and scrolls down. Once more he reads the text
and feels the pain in his heart.
Active Listening: Scenario 1
What do you think the Chief Officer may have wanted to talk about?
Why do you think the 3/O didn’t want to listen?
What might happen because the C/O isn’t able to talk about his situation?
The phrase ‘and one day it’s too late’, gives us an important clue. The C/O has perhaps
suffered a bereavement or maybe the break-up of a relationship, but we won’t know if
we avoid asking.
You may feel that this is personal, and you should not ask about it, but not many people
would say what the C/O says in this scenario, if they were not prepared to talk more
about it.
Mental wellbeing is usually improved by talking about issues, rather than keeping them to
ourselves.
Active listening does not mean you are supposed to be

some sort of therapist or counsellor.
You are simply listening properly to what the other
person is saying, without judging and without turning
the conversation to your own agenda.
Active Listening Guide
In pairs take it in turns to read out the numbered sections from the following active
listening guide. Discuss how well you think you can do what is described.
1. Pay close attention
You can’t properly concentrate on somebody else if you are doing something else. If
someone wants to speak to you about something that matters to them;
• Make enough time. Sometimes people need to work through a problem by
talking about it. Few personal problems can be sorted out in a couple of minutes.
• Focus on the person entirely. Set aside all work and distractions (particularly
phones, computers or any other sort of screen device).
• Notice how they speak. Do they sound stressed or distracted? Do they appear to
be uncomfortable? This may be a sign that what they are discussing is difficult
for them. If they relax during the conversation you are doing a good job.
2. Show you are listening
If you appear bored distracted or uninterested then the conversation will not last long.
Some of the ways in which good listeners show they are listening are;
• They nod occasionally to show they agree
• They smile or frown appropriately
• They use words and phrases like, ‘Go on.’, ‘really...’, and ‘tell me more about...’
3. Explore
Make sure you understand what the person is really saying, and help them explore
their issue by:
• Reflecting back what you think they are trying to tell you by using phrases like,
‘What I’m hearing is…’ and ‘It sounds to me as if you are saying…’.
• Asking questions to check your understanding of what they are saying, such as,
‘what did you mean when you said….?, or ‘Am I right in thinking….?’
4. Don’t interrupt
Being a good listener means giving the other person time to talk. If you interrupt, they
will stop sharing. Don’t disagree. That might lead to an argument or the end of the
conversation.
5. Treat the person and their issues with respect
Assume that the problem or issue is important to the other person. Don’t dismiss an
issue as unimportant by saying something like, ‘Oh that’s not a big deal…’. It may
be a very big deal to them. If the person becomes anxious or uncomfortable, be
ready to stop the conversation.
Active Listening Exercise1
In pairs, tell each other about a time when you were not listened to. It might be
onboard ship, or at home, at the doctor’s, in a shop, a car showroom -
anywhere where you were talked at instead of listened to.
How did it make you feel?
Do you think they knew how they made you feel?
Active listening is a very good social skill which improves relationships between people,
both at work and with family and friends.
Talk for 2 minutes to your partner about a place that you know very well.
Your partner should listen but is not allowed to make notes and is only allowed to say
‘that’s interesting, tell me more about that’…
After two minutes the listener should repeat back as much as they can remember.
Swap roles and repeat the exercise.
Active listening is also an important leadership

skill.
Some people are naturally good at it and others
are not. But everyone can improve with practice.
Look for opportunities to build professional (and
personal) relationships by active listening.
Active Listening Summary
Summary of Volume 2, Module1

Take a moment to write down what you will remember from this session and what
you want to do as a result.
Note down your key take-aways as a reminder:
Summary
In this session we have talked about active listening. We have discussed some
of the techniques, and we have explored what it feels like not to be listened to,
and what the benefits are of active listening.
Like most things in life, to be good at active listening takes practice. Next time
you are talking to someone – ask yourself, am I really paying proper attention to
the other person, or am I just waiting for my turn to speak? Active listening takes
more effort, but it builds excellent relationships.
References for this module include the following sources:

1
Uono, S and Hietanen, J (2015) Eye Contact Perception in the West and East: A Cross-cultural study, PLoS
One, 10(2) e0118094
Volume 2
Module 2: Observing and
Intervening
Module 2: Observing and Intervening

