MyReminiscences 10000065

R A BINDRA NA TH TAGORE
F RO M TH E P O RT R A IT IN CO LO U RS BY S A S I KU M A R HE S H
MY R E M IN IS C E N C E S
BY
S IR RA B IN D RA NAT H T AGO R E
WITH F R ONTIS P IE CE F ROM TH E PO R T RAIT

IN COLOR S B Y S AS I KU MA R H E S H
New a 7
m
TH E M ACM IL LAN COM PAN Y
I917
A ll r i ghts r es erved
COPYRI GHT , AN D 191 7
B Y TH E A LLAN COM PAN Y

M CM I
Set t typ d P bli h d Ap il 9
up a n d elec ro e . u s e r . 1 1 7 .
TRAN S LATOR ’
S PRE FA CE
H E SE R eminiscences w e re written and
I p ublished by t h e Au th o r in his fiftieth

year shortly before he started o n a trip
,
to E u ro p e and America for his failing health

in 1 9 1 2 It was in the cou rse of this trip that
.
he wrote for the first time in t h e E nglish language

for publication .
In these memory pictu res so lightly even , ,
casu ally presented by the author there is never ,
t h e le s s revealed a connect e d history of his inner

,
life together with that of the varying literary

forms in which his growing self found successive
expression u p to the point at which both his soul
,
and poetry attained maturity .
This lightness o f manner and im p ortance o f

matter form a combination the translation o f
which into a diff erent language is naturally a
matter o f considerable di ffi culty It was in any .
,
case a task which the p resent Translator not

, ,
being an original writer in the E nglish language ,
would hardly have ventured to undertake had ,
there not been other considerations T h e trans .
lator s familiarity however with the persons

’
, , ,
vi T R A N S LATO R S ’
P R E FAC E
scenes and events herein de p icted made it a

,
temptation difficult for him to resist as well as a

,
responsibility which he did not care to leave to

oth e rs not possessing these advantages and there,
fore more liable to miss a p oint o r give a wrong

,
impression .
The Translator mo reover had the author s

, ,
’
permission and advice to make a free translation ,
a portion of which was completed and approved

by the latter before he left India on his recent tour
to Japan and America .
In regard to the nature o f the freedom taken

for the purposes o f the translation it may be,
mentioned that those suggestions which might

not have been as clear to the foreign as to the
Bengali read e r have been brought o u t in a slightly
more elaborate manner than in the original text ;
while again in rare cases others which depend
, ,
o n allu sions entirely unfamiliar to the non Indian -
reader have been omitted rather than spoil by

,
an over elaboration the simplicity and natu ral

-
n e s s which is the great feature of the original .
There are no footnotes in the original All the .
footnotes here given have been added by the

Translator in the hope that they may be of further
assistance to the foreign reader .
CO NT E N T S
T ra n slato r P re fac e
’
s
PART I
I .
2 . T e a c hi n g B egi n s .
3 . W i thi n a n d W i t ho u t
PART II
S e rv o c r a cy
T h e N o r ma l S c ho o l
V er s ific a t i o n
Va ri o u s L e a rn i n g .
My F i rs t O u ti n g
P r a c ti s i n g P o e t ry .
PART III
S ri k a n t h a B a b u
O u r B en g a li Co u r s e E n d s .
T h e P r o f es s o r
My F a t h er .
A J y w i t h my F a th er
o u rn e
A t th e H i ma l a y a s
PART IV
My R e tu rn .
H o me S t u d i es .
M y H o me E n v i r o n men t
L i t e r a ry Co mpa n i o n s
P u b li s h i n g
viii CONTE NTS
21. B ha n u Si n gh a
22 . P a t ri o t i s m .
23 . T h e B h a ra t i
PART V
24 . Ah med a b a d
25 . E n gl a n d
26. L o k en P a li t .
2 7. T h e B ro k en H ea r t .
E u ro pea n M u s i c .
Val mi k i P r a t i b h a
E v en i n g S o n gs
An E s s a y o n M u s ic
T h e R iv e r s i d e
- .
M o r e Ab o u t th e E v en i n g S o n g s
M o rn i n g S o n gs
PART VII
R a j en d r a h a l Mi tra
Natu re s R ev en ge
’
P i c tu r es a n d S o n gs
A n I n t e rve n i n g P e r i o d
B a n k i m Cha n d r a
PART VIII
The Stea mer H u l k .
B e r e a v e me n t s
T h e R ai n s a n d Au t u mn
Sharps a n d Fla t s
L I S T OF I LLU STRAT ION S
R a bi n d ra n a th T a go r e f ro m th e Po r t r a i t by S . K .
H es h F r on tz:pi ece
’
F a ci n g P a ge
T a go re i n 1 8 77 6
T h e In n er G a r d en Wa s M y P a ra d i s e 14
T h e Ganges 54
Saty a 64
Si ngi n g to M y F ath er 82
T h e H i mala y a s 94
Th e S e rva n t Mai d s i n th e
- Ve r a n d a h 1 06
M y El d es t B ro t h er 1 20
M o o n light 1 80
T h e G a n g e s Ag a i n 20 8
K a rwa r B each 23 6
M y B ro th er J yo ti ri n d r a 25 6
P ART I
M Y R E M IN IS C E N C E S
( ) I
KNO W
I
not who p aints the pictures o n
memory s canvas ; but W hoever he may
’
be what he is painting are pictures ; by

,
which I mean that he is not there with his b ru sh

simply to make a faithful copy o f all that is hap
to his taste He makes many a big thing small

.
He has no compunction
‘
in putt i ng 1n t o thé b ackground that which was

‘
to the fore o r bringing to the front that which

,
was behind In short he is p ainting pictures

.
,
“ m
and not writing history

m
.
w '
Thu s o v er i fe g ci ii tw a r d as p ect passes the

i n a
series of events and W ithin is being painted a set

,
o f pictu res
. The two correspond but are not o n e .
We do not get the leisure to View thorou g hly

this studio within u s Portions of it now an d then
.
catch ou r eye b u t the greater part re mains o u t o f

,
sight in the darkness Why the ever busy paint e r .

-
is painting ; when he will have done ; for what

—
gall e ry his pictu res are d e stin e d who can tell ?
MY REMINISCENCES
S ome years ago on b e in g q u e stioned as to ,
the events of my past li fe I had occasion to pr y ,
into this picture chamber I had thought to be -

.
content with selecting some few mat e rials for

my L ife s story I then discovered as I opened
’
.
,
the door that L ife s memories are not L i f ef s

,
’
history but the original work of an unseen Artist

, ,
.
Th e vari e gated colours scattered about are n o t

reflections of outside lights but b e long to the ,
painter himself and come passion tinged from

,
-
his heart ; thereby u n fitt i n g the record on the

canvas for u s e as evidence in a court of law .
But though the attempt to gather p recise

history from memory s storehou se may be fruit ’
less there is a fascination in looking over the

,
pictures a fascination which cast its spell on

,
me .
The road over which we j ourney the wayside ,
shelter in which we pause are not pictures ,
—
while yet we travel they are too necessary to o ,
obviou s When however before turning into

.
, ,
the evening resthou se we look back u p on the ,
citi e s fiel d s rivers and hills which we have been

, ,
through in L ife s morning then in the light of the

’
, ,
passing day are they pictures i ndeed Thus

, .
,
when my opportunity came did I look back and , ,
was engrossed .
Was this interest aroused within me solely by

MY REMINISCENCES 3
a natu ral a ff e ction for my own past S ome per ?
sonal feeling of course there mu st have b e en

, , ,
but the pictures had also an inde p endent artistic

value o f their own There is no event in my rem
.
i n i s c e n ce s worthy of being preserved for all time .
But the quality o f the subj ect is not the only

j u stification for a record What one has truly .
fe lt if only it can be made sensible to others is

, ,
always of im p ortance to one s fellow men If ’

.
pictures which have taken shape in memory can

be brought out in words they are worth a place ,
in literature .
It is as litera ry material that I offer my mem

o ry pictures T o take them as an attempt at
.
autobiography would be a mistake In such a .
View these reminiscences would appear u seless as

well as incomplete .
( )
2 Tea chi n g B egi n :
We three boys were being brought u p together .
Both my companions were two years older than I .
When they were placed under their tutor my ,
teaching also began but o f what I learnt nothing

,
remains in my memory .
What constantly recurs to me is The rain

” 1
patters the leaf quivers
, I am j u st come to .
1
A j i ngli n g s en ten ce i n th e B en g a li Ch i ld s Pr i mer
’
.
4 MY REMINISCENCES
a n chor aft e r crossin g the stormy region of the

“
k a r a kh a la
,
1
series ; and I am reading The rain
patters the leaf quivers for me the first poem
, ,
o f the Arch P o e t . Whenever the joy o f that day

comes back to me , even now I realise why rhym e ,
is so needful in poetry Becaus e of it the words

.
com e to an e n d and yet end not ; the u ttera nc e is

,
ove r but not its rin g ; and the ear an d the mind
,
can go on and o n with their game of tossing the

rhyme to each oth e r Thus did the rain patter
.
and the leaves quiver again and again the live ,
long day in my consciousness .
Another e pisode of this period of my early

boyhood is h e ld fast in my mind .
We had an old cashi e r K a i la s h by nam e who

, ,
was like one of the family He was a great wit .

,
and would b e constantly cracking j okes with

everybody old and young ; recently married sons
,
n —
i law new comers into the family circle bein g
, ,
his special butts There was room for the sus

.
p i c i o n that his humou r had not deserted him

even afte r d e ath Onc e my e lders were engaged
.
i n an attempt to start a postal service with the

other world by means of a planchette At o n e .
o f the sittings the pencil scrawled o u t the nam e
of K a ila s h He was asked as to the sort o f life

.
one led W h e re h e was N o t a bit o f it was t h e

.
,
1
Ex i i tw yllab l
er c s es n o -s es .
6 MY REMINISCENCES
of his adventures on the way I felt I simply coul d ,
not stay at home Our tutor tried to dispel my

.
illusion with sound advice and a resounding slap :

go to school now , you ll have ’
”
to c ry a lot more to be let o ff later o n I have M ,
no recollection of the name features o r disposi ,
tion of this tutor of ours but th e 1mpres s i o n of

,
his weighty advice and weightier hand has not

yet fad e d N ever in my life have I heard a truer
.
prophecy .
M y crying drove me p rematurely into the

Oriental S eminary What I learnt there I have
.
no idea but one of its methods of punishment

,
I still bear in mind The boy who was u nabl e

.
to r e peat his lessons was made to stand on a b e nch

with arms ext e nded and o n his upturned palms
,
were piled a number of slates It is for ps yc h o lo .
gists to debate how far this method is likely to

conduce to a better grasp o f things I thu s began .
my schooling at an extre mely tender age .
M y initiation into literature had its origin at ,
the same time in the books which were in vo g ue

,
in the servants quarters Chief among th e se

’
.
were a Bengali translation of Ch a n a k ya s a ph o r ’
isms and the R amayana of K ri t t i v a s a

, .
A picture o f one day s reading of t h e R amayana

’
om e s clearly back to me .
The day was a cloudy one I was playin g .

a
R a bi nd ra na t h T go re i n 1 8 77
MY REMINI SCENCES 7
about in the long verandah overlookin g the 1
road All o f a sudden S atya for some reason I

.
,
d o not remember wanted to frighten me by ,

“
shouting P oliceman ! Policeman !
,
”
M y ideas
of the duties o f policemen were o f an extremely
vague desc r iption One thing I was certain about .
,
that a person charged with crime once placed in

a policeman s hands would as sure a s the wretch
’
,
caught in a crocodile s serrated grip go under ’

,
and be seen no more N o t knowing how an inno .
c e nt boy could escape this relentless penal code ,
I bolted towards the inner apartments with shud ,
ders ru nning down my back for blind fear of

pu rsuing policemen I broke to my mother the .
'
news of my impending doom but it did not seem ,
to disturb her much However not deeming it .

,
safe to venture o u t again I sat down o n the sill ,
o f my mother s door to read the dog c ared R ama

’
-
yana with a marbled paper cover which belonged

, ,
t o h e r old aunt Alongside stretched the verandah

.
runnin g round the fou r sides o f the open inner

quadran g le on which had fallen the faint after
,
noon glow of the clouded s ky and finding me ,
1
f d l ad
R oo e bal y Th w it fa mily h
co o n n e or i co n . e r er s
’
ou s e s a n
i g la th
r re u r t i d ma f b i ld i g wh i h h d g w w ith th
r ee- s o r e ss o u n s, c a ro n e
j i t fa mi ly it h lt d b i lt
o n sd e al
ere ty a d
, q ad u ro u n s ev e r co u r r s or u
ra n gl with l g
es , l a d a l g th
on t fa
co o n n d a w es on e o u er ces , a n n rro er
g a ll i i g
e r e s ru n n n d a h q a d a gl g i i g a
ro u n e t th
c i gl u r n e, v n c ce ss o e s n e
ro ws o f roo ms .
8 MY REMINISCENCES
weeping over o n e of its sorrowful situations my

great aunt came and too k away the book from me
-
.
(3 ) Wi th i n a nd Wi thou t
L uxu ry was a thing almost unknown in the
days of my infancy The standard of living wa s
.
then as a whole much more simple than it is

, ,
now A p art from that the children of o u r hou se

.
,
hold were entirely free from the fuss o f being to o

much looked after The fact is that while the
.
,
process of looking after may be an occasional

treat for the guardians to th e c hildren it is always
,
an unmitigated nuisance .
We used to be under the ru le o f the servants .
To save themselves trouble they had almost

suppressed o u r right o f free mov e ment But the .
freedom o f not being p etted made u p even for

the harshness of this bondage for ou r minds were ,
left clear of the toils of constant coddling p amper ,
ing and dressing u p

-
.
Our food had nothing to do with delicacies .
A list of o u r articles of clothing would only invite

the modern boy s scorn On no pretext did we
’
.
wear socks or shoes till we had passed ou r tenth

year In the cold weather a second cotton tunic
.
over the first one suffic e d It neve r e ntered our

.
heads to consider ourselves ill o ff for that reason -

.
MY R E M I N I S CEN C E S 9
It wa s only when o ld N i ya ma t the tailor would , ,
forget to p ut a p ocket into o n e o f our tunics that

we complained for no boy has yet been born so
,
poor as not to have the wherewithal to stu ff his

pockets ; nor by a merciful dispensation o f provi
,
dence is there mu ch difference between the wealth

,
o f boys o f rich and o f poor parentage We u sed to .
have a pair o f slippers each but not always where

,
we had o u r feet Our habit o f kicking the sli pp ers

.
o n ahead ,
and catching them u p again made ,
them work none the less hard through effectually ,
defeating at every ste p the reason o f their being .
Our elders were in every way at a great dis

tance from u s in their dress and food living and
, ,
doing conversation and amusement We caught

, .
glimpses of these but they were beyond o u r reach

, .
E lders have become chea p to modern children ;

they are to o readily accessible and so are all ,
obj ects o f desire N othing ever came so easily

.
to u s M any a trivial thing was for us a rarity

.
,
and we lived mostly in the h O pe o f attaining when ,
we were old enough the things which the distant

,
future held in tru st for u s The result was that

.
what little we did get we enj oyed to the utmost ;

from s kin to core noth ing was thrown away The .
modern child o f a well to do family nibbles at

- -
only half the things he gets ; the greater p art of

his world is wasted o n him .
MY REMINISCENCES
Our days were spent in the servants quarters ’
in the south east corner o f the outer apartm e nts

-
.
One of our servants was S hyam a dark chubby

,
boy with curly locks hailing from the D istrict

,
o f Khulna . He would put me into a selected

spot and tracing a chalk line all round warn
, ,
me with solemn face and uplifted finger o f

the perils of transgressing this ring Wh e ther .
the threatened da ng e r was material o r spiritual

I never fully understood but a great fear used
,
to possess me I had read in the R amayana o f

.
the tribulations o f S ita for having left the ring

drawn by L akshman so it was no t p ossible for
,
me to be sc e ptical o f its potency .
Just below the window o f this room was a

tank with a flight o f masonry steps leading
down into the water ; on its west bank along the ,
garden wall an immense banyan tree ; to the

,
south a fringe of cocoanut p al ms R inged round

.
as I was near this window I would s p end the whole

day p eering through the drawn venetian shutters ,
gazing and gazing on this scene as on a pictu re

book F rom early morning o u r neighbou rs would
.
drop in one by o n e to have their bath I knew .
the t 1me for each one to arrive I was familiar

.
with the peculiarities o f each one s toilet One

-
’
.
would stop u p his e ars with his fingers as he took

his regulation numb e r o f clips after which he
,
12 MY REMINISCENCES
o ws u nder the banyan tree S ome of its aerial

.
roots creeping down along its trunk had formed

, ,
a dark complication of coils at its base It seemed .
as if into this mysterious region the laws o f the

universe had not found entrance ; as if some o ld
world dream land had esca p ed the divine vigilance
-
and lingered o n into the light o f modern day .
Whom I u sed to see there and what those beings

,
did it is not possible to express in intelligible

,
language It was about this banyan tree that I

.
wrote later
With ta n gl ed ro o t s h a n gi n g d o w n fro m y o u r b r a n che s,
O a n c i en t b a n y a n t r e e
,
Yo u s ta n d s till d a y a n d n igh t li k e a n a s ce t i c a t h i s
,
p en a n ces ,
D o yo u e v e r re me mb er th e c hil d w h o s e fa n c y pl a y e d
wi t h yo u r s ha d o w s ?
Alas ! that banyan tree is no more nor the pi e ce
,
o f water which served to mirror the maj estic
forest lord ! M any o f those who used to bathe

-
there have also followed into oblivion the shade

of the banyan tree And that boy grown older
.
, ,
i s counting the alternations o f light and darkness

which p enetrate the complexities with which the
roots he has thrown o ff o n all sides have encircl e d
him .
G oing out o f the hou se was forbidden to u s ,
in fact we had not even the freedom of all its

MY REMINISCENCES 13
parts We p erforce took o u r pee p s at natu re

.
from behind the barriers B eyond my reach .
there was this limitless thing called the Outside ,
of which flashes and sounds and scents u s e d

momentarily to come and touch me through its
interstices It seemed to want to play with me
.
through the bars with so many gestu res But it .
—
was free and I was bound there was no way
of meeting So the attraction was all the stron g er
. .
The chalk line has been wiped away to day but -

,
the confining ring is still there The distant is .
j ust as dista n t the outside is still beyond me ;

,
and I am reminded o f the poem I wrote when I

was older :
Th e ta me b ird wa s in a cage , th e f ree b i rd wa s in th e
f o res t ,
T h e y me t wh e n t h e ti me c a me it wa s a d ec ree o f fate
,
.
“ ”
T h e f ree b i r d c ri es O my l o v e le t u s fl y to wo o d
’
.
, ,
“
T h e ca ge b ir d whi s pe r s Co me hith er let u s b o t h
, ,
l i v e i n t h e c a ge .
S a y s th e free b i rd Amo n g b a rs wh e re i s th ere roo m

, ,
”
t o s pr e a d o n e s w i n g s ?
’
“
Ala s , c ri e s t h e c a g e b i r d I s h o u l d n o t k no w
wh ere to s i t perch ed i n th e s ky .
The p ara p ets o f o u r terraced roofs w e re higher

than my head When I had grown taller ; when
.
t h e tyranny o f the servants had r e laxed ; when ,
with the coming o f a newly married bride into

14 MY R EMINI SCENCES
th e house I had achieved some recognition as a

,
companion of her l e isure then did I sometim e s ,
come u p to the terrac e in the middle of the da y . .
By that time everybod y in the hou se would have

finished their meal ; there would be an interval
in the business of the hou sehold ; over the inner
apartments would rest the quiet o f the midday
siesta ; the wet bathing clothes would be hanging
ov e r the parapets to dry ; the crows would be pick
ing at t h e leavings thrown o n the refu se heap at
t h e corner of the yard ; in the solitude of that
interval the cag e d bird would through the gaps ,
in the parapet commune bill to bill with the

,
fre e bird !
I would stand and gaze M y glance first .
falls o n the row o f cocoanut trees on the fu rther

edge of o u r inner garden Through these are seen .
“ ”
the S i n gh i s G arden with its cluster of huts
’ 1
and tank and on the edge of the tank the dairy

,
of o u r mi lk wo ma n Tara ; still further o n mixed

, ,
up with the tree tops the variou s shapes and -

,
diff erent heights o f t h e terraced roofs o f Calcutta ,
flashing back the blazing whiteness o f the midday

s u n stretch right away into the grayish blu e of the
,
eastern horizon And some of these far distant

.
1
B t
Th es e ttl m t
u s ees o r se i ti g
e en s co n s s n o f t mbl d w h
u e o n o v els ,
exi ti g i d b y i d w ith p a latia l b ild i g

s n s e s e u n s , a re s till f th a
o ne o e no m
a li f C a l tta T
es o cu . r.
Th e Inner Ga d
r en wa s My P a ad i
r se
MY REMINISCENCES 15
dwellings from which stand forth their roofed stair

ways leading u p to the terrace look a s if with u p
,
lifted finger and a wink they are hinting t ome o f

the mysteries of their interiors L ike the beggar at
.
the palace door who imagines impossible treasures

t o be held in the strong rooms closed to him I can ,
hardly tell o f the wealth of play and freedom

which these unknown dwellings seem to me
crowded with F rom the furthest depth o f the
.
sky full of burning sunshine overhead the thin

shrill cry o f a kite reaches my ear ; and from the
lane adjoining S i n gh i s G arden comes u p past
’
,
the houses sil e nt in their noonday slumber the ,
- —
sing song o f the bangle seller ch a i ch oor i ch a i
-
and my whole being would fly away from the

work a day world
- -
.
M y father hardly ever stayed at home he wa s ,
constantly roaming about H is rooms o n the

.
third storey used to remain shut U p I would .
p ass my hands through the venetian shutters ,
and thus O pening the latch get the door o p en and ,
spend the afternoon lying motionless o n his sofa

at the south end F irst o f all it was a room a l
.
ways closed and then there was the stolen e ntry

, ,
this gave it a deep flavour o f mystery ; further

the b road empty expanse of terrace to the south ,
glowing in the rays o f the sun would set me day

dreamin g .
16 MY REMINI SCENCES
There was yet another attraction The water .
works had j ust been started i n Calcutta and in ,
the first exuberance of its triumphant entry it did

not stint even the Indian qu arters o f their supply .
In that golden age o f pipe water it u sed to flow ,
even u p to my fath e r s third storey rooms And

’
.
tu rning o n the shower tap I would indulge to my

heart s content in an untimely b ath No t so
’
.
much for the comfort o f it as to give rein to my

,
desire to do j u st a s I fancied The alternation of

.
the joy of liberty and the fear o f being caught

, ,
made that shower o f munici p al water send arrows

o f delight thrilling into me .
It was p erhaps becau se the possibility o f contact

with the outside was so remote that the joy of it
came to me so much more readily When material .
is in profusion the mind gets lazy and leaves every

,
thing to it forgetting that for a s u ccessful feast

,
o f j oy its internal equipment counts f o r more
than the external This is the chief lesson which

.
his infant state has to teach to man There his .
possessions are few and trivial yet he n eeds no ,
more for his hap p iness The w orld o f play is

“
spoilt f o r the unfortunate youngster who is

bu rdened with an unli mited quantity o f p lay
things .
T o call o u r inner garden a garden is to say a

deal too much It s properties consisted of a
.
18 MY REMINISCENCES
of the E astern garden wall from below the trem

bling tass e ls of the cocoanut p alms .
There is anoth e r piec e o f vacant land to the

north o f the house which to this day w e call the
g o l a b a r i ( barn house ) The name
. shows that in
some remote past this must have been the p lac e
where the year s store o f grain u sed to be kept
’
in a barn Then as with brother and sister in

.
,
infancy the liken e ss between town and country

,
was visible all over No w the family resemblance

.
can hardly be traced This gola ba r i would be

.
my holiday haunt if I got the chance It would .
hardly be correct to say that I went there to

—
play i t was the place not play which dr e w me , .
Why this was so is di ff icult to tell P erhaps its

, .
being a deserted bit o f waste land lying in an

o u t o f the way corner gave it its charm for me
- - -
.
It was entirely outside the living quarters and

-
bore no stamp of usefulness ; moreover it was as

unadorned as it was u sel e ss for no one had ever ,
planted anything there ; it was doubtless for these

r e asons that this des e rt spot offered no resistance
to the free play of the boy s imagination When ’
.
ever I got any loop hole to evade the vigilance

-
o f my warders and could contrive to reach the
r t I felt I had a holiday indeed

'
g o la ba .
There was yet another plac e in our house which

I have e ven yet not succe e ded in finding out .
MY REMINISCENCES 19
A little g irl playmate of my own age called this

“ ” 1 “ ”
the King s palace
’
I have j ust been there
.
,
she would sometimes tell me But somehow the .
propitious moment never turned up when she

could take me along with her That was a wonder .
ful place and its playthings were as wonderful

,
a s the games that w e re played there It seemed .
—
to me it must b e som e where very near p erhaps
in the first or second storey ; the only thing was
o n e never seemed to be able to get there How .
“
often have I asked my companion Only tell ,
”
me is it really inside the house o r outside ?
,
And she would always reply N o no it s in this , , ,

’
” “
very hou s e . I would sit and wonder : Where
then can it be D on t I know all the rooms of
? ’
”
the house ? Who the king might be I neve r
cared to inquire ; where his palace is still remains
—
undiscovered ; this much was clear the king s ’
p alace was within o u r house .
Looking back on C hildhood s days the thing

’
that recurs most often is the mystery which u sed

to fill both life a nd world Something undreamt.
o f wa s lurking everywh e re and the uppermost
question every day was : when Oh ! when woul d ,
we come across it It was as if natu re held some

?
thing in her clos e d hands and was smilingly ask

“ ”
ing u s : What d yo u think I have ?
’
What was
C 1
p d i g t W d la d
o rr e s on n o
“
on er n .
20 MY REMINISCENCES
impossible for her to have was the thing we had

no idea of .
We ll do I rememb e r the cu stard appl e se e d

which I had planted and kept in a corn e r of the
south verandah and u sed to water every day The
, .
thought that the seed might possibly grow into a

tree kept me in a great state of fluttering wonder .
Cu stard apple seeds still have t h e habit of sprout

ing but no longer to the accompaniment of that
,
feeling of wonder The fault is not in t h e cu stard

.
apple but in the mind We had once stolen some

.
rocks from an eld e r cousin s rockery and sta rted a ’
little rockery o f ou r own The plants which we .
sowed in its interstices were cared for so ex ce s

s i v e ly that it was only becau se o f their veg e table
nature that they managed to put u p with it till

th e ir untimely death Words cannot recount
.
the e ndl e ss j oy and wonder which this miniature

mountain top held for u s We had no doubt that
-
.
this creation of ours would be a wo n d e rful thing

to our elders also The day that we sought to
.
put this to the p roof however the hillock in, ,
the c o rner o f o u r room with all its rocks and all

, ,
its ve getation vanished The knowledge that

, .
the schoolroom floor was not a p rop e r foundation

for t h e erection of a mountain was imparte d so
rudely and with such suddenness that it gav e u s
, ,
a considerable shock The w e ight of ston e of

.
MY R E MINISCENCES 21
which the floor was relieved settled o n o u r mind s

when we realised the gulf betwee n o u r fancies
and the will o f o u r elders .
H o w intimately did the life o f the world th rob

for u s in those days ! E a rth water foliage and
, ,
sky they all s p oke to u s and would not be dis

,
regarded H o w often were we stru ck by the

.
poignant regret that we could only see the upper

storey o f the earth and knew nothing o f its inner
storey All o u r planning was a s to h o w we could
.
p ry beneath its dust colou red cover If thought

-
.
,
we we could drive in bamboo after bamboo o n e

, ,
over the other we might perhap s get into some

,
so rt o f touch with its inmost depths .
D uring the M a gh festival a series o f wooden

pillars u sed to be planted round the outer cou rt
yard for sup p orting the chandeliers Digging
.
holes for these would begin o n the fi rst o f M a gh .
The pre p arations f o r festivity are ever interesting

to young folk But this digging had a special
.
attraction for me Though I had watched it

—
.
done year after year and seen the hole grow

bigger and bigger till the digger had completely
disap p eared inside and yet nothing extraordinary
, ,
nothing worthy o f the quest o f prince or knight ,
had ever a pp eared yet every time I had the feel

-
ing that the lid being lifted o ff a chest of mystery .
I felt that a little bit more digging would do it .

22 MY R E M I N I S C EN C E S
Y ea r after year p assed but that bit never got done

, .
Th e re was a p ull at the curtain but it was no t

drawn The elders thought I can do whatever
.
, ,
th ey please why do they rest content with such

,
shallow delving ? If we young folk had the order

-
ing of it the inmost mystery of the earth would

,
no longer be allowed to remain smothere d i n i ts

dust covering .
And the thought that behind every p art o f th e

vault o f blu e repos e d the mysterie s o f the sky
would also spu r ou r imaginings When o u r .
Pundit in illustration o f some lesson in o u r Ben

,
gali science primer told u s that the blue sphere

,
was not an enclosure how thunderstruck we ,

“ ”
were ! Put ladder upon ladder said he and , ,
go o n mounting away but you will never bum p

,
”
you r head He must be sparing o f his ladders
.
,
I opined and questioned with a rising inflection

, ,
And what if we put more ladders and more , ,

”
and more ? When I realised that it was fruitl e ss
multiplying ladders I remained dumbfounded
ponderin g over the matter S urely I concluded .
, ,
s U c h an astoun d ing piec e of news mu st be known
only to those who are the world s schoolmasters ! ’

PAR T
MY REMINISCENCES
outcry to thos e who caused it ; moreover it wa s ,
lik e ly to have unpleasant consequences .
I now sometimes wonder why such cruel treat

ment was meted out to u s by the servants I .
cannot admit that there was on the whole any

thing i n our behaviour or demeanou r to have put
u s b e yond t h e pal e o f human kindness .The real
reason mu st have been that the whole of ou r b u r
den was thrown o n the se r vants and the whole
,
bu rden is a thing di ffi cult to bear even for those

who are nearest and dearest If children a re only
.
allowed to be children to run and play about and

,
satisfy their curiosity it becomes quite simple

, .
Insoluble problems are only created if you try to

confine them inside keep them still o r hamper
,
their play Then does the burden o f the child so

.
,
lightly borne by its own childishness fall heavily

,
o n the gu a r di a n
l —like that o f the horse in the fable
which was carried instead o f being allowed to trot
o n its o w n legs : and though money procu red bearers
even for such a burden it could not prevent them

taking it o u t o f the unlucky beast at every step .
Of most o f these tyrants o f our childhood I r e

member only their cu fli n gs and boxings and noth ,
ing more Only o n e p ersonality stands o u t in my

.
memory .
His name was Iswar He had been a village

.
schoolmaster before He was a prim proper and

.
,
MY REMINISCENCES 27
sedately dignifi e d p ersonage The E arth seemed

.
t oo earthy f o r him with too little water to kee p it

,
su ff iciently clean ; so that he had to be in a co n

stant state of warfare with its chronic soiled state .
He would shoot his water pot into the tank with

-
a lightning movement so as to get his su pp ly from

a n uncontaminated depth It was he who when
.
,
bathing in the tank would be continually thrusting

,
away t h e su rface impurities till he took a sudden

plunge exp e cting as it were to catch the water
, ,
unawares When walking his right arm stood o u t

.
at an angl e from his body as if so it seemed to u s

, , ,
h e could not tru st the cleanliness even o f his o w n

garments His whole bea ring had the a p pearance
.
o f an effort t o keep clear o f the imperfections
which through unguarded avenues fi nd entrance

, ,
into earth water and air and into the ways of

, ,
men U nfathomable was the depth o f his gravity

. .
With head slightly tilted he would mince his care

fully selected words in a deep voice His litera ry .
diction would give food for merriment to o u r elders

b e hind his back some o f his high fl o wn phrases
,
-
finding a perm anent place in o u r family repertoire

o f W itticisms But I doubt whether the expres
.
sions h e u sed would sound as remarkable to day ; -
showing how the literary and spoken languages ,
which used to be as sky from earth asunder are ,
now coming n e arer each oth e r .

