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Comment 1
Topic sentence should also tie into your overall argument since the paragraph is supposed
to tie in

for example:

One reason for the intervention of lawmakers when it comes to abortion is the negative
impact that anti-abortion stigma has on women.

PAGE 2

Comment 2
You need evidence for this claim

Comment 3
How does this relate to your overall argument regarding the necessity of lawmakers to
establish more Comp policies and Health services? There's no mention of lawmakers in this
paragraph

Comment 4
this paragraph is similar enough that I think you could've kept it together with the first but if
you are going to separate it you need a new topic sentence that does the same thing I said
in my previous topic sentence comment

Sp. This word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proofread your
work.

Sp. This word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proofread your
work.

Comment 5
Where is the evidence whether by quotes or paraphrases? (Either way both need citations)
 Proofread This part of the sentence contains an error or misspelling that makes your
meaning unclear.

Comment 6
Where do the lawmakers come in?

Comment 7
in what article? What's it called? Introduce the source first.

PAGE 3

Comment 8
Again, there is no cited evidence wether in the form of direct quotes or paraphrases. This is
something you NEED to have!

Sp. This word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proofread your
work.

Sp. This word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proofread your
work.

Sp. This word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proofread your
work.

PAGE 4

Missing "," Review the rules for using punctuation marks.

Missing "," Review the rules for using punctuation marks.

Comment 9
You do a good job of presenting the alternative perspective however your subheading and
topic sentence don't signal that this section is your alternative perspectives section. Also, I
think you could have used an exact quote or paraphrase from the second source you
mention. What good is mentioning the source if you don't use it for evidence?

PAGE 5

Sp. This word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proofread your
work.
 S/V This subject and verb may not agree. Proofread the sentence to make sure the subject
agrees with the verb.

Comment 10
I like that here you make a positive case for legal intervention in other words you state what
good lawmakers could do when they support abortion rights rather than how not
supporting them leads to bad things.

Comment 11
Again you seem to be missing citations for the information coming from your sources.

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Comment 12
Good conclusion. Even at the end you need to avoid the use of "I" but you can implement a
call to action like you do here.

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