Explore how noticing the emotions and moods of others can help
build working relationships
Show that people with high levels of emotional fitness are good at
recognising emotions and moods in others
Encourage people to notice other people’s emotions and moods

and react or intervene sensitively
Remind yourselves of the differences between emotions and moods in the table
below.
In this module we are going to think about how we can notice the emotions and
moods of others and react in ways to help them when they need it.
Emotion Mood
Related to the heart Related to the mind
Person is aware of the cause Person may not be aware of the cause
Hard to control Controllable
Brief Longer lasting
About something Not about anything in particular
Volatile Stable
Starts and goes away quickly Starts and goes away slowly
Observing and Intervening: Scenario 2
Read the following scenario and follow instructions for a short role play
Scenario 2
You have not sailed with this AB before. You have been told he is good at his
job, hard-working and popular. But each time you have seen him, he has
made no attempt to speak. He has given the appearance of rushing around
and has an angry expression on his face.
You have tried to make small talk, but he has made excuses and quickly
walked away. Another member of the crew reported that he was spotted
throwing tins of paint over the side of the vessel.
One day you are working together. He does not speak, but stares at the floor,
appears tense and ready for an argument.
In pairs, one participant should play the role of the AB; The other, try to begin a
conversation.
Discuss as a group:
How did you start the conversation?
How did the AB reply?
What would you do next?
Note: After this session you may want to remind yourself of module
3 in the ‘Let’s Talk’ programme, in particular ‘Ask’ which is part of
the memory aid ALL ACT.
Observing and Intervening: Expressions
According to psychologists, there are 7 universal emotions expressed across the globe.
How easily can you recognise them in someone’s face?
Name these facial expressions
1. 2. 3. 4.
5. 6. 7.
Complete the table below, then discuss with a partner.
What can you see in the face that tells you their emotion?
1.
5.
2.
6.
3.
7.
4.
As a group, discuss the following questions:
Why do you think people sometimes upset each other when using email or
texts?
It is hard to tell what people mean sometimes in an email or

text because so much of what we communicate is through
our facial expressions and our body language.
That is why emojis were created – to help us express our

emotions. ☺
Why might it be important to be able to recognise someone else’s emotions?
We can never know exactly what people are thinking but

recognising people’s emotions can help give us a good idea
how they might be feeling.
As humans, we have developed over time to be able to

communicate our emotions.
Research suggests that facial expressions of emotions are there so we can an influence
on other people in some way.
So, if someone onboard is expressing fear then it is a good idea to find out why.
Why do you think humans have developed over time to show their emotions in
their faces? It may help to look at the pictures on page 13 again. 5 out of 7 are
negative, surprise is neutral (it can be good or bad) and joy is the only completely
positive emotional expression.
Some people are not very good at recognising emotions in other people. This could be
for example, because they have a condition where they are also not very good at
recognising their own emotions, or because they have a brain injury where they cannot
recognise facial expressions. This however is quite rare.
Here are some examples of why psychologists think humans have developed to facially
express certain emotions:
• Happiness: to encourage the other person to join with them in an activity
• Sadness: to persuade the other person to protect or support them
• Anger: to influence the other person to submit or back down
• Fear: to show submission to someone else
• Disgust: to break off the current joint activity

Observing and Intervening: Scenario 3
Read the following scenario and make notes on the following questions:
Scenario 3
You are the Bosun supervising the pumping of lube oil from drums into the
engine room storage tanks.
When the drums are empty you tell an OS to store the empty drums on the
poop deck temporarily. He asks if he can have someone to help. You turn to
an AB who has just come on deck and instruct them to work with the OS.
You briefly see an expression on his face which looks to you like disgust, or
anger. He turns away and slowly walks towards the empty oil drums.
What sort of reasons might be behind the brief facial expression?
What would you do?
We cannot always know exactly what lies behind someone’s facial expression, but there
is something causing it, and it might affect the safe passage of the vessel.
The better you get to know your fellow crew members, the more likely you are to spot
behaviours that point to them having a problem.
When you see that sign you can then intervene and offer support.
Summary for Module 2
Summary of volume 2, module2
Summary
In this session we have talked about observing moods and emotions in other
people.
We looked at the 7 universal emotions that are recognised across the globe.
We discussed that it was important to be able to understand the emotions of
other people, in order that we can react helpfully and find out sensitively what
may be a problem for them or for the ship.