28
‘
MY R EMINISCENCES
This erstwhile schoolmaster had discovered a

way of keepin g us qui e t in the evenings E very .
evening he would gather u s round the cracked

castor o i l lamp and read out to u s stories from the
-
R amayana and M ahabharata S ome o f the other .
servants would also come and join the audience .
The lamp would be throwing huge shadows right

u p to the beams of the roof the little house lizards ,
catching insects o n the walls the bats doing a mad ,
dervish dance round and round the verandahs

outside and we listening in silent open mouthed
,
-
wonder .
I still remember o n the evening we came to the

,
story o f Kusha and L ava and those two valiant ,
lads were threatening to humble to the du st the

renown o f their father and uncles how the tense ,
silence o f that dimly lighted room was bursting

with eager anti cipation It was getting late our .
,
pre scribed p e riod of wakefulness was drawing to a

close and yet the d é nouement was far o ff
, .
At this critical j unctu re my father s o ld follower ’
Kishori came to the rescu e and finished the episode ,
f or u s at express speed to the quickstep o f Dasu

, ,
raya s j ingling verses The impression o f the soft

’
.
1
slow chant o f K ri t ti v a s a s fourteen syllabled ’
-
measure was swept clean away and we were left

1
Th ere a re i n nu mer ab le ren d er i n gs o f th e R a ma y a n a i n th e In d ia n
MY R EMINISCENCES 29
overwhelmed by a flood o f rhymes and a lli te ra

tions .
On some occasions these readings would give

rise to s h a s t r i c discu ssions which would at length
,
be settled by the depth o f Is w a r s wise pronounce ’
ments Though as o ne o f the children s servants

.
,
’
,
his rank in o u r domestic society was below that of

many yet as with o ld G randfather B h i s ma in the
, ,
M ahabharata his supremacy would assert itself

,
from his seat below his j uniors .
Our grave and reverend servitor had o ne weak

ness to which for the sake o f historical accu racy
, ,
I feel bound to allude H e used to take opium. .
This created a craving for rich food So that when .
he b rought u s ou r morning goblets of milk t h e

forces o f attraction in hi s mind would be greater
than those of repulsion If we gave the least ex .
pression to o u r natural re p ugnance f o r this meal ,
no sense o f responsibility for o u r health could

prompt him to press it o n u s a second time .
Iswar also held somewhat narrow views a s to

o u r ca p acity for solid nou rishment We would sit .
do w n to o u r evening repast and a quantity o f

lu chi r 1
heaped on a thick round wooden tray
would be placed before us He would begin by .
gingerly dropping a few o n each platter from a ,
1
A k i n d o f c ri s p unsweetened p a nca ke ta ken li ke b rea d a lo n g with
th e o th er cou r s e s .
30 MY R EMINISCENCES
su ffi cient hei g ht to safeguard himself from con

t a mi n a ti o n
l —
like unwilling favou rs wrested from ,
the gods by dint o f importunity did they descend , ,
so dexterously inhospitable was he N ext would

b
.
come the i n q u i ry w h e th er he should give us any

more I knew the reply which would be most
.
gratifying and could not bring myself to deprive

,
him by asking for another help .
Then again Iswar was entru sted with a daily

allowance o f money f o r p rocuring o u r afternoon
light refreshment He would ask u s every morning
.
what we should like to have We knew that to .
mention the cheap e st would be accounted best so ,
sometimes we ord e red a light refection of pu ff ed

rice and at others an indigestible one of boiled
,
g ram o r roasted groundnuts It was evident that .
Iswar was not as painstakingly punctiliou s in r e

gard to ou r diet as with the s h a s t r i c proprieties .
(5 ) Th e N or ma l S ch ool
While at the Oriental S eminary I had discovered

a way out of the degradation of being a mere
pupil I had started a class of my o w n in a corner
.
o f our verandah The wooden bars o f the railin g

.
1
F d wh i l b i g at
oo e e n e t il
e n , a n d u e ns s or a y th i g
n n els e t d by
o u ch e
th e ha d n ga g d i
en e n co n ve yi g f d t
n oo o th m th
e ou , a re co ns id d ere
cere m ia lly
on l a
unc e n.
MY R EMINIS CE NCES 3 1
were my p u p ils and I would act the schoolmaste r

, ,
cane in hand seated o n a chair in front o f them

, .
I had decided which were the good boys and which

—
the bad nay further I could distinguish clearly
, ,
the quiet from the naughty the clever from the

,
stupid The bad rails had su ffered so much from

.
my constant caning that they must have longed to

g ive u p the ghost had th ey been alive And the .
more scarred they got with my strokes the worse

they angered me till I knew not how to punish
—
,
them enough N one remain to bear witness to day

.
how tremendously I tyrannised over that p oor

dumb class o f mine M y wooden pupils have since
.
been replaced by cast iron railings nor have any

-
,
of the new generation taken up their education in

—
the same way they could never have made th e
same impression .
I have since realised h ow mu ch easier it is to

acquire the manner than the matter Without an .
effort had I assimilat e d all the im p atience the ,
short temper the partiality and the inj ustice dis

,
played by my teachers to the exclusion of the rest

of their teaching M y only consolation is that I
.
had not t h e power o f venting these barbarities on

any sentient creatu re N evertheless the difference
.
between my wooden pupils and those of the S e m

i n a ry did not prevent my psychology from being
identical with that of its schoolmasters .
I could not have been long at the Oriental S em

i n a ry for I was still of tender age when I joined
,
the N ormal S chool The only one of its features

.
which I remember is that before the classes began

all the boys had to sit in a row in the gallery and
go through some kind o f singing or chanting o f
—
verses evidently an attempt at introducing an
element o f cheerfulness into the daily routine .
U nfortunately the words were E nglish and the

tune quite as foreign so that we had not the faint
,
est notion what sort o f incantation we were pra e

t i s i n g ; neither did the meaningless monotony of
the p erformance tend to make u s cheerful This .
failed to disturb the serene self satisfaction of the

-
school authorities at having provided such a treat ;

they deemed it superfluou s to 1n q u 1re 1 nto the
practical eff ect of their bounty ; they would prob
ably have counted it a crime for the boys not to
be dutifully hap p y Anyhow they rested content
.
with taking the song as they found it words and ,
all from the self same E nglish book which had

,
-
furnished the theory .
The language into which this E nglish resolved

itself in o u r mouths cannot but be edifying to
philologists I can recall only o n e line
.
K a llo/eee pu llohee r i n gi ll mella li n g mella li n g mel
After much thought I have been able to gues s

34 MY R EMINI S CENCES
their lessons comes back to me even now If I

, .
could properly train u p a number o f dogs tigers ,
and other ferocious beasts and pu t a few lines o f

,
these o n the fi eld o f battle that I thought would

, , ,
serve very well a s an ins p iriting p relude With .
o u r personal prowess let loo se thereafter victory ,
should by no means be out o f reach And as the .

,
pictu re o f this wonderfully simple strategy waxed

vivid in my imagination the victory o f my side
,
became assured beyond doubt .
While work had not yet come into my life I

always found it easy to devise short cuts to achieve
ment ; since I have been working I find that what
is hard is hard indeed and what is di fficult re
,
mains di ffi cult This of cou rse is less comforting ;

.
, ,
but nowhere near so bad as the discomfort o f trying

t o take shortcuts .
When at length a year o f that class had p assed ,
we were examined in Bengali by P andit M a d

h u s u d a n Va c h a s pa ti I got the largest number o f
.
marks o f all the boys The teacher complained to

.
the school authorities that there had been f a vo u ri t

i sm in my case S o I was examined a second time
.
,
with the superintendent o f the school seated beside

the examiner This time also I go t a to p place
.
, , .
MY R E MINISCENC E S 35
6
( ) Ver r i fica ti on
I could n o t have been more than eight years o ld

at the time Jyoti a son o f a niece o f my father s
.
,
’
,
was considerably older than I He had j ust gained

.
a n entrance into E nglish literature and would t e ,
cite Hamlet s soliloquy with great gusto Why he

’
.
s hould have taken it into his head to get a child ,
a s I was to write p oetry I cannot tell

,
One after .
n oon he sent for me to his room and asked me to ,
try and make up a verse ; after which he ex p lained

to me the constru ctio n o f th e pa ya r metre o f fou r
teen syllabl es .
I had u p to th en only seen p oems in p rinted

—
books no mistakes p enned through no sign to the ,
eye o f doubt o r trouble o r any human weakness I .
could not have dared even to i ma gine that any

eff ort of mine could p roduce such p oetry .
O ne day a t hief had been caught in o u r hou se .
Overp owered by curiosity yet in fear and trem

,
bling I ventured to the s p ot to take a peep at him

, .
I found he was j ust an ordinary man ! And when

he was somewhat roughly handled by o u r door
kee p er I felt a great p ity I h a d a simila r expe
.
ri c u ce with p oetry .
When after stringing together a few words at

,
my o wn sweet will I found them turned into a

,
36 MY R E MINISCENCES
p a ya rverse I felt I had no illusions left about the

glories o f poetising S o when poor P oetry is mis .
handled even now I feel a s unhappy as I did about

,
the thief M any a time have I been moved to

.
pity and yet been unable to restrain impatient

hands itching for the assault Thieves have .
scarcely su ff ered so much and from so many , .
The first feeling of awe once overcome there w a s

no holding me back I managed to get hold o f a .
blue paper manuscri p t book by the favou r o f o n e

-
o f the o ffi cers of ou r estate With my o wn hands .
I ruled it with pencil lines at not very regular i n ,
t e rv a ls and thereon I began to write verses in a

,
large childish scrawl .
L ike a young deer which butts here there and ,
everywhere with its newly s p routing horns I ,
made myself a nuisance with my budding p oetry .
M ore so my e lder brother whose pride in my

1
,
performance im p elled him to hunt about the hou se

f o r an audience .
I recollect how as the p air o f us one day were

, , ,
coming o u t o f the estate o ffices on the ground floor ,
after a conquering expedition against the officers ,

“
we came acros s the editor o f The N ational
Paper N a b a go pa l M itter who had j u st stepped
”
, ,
into the house M y brother tackled him without

.
1 Th e wr it er i s th e y g t
o u n es o f seven b the s
ro r . Th e s ixth b th
ro er
i s h ere m a te n .
MY REMINISCENCES 37
fu rther ado : L ook here N a b a go pa l Babu ! won t

,
’
”
y o u listen to a poem which R abi has written ?
The reading forthwith followed .
M y works had not a s yet become voluminous .
The p oet could carry all his eff usions about in his
pockets I was writer printer and publisher all in
.
, ,
o n e ; my brother as advertiser being my only col

, ,
league I had com p osed some verses o n The L otu s

.
which I recited to N a b a go pa l B abu then and there ,
at the foot o f the stairs in a voice pitched as high

,
“ ”
as my enthusiasm Well done ! said he with a
.
“
smile . But what is a dwi r epha 1
How I had go t hold o f this word I do n o t re

member The ordinary name would have fitted
.
the metre quite as well But this was the o n e .
word in the whole poem o n which I had pinned my

hopes It had doubtless duly impressed o u r o ffi
.
cers But curiously enough N a b a go pa l B abu did

.
—
not succumb to i t o n the contrary he smiled ! He
could not be an understanding man I felt su re I , .
never read poetry to him again I have since added .
many years to my age but have not been able to

improve u p on my test o f what does or does not
constitute u nderstanding in my hearer However .
N a b a go pa l B abu might smile the word d wi r eph a , ,
like a bee d ru nk with honey stu ck to its p lace .
unmoved .
Ob l t w d m
1
i gb
so e e or ea n n ee .
38 MY R EMINISCENCE S
( 7) Va r i ou s Lea r n i n g
One of the teachers of the N ormal S chool also

g ave u s private lessons at home His body was .
l e an his features dry his voice sharp He looked

, , .
like a cane incarnate His hou rs were from six to

.
half past nine in the morning With him ou r

- -
.
reading ranged from popular literary and science

readers in Bengali to the epic o f M egh n a d v a d h a .
M y third brother was very keen on imparting

to u s a variety of knowledge So at home we had .
to go through much more than what was required

by the school course We had to get u p before
.
dawn and clad in loin cloths begin with a bout or

,
-
,
two with a blind wrestler Without a pau se w e .
donned o u r tunics on ou r du sty bodi e s and started ,
o n our cou rses of literature math e matics geog , ,
r a ph y and history On o u r return from school

.
o u r drawing and gymnastic masters would be
ready for us In t h e evening Agh o r e Babu came

.
f o r ou r E nglish lessons It wa s only after nine

.
that we were free .
On S unday morning we had singing lessons with

Vishnu . Then almost every S unday came S ita
, ,
nath Dutta to give u s demonstrations in physical

science The last were o f great interest to me I
. .
remember distinctly the fe e lin g of wo nd e r which

MY RE MINI S CENCE S 39
fill e d me when he put some water with sawdust ,
in it o n the fire in a glass vessel and showed u s

, ,
how the lightened hot water cam e u p and the cold ,
wat e r w e nt down and how finally the water began

to boil I also felt a great elation the day I learnt
.
that water is a s eparable part of milk and that ,
milk thick e ns when boil e d becau se the water frees

its e lf as vapou r from the conn e xion S unday did .
not fe el S unday like unless S i t a n a th B abu turned

-
Up .
Th e re was also an hou r when we would be told

all about human bones by a p upil of the Campbell
M edical S chool for which purpose a sk e l e ton
, ,
with the bon e s fastened together by wires was

hung up in ou r schoolroom And fi nally time was
.
,
also found for P andit H e r a mb a T a tw a r a t n a to

come and get u s to learn by rote rules of S anscrit
grammar I am not sure which Of them the names
.
,
o f t h e bones o r the J u tr a r of t h e grammarian were ,
the more j aw breaking I think the latter took

-
.
the palm .
We began to learn E nglish after we had made

considerable progre ss in l e arning through the
m e dium o f Bengali Agh o re B abu o u r E nglish
.
,
tutor was attending the M edical College so he

, ,
came to teach u s in t h e evening .
Books tell u s that the discovery of fi re was o ne

o f t h e biggest discoveries o f man I do not wish
.
40 MY RE M INI S C E N C ES
to dis p ute this B u t I cannot help feeling h ow

.
fortunate the little birds are that their parent s

cannot light lamp s of an evening They have .
their language l e ssons early 1 n the morning and

you must have noticed how gleefully they
learn them Of cou rse w e mu st not for g et that
.
they do n o t have t o learn the E nglish lan

guage !
The health o f this medical student tutor o f ou rs
-
was so good that even the fervent and united wishes

o f his three pupils were not enough to cause his
absence even for a day Only once was he laid u p

.
with a broken head when o n the occasion of a

,
fight between the Indian and E urasian students

o f the M edical College a chair wa s thrown at him
, .
It was a regrettable occurrence ; nevertheless we

were not able to take it as a personal sorrow and ,
his recovery somehow seemed to u s needlessly

swift .
It is evening The rain is p ouring in lance like

.
-
showers Our lane is under knee de e p water The

.
-
.
tank has o ve rfl ow n into the garden and the bushy ,
tops o f the Bael trees are seen standing o u t over

the waters Our whole being o n this delightful
.
,
rainy evening is radiating rapture like the K a

,
d a mba flower its fragrant spikes The time for .
the arrival o f ou r tutor is over by j ust a few min

utes Y et there is no certainty
. We are .
4 2 MY R EMINISCENCES
moderately that he had to dismiss u s for that

evening He mu st have realised that he h e l d no
.
—
easy brief that to get us to p ronou nce in his
favou r would entail a contest ranging over y e ars .
A gh o r e B abu would som e tim e s try to bring t h e

zephyr of outside knowledge to play o n t h e ari d
routine o f our schoolroom O n e day he bro ught a
.
“
paper parcel o u t of his pocket and said : I ll ’
show you to— day a wonderful piece of work of the

”
C reator With this he u ntied the paper wrappin g
.
and producing a portion of the vocal organs of a

,
human being proceeded to exp ound the marvel s

,
o f its mechanism .
I can still call to mind the shock this gave me

at the time I had always thought the whole
.
—
man spoke had never even imagined that t h e
act o f speech could be vi ewed in this d e tach e d
way However wonderful the mechanism of a
.
part may be it is certainly less so than the whol e

,
man No t that I put it to myself in so many

.
words but that was the cau se of my d ismay It

, .
was perhaps becau se the tutor had lost sight o f

this truth that the pupil could not r e spond to t h e
enthu siasm with which he was discoursing on t h e
subj ect .
Another day he took us to the dissectin g room

o f the M e dical Coll e ge T h e body of an old
.
woman was stretched on the table This did not .

MY R EMINISCENCE S 43
disturb me so much But an amputated leg which

.
was lying on the floor upset me altogether To .
view man in this fra gmentary way seemed to me so

horrid so absurd that I could not get rid of the
,
impression of that dark unmeaning leg fo r many ,
a day .
After getting through P eary S a r k a r s first and ’
s e cond E nglish readers we e ntered upon M c Cu l

loch s Course of R eadin g Our bodies were weary
’
.
at the end o f the day our minds yearning for the

,
inner apartments the book was black and thick

,
with difficult words and the subj ect matter

,
-
could hardly have been more inviting for in ,
those days M other S a r a s w a t i s mat e rnal tender

,
1 ’
n e ss was not in evidence Children s books were .

’
not full of pictures then as they are n o w M ore .
over at the gateway of every reading lesson stood

,
sentinel an array of words with separated syllables , ,
and forbidding accent marks lik e fixed bayonets ,
barring the way to the infant mind I had r e .
p e a t e dly attacked their serri e d ranks in vain .
Our tutor would try to sham e us by recounting

the exploits o f some other brilliant p upil o f his .
We felt duly ashamed and also n o t well dis p osed

,
-
to wards that other pupil but this did not help ,
to d isp e l the darkness which clung to that black

volume .
G dd 1 f L a i g
o es s o e rn n .
Providence o u t o f pity for mankind has i n

, ,
stilled a s o po ri fic charm into all tedious things .
N o sooner did o u r E nglish lessons begin than our

heads began to no d S prinkling water into o u r .
eyes o r taking a ru n round the verandahs were

, ,
palliatives which had no lasting effect If by any .
chance my eldest brother happened to be passing

that way and caught a glimpse o f o u r slee p
,
tormented condition we would get let o ff for ,
the rest of the evening It did not take o u r d row s i.
ness another moment to get completely cured .
(8) M y F i rr t Ou ti n g
Once when the dengue fever was raging in

,
Calcutta some portion of o u r extensive family

,
had to take shelter in Chhatu B abu s river side ’

-
villa We w ere a mo n g them

‘
. .
This was my first outing The bank o f the .
G anges welcomed me into its lap like a friend of a

former birth There in front of the servants
.
,
’
quarters was a grove of gu ava trees ; and sitting

, ,
i n the verandah under the shade o f these gazing ,
at the flowing current through the gaps betw e en

their trunks my days would pass E very morn
, .
ing as I awoke I somehow felt the day coming

, ,
to me like a new gilt edged letter with some u m -

,
heard o f news awaiting me o n t h e O pening o f the

-
e nvelope And lest I should lose any fragment

.
,
o f it I would hurry through my toilet t o my chair

,
outside E very day there was the ebb and flow

.
o f the tide o n the G anges ; the variou s gait of s o
many di ff erent boats ; the shifting o f the shadows

o f the trees from west t o east ; and over the frin g e ,
of shade patches o f the woo ds o n the opposit e

-
bank the gush o f golden life blood through the

,
-
pierced breast o f the evening sky S ome days .
would be cloudy from early morning ; the opposite

woods black ; black shadows moving over the
river Then with a rush would come the v o ci f e r
.
o u s rain blotting out the horizon ; the dim line

,
o f the other bank taking its leave in tears : the
river swelling with suppressed heavings ; and

the moist wind making free with the foliage of
the trees overhead .
I felt that o u t o f the bowels Of wall beam and ,
rafter I had a new birth into the outside In

, .
making fresh acquaintance with things the dingy ,
covering o f petty habits seemed to drop o ff the

world I am sure that the sugar cane molasses
.
-
,
which I had with cold lu ch i r for my breakfast ,
could not have tasted d ifl e ren t from the ambrosia

which I n dr a quaffs in his heaven ; for the i m
1
,
mortality is not in the nectar but in the taster ,
and thu s is missed by those who seek it .
Th J p it Pl vi
1
e f H i d M y th l gy
u er u us o n u o o .
Behind the house was a walled i n enclosure -
with a tank and a flight of steps l e ading into the

water from a bathing platform On o n e side of .
the platform was an immense Jambolan tree ,
and all round were various fruit trees growing ,
in thick clusters in the shade of which the tank ,
nestl e d in its privacy The veiled beauty o f this .
retired little inner garden had a wonderful charm

for me so diff erent from the broad exp anse o f the
,
river bank in front It was like the bride o f the

-
.
house in the seclusion of her midday siesta rest

, ,
ing on a many coloured quilt of her own embroider

-
ing murmuring low t h e secrets of her h e art M any

,
.
a midday hour did I spend alone under that

Jambolan tree dreaming o f the fearsome king
1
dom o f the Ya k s h a s within the depths o f the
tank .
I had a grea t curiosity to see a Bengal village .
Its clusters of cottages its thatched pavilions its , ,
lanes and bathing plac e s its games and gather ,
ings its fields and markets its life as a whole as

, ,
I saw it in imagination greatly attracted me , .
Just such a village was right on the other side of

our garden wall but it was forbidden to us We,
.
had come out but not into freedom We had

, .
b e en in a ca g e and were now o n a perch but the

, ,
chain was still there .
1
Th Ki g f th Y k h
e ni t h Pl t
o f H i d M y t h l gy
e a s as s e u o o n u o o .
One morning two of our elders went o u t for a

stroll into the Village I could not restrain my
.
eagerness any longer and slippin g out u n pe r

, ,
c ei v ed,
followed them for some distance As I .
went along the deeply shaded lane with its close ,
thorny r eor a hedges by the side of the tank

,
covered with green water weeds I raptu rously ,
took in picture after picture I still rememb e r .
the man with bare body engaged in a belated ,
toilet on the edge o f the tank cleaning his teeth ,
with the chewed end of a twig S uddenly my .
elders became aware of my presence behind them .
“ ”
Get away get away go back at once !
, ,
they
scolded They were scandalised M y feet were
. .
bare I had no scarf o r upper robe over my tunic

,
-
,
I was not dressed fit to come out ; as if it was my

fault ! I never owned any socks or superfluou s
apparel so not only went back disappointed for
,
that morning but had no chance o f re pairing my

,
shortcomings and being allowed to come out any

other day However though the B eyond was
.
thus shut out from behind in front the G anges ,
freed me from all bondage and my mind when , ,
ever i t listed could embark on the boats gaily

,
sailing along and hie away to lands not named

,
in any geography .
This was forty years a go S ince then I have .
never set fo o t a g ain in that ch a mpa k shad e d villa -

garden The same o ld hou se and the same o ld

.
trees must still be there but I know it cannot a n y

,
—
longer be t h e same for where am I now to get
that fresh feeling o f wonder which made it what
it was ?
We returned to o u r Jo ra s a n ko house in town .
And my days were a s so many mouthfuls offered

Up to be gulped down into the yawning interior
o f the N ormal S chool .
(9 ) P ra cti s i n g P oetr y
That blue manuscript book was soon filled ,
like the hive of some insect with a network o f ,
variously slanting lines and the thick and thin

strokes o f letters The eager pressure o f the boy
.
writer soon crum p led its leaves ; and then the

edges got frayed and twisted Up claw like as if
,
-
to hold fast the writing within till at last down , ,

1
what river B a i ta r a n i I know not its pages were ,
swe p t away by merciful oblivion Anyhow they .
escaped the pangs o f a passage through the print

ing press and need fear no birth into this vale o f
woe .
I cannot cla 1m to have been a passive witness

o f the spread of my reputation as a p oet Though .
S a t k a ri B abu was not a teacher o f our class he

1
Co rres p o n d i n g to t
Le h e .
5 0 MY R EMINISCENCE S
be appreciated by those who were his pupils .
When I finished and handed him the verses next

day he took me to the high e st class and made
,
“ ”
me stand before the boys R ecite
. he com ,
ma n d e d And I recited loudly

. .
The only praiseworthy thing about this moral

poem was that it soon got lost Its moral c fl e c t
.
on that class was far from encouraging the —

sentiment it a roused being not one of regard for
its author M ost o f them were certain that it
.
was not my own composition One said he could

.
produce the book from which it was copied b u t ,
was not pressed to do so ; t h e process of provin g

is such a nuisance to those who want to b e li e ve .
F inally the number o f seekers aft e r poetic fame

began to increase alarmingly ; moreov e r their
methods were not those which are recognised
as roads to moral improvement .
N owadays there is nothing strange in a youngster

writing verses The glamour o f po e sy is gone
. .
I remember how the few women who wrote poetry

in those days were loo ked U pon as miraculou s
Creations of the D eity If o n e hears to day that
.
-
some young lady does not write poems o n e feels

sceptical P oetry now sprouts long before the
.
highest Bengali class is reached ; so that no modern

G obinda Babu would have taken any notice o f
the poetic exploit I have recounted .
PART III
( 10 ) S r i ka n th a B a bu
T this time I was blessed with a hearer the like

of whom I shall never get again He had so .
inordinate a capacity for being plea se d a s to

have Utterly disqualified him for the post of critic
in any o f o u r monthly R eviews The o ld man wa s
—
.
like a perfectly ripe Alfonso mango n o t a trace

o f acid or coarse fibre in his composition His .
tender clean shaven face was rounded o ff by an

-
all per vading baldness ; there was not the vestige

-
o f a tooth to worry the inside o f his mouth ; and
his big smiling eyes gleamed with a constant de

light When he spoke in his soft deep voice his
.
,
mouth and eyes and hands all spoke likewise .
He wa s of the o ld school of Persian cultu re and

knew not a word o f E nglish His inseparable
‘
companions were a b ubble bubble at his left and -

,
a s i ta r on his la p ; and from his throat flowed

song unceasing .
S ri k a n th a B abu had no need to wait for a formal

introduction for none could resist the natural
,
claims o f his genial heart Once he took u s to .
be photographed with him in some big E nglish

photographic studio There he so captivated the
.
proprietor with his artless story in a j umble o f ,
H i n d u s th a n i and Bengali of how he was a poo r

,
53
54 MY R E MINISCENCE S
man but badly wanted this particular photo

,
graph taken that the man smilingly allowed him

,
a reduced rate N o r did such bargaining sound

.
at all incongruous in that unbending E nglish

establishment so na i ve was S ri k a n th a B abu so
, ,
unconscious of any possibility o f giving off ence .
He would sometimes take me along to a E uro p ean

missionary s hou se There also with his playing
’
.
, ,
and singin g h i s caresses of the missionary s little

,
’
girl and his unstinted admiration o f the little

booted feet of the missionary s lady he would ’
,
enliven the gathering as no o n e else could have

d one. Another behaving so absurdly would have
been deemed a bore but his transparent simplicity
,
pleased all and drew them to j oin in his gaiety .
S ri k a n t h a B abu was imperviou s to ru deness

o r insolence . There was at the time a singer of
some repute retained in o u r establishment When .
the latter was the worse for liquor he would rail

at poor S ri k a n t h a Babu s singing in no very
’
choice terms This he would bear u n fl i n ch i n gly

.
,
with no attempt at retort When at last the man s

.
’
incorrigible rudeness brought about his dismissal

S ri k a n t h a B abu anxiou sly interceded for him .
”
It was not he it was the liquor he insisted
, , .
He could not bear to see anyone sorrowing o r

even to hear o f it So when any o n e o f the boys
.
wanted to torment him they had only to read

Th e Ga n ges
56 MY REMINI SCENCES
everyone s rooms and get me to sing it to them

’
.
I would sing and he would thrum an a cco mpa n i

ment on his s i ta r and when we came to the chorus
he would j oin in and re peat it over and over
,
again smiling and nodding his head at each one

,
in turn as if nudging them on to a more e n t h u

,
s i a s t i c appreciation .
He was a devoted admirer o f my father A .
“
hymn had been set to o n e o f his tunes F o r H e ,
”
is the heart o f o u r hearts . When he sang this
to my father S ri k a n t h a B abu got so excited that
he j umped Up from his seat and in alternation
“
violently twang e d his s i ta r as he san g : Fo r
”
He is the heart o f o u r hearts and then waved
his hand about my father s face a s he changed
’
“
the words to Fo r you are the heart o f our
”
hearts .
When the o ld man paid his last visit to my

father the latter himself bed ridden was at a
, ,
-
,
river side Villa in Chinsu rah S ri k a n th a B abu

-
.
,
stricken with his last illness could not rise u m

,
aided and had to push open his eyelids to see In .
this state tended by his daughter he j ourneyed

, ,
to Chinsurah from his place in B i rb h oo m With .
a great effort he managed to take the dust o f my

fath e r s feet and then return to his lodgings in
’
Chinsurah where he breathed his last a few days ,
later I heard afterwards from his daughter that

.
MY REMINISC E NCES 57
he went to his eternal youth with the song How

”
sweet is thy mercy L ord ! on his lips ,
.
( 11 ) Ou r B en ga li Cou rs e E n ds
At S chool we were then in the class below the

highest o n e At home we had advanced in Ben
.
gali much further than t h e subj ects taught in

the class We had been through Akshay D atta s
.
’
book o n Popular P hysics and had also finished ,
the epic of M egh n a dv a d h a We read o u r physics

.
without any reference to physical obj ects and s o

o u r knowledge o f the subj ect was correspondingly
bookish In fact the time spent on it had been

.
thoroughly wa sted ; much more so to my mind

than if it had been wasted in doing nothing The .
M egh n a d v a d h a also wa s not a thing of j oy to u s

, , .
The tastiest tit bit may not be relished when

-
thrown at one s head To employ an epic to teach

’
.
language is like using a sword to shave with

sad for the sword bad for the chin A poem, .
should be taught from the emotional stand p oint ;

inveigling it into service a s grammar c u m dic - -
t 1o n a ry is not calculated to pro p itiate the divine
S araswati .
All of a sudden ou r N ormal S chool career came

to an end ; and there by hangs a tale One o f o u r .
school teachers wanted to borrow a Copy o f my

5 8 MY REMINI SCENCES
grandfather s life by M itra from o u r library

’
.
M y nephew and classmate S atya managed to screw

u p courage enough to volunteer to mention this
to my father He came to the conclusion that

.
everyday Bengali would hardly do to approach

him with So he concocted and delivered himself
.
o f an archaic phrase with such meticulous pre
c i s i o n that my father must have felt our study
o f the Bengali language had gone a bit to o far
and was in danger of over reaching itself S o the

-
.
next morning when according to ou r wont ou r

,
table had been placed in the south verandah ,
the blackboard hung Up on a nail in the wall ,
and everything was in readiness f or our lessons

with N ilkamal B abu we three were sent for by
,
“
my father to his room U pstairs Y ou need not
.
”
do any more Bengali lessons he said Ou r mind s
, .
danced for very j oy .
N ilkamal Babu was waiting downstairs o u r ,
books were lying open on the table and the idea ,
o f getting u s once more to go through the M egh
n a d v a d h a doubtless still occupied his mind But .
a s on one s death bed the various routine o f daily

’
-
life seems unreal so in a moment did everything

, , , ,
from the P andit down to the nail o n which the

blackboard was hun g become for u s as empty
,
as a mirage Our sole trouble was how to give

.
this news to N ilkamal Babu with d u e decorum .

MY R EM INI SCENCES 59
We did it at last with considerable restraint ,
while the geom e trical figures o n the blackboard

stared at u s in wonder and the blank verse o f
the M egh n a d v a dh a looked blankly o n .
“
Ou r P andit s parting words were : At the call
’
o f duty I may have been sometimes harsh with
—
you do n o t kee p that in r e memb rance Yo u will .
l e arn the value o f what I have taught yo u later

”
on.
Indeed I have learnt that value It was b e .
cau se we were taught in o u r own language that

our minds quickened L earning should as fa r a s
.
possible follow the process o f eating When the .
taste begins from the first bite the stomach is

,
awakened to its function before it is loaded so ,
that its digestive j uices get full play N othing .
like this happens however when the Bengali

, ,
boy is taught in E nglish The first bite bids fair

.
—
to wrench loose both rows o f teeth like a veritabl e
earthqu ake in the mouth ! And by the time he
discovers that the morsel is not of the genu s stone ,
but a digestible bonbon half his allotted span o f

,
life is over While o n e is choking and splutt e ring

.
over the spelling and grammar the inside re,
mains starved and when at length the taste is

,
felt the appetite has vanished If the whole

,
.
mind does not work from the beginning its full

powers remain undeveloped to the end While .
all around wa s the cry for E nglish teaching my ,
third brother was b rav e e nough to ke ep u s to o u r

Bengali cou rse T o him in heaven my grateful
.
' '
I CV GI CII CC.
( 12 ) Th e P r of es s or
On leaving the N ormal S chool we were sent

to the Bengal Academy a E u rasian institution , .
We felt we had gained an access of dignity that ,
—
we had grown U p a t least into the first storey of
freedom In p oint of fact the only progres s we
.
made in that academy was towards freedom .
What we were taught there we never understood ,
nor did we make any attempt to learn nor did ,
it seem to make any difference to anybody that
—
we did not Th e boys here were annoying but
.
not disgu sting which was a great comfort They .
wrote A S S o n th eir palms and slapped it on to o u r

“ ”
backs with a cordial hello ! They gave u s a
dig in the ribs from behind and looked innocently
another way They dabbed banana pulp o n o u r
.
heads and made away unperceived N evertheless .
it was like coming o u t o f slime o n to rock w e —

were worried but not soiled .
This school had one great advantage for me .
N o o n e there cherished the forlorn hope that boys

of o u r sort could make any advance in learning .
It was a petty i n s ti tu t i o n w i th an insuffi cient

o
i ncome , so that we had one supreme merit in

—
the eyes o f its authorities we paid o u r fees
regularly This prevented even the L ati n G ram
.
mar from proving a stumbling block and the most ,
egregious o f blunders left o u r backs unscathed .
—
P ity for u s had nothing to do with i t the sch o ol
authorities had spok en to the teachers !
S till harmless though it was after all it wa s
, ,
a school The rooms were cruelly dismal with

.
their walls on guard like policemen The house .
was more like a pigeon holed box than a human -
habitation N o decoration no pictu res not a

.
, ,
touch of colour not a n attempt to attract the

.
boyish heart The fact that likes and dislikes

.
form a large part of the child mind was completely

ignored N aturally ou r whole being was depre ssed
.
a s we stepped through its doorway into the narrow

—
quadrangle and playing truant became chronic
with u s .
In this we found an accomplice M y elder .
brothers had a P ersian tutor We used to call .
him M unshi He was o f middle age and all skin

.
and bone a s though dark parchment had been

,
stretched over his skeleton without any filling

o f flesh and blood H e probably knew Persian
.
well his knowledge o f E nglish was quite fair

, ,
but in neither o f these directions lay his ambition .
His belief was that his proficiency in singlestick

was matched only by his skill in song H e would .
stand in the sun in the middle o f o u r cou rtyard

and go through a wonderful series of antics with
—
a sta ff his o wn shadow being his antagonist .
I need hardly add that his shadow never got the

better o f him and when at the end he gave a great
big shout and whacked it o n the head with a v i c
t o r i o u s smile , it lay submissively prone at his
feet His singing nasal and o u t o f tune soun d ed
.
, ,
like a gruesome mixture of groaning and moaning

coming from some ghost world -
. Our singing
“
master Vishnu would sometimes chaff h 1m : Lo ok
here M unshi you ll be taking the bread out of ou r
, ,
’
”
mouths at this rate ! To which his only reply
would be a disdainful smile .
This shows that the M unshi was amenable to

soft words ; and in fact whenever we wanted we
,
could persuad e him to write to the school a u

t h o ri t i es to excuse us from attendance .The school
authorities took no pains to scrutinis e these letters ,
they knew it would be all the same whether we

att ended o r n o t so far as educational results were
,
concerned .
I have now a school o f my o wn in which the

boys are U p to all kinds of mischief for boys ,
— ‘
will be mischievous and schoolm asters unforgiv
ing When any of u s are beset with undue u n
.
easiness at their conduct and are stirred into a

64 MY REM I NI S CENCE S
—
ink was that a sli g ht thin g ? To stand unscreen e d
yet unabashed self confess e d b e fore the world
,
-
,
how could o n e withhold belief in the face o f such

su p reme self co n fid en ce ? I remember how once
-
I got the types for the letters o f my name from

some printing press and what a memorable thing
,
it seemed when I inked and pressed them o n

paper and found my name imprinted .
We u sed to give a lift in o u r carriage to this

schoolfellow and author fr1end of ours This le d
-
.
to Visiting terms He was also great at theatricals

. .
With his help w e ere cted a stage o n o u r wrestlin g

ground with painted paper stre tched over a split
bamboo framework But a peremptory negative
.
from Upstairs prevented any play from being

acted thereon .
A comedy o f errors was however played later

o n W ithout a n y stage at all The author o f this
.
has already been introduced to the read e r in th e s e

pages He was none other than my nephew
.
S atya .Those who behold his present calm and

sedate dem e anou r would be shocked to learn o f
the tricks of which he was the originator .
The event of which I am writing hap p ened

sometime afterwards when I was twelve o r thir
teen Our magician friend had told of so many
.
stran ge prop e rties of things that I was consum e d

with curiosit y to see them for myself But the .
MY REMINISCENCES 65
materials o f which he spoke were invariably s o

rare o r distant that o n e could hardly hope to get
hold o f them without the help o f S indbad the sailor .
Once as it happened the Professor forgot him

, ,
self so far as to mention accessible things Who .
could ever believe that a seed dip p ed and dried

twenty o ne times in the j uice o f a species o f cactus
-
would sprout and flower and fruit all in the space

o f an hour ? I was determined to test this not ,
daring withal to doubt the assurance o f a P r o f e s

sor whose name appeared in a printed book .
I got o u r gardener to furnish me with a plentiful

supply o f the milky j uice and betook myself o n
, ,
a S unday afternoon to o u r mystic nook in a

,
corner o f the roof terrace to exp eriment with ,
the stone o f a mango I was wrapt in my task o f

—
.
dipping and drying but the grown u p reader will -
probably not wait to ask me the result In the .
meantime I little knew that S atya in another

, ,
corner had in the space o f an hou r caused to root

, , ,
and s p rout a mystical plant o f his o wn creation .
This wa s to bear curiou s fruit later o n .
After the day o f this experiment the Professor

rather avoided me as I gradually came to per
,
c ei v e
. He would n o t sit o n the same side in the
carriage and altogether seemed to fight shy o f me
,
.
One day all of a sudden he proposed that

, ,
each one in turn should j ump o ff the bench in

66 MY RE MINISCENCES
our schoolroom He wanted to observe the dif

.
f e ren c e s in style h e said

,
S uch scientific curiosity
.
did not ap p ear queer in a professor of magic .
E veryone j umped so did I ,

He shook his head
.
with a subdued h m “ ’
No amount o f per
.
suasion could draw anything further o u t o f

him .
Another day he informed u s that some good

friends o f his wanted to make our acquaintance
and asked u s to accompany him to their house .
Our guardians had no obj ection so off we went , .
The crowd in the room seemed full of curiosity .
They expressed their eagerness to hear me sing .
I sang a song or two M ere child as I was I could

.
“
hardly have bellowed like a bull ! uite a sweet
.
”
voice they all agreed
, .
When refreshments were p ut before u s they sat

round and watched u s eat I was bashful by .
nature and not u sed to strange company ; more

over the habit I acquired during the attendance
o f o u r servant Iswar left me a p oor eater for good .
They all seemed impressed with the delicacy of

my appetite .
In the fifth act I go t some cu riously warm letters

from o u r P rofessor which revealed the whole
s ituation . And here let the curtain fall .
I subsequently learnt from S atya that while

I had been practising ma g ic on the man go seed ,
MY REM INI SCENCES 67
he had successfully convinced the P rofessor that

I was dressed as a b o y by o u r guardians merely
f o r getting me a better schooling but that really
,
this was only a disguise To those wh o are cu riou s

.
in regard to imagina ry science I should explain

that a girl is supposed to j ump with her left foo t
forward and this is what I had done o n the occ a
,
sion o f the P rofessor s trial I little realised at

’
.
the time what a tremendously false ste p mine

had been !
( 1 3 ) M y F a ther
S hortly after my birth my father took to co n

s t a n t ly travelling about S o it is no exaggeration
.
to say that in my early childhood I hardly kn ew

him H e would n ow and then come back home all
.
o f a sudden ,
and with him came foreign servants
with whom I felt extremely eager to make friends .
O nce th ere came in this way a young Panj abi

servant named L enU The cordiality o f the r e
.
cepti o n he go t from u s would have been worthy o f
R anj it S ingh himself No t only was he a foreigner

.
,
but a Panj abi to b oot what wonder he stole o u r

,
-
hearts away ?
We had the same reverence f o r the whole Pan
j abi nation as for Bhima and Arj una o f the M ahab
harata They were warriors ; and if they had some
.
times fought and lost that was clearly the enemy s

,
’
fault It was gloriou s to have L enu o f the Panj ab

.
, ,
in o u r very home .
M y sister i n law had a model war shi p under a

- - -
glass case which ,when wound u p rocked o n blue

, ,
painted silken waves to the tinkling of a mu sical

box I would beg hard for the loan o f this to dis
.
p lay its marvels to the admiring L enu .
Caged in the hou se as we were anything savour ,
ing of foreign parts had a peculiar charm f o r me .
This was o n e of the reasons why I made so much

o f L enu This was also the reason why G abriel
.
,
the Jew with his embroidered gaberdine who

, ,
came to sell a tta rs and scented oils stirred me so ; ,
and the huge Kabulis with their du sty baggy , ,
trous e rs and knapsacks and bundles wrought on ,
my young mind a fearful fascination .
Anyhow when my father came we would be

, ,
content with wandering round about his entou rage

and in the company o f his servants We did n o t .
reach his immediate presence .
Once while my father was away in the Hima

layas that old bogey o f the B ritish Government
, ,
the R u ssian invasion came to be a subj ect o f a g i

,
t a te d conversation among the people S ome well .
meaning lady friend had enlarged on the impending

dange r to my mother with all the circumstance of
a prolific imagination How could a body tell .
70 MY REM I NI SCENCE S
tion without any need for further worry It is .
hardly necessary to mention that M a h a n a n d a ,
being considerably older than myself these letters ,
never reached the Himalayan hill tops -

.
When after h i s long absences my father came

, ,
home even for a few days the whole house seemed ,
filled with the weight of his presence We would .
see o u r elders at certain hou rs formally robed in ,
their ch oga s passing to his rooms with restrained

,
gait and sobered mien casting away any pa n ,

1
they might have been chewing E veryone seemed .
o n the alert To make sure o f nothing going

.
wrong my mother would superintend the cooking

,
herself The old mace bearer Kinu with his white

.
-
, ,
livery and crested turban on guard at my father s

,
’
door would warn u s not to be boisterous in the

,
verandah in front of his rooms during his midday

siesta We h ad to walk past quietly talking in
.
,
whis p ers a nd dared not even take a peep inside

,
.
O n o n e occasion my father came home to invest

the three o f u s with the sacred thread With the .
help o f P andit Ved a n t a v a gi s h he had collected the

O ld Vedic rites for the pu rpose F o r days together .
we were taught to chant in correct accents the

selections from the U panishads arranged by my ,
“
fath er under the name of B rahma Dharma ,
seated in the prayer hall with B e ch a ra m Babu .
S p i w a pp d i b t l l af
1
ces r e n e e e .
MY REMINISCENCES 71
F inally , with shaven heads and gold rings in o u r

ears we three budding B rahmins w e nt into a
,
three days retreat in a portion o f the third storey

-
’
.
It was great fun The ea rrings gave us a good .
handle to pull each other s ears with We found a ’

.
little drum lying in o n e of the rooms ; taking this

we would stand o u t in the verandah and when , ,
we caught sight of any servant passing alone in

the storey below we would rap a tattoo on it
, .
This would make the man look Up only to beat ,
a hasty retreat the next moment with averted

1
eyes .In short we cannot claim that these days
o f ou r retirement were passed in ascetic medita
tion .
I am however p ersuaded that boys like ourselves

could no t have been rare in the hermitages of old .
And if some ancient document has it that the ten

2
o r twelve year o ld S a ra d w a t a o r S a r n ga r a v a
-
is
spending the whole of the days of his boyhood
off ering oblations and chanting ma n tr a s we are ,
not com p elled to put unquestioning faith in the

statement ; becau se the book of Boy N ature is
even older and also more authentic .
After we had attain e d full b ra h mi n h o o d I b e

1
It i s i d ed i f l f
con s er b a h mi t a t gla
s n u o r no n - r ns o c s n ces o n n eo
ph yt d i g th p
es ur n f th i
e a d th a d i tit
roc e s s o e r s cre - re n ves u re , bfe o re
th m yi
e c e re on mp l t s co e e .
1
Tw i i th h mita g f th a g Ka a m ti
o n o v c es n e er e o e s e nv ,
en o ne di n th e
S a k it d a ma S a k ta la
ns r r , un .
7 2 MY REMINISCENCES
came very keen o n re p eating the ga ya tr i I would .

1
'
meditate o n it with gre a t co n c en t r a t i o n It is .
hardly a text the full meaning o f which I could

have gras p ed at that age I well remember what .
efforts I made to extend the range o f my con

s c i o u s n e s s with the hel p o f the initial invocation
“ ”
of E arth fir ma me n t and heaven
,
How I felt .
or thought it is difficult to express clearly but this ,
mu c h i s certain that to be clear about the meanin g

'
o f words is not the most im p ortant function of t h e
human understanding .
The main obj ect o f teaching is not to explain

meanings but to knock at the door of the mind
,
.
If any boy is asked to give an account of what is

awakened in him at such knocking he will prob ,
ably say something very silly F o r what happens .
within is much bigger than what he can expres s

in words Those who pin their faith o n U niversity
.
e x a m1 n a t 10n s a s a test o f all educational results
take no account o f this fact .
I can recollect many things which I did not

understand but which stirred me deeply Once
,
.
,
o n the roof terrace o f o u r river side villa my eldest -

,
brother at the sudden gathering of clouds repeated

, ,
aloud some stanzas from K a li d a s s Cloud M es

“ ’
”
senger . I could not nor had I the need to under
, ,
stand a word o f the S anskrit His ecsta tic dec .
Th t t f 1
lf a li ati
e ex or se -
re s on .
M Y REMINISCENCES 75
la ma t i o n of the sonorou s rhythm was enough fo r

me .
Then again before I could properly understand

, ,
“
E nglish a profusely illustrated edition o f
,
The
Old Curiosity S h O p fell into my hands I went .
through the whole of it though at least nine tenths ,

-
o f the words were unknown to me Y et with the .

,
vague ideas I conj ured u p from the rest I s p un ,
o u t a variously coloured thread o n which to string
the illustrations Any university examiner would

.
have given me a great big zero but the reading ,
o f the book had not p roved f o r me quite so empty
a s all that .
Another time I had accom p anied my father o n

a trip on the G anges in his houseboat Among .
the books he had with him was an o ld F ort William

edition of Ja ya d ev a s Gi ta Govi n da It was in the
’
.
Bengali character The verses were not p rinted in

.
separate lines but ran o n like prose I did n o t

,
.
then know anything o f S anskrit yet because o f ,
my knowledge o f Bengali many o f the words were

familiar I cannot tell h o w often I read that Gi ta
.
Govi n da I can well remember this line

.
The n ight th at wa s pa s s e d in th e l o n el y fo res t

c o t t a ge .
It spread an atmosphere o f vague beauty over

my mind That one S anskrit word N i b h ri t a
.
,
74 MY REMINISCENCES
“
n i ku n aj -
gr i h a m,
meaning the lonely forest co t
”
tage was quite enough f o r me .
I had to discover for myself the intricate metre

o f J a ya d e v a because its divisions were lost in the
,
clumsy prose form of the book And this discovery

.
gave me very great delight Of course I did not

.
fully comprehend Ja ya d ev a s meaning It would

’
.
hardly be correct to aver that I had got it even

partly B u t the sound of the words and the lilt
.
o f the metre filled my mind with pictu res o f wo n
d e rf u l beauty which impelled me to co p y o u t the

,
whole o f the book for my own u s e .
The same thing happened when I was a little

,
“
older with a verse from Ka li d a s s Birth of the
,
’
War Go d .The verse moved me greatly though ,
the only wo rds of which I gathered the sense ,

“
were the breez e carrying the spray mist o f the -
falling waters of the sacred M a n d a k i n i and shak

ing the deodar leaves These left me pining to
taste the beauties o f the whole When later a .
, ,
P andit explained to me that in the next two lines

“
the bre eze went o n splitting the feathers o f the
p eacock p lume on the head of the eager deer
”
hunter the thinness o f this last conceit d i s a p
,
pointed me I was much better o ff when I had

.
relied only Upon my imagination to complete the

verse .
Whoever goes back to his early childhood will

MY RE M I N I S CEN C E S 75
agree that his greatest gains were not in propor

tion to the completeness o f his understanding Ou r .
K a t h a k a s know this truth well

1
S o their narra .
t i v es always have a good proportion of ear filli n g -
S anskrit words and abstruse remarks n o t cal

c u la t e d to be fully understood by their simple
hearers but only to be suggestive

,
.
The value o f such suggestion is by n o means to

be des p ised by those who measu re education in
terms o f material gains and losses These insist o n .
trying to s u m Up the account and find out exactly

h o w much o f the lesson imparted can be rendered
up. But children and those who are not over
,
educated dwell in that primal paradise where men

,
can come to know without fully comprehending

each step And only when that paradise is lost
.
comes the evil day when everything needs must

be u nderstood The road whic h leads to knowl
.
edge without going through the dreary p rocess o f

,
understanding that is the royal road If that

,
.
be barred though the world s marketing may yet

,
’
go o n as u sual the open sea and the mountain to p

,
cease to be p ossible o f access .
So a s I was saying thoug h at that age I could

, ,
not realise the full meaning o f the Ga ya tr i there ,
was something in me which could do without a

complete understanding I am remind e d o f a day
.
Ba d
1
rit s o r rec e rs .
7 6 MY REMINISCENCE S
when as I was seated o n the cement floor in a

,
corner of our schoolroom meditating o n the text ,
my eyes o v e rfl o wed with tears Why those tears .
came I knew not ; and to a strict cross questioner -
I would probabl y have given some explanation

having nothing to do with the Ga ya tr i T h e fact .
o f t h e matter is that what is going on in t h e inner
recesses o f consciousness is no t always known to

the dweller on the su rface .
( 14 ) A j ou r n ey wi th my F a ther
M y shaven head after the sacred th read cere
mony caused me o n e great anxiety However .
partial E urasian lads may be to things appertain

ing to the Co w their reverence for the B rahmin
,
1
is notoriously lacking So that apart from other .

,
missiles our shaven heads were sure to be pelted

,
with j eers While I was worrying over this possi

.
b i li ty I was o ne day summoned upstairs to my

father H ow would I like to go with him to the
.
Himalayas I was asked Away from the Bengal

,
.
Academy and o ff to the Himalayas ! Would I like

it ? O that I could have rent the skies with a shout ,
that might have given some idea of the How !

On the day o f o u r leaving home my father as ,
1
Th e Cow a nd th e B ra h mi n a re w at ch wor d s of mod ern H i n d u
Or h o d oxy
t .
7 8 MY REMINIS CENCES
the occasion of any ceremonial gathering at ,
which he could not be p resent he would think ,
o u t and assign the place for each thing the duty ,
f o r each member of the family the seat for each,
guest ; nothing would esca p e him After it was .
all over he would ask each o n e fo r a separate

account and thus gain a complete im p ression of
the whole for himself So while I was with him
.
,
o n his travels , though nothing would induce him

to p ut obstacles in the way o f my amusing my
self as I pleased h e left no loophole in the strict
,
rules o f conduct which he p rescribed f o r me in

other res p ects .
Ou r first halt was to be f o r a few days at Bol p u r .
S atya had been there a short time before with his

parents N o self respecting nineteenth centu ry
.
-
infant would have credited the account of his

travels which he gave u s o n his return But we .
were diff erent and had had no op p ortunity o f

,
learning to determine the line between the pos

sible and the im p ossible O ur M ahabharata and
.
R amayana gave u s n o clue to it No r had we .
then any children s illustrated books to guide u s

’
in the way a child should go All the hard and.
fast laws which govern the world we learnt by

knocking u p against them .
S atya had told u s that unless o n e was very

,
very expert getting into a railway carriage was a

,
MY REM IN I S CEN CE S 79
—
terribly dangerou s affair the least slip and it ,
was all Up Then again a fellow had to hold o n

.
, ,
to his seat with all his might otherwise the jolt,
at starting was so tremendous there was no telling

where o n e would get thrown o ff to So when we .
g o t t o the railway station I was all a quiver S o -

.
easily did we get into o u r compartment however , ,
that I felt sure the worst was yet to come And .
when at length we made an absurdly smooth

, ,
start without any semblance o f adventure I

, ,
felt woefully disappointed .
The train sped o n ; the broad fields with their

blue green border trees and the villages nestling
-
,
in their shade flew past in a stream of pictures

which melted away like a flood o f mirages It was .
evening when we reached Bolpur As I got into .
the palanquin I closed my eyes I wanted to .
preserve the whole o f the wonderful vision to be

unfolded before my waking eyes in the morning
light The freshness of the ex p erience would be
.
spoilt I feared by incom p lete glim p ses caught

, ,
in the vagueness o f the dusk .
When I woke at dawn my heart was thrilling

tremulously as I step p ed outside M y p redecessor .
had told me that Bolpu r had o ne feature which

was to be found nowhere else in the world This .
was the path leading from the main buildings to

the se rvants quarters which though no t covered
’
,
over in any way did not allow a ray o f the sun

,
o r a drop o f rain to touch anybody passing along
it I started to hunt for this wonderful path

.
,
but the reader will perhaps not wonder at my

failure to find it to this day .
Town bred as I was I had never seen a rice

,
field and I had a charming portrait o f the cow

,
herd boy o f whom we had read pictu red on the

, ,
canvas of my imagination I had heard from .
S atya that the Bolpur house was su rrounded by

fields o f ripening rice and that playing in these
,
with cowherd boys was an everyday affair of ,
which the plucking cooking and eating o f the

,
rice was the crowning feature I eagerly looked .
about me But where oh where was the rice

.
, ,
fie ld o n all that barren heath ? Cowherd boys

there might have been somewhere about yet ,
how to distinguish them from any other boys ,
that was the question !

However it did not take me long to get over
—
what I could not see what I did see was quite
,
enough There was no servant rule here and the

.
,
only ring which encircled me was the blue o f the

horizon which the presiding goddess of these
solitudes had drawn round them Within this .
I wa s free to move about as I chose .
Thou g h I was yet a mere child my father did

n o t place any restriction on my wanderings In .
no absolute claim to keep Up a close relationshi p

with things merely because I have gathered
,
them together If my fate had granted me the

.
prayer which I had pressed with such insistence

, ,
and undertaken that I should carry this load o f

”
stones about with me f o r ever then I should ,
scarcely have had the hardihood to laugh at it

t o day
-
.
In o n e o f the ravines I came u p on a hollow full

o f s p ring water which o v e rfl o w e d as a little rivulet ,
where sported tiny fi sh battling their way U p the

current .
“
I ve found such a lovely spring I told my
’
,
“
father Couldn t we get o u r bathing and drink
.
’
”
ing water from there ?
”
The very thing he agreed sharing my ra p, ,
ture and gave orders fo r o u r water su pp ly to be

,
drawn from that spring .
I was never tired o f roaming abou t among

those miniature hills and dales in ho p es o f lighting
o n something never known before I was the .
L ivingstone o f this undiscovered land which looked

as if seen through the wrong end o f a telescope .
E verything there t h e dwarf date p alms th e

, ,
scrubby wild plums and the stunted j ambolans ,
was in keeping with the miniature mountain

ranges the little rivulet a nd the tiny fi sh I had
,
discovered .
S i ngi ng t o My Fath er
84 MY R E MINIS CENCES
days o f the month were very anxious ones f o r

me
As I have said my father had the habit o f
,
keeping everything clearly before his mind ,
whether figures of accounts or ceremonial a r ,
rangements o r additions o r alterations to p rop

,
e r ty
. He had never seen the new p rayer hall
built at Bolpur and yet he was familiar with every
,
detail of it from questioning those who came to

see him after a visit to Bol p ur He had an extr a o r .
d i n a ry memory and when once he got hold o f a

,
fact it never escaped him .
M y father had marked his favourite verses in

his copy of the B h a ga va a gi ta He asked me to ’
.
copy these o u t with their translation for him

, , .
At home I had been a boy of no account but

, ,
here when these important functions were e n

,
trusted to me I felt the glory o f the situation

, .
By this time I was rid o f my blue manuscript

book and had got hold of a bound volume o f one
o f L ett s diaries I now saw to it that my poetising
’
.
should not lack any of the dignity o f outward

circumstance It was not only a case o f writing
.
poems but o f holding myself forth as a poet

,
before my o wn imagination S o when I wrote .
poetry at Bolpur I loved to do it sprawling under

a youn g coconut palm This seemed to me the .
true poetic way R esting thus o n the hard u n

.
tu rfed gravel in the burning heat o f the day I

composed a martial ballad o n the D efeat o f
”
King P ri th wi In spite o f the superabundance
.
o f its martial spirit it could not escape an early

,
death That bound volume o f L ett s diary has

.
’
n o w followed the w a y o f its elder sister the blue ,
manuscript book leaving no address behind

, .
We left Bolpu r and making short halts o n the

way at S ahebganj D inapore Allahabad and
, ,
C awnpore we stopped at last at Amritsar .
An incident o n the way remains engraved o n

my memory The train had stopped at some
.
big station The ticket examiner came and

.
punched o u r tickets He looked at me curiou sly

.
as if he had some doubt which he did not care to

express He went o ff and came back with a com
.
p anion Both of them fidgetted about f o r a time

.
near the door of o u r compartment and then again

retired At last came the sta tion master himself
. .
H e looked at my half ticket and then asked :

-
“ ”
Is not the boy over twelve ?
”
No ,
said my father .
I was then only eleven but looked older than ,
my age .
Yo u mu st p ay the full fare f o r him said the ,
s tation master .
M y father s eyes flashed as without a word

’
, ,
he took out a currency note from his b ox and

handed it to the station master When they brought .
my father his change he flung it disdainfully back

at them while the station master stood abashed at
,
this exposure of the meanness o f his im p lied doubt .
The golden temple o f Amritsar comes back to

me like a dream M any a morning have I a ecom
.
p a n i e d my father to this Gu r u cla r ba r o f the S ikh s
in the middle of the lake There the sacred chant .
ing resounds continually M y father seated .

,
amidst the throng of worshippers would some ,
times add his voice to the hymn o f p raise and ,
finding a stranger j oining in their devotions they

would wax enthu siastically cordial and we would ,
return loaded with the sanctified offerings o f sugar

crystals and other sweets .
One day my father invited o ne o f the chanting

c hoir to ou r place and got him to sing u s some o f
their sacred songs The man went away prob .
ably more than satisfied with the reward he r e

c ei v e d The result wa s that we had to take stern
.
—
measures of self defence such an insistent army
-
,
o f singers invaded u s When they found o u r .
house impregnable the musicians began to way ,

-
4
lay u s in the streets And as we went o u t f o r o u r

.
walk in the mornin g every now and then would ,
appear a Ta mbu r a slung over a shoulder at

1
, ,
1
An i t
ns ru men t on wh i ch th e ke y te i tru mm d t a c
no s s e o co mp a ny
i gi g
s n n .
If the king of the country had known the

language and could appreciat e its literature he ,
would doubtless have rewarded the poet S ince .
”
that is not so I suppose I must do it
,
With .
which he handed me a cheque .
M y father had brought with him some volumes

o f the P eter P arley series from which to teach me .
He s e lected the life of Benj amin F ranklin to be g in

with He thought it would read like a story book
.
and be both entertaining and instructive But .
he found out his mistake soon after we began it .
Benj amin F ranklin was much too business like a -
person The narrowness of his calculated morality

.
d i s gu s te d my fath e r
'
In some cases he would

.
get so impatient at the worldly prudence of F rank

lin that he could not help u sing strong words of
denunciation Before this I had nothing to do
.
with S anskrit beyond getting some rules of gram

mar by rote M y father started me on the second
.
S anskrit reader at o n e bound l e aving me to learn ,

'
the declensions as we went o n The advance I .
I
had made in Bengali stood me in good stead .
My father also encouraged me to try S anskrit

composition from the very outset With the .
vocabula ry acquired from my S anskrit reader I

built Up grandiose compo und words with a pro
1
A la r ge p ro p o rti o n o f wo rd s in th e l it a y B g ali
er r en a re d iv d
er e
u nch a n ge d fro m th e S a ns kr it.

MY REMINISCENCES 89
fuse sprinkling of sonorou s m s and n s makin g ‘ ’ ‘ ’
altoge ther a most diabolical medley of the langua g e

o f the gods But my father never scoffed at my
.
temerity .
Then there were the readings from Proctor s ’
Popular Astronomy which my father explained

to me in easy language and which I then rendered
into Bengali .
Among the books which my father had brought

for his own u s e my attention would be mostly
,
attracted by a ten o r twelve volume edition o f

G ibbon s R ome They looked remarkably d ry
’
. .
“ ” “
Being a b o y I thought ,
I am helpless and
,
read many books because I have to But why .
should a grown Up person who need n o t read ,

”
unless he p leases bother himself so ?
,
( 15 ) A t the H i ma la ya s
We stayed about a month in Amritsar and , ,
towards the middle of April started for the D a l ,
housie Hills The last few days at Amritsar

seemed a s if they would never pass the call o f the ,
Himalaya s was so strong Upon me .
The terraced hill sides a s we went U p in a

,
j h a mpa n,
were all a fl a me with the beauty o f the
flowering spring crops E very morning we would

.
make a start after o u r bread and milk and before ,

99 MY REMINISCENCES
sunset take shelter for the night i n the next stag

ing bungalow M y eyes had no rest the livelong
.
day so great was my fear lest anything should

,
escape them Wherever at a turn o f the road into

.
,
a gorge the great forest trees were found cluster

,
ing closer and from underneath their shade a

,
little waterfall trickling o u t like a little daughter

,
of the hermitage playing at the feet o f hoary sages

wra p t in meditation babbling its way over the
,
black moss covered rocks there the j ha mpa n

-
,
bearers would put down their burden and take a ,
rest Why o h why had we to leave such s p ots

.
, ,
behind cried my thirsting heart why could we

, ,
not stay on there for ever ?

This is the great advantage of the fi rst vision
t h e mind is not then aware that there are many
more such to come When this comes to be known

.
to that calculating organ it promptly tries to mak e

a saving in its expenditu re o f attention It is .
only when it believes something to be rare that

the mind ceases to be miserly in assigning values .
S o in the streets of Calcutta I sometimes imagine

myself a foreigner and only then do I discover
,
how much is to be seen which is lost so long as its

,
full value in attention is not paid It is the hunger .
to really see which drives people to travel to

stran g e places .
M y father left his little cash box in my charge -

.
mense lives had they lived through the centu ri e s !

And yet this boy o f only the other day was crawlin g
round about their trunks unchallenged I seemed .
to feel a presence the moment I stepped into

,
their shade as o f the solid coolness o f some o ld

,
world sau rian and the checkered light and shade

,
o n the leafy mould seemed like its scales .
M y room was at one end o f the hou se Lying .
o n my bed I could see through the uncu rtained ,
windows the distant snowy peaks shimmering

,
dimly in the starlight S ometimes at what hour

.
,
I could not make out I half awakened would , , ,
see my father wrap p ed in a red shawl with a

, ,
lighted lamp in his hand softly passing by to the ,
glazed verandah where he sat at his devotions .
After o ne more sleep I would find him at my b e d

side rousing me with a push before yet the dark
, ,
ness o f night had passed This was my appointed .
hour f o r memorising S anscrit declensions What .
an excruciatingly wintry awakening from the

caressing warmth of my blankets !
By the time the sun rose my father after his , ,
prayers finished with me o u r morning milk and

, ,
then I standing at his side he would once more

, ,
hold communion with Go d chanting the Upa ,
ni sh a ds .
Then we would go o u t f o r a walk But how .
should I keep pace with him ? M any an older

MY REMINISCENCES 93
person could not ! So after a while I would give

, ,
it u p and scramble back home through some short

cut u p the mountain side .
After my father s retu rn I had an hou r o f

’
E nglish lessons After ten o clock came the bath’

.
in icy cold water ; it was no u s e asking the servants

-
to temper it with even a j ugful o f hot water with

out my father s permission To give me courage
’
.
my father would tell of the u nbearably freezing

baths he had himself been through in his younger
days .
Another penance was the drinking o f milk .
M y father was very fond of milk and could ta ke

qu antities of it But whether it was a failure to
.
inherit this capacity or that the unfavou rable

,
environment o f which I have told p roved the

stronger my appetite for milk w a s grievously
,
wanting U nfortunately we u sed to have o u r

.
milk together S o I had to throw myself on

!
the mercy of the servants ; and to their human

kindness (or frailty) I was indebted for my
goblet being thenceforth more than half full o f
foam .
After ou r midday meal lesson s began again .
But this was more than fle sh and blood could

stand M y outraged morning sleep wou ld have
.
its revenge and I would b e topplin g over with

uncontrollable drowsiness N evertheless
. no ,
94 MY REM INI S CENCE S
sooner did my father take pity on my plight and

let me o ff than my sleepiness was o ff likewise
, .
Then ho ! for the mountains .
S ta ff in hand I would often wander away from

o n e peak to another but my father did not obj ect
, .
To the end of his life I have observed he never

, ,
stood in the way of o u r inde p endence M any a .
time have I said o r done things repugnant alike

to his taste and his j udgment ; with a word he
could have stop p ed me ; but he preferred to wait
till the prompting to refrain came from within .
A passive acceptance by u s o f the correct and the

proper did not satisfy him ; he wanted u s to love
truth with ou r whole hearts ; h e knew that mere
acquiescence without love is empty He also .
knew that truth if strayed from can be found

, ,
again but a forced o r blind acceptance of it from

,
the outside effectually bars the way in .
In my early youth I had conceived a fancy to

j ourney along the G rand Trunk R oad right u p ,
to P eshawar in a bullock cart No one else s u p

, .
p orted the scheme and

,
doubtless there was much
to be urged against it as a practical p roposition .
But when I discoursed o n it to my father he was

—
su re it was a s plendid idea travelling by rail
road was not worth the name ! With which o h
servation he proce e ded to r e count to me his o w n
adventurous wanderin g s o n foot and hors e back .
to show it to him I verily believe I was thus the

.
means of giving him many a picture he could have

got from none else M y father also let me read
.
letters to him from my elder brothers This was .
his way o f teaching me h o w I ought to write to

him ; for he by no means underrated the impor
tance o f outward forms and ceremonial .
I am reminded o f how in one o f my second

brother s lett e rs he was complaining in somewhat
’
s a n s cr i t i s e d phraseology of being worked to death
tied by the neck to his post o f duty M y father .
asked me to explain the sentiment I did it in my.
way but he thought a different explanation would

,
fit better M y overweening conceit made me stick

.
to my guns and argue the point with him at length .
Another would have shut me Up with a snub but ,
my father patiently heard me o u t and took pains

to j ustify his view to me .
M y father would sometimes tell me funny

stories He had many an anecdote o f the gilded
.
youth of his time There were some exquisites for

.
whose delicate skins the embroidered borders o f

even D acca mu slins were too coarse so that to ,
wear mu slins with the border torn o ff became for ,
a time the tip top thing to do

,
-
.
I was also hi g hly amused to hear from my father

for t h e fi rst time the story of the milkman who
was suspected o f waterin g his milk and the more ,
MY REMINISCENCES 97
men one o f his cu stomers detailed to look after

his milking the bluer the fluid became till at last
, , ,
when the custom e r himself interviewed him and

asked for an explanati o n the milkman avowed that
,
if more superintendents had to be satisfied it would

only make the milk fit to breed fish !
After I had thu s spent a few months with him
my father sent me back home with his attendant
Kishori.
( 16 ) M y R etu r n
HE chains o f the rigorou s regime which

had bound me snapped for good when I
set out from home On my retu rn I .
gained a n accession of rights In my case my .
very nearness had so long ke p t me o u t o f mind ;

now that I had been o u t of sight I came back
into view .
I got a foretaste o f a p preciation while still o n

the return jou rney Travelling alone as I was
.
,
with an attendant brimming with health and,
spirits and conspicuous with my gold worked cap

,
-
,
all the E nglish peo p le I came across in the train

made much of me .
When I arrived it was n o t merely a home coming -
from travel it was also a retu rn from my exile in

,
the servants quarters to my proper place in the

’
inner apa rtments Whenever the inner household

.
assembled in my mother s room I now O ccupied a ’
seat o f honou r And she who was then the young

.
est bride o f o u r house lavished o n me a wealth o f

a fl ec t i o n and regard .
In infancy the loving care o f woman is to be had

without the asking and being as much a necessity
, ,
as light and air is as simply accepted without any

,
consciou s response ; rather does the growing child

IOI
often display an eagerness to fre e itself from the

encircling web of woman s solicitude B u t the u n
’
.
fortunate creature who is deprived of this in its

proper season is beggared indeed This ha d b e en .
my plight So after being brought u p in t h e serv

.
ants quarters when I suddenly cam e in for a pro

’
f usion of womanly a ffection I could hardly remain ,
unconscious of it .
In the days when the in ner apartments were a s

yet far away from me they were the elysium of my
,
imagination The zenana which from an outside

.
,
view is a place o f confinement for me was the ,
abode of all freedom N e ither school nor Pandit

.
were there ; nor it seemed to me did anybody

, ,
have to do what they did not want to Its secluded .
leisure had something mysteriou s about it ; one

played about or did as one liked and had not to
,
render an account of one s doings S pecially so ’

.
with my youngest sister to whom though she , ,
attended N ilkamal P andit s class with u s it seemed