1
Crivelli,C and Fridlund,A (2018) Facial Displays are tools for social influence, Trends in Cognitive Sciences,
Vol 22 No 5, p388-399
Volume 2
Module 3: Managing Conflict
Module 3: Managing Conflict

Explore how people us different strategies in a conflict situation
Recognise your own usual approach to conflict
Recommend a collaborative approach to resolving conflicts
Look at the picture below and read the five definitions on the next two pages.
Strategies for managing conflict

There are five strategies most people use when conflict has arisen3.
Managing Conflict: Definitions
Avoiding
When people simply walk away from conflict
They prefer not to become involved, knowing that it is easier to pretend it isn’t happening than
to deal whatever created the problem in the first place. This strategy might help avoid a
confrontation, but it does not fix the problem.
Competing
People who adopt this strategy want to win at all costs
They are assertive* but not at all co-operative. (* Assertive means standing up for what you
want. People who are not assertive do not put their needs first. People who are very assertive
want what is best for them.) With people who adopt a competing strategy, someone wins but
therefore someone else loses. Competing works well in sports and war, but not very often
when solving a problem on a vessel.
Accommodating
People give in to the wishes or demands of the other person
This is the opposite of competing. Accommodators are certainly being cooperative but not at
all assertive of their position or rights. Often people will be accommodators simply to keep the
peace.
However, like avoidance, it can result in the issues not being resolved. Too many
accommodators on a vessel can result in the most assertive people commandeering all
decisions and controlling conversations. This denies much of the diversity of views that leads
to good teamworking.
Collaborating
The approach taken by people who are very
cooperative
These people are cooperative as well as being very
assertive. They seek a shared solution which meets
their needs as well as the needs of others. In other
words, they seek a win/win solution.
Strategies for Managing Conflict
Compromise
People who are partly cooperative and partly assertive
Although these people are partly cooperative and partly assertive, everybody has to give up
something and nobody gets entirely what they want.
The best outcome is to ‘split the difference’. Compromise is perceived to be fair, even if
nobody is particularly happy with the final outcome.
Which of these strategies do you tend to use when in a conflict situation?

Strategies for Managing Conflict
Read the situation below about the difference between compromising and
collaborating.
Two children are fighting over the last orange.
Eventually they decide to compromise

and cut the orange in half.
A reasonable compromise you might think. But if they had collaborated to find out why
the other person wanted the orange, they might have discovered that
one of them wanted an orange drink,
whilst the other wanted the peel for a cake.
In this case each person would have got 100% of what they wanted instead of 50%.
All conflicts can be improved when both sides work to

understand what the other wants or needs.
To do this, try and find out the reason behind the problem
(not assume you already know).
Managing Conflict: Scenario 4
Read the following scenario and discuss the question with a partner:
Scenario 4
There is a very bad atmosphere on your vessel which has been developing
between the deck and engine room departments. It has become much worse
since leaving the last port.
The Captain blames the Chief Engineer (C/E) for delays caused by waiting in
port for the main engine maintenance to be completed.
The C/E says it was the Captain’s fault as he forgot to tell the C/E when
permission was received to start the work.
The Captain has demanded an apology from the C/E and has made it known
that he will accept nothing less, but the C/E has managed to keep himself very
busy and has not appeared at mealtimes or in any of the common areas of the
vessel.
The whole crew is suffering from the tension.
What strategies for managing conflict have been adopted by the Captain and
Chief Engineer? Discuss
As a result of both their approaches, the tension remains and the whole crew suffers.
Managing Conflict: Scenario 4
If you were brought in by the company to resolve the conflict between the
Captain and the Chief Engineer, what would you do?
Both people in the scenario have strong opinions and think they are right, but their
stubbornness is stopping them working well as a team.
Now think about yourselves. Take five minutes to think about the following
questions and share with your partner:
Think of a conflict you have been involved in. E.g. a family argument, a work
situation, a problem that happened when you bought something, or booked a
holiday.
How was it settled? (remember the strategies above and be honest!)
Could it have been handled better and, if so, how?
A ‘Golden Bridge’ can help everyone maintain dignity and ‘save face’.
Managing Conflict: Summary
Summary of Volume 2, Module 3

Summary
In this session we have talked about managing conflict, and the five different
types of strategy people use in conflict situations.
We saw how collaborating with others gave the best chance of all parties
reaching a satisfactory solution.
Take time to read through the descriptions of the strategies again when you
have time. When you are next in a conflict situation, try to find ways of
collaborating.