’
,
to make no difference in his behaviou r whether

she did her lessons well or ill Then again while .
, ,
b y ten o clock we had to hurry through our break

’
,
fast and be ready for school she with her queue , ,
d anglin g behin d walked unconcernedly away

, ,
withinwards tantalising u s to distraction

, .
An d when the n ew bride adorn e d with her ,
necklac e of gold came into o u r house the mystery

, ,
turns into a flight of fou r o r five steps to which ,
the light does not reach and down which I pass ,
into the galleries running round the first inner

quadrangle A shaft o f moonli g ht slants from the
.
eastern sky into the western an g le of these veran

dahs leaving t h e rest in darkness In this patch
, .
o f light the maids have gathered and are squatting
close together with le g s outstretched rolling cot

, ,
ton waste into lamp wicks and chattin g in under

-
,
tones o f their Village homes M any such pictures .
are indelibly printed on my memory .
Then after our supper the washing of o u r hands

,
and feet o n the verandah before stretching ou r

selves o n the ample expanse of o u r bed ; whereupon
one o f the nu rses Tinkari or S ankari comes and
sits by o u r heads and softly croons to u s the
story of the prince travelling on and on over the
lonely moor and as it comes to an end silence
, , ,
falls o n the room With my face to the wall I gaze

.
at the black and white patches made by t h e ,
plaster of t h e walls fallen o ff here an d there show ,
1 11 g faintly in the dim light ; and out o f these I
conj ure up many a fantast i c image as I drop o ff to

sl eep And sometimes in the middle o f the night
.
, ,
I hear through my half broken sleep the shouts -
o f old S w a r u the watchman going his rounds

p , ,
from verandah to verandah .
Then cam e the new order when I go t in pro ,

MY REMINISCENCES 19 5
fusion from this inner unknown dreamland o f my

fancies the recognition for which I had all alon g
i
been pining ; when that which naturally s l o u ld
have come day by day was suddenly made good
to me with accumulated arrears I cannot say.
that my head was n o t turned .
The littl e traveller was full of the sto ry of his

travels and with the strain of each r epetition the
, , ,
narrative got looser and looser till it utterly refused

to fit into the facts L ike everythin g else alas a
.
, ,
story also gets stale and the glory o f the tell e r

su ffers likewise ; that is why he has to add fresh
colourin g every time to k e ep Up its freshness .
After my return from the hills I was the principal

speaker at my mother s open air gatherings on the
’
roof terrace in the evenings The temptation to

.
become famous in the eyes o f one s mother is a s

’
di ffi cult to resist as such fame is easy to earn .
While I was at the N ormal S chool when I first ,
came across the information in some reader that

the S u n was hundreds and thou sands of times as
big a s the E arth I at once disclosed it to my
,
mother It served to prove that he who was small

.
to look at might yet have a considerable amount of

bigness about him I u s e d also to recite to her
.
the scraps o f poetry u sed as illustrations in the

chapter on prosody o r rhetoric of o u r Ben g ali
grammar N o w I retail e d at her evening g ather
.
1 06 MY R E MINISCENCES
in g s the astronomical tit bits I had g leaned from -
P roctor .
M y father s follower Kishori b e longed at one

’
time to a band of reciters o f D a s a r a t h i s j ingling ’
versions o f the E pics While w e were together in .
“
the hills he often said to me : Oh my little ,
brother if I only had had you in o u r troupe we

1
,
”
could have got u p a splendid performance This
'
would open Up to me a tempting pictu re of

wandering a s a minstre l boy from place to place ,
reciting and sin g ing I learnt from him many of .
the songs in his re pertoire and th e se were in e ven

gre ater request than my talks a b out the photo
sphere of the S u n or t h e many moons of S atu rn .
But the achieve m e nt of mine which appealed

most to my mother was that while the rest of the
inmates o f the inn e r apartments had to be content
with K ri tt i v a s a s Bengali rendering of the R a m
’
ayana I had been readin g with my father the

,
ori g inal o f M aharshi Valmiki himself S anscrit ,

“
metre and all R ead me some of that R amayana
.
,
”
do ! she said overj oyed at this news which I had
,
given her .
Alas my readin g of Valmiki had been limited

,
to the short extract from his R ama y ana given in

my S anskrit reader and even that I had not fully ,
1
S erv a n ts c a ll th e ma s t er a nd mi s t r es s fath er, a nd mo t h er ,
a nd
th e c h i ld r en b thro it
ers a n d s s er s .
MY R EMINISCENCES 1 07
mastered M oreover on looking over it n o w I

.
, ,
found that my memory had played me false and

much of what I thou g ht I knew had become hazy .
“
But I lacked the courage to plead I have f o r
”
gotten to the eager mother awaiting the display
o f her son s ma rvellou s talents ; so that in the
’
,
reading I gave a large divergence occu rred between

,
Valmiki s intention and my e xplanation That

’
.
tender hearted sage from his seat in heaven must

-
, ,
have forgiven the temerity of the boy seeking the

glory o f his mother s approbation but not so ’
,
M adhusudan the taker down of P ride

1
, .
M y mother unable to contain her feelings at

,
my extraordinary exploit wanted all to share her ,

“ ”
admiration Y ou mu st read this to D wij en d r a
.
,
( my eldest brother ) she said ,

.
“ ”
In for it ! thought I as I put forth all the ,
excu ses I could think o f but my mother would ,
have none of them S h e sent for m y brother .
D w i j en d r a and as soon as he arrived greeted him

, , , ,
with : Just h e ar R abi read Valmiki s R a ma ya n

“ ’
,
”
how splendidly he do e s it .
It had to b e done ! But M adhu sudan relented

and let me off with j ust a taste o f his pri d e reducin g -
power M y brother must have been called away

.
W hile bu sy with some literary work of his own .
1 a
N me of i
V s h nu i n h i s ap ts ec of sl ay er o f th e p ro u d d e mon,
M a d hu .
He showed no anxiety to hear me render the S a n

scrit into Bengali and as soon as I had re ad o u t a
,
“ ”
few verses he simply remarked Very good and
walked away .
After my promotion to the inner apartments I

felt it all the more di fficult to resume my school
life I resorted to all manner o f subterfuges to
.
escape the Bengal Academy Then they tried .
putting me at S t ! avier s But the result was

.
’
.
no better .
M y elder brothers after a few spasmodic e ff orts

, ,
—
gave U p all hopes of me they even ceased to scold
“
me One day my eldest sister said : We had all
.
hoped R abi would grow Up to be a man but he ,
has disappointed u s the worst I felt that my .
value in the social world was distinctly d epre ci a t

ing ; nevertheless I could not make U p my mind
to be tied to the eternal grind of the school mill
which divorced as it was from all life and beauty
, ,
seemed such a hideously cruel combination o f

hospital and gaol .
One precious memory o f S t ! avier s I still hold

.
’
—
fresh and pure the memory o f its teachers No t .
that they were all of the same excellence In par .
t i cu la r in those who taught in o u r class I could

,
discern no reverential resignation of spirit They .
were in nowise above the teaching machine variety -
of school mast e rs As it is the educational engine

.
,
1 10 MY R EMINISCENCE S
All of a sudden he stopped behind my seat Bend .
ing over me he gently laid his hand on my should e r

and tenderly in q uired : Are you not well Ta ,
”
gore ? It was only a simple question but o ne I ,
have never been able to forget .
I cannot speak for the oth e r boys but I felt in

him the presence of a great soul and even to da y ,
-
the recollection of it seems to give me a passport

into the silent seclusion of the temple of Go d .
There was another old F ather whom all the boys

loved This was F ather Hen ry He taught in
. .
the higher classes ; so I di d not know him well .
But one thing about him I remember He knew .
Bengali He once asked N i r a d a a boy in his class

.
, ,
1
the derivation of his name Poor N i ra d a had so .
long been supremely easy in mind about himself

the derivation of his name in particular had never , ,
troubled him i n the least ; so that he was utterly

unprepared to answer this question And yet .
,
with so many abstruse and unknown words in the

dictionary to be worsted by one s own name would
,
’
have been as ridiculous a mishap as getting run

Ov e r by one s own carriage so N i ra d a unblushingl y
’
,
“ — —
re plied : N i privative r ode s u n rays ; thence ,
-
N i ro d b t h a t which causes an absence of the

”
sun s rays !
’
1
Ni ra d a i s a Sa it
n s cr wo r d me a n i n g clou d ,
bi ga
e n co mp o u n d of
n i ra = w a t er a n d da gi ver . In B g a li it i p
en s ro n o u n c e d n r ode.
i
( 17 ) H ome S tu di es
G yan B abu son o f P andit Ve d a n t a v a gi s h was

, ,
now our tutor at home When he found h e could

.
not secure my attention for the school cours e he ,
gave u p the attempt as hopeless and went on a

d iffe rent tack He took me through K a li d a s s
.
’
”
Birth o f the War god translating it to me a s
-
,
we went o n He also read M acbeth to me first

.
,
explaining the text in Bengali and then confining ,
me to the school room till I had rendered the day s ’
reading into Bengali verse In this way he got .
me to translate the whole play I was fortunate .
enough to lose this translation and so am relieved

to that extent of the burden o f my ka r ma .
It was P andit R a ms a rv a s w a s duty to see to ’
the progress of our S anskrit He likewise gave .
Up the fruitless task o f teaching grammar to his

unwilling p upil and read S akuntala with me
,
instead One day he took it into his head to show

.
my translation of M acbeth to Pandit Vi dya s a ga r

and took me over to his house
R a j k ri s h n a M u kherj i had called at the time
and was seated with him M y heart went pit a .
-
pat as I entered the great P andit s study pack e d ’

,
full of books ; nor did his au stere visage assist

in revivin g my cou rage N evertheless as this
.
,
was the first time I had had such a distinguished

audience my desire to win renown was strong
,
within me I returned hom e I b e lieve with some

.
, ,
reason for an acc e ss of enthusiasm As for R a j .
krishna B abu he contented himself with admon

,
i s h i n g me to be careful to keep the language and

m e tre of the Witch e s parts diff erent from that
’
o f the human characters .
D uring my boyhood Bengali li te r a f u re wa s

meagre in body and I think I must have finished
,
all the readable and unreadable books that there

were at the time Juvenile literature in those
.
days had not evolved a distinct type of its o wn

but that I am su re did me no harm The watery .
stu ff into which literary nectar is now diluted

for be i ng served u p to the young takes full a c
count o f their childishness but none o f them a s
,
growing huma n beings Children s books should

.
’
be such a s can partly be understood by them and

partly not In our childhood we read every
.
available book from o n e end to the other ; and

both what we understood and what we di d not, ,
went o n workin g within u s That is how the .
world itself reacts on the child consciousness .
The child makes its o w n what it understands ,
while that which is beyond leads it on a step

fo r ward
.
When D i n a b a n d h u M itra s satires came out I

’
got off and the book got read ! Its owner tried
,
to scold me but the attempt was not a success

, ,
w e both laughed so .
D r R a j e n d ra la l M itra u sed to edit an illus

.
t r a t e d monthly miscellany M y third brother .
had a bound annu al volume of it in his bookcase .
This I managed to secure and the delight o f read

ing it through over and over again still comes
, ,
back to me M any a holiday noontide has passed

.
with me stretched on my back o n my bed that ,
square volume on my breast reading about the ,
N arwhal whale or the curiosities o f j ustice a s

,
administered by the Kazis of old o r the romantic ,
story of Krishna kumari -

.
Why do we not have such magazines now a -
days ? We have philosophical and scientific

articles on the one hand and insi p id stories and ,
travels o n the other but no such unpretentiou s

,
miscellanies which the ordinary person can read

in comfort such as Ch a mb er s s or Cassell s or
-
’ ’
—
the S trand in E ngland which supply the general
reader with a simple but satisfying fare and are
,
of the greatest u s e to the greatest number .
I came across another little p eriodical in my

young days called the A bodha ba n dhu ( ignorant
man s friend ) I found a collection o f its monthly
’
.
numbers in my eldest brother s library and de ’
v o u re d them day after day s e ated on the doorsill ,

MY REMINISCENCE S 1 15
of his study facing a bit of terrace to the S outh

, .
It was in the page s of this magazine that I made

my first acquaintance with the poetry o f Vi h a r i la l
Chakravarti . His poems appealed to me the
most of all that I read at the time The a rtless .
fl u te strains of his lyrics awoke within me the

-
mu sic of fields and forest glades -

.
Into these same pages I have we p t many a

tear over a pathetic translation o f Paul and Vi r
ginie That wonderful sea the breeze stirred
.
,
-
cocoanut forests o n its shore and the slopes b e

,
yond lively with the gambols o f mountain goats ,
a delightfully refreshing mirage they conj ured

u p o n that terraced roof in Calcutta And o h ! the
.
romantic courting that went o n in the forest paths

o f that secluded island ,
between the Bengali boy
reader and little Virginie with the many coloured -
kerchief round her head !

Then came B a n k i m s B a n ga da rs a n taking the
’
,
Bengali heart by storm It was bad enough to

.
have to wait till the next monthly number wa s

o u t but to be ke p t waiting further till my elders
,
had done with it was sim p ly intolerable ! No w

h e who will may swallow at a mouthful the whole
o f Ch a n dra s h ehh a r or B i s h a br i les h a but the process
o f longing and anticipating ,

month after month ;
o f spreading over the lon g intervals the con e en
t r a t e d joy of each short reading revolving every ,

instalment ove r an d over in t h e mind while watch

ing and waiting for the next ; the combination
o f satisfaction with unsatisfied craving o f burn ,
ing curiosity with its appeas e ment ; these long

drawn out delights of going through the origi nal
serial none will ever taste again .
The compilations from the old poets by S arada

M itter and Akshay S arkar were also o f great
interest to me Our elders were subscribers but
.
,
not very regular readers of these series so that

, ,
it was not d i fli cu lt for me to get at them Vidya .
pati s quaint and corrupt M aithili lan g uage a t

’
tracted me all the more because of its u n i n telli gi

b i li ty I tried to make o u t his sense without the
.
help of the compiler s notes j otting down in my

’
,
o w n note book all the more obscu re words with
their context as many times as they occu rred .
I also not e d grammatical peculiarities according

to my lights .
( 18 ) M y H ome E n vi r o n men t
One great advantage which I enjoyed in my

younger days was the literary and artistic atmos
ph e r e which pervaded o u r house I remember .
how when I was quite a chil d I would be leaning

, ,
against the verandah railings which overlooked

the detached building comprising the reception
MY R EMINISCENCES
his song Ashamed am I to sing o f India s glories ’
u sed to be sung .
I was still a child when my cousin G a n en d r a

died in the prime of his youth but for those who ,
have once beheld him it is impossible to forget

his handsome tall and stately figure He had an
,
.
irresistible social influence He could draw men .
round him and kee p them bound to him ; while

his powerful attraction was there disruption was ,
o u t o f the question —
H e was o n e of those a type
.
—
peculiar to o u r country who by their personal ,
magnetism easily establish themselves in the

,
centre o f their family o r village In any other .
country where large political social or commer

, ,
c i a l groups are being formed such would as nat ,
u r a lly become national leaders The p ower of .
organising a large number o f men into a corp orate

group d epe n d s o n a special kind of genius S uch
'
geniu s in o u r country runs to waste a waste a s , ,
pitiful it seems to me as that of pulling down

, ,
a star from the firma men t for u s e as a lucifer

match .
I remember still better his younger b rother ,
my cousin Gu n en d ra 1
He likewise kept the house
.
filled with his personality His large graciou s .

,
heart embraced alike relatives friends gu e sts , ,
and dependants Whether in his broad south

.
1
F ath f th w ll kn w a ti t G g d
er o e e - o d Ab i d
n r Eds s a a nen ra a n an n ra . .
verandah or o n the lawn by the fountain or at

, ,
the tank edge o n the fishing platform he pre

-
,
sided over self invited gatherings like hos p itality

-
,
incarnate His wide ap p reciation o f art and tal e nt

.
k e pt him constantly radiant with enthusiasm .
N ew ideas o f festivity or frolic theatricals o r ,
other entertainments found in him a ready pa

,
tron and with his hel p would flourish and find

,
fruition .
We were too young then to take any p art in

these doings but the waves o f merriment and
,
life to which they gave rise came and beat at

the doors o f o u r cu riosity I remember how a.
burlesque co mposed by my eldest brother wa s

once being rehearsed in my cousin s big drawing ’
room F rom o u r place against the verandah

.
railings of o u r house we could hear through the ,
O p e n windows opposite roars o f laughter mixed

,
with the strains o f a co mic song and would also ,
occasionally catch glimpses o f Akshay M azum

dar s extraordinary antics We could no t gather
’
.
exactly what the song was about but lived in ,
hopes o f being able to find that o u t sometime .
I recall how a trifling circumstance earned f o r

me the special regard o f cousin G u n en d ra N ever .
had I got a prize at school except onc e f o r good

conduct Of the three o f u s m y nephew S atya
.
was th e best at his lessons H e once did w e ll at

.
some examination and was awarded a priz e As .
we came hom e I j umped o ff the carriage to give

the gre at news to my cou sin who was in the garden .
“ ”
S atya has got a prize I shouted as I ran to
him He drew me to his knees with a smile
. .
” “ ”
A n d have you not got a prize ? he asked No .
,
“
said I not I it s S atya
,
”
M y g e nuine pleasure
,
’
.
at S a tya s success seemed to touch my cou sin

’
particularly He tu rned to his friends and re

.
marked on it as a very creditable trait I well .
re m e mber how mystified I fe lt at this for I had ,
not thought o f my feeling in that light This .
prize that I go t for not getting a prize did not do

me good There is no harm in making gifts to
.
children but they should not be r e wards It is

,
.
not healthy for youngsters to be made self

conscious .
After the mid day meal cousin G u n en d r a would

-
attend the estate o ffi ces in o u r p art o f the house .
The off ice room o f o u r elders was a sort o f club

where laughter and conversation were freely
mixed with matters o f business M y cousin.
would recline o n a couch and I would seize some

,
opportunity of edging Up to him .
He u sually told me stories from Indian History .
I still remember the su rprise with which I heard

how Clive after establishing British rule in In d ia
, ,
went back home and cut his own throat On the .

o ne hand new history being made o n the other a

,
tragic chapter hidden away in the mysteriou s

darkness of a human heart How could there be
.
such dismal failu re within and such brilliant s u c

cess outside This weighed heavily on my mind
?
the whol e day .
S ome days cousin G u n en d r a would not be

allowed to remain in any doubt as to the contents
o f my pocket At the least encouragement out
.
would come my manuscript book unabashed , .
I need hardly state that my cousin was not a

severe critic ; in point of fact the opinions he ex
p ressed would have done splendidly as advertise
ments N one the less when in any of my poetry
.
,
my childishness became too obtrusive he could ,

“ ”
not restrain his hearty Ha ! Ha !
One day it was a poem o n M other India
and as at the end of o ne line the only rhyme I
could think of meant a cart I had to drag in that
,
cart in spite of there not be i ng the vestige of a

road by which it could reasonably arrive the — ,
insistent claims of rhyme would not hear of any

e xcuses mere reason had to off er The storm of
.
laughter with which cousin G u n en d r a greeted it

bl e w away the cart back over the sam e impossible
path it had come by and it has not been heard o f
,
since .
M y eldest brother was th e n busy with his mas

1 22 MY RE M I NI SC E N CES
t e r pi e c eThe D ream Jou rney his cushion seat ,
placed in the south verandah a low desk before ,
him Cousin Gu n e n d ra would come and sit there

.
for a time every morning His immens e capacity.
for enjoyment like the breezes of spring helped

, ,
poetry to sprout M y eldest brother would go o n

.
alternately writing and reading o u t what he had

written his boisterous mirth at his o wn conceits
,
making the verandah trembl e M y brother wrote .
a great deal more than he finally used in his fin

i s h e d work so fertile was his poetic inspiration
, .
L ike the superabounding mango fl o w e r e t s which

carpet the shade of the mango topes in spring
“
time the rej ected pages of his D ream Journey
,
were to be found scattered all over the house .
Had anyone preserved them they would have

been to day a basketful o f flowers adorning our
-
_
Bengali literature .
E avesdropping at doors and peeping round

corners we used to get ou r full share of this feast
,
o f po e try so plentiful was it with so much to spare

, , .
M y e ldest brother was then at the height of his

wonderful p owers ; and from his pen su rged in u m ,
tiring wave after wave a tidal flood of poetic fancy

, ,
rhyme and e xpre ssion filling and overflowing its

,
banks with an exub e rantly joyful p aean of triumph .
“ ”
D i d we quite understand The D ream Journey ?
B ut then did we need absolutely to understand in
In those days eve rything from furniture to fes

t i v i ty wa s designed to be enjoyed by the many so ,
that whatever o f pomp o r magnificence there might

have been did n o t savou r o f hauteu r These a p .
p endages have since increased in quantity but ,
they have become unfeeling and know not the ,
art o f making high and low alike feel at home .
The bare bodied the indigently clad no longer

-
, ,
have the right to u se and occupy them without a ,
permit on the strength o f their smiling faces alone

, .
Those whom we now a days seek to imitate in o u r

- -
house building and furnishing they have th e ir own

-
,
society with its wide hospitality The mischief

,
.
with u s is that we have lost what we had but have ,
not the means o f building u p afresh o n the E uro

pean standard with the result that o u r home life
,
-
has become joyless We still meet for business o r

.
political p urp o ses but never fo r the pleasure o f

,
simply meeting one another We have ceased to .
contrive opportunities to bring men together sim

p ly becau se we love o u r fellow men I can imagine-
.
nothing more ugly t h a n th i s social miserliness ; and

f
,
when I look back o n those whose ringing laughte r ,
coming straight from their hearts used to lighten ,
for u s the burden of household cares they seem to ,
have been visitors from some other world .

( 19 ) L i ter a r y Compa i
n on s
There cam e to me in my b o yhood a friend whose

help in my literary progre ss was invaluable Ak .
shay Chowdhu ry was a school fellow o f my fou rth -
brother He was an M A in E nglish L iterature

. . .
for which his love was as great as his proficiency

therein On th e other hand he had an equal fond
.
ness for o u r older B e ngali authors and Vaishnava ,
Poets He knew hundreds o f Bengali songs o f u n

.
known authorship and on these he would launch

, ,
with voice uplifted regardless of tu ne or co n s e

, ,
q u e n c e
,
o r of the expr e ss disapproval of his hearers .
N o r could anything within him or without pre

, ,
vent his loudly beating time to his o wn mu sic for ,
which th e nearest table o r book served his nimble

fi ngers to rap a vigorou s tattoo o n to hel p to en ,
liven the audience .
He was also o n e o f those with an inordinate

capacity for extracting enjoyment from all and
sundry H e was as ready to absorb eve ry bit o f
.
goodness in a thing as he was lavish in singing its

praises He had an extraordinary gift as a light
.
ning composer o f lyrics and songs o f n o m e an

merit but in which he himself had no prid e of
,
authorship H e took no further notice of t h e heaps

.
o f scattered scraps o f pap e r o n which his pencil

writings had been indited He was as indi fferent

.
to his powers as they were prolific .
One of his longer poetic pieces was much a ppre

c i a t e d when it appeared in the B a n ga d a r s a n and ,
I have heard his songs sung by many who knew

nothing at all about their composer .
A genuine delight in literature is much rarer

than erudition and it was this enthu siastic enj oy
,
ment in Akshay B abu which u sed to awaken my

own literary app reciation He was a s liberal in
.
his friendships as in his literary criticisms Among .
strangers he wa s as a fish o u t of water but among ,
friends discrepancies in wisdom o r age made no

di fference to him With u s boys he was a boy
. .
When he took his leave late in the evening from

, ,
the muf li s of ou r elders I would buttonhole and

,
drag him to o u r school room There with u n .

,
diminished geniality he would make himself the

life and soul of ou r little gathering seated on the ,
top o f o u r study table On many such occasions I

.
have listened to him going into a rapturou s dis

s er t a t i o n on some E nglish poem ; engaged him in
s ome appreciative discussion critical inquiry or

, ,
hot dispute ; o r read to him some of my o wn writ

ings and been rewarded in return with p raise u n
sparin g.
M y fourth brother Jyo t i ri n d r a was o n e of the

chief helpers in my literary and emotional training .
could my nature p repare to put forth its thorns ,
it may be but likewise its flowers This experience

,
.
o f min e has led me to dread not so much evil itself , ,
as tyrannical attempts to create goodness Of .
punitive police political o r moral I have a whole

, ,
some horror The state of slavery which is thu s

.
brought o n is the worst form o f cancer to which

humanity is subj ect .
M y brother at one time would s p end days at

his piano engross e d in the creation of new tunes .
S howers of melody would stream from under his

dancing fi ngers while Akshay Babu and I seated
, ,
o n either side would be busy fitting words to the

,
tunes as they grew into shape to help to hold them

1
in ou r memories This is how I served my a p.
prenticeship in the composition of songs .
While we were growing to boyhood music was

largely cultiva ted in our family This had the .
advantage of making it possible for me to imbibe

it without an e ff ort into my whole being It
, , .
had also the disadvantage o f not giving me that

technical mastery which the effort of learning
step by step alon e can give Of what may be .
called proficiency in music therefore I acquired , ,
none .
1
S ys tems o f no tati w on t th er e n o en in u s e. t
O n e o f t h e mo s po pu
la r o f p
th e r es e n t d ay y t m w
- s s e s a s su b s e q u en l t y d i d by
ev s e th e
Wr it er s
’
b th
ro er h erem ti d T
en o ne . r.
E ver since my return from the H imalayas it

was a case of my getting more freedom more and ,
more The rule of the servants came to an end ;

.
I saw to it with many a device that the bonds of

my school life were also loosened ; nor to my home
tutors did I give much scope G yan Babu after .
,
“ ”
taking me through The Birth o f the War god -
and one o r two other books in a desultory fashion ,
went off to take U p a legal career Then came .
B raj a B abu The first day h e put me on to trans

.
“ ”
late The Vicar o f Wa kefi e ld I found that I .
did not dislike the book ; but when this encou raged
him to make more elaborate arrangements for the
advancement of my learning I made myself a l
together scarce .
As I have said my elders gave me u p N either

, .
I nor they were troubled with any more hopes o f

my future So I felt free to devote myself to filling
.
u p my manuscri p t book And the writings which

.
thu s filled it were no better than could have b een

expected M y mind had nothing in it but hot
.
vapour and vapou r filled bubbles frothed and

,
-
eddied round a vortex o f lazy fancy aimless and ,
unmeaning N o forms were evolved there was

.
,
only the distraction of movement a bubbling U p , ,
a bu rsting back into froth What little o f matter

.
there was in it was not min e but borrowed from ,
other poets What was my o w n was the restless

.
ness the seething tension within me When

,
.
motion has b e en born whil e yet the balance o f ,
forces has not matured then is there blind chaos ,
indeed .
M y sister i n law was a great lover o f literature

1 - -
.
S h e did not read simply to kill time but the B e n ,
gali books which she read filled her whole mind .
I was a partner in her literary enterprises S h e .
“ ”
was a devoted admirer o f The D ream Journey .
S o was I ; the more particularly as having been ,
brought u p in the atmosphere of its creation its ,
beauties had become intertwined with every fibre

o f my heart F ortunately it was entirely beyond
.
my power o f imitation so it never occurred to me ,
to attempt anything like it .
“ ”
The D ream Journey may be likened to a
sup e rb palace of Allegory with innumerable halls , ,
chambers passages corners and niches full o f

, ,
statu ary and pictures o f wonderful design and ,
w o i k ma n s hi p ; and in the grounds around gardens ,
bowers fountains and shady nooks in profusion

, .
N o t only do poetic thought and fancy abound b u t ,
the richness and variety o f language and expression

is also marvellous It is not a s mall thing this.
,
creative power which can bring into being so

magnificent a structure complete in all its artistic
1
Th e n ew b idr e of the h o u s e, w if e o f th e wr it er s
’
f
o u r th b th
ro er,
ab o vemen ti d
o ne . Tr .
132 MY REMINISCENCES
and one could get a fair idea of the intended mel

Ody .
l
When with eyes closed he raised his rich
deep voice its expressiveness made U p for what
,
it lacked in execution I still seem to hear some .
of his songs as he sang them I would also some .
times set his words to music and s mg them to him .
He was a great admirer of Valmiki and Kalidas .
I remember how once after reciting a description

of the Himalayas from Kalidas with the full
“
strength of his voice he said : The succession of ,
long a sounds here is not an accident The poet .
has deliberately repeated this sound all the way

from D eoa ta tma down to N a ga dh i r a j a a s an as
s i s t a n c e in realising the glorious ex p anse of the
”
Himalayas .
At the time the height of my ambition wa s to

become a poet like Vihari B abu I might have .
even succeeded in working myself u p to the belief

that I was actually writing like him but for my ,
sister i n law his zealou s devotee who stood in the

- -
, ,
way S h e would keep reminding me of a S anskrit

.
saying that the unworthy aspirant after poetic

fame departs in j ee rs ! Very possibly she knew that
if my vanity wa s once allowed to get the Upper
hand it would be di ffi cult afterwards to bring it
1
It m y b h lp f l t th f
a e e i g a d t x plai th at th p t
u o e o re n re er o e n e ex er
i g f I d ia m i i mp i m
s n er o n n us c lro v se sth t tlio re o r es s o n e u ne o u ne
ma d e o ve r t hi m b y t h
o i g i a l mp e or th at th latt
n cod t os e r , s o e e r n ee no
n eces s a i ly d m th a g i a
r o o re t i d a f h tli
n ve T
c o r rec e o s uc ou ne . r.
MY REMINISCENCES 133
under control So neither my poetic abilities nor

.
my powers of song readily r e ceived any praise from

her ; rather would she never let slip an O pportunity
of praising somebody else s singing at my expense ;
’
with the result that I gradually became quite con

v i n c e d of the defects of my voice M isgivings .
about my poetic powers also assailed me ; but as ,
this was the only field o f activity left in which I

had any chance of retaining my self respect I -
,
could not allow the j udgment o f another to deprive

me o f all hope ; moreover so insistent was the spu r
,
within me that to stop my poetic adventure wa s

a matter o f sheer impossibility .
( 29 ) P u bli s hi n g
M y writings so far had b e en confined to the

family circle Then wa s started the monthly called
.
the Gya n a n hu r Sp routing Knowledge and as b e

, , ,
fitt e d its name it secured an embryo poet as o n e

o f its contributors It began to publish all my
.
poetic ravings indiscriminately and to this day I ,
have in a corner of my mind the fear that when

, , ,
t h e day o f j udgment comes for me some en ,
t h u s i a s t i c literary police agent will institute a

-
search in the inmost zenana o f forgotten literatu re ,
regardless of the claims of privacy and bring these ,
out before the pitiless public gaze .