3
For a fuller account and a psychometric test, see the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument
Individual Awareness Volume 2
Module 4: Using Social Skills
Module 4: Using Social Skills

Explore how social skills contribute to safety and wellbeing
Witness how a lack of social skills can affect all crew members
Show how social skills can help support others onboard the vessel
A merchant vessel is a good example of a system which combines technology and

human beings. It takes skill to maintain the engines of a ship, and to navigate it safely
across the seas and waterways of the world.
The same amount of skill is needed to get the best out of the people onboard and this
means seafarers need good social skills4.
A ship is a close community of people who have to work together for months at a time.
Social skills help maintain good working relationships and contribute to the wellbeing
and safety of the whole crew.
Social skills include active listening, observing emotions and intervening, and managing
conflict. But they also include things that can be difficult to measure, like care, trust,
respect and cooperation.
Seafarers need good social skills
Observing Emotions
Cooperation Intervening
Respect Care
Trust Managing Conflict

Using Social Skills
Take a look at this list and tick all the statements you agree with:
I try to think of ways to avoid problems, instead of waiting for problems to

happen before I do something
I like to hear ideas from others when I make decisions
I like change and think about how things could be different
I like to work with other people to develop values and inspire excellence
I am usually willing to look on the bright side
I am able to accept responsibility for my mistakes
I let other people see the real me when I interact with them
I value a team approach over an individual approach
I am able to give other people credit for ideas and positive outcomes
Keep practicing, to maintain good relationships using your social skills!

Using Social Skills: Scenario 5
Read the following scenario.
Scenario 5
The Chief Engineer (C/E) was not in a good mood. He had arrived on the
vessel that evening to discover that the Captain was female. She welcomed
him warmly and said she was looking forward to working together.
‘You too’, he muttered before heading straight to the Engine Control Room.
The C/E had not worked on this vessel before so started to familiarise
himself with the equipment he would oversee through the return journey to
Kuwait. He spotted the Second Engineer (2/E), who he knew well and
called him over.
‘Have you seen the Captain?’ He asked.
The 2/E nodded.
‘She looks about twelve’ the C/E said, shaking his head. ‘I hope that the
Chief Officer (C/O) knows what he’s doing, you know what I’m saying?’
The 2/E, not sure how to respond to this, just said, ‘Yes’.
The C/E hadn’t finished. ‘I might be a bit old-fashioned, but I don’t think it’s
right. Do you?’
‘Well, er…’ The Second Engineer didn’t want to get into an argument with
his boss, even though he disagreed with what the Chief Engineer clearly
believed. Fortunately, the Chief Engineer didn’t notice his discomfort.
‘So, listen, warn the rest of the team that we might get some strange
requests, but whatever comes out of the bridge – make sure they check with
me first. OK?’
‘Er, OK’, the Second Engineer managed, then made his excuses and
headed to his cabin. It was going to be a long and difficult trip.
Discuss the scenario.
What is your reaction to this scenario? What do you notice about the actions
of the C/E?
What effect is the C/E likely to have on the entire crew?
Being a modern seafarer means respecting others and demonstrating that you care about
them as professionals and as people.
Read the following scenario, which continues over the page
Scenario 6
The Captain has asked Third Officer Ravi (3/O) to meet for a mid-trip
review.
The Captain begins, ‘Let’s talk about that fishing vessel’.
‘I saw it’, the Ravi replies, ‘But I was busy with the positions and I thought
you and the Pilot were aware of the traffic situation’.
The Captain nods, and says calmly, ‘I appreciate I was at fault in allowing
myself to become distracted, and I know how busy the Officer of the Watch
can get on pilotage. It’s a case of prioritising. If you see something is fast
becoming a navigational hazard, please say so. OK?’
Ravi shrugs and mutters, ‘OK’.
The Captain observes the shrug and, though he is used to rather more
respect from an Officer, he suspects that there is more to this behaviour than
he knows. ‘Can I ask you something?’
The Ravi gives him a strange look. ‘What?’, he replies like a bored
teenager.
‘You have been a 3/O for six years now. Are you making progress
towards your Class 2 exams?’.
‘I failed’, Ravi says and stares at the floor.
‘Are you planning on retaking them soon?’, The Captain asks.
‘Not really’.
‘Is there something I can do to help?’

‘Like what?’ Ravi looks suspiciously at the Captain.
‘I have been through the exams; I have an idea how to prepare for them’.
‘I hate exams.
The Captain smiles. ‘I haven’t met many seafarers who enjoy them’. A
thought occurs to him. In his mind’s eye he sees the logbook and the last
entry made by 3/O Ravi.
Using Social Skills: Scenario 6 Continued
‘May I ask you something else?’ Do you have difficulty making out letters
and words?’
Ravi looks up in surprise. ‘What if I do?’
‘Did you tell the examiners?’
‘No – you don’t like to admit that sort of thing’.
The Captain smiles. ‘It’s incredibly common and it means that you are
entitled to longer time to complete the exam’.
For the first time Ravi sits up and looks interested. ‘I didn’t know that’’.
The Captain leans forward. ‘Look, Ravi, have a think about it, and if you
would like to start preparing for your Class 2 exams, come and find me and
we can talk through how to revise and what the examiners are looking for.
OK?’
Ravi nods, and almost smiles. ‘OK’. He gets up ‘I’m on watch in five
minutes.
‘I’ll see you soon’, the Captain says, and offers his hand.
Ravi shakes his hand and leaves. The Captain takes a deep breath. It took
some effort to keep his temper and not to remind Ravi who was the boss.
But he managed it!
Discuss the scenario.
What did the Captain do that used his social skills?

Using Social Skills: Summary
Summary of volume 2, module 3

Summary
In this session we have talked about using social skills.
We scored our own use of social skills against a checklist.
We saw how a lack of social skills can undermine the smooth and safe
operation of a ship.
We also saw how excellent social skills, as the Captain demonstrated in the
previous scenario, can have a very positive effect on other people.

4
For more about Social Leadership: The Social Leadership Handbook, Julian Stodd
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Participant Pack

Knowing others and using social skills

Goals of this module

Help you to score your ability to use active listening

Offer tools and techniques to enhance your active listening

People have told you that you are a good listener

You enjoy organising group activities

You sensitively handle disagreements and negotiations

You are good at building positive relationships with others

What do we mean by active listening? Discuss with your group.

This volume is about knowing others and using social skills.

‘Celestial Navigation!’ The C/O gestures towards the textbook in

Amandeep does not know what to say to this, so he stays silent.

Amandeep is a little uncomfortable with this conversation. He mutters, ‘I’m not

Why do you think the 3/O didn’t want to listen?

Active listening does not mean you are supposed to be

How did it make you feel?

Do you think they knew how they made you feel?

Active listening is also an important leadership

Summary of Volume 2, Module1

Note down your key take-aways as a reminder:

References for this module include the following sources:

Goals of this module

Encourage people to notice other people’s emotions and moods

Related to the heart Related to the mind

Hard to control Controllable

Brief Longer lasting

About something Not about anything in particular

Name these facial expressions

Complete the table below, then discuss with a partner.

As a group, discuss the following questions:

It is hard to tell what people mean sometimes in an email or

That is why emojis were created – to help us express our

Why might it be important to be able to recognise someone else’s emotions?

We can never know exactly what people are thinking but

As humans, we have developed over time to be able to

• Happiness: to encourage the other person to join with them in an activity

• Sadness: to persuade the other person to protect or support them

• Anger: to influence the other person to submit or back down

• Fear: to show submission to someone else

• Disgust: to break off the current joint activity

What sort of reasons might be behind the brief facial expression?

What would you do?

Note down your key take-aways as a reminder:

References for this module include the following sources:

Goals of this module

Recognise your own usual approach to conflict

Recommend a collaborative approach to resolving conflicts

Strategies for managing conflict

Which of these strategies do you tend to use when in a conflict situation?

Two children are fighting over the last orange.

Eventually they decide to compromise

one of them wanted an orange drink,

whilst the other wanted the peel for a cake.

All conflicts can be improved when both sides work to

The whole crew is suffering from the tension.

How was it settled? (remember the strategies above and be honest!)

Could it have been handled better and, if so, how?

Summary of Volume 2, Module 3

Note down your key take-aways as a reminder:

References for this module include the following sources:

Goals of this module

A merchant vessel is a good example of a system which combines technology and