M y first prose writing also saw the light in the

pages of the Gya n a n hu r It was a critical e ssay .
and had a bit of a history .
A book of poems had been p ublished entitled

B h u ba n moh i n i P r a ti bh a 1
Akshay B abu in the .
S a dh a r a n i and B h u d eb B abu in the E du ca ti on

Ga z ette hailed this new poet with eff usive acclama
tion A friend of mine older than myself whose
.
, ,
friendship dates from then would come and show ,
me letters he had received signed B hu ba n mohi n i .
He was one of those whom the book had captivated

and u sed frequently to send reverential offerin g s
o f books or cloth to the address of the re p uted
1
authoress .
Some of these p oems were so wanting in restraint

both of thought and language that I could not
bear the idea o f their being written by a woman .
The letters th a t were shown to me made it still less

possible for me to believe in the womanliness of
the writer But my doubts did not sha ke my
.
friend s devotion and he went o n with the worship

’
o f his idol .
Then I launched into a criticism of the work of

this writer I let myself go and eruditely held
.
,
1
i w ld m a th g i f Bh b m h i
Th s ou e n
“
e en u s o u an o ni if th at b ta k
e en
th a th am ’
a s e u or s n e.
2
G ift f l th f
s o w a i g a pp a l
c o or use a s e r n re a re t ma y by
cu s o r
wa y f m ia l ff i g f a ff ti
o c ere on re p ot er n s o ec o n, s ec a
o r s e s on ab l g t
e ree
mg .
MY R EMINISCENCES
garded the ungerminated sprout within the seed ,
o r t h e undiscovered myster y under the dust cover
ing o f the earth M y e nthusiasm was kept u p with

.
the hope of b ringing to light some unknown

poetical gems as I went deeper and deeper into
the unexplored darkness of this treasure house -
.
While I was so en g aged the idea got hold o f me

,
o f enfolding my own writings in j ust such a wrap
ping o f mystery I had heard from Akshay Ch o w d

.
hu ry the story of the E nglish boy poet Chatterton

-
.
What his poetry was like I had no idea nor per ,
haps had Akshay B abu himself Had we known

.
,
the story might have lost its charm As it hap

.
pened the melodramatic element in it fired my

imagination ; for had not so many been deceived
by his successful imitation of the classics ? And
at last the unfortunate youth had died by his own
hand L eavin gaside the suicide part I girded Up
.
my loins to emulate young Chatterton s exploits’

.
One noon the clouds had gathered thickly R e .
j o i c i n g in the grateful shade of the cloudy midday

rest hou r I lay prone on the bed in my inner room
-
,
an d wrote on a slate the imitation M a i thi li p oem

Ca h a n a ku s u ma leu nj a ma j he
. I was greatly
pleased with it and lost no t 1me In reading it out
to the first o n e I came across ; of whose under
standin g a word of it there happened to be not the
slightest danger and who consequently could no t
,
but gravely nod and say G ood very goo d , ,

”
indeed !
To my friend mentioned a while ago I said o n e
“
d a y : f A tattered old manu script has been dis
covered while rummaging i n t h e / Adi B r a hma
S a ma j (library and from this I have copied some
poems by an o ld Vaishnava P oet named Bhanu
1
S ingha ; with which I read some of my imitation
“
poems to him ) He was profoundly stirred These
. .
could not have been writt e n even by Vi dya pa ti or

”
Ch a n di da s ! he rapturously exclaimed I really .
mu st have that M S to make over to Akshay B abu .
for publication .
Then I showed him my manuscript book and

conclusively proved that the poems could not have
been written by either Vi dya pa ti o r Ch a n di da s b e
cause the author happened to be myself M y .
“
friend s face fell as he muttered Y es yes they re
’
, , ,
’
”
not half bad .
( When these B hanu S ingha poems were coming

o u t in the B h a r a ti D r N i s h i k a n t a Chatterj ee was
, .
in G ermany He wrote a thesis o n the lyric poetry

.
of ou r country comparing it with that o f E urope .
Bhanu S ingha was given a place o f honour as one

of the old poets such as no modern writer could
1
The o ld V ai sh n a ap t d t b i g th i
v o e s u se o r n e r n am i t e n o the lat s
sta a f t h
nz o e p oe m th i i g t h i i g at
,
s s e rv n a s e r s n u re . Bha nu a n d R abi
b th m a t h
o e n e Su n . Tr .
13s MY REMINISCENCES
have aspired to This was the thesis o n which

.
N i s hi k a n t a Chatterj ee got his P h D ! . .
Whoever Bhanu S ingha might have been had ,
his writings fallen into the hands of latter day me -

,
I swear I would not have been deceived The .
language might have passed mu ster ; for that

which the old poets wrote in was n o t their mother
tongue but an artificial language varying in the
,
hands of diff erent poets But there was nothing

.
artificial about their sentiments Any attempt to .
test B hanu S ingha s poetry by its ring would have

’
shown u p the base m etal It had none o f the

.
ravishing melody o f o u r anci e nt pipes but only ,
the tinkle of a modern foreign barrel organ

, .
( 22 ) P a tr i oti s m
F rom an outside point o f view many a foreign

custom would appear to have gained entry into
ou r family but at its heart flames a national pride
,
which has never flickered The genuine regard .
which my father had f o r his country never forsook

him through all the revolutionary vicissitudes of
his life and this in his descendants has taken shape
,
as a strong patriotic feeling Love of country was

.
,
however by no means a characteristic o f the times

,
o f which I am writing Our edu cated men then

.
kept at arms length both the langu age and thought

’
1 49 MY REMINISCENCE S
fo r this apathy o f its local guardians I recited .
my poem under a tree at the Hindu M ela

and o n e o f my hearers was N abin Sen the poet , .
He reminded me o f this after I had grown

Up .
M y fourth brother Jyo t i ri n d ra was responsible

, ,
for a political association of which old R a j n a ra i n

Bos e was the president It held its sittings in a
.
tumbledown building in an obscure Calcutta lane .
Its proceedings were enshrouded in mystery This .
myst e ry was its only claim to be awe inspirin g -

,
for as a matter o f fact there was nothing in o u r

deliberations or doings of which government or
p eople need have been afraid The rest of o u r.
family had no idea where we were sp e nding our

afternoons Our front door would be locked the
.
,
meeting room in darkness the watchword a Ve dic

,
ma n tr a o u r talk in whispers
, These alon e pro
.
v i d e d u s with enough of a thrill and we wanted

,
nothing more M ere child as I was I also was a

.
,
member We su rrounded ourselves with such an

.
atmosphere o f pure frenzy that we always seemed

to b e soaring aloft on th e wings of ou r enthusiasm .
Of h a s t ln e s s di ffi dence or fe ar w e had non e

, ,
o u r main obj ect being to bask in the heat of our
own fervou r .
B ravery may sometimes have its drawbacks ;

but it has always maintained a deep hold on the
re verence o f mankind In the literature o f all

.
countries we find an u n fl a ggi n g e nd e avour to

ke e p alive this reverence So in whate ve r state a
.
particular set o f men in a particular locality may

be they cannot escape the constant impact o f
,
these stimulating shocks We had to be content

.
with responding to such shocks as b e st we could

, ,
by letting loose ou r imagination coming together

, ,
talking tall and singin g ferve ntly .
There can be no doubt that closing U p all o u t

lets and barring all openings to a faculty so deep
seated in the nature of man and moreover so
,
prized by him creates an unnatu ral condition

,
favourable to degenerat e activity It is not e nough

.
to keep open only the ave nues to cl e rical employ

ment in any comprehensive scheme o f Imperial
—
G overnment i f no road be l e ft f o r adventurou s
daring the soul o f man will pin e for delive rance ,
and secret p assages still be sought o f which the ,
pathways are tortuou s and the end unthinkable .
I firmly believe that if in those days Govern

ment had paraded a frightfulness born of su spicion ,
then the comedy which the youthful members o f

this association had been at might hav e turned
into grim tragedy The play however is over
.
, , ,
not a brick of F ort William is any the worse

-
,
an d we are now smiling at its m e mo ry .
M y brother Jyo t i ri n d ra began to busy himself

with a national costume f o r all India and sub ,
mi tt ed various designs to the association The .
Dh oti was not deemed bu siness like ; trousers were -
too foreign ; so he hit U p on a com p romise which

considerably detracted from the dhoti while
failing to improve the trousers That is to say .
,
the trousers were decorated with the addition

o f a false dhoti fold in front and behind
-
The .
fearsome thing that resulted from co mb i n 1n g a

turban with a S ola topee o u r most enthusiastic
-
member would not have had the temerity to call

ornamental No person of ordinary courage
.
could have dared it but my brother u n fl i n ch i n gly

,
wore the complete suit in broad day light passing -

,
through the house o f an afternoon to the carria g e

waiting outside indiff erent alike to the stare
,
o f relation or friend door keeper o r coachman

,
-
.
There may be many a brave Indian ready to

die f o r his country but there are but few I
, ,
am sure who even for the good o f the nation

,
would face the public streets in such p an Indian -
garb .
E very Sunday my brother would get u p a

S hi ka r party M any o f those who joined in it
.
,
uninvited we did n o t even know There was a

, .
carpent e r a smith and oth e rs from all ranks of

,
societ y Bloodshed was the only thing lacking in

.
this s ki /ea r at least I cannot recall any Its other

, .
party He owned a villa o n t h e river sid e One

. .
d ay we had a picnic there toge ther in defiance ,
of caste rules In the afternoon there was a t re

.
mendo n s storm We stood on the river side stairs

.
-
leading into the water and shouted o u t songs to

its accompaniment I cannot truthfully ass e rt
.
that all the seven notes of the scale could prop e rly
b e distinguished in R a j n a r a i n Babu s S i ngin g
’
,
neverth e l e ss he sent forth his voice and as in the ,
old S anskrit works the text is drowned by the

notes so in R a j n a ra i n Babu s mu sical efforts t h e
,
’
vigorous play of his limbs and featur e s ov e r

whelmed his feebl e r vocal p e rformance ; his head
swung from side to side marking tim e while the ,
storm played havoc with his flowing beard It was .
lat e in t h e night when we turned homewar d s in a

hackney carriage By that time the storm clouds
.
had dispersed and the stars twinkled forth The .
d arkness had become intense the atmosphere

,
silent the village roads deserted and the thickets

, ,
on e ither side filled with fireflies like a carnival of

sparks scatt e red in some nois e l e ss rev e lry .
One o f the obj ects of our association was to

encourage the manufacture of lucifer matches ,
and similar small industries F o r this purpose

.
each member had to contribute a tenth of his

income M atch e s had to be made but match
.
,
wood was di ffi cult to ge t ; for though we all know

with what fiery energy a bundle of bh a n gr a s 1
can be wielded in capable hands t h e thing that ,
burns at its touch is not a lamp wick After many .
experiments we succ e eded in making a boxful of

match e s The patriotic e nthusiasm which wa s
.
thus evidenced did not constitute th e ir only value ,
for the money that was sp e nt in th e ir making

might have served to light t h e family hearth for
t h e spac e of a year Another little de fect was that .
these matches could not be got to burn unless

there was a light handy to touch them u p with .
If they could only have inherited some of the

patriotic flame of which they were born they
might have been marketable even to day - .
N ews came to u s that some young student

was trying to make a power loom Off we went .
to see it None of us had t h e k n o wle dge with

.
_
which to test its p ractical us e fulness but in o u r ,
capacity for beli eving and h O pi n g we were i n

f e ri o r to none The poor fellow had got into a bit
.
o f debt over the cost of his machine which we
repaid for him Then one day we found B raj a

.
Babu comin g over to o u r house with a flimsy

1
d i d d t i pp d t v i f a
Th e r e an s r a e cen re- e n o co co nu t l af g i a l g
e v es on
ta p i g ti k f t h a a g th i k
er n s c o f a mat h
e ve r e c nes s o c s ti k d a b d l
c ,
a n un e
of th g t ma k th mm B e g a l h
es e oes o e e co on n o us e h ld b
o m wh i h
ro o c
i th h a d
n e f th h
n w if i p p la ly
s o e pp ous e e s o u r su o se dt b o f li e u se u n
k p i g th w h l h
ee n h ld i
e d f m h ba
o e ouse o n or er ro us n d d w wa d I t
o n r s. s
efl t ec a ba ba k i h all d d t T
on re
— c s e re u e o . r.
MY R EMINISCENCES
country towel tied round his head M ade in .
”
our loom ! he sh o ut e d as with hands u p lifted he
executed a war dance The outside of B raj a
-
.
B abu s head had then already begun to ri p en into

’
grey !
At last some worldly wise p eo p le came and
-
join e d our society made u s taste of the fruit o f

,
knowledge and brok e u p o u r little paradise

,
.
When I first knew R a j n a ra i n Babu I was not ,
o ld enough to appr e ciate his many sidedness In -

.
him were combined many opposites In spite of .
his hoary hair and beard he was as young as the

youngest of u s his venerable exterior serving only
,
as a white mantle for keeping his youth perpetually

fresh E ven his extensive learning had not been
.
able to do him any damage for it left him a b s o,
lu te ly simple To the end of his life the incessant

.
flow of his hearty laughter su ff ered no check ,
neither from the gravity o f age nor ill health ,

-
,
nor domestic affliction nor p rofundity of thought

, ,
nor variety o f knowledge all o f which had been

,
his in ample measure He had been a favourit e

.
pupil o f R ichardson and brought U p in an a t

mo s ph e re of E nglish learning neverth eless he ,
flung aside all obstacles due to his early habit and

gave himself u p lovingly and devotedly to Ben
gali literature Though t h e meekest of men he
.
,
was full of fire which flamed its fiercest in his

1 4s MY REMINISCENCES
o fits youth when it had not become hardened

,
and cru sty it was eff usively volcanic and i n

,
d u lge d in many a wild e scapade In the days of

.
man s first youth the same sort of thing happens

’
.
S o long as the materials which go to form his life

have not taken o n their final shape they are apt
to be turbulent in the process o f their formation .
This was the time when my brother Jyo t i ri n d r a

decided to start the B h a r a ti with ou r eldest brother
as editor giving u s fresh food for enthusiasm
, .
I wa s then j ust sixteen b u t I was n o t left o u t

,
o f the editorial sta ff A short time before in all

.
,
the insolence o f my youthful vanity I had written ,
a criticism o f the M egh a n a da ba d ha As acidity .
is characteristic of the unripe mango so is abuse

of the immature critic When other powers are
.
lacking the power of pricking seems to be at its

,
sharpest I had thu s sought immortality by

.
leaving my scratches o n that immortal epic This .
impudent criticism was my first contribution to

the Bharati .
In the first volume I also published a lon g

poem called K a s i lea h i n i The P oet s S tory It
,
’
.
was the product of an age when the writer had

seen practically nothin g of the world except an
exaggerated image o f his own n e bulou s self S o .
the hero of the sto ry was naturally a poet not the ,
writer as he was but as he imagined or desire d

,
himself to seem It would hardly be correct to

.
say that he desired to be what he portrayed ;

that represented more what he thought was
expected of him what would make the world
,
“
admiringly nod and say : Y es a poet indeed , ,
”
quite the correct thing In it was a great parade
.
of universal love that pet subj ect of t h e budding

,
poet which sounds as big a s it is easy to talk

,
about While yet any truth has not d awn e d

.
upon one s own mind and others words are one s

’
,
’ ’
only stock— i n trade simplicity and restraint in ex

-
,
pression a re not possible Then in the endeavou r

.
,
to display magnified that which is really big in

itself it becomes impossible to avoid a grotesque
,
and ridiculous exhibition .
When I blush to read these effusions o f my

boyhood I am also struck with the fear that ve ry
possibly in my later writings the same distortion ,
wrought by straining after e ff ect lurks in a less ,
obviou s form The loudness of my voice I doubt

.
,
not often drowns t h e thing I would say ; and some

,
day o r other Time will find me out .
The K a oi ha h i n i was the first work o f mine to

appear in book form When I went with my.
s e cond brother to Ahmedabad some enthusiastic ,
friend o f mine took me by surprise by printin g

and publishin g it and s e nding me a copy I can .
not say that he did well but the feeling that was
,
MY R EMINISCENCES
roused in me at the time did n o t resemble that

o f an indignant j udge He got his punishment
.
,
however not from the author but from the public

, ,
who hold the pu rse strings I have heard that.
the dead load o f the books lay f o r many a long ,
day heavy on the shelves of the booksellers and

,
the mind of the luckless publisher .
Writings of the age at which I began to con

tribute to the B h a r a ti cannot possibly be fi t for
p ublication There is no better way of ensu ring
.
repentance at matu rity than to rush into print

too early But it has o n e redeeming feature : the
.
irresistible impulse to see one s writings in p rint ’
exhausts itself during early life Who are the .
readers what do they say what p rinters errors

, ,
’
have remained uncorrected these and the like ,
worries run their course as infantile maladies

and leave one leisu re in later life to attend to one s ’
literary work in a healthier frame o f mind .
Bengali literature is not old enough to have

elaborated those internal checks which can serve
to control its votaries As experience in writing
.
is gained the B e ngali writer has to evolve the

restraining forc e from within himself This makes .
it impossible for him to avoid the creation of a

g reat d e al of rubbish during a considerable length
o f time. The ambition to work wonders with t h e
modest gifts at one s disposal is bound to be an
’
P AR T V
1 56 MY R EMINIS CENCE S
No t that I could not make anything of the text ,
but it spoke to me more like inarticulate cooings

than words In my brother s library I also found
.
’
a book o f collected S anskrit poems edited by D r .
H a b e rli n and printed at the old S e rampore press .
This was also beyond my understanding but the

sonorous S anskrit words and the march o f the
,
metre kept me tramping among the A ma r u

,
S h a ta ha poems to the mellow roll o f their drum

call .
In the Upper room o f the p alace tower wa s my

lonely hermit cell my only companions being a
,
nest o f wasps In the unreli eved darkness of the

.
night I slept there alone Sometimes a wasp o r

.
two would drop off the nest o n to my bed and ,
if perchance I happened to roll o n o n e the meet ,
ing was unpleasing to the was p and keenly dis

comforting to me .
On moonlight nights pacing round and round

the extensive terrace overlooking the river w a s
o n e o f my caprices It was while so doing that I
.
first composed my o w n tunes for my songs The .
song addressed to the R ose maiden was o n e o f-
these and it still finds a p lace in my published

,
works .
F inding how imperfect was my knowledge o f

E nglish I set to work reading through some E n g
lish books with the help o f a dictionary F ro m .
my earliest years it was my habit not to let any

want of complete comprehension interfere with
my reading on q uite satisfi e d with t h e structure
,
which my imagination reared o n the bits which

I understood here and there I am reaping even.
to day both the good and bad e ff ects o f this habit

-
.
( 25 ) E n gla n d
After six months thu s spent in Ahmedabad

we started for E ngland In an unlucky moment
.
I be g an to write letters about my j ourney to my

relatives and to the B ha r a ti N o w it is beyond
.
my power to call them back These were nothing

.
but the outcome o f youthful bravado At that .
age the mind refuses to admit that its greatest

pride is in its power to understand to accept to , ,
respect ; and that modesty is the best means o f

enlarging its domain Admiration and praise a re
.
looked u p on a s a sign of weakness o r surrender ,
and the desire to cry down and hu rt and demolish

with argument gives rise to this ki nd o f intellectual
fi reworks These attempts o f mine to establish
.
my superiority by revilement might have occa

s i o n e d me amusement to day had not th eir want
-
,
o f strai g htness and common cou rtesy been t oo
painful.
F rom my earliest years I had had practically no

MY R EMINISCENCES
commerce with the outside world To be p lunged .
in this state at the age of 1 7 into the midst of

, ,
the social sea of E ngland would have j u stified

considerable misgiving a s to my being able to
keep afloat B Ut as my sister i n law happened
.
- -
to be in Brighton with her children I weathered
the fi rst shock o f it und e r her shelter .
Winter was then approaching One evening .
as we were chatting round the fireside the children ,
came running to u s with the exciting news that

it had been snowing We at once went o u t It
. .
was bitingly cold the sky filled with white moon

,
light the earth cover e d with white snow It was

,
.
not the face of N ature familiar to me but some ,
—
thing quite di ff erent like a dream E verything .
near seeme d to have receded fa r away leaving ,
the still white figure of an asc e tic steeped in deep

meditation The sudden revelation on the mere
.
,
st epping outside a door o f such wonderful such

, ,
immense beauty had nev e r before come upon me .
M y days passed merrily under the a ffectionate

care of my sister i n law and in boisterous rom p
- -
ings with the children They were g reatly tickled

.
at my curious E nglish pronunciation and though ,
in the rest o f th e ir games I could whol e heartedly -
join this I fail e d to see the fun of How could I

,
.
explain to them that there was no logical means

o f distin g uishing between the sound o f a in warm
of the Creator in the matter o f my making On .
many another occasion finding myself estimated ,
by my E nglish acqu aintances differently from

what I had been accustomed to be by her I wa s ,
led to seriou sly worry my mind over the diver

gence in the standard o f taste between the two
countries !
One thing in the B righton school seemed very
wonderful : the other boys were not at all rude to
me On the contrary they would O ften thrust
.
oranges and apples into my pockets and ru n

away I can only ascribe this uncommon b e
.
haviou r of theirs to my being a foreigner .
—
I was not long in this school either but t h at
was no fault o f the school M r Tarak P alit 1
. .
was then in E ngland He could see that this .
was not the way for me to get o n and prevailed ,
U pon my brother to allow him to take me to

L ondon and leave me there to myself in a lodging
,
hou se The lodgings selected faced the R egent

.
G ardens It was then the depth o f winter There

. .
was not a leaf on the row o f trees in front which

stood starin g at the sky with their scraggy snow
—
covered branches a sight which chilled my very
bones .
F o r the newly arrived stranger there can hardly
1
L att ly S i
er r T a a k Pa lit a lif
r , l
e- o n gfi d
r en o f the wr it ’
!
er s s econ d
b th
ro er . Tr .
be a more cruel place than London in winter I .
knew no o n e nea r by nor could I find my way

,
about The days o f sitting alone at a window

.
,
gazing at the outside world came back into my ,
life But the scene in this case was not attractive

. .
There wa s a frown o n its countenance ; the sky

tu rbid ; the light lacking lustre like a dead man s ’
eye ; the horizon shrunk Upon itself ; with never an

inviting smile from a broad hospitable world T h e .
room was but scantily fu rnished but there hap ,
pened to be a harmonium which after the daylight ,
came to its u ntimely end I u sed to play Upon

,
according to my fancy Sometimes Indians would

.
come to see me ; and though my acquaintance with

,
them was but slight when they rose to leave I felt

,
inclined to hold them back by their coat tails -

.
While living in these rooms there was o n e who

came to teach me L atin His g aunt figure with
.
its worn o u t clothing seemed no more able than

-
the naked trees to withstand the winter s grip I ’

.
do not know what his age was but he clearly looked

older than his years S ome days in the course o f
.
o u r lessons he would suddenly be at a loss for some
word and look vacant and ashamed His p eople .
at home counted him a crank He had become .
possessed of a theory He believed that in each

.
age some one dominant idea is manifested in every

human society in all parts of the world ; and though
it may take different shap e s under differe nt degrees

of civilisation it is at bottom one and the sam e ;
,
nor is such idea taken from one by anoth e r by

any process of adoption for this truth holds good
,
even where there is no int e rcourse His great pre

.
occu p ation was the gath e ring and recording of

facts to prove this theory And while so engag e d
.
his hom e lacked food his body clothes His

,
.
daughters had but scant resp e ct for his theory and

were perhap s constantly Upbraiding him for his
infatuation Some days one could see from his
face that he had lighted upon some new proof and ,
that his thesis had correspondingly advanced On .
th e se occasions I would broach the subj ect and ,
wax e nthusiastic at his enthu siasm On other days

.
he would be steeped in gloom as if his burden was

,
too heavy to bear Then would o u r lessons halt

.
at every step ; his eyes wander away into em p ty

space ; and his mind refuse to be dragged into the
pages o f the first L atin G rammar I felt keenly .
for the poor body starved theory burdened soul

- -
,
and though I was under no delusion as to the as

si s t a n c e I got in my L atin I could not make U p
,
my mind to get rid o f him This p retence of.
learning L atin lasted as long as I was at these lo dg

ings When o n the eve of leaving them I offered
.
to settle his dues he said piteously : I have done

nothin g and only wasted your time I cannot a c
, ,
1 64 MY R EMINI S CENCES
and my two little restlessly playful companions .
I was nevertheless sometimes tormented with

questionings as to why when my ey e s were s o ,
surfeited with beauty my m i nd satu rated with

,
joy and my leisure fille d days crossing over the

,
-
limitless blue of space freighted with unalloyed

happiness th e re should be no call o f poetry to me
,
.
S o one day o ff I went along the rocky shore armed ,
with M S book and umbrella to fulfil my po e t s

.
,
’
destiny The spot I selected was o f undoubte d

.
beauty for that did not depend on my rhyme o r

,
fancy There was a flat bit of overhanging rock

.
reaching out a s with a perp etual ea g erness over

the waters ; rocked on the foam fl ec k e d waves o f -
the liquid blu e in front the sunny sky slept smil

,
i n gly to its lullaby ; behind the shade of the fringe,
o f pines lay spread like the slipped o ff garment o f
some languorou s wood nymph E nthroned o n .
that seat o f stone I wrote a poem M a gn a ta r i ( the

sunken boat) I might have believed to—
. day that
it was good had I taken the precaution o f sinking
,
it then in the sea But such c o nsolation is not

.
open to me for it happ e ns to be existing in the

,
body ; and though banished from my published

works a writ might yet cause it to be produced
, .
The messenger o f duty however was not idle .
A g ain came its call and I returned to London .
This time I found a refuge in the household of

Dr S cott One fine evening with bag and baggage

. .
I invaded his home Only the white haired D octor

.
,
his wife and their eldest daughter were there The .
two younger girls alarmed at this incursion o f an

,
Indian stranger had gone o ff to stay with a relative .
I think they came back home only after th ey go t

the news o f my not being dangerous .
In a very short time I became like o ne o f the

family M r s S cott treated me a s a son and the
. .
,
heartfelt kindness I got from her daughters is rare

even from one s own relations
’
.
One thing stru ck me when living in this family

that human natu re is everywhere the same We .
are fond of saying and I also believed that t h e

, ,
devotion o f an Indian wife to her husband is some

thing unique and not to be found in E urope But
, .
I at least was unable to discern any differenc e

between M rs S cott and an ideal Indian wife Sh e
. .
was entirely wrapped Up in her husband With .
their modest means there was no fussing abou t

o f to o many servants and M r s S cott attended to
,
.
every detail of her hu sband s wants herself B e

’
.
fore he came back home from his work o f an even

ing she would a rrange his arm chair and woollen
,
-
slippers before the fire with her own hands S h e .
would never allow herself to forget f o r a momen t

the things he liked o r the behaviou r which pleased
,
him S h e would go over the house every morning

.
,
with their only maid from attic to kitchen and

, ,
the brass rods on the stairs and the door knobs and
fi ttings would be scrubbed and polished till they
shone again Over and above this domestic routine
.
there were the many calls o f social duty Aft e r .
getting through all her daily duties s h e would j oin

with ! est in our evening readings and music for ,
it is not the least o f the duties of a good housewife

to make real the gaiety of the leisure hour .
Some evenings I would j oin the girls in a table

tu rning seance We would place o u r fingers o n a
.
small tea table and it would go capering about the

room It go t to be so that whatever we touched
.
began to quake and quiver M r s S cott did not . .
quite like all this Sh e would sometimes gravely

.
shake her head and say she had her doubts about
its being right Sh e bore it bravely however not
.
, ,
liking to put a damper o n o u r youthful spirits .
But o n e day when we pu t o u r hands o n D r S cott s .

’
chimneypot to make it turn that wa s too much ,
for her Sh e rushed u p in a great state of mind

.
and forbade u s to touch it S h e could not bear.
the idea of S atan having anything to do even f or a ,
moment with her husband s head gear

,
’
-
.
In all her actions her reverence f o r her husband

was the one thing that stood out The memo ry o f .
her sweet self abnegation makes it clear to me that

-
the Ultimate perfection o f all womanly love is to

said : Si r you have given me a gold piece by

,
”
mistake with which he offered to return it to
,
me I might not have particularly remembered

.
this but for a similar thing which happened o n

,
another occasion When I first reached the Tor

.
quay railway station a porter took my luggage to

the cab outside After searching my purse f o r
.
small change in vain I gave him half a crown a s

,
- -
the cab started After a while he came running

.
after u s shouting to the cabman to stop I thought

, .
to myself that finding me to be such an innocent

he had hit upon some excuse for demanding more .
“
As the cab stopped he said : Yo u must have mis
”
taken a half crown piece for a penny Si r !
-
,
I cannot say that I have never been cheated

while in E ngland but not in any way which it
,
would be fair to hold in remembrance What grew .
chiefly upon me rather was t h e co n v i c ti o n that

, ,
'
only those who are trustworthy know how to

tru st I was an unknown foreigner and could
.
,
have easily evaded payment with impunity yet ,
no London shopkeeper eve r mistru sted me .
D u ring the whole period of my stay in E ngland

I was mi xed u p in a farcical comedy which I had
to p lay o u t from sta rt to fi nish I happened to get .
acquainted with the widow of some de p arted high

Anglo Indian o fli c i a l Sh e was good enough to
- .
call me by the pet name R uby S ome Indian -

.
friend o f hers had composed a doleful poem in

E nglish in memory o f her hu sband It is needless .
to expatiate o n its poetic merit o r felicity o f dic

tion As my ill luck would have it t h e com p oser
.
-
,
had indicated that the dirge was to be chanted to

the mode B eh a ga .So the widow o n e day e n
treated me to sing it to her thu s Like the silly .
innocent that I was I weakly acceded There

, .
was unfortunately no one there but I who could

realise the atrociou sly ludicrou s way in which the
B eh a ga mode combined with those absurd verses .
The widow seemed intensely touched to hear the

Indian s lament for her husband sung to its native
’
melody I thought that there the matter ended

.
,
but that was not to be .
I frequently met the widowed lady at diff erent

social gatherings and when after dinner we joined
,
the ladies in the drawing room s he would ask me ,
to sing that B eh a ga E veryone else would antici

.
pate some extraordinary specimen o f Indian music

and would add their entreaties to hers Then .
from her pocket would come forth printed copies

o f that fateful composition and my ears begin to
,
redden and tingle And at last with bowed head

.
,
and qu avering voice I would have to make a b e

—
ginning but too keenly conscious that to none
else in the room but me was this performance suffi
c i e n tly heartrendin g At the end amidst much
.
,
1 70 MY RE MINISCENCES
suppressed tittering there would come a choru s

,
“ ” “ ”
of Thank you very mu ch ! How interesting !
And in spite of its being winter I would perspire all
over Who would have predicted at my birth or
.
at his death what a severe blow to me would be

the demise of this estimable Anglo Indian ! -
Then for a time while I was living with D r

, , .
S cott and attending lectures at the U niversity

College I lost touch with the widow
,
S h e was .
in a suburban locality some distance away from

L ondon and I frequently got letters from her
,
inviting me there But my dread of that dirge

.
kept me from accepting these invitations At .
length I got a pressing telegram from her I was .
o n my way to college when this telegram reached
me and my stay in E ngland was then about to

come to its close I thought to myself I ought to
.
see the widow once more before my departu re and ,
so yielded to her importunity .
Instead of coming home from college I went

straight to the railway station It was a horrible
.
day bitterly cold snowing and foggy The station

, , .
I was bound for was the terminus o f the line So .
I felt quite easy in mind and did not think it worth

while to inquire about the time o f arrival .
All the station platforms were coming o n the

right hand side and in the right hand corner seat
,
I had ensconced myself reading a book It had .

1 72 M Y R E M I N I S C E N CE S
form lamp went o n with my reading The book .
I had with me was S pencer s D a ta of E th i cs then

’
,
recently published I consoled myself with the

.
thought that I might never get another such o p

p o r t u n i t y of concentrating my whole attention o n
such a subj ect .
After a short time a p orter came and informed

me that a special was runnin g and would be in in
half an hour I felt so cheered u p by the news
.
that I could not go on any longer with the D a ta of

E thi cs
. Where I was due at seven I arrived at
”
length at nine . What is this R uby ? asked my
,
“
hostess Whatever have you been doing with
”
yourself ? I was unable to take much pride in
the account o f my wonderful adventures which I
'
gave her Dinner was o ver ; nevertheless as my

.
,
misfortune was hardly my fault I did not expect ,
condign punishment especially as the dispenser

,
was a woman But all that the widow of the high

.
“
Anglo Indian official said to me was : Come along
-
,
”
R uby have a cup o f tea
,
.
I never was a tea— drinker but in the hope that

,
1 t mi g ht be of some assistance in alla y ing my con
s u mi n g hunger I managed to swallow a c u p o f
stron g decoction with a couple o f dry biscuits .
When I at len gth reached the drawing room I found

a gathering o f elderl y ladies and among them o n e
pretty young A merican who was engaged to a
n e p hew o f my hostess and seemed busy going

through the u sual premarital love passages .
“
L et s have some dancing said my hostess I
’
, .
was neither in the mood n o r bodily condition f o r

th at exercise But it is the docile who achieve the
.
most impossible things in this world ; so though ,
the dance was primarily got Up f o r the benefit o f

the engaged couple I had to dance with the ladies
,
o f considerably advanced age with only the tea

,
and biscuits between myself and starvation .
“
But my sorrows did n o t end here Wh ere are .
”
y o u putting u p f o r the night ? asked my hostess .
This was a question for which I was n o t prepared .
While I stared at her speechless she explained

, ,
that as the local inn would close at midnight I had

better betake myself thither without further delay .
Hospitality however was n o t entirely wanting for

, ,
I had n o t to find the inn unaided a servant show ,
ing me the way there with a lantern At fi rst I .
thought this might prove a blessing in disguise ,
and at once proceeded to make inquiries f o r food

flesh fish or veg e table h o t o r cold anythin g ! I
, , ,
was told that drinks I could have in any va riety

but nothing to eat Then I looked to slumber f o r
.
forgetfulness but there seemed to be n o room

,
even in her world embracing lap The sand stone

- .
-
floor of the bed room was icy cold an o ld bedstead

-
,
and worn o u t wash stand bein g its only furniture

- - .
In the morning the Anglo Indian widow sent

-
for me to breakfast I found a cold repast spread

.
o u t evidently the remnants of last night s dinner

’
.
,
A small p ortion o f this lukewarm o r cold offered

, ,
to me last night could not have hurt anyone whil e ,
my dancing might then have been less like the

agonised wrigglings of a landed carp .
After breakfast my hostess informed me that

the lady for whose delectation I had been invited
to sing was ill in bed and that I would have to
,
serenade her from her bed room door I was made

-
.
to stand u p on the staircase landing Pointing to.
“
a closed door the widow said : That s where she ’
”
is
. And I gave voice to that B eh a ga dirge facing
the mysteriou s unknown on the other side Of .
what happened to the invalid as the result I have

yet received no news .
After my return to London I had to exp iate in

bed the consequences o f my fatuous complaisance .
D r S cott s girls implored me on my conscience

’
.
, ,
not to take this as a sampl e o f E nglish hospitality .
It was the e ffect o f In d ia s salt they p rotested

’
, .
had a headache in my life nor a moment o f co m

,
punction for interrupted school studies .
With o u r laughter a s an almost u nbroken a c

co mpa n i men t we managed also to do a bit o f lit
c rary discussion and though Lo k e n s reading o f

’
, ,
Bengali literatu re was less extensive than mine he ,
made u p fo r that by the keenness o f his intellect .
Among the subj ects we discussed was Bengali

orthography .
The way it arose was this One of the S cott girls

.
wanted me to teach her Bengali When taking her .
through the alphabet I expressed my p ride that

Bengali spelling has a conscience and does not ,
delight in overstepping rules at every ste p I made .
clear to her how laughable would have been the

waywardness o f E nglish spelling b u t for the tragic
compulsion we were under to cram it for o u r ex
a m1 n a t 10 n s
. B u t my pride had a fall It trans .
p i r e d that Bengali spelling was quite as impatient

of bondage but that habit had blinded me to its
,
transgressions .
Then I began to search for the laws regulating

l t S lawlessness . I was quite surprised at the won
d er f u l assistance which Loken proved to be in this
matter .
After L oken had got into the Indian Civil S erv

ice and retu rned home the work which had in
, , ,
the U niversity College library had its source in

rippling merriment flowe d on in a widening stream

, .
Lo k en s boisterous delight in literature was as the

’
wind in the sails o f my literary adventu re And .
when at the height of my youth I was driving the

tandem o f prose and p oetry at a furiou s rate ,
L o k e n s unstinted ap p reciation kept my energie s

’
from flagging for a moment M any an ext r a o r .
d i n a ry prose o r poetical flight have I taken in his

bungalow in the mo ff u s s i l On many an occasion .
did o u r literary and mu sical gatherings assembl e

under the auspices of the evening star to disperse ,
as did the lamplights at the breezes o f dawn under ,
the morning star .
1
Of the many lotus flowers at S a r a s wa ti s feet ’
the blossom o f friendshi p mu st be her fav orite .
I have n o t come across much o f golden p ollen in

her lotu s bank but have nothing to complain o f
,
a s regards the p rofusion o f the sweet savour o f

good fellowshi p
-
.
( 27 ) The B r oken H ea r t
While in E ngland I began ano ther p oem which ,
I went o n with du ring my journey home and ,
finished after my retu rn This was published .
under the name o f E ka gna H r ida y The Broken ,
1 S a ra swati , th eg dd
o f l a i g i d p i ted
es s o e rn n ,
s e c in B eng a l a s ad
cl
i n wh it
e a nd s e at d a m g a ma f l tu fl w
e on ss o o s o ers . Tr .
Heart At the time I thought it very good There

. .
was nothing strange in the writer s thinkin g so ; ’
but it did not fail to gain the appreciation o f the

readers o f the time as well I remember how .
,
after it came o u t the chief minister of the late

,
R aj a of Ti p perah called on me solely to deliver

the message that the R aj a admired the poem
and entertained high ho p es o f the writer s future ’
literary career .
About this poem of my eighteenth year let me

set down here what I wrote in a letter when I wa s
thirty
When I b ega n to write th e B ha gn a H r i da y I was
e igh t e en
— n ei t he r i n my c hil d ho o d n o r my y ou th .
T h i s b o r d e rl a n d a ge i s n o t illu mi n e d w ith t h e d i r ec t
r a y s o f T ru t h ;
—i t s refl ec t i o n i s s een h e r e a n d th ere ,
a n d th e r e s t i s s h a d o w .A n d li k e tw iligh t s h a d e s i t s ,
i magi n i n gs a re l o n g d rawn a n d v agu e ma k i n g th e

-
,
real wo rl d s eem li k e a w o r l d o f pha n ta s y Th e cu rio u s.
a r t o f it i s t ha t n o t o n l y w a s I e i ghte en b ut ev e ry o n e
p ,
arou n d me s eeme d to b e eigh teen li k ewi se ; a n d we all

fl i tted a b o u t i n th e s a me b a s el e s s s u b s ta n cel es s wo rl d
,
o f i ma gi n a t i o n wh e r e ev e n t h e mo s t i n t en s e j o y s a n d
,
s o r r o w s s e eme d li k e th e j o y s a n d s o r r o w s o f d r e a mla n d .
T h e re b ei n g n o thi n g real to w eigh them a gai n st th e ,
t riv i a l d i d d uty f o r the g reat .
This period of my life from the age o f fi fteen,
o r sixteen to twenty two o r twenty three was

- -
,
o n e o f utter disorderliness .
free play to o u r desires and prevents them from ,
reaching their real goal and that is why it is a l ,
ways accompanied by festering untruths and

extravagances When o u r desires find unlimited
.
freedom in good work th e y shake off their dis

eased condition and come back to their o w n na
—
tu re ; that is their true end there also i s the j oy ,
o f their being .
The condition o f my immature mind which I

have describ e d was fostered both by the example
and precept of the time and I am not sure that ,
the effects o f these are not lingering o n to the

present day G lancing back at the period o f
.
which I tell it strikes me that we had gained

,
more o f stimulation than o f nourishment o u t o f

E nglish L iterature Our literary gods th e n were
.
S hakespeare M ilton and Byron ; and the quality

,
in their work which stirred u s most was strength

o f passion . In the social life o f E nglishmen pas
s i o n a t e outbursts are kept severely in check for ,
which very reason perhaps they so dominate their

, ,
literature making its characteristic to be the

,
working out o f extravagantly vehement fe e lings

to an inevitable c o n fl a gr a t i o n At l e ast this u m .
controlled excitement was what we learnt to look

o n as the quintessence o f E nglish literatur e .
In the impetuous declamation o f E n g lish poetry

by Akshay Chowdhury o u r initiator into E nglish
,
Moo nli gh t
The spirit o f this bacchanalian r evelry of E urop e

found entrance into our d e mur e ly well b e hav e d -
social world wok e u s up and made u s livel y

, , .
We were dazzled by the glow of unfett e red li f e

which fell Upon ou r cu stom smothered heart -
,
pining for an opportunity to disclose itself .
There was another such day in E nglish literatu r e

when the slow measure of P ope s common time
-
’
g ave place to the dance rhythm of the F rench

-
revolution This had Byron for its poet And

. .
the impetuosity of his passion also moved ou r

veiled h e art bride in the seclusion of her corner
-
.
In this wise did the excitement o f the pu rsuit

o f E nglish literature come to sway the heart of
t h e youth of our time and at mine the waves of

,
this excitement k e pt beating from e v e ry sid e .
The first awak e ning is the time for the play of

energy not its re pression
,
.
And yet our case was so different from that of

E urope .There the excitability and impati e nce
of bondage was a reflection from its history into
its literature Its expression was consistent with
.
its feeling The roaring of the storm was hear d

.
b e cause a storm was r e ally raging The breeze .
therefrom that ruffled our little world sound e d

in reality but little above a murmu r Th e rein it .
failed to satisfy o u r minds so that our attempts

,
to imitate th e blast of a hurricane led u s easily

MY R EM INI S CE N CE S 1 83
—
into exaggeration a ten d e ncy which still per
,
sists and may not prove easy o f cure .
And for this t h e fact that in E n g lish literatu re

,
the reticenc e of true art has not yet app e ar e d ,
is r e sponsible Human e moti o n is only one of

.
the in g redients o f literature and not its end ,
which is t h e beauty o f p e rfe ct fuln e ss consistin g

in simplicity and restraint This is a proposi .
tion which E n g lish literature does not yet fully

admit .
Ou r minds from infancy to o ld age are b e i n g

mould e d by this E nglish literature alone But .
other lite ratures of E urop e both classical and ,
modern of which the art form shows t h e well

,
-
nou rished development due to a syste matic culti

vation of s e lf control are not subj ects of o u r
-
,
study ; and so as it s e ems to me we are yet unabl e

, ,
to arrive at a correct perception o f the true aim

and method o f literary work .
Akshay Babu who had made the passion in

,
E nglish literature living to u s was himself a ,
votary o f the emotional life The importance of .
r e alising truth in the fulness o f its perfe cti o n

s e emed less apparent to him th an that of fe eling
it in the h e art He had no int e llectual respect
.
for religion but songs of S hya mci the dark M oth e r

'
, , ,
would bring tears to his eyes He felt no call to .
s e arch for Ultimate reality ; whate ver moved his

heart served him for the time as the truth even ,
obviou s coarseness not provin g a deterrent .
Atheism was the dominant not e o f the E nglish

—
prose writings then in vogue Bentham M ill , ,
and Comte being favourite authors Theirs was .
the reasoning in terms of which our youths argued .
T h e a ge o f M ill constitutes a natu ral epoch in

E n g lish History It represents a healthy reaction
.
o f t h e body politic ; these destructive forces having
b ee n brought in temporarily to rid it o f a cc u mu

, ,
lated thought rubbish In our country we r e

-
.
c e i v e d th e se in the letter but never sought to

,
mak e practical use o f them employing them only ,
a s a stimulant to incite ourselv e s to moral revolt .
Atheism was thus for u s a mere intoxication .
F o r th e s e reasons educated men then fell mainly

into two classes One class would be always
.
thrusting thems e lves forward with unprovoked

argumentation to c u t to pieces all belief in Go d .
L ike the hunter whose hands itch no sooner h e ,
spies a living creature o n the top o r at the foot

o f a tree ,
to kill it whenever these came to learn
,
o f a harmless belief lurking anywhere in fancied
security they felt stirred U p to sally forth and

,
d e molish it We had for a short time a tutor o f

.
whom this was a pet diversion Though I was a .
mere boy e ven I could not escape his onslaughts

,
.
N o t that his attainments were o f any account ,

MY R EMINISCENCES
As with religion so with my emotions I felt

, ,
no need f o r any underlying truth my excit e ment ,
being an end in itself I call to mind some lines of

.
a poet of that time

M y h ea r t i s mi n e
I h a v e s o l d it to none,
B e it t a t t e re d a n d to rn a nd wo rn away ,
M y h ea r t i s mi n e !
F rom the standpoint of truth the heart need

not worry itself so ; for nothing compels it to wear
itself to tatters In truth sorrow is not desirable
.
,
but taken apart its pungency may appear savoury .
This savou r our poets often made much of ; leaving

o u t the god in whose worship they were indulging .
This childishness our country has not yet suc

ce e d e d in getting rid of So even to day when
.
-
,
we fail to see the truth o f religion we seek i n i ts ,

-
observance an artistic gratification So also .

, ,
much o f o u r patriotism is not service of the

mother land but the luxury of brin g ing ou r
-
,
s e lves into a desirable attitude of mind toward

the country .
P AR T VI
into tone the drums little and big In E urope ,

.
such duties are p erform e d b e forehand b e hind t h e ,
scenes for all that comes in front must be faultless

, .
There is thu s no room for any weak spot in the

singer s voice In our country a correct and
’
.
artistic exposition of the melody is the main

1
obj ect thereon is concentrat e d all the eff ort In

, .
E urop e the voice is the obj ect of culture and ,
with it they p e rform impossibilities In o u r .
country the virtuoso is satisfied if he has heard

the song ; in E urop e they go to h e ar the sin g er ,
.
That is what I saw that day in B ri g hton To .
me it wa s as good as a circus But admire the .

,
performance as I did I could not appreciate the ,
song I could hardly kee p from laughing when

.
some of the ca den z a s imitated the warbling of

birds I felt all the time that it was a mi s a ppli c a
.
tion of the h Uma n voice When it came to the .
turn of a male singer I was consid e rably relieved .
I sp e cially liked the tenor voices which had more

of human flesh and blood in th e m and seemed ,
less like the disembodied lament of a forlorn

sp 1r1t .
After this as I went o n hearing and learning

,
more and more of E u ropean music I b e gan to get ,
With I d ia m i it i
1
nt a m n q ti f
us c tly d i g
s no e re u es on o co rr e c r en er n
a m l dy xa tly
e o mp d b t t h t h m f t h i g i a l mp i
e c a s co o se ,
u e e e o e or n co os
ti i t h bj t f i mp i d i t p tati lab ati b y th

on s e su ec o an ro v s e n er re ve e or on e
exp d i g A ti t T
oun n r s . r.
into th e spirit o f it ; but Up to now I am co n

v i n c e d that ou r music and theirs abide in alto
gether different apartments and do not gain entry ,
to the h e art by the s e lf same door -

.
E urop e an mu sic seems to be intertwined with

its material life so that the text o f its songs may
,
be a s variou s a s that life itself If we attempt .
to put o u r tunes to the same variety of u s e th e y

tend to lose their significance and become ludi ,
c r o u s ; for ou r melodies transcend the barriers of
everyday life and only thu s can they carry u s so

,
deep into P ity so high into Aloofness ; their func

,
tion being to reveal a pictu re o f the inmost i n

expressible depths of o u r being mysteriou s and ,
impenetrable where the devotee may find his

,
h e rmitage ready or even the epicurean his bower

, ,
but where there is no room f o r the busy man o f

the world .
I cannot claim that I gained admittance to

the soul o f E uropean music But what little of it.
I came to understand from the outside attracted

me greatly in one way It seemed to me so roman
.
tic It is somewhat d i fli cu lt to analys e what I

.
mean by that word What I would refe r to is the

.
aspect of variety of abundance o f the waves on

, ,
the sea of life of t h e ever changing light and

,
-
shade o n their ceas e l e ss undulations Th e re is .
t h e opposite aspect — of pure extension of the ,

1 92 MY R E MINI S CENCE S
unwinki ng blue of the sky of the silent hint o f

,
i mmea s u re a b i li ty in the distant circle of t h e hori

zon However that may be let me repeat at
.
, ,
the risk of not bein g perfectly clear that when ,
ever I have been moved by E u ropean music I

have said to myself : it is romantic it is translatin g
,
into melody the evanescence o f life .
N o t that we wholly lack the same attem p t in

some forms o f o u r music ; but it is less pronounced ,
less successful Our melodies g1y e voice to the

.
star s p angled night to the first reddening of dawn

-
,
.
They speak o f the sky pervading sorrow which

-
lowers in t h e darkness o f clouds ; the speechles s

deep intoxication of the forest roaming s p ring -
.
( 2 9) Va lmi ki P r a ti bh a
We had a profusely d ecorated volume of M oore s ’
Irish M elodies : and often have I listened to the

enra p tured recitation o f these by Akshay B abu .
The poems combined with the pictorial desi g ns

to conj ure Up for me a dream picture of the Ireland
o f o ld I had not then actually heard the original
.
tunes but had sung these Irish M elodies to my

,
self to the accompaniment o f the harp s in t h e

pictures I longed to hear the real tunes to learn
.
,
th e m and sing them to Akshay B abu S ome

,
.
lon g ings unfortunately do get fulfilled in this life ,

them adaptable to a variety of treatment com

p le t e ly engrossed me .
S everal of the songs of Va lmi ki P r a ti bh a were

set to tunes originally severely classic in mod e ;
some of the tunes were composed by my broth e r
Jy o t i r i n d r a ; a few were adapted from E uropean
1
sources The Telen a
. style of Indian modes
specially lends itself to dramatic purpos e s and has
been frequently utilized in this work Two E n g .
lish tunes served for the drinking songs o f t h e

robber band and an Irish melody for the lament
,
o f the wood nymphs .
Va lmi ki P r a ti bh a is not a com p osition which

will b e ar being read Its significance is lost if it .
is not heard sung and seen acted It is not what .
E u rop e ans call an Opera but a little drama set ,
to music That is to say it is not primarily a

.
,
mu sical composition Very few of the songs are .
important or attractive by themselves ; they all

serve merely as the mu sical text of the play .
Before I went to E ngland we occasionally u sed

to have gatherings o f literary men in o u r house ,
at which music recitations and light refreshments ,
1
S ome a i m l di
In d ia mp iti
n d ig d
cl s s c a e o c co os on s a re es ne on
sc h m ef a e ot ati f wh i h p p th m i i t t t
c ce n u o n, or c ur ose e us c s se , no o
w d
or b t t
s, m a i g
u tatio d p
un ti g d m b at
e n n no o n -s o u n s re r e s en n ru -
e s
or pl t m i mp a t w h i h i I d ia m i
e c ru -
f a
c s i d ab l c n n n us c a re o co n s er e
v a i ty
r e f t a h h a i g it w
o o ne, e d ymb l T h T l i
c v n s o n s ou n -
s o . e e en a s
h t yl
o ne s u c f mp iti
s T e o co os on. r.
were served u p After my retu rn o n e more such

.
gathering was held which happened to be the last

, .
It wa s for an entertainment in this connection

that the Va lmi ki P r a ti bh a was composed I .
played Va lmi ki and my niece Pratibha took , ,
—
the part of S a r a s wa ti which bit o f history re
mains recorded in the name .
I had read in some work o f Herbert Spencer s ’
that speech takes o n tuneful i n fl ex i o n s whenever

emotion comes into play It is a fact that the .
tone o r tune is as important to u s as the spoken

word for the expression of anger sorrow j oy and , ,
wonder Spencer s idea that through a develo p

.
’
,
ment o f these emotional modulations of voice man ,
found music appealed to me Why should it not

,
.
do I thought to myself to act a drama in a kind

, ,
1
o f recitative b ased o n this idea T h e K a th a ka s .
o f ou r country attempt this to some extent for ,
they frequently break into a chant which how ,
ever stops short of full melodic form As blank

,
.
verse is more elastic than rhymed so such chant ,
ing though not devoid o f rhythm can more f f ee ly

, ,
adapt itself to the emotional interpretation o f

the text becau se it does not attempt to conform
,
to the more rigorous canons o f tune and time

required by a regular melodic composition The .
expression of feeling being the obj ect these de ,
R it f P a i l g da y l
1
ec ers o T
ur n c e en r o re . r .
1 96 MY REMINIS CENCE S
fic i e n ci es in regard to form d o not j ar on the

hearer .
E ncouraged by the success of this new line

taken in the Va lmi ki P r a ti bh a I composed another ,
musical p lay o f the same class It was called th e .
K a l M r i ga ya The F a t ef u l Hunt
,
The plot was .
ba sed o n the story o f the accidental killing o f the

blind hermit s only son by King D a s a ra th a It
’
.
was played o n a stage erected o n o u r roo f terrac e -

,
and the audience seemed profoundly moved by

its pathos Afterwards much o f it was with
.
, ,
slight changes incorporated in the Va lmi ki P r a ti

,
bh a and this play ceased to be se p arately p ub

,
li s h e d in my works .
L ong afterwards I com p osed a third mu s c i a l

,
p lay M a ya r Khela the P lay of M a ya an O peretta

, , ,
o f a di fferent type In this the songs were i m

.
portant not the drama In the others a series o f

, .
dramatic situ ations were strung o n a thread of

melody ; this was a garland of songs w ith j u st
a thread o f dramatic plot running through The .
play of feeling and n o t action was its s p ecial

, ,
feature In point o f fact I was while composing

.
,
it saturated with the mood o f song

,
.
The enthusiasm which went to the makin g of Va l

mi la i P r a ti bha and Ka l M r i ga ya I have never felt for
any other work o f mine In these two the creative .
musical impuls e of the time found expre ssion .

and also adaptations from Vihari Ch a k r a v a r ti s ’
S a r a d a M a n ga l series of songs .
I u sed to tak e the leading part in the perform

ance o f these musical dramas F rom my early .
y e ars I had a taste for actin g and firmly beli e ved

,
that I had a special a p titude for it I think I .
proved that my belief was not ill founded I had -

.
only once before done the part o f Al c ek B abu

in a farce written by my brother Jyo ti ri n d r a .
S o these were really my fi rst attempts at actin g .
I was th en very young and nothing seemed to

fatigue or trouble my voice .
In o u r hou se at the time a cascade o f musical

, ,
emotion was gushing forth day after day hou r ,
after hou r its scattered spray reflecting into ou r

,
being a whole gamut of rainbow colours Then .

,
with the freshness of youth o u r new born energy

,
-
,
impelled by its virgin curiosity stru ck o u t new ,
paths in every direction We fe lt we would try

.
and test everything and no achievement seemed

,
impossible We wrote we sang we act e d w e

.
, , ,
poured ourselves out o n every side This was .
how I stepped into my twentieth year .
Of these forces which so triumphantly raced o u r

lives along my brother Jyo t i ri n d ra was the char
,
i o teer
. He was absolutely fearless Once when .
,
I was a mere lad and had never ridden a horse

,
before he made me mount o n e and gal lop by

,
his side with no qu alms about his unskilled co m

,
panion Wh e n at t h e same age while we were at

.
,
Sh e li d a h ( the head quarters of ou r estate ) news

,
-
,
was brought of a tiger he took me with him o n ,
a hunting expedition I had no gu n i t would — .

,
have been more dangerou s to me than to the

tiger i f I had We l e ft o u r shoes at the outskirts
.
of the j ungle and crept in with bare feet At last .
we scrambled up into a bamboo thicket partly ,
stripped of its thorn like twigs where I somehow

-
,
managed to crouch behind my b rother till the

deed was done ; with no means o f even administ e r
ing a shoe beating to the unmannerly brute had
-
he dared lay his off ensive paws on me !

Thu s did my brother give me full freedom
both internal and external in the face of all dan
g e rs No u sage o r cu stom was a bondage for
.
him and so was he able to rid me of my shrinking

,
di ffi dence .
( )
30 E ven i n g S on gs
In the state of being confined within myself ,
o f which I have been telling I wrote a number o f ,
poems which have been grouped together under ,
t h e title of the H ea r t Wi lder n es s in M ohita B abu s

’
-
,
edition of my works In one o f the p oems sub .
sequently published in a volume called M or n i n g

S on gs the following lines occur :
,
There i s a v a s t w il d e r n e s s wh o s e n a me i s H ea r t;
Who s e i n t erla c i n g fo r e s t b r a n che s d a n d l e a n d ro c k d a r k
n es s li k e a n i n f a n t .
I l o s t my wa y i n i ts d ept h s .
from which came the idea o f the name for this

group of poems .
M uch of what I wrote when thus my life had ,
np commerce with the outside when I was en ,
grossed i n the contemplation of my own heart ,
when my imaginings wandered in many a disguise

amidst cau seless emotions and aimless longin g s ,
has been left out of that edition ; only a few of t h e

poems originally published in the volume entitled
E ven i n g S on gs finding a place there in the H ea r t ,
Wi lder n es s group .
M y broth e r Jyo t i ri n d ra and his wife had left

home travelling on a long journey and their rooms ,
o n the third storey facing the terraced roof were

,
-
,
e m p ty . I took possession o f these and the terra ce ,
and spent my days in solitude While thu s left in .
communion with my self alone I know n o t h o w I ,
slipped o u t of the p oetical groove into which I

had fallen Perhaps being cut o ff from those whom
.
I sought to please and w hose taste in po etry

,
moulded the form I tried to put my thoughts into ,
I naturally gained freedom from the style they had

imposed on me .
I be g an to u s e a slate for my writing That also .

for the first time he was as su rprised as he wa s

pleas e d and with his a p probation my road to
,
freedom was widened .
The po e ms of Vihari Chakravarti were in a

3
-
beat metr e This triple
. time produces a rounde d
off globular eff ect unlike the square cut multipl e
,
-
of 2 It rolls on with c a s e it glides as it dances to

.
,
the tinkling o f its anklets I was once very fond .
of this metre It felt more like riding a bicycle

.
than walking And to this stride I had got accus

.
t o me d In the E ven i n g S on gs without thinking

.
,
o f it I somehow broke o ff this habit No r did I

,
.
come under any other particular bondage I felt .
e ntirely free and unconcerned I had no thought .
or fear o f being taken to task .
The strength I gained by working freed from ,
the trammels of tradition led me to discover that ,
I had been searching in impossible places for that

which I had within myself Nothing but want o f .
s e lf c o n fid e n c e had stood in the way o f my coming

-
into my own I felt like rising from a dream of

.
bonda g e to find myself unshackled I cut ex t r a o r .
d i n a r y cap e rs j u st to make sure I was free to move .
To me this is the most memorable period o f my

poetic career As poems my E ven i n g S on gs may
.
not have be e n worth much in fact as such they ,
are crude en o ug h N either their metre nor lan

.
,
guage nor thought had taken definite shape Their

,
.
MY RE MINISCENCES 203
only merit is that for the fi rst time I had come to

write what I r e ally m e ant j ust according to my ,
pleasure What if thos e compositions have no

.
value that pleasure certainly had

, .
(3 )1 A n Ess a y on M us i c
I had been pro p osing to study f o r the bar when

my father had recalled me home from E ngland .
S ome friends concerned at this cutting short of my

career p ressed him to send me off once again This .
le d to my starting o n a second voyage towards

E ngland this time with a relative as my com
,
panion M y fate however had so strongly vetoed

.
, ,
my being called to the bar that I was not even to

reach E ngland this time Fo r a certain reason w e
.
had to disembark at M adras and retu rn home to

C alcutta The reason was by no means as grav e
.
as its outcome but as the laugh was not against

,
me I refrain from setting it down here F rom both

,
.
my attem p ted pilgrimages to La ks hmi s shrin e I

1 ’
had thu s to come back repulsed I hope however .

, ,
that the L a w go d at least will look o n me with a

-
, ,
favourable eye for that I have not added to the

encumbrances o n the B ar li b rary premises -
.
M y father was then in the M u ssoorie hills I .
1
Th e G dd
o es s o f We a lth .
went to him in fear and trembling But he showed

.
no sign o f irritation he rather seemed pleased

, .
He must have seen in this retu rn o f mine the bless

ing of Divine P rovidence .
The evening before I started o n this voyage I

read a paper at the M edical College Hall o n the
invitation o f the Bethune S ociety This was my .
first p ublic reading The R everend K M B a n e rj i

. . .
was the president .The subj ect was M u sic .
L eaving aside instrumental music I tried to make

,
o u t that to bring out better what the words sought
to exp ress was the chief end and aim o f vocal

music The text o f my paper was but meagre I
. .
sang and acted songs throughout illustrating my

theme The only reason for the flattering eulogy
.
which the President bestowed on me at the end

mu st have been the moving effect o f my young
voice together with the earnestness and variety o f
its efforts But I mu st make the confession to day
.
-
that the O pinion I voiced with such enthusiasm

that evening was wrong .
The art of vocal music has its own special func

tions and fe atures And when it happens to be
.
set to words the latter mu st not presume too much

o n their O pportunity and seek to superse d e the me !
o d y o f which they are but the vehicle T h e song

.
being great in its own wealth why should it wait

,
upon the words ? R ather does it begin where mere

borne away by the tune The melody told me that .
the secret which I was so importunate to hear

, ,
had mingled with the green mystery o f the forest

glades was steeped in the silent whiteness o f moon
,
light nights peeped o u t o f the veil o f the illimitable

,
—
blue behind the horizon and is the o n e intimate
secret of E arth S k y and Waters, .
In my early boyhood I heard a snatch o f a song

Wh o d re s s e d yo u , l o ve ,
a s a fo reign er ?
This one line painted such wonderful pictures
in my mind that it haunts me still One day I .
sat down to set to words a composition o f my o w n

while full o f this bit o f song Humming my tune .
I wrote to its accompaniment

I k no w yo u O Wo ma n f ro m th e s tra nge la n d !
,
Yo u r d w elli n g i s a c ro s s th e S e a .
Had the tune not been there I know n o t what

shape the rest o f the poem might have taken ; but 1
the magic o f the melody revealed to me the

stranger in all her loveliness It is she said my ‘
.
,
soul who comes and go es a messenger to this world

, ,
from the other shore of t h e ocean o f mystery It is .
she o f whom we now and again catch glimpses in

,
t h e dewy Autumn mornings in the scent e d nights ,
o f S pring in the inmost rec e sses o f o u r h e arts

,
and sometimes we strain skywards to hear her

song To the door o f this world charming stranger

.
-
the melody as I say wafted me and so to her

, , ,
were the rest of the words addressed .
L ong after this in a street in Bolpu r a mendi

, ,
cant B a u l was singing a s he walked along :

H ow d o es th e u n k n own b i r d fl i t i n a n d o u t o f th e cage !
Ah , co ul d I b u t c a tc h i t I d r i n g i ts fee t w ith my l ov e !
,
’
I found this B a u l to b e saying the very same

thing The unknown bird sometimes surrenders
.
itself within the bars of the cage to whisper tidings

of the bondless unknown beyond The heart .
would fain hold it near to itself for ever but can ,
not What but the melody of song can tell u s o f

.
the goings and comings of the unknown bird ?

That is why I am always re luctant to publish
books o f the words of songs for t herein the soul ,
must needs be lacking .
( 3 2 ) Th e R i ver -s i de
When I retu rned hom e from the outset of my

second voyage to E n g land my brother Jyo t i ri n d r a,
and sister i n —
law were living in a rive r si d e villa at
- -
Chandernagore and there I went to stay with

,
them .
Th e G anges a g ain ! A g ain those ine ff able days

and nights langui d with joy sad with lon g ing a t
, , ,
MY R EMINISCENCES
tuned to the plaintive babbling o f the river along

the cool shade of its wooded banks This Bengal .
sky full of light this south breeze this flow of the

-
, ,
river this right royal laziness this broad leisure

, ,
stretching from horizon to horizon and from green

earth to blue sky all these were to me as food and
,
drink to the hungry and thirsty Here it felt i n .
deed like home and in these I recognised the minis

,
t r a t i o n s o f a M other .
That was not so very long ago and yet time has ,
wrought many changes Ou r little river side nests

.
-
,
clustering under th e ir su rrounding greenery have ,
been replaced by mills which now dragon like ,

-
,
everywhere rea r their hissing heads belching forth ,
black smoke In the midday glare of modern life

.
even o u r hou rs of mental siesta have been nar

rowed down to the lowest limit and hydra headed ,
-
unrest has 1nv a ded every department o f life .
M aybe this is for the better b u t I f o r o n e cannot

, , , ,
account it wholly to the good .
These lovely days of mine at the riverside p assed

by like so many dedicated lotus blossoms floating
down the sacred stream Some rainy afternoons I
.
spent in a veritable frenzy singing away old Va i s h

,
n a va songs to my own tunes accompanying myself ,
on a harmonium On other afternoons we would

.
,
drift along in a boat my brother Jyo t i ri n d r a a c

,
companyin g my sin g ing with his violin And as .

,
1
beginning with the F u r a vi we went o n varying ,
the mod e of o u r music with the declining day we ,

1
saw o n reaching the B eh a ga the western sky
, ,
close th e doors of its factory o f golden toys and ,
the moon o n the east rise over the fringe o f trees .
Then we would row back to the landing steps o f

the villa and seat ourselves on a quilt spread o n
the terrace facing the river By then a silvery .
peace rested o n both land and water hardly any ,
boats were about the fringe o f trees o n the bank

,
was reduced to a deep shadow and the moonlight ,
glimmered over the smooth flowing stream .
The villa we were living in was known as

‘
M oran s G arden
’
A flight o f stone fl a gge d
’
.
-
steps led u p from the water to a long broad ,
verandah which formed part of the house The .
rooms were not regularly arranged nor all o n the ,
same level and some had to be reached by short

,
flights of stairs The big sitting roo m overlook

.
ing the landing st e ps had stained glass windows

with coloured pictures .
One of the pictures was o f a swing hanging from

a branch half hidden in dense foliage and in the
-
,
checkered light and shade o f this bower two per ,
so ns were swinging ; and there was another of a

broad flight o f steps leading into some castle like -
1
M a ny o f th e H i nd u s ta n i cla s s i c mo d es a re s u pp o se dt o be b ties n
k ee p i g with p a ti
n r a a
cu l r s e s o n s o f t h e ya e r, o r ti m es o f the d ay . Tr .
MY R EMINISCENCES
palace u p and down which men and women in

,
festive garb were going and coming Wh e n the .
light fell on th e windows thes e pictures shone ,
wonderfully seeming to fill the river side atmos

,
-
p h e r e with holiday mu sic S ome far away long

.
-
forgott e n revelry seemed to be expressing itself

in sil e nt words of light ; the love thrills of t h e swin g
ing couple making alive with their eternal story
the woodlands o f the river bank .
The topmost room of the house was in a round

tower with window s opening to every side This .
I u s e d as my room for writing poetry N othing .
could be seen from thence save the top s o f the

surrounding tre e s and the o p en sky I was then
, .
busy with the E ven i n g S on gs and of this room I

wrote
T h e r e , w h e re i n -
th e b rea s t of li mi t l es s a
s p ce c o l uds a re
l a id l
t o s eep,
I h a v e b u il t my ho u s e f o r th ee , O Po e s y !
(3 3 ) M or e Abou t the E ven i n g S on gs
At this time my re p utation amongst literary

critics was t hat of being a poet of broken cadence
and lisping utterance E verything about my .
work was dubbed misty shadowy However , .
little I mi g ht have relish e d this at the time the ,
charge was not wholly baseless M y poetry did .

all that he cannot be got rid of as a factor in life s

,
’
progress When the outward life fails to harmonise

.
with the inner th e dweller within is hurt and

, ,
his pain manifests itself in the outer consciou sness

in a manner to which it is difficult to give a name ,
o r even to describe and of which the cry is more ,
akin to an inarticulate wail than words with more

p recise meaning .
The sadness and p ain which sought ex p ression

in the E ven i n g S ongs had their roots in the depths
of my being As one s sleep smothered con
.
’
-
s ci o u s ne s s wrestles with a nightmare in its e fforts
to awake so the submerg e d inner self struggles

,
to free itself from its complexities and come o u t

into the open These S on gs are the history of
.
that struggle As in all creation so in poetry

.
, ,
there is the o pp osition o f forces If the divergence .
is too wide or the unison too close there is it

, , ,
seems to me no room for poetry Where the pain

, .
o f discord strives to attain and express its resolu
tion into harmony there does po e try break forth ,
into music as breath through a flute

, .
When the E ven i n g S on gs first saw the light they

were not hailed with any flo urish of trumpets ,
but none the less they did not lack admirers I .
have elsewhere told the story of how at the wedding

of Mr R amesh Chandra D utt s eldest daughter
’
.
,
B an k im Babu was at the door and the host was ,

welcoming him with the customary garland o f

flowers As I cam e Up Bankim Babu eagerl y
.
took the garland and placing it round my neck

“
said : The wreath to him R amesh have yo u not , ,
read his E ven i n g S on gs ? And when M r D utt

”
.
avowed he had not yet done so the manner in ,
which Bankim B abu expressed his opinion of

some of them am ply rewarded me .
The E ven i n g S on gs gained for me a friend whos e

approval like the rays o f the sun stimulat e d
, ,
and guided the shoots o f my newly sprung efl o r ts .
This was Babu P ri ya n a th S e n Just before this .
the B r o/s en H ea r t had led him to give Up all hopes

o f me I won him back with these E ven i n g S on gs
. .
Those who are acquainted with him know him

1
as an expert navigator of all the seven seas of
literature whos e highways and byways in a l
, ,
most all language s Indian and foreign he is , ,
constantly traversing To convers e with him is to .
gain glimps e s of even the most out of the way

scenery in the world o f ideas This p roved o f the .
greatest value to me .
He was able to give his litera ry opinions with

the fullest confidence fo r h e had not to rely o n ,
his unaided taste to g uide his lik e s and dislikes .
This authoritative criticism o f his also assiste d

1
Th e wo rl d ,
a s th e d ia bo y k
In n no ws it f ro m fai y ta l
r e a nd f
o lk
lo re, h a s a
sev en s e s a n d th i t iv
r ee n r e rs . Tr .
me more than I can tell I u sed to re ad to him
.
everything I wrot e and but f or the timely showers

,
of his discriminate appre ciation it is hard to say

whether these early plou g hings o f mine would
have yielded as they have done .
(34) M or n i n g S on gs
At the river side I also did a bit o f prose writing

-
,
not o n any definite subj ect or plan but in the ,
spirit that boys catch butterflies When spring .
comes within many coloured short lived fancies

,
- -
a r e born and flit about in the mind ordinarily ,
unnoticed In these days of my leisu re it wa s

.
,
perhaps the mere whim to collect them which

had come upon me Or it may have been only
.
another phase of my emancipated self which had

thrown out its chest and decided to write j u st
as it pleased ; what I wrote not being the obj ect ,
it being suffi cient u nto itself that it was I who

wrote These prose pieces were published later
.
under the name of Vi vi dh a P r a ba n dha Variou s ,
Topics b u t they expired with the first edition

,
and did not get a fresh lease o f life in a second .
At this time I think I also began my first

, ,
novel B a u tha /eu r a n i r H a t

, .
A fter we had stayed for a time by the river ,
m y brother Jyo ti ri n d r a took a hou se in Calcutta ,

incidental li g ht e nin g of one s own s e nse o f burden

’
which follows such vision ; b u t as I beli e v e with , ,
no success .
Th e n I gained a further insight which has lasted

all my life .
The e n d of S u d d er S tr e et an d the tre e s on t h e

,
F re e S ch o ol g rounds opposite w e re visible from ,
o u r S u d d e r S tr e et hous e O n e morning I hap

.
pened to be standin g o n the v e randah lookin g

that way T h e sun was j u st rising thro ugh the
.
l e af y tops of thos e trees A s I continued to g aze

.
,
all of a su d den a cov e ring s e emed to fall away from

my e ye s and I foun d t h e world bath e d in a won
,
d e r f u l ra d ianc e with wav e s of beauty and j oy

,
swellin g on e v e ry sid e This radiance pierced in a

.
m o ment throu g h the folds of sadness and despond

e ncy which had accumulat e d over my heart and ,
flooded it with this unive rsal li g ht .
That very day the poem The A wa ken i n g of the ,
Wa terf a ll gush e d forth and cou rsed o n like a

,
ve ritable cascade The poem came to an en d

.
,
but the curtain did not fall Upon the j oy aspect

o f the U niv e rse A n d it cam e to be so that no
.
p e rson or thing in the world s e e m e d to me trivial

o r unpl e asing A thing that happen e d the next
.
day or the day following seemed s pecially as

to n i s hi n g .
There was a curious sort of person who came

to me now and then with a habit of askin g all

,
manner o f silly qu e stions O n e day he ha d ask e d

.
“ ”
Have yo u s i r se e n G o d with you r own ey e s ?
, ,
And o n my having to a d mit that I had not h e ,

“ ”
averred that he had What was it yo u saw ?
.
“
I asked . He seethed and throbbed before my
”
e yes ! was the reply .
It can well be imagined that o ne would n o t

ordinarily relish being drawn into abstrus e d is
e ussions with such a person M oreover I was .
,
at the time entirely absorbed in my own writin g .
N evertheless as he was a harmless sort o f fe llow

I did not like the idea of hurting his s u s ce pti
b i li t i e s and so tolerated him as best I could .
This time when he came o n e afternoo n I

, ,
actually felt glad to see him and welcomed him ,
cor d ially The mantle of his oddity and foolish

.
ness seemed to have slipped o fl and the person ,
I so joyfully hailed was the real man whom I felt

to be in nowise inferior to myself and moreover ,
closely related F inding no trace o f annoyance

.
within me at sight o f him n o r any sense o f my ,
time being wasted with him I was filled with an ,
immense gladness and felt rid of some enveloping

,
ti s sue o f untru th which ha d been causing me s o

much needless and uncalled for discomfort and
pain.
As I would stand on the balcony t h e g ait the , ,

figure the features of e ach o n e of the passers —

, by ,
whoever they mi g ht b e s e emed to me all so ex

,
t r a o r d i n a r ily wonderful as they flowed past

, ,
waves on the sea of the universe F rom infancy .
I had seen only with my eye s I now began to see ,
with the whole of my consciousness I could not .
look upon the sight of two smiling youths non ,
c h a la n t ly going their way the arm of one on the

,
other s shoulder as a matter of s ma ll mo me n t ;

’
,
.
for through it I could see the fathomless depths

,
o f the eternal spring o f Joy from which number
less sprays of laughter leap U p throughout the

world .
I had never before marked the play o f limbs and

lineaments which always accompanies even the
least o f man s actions ; now I was spell bound by
’
-
their variety which I came across o n all sides at

, ,
every moment Y et I saw them not as being

.
apart by themselves b u t as parts o f that amazingly

,
beautiful greater dance which goes on at this very

moment throughout the world o f men in each o f ,
th e ir homes in their multifariou s wants and a c

,
t i v i t i es .
F riend laughs with friend the mother fondles ,
her child one cow sidles Up to another and licks

,
its body and t h e immeasurability behind these

,
comes d irect to my mind with a shock which almost

savo ur s of pain .
but in what had seem e d to me the se lik e li e st of

places I found i t not I had come to know it
,
.
,
but could see it no longe r Whil e I was admiring

.
the gem the lid had suddenly closed leaving me ,
staring at the enclosing casket But for all the .

,
attractiveness of its workmanship there was no ,
longer any danger of my mistaking it f o r merely

an empty box .
M y M or n i n g S ongs came to an end their last ,
echo dying o u t with The E cho which I wrote at

D arj eeling . This apparently proved such an a b
stru se affair that two fri e nds laid a wager as to its
real meaning M y only consolation was that as
.
,
I was equally unable to explain the enigma to

them wh e n th ey came to me for a solution neither ,
o f them had to lose any money over it Alas ! The .
days when I wrote excessively plain poems about

Th e Lotu s and A L a ke had gone forever .
But does o n e write poetry to explain any matter ?

What is felt within the heart tries to find outside
sha p e as a poem So when after listening to a poem
.
anyone says he has not understood I feel non ,
plussed If someone smells a flower and says he

.
d o es not understand the reply to him is : there is

,
nothing to understand it is only a scent If he

, .
persists saying : tha t I know but what does it all

, ,
mea n ? Then o n e has either to change the subj ect ,
or make it more abstruse b y saying that the scent

is the shape which the universal j oy takes i n the

flower .
That words have meanings is j ust the di ffi culty .
That is why the poet has to turn and twist th e m

in metre and verse s o that the meaning ma y be
,
held somewhat in check and the feeling allowed a

,
chance to express itself .
This utterance of feeling is no t the statement

of a fundamental truth or a scientific fact o r a
, ,
u seful moral precept L ike a tear o r a smile it is

.
but a picture of what is taking place within If .
S cience or P hilosophy may gain anything from it

they are welcome but that is not the reason o f its
,
being If while crossing a ferry yo u can catch a

.
fish you are a lucky man but that does not mak e,
the ferry boat a fishing boat no r should you abuse ,
the ferryman if he does not make fishing his busi

ness .
The E cho was written so long a go that it ha s

escaped attention and I am now no longer called
upon to render an account of its meaning N ever .
t h e les s whatever its other merits o r defects may

,
be I can assu re my readers that it was not my

,
intention to propound a riddle o r insidiously con ,
v ey any eru dite teaching The fact o f the matt e r

.
was that a longing had been born within my heart ,
and unable to find any other name I had called

, ,
the thin g I desired an E cho .

MY R EMINISCENCES
Wh e n from the original fount in the depths o f

the U niverse streams of melody a re sent forth
abroad their echo is reflected into o u r heart from
,
t h e faces o f o u r beloved and the other beauteous
things around u s It mu st be as I suggested this

.
, ,
E cho which we love and not the things themselves

,
from which it happens to be reflected ; for that

which o n e day we scarce deign to glance at may ,
be o n another the very thing which claims our

, ,
whole devotion .
I had so long viewed the world with external v i

sion only and so had been unable to see its u n i
,
versal aspect of joy When of a sudden from some

.
,
innermost depth of my being a ray o f light found ,
its way o u t it spread over and illuminated for me

,
the whole universe which then no longer appeared

,
like heaps o f things and happenings but was dis ,
closed to my sight as one whole This experience .
s ee med to tell me o f the stream of melody issuing

from the very heart of the univ e rse and spreading
over space and time re— echoing thence as waves of
,
joy which fl o wright back to the source .
When the artist sends his song forth from the

depths o f a full heart that is j oy indeed And th e .
j oy is redoubled when this same song is wafted

back to him as hearer If when the creation of the
.
,
Arch P oet is thus returnin g back to him in a flood

-
o f j oy we allow it to flow over our consciousness

, ,
To b egi n b y w a n t i n g t h e w ho l e wo rl d i s to get n o t h
i ng. Whe n d e s i re i s co n c e n t r a t ed w i t h t h e w ho l e
,
s t r e n gt h o f o n e s b e i n g U po n a n y o n e o b j ec t wh a t s o ev e r
’
i t migh t b e t h en d o es t h e ga t ew a y t o th e I n fi n i t e b e
,
c o me v i s i b l e . T h e mo rn i n g s o n gs w e r e t h e fi r s t t h ro w
i n g fo r t h o f my i n n e r s el f o u t w a r d s a n d c o n s equ en tl y
,
they l a c k a n y s ig n s o f such co n cen t ra t io n .
This all p e rvading joy of a first outflow how

-
,
e v e r has the c fl e c t of leading u s to an acquaintance

,
with the particular The lake in its fulness seeks

.
an outlet as a river In this sens e th e permanent

.
later lov e is narrower than first love It is more .
d e finite in the direction o f its activities desires to ,
realise the whole in each of its parts and is thus ,
impelled on towards the infinit e What it finally .
reaches is no lon ger the former indefinite extensi o n

o f t h e heart s own inner joy but a merging in t h e
’
,
infinite reality w hich was outsid e itself and thereby ,
the attainment of the complete truth of its o w n

longings .
In M ohita Babu s edition these M or n i n g S on gs

’
have been placed in the group o f poems e ntitl e d

Ni s h kr a ma n The E merg ence F o r in these was
,
.
to be found the first news of my coming out of the

H ea r t Wi lder n es s into the open world Thereafter .
did this pilgrim heart make its acquaintance with

that world b it by bit part by part in many a
, , ,
mood and manner And at the end after gliding

.
,
past all the num e rou s landing steps o f e ver

changing imperman e nce it will re ach the infinite , ,
not th e vagueness of ind e te rminate possibility ,
but the consummation of perfect fulness o f

Truth .
F rom my earli e st years I enjoyed a simpl e and

intimate communion with N ature E ach o n e of .
the cocoanut trees in o u r gar d en had for me a

distinct personality When on coming home from.
,
the N ormal S chool I saw b e hind the skyline of

,
ou r roof terrac e blue gre y wat e r laden clouds

- - -
thickly bank e d u p the immense d e pth of gla d

,
n e ss which fill e d me all in a moment I can recall

, ,
cl e arly even now On opening my eyes ev e ry

.
morning the blithely awakening world u sed to

,
call me to j oin it lik e a playmate ; the p erfe rvid

noonday sky du rin g t h e long s ilent watches of
,
the siesta hours wo uld spirit me away from the

,
work a day world into the recesses of its hermit

- -
cell ; and t h e darkn e ss of night would open th e

door to its phantom paths and take me over all ,
the seven seas and thirt e en rive rs past all pos ,
s i b ili t i e s and impossibilities right into its wonder ,
land .
Then one day when , with the dawn o f youth

, ,
my hungry heart b e gan to cry o u t for its s u s te n

ance a barri e r was set up betw e e n this play o f
,
inside and outsid e An d m y whol e b e in g eddi e d

.
MY R EMINISCENCES
round and round my troubled heart creating a ,
vortex within itself in the whirls o f which its

,
consciousness was confined .
This loss o f the harmony between inside and

outside d u e to the over riding claims o f the heart
,
-
in its hunger and consequent restriction of the

,
privilege of communion which had been mine was ,
mourned by me in the E ven i n g S on gs In the .
M or n i n g S on gs I celebrated the sudden opening

o f a gate in the barrier by what shock I know not
, ,
through which I regained the lost o n e no t only ,
as I knew it before but more deeply more fully

, , ,
by force o f the intervening separation .
Thu s did the F irst Book o f my life come to an

end with these chapters of union separation and ,
reunion Or rather it is not true to say it has

.
, ,
come to an end The same subj ect has still to be

.
continued through more elaborate solutions of

worse com p lexities to a greater conclusion E ach
,
.
o n e comes here to finish but o ne book o f life ,
which during the p rogress of its variou s p arts

, ,
grows s p iral wise o n an ever increasing radiu s

- -
.
S o while each segment may appear different from

,
the others at a cursory glance they all really lead,
back to the self same starting centre

- .
Th e prose writings of the E ven i n g S on gs period

were published as I have said under the nam e
, ,
o f Vi vi d/t a P r a ba n dh a Those others whi ch cor

.
~
PAR T VII
and was printed and circulat e d for t h e su gg e stions

of the members We had also a n idea of trans
.
li t er a t i n g in Ben g ali the name o f each foreign

countr y as pron o unc e d by itself .
P andit Vi d ya s a ga r s prophecy was fulfille d

’
.
It did not prove p o ssibl e to g et the big wigs to do

anything . And the academ y withered away
shortly after sprouting But R a j e n d r a h a l M itra
.
was an all round e xpert and was an academ y in

-
hims e lf M y labours in this cause were more

.
than repaid by the privilege of his acquaintance .
I have met many Bengali men of letters in my

time but none who left the impression o f such
brilliance .
I u sed to go and see him in the office of the

Court o f Wards in M a n i k t a la I would go in th e
.
mornings and always find him busy with his

studies and with the inconsiderateness of youth
, ,
I fe lt no hesitation in disturbin g him But I .
have never seen him the least bit put o u t o n that

account As soon as he saw m
. e he would put
a side his work and begin to talk to me It is a

.
m atter of common knowled g e that he was some

what hard o f hearin g so he hardly ever gave me
,
occasion to put him any question He woul d .
take u p some broad subj ect and talk away Upon

it and it was the attraction of these discourses
,
which drew me there Converse with no other

.
p e rson ever gave me such a wealth of sugge stive

i d eas on so many di fferent subj ects I would .
listen enraptu red .
I think he was a member of the text book com -
mi tt e e and every bo o k he received for approval ,
h e read through and annotated in pencil On .
some occasi o ns h e would select o n e o f these books

for the text of discou rses o n the constru ction of
t h e Bengali langua g e in pa r ticular or P hilology
in general which were of the greatest benefit to

,
me There were few subj ects which he had not

.
studied and anything h e had studied he could

clearly expou nd .
If we had not relied o n the other members of

t h e Academy we had tried to found but left every
,
thing to D r R a j e n d ra h a l t h e present S a hi tya

.
,
P a r i s h a t would have doubtl e ss fo und the matters

it is now occupied with left in a much more a d
v a n c e d state by that one man alone .
D r R a j e n d r a h a l M itra was not only a profound

.
schola r but he had likewise a striking personalit y

,
which shone through his features F ull o f fire .
as he was in his public life he could also u n bend

,
graciously so as to talk on the most difficult

subj ects to a stripling like myself without any
trace of a patronisin g ton e I even took a d v a n
.
tage of his condesc e n s i o n to the extent of ge ttin g

a contri b ution Ya ma s D og fro m him f o r the
,
’
,
23 4 MY RE M I NI S C E N C E S
B h a ra b i . There were other great contemporaries

of his with whom I would not have ventured to
take such liberties nor would I have met with
,
the like response if I had .
And yet when he was on the war path his o p

p o n e n t s o n the M unicipal C orporation or t h e
S enate of the U niversity were mortally afraid

of him In those days Kristo D a s P a l was the
.
tactful politician and R a j e n d r a h a l M itra the

,
valiant fighter .
F o r the purposes o f the Asiatic S ociety s pub

’
li c a t i o n s and researches he had to employ a num

,
ber of S anscrit P andits to do the mechanical work

for him I remember how this gave certain enviou s
.
and mean minded detractors the opportunity of

-
saying that everything was really done by these

P andits while R a j en d ra h a l fraudulently appro
p r i a t e d all the credit E ven. to—day we v e ry
often find the tools arrogating to themselves t h e

lion s share of the achievement imagining the
’
,
wielder to be a mere ornamental figu r eh e a d If .
the poor pen had a mind it would as certainly

have bemoaned the unfairness o f its getting all
the stain and the writer all t h e glory !
It is curious that this extraordinary man should
have got no recognition from his countrymen
even after his death One of t h e reasons may b e
.
that the national mou rning for Vi d ya s a ga r whose ,

of S h i v a j 1 s old hill forts and st e pping ashore

’
,
found our way into the clean sw e pt little yard -
of a peasant s home We sat on a spot wh e re the

’
.
moonbeams fell glancin g o ff t h e top o f the outer

e nclosu r e
,
and there dined o ff the eatabl e s we
had brought with us On ou r way back we let
.
the boat glide down the river The night brood e d .
over the motionless hills and forests and on the ,
silent flowing stream of this little K a la n a di ,
throwing over all its moonlight spell It took u s .
a good long time to reach the mouth of t h e rive r ,
so instead of re turning by sea we got o ff the boat

, ,
th e re and walked back hom e over the sands of the

beach It was then far into the night the sea
.
,
was without a rippl e even the eve r troubled

,
-
murmu r of th e c a s u a ri a n a s was at rest The .
shadow of the fringe of trees along the vast ex

panse of sand hung motionless along its bord e r ,
and the ring of blu e gre y hills around the horizon

-
slept calmly beneath the sky .
Through the deep sil e nce o f this illimitable

whiteness we few human creatur e s walked along
with o u r shadows with o ut a word When we
, .
reach e d hom e my sl e ep had lost itself in somethin g

still d ee p e r T h e poem which I then wrote is
.
inextricably mingled with that night on t h e dis

tant seashore I do not know how it will appeal
.
to the reader apart from t h e memories with which

Ka rwa r B ea ch
23 8 MY R EMINIS CE NCES
does not conduce to the truest poetry to have

him too close to it M emory is the brush which
.
can best lay on the true poetic colou r N earness .
has too much of the compelling about it and the

imaginatio n is not suffi ciently free unless it can
get away from its influenc e N o t only in poetry .
,
but in all art the mind o f the artist mu st attain a

,
—
certain degree o f aloofness the crea tor within
man mu st be allowed the sole control If the .
subj ect matter gets the better of the creation ,
the result is a mere replica of the event not a ,
reflection of it through the Artist s mind ’

.
( 3 7) N R even ge
’
a tu r e s
Here in Karwar I wrote the P r a kr i ti r P r a ti s

h odha N ature s R evenge a dramatic poem The
’
.
, ,
hero was a S anyasi ( hermit) who had been striving

to gain a victory over N ature by cutting away
the bonds o f all desires and aff ections and thu s
to arrive at a true and profound knowledge o f
s e lf A little girl however b rought him back from
.
, ,
his communion with the infinite to the world and

into the bondage o f human a fl ec t i o n On so .
comin g back the S a n ya s i realised that the great

is to be found in t h e small t h e infinite within ,
the bounds o f form and the eternal freedom o f

,
MY REMINI S CENCES 23 9
the soul in love It is only in the light of love

.
that all limits are merged in the limitless .
The sea beach o f Karwar is certainly a fit place

in which to realise that the beauty o f N ature is
no t a mirage o f the ima gination but reflects ,
t h e joy o f the Infinite and thu s draws u s to lose
ou rselves in it Where the u niverse is expressing

.
itself in the magic o f its laws it may n o t be strange

if we miss its i n fin i tu d e ; but where the heart gets
into immediate touch with immensity in the
beauty o f the meanest of things is any room left
,
for argument ?
N atu re took the S a nya s i to the p resence o f the
Infinite enthroned o n the finite by the pathway
, ,
of the heart In the N a tu r e s Reven ge there were

.
’
shown on the one side the wayfarers and the

villagers content with their home made triviality
,
-
and u nconsciou s o f anything beyond ; and o n the

other the S a n ya s i busy casting away his all ,
and himself into the self evolved infinite of his

,
-
ima g ination When love bridged the g ulf b e

.
tween the two and the hermit and the hou seholder
,
met the seeming triviality of the finite and the

,
seeming emptiness of t h e infinite alike d isapp e ared .
This was to put in a slightly different form the

story of my o w n experience of the entrancing
,
ray o f li g ht which found its way into the depths

of the cave into which I ha d re tired away from
all touch with the outer world and made me more ,
fully one with N ature again This N a tu r e s Re .

’
ven ge may b e look e d Upon as an introduction to
the whole of my future literary work ; or rath e r ,
this has b e en the subj ect on which all my writ

—
ings have dwelt the j oy of attaining the In fi nit e
within the finite .
On o u r way back from Karwar I wrote some

songs for the N a tu r e s Reven ge on board ship The ’
.
first o n e fill e d me with a great gladness as I san g ,
and wrote it sitting on the deck :

M o th e r l e a v e yo u r d a rli n g b o y t o u s
, ,
A n d let u s t a k e h i m to th e fi el d w h e r e we gra z e our
c a t tl e
1
.
The s u n has risen the buds have opened t h e , ,
cowherd boys are going to the pasture ; and they

would not ha ve the sunlight the flowers and , ,
their play 1 n the grazing grounds empty They .
want their S hya m ( K r ishna ) to be with them

there in t h e midst of all these They want to see
,
.
the Infinit e in all its carefully adorned loveliness ;

1
Th i s is a dd
t res s e d
f K i h a b y hi p la y
to Ya s h o d a , mo h e r o r s n , s
mat Y h d w ld d
es . p h a sd a li g
o y m i g i hi
a ou res s u er r n e v er o rn n n s
y ll w g a m t w ith a p a k p l m i h i h ai B t wh it a m
e o r en e co c u e n s r. u en c e
t th p i t
o h w
e ab t a ll wi g h i m y g h w
o n ,
s e a s n e r vo u s ou o n ,
oun a s e a s,
t j i th
o th
o n wh d b y at t h p a t a g
e o S it f t
er co q i d
er o s e s ur e . o o e n re u re
a g at d a l f p a i b f t h w ld b a ll w d t ta k h a g
re e o e rs u s on e o re ey ou e o e o e c r e
of h im T h i i p a t f th V i h
. p a abl f th h i ld a p t f
s s r o e a s n a va r e o e c s ec o
K i h a p la y w it h t h w ld T
’
r s n s e or . r.
goings and comings T o me it was all like a living

.
story .
A faculty o f many sightedness possessed me

-
at this time E ach little separate picture I ringe d

.
round with th e light o f my imagination and the

joy o f my heart ; every one o f them moreover , ,
b eing variou sly colou red by a pathos o f its o w n .
The pleasure o f thu s separately marking o ff each

picture was much the same as that of painting it ,
both being the outcome o f the d e sire to see with
the mind what the eye sees and with the eye what
,
the mind imagines .
Had I been a painter with the bru sh I would

doubtless have tried to kee p a permanent record
o f the visions and creations of that p eriod when
my mind wa s so alertly responsive But that .
instrument wa s no t available to me What I .
had was only words and rhythms and even with,
these I had not yet learnt to draw firm strokes ,
and the colou rs went beyond their margins S till .

,
like young folk with their fi rst p aint box I spent ,
the livelong day p ainting away with the many

coloured fancies of my new born youth - If these
.
pictures are now viewed in the light of that twenty

second year o f my life some featu res may be
,
discerned even through their crude drawing and

blurred colou rin g .
I have said that the first book o f my literary

MY R E MINIS CENCES 24 3
life came to an end with the M or n i ng S on gs .
The same subj ect was then continued under a

diff erent rendering M any a page at the outset
.
of th is Book I am sure is o f no value In th e

, , .
process o f maki ng a new beginning much in the

way o f su p erfluou s preliminary has to be gone
through H ad these been leaves o f trees they
.
would have duly dropped off U nfortunately .

,
leaves o f books continue to stick fast even when

they are no longer wanted The feature o f these
.
p oems was the closeness o f attention devoted even

to trifling t h i n gs x P i ctur es a n d S ongs seized every
opportunity o f giving value to these by colouring
them with feelings straight from the heart .
Or rather that was not it When the string

, , .
o f the mind is properly attuned to th e universe
then at each point the universal song can awaken

its sym p athetic vibrations It was because o f
.
this music rou sed within that nothing then felt

trivial to the writer Whatever my eyes fell Upon
.
found a response within me Like children who .
can play with sand or stones o r shells or whatever

they can get ( for the s p irit of play is within th em ) ,
so also we when filled with the song o f youth

, ,
become aware that the harp of th e universe has

its variously tuned strings everywhere stretched ,
and the nearest may serve as well as any other fo r

o u r accom paniment there is no need to seek afar
,
.
244 MY REMINISCENCES
( 3 9) A n I n ter ven i n g P er i od
Between the P i ctu r es a n d S on gs and the S ha rps

a n d F la ts ,
a child s magazine called the B a la ka
’
sprang up and end e d its b ri e f days lik e an annual

plant M y second sister i n law felt the want of
.
- -
an illu strated magazine f or children Her idea .
was that the young people of the family would

contribute to it bu t as she felt that that alone
,
would not b e enough she took U p the editorship

,
herself and asked me to help with contributions .
After o n e or two numbers o f the B a la ka had come

o u t I happened to go on a visit to R a j n a r a ya n
B abu at D e o gh u r On the return j ourn e y the

.
train was crowded and as there was an unshade d

light j ust ove r the only berth I could get I could
.
not sleep I thought I might as well take this o p

.
p o r t u n i t y o f thinking o u t a story for the B a la k a .
In spite o f my e ff orts to get hold o f the story it

eluded me but sleep came to the rescue instead
, .
I saw in a dream the stone steps o f a temple stain e d

with the blood o f victims of the sacrifice a little —
girl standing there with her father asking him in
“
piteou s accents : F ather what is this why all this
, ,
”
blood ? and t h e father inwardly moved t rying
, ,
with a show of gru ff ness to quiet her questionin g .
As I awok e I felt I had got my story I hav e .

Once a long haired youth brought me a letter

-
from an ima g inary sister in which she asked me to

take under my protection this brother of hers who
was suffering from the tyranny of a stepmother
as imaginary as herself The brother was not .
imaginary that was evident enough

, But his .
sister s letter was as unnecessary for me as expert

’
marksmanship to bring down a bird which cannot

fly .
Another young fellow came and inform e d me

that he was studying for the B A but could not . .
,
go U p for his examination as he was a ffl icted with

some brain trouble I felt concerned but being
.
,
far from profici e nt in medical science o r in any ,
oth e r science I was at a loss what advice to give

,
him But he went on to explain that h e had seen

.
in a dream th a t my wife had been his mother in

a former birth and that if h e could but drink some
,
water which had touched her feet he would get

“
cured P erhaps you don t believe in such
’
things he conclud e d with a smil e M y beli e f

, .
,
I said did not matter but if h e thought he could

, ,
get cured he was welcom e with which I procure d

, ,
him a phial of water which was supposed to have

touched my wife s feet He felt imm e nsely better
’
.
,
he said In the natu ral course of evolution from

.
water he came to solid food Then he took u p his .
quarters in a corner o f my room and began to hold

smoking parties with his fri e nds till I had to take ,
refu g e in flight from t h e smoke laden air He .
gradually proved beyond doubt that his brain

might have been diseased b u t it certainly was n o t
,
weak .
After this experience it took no end o f proof

before I could bring myself to pu t my tru st in
children of previou s births M y reputation mu st .
have spread for I next received a letter from a

daughter Her e however I gently b u t firmly drew
.
, ,
the line .
All this time my friendship with B abu S ri s h

Chandra M a gu n d a r ripen e d apace E very evening .
he and F rij a B abu would come to this little room

o f mine and we would discu ss literature and music
far into the night S ometim e s a whole day would

.
be sp e nt in t h e same way The fact is my s elf had

.
not yet been mould e d and nou rished into a strong

a n d definite p e rsonality and so my life drifted
along a s light and e asy as an autumn cloud .
( 40 ) Ba n ki m Cha n dr a
This was t h e tim e when my acquaintance with

B ankim B abu began M y first sight of him was a
.
matter o f long before T h e o ld stud e nts of Calcutta

.
U niversity had then started an annual reunion of ,
which Babu Ch a n d ra n a th B asu was the leading

spirit P e rhaps he e nt e rtained a hop e that at some

.
futu r e tim e I might acquire the r i g ht to be one o f

th e m ; anyhow I was ask e d to read a po e m o n t h e
occasion Ch a n d r a n a t h B abu was then quite a
.
young man I re memb e r he had translated some

.
martial G erman po e m into E nglish which he pro

posed to r e cit e himself on t h e day and came to ,
r e h e arse it to u s full o f e nthusiasm That a warrior

.
poet s ode to hi s b e lov e d sword should at one time

’
have been his favou rite poem will convince t h e

reader that even Ch a n d r a n a t h B abu was onc e
young ; and mor e ove r that those times were ind e ed
peculiar .
While wandering about in the crush at the

S tudents reunion I sudd e nly came across a figure
’
,
which at onc e struck me as distinguish e d beyond

that of all t h e others and who could not have pos
s i b ly been lost in any crowd The features of that
.
tall fair personage shone with such a striking r a

d i a n ce that I could not contain my curiosity about
—
him h e was the only one there whose name I felt
concern e d to know that d ay When I learnt he .
was B ankim B abu I marv e lled all the more it ,
seemed to me such a wonderful coincidence that

his appearance should be as distinguished as his
writings His sharp aquilin e nos e his compressed
.
,
lips and his keen glance all betokened immense

,
power With his arms fol d e d across his breast he

.
t a ti o nI had acquired was mixed with plenty of

doubt and not a little of cond e scension It was .
then the fashion in Bengal to assign each man of

l e tters a place in comparison with a supposed
compeer in the West Thu s one wa s the Byron of
.
Bengal another the E merson and so forth I

, .
began to be styled by some the Bengal S helle y .
This was insulting to S helley and only likely to get

me laughed at .
M y recognised cognomen was t h e L isping P oet .
M y attainments were few my knowled g e of life

,
meagre and both in my p o etry and my prose the

,
sentiment exceeded the substance S o that th e re

.
was nothing there on which anyone could have

based his prais e with any degree of confidence .
M y dress and behaviour were of the same anoma

lous description I wore my hair long and indul g ed
.
probably in an Ultra poetical refinement o f manner

-
.
In a word I was eccentric and could not fit myself

into everyday life like t h e ordinary man .
At this time B abu Akshay S arkar had started

his monthly revi e w the N a ba j i ba n N ew L ife to
, , ,
which I used occasionally to cont r i b ute B ankim .
Babu had j ust closed the chapt e r of his editorship

of t h e B a n ga D a r s a n the M irror of Bengal and
, ,
was busy with reli g ious d iscu ssions for which pu r

pos e he had started the monthly P r a cha r the , ,
P r e acher To this also I contributed a son g or

.
two and an e ffusive appreciation o f Va i s hn a va

lyrics .
F rom now I began constantly to m e et B ankim

Babu He was th e n living in Bhabani D utt s
.
’
street I u sed to visit him frequently it is tru e

.
, ,
b u t there was not much of conversation I was .
then o f the a g e to listen not to talk I fervently, .
wished we could warm u p into some discu ssion but ,
my di ffi dence got the better of my conversational

powers S om e days S anj ib Babu would be there
.
1
reclining on his bolster The sight would gladden.
me for he was a genial soul He delighted in talk

, .
ing and it was a d e li g ht to listen to his talk Those .
who have read his prose writing mu st have noticed

how gaily and airily it flows o n like the sprightliest
of conversation Very few have this gift of con
.
versation and fewer still the art o f translating it

,
into writing .
This was the time when P andit S a s h a d h a r rose

into prominence Of him I first heard from
.
Bankim B abu If I remember ri g ht Bankim B abu

.
was also responsible f o r introducing him to the

public The cu riou s attempt made by Hindu
.
orthodoxy to revive its prestige with the help o f

western science soon spread all over the countr y .
Theosophy for some time previously had been

pre paring the ground for such a movement N o t .
f Ba ki m Bab b th ’
O 1
ne o n u s ro ers .
that B ankim B abu e ven thoroughly identifi e d him

s e lf with this cult N o shadow of S a s h a dh a r wa s
.
cast on his exposition of Hinduism as it found

—
expression in the P r a ch a r that was impossible .
I was then coming o u t o f the seclusion o f my

corner as my contributions to these controversies
will show S ome o f these were satirical verses
.
,
some farcical plays others letters to newspapers

, .
I thus came down into the arena from the re gions

o f sentiment and began to spar in right earnest .
In the heat o f the fight I happ e ned to fall foul

o f B ankim B abu . The history o f this remains
r e corded in the P r a ch a r and B ha r a ti of those days
and need not be r e peated here At the close of
.
this period o f antagonism B ankim B abu wrot e me

a letter which I have unfortunat e ly lost Had it
.
been here the reader could have seen with what

consummate generosity B ankim B abu had taken
the sting out of that unfortunate episode .
( 4 1 ) The S tea mer H u lk
U R E D by an advertis e m e nt in some
paper my brother Jyo t i r i n d r a went o ff
one afternoon to an auction sale an d ,
o n his return informed u s that he had bought a
steel hulk for seven thousand rupees ; all that

n o w remained being to pu t in an engine and
some cabins for it to become a full fl ed ged -
steamer .
M y brother must have thought it a great shame

that ou r countrymen shoul d have their tongues
and pens going but not a single line o f steamers
,
.
As I have narrated b e fore he had tried to li g ht ,
matches for his country but no amount o f rubbing

,
availed to make th e m strike He had also wanted .
power looms to work but after all his travail only

-
,
o n e little country towel was born and then the ,
loom stopped And now that he wanted Indian

.
steamers to ply he bought an empty o ld hulk

, .
which in due cou rse was filled not only with, ,
engines and cabins but with loss and m i n as well

,
.
And yet we should remember that all the loss

and hardship due to his end e avours fell o n him
alone while the gain o f experience remained in
,
reserv e for the whole country It is these uncal .
c u la t i n g,
unbusinesslik e spirits who keep the
25 5
business fie ld s of the country fl o o de d with th e ir

-
activities And though t h e flood subsides as

.
,
rapidly as it comes it leaves b e hind fertilising silt

,
to enrich the soil When the time for reapin g ar

.
rives no one thinks of these pioneers ; but those

who have cheerfully staked and lost their all ,
during life are not likely after death to mind this

, , ,
further loss of being forgotten .
On one side was t h e E u ropean F lotilla Compan y ,
o n the other my brother J yo t i r i n d ra alone ; an d

how tremendous waxed that battle o f the m e rcan
til e fleets the peopl e o f Khulna and Barisal may
,
still remember U nder t h e stress of competition

.
st e amer was added to steamer loss pil e d on loss , ,
while the income dwindled till it ceased to b e

worth while to print tick e ts The golden a ge .
dawned on the steamer service betwe e n Khulna

and Barisal No t only were t h e passenge rs carried
.
free of charge but they were o ff e r e d li g ht refresh

,
ments gr a ti s as well ! Then was formed a band of

volunteers who with flags and patriotic s o ngs
, ,
marched the passeng e rs in proc e ssion to the Indian

line of steamers S o while there was no want of
.
passengers to carry e very other kind of want ,
began to multiply apac e .
A rithmetic remain e d u n i n fl u e n ce d by patriotic

fervour ; and while enthusiasm flamed high e r and
hi gh e r t o t h e tun e of patri o tic son g s thre e tim e s ,
three went o n steadily makin g nine o n the wrong

si d e of t h e b alance sh e e t .
One of the misfortun e s which always pursues

the unbusin e sslike is that whil e they are as easy ,
to re ad a s an op e n book th e y never learn to read

,
t h e character o f oth e rs And sinc e it takes th e m

.
t h e whole o f their lifetime and all their resources
to find out this weakn e ss o f th e irs they n ever g et ,
t h e chance o f profitin g by e xp e ri e nce While t h e .
pa s s e n g ers w e r e havin g fre e r e fre shments the sta ff ,
sh o we d no si g ns of b e ing starved either but never ,
t h e le s s the g r e atest g ain remained with my brother
in the ruin he so valiantly faced .
Th e daily bulletins of victory o r disaster which

used to arrive from the theatre of action k e pt u s
in a fever of excitement Then one day came the.
n e ws that t h e st e amer S wa des h i had fouled the ‘
Howrah bridge and sunk With this last loss my .
broth e r completely overst e pped the limits o f his

resou rces and th e re was nothing f o r it but to
,
wind u p the busin e ss .
( 4 2 ) B er e a vemen ts
In the meantime d e ath made its appearanc e in

o u r family Before this I had never met D e ath
.
,
fac e to face Wh e n my moth e r di e d I was quite

.
a child Sh e had b e en ailin g for q uite a long time

.
,
and we did not even know when her malady had

taken a fatal turn S h e u sed all along to sl e ep on
.
a separate bed in the sam e room with u s Then .
in the cou rse of her illness s h e wa s taken f o r a boat

trip o n the river and on her return a room on the
,
third storey o f the inner apartments was set apart

for her .
On the night she died we were fast asl e ep in o u r

room downstairs At what hour I cannot tell o u r
.
,
old nu rse came running in w e eping and cryin g :

“
O my little ones you have lost your all !
,
”
My
sister i n law rebu ked her and led her away to save
- -
,
u s the sudden shock at dead of night . Half awak

ened by her words I felt my h e art sink within me
, ,
but could not make o u t what had happened .
When in the morn i ng we were told of her death ,
I could not realize all that it meant for me .
As we came o u t into the verandah we saw my

mother laid o n a bedstead in the courtyard There.
was nothin g in her appearance which showed death

to be terrible The aspect which death wore in
.
that morning light was as lovely as a calm and

peaceful sle e p and the gulf between life and its
,
absence was not brought home to u s .
Only when her body was tak e n out by the main

gateway and we followed t h e procession to the
,
cremation ground d i d a storm of g ri e f pass throu g h

,
me at t h e thou g ht that mother would never return

purity of these j essamine buds ; and that wheth e r

we know it o r not this tenderness is o n the earth
,
in boundless measure .
The acquaintance which I made with Death at

the a g e of twenty four was a permanent o n e an d
-
,
its blow has continued to add itself to each suc

c e e d i n g ber e avement in an ever lengthening chain
of tears The li g htness of infant life can skip asid e

.
from the greatest of calamities but with age eva ,
sion is not so easy and the shock o f that day I

,
had to take full on my breast .
That there could be any gap in the unbroken

procession o f th e j oys and sorrows o f life was a
thing I had no idea of I could therefore see .
nothing beyond and this life I had accepted as

,
all in all When o f a sudden death came and in a

.
moment made a gaping rent in its smooth seemin g -
fa bric I was Utterly bewildered All around the

,
.
,
trees the soil the water the sun the moon t h e

, , , , ,
stars remained as immovably true a s before ; an d

,
yet the person who was as trul y there who throu g h , ,
a thousand points of contact with life mind and , ,
heart was ever so much more true for me had

, ,
vanished in a moment like a dream What per .
p le x i n g self contradiction
-
it all seemed to me a s
I looked around ! How was I ever to recon

cile that which remained with that which had
gone ?
The terrible darkness which was disclosed to me

through this rent continued to attract me night
,
and day as t 1me went o n I would ever and anon

.
return to take my stand there and gaze U pon it ,
wondering what there was left in place o f what

had gone E mptiness is a thing man cannot bring
.
himself to believe in ; that which is n ot is u ntru e ; ,
that which is untrue is not So o u r eff orts to find

,
.
s omething where we see nothing are unceasing

, , .
Just as a young plant surrounded by darkness

, ,
s tretches itself a s it were o n tiptoe to find its

, ,
way o u t into the light so when death suddenly

,
throws the darkness o f negation round the soul it

tries and tries to rise into the light of affirmation .
And what other sorrow is comparable to the state

wherein darkness prevents the fi nding o f a way
o u t o f the darkness ?
And yet in the midst o f this unbearable grief ,
flashes o f j oy seemed to sparkle in my mind now ,
and again in a way which quite surprised me

,
.
That life was no t a stable permanent fixture was

itself the sorrowful tidings which helped to lighten
my mind That we were n o t prisoners for ever
.
within a solid stone wall o f life was the thought

which unconsciously kept coming uppermost in
ru shes o f gladness That which I had held I was
.
—
made to let go this was the sense o f loss which
distressed me but when at the same moment I
,
-
viewed it from the standpoint o f freedom gained ,
a great peace fell upon me .
The all pervading pressure o f worldly existence

-
com p ensates itself by balancing life against death ,
and thu s it does not crush u s The terrible weight

.
of an unopposed life force has not to be endured

—
by ma m this truth came u p on me that day as
a sudden wonderful revelation
, .
With the loosening o f the attraction o f the world ,
the beauty o f nature took o n for me a deeper

meaning Death had given me the correct per
.
s pec t i v e from which to perceive the world in the
fulness o f its beauty, and as I saw the picture of

the U niverse against the b ackground o f Death I
found it entrancing .
At this time I was attacked with a recrudescence

of eccentricity in thought and behaviou r To be .
called Upon to submit to the customs and fashions

o f the day as if they were something soberly and
,
genuinely real made me want to laugh I cou ld

, .
not take them seriously The burden o f stopping

.
to consider what other people might think of me

was completely lifted o ff my mind I have been .
about in fashionable book shops with a coarse sheet

draped round me as my only U pper garment and ,
a pair of sli pp ers o n my bare feet Through hot .
and cold and wet I u sed to sleep o u t o n the ver

andah of the third storey There the stars and
.
(4 3 ) The R a i ns a nd A u tu mn
According to the Hindu calendar each year is ,
ruled by a particular planet So have I found that

.
in each period o f life a particular season assumes

a special importance When I look back to my
.
childhood I can best recall the rainy days T h e .
wind driven rain has flooded the verandah floor

-
.
The row of doors leading into the rooms are all

closed P ea ri the old scullery maid is coming
.
, ,
from the market her basket laden with vegetables

, ,
wading through t h e slush and drenched with the

rain And for no rhyme o r reason I am careerin g
.
about the verandah in an ecstasy o f j oy .
—
This also comes back to me z I am at school ,
o u r class is held in a colonnade with mats as outer
screens ; cloud upon cloud has come Up during the

afternoon and they are no w hea p ed Up covering
, ,
the sky ; and as we look on the rain comes down

,
in close thick showers the thunder at intervals

,
rumbling long and loud ; some mad woman with

nails o f lightning seems to be rending the sky from
end to end ; the mat walls tremble under the blasts
o f wind a s if they would be blown in ; we can hardly
see to read for the darkness The P andit gives

,
.
u s leave to close o u r books Then leaving the

.
storm to do the romping and roaring for u s we ,
k e e p swin g in g o u r dangling legs ; and my mind goes

right away across the f ar o ff unendin g moor -
through which the P rinc e of the fairy tale

passes .
I remember moreover the depth o f the S r a va n

,
1
,
nights The pattering of the rain finding its way

.
through the gaps o f my slumber creates within a ,
gladsome restfulness deep e r than the deepest sleep .
A n d in the wakeful intervals I pray that the morn

ing may see the rain continu e o u r lane und e r ,
water and the bathing platform of the tank sub

,
merged to the last step .
But at the age o f which I have j ust been telling ,
Autumn is o n the throne beyond all doubt Its .
life is to be seen spread u nder the clear trans

parent leisure o f As wi n And in the molten gold
2
.
o f this autumn sunshine softly reflected from ,
the fresh dewy green outsid e I am pacing the ,
verandah and composing in the mode j ogi ya , ,
the song :
hi s mo rn i n g light
In t I do no t k n ow wha t it is t hat
my h ea rt d e si r e s .
The autumn day wears o n the house gon g ,
sounds 1 2 noon the mod e changes ; thou g h my

,
1
Th e mo n th co rr es p di g
on n to J u ly Au g t
- us , th e he ig h t of th e
r ai y a
n se so n .
1
Th e mo n th of A s wi n co rres p d
on s to S ep tember-O cto be r , t h e lo n g
v c a ati on ti m
e fo r B galen .
mind is still filled with music leaving no room for ,
call of work or duty ; and I sing

Wha t i d l e pl a y i s thi s w ith yo u rs el f ,
my h ea r t ,
th ro ugh th e li s tles s ho u rs ?
!
Then in the afternoon I am lying o n the white

fl o o r c lo t h of my little room with a drawing book
,
—
trying to draw pictures b y no means an arduous
,
pu rsuit of the pictorial muse but j ust a toying ,
with the d e sire to make pictures The most i m .
portant part is that which remains in the mind ,
and of which not a line gets drawn o n the paper .
And in the meantime the serene autumn afternoon

is filtering through the walls o f this little Calcutta
room fil ling it as a cu p with golden intoxication
, , .
I know not why but all my days of that period

,
I see as if through this autumn sky this autumn ,
—
light the autumn which ripened for me my songs
as it ripens the corn for the tillers ; the autumn which
filled my granary of leisure with radiance ; the a u
t u mn which flooded my unburdened mind with an
unreasoning joy in fashioning song and story .
The great diff erence which I see between the

R ainy season of my childhood and the Autumn of
-
my youth is that in the former 1t 1s outer N ature

which closely hemmed me in keeping me enter
t a i n e d with its numerous troupe its va riegated ,
make u p its medley of music ; while the festivity

-
,
This is the prayer o f the in d ividual to the un iversal

life .
When I started f o r my second voyage to E n g

land I made the a cquaintance o n board ship o f
,
A s u to s h Chaudhuri H e had j ust taken the M A

. . .
degree o f the Calcutta U niversity and was on his

way to E ngland to join the Bar We were together .
only during the few days the steamer took from

Calcutta to M adras b u t it became quite evident
,
that depth o f friendshi p does not depend Upon

l e ngth o f acquaintance Within this short time
.
he so drew me to him by his simple natu ral qual

ities of heart that the p revious life long gap in
,
-
our acquaintanc e seemed always to have been

filled with o u r friendship .
When A s h U came back from E ngland he became

o ne of u s
1
H e had not as yet had time or o p
.
p o r t u n i t y to pierce through all the barriers with

which his profession is hedged in and so become ,
completely immersed in it The money bags of .

-
his clients had no t yet sufficiently loosened the

s trings which held their gold and Ashu was still ,
an enthusiast in gathering honey from variou s

gardens of literature The spirit of literature which
.
then satu rated his being had nothin g o f the mu sti

ness o f library morocco about it but was fragrant ,
with the scent o f unknown exotics from over the

1
R f i g t h i ma ia g w ith th w it
e e rr n o s rr e i P atib h a T
e r
’
er s n e ce , r . r.
s eas At his invitation I enjoyed many a picnic

.
amidst the spring time o f those distant woodlands .
H e had a special taste for the flavour o f F rench

literature I was then writing the poems which
.
came to be published in the volume entitled Ka di

o K oma l S harps and F lats
, Ashu could discern re
.
semblances between many of my poems and old

F rench p oems he knew According to him the
.
common element in all these poems was the a t

traction which the play o f world life had for the
-
poet and this had found varied expression in each

,
and every one of them The unful fi lled desire to

.
enter into this larger life was the fundamental

motive throughout .
“
I will arrange and publish these poems f o r
y o,u said Ashu and,
accordingly that task wa s
entrusted to him The poem beginning Th i s wor ld
.
i s s weet was the o n e he considered to be the key

note o f the whole series and s o he p laced it at the
beginning o f the volume .
Ashu was very possibly right When in child

.
hood I was confin e d to the house I o ffered my ,
heart in my wistful gaze to outside nature in all

its variety through the O penings in the para p et
o f ou r inner roof terrace
-
In my youth the world
.
o f men in the same way exerted a powerful a t
traction o u me T o that also I was then an out

.
sider and looked o u t Upon it from th e roadside .

M y mind standing the brink called out as it

on ,
were with an eager waving of hands to the ferry

,
man sailing away across the waves to the other

side F o r L ife longed to start o n life s journey
.
’
.
It is n o t true that my p eculiarly isolated social

condition was the bar to my p lunging into the
midst of the world life I see no sign that those
-
.
of my countrymen w h o have been all their lives

in the thick of society feel any more than I did, ,
t h e touch o f its living intimacy The life o f our

.
country has its high banks and its flight of steps

, ,
and on its dark waters falls the cool shade o f the

,
ancient trees while from within the leafy branches

,
over head the koel coo es forth its ravishing old

-
time song But for all that it is stagnant water

. .
Where is its current where are the waves when

, ,
does the high tide rush in from the sea ?

D i d I then get from the neighbourhood on the
other side o f o u r lane an echo of the victoriou s
p aean with which the river falling and rising wave
, ,
after wave cuts its way through walls of stone

,
to the sea ? No ! M y life in its solitude was simply

fretting for want o f an invitation to the place
where the festival o f world life was being held-
.
M a n is overcome by a profound depression while

nodding throu g h his voluptuously lazy hours o f
seclusion because in this way he is deprived o f full
,
commerce with life S uch is the despondency

.
there f o r the free goings and comings o f travellers ,
then the dead things that accumulate around u s

never ge t removed but continu e to be hea p ed up
,
till they smother all life ,

.
D uring the R ains there are only dark clouds and

showers And in the Autumn there is the play o f
.
light and shade in the sky but that is not all ,
absorbing ; for there is also the promise of corn in

the fields So in my poetical career when the
.
,
rainy season was in the ascendant there were only

my vaporous fancies w hich stormed and showered ;
my utterance was misty my verses were wild ,
.
And with the S ha rps a n d F la ts of my Autumn ,
not only was there the p lay of cloud effects in the -
sky but out of the ground crops were to be seen

,
rising Then in the commerce with the world of

.
,
reality both language and metre attem p ted def

,
i n i t e n e s s and variety of form .
Thu s ends another Book The days o f coming .
together of inside and outside kin and stranger , ,
are closing in upon my life M y life s j ourney has .

’
now to be completed through the dwelling places

o f men And the good and evil joy and sorrow
.
, ,
which it thu s encountered are not to be lightly ,
viewed as pictures What makings and breakings

.
,
victories and defeats clashings and minglings are , ,
here going o n !
I have not the power to disclose and display the
supreme art with which the G uide o f my life is

j oyfully leading me through all its obstacles a n ,
t a go n i s ms and crookednesses towards t h e f u lfil
ment of its innermost meaning And if I cannot .
make clear all the mystery o f this design whatever ,
else I may try to show is sure to prove misl e ading

at every step T o analyse the image is only to
.
get at its dust not at the joy o f the artist

,
.
S o having escorted them t o the door o f the inner

sanctuary I take leave o f my readers .
d in th e U ni t d St
Pri nte e a tes of Americ a
B Y TH E S A M E A U TH OR
Perso na li ty
Cloth , Iz mo .
H erei n gh t tog eth r some of th e l ct s whi ch Sir R abi

a re b ro u e e u re n
dra na th T a g d eli v ed whi le i thi s c t y Am g th se i

o re er n o un r . on o n
clu d ed e f d Wh at i A t? T h W ld f P
ar o un : ality T h e s r e or o erso n ,
S eco d B i r t h M y S h ool d M edi tati

n , M a y f th th
c a ds a n on . n o e ous n
of peop le wh h a d Si R bi d o th p ak
e r th d i ff t ub
r a n ra n a s e on ese e ren s
j e ts will d o btl
c b gla d o f th
u p p rt u i ty h ere p esen ted f r
es s e e O o n r o
furth e tu dy of hi s th ugh ts a nd p hi losop h y

r s o .
So ngs o f Ka bir
Cloth , Iz mo , 5 . L ea ther ,
agT ore ha s giv
g th ir m lo d i c E gli h t a lati n
en hi s son s e e n s r ns o
an d Mi s E v ly
s U d hill h
e p pa d n x ll t p fa e f th
n er a s re re a n e ce en re c or e
volu me whi ch tli e th lif d p hi l so p h y of

ou n s R vi w e e an o e e
f
o R evi ews .
No on e a t y p at ti
i n th e le s s m p i it a a p i ati
h e c to s r u l s r d o n ca n rea
t tp g it t at g at t i a
h es e ou o u ri n s w h o u c chi n fir e g tt g
h e r fl me a n d e i n a
p a t g
sen se o f s u ern l hi n s ag a
T or e , p i it d a
ki n d re d s r , h a s on e
. se rv
i ce i n m k n a i gt y ti xp i a
hi s o ld m s c , wh o se so ul e e r en ces di d n o t m k e
him ab t a t ig
s r c , w h o se h g t at
h so n wa s h a tio f th e a a
s ce c , b u t o f we v er
wh o ro t d
th e co mmon w ay gi ad
s o f ma n , k n o wn to E n l sh re ers
”
.
B ellma n , M i n n ea poli s , M i n n .
U p a lity f li f h
on th e t h i fai th d b tt
re o it wi th
e e e rec s s ,
an u r ess es
wh at f d
ever o ti al g d h m y fi d i y li gi
ev o on N a oo ti e a n n an re on . o s ce c,
K abi p i t r th my ti w ld f h i b li f with a b
c u res e sti f l i h
c or o s e e ea u u r c n ess
f ymb li m
”
o s oP h l d lph i P bli L d g
s . i a e a u c e er .
N t nly t d t f I d ia lit at
o o s u f mp a ati
en s o ligi
n n er u re o r o co r v e re on s
wi ll w l m t h ie co t ik i g t a lati
e f a fif t
s th — t y I d i
s r n r ns on o een c en u r n an
my ti s E c. y wh i ap abl f p d i g t
ve r on e a pp al t a t
o s c e o re s on n o an e o c s
ofi th w th i g
e s f f m li m
a dn m s ot i t p i it al f d m
or a s an co e ou n o s r u ree o ,
v y
e er wh i on e iti t p t y th at wh il hi ghly ymb li l
o s sen s ve o oe r ,
e s o ca ,
i y t l a
s e d imp l
c e r an d f ll f b a ty will
s ad it with i t t
e an u o e u , re n eres
d wi th h a t q i k i g N w Y k Ti m ”
an e r -
u c en n . e or es .
TH E M A CM I LLA N CO M PA N Y
P u b li s h ers —
64 66 F i f th Aven ue N ew York
The Cycle o f S pring : A Pla y

Cloth , Iz mo , L ea th er ,
T hi s , th e l a tes t a n d r i ch es t o f th e a uth or s pla y s , wa s

’
r ecently p er fo r med i n th e co ur tya r d o f hi s Ca lcu tta h ome
by ma s ter s a n d b o ys o f S h a n ti nik eta n T h e s uccess

th e .
wa s immen s e : a n d n a tura lly , f or th e spi ri t of th e pla y i s

th e spi ri t of un i ver s a l youth fi ll ed
,
t ugh ter a n d
wi h la
lyri c ferv our j es t a n d pa th o s a n d r es urgen ce : i mmor ta l
,
youth wh os e ev ery d ea th i s a rebi rth every wi nter a n ,
en fold ed s pr in g .
All th e j oy th e b u oya n cy th e r es ili en ce th e i n d omi t

, , ,
ab l e a n d i rr epr es s i ble h opefu ln es s o f Y o u th a r e compa cted

i n th e li n es o f th e pla y T h e k eyn ote i s s ou n d ed wi th
.
,
sub tle s ymb oli s m i n th e P r elu d e i n whi ch th e Ki ng r a nk s

, ,
ab ov e a ll ma tters of Sta te or o f H uma n i ty th e ci r cum

s ta n ces th a t two gra y h a i r s h a d ma d e th ei r appea ra n ce
b eh i n d th e ea r th a t mo r ni ng D r a ma ti c power
.
,
p h ilo s o p h y a n d lyr i c ch a r m a r e b r i lli a n tly b le n d e d i n a
wor k o f a r t th a t h a s th e fr es h n es s a n d th e pr omi s e o f i ts
th eme New York Tri bun e
.
”
.
A more b ea utiful pl a y th a n Th e Cycl e o f Spr i ng

‘ ’
b y S i r R a b i nd r a n a th T a gore i t wo u ld b e h a r d to find i n
a ll li ter a tur e . I t emb o di es th e s pi r i t o f y o u th a n d o n e ,
ca n a lmo st h ea r i n i t th e la ugh ter o f th e e ter n a lly y ou ng .
N o t o n ly th e gla mo r o f th e O ri en t b u t th e b rea th o f
U n dyi n g Y o u th i s i n th i s wo r k o f T a gor e a g eni u s s o ,
p ec u li a r to I n di a s o,
utt er ly i n a r ti fici a l s o c o m p l,e t ely
o f i ma gi n a ti on all compact th a t h i s col os s a l p ower b egotten
o f F a i ryla n d a n d th e Wor ld o f Vi s i on s ma k es u s poor
O cci d en ta ls l ook ver y s ma ll i n d eed

”
R och es ter P os t
.
TH E M A CM ILLA N CO M P A N Y
b
P u li s h er s 64 66 Fif th Aven u e
-
N ew Y k or
S tra y Birds
F ron ti spi ece an d D ecorations b y Will y Poga ny
Iz ma ,
Written during hi s presen t vi sit to Amer i ca th i s b ook ,
ma y b e s a i d to con ta i n th e ess en ce o f a ll T a gore s po etry ’
a n d ph i l o s oph y revea l ed b y ma ny aph ori sms epigra ms

, ,
a n d sa y i ng s .
H ere i s th e k ern el of th e wisd o m a n d i ns igh t of th e

gr ea t H i n du s eer i n th e form of shor t extra cts Th ese .
s a yi ngs a r e th e e s s en ce o f hi s E a s ter n me ss a ge to th e
Wes tern world Th e fron ti spi ece a nd d ecorati ons b y

.
Wi lly P oga ny a re b eauti ful i n th ems elv es a n d enh a n ce ,
th e spiri tua l signi fi cance of thi s extra ordi n a ry b ook .
E a ch r efl e me aspect of b ea uty , i n th ough t or i n

cts so
na ture , or so me o f th e ma n y s i d ed phi l o s oph i ca l refl ecti o n s

-
of th e au th or I n on e sen s e th es e s tra y b i rd s a r e tiny

.
p r o se p o em s a f,act w hi c h m a k es th e d e d i cat i on o f th e
volume to T H ara of Yokoh a ma peculi a rly appropri

‘
.
, ,
’
a te f or th ey all s uggest th e d el i cacy a n d mi n uten ess o f

,
J ap a n es e p o etr y a s i t i s k n ow n to us i n tr a ns l a ti on ”
.
P hi la d elphi a P ubli c L edger .
Plea s in g an d inspiring . B os ton D a i ly A dvcrti s er .
uttera n ces h a ve s ometh ing o f th e elus i v e d eli cacy

H is
”
of memo ri es o f mora l exper i en ces o u t of a r emote pa s t .
N a ti on .
TH E NIACM IL LA N CO M P A N Y
P u b li s h ers 64—
6 6 F ifth Avenu e N ew York
Nob el P ri z ema n i n L i teratur e, 1 913 . Auth o r of Gita n

” “ ”
j a li , Th e Gar d ener , “
T h e Cr es cen t M oo n , ” “
Sa d
ha na .
A PLAY IN ONE ACT
Cloth , 12 mo , Lea ther ,
play i s tol d wi th th e s impli city a n d won d er o f

Th e
i magery alwa ys ch ar acteri s ti c o f R a b i n d ra n a th T ago re .
”
Clevela nd P la i n D ea ler .
A ll th e po etry of T agor e i s h er e .
J ou r na l .
B eautif ul a nd ma rk ed b y s ki lfu l rh y thm . N ewa rk
A clear portra ya l of th e dual na tur e of woma n ki n d .
Th e pl a y is fin ely i dyllic . Chi ca go D a ily Tribune .
Apretty si tuation pretti ly wor ked o ut An d th ere

,
.
is somethi ng piqua n t i n th e comb in a ti on of th e old H i ndu

metaph ori ca l style h alf mys ti cal i n allus i on wi th wh at
, ,
i s reall y a pl ea f or th e ema n ci pati on o f women

”
The .
TH E M A CM ILLA N CO M PANY
P ub li sh e rs 64 6 6 F if th Av
-
N w Y rk en u e e o
Frui t Ga thering
Cloth , Ie mo, L ea ther ,
A shi ni ng pa th wa y up whi ch we ca n confi den tly

tr a vel to th os e r egi on s of wi s dom and experi en ce whi ch
cons ci ously or un con s ci ous ly we str ive to r each B os ton
”
.
Tr a ns cr i pl .
! ua n i tly lovely fr agments .

”
Chi ca go H er a ld .
E xqui s itel y
con ceiv ed a n d wi th all th e di s ti n cti v e
gra ce whi ch ma r k ed S ong Off eri ngs ” ‘
. S a n F r a n ci s co
E xoti c fragrance . Chi ca go D a i ly N ews .
Th e gs h a ve th e qua lity of
s on —
un i v ers a lity th e
gr ea test qua lity whi ch poetry ca n pos s es s ”
. Chi ca go
As perfect in form as they are b eauti ful a nd poigna nt

i n c on tent The A thenaeum Lond on
”
. .
,
Nothi ng rich er n or sweeter Somethi ng of Oma r

.
Kh a yy a m a nd some thi ng of R a bb i b en E z r a express ed ,
mor e a t l ength a n d more my s ti ca lly In smoo thly fl owi ng .
r h y th ms wi th vi vi d littl e pi ctur es of li f e s acti vi ti es th e

’
, ,
poet si ngs of old a ge th e frui t ga th eri ng ti me i ts sa dn es s

, ,
a n d i ts gl ory i ts a dva n ta ges a n d i ts so rr ows

”
,
The B os ton .
Globe .
TH E M A CM ILLA N CO M P A N Y
b li
Pu sh e s
r 6 4—66 Fi fth Aven ue N ew York
B Y TH E S A EIE A U TH OR
The King of the Da rk Cha mber

By
RABIN D RANATH TA GOR E
N ob el P ri z eman i n L i ter a tur e,

“
1 91 3 ; A u th or of Gi tan
T h e Cr escen t M oon
“ ” “ ”
ga li ,
”
Th e Ga r d en er , ,
“ ” “ ”
S a dh an a Chi tr a ,
” “
Th e P o s t Office etc Cl oth
,
-
, .
1 2 mo ,
l ea th er ,
Th e al re poeti cal i magi n a ti on nch a ngeab l e ;

of it is u
th e all egory s u b tl e a n d pr o fo un d a n d ye t s i mpl e i s ca s t

, ,
i n to th e form of a dr a ma ti c n a rra ti ve whi ch mov es wi th ,
u n conven ti on al fr eed om to a fin el y i mpres s i ve cli ma x ; a n d
th e rea d er wh o b ega n i n i dl e cu ri os i ty fin d s hi s i n telli gen ce

, ,
mor e a n d mor e enga ged u n til wh en h e turn s th e la s t pa ge

, ,
h e h a s th e f eeli ng of on e wh o h a s b een movi n g i n worl d s

no t rea li z ed a n d communi ng wi th gr ea t if my s teri ous
,
r es en ces
”
p .
B
PU L ISH E D B Y
T H E M A C M I L L A N CO M P AN Y
Publi sh er s 6 4-6 6 Fi f th Av en u e N ew York
O THER W O R KS BY
RA BINDRA NA TH TA GO RE
Nobel P r i z ema n i n Li ter a ture , 191 3
G ITANJ ALI ( So n g Ofieri ngs ) A ollec on o f P r ose T r ns l o ns m d e b y

' '
. C ti a ati a
at
th e u h o r fro m th e o r g n l en g li N ew E d ti o n 5 ii a B a . i
TH E G AR D E NE R P oems o f Yo u h . t
C C
TH E RE S E N T M O N h ld P oe ms ( o lored I ll ) O C i . . C .
H
S AD AN A : TH E R E ALI! ATI O N O F LIF E A vo lume o f .
es s ay s 5
All four by R a b in dra na th Tagore tran slated by th e au th or from th e ,
o ri gi n al B e g a li n .
R a bi d n th T a go e i s th e H in d u poet a n d p rea ch er to wh om th e No bel

ra n a r
P i e wa s ece tly awa d ed

r z r n r .
I wo uld o mme d t h ese volumes a n d es pecially th e o e e titled

“
c n Sa d , n n
h an a th e c lle ti o f es s a y s to ll i telli g e t r ea d ers I k o w f n th i ng

”
,
o c on , a n n . n o o ,
ex cep t it b e M a ete li k i n th e wh le mod ern r an ge of th e lite atur e o f th e

r nc , o r
inner li fe th at ca compa e with th em n r .
T h ere a re p ea ch n or writers u po spi itua l topi cs wh eth er i n E urope

no r ers n r ,
or A me i ca t h at h av e th e d ep th o f i s g h t th e q u i ck ess o f r eli gi o us a ppet

r ,
n i , n
c epti o n, comb i ed with th e i ntellectu a l h on es ty a n d

n ci e ti fic clearn ess o f s n
T a go re .
H e e i s a b ok from a ma ter free a s th e a i r with a mi d un ivers al a s th e

r o s , , n
s u s hi e
n H e w ites o f co u e f o m th e s ta dpo i t o f th e H i d u
n . r , B ut rs ,
r n n n .
,
s tr a ng to sa y h i
e pirit a d tea ch i g co me nea er to J es us a s we find H i m
, s s n n r ,
i n th e Go p el th a n a y mo d ern C h ri s tia n wri t r I k o w

s s, n e n .
H e d o e f or th e av e age r ea d er wh at B e g so a d E ck en a e d o in g f or
s r r n n u r
s ch olars ; h e res cu es th e so ul a d i ts f a cu lti es f m th ei r e laveme t to n ro ns n
lo gi c ch opp i ng
-
H e s h ows u s th e wa y b ack to N atur e a n d h er sp ir itua l
.
vo rces .
H e re buk es our materiali sti c wealth ma d Wes tern li fe with th e dign ity ,
-
,
a d a uth o rity
n f o ne o f th e o ld H eb rew p ro ph ts
o e .
H e op u p th e mea i n g o f l fe
e ns H e ma k es u s feel th e red eemi n g f act th at
n i .
li fe i s tremend o u s a wo r th wh i le a d ve tu re E very th i g h a s s p run g fr m

“
,
-
n . n o
i mmortal li fe a d i s vi b rating wi th li fe LI F E I S I M M E N S E
n . .
”
T a gor e i s a gr eat h uma n b ei ng Hi s h ea t i wa m wi th l v H i s th o ugh ts . r s r o e .
a r e pure a n d hi g h a th e g alaxy s .
( Co pyr i gh t 1 9 1 3 by F r ank C r a ne ) R ep i t ed by permi ss i o n from th e

, ,
r n
New York Globe, D ec . 1 8, 19 13 .
B L IS HE D B Y PU
T HE M A CM I L L A N C O M P A N Y
P u b li s h er s 64 66 Fi f th Avenu N w Y k - e e or

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MyReminiscences 10000065

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R A BINDRA NA TH TAGORE

WITH F R ONTIS P IE CE F ROM TH E PO R T RAIT

B Y TH E A LLAN COM PAN Y

H E SE R eminiscences w e re written and

I p ublished by t h e Au th o r in his ﬁftieth

to E u ro p e and America for his failing health

he wrote for the ﬁrst time in t h e E nglish language

In these memory pictu res so lightly even , ,

casu ally presented by the author there is never ,

t h e le s s revealed a connect e d history of his inner

life together with that of the varying literary

and poetry attained maturity .

This lightness o f manner and im p ortance o f

case a task which the p resent Translator not

being an original writer in the E nglish language ,

would hardly have ventured to undertake had ,

there not been other considerations T h e trans .

lator s familiarity however with the persons

scenes and events herein de p icted made it a

temptation difﬁcult for him to resist as well as a

responsibility which he did not care to leave to

fore more liable to miss a p oint o r give a wrong

The Translator mo reover had the author s

permission and advice to make a free translation ,

a portion of which was completed and approved

In regard to the nature o f the freedom taken

mentioned that those suggestions which might

o n allu sions entirely unfamiliar to the non Indian -

reader have been omitted rather than spoil by

an over elaboration the simplicity and natu ral

n e s s which is the great feature of the original .

There are no footnotes in the original All the .

footnotes here given have been added by the

The Stea mer H u l k .

be what he is painting are pictures ; by

which I mean that he is not there with his b ru sh

to his taste He makes many a big thing small

in putt i ng 1n t o thé b ackground that which was

to the fore o r bringing to the front that which

was behind In short he is p ainting pictures

and not writing history

Thu s o v er i fe g ci ii tw a r d as p ect passes the

series of events and W ithin is being painted a set

We do not get the leisure to View thorou g hly

catch ou r eye b u t the greater part re mains o u t o f

sight in the darkness Why the ever busy paint e r .

is painting ; when he will have done ; for what

S ome years ago on b e in g q u e stioned as to ,

the events of my past li fe I had occasion to pr y ,

into this picture chamber I had thought to be -

content with selecting some few mat e rials for

the door that L ife s memories are not L i f ef s

history but the original work of an unseen Artist

Th e vari e gated colours scattered about are n o t

painter himself and come passion tinged from

his heart ; thereby u n ﬁtt i n g the record on the

But though the attempt to gather p recise

less there is a fascination in looking over the

pictures a fascination which cast its spell on

The road over which we j ourney the wayside ,

shelter in which we pause are not pictures ,

obviou s When however before turning into

the evening resthou se we look back u p on the